Blank Check with Griffin & David - Big Eyes with Richard Lawson
Episode Date: April 14, 2019Richard Lawson returns to discuss the late-Burton effort: 2014's Big Eyes. But why are the eyes so big? Should Christoph Waltz be the star of his own network TV sitcom? How did Burton pull off making ...the focus of this movie about the main character's abuser? Together they examine the eyes (which are big), Margaret Keane's history and Alita: Battle Angel (which is also known as Big Eyes 2.)Â Plus, check out past (and future) guests Richard and Joanna Robinson's podcast Still Watching: Game of Thrones. Get Richard's book All We Can Do Is Wait!
Transcript
Discussion (0)
You have an amazing talent.
You can look at someone and capture them on canvas.
You can paint people.
I can only paint podcasts.
Yes, my podcast scenes are charming, but at the end of the day, they're just collections of hot takes and bits.
Okay, brag.
That's a new approach.
Yeah, to not just putting the word podcast in.
More fully integrate.
More of a them approach. Yeah, to not just putting the word podcast in, but yeah, right. More fully integrate. More of a thematic,
yeah.
That quote isn't that iconic,
so I said,
let's read,
let's shift the entire
meaning of the quote.
I mean,
as we all know,
Big Eyes has 10 iconic quotes.
You decided not to go
I was going to say,
that's the only un-iconic
thing about this film.
Oh boy.
And Natalie Wood said
it was the greatest painting
she had ever seen.
You like Waltz? It's like the most hideous performance.
I love it.
Love it!
I give this movie two big eyes out of two.
Especially because the real guy was like American.
Like he didn't have an accent.
You look him up and it's like he was from Nebraska?
I got takes upon takes upon takes.
He wasn't from Castle Wolfenstein.
Christoph Waltz walks on set.
I've been working with a coach.
How is my American accent?
And they're like, well, we got to start shooting because we're going to run out of time.
Up and at them.
Yeah, exactly.
You knew the two people it was supposed to be before Christoph Walt, right?
No.
I think I read it, but remind me.
Originally announced, because this was going to be Karaszewski and Alexander's directorial.
No, not their debut.
They did Screwed.
They did Screwed?
I believe they did Screwed.
I remember that, yes.
The Norm Macdonald, Dave Chappelle, Sarah Silverman vehicle.
Of course, yeah.
DeVito?
DeVito.
Where there's like a scene where he's like...
Is that the one where Norm Macdonald's holding up fish or something?
That's Dirty Work.
That's Dirty Work.
Dirty Work and Screwed are both sort of like, dare I say it, scum bum movies.
Yeah, Scrooge is also, it's kind of like...
Rocking the devil horns.
What if like Half-Baked's cult following but like divided by 10?
It's one of those movies where it's like it has a cult following like among eight people at the university.
Who were high at the exact right point in like 1999 or whatever.
But Scrooge is also one of those dark comedies where every critic
was like, it's too dark.
I don't want to live in this.
Anyway, they were supposed to direct it.
First time around.
Makes sense. Thomas Hayden Church.
Kate Hudson.
Thomas Hayden Church really makes sense.
Now you're a Kate H fan.
You shouted me out about Something Borrowed on a recent episode
which I was pleased about.
Anytime Something Borrowed comes up, I mention you because you're the person I associate with that movie.
But let's say this.
As someone who stands so hard for that performance, don't you think she isn't quite right for this role?
Not at all.
Right.
Well, I think she has a hard time Kate Hudson doing, period.
Yes, I do too.
Even if it's like mid-century, 20th century, it's still like, ugh.
I don't know.
She's so modern.
I don't know if the church makes sense because he's got the Midwestern sort of corn-fed thing.
And he's also incredibly annoying,
but just a different way. Right, right.
He's got that sort of slippery charm kind of thing
where you're like, this guy's so gross, but he's kind of compelling
to watch. Then it was going to be
Reese Witherspoon and
Ryan Reynolds.
Reese Witherspoon, I remember that casting.
Ryan Reynolds.
Ryan Reynolds feels very off.
Reese feels on point.
She's better than Kate Hudson.
You do Reese and Thomas Hayden Church.
Maybe you have a movie there.
That's the most obvious version of it.
Isn't Thomas Hayden Church literally three times the size of Reese Witherspoon?
He's sort of a broad-shouldered guy, too.
There are all those stories about what a production nightmare for Christmases was,
because it's impossible to frame Reese Witherspoon
and Vince Reddick.
The joke of the poster.
She's standing on all the presents.
Like five boxes.
Yes.
And people are like,
what's the joke there?
And it's like,
there's no joke.
That's actually how
they could get them
She filmed most of the movie
on stilts.
Yes.
Few people know.
She is actually stilt man
in the MCU.
She's lady stilt man.
Lady stilt.
You know that the female Stiltman
is named Lady Stiltman
rather than Stiltwoman?
That's crazy.
Yeah.
Or Lady Stilt.
Yeah, no, her name is Lady Stiltman.
Ben, Ben, quick question.
Yeah, what's up?
Tim Burton?
Fuck you!
Tim Burton, go away
and never return!
How do you like them eyes, though, Ben?
I'm like, okay, big eyes.
I'm going to like this.
Big eyes.
Yeah, they're big.
Big movie.
Big disappointment.
Not true.
Big guys.
So then it was like when it was the Ryan Reynolds, Reese Witherspoon version, it was, Burt was
going to produce.
I mean, this is like the exact same arc as-
Should you introduce the podcast?
I'm going to get to that in a second.
This is like the preamble to the first episode
of the OA. The credits are coming for you.
I'm Danny Houston doing the
narration before we get into
the beginning of the story.
Also,
he'd work with them and Ed Wood.
Ed Wood was the same thing where he
came on just as a producer when they couldn't get financing and then he was like i'm gonna direct this even though
i usually do big movies so it's the same thing where like they had it set up at weinstein burton
was going to produce and then there's this surprise announcement they've totally changed the cast
burton's directing and they're like going immediately yeah go go This, of course, is Blank Check.
Podcast about filmographies.
Directors who have massive success early on in their
career, give a series of blank checks, make whatever
crazy passion projects they want.
Now, what happens sometimes?
Sometimes they clear. Okay, interesting.
And sometimes they bounce baby.
Do bounce baby in the Christoph voice.
And sometimes, sometimes the checks clear, and sometimes they bounce baby in the Kristoff voice and sometimes
sometimes
the check's clear
and sometimes
they bounce baby
because right
he sometimes does that
sometimes
they bounce
sometimes it's the very
clenched thing
Taron Killam's
impression of him
on SNL was quite funny
but then he was on SNL
and he was funnier
right
he's just funny
he's so funny
that sketch he did
where he's the guy
at work who like did something very inappropriate and only realizes.
I can't remember.
It's like a card or something like a photo.
It's so funny.
Well, here's my take on him keeping his accent in this movie.
Okay.
It makes no sense.
But as a counterpoint, right around the same time he does Rowan Polanski's Carnage.
Sure.
Oh, sure.
Where Polanski clearly is like, you have to do an American accent and he's really boring.
He's not bad.
I've never seen that.
So he loses some comedic energy.
Right?
No,
his accent's fine,
but it,
it,
here's some other things.
He cannot maintain the same rhythm that he has that makes his dialogue.
So interesting.
It's too focused on doing the accent with the American accent.
It's like the accent works, but you're like
suddenly he's dimmed. Let's talk Waltz.
Let's talk Waltz. Let's Waltz.
Let's take this Waltz. Take this Waltz.
I have introduced the podcast. I haven't introduced you though.
We should do that. It's a new series on the films of Tim Burton.
It's called Podward Scissor Cast.
Who are you guys? I don't know. Griffin and David.
Okay, cool. Jesus.
And who's here? Who's here?
But our all-star.
Last minute pinch hitter on this one, kind of, right?
Yeah, we don't have your jacket ready yet.
We don't have your jacket.
Oh, that's true.
It's a six?
This is seven, baby.
This is seven?
I think I tied Yoshida because I was worried that she was going to lap me.
Right, she's not laughing yet.
Number seven, Dickie Lawson's here.
Hey, guys.
The great Dickie Lawson. Big guys Hey guys. Great Dickie Lawson.
Big guys.
Hey guys.
Do you know my big guys joke?
So I used to do these series of tweets that was just Penny Marshall going up to the box office and trying to buy tickets for a movie.
A great series.
But getting the title wrong.
Yeah.
And so hers was two for big guys.
She thought the movie was called Big Guys.
I sort of bullied Bobby Finger into thinking that joke was funny.
It is funny. What, Bobby didn't
think it was funny? What's the matter with him?
I just kept trying to make it a thing.
One for crumpets? Remember that one?
I don't remember what that was. I was at a restaurant
and there were two old Jewish
ladies sitting next to me and the one woman was
recommending Maisel to the other woman.
Oh boy. But she kept on getting
the word wrong.
You have to watch this. It's called The Fantastic Mrs. Maisel.
It's fantastic.
And the other woman goes, let me write it down.
It's called Mrs. Maisel.
And she goes, no, not Mrs. Maisel.
The Fantastic Mrs. Maisel.
I'm like, the whole bit is that it's three Ms.
Right, right.
It's one thing if she went like, it's called The Miraculous Mrs. Maisel.
But it's like, doesn't that sound wrong to you?
The Terrific Mrs. Maisel. She kept on like, no, it's not amazing. It's terrific. That she went like, it's called The Miraculous Mrs. Maisel. But it's like, doesn't that sound wrong to you? The Terrific Mrs. Maisel.
She kept on like, no, it's not amazing, it's terrific.
That's what it is.
Let's take a waltz because I want to talk about something at the end of the waltz.
Let's take this waltz.
With the three of you.
Okay.
So here's Chris Waltz post-Inglorious Bastards.
Obviously, he was like a German actor before that.
Right.
But kind of like an incredible story that a guy like in his 40s
has his American film debut
out of nowhere
and wins an Oscar.
Yeah.
And sort of overnight
becomes like
a movie star
but then it's like
what are we going to do
with this guy?
Like how do we slot him into
he's so particular.
He's a particular one.
That character feels like
it was designed for him.
Right.
The opening scene.
Yes, it's great.
With the milk. Yeah, it's great.
With the milk and the guy.
You know the crazy thing is that he wrote it for DiCaprio.
Right.
And that doesn't work.
If that's DiCaprio playing London. I think it doesn't work.
Yeah, I don't know.
What do you think, Richard?
Of Inglorious Bastards?
I think it's a good movie.
I think he's great in it.
Yeah.
But it was kind of one of those things where I didn't realize watching it that that's what he does
you know what I mean
sure you're like
oh this is a great performance
we've just gotten
a lot of variations
on that since
well that's the waltz
that I want to take
okay so yeah
the green hornet
he's the villain
I don't remember
whatever
and he was the last minute
sub in Dickie Lawson style
after Nicolas Cage
dropped out
oh wow
there you go
water for elephants
Nicolas Cage was supposed
to be on this episode right
he was
that's right that's the meta narrative I love those eyes I can't do them Cage dropped that. Oh, wow. There you go. Water for Elephants. Nicolas Cage was supposed to be on this episode, right? He was.
That's right.
Yes.
That's the meta narrative.
I love those eyes.
I can't do him.
That wasn't... The eyes are big.
No.
I want big eyes.
I can't do it.
Go on.
Water for Elephants
where obviously
he either played the water
or the elephants.
I can't remember.
I have not seen Water for Elephants.
He was the terrible circus trainer
or the ringmaster.
He's kind of the villain.
This is my circus.
Look at my three rings.
And that was also a post-Oscar movie for Reese,
kind of, wasn't it?
What year was that?
It's 11.
It's a few years after.
But it was definitely a big movie.
And that was kind of the first big post-Twilight Pattinson.
Right.
That's right.
That's what I'm thinking.
Like, is he going to be able to carry over?
And it was, you know,
it was Francis Lawrence having done two genre movies
and maybe being,
like, could this be an Oscar player?
And the answer was no.
And he was like,
okay, forget it.
I'll go make genre movies again.
Was that his immediate follow-up
to Iron Legend?
He didn't do any?
No.
Yeah, that's crazy.
Then he was in
The Three Musketeers
as Cardinal Richelieu.
Terribly miscast there.
I'm sure I haven't seen that.
That movie is actually,
if it's the one I'm thinking of, it's really fun.
The Paul Anderson one is supposed to be fun.
That's the one with Milly Jovovich, right?
Yes.
If it's a Paul Anderson movie, it's got Milly Jovovich.
Logan Lerman.
It's actually a really fun movie.
Isn't Orlando Bloom the villain?
I think Waltz is the villain.
No, Waltz is Richelieu.
Isn't Orlando a bad one?
Yes, I believe so.
He's the Duke of Buckingham.
It's a really fun movie.
Everyone should see it.
There's a hot air balloon involved.
Oh, I love it.
Yeah, well, people voted against WS.
Yeah, you idiots.
Then he was in Carnage, as you say.
Really blind.
Which I've never seen,
but that's a play.
A play that takes place in one room.
Why did they turn that into a movie?
It's a bad idea.
It was just a hot play, I guess.
Yeah.
Roman Polanski.
Yeah.
And then he was in django
and he won a second academy award for doing something similar and he's nuts nice but that
was the year that everyone everyone was a winner was a winner right right but i still would have
given it to tommy lee jones rock in the house or paul uh philip seymour hoffman yeah his best
or you go like deniro more turned on than he's been in a long time like it's not like master
right lincoln oh okay uh yeah it's just weird weird it's on than he's been in a long time. Like it's not like. The Master and Lincoln.
Oh, okay.
It's just weird.
It's just that he's the lead of Django kind of. He has so much in him.
He has more screen time than everyone.
And he's fun.
He's got a tooth.
Yeah.
Big tooth on his cart.
On a spring, right?
Yeah.
He's fun.
He shoots like four to ten people.
I don't remember.
It is just weird that he won for two.
Same director, same kind of part.
Within five years.
Yep. he won for two same director same kind of part within five years yep
like back to back films
where he's kind of
a really heavy supporting
bordering on Colt Lee
right
totally
both of them
and then
the Zero Theorem
I've never seen that
the Terry Gilliam movie
yeah
Horrible Bosses 2
I've never seen that
he's really kind of like
it's once again
where they're like
well he should be in movies.
The man has Oscars. What is that movie about?
What? Horrible Bosses 2.
What if there were two Horrible Bosses?
They start their own company and then they
sell it to someone.
He's a Horrible Boss? And then it's Christoph Waltz and he's
terrible. And his son Chris Pine
is a cokehead so they kidnap the
son in order to get
the father to sell them back
their business
I don't fucking know
that was good
it's just a shame
they never got to finish
the trilogy
because the story
was so open ended
so many hanging threads
I don't know what
Snoke is going to do
an answer
Snoke's a horrible boss
that was going to be
the third one
they were in talks
with Snoke
then they realized
he's made up
he's made up
Snoke is the stinger at the end of Horrible Bosses 2.
But then it was just this weird
convo with some of the studios.
Get Snoke. Who's Snoke? Is he CAA?
Get him on the line. And the guy had to explain
he's made up.
But Snoke also got stolen in the Midnight Raid.
Snoke got stolen from UTA.
They're doing a Disney Plus Snoke show, right? They better. Snoke in the City. Disney Snoke got stolen from UTA. They're doing a Disney plus Snoke show, right? They should do that.
Snoke in the city. Disney Snoke.
Sorry. Alright. Big Eyes, we'll
skip over that for a second. Spectre,
he's the villain. Legend of Tarzan, he's the
villain. Tulip Fever, is he the
villain? He's the tulip.
Then there'll be no more tulips!
This city's got tulip fever!
Out of here!
Downsizing is the first time
I had seen him
in a million years
where I was like
oh he's fun
he's so good in that
he's really good in that
and then
this year
we all
separately
saw a little picture
called Alita Battle Angel
and he's going to win
his third Academy Award
alternate title
Big Eyes
well that's the thing
is my theory
is he went so mad
for Big Eyes
filming Big Eyes he's like I must have them all big eyes his agents like this movie's called like
small eyes he's like no yeah uh my my girlfriend tc-14 uh constantly calls elita battle angel big
eyes of course and then i big eyes i told her i told her i was like we're recording tomorrow
she's like what movie and i was like big eyes and she was like you guys are doing an Alita episode already
and I was like no Big Eyes
and she was like what do you mean
and I was like the actual Big Eyes movie
and she was like I didn't know that was a thing
what really
she didn't know about those eyes
I just called Alita Big Eyes because that's the most compelling part of the trailer
they're big
but Dr. Dyson Edo
hi I am Iron City.
You know,
we must,
you know,
you don't want to.
He's,
I think he's amazing
in that movie.
I think we all agree
on the quality of that movie.
That movie is a fucking masterpiece.
Which is one reason
I want to talk about it.
Yes.
I've seen it three times
in theaters.
You've seen it three times?
Yes.
Have you seen him 4DX yet?
No.
I am so good.
No.
I don't like to do that.
Christoph Waltz rubs your leg.
Yeah.
Because he's so sad in that movie. This't like to do Christoph Waltz rubs your leg. Yeah. Because he's so sad
in that movie.
Christoph Waltz's breath.
He's never done that before.
Where he's this very
weird haunted tragic guy.
Doctor Dyson Edo.
No, but what does he do?
They call him that.
Oh, he's a hunter warrior
and he has a giant hammer
with like a rocket
attached to it
that rules
and he wears a hat
and a raincoat.
Yeah.
He looks like a fucking
plague doctor.
I don't know. I was going to say he was right at the point where it was like
maybe this guy has kind of hit his expiration
point because we've seen the one thing he's done
so many times that it's getting old.
And then he, back to back,
downsizing is like, oh, he can play
this relaxed?
Yes. No, exactly. And Alita is like, he can
play this sad? And suddenly you find
some variance. And exactly. And Alita is like, he can play this sad and suddenly you find like some variance.
And smartly,
Alita subverts your expectations
because for a while
you think he's the villain.
Yeah, you think he's the bad guy.
And it's like,
oh no, he's not.
He's actually like
this avenging hero
which is something
we've not really seen.
I mean, I guess maybe
sort of Jango, but.
Right, but can I also,
this is, all right,
so spoilers for Alita
for anyone who has still
not gone to the Thunderdome
whatever it's called
it's playing in
every multiplex
I'm sure at this point
yeah boy
but there's a scene
in Alita
I love every scene
in Alita
except for a couple
of the Hugo scenes
I don't like Hugo
yeah Hugo's a little rough
I know you like Hugo
wait wait
he's the cute
the cute boy
well yeah
you think Hugo's
fairly appealing
I think that movie's
got a major BBP
boring boy problem
oh yeah
well
he's a little
I'm such an easy mark
what was it
I
oh I was on a film festival
recently
and like the first scene
there was like
I realized the lead
was like a cute guy
and I was like
oh it's a great movie
it's so pathetic
but there's a scene
late in Alita
that is
a scene that we've seen
in a thousand movies and TV shows which is that
someone is waiting in a hospital
or doctor's office or whatever
for yeah you know sort of waiting for news
sitting quietly the doctor
comes out and he's like
well you should just come
except in this scene she's like
is he okay because I cut his head
off and attached it to my heart for a
while and he's like well uh yeah you should just see i put his head on top of a bunch of weird
robot parts and he looks fine now like and you're just like this movie is bananas yeah it's like
you know we get it you know we're there with it emotionally but it's also bananas it's crazy yeah
it's one of the few movies in which the romantic teen boy leads head is carried.
Yeah.
In the girls.
One of the few.
There are a few.
One of the few.
I think Ringwald did it in a movie.
To fool the robot cops.
Yeah.
Ringwald did it.
There's definitely.
Leah Thompson.
She's having a baby is about that.
Right.
Yeah.
It's so stressful because it feels like Alita is right at that cusp of whether or not they
make a sequel because of
worldwide gross.
It feels like it's within
like 20 or 30 million.
It's either going to just make it or just not.
100%. If they can make three
Divergent movies, they can
or Maze Runner.
Right now it's at 400 worldwide.
That's pretty good. Which is not bad, but it costs
a fortune.
They claimed their break-even number was 350 but, but it costs a fortune. It costs a lot, yeah.
So it's not going to, they claimed their break-even number was 350, but that's like a total lie.
It was probably like 500.
I also kind of think, though, I mean, the other big question is now it's Disney overseeing Fox.
I think pure Fox would have been a little easier to convince. The question is how much Disney wants to stay in Cameron's good graces because they know he's delivering four avatars for them.
No, he's bearing four avatar seats for them.
He is.
He's merely a surrogate for the natural evolution of the Avatar saga.
That's why it's been delayed.
We didn't realize how long avatar seats take to gestate.
He is but the carrier.
Avatar seats.
Yeah, he is graciously opening up his male womb
to the incubation of four avatar stories.
His male womb is his butt.
So it's like James Cameron buried his movie in the ground, like my jeans.
Yes.
I feel like the jeans should be a Patreon exclusive.
Well, let's not say any more than that then.
Okay, all right, all right.
What I was going to say.
I buried jeans.
Oh, I listened.
No more.
No more. Big I buried jeans. Oh, I listened. No more. No more.
Big eyes buried jeans.
No, the other thing
I was going to say about Alita...
Why have you buried your jeans?
No, it turns out
he's burying the jeans,
but she made the jeans.
I don't know.
Don't you think Alita...
The Gloria Vanderbilt story.
Don't you think Alita
is one of those movies
where if they announce
that they're doing a sequel,
which will take like three years,
right? In that time through doing a sequel, which will take like three years, right?
In that time through like home video, like streaming, it kind of might grow a little John Wick style.
Maybe.
I think people might come around to how weird that movie is.
It's amazing how many people, like every time I saw it, it's because I was dragging someone else to see it.
I was like, I can't believe you haven't seen Alita.
Just people on the street.
Exactly.
And I would say my hit rate was like 30 to 40 you know what i mean like yeah a lot of
people were just like yeah no my brain just turned off i have nothing to say don't you think that
happened with john wick too no john wick was an instant cult hit i disagree with that you're wrong
i don't know what to tell you i think certain people were very strong i'm gonna tell you
something what john wick came out it no buzz, as we all remember.
Right?
Like, no buzz at all.
It opened okay.
It only made $43 million.
You know, it was like a sleeper hit.
Yeah.
The week it came out, we wrote an article on The Atlantic that was titled,
Someone Killed His Dog and Now They Have to Die.
Yeah.
And it was just about John Wick.
And it was the most read article in the history of the website.
That is not true.
It is true.
That is true?
Yes. Now, it's easily been beaten
since then. Many times over.
But the
interest in this movie was
instantaneous. People were just like,
what's this movie? Like, very fast.
But I feel like it instantly gained a quote.
In video, it got even bigger.
Right. Because I just remember...
You look at the way those movies have scaled. in release date and budget and gross it obviously i saw both of those movies
opening weekend saturday and the first one most of the audience was kind of laughing at it and
it felt like they were there to see it ironically and you can see the other smart people who were
keyed into the craft of the film and the the second film I saw, same way, opening Saturday.
People were hyped.
When John Wick came on screen, they broke into applause.
As they should.
And I was like, this is the fastest any character has become a legend.
I want to be quick.
Culture.
Atlantic.
Culture pieces.
Oh, okay.
Because we're not counting Ta-Nehisi.
Right.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Just to be clear.
Sorry, the case for reparations.
Sorry, Frederick Douglass has like a byline on the Atlantic.
But anyway, he does.
You can like look him up.
But well, we had different experiences then.
Because when I saw it, my whole audience was almost immediately just all in on Mr. Wick.
Yeah.
When I saw Big Eyes, everyone burst into applause.
I'm getting so protective.
I'm trying to nestle my little daughter away from Christoph Waltz so I can raise her properly.
Well, here's something we need to say about Big Eyes.
But wait, can I ask a question about Alita before we move to the actual movie that we're here to talk about?
Whenever I say Big Eyes, it could mean Alita.
Either one.
This episode's about two movies.
Big Eyes and Alita.
We can keep talking about Alita.
Well, actually, first thing. The problem
with Alita's life on video or whatever
is that what is appealing about that movie
Alita's life on video sounds like a Richard Linklater movie.
It's at Cannes this year.
Is that what's appealing about that movie
is kind of almost the opposite of what's
appealing about John Wick. Alita,
the hurdle it has, not just
because it's not IP that people know,
is that it's so earnest.
Yes.
And it feels so old-fashioned.
And I feel like that's what's turning people off.
So my question then is,
how the fuck did it become the sort of movie
that was championed by the assholes
who were trying to bury Captain Marvel?
So weird.
It was so weird.
Well, especially because the life cycle
that I've seen Alita have online
was that very early on,
there was a huge trans following for the movie.
And trans critics were sort of rallying around it.
And I think, you know, lots of movies about
people who like switch their bodies and, you know,
their identities. The malleability of identity
and your soul and all that sort of stuff.
Obviously, the community's going to respond to that.
But then, right, then it became, I guess
Captain Marvel came out, what, like three weeks
later? Yes. And it became the thing of
like, yeah, no, I support female lead movies that are like twisted.
I don't even know what the argument was.
That was the argument.
Well, because Rosa Salazar didn't say like, I don't want male critics to review the movie or whatever.
Like Brie Larson did or something.
She said shit like that, but she's not Brie Larson, so it didn't get as much traction.
Like all those guys who are angry at Brie Larson are angry about like an out of context headline
they saw of her in an interview
saying I would like to see more
diverse people on my press tour.
And they all interpret it as
she doesn't want men to see the movie.
Well do you think maybe
some of these people maybe
they're a little bad faith about this
stuff. What do you mean?
I don't know. Maybe they've got got a little bit of a loaded opinion already.
I don't know.
I think we have to respect both sides of the argument.
You're right.
I'm sorry.
You know, we have a saying in our family.
Use sports.
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Big eyes.
Let's talk big eyes.
Now, here's the movie big eyes
the eyes are big
the year is 2014
yeah
we both work in the biz
sure
I would just start
no
yeah
I was just completing
my first year at VF
right
and we know of Amy Adams
and you do too
as a
promising actress
people like her
and
this movie had a lot of
like
this might be the one that finally gets her the Oscar
because she's already been nominated five times.
That's what I was saying.
She'd gotten in that sort of Winslet zone
where it's like,
she's got so many nominations,
the next one's got to be her.
And as we know,
biopics always play well with Academy voters.
And even though Burton doesn't do well with the Oscars,
he's still a big director.
And this movie came out at Christmas,
so I think everyone was like,
she's going to win a big Oscar.
And she's unique because she
is a leading lady and a proper
movie star. A leading lady? But
four of her five nominations
at this point are for supporting.
And so people are like, this is a movie where
she's really carrying the thing. This might be
the full showcase that she needs.
She's been nominated now six times,
I believe, and only once for lead.
Right. American Hustle is her only lead.
Yep. Right.
It still remains crazy that
she didn't get the Arrival nomination.
I know. Especially since that movie was across
the board. No, it was nuts. That's her best
performance. Right, and I remember being like,
I don't know if that movie's going to get any other nominations,
but she's a lock, and then it ended up getting
picture, director director screenplay.
Everything other than her.
But anyway, what's important is that she won the most important award.
Golden Globe.
Golden Globe.
Comedy.
Comedy.
Comedy.
This is not a comedy.
I think this movie is funny.
I was laughing.
When?
All the time.
Oh, boy.
This is him doing his weird, like, take on Douglas Sirk.
This is like his weird melodrama movie.
Yes, right.
But, I mean, I don't think of the Sirk movies as comedies.
No, but that's why I'm saying his weird take on them.
Right.
I think he's heightening everything to absurd levels.
I mean, here's my other big take.
I want him to heighten it more.
Here's my big take on the Walt performance
because I'm not going
to hold on to this.
I want to put this out there
right away.
You seem to have something
in your hands
that's trying to escape.
I have a live rat.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I've named him Christoph Walt.
Griffin's throwing matches at us.
I will burn the place down.
Turpentine.
God, he's so good at syllables.
He is.
I mean, we'll talk about it.
I interviewed him for this movie.
Anti-disestablishmentarianism.
Like, just the longer a word is, the more.
He got three Oscar nominations?
Golden Globe nominations?
Comedy.
Walt's got a nomination.
Did they put him in lead or supporting?
Lead.
Okay, yeah.
He is a lead.
I mean, he's all a lead. They were trying to
do a bad faith campaign for him as
supporting, which was category fraud.
Well, he wasn't going to get it anyway.
Considering he's a bigger part than Amy Adams.
Yes. Which is sort of part of the problem of the
poster, where he's the
top. He's in a film about him
taking credit for the painting.
Just the irony of
the movie being about the man taking credit for her work.
And then the movie about it,
the man takes center.
Like,
it's just like,
these are all fair.
But the problem is,
well,
it's kind of the market.
It's a passive role.
She kind of locked herself away for so many years.
Right.
And then she only unlocked herself when she got into numerology and or Jehovah's witnessing.
Right.
Yeah.
And met some surfing teens in Hawaii.
Well, yeah.
This is my take.
Here's your take.
I think Burton is certainly
an expressionistic filmmaker, right?
And on the surface,
this is a less sort of outrageous story,
a less heightened story.
And he's making expressionistic film
through making it kind of in the style of the, like,
ripped from the headlines sort of B dramas of this time period.
You know, he's doing sort of melodrama
combined with, like, weird, like, B-movie thriller
combined with, like, the Christine Jorgensen story
or any of these sort of like
important issue movies
made by like sort of
low-rank filmmakers.
But the casting
and the way he directs
the Amy Adams
and the Christoph Waltz performances,
which feel like they're in
totally different movies.
And I know as the chief complaint
of this film is
what tone is this thing?
They're not acting
in the same thing what i
think is interesting about the waltz performance and the anna's performance a i think it's daring
to have her be that passive yeah with an actress who is capable of playing bottled emotions in a
way that is far louder you know sure this is like really like for the film to work you need to buy
that she is that easy to sort of step on.
You know,
right.
That she is that sort of subject to victimization or marginalization.
And then the second thing is this recent spat of now we're all obsessed with like charming sociopaths,
right?
He is like narcissistic megalomaniacs,
Billy McFarland,
Elizabeth Holmes
with her voice
maybe a little guy
named Donald J. Trump
you nailed it
she talks like Lupita
in Us
so this is my point
when you watch
either like of those
documentaries right
either of the fire
documentaries
you watch like
Bad Blood
not Bad Blood
The Inventor
or Listen to Bad Blood
or any of this
and everyone's talking about like they're so captivating it's so weird people always ask me how did you fall for it entries you watch like bad uh not bad blood the inventor or listen bad blood or any of this and
everyone's talking about like they're so captivating it's so weird people always ask me how did you
fall for it when you're in the room with these people there's just something about it and then
we watch the footage and we're like billy mcfarland seems so boring and he's so clearly full of shit
right i would never fall for it yeah so if you cast someone to play walter keen the way he actually
felt in the room i think you'd go like, why?
This is like insane.
Why would anyone fall for this?
The Christoph Waltz casting is this is a guy who somehow made a Nazi guy kind of compelling.
Right.
Where you're just like, I don't know what it is about this guy, but his energy is so fucking weird.
And the way he talks is so weird that I'm kind of falling into it.
fucking weird and the way he talks is so weird that i'm kind of falling into it and i think the movie has that like meta performance of like it doesn't make sense unless the guy is this big
because a performance this big reads the way it feels like when you're in the room with that
person right and that person is able to trick you yeah it's a it's a question of scale right yeah
you you have to you have to um do it big enough that it can make the transition right yeah it's a it's a question of scale right yeah you you have to you have to um do it big
enough that it can make the transition right yeah no that makes sense it's like a nicholas cage
thing where like he said for peggy sue got married he made the insane choice to play that character
speaking like pokey from gumby sure and francis ford coppola is like why are you doing this to me
like i fought so hard to help you out my My cousin, my nephew, whatever you are. Why are you doing this to me?
And he's like, this whole movie is about, like, the idea that she goes back to her teen years and the guy she thought is the heartthrob she now sees through.
How, like, silly he is.
Sure.
And I want to make a performance that feels the way when you look through your school yearbook, you're like, I can't believe I ever found this person attractive.
So I want to be, like, silent at the beginning of the movie when I'm an old man.
Right.
And when it goes back to the past,
I'm so clearly goofy and childlike
that you have the feeling
as an audience member
that she has of embarrassment.
That's a,
that's fine.
That's a good defense
of Peggy Sue got married.
Good movie.
And I think there's the same thing
going on with Christoph Waltz in this
where it's like,
even the fact that he's German
and it's inexplicable
adds to the weird mystique of like, why is Elizabeth Holmes talking in that voice?
Like, can't we all see through that?
Right.
OK, that's fine.
That's all fine.
But the movie's kind of boring.
Disagree.
That's the problem.
I think it's a rip run through.
It is not.
I think it's an emotional roller coaster.
Also not.
Right.
I mean, I was trying to think of a way to make it more engaging,
but I just think, because it's a fascinating
story, but it's more of a read story.
You know?
I don't even think a documentary
would sustain it, you know, because it's still
not dynamic. Maybe a short documentary.
Let's keep it short. Sure. An episode of
something. I tweeted a gif at the two
of you with
one perfect shot, and I want to find this so I can give proper credit to it, but a blank I tweeted a gif at the two of you with one perfect shot and I want to find
this so I can give proper credit to it. But a blankie
tweeted a thing which I like
this movie a lot. Yeah.
But I totally agreed with this and I was like
fuck this is really smart. Oh yeah I know the
tweet you're talking about. Did you see this? I'm not sure.
Tell me. Ben looked like he had something to say
so say it while I'm looking for this tweet Ben.
I was wondering if there
is a good movie about a painter.
And like, I feel like the Ed Harris movie.
Ed Turner.
Ed Turner.
Where he plays the Pollock.
Pollock.
You're thinking of?
Yeah.
It's like, meh.
Yeah.
No, Pollock is good.
I like Pollock.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's a drunk.
Yeah.
Andre Rublev.
Hello.
Moschia.
I've never seen.
It's not great.
Not that good.
Vincent and Theo's very good,
but it's kind of a TV series.
Yeah.
It was like a mini-series
that he cut down into a film.
Yeah, you know,
Frida isn't bad.
I like Frida.
Frida's got the sort of
lush visuals.
What's his name?
Willow.
As Van Gogh.
Yes.
I didn't see that either.
At Eternity's Gate.
It's boring.
It's really boring.
See, that's the thing.
I'm wondering,
can you make an engaging movie?
Yes, you can.
Yeah, right.
You can. There are some.
And look, it works when the filmmakers are very visual
and are aesthetically tied to the painters.
Because you need to find some way to convey the sense.
But that's kind of what Julian Schnabel is like,
and he's always just kind of boring.
I mean, Diving Bell and the Butterfly is good.
Not about a painter, though.
Agreed.
It's about a Blinky man.
I think his painting movies are bad because I think he's too literal about it.
I think Blinky Tamor is good at translating it.
I think Tamor's better.
And I think the Keen paintings are very much in line with Burton aesthetically.
This is the tweet I want to read.
Those eyes are so big.
Yes, go ahead.
At Double Dog Darrow says,
We love him.
Is it Big Eye's time?
Her.
Sure. Sorry. Is it Big Eye's time? Oh, I did see this tweet. Yes, go ahead. At Double Dog Darrow says, We love him. Is it big eyes time? Her. Sure, sorry.
Is it big eyes time?
Oh, I did see this tweet.
Yes, yes.
Because I stand by the fact
that it could have been brilliant
if it was re-edited
with trial as the setting
for a Rashomon-style analysis
of how people see the truth
ending with the paint on.
Yeah, that's a great song
for that movie.
That's a really smart
structural hack
for the exact same footage
and script that they have.
I interviewed
Mr. Christoph Waltz
for this movie.
It was a weird one.
You said this was one of...
I pulled it up just to double check.
I think I said...
I led off with like,
this film is more tragic than I expected for your character.
He said, what did you expect?
Which is already, I'm like, okay.
I'm being interviewed, but okay.
And I said, I think I expect something more kitschy
or more heightened,
but also it got into the struggle with your character that he begins to buy into his own lie.
Yeah.
And he said, where is the lie?
Like, you know, you have your mind all made up that he said that to me, which is nuts.
You know.
And then you just woke up in your bedroom and you were like, how did I get home?
He seemed very dialed into the fact where he's like,
my character does not think he's lying.
Right.
Which is how I'm playing it.
I think that's what he was trying to say to me.
Yes.
He was just saying to me in this scary German way
that sounded like he was calling me a liar.
Yeah.
But, you know, eventually he kind of was like,
I understand what you're saying.
I'm just telling you how my character feels about it all.
And so, right, you could do that where it's like,
rather than presenting him as predatory, which he kind of is from it all. And so, right, you could do that, where it's like, rather than presenting him as
predatory, which he kind of is from minute one
in the movie, right? Like, he sort of just shows up and he's
like... But the thing about that interpretation,
it's kind of bullshit. I mean, it's
exonerating. It's like, what do you mean
he doesn't think he's lying? Right, I know, it's crazy.
He is lying. Is he completely
insane? You know, he's lying, but you know what she's doing?
Painting.
But, we have seen so many
well, with your big eyes and your big lies.
We've seen so many examples of this
recently. Like, how is
him testifying in court, which
they have said many times, they tone
down from the actual transcripts.
That is famously one of the craziest
trials of all time. Which is probably why the judge
was like, two
easels, some paint, now.
Enough. I like to think of the bailiff going to
an art store. What am I named?
The judge in this movie is secretly maybe the best performance.
He's good. I love him. He's so good.
You know what? There's nothing better than a good judge
performance. I was just watching Presumed
Innocent for no good reason and Paul
Winfield in that.
You need someone who's immediately, you're like,
this guy's in charge now.
Kenneth Troy in People vs. OJ.
Oh, so good.
Oh, and the Dancing Edo's on Jay Leno.
So good.
Simon Cowell on American Idol.
Great judging.
Katy Perry on the new American Idol. Oh yeah, that's right. Jennifer Lopez.
Recently there was a clip of some guy performed an original
song and she was like, you wrote that?
And he's like, all by yourself?
Yeah.
You wrote that all by yourself?
And it's like, Katie, some people do that.
And who dressed you?
Yeah, right.
Who designed your ice cream cones?
How did you get here?
Oh, boy.
Yes.
One more for getting the greatest cinematic judge of all time.
Bob Devane.
That's right.
Oh, right.
Of course.
I'm the judge.
Here come the judge. This is a complete tangent, but there is a- I'm the judge here come the judge
this is a complete tangent
I judged that I pooped on myself
I find myself guilty
sorry go ahead
I have a great poop story I'm going to tell you off mic
wow what a tease
is it a celebrity poop story?
depends on your perception of celebrity
I can't
it's not a tease
but there is a scene in the movie Big Eyes that came out in 2014 in which Amy Adams says no Big Lolo perception of celebrity but no. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not a celebrity.
But there is a scene
in the movie Big Eyes
that came out in 2014
in which Amy Adams says
no Big Lolo.
Oh boy.
It's great.
I took a note.
I just wrote no Big Lolo.
What I was going to say
is A.
Christoph Waltz
is not the filmmaker
so I don't think
there's anything wrong
with him saying like
my character has not lied.
He is innocent.
Right.
Because his job is to.
Advocate for his character.
Well, yeah.
And this guy is pathological.
Right.
And it's like, how is this different than like R. Kelly in the Gayle King interview?
Where people go like, I can't believe he's lying this much.
Right.
But I genuinely think R. Kelly believes he's innocent.
Right.
You know, I mean, there is this thing that people talk about with like abusers, whether this much right but i genuinely think r kelly believes he's innocent right you know i mean
there is this thing that people talk about with like abusers whether it's like emotional abuse
whether it's like workplace abuse you know plagiarism sexual abuse like any of these things
that they have like a pathological condition where they view themselves as the victims right
where they truly believe and it's the thing they talk about in the elizabeth holmes documentary
where he's like i believe if you hooked her up to a lie detector, it would not go off.
Right.
Like, she fully believes in the reality of what she's saying.
And it's like a coping mechanism, you know?
For all the lies she's doing.
It's like the Rachel Dolezal effect.
It's all this shit.
Right.
Oh, Rachel Dolezal.
I mean, we have been dealing with a lot of people like this in the last 10 years.
Right.
I mean, we have been dealing with a lot of people like this in the last 10 years.
Right.
Either cases blowing up or people who have been famous forever being revealed for living this way for decades.
Right. You know?
And, like, these people who, like, place themselves out in the public eye are very loudly telegraphing the things that they should be getting caught for with no sense of, like, strategy.
Right.
And they never fucking back down.
And I think the key thing is that like Walter Keene goes to his grave being like,
I don't know what that whole trial was about.
Almost certainly, right?
Right.
But the fact that he did the thing where he's like,
and now to paint I pick up the brush.
Ah!
Incredible.
My injury!
I've recurred an injury
even though I painted like
you know
a mural the size of a house
one time
but like you hear stories
about that
someone who just like
the doctor
never found any evidence
that they had this injury
and they maintain
that they did for 30 years
as the movie reveals
he's this lifelong scammer
he's getting paint
and shipped out from
he's getting bad paintings
shipped to him
from Paris
and in the scene
where she confronts him about that
you see how quick he can lie.
He lies quickly.
Oh no no it's scenic.
You know that's what they call me.
And then when she sort of is like
clearly no longer interested in this
he just shuts down
as he sits down.
Like he just has nothing else to do.
Yeah.
But it's like he's like
like a rabid animal.
It's like just survival.
Which is like the same thing as
President of the United States.
But...
Who?
President Donald Trump.
I don't know.
John, Donald John Trump.
I think the other thing is,
like, not to keep on using these two examples,
but they're au courant, right?
Billy McFarland and Elizabeth Holmes
are both people, much like Walter walter keen where it's like
the big thing they're going for is the public persona of like i've always wanted to be an artist
like that he's so embarrassed that he is a realtor even if he's successful right because he loves the
idea of being someone who succeeds on their art and that's so much more important to him than making art.
In the same way that Elizabeth Holmes is
doing an impression of Steve Jobs.
And she's just like, somehow I'm going to figure out this technology.
I think
Walter Keene genuinely sits in that
courtroom and is staring at that easel
and goes, I'm going to figure out how to paint this
in any second now. I'm going to figure
out how to paint this because I have the spirit of an artist.
It doesn't matter
that I haven't physically
painted before.
He walked into the room.
I mean, he could have
just been like,
oh, never mind.
But he's like,
he gets far enough
to sit at the fucking easel.
Right, right.
And Billy McFarlane's
the same thing of just like
the fact that they're like
the night, you know,
three hours before
the planes are arriving.
Right, the fact that he
actually went to the,
was on the island.
Yeah.
Like it's like,
dude, this is not going to happen.
These people believe
that they're going to keep on getting out of it. Like, it's like, dude, this is not gonna happen. These people believe that they're gonna keep on
getting out of it.
Right.
It's like getting
a gym membership.
Right.
You're not gonna go.
You're never gonna go.
But he has that one moment
where he says, like,
I so badly want it
to be an artist.
Yeah.
And then he just sort of
tails off and doesn't
finish the sentence.
Right.
And it feels like he's
kind of gonna admit it,
finally.
Yeah.
But then he just doesn't.
You know, like, he sort of hits the wall of, like, to admit it finally. But then he just doesn't.
He sort of hits the wall of he can't articulate.
He frames it so much as I'm embarrassed that I'm not taken seriously as an artist even when I'm selling art.
Right, right.
You know?
Right, right, right.
So Big Eyes.
We're talking a lot about Christoph Waltz.
Can we talk about Jason Schwartzman's character? We can, but I was going to say something about Christoph Waltz can we talk about Jason Schwartzman's character we can but I was going to say
something about Christoph Waltz
then we can talk about Jason Schwartzman
well I was you know
I just want to point out we're talking about him because he's the interesting character
and she's not like in the movie much
you know and like
she's in it a lot she's just a very passive character
and there are like flashes
of stuff that like could
I don't know
give her some depth
like the Jehovah's Witness
thing.
Yeah.
There's kind of
an indication
But Burton's kind of
afraid to get
too deep into that
I think.
He just doesn't
want to explore.
There's also an indication
throughout the film
especially toward the end
when she's in Hawaii
that she had something
of a drinking problem
perhaps you know
like there was stuff
that like
I think she plays
all of that well. I think she plays all of that well.
I think she plays it subtly, but the problem is...
She's an excellent actress.
The fucking Austrian Grover next to her
is taking up all the oxygen.
Well, yes. There's a little bit of the
Anne Hathaway,
James Franco thing here.
You know?
Right. Yeah.
The difference is, it's not a lack of commitment on her part
it's almost that she's playing the kind
of person who gets taken advantage of
so well that she disappears
into the movie a little bit
you have to work harder to engage with her
performance because she's so pulled back
and it's not the movie's fault that we
or you know the kind of movie
fandom world
was like oh this is an Amy Adams movie,
it's her Oscar. The movie is not called
Margaret Keene, it's called Big. You know, it's not
solely about her, it's not built that
way, but for whatever reason it was kind of packaged
to be Big.
Why are they so big?
I do think that kind of like
was one of the things that handicapped the
movie, though, was that everyone was
the eyes were too big.
No, that the narrative was so much like,
this is going to be an Amy Adams vehicle.
This is like her big Oscar showcase.
So then when people saw the movie,
they were immediately disappointed because it's not that.
And who would, I mean, why...
It was her Globe showcase.
Why is anyone surprised that Tim Burton saw a story
and was like, I'm going to mostly focus on the creep?
Like, that makes total sense. It's just like, for whatever
reason, the packaging of the movie
made it seem like it was a star vehicle for
Adams. And it's not.
Let's talk about it. Ben's
chomping at the bit.
Jason Schwartzman performance.
Come on. He's like fourth build.
Sure. I just never
think that art world people are
portrayed well in films.
Wait, you think he's a little bit of a caricature, this guy?
Hold on, Terry Stamp, he's portrayed in a way that's very compelling and light.
I totally forgot he was in the movie until, like, he's just on the TV.
He's like, hello, this is Big Brothers.
I was going to say, it's so dystopian.
His face fills the frame.
Here is my art review for this week
it's so weird
it's like
that's the Burton-y touches
that I like
where the sort of
Serkian heightened
thing is coming off well
and then I also like
when Waltz goes into
full maniac mode
it becomes like
Night of the Hunter
like Bill Guyberry said like me goes into full maniac mode. It becomes like Night of the Hunter. Like,
Bill Guyberry said,
like me,
a true defender
of this movie,
who thinks it doesn't
get enough credit
for
how,
you know,
willing it is
to wildly
variate,
shift in tone
and genre
and all of that.
But he said, like, my take is this is Burton's, like, truest horror movie.
Like, this is his only movie about someone actually being, like, trapped.
Right.
Because he makes a lot of films about, like, the weirdo who isn't understood.
Right.
And this is, like, very much a movie about, like, a victim and an abuser.
It is.
It 100% is.
And he heightens it to that level.
Like even Amy Adams driving away in the car.
He's not heightening it enough.
That's sort of my problem.
Like I want more nightmare.
There's so many scenes of him going in there and being like, you should open a window.
Yeah.
And I'm like, this is frightening.
Terrible.
She's like kept in this like.
Yeah.
She's like Mrs. Heversham.
But she's like weird.
She's just sort of like eh what are you gonna do
you know
and she has this sort of
whimsical scenes
like when she talks to the dog
yes
you know
good reaction shot from the dog
yeah
I also think you could
and then one time she faints
you could mine a lot
out of the daughter
yes totally
which she kind of just like
ignores
and in fact
that like
cast an actor
to play the older version
of her who can't really act
can't really act
the weakest performance
yeah definitely
but I mean
but even you could like one of her best scenes't really act. Can't really act. The weakest performance. But I mean, but even you could
like, one of her best scenes is when
she's crying about like how she's lying to her daughter.
Yeah. Where Adams is killing
it. She's good at it. Like, you set it up
and she knocked it down. Yeah.
And the eyes, they're big
as well. Very. But right, you know, it
sort of just feels like a thing that happened.
You know, not, maybe foreground
that a little more.
I also think they could have spent more time with the whole like Rocketball
and the big stadium and all
that.
I mean that scene is great.
I like all the
art world stuff as ridiculous as it is.
Five county points Richard.
No one gave that credit. It's an Alita joke for you
those of you who haven't seen it.
Is it called Rocketball?
No, it's called Motorball.
Motorball, darn it.
You know what Alita also made me think?
We need an F-Zero movie.
All that Motorball stuff combined with Speed Racer.
I'm like, can we finally get,
not just crazy racing, right?
But also, I want to see Captain Falcon
get out of his car
and then go to
wherever, the locker.
And deal with what Captain Falcon
would be like. What is that?
We'll add it to the slate. Thank you.
What's the name of Surprise Cameo's
character, the puppet master
in
Battle Angel Big Eyes? Nova.
Nova. Yeah.
Surprise Cameo.
Well, there's also the other surprise cameo in the motorball.
Screwhead?
No, but we do stand a legend.
We stand a legend.
Screwhead's great.
I mean, Candlehead from, you know,
Screwhead I feel like is related to Candlehead from Red or Yellow.
No question.
No, Jai Courtney.
I might have totally missed that.
You may have missed this.
Jai Courtney is in one shot.
He plays one of the rabbit men?
Is that a cameo at this point?
Yeah, of course.
That's just a job.
Yeah.
I listened to this interview with John Landau,
who produced the movie.
It is like Cameron's guy.
Yeah.
And he was like,
no, Jai just wanted to do it.
And like in a sequel,
you know,
maybe he would do more.
Wow.
But there's this one shot
where it's before she's playing,
but when she's like behind in the locker rooms
and you just see him and they're like, well, that's the biggest star.
And he's like, tighten up my screws, love or whatever.
He's fucking say, you know, he's a big potato head.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's all.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
We do.
I agree.
So I agree.
So I agree.
So grace of shot first.
How are we doing?
Great.
Ben has purchased a clock because he thinks the show is running too long.
I don't know what he's talking about.
A controversial stance.
If anything, the show's too short.
Right, yeah.
Yeah.
And he just tried to check the clock and knock the clock over, so things are going good.
Right.
So she's painting furniture.
She's in divorce.
The movie starts with her leaving a bad marriage. Yes. We don't see the bad marriage, but She's in divorce. The movie starts with her leaving
a bad marriage.
Yes.
We don't see
the bad marriage,
but she's left it.
This is a woman
who you get the sense
is quick to fall for
charismatic
and controlling men.
Yeah.
Sure.
Perhaps does not realize
her own inner strength.
Right.
Also,
it's the 50s
and it's tough
to be a single mom.
And she loves painting.
She seems to just like painting for the sake of painting.
And she has training.
She has training, and she is, yes, genuinely,
as she's always derisively telling, what's his name?
Walter.
Yes.
Yeah, like I sketch my, like I do preliminary drawings.
I have reasons for what I do.
And the other thing is that she has this kitschiness that people don't uh get that people either really strongly react to or go like why
would you do this right and the answer is like i don't know this is just sort of like this is my
thing this is my thing which is which is kind of burtony i know you know like i don't know what can
i tell you like this is my aesthetic these are the stories i'm taking it's another thing i kind of
want from the movie which is, get into what the fuck
is up with her.
But it sort of gets too bogged down in the theft stuff.
Yeah.
But she painted all these big eyes.
The eyes are pretty big.
And when you ask her about it, she says things like, oh, the eyes are the window to the soul.
And I love the children are sad.
Made my feelings.
But like, I want to know more about.
They don't have to be a floor to ceiling.
She tells the story. You're opening with that Warhol quote.
Like, I want to dig into, like, the weird
sort of kitschy, like, marketing
of it all. I like all that stuff, like, when they're
selling the posters, all that process.
She tells the story about going deaf as a child.
Yes. She had surgery. She went deaf
temporarily. So she had to spend
time looking at... Right, reading people's
eyes, which I think
does make sense.
I really like the supermarket
scene where she starts
seeing everyone around her with the big
eyes. Plaintive sort of.
You get the notion in the same way that Burton
always sketches like 17
rings around characters' eyes.
And teardrop heads.
That's how she funnels
her perception.
That's the way
she interprets energy, human energy.
And you see her style evolve, too.
And then she's able to compartmentalize
between the waifs, or whatever she calls them,
the big-eyed waifs, and this new form
that she's doing, which is more sort of elongated.
Right, the Modigliani-esque.
But they have the same energy to them oh yeah maybe the technique is a little heightened yeah but it is this thing of
like that i think you know burton is fighting at this point in his career where people are like
does he like care about anything is he so cynical he's just doing an impression of himself
and i think he's like i don't know i'm like trying to make the most honest thing i
can right to some degree and i don't really know why it's working or I don't know, I'm like trying to make the most honest thing I can to some degree
and I don't really know
why it's working
or it isn't.
Right.
Sure.
You know?
Yeah.
And people like it.
Sometimes people sell it successfully.
Right.
Sometimes they don't.
I think that thing
was fascinating
when they,
the show is flooded with people
but there are people
who don't afford it.
Right.
You can't buy art.
Right.
So they sell the posters.
Like, you know, I like all that stuff a lot. The fact that he's always
been, weirdly, a populist
guy despite being esoteric.
That Burton's style is so
unique, but he hits as a major
studio filmmaker.
I was going to ask about
the artist,
her legacy.
I don't feel like she's really considered an established...
She's more
an outsider, is the sense I've always had
of her reputation. I think now her work
is viewed as a fad.
That was like Pet Rocks.
That was a period of time where everyone
had one.
Kitsch is certainly the word.
It's the kind of thing that you could
buy in a Walgreens, rather than at like an art like an art museum right norman rockwell
asco most yeah even kitchier who's the one who paints those weird kinkade yes uh master of light
yes right the painter of light him it's like that right but but he she was like i mean he
with her art was like the first example
of someone really understanding
how to like
franchise their work
like that
and I think because
they blew it up so big
it's lasting legacy
is it's a fad
because it got too loud
right
that then when people
got over it
they like totally
threw it away
yeah of course
because it was everywhere
even at the time
no art critics
like took it seriously
sure
like Rockwell
you don't think
Terrence Stamps into it?
I don't know.
It's hard to read that character and where he stands on the paintings.
But someone like Rockwell, his reputation now is upheld by all those filmmakers.
It's like Lucas and Spielberg and all these guys love Rockwell.
But Rockwell still isn't taken seriously as an artist.
They're like, that's a thing you buy at like a fucking Walmart you know I guess well Rockwell was in like the U.S.
what's it called um you know one of those weekly periodicals right that's where he was I forget
what it's um Saturday Evening Post that was yes right um but you know Rockwell probably would
hang in a museum I don't know if some of his work also had a political dimension. Yeah, exactly. Particularly with the,
you know,
I think people have
come around to it more now.
I don't know about Keen.
Keen, I feel like, right,
she's more in that
sort of mass market-y zone.
Yeah.
But I know what you mean
about outsider art
and then it was,
who else would have
thought to do,
it's so specific,
especially in this pre-anime,
pre-Japanese influence era, like the idea of these sort
of like cute children, like where it's sort of like they're almost creepily cute.
Like what's going on?
Right.
There's nothing like that in Western culture.
Why are they crying?
Because I think she's a very sad person.
Well, she was locked in her turpentine dungeon.
Right.
She picks up on other people's innate sadness.
Like she's just like a very fragile.
You think she's an empath? I think she's an empath i think she's an empath i think that's what that scene the supermarket's
about yeah i mean that seems interesting that's another thing though i feel where i feel like
are we gonna do more of it you know what i mean like your arguments are fine i know what you're
saying but i think that is the take on it is just like she sees everyone's sadness like that's the
overpowering thing that she's picking up on and she's a sad lady right so it is just like she sees everyone's sadness like that's the overpowering
thing that she's picking up on and she's a sad lady right so she is just like i don't know that's
what like people look like to me big eyes big eyes richard yeah oh kristen ritter's in the movie
jessica jones herself kind of surprising that she doesn't become like a like a burton kind of
regular she certainly has feels yeah yeah. That's a good point.
Right.
I guess she got busy
being Jessica.
She could have been
Winona and Beetlejuice
in a different era.
Right.
100%.
Eva Green becomes
his new muse.
Well, she bewitched him.
She bewitched him.
John Pulido.
One of his last performances.
I love him.
Great John Pulido.
Love John Pulido.
Yeah.
He's the guy who's like,
what?
I run a place.
Oh, I love him.
Hang up your arm.
What do I care?
I got a beret. He's like a Simpsons character. Yeah. What's the guy who's like, what? We're in a place. Oh, I love him. Hang up your arm. What do I care? I got a beret.
He's like a Simpsons character.
What's your favorite Polito?
Fucking Miller's Crossing.
Yeah, right.
Try to give me the high hat.
High hat is one of the greatest terms.
It is one of the greatest terms.
Try to give me the high hat.
Polito I love. Danny Houston in just one of those
Danny Houston performances.
He sits behind a desk and is sort of satanic.
I just wanted to work with Tim Burton.
Well, that's the same thing with the Schwartzman thing.
It's very weird to have Schwartzman playing this character.
Wandering in from anything else or a Woody Allen movie.
Because he has one dialogue scene and then there are three reaction shots.
I like it.
He's funny in it.
I like the one where he's like, why would anyone want any of them?
Yeah, why would you want credit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it. No, He's funny in it. I like the one where he's like, why would anyone want any of them? Why would you want credit?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's it.
No, it's funny,
but at the time,
I mean, I guess 2014,
like, Schwartzman's peak
had sort of,
he was down from his
kind of height.
I mean, he's,
let's see.
Yeah.
He just,
I don't know.
He's just in so much stuff.
I think Schwartzman
turns down a lot of
big studio stuff too.
You know, he'd done Bored to Death, which had wrapped up a couple years earlier.
Yeah.
And then he's working on Mozart in the Jungle.
I forgot he was a writer on that.
He was one of the creators on that.
Yeah, right.
That's weird.
He turns down a lot of big studio franchise-y stuff.
He's one of those guys where it's like, I don't care if the part isn't interesting and would rather play a smaller
part.
Right.
He does a lot of small parts.
Right.
In general,
like looking at his,
uh,
you know,
his movies.
Who's he related to again?
The whole Coppola family.
He's one of them.
It's that tree with the Coppolas and cage.
Sure.
Right.
Um,
all true.
All true.
The eyes are big. Our friend, oure reed joe reed texted us
he went to a movie trivia night and the question was how many academy award nominations to the
coppola family have bro what was super tricky about it was it included in laws right yes so
it included patricia arquette and spike j, which I don't think is fair.
No, that's not fair.
No, it didn't seem fair.
Was there anyone else, too?
There was one, like, who is Talia Shire married to?
Oh, she was married to...
Wasn't there that, too?
Yes.
Oh, fuck.
Well, it's a Schwarzman, right.
No, but Schwarzman never got any nominations, right?
No, I know, but, like, isn't her...
Oh, no, she was married to David Shire.
That's who it was.
The composer.
Right.
Of like great jazz scores.
Because Schwartzman produced Being There,
but Being There wasn't nominated for Best Picture.
Rude.
Very rude.
Okay, can I make a couple more defenses?
Oh my God.
Yeah, sure, go ahead.
What else is going to happen in this episode?
Griffin has a stack of papers.
Well, you can criticize the movie.
Yes.
I'm going to defend myself.
I'm representing myself in this trial, okay?
First of all, it's a good looking $10 million movie.
Yeah.
Bruno Del Bonel shot it and he's one of the greats in my opinion.
And I think the production design is great.
There's that great shot when she first shows up in San Francisco and she's meeting Kristen Ritter and it's like
at the top of the hill. It just looks good.
It looks period. It's like...
And that's a big thing. The colors really pop in this movie.
Sure.
I think the compositions are really interesting.
And coming right after
fucking... You disagree?
He's shaking his head. Doesn't like the comps?
Big comps.
He's got a lot of good
two shots. There's a lot
of really smart coverage in this movie
where he's not just cutting in between
talking heads. Even that
scene in the house before they
leave Christoph Waltz, before he
locks them in and starts throwing
matches through the keyhole. He's sort of
doing the Night of the Hunter, like big shadows
from that triangle house.
It's a weird house.
Right.
It's a weird house.
And he's like real lonely
like coverage
where they're just like
stuck in the middle
of like his looming silhouette.
Like stuff like that I love.
And I think you go like
this is coming after
like Alice in Wonderland
where it's like
he has like $200 million.
Right after Dark Shadows.
Yes.
Right.
But $200 million
and a green screen and he can
do whatever he want and it looks like nothing yeah and you're reminded of the practicality
of this guy being able to come up with good images if you actually give him a location
even not designing his own sets even not like building a fucking forest he can shoot a house
in a way that is more compelling than most people as a visualist. I don't disagree with that. I also think that the,
like there are a lot of really funny edits in this movie.
Go on.
Like,
I think he,
I think these are fair things to talk about with Burton and we're almost
done with Burton.
Yes.
So I want to bring up some of these things that are just innate to,
even when he's making a bad movie and I'm not saying this is a bad movie,
but that he usually is able to retain to some degree.
Right.
I think this comes out of being an animator
and that he was literally the guy who was having to, like,
create his own shots and time them
and figure out how to, like, make each shot as effective as possible
because you don't want to animate 30,000 shots.
There was, like, a really good cut.
The build of Christoph Waltz coming into the bar
to take the paintings after the Polito story has broken out in the newspaper.
Polito bringing him into the back kitchen.
Then having that look of like,
we're getting headlines.
And then the hard cut to Polito chasing,
you know, Waltz out of the kitchen,
screaming, putting on the show for everyone else.
And the way they cut to Schwarzman or Houston
or all those people
when the things are
kind of like going.
Here's another thing
we haven't talked about
at all.
Okay?
Opening credit sequence
is good which you know
Burton's always good at.
Even in his bad movies
like even playing
The Apes
it's like he's very good
at like setting the tone
of what he wants
the movie to be
and what the big
visual motif is
and all of that.
Right?
I think Burton
doesn't get enough credit for how
good he is at sound because i think in every one of his movies there's a lot of smart sound design
work in terms of how each uh environment feels different uh when he has like the creaking of the
floorboards in a house you know i mean it comes out of like old william
castle like shock tactics and all of that but i feel like even something like dark shadows that's
all over the place he like gets the feel of the mansion in that movie in the same way that in this
film i feel like the courtroom sounds very different than their houses do when it's a
smaller house when they're sort of drowning in a bigger palace
when she's in Hawaii.
I think he's really good
at setting, like,
an aural tone
to environments.
Do you like Tim Burton?
I like him,
and I just want him
to be making good movies.
This movie is okay.
This movie's good.
It's fine,
which is worse,
in a way, you know?
I agree.
Like, I wish I, like, hated it.
Basically, what Griffin's saying, like, when you cite these specific shots and stuff, like, the matches, the lumines you know I agree like I wish I like hated it basically what Griffin's saying
like when you
say these specific
shots and stuff
like the matches
the lumi
I'm like yeah
but then there's
also just so much
in this movie
that feels like
filler to me
see I'm so
engrossed by this movie
I mean
no
I'm with Richard
it's fun to read
about it
it's crazy that
they painted
I mean they didn't
even paint
she painted
he didn't paint
he didn't paint He didn't paint
No paint
He maybe never painted
Richard
Yeah
I forgot to ask
What do you think of like
Tim Burton in general
Now that we're sort of
Talking Bert
Tim Burton is somebody who
I think
First became aware of
With Batman Returns
And then
I think I was like
Kind of
Okay
There was a Beetlejuice cartoon
Yes
And I was like
I know this is based on something Sure So I kind of I guess at some point Must have sought okay, there was a Beetlejuice cartoon. Yes. And I was like, I know this is based on something.
Sure.
So I kind of, I guess at some point must have sought that out, but was a little wary of it because I didn't like that it was going to be gross.
Sure.
Oh, there's bugs.
And the cartoon, they're friends.
Yeah.
Right.
In the movie, they are not.
That's exactly right.
That also made me kind of nervous.
Right.
I was like, wait, he's bad?
Carson's kind of Calvin Hobbes type.
Yeah.
Unlikely friendship.
Yeah.
Hobbs type unlikely friendship.
And so then after that, I went to go see Mars Attacks in the theater, walked out with my sister, and I was like, oh, that was bad.
So you didn't stay in a legend.
Then I got home, and I was like, wait, no, I love that movie.
Wow, it took that.
It was only the journey home.
It was really quick.
I think it was just not what I was expecting.
Sure. So anyway, I considered myself like, I was like, I will happily go
see every Tim Burton movie.
And then pretty quickly after that, he started letting me down.
And then by the time we got to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, which after listening
to your episode, I think I need to revisit.
I was like, fuck this.
I hate all this.
I hate the rapping oompa loompas or whatever it was.
I was just like, I don't, I can't do this.
And then Alice in Wonderland, you know.
But of course, I course, your biggest credit,
you are the pull quote
on the Blu-ray for Mrs. Peregrine's Home for Physical
Years.
Best in years, which is not necessarily
a compliment. No, I think
Mrs. Peregrine felt like a return to something
that
that world felt
like what you're talking about,
more fully realized. And I think
that going back to Dark Shadows
the way that he stages the town is
great. I love that little seaside town.
You know so like I think maybe he's
coming back to something.
I think that
Alice in Wonderland was just such a mess of CGI
and green screen and all that shit
and it's just so awful. You need to keep him on sets.
Yeah exactly.
Keep him on sets. Keep him away from CGI
fill-in shit
as much as possible.
It's also one of those things
where like,
it is very difficult.
There are very few people
who are good at composing images
in green screen movies.
There are also very few eyes
that have ever been this big.
Yeah, that is true.
You don't say,
you watch Alita,
which has a lot of CGI stuff in it.
It has more practical locations
than I thought there would be.
Well, they built like the city set.
They had like that.
But like Rodriguez
through like all his trial and error
of doing all those movies
and Cameron certainly,
like they understand
how to compose a frame
in a green screen space
that still looks like
how you would shoot a movie.
But most directors need to be on a set,
see where the actors are blocked
in relation to the walls and the architecture and then figure out their angles and how to light and all that sort of stuff.
Right, right, right.
And so when you get like Alice in Wonderland where he's like, I don't know, walk towards the camera.
Yeah, they're just anywhere.
And then he just hands the footage to someone and they paint a thousand tulips jerking off.
They did do that, which was weird.
There's that weird tulip bukkake scene.
In Tulip Feverip fever yeah you're talking
tulip fever
and I was like
tulips keep coming
can I express my thoughts
like a bukkake party
yes
so I've been kind of
going through
Neil Young
Bob Dylan
some of these like
you know
really established musicians
the Tim B Burton's of music
their later stuff okay because
we all have like the albums that
represent like their peak
and it's like sort of
oh my god they still were putting out music
are you trying to reassess the later work
to see if it has merit
also who are you thinking of as a
musician analog
I don't really have it.
I'm just saying more.
This is what I'm going through.
So like.
You're talking about how like the Rolling Stones like released like 10 more albums after all
of their good albums.
And they sell really well and no one talks about them.
And so the Rolling Stones is this perfect example because it's like, you know, when
I was a younger man, I used to be like, I don't want to listen to some old fucking dude.
But now, of course, I've grown and matured and I've realized like they are a master
at what they do.
So they're on the planet longer.
They've experienced more life.
They actually write
better music and songs.
So I've been reassessing
all of these people's
like back catalogs.
I have a big...
The back end of the catalog.
But then you think
of Rolling Stones
and they've continued to put music out and continue to play but it's garbage. Back catalog. I have a big. The back end of the catalog. But then you think of Rolling Stones.
Yeah.
They've continued to put music out.
Yeah.
Continue to play, but it's garbage.
I'm going to.
So I kind of feel like with Tim Burton.
Yeah.
And I know.
They feel like late period Rolling Stones.
Yes.
Tim Burton.
Yeah.
Should stop.
He has nothing more to say. I'm going to say something.
He's not the master.
Ben, Ben.
And we might have to cut this out. Oh. Just FYI. It's not a big deal. It's just. I was going to say something. He's not the master. Ben, Ben. And we might have to cut this out.
So just FYI.
It's not a big deal.
It's just I was talking to Alex Ross Perry the other week at his wife's birthday.
And he debuted this theory to me.
And I'm not sure if this theory is like fit for public consumption yet.
So just in case it's not, I'll check with him.
Okay.
Basically, there's no director.
We were talking about this.
Yes.
Yes.
basically there's no director.
We were talking about this.
Yes.
Yes.
Apart from maybe in the classic era where the last part of their career
is their best chunk of their career.
You know,
like if you were going to say like,
what are their five best,
you know,
five films in a row.
They went out on top.
Yeah.
There's no director where you'd be like,
the last five films are the best five.
Right.
We don't know what U-Bowl's going to do.
So,
let's not.
And Burton's definitely pretty emblematic of that like he's a classic example of that where yeah yeah the thing that
you and I were talking about off of this is that like most filmmakers have a run where they're like
most in the pocket and like M. Night Shyamalan has talked about this a lot about how he like
scared himself into trying to make good movies again.
Because he's like, when I started out, I was like very naive about a lot of things.
Right.
And I was developing my technical craft.
Right. And like Sixth Sense, when you like get to that, it's like the perfect fulcrum point between like what I don't know and what I do know.
And then I start overthinking things.
Right.
know and then I start overthinking things like right you know not immediately unbreakable rules but it's like more and more he starts relying on his own experiences like well I know how to make
a movie right like clearly I've been proven right right so he's not second guessing himself he's not
holding his feet to the flame and he's just trusting his own instincts rather than interrogating
his instincts you know and he also is relying on the fact of like, I have technical skill at this point.
I know how to compose a shot.
I know how to edit a sequence.
So I shouldn't second guess myself.
And he said like, I had to mortgage my house
to be scared enough that my movie
started getting a little interesting.
Good to be scared, but also bad to be scared.
Yes.
Spooky.
But the other part of that is,
I think like filmmakers,
and it's not always the first part of their career. Sometimes it's the middle. Itooky. But the other part of that is, I think, like, filmmakers, and it's not always the first
part of their career, sometimes it's the middle, it's never
really the end, I agree, is
like, they hit a point where
they're sort of just in sync with the culture.
You know? Right. So, like... Well, that's
the thing, and I think Burton was so Gen X-y
and, like, yeah, there was
a certain... And now he's out of sync with the culture.
He works less post-9-11
because you're kind of like,
why is this guy complaining so much about
living in the suburbs where everything's
bright and sunny? But what about if he's
complaining about the
meat pies and
London's a big black pit?
That sort of sarcastic
cynicism
about happy people.
Right. What was that character, Emily or something?
Emily the Strange.
Yeah, you know, it's like that kind of era of things.
Why didn't Tim Burton ever make one of those?
I think he maybe was in that.
Right?
Yeah.
Or, like, when I was in, like, middle school,
early high school, like, I was obsessed with Edward Gorey,
the Gashly Cartinis and all that stuff.
And it's like, I still think that that's wonderful stuff,
but it's also just, like like we're not sort of at that
macabre sort of like
cute, but we're not at Big Eyes.
You know? No one's buying a Big Eyes
painting now. That stuff kind of plays better when
culture is kind of normal
and then people want to escape
into things to be cynical about.
When things are bad, you want Paddington.
Yeah.
Well, right. And I also think that like...
Imagine if Paddington had been married to Christoph Waltz.
I don't know.
It was my marmalade.
It was my recipe.
I made it all along.
I was in the kitchen with Knuckles McGinty.
See, I knew if I just threw that up to you, you'd knock it out of the park.
My marmalade.
Sorry, go on, Richard.
I was just saying that like, but pre-internet, Tim Burton offered maybe not exact haven for people who were weird or goth or whatever.
But now they can just go to any fucking forum.
They can find their absolute niche.
And Burton is just like, oh, but what about my thing?
And they're like, well, we don't need that.
It's too inexact.
And he's less in touch with his thing, I think.
Just in general.
He's a rich guy
do you think he got addicted to the money
I think he got addicted to those greenbacks
I don't know
this is the thing we often with these
miniseries we got a real grasp on the
director's personality and where they're at
but with Burton after
he gets married which we talk about and has kids
and stuff we kind of
lose any kind of hold on him in terms of like, what's up with Tim
Burton?
Right.
Because he gives these kind of laconic interviews.
Yeah.
He does these like laconic director commentaries.
Yeah.
And he sort of like works a lot.
Do you think Big Ears is going to be any good?
I hope so.
I mean, our friends who have seen it.
Say it's pretty good.
And some of our friends who are not predisposed to liking
late period Burton movies
have been very
I mean no one has told me
like this thing
is a fucking masterpiece
but most reactions
have been positive
it looks good
but I'll tell you
what both you and I
have heard a lot of
it kind of secretly rolls
like we've had the people
in hushed tones
like being like
I'm a little embarrassed
to say this
but it like kind of
secretly fucks
because I could see
it kind of rolls that's what we're hearing kind of secretly fucked. Because I could see... It kind of rules.
That's what we're hearing.
It doesn't rule.
Big ears.
I could see Burton having a sort of late-career-y thing,
which is something I think works about Miss Peregrine.
Because I like stuff about time travel and shifting.
Your favorite movie of all time to be clear.
My absolute favorite movie,
well, after Spanglish,
is that kind of wistful feeling
rather than the kind of like
creepy cute kind of thing
like a more sort of like I'm older now
time has passed I realize the world is like sad
in a different way and like Dumbo
could totally tap into that
100% I think Peregrine
is a classic BBP movie
I think Asa doesn't work and he doesn't totally crack that character.
Have you seen Sex Education?
No.
I'm like, why does that kid keep getting acting roles?
I'm sorry.
We talk about this on that episode.
He's better when he's British.
Yes.
But it is one of those things where I think he, you know, and this is the argument you can throw at big guys.
He used to be so good at the sort of alienated protagonist.
And as time goes on, those characters start to feel more and more disingenuous.
Like, that's the thing he's not connecting with.
Right.
Is the outsider, which used to be his specialty.
Uh-huh.
You can only do that for so long. Right. The fact that he seems more interested in vaults, perhaps, than Amy Adams in this movie.
That acid butterfield is like so kind of irrelevant in that film.
A similar thing with Alice, where I think once she lands in Wonderland, he loses her.
I kind of think the first 20 minutes of Alice, when it's live action, he feels like he has that character.
And then she like flutters away.
Look at this.
This is tomorrow forever.
This is the painting
that she did for the World's Fair
that Robert Moses rejected
on the grounds of being too frightening.
Tomorrow now.
Tomorrow forever.
What the fuck does Robert Moses know?
He was horrible.
Yeah.
He wasn't so great either,
but it is this sort of bizarre,
blasted,
like yellow alien landscape
with steps. Right. And then an army of big eyed children yellow alien landscape with steps right and then an army of
big-eyed children just kind of walking towards her what does margaret keen know yeah it's coming
weird yeah i wouldn't say it's awesome exactly but it's certainly like i want to know about the
person who did that yeah but then it turns out the story was well chris she married christoph
waltz and i'm like red flag mistake number one and she you know
had to stay inside all day
and paint big eyes
I mean
they created an industry
I mean good for her
that she moved to Hawaii
I like that that's her pivot
yeah
and that house is beautiful
yeah
it's a great pivot
and I was thinking about that too
I was like
when's the last time
I saw Tim Burton
do something that was so warm
and like
peaceful
and set in the world
you know
and I think that that's nice.
I mean,
I think this movie's merits
are aesthetic,
you know,
for the most part.
I mean,
the performances are,
well,
I find Christoph Waltz
so off-putting.
I know that's kind of the point,
but like,
it's just like,
by the time you get to the courtroom,
you're like,
oh my God,
someone like,
killed this guy.
Like,
he's so awful.
I'm very in the bag for Waltz.
I like him a lot,
even though he can sometimes
kind of repeat himself.
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah.
I mean, what's he doing now?
Oh, we know what he is doing next.
He directed a movie.
He directed a movie.
What?
It's at Tribeca.
It's called Georgetown.
What's it about?
Georgetown?
No, I don't know what it's about.
Let's find out.
They announced four years ago that,
longer ago, they announced in 2010 that Universal
Studios was making an Emily the Strange movie with Chloe Grace Moritz.
Oh.
She's all wrong for it.
What?
That's not right.
That's terrible.
Kristen Ritter or whatever.
In December 20, well, it's supposed to be very young.
Well, a young Kristen Ritter.
In 2016, it was reported that Universal had abandoned the project.
Dark Horse Entertainment and Amazon Studios were in negotiations
to make an animated film.
A social climber
becomes the main suspect
in his wealthy wife's death.
Oh, that sounds interesting.
It just sounds like
Reversal of Fortune,
which, like,
if you made Reversal of Fortune now,
Christoph Waltz
would play Klaus von Bulow
and he'd be like,
I did not kill my wife.
Who is
in the film? It looks like Vanessa Redgrave
and Annette Bening and Corey Hawkins
round out the cast. Interesting.
And here's a picture also of
Waltz in the movie.
Saluting.
Directorial debut of
an actor premiering at Tribeca is
sometimes a dicey proposition
no offense to the Tribeca Film Festival
why? it's just sort of like
because it means it didn't get into Sundance
yeah it's a slightly lower tier
film festival
I don't know
usually when an actor has directed a movie
you're kind of like well this could go
anyway
sometimes it works out.
I saw that guy's divorce movie.
Gonna need more.
Yeah, just a little bit.
Weird looking.
Dano is his last name.
Paul Dano.
Oh, wildlife you're thinking of.
Yeah.
It's funny that you said Dano is his last name.
It is that guy's divorce movie.
Not how I would describe that one.
I think that's a fair assessment.
I like that movie fine.
That's on the higher end of actors making a directorial
debut at a festival.
Their eyes are too small.
They didn't have big eyes.
Although the kid has some big eyes.
Can I read a thing?
Nine years ago,
right after Inglourious Bastards,
Christoph Waltz announced he was going to move, transition to directing
in a film that never got made.
Emily the Strange.
Was announced.
I will play Emily.
She is so strange.
Announced post-Oscar 2010, Christoph Waltz was going to make a German comedy
called Off an Davon.
Translates into Up, Up and Away.
Translates into Big Eyes?
Can I read this description and imagine him also playing the host?
I assume he was going to play the host.
Sure.
A romantic farce centered on the ruthless host of a dating competition show who develops feelings for one of her contestants.
Oh, so I guess the host is female?
Her contestants.
So he's one of the contestants?
Maybe.
I don't know.
It doesn't say.
I would love to take you on a date.
I am Zabatcha.
I am Zabatcha.
The actor's also considered taking a supporting role in the film.
Right.
I think that sounds like a great Christoph Waltz movie.
There's a lot of movies
that I'd love to plug him into.
Yeah.
What's he doing in broadcast news?
Show me that.
You know what I mean?
Like, I want to see him play
like a newspaper boss
or something like.
Sure.
You know, people always
cast him as villains
and that's fine.
Yeah.
He plays a fine villain.
It's just a little boring.
Like, I want to see him
do more of that kind
of middle character.
Well, here's a pitch.
What if he plays J. Jonah Jameson?
Sure.
That'd be weird.
That's like the one Marvel character they won't recast.
They haven't cast him, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just get Simmons back.
Yeah, that's what I want.
I want them to just be like Simmons and you just do a different performance.
Sure.
Right.
Yeah, just bring him back.
You're still the right actor.
Just come up with a new take on the guy.
Redo the movie Jack
with Christoph Waltz.
I am five years old.
I am but a child.
They could probably get
Jennifer Lopez again.
I want my nap time
and my juice.
Cosby might be tricky.
He can Skype in.
Big sentence.
I don't know.
The small German boy
looks like a man
this is Christoph Waltz
for Jell-O
like the Jell-O
pudding pops
they jiggle
give him a sitcom
put him in the Conners
could you imagine
Griffin doing the impression
have him marry a Connor
could you imagine
Griffin doing the impression
could you imagine
Christoph Waltz
like Thursdays at 8
on CPS yes exactly Christ imagine Can you imagine Christoph Waltz like Thursdays at 8 on CPS?
Yes, exactly.
Christoph!
Christoph!
Christoph!
How are things down
at the, you know,
the plant?
It should be called
Take This Waltz.
I am just a blue-collar
American worker.
It is kind of like
if there's another
direction for him
it would be that thing
where they were just like
Arnold Schwarzenegger
will just play Americans and it won't be addressed exactly yes i worked so hard
to put the meats and potatoes on the table it's like how in like liam neeson movies like sometimes
they're like yeah like we'll call him something weird and like that that'll indicate that he's
not from america but sometimes they don't i grew up in chicago it's so weird when he does that. I'm just a local Colorado boy.
Howdy, y'all.
Are you listening to me? I'm Abraham Lincoln.
On this podcast a while ago,
we were doing a joke about Harrison Ford
being in Lincoln and just like,
damn it, Lincoln.
Every time I think about it,
it makes me laugh.
Damn it, Lincoln. Every time I think about it, it makes me laugh. Damn it, Lincoln.
Big Eyes.
Big Eyes.
Big Eyes!
Oh, we didn't talk about
the Lana Del Rey song.
Yes!
One of which is just called
Big Eyes.
With your big eyes
and your big life.
And it plays in the movie.
It does.
It does.
And the other one's called
I Can Fly, I believe. And that's at the end. Is does. It does. And the other one's called I Can Fly, I believe.
And that's at the end.
Is I spelled E-Y-E?
It should have been.
I believe Big Eyes
was nominated for Golden Globe.
I believe it was.
Not a Golden Oscar.
So Lana Del Rey
is a Golden Globe nominee.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Did we get Lana Del Rey?
I really don't.
I don't know if I like her music.
I think that first album
is still really good.
Yeah.
I like Young and Beautiful. You know, I like some of music. I think that first album is still really good. I like Young and Beautiful.
I like some of those songs. I like that she seems a little
in on the joke. Or a lot in on the joke.
The whole
argument when everyone was like, it's a
made-up persona. It's like, that's the history
of pop music. What are you talking about?
This was also
her weird quarter. She had a couple years where she was
mostly a movie song person.
Right.
She did a lot of them.
She did the Great Gatsby songs.
Maleficent.
She did Maleficent, the cover.
It was like every movie had a like, and now the single from Lana Del Rey.
Right.
Either her covering something or writing an original.
Did we mention how big the eyes are?
I don't know if we talked about that.
In the movie?
We should bring that up. Oh, yeah. That's right. The eyes are very big.'t know if we talked about that maybe we should bring that up
the eyes are very big
we've talked about all the performances
the judge James Saito
you know how I sometimes will just tweet at people
just a photo with no text
I used to do this a big one
a reaction photo from Amy Adams
on the set of Big Eyes
her expression is just like
something about it
makes me laugh it is wild when they do the classic on the set of Big Eyes. Her expression is just like something about it just
makes me laugh. It is wild when they
do the classic, which I am, I mean,
look, I know people make fun of this all the time.
They make fun of this all the time. This is one of the few
cases when they show the real people, they look a lot like
the characters in the movie. Yes, I mean, but I just want
to make this clear. I am such a sucker
for the photo of the real person. I don't
care. Do it. Show me the real
person. Blow it up. Show me eight
photos. I mean, I do think it's hilarious
in Green Book that they couldn't find a photo of them together,
which is like...
I wonder why. I thought it was
based on true friendship. It is based on true friendship.
How dare you? But
I love a photo of the real person.
The staging of the real person
and the actress together
is more unusual.
Yes.
But I kind of admire the boldness of that.
But yes, when you see the picture of her, you're like, what?
That was her hair.
Oh, yeah.
That's very intense.
Like Bob.
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah.
And she's still alive painting her fucking painting.
That's the other thing is like she just paints every day.
Talking about Jehovah.
That's like her expression.
Like that's her thing.
And she can't psychoanalyze her own process.
And that's Burton's
like Tim Burton.
And sometimes he's totally
in sync with the culture
and he becomes an industry
but he doesn't really know
what to do with it.
You know?
And Christoph Waltz
was the opposite.
Like he was just
the salesman.
He understood the position.
Right, which is what he's good at.
This is nominated for
an Independent Spirit Award
for Best Screenplay.
I think it's an excellent screenplay. I do
think it would be better. I agree with
the take from Twitter. It probably would be
a better film structured
around the court case.
The flashbacks, yeah. Well, because the court case
is so compelling.
And because of the narrative
strictures of how long a movie can be,
they kind of have to rush it.
But this is kind of the whole thing.
And the other thing is,
yes,
I mean,
it would maybe be more satisfying
if that's a superstructure
and you can keep cutting back and forth.
And then the other thing is,
I think what's interesting
about this character,
about all these people,
these like highly successful sociopaths
who just like lie and lie and lie
and lie and lie
is that they truly don't believe they're lying.
Right.
And there's something kind of fascinating
to maybe doing a movie
where you show a little more
of how he remembers
things being.
Yeah.
Because this is clearly
a guy who's rewriting
his own reality.
I mean,
I like that scene a lot
with the daughter
where they're like
convincing her
that she didn't see
the mother.
it's creepy.
With the painting.
And that's like,
I agree is like
a failing of this movie
is that the older daughter
is not very good.
She's just like,
I always believed you mom.
So you can't really like
dive into like her perspective.
Because that character is interesting.
Because she had to live
with that asshole for like so long,
you know,
and be kind of gaslit by.
That's the thing.
I think like,
you know,
it's an interesting subject
when these children grow up
in like weird households
and are just completely like
accepting memories
that they are told.
Yeah.
You know,
by the parents who are trying to write what their past was.
I wonder what she's doing now.
The daughter?
Yeah.
Making even bigger eyes.
She wrote Dumbo.
Yeah.
Right.
Big ears.
Yes.
And big nose is coming next.
Pinocchio?
Oh.
I think he already turned it down.
Do we know what Burton's doing after Dumbo?
No.
Shrug.
No idea.
What's he going to do?
Oh, bye.
Goodbye.
What the heck?
He's telling him
to get out of here.
Get out of here.
I mean, look.
Go away.
There's a bit of
the Simpsons thing
with Burton
where it's just like
it kind of sucks
that the Simpsons
is still on the air.
Yes, for sure.
I mean, certainly true
with the Simpsons.
You know, in the same way
between Burton and Simpsons. There's now been twice as much Simpsons. You know, in the same way, like, between, like, Burton and Simpsons.
There's now been, like, twice as much Simpsons that's bad than good.
It used to be that there was the same.
Right.
And now it's, like, we're getting close to 20 bad seasons versus 10 good ones.
Right.
Because, like, The Simpsons is, like, 10 seasons.
Burton, it's, like, the first 10 movies.
And for me, those things are, like, you can bring up your qualms, but it's a pretty incredible run.
You know, for that first 10.
And then you get to the period where it's just like the shining spots are so few and far between.
And you have to do a lot of heavy lifting to really like argue their worth.
Now, this is my question to the three of you.
This movie is his second lowest grossing film ever.
$14 million domestic, $29 worldwide worldwide so then after this disney announces
that he's making dumbo right after this they announced it what did he make a peregrine i guess
uh i feel like maybe he signed on five years before pair and before dumbo i think he signed
on to dumbo early okay because they shot it a while ago.
There was a lot of CGI.
Okay,
but they didn't shoot it five years ago.
But I think he attached
himself pretty early.
Anyway,
the point is,
I remember them
announcing Dumbo.
2015,
so yeah,
you're correct.
Thank you.
I agree with you.
Now?
Yeah.
Now you agree with me.
He was announced
as the director.
Yeah,
they didn't start
making it until two years later.
Yeah, but they announced it.
Stop throwing lit matches at each other.
And everyone went like, oh, see, look, here's the proof.
Tim Burton, he's got nothing to say.
He's just remaking all the old classic Disney movies.
Yeah.
And I go, if you want him to do something different, you got to show up.
Oh, well, here's two things about that.
One, this movie was released by the Weinstein Company, which at this point was completely unable to release a movie.
Correct.
Just couldn't do it anymore.
Didn't have the financial resources.
Right, they were insolvent.
Had that weird thing where they could only have one movie
in a theater at a time.
Yeah.
Two, it was released Christmas Day,
which is an abominable time to release this movie.
It should have come out in April.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
This movie needs a lot of space
three i'm pretty sure 14 million is the ceiling for this movie anyway it's a maudie movie it maybe
could get like 30 because it's got big actors but you know like this is a big guy and big and big
eyes i mean it's probably the highest grossing big guy well no because you got a lead in it yeah
thank you but um does box office Mojo have a tab for that?
It should.
Big eye movie?
It should.
But, you know, this should be like a Sony Pictures Classics movie
that comes out in the summer and kind of like, you know, a wife
that kind of gets to sort of like, you know, loop around.
What if there was a wife?
Thank you.
What if the book was great?
What if the eyes were big?
Yeah.
Okay, let's play a Box Office game.
Yeah. Christmas 2014. Ooh. a box office game. Yeah.
Christmas 2014.
Ooh.
How wide was the release
that first weekend?
1,300 screens.
Wow, so they immediately
went to 1,300?
Why?
Yeah, fuck the Weinsteins.
It opened to 4 million,
number 15
at the box office.
That's insane of them
to do that.
On Christmas.
That's insane of them
to do that.
It's a mid-wide release.
What are they thinking? Mid-wide is the worst release. That's insane of them to do that. It's a mid-wide release. Like, what are they thinking?
Mid-wide is the worst release.
That's when you know the distributor has no, like, faith in the movie.
Idea to do what to do with it.
Because you either go little or you go wide.
And mid-wide is like them being able to go like, well, we tried.
We couldn't do anything.
It's like eyes.
Right.
You know, you either go big or you don't.
Right.
It's the impatient platform.
I don't know.
I don't have time to platform this.
Yeah, you build like half a platform and you're like, get on that
platform. Three quarters.
Exactly, exactly. Alright, number one
is Christmas 14.
It's a sequel.
It's a
trequel. It's a third
one. It's the third. The third and
final entrant in a
trilogy. It's not a Hobbit, is it?
It's a hobbit.
Oh.
Which one?
The Desolation of Smaug.
There and Back Again?
No.
No.
It's the other.
Back at it.
High Noon at Mega Mountain.
What's the fucking,
it's the last one?
It is kind of a
High Noon at Mega Mountain.
What if the Lord of the Rings 3
was Lord of the Rings
High Noon at Mega Mountain?
Wait.
The third one isn't called
There and Back Again? No. The first one's An Unexpected Journey. I knew it. Mega Mountain. Wait. The third one isn't called There and Back Again?
No.
The first one's An Unexpected Journey.
Correct.
Then Smaug.
Oh, it's the Battle of the Five Armies?
Yes.
I believe initially the first two were going to be called like-
Yes.
That's what it was going to be called.
Unexpected Journey, There and Back Again.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But instead they split into three and the third one's called The Battle of the Five Armies,
which is something that happens mostly off screen.
I know I have seen that movie but I could
I don't remember
a single thing about it
it has like
Billy Connolly
as a dwarf
riding a giant boar
what
yes
right you haven't seen it
no one tell me that
it has a whole
20 minute sequence
where Richard Armitage
is like on LSD
and drowns in a pool of gold
oh wait
I do remember that
yeah
no it's not
it is weird
that I have not seen the
other two but now you have like a pop culture complete as i am now you might as well just
wait until we do it on this podcast once we started this podcast i'm like i'm gonna wait
until we get to jackson just like when does anyone ever just sort of sit down at home and think like
you fire up the hobby weirdly like i got 10 you like the them don't you i like them all
they are kind of bad but i was so turned off by the first one after being a
big Lord of the Rings fan that I was like, I don't care.
I was kind of excited and the movie started
within 10 minutes. I was like, oh my god, I have to be
here for so long. There's all the dishes to do.
They have a party and then they do the dishes.
A lot of dishes. And then they sit around
and they sing about the mountains they're going
to go to and you're like,
are you guys going to leave the house?
I've told this story before on the
podcast but my father did not see any of the lord of the rings films and then went with me to go see
the hobbit in high frame rate and when they're at like minute eight of doing the dishes he was just
like what the fuck is this like he just like could not be less into anything. Well, can you tell me the Battle of the Five Armies worldwide final total?
$948 million.
956.
Amazing.
That's crazy.
That's the thing.
No one likes those hobbits that made billions of dollars.
It was like jury duty.
Like those three movies were like jury duty.
Gotta do it.
It's the Mr. Show coupon, the movie sketch.
It's like a required romp.
Yes.
Mandatory fund.
One of your favorite.
Yeah.
And you know those movies came about because Peter Jackson was suing Guillermo del Toro
and they went to court and the judge said, make three Hobbit movies.
Right.
And del Toro couldn't do it.
There literally was a-
My arm is hurting.
But that's what they don't say is that those movies
were shot entirely in a courtroom.
There was a jury who had to
spend three years of their life
watching Peter Jackson.
They had to go through all the production.
All the blocking rehearsal. The judge was like,
I give you each $250 million
per picture. Now go.
It is truly a crazy thing that we don't
talk about that. Del Toro was so
close to making those movies. Yeah, and he's
credited on them. So late.
And then Jackson didn't want to make
them and was like, fuck, if
I don't make them, they're going to get shut down.
And all my friends are like... Yes, 100%.
And New Zealand was basically like,
are we going to have to fire all the teachers this
year? And Jackson was like I'll make the hobbits
they're like yay!
School stay off!
Right.
It was like he felt so much guilt.
It's a huge provider of the
obviously big jobs in New Zealand.
He talks about
he talks about how he had like
three months to prep.
Right.
No it's insane.
And he was just like
I just felt bad
I didn't want everyone to lose their job.
When you see
there's a lot of
Del Toro in those movies.
The monster design especially.
Especially the first one.
It's just sort of like smattering.
Anyway, number two.
At the box office.
I remember seeing him talk.
And he made his take on the Hobbit sound really interesting.
Del Toro? Oh, I believe it.
We'll talk about that if we ever do Jackson or if we ever do Del Toro.
He's doing well.
In fact, let's see how
he's doing in the poll.
Just posted today.
It just went up today.
Who's Del Toro up against today?
McKernan.
Here's a blast from the past.
Is he beating him?
Is he sending him to jail?
Not Del Toro, Jackson.
Read the post.
Oh, Jackson.
Copy on the post.
Peter, quote,
the Tolkien boy, Jackson,
versus John, quote, Jail McTiernan.
Go.
Did you write that?
Ben wrote that.
Did you text it to Ange?
No, he just posted it himself two hours late.
Great.
Oh, I love you, Ben.
I'm sorry.
It's one of my favorite.
Now he feels bad.
I was having fun.
It's one of my film Twitter favorite jokes.
But when Black Panther came out and they said,
so they cast Bilbo and Gollum in Black Panther.
It's literally a movie with two Tolkien white guys.
Jackson is beating McTernan.
That's a good joke.
It's funny.
It's funny.
Jackson beating McTernan.
42 to 48.
52 to 48.
Okay.
Very close.
Okay.
What's number two at the box office
it's a musical
huge hit
Into the Woods
yes
another one people
forget
doesn't exist
doesn't exist
no one likes it
no one likes it
well
the woods were big
I don't know
forget it
it's so weird
that Disney made that
and that it made
a lot of money
and that she got
nominated for best
supporting actress
and no one will
ever watch it again
for the rest of time
never nope it's not even a movie where like if your high school theater class I'm going to have your best supporting actress. And no one will ever watch it again for the rest of time. Never.
Nope.
It's not even a movie where, like, if your high school theater class is doing Into the Woods, you screen it for them.
Absolutely not.
It's not even that.
And it's not like when I found out, much to my horror, that, like, people younger than me, like, regularly watch the Rent movie.
Which I think is, like, should be buried under a pyramid or something.
But I, Into the Woods doesn't even have that weird.
Right. No, Into the Woods is't even have that weird. In the East Village.
Right.
No,
Into the Woods is just like nothing.
Nothing.
Yeah,
no,
Into the Woods
is just,
you see it
and like as a scene
like leaves,
it just leaves your brain
as they cut.
And it just made
like a breezy
114 domestic.
I think like 125.
Same.
Just a cool
laid back 114.
The Hobbit 3
making almost a bill.
That's the thing.
You guys are talking about two movies that don't exist.
Get ready for number three.
It does not exist.
I'm loving this lineup.
And made 115 million domestic, 163 worldwide.
This was a hit film.
A genuine hit film.
An additional 163 or that's the worldwide total?
Worldwide total.
So it didn't make as much.
The bar was low.
I've never heard of this.
He's never heard of this.
115 domestic.
It's like an inspirational movie.
It was trying to go for Oscars.
It didn't, you know.
It didn't get Oscars,
but it connected with the public.
I guess.
115 domestic.
If you sat anyone down
and said like,
do you remember seeing the film?
They'd be like, nope.
And you'd be like,
well, I have your ticket here.
You clearly saw the film.
They'd be like, no, I didn't.
Did it get any nominations?
Inspirational, but not faith-based.
Well. Well.
Oh, yes. This is
everyone thought this was going to be like
the runaway best picture, best director.
This is Unbroken. Unbroken.
Angelina Jolie's Unbroken.
Oh, Jesus Christ. A full-fledged
domestic blockbuster. I stood in an elevator
with her for that movie,
and I don't remember that movie.
Do you remember a year in advance when everyone's like,
this is going to be the second time a woman wins Best Director?
This is the one.
And that movie is also nothing.
Does it exist?
Not only does that movie not exist,
it wasn't well-received, particularly.
No, but no one was angry about it.
Everyone was just like, yeah, it's sort of perfunctory.
And it made lots of money.
So much money.
Crazy.
Crazy. How much did it cost, though? $65 million. Oh, so it did fine. That's a of perfunctory. And it made lots of money. So much money. Crazy. Crazy.
How much did it cost, though?
65 million.
Oh, so it...
It did fine.
That's a big hit.
Yeah.
Big eyes.
Big eyes.
She has big eyes.
Yes, she does.
She's got big eyes.
Very big eyes.
Not Alita big, but...
No.
Not far.
Tim Burton turned down Maleficent.
Did big eyes instead.
Number four.
He was in talks.
Wow.
Number four also doesn't exist.
Okay.
Number four.
He was in talks.
Wow, number four also doesn't exist.
Okay.
It's the third in a series of children's films.
Is it?
No, it's not Narnia 3.
No, no.
It's the third in a series of children's films.
It doesn't exist.
Is it the last?
I believe so. Is it live action or animated?
Live action, but it's got a lot of CGI antics.
Live action with creatures.
Yeah. It's got with creatures. Yeah.
It's got some creatures.
Yeah.
Three of them.
Oh, boy.
And it's not chipmunks.
No.
Not chipmunks.
Does it have celebrities?
Big star.
Do the creatures talk?
I don't know.
I've never seen these fucking things.
It's a big star, but it's the same big star in all three of them?
Yeah.
It's not the Garfield, is it?
No.
Big star. Smurfs? No. Big star.
Smurfs?
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
They only...
Because three was kind of a hard reboot.
I was about to say not your Smurfs, but of course it's your Smurfs.
It takes place during my favorite time of the day.
No, they're not my Smurfs.
It takes place during your favorite time of the...
Is it a night movie?
Correct.
It's a nighttime movie?
Is night in the title, or is it just a big element?
Night's in the title. Night's in the title. Oh, Night at the Museum 3? What's a nighttime movie? Is night in the title or is it just a big element? Night's in the title.
Night's in the title.
Oh, Night at the Museum 3?
What's the subtitle?
Legends of Curly's Gold?
I Knew to Make a Mountain.
I Knew to Make a Mountain.
Can I get this correct?
Is it Secret of the Tomb?
Correct.
Wow.
And Rami Malek.
That's whose tomb it is.
Yeah.
What's the secret?
That's whose tomb it is.
That he's going to win
an Oscar for being a raptor.
And Ben still looks at it
and his face melts off
and he turns into a skull
yes
that's another movie
that doesn't exist
doesn't exist
speaking of Robbie Malick
David
on the last time
I was on this podcast
you had just seen
Bohemian Rhapsody
you were talking about
this on Little Gold Man
yeah
I was like
no one's gonna be
talking about that movie
I was like
what a piece of shit
whoops
won four Academy Awards
four Oscars
and made close to a billion dollars.
David's swinging his mic around.
I don't know what to do about that.
Remember when it kept winning Oscars
and I was just in a cold sweat
and then Roma won director
and I'm like, okay, maybe I can settle down.
Best Picture went to a green book.
Do you remember when we could not stop it?
When Bohemian was still number five at the box
office 212 weeks
later. I was flying back from Mexico recently
and literally everyone
who's a monitor could see was watching that movie.
I know a lot of people who watch it on a plane
because I feel like they also feel like well now
I'm not contributing to its box
office or anything like that. I can watch it on a plane.
Do you remember when the last 20 minutes of that movie
are just a shot for shot recreation of a concert you can just it on a plane. Do you remember when the last 20 minutes of that movie are just a shot-for-shot recreation of a concert
you can just watch on YouTube instead?
Correct.
That is better?
Yeah, sure.
Anyway, that's The Secret of the Tomb.
It made $113 million.
It made $363 million worldwide.
That's kind of a big drop-off.
Yeah.
But it's still, you know.
Because the first one did like $260 million.
Oh, and Amy Adams, isn't she in?
She's really good in two.
Is she in two?
I thought she was in both. She's only in two. Well, there's three. No, I thought she was in two and three. No, and Amy Adams, isn't she in? She's really good in two. Is she in two? I thought she was in both.
She's only in two.
Well, there's three.
No, I thought she was
in two and three.
No, I don't know.
She's only in two
because it ends with,
I think, her flying away.
And then happily ever after
and then she's fine
and she lands
wherever she's going.
You've never seen two, right?
No.
I'm debating
whether or not to say this.
What's next at the box office?
Another movie
that doesn't exist.
Hooray.
It's another musical. It's another musical? That's? Another movie that doesn't exist! Hooray! It's another musical!
It's another musical? That's right.
Starring Richard's favorite actor.
Did it get any Oscar traction? No.
Is it an adaptation of a Broadway show?
Yes. It's been done as a movie
before. Dickie's favorite actor.
Yes. His favorite actor.
Taron Andrews?
Big Dickie Lawson. No, she's younger.
Younger than Taryn
Quite young
She
Oh
Quvenzane Wallace
That's right
Is Annie
It's a hard knock life
It's Friday
For viewers
I don't know
No that was good
I actually never saw Annie
Is it bad?
I think it's like
The ultimate
Like Gentleman's Five
Cameron Diaz in it
Is pretty rough
Yeah
Like I understand why she retired.
It's a glop.
Right.
That is her last movie.
It's her last movie.
85 it made.
Because it was supposed to be Bullock and Willow Smith.
Right.
That was the whole thing with that movie was Will Smith was setting up his kids to be movie stars.
And then they were like, we're not into it.
You're doing Karate Kid.
You're doing Annie.
Go.
But the movie was like fully set up.
And she was like, no, I don't really want to go to school today. Right. And like Quavate Kid you're doing Annie. But the movie was like fully set up and she was like no I don't really
want to go to school
today.
Right.
And like Quavanzane
had just got nominated.
Yeah.
She's cute right?
Yeah.
Friday.
She does some musical
theater training.
It is the weekend baby
have fun and enjoy it.
If anyone doesn't
there's a great
Quavanzane Wallace
tweet where she was
like eight years old
and she has this like
world weary like
thank God it's Friday.
It's like what are you
what are you talking
about?
What did you do all week?
Aren't you happy
that she seemingly
has just like
just I think
is living a normal life now.
Come back to have a normal life.
Yeah good for her.
I was worried
at Annie
that they were going to keep
pushing.
Yeah 100%.
One good performance
then you're
go live a normal life.
Yeah I agree.
That's the top five
for the box office.
We've also got
Mockingjay part one.
We've got The Gambler.
Another movie that barely exists.
We've got The Imitation Game.
Today we call them Big Computers.
One Best Screenplay.
Exodus, which we call Big River.
A movie I like.
Really?
I like Noah.
I like Noah.
I'm into Noah.
We've got Wild,
Big,
Hike.
You know what's crazy?
This top 15,
top 10 you're reading
is mostly horrible films
that don't exist.
2014 was a rough year.
Okay,
but then I was going back to
because I was trying to
Well,
no,
not even my list.
I was trying to find
Is that when Birdman won?
Yes.
Yes.
Which is terrible.
I mean,
it's my least favorite
Best Picture winner
of the modern era.
I guess I hate Green Book more.
I hate Green Book.
I don't know if you know about this movie called Green Book.
Hey, fuck you.
I'm better than the Birdman.
Get out of here.
Hey, give me a sandwich.
What is he called?
I'll beat you in the hot dog competition.
What is he called in the movie?
What's his lip?
Tony Lip? Tony Lip, because I got a mouth, you know? Virtu competition. What is he called in the movie? What's his lip? Tony Lip?
Tony Lip, because I got a mouth, you know?
Virtuoso.
It's Italian.
Pretty good.
We fold this pizza in half here.
Hey, give me a fucking pizza.
Give me a pizza as big as her eyes.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, deep south.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You're racist.
Okay, look, I'm racist, but you guys are being racist.
I'm cool with gay people, of course.
Of course, I have no problem with that at all.
That makes contextual sense.
I work at the Copa.
I said this to someone. I don't know if it was to Griffin. I at all. That makes contextual sense. I work at the Copa. I said this to someone.
I don't know if it was to Griffin.
I'd watch a movie of him being a bouncer at the Copa.
Fully.
That sounds like a great movie.
Him just bashing skulls.
All right, go ahead.
Walter Keene comes through.
Green Book 2.
Yeah, exactly.
Hey, big eyes.
I got big fists.
So I was looking for what Bilger wrote about big eyes.
Yeah, big eyes.
And I found his top 20 list, which is where he wrote it
on his blog, okay?
Right.
And, uh,
bad year at the box office,
bad year at the Oscars.
Let me rattle off
some 2014 movies to you, okay?
Interstellar.
My number one of the year.
Beyond the Lights.
Great movie.
Selma.
Great movie.
We Are the Best.
Great movie.
Uh, Two Days, One Night.
Great movie.
Uh, The Lego Movie. Love it. The Imm Great movie. Two Days, One Night. Great movie. The Lego Movie.
Love it.
The Immigrant.
Sure.
Snow Piercer.
Pierce Big Train.
Inherent Vice.
Big Mystery.
Force Majeure.
Big Avalanche.
I mean, that's his top 10.
And then you get down to Edge of Tomorrow.
I was going to say that's in my top 10.
John Wick.
Yeah, Big Revenge.
Like some good genre films too.
You also had Big Hotel.
Number 18. Big Eyes, Grand Budapest
Whiplash, Big Drum
Big Turner
Big Turner, I mean there were good movies
Big Girl, gone
where'd she go?
that's the end of this
that is the end of our working relationship
the big clock is almost done counting down
and don't forget about Bigzilla
people don't give that movie respect,
but that's a fucking great movie. He is a
chonky boy. Godzilla's
a chonky boy. I thought you were talking about Aaron Taylor
Johnson, and I was like, I agree.
Oh, boy. You've got
a chonky boy looking at Aaron Taylor Johnson.
Oh, gross. Yeah, sorry.
Big dude.
Now that the new Godzilla is
imminent,
I feel like people are bringing up again the argument of why is
Godzilla so chunky
and they're like it's an American thing
it's like American gluttony the Americans have made
Godzilla so fat
look at the old Godzilla films he always had thunder thighs
that was always a bit
cause he needed space for the fucking person
to fit
the only time the guy's ever been lean
is in the Roland Emmerich movie.
Right.
And that's the one
that's bad.
Right.
Alright, we gotta wrap up.
Yeah, we're done.
Hey, excuse you.
I still got
7 minutes or something?
9 minutes and 53 seconds
on the clock.
But we're done.
Richard's gotta go.
420.
Yeah, baby.
Smoke weed every day.
Are you going to
see a screen?
no I'm going to my appointment to get TSA pre-checked
it's time
I gotta say did you see Beach Bum?
I did not see Beach Bum and they're screening it
they're done screening it
when we're recording it's out in like two weeks
also how did you see us early?
I actually can't tell you
on mic but I'll tell you off mic
oh I have to tell you the shit story
so let's end the show because now I want to hear these stories
let me just say Blank Check
thoroughly endorses signing up for TSA PreCheck
no seriously I mean you just walk right in
it is kind of nuts
I'll be a checky of a different variety
it takes so little work
we should try to get a co-sponsorship
you know that I'm paying you guys money
I'm paying money for this podcast that I'm on right now.
In some ways.
Blink pre-check.
Yeah.
I'm also doing, I think, the global entry,
even though I don't fly internationally that often,
but why not?
Why not?
Sure.
Okay.
Thank you all.
Everyone's very interested.
Reddit's going to blow up about this one.
Do you have anything to plug?
Your book and paperback.
My book is in paperback. Say the title. All we can do is wait. It's going to blow up about this one. Do you have anything to plug? Your book in paperback. My book is in paperback.
Say the title.
All we can do is wait.
It's a really nice new cover.
I'm happy about that.
It's a smart buy and a great read.
And, oh, yeah, go see Miss Peregrine, my favorite movie of all time.
Of course.
Well, we'll talk about her next week.
Do you get money every time they sell a copy of Peregrine?
No, they just send me a Blu-ray.
So I have a lot.
They send you a Peregrine.
Yeah, they send me Eva Green.
She does my laundry for a week.
Exactly.
Do you want to promote your Game of Thrones podcast?
Oh, yeah.
So I have A Little Old Man, which is the main podcast of EF, but also we're doing a Game of Thrones thing for the last season.
I guess the episodes will be up like Monday morning, I think.
Me and Joanna Robinson,
who's been on this show.
Thrones, Thrones, Thrones.
That's right.
Still watching Game of Thrones.
Find it on Apple,
iTunes,
podcast,
or whatever that thing is.
Right.
Hells yeah.
Nailed it.
Thank you all for listening.
Please remember to rate,
review, and subscribe.
Go to blankies.rat.com
for some real nerdy shit.
Go to TeePublic
for some real nerdy shirts.
Remember to sign up for Blank Check Special Features on Patreon.
They're so wonderful, by the way.
Thank you.
Thank you.
They're really great, and I want to do big nice.
We're going to get you on the count.
Speaking of big things.
We've got to get you on the count.
We had that one idea.
Oh, yes.
Well, we should do that, but you can also do a commentary.
We've put that on the schedule, but you also can and should do a commentary.
I do like that now that we record at Big Nice,
we can say like,
we can refer to doing the couch
like we're Johnny Carson.
That's right.
I want to get on that couch.
Yes, that's the big...
The greatest honors.
Call me over.
Call you over.
You're Tim Allen.
And we're calling you over to do panel.
I'm seeing here you are a guardian of the galaxy.
That was a great Christoph Waltz.
These eyes are sure big.
You see these eyes, Ed?
A raccoon has a new rocket.
Some weirdo.
Why don't you?
You don't want us to do Carson?
Not into the Carson?
You don't want us to do Christoph Carlson?
What's wrong with Carson?
Nothing.
Come on.
Should we do Dangerfield now?
Yeah.
I get no eyes. No eyes. Should we do Dangerfield now? Yeah. I get no eyes.
No eyes.
Jesus Christ.
My wife looks at me.
My eyes are so little.
Don Rickles.
You get gone.
You hockey puck.
You got split peas for eyes.
I watched a Twilight Zone episode with Don Rickles last night.
Was it good?
Yeah, that guy was such a good actor.
Great actor.
He never got enough
opportunity to show us
what he could do.
That's true.
He's great in...
Toy Story?
Potato Head?
The Norm Macdonald movie.
Oh, Dirty Work.
And he did win his Oscar for that.
Of course.
So thank you all for listening.
His pen was the only part of that year.
That was the year.
Thank you all for listening.
You already did all that.
Thank you.
And as always, the thing I didn't want to say is that Amy Adams' butt looks really good in the museum too.
Wow.
Amelia Ear butt.
Every heterosexual adult male I know who has seen that movie took note of it.
All right.
It's a weird thing.
Great.
Also, big eyes.
Big eyes.