Blank Check with Griffin & David - Blank Check

Episode Date: March 18, 2017

For their 100th episode Griffin and David decided to celebrate the occasion and finally deliver on the their listeners pleas to get meta and review their namesake movie, 1994's kid flick: Blank Check. Music selection: "東京 HAZE (extended tape version)" from SANDRAWAVE by 猫 シ Corp. (https://catsystemcorp.bandcamp.com/track/haze-extended-tape-version) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/3.0/)

Press and Waters, you know what you've got? P-O-D-C-A-S-T podcast. Yeah, that's good. Thank you. Hello, everybody. My name is Griffin Newman. David Sims here. This podcast is called Blank Check with Griffin and David.

We are hashtag the two friends. Correct. Two friends. We host this podcast. That's our competitive advantage. It's true. It's almost, we're kind of juiced, one might say. Yes.

Not to foreshadow. A tip of the cap. We've been juicing. kind of juiced, one might say. Yes. Not to foreshadow. Tip of the cap. We've been juicing. We've been juicing. With friendship. Yes. Branding is king in this day and age. Sure.

And look, who are we? We're content makers, right? We're content makers. We're brand kings. Yes. We're juiced to the gills with friendship juice. Social influencers, definitely. We're influencers.

We're thinkfluencers. Yes. And I don't know where I'm going with this. Brandfluencers. Brandfluencers. And we both have influenza. So this is a podcast about directors. Usually. Who experience massive success early on

and are given... Usually. Usually. Are given a series of blank checks to make whatever they want. Sometimes those checks clear and sometimes those checks bounce, baby. Usually.

Usually. But what if, for today, a special day, our... 100th episode. Return of that sound effect. Remember when I used to do that a lot? I didn't like it.

You never did that, and for good reason. It's new. We only do it on a hundo. Nope. For our 100th episode, we're going to do something very special. Because ever since we dubbed this podcast Blank Check, there's one question I've gotten a lot. I don't know if you get it as much. Oh, I get it.

Go, what's your podcast? It's called Blank Check. It's about movies. Oh, is it about that movie Blank Check? No, it's not. Well, you got this from like Jessica Williams or whatever, right? I got this when I was on Two Dope Queens. And it was like, oh, man, what a good platform.

Right, right. I get to plug my podcast. I get to promote my podcast. Right. And it was like, oh, man, what a good platform. Right, right. I get to plug my podcast. You were like, I'm here to promote my podcast. Right. And I was like, I got a podcast about movies. It's called Blank Check. And they were like, oh, my God, is it about that movie Blank Check? And I was like, no. And they were like, oh.

And in front of a live audience, I saw everyone's, like, shoulders slump. Jesus. Yeah. Well, that's why people tune in to slump their shoulders. Yes. To our beautiful chats. Right. But so we said, let's get meta.

Right. Hey, it's the 100th episode. What else are we going to do? Talk about our dicks? beautiful chats. Right. But so we said, let's get meta. Right. Hey, it's the 100th episode. What else are we going to do? Talk about our dicks? Come on. Yeah. Which was our second idea. It was.

It was a close runner up. It was. Yeah. We were going to talk about our dicks as if we got a blank check to make our dicks whatever they wanted. We wanted them to be. Oh, interesting. Yeah.

You could have any dick. Pasta Hut. Pasta Hut. It would have been real Pasta Hut ofasta Hut. Would have been real Pasta Hut of us. Pasta the Hut. So we said, well, let's get metal. Let's make an episode about the movie that we share a name with that is about someone being given a blank check. Yes. This is not a blank check movie.

Let's make a movie in which someone gets an actual blank check rather than a metaphorical blank check. This is not a movie about the filmmakers having a blank check. I just want to clarify something. As much as we say that, say,

James Cameron got a blank check for Titanic. No, he didn't. There was money. There was a number. There was a number. It wasn't actually blank. Right.

Now, maybe it started out a little blank. The studio was like, how much do you think this would cost? And he was like, $240. And they were like, fine, $240. Maybe he said it's going to cost $150 and it ended up costing more. Sure. Nonetheless, never was there an exchange where a blank check was handed out. This is a great point.

Because in this episode, we're getting meta and we're getting literal. No more fucking metaphors for you. And they thought we couldn't give you 90 minutes of content about this fucking movie. Hey, we're content slingers, baby. That's what we do. To get onto this discussion, we have to introduce the third wheel of our bicycle. Yeah, we do. He's the producer of this podcast. Yeah, we do. He's the producer of this podcast.

Yes, he is. Also a benducer, a pro-doer. He's the poet laureate. He's the peeper. He's the tiebreaker. He's the fuckmaster. He's not Professor Crispy. You can wish him a hello family.

The poet laureate, did I say that already? He is White Hot Benny. He's Soaking Wet Benny. He is the fart detective. He is the meat lover. He is Dirt Hot Benny. He's Soak and Wet Benny. He is a fart detective. He is a meat lover. He is Dirt Bike Benny. Wish him a hello, Fennel, if you see him.

This is kind of a Dirt Bike Benny movie. Oh, hells yeah. That's why I'm introducing him early on, because this character, this movie feels like the adventures of young Ben. The Ben Hosley story, yes. Spoiler, don't say his name yet. He's graduated certain titles over the course of different miniseries, such as Kylo Ben. The Ben Hosley story. Yes. Well, spoiler, don't say his name yet. Sorry. He's graduated certain titles over the course of different miniseries, such as Kylo Ben,

Producer Ben Kenobi. Why do you always say it wrong? Kenobi. Because that's his name. Because I'm a bae. Yeah. Exactly. Thank you.

Kenobi. Yes. All right. Okay. Obi-Wan Kenobi is named Obi-Wan Kenobi, but Producer Ben Kenobi is named Producer Ben Kenobi. That's how you pronounce it Ben and Sean Long Ben say anything

Ailey Ben's with a dollar sign and uh that's a spoiler Ben will you bleep that out oh yes yeah Ben bleep that the fuck out Jesus that's how far ahead we are though yeah well done though well done in theory being on it you know what I mean

being on the new name but of course we're not actually going to need the new name for four months. You know what I mean? Being on the new name. But of course we're not actually going to need the new name for four months. Hey, you know what they say about me? That Griffin Newman, he sure can learn patterns. Yeah. So I learned that new pattern quickly, but a little too quickly. Anyway. Anyway, guys, I'm happy to be discussing this film.

I also have people, when I explain the show, ask me if we've ever talked about this movie. Finally, we're doing it. We're finally doing it. I just want to start off right at the top and just say, Funky, Cold, Medina. I have a question for you guys relating to the tagline of this movie. Ten comedy points, Ben. Well done, Ben. When Preston Wander sees an opportunity, he takes it. That's the tagline of the movie. Sounds a little... Please?

Sounds a little locker room talky, if you know what I'm saying. Uh-huh. Good call. Let's turn that euphemism into a euphemism for what it's trying not to be a euphemism for. That's what I think we need to do, right? Because here's what I don't like. I don't like when people go like, that's a little grab him a euphemism for. That's what I think we need to do, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because here's what I don't like. I don't like when people go like, that's a little grab them by the pussy. No, it's not a little.

Yeah, right. That can't be a little of that. Right, right. What we should say is that's a little locker room talk. Allies. And use locker room talk as a euphemism for sexual assault. Anytime I'm being, anyway, it doesn't matter. Allied?

Yeah. Oh, allied. Allied, though. Two and a half stars. Oh, four. Allied, though. Two and a half stars. Oh, four. A gentleman's four. So when you guys see an opportunity, do you take it? That's just my question.

You're asking me? Yeah. No, obviously not. Great. You kidding me? I miss every shot. Same. When I see an opportunity, I'm like, oh, God, I hurt my foot.

I can't come outside today. Yeah. I'm like the inverse of that fucking Wayne Gretz I'm like, oh, God, I hurt my foot. I can't come outside today. Yeah. I'm like the inverse of that fucking Wayne Gretzky, like, fucking mantra. Mm-hmm. You know? What is, I don't actually know. What's his mantra? You miss 100% of the shots.

Oh, sure, sure. Of course. Classic. I'm like, I don't need to take a shot. My back's hurting. Blank check. The movie's called Blank Check. A Rupert Wainwright film.

Yes. No relation. The movie's called Blank Check. A Rupert Wainwright film. Yes. No relation. No relation to Loudon and or Rufus and or who's the sister? Yeah.

No relation. That was my first question. Of course, because they're a showbiz fam. Right. Martha Wainwright. Martha Wainwright. This is a director who eventually moved on to doing horror films. He did the Fog remake and Stigmata. You wanted me to run down some Rupert Wainwright joints for you?

We started out as a music video director. Started out as a music video director in the hip-hop genre. Yes. Worked with NWA. Tone Loke. Worked with MC Hammer. Tone Loke. Worked with Tone Loke.

The great Tone Loke. Uh-huh. This is his debut film. Didn't he do the MC Hammer movie? That is a straight-to-video movie, but yes, Hammer and Home. Right, but you know what I'm saying. Blank check, then he makes a movie in 98

called The Sadness of Sex. Sounds like a Griffin Newman story. We both were rushing to get to that joke. Jesus Christ, this looks like a goddamn disaster. And then like your kind of movie, yeah. We both were rushing to get to that joke. Jesus Christ. This looks like a goddamn disaster. And then Stigmata, as you mentioned. Right, a little bit of career rebrand there.

The Fog, which was a remake with Tom Welling, I think. Yes, famously a movie that took me a very long time to guess in the box office game. That's correct. Because that movie doesn't exist. He's done a little bit of TV work, but that's kind of it. Yeah, I went to his IMDb page. He's English. He's English, so you must be proud.

I'm so proud. He made a Dillinger TV movie. He won a Grammy for the Please Hammer Don't Hurt Him the movie in 1991. That's what I was talking about. No, there's also Hammer and Home, though. And he was nominated for a Grammy for that as well. Okay, well, the one I was thinking of was Please Hammer Don't Hurt Him. But these are, and

you know, he made You Can't Touch This Video, which is a famous video. Yes. He did the Too Legit to Quit video. Lots of, you know, straight out of Compton video. A lot of classics of the early 90s. A lot of classics. And this does have this movie has a real early 90s

MTV movie, video sorry, MTV video vibe. Now I'm tired of this like, 90s kid, you're a 90s MTV movie video. I'm sorry, MTV video vibe. Now, I'm tired of this like 90s kid. You're a 90s kid if. Oh, sure. 90s. The Buzzfeedification of the 90s. Right.

But this is the fucking 90s movie ever. No offense to Buzzfeed. Yes. This movie is so fucking 90s. In every way down to its fucked up morality. Right. I think a lot of people throw that like oh my god this is so 90s on this stuff. Like dude that's so

90s. It's just like oh because we're in a sideways hat. But this movie is like top to bottom aesthetically morally culturally a 90s Americana movie. Right and also just in its like conception just like the idea of this movie. Everything about it. What's also

where it's like they just stopped bothering with anything but like... What are kids like? They like to have stuff. Here's the other thing about this movie that's very 90s. This movie's written by a man named... Blake Snyder. So Blake Snyder... An American screenwriter.

Was known in Hollywood for a period of time as the king of the spec script. He wrote Stop or My Mom Will Shoot, which he sold for like a gazillion dollars, right? He sold for like two million dollars and there was a bidding war. Like it was like everyone was like fighting. Five hundred thousand dollars actually. Okay, okay. But everyone was like. For then, lots. A lot. Everyone was like fighting for it aggressively and the movie's a disaster. Not only is it

a huge flop, but it's like a punchline. Especially for Stallone, who's had a lot of embarrassing films, that still ends up being the one that uses a shorthand. It's true. It's one of his famed bad... And he sold Blank Check for a million dollars. Okay, that's where I was... Which is ironic, considering the sum at the heart of the movie Blank Check is a million dollars.

I think he sold 13 spec scripts, including one that he was setting up with Spielberg at Amblin. So it was a good direct, but it was going to be an Amblin movie. Nuclear Family. Yes. None of the other ones got produced. Yeah, no. But he sold a lot of scripts, which, hey, you know, a lot of people make their living in Hollywood

just writing scripts that never go anywhere. But that, to me, is very quintessentially 90s because there was that 80s sort of arms race thing where it was like your Shane Blacks and your Joe Esterhouses who were like coming up with these crazy spec scripts and it was like, who can sell more? And it became suddenly like the elevator pitch becomes this like hallowed art where it's like, if you can just get in the room for five minutes and be like, here's my idea.

It's die hard, you know, in a staircase, like, you know, and it's going to star. I'm thinking fucking Sly Stallone, whatever, you know, right? Like, well, and I also think like you think about some of my mom will shoot is right. Like it's like Golden Girls. You love it, right? Right. Estelle Getty. You think she's funny?

Sly Stallone. Let me like, you know, that's the catch. They're wet. Here's the catch. They're wet. Is exactly how Ben would do an elevator pitch. But I also think that's that's this transformation that really sort of like takes hold in the 90s. Like it starts in the 80s and by the 90s it becomes.

No, by the 90s the script writer is suddenly someone who you're hearing about. It's like the ones you just mentioned where it's like, ooh, they're making millions. Well, I also think like, you know, if you look at movies or TV shows, I almost knocked over my mic. So excited about the point I'm going to make. Yes. If you look at movies or TV shows that depict like show business and have scenes where people are pitching stuff. Yeah. Like before the 80s, if there's a pitch scene, it's someone going like, there's a girl and God, she wants to get out of this town.

But there's a boy and he keeps her there. And they're like pitching this story from an emotional level. Right. And by the time you get to the 90s, if they're parodies of business when there's a pitch they're like it's die hard but in a submarine right like it suddenly becomes like the pitch isn't an emotional story the pitch is what's the hook what's the elevator pitch what's your one sentence log line and it becomes if you got that and then your script is quote-unquote functional yeah you can make a million dollars right and esther house and shane black get into this like dick measuring contest where they were like

who can write a script faster who can sell it for more. Yeah. And both of them sort of crashed as a result of this. Well yeah especially because these movies

fucking suck that they start making especially Esther House. Right. And Shane Black like goes into the world and re-evaluates and then comes back

really strong. Esther House never fucking recovers. Well yeah. Burn Hollywood burn that killsvers. Well, yeah. Burn Hollywood burn. That kills him. Right. Yeah.

But this is this period of time where you have people like Blake Snyder who I think are like looking at what Shane Black and Esther House did. We've made our points. Carry on. Sorry. I interrupted you.

And so it's very nice to be like you come up with a hot concept. Yeah, we get it. And you make it work. Now, Blake Snyder, most famously, after this movie. That's what I'm trying to get you to. That's what I up with a hot concept. Yeah, we get it. And you make it work. Now, Blake Snyder, most famously, after this movie. That's what I'm trying to get you to.

That's what I'm getting to. Okay. I was going there, babe. I was driving there. Yeah, but slowly. Make your point. Now he's trolling me. Uh-huh.

Let me just straighten my bow tie here he wrote a book called Save the Cat he did which is one of the most famous colon the last book on screenwriting you'll ever need so that's what it is right still the number one selling book

among screenwriting manuals on Amazon I was going to say so there's like Robert McKee's story. A classic. And Save the Cat, Save the Clap. Save the Clap. Save the Clap is a book about STDs. Save the Cat is a book that Blake Snyder wrote that is sort of like the fucking accessible,

like fucking, you know, this is like the colloquial fucking screenwriting book robin mckee's all heady this is just like look this is just how shit fucking works yeah if the hero saves a cat the audience likes it's basically like a bunch of hack bullshit it's basically just like where he like watches movies and he's like you know how an alien ripley saves the cat and that's why you like her that's the key to screenwriting. It's like what the fuck are you talking about? He found a lot That's why Alien is good. Yeah it's good

because that fucking Alien. That's like a decent little detail in Alien. Like I mean it also leads I think to any time I've watched Alien with somebody who's never seen it half the time I feel like

when she goes for the cat they're like not the fucking cat. Who cares about the cat? I agree. Every time I've seen Alien in a theater that's happened. Or they go like are you fucking kidding me?ones alien stressful at that point you just wanted to

get away from the goddamn alien like that's partly it's not just that you don't care about the cat yeah also her saving the cat happened so late in the movie that if he's like right at the end of the movie he's theorizing that that's what gets the audience on board with ripley as a character he's a goddamn idiot right but he's also's also dead. Let's point that out. But... Blake Snyder? Yeah, he died in like 2009. Yeah, but when he wrote the book,

he was alive. And he was an idiot. Yes. And now he was an idiot. Right. So he looked at like all the most successful and beloved movies of all time and was like,

oh, what are the common denominators here? Sure. And tried to reverse engineer a screenwriting book from that. There are things you could fucking ascertain from that book in the sense that a broken clock is wrong twice a day. Wrong twice a day. Right. Twice a day. Wrong the other...

All the other times of the day. Right. Yeah. I'm not gonna do that math. So, yeah. That's sort of become his legacy. And that's like this weird asterisk to this movie is that you know, like Robert McKee, everyone goes this movie is that you know like Robert McKee everyone goes like well Robert McKee

Robert McKee and they go like yeah but show me what fucking screenplays has he written. Why is this guy the fucking authority on screenwriting when his

last credit is story consultant on direct to video Barbie movie which is Robert McKee's last credit. Sure. Story consultant on direct to video Barbie

movie. Why not. Gotta make that money. They go like that book's he's a blowhard, he's full of hot air. You should read a book by a guy who's actually

sold, produced, Who are these straw men that you're talking about? Blake Snyder. You go, oh, what did he write? Blank check. Blank check and

Stopping My Mom will shoot, bro. But I feel like blank check is like its greatest lasting cultural legacy is that it's like written by the Save the Cat guy. Yeah, I don't think that's true, but i think that is one of its cultural legacies i think it's honestly i think its greatest cultural legacy is literally just that it became synonymous with the term blank

jack like yeah a term that before then was not synonymous with really you know anything past like a sort of general phrase of like oh oh, you know, name your price. Especially if you were a 90s kid. Only 90s kids will remember this. But it would be your introduction to the term, which also means it was your introduction to thinking about money in a different way. Something like Richie Rich was just abstract. It's like, he just comes from money. He's really rich.

But Blank Check is like, what if you got a lot of money? Now, I think in a previous podcast or in a future podcast, I referenced the fact that he has a McDonald's in his house. And that's in Richie Rich. I might have said that it was in blank check.

I can't remember now. I think you confused it. I may have. But I remember, I mean, actually, I may have thought it was in both. But it is in Richie Rich. It's not in blank check.

That's all. Can I pitch you on the accidental trilogy I just came up with? Okay. I said this to Ben. I think there are three movies that are of a piece that all come out within three years.

Well, Richie Rich is the same year, 94. Right. This film. This is 94. And what's the other one? And First Kid. Which I've never seen. I want to look up the year.

That's the movie with old Sinbad. The President's son and Sinbad. 96. Star of Shazam. Sure. That's the fake movie that we all imagine. No, but I remember it, David. Look, David, if I remember something from my childhood

And now you're telling me it's different than what I remembered That certainly can't be the faulty memory Of a fucking two year old I don't fucking under I don't want to get into that We have to we have to be stay on target with blank check Yeah it's weird that no Mandela affects about things that happened Three years ago It's only stuff you wouldn't remember anymore

Because you were a fucking child and you didn't know how to read Okay alright Go ahead It's only stuff you wouldn't remember anymore because you were a fucking child and you didn't know how to read. Okay. All right. Go ahead. First Kid Sinbad is the cool, like, I mean, that's like the relationship between the fucking chauffeur and Preston Waters in this stretch out to a whole movie. It's not the money as much as the access. It was like this trilogy of films about, like,

what if you were a kid who had all the access in the world, but you also didn't have friends? Right. But Blank Check is fascinating to me because I'm just the amount of people

involved with this movie who are dead is alarming. Right. I was saying this to you last night. Because we were talking about it last night and I didn't know

Snyder was dead. He's dead too. The guy who played the limo driver is dead. Rick Decommon. They're all dying. Miguel Ferrer. Miguel Ferrer. Miguel Ferrer.

Right. Fucking Michael Lerner. Michael Lerner's still alive. I got scared for a second. I thought he was dead. I did too. Is it Reb Horn's dead? Yes, Reb Horn's dead.

John Pulido recently died. John Pulido's in this movie? No, but I'm saying you might have been confusing Michael Lerner and John Pulido. Maybe that is what it is because I was thinking of just like early Coen brother guys. I was going to say. Because, early Coen brother guys. I was going to say... Because Lerner was actually in Hail Caesar and quite funny in a very brief role. Oh, right. I forgot he was in that.

And then Tone Luke didn't die, but collapsed last year on stage or something. So, like, you know, just, like, everybody fucking watched their backs. And also Seabair and Jamal tragically canceled after only one season. Tone Luke's cartoon show where he played a streetwise teddy bear. I'm sure you all remember Seabear and Jamal. And Karen Duffy is paralyzed. Karen Duffy's paralyzed? I think she's okay now. She got

neurosarcoidosis. Jesus Christ. Okay. It's just a little alarming and if I was Brian Bonsall I would just like watch my back. That's all. Have you looked up Brian Bonsall? Who plays Preston Waters? Yes, I have. Yes, I have. He's like a punk singer now.

No, but also he got arrested for like domestic violence and shit. He's like a bad person. He's a bad dude. So like everyone, how's Jane Atkinson? She was in 24. You know what? She's doing okay. She's doing okay.

She's married. There is. This movie's kind of cursed a lot of people who worked on it. she's married there is this movie's kind of cursed a lot of people who worked on it if Michael Lerner's family

is listening right now please please take out a life insurance policy the biggest one you can afford Lerner's 75 like you know

I suppose he's he's you know he's doing fine like right it would be less I'm not going to talk about this is weird it would just be less shocking

if we lost Michael Lerner just because he's a little older it's just it's weird you know some of these people not that old. Yeah, well, especially Seabear and Jamal was just sort of getting its sea legs.

I mean, they were just cracking those characters. The story potential was huge for that show. Uh-huh. The bear was streetwise, David. Uh-huh. Seabear. Yeah. And Jamal.

Please, we don't have much time. We got all the time in the world. We got a blank check, baby. Okay. Okay. So here's the thing that I find interesting about Blank Check. Yeah. This movie sucks.

It's one of the worst films I've ever seen in my entire life. David texted me last night and said this is actually the worst movie I've ever seen. You hate it. I was... and here's the thing, sometimes I'll be more mad at a movie if I feel like it's wasting my time. You know, like if I have things to do and it's like, shit, I gotta watch this

bullshit right now. I had nothing to do. Yeah. Like, I was sort of, you know, I had it on and I was like, you know, doing some other stuff, you know, just because it's a boring movie, but like, it wasn't really sucking up my time. I had a free evening. I made it. My apartment's a mess right now, and I really need to clean up.

Like, do, like, a massive cleanup and reorganization. But I was like, oh, fuck, I gotta watch this movie. Like, you texted me, and I forgot that I hadn't watched it yet. And I was irritated while watching the movie that it was taking me away from doing a thing I've been procrastinating from doing for weeks. Go ahead. Cleaning my room. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, I was just like, oh, great, you can watch that movie.

That's an excuse to not clean your room. And then I started watching the movie, and I was like, man, I wish I was cleaning my room right now. Yeah, it's maybe a movie you could tolerate if you were, like, packing. I'm trying to think of, like, some terrible activity. Well, on the other hand, you've got to focus on it, because the micro details are alarming in this movie. That's true, and it is a film that is largely visual.

Jesus! Oh, boy. Turn your phone off. I get like 25 robocalls a day. You were with me that time that guy called and told me he was gonna beat up my mother. Do you remember that? Yep, that was weird. Because I hung up on a robocall. Okay.

Okay. Please turn your phone off. What is fascinating about- So many montages. So many montages. And like wordless montages that you have to pay attention. You have to pay attention. Yes.

But this movie is, it totally makes sense that this movie was written by someone who wrote a screenwriting guide. It makes, that makes sense. It makes sense that the movie came out in 94. Yes. It feels like an overreach by Disney because it's a Disney movie. And you're like, you know, the Disney brand meant something. But like, and in the 90s, I would say actually it did again.

But there was a time when it did not. What I was saying to Mr. Positive before we recorded is that like, you can't even fathom the idea of Disney making a movie like this today. No. Because they're so brand focused and anything they make that doesn't fit into one of their so-called brand like this today because they're so brand focused and anything they make that doesn't fit into one of their so-called brand silos. Yeah, they're silos. Right? Is like an inspirational true story.

Exactly. Sure. Right. You know? Yes. Like a Million Dollar Arm. Right. That's a Disney movie, right?

Or something the weird. No, it wasn't Million. It's the one about the cricket players. Yeah, it's called Million Dollar Arm. That was Disney? Yeah, that's it. Right. Yeah.

With Jon Hamm? Right. Yeah. Queen of Cotway, you know. Queen of Cotway, sure. Something where it's like, right, this is not exactly a Disney animation film or a Marvel movie or whatever, but at least it's like a Disney, it's something that would be on the cover of People magazine.

Like Finest Hours, which was based on True Story. I think a mistake on their part, although I like that movie, but yes. But Inspirational True Story. Yes, definitely. I think a mistake on their part, although I like that movie, but yes. But inspirational true story. Yes, definitely. I'd say the only other outliers are if you have something like BFG or Into the Woods,

which is high-profile director adapts well-known source material. Oh, sure. That's an Oscar movie. Sure. But something like this, they don't even make these types of films as vehicles for their Disney Channel stars anymore, which they used to. You used to have your things like prom or college road trip. You could maybe see this as a TV movie these days. Maybe. Maybe. A movie like this. Anyway. Anyway. You're right that it does seem weird that Disney made it.

It was a time where Disney didn't mean much, especially on live action. Disney was sprinting around its money a little more. It was the middle of the animation renaissance, but live action they had no idea what the fuck they were doing. And also, Disney would never release a film that is this morally fucking... Okay, so this is why I hated fuck they were doing. And also, Disney would never release a film that is this morally fucking... Okay, so this is why I hated the movie.

Yeah. I mean, it's a sick movie. You texted that it represents everything that's wrong with America today. That's probably part of the reason I hated it right now. I think so. Because certainly, we are living in bad times, and this is a movie that reinforces nothing good. Yeah. But let me give you a quick rundown of this movie, okay?

Okay. The kid's 12 years old. Is he 12? He looks so much younger. He's supposed to be 12. He does look younger. He's a twerp. I was a, I mean, I was really tired at the time.

Yeah. He was born in 81, so he is older at the time. He's just like a weird little kid. Yeah. He's supposed to be 12. Okay. He lives with his family. Doesn kid. Yeah. He's supposed to be 12. Okay. He lives with his family. Doesn't he even like, I'm sorry, just not even on a visual level, doesn't the way the

character is written read as like nine or ten? He reads as like a nine-year-old. Yeah. Yeah. Like who doesn't, who hasn't even sort of like started thinking about sex yet, but he's 12. Okay. He's got no friends.

You pointed out he's associated. This to me is the most disturbing part of the movie. He does not have any friends. You pointed out he's associated. This to me is the most disturbing part of the movie. He does not have any friends. But. There's one other kid his age in the movie who is presented only as like kind of a problem. An antagonistic figure. Yeah. He doesn't even have bullies though.

He doesn't have anything. He doesn't interact with anyone his age. Just his brothers who are like dipshits. His brothers who are older entrepreneurs. I didn't really figure out what the fuck would deal with his brothers. But this is a key point because like a differentiating factor between this. We should say Brian Bonsall, he was on Family Ties. He was like a vaguely well-known little actor at the time.

You know, that's all. I just sound a little. He's a real little in this movie. Yeah. They get some good comedy out of the suits fitting him poorly. They do. Yes. And he was also on Star Trek.

He was Alexander. He was Worf's son. But, you know, he's wearing like a klingon forehead so it's harder to tell humble brag uh okay but um richie rich is about a kid who doesn't have any friends but true but that's about he wants friends exactly his only friend is a butler and but also richie rich is based on like it's, it was an Archie cartoon, right? You know, like, Richie Rich is a movie about how wealth isolates you from people. Exactly. Blank Check is sort of trying to be that movie right at the end. Like, it's sort of like, well, and also the wealth isolated from people. At no point during the movie does that seem true.

Well, this is the point I'm trying to make, is that the entire story of Richie Rich is wealth isolates him. It's about him trying to form a relationship. Right, he's born rich, he has no friends, he wants friends. First Kid is about the fact that this kid's isolated because he's in the White House. He's the president, so... His best friend has to become a Secret Service agent.

These are the meat of what the movie's about. This movie is about a kid who gets a blank check. Also, for some reason, he doesn't interact with any kids. Right. So let me continue running down the story. He's a sociopath. You've got a kid.

He's 12. He lives with his perfectly nice-seeming family in the suburbs somewhere. It was filmed in Austin, Will Goss told us. The great Will Goss. Shout out Will Goss, yes. And Austin, Texas. So his dad, James Rebhorn, is some sort of- Love James Rebhorn. The late, great James Rebhorn.

No beef with Rebhorn. At this point, he has such good character actors. Kind of an odd role for Rebhorn, though, because Rebhorn usually plays scary guys with veins throbbing in their foreheads, or bureaucrats, or kind of like B-list villains. You know what I mean? Oh, see, but see, I think this falls into the other reb horn silo if you will which is uh a very composed well-spoken sure that's seemingly high status doofus who doesn't know what's going on very true i see like i've seen him do that in comedies before where it's like i'm speaking very intelligently but the joke is that he's oblivious

but i feel like this movie doesn't quite know what to do with his character no and he's too good for this movie he is too good he's playing this role anyone in this movie doesn't quite know what to do with his character. No, and he's too good for this movie. He is too good for it. He's playing this role. Anyone in this movie who is good is too good for this movie. He's playing this role. He's trying hard to make this role better than it is in the script. He's trying to plus the character on the page. Sure.

And in the process makes the movie more confusing. Because imbuing the character with that much humanity makes the film track less. Okay, so wait. Right? No, you're right. But I just want to finish the plot here. He doesn't like his life because his dad, who's an entrepreneur, and his mother, who sits at the kitchen table and does nothing in this movie ever.

She's a professional kitchen table sitter. And clearly does not fuck James Redhorn because James Redhorn is horny in this movie. He's real horny. Yeah, and every time he- He keeps talking about how horny he is. Every time he talks about how horny he is, she just gives him a look like, yeah, she just rolls her eyes. Like, it's a living.

It really is. It's the worst sitcom shit you've ever seen. But she's not even like It's just like, huh, when you get married, you never fuck again. And now David's the one knocking the mic over. He did a full, David did like a little fist dance. But it's not like she's actively resenting him.

Like, it's not like she's like, shut the fuck up with this sex talk. It's just like, too bad, Gilded Cage, motherfucker. Jane Atkinson is the wife. I can't have sex because I'm too busy sitting at this table. I ain't moving from the table. Anyway, so. You got to fuck around this table if you want some. We should say the kid's name is Preston.

Preston. Preston Waters. I was going to say Winters. When he sees an opportunity, he takes it. I know it's bad. So his brother, he can't get his own room because his brothers need a room for their office. So I'd say that's the primary conflict. It's a legit beef, I guess.

But I mean, it's a weird one. But that's the plot's primary conflict it's a legit beef i guess but i don't i mean it's a weird one but that's the plot motivator it is he wants his own bedroom he keeps on going on being like i need my bedroom and they're like you can't they're like sorry because your your kid your brothers who are teenagers have a business and he's like well that's that seems like a bad reason which is the one time i'm on board with him where i'm like wait yeah if they have a business can't they just get an office somewhere else? And Redhorn's reply is, one, my house, my rules, which is a good reply. Sure. And two, like when I was your age, I had a business, which like, okay, fucking let him have a room.

He's 12. He's got to start jerking off. Right. It's a very capitalist movie. Yeah. Jesus. Well, yes. Yeah.

But it's like you can't, you have no sway in this house because you aren't an entrepreneur. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where is your earning power, buddy? You get a room when you have a business. Is a 12-year-old played by a 13-year-old who looks like an 8-year-old? The only reason to have this subplot, I feel like, is so the kids get an advanced Macintosh computer, which can then be used home alone style for hijinks. Can we talk about the computer? We will when I'm done running down the plot.

Because I have thoughts on it. I do think this is where you see the save the cat in this movie. Uh-huh. It's that like. Well, you mean like because of course eventually like he needs to get his own room as the like emotional conclusion of the story. This movie is pretty fucking airtight in terms of setup. Sure. Yeah. conclusion of the story. This movie is pretty fucking airtight in terms of setup. Sure, yeah.

That's sort of like praising Mein Kampf on having a good turn of phrase. But it is like you kind of see that like, okay this guy did fucking break down the semiotics for how to make a functional, uninteresting movie. I guess so. I just feel like I've seen it better. What's the conflict?

He doesn't have his own room. Why? Because his siblings run a business out of there. How can he get his own room? His dad says he needs to start his own business. So what does he do? He uses the computer that he has in his room because it's being taken over by his brother's office. You know? Yeah. And the fucking integration

of the Michael Lerner thing, like it is, it's pretty tight in how much, because I was re-watching it being like, what fucking hoops are they going to have to jump through to justify this? And I was like, the first 30 minutes, it all kind of checks out. No, I'm out of this.

I'm not saying it's good. All right, I'm doing the plot. Get away. Get out of here. All right, now, I remember when I was a kid... Okay, let me get out of here. When I was a kid... Step, step, step, step, step, step, step. Don't we have a time limit, Ben?

Step, step. See you later, step, step, step. Don't we have a time limit, Ben? Step, step. See you later, David. I'm getting out of here. Guys, I really hate that bit. Creek. Slam. That's a Comedy Bank big bit. The Creek Slam part.

R.I.P. Harris. Yes. Sorry, I walked back in to say that. Let me do that again. Creek. Slam. When I was a kid, i thought that it was weird that this movie made so many narrative justifications for the fact that he walks into a bank with a check for a million dollars and gets a million dollars right in cash when i was a kid i thought the way it worked was

like if you've got the check they gotta give you Like, you know? I didn't get why there had to be the stuff with the mobster. Obviously now I understand. I saw this movie when I was eight in theaters. That's the only time I'd ever seen it before. Great. Door open. Hey, sorry. You can stay.

Jesus Christ, enough. Okay. So what I was thinking while I was outside. When I was a kid, I didn't understand why the movie had to offer so many narrative justifications. This is not funny. Well, it is funny. This is just a point I independently came up with

when I was outside the studio. Can you yell at him? Why? What's Griffin doing now? I did, re-watching it, not having seen it in years, I was like, I'm going to roll my eyes so fucking hard where you get to the scene where he shows up with a check and the bank's like, here you go.

Wait, you didn't remember the... I didn't. I didn't remember any of that. I just remember a guy hit him. He went to the bank. They gave him the money. Oh, I remember the opposite, which was there had to be a lot of hoops for it to jump through. When I was a kid, I was like, but if you have a check, like, isn't that all you need? Faint praise award. I want to give this movie credit for jumping through those hoops. No! Just because it does better than the mind of an eight-year-old doesn't count as praise.

No. Okay, so the idea is Miguel Ferrer, who I believe we opened the movie with him digging up some money, right? We do. And this is something I want to highlight right here. This movie was lensed by the great Bill Pope. I was going to say Dick Poop for a second. Dick Poop is another great cinematographer, but Bill Pope. This is Bill Pope, frequent collaborator of Edgar Wright, Sam Raimi.

And the Wachowskis. And the Wachowskis. Yep. Three amazing filmmakers. Sure. Has lensed incredible films. I'm going to keep on saying lensing because I want to sound like it. Great lenser. Crisp frames.

This movie has the mise-en-scene of a 90s neo-noir. Sure, it does. That's true. I re-watched it expecting it to look like a sitcom. It's not great looking, but it's better looking than it needs to be. I was very impressed.

Once again, maybe low bar. I was expecting it to look like... It's not great looking, but it's better looking than it needs to be. I was very impressed. Yeah. And, like, once again, maybe low bar. Like, I was expecting it to look like. It's got some interesting shots, especially that shot where he, like, drops the VR helmet onto Michael Lerner's head. Yeah. And, like, tortures him with visual feedback. What the hell is going on there? It's got this sort of, like, sunset color palette. Yeah, yeah.

Like, it's kind of golden. Austin, you know, the air snaps. It's like, you know, snap, crackle, pop. It feels really vaporwave. Ben, you just want to say vaporwave a lot. Here, Ben, just lay some vaporwave under the rest of my plot description, okay? Oh, hell yeah. Alright, okay.

I just think I've got to do less of the rest of my plot description. You look at that opening scene, and it looks like it's from a real prison movie. It looks like Blood Simple. It's like rain, dark, you know, thunder flashing. Tim Robbins pops out of the poop pipe in Shawshank Redemption, except with Miguel Ferrer

and you're like, wait, what? Miguel Ferrer. He's a mobster, gangster, I don't know, bank robber, I don't know what the fuck he is. He escaped from prison. A criminal. He's a criminal. He escaped from prison. He digs up one million dollars. He goes back to a bank.

What? Why are you laughing? One million dollars. And for the listener at home, I'm putting my pinky up to the side of my mouth. I think Griffin thinks we need to vamp a lot on this podcast. That's why he's doing so many bits. Oh, Griffin, that's a reference to... The Spy Who Shagged Me.

Yeah. Good one. Remember The Spy Who Shagged Me? Yeah. Well, that's one of them. I guess... One of what? There's more than one Spy Who Shagged Me movie?

That's a shit bit on shit bit. I'm in a good mood today. That's good. I'm glad you're in a good mood. I'm in a weirdly bad mood. Yeah, because. I'm glad you're in a good mood. I'm in a weirdly bad mood. Yeah, because you watch Blank Chips. Yeah. Okay.

He takes the million bucks to a bank. He leans on Michael Lerner, who, let's admit, in the 90s, was our sweatiest person. He was. Michael Lerner does not fuck around with sweating. And Michael Lerner, I guess, testified against him. And so he's like listen up bucko you're

gonna clean this money for me you're gonna launder it tomorrow i'm sending in a guy called juice with a check he's gonna pick up the million dollars now why miguel ferrer can't just pick up the million dollars considering he brought them in yeah doesn't make any fucking sense at all yeah um but whatever

michael learner's like okay then then miguel ferrer backs over this kid's bike with his hot gag. Well, after something very important happened. What? He gets a blank check for his birthday. Because his grandmother is senile and forgot to fill him out. They've set up that the kid would know the power of a blank check, I guess. So he goes, how much did your grandma give you last year?

$1,000. Uh-huh. We're like 10. What about inflation? 11. Mwah, mwah. So he goes, how much did your grandma give you last year? $1,000. Uh-huh. We're like 10. What about inflation? 11. Goes to the bank. Who's there? Karen Duffy. Right? Firebrand. MTV VJ. And he goes, I'd like to

open an account. And she's right from the get-go, weirdly flirty with him. She is hitting on him hard. We're going to get to that. That happens before. It's important to set this up. I know, but that's not plot-centric. That deserves its own podcast, its own FBI investigation. We're going to get

to the weirdness of that. This is plot-centric. God damn it. Because she says this, there's enough money to start an account, come back. And that's happening at the same time that Miguel Ferrer is at the bank. So they're both at the bank at the same time for that reason. Yeah, but I'm getting mad at you because it doesn't make any fucking sense what he does.

Anyway, this is the problem. He gets the blank check from Miguel Ferrer because, you know, that. They're both walking to the bank and Miguel Ferrer runs over his bike. And this kid who I like, the little redheaded shithead. He's a real shithead, that kid. I think it's a good shithead. He's negotiating going like, I saw it. He's a real shithead, that kid. I think it's a good shithead. He's negotiating, going like, I saw it, I'm a witness, you smell like vodka.

And Miguel Ferrer's like, don't fuck with me, kid. Miguel Ferrer is going 100% in this movie. Like, he's not concerned with toning it down because he's in a children's film. He's giving, like, the exact same performance he would give in a Paul Verhoeven movie. That is very true. Yes. And this movie looks like To Live and Die in LA. It does. And also, yeah, that's the thing. This is a

movie with a lot of threat. But we'll get to that. Yeah. So now the cops are coming. The heat's on him. He doesn't get time to fill out the check. He just gives him the check. Yeah, we all get that there's a blank check, right? Then here's where the movie loses. He, you know, he's got this blank

check. He's like, oh, blank check. Right? Blank check. He knows enough to know how to forge a blank check on his computer to know. Which is really tough in terms of formatting. It doesn't even explain that because holy shit. But that printer is used to having a full fucking 8x11, right? Like an A4.

Again, I'm with you. It'd be very hard to format, so only... Today I would struggle with this. Yes. Instead of putting $200, his first idea, which is how much he needs for the account. Delete, delete, delete. Then he's like, why not $1,000?

Because that's what the little smarmy kid is. Wait, delete, delete, delete. Then he decides to put in $1,000,000. Why would he do that? He's 12. He's not 4. He's not an kid. Yes. Wait. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. Then he decides to put in a million dollars. Yeah. Why would he do that? He's 12. He's not four.

He's not an idiot. Right. Like, he would be smart enough to, I think, know, this guy probably doesn't have a million dollars to give to me. Well, you've already answered your own question. Uh-huh. Which is, he's an idiot. He is an idiot. So he goes to the bank, and hey, guess what?

The guy does have a million dollars to give to him. He goes in. He's led into the back office. Michael Lerner says, juice learner says they think he's a fucking prankster so the old lady's like we drag you by i know i'm i'm trying to get through this jesus you're doing every beat i want to stretch it out this movie michael learner says juice you know because that is supposedly the name of the guy picking up this money is juice and he says no, No thanks, I'm not thirsty. Funny. Michael Lerner laughs. 100 comedy points. Michael Lerner decides,

I know what this is. This is just Miguel Ferrer being smart. Sitting in a kid. No one would ever suspect a kid. Brilliant. I wouldn't even think of this. No one would ever suspect a kid with a backpack full of 100 fucking million bills.

What the hell? Of course they'd suspect the kid. I assume you want large bills. No, small ones. Regular size is fine. Regular size. Funny, funny. And Michael Lerner's like, million bills what the hell of course they suspect the kid i assume you want large bills uh no no regular size is regular size funny funny and michael learne's like how many comedy points do you want and he's like i don't know one million so this kid through a bizarre set of circumstances gets one million dollars in cash in a backup pack in a backup pack it's a backpack overflowing with bills here's the rest of the movie he spends money he spends a million dollars in five days the end can i give this movie another

fame praise award okay this isn't actually an award for the movie but uh i not having seen since i was a child like half remembered was like yeah they give him a million dollars which is like not even enough to afford all the shit he does. I had forgotten the movie only happens over the course of five days. Like I remembered it being like, and then for seven months he spends a million dollars. Like this movie does actually acknowledge like that would run out pretty quickly. Um, well that's one thing I hate about this movie because I think the main message of this movie is huh a million

dollars can't get you anything these days okay thank you disney for making a whole movie about how you could quickly spend a million dollars because shit's more expensive like they keep making jokes to ferrer where it's like ferrer's like how the fuck did you spend a million dollars and they're just like you kidding me like you can nothing you can get nothing with a million dollars yeah i mean look you could spend 16 million dollars and four months and only produce a movie called blank check is that how much it costs i'm guessing right i was gonna say 20 but i feel like i'm overshooting you got no real names in this michael lerner probably had the highest quote at the time possible he was an os nominee, well, a few years back, but yeah, Barton Fink's 91. Yeah. Love Barton Fink.

Oh, I forgot, Tone Loke was pay or play in those days, so he probably... Tone Loke comes in, he's juice. He's the real juice. Now, we're going to talk about him, because Tone Loke's the one guy who I think is really on the level in this movie. He's great. Tone Loke is singing a sweet song. who I think is really on the level in this movie.

He's great. Tone Loke is singing a sweet song. He's playing a role that is maybe like one inch off of the absolute racism displayed in Disney's Song of the South. Agreed. Where they're like, yeah, yeah, sure, whatever. It's only been 50 years, but who should play like a shady gangster who threatens children with no humanizing elements?

I don't know. Get a rapper, right? Like, get Tone Loke. But there are two other weird elements to him, okay? Sure. And obviously, the director had worked with Tone Loke, so maybe that's why Tone Loke's in this movie. It's just like... Tone Loke also was hot at that point. I mean, he'd done Ace Ventura.

Ace Ventura comes out the same time. Like, literally the same time as this movie. So this was the year Hollywood was trying to make Tone Loke happen. In which Tone L make plays a fucking cop who is totally above the line and like good at his job yeah and he's also very funny in this movie tone locust handed like the shadiest shittiest character i've ever seen fucking spins it into gold he's so funny in this movie i don't know why he didn't have more of an acting career why didn't he look at those two films, you go like, he played very different roles in terms of status. He's got kind of like a Benicio

del Toro in like, you know, early in like the 90s vibe. It's got a great rest. Weird, like mumbly. It feels like he's improv-ing a lot of lines. It's that scene where he's like, I had a dog once called Nat King Cole. Is that what he called? Is that what the dog was called? I don't remember. And he's like, ah, he was a great dog. And you're just like, what the fuck's that line doing

in there? That's a weird line. Like, it's in the middle of a chase scene a great dog and you're just like what the fuck's that line doing in there that's a weird line like it's in the middle of a chase scene and it's just like Tone Loke obviously just ad-libbing some great stuff like he

he is threatening you know what I mean like you are afraid of him because there's that first scene where he bumps into Parker yeah is that his name

Preston Preston and he's kind of like hey what are you doing like bumping into me? Like, you know, he could get hurt doing that. Yeah. And you're like, ooh, I don't know. This guy's weird, right? But he's also really

charming and kind of, like, low-key funny and just, I don't know. Well, look at two counterpoints here, right? Like, two opposite ends of the spectrum with this character. One is that when he's introduced, it's him going to the bank to pick up the check at the agreed-upon time, right upon time, right? Okay, screenwriting, oh, save the cat, how does it

function? Tone Loke doesn't get there in time to stop Preston from getting the money because he can't stop leering at women, right? You're like, oh, fuck. Is that the function of this character? Yeah. That he's not there at the agreed upon time because he can't stop making passes and looking at butts

and all that. It's a good point. It's a good point. Right? Yeah. So now you're like, okay, it's a rapper playing the heavy, the enforcer. Sure, a goon. Who's not afraid to threaten a child. Right.

Although, to be fair, neither is Miguel Ferrer who dangles a child off of a skyscraper. Well, we'll get to that. What a weird movie. I think this movie was rated G. Yes. But then also he can't stop leering at women, right? Why am I getting more phone calls today than any time in history?

Who's fucking funny? Everybody. Everybody. What if it turns out when we end this episode that I missed like seven phone calls trying to hire me to be in a Star Wars movie. Yeah, that'd be great. I've never gotten this many phone calls in a limited period of time. Is it the same person?

No, it's different people and they're all people in the industry. So I might be missing something big right now. Should we pause and you could take a call? No, absolutely not ben if there's one thing this podcast is about and has been about since the very beginning through all our iterations is about me sabotaging my own career and i'm not gonna fucking ruin our brand this late in the game it's our 100th episode so oh this is what i want to say about the tonelow character yeah he's set up in that way right with the with the fucking leering they hit him like hitting on women

three times in his first minute on screen. And you're like, oh, fuck. And then his character becomes this one guy who's so charmed by what this kid is doing. As they have to go and search for this kid. That's what's good about it. There's two things that are good about it. That's one of the two things that are good about his performance. I mean, apart from the stuff we already said.

Right. Yeah. He immediately is like, this kid is really good at fucking you over, which is funny to me. Right. Yeah. Two, he keeps being asked to do annoying things like chase that kid through there, you know, through the fountain or like run after this kid. They have to go to kids places, kids activities, things like that. And he used to be like, I don't want to do that.

And they're like, fine, like I'll pay you more money. And as he's chasing me, he's like's like god this isn't worth any money like oh i can't do tone look because he's like i said he's del toro-esque and his like mumbly kind of it's easy just do a seabare impression and then you got ton look um but i also like that he like likes all the stuff the kid's buying like he thinks it's like cool you know and he does a really good job somehow magically miraculously like pulling the nose diving plane up and keeping it at like a reasonable altitude from being like an offensive simpleton character yeah or just like i don't know yeah he's good he's good he's funny he should have a he should have had a better career i have no idea maybe tone look was tough to work with i have no

i have no call on why tone look didn't like like last maybe he was immensely difficult um okay so now the movie is he's in ace ventura jr pet detect no he's not his song is oh weird funky colt medina uh aces in the house which he recorded for the first blank check so i I guess he's just going to use it again. Yeah, Ace Ventura Jr. is not a good film. I have not seen it, actually. Is that his name, Ricky Blitt? I don't know. He was the baby in Bebe's Kids, or Bebe's World. Oh, he was the baby in Bebe's World. Bebe's Kids? I think it was called

Bebe's Kids, right? I can't remember, yeah. So, he has the million dollars. Remember when that baby pulled the plug on Las Vegas, Ben? Remember when they go to Las Vegas and there are all the lights, and then the lights baby pulled the plug on Las Vegas, Ben? Remember when they go to Las Vegas and there are all the lights? And then the lights go out and they're like, what happened? And the baby's standing there like spinning around an electrical cord. Do you remember that?

I do. It's a good movie. You know what's good about that bit? What? All the power went out. Yeah, that's what's funny about it. And you know what else is good about that bit? What?

He's a baby. I know. So it's like, aw. How the, what big, big things come in small packages sometimes. You know? I don't like that. I know. Okay. I'm sorry. Okay. I have no idea what you're talking about. So he uses

Mr. Macintosh. He invents the character, this is Preston, of Mr. Macintosh. Goes home and immediately decides to buy property. To buy a castle. So he goes onto a website that's called like real estate for the 90s. It literally says on the screen real estate for the 90s.

Hey, man. Only 90s kids. Yeah. Yeah. You can do digital bidding and he happens to, happens to. Yeah, it's a lot of coincidence. Be bidding on the same house that Miguel Ferrer. Why doesn't Miguel Ferrer want this house?

Why doesn't he just want to go to Sweden or something? Why the fuck does he want to stay in town? Also, what fucking castle is on the market for $100,000? Okay, that's the thing. This is a castle. It's literally a castle. It is huge. Ferrer has some deal worked out where he's going to get it for $100,000 or something.

They're really close to closing the deal with him. That's nuts. Yes. I don't care if it's000. I don't care what real estate was in Texas in 1994. That's crazy. You can't get a one-bedroom bedroom apartment in New York City for less than $3,700.

And I know inflation. I know New York's crazy, but there's no way you can buy that castle for $100,000 It's a literal castle So he outbids him I'm not talking about Nathan Fillion He gets the castle for $300,000 David, I'm not talking about Nathan Fillion

Are you talking about his daughter Played by Danielle Panabaker? Yes She's also a castle Maybe Kay Panabaker One of them Panabakers Of the Minnesota Panabakers. She's also a castle. Maybe Kay Panabaker. One of them Panabakers. Of the Minnesota Panabakers?

Correct. Buys a castle. So that's a chunk of his million bucks. I guess he buys it straight cash. Yeah, he spends $300,000. So he's spent pretty much a third of his... A lot of the money. Yeah. Then he hires a limo driver.

Also, no one has ever closed a property deal that fast. No one has ever bought something and had people move in. Especially something that expensive. That's true. It happens in a day. A day. He buys it like 5 p.m. And then the next morning the dad wakes up.

James River wakes up to fucking. His shit's being moved out. Right. And the kid's bought a lot of stuff. He's hired a limo driver named Henry played by, what's his name? Rick Dukum. Dukum. I don't know how to pronounce it. But's a great character groundhog day in the burbs

and he's says to his dad oh i got a great character okay he fell prey to the blink checker diabetes i believe is what what claims his life diabetes diabetes yes um he tells his dad oh i got a job with mr mackintosh this new big like hot rod in town and his dad is like instead of being like but you're a minor that makes no sense or who is mr mackintosh or what are you talking about when did this transpire where can i meet him where did you get this three piece suit why are you wearing purple sunglasses and a headpiece what the fuck is going on he's got one of those like event coordinator microphones on he's like, okay, folks. And his dad, instead of all that, is like, oh, yeah, sure. And so the kid kind of moves out, but without totally telling his parents that he's moved out.

Did you say that he can't put the name Macintosh because of the computer? Yeah. It's clever. Is it? A little bit. Well, Ben, you want to talk about this Macintosh? Yeah. I had the same exact Apple computer because i was an apple kid

is it a it's a it's a macintosh only apple kids will remember what what brand of macintosh what what edition uh i don't remember specifically i'm gonna look it up i mean it's early it's an early 90s macintosh uh yeah early 90s mac yeah it's just it was so nice to see even all the gear, the speakers, the stylus. Is it a Macintosh 2? Yeah. Came out in 90s? I guess that was a 2. No, mine was maybe a little more advanced.

I had a PowerPC. But anyway, love Apple. You had zero games. Yeah, you're right. No, it is a PowerPC. You had zero games you could play on it. Basically, it was just like fucking... What about SimTower?

I had SimTower and I had Steven Spielberg's fucking director's chair. That's it. We've talked about SimTower. That was a great Mac game. Oh, man. SimTower was one of the best. Here's what I would prefer. If this movie was just he gets a new Macintosh and he just plays SimTower for 90 minutes.

I mean, you're just watching over his shoulder. Yeah, that'd be great. I would love that movie. You're like, fill the gym there. No, and now there. And he just puts his money in the bank and earns interest. Yeah.

Instead, he buys a friend who's Rick DeCommon, who's his limo driver. And even then, initially not really his friend, but eventually he realizes he at least wants that guy around. I think he's also good

in this movie. He's okay. It's a weird character. It's a weird character, and I think as written, the character's very annoying. He's movie. He's okay. It's a weird character. It's a weird character and I think as written, the character's very annoying. He's okay. He's okay. It could be worse. I think he's got a genuine heart. That's my praise for him. Could be worse. I think there's a genuine warmth from him. So he gets the limo

drive. Yeah, there's a little warmth. And he's got a crush on Karen Duffy's character. He can't get over this bank teller character. Played by Shane. Now, to his credit, she's beautiful. Karen Duffy, real cute. And she was poppin'. teller character. Played by Shane. Now, to his credit. She's beautiful. Karen Duffy, real cute. And she was popping. She had the heat at that moment.

Yeah, and she's second billed over Miguel. Yeah. This was, when was this in relation to Dumb and Dumber? Because that was her other big. Well, Dumb and Dumber's 96.

No, what am I talking about? It's 94 as well. So it's the same year. This was her year where they were like, she was like the. God, Dumb and Dumber's 94. She was the Colleen Haskell

of her time. She just like pumped out three movies in one year. Yeah. You're looking at the wall. Yes, that was the big deal was that like he got paid I think $500,000 for Ace Ventura

which came out in January right before Dumb and Dumber started filming and by the time Dumb and Dumber started filming knowing they had the mask in the can I think he got like

$8 million for Dumb and Dumber. Ace Ventura, The Mask and Dumb and Dumber all in one year. All three inspired animated series too. And then in 95, Batman Forever and Ace Ventura 2. That's how fast they made Ace Ventura 2. Yeah. And then 96, The Cable Guy, which is like $20 million a picture and his perceived kind of valley, right?

That's how fast that happened yeah with jim carey yeah anyway this is not a jim carey episode no um but he from the first time he goes in the bank and he can't open the account and she's really flirting with him he's got she thinks he's cute because he's trying to deposit an 11 check right to a new bank account right and she's like well you need 200 she's cute she's flirting with him a lot he drives by in a lim. And she's like, well, you need $200. She's cute. She's flirting with him. A lot. He drives by in a limo while she's running. That's what I want to get to. So that's the second time he sees her. Correct. Is... She's listening.

I believe she's listening to a Walkman, possibly. I can't remember. Yes. Right. And he's in the back of this limo, eating ice cream. Out of like a garbage can. He's eating ice cream out of like, I guess it's like an ice cream store container. It's like a v can. Eating ice cream out of like, I guess it's like an ice cream store container. It's like a vat.

Sure. Why would you ever want a container of that much ice cream? You're one person. Yeah. Just get several small containers. I mean, you're actually just being wasteful at that point. There's no way that you can eat it before it melts. And it's like covered with everything.

It looks like vomit because it's like 17 flavors together with whipped cream, with cherries, with syrup. And I guess this is what I'm getting at, which is like, of course, the movie is saying to us kids like, this is what you want. You want the most of everything. You want items that you'll never use. You just want like stuff, stuff, right? Is this what you want, you fuckers?

You want this? And it is now, it is so gross and crazy to watch it. I don't mean to sound like some nervous Nelly. It's just like you're like, this is so fucking empty and lame. And like he has gadgets that you don't even remember. VR system.

One of those TVs that's just like 12 TVs in a grid. Hey, hey, hey. That's fucking cool. That is pretty cool. He's got a batting cage. He's got a batting cage. He's got a Velcro wall. Sure, he's got.

The Velcro wall is the one I remember thinking was the coolest. Yeah, it's cool. He's got boxing gloves that go up to his armpits. Waterslide. He's got a waterslide. He does have a waterslide. A waterslide. Yeah.

Love you, Ben. Love you, Ben. Philly Ben. Philly cheesesteak Ben. It's just how I say it. I know. I know. A water slide. Yeah. Love you, Ben. Love you, Ben. Philly Ben. Philly cheesesteak Ben. It's just how I say it. I can't help it. I know. I know.

It's great. I always feel like Ben's from Philly, even though he is. He's not. But, you know, he's got a little Philly in him. He's a Jersey boy. I know he's a Jersey boy. Yeah. I mean, Philly and Jersey kissing cousins.

Okay. So he gets a lot of stuff. But, yeah, he's talking to Shay. When he's on the ride home after the initial shopping spree. Yeah. And what's the fucking chauffeur's character's name? Oh, the chauffeur is called, Jesus, Henry. Henry.

And Henry's like, so explain to me why he gives you all this money. Right, because he still thinks Mr. McIntosh exists. Right, and that this kid is like Mr. McIntosh's personal assistant. And he's like, Mr. McIntosh, you know, he's very successful, but he never really had a childhood. So he gives me money to act out the childhood that he never got to have. Henry's just like, yeah, it makes sense. Sure. Anyway, who's signing my paychecks?

Oh, it's just cash. Nothing weird about this. And then he sees Karen Duffy and he's like, wait, slow down, slow down. Kid pops out of the moonroof. Right. I would call a sunro, personally, but sure. Well, it's the night. It's true.

True. You got me there. In the moonlight, it is a moonroof. What's your point? And he starts, like, talking to her, being like, hey, remember me? Remember when we said I didn't have enough money? Look at me now. I got a garbage can full of ice cream.

I'm in a limo. And Henry, rather than being like, wait, what the fuck is going on here, is like, oh, man, kid, she's a looker. Yeah, you want to fuck that lady? Like, he starts- Who's twice your age? He starts rooting him on. Not only that, then they, like, make a date.

Yes. Which I guess is nominally supposed to be, like, discussing Mr. McIntosh's business interests. We forgot to mention that she is an undercover FBI agent. Well, of course, then it's, yeah forgot to mention that she is an undercover FBI agent. Well of course then it's yeah we quickly realized she's an undercover FBI agent who is on Michael Lerner's case waiting for Ferrer to show back up. Of course. Yes.

And so she knows that they were looking for him to buy the castle. Because there's a scene where they're in the van and they're like wait someone out bit him on the castle. Right so now they're like who's this Mr. McIntyre And then she's like who do you work for Where do you get all this money

He goes I'm working for a new guy Mr. McIntyre She goes oh I've been hearing a lot about this Mr. McIntyre So she says well I want to meet him He's like okay well let's talk about it And she says it's a date And he's like he sort of sits back down You know he's like a date I've never been on a date

How do I go on a date, limo driver? And limo driver's like, look, if you want to fuck a lady, basically, take her to a salad bar is his first suggestion, which, by the way, what? The limo driver's like, look, here's what you do. You put her feet behind your head, okay? It's a 40 degree angle. I think the movie's joke is, of course, like the limo drivers doesn't know what he's talking about either because he's obviously like a dumb like

nobody who doesn't have any luck with the ladies. Yeah but he's also treating this like it's any relationship. Right that it's totally normal that they would go on a date. Hyper normalization. That's what it is. It's hyper normalization. I was giving you a sort of like a presto. He was giving you a sort of like a... Yeah.

One of these. A presto, yeah. He was giving me one of these. Yep. I feel like a smart way to make this movie would be that she's clearly just a professional, right? Sure. She's just trying to do her job. This kid's a lead to Macintosh. Right, so she's just working the kid.

She gets to the kid who has a crush on her and just... Right. She's suspicious. She's trying to figure itosh. Right, so she's just working the kid. She gets that the kid has a crush on her and just yeah. Right. She's suspicious. She's trying to figure it out. She does. She immediately goes, why would this guy hire a kid to buy toys? Right? And that it never is set up as a romantic thing. He thinks. He keeps

on misinterpreting it as a romantic thing. But instead, they have her play every single scene like she's considering fucking him. Every single scene is her being like, I don't know. I could fuck him. At the end of the movie, they kiss. Which sucks.

Well, this movie sucks. I physically shuddered. Because it's like, she's not kissing him right on the lips, it's just above, but it's still so gross. It's on the mouth, I would say. If not directly on the lips, it's on the mouth. But I feel like there was a negotiation there, like, what if we don't do it right on the mouth?

It's sort of just weird. Yeah, Brian Bonsall's parents, whoever they were, were just like, yeah, sure. They were like signing release forms. Ruin his life. What do I care? There's the moment where they look at each other for a while and slowly lean in. And you're just like, what the fuck? Unless she's about to like wipe a smudge of chocolate off his face.

Don't do that. It's a shit movie. Yeah. And then there's just a lot of, I mean, I guess he buys more stuff, but there's just a lot of Miguel Ferrer trying to find this kid, which is weird because it's like, he bought the castle. Go to the castle. What are you, an idiot?

Sure. I mean, I think he knows Mr. Macintosh, quote unquote, bought, but like, put two and two together, you dumb motherfucker. Just go to the castle. Right. But this reaches apex when they find the little shitty redhead kid. Yeah, and dangle him off the roof asking for Preston's address. Now, a lot of this, because it's like, Bill Pope did his job well in this movie,

and it looks not like a Disney family comedy, right? Big poop, yeah. There's this weird sort of reverse Beverly Hills Cop effect in this movie. Uh-huh. Where like Beverly Hills Cop looks and functions as a traditional 80s cop movie. It is shot like any other cop movie, but you have Eddie Murphy in the middle of it, which is why Beverly Hills Cop is funny.

Only one person is playing a comedy in that movie. And then Bronson Pinchot as well, for that one scene. But that's a whole weird backstory that we'll get to when we do our Martin Brass miniseries, 17 years from now. This movie is like the reverse of that, where it's like here's a wacky disney family comedy and miguel ferrer ferrer is coming in as if he's like straight off

the set sure of like fucking like like red rock west or something right you know uh-huh which is really funny to watch as an adult but i don't know if you have this thing where like you'll like think of half remembered movies from your childhood and be like, I remember that being really upsetting or really scary or really emotional. And then you watch it today and you're like, this is dumb, this is stupid. This has no effect. I just was a child.

You're saying when that kid's getting dangled, you are like, what? Right, I remember Miguel Ferrer being scary in this movie. I always fuck his name up. He is scary. It's Ferrer. And then you watch it. You watch it today and you're like,

no, still scary. I wasn't just a child. Miguel Ferrer also, he's in so many movies. We just lost him. Obviously, he was in Twin Peaks and he's a brilliant guy.

Bro? Robocop, you know, but I also just, apart from all his good shit, he was also just in a lot of shit and often as a scary guy

who yells at you. And so, in my childhood, he's just sort of burned in my memory for that reason. But maybe it's just because he dangled a kid off the roof and blank check. Yeah. Plays the president in Iron Man 3. And it's like he's introduced. No, vice president. Vice president.

Oh, you're right. Yeah. He's the vice president who's conspiring to destroy the president. But he is only introduced like an hour and a half into the movie where it's like he's at a birthday party and they go like, sir, phone call for you. And he goes,

take the shot. Or like whatever he says. It's like, Miguel Ferrer is like who you bring in if that's what you want to do. Pretty much his last big movie. Yeah, and then he was on NCIS.

One of the NCIS's. Well, he was on Crossing Jordan for many years. But I'm saying he was on one of the NCIS's at the time of his death. NCIS LA. Yes.

Okay. So then the movie, yeah, kid spends money, goes on this weird date with Karen Duffy where they go to a fancy restaurant.

I don't care. He's got sunglasses. He gets like crayfish or something. Yeah, he hates it and then he's like, how do you feel about burgers?

And there's a moment where she goes like, I love hamburgers. But like in a gauzy close up. Like he's saving the date. Right. Right. And she's like,

oh, I might still fuck him. And she goes like, so what's so special about this place? And he he's saving the date. Right. Right. And she's like, oh, I might still fuck him. And she goes like, so what's so special about this place? And he's like, I can't tell you yet. And she's like, what? And he's like, okay, fine, let me show you. And then he places her in the middle of this thing and he's like, five, four, three, two, one, water fountains.

And that's like the slow motion montage of the two of them dancing in the water. This is all in the movie. Then the fucking, the bad guys come. Oh, they get dancing in the water this is all in the movie then the fucking the bad guys come oh they get fooled by the water they trip so they're yeah able to make an escape but then there's this weird section where it's like they're in the back of a limo like soaking wet and everything in this scene is coded as like they're about to fuck and let's not forget that then his older brothers again rather than being like hey what's up with this thing where you have a job? Who is Mr. McIntosh?

Where are you all the time? Yeah. Like, why is this woman interested in you? They're just like, oh, yeah, that girl's just after your money. Right. They're like, she's a gold digger. She's a gold digger. I mean, and they are also like, and after Mr. McIntosh's money.

But they're not like, wait, you're going on dates with a 28 year old? When he goes on a, yeah, it's, it's so weird. It'd be one thing if there was like a 14 year old girl who, and they were like, she's a gold digger. Sure. But this whole movie sets it up. I mean, I remember watching this and being like, that was the, like the element like that, that seems so fantastical was like, oh man oh man you're a little kid but you get to go on dates with an adult woman like that seemed cool to me when i was like seven well in like big it's good yeah but that's anyway look let's get to the final set piece in which debbie allen of fame right plays like a party planner he has to throw an

obnoxious party point he has to throw a party because everyone's like, what's up with Mr. Macintosh? Now, here's what annoys me. I'm like, you got the money. Why don't you hire someone to play Mr. Macintosh? Like, that sounds like a good third act thing

that could get out of hand. Guess what? It also costs a lot less. Like, I know fucking like SAG-AFTRA minimum, you know? What the hell? You pay some guy scale to go on the news

and be like, I'm Mr. Macintosh. Right. Instead, he spends $100,000 on a party that Mr. Macintosh isn't going to be at i'm mr mackintosh right instead he spends a hundred thousand dollars on a party that mr mackintosh isn't gonna be it he's not solving anything he doesn't well he's an idiot yeah he's dumb and then in this party we are given an quote-unquote emotional payoff scene like that is obviously like you say like some save the cat bullshit with the dad where he's sitting like with his chair like to the back of his father. It's a big chair, so you can't see him.

And so his father comes in, addresses him as if he is Mr. McIntosh, and is like, Mr. McIntosh, by the way, I love all the business you're doing for our town in the last few days, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm just going to keep on saying other things, I think, without waiting for you to respond and questioning the fact that you're not responding at all. Right.

There'll be no conversation between us, I assume. But I was just going to ask you, he's dressing him like he's a mobster. Like, if my son could just come home early tonight. I miss my son, it's his birthday. The sun's already gone down, it's his birthday. Yeah. But anyway, like, if you could just come home, because I really do like him, and I feel like I'm a shitty dad, and I wish, like. Oh, the speech goes on so much longer than that.

It's so fucking long. Because the other point he brings in is he goes, like, you know, I just get worried sometimes. I appreciate everything you're doing for the family, but I get worried that sometimes he's missing out on having a childhood. You know, I just, I'm hard on pressing because I see myself in him, you know, but it's because I was the same way. I guess I miss my childhood too. I was so busy working. That's my fault. On and on and on.

Well, good talk. Nice speaking to you. Great meeting you. Not going to ask to see your face. Not even going to wait to hear any. And then he leaves and the kid's like, dad, I miss you too or whatever. But he's already gone because this movie is not interested in having this kid face any consequences. Nope.

Which is the most egregious thing about it. After all the egregiousness. At the end of the movie, the FBI bursts in. They're like, who's Mr. McIntosh? And Miguel Ferrer is like, well, I am. Because? Because he thinks, well, then I'll get the house at least. Michael Lerner's thing, once the money is clear, it's like, fuck, the kid's been spending it.

He's like, he's created a great alias for you, Mr. McIntosh. Sure, right. Now you have a new identity. You can just step into Mr. McIntosh. You can adopt this. This guy could run for mayor. They love him in this town. Right.

So now when the FBI is saying- When the FBI comes, he's like, well, I'm Mr. McIntosh. I'm like, great, you're under arrest for massive fraud. Right him in this town. Right. So now when the FBI comes he's like well I'm Mr. McIntosh and I'm like great you're under arrest for massive fraud. Right. You weirdo. Because there's even a point in the movie where it's like Debbie Allen is threatening to sue because he can't pay the bills. Yeah because he can't pay the bills because he's spent grossly. $33 left

in his bank account. And so everything just gets solved. It's like well Miguel Ferrer is going to get stuck with the bill. He gets stuck with the bill. So I guess he's sort of like, and it was his money. So I guess the movie is just kind of like, well, you know, he didn't deserve it anyway. So who cares that it all got spent on nothing? Yeah.

And then he'll just go to jail, which is where he belongs. Right. No one's ever going to ask this kid anything about this weird week. Karen Duffy kisses him. Yes, as we mentioned. So he gets one of two things he wanted most of all. Well, no, and then he gets his room. And then he gets the second.

Yeah, he goes back home, and they're like, we love you, really. And he's like, I love you guys, too. And you're just like, me now. I'm like, he does? Like, what? There's no, the payoff is like the most unearned thing in the world. I want candy. There's a song at the end though.

I couldn't place it. Yeah, I can't remember that either. What do you think of the song? Great. There is that weird thing where like there's a montage of him buying shit and doing shit set to I Want Candy. There's 14 montages, by the way. But this is the specific moment I want to talk about.

There's a montage of him buying shit, doing shit to I Want Candy, right? And it just like cuts out at a certain point and then goes to a scene with like Lerner and Loke and Miguel, right? Talking. And then when it cuts back to him, they just like cut back in media res to the last montage picking up I Want Candy

again. I don't want candy. Deleting my emails. So the movie's called Blank Check it's creepy we named our podcast after it yep definitely if people ask us in the future oh is your podcast about blank check we can now say it was for one episode yep uh we did cover blank check we did that uh we gotta play the box office game happy hundo everybody let's play a box office game. Happy Hundo, everybody. Let's play a box office game. It's our 100th episode. I know. Crazy.

Can I do a merchandise spotlight? Okay. If you go to any bank, you can open up a checking account. Often you need a minimum amount of money. Right. But yes. Yes. And sometimes you're going to need proof of identification.

Right. You're going to have to pass the Karen Duffy test. But once you do that, you get, I swear to God, I've done this. David, I think you've done this. I have. I don't want to speak for you. You get a checkbook full of blank checks. Correct. This is the most widely available merchandise we've ever covered for our movie. You can get a check.

Blank check. A book of blank checks. Number one at the box office. Was blank check. February 11th, 1994. Oh, right before my birthday. Was not blank Check. February 11th, 1994. Ooh, right before my birthday. Was not Blank Check. Blank Check opens number three with $5.4 million. It eventually grosses $30 million.

This is another type of movie they don't make that much anymore, which is a movie that is just for kids. Yes. No four-quadrant appeal. It is. But I should say, I remember when I was a little kid myself. I was eight years old, or I was seven, actually. I saw a trailer for Blank Check in front of some other movie, I'm sure.

And obviously, they would show trailers for kids' movies in front of kids' movies. And I was just like, you know, my reaction was that of a lot of kids of the year, which is like, I am seeing that. That is the movie for me. I've always wanted a Bl blank check for a million dollars. Pretty much. Went to go see it. Sold out.

At the 84th Street Lowe's. It was sold out opening weekend. So instead, so my dad, it was like me, my dad, and like, you know. Joey? No, no, Joey's too little. He was born, but he was small.

He was five, which is how old you were. He was born, but he was small. He was five, which is how old you were. You and Joey are about the same age. My dad was like, well, why don't we see quote, the movie that was number one

at the box office that weekend, which was in its second week of release. Interesting. So it was also a family film? No. It's a comedy.

We've discussed it on this very episode. We've discussed it on this very episode. We've discussed it on this very episode. Yes. Richie Rich? Nope. Does it feature one of the actors from Blank Check? Yes.

It does. Ace Ventura? Ace Ventura, Pet Detective. Which in its second week has grossed $25 million. Wow. Yeah. Huge hit. Yeah. Made about $25 million. Wow. Yeah. Huge hit. Yeah.

Made about $75 million. And that's in 94. And I remember I had seen the trailer for Ace Ventura. Yeah. And I was not sure how I was going to feel about it because it had a shark in it. Sure. Because the shark bit was like a bit in the trailer. And I was like, hmm, sharks are scary.

I don't know if I can deal with this movie. But it was the old days. It was just we were in the lobby. It was like, all right, well, we're seeing scary. I don't know if I can deal with this movie, but it was the old days. We were in the lobby. It was like, alright, well, we're seeing something, so this is what we're seeing. And it was a transformatively funny experience for me. I lost my goddamn mind. Similar for me, my

big comedy transformative thing was my father taking me to International Man of Mystery, the prequel to Spy Who Shagged Me. Uh-huh. When that came out. 97? Yes.

And my father had to drag me kicking and screaming to go see that movie. I didn't want to see it because it sounded scary because of the fact that he was frozen. That's what you found scary? Someone gets their head bitten off in that movie. I didn't know that. By a shark.

I didn't know that. And by the time we got to that point, I was so fully on board with the movie. I found the concept of cryogenic freezing terrifying. It is a little alarming. Very. Yeah. It took me like 20, first 20 minutes of the movie, I was white knuckling.

I was like, when's he going to wake up again? What if it goes wrong? But anyway, then I did eventually see blank check later, like maybe next week. So that's number three at the box office. Number one's Ventura. What's number two? Number two is not a movie I'm that familiar with. It is a Roger Donaldson picture starring two actors who then got married.

It's an action thriller, rated R for sure. Demi Moore and Bruce Willis? No. The Getaway? The Getaway with? Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger. The other 90s couple of marquee idols. See, I couldn't even think of what the Demi Moore

Bruce Willis movie was if they even did a movie together. I just knew it had to be one of those couples. I don't think they did, actually. I don't think they did. Of course it's The Getaway. Of course it's The Getaway.

The Getaway. Okay. Which is a small hit, I guess. Not really anything. Yeah. Okay, number four? Number four is a sequel to a kid's movie.

And by the way, Getaway, Blank Check, and this movie are all new to the box office. This one is a holder? No, no, this is a new one. This is a new release? It's a sequel? The releases this week were The Getaway, Blank Check, and this movie. So it's a sequel that's not doing well. Not doing well. I don't know why they opened the sequel to a kid's movie at the same time as Blank Check, same weekend.

But presumably the first one was big enough that they thought. First one was a big hit. And this one, steep drop off? And let me, so this one's coming out in 1994. The first one came out in 1991. Okay. 102 Dalmatians. No, but good guess.

Live action or animated? Live action. Does it star a child? Is the child the main character? Yes. 102 Dalmatians no but good guess live action or animated live action does it star a child is the child the main character yes but by now I think she's more coming into teenager territory

My Girl 2 My Girl 2 starring Anna Klumski yeah which I have not seen I've seen My Girl but not My Girl 2 I haven't either

well it just feels like that story kind of finished itself right yeah feels like they closed the loop on My Girl yeah once Macaul that story kind of finished itself, right? Yeah. It feels like they closed the loop in My Girl. Yeah, once Macaulay dies from that bee sting.

Yeah. Spoiler alert for My Girl. Jesus Christ. Who's the cutie in My Girl 2, though? Because there's a cutie. Yeah, someone, Eric Von Detten or something, I'm sure. Austin O'Brien? Okay, sure.

Anyway, My Girl 2, not a huge hit. And then after that, Klumsky takes a break for a decade plus. Klumski takes a break sounds like a good name for a children's book. It does sound like a good name for a children's book. About nap time. I just want to shout out Anna Klumski, who now is fucking fantastic. She's a great actor.

She's just come back and is great. She was one of my favorites at the time. When we were kids in the 90s, and only 90s kids will remember this, but when we were kids in the 90s and it was sort of like the heyday of the child actor, that was like the golden age of the child actor. She was one of the ones I was always most excited to see on screen. Absolutely. I'd be excited if I was seeing a Klumsky picture.

Number five at the box office is the winner for Best Picture at the Oscars the previous year. I mean, it hasn't won yet, but it's going to win Best Picture in a month. Right. So it was a 1993 release. Yes. It is in its ninth week of release. It just jumped up a little bit, added some theaters, made a little more money than last weekend. It went from six to five in the charts.

It's a serious picture. Braveheart? No, it's 95. What did it end up at? 95, 96, somewhere around there. It's not Unforgiven. That's earlier. That's 91.

Or maybe 92. 94. 92, 92. Oh, 94. Jeez Louise. Does it win other Oscars? Yeah. It wins a lot of Oscars. What are you talking about? Sweets. It's win other Oscars? Yeah. It wins a lot of Oscars.

What are you talking about? Sweeps. It's not Silence of the Lambs. No, it's 91. Right. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I'm remembering everything else. It wins a lot.

It wins Best Director. It's not Forrest Gump. That comes out the following year. Forrest Gump's 94. Right. Fuck. This year. Fuck.

It's funny that you're not remembering what this is. I'm remembering every other Best Picture winner from the first half of the 90s. Yeah. Have we discussed it a lot? No, we've discussed the filmmaker. It's Schindler's List? Correct. Oh, okay.

Come on, guys. Yeah, that's embarrassing. Big Schindler's List. It is embarrassing. It's weird. Yeah, it's really embarrassing. So that's hanging around. Okay.

Some other movies. You've got Mrs. Doubtfire in its 12th week of release. It's made almost $200 million. I think it ended up as the fifth highest grossing film of all time. Big one. Right? You got a little movie called Philadelphia, which is going to win Best Actor at the Oscars in a couple weeks. Except they gave it to the wrong actor.

They did. You've got My Father the Hero with Katherine Heigl and Gerard Depardieu. That's a movie they should make a sequel to. My Father the- Still the Hero. Yes. You got Grumpy Old Men, which they did make a sequel to, called Grumpier Old Men. Hyper Grumpy, which is, is that just a movie about old men that want to fuck?

Yeah, they want to fuck Sophia Loren, or is that number two? That's number two. I think the first one they want to fuck Ann-Margret. I think Sophia Loren's on entry. Yes, it's Ann-Margret. I think they heighten with Sophia Loren, the second one. And Burgess Meredith is like their- And Ann-Margret is pretty hot to begin with.

Yeah. Burgess Meredith is like their booger in that movie, right? Isn't Burgess Meredith like the horn dog? You gotta fuck women. Well, yeah, famous stick man, Burgess Meredith like the horn dog? You gotta fuck women. Well, yeah, famous stick man, Burgess Meredith. Famous stick man. I'm glad you know that. I think that's one of the funniest things in the world. Do you know that my mom used to be close friends with Burgess Meredith?

That's crazy. Yeah, isn't that weird? Growing up, there was a painting, like a beautiful landscape painting we had in our living room. And I remember when my dad rented rocky for us for the first time my mom was like you see that guy who's playing mick and i was like yeah and she was like that guy made that painting and i was like you bought a painting

for the guy play mick and she was like no we were really good friends at the time he gave he gave me that he made that painting for me and then i did the math and it was like wait so my mom was friends with like 75 year old Burgess Meredith while my mom was like 21 I'm not saying anything I'm not either grumpier old man has Ann-Margret

and adds Sophia Lorenz so my guess is that Ann-Margret ends up with one of the grumpier old men one of them the other one needs a love interest still yelling

still fighting and my mom apparently wasn't available still yelling still fighting still ready for love. That's the tagline for Grumpy or Old. From the director of Daredevil. Mark Steven Johnson. Or, I'm sorry, he wrote the two Grumpy movies and then directed Daredevil.

And Simon Berg. I believe you're right. And Ghost Rider. It's a weird career. Yeah, he's an awful person. Yeah, he's a shit-tor. You got In the Name of the Father. You got The Piano. The Pelican Brief. A lot of, like, the hits of 93. Oscar holdovers. Yeah, he's a shit-tor. You got In the Name of the Father. You got The Piano.

The Pelican Brief. A lot of, like, the hits of 93. Oscar holdovers. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, cool. Great episode. Great episode.

Probably best episode we've ever done. I hope you guys are happy to be listening to us for 100 times now. Oh, boy. David, whoever thought we'd make it this far? Nobody. I mean, seriously. I'm so surprised. You know what? I'm going to do this.

I'm going to get emotional here for a second. Okay? Yeah. I tweeted Watto though. You did. You started running Star Wars bits at me on Twitter. Sure. You said we should start a podcast. And I was missing you. Let's be clear because we were no longer doing trivia and I was a griffin-sized hole

in my life. And that was the linchpin of our friendship. We had a structure. Right. Well, yeah, because you're tough to pin down sometimes. I'm tough to pin down sometimes. You're busy, and I'm just a mess. You're busy, too, though. Sometimes.

At that time, I was not. Okay, fair. Well, right, because you could do a podcast. Right. Yeah. For free. Yeah. At that time, I was really busy still being fired from a sitcom.

Yeah, you were the tail end of being fired from a sitcom at that point, I think. Well, trivia was notably- No, you were in vinyl. Right? Or you were going to be. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, you didn't have a lot to do. Yeah, but I don't know if you remember this.

You didn't have a lot to do in vinyl. Oh, no, I guess not, yeah. Maybe it had less collective lines than episodes I was in. If you want to do that, Matt. You're in that DVD box set, though. Like, four times! Did I tell you I bought the DVD box set and on the inside, like the Blu-ray

case, it's like a translucent case. So on the inside, there's inside artwork. And I'm in the inside artwork twice as well great i'm like featured four times on the box art for vinyl yep um hello uh you were getting soft but i never made a log team what i was gonna say is uh we we had this message chain we were like what would our podcast be? Star Wars this and that. Where would we do it? And I said, let me reach out to Ben Hosley. Excuse me, that's not true.

You're getting it wrong. You said, this is a good idea, but I don't want to do it myself. We would need to find someone who would help us produce and host. I said, I'll reach out to the UCB. You did mention Ben Hosley's name,, of course, you had worked with him.

I had done the TCGS podcast, which you had guest hosted. I bet I could find the email. A number of times. Uh-huh. Ben had moved over to the UCB. And so you mentioned him. And I'd been talking about a little bit. No, you know what?

You didn't mention him. It was Murph Meyer who told me about him who like reminded me he had like texted me saying like hey ucb's interested in podcasts if you like if you want it i think i mentioned him but i think i mentioned him in this capacity i gotta find the point i'm gonna make okay i think the capacity i mentioned him in was he's at ucb now there's no way he'll go for this like i was like at his old job yeah that he might have been able to sell now he's working for the man they won't want this dumb idea

of us talking about Star Wars hey Ben hey guys I remember this all very fondly and I sent Ben a very long email pitch

and I said I know this sounds like a dumb idea but I really think we can make this work no you're way off I'm fine you sent it to me

and Todd the former artistic director I definitely wrote that pitch David let me Todd, the former artistic director. I definitely wrote that pitch, David. I'm trying to find it. I definitely wrote that pitch. You may well have. Because I write so few emails that I remember when I actually take the time to write one. I'm so good at not

writing emails, but the ones I do write stick out in my mind. I guarantee you I wrote that. I'm just finding it. Well, alright, I'll jump in and say, because you guys don't even know this, Todd came to me and he was like, did you see this email from Griffin? Yeah. I'm like, yeah, yeah.

I don't know if this is a sustainable idea, because the pitch was they just wanted to do a Phantom podcast. Our pitch was every episode focus on one character. Here's the weird thing. We're both right. You wrote a pitch, but I emailed it for some reason. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Here, I'll read the email aloud.

Hey, Ben and Todd, my pal Murph Mayer, Mayer? I always forget how you say it. Murph Mayer. Murph Mayer, gave me your emails because me and my friend Griffin Newman are looking to start up a somewhat unusual podcast, and I thought you guys might be interested over at UCB. And then I'm like- Yeah, I definitely wrote this.

Those reeks of Griffin. I wrote this part. I work at the Atlantic and Griffin's a comedian, UCB regular. Let me throw you our pitch. And then suddenly the font gets smaller so I've obviously copy pasted something. And this is the Griffin stuff.

I'm not going to read it all. Read a little bit of it. We want to do a podcast entirely and exclusively about Star Wars Episode I The Phantom Menace. We started talking about this film recently and exclusively about Star Wars Episode I, The Phantom Menace. We started talking about this film recently and started realizing how weird that fucking thing is,

especially when you start examining on a macro level. You know, yak, yak, yak, a lot about, you know, the pitch that everybody knows. Right. Our first,

we're not going to do bullshit like an R2-D2 episode. We want to hang our hats on having an episode focused on a specific character as a starting point. Because that was our old idea was every episode would be about one character episode seven gragra we'll only talk about graga exactly our ideal first episode subject is capital letters wado the anti-semitic

slave owner alien a cursory glance at his wikipedia entry shows that there's more than enough to dig into there ben how did you say yes to this pitch? This is the dumbest shit I've ever read. It's really dumb. We go and meet up with Ben at a bar and Ben's like, look, I don't know if this is sustainable, but I'm gonna take a flyer on you guys. I'm gonna trust knowing the two of you that you can make something out of this. But you came out with

a lot of really fucking smart ideas from the beginning. You said make it a mystery. Don't do it the episode focus thing. You're trying to solve something. You very wisely quashed the one episode per character thing. Yeah. And you also wisely were like, this should be 10 episodes. As a miniseries. Rather than just you forever trying to scrape more out of Phantom Menace.

And then you were like, you should come up with a name that isn't specific to Star Wars because if this goes well, you should be able to do more podcasts about other stuff. And we were like, no, don't worry. We're going to do Phantom Menace forever. Yeah, yeah. No, I remember all this. Yeah, right, right. We were just like, no, no, no, no.

Phantom Menace. Ben, you don't understand, though. And I'm like, I do, guys. This well is never going dry, Benny. Oh, my God. Well, thankfully you listened to me. Everything that worked well in the beginning was thanks to Ben. Everything that didn't work was because we didn't listen to Ben.

I remember we recorded the first episode and it went like okay it's the one where we just talk about the beginning of Phantom Menace I think the last there's one good joke in the last 10 minutes right and we kind of walked out of there being like alright but like we certainly were not discouraged like we were like okay you know and then the second episode about the royalty and Naboo

I remember Ben being like that was good guys but like surprise he was like that was good yeah that was when he was like, you guys have it here. You have whatever comic rhythm you need or whatever. You got something. We were the opposite of Mac, Apple. Apple II, famous sophomore slump. No, Apple II was not a sophomore slump.

That was a huge hit. Whatever their second product was, was a slump. Okay. The Macintosh was actually kind of a bomb when it first came whatever i'm the my stylist writer thing yes the newton i don't know something fucking we we started cruising and uh you know i mean uh a lot of thanks to ben ben's the best i mean without ben just thinking like good idea or whatever, what did you think, Ben?

You were finishing your story. Yeah, well, I mean, the conversation I had with Todd is I said, like, I've worked with Griffin before. I know David as well. Sure, because I've been on the pod a few times. I know his reputation. He's on the podcast. Great reputation.

And I'm like, this is a weird idea, but I think on a macro level, these guys just want to do a movie podcast, and I think that they would be the kind of people that would actually make the commitment to come in and do the records and give a shit so i just really sold it on your reputations and he was like yeah fuck it let's do it see and ben this is why you're you're smart because on a macro level we did not want to just do a movie podcast we were very adamant about only wanting to talk about it we were stubbornly committed to only talking i think quickly we were like oh wouldn't it be good if we then we did attack of the clones that movie's weird too like you know we we did

figure out eventually we figured it out and then the podcast morphed into what it is today and that's the other the other persons that we need to thank are Blankies. Those Blankies. You folks have stuck with us. Whether you're joining in now, whether you're there from the beginning, the beginning of Blank Check, or the rebranding, or whatever it is, it means a lot that you folks listen and you care.

I feel like both of us are bad at responding to stuff, but we read everything that people write to us. It means a lot. We have moments where we're just like people really like track these bits. It is crazy sometimes. Especially when we're recording these so far in advance. Right. When like

two months later we'll get a thousand tweets about some joke we don't even remember making. I love it when that happens. It's great. So thank you to the entire community for sticking with us for a hundred episodes and a hundred more to come. 500 more.

500 at least. Yeah. I'm looking at our Reddit right now. Yeah. Anything good? Lots of good. Okay, so I think this is the end of the episode, right? Yeah.

Cool. Thank you all for listening. Please remember to rate. What's next week, Ben? Oh, shit. Yeah, because this is coming midstream in Spielberg hold on here

I got it last week was catch me if you can okay and then next week is the terminal oh another great episode good ep

bad movie good ep okay so now we can promise this we can after previously promising he'd be on the show not again

next week the terminal with Jerome Milligan great and he was a great guest It was a great episode, it was worth the wait Good guest, bad term, mid-nol Sure Stay away from me, I'm sick

Thank you all for listening Please remember to subscribe, go to the reddit 100 times 100 times over And as always From the bottom of my heart, thank you Love you guys Love you too, Benny over. And as always, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Love you guys. Love you too, Benny.

Next week is going to be AI. Oh, wow. Oh, good app. And we can, let's announce this. David Reese. David Reese. Holy shit, that's a good app. How to sharpen a pencil, going deep with David Reese, get your war on. Fucking legend. Holy shit, that's a good episode. How to Sharpen a Pencil, Going Deep with David Reese, Get Your War On. Fucking legend.

Election Profiteers, Profit Makers. Election Profit Makers, one of the best goddamn podcasts that you would never want to listen to again because you'd never want to re-listen to 2016's election. But a thrilling episode, a thrilling guest. One of my favorites of the miniseries.

Love David. Great episode. An academic one. We go hard on that. Oh yeah, it's a thinky episode. It's a thinky episode. I actually, I wasn't able. An academic one. We go hard on that. Oh, yeah. It's a thinky episode. It's a thinky episode. I actually, I wasn't able to make that one. Oh, that is true.

I sent someone in my place. Yeah, but hey, no spoilers. I smell a bit. You guys should listen to the Election Profit Makers mixtape, though, if you ever want to listen to some fucking fire tunes. Yes. David Reeves. Okay. Okay. So tune in for that next week.

Ben what was last week? Oh fuck. I already fucked it up too. Last week was Same Pipe Ryan right? Yeah. I got the annual check awards confused with this one. He's an idiot. Yeah. So we already did that. So you listened to that months ago? Cut that out.

Fuck, I'm sorry guys. So wait, what's next? This has been a UCB Comedy Production. Check out our other shows on the UCB Comedy Podcast Network. We'll see you next time. Bye.

Bye. Bye.