Blank Check with Griffin & David - I'll Do Anything with Esther Zuckerman

Episode Date: April 8, 2018

Writer and friend of the show Esther Zuckerman joins Griffin and David to discuss 1994’s I'll Do Anything. But was this film originally developed and shot as a musical only to be reedited into a mostly non-musical? Were prolific musicians Prince, Sinéad O'Connor and Carole King brought on to write the songs for this movie? Did Nick Nolte really win People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive in 1992? Together they examine the inside baseball dealings of Hollywood, the bad 90’s fashion, honest curses and comedic frontal nudity. This episode is sponsored by Dollar Shave Club (dollarshaveclub.com/check), Beach Body On Demand (Text CHECK to 303030) and Light Stream (lightstream.com/blank)

you are the cast you can pod anything You can pod everything you want to be. You are a smile. You are a rainbow. You were created so perfectly. Sometimes we laugh. Sometimes we cry. Sometimes we hurt inside and don't know why. We're only human. We make

mistakes. Sometimes it feels like only other people get the breaks. Yes, correct. Hey! We can pot everything. Luckily, everyone knows what you're doing right now. You're the cast.

Hi, everybody. My name's now. You're the cast. Uh-huh. Hi, everybody. My name's Griffin. I'm David Sims. This is Blank Check with Griffin and David. We're hashtagging the two friends. It's a competitive advantage. We get along very well.

We do. I mean, most of the time. Yeah. I thought David was going to physically attack me for doing that. I thought you were just going to do something worse, and then that was funny. I just think that song is funny. We were already talking about that song. The song is ridiculous. And I did hand gestures and it was kind of cute.

It was like a little cute. It's about as cute as it was in the movie. Exactly. So the cutest thing ever? You are the cast. You can part everything. I also messed up the first lyric. It's everything I said anything. Anyway, this is a podcast about filmographies.

Yes. Directors who have massive success early on in their career. Sometimes humongous, unprecedented, Oscar-winning success. Yes. Sometimes- Their first movie. You make a cancer drama that plays like Avengers. Yep. That is the biggest box office hit of the year.

Yep. Was it number one of that year? I think so. I feel like it was number two. I feel like it was number two behind something really obvious. You're right. Number two. Behind?

Return of the Jedi. Yep. There we go. Right. But apart from that. Yeah. Right. Huge.

Look, that's, that's, there you go. It's a big one. It was only second to Star Wars. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. To the last Star Wars movie. Right, that's like if Lady Bird was the number two movie behind Last Jedi. Yeah.

Sometimes those checks clear and sometimes they bounce. I don't remember if I said the middle thing. Mass Successor learned the correct issue. Who knows? Sometimes they clear, sometimes they bounce, baby. This is a miniseries on the films of who knows sometimes they're clear sometimes they bounce baby this is a mini series on the films of James L. Brooks

yes and it's called as pod as a cast podcast news it's called podcast news wait what is the one you said as pod as a cast podcast news

is better yes I love how every single guest has agreed with me perfect record do you know what I'll say in response to that?

You are the cast. You can pod everything. That's what we should have called it, the podcast. You are the cast. You can pod everything. We should have made sure you could only sing the title. And they wouldn't even know exactly what you were talking about. This is his most famous movie. Of course we are talking about

James L. Brooks, good old Canyon Jim, his third talk talkie and it is entitled i'll do anything i'll do anything he's made terms of endearment 1983 boom he made broadcast news 1987 one of my 10 favorite movies of all right then seven years go by and it's he's working on a musical oh my god i'll do anything starring people's sexiest man alive nick nolte because he is yeah was and and it was right around the time of this right no i think he's sexy i think he's sexiest man alive uh the year he was in the prince of tides i'm gonna double check this right now 1992 you know it's a crazy thing it's like the oscar season

yeah and this is 94 yes you know what's a crazy thing about Nick Nolte he actually aged really well until he did like he's like 51 in this movie he's 50 he's older

he's 53 I mean I look at him and all I can see is the mugshot 100% well and also you forget that he's always had the voice

obviously it's gotten more gravelly right but even in this one, he's like, Oh, God, what are you doing? And he looks like an Easter Island head. He looks intense. He sounds like an innkeep in an 1890s Western.

Yeah, right. He just... You're a father, Brendan. He feels so out of place in this movie to me. It's very strange casting. It's really weird. But don't you think... I mean, maybe I'm biased because I know how much time caught up with him very quickly. Like, considering that there is eight years between this and the mugshot.

Right. That's crazy. It looks like 25 years. Yeah, that feels like a short amount of time. It's only eight years? This is 1994 and the mugshot is 2002. I guess I also come from a weird place

in that like my first conception of Nick Nolte was really the mugshot. Like I didn't really know of like he wasn't on my radar really before that.

You also come from a weird place because Nick Nolte was your father who you didn't grow up with. He hadn't seen you in two years and then suddenly

you had to go live with him. I mean I got the curly hair. How did you know that his mugshot was 2002? Like, how is that lodged in your memory? Because

it was Hulk related? Yeah, it was taken during Hulk. That's why he has that look and then Hulk comes out 2003. Right, right. The sort of stringy hair look.

Because then when, when Hulk came out, everyone was like, oh, so he's just like committing to that look now and it was like, no,

that's why he looked that bad because he plays a homeless lunatic in the Hulk. out, everyone was like, oh, so he's just committing to that look now? And it was like, no, that's why he looked that bad. Because he plays a homeless lunatic in the Hulk. Yeah, right. He's so good in the Hulk. He's really interesting in the Hulk. Best supporting actor, 2003. How did you feel about him? I'm your father, Hulk!

My go-to Nick Nolte... He doesn't say Hulk, does he? My go-to Nick Nolte doesn't say hulk does he my go-to my go-to nick nolte is nick nolte and warrior sure where he yells i'm your father brendan and i do that with my brother all the time my brother james against and then i like to apply it to other movies yeah i'm your father hulk i made you green you. I like you when you're angry. I do. You're good at it.

I would never attempt a Nick Nolte now. All right, so just dial that down by 10%, and that's Nick Nolte in this movie. I'll do anything for the part. Right, I thought he'd be like 50% less crazy, but he's not. No, he's crazy. He's gravel-voiced.

We should mention our guest has done an incredible job. Oh, talking so much. Talking so much. Before she's introduced. Nailing it. Writer all around town. You know her best from her appearance on the Aloha episode. Ladies and gentlemen, Esther Zuckerman is here in the studio.

Hey, Esther. Hi, how is everyone doing? I'm freelance presently. Hey, now. Hey now! All over the place. All over the place. Has written for? Has written for VanityFair.com, Reclair.com.

Atlantic Wire? Atlantic Wire. Well, that was how I met David. Yeah, that's right. We talked about our lynches every day. Oh, it's coming soon on CBS, how I met David. I hated him yeah

have we talked about this on the pod I don't know if we talked about this on the pod Esther really resented me Esther Zuckerman is a guest today you of course know her most famously

from the Aloha episode which was about the sky the sky tell this this anti-meet cute I was just annoyed at David

because I'd been there for a really long time and then David comes marching in. I marched in already. He really marched in. Little drummer boy. He came in wearing a drum. He marched in. He left early to go to trivia. That's true.

That really pissed me off. Esther did not like me. I didn't like that. You had also gotten the job largely through trivia. A little bit. Trivia was very important yeah and then we became friends yeah yeah we bonded we bonded i can't remember when did we bond there were certain various things that we should probably talk about off mic about that that bonded us oh yeah hey now um but yeah no we we was it my sad day uh that was one of them that was definitely one of

them where i was like esther what's up i had a really sad day there was a sad day one time but that's not just it there were a few things i think you just realized i wasn't uh so bad yeah yeah i'm not so bad david's pretty good we really bonded over lunch though lunch was huge debating what lunches we would get yeah discussing the lunches once we had them. Sometimes they were disappointing. Are you a big sandwich person as well? I'm a medium sandwich person. She's a medium sandwich person. I'm a huge sandwich person.

David's a huge sandwich person. I just like, I'm very into variety when it comes to lunch. which is my problem too. I struggle with just doing the same thing over and over again. so.

I remember how, when we met, which was, I was David's plus one to Mad Max Fury Road yes and I showed up and I had hives

yeah you were disgusting I honestly don't remember you looked like a war boy and that's not a thing that happens to me I have an awful body that does a bunch of

it pulls a lot of fast ones on me right but that was a new that was a new curveball it's from the regular repertoire and that was like off the main set list

so I showed up like so amped to see what would then become my favorite movie of the year oh and that was like off the main set list so i showed up like so amped to see what would then become my favorite movie of the year it was a great screening too i remember yeah covered in hives and was freaking out i don't remember the hives but i do remember you guys talking about like what the podcast morphed into that is the famous screening where we came up with the blank check yeah i remember you came in with that. Right, right. Yes, yes. Wow, that's a good point. So I came in with hives. Hives, but you were like,

you know what? Great idea. Because we were still in Star Wars and you were like, you know what I feel like this podcast is about is about blank check movies. Yeah, I remember that.

Because that was a phrase we would say a lot of the time. I hadn't been listening at that point because honestly, I didn't listen to podcasts before. I wasn't listening to any podcasts. Well, Serial hadn't come out at that point, right honestly, I didn't listen to podcasts before. I wasn't listening to any podcasts.

Well, Serial hadn't come out at that point, right? No, no, it had. It was Serial. I didn't listen to Serial. Our podcast was a sequel to Serial, as we all know. Oh, right, of course, because Serial's the first podcast. Yeah. Season two.

This is all about Bo Bergdahl. I still think we should do a Blank Check miniseries on Serial Season 2. Sure, I like Serial Season 2. Listen to every ep and people are like, Boo! Mark Bull. More like Mark Boo. Bo Birdall.

More like Boo Birdbull. As I sat down here this morning, Ben told me we have to talk about how many podcasts we're recording. And he just gave me a look because of a burnout yeah he's he's burned out yeah yeah i just got a lot going on today in the studio and um and he's really happy about it i'm no i am happy i love i love recording ben's not looking great producer ben has lost Well, yeah, I stayed up till like four in the morning watching this movie. Watching this movie.

I would have just told you not to. I know. Anytime you're on the fence, just text us and we'll be like, you can skip. I'll do anything. It's okay, Ben. I did the exact same thing. I didn't finish this movie until 4 a.m. You guys are idiots.

We recorded yesterday. Yeah. It was a weekend day. We recorded in the morning on a weekend. I went right home and I went to Amazon and I rented I'll do anything. The Haas and I are idiots. And I watched it. Mr. Haas is an I.R. idiot.

I watched it Friday. And retired. The fart detective and I are tired. Yeah. The meat lover and I are white out. Dirt bike Benny and I. We're fucking at our wits end remember how there's a time crunch on this episode

Kylo Ben, Priest Ben Kenobi, Ben I. Chamlon Ben Sates, Say Benny Think Dot Dot Dot A.L. Ben's with a dollar sign, Warhaz, Purdue or Bane, Ben 19 the Fennel Maker and Robohaz Robohaz dead or alive you are podcasting with him that's new information to me yes well we're

we're far in the future Esther I know that's so weird so if you have anything you want to go on the record with you want to see Nick Nolte make some predictions oh yeah if you want to talk about what's going to be happening

in late April what do you think I'll be 32 when this movie comes out oh it'll be after your birthday after my birthday David Alton has a really fun birthday party

aww I like I appreciate hearing that. I got very drunk last year. Sometimes I like to speak to myself in the future. Like, Ben, hold it together. You're doing okay. Yeah, I feel like I might be in LA in April. Really?

Moving or just there for a little bit? No, no, no. Not moving. Just there for a vacation. Okay. Sure. All right, Esther. In the future, wear sunscreen.

Don't get burned. Check out Nick Nolte's Wikipedia profile picture, guys. It's him? He must have paid to have that done. Because most people's Wikipedia profile pictures are ugly. I mean, there's some Creative Commons picture that's completely insane. This is good. I went down the rabbit hole of figuring out Nick Nolte's age at different moments in time.

Do you know how old he is in that picture? That's 1976. I'm going to guess he's about 35. Yeah. But that guy could pass for 25. Yeah, I guess so. He's got a big face. He always has.

He's got a face like a cinder block. He's got the Joel Egerton thing where they both have craggle faces, which means they simultaneously, even when they were young, they look old because their faces have old features. But he looks pretty virile there. Yeah. I Uh, yeah. No, I mean, yeah. Virile is a way to put it.

I made a joke about Nick Nolte being your father, but this movie is autobiographical for you. You, of course, grew up in Hollywood. Yes, I grew up. That's true, right? Oh God, I can't believe this is the bit. You grew up in LA. I grew up in LA and I screamed all the time. Did you? Were you a bratty little child raised by Tracey Ullman?

I actually wasn't a screamer. No. I was a crier. Were you the best? Okay, okay. Could you do everything? Could you do everything? Yeah, I could.

You are an only child. No, I did sometimes perform. Sure, sure. Right, right, right. I mean, naturally. Did you ever have aspirations of being like a stage kid, a child actor? You know, like yes and no. I think a part of me sort of wanted to, but also I think like I was moved.

My parents were like, don't do that. Like they were like subliminal messaging me like don't become an actress. But, you know, I didn't. So they moved you to the really stable job of media, like journalism. Exactly. Entertainment journalism. But I did do some hammy like of journalism. Exactly. Entertainment journalism. But I did do some hammy shit. Yeah.

Yeah. You bathe in that river? Yeah. River ham. River ham. I got it. Ugh. Okay.

Best reaction to that one. Yeah. What else? This is like the worst thing I ever did. I mean mean it was sort of great when i was a kid but like in retrospect i would have if i were another kid i would have punched me there was like a school like it wasn't like a talent show it was like a concert i was in the choir but i did a duet with one of my teachers who was my like best friend to me in my shadow. Wow. What did they teach?

How old were you? She was like a homeroom teacher. It was like seven. Wow. We got like little sparkly vests and like top hats and canes and did the whole thing. And this is my, yeah, she was like my best friend. We played, we used to like during recess play like Name That Tune where like we would sing show tunes back and forth to whole thing. And this is my, yeah, she was like my best friend. We played, we used to like during recess play like Name That Tune where like we would sing show tunes back and forth to one another.

Esther, you are a parody of a kid who grew up in L.A. sometimes. I know. I don't know if I've told this on the podcast before, but I used to ask my friends' parents if I could perform at their birthday parties, the kids' birthday parties. And they often let me. Sure. What did you perform?

Did you charge? Did I charge? No, I did not charge. It was pro bono. I mean, you were just, you were getting the experience. That's work. I had to build that resume. A lot of magic.

Oh, interesting. I was very into magic as a child. Yeah. One of the reasons I love the Babadook, because it's this kid who keeps on practicing magic and driving his mom insane. The Babadook. The Babadook. The Babadook. Yeah. One of the reasons I love the Babadook because it's this kid who keeps on practicing magic and driving his mom insane. The Babadook. The Babadook.

The Babadook. Yeah. Magic, but then sometimes I write plays and make other kids put a mom with me. I did puppet shows.

I once tried to We were great kids. I once tried to make my make one of my friends perform like we were having a play date and I once tried to my friends perform. Like, we were having a play date, and I once tried to, like, make her perform

a production of Peter Pan the musical. And I was, like, in my house, and I was, like, Like, from memory. Yeah, I was, like, we have to do this. And she obviously, like, had not been, like, listening to the sound, the Kathy Rigby soundtrack for, like, ages. Yeah.

Yeah, I made her do that. Wow. Ben, what did you do when you were a kid? You kid you like put firecrackers in mailboxes yeah i was like a nightmare uh just a miscreant running around new jersey shoplifting and what have you so you were more of an ignolte type yeah i would get like a map and then i would get a piece of paper and i would draw a subway system for the map i got that's the shit i did fucking okay at least we were entertaining i wouldn't know but i was all internal it was all happening in my head i have a great story and i'll be keep it brief we were stealing lawn ornaments okay right because that's the thing kids do yeah and so we stole from this particular like neighbor

of my friends who was always stealing our balls and frisbees and stuff he wouldn't give it back he was like that guy yeah we were like we're gonna get some payback so we stole this like i don't know heavy kind of expensive i guess we thought expensive looking lawn gnome okay then we took pictures with the disposable camera at different locations and mailed it to him basically being like we've got your we've got your your lawn gnome do you want it back like almost like a ransom you are the kid from american vandal like that's just the prank from american that's amazing wait a second what i heard that sherlock Gnomes was looking for a thief from New Jersey. Well, it was me.

Your number one suspect. I think Sherlock Gnomes will have come out by now. It will be the number one film of the year. Okay, so that's our childhood. None of us were raised by Tracy Ullman or Nick Nolte. Neither. But yet here we are talking

about this film. Just trying to pivot us vaguely towards this movie. I did a bad job alley-ooping it. Or taking your alley-oop and taking it to the hoop and dunking it into the basket and it's up and it's out of here. Okay. This is his blank checkiest movie.

Well, until how do you know? Just in terms of money spent. The biggest check. But I think this in terms of what they let him do. In terms of ambition, yes. And it also is, like, he avoided the sophomore slump. He made a follow-up. He made broadcast news, right.

That I think has aged into a better film than Terms of Endearment. Right, but even forgetting that, it was still a hit. It's still got Oscar nominations. Totally worked. It was a good follow-up. It's the best. Right, and in between the two, he launches The Simpsons. Helps create The Simpsons.

Right, he does The Tracy Ullman Show on Fox, which has The Simpsons as one of two animated segments. Imagine how it feels to be the other animated segment that was on the tracy olman show wait what was the other animated i looked it up it's called like dr and i gore or something oh boy yeah i mean yeah it's it's like literally an unpronounceable title it's like n exclamation mark g q um and uh yeah that got really big in 87 Tracey Ullman's show launches in 89 The Simpsons launches yeah and you might have heard of it it's a very big show that they will not kill

yeah 30 years old at this point the Disney buyout of Fox might actually kill The Simpsons have you read this whole theory because a lot of it is that Fox, the network, makes money by paying Fox Television Studios for the licensing rights for The Simpsons.

So even though the show is so prohibitively expensive now because the voice actors... I get so much money. The syndication value, because they just keep on adding a number of episodes, is worth it. But if Fox, the network, is owned by a different company than Fox TV, which it's going to be,

then they might just make it a mercy killing. Well, Fox, the network, can't be owned by Disney. Exactly. Right, yes, that's the problem. Right, but Disney is going to own 20th Century Fox Television, the production company. I mean, who cares? Fine, kill the Simpsons.

Yeah, about time. Like, who will miss it? And I'm sure Disney will find a way to make a ton of money off of it in death. Right. They'll make a Simpsons park or something. Like, whatever. Well, Universal called dibs on that baby.

I can't stand him. I can stand him. You would love. I know you hate theme parks. You think you hate theme parks. It's just not my thing. Do you know how good the Simpsons area is? They built Springfield at Universal.

That's cool. You can go to Moe's. You can eat a Krusty Burger. Can you get a Flamin' Moe's? Yeah. Yeah. They have three different kinds of duff. It's great.

David, you would like it. You like the Simpsons. Ding dong. Ding dong. Ding dong. Okay. All right. Can you get the door, Esther?

Okay. Open it up. Yep. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Is this Earwolf Studios here? No, this is Audio Boom Studios. NPR to this American life?

No, you're the blank check record, whoever you are. Where's Sarah Koenig? Yeah, nope. No, not today. Sorry. I'm Sam Elliott. Okay. What?

I should have recognized you from your 10-gallon hat. You should have recognized me. From my voice, it sounds exactly like how I, Sam Elliott, sounds. Mm-hmm. And my physical appearance in my illustrious filmography. The hero himself. My ears were burning. Okay.

I heard someone talk about the 2003 picture Hulk. You're Thunderbolt Ross in that one? Of course, General Thunderbolt Ross. Now, in that film, I had to play a military man. You've done that a couple times in your career. I have to go a little nattier. You know what I'm saying? Trim.

You would have to trim your facial hair. Right. You're famed for your big stash. I got a big bush in my stash. But I had to be natty for General Thunderbolt Ross. Okay. Well, have you ever thought about subscribing to an online service that would provide you with all the things you need to get natty?

I have, but here's the problem. On Hulk, they spent 95% of the budget on Nick Nolte's bail. So they didn't have any petty cash for me to get razors. Well, all you need is five bucks. Did they have five bucks? I probably could have squeezed five out of them, yeah. All right, well, so for five bucks, you can get razors, shave butter, shampoo, body shampoo body wash toothpaste everything you need to look smell and feel your best do they have any boot leather um i don't know probably not let me ask

you a question it's more about the human skin and you know like your body sure this is embarrassing oh i know especially since we're a mixed company dav David. Yes. You are David Sims, right? That's me. I know I was confused about what studio I was in, but now I should admit I'm a long-time blank. Thank you. I love the Speed Racer episode. David. Yeah.

I'm very ashamed to say this. I have a real stinky butt. Well... My butt smells terrible. David, i have no idea how to wipe well uh i can't i mean the kit can't teach you how to wipe but you're gonna say something with butt wipes no i want to hear what esther was gonna say esther i'm a big fan of your work you still work at the av club right nope well common mistake anyone could make it they're called one wipe charlie's with aloe vera and chamomile.

I wipe so poorly, I have poop on my butt cheeks. All right, okay. Not even in the crack. Sam, that's enough. On top of the cheeks. Sam, that's enough. Well, instead of having to go to the store. Well, that's the worst part because my butt smells so bad, it kicked me out of the store.

And struggle to buy products to deal with your many hygiene problems. You're mounting. I mean, now I'm smelling it too. Yeah. Um, you can use dollar shave club. I get an amazing high quality shave every morning for my dollar shave club.

Executive razor is the best razor I've ever used. And then there's the Dr. Carver shave butter, which is fantastic. It goes on clear so you can see where you're shaving and since dollar shave club delivers everything to you you don't have to set foot in a store wandering the aisles hunting for razors for shampoo and body wash and toothpaste none of it clean up your bathroom in your morning routine join dollar shave club

today and for just five dollars with free shipping you get the six blade executive razor plus trial sizes of shape butter body cleanser and one wipe charlie's then keep the blades coming for a few bucks more a month partner i'll take you up on that offer thank you kindly all right well if you go to dollar shave club.com slash check you can get that for five dollars exclusively at dollar shave club.com slash check so you're saying i just need to check that I have typed in dollarshaveclub.com and then I'm done? Nope, you go to dollarshaveclub.com slash check.

I don't know why I'm struggling with that one. Well, thank you kindly. Yep, you can get it all. I use it, you use it. I mean, oh, Griffin. I'm talking to Griffin, who is here. Yeah, hey, how's it going? Yeah, we've both gotten the starter kit.

Yeah, I mean, you know,? We've both gotten the starter kit. Yeah, I mean, you know. I don't know if we have as big a problem as Sam Elliott clearly has. I'm a stubble man. You know, I had a stash once for vinyl. Oh, I know. I really loved your work on vinyl. You watched vinyl?

Of course, every episode, four times. Okay, Sam, I got some good sarsaparilla out in the kitchen. I'll just escort you out, okay? Oh, sure. Wait, wait, why are you pushing me? Come on. Get out of here. Oh, sure. Wait, wait. Why are you pushing me? Come on. Get out of here. Esther, open the door.

Oh, my God. That guy smelled terrible. Yeah, I know. We're going to need to air it out. Can you turn on the ventilator, Ben? He's been, like, living in the woods. I'll turn on the ventilator. No problem.

He's been using leaves as toilet paper. I mean, a fine actor, but what an awful butt that guy has. He's using leaves as toilet paper. But then it seemed like he wasn't wiping it away.

He was just rubbing it deeper into the butt. Yeah, he doesn't know how to wipe. He admits that. Sam Elliott will sue us for that. Let's talk about I'll Do Anything. Okay. So James L. Brooks in the time in between has created one of the biggest TV shows of all time. Yes. And now he comes back

to the big screen, to the silver screen. Yeah. He says i'm gonna make a musical an old-fashioned movie musical that's a parody that's a parody of movie making right like the hollywood but not like movie making on a set like the development process right very excessive nobody cares about not expect like right you thought it'd be on a set or something yeah i like yeah i was not expecting that you don't get on a set until minute 100 of sure right just the third act yeah sitcom and it's a sitcom set right yeah um he was given 40 million dollars he hired twyla tharpus's choreographer he hired carol king prince and shanae o'connor to write songs for him uh they made

the movie with the songs in them now so like was nick nolte dancing okay apparent wait but apparently i think nick nolte only has one number only and he like talks so it's like lee marvin and paint your wagon it's like okay Wagon it's like there's a really funny LA Times article that sort of talked about this that like had this really mean description of Albert Brooks' voice yeah I mean okay let's cast

a musical a medium that's based on you know pleasing comforting singing voices who should be our three leads of the film? Albert Brooks, Julie Kavner, and Nick Nolte. Let's run sandpaper across a concrete floor. This story, which is sort of about

the hunt for the prince bootlegs, said, and I quote, Brooks' singing voice has been described charitably as gravitating towards a Jimmy Durante or Tom Waits end of the gravelly scale. And less charitably as an Oscar the Grouch affectation. Because he's up in the gravel in this movie. He's going even gravellier. He's very gravelly.

There's also one lingering shot of his left leg, like with the thigh in the foreground. And you're like, give me some tuchus. His nude left leg. You're so close to the tuchus he's wearing a bun though I was going to say something else say it say it

it was just like I mean he's in sort of weird states of undress throughout the movie there's some revealing pants that I was like oh he was he was about 46 when he made this movie uh-huh but you're right it's like one thing to say i'm gonna make a movie musical and it's the second thing to say the stars

are nick nolte albert brooks and julie cavner with like joely richardson is like the fourth to fifth lead depending on where you put the kid yeah and uh um can you imagine if he had the three of them harmonized together? It's just two, three people whose voices you could charitably describe as honking. It would sound like metal machine music, the Lou Reed album. Correct. This, this film that he made. Yeah.

To be clear, it exists. This isn't some Zack Snyder Justice League cut. There's a full cut of the movie with the musical numbers. They screened it for test audiences. Julie Kavner was there, of course, running the test screening. Yes, of course. And they gave it like F minus or whatever. Right.

And James L. Brooks said it nearly destroyed his soul. And he went back. He cut out all the musical numbers. He wrote a bunch of new stuff, and he did extensive reshoots. Yes, he did some reshoots, but he also said, I conceived the story as a musical

because musicals have heightened sense of reality, but even before any music, I had a complete script. I wrote it like any script. The songs could be lifted out of it, which to me is like you fucked up making a musical. that's not how you make a musical but i mean i think watching it you can sort of there's this okay so there's this like hans zimmer score which sort of like swells at certain moments sure so you can classic collaborator hans zimmer by the way

yes but you and you can sort of tell like when they're supposed to be agree numbers some of the times and it doesn't totally make sense. Like, you're watching and you're like, was there supposed to be a musical number here? Like, that wouldn't be where you'd put a musical number. I think, like, the big test screening. Yes. Like, I think that whole sequence is supposed to be, like, a chorus number.

But, like, I don't know. There is one of the post... Jesus Christ, why can't I speak English anymore? One of the post-coital Kavner-Brooks scenes feels like it's the prelude to a song. I think there's also one of the scenes at the beginning, like one of the things at the beginning with Tracy Ullman, it seems like they're supposed to be, you know, when she's sort of saying like, right before they decide to get married. It sort of swells. Can I read something else from this article?

Please. Which is sort of interesting. The main theme was supposed to be a song called Wow. It was written by Prince. And it was, there were six different reprises of this throughout the movie. Six? And the chorus. Hey, Albert Brooks is here. And the chorus. You think you can do the song six times, but you can't, Nem movie. Six. And the chorus. Hey, Albert Brooks is here. And the chorus.

You think you can do the song six times, but you can't, Nemo. Okay. The lyrics of the song were, wow, this is crazy. Wow, this is wild. If there ever was a time for reaction, baby, the time is now.

Seems like we're spending most of our lives just waiting for the Big Bang. Extraordinary stuff that makes us say extraordinary things like wow. And then this article says one of them, one of the versions of this song accompanies a childbirth

scene. So I assume it would be like Tracy Ullman giving birth in which this wow, in which wow was replaced by ow. Esther, I couldn't really process the lyrics you read. Could you do that five more times? Then I think I would get it. Wow, this is crazy.

Wow, this is wild. So there are two contradictory things here, okay? One is, I think we're all in full agreement, if you design a musical that can totally work without the musical numbers. You probably made a bad musical. Right. Yeah. But also, not just that I feel you can sense when a scene is supposed to end in a musical number in this movie.

Not just is there like those clear ramp up scenes. Also, I feel like the pitch of the actors' performances change. Oh, totally. Because you can feel them starting to pivot into having to sing in 15 seconds. Yeah. I mean, there's a sort of like, yeah, there's like, in addition to the swelling of music, there's like a swelling of emotion. They become very declarative. I don't have like any, I tried to write it down, but I, and I don't have like any moments

in my notes, but like, yeah, there, there, there's the sort of like, I'm about to burst into song, like tone that happens. And it's super weird to watch but beyond all of that I also think this movie is missing certain emotional beats that were meant to be carried by songs right but on the other hand like from what everything that I've heard about the songs is that they were like okay this is the problem with doing musicals where you just like throw a bunch of songwriters together. And, like, you know, it sounds like they were so generic that they weren't actually.

And this is how you could rip them out of the song. They were so generic that you could, like, you know, that any of the lyrics were just like, who knows? Like, this isn't, you know, this is nothing. That's what's weird is I feel like, by all accounts, these songs were not plotty at all. So it's not like there are any story beats that are missed by by removing them wow wow wow wow wow oh ben's shaking his head you don't like that no it's great okay get ready for way more of that yeah um but i feel right so you're not missing like story beats but i feel like they're emotional beats where it's like, we missed the part where these two characters got this close,

and that was probably sold through them singing together. Yeah, all the relationship stuff. Don't totally make sense. Yeah, the Julie Kavanagh, Albert Brooks thing doesn't really make sense. I mean, I guess we'll eventually get to describe in the plot of this movie, but the turn at the end with Julieley richards and like makes zero sense we'll get to that it's crazy it's like insane but like it's like yeah it's like all these things maybe i mean and it's hard to know whether that was in song or whether that was just in the cutting

room floor the fact that this thing was like chopped up so many times and then like frankenstein back into a movie i have to think it was i mean he said like his whole reason to want to do a musical was that he loved the idea of like people at breaking points where they are so overcome with one kind of emotion or another that they have no choice but to sing. That's the only way to express it. So do you think he, like, sings during that, like, scene where he yells at the development guy? Like, maybe? That's the thing. It's like, it feels like.

Like, so instead of just, like, or, like, I mean, that's Nick Nolte, but instead of, like, Albert Brooks just, like, yelling, the thing it's like it feels like like so instead of just like or like I mean that's Nick Nolte but instead of like Albert Brooks just like yelling it's just like it's just like him singing right that's crazy that's wild I mean it's just like everything that I sort of read with him I can't remember like an exact quote that like wouldn't put this in context but it seems like he sort of theoretically wanted to make a musical, but didn't actually know. Either know how or really understand what making a musical would mean or do. He wanted to make an anti-musical. And I feel like it's a thing people have tried to do and no one's ever pulled off.

Don't hire Twyla Tharp if you want to make a radical musical. You can hire Twyla Tharp if you want to make a radical musical. She weird stuff no i mean fair enough you're you're right i mean i'm gonna defend twilight well i love just i just saw a twilight performance which oh oh just at the joyce yeah no but i mean like he's trying to blow it out like it sounds like from what he's hired he's making big dance numbers like he's trying to make an old-fashioned studio musical. Yeah, he's not trying to do something like, I don't know, once. Yeah, exactly. Or, you know.

What's the one with Anna Kendrick? Last Five Years. Yes, exactly. Which doesn't work. But I say anti-musical in that other than the musical numbers, nothing about it tips its hat to being a musical. Right. Right. I mean, like, it's just, I mean, if you want to make a musical, you have to, like, you have to, it just doesn't seem like he knew, like, really understood the form in any way

to actually do it. And this is also the movie that I would argue kind of ruins James L. Brooks' filmmaking aesthetic. Because you have, the first two movies have a kind of tactile viscerality to them. And far more, like, kind of metered performances. Very occasionally choosing to go for

a bigger comedic swing. And then this, even just the look of it becomes a lot glossier, the performances become a lot bolder. And it feels like they have to make up to get from the Brooks script to the twilight numbers right of course because if you were making a musical you would have it wouldn't be so weird to have a heightened performance that we're imagining disbelief is like yeah because you're

mandatory right yeah you have like that's how it works yeah they recut the movie to pieces they reshoot a bunch of it it comes out and people still shrug and it makes no money. Huge bump. And it becomes one of those questions where it's like, should they just release the original version? It's not like they saved anything by cutting it. That's the question with so many of these things. It's like, right, what are you salvaging really? Just release it. Roger Ebert liked it though.

He liked it. It didn't actually get terrible reviews. It got mixed reviews. But it cost 40 mil. It made like 10. Obviously no awards traction. No. And there are work prints

that have circulated around of the musical cut. I tried valiantly to get my hands on one before this started. He said that he wants to reconstruct it and put it out along with the documentary. But the problem is apparently the songwrites are impossible. Yes, too expensive.

Because they were all owned independently. There is like one of the bootleg Prince songs like available. He's released a couple of them on different compilations and b-sides and stuff. Yeah, but because they were all different artists and they retained the rights to their own songs. I wouldn't like to watch, like I would genuinely like not like to watch. I mean, I'd be interested to see it, but I wouldn't want him to like spend too much time

like reconstructing it or trying to make it work because like that's a waste of time. However, like I actually think a documentary about this is sort of like, what was that documentary? Mount Merrily We Roll Along. The best horse idea we ever had. Like that would be like, I would watch that. That would be really interesting.

I would love to watch that. Because also just as a window into mid 90's studio filmmaking I think too that's the other weird thing about this movie it is a parody of this development process but it's a different time

it feels alien in some ways this whole thing the whole thing that he's parodying feels so different in some ways. Very much so. This whole thing, like the whole, the whole thing that he's parroting feels like different, so different and so like something that doesn't really register

on any scale. Well, like Albert Brooks is playing Joel Silver and he's playing Joel Silver at a very particular moment. Yeah. Yes. And it's like

a very specific encapsulation of a moment in time for how Hollywood ran. And it's not like all of that's out the window. It's not like all of it was unprecedented before then. Yeah. Or none of it has lingered, but there's like something very time capsule-y about

what it's parodying. Right. And it's like, it's a weird, it would be interesting to sort of delve into that and like what he was really trying to get at here. I mean it's... Yeah. This is the same well, no. When's Last Action Hero? 95?

Or is it 94? 93. Right, because it was the Jurassic Park year. Right. I mean, the shots of people going through the test screening and counting that way. That was sort of interesting to me because it was like...

Oh, I love that. Because that's like a glimpse into this weird process and this weird point in time. But still, the rest of it like there's no context for it i doubt even an audience then would you know i mean it's so behind the scenes but my point is like there were so many movies there were a lot of movies right around now that were making fun of like hollywood and like the popcornization of like Studio Hollywood in this weird way. And they almost never were.

No one cared. Like the player is beloved. Sure. But it's not a huge financial success. Right. But that, yeah, right. That is an arch clever movie.

Right. Tropic Thunder is kind of the only movies about, the only movie about movie making that is full on successful. Financially. Because it was like when that came out and they were like

I can't believe they let him make a hundred million dollar inside baseball movie his movies always fail America's Sweethearts oh yeah was actually

a hit which is also all about junkets it's like very but that's like the most inside it could have done better but it was a hit

yes that's true those are the only obvious ones to me like Bowfinger but that's sort of a hit yes that's true um those are the only obvious ones to me like bow finger but that's okay you know that's sort of uh it's great a hijinks comedy you know like uh burn hollywood burn is like a noted disaster well yeah burn hollywood burn you're gonna bring that up right i'm saying this but yes you're right lots of those kinds of movies very fertile territory um i'll do anything so it's time to talk about the plot of i'll do anything right ben nick nolte he plays matt hobbs guys and his origin story no i'm not gonna let you stop me

no i was just gonna say you want to talk about a movie referencing so specific a moment. The most specific moment. He was nominated in the famous 1980 Emmys that aired during an actor strike, I think. There was a SAG strike and every actor said that they were going to boycott the Emmys. Tracy Ullman is really pissed about it. Only one actor showed up in any category. He was the only one who showed up for any of the nominations? Okay. He about it only one actor showed up in any category he was the only one who showed up for any of the nominations he was the only actor who showed up

he was a fairly young actor at the time yes Powers Booth recently departed yeah RIP but we know him from what do we know him from? Deadwood Sin City playing a lot of grumpy guys probably beating Sam Elliott out of a few roles.

Right? Or maybe picking up the crumbs when Sam Elliott's quote was too hot. Yeah. He was nominated for Best Lead Actor in a Limited Series against, and it is crazy. Because these are all movie stars. Jason Robards for playing FDR or something.

Two-time Academy Award winner. Henry Fonda and Tony Curtis. Yeah. And Tony Curtis for playing David O. Selznick. Yeah. playing like fdr or something two-time academy award winner uh henry fonda and tony curtis yeah and tony curtis for playing david o'sells nick yeah so and then so they just cgi or whatever nick nolte's face as the fifth nominee here who was the fifth nominee there wasn't one maybe that's why they picked this category they could just like plausibly squeeze him in but also it was infamous because powers booth was he showed up he played jim jones the cult leader guy yeah in some tv movie and he won and he was like this is either the best or worst decision of my life you know like he had like a sort of a joke about it and it was kind of

both like he kept working as a character actor it sort of made him look a little disingenuous but it also gave him a big platform it never he was so new he had only been in like cruising like that was it he'd like never done anything before anyway nolte's nominated he watches at home he loses i wonder if they send something to the nominees yeah he's pretty funny about it he's with his girlfriend played by tracy allman um then they decide to get married do you know something crazy about this film is that uh 1994 simpsons has been on for about five years years at this point um tracy allman sued fox because she believed that she was entitled to a percentage of the simpsons and its merchandise wow which was huge at this time. The Simpsons, which is produced by Gracie Films, James L. Brooks' company.

Right. So she did not bring Gracie Films or James L. Brooks into the lawsuit because the lawsuit was happening while she was making this movie. Wow. And James L. Brooks had to record a testimony on tape and then submit it and not show up in court so that there wasn't a conflict of interest. You are correct.

And she lost the suit, but still... She didn't lose it. It was dismissed. It didn't even go to court. But she still got a percentage. Really? They gave her some percentage. Okay. She does continue to get an annual

share of the show's profits so i'm sure tracy's doing okay tracy's doing fine um so but what do you think of tracy allman in this movie esther zuckerman oh boy yeah unpleasant she walks the line in any performance yeah she's on the wrong side of the line with this one. Tracy Ullman, a phenomenal talent, not someone who is a big fan of naturalism, let's say. And it's not like... And then they do that accent and it's like... Right. She's giving a sketch comedy performance.

Right. And the character also is very one-dimensional to begin with. Right. She's just unpleasant. Right. She sucks. What is she? I mean, she's... She's just unpleasant. She sucks. What is she? I mean, she's nothing.

She's like shrill lady in quotes. She's like a money-grubbing redneck. In three scenes, she goes from kind of annoying girlfriend to pain-in-the-ass wife who won't stop yelling about their kid and how big a fuck-up he is, which is fine. Fine. And then criminal. Who has raised a demon child. Yes, that reveal is crazy. That reveal is crazy.

Like, yeah. So, like, she's suddenly, suddenly she's a white collar criminal. So the opening scene is he watches Powers Booth accept and... He loses the Emmy and that's probably the high point of his career. Right. And she sort of passive-aggressively nudges him about putting a ring on it. Yeah, he's like, the only reason that I haven't asked you is because acting is going to be my everything. Right.

And I want you to know this and I want you to... You might not have stability. Yeah, I want you to know this. And she's like, that's fine. Like, I don't care. That's one of the things I like most about you is how much you love acting. And then she and then obviously they have a child. They get married.

They have a child. And obviously it's like she hates it because he's not because he like won't get up to help the baby because he's got like a read like a read through in the morning. Like they cut to seven years later. Five and a half. And the baby is six months old. No, no, no. First they cut to the baby being a little, which is.

Oh, right. He's like, I think that's like six months later or something. That's what I'm saying. They cut to. No, that doesn't make sense though. Oh. Because if it's 1980 and I'll do anything except 1994. Neither was I.

It does not matter. It doesn't matter. I think they cut to 1987. It's seven years later. They just had a child. Okay, yeah. The child's six months old. He asks her to go up and take care of the crying baby because he's got a big reading in the morning.

Yeah. Which is like, so he's probably doing like a reading of a script that is an audition with the hopes that maybe they consider him if the thing ever gets made. Yeah, it's unclear. Right. He's like grasping at straws and she's clearly had it to here with him. Yeah. She like cries in his face. Right. And then it just cuts again.

Cuts again. Five and a half years later. Still a struggling, right. Still a struggling actor. She's long gone. She lives in Atlanta. He doesn't have the Owen Wilson hair anymore. And he goes in for a reading or he goes into he's going to a production company for some reason.

He needs a job. Right. Well, he knows I think he knows ahead of he knows ahead of time that the kid is coming and he needs money for a visit

and he needs money so he cold calls a he's met he met this woman A D-girl is what I call them. He's met this woman in an acting class

and he cold calls her and she's like well, they're casting a project right now. I'll do anything if you got anything. Yeah. Right. That's the title of the movie.

Right. And that girl is Jolie Richardson. And this is, we should say. And it's Kathy. This is the Jolie-est movie ever made. Is that right? You have Jolie Richardson and Jolie Fisher. True.

In the same fucking movie. And Jolie Kavner? Sorry. All right. movie and joe lee cavner sorry not since dr strange had two benedicts has one movie had two uncommon names both in their top eight billed actors so he goes in for the audition he goes in for the audition this is my favorite scene in the movie it's really good yes this is like this is the scene where i was sort of like i'd started this movie i wasn't sure what the fuck was going on right and i leaned forward and i was like oh

like this is this is like a james l brooks moment where when he's crying in the audition you know when he's giving this really intense audition yeah he like has like two pages and he's the director ian mckellen played by ian mckellen as john earl mcalpine and he's got like Ian McKellen played by Ian McKellen as John Earl McAlpine and he's got like jawed furs and a hat you know like he's playing like a parody of a British director guy

and he's holding like half of a pair of glasses right? I don't know either my TV screen is broken or he is holding one spectacle

and one arm in his hand I did not notice that like a monocle okay maybe my TV's broken. Or maybe it's that thing with the glasses,

the magnet glasses. Yeah, I was getting together. I think it's probably that. And he does this read that's like... Well, he's like, he's first like, I need to like,

you know, I need to, can I read the whole script first? Right. And they're like, no. And Brooks is giving him this spiel of like,

no, we make popcorn movies here. Popcorn. Right, right. Because he's like, let's just do the interview and then we'll have you read. And he's like, can we skip the interview part? I don't like that. And he's like, let's just do the interview and then we'll have you read. And he's like, can we skip the interview part?

I don't like that. And he's like, you don't want to interview? Fine. Here's the rule. The rule's yours. Are you kidding? No, I'm not kidding.

I make popcorn movies. Brooks has like a 15 minute monologue where he just like negates everything he says. What are we thinking? It's just bombast. What do we think of Albert Brooks in this movie?

It's too much. It's weird casting. It's too much. I think he's kind of bad. And like, I love him. I do too. And I love Brooks. It's too much. It's weird casting. It's too much. I think he's kind of bad. And like, I love him. I do too, and I love Brooks.

It's the first movie he's made since Broadcast News. No, no, no. He'd made Defending Your Life in between. He also made The Scout this year,

which is like a pretty cute movie in my memory. The Frasier picture? Yeah. And then he makes Mother a couple years after that. This is sort of like the twilight of his

movie star career, I guess. I mean, he's really kind of put the emphasis more on his own films, and he takes a while in between films. Yeah, and he's just chilling out, right? I mean, yeah, he does voices on The Simpsons sometimes. That's it. Like, he really is just chilling out. And they cast him as Joel Silver, and, like, Ron Silver plays Joel Silver in True Romance.

Isn't he essentially playing Joel Silver in that film? Sure. I think he is. Yes. And like, what's the other one I'm thinking of? You know, you could go like, oh, like casting like a Michael Lerner type. That makes sense. Sure.

As a Joel Silver. Barton Fink was impression in the memory. Someone plays a Joel Silver analog and gets shorty as well. Okay. Like, there are people who have done successfully at this point in time because he was such a big figure. And then you hire Albert Brooks, who is so vulnerable and so neurotic, to play this guy who's like no filter, all bluster.

Right. And they don't change his look at all, which is kind of distracting because Albert Brooks has such a defined persona at this point. That's true. He's usually a nebbish, and in this one, he's playing like a ball buster. Right, and I'm like, can we just put sunglasses on him? Could he grow some stubble? Could we put him in leather?

It just feels like when he's wearing a decent shirt tucked into nice slacks. Leather Daddy Brooks. And then he just starts acting like an asshole. I'm just like, yeah, Leather Daddy Brooks. Well, he's an asshole. We get that right away. Yeah. His company, his shingle is called Popcorn Pictures.

In case you don't get it. And he has Nolte read. And Nolte like turns around. Nolte like reaches into his soul. And like gives us a move. It's like a breakup scene. Something like that. Yes. There's this pause where Brooks is like, why didn like a, it's like their, it's a breakup scene. Something like that. Yes.

There's this pause where Brooks is like, why didn't you do the quack? Yeah. You got a quack. And he's like, why would I quack? It's in the script,

you have to quack. And then he's like, because it's a comedy. Yeah, right. It's not a comedy and then all the trailers and 5200 theaters are wrong. They already have a teaser out,

but they haven't hired the guy. They say the part works tomorrow. Yeah. But Nolte does a really fucking good job. Like his acting as the character within the scene is so impressive. Right. It's like kind of what you want out of like movies like La La Land, where it's like you want the scene at the beginning. La La Land almost does it I was thinking about this

like on the way here that this is like that Albert not Albert James Albrecht sort of wanted to make Lawland yeah

he did except he also just had a lot of dumb ideas about like there's a kid and there's you know like there's too much other stuff in the soup

and we haven't even gotten to the craziest idea he has in this film what's the craziest idea he has in this film Julie Kavan the craziest idea he has in this film? Julie Kavner's prescription cocktail that makes her impervious to lies. I mean, yeah, well, we're about to get to that. Yeah.

Julie Kavner. Nan. She plays a lady called Nan. She's got liar-liar disease. She has liar-liar disease. She's, right, incapable of bullshit. It's insane. Yeah.

So he leaves. He's trying to get in his car. It's this devastating scene where he has essentially laid himself bare in this already embarrassing situation to read in front of the producers. And Brooke says, you're wrong for this,

but you got something. I'll bring you back. Yeah, let's have you back for something else. And so he says that to Jolie Richardson and all the other D people are like, ooh, who's that guy? Why was he thinking you, Carson? The D girls are Jolie Richardson, Jolie Fisher, and Hayes. And Hayes.

And Vicky Lewis of NewsRadio. Quite a martyr's row. Yeah. And then one guy who kind of looks like Josh Brolin. No, no, no. But who is he? I was trying to figure it out. He also looks a little like Lauren Dean.

I meant to look this up before we got here. I scoured IMDb trying to figure out who he was. Okay, I'm going to try to get a cup of coffee while you're looking for the guy. He needs his cup of coffee. Yeah. Is it Jeb Brown? Could it be Jeb Brown? I think it is.

It's Jeb Brown. Yep. This guy. All right. Well, I'm going to take this opportunity to talk a little bit about the fashion since we're just like taking a break here for Griffin to come back and discussing the plot. This is the worst, worst representation of 90s fashion. Just big, like boxy. Pillowy slacks.

Yeah, pillowy slacks. Yes. Shoulder pads. Just bad fabrics, bad ensembles, bad haircuts. This is the worst. Really not great hair. This is the worst. Julie Kavner's haircut is rough.

Yeah. I remember thinking in that Reed scene when Nick Nolte's standing there, that it was crazy. His pants were crazy. It was insane. Because they're like very big. Yeah. When he moves, you can sort of like there's a whole like atmospheric shift happening.

His crotch, like it's like there's just there's more crotch than there are like pants. They're the equivalent of his legs. I would like to counter this with saying one thing about the fashion. Sure kids fashion is really cute yeah the kid's pretty cute they they have some like fun sort of like blossomy like punky booster ish layering i like it i like it you know a lot of a lot of layered dresses it's cute i think i think that works so then let's say we'll say the adults fashion the adult's fashion is very bad in this movie

great we're talking about the fashion in the movie Griff I have some bad news yeah Sam Elliott has wiped his butt alongside the entirety

of the audio are you serious yeah I saw I caught a glimpse when you opened the door of just sort of a line it looks like a racing stripe

yeah you're talking about the fashion in the movie yeah it's interesting it's bad it's so bad the door of just sort of a line. It looks like a racing stripe. You're talking about the fashion of the movie. Yeah, it's interesting. It's bad. Except for the kid. The kid's got a great... The kid's got a good look. She's got a great sense of style. It's the only good thing about the kid. This movie's also shot by Michael Bauhaus, who's

a great DP, and it's all orange glow. Even in his crappy apartments, it's this very old fashioned look. And, and he shot, uh, broadcast news.

He also shot, I mean, a lot of the Fassbender films and a lot of the Scorsese movies. So I will say the scene in the test screening in the Valley is like the color palette that like I associate with the Valley. And there you go, which is where I grew valley in the 90s. There you go. Which is where I grew up. Sure, sure. There's, right, it's got that kind of like Grand Canyon scenes from a mall.

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you will go bananas for P90X. It's very similar. When I was gone, did you cover the chauffeur offer? Well, that's what happens next. Yes. Okay.

Albert Brooks wants him to drive him. Albert Brooks' driver is late, and so he wants him to drive him. Brooks is like, drive me. Then the car shows up, and Brooks is like, drive me in the nice car, not in your junker. And I'm sorry, who's the driver who- Jake Busey. Jake Busey, our good friend. Big tooth Jake.

Ace Levy. And it's weird because they insult Gary Busey in this movie. Too much teeth. Ace Levy. And it's weird because they insult Gary Busey in this movie. Too much teeth. He is, right. He's one of the many actors they drag in the scene. I love that scene, actually. I think the list of when they're going down. Well, this is good except for when Nolte, like, explodes.

And that's... Nolte takes it, I would say, a step too far. But that's Nolte's performance in this movie. Yeah. He's, like, such a throbbing nerve in this movie that's otherwise like fairly gentle he's got too much he kind of cares too much about the work but it's not that's what a lot of brooks movies are like right there's just something here where the tone is being mismanaged that you'll see again in spanglish yeah and well not in so much and how do you? Cause everyone's just sort of asleep in that one.

But like, you know, in like a tail, you only performance where like they have an angle and then he's just like, amp it up. I have not seen Spanglish all the way through, but you were like, I,

you sort of had mentioned this to me and I started, I started watching it last night. Um, and I couldn't finish cause I had to work, but like I, but yeah, like the tail, you only at

the beginning of that movie where she's just going crazy i'm not mad i'm not mad i'm not mad um there's a lack of specificity to uh nick nolte's career in this movie or rather his craft i would say that doesn't come in until the very end when he's working with the daughter right i mean i think i mean i think that's the sort of, you know, he had this one success and you just don't know why he didn't. You don't understand why he didn't make it. Like, what happened? And Jolie Richardson says that

at one point when they're walking and they go, who was that guy? They said he got nominated for the miniseries, but for some reason, Guy hasn't been able to get arrested since. And he's in Platoon. Right. He's in Platoon. He was in Platoon. He says he walks by a rape scene. That's the joke. It's a joke about Oliver Stone's intense content. I. He was in Platoon. He says he walks by a rape scene. That's the joke. It's a joke about Oliver Stone's

intense content. I guess this was the year Natural Born Killers came out. And the joke But he was like an extra. He was a glorified extra. It sounds like he was

basically an extra. But he originally had a bigger part. They sort of make him sound like He originally had a line. He's like George Clooney in fucking

In one of the most annoying things. I mean, the Jolie Richardson character is likeoney and fucking... In one of the most annoying things. I mean, the Julia Richardson character is, like, so annoying. But in one of the most annoying things, she's like,

were you going for, like, a mixture of, like, I don't know, she, like, interprets his performance in, like, two seconds, like, that she remembered that he was on screen,

which, like, come on. Yeah. And she, like, interprets, and she's like, he's like, that's exactly what I was going for. And you're like, ugh. Do you know what's a weird thing now that I've been experiencing? I now, like, recognize background actors in movies and TV shows because I've, like, worked with them.

Oh, okay. And not, like, people I've, like, talked to or have relationships with. No, but, like. But it's, like, you start to see the same people around. Because they do multiple background gigs. Right. And it's just like, oh, fuck. Like that woman going, wow, in the crowd.

Yeah. I have seen that in person. Right. She's like, made her. Wow, this is crazy. Yeah. But it's very rare that like one sticks in your memory. Right.

I mean, but that's because you've seen them in person. Right. And this movie claims at least for Julie Richardson who has such an eye for talent. Right. That she saw the intent of his walk and recognized that's a real actor. Her whole thing is that she you know she. She's frustrated at popcorn films. She wants to make

a real movie. She wants to make a real movie but she like you know she hides her opinions. She's like not gonna she's not gonna tell the movie. She wants to make a real movie, but she hides her opinions. She's not going to tell the truth. She goes with the herd. And that's the name of the shingle that she wants to work for instead is real movies. She'd like to leave her job at Popcorn Films and work at real movies instead. Oscar movies.

Subtle. Okay, so the kid is next, right? Yeah. Kid's pretty early. He drives over Brooks to the test screening. Is the test screening in between? I can't remember. The test screening is in between. The kid doesn't show up, I think, for too long.

I was going to say, right. There is that there's the test screening scene where he meets Kavner, which I think was a big musical number. I'd make sense. The way they shoot the crowd shots feels like they're supposed to go into. I think they're supposed to be singing. Wow. Yes.

Is that where they watch the Woody Harrelson action movie where he says, sorry to bust your chops? Yes. And then he hits somebody with his chop. Hits him with a big pork chop. A meat-based action film. You know, one of those. They were big in the 90s.

But like, that's Brooks having a line and working a whole idea around it. And then the Julie Kavner characters, he's like, who would be like the perfect person to run a test screening? Someone who can't lie. So let me figure out a way like backwards to get into that. So they don't set that up in this scene. And I was really into her character in this scene

because she busts his chops because she's like, I haven't seen my daughter in like two years. Much like Woody Harrelson. Right, yeah. She's like, you're full of shit.

Yeah, what do you mean you haven't seen your daughter? You can see your daughter. He's like, well, her mom, right? And it's like, if you have a child, you have to prioritize everything. You move heaven and earth to see that kid.

I'm going to jump ahead, but the next time she encounters him and they're talking about the kids. She apologizes! She apologizes. She's like, I'm sorry. She had switched antidepressants or was on different antidepressants and she was like, or wasn't taking her antidepressants. I can't remember. But she's like, she blamed it on the drugs and she was like, I'm sorry.

Like, I was feeling weird that day. She's on a weird balance of pills that now makes her incapable of lying, but her doctors won't let her drop it because they want to use her as a case study. So they're paying her to study why she can't lie. Which never comes in the plot again, except for the fact that she's very honest. This is what I'm saying. This is just him finding a back way into having a character who can't lie here's another thing you could do just have a character who's bluntly honest yeah yeah yeah no no but it's like a magic power julie cavner type chill out take it down can i be completely honest and like

i watched i took notes in this movie like i watch it carefully fair i missed that what's the explanation of her honesty like i was because i, I literally wrote down, you can see my note, but it's antidepressants? Question mark. Because I think that threw me off so much that then I didn't hear the full explanation about her lying. I rewound it two times. Okay, thank you. I felt really bad. I was just sitting here for a moment and I felt really bad that I was like, oh my God, did I not?

But I wrote down antidepressants that i was like oh my god did i not but i wrote down antipresence i was like what is this maybe it was supposed to be explained uh more in depth via song but it's kind of tossed off over the shoulder and then i'm on a cocktail of men never referenced ever again because as she develops this relationship with albert brooks she keeps on criticizing him for saying these mean things to her that he keeps on being too honest without consideration for feelings yeah it just and she's not like look I know a little bit about not lying I medically cannot lie so those are our characters right now we've explained them all or the movie has except for the kid yeah and the test screening looks like it goes well but then Kavner comes out and gives the numbers. He's like, actually, if you look.

And there's this moment when he, like, sort of swings around a pole where I'm like, maybe he was supposed to sing then. Right. It's a little singing in the rain. It's a little thing we had. Right. But Brooks is kind of, like,

immediately feeling beaten down, but then he has a moment of connection. He asks Kavner out to dinner at that scene, right? Yes. Yeah. Correct. He's like, to dinner at that scene, right? Yes. Yeah. Correct. He's like, do you want to get dinner tonight?

Yeah. Okay. So now the next scene is them in bed together. Like we don't even see the, right. He's got a weird bed. Yeah, he does.

Weird apartment. Right. It's supposed to be rich. Like it looks like it doesn't seem that rich. Yeah. It's like a couch. It's like, right.

It's like the bed that Garfield sleeps in. It's like a box, right? It's like perfectly square. I don't know how you get in like the bed that Garfield sleeps in. It's like a box. Right? It's like perfectly square. I don't know how you get in and out of that bed. Yeah. And they don't show it. Right.

And it has like raised edges. You have to jump. You have to like dive into the bed. To me, it's fun. I don't know. The first time they showed it, I thought it was one of those things where you put two couches together facing each other. Because it's like totally enclosed.

Do you know what I'm saying? Let's talk about the kid played by Whitney Wright. Okay. So Nelty gets on a plane. He goes to Tracy Ullman's place and character actor Robert Joy comes out. Oh, that's right. He actually has to go to, right. Of course he goes to Atlanta.

He has a call with her and it's like, can't you just put the kid in the plane? And he's like, she's like, no. And that's the call that Brooks interrupts. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Right.

So then he gets here and Robert Joy walks out and he's like she's like no and that's the call that brooks interrupts yeah right yeah right so then he gets here and robert joy walks out and he's like oh jesus christ god happy to be out of the house thank god you're here i'm not allowed to smoke around the kid she's like crazy about it right you you think he's the other right the other man right and uh the turn of this scene where tracy allman is like it's not a visit you actually have to just take the kid is the guy being like oh i'm a u.s marshal and she's going a visit. You actually have to just take the kid. Is the guy being like, oh, I'm a U.S. Marshal and she's going to jail. So I just like to interject

about this moment. Because this movie is just like white privilege. Like to a T. I was saying this off mic before we recorded and I think this is the best encapsulation of that. That, oh, oh, the white mother gets to wait an extra day with the marshal at the house so that the father will show up fuck you yeah i mean that gets me so angry you didn't tell him yeah like no

he would be behind her going like fucking tell him she would the the girl would be lost in like foster care system already if this was real life. The government would have notified him. And the kid is the most spoiled brat you've ever met in your entire life. Or ever encountered. This is part of what confuses me so much about Brooks' decision making with this movie.

Because again, it's like, did he decide that Tracy Ullman's character would just be evil? And thus the kid is a pain in the ass right because she's not before the first scene she totally tolerates does he just decide like well she needs to be a pain in the ass but at least she's be awful otherwise there's no way for me to get the kid to nolte right yeah because and is that why the kid is then just a nightmare why did he decide to make this movie about a kid who's just a nightmare and she's i mean and she

and she's tracy allman is like feeding the kid all this like right insane right and they have this routine where she's like compromise and they like and it's like strike a bargain where the kid gets what she wants or whatever and also can i if one of the things that baffles me about the kid. Say anything. The kid is five and a half and can't read. Fair point. Yes. Can't read. Can't read. And like, I don't know. And it's not, it's brought up a lot in the movie, but it's not even brought up as like a bad thing. It's sort of

weird that this kid is five and a half and can't read anything. I mean, some kids can't read that age. You know, between four and seven is when you're learning to read, I guess. Okay, maybe I'm... I was an early reader, but I don't want to judge everyone. Yeah, so was I. Ben just gave me a great look. Nolte assumes that Robert Joy is the boyfriend, and he says, like,

look, do you want to run away with this guy? Oh, because he goes, like, I'll bring her back in two weeks. And she's like, actually, a little longer. He's like, what, you're going on vacation or something? And Robert Joy's like, you fucking, you you had one job tell him i'm going away forever she committed like a white collar crime or she was like an accomplice the exact line ready i loved helped and supported in every way possible a businessman who committed the terrible crime of being financially imaginative with a pension fund right okay yes right now you said

was this just necessary is this brooks just finding a plot way to do this you know what other movie does something nearly identical how do you know what movie old dog the reason robin williams has to take over the kids is because kelly Preston has not warned him that she's going to jail for an environmental protest. Uh-huh. Now, I never thought I would compliment old dogs on anything.

So you're saying that's less sweaty. Old dogs does a better job. You can have the mother go to jail for reasons that don't make her a terrible person.

Right. But this is my question, this chicken egg question. Does he want the kid to be evil? I think he wants the kid to be evil. Because he wants there to be a turn with the kid that he has to take care of this nightmare kid. Because otherwise it would just be like a gloppy dramedy about a cute kid who helps him figure out his life. It is Clifford-esque.

It's problem child-y. Okay, this is what's surprising about this movie and these characterizations is, like, I thought at the beginning, like, in the moment when, you know,

he's not getting up to help the kid and he's like, my acting is my career, that he was going to make him, and then when Julie Kavner yells at him, like, that he was going to make him a bad guy.

But you quickly realize after this that he is 100% convinced of his decency like that matt hobbs is like the greatest guy ever like he his shortcomings or whatever sure he is a really good guy so like he has so if he if he doesn't want to believe that the guy is that the guy is bad then he has to make the kid a fucking nightmare that's a very good point because right a it's like the movie feels like it's actually calling him out on his bullshit in the opening scene by being like, guess what?

Even if you think you're a nice guy, if you haven't seen your kid in two years, you're a bad person. Or like trying to do, like if it's doing a Hollywood parody, trying to do a parody of like the struggling actor who will do anything. Like, and he's not, but he's not parodying that.

He's not, he's not criticizing this guy in any way. And, you know, there is like a certain subgenre of like light comedies about men who are not prepared to raise a kid who was dropped off you know but like those types of movies your big daddies and your what have yous usually it's like this man has some growing up to do he doesn't know how to well what do you eat uh saltines like that kind of like yeah but no this guy is a good guy. He takes to it almost immediately. None of it's on him. It's all that she fucking sucks.

She's a bad kid. Yeah, she gets on the plane. She's a bad kid, immediately. He's doing his hardest. She throws tantrums about everything. She throws tantrums. She pretends to hit herself, so the entire plane judges him. She locks herself in the thing.

She screams so much. She's a devil child. that sequence is kind of funny in like a farcy way it's funny one time but then like everything she does is this the other thing I wrote in my notes I can't remember when exactly I wrote this but I was like is this movie disturbing it is

I think it is when he's in the apartment right and he's like you can then in the apartment, right, and he's like, you can sleep in the bed or you can sleep over there, like, near me if you want to sleep near me. And she's like, here. And you're like, okay, all right, maybe this is settling down, right?

And then the next day is him, like, dropping her off at, like, the downstairs neighbor. I mean, speaking of what Ben said about, like, the white privilege, he literally just, like, he knocks on the door and is like, can you take this child? I've seen you in the laundry room. I see you have a lot of kids.

I guess you know how to deal with kids. She's like, well, I'm always here. Ben's just, it's just, it is. It's like, yeah, it's like, it's literally. And she's like, yeah, I guess. Okay. Which is also mind blogging. Like, right.

Mind blogging. It's a mind blog. It's a mind blog. Honest to blog. And then he like goes upstairs. Here's the kids. Here's screaming again. Goes downstairs thinking like, God, God, i've dumped this nightmare kid onto uh my neighbor and

then it opens the door and it's like no her kid is screaming and he's like but then there's other stuff where he like where he has to take the kid back and he's literally like holding her like like upside down and sure and she's like i don't want to go back with you yeah i mean she's i'm sorry we just brushed over been She's been horribly raised. One of the three craziest things that happens in this movie. What? Okay, he leaves. He's gone for what?

A minute or two? Sure. When he hears the screaming and runs back upstairs. He sees that it's this woman's son, one of her children, crying instead. And she goes, he goes, oh, I'll take her back. And he goes, actually, could you leave her here a little longer my son fell and he's crying and she's the only one he lets hold her right so it's sort of like it's been two minutes and it's sort of like that happened over the course of 120

seconds that the only way to stop him from crying is this little girl who's an inch taller than him and like from what we know, a terrible child. What? What? What? Chill out, Griffin. It's very strange. Yeah, it's weird.

But that also now allows him to go and live his life with total freedom and impunity because it's like, any scene where the kid's not there, it's because he's...

He dropped it off. Right. He's off the hook. Yeah. Like he's got a sort of pro bono babysitter at all hours and that's like the other confusing thing about this movie it's like if he wants to make a movie that's about like kid raising a kid and a parody of like the development process why

not have the kid there and and it's like the movie will go through a stretch of like 15 or 20 minutes where it's like oh because we have like a nolte scene a joely scene and like a cavner brook scene back to back now we just haven't seen the kid for 15 or 20 minutes who's like ostensibly the impetus for the entire plot right so i mean he continues to struggle to let teach this kid to be a fucking human being but it's like he doesn't even spend that much time with the kid. No, there's like the first half hour of this movie, I was kind of into it. I liked the audition scene. I thought it was going somewhere. Once the kid shows up, the plot

disappears from the movie. There's no, it's just like a bunch of shit happening. The next thing I have in my note is like the scene where, with the list of actors. There's that scene because he's now just hanging around at Popcorn Pictures as like a chauffeur. Because he's like sort of the driver. This is where the movie just starts to feel like a movie that had a bunch of musical numbers cut out of it that doesn't cut together. Right.

Like where it's just like a bunch of ideas like that scene, like the scene with Julie Kavner and Albert Brooks at the restaurant. Yeah. Like where it's just like, here's an idea about, here's a Hollywood sketch for you. I mean, the next thing that really happens is like she wants to make, Jolie Richardson wants to make Mr. Deeds goes to town. Right. She's 10 years early on an Adam Sandler movie. Yeah, which is, it's crazy now that this movie is kind of like,

it doesn't make any sense because you know that Mr. Deeds was remade into like a fucking dick and balls comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But she wants to make this like, you know, and it's after, so he goes, there's that big scene where he blows up, like the male number, whatever. Jab or whatever his name was. These are some of the best guys out there.

Yeah, they're like Tom and Lee Jones shit, you know. Jeff Daniels beanpole. Which is a weird, that was the strike against Jeff Daniels at the time. James Spader was vanilla, which is like crazy. He is the opposite of vanilla. He's got so much spice. Yeah.

Too much. I mean, I love Spader, but that's what he's known for is like just paprika everywhere. Right. And then he, and Nolte goes crazy. Yeah. Yells it all out. And the guy goes like, hey, you know know how about you stay in my business he goes that's the problem this is my business and you're in it right and everyone like freaks out they're

like you know yeah he thinks like oh fuck i've ruined myself i'm fired and then vicky lewis comes after him and he's like no stay please yeah and everyone's like oh this is fine and the d guy is like are you gonna beat me up and he's like no i'm not gonna beat you up this like inspires joely richardson to like she set the fire in yeah to like to put him in a mr deeds remake right she like she goes to she will she goes to she goes to albert brooks and she's like like i need this like i need to make this there's this project that i've been developing wait guys we didn't talk about the sex scene no no that happens after that after that happens after this because i want to talk about the sex scene because it's like one of the most upsetting sex scenes i've ever seen in my entire life prequel to the spanglish sex scene but but there's another

thing that happens before that that's even more upsetting but we'll get to that very soon she so she she goes over she's like i need this like i need this in my life she gives him the hard i'm gonna die basically he's into it he's like yeah I need this. Like, I need this in my life. She gives him the hard sell. I'm going to die, basically, if I don't. And he's into it. He's like, yeah, this is what I'm looking for. And basically, like, she goes to Matt. And basically, he's her only guy. He's the only guy. He's the only guy testing.

She calls him. She's like, great news. I'm finally going to make a movie I want. Do I know what you want to talk about? Okay, she goes to his house. Well, first she calls and says, okay, who do you want me to play? Goes, Deeds, of course. Longfellow Deeds.

Well, send me the script. Fuck that. I'm bringing it over right now. Yeah. No, she couriers it over. She goes to the... She comes in person. She comes in person.

Yes, because the craziest... Oh, you're right. Second craziest part of this movie. Number one is the kid only being able to stop crying when a six-year-old holds him number two is drops off the script is so excited about it and then the daughter pulls joely richardson down with herculean strength to her level yeah kisses her square

on the lips and says i love you long period of time and says i love you very weird it doesn't make any sense not not revisited no although no no the time of a five-year-old sexually assaulted a grown woman maybe there's some germ of an idea that brooks has where it's like these are parallel characters because they're like both kind of like hollywood superficial people i don't know her connection to the kid is continually weird the entire time because at some point it's like

maybe the kid actually likes her but then the kid calls her poopy Kathy at one point. Right, because it's like is this now going to become the new mother figure?

There's the earlier scene where Nolte's talking to Jolie Richardson and he goes like so are you just totally wonderful? And it's like okay so they're going to fall in love.

That's clear where this movie's going. There are two people with integrity in an industry that doesn't value it maybe yeah so it's unclear what's happening there and then is the scene where she he he's like i'll come to you after i've read the script right and there's a sign on the door immediately right and there's a sign on the door that's like if you loved it enter if you didn't you know if you didn't love it like knock or something and she enter and he enters yes and she he's like wandering the house and then she runs by fully front full full frontal nudity just totally nude and then and she's like oh i'm trying to figure out how to describe this really yes that's great

because that's he slips it in full frontal nudity. It's brief. It's brief. But it's her dollar. Something's Gotta Give was also PG-13. You can sneak in a comedy flash. No, but I believe. No, you. What? What were you going to say?

You're saying you can see downstairs in this one and not in Something's Gotta Give. It's very brief in both circumstances. You can see downstairs in this one and not in something's got to get. I didn't like pause it or anything. It's very brief in both circumstances. You can see downstairs in this movie. I watched the scene five times. I just had to know. I had to know. How do you know, David?

But also, not just because of the nudity, I could not figure out what she was saying afterwards. So I had to watch it five times. I mistimed it. Until I got the closed captioning on. She said, I mistimed it. I wanted you to see me full frontal. Which I guess what she wanted was I can't tell if she's making a joke to cover up

for being embarrassed, but then the note on the door makes it seem like that was her plan. That she was hoping the second he walked out, she would walk out. And then she puts on a shirt. Right. Like, I think she wants, she's clearly she's like, come over, let's bang bang but can i talk about this insane thing that happens when she pops out the door to say i mistimed it i wanted you to see me feel frontal she's not just popping out an angle it's like she is lying yeah she's very high on the door but she is

a hundred percent horizontal it's very weird fucking 15 feet off the ground. But again, it's like something out of a heightened old-fashioned studio movie almost. Yeah. It's cartoonish. Yeah. So then now she's wearing a shirt and they talk about the script. They're talking about the script and then he's basically like, can I just do this privately? And she's basically like, yeah, let's fuck. Right.

So then she, right. He's like, well, my process. I don't want people seeing me. Yeah. Okay, fine. He is about to well, my process, I don't want people seeing me. Yeah. Okay, fine. He is about to start reading. She, she kiss attacks him. Yeah.

And then they start fucking, but she doesn't want to turn her phone off. I'm a phone person. Yeah. She gets a lot of phone calls. And she gets a lot of phone calls. And his face is so upsetting. The first phone call is a guy saying, look, I know you don't care that much about one month anniversaries, but if you don't want to be with me. So that's like the first clue that like maybe she's a bad person.

They continue fucking while. A guy breaks up with her on the phone. Yeah. What else is there? Someone calls with like gossip, like Rosie O'Donnell, the makeup artist calls with gossip. You won't believe who's gay. Yeah. Yeah.

I can't remember what the other calls are because I'm just like looking at his like sweaty, disgusting face. But then the fourth call is the kindly neighbor. Oh, yes. Because Nick Nolte has left the number with her of Jolie Richardson's house. Yes. It's his daughter on the phone going like, I think this is the wrong number. And he like falls off.

So, right. So they're halfway through sex or whatever and he has to stop or something. Right. Because he promised her he'd do something. He promised me he'd be back in time so we could sing songs or something. Right? I like honestly. This is where I'm just getting sick of this movie.

Like I just turned on this film. Okay. I'm going to ask a very difficult question. Do you think the performance of the daughter in this movie is good? I spent the whole time trying to parse it. It's such a horrible character. It's such a horrible character that the kid was asked to scream. I think it's bad.

I think she's good, but I also think they asked her to be as unpleasant as possible. I think if she was giving a better performance, the character might make more sense. As it is, it's like, okay, she's just evil. Okay. She's a weird kid.

I mean, she's got funny gestures. Yeah, but that would work better with a good performance. That would make more sense. So then I think they go back to his place and she takes out her Mr. Mike and does what is the only remaining musical number. She sings him a song. Which was supposed to turn into a full-blown musical number. In the end credits, you hear the full produced studio version. With Carole King. That's the Carole a song. Which was supposed to turn into a full-blown musical number. In the end credits, you hear the full produced studio version. With Carole King.

That's the Carole King song. Carole King wrote that song. Right. It's the song you open the episode with when everyone turned the episode off. You are the cast. Or whatever. You can't cut everything. I kind of like that song.

I think it's a banger. What's the matter, buddy? I'm sorry. I'm just stressed out. What's going on? Ben, cut this out. I'm just stressed out. What's going on? Ben, cut this out. I mean, cut this out. Yeah.

My dad's having financial problems, but I don't want to talk about this on the show. It's not a thing I want to talk about. We've never talked about it because you've cut it out every time. He's cut it out every time. I mean, so feel free to say whatever you want right now because, Ben, you've cut it out every time, right?

Yeah. Okay, so let's just talk openly. No one on the talk open no one on the show no one who like listens would know this isn't like a callback no it's not a recurring bit it's just a real life situation um i'm sorry to hear about that financial trouble he decided to invest in popsicle sticks yeah that's uh that's a bit of a down industry right he was sort of looking at like futures okay and he thought that was like the next big boom uh-huh and so he has invested 15 million dollars in popsicle stacks i mean look i'm not

gonna tell your dad what's what but i'm just i am gonna say if he's got some debt trouble he could look into light stream light stream yeah i mean you don't need to be an expert to know that consolidating debt into a low fixed rate is gonna save you money no that sounds about right no i'm not an expert and that does sound correct an average interest rates on credit card debt is 17.7 apr and have you looked at your interest rate like you could be spending a lot of money just keeping afloat yeah i mean i am literally i'm spending so much money on sort of uh water wings uh inner tubes just trying to stay afloat all right well let me tell you about lightstream's credit card consolidation loan. Okay.

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at your credit card debt and tries to get it into a, like a lower debt rate. So they look at, at that the same way that like Bob Barker looks at, uh, pets likes it fixed, fixed rates.

And you want to weigh in on this fixed, fixed rates. Uh-huh. Apply today and get an additional interest rate discount on top of Lightstream's already low rates. The only way for my listeners... Well, I mean, that's a little... You're taking a lot of credit there. Our listeners, Ben.

Yeah, come on, Ben, please. My apologies. The only way for our listeners... There we go. Much better. ...to get this special interest rate discount is to go to lightstream.com slash blank. That's lightstream.com slash blank. L-I-G-H-T-S-T-R-E-A-M dot com slash blank. Well, guys, I got to say,

look, I appreciate how knowledgeable you are in this subject. You're really helping a friend out in need. It's a shame that our listeners won't get all this good advice too since we're going to have to cut all this out. No, I just want to, before we cut it all out, they got loans from between $5,000 to $100,000. That's my exact rate I'm looking at. I'm looking at that range of numbers. The whole thing's online. It's really easy to do.

You can choose your funding date. You can see interest rates before you apply. Oh, great. And it's a division of SunTrust Bank, so it's one of the nation's largest and strongest financial institutions. Yeah, I got to just get my dad to stop buying Popsicle sticks, too. All right.

I should mention, though, very quickly, subject to credit approval, okay, rate includes 0.50% auto pay discount. Okay. Available only when you select auto pay prior to loan discount. Okay. Available only when you select auto-pay prior to loan funding. Okay. Terms and conditions apply and offers are subject to change without notice.

Visit lightstream.com for important information about limits on Lightstream loans, same-day funding, and rate beat program. I mean, I don't know why you got so formal there. We're just having a casual conversation.

But I, once again, appreciate the advice. That is true. That is how Ben usually talks off just having a casual conversation, but I, once again, appreciate the advice. That is true. That is how Ben usually talks off mic. And of course, uh, now Ben, uh,

edit point and you cut all of that out, right? What's up? How do you feel about the sex scene? Uh, no, uh, I,

I think I blocked it out. I blocked out most of this movie. Um, cause yeah, this just gets so like all the different kind of plot lines or different storylines. It gets so mixed up. Like, the Albert Brooks stuff. Right. The Brooks stuff is just so sprinkled in. I don't even know what's going on.

I guess he has a relationship with Julie Kavner and they're, like, together for a while. But then he's, but he is getting depressed. But, like, they sort of skip over this whole thing where he's getting depressed about work too because his movies aren't testing well enough but yeah his relationship with Kavner is

the test screening cut to they had sex cut to they have a very serious conversation about the future of their relationship

at a dinner you know what I mean cut to he's really depressed about like just his career and he's sad but he's depressed

about his career in general it's all out of order he's sad. But he's depressed about his career in general. It's all out of order. He's going through, like, a life crisis without any sort of introspection. And she keeps on because she's got this honest curse, like, telling him exactly what's going on. And then he kind of responds glibly and then says something very honest and mean to her. Right. And she hates his honesty.

Right. She's like, why don't you lie more instead of saying mean things to people? Now, let me say some mean things to you. Right. There's the scene at the dinner where he, like, goes to the place where he knows everyone goes, and they have, like, the fucking balcony seat. Yeah. And everyone's eagle-eyed looking to see who walks through the door.

And there's kind of a funny bit where, like, every man abandons his date to run to schmooze and and then she like kind of breaks up with him in front of those other yeah she does break up with him there which makes more sense now that i've realized that i can't lie yes but it's still but i know. That dinner scene is really weird. But then they're like, that woman's amazing. God, I'd love to. This is after, like, the key moment,

which is the test. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yes, it is.

Okay. And then. You got me. Sorry. Is that, I can't remember if this is before or after, but another thing, I just want to read verbatim

because it's such an insane, like, up, up the ass and around the corner brooks exchange yeah when brooks calls her and says want to have a little sex or rather he says want to have a little sex and kavner goes you know i've never hung up on anyone in my life because what if the next thing they said solved everything right but i feel i must end this conversation what that's but that's brooks shit i know but it's also like if you want to make a movie about a person who can't lie if your dream's all brooks and you go i got a great idea for a movie it's liar liar let me beat him to the punch by three years you can't just make that a subplot it's like a sub subplot it's also sort of like as good as it gets yeah right i guess he hones it with as good as it gets right it's sort of like and i it's sort of the germ of that i yeah

and that's just he's an asshole which is also a way to justify someone telling the truth all the time it doesn't have to be a fucking chemical condition also i mean and as good as it gets it's sort of a i mean like he he's he's ocd yeah he has a disability like that's that's sort of a I mean like he's OCD yeah he has a disability like that's sort of what they I mean whatever you're going to talk about right

problematic so Nolte goes in for his screen test and they leave the daughter with Jolie Richardson right

and he's getting made up by Rosie O'Donnell I would say I think this scene is very well observed. This is very accurate to what it feels like to be the actor in the middle of... You're getting ready for this really important moment in your career. And they're just like, oh my god, did you hear about Bloddy Blah?

Right. Because if you're a big-time A-list star, they get kind of quiet around you. But if you're a Griffin Newman level, just get him in and out as quickly as possible there's so much more concerned with their conversation right and it's always

gossip shit like that you always get the best shit from hair and makeup people right and Rosie Rosie's weirdly good casting for this

she is but she was kind of famous at this point right this is like a cameo right sort of I guess so

Flintstones is the next year she's been in Sleepless in Seattle already. So he goes in and does the test. Well, Jolie Richardson comes in and goes, here's my tip. You're going to be great. What they need is sexy. Okay.

That's the thing they're looking for. Mr. Deeds. And I've like gotten notes like that when I'm going in for callbacks. Now, it's never sexy because if they're looking for sexy, they haven't even called me in in the first place, right? But they'll say things like, hey, you know, so they're bringing you back in to meet with the director. This is the note we got. The thing to work on is

the vulnerability. Or the thing to work on is, here's the one element. And to say sexy is like, that's kind of a well-perceived moment because that's one of those things that like, they will say to you when you're an actor that gets so in your fucking head where you're like how do i be sexier right and then what does him in in the test screening review is that they brooks keeps basically saying like would you fuck this guy right so this is like a this is a scene that plays really weirdly in 2018

as many as many in the rest of this movie do but like basically there's a scene and then the they go and they're like would you fuck her like and people are like yeah I'd fuck her yeah I'd fuck her and they're like

what about her the woman who's in the test who was just supposed to be reading with him and they're like she's pretty good you'd fuck her right you'd fuck her

and they go what about him and they're like not really not really not really and Julie Richardson's like shouldn't it be about

more than this no but also the, yeah. Albert Brooks has this big thing about like, yeah, Albert Brooks has this big thing about it's like it's, would you go to bed with him or wouldn't? And you're like, sort of like, you should say that you fucked him. But I think she doesn't want to because it'll look unprofessional.

Yeah, it's an awful scene. No, it's, but I mean, yeah, I mean, I don't mean she should have said that, but that's sort of what you're thinking. And Vicki Lewis says like, maybe five years ago, and it's like, I don't mean she should have said that, but that's sort of what you're thinking. But that's what the scene's about. And Vicky Lewis says like maybe five years ago and it's like... She doesn't want to embarrass herself

by admitting it all of a sudden. You want people to sex this man alive two years ago. But it's not... Yeah, well, that's true. So then...

This is the end of his career. Right. Concurrently... But that's it. But that's the thing. I just want to say there's like 40 minutes left of the movie,

but that's the end of Nick Nolte's plot. He's not even trying anymore. Yeah. He stops trying to be an actor because the But that's the thing. I just want to say there's like 40 minutes left of the movie, but that's the end of Nick Nolte's plot. He's not even flying anymore. Yeah. He stops trying to be an actor because the kid takes over the movie. He gets a job at the end of the movie in the Oliver Stone thing, but it's like an afterthought. It's the same movie. It's not like he's-

Oh, right. Oliver Stone's going to make the movie now. It's an afterthought because the kid gets cast in a sitcom. And he's, quote unquote, the crippled doctor, right? What did they say? The crippled- The crippled. The crippled.

Best part in the movie. Yeah. The kid, because the kid is walking around with Julia Richardson and. It's such a star. Everyone is. She does something where she's like, should I say it like this or like this? And then somebody sees her and is like, oh, get it. So then she gets a role.

Put her in the foster kid sitcom. She doesn't have to. She just like tests. She gets it. Gets the offer. Gets the offer. Gets the offer. Right. And then the movie is like

30 to 40 minutes of him coaching her on how to act. Yeah. Because she's worried about whether or not she can cry. But she's awful.

Like, this is where she takes over the movie and she's awful. This is why I'm saying she's bad. Yeah. And it's like, it's unclear whether-

Like, you can't stand her. No, you cannot. It's unclear whether he believes, like, it's sort of supposed to be the turn where it's like this makes her a better person ultimately like ultimately it's like being cast in the show makes her a better daughter and then i guess so which that's a weird lesson to learn

right exactly no that's what i mean it's like it helps her connect with her dad it helps her connect with her dad which is like okay like literally putting the child to work helps her. Also, it's like he has the correct response when she's cast, which is like, kid actors are terrible. You don't want to do this. No good, don't do it. And then he just supports her in doing it anyway, even though she's not really prepared for it. She's not really good at it. She's like, do I have to learn to read too?

She's stressed out by it. But she does that song about how she's going to make so much money and she wants all the money and she's like fucking waving it in her dad's face. And then there's this weird scene where Jolie Richardson invites him back to her place to have sex, but they take their

own cars, but they're talking over the car phones while driving around the canyons, right? Yeah, it's very dangerous. And she confesses her test the car phones while driving around the canyons, right? Yes, very dangerous. And she confesses her test screening mistake. While he's in the car behind her that she folded on him. Right, and so he turns

around dramatically. And he's over it. He's like very, at the beginning goes like, look, I'm totally fine with the test thing. That's in the past. I'm happy with my life. He goes, look, I should admit to you, I kind of folded on you at the end. And she doesn't do it in like a horrible way. She's like, you know, I should admit to you. I kind of folded on you at the end. And she doesn't do it in a horrible way. She's like, you know, I've talked to you about my problems with this.

They asked me if you were sexy and I said you weren't. And he loses his mind. He just collapses. But then the truly horrible scene is their later confrontation. The thing where it's like she has shifted in this movie from kind of happy happy-go-lucky romantic lead to like a monster like a hollywood poison

person like so okay so it happens all off screen they're shooting the pilot yes they're shooting the pilot um it's she's back as they do on multi-camera sitcoms and they are inviting the kids out to take vows and the kids like my bow is great you're gonna love my bow right he has to see her i'm not being sarcastic they do actually do this and it's really weird yeah yeah that's especially for pilots they make people applaud actors they haven't seen yet right yeah right the idea of this scene is she's coming to nolte with the new the oliver stone news yeah and this is like she does have good news for him but this is like the oh i can't miss my daughter's ballet recital moment. But I hate it.

It just comes on us for no reason, out of nowhere. She's like, Oliver Stone is making this movie and like, he wants you in it. He wants you. And he's like,

fine, I don't care. And he's like, I don't care, blah, blah, blah. And basically,

it's suddenly like, she is a manipulative bitch that only cares about her work and can't understand. Where she'd been like, taking care of the child, basically. Right.

Do you not realize what a big opportunity this is? And he goes, look, I promised her I wouldn't miss a moment. And she goes, my dad missed everything and look at me, I'm fine.

It's like, as of this scene, apparently you're not. Suddenly you're not. Yep. And then, and then he misses the bow. He misses the bow

and he flips out. Misses the bow, flips out, but then he is there for the big scene. But then Julie Kavner walks in and is like basically to to joey you're not yeah you're not good enough for him you're a bitch basically right which makes she says right right what's wrong and she's like it's fine it's fine he's just way better than you like you're not good enough for him okay so now it's part of her truth-telling disease. The most insane scene

in the history of film. Her words are Brooks' words. You know what I mean? Like, anytime Julie Kavner speaks, it's like... She's the voice of reason. Right, exactly. Is James L. Brooks implying

that his brain is only the result of a bad prescription? I don't know. I'm just saying, like... The craziest scene... Yes. ...in the history of cinema. This is what we needed to talk about.

A lot of the sitcom is... This is the end of the movie. Yeah. And Ben, I know we need to wrap up. Don't worry what we needed to talk about a lot of the sitcom this is the end of the movie yeah and ben i know we need to wrap up don't worry we'll only talk about the scene for two hours the plot of the sitcom is mixed race foster parents a lot of kids handful like 20 it's called like rainbow kids rainbow house yes right yes i think you're right uh black mother white father. There's that aside where the black actress is like, you want me to do a Jack A?

Like sort of like, you know, is basically making fun of them for asking her to ham it up. They're like, yeah, but no, but yeah. It's like so uncomfortable.

And they keep on, the sitcom looks so broad and so hammy. They keep on talking about this crying scene she has to do and you're like, where would a crying scene

fit into the pilot of this show? This is shoot i have no idea what it is right in this in this sitcom like what is it especially multi-camera sitcoms try to avoid emotional scenes as much as possible they would do one very special episode every other season maybe maybe in the pilot though but yeah it's sort of like uh it's sort of like a fax-a-life type uh i don't know right so they're like grilling her on why she's been acting out so much and she's rocking back and forth on this like there's like a long it's just like too much pause you think she's forgotten the line it looks like to me a botched scene yes but then she says the line right and she's saying the other kids make fun of me because I'm not black, right?

I guess so. No, she says a worse word than black. Oh, yes. Not the worst word. Colored. Okay, there you go. Right. And everyone in the audience is like, but they're not shocked because of the word.

They're like, oh. Yeah, she doesn't get it. Right. I don't know. And then the white guy says something like. The white guy says, like, you don't say colored, you say black. And the black lady says, you don't say black, you say African-American. And the whole audience laughs.

Gales of laughter. And, like, we see that the audience is mostly black. And I don't know what's going on in this scene. And it's all out of nowhere. And then there's a long pause because she's supposed to cry now. Right. She's supposed to cry now and there's a long pause. And the mom says, African-American, can you use it in a sentence? Oh, cry now. Right. She's supposed to cry now and she has a long pause and everyone's like...

And the mom says, African American, can you use it in a sentence? Oh, I forgot. Yeah. That's the setup. That's the setup for her great line. The term is African American,

can you use it in a sentence? And you go, what fucking sitcom is this? It holds on her for like two minutes of silence. What's the sentence? The sentence is tears in her eyes.

Yes. Her beloved father's gotten it out of her. She says, I love an African-American. So weird. And the whole audience goes like, aw. And her black foster mother in return says. Gives her a big hug. Oh, what did she say?

I love a redneck girl. Yeah. No, and she's supposed to run and hug the foster mother. Yeah. But instead she runs and hugs Nick Nolte. Which is weird too. Which is weird too. And then she says to him, I was thinking of you.

No, I know. I was thinking if they take you away from me. So suddenly they like each other. She still sucks. Yeah. He's figured it out like a little bit, but she sucks. Here's why this scene is insane. And she's only going to get worse.

She's in a sitcom. The actual just like facts of it. They could have made the scene in the sitcom literally anything. Because the whole point is for her to succeed. She just needs to cry and hug her dad. She has to make herself cry whether or not the thing makes her sad. So it could be a fake Bruce Lee. I think Brooks has a bean in his bonnet about these kinds of patronizing sitcoms.

Like he's trying to do satire. It's just terrible. Right, exactly. He's trying to make a point. But it's weird. Yeah, but it's weird that, like, out of context. I just saw what's in the box office. Oh, my God.

Okay. Sorry. Go on, please. Yeah, they don't make the, it doesn't make, the context doesn't work. Yes. And it doesn't make sense. It could be something about a make sense it could be something about a dad it could be something it's just it's it's flabbergasting it's it's insane because yes

it could have been literally anything you even didn't need to show the preamble you could just have nick nolte go oh my god this is the moment and then the camera zooms in on her yeah um so we have this whole thing it's insane and it seems like he's trying to do satire of something but it's not working i I love an African American. That's in the movie. Well, then they have this like party afterwards and he has the conversation

with Albert Brooks where he tells him, look, Stone said you can have any part you want and he goes, I'd love one of the leads. Right, and he's like, no, he wants you

for the crippled doctor best part in the movie. Well, before that, he laughs more than anyone has ever laughed at any joke. Uh-huh. He gives Nick Nolte the Irving Thalberg Award for comedy points. And then goes, you have the crippled doctor.

He goes, best part in the picture. And then he walks away and that's the end of the fucking movie. He'll do anything. He's like, she shows him her bow. Right. Finally. Right. And then at the end of the movie, over the end credits, they do a full grand orchestra version of You Are the Best.

You are the best. you are the best you are you are the best so you know what sucks this should have been the weird aberration misstep in his career that he then like totally recovered from which he does in the next movie not as strongly as his first two films but like certainly in terms of court of public opinion he gets back on track in terms of how it's aged since then mezzo mezzo and then he just goes even further afield like it's insane how much he fully lost it the plot you know yeah the thread well i mean what's weird about this too is that he like he has an excuse for missing the plot in this movie because of the big swing because he the attempt to make a musical. And then the recovery.

Why does How Do You Know also feel like a musical that had the songs cut out of it? You know, like, they all have this weird air to them and they're all caught up in really unsympathetic lives. I want to apologize because i clicked on the box office and box office was directed to be the wrong week and blank check was in the top five and i was really excited they weirdly often will link you to the second week when you click on the first one but okay this movie actually came out the week before blank check okay that's all that

would have been great it came out february 4th how would you have clued me i have no idea okay i was trying to figure it out it came out fe February 4th, 1994. My mother's birthday! That's the day my mother was born, literally. Box office winner. That's my mother's birthday. But also, February 4th? Come on. No hope for this movie, right?

This studio is dumping it. Excuse me? Would you say that to my mother? She was top of the box office. Number one. I love my white mother. Number one at the box office. Is a comedy that launched a movie star.

I was there opening weekend. Is it a Carrie? Yes. Because this was his big year. So it's Ace Ventura? Ace Ventura, Pet Detective. Yeah. $12.1 million opening weekend.

Basically makes its budget back immediately the craziest year any movie star has ever had because uh the mask and dumb and all that year right weird and it was like he got paid like 250 000 for ventura he got paid like 2 million for the mask and then dumb and dumber didn't start production until after ventura came out and he got paid like 12 million like he became an A-list movie star over the course of a year

number two at the box office stars another comedy star might be their biggest movie ever interesting so this is kind of their

peak it's their peak right Ben for sure yeah certainly their peak is like a family comedy star

is it like he'd been around for. Certainly their peak is like a family comedy star. Is it? Like he'd been around for a while, but this is like... It's super quotable. It's super quotable. For you? Interesting. For you. What's like a quote you like from this movie?

Yeah, give me one quote you like from this movie. Let's use that as a hint. Oh, give it away. Yeah, but it would be funny to hear you quote the movie. I can only think of one. Okay, then say it. But it's totally going to give it away. Does it star a former SNL?

How did he not get it from that? Griffin's eyes flash with panic. Is it a former SNL star? No. Is it Mrs. Doubtfire? Correct. Okay. Hello!

Because you said quotable and I was like the only quote I can think of is hello. Yeah. Oh boy. What if we'd said quote something

from the movie and Ben had just sung dude looks like a lady. Like what's another quote of that movie? I'm Mrs. Doubtfire. I'm Mrs. Doubtfire. Hello.

One of the biggest movies of all time. At the time of its release, it was like number eight, period. Huge movie. In history. Yeah, okay. Number three is a very serious

Oscar drama. There's a lot of Oscar leftovers here. Sure, sure. It was an Oscar winner in an acting category in the previous year. I guess it hasn't won its Oscar yet. 93. Which category did it win in? Best Actor.

Won Best Actor. You know, Esther, we won Best Actor in 1993. In 1993. No? Three. I'm really bad at like remembering years remembering years did it only win best actor i believe it also won best song i think i'm right about that but it was not a musical no what is was it correct about was it

a seussical no was it Was it Philadelphia? Yes. Oh. Streets of Philadelphia. I was about to launch into Streets of Philadelphia, and I realized we don't have the time for that. Number four is a comedy starring Katherine Heigl. Not Without My Father? Or My Father the Hero? There you go. I just thought that it's interesting.

Yeah, that's a creepy fucking movie. That there was a 1994 comedy starring, yep. And Gerard Defergiu, of course. Yeah. Hollywood had a bad run in the 90s of being paired up in two-handers with mega creeps. And then number five is I'll Do Anything. Yeah, not a good opening. And you got Schindler's List.

You got Grumpy Old Men. Lemon and Matthau. A barn burner. And Margaret, right? And that's one that grew because I think that was one where it didn't open huge and then just kept on fucking trucking.

It's doing okay. It's made 54 in seven weeks. Gets up to 100, I think. No, no. 70. 70, pretty good. You got Pelican Brief. You got some movies I've never heard of.

Well, I'll say this movie made me hate the industry I'm in even more. Sure. I felt weirdly disgusted while watching it. Especially when it gets to the child actor stuff. Yeah, the child actor stuff is really, I mean, there are many upsetting things in this movie. But that's also a weirdly upsetting way to end it. That it's like, this kid's going to be okay because she's on a sitcom. She's in a sitcom.

I don't understand. It feels like the end of Showgirls. It's like, this is going to be it. That it's like, this kid's going to be okay because she's on a sitcom. She's in a sitcom? I don't understand. It feels like the end of Showgirls. It's like, this is going to be bad. It's like he got money from his kid. That's why he can be secure.

Now he's going to be living off his kid? And she's already fucked up. Like, this isn't going to help her. She's never going to learn to read. She needs boundaries.

We're done. But I do think that's Brooks' thing where he's like, yeah, it's a cynical industry, right? Like he's trying to do like a happy sad.

It's a cynical world of fumes. It doesn't. The cynical element of it doesn't register at all. No, it doesn't. No. You can do anything. You're the next. I once interviewed James L. Brooks.

For the Edge of 17, right? What? Can you, Jim? Yeah. Was he nice? He was really nice. He seems like such a nice guy. Yeah, he was a nice guy.

Was he still like with it? Yeah, he was still with it. Yeah, he's pretty old, but he was still with it. It was like, yeah, it was a Toronto last year for Edge of 17. Such a nice guy. Yeah, he was a nice guy. Was he still like with it? Yeah, he was still with it. Yeah, he's pretty old but he was still with it. It was like, yeah, it was at Toronto last year for Edge of Seventeen. Such a good movie. Yeah, I didn't,

like he didn't say anything that was like relevant to this podcast so I didn't know how to sneak it in but yeah, he was, he was very nice. He actually,

I sort of fucked it up because he gave me like something that like, they were doing this VR thing with the Simpsons that like hadn't been announced yet and I was like,

oh cool, can I break that? And oh, I don't know if I should say this on the air. And I was like, oh, cool. Can I break that? And, oh, I don't know if I should say this on the air. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. We can cut out later.

No, I can't. I don't think I can, but I'll tell you it off air. It's really funny, though. Great. So have fun, listeners not ever hearing that story. David and I are going to brag on Twitter. It goes on the pie with the Brendan Fraser story. Well, never tell it on mine.

Yep. Yep. The shorts version of it, it was like he was going to call me to ask me questions about something. Okay. Well, never tell it on mine. Yep. Yep. The shorts version of it, it was like he was going to call me to ask me questions about something. Okay. But he never did. Sure.

I'm going to say something crazy right now. I know something so fucking juicy that is so relevant to this podcast that I've not even told anyone that I know. And several months from now, you're going to lose your mind that I was sitting on this. Tell me now.

I cannot tell you. Is it horrifying? It's good. Okay, it's good. Oh, it's a good thing. It's a good thing. I cannot tell you. Why can't you tell me? 100% sworn to secrecy. I was told by someone who was like, I have told two people in the world. Fine, fine, whatever.

You're going to lose your mind when you know that I knew this. Alright, alright. That's definitely it. And always, and as always. Rate. That's definitely it. And always. And as always. Rate, review, and subscribe. I'll probably be able to reveal it a couple weeks after this episode comes out. Okay, fine.

Rate, review, subscribe. Esther, thank you so much for being on the show. Thank you for having me. Easy writes on Twitter. You're the best, Esther. Thank you so much for being on the show.

Thanks for putting up with me when I... You can do anything. Thanks for putting up with me. And we make a really good joke about you two episodes from now. So tune in. Oh my God.

Do we? Yeah, we still remind you what it is off mic. I just don't want to sell out. That's fine. That's fine. Blankies.red.com. Thanks to Andrew for social media. Joe Bowen and Pat Reynolds for artwork.

Lee Montgomery for our theme song. And thank you to our sponsors uh dollar shave club beach body and light stream and as always folks this is griffin from the future oh my god interrupting the episode with a breaking announcement at the time we recorded this episode, we thought the musical version of I'll Do Anything was unwatchable. And we found out it was. But we know it now from experience because folks, thanks to Blanky Jake McKay,

we have gotten our hands on a copy of it. So coming this Thursday, a bonus episode. We're bringing back Esther Zuckerman and we're discussing the musical version of I'll Do Anything, the first movie since The Force Awakens to get two episodes. That is sadly true. I have a question, Future Griffin.

Yeah. How does the episode go for me? I don't like nothing weird comes up. I don't like kill myself or anything. No, you do. You are miserable. Yeah, there's a lot going on in that myself or anything. No, you do. You are miserable. Yeah, I don't... There's a lot going on in that app.

Put it this way. We were going to record for 10 minutes and I think we went for an hour? Yeah, you're not happy. Okay, that makes sense. Yeah, it sounds really plausible, right? Oh, for sure. Okay, cool. I mean, I'm pretty much up to my wit's end. Yeah, you've had it up to here with us. Imagine how you feel four months later where I'm coming from.

Oh, yeah, I can see it now. Yeah uh so folks stay tuned check that feed i'll do anything the musical edition above a bonus episode