Blank Check with Griffin & David - Jupiter Ascending

Episode Date: May 27, 2016

This week Griffin and David discuss the Wachowski’s most recent theatrical release, 2015’s intergalactic sci-fi, Jupiter Ascending. What is the Wachowski’s latest innovation in this film? Why make the very attractive Channing Tatum look like a dog? Is the original universe in this story at all logical? Listen along as they discuss space rollerblades, the parallel with Alice in Wonderland, Terry Gilliam’s costuming and Eddie Redmayne’s outstanding performance as the whispering villain Balem Abrasax. Plus, Griffin talks the Tick, box office stats and a reading from a listener submitted book report covering M. Night Shyamalan’s novel on the American education system.

your majesty i have more in common with a podcast than i have with you i love podcasts i've always loved podcasts. Oh! Oh! Hello, everybody. Welcome! To this podcast. I hope you love podcasts. I hope you've always loved podcasts. Yes.

My name's Griffin Newman. David Sim. This is a podcast. It's called Blank Check with Griffin and David. Now comes a colon. Colon ascending. The Podchowski casters. My colon's ascending into my body deeper and deeper. Because this is a miniseries we're doing.

We're starting to hit the end of this miniseries. It's called the Podchowski casters. Making a sad face. I mean, David was trying to make a sad face, but it just looked like Donald Duckbeak. He was making a duck face. He stuck his lips out. It was trying to be a pal, but it just looked like he was trying to kiss somebody. Yes.

And this is a movie about kissing. In a way, it has a kiss. I don't know. It has like a kiss or two. Yeah, I'm really exhausted. Tired. A lot of times when we do this podcast, I say that I'm tired because I didn't sleep well the night before. I'm tired because I wrapped the TV show.

What's this now? The Tick. Explain. Le Tick. That's the French title? Yeah. Le Tick. We stocked up those episodes in advance advance so you haven't missed a week

but this is our first time recording in three weeks dude dude it's been so long since I've seen Griffin Newman it's actually crazy

I've missed him a lot absence makes the heart grow fonder yep but yeah in the time in between our Cloud Atlas episode and our Jupiter Ascending episode

today you made the tick I made the tick I made a pilot pilot will go online in August cool anyone can watch it. Prime membership or no. Oh, the pilots are for everybody? I believe it's for everyone. I think you're right. And then they'll see if people like it, and if so,

we get to make more of it. So, you know, keep your eyes open on the Amazon homepage. They've got some good deals coming up on toilet paper, but also in August, there'll be a pilot. Yeah, I recently bought some pantry moth traps from Amazon Prime, and they appear to be working. Preparing for my role as Arthur, the man in the moth suit. Very good point. That's what it was

all about. Not my pantry moth infestation. Tie-in. Promotional tie-in. Finish the show. Good. How'd it go? I think it's really good.

I'm holding a microphone up to you. Yeah. Even though you're talking into a microphone. I think it's going to be good. Great. We worked real hard. You know, I tried to constantly step out of my head and just sort of view it as like, you're a Tick fan.

What would you want to see from this show right now and both make my decisions based on that not based on like what I think the people want to see but based on what I would want to see as a fan of this property because that's all I can fucking do is make the show that I would want to see but I would also sort of try to look at the show

surrounding me and be like yeah I think this is the show that I would want to see as a fan that I do want to see as a fan, that I do want to see as a fan. You know, I have some problems with the guy that cast as Arthur. It's going to be hard for me to watch it because I'm not a big fan of Griffin Newman. Nope. Sounds like I'm making a joke. I'm not.

No, I get it. You don't want to watch yourself on screen. It freaks you out. Terrible. Terrible. I'm my least favorite actor. But I think the show's really good. Peter Serafanowicz is in it.

Killed it. People are gonna fucking come when they hear his voice and see him in the suit and everything. It's like, it's really dead on. I've seen pictures of you in your super suit. I showed you pictures. Top secret. Top secret. I'll say this. There was a moment when I was in the suit

and I was like looking in the mirror on set, like not even in my, but like with the lights on me and everything on set, but in the scene I'm looking at myself in the mirror. I get you. And I had the helmet with sort of the antenna and the goggles and everything in my hand. I was holding it under my arm and I was like, I kind of look like Speed Racer right now. Nah. It had a sort of Speed Racer-y vibe, the jumpsuit.

I rewatched Speed Racer while you were I did, I bought it on Blu-ray and re-watched it I did too, I haven't watched it yet you buy it from Amazon? I don't want to promote this company but yeah, Tick is finished do you think you could talk Amazon into just hosting this podcast

into turning it into an Amazon empire yeah make it part of Prime seriously, honestly, you joke Amazon into just hosting this podcast? Into turning it into an Amazon empire? Yeah. Just like. Make it part of Prime? Yeah. Yeah. Seriously, honestly, you joke. I'm getting my fucking hooks in with them because they got so much money to spend.

I'm going to start pitching them anything. I'm going to start pitching Kindle singles. What about that merch we've been trying to get to? Yeah. Just have a merch section. Exclusive provider. You know what? This is all well and good.

This is all fun and games. Yeah. But we do have to talk about the film Jupiter Ascending. Yeah, I just thought, you know, first episode back. No, it's on my list. I want to acknowledge that I'm done with the tick. It's on my list. We got it through.

Talking about the tick. Should I put a tick next to it? Yeah, please do. Very proud of it. Going up in August, I think you'll probably see some stuff coming out sooner rather than later. Oh, yeah? A little bit of footage? I don't know. You want later oh yeah i'm in the process of footage i don't know i you want to hear the worst uh task in the world my current thing i need to get done

by the end of this week is they sent me a file of like 500 photos and i have to go through all of them and approve yeah or reject them oh my god um but they're like from a photo shoot of like me and my wardrobe so it was like every five seconds they were like, try this. What if it was one hand? What if you're looking out to the left? To the right. You actually have to serve as an editor. Like these are not screened. No, not at all.

And some of the photos are clearly me being like, can you say that one more time? And I'm like, my eyes are closed and I'm like leaning forward to try to hear what they're saying. Terrible. I hate it. I do 10 at a time and then I have a panic attack.

What's Peter Serafanowicz really like? Great. Lovely. British. What about Jackie Earl Haley? Did you deal with him much? Gentleman Haley you're talking about? Sure.

Gentleman Jackie? Gentleman Jack. He's, I don't. Saucy Jack. This isn't a spoiler. I don't have any scenes with him. Yeah. I think you mentioned that to me.

He interfaces with the younger version of myself. The baby version, yeah. He's in like a flashback, an extended flashback. And then the sort of setup is as the season goes on, I would try to build towards the reunion, the second meeting of him, where I am out for vengeance. Great actor. Cool.

Super terrifying. Cool. Very nice. I mean, he's just like, oh, hey, how's it going? And then they go like, and actually he goes like, I will destroy you. Cool. And he like looks like a mummy. They got this makeup on him.

I saw the set photos. Yeah, if you want to see photos of something, they were filming outdoors in McCarran Park and the paparazzi came out and it was all over daily news and stuff. You can find the photos online. Did you ask director Wally Pfister, who directed the pilot of The Tick, but also the film Transcendence? Yes. If he had any stories about Johnny Depp's appearance in M. Night Shyamalan, The Buried Secret of M. Night Shyamalan?

I did not. Damn it. Griffin, you had one thing to do. And for that, I say to our listeners, I am sorry. I have failed you. You ever say, hey, Wally, what's Johnny Depp like? And he's like, oh, you know, Johnny Depp's a nice guy. I'm like, so here's my question, Wally.

Yeah. Why was he in The Buried Secret of M. Night Shyamalan? Great question. All right. Wally did show me a picture of him playing guitar with Johnny Depp and Paul McCartney. Pretty cool. Yeah. Do you think that picture is starred in his photo album?

Oh, it definitely was. Because it was from a couple years ago and he pulled it up real fast. I showed him the picture and I said, Wally, that's very cool. Can we shoot? Can we shoot the scene now? I'm tired. Did Paul McCartney

write a song, an original song for Transcendence that was rejected by Wally Pfister for inclusion in the film? Yeah, of course, yeah. Called We Are All Computers.

Yeah, that was the title. Yeah. Cuckoo Show. Called I'm Married to a Computer Zombie. Yeah. What a weird movie. Yeah.

Get your phone away from that fucking speaker. I know, the fucking thing. Okay, talked about the tick. Wore out everyone's patience for that. Tick, tick. Checked off. Oh, here's a little bit of housekeeping that connects to that.

From the corrections department, got an email or tweet, rather, correcting our pronunciation of the name of the third director of Cloud Atlas, which we said was Tom Tveiker. Tveiker, Tveiker. Guess what it is? What? Tom Tickver. Tickver. Yeah, well, you know.

Tick, tick, tick, tick. Oh, I see what you're saying here. That was the correction. He was like, I think it was Pat Reynolds maybe, tweeted and was like, you of all people should know this. Cool. Great.

Done talking about that. Any other housekeeping? Housekeeping? We got a book report. We're going to read that at the end of the episode. We'll do a Berg Housekeeping? We got a book report. We're going to read that at the end of the episode. We'll do a Berg report. We'll do a Berg report. Here's one more thing I want to do at the top of the show

before we get into the movie. That's kind of what I was asking. Yes. Jesus Christ. We have this film, Jupiter Ascending, the most recently released theatrical motion picture from the Wachowskis. We have Sense8. David's making

his pouty face again. This time it actually looked pouty. He nailed it this time. Then we have Sense8, their Netflix series. Yeah, and then we're going to do a bonus episode on the Animatrix and sort of the Matrix appendix sort of stuff. Yeah. Then we're done. Book closed.

Wachowskis, put them on the shelf for now. Sad face. Yeah. I feel like with the directors we've covered, when they have a new filmkis, put them on the shelf for now. Sad face. I feel like with the directors we've covered, when they have a new film come out, we'll do a one-off. Like, we have to. Keep up with them. I'm waiting. Yeah, we're just waiting.

Are they going to make another movie in a while? I hope so. But Shyamalan's in production. I mean, I think when... Yeah, no, no. What's that film called? Switch? Split?

Split, yeah. When Split comes out, we'll do a one-off. A palate cleanser. A Sherbet. Which is a great character in the film The Matrix. God, Switch, though. Not like this. No, not like this.

Switch, though. APOC. What does that mean? Tank. Dozer. Cypher. I miss them. I miss them all.

They're good friends. I already miss them. That's why we're doing the Animatrix episode, because I want an excuse to go back into that world. Switch prequel. Yeah. Okay. Matrix Origins Switch. Switch, though. they're good friends I already miss them that's why we're doing the Animatrix episode because I want an excuse to go back into that world Switch prequel yeah okay Matrix Origins Switch

Switch though okay so so this miniseries is almost done put it on the shelf time for a new miniseries and just to clarify because we did a bad job

setting up the show this show is based on a miniseries where we go through director's I hope you're not listening first to the Jupiter Ascending

episode and then try to look at post blank check what movies they make after they've had massive success early on. We need, it's time for a new miniseries. We need a new subject. And like, you know, honestly, when we were doing our George Lucas stuff, we already had Shyamalan and Wachowskis in the chamber. We had that planned for a long time. Ever since then, we basically just batted a lot of

names around and we've never been able to settle on one so we have we have four finalists we have four finalists okay right yeah we have four finalists i mean we have a couple more we're gonna save them for the next four finalists yeah there's others in the hopper right yeah uh they're still in the barrel you know we're like a whiskey distillery yes and they're still in the barrel. You know, we're like a whiskey distillery. Yes. And they're still like aging. They're aging. And here's another thing with those ones, not to give any spoilers, but they have qualifiers. Yeah, it's more like we're trying to squeeze them into this weird premise we have of like directors whom Hollywood writes blank checks to.

And it's like directors in a certain period. We wouldn't cover the entire filmography. Oh, I see what you're saying. Two of them, I think, fall into that, who are not going to be part of this poll. Well, all right. Well, give cover the entire filmography. Oh, I see what you're saying. Two of them, I think, fall into that. Who are not going to be part of this poll. Well, give me the four names. The four names for this poll are... Cameron Crowe. Cameron Crowe.

Now, I think he would be fun. We can sort of advocate for any of these guys, but he'd be fun because he's a little different. Not a genre director. Genre-wise, exactly. More of a sort of comedy, sort of like contemporary comedy romance type guy. Yeah. We love ending these main series on sort of a sense of redemption and hope of what comes

next. He has his series Roadies premiering over the summer. So we would sort of dovetail in with that nicely. Yeah. I mean, sure. Maybe. Who knows? But I like This idea of maybe. Maybe. I mean, who knows?

But I like the idea of a possibility. But I think Cameron Crows is also, like, his blank check movie, I don't know if you want to say it, say anything, or Jerry Maguire. I don't know which one it actually is. He kind of had a couple. But he became a guy who could do anything he wanted, and he bought a zoo. He bought a zoo.

And then he cast Emma Stone as an Asian woman. He's done a lot of things. Yeah, I think it'd be a great one to talk about. A lot of stuff in there. Good movies and bad movies. Yeah, and it's a perfect number of films, too. Yeah, it's a nice size. Okay, Cameron Crowe.

See if you can make sense of the chain I'm doing here on these films, okay? Cameron Crowe. Next name, James Cameron. There's a similar name in there yes they share a common name jimmy cameron so i feel like james cameron's an obvious blank check guy because he almost never makes movies whenever he does they are multi-billion dollar spectaculars yeah he's just a blank check guy who's every he's never bounced a check he's never bounced

that's the difference with him yeah he keeps crazier, and it keeps working out for him. Yes. And by the way, I was discussing this with friend of the show, Katie Rich. If we do him, we have to do a Ghosts from the Abyss episode. Oh, no question. No question. Ghosts from the Abyss, and what's the other one called? Secrets of the Deep?

I don't know if we have to do that one. They're both, I looked it up, they're both like 45 minutes long. Great. So we do them as one episode. Well, we have to rent out an empty IMAX theater to watch them in. Yes, correct. Okay, I agree with you. Yes.

But Jimmy Cameron, also perfect number of films. Yeah, so we're going to need several thousand dollars from our fans to rent the IMAX theater, just FYI. We'll start a Patron. So a lot of people wanted us to do James Cameron because they want us to, they want to be on the James Cameron episode. Yeah. But like when we talk to our friends about this.

Everyone wants to be on the Titanic episode. Yeah, But like when we talk to our friends about this. Everyone wants to be on the Titanic episode. Yeah, Titanic's very hot, you know. But I think, you know, he'd be obvious. He'd be so much fun. And plus we'd have to watch

Piranha 2 The Spawning. Yeah, now there's no question we'd do them at some point. The question is now. We've always sort of had some sense of maybe wait a little bit, but if the listeners want it now,

we'll do it now. Guys, don't worry. Like if we don't do it now, we'll do it later. All four of these people we're going to do at some point. We're asking you to pick which one we do next. Number three is, keeping the chain going, Catherine Bigelow.

Okay. Okay? His ex-wife. Ex-wife of James Cameron. Yeah, she's the toughest because she has not gotten a blank check from Hollywood in a long time. She has. I think she's gotten two. Yeah, Strange Days and K-19.

Those are your two. No, I think Zero Dark Thirty is a blank check movie. Yeah, I guess so. How much did it cost? It doesn't matter. We'll get into that. It cost a lot. It made a lot. Fascinating career. Fascinating career, but someone who's had to scrape and fight for her films at times. And I think that's sort of

what that series would be about. K-19 is a blank check movie. It's a Russian submarine movie. It cost like $120 million. But I think that was her for hire. You know what I'm saying? That wasn't her passion project. That's what I'm saying. They gave her a big check. We would have to watch K-19,

The Widowmaker. I mean, this is the other thing. I'm fascinated by it. I've only seen like half of her movies, so it'd be interesting to explore half of them. I haven't seen,

what's the one with Jamie Lee Curtis? Blue Steel, I think it's called, or something like that. Right? I haven't seen that. I haven't seen K-19. I haven't seen The Way to Water.

I embarrassingly have never seen Near Dark. Oh, Near Dark's amazing. Anyway, she'd be-19. I haven't seen The Way to Water. I embarrassingly have never seen Near Dark. Oh, Near Dark's amazing. Anyway, she'd be fun. She'd be fun. She'd be different. Yes. And we'd look at sort of the difference of, like, you know, a woman, you know, fighting,

you know, for these sort of chances. Wait, she's a woman? She's a lady. Oh, she's off the list. She won an Oscar. No, but, you know, Hollywood isn't so quick to give out something. All these guys have Oscars, by the way. Cameron Crowe, James Cameron,

Catherine Bigelow. They're all Oscar winners. Interesting. They're Oscar winners. We've never covered an Oscar winner. George Lucas doesn't have an Oscar unless you count that dirty Thalberg award. M. Night hasn't gotten an Oscar. The Wachowskis have no Oscars. Nope. Okay, so if you want an Oscar

winner, pick one of those three. Because the next one has not even been nominated in a tragic shame. And that's if you want that. If you want someone who's still fucking... Now, this is... Griffin threw this out at me, and I was like, wait a second. Yeah. Because it's a weird idea.

I came up with it last weekend. Because the other ones we've had stewing in the hopper for a while, right? No, shoot it, shoot it. Shane Black. Shane Black. Shane Black. But it would be as director and writer. Yeah, because he's only directed three movies. And he's only written five or six,

depending on how you keep count beyond that. Yeah, famous action screenwriter of the 80s and 90s, Lethal Weapon, Last Boy Scout, Long Kiss, Good Night, Last Action Hero, which, talk about a blank check movie The highest paid screenwriter in Hollywood for a long time then fucking checks out, disappears blank checks out

he does the opposite of what Dunstan did he takes a cue from Bizarro Dunstan No, no, I refuse I refuse One million comedy points Oh, everyone is turned off Yeah

Everyone except for the diehard listeners This episode's for diehards, though Yeah Clearly Should've made the Sense8 episode for diehards Because, it doesn't matter Sense8's what's gonna win us the Webby Then he directs Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Iron Man 3, The Nice Guys

But after like seven years of being in the wilderness. Have you seen it? I have. How is it? You haven't seen it yet? No. I was disappointed, but I also am ready to give it a second chance. I liked it.

I just had heard so many rapturous things from other people. We'll see. We'll see. Felt like I didn't get it, but his screenplays are down. Sometimes they take a couple times to read. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is one of my favorite movies ever made. And Iron Man 3, I think, is the best Marvel movie outside of the Avengers. I look at the two as being, they switch places for me.

But it's like Iron Man 3 and the Avengers, yes. Depending on the day, I rank them as one or two. But those are the two Marvel movies I wholeheartedly love. I think the Avengers, you got us to take that number one. Because it's kind of the platonic ideal of the movies Marvel wants to make. I think Iron Man 3 is sort of a weird special thing. Yeah, can I say this? I think Iron Man 3 also lacks a great villain. It has a fine villain. I think Iron Man 3 is sort of a weird special thing. Yeah. Can I say this? I think Iron Man 3

also lacks a great villain. It has a fine villain. I like it a lot. He's fine. I think The Avengers is the best Marvel movie. I think Iron Man 3 is the best movie

that Marvel has made. And it's one of the best Christmas movies ever made. Yeah. It's a great film. It takes place all on Christmas Day. Yeah.

That's the big argument for Shane Black is we really want to fucking talk about Iron Man 3. But there are a lot of goodies in there. No, no. I want to talk about Kiss Kiss Bang Bang Black is we really want to fucking talk about Iron Man 3. But there are a lot of goodies in there. No, no, I want to talk about Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.

Yeah, but we've talked about doing an Iron Man 3 one-off for a while too. Oh, I know, all right, all right. We want to talk about all those films. So you don't like my Colin Farrell idea, huh? I just think

with actors it's tough because it's like 40 fucking films. I know, I know. And I don't want to just be like we only do the good ones. He's the ultimate blank check actor.

Yeah. One day, one day I'm going to convince you. I don't want to do the we only do the good ones. He's the ultimate blank check actor. Yeah. One day. One day I'm going to convince you. I don't want to do the we only do the good ones thing. And the other people who are off this poll who are sort of the qualified miniseries are the ones where it's like covering this person from this specific time period. Yeah. Or only their films in America or things like that.

Those are the two. Right. You know, but it's like if you lock it into like parentheses, I think it works. If you just go like Colin Farrell, but we're only going to do some of them. Because we don't want to do an episode in the total recall remake yeah we do that I've been said saw the lobster this weekend good movie though my favorite movie of the year fucking loved it it's that and wiener for me I saw both on the same day I just saw wiener again for the second time yesterday wiener's great I'm gonna see both uh second time they're both

jockeying for number one for me they're both uh I think great great films uh that Yorgos Lathimos guy good director I'm a huge fan of his. You guys should check out Dogtooth and Alps, which are his other films. Anyway, so. Those are the four. We'll put a poll up. You guys can vote, but also just tweet at us all the time, every time at blankcheckpod. My brain's not working. Let's go. Jupiter Ascending. Let's go. Okay, so here's what's nice about doing this movie. When we

started this podcast, when it was previously Griffin and David present, our very first episode. Here's my tweet. Oh, David's now interrupting. I was trying to get to the movie at hand. It finally loaded. We'll leave that up because

this ties into this episode so i'll make that when we were doing our star wars podcast yeah when we were doing our that was terrible for our listeners david just interrupted to show me a tweet that he was proud of that was a joke relating to something we talked about before yeah exactly a tweet i've been trying to load for an hour yeah the wi-fi is really bad here no when we were doing our in our very first episode when we were sort of explaining why we were doing this in our very first episode when we were sort of explaining why we were doing this this silly concept which was talking about the phantom menace as if the other star wars movies didn't exist we said like you know we want to remove the context that everyone's

viewing this film and judging it against the others and look at it as what it's pretending to be which is just just the first movie in a new franchise without the baggage tag. And we said it's like if it was just Jupiter Ascending. Right, we talk about it in more than one of our early episodes. Yeah, but in the first one, the very early reference point we threw out was we want to try to view the Phantom Menace like it's Jupiter

Ascending. And we both, very early on, we were like, by the way, we just saw Jupiter Ascending. Fun movie. We love it. Liked it. Why is everyone else shitting on it? It's now been over a year we've been doing this podcast, right? Yeah. Jupiter Ascend came out February 6th, 2015.

Yeah, and I think we started like the week after that. In March. Right, yeah. Oh no, because we were recording. Right, right. Anyway, anyway. Oh my god. One could say we've been building up to talking about this film at length since the very beginning of the show, a past incarnation. I mean i mean of course that's exactly what this is our lives are not our own cycling over and over again you know rebirth it's a cloud atlas and now we're a new life and we get to talk about jupiter ascending yeah we're all food for uh galactic royalty now

who gets to talk about jupiter ascending myself griffin human yourself david sims yeah but also there's there's a third amigo. Who recently told me this just an hour ago that he thought this movie was silly. Yeah. It's okay. I didn't hate it. So I'm going to do his name. His name is Ben Hosley and he's the producer of the podcast.

Hello. Yeah, great. You also might know him as Producer Ben. Yeah. They were Ben, the Ben Ducer, the Poet Laureate, the Haas, our finest film critic, the Fuckmaster, the Tiebreaker, Birthday Benny, Mr. Positive. I said the Poet Laureate. He's not Professor Crispy. The Peeper. He is the Peeper. You always forget about that one.

I know. It's because he's not in the room with us. He's not peeping right now. They have to install a window so we can see him peeping at us. peeping right now. They have to install a window so we can see him peeping at us. He also has graduated through many series to titles such as Producer Ben Kenobi, Kylo Ben,

and Ben Night Shyamalan. What's his Wachowski title going to be? I don't know. Tweet at us if you have ideas. Oh yeah. Yeah. So yeah, those are your two jobs as listeners. We'll have a poll up by the time this episode lands with the four candidates for the next season. I want you to vote, and I want you to tweet at us a name that Ben can attach to his vest, you know?

Anyway, Ben's here. Ben is here. Yes. Excited to talk about this film. You were trying to do this vest thing, and I was just like, let's just move it along. I was trying to do like he was a TGI Friday's waiter waiter and he had a vest with a lot of flair on it. Oh, sure. Ben has shaved his head pretty much since we last saw him.

Yeah, that's true. He's a new man. He's a newly shorn Ben. I'm also alive still. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah, that's good. That was a cliffhanger because that episode was recorded so many weeks ago.

Some of our listeners might have thought that you were dead. Not going to make it. Yeah, dead by now. I'm still here. Are you feeling okay make it. Yeah, I'm still here. Are you feeling okay? Yes. No, I'm a lot better, but listening back

to those episodes, I sounded, I think David pointed out, I sounded like Darth Vader just wheezing in the background. Yes, you did, and we love you all the more for it.

The film today is Jupiter Ascending. It's a film that I would also describe as silly, but I would use that as a very affectionate term. Me too. I mean, I feel very affectionately towards this movie.

Yeah. I will say it might be my least favorite Wachowski movie. Oh, not mine. But you probably are getting the Matrix prequels in there. Or sequel. Right? Yeah, I guess it's... We're going to rank them

at the end of the episode. But I like all the Wachowskis movies and I like this movie a lot. I love this movie. Re-watching it clarified some of its flaws for me, but also clarified the things I love about it.

See, I'll say the opposite thing. I was like, you watched it, you know, critics shit on this movie really hard, right? When it came out they did but even when it even when that was happening there was already a little couple movement building of like hey guys like jesus they tried to make a fucking original movie like yeah i also assumed there'd be more of a second wind sort of groundswell by now but it's it's kind of quiet

yeah people sort of just forgotten about it yeah i mean it has its fervent fans but i don't know if it's this is ever going to be like the genuine kind of cult movie where, like, I have to read fucking articles every six months of, like, Jupiter Ascending sequel possible? Yeah. Or even, like, a Speed Racer thing where you're constantly making articles to, like, argue why it was misunderstood at the time, you know? Which I think it was. I think it deserves those types of articles at some point in the future. Me too. Which I think it was.

I think it deserves those types of articles at some point in the future. Me too. But they made a horrible mistake with this film, which was they premiered it at Sundance. Yeah, in a secret screening. Right. I remember that. So they were like, there's a big studio movie. And all the Sundance crowd, having just been watching movies like The Witch and like Me and Earl and the Dying Girl. And then they come out and they're like, yeah, it's fucking stupid.

Like that was the large, like it wasn't like a lot of nuance. Right. And so immediately there are a bunch of tweets from everyone making fun of this movie. People were hyped for this movie. Kind of. No, they were. They were. Critics were.

Yeah. I don't mean the public. Obviously they were hyped for this movie. The public was not. Critics were like, you know, all in on Channing Tatum. He was like really, you know, and he's obviously they're still all in on him. But at that moment he was on a real roll. Yeah. You know, they were all in on Channing Tatum. He was like really, you know, and he's obviously they're still all in on him. But at that moment he was on a real role. Yeah.

You know, they were all in. Or a comedy film. Or a comedy film. They were all in on franchise fatigue. Yes. Sequel fatigue. Give us something new. And it's like, hey, here's a whole like movie has nothing to do with anything.

Based off nothing. The only thing it's based off is that there's a planet called Jupiter. Yeah. In the sky. Yeah. And, you know, people like Mila Kunis. There is that weird credit at the end of the film where it says, based on the planet Jupiter by God. David doesn't like it.

Nope. Mila Kunis. People liked her. People liked her. There was certainly no hostility towards Mila. No, I think after Black Swan, people were really excited. And in between Black Swan and this film, she had done a couple, sort of like the Oz picture. Yeah, made a lot of money.

She's really horrible in it. Yes. And I would argue it's not her fault, necessarily. I mean, I don't know. But it's not a good performance. But also, I think, you know, even though Speed Racer and Cloud Atlas had not hit, there was a lot of love for those movies sort of floating around in the ether, and people were kind of ready for, like, hey, let's, the Wachowskis are going to be back.

It's going to be fun. And this on its face seemed like a more conventional, accessible film. It is a more conventional, accessible film. That doesn't mean it's conventional and accessible. No, I don't think they're capable. It's PG-13. It's the only PG-13 movie they've ever made because Speed Racer's PG. Right.

And I think that's a huge problem, to be honest. That the film's PG-13? Yeah. I don't think they work well in that world. I've never seen this film before. So going into it, I had read something, some brief synopsis, and they're referring to it as a space opera? Yeah.

Yeah, it's definitely a space opera. Okay, so maybe I'm just unfamiliar. I was assuming that there was going to be a whole bunch of singing. That's what I thought was going to happen with this movie. Ladies and gentlemen, the podcast is over. It's over. We will never record again. We're not going to do

better than that. He's our finest film critic. He's our finest film critic, Ben Hosley. You're welcome. You know that's true. It's 100% sincere. That's not a joke.

Griffin is red with laughter. I know that's true. It's 100% sincere. That's not a joke. Griffin is red with laughter. I'm red like Ben. So I was actually disappointed because I was like kind of excited for that. You just wanted them

to like burst into song. Totally. Look, that would have been good. It would have been really cool. Here's the thing the listeners need to understand about Ben, right?

Because they only get to experience him in this context. Me and Griffin came up with the idea for this podcast. Ben is along for the ride. Ben is like, it's like if we were in some kind of space adventure, he's like the guy who was sort of on board fixing something

and then we had to like blast into deep space and now he just is sort of like with us. But sometimes we say shit and he is so confused by us. Ben is like C-3PO, you know? Like Ben wasn't, meant for this. Or, like, Sam Rockwell in Galaxy Quest, maybe. No, but here's the thing you have to understand about Ben, okay? Because some people might be like, is Ben real?

Is he, like, a character? How much of this is a bit? Right. No, it's real. Here's the thing. Ben's a comedian. Ben knows that he's funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know? But also, Ben has never said anything on this show that isn't 100% genuine. No, he's real. Yeah. Like, you. You know? But also, Ben has never said anything on this show that isn't 100% genuine. No, he's real. Yeah. Like, you're excited that you're gonna get a laugh off of your real opinions,

but they are your real opinions. Pretty much, yep. All right, all right. Okay, okay. Okay, so this film has no songs in it. Sadly. Sadly.

No, space opera, you know, just grand, melodramatic space adventures from this, I don't know, the 50s,s, I feel like is when it sort of came around. I would argue. Probably even earlier. Perhaps even earlier.

Yeah. Like the Flash Gordon type movies or the serials of the 30s, that kind of stuff. I saw this film IMAX opening weekend. I saw it at a press screening. This is the first film where I had my job as a film critic. That's so cool. This is your first one. Yeah, I took my roommate Molly and we had a fucking as a film critic. That's so cool. This is your first one. Yeah, I took my roommate Molly,

and we had a fucking great time. Yeah. And because I started critic screening, it's always a different crowd. It's a different vibe. And so lines like, I've always loved dogs, got like a huge laugh.

And it's not like a genuine laugh. It's a knowing laugh. Not like a completely sarcastic laugh. But definitely there was like a slight laugh. It's a knowing laugh. Not like a completely sarcastic laugh. Yeah. But definitely there was like a slight air of derision in the crowd. But I think, I remember it going generally fine. Were the laughs like this? No, no, no. The bees and the dog, those got big laughs.

Not like when I saw Mother's Day. And at one point, literally after a sincere line was delivered, one person just screamed, Jesus Christ! Which was a great moment. And then we all laughed. I've told you the best thing I ever heard someone yell out at a movie, right? What? Couples Retreat.

The Vince Vaughn, Fabbro, Bateman, Faison Love picture. Yeah. It was a Faison Love joint. Yeah. So the opening setup of the film is that- Talk about a film that literally doesn't exist. And made- It's like $200 million domestic.

It's crazy. And another $100 million at least overseas. Huge movie. Doesn't exist. I can- Does not exist. I can vouch for the fact it doesn't exist. All those Vince Vaughn movies, like Four Christmases.

Doesn't exist. Just like they came out, made a ton of money. No one would ever acknowledge that they saw them. You know what's a fun fact about The Dilemma? Didn't even make money, that one. Didn't exist. Didn't exist. Just like they came out, made a ton of money. No one would ever acknowledge that they saw them. You know what's a fun fact about The Dilemma? Didn't even make money, that one. Didn't exist. Didn't exist. Wasn't made.

Delivery man doesn't exist. Delivery man. Doesn't exist. Shoot. So what happened to Couples Retreat or Perfect Couples? So the scene that sets up the movie is Bateman and Kristen Bell are like, we bought this package. You know, one of those normal four couples packages

where if one couple doesn't show up, the whole package. I get a pop-up ad for one of those every day. Yeah, it goes out the window and we don't offer refunds, right? Okay. The setup for the film. And they're like, we can't do this.

We're not doing this. And he goes like, look, I'm gonna level with you guys. Our marriage is in a pretty rocky place. And this trip is sort of our last chance. Because if this doesn't work out, we're thinking of getting a divorce. And some guy in the back of the theater just goes, gay. Gay. So here's my question Is it gay to get divorced?

Yes Or is he saying like The problem at the heart of their marriage Is that Jason Bateman is That's the question And he's just not dealing with that Did this guy think he had cracked the plot? Like he had predicted

Is that what the movie's about? No Okay Does their marriage get saved? Yes. Who are the other couples in that movie? Vince Vaughn and Malin Ackerman? Correct. And the other one is Jon Favreau and Kristen

Davis. Oh, yeah. What a natural couple those two be. Is Jon Favreau in like beached whale level? Yeah. And the idea in that movie, they hate each other in that film and they keep on fucking other people, but they're fine idea in that way- He's an overweight man. They hate each other in that film and they keep on fucking other people, but they're fine with it.

Oh, yeah. And at the end, the fact that they hate each other turns them onto each other and they hate each other a lot. And then Faison Love and- Callie Thorne? Is that her?

Callie Hawk. Callie Thorne is kind of like an Italian actress who's in Rescue Me for years. No, Callie Hawk who was on New Girl for a little while. She's like a comedic actress. That was her first movie. She didn't blow up. I actually think she's very talented.

Did Tarkovsky direct that one? You know who directed that one? Peter Billingsley of A Christmas Story. Ralphie from A Christmas Story. Crazy. Anyway. Also co-starring Peter Serafinowicz. My big blue buddy.

And Tamor Morrison, Django Fett. Django Fett himself. So it all ties in together. Retreat. They play holiday specialists of some sort. Yeah, I'd argue the best joke in the entire film is that Serafinowicz introduces himself as Stanley, spelt with a C. And you spend the entire movie trying to figure out where the C is. And at one point they see it written down and it's S-C-T-A-N-L-E-Y.

Jupiter Ascending. Jupiter Ascending is a movie I have a big crush on. Yeah, me too. That's my feeling. Especially like the opening, which is gorgeous. Gorgeous. Gorgeous opening,

just the shot of Jupiter. Yeah. Fucking take it up the whole screen. I'm going to do the whole review in this. I saw this movie in IMAX. Like, it looked so beautiful. In 2D or 3D? It's so pretty.

3D. Which I was happy to watch it in 2D now. Oh, yeah. Since I'm going to say, the Sundance reviews were terrible. Yeah. Right? Like, just the immediate tweets. And, like, the movie came out, like, a week and a half later.

It was, like, pretty rapid. Yeah. And the official reviews that came out in between the Sundance reviews and like the release of the film were even worse yeah at that point the narrative was a pylon it was a pylon it was like what the fuck are they even trying to do it wasn't a Cylon from Battlestar Galactica it was a pylon no yeah uh great four comedy points I don't know yeah um that's all I wanted I'm gonna go yeah all to go. So I went into it bracing myself because I wanted to like it. I really did, right? Yeah, me too.

First off, I was actually, I remember I was really stubborn. The reviews came out and I was like, fuck them. Me too. Because I really had liked Speed Racer and I was already in my fervent defense of the Matrix sequels mode. So I was like, no, no, you'll be great. I'm not listening to you dummies. But I also secretly was like, fuck, this really doesn't sound encouraging. I also wanted it to make a ton of money.

Me too. And already kind of could tell it wasn't going to. So I was a little sad about that. The die had been cast because it was supposed to come out the summer earlier. They pushed it back to February. They pushed it back for VFX work, which I think is accurate. I'm pretty sure that's why they did it. But I also think when the movie was two months out from being released as like a July thing. So that was the other thing. There was no excitement. I'm pretty sure that's why they did it. But I also think when the movie was two months out from being released

as like a July thing. So that was the other thing. There was no excitement. I forgot about that. It really fucked the movie because it had been advertised for a while. They had big posters up, trailers, TV out. And then it just never came out and then finally of course it gets dumped like two weeks before the Oscars. I mean a month before the Oscars. Not even really. Like a few

weeks before the Oscars. I think it was the week before because I remember Redmayne won the week after. Right. People were worried this would be his Norbit but it was too late. Redmayne was like, fuck you.

Whereas I view it as the opposite. I saw the movie and I went, fine, you can give him the Oscar. After seeing this performance I was like,

fine, the guy's earned it. He didn't earn it. I think he did. I mean, I like him in this movie. I just don't like him that much in the

Steve Harvey movie. Oh, agree. I think he's good in the early sections. Yeah, he's all right. As a student. Yeah. Douglas Booth could have done it.

Agreed. Another cast member from Jupiter Ascending. That was my joke. So, yeah, I said... Right, yeah, I know. I was just putting a point on it. I said earlier I love this movie. But, like, when I say, like, I love it, it's great,

it makes it sound like it's, like, perfect or that it's transcendent or that it's a miraculous piece of art, which it isn that it's ascendant but it is that it ascends but I do like I watch this movie and I like have a crush on it like I want to kiss this movie I like I kind of want to fuck this movie you know I don't know if I want to marry it but I like I'm watching it and I'm just yeah yeah it's lovely like I think this movie's so charming and so pretty yes I agree with everything you're saying. I think I just want it to be better than it is. But I think it's good.

Well, I went into it the second viewing and I was like, okay, your guard's been down. You already liked it more than everyone else did. You're not trying to prove a point anymore. Now we're in the context of all their films. You're going to judge it a little more harshly, like pick it apart. I was ready to like it significantly less. And I didn didn't i like that's good i i finished watching the film and i was like would

watch again like i almost just want to restart it just because i like living in the world of this movie well that's the thing i like the world of the movie i like i mostly like the look of the movie yeah i love the cast of the movie and i love love the idea of intergalactic aristocratic politics, like being part of a big action movie. And I'll say that stuff worked better for me on the second viewing than the first one. Here's what doesn't work in this movie. Okay. The action.

Disagree. Yeah. The action is the big problem in this movie. Number two, and it really hurts me to say it. It like makes my skin feel like it's on fire. But like Channing Tatum. Soft disagree. I mean, and I don't think he's terrible or anything,

but I think he's not meeting this material where he needs to meet it. And I think the same is true of Mila Kunis, but I also think the script underserves her a little bit. Yeah, I think neither of them are great. I think both of them work, but I understand why people don't like those performances. Let us take this

away. Go through the plot. But I'll say this. Talking about wanting to live in the world of the movie, Avatar, which both of us like. Dun-dun-dun-dun! Yeah, go ahead. Dun-dun-dun-dun! Were we to do Cameron as our next miniseries,

should the people vote so? Big Jim. If we go down Big Dick Jim's road, we're both ready to defend Avatar, which now people have turned their backs on. Has its own reputation, yeah. Right. But there was this sort of story

that was getting circulated after the film that all these people were depressed. These sad, lonely people because they saw Avatar and they wanted to live in Pandora so much that they got circulated after the film that like all these people were depressed. These like sad, lonely people. Cause they saw avatar and they want to live in Pandora so much that they got depressed living in the real world. They started these online communities and that was part of the thing that boosted the box office was people like 10 times.

I once was directed to a Reddit thread of people explaining how you could enter a lucid dreaming state so that you could then control your dreams and enter Pandora. Right. Yeah. Shit like that would happen. This is true. Now, maybe that person was just making it up.

I don't know. It was a funny internet thing. I don't know. But there was shit like that happening. My point is- People began to be sad that the world of Avatar was fictional. That they didn't live in Pandora. There was a small community of people who were just sad about that.

And that was the big gamut when Disney announced their Avatar theme park, was they were like, people will pay to live in that thing for a fucking four hours at a time, you know? Yeah. Which still hasn't opened. Yeah. Much like the sequels still have not been made. But I'm watching that film.

I like Avatar a lot. I'll defend to the end of the day. I don't have that impulse at all. I watch it and I'm just like, okay. Like, I don't want to live in that world. I don't think it's particularly beautiful. No, I think it's fine. It seems like a fairly dangerous world. There's a lot of rhinos in it and I'm just like, okay. I don't want to live in that world. I don't think it's particularly beautiful. No, I think it's fine. It seems like a fairly dangerous world.

There's a lot of rhinos in it and stuff. So I'm cool just watching it. I do want to live in Jupiter Ascending. I watch this movie and I want to live in these. That's not how I feel. I just like the idea of creating. Look. Let's go through the plot.

Yeah, we go. But just to say, we always talk about how the Wachowskis do something that's like really unfashionable or kind of ahead of its time and i think the thing they did here that was unfashionable was creating a world whole cloth like a really complicated world that they have to explain to you yeah a lot there's a lot of explanation in the movie yeah and like original sci-fi worlds were just not the thing at the time this feels like a movie right out of the 80s. It's also, correct, it's also- Down to its villains.

When you get into the space opera thing, I think that's even a bit of a misnomer, not just because of how it confused Ben, but because I think this really is like a children's fantasy story in sci-fi clothing. Yeah. You know, I read the Nexus, the sort of like kernel that this film

started from, was they were reading a lot of fantasy. They were reading Wizard of Oz. They were reading Alice in Wonderland. They were reading all of those. And they went, these types of protagonists we find very interesting. These young women were thrown into these crazy worlds and they keep this head on their shoulder. Yeah. You know, and they're sort of

succeeding and making their way through the land through judgment and morality. Yeah, but that's where I'd say the film falls down. But yes. I'd agree, but you also look at those films and Alice and Dorothy are both pretty passive characters. Things happen to them and it's about how

they react to them, but it's not that much about them taking decisive action. Right? It's about who they remain in these worlds But it's not that much about them taking decisive action. Right? It's about who they remain in these worlds. That's fair. Sure. Like she has a moral compass that essentially like holds true. Yeah.

Although a couple of times she almost fucking signs away the rights of all humans. But she doesn't. I think that's what defines her as a character. Yeah, but she doesn't because Channing Tatum fucking crashes through a window on his roller skates. What? But the second time she fucking makes a choice herself kind of I'd say she does I was watching out for this really working like yeah on that and she doesn't quite he interrupts again but she makes more of a decision herself but also by that time and we'll complain I'll complain about this the whole thing is so fucking confusing why doesn't every remain just killer I don't get

it I don't get it he wants to kill her at the beginning of the. Why doesn't Edwin Remain just kill her? I don't get it. I don't get it. He wants to kill her at the beginning of the movie. Why doesn't he kill her at the end? Doesn't she say that he can't, though? She says that he can't, but the movie doesn't do enough work explaining why that has changed. This is where I start to get annoyed at the movie, but whatever. I guess. Anyway, I mean, the idea was they want to try to make Alice in Wonderland as a sci-fi film. They want to put that sort of protagonist into a sci-fi trapping, and I think that confused people.

Let's go to the beginning. I think Wizard of Oz is the better choice because as they say, she's Dorothy. And he's Toto. And he's Toto, which I think is such a funny idea. Amazing. Anyway. So the movie is about a girl named Jupiter Jones.

Jupiter Jones, who is a Russian immigrant. Her father, played by James Darcy. Our old buddy from Cloud Atlas. From Cloudy Atlas. Cloudy Atlas was an astronomer and a seemingly nice boy. He had a beautiful golden- Golden telescope. A telescope of gold.

Who wooed a nice lady, a nice Russian lady, played by Maria Doyle Kennedy, by Maria Doyle Kennedy as with his, you know, sort of winsome charm and interest in this space, I guess. That Darcy Twinkle, you know? And then he gets killed in a very tragic

and somewhat abrupt opening scene where some Russian gangsters, I guess, are trying to like steal his clocks. I don't know, like steal his telescope. Random break-in, a bunch of mass thugs.

Yeah, his telescope's made of pure gold. They want to steal it. I don't think it's made of pure gold. Good lord. I think every inner working, every rivet is gold. Anyway, so then the instructions were printed on pure gold. The mom is sad, flees to

America, gives birth to Jupiter on like a barge. Yeah. And they now live in Chicago. And they clean toilets. They have a toilet business. I mean, they have a cleaning business. And sort of like a family flop house.

Yeah. Yeah. They live in a family flop house. They're not cleaning toilets. She's got a bunch of like cousins and siblings and shit, including Sparky from Speed Racer. Our friend, Kit Curry. And I forget who else is in there. In the family, I didn't recognize any of the other ones.

Apparently, Aunt Nino is played by someone called Frog Stone. Well, but of course. She's got a large family. They all live in one house They're all sort of cartoonish They're all kind of And like Kit Curry

What's his name? Vladdy Yeah Is trying to get her To sell her eggs So he can buy a TV Like it's really sad The men all seem like

Sort of backwards Hustlers Right? The men are all Sort of gruff They don't Trust women I mean I assume

The Wachowskis are maybe Polish or Russian I believe they're Polish so I assume like maybe they have a little bit of their own maybe a little bit of their own family or at least stories of the family in this

very cartoonish presentation of like an immigrant family maybe maybe they're just trying to stick it to the Ruskies. I don't know. But anyway, it's a little. What if the Wachowskis are still like Cold War truthers? They're like, I don't know. We shouldn't let our guard down.

Great. They could. They might. But, you know, interestingly enough, Mila Kunis, I believe, is from the Soviet Union. She is a Russian. I believe she's Ukrainian. Yes. Yeah. Maybe she's right. Yeah. You know, she and, is from the Soviet Union. She is a Russian. I believe she's Ukrainian, yes. Yeah, maybe she's right.

She is of Eastern European extraction. Speaks fluent Russian. And so it's kind of fun that, I think she's also Jewish. Yeah, she is. She's a nice mix of stuff. It's fun to give her this role. It's actually appropriate to her background. Yeah, I liked it a lot.

All this is done in voiceover narration, which is pretty quickly dropped after that. But she's like, you wouldn't expect me to be cleaning a toilet, or I can't even remember. Like, look at me cleaning a toilet. There I am. Jupiter Jones.

But this is the thing I like about this movie. I have no problem with this. And I can't argue that this film is perfect, but the vibe of this movie wins me over so thoroughly that I'm willing to overlook its flaws because I have such a good time watching it this movie feels like an adaptation of a book that never existed you know there's this energy to it even to the narration where it feels like it doesn't feel as much like a you know people always talk about how narration sort of like voiceover it's like a sloppy screenwriting device if you can't get the thing out visually or

through dialogue then you know you're not doing your job. Whatever. Fuck that. Whatever. Who cares. Sometimes it's a stylistic choice. Sometimes you're trying to get a vibe out there. Well sometimes you yeah it's a very like ooh story time. Yeah. And that feels to me like the voiceover narration in the beginning feels like the first chapter of a book and setting up this sort of like Cinderella complex of like she's the one that no one notices.

She's under the stairs. She's scrubbing the toilet. You know. I mean it's a classic story because someone's about to drop out of the sky and say like you don't know it but you're a really special person and you're magical and like we're gonna go on a crazy adventure and all those fairy tales that we're talking about all the girls in them are like 14 years old that's that weird thing we never think about is they're all supposed to be like very very young right i think because most of those writers were pedophiles no i think it's just also because these stories are from a time when you were going to be dead when you were 35. They were middle aged.

You got to get going. 13 year olds were middle aged. Yeah. They were buying the Ferrari. They had the 401k in place. But Mila Kunis is as an actress. She's very tiny. She's got these sort of big, big, giant baby eyes.

Yeah. And she's got a very high pitched voice. Like giant baby eyes. Yeah, she's very petite. And she's got a very high-pitched voice. Like, there's something very childlike to her. Sure. Innately, and sort of an energy that makes you sort of worried about her. I get you. I get you. And in a given scene, she's very sympathetic. Well, also, you're like, what?

She's got to sell her eggs for a TV? Yeah, you feel bad. There's a metaphor there, I assume, for the larger story that unfolds, where we are all being harvested for, you know. I believe so. Consumerism. But there's a feeling in this opening section that's very cartoonish, that's very over the top, is like they're the wicked stepsisters. This is like the family.

This is the heightened sort of like the humble beginning. Here's what happens while this is all playing out. Cut to fucking, I don't know, a planet that has been erased of life in an alien galaxy. Cut to my wildest dreams. A character called Kalik, played by Tuppence Middleton, who is more, her name is more absurd than her character's name. Yeah, they should have flipped those too. It should have been Tuppence Middleton played by Kalik. And a guy called Titus, who's played by Douglas Booth, who's a young English actor who's kind of just pretty. He's a dreamboat, yeah.

And Kalik kind of looks old. Yeah, she's pretty run down. Well, she looks like a young person, old person makeup. She does, yes. You can tell it's a young actress. Yes, you can. They try, but she's wrinkly. And a simpering... How do you describe

Eddie Redmayne's performance as Balem? I would describe it as the best of 2015. It's crazy. It's so crazy. He was honestly right outside my best supporting actor list. He's doing this thing where he's whispering every single word. And also, all of his dialogue is done in close-ups, and he's always tearing up but not actually crying. His eyes, I swear to God, it's like they're shooting hoses right at him before.

And then they take the hoses out and they're like, roll camera! That quickly. Do you want my honest theory? Yeah. That right up until they called action, they had someone holding one of the big lights. Right, like melting his face. Like a key light right in front of his eyes. He looks crazy.

I think it's a straight up great performance. He won the Golden Raspberry for worst supporting actor. Which is bullshit. Yeah, but that's how these things go. And because he has, he kind of has the same diction and speech style as my high school physics teacher, Mr. Jones. Which is basically like quiet, quiet, quiet. You know, like where you have to kind of hang on his words because he's really quiet.

And then out of nowhere he'll just be like, I said no! Like, he'll just shout. And you're just like, whoa, whoa, okay, okay, okay. You know, like, just to jolt you back up in your seat. Yeah. Here's what I don't get about the reaction to this performance, okay? If you just- I traded life! If you don't like this movie, if you're not buying it in, you're going to find the whole thing, like goofy to tolerate right and i could see like and like in the middle what i'm saying is in the middle of all the

milicunis origin stuff they just sort of slip this scene in very quick they ask you they're talking about like house of braxis and like well i own the deed to earth and you're like who are these people what are they talking about yeah it's three siblings who look nothing alike of very different ages who behave totally differently all on an abandoned planet like city with like like space cars but they're talking like they're from downton abbey right and they it's it's lunacy and they're like talking about like property it's also the same move they pulled with the matrix where it's just like the matrix begins with all this gobbledygook and then gets you to and then it catches you up but like this flips it they give you like 10 minutes of jupiter doing stuff and then they give you the scene it's just like the Matrix begins with all this gobbledygook. And then gets you to Neo. And then it catches you up.

This flips it. They give you like 10 minutes of Jupiter doing stuff, and then they give you this scene that's just like crazy banana balls. And it's the same basic idea where they're like, don't worry about it. We're just laying the groundwork. Yeah. Don't worry about it.

But here's my question for people who don't like Eddie Redmayne's performance in this movie. What do you think he should have done? I agree. Like he's totally in sync with what the film is doing. He's the perfect villain for the tone. I agree. The sort of totally in sync with what the film is doing. He's the perfect villain for the tone, the sort of visuals

of this film. Here's my complaint. Yeah. Everyone else needs to be at that level. I agree 100%. I think he's the most calibrated actor

in the entire film. I think that's why he gets shit for the performance because everyone else is basically giving a 2014, 2015 performance. Yeah. And he's giving a great

like old fashioned big villain performance from like a movie from the 50s. Yeah. And he's giving a great, like, old-fashioned, big villain performance from, like, a movie from the 50s. Yeah. Or even the 80s. Like, this movie really feels like, to me, like a sort of Dark Crystal type, like, wacky, like, Muppety movie. To me, it feels like that combined with, like, 40s adventure serials. Sure.

That sort of propulsive plotting combined with the sort of old British fairy tales and the Frank Baum books and all that sort of stuff. Yeah. I think those are sort of the three major ingredients. But yeah, they talk about this deed tax. Eddie Redmayne immediately gets an Oscar from me. And then we cut back to Jupiter. Youp.

Youp. But our family calls her Jupiter because they're Russian it's a soft J and yeah and basically to just move things along she has an appointment with the doctor there's some like you know flim flam where she

has like a rich client whose name she borrows but like it's absolutely but that seems important because she sees the aliens. She's with a rich client, she's watching her get dressed, she's talking about the party she has to go to. Just to lay it out, Jupiter's using this rich client's name

at the doctor's office for whatever reason. To sell her eggs. Her genetic imprint tripped some galactic space algorithm. Yeah. And so a bunch of little green men. They've been looking for her.

Have gone, and so they go to the other girl, you know, to the girl whose name she borrowed, who's played by fucking Vanessa Kirby, I think. Oh, really? Yeah. And they, like, mess with her, and so we see some little green men. They look really good. They look pretty good.

I think they're really well animated. I mean, I think what the Wachowskis are trying to do here, which they also messed with with The Matrix. They did this with The Matrix some, which is like they're trying to just make this whole cloth sci-fi story that explains things. Yeah. In our world. So it's like, oh, people have been seeing like Little Green Men.

That's these weird little guys who come and like mess with reality when they need to kill someone or kidnap someone. Yeah. They're like, they can go invisible. They can wipe memories. And they mostly erase people's memories, but there's a few spares, but who cares? Cause they just seem like crazy people. Yeah.

Yeah. Stuff like that. And like, oh, you think we're all like created like ancient alien style? Yeah, we are. Right. Like, you know, like a lot of stuff where it's just like trying to explain myths that already exist. But Jupiter's like in the bathroom

when they come and start fucking with this girl and then she walks back out and she sees the woman levitating. Yeah, and she like takes a picture. She takes a picture and they wipe her memory.

A couple days later, next day, whatever, she goes to... To donate her eggs. Right. To have her eggs harvested. Yes, and under this fake name, Catherine Dunleavy,

and they're like, oh, Miss Dunleavy. And then when she gets under and she's on the table, they start saying creepy stuff. Yeah. I like this scene. It's cool because like they throw in some little flashes of the people's faces changing into like the gray alien type face. They're like gray almond eyed aliens with skinny limbs. Just your classic alien.

Big headed alien. Yeah. And, you know, it all seems like it's about to go, they're going to fucking kill her or something. This is one problem I have with the plot of the movie is it seems like they're just there to kill her. Yes. They're, like, just making sure she is who she is,

genetically testing her, and they're like, yep, it's her, ding, and they're about to kill her, and then a dog man bursts into the room with a laser shield strapped to one arm and a gun, and he kills them all. And he rescues her, and he has roller skates that make him fly. And his name is? His name is Cain Wise. He's played by Channing Tatum.

Hell yeah, he is. What do you think about this, Ben? About this scene or about the character? The character of Cain Wise. A like a tant or something. Channing Tatum is like a good looking man. Agreed. And they made him just look like this weird dog boy.

Agreed. And I just, I feel like you could have just told me, okay, he's half man, half wolf, and then not added the pointy ears and the weird face and I'd be like on board still. Not only that, but he is wearing a crazy jaw changing thing to like make his jaw look different, which apparently meant that he couldn't even close his mouth and can barely speak his lines. Like I think it really hurt his performance. Also, did they add freckles to his body? No, I think those are there.

I think that's his sun-soaked body. He just needed some makeup on that. In the shirtless scenes he's got a ton of shoulder freckles. I think he was a Miami Beach boy or something. It's about his time. See, I love that. I don't know if it's just me being perverse, but

I love the fact that they got this guy who's America's favorite hunk. At that moment he was unquestionably the hunk du jour. At the moment they cast him in this moment, he was unquestionably the hunk du jour, right? At the moment they cast him in this film, he was coming off his crazy, what was it, 2013? Was the triple header of Magic Mike. 21.

The Vow. Or he had four films. It was Magic Mike, The Vow, 21 Jump Street, and G.I. Joe Retaliation, which he's barely in. But they sold hard on his back. They just cranked him into that because he was hot. No, 21 Jump is 2012. 2013, he was in Side Effects, G.I. Joe.

He's in This is the End for a second. White House Down, great movie, not a big hit. Don John, that's his 2013. So 2012 was the year I was thinking about. 2012 has The Vow, it has Haywire, and it has Magic Mike. Right, and 21 Jump Street. This was his, he was coming off of the 2014 year of Foxcatcher 22 Jump Book of Life. Yeah, but remember the film was supposed to come out before that.

Wait, wait, Foxcatcher came out. I can't remember. Foxcatcher came out, yeah, end of 2014. But my point is, Joop was supposed to come out summer 2014 which means you know it was 2013 he was hot shit

he was hot shit and you're saying you like that they make him look like a fucking weirdo I think I agree with you but he's still supposed to be

like it's not like making Steve Carell in Foxcatcher look like a creepo like they're like we're hiring the sex symbol he's still supposed

to be the sex symbol of the movie and we're gonna make him look weird I basically agree with you I basically agree with you Hiring the sex symbol. He's still supposed to be the sex symbol of the movie, and we're going to make him look weird. I basically agree with you. I basically agree with you. My problem with him comes a little later.

And no collar? Yeah. Finger. You should put in the fingered riff. I love that fingered riff, by the way. The fingered riff is so good. Okay. Oh, yeah. I'll add it there.

Yeah. I do think what you said about the jaw thing making it difficult for him to say his lines makes a lot of sense with this performance because it's a very quiet performance. It's a quiet performance. It should be really... Here's my problem with the performance. It's kind of mumbled. Yeah.

Is that later on in the film, not much later on, because basically he collects Jupiter and they have this crazy chase scene through Chicago. Which I love. Which I think is good. I mean I wish I loved it. I like it. It's good. You've also got like Duna Bay and a couple other people. Our friend from Cloudy Atlas. Yeah. Who are these people

who are also like hunting her. Yeah. There's a lot of like business. There's these dragon people. Oh my god. Oh my god. The dragon people. They're great. Love them. They're just lot of like business. There's these dragon people. Oh my God. Oh my God. The dragon people. They're great. Love them.

They're just some people are dragons. I mean, Balaam has some bodyguards and they're dragons. But also some of them just seem like to be like, some of them are just dragons. This movie is hard to keep track of because it just starts cutting to, it's like cut to Jupiter in the giant red spot. Balaam has a mining thing, and he's sitting in his office talking to a little man called Mr. Knight and four dragons. Mr. Knight's like a mouse, dude.

Yeah, Mr. Knight's like a, oh, I'm sorry, sir. I do wish to attend. The matters of evil do require some paperwork. He's from a live-action Wind in the Willows adaptation. Yeah, he's from the BBC's Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe. He's from like a live action Wind in the Willows adaptation. Yeah, he's from like the BBC's Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe. Yeah, exactly.

He's played by Edward Hogg is the name of the actor. The great Edward Hogg. And so like we've got that and like there's a scene where Balaam is just like, I must have the girl. No! David's physical impression was so good right now. I just want the listener at home to know he's adding it to his Mad TV reel along with Agent Smith. And so I feel like this is, like with many of Wachowski movies, this is where people are either like, oh, forget this.

What the hell is going on? Or they're like, you know, then there's the fraction that are like, oh, I like more of this. Please, like, cut to another thing. Is there Terry Gilliam perhaps in a clockwork like tax shop we're gonna get him can i bring up my complaint with terry gilliam in this movie sure so you have this film that's like so designy right so art directed everyone's got this crazy makeup and the hair like duna bait has what is clearly lana wachowski's hair yeah she's got this massive and it's even bigger this massive purple purple dreadlock Sia-style wig.

Yeah, pigtails on either side. Pigtails, yeah. Yeah, it looks like Lana's hair. But everyone's got all this sort of design-y elements, right? Even Jupiter. Who is the guy who's the partner of her who's black, and then he's a black man who has been painted jet black black and he has like a black arrow on his head. And then his facial hair is feathers. Like he's got a feather goatee.

I love that guy. He doesn't do anything. Love him. Great design. He's great. And I love how Duna Bay's like little speeder bike has another gun that's just floating next to it. It's not attached. Yes, sir.

And I love that Channing Tatum's shield is not explained. He just sort of has like a force field like on one arm. Yeah. It kind of just shows up. Yeah, I kind of think this movie could do with explaining less because I think the things they don't explain and just show you, you just get, you accept. No, the biggest problem, and that's my complaint. Let me get to my complaint. Yeah.

Unless you wanted to say something specific about Terry Gilliam. Yeah, I was just going to say, I mean, we could also wait until we get to the scene. But you have all these characters that are so designed, and then Terry Gilliam shows up, and it's like they didn't even put him through hair and makeup. He just showed up as is, and they put him in front of camera. That's very funny. Thank you. Terry Gilliam looks like a maniac in this movie.

And it's really, I mean, there's this scene, we'll get to it, that's very obviously, I think, an homage to Brazil. 100%. And it's just like, anyway, we'll get to it. But here's my problem, and it's about telling and not showing. Okay. Is Sailor Bob, what's his name? Kane Wise, whisks Jupiter away.

He rescues her. There's a bunch of action scenes through the skies of Chicago. He's got this force field skatey thing. He goes to his pal's house out in the boondocks uh his pal's played by sean b and he's stinger yeah stinger apni yeah who is a b man he likes those bees yeah he's a b man yeah he's a b man in some way some guys are butt man you know no no he's a b man some guys are wolf man, you know? No, no, he's a bee man. Some guys are wolf man. Anyway, he gives this speech to Jupiter while we're cross-cutting with, like, with Cain, like, getting his weapons out and cocking them all. He was the run to the litter.

But, you know, some of them, you know, turn out to be, like, sold. They're crappy. Good being. Or else you're, like, fearless, you know? Yeah. He's basically telling us, like like this guy's crazy yeah this guy survived being the runt of some kind of like mutant wolfman litter yeah he survived being sold into slavery and now he's like this renegade crazy bounty hunter he's a loose wolfman he's a wild card you don't get any of that from tatum

you don't get any of it yeah ium. You don't get any of it. Yeah, I agree. You know what? I wish it was there. Here's what he really could have used. He could have used some lethal weapon Mel Gibson kind of energy. Or a Greedo scene. Give him a Greedo scene early on where he shoots Greedo.

Yeah. Which is crucial for Han Solo. Yeah. Where we're like, this guy's just bragging about his ship. Who is this guy? And then he executes a green alien. And you're like, this guy's just bragging about his ship. Who is this guy? And then he like executes a green alien. And you're like, great, great. Okay, okay.

Yeah. Don't mess with this guy. I just think he needed a guy, you know, Chang Tatum, I like a lot as an actor. I enjoy Chang Tatum a lot, although I think he's better when he's being sincere. I agree. That's what I was going to say. I think he doesn't have a hard edge, you know? You know, every movie star, not every actor, but every movie star, like capital on movie star, has some sort of inherent quality that makes them a star.

There's a thing that they are able to project that you can't punch out of them that is what people respond to, right? Sure. And I read some critic once. It was kind of mean, but she said, or it wasn't even a critic. It was like an anonymous studio exec talking about when Channing Tat tatum was having this killer year and it was like hollywood reporter like what makes channing tatum why why are people connecting them so hard right now and she said there's this thing with him he's very handsome but there's something about him

that looks a little slow yeah no he looks like a doofus right he looks a little doofus yeah but he's so sincere and he's got like sticky outy ears. He looks like he has fetal alcohol and he's got little eyes. He's very handsome, but almost in spite of his looks. I mean, he's a cutie pie. Yeah, totally. When he's in Foxcatcher, he looks so simian. It's not hard to, just with a little makeup, to kind of push him into looking

basically like, oh no, he's proto-human. Right. And this anonymous executive said the thing about him is he looks a little slow and the audience roots for him because they're like, this guy's trying really hard and I can tell how tough it is for him to do anything. Yeah. Right? And all his best roles are that.

It's like he's a really sincere guy who's trying to get people to take him seriously, to look at him in a different way, trying to get his wife to fall back in love with him. No, I mean. Trying to pull off the undercover cop. Or in Magic Mike, I feel like where he's like the guy's like oh i'm gonna have like a furniture business right and like anyone else you'd be like oh this guy's so washed up but with shanning titty be like oh yeah no he'll pull it off best scene in the movie is the one with

betsy brandt when he goes to try to get the loan and and she's like really condescending to him and he's trying to get her to take him seriously right Right. And she just won't, you know? Yeah. That's the interesting dynamic with him. What this film needed was something like Tom Hardy where you watch Tom Hardy and you're like, this guy could- This guy's a maniac. He's a maniac. Yeah.

Even when Tom Hardy's playing a nice guy- No, no, no. Tom Hardy is a good call. Would have killed him. I mean, obviously Tom Hardy, we're thinking of Mad Max when we say this, but he's a good call. Yes. But I mean, I admire what they're trying to do.

They've got a movie star they think on their hands and they like want to make him this like lovable rogue but they just. He's also I mean look Chang Tae-im is able to express a lot physically right. He's a very physical actor. This is a man of very few words and he does the action scenes beautifully. And one thing I really like about this film

is you can tell there's very little ironically after they sort of were the ones who created this wave with the Matrix Reloaded, the sort of CGI ragdoll stunt body thing. You know? You can tell that all the scenes where Kane is laser rollerblading around

that he's on wires and either they were hanging him from a helicopter. Even when they were compositing, it's him in front of a green screen. You could tell in certain shots he's literally on set being hung up, right? Right.

But even the green screen sort of composite shots, you can tell he's actually doing the physical action. I noticed like three shots in the entire film where it looked like they were using a CGI double. Right. And like he was a really good casting choice in that sense. He was a bad casting choice in that you need someone

with 5% to 10% simmering craziness under the surface. Yeah, I think that's a problem. You know, I think you needed either one scene to show that in the script and or just someone who perpetually has a little bit of that spice under their skin, you know? Yep. That being said, I think he's nice in this movie. Yeah,

I think he's fine. He's a nice boy. But his character basically boils down to he bursts into the action like the Kool-Aid man over and over and over again. It's like shit's about to go down. Uh-oh. And then he shows up and he's like, no, Jupiter! And grabs her and they skate away.

There's a lot of rescuing in this film. This is a rescue heavy film. He gives her the quick speech that's like, I know we're jumping back a little bit. He gives her a quick speech where he tries to explain everything. I think this scene is actually kind of well done because- When they were at the top of the Sears Tower or whatever? Yeah. I think this is kind of well written because he keeps on like saying these crazy terms

and then realizing she has no idea what he's talking about. Right. And he'll say like they're watchers. They're like people who come by to make sure everything's working. Yeah. You know, which is like if you're going to, because we've talked a lot about how these movies get bogged down when there's too much lingo. You need a whole sort of fucking dictionary to understand the vocabulary of these worlds.

Right. Yeah. This scene at least is him sort of going like here's what they're called but it doesn't really fucking matter right no he does we need to know this guy's trying to get you these guys work for him here's who you are right and i think that scene sets it up pretty well i think he's kind of um he doesn't seem crazy in that scene but he seems really wounded and lonely i think he gets that across very well in that scene. And then there's this, you know, there's a big chase. Then he takes her to Sean Bean's house. Right.

And the Wachowskis have devised a shorthand to lock Sean Bean's character in to, like, recognizing that this woman is royalty even if she doesn't know it. Because he hates Channing Tatum. He doesn't like Channing Tatum. I forget why. When they first show up, they fucking punch a bunch. Yeah, why don't they like each other?

Because Channing Tatum has an innate distrust of royalty, like an instinctual dog-like distrust of royalty, right? Uh-huh. And so he tore out fucking Eddie Redmayne's throat, which is why Eddie Redmayne sounds like that. Right. See, I've tracked almost all of this movie. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no.

Tell me, tell me. This is all delivered in exposition and it's very quickly. It's tough to retain. They go through it real fast. He doesn't like royalty. He smelled that he was a rat, which he was correct about, right? He clawed Eddie Redmayne's throat. They were going to put him

down. They were going to euthanize him like a dog. And Sean Bean, who was his leader and his trainer, he was the leader of the squad, said, it's my fault. I trained him badly. I should take the hit. And so rather than

kill Channing Tatum, they clipped both of their wings. They both had wings. And then, like, take the hit. And so rather than kill Channing Tatum, they clipped both of their wings. They both had wings. And then like kicked him out of the sort of royal army. So that's why they're mad at each other. Anyway. So Channing Tatum's become this sort of rogue agent and Sean Bean just moved to a house on the farm with a bunch of bees and his daughter. And his daughter, yeah.

And anyway, so they're having a little bit of a scrap and he's like, you never should have come back here. And then, oh, what happens? A hundred thousand bees gather around Mila Kunis and she starts directing them with her hands up and down and Sean Bean delivers the lines bees like have an innate I can't what the bees always recognize royalty or well before he says anything

he takes a knee and bows to her and she says what do you mean your majesty and he goes the bees they always recognize royalty because she said what's going on so I feel like this is where if you haven't dropped out before, you're just like, just fuck that. Right? You know, like a lot of the audience laughed derisively. I love it.

I do too. And I think that's people who are viewing this like it's a sci-fi movie, you know? Yeah. As opposed to like the Wizard of Oz, where if that happened to Wizard of Oz, you'd be like, yeah, that's fine. They're bees. They sense royalty. I think it's also like, it's such a cheap, cute idea where it's like, because there's a queen bee.

Like, you know, like that basically is the idea. But I like it. I think it's funny. It's a cute movie. It's trying to be cute. Yeah. I like it. I do too.

So anyway, Sean Bean's like, cool, you're the princess or whatever. And nice to see you. You may not understand it, but basically your genes have just reoccurred. I don't think even, I think Tuppence Middleton explains that part. Kind of Cloud Atlas-y. They say that like genetically, it's not just like your spirit repeats,

but genetically your material when you die. It's just like life happens so long that eventually there's just going to be an exact reoccurrence of the exact same genes is the idea every 100,000 years or whatever. Right. And so you're just the same person that this old person was. Yeah.

Who was the mother of the three siblings we met. Right. The Abraxas family. Sean Bean offers up a lot of exposition. There's a moment I love where he's like, let me explain to you how things work. Oh, yeah. He tries to get the screen working.

He takes a future book out of his bookshelf, and it has a little VR sort of 3D projection thing. This is so good. And it shorts out. It's like he's trying to play an old-timey newsreel. It's like the scene in the mystery film where they show him. But also, or he's trying to do something that fucking so many movies do. Yeah.

Like fucking the Star Wars movie even does it you know any just holograph pops up the avengers movies do it all the time where it's like here's you know count bulow over here yes you know and like it just shorts out and he's like fucking budget cuts or whatever the energy with which they set it up is like can i show you something and it's like the scene where the next shot is they turn the lights on in the projection room and they have something laced up and they show him a newsreel that explains the entire backstory of the bad guy or whatever, right?

And with this, it's like he's got this wonky piece of technology that looks like something from the future, but in his time, it's like, this is fucking 80 years old.

It barely works. He hits it on his knee. It short circuits. He says that too. He says that like, oh, because Trang Tam's got this cut on his stomach

that she puts a maxi pad over, which I love. They're in the car and he's bleeding. And she's like, lucky for you, this car is owned by a woman. And she finds a fucking maxi pad, tapes it to his chest.

Sean Bean's like, what's this? Chan Tam's like, and then he gets some spray and the wound just heals up. And she's like, what's that? And it's like, you'd be surprised some spray and the wound just heals up. And she's like, what's that? And it's like, you'd be surprised how much technology your people have created.

Right. And she's like, why wouldn't we just, like, why wouldn't we have all this? Why wouldn't you tell everyone about what's going on in space? And he's like, they can't take it. Okay, okay, okay. Back on track. All right. All right, so Cain and Stinger and Joop ambush at a cornfield, which was weird because Looper had just come out.

And there was a year or two earlier, and there was also a big cornfield battle, a lot of cornfield battles. Yeah. And there's a big fight at a cornfield that, in my opinion, kind of sucks, lacks stakes. Yeah, it's not good. They've got these weird weapons that don't make sense. They don't even seem very lethal. Like, one of them just sort of knocks Jupiter down. Mm-hmm.

And then there's this reveal where, like, Duna Bay turns on another of the bounty hunters, but you're just like, well, who is that? Like, you know, it doesn't, you don't get the alliances at play. Yeah, this is probably

my least favorite sequence in the movie. Yeah. But it ends with her getting, Jupiter getting captured and taken to Tuppence Middleton. Yeah, they put her in like a- Taken to planet Tuppence. They put her in like a tractor beam sort of thing. Yeah, she's floating up.

And Kate watches and she's like, no! Yeah. Okay, so Tuppence Middleton- So Tuppence Middleton, aka more like Exposition Middleton. Sure, yeah. She delivers a lot of exposition. She's an old lady. Yeah.

Like we said she's a young lady in old age makeup. Old age makeup. But she looks like when we say old age she looks like she's maybe like 65. Yeah.

She doesn't look that old. You know? There's a cute moment where she asks Jupiter how old she is and she's like I don't know mid 40s which is like obviously her being nice.

Yeah. Anyway. Carry on. And so it's Middleton's like I'm't know mid 40s which is like obviously her being nice yeah anyway carry on uh and so it's Milton's like I'm going into my my 7th century yeah no millennia millennia she's 7000 years old right yes uh and she's like basically explains like so this whole genetic resequencing thing

I explained to you you're basically the reincarnation of my mommy who here's a statue of her looks like you doesn't it yeah anyway 23 millennia old bonkers shit like that and it's like anyway i've got these two brothers and one of them owns the deed to earth and like you know it's a lot of crazy shit to tell you anyway do you know how i stayed this old i'm gonna take a bath let me take my clothes off yeah she shows her right bottom she steps into the bath she gets out of the bath bottoms looking even riper because

she just lost like fucking 30, 40 years, right? Indeed she did. Yeah. Although I've got to say, if I have one main complaint about the movie, her face looks a lot less wrinkly after she gets out of the bath, but her butt wasn't that wrinkly when she went into the bath. They don't try too hard with the butt. No.

Which maybe some people should heed that warning, you know, learn that lesson. Don't try too hard with the butt. Uh, fuck me. Negative 15 comedy points. Yeah, it was terrible. She has this whole spiel about like, we've all got our perfect genetic sequence like programmed and like, that's what I'm just rebooting back to. Yeah, it's just getting back to basics, you know?

Back to 23 years old, you know? Yeah. Um, and, uh, Mila Kunis asks, she's like, if you people lived this long, how did your mother actually die? And she's like, she was killed. She was murdered. She was murdered. Oh, I'm sorry. She's like, it's fine. She was

fucking 23,000 years old. It's fine. She lived a good life. Don't worry about it. I'm over it. That happened four millennia ago. So you get, what is kind of annoying is like you get this exposition right yeah and then she goes off she hooks up with like the uh what do they call the the ages who are like the uh police the galactic police uh-huh and then they get like picked up by titus' brother, Douglas Booth, sibling number two. And he's like, let me just complete the exposition.

So the blue pool that she got into. Where did she take you up to? How far did you get into this story? Okay, good, good. I can go from there. The pool that makes you young, that's made of 100 people per canister, and it turns you young, but you have to harvest whole planets to create it. And that's what we do. Right.

Oops, don't drop it. Shit. And she just realized she's just wasted a bunch of lives that's what we do. Right. Oops, don't drop it. Shit. And she just realized like she's just wasted a bunch of lives. Yeah, a hundred lives. Right. And he was like,

they explain that humans are aliens. So it's like Tuppence explains you're the reincarnation of my mother and you're that, like you're a really important

part of this galactic family. She leaves a clean edit point. And then Titus, exactly. Yeah. And then Titus Exactly. And then Titus explains oh and we create this substance by harvesting people who we plant on planets

and grow to a certain like you know six to seven billion person level. But I like this idea because they're not saying to Mila Kunis to Jupiter like oh we both look like humans but we're different species in the way that like luke skywalker is an alien right but he's a humanoid right exactly they're like oh no we're literally the same species you're an alien there aren't like there aren't human

beings of earth we find a bunch of planets yeah we move into them we build a bunch of people we wait a couple millennia until they're like nice and cooked. Uh-huh. And then we go in and we harvest them. We get all the life out of them. Right. And it's like we seeded Earth like 100,000 years ago. Yeah. Now this is like the third time the Wachowskis have been going to this well. Yeah. Like people

It's very Matrix. Yeah. And of course Cloud Atlas also in a little you know I mean it's less of a prominent thing. One of the six. Storylines. But yes also has this idea of humans basically use as food. Yeah. You know, and in, whatchamacallit, in The Matrix, they're used as sort of energy. They're an energy source. They're batteries.

Right. And in this one, we're like currency. Yeah, kind of. But we're also basically like a high-end beauty product. We basically, we buy people more time. But that's the thing. I mean, Tuppence Middleton says, she goes like, you know, all the silly stuff that your people squabble about on your planet. When you're practically immortal like me, all you want is to live longer.

Right. But she's like, there are all these things you're fighting over, like land, you know. Energy, yada, yada. Energy, like money, oil. Like none of that matters. The only valuable resource is time. Yeah, it's much like the hit film About Time. Yeah.

No, or the hit film In Time. That's the one you're thinking of. That's what I'm thinking of. Yeah, it's not like About Time, which is a cute movie. Yeah, sure. I like it. Yeah, me too. Me too.

I like that movie. I like that movie. But I like that they go so elemental in this, and they really like, they start mapping this one percent thing yeah so the film has this very broad consumer like yeah you know critis critique of the of the the moneyed class aristocracy type thing going on but very broad very space opera broad very space opera broad i guess this is what makes it this is this what makes it different this is what makes it different than the last two depictions they've done of similar things right in this one we're really getting face time with the people who make this decision sure like in the matrix they're sentinels whatever there's

fucking flying things right in cloud atlas it's like we don't see who's at the top of the chain yeah we don't get to that right we don't see who's made those decisions in this they're sitting down in a personable way going like, why wouldn't you if you could live forever? If you've got to break a few eggs, if you've got to waste other people's lives, that's what you do, which is sort of like, I mean, this kind of Madoff-y thing where it's like, well, if you want to make a couple billion dollars, you've got to not care about other fucking people.

Well, and also it's like, I like this idea that comes in later where she's worrying about signing over the deed to Earth to Eddie Redmayne. Yeah. And he's like, don't worry. Like, I won't even harvest the planet for another few hundred years. You won't even know about it. You're going to be dead. It's like, honestly, it doesn't affect most people's lives.

Which I love. There's like 100 billion people live and die during this growth period. Over and over again. And then, yeah, right at the end, you gotta skim like eight billion people off the top. You know, that's no nice. Yeah, that's no nice. That's a no nice! We're gonna put that on a t-shirt

that we'll sell on Amazon. That's no nice. That's a no nice! But it is sort of this like equivalency thing. They're just sort of living with the bad thing for all the good things, right? But the other thing I sort of dug into more watching it this second time, because the plot I had sort of figured out more, so I was able to kind of read into what they were doing.

And it's not very hidden, right? I mean, it's pretty basic. It's pretty basic surface stuff they're they're painting with a very you know broad brush here a thick brush but um they keep on talking I mean it's this idea of like they're old money people they're rich because they were born rich they will always be rich like this is eternal you know they are literally like pretty much eternal because they have this resource but it's like they're sort of born into a sociopathy of like you deserve this. You do whatever you can to keep this going. Yeah.

You've been given this opportunity. And when they talk about Jupiter, who is sort of, you know, this reincarnation, which makes her part of the bloodline. Right. She's not being told that she's part of it, which is like the Cinderella fantasy. You know. Oh, you're meant to be a princess. You know. Yeah.

A lot of those stories are, you don't know who you are, this is who you really are. You're Harry Potter, you're living under the staircase, but you're actually the most powerful wizard in the world. They keep on using the word entitlement. Right.

They go like, we need to sign your entitlement. You are entitled to this, you know? It's this idea of like, because of who you are, not what you did, you have this power. And all you have to do

is just turn your head the other way. Is just not care about who you are, not what you did, you have this power. And all you have to do is just turn your head the other way. Is just not care about who you're hurting. And that doesn't sit well with her. Well, this is the thing about the movie that is good and bad. Yes. Is that her triumph and her experience has already been lived.

Which is, I mean, I tweeted this. I found the tweet. If you want to read it aloud. Jupiter Ascending is basically a movie about how the privileged clash and clean toilets for 25 years before being given access to money. Was that from the time of its release?

No, I just tweeted it just now. Oh, good, okay. A few days ago. But it's like, the reason she has a strong moral center and a disgust for what they're doing and kind of a disinterest in her quote-unquote entitlement is because she's already lived a nice, tough life. Yeah, she's been invisible to society for so long.

She knows what it's like to not be looked at as a person. Exactly. She doesn't want to treat humanity that way. Right. That's what it takes to inspire a revolution. Unfortunately, that's not something the film can really depict

happening. It's more just like we already kind of assume she's not going to go for it. Yeah. And she doesn't go for it. I mean, by the nature of this film,

this is to me where the movie kind of grinds to a halt and has some trouble. Yeah. I mean, I think they did want to make sequels to this film.

I think this film works as its own self-contained story. I mean, you could do any sequel because this is a world in which, a universe in which literally anything is possible. Right.

You'd just be like, there's some trouble on the planet Boop-a-doop and you just fly over there and it's like, what's there? Oh, they're all gelatinous cubes. We're going to have to deal with that. Like, you know,

they could do whatever they wanted. Like, I mean, yes, I agree with you that it cuts both ways. You could see how this film sets the stage beautifully for a sequel where she is empowered.

She's the queen of Earth. She can do whatever she wants. Sure. This film, because she's the babe in the woods, because she's the one coming into this world, she's our surrogate character, you know? She's the one who doesn't understand anything. A lot of the film has to be her learning stuff. And going, what?

Right. Oh. Me? Right. And sort of just making the choice of where she stands that's her power right is like what do i believe in if in the third act she was like fuck this i'm suiting up and became a warrior we probably would have the complaint of like that's pretty fast transition that she becomes this powerful or you could have done the classic you know like first act she's

nobody's second act tempted by royalty who gets into all this business as she's flying around with tuppence then realizes wait a second these blue baths are people and then rebels but instead it's like who am i what is all this these blue baths are people oh i don't like that like you know it's all at once well yeah but even the one you were throwing out i mean i feel like there are a lot of movies like that where someone picks up a gun having scrubbed toilets for 25 years. I get what your point is. Right. But they don't do that.

They don't do that. Right. But also what they do is shitty in its own way, which is like she doesn't really get to do anything other than just let people know what she thinks. The biggest problem with the movie is that once she's at Titus's planet ship, whatever, Gugu Mbatha-Raw is there as a- Gugu Mbatha-Raw. As a lady with ears. Gugu Mbatha-Raw is there. Gugu Mbatha-Raw. Is a lady with ears. Gugu Mbatha-Raw. All right.

What was that? You didn't like that? It was okay. I was doing ODB. Yeah. Yeah. I watched the movie this morning, and I was like, oh, that would be a funny thing to do. You should do that.

I just don't want to make fun of her name. I don't either. I love her. I'm not making fun of her. She's one of my favorite actresses. I was like, here's honestly what was was going on I got a notification about the Star Wars card trader app uh here's here's what was going on do you still use it every day yeah I do too but it's sort of become perfunctory I'm only chasing one series now you know where's uh the the

77s yeah I'm in it for the 77s and nothing else I like and the fans choice but that's easy because they're free I just have to remember to check in please make trades on Griff Lightning on the Star Wars card trader app you're David L. Sims

David L. Sims yeah feel free to make us any trade requests anyway what I was going to say is I love Gugu Mbatha-Raw me too

she's one of my favorite actresses great I want her to be the biggest star in the world sure I was watching this film and every time she came on screen she doesn't have a large part

she has ears she's got like bad ears she plays an eared lady she's got like bad ears I want her to be the biggest star in the world. Sure. I was watching this film, and every time she came on screen, she doesn't have a large part. She has ears. Yeah, she's got like bad ears. She plays an eared lady. She's got like bad ears. She's got like big sonar-y bad ears, or maybe like deer ears. I don't know what animal she's supposed to be. She's supposed to be a deer.

She is? Yes, Famulus. Oh, okay, so that makes sense. Hey, you know, I got a problem. Yeah, shoot, Ben. All right, cool. So this is what tripped me up, at least. Okay. All right. Alright, cool. This is what tripped me up, at least. Apparently, humans are from this ancient form of humans that's from another galaxy, right?

Correct. But still, if we know about evolution, humans come from monkeys. Oh, you're saying this is Nancy. Do we come from space monkeys? Yes. Space monkeys. But did they then bring space monkeys to the planet? Probably.

They probably just imitate their evolution on another planet. I want to see these space monkeys. Yeah, me too. Good question. I mean, good call. Space monkeys. The way I viewed it is this film is presupposing that every species that we know has the potential to evolve into a human being.

Oh, interesting. What? Into like a humanoid type figure. What do you mean? Because you have all these, you got like elephant dude. Yeah, no, he's right though. There's dragon people.

I think those, I think there's supposed to be dinosaurs, right? But those are splices. Splices. Are all of them splices? I think so. Not the dinosaurs. See, I think Channing's a splice.

I'm sorry. I think Cain Wise is a splice because he says so explicitly, but he's also just got like a touch of the dog. See, I think Channing's a splice. I'm sorry. I think Cain Wise is a splice because he says so explicitly, but he's also just got like a touch of the dog. You know? But I look at like the elephant man

you see at like the controls. Maybe I'm just creating my own fucking crazy backstory to this. So wait, are animals then just aliens? And there's like dog planets. There's a Zootopia situation.

And there's rhino planets. Is this a Zootopia situation? Yes or no? Is this all part of the ZCU? Yes. What do you think is Zootopia situation. And there's rhino planets. Is this a Zootopia situation, yes or no? Is this one part of the ZCU? Yes. What do you think of Zootopia? Good movie. So is Earth just like-

I liked it a lot. Is Earth like we bought a zoo? Yeah, exactly. Okay. God, that seems like a vote for Cameron Crowe. We solved that. Yeah. Great.

Ben, which one do you want us to do? Let's say this actually, Ben. I mean, give us who you'd pick out of the four, but also if you could pick any filmmaker, who would your next miniseries topic be? Oh, wow. Jeez, you really put me on the spot here. You can think about it. We'll throw it back at the end of the episode.

We'll get through this, and then I'll have an answer by then. What I was going to say was that I love Gugu Mbatha-Raw. She makes me really happy. When I saw her in the movie, I started singing songs to myself. That's fine. I was trying to come up with a song that incorporated her name, and I was like, Gugu Mbatha-Raw, because her name's fun to say so i was like come with original songs and i was like you could just map odb onto it i'm sorry if it seemed disrespectful it's fine it's fine i was trying to celebrate

please i'm hungry um i am hungry go go my bath raw but the problem, my complaint is, at the Titus scene, the Titus scenes, he's like, I hate these, uh, blue, the harvesting. I hate it all. It's terrible. My mother hated it. She was trying to stop it. I want to pick up where she left off. You're my mother.

You're my mother. So, let's get married. What? Nobody says, like, um, but I'm your mom, right? Yeah, because the other two characters keep on being like, mom. You are basically my mother. Right, and she even like her last big line to Eddie Redmayne is like, I'm not your mother. We'll get to that.

I know. But Titus like doesn't push the mommy thing at all. No, he's just like, let's get married. We're friends. And she's like, I guess so. And he's like, great. I've hired 100,000 robots to be the audience for our wedding. Yeah.

And the robots have like gun arms. And it's not like their forearms are guns. It's like right at the shoulder they have guns and they have little stubs. They have little nubby guns at their shoulders. So. Laser guns. I mean, and he even says like, you're even more gullible than my mother was or something like that. Which is probably my least favorite moment in the movie.

Yeah, it's bad. And like, yeah, she's getting swept up in something that is so obviously not good. Yeah, it's obviously a ploy. She doesn't like inquire and how does she say? Fucking Channing Tatum's space roller skates from one ship

to another. Yeah, I mean she's not in love with him. There's no reason to do it. But I'm saying like I admire that the film doesn't do a sort of frozen fake out where it's like, oh, she thinks she's in love with this guy and then she realizes the guy was just in it for the castle, right? Uh-huh. It seems pretty clear from the get-go that this is a strategic marriage.

I understand. But it also happens so fucking quickly. So fast. Yeah, and she makes the decision so quickly. He kind of tries to frame it as like oh you need to marry me to like secure Earth's you know safety and all. Yeah cause Eddie Redmayne's gonna

sweep in. He's like a problem guy so you don't want to deal with him. Yeah. The two siblings are against Eddie Redmayne. Like that's very clear from the beginning. Kind of. They don't like him. Tuppence is kind of playing the middle though. Yeah. She's straddling the line maybe but Eddie's definitely like the black sheep of the beginning. Kind of. Even the opening scene, they don't like him. Tuppence is kind of playing the middle, though. Yeah. She's straddling the line, maybe,

but Eddie's definitely like the black sheep of the family. The quiet sheep. Yeah. And so, yeah, they're having a wedding ceremony. There's a cool thing where they fucking, is this before or after the bureaucracy scene? Before or after the bureaucracy scene? The Brazil sequence.

No, I think it's after. We forgot about that, and we should talk about it. I think that in the middle, she goes to the capital planet or whatever. You've got to get certified. The Coruscant, if you will. You have to get certified as the queen of Earth. There's an excellent sequence where she has a robot helper whose name is Intergalactic Advocate Bob. Probably my favorite character in the film.

100%. 1,000% the best character. If you had to do a Holy Trinity in this film, who would it be? Intergalactic Advocate Bob. Number one with a bullet, no question. Number one with a bullet. Chicanery Knight, Mr. Knight. Is it Mouse Man?

Yeah. I'd probably do Goo Goo as number two, but she's getting grandfathered in because of her past work. She's got a shitty character. Don't like that character. Don't like that character. Sorry, I am stalling while I look at the cast list and decide who the third character that I want in my Trinity is. I mean, Eddie Redmayne is probably my third. Yeah.

I guess so. I'm just trying to think if there's another really cool, weird little character to spotlight. I do enjoy- Vladdy? No, I hate him. He sucks. I hate him. I do enjoy Tim Pickett-Smith as Maledictes,

who's another of these fucking like, oh, afternoon, sire. Just like a guy with makeup on his face. Also, what's her name? Nikki Amuka Bird. She's like the captain. Yeah, she's cool. A lot, a lot.

We were doing the 10-part miniseries. I think we'd have some fun with her. She projects a lot of confidence and, like, captaincy, even though she doesn't, like, have much to do. But she does that, like, on-the-record, off-the-record thing, too. Like, you get a sense that she's not just about business. She's like, I disavow your actions, Channing Tatum, but off the record, you're the bravest man I know, or whatever.

That's fun. Because he, like, roller skates into the Great Red Spot or whatever. This movie looks so good. Oh, my God. It's such a good-looking movie. Look, it's beautifully designed. I'm not surprised. Right?

Wachowskis. It cost $175 million. But it's all up on screen. It's on screen. It looks great. But anyway, as we're saying, they go to the capital planet

and she has to like verify and they like, and with intergalactic advocate Bob who's like a robot man. And he's going crazy. Like he's, he was built to advocate. He's played by Samuel Barnett.

He can't deal with this shit. The fucking bureaucracy. Oh, you have to go here. You have to get this paper. They told us we had to come here to get this paper. Well, it doesn't matter what they told you. You have to get this paper to get this paper. It's very Terry Gilliam. It's very tactile. There's all this wacky business. Stamps, gears running in his head. Yeah. Love it. And then Terry Gilliam shows up

for a second in an obvious and loving nod to his oeuvre. Yeah. And once again, they just fucking didn't they didn't change his look at all. It's so he's being lazy, being funny. He's got like a laser monocle. Right. He's got like an orange like computer monocle. And they made him look even more like a bridge troll than he usually does. And it's like a second where you're like you're just sort of

idly thinking like man this whole thing is so like Brazil it's so Terry Gilliam and then you're like that guy kind of looks like Terry Gilliam. Wait that guy's Terry Gilliam

you know. The Wachowskis are going like don't worry we know. It's a good cameo. We know. We know what you're thinking. And then she goes off to Titus Channing Tatum rescues her

and it's like Well first he's like they're like done. Job is done. There's also a moment I don't like in the film where they get on the ship before they're like done job is done there's also a moment i don't like in the film where they get on the ship before they go through all the bureaucracy when she's meeting like the crew and everything the captain bird whatever her real name is yeah her character name is rather um and stinger shows up she thought stinger was dead because when

they left him he was fighting off oh jesus and they're like it turns out stinger betrayed you or something well before this right no no that i'm saying before this there's the moment i'm going back a little just to talk about this one line i hate or the line reading rather where they're like uh and we got someone else you might know here and the door opens up and it's stinger and mila kinis goes stinger as if it's like her old friend it's like you literally spent 20 minutes together in a barn. And you spent 15 minutes apart. Yeah.

You know, like you saw him really recently. Well, but Sean Bean is a lovable man. He's lovable. Third bill. Yeah, and he's really good in this too. Build it up, Redman. Yeah. Got that third billing.

Got that third billing. I'm on date. Gotta get that third. Third billing. I'm so hungry. Me too. I need I'm so hungry. Me too. I need a sandwich so badly. But the film treats it as if we're stunned and thrilled that Stinger's back.

And it's like, yeah, dude's third bill. I knew he was going to be back. Yeah, Stinger's here. And then it's like, oh, and he betrayed you. That happens later. So they go through the bureaucracy. Then they're like... Then she goes to Titus.

Titus tries to marry her. It gets broken up. But you see Chang Tatum and they're like... Then she goes to Titus. Titus tries to marry her. It gets broken up. But you see Chang Tatum and they're like, job's done. You're out of here. And then he's just like, fuck. And Stinger gives him the speech. He's like, you spent your whole life looking for one thing. Listen to me. Searching. Yeah, lone wolf. You've been

searching for one thing and now you found her. Gotta go get her. Gotta run after her. So he gets on his crazy ship with his crazy rocket boots, and he goes, plans this attack, breaks through the wall.

They're like lasering the ring around her finger, which is cool. Yeah, that's fine. I like that. It's cool. Yeah, that's cool. He gets her out of there.

The marriage ceremony. He gets her out of there. It's like, this is fucked. He's gonna kill you the second after the ceremony's done. He wants the planet. And immediately, Douglasouglas booth is like you're prettier than my mother ever was and even more gullible and it's like really that quickly you're gonna be like okay you got me i'm a piece of shit like i'll announce it to everybody i'm up and the only

reason he doesn't die is because mila kunis is like just get me out of here yeah they're like do you want me to kill her and she's like no i don't want anyone to die how many times do i just say this but no so then you're like you're like all right you want me to kill her? And she's like, no, I don't want anyone to die. How many times do I have to say this? No death. So then you're like, all right. You're kind of like, all right, this movie's getting to be about an hour 50, like hour 45. What's happening? I took a pause at this moment to check on the timestamp.

It's like an hour 30. And in another film, it feels like that would be the third act climax. You save her from the wedding. But instead they have to kind of rush through it because Balaam has kidnapped her Russian family. But I kind of like this because I feel like it's like a fake out ending. Like not that you believe the movie is going to actually end at that point. No, because Eddie Redmayne hasn't been dealt with.

Right. But that's the trigger that makes you realize. But a lot of stories like this, it's like you save him from the wedding. The real true love comes. They do the rescue. Like end of story. And it's like, nope, you got one more boss to defeat. Yeah.

So she goes to Jupiter because Balaam's there. He's kidnapped her fucking family. She goes home first, the family, a lizard man comes in, the mouse dude, and they're like, eh, eh, eh, eh. So she goes back up to space. There's a beautiful shot earlier in the film I forgot to mention where the rings

of Saturn, where, like, a ship, like, crashes through them as if it's, like, a submarine coming out of the waves. Do you know what I like about the visuals of this movie? Aside from the fact that they're very well designed, I think that Wachowski just having experience composite these images really well so the images feel cohesive and

united. The live action plates and the CGI elements feel connected. I agree with you. I just don't think it's true of the action, which I think is very perfunctory. I don't think the action works as well. Here's what I like about it, okay? I'll say what I like about the design and then what I like about the action. I like that this film

feels like it doesn't have any walls. Right? Like when you see like the Marvel Thor movies, Asgard is like it looks like a neighborhood. You don't get a sense of the place. This movie, anytime they cut to somewhere new, it's like this thing just keeps getting bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger. I kind of agree with you in terms of the sets or whatever,

but not the ships, which I think are really kind of... I like the design of the ships. No, they look like whatever. What do they look like? They look like a bird. Like fractals. Yeah, they look like the one... After the design of the Matrix,

which has such great design for the squids and the harvesting pods and the ships and all that stuff. It's so cool. Which I admire. This is them just doing a completely different thing. It's gaudy. It's like the Renaissance. It's like these golden ships.

But I don't think it works. You know what's a cool, gaudy Renaissance ship? What? The Naboo Royal Starship. We're talking all-time best ships ever. Less business. Make me see the ship. I want to have a real... You want clean designs. Yeah, because the action scene

where Channing Tatum and Sean Bean have to break through the force field of ship, you know, have to break through the defenses to get to Jupiter. Total nonsense. I'll say this about the action scenes, okay? I don't know if I find them that exciting. I don't know if I find them that exciting. Like, I don't feel a visceral thrill watching them.

Yeah, because you know it's going to happen. But I do think they're so beautiful that I like looking at them. Yeah, especially more the hand-to-hand shooting stuff is pretty cool looking. Well, but even the ship stuff, and especially I like all the stuff where Channing's rocket skating around. That's what I said, the hand-to-hand stuff. That stuff's good. Right. But what I like about it and this just gets to them

being good filmmakers good storytellers right? They do a lot of crazy video game camera. This thing that's like you know you have a camera digitally connected

to like two feet behind over the shoulder of the character and you're watching them go through crazy stuff. And there's a little bit of like

an Uncanny Valley thing where when you're watching stuff like that you know half the movie shot with a real camera you kind of check out because you're watching them go through crazy stuff. And there's a little bit of like an Uncanny Valley thing where when you're watching stuff like that, you know, half the movie shot with a real camera you kind of check out because you're like, real camera couldn't do that, okay? Yep. And you also know like, eh, Channing's got this. I'm saying the other films do that. I think they do it better than other people. Here's why. They back up.

Like they stay far back. So when there's like the ship in the middle or whatever or Channing like jumping through it, they keep him small in the image. So even if the camera's moving around, we like have a sense of like, not spatial geography because they're moving through spaces really quickly. Geography of this movie sucks.

But we know where he is. Yeah, I get what you're saying. And you see him in his surroundings. I don't think we're going to agree on this. And it's not too herky-jerky. I don't think they work as action sequences. I think they work as like visual poetry, David. I don't think they work as action sequences. I think they work as visual poetry, David. I don't agree.

I think the action lets this movie down. And if it didn't, which obviously in a movie like The Matrix, it doesn't, then you'd have a great movie on your hands. And instead, you have a really pretty cool movie that looks great, has a lot of great ideas, but does suffer in the plot and action department a little bit. Which I think is fine. It's okay.

They don't have to hit a home run every single time. Can we talk about another good element that feeds into, especially the action sequences? What's the element? The score. Score is great. Michael Giacchino. Love the score.

Guy fucking rules. Written before the film was made. Makes sense. It feels like that. Which they also did with Cloud Atlas. Yeah, and I know James Dean Howard, yeah, James Dean Howard did with Unbreakable as well, another movie that feels like-

And Hans Zimmer did with Interstellar. Really defined themes, you know? Yeah. It's great. It's like, have you ever listened to it? It's like Jupiter Ascending, Act 1, 2, 3, 4, like leads off the score.

Like an opera? Exactly. Here's the joke I make about Michael Giacchino. We made it at our friend Joe Reed's Spelling Bee movie. Spelling Bee will be coming up. We're doing another one soon in Brooklyn. You know when we're doing it? I forget the date, but I'll advertise it at the time.

Tell me. June. Okay, cool. June something. I forget the date. Great. June 20 something. Or teen something.

I don't know. It's coming up. Anyway, it's a fun event where we do a spelling bee with all actors' names. I'm still smarting about how I went out on Mila Jovovich because Griffin's joke about her kind of tripped me up, but it doesn't matter. She has a sexual fetish for mid-tier genre directors. And I was like, yeah, Paul W.S. Anderson, and I spelled her name Mila Jovovich. Like, I forgot the double O-V. You forgot the Jojo. Yeah. Jovo.

But yeah my job was to read out the sort of like can you use it in a sentence kind of things. And my one for Michael Giacchino is Michael Giacchino's score sound like he's a really good dad. I forgot but I remember now. That's so good.

But I'm really proud of it because I think it's funny but I also think that's so good but I'm really proud of it because I think it's funny but I also think it's a good piece of film criticism like you listen to like why do I like his score so much this guy just has a great heart he's the best

like you hear his beating heart in all his scores did the Speed Racer score as well which is incredible does all the Brad Bird's movies a lot of the Pixar movies dude boxing

rules his two Star Trek scores for Abrams are top notch. Cannot wait for him to do a Star Wars movie. How dare you? John Williams will never do it. But Desplat is doing a...

He's doing Rogue One. Yeah, a story. Let him do a story. A Star Wars story. Not a saga entry. Anyway. Let's just... The end of this movie is basically an action sequence set inside the big red spot of Jupiter.

You know, say those words to me. I'm just like, yeah, like so happy. But I will. I was complaining about this to you earlier, I think, where it's like Balaam is like, OK, you have to sign over the deed to Earth. And then I promised I won't harvest it for a few hundred years. Right. And I am at this point completely hung up on like wait i was trying to kill her earlier why can't he just kill her then the deed will like revert to him uh and maybe it's

because she like certified herself yes and like doesn't have a will that would leave it to him if that's fine if they had killed her early no i get it in the operation room or in she wouldn't have been able to claim the title and they wouldn't have been able to prove that she existed and all that. At this point, she's been certified. She's got the tattoo. I get it. But in the movie, you're just like... You're kind of like... But I also think this ties to how many rescues there are in the film.

The film, on a basic structural level, is like you just get the main strokes. What does the character need to do at this moment? Even if you don't understand the larger machinations at play. I buy that argument. I know what you're saying. I think the film does kind of work on that level.

Basically. Because she just has to make the decision of like, you know what, I want to free my family because he's holding her family hostage. But I can't doom billions of lives just for that. So I won't do it. Now she is a little distracted by Channing Tatum

like flying around on his roller skates and fighting dragons and stuff. Who wouldn't be distracted? But you know she basically comes to this herself

and it's good. And then there's a bunch of nonsense that happens. Nonsense, nonsense, nonsense. And Redmayne doesn't get a ton to do. He does say, I created life.

Yeah, he does it really well, though. My problem with Redmayne is that in his final confrontation with her where they're on this landing platform that's about to fall into the mining abyss or whatever, they kind of get blown around. What are you looking up? I'm looking up a tweet.

Okay, fair enough. Eric Brown, listener, fan of the show, had a really good run of tweets on Jupiter ascending. But he said, people compare Jupiter ascending to an anime, which is app, but it's also like Jack Kirby directed a female-led Matrix Reloaded in space.

Yeah, that's great. But the Jack Kirby comparison I really like, because Jack Kirby was just sort of like, more stuff, let's just keep going bigger. Let's keep on going crazier with these ideas. And like all his fourth world books, he had more time to sort of explain everything and lay out the pieces. Right, right.

But this really does feel like a Jack Kirby movie to me and especially now that the DC universe is going into the Jack Kirby elements, you know? The fucking Batman versus Superman teases Darkseid and apparently Steppenwolf is the villain in the next movie, and Cyborg came out of a mother box and whatever. I swear to God. It's so frustrating to me to see that Zack

Snyder's the one who's getting the chance to do Fourth World because he's so literal and so oppressively self-serious. Wachowskis would do a good Fourth World movie. Oh my God. It's true. Wachowskis should have a DC fucking movie and get to do all the intergalactic stuff. No, but they'll never do something like that. No, they never will.

They're too original and weird and strange and they don't want to do a franchise movie. Is my assumption. Yeah. Because they've never really sniffed around that kind of stuff. I mean, Speed Racer's the closest they came to making a franchise. And it was a property that no one else wanted to make at that point in time. The other Eric Brown tweet I liked is, The Wachowskis are time travelers here to accelerate human consciousness with beautiful, crazy films about being nice to each other.

That's a good tweet. I think it's really good. But you interrupted my point. Sorry. My fascinating point. You asked me what I was looking for. I was going to save those tweets for later. Red Mane is about to die, basically.

And he's like, Do you know what my mother said to me before I killed her? She wanted me to kill her. You know, he's like revealing this thing we already basically knew Yeah cause he's talking like that. He's the bad guy. Suddenly loading mommy issues onto Jupiter. He's like Mother you

asked me to do it and she's like I'm not your damn mother and kills him. But like also like no. You need that from minute one. I am not interested in him suddenly being a weaselly little mommy's boy. Like I'm happy to do that but make it a grander arc it sucks and it feels like they're only doing it so she can have that like okay line although it should be i'm not your fucking mother like yeah that should be use the fuck you've got a pg-13 you got one fuck but here's the thing you

were saying about the pg-13 pg's and a hindrance. PG-13 is a hindrance. Yeah, this movie should be violent and crazy. Or. And there should be like bug guts everywhere. Or. Bug guts. Or it should be PG. Yeah.

I think this film's in a weird middle ground. But I think like studios are just like, no way. But this film kind of feels more like a kid's movie in a lot of ways. Yeah, definitely. It's in a weird middle zone. And you were talking about like. Because it's like about becoming a space princess. Like it's like very simple. Yeah. But much like Speed R yeah definitely it's in a weird middle zone and you were talking about like about becoming a space princess like it's like very simple yeah but much like speed racer it's also about like intergalactic politics and business but when you were saying that like

you know the matrix sets up a similar way here a lot of crazy concepts here things you don't understand we're going to throw you into the middle of it through this one character who's learning it as you learn it and you don't need to know what's happening you'll get it eventually or at least you'll get the broad strokes i think you know the matrix is a masterpiece this is nowhere near as good even if i have a crush on it and i want to make out with this me too i agree but like fundamentally i think the reason why the matrix was so big and this film flopped so hard is that this thing i keep on getting back to is like post matrix the wachowskis completely gave up on trying to be cool, right?

I agree. And The Matrix, for whatever reason- That's one thing that's wonderful about it. Is as dense as this film, right? It's clearer if you want to dig in, but it is as dense. But it is, by chance, by luck, by whatever, at that moment, they synced up with some sort of cultural notion of hipness. You know, I agree with you, though.

And some aesthetic coolness. When you compare that movie with its heavy metal score and its leather jackets and its sunglasses and its machine guns and its kung fu, and then this is like opera and crazy Renaissance-style architecture and fractal spaceships and goofy animal people. I think this movie should have been marketed.

I understand why they didn't want to do it because it's a bunch of fucking old men who don't want to believe in other people. spaceships and goofy animal people and like i think this movie should have been marked i understand why they didn't want to do it because it's a bunch of fucking old men who don't want to believe in other people but like this movie is meant for i feel like like young girls you know like if the like at the time the matrix came out everyone was like oh it's like these dorky like anime like sci fi bros it sort of feels to me like this is like them being like, this is the movie that we wanted to see as like children growing up. Sure. You know?

I think they wanted to see The Matrix too, though. They're not disowning The Matrix. It's just they never want to repeat themselves, except for The Matrix. It's like a fairy tale. It's like The Princess Bride, you know? And it is like this fantasy fulfillment element. You know, it feels like it's adopted from a YA novel

that we never got to read. It featured, you know, it feels like it's adopted from a YA novel that we never got to read. It featured, you know, two hot young stars. Like, I felt like they messed up on this film by trying to push it

to like sci-fi dudes who were like, fuck this, it's got cat people in it. Maybe an action movie. Yeah, you know? I don't know if it was

ever going to be a huge hit. It's an odd, esoteric film, you know? And it's so clearly them doing what they want to do in such an open-hearted way. And that sort of sincerity isn't very hip these days. But I like it.

I like it too. I basically agree with you. It ends with the rescue. They get out. And then we flash forward. Her family buys her. Yeah, her family's memories have been rewritten, so they forgot about it.

But I think the implication is maybe they've also been rewritten to just be a little nicer to Jupiter. Yeah, and they buy her a golden telescope. Much like her daddy had. Very nice. Which she was looking at on eBay earlier in the movie. That's why she was going to sell her eggs. Yeah, I know. And she's dating...

Sorry. Can we go check out the telescope on the route? I can't get a date tonight. And they're like, who is he? Is he Russian? Does he do this? And she's like,

I don't know. And they all laugh in unison. Card cut. Card cut. It's kind of weird. A hard fucking cut. So she's like, you know,

still cleans toilets. She is the queen of earth who owns it. Cool. And she's dating Channing Tatum and he has giant golden eagle wings. He's got his wings back now.

They gave him Mecca wings. What? Normal. Written and directed by the Wachows has giant golden eagle wings. He's got his wings back now. They gave him mecha wings. What? Normal. Written and directed by the Wachowskis. Well, now he's got these wings. Does he need those hyperskates? No, he gave them to Jupiter. Gave them to her.

And they just swirl around Chicago, the skyline together. It's beautiful. A kiss on the lips to you, Jupiter, ascending. So now I'm going to just throw a lot of stuff at you that we need to do. Sure. Okay. So now I'm going to just throw a lot of stuff at you that we need to do. Sure.

Okay. One thing I want to mention to you is a thing on Wikipedia that when I read it made my head hurt. Okay. An eight-minute-long chase sequence codenamed 52 Part by the film's crew depicts Jupiter and Kane fleeing from aliens-shaped spaceships in downtown Chicago. Sure. You know the scene. It was the longest sequence in the script involving the most difficult stunts. To complete it, Kunis and Tatum had to film every day for six months. That's crazy.

So they're saying that it was a six-month shoot and every day of filming had at least one piece of that sequence? I don't know. It's too vague to tell if it means that the shoot was six months every single day or if it was just the rig for these crazy stunts that took six months. That's impossible. It seems impossible. That's impossible. But I wouldn't Either way, oh my god. Oh my god. I do like that sequence and I will say

this. There are a bunch of shots. It's okay. There are a bunch of shots in that sequence where you can tell that Chang Tatum is actually being like blown around. Yeah, I see what you're saying. You know what's a good sequence? When Neo gets shot and he like flies back. And that took him a day. It took him a day.

And everybody remembers that. It was a big production. They got to make this crazy. I mean, this is such a blank check movie. And coming off of two massive failures, you know? Very much so. I mean, technically three. I mean, the Matrix revolutions

really disappointed the box office as well. Yeah, although it did make some money. It made money. And they made a profit off the second one because they shot them together. But this was like their big, like, okay, all that other stuff, don't worry about that.

Now we're going to make you a real Wachowski movie. Yeah. And they got $175 million to make something that was like cool sci-fi. And yeah. Well, we'll get to the box office. Another thing I want to say that makes me sad. Yeah.

Is that in a Reddit AMA, I don't know if you know this, Channing Tatum was asked by a user, Oh no. Jupiter ascending, what was that? Yeah. And he shot back, great question. I have the same one myself. Not that mean, but a little dismissive.

Yeah. So he might not have been happy. I was prepared for worse. Yeah. mean but a little dismissive so he might not have been happy our buddy Derek my good friend great friend best friend Derek Simon

he and I were really excited for this movie and like we're really disappointed when it got pushed back and we're looking at the trailers and everything and we're like why do you think it got pushed back and he was like I just read this interview with Channing where he said like you know after I had my big year I got off for all this stuff and I think I made too many movies and I'm worried that some of them

I didn't put enough into. Obviously put enough time into this, but I could see him being like, I gotta go from this to that to that to that. And there was a lot of business that he was probably just roller skating around. I mean, it's not shocking that he wouldn't understand. He doesn't have a lot of scenes just like him and Mila Kunis

hanging out. No. They do have a really good kiss, though. It's like a really good on-screen kiss. It's a good kiss. I agree. So the box office is $47 million domestic. Oh, boy. $136 worldwide.

It clears $190 million, basically. $183 million. Basically the budget. But still higher domestic gross than Speed Racer or Cloud Atlas. Yeah. By doubling almost.

Yeah. So what was it worldwide? $183. Yeah. Not good. That's not good. So can you

we're going to play the box office game. There's a regular segment called the box office game. Yeah. February the weekend of february the 6th 2015 can you give me this film open number three at the box office yeah well i can absolutely

give you number one because i remember having a hard time choosing which film i saw first that weekend and i did end up seeing the number one film first i have not seen this film it is really good yeah i want to see it uh i believe the proper title of that film is the spongebob movie colon sponge out of water correct yeah 55 million opening weekend deserved uh deserved it eventually cleared 162 domestic solid film better than the first like it a lot i like the first one i do too uh I just think this one's better. Also a film with a terrible marketing campaign because they centered everything around the live action segment at the end.

Which is like barely in it. Ten minutes. That's the end. Anyway, number two movie had dropped from number one the previous week. It was in its seventh week of release. Okay, so it was like a December. It was like a big December movie. So this is the biggest film of like December 2014.

Was it American Sniper? Correct. It was the biggest movie December movie. So this was the biggest film of like December 2014. Was it American Sniper? Correct. It was the biggest movie of 2014. Yeah. Even though it only was out for like three days in that year. Yeah, it didn't go into wide release until 2015. Okay.

American Sniper clearing $23 million in its seventh week. That is bananas. An almost Avatar-level financial success that has very quickly vanished from the conversation is american sniper yeah what other fucking drama opens to 90 million dollars fucking clean eastwood man it's insane he you don't mess with him don't mess he shits out eight turds and he's just like american sniper what's it about it's about a sniper. He's a sniper. 90 million a weekend. Oh, great. It's going to make 350 domestic. Yeah.

Anyway. Anyway, okay. So number three, Jupe ascending open to 18 mil, which is on the lower end of expectations. It's expected to open between 20 and 30. Yeah. Number four,

in its opening weekend, with $7 million on a $95 million budget. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, I think I know what it is. Was it another film that was pushed back an incredibly long time? The Seventh Son? Just Seventh Son, I believe. I don't think there's a definite article there, but yes.

Starring Jeff Bridges and Julianne Moore and Ben Barn and Kit Harington and Alicia Vikander. Hey, that film changed studios three times. That's crazy. It was produced by one studio and they pushed it back for two years and they were like, we don't fucking want it.

Nobody saw that movie. Nobody saw that movie. I refuse to believe seven million dollars of tickets were sold that weekend. Yeah, that's crazy. That's also another film

that weirdly did well overseas. Like, didn't make back its budget. Yeah, it made 100 mil worldwide. Yeah. 114 worldwide, yeah. Right, and it made 14 domestic.

17, yeah. Okay, yeah. Yeah, Right. And it made 14 domestic. 17. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Number five is a movie that I don't even know what it is. I don't remember. I think it's a kid's movie. It's a kid's movie?

Yeah. It's like a kid's movie or something. It's like a sci-fi movie. It's so hard for me to guess. It's like a sci-fi kid's movie, I think. I think it's found footage. Oh, Project Almanac? Yeah, that's it. Nailed it.

Yeah. Yeah, five mil. I don't know. I don it's found footage. Oh, Project Almanac? Yeah, that's it. Nailed it. Yeah, 5 mil. I don't know. I don't know what that is. It was a found footage time travel movie. Did you see it? No, I know someone who was in it so I just remember that film. That film also got pushed back like three years. Well, there you go. It was a weird weekend. It was a weird weekend of things, dusty

old gems from the shelf. Yeah, also in the box office hanging around Paddington, which is a great movie. Masterpiece. Great movie. The Wedding Ringer, which was one of the 14 Kevin Hart movies. Masterpiece. It's actually the one Kevin Hart movie I haven't seen.

Jesus. I don't want to see him be the straight man. Are you fucking kidding me? Get out of here. Imitation Game. Black or White, which I believe is the Mike Binder, Kevin Costner needs to protect

a black child from being adopted by her parents or something from her black grandparents rather than her white grandparents

that film was financed entirely by Kevin Costner are you serious yeah he paid for that movie out of pocket well it cleared

21 mil domestic and zero worldwide. Anyway. So, yeah, that's the box office game. Hey, but we should definitely start wrapping up. I know. If you guys would like, I could share with you some directors that I think would be cool to do a blank check series on.

Shoot. So, Guillermo del Toro. Okay. I thought he would be kind of interesting. Pacific Rim is a classic blank check. You know, Katie Rich suggested Baz Luhrmann to me. He doesn't have a lot of movies, but he's an obvious candidate. And he's got the Netflix show that's coming out in the next couple months.

Okay. Now, all right. This probably isn't the best example, but I got to throw it out there. Mel Gibson. Totally. Pacalifto, though? Totally good example. I would love to do it.

It's, once again, only four movies? Four. It's real short, but it would be kind of fun. A little problematic. We could just throw off a month of Gibson. Yeah. But this one I feel actually pretty strongly about. Okay.

So I don't know if you guys are even familiar. Do you know who Martin Brest is? Oh, yes. Of course. I would love to do Martin Brest. You just want to do a Gigli episode. Yeah, a writer-director of Gigli. I mean, I would just love to crush that. But he also made Midnight Run. He made Midnight Run and fucking Beverly Hills Cop. Which are so good.

Meet Joe Black is also a total blank check movie. That movie's crazy. And then his first film's Going in Style, which is about to be, has just been remade by Zach Braff. His first movie is Hot Tomorrows. Oh, really? So Going in Style was his second? But I mean, it looks like it was a tiny budget thing.

Okay. I would love to do Martin Brass. I would love to do Martin Brass at some time. Also, because we could do Pacino impressions. Oh, that's a good point. Sense of a Woman. Sense of a Woman. Anyway.

Oh, right. Sense of a Woman. Yeah, no one will listen to that series. That's the thing. and well yeah because we could do Sensible Woman Sensible Woman anyway oh right in Sensible Woman yeah no one will listen to that that's the thing that's why I didn't even suggest Martin Brest because it's not a very sexy idea

but maybe like fucking five years from now when we're just like a golden franchise do you know what I'm saying yeah sure if we can float it so before we get

to the book report yeah we should rank the Wachowski films okay I don't know how you feel about that and next week we're doing Sense8 I mean we're not done with the Wachowsk I don't know how you feel about that and next week we're doing Sense8

I mean we're not done with the Wachowskis but we're done with their films nod okay number one Wachowski film The Matrix I agree number two Wachowski film

this is where it gets tough. I'm going to go Bound. I'm going Cloud Atlas. Number three Wachowski film. Speed Racer. Me too. Interesting. Cloud and Speed are neck and neck for number two.

I'm not sure which I love more. Number four for me is Cloud Atlas. Your number four is? Matrix Reloaded. Number five for me is Jupiter Ascending. Bound. Number six for me is? Matrix Revolutions?

Same. And number seven is Matrix Reloaded. Jupiter Ascending. Okay. Good stuff. Okay. Basically love them all. Basically love them all.

Yeah, me too. I now sort of love the Matrix sequels, sort of warts and all. I love them as my fucking troublemaking kids. They're my two twins I have who are hellions, but I gotta love them. They got fucking troublemaking kids you know they're my two twins i have who are hellions but i gotta love them you know they got they got the right genes in them now what's the deal with this book report okay i'm gonna read it we'll see if i read the whole thing we might post the rest of it online we have a facebook page now you should like us on facebook here's an incentive we'll post the full a book report along with um some some fan fiction um

some erotic fan fiction that was written. This is from Adam Schwartz, a listener. We've gone over time, so we're going to end on this. Unfortunately, we're going to have to rain check a burger report. Well, do we have any burger reports? I don't have any. I've always got one.

Yeah, so let's save that for next time. We'll load it up, and the Orange Twist file we'll save for next time. I refuse to dignify that. The twist file um the fruit file do you like that name better okay so this is uh from a friend of the podcast adam schwartz here's the book report uh the title is m night shamlon becomes wide awake after he visits a few schools and makes an unbreakable argument for why he has a sixth sense about locating signs of what is happening in our nation's school system and what it takes to fix it. Hint, it takes a village.

There are two things that M. Night Shyamalan wants to make very clear to the readers of his book, I Got Schooled. One, that him and his foundation have, through copious amounts of research over a four-year period of time, compiled five solutions that, when used concurrently, will successfully close America's education gap. and two, that the person writing the book is visionary director M. Night Shyamalan. The main idea of the book stems from when M. Night Shyamalan was scouting locations for schools in the opening scene of The Happening. He noticed one of the schools he visited was shitty, so he decided to take it upon himself

to fix it. Why? Because he's visionary filmmaker M. Night Shyamalan. In his own words from the book, he's the world's biggest optimist. He always has to be the world's biggest whatever. This causes Knight to set up a dinner where he, his wife, Bhavana, Bhavna, I don't know, I'm sorry, Bhavna, and several other rich people, one of whom is simply named the social genius, I don't know why either, needs to once and for all fix, quote unquote, America's educational system. This would all be fine if it

weren't for Knight's constant back patting of himself. When you can't figure out who is to blame, his wife tells him, M. Knight, that's because you don't believe in enemies. Barf. I think he mean snarf. The five keys to closing the education gap I mentioned earlier based on the ideas that keys, the keys to make a person healthier, don't smoke, eat less fatty foods, et cetera, only work when you do them all in tandem. And if he was going to close the education gap, he wanted to find a similar list of five things. He allegedly does this, and the middle part of the book is devoted to explaining each of the five keys, which are no roadblock teachers, the right leadership, feedback, smaller schools, and more time in school. I'm not going to get into the middle portion of the book because it was where he got into detail on each of the five keys,

and it seemed like it was a well-researched collective of different studies that M. Night used to back up his points on why they'd be effective. It's easy to read and I think I learned a little bit about the American education system. I also learned what

food M. Night was eating every time he met with someone. Jesus Christ, he always mentioned what he was eating. The man really loves food.

End of report. Somebody reported on education for five years. Yeah. Thank you, Adam, for that book report. That was so good.

Book report was great. Book report was great. What do you guys want to give him? An A plus? Just an A. I'm going to give him an A. Yeah you know

strive you know always you want to strive. But I don't want to give anyone an A plus because I want that to be the thing we're all working for. I want to give myself

a chicken sandwich is what I want to give myself. Oh somebody's hangry. Alright let's do this. Okay Adam Schwartz thank you for the book report. Thank you. M. Night

it's just a lot of rich people try to change the school system in one day just by, you know, cobbling together a bunch of shit. Small schools have been statistically proven to be no better than big schools. A lot of other research I could give you, but this is not the time or the place. Yeah, I'll talk. It doesn't matter. How are you going to fix schools if you can't adapt to the last airman?

I mean, come on. You know? One step at a time. You've got to walk before you can run. These things are on the path. So we've got to do Sense8 next week because we haven't even really said goodbye to the witch house. Whoa, we're doing Sense8 next week and we're doing the animatrix after that.

So now I have to watch 13 episodes of Sense8. Yeah. Woo! Cannot wait. It's only 12, but they're each an hour long. Oh my God.

And a Netflix hour, not 44 minutes. No, I know what you mean. They're like 57. Peak TV, am I right? Peak TV. Am I right? Thank you, Adam.

Fan fiction, we'll post onto our Facebook page as encouragement to like that. Am I right? Thank you Adam. Fan fiction we'll post onto our Facebook page as encouragement to like that. Yeah please like us on Facebook. Join the Facebook page

keep on following us on Twitter. By the time you're listening to this You know what's cool? A billion dollars. The Facebook reloaded. By the time

this is you're listening to this the poll will be online on our Facebook and our Twitter so please vote. I love how we were like we'll be done by three.

Yeah right. Jesus Christ, we're a bunch of assholes. All right, let's go. All right, as always. And as always. Love dogs. I've always loved dogs. I've always loved dogs.

I've always loved dogs. This has been a UCB Comedy Production. Check out our other shows on the UCB Comedy Podcast Network.