Blank Check with Griffin & David - Lost in Space with Joey Sims

Episode Date: December 3, 2017

This week is a special family edition episode with brother of David, Joey Sims, who picked a favorite film of the Sims’ boys youth: 1998’s failed sci-fi adaptation Lost in Space. When did the age of nostalgic reboots begin in American cinema? What is getting ‘blarped’ mean? How is this a movie for kids? Together they discuss the career’s of William Hurt, Akiva Goldsman and Joey Tribbiani, the restrictions of early CGI technology, Sony Discmans and more. This episode is sponsored by Mack Weldon and Dollar Shave Club.

podcast will robinson podcast yeah that's fine that's great let's that's great that's what the whole movie was yeah exactly the whole movie was like we'll just do that right let's not let's not alter these diamond cut lines let's have a little line corner we can quote our favorite lines for the movie but let's not bastardize them in our opening let's show some respect he only says it though quietly right now what's the name of this character again remind me because i know what what what like kind of thing you know what type of creature he is device creature right the character's name is rub it oh it's just robot yeah oh okay fun robot it is funny because i would i got him confused with someone else. There are other robots.

Is this the fastest we've ever gotten to minute 35 of the podcast? We somehow very quickly got to running out of things to talk about. Come on, come on, come on. Hello, everybody. My name is Griffin Newman. Griffin Newman. David Sims. We're hashtag the two friends, and this is Blank Check with Griffin and David.

It's a podcast about filmographies, directors who have massive success early on and are given a series of blank checks, and sometimes those checks clear, and sometimes they bounce baby. Yeah, okay. Usually, that's what our show is. But today, for the second time ever, it's Bring Your Family Member to Podcast Day. This is work. I consider this work.

You can call it work. Okay. It's Bring Your Relative to Work day. This is work. I consider this work. You can call it work. Okay. It's bring your relative to work day. It's a family choice episode. I had my sister Romley Newman on. We talked Devil Wears Prada.

Yeah. And now today. We've got plans in the future for our producing friend. Yes. Producer Ben's dad. Purdue or Ben's dad.

Benducer's bad. What? Benducer's dad. I? Benducer's dad. I said Benducer's bad. You did. I didn't mean to editorialize. Thanks. Peeper's dad.

Dirt bike Benny's dad. Meat lover's dad. The fart detective's dad. You might as well get out of here. Fuck master's dad. He's not Professor Crispy's dad. He's graduated certain titles over the course of different miniseries. He's going to do this to your dad whenever your dad comes around.

What do you think your dad's going to think of that? He's going to get so annoyed. Bruce Urbain, Kenobi, Kylo, Ben, Ben Night Shyamalan, Ben Say, Say Benny Thing, Ailey Benz with a dollar sign, Warhouse, and Purdue Urbain. And we don't have another one. Oh, fuck. Yeah, man. We need a Catherine Bigelow one. We'll come up with it by the end of the episode.

Maybe. Okay. I forgot to point that out to you. Jeez. How about, all right. I really threw for a loop there. We got it. Just, we'll insert it later.

Yes. So, then, of course, my new nickname is. Of course, it is. Ben 19, the Fennel Maker. Oh, wow. I can't wait to hear that all the fucking time. I hope it's not Osama bin Laden. It's definitely not.

No, it's Osama bin Hazli. Which is what the fans are demanding. I am putting my foot down. I refuse to allow that to happen. No, it is not. Just show me a better option. I hope we were shown a better option. I hope we've been shown.

We're recording this in October. It's not coming out until December. And let's hope that in the time between when we recorded it and when it's released, when we've dropped in the name, the Ben nickname for Bigelow. It's not Osama Ben-Hazlip. Let's pray. Yeah.

All right. Okay, but no. Today, we have my brother in. Yes. Hello. Do you want to be called Joseph or Joey? Joey. Yeah, you're Joey Sims.

Joey Sims, baby. My brother's here. Joey Sims. I have not dropped Joey in adulthood. You haven't. I don't care. It works. In fact, you've embraced it, I would say.

I've embraced it. I think it works for you. Not what was planned, but yeah, it works. He's Joseph, but you know. And you picked a movie today starring another famous Joey. Oh, boy. It actually didn't really occur to me another man who owned joey it does feel like a movie that joey tribiani would be okay right like that's what it

is i would argue that's the number one lasting legacy of this movie right is the joke the mimi kind of like lost in space is weird because it's like watching a joey tribiani film right and this feels like the performance that Joey would give. Yeah, totally. I think Matt LeBlanc is a fairly good actor. And I, in general, I mean, certainly a good comedic actor. He has the ability. He has the ability.

Episodes. Right. Right. I'm trying to think of what else he's doing. Man with a plan. Oh, God, I forgot about that. Is that, did that get canceled? No.

No, it's still on. Okay. They just killed off the wife in season two so he could marry Leah Ramin. Is the whole point of Man with a Plan just that he's a dad? He's got a plan. What's the plan? I think he doesn't. Raise children.

Okay. He doesn't have a plan. His plan is be a dad. Okay. Is the plan in the title ironic? Does he not have a plan? I don't know. I've never seen it.

I'm just reading and the plot is his wife goes back to work, and he has to be a stay-at-home dad. Which is what they've now reworked Kevin Kinwaite to be. Is that what Kevin Kinwaite's about? I thought Kevin Kinwaite was about grief. Well, the Sony executives said that the reason they killed off Aaron Hayes as his wife was because they wanted to see him struggle to be a single parent okay but I thought he was gonna get with Liam but are they just gonna date I don't

know because she was his partner she was like his old cop partner on the show I don't think they're dating yet I have no idea we shouldn't talk about things we don't know we shouldn't talk about things we don't know she was introduced in suitable grieving period. We shouldn't talk about things we don't know. She was introduced in the first season finale as a police detective who had worked with Kevin on a major case. And they bickered. And then she becomes his boss. The boss of his security company. So there'll be like a workplace thing.

Here's what could have happened. So it is about grief. She could still become his boss and he could still stay married to the woman who was not killed off by executives. But it would be weird. It would be weird. Because it would be

it's his wife from the last show. No, David, you're right. It would be very weird to have two actresses on one sitcom. I know. It would confuse my brain. It would be like

shifting without a clutch. Now, are they going to talk to each other about just things that don't relate to men? Would that be like a thing? Oh, we can't do that. Have you watched Kevin can wait?

Cause you're the one who alerted me to the clip. No, but that clip was just amazing. I mean, that clip made, made the rounds wildly. No, I would not watch it,

but I was, I said that the bringing us back to men with a plan, which I think is more relevant. That's what we're talking about. That's what we're talking back to man with a plan which I think is slightly more relevant that's what we're talking about man with a plan every clip I've seen of it is just about him never having a plan he's just an idiot he's so rich why does he have to do this

no he's got crazy residual money that's his plan when you ask what the titular plan is it's to get a hundred episodes out of man with a plan and make more residual money but That's his plan. When you ask what the titular plan is, it's to get 100 episodes out of Man with a Plan and make more residual money. But this was kind of like the total dead end of his film career. This is the total. We're talking about Matt LeBlanc.

Matt LeBlanc. And the movie is Lost in Space. Just to be clear. A Matt LeBlanc vehicle. 1998 Stephen Hopkins masterpiece. Lost in Space. Written by Akiva Goldsman. It was the end, but it was also the beginning, wasn't it? Was there anything before this?

There was Ed, where he plays baseball with a monkey. And that's it. Again, that also sounds like a mouthful. And then Charlie's Angels, where he's supporting, supporting, deep supporting. That's what I'm saying. But after this, right? He has made nine movies in total in total in total like he'd made a movie called ghost brigade sounds good uh with corbin bernson and martin

sheen it seems to be some sort of civil war drama but it's a supernatural horror film oh cool i don't know man uh didn't he also make a war movie where he dresses up as a lady? Oh, I was going to get to that. He made All the Queensmen with Eddie Izzard, where he plays a British person, I think. Right. No, he's American. Izzard is British. And they have to infiltrate a German factory in Berlin dressed as women.

It's a World War II movie? World War II. So it's like... And I think it's... Some like ii movie world war ii so it's like and i think it's some like it hot but with nazis i was about to say i think it's based on a real event but there's no implication that it is so they were just like right some like it hot with nazis okay apparently it it made minus 99.9 percent of its budget because it cost $15 million. Jeez.

And it made $23,000. Jeez. He made that while he was still on Friends. That was like a film. He was like, in my summer, you know what I'm going to do is make all the Queens men.

Okay, wait. So nine in total. Those two movies, two Charlie's Angels. Two Charlie's Angels. A movie called look in italian sure well i mean yeah that if look in italian if the boot fits a low budget independent film an homage to scorsese according to writer director guy magar hey that's who's credited here. And he said, to me, the words looking Italian meant looking good. Looking Italian.

And then Ed, which has a creepy guy in a suit as a monkey. It's a little person in a robot suit. Here's the poster. He's high-fiving them. That was while he was on Friends. That's like at the height of Friends. Correct. 96.

Right. And that's like my dad's old adage about like don't do the talking horse movie you know this whole thing uh no but my dad's like big advice he gives to his students is like don't do the talking horse movie because it's like you'll make like your your like short film and you'll get a bunch of offers and someone will come to you and go like we can pay you half a million dollars you have a 40 million dollar budget and you get to make the talking Horse movie. And if you make this, it'll be such a big hit that then you can

make whatever you want. And you take the Talking Horse movie, and the Talking Horse movie's terrible because you never cared about it in the first place, and then your career is ruined because you're the guy who made the Talking Horse movie. Yeah, Talking Horse movie is rough. Right. But like, Ed feels like a Talking Horse movie. If someone being like, Matt, you're popping on Friends, you want to be a leading man,

right? Do the Baseball Monkey movie. want to be a leading man, right? Do the baseball monkey movie. But he doesn't even talk, right? No, he's not a talking monkey. He's just a pitching monkey. And this is pre-air butt. Pre-air butt. He also made a movie with Ali Larder

called Lovesick a couple years ago. A couple years ago? Shrug, that's all I got for you. It was the opening night movie at the Newport Beach Film Festival. Newport Beach Film Festival. Chevy Chase is in it. festival chevy chases it he probably did five minutes and he did it yeah okay all right so that's what matt leblanc's up to now but then this is his big commercial play being third build in a lost in

space uh gritty reboot but he is kind of the lead. One thing that's fascinating about this movie is that it has no lead. Okay, yes. I agree with that. Matt is not even above the title. He is not. First build on the film is the villain. Gary Oldman. But that's also the most important character on the TV show.

Which is why I think that's why he gets it. He's certainly the biggest actor at the time of the release of this film. Where's he at? Where's Oldman at? I think this feels like the movie he made to finance Nill by Mouth or whatever. This is where he's like... But he's coming right off of Air Force One. He's riding high at this point.

He at this point had been... He had established himself as the top villain in Hollywood. This year he had made Fifth Element, Air Force One, and Nill by Mouth. Right. Yeah. I mean, he's big. I guess so. But then after this, and Nailed by Mouth. Right. Yeah. I mean, he's big. I guess so. But then after this, he doesn't make anything for a while.

And this is sort of the end of Hurt in studio movies, the big Hurt. Oh, it is. We're going to talk so much about William Hurt's performance in this movie. I swear to God. I mean, there's just one line where Joanne and I just looked at each other like sort of scandalized, like late in the movie. He hates that he's in this movie. He's so mad that he's in this movie.

Like furious that he's in this movie. Oh, my God. William Hurt. Yeah, the big Hurt. What had he been up to? Michael the year before. Yeah. Good poll.

No, two years before. 96. Jane Eyre. Right. The Zeffirelli Jane Eyre. But this is the end of studio picture leading man William Hurt. Same year he has Dark City. Okay.

He's really good in that. He's very good in that. He is good in that. And One True Thing, the same year as well, the cancer movie. It's cancer, right? Yeah, that's the Meryl Streep. Meryl Streep, Reese Withers. I mean, Renee Zellweger.

I think it's cancer. I don't know. It's a sick movie. Meryl Streep, yes, it's a cancer movie. It's a Carl Franklin movie. Yeah, it's Streep, Z know it's a sick movie Meryl Streep yes it's a cancer movie it's a Carl Franklin movie um yeah it's Streep

Zellweger William Hurt Tom Everett Scott that's your four Lauren Graham's in it a young Lauren Graham a movie starring three people

who have won Oscars and Tom Everett Scott Tom Everett Scott that's the poster it's the three of them and Tom Everett Scott each of them's holding their trophy and Tom Everett Scott's

doing the shrug oh um and then yeah so then after this hurt is yeah that's just kind of gone for a while is that true it's gone he's gone he's in sunshine that like multi-generational ray fines movie i've never seen it that's like an art movie history of violence is sort of a comeback history of violence is right that's what I'm saying. It took that long. But you know, I mean, he has his little roles because he pops up in AI, our favorite movie. Right, which he's very good in. He's in like one scene

in Changing Lanes. He's in The King. He's in The Village, of course. Changing Lanes was one of my ideas for this. But I thought you might want to do a Michelle. Roger Michelle. That's not how you say it. It is how you say it. Roger Michelle. You said it right. That's an interesting filmography. Wait a second. Now I want to look at Roger Michelle. We're never going to do Roger Michelle. We Michelle. It is how you say it. Roger Michelle. You said it right. That's an interesting

filmography. Wait a second. Now I want to look at Roger Michelle. We're never going to do Roger Michelle. We're going to do Roger Michelle.

My Nightmare in a Ridge. No, that seems like a TV movie. Notting Hill. Titanic Town. Notting Hill. Changing Lanes. The Mother. Daniel Craig fucks an old lady.

She's not old. Middle-aged lady. Enduring Love, which is okay. I like that movie too. Reese Evans, very good in it. Venus, Peter O'Toole's swan song. Yeah.

Morning Glory. Which is... We talk about a lot. Have you seen Morning Glory? I actually haven't seen Morning Glory. Oh, Joey, you would love Morning Glory. It's the beginning of the Ford trying period. Harrison starts trying again.

Should have won the Oscar. Hyde Park on Hudson, which is enough to completely invalidate any Roger Bisham. Fuck that. Something called Low Weekend. Oh, yeah, no, that movie's charming. It's Jim Broadbent and Lindsay Duncan

go on a vacation. TC-14 herself. Sounds great. A befuddled Broadbent. Do you know who else is in it? Do you know who else is in it do you know who else is in that movie Jeff Goldblum I believe

Jeff Goldblum is a third build you're welcome you are welcome that movie looks completely insane. I'm sorry I had to take my headphones off because I was so horrified by that movie. And then My Cousin Rachel

this year, which I didn't see. You know the weird thing about Roger Michelle is because Daniel Craig loves him. He did those two big movies with him before he got really big. He always gets thrown out every time there's a new Bond movie. Every time there's a new Bond movie every time there's a new Bond movie he's on the short list

of the three people because Craig keeps on trying to get Roger Michelle hired to direct a Bond that's uh I don't know that feels like a poison chalice for Roger I agree shouldn't do it no good very bad don't do it do you like changing lanes that much? no but I watched some I went back and like watched some

clips of it and I was like okay this isn't quite as good as I remember it being but it's just sort of fascinating because it's you know the kind of movie that doesn't get made anymore

we haven't worked it recently for that reason I camped in a box office game and we were like how did that movie exist it like made money got decent reviews number one

two weekends in a row came out in April never got talked about for Oscars who cares it's just sort of like yeah like it's a car accident, you know, and the

lanes, they change. There's like no real pitch. That was a period of time where you could release a drama on over 2000 screens with no Oscar aspirations. Like, do you think if I was interviewing Ben Affleck and he's just like in his stupor, you know, he's like melted into his chair. Vaping. And his, yeah, vaping and his like shirt tails are coming out of his fly or whatever you know what i mean and i'm like changing lanes

though and he like there'd be like a flicker of light in his eyes he'd be like yeah in my head he's just brando now yeah ever since that one picture of him where he looks really disheveled i'm like affleck is gone completely off his rocker. The best one is the one with him on the Dumbo ride at Disney World after he and Garner filed for divorce, but they clearly had booked this family trip together. And it's him doing full sad Affleck

but just on the Dumbo ride looking off into the middle distance. Jesus. Here it is. What were we talking about? We're talking about? What the hell are we talking about? We're talking about William Hurt because he was in these little movies. And you're right.

We've talked about it before. History of violence comes around and we're like, Hurt's back, but he's not really back. No, until he finds his role. I mean, his iconic role, the one that's going to go down in history. General Thunderbolt Ross.

Yes. Remember when he reprised that role in Civil War? We all remember it. Do you remember that? No, you don't remember it. But this movie is sort of, it feels like,

a constant insult to her. It does. Because if anyone is, in theory, the lead, it's him. But the movie gives him nothing. It's a thankless role and you can tell that he's like,

maybe I'm done with this. Maybe I'm done making these fucking Hollywood movies. Not only is it a thankless role, both can tell that he's like, maybe I'm done with this. Maybe I'm done making these fucking Hollywood movies. Not only is it a thankless role, both Oldman and LeBlanc, the other leads, keep being like, get the fuck out of here, old man. You're a useless professor. What do you have to do? And then his kids are like,

how are you doing, kids? Fuck off! I hate you, dad! Except for Heather Graham, who's like, I love you, father. I have no emotions. All I love is the project. We must complete it. Can I get some recognition for my Penny impression?

That was great. Dad, I hate you. Oh, I thought that was Will. Now, Will, 1998, how old are you? Oh, I was jealous of this kid. I'm going to say, Will is a real Griffiniffin newman in 1998 yeah role yeah i think he's a genius i looked him up yesterday he's that actor jack johnson jack johnson he talks about banana pancakes he of course uh wrote uh all the songs for the curious george soundtrack um but he

uh it is banana pancakes i'm right right okay he's two years older than me so in 1998 I would have been I was nine he was eleven when they shot this I guess yeah

but I was very jealous of him he got to be friends with a rabbit he got to go into space with Heather Graham who I had a very big crush on when I was nine sure

that's it I mean he didn't make another movie basically no pretty much not no he did voice roles in like two other animated films.

Yeah. The thing I find interesting about LeBlanc in this movie is it feels like he got the part and was like, okay, this movie asks for a Han Solo. You have to be this roguish cad who the audience can't approve of but can't stop watching. Right, you got the dad, root and figure of authority. You got the villain, and then right off to the side. You know what this movie could have been called? What?

The Dad, the Bad, and the Cad. Well, one of the problems is that... The dad, please go ahead. One of the problems is that... The dad, the bad, and the cad. In theory, yeah, it's supposed to be like, well, you can't quite approve of his roguish behavior. But what roguish behavior exactly?

For instance, the thing that he does in the first scene seems entirely reasonable. And people keep yelling at him for the rest of the movie. But it's like, what did he do wrong? Well, the dynamite first scene. This movie cannot pick a lane. This movie cannot pick a lane. We'll get to LeBlanc's later activity in which he basically nudges William Hurt

and he's like, I really want to fuck her. And Hurt's like, that's my daughter. And he's like, oh, that's your daughter. We'll get to that. But no, you're right. The dynamite first scene is an action sequence like no other. They're in bubble fighters.

Where they're like, spaceships have been cool, but what if they're not cool? Wait, first off... We've had a lot of cool spaceships over the years, right? In general, this is a space movie, but it sucks.

We're skipping, I think, what is the most important thing about this movie. Okay. You've already skipped over it. You think you're starting over again. This movie starts way too quickly. This movie completely skips any kind of foreplay.

It does have like 20 seconds of voiceover explaining. Right, right, right. But specifically, New Line Studios logo, and then no titles, no company credits. No, no, no. No slow ramp up of score. This ain't your daddy's sci-fi picture. It goes from New Line Studio logo to the second, the millisecond the logo ends, William Herb going, in the year 20.

It's way too fast. He doesn't even take a breath. There's not a breath they cold cut from the end of the logo there may be an overlapping it's now ships in space and him going in the future no no that's right this movie is 130 minutes long yeah it's not short no and it feels like they cut an hour out but it feels rushed right would you agree i would agree it's so incredibly it's half a movie, but it's also four movies.

Right. How is that possible? It's insane. This movie defies space and time. This movie's on Netflix. I'm pretty sure it'll still be on Netflix forever because I'm pretty sure Netflix spent $10 on the rights to this movie. Right.

I mean, no one's like, no, no, no. Let me get lost in space off of Netflix. I think I can find a higher bidder elsewhere right so it'll be on netflix you can watch it on this movie is the kid from

preschool who always had to like stay an extra hour and a half after school with the teachers because his mom kept on forgetting to pick him up like that's new line with the rights to this movie on streaming they're just like oh does netflix still have? Can you hold on to it for like two more years? It was long in the works. Yeah. Like the idea of doing a Lost in Space movie. Well, Beloved series. Yeah, I guess so.

And this was in the 90s. I've never watched it. Have you ever watched it? I've watched it, yeah. I mean, I've seen like an episode. 90s were the start, I would argue. The 1990s were the start of nostalgia culture in a major way. Okay, sure.

Right? And 90s, studio filmmaking, suddenly, it's all these revivals of 60s properties. You have a lot of that going on.

You got, like, the shit, like the Flintstones, you know? You have these cartoon adaptations. Charlie's Angels, which doesn't come out

until 2000. But, like, these these kinds Starsky and Hutch then we're getting to 70s stuff 60s, Lost in Space the Brady Bunch movie certainly you know? the Flintstones, all that shit why'd they never make a Jetsons movie?

they've tried forever Robert Zemeckis is doing a TV show which I think is a bad idea. But here's the opposite of that, okay? Lost in Space should never have been a movie. This entire premise is designed for television. They're lost. They don't know.

Every week they're going to go somewhere else and not find their way home. By making this movie, to fitting it into the constraints of a self-contained narrative, but also trying to launch a franchise off of it, is a nightmare. It's a nightmare. It's a total nightmare.

I mean, you want to talk about nightmares for a second? Let's talk about nightmares for a second. I'm not trying to brag here. Uh-huh. My underwear right now. Stinky? It's not even a little bit antimicrobial. To high heaven it stinks.

Oh, God. Stinking up the whole room. Wait, so you're saying, let me just collect myself. Sure. You want antimicrobial underwear. I want something better than whatever I'm wearing right now. I don't even know what I'm wearing right now. I just wanted something better.

David? What if you could wear clothes that, like, you know, from a company that believed in smart designs and premium fabrics but with simple shopping that sounds like the opposite of a nightmare you know like you just go on mac weldon.com for example okay to me to me the best example okay let me think that through so i'm w w you can buy dot hold on i'm just working through the hypothetical right here m a c k W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W- You could buy the most comfortable underwear, socks, shirts, undershirts. Well, let's not go too far. Hoodies, sweatpants, tons of other stuff. I've been all over this website.

I bought a swimsuit on this website. I'm not going to lie to you. David, I have another embarrassing confession to make. Amazon doesn't pay residuals on any of their TV shows. So I don't know if I can pay full price for this. I'm just a lowly regular on a TV show. A couple things I want to say to you

one definitely have an agent look at that contract that sounds bad they don't do it for anybody I'm telling you this is across the board welcome to the streaming world

baby I know it's crazy actors are getting gutted number two how about if you got 20% off at macwildon.com I was going to ask for 19

so I just have to adjust my expectations. 20? Yeah, I'll go for that. Yeah, 100%. You could get silver underwear. You could get silver shirts. That's antimicrobial. Wait a second.

Silver underwear. Look, I'm not some performative showboat. I'm not going to put on silver underwear just so people think I'm a robot or a knight or something. No, but all it means is that it eliminates odor. Oh, then I'm fine with that because I'm a stinky boy.

Why don't you be comfortable? If you don't like it, just return it and they'll refund you. No questions asked. Okay, what if I want to keep it, then?'m fine with that because I'm a stinky boy. They want you to be comfortable. If you don't like it, just return it, and they'll refund you. No questions asked. Okay, what if I want to keep it, though? Then you can keep it, and you can get it for 20% off using promo code blank. Okay, so let me look for the promo code here. Remember when these were going to be short?

B-L-A-N-K. Well, hey, that's a dream right there MackWeldon.com Promo code blank 20% off It's that easy Yeah that's a dream Yeah

But back to Lost in Space It's a fucking nightmare A nightmare Which is why Which is why the movie Tries to be like Four different things And is not successful

Being any of them And none of them Have anything to do With what the first Action sequence is which is just its own little dark gritty thing which we then never return to but this movie is dark and gritty in like the most lame hollywood way possible what how it fucking kills the characters on screen it like it has like weird bitey spiders like it's trying to be creepy. It's trying to be real. I guess maybe at the time. It's got an emo kid.

Yeah. And people objected to how dark this movie was when it came out. Yeah. I'll say another thing about it. This was an era where if you were rebooting a previously goofy property, you had to strip all the goofiness out of it. All the intentional goofiness out of it. So in the original, they have these cool silvery jumpsuits. All the intentional goofiness out of it. So like in the original they have these like cool like silvery

jumpsuits and the aliens all look like really like it's like Kobo the carrot man and shit. Right. And in this all of them have like black jumpsuits. Like it's like very much of a piece with like the Bryan Singer X-Men where it's like Bryan Singer X-Men. Right. We're not going for realism. Like it's not like fucking

2001 A Space Odyssey where they look like practical ships. But we're also not letting any kind of like exciting creative stylization excuse me and i'm gonna bring us back bubble and then like a shark's mouth sort of wing around like it's eating the bubble and from that guns like one gun right so it sort of goes like this. Bubble fight. Yeah, it's a bubble fight. It's like a bubble fight? So as we know, as William Hurt tells us, Earth's not doing so hot. They built a hypergate. Oh, sure.

Hypergate. Hypergate to hypergate over to- They spin in space now. So is this a pre-spinning in space kind of reference? Well, can I throw out my hot take? Because we're already telling-toeing around. This movie's Interstellar for morons. Yeah.

This movie has the exact same plot as Interstellar. It has a similar plot to Interstellar, except Interstellar doesn't have a key and thought-through element that this movie has. Blarp. Blarp for sure, but no. The global sedition. No corn. But they talk about there's no food left.

Yeah, yeah, no, I get the idea. Earth is uninhabitable. I don't think Interstellar invented the idea of Earth being uninhabitable and us leaving. Correct, Lost in Space created it. That's my point. That is weirdly, if you go back and watch the trailers, what the trailers for this movie focused on, of, like, the Earth is uninhabitable and now they have to go like save us which like does not seem like the pitch for a lost in space movie which is supposed to be a fun space adventure not about like the

apocalypse this family has to save humanity but but also uh they i can't believe we're not talking about the global sedition there's the overlap No, they are a crucial threat. The global sedition. Global. He's turning my mic down. As I try to warn viewers and listeners. I feel like, I know we've already started. I just think it's a great name, Global Sedition. I know we've already started talking about the movie,

but can the brother Sims get into your relationship with this film for a moment? I think it's important. Because I'm a concert context and I need some, baby. All right, Global Sedition, off to the side for this. Put think it's important. I'm a concert context and I need some, baby. All right. Global Sedition, off to the side for this. Put it on the table. Table it.

I'll hold it right here for you. Thank you, Ben. So I have no memory of seeing this movie in theaters. You did see it in theaters. You did. But I was, what was I, nine? 1998.

Yeah, you were like eight or nine. Yeah, you weren't even nine yet because this movie came out April 1998. We'll talk about the box office. This movie occupies an interesting point in box office history. It's the icebreaker. We were in New York.

I remember this very clearly. Visiting because we lived in London. What? Wait. You too? I was also there. He was there as well. He really lived in london what wait you too i i was also there he was there as well i really he really lived in london only one person really grew up in london because when we moved i was five and he was nine not to derail no you're right on your podcast but i think that's fair i think it should

be spoken of but we were in new york apparently i don't remember this i have a terrible memory in the spring and what movie did i want to see lost in space baby yeah now our cousin rebecca i had invited her to see it i wanted to see it with her because i think we had been it was some sort of family you know occasion and she refused to see this movie why because lacy chabert was in it i was gonna guess that yes mockingly jokingly rebecca who if i was when this movie came out i was uh 12 sure she was probably like 15 16 and hated lacy chabert because of party of five okay hated her so much because she was the whiny girl from party of five like I mean, this is pre-Wild Thornberrys. Yeah, Wild Thornberrys starts up this year, too. Pre-Mean Girls.

This is Lacey Chabert trying to make Blarp happen. Lacey Chabert, who I want to be clear, is 100% the best performance of my favorite part of this movie. Oh. 100% Penny Vision. We're all going there. I mean, you know, I'll hear takes about Jared Harris, but no, no, no. But she didn't want to see it because that's how much she hated Lacey Chabert.

Which maybe it was just a personal preference. But when I was a kid, really instilled in me that Lacey Chabert was a very polarizing actor. And she does have a really reedy voice. She has this really intensely specific voice. Sure. She's got a dog whistle voice. And I guess it really bugged my cousin. I like her voice, but it is definitely...

And also this movie filters it through voice recording technology, so it sort of accentuates it. And this movie's take on the character is, what if she was horribly unpleasant? What if she was a regular 12-year-old? Sure. I love it. She's supposed to be 12 in this? 14, maybe? Okay.

I don't know, something like that. What do you think? 14 sounds more correct. This mission sucks. This mission sucks. This mission sucks. Especially for the kids. They're going to be virgins for the rest of their lives, I guess, basically, right?

Because they're getting sent into space with their fucking family. Nothing about the colonization. Anyway, I'm going to get back to that. I'll get back to that. I thought of that right away. I was like, damn, that sucks. Especially you're 14, you're horny as fuck. Yeah, she's horny.

I like how horny she is. Nothing about bringing them along makes any sense, but we don't have to. But that's the premise of the show. That's the premise of the show. That's LeBlanc's entire pickup technique. Truly, that's what he keeps hitting

is like look I mean it's only a couple of us the consenting line guys did they have to guys we'll get to that stop sidetracking us

so you see it in theaters we saw it in theaters at the AMC Lincoln Square good theater whatever it was called back then I think it was an AMC I saw it at the

what's that theater called you know the one the 123 that's on like second avenue yeah city cinemas one two three it freaked you out

a little bit you didn't you were pretty little you did not love the spider man future smith still freaks me out I think it's pretty scary

I think it's scarily badly potted I think that it is as with many other things in this movie at an alarming disconnect from what's around it it's so scary looking in a movie that is theoretically for kids that is true it's like the design is weird it's like why did they go this far and it comes out of nowhere no one is expecting a huge spider-man like no one thinks that's where we're going i was expecting

like his skin's a little different or whatever. He's got some spider bubbles on him. But no, he is a 15-foot spider. That's the other weird thing about this movie. Sort of. I was reading articles from the time when it came out. Because this was presented as being a big blockbuster. It was a big blockbuster. It was big-ish.

$80 million budget. Right. This was one of the first cracks doing like a big spring blockbuster. Right? Yes. And New Line is in like an interesting transitional phase at this point.

This is them trying to make like a huge sci-fi movie for them certainly. I mean they were yeah whatever. But when everyone was like why would Gary Oldman sign on to Lost in Space

and he was like I want to make a family film. Like I want to make one my kids could see. And I'm like right this is ostensibly It is a family film. In that it stars a family.

Right. Well, okay. All right. So we see it. You were a little freaked out by Spider Guy. I see it again in theaters. I saw this movie twice.

I think I saw it twice in theaters. Because I saw it again at the Park Slope Pavilion. So it was all within my trip to America that I saw it. Sure. And then I bought it on VHS

the minute it came out. Uh-huh. And so that's where we would just watch it over and over again. We watched it constantly. Constantly. And like it was back in the day, that was all we had was our VHSs.

Yeah. And this is what I was trying to find with you is like one of those movies that we watched over and over again. And this is, it's just a perfect one. I'll say this. I wanted to do SWAT. We've talked about it on the show. But I later. We almost did SWAT.

I later kind of realized as Joey's kind of like, I think you might like SWAT more than I like SWAT.'ve talked about it on the show but uh we almost did SWAT I later kind of realized as Joey's kind of like I think you might like SWAT more than I like SWAT uh-huh or like more might more be obsessed with SWAT than Joey is with SWAT and like SWAT came out in 03 I went to college in 04 may have been more of a college movie for me sure I may have misattributed it to like uh to Joey I don't know what do you think I don't know I re-watched it when we were considering SWAT yeah and I uh think SWAT is a pretty weird movie that there would have been a lot to say about it. SWAT's weird. It's sort of fun, but also quite sleepy.

And the cast, of course, is ridiculous. The cast is crazy. The cast is almost the best thing about it. We will mostly have talked about the cast. Yes. And then Joey suggested Superman Returns, which I said we can't do because we have to hold off for when we do the podual suscasts. The podual suscasts.

Our Bryan Singer miniseries. I mean, I understand what you're trying to do. Pod in the giant cast. I don't know. Pod in the cast layer. Come on, that's sweaty. Pod cast. The dad.

The dad. The dad and the cad I mostly just wanted to argue with Griffin about Kate Bosworth who I think is amazing

in Superman Returns she's so good in that movie I think everything is amazing in Superman Returns and so does David I think like everything else

in that movie is amazing I think it's a total masterpiece I would have talked about it for way too long because it's also

so long there's so much to discuss yeah there's a lot in that movie but then you throw out Lost in Space and I realized, oh yeah, we've watched Lost in Space a lot. And then I realized it was on Netflix.

I threw it on Netflix and within 10 minutes I realized I knew every line to this movie. And I was slightly horrified at myself because I hadn't seen it in probably 10 years. Sure. Then Joanna came home and was like, what are you watching? I was Lost in Space and she was like, I've watched this so many times for some reason. Yes. Joanna? Yeah, I know. It's weird, right? That's weird. And she was like, I've watched this so many times for some reason. Yes. Joanna? Yeah, I know.

It's weird, right? That's weird. But she used to rent it all the time. See, I don't think I ever watched it at home. I think I saw it twice in theaters. This was, there was this span from like 97 to 98,

early 98, right? That was big for me because I was not allowed to watch like most blockbusters, action movies, sci-fi movies, comedies that ground my arm super overprotective. And this was the spin where the door

started to creak open a little bit. And the three I distinctly remember just unabashedly going like, or the four I would say, where I was like, masterpiece, masterpiece, perfect, were Not in Order, Lost in Space, Lost World Jurassic Park, Godzilla, and Batman and Robin.

Okay, now rank those movies now. Now? Yes. And we're talking about Roland Emmerich's Godzilla, to be clear. Correct. All four of them I thought were great because I had no context. And two of those movies were written by Akiva Goldsberg. I was going to say the through line in so many of the movies that it sounds like you, but definitely me, love from those years from my childhood is one particular name.

And that's Akiva Goldsmith. But also at this point in time, like I hadn't seen any of the other Batman movies. I hadn't seen Jurassic Park. I hadn't seen Independence Day. Like I'm seeing the shittier versions of the movies that everyone else loved. And because I hadn't seen them, I was like, this is amazing. It's a movie with spaceships. Yeah, right, right, right.

Batman's in a movie? How can you top that? And everyone's like, it's the fifth Batman movie. Like, what are you talking about? How would I rank those four today? Yeah. Seriously, it's hard to pick a number one.

I think Lost World is number one. I agree, but it's a soft one. It's a soft one. I think Lost World is number one. I think, but it's a soft one. It's a soft one. I think Lost World is number one. I think... I think this is number two. I think Godzilla is number two for me. God, that movie is rough.

What do we know about her? She's 500 feet tall. I hate that movie. Oh, no, no. I'm fucking up the line. The line is, what do we know about him? He's 500 feet tall. He weighs 6,000 pounds.

He's storming through New york city and he's pregnant is that broderick yeah i'm like paraphrasing but it's the line where he realizes the godzilla is more like momzilla yeah yeah more like we watch it constantly on vhs and the reason i mentioned this mission sucks before is that i feel like i have a memory, and I don't know if this is a correct memory, that I feel like that is the line that we would the most just sort of say back and forth at each other at random moments. And like our mother would not have any idea what we were talking about. This mission sucks. This mission sucks.

I guess so. I do remember that. We had many little weird in jokes like that. It is true that this mission does suck, objectively. That has been said. This mission sucks. It does suck. It's weird that she's true that this mission does suck objectively that has been said this mission sucks does suck it's weird that she's just realizing this but uh and it's a great hard cut uh it is for this movie get lost uh that was one of the taglines for this movie that's just such a gimme

along with especially for 1998 exactly along with danger will robinson yeah cool great tagline yeah one of the best but that was the iconic line from the show it was and also launch at the date well fuck that sorry that's what I got for you

let's go back to the bubble fighters the Apollo 440 theme song that plays at the end of this movie bubble fighters bubble fighters so we opened about the Apollo 440 theme song that plays at the end of this movie. Bubble Fighters. So we opened and we're told Earth Failing, Hypergate

and apparently they built the other Hypergate. They don't explain it at all. They're going to build it when they get there. Isn't that the idea? No, but the idea is that I guess so. They build the other Hypergate and then people will be able to jump to wherever they go and then humanity will be saved.

Am I getting that right? The hypergate isn't even like a wormhole. It's just a navigator. Like you go through it and it just helps you go to the right spot. Right. Okay. So they're going to build this hypergate,

but unfortunately the evil global sedition is against this hypergate. Why? Why? The thing that's saving all mankind? Very hard to understand what their problem is against this hypergate why why the thing that's saving all mankind very hard to understand what their problem is with this thing because they want to go uh instead i think it's just the fighting for who's going to colonize i guess so but like why don't they build their own hypergate is that they're trying to sabotage this hypergate while they build their

own because then all the other people will then be at the planet well you want the planet you're saying that they are trying to sabotage the mission because they want to be the ones who colonize instead of the robinsons well or whatever robin the robinsons are so working on behalf so they're cock blockers is what they are at the same time there's also supposed to be this idea that people think the world hold on hold on on. What am I trying to say? You're saying the cock block. Yeah. Okay, fine.

What were you saying? I thought I should just go right past that. It was good instinct. At the same time, there's supposed to be this idea that most people apparently think the Robinson thing is a stunt and that the planet is going to be saved

through environmental technology. Right. This is when the first real note of Interstellar hits me. That scene where they're like, actually, what you know is... The recycling technologies came too late. We've been lying about everything.

Everyone's fucked. That's when William Hurt says that the ozone is at 40%, which is a line I really love. Yeah, that's great. That sort of suggests that half the Earth should just be scorched. People should be dying of cancer

in the streets. There's this huge dial up on the screen of like, where's the ozone at? And every now and then it like goes down. Everyone's like, oh boy. Shit.

That's why we had it this month with the recycling technology. That's why I thought they chose to have the desert hologram thing because like, I was just assuming the whole planet's

fucking desert for the most part. Okay, but bubble craft. There's a great scene of bubble craft. Bubble fighters. Bubble fighters. You got but bubble craft. There's a great scene of bubble craft. Bubble fighters. Bubble fighters. He got LeBlanc.

He's bubble fighter one. Yeah. This Cold War just got hot. That's the other one we would always say to each other. We would say that to each other all the time. Lenny James. This Cold War just got hot. He's so good.

Really? It was a cold war? Yeah. I don't get it. You built bubble fighters to deal with a war that's never happened. But then they always talk about how he's a war hero. Yes. So he fought in some war.

Right, it sounds pretty hot to me. No, but this Cold War just got hot. Do you want to hear my LeBlanc take? Yeah. Lenny James is just really down. Lenny James has aged, like he's de-aged since this movie.

He seems like he's 58 years old in this movie. Right. He looks younger in The Walking Dead. He does. And his voice is like

80% less gravelly now. Right. Like what happened to him? It's like how like Wilford Brimley was like 32 in Cocoon. Yes. You know,

Wilford Brimley was like 40 in Cocoon. I know. I know.ford Brimley was like 40 in Cocoon. I know, I know, I know, Mike Ryan points that out a lot. Wilford Brimley's a comically old looking person,

but Wilford Brimley never got younger looking. You know what I mean? That's the point, because you see him show up in like, did you hear about the Morgans? It's like, has Wilford Brimley

been cryogenically frozen? What the fuck happened? Okay, here's the high LeBlanc take. LeBron James had more of a Piven arc, where it's like, he somehow got younger. Sure. Here the Matt LeBlanc take. The Lenny James had more of a Piven arc where it's like he somehow got younger.

Sure. Here's my LeBlanc take. Yeah. They offered him this role. Apparently, it was originally Sean Patrick Flannery. Yes. What?

The boondock Saint himself. Matt LeBlanc was cast, apparently. Number two? No, these guys were number 11 and 12. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Very good call. They hire Sean Patrick Flannery. Then when they put them all together, they realize or they decide that he looks too much like the Robinsons. He looks too much like Bill Hurt. Yeah, William Hurt has sort of Irish look to him, you know, right? They said we need a different look. I don't even know if he's Irish. So of course, they go, who do we get?

Who do you get? The next big action star. Let's look to the cast of friends and of course they offer the role straight to matthew perry who turns it down i swear to you no this is that's 100 true that's 100 true he knows this shit imdb they offer it to matthew perry he turned it down and then they went to leblanc that's just rude i mean this is also when matthew perry is gripped by a prescription drug addiction so maybe he was like, I'm 110 pounds right now. You don't want me playing.

But he also had done a couple of rom-coms at this point. Yeah, but he's not going to play this role. No, of course not. LeBlanc is at least like what you're looking for, right? So I think LeBlanc gets this role and he goes, okay, this is my chance to be Harrison Ford. I know I play a shitty actor on TV who wants to be playing this type of role and audiences have seen me do a bad impression of someone

do fake but good acting I need to work as hard as I can to push all the Joey Tribbiani away from this character which in the process makes it feel like the exact performance Joey Tribbiani would give he doesn't say how you doing but he might as well be Joey Tribbiani but it feels like Joey Tribbiani would give. That's the thing. He doesn't say how you doing, but like he might as well

be Joey Tribbiani. But it feels like Joey Tribbiani being like, no, I gotta be taken seriously. Like that's the problem. If he played it more like Joey, great Joey. Thank you.

I gotta be taken seriously. It probably didn't help that he was filming Friends at the same time as he was filming this movie. Exactly. That's really what hampered him. But I think if he played it

more like Joey Tribbiani, not that performance would be good, but it would be better than what we got where he's just in every scene being like, what's the opposite of what Joey would do. Um,

but also the dialogue is terrible. Dialogue is, the dialogue is good. He saddled with night and he saddled with the worst out because he has to do all these one line. Right. That's a cold fish. I'd like to thought,

do I have that right? You have that absolutely right. That's the cold fish. I'd like to thought he says to the cold fishes, father flips the switch and the monkey flips the switch. Uh, he has so many more. absolutely right that's a cold fish I'd like to thaw he says to the cold fish's father monkey flips the switch and the monkey flips

the switch he has so many more if this is if this is what was it if this is a dream why aren't there more girls which yeah

which he says it has no relation to anything around it it's just something that they shot one day they were like on set and they were like Matt can you just sit down

and we're gonna shoot you saying if this is a dream why aren't there more girls and then we're just gonna find somewhere in the movie where we can just insert that. We'll put that in because it's when they see like the time bubble. Yeah.

So he performs a daring rescue of Lenny James in Bubblecraft. He gives him a little love tap, but don't take this the wrong way. Don't take this the wrong way. Hey, what are we married now? Oh my God, I want to marry you, Lenny James. Look, I'm just kidding. When's the wedding? Like, I think they want to get married. I think the central thing is he doesn't want to be marry you, Lenny James. Look, I'm just kidding. When's the wedding? Like, I think they want to get married. I think the central thing is he doesn't want to be ripped apart from Lenny James.

Stop ostentatiously changing my levels. And I like to yell. And that's why he's objecting to be putting on this mission. Because I want to be on this mission. If the earth is dying, let's get out of here. But he's like, you don't need a fighter you don't need like a real pilot like a trained monkey right monkey flips this way okay so what do we think of the first action scene which after which immediately after which like the last line is like

you know this doesn't mean we're married you're not getting out of buying these beers that easy literally the second after that line is uttered, the title sort of swooshes across the screen in a weird font that you can barely read, because it's like, cool. This movie does that thing where this is very Goldsman-y, but sets up the, hey, you owe me

beers after this, and then when Lenny James almost dies, it does the, you ain't getting out of beers that easily. 80 seconds in between the setup and the punch that easily 80 seconds in between the setup in the punchline like that should be seconds in a daring like minute space rescue but that joke works if you set it up at the beginning and it pays off at the very end right or at least an act later but the movie like doesn't give you time to like no it's distracted you with a bunch of gay panic humor and then it's like oh we're back to the beer. This cold wood just got hot.

The funniest of all panic humor. Love of panic humor. Yeah, but then they just flash the title and LeBlanc saves him and everyone's like, you're fucking irresponsible. Why is it irresponsible? They're basically not ever endangering the spacecraft. He killed the global sedition.

Yeah, guess what? It also worked. Like, everything worked. The bubble craft was going to fly into the hyper gate. It's not like the bubble craft was just going to, like, die. It was like he was actively stopping the- Look, David, David, I don't know why you need to explain this. Everyone knows that the bubble craft was going to crash into the hyper gate and destroy the global sedition. Everyone knows this.

So they've already bungled his introduction because he's supposed to be this crazy, like, I'm going to do my own thing guy. And for the rest of the movie, they commit to that. And they try to commit to that, but he never does anything to justify it. As if he hasn't already proved his mettle. Actually, there is stuff he does later.

He also has weird little eye targeting that doesn't come back. That's just the one time. What do you think of the special effects in this scene? It looks like a PS3 game. It looks like Red Alert 2. It doesn't look good. It doesn't. But it makes me realize how good

video games have gotten. It's true, because they could do this now. Totally. Even when it cuts to the live-action LeBlanc element, I'm like, the rendering's pretty good where this could just be a PS3, PS4 game. It's like the era of like now we can make like the entire battle in CG. We don't need to

do models for anything. And they can like get the textures right but there's no weight to anything. And the lighting is off on everything. And the design on both ships are weird. It's bad. It's bad. It's bad. Okay and then as you say this movie just like hits the ground running

and like needs to get going really, really fast. So then we cut to Dr. Hobby giving a speech about whether or not we can create love, right? That's correct. And he opens up a woman's face and, you know. And Ken Lung's there. Tells her to take her shirt off and Ken Lung's there. He's giving a speech.

Who cares? I don't even know about hyperspace he's talking to reporters and they're covering up the fact that their pilot was murdered yeah right they're like what about his illness and the general's like well anyway the general who is Don West from the TV show

I believe he comes like please please no questions about this incredibly insane mission it's fine it's all fine let's scuttle him off. He meets with William Hurt. I mean, with Matt LeBlanc. Right. And they tell him that his friend, who he thought was sick, has been

murdered. Yeah, and that the world, which he thought was saved by recycling technology is, in fact, not. And he says we should pulse blast their bases, which tells us that apparently the sedition. We have pulse blast technology. We have pulse blast technology and the sedition has bases.

I don't know where those bases are or what's going on with all that. I don't know. Sure, let's pulse blast him. I did not pick up on that. And he also says man was born on earth, but he was not supposed to die here. Do not go gently into that good night. Don West says all that yes uh so he's hired because william hurt likes that he stuck up for his friend it's not really clear what he

says he'll do after he's like after the guy's like so you sabotaged or you you went into disobeying an order and put technology at risk to save a friend? And he's like, yes, sir! I did, sir! And William Hurt says he'll do it. He's supposed to be like William Hurt's father is the vague idea that is not referenced that much, but is there in the movie. Wait, William Hurt's supposed to be like his father? Malibu can sort of be akin to William Hurt's

war hero father. Right, because he says, like, I studied your father's battle techniques. This movie is also about kids who look up to dads who promise they're coming home and don't this is true like

Interstellar alright stop comparing this movie to Interstellar you could have done you could have done all this on the Interstellar episode when it would have

been appropriate because I think Christopher Nolan ripped off this movie yeah I mean I think it's fair also I don't know if you noticed

TARS was an executive producer on this movie well Blarf was an executive producer on Interstellar. I know! There's double dipping going on. Blarp, yeah, he's a vice president of acquisitions at Paramount. Well, we're getting ahead of ourselves, okay? So now we cut back to the Robinson family.

Oh, we got to meet them all. Right, and here's Mrs. Kensington. Just say the actors. Mimi Rogers. I'm stealing Jard's bit. Uh-huh. Vanessa Kensington's mom. Stop it.

She's more famous. She's famous for other roles. I haven't seen her. Not recently. Not recently. Well, you know what? She's in Door on the Floor. Sure.

Classic. The Rapture. Sure. She's in ginger snaps uh which is a good movie i'm sort of her father was a high-ranking official in scientology and right she famously got tom cruise into scientology and then left scientology and was like scientology is real wacky i don't know what tom's doing yep Yep. Which is funny. Playing one of the most thankless roles I have ever seen in this movie. She gets nothing. Nothing. She gets nothing to do in this movie.

The character apparently has some kind of role in the mission, but it's never really explained. It's true. Or there are no details. The mission is five people. Three of them seem to have no role at all. Right. It's really just William Hurt and Heather Graham's show. And Heather Graham's job seems to mostly be the cryopods.

Right. William Hurt's job is the rest of it. And then it's like what they're supposed to colonize. They're a family. Yeah. What are they going to fuck each other? Like what is this plan? I mean, I don't mean to be crass, but like Ben's kind of right.

Like what's the plan here? You got like William Hurt is what? 50? Big Hurt? 50 at least. Mimi Rogers is around there. Heather Graham's like early 20s. Hey, Roger's probably late 30s.

And a 10-year-old. Right, right. I mean, what the hell is this? Like, what is, these are the people you select? Yeah, LeBlanc just gonna slip that Italian salam to everybody. Gonna pass around the gabagool? I don't know what's going on here anyway yes we're introduced to her

see he's doing legend no more monkey business guys to quote Mimi Rogers your favorite quote no more monkey business and the principal that she's talking to is who is the original Miss Robinson

gorilla with a bikini this is when you realize Who he's talking to is the original Miss Robinson. She turned into a gorilla. That's very good. Gorilla with a bikini. Gorilla with a bikini. This is when you realize that Will Robinson is Dexter's lab. Yeah, he is. Right. He is Dexter's lab. He's the smartest little boy in the world.

All he cares about is science fairs. Right. And Lacey Chabert is Dee Dee. Right. No, but even though Will Robinson is this close to cracking time travel, the only thing he cares about is his dad showing up at a fucking science fair. Right. His dad never shows up.

No. And Lacey Chabert, who hates everything. She's 14 and hates everything. She's really emo. Right. That reminds me of the birthday messages I got for four years until I stopped getting them. Great job. She sounds like a Muppet.

Yeah. She's awesome. She's my best friend. Her name is Penny. She has a TV show called Penny vision that no one can watch. Yeah. It's weird. I mean,

she was sort of like the original vlog. She was the original vlogger. She's recording her life. She's got a fucking vlog. Yeah. And it's like on a wristband. It's cool. She's got a lot of like,

sort of like tank top over shirt with cargo pants. That's like kind of her look. Sure. It's like a really defined, like late 90s like i don't how do you have a bottom car carter stole her fight club look from anyway it's the smudgy eye makeup yes the weirdly layered pale like you know highlighted hair yeah yeah um yeah she's a rebel it's not clear exactly what she's doing but the mom at one point says she's being brought home by security

every night so maybe she's like fighting the global sedition herself she misses chocolate, she misses kissing Billy, I believe is her boyfriend she looks like a character that you would pick at the loading screen of Crazy Taxi

there you go i figured it out you know down to like the spiky hairdo yes yes yes 12 comedy points yes yes so i love her she's my favorite character i wish the movie was called penny in space sure uh that'd be great but no they're all going in space matt leblanc's gonna drive them and uh then and then as we're just racing through this yeah we're just racing through this, we really are racing through this. This is like 12 minutes. Maybe.

And the opening battle scene is like seven. And then Gary Oldman shows up. He's in desert. He's talking to someone else who has a really weird voice. Yeah, no. Gary Oldman in this movie is trying to serve up a plate of prosciutto. Oh, boy. He's trying to pretend of prosciutto. Oh, oh boy. He's trying to pretend it isn't ham.

Oh, yeah, okay. You know what I'm saying? He's like, well, this is finally cut. It's aged. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on, it's ham. No, this is, I know ham when I know ham. I know ham.

This is supermarket two days after the expiration date ham. Because he's been doing it. What he's done is he's taken his sandwich from, his ham sandwich from the fifth element, left it in the fridge. He's brought it out a week later and he's like,

no, no, no, no, gourmet. Right. Because, no, because that's the thing. He's in this villain run, but all the other villains he's been doing are really big, right?

Air Force One, Fifth Element, Leon, even like his small role in True Romance. He's going like huge cartoonish. And this he's like, let me try to just give you a touch of the ham. Let me try to be elegant. Leon, even like his small role in True Romance. He's going like huge cartoonish. And this he's like,

let me try to just give you a touch of the ham. Let me try to be elegant. But this performance is completely bonkers. What do you think of this performance, Jeremy? I love this performance. I think he's fun. Purely, I think he's amazing. Whether intentionally or not, it feels like he is just commenting on

how terrible this movie is and how he's just trying to make the very best of it that he can. I agree. And this is the best character from the original show and the best performance in the original show. Jonathan Freeman, I believe is his name. Yeah, who was like not even supposed to be the star of the show and he kind of just broke out because he was like, oh, I

hate families, you know, and everyone was like, this guy's who I want. I don't even get it. But this one makes a weird decision because with that it was like, oh, he's doing nincompoops right it was like it's a lot of alliteration if i remember correctly and i haven't watched the show in forever yeah yeah but if i remember correctly he was like secretly the like turncoat within the group he was always like a risk this movie they know he's the villain from minute one. They do. The whole movie is just a question of how to deal with him. I know.

They should kill him. Right. They should fucking airlock him. That's the thing. In the original series, I believe they just hire him as the doctor, and they don't know that the doctor on the ship hates them. I thought he sabotaged them. I think the original series has a very similar premise to this.

But I'm saying they bring him on, and then he sabotages them. I get what you're saying. Well, he's supposed to be the doctor on this ship. No, he's not. No, he's not supposed to be on the ship. He's not supposed to be

on the ship, but he did invent the cryo technology. Right. They mention him. Which is why he has access and is able to do whatever. But he's being paid

by the global sedition. Can I just do a quick merchandise spotlight? What? Yeah. So there were a lot of toys for this movie it is very toyetic right uh a lot of elements like they all came with fucking spiders that did different things or whatever and also i mean the designs were so good i mean how do you

not capitalize on these suits cryo suits yeah proteus suits sure um the ship looks kind of cool there there is there i want to get to the ship because I have a lot of feelings about it. I do agree with you. There were three different Smiths that were produced, which is weird because it's like rarely. He's just a guy. And he's the villain of the movie. Well, is one of the Smiths a Spider Smith? One of them is the Spider Smith, which they packaged with a covering over it so you couldn't see.

Like there was like a spoiler box. Sure. It was just called Future Smith and you didn't know what you were buying, okay? Then one Smith is just like Smith in the black jumpsuit. But the one I want to get to is an action figure from this scene which feels like a weird thing to make a toy out of and it's called Sabotage Action Dr. Smith.

When he's got his little box that he does sabotage with. And you're like, what's the sabotage action? No action feature. It's not like there's some fucking sabot box that he does sabotage with. And you're like, what's the sabotage action? No action feature. It's not like there's some fucking sabotage action. They tried to make it sound exciting. It's just him in a maroon jacket. And it's called Sabotage Action Dr. Smith. All right, thank you.

No more merchandise. That was the spotlight. I finished it. Turn him down now. That was the spotlight. I finished it. Go ahead, Jason. I don't recall if he's supposed to be a believer in the sedition.

I don't think he is, right? He just wants to make a lot of money. Whoever's the right price, right? For the right price, he'll join any side. That's kind of the thing. Well, that's his whole monologue that he gives when he's been uncovered where he's like, I see the world differently from everyone else. You know? You don't

remember that monologue. He's taking the red pill pill he is a bit of a red pill yeah um i'm sorry uh yeah to give my regards to oblivion that's something he says uh never fear smith is here he says a lot and like the movie in some ways the movie doesn't once they're on Once they're off adventuring after they have defeated his plan, in some ways, the movie never really, again, figures out what to do with him. But I still think he's amazing because I think Oldman is just so good. He's got that scene with Will at the end that's amazing. In the chamber, that's like... Right.

Where he's talking over to giving him the gun? Yes. With that amazing composite shot over his shoulder oh there's a fucking split diapator shot yes which I was like

damn like I miss those yeah and in all of those he just does wonders with this horrible

it's prosciutto dialogue which the rest of them have no idea what to do with Matt LeBlanc has no idea what to do with

it's so overwritten I know okay I get it. Here's what you need and here it is. Right. He's been here before.

He's like, oh, I find myself in this river again. Great. Yes, I can handle this. So he- Whereas like William Smith is like, no.

I mean, William Hurt. Like, I will escape. He climbs into the vents and tries to sabotage the ship, which he does, but then they electrocute him because they're like, fuck you.

Yeah, they just sort of leave him on there to die. And they burn this thing onto his hand. They think he's dead, but then after electrocute him because they're like, fuck you. Yeah, they just sort of leave him on there to die. And they burn this thing onto his hand. They think he's dead but then after the Robinsons get into their cryo chambers and go to sleep, after LeBlanc tries to slip the gabagool. And after the monkey flips the switch.

The monkey flips the switch. So the Jupiter One is like this big launcher. It launches the thing. It goes into space and it splits apart and then we got Jupiter Two. I love that. I love it too too that's the shit i love that's the kind of thing that movies like this do that i just love so much that like that the whole takeoff sequence with the guy at the like control room who's like you've never seen before never seen again on your command apparently he's like major west's best friend even though we've never seen him before he probably should

be lenny james that might have made more sense but whatever it doesn't matter this launch just got hot and then you have that reveal which I guess is a reference also to the original show but I don't even know that is that the idea that the old one looks more like their ugly ship from the TV show and then it like breaks apart and it looks cool and modern yes yes which they do the opposite thing

with the robot the lost in space ship is a flying saucer it's like a literal flying saucer. Jupiter 2 in this movie kind of, I decided, it looks like a Ford Escort from 1998. Oh, I have a different take. It's all rounded.

No edges at all. I think it looks like a certain era of Sony Walkman. It looks like a Walkman. When they started doing colored Walkman. Or like a Motorola Pebble. They were just like, round. Everything should be round. Just like blobs. Everything looks like

a blob. Like a cool blob. I had a metallic blue Walkman that looked just like the Jupiter 2. I think it's just what happens to cars at that time in the mid-90s where they're like, no more edges. Round. Yes. I love the design of the Jupiter II.

I actually like the sets of the ship. They're a little sterile. Uh-huh. But I think it looks okay. Yeah, I agree. I think it looks okay. It's nice to see a set in any circumstance. That's what I was going to say. It's cool that it's a set.

This movie has a lot of sets. A lot of really fancy sets. Big for real sets. It has a couple matte paintings. Okay, so's cool that it's a set. This movie has a lot of sets. A lot of really fancy sets. Big for real sets. It has a couple matte paintings. Okay, so this was the Discman I had. That looks exactly like the Jupiter 2. I remember that thing. We'll tweet it, but we'll remember that thing.

That was my guy. That was my main guy. I was losing appetite for destruction on that dude every day. Bing dong. Bing dong, bing dong. I'll get it because I need to go to the bathroom as well. Okay, okay, all right. You can walk out as I'm opening the door.

Harumph, harumph, harumph. Hello, sir. Hello, you may not recognize me because the follicles of my face have grown out some. Perhaps you recognize my famous mustache, but not the whiskers on my chin, the sides of my face. I gotta say, I'm not really picking up on who you are. Usually it's just the mustache.

Famous mustache. Wait, are you Inspector Hukuparwaro? No, I'm not. I appreciate. That was not a bad guess. He has the most famous mustache in the biz. I'll give you a hint. Do not pass gold. You're Mr. Moneybags. Rich Uncle Pennybags.

What is your actual name? I always forget. Rich Uncle Moneybags. Pennybags is my nickname. Okay, well, how are you doing? Well, I have a bit of a problem. You see the whiskers on the other areas of my face, my chin, my cheeks, my sides. You've got a lot of hair on your face. I want to keep that mustache nice and trim and neat. So you're looking for perhaps an amazing shave?

Well, but here's the issue. Yeah. My budget for the shave is $1. Okay. Well, can I tell you about my Dollar Shave Club razor? You have to understand, a man does not become as rich as I am paying, what, a million, two million dollars a shave? Okay.

You have to be fiscally conservative when it comes to your shaves. Okay. Dollar Shave Club, which you may or may not have heard of. It's only one dollar. What? They make products for your hair,

for your face, for your skin. Well, I'm bald. I don't need that. When you're in the shower, well, you have a little, well, a little tufts on your head. I never shower.

I'm bathed. Anything you need. Bathed by the dog. You know the dog token? Yes. I don't want to copyright infringe, but yes, I know the dog token. You don't want to go down this alleyway? Yeah.

Ben, how you doing? Okay, look. I'm slapping the sawbuck down on the table. Tell me what I can get for this dollar. Well, I think a sawbuck is more than one dollar but yes um uh money it doesn't matter anyway don't say the word yeah i got it um uh it's uh all their own original stuff oh they use their own premium ingredients. They deliver it to you. In a thimble? A little tin thimble?

Sometimes. It's more in a box. I got a box. Is that box delivered by an old-timey race car? Sure. It means you don't have to get in your old-timey race car to go to the store. You don't have to go to the drugstore and walk around being like, what product do I need?

They just give it all for you. I'm wearing my metal top hat. It's heavy. All right. Heavy lies the metal top hat. All right. Listen, Mr. Pennybags. Yes, Rich Uncle Moneybags.

Pennybags is my nickname. Sure. I want you to love Dollar Shave Club as much as I do. If I only have to spend a dollar, I'm in. So I've arranged for you to try the first month of their best razor, which you'll get. You get the shaver and you get the razors.

Okay. Replacement razors come. Okay. Along with travel-sized versions of shave butter, body cleanser, and yes, you won't see this coming,

even butt wipes for $5. How did you know? After that, replacement razors... butt in the business. David, How did you know? After that, replacement cartridges... I have the dirtiest butt in the business. David, how did you know

what a mitzvah you've done for me? After that, replacement cartridges ship for just a few bucks a month. It's the DSC starter set. I mean, at this point, if they can clean my butt, I'm down for anything.

You get it for $5 exclusively at Dollar Shave Club. Okay. DollarShaveClub.com slash check. Well, you know what? That at Dollar Shave Club. Okay. Dot com slash check. Well, you know what? That's Dollar Shave Club dot com slash check. But David, I've just met you.

How can I believe you? What do you know of these products? I've gotten these products. They've delivered me the razors and the replacement cartridges and all this stuff. And I love using it. Oh, my chutes and ladders. It came right to my door. Wow.

In a tiny little box. Yeah. Even the butt wipes. Yeah. It's the, you know, the whole package. How does your butt smell now? After you get the DSC Star to set, your butt smells pretty good. Hey, now.

Hey, now. For being such a good friend, doing such a kindness for me, here. Here's $500. Keep the change. Thank you, Mr. Pennybags. It's money, obviously, so it doesn't count. Oh, it's not even worth it. You said it again.

But what were you going to say, Ben? I was going to ask for some money, too, but... Oh, that's fine. Here's $2,000. Wait, he gets $2,000? Oh, wow. Thank you so much. Anyway.

It's from the game of life, though. Look, guys. So it doesn't really matter. All right. So just go to dollarshapeclub.com slash check. Yes. Five bucks a month. Replacement cartridges.

We'll ship for a few bucks a month after that. You get a whole package. And my mustache will be returned to its glory, its spotlight on my face. Okay. You've gotten me out of pop-o-matic trouble, one could say. Hey Griffin, how you doing? Oh good, I just had a good pee. Oh god, what stinks in here?

It's my butt. See you later, my stinky butt. Yeah, they built all these cool sets, but given the fact that they had all this money and they could build all these huge sets, I think it feels somewhat overwhelming. Underwhelming, given you had all this money and they could build all these huge sets, I think it feels somewhat overwhelming. Underwhelming. If you had all of

that space, because most of the space on the ship is just nothing. It's true. There's one console that everything happens at with really stupid looking chairs. But it's also not like that was a deliberate design aesthetic. It's not like they were going for a sparse minimalism. It's just like they ran out of shit.

They just only had a certain number of ideas the chairs also go up and down at one point you're right pretty much it the chairs are a little weird because they have these like tubes that sort of like you know rest on the back of your head these weird sort of like beetle shell i would i would argue it's one of the least active like someone at the controls i've ever seen in a movie. I feel like there's no steering wheel. There's one scene where Matt LeBlanc has something that he sort of tilts up and down. It suddenly appears.

Before that, when they want to go forward or back or shoot things, he just, like, taps a button in the way that I would tap my iPhone. Like, he's putting in that much effort. And the monkey flips the switch. Yes, we all know it's the economy. But they're all in cryosleep. Robot wakes up. Now, I love the design of Robot know it's the iconic one. But they're all in cryosleep. Robot wakes up. Now, I love the design of Robot because it's like, what if a robot was bad? Looked shitty and was stupid and it looked bad.

And also, I know you're talking about design, but in terms of characterization, their take is, what if a robot had zero chill? Sabotage ship. Sabotage ship. Kill Robinson. Kill Robinson family. He has to announce everything that he's doing. Gary Oldman programmed me. How else would we know?

I know. He's very subtle otherwise with his four arms that shoot electricity, but like two main ones. It's like, what if there's like a robot torso with arms, right? And like a head. But then he's on top of like more arms. What lies beneath? Rated R.

Playing at AMC Village 7. He's voiced by the original robot guy, right? Yes. Like Dick Tuffield. Mr. Movie Film's dad. Yes. He destroys things for a while, but then they wake up and there's one really weirdly brutal scene where he's going to electro blast the girls. Sure.

And Mimi Rogers is clutching Lacey Chabert to her like bosom and saying, look away, baby, look away, which is like not something that you need to include in this scene. You know what I mean? And immediately that's when Will is like,

comes out with his, he's like a robot. Obey me now, you know, like, and, and saves the day. But like, that's like, robot, obey me now, you know, like, and saves the day. But like,

that's quite a note to put in there at the last second of that action sequence. So they all wake up. Sabotage has been done. Dr. Smith is there. He's got sedition burn on his hand. Now that Oldman is awake and he realizes the sabotage ship would kill him. Right.

All he cares about is his own life. But he's got the fucking thing and then they immediately realize he's a piece of shit and he fucked this up but judy's chamber won't open so he's like you gotta make a choice right right right right and he's like give me a word as an officer that you won't kill me and then and then meanwhile while that is happening they're also careening into an enormous sun they're're careening into the sun, so they use the hyperdrive to go through the sun. Yes. Because the hyperdrive, as we've been told in William Hurt's detailed lecture...

Where are we going? Anywhere but here. Right. If you don't have the hypergate, then you just end up somewhere. Right. So they don't want to waste it, but LaBlanca's like, trust me on this one. Let's talk about Heather Graham for a little bit. Sure. Her role in this care in this movie,

her character's function is to be the stickler, to be the pro, right? She's a, yeah, she's sort of the, uh, the data of the next generation or whatever.

It is one of the least convincing depictions of authority I have ever seen. I mean, her one job is to go, Oh shit, you got to listen to her. She knows what she's talking about. And every scene she kind of shrugs off like well, it looks like her gas is pretty low.

She's a year off of Boogie Nights. That's in 97. New Line was trying to make her a star. She had these three big New Line movies. She's in Austin Powers, which is New Line. Comes out the following year. And she's in Bowfinger the next year. Which is one of only two good performances she's given I would argue. Yeah. And she's in Bowfinger the next year. Which is one of only two good performances

she's given, I would argue. One with Boogie Nights? Yeah, I think Boogie Nights and Bowfinger are the two good performances playing essentially

the same character. And, you know, she had been around for a long time. Like, she wasn't young. No.

I mean, she was born in 1970, so by this movie, she's already, you know, she's 28. Yeah. But she's just breaking out

and after Bowfinger, I would say that's the end of heather graham as a serious star right yeah like it never even begins yeah no she had a couple big shots yeah more opportunities than she probably should yeah right because like after this she gets like from hell the guru she's an anger management i don't remember that yeah yeah yeah she is you know and then like the it's like as quickly as it has she's on scrubs right and then hangover was like a quote-unquote comeback but then once she had that platform everyone's like oh right she wasn't very good

and of course emily's reasons why not right uh canceled after like 40 minutes of its first episode but she was one of those weird examples where I feel like when people saw her in Boogie Nights they were like, oh shit, is she an amazing actress? Because that performance is so specific and it was like, oh no, this is just... She's just a good fit for the role. She fits this one thing well and she can't play anything else. She can play sort of like very

naive, you know, like optimistic. But she's also like this cute girl that Will, Matt LeBlanc, not will, wants to make out. That's her other quote unquote role. That's pretty much all she gets. She's supposed to deliver technical exposition

and reject kisses. That's all she's supposed to do. She rejects at least three kisses. Constantly with a different sort of quip each time and they get worse each time. When she's told that he's a war hero she says, who was it who said that those who can't think fight?

Which means she's insulting him for being a war hero, which is sort of weird. Right, which is weird. And then she says, complete the quote, I think that it was me. I think that it was me.

It's like you're quoting yourself in question form. You're so much worse. They don't even write good rejections for her and they just play out that beat of like him being like you should make out with her and her being like no is played out like five times over the course of the movie he's like what if we made out and she's like no

and he's like great and like 20 minutes later he's like how about now it's only the two of us do you want to do it and she's like no thanks I brought it up earlier and I want to just speak on it very quickly he points out that they're the only two single consenting adults. Which is to mean that he might have sex with the little boy. He might fuck Will.

That's crazy. Or the robot. Danger Will. Or the robot. Can the robot consent? I don't know. He does seem to have a consciousness of sorts well also if he wasn't into it everyone the ship would know about it no i do not want to

fuck you hard pass don west put your penis back in your pants throws him like across the giant empty set so how i i wish i had actually clocked how much time everything we just discussed is i think 15 minutes we've been talking for an hour and 15 minutes oh god this but like this happens right they hyperspace now and now they are lost in space okay so now all the pieces are on the board now the movie can really kick into gear right that's what it feels like i check the running time i'm like there's like an hour and a half left

I'm like no I don't remember much more of this movie and then this movie just like goes from like four different extended

set pieces that also have a lot of plot in them but the plot is kind of like that's what I'm saying it is kind of four movies

but they're all these like so cause like alright so they blast into this new part of space they've never been there before we're lost aren't we this mission sucks

correct boys kissing Billy I'm just doing Penny's lines right um

and and what else is happening yeah nothing and then they pretty quickly find the like a hole in space a hole in space

immediately so the movie gives almost no time for like regular adventuring before it's like we're going to get into this time travel stuff.

It's a time loop. Everyone's like what? We're doing this? I also love how they're like it's like a hole in space just appeared in front of us.

This ship is weird. It's like abandoned but it's so futuristic. It takes them an hour to figure it out. No I really want to finish this all

because there's so much. The video's old. How did they get here? We've only been missing for a day. They leave the ship. They blow up the ship. They arrive on another planet.

They basically see themselves. And then William Hurt says, I think time travel might be involved. And Matt LeBlanc's like, I mean, that's a little, I don't know. That's a little wacky. Let's chill out. That's not really theoretically possible. The entire movie Dexter's been like, I'm like one piece away from time travel.

I've got like, he's got like a Lego set in front of him. Yeah. Is it a screw? Do I need to lug? No. What did I'm so close to time travel. And now they keep on hitting this thing really hard.

What eventually tries to like establish itself too late as the emotional backbone of this movie which is the dad never showed up to the science fair because he reprograms the robot. It's pretty radical for a science fiction film like this to have a father-son relationship be the central emotional focus of the movie.

I think that's really wild. That's never happened in a movie before. And that's why Jonah Nolan came in and said, what if father-daughter? Joey, go ahead. Do you want to say something? No, I mean, we don't care. The kid is... He sucks. He's a shit kid. He kind of sucks, and he's just kind of annoying.

If I was his dad, I wouldn't show up to anything. That's all I have to say about that. I think that's a bingo right there. The movie starts spending a lot of time on it, yes, and a lot of time on their crap. And no, we don't. We definitely do not care. And then the whole finale of the movie ends up hinging on it.

I also, I think it ends up being kind of mean because it's like he keeps on talking about like, I love Will so much I can't figure out how to let him know. Doesn't really care about Judy or Penny. Well, but that's the thing. Or his wife. He clearly does care about Judy, right? Because she went into the family business and they're working on this project together.

Great. He cares about her in the same way that Donald Trump cares about his kids who work for him. Yes, exactly. Judy is the Ivanka in this movie. I can't respect you until you make money for me. Penny is like,

no one acknowledges Penny. She's Tiffany. Yes, she's Tiffany. Like, does anyone, Will talks to Penny a little bit. Matt LeBlanc has one line where he winks at her. That's it.

No one talks to Penny through this movie. She's got Paul Blarp. She he winks at her. That's it. No one talks to Penny through this movie. That's why she's got Blarp. She's got Paul Blarp. Yeah, she got Paul Blarp. Maul Blarp. I don't know. So they go through

the hole in space. Right, and they go onto this ship. It's so futuristic. The Proteus. Oh, I've never seen this ship. It's like a big line or something.

Okay, so IMDb trivia fact. Throughout both the writing of the film, did you see this one? I saw this one. Throughout both the writing of the film did you see this one i saw this one throughout both the writing of the film and the entire production of the film they couldn't decide on a name for the ship so anytime anyone says the proteus it is either said off camera right or you see the actor say ship and they dub in proteus this movie has a ton of really bad janky...

One performance is 100% ADR. But I feel like a lot of old men... Which performances? Jared Harris does not do one of his lines. Oh, yeah, he doesn't. It's true. It's true. Yeah.

But I feel like old men at the beginning weirdly has a lot of ADR. Like they couldn't decide how much. Because by the end of the movie, he's doing a pretty straight impression of Dr. Smith. Yes, yes, yes, yeah. And in the beginning, it's this weird other thing. A lot of ADR in this movie. The Proteus, a name they didn't decide on

until two weeks before the movie came out. They get onto the Proteus. They find the message from Lenny James. I still owe him that beer. And of course the main function of this sequence is to introduce the most important character in the movie who we have already referenced, who is Blarp.

Blarp. And I mostly chose this movie so that I could have a chance to say Blarp a lot. Blarp. Blarp. Okay. I don't know what... We should say attached to the Proteus is an alien ship,

which we don't know. I'm full of Spideys. Is that where the spiders came from? I don't know. It's either where the spiders came from or where Blarp came from. Or both. Sure. Blarp's a spider. I don't know. I'm full of Spideys. Is that where the spiders came from? I don't know. It's either where the spiders came from or where Blarp came from. Or both. Sure. Blarp's a spider.

I don't know. Give birth to Blarp. So we meet Blarp and Blarp fucking sucks. Blarp's a big asshole. He's a space monkey. He's an asshole. He looks like Crash Bandicoot with big eyes. Right.

He's made out of clouds. It's the least substantive CGI creature in a live-action film. You were saying this is in the CGI period where they had this new technology, and we were like, yeah, we can make a whole character CGI, but they could not. They shot the movie with a fucking puppet. Oh, they did? And there's one scene when it's Judy and Penny checking out Blarp on the medical table where you're seeing all over Blarp's shoulder, and it's a physical Blarp.

The back of his head, his arms arms are physical and it looks pretty good anytime blarp is in a scene he looks like he's made out of like a fucking like sticker like he looks like a shiny hologram he looks like a screensaver yes yes he does he does he looks like clip art and he's uh he he also doesn't make any sense because they just find Blarp on this ship. He's like hiding in the hydroponics He changes colors. He's in the hydroponics. He changes colors like one time. He's not even good at that. Everything else on this ship is dead people.

He burps. Which is why they call him Blarp. Blarp. He says it like that. But there's also spiders. CGI spiders who look about as good as Blarp. Can I say something about Blarp. He says it like that. But there's also spiders. CGI spiders who look about as good as Blarp. Can I say something about Blarp? Really, let's just do an hour on Blarp. Blarp talk.

I have talked about how prolific a doodler I am, how I like to doodle a lot in high school, especially when I was a bad student. I would just work on very complicated, weeks-long doodles. I spent a week in high school making a poster for my dream movie, which was Alien vs. Predator vs. Freddy vs. Jason vs. Terminator vs. Robocop vs. Teen Wolf vs. Back to the Future versus that thing from Lost in Space. I put Blarp in there.

Sure, sure. He's in the pantheon. And my poster was the Predator ripping Blarp in Space. I put Blarp in there. Sure, sure. He's in the Pantheon. And my poster was the Predator ripping Blarp in half. Well... It was everyone else around him, but Blarp was just being ripped in half by a Predator. Blarp doesn't seem to have a lot of defenses

outside of changing colors. I hadn't watched Lost in Space in years at that point. I liked it when I was a child, but I still remembered hating Blarp. Blarp is such a shoehorned in, like, we need, like, a cute thing that the kids like, right? But then, we discovered this morning

part of the reason, the idea of Blarp, when we discovered those deleted scenes, which now it suddenly makes a lot more sense. But we'll get to that, but at least the way it plays out in the movie, because they cut all that, is that Blarp is just Penny's friend, basically, because Penny has no friend, because we've already covered all the characters ignore her.

They do. And so she gets Blarp, and then that's pretty much it for Blarp. One could say she gets Blarped. She gets Blarped pretty hard. They Blarp her real bad. But there's like a 12-minute deleted scenes reel, which is all pretty much this one subplot. And the beginning of this deleted scenes reel

is the extended version of this scene where they go, but where did he come from? There must be more from his species. Sure. Okay, so that's their little tease. Okay, so you're saying there's a bunch of deleted scenes. I didn't watch them. Did you guys like watch them on YouTube or something?

They're on YouTube. And the sequence apparently is supposed to be intercut with the whole, you know, darkest timeline sequence. It is the darkest timeline. That's exactly what that whole sequence is yeah was going to be the

ladies who as it ended up or just disappear from the movie for that whole part go out into the woods because Blarp runs out

and they run out after Blarp yeah and they find a larger creature in a cave who is also friendly like Blarp

big Blarp a huge future Blarp fucking blarp who turns out to be future blarp they realize it's future blarp and then i love this why isn't this in the movie humongous it's practical it's a big rubber blarp sitting in a cave it looks horrifying yeah it's and they're like is this blarp's mom is it Blarp's dad and they realize it is Blarp himself from the darkest timeline it's a fat Blarp

who ate too much and John Goodman himself into a cave oh I'm seeing um cause it you know how I

he doesn't look anything like Blarp well he looks like a D&D character but it's cause he's a puppet and they ended up doing Blarp as CGI which is one of the reasons

why they had to cut all this do you know how I like started searching for this deleted scene reel? How? I went back and watched the trailer because I was like I remember being really pumped for the trailer and the trailer has a shot of Judy touching Big Blarp and I was like

what the fuck is that? Right I just googled like Blarp deleted scenes Are there other deleted scenes? And so that, well, the one more very important one is that. Well, they keep on cutting back to the cave. It would have been intercut with the darkest timeline stuff. When the boys are being boys, the girls would have been blarping, right?

Because as it is. From now on, need to refer to on this podcast, like female characters having nothing to do with getting blarped. Getting blarped. No, because there is a section of this movie where the three female characters do nothing for 40 minutes and just disappear until the end.

They're just sitting on the ship waiting, apparently. Right, and in the darkest timeline, they are dead. Like, we see their graves. Right, but what they were doing was bonding with Big Blarp, right? And at the end of the movie,

when the movie ends really abruptly out of nowhere, we're just like, let's keep traveling, and then it just, like, cuts to credits. Da-da-da-da-da-da. Yeah.

Penny was supposed to go like what's that noise and then Penny's supposed to be like now don't freak out and the doors rise up and Big Blarp comes in and they like take their guns and they're ready to shoot it and they're like it's Blarp it's Blarp from the future and then they all

laugh and go like oh Blarp and it's like, now they're all going to be on this ship with Big Blart. That was supposed to be the ending of the movie was Big Blart. That's the stupidest shit

I've ever heard in my life. I like it. Ben's on board. I like it too. That would bump it up to like three stars. I mean, look, David, I'll say,

you have to be there. I'm going to watch these scenes. You have to be there. But on the Proteus, there are spiders the main villain of the movie i guess they came with all the toys they can eat metal yes and that's kind of it that's kind of it there's a lot of them they eat they're wounded

there's a lot of them that's a big part they they bite they slash gary oldman will has totally reprogrammed robot and now robot is remote controlled has no intelligence of its own and he will is using an iPad to control him right until he needs to go into action mode and Big Hurt's like not bad I love you son but he doesn't say it to him

William Hurt delivers every single line like he's being choked the line I really want to hit which is right at the end of the movie is when he tells Matt LeBlanc they can't escape the planet. He's like, no, we have to go deeper through

the planet's core. And he says it like he's Lear. Me and John just look at each other with embarrassment. He's a fine actor. He's a wonderful actor. And we've talked about him before in the show. We will talk about him again.

One could say this is a sequel to Kiss of the Spider-Woman because Gary Oldman gets a kiss of the spider. He does. There is that weird scene where he French kisses a Spidey. Yes. Yeah, that's another deleted scene where William Hurt falls in love with Spidey.

Spidey number 12 yeah so they get off this show they get off the protea and then LeBlanc has his weird shield mask he has the shield mask

which his armadillo mask serves no purpose but it looks cool puts a big money shot in the trailer yes another merchandise spotlight

I remember them making do you remember when like they used to make like plastic mugs of like the head of a character like you drink out of like Batman's head I remember one Do you remember when they used to make plastic mugs of the head of a character? Like you drink out of Batman's head.

I remember one that was Matt LeBlanc's head with the mask over it. And it appears in the movie for like 10 seconds. That's what I wanted to get to is the metal mask. That's what we're talking about now. I love this. And I remember that being on clearance at FAO Schwartz for like five years. I remember 2003, you could still get a $2. If someone wants to send that to me i'll gladly accept it i'm gonna find a picture of the mask i remember on the the vhs we had joey did not have the deleted scenes but did have some sort of making of feature that you could watch and it had like it was like blarp was a lot of it

you know a lot of talk about how they made blarp yeah probably some robot talk yeah i mean like honestly jar jar is a disaster but it is crazy how just a year later jar jar looks a lot better a lot better i mean like jar jar is a world ahead of jar jar at least like exists in the same physical space as the main actor yeah um uh but the other thing is they really hit home how cool it was. Why? We're looking at it. It looks like nothing. It does look like. They had so much on how they did the CGI of the metal sprouting out of the back of his suit.

And then he like turns around as it like envelops his head. Which I guess was a complicated CGI shot for 1998. I'll say this. I think he looks kind of cool. Like I think it's a cool idea. He has a bat suit. We do that gag on the tick a lot because the same thing happens with my helmet. Right. That's

true. You've got a CGI helmet. I cannot tell you how frustrating it is to do those shots. How do you do them? It's so tough because it gets into all these specific things of like your hair and your face. Yeah. And then they have to paint dots on your face and you have to repeat the same action five times. And then with me it's like i have to like swipe it off so i have to like run my hands over where the helmet would be but if i actually touch anything then it fucks it up right

i hated it so there you go i think like no one should ever make it and that's 20 years later i know you know so it probably wasn't like they were overselling it i still think it's a really tough thing to do so he's got the, but then, I mean, the real problem with this movie is that it wants to be this run and gun action movie, right?

Like, it so desperately wants to be cool. Yes. And every action sequence is just like 50% of the way there. It's like not even close. It's like the gunships and this where he has his like blaster

and his metal hat and he's shooting spiders. There's just no tension to it at all. I'd say the two things with this movie, no tension and also it's weird that this movie never really establishes real stakes because it's like, okay, fuck. Our mission's

been sabotaged. We're not making it to where we thought we were going to make it, but they're just sort of like, let's see where we end up. It's true. they have no plan no they also a hole in space appears and Matt LeBlanc just goes into it and when William Hurt

says wait he says I'll wait later which again is one of those like Akiva Goldsman lines where you're like what that doesn't mean anything we should say this movie is directed by Stephen Hopkins who had made the fifth nightmare on elm street the dream child he had made predator 2 the worst of the predator movies the worst of the yes uh he had made judgment night with emilio estevez and cuba

gunning jr okay never heard of that he made blown away i found a robot mug too stop enough stop. Enough. Drink me. He had never made a major, you know, big budget movie like this. And it kind of, it kind of shows, you also feel like he was hired because there was like so much studio pressure on this movie

and so much like, so you're weighing in on every little part of it. Right. You have to hire someone like a Stephen Hopkins who's just going to like, do what you want.

They have their ideas of what they wanted the film to be. And so as a result, the movie has no identity. Notably, on the INDB page, it says that Stephen Hopkins and Heather Graham were dating during production of the film. They apparently dated afterwards, yeah. Which is weird.

Stephen Hopkins, born in 1958. In? Where was he born? I don't know. Jamaica. Oh, wow. So he's 12 years older than her. Okay.

All right. Yeah, you're right. Born in Jamaica. I don't know. I don't know anything about Stephen Hopkins except he made Blown Away. He made The Ghost in the Darkness, which is not a bad movie.

The Peter Sellers HBO movie. He made that later, but after Lost in Space, the big thing he makes is 24, season one. He directs every episode. The best season of 24. And then he gets booted for a different director, because 24

is always directed by the same director every season. So he kind of set the tone for 24. But this, yeah. I'll wait later. They go to this fucking planet, and they go to another planet this is the thing though

it's like how is this movie long I feel like it's like the spider scene is all drawn out because it's all in the final time travel sequence

what's the planet in between I don't even remember there is a one no that's it that's it and then they go to the time travel place and

it's like that whole thing it takes at least half an hour so it takes longer it takes almost an hour it takes so long and there's no real action it's just a lot of explaining and it's like that whole thing is like, it takes at least half an hour. So it takes longer. It takes almost an hour. It takes so long and there's no real action. It's just a lot of explaining and it's like really complicated for a kid's

movie. Right. Cause I think the first half of the movie, I think the first half of the movie up to the destruction of the proteus. So they leave the proteus, the spiders are chasing him. Matt LeBlanc blows up the proteus. Gary,

uh, what's his name? William hurts mad at him about it, which is weird. Like that thing is full of spiders oh and then Mimi Rogers comes in in one of only three moments and she's like

Jesus you guys you have enough pissing content spray down the desk with testosterone Jesus you want to measure your dicks like she makes like eight versions of the same joke right but and

I think the first hour of the movie is fine I think it's fine it moves it has action it's not like well written or anything elegant but like amusing enough there's some designy stuff that's cool i kind of like the cryo suits i forgot to mention i like how the eye thing like goes over them and they're weird sleeps back yeah um but then right once they land on this planet which is some like knockoff fucking Fraggle Rock nonsense with weird little giant fur mushrooms. Oh, and let's mention that on the first,

when they go to the Proteus, they take Oldman with him because... Yeah, they do. He's like, I'm a doctor, not a space explorer. Right, oh, cool, Star Trek. But they trust him. They're like, we don't trust him, but we don't want to leave him alone.

And there's a thing where Bill Hurt considers killing him, but then is like, how are we going to save humanity if we can't? That's early. Right, right. If we're not civilized, I don't know. When they get to the future planet. Should kill him, to be clear. When they get to the future planet, they leave him in his room,

and they lock the gates. They do lock the gates. Then Marin comes in and interviews him. That does take a lot of time. So it's supposed to be the whole- Who are your doctors? I don't know. It's supposed to be just Don West and Big Hurt going-

Don West and the Big Hurt go through the time bubble. Right. Then the ladies chase off Lard. I've got a working theory that time travel may be involved in this whole scenario. And Matt LeBlanc's like, that's crazy. Completely put him in a sanitarium. Shut up, you fucking lunatic. He must never speak again.

He has violated the laws of physics. And Will says, like, from a corner, like, time travel's not impossible. It's just improbable. What is this, more fucking science fair bullshit? William Hurt's like, I need less of this and more of this. And he's like, you've never listened to me, Dad. David made a talking hand gesture and then made a zippered hand gesture. Less of one, more of the other.

Oh, boy, oh, boy. So they get to the planet, and Jared Harris, one of my favorite character actors, a real GG, a great guy. Will Smith and, I mean, Dr. Will Smith. The time bubble merges the characters, so William Hurt and Dr. Smith. William Hurt and Matt LeBond go through the time bubble and meet Jared Harris.

Gary Oldman and Will Robinson are chilling out. The girls vanish into thin air. They get blurbed. Okay, so Jared Harris, who's a great actor, the girls vanish into thin air. They get blurbed. Yeah, they get blurbed. Okay, so Jared Harris, who's a great actor, this is right after he's in I Shot Andy Warhol, right? He's a young, cool British actor.

And I read an interesting LA Times piece on him where he had just shot this, and he was like, you know, after I shot Andy Warhol, no one really knew it was me because it was so much in that world. I only got offered other aloof artist roles. And he had played a lot of scumbags and mentally challenged men.

He was like, I want to expand my range. I think this is going to show me in a whole new light. And then they dub over all of his dialogue. The only explanation that IMDb Trivia has is the producers felt he lacked the quote vocal range for the role. What the fuck does that mean? From anywhere. There is no information

online about why he was overdubbed or what the deal is or who overdubbed him. Who overdubbed him is my question. But it's very clear that it's not his voice. And they overdubbed him. If you know Jared Harris. When you're watching at the time you're probably like When I was a kid, I didn't know. But now I'm watching and it's like very jarring. And also the voice is like real Saturday morning cartoon.

Like the voice lacks any salty. And it's like, dad, don't you remember me? It's Will, your son. Yes. And you've done your Jared Harris impression before on the show. Even when he's speaking in American accent, he's kind of like, oh, well, yeah, I know. I have done one, and now I can't remember what I was in person. It was for certain women.

Well. And then it turns out that he is under the control of Spider Smith. Of course. That's like the most truly bizarre choice this movie could ever have made. Like, yes, it is placed beforehand. He is bitten by a... He is. Or he's not even bitten or whatever. Flash, and he's Like, yes, it is placed beforehand. He is bitten by a... He's not even bitten or whatever. And he's like, ah, damn spider bite.

The bite happens in slow motion, so you don't forget it. And then three other moments in the movie where he's like scratching and it keeps getting pussier and bigger. It's like leaking blue pus. I don't think anyone was expecting what that leads to. It's like, we'll probably die. But that's why the toy has a spoiler box because no one could have

called this one. It really feels like Kiva Goldsman just did not have an ending. Right? Like, really. It was just... And also,

we paid for Oldman. Let's let Oldman be the big bad. You know? Let's make him a big physical threat. that it's scary still kind of freaky to me, I think.

One of the reasons is that they have to try to make it kind of look like Gary Oldman. I mean, I guess he did it. I don't, we don't really know. But Smith, I think. One of the reasons is that they have to try to make it kind of look like Gary Oldman. I mean, I guess he did it. We don't really know. And that's part of what makes it look creepy, is that he's supposed to be a scary monster, but he also kind of looks like Gary Oldman's

face, and it's weird. It is Kafkaesque. I mean, you know, Dr. Zachary Smith awoke to find himself transformed. The design is kind of like very species, right? It's that weird like weird techno insect kind of self-transformed. The design is kind of like very species, right? It's that weird like weird techno insect kind of thing. Which this whole movie

has that vague like 90s techno vibe, right? But I also do you know this is a movie where Gary Oldman is credited twice. Not like as Dr. Smith slash Spider-Man. No, no. He has two credits. Right. Which is weird. Is weird. is weird is weird um but the other thing is i find spider smith slash future smith uh very scary for the first chunk

when he's wearing that big robe right because it's clearly like a puppet where they just have a green screen like this kind of herky jer has this kind of herky-jerky movement. He moves like the Skeksis from the Dark Crystal. Right, right, right. He's this weird hunched over herky-jerky mound of robes. He's got claws and because the whole Jupiter 2 is metal every step is like thunk, thunk,

thunk, thunk, thunk. Gary Oldman's doing some good voice acting and it's kind of unnerving and his face is in shadows and you're like how much does that look like Gary Oldman? And then when he like throws it off you're like whoa. When he takes it off and he's just full bug it's kind of unnerving and his face is in shadows and you're like how much does that look like Gary Oldman and then when he like throws it off and he's just full bug it's yeah

and also yeah he's full bug and he like grows 10 feet yeah it's weird it's an odd choice he's got a lot of neck and so he's like yeah it's weird

because it's so long yeah but it's also mostly just him arriving and Jared Harris being like dad don't you understand? I built the time machine. He wants to go back because he wants to have a normal life

but it turns out that Spider Smith was just working him so that he could go back because he just only cares about himself. I guess so. But within it, there's a one sort of nice moment where you see through the portal he's created. You see him as a kid and see them on like

day when they're going off on the mission and he has a little monologue about like oh I remember how I felt that day like so like full of hope and it's sort of like a nice moment and you're like okay I get what we're going for here in terms of the art. Before he realized that this mission sucked. Uh huh. But then yeah most of it is just nonsense.

Yeah. It's mostly nonsense uh also william hurt is like i keep calling him that because i can't remember his name john robinson is like well i don't know if you should do that because uh you know what if you hurt earth with your time warp technology which is what he should be saying is how about someone goes through that and says someone sabotaged the ship right let's deal with that i don't care someone goes through that and says, someone sabotaged the ship. Right. Let's deal with that. I don't care who goes through. Anyone but Smith. Right, right.

But Spider Smith knocks out present day Smith and he falls down a pit of garbage. Yeah, he falls down a pit of garbage. And Joanna was like, did he just kill himself? And I was like, no, because then wouldn't he blink out of existence? Yeah. Yeah.

So he's not dead. But also at this point, Smith has been palling around with Little Will. Right. And've built the robot now to make it look like the old robot right so there's a lot of that business right and now the robot has its own mind he loves baseball he's not a remote control right because he put will's will put his own brain into the robot which is he's doing a lot of advantage when he says like put his own brain into, there's a shot where you see him with an iPad, there's a baseball, and he drags and drops it into a robot. Strike.

The robot says, strike, you're out. For the love of the game. PG-13. Eight men out. And then there's like a quasi-fight that's not really a fight because William Hurt stabs Gary Oldman, Spider-Man with his son's science trophy,

which is, I think there's like a Kiva Goldsman save the cat fucking like I did it. I completed the story circle. He thinks it's Chekhov's gun because at the beginning of the movie, they're packing. It's like, why would I even bring this? It's like,

exactly. So, and he stabs him and then he's like don't you remember these monsters eat they're wounded and the spiders the little baby spiders the spiders like crawl on smith but you never quite buy it as like incapacitating and then there's just a lot of shoe leather about like between the robinsons and then no but then he's got knocked down but he knocks him into right the time machine but into like the bad part that hurts you which is risky he almost knocks him through it yes yes and then he's dangling by his dog tags

yeah that's right yes big hurt saves him right and's like, why did you do that, Dad? The core is unstable. Sure, because the planet's collapsing or whatever. I don't know. Yeah. I told you someday. The dream is collapsing. That's the other fucking real Goldsman-y thing. It was like at the beginning of the movie, Big Hurt says like, someday I'll prove to you how much I love you.

It's like, why not just say I love you and hug your son now? Yeah, right. Come on, William. Why you got to make it like a fucking deus ex machina? Right. But so now he like saves his son to show him how much he loves him

and then he jumps in. Not yet. Because they have to watch. But it's just so many steps to it. They first try to watch them escape. Try to watch them escape and then they fail. And then they fail.

I'm sorry. And they blow up. Yeah. Which is pretty dark. That's what I'm saying. One of many weirdly dark things in this movie and then he goes back he goes back through the machine

maybe Rogers gets half a moment when they realize that John Robinson isn't coming back she gets like a goodbye my love moment and she sort of becomes the captain she's like well I'm going to save as many people as I can boom dead in five minutes and then he goes back but then it's very unclear it's like well well, I'm going to save as many people as I can. Boom, dead in five minutes. Right, right. Fail.

And then he goes back, but then it's very unclear. It's like, well, now you're there, but isn't the same thing just going to happen? Yeah. Until he says, through the planet. Use its gravity. Not really explaining, but then it looks kind of cool. But then the planet collapses into a black hole, which really bursts my bubble. I hate that.

Planets don't turn into black holes. Stars turn into black holes. And it turns into a black hole in like four minutes. And then the movie just ends. So then they have to use hyperdrive again. And Will says, cool. That's the last song of the film, right? Cool. Yeah.

This mission sucks. Jeez. Okay, box office game. I have to leave. I have a doctor's appointment. Box office game. It's just a disaster. Yeah, this movie sucks.

I mean, I think the last half, though, is a notable box office story. It's the blurb of movies. It starts out a little charming. But I have to, you know, to come back to why I chose this movie. Despite everything that we just said, I watch this movie often, even before it was on Netflix, but even more so now, or watch bits of it. I find it to be a very calming bad movie to watch. Sure, sure.

You don't have to defend yourself. I've literally picked some of the dumbest films ever. No, he's not. I think he's not defending himself. I'm saying, like, there are certain, I feel like we all have them. You guys probably talked about them previously. It's also, it's very much a time capsule movie. Like, this is the start of studios thinking in terms of franchises,

you know, about, like, the power of IP and how to, like, stretch things out. Like, there's a whole studios thinking in terms of franchises. You know about like the power of IP and how to like stretch things out. Like there's a whole thing on the IMDB of how they had Yes but part of its purity is the fact that none of that happened.

Right. And so it just sits on its own. It's before they figured out how to do it well. So that part of it failed. It was never going to be a franchise. It was never going to be

a big hit. And well at least it wasn't. But now so now it just sits on its own as this weird ass movie that I find very calming. It's ritualistic, almost. I'm trying to find this now.

There was a list of the things they were going to do. According to the screenwriter, Akiva Goldsman, if the movie did receive a sequel, it would have been about the Robinson family making it to Alpha Prime. However, they discover that Alpha Prime is already populated with humans because they previously went through a wormhole in the first movie that sends them into the future. Great, so it's the same fucking thing again?

So terrible! There would also have been a subplot with Judy Robinson creating a cure for Dr. Smith to prevent the spider infection from turning into Spider Smith, and Penny ending up receiving the same color-changing abilities as Blarp. That sounds great.

I'm back on board. Goldsman, make this. Now, it's unfair that Goldsman is now running Star Trek Discovery. It's good so far. It is good. The show is good. I credit to Goldsman, but it is crazy. If I can correct myself.

And he also won an Oscar. The IMDb trivia fact doesn't say Future World's dialogue is entirely dubbed because he didn't have the vocal range. The term is the vocal scale. what the fuck does that mean okay yeah but yes goldsman he wrote many a movie like this one which i now think is terrible that when i was a certain age just blew my mind he wrote a beautiful mind right that's another one that he wrote i robot that blew my mind at a certain point the Batman Forever obviously

and Batman and Robin Batman and Robin in a different way sure and many others like god he's fascinating he is

he's a terrible writer in many ways but he's been such a big part of my life right because right if you're a kid of the late 90s

I think that's true Akiva Goldman I mean look only true 90s kids will understand this episode. This movie grossed $69 million domestic. It grossed $136 worldwide on an $80 million budget, which is not great.

No. But it's not like, it wasn't like a catastrophic failure. It just didn't do very well. On the subject of catastrophic failures, this year Akiva Goldsman either produced, wrote, or did both on The Dark Tower, King Arthur Legend of the Sword, Transformers. He's in charge of all these writers' rooms, right? And rings!

Rings! Yeah, he was in charge of the Transformers writers' room. I think he was in the Dark Universe writers' room. Sure, put him in there. He's in these writers' rooms. They just shelved Bride of Frankenstein, by the way, so we have no idea if the... Like, as of today?

Yeah. Oh, man. That's the one I wanted to see just because Bill Condon's been dicking around for like 15 years making. I just hope there's never another one. And so that movie is the only movie with the dark universe logo in front of it. Cause that would almost make it like lost in space, right?

It's like, what was there? There were so many plans. You watch, you watch fucking, uh, whatchamacallit, Beauty and the Beast, and it's like, Bill Clinton just wants to make Bride of Frankenstein. Let him make Bride of Frankenstein. Beauty and the Beast barely functions as a Beauty and the Beast movie

because he's so busy trying to make Bride of Frankenstein. That's just great. Number one at the box office. Is Lost in Space. April 3rd, 1998. And let's historic about it. $20.1 million. A fine opening weekend, but it's historic because it dethrones Titanic's 15 straight week run at number one.

Correct. They called the movie The Iceberg. The first movie to defeat the Titanic, which has only dropped 24%. Insane. In its 16th week, it has made $530 million and $ million dollars on its 16th weekend it's got 70 million more to me it's completely bonkers good movie number three is a bruce willis film it's a new entry this week mercury rising you got it i want to see that while my parents would not let me this autistic kid has like a secret in his head and we will portray this sensitively hasn't he like cracked

the like the NSA that sounds right through puzzle books or something why the fuck's it called Mercury Rising that sounds like it's about like a temperature problem I want to see that movie so badly because it was about a weird boy number four at the box office is another movie I saw on this trip to America that we took where I saw Lost in Space twice and maybe other things. It was a reissue of a hit of the 70s, and I went to see it with my grandmother in Utica. Greece? Just the two of us. Greece.

Wow. We had a great time. I remember this time period vividly. Number five is a Travolta movie. That's kind of a box office flop, weirdly, even though it's a good movie. Comedy, drama, dramedy. Dramedy, I guess. Gets two Oscar nominations.

Primary Colors? Primary Colors. How does he do it? There you go. You nailed the box office game. You just feeling bad after you fucked up near dark's box office game so bad? Wasn't you?

I can't even remember. Yeah, it was disastrous. But also I... No, this was like when I started really following the box office closely. So these are like historic weekends for me. Man in the Iron Mask. So the two Leo movies.

Because that had come closest to dethroning Titanic. Man in the Iron Mask did like 500,000 less than Titanic that weekend. And people thought like Leo is finally going to take down Leo. And then when the actuals came in, it was like a little lower. Barney's Great Adventure is a new entry, number 11. Yeah. As Good as It Gets, which Joey and I just rewatched number 8 really amazing

Griffin's making a face it is an amazing movie really quite something that movie and a crazy successful movie 136 million in 15 weeks

a lot of money pretty great Good Will Hunting is also hanging out with a similar total this is when like Oscar movies would just play and play

and play and play and make so much fucking money LA Confidential's also in there which made 61 million dollars which is not bad the lowest grossing of the Best Picture nominees did pretty well it's gonna make 64 and play and play and make so much fucking money. LA Confidential's also in there. Right. Which made $61 million, which is not bad. The lowest grossing of the Best Picture nominees. Right, but did pretty well.

Yeah, it's going to make $64 million. Right. That's a great movie. Joey. You weren't paying attention, but that's a great movie. LA Confidential. Oh, yes.

We both love that movie. It's a great movie. I got to leave. I got to go to the doctor. Yeah. Yeah. You got to pee. We've been talking. Lost in space. We did to go to the doctor. Yeah. You got to pee. We've been talking.

Lost in space. We did it. Joey, thank you so much for being on the show. Thank you so much for having me. I'm so glad we decided on this movie. I think this was just so the right call. I hope everyone goes back. Everyone who is like, what the hell kind of choice is this? Now goes back

to Netflix and rewatches it and rediscovers The Wonder. At least watch the first hour you can quit after the first hour but then go to straight to the end credits and then go to the end credits and listen to that

over and over again and try to find it find that and the score for this movie online to try to listen to them

they're quite hard to find well and apparently John Williams I think did the score for the TV show to try to listen to them. They're quite hard to find. Well, and apparently, John Williams, I think, did the score for the TV show, but they didn't have the rights to any of the John Williams stuff. Right, so there's zero references to it. Right, yeah.

Other than the theme song at the end. Anyway, thank you so much for being on the show. People should follow you on Twitter. Yeah. Better Twitter than mine. Hot Broadway takes. Mostly theater.

Be warned, Joey C. Sims. Joey C. Sims, seriously. You Sims boys, like using the middle initial on Twitter. Hey, man. We got there late. I got there way later, I think. Yep. Thank you all for listening.

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and the cat.