Blank Check with Griffin & David - Merchandise - The Phantom Podcast

Episode Date: May 11, 2015

Toys. Kids love them. And so do Griffin and David. This movie’s entire production was funded by the sale of exclusive rights to the merchandising. And manufacturer Hasbro, pulled out all the stops including introducing technology that allowed the products to “talk like never before,” capturing some of the most exciting moments in toy form like a seated Jabba the Hutt watching the pod race along with color commentators Fode and Beeb, and a product (made for children) that allows someone to suck on Jar Jar Bink’s candy tongue. So join your hosts to find out whats in Watto’s box, does Griffin buy something on Ebay he will regret and a look back at their younger selves to REMEMBER THE TOYS.

🎵 Hello and welcome to the Phantom Podcast. Hi there, I'm Griffin. I'm David. Welcome. Thank you for being here. Episode eight? Episode eight.

Episode eight. Episode V-I-I-I. Oh, it's just so far in the future. Yes. This, of course, is the podcast where we talk about Star Wars Episode One. Yeah, well, the Star Wars movie, the Phantom Menace. Right. The Phantom Menace.

Um, it was the one Star Wars movie made. Uh, sometimes I just call it Star Wars, you know, just for brevity's sake. For sure. Well, yeah. Why wouldn't you call the first film in a franchise just Star Wars? Why would you need a subtitle? Because George Lucas had a lot of plans. He had a lot of plans.

He had big epic plans for where the series was going to go and he never got to fulfill any of them. As far as we know. But we do our research. We do our research. I just feel like sometimes I get so sleepy. Yeah, sure.

So we talk about The Phantom Mass. Yeah. George Lucas' fourth feature film. Yeah. Okay, let's go. THX 1138.

THX 1138. That was one. American Graffiti. Great film. There's another one. I always Okay, let's go. THX 1138. THX 1138. That was one. American Graffiti. Great film. There's another one. I always forget. There was one more and then he made

The Phantom Menace. There was a gap in between. There was one somewhere between like 1975 and 1999. There was one other film. I don't remember what it was. Yeah. Is it about like

Stalinist Russia or something? I always sound boring like that. ST is definitely the first two letters. That guy needs to learn how to make a crowd pleaser. I always sound boring like that. ST is definitely the first two letters. That guy needs to learn how to make a crowd pleaser, I will say. Yeah, I mean, he never really settled down and got his head out of the clouds.

But, yeah. But this was that movie. It was self-financed with the $100 million that the Hasbro toy company gave him. And so, essentially, the merchandise, the cart came before the horse. The merchandise paid for the movie that was then going to result. I don't know why any company would pay $100 million for the first film in a franchise that is totally untested. But, I mean, I don't know.

We have the figures, but we have the box office figures. It was probably a successful move on. Is it Hasbro's part? I think they overestimated demand. But you don't think they sold some toys? They did, but they shipped way too many. Okay, all right. So there's some landfill somewhere with a bunch of Gragas filling up a ditch.

Gragas actually wasn't released until 2007. But for any other film in a franchise, I know because I waited, for any other film, the merchandise sales would have been through the roof yeah right oh i see expectations were way too high they produced too many they sent too many to stores and so a lot of them were put on the discount this is all important for today's episode because i don't want to speak for everyone but i think i speak for everyone I say that everyone loves this podcast. I mean, 100% approval rating. Is that what you're talking about?

Yeah, people are going bananas. Or do you mean that everyone on earth listens to it? Both. Right. And they all love it. Everyone loves it. Yeah. Everyone.

Seven billion thumbs up. Anybody who's anybody, and I'm not saying like anyone who's important. I'm saying literally anybody who is a body. Yeah. And has an iPod. Loves this pod. Or an Android. Who cares?

We're not platformist. No, absolutely not. I used to own an Android. Oh, Jesus Christ. Not anymore. I used to own a Zoom. I didn't own a Zoom. Really?

I'm just kidding. Android. Android. The mere company name comes from the droids of the Star Wars films. They pay a royalty. Do you know this? Is that true? The Android company pays a royalty to George Lucas.

Why didn't they just... George Lucas, one, George Lucas knows how to make a buck. Yeah. Holy cow. Yeah. But two, they couldn't have just called it something else? Geez. They could have called it TC-14.

They could have. Oh, God. I want to fuck that phone. TC14 is the best. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I got this wrong. They don't pay a royalty to the Android phone.

It was the Motorola Droid. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which was an Android phone. Right. But it was just called the Droid. He owns the word Droid. So, so far, we've said on Android phone. Right, but it was just called the Droid. He owns the word Droid.

So, so far we've said on this podcast that it's the best podcast ever and everyone loves it. And then we talked about droids for five minutes. This is the worst podcast in the world. This is actually, but like jokes aside, this is actually maybe the number one worst podcast. I think so. I think we're pretty proud standard bearers of that title. I think so. One of the things that people love about this podcast is Merchandise Spotlight.

It's one of our favorite recurring features. And people stop me on the street and they go, Griff, how come some episodes don't have a Merchandise Spotlight? I can't even go on the street anymore, by the way. It's tough. People are angry because we do it sometimes. We don't do it every time. We've done it most times, though. Most times. A couple times there just wasn't a natural segue, and a couple times, I forgot.

And a couple times, you talk for 40 minutes about a certain toy. Sometimes I do that. Yes. Sometimes I do that. Today is going to be one of those times. Well, yeah. Today is... The Merchandise Spotlight Spotlight.

This whole episode is a spotlight on the Merchandise Spotlight. That's what we're calling it? Yeah, the Merchandise Spotlight Spotlight. Okay. Some of you may say, what? That sounds like a thing you would only devote a full episode to when you realize that this concept is running a little thin. Some of you may say, closes podcast app, deletes episode, waits till next week. Maybe that one will be better. Some of you might verbalize that. You might say, closes podcast app, deletes episode, waits till next week, maybe that one will

be better. Some of you might verbalize that. You might say that. But please, you can say it. Don't do it. Don't delete the app. No, don't do it. This episode's going to blow your mind.

Don't delete the app. Jeez. This episode's going to be fun. We should have our own app. We should have our own app. But I think, my roommate's an app programmer. We could maybe get her to do it. What the hell?

Yeah, I don't know. I'm slacking off on that. But, but, it is worth mentioning here before we get into the merchandise. We are sick and tired of this fucking movie.

This is getting to a point. I can barely stand to think about this movie anymore. We reached out to the Ben Ducer, aka the pro-duer, aka producer Ben,

the poet laureate of the Phantom Podcast. Hello, Fennell himself. Hello, Fennell himself. Hello, Fennell himself. How you doing, fellas? Doing pretty good. Pretty exhausted, disgusted with this movie. Ben, you watched the movie once, right?

I sure did. I left it at one time. You do have to listen to us talking about it every week. I do have to edit you guys, and I will mention that. Usually it's Monday morning, and sometimes this guy gets a little tired. He gets a little snoozy. I believe it. I believe it.

Yeah, I also believe that. But we just want to assure you this podcast isn't going anywhere just because the very words The Phantom Menace brings bile into my throat. Right. We're doing a couple more episodes. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. We're going to milk a little more blood out into my throat. Right. We're doing a couple more episodes. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. We're going to milk a little more blood out of this stone.

Oh. And once that is done, we're going to keep shop. You might have noticed on iTunes, we're not listed as the Phantom Podcast. We're listed as Griffin and David Presents. Which makes us super accessible. A larger branding initiative. Mm-hmm. We'll move on to talk about other stuff

I don't know what else we're going to talk about we can't move on to the Star Wars saga because it's a one and done they pulled a real producer Ben on making these films honestly I'll do one more sweep just to double check things but I think unfortunately Phantom Menace is really as far as it goes

whenever our last episode of this focus on the Phantom Menace is, we'll do one quick sweep. It's not a pressing thing. I mean, talk about looking for a needle in a stack of needles. Yes. A needle in a stack of needles. Yeah. But here we go. Merchandise

Spotlight. I'm so tired of this fucking movie. I hate looking at anything related to it. But let's just now acknowledge the fact that you as a kid watching the movies. Said it was the best movie of all time. Yes, but also you really liked toys. I love toys. And you have a lot of, you bought a lot of Phantom Menace toys, right?

Today I'm going to try to focus on some of the items I didn't get to buy. So, but can you estimate like what percentage of the Phantom Menace, like, merchandise you own? Oh, not too extreme. I actually was surprised by how little of it I owned. Really? Really. I could probably tell you my whole collection. Okay.

What was the most expensive item you owned? Probably the fucking Comtech reader, honestly. Did you have a lightsaber? I had a lightsaber. My brother had one. Yeah. I had the Anakin Podracer that came with Anakin. Yeah.

I had Watto. I had Odie Mandrell. He's the one with the oblong-shaped head, the Podracer. Oh, yeah. He was the one who was a good guy. He was the one who was a good guy. He was the one who was a good guy. He was the only one who wasn't a degenerate scumbag. That was a fun episode last week.

That was fun. We were a great podcast. I had him. I had a pretty complete collection of the Taco Bell toys, which we'll talk about in a little bit. All right. I had the ComTech. That might have been it, honestly.

Okay, so you didn't go crazy. You didn't go hog wild. I didn't go crazy. No, I wanted to go hog wild. You were nine years old, so you had no money of your own. I was 10, for your information. Sorry, 10. I keep saying you're nine.

I saved up my dollar allowance for about a year. Yeah, you got a buck? You got a buck? I think I got a buck. I think I got a buck. A buck a week. Yeah. And I saved up for like, not a year, but I saved up for a couple months leading up to

the release of this film and then blew most of it on the Comtech Raider. So that was fun. I feel like parents must think like, Jesus Christ, the kid's going to buy that thing. Then they just feel sorry for you and they're like, look, I'll get you another. You really think that's the one. That's the one you want to buy. I definitely hard sold it to my dad

using the exact verbiage on the packaging being like, no, but now toys talk. Dad, now toys talk. With ComTech readers, a universe of sound is open to you. Oh, boy. I was that kind of kid. Yeah.

I don't think I owned a single Star Wars The Phantom Menace. Nah, I must have had something. I don't know. I didn't have much. Well, here are the two tracks I want to establish. I had the N64 game, the racer. I think I had the Podracer, too. Technically, it was my brother's.

I might have had a couple books. You know how there was those big books, like picture books with all kinds of info? Doreling Kindersley. Fun fact, my parents thought that I was treated better than my brother growing up, so they decided to buy him a Nintendo 64 and me a Game Boy to put me in my place.

Wow. Like, they specifically said, like, and you're getting a Game Boy to put you in your place? They were like, you usually get more toys than Jamesy. Jamesy really sounds like a son of a bitch, and I've met him, and he's a nice guy. He's a nice guy. Well, the thing with me is I wasn't allowed video games. Well, that was, we weren't allowed video games until that year. Yeah, I wasn't.

I think I had like a, I had a Game Gear. Oh, okay. Yes, sir. But, you know, I wasn't, we weren't allowed like a TV console. Yeah, that was the first year, 99 was the first year we were allowed to get one. And when I was 12 or 13, I saved, I got two pounds a week. I lived in England. Hey, boy.

And I saved for 13 weeks and then I bought myself a Super Nintendo, which was an outdated console. Right. But nonetheless, a console. for 13 weeks and then I bought myself a Super Nintendo which was an outdated console but nonetheless a console. And then my mom was like no you're not allowed but I was like I'm buying it.

And so that broke the bow and then they bought my brother every console he wanted. I was a pioneer. You were the Rosa Parks of the Sims family owning video game systems. My parents would get angry if we went over to a friend's place and we played their video games. And then my brother campaigned really hard. And there was a family meeting.

And it was like, we've decided we're finally going to buy a video game system. But it's going to belong to Jamesy. It's going to be in Jamesy's room. What? It's not going to be. It wasn't in the shared room? No, it was in Jamesy's room. Like in the living room?

Jamesy had a cheap TV. They got him a Radio Shack. God damn it, James. Whatever it was, like a $60 TV. This is some straight bullshit. It didn't even have antennas or whatever. It was just to play the N64. Right, sure.

And Griffin, since you usually get more toys, which was like, that was just a product of me asking. And you were older, right? I was older. I had more years to accumulate a fucking killer collection. Just a tight as me asking. And you were older, right? I was older. I had more years to accumulate a fucking killer collection. Just a tight as shit collection. And yeah, so they were like,

you get a Game Boy. Like a Game Boy, not color. It was color. I think color had just come out that year. It was 99. All right,

so not the worst thing in the world. Yeah. But no N64. So glad we did that family sidebar. Did you see that? There's this ad now with the Nintendo 64 kid

that's driving me crazy you know the Nintendo 64 yeah he's like grown up now and he's getting like a Samsung or something it's terrible who cares let's talk about something important the merchandise for Star Wars episode 1

the Phantom Menace I got a couple different tabs over here. I want to establish two parallel tracks. Okay. One is items I wish I owned. I'm going to tell you things that I have strong emotional memories of wanting very badly as a child. Now, I have a question. Are these items easy to get now or would they cost a lot of money on eBay?

Are they collector's items? David, great question. I'm glad we're getting to this now. What, 15 minutes into this episode? I think, Ben, we've been going for a solid hour, right? No, not even close at all. I'd say more like 11 minutes, 12 minutes. Cool. I have also opened a tab here

on eBay for the Phantom Menace. And I have clicked on the buy it now thing. And I want to commit to we're going to have three tracks. One is items I wanted as a child. Yeah. Two is I'm going to commit to buying an item before this episode ends.

I'm excited for you. I just typed in Phantom Menace lot, so I want a large amount of something. It was just my birthday. You could buy me something too. Oh. You don't have to do that. Oh, don't think that I haven't.

I have an item for you. I have something picked out. We're going to build up to that. Okay. And the third track is, this podcast is ostensibly, it has one goal. To answer one question. What is The Phantom Menace about? That's true.

We have come up short every week. You know, we always bat around a theory and then it's like, yeah, but why? You know, it always ends with us sighing desperately into our microphones. If Phantom Menace is a movie that was only brought to life through merchandise. Okay. Right? The merchandise paid for the production. That's true.

This is the genesis of the film in a weird sort of way. Maybe the merchandise is the key to figuring out the movie. Maybe there are clues within the products that can help apply a different prism through which to view the film. Right. Or maybe you just wanted to talk about toys for an hour.

Yeah, I love talking about toys. I understand what you're saying, Griffin. But first up, here's an item that might help us. Oh, and the third track is you trying to buy something. Right, okay, I get it. I get all the three tracks.

Buying things I wish I had as a child. A trident. It's like a trident. There are three I get all the three tracks. Buying things I wish I had as a child. It's sort of like a trident. It's like a trident. There are three prongs. Three prongs. Buying things you wish you had when you were a kid. Those two might intersect. And what's the movie?

What's the movie about? Yeah. First item falls into what is the movie about? Okay. It is a plush toy. Ooh. I'm on rebelscum.com. I'll throw them a quick plot.

Rebelscum has a very good photo archive of merchandise. It's a merchandise website. A lot of expanded universe stuff I'll throw them a quick plot. Rebelscum has a very good photo archive of merchandise. It's a merchandise website. A lot of expanded universe stuff, but they have a nice section. Does that Han Solo guy come up again? Yeah, which is like, I don't want fucking toys based off a Photoshop trading card. He's a person. What's so interesting? Yeah, I don't care about that.

Here is an alien. This toy is called Hungry Hero Jar Jar. It's from 1999. It retailed for $17.99. The 99 economy. 99 economy. Okay, so Jedi Master Points, 20 points. That was a system.

They had Jedi Master Points. Each toy had a proof of purchase. You could send them in. I think they never came up with a system to redeem them for anything. Jesus Christ. Weapons and accessories. It comes with two chubas. What's a chuba?

Well, it seems to say that these are one of the things he steals from the... Gragra, but we know those are gorgs. Right, so I don't know, because this looks like what he steals from Gragra, right? Well, whatever. Alright, so this, like, it's horrifying. It is a plush doll of Jar Jar, but his tongue

is, like, sticking out. And he's got plastic eyes. And it's curled kind of like Dilbert's tie. Yes. And the eyes are plastic did you say? The eyes are plastic. So they'd be hard. So if you were sleeping in a bed, the eyes might scratch. He gave me a side view of it.

It's even worse. Yeah, it's really terrible. It looks, his tongue looks a little like a prolapsed anus. That's absolutely it. That's what it looks like. It's all curled Yeah, it's really terrible. His tongue looks a little like a prolapsed anus. Yeah, that's absolutely it. That's what it looks like. It's all curled up and gnarled. And this toy talks. If you squeeze his belly.

Oh, you're going to read all the things he says? His catchphrases include, Icky, icky goo. Does he say that in the movie? Maybe. How wooed. Mesa called Jar Jar Binks? You said Jedi are Kowaisi.

Can we go back to that episode where we talk about races? This shit is. You said Jedi are Kowaisi. Uh-huh. Maxi big divorce. Mexa big divorce? Maxi big divorce. I think that's him saying, wow, the force is large. The force is big. Right, okay. Mexi-big-de-force. Mexi-big-de-force? Mexi-big-de-force. I think that's him saying, wow, the force is large.

The force is big, right, okay. It's a fucking movie. We doodit. We doodit. Is that we did? Yeah, but it's spelled D-U-D-E, like dude. Yahoo! Yahoo!

And oi, moi, moi, I love yous. Oh, boy. Plus, two different tongue sounds. Now, this is supposedly what the movie is about? How are you going to connect this? Okay, because when you squeeze his belly, he's not called Hungry Hero Jar Jar for no reason, okay? He's hungry.

You squeeze his belly his tongue unfurls Sure. straight out sort of like a party blower. Yeah. And it comes with the two chupas

and you're supposed to be able to catch a chupa in the tongue bring it back into his mouth to reenact our favorite scene where he steals a gorg using only his tongue. Right. But let's look back at the title of this product.

Hungry Hero Jar Jar. He's the hero. Of what? The Phantom Menace? Eating gorgs? Well, George has made it clear to us that Padme Amidala is the hero. The story is her story.

She's the protagonist. Right. So is he heroic for eating gorgs and chupas? Is the film implying that somehow him eating these foods, stealing them with his prolapsed anus tongue, is in fact a heroic act? Now, we know that when he steals from Gragra he sets a chain of events in motion obviously that basically ends up feeding Tatooine's homeless population. Right.

But I do not understand any other way in which he would be a hero for eating stuff. That's not enough for you? But that's not in the movie! Come on. It's canon. Well you're saying and I think we both thought when we read that episode two was probably going to be about all that. I think it was Grag It's canon. Well, you're saying, and I think we both thought when we read that, episode two was probably going to be about all that. I think it was a Gragas story.

Yeah. I think it was a Gragas story. So you're saying, like, you know, sure, Amidala might be the Phantom Menace protagonist, but Jar Jar Binks is the Star Wars protagonist. David, this is all I'm saying. A company like Hasbro, right? Very smart company. Constantly this is all I'm saying. A company like Hasbro, right? Very smart company. Constantly vying for the top spot.

I mean, Mattel and Hasbro are always jockeying to be the number one toy company. We're talking the big dog here. Yeah. Right? They don't throw words around willy-nilly without meaning. They focus everything. The focus group, everything. And they think through everything creatively.

They could have called it Hungry Jar Jar. And it would have sold, but they went, no, that's underselling. He's a hungry hero. Is there any indication that this sold? No, this didn't sell. No one bought it. He's a hungry hero. What child would want this nightmare in their bed? No one. That's why I wanted to set up three different

tracks so you didn't think that I wanted this. I had no interest in this garbage. It's a fucking stupid product. Oh, boy. Okay, what's next? Okay. There's so much. He's scrolling through a page that is just,

it's like bottomless. This is one I really wanted. Jabba the Hutt. So now we're into Griffin wanted this. Yes, with two-headed announcer. Oh, with Foden Bede. Yes. Now, interestingly, this was the original release of Foden Bede.

There was a later re-release a couple years later, because I don't know if you know this, originally Greg Proops and whoever the fucking asshole was who played Bede, they were in makeup. They were not a CGI creation. They shot their faces in a ton of makeup and then CGI'd their faces onto a body and they thought it looked too creepy and ended up going full CGI.

So this is the Photon Bead with realistic heads. They have realistic faces. I can barely see it. Let me see if I can get a better picture. Hold on. But this one, they have realistic heads, which is very creepy, but there's something more interesting going on here. This is trying to recreate all the excitement of the pod race, right?

Yeah. So when you think about the pod race, what do you think of? What's the most exciting moment in the pod racing sequence, which we covered last week, is the most exciting sequence in the film? Probably when Anakin is clashing with Sebulba? Wrong. Okay.

You have to pick one moment that really encapsulates the thrill and the joy of the Star Wars Phantom Menace universe. I have a feeling that whatever I say is not going to be the correct answer, and this action figure focuses on something really boring. I don't think that's true. Give it two more shots. Okay. When the Tusken Raiders shoot at the pod racers. Very wrong.

One more. When Ben Quaggianeros' pod won't start, and then One more. When Ben Quadrineros' ship pod won't start and then it explodes. That's close. I would say that's number two. Okay. So what's number one? Here's a close up of their faces. This is going to be really interesting for the listeners. Just you looking at them and acknowledging that yes

that does look like Greg Proops. It does. It does right. It's a pretty good likeness. It looks really really creepy too. No. Very creepy. This film chose to depict the number one most exciting moment, which is when Jabba the Hutt

bites the head off a chupa and spits it at a guy. I was thinking that. That is pretty good. When he starts the race by executing a small animal. So it comes with a large chupa. No, this is not Jabba the Hutt. What is this thing? This is Jabba the Hutt.

Oh, God, it looks terrible. This is everyone's favorite Jabba the Hutt. Everyone's favorite character. His lips are green, like a dark forest green. No, that's to facilitate the action feature. Because you take the head off of... The chupa or whatever it is. And the chupa is like a missile.

It's like one of those classic spring-loaded missiles that we know for our youths. And so they have to create a large opening. It looks kind of like a glory hole. In Jabba the Hutt's mouth is dark green plastic. There's no kinda about it. Right. And so you put that in. It looks very unnatural without the chupa. And then if you put the chupa in...

He's loading another picture. This is scintillating. See, like there. Now he's just got a chupa head sticking out of his mouth. Yeah. And you drop his arm and it shoots out at full force and hits the gong. And does the gong make a noise? No, it's just a little plastic thing. I cannot tell you how badly I wanted this one.

So why didn't you get it? This is my question. There they are. I found a picture. Oh, that's terrifying. Yeah, it is pretty scary. Their actual makeup. You can see why they didn't do it.

Yeah, it's really creepy. Yeah. Why didn't I, their actual makeup. You can see why they didn't do it. Yeah, it's really creepy. Yeah. Why didn't I get it? Yeah. I don't know. I mean, Austin Powers, the spy who shagged me, came out a couple months later, and I moved on to that. What a movie.

I just wanted a lot of Austin Powers merchandise. I think that became... You ask why I didn't own more of it. I think really, like, Austin Powers came out two weeks later, and Austin Powers became my favorite movie of all time. Oh, man. Austin Powers 2. The thing with, like, Powers became my favorite movie of all time. Oh, man. Austin Powers 2. The thing with, like, the ship shaped like a penis?

So funny. Yeah, that murdered me in the theater. So funny. Okay, so now we're on to eBay. So you're looking for this toy on eBay? No, we're going to look for other stuff. This is what I want. I told you recently that I've been bidding on ComTech lots.

Yeah, you did. I think you told everyone. I think you meant maybe you only told me in private. Yeah, I might have told you in private because I was a little embarrassed. I've been getting drunk and looking for lots of ComTechs. Producer Ben just shaking his head like he's feeling sorry for this man over here. I'm not really interested in the figures. Okay, see, this is something I want right here.

And this is a buy it now best offer, okay? Holy, this is a pile of ComTechs. It's 19 ComTech chips. Which, if you haven't listened to, like, episode one when Griffin talks about this, it's this, like, complete pyramid scheme of a toy where you have to buy some kind of, like, radio communicator thingy. Now toys talk like never before. Each figure comes with a little plastic chip. And you would, like like plug the chip in.

You wouldn't even plug it in. You'd swipe it over the top. It looks like Obi-Wan Kenobi's comm line communicator. Okay. And you buy that, the reader, which I maybe have somewhere. My parents are moving, so I actually have to move all my childhood stuff. From your childhood home? Yeah.

Wow. So I have to move all my stuff out of there. Are they downsizing now that the kids are out of the house? Or are they your sisters? Yeah, it's a combination of emptiness and also my father being a tremendous financial debt. Oh, cool. Yeah.

Real mismanagement of funds. Sorry to hear that, bud. Do you want to say that on air? Yeah, sure. Oh, cool. My dad will never listen to this. What if your dad listens every week? No.

Okay, here's the plan. Sorry, dad. Ben, I'm going to say cut that part out, but then don't cut it out. But then I have plausible deniability because I said cut it out. Do you know what I'm saying? You should cut this part out. And then you can blame me later.

Cut this part out. Oh, okay. Cut the part out with me telling you to say cut it out. Okay? Anyway, so clean edit point, cut it out. Okay, yeah. Ben, just cut that part out. Cool.

All right, no problem. Cool. But so the question remains, the ComTech trips are worth nothing without the ComTech reader. And even with the ComTech reader, one could argue they're basically worthless. Pretty, I mean, valuable. How many phrases do they generate? Each has maybe three, three or four. But I want to find the best deal.

This guy's got 19 no duplicates, right? A lot of good trips here. I see Darth Maul. I see... Does Darth Maul have three lines? No, he's probably got one. Yeah. I could figure out what his one line is.

But this is a pretty good deal. This guy's saying $10.99 or make a best offer. Shipping is free. It's $19. But is it better? Like, this is 14 chips plus the comm link. Yeah, but he's charging you $9 for shipping. That's 19. But is it better? Like this, this is 14 chips plus the comm link. Yeah, but he's charging you nine bucks for shipping. That's crazy.

Oh yeah, yeah. Fuck this guy. Although you do get the comm link. Yeah. The reader. Yeah, the reader. This is such good podcasting. This guy, this guy has-

Mr. Ben is firing us. He's just writing up the email to fire us right now. I can see it. Okay, this guy's lot is... No, that's not that. That's not what that is. But keep going. You guys are doing great. Okay, cut that part out. This guy's lot is 48

chips. Holy cow. There are 48? No duplicates. That might be the complete set. Jesus Christ. They're so big. They're really big. They're like big plastic dog tags. This is some bullshit. They're really big. They're like big plastic dog tags. This is some bullshit. It's $29.99, but free shipping.

Buy it now. Make an offer. Yeah. What do you think is the offer I should make that is responsible? $20. Right? I think so. I'd be happy paying $20 for this.

If he gets anything more than $1 for this thing after shipping, I feel like he's a lucky man. I'm going to make a $20 offer right now with real American money that I have earned through working. It's amazing. You were just working just this weekend. You have a real job. Yeah, I got some real jobs coming up. Yeah. And you know what that means.

Time to start spending money irresponsibly. Right, because you're still, I feel like, in that phase of your life where the money just sort of goes into unusual places. Very much so. You're not buying yourself a cast iron pan or some kitchenware or maybe... No, that's irresponsible. I've known Griffin for years now. I've never been to his apartment. I'd really like to go, but I imagine that it's got a lot of toys and shit.

Yeah, well, my roommates are very classy adults. Yeah. And so there's a really interesting clash of aesthetics within our apartment. They are basically getting ready to live their adult lives together, and that part of the apartment looks like that. Yes. And one of my roommates is a—my two roommates are getting married to each other. Yep. And one of my roommates is a, my two roommates are getting married to each other. Yep. And one of my roommates is a ceramicist.

And so we have a lot of really elegant pottery up on the wall. That sounds great. And then we have a shelf that's called the International Tribute to Batman. That's just different Batman toys in different scales, different mediums, different artistic interpretations. Yeah. I also bought a big rotating media tower for my Disney Infinity figures. Disney Infinity, of course, being my favorite video game. And you have to buy all these toys that actually go with it.

You have to buy all these toys. It's part of the new emerging toys to life segment. It's another pyramid scheme. It's a brilliant pyramid scheme from Disney. Well, my father had a gambling addiction. Oh, man. Me and your dad should talk. Yeah. My dad's a brilliant pyramid scheme well my father had a gambling addiction oh man me and your dad should talk yeah my dad's a really good guy i'm not allowed to go near like just really i mean like i do once in a while but if i do i will just not have money after a while that was the thing that almost ran my parents from getting married was just that he

was so he was so horrible all right and clean at a point start now. Anyway, so, yeah, but it's just, you know, I went to a casino a few months ago. Right. And I had a crazy run at the craps table and I had like $600. Yeah. And I cashed it out. Yeah. But my friends weren't ready to leave yet. And so I just sort of hung around.

And it took about 20 minutes before I just threw all of the money back on the table. Yeah. Yeah. I lost most of it. My dad bet on sports. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. I never really did that. I like the being there on the table. Yeah. I lost most of it. My dad bet on sports. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, I never really did that. I like the being there, you know?

Yeah. My dad, this podcast is just called Talking Dad. My dad had a video. It's one of the weirdest films ever made. It was like a couple years ago. My parents were like, oh, for your dad's birthday, we got this converted to DVD I want to show it to you guys. It was for my dad's 30th birthday. My mom made a video called a day in the life of peter newman where my mom played my dad and it was like that sounds great it was like

a parody of my dad's life i would love it if someone made that of me my 30th birthday is next year so like if someone wants to play me a video about me hire my mom she did a really good job yeah i mean yeah it would mostly just just be me biting my nails a lot and watching movies during the day and texting people. I don't know. I don't think it would be that interesting. Well, my dad's movie was a lot of just him acting like he was important.

But the other thing was I watched it and I didn't recognize anyone in it. Because it was like all my dad's best friends playing themselves. Sure, back before he had kids. There was maybe two people I recognized in it. And anytime I said to my mom, like, who is that? The answer was always either he was a gambling friend. Right. Or he died of AIDS.

The 80s. It's the saddest movie I've ever seen. It's the worst. My mom gives a bravura performance, though. Oh, I really want to see this. And I've never met your mother or father. She's got a very high voice. My dad has a deep voice.

And she goes, oh, listen to me. She has blonde and I've never met your mother or father. She's got a very high voice, and my dad has a deep voice. She goes, oh, listen to me. She has blonde hair, and she doesn't even dye it. It's not a very convincing physical performance. Fair enough. It's like Bradley Cooper doing Elephant Man on Broadway. He didn't go for prosthetics. No, it's all about the acting. The spirit.

Okay, so. Did you make your bid? Yeah. Good. They declined my offer. Now, but here's the thing. You said $20. I meant to type in 1999 you just type 199 i typed in 19 so let's let's try 20 let's try 20 on the dot 20 on the nugget so is this i don't

use ebay enough anymore but like is it like he has some kind of like he has a floor and if you reach that floor he probably says yeah i'll go for a better offer but that's okay that offer was declined okay now here's the thing it says this is your final chance to make an offer for this item if you reach that floor. He probably says, yeah, I'll go for a better offer, but that's, okay, that offer was declined. Okay. Now, here's the thing. It says, this is your final chance to make an offer for this item. I have one more chance

to make an offer. And then after that, you can only buy it now. For $29.99. So I would say $23. What do you think? I'm going to do $23.99. I feel like it's,

okay. You think that's pushing it? Well, I think it's more like, if you're going to just bid $24. Okay, let's bid $24. It's like, if you don't want's pushing it well I think it's more like if you're gonna just bid 24 okay let's bid $24 it's like if you don't want to miss it by a penny yeah

oh boy review and confirm it was declined okay well what the hell man okay so this guy wants $29 so it's just whether you're gonna give it to him for a Comtech

a pile of does it come with a reader no it doesn't so you might not be able to to him for a ComTech, a pile of cards. Does it come with a reader? No, it doesn't. So you might not be able to use these unless you find the toy in your parents' apartment. Which I wrote because my parents are moving out because my father has mismanaged the finances. Ben, you got your work cut out for you. Yeah. Yeah, I do.

Cut it out, Ben. I don't mean cut it out. Ben, cut you. Cut me out? I mean, cut out this attitude you're giving. Just cut it out. Okay. Your attitude's really bugging me. mean, cut out this attitude you're giving. Just cut it out. Okay. Your attitude's really bugging me.

No, you're right. Sorry. Too much tood, Ben. Too much tood. You got a rude tood going on. That's Ben's new nickname is a rude tood Ben. Rude tood. Tood deucer Ben, the poet laureate of tood.

We'll return to this thrilling. It's really hot in here right can we turn it down is that possible this is the episode where we just stop pretending I'm just playing with a thermostat right now it is really hot in here it wasn't last time

yeah I don't know guys I don't fucking know what to tell you. Cut it out? All right. We'll cut it out. So, so far, this episode's about two minutes long. Great.

So we got three tracks. I think it's clear how fucking sick we are of the Phantom Menace. We're so sick of this movie. This episode's like Steven Soderbergh's Traffic. We have to jump around. Some of the plot lines don't feel like they make sense until they all converge at the end. All right. I call Don Cheadle.

I call, well, I guess I should probably be Luis Guzman, right? Yeah. Because we want to be best friends. Oh, they're so cute in that movie. The most underrated part of Traffic. It's the best part. Can we turn down the heat in here? Is that?

Ben, do you know how to work this? Do you know how to work it? All right. Well, it's not going to happen. I don't want to get into it. All right? Okay, fine., it's not going to happen. I don't want to get into it. All right? Okay, fine. But it's not going to happen.

It's just going to be hot in here. Damn it, UCB. Yeah, cut out. Here is, going back to track one, can we decipher the plot at all from the merchandise? Okay. So what have you got? And this falls a little into promotion. We talked about briefly in the past how there was an unprecedented fast food promotion.

Yeah. Where Tricon Global, the owner of many- Oh, of Pizza Hut? KFC and Taco Bell. KFC and Taco Bell. Yes. They're called Tricon. It's always scary when you learn the name of these conglomerates that actually own all

It sounds like the Trade Federation. It sounds like, yeah. It sounds like they're building RoboCop right now. Yeah, and New Gunray is on their board. That's the thing. We all complain about Newt Gunray being racist, but that's actually just a person playing himself. Yeah, 100%.

He is good in the film. Yeah, as himself. His mere existence is problematic, though. It's a little problematic. Oh, you're saying just as his existence as a person. Yeah. So these three companies teamed up together, spent a lot of money, major bid, because they had to outbid Burger King, McDonald's, the big boys.

Just to let you know, Tricon Global is now called Yum Brands, and its global revenue in 2013 was $13 billion. They own Pepsi, too, right? They own KFC, Pizza Hut, Taco Bell, Wing Street. I don't think they own Pepsi. Okay. They would own a lot more. They used to own Long John Silver's, but they don't anymore.

Oh, boy. Based in Louisville, Kentucky. My hometown. That's not true. Yeah, it's not. Tricon Global teamed up. So each restaurant represented a planet and

I believe Taco Bell was Tatooine. Was it? Yes. Pizza Hut would have been Coruscant and KFC would have been Naboo. Alright. And they had a lot of toys that were really lackluster. I gotta say.

I was gonna try to cover all that. So these were chintzy kind of Happy Meal type toys? They weren't big boys in the game. Do you know what I'm saying? Like McDonald's, Burger King, they knew how to make a premium item at that point. But were they doing Star Wars though? No. No.

It was just these guys. No, of course. You go to Burger King during the Anastasia promotion, you might not like Anastasia. You're going to get a good fucking toy. You're going to get a great Bartok. That's a guarantee. Yeah. You're going to get maybe a fucking toy you're gonna get a great Bartok that's a guarantee yeah you're gonna get a

maybe a plush Bartok a cool Rasputin with a rotocast head I remember the Rasputin his limbs would fall off Griffin and you could pull them all back together it was a great little toy

I never even saw the movie talking Anastasia talking Anastasia is it Anastasia Anastasia I don't know I think in Russian Anastasia

I think it's pronounced Aligol. So they didn't know how to make great toys. Yeah, sure. They had the cups, which I talked about in the past, where the cup looked like their lower body, the head. Those were cool. The toys themselves were really disappointing

other than Queen Amidala's secret identity, which totally ruined the film. Which was a little Padme figure that you could fit inside Queen Amidala's coffin. Also, let's not forget, the soundtrack album came out before the movie, and one of the tracks is called Qui-Gon's Funeral. Yeah. So, you know, they weren't really trying too hard here. Yeah.

So the toys are underwhelmed, but this is where they really stepped up, was on the advertising. Okay. They had a big contest. It was sort of like McDonald's Monopoly, where you have to collect matching things, and if you could collect four properties of the same color, you win a big vacation. Sure. So for this

it was, you'd get tokens with every mail. And it was probably the three you would get all the time, and the last one was like incredibly super rare. Right, it's always the case. It was one that's like one in one billion. But it was like, you'd have to connect three characters from a similar thing. So it'd be like, oh, the three orange ones are I think it was like Shmi, Sebulba, Wado, and Anakin.

If you got those four. If you're on a planet, that makes sense. Right. You'd win a lot of money. So they promoted this thing a lot. Because the toys were just for kids. The contest was for everyone. Everyone loves winning money.

Yeah. So you can spend it on dumb toys like I do. But their big campaign was defeat the dark side. You gotta defeat the dark side. Gotta do it. And so they created their own parallel narrative in which the spokesperson for each of the three companies was a character as part of a team, a trio,

fighting to defeat the dark side. So who were the three? Well, on Wikipedia right now, and I'm going to read you the Wikipedia entries. They're short for each of the three characters. First one is named Harlan Sanders. Okay. Okay, I understand now.

I see. Is there a picture? Yep. Here he is punching someone. He's in a white suit. So he is Colonel Sanders with a lightsaber. Wikipedia says that he is likely force sensitive and was born around 97 BBY.

Wikipedia is treating this Colonel Sanders. It's literally, he's got the bolo tie. It's just Colonel Sanders. No adjustments to the design. It's the same guy we know and love. Just with a lightsaber, and it's treating him like he's a Jedi Knight who fights the dark side.

He was born around 97 BBY, which makes him very old. No, because this movie is set around 97 BBY, which makes him very old. No, because this movie is set like 20 BBY, right? Yeah, but the movie itself is a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Oh, you're saying if Sanders still exists today, he's effectively immortal.

He did found KFC, as we know. Right, and not until what, 1950, 1960? Yeah, with his Zika recipe. So at that point he was, what, thousands of years old? He's like Yaddle, or Yoda. Yeah, he was like Y recipe. Right, so at that point he was, what, thousands of years old? He's like Yaddle or Yoda. Yeah, he was like Yaddle. The one below. Colonel Harlan Sanders is a spectacle-wearing human male who was born around 97 BBY.

A known lightsaber welder and likely four cents up. He is known for wielding a lightsaber. Wielding, not welding. Well, he did both. Sanders was known as a strongly determined individual and a fierce opponent of the dark side. All that, right? We have that knowledge in our back pocket? Gotcha.

Sanders founded KFC. Oh, so that's canon too. So that also is canon? An establishment which apparently serves buckets of chicken prepared under a special recipe. Now, we know that's not apparently. We know that exists. I guess they're saying within the Phantom Menace universe. That's not proven?

Which rose in popularity over a number of years. Sanders later served in the Battle of Naboo. Oh, later? I didn't see him there. Alongside our other two mascots. Okay, let's see who they are. The Chihuahua from Taco Bell was very big at the time, 99. Yeah, I remember him.

And Pizza Hut Girl. That brings us to our next mascot. Pizza Hut Girl. Right, because Pizza Hut doesn't really have a mascot. No, they don't. In the same way that KFC has Colonel Sanders. Or McDonald's has Ronald McDonald. Yep, they don't.

Or Burger King has that frightening A Apex twin, you know? Yep. Yes. They do not. Let me see her, please. She looks like this. She's very sassy. Okay.

So she kind of looks like Super Mario with a blue belly shirt and instead of an M on her red hat, she's got a Pizza Hut logo. Yeah. And she's a girl. I'm going to throw out a deep poll here. Do you know who she reminds me of physically? Go ahead. What was her name?

Nancy Pimentel, who replaced Jimmy Kimmel on Win Ben Stein's Money. No idea who you're talking about. Well, Google it. Pizza Hut girl is wearing a red leather Pizza Hut jacket. She's got a Pizza Hut hat, and then she's got a halter top and tight jeans. Okay, yeah. A lot of midriff showing. I don't think those are jeans.

I think those are made out of PVC because it was 1999 or so. Oh, yeah, you're right. They're probably, yeah. They're pretty shiny. Okay, so can I read this one? Yep, please. The human heroine known only as Pizza Hut Girl, so secret identity, was a slicer. Ooh, sounds intense.

A slicer and martial arts expert from around the time of the Battle of Naboo. Circa 55 BBY, in case you guys don't know. Prior to joining the forces of Pizza Hut, she worked for Microtech Inc. as a hardware tester, a euphemism for hacker. What? Okay. And for two rock concert promotions, his crowd control. What does this have to do with anything? This is part of the canon. Her studies took her to far-flung locales as Hong Kong and Tunisia.

She was the youngest graduate of the Citadel. Isn't this Marie Saint-Alan time ago? I don't know. I'm really upset right now. David, I honestly don't know anymore. That's what I'm saying. We're trying to figure out the plot by looking at these characters and trying to reconcile their bios. It doesn't make any sense.

It makes perfect sense. Because at the age of 23, she found her true true calling allowing her mastery of taekwondo and her love of pizza to shine by working for Pizza Hut. And there she found herself allied with Harlan Sanders and the Chihuahua in an effort to defeat the dark side of the Battle of Naboo. Okay so that's where

it comes up. We haven't noticed. We've watched this movie 20 times. We've never noticed that in the background of these fight scenes you see Pizza Hut girl. I didn't see her or Chihuahua. Slicing and dicing. And, okay. Can I say, Pizza Hut Girl didn't, you know, they didn't have a mascot. They needed to complete the trifecta of the mascots because Colonel Sanders and the Chihuahua were so recognizable.

So they created Pizza Hut Girl. They hired this lady, Kim Murphy, to play her. Stunts handled by Lee Hennessy. A lot of stunts in the ad campaign. And then she was immediately killed off after the campaign. Pizza Girl only existed for this one campaign. Oh, I see. And then they were just, no, we don't like it. This isn't working out. Go away. But they treated her like she

was like, like she was like poochie. Like she had always been there and we loved her. Right, right, right, right. That's a great poochie reference. Thank you. It's funny the chihuahua wasn't poochie. Yeah. Now the chihuahua. Here's the bio on the chihuahua. The ch. It's funny the Chihuahua wasn't Poochie. Yeah. Now the Chihuahua. Here's the bio on the Chihuahua. The Chihuahua was a Chihuahua dog.

Makes sense so far. This so far makes way more sense than Pizza Hut Girl. Fighting the dark side around the time of the Battle of Naboo to free the tacos. Were they being held prisoner? Apparently.

The reason he was fighting in the battle was to free the tacos. He tirelessly devoted his life to the pursuit of tacos. This dedication has allowed him to heighten his natural skills of navigation, negotiation, and general deviousness. I don't like that's an uncomfortable sort of ethnic stereotype. He put his considerable talents to work fighting the ultimate evil in the universe because he rationalized when the universe is free, the

tacos are free. Does he mean literally like free to purchase or does he just mean that they're freed of their prison? I don't know. Were the tacos down there with Yaddle and Yaddle ate all the tacos? They were below. Do you know the tacos are called the ones below, the food below?

During that time he was working on the Jedi mind trick. Apparently he never mastered it, but he was working on it. Okay, so does that give us any greater sense of what the Phantom Menace is about? Are you sure? Maybe it's about tacos. Yeah, maybe what's really happening is that tacos are being held prisoner. This talking dog had to unite a thousands years old southern colonel and known lightsaber wielder and welder.

According to you. colonel, and known lightsaber wielder and welder, and also create, bring into existence Ruby Spark-style a pizza hut girl, who's a slicer and a hacker and a blaster wielder, just to free the tacos at the Battle of Naboo. Maybe that's what the battle was really about. Maybe it was a front. No, here, like, if we can be honest, like, I mean, maybe the reason

the film is so incredibly muddled creatively and distressing to watch over and over we can be honest like i mean maybe the reason the film is so incredibly always be honest so incredibly muddled creatively and uh distressing to watch over and over again is that um it was they were trying to satisfy too many masters you know like you know it's they're trying to make a movie for kids they're trying to make a movie that can be merchandised they're trying to make a movie for fast food companies about tacos who knew i didn't know about this tacos angle until just now, but clearly the film obviously has this huge taco thread running throughout.

Sure. And like, you know, just too many cooks in the kitchen. This is the problem. George Lucas, you know, he needed to edit. He needed to cut it down, much like we're going to cut this podcast down. I disagree on all counts. So you just think the movie's about tacos.

I think the movie's about tacos. I think I finally cracked it, and we can be freed from this prison, and I don't understand why you're standing in the way of that. Fine, the movie's about tacos. The end. Podcast over. Boom. What's The Phantom Menace about?

Answer. Tacos. It's about freeing the tacos, bro. Podcast over. Boom. What's the Phantom Menace about? Answer, tacos. Free the tacos, bro. Gotta free them tacos. Here's a toy that I wanted. Go ahead. We all know that Watto was my favorite character. Was.

TC14 has likely supplanted him now. But at the time, Watto was my favorite character. As you said a couple weeks ago, as a kid, your favorite characters were Watto, Captain Tarples, and- Posnass. Posnass. That was my holy trinity.

That was my- And now your favorite characters are Gragra, Gragra, and- TC-14. TC-14. Yeah. So if Watto's name was on it, I wanted it. That was the basic rule of thumb. And this is before you've seen the film?

Yeah. But even after the film, I loved it. No, I get that it the film, I loved it. No, I get that it's after, too. Yeah. So I had the Watto cut from Taco Bell. I had the Watto action figure, but that wasn't enough for me. I wanted more.

If Watto's name was on it, I wanted it. And so this was a toy I really wanted. It was very hard to find. But you didn't get. I didn't get it. Just to clarify. And this I didn't get. This would have been my second Watto action

figure. I didn't get it because it was so hard to find. Sure. It's called Watto's Box. I'm a little freaked out already. David, what's the second most exciting moment in the Padre sequence? So we cover

the first most exciting moment is when Jabba spits a head onto a gong. It's the first most exciting moment is when Jabba spits a head onto a gong. He hits a gong. Is the second most exciting moment when he's woken up by his handmaiden? Well, kind of. Okay. Is it when Qui-Gon points

very deliberately at his iPad showing where Anakin is in a catastrophe and might just about be ready to die. You were closer the first time and I'm going to give you points for it because your problem was that you were too specific. Points! Who are you?

Chris Hardwick? Jesus. More like Chris Softwick. Soft dick? Whatever. I don't care. Just cut it out then. Sorry. Cut it out. All right.

Got it. Cut it out like a bunch. You know, cut it like real hard. Wait, edit? No, no. Keep it all in. Everything's in. Everything's in.

Everything's in. Everything's in. Don't cut anything. Starting now. Right. Right. All right. Cut everything before then.

Yeah. This is the beginning of the podcast. Hi. Welcome to the Phantom Podcast. I'm Griffin. I'm David. So what's the second most exciting moment? We're talking about the Hasbro playset, Watto's Box.

Yeah, so what's in Watto's Box? What a disgusting sentence. Yep, it's just the box where he watches the game. I was afraid it was going to be some like, you know, Iron Maiden where he keeps his slaves to punish them. Like some little sort of solitary confinement box. Or like a fleshlight. Like we reveal that Watto has a vagina. Cut that out.

Let's start again. So, but what you're talking about is just the luxury box he purchases at the Boonta Eve Classic to watch the race from. Well, I don't think he purchases. I think he probably has it. I think he has it season long. That's my feeling. Yeah, it's yes. That's what it is.

It's yes. It's yes. All right, so can I see this, please? Yeah, I'm trying to get a better high def picture. But what you basically have is, it comes with a contact chip. It was very hard to find. Okay. Because kids want to relive this moment

over and over again so you're saying it's not because even Hasbro knew their limits and didn't make many of these it's because people they just flew right off the shelves kids love to play out their favorite scenes from movies they like to play out their favorite scenes from movies

they like to relive epic battles and their favorite thing to do with action figures is pretend... Why are the colors so off? They like to pretend that the action figures are watching things. That's a fun, active thing to do with action figures. Producer Ben, if you want to look at Watto's box.

So Watto is hanging out in a box on a chair. He's standing on a chair. He's next to a red Twi'lek woman in a bikini. Those are the women who have the two kind of tentacles coming out of their head. And I don't know what that thing is.

He's got some nine foot tall cone head. He's got a pointy head. He's got a long goatee beard. It's a slightly different water than the one I had because his wings are down. They're pointing down.

Yeah, because he's sitting. Well, he's not sitting. He's standing on the chair. Yeah. That's a very clear point to make. And then you get these two other terrifying-looking creatures. Yeah. And it comes with a contact ship that only has two lines,

but they're longer lines. The boy is good, but the Nubian ship will belong to me, and nobody beats Sebulba. I put $50,000 on him to win. So this is interesting. These are not lines he says. They are not lines in the film. So that's what the contact is.

They're like subtext. Right. It's like, okay. Okay. How much did this cost? 20 bucks. Not bad for three figures. You got 20 Jedi Master Points.

What if one day Congress reveals that Jedi Master Points are how we're going to do all commerce from now on? That's our future currency. Okay. You know what time it is. We got to go back to eBay. Okay. So you're going to try and buy this? Well, I'm going to... I'm going to search for WattoBox. I'm going to add this to watch got to go back to eBay. Okay. So you're going to try and buy this? Well, I'm going to...

I'm going to add this to watch list. So I have this here. Okay. So I can pay $30 for it later if I want it. We're 52 minutes in. So if you're going to buy something on this podcast, you better do it. God, this has been such a good episode. It's been...

I mean, what do you think, Ben? Do you think we're going to win a Pulitzer for this one? What? Yeah. What's going on? Just edit everything. Just cut the whole thing. All right.

This whole podcast is Ben's dream. Welcome to my dreams. Ben, what's going on in your dream right now? Describe it to us. I'm not in a padded room. We are in a padded room. With no windows. With no windows and really no air.

That definitely helps the feeling of insanity is that we're in a padded room with no ventilation talking about the Phantom Menace week after week. I mean, there is a vent, but as far as I can tell, it's not working. They might be piping gas in through that vent. TC14 might come in at any moment now and offer us tea, and then we'll know. This Wi-Fi is so

slow that I'm trying to start a new search for Comtex for a cheaper price. Griffin. Because this episode's gone long, I might have backed myself into a corner for paying $30 for this lot. I don't know if we have time to... Well, is there any other toy? Are there other toys? Search for WattoBox.

To see how much it costs? I don't know. Whatever. Just what else have you got? Yeah, I want to see what else people have done. The Micro Machines Galactic Senate set. Ooh, this is great. I loved Micro Machines when I was a kid. They were great. They were little scenes, vehicles. The figures are tiny. They're like an inch, half an inch. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

So this looks like, yeah, this is the Galactic Senate. Instead of a million Senate seats, it has four. It has four. And then upstairs we've got like an office. That's where Anakin goes to visit Padme when they talk to her. He's trying to catch her in the shower. Palpatine talks to her.

Yeah, he's trying to catch her in the shower. That's cool. I like that. Yeah. Well, I mean, once again. Did you have this? You get to relive the action of the films. Yeah.

So micromachines usually are, it's a medium. You can stage a whole Senate meeting. Epic battles, you know? The action of the films. Yeah. So, Micro Machines usually are, it's a medium. You can stage a whole Senate meeting. Epic battles, you know? The Battle of Naboo, and because they're so small, you can have all the warriors there and all the vehicles and all the ships. This just lets you show, like, three senators talking. Yeah, well, you can have, like, a subcommittee meeting. Yeah, it comes with two old white guys.

Valorum and Palpatine? Who's this? The other? Yes. Yes. Exactly. And there's a little space car flying by. Oh, cool. It's just trying to get to work. On Carson. Yeah. I think Ben's going to kill us. I think he's going to

kill us. We talked about the Avengers for about an hour before we recorded, too, so Ben had to suffer through that. No, it's fine. It's good. This is great. He's so good at this. Ben, what would you be doing with your time if not recording this? That's a good question.

I would be editing other podcasts. Ben, you are a podcast editor. I suppose that makes sense. That is true. You're a podcast editor by trade. Yep. Yeah, I was born to do it. Which is a very sad statement.

No. It's great. It's awesome. Think about all the people born to do podcasts in the 19th century. There was no podcast. There was no podcasting then. Do you want to get lunch

after this one? Yeah, I'm hungry. Okay, cool. Keep that down. So far, that's the whole podcast? That's the whole podcast. Just you asking Ben to get lunch with him later? Chipotle? What do you think? Oh, yeah'm hungry. Okay, cool. Keep that in. So far, that's the whole podcast? That's the whole podcast. Just you asking Ben to get lunch with him later? Chipotle?

What do you think? Oh, yeah, definitely. That's what I was going to suggest. Keep that. Here is- Maybe record some footage in Chipotle, too. Sure. Spice it in.

Yeah. Yeah. Just our orders. Yeah, spice in the orders. What do you guys order at Chipotle? What's your- This is not going to be in the podcast. This is totally in the orders. What do you guys order at Chipotle? What's your... This is not going to be in the podcast. This is totally in the podcast. No, guys. I found two

better deals. Great. Okay. This guy has 22 chips for $10.99 plus $6.99 shipping. Buy it now. This guy, here it is. We found it. 25 chips for $17.

Free shipping. Okay. Okay? So we got Tarples, Nuke on Ray, Brick Olay, Qui-Gon,

Odie Mandrell, the Comtech Communicator. I think you should go for the 48 chip one, man. This $30? 48 chips. Let's see if the guy has the lesson. Here is the final reveal for you,

David. Okay. It's a birthday present. I just want to point out the fact that we have not even in an hour scratched the surface

of how many freaking toys they were. Too many. There's just so many toys. Too many. Oh, here's another fun one that I really wanted as a child. I assume there were action figures for all the main characters, right?

Too many. Right. Just like your classic kind of... But everyone, down to Sio Bibble. Here's another thing, if we can extrapolate meaning from the film. Sio Bibble comes with griping. I'm trying to tie all these threads together. Yeah.

Battle bags. Okay? So here's what a battle bag looked like. griping. I'm trying to tie all these threads together. Yeah. Battle bags. Okay. So here's what a battle bag looked like. You get a little card and there's literally just a bag. It looks like a hacky sack. Yep. And then a little plastic spear. Okay. That's what that is. Yep. Yep. And what the battle bag was was it was filled with weird

like gross wet bath salts. Am I out of my mind? I didn't make this. I wanted this so badly. My parents went by for me because they thought it sounded gross. It sounds gross so far.

It's filled with like weird like bath salts like multicolored bath salts and then you take the spear and you cut it open and there are creatures inside. What? Sea creatures.

Oh, so it's like sea monkeys. But it's not like a mystery. It's not like, oh, you don't know which ones you're going to get. You get like some of the creatures that chase. But wait, are these real? Yeah, these are some of the creatures. No, but are they alive? No.

Oh, so they're not like sea monkeys. No, they're just like little rubber things. But you put them in your bath? Is that the idea? No, you do whatever you want with them. There were four different sets and you knew which ones you were going to get. It's not like collect them all. You have to keep on buying them, opening up the packs to see which ones you get.

That's good of them. Yeah. It comes with, like, a scalpel. Yeah, it's called a cutting tool. A packaging variation. Some of them change the name from Skittle Sea Creature to Fah. So just keep that in the back of your mind. Wait, this was your ending gambit?

This is what was going to tie it all together? No, that's not my ending gambit. A bunch of bath salts that used to smoke age 10. That's not my ending gambit. We had three tracks. I was trying to wrap up all three tracks. Do one last installment for all three tracks. Understood.

Okay? Cool. Track one. Things that might help us understand the meaning of the film. But this was track two things you wanted at the time? The bath salts? Or was this track one? This is track two, Things You Wanted, at the time, the bath salts? Or was this track one? This is track one.

Okay. That was a long pause. Because I realize I fucked this up. That's both. That's both. That's both. Because now the tracks have changed. One track is those two things combined.

I think the tracks have changed a bunch. It's called a battle bag. Why is it called a battle bag? That's not a battle. I guess so, yeah. It's sort of in it, you know. There's a, yeah. No, it's not a battle.

Some of those creatures look friendly. Now you're telling us they were the real enemy? That they were the swamp creatures? They were just. Who we were supposed to be fighting the whole time? Wasn't it just like, it was like, what's another B word? These guys are just walking around. Something bag.

Well, they're swimming around. Well, some of these were swamp creatures. They were on land. There were four packs. I'm sorry, bags. Probably get a burrito bowl. Chicken. Chicken. Black beans. Guac. Yeah, you know I deserve it. Yeah, you do deserve it. Treat yourself. Thanks. To quote

the TV show. David, there was a 12-inch line of figures. The standard Star Wars figures are 3 and 3 quarter inches tall. Cool, cool, cool, cool. Fully plastic. Okay. 12-inch is sort of a G.I. Joe scale. Oh, 12-inch line of figures. Yeah. The standard Star Wars figures are three and three-quarter inches tall. Cool, cool, cool, cool. Fully plastic. Okay. 12-inch is sort of a G.I. Joe scale. Poseable.

Oh, 12-inch is like a big one, right? Right. So it's a larger, poseable, with real cloth. In England, it was called Action Man. Well, that was a different character. Yeah, I know, but it was- It was your equivalent. It was our equivalent, exactly.

But Action Man has been reconciled into the G.I. Joe timeline at points. That's weird. They almost did an Action Man movie. I had an Action Man that swam.ed into the G.I. Joe timeline at points. That's weird. They almost did an Action Man movie. I had an Action Man that swam. He had flippers. Yeah. Yeah, and he would do the front crawl if you wound him up. Action Man was almost going to be in G.I. Joe Rise of Cobra

because they wanted to appeal more to European audiences. So, like, some English guy would play him? Yeah, I can't remember who it was going to be. The 12-inch figures, it's a more a more expensive line right it's more of a collector scale and so whereas the main figures they'll cover anybody and everybody this is like the heavy hitters because you're not going to buy all the 12 inchers right okay so you got your anakin's your battle droids of course your chancellor velorums of course but outside of that outside of that i mean look it's a pretty short list all considering compared to other lists, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sebulba, Qui-Gon, Pitroids, Mace Windu, Jar Jar, Darth Maul. Pitroids. The main ten, pretty much, right? Mm-hmm. But one character snuck in here.

Okay. As if a message to us, a time capsule from the past. They were like, hmm, in 16 years, someone's going to make a podcast about this movie. They're going to present a deconstruction of this film. They saw us, hmm, in 16 years someone's going to make a podcast about this movie. They're going to present

a deconstruction of this film. They saw us in the theaters in our respective theaters and were like, there they are. This is an expensive item. And not only did they say, oh, we're going to make

it a 12-incher, we're going to make it a deluxe electronic 12-incher. Ooh, usually reserved only for Darth Maul, Jar Jar, Qui-Gon. Right? I can't believe Jar Jar

made that list. It's crazy. Three electronics. Oh, and see through here. There are four electronics. HeavyGon, right? I can't believe Jar Jar made that list. It's crazy. Three electronics. Oh, and C-3 hit. There are four electronics. Heavy hitters, right? They snuck one more electronic under the radar. Who the fuck do you think it was, David?

Captain Panaka? Electronic. Are you crazy? Talking. Holy shit. TC-14. That's crazy. Look at her.

She looks beautiful. It speaks five phrases from the movie. All's crazy. Look at her. She looks beautiful. It speaks five phrases from the movie. All five phrases. You can reenact every line of dialogue in TC-14. Probably in Lindsay Duncan's. Yeah. Oh yeah, David. This is crazy. I wouldn't have predicted this in 1,000 years. I told you I had a good

ending. It is a good ending. That is a good ending. I feel so good right now. Who would think it comes with the little silver tray? It says five phrases. It says, I'm TC14 at your service. My master will be with you shortly. We are greatly, this is misspelling. This is greatly honored by your visit. Make yourself comfortable this way

ambassador. Wow. So anytime you want to stage an ambassador's visit with your action figures. Now, TC14 was $29.99. That's pretty cheap. But they knew at the time also that this was like a more niche item. This was for the diehards. They were waiting for us to get it later.

I'm trying to track one down at a good price for your birthday. Just so you know. That's a nice birthday thing. That would actually make my birthday. I know. I'm trying to get two of them. That's why it's taking me a little while. Because I'm trying to find two at a good price because I need one too, obviously.

It's like when the siblings both had to read Harry Potter. And so the parents would just have to buy two books. Yeah. And quickly to close the book on Rebel Scum before we go back to eBay and I purchased this lot. Yep.

I just want to quickly show... Where is it here? Rebel Scum, a very very extensive and thorough archive of all the merchandise. Where is this? Yeah. So you can see different companies, different toys, different lines, right?

Lego. There were a lot of Lego sets for Phantom Menace. Sure. I clicked. I was like, maybe there's a good Lego item to look at. This is their full page for Lego. Every other page, you click on Hasbro, it's 17 pages, all the items, categorized pictures, details, and accessories. It says, unfortunately, Lego has advised us they do not value the Star Wars collector that buys Star Wars

Lego as much as the Lego fan that buys Star Wars Lego. We don't believe it serves our community well and no longer dedicate resources to covering Star Wars Lego. Lego is the trademark of Lego Group of Companies, which does not sponsor, authorize, or endorse this site. What the fuck happened between Rebel Scum and Lego? Let's be honest. Yeah. Lego's better than everyone else. Yeah, no question.

And they act like it. That's clearly what's happening here. They don't make Star Wars toys. They make Legos. And maybe they make Legos that look like Star Wars toys, and that's cool, but they make Legos that look like Star Wars toys and that's cool but they're Legos. First and foremost. Rebel Scum

got in some big fight with them or I don't know. Whatever. You're just silent right now. I'm looking at these two lots because we've got to end this episode and I've got to buy one of these two.

Why won't you buy one? It's $30 no shipping. $30 no shipping versus $17 no shipping but this is almost twice as many. It's twice it's more than twice as many duplicates largest collection on ebay uh pictures just for reference small box you don't know which ones you're gonna get you know what i'll fucking buy it and we'll open it up and we'll see which characters i got right and i'll hopefully i'll find the contact reader if not i have to buy a new one god i'm doing this

jesus christ you don't have to do this. No, I'm doing it. Money makes me really uncomfortable. Me too. Like having it makes me uncomfortable and I have to spend it on garbage. You should give me a bunch. Yeah, I should give you a bunch.

Can I talk about something really annoying as I'm checking out on PayPal? Go ahead. Yesterday I was with some friends drinking outside. A guy comes up, very clean looking, trendy haircut, stuff shaved into the side. He's like, I'm so sorry to bother you. And I'm really embarrassed to do this. I told myself I'd never do this. I want you to know how much it humbles me to have to. I'm a veteran. I just

got back from two tours in Afghanistan. I'm staying with my brother. I live in Brooklyn. I'm staying with my brother. I have a baby. He was throwing so much information at us at once. Right, right, right. And he went, I got stuck here because everything's so expensive in Brooklyn. I came here to buy diapers for my baby. Turns out I don't have any money. I gave $100 to a guy yesterday. I feel like an idiot for doing that.

I just need $17 to buy diapers. All that spiel. And it was such an overload of specifics. Yeah, that's a real information overload. I'm there with my friend Alejandro. Oh, Ali. How you doing? He's doing well.

Thanks for asking. And we both are just like, fuck. And, like, give him $2. Okay, yeah. We give him a combined $4. Sure. Okay? And he looks at it and he goes,

oh, I'm still, like, $13 short. I mean, by his math, that's correct. And I was like, yeah. He goes, okay. Jesus Christ. And walks away like we're assholes for giving him money. And the second we walked away, we were like,

well, that guy was bullshitting too. Yeah, he doesn't, he's not going to buy diapers. No guy who served tours had skin like this man. I'm talking the most beautiful, unblemished skin I have ever seen. The story is he gave $100 to a guy the day before. Producer Ben has his hand on the door handle. He wants to get up. He's opened the door.

That's not a comedy bang-bang sound effect. Producer Ben just walked out. He is left. He doesn't like what's going on this podcast well I have any officially purchased a $30 lot of ComTech chips so get ready I think we got two episodes I think we have two max left yeah this show will continue oh my god we'll cover

other things I think maybe you know we're listening to fans and what they want. It sounds like judging the judge is probably the most popular pick right now. I mean, you mean of any media property in existence right now? Of any media property that we could potentially cover, David Dobkin's The Judge starring Robert Downey Jr., Vera Farmiga, and Robert Duvall in an Academy Award nominated performance. My favorite thing about The Judge is the trailer lists everyone. It's like Academy Award nominee Robert Downey Jr., Academy Award nominee Vera Farmiga, Vincent D'Onofrio, Academy Award winner Robert Downey Jr. And there's more people in this cast.

Oh, and Academy Award winner Billy Bob Thornton. Yeah. Vincent D'Onofrio gets nothing before his name. It's a real sad state of affairs. Well, thank you all for listening to the show. Thanks, of course, to a friend of the show, Vincent D'Onofrio gets nothing before his name. It's a real sad state of affairs. All for listening to this show. Thanks, of course, to a friend of the show, Vincent D'Onofrio. You're an Oscar nominee in our hearts. Finny, come right on this show right now and talk to us about playing Wilson Fisk.

Yeah, God, what a good performance. Just a tremendous performance. Well, I've had a terrible time recording this episode. I have had a delightful time recording this episode. The only thing that bummed me out was Ben's face. Ben's sad, mournful face. Ben's stupid doo-doo face. His face looks like someone took a doo-doo and then the doo-doo had eyes.

I can't wait for this to be over. I am going to, look, I'll promise you, in the next couple of weeks, I am going to go to Google.com. Yeah. And I'm going to put in Star Wars. It's the one thing I haven't done so far in my research and just double check that there isn't anything else. Well just because he had such an epic plan for this saga

it's like maybe he adapted it into a comic book the way Joss Whedon did with season 7 of Buffy Yeah maybe there's something Was that season 7? It was 7 No no it was 8 sorry. I was so close. Season 7 is the last televised season of Buffy Something maybe something you know? Yeah.

Because I would love to hear or see in some, just get a sense of what his larger vision was for the story. And, you know, the Wikipedia is always talking about the expanded universe and all this stuff and Han Solo. So, like, you know, maybe there's something about that guy. I don't know. I gotta say, I don't like the cut of this Han Solo's jib. He looks like a slimy character.

He looks like a real douchebag. If trading cards on a digital app are anything to go off of, this guy has no cultural stickiness. Well, thank you all for listening. I've been David Sims. Oh, I've been Griffin Newman. Thank you all. And as always, I don't want Newman. Thank you all.

And as always, I don't want to grow up on the Toys R Us team. Bye, guys. Bye.