Blank Check with Griffin & David - Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children with Emma Stefansky

Episode Date: April 21, 2019

Writer, Emma Stefansky (Thrillist), joins Griffin and David to talk about 2016's fantasy flop: Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children. Together they examine the peculiarities of the children, the novel by Ransom Riggs, crossbows and famous people who are EVEN hotter in person. 

Welcome to Miss Peregrine's home for Podculeor Castrins. Castrins! Podculeor Casts. You couldn't find a line, people. There's nothing. You couldn't. There's nothing. Wait, IMDb has nothing?

You want to know what they are? If I show you the rest, you have to promise not to run away. That's one of four. Oh, yeah, I remember that. When it's in the boat, and then she... It becomes an heir. They cut to a completely different area. I just watched it last night.

Do you want to know what killed me? That's another one. I don't remember that either. No, that's the little creepy boy. I mean, that's sort of a good line in context, I guess. All of these are only kind of working in context. when he's in the, oh yeah,

Do you want to know what killed me? Okay. You don't have to make us feel safe because you've made us feel brave. Made us feel podcast. Yeah,

but like, how non-specific is that? It's a great line from, checks notes, Emma Bloom. Whoever that is. Here's another one, Baron.

And then, in brackets, Emma's keeping baron pinned against a wall by using her peculiarity hell yeah eventually you're gonna run out of breath and then it'll be all over death for your beloved jake and miss peregrine everlasting life for me baron takes a whiff of emma's breath oh and a mint for you i don't. He has a lot of lines like that. He's trying. Look, I had been wanting to do Burton for a long time. And this is the only movie that made me go like,

I don't know, maybe we should do it because it's such a bummer to end on it. Which is why like 18 months ago, you were like, we can do it if we time it to Dumbo. Exactly. I was sort of like with Dumbo on the books, this is more exciting. There's no way Dumbo is less interesting than this.

Right? Dumbo looks good. I agree. Dumbo looks great i agree looks great like it's gonna make me cry exactly it can't be less interesting than this it can't but this also on the surface on paper looks interesting the problem yeah it's got a look and uh the kids they're peculiar and i never saw this movie and i'm nervous now for dumbo honestly this one because this is a similar kind of it's a similar kind of vibe children's fairy tale well if you go like hey here's the circus tim burton's x-men yeah right he's gonna do his ya yeah but unfortunately that was it they were like tim burton's x-men and they're like, great.

And he was like, I can phone it in for the next year. Great. Okay, cool. You got that, right? You brought that down, my X-Men?

I was trying to like, I was watching it and I was like, what does this feel like? And I was like, it feels like Michelle Haneke trying to make

a Tim Burton movie. Like it has the sort of like funereal tone. Okay. It's like very icy. It's very slow. There's a lot of silence. Like, it has the sort of, like, funereal tone. Okay. It's, like, very icy. It's very slow. There's a lot of silence. It feels very hermetic.

Boring. The word you're looking for is boring. Well, I'm saying, like, the Hanukkah style would be boring if there wasn't so much going on subtextually. You know? If he wasn't, like, so keyed into the psychology of these situations.

Because everything is very, like, slow and icy and locked down. And this Burton's like, cool, I'm gonna do the Hanukkah style, except everyone's going to seem really unexcited about exciting things happening. Sure, certainly. I don't know where you're going. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not coming anywhere. I don't know where. I didn't expect you to say Hanukkah.

I'm going nowhere. Sure. Our guest today is Emma Stefanski, the great Stefanski. You didn't introduce the podcast yet. Well, important, above the title billing. All right, Emma. Hi. Hi.

She's the Eva Green of this episode in that she's the most important element. Emma Stefanski. She works at Thrillist now. I can turn into a bird. You can turn into a bird. She's our good friend. Yeah, right. You can turn into a...

Good friend. This is Blank Check with Griffin and Dave. It's a podcast about filmographies. Directors of massive success early on in their career. And then David's rolling

to a water bottle. Give a series of blank checks to make whatever crazy passion projects they want or sometimes they just make a movie like this because, I don't know, they didn't have any plans

that fall. Right, in return, you know. Right. Do you want to make an X-Men? Like a UX-Men? No. Do you want like 15 million dollars to do it? Oh okay sure let's do it.

That's how I imagine it going down. When you said the no thing I think he was probably like yeah I like making movies. I don't love sitting alone at home with my thoughts. Give me a movie to make. I guess it's been like a couple years since I made a movie. Okay let's make that one. Do you want to I guess it's been like a couple years since I made a movie okay let's make that one do you want to know what it's about? oh I figured

you'll tell me later you told me the title I can run from there it's called Podward Scissor Cast it's the films of Tim Burton unfortunately as of recording this is his most recent film we're crossing our fingers and hoping that Dumbo will be a little bit of a return to form I mean I'll say this

Dumbo from the trailers little bit of a return to form. I mean, I'll say this. Dumbo from the trailers looks nothing if not emotional. Right? I feel like the fear all of us have is like, is it going to be too saccharine? Is it going to be too manipulative? Sure. This movie is just like, there are few films with lead characters this lacking in urgency. You take his mother away. characters this lacking in urgency we have to have a whole conversation about is it asa or asa i think it's asa butterfield but it would be two s's asa butterfield pronunciation

i feel like it is asa here's my see i think it's asa too asa basa you just said you thought it was asa oh really you just said that i mean, it speaks to the forgettability of his performance. Can I ask a big question? Has anyone in this room... It's Asa. It's Asa. You can always ask a big question. That's what I remember.

Okay, Ben. Rhymes with Asia. Bruce or Ben? Yeah. Ben Dues. Oh, boy. Purdue or Ben? What's up?

Poet Laureate. Tell me. Finance Film Critic. Go on. Close personal friend of Dan Lewis. Continue. Mr. Hosnick. Lewis continue Mr. Haas sure Mr. Positive

what were you saying the Haas I'd like you to elaborate fuck master please continue tiebreaker what is your thought birthday Benny

do you have an answer to my question dirtbag Benny booker dot dot dot are you still not going to tell me what's up

here's my question for you yeah okay play you graduate to certain titles over the course of different miniseries right yes Are you still not going to tell me what's up? Here's my question for you. Yeah, okay, play. You graduated certain titles over the course of different May series, right? Yes. Preacher Ben Kenobi.

That's Star Wars. Kylo Ben, Ben Aichamelon, Ben Save Anything, dot, dot, dot. Ailey Ben's with the dollar sign, Warhawks. James Cameron. Hrubin. Oh, that was, what's his name, Nolan. Ben 19, The Fennel Maker. Yeah.

Robohawks, Benglish. the Fennel Maker. Yeah. Robo Haas. Ben Glish. Mm-hmm. Mr. Incredible. I'm pretty cool. The most recent one. What did we just do before Burton? God, we're really locked in. Oh, the Haas-la-day.

Haas, do you know? Did we do that one? Haas, do you know? No, we did Ben Glish. Be Drink, Ben Haas-ly. Be Drink, Ben Haas-ly. There you go. There you go. There you go.

What's the Burton one? I know it's quiet on the Ben front these days, but there's plenty to choose from. Benward Scissorhands. No. Beetle Haas. Bendlejuice. Bendlejuice. Bendlejuice.

Beetlevape. Okay. Beetle vape. Okay. Beetle vape juice? Okay. Beetle vape juice is not bad. David, beetle vape juice is not bad, and it's a new twist. What if we don't have to put Ben's name in the nickname? This is maybe the dark night of nicknames.

You know what I'm saying? Where it's like a nickname for a nickname. Beetle vape Juice. He's vaping right now. David, Beetle Vape Juice. Emma, Emma. Wow. You're the guest of honor.

Emma, Beetle Vape Juice. He really is vaping. Beetle Vape Juice. Okay, fine. I don't know. You're like grinding me down here. I don't have a counter to you. Oh, fuck.

I just summoned Beetle Vape Juice. I said it too many times. You know the rule. It's branded. It's 15 times and then Beetle Vape Juice is summoned. He's many times. You know the rule. It's branded. It's 15 times and then beetle vape juice is somehow. He's like,

what? Oh, okay, here I am. It's. He's super chill so it takes him a while to get there. Showtime. Takes a long drag in the middle.

Okay, so Griffin, what was your? Here's my question. Yeah. Has anyone in this room watched Sex Education? No. Because that's a comedy. You've seen it. I have. anyone in this room watched Sex Education? No. Because that's a comedy.

You've seen it. I have. Is he funny at all on that? He's nice. He's very sweet. He's doing day playing. People like that show. He's English in it, right?

Yes. So he's got the advantage of using his regular accent. This does feel like one of those performances where maybe 80% of his energy was wasted on the accent. I think so too. There are times when I was like, oh, you can really tell that he's not American. That he's really locking in. He's really trying. He's putting all of his wasted on the accent. I think so too. There are times when I was like, oh, you can really tell that he's not American. That he's really locking in.

He's really trying. He's putting all of his focus onto the accent. It's insane to have him and Chris O'Dowd in scenes together where I'm like, neither of them are good

at this accent. I know. Neither of them are American. It's one of those moments where you just go, let them be British. Are you serious? Oh, I thought they were great.

Yeah. They nailed it. The whole time I was like, oh, there's a southern man. Hey dad, isn't it weird to be in Britain? Yes, Sean. It is weird to be in Britain.

I'm a Floridian. He does that, like, the certain sometimes it gets Irish adjacent. Right. We're going on trip. No, this is what the movie is. Does he use an American accent in Ender's Game? I don't remember. Because in Hugo, he's a little English boy.

Right. Of course, a boy with the striped pajamas. He's a little English boy. You gotta wear the pajamas. Sure. I saw that movie with my grandmother screening where everyone else

was like my grandmother and everyone walked out being like, nuts and Schindler's List. And I was like, I cannot wait for anyone else my age to see this movie and call shenanigans on it.

Yeah, that one got some shenanigans. Yeah. You know, he's been around, Asa. He has. He was right around the time of the release of this film, I feel like. He was number two for Spidey. And the rumor was they're about to sign the contract.

Right, right, right. And then this came out. There were two things I heard lost him the job. One was he did. His terrible performance in this film. Three things I heard lost him the job. One was he did... His terrible performance in this film. Three things I heard lost him the job, okay? I think maybe they cooled a little bit after

seeing this performance. Two, they screen tested him with Robert Downey Jr. and he is kind of tall. Oh, he is tall, yeah. A big reason why they hired Tom Holland, aside from him being a wonderful actor who's a perfect fit for Spider-Man... Yeah, he's good at it. Oh, he's six feet tall.

Yeah. Right. And Tom Holland is like. He's here in my pocket right now. He's like 5'5". Yeah. He's like sub-griff size. Sure.

And Robert Downey Jr. is my size. Yes. And they wanted someone who looked like a child next to Robert Downey Jr. The other thing I heard is Asa Butterfield, Asa Basa Butterfield was going around telling everyone like, yeah, I'm about to sign the contract for Spider-Man. And Marvel got really angry that he was being so loose-lipped. Because it was definitely

widely reported. Butterfield is closing in. They were like, the ink is about to hit the page. Do you remember the guy who was kind of flat in three movies? Like, you know, Hugo, Ender's Game, Paragon. Hugo is kind of fine then.

I don't like that movie very much, but I think he's fine. I like that movie. He's a blank slate. Nothing. I mean, it's weird. This performance is... It's one of those things where, like, I've said this, but sometimes I see a movie... I feel mean being so mean to this fucking movie.

I do too. That's why I don't want to rag on him. I don't want to rag on him. And he's in this sex education thing now which is apparently the most watched show in the history of mankind sure netflix reporting is always like the first episode of sex education has been watched more than every super bowl combined right that that movie where kurt russell is santa has grossed more than gone with the Wind in its first three days. Not since the moon landing have this many people watched something the moment it airs. It's also like they use the same number all the time. It's like 40 million people. Yeah.

They have multiple tweets where it's like 40 million people watch this. Which is not suspicious at all. Not suspicious at all. Just pull that one right out of your pocket. I will say, I remember sitting through Welcome to Marwen when I was welcomed to Marwen. You don't sit through Welcome to Marwen.

You experience it. You live in Welcome to Marwen. Okay. You live in Marwen. Exactly. You move in. When I went for a stay in Marwen,

okay, when I was welcomed from Marwen and settled down, I, like, halfway through was like,

why do I like movies? And it wasn't one of those things where, like, I disliked Marwen so much that it made me question movies? And it wasn't one of those things where like I disliked Marwyn so much that it made me question the art form. It was one of those things where I genuinely went like wait so what is it I use to decide whether or not a movie is good? Like what metrics matter? And watching his performance in this I also go

like wait so like what is it I want out of an actor? Like it makes you question the entire art of acting. Well the thing about of acting. Well, the thing about this character. Yes. He's bad.

The character's not incredibly well written. But the character, right. It's just sort of like, what's the, tell me one thing about this character.

He's sad that his grandpa died. I feel for him. Grandpas do die. Grandpas die. Especially when they're in their 80s and their eyes get sucked out of their heads.

And look, good in for a movie good hook what if a grandpa died and then it's like this one of my favorite things about this movie is like what you don't know is that you are peculiar oh awesome what's my power you can see those monsters that we've seen already like the most horrible power it's like you can see the most fucked up thing we can't see. So you can kind of point them out. There's one over there. You can just be perpetually terrified.

Yeah. Do I have any other powers? No. No, but you go like this movie, like first 10 minutes, it tries to lock you into two things. One, the classic Tim Burton. Here's a California boy who's not bright and sunny like the rest of them. It's actually Florida here, but yes.

Right. Okay. A sunshine boy, let's say. Sure. Sunshine boy. Here's a pale boy in a sunshine state. A pale suburban child. Right.

Here's a pale boy in a sunshine state. He doesn't fit in. Yeah. Two is this boy really was close to his grandfather. Yeah. Right? The most upper end I should be like his grandfather was the most important person in the world to him. It's fishy, too.

It's like, yeah, this grandpa who would tell these tall tales, and they're very close, and now he's getting older, and maybe he's realizing, like, was my grandpa full of shit? And Chris Haddad's like, son, let me tell you about Nazis. They'll fuck a man up, okay? Look, he might have been a great grandpa, but he wasn't a great father. I thought that line reading was so moving that I just burst into tears. I'm realizing his American accent is a little Mandarin.

You may say I'm a terrorist. Fortune cookies. Fortune cookies. No, but, you know, it's like... Wait, you think Chris Hedda thought that Terrence Stamp was like fortune cookies? He was hollow and full of lies? Hollow gassed. I don't know.

I don't know what to say about this movie. Well, here's the important thing. All right. Stavansky, guest of honor. Yep. I exclusively and repeatedly call you guest of honor for this episode. Friend of the show. You put your bid in for this episode because you have read the book.

I read the book. And it did. By one Ransom Riggs. Ransom Riggs. That's a made up name. No, the notion of this book is. What's his real name? I take it back. That's his name. He's from Florida. Maybe this is autobiographical. Well, I think, right. My understanding of the book is

he found a lot of weird photos that were sort of like kind of unidentified. Dianne Arbusy kind of photos of odd looking people. Right. He would like go to like flea markets and stuff and just get them. And acquire photos and they're like, you know, photos that have like no accreditation, no backstory.

Sure, sure. And he tried to write a book around these photos. Yeah. Which is a pretty cool idea and be like, I'm going to create a universe in which all these photos make sense. You understand how for a publisher they'd be like, I'm going to create a universe in which all these photos make sense. You understand how for a publisher they'd be like, that sounds fucking cool. We need a YA book for like sad, lonely goth kids, you know? In the same way that like, you know, I feel like Series of Unfortunate Events at the time was sort of like the loner equivalent to Harry Potter.

You're a little more twisted. You need some Snicket. This is the loner divergent. And so you go like obviously the guy to hire is Tim Burton. And in 2002 when they're trying to make a Lemony Snicket movie and they hire

it to Tim Burton, he goes like a little on the nose, I don't think I should do it. You know? Sure. It's like two in my wheelhouse where I don't know if I could bring anything to it. Yeah. And then this movie, he was like, yeah, I'll do it.

I have some free time. What changed? I don't know. But then you, I watched this movie. I mean, a friend of the show, past and future guest, Alex Ross Perry. He told me he was like, when I told him we were doing Tim Burton, he was like,

I just found out the other day that he directed that Peregrine movie. And I was like, yeah, you couldn't tell from the trailer? And he was like, I remember seeing... I figured someone was ripping him off. Right. I remember saying like, which USC graduate... Exactly, right. ...made a really good Tim Burton-inspired short film and got to direct this movie at 27?

I definitely was thinking while I was watching it, like, this is the least Burton-y movie that I've seen of his that he has directed. And even though it's got stop-motion creatures and little twins who are in sacks. But you feel like if a Burton acolyte or someone who grew up idolizing Burton got to make this movie,

it would at least have the energy of someone being like, I have to prove I can make a movie. It would at least have energy. And that's like, I have to prove I can make a movie. It would at least have energy. And that's the main thing. This film is so lacking in energy. So lacking. I don't want to put all of it on Butterfield's feet, but it doesn't help.

I definitely went to the bathroom in the middle of it and was like, what if I just don't come out of the bathroom? I'll tell you. What if I never? Do you want to know what hell is? I had one of my regular bouts of insomnia last night and was watching this movie and was like, at least it will put me to sleep. You keep saying this, but I don't.

And I couldn't. Maybe it was too. I was so bored and don't wake. I've seen this movie already. I saw it. I'm going to kill it. Yeah. And I put it on and it put me to sleep.

Like I made it halfway through and then I was like, I've got to go to bed. And I watched the rest of the morning. Because it's boring. That's my review. Ben Hosley. We were talking to him. Ben Hosley texts us. Well, I didn't want to watch this movie.

He texts us being like, can I skip this one, guys? Do I have permission to skip? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we were like, yes. I mean, to be clear, neither of us were like pushing back on that. And we're, I mean, this is being, neither of us were like pushing back on that. And we're, I mean, this is being released in an opposite order.

We're recording a couple episodes this week. Tomorrow we're recording Alice in Wonderland. And we were like, if you're going to pick one, pick Alice in Wonderland because at least it's like an engrossing disaster. It'll rev you up. There's stuff in there. There's stuff in there.

Anne Hathaway is weird in it. Right. There are better elements than there are in this film. And there are worse elements. Jesus Christ. Yeah. But then I was like, but you are a peculiar child. I was a strange child.

You were saying you used to hang out at graveyards. What was the other thing? I'm going to find it. What's your super power? That was the thing I didn't know. We'll get the super power question, but I just, before he ruins this, Ben Hosley said when I was in high school, I added a Z to my name. Where do you think that Z would be?

Knowing Ben Hosley as a name, H-O-S-L-E-Y, where do you think he would have placed that Z? Oh, obviously it's Zen Hosley. It's Ben's Hosley. I do like Zen Hosley. Here's what was going to happen. I was trying to overly telegraph that the obvious choice would be replace the S. I knew by doing that, you would

go for the more creative next level thing, which is Zen Hosley. Instead, he became Mercedes Ben's Hosley. Now, I didn't like cars. My parents refer to this as my Z phase. They call it the Z phase. Your Z period. I just, for whatever reason, like my teachers, I remember my teachers being concerned because

I would be like, you have to call me Benz. And they're like, what? No. Right. Fair answer. I'm going to, bees are going to come out of my mouth. But yeah, and I was also obsessed with death because my parents annually we would drive to florida and they would always put on mystery um like uh books on tapes i mean this movie is

so in ben's wheelhouse i got so obsessed every time i saw a cemetery in like third grade we gotta stop jesus and you're the only kid too So you have some power I do It's not like the other kid Could be like no And then you sort of Like a three to one situation Nope

I was like Spanish moss Creepy old gravestones Hell yeah We're stopping baby Well here's the thing Pull over You go this movie You know my name

It's Ben's I genuinely believe It's not your name This movie automatically Becomes a gentleman's six If you have some take on the lead character and hire a more compelling actor.

Like Ben? If you go like, okay, the key is, it's Ben. He's like kind of a scumbum. He's like a bad kid. Sure, right. And he's got that rebel energy.

Right, whereas this is more like he's like, well, I'm a little different. Right. Oh, how are you different? I don't know. You don't like me at school. Here's another thing.

What if the kid's funny? What if the kid's got a wry energy? What if he's still a loner, but he's sort of sarcastic? What if he's real quiet? Doesn't talk too much. Delivers everything with the same affectation. Yeah. What about that?

I miss my grandfather so much. Are we on to something? I hate that he died. Dad, we have to go to the English countryside immediately. I need to see if the school is there. My therapist says I need to go to Wales. The billing of this movie, I'm sorry, Jani is

fourth bill. It's incredible. Pre-Oscar she's fourth bill. Yeah. She's a name. I'm not going to deny Jani or Mike. But that's one of those things where it kind of distorts the movie because when Jani is fourth billed and she's out of the movie in the first 15 minutes, you go, there has to be something else to her character.

When I saw her and when I saw the fact- Well, it is. She's the weird fake. No, that's not- Yeah, sure. Turns out she was playing it like Samuel L. Jackson.

Yeah. Yeah, that was- Wait, what were you going to say? You have to go to therapy. Go to that countryside. Yes, Terrence Stampt deserved to die. Yeah.

And I hope he burns in hell. His eyes work tasty. When I did see that she was fourth billed in the movie, I thought, I forgot that Samuel L. Jackson was in it. Yikes. But I had just read the book and I knew that the therapist was also like the evil character. And I was like, what if it's Janney?

What if it's literally just that there's just an evil Janney? Dark Janney, like mean Janney. and i was really excited for like two seconds and i remembered that sam jack jackson is in it which usually would excite me but then right now by that point i was like oh boy i don't know if this is gonna be good it's interesting too that sam jackson's in a movie directed by tim burton the his hated enemy who directed mart Landau to an Oscar. Yes, very interesting. Right? Do you think they talked about it? And this is the movie where Burton comes under fire from the press where it's like the whole movie is like a pasty white countryside children.

These children might be peculiar. I'll tell you something else about them. Look, I cast a black actor. And people were like, he eats eyes. As the eye-eating villain who's like, hello. Right. May I dine upon your tasty eyes? Like, that eats eyes. As the eye-eating villain who's like, Hello! Right. May I dine upon your tasty eyes? Like, that's his bit.

And Sam Jack is always kind of a hand-waver, where he's just like, Why are people getting upset? It's fun. I want to play an eye-eater. I do a movie. Whatever. Right.

Right. He's like, I do two movies a week. I thought it was fun. They sent me the script. I said, I've never eaten an eye on screen. He is one of those guys.

He eats, like, a lot of eyes. He slurps one up like spaghetti. And you go, It's gross. He's having some fun in this. Eva Green's having some fun for her 15 minutes. She's having a little fun. And I think Ella Purnell's kind of good. No. I kind of

like her in this. I like her. I like her hair. Stefanski. Her name is Emma. Thank you. Automatically, I have to. No, it's Emma. Her real name. The character's name. Her name.

Her name. Actually, speaking of my name, I actually added a Z to my name, too, when I was younger. Oh. That's right. Enza, right? Enza? Enza. My friend, like, called me that.

And then they just stuck. Kindred spirits. Yeah. Yeah. Now, did you have the teachers call you by that name or was it just like amongst friends kind of thing? Some did, like, especially in high school because I had it as my name on Facebook

and like, I guess teachers could see that. And it got to the point where like in college, I changed my Facebook name to my real name and all of my friends flipped because it had been my fake name for so long. I got a lot of comments like, oh, wow.

End of an era. Just like very dramatic. You know, there are a bunch of those, like, like Darcy Carden is just someone who like when she was 12 added a like apostrophe into her name to seem more mysterious. And now it's like her acting.

She's like, no, my name is just Darcy. I just, when I was 12, wanted to seem more interesting. Darcy. I think Willem Dafoe is the same thing. I think he just I was 12, wanted to seem more interesting. Darcy? Right, Darcy.

I think Willem Dafoe's the same thing. I think he just thought at some point it'd be more interesting if it was spelled that way. Yeah, his name's William. Right, his name is William Dafoe. Yeah, I didn't know that. Yeah. Come on, Willem. There are a bunch of guys like that where it's just like, yeah, when I was like 12,

I thought it was funny to spell it this way. And now I'm an Academy Award nominated actor. Oops. One of eight children. Dafoe? Yeah. His brother is Donald Dafoe. Don Dafoe?

Yeah. Well, this movie is clearly a lot of fun. We like talking about it. We're revved up about Peregrine. No, the billing. Eva Green, number one. Okay. But she's not in a lot of the movie.

She's not in a lot of the movie. I guess Asa Butterfield should be number one, but he's number two. And I remember seeing this for the first time when she finally enters 30 Minutes in. I was like, okay, finally, she's going to be the character with energy. Right. She's doing like fun, full Burton stuff. And 15 minutes later, she's like, I'll see you guys in about an hour and a half. For one second.

Yeah. She's not in the end of the movie. No. She literally appears silently just so that it's like, yeah, she's not dead. Yeah. You know. I just remember being like, like yeah she's not dead yeah you know i just remember being like oh that's kind of interesting that like there's a hundred million dollar tim burton movie where it's just eva green above the title right she must really bring it in

this movie and it must be really her i mean she really brought a crossbow she did it's kind of cool yeah like all the posters were like she's got a crossbow. All the crossbow stuff. Anytime there's a crossbow on screen, it's good. That's what I'll say. Because I like some parts of this movie. The sequence especially. There are a couple moments. Where they're at the amusement park on the pier.

I don't like that at all. I really like that part. See, I like that. That's my favorite part of the movie. That's my favorite chunk. That was when my eyes really just glazed over. You mean in the Blackpool stuff? That's when I'm dead. I hate that stuff.

When the EDM music is playing and they're throwing stuff at the monster. They're pointing at each other. Ben and I are pointing at each other and smiling. I like some of the school stuff. Like some of the, you know, when Eve is there. You know, that's fine. And it's more colorful. It's colorful.

There is a lack of urgency to this entire film. There's a very big carrot. I love the big carrot. This carrot ain't your granddaddy's carrot. I'm just like, these kind of movies where they go like, there is a lack of urgency to this entire film there's a big carrot I love the big carrot this carrot ain't your granddaddy's carrot I'm just like these kind of movies where they go like

here's a world you never knew existed let me introduce you to the rogues gallery of characters usually it's like that's the fun peppy part and you're like

it takes 25 minutes to get through the introductions to the kids it does and also I'm like which one is this again like immediately afterwards let's slowly walk up

these stairs there's a bunch of little white children like i don't remember if like is she head child or is she strong child or is she plant child i don't remember there's jan spankmeyer who makes his stop motion like meat and doll part puppets and then and i know every y book has this but like the character is like i'm the mean one i don't like you right it's like why don't you like him i don't know maybe it'll be explained later but i'm just a problem i don't like the way you fold your socks right and he has the most fucking convoluted power where he's like oh yeah let me use my power let me just reach into my bag of hearts yeah i like his power i mean for me it's like i want more like convoluted. That is quite a peculiar power.

Sure. You know? Peculiar. Wait, Ben, did you watch the movie or not? That's my question. When did you turn it off? Well, it sounds like you did because if you got to Blackpool. I watched the whole movie.

So it sort of hooked you in enough. It got me far along enough where I was ready to give up. But then I think. It was kind of like, well, we'll see how it goes. along enough where I was ready to give up. But then I think... It was kind of like, well, we'll see how it goes. There was enough action with the creature showing up that I was like,

alright, whatever. I'll just stick it out. I also feel like I was a lot more forgiving my first time because you're watching it the whole time going like, maybe the next scene it's going to start getting good. When you watch it the second time and know it never really pops, it's just like a slog together. Well, for me watching the second time, I was like,

Judi Dench is in this? I was just like, I forgot whole set. For like two minutes? Yeah. Outrageous. I think when they go on the boat and there's the bones, I'm like, fuck, I love bones. All right, I'm in. There are some bones.

Little visual ideas. There's some good stuff in there. The boat thing bugs me because she's like, all right, I'll tell you my secret. But first we have to go to this location. Okay.

They get in a fucking boat. They go in the boat. Then they sink down in the water. Sink down in the water. Then she's got to blow air into the fucking boat. And I'm like, it takes her this long?

You have to see the boat. I don't care what you have to say. It's Chekhov's boat. Because that's to, you know. Yeah. They're going to bring it back. Chekhov's boat.

You leave a boat at the bottom of the ocean. It has to pay off in Act 2. Right. That's the Chekhov's boat rule. Emma, you're a pretty voracious reader in general. I try to read. I read a lot. Do you read?

Hey, say what you want. Emma reads. This girl is literate as hell. I like books. Wow, is that your catcher? I like books. Emma's is that your catcher? I like books. Emma's dancing around the studio.

She's literally flexing. It's her peculiarity. Stacks of books in my arms. Oh my God, look, she's cut. She's book lifting like 200 pounds right now. Dead book lifting. That's her peculiarity. She can lift anything as long as it's books. Only books.

Wow, you have the same energy as everyone in this movie. She's doing the Dougie. For books. She's lighting the offices on fire. All with her book power. All with her book power. I'm like the B-boy, but it's books that live inside my stomach. Every time I open my mouth, they just come out.

Put on your net, Emma. Emma just coughed up a paperback. Do you read a lot of YA in general? I've gotten kind of back into it because I have a friend who writes it now and she's published a couple books that are fun. So I try to support my friend. Tell me how you get to this book.

How did I get to this book? Yeah, because I hadn't heard of it before they announced that Tim Burton was making it, at which point I went, this sounds like good material for him. I know it's successful, but it wasn't like cultural phenomenon. It was a bestseller. It was a New York Times bestseller. I used to actually not

do it at all, because I was one of those kids who was like, I'm not going to read books that are popular. It's lame. So I started reading a lot of weird stuff. But then a few years ago, I was just like, I'm done being that child. We do the books office game.

Quiz Stefanski on the New York Times. The New York Times bestseller list? I'm not going to do well with that. Maybe pull it up. Maybe we'll get that later. Okay. So you. I have no idea how to pull that up, but I'll try.

How much do you like this book when you read it? Not very much. Okay. So it's not even like your jam. No. When it a shot yeah you didn't read the sequels no they're of which there are currently three other books yeah it's four total when you hear that he is making a movie of it is your thought like why or is it maybe he'll be able to do something with that premise i was interested in seeing it when i saw the trailer. Because the trailer is pretty cool. The trailer is pretty cool. And then a lot of...

I found it at number one. Isn't it like a Mama Cass cover? And it's like just big on the visuals. The trailer has like a cover of a Mama Cass song or something. I'll summon the trailer. Yeah. It was a good trailer. Yeah, it was good.

And it's got a lot of Eva Green in it. And I like her because I like her in a lot of her movies. Pretty and charismatic. It's just never doesn't play a witch. That's the only problem. Right, but this you're like, she's one of the few actors who seems like they're having fun. Yeah. Like she is on the right tonal wavelength for this movie.

And she's good in like the list, you know, scene where she just lists things. You're like, oh, this is starting to get a little momentum because this actress is at least bringing her own, like, rhythm to the thing, whereas everyone else it's like, it feels like a movie where he edited it in a way to leave as many pauses in between lines

as possible. It's weird. It's a lot of, like, children being dramatic, too. Sometimes it's good and sometimes it's really not good. The cover's good. I mean, it's a creepy, right? It's another one that's creepy. The trailer is all the boat stuff. Yeah.

The imagery's kind of cool though. You see her like rise up to the tree with the rope around. I like that stuff. She's a floaty gal. She's floating. She airs her peculiarity. The lock boots.

In the book, actually, it's the other girl who's like the main girl. It's different, right? The fire girl is the other girl who's like the main girl. It's different, right? The fire girl is the main girl. And then the air girl is like younger. She's just like not even a character. She's just one of the menagerie.

Do they just think fire was hack? Were they sick of fire? I think they just wanted, I don't know. Because like his love interest is fire girl. Right? And in this, they sort of set it up as like. Maybe there's no love interest. That it's almost supposed to be a love triangle because Enoch seems to get jealous of how much Fire Girl is taken by Butterfield.

Yeah. But then it doesn't really... Well, but then they sort of like pair up at the end when he's like, oh, I can't believe you're dead now. And she's like frozen. Right. And then he has that speech. Right. The movie is like this sort of sub-emotional, quote unquotequote emotional arc of Enoch learning to tell Fire Girl about his feelings.

Sure, well, you know, it keeps his heart locked away in a box. I don't fucking know. Right. It's a metaphor. You gotta keep your heart in a box, to be fair. It's only a safe thing to do. I have the first week that it's number one, which was its 45th week. Yeah.

It's kind of impressive. The book? Yeah. Yeah, that's what's cool. The book? Yeah. Yeah. That's what's cool about books too is they still can like grow like that. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah.

One, two, three other books here have become movies. Okay. Which ones? Well, let's see if you can guess. Oh no, I don't want to do this. What's on this game?

One of them is very popular. Probably one of the most popular books for young people in the last 10 years. What year is well we're talking 2012 this book is pretty new at that point time the hunger games no no no think um soapy or sad or urgent no no no no forget no sci-fi real life real life turned into a movie big hit movie so it's not a franchise right no i think i know what it is there's no franchise here no no no is it ya these are all way a soapy But it's not a franchise, right? No. I think I know what it is. There's no franchise here. No, no, no. Is it YA? Mm-hmm. These are all YA. Asobi YA. It's a one and done.

This is not... I can't even think of it. It's a sad book. It makes you cry. Oh, The Fallen Star. Yeah. Which, as far as I know... I didn't read that. So how much has it made so far? I don't know. It's only 14 weeks. It's new. It's newer. Fresh? And then we've got a book that's been on the list for 109 weeks.

I'm not doing the other ones. I'm just doing the ones that were turned into movies. That was turned into a movie that stars someone we've been talking about. Samuel L. Jackson? Think younger. Ace of Base of Butterfield? Ace of Base. Is it Hugo?

Hugo. The Invention of Hugo Cabret Ace of Base. Is it Hugo? Hugo. The Invention of Hugo Cabret. The bump post movie bump? Yeah, maybe that's what it is. That must have been. Right, right. And then, another one that's brand new. Four weeks on the list.

Got turned into a movie much later. A couple years ago. Autobiography of Malcolm X? This is children's books. Oh, Junior Aut autobiography of malcolm x this is children's books um junior autobiography of malcolm x as told to big bird yes um no uh like a inspirational sort of book about you know it's be yourself it's tough it's a real life story? No, I don't think so. But it kind of has the vibe of a real life story. Is it genre-y at all? No.

No, no, no. No, no. Hard no? No. And it stars a young actor. Ace of Base of Butterfield? Not him. I think younger.

A little more charming. Oh. Perhaps grating. Oh. Who is it? Your man. My man? Jacob Tremblay?

Is he my man? Yeah. Okay. You once called him Your man. My man? Jacob Tremblay? Is he my man? Yeah. Okay. You once called him my man. Sure. Okay. It's wonder. It's wonder.

I was going to say the book of Henry, but it's not a book, is it? Well, it should be published. I mean, it is a book. For any kid who wants to assassinate a local police chief. I wish they had done that. Like, the book of Henry had more like muscle behind it and they had released it as like a tie-in book

where it's like now you can read Henry's book like go to Barnes and Noble and read a murder diary that would be good and it has little like envelopes where you can

pull things out yeah yeah it has all of the interactive elements and it like tells you how to buy a gun illegally and all that stuff like we talked about

in the Aquaman episode there's a book that's like My Journal by Arthur Curry age 13 it's like being the Aquaman episode that there's a book that's like My Journal by Arthur Curry, age 13. It's like being an Aquaman is tough. This guy, Willem Dafoe, who I think his real name is William, just keeps coming to the beach and teaches me how to spin a trident.

But like once a year and only one lesson. And then I asked him about my mom and he's like, we'll talk about it later. I gotta go. See you in a year. Shockbait. Let's just review Aqu'll talk about it later. I gotta go. See you in a year. Shock bait. Let's just review Aquaman. Shock bait.

Now, the Miss Peregrine, we gotta acknowledge that she runs a home for peculiar children. You gotta hand it to her. No, but okay. So you said the book is different. This is right. I wanted to conclude book talk. The book's pretty different. Okay.

So what do we got? I mean, apart from Fire Girl is more prominent. It spends a lot of time not in the home for peculiar children, which is the first thing that kind of turned me off. Sure. It's a lot of him looking for the home for peculiar children. It's a lot of him just being, he has like. Going back and forth.

Because in this movie, he finds it by yelling at a bird. Right. He sure does. He does. Oh, look. It's a bird. Maybe it miss peregrine hey don't poop on us i like come on dad i was joking when you tell by the change in my tone i'm sorry i just had to like that's the moment for me where i go like fuck this is gonna be a problem where he's trying to play not uh improving in one scene it's supposed to be sad sack, sullen.

Energetic. Right. He's supposed to go from being morose about his grandfather, a little excitement about maybe they're going to solve the mystery, making the joke about the bird, and then having to reassure his dad that he was only joking. And everything sounds like it's Maxpeak. Go on, Emma.

I do like when they first see the bird his dad is like it's a peregrine falcon he's like oh like Miss Peregrine like he's never heard of a peregrine falcon in his whole life before

it's only peregrine shouldn't have said anything I know what that is I read the My Side of the Mountain so is the book less sort of like propulsive

than well it sounds like it's very it's very like the My Side of the Mountain so is the book less sort of like propulsive than I use that word well it sounds like it's very YA world building it's very like YA origin-y

right where it's like let's explain everything about how this works here's some here's an inbreed and here's the history behind that and here's what

the hollows are and here's the connection and it's just a lot of that stuff sure is there a showdown in blackpool no they don't go there there's a showdown in a lighthouse the end is completely different so you think tim burton was just like can i be at a circus please can i have

a circus yeah right like excited me about this movie when it was announced when i was coming out was that jane goldman wrote Sure. And I think Goldman's really smart and we've talked about on this show like Tim Burton admittedly says like I don't really know how to tell a story.

I don't know the difference between a good script and a bad script. I know the types of things that interest me. So he works best when someone else is making sure

that the script is good and then they hand it off to him. Sure. And he had like gotten in a John August rut like he was working with August over and over again.

Did some Augusts, yeah. I was like maybe new writer will breathe some fresh life in him she seems like a good person to adapt this even if the book is kind of shapeless maybe she'll be able to find a narrative in it and he only signed on I think off of the script so I was like man this is like

the book's big but it's not such a big property that it's like built in he must really like the material and then you see it and you're like i don't know was anyone excited about this when they were making it probably not eva green eva green she's probably excited to wear like dark blue hair for a few scenes gets a vacation the walsh countryside what's that noise oh that that's a herd of cattle destroying our IT room.

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Actors talk about, like, the urgency and objective in scenes, you know? Like, what's my want? What's my motivation here? Did Asa Butterfield miss that? Maybe. Presentation. Like, I'm not one of those people who every scene I take out the

colored pencil and go, this line is based on this and that and that and I'm trying to tie it in. I try to be a little more intuitive about it, but every time I've watched a scene of something I'm in that I think is really bad, I go, well, I didn't figure out what I wanted here. It's not usually a didactic process for me, but

it's nonspecific. I didn't have something driving me right but you go like if someone had just kept in the backseat the whole time like my grandfather was the only person who i understood who understood me and this is driving everything i do and you felt that and i watched him die with no eyes that was traumatic right you wouldn't be ripped apart by a thing. Yeah. That's horrible. No good. If you had someone play that emotional honesty and urgency, I think this film automatically becomes a gentleman's six. It becomes a bit of a shrug, but you go like, yeah, but it's like, whatever. It's kind of nice world building, whatever.

The book is a lot like that, actually. And I think that's why the beginning takes so long is because you have this setup of this kid who is like, not only like, I mean, like in the movie, he's barely traumatized by all this because he's like, yeah, I gotta, you know, do all this other stuff. But that also feels like the performance-wise.

I mean, it's like, right, you're saying the book and the movie are laying out the emotional track. Yeah. Right, because there's that scene where also Janney's like, clearly you're like suffering

post-traumatic stress. You saw a terrible thing and he's like, I know, I just can't get over it. Yeah, there's no... Dad, we have to go to this house we have to my life depends on it chris o'dowd's also the first introduction of him is he's watching tv and he like flips over he's watching a horribly violent nature documentary with birds tearing

something apart and then as his child leaves the room he changes it to sports right but the motivation of his character is that he's like a bird watcher and he is really into birds. Right. Enough to go to Wales from Florida, which can't be

like the easiest trip. He can write his book about birds. And you talk about how- And then they show up and it's like, I'm going to take a picture of a bird.

And he's like, well, fuck it. I'm ruined. His camera's bigger than mine. This whole trip was for naught. But you also go, if this movie is set london the idea of them going to the countryside is less insane and also the actors can use accents closer to their own yeah but i think they're very they really want sam jackson

to have that florida line yes i mean i don't know what other reason there is but they wanted to be like florida and burton is probably keyed into the, like, oh, sadness, sunshine state kind of thing. But, um, I guess, yeah, because, like, Chris O'Dowd, it's like, okay, the best version of this character is Alan Arkin and Edward Scissorhands. Of course. It's like the oblivious dad who doesn't understand all the weird

stuff and just has his own interests. But he's done it in a way where you're like, is this guy, like, suicidally depressed? I have no beef with Chris O'Dowd. I like him a lot. I enjoy him in things. I'm a big fan. But is Chris O'Dowd sometimes bad?

Sometimes. Sometimes maybe. Most people are sometimes bad. I think he is. Would you say he works a lot? Chris O'Dowd? Yeah. Would you call him a guy who maybe like pops up in a lot of movies and you're like, hey, it's Chris O'Dowd.

down yeah would you call him a guy who maybe like pops up in a lot of movies and you're like hey it's chris o'dowd i feel like he's a guy where bridesmaids was so huge and there was maybe a clear track for what he could have done is he irish in bridesmaids yes yes so that's one where they were maybe that was like maybe he was even trying the accent and they were like you know what is exactly what just do your thing he says i worked really hard my american accent and they said it's fine do the thing that makes you the most comfortable and you can be the most funny and charming. And it's like, oh, he's charming. You're just an Irish cop. And he's so charming in that that I think people were like, oh, is he going to be like the lead of his own Apatow movie?

Is he going to be the love interest in every romantic comedy? Is he this or that? And he's talked a lot about trying to like play against the expectations of the type of roles that he was in line for. Right. And now he just does a lot of little stuff. A lot of little stuff a lot of little stuff he's in like get shorty get shorty right playing the travolta it's a crackle original uh yes it's a no no it's epics epics i was literally like what is it it's epics it's epic

it is indeed uh he is indeed the travolta He's the gangster who's trying to enter the film industry. And Romano is the Hackman. Right. Now, to be fair, Gene Hackman is incredible in Get Shorty because you're like, Gene Hackman plays the nebbishy producer? Yes. And he totally nails it. Yeah.

So I guess you could just sort of think like, well, who knows? Yeah, we'll cast against type or something. I don't think that show's fine. No, you haven't. Yes, I have. No one's ever seen that show.

I know one person who's seen that show. Is it Ray Romano? They said my friend's on it. It's the character Bosch. Yes. Bosch. Yeah. What if these shows are only watched by fictional characters from other shows that don't exist?

It's like the cast of Animal Kingdom. Can't wait to watch. They have it on in the background of the scenes. Give me another. What was the show Nick Nolte was on graves graves you have no idea how hard i tried to get cast in i was like this is the role yes because i want i was like i could spend six months just following nick nolte around it's probably three right 47 episodes season that was nolte's one demand i'll only do it by doing the 1090 model anger management style three packages for syndication uh epics 20 episodes 20 episodes they got no i wanted to

do that show really you wanted the chris lowell role no i wanted the uh what's his name? The Nick Nolte role? Yes. Graves. I'm offering only for Graves. Is that the name of Dr. Graves? No, who'd you want? Skylar Astin. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Skylar Astin. He plays the assistant.

No, you're kidding. No. I reviewed Graves, I think. So you watched Graves? I watched whatever they gave me. I think it was two to three episodes. Okay. Look, I wrote a whole review of this show I don't remember.

Wow. The easy political escapism of Graves. I'm nailing it. Because he's like a Republican. That's the joke. Right. He's like, the Republican Party is bad. I now realize this.

Yeah. He's having like a late in life sort of reawakening. Yes. It was about Trump. Before Trump. It came right as Trump was happening. Yeah. Here's a really tough question.

How do we talk about this movie? All right. Here we go. Terrence Stamp. He's been telling these stories He's very peculiar Then he dies He gets ripped into a thousand pieces

His eyeballs get eaten Yeah It's an ignominious end for Stampy The police don't give a shit Yeah the police are like I don't know He lost his eyes Whatever

Yeah another eye loss Old people die That's what they do Sometimes their eyeballs Fall clean out of their socket With no blood Sometimes dogs are mad And they bite eyes out

Right Yeah right That's what they're... And so Jake. Jake. The Asa Butterfield character. Inconsolable. Deep in therapy. He looks upset. Very upset. Decides to go to the Welsh

countryside with his dad. Because he studied all of his grandfather's papers and he keeps on referencing a home. Right. And also his grandpa says something like you have to Because he studied all of his grandfather's papers and he keeps on referencing a home. Right. And also his grandpa says something like you have to find the loop. Find the loop. Find the loop.

Yeah. The standing stones. In the book, it's a little bit different. I hate to be the in the book person. But like. That's. It is different. You're bringing book expertise. His thing is like a lot more cryptic, which I thought was kind of funny in the movie.

How he sort of like, it makes a little bit more sense. Sure. In the book, it's like, find the funny in the movie and how he sort of like, it makes a little bit more sense. Sure. In the book, it's like, find the bird in the loop or like something. From just a person who has no idea. He's basically like, so you're going to go to Cardiff and then you're going to get on the A395. So here's a map that I'm going to draw you real quick, even though I can't

see anything. Here's a DVD of Looper, the movie. Here's a jeweler's loop. You look through it to find the loop. Here's a DVD of Looper the movie. Here's a jeweler's loop. You look through it to find the loop. I mean that's like another element of this movie that's like oh that's kind of fun in theory that it's like a Brigadoon

world that they're like stuck in a day. Well that's the thing. Okay he gets on a boat. He shouts at a peregrine. And then there's a day of antics. Day of antics. Day of antics in Wales with two Welsh rappers. Bunch of dead sheep. A pub where they're mean.

It's kind of gray and grim. A blind man tells him that all the kids died in the house in a bombing. I guess no one was here. I guess we should leave. World War II. This movie also invokes the Nazis a lot in a weird way. Your grandfather was peculiar, I guess we should leave. World War II. This movie also invokes the Nazis a lot in a weird way. Sure. He's like, your grandfather was peculiar.

Well, I think the book is kind of about that. You know, Jewish. He was what the Polish considered peculiar. You know, his kind did have to live in a house, a weird house. You know, someone's basement. But no, isn't that, the book hits this harder, I think. It does. The movie is sort of like,

there's a lot of holocausts. That's the explanation for why Terry Stamp is so weird, is that, well, he's a holocaust survivor. He's a coping mechanism. He's tales of monsters, and right, you know, it's really just, you know.

It's an allegory. He was dealing with a certain kind of monster. Maybe to him, they seemed like they ate eyeballs. So, the, he gets taken through a portal in a cave, obviously. kind of monster. Maybe to him they seemed like they ate eyeballs. So the he gets taken through a portal in the cave, obviously. He finds him immediately.

I mean, it could just as easily be a mistake that he stumbles upon them. And she's literally like, oh yeah, Miss Peregrine heard you yelling at her, so here we go. And they're all surprised. They weren't looking for him. It's not like finally we've been waiting for you to show up. She's like, he must be dead. Because if he was alive, he, we've been waiting for you to show up. She's like, he must be dead. Because if he was alive, he would have warned me that you were coming.

Exactly. We've heard so much about you. What he doesn't tell her, which maybe he could have, is his eyes were eaten out of his skull. Any insight on that? Because that remains the most mysterious aspect of the death. What he does tell her is... This is pretty normal. I don't know.

What he does tell her is, wow, this place is incredible. Yeah, what he does tell her is like, do you guys have like a bathroom? I've never seen so many peculiar children. I can't believe it. It only seemed like two or three at a time,

not like 20. Yeah. You have two sack boys? The sack twins. Now, the sack twins are not in the book, correct? No, I don't think so. I think there are little twins,

but I don't think they do what the sack boys do. I was looking... Does the book have photos in it? It does, yeah think so I think there are little twins but I don't think they do what the sack boys do does the book have photos in it? it does yeah can I do a little leafing through the photos are the

coolest part of the book I know it was inspired by photos oh but there are a lot of okay it's fun

they break up the action you know yeah I mean I would have god this show would have

been my jam I thought the design of some of the peculiar children was kind of interesting I mean the fact that God this so would have been my jam I thought the design of some of the peculiar children was kind of interesting I mean the fact that they're all just white people Oh there you are

So they're not really characters but the imagery They have like some of the photos I think They don't have anything to them other than their thing Yeah

It seems like The dog body The dog body You see how someone brings in these photos and goes but Tim Burton's doing it Yeah

And you're like sure sure, $100 million. But that's the thing where I'm like, in 2002, I'm like, sure, $100 million. In 2016, I'm like, is Tim thinking about doing anything else? But I guess we should acknowledge this is post Big Eyes. So maybe it's his classic thing of like, well, I tried to do something else and they didn't like it. So I guess I'll do Tim Burton bullshit. I'll do Tim Burton X-Men. Right. That's what it feels like.

Who's your favorite look Ben? You were saying you like the looks. My favorite is the girl with the mouth behind her head. She's great. I love her. And I thought that was such a cool design but there's literally nothing to the character. She has nothing to do. She can eat a turkey leg. Well one thought I had is what if the mouth behind her is like another personality that's like a venom or something.

You know, like, I would be funny. That would be a funny dynamic. Cute girl and like weird, dark, deep voice. The whole dynamic is just she doesn't want people to see her. Weird head mouth. Back mouth. Yeah, right. I think it is called a back mouth in the book.

There's like a term for it. Gosh, she's got a back mouth. right I think it is called a back mouth in the book there's like a term for it gosh he's got a back mouth there's a this guy got a back mouth he does

it's just like such a brutal mix of like this film has no urgency and they hired an actor who was like can we slow things

down a little bit who have we got we've got come on that big carrot girl we have she can make things plants big

lung lady lungs air air girl fire girl she seems to be constantly in a like a like

she's just consciously floating up well she's I don't understand it's weird that like she's like I can control air but then like if she doesn't wear the shoes

she'll float away forever yeah that seems weird to me she has to wear the shoes she'll float away forever that seems weird to me she has a column of air at all times she has to wear the iron boots from Ocarina of Time okay

fire girl that's a good poll I agree thank you for that David you have the dream projector boy who much like Ben is into fashion

another one where I'm like immaculate well when he's introduced I'm like he also looks like a little person I'm like stop stop too many no I want to know more about this kid what theulate well when he's introduced I'm like stop stop too many

no I want to know more about this kid what the fuck well because it's like there's mouth girl and it's like well she eats turkey legs with her mouth

okay what's this kid oh he can see the future and project it I don't let's check in with him more often sure

you know because Ava Green is like it takes her a fucking week to be like wait you said some his eyes were taken out? Oh, that's actually a thing with us.

You should have maybe brought that up. This movie feels like it's on Ambien where it literally, the movie itself has delayed reaction times. Where it's like, wait a second, wait a second. What was the thing you were saying about your dad? Well, remember like four scenes ago when we didn't follow up on that line of dialogue? Because Peregrine's whole vibe is like, it's chill here. Very chill. Remember like four scenes ago when we didn't follow up on that line of dialogue? This movie. Because Peregrine's whole vibe is like, it's chill here. Very chill. We're real calm.

To a fault. We have dinner. We go on a walk. And then before the bomb drops on us, we all put on our gas masks and turn back time. We're stuck in a nightly nightmare. Yeah, right. We're perpetually stuck in the rise of the Nazis and a bombing. But we don't worry about it. And when some kids are like, hey, I'm stressed out.

I'm eternally 13 and this is scary. Yeah. She's like, you know, why are you talking so loud at dinner when we're trying to eat our big carrot? Right. Somehow this house is like the goth Margaritaville where everyone's like, just chill out. Lay back. Eat a turkey leg. We're in no rush

oh wait you have to go catch a bird go do that and then you can come back and sit around and mellow out man so there's the twins is there anyone else that I'm forgetting? There's the plant girl from Sky High there's the strong girl she's small but strong. Oh yeah she's strong Bronwyn she's a bigger character in the book too

she does more stuff. Pixie Davis whatchamacallit there's a naked invisible boy a really weird running gag which is that he's constantly naked and we're like put on some fucking clothes his dick just rubbed up against me my problem is not that he's naked when he sits on the couch

I'm like put a towel down there's a part where he's like bouncing on the couch like that's a naked boy bouncing on a couch that's weird but this is the where he's like bouncing on the couch. Like that's a naked boy bouncing on a couch. That's weird. But this is the thing. It's like the movie occasionally will have a note like that where you're like, this is a little weird. Like this is a little R-rated for like the eyes especially.

Yeah. I don't know how many PG-13 movies have people eating eyes. Not many. That would have scared the Jesus out of me. If I'm eight years old and I'm seeing this, I'm like, excuse me to like a pile of eyes. Right. Like that. That feels like some like return to Oz shit.

Right. Right. There's something else too, where I was like, how did they sneak this by? I can't remember what it is though. We've got to keep talking. What is the official?

The hollow gas? Well, they're fucked up. The Slenderman looking. Great. Where does Rupert Everett? Butterfield, O'Dowd,

Janney, Everett, fifth bill yes as the second alias of samuel jackson right who has no proper name no it doesn't do anything i mean whatever uh stamp and then pernell uh-huh then i think it's with judy dench and samuel jackson yeah so there nothing happens for a while. For a long while. I guess there's the revelation that there's a dead boy upstairs. Yeah. There's the bird who comes

and then they're like, we should give the bird to Miss Peregrine and then go because the scene's over. Right. He's like dead. Right.

She's sort of like feeding the bird sugar water or something. I guess the idea is the dad loves birds so much that he's happy to stay here. And he believes that his son is just hanging out with other kids his own age in the right time period. And maybe killing sheep. So he keeps on like extending the trip, which is just like this feels like a big trip to like chunk out of their lives.

He also, though, doesn't work. And he's an alcoholic. Right. And the movie doesn't put judgment on that or really do anything about that. They're just kind of showing you. Right, Kim Dickens is the mom, and they can very clearly say, like, oh, I can't leave my job. You have to go take him. Just two, three lines.

If I were Kim Dickens sending Chris O'Dowd and Asa Butterfield off to a Welsh countryside, I'd be like, you cannot murder-suicide each other. Right. Because both of you seem to hate being alive. You have no will to live. Yeah, sort of like Wide Awake. Dennis Leary. Who trudges around that movie. Like, he's basically like, where did I put the gun that I was going to shoot myself with?

Like, you know, he's like checking drawers. Like, is it here? You need to catch Spider-Man. And then, eventually, we get an explanation on what hollow ghasts are. Sure. And who killed Terrence Stamp. After she's like, I don't want to talk about it.

He's asking a bunch of questions. The rules of my house are... My quota has been filled for the day. She's a little too chill. But she is kind of Professor X-y. Because Professor X is kind of like that too. He doesn't really say much. He's a real control freak.

Yeah. And then what are Hologasts? Slenderman. Slenderman with spike arms. I guess that is the best way to put it. It's like the Cloverfield monsters. They're like sort of mid-sized Cloverfield monsters with a

Tim Burton wash. The book and the movie really is just like 1940s creepypasta. I mean, that's essentially how he wrote this book where he was like, I'm going to find like a state sale creepypasta and then publish it. I wonder who was the person who was like, hey, Tim, have you heard of the Slenderman?

The new trend sweeping the teens of today. Right. I want to make a Slenderman romantic comedy. When will Slenderman find his Slender Woman? Not to overpraise Johnny Depp, right? But in the early stages... Great Sartani sentence. Everyone out.

Not to over praise Johnny Depp. In the early part of his career, the reason why they worked so well together was that Johnny Depp was also so afraid of playing generic leading man roles. So that he would sort of play against the hump of, you know, especially something like Sleepy Hollow where you're like, on paper that character could be, like, really boring.

And he comes up with his own, like, energy and characterization for it. Fair. And he, Tim Burton, there are parts of his career where he worked with so many, like, actors who came out of, like, sketch comedy and things like that, you know? Where it's like, he wanted people who could make, like, creative acting choices. Like, unexpected acting choices.

Comedic actors, even for dramatic parts. And then in this, like unexpected acting choices, comedic actors, even for dramatic parts. And then in this, you're just like, why isn't anyone trying to be funny? Why isn't anyone trying to shade anything, put any dimensionality into it? You know?

I don't know. Cause Tim Burton's not a very connected director anymore and he wasn't engaged with this project. I mean, sorry, but it's just a paycheck project. project. I mean, sorry, but like... Is this just a paycheck project? Maybe. I mean, the buck stops there, right? It's like, sort of like, what are you doing, bro? I missed him so much money that's just like, I just feel like maybe he's just like, I don't know, I want to get out of the house for a couple days.

It feels that way. He's shot in London where he lives or lived. Right. I mean, you know, if you believe the reports around this time, he's dating Eva Green. Yeah. Right. Dark Shadows is the.

Carter have split up. Dark Shadows is the baton pass. Right. Is the rumor. Yeah. Eva. Jeez. You're sort of like, what are you doing, Eva?

Yeah. I mean, Tim Burton. I don't know. Maybe he draws you a holocaust. Like, will you be my Valentine? I don't know. Little hard eyes. The holocaust looks like some Tim Burton concept art. Yeah. That he draws you a holocaust. Like, will you be my valentine? I don't know. Little hard eyes. The holocaust looks like some Tim Burton concept art that he had in his notebook, right?

Sam Jackson certainly looks like Tim Burton concept art. I hate the concept of the holocaust because the concept is that they are peculiars. They're peculiars. But Sam Jackson wanted to do an experiment. What was the experiment? To live a long time. I guess. And it was one of those experiments where it's like,

this is either going to make us live a long time or we're going to turn into a 15-foot tall Slenderman with spiky teeth. Look, you go risk versus reward. And that's what happened. Isn't it better to know than to spend your whole life wondering miss peregrine's like but of course then he figured out if you eat eyes you turn back into a person except you have like white eyes yeah what kind of trial and error process were the monsters going through here where they were like is it the spleen which part nope

how many people were involved in the experiments? How many hologasts are there? I just don't like a world that doesn't make sense. You know I like rules. You love rules. And these are bad rules. Yeah. I don't fucking get it.

And if you were like, well, the movie's not that concerned with rules, but it's such a thrill ride. It's a tight 90 minutes. Sure. Full of visual inventiveness. A fun comic energy. You'd be like, fine. It is what it is. It is not what it is.

It's boring. Two hours and seven minutes. Yeah. It feels like five hours. It feels longer. Yes. Yeah, when I saw the running time,

I was like, Alexander Platt. Peregrine Alexander. Peregrine Alexander. Whatever. Yeah. When you saw the running time, I was like,

oh, it's only 127 minutes. I thought it was like Two hours and a half I remember it just dragging Yeah I mean I did watch it When I was wedged in a boulder So maybe that was part of

No one would enjoy a movie in that situation So He gets Found out He basically brings... Everett's been sort of tailing him. He brings the bad guys back to the house. But I mean, it's sort of not his fault

because he had been masquerading as Allison Janney. But it's also one of these movies where you go like, why is any of this happening now? Right. Like they have been so comfortably like living in this loop for decades. And of course, like every once in a while, someone loses a couple eyes. Right. But like

this movie like doesn't go like this is the final showdown. Like it has come to a head. You've arrived just in time. The war is about to begin. No. It's like if you want to stick around then maybe you'll be able to help us fight some of these things off. Sometimes they come. Samuel L. Jackson entering it literally is sort of like an annoying

house guest. Right. Because Ava literally is sort of like an annoying house guest. Right. Because Ava Green's sort of like, I see. Yeah. She keeps like talking over him and his expression is so strange. I couldn't figure out like what he was feeling. Yeah. Well, he has these white eyes too, which are kind of throwing you off.

I think he looks good. I think he looks pretty good. I think Sam is fun. He's having fun in this. I like his sharp teeth. Yeah, he's got a sharp teeth his blade hands um but he's sort of doing this thing where he's like really hung up on how like look i was gonna get terrence stamps address yeah there's this address out of him the old fashion way but my colleague ate him and you're like who cares and he's like i just want to be

clear i'm more of a finesse guy and then i have this monster around right that eats people he's doing the good cop got it again in a second scene he's doing the good cop i eating cop routine i like to just sit down a cup of coffee talk my partner here he might eat your eyeballs i'm gonna eat your eyeballs but later like i don't and then he keeps going dying you before i eat your eyeballs, but later? Like, I don't. And then he keeps going. I'll wine and dine you before I eat your eyeballs. He keeps going like, children, get over here. And Ava Green's like, absolutely not.

You'll never speak to my children that way. Children, get over here. That's like a whole extended bit. Yeah. Asa Butterfield's just sort of standing there. He's standing. But you hear all these stories. I mean, I don't want to just like keep on harping on it,

but it does come down to this thing of just, like, you know, different directors, I feel like, it's always interesting when, like, people ask the dumb sort of, like, mirror Rorschach test question directors, where it's like, what do you think is most important that a director does? Yeah. Because some directors will be like, it's all about performance. Some directors will be like, I hire actors to do what they want to do. I'm about creating the environment and the world or whatever, you know? The Coen brothers always say, like, it's just tone management. Directing is making sure

everything is syncing up on tone. But a lot of it, I think, is truly just energy. Like, you feel the energy of the filmmaker and the energy they're putting into the film when they're working on it and when you edit it together. And you hear all these stories where, like where directors say, the first time you watch your first assembly cut of any movie,

you think you're a fraud, it's a disaster, and you want to retire. Because it's filled with all this dead space or all these scenes you don't need. It's shapeless. It doesn't have any sort of pepper rhythm to it. And this movie feels like he watched the first cut and he was like, yeah, so we can print this.

Slap a score on it. We're done. And even like Elfman's kind of like apathetic to it. It's not Elfman. It's not? Who is it? Mike Higgum and Matthew Margus. They're Zimmer acolytes. From Cairnholm themselves.

Yeah. So they're only Yeah, right. They're two peculiar children actually. They're the twins. They're two peculiar children, actually. They're the twins. They open their mouths and the movie score comes out. It's Ed Wood because they got in a fight after Nightmare. He wanted to play Jack Skellington and they only let him do the songs

and Chris Sarandon, of course, was Oscar nominated for his turn best actor as Jack Skellington. So then they get in a fight and Howard Shore does the Edwards score, which is great. Why doesn't Elfman do this movie? I mean, this speaks to like... Maybe he was busy with like more important shit.

Like he's doing the Dumbo score. It's not like they're in a fight now. But also when you read interviews with the two of them, I think we all like... We all. Like the Burton heads like... You and a few other people. You want to believe that like these guys

were like best buddies no and apparently they're like yeah you know like I think when he has a new film he calls me and I come in

and I do what I can well but that's the other thing about Burton is he's kind of like get everyone that I usually work with right Colleen I mean Bruno Delbanel

shot this he's a great cinematographer and I don't know how many times he has worked with Burton now like 6 or 7 he starts with Big Fish why couldn't I say that

he didn't shoot Big Fish who shoots Big Fish I don't know a fish or something I think it's Bernard Debenhams I'm going to look it up look it up Davey Philippe Rousselot another Frenchman ok that's why I was getting confused

no he shot right because Dark Shadows yeah and then Big Eyes and then this okay he didn't shoot

Dumba though so it was a three film collaboration Rousselot shot the couple before that he's into like his French sure

sort of Jeunet type well that's the thing is like right Del Bonel shot Emily. I'm sure Burton was like, I like that.

Yeah. Ben Davis is shooting Dumbo. Wait, why the fuck didn't Elfman do this movie? I don't know. He might have been busy. He did Age of Ultron. Might he win

due to complete lack of interest? I'm trying to find out. Composer? Around this time, he works a lot. Are you talking to Elfman? Elfman, fuck. He was doing

the Blacklist score for one episode. That's why he couldn't do his Peregrine's peculiar job. He did Age of Ultron the year before he did four scores.

Okay. End of the tour. Four scores? When was this? Seven years ago? Woo! That was good. End of the tour. Four scores? When was this? Seven years ago? Woo! That was good. I thought the same thing.

Are you going to give him a good card? Is there some kind of good card? Oh, yeah. Let me see if I can find one of these. Yeah, here we go. Here's a good card. This is just a Valentine's Day card. Will you be mine?

Gladly. Great. Thank you for asking. Of course, I need one. A few days late, like a week late, but whatever. Yeah. I don't know. No, it's cool. It's fine. He did The End of the Tour, Fifty Shades of Grey, Avengers Age of Ultron, and Goosebumps. I mean, four classics.

Yeah. And then in 2016, he did Before I Wake, Alice Through the Looking Glass. So he's busy with the non-Burton Alice, and Girl on the Train. Shrug. Maybe just apathy. I don't know.

Sure. What if a girl was on a train? What if there was a wife? What if there was a... Could you put in a walnut crack? Oh. I came up with this on the Reddit, but I want to announce it here.

Did you see this? Go ahead. Someone was asking if Jonathan Pryce's Walnut is a blender. No, you're right. And it's not. It's the opposite. It's what you think is a blender, but then it's actually crucial. You're like, this is a plot detail?

Yeah, right. The walnuts matter? Right. So the piss jar in BVS is a walnut. That's a walnut. The walnut in The Wife is a walnut. At first, it seems like a pointless character quirk. And then it ends up being an important, quote-unquote, part of the story.

Sure. But it's maddening. Emma Stefanski. Yes. It's time for you to weigh in. The wife. I watched it. Are you pro or con?

Do you take this in marriage? Get in the ring, Stefanski. I'm never getting married. Because of The Wife. Because of The Wife. You don't want to end up like that. I don't want to be that. I mean, it is true that all wives are like that.

All wives write books for their husbands so that their husbands can put their name on it. I mean, honestly, it's a barbaric tradition. Sure. It is. Western society is really broken. Yes, truly. Yeah, that movie is bad. It's really bad.

That was funny. I'll talk wife with Choppo. Yeah, right. I'll do it wife episode wives only so the wife no I just remember you were watching it recently

and telling me that it's a piece of shit it's boring I was talking to better or worse than Peregrine better than Peregrine

because the wife is short the wife is like is the wife short 90 mins something like that well I mean what like 5'1 5'2 how tall is Gwen the wife is short. The wife is like Is the wife short? 90 mins something like that. Well I mean what like 5'1", 5'2"? How tall is Glenn?

The wife is an hour and 41 minutes and Glenn Close is a sturdy 5'5". Whoa! A tall

lady. How tall is Ava Green? The most beautiful woman I've ever seen in person. She is 5'6". So she's got an inch on her. I remember meeting a kid at a high school party who told me that Eva Green was

his babysitter growing up, and it actually made me angry. Was it a French kid? No, he was like, my mom is French, and she was living in New York for a little while, and so he was like, oh, you can live with us and be a babysitter? Hello. I can't do her. She has a very specific American accent.

Like, you know, English speaking. Well, she does this sort of bright British-y kind of affected. She's got that sort of James Bond. I can't do James Bond.

Welcome home. Gotta put some fry in that. To get a children. Vesper. I love Ava Green. She, I covered, yeah, I remember the Golden Compass red carpet.

The Golden Compass red carpet. The Golden Carpet. Golden Carpet. I was, she was just one of those people where I was like, my God, she looks like that in real life. I can't believe it. Your eyes kind of... She's so striking. Is she your number one, that celebrity really is stunning in person?

100%. Who would yours be? You know who my number two is? You have someone where you're like, wow, they... Who? Colin Firth. Where I was like, jesus this guy's like more charming in person like i can't believe it i'm getting lost in him there's that thing

where you meet certain celebrities or you see them in person and between their like charisma and their looks you're like you actually don't even come across that well on screen you're losing something in translation right cooney is someone like that like he is like a movie star. You know who's weirdly that for me? Who? James McAvoy. I was in an elevator with James McAvoy once,

and I was like, wait a second, this is the most charming guy I've ever seen. And he was like, oh, yeah. The guy was popping so hard, and all he was doing was hitting a button in the elevator. I was just unwanted. Right. And he's one of those guys where you're like,

you're kind of really hot, actually. Your eyes are stunning infinity pools. Get out of here. those guys where you're like, oh, you're like kind of like really hot, actually. Like your eyes are stunning infinity pools. Now get out of here. Yeah. Do you have an answer? I don't think I've ever talked to like a hot person before. Oh, come on. Rihanna's in this room.

What are you talking about? Hello. You're the classic hunk. Stay in the classics. Like a super, super actor. I mean, let's see. Well, I do have the one interaction I've had with Kit Harington where he walked into a hotel during

TIFF and there was like a standee poster of him and he pointed to it and looked at me and was like that's me and then he left the room which is what I would do it was really sweet yeah I was like aww you're so cool he's very tiny right?

he's a little boy I'm a small person I've heard he's smaller than me That was really sweet, yeah. I was like, aw, you're so cool. He's very tiny, right? He's pretty short, yeah. He's a little boy. Because you're a tall person. I am. I'm taller than him, for sure. I've heard he's smaller than me. Really? Yeah.

He looks like a tall guy. I think because he's like proportioned. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Rachel McAdams, I had that with. Uh-huh. Where I was just like, oh, you photograph poorly. Like, I think you're a beautiful person when I see you in movies.

Did you yell at her like, why are you so unattractive in movies? Yeah. Do you know how gorgeous you are? I just called up every cinematographer who had ever worked with her, and I was like, what are you doing wrong? I've just had a lot of interactions with actors where I'm like, oh, yeah, in person you look like a little bird. Like, you look like this sort of very fragile, small thing.

Right, and you're like, they're all really small. They're small. They're small people. Right. When I meet a tall celeb, I'm like, Jesus Christ, you're really tall.

Yeah. I mean, you're taller. The two of you are taller than like everyone in Hollywood. Who's tall? Liam Neeson. The Scars guards are tall. The Scars guards are tall.

Schwarzenegger is tall. Sigourney is tall. Yeah. Sigourney is like 6'1", right? I don't know. Jesus. Are we just doing like height cast now? Gwendolyn Christie is tall? I don't know. Jesus. Are we just doing like

height cast now? Gwendolyn Christie's tall. I don't know what. You want to keep talking about Miss Peregrine? They go to Blackpool. There's some sort of a fight. There's an EDM circus.

That part was fun. Vince Vaughn, 6'5". Vince Vaughn's big. He's very big. You know what Vaughn is pretty good in this year? Fighting with my family? Fighting with my family.

Playing it very low key, like not doing the Vince Vaughn stuff. I feel like True Detective somehow like sapped him of like old school Vince Vaughn. Yeah, it's like gone. I kind of like this new phase of like between that

and like Hacksaw Ridge of Vince Vaughn being like, I'm just going to be the pill. Yeah, right. Like I'm going to be the sort of like verbal antagonist for these characters rather than doing like

the cool guy Rat Pack thing. My dad and Romley saw Fighting with my family because my dad loves wrestling. Sure. That sounds good. They were like, this looks like a nice father-daughter movie, which they never do that anymore. That's nice.

And they both came out and they were like, yeah, the movie's a mess. Fitzfone's really good in it. The movie is unfortunately not that good. It has Florence Pugh and she's so fucking great. That was the other thing. And it just keeps kind of like being like,

but let's check in with this other stuff and I'm like, not interested. Where's Florence? Bring it back, please. Excuse me. What about her brother though?

He really suffered because he didn't become a wrestler. I'm like, I came here for the movie about the person who became a wrestler. End of line for you, kid.

End of line. Yeah. That's a good scene. Yeah. Looks good. Oh my God. It's also just like an ad for WWE though. That's the other problem.

The whole movie. Yeah. Even though it was written and directed by Stephen Merchant. Like it's like, yeah, very strange. Okay. So Ms.

Peregrine turns to a bird, goes in the cage and she goes off and then the kids decide they're going to save her. But first they have to deal with one of those fucking monsters. They kill the monster. He's really bad with a crossbow. As the bomb falls on the house. Yeah, it takes like four or five times, whatever. It's such a bad ability.

The house blows up, the loop closes. They go into the sunken ocean liner. The girl summons it out of the ocean. I'm trying to just get us through this. Has Judi Dench still not come in at this point? Oh, right. She came in and then she dies pretty quickly. Almost immediately.

She gets yanked out the window. If that was done as a comedic thing, I mean, it's not funny, but there's nothing to it. She's like, kids, lock up. Lock the doors the doors the windows okay we're safe and then she just gets pulled out so dumb yeah uh okay they go to the fucking pier yeah and then we have that fun little moment of them fighting and actually doing something in this universe that's kind of interesting somewhat. Yeah. You know what it reminded me of was I came of age when the Spiderwick Chronicles

were super, super big. Sure. And Nickelodeon made the movie of them. And they basically just like mashed all the books together. Which is not a good approach. Bad idea. And the movie sucks. That's what they always used to do though.

They'd be like, well, we don't know if we're going to make a franchise. Right. idea. And the movie sucks. That's what they always used to do though. They'd be like, well, we don't know if we're going to make a franchise. Right. We don't like franchises. Yeah. Let's put all the books into one movie.

Right. And then the end of the book is just, or the end of the movie is just like them, the kids are like, the monster's like allergic to tomatoes or something.

I vividly remember they put a bunch of tomatoes in a blender and like use it as a weapon. Jeez. Which does not happen in the books. What's it called a weapon. Jeez. Which does not happen in the books. And I was very disappointed.

We were just talking about it. Lemony Snicket. Yes. That's the first three, I think. Yeah. Which is why that movie is sort of episodic

and doesn't have an ending. Yeah, I still kind of like that movie, but it doesn't have an ending. It looks okay. I don't like it. It looks amazing. Yeah.

Who directed it? Brad Silber but it doesn't have an ending. It looks okay. I don't like it. It looks amazing. Yeah. Give it some credit. Who directed it? Brad Silberling. That seems like an issue. Director of The Incredible Casper. So a bunch of people in 2016 see bones, wet bones come to life. Did he put a heart into the bones? I don't know.

It doesn't matter. Yeah, they have like entrails. You see it in one like little second. I literally feel like I'm falling asleep. It also sounds like you were an insomniac who tried to watch miss peregrine last night i was but i'm also like it on my birthday nonetheless but uh after watching alita yes right in 40x like i got like a lead into my corner i was like this movie lead in 40x at like 10 45 p.m or whatever i saw late night

happy birthday lead, to me. I was raging in 4DX, and I'm like, okay, let me just go home, go to sleep, watch Peregrine in the Morning. Couldn't fall asleep. I was like, well, this thing will definitely put me to sleep. And instead, it felt like Chinese water torture. You're like, I'm tired.

Why is this not right? But then here I am, in my head, trying to remember the plot of the film, and just trying to play it back in my mind is almost putting me to sleep. I literally could fall asleep on this table right now. For a super long movie, not really that much happens. Very little. I feel like our plot recap has not been. That's why I truly think you could do a 95 minute version of this movie that wouldn't feel chopped down.

It wouldn't feel like Jonah Hex. It would feel like this is the natural length of this movie that wouldn't feel chopped down. It wouldn't feel like Jonah Hex. It would feel like this is the natural length of this film. We cut out the five minutes of pausing in between each movement. In between each line written by Asa Butterfield. Dad, listen. The Blackpool thing, which like Blackpool

is like not that dynamic location. It's like England's Jersey Shore. It's a boardwalk. That's what I kind of like about it. Sure. It's like England's Jersey Shore. It's like, it's a boardwalk. That's what I kind of like about it. Sure. I mean, it's fine. Yeah. What do they do

instead of fist bump? People at the Jersey Shore fist bump. They do? Dude. All right. You don't know about the Jersey Shore universe.

GTL. Yeah. Jim T. Laundry. There you go. That's how it works in Blackpool. Jim T. Laundry. Blackpool U.T. Laundry. I was doing as if I was doing a mapping game.

Thank you. David, thank you. David, thank you. Thank you, David. We missed a really important detail. How do you know so much about this Blackwater? That speaks to how boring this movie is

that we've been talking about. The English countryside for an hour and a half and we didn't even have the energy to set that up. We've said London multiple times. So many times. London. I'm from London. I lost the will to bit. This movie has made me lost the will

to goof. So you're excited to do Alice in Wonderland tomorrow. Yeah, because Alice in Wonderland at least is like maddening. It's like a travesty. Yeah, right. Whereas this is like a gentleman's four. Right.

Right? Like that's what this is. Right. It ends with... I don't fucking know. They pelt the beasts with snow. They kill the ghasts.

They go down into the... He talks to his grandpa at some point. Well, no, because it's like once they kill all the guys, his grandpa at some point well no because once he once they kill all the guys his grandpa's alive because the guys weren't there to kill his grandpa like it doesn't make sense because baron what his name is baron he's there in their time now after having been

it's true florida it doesn't make sense it wouldn't have impacted the timeline stuff makes no sense no um because also once the time loop closes shouldn't they all just like grow a thousand years i know that it lasts like the movie is like right you can kind of like grace period exactly which is a bunch of bullshit and then he goes and talks to his grandpa and rather than being like i fucking brought you back to life this is huge i love you Terrence Sam's kind of like go get her yeah maybe you should leave and uh go find ghost girl I mean air girl there's like a montage of course he goes to Japan and has like slicked back hair that's the thing when then he

shows up and he's like you won't believe the journey I had I went from loop to loop and I'm like are the loops portals now like what would someone explain this to me this also gets to this thing where like you see these late burton movies and you're like is the problem that now he's happy and he feels more content and so he can no longer make stories about outsiders with his heart in it or is tim burton more depressed than he's ever been seems he seems down yeah yeah um i feel like only a depressed person could make a movie like this. Yes. I mean, this film does kind of like, next to Melancholia,

it's the second best representation of physical depression I've ever seen. Yeah. Just by mistake. Like full-body depression. In a kind of director. Yeah, right. I've been watching Empire Games on Netflix, which is like about

ancient civilizations okay and I just watched one about the first emperor of China oh cool and so

they talked about the previous dynasties and how they would burn all of the paper all of the writings all of the culture like try to tamp that down

because they're the new right we should burn this movie yeah every print everything that exists should just not exist.

Yeah. We should get rid of this. Society started its downward trend when this movie hit theaters. I don't know if it's that bad, but I just think that people across the world burned this to the ground.

Maybe we need to go to the Welsh countryside, find the house. Great. Go back in time. Right. Kill ransomware right

exactly stop the loop and then we get to return back to our present day with this movie never having been made I don't think that's gonna like what if we did that

and then Trump loses like we're like that was it that was the one that was the one thing this movie does come out like a month before he gets elected

but no it comes out september yes that means you're queuing up my me for the box office game september 30th 2016 everyone's favorite weekend this movie literally comes out five weeks before trump is elected sure it also comes out uh number one in the box office with 28 million dollars on its way to 87 domestic even like kind of an apathetic box office result. I don't know. People went, I guess. Right. If it

opened to six, you'd be like, wow, that's a flop. And if it opened to 50, you'd be like, it overperformed in 28. You're like, okay. It made 87 domestic but 296 worldwide. His brand is still strong. So, you know, it probably no one was probably that

sweating it too much. It probably broke even, I guess. So, you know, it probably, you know, no one was probably that sweating it too much. Like it probably broke even, I guess. Yes, made no sequels. Certainly no sequels. Number one. Number two is also a new movie. Number two is also a new movie.

Oh, I believe I know what this is. What is it? Deepwater Horizon? There you go. Didn't even need another clue. People thought they would overperform. People thought Deepwater Horizon would outgross paragraph is that that oil boy i would have thought that yes and then people were kind of surprised by how little deep water made these are some oily

boys it's true deep you know the problem was that people are not like like you know like patriots day or whatever it's like yeah i get it he's a cop i remember that like deep water horizon it's like you remember the oil thing that blew up and they're like i tried it right like in all the posters we've talked about it before was just them like covered in oil yeah i'm gonna find it now because i love that one of kirk um kirk douglas uh kurt russell kurt russell what the fuck is the matter with me yeah um no but that movie costs like 100 million dollars. Very expensive. Looks good. Looks really good.

Visual effects are incredible. But Lone Survivor had done so well. I'm so oily. Oily boys. But Lone Survivor is like a proto-American sniper. That movie doing that well

is like a harbinger. That's the first sign, the tip. Dylan O'Brien. I forgot he's in it. I've got an oil on me. I saw him on the street a few months ago

Dylan O'Brien he's not short I'm not tall Gina she's been oiled yep I'm gonna keep going Dylan was like

talking into his AirPods loudly a poster for just oil that'd be good if it was just a puddle of oil this is the best one like a slick on the

Malkovich Malkovich puckered mouth oil him up do you think when he walked into this studio that day, he was like, oil me up, fellas. Oil me up. Look at his pursed lips. He's pursing

him. And then Wahlberg. I mean, you know. Looks mad that he's oiled. I got oil all over me. Where'd this oil come from? Alright, come on. We got another show coming in soon. Okay, number three. Number three. Oh, is another movie. Ben has to record Henry Kissinger's podcast. What? Number three. we got another show coming in soon number three oh is another movie Ben has to record

Henry Kissinger's podcast what number three another movie that doesn't exist from this like exact moment in time I think a lot of those

Trump like election movies you know movies right around then the fall of 2016 people are like I don't like to think about it it was a simpler time

we were coffee yeah yeah yeah like movies that just got swallowed I liked one of the top 10 films of 2016 yeah yeah my nominee for best screenplay I remember yeah they're allied good screenplay movie allied in war allied in love yep any other allies there uh let's slow this down allies for the lgbtq people yes of course that they they're they're big allies allies for the peculiars what of course. They are big allies. Allies for the peculiars.

The plus in LGBTQ plus, there's a P there for peculiar. Number three. It's a remake of a remake. A star is born. It's not a star is born. You can't deny that that's a remake of a remake. I won't deny it. This is all that I can offer for this game.

It's a remake of a remake. Keep going. I'm denying it. There's so many. What, four? Right. Okay. This is also What Price Hollywood.

This is a remake of a remake. Yeah. And it stars a bunch of people who are famous. Is this a Warrington Express? No, but you're in that, you're sort of in the zone. So is it based on a book? I don't think so. Is it a franchise? No, but you know, you're in that, you're sort of in the zone. So is it based on a book? Is it a franchise? No. So they've just made the story

three times, but they never made sequels to either of the previous versions. They have remade a famous movie. And that famous movie, which is from a long time ago, was itself a remake of a different famous movie. Oh, Casper of Spirit of Begin. Incorrect. The answer's been her? Incorrect. Really? I was cocky about that.

That was a summer movie. I remember it being like a last week of August. Sure, but this is the last week of September. Oh, I know what this is. Oh, it's Magnificent Seven. Magnificent Seven. They united the seven. They united, you know, Ethan Hawke and D'Onofrio, and I forget who else is in that one.

I was going to ask you, going to a head, if you could name two more of the seven. Pratt. Well, I know Pratt, Washington. I think Sarsgaard of the seven. Pratt. Well, I know Pratt, Pratt, Washington. I think Sarsgaard's the villain. Yes. You've got Luke Grimes

and Cam Giganday. I don't know if you can say his name. Will Byun Lee. Is that his name? Stormshadow from G.I. Joe, Rise of Cobra. He's in there.

Number four. The best movie I've ever watched on a plane. It's so good. I think we don't actually. You think Magnificent Seven is good?

No, G.I. Joe, Rise of C good. I think we don't actually... You think Magnificent 7 is good? No, G.I. Joe Rise of Clover. I think we need to start the real re-appreciation of G.I. Joe Rise of Clover. Should I watch the G.I. Joe movies and never see them? They're great. They're fun. You want to do a summer's mini-series. They're going to crossover with Transformers. Really? Oh, really? They want to do it. They've been wanting to do it for decades. Are those franchises

aligned? Yeah, they're Hasbro. Oh, okay. They're both the same company. They've sometimes done to do it for decades. Are those franchises aligned? Yeah, they're Hasbro. Oh, okay. They're both the same company. They've sometimes done crossovers. But there's like a thing in G.I. Joe, Rise of Cobra, where they make a suit that makes you run really fast. It's like an exoskeleton that goes like this, so they look like wind-up toys.

Cool. It's great. Summers would be so cool. In the sequel, Bruce Willis plays G.I. Joe. We've talked about this. No, I've heard of this. Number four is an animated movie. Okay.

Just give me the name. September of 2016. Is it a new release or is it a holdover from the summer? It's a holdover. Two weeks old. Two weeks old. So it's in August. It's a bit of a flop.

No, September 30th. Oh, right. So it's from early September 2016. It's a bit of a flop. No, September 30th. Oh, right. So it's from early September 2016. It's a bit of a flop. What's the final domestic total? 72. A bit of a flop. Kind of a flop.

But it's also about a flock of birds. Oh, Storks? Storks? Yes. Storks. Nicholas Stoller's Storks. Yeah, but also co-directed by Doug Sweetland, who is one of the best animators at Pixar, and I never let him direct a feature.

He's the Presto guy, or whatever it's called. Yep. Is Presto that what it's called? Yes, correct. And he also did a lot of my favorite animation in Toy Story 2. Like Woody's impression of when they play Woody's Roundup. You're a dork. Me? Yes, but that sounds... Wait, when they play Woody's Roundup?

I don't remember that. There's a scene where he's doing his impression, and he comes out, and he's doing his John Wayne swag. I like that. It's a really good piece of character animation. Yeah, he tips his hat. Steven, I remember that. Right, and then Bullseye does the thing where his saddle slides off.

And by the way, I'm not a dork. I like to identify as peculiar. Bullseye, I will say Bullseye. Yeah. We stan a legend. You like Bullseye. Bullseye's cool. Because we've been arguing a lot about how just Toy Story doesn't work for you.

No, that's not true. And you just admit that you've never been able to like it. We were talking about Toy Story and TS4. We were talking the four the other day. And you said, I just don't get these movies. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Come on now. I've seen the first one.

You were besmirching the good name of Forky. Well, right. This is what I'm talking about. The new ones, I'm not. The new ones, too. Well, the first one talking about. The new ones, I'm not. The new ones? Well, the first one I saw, I'm sure, a few times. Second one I owned

and I've seen many times. American Masterpiece, the greatest of all time. It's certainly the best one. And then the third one I saw one time. The best one of movies. Speaking of,

number five at the box office is, let me just check my notes. Oh, yeah. The greatest film ever made. Oh boy. That's my clue. I cannot wait to take a nap and I know exactly what this film is.

I wish you hadn't given me the clue. Because I knew from greatest film and of course the film is called Sully. That's right. How I spent my Valentine's Day. I was about to say, didn't you recently re-watch Sully? My girlfriend was sick we were staying in for valentine's day really holding back you can't say anything about it

i know you can't say anything about it and we were looking through my movie collection and i was i was taking a shower she was looking through my movie collection sure and i was like what do you want to watch she was like i don't know i'm up for anything and i was scrolling through and i was like i'm gonna make a joke that's not really a joke i'm gonna say well like well of course the best thing for when you're sick is to watch a little sully and I was like, I'm gonna make a joke that's not really a joke. I'm gonna say, well, of course, the best thing for when you're sick is to watch a little Sully. And she's like, wait, seriously? Okay, I was gonna say it, but then I was gonna couch it as a joke because I thought that you

owned it ironically. And I was like, um... I once had a conversation with your girlfriend. Freedom is spelled S-U-L-L-Y. Let's wave the flag, my friend. I once had a conversation with your girlfriend at a loud bar where I was like Sully it fucking rules I love Sully and she was like not a good movie

don't like it and we were doing this for like five minutes and I was like what are you talking about and then I realized she was talking about Tully she was talking about Tully and then I was like Tully Tully I can take her lead wait a second Sully fuck she was so into Sully fuck she was

so into Sully and I was just like this is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with Sully is you see me and you see Sully

yes the moment where she turned to me and she's like the final set piece of this movie is them watching a simulation four times and I was like yes

uh birds I've never seen Sully oh my god I'm sorry is them watching a simulation four times and I was like, yes! Birds. I've never seen Sully. Oh my God! I'm sorry. That's actually offensive. I had to come clean. Ben, erase this episode. Ben, get the Sully DVD.

Cue up Sully on the DV. We're going to sit here and watch it live. You have five minutes. God damn it. I'm going to put it on like times 100 speed. Some other movies we have masterminds. I mean, real movies it on like times 100 speed. Some other movies we have masterminds. I mean real movies that don't exist zone.

Oh yeah. I forgot. I actually didn't forget. I did not know that Storks was a movie. Storks. I thought it was like a very well advertised Pixar short. Bridget Jones's baby. Remember when there was a third Bridget Jones movie? Yeah. It just sort of came out. Yeah. She had a baby. I guess so

you gotta tell that story Snowden that's another one that doesn't exist is that the Joseph Gordon-Levitt movie yeah of course

he never completed his trilogy unnecessary remakes by fallen from greatness American directors of documentaries that won the Oscar so you've got

The Walk in Snowden you're saying he should do a third one he needs one more close it up baby yeah what are some recent academy award winners for documentary let's find the next joseph gordon yeah the other part of the the trilogy and it has to be directed by a fallen director right the other part of the trilogy is he puts way too much effort into the accent it's distracting exactly because his snowden voice is also really weird well i don't see him playing government of spying weird well I don't see him playing the government is spying on us

I don't see him playing Amy Winehouse but if he did Icarus he could maybe be like Lance Armstrong or whatever right like I know there was already a Lance Armstrong movie

he put a lot on it he did he's actually trying in that movie because that movie kind of has nothing to do he was like I had to take the

performance enhancing drugs I wouldn't recommend that any other actor does it but I don't know any other way to act. I removed one of my testicles. How about March of the Penguins? He plays a penguin.

What else do we have in the last couple of years? Amy, Icarus. OJ Made in America, Citizen Four, 25 from Stardust, searching for Sugar Man. Could he be Sugar Man? Could he play Sugar Man? How did that go over?

Not well, you're're saying we've got something inside job remember that one the financial documentary hello it's me sugar man I heard you've been searching for me

you just wanted to bust out your JGL alright I like writing songs but I just do it for myself I don't even care if people buy the albums hit record

hit record Joe hit record Joe we did it we talked about fucking Miss Peregrine and next week we'll talk about Dumbo we did it and I can't wait to take a nap I'm so proud of you Dumbo next week we still got a couple burdens left to do but we've been in this zone for a couple months now.

This film's a low point. You know, I'd say this is maybe his second. I don't know. It's one of those things where you go, like, it's better than Alice in Wonderland and that's less egregious, but also it's so much less compelling to watch. If Planet of the Apes is definitely bottom of the barrel, this is either two. It's better than the two movies you just named or three from the bottom I think it's third from bottom

and it's his most recent film so it speaks poorly and who knows maybe Dumbo will fucking rock the house and we'll all be laughing you know what I think I I do like Dark Shadows better than this because we're recording this in February so there aren't even any early reviews of Dumbo I like Dark Shadows better than this, no question.

No question. Dark Shadows is a mess, but it has, like... The problem with Dark Shadows is it doesn't make a decision about what movie it wants to be, but at least has five different ideas of what movie it could be. I'm very intrigued to find out what your Burton rankings are going to be, in fact. Interesting. You know what I mean? Because actually, it's a lot of movies.

There's a lot of potential for variance what's your favorite burton emma um probably edward scissorhands it's a good call oh that movie commonly gentle man snip snip snippy snips i also love big fish i've never cried so hard yeah i've cried at big fish it gets me every time. You gotta catch the fish. I gotta catch that big fish. You gotta reel it in. Ben, you have more Burtons to record with us, but this is the last Burton you're gonna have to do for the listeners.

Sure. Yes. Final thoughts? So over it. So over it. Ben's gonna love our next one. So you're looking forward to Penny Marshall. You like the change of pace of Penny Marshall.

Yeah, sure. I love the early Burton. Sure. Like their masterpiece. Yeah. They're nostalgic for me as being a young person. I remember seeing them. But man, he's got to stop.

I don't know. Maybe it's a movie. Good. I hate all his late period movies I've hated Big Fish is like you know

I was on the fence re-seeing it recently but then from there I have a feeling I'm gonna hate Alice in Wonderland and Charlie

and the fucking Chocolate Factory I think you're gonna like Charlie you might like Charlie I think you're gonna like Charlie but since I gotta call it now I'm gonna say Tim Burton

take a look in the mirror right take a good long look in the mirror. Take a good long look in the mirror. Stop making movies about childhood. Yeah, but that also you go like, he doesn't seem like he's that excited by making movies about childhood. So maybe it's just that's what everyone offers him. Stop making movies.

Or stop making movies. I don't love it, but the whole Tarantino like, I I'm going to make 10 and then, like, retire. Sure. Is essentially a safeguard against this. Like, he's like, I never want to get to a point where I'm just making a movie. Totally. I agree with that.

And you're like, is there anything bad about, like, there are tons of, like, old directors where it's just like, oh, he just died this year. I thought he died 20 years ago. Right. And it's because they just stopped making movies 20 years ago. Yeah, he gave it a rest. Yeah. Give it a rest, Timmy. Yeah it's because they just stopped making movies 20 years ago. Yeah, he gave it a rest. Give it a rest, Timmy. Or maybe fucking Dumbo.

What if he opened a spooky sandwich shop? That would be fun. I would like that. Can you chop him with big scissors or something? Yeah, you're like, I don't know, is there other stuff he could do? They could have themed names. Bubba Gump? More like Scissorhands Sandwich Tree. Timmy Scissorhands? Do you guys want to get like Scissorhands Sandwichery. Timmy Scissorhands? Do you guys want to get

a Scissorhands Sandwichery? You're back to your witchery, Ben. I am. That's a tease for future Patreons. Literally for June. Yeah. Alright. We're done. Come on. Enough. I gotta pee. Okay. Bye. Wait a second. Wait. No. Sit down.

Sit down. Sit down! Attention must be paid. Stefanski, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for being here. You're the best. Thank you for reading Mrs. Perrigan. You didn't read the other books. No, I just read that one. Oh, Quirk. It's a Quirk.

It's quirky. Publishing house? Yes. They did all the... Isn't it the same? The Pride and Prejudice and Zombies? I was going to say, all of those are quirk. It's a lot of that, take a thing that's public domain and rework it, and then you own the IP.

Rolling my eyes. Tim Burton also produced Abraham Lincoln Vampire. Vampire Slayer, Hunter. Because he was like, that sounds like the kind of fun genre movie I would have watched on TV. And then he saw it and was like,

oh, you're going to make it cool? Like, quote unquote, cool? I think his thought was like, oh, it's like David Carradine. And the sets cost a dollar. Billy Jack meets the Wolfman. Some bullshit like that. Oh, it's like speed ramping?

He hired Mr. Speed Ramp. What are you supposed to do? Timur was like, can you produce this for me? He didn't hire him. He was like, Tim, please help me. I love speed ramping. He's like putting some speed ramps in his suitcase and pressing it down. Do you remember when Deadline every

day was having Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter. It's down to five finalists. Yeah, I do. It was like Superman and Abe Lincoln Vampire Hunter were being cast at the same time and it was like Matthew Goode is taking himself out of consideration

for Lincoln so he can double down on Superman. And then it was like Ben Walker's taking himself out of Superman so that he can be Lincoln. The swoop in to this movie

that's going to make $8. Yeah, maybe movies don't matter. Well, thank you all for listening. Oh, you're right. And you know what? That will be reaffirmed next week when we love Dumbo. Or at least we're like,

it's pretty good. Well, no, you know why it has to be? Because 2019 is the year of only good movies. Every movie is great in 2019. Get with it. This is my big rallying cry. 2019, hashtag every movie is great. All the movies are good. All the movies are good. Let's let all movies be good.

Okay. Thank you all for listening. Please remember to rate, review, subscribe. Stay peculiar. Stay peculiar. For the love of God, stay peculiar.

Keep that fire in your belly like ass of Butterfield. Keep those bees in your mouth. You gotta keep them in your mouth. And feed that turkey leg into the back of your skull. Also, here are some other things you can do.

Go to blankies.red.com, the most peculiar subreddit on the internet. Buy some very peculiar shirts on TeePublic. Like, for example, if you turn people to stone, put some shirts over your face. Yes. Thanks to Ang for Guru has the peculiar power to generate good tweets. Thanks to Lane Montgomery has the peculiar power to write us a theme song in like two hours. Uh, thanks to Joe bone and Pat rounds who are just peculiar people.

Go to the Patrion. Oh, go to Pat Patrion. Certainly. If there's ever been an episode that incentivized you to spend more money to listen, more of us talking, uh, Emma,

be on commentary. You live like next door to me. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you live next to Big Nice? She lives real close to my house. Really? For sure, true.

Which is your favorite MCU movie? That's a really hard question to answer. Thor Ragnarok, maybe? Wow. Come on, Thor. Come on, Thor,

because we don't love it. Really? Yeah, that's right. You can cheerlead. I love that movie. Well, you can cheerlead. Oh, my God. Okay on, Thor, because we don't love it. Yeah, that's right. You can cheerlead. I love that movie! Well, you can cheerlead! Oh my god! Okay, so look, if that's not an exciting plug, I don't know what is. Thor Ragnarok's

good! Yeah, see, now we're getting into it. Alright, cool. Ben is giving me a death glare. Bill Clinton is coming in next to record. And Ben is literally no smiles blinking at me. He is telling me

through Morse code that he wants me to die. His face is getting really red too. And as always, I can't wait to take a nap.