Blank Check with Griffin & David - Seven Chances / Go West with Jamie Loftus

Episode Date: May 21, 2023

This week’s Keaton double feature sees our unflappable hero chased by two types of terrifying crowds: angry would-be brides, and a herd of cattle. How does he outrun them both? Jamie Loftus joins us to chat about Buster Keaton’s tremendous on-screen running (up there with Tom Cruise), his enduring sex appeal (we love a hot tired guy), and his compassion for animals (giving the bovine star of GO WEST a week off to have sex). Plus, because Jamie is THE Hot Dog Queen, we get into a very involved, very long tangent about the world of competitive Hot Dog Eating. Guest Links:  Get Jamie's book Raw Dog (The Naked Truth About Hot Dogs) out 5/23 Listen to The Bechdel Cast Subscribe to The Bechdel Cast Matreon  This episode is sponsored by:  Bombas (bombas.com/check CODE: CHECK) Nuts.com (Nuts.com/check) Join our Patreon at patreon.com/blankcheck Follow us @blankcheckpod on Twitter and Instagram! Buy some real nerdy merch at shopblankcheckpod.myshopify.com or at teepublic.com/stores/blank-check

Some people podcast through life making friends wherever they go, while others just podcast through life, making friends wherever they go. While others just podcast through life. Wow. Which one's that from? That's from Go West. That's the opening title card of Go West. I find that this is the most successful pathway is to use these openings. These nice opening title cards that are flowery.

Yes. In their description. Because so often, otherwise, the title cards are just like What? So someone had to sit there and paint like what? Because that's what you had to do You had to paint it That's the thing I love in Babylon

That you see her Is she called Anime Wong in the movie? No she's not I was talking to someone who read an early draft of that script Where all of the characters were just the people But that's what you Isn the characters were just the people. But that's what you... Isn't that also just a thing that you do that you're just like, I'll just use the names of the people I mean and I'll replace it later. Right, and I'll come up with a fake name later.

I'll just call my ex-girlfriend my ex-girlfriend's name. Right. And then it's like, oh shit, I forgot to change it. This is why I'm a bad screenwriter, is I'm like, open up new document, page one, this is based on this. And then I sit there for three days trying to pick the right fake name and i go let me put this one on the back burner for a little while whereas those people just like they fucking type in anime wong write it down and then later to come up with fake names because um you know what we'll remember when we did our all that jazz episode i

do remember yes yes our fancy, revealed that the original script for that movie used everyone's real names. Hal Prince and such. Hal Prince and such. Yes. Yes. No, that's how you do it.

And the many women he wronged. That's how you make a masterpiece. Not wronging women. No. But using the real names of those women in the screenplay and then changing them lightly by the time the cameras roll.

But also, casting the women as themselves. Yeah, well, that's right. He didn't give a fuck, right? What a complicated guy. Yeah, yeah. He was a complicated guy. by the time the cameras roll but also casting the women as themselves yeah well that right he didn't give a fuck right complicated guy yeah yeah he was a complicated guy remember we talked about did we do okay on him i think so i don't know who knows i don't fucking know are we doing okay on this guy i think so yeah yeah all right great we're skipping one ahead in the record order versus release order but that's fine i. I kind of like this. That we're still in the interesting ones.

Yeah, absolutely. Are we doing it well? I don't know. Maybe we fucking biffed the last episode. It hasn't happened yet. You know? That's the energy to put out in the world. Hi. Hi. Come on, introduce us. Our guests can talk, too. Please. I apologize

if the last episode was totally biffed. Guests can speak at any moment. I've got a good feeling. I think it'll be, it'll turn out fine. About the last episode. About the last episode. This one,

I'm not feeling very good. Well, no, I think it's going to work. James Urbaniak, you know James Urbaniak? Yeah. He'll have done the previous episode.

Okay, so actually, this episode's going to be a steep drop off for the listeners. No, I'm being ever higher. No. Have you ever been, like i i have received that note when i've turned in scripts where i've like neglected to they're like they're like at one point at three points in the script you refer to a character as steven you're like oh uh no actually his you know his name is uh steve-o or like whatever

sure whatever light change you're like sorry i forgot to totally work through that the control f missed that one yeah i had a huge issue with that last year because i my keyboard was broken and my find and rip like my r key wasn't working yeah so the find and replace it was just like not happening. I was doing it manually and a lot of stuff slipped through. Yeah. You know what I find funny is like at times when I have auditioned for things and it's like a top secret project and they try to do that, like find and replace and change all the names and whatever and the specifics. And like sometimes one will slip through, but also just the replacement words are terrible and transparent. I love those.

My friend was auditioning for something that we were like, it's Star Wars, right? And then it was like there was some something was missed. I forget what it was. There was like a word replacement for lightsaber that was just very weak. Yes. We're like, OK, okay, it's Star Wars. That's cool. Okay, so I think I can tell.

Whatever. They didn't hire me. I had the opposite experience of this recently. Whoa. Where my agent sent me a thing that they were like, untitled Lucasfilm animated project. Right?

And they were like, plot details are under wraps, but I think it's safe to assume this might take place. And I, a long time ago on a galaxy far, far away. So then I read the sides, and the sides had Star Wars specifics in them. Oh, sure. Right? It said like

Holocron and credits. It's like Darth Vader stands over the corpse of Luke Skywalker. Well, it was like characters I didn't recognize, but they kept on saying like Jedi, lightsaber, whatever. Babu Frigg, Babu Frigg. They keep saying Babu Frigg. Babu Frigg biopic.

Oh, that would be nice. It was like Star Wars, like verbs and nouns without proper names and whatever. And it looked like Coruscant was cited, right? And I was like, they're acting like this is top secret, but Coruscant has not been replaced in it. And then I'm reading through the pages and it's like, this totally feels odd for Star Wars. It's like very jokey and sort of conversational and feels weirdly modern. And they're like at a college. What?

And he's like talking about trying to like find artifacts. And I was like, motherfucker, this is an Indiana Jones thing. That's diabolical. That they're pretending is a Star Wars thing. Wait, that's actually kind of clever. Isn't that insane?

I think the show has since been canceled, which is the only reason I feel comfortable saying this. Also, they didn't hire me. Right. I'm glad they didn't do that. Diabolical.

But it seemed like it was like an Indiana Jones cartoon show where it was like, I remember watching him in the old adventure holograms. I think if I was microdosing just the right amount, I could do that to a script. But it has to be hard to make all the Indiana Jones things. Slip it into another.

Right. Yeah. It was so funny. Isn't that also just a sign of, like, IP creep in Disney or whatever? Right. I like to think of that as a guy. The IP creep. The IP creep.

He's there. He can shift everything one universe over Somebody say my name The IP creep That was the voice I did for the audition by the way Listen This is Blank Check with Griffin and David I'm Griffin

I'm David What'd you say blank? No I said I'm David No but before that I can't remember It sounded like you just said I think I said thank you Oh For finally doing the intro And I'll say blank you No, but before that. I can't remember. It sounded like you just said... I think I said thank you.

Oh. For finally doing the intro. And I'll say blank you. This is a podcast about filmographies, directors who have massive success early on in their careers. They're given a series of blank checks to make whatever crazy passion projects they want. Sometimes those checks clear. Sometimes they bounce. Baby, this is this guy we're talking about.

Buster Keaton. We're doing a main series on the films of Buster Keaton. It's called Podcast Junior. This is a true blank check career. This was a 10 film run where he just had a guy independently go,

here's your money, make your movie. Right. Do another one. This one's a Western? Cool. Yeah. Sure.

Right. Only rule, almost kill yourself. Yes. Every time. Only rule, mortal danger. Although, the two we're talking about today are an interesting pairing because one of them is just him being like, I feel like doing this.

And the other one was the one time where the guy threw something at him and said, you have to make this. Interesting. Yes. Which is which? Seven Chances. Seven Chances is like he's being forced into a scenario. A movie he basically took over. It was the one time that Schenck was like,

this is what you're doing. Schenck. Schenck. I'm trying to, Dana Stevens was correcting me on it. I know. I'm trying to retain David. Roscoe.

Schenck. Right. We have to get the Danas right. Yeah. The Dana-isms. Schenck. David. Schenck.

Schenck. Schenck. Joe, sorry. Joe Schenck. Joe Schenck. Yeah. Just say Schenck, honestly. Schenck. There you go. Skank Shink Joe Skank Just say Skank Skank Makes me feel better Our guest today

Returning to the show She's here The Bechdel cast Recently, frequently from You're Wrong About And your new book Raw Dog A book about hot dogs Jamie Loftus is here frequently from You're Wrong About and your new book. Yeah. Raw Dog.

Raw Dog. A book about hot dogs. Jamie Loftus is here. Jamie, I've already said I've shared this anecdote on a different episode but Ben and I went to go see a screening.

Producer Ben and I went to go see a screening of Sherlock Jr. was playing the other day at the Paris Theater right off of Central Park and going to the screening

I was listening to your Doughboys episode. And then afterwards, Ben was like, do you want to get food? And I was like, all I want to eat now is a hot dog. Did you get one? We got fucking Nathan's cart dogs. And we walked around Central Park and it was lovely. And it felt like such a perfect. Seeing a silent picture.

I love that. Eating a Nathan's. What'd you put on it? Just mustard. Just mustard. Just mustard. And the guy had it like panashed at his service.'s. What'd you put on it? Just mustard. Just mustard. Just mustard. And the guy had it, like, panashed at his service. Yes.

What do you mean? He kind of was, like, old-timey about it a little bit. You know, he, like, flipped the bun around really specifically. He had a whole thing going on. He sprayed the mustard real fast. Is he, like, I know where the Paris is. So he's, like, right in the corner of Central Park. Maybe he's like, all right, I'm getting a touristy crowd.

I got to put on some show. There's the statue. Yeah. That's that little square block right next to Central Park. In front of the famous hotel. Right, right. The Pazza.

That corner between the Pazza. You know what I'm talking about. I do. He was there. I have written many a review there. Yes, he was there. That's where he was. You guys went on a date 99 years ago.

I know. That's so sweet. It was very old-timey. I love that. It was an old-timey. I love that. It was an old-timey courtship. We held hands. Yeah. Wow.

Yeah. Any jacket exchanges? No. I made Ben carry my books. Okay. Okay. Gave him a pin. Yeah.

I gave him a pin. When did that stop, the pins? Is that the 60s that stops? I want to bring it back. Yeah. Can we bring that back? Hey, if you go to Disney World, it never stopped. Wow. Pin trading is all fucking

I have no idea what that is I'm happy I don't know I don't know anything about that It's a whole subculture It's a whole subculture No that wasn't defensive at all I definitely didn't put my hands up Like I was being arrested

What is it? They just fucking love pins there. But like, do you wear many pins? Yes, and people trade them. They sell the pins there at various places, but there's also this thing where like... But are there like special pins that are limited? Absolutely, all-time limited things.

There's... So, too many side tangents. They made no merchandise whatsoever of my character in Disenchanted. I'm sorry. What? Insulting. I play a fucking cartoon chipmunk

who turns into a cat. That's peak pin. Yes. Yeah. That's begging for a pin. You wished on some wishing stone when you were 10 to have merch made of you.

Right. And then now every time you're in a thing that seems merchandisable, they're like, we'll make merch of everything but Griffin. Play played a fucking superhero and a talking cat and i got nothing you're not yeah you're not gonna get a surer thing than the disengaged no done what the fuck happened but so i was like i guess i gotta fucking buy all the merch from the first movie

the character existed and when i didn't play him right unbelievable the best pin of my character on ebay nine hundred dollars wow you got priced out priced out fucking boxed out and this is when i was looking like two years when i started when i got the part before the movie had been announced maybe or you know it wasn't like oh there's a bump oh wow here it is nine wow and it really. And it really is just a chipmunk. Can you pay in four? Yeah, yeah, maybe just split that up. Just pay in four. Maybe get a new credit card.

Yeah. This is the thing. This is the thing, David. I'm drowning in pin payments. What's up? Most of the stores that sell pins at Disney World, if you're like, let me see your pin board, the guy who works behind the counter,

the guy or gal who works behind the counter, takes out a board and it's a bunch of pins. It's almost like a take a penny, leave a penny. And you can like give them a pin and take one off the board. Yeah. So there's this whole secret underground. So the next time you go to Disney, you're just going to be doing that. You're just going to be, this is the only one.

Yeah. Because there's a bunch of, oh, well, wait. This one's only $100. Which one? Let me see if I have it. Yeah, I have that in the bow. Yeah, I have that. Oh. I didn't pay $100. I waited for a good deal.

Okay, I'm glad for you. Listen. We're talking about Buster Keaton, of course. I bet there's pins of him. Yeah. Yeah. Although I was doing some research. He never got enough merchandise in his day. I feel like he mostly... I mean, he was like a big deal in cartoons of him. Yeah. Yeah. Although I was doing some research. He never got enough merchandise in his day.

I feel like he mostly, I mean, he was like a big deal in cartoons later on. Yes. And there's like free and easy or maybe it's in Spite Marriage. We'll rewatch Spite Marriage for this. But there is a bit with him with a doll of himself. Oh, sure. But I don't know if it was ever mass produced. That's what I've been trying to find out.

I love that he's just, I feel like we need more huge movie stars Who basically just look really tired I think that's so nice It is the magic Yes He does look tired I would love a Buster action figure He is athletic

And then you could have one where like He could have a mustache Or a magnifying glass Sure You want to dress him up then you could have one where like, you could have a mustache or a magnifying glass. Sure. You want to dress them up. Exactly. You could have various. Dress them up and move them around. Jamie, what's your relationship to Buster Keaton? We sort of, when we decided we were doing this,

we went through our favorite guests from the past and just started knocking on doors and going like, do you like Buster Keaton by any chance? Trying to identify the people who we're already friends with who have some appreciation for his work. And you bumped up to the top of the list very quickly. I like Buster Keaton a lot.

I don't think I've, I haven't seen all of his work, but I watched it when I was a kid and I liked it. And then I like had to watch it in film school, but I really got into it like five years ago. Okay. When I was like starting to put together more physical comedy shows myself. I'm like, well, seems like a good person to watch. Yeah.

And what I like about Buster Keaton is that he didn't famously like molest teenagers, which you can't say all stars of that era. Unbelievable quality. Yeah. And I would say maybe a little rare. didn't famously like molest teenagers which you can't say all stars of that unbelievable quality yeah which and and and i would say maybe a little rare at this time and so i i really liked i thought his like personal history was really interesting and he's just like really fucking good i had not i had not seen either of the movies for today um but i'd seen the big ones. I'd seen The General. I'd seen Sherlock Jr. Yeah, I'm a fan.

He puts me in a good mood. Go West is kind of slept on. And then Seven Chances is so famous for the end section. But I think otherwise, I think it's a movie that more often, like bits of it get repurposed in montages where people just watch The Chase or whatever. The Chase is great. I whatever. The Chase is great.

The Chase is incredible. Both of these movies weirdly end with a stampede of some sort, whether it be aggrieved women or cattle. Yes. Which in 1925 were the same thing. The man loved being chased. He did love it.

And there's just, what a spectacle because Cops has, you know, a stampede of cops. He loves stampedes, I feel like. That thing where the amount of creatures chasing him becomes so large it's almost abstract. It's not a few. Right. It's so much. You're right.

You can't count. The big chase. You can't count it. Yes. Yes. But he's also, he is such a good on-screen runner. Yes. I loved in, was it Go West?

Yeah, it is with the cops, when the cops are running, where he like, I don't know. I mean, like his timing is incredible, obviously, but like he falls behind and then he surges ahead and then he falls behind again. And you're like, that was all planned. How could you pull that off? It's incredible. His control is insane. He does everything while making it look like he's putting in

a minimum amount of effort, and he's unaware. And also, his shooting style is so unfussy, and especially when it comes to these big chase scenes, it really is impressive how much he just, like, holds the camera way back, doesn't cut, watches you. He's just this little

ant going. Right, yeah. I mean you. He's just this little ant going. Yeah. I mean, seven chances is all that we'll talk about. You know, he does little leaps. He does the tree. He does a lot of cool things. Blow my fucking mind. Because it looks like you're watching like a Super Mario speed run.

Yes, that's what it looks like. Where you're like, someone has just practiced the timing of this so perfectly that he just knows exactly when to jump and how to land without missing a beat. He's not dynamic in this sort of Tom Cruise way of like, oh, there are like pistons pumping inside this man. He's like a little cartoon thing that's going. That's like been wound up. It's a little sprite.

Yeah. You're right. He is good. Like his story for 1920s Hollywood is surprisingly... Well, that's Jamie's point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I was leaping back to Jamie's point Yes Yeah yeah yeah No no no I was leaping back to Jamie's point Right because you tell most people

From this time You gotta separate the art From the artist I like that you can go like I'm a fan of his work And his personal life And he seems like a good guy Yeah

Yeah I mean I think he was horny In a regular way Yeah And he divorced And he had Right affairs perhaps But like

He had a drinking problem But it Well sure I think he was more like The guy was a little haunted and he had, right, affairs perhaps, but like He had a drinking problem, but it I think he was more like the guy was a little haunted A little haunted, obviously he was a vaudeville child which is its own, like, you know, bizarre But, like, no accounts of him fucking perpetuating cycles

of abuse on other people Sure, he ran over several people in his jalopy, but you know, and then some, like knuckle-tested guy would be like, hey, nobody hears about this, okay? You know, or whatever. It's like a hundred years ago. It's not like I think there's suddenly going to be a fucking Sharon Waxman expose. We finally got a button.

Like if there was stuff that was horrible about him, it would have come out in the wash by now. I think so. Yeah. Yeah. Lovely tired man, Buster Keaton. Mr. Sleepy himself. He is so sleepy. Here's something I want to throw out. We announced the miniseries.

At the time we announced it, we had recorded the first couple episodes. A comment I saw a lot on Twitter and the like. Twitter, a great normal place. Which, I will say, was a shock to me. I had not

noticed until people pointed it out. No, a question that was thrown out a lot was, are you guys going to talk about how hot Buster is? I think we already did. But I think we need to talk about it more, because clearly there's demand. I'm so glad I'm here. I felt like you were possibly the right guest to get into this conversation. I would love to talk about this. Yes. Right.

Well, I guess I would be first curious of like, what do you feel is hot about Buster Keaton? I will say this. When I look at him, I'm like, I wish that's exactly how I look. You know, if I look at someone like Chris Evans, I'm just like, well, he's a different species than I am. There's no world in which I think I possibly look at him. The star of Ghosted? Do you know that movie exists?

I walked into the room and my wife was watching it. And I was almost scandalous. I was like, what are you doing? And she's like, I don't know. It came on. We built a life together. It's impossible for Ghosted to come on.

You have to choose it. In our marital bed, you're watching Ghosted? And I walked in and she was like, it's pretty bad. And I'm like, yeah,

it had that vibe. And Ryan Reynolds, I don't know if you know this, appears in the film in a sort of a cameo role. He kind of talks a lot. He never that vibe. And Ryan Reynolds, I don't know if you know this, appears in the film in a sort of a cameo role. He kind of talks a lot. He never does this. He talks real fast. He never does this.

Is he drinking some of his own alcohol by any chance? He may be, honestly. This fucking infuriating thing where every A-list star needs to make five cameos in the other A-list stars' movies and vice versa. But it's like the same 10. Exactly. To be like, well, we're all friends.

Right. And then just like, I wasn't worried about you not being friends. She was like, I'm like, oh God, Ryan Reynolds. He has like an eye patch and he's going like, and like, and she's like, yeah, you know, Anthony Mackie already showed up and Sebastian Stan. And I was just like, what are we doing here? Are you fucking kidding me? That's exhausting.

And then she, it just kept running and then Apple played all of Tetris. Like, and neither of us watched that. Apple is truly trying to be like, these movies are in households. The Russo had no direct involvement in Ghosted, right? I don't think so. But it feels like everyone is blaming them for it.

I was just sort of mad at them. Like, you did this. This is your fault one way or another. They helped create the problem that led to Ghosted. Yes. But the thing about Ghosted is it's directed by Dexter Fletcher. And I enjoyed Rocketman. He's a solid filmmaker.

Exactly. I got no beef with him. Wow, the director of Rocketman did Ghosted? And honestly, I like Chris Evans and Ana de Arma. They're fine. Am I going to watch Ghosted? Yeah, I think we should. Should we throw it on?

Should we turn this into a Ghosted episode? Ghosted live watch? Yeah. Isn't Tim Blake Nelson in it, too? He's the villain, I think. Of course, but this is the whole thing. It's like there's some sort of atmosphere of this movie cannot exist that just once they roll the cameras,

the charisma has to be sucked out of the room with like a vacuum. But your thing of like, why can no one make a comedy without guns in it? When that trailer came out, I was like, I'm kind of into this. So the premise of the movie

is just, they go on a date, she doesn't respond. Right. Chris Evans freaks out trying to find her. Right. Right?

And it's like, okay, he's not ghosted. It's just, he's flying across the world trying to find the woman who ghosted him.? And it's like, okay, so it's just, he's flying across the world trying to find the woman who ghosted him. And then it's like,

minute one, second 20 of trailer is, turns out she's a spy. Right. And that's why she ghosted him because she was undercover and now he's roped

into her mission. But that's two movies. Two different movies and I couldn't give less of a shit about the second one. My boys, Buster, Buster. So part of this, what I was trying to say here is like a projection thing where I'm like,

Buster feels like the glow up version of how I wish I looked within the realm of who I am. You know? I get that. Where I'm like, weak little skinny sad boy. I don't. With beautiful depth in, weak little skinny sad boy. I don't, yes. With beautiful depth in his eyes. That's what I, it's all the bag. As a man with heavy bags himself, I have heavy eye bags.

Same here. Yes, the sort of like the haunted eyes is what does it for me the most. Yeah. But then there's also just kind of something saucy about him, like very secretly. And like his movies are, you know, I don't know. His movies are cute. And he's always a...

They're flirty. He's always romantically... Exactly. There's always a lady. The central of the film. Yeah. And he's kind of, you know, he's kind of got something there. I saw Brendan Hines, friend of the show,

Passing Future Guests. He and I went this weekend to... They've been doing Harold Lloyd movies at Film Forum. you know, he's kind of got something there. I saw, uh, uh, Brendan Hines, friend of the show, passing future guests. He and I went this weekend to, they've been doing Harold Lloyd movies at film forum here in New York city. Um, Harold Lloyd was like an absurdly conventionally handsome man. He was like the Chris Evans star of ghosted of his day. Right. And it's a thing that's discussed where it's like,

he came up with like, he found dumb glasses and like would make sillier faces to try to make himself look less handsome. And Charlie Chaplin, the same fucking deal where he was like a pretty conventionally handsome guy and then was like to put on a little mustache and like wear shittier clothes and whatever. There's something interesting to the fact that Buster doesn't do anything to make himself look less attractive, but through sheer performance is able to sell that he is low status underdog in his movies. Whereas those other guys had this arrogance of like, no one would buy me as the butt of a joke.

I have to make myself look more like the common man. What do you think? There's something insecure about it. Oh, lady. Right. I mean, Buster. Yeah. Oh, right. I mean, Buster.

Yeah. I, I, I want to be Buster and be with Buster. There's a little bit of both. And I feel like that is part of his appeal because I genuinely wish I could do so much of what he can do. And it's just like, I would break.

Most people would break and die. Yes. Yes. Um, but also, I don't know. Which he did both. Let's acknowledge. He did both break and eventually die. But also, I don't know. Which he did both. Let's acknowledge.

Which is true. He did both break and eventually die. He broke and eventually died. Didn't he like break his neck at some point? And then they told him curiously. Okay. Yes. He didn't realize it.

God. He gets up and finishes the take and then finished the movie. That's like how Michelle Yeoh broke her back during Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and just never knew? Yes. Like, how could you? I don't know. It's wild shit.

It's wild shit. But yeah, but then I feel like Buster's really good at, like, the balance that he's striking as a romantic lead, where it's like, he's a plausible romantic lead, but he's not. It doesn't feel like in the way that when some comic actors are a romantic lead, it's in this weird self-conscious way. But it just feels like very natural the way that when some comic actors are a romantic lead, it's in this weird self-conscious way, but it just feels like very natural the way he does it. I really liked that in Seven Chances, the kiss is bad.

Yes. And like, he just, I don't know. It doesn't feel self-conscious in the way that he needs to like prove he's the quote unquote appropriate amount of hot to be a romantic lead. Like it just works. You totally get why women want to be with him.

You totally get why they don't. He's very good at seven chances, of course, has to navigate that perfectly. He's got a weird confidence, though. I think that's a key. Outside of that, I think he's got, like, just kind of a beautiful face, right? It is a very special face. He is very pretty. Right.

He's just very pretty. A beautiful. I love a long head. Yes. Yeah, he's got a long very special face. He is very pretty. Right. He's just got a beautiful... I love a long head. Yes. He's got a long flat head. Yeah. Big long head. There's a term JJ pulled up in the research in some Buster quote where he was describing his stone face, and one of the terms he used was a flat pan.

To describe his own face. He said, you know, my mug, my flat pan. I would make out with him. You would? I would. Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah.

But I'm just. But it's hard. This is the thing. I think I'd be nervous to have sex with him because I think there would be hijinks and I'd have to be involved. Like it would have to go wrong in some very elaborate, well done way. It wouldn't go right. I can guarantee you that. But this is another thing.

I think it's hard to imagine him having sex in a way that's kind of interesting. Where even you talk about making out with him, you're like, there's something oddly chaste about him. There's this quiet confidence to him that extends to the fact that, like, he's not needing to put on something of like, well, I'm going to play dorkier than I am.

He just kind of feels like he is. He's unreadable, Right. And there's just sort of this like stillness in this piece to him. He has this like, which makes sense because he's a vaudeville kid, but you're just like, he has this like homeschooled energy about him. Right. Where when I've noticed when people are homeschooled and hot, they know it, but in this way that is a little weird. Yes. They can't quite interact with you like a hot person

who went to public school. I don't know what I mean by that. Jamie. I feel like people are going to yell at me. No, but I know it's true. I completely understand

what you mean. I feel like you have a specific example in your head that you are thinking of that we don't know about. Yes. A name you changed in the screenplay.

Right. But I also just like, yeah, there's a difference between like knowing how to get, you know, at school, you got to be flirty. You got to be, you know, you're in this social scene, right? Yes. You know, and being homeschooled and like having to turn it on. Jamie, we will have talked about this in the first episode and sort of set in context of his career, but he was the first kid of like really middling vaudeville entertainers, right?

Who start working him into the act and he immediately is the star of the act and basically makes his father career. His father has a career finally because of Buster blowing up his act. Well, I'm sure that ends well. Absolutely. Yeah.

And they have two other children and those two children get to go to, like, nice private schools and have, like, fancy toys and stuff. And Buster is, like, the breadwinner for the family

who went to school one day in his entire life. No. And he wasn't even, like, homeschooled, really. He was just in a world with adults learning, like,

human behavior. Getting... I listened to an interview with Dana yesterday about, like, him getting i i listened to an interview with dana yesterday and about like him getting tossed into the crowd with like the handle on his jacket it's nuts nuts nuts stuff but like yeah it was just this thing of him like day in day out being like oh if i do this here it gets more of a laugh than if i wait here and i do it then yeah and it's like the weirdest homeschool possible exactly how do i get thrown correctly right how do i be the human mop for you know in a way that will make my family

money right but he has this like high level intelligence for like things that other people don't think about that is in his being right and by the time he's making movies and like you know he's 27 in these two films which is ridiculous ridiculous i was like wow why can't 27 year olds look that tired anymore i know the tired thing and that is also ultimately it's just very sexy to be tired i and i would like for people to really that's gotta catch on i think you're you're talking to you're preaching the choir This is a room of people who try to own looking tired all the time Because we've learned that you cannot You can't fight it

No, I can't untire myself You're just gonna get sleepier Yes Yeah No, I love to be sleepy And so maybe that's why, yeah Maybe I sort of prefer Buster to these other guys Because he's haunted

Yeah In a way that feels like he's not trying to win my affection. And thus he gets even more of it. Ben and I were having this conversation after we saw Sherlock Junior. While you were eating your freaking hot dogs? Eating our frankfurters. No ketchup. Interesting.

I would have done ketchup and mustard, personally. I don't know. I think we're similar. I mix it up. I go with the mood at the moment. Sure. I'm versed when it comes to dogs. I'm pretty versed. Were they water dogs or grill dogs?

If it's Nathan's, I would think they'd be on a grill. I think they're grill dogs. Yeah, that's why you go to the Nathan's cart as opposed to the... I don't mind a water dog. I like a water dog. I don't either, but that was not the choice we made on that day. No, but given the choice, I'm going grill. Yes, me too.

But Ben, we were eating our frankfurters, and Ben was just going like, what's his deal? Yeah, I guess I kind of was like that. You were like, can you explain to me, what does Buster Keaton think? And in a way where you were like, I've been watching these movies, I'm getting into them, I think he's really funny,

but what is this comedic persona? I can't explain it. Yeah, it's not really clearly definable though it is at the same time right but it just feels like an amalgamation of a lot of stuff right but part of it is like here's this guy who's like constantly like under the boot of society right who also always seems like he's maybe halfway towards falling asleep right in like very high stakes very high danger situations that he somehow always comes out of perfectly he mr magoo's his way out of everything yeah yeah

can't react to it in this cool way i don't know that's no that's what's that you're right he never he never celebrates the triumphs either he's just like he just keeps walking yes i love him so much oh man i'm just the more we talk about him the more i love him like i agree because there's like a million you know like people who try to train but it's like the only way you can be this kind of person is to be thrown around by your father a hundred years ago like it just can't really happen anymore that's the thing dressed as a like a irish person person stereotype buster keaton dressed as an irish person stereotype have you seen Buster Keaton dressed as an Irish person I saw the picture

of him as a kid like as a little old man the little bald boy that is apparently an Irish stereotype that was the stereotype Jamie that was my reaction too

I was like I don't get why this is an Irishman but it is you guys have seen this already obviously someone's gonna Photoshop that picture

with the Irishman and Martin Scorsese picture. They should do that. They should Photoshop you into it. Maybe I'll Photoshop my daughter into it. I mean, there's just a lot to be done with it. Yeah, that's a great Halloween costume for your daughter. David, that's what your daughter should dress up for Halloween next year.

She's an Irishman. What are you talking about? It's actually really offensive. This would be very offensive in the 1900s little buster little buster but that's that's the other part of it is just like the fact that he doesn't feel the need to show off right yeah that it feels like he's constantly like trying to be modest in his work and even the way he frames his stunts are so unshow off he like as a director and he doesn't have that satisfaction of the moment of like i killed that you know right he never has that look to the audience where he's like look at me he's kind of high status low status switches between both of them like seamlessly it's really wild

i feel like that happens a lot in seven Chances. Seven Chances is right. Yeah. He's, like, back and forth every two seconds. But it always makes sense. I don't know. It does. Yeah, no, you're right. I think Seven Chances is amazing.

I like it much better. Okay, so what's interesting— I know he doesn't like it. He hated it. And we'll talk about this. Yes, he was very down on Seven Chances. He was like, it's my first bad picture. He's wrong.

Where he was never— He is wrong. Yeah. But of the ones, like, we've my first bad picture. He is wrong. He is a stinker. He is wrong. Yeah. But of the ones, like, we've watched so far for the pod. So we've only watched four mains so far for the pod. Sure. It's my favorite. Really?

Of the four we've watched so far. Okay. Yes. Well, Sherlock Jr. will have been the episode before this. It's not counting things like that. Undeniable. It is a bit undeniable. Wait, let's talk about Seven Chances a little bit.

Okay. Buster Keaton. He signed a contract and he delivered four movies. You know, the first four movies. Three Ages, Our Hospitality,

Sherlock. But then Sherlock Jr. and especially The Navigator are fucking humongous. The Navigator blows up. That was bigger than Sherlock Jr.? I believe that was his biggest film. Yeah, at least at the time.

Yeah. And so he signs another deal to do six more movies. He's going to make $27,000 per movie, which is about $1,000 a week. Yeah. Okay, that sounds good. Nice work if you can get it. And he's making like two pictures a year, right?

Exactly. And it basically keeps him independent all the way through like Steamboat Bill Jr. And Joe Skank, as you mentioned, Griff, mostly had left him alone. But Seven Chances is the only one he forces on him. Yeah, this is the thing, Griff. Sherlock Jr. had actually somewhat disappointed.

And The Navigator does do well, but it costs a lot of money. So there was some anxiety over that. Sure. Maybe we need to rein him in a little bit. Right. Maybe that's why this is the moment where Joe Skink has a little,

that's his producer, has a little leverage on him. I do also think there's this point where you look at a lot of, like, comedy A-listers, right? They start out their career where it's like you find the right collaborators, you're generating your own material, here are the characters you've been dying to do. And then a lot of these guys at a certain point when they get really big throttle into a point where they're like, I don't know,

could I do like a modern version of this? What's like a hit that I can adapt? What's a thing I can option? Right. You know, you start slotting yourself in where Sandler's like let me just like remake Mr. Deeds or let me find like a spec script that's floating around have my guys rewrite it to fit my personality more yeah but and if you're Eddie Murphy why not just remake Dr. Doolittle right why not and I liked it better yeah the way he did it it is better it is Wait, is that indisputable that Eddie Murphy's Dr. Dolittle is better than Rex Harrison's Dr. Dolittle? I think it almost has to be.

Right? Because Rex Harrison's one is bad. Bad. It's bad and long. It's long. It's boring. It's the longest movie ever made. Right.

And obviously Robert Downey Jr. came for the throne and missed. So that's resolved. I loved watching him try to come for the throne, though. It was thrilling. I've seen that movie twice. I was telling David, I'd been on a bit of an Eddie kick, and I rewatched Dr. Dolittle 1,

and I was like, God, it's such a slam-dunk premise to just be like, his name's Dolittle, and he talks to animals. Why has no one tried to do this since Eddie Murphy? And then I remembered, oh, the biggest movie star tried to do it two years ago. It was the most colossal atomic disaster. Oh, it looked like shit. And it felt like shit to watch. But that's the thing with the Eddie Murphy movie.

It did feel like shit to watch. It felt like shit to watch. The Eddie Murphy movie is pretty good. Norm is the dog. Yes. Chris Rock is the hamster. It's a guinea pig. It's the length of a Buster Keaton feature.

It is truly like 65 minutes long before credits. You don't need much more. It basically has no plot. And it's like, all you need from this movie is just he talks to animals. The animals talk to him. They have funny voices.

Get ringers in. Fucking Ellen DeGeneres and Albert Brooks and whoever. He is a doctor, though. Yeah, of course. Well, like, he's like a real doctor. He's like a doctor with a stethoscope. Yes.

Whereas I feel like, classically, Dr. Dolittle is more of a PhD doctor, right? The plot of that film... More of a call me doctor. And you're like, yeah, okay. Doctor Dolittle. Insofar as there is a plot, the plot of that film is that he has a private practice with... I want to say Oliver Platt? Richard Schiff?

Yes. I've seen this movie a lot. And Peter Boyle is thinking about acquiring them? He's going to buy them. There's, like, a business plot. Right. And he talked to animals as a kid. His dad, Ozzie Davisis thought he was insane brought him

to a therapist who like i don't know hypnotized him trained him out of it right yeah and then he gets into a car crash and suddenly the voices come back to him and oliver platt and richard schiffer like keep it together for five more days and he's like, I gotta do brain surgery on this tiger. And that's the entire plot of the movie is just he wants to perform surgery on this tiger and they want him to not embarrass him.

Who plays the tiger? Albert Brooks. I'm a tiger. I need brain surgery. I don't think I knew who all the famous people in that movie were the last time I saw this movie.

I gotta go back. I feel the same. Every boy. It's like just wall-to-wall stunt casting. I gotta go back. I feel the same. It's like just wall-to-wall stunt casting. I feel like, well, which is necessary. I think Gary Shandling's a pigeon. It's like fucking everyone. John Leguizamo's a rat.

Oh, and then I remember because the daughters were Raven and then the girl who played Penny Proud on The Proud Family, Kyla Pratt. Yes. That was what was interesting to me at the time. And also just famous guy talking to

animals. It works. And there was like a moment there where it was like dad's getting into accidents was a pretty normal part of movies because I was

thinking of Jack Frost as well. Well, yeah. It's like Michael Keaton dies in a car accident. He does die, but it's okay because he gets

turned into a snowman that looks like George Clooney. It's perfect. Everything works out fine. I love that. Do we love that? Is that movie depressing? That movie's depressing.

Paul Tompkins is in the beginning of that movie. That's true. Who does he play? It was directed by Jimmy Miller who did a lot of Mr. Show. Yes. I asked him about it once and he I'll send it to you. I asked for a full... he gave me so much information. Please send it to me.

It's like a 12 tweet thread. You know about the George Clooney thing though, right? The snowman looks like George Clooney because George Clooney was supposed to be in the movie. I just always have to bring it up. That movie was meant for George Clooney. It took him a really long time to build the thing. And he saw the model and he was like, I think this is going to be a career killer. And it was like right after Batman and Robin.

Like, right? That is George Clooney's face. Oh my God, that is George Clooney's face. It's it was like, right after Batman and Robin. Like, right? That is George Clooney's face. Oh my God, that is George Clooney's face. It's George Clooney's face on the snowman. This is the thing. They understood the assignment in a way. That's perfect. But it's like...

But he correctly saw that and was like, oh my God. George Clooney quit. The movie was so far along. They had built the snowman and they were like, who is a leading man who looks a little bit like the snowman?

And they laid it on Michael Keaton. I love the idea of them just holding up headshots being like, uh. But it was like a train they couldn't stop. They were like, someone has to. The thing's been built. It's just weird that it kind of does look like George Clooney. Yes. So strange.

It's like a perfect caricature of George Clooney. But I could, I mean, if I saw a snowman that looked too much like me, I would also want to not be anywhere near it. Don't do it. Don't show that to me. It's like an uncanny valley thing. Like the fact that you're revolting against it means that there's some survival mechanism that's working. Oh my God.

But this is, yes, these types of movies we're talking about are the things that get thrown at someone when they're like a proven A-list comedy star and they maybe don't want to have to like get in the trenches and generate their own material anymore. Right?

And Nick Skank, Joe Skank, comes to him and basically is like, here you go, here's an alley-oop. Here's a farce that's killing it on Broadway.

Right. I brought it to you with a simple premise. Let's plot, slot you in it as the leading man and and keaton called it the kind the type of unbelievable farce i don't like which is uh i guess he just thinks it's too high concept maybe the whole like he's gonna get married today or else he's gonna lose all the money well i guess which to me great bit incredible. Incredible setup. I thought it was so goofy. Yeah.

But you compare this to Go West where the setup is, he decides to go west and gets a cow. That's his dream setup for a movie is, I don't know, give me one thing. Yeah. Give me a place. But the thing with Go West, which we will talk about. Yes.

Is, right, the plot sounds like it's like a guy goes west. Yeah. But then like 10 minutes in, it's like a guy goes west yeah but then like 10 minutes and it's like the guy's gonna fall in love with a cow okay that's secret that's what this is about

right this is too him it's him and the cow I prefer the love story and go west to the love story in Seven Chances but I like Seven Chances better

I like Seven Chances better but yes I mean she should she should not give him the time of day no and I am annoyed at him in the end of the movie

of course I loved her letter though her letter to him is so funny where I was like She should not give him the time of day. No. And I am annoyed at him in the end of the movie. Of course. I loved her letter, though. Her letter to him is so funny where I was like, I should end all my texts to guys like just moving forward. P.S. I think I will be home all day. Like, that's like, yeah, that's usually true. Set your own time. Right. Just come knock on my door.

So my theory is I think why he hated this so much. He hated this as a piece of material, and he hated even how it turned out at the end. Talking about the peculiarities of his persona, especially as a romantic lead. This is like, this is a movie where

this character is driving the machinations of the plot. Whereas most Buster Keaton movies are, a movie happens to him accidentally. Right? This is a movie where... He's just trying to be normal and things keep being not normal.

Right. Yeah, that makes sense. I think it felt like anathema to him. Of like, my whole thing is that I'm just standing at the center of a storm and I'm reacting to stuff. And then I move to the next storm. Whereas this guy has to like plot.

And it's like the things are set in motion and he's the one who's like, here's what I need to do. And there's like an innate level of dishonesty of him trying to pick up these women, which he talks a lot about like, he thought it was the death of comedy to worry about whether you were sympathetic or not.

But I do think he had some central metronome without ever intellectualizing it of what makes me a character that audiences will like root for. And I think he felt to some degree this breaking of like, this guy's kind of a cad. Yeah. If you read the plot aloud he sounds like a cat I think Keaton gets how to make him not feel like a cat he does he does he does a good job

but you can you get why he would dislike this movie because it feels like it's going against everything he had spent decades on it it definitely doesn't feel like any other Buster Keaton movie that I've seen but that's kind of why I liked it I was like oh I wouldn't expect him to see him

in something that was like farce feeling. No. Right. And he's playing like sort of, I don't know, in some of his other features, you get him like pretending to be a rich person, you know, or like a sort of smooth operator for moments. This, he's more like kind of that guy.

And then he's slowly being broken down. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I thought it worked. I liked it a lot. It's such a good premise. Just say he's got a business partner.

Their firm is like going under. They're not only like bankrupt, but they might even go to jail. It's perfectly vague. Yes. There's just like something bad happened. Money soon or else. Right. Consequences are unimaginably bad.

They think they're being chased by a lawyer who's coming to like collect someone who wants to break their kneecaps or something. Yes. Played by Snits Edwards. This guy. That guy. What a face this guy has got. What a name. His name by Snits Edwards. This guy. That guy. What a face this guy has got.

What a name. His name is Snits Edwards. Let me just remind you, his name is Snits Edwards. Yes, a Hungarian Jewish performer who had become a big Broadway star in the turn of the century. I mean, talk about us not having enough

modern movie stars who look tired. We don't have enough guys like this lighting up Broadway. He's in three busters, so we will talk about Snits Edwards again probably. He looks like Spax. Snits is best. And let's make it clear. This isn't ghosted

too, but I thought it felt It was forced. It was just a pop. It was a cameo pop. This is a pro-Snits podcast. We should make very clear. Oh, I'm a Snit fan. Yes. Absolute Snit fan. Every time they cut to Snits, I was laughing.

His reaction shots are so funny. But that's the other thing. Like, at times, Snits is almost occupying the classic buster role. The longer the movie goes on. His face is doing so. He's what apparently is referred to as a homely face. Okay. You know, performer.

Uh-huh. Like, where it's just like, you know, just one look at this guy's face is going to get, likeely face You know performer Like where it's just like you know Just one look at this guy's face is gonna get Like the whole theater laughing If you just like if a lady like looks at him And he's just like Then like the whole theater is gonna lose it I smiled

Yes every time Okay so yes so he needs He finds out from his lawyer Snits That he must marry Snits is the executor of his grandfather's estate. And if he marries by 7 p.m. on his 27th birthday, which happens to be this day... Yes. He will inherit $7 million.

Seven. That's like a lot of money. Seven. In 1925 money. Cumult. Yeah. He'd be fucking Nelson Rockefeller. Sure.

He'd be Nelson Rockefeller, theeller the uh not yet born later to be vice president okay he'd probably been born actually who is the richest person in 1918 you know but this movie this movie is what 24 25 25 let's find out who's the richest henry ford was the richest person alive i love that I could Google that That's so fast Who was the richest person in 1925 And it was Henry Ford A cool chill guy Made everything better Felt good about all people

Great legacy So he does have a girlfriend He does A sweetheart Gotta bring that term back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I think the beginning of this movie

is in color, too. Yeah, so I Very briefly. I should address that. Right. Buster wanted to make the whole movie in Technicolor. Basically because he hated

this thing so much that he was like At least that'll be interesting. If I do it in color that's a technical experiment. But because of the way he made movies where he would shoot

so much film and then cut out Just you know cut it down to the bone It was too expensive So they only did it for the prologue And when I threw this movie on I was like did some weirdo colorize this movie Yes

I had that reaction And then realized nope this isn't It's some Tumblr freak Hand paint a Buster Keaton movie i have fallen down this rabbit hole there's this weird community of people on youtube who do ai upscale 4k colorized 60 frames per second busters too many words they are disgusting they must be very unsettling yes they look ugly horrendous yeah because it's like ai automatic coloring so it's right so it's like off and it's like it can't keep up with the speed he's moving right you know so it like knows like

well his pants are a different shade than his face i like that bus and it's trying to track them in real time yes no the robots cannot fucking keep up with him. Much like all of his potential brides. Yes. Right. This is the thing, I'm just pulling up JJ's dossier, so I have the specific name here. But there was the other director hired first to do the film. Yes, it was the other director's name, of course, was John McDermott. Who wrote the play, right?

Yes. Am I right about this? No but he maybe directed the play I think Okay Roy McGuire Yes Or McGrew or something wrote the play But John McDermott

Had been involved And Buster This was him trying to rein Buster in Here's material I'm bringing to you Here's a director Just plug in as the actor Right And Buster had no interest in doing that

And after a week of filming McD McDermott leaves and says, you are the star and the producer. Your version will be the one you used. You're wasting thousands of dollars having me on this picture. Yeah. Which is probably just what Buster wanted. Probably. Buster told a version of the story that was basically disputed by everyone else

where he was wasting so much money on the film that they fired him. But it sounds like McDermott... He refers to McDermott as a local screwball. Another great term. And he says, right, that he was the one wasting money because he was, like, you know, hiring extra writers and making fancy sets, and he got fired.

But for the record, almost all Buster Keaton biographers do not believe his story. Now, pure conjecture on my part, but McDermott did shoot, he shot like one week, including the whole opening color section, which is pretty technically complicated

with the transitions with the car and everything. Right, it's got the whole thing with the car. Right. I like the car transitions. Oh, it's very cool and was something that was like orchestrated by Buster,

planned out this whole gag on a technical level, but this other guy had to direct, it does almost feel like maybe Buster made the first week of filming as complicated, as humanly possible. Right, to like break this guy. Where it's like, well, this is the one section we'll shoot in color.

And it's like a very complicated technical thing where the car has to keep on landing at the exact same space to have this guy be like, you know what? Fuck it. Whatever. Go off. Do your movie. Now.

That sounds so fun to like, if you know you're going to be successful, but you have one week to be a little stinker and break this person's spirit. Right. Oh, man. I wish I was meaner. That sounds so fun. They're not going to shut the movie down. Like there's a there's an audience for Buster movies.

He's got to deliver to a year. He thought he could put this thing on the fucking rails. No. No. Now, Buster wanted Marian Nixon to play his sweetheart. The character's name is Mary. But she was busy filming a movie called Letter Buck. I just had to say that out loud.

Can I just throw out... I just love the name of these old silent movies. Oh, Letter Buck. I hope it shows up again in the box office. Two for Letter Buck, please. You know, we're... Sorry, which was a Western starring someone called Hoot Gibson. Hoot Gibson in Letter Buck? Yes. A rodeo champion

who transitioned to silent movies. I just love back in the day where they were like, I don't know what movies are going to be. Maybe rodeo stars should be in charge, right? You know? Do you think people responded to that the same way we do now where they were like, I don't know what movies are going to be. Maybe rodeo stars should be in charge. Right. You know, do you think people responded to that the same way we do now where it's like, did you see this fucking Paramount Plus movie starring a tick tock star? Right. That's our rodeo clown.

That's our Hoot Gibson. Hoot Gibson. Obviously, culturally, where there's an ongoing conversation where we're reexamining things, especially as they pertain to gender roles and such, right? Okay. And you feel like increasingly people are trying to phase out boyfriend and girlfriend, these gender terms. I've always had a problem with partner

because it feels so formal. Feels too businesslike. It sounds like you have an S-corp. Exactly. And I'm just realizing everyone should call everyone a sweetheart. My sweetheart. My a sweetheart My sweetheart My sweetheart

My sweetheart That's nice That's fucking gender neutral Don't yell at me David I don't care what you do Call your wife your sweetheart No

No thank you I do I had someone who called me Their partner once And I was like That's gotta stop Yeah That's gotta stop

I like the intention behind it Yeah But it's chilly. It either feels like. It feels. And not for everybody. If a partner worked for you, great. Absolutely.

For me, it felt very businesslike. Yes. It felt like we're splitting every bill and it freaked me out. Right. Some people try lover, but I always find that somewhat obnoxious. Well, that's a little. That's too much. You're telling me too much.

And significant other is a little too long. You want something a little snappier. Yeah, when you're saying significant other, now it feels like you're being euphemistic. My significant... I'm like, all right, all right. I like sweetheart. Fine.

You go find yourself a new sweetheart. Buster's got a sweetheart at the beginning of this one. Troll Tinder for sweethearts. I will. Looking for a sweetheart. Looking for a sweetheart. Just a Buster looking for a sweetheart. That's a very chilling

Tinder description. Yes. I agree. That would make me throw my phone in the ocean. Ruth Dwyer is the lady who plays Mary.

Okay. She had a long career. Yeah, she like had a talent agency later. Yes. They operated the Ruth Dwyer agency in San Francisco. I san francisco because she married

a talent agent called william jackie but uh yeah she's good i mean it we do mostly find in these buster movies the the female roles are limited like that they you know like it's hard for harder for them to pop we're gonna get to it but it is kind of a damning thing where you're like, Brown Eyes is probably the best screen partner he's ever had in any of his movies. No. Brown Eyes is crazy. In performance,

in amount of screen time given, narrative agency. Not a dig to Brown Eyes at all. No, Brown Eyes is great, but you're like, there is no female co-star who is so lovingly, like, sort of...

Buster Keaton is so much nicer to brown eyes than he is to any other woman he encountered right you're like this is his most romantic film it is and i think that it's i mean the chemistry is clearly undeniable it's beautiful once again this isn't backhanded you're like it says a lot about how good their dynamic is but yes this is sort of the more off the rack right she's and, she doesn't get to do anything fun in this movie, I feel like. Because all the action does not involve her. Right. Buster makes this movie.

He thinks it's a disaster. Yes. And they, you know, he didn't like the climax. Insane. Well, he felt like he didn't have an ending. Right. Oh. I disagree. This movie is basically... I don't know why he didn't like it

This movie is basically 40% climax It's like 60% set up for the climax Which is one of the most incredible sustained set pieces The climax is amazing But I like that it's also bifurcated That he's showing you all this very subtle little humor That he can do in the first half All the little comedy and manners stuff And then yeah you just blow it out for the last part you get 500

ladies and bridal fails right chasing him off a cliff this was the whole selling point of this movie like that was sold as if it was like tom cruise tying himself to the plane right where it's like you're gonna see 500 women chase buster keaton at the end of this film like everyone knows what they're buying it is literally 500 women they hired 500 women throw me in there it's like you're going to see 500 women chase Buster Keaton at the end of this film. Like everyone knows what they're buying. It is literally 500 women. They hired 500 women. Throw me in there. It's absurd.

That is, I mean, it is, I feel like, I think you're totally right, Griffin, that it's like he's not the guy who does stuff. He's the guy who stuff happens to. Right. But it's like he can still do it. I feel like it shows some like range you don't see in other movies.

But it is telling that like, it feels like the second half of the movie, he's shaken off all the requirements of the source material, and now he's, like, extended chase sequence in which I no longer have any agency and everyone is just doing stuff to me. Chasing me.

Nature is turning on me, and I'm just trying to survive. I wonder how much the script changed from the, I mean, I'm assuming considerably, from the stage, because he blows through all, like, seven chances in the space of, like, two minutes.

I thought the whole premise, because that's the whole thing. The guy's like, alright, well, let's go to the country club. Who do you know here? Let's set up. So he goes after the thing is thrown to him, and it's like, well, great, I got a sweetheart. I'll propose to her. And then when she realizes, oh, he's doing this just because of... He clumsily is sort of like... And this is great. What a sweetheart. I'll propose to her. And then when she realizes, oh, he's doing this just because of.

He clumsily is sort of like. And this is great. What a relief. I have to marry someone today. It might as well be you. Some fun underlining on the title cards. Yes. Like, I get it.

I get it. He saps all the romance out of the situation with someone who would love to marry him and in the process becomes totally turned off by him. Right. And so he goes with his partner and his new lawyer friend

with the world's most sour puss to a country club. Yes. And his partner identifies. His partner's just like, who do you know? Write it down. Right.

And he writes down seven names. There's seven women. So he's like, you got seven chances. Yes. So I, like Jamie, figured, right, that's the rest of the movie. The structure of the movie.

Scott Pilgrim style. Exactly. Seven courtships and they'll all go Elaborately wrong Each eight minutes A new chance He just whiffs All of them

Yeah In a row Yes And then In various funny ways But then I also love That even the hat check girl Is like

Forget it You know like Even he tries anything This hat check girl Is fucking striking Yeah she's hot She's beautiful I was like

What's Her vibe is fascinating Aside from the fact That she's beautiful. I was like, what's her vibe is fascinating. Aside from the fact that she's like beautiful. You're also like, she's not giving a comedy performance. She just seems like some cool, mean, tall lady. I mean, I believe her name is Eugenia Gilbert. Yeah. I want to point out the fifth chance is Barteen Burkett.

Okay. Who is his romantic interest in The High Sign, his short film. Yes. And another one is, I forget which one is, Fadi Arbuckle's wife. Roscoe's wife, yes. Roscoe Arbuckle's wife. Yes, no, I know, you're right. Doris, or fiancé, I should say.

Doris Dean. Yes. Who is the second chance. Gene Arthur is also the receptionist at the country club. The, you know Great Frank Capra star You know what I mean a million different things But he blows through the seven chances so quickly

And then basically he gives you a bonus seven Where the guy is so desperate that he's just Throwing like swings anywhere He can I loved that sequence I thought it was great Oh it's so funny This is yeah I kind of love this almost as much as the avalanche And all that stuff

And I feel like that's part of what What makes Buster Keaton so fun Is like he'll just let someone Like laugh in his face That's great Most movie stars will not let you laugh in their face Without some sort of like Protective infrastructure

Yes He can be completely next He's got no ego let you laugh in their face without some sort of like protective infrastructure. Yes. Yeah, he can be completely next. He's got no ego and his partner, see this is the problem with saying partner in a romantic situation is I'm like, this guy is a partner. His partner, literally the name of the character is his partner. Thomas Barnes, Troy Barnes. I got confused

when I looked at that on the Wikipedia. I was like, wait, what were they, were they using that then? His partner and his sweetheart? Yeah, his partner. Yes. I do love that on the Wikipedia, I was like, wait, what were they? Were they using that then? His partner and his sweetheart? Yeah, his partner. Yes. I do love that these movies, the character names are just like our hero, her dad. Friendless. Yes.

Well, friendless, one of the all-time great character names. But there's that scene where he's like, Jesus Christ, this isn't so fucking hard. Let me show you. And his partner goes over to like try to propose to a woman and she immediately is in. Right. And then he's like, no, not for me,

for my friend. And then he points to old Snits. Yeah. Who gives the look. Who wiggles the eyebrows. I cheered. Yes. Oh, it's...

I cheered too. Great. That's the other thing. Snits is like just doing his job. I need to track down this grandson and like tell him the terms of the inheritance, right? But then he just stays. He gets so roped in.

He becomes the third like friend, right? Right. And Snits is now just like, can I get the runoff? Right. I want that for Snits. Right. Snits basically hopes that the first chance will go well

so he has a shot with the remaining six chances if this was like an eight reeler and not a six reeler i think snits would get a lady or whatever there'd be some subplots yeah snits's character and it would be like i don't know snits's character is pervert coded uh but in a way that i found delightful in the 20s way of like you know what am i supposed to do about this guy he's a real ankle starer this is oh that's our snit this is a movie i very faintly remember because i saw it on plane over 20 years ago when it came out but you guys know this was remade as a new line rom-com with chris o'donnell and renee zellweger? No. Called The Bachelor? Yes, I remember The Bachelor, of course.

It is a direct remake. It is credited as such. Because it has him being chased by all the ladies. It's the same premise. Yes. If he doesn't get married... It's the exact same premise. Oh, my God.

Oh, let me find a poster for you. I believe Artie Lang plays the snitch role. No. Is my memory. That's brutal. Wait, let's see. What year would that have been? It's 1999

As the century ended Chris O'Donnell stepped into the role of the Bachelor I can tell you that Artie Lang plays a character called Marco Okay And that Ed Asner plays a character called Sid Gluckman I think he's the grandfather Possibly Mariah Carey also appears to be in this film

Interesting My memory is that there is a deathbed scene Which Ed Asner says to him Is his final words I will give you this amount of money if you marry someone You have to be the bachelor Yeah And so Renee is his girlfriend

His sweetheart But the poster is They similarly advertise this movie as He's trying to Buster keaton with his head an insane choice really taking a big swing on chris o'donnell this is the thing with chris o'donnell yeah anytime he was put in a movie yeah after batman you're kind of like what were they thinking and i'm like well what's he supposed to do the poor bland glass of milk it looks nice right now he's on season 800 of NCIS Los Angeles.

He's doing great. He's found his spot. But it's just so funny in that era to not be like, we should remake this with Jim Carrey. Right.

We should remake this with Ben Stiller. You would think that Jim Carrey, but Jim Carrey probably was smart enough to be like, I don't need to do a Buster Keaton remake. Like, that's cursed territory.

To do it with someone who's like... That's looking into the snowman behavior. Yes. To do it with someone who's like... That's looking into the snowman behavior. Yes. To do it with someone who's more of a romantic lead than a comedy lead

was a bizarre choice. And my memory was also like that was sort of... Renee had been kind of quiet post-Jerry Maguire and that was sort of her comeback movie. Yeah, Marco...

I'm trying to figure out who Marco Ardy Lang's character is. Yeah. It looks like he's just kind of the friend or whatever. He's the sidekick. But as in Seven Chances, after he strikes out with everyone, they put an ad in the paper basically saying,

if you marry this man by seven o'clock, you will be a millionaire. You will share in his fortune. And so show up to the church in bridal wear. if you marry this man by 7 o'clock, you will be a millionaire. You will share in his fortune. And so show up to the church in bridal wear, which honestly is not necessary. One does not need to wear a veil to get married. No, it makes for a good visual. And also maybe remember how frequently newspapers were published.

Evening edition. Yeah. Absolutely right. Evening edition. They've got full copy i read the whole article all he needs is a bride i just i mean and then i learned what his grandfather's name was it was jabez shannon well wow jabez okay can we go through some of just before we get on to the chase some of the the quick rejection gags at the country club.

Because we were talking about... Jamie, were you a Mad Magazine person? I was a light Mad Magazine person. I didn't have a lot of access to them. This is obviously post-Buster, and I have to imagine it was some influence, but Sergio Argonaz, the great cartoonist, one of the all-time great...

No, he's still alive! Al Jaffe just died, one of the all-time great. No, he's still alive. Oh, he's the one. Who just died? Al Jaffe just died. He of the fold. Sergio Argonaz is one of those guys where you're like, how is he still alive? He's still alive. He's 85 years old.

Yes. Wow, good for him. But he used to do these, it would be called like a mad look at. And it was his style, which was so beautiful. And it would be like three panel strips of like a mad look at the dmv and they would never have word bubbles and so it would all be this kind of like behavioral physical comedy of some misunderstanding of like a basic everyday

situation that people understand and i feel like this sequence is a lot of that because you're not doing like buster stunts and gags you're doing like him following the woman up the staircase immediately walking back down you're doing him going in the phone booth and coming out and saying like wrong caller you know there's the great gag where he like saddles up next to the woman

reading the newspaper and then she folds the newspaper down you see she has the baby what's the I mean you You see she has the baby. What's the, I mean, you obviously end it with the gag where he feels like he's finally found a bride and he finds out she's a little girl. Which was such like a weird Clara Bow moment

where you're like, oh yeah, this 24-year-old woman is of course 11. But I think it's almost, it's kind of funny as a commentary on like, A, a lot of these other stars are not funny. I was like, man, who does he think he is? Charlie Chaplin. Even at that time, a hundred years ago,

Work the bag, Jamie. A lot of these girls were kind of like infantilized. Yeah, sure. You know, you have like little cutie doll bow in your hair. Baby face with the bow. Right, the whole thing is, oh, it's like a 22-year-old who acts like who acts like an 11 year old where to call it out is kind of funny to me even if the gag is a little uncomfortable no but it's it's a comfortable from the right side of the self-aware enough yeah when they handed her i mean unless i was like misunderstanding the self-awareness of it

when they handed her like the baby doll i was like this is clearly an adult woman. Yes. Yes. I liked it. Yeah, they still do that over in the CW. Yes. Make 30-year-old women act like little babies. Absolutely. Yeah. Yes. And I'll watch it.

Yeah. You know, The Bachelor still exists, of course. Yes. Not Chris O'Donnell. What if you made Chris O'Donnell The Bachelor, though? They should do it. As a callback. Yeah. Okay.

They put the ad in the newspaper. And also, of course, parallel to all this, Mary has been sort of persuaded to reconsider and written a note agreeing to marrying Jimmy. By her mom. I was trying to like, I mean, I guess I was just like really clinging to this scene because I was like, ooh, let's see what happens

between the mother and daughter. But I wasn't clear on whether the mother was like, oh, you should give him another chance because she should. Or because she wanted $7 million. I would prefer an evil mom. I think it's the former. I think the mom is like, you guys just need to talk to her. You know, she's stressing communication, right? She's like, look, he was weird.

It's fine. I don't think she's after the money. But this is the thing I... After her daughter's happiness. A thing that I think this movie taps into in a good way is like, as someone who has spent the majority of the last four years being violently single,

the thing that people, such as the people who co-host and produce your podcast, say to you all the time is just like, well, it happens when you're not looking for it, right? Oh, kill me. Yeah, right. You get stuck in this catch 22 where you're like,

I would like to not be single. And it's like, well, when you're putting that out there, people aren't into it, right? So it's like this guy has a girlfriend. The second he's like, I need to get married. He totally turns her off. The second there's like this desperation, he cannot get anyone to give him time of day.

He's just like radioactive. I can relate with spontaneously breaking up with someone because they emphasized the wrong word in a sentence. So I do see where Mary's coming from. The underline was placed incorrectly. He hit the sum all wrong.

But it could have been a discussion. I do like that like in his seven chances his strikeouts it's less like he's fucking up really hard and more like no one wants to touch him and there's the great bit at the end where when he thinks he's finally like panned out with the woman who turns out to be the little girl the other seven women have all ganged together and are just watching him fail and like applauding. They've become friends through hating him.

He really should have, I guess he only has the day to do it, but he really should have like taken a walk around the block or something. Not to a second location. Yeah, yeah. It is such a fun nightmare scenario

to watch play out for. And he's so good at like being humiliated for a second, but then just walking out of the scene and continuing to do the thing. Not realizing that he's basically becoming like West Elm Caleb or whatever his name was in real time. Oh my God. They're all sharing notes, you know? Yeah. Meanwhile, everyone who has laughed at him has started a union in the last 45 minutes. Yes. And they're like marching for like, it's just, it was such a fun sequence and i'm like i have to assume that is

the entire play yeah squeezed into 10 minutes i i think basically yes certainly the play did not have an avalanche sequence no and that's a shame it should have they should have funny to think about every night just caved in the ceiling or something it's so funny to think about like buying plays in particular. Like, I understand they were adapting, like, great works of literature in the silent era. But to be like, here's a hit farce from Broadway. These things that are so dialogue-based, right?

And you're like, now you're going to, like, translate into a medium where you have to cut the dialogue down to a minimum. I feel like this movie has more intertitles than most of his features for that reason. And then he's basically like, let me do like an abridged version of the plot for like 30 minutes

and then let me do some Buster Keaton shit. Right. But initially, they couldn't figure out any good chase gags, apparently. They faded on the chase. Yes. Like in the middle of it. Yes.

The first test screening, apparently the audience was also not really that into it but the audience did laugh during a point where a few rocks dislodged dislodged and rolled down the hill with accidentally and so he was like let's go back and throw so many rocks down the hill like let's let's boost up all the rocks that'll be what we do that's the great fucking like buster chain of cartoon logic where it's like you know he goes to the church in defeat right i failed yes takes a nap in a pew i really like that yes he's going to the church just as

like this is a place of mourning for me like i can just be sad here and they all start showing up you see them slowly come in they're all holding newspaper with his face on it they're sitting next to him it takes a're sitting next to him. It takes a moment for anyone to even realize, oh, this is the guy. Then they start, like, fighting over his hand. Then they start swarming him. He runs out.

You get this amazing fucking wide shot. This, like, God's eye view shot of the street where he is slowly walking away and the mob is, like, just growing and growing and grow him behind him and it just never ends right the way that that scene is paced is so it was i weirdly i was thinking about at the end of titanic where they pull out and everyone's dying you're like it's that but with brides uh but like how does i i don't know just like watching how he paces his performance in that scene to to

match with the shot is unbelievable he holds off on running until the last possible moment he's trying to just be chill yeah and then it's like he's sort of like picking up the pace he doesn't want to make it he wants to play oblivious and then you get into this like now it's like a running of the bulls now they're following him everywhere right they're invading everything but then there's point, and you have the great gag where they walk by the man building the brick wall. Oh, yeah. And the women all each grab a brick to attack him.

And so they deconstruct the brick wall. But then at a certain point, he, like, shakes them. But he's still stuck in this chase sequence because, like, now bees are after him. Now boulders are after him. Like, now the whole world is just trying to get him um and this thing with the boulders is like uh insane oh it's so good it's so scary and they hold those shots for so long yes it's terrifying it's crazy i mean it's i don't know how he does any of this stuff. I mean, he says, when I have a gag that spreads out, I hate to jump a camera into close-ups,

which is sort of the classic Buster thing, right? He has this very sort of widescreen filming style that is very conservative in a way. Like, he doesn't really mess with anything. He just lets you watch these very long takes. But I just feel like most people just would not be able to do that, right? No. They would have to cut into it,

because they can't actually outrun 100 boulders for a camera without dying. The only cut that I think I like noticed that felt, there was like during the tree jump, there was some sort of cut or maybe I was watching the wrong YouTube. No, no, no, no, no. There definitely is.

Yeah, there was. He jumps onto the tree. Yes. And then whatever. Then we did this gag where the tree just goes. Right. Because they probably go from a real tree to a rubber tree. He's got this other quote here that JJ pulled up.

I like long takes and long shot. Close ups hurt comedy. I like to work full figure. And then JJ put in bold, all comedians want their feet in, which is such a good way of putting it. But that like when you get to the point which is clearly the reshoots where they've now created all these papier-mâché boulders and they have like 800 of them

and they're all like Indiana Jones and down the hill. And he finds that sort of like little alcove in the hill where he can hide and the boulders go over him. And it's just holding on that angle for so fucking long

and you're seeing them like narrowly miss him. And it's just holding on that angle for so fucking long and you're seeing them like narrowly miss him. And then they start to build up and they're getting closer and closer to his head and his back is turned

and there's no cut and you're like, he's just hoping that none of them hit him. He doesn't know how many have built up. No. It's so crazy.

And even as a director, it's like, well, he can know what they planned, but by design, he's not looking in that direction. Yeah. He doesn't know what's visually happening behind him.

And there was, I watched that scene a couple different times. And there's like three times where it really does seem like there's inches between him getting, yeah. Yes. It's unbelievable. It also feels like the boulders have become sentient. Yeah. Like the boulders feel like the bees or whatever, where they're like circling him. They're trying to get him. Ah, it's so good.

And then, yeah. How did Chris O'Donnell, they didn't hit him with the boulders. No. Instead, he's sort of like, it looked like San Francisco to me. Yes. He's in the streets of San Francisco.

He jumps on a bus at one point. It's not even the best movie that takes place in San Francisco in 1999 No, not at all It's probably Georgia the Jungle Great answer You know what? That's someone who could have fucking done this Oh yes, he could have

If you had done 99 Fraser If it's that exact same movie But it's Fraser and Zellweger I mean look, this movie looks like a dud Maybe even Brendan couldn't have saved it. But Brendan has more, Brendan Fraser at that time, has more of the Buster Keaton thing of you're just sort of like, what is this guy?

Like, his face is so interesting. He's such a physical specimen. But also similarly had that thing where it's like, you're really hot and yet I can believe that it takes people a moment to realize you're romantically viable. Because he's genuinely weird. Yes. Like, yeah.

Right. And he had that like odd sort of man-child innocent thing. But like, just... This movie is directed by someone called Gary Sinor. It's just not a thing. That's not true.

It is. Gary Sinor doesn't exist. I don't know what to tell you. The Bachelor. Let's see how much money it made. Wow. $36.9 million. These days, if a movie for grown-ups made that,

people would be shooting confetti in the streets. Maybe it's a Wikipedia hoax, the Gary Sinor thing. Gary Sinor. There's a lot of Wikipedia hoaxes. But then you just have the wrap-up ending where he finally makes it back to his sweetheart and he realizes he's missed the deadline

by like five minutes. Yeah. She's been sitting in... I mean, she's like stationary for most of the movie, but she comes back. I just... He has a line basically like, what's about to happen in my life is so miserable,

I wouldn't want to bring anyone else into it. I was just assuming the ending was going to be, they don't get the money, they like each other anyway, they're going to be fine. So I was kind of annoyed where he's like, no, no, don't marry me And he leaves

And I get his argument of like Yeah, I'm about to be put in a debtor's jail or something And then of course the real twist is Oh, the watch was fast We can get married and be rich Which is fine You want to send everyone out on a high note I get it

But I still felt like Mary didn't get quite enough of oomph at the end there. No, because she has the agency to say, like, I don't care about the money. Right, and instead she's just kind of like, okay. The money kind of ruined this whole thing. Right. It's the whole fucking problem. It's why you were being chased. Her only agency moments are pretty immediately undercut both times, where the first time she's like,

well, no, if you want to just marry someone, then don't marry me. Fuck you. And then two seconds later, her mom's like, don't be a bitch, man. Go talk to him. Be a nice girl. She's like, okay, I'll go marry him right now. And then she's like, I don't care about the money.

And then it's like, well, you're getting the money. And it's like, okay, well, fine. I thought that there was, when did, I mean, I don't know. I'm like, I didn't go into this movie expecting a transformative feminist text. Sure, sure, sure. But when did, I had like a national treasure thought at this point where I was like, is it going to be a Daylight Savings Time thing? But I don't know.

Oh, interesting. When was Daylight Savings Time, when did that start? David? Is it over? When did Daylight Savings Time, like when did America adopt Daylight Savings Time And did it ever really end? Well no what do you mean We still do it don't we

I feel like people try to vote it away all the time Well the Senate almost Apparently almost by mistake Voted to outlaw it And everyone was like yes enough of this weirdness But then it never Got any further or whatever I fucking wish they would

Well as a parent I will say It is especially for a young child It's very annoying to deal with that Because kids do not understand that time is now shifting Right Because it shouldn't The United States adopted daylight saving in 1918 Okay

So it's brand new It would have been topical It would have been a great twist It almost feels like that could be the setup of an entire Buster movie. It's like daylight savings and it's a guy who's off by an hour on everything. And his movies are an hour. It would be perfect. Right.

One hour wrong. The extra hour. He's existing out of time. Let's play the box office game for this one now, Griffin. Good. Smart. Absolutely. Smart. Jamie, you may remember we played the box office game. We one now, Griffin. Okay, good. Smart. I feel like, right? Yep, absolutely. Smart. Jamie, you may remember we played the box office game. We, you know, try to guess the top five. I remember where I was in 1997. I think about what was playing at the multiplex.

And you might think like, oh, it's 1925. Surely there's no box office data for this. There is! Wrong! Now, where is it? Now I have to load it. Now you have to load it up. I have to load my Kindle

and Jamie I just I need to warn you I've been killing these five out of five know them all so I'm about to alpha potato and potash and Potemkin yes that was it I don't know it's like you find these movies where it's like

oh yeah you know the nation's favorite like Yiddish comedian is mixing it up with an Irish comedian. It was a double act that was Irish comedian, Jewish comedian, and I want to buy the remake rights to do it with Barry Key again. Oh, that would be...

I think we could be the new Potash and Potemkin or whatever their names are. It's something like that. IP might be public domain at this point. It certainly is. So this film opened in March 1925, Griffin. It's been released. And it's on my list.

It's charting. It's opening big. Who? To $60,000. Humongous. Wow. Number two at the box office. Not number one, though.

Not number one. Number one a holdover? No, the number one is also new fuck uh and it's got a great name it is a lost film okay we cannot watch it anymore um but you probably still know it right i assume is it london after midnight no i'm joking there's no way you would know this it is directed by henry king a famous director oscar-winning director of the early years. Is it an adaptation of anything? No, it has an absolutely bananas name. I don't know. There's

no plot here. It stars Alice Terry and Orville Caldwell. And so you must know that the answer is Don't mind if I do. Sackcloth and Scarlet. Sackcloth? Correct. And Scarlet. And Scarlet. Here they are. Oh, Sackcloth is a Scarlet And Scarlet Here they are

Oh Sackcloth is a guy I guess so They look cool Yeah He kind of looks like a spaceman Yeah Don't know what that's about Nope

Anyway that's number one It's beating out Seven Chances by $2,000 Tight Seven Chances opening number two now The next movie It's weird to think that $2,000 was a difference of like 5 million people Right Right

Next movie is a romantic comedy Okay Looks like sort of a high society romantic comedy Starring Doris Kenyon and Lloyd Hughes Okay Of course Yes It's got a great title

It's called Keep Your Gloves On The Los Angeles Times said it was well above the average in many of its scenes that's on the poster yeah and the los angeles daily news says that it tugs at the heartstrings and the poster says of course it's a first national picture wow uh the film is called if i marry again hey okay i almost could have guessed that title you You probably could have. Yeah. Starring Doris Kenyon and it looks like, you know, she's going to figure it all out. Is that how film critics wrote then or is that genuinely

a very light endorsement? Above average in many scenes. I can't tell if it's a neg or not. Yeah, it's a little above average. I don't know. What do you want from me? All the reviews I've been reading from these Keaton films at the time are like that. They're like, ultimately a film that plays in front of your eyes. Well, it's just like when you watch

sports footage from the 50s of someone doing something absolutely insane and the announcers are like, yes, and he's done it! And the Boston Celtics will win! Like, you know, they sound barely excited about something, you know, legendary. An above-average picture. Film was always in the camera

and running at the right time Vaporized a man with his baseball Alright okay number four Is A comedy based on a play Okay Starring Richard Barthelmus And Mary Hay

Is it a play I would know Is it a play that's still in But it was written by Oscar Hammerstein The second Famously later became a great composer I would know. Is it a play that's still in? No, but it was written by Oscar Hammerstein II. Famously later became a great composer. Now, the poster says it's a picture not to be missed. Okay. And of course, it's a first national picture once again.

Of course. It's called New Toys. Wait a second, David. You didn't even let me guess. I was going to say New Toys. Oh, you're right. You got it. You turned the screen around before I even had the chance to tell you I knew what it was called.

What's new toys about? That sounds like my kind of movie. Let's see. It's a guy gets tickets to an amateur performance from his fiance as she sails for Europe but then she

he falls in love with someone else and they live in a Harlem flat and have a baby but then the old girlfriend comes back and there's sort of a love triangle

and then it looks like someone might have killed themselves but then everyone is happy at the end now that's a new toy all right number five stink like a toys in that fucking plot maybe the kid has some toys all right number five is a A lot of comedies Based on a musical Okay That we know? No Starring Colleen Moore Colleen Moore The great Colleen Moore

It's about a girl from a foundling asylum Who's a dishwasher in Paris Okay But then the Duke of Chekhoviginia A made up country Uh-huh They're Genovia Yes, exactly

Meets her And I guess he's sort of trying to slum it It's kind of like You know, he's pretending Govinia, a made-up country. They're Genovia. Yes, exactly. Meets her, and I guess he's sort of trying to slum it. It's kind of like, you know, he's pretending to be not rich, and they fall in love, but then, you know, it turns out he's rich. Right. I think it's called From Soap to Silver. It's called Sally! Wow!

Wait a second. This is a First National picture. Okay. What's your question? Was First National the Disney of their day? Or are they just like owning the box? She's got a classic flapper haircut. I was like, I just love her hair. I guess that the coat check girl.

She has the most severe flapper haircut. Yeah. It feels sharper than the norm. Yes. She extra wouldn't fuck Buster Keaton. But that's what I like about her. And in fact fact when you google Seven Chances she's like the first

picture that comes up I think that scene is just sort of seared in people's memory she's also so much taller than him she's so intense looking I'm into it she's got this great necklace that goes all the way to her legs I have this thing

sometimes where I watch a Buster Keaton movie and I'm like, oh my God, she's so pretty. I have such a crush on her. And then I remember she probably died seven decades ago. She is so dead. I have definitely had that feeling with these movies where I'm like, everyone is dead. So dead.

Everyone. Couldn't be more dead. Even the babies are dead. Even the babies are dead. That's true. It's 100 years old. They're dead. The people who saw these movies in babies are dead. Even the babies are dead. That's true. You're dead. The people who saw these movies in theaters are dead. It's always chilling to find out that,

I mean, especially when you're younger, that a formative crush of yours is dead. Yes. Like Paul Newman. I had a huge crush on Carl Anderson in Jesus Christ Superstar. He played Judas. Yeah.

And my mom had to break the news to me that he just died. Yeah. It was like had to like break the news to me that he just died. Yeah. And I was like, ugh! Like it was just brutal. Wow, he died in 2004. I remember.

He's hot, damn. Yeah, and he wears that orange suit. Yeah, the jacket. Yeah, this is very cool. I remember having that experience when I was young

with Vincent Price and my mother having to tell me that Vincent Price died and it felt really spooky. Because I was like watching Vincent Price shit all the time, and I was like, Vincent Price, one of our greatest living entertainers.

And my mom was like, he died 18 months ago. And I was like, it feels like something out of a Vincent Price movie. He's been dead this whole time. I, a six-year-old, have been watching Vincent Price. A dead man? This is a walking skeleton? Is that what you're telling me?

All right, let's talk about Go West. His follow-up to Seven Chances was supposed to be the skyscraper. Which, this thing sounds so cool. In which he's working on a skeleton structure of a new skyscraper above the ground. There's a girl up there with him. Her old man doesn't know this.

There's a lot of stuff with elevators and then there's a strike where the boys walk off the job, and then him and the girl are stuck up. That's the premise of the movie, basically, is they get stuck up at the top of scaffolding and can't figure out how to get down. Wasn't that a movie that

came out last year? What was it called? It was called, like, Up. Fall? Was it Up or Fall? I think it was called Fall. Something like that. I think it was called Fall. There's a Pixar movie called Up. Yeah.

I forgot. The Rock also made his skyscraper movie. Yes. I just like that this feels like a comedic diehard. Yeah. It feels like a cool, you know, landscape to use for bits. And it feels like very 20s too. It's like that was happening all over the place.

And he gets so much good material out of him fighting against modernity, like being kind of terrified by technology and shit like that. Apparently, they just couldn't crack the ending with that one, so they never did it. They never solved how he gets down. Right. Right. The technology did not yet exist.

Where's the story here? The writer, it was supposed to be Robert Sherwood. Robert Sherwood, who eventually wins three Pulitzer Prizes for drama, apparently. Yes, at this time was just a Life magazine critic. Right. Apparently ran into him years later, and Keaton, like, comes up to him, and he says, don't worry, Buster, I'll get you down out of there. And then that's the last time they ever talked.

Yeah. Well, he said every time he saw him, he would just say, like, I'm going to figure out how to get you down from that building. Well, we'll do it right never solved it sounded like a cool movie so instead he comes up with a simple premise what if I dress up like a cowboy correct someone said

in our reddit I think like the thing that's great about the Buster Keaton movies is every one of these titles feels like a perfect layup for a David. What if there was a blank? Oh, I love what if there was a blank. Right.

What if there was a wife? Right. What if he go west? What if he went west? What if there was someone who went west? Right. So, okay. Behind the scenes,

what's going on right now, Joe Skank is getting wooed by United Artists Which is of course Charlie Chaplin And Douglas Fairbanks and Mary Pickford Artists owned studio They bring him over Eventually UA is going to distribute Buster Keaton movies as a result

But not this one No, this is still part of the Metro No, Golden or Mayor Just Metro Like the trains But But This is still part of the... This is still Metro. Yes. Yes. No, no, Golden or Mayor. Just Metro? Just Metro. Like the trains.

Yeah. But that does mess up Buster's life. A lot of his writers start getting loaned out. Yes. Because of it. So when he's doing Go West, he doesn't have his usual stable of guys. He's basically had the same team since the shorts on almost all of these.

Kind of a glaring lack of schnitz as well. I mean, there is no schnitz. Stood out to me. I'm glad schnitz comes back. He does show up again. It's a damn shame. Not for Jamie, though. Not for Jamie, but, you know, we can check in with you later.

If you want to do a little schnitz corner. Yeah, if you want to swoop in on schnitz. Yeah, I'll call him. No, the big co-star here is. Clyde Brockman, Joe Mitchell, Gene Havez were the main three gag writers he had on the previous features. And then the two new people he sort of

fills in the room. Raymond Cannon, who was an actor who then became a gag man slash scenarist. Love to be a gag man. And Lex Neal, who was a childhood friend. Yes. But the big casting job on this movie obviously is brown eyes this has to cast the cow right uh played by a cow named brown eyes yes now this is what i love about this movie where he basically it feels like it gets at this thing of like when

we talk about his weird inscrutability, right? How hard it is to read Buster in any scene. It feels like he realizes, oh, the only person who could really like hold their own comedically

with me on screen is an animal who is incapable of speaking and impossible to figure out what they're doing. Incapable of ego, too. Right. Right.

And yet, what a performer. Incredible. I mean, I love when they cast Non-actors in acting roles Yes It's very exciting An amateur actor

Yes Brown eyes Huge She was a beautiful creature Says Buster She did not appear to be Any more intelligent Than any other Holstein cows

So they trained her He would lead her around The studio on a rope He would feed her carrots And other culinary delights For the bovines That's how he puts it. I never had a more affectionate pet or a more obedient one.

After a while, he could walk her through doors, walk her past bright lights. Only difficulty was when he sat down, she would try to climb into his lap. But he, like, spent months with brown eyes of just, like, my big swing for this movie is I'm gonna get this cow to feel so comfortable around me that I can do anything.

And it works. Well, but do you know what happened? No. Oh, no. They get there. They film this movie in Arizona. Correct. The first week, she's acting bizarre.

Oh, yes. Suddenly, it's like she was so obedient. She followed him anywhere. And suddenly, she's like not doing anything. And I think they bring in a doctor or a vet to take a look. They brought in a rancher. Yes. Okay. And he said, your cow is in heat. And she won they bring in a doctor or a vet to take a look. They brought in a rancher. Yes. Okay.

And he said, your cow is in heat, and she won't be any use to you until she's over that. She's got to get some, and she will not be able to focus on work until she does. Wow. And so they had to wait 10 days. Here is the quote from Buster Keaton, and it is a doozy of a quote.

This is as good as Rosaria Dawson referring to her shaved vagina as the general. Yeah. Which came up in her trance episode. Right. The idea of how daily expenses would mount while we waited for that cow to get her mind off sex was dismaying. We had selected her for her unusual beauty and striking markings. She had been in too many scenes to start looking for another hole-seated double for her. I did the only sensible thing.

looking for another hole so you need a double for her. I did the only sensible thing. I ordered her let out of the corral so she could find an affection and empathy loaded bull for herself. I didn't read that quote wrong.

It just felt like I was reading affection and empathy loaded bull. Affection and empathy loaded bull. Yeah. I love that a cow

got too horny and they had to stop the movie. That's so great. And the buster was like, fine, go fuck a bull. It's fine. I get it. But he wants the best for her. He wants an empathetic bull to fuck. But the funniest

thing to think about is that you got Joe Skank, who's like in the middle of this career transition. He's jumping to this big studio. And he's getting fucking like memos. He's getting like telegrams or whatever that are like buster movie on day five of shutdown cow has still not gotten any you know his quote was uh that's keith for you if there's a costly way to make a movie he'll

find it like he was resentful of like of course the keith movie shut down so this cow can fuck he cast the horniest cow in hollywood but they just the whole cast and crew just waited in the desert for like a week until the cow came back and was like chain smoking because he's been building this relationship with this cow for months yeah that's i mean i mean i get it i love it i love it i i did not i didn't either it's so funny that rocks there is i mean, I feel like Buster Keaton pulls off successfully what many people on dating apps are trying to do with like by leading with a picture of them and their dog. Yes.

You know, they're trying to be like, I can build something here. I'm like, no. Yes. That's not even your dog. And I can tell. Yes. And anyone can do that. You see a friendless man walking around with a brown-eyed cow.

You're like, there's something going on here. Yeah. There's a lot of friendlesses wandering. But not everyone has, you know, the connection with the brown eyes. No. So here's the setup for this movie. This guy's name is Friendless. He has no direction in life.

He's a drifter. He's got a picture of his mother. Right. That's about it. He tries going to New York. He gets trampled. I do like that. It's just five minutes of him being like, the big city is That's about it. He tries going to New York. He gets trampled. I do like that. It's just five minutes of him being like,

the big city is too big for me. It's over to the east. It's such a good reveal, too, if you see, like, crowded hubbub New York City street, and then they cut in closer, and you realize he's underneath all the people. It's funny. It's good. And so he's like,

he sees this sort of vision of the statue pointing to go west. Right. He sells his whole life. He sells everything. For just a big salami. Yeah. And it's such a good...

It might be a really good salami, I guess, but it's everything. Biggest fucking salami I've ever seen just wrapped up, right? In like wax paper or whatever. And you see the passage of time is conveyed only in how much salami he has left as he's riding the rails

and the salami's going down and things are really dire and he gets off and then the movie goes yeah put him in some fucking chaps and I'm like immediately funny immediately just putting him here on a ranch around animals a thing I like about this movie a lot, too,

I think all the other actors in this section are really good. They underplay it greatly. They play it very straight, like they are in a traditional Western. Howard Truesdale plays the owner. Yeah. But no one is sort of doing, like,

pantomime-y, jokey kind of stuff. It's like, oh, these actually look like sort of like sandblasted, you know, hard-living ranch hands. And Buster doesn't belong here. Cowboys. Yes. They're cowboys. And they shot the film in real cowboy country too, I think.

You know, there's some gritty realism to that. I liked that Horace Greeley was the inciting incident to this. It's just like he sees the statue of Horace Greeley. Yes. He's like, all right, cool. I'll go where he's pointed. Yeah. I liked, oh man, I did a ton of research on Horace Greeley a couple of years ago because he believed in like talking to ghosts. Cool. And so I was like, yeah, I mean, he's maybe not the best guy who's advised to take. He does believe you can talk to ghosts. But, you know, it worked out fine for friendless. He made friend.

Some other horoscurly facts, of course. He actually coined the phrase, go west, young man. So I guess that's why he's being paid homage. Sure. Right. But I think of him mostly because he was the presidential candidate for the Liberal Republican Party in 1872. He lost to Ulylysses grant but he died before the electoral like he died in between the election and the inauguration so he got zero electoral college votes they had to instead just sort of throw him to other people yeah because they couldn't give

him to a dead guy yeah that's wild and the spiritualists were trying to get in touch with him about that for some time to throw your votes to Jim Smith. Brown eyes. He's one of those guys where like, I know he was very rich and very successful. Yet when you look at him, you're like, is he just like a homeless wizard? Like what is this? He's got a very weird look.

This sort of wispy hair. He does weirdly look like the kind of guy that Buster Keaton would listen to. Let's also remember that America did recently elect a president who is a self-proclaimed genius with bizarre hair and incredibly normal vibes. I wonder what Buster would make of that guy. No.

Okay, so brown eyes. Anyway, so he's, yeah, he's on the ranch. He's, there's a whole bit with barrels on the train car which i kind of enjoyed yeah um uh and uh then there's the milk uh scene which i think is really funny and i just love the the energy of him constantly trying to earn the respect of these other men because it feels like the the woman in this picture is kind of drawn to him almost immediately right but he's so obsessed with

being seen as a genuine cowboy they're all those sequences where they're all sitting around the table like drinking and eating and the second he sits down they leave you know right um he's just not macho enough it's almost like made a joke of like how i mean it's like she is the love interest of the movie but there's like that big joke at the end where it's like he obviously cares more about brown eyes and being a cowboy than about this like shoehorned in love interest. Yes, he seems kind of indifferent to her. Yeah.

By and large. Which again, I'm just like, maybe that's part of the appeal of Buster Keaton. Who knows? Really hard to get. Yeah, yeah. In spite of like, he's so tired, you know? Yeah, he is tired. He's know? Yeah. He is tired.

He's tired and indifferent. Sign me the fuck up. But he's so, he's so fucking good with this. Gives her a blanket. Yeah. Protects her from dogs. Yes.

And, but I guess it sort of becomes like, it adds to his uncoolness. Yeah. That cow is his friend. Right. Because this is a place that, I mean, the cows have to die. He reminds me a little bit of Cody Schmidt-McPhee in Power of the Dog.

Right, where everyone's just kind of like, what's this guy, why are you making a paper flower? What's the fucking deal with this guy doing here? This is Montana, man. Yeah. I like that he's kind of like, he goes from city slicker to just being obsessed with the cow. Yes, right.

He like, is going out west with the dream of fitting the archetype of like the classic movie cowboy. And instead he becomes this weird cow freak. I really, I feel like the strongest, I mean, I really strongly emotionally responded to when he tenderly removed the rock from her, from his hoof. I was like, oh, it they did a they did a close-up in spite of the rules no but you had to see it that's him knowing like when is it like super in fact impactful to cut in close yeah and it works yeah there's that saying from this time of like uh drama happens in a close-up comedy happens in a wide shot sure and it's like he's cutting into the rock from the hook

Because that's drama That's the saddest moment in the movie There's also like a little romantic theme That will play when Brown Eyes is on screen Sometimes there's like a little like It just gets It's the most romantic the music got to me Was when they were together

What's with The music is sort of It's hard to know What the actual music was For these movies There is no actual music I found a copy Of Seven Chances

On YouTube Yes When I was checking For something Yes And it had a techno score Yes Someone had put like

Electronic music over it Yes I guess you can do anything There was no That's a cool guy Who did that Who did that Yeah that's a cool guy

There was no definitive Like score Right that yeah that's a cool guy there was no definitive like score intended for these movies at the time i maybe someone would there be a guy with a piano yeah right i guess that'd be a fun job and now it's like the scene seems like like basically if you're watching it online through like legal means renting buying physical media streaming services whatever you're almost always seeing, what is it? They're basically the two different restorations. One of them is, I think, the Bologna restoration. One of them is Lobster Films.

And Kino releases one of them. And Coen Media releases the other one. I'm sorry, you blew through that like it was regular. I'm sorry. What is the difference between the bologna and lobster? It's about like $40 a pound. Okay, what? Five comedy points.

No, these movies are all public domain. So the only things that copyrights exist for are specific restorations and scores. Got it. And so you basically have two different like arthouse media companies that have bought the rights to different European, years-long, do-the-whole-catalog restorations. And they both have piano guys with big mustaches

who are like, this is my score. This is the baloney score. Yes, right. And then, yes. None of that lobster business. And then some of, like, the public domain ones that float around YouTube. Because I was looking for copies,

and some of them are, like, a really high- quality YouTube upload, but it's silent. Right. And you're like, oh, there must have been a copyright. Over the music. Right. DMCA claim or whatever.

Yeah. Yeah, it's like when you get a weird TikTok that's silent. Right. Like, oh, whatever this was. Right. And then the ones that are on YouTube are basically like complete like royalty free. Someone was just like, I don't know, here's like some fucking thing but it does make these films interesting to watch because your experience can vary wildly based on the quality of the

restoration and especially the music the cut i watched uh whoever was scoring it clearly thought that you know buster keatonaton and Brown Eyes were very much it worked for me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, Brown Eyes is in trouble throughout this movie because she's due for

the slaughterhouse. Her milk is dust. So they're going to chop her up. She's in the trenches. It's a rough life, okay? Being a brown cow in Arizona. She's got the old dusty tip problem. And so then what do we have? We have the card game, which I really like,

with the tiny gun on the string. Yes, but also, what's the great bit here? The great bit is, this is basically referencing a thing from a popular movie of the time. Hold on, this is in the dossier. But there was some other Western where the bit...

The Heart of Maryland. Yes. And, oh, do you want me to read what the bit is? Okay. Two guys are playing cards. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, look, Maryland was the Wild West back then. No.

One guy calls the other a name. He takes out his six-shooter and lays it on the table. Yes. And says, when you call me, that's smile. And Buster, of course, doesn't smile in his movies. So we thought if he did that to an audience, the audience would be like, oh no, Buster can't smile. He's going to die.

This is a reference that everyone will get from a popular movie that came out recently. And if you put this character in that exact same situation with the same tee up, suddenly their life and death stakes because here's the guy who's incapable of smiling. But I also think it's like the whole setup of the scene is like everyone talks about Buster Keaton's deadpan, right? Here's a guy who basically has a perpetual poker face. Yes.

In the face of danger. Put him in a dangerous poker game. He becomes so inscrutable that it drives everyone else insane they become furious at him it is the one scene where he almost becomes high status right because people are so enraged by not being able to read him and him physically trying to force a smile on his face because he can't do it and and when this movie came out at the time he was like oh no they're so worried for me. They're not laughing.

Right, right. It's actually too stressful. No one felt it as a comedic premise. They were like, he's going to die. He can't laugh. He can't smile. Yeah. But I think it's really funny.

I think that's great. Yeah. I also think the tiny gun on the string is funny. Yes. The tiny guns are funny. Oh, I mean, the baby gun, he keeps trying to shake it out of his thing. the tiny guns are funny oh i mean the baby gun he keeps trying to shake it out of his thing i i i do like hearing um what his reactions to because it's like not even stuff that registered for me but you're like oh yeah if you came up in vaudeville you're like oh my goal is for people

to be laughing hysterically for hours and without stopping do a lot of test screenings and recut things and do reshoots like he was like working, like, working his shit, like fucking Judd Apatow, recording the audience and then syncing up the laughs or whatever. I'm making up that part. But, yes, no, it's also just so funny to think about, like, yeah, this feels like the movie

where he's starting to understand, oh, the Buster Keaton persona is so well established in the public's mind that I can riff on it, where they start to fill in the jokes themselves of going like, well, if you put Buster Keaton on a ranch, this is what would happen.

Right. I don't have to sell any higher concept than that. What else happens? I mean, much like Seven Chances, this movie amounts to an extended chase scene where the bulls chase him through the streets. A lot of business with the bandana. Yes.

You know, stampede of a thousand steers um what else happens i like the cop escalation joke where one cop comes in is like there's 500 steer out there and then it eventually reaches a million you're like all right i'm laughing right uh he dresses up as a devil, of course. Oh, yes. I really like that because I also think like it's a black and white movie. Yes. He's got to find something red. Yes. The whole audience is going to get that this costume is red.

Yeah. Yeah. No, it's really clever. And he looks funny in it. He does. He's a little stinker. He's a little stinker. He's the best. That is like the little stinkiest he gets out of these two movies for me is running around

a little devil. He looks like the one in Cow and chicken he is an adorable little devil he does look like the devil from cow and chicken who i have not thought about in a while his tush he bounced around in his little butt yes uh the let that outfit was also my brother's first ever halloween costume really very cute little devil but yeah yeah the um cops there's the whole thing with the hoses, which is pretty fun. There's less, I mean, the stampede is impressive, but there is less sort of like one incredible set piece

that your mind is blown by. No, I think I do like he does, though, is shit like the barbershop, where it's like he's acknowledging the larger reality of it's not just that this many bulls are chasing after him. This would affect all surrounding areas. They're like interfering with other businesses, you know? Right.

Yeah, I definitely preferred that. I was more nervous for this stampede of steer than. They're scary than rocks or brides. Yeah. Right. And you're also just like, these are real. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, these are real. Yeah, yeah. I was like, these are real.

I mean, someone... I'm sure someone did get hurt. But, you know, that's fine. Yeah, probably. It's allowed. It's fine. People got hurt back then. And now everyone who was in that movie is dead. Well, this is...

They're all doing the babies. Everyone is dead. Yes. Except maybe Brown Eyes. Maybe she's still kicking. I like to think she's around there somewhere. Maybe she was in first count. Here's the quote that's bizarre, right?

So his thing is like, I'll wear the red suit. I'll get on set in front of these guys and they will chase after me. And my job is just to let them get really close without actually hurting me. Right? But the comedy will write itself, basically. I put on that suit. I thought I'd get a funny chase sequence. Have the cows get a little too close to me. Right? But the comedy will write itself, basically. I put on that suit. I thought I'd get a funny chase sequence, have the cows get a little too close to me,

get scared, then really put on speed trying to get away from them. Like, just do it for real. Right. But I couldn't do it with steers. Steers wouldn't chase me. I actually ran

and had cowboys pushing them as fast as they could go. And I fell down in front of them and let them get within 10 feet of me before I got to my feet. But as I moved, they stopped too. He couldn't get them to chase him for real. They piled up on each other.

They didn't mind a stampede at all, but they wouldn't come near me. Well, that kind of hurt when you think that's going to be your big finish chase sequence. We had to trick it from all angles. So I think it does speak to like, he thought like,

well, I'll just fucking let nature run its course. Yeah. And maybe didn't plan this out as well as he did the end of seven chances. It doesn't quite feel seamless. No because I think he was like the bits will come to me. I don't need to fucking write gags here. Yeah. And

the stakes will be real and they could not get them to fucking chase him even in the little devil suit. Maybe brown eyes was just looking out she didn't know she was fucking with the movie. He's the star of the picture. He's top of the call sheet. He gave me a week off to have sex. Please don't know. She didn't know she was fucking with the movie. He's the star of the picture. He's top of the call sheet. He gave me a week off to have sex. Please don't hurt him.

I would just, I want that. I want to read that on deadline soon. You want to hear that happened on Aquaman 2. Exactly. It's just like, I'm too horny. Right. Momoa could not focus. I need a week. I gave him a week. Right. Yeah. And they're like, yeah, of course, of course, of course. Jason, Jason, do whatever you need. Go shake it out. I'm in a week. I gave him a week. Right. Yeah. And they're like, yeah, of course, of course, of course. Yeah, Jason.

Jason, do whatever you need. Go shake it out. I'm in a heat. I just love it. Do you want to play the box office game? Four. Go West. This one is... You might get some.

Okay. Okay. Because these movies I've heard of. Interesting. Number one. This movie is opening number Five At the box office And it was a success It made $600,000

Okay It's opening To 50 grand A little less Than seven chances Okay Number one At the box office

This must have hurt By the way There's a review That JJ pulled up From Carl Sandburg Yeah The poet Yes

Although the theater Is at times Explosive With hearty guffaws, Go West may not be the funniest thing that Sour Face Buster's ever done, but it is by far the most enjoyable bit of humor this writer has seen

from the Keaton Fun Factory. Final line, this comedian comes close to the Chaplin-esque in his serious comedy. That must have fucking stung. That is tough to get body by Sandberg like that. But also to throw out Chaplin-esque is like,

I'm giving you a compliment and he's a contemporary. Well, who's number one at the box office right now? Charles Chaplin. And what's the film? 1925 silent comedy

starring Charlie Chaplin. Would this be The Gold Rush? It's The Gold Rush. Hey, look at that. Look at that. Oh, that's the one with the potato shoes, right? Yes, the little dance. Just the little dance. It the potato shoes Yes The little dance It's good

The problem is he did fuck those potatoes Off the side of the hair The Gold Rush is crushing it Gold crushing it It's made almost a million smackers Jesus A lot of western themes Avengers Endgame of it's time

It is true it's also a prospecting movie It's just gold, obviously not You're also, you're getting to the meta westerns You're getting to the western tropes are so well established That people can riff on them now And mock them Number two at the box office Now you may not know this one, but it stars a very famous

Female Star Comedy star, drama star, verse Verse very famous female star. Comedy star, drama star, verse? Is she verse? I would call this sort of a dramedy. A dramedy. She is one of the founders of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences

and United Artists. Is it Mary Pickford? Mary Pickford, considered one of the most recognizable actors in history. Yeah. This film sees her playing a girl. A ragamuffin, if you will. Yes.

With a cute name. I'm going to guess it's called Little Ragamuffin. You are close. It's called Little Annie Rooney. She's an Irish girl Living in New York slums Yes Wow

This movie is 95 minutes long It's an epic Okay The longest film ever made And you know Mary Pickford You know

Sure Big star I don't know She was the princess Of the Bowery I just love all that stuff Ragamuffins Ben you love a ragamuffin.

All right. I do. I think I've said this before on the show, but like fucking vocabulary quizzes when I was in middle school and they give us this workbook with like 30 new words we had to learn each week.

You have to write them down on note cards and use sample sentences and all this stuff. And I hated it. It was like the most tedious fucking thing. And I remember sitting at the family dinner table working on this and just blowing up and being like what am i even doing here mom when am i ever gonna use the word ragamuffin in my life and i use it once a week now i think it's the funniest word

it is forever burned in my brain i am so happy i know it and it's the one i made an example out how about instead of sweetheart call call my little raguffin. It can be a little condescending. Oh, you think so? Yeah. That's true. It's technically pejorative. Yeah. But, you know, it depends on the ragamuffin.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Yeah. Number four at the box office. Now, this film stars Adolphe Menjou. You would know because he is in Paths of Glory And he's in Gigi Is it Gigi or something else? He played a fancy guy

In more modern movies Yes But this is him as a young man He's playing a king From another fake country Malvenia Who comes to conduct business and then ends up in Coney

Island and meets a cute lady. And then they have a whole romance. This is like fucking original Coming to America? Yeah, exactly. That's what it is. It's original Coming to America. It's directed by someone called Monta Bell. Okay. I wonder if this takes place when they still had the brothel that looked like an elephant

on Coney Island. Why did we ever get rid of that? If we go to one place for one day, it would be there, but only for like 10 minutes. Jamie, let's bring it back. Let's bring it back. It was called the Elephantine Colossus.

I love that thing. People are fucking in that elephant. Yes. And now Joey Chestnut, that's his stomping grounds. It's great. Hey. Yeah, have we talked enough

about hot dogs on this? We're going to get back to it after this. I have some things I want to say. All right. The film is We're going to get back to it after this. I have some things I want to say. The film is called... Oh, okay. You don't have to guess. It's called King in Coney Island.

Very close. It's called The King on Main Street. Okay. Wow. Love that. I'm getting closer. Most interesting thing about this film, it has Bessie Love, the female lead,

does the Charleston on screen female lead, does the Charleston on screen, and it made the Charleston the hot dance. Wow. What's the Charleston? It's a very complicated dance. It does this, you know. It was the biggest part of it. It was a fucking phenomenon. It's hot stuff. Yeah. What do you think

of the Charleston? I'm a fan. Rules. I'm a fan. I love the dance. I love the chew. Chew's good. Yeah. All right. Now, number four, number five is Go West. Number four, however,

stars another silent comedy star. We've got Chaplin in this top five. Is it a Harold Lloyd? It's a Harold Lloyd film. Okay. I think it's one of his most famous films.

Is it The Freshman? It's The Freshman. Look at that. You got two out of five on this one. And one of them is Go West. So really, you got three out of five.

Yeah. Harold Lloyd. He's a freshman, right? Yeah. He's going to university. Uh-huh. I don't know what happens in the... I haven't seen The Freshman.

Have you seen it? Yeah. And then Preston Surges did a sequel. That was one of Preston Surges' last films. Really? Yeah. He did a years later legacy sequel. Are you serious?

Yeah. What's it called? I've never seen it. What's it called? It's not called... It's called The Sins of Harold Diddybrook or whatever. The Sin of Harold Diddlebrock. I don't fucking know.

Don't make me say these words aloud. Yeah, 20 years after his triumphs as a freshman on the football field, he's now a mild-mannered clerk. Still with Harold Lloyd. Wow. Well, that's the box office game. So, let's go west. What a great time we've had. Incredible.

Talking about these movies. What were your hot dog thoughts? Jamie. Yeah, what's going on? You got Raw Dog coming out, your hot dog book. Yes. The definitive hot dog book. This is now going to become the definitive text on hot dogs in America.

If so, there's a guy named Bruce that's going to be real mad at me. Well, Bruce can go fuck himself. That's what I'll say. Which, just to be be clear it's a book where you're it's non-fiction but it's also there's you're in it right there's there's a lot of jamie in this book you're traveling across the country yeah it's like uh there there's uh i drove for uh my ex and i drove from la to uh boston and then back in a different direction uh tried hot dogs all over the place and then there's also chapters on history of meat production.

There's a lot about Joey Chestnut and professional hot dog eating. There's, I sort of followed the Wienermobile around for a while. I went to a place called Hot Dog University, which got cut from the book. So you'll just have to ask me. But yeah, there's a lot of hot dog stuff. When I was in high school, my father became deeply entrenched in the world surrounding the IFOC, the International Federation of Competitive Eating.

Oh, you don't got to tell me. I know. I'm just telling you for the listener. Uh-huh. Those guys were around. Which appears to also now be called Major League Eating. Yes. Yes. George and the Shea Brothers. Oh, yes. All of these people were around. Which appears to also now be called Major League Eating. Yes. Yes. George and the Shea Brothers. Oh, yes.

All of these people were around a lot. Not the highest level, but like a Badlands Booker, now mostly known as Badlands Chugs. Incredible. I believe, I don't remember if it was during a 4th of July hot dog eating competition. It was a different competition. My sister, who was like five or six at the time, gave him like a bracelet that she made

out of like some like klutz jewelry kit that he wore at like his next four matches. My dad just got all in on this fucking thing and would hang out with these guys all the time.

How did he get into the community? They're so impenetrable. He had a friend who was friends with someone who clearly tried to penetrate this community. Are you familiar with Crazy Legs clearly tried to penetrate this community. Are you familiar with Crazy Legs Conti?

Oh, yes. Because he legally changed his name to Crazy Legs Conti. Yes. And Crazy Legs Conti was like an East Village weirdo staple, which I grew up in the village. That scans...

Oh, wow. And Conti was the bridge, the friend of Conti's. And my dad just got so into all of this fucking shit. It's pretty incredible. Yes. And the Shea brothers are like pretty evil yes well that was kind of the thing was there was my dad was sort of like why has no one figured out how to like scale this and make this work this should work and like this is at a period of time where there's shit like battle bots blowing up on tv sure right yeah why can't you make more money off of this?

And you were like the only thing that gets coverage is the hot dog eating competition. They basically have two officially sanctioned events per month at least. This was like 20 years ago. This is like 2003, 2004 was like the peak of his. Still like Kobayashi era. That was the thing. And Kobayashi was like a phenomenon. Oh, he's amazing.

You would look and you're like, all these supporting characters are fascinating. All these guys have like really good ginnick. Sonia Thomas. Oh my god. Who they called the Black Widow. Do you know about Sonia Thomas, David? No. I don't know. Oh, she's like I think my favorite person in the hot dog

eating. Did you get to meet her? I met like almost all of these people. You got to meet the Black Widow. Oh my god. I never met Kobayashi because he would just fly in for the one event. Kobayashi is somewhat mysterious. He might obviously know. He's somewhat mysterious, right? And he really pioneered the splitting, the dunking

in water, the sort of the methods. He's everyone. I feel like every single person, including the Black Widow and Joey Chestnut, just started doing professional eating because they saw Kobayashi on TV. And like just he was like the blueprint. He's so amazing. Did you see the 30 for 30 about it?

No. It's really good. I may be misremembering this a little bit, but I forget what the Shea brothers, their main jobs, they would travel. I don't want to say they were traveling salesmen, but they were like something. I don't want to say they were traveling salesmen but they were like something Sonia Thomas as a black widow was like a woman in her like 20s who was like 5 foot 1 and like 100 pounds

she managed a Burger King on a naval base yes and then there was a period of time where she was a truck driver I believe and one of the Shave Brothers was traveling stopped at a road stop like diner and she was there with like like, 18 plates, scarfing them down.

And he was like, who are you? What's your story? And she's like, well, I drive and I don't want to take breaks. So I just have one meal every 18 hours. Oh, my God. And I eat all of this. And he was like, you're a star. Most people would be like, I'm calling the hospital.

Right. But she was fascinating. And she was just like, I don't know.. Right, right. But she was fascinated. She was just like, I don't know. Yeah, I guess my stomach's just like this. I wonder if that, the Shea brothers are such liars. I hope that happened.

I do too. I don't believe them as far as I can throw them. And I could throw them really far. It was incredible. They're not very big. No, no. And they sort of would dress like Buster Keaton. They'd have like a little waistcoat

and a fucking straw boater hat and shit. Right, they kind of have a sort of pt barnum exploitative energy is that what you're saying yes george shea especially richard shea is kind of a mystery to me because i really like his color commentary on yes the end of her year because he's like really into like women indie stars sure last year he was like oh man i just saw phoebe bridgers in Prospect Park. And we were like, really?

This guy? I thought you meant female indie eaters. No. Like there was the outskirts, the AEW of professional eating that he was following. No. He just loves or at least he makes a point to mention it. I don't know. Like two years ago when I was there there he was talking about he's like

nicki minaj's career is on the resurgence and i was like what is your deal it's just funny that they're kind of like failed vince mcmahon's exactly which is like because george shea's wife wrote for the wwe and soap operas and that's so clearly what it's mapped on is like it's a mix of that but with regular people but But they never totally cracked it. No, because they're regular people. I don't know. That's what I loved

about it though. I love the idea that it's like, this is like a blue-collar sport. Yeah. And like, Badland Booker at the time was like,

the fucking operating like the seven train. Yeah. And then it was like, one weekend a month these guys go and they're fucking rock stars and they shove a thousand

pickles into their mouth and then they go back to their job the second place guy i'm trying to get him to come to my book event in boston the second the guy who it's so funny because he seems so sweet he's a school teacher in massachusetts he comes he's the guy who comes second to joey chestnut right now okay and joey's name uh oh god his name is uh jeffrey esper um it seems like it's gonna take a turn but then it doesn't okay uh jeffrey esper um it seems like it's going to take a turn but then it doesn't okay uh jeffrey esper he's a school teacher in massachusetts comes second to joey every single year and it's so funny because he's so sweet and so mild-mannered works his job all year but then when he comes out he's so clearly the heel of the situation where it's like everyone's

booing this 55 year old school teacher because he's not Joey Chestnut and it's fucking awesome it's like so great I don't like him he's got to get an energy you were talking about on the Doughboys episode that you kind of feel like the Shea brothers like sandbagged Kobayashi because they wanted like a white American champion and that kind of pushed Joey Chestnut into the position they said that I mean like George Shea has said champion and that kind of pushed Joey Chestnut into the position. They said that. I mean, like, George Shea has said that and that's,

I highly recommend to everyone. And Kobayashi also, like, came from outside of their league. Like, they didn't have control over him. He would just fly in once a year and fucking win their thing. But it's like,

but the only reason, so that, I love the 30 for 30 so much because it contextualizes it so well where, like, the Shea brothers had been failing to make the hot dog eating contest take off in the U.S. 30 for 30 so much because it contextualizes it so well where like pro like the shea brothers had been failing to make the uh the hot dog eating contest take off in the u.s in any meaningful way

for years at that point and it wasn't until kobayashi came from japan where there was like well-organized eating contest and it was televised and it was like pretty successful and once he came over and people saw like this like very like strong, compact like guy who could do laps around people. And had this like wild technical strategy. They were like, he's like gaming this in a way that no one else is. Yeah. And it's like it wasn't the Shea brothers. Like they didn't orchestrate that.

They just directly benefited from it. Right. And then all these eaters were inspired by Kobayashi. The only like Joey Chestnut, who I have such a soft spot for. I love him so much. He, like, saw this Spike TV broadcast of Kobayashi facing off against a bear. Okay, cool. And losing.

And then being like, okay, so he's fallible. Sure. And then it becomes his life mission. An actual bear, like, was being fed hot dogs? A grizzly bear and Kobayashi. There's a video of it. They competed on TV in, like, 2005. Yeah.

And Kobayashi lost. And he's a great performer. So he's devastated. It's so funny. But it was also that thing where, like, Kobayashi seemed untouchable for so long where you were like. This bear is eating these hot dogs. I am really into this bear. It's got a bigger mouth and a bigger belly weirdly also the bear has like an american flag behind him and i'm like

i guess we can claim our representative but like but it came from the american woods i mean like george shea especially is so nationalistic and so then when when joey chestnut came in and was genuinely good right then he was like oh great now i can push the white american champion yes and kind of screw kobayashi over in the process you had this thing for years where like kobayashi was so far ahead of everyone else but also even though the gap was huge between one and two when he entered everyone else got better yes like the numbers went up for everybody because it was suddenly like he was j Owens. Like the barrier had been broken. And he's demonstrating all these techniques

that people can copy, right? Right. And then, yeah, Chestnut was the first guy to basically be like, I can go toe to toe with you. And then since he took over, there was something about Kobayashi where he like felt like a superhero.

Yeah. And Joey Chestnut just- He's a showman too. And Joey is amazing, but he is not the showman. No, and it just feels like, well, now there's no tension left to this. He wins every year.

Like, has it ever been close? So there is, okay, this is a fun, sad thing where Joey has been beat once. It's very kind of like a joker-fying thing for him, I think, that happens. Where he beats Kobayashi, it's very controversial because they were so close. Kobayashi famously ate a hot dog he had just

thrown up into his hand. Was this the first time he was going to finally beat Kobayashi? Yes. And then eventually Joey does win. Kobayashi is edged out of the league. It's a lot of the focus on the 30 for 30, where Kobayashi was in such a horrible contract with the Shays that they were basically icing him out so he couldn't compete anywhere else.

He's trying to get out of the contract and they're like, well, if you get out of the contract, you can never compete again. So he's, you know, Tonya Harding's

out of the situation. Yeah, I hate to see that. Fuck that. And then in 2010, he's such a good showman. He shows up to the contest where he's no longer allowed to compete in a shirt that says Free Kobe. Wow. He goes up on stage during the contest and George Shea has him arrested on television.

What? How did I fucking miss this? It is fucking nuts. Because this remains niche. I know. This is the thing you're talking about. It won't break out of this weird world. But you also have to remember, there were four years of my life where this was the most omnipresent thing in our lives living eat arrested yes uh looks like uh

i have a free kobe shirt cool as you should um right as i mean whatever they didn't press charges right they just kind of got it was totally a show arrest but yes. So Joey wins for a while, and then there is, I think it's 2014, he's like cocky to the point where he proposes to his girlfriend at the contest on TV. Fuck, man. And she's also his trainer, question mark, unclear what that means. But she says yes, and it's like, ah, the king, and now the hot dog queen, right? Which you're jealous, right? And I was like... Not of getting to marry him, but of having the the hot dog queen right then which you're jealous right and i was like not not of getting to marry him but of having the title hot dog queen but also kind of getting

to marry him and so you're like that could be me it's not sure that's fine uh but she's cute she's intense nestle ricasa and turn the turn the david me see. Turn the laptop around. I don't know. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Go ahead. But then between 2014 and 15, they were supposed to get married a few weeks before the contest in 2015. Okay. She calls off the wedding. And, and because it's such a, like, campy, exploitative kind of narration style, They mention it constantly during the 2015 contest as it's happening.

To try to build in the emotional stakes of this is a man scorned. Yeah, Richard Shea is really doing the WWE thing, but he's like, for Joey Chestnut, you know, he's not getting married. He's back to flirting with the girls at Panera Bread, but seems like he might get it,

but he loses. Okay. Seemingly out of despair. get it, but he loses. Okay. Seemingly out of despair. He has the heartbreak here. Yeah. And a guy named Matt Stoney, who's like a famous eating YouTuber who I don't think competes anymore,

but he wins. And then between 2015 and 2016, Joey Chestnut goes Joker mode. And he like comes back in 2016 like doing 15 hot dogs better and never loses again. Yeah. He gives up on love,

but then he gains the super human ability. And they never got back together. They didn't. He appears to be dating someone now, which unfortunately I know because I check. Of course. Yeah. Just to know.

Yeah. I too would check. But look You may still claim the title Queen of the Hot Dogs When this book comes out There's hope for me yet There's hope

You found an alternate path You're the queen of hot dogs Let's call it Jamie Thanks guys Jamie Queen of Hot Dogs Loftus I think When is the book out?

What is the exact date? May 23rd So the book is out In two days We timed this perfectly We timed it perfectly And it timed it so well that you were here in New York And you actually got to do it in person

This was so awesome And you got to see Blank Chick Studios, drink it in I had Pandora Flakes and everything It was great And see Ben, that's why we don't throw out the Pandora Flakes Because sometimes our guests want them Sometimes your guest is feeling a little peckish Sometimes And see, Ben, that's why we don't throw out the Pandora flakes, because sometimes our guests want them. Sometimes your guest is feeling a little peckish.

Sometimes. It's because of chemicals. Yeah, and you got free chemicals. I love getting free chemicals from my friends. That's great. Everyone should buy Raw Dog. Listen to Bechdelcast. And you're on tour with You're Wrong About, doing a bunch of shows. Yeah, and I'll be on a book tour as well.

Right. You're doing some hot dog toast. You're one of the best in the biz. People just follow everything you do. There will be a link to get the book in the description of this episode. Cool. Yeah. Great.

Great. I don't know why we seem deflated about this. Oh, no. I just. No, no. Griff and I suddenly are like, great. Ben said it. And I was are like, great. Ben said it and I was just like, how do we do that

and should we have been doing that in the past? It's easy. We have been doing it. We do it. Okay. Make a little hyperlink. It's easy.

You know, it's a code. Yeah. Sometimes it's blue. It's blue. Then it turns purple. Then you click it and perp. I know it's not my job, but I just suddenly

went into this motive. If that were assigned to me, would I know how to do this? Griff, if your job was writing the copy for the episode description all these years, Lord knows what would have happened. I'd still be working on Shyamalan episodes. I'm almost done. Thank you for being here, Jamie.

Thanks for having me. And thank you all for listening. Please remember to rate, review, and subscribe. Thank you to Marie Barty for our social media and helping to produce the show. Thank you to Joe Bowen, Pat Reynolds for our artwork, Lane Montgomery and the Great American Novel for our theme song.

AJ McKeon, Alex Barron for our editing, JJ Burst for our research, giving us some nice tight dossiers. Love these tight dossiers. They're dense, full of good info, but they're tight. They're short, JJ. You hear me? We like how short they are. We love how short they are. We can read them on the

subway. Tune in next week for The General and Battling Butler. Is Battling Butler in The General? Battling Butler. What a fucking good title. This Butler battles. And also, what if there were a general? You can go to blankcheckpod.com

for links to some real nerdy shit, including Blank Check Special Features, a Patreon show where we do film series and other bonus things.

We've just done an episode on Buster Keaton shorts. We picked out a bunch of Buster Keaton shorts and did them with our buddy Dana Steven. That's a really fun episode. And we're also doing

the Planet of the Apes movies, the classic Apes movies. We're going ape. We are going ape. David. Yep. We're going ape. We're going ape.

I want to go to a nearby hot dog restaurant with Jamie right now because I'm so fucking hungry. We walked past it on the way here. You've not tried this place before, right? No, but I've heard so many good things. Yeah, let's go over there because I want a fucking dog.

Yep. All right, let's all get dogs. Yeah. And as always, we're all about to eat fucking hot dogs. Such a wholesome

ending.