Blank Check with Griffin & David - The Buried Secret of M. Night Shyamalan

Episode Date: April 12, 2016

In the final episode of the Pod Night Shyamacast mini series, Griffin and David discuss the SyFy Channel hoax documentary, 2004’s The Buried Secret of M. Night Shyamalan. Why is Academy Award nominated documentarian Nathaniel Kahn involved in this project? What are #thetwofriends final thoughts on Shyamalan? Together they analyze Javier the pizza guy’s impact on cinema, Johnny Depp’s appearance, hanging outside of your favorite director’s property gates and pretending to commune with the spirt world.

blank check with griffin and david blank check with griffin and david don't know what to say or to expect all you need to know is that the name of the show is blank check hold on one second i'm just digging this up. Let me just... Sorry. Hold on one second, guys. I'm so glad a guest isn't here to be embarrassed by this. I got my shovel. I'm just trying to pack this dirt, unpack this dirt.

What is this? This is the... Hold on one second. Let me blow the dust off this. This is the buried secret of podcasting. Interesting. I was going to go with the buried podcast, but okay. The buried podcast of Griffin and David.

Of Griffin and David. Of Griffin and David. There we go. There we go. The buried podcast of Griffin and David. Hey, folks, here's a twist for you. I'm Griffin. I'm David.

This is Blank Check. Yes. It's a podcast about directors. Yes. And this is the final bonus episode. This is aank Check. Yes. It's a podcast about directors. Yes. And this is the final bonus episode of our most recent series. We got to say goodbye to a dear old friend. Yeah. His name is Minaj Shyamalan.

He wears a necklace. It's got a Sanskrit poem, a prayer. It protects him from evil things. He's never opened it. But he goes by a different name. He does, yeah. He's sort of the producer Ben of film directors. You guessed who he is by the fact that his name is Manoj Shyamalan. Yeah. Of course, we are

talking about James Cameron. M. Night Shyamalan is the name. We are talking about Jane Campion. No, yeah, Manoj, M. Night Shyamalan, yes. Pot Night Shamacast is the game that we're playing. Yep, but it's thealan is the name. We are talking about Jane Campion. No, yeah, M. Night Shyamalan, yes. Pot Night Shamacast is the game that we're playing. Yep, but it's the end of the game. It's the final round. Bottom of the ninth.

Our last episode, the visit episode, we didn't get enough time to kind of look back. Yeah, and we recorded that like three weeks ago. Yeah, we did. It was back-to-back episodes. When we finished that, we were like, I'm burnt. You know, because we had watched

a lot of tough movies. We were really sick of M. Night. We were really sick of M. Night. But luckily, we were ahead of schedule, which was really lucky because then we hadn't had Because then you sucked

for weeks. I sucked. I've been an asshole with a career for the last couple weeks. Yeah, you've had a career. It's been garbage. I fucking hate it.

It's awful. No worries. I'm going to retire. Yeah, you've had a career. It's been garbage. I fucking hate it. It's awful. No worries. I'm going to retire. Oh, you should. Yeah. But yeah, we're back in the studio now. We had some time to breathe, let it air out. And we just, we need final thoughts on this guy. We did. And so we're hanging those final thoughts around a very

loose framework. Around one of the most dog shit pieces of entertainment I've ever had to experience. I think even calling it entertainment is generous. Yeah, one of the worst assemblages of shots and sound and pictures. I don't know how you can call

it a film exactly. I try not to use this term non-ironically because it makes my skin crawl. We're not just a bad movies podcast. Yeah. No. No. No. We do good movies. Yep. We're not just a bad movies podcast. Yeah. No. No. We do good movies. Yep. We're going to do some good movies.

We're doing two back-to-back bad movies this weekend. But, I mean, when we're recording, by the way. Yes. But our next miniseries. It's going to be a lot of movies we like. Okay. We defend the ones that people don't like. Exactly.

Yeah. We might each pick one film we don't like. But that's probably it most. Do you like all of them? I maybe dislike one, but I don't know. We gotta rewatch. We gotta see. A lot of them I haven't seen in a while. I'm saying there might be one I dislike.

I don't know yet. It's The Matrix, isn't it? That would be funny if that was the one you picked. The Matrix is so stupid. Fuck The Matrix. Anyway, we're talking about M. Night Shyamalan, and we are talking about... What I was going to say is I try not to use this term non-ironically. What's the term?

This is just a piece of content. Do you know what I'm saying? Yes. To call it entertainment implies that it can entertain. This is content. It exists. It exists. It ate up three hours of air time in 2004 on the SyFy channel.

It's currently eating up bandwidth on YouTube. Like, probably just a very small amount of bandwidth. Spread over 13 parts on YouTube if you want to experience it. I bought the DVD and I can tell you. Did you? Yeah, it's full of data. You maniac. You bought the DVD?

Yeah. Did you watch it on DVD? Yeah. Oh, interesting. I watch it on YouTube. It's on YouTube, guys. What we're talking about- DVD picture quality was great, by the way.

It's the second film by Oscar-nominated documentary filmmaker Nathaniel Kahn. Nathaniel Kahn. His second film. His first film was called My Architect. It's pretty good. I liked it. Good movie. Nominated.

I haven't seen it in like 13 years or whatever. But it was about his father was an architect. His father was a personal journey through the life of his dad. His father died when he was young. He never had much relationship with him. And it's him trying to come to understand now as an adult his father through his work. So he travels around to see the things his father constructed. Right.

It's called My Architect. We're not discussing that. Absolutely not discussing it. We're not going to discuss it. It lost to, I don't know, can you guess? 2000, was that the Bowling Cup for Columbine year maybe? 2003? That sounds possible.

Or would the Bowling Cup come out in 2002 or 2003? But we were at war. Remember? Because he gave the, no, it was The Fog of War. One of the greatest documentaries ever made He's a phenomenal film One best documentary but he was nominated And then after that

He made a movie for the Sci-Fi Channel Not SIFI as it is now known The Sci-Fi Channel Remember when fucking Sci-Fi Channel Rocked and like their logo was like The planet Saturn it was great S-C-I-F-I There's a hyphen in there. C-H-A-N-N-E-L

C-H-A-N-N-E-L The film is The Buried Secret of M. Night Shyamalan. Now do you know this David that after this piece of content Nathaniel Khan made a documentary short. He did. That was Two Hands. Also nominated for an Oscar.

He's made, he's been nominated for two Academy Awards. But an Oscar sandwich. He did. That was Two Hands. Also nominated for an Oscar. He's made, he's nominated for two Academy Awards. But an Oscar sandwich. He got two Oscar nominated projects on either side of this piece of work. Good for him. So, backstory. The year is 2003. M. Night Shyamalan is deep. He's shooting

my favorite movie of his. Deep in production on The Village. Correct. He is starting to really get into. He's in my favorite movie of his. Deep in production on The Village. Correct. He is starting to really get into. He's in Chester County, Pennsylvania. Yeah. Shooting this thing. They cleared out some farmland. Yeah. Yeah. And he's getting really into building this mythology. We could have done a bit where we just pretended

that this was a real documentary, but that probably wouldn't have been funny, right? I was just thinking about it. Yeah. Doesn't matter. Go ahead. He's deep in The Village. I just also thought it but uh yeah doesn't matter go ahead yeah he's deep in the village i just also thought it would have been funny if we recorded our episode of the village and pretended that it was 1872 throughout the whole episode what is this device in front of me brother no okay i don't remember how they talk in that movie um he's shooting the village he's shooting the village and he he gets into this idea so he goes to sci-fi channel and he's like what if

we made a documentary do you think he went straight to the sci-fi channel or idea. So he goes to Sci-Fi Channel and he's like, what if we made a documentary? Do you think he went straight to the Sci-Fi Channel? Or do you think he went to NBC and NBC was like, get the fuck out of here? I think first he went to the U.S. Government Department of Arts and Letters. He went to Errol Morris. He took them all down. He went to every major documentary. I will say though, Nathaniel Kahn is a Philly boy. So I think he might have been high up the list. Nathaniel Kahn is from Philadelphia. He went to every major documentary. I will say, though, Nathaniel Kahn is a Philly boy.

So I think he might have been high up the list for that. Nathaniel Kahn is from Philadelphia. He'd done some good work, and he was a Philly boy. So yeah, no. Shyamalan's making The Village. He goes to the Sifu Channel. Yeah. And he says, you're going to make a documentary about making The Village.

Yeah. Right? Right. But let's do it Blair Witch style. Let's pretend that I don't want you to make this documentary. Let's fake it up. Yeah, it's kind of a mix of the Blair Witch Project and I don't like that documentary about Metallica. Yeah, some kind of monster.

Some kind of monster. It's like a found footage horror movie and also about a really annoying artist. Yes. Who is like a total pain in the ass. But the levels of narcissism and self-indulgence here are... This is why we have to discuss it. I want you to make a documentary

about people who are so eager to find out everything about me, but I'm going to pretend like I didn't want you to make this. Correct. And publicly play that charade. Right. Let's first discuss... I want to just briefly,

before we get to the content, this was pitched, yes, and advertised as like, oh, it's the movie he doesn't want you to see. It's about M. Night Shyamalan's buried secrets, all of the secrets. Yeah. And they convinced the Associated Press, which is a national journalistic organization,

that they pitched them this, and AP bit, and they said, oh, Shyamalan was furious when they made this movie, and he walked out of filming or whatever. And then before this thing even aired on the SyFy channel, SyFy channel and NBC, I think who owned them at the time had to publicly

apologize for fooling the press. Yes. And so the secret was blown before this thing even aired. Yeah and they because it was getting written up like in the papers and stuff and then I remember in page six them having an item that

was like spoken to people you know close to production and I'm hearing that m night was very involved with the film the entire time it was a producer on it this and that like someone else broke the story and nbc universal had to be like cards on the table it's just funny that it didn't even get to air no once and do its dumb little joke right before nbc was like we're really sorry we made this thing. Which also means that by the time it aired, absolutely no one wanted to watch it. Did anyone watch it? No.

I think it got abysmal ratings. But before we get into it, there's something I have to say. Yep. Very, very happy to have sitting with us at the table again. In the studio at the table. Yeah, yeah. He's been switching back and forth. He's here. He's there. In a box with, yeah. He's been switching back and forth.

He's here, he's there, in a box with a fox. What's his name? His name's Producer Ben. Great. Hey, guys. Always happy to be in the room with you. A.K.a. Producer Ben, A.K.a. the Ben Ducer, A.K.a. the Poet Laureate, A.K.a. the Haas, A.K.a. Mr. Positive, A.K.a. Hello Fennel,

A.K.a. Birthday Benny, A.K.a. the Tiebreaker, A.K.a. the Peeper, A.K.a. Mr. Positive. He's not Professor Crispy. You tried to give him a new one in the last episode. The fuckmaster? I've actually had a few people tell me they like the fuckmaster. Really? He's the fuckmaster.

Then it's in there. It's in there. Now, we coined a name, a sort of ceremonial name, when we were shedding our Star Wars wings, right? Producer Ben Kenobi. And then as The Force Awakens came out, you know, that was really sort of... Kylo Ben.

Kylo Ben. I feel that we need to, you know, add a name for each miniseries we do. Oh, you want to give him a Shyamalan name? Ben Knight Shyamalan. So obvious, really. How did we not think of that? So, Ben, you've graduated.

Ben, you're here. Ben Knight. You've graduated from the Pod Night Shamakast miniseries, and you walk out of it with another title on your chest. Ben Knight Shyamalan. Wow. How are you doing today? I'm doing fucking fantastic.

We're done with this shit. Yep. No more Shyamalan. We're done with this shit. The thing with Shyamalan, and I think we talked about it in the episode. It's like you're like, oh, fun movies, interesting, great. And then you just hit a wall and it's just garbage. There's no preparation and then you don't pull out of it. The visit, I guess, is good.

But it's weeks of nonsense. It's a bummer. When we had a couple of years in between each of those movies and you were like, I don't know, maybe he's going to pull it out. But watching them and knowing like, five days I have to watch that. Knowing what's coming up next. We got a very nice write-up from Pace Magazine. Thank you, Pace Magazine.

I don't know why they decided to do that. A writer I'd never heard of. I saw the piece and I was like, oh, it must be someone who we know who follows us on Twitter who wrote it up. It was someone I'd never heard of before. And I'm freaking out now, but thank you for writing us up.

But they said they were reviewing our episode on The Visit. Yeah. And they were saying it was nice and kind of emotional to hear the uplift in our voice that we were ending on a note, a promise that we felt like we were being saved from this thing.

So then we decided to do an episode about the buried secret of M. Night Shyamalan. We're just burying ourselves back under. He didn't make it. He didn't make it. He didn't direct it. Right. He was involved, clearly.

He didn't necessarily feed everyone lines when talking about him. Yeah. No. Yeah. I swear to God. We got a lot of questions. People being like, aren't you going to cover Devil? Didn't he direct that?

No, he produced that. He produced it, and I believe he wrote the story. Yeah. There was a shingle he was going to start up called The Night Chronicles and Universal was going to release low budget films that were his ideas and that was the only one that happened. Wayward Pines

I believe he only directed the pilot. There are some things like this that people ask about. Oh, are you going to cover Stuart Little? No, he's one of two credit screenwriters. I think he enjoyed writing Stuart Little and that's the end of that. Yeah, exactly. He was a ghostwriter, no pun intended, on She's All That. Are we going to cover that?

No, we're not going to cover that. We could be here all day. But Buried Secret, we wanted to do one final thing. Just to think about him. And this is, you know, I think this film, he did not direct it, but it was his brainchild. He willed into existence. The only reason it was made was because he convinced other direct it, but it was his brainchild. He willed it into existence. The only reason it was made was because he convinced other people it was worth making. Sure.

And it is. And it was coming, like we said, you know, it was coming at a Blair Witchy, you know, that was still hot, you know, the sort of mockumentary horror movie. I also think doing this right after The Visit is fascinating because The Visit is also a fake documentary. It's true. Albeit a infinitely more successful. Most found footage movies are not fake documentaries.

This is the thing. It's a slightly different genre, whereas The Visit is a fake documentary. It's a fake documentary. It's been cut together. It's not a found footage film. Same thing with Blair Witch. And same thing with this. This is a film that is ostensibly-

It's not a horror movie, this film. It is a nothing movie. No. Okay, here's the other thing we need to talk about before we get into the film. You're in it. I'm not in this movie. No. Okay, so I had not seen it before tonight and then this morning I watched it.

You are, according to IMDB, you are 13th in appearance. Ooh, 13. As a teenage fan. Might be a sign. Okay, so we need to discuss all of this okay uh I said I'm so excited I said somewhat erroneously

in the uh our last airbender episode yeah you said that you're sort of biking around in the background basically of a scene yeah but I also said that uh last airbender was the first movie I auditioned for which is obviously not true because this was filmed before that, right? So I

started doing stand-up when I was 10 years old because I'm a broken human being. And I did that for a couple years and I got some attention. You were a little, the stand-up tyke. I was a little tyke. You were like Lights, Camera, Jackson but with stand-up. I was like Lights, Camera, Jackson. I only did political humor. So it was like a weird what yeah are you serious yeah have we ever talked

about this my dad really liked politics and the only way i could make my dad laugh was if i made jokes about politicians so i like got really good at making jokes about politicians around the house i wasn't talking about like fucking policy i understand i was like oh katherine harris wears too much makeup or like you know i know. I know, I get you. Yeah, whatever the latest scandal was. I was really good on political scandals, right? So then when I started doing stand-up, I was like, I'm going to do stuff that makes my dad laugh. Yeah.

And then people were like, what the fuck is this robot child doing here? So you really were Lights, Camera, Jackson. I was. I was like four foot negative 12 inches tall. And my t-shirt was down to my knees because no clothes fit me. And I wear a backwards hat all the time. And I had like a helium voice. And I did like all political humor.

And it got some attention, right? Okay. And so you're saying you got cast off of this? No, I'm saying I started auditioning. I was in the audience. You didn't open Mike in Philly. What's the Philly venue? Funny Bone. I'm saying I started auditioning. M. Night was in the audience. You didn't open Mike and Philly. What's the Philly venue? Funny Bone. I don't know.

Helium. Fuck, you nailed it. Good job, Ben. My parents very much didn't want me to become an actor at all. Sure. Yeah, they were smart. And especially didn't want me to be a stage kid. And I was at the age of four like, I want to be

in movies. And they were like, absolutely, absolutely not. Absolutely not. But I started doing the stand-up thing and then I got attention from that. And my mother was. What did your parents want you to do? I don't know. I just think. They weren't guiding you towards like being a lawyer.

No, there never seemed to be any guidance. I think they actually, a writer maybe, but outside of the entertainment industry, maybe like a playwright would have been their ideal. I'm just looking at Lights Gamer Jackson's Twitter feed right now. I gotta be honest.

Any good stuff? Well, he brought the boss to a screening of The Boss. By the way, The Boss is his mother. Oh, Jesus Christ. He wished Patty Arquette a happy birthday. Did he call her Patty or are we calling her Patty? She is at Patty Arquette on Twitter. Oh, Jesus Christ. He wished Patty Arquette a happy birthday. Did he call her Patty or are we calling her Patty? She is at Patty Arquette on Twitter. Oh, that's cool.

And he said, have a medium-sized celebration, which I believe is a reference to her canceled TV show, Medium. Yeah. Lights Cameron Jackson has blocked me on Twitter. I forgot about that. And I hate it because I like looking at his tweets and I can only see them now when other people retweet them.

I need to like... Oh, he went to visit SUNY Purchase because it's time to start seriously thinking about college. Then he posted a picture of himself by a clock. Have we talked about trying to get him as a guest on this show? Yeah, I don't want to do that. You don't want to do that? We've talked about it.

I'd love to do it. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I don't want to do that. You don't want to do that? We've talked about it. I'd love to do it. Yeah, I know. My mother was an actress.

She retired when I was born. Mm-hmm. So she really wanted to be in the film industry. Yeah. And sort of couldn't pull it off. No, no, I understand, right. And my father ended up working in the film industry by accident and hated it. Yeah. And now he's a teacher and teaches students how to not make all the mistakes he made in

his life. Right. And he finds that cathartic. Yeah. But I had two parents, one who wanted to be in the industry and was miserable because she couldn't hit what she wanted to hit. Yeah. And one who didn't want to be in it and was miserable because he hated being in it.

Yeah. And so both my parents were like, don't do this. But you did it. I did it, of course, because they told me not to do it. It's the same reason I don't speak French. It's because my mom wanted me to speak French. When I was doing stand-up, they started putting me up for auditions. And so I was very sporadically, throughout my adolescence, auditioning for stuff.

And not getting jobs. No, I get you. But I was very sporadically doing that. And this, the Buried Secret of Amityan Chalun was the one, I get you. I was very sporadically doing that. And this, Buried Secret of Amityan was the one job I ever got. Anyway. And then when I went off to college I sort of had this realization that I wanted

to be acting and I dropped out and I started doing it seriously. I made Beware of the Gonzo and the rest is history. Wait, you were in four episodes of Gravity? Yeah. Wow. How was that, you were in four episodes of Gravity? Yeah. Wow, how was that? I shot four episodes worth of scenes in an hour and a half.

Wow, Mike Binder. Not Mike Binder, it's the other one. Oh, it's the other guy. It's the other guy I can't stand who seems to make an incredible amount of things. It's not Mike Binder. It's the other one. What the fuck is his name?

You know exactly what I meant when I said the other one. Eric Schaefer. Eric Schaefer, yes. This is a nice walk down memory lane. Me and Pilot were just talking about Gravity. Our past guest, Pilot Vero, about how it was arguably the worst television show ever created. No offense.

No, many thought so. Pilot cover Gravity or review Gravity for AV Club? I don't believe so. Because I distinctly remember the AV Club review, which the opening sentence was, Gravity, easily the worst television series of the year. It was so bad. Yeah, I played a gay computer hacker who joked about... Kristen Ritter.

And Stacy's mom was on it. What's her name? Pretty hard to find Stacy's mom from This is Mountain of Wainscoting. Yeah. Rachel Hunter? Is that her name? Yes. It's hard to find the AV Club's Gravity review because there's also reviews of the great

cartoon series Gravity Falls. So yeah. I'm not going to find it. The Last Airbender was like the first thing I auditioned for when I was like, I'm trying to be an actor. Yeah, yeah. And up until- You're okay to talk about this though, right?

We're not like- No. You're okay with it? Because if you have a problem with this, we could stop right now. I just want to make sure you're good. Ben is functioning as my PR person for this episode. Griffin, if you don't want to talk about this. No, I'm comfortable talking about it.

Will you just shoo that crow out of the studio? I will. You guys shouldn't watch this because it's very long and very bad. But I will say, if you do watch it, you will understand the handful of references we make to it in this episode. Okay, so here's the end of my involvement and connection to this thing. You're cast in this thing as a teenage fan.

Right. The casting director, Doug Abel, who I referenced in previous episodes, was one of the guys who would call me into audition for stuff. And I was a big M. Night Shyamalan fan. And they called me into audition for this stuff, and they were like, it's a top secret project. It's an M. Night Shyamalan thing. We called me in to audition for this stuff and they were like, it's a top secret project. It's an M. Night Shyamalan thing. We need improvisers.

Did you sign a non-disclosure agreement? Yes. So this is the first time I've ever talked about this. Breaching contract, actually? Yeah, probably. Just say allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly. Boom.

Allegedly I auditioned for this, right? All right. And they were like. Let's wrap this story up. They were like, no, you're still auditioning for it. Fucking hell. No, in the audition, they just said like, okay, so just talk to me about what do you like about M. Night Shyamalan's movies and just sort of imply that you think that there's some bigger phenomenon going on, but don't say what it is.

And it was him interviewing me. Like the film phenomenon. Right. And then I got the part. I was really excited. Got to miss school for a day. Which is cool. My freshman year of high school, right?

Got two scenes. So if you've watched this film, I shot two scenes. I went home. I was back at school the next day. I took the train in and out of Philly. The iconic Philly train station from Unbreakable. Yeah, absolutely. I was waiting there, right?

I thought I had been completely cut out of the film. And you were right. Because I thought the role had been cut out. Yeah, yeah, I understand you. Then the reviews started coming out. And they all said, Griffin Newman ruins the film. So I was like, I guess they recast it. Right.

But I might be in there like... In there somewhere. In a group thing. You didn't worry enough to actually watch the fucking thing. I never wanted to watch it, but I thought I was. So here's where my role would have been. There's a scene in the film.

Pretty early on. Should we start from the beginning of the movie? Okay. So the movie is about Nathaniel Kahn being contracted to make a run of the mill documentary. Although we do begin, I suppose in media's res. Yeah,

we have to say where he's like, he's been checked out. It's a panning shot of an empty hotel room, right? That's perfectly made. I won't dignify this. You don't see any people on screen. And he's like angrily on the phone.

And you hear his voice and he's like, we did not, my party has not checked out. What is happening here? My computer's gone. As if it's like a stunning occurrence. Anyway. Usually when things start in media res, the idea is you go, how did you get to this point? How could this have happened? And then you have to back up to show what happened.

So he's making a movie about M. Night Shyamalan making The Village. He's been contracted to make a making of, essentially. Right. At one point, Adrian Brody is like, well, this was an EPK, which is an electronic press kit for you guys. Right. Which is like DVD extras. And that's like the production itself is filming that stuff. Exactly.

Then you're allowed to like, you can be candid and say like, oh, it's crazy. I'm Adrian Brody and it's crazy when I stab Joaquin Phoenix. So I guess the reality of this film is that the Sci-Fi Channel came to him, said M. Night Shyamalan's making a new movie. We want to independently make a film behind the scenes of his film. So we're

going to try to get you clearance as if you are a press person. Produce an hour and a half. Two hours. Well, I'm saying maybe at the time they thought it was going to be an hour and a half. Oh, within the reality of this fucking movie. Within the reality of this fucking fictional movie. Right, but I think that's the idea. Yeah, whatever, whatever.

But that has never happened in the history of the world. There's an unauthorized feature-length documentary. No, but it is authorized. I'm not saying authorized, non-authorized. Yeah, I don't know. You don't have to answer that question, Griffin, if you don't want to. I appreciate that. He goes to the set of The Village.

It's the real set. You know, things happening. Yeah, night's like really intense and like don't get in his eyeline when he's directing and he doesn't want to interview on camera right now, but you can go meet him. Yeah. And he like goes to meet him and like there's weird electronic interference. And it says like it's a super title like audio cut out audio malfunction audio malfunctions the first time this happened several times you know

and you just hear em like go like it's a lot so it's like the movie is trying to present him as this like reclusive yeah crazy person right and so they go to his house which is an objectively creepy thing to do so early in the movie, to go outside his gated mansion in the Philadelphia suburbs. Standing outside this house, teenagers wearing hoodies, and Nathaniel Cronin's like, oh,

they're probably just hanging out, they want an autograph. When has that ever happened? When has that ever happened? Who's the most famous director that's never happened once to them in their entire life? Like, the only people who will wait outside a gate like that

are people whose wires are so crossed that they believe, like, Leo's gonna see me and fall in love with me. Yeah, of course. You know? I mean, you're supposed

to believe that there are a bunch of teenagers because they love M. Night Shyamalan and the mysterious supernatural origins of his directing powers. But once again, that is literally what they again, I just want to restate,

the implication is that they are there frequently. Yeah, all the time. And they're just like, you don't know? Like, as if it is commonly known knowledge that M. Night Shyamalan can commune with the spirit world. Right? Yeah. This is the scene you were supposed to be in.

In touch with another dimension. So I was supposed to be one of these kids. I was riding a bicycle. I was quiet. I was wearing a hoodie wearing a hoodie right yeah sure uh i'm not visible at all in this film the scene was totally reshot i think it was even like a different location sure for sure um but you're saying you weren't actually at m night's house anyway go ahead yeah uh well that that's the point i didn't really want to be an actor at this point i was like i don't know you want to pay me to miss school i'll do it like i at this point also had stopped doing

stand-up. Like, I had retired at the age of 13. You know, the Bush era was getting you down. Is that what it was? Yeah, I was just in my angsty teenage phase. I didn't know what I wanted to do. And, yeah, I just would, like, occasionally go on an audition because I was like, well, it would be cool if I got paid money to miss school.

Like, that was my thing. Sure. And then a couple years later, I was like, oh, I really want to be acting. I sort of got the bug. Yeah, but where are the guns, though? Yeah, where are the guns? I changed everything. And I had long, long hair. I looked like a br, I really want to be acting. I sort of got the bug. Yeah, but where are the cons of it? Yeah, where are the cons of it changed everything. And I had long, long hair.

I looked like a brunette carrot top. Like, I thought if I grew my hair and I didn't get a haircut, I would look like Lars Jurek from Metallica. I've seen pictures. Wow, second Metallica reference. Yeah. I've seen pictures of you on your Facebook page as a younger man. I can picture it.

It was bad. Okay. So I was riding around on a bicycle, and then he would, like like be asking these general questions. And then he'd like sort of notice me. Right. That I was like the kid who wasn't saying anything. Uh huh.

And like point me out. What's with this kid? Asking me questions. I was originally the Ouija board kid. Oh you were going to be the Ouija board kid. I was going to be the Ouija board kid. So the following scene in the film is they go to the house. There's this one kid.

Yeah. I can't look up who it is. Yeah. Some kid. film is they go to the house there's this one kid yeah i can't look up who it is yeah some kid uh and but i mean like i just can't get past the premise that these kids somehow know about this yeah everyone so it brings out a ouija board yes and they ask the ouija oh my god that the bottle just moved that snapple bottle is as if possessed what What? No, yeah, they asked the Ouija board if the spirit world has been in contact with someone called...

That's such a great podcast joke. That sounds like a visual gag. Also, you know what else is great? Us doing this thing about a thing no one has ever watched or ever will watch. I will say my friend Matt Singer, who I don't think listens to this podcast, but he said...

Of Film Spotting SVU? Yes, of Film Spotting SVU, a great podcast. He works for Screen Crush. I always confuse Screen Crush and Screen Rant, even though one is good and one is terrible. Yeah. Rantworthy. Boy.

He reviewed this film for IFC.com. Well, I've read that piece. Yes. So, you know, it's like, yes, in a sort of, you know, retrospective, isn't this crazy thing? So he's seen it. I don't know if anyone else in the world has ever seen it.

I don't know if anyone else has seen it. I mean, once again, it was my first acting job, and I had not seen it until 12 hours ago. They go and they ask the Ouija board, does anyone in this spirit world commune with someone called Night? No reaction.

The kid's like, well, ask his real name. And the guy's like, oh yeah, his real name, Minaj. Okay. Tries that. Boom! So when I shot the scene... So you shot the Ouija board scene. I shot it. I didn't know that was... Okay, okayries that. Boom. Okay, so when I shot the scene. So you shot the Ouija board scene. I shot it. I didn't know that was. Okay.

Okay, cool. So you did a bad job and they recast you. I think so. Did you shoot the chat room shit? No. Okay. So here's the other thing. So maybe they just wanted to add the chat room stuff because that's so great.

So wait. So how did they shoot the Ouija board scene? Okay, so this is. Was there a magnet? This is the insight I can give you here, okay? When I shot the scene, we go down to the basement, we were doing the Ouija board, and then we just fucking did a Ouija board.

Maybe they thought, like, let's spice this up a little bit. I think that might have been the reason for reshits. This is already the most boring thing that ever happened. Right, because what happens here is they have, like, a fucking magnet under the table. Yeah, and it, like, genuinely moves of its own volition. They lift their hands off. Their hands are up over their heads,

and the thing moves. And then after, didn't you guys shoot something where you did light as a feather, stiff as a board? Benny! That's killing it today. Benny's kicking ass. Yeah, okay, so then the kid shows him a website. He's like, where do you know about this stuff?

Oh my God. So I the kid shows him a website. He's like, where do you know about this? Oh my God. So, I mean, and this is, who doesn't enjoy an early aughts films complete misunderstanding of how the internet works? Okay. So here's great. Here's the structure of this website. You have to take a quiz about M Nightmare. Multiple choices.

There are very obvious answers. It's basically like, is he from Philadelphia? Yes. No. Like things like that. Yeah. What's his favorite number? You know, and it's like six

because of the sixth sense oh my god so Nathaniel Khan aces this quiz right yeah he kicks ass he gets one wrong and the kid helps him on one question I can't remember what it is okay so once he gets he finishes the quiz and you're in the M night yeah sure well that was

true to life that is what websites were like in 2003 but that's not main landing page, right? First you go straight to the quiz. And if you ace the quiz, you get a flash intro. You can't skip the flash intro, right? And the intro is a bunch of- You never could skip a flash intro. Of course not.

It was the whole thing. And then you take another quiz and find out which Dave Matthews band song you are. I just want to... The flash intro is a bunch of still images of M. Night Shyamalan that are just sort of sliding over each other. And then the website then is just a chat room. There may be other verticals in this website,

but we don't see them. We just see a site called Chat. We have two people in the chat room. One is the director, Nathaniel Khan. I forgot his name. And the other is someone with a name and then a number corresponding to how

deep their knowledge of M. Night goes. From one to five. Guys, this is the movie. It was three hours long. It aired on the Sci-Fi channel. Three hours with ads. It's two hours and ten minutes without ads. And I had to watch this last night. I want to investigate the logic of this chat room thing for like 45 minutes here, okay? It's two hours and ten minutes without ads. And I had to watch this last night. I want to investigate the logic of this chat room thing for like 45 minutes here, okay?

It's bonkers. Does it change your name automatically? Do you take a better quiz? It's like he passes that quiz, he gets a one, right? Yeah, so do you get a different quiz every time? Oh, I thought it was like 10,000 hours kind of thing. Maybe it's a Malcolm Gladwell thing. That's perfectly fair.

Malcolm Gladwell was the mod in the chat. They made that very clear. Can I just identify a moment here I love? Nathaniel Khan goes, what's the deal with all the numbers? As if the idea of people having numbers in their usernames is so foreign that it needs to be called out.

Everyone has one single digit number between one and five at the end of their username. And he's like, oh, you don't know? And then it's like, yeah, the numbers are relational. How deep you go, how much you know about M9. The first time he's on this chat room, guys, this movie. It also sounds like Scientology levels.

Like it's like the level seven. I know you guys think we're going to, yeah, totally. You think we're going to just talk about this movie for so long. But really, like, there's like three things that happen that are funny. And then that's kind of it. It's like one, like one idea. And then they just kind of spin their wheels for like an hour and a half. Well, the last 60% of the movie is the filmmaker deciding whether or not to release the film. Yeah, and whether or not to like ask Knight one last question.

Like whether or not he should show this footage to anyone. Okay, so he talks to a five, a level five on this chat room. Yeah. This guy can sense what he's wearing. Yeah. Where he is. Yeah. It's intense room. Yeah. This guy can sense what he's wearing. Yeah. Where he is. Yeah. It's intense stuff. Okay. So Khan is going deep,

right? Yeah. He's fallen down the rabbit hole. He's back in his hotel room with his crew. This is the one, I mean, what can you say about this scene? It's like cinema, right? You know? You've got like Murnau.

You've got Griffith. You've got the studio era. You know, you've got the French New Wave. You've got it all. And then Javier, the pizza delivery guy, shows up in this movie. And cinema closes the book and starts a new one. Because he says, oh, and I also know tech stuff. And the idea, the idea, it is outrageous.

He has two pizza boxes under his arm. This is obviously a guy they were just like, they handed him two empty boxes and they were like, ah, you're a pizza guy. Yeah. And he's like, can I use my name? And they're like, yeah, sure. He's like, great, I'm Javier the pizza guy. They're like, oh, but you need to know how to use a chat room. Yeah.

And action. And the idea, I guess, is that Javier will be able to figure out how they were able to know what Nathaniel Khan was wearing. He then goes on the chat room and asks what someone's wearing and he goes, this is not that kind of sight, buddy. You know, it's like a sex joke. Yeah, they neg him. Anyway. There's nothing to say about this scene. Can I say something else? Yeah.

So there are. Or this scene. Can I say something else? Yeah. So there are- Or this movie. Yeah. There are moments in this film where you are clearly watching interviews with people off the street who don't know that they're in a fictional documentary. Yeah, and I think they're just being asked- Hold on a second. Did you order a pizza, David?

Oh, hey, who's this? Oh, hey. What's up, man? You guys got a pizza? Yeah, I can't hear you. You're not on mic. What's going on? Wait, are those two pizza boxes under your arm?

What are you guys making, a radio show? We're doing a podcast. You wouldn't know anything about that, right? No, I don't know anything about podcasts. Oh, really? I thought maybe... That's not going with the bit. I thought maybe you'd do some podcasts on the side.

Oh. Oh, podcast. No one gets this. No one saw this stupid movie. So let's just wrap. I'm just going to wrap up the main point of this. I don't want to drag it out like this thing does. Okay, yeah. And I want to say

so it's clear that this thing wants to include all three major Shyamalan movies as part of some sort of interconnected mythology behind the director. Oh, I just want to say this before we get into this. This was the Javier point, right? Is that Javier, there are points in the film where he's walking around the streets of Philadelphia

and asking people on the street, do you know about M. Night Shyamalan? They're doing a vox pop. Right, and you sense, oh right, this is what a real documentary looks like. Sure. This is how real people talk when they're not acting. And then Javier comes in and he's

out of a fucking Mama's Family episode. Javier's like, oh yeah, he's a good he makes movies, so they're in Philadelphia, I guess. They have nothing to say. On one hand, the performances are not even really anywhere within the realm of realism.

No. They're so heightened. The fact that they actually thought they would be able to televise this and have people believe that it was a real thing. Two is the structure of the film, how it's shot, which things are on camera. I mean, we talked about this. Every room is like lit for cinema. It makes no sense at all. Oh, wait, the pizza guy's coming.

The pizza guy's coming. Put the cameras on. And also, have you- Is that a camera? Are you guys making a movie? Have you ever seen a documentary that is more than half about... About the making of the documentary? No. Beyond that, more than half about whether or not anyone will ever see the documentary.

Like the filmmakers watching the scenes they just shot and being like, I don't know, should we show this to people? The documentary should begin with this. Yeah. M. Night Shyamalan, you've heard of him. Director, right? One minute montage of M. Night Shyamalan's work. When he was 10 years old, he fell into a fucking ice pond and was dead for 35 minutes.

And then they revived him. And that gave him the ability to commune with the dead. Here, we're going to lay out why this is true. Right. Instead, the movie has this pure narrative where they discover this very slowly over the course of three hours. You're saying the movie has this like pure narrative where it's like they discover this very slowly over the course of three hours. You're saying the more interesting version of this if you were going to make this wrong. This is a documentary making a

very specific and very you know inflammatory argument about somebody. Like you would probably lead with that and then try to back up your evidence. So like do it as loose change. Do it as loose change man. Loose change. That's what you have to do. It has to be like a conspiracy theory documentary. Right.

Right. Exactly. And like just, yeah, whatever. Instead it's basically Nathaniel Kahn. Watching him trying to solve a mystery. Who has been paid to like make a shill like documentary. Right. Stumbles very slowly into, after talking to some teenagers and going on a chat room into this mysterious

myth about M. Night which is that he died for 35 minutes when he was 10 years old but look at the films David look at the past films his childhood films there's a part of the film where he goes to M. Night's childhood neighborhood right

and he's like did M. Night used to live here and they're like I'm not gonna talk about that like it's like everyone's in on it. It's a conspiracy. Some people are like, no, I can't talk to you about that. And they like turn pale and they like won't talk anymore. Other people are like, well, let me tell you something about him. He fell into an ice pond for 35 minutes. You know, like it's like we, and all right, there's so much to say.

There's an old lady who's like, oh, I remember M. Night used to make films. I have his movies. It's like, what? It's like, yeah, I have like 20 VHS tapes. What was your relation to him? Sometimes to make films. It's like, what? It's like, yeah, I have like 20 VHS tapes. What was your relation to him? Sometimes he made films in my... Yeah. One time he filmed in my front yard as a location.

And she watches them. She breaks them down. She's like, look at that, the use of light there. You can see the character starting a new chapter. Like there is a point where she says like the light comes in and now everything's changed. I know. And like they're authorized. Every interview has authorized or not authorized

underneath it in a subtitle. Some of the authorized people basically say like, yeah, I mean, he was a nice normal kid and he made movies and then, oh, I guess I shouldn't talk about this. As if they're just realizing that, like even though M. Night apparently authorized them to speak to them, it doesn't make any sense.

Here's another thing that happens. I know you haven't seen this movie and I'm sorry I'm nitpicking at it. Here's another thing that happens at least three times in the movie. People reference how handsome M. Night Shyamalan is. He's kind of handsome. He's not a bad looking guy. He's a decent looking guy.

But they do talk about it a lot. They go to a childhood teacher. And they go like, I remember him so vividly. he was so smart he had stunning eyes like did she like hits on like his eyes were just so beautiful right there's another point where they say like he was such a handsome man there's a point where they talk to a fake childhood friend of his and they're like so what's m night to you and it's like what's m night to me when i think of m night i think about the guy who always stole my girlfriends yeah and

it was like really it's like uh no i mean just just one just one but they like keep on hitting this point and it's like this lady mcpherson yeah sorry go ahead yeah yeah they keep talking about how he's a lady killer they keep on talking about he's just a fucking handsome dashing guy who women are so innately attracted to right and how he always had this thing now they go to the teacher and they're like uh you know, he was very smart, stunning eyes, he had a great dick, he was beautiful. At his Catholic school, that is accurate.

I mean, I don't know if it's his, but he's at least a nun. Yeah. And she's like, desocialized with other people. And it's like, well, there was one boy he was very interested in. He used to draw him a lot. His name was Henry. And now, it's immediately obvious to everyone but filmmaker Nathaniel Kahn

that she is talking about an imaginary friend. And then she digs up a picture of a boy in period clothing. She has kept a drawing. He goes she goes do you want to see it? I would keep this drawing. It's a fucked up drawing. It's the funniest drawing I've ever seen. It's a boy in period clothing. He's got

like little suspenders. One of his eyes looks like it's been punched repeatedly. It's looking in the wrong direction because it's a corpse. It's a dead boy. He's got a Marty Feldman eye. He's got a Marty Feldman eye. That's exactly right. And the other eye is drooping. And looking in the wrong direction.

So basically the theory of this movie is one, the sixth sense. M. Night can see the dead, right? Right. Two, unbreakable. He got this power when he drowned, like through water. And three, signs. He lived at the signs house when this happened.

The signs one is the toughest one to connect because it's about aliens. Oh, I should also say there's a scene where Nathaniel Cohn just watches the movie Signs and says how good it is he's like this is great you don't see the alien for like an hour

that's filmmaking that's really good filmmaking so it's like one talks to the dead that's the real thing that's the sixth sense and the poster of this movie looked like the sixth sense

except it was coming out of the thing and instead of a six I believe it's an S shape in the background. Yeah. Because it's a secret.

And then Unbreakable is just the water thing. Unbreakable. Unbreakable. You're gonna you got that right? Drop it in. You're gonna drop it in?

Yeah. Unbreakable. It's back on April 13th. Great show. I've been watching it. Season two. It's still good. So he fell in the water

but for 35 minutes and we talked to a doctor who says that that is possible because hypothermia preserves the body. Yeah. But he was dead. Right. And then signs, yeah, it was the signs out. And there's one point where he's like reviewing all the footage from all the films and trying to connect the dots. And they go like, they play.

They show a lot of clips from the film. So they play the Sixth Sense, Haley Jalosman talking about seeing dead people. And he like goes to the Sixth Sense church at one point. Right. And they play the clip from Unbreakable of Bruce Willis falling into the tarp. With the voiceover of the lady being like, oh, he was dead in the water. Right. And then I'm like, what clip are they going to play from Signs?

What clip will sum it up so quickly that you can get it in shorthand? And the clip they show is Joaquin Phoenix knocking over a glass of water with his baseball bat. They just have him go, water. It hurts them. Oh my god. But yeah, and then there's this ultimate, I think if the movie considers it a twist that like the science house is real and M. Night went like

he grew up there and there's a crow living in it. Yeah, oh that's another thing. He can summon crows with his like mind powers, maybe? So for an unauthorized documentary, M. Night does a bunch of interviews. Yeah, okay, so this is the thing. That's the main dramatic conflict of the movie

is can we get an M. Night interview. They only get him four times. So he meets with him on camera, but they don't do an interview. But David, he just wants to hang out. Well, this is the thing. Okay, he wants to go out onto the town, have a cheese steak, be a guy. The first interview't do an interview. But David, he just wants to hang out. Well, this is the thing. He wants to go out on the town, have a cheese steak, be a guy.

The first interview is not an interview. They just meet briefly. They shake hands. The second interview is supposed to be like a regular interview. He talks about a Sanskrit necklace, and then Khan asks some question. Khan asks some question about the spirit

world. And M. Night gets really agitated and shuts off the interview. The third interview. And the PR woman chews him out. It's like, what are you asking about that? I don't understand what he's supposed to be asking them about. Yeah. Anyway, the third thing is they go out for a night on the town in Philly.

They get a cheesesteak, and then they play some pool. Yeah. And some people want to take pictures with M. Night. Oh, people are always stopping M. Night. Oh, yeah. Always want a picture, so handsome, want a little autograph. And they're talking about, too, like, they're hanging out in the back of this car.

They're going around to M. Night's favorite haunts. But the whole crew is there. And he keeps on going, like, see, this is what I want, man. You know, just hanging out like this. And Theo Khan's like, yeah, I love it. and every once in a while Theo Kahn will be like so in sixth sense and he's like man I thought we were just hanging out. It's starting to sound like an interview it's like you thought you were just hanging out the fucking

crew's there he brought a camera crew they mic'd you up you gotta love what are you talking about I don't understand the purpose of this sequence at all it's quite a long sequence in the film it's like 15 minutes long. It almost feels like M. Night. Because it makes him look like a pretty nice normal guy who is not hiding anything at all.

Okay, so I think that was the point of the sequence in the film. Okay, okay. I think M. Night wanted to convince people. M. Night was like, I don't want to just be like a creep. Yeah. I think M. Night wanted to convince people that he was a fun hang. I think that's why this exists in the movie is he was just like, I mean, I want people to still hang out with me.

I want to cultivate this like mythology and this creepy thing, but I also want people to know I'm just like, you know, I eat Philly cheesesteak just like everyone else. I just hold the onions.

I would too, by the way. That's insane. David, that's insane. Holding the onions? Yeah. I don't like,

I like onions, but I don't need that many onions. It makes a Philly cheesesteak. I'm not a huge fan of a Philly cheesesteak. I'm going to be, I'm going to level with everyone on this podcast. Okay. Yeah. Let's cut that out. Yeah, let's cut that out. That's inflammatory Philly cheesesteak. I'm not a huge fan of a Philly cheesesteak. I'm going to level with everyone on this podcast. Yeah, let's cut that out.

That's inflammatory. I think it's okay. I just, I don't know. Wow. Well, I think it's one of the best. Love a good cheesesteak. So good.

I'm a regular M. Night Shyamalan. So he's like a fun hang. They do this one interview out in the woods where a crow just appears and lands on the branch behind him while they're talking and then later when they review the footage they realize there's also a different crow behind nathaniel khan uh-huh when they go to the house crows like fly out of the one crow one crow flies out of one room very dramatically

well for this movie very dramatically for another movie barely dramatically and then when they review the footage they realize they see henry's ghost in the mirror yes in that scene very obvious like a full resolution like image not a shadowy thing at all um henry is the the victorian ghost boy who was ghost murdered in in the ghost pass in the ghost pond that m night shaman later fell in to rescue a deer from. By the way, M. Night Shyamalan, friend to deers. Friend to deer. Sorry. Friend to deer. He was trying to rescue

a deer as a child. Fell in an ice pond. Ghost Henry. It communes with a ghost. This movie is fucking stupid. And so then it's got that and there's like two more interviews with M. Night and I guess the last one is like where the guy's just like so you fell in a ghost pond? Ghost? You've talked to ghosts? Yeah. And M. Night's like nah guess the last one is like where the guy's just like, so you fell in a ghost pond. Ghost?

You've talked to ghosts? Yeah. And M. Night's like, no, man, I don't know. I got to go. And then that's it. And then it's an hour of him trying to decide whether or not to release the damn thing. We left out the most important part of the movie. We're getting to that.

We're getting to the most important part. Don't you worry. That's the kicker. Sure. So first we should say. The film ends with him signing a contract with Sci-Fi Channel to air the film as is. Them discussing whether or not they'll have any legal repercussions. And watching them in the editing room going like, I think I need to show this to people.

People need to know. And then the last six minutes of the film are largely, it feels like, real on the street interviews with people about their paranormal experiences totally wedged in nonsense right and the idea they like just show them and being like i know what i saw i know it's real and nathaniel khan's getting at this idea that like he needs to release this film not to like like muddy up m night's name but so that other people out there know that they're not alone that they're not alone. That they're not crazy. That these things have happened even to Academy Award nominee M. Night Shyamalan. And that's how the film ends.

It's just on these interviews with other people. Yeah, it's stupid. But there's a couple other things I want to mention before we get to the main thing. Yeah. Because that part's stupid. Do you agree? Yeah, dumb. Mad dumb.

Bad. And also, the character I was supposed to play appears like six more times. He goes to him for follow-up interviews. They keep going back to the chat room. Yeah. And he keeps on like going to meet him outside of school and ask him like more questions. Yeah. He should be arrested. Yeah.

Nathaniel Cahn for his behavior in this film. Yeah. A hundred percent. Because he also, oh, also there's this thing they never resolve where there are two black limousines. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh my God. We have to talk about this.

Just sort of hover. Outside the set of the village. And when he tries to approach one, they drive away. They have no license plates, front or back plates. And he's like looking there. They're parked there all the time. The second he like cups his hands, he says mirrors are totally smoked. The windows are totally smoked. Right.

And he like cups his hands to try to look through the window. And the second he like touches the window, it peels out. Right. It's a ghost. Yeah, it's stupid. But anyway, so he interviews Adrian Brody. Okay, star of The Village. Yeah, and Adrian Brody doesn't have anything to say.

We'll get back to him, because obviously the Adrian Brody interviews uses a button for the other thing in this movie. Right. But I was just annoyed, because they also talk about how they're going to interview Joaquin Phoenix, William Hurt, and Sigourney Weaver. And I was like, hey, they got Brody and they got a certain other person in this movie who's in this movie unbelievably. Why can't they get these guys? They're on the fucking set of The Village.

They don't even get them. David, it's a close set, okay? It's really annoying. I wanted at least to have to watch Joaquin phoenix debase himself for this movie so okay i want to talk about how to set up this thing because the way they get to the crazy appearance in this film okay they go to the childhood friend who complains about m night stealing all the girls right yeah and nathaniel khan asked this question that no one would ever ask, where he's like, you know, working with actors, you know, he works with Bruce Willis on The Sixth Sense and that's a big breakout. And then he works with him again on Unbreakable and then they don't work together again.

Is there a story there? Yeah, he basically is like, what happened with Bruce Willis? And he's like, you know, I think they were close on the sixth sense and then I think Unbreakable, I think. The film does not resolve whether or not M. Night Shyamalan scared Bruce Willis of the spooky ghost powers. But they sort of imply that. They do.

They sort of imply it. Right. They also sort of imply that maybe Mel Gibson has entered his spooky ghost realm, but then they don't follow that up. Right. And they're like, I think, I shouldn't talk about this.

I shouldn't talk about this. But you find out that he met with another actor for Signs before Mel Gibson. So what he says is- Now, this may have been made after Mel Gibson had his sugar tits freak out or whatever his other, you know, his passion of the Christ freak out. Before. I think it was before. Mel Gibson's not in this movie.

Right. No, I realize this is the stream of what he does. He goes, Bruce Willis. This is what he was. He went, Bruce Willis. He does Sixth Sense. Then he does Unbreakable. He's not in Signs.

Sure. Why did that relationship end? To sort of imply that something bad happened. And he goes, was Bruce Willis ever planned to be the lead in Signs? And he goes, I don't think Bruce Willis was, but there was another actor. And he goes, another actor? Who was it? He goes, I don't, I mean, oh, he says, but you know about the other actor.

He says it offhand. He goes, but you know about the other actor before Mel. Right. And he goes, I don't. I mean, oh, he says, but you know about the other actor. He says it offhand. He goes, but you know about the other actor before Mel. Right. And he goes, what other actor? This is, as far as I know, completely made up. Oh, completely made up. And he's like, oh, I thought you knew. And he's like, no.

And he's like, I shouldn't talk about this. I shouldn't talk about this. And then turns around and gets on a train. This whole interview is happening. I forgot about that. He literally runs onto a train that then leaves the station. This interview is just happening at a train platform. I believe it's at the Unbreakable station. Yes.

Yeah, Broad Street. Unbreakable. Got it. Port Ben has to note the time every time. Unstoppable. But yes, they've just been having this calm, casual interview at a train. Yeah, and he gets on a train. Right at the point where he gets to the uncomfortable part of the interview.

Griffin, who was the other actor? Well, he goes into the chat room. And he goes, hey, little M. Night... The best thing is he has to go back to the fucking kid's basement over and over again. Anyway. He goes, little M. Night quiz for everyone. So he's like, I'm going to figure out the answer to this question I don't know the answer to by posing it as a question to these other kids like they have to impress me.

Because at this point, Nathaniel Khan has risen to a two. Yeah, no, yeah, he becomes a two. I don't think he ever hits three. I don't think so. I think he's six with two. But he hits a two on the board, right? And he's like, quick signs trivia time, or quick M. Night trivia time.

They're like, okay, give us what you got. And he's like, did you know that there was another actor in talks, or he says attached, to do signs before Mel? And the guy goes like, yeah, of course. He's like, okay, who? And then there's a whole rigmarole about like, you need to tell me something.

Where's the village set? Like there's a whole back and forth. It doesn't matter, you know, who gives a shit. And then he says the name. Can we say it in unison? One, two, three. Johnny Depp. And this is in 2003. This is right after. Pirates of the Caribbean just came out. I mean, the movie came out a year later Johnny Depp. And this is in 2003. This is right after.

Pirates of the Caribbean just came out. I mean, the movie came out a year later, you know, but this is... Johnny Depp is hot shit. But David, I worked on this film, and I can attest that this film was shooting in October of 2003. Yeah, right. So it was right after the smash hit success. Did you know he was going to be in the movie? Absolutely not.

They didn't say to you like, oh, and this is a Depp picture. Absolutely not. Johnny Depp, Nathaniel Khan finds out it's Johnny Depp, and the next thing you see is him overlooking the Philadelphia skyline from his hotel room on the phone with his

aunt. Yeah. Right? Or his mom. His mom. I don't fucking know. He's calling his mom, he goes hey mom uh you know that friend of yours who you went to elementary school with who you said then became johnny depp's aunt do you have her number that's like the actual line of dialogue and then it cuts to nathaniel khan meeting johnny depp at the chateau marmont and johnny depp is in this movie for like six minutes um and i would say gives a pretty terrific performance. I think so too.

This is actually a good Johnny Depp performance. He's acting like a regular person. He's the only person who feels like a real person in the movie. It's easily better than like most of the performances he's given in the last five or so years. Agreed. Everything post Sweeney Todd basically. He's the only person who feels like he's not acting. Yeah, I agree.

In the whole film. He's very natural. Very natural. He's totally nailing the whole thing of like, I know I'm very famous and this is a very nice place that I'm in, but I'm just a guy and- That's a great moment where Nathaniel Khan's like- I have terrible fashion sense.

Yeah, when he's like, I've got beer and sandwiches and stuff. Yeah, but when Nathaniel Khan's like, this is a great place to have your hair, he's like, well, yeah, it's not mine. He's like a little uncomfortable with how nice it is. But he says to him, like, what was the experience like? And he's like, well, we met a few times and

it was weird. The first time was fine. The second time it felt like he was trying to like... The whole thing is like, you've got Depp. Yeah. I don't know how this happened. I can't even begin to understand it. I cannot either.

Does Nathaniel Khan know Depp? Does M. Night know Depp? Never made a movie with him. That's what's fascinating. None of it makes any sense. Yeah. You've got Depp. And then you don't even really use him for much of anything.

He just kind of suggests that M. Night was weird. Well, okay. And then he says he was made to learn these parroted sort of quotes about secrets, about like, oh, you know. George Bernard Shaw had a quote, which he couldn't remember. And then the other one is like, I think. It stuck out because it was so goofy.

Yeah, he goes like, secrets are interesting because you don't know whether or not they're real or not, don't you think? And he goes, and I remembered that one because of the question at the end. Johnny Depp. The reality of this film. And, like, I know we all rag on him now, but he was such a fucking huge deal.

That was his peak. Such a huge deal at the time. That was his peak moment. Secret Window, like, made $80 million at the box office, even though it was the worst movie ever made. Right. Just because he was in it. You know, anything he was in was the hottest shit. This was, Johnny Depp had just been nominated for an Oscar for Pirates of the Caribbean.

Right. Which is one of the highest grossing films of all time. Absolutely. Like he could not have been at a better point because he was like it was his first Oscar nomination for his first big commercial break. It was his big comeback. It was everything. Yeah.

Yeah. It was everything. He was on the very top of the world. Right. And he decides to appear in The Buried Secret of M. Night Shyamalan. And this film implies that Johnny Depp at this peak moment, right? I guess science had been a little bit earlier,

but he was still a big star, right? Yeah. That he had maybe, you know... Which, by the way, he would have been terrible in that role. Yeah. It was a horrible casting idea for him to play the Mel Gibson role in science.

But the film implies that he had two meetings, exploratory meetings with M. Night Shyamalan about taking the role. And on the second meeting, probably like a coffee meeting or whatever, M. Night was like, hey, I love this talk we're doing about the script. Before we go any further, can I have you memorize three quotes that you can apply when doing press for the film that we haven't even shot yet, that we're still just talking about whether or not you want to be in. At meeting number two, he was like, here's a George Bernard Shaw quote.

Oh, you want me to memorize this for the character? No, I want you to memorize this for when you do interviews. Two years from now. Anyway, when he goes back and interviews Adrian Brody. I don't know what you need to say about this. I think there's also an implication that he tried some weird supernatural shit

on Johnny Depp, and that's why Johnny Depp dropped out. Agreed. Like he was like, Henry's here. Yeah. But then I love the implication that he then tried that on Mel Gibson, and Mel Gibson was like, yeah, we're cooking with gas. You're crazy.

I love it. I see ghosts too. When he interviews Adrian Brody, Adrian Brody says the stuff that Johnny Depp said he had been taught to memorize, right? Yeah. They're trying to get Adrian Brody to just talk about the film.

He's like, can you tell us about your character? And he's like, I don't think I can. Which is like, boy, are you going to be disappointed when you hear what his character is? It's Simple Jack who stabs people. He's like, I don't think I can say anything about my character. He won't even admit that he has long hair. Yeah, I heard he had long hair in it, I don't think I can say anything about my character. He won't even admit that he has long hair. Yeah, I heard he had long hair in it.

I don't know. You know, the thing about Secrets is, and he just goes into the quote, and you're like, okay, I get the point they're making. He does this to every actor. But instead, the film cuts to Nathaniel Codd in the editing room going, show me that clip again of Johnny Depp. They rewind it like six times

in case you didn't get it. And they go back and forth between the two. They go to Johnny Depp saying, I don't remember, some George Bernard Shaw quote. And they go back to Adrian Brody going, you know, I think it says George Bernard Shaw said. And he's like, wait a second, rewind it. Wait, do these quotes match up or were two separate George Bernard Shaw quotes? They treat it like the JFK assassination. Yeah, he's like back and to the left.

Four times they go back and forth. Fucking so stupid. Ben, how long have we been running for? Over an hour. Okay, so we're just going to wrap this shit up. What do we think of M. Night Shyamalan? God, I mean, this was... This was a nice insight into his egomania,

his perceived egomania, and what people began to really dislike about him, which was that he would take over a movie in a way that, like, the movie didn't need. Well, and there's also, there are two moments when he's being interviewed in this film that I think are actually pretty telling, right? And M. Night's not bad in this. From an acting standpoint, he's not bad. He's pretty good.

Yeah. I mean, like, whatever. He's fine. He's perfectly personable i i maybe he's a little too like cute with the whole like i'm a coy creepo you know but he's fine i agree but it's i think it's maybe his third best performance are we ranking him night performances so wait what's the best the best one i think is lady in the water i think i think that is his best performance that's sort of i can't award that at any sort of trophy.

I mean, Ray Reddy's the worst one, right? Ray Reddy is the most harmful, but I would say Lady in the Water is probably the second most harmful. But I think that's from a character standpoint, not from a performance standpoint. I understand. I think his best performance is in the sixth sense. Oh, he's really good in that. And then his second best performance is The Village.

Okay, can I do definitive ranking? No, there's no ranking. This is my ranking. My ranking is Lady in the Water, Sixth Sense, then I'd go The Buried Secret. Then the village? Then I'd go the village. What about Unbreakable?

That would be next. Unbreakable, ha! Did it again. Damn it. Then Praying with Anger. Then I thought he was really bad in The Happening. Who's the voice? The voice of Joey on the film.

Just like, did you see 10 Cloverfield Lane? Yeah. Badly Cooper's voice at the beginning there. Did you like 10 Cloverfield Lane? Yeah. Let's talk about some other movies. I don't know if you saw my tweet about 10 Cloverfield Lane. I think you did a similar tweet to the tweet I did,

which was something more like 8.5 Cloverfield Lane. That was my exact tweet. I think yeah i think i did something i think it's like a solid 8.5 i liked it a lot yeah that was a good movie i'm planning to see it again i liked it yeah i liked it a lot i just saw the jungle book which we were talking about off mic boy i'm so excited for that movie yeah it's it's okay it's pretty i would say it's easily the best jean fevereau movie that was made with a big budget since iron man but can we say the worst compliment you can give can we say that i've been amped for this movie for like five months it's your kind of movie that when i saw the trailer when we went to see uh not phantom ass we went to see um uh force awakens together yeah and the trailer came up i was like i think that looks

great and you were like i can't believe you think this looks good it looks like garbage i was just well the whole animals talking biz is just hard to pull off. But they pull it off. You're telling me that I was right. I have some questions. You're telling me that I was right. Do you know any? Yeah, you're right.

You're telling me that I was right. Absolutely. Unbreakable. I mean, to me, it's like a three-star movie. But that's better than I thought it was going to be. Three out of four or five? Five. I'm not Roger Ebert.

Yeah, you liked that, didn't you? I did. It was good. But did they, because you probably know more than me, was the kid acting against anything? Were there people doing motion capture? Was like Bill Murray on set or whoever? Not the voice actors, but I believe there were people doing it.

Because, I mean, the kid's bad, but he's kind of cute. I mean, he's like, objectively, it's a quite bad performance. But that's like an impossible task. It's impossible. You'd have to find a wonder kid. It's amazing he reads a line at all. You would need to find Haley Jalos. I mean, he's got the look.

The kid's got the look. Yeah, that's the most important thing. Also, it has a different ending. And I was sort of intrigued by that. Oh, interesting. And I haven't read Rudyard Kipling's Jungle Book books. Neither have I. So I don't know if it was more like tapping into

that. I don't know. I have no idea. But it's generally pretty good. It hasn't stuck with me at all. I'm so excited to see it. I'm probably going to fucking love it. I had a decent time with it. I'm going to love it. Favreau's a good director of action. Although he made two awful movies.

But then Chef's good. Which of the two you'd say are awful? Iron Man 2 and Cowboys and Aliens. Oh, yes. Yes. You forgot Cowboys and Aliens existed, didn't you? Yes. And I want to make sure you weren't saying Zathura is awful.

No, Zathura is terrific. I mean, Elf, Zathura, Iron Man is a very nice run of very winning movies. Agreed. Yeah. Love Favreau. Maid is not great. Agreed. Although Diddy was great on Gethard.

Yes. That was wonderful. Diddy is in Maid. Here's some more M. Night stuff I want to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, go back to M. Night. There's two interviews in this film that I think are very telling, right? Yeah.

One of them he goes, I feel like I can't just make a movie now. I feel like every movie I make has to be something more. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. And if I make a movie that's just feel like every movie I make has to be something more. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And if I make a movie that's just a movie. That's the complex he got wrapped up in there. Right. Right there. But he's playing that as the character, but you're like, that line of dialogue explains

why this documentary, quote unquote, exists. This documentary, the village, Lady in the Water, and probably to some extent the happening. Yeah. Then I think he finally is disabused of that notion. Yes. Like there needs to be this big M. Night mystique around everything he does. I think he felt hoisted by his own petard. He absolutely must have.

That the reputation had become so big that he had to. Think about it. He makes two movies that are not along these lines at all. Yeah. And then he gets so locked in by The Sixth Sense that he makes a documentary in the style of The Sixth Sense you know like practically tapping into like the thriller mood. Which, by the way, conveniently ignores the other two fucking movies.

They do say that The Village is his sixth movie. It's the one acknowledgement of Praying with Anger and Wide Awake. But it's like if you. Oh, and there is that scene where it turns out that Henry is the lead actor in Wide Awake. Yeah. That's not true, guys. I wish. He's asleep.

I'm so glad to be rid of this bit. This is a bad one. This actively brings two of our episodes to a halt. But he doesn't. Because the guest doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about. Because again, you don't need to watch either of the movies. And you don't need to watch Wide Awake. No.

It's also like, Griffin does a lot of annoying voices and sounds, but this is. Hey, what do you think of Rogue One? People were tweeting at me saying we got to talk Rogue One. One of our fans on Twitter has said that he wants us to do a full 10-episode miniseries on the Rogue One trailer. Yeah, I think that might be stretching it. It's a minute long.

Yeah, I thought it was good. I thought it was great. I was very hyped about it. I just, I wasn't, like, blown away by it, but I liked everything I saw. I was very hyped about it. I just, I wasn't like blown away by it, but I liked everything I saw. It's just still early. I feel like I still haven't gotten a real sense of what the movie is.

And this is a big one just because it's setting up the new paradigm where we can have these films that are sort of disconnected from the main storyline. But the idea is that they're all going to feed into each other still. And they're a little nostalgic. You know, they've all got that. But it was just like a Godzilla trailer, I thought.

Just that, you know, like, he picks on a really cool noise to, like, punctuate the trailer. Good images, great cast. That line reading, Boris Whitaker has, where he's like, what will they do with Ibraku? It's great. It's great.

Yeah, I like a lot of what I'm seeing. I'm into it. I am too. Ben Mendelsohn looks terrific. Oh, looks unbelievable. What a great actor. He I'm seeing. I'm into it. I am too. Ben Mendelsohn looks terrific. Oh, looks unbelievable. What a great actor. He's one of our finest actors. We're so blessed to have Ben Mendelsohn.

We're so lucky to have him. We are. We are. I'm really at high pitch right now. Sorry, let me dial it down. Talk about annoying sounds. Yep, yep. Oh, Deepak Chopra's in this movie.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's also not bad. He's okay. He's basically just asked to, you know, say some mumbo jumbo. About Gus. Read what I wrote about myself. There is... What was I going to say? I was

working, shooting something when the Star Wars trailer came out. And so I watched it by myself. Justice League Part 1? Is that what you were shooting? I'm shooting Justice League Part 1. Yeah. We're talking about that next week. I am shooting Justice League Part 1. The next week. We're talking about that next week. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

I'm shooting an upcoming series for TBS. Yeah, very exciting. Not very exciting, very funny. Thank you. Characters, welcome. Let's do all the other catchphrases. Yeah. I did.

I tried to make that joke. Very funny. It took me six. What was the other one? We know drama. That's TNT. Yeah. It's very funny. It's TBS. What was TBS? Yeah, it is TBS. What was the other one? We Know Drama. That's TNT. It's very funny. What was TBS?

Watch What Happens was Bravo? I feel like there's another Bravo one. Then we started having to do that live. Characters Welcome is also TBS? No, Characters Welcome is USA. USA, absolutely. IFC is Always On, Always Off, or something like USA. USA, absolutely. IFC is always on, always off, or something like that.

Slightly off. There you go. Always on, always off would make no sense. This is just the thing I wanted to say. We're always on. Nope, we're off. I watched the trailer. For Rogue One, Star Wars.

Rogue One, a Star Wars story. That morning when I woke up, right? And then I was on set. And when I'm on set, I leave my phone off. You're locked in. Away from my person. Yeah, you're really irritatingly hard to communicate with. Yes. To set up podcast recordings. Yep, 100%.

So I was like totally outside of the echo chamber of everyone reacting to the podcast. To the trailer, rather. And there was a kid on set. The child of one of the producers on the show was on set. He was like six, and he was wearing a Star Wars t-shirt. And I was like, I want to

talk to this kid about the trailer, because I haven't been able to talk to anyone about the trailer. And I was like, what do you think of the trailer? And he was like, I don't know what you're talking about. Right, he's six years old. So we pulled it up on a computer and watched it with him. And I will say, I could not explain to him the idea that this was not episode eight. Yeah, I mean, I've heard this. And I wonder if that's going to be like...

If that'll be a problem. Yeah, and then like a bunch of the adults on set were like, wait, there's already a sequel? And I was like, well, this is like... No, haven't you been following the Dev Cycle guys? Like, this is a different piece, like in the same IP, you know? Right. I don't know. The kid was really thrown off by it.

So you're saying this kid doesn't read Deadline every day? No, he's more of like a screen rant guy. Oh, God. It's funny. You know, we tried to do another M. Night episode and we, you know, we talked about him. We did talk about him a lot. And we did fucking 11 episodes of him. Oh, this is the second quote I wanted to say that I thought was telling.

Go ahead. We're getting there. Yeah, we're getting there. Okay. So there was the thing about it. The movies have to be more than just a movie, right? They do. And then he said, like, I like the idea of the director being part of the story.

That's not just the painting, but you're interested in the hand. Yeah, yeah, sure. Right? That did the painting. Yeah. And he references Alfred Hitchcock a bunch of times in the movie. He loves the birds. And he compares himself to Alfred Hitchcock.

That's the trivia question he gets wrong. Yeah. It's that the birds is the major inspiration, not Psycho or Soul Circle. But he says it makes sense suddenly. You go like, oh, this whole M. Night thing was like him trying to possess himself as a figure in his

movies like Alfred Hitchcock. Like Hitchcock used to do, yeah. But let's compare M. Night Shyamalan to Alfred Hitchcock. And I'm not talking about in terms of filmography. Movie by movie. Shadow of a doubt. But I'm saying in this sense as their role as a hand.

Dial M for murder. Good movie. Good movie. Lifeboat. Have you ever seen Dial M in 3D? I haven't. They do it at Film Forum every couple of years. It's amazing. But let's compare this right? Alfred Hitchcock appeared in every one of his films

sure little cameos without fucking dialogue and M. Night gave himself bigger and bigger dramatic roles but you know Hitchcock also had Alfred Hitchcock presents and he would introduce his trailers and this sort of like I'm Alfred Hitchcock and the tuba would play but this is the point I'd like to make

M. Night equates himself to Alfred Hitchcock and he feels the need to make the supplemental material and create this mythology around his films so that he is the larger figure around them. Alfred Hitchcock did that in a way that people believed like the prevailing theory is the reason

Alfred Hitchcock was not taken seriously enough as a filmmaker in his time and why he never won an Academy Award was because his public persona was so goofy. Yeah. That he made these movies that were populist and that people liked a lot.

He made a shit ton of money. He made a shit ton of money but when he was doing the trailers it was always like, oh, here's that goofy tub. But I mean, that's why he was the first famous director.

Right, because he was entertaining. No one actually knew what Victor Fleming looked like. It's not like someone could, who was John Huston over there? Yeah, he was the first, right, showman director. And Alfred Hitchcock essentially made himself into a Comedia John Houston over there. Yeah, he was the first showman director. And Alfred Hitchcock essentially made himself into a Comedia dell'arte character.

He's hilarious in those fucking trailers. It was like, here's the iconography of what I look like. The tuba place. It's the bits. Tuba. Yeah. Tuba. Yeah.

Unbreakable. The whole thing was that he was like- I'm not doing that one, David. He was like this- Put my foot down, all right? It is broken. Damn, you did it wow we broke it

broke that dumb bit he did he was this macabre like kind of jolly old British fat man yeah and like

he was poking the air out of the seriousness of his own movies yeah and M. Night was like what if I make my persona more serious

than the films are right it's such a fascinating inversion. You're right. You're right. There's no- And a misunderstanding of what Alfred Hitchcock did and why it made people like him and his movies.

Yeah, the tongue's not in the cheek. Yes. And this movie is the perfect example, even though he didn't make it, you know, it's the perfect example. That was a good point, right? It was worth- It was a great point. Putting the train back on the rails.

I hope that everyone's still listening. Yeah, right? Yeah. I really doubt it. Yeah. But I think let's, you know, let's wrap up M. Night Shyamalan. Any final thoughts, guys? And I also do want to set up a challenge for our listeners.

Okay, great. So M. Night Shyamalan wrote a book, guys. It's called I Got Schooled. I think we've mentioned it in the past episodes. I believe maybe briefly. I don't know about this. Yeah, he wrote a book about the American educational system. What?

A nonfiction book. Yeah. Between Lady in the Water and The Happening. Because he went to a Philly public school and he was appalled by what he saw in an English class. He wanted to fix the education system like a lot of rich people get this idea. And so he wrote a book. And I was thinking I was going to maybe read it as a producer. education system like a lot of rich people get this idea and so he wrote a book and uh i was thinking i was going to maybe read it as you know as a producer you know yeah and just thought it'd

be like but then i started welcome always fun yeah go ahead sorry uh so anyway uh i decided not to do that because that's stupid yeah probably really would be a huge waste of this guy and i've already spent way too many hours of my life watching his movies. But the challenge is to any of the blankies out there, if they want to read it and give us a book report, we will read it on the air. That is correct.

Keep it within 200 words. Challenge dropped. Oh, M. Night. It's been fun. And then we're going to move on to, oh, what are we calling it? This was a debate on Twitter. I think we're going to do a Twitter.

We've got a lot of good suggestions. The one I liked the best was the Podchowski casters. Yeah, I agree. Me agree. Yeah, because the best thing is, if you think we're like stir crazy right now, we're about to record another episode right away. This is the first of two today. We were going to go with the Podchowskis.

And then someone pointed out that all of our- My friend Alex Chris pointed out that we always have cast, you know, podcast in our titles. So I think Podkowski- Such as Podcast Shyamacast. Yeah. Whatever the fuck this one's called. I don't know. I'm losing my mind.

Pod Night Shyamacast. We're going to wrap this up quick. You guys are falling apart. Me agree. Me agree. As always. And. And as always. And as always.

And as always. Maggie Knight, I mean. Maggie. This has been a UCB Comedy Production. Check out our other shows on the UCB Comedy Podcast Network.