Blank Check with Griffin & David - The Deleted Scenes with Chase Mitchell - Attack Of The Podcast

Episode Date: August 28, 2015

Griffin and David welcome another amazing guest this week, Chase Mitchell (The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon). Together, they discuss deleted scenes like: Anakin hanging out with Padmé’s father (who is some bum), Jocasta Nu may have had a fling with Count Doku and the Galactic Senate discussing the option to militarize or “the Binks bill.” Griffin also reads more fan fiction this time about Dexter’s diner (OK and maybe a erotic scene between Anakin and Padmé). Plus, the gang shares their final thoughts on the film. Is it another case solved? Did they reach any kind of conclusions? Is there some kind of huge revelation exposed in this episode? Listen and find out all these answers and more! Music by: Lee Rosevere “Cosmic Tingles”

🎵 Well Nelly, here we go. Episode 9, Attack of the Podcast. This, of course, is Griffin David Presents. I'm Griffin. I'm David. How are you doing, David? I'm okay. Yeah, it's hot out.

It's hot out. I've been clearing out a room so that my new roommate can move in, and so I've been around dust all day, and so this is going to be the sniffliest episode of our podcast yet. Okay. I watched eight episodes of Mr. Robot today. So you're sniffling for a different reason. You're emotionally worked up.

Yeah. My sinuses are a nightmare. Have you seen it? No. You keep on telling me every week right before we record. You tell me how great it is. Like Mr. Robot's good? Yeah.

I will watch it. I just want to talk about the twist because it's just another movie's twist and it's kind of interesting that they're doing the same twist. It's the same twist, another really famous twist. And now he's trying to think what I'm referencing. Yeah, interesting. Late 90s. Now you might have heard a third hmm there

that you don't recognize. Of course you know this hmm. And David of course, hmm. And if you were to hear the hmm of Ben Hosley aka producer Ben aka the Ben Deucer aka Purdue or Ben aka the Haas aka hello fennel aka mr. positive it would sound a little something like hmm how you guys doing today we're great doing well doing well sniffly but well but we have we have a special guest continuing our streak I realized something every guest we've had on this season is someone who was who played trivia with us is that true because we have a special guest. Continuing our streak, I realized something. Every guest we've had on this season is someone who was...

Who played trivia with us. Who played trivia with us. Is that true? Because we have Morgan, we have Rachel. I'm forgetting someone. JD. JD, yeah. Yeah.

And now Chase Mitchell. Chase Mitchell. Hello. Chase Mitchell, who's a writer for The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. That's right. Television program. He's a much more qualified person than either of us. He's got a gig. He's a much more qualified person than either of us. He's got a gig.

He's in our shitty little booth. There's no need to qualify what he does. I sit in this booth all day, David. Yeah, of course, Ben, but you're at least salaried. Anyway, hi, Chase. Hey, how's it going? Thanks for having me in this tiny room. Oh, thanks for being here, Chase.

Now, we have a lot to talk about with you Okay But David you point out something interesting Ben is salaried by UCB Comedy Oh And while we're on the subject I feel like there's some interesting housekeeping to be done With UCB Comedy in general

That's right This podcast is a production of the UCB Comedy Podcast Network guys Well Nelly There's a bunch of other podcasts on this network It's coming Yeah What are some of the UCB Comedy Podcast Network, guys. Well, Nelly! There's a bunch of other podcasts on this network. It's coming up. Yeah? What are some of the other podcasts? Oh, man.

There's, you know, Ménage à Trois Radio with Murph Meyer and Diana Kolsky. I was a guest on that. Two of the greats. I was, too. You can listen to both of our back episodes. Yep. I said clitoral,

and I worried if I was saying it right or wrong. Anyway, go on. What would be the other way? Clitoral? No, clitoral is right. Yeah, I know, I know. It sounds pretentious. But I was like, I was saying-

The accent is over the O. Yeah, right. I was saying the words though, and I was like, oh, I'm about to say a word, and I'm not sure this is what I was like, clitoral? The accent's over the O, almost forming a clitoral hood over the O. All right. I should have said clitoral. Ben, go on.

All right. You know, if you're an improv nerd, we've got long-form conversations or you tell it. So just check out UCBComedy.com. Got that out of the way. And then now one other piece of housekeeping. Guys, review us. Rate us. Write us a review on iTunes.

Comment on iTunes. We have five stars on iTunes. We have 15 ratings, all five stars. Perfect score. This is the thing. I always don't want to push our listeners to rate us because I'm afraid of getting that first four star review.

I think it's how it works on iTunes. Everyone just gives five stars or one star. I think there is no in-between. Then I don't want the one star. We got a perfect track record. Ben, what kind of reviews do we have going on right now? Oh, man. We've got great... Here's one. Great podcast. I love sitting down with a bottle of Manischewitz and listening to this. Super funny.

Thank you, Hermit underscore hot underscore 100. Hermit hot 100? Wow. Here's a comment from C. Dodds 7. Great. Better than 100 cereals put together. That's what we're going for. Did you see there was some story about

Adnan in the news yesterday? No one cares about Adnan anymore. Yeah, we No one cares about Adnan anymore. Yeah, we answered that episode one of this podcast. He's guilty. Chase, what do you think about Adnan? I mean, he's clearly guilty. The two of them did it together, you think? Yeah, but he also shouldn't be in jail based on the case.

Yeah, I think he's right. But it's kind of hard to argue that morally. They're like, oh, we should let that guy out because he might have done it, but they didn't really nail him. I have a friend who's been listening to the like offshoot podcast. Oh my God. Which is still going, right? Yeah. That's crazy.

Someone just told me to listen to that. Slate's serial podcast is still a thing? Yeah. Says the guy who's now going into hour 15 of dissecting Attack of the Clones. Yeah, no, this is the one that's the... It's like lawyers, right? Yeah, it's three lawyers. What?

This is a real thing. So already, really exciting start. We are all lawyers. Oh, me too. We're all lawyers. Anyway, go on. And they've been, I think, six or seven episodes in now just still talking about it just about the vagaries of the case like yeah and apparently i was i was like looking at it today and apparently

they have uncovered like five other allegedly compelling things uh that should get him off if they ever take it back to court. But, I don't know. We're all done with it, right? We're really done with it. This is like one of iTunes' most popular podcasts. The podcast you're talking about.

I think it's on like the top ten. It's crazy. We can't harp on this. Yeah, the cereal, like, yeah, offshoot. With the milk that's left

in the bottom of the bowl after the cereal's done. That's what it feels like. I'm not, that wasn't me saying that's what it should be called I'm saying that's what we're fucking That's what we're fucking chewing on right now But then what is this?

This is high quality This is high thread count This is like stale gummy bears This is a fucking fine steak Chase, this is a show You know, but I'm just reintroducing it for the audience I'm pretending like I have to tell you I thought we were just hanging out

No, we are This is a show, period Yeah know but I'm just reintroducing it for the audience and pretending like I have to tell I thought we were just hanging out. No we are. This is a show period. Yeah. This is a show where we have been trying to for the last 10 weeks 9 weeks. This is the ninth straight week. We've had weeks off. We had some weeks off.

So but yeah this is the ninth episode of the ninth episode of this mini series within the Griffin David franchise the storied Griffin David franchise much like the Tonight Show it goes through different permutations. Right, right. You know? Yeah. Same host, though. Did you write for Jack Barr? I forgot.

Yeah, yeah. You're the old-timer who's like, I remember Jack Barr's day. Yeah, he was the king. King Barr, that's what he called him. That's what they called him. King Barr. This podcast was originally launched

as a serial type investigation into The Phantom Menace which we thought was the only Star Wars movie as most people do okay so this is now, no because you're not putting one on one together the movie we're talking about today

Attack of the Clones is in fact a sequel to The Phantom Menace you've seen those two movies separately Attack of the Clones is in fact a sequel. Yeah, the other Star Wars movie. To The Phantom Menace. What? You've seen those two movies separately. I actually saw both. I own both of them and never knew that they were related to each other. No, they're the same franchise. You wouldn't really know that they're related to each other by watching them.

They don't seem that related to each other. There's not a lot. There's really not. This changes Hayden Christensen's entire filmography in my eyes because here I thought he was getting all this different work and these two movies are related? He's not in the first one. It's a different kid.

That's the craziest thing. That's probably why you didn't understand that they were the same because it would be Jake Lloyd in the first one. As you can tell, Chase Mitchell is a serious insider in the Hollywood biz. Right. Yeah.

Have you met Hayden Christensen? Man, that guy, yeah. I hung out with him a few times. He's kind of like the Don Rickles to Jimmy Fallon's Johnny Carson, right? He's like your regular guest. No one invited him, but he just hangs out on the couch all the time. I think he sleeps there. You always have to frame him out.

He's just off to the side. There's actually advanced CGI filters being applied to the Tonight Show at all times to get rid of Hayden Christensen. It's the opposite of what Georgie Porgie did. Georgie Porgie was putting Hayden Christensen into shots. All over the place. And NBC's taking him out. I will say he gets so much shit. Hayden?

Yeah, but he was good in Shattered Glass. Agreed. We talk about it sometimes. I've been banging that drum. He's been good. It's happened. He's good in Shattered Glass. Agreed. We talk about it sometimes. I've been banging that drum. He's been good. It's happened. He's good in Shattered Glass. That's the only one that I know of that he didn't ruin.

Griffin likes this piece of shit movie he was in called Life is a House. I do not like the movie. I need to clarify once again. I like his performance. Isn't he like the goth son or something? Yes. Nailed it. I think he does a good portrayal of a Hot Topic asshole.

That's about it, though, because he was in Jumper. Yeah. Jumper. I saw that in theaters. I paid money. You paid money for that one. It's a terrible movie. Yeah, I can't really defend that one.

Now I'm looking it up. Now I'm looking Hayden up. He was in that movie with TI where they're bank robbers. Takers. Yeah. Oh, I remember the very poorly photoshopped poster for that one. It was a crazy bad one. Everyone's heads were just... It looked like a Serac ad.

Like a bad Serac ad. It was like they just had a photo of ten other people and they just put the star's heads on every one of them. Yeah, like Hayden Christensen's hands were black. And then they photoshopped a poor fedora on everyone's head.

It was like a different body fedora and face. He really he's really done next to nothing. It's Jumper it's Takers and then it's like

four other movies I've never heard of since then. Direct to video. Yeah. Vanishing on 7th Street in American Heights. Rachel Bilson's

though. They have a baby or she's pregnant now? I think they might have had a baby. I think they had a baby because I think Lang told us she figured out the baby's name. It's like Meadow Christensen or something like that.

Whatever you told me, I believe it. Meadow Soprano Christensen. Oh, and remember he was in Factory Girl and he played a character who's obviously supposed to be Bob Dylan, but I guess they couldn't like say that it was Bob Dylan. Was that? I didn't see. That was with Sienna Miller. Yeah.

Did they have like a fake Andy Warhol? They also had a fake Andy Warhol. I didn't see That was with Sienna Miller. Yeah, didn't they did they have like a fake Andy Warhol on it too? They also had a fake Andy Warhol. No, I think he was named Andy Warhol. So why didn't they do I don't get it.

His name was Rob Trillin. Was it just because Guy Pearce played Andy Warhol? And Jimmy Fallon was in that movie. That's right. He played Chuck Wine. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, one of the many One of the last like Fallon film appearances. So many classics, though. Taxi. Will you ask him about that?

Like, tomorrow? Yeah, ask him about Factory Girl and what Hayden Christensen's like. Just Hayden. Just what he's like. Wait, now there is a reasonable reason for them to actually be friends. Yeah, they might. They probably hung out. He's fourth build in Factory Girl. Fallon was?

Yeah. And Christensen was third? He's second, man. No, he's third. No. Yeah. Fallon was? Yeah. And Christensen was third? He's second, man. No, he's third. No. Guy Pearce is second. Three and four always hang out. On a call sheet, three and four always hang out.

So Fallon's probably got some good hatey stories. I mean, we all do. But yeah, in particular. What's your best Hayden Christensen story? All right, that's enough. Okay, this is what I was trying to say. We did a miniseries about Phantom Mass, trying to answer what is this film about.

It was our serial-style investigation, much higher stakes into what is this movie about. Into who's responsible for making it? We figured that out episode one, George Lucas. Episode one, we figured out who was responsible. Asked and answer. And then we were like, what is he trying to make? What's the movie about?

What's the Phantom Menace about? I mean, you know, trade treaties. That's sort of what we settled on. It's just about a trade blockade. It's an unsatisfying answer, but that's kind of what we figured out. When you, yeah, when you, you know, search Netflix for Trade Federation films, this is like one of the top ones.

Yeah, trade dispute movies. It's definitely in the top ten. Yeah. So then we were like, I guess, I don't know what we're going to move on to now. We had listeners who wanted more, and we were like, but we're done with Phantom Menace. Ten episodes, can't talk about it anymore.

Then we find out, much to our surprise, that Attack of the Clones is in fact a're done with Phantom Menace. We're 10 episodes. Can't talk about it anymore. Then we find out, much to our surprise, that Attack of the Clones is in fact a sequel to The Phantom Menace. So we go into, let's do fucking 10 episodes. Let's answer one question.

So my favorite trade movie and my favorite clone movie are part of this same series. One in the same franchise. Yeah. That's crazy. It changes everything. Our investigation for this film was,

is this a good sequel to The Phantom Mass? Now, you're going to have some good insight on this because you didn't even know it was a sequel. Yeah. But if you think about it, it is. I guess, yeah. Obi-Wan is in both of them. Right.

There are a lot of the same character names. I never really thought about that. And the same actors playing the same character. In some cases. But Obi-Wan has a beard in this. Yep. Yeah, everyone looks so different yeah and padme looks like rachel dolezal she's transracial in this one um jar jar is wearing a

robe so you couldn't even recognize there's barely any jar jar in the first one and then you do the the hayden uh jake lloyd swap out switcheroo i call it um it was seamless it was so seamless i didn't even know they were different guys yeah Yeah, that's the word I would use to describe this movie. Seamless. Everything is so seamless. Well, they did it Taker style too where the first movie is Hayden Christensen's body and Jake Laird's head and the second movie is... Yeah. But this is episode

nine, Chase. And next week... Episode nine of season two which is episode two. Right. Okay. Got it. Does that make sense? So it is episode two. Right. Okay, got it. Does that make sense? So it's episode 11? No.

No. Oh, my God. We did 11 on Phantom Menace, and then we did a one-off on the movie The Judge. Judging The Judge? Maybe you heard about it? I did check it out this morning. Oh, you checked out The Judge? Yeah, I haven't watched The Judge.

There's a copy of it sitting on my table box. You got some screeners? Yeah. You got some WGAs? it sitting on my table box. You got some screeners. I just got some WGAs. Got those good screeners. It is a coaster right now. I haven't actually used it as a movie yet. It's original purpose. But wait, how is it doing as a coaster?

It's surprisingly well. Maybe that was its ultimate destination. It's a long movie, so it's probably like a double-layered disc. It's really long. It's got a lot of data on it. It's dense. It absorbs. Why do they call it SAG but they don't call it WAGA? That's my question.

What? Dude, 10 episodes investigating that. WAG. No, it's WAGA. It's the Writers Guild of America. They should call it the Writers of America Guild. A bunch of WAGs. Next week we're doing the commentary. Yeah, next week is our last week on Attack of the Clones.

Thank God. We're like recording a live commentary for it, the two of us. You're essentially closing this out. This is our last formal discussion about this movie. So what's left? What are the scraps that are left for us to talk about? Fucking expanded universe, bro. Oh, man.

Because we've torn this movie apart. We've ripped it in half. We've checked under the couch cushions. I never want to speak of this movie again. I hate it so much. I was so, to think I was so pumped for this movie when we started it. Because I was so sick of Phantom Menace. I really soured on this one. The first four weeks of this

podcast, I was defending this movie. You were. You used to be way more positive about it. That's a valiant defense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't even know what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What were you saying? I tried. I don't even know what you were saying. I, for a long time... He likes the first 20 minutes.

Sorry. I don't even at this point. Right. At this point, I don't want to look at the first 20 minutes ever again. I don't want to smell the first 20 minutes. Have you guys been watching it every week before you talk about it?

Depends. Most weeks. Yeah, it depends. Sometimes we just watch the parts that are relevant to what we're talking about. So we did like a romance episode. We, it depends. And sometimes we just watch the parts that are relevant to what we're talking about. So we did like a romance episode and we did like a romance cut where we just

watched. That was one of the great love stories of our time, I think. Yeah, that was what we were positing, you know. Yeah, I was going to say, it sounds like you

correct yourself, I was going to say it's one of the greatest love stories of our taint. In addition to being one of the love stories of our time, it's one of the great love stories of our

communal taint. Yeah, it's really something. I don't know. It's rare to see such a compelling romance based entirely on sand feeling rough. Skin feeling smooth. Yeah. Rolling around in a meadow. Yep. And other things that happened. skin feeling smooth yeah rolling around in a meadow yep

um and other things that happened not that you basically covered their whole romance that's long

that's 90% of it not kissing there's a lot of not kissing oh and a confessed slaughter of many women and children that's what really seals the deal

it was not a deal breaker for her no it's a deal maker yeah it was kind of a turn on she goes right for him after that. Yeah. Up until that point, she was like, we can't, we have to show discretion.

And then two scenes later, she's like, I don't fucking care. I love you. Yeah, she's like, I'll take you in this moisture, robot moisture bathroom that we're in right now. Yeah, riding a reek. What is that? The reek is the giant the red horned okay the really uncompelling cgi creature that they oh in the like the final battle scene right right right with the yeah yeah you you don't find the cgi compelling in these films oh man it just so stands up um yeah it's it it looks worse than the fully cg uh clone war series that they were

that they did later on like i don't know about that one or do have you heard of that one no i don't know what are you there's a that's that i thought we're talking about expanded universe that's true we are talking about the expanded yeah we're talking about expanded universe we're talking about fan fiction we're talking about deleted scenes the parameters of of of this podcast are very blurry i never actually saw what you're talking about like literally i never actually saw is it good no i mean it was like to say like oh who wants to dive back in for you know 11 more more hours of what we just saw was bad. Well, that's what people have been doing every week on this podcast. Yeah.

11 more hours. I just described what you guys have been doing. Who wants to dive back in? Our lives. You're describing our futile lives. I'm so glad that with next week's episode, it's finally over. It's fucking done. A long nightmare.

And then we just, we have to, we'll find a new movie and a new franchise, a one-off. Because here's the thing, Chase, as you know, I'm sure right now you're racking your brain thinking of other movies you've seen and going, was that part of the Phantom Menace franchise? Like, wondering if other things are sequels. Nope. As far as we know, there were two. There were two movies, okay? No, no, but my point here is, look, I didn't know that there was a Clone Wars animated series.

That makes sense to me, because obviously the third movie would have been the Clone Wars. Yeah, sure. All logical storytelling. Yeah, we've done that. We've talked. It should feel that way. Yeah, it should be the Clone Wars. Right? Yeah. So if he didn't get to make the movie, I guess he... Yeah, maybe he does a little TV show. So many ideas, he does them as a TV show, follows it up, we'll have to look into that.

But yeah, you know, I feel like, Chase, there's so many movies you've described to me as like being a personal favorite of yours i feel like you should come back to do one of those because we'd like to do other movies too you know yeah like yeah during trivia you would just be like king ralph or something like that oh man it was always pump your fist whenever the question was about a really bad movie you guys would just look to me aired on comedy central all the time in the 90s. That was the through line. Like any the regular rotation comedies

of early 90s Comedy Central were like your forte. If Mark Harmon was teaching summer school I know all about it. There's a lot of buried gems in that world you know. Buried something. Would you say that summer school

functioned as your comedy school? It's where I learned everything that I know. I mean, you know, I go into 30 Rock every day. Yeah, it was the fertile soil from which this night show's comedy was spread. And they're like, what are your summer school pitches today? And I'm like, well, let me tell you. You unroll a piece of parchment that rolls all the way down the office. You don't have to unroll that parchment

every day. And it should be said, you're dressed exactly like Mark Harmon's character in summer school right now. And always, yeah. And it makes more sense right now, but I also do it in the winter. In New York, quite punishing. It's tough, yeah.

And I commit, so no jacket, anything like that. It's short sleeves and shorts every day. Did you guys see that Mark Harmon is the third highest paid actor on TV? 20 mil a year? Mm-hmm. That's a cool 20 mil a year. He's just behind Galecki and Parsons. Man, the three acting pillars of modern television.

The golden age of television. You've got Galecki, Parsons, and Harmon. And then behind that is the other two big bang guys. They make so much fucking money. And you know what was most surprising to me? It was like number six on the list was Romano solely off of residuals. Yeah, well, you know. But within the top ten.

It's that sweet, what was that fucking show he did? Men of a Certain Age. Okay, No Time for Joking. That's a good show. That's a good show, No a good show no time for joking I love that show one of my great friends wrote for that show

who? Andre Brouwer Andre Brouwer secretly wrote a bunch of double duty on that show Edomar Moses Edomar Moses he wrote for Boardwalk Empire

and then he wrote for Men of a Certain Age I thought it was a lovely show yeah I really loved that show no time for joking no time for joking not a yeah

the crossover episode they had with Bordock Empire was crazy. It was tremendous. When they found that time tunnel and they traveled back to 1920s Atlantic City. I didn't think they'd be able to pull it off. You took a minute of a certain walk. It was good. It was terrible.

Bords of a certain age. That was worse. Aren't you working with Ray Romano now? I mean, Ray Romano's working, and I sometimes work adjacent to him. Because he's in the HBO show. Ray Romano is a lead character on a show in which I do a very, very small amount of work. But is he in The Office? I don't know who he's playing.

Yeah, he plays one of my bosses. There you go. Let me say this publicly. Uh, he's a really fucking good actor. Uh, he, I agree with you.

He's a terrific actor. He was so good on Parenthood too. Yeah. And on this show he's doing like, I mean, I think he's funny, but it's like a dramatic show where he's playing a funny person. Sure.

And it's, it's a really fucking good, he plays like a coquette on this show. He's like really, really good. I wish I could do a rare impression. Everybody loves Raymond you're talking about. Yeah,

yeah, yeah. HBO's bringing it back. They're bringing it back. He's like really, really good. I wish I could do a rare impression. Everybody loves Raymond you're talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah. HBO's bringing it back. They're bringing it back. It's about, it picks up one week after the CBS series ended. It's now an hour long

single cam in which Ray's addicted to coke. Both of his parents are dead I believe. Ray Brown, yeah. His parents died. It takes him one week later,

the one week both parents have died. Peter Boyle and Doris Roberts. He bought a bunch of coke. He's finally cutting loose. His parents aren't It takes him one week later. The one week both parents have died. Peter Boyle and Doris Roberts. He bought a bunch of clothes. He's finally cutting loose. His parents aren't coming over anymore. Anyway. I loved it.

He's pushing how much everyone can love Raymond. You know what I'm saying? It's like about the boundaries of love. Does everybody really love Raymond? Like really love Raymond? Will you love a person through thick and thin? Will you stick with them through their rough patches? He's a great actor

and apparently he makes $15 million a year off of residuals alone. That's pretty cool because he was the writer and the producer. I guess that's why he makes more than

like Kay Grahams. And Garrett. Or Seinfeld though. I guess Seinfeld. Oh, that's a good. You know, like I said, men of a certain age.

Yeah. If only Seinfeld had done it. B-movie residuals are terrible and this is only for TV. Okay, we of a certain age. Yeah. Only Seinfeld did, don't I? B-movie residuals are terrible. And this is only for TV. Okay, we have a very important... Do we? We're like 25 minutes in.

We have so much important stuff to say. Chase. Yes. What are your overall thoughts on Attack of the Clones as a film? You said it's one of your favorite clone movies. Yeah. But beyond that uh

i think it's uh maybe the second best movie i've seen with a character named jango that's how you get uh there's a tonight show job there's that really great uh hot rod chase through the skies of coruscant, which we all remember that. Nice job pronouncing Coruscant right, by the way. A lot of people don't do that. I just leaned into it and hoped I was right. It's just like clitoral. Fuck, I did it wrong.

Go on, go on. What else? I remember it rained for the whole Camino scene. Really realistic rain. Definitely not just like buckets of milk being dumped on poor. No. Oh, you finally got a chance to see the really compelling backstory of Boba Fett, the child who finishes the movie

by holding his father's severed head. And by backstory, you mean story. We agree that that's a weird story to tell. Just a little boy who holds his father's head. It is really weird when he picks up the head. And then the head doesn't fall out. That's what I always think. That's the weird part.

He picks up perfectly for the head to fall out. He's holding the sides of it. Yeah, yeah. Which is hygienic. You shouldn't be putting your hand up. You know that it should be like, and just drops onto the ground.

But, you know, I mean, I think that was a story that needed to be told. That is, having just rewatched a little bit, it's the lamest when Jango Fett dies. And Mace Windu is just, you know, you're ready for this big battle, And having just rewatched a little bit, like, it's the lamest when Jango Fett dies. Yeah. And Mace Windu is just, you know, you're ready for this big battle, and Mace Windu's just going to, you know,

slice his head off. Well, it almost feels like, as we know, Georgie Porgy had a hand in creating Raiders of the Lost Ark, which is a fine film. Oh, so you're comparing it to where he shoots the guy in Raiders? Yeah, but that is clearly like... That's a really cool scene. Yeah.

And this is not a cool scene. It's like set up properly. I mean, A, we've just met this dude, this swordsman, right? So he like comes in, he does his cool sword trick, you're like ready for a big fight, and then with fucking razor sharp comic timing, he just shoots. It's one of the funnier beheadings I can remember. Oh, yeah yeah sure. But that's like

constructed like a comedy sequence and this is like the same thing where like Jango comes down Mace is there ready for a big battle and then he just fucking beheads him.

Yeah. But it doesn't feel like there's the same wind up and it's also like He probably should have included a wah wah

Yeah that would have made it funnier. Anyway get to your point that we keep derailing my point is he's checking his email no no no I'm queuing something up I got a big surprise for later in the episode

Griffin surprises are a 50-50 proposition on this show I'd say they're more like 90-10 yeah 90 bad we're in agreement you don't have to flip that one go on go on deleted scenes yeah Yeah, no, we're in agreement. You don't have to flip that one. Go on, go on. Deleted scenes.

Yeah. I believe we all watched them in preparation. Yeah. Yes, I did. I watched them today. Yeah, I couldn't believe that there was even more movie that they didn't put in this movie. Left on the table. For a movie that's like two and a half. Had it been in the movie, it would have really stuck out.

It really feels like it would have. They're weird scenes. Sometimes you watch a deleted scene from a movie and you're like, I don't know. They should have included this. This is a really cool little. These scenes, you're like, I totally get why they didn't include these. Let's go through these. Of course, there's about 40 other minutes they've got it going.

But these are weird scenes. They're weird. Another interesting point is a couple of these scenes. Last week, we talked a lot about how this movie was this digital filmmaking revolution. It was the most computer-generated live-action film up until that point in time. First movie really shot on blue screens, da-da-da-da-da. A couple of these scenes are just humans standing in a real environment talking. Right.

The scenes feel so weird because they're scenes that could be in any other movie. It's true. They look like a normal movie. Yeah. You could just take out the background and put in any other movie. It's true. They look like a normal movie. Yeah. You could just take out the background and put in like Chicago or something.

Yeah. It totally makes sense. Yeah. So this is the first thing I want to talk about. Okay. And I think Lang referenced this scene.

Yeah, this is the most important scene, I'm pretty sure, is the one you're about to talk about. Anakin hanging out with Padme's dad. Oh, yeah.

Okay? Who's played by who? Some bum. Literally just some bum. He looks like a guy who walked in on the street. It's a pretty meaty role for some bum. Seriously, you're playing Natalie Portman's father. It's like the highlight of his IMDb page.

Yeah. I'm a stickler for visual similarities between familial casting. Sure. I just saw Ricky and the Flash, man. Yeah.

Ugh. You know, where Meryl Streep's daughter actually plays. Yeah. So good. And, like, that goes a long way. It does. If you're making a movie that's centered around a family and you see the two people and they have similar features.

And especially if it's something like that where it's, like, actually someone's daughter, they're going to have similar mannerisms. You at least want something, you know. Right. It's something we just accept about so many movies and TV shows with families that look nothing alike. So I do appreciate when they go out of their way to cast people who resemble each other.

Or at the very least, you cast someone who looks different, but the person kind of studies whoever was cast first, whoever the bigger star is, and kind of takes some of their mannerisms. This movie, Natalie Portman, who is a little nymph of a lady,

a little slip of a person, and very delicate, and is very poised. This fucking bum rolls on off the street, covered in flies. It looks like they didn't fucking shower him. Yeah like they didn't fucking shower. Yeah, they didn't even have a fly wrangler come on set to keep the flies away.

They're visible in many of the frames. I thought it was very distracting. This guy's fucking roly-poly. Yeah. He's, like, no haircut, fucking facial scruff. This guy isn't living on Tatooine. He isn't some Mos Espa scum. It's true.

They're in a fancy Tuscan estate, basically. Naboo is like the fucking wine and cheese planet, you know? And this guy looks nothing like Natalie Portman, acts nothing like Natalie Portman. Doesn't seem like he's ever met Natalie Portman. Maybe he was a space stepdad. Maybe. They don't say.

Maybe. We're going expanded universe here. Maybe. But this scene is within the context of the movie. Oh, I need to get away. Wait a second. I know a place. There's a place we used to vacation when I was a little girl

in school. Okay. There he is. David found his Wikipedia page. Even his photo on his Wikipedia page is like, I don't know why I'm in it either. Really? He's like, I'm sorry. Graham Blundell is his name. He's another Australian actor. Almost every small part in this movie

is played by an Australian because it's shot in Australia. He's wearing a black Oxford shirt and a white t-shirt underneath. And when he flipped the photo around, I thought he was a reverend. Yeah, he kind of looks like a man of the cloth. Lucas just went to a good sermon

and was like, you know what? We haven't cast that part yet. Has he done any other work of note? Well, first I want to give you this quote. Yeah. This is a great quote. To be directed by Lucas

meant working with a creator of pop mythology. The man who directed possibly the... Says a man who was cut from the movie. Seriously. The man who directed

possibly the most influential film ever made. I assume he means American Graffiti. Oh, you think it's The Phantom Menace. Yeah, I think it's The Phantom Menace.

And launched the notion of the force in the collective psyche. Yeah, see think it's The Phantom Menace. And law to the notion of the force in the collective psyche. So it is Phantom Menace. I had 12 lines and 2 scenes with 2 days to prepare. So that's a little weird that they were just like, uh, can you do this? They probably just went to the local playhouse. Yeah.

He did a screen test. He spent some of those 2 days preparing. He definitely spent at least half an hour preparing. He probably brought his script with him to lunch. He went out for lunch, brought the script with him, looked over while eating a turkey The waiter run lines with him. You know, he's done some Australian TV, you know.

He's around. He's not been in anything else I've ever heard of. A lot of Australian TV. A lot of Australian. We're going back to the 60s. He's not been in anything else I've ever heard of. A lot of Australian TV. A lot of Australian. We're going back to the 60s. He's on Australian TV. Look, we're done with our performance review, but this guy gives a bad performance.

Yeah. The guy's really bad. Yeah. Can't even seem to get it up. And within the context of the movie, you can see him in the bottom of the frame tugging at his dick trying to make it hard. He can't get it up.

Yeah, that's true. At the bottom of the frame, he's tugging the dick. But within context of the frame tugging at his dick trying to make it hard. He can't get it up. The bottom of the frame, he's tugging the dick. But in the context of the movie, it's like, we need to get away, we need to hide. Padme is like, here's this place I used to vacation when I was a girl in school. We used to vacation at this palace in the side of the countryside of Naboo.

Right? And then it's just the two of them on a romantic getaway. We see a waitress at one point, but they're otherwise just alone. These deleted scenes imply that her parents were just there the whole time? I guess so. You'd think it'd be really easy to find her. That this is like her home? That this is her manor? I don't know, maybe

they just, they're like, oh, you're on Naboo, we'll stop by. Oh, lovely to see you, Padme. I heard there was an assassination attempt on your wife. And the whole scene is, her mom says something like, uh, is it true? Are you in danger? And she's like your life. And the whole scene is her mom says something like, is it true? Are you in danger?

And she's like, no. And then the dad says, is it true? And Anakin goes, yes. And then everyone

just goes back to eating potatoes or whatever the fuck. Like, that's the dramatic tension in the scene. Yeah. It's about as

dramatically tense as all the other scenes that they have together. He just says, yes. He's like, yes. Yes, she's about as dramatically tense as all the other scenes that they have together. He just says, yes. He's like, yes. Yes, she's in danger. He doesn't like,

say like, maybe we should close the blinds or like, no attempt is made to like, get everyone to the basement or anything like that. He's like, yeah,

someone could fucking kill her. But tonally, the scene feels, and this is in line with how low the stakes are. Tonally, the scene feels more like just a dad being like, so what are your intentions with my daughter? Like it's very just kind of like.

What are your space intentions with my space daughter? It feels like it's out of an entirely different movie. I swear to God. Because it's just four people in a backyard, which already is jarring in a movie where everything else looks like it was shot in front of a Fruit Roll-Up wrapper. You know? Everything else is shiny and foily. And this is just four people in a backyard having a casual conversation,

which is stilted acting. It just feels like some weird teen soap opera. It's a bad scene. Terrible scene. I'm glad they cut it. Would have been really jarring to suddenly be meeting her parents who were played by these fucking amateurs. Yeah, who look nothing like her and behave nothing like her.

Yeah. Bad scene. Actually though, the stilted acting of her family does kind of line up with what you were saying. It explains things. You're right. Good point, because she's very stilted in her manner, too. Yeah.

And they do keep on saying comete. Maybe that's just how it is in Naboo. Everyone's just really stilted. That's how it is in this whole galaxy. I would have loved if Lucas had just explained it. You guys don't get it. That's just how they act on Naboo. Yeah, right. That's just that they're aliens.

You guys didn't understand. On this planet people don't speak naturally. Their attitudes always seem at odds with the intent of the words. I think our takeaway from this is good thing it was on the cutting room floor. Seriously. In terms of the expanded universe, does it tell us anything that the film didn't?

She has a really blandly overprotective father, I guess. Yeah, I guess. I mean, there's something kind of humbling about it in a movie where everyone is so unrelatable. It's like, oh, she's got some lame fucking parents. It's true. Yeah. Because we're presented in Phantom Menace with fucking parents. It's true. Yeah. Because we're presented in Phantom Menace with her as like

a child queen. Yeah. And in this she's like a stuffy senator. Right. And it's like oh, right, she does have like... Yeah. And there's no other parents in this movie except for Anakin's mom. And then Anakin's dad is the force. Right. Yeah. Or Watto. Watto. As you believe. Yeah. And Anakin's mom is like tortured. Yeah. Yeah. It's horrible.

Yeah. Okay. scene two I want to discuss. This is a big one. This might be my favorite one, I think. Extended library sequence? Yeah, oh my god, this is crazy. Alright, so Chase, we've talked about this a little bit. I want to set Chase up for a cold read.

This extended library sequence fits into the movie when we see Obi-Wan going to the Jedi archives the Jedi temple archives trying to find out where this dart came from trying to find the planet Kamino all this shit looking up Sifo-Dyas

these weird loose ends that he can't track in the movie all you see is Jocasta Nu Jedi librarian say like, well, if it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist. There's a greatly expanded, extended version.

There's like two scenes, two additional scenes. What would you take away? What are your first impressions of Jocasta New from her behavior, her attitude, her energy in the extended sequence? She was very, she discussed how handsome Count Dooku was. Oh, yeah.

Boy, did she. Man, it felt like there was a whole backstory there that we still don't know. Yeah. We might know, though. We've been pumping at this for nine weeks now. Seriously. Yeah, seriously. And we hadn't watched the know. Yeah. Okay. We might know, though. We've been pumping at this for nine weeks now. Seriously. Yeah, seriously. And we hadn't watched the scene.

Yeah. No, no, no. We just felt, we felt in our bones. You knew. You just knew there was something there. There's something about how she's so mean to Obi-Wan where he's like, where's this system? And she's like, I don't know. If it's not in the library, it doesn't exist, okay?

And you're like, all right, relax, buddy. Yeah. Well, it felt like she was covering up for something. should he cut it covering up for the dukes yeah himself we're not talking about how she this scene is conducted while she's basically like stroking a giant a giant lionel richie bust of Count Dooku. Lionel Richie was the prop master on this movie. A lot of people don't know that. Right. There's a bust that a blind woman made

of Count Dooku. It is three times the size of Christopher Lee's head, if not larger. It is massive. And she won't stop talking about how fucking handsome he was when she was young. How fun she was of him. How smart.

She sort of says the two of them were similar. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Oh, you remind me a lot of it. Which is such far off fondness. It is also the worst written scene because like Obi-Wan just has to deliver this like info dump.

He's like, yeah, he was a great Jedi before he quit. And then I didn't know what he was up to. And then it turned out he was the leader of the Separatists. Like he says it like he was a great jedi before he quit and then i didn't know what he was up to and then it turned out he was the leader of the separatists like he says it like he got a new job it's like oh man yeah he quit rolling stone and then he got hired at new york magazine like it's like rather than he's leading a massive rebellion within this galaxy but i can't believe because like we talked about earlier in the season how weird it was that dooku was like an ex-jedi yeah right that he quit. Right. Because it doesn't sort of gel with the whole Jedi

thing. That you can just quit? You can just be like, oh yeah, you know what, forget it. I know I have magic powers or whatever, but I just won't do it anymore. I've always wanted to try children's bro, because I just think if I don't give myself the time to pursue this, I'll never, you know, know. No, but it fits into that thing, like we were kind of wondering

like, was he cast out? Was it under weird terms? Did he go missing? What's the fucking deal? Right. And Jakostin is just very casually, and Obi-Wan, the two of them talk about it, and they're just like, yeah, he just quit, and then he started becoming the Separatist leader. Yeah.

It's just like he went to pursue other opportunities, such as open rebellion, you know, yeah. Why are all these people staying as Jedi? Yeah, why aren't they just like, oh man oh man you know i can actually just make tons of money just doing this and then saying like give me your money oh yeah just sort of waving does dooku do that i don't know what yeah he's like yeah i'm gonna i'll take two watermelons and they're like all right six bucks and he's like yeah delicious but they just talk very casually like with no suspicion about Delicious. But they just talk very casually, like with no suspicion about like,

nope. Why are they not like hunting him down with everything they've got? I feel like leaving the Jedi Order should be like going AWOL. And then I feel like in that scene when he finally meets Dooku later, when he's suspended him, he's like surprised to see him.

It doesn't make any sense. Dooku. Because he looks so different from the bus. His head's so tiny. Who are you? The bus looks like it was made out of peanut butter or something. It's crazy. Every wrinkle is so...

You know she's like making out with that thing after library hours, too. She's basically putting her fingers in its You know she's like making out with that thing after library hours too. She's basically putting her fingers in its mouth like when she's talking to Obi-Wan. See, this is what I find so validating is we did this deep read and like week by week have been building up this elaborate backstory

of like the hidden, you know, old love. The hidden affair between these two. And that's why Kamino gets deleted maybe. Right. He was like, baby, just do me this one favor. She's like, you promise you'll like be comfortable with me calling you my boyfriend after that? He's like, I promise. I'll say you're my girlfriend, and then he just fucking goes to them.

Yeah, you'll come to dinner with my parents? Yes, of course. My 120-year-old parents. Just delete this one file. But when I watched this scene, I felt validated, but I also simultaneously was like, maybe I'm just looking for this. You know? Like, maybe I'm so desperate to be validated that I'm finding connections where there aren't any. No, I felt it too.

No, 100% they're fucking, right? Yeah, they done did it. Which is messed up. You can't do that. You can't do that. Jedi's aren't allowed to do that. We've told that over and over again. Yeah.

Yeah. Or maybe is it, can a Jedi, like, bone another Jedi? Is it just that you can't bone a non-Jedi? Well, a Jedi can know love, right? Can't know love. Can't know love. Same thing. Can't know love.

Can know no love. Well, this, I mean, this is a big philosophical question. Famous Jedi beetle song. Yeah, but it's like, they don't want you having relationships. Space Beatles. It's about staying emotionally level. Yeah, no, sure. You don't want to be subject to wild emotion

because then you might turn to the dark side or whatever. None of this ever seems to happen. But technically, one can fuck without emotion. You can have an emotionless fuck. This is getting gross. This is getting gross? No. No, I'm just saying, like,

we don't know that specifically Jedis aren't allowed to fuck. Oh, fair enough. We've been operating under this assumption for weeks. This is a PG movie, man. I'm just saying maybe... Maybe, like, they kept on calling so you think it's like a

sort of like a Game of Thrones the wall type situation where they can like Jedi can like hit up the space brothel right you can just yeah space brothel yeah

and maybe even like you can toddle down to what's it called hard home or wherever no that's that's where Craster lives I'm trying to get my

Game of Thrones whatever the whatever the nearby town is yeah my point is maybe this wasn't even like an on the dl relationship like maybe he was openly yeah they were just friends right and i mean who hasn't there yeah everyone she's she's so crazy hot and it's really nice yeah she's really. And a pro. At being a librarian. Yoda calls young Dooku into his

boardroom office and is like, Dooku, I heard rumors that you are sleeping with Jocasta now. This, by the way, is not a deleted scene. This is just right from Griffin's brain. This is a theory, right? And it's like, what do you have to say about this? You know where we stand on relationships, on love. And he's like, oh, I'm not emotionally invested in her at all.

It's like just a fuck for me. And you think Yoda just sort of like wrinkles his forehead and he's like, ah, I see. Yes, your thoughts are clear. Cool, bro. High five. Right. Yeah. No, you're allowed to do that.

I don't know. The nature of the relationship is so fascinating to me and I want a whole fucking thing about it. A book. You already got a deleted scene. Yeah. I'm glad it's not in the movie though. I'm almost sure there's fan fiction about it.

Well. Well I did some thorough searching and I couldn't find it. But there will be. It sounds like. There will be. Could be. Yeah.

There could be. The opportunity exists. And gentlemen all I have to say is I do have some fan fiction locked and loaded to read a little later. Watch this space.

What are the other deleted scenes? Those are the big ones. I found that a lot of the scenes, I watched the YouTube clip of all the compiled scenes, and I found that even the names of the scenes were incredibly boring. It was like trade debt analysis was the name of one of the scenes. Oh, man, I can't believe they cut this. There is, yeah, a lot of the other ones are just like more exposition. Yeah, it's a lot of exposition.

Which is unbelievable that they left on the floor. There's a longer, there's like a removed sequence from the speeder chase at the beginning. Oh yeah, which was longer originally. But with no finished effects so it just looks like Obi-Wan and Anakin in a boxcar. It does look like a 30s movie with a scrolling

street scene behind them so it looks like they're moving. Yeah, and as much guff as we've given these performances they look so much worse when there are no effects behind them. Oh, yeah. Seriously.

Yeah, once you see them go, Whoa, what was that? It's tough. It's tough. We talked about this a lot, how tough it must have been for those guys, just in a blue screen. They're like,

Somebody's coming at you. Duck, you got to turn left. See a dangling tennis ball? Yeah, yeah. I don't even think they had tennis balls, though. We watched a lot of behind-the-scenes footage and it didn't seem like they had many reference points. Yeah, it's weird.

Like they were giving them... Very low tennis ball budget on these movies. Yeah, it's true. Famously low. Yeah, they blew it all. Hollywood always skimps on the tennis balls. Blue screens. God, are there any other deleted scenes I know?

Those are the two big ones. Those are the ones I wanted to talk about. There's an extended... Oh, there was a Senate scene. are the two big ones. Those were the ones I wanted to talk about. Oh, there was a Senate scene. Oh, yeah. I don't think I saw this one. It was just them talking in the Senate.

It was more senators. FYI. It was more senators talking about whether or not to militarize. To form the army okay jar jar goes before jar jar votes for before he proposes it or whatever yeah well jar jar he hasn't proposed he just functions as the absentee vote right i guess so i thought he was the actual like proponent of the bill like it's called like the binks bill

but the binks crime bill. But he doesn't, like, make a speech. That's what's disappointing is that, like, Palpatine just goes, like, Jar Jar, of course, really into this bill. And Jar Jar just kind of, like, nods behind Palpatine. Like, you want to see Jar Jar have his, like, Mr. Smith goes to Washington. Oh, yeah. What would that sound like?

What is that? Here we go. Producer Ben? Wait, I'm sorry. I spaced out completely. I was giving Ben some pats. I don't sit next to him usually.

Yeah, but now I'm trying to dodge it. What's going on? What's up? Hey. Hi. What do we think Jar Jar Binks,

Mr. Smith goes to Washington moment where he would have to present his argument as just a small time goon-goon senator to the Galactic Senate. As, like, majestic music starts playing behind him.

Yeah. As he's delivering his speech. Charger shows up in his rumpled suit, and he's just trying to convince everyone we need to get a clone army. How do you think that would sound, Ben? Uh, me so. Starting strong.

Starting strong. Uh, all right. Me so. Me so. This is interesting. We're going interesting. starting strong starting strong alright me so me so this is interesting we're going interesting me so very happy to be here

dramatic music swells we'll add it in post I can't keep up with this accent it's so offensive and terrible but I will keep doing it great

and then he would be like ah let's save the goon games. I think like... And then they're like, but wait, no, I'm not done. And then a little bit of old time dancing. I think Jar Jar kind of like slowly scoots up

in his like flying Santa pie. Yeah. And he loosens the tie. And he goes, Misa not a fancy goon again. Misa lives underwater my whole life. All Misa know is, it's a scary world out there.

Much a doo-doo. One can step in. If you don't have a friend, you send real big doo-doo. And what better friend is there than a clone? And what good is one clone? Without an army behind him.

And the music swallows. I know what you said, Lincoln. Lincoln. I checked my work while that was happening. Although the first line was really funny. It almost sounded like a rap. You should do a Jar Jar rap. He definitely should not do that.

Yeah, you're already in too much hot water. No, come on. Griffin's also really fond of doing the Asian alien voice, which he's gotten in trouble for. Asian? They're Neimoidian. I don't know what you're talking about. They're Neimoidians. Terrible.

Why we should listen to him? I'm done with this. That's enough on the deleted scenes. I do want to read some fanfic. We did a fanfiction episode for The Phantom Menace. Tell us what happened last time.

He tried to read one that was just literally boring. It was just about like Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon and adventure and like I mean like I don't know how far you got into it but it was so dull.

But you were obviously just trying to steal us for the next one which was I mean Chase you want to hazard a guess? Like it was about Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon. They were on a strange planet.

Yeah. I mean there was a wall in between them. There was a wall in between them. There was a wall, and there was a local custom on this planet of, well, there was a hole in the wall. Oh. Yeah. And not where the men could see at all. This is a very different type of hole.

And Qui-Gon had to put his penis into this hole, and Obi-Wan, unbeknownst to him, had to put his mouth on it. Yeah. That was the hole. So, yeah. That was the whole... It was because of the local planet customs. Qui-Gon put his penis in the hole or Obi-Wan did? Qui-Gon put his penis through the hole. Obi-Wan

puts it in his mouth. So Qui-Gon didn't know. Min-Way through figures out that it's Qui-Gon. Yeah. We didn't get to whether Qui-Gon ever figured out that it was Obi-Wan. He was weirded out that it was Qui-Gon. But then he's into it. Not that he just-

Not that he's doing it. Very quickly started sucking it in. No, no, no. Because that's the planet's local custom. Yeah, you know, and they're Jedis and they don't want to embarrass themselves. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot of backstory about that

just to make it all like, yeah, yeah. But thankfully they justified it with that. Yeah, and then we stopped Griffin from reading anymore. I don't know how it concluded. I think I have an idea. Oh, man, there was probably like a Darth Maul cameo in there. You know he's got the double-sided lightsaber. It's true. Knows what he's at

backin'. I have an idea how it might have finished. With the semen. Right there. Space comb. Space comb! Full of midichlorians. Okay. That is true. That is true. Yeah. Okay, here's a question.

Can the force be passed along? Is it like a sexually transmitted disease? Because we know it's like a blood disease, basically. It's like, oh, you got too many midichlorians, so you have the force. Gotta cut down on eggs.

Yeah, can you pass it on? I don't know. Maybe that's why the Jedis aren't allowed to have sex. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, because they want to fucking keep it a small. Wait, it is because he passed it on to his kids, right? It's kind of genetic.

Oh, I don't know what you're talking about. Don't worry about it. What are you talking about? It was completely vague. If he hadn't said anything, I would have been like, yeah. So he would pass it on to his kids. Okay. Here's the fan fiction that I want to read.

It's amazing how long this is taking you to find. I was trying to find another one backed up so I could move straight on from this to another one. I got this one. Ready? Okay. This is written first person. Okay. What's it called?

Dexter's Supreme. Now, I don't know if you remember, Chase, but Dexter is the owner of the diner. Oh, how could I forget? Of course. Griffin's favorite character in the text. Very helpful in the investigation. Yeah. Very helpful diner employee.

Yep. And he has a very strange mustache. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He does have four arms. This is written first person, it's like a testimony. Dex is a great pal of mine, and we get along splendidly when I visit his restaurant.

Of course, it's usually when the man I love, Quinlan Voss, has to go to Dex for information on his ridiculous quest to find this mysterious guy called a Sith Lord. But it's great to see Dex and his diner nevertheless. The inside and outside decor of the place is just gorgeous. It looks so much more classical and elegant than all those trashy joints down in the chorus on Underlevels where I usually have to do my work. Although there's one detail to the diner that I like that is similar even to the only beautiful detail in all of Nar Shaddaa. It's neon sign on one of the front windows which displays the diner's logo. I just happen to like a pretty red and blue neon sign because I also happen to like light emitting deodes wherever I go.

Perhaps what I like even more about Dex's Diner though, this is chapter 3 of 8. I skipped the first two because the first two aren't good. Oh yeah, I'm sure. Perhaps what I like even more about Dex's Diner though is Dex's compassion. David?

What? He doesn't look down on lowlifes like me, like some of the other more, quote-unquote, elite people on Coruscant and throughout the galaxy often do. I know that because he gladly took in his human waitress, Hermione Bagua, under his wing after discovering her being forced to work hard and dirty for a living in the Underlevels.

She's very grateful to him for it, and she enjoys competing with the droid waitress Flo for the attention of the diner's patrons. Wouldn't you, if you were a woman? What? So to sum up, Dex has got great food and drink too, and sometimes... You can talk about the food. Likes to snitch...

Is this a Yelp review? Yeah. Everything was a little under seasoned. This woman has written a Yelp review, a fan fiction Yelp review. A seven chapter Yelp review of Dexter's Diner.

How much more is it? You're not reading anymore I forbid it but is there anything else? I'm almost at the end of this review. So sum it up, Dex. I got great food and drink, too. And sometimes I like to snitch from other customers' plates. Not a term. You don't snitch from someone's plate.

You don't. You can snatch. You can snitch information to someone. I suppose. Just to tease Dex. I sometimes like to snitch from other customers' plates just to tease Dex. But what really makes this diner worthwhile is the kindness of Dex and his generosity to underdogs like Hermione and me.

If people look down on you at other restaurants, I guarantee you won't regret trying out Dex's plates. And who's this by? Okay, ready? Yeah. Colleen Hentz, girlfriend of Jedi Master Quinlan Vos. What? I did not find this review helpful.

Jedi Master got a girlfriend? No, Chase already nailed it, man. Jedi Master got a girlfriend? I'm looking it up. Quinlan Vos? Quinlan Vos! Is that a made-up fan fiction character? No, he's not.

That is unfortunately a real... Google was on that shit. It auto completed for me. Quinlan Voss. Here he is on Wikipedia. Wikipedia warns that this information is very out of date and badly written. There he is.

Pretty hot. Doesn't matter. Oh, he walked perilously Sounds like a DJ. to the dark side. He does sound like a DJ. And now, I bet Coruscant has so many DJs. That city must be choked with it.

It really is. They're saying that he walked perilously close to the dark side. Do you think it's because he has a girlfriend? She sounds very nice. And it sounds like she comes from a bad background. Although she does snitch from people's plates a little too much. Do you think it's because he has a girlfriend? She sounds very nice. Yeah. Yeah. And it sounds like she comes from a bad background. Although she does snitch from people's plates a little too much.

And she also has weird ideas of what all women want. To compete with robot waitresses. Of the four planets, what's your favorite planet, Chase, on this movie? We got Coruscant, we got Tatooine, we got Naboo, and then we got Geonosis. We got Tatooine, we got Naboo, and then we got Geonosis. Tatooine and Geonosis, both desert planets. Oh, I guess there's Kamino, too. I would say Tatooine, probably, because you know there's not going to be any EDM on Tatooine. You can't say the same for Coruscant.

Tatooine still probably has the blues. That's how far back it is. It has the blues. Yeah, that's how that's how far back it is has the blues yeah like that's where they're up to um no yeah cause they go in that bar

uh on Carson yeah which looks horrible yeah it's like a sports bar yeah death sticks come on

there's like a million there's a million TV screens it looks really really annoying it's like midtown Carson's like the Midtown planet. Totally. Most of them were on sports. Yeah.

It's bad. Weird space sports. Yeah. It's the Kip's Bay of space. What are you doing, Griffin? How quaint for Dex to own and run a diner that looks like the architecture of Coruscant back in the days of the golden age of the Republic.

So, apparently, the golden age of the Republic looked like the 1950s. We've talked about how weird it is. It is really weird that Dex's diner, it's like someone opened a 50s diner on a space. Yeah, but what are the 50s there? This is supposedly a long time ago. Yeah. Go on. So you're saying the golden age of the Republic basically just looked like Pleasantville?

That's what you're saying? Yeah. Yeah. If I ever have a permanent home, like Coruscant sort of is, that's already sad. Is it a drifter or a vagabond? Well, that's probably who ends up in Coruscant. It's a weird place to end up.

Who would want to live there? Then I would like it to be this diner. Not I would like it to be like this diner. This person wants to live in this diner. I enjoy having conversations here with Ahsoka, my fellow Padawan, my master Luminara Unduli. Fucking name drop

much? It has a beautiful decor colored in the same color. Griffin. What? This is boring as shit. Fine. You want me to pump it up? Yeah. Do you want me to pump it up?

Yes. I'm so glad there's no decks like sex fiction now. I thought that's what we were building. Me too. I thought we were building that. No, fine. I'll read a different story. Because he doesn't have forearms like jerking off.

Yeah. I'll go to a different story. He's got a lot of stories. It works very late nights. I got different... You guys think this is boring? I was trying to fucking go highbrow. Here's a new story

for you. It's called Taking Charge. Look, Anakin says as he starts pulling his boots all over the expansive throw on her bed, which doesn't help its cause. It's cute and everything that you want to help out. I just think you're better staying behind a desk. It's safer. His gaze is well-meaning, even a bit adoring.

Padme is feeling like she had something to prove. Suddenly, Anakin is being straddled. He laughs, ignoring the annoyed expression on his wife's face. I love it when you get all feisty, he grins. So this is a direct sequel. Does he have his robot arm? Yeah. Cool.

I was trying to find another one. So is this like a Fifty Shades of Grey ripoff basically with Anakin and Padme? And Padme in the Mr. Grey role? Not answering. Padme starts digging in the top drawer of her nightstand. Christian Grey. That's his name. She pulls out a flimsy scarf and begins winding it around the glove wrist of Anakin's robot hand.

Robot hand! Oh man, I wonder if that's going to fucking hold that robot hand. Anakin watches her bemused. Soon both wrists are tied to separate posts. Anakin has his back, his head propped in a couple of simmer silk pillow shams. That's a lot of silk. Don't you think there should be a Star Wars movie about how much Padme wastes her planet's money on crazy silk clothes? Yeah, I'm going to skip ahead.

Yeah, please do. To the end. Anakin's tongue darts out, steady and methodical. Padme's pubic hair is tickling his nose. Padme quivers and moans as he licks her cunt, gasping and clutching her husband's hair and shoulders and her own breasts as his tongue rubs against a tiny nub at the top of her slit. David is checking his work email.

Anakin catches on quickly and begins concentrating. It was the word pubic hair that caused me to unlock my iPhone. On that specifically, running his tongue in slow circular motions, breathing carefully so he doesn't asphyxiate. It's an arduous project, even though Padme is pretty well fired up. But Anakin has had to endure multiple hours of meditation with Master Yoda, and that's way less fun. Well, I'm glad it's less fun.

I'm glad we have someone else here with us this time around. Yeah, I know. It's good. You get to really enjoy this, Chase. Yeah, this is great. What happens at the end of this awful story? He feels Padme settle alongside along his side, cushioning her head with his bound arm. Gonna untie me, he

asks as they long to a peaceful silence. I'm sure he could untie. He has the chosen Jedi of the future. He's incredible. He feels Padme shrug. I guess someone has to help me carry groceries in. Anakin smiles. What do you think they shop in?

Do you think they have like a Whole Foods there? Space Whole Foods? Definitely. I think there's tons of Space Whole Foods. Space Trader Joe's? Yeah. Trader Jabba's? It does. I think Naboo. Naboo is definitely a Trader Joe's. Yeah. Trader Jabba's. Keep those. Wait, no. I think Naboo. Naboo is definitely a Trader Joe's.

Oh, yeah, right. Because they're all a little like, they're a little proud of themselves over in Naboo. But then the Gungans are all the guys working at the Trader Joe's, and it's like, it's a little uncomfortable. You've got to wear the Hawaiian shirts. Like Mark Harmon in summer school. Tying it all back together.

Full circle. There was one story I was trying to find that I couldn't find that took place on their wedding night. I thought this was clever. I thought this was creative. Oh, this is their wedding night? No, that one's not. I had to read that as a replacement. It'd be fucked up.

Their wedding night. He just got his arm chopped off. Yeah, I had to read that as a replacement. The one I read last night that was really good, and I couldn't fucking find it again right now, was a lot about how self-conscious Anakin was of the robot hand and her being like, I don't care. I just want you to touch me. And he's like, with this disgusting robot hand. It's not real. Like, he's really self-conscious about it.

It's like leaking oil all over her. Yeah. He doesn't want to touch her with the robot hand. Sure. So then what he does is he masturbates her with the force. So he doesn't have to make direct contact. Well, this is a question. Can he do the

force out of his robot hand? In this story, he could. And George Lucas wrote this story. George Lucas wrote it. He wrote every story that we've read aloud today. Yeah, the Dexter Yelp reviews, he wrote the deleted scenes, he wrote Taking Charge. He actually did write the deleted scenes. The funniest fact of them all.

Ben's indicating that I look over at his screen. I'm going to move my head slowly over to the screen to see what he's talking about. You guys were talking about The Phantom Menace earlier on in the episode. It brought back some memories of that movie.

Remember the guy with the double lightsaber? Darth Maul. Yeah. What happened to that guy? We thought he was going to come back as a clone in this movie. He didn't. He really did. So I was searching on the internet.

Dude, there's a third movie. What? A third Darth Maul movie? I'm looking at it right now. What? Revenge of the Sith. Came out in 2005. How much do you think people can put up with us at this point, that we're doing this again?

Episode three? Wait, wait. There's a third movie? Revenge of the Sith? What? How many people take it seriously? That's a typo. You think it's just two?

Yeah. It's Wikipedia. I'm not wearing my glasses. I can't see how many numerals there I mean, it's Wikipedia. I'm not wearing my glasses. I can't see how many numerals there are. I don't know. I'm seeing three I's. There's three I's. Chase, have you heard of this movie, episode three, Revenge of the Sith?

No, and I refuse to acknowledge its existence. That's a wise move. For you, this film is Expanded Universe, episode three. Click over there. Click on that one. Yeah, click. No, no, that's the one on the Wikipedia. Oh, sure, the IMDb.

Who directed it? 2005. It's George Lucas. George Lucas? Rated and directed by George Lucas. He fucking did it? Starring Hayden Christensen, Natalie Portman, and Ewan McGregor. What?

It's the same actors, too, again. Those guys. He fucking pulled it off. He did a full trilogy. Wow. He fully realized the ambition of this story. Wow. I'm so, that's so crazy. Three movies. What everyone aims to He fully realized the ambition of this story. Wow. I'm so,

that's so crazy. Three movies, what everyone aims to do. Three movies to cover one story. There's more Jimmy Smiths. There's more Samuel L. Jackson. Smith is fifth build. No, he's sixth build.

I can't believe it. The Star Wars trilogy. Oh my God. This is incredible. Crazy Bastard did it 10 years ago. I thought we were going to have to move on to PaulaCast. Our podcast about

Paula, Robin Thicke's follow-up album to Blurred Lines. We are going to do that. Don't worry about it. And Paula Poundstone. We might have to do Revenge of the Podcast. Oh, we're going to... We're going to do Revenge of the Podcast. Oh, we're going to. Oh, wow. We're going to do Revenge of the Podcast. How do you think this one's going to be?

Oh, I, you know, I just am sure this is where he figured it all out and he ties everything together. He's going to pull it all together. The clones are going to make sense now. Yeah, now they're going to attack finally. Yeah. On the poster, there's a guy with a black helmet. Must be a new character.

Yeah, I've never seen that before. Are you ready for my prediction? Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a good point. We did this last time where we predicted an army of Darth Maul clones. Because he was the most beloved element of Phantom Menace. He's pretty much the coolest part of the Phantom Menace. They kill him off, they made a mistake.

So in classic City Slickers 2 fashion, how do you get Jack Palance back in there? Twin brother. Or fucking Clone Army. Army of Darth Mauls, right? Yeah. This movie doesn't fucking follow through with that. But what if Revenge of the Sith, the Sith that is getting its

revenge is the ghost of Darth Maul? I don't know, man. Maybe he's wearing that black helmet. That's what I'm saying! Yeah. What if that's the twist? Is that guy takes off his helmet and it's Darth Maul. I don't know, man. Maybe he's wearing that black helmet. That's what I'm saying. What if that's the twist? That guy takes off his helmet and it's Darth Maul, our old buddy. My question is, you've got these three movies, and these two movies the Sith have been plotting, right?

You've got Palpatine, he's pulling some strings. When are they going to get their comeuppance? I assume in this movie, right? Even though it's called Revenge of the Sith, but then I assume they're brought down at the end of the movie. Yeah, I mean, it would be really, really, really annoying if there

were three movies and the Sith did not get their comeuppance. No, that's not how storytelling works. No one would do that. That's crazy. It's three movies. It's like, yeah, classic Hollywood. It's stupid that you didn't say it, David. Well, I'm pretty stupid. No, but we're talking classic three-arc structure, and as much as these two movies don't prescribe to that on their own. And gel together at all.

Right. This one's going to bring it all home. Yeah. And Act 3 is the comeuppance. We got the resolution, you know? I just want a nice, tight, clean ending. Nice, tight, clean ending. A lot of Smiths.

I'm so excited by Smiths being six bills. Oh, man. His part must be so big in this. Because Smiths. I'm so excited by Smiths being six Bill. Oh man. His part must be so big. Because Smiths is in Clones. For like two minutes and you're like what the hell is Jimmy Smiths doing in this movie? Who invited him to this party? He was the only reason I went to see it actually. You were the number one president of the Smiths family. I thought there was going to be more and then I checked the deleted

scenes expecting it to be all Smiths and there was no Smiths. So there was like a 20 minute Smith arc. Smiths arc. Smith Smiths. I can't believe this. Well yeah I know. If Ben found this by googling Darth Maul there was no sense. There was like a 20-minute Smith arc. Smith's arc. Yeah. Smith, Smith's. I can't believe this. Well, yeah, I know. If Ben found this by Googling Darth Maul, there's no question Darth Maul's going to be a big part of this movie. And maybe, spoiler alert,

but Darth Maul's going to be a big part of this movie. I think so. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm ready for like... He'd have to be because otherwise, who's the villain? I don't even know of any other villains. No.

I mean, what? Dooku got away. I guess maybe you set Dooku up to be a master villain too. Dooku gets away on his little bike. I love Dooku to team up with Darth Maul. Because the fact that Dooku gets away in this movie, I thought that was a weird choice on its own. Yeah, we never really talked about it.

It is weird. But knowing that they got a third movie, it's like, okay, so he's going to come back as the master villain. He's going to have a whole arc throughout the third film. Do you know what I'm saying? Of course. In clones, he only appears in the last 20, 30 minutes. That's true.

Well, there is the scene with his head, though. They assumed the bus. The bus. But that got cut out. But he did sit for six hours. They're going to build some amazing fight scene at the end of three with Dooku. I'm telling you. And Maul.

Maybe Dooku and Maul. You know how in fucking, in Phantom, it was like two Jedi versus one Sith? Mm-hmm. It was Obi-Wan. Maybe this will be two Sith versus one Jedi? Yeah. That'd be pretty cool. Obi-Wan gets his revenge.

But, I mean, of course, of course there's a third movie. The second movie literally does not wrap anything up. It leaves every thread dangling I didn't even think about this yeah we're gonna get fucking Clone Wars you know cause they got married the Clone Wars star

oh my god you've got all kinds of stuff going on so this movie we're getting fucking honeymoon we're getting Clone Wars dive right into the Clone Wars yeah

although you did say there was some movie about the Clone Wars or TV show or something but I don't know what you're talking about I say a lot of stuff I don't know and Dex I'm sure Dex will come back TV show or something, but I don't know what you're talking about. I say a lot of stuff.

And Dex, I'm sure Dex will come back. Dex has got to come back. He's going to play in. More Watto. Yeah, more Watto. I'd love to see another pod race. Yeah, that'd be great. Yeah, bring it back to the pod racing.

Yeah. Oh boy. Wow, this is huge. Chase, I'm so happy you could- I'm so glad you're on here. Yeah, I'm glad. I'm glad that I Oh boy. Wow. This is huge. Chase, I'm so happy you could be here. I'm glad that I was here for this.

This is huge. Yeah, this is huge. Do other people know about this? We're going to find out. This might be exclusive. We might be this movie may not

have been released. We might be scooping. It might be like the day the clown cried. Lucas might have made it and then put it in a vault and then told the National Film Registry that they could release it 10 years after.

And I'm sure it's good if that's the case. I'm sure it has just as many Nazis, too. Yeah. Totally. Probably. Probably that's why he didn't want to release it, because it's too good. Yeah, that's what it is. Too many Nazis is too real for people.

It would make the others two look weird. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's the good one. Oh, God. I'm so excited. Yeah. I'm so ready. Well, Chase, thank you for being on the show. Because it's the good one. Oh, God. I'm so excited. Yeah. I'm so ready.

Well, Chase, thank you for being on the show. Thanks for having me, guys. Please watch The Tonight Show. Yeah. You guys should.

And Jimmy's good. I have, I also have a podcast I want to plug. It's similar to, if you like cereal, you'll love this. I single-handedly

investigate a crime. It's calledhandedly investigate a crime. It's called chasing blaming. I will pay you $100 if you actually do that. Have you been just like the whole episode? I thought of that

an hour and 11 minutes ago. Yes. And you also, you have your podcast where you give people advice on how to break into the industry, which is Chasing the Dream, of course. Right, yeah. Yeah, that's another podcast we have. And Jimmy's going to mention this podcast live on the air, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Every day starting Monday. You're just going to slip it into the prompter because he'll read anything on the prompter. Yeah. Every day starting Monday. You're just going to slip it into the prompter because he'll read anything on the prompter. Yeah. And yeah, we're proud to announce the Roots Crew is going to be our new house band for Revenge of the Podcast. It's going to be tough fitting them all in. Wait, is that one podcast you're doing?

I don't know if it's still active. It was like the Entourage themed one. I think it was called Chase on Chase. Oh boy. Oh boy. Ben, I'm sorry to announce that you've been fired as the producer of this podcast. Chase on Chase. Chase on Chase. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Ben, I'm sorry to announce that you've been fired. Chase on Chase. Chase on Chase.

Oh, my God. The show in which Chase interviews Adrian Grenier in character. In character as Vinny Chase. Hey, he can talk to Johnny, too, right? They've done 85 episodes of that. It's crazy. We're getting up there, though. Imagine if you did that.

David, you and I are getting up there. If you just talked pop culture with Adriangenuity in character as Vinny Chase, that would be amazing. And he acted as if he was himself, but within the structure of Hollywood somehow. We gotta get that happening. Well, next week,

our feature-length commentary closing out the season. Connor Ratliff is back, our first two-time guest. Oh, boy. Closing out the season. Connor Ratliff is back. Our first two-time guest. Oh, Connor's going to be there? Yeah. Okay. We're going to do it with Connor.

Okay. But yeah, we're going to do a full commentary with Connor. And I mean, God, we're going to view this movie in such a different way, knowing now that it's the middle chapter of a trilogy. Yeah, it still sucks, though. Yeah, but maybe we'll see, you know, maybe retroactively it will be good.

He's so optimistic. He's the optimist. Maybe Revenge of the Sith will make it good. You know what I'm saying? I do. That's where it was going the whole time.

Yeah, there's so many examples of that being true. I can't believe Hayden Christensen's bag playing Anakin though. I should have recast that. They'd have Walter Matthau Bring Jake Lloyd back. Yeah, they'd age him up

another 40 years. Right yeah. Yeah that's true. That means it's gonna be you know. Tight timeline. Yeah. Rather than the big

time jump. Honeymoon. Clone Wars. Maul. I'm calling it. Calling the shots. Yeah you were totally wrong.

Pod race. Pod race. Space watermelon. Space watermelon. Maybe a little TC-14. Oh boy. That's too much to ask for. She's dead. Yeah Ghost of our favoritemelons. Maybe a little TC-14. Oh, boy. That's too much to ask for. She's dead.

Yeah, ghosts of our favorite characters. Darth Maul, TC-14, and... TC-14, by the way, is the silver droid who serves the Jedi as their drinks in the first scene in the Phantom Menace. Yeah. You know what I'm talking about. Griffin has a big crush on her.

That hot piece? Chrome body? Well, Chase, thank you for being here. Follow Chase on Twitter. Yep. Chase Mitt Yes On Twitter One of the best in game

He is He really is One of the best in game One of the best in game Nice guys David We've done it Yeah

David Elson's on Twitter Grip Lightning On Twitter No I was gonna say We literally never do that We've wrapped up We've wrapped up a movie We're gonna

We'll do the commentary But this is great We made it through another So glad we're never gonna talk we've wrapped up we've wrapped up a movie we're gonna we'll do the commentary but this is great we made it through another so glad we're never gonna talk about this movie again except for the one more time we're gonna talk about it again more time

full on commentary and Ben Dusser final thoughts 10 weeks in you hate this film you hate it from the get go final thoughts

final thoughts guys rate subscribe tell your friends iTunes commentary Griffin and David present send us emails to Griffin and David present at Gmail with ideas for other stuff that you

want us to talk about in the future. Right. After 10 more episodes of Revenge of the Podcast. Yeah. If you have thoughts. Oh, fuck, yeah. We have to. We have to.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe we can squeeze it down to five. We'll see. I think there's going to be a lot of meat on this bone. Boy. It's not like the last two times things have gotten sweaty at episode six. Yeah.

I think this movie is going to have ten episodes worth of quality content. Listen to the other UCB comedy podcast. Yep. All right. That's it, man. We did it. We did it. And as always, Griffin.

All right. man. We did it. We did it. And as always, Griffin. And, as always, yes, m'lady, he says, wiggling, soft fingers caress the base in his balls,

and then pull away.