Blank Check with Griffin & David - The Downfall Of Anakin Skywalker - Revenge Of The Podcast

Episode Date: September 28, 2015

This week Griffin and David, whilst yelling into microphones, dive right into the river of ham that is Anakin’s origin story and the main crux of the Phantom Menace series: turning to the dark side and becoming Darth Vader. Also, the MANY mistakes the Jedi council make, killing children, a space holocaust, and choking your wife because your trying to save her from your dreams where she dies. And of course, as always, fuck George Lucas.

🎵 Okay, let's just do this. We just have to rip this off like a band. There's no way to do it. We just have to rip this off like a band. There's no way to do it. We just have to fucking do this. I'm Griffin Newman. There's no way in. I'm David Sims.

That's the first way in is we just say our names, okay? Let's just take this one step at a time. I'm Griffin Newman. You're David Sims. Yeah. This is Griffin and Dave present... Revenge of the Podcast. That's what this is.

Yeah. Okay? Talking about Revenge of the Sims. That's what this is. The epic conclusion to the tragedy that began with the Phantom Menace. Tragedy in every sense. Yeah. Yeah.

That's what we're fucking tackling today. You know, we were trying to see how thin we can slice the bologna so we have enough stuff to cover for 10 episodes. I like thick bologna myself. You're talking about in a sandwich. Yeah, go on. Yeah, I know. I like thick bologna myself. You're talking about in a sandwich. Yeah, go on. Metaphorical bologna, David. Your taste aside.

This movie's bologna. This movie's bologna. It's a bunch of bologna. We were going to have a guest today. He got sick. Often we will present to the guest a couple options of like, oh, here are episode 5. Oh sure, what do you want to talk about yeah right um but since they cancel today we just went let's just fucking tackle the big thing because there's an unavoidable thing in this movie that that is essentially the

main crux of the film totally if not the entirety of the movie right and reveals the main crux of the entire series that's the thing yeah it it totally recolors the last two movies in a way that is i'm having a very hard time comprehending. I guess so. Yeah. You could argue this entire movie is a twist. Sure. It's not.

Yeah. When you watch Phantom and Attack of the Clones, you could predict this. You could. I mean, hindsight's 20-20. Yeah, hindsight's 20-20. Exactly. But before we get into this, a little housekeeping. Oh, okay.

Housekeeping. Just want to quickly remind everyone to please continue subscribing, rating, and reviewing on iTunes. Helps us. Yeah. Helps UCB comedy in general. Producer Ben Hosley, a.k.a. Purdue or Ben, a.k.a.

The Ben Ducer, a.k.a. Hello Fennel, a.k.a. Mr. Positive, a.k.a. The Haas, sitting to my right. Hello, gentlemen. Hey, Ben. Yes, fans. Come on, guys. Hey, Ben. Yes, fans. Come on, guys.

Rate and review. It's so easy. Ben has done us a mitzvah by allowing us to do this podcast, and we need to help line the coffers. That's right. Metaphorically. There's no money to be made, but we're lining the metaphorical coffers. There's no money to be made?

Hit stop. I'm out of here. You thought the checks were just eight months late? Oh, I mean, you thought- Hit stop. I'm out of here. You thought the checks were just eight months late? What do you mean? Oh, that was just a classic Sims bit. One of my patented Sims bits.

I want to make it clear. We don't do bits like that on the show. We don't pretend that movies don't exist. This show doesn't like bits. No. We don't pretend

that we thought we were getting paid. This is serious talk. It's a serious show. I mean, I'm thinking about changing the genre from comedy to just like TV and movies. It's like, this is a culture show. At very least, dramedy. I think that there's a dr show. I mean, I'm thinking about changing the genre from comedy to just like TV and movies.

It's like, this is a culture show. At very least, dramedy. I think that there's a dramedy section. We're the Nurse Jackie of podcasts. We are. This fucking movie is a tragedy. That was funnier than the reaction I got in this room. That was really funny.

That's really funny. All right. Tragedy of Revenge of the Sith. Please. This is the point I want to make, and I'll tie into everything. Please rate, review, subscribe, unless your review is going to be negative. They're going to give us low stars, which I'm going to restate, because maybe you skipped over episode one of Revenge of the Podcast.

You're jumping in today because you don't like hearing about the beginning of movies. Hey, how about this? You don't want to review the podcast. Review the movie. And just put that up. Just put that up. Who cares? But if.

But you better give us five stars. If you give us a bad review or anything less than five stars, you are a Sith Lord. And I want to state this very clearly before we get into the meat of this episode. Because if you are a Sith Lord. That is a bad thing to be. If you are a Sith Lord, stop listening now. I threw down the gauntlet last week. You are not allowed to listen to this podcast.

All right, Griffin. If you are a Sith Lord. Let's move on. Are all Sith Lords out? Let's move on. No bits. No bits. I'm serious.

I don't want fucking Sith Lords listening to this episode. Griffin, Griffin, let's get to the movie. This is a serious episode. All right, all right, all right. No more yelling about Sith Lords. Anakin turns out to be a Sith Lord. Yeah, totally. Yeah.

Or a Sith apprentice. Potential Sith Lord. Yeah, totally. Yeah. Or a Sith Apprentice. Potential Sith Lord. Yeah, I mean, this... Guess who else turns out to be a Sith Lord? This blew my mind. Palpatine. Supreme Chancellor Palpatine of the Galactic Republic. Yeah.

He was a Sith Lord. Yeah, that Mr. He had a lightsaber in his pocket the whole time. The whole time. In his arm sleeve. Makes me think that the Senate building should have had a metal detector at least. He's good at fighting, too.

Chancellor Palpatine, who routinely met... Yeah, of course he's good at fighting. He's Flubber. Yeah, he's a real Flubber fan. Like everyone else in this fucking movie is Flubber. He's a Flubber fighter

and a Flubber face. Yes. He's got a Flubber face in this movie. Palpatine's a different episode. Let's fucking focus on Anakin. Well, they're all very linked, though. because, I mean, me and you were talking beforehand, just so, you know, briefly. Yeah. Episode one,

all kinds of plots. Ensemble cast. All kinds of weird plots. Ensemble cast. All centered around this planetary war. You're showing us, yeah, you're showing us a galaxy. Boop, boop, boop-a-doop. Yeah. Episode two, like we say, classic mystery slash love story. Kind of a noir movie

one branch solving the mystery one branch falling in love meet back up epic gladiator battle clone war episode three

not really any plot right to it yeah episode three you got twenty minutes of war and then you got then just like a button

at the end this long dark button I'm glad that we had pre-established the tradition of making our first episode the beginning of the movie. Because the first time it's this movie are totally different than anything else that happens to them. It's almost like a mini movie. Yes it is.

I mean like essentially especially because it's setting up a little more Anakin stuff. Oh he chopped off that guy's head. Yeah. What's up with Anakin? No I don't want to harp on this. Uh oh. Better not be about Sith Lords. his head. Yeah. What's up with Anakin? No, I don't want to harp on this. Uh-oh. Better not be about Sith Lords. No, although, I mean,

who cares if I say something bad about Sith Lords because they're not listening at this point. What do you not want to harp on? First 20 minutes has some laugh. Yeah, sure. I mean, you know, Sith Lords are our speciality. Yeah. And, uh... Oh, I hate it when they do that. He says that I have a bad feeling about this when the wall's coming down.

There's some elevator hijinks up, down, you know. Solid banter. There's some banter. Grievous is kind of comical with the coughing and everything. Coughing's funny. I mean, all right, and you're pushing it, but okay. It's definitely more lighthearted, considering it's the set at the centerpiece of a huge galactic war.

I'm saying Phantom Ass has a lot of comedy. Huge laughs. A lot of laughs. Because you got Jar Jar wall to wall, right? Episode two is more serious, but like Anakin and Padme are fucking joking around with each other, diffusing sexual tension. But you're right. Episode two is way less laugh heavy. Yeah, but like, okay, we got like Dexter Jetser's a fun fucking scene.

Elon Sully's Bagano's a fun scene. There's fun stuff. I refuse to lionize episode two just because we watched episode three. Because I'll do it with Phantom, but I won't do it with Attack of the Clones. We said we recorded right before we recorded. The definitive ranking of these three films is one, two, three. It's not a question. But that doesn't mean Attack of the Clones deserves any credit. I don't know. I think I kind of love Attack of the Clones now one two three it's not a question but that doesn't mean attack of the clones deserves any credit i don't know i think i kind of love attack of the

clones now it's bad we were saying i i have never wanted to watch phantom menace more than i did re-watching revenge of the sith last night totally because now i realize uh i guess phantom master is a great movie anyway i guess it's a masterpiece because i didn't we didn't appreciate it when we had it i loved it it's so good ben's really mad at this no no it's great like you know with boy bands like i like this movie like i like the bad boy in the boy band yeah you know what i mean yep you love to hate it yeah right yeah whereas like phantom ass is like the brian latrell it's like you actually love it it's like the sweetie pieuttrell. It's like you actually love it. It's like the sweetie pie. Mm-hmm. Where was I going with this?

You didn't want to harp on something. This movie, past the first 22 minutes, is so devoid of humor. Yes, it is. That is true. I can't think of a single joke. No, not a single joke. And not a single funny character. We got no funny characters. Just give me a break with a funny character.

We've pre-established in the last two miniseries my holy tr of characters i couldn't give you three characters i know one i was gonna say yeah do you have any favorite side characters fucking everyone sucks in this movie what about the the lizard the iguana that obi-wan rides around yeah the dactyl yeah i mean i'm i'm reticent yes that is my favorite part of the movie and we'll devote an entire that's your favorite part of the movie it's so bad Yes it is I almost texted you when I was re-watching it You should have

For the 15 minutes Because I didn't want to say something I'd regret later For the 15 minutes where Obi-Wan's riding the dactyl I almost texted you and went David what are you talking about? This movie is great Oh god I hate that sequence

Mostly because it looks really bad Here's what I like about the dactyl sequence It's a giant iguana It's goofy It is more goofy iguana. It's goofy. It is more goofy than the rest. It's so silly. I want this movie to be silly. I don't want to be a fucking... You know what?

I will say, yeah. When Anakin ignited that lightsaber in the Jedi Council in front of those younglings... Let's do this quickly. Episode 1 introduces us to a small slave boy. He is very chipper. Good with

engineering. Good with McKeens. McKeens and rubbits. He's all about McKeens and rubbits, okay? And he's very chipper and everyone goes, ooh, you're angry. Yeah. Everyone's like, watch out! Yeah. And he's like, what?

And they're like, what a fucking little brat. Right? They're playing both hands. There's someone saying, ooh, this kid's bad news. By the way, all the pressure on the world, you might be the chosen one. And we tested your blood and it

says you are. Right. So they go, conflict of interest. All signs point to you being the chosen one. And we tested your blood and it says you are. Right. Right. So they go conflict of interest. All signs point to you being the chosen one but we don't like you. Yeah. And also say goodbye to your mother. Okay. But he acts like a little boy. Whether or not Jake Lloyd's performance is

naturalistic enough to recall how a boy behaves in real life within the realm of this movie he is recognizable as how a boy behaves in real life within the realm of this movie he is recognizable as how a boy would act at that age right episode 2 Anakin's a bummer but the way in which he's a bummer and once again it's a bad performance but within the parameters of what the film establishes

this is how a fucking teenager acts it's sullen it acts out he's headstrong he's moody yeah doesn't listen to authority super hormonal very hormonal he's very upset about his doesn't listen to authority super hormonal very hormonal he's very upset about his mother getting raped

and murdered by Tusken Raiders as we all are as teenagers it's just a classic it's a tale as old as time your mother gets kidnapped by sand people

yeah it's just yeah it's old school this is what happens I hate talking about these movies my point is the first two films

Anakin behaves in ways that are generally recognizable as how people would act at those ages. Yeah, sure. Okay? There's a clear characterization of just Anakin is growing up. He is the chosen one. The brief dalliance with murder that he has where he kills all the sand people is such a clear act of revenge. Yeah, it is.

I mean, it's... No, what were you going to say? Well, it's obviously, now that we've seen episode three, planted there to suggest some sort of inner rage. But I would say it is done so ham-fistedly. Yes. I think, like, you can look at Attack of the Clones

and be like, okay, in the classic hero's journey, this is almost like the refusal of the call. You know, this is like the crisis of faith moment he can't maintain his sort of stability that is demanded of him right and nor when we sympathize with that and in a way you know our our failures make us better people right you know it could be his bottom right for him to rise up from yeah you know like like like a lazarus pit sure and at the beginning

of Revenge of the Sith, there's some indication like, hey, he's matured into a bit more of a cool-headed Jedi. Yeah. You know, he's hitting that center eye

on the buzz droids. I don't know what he's doing. He's getting 500 points for buzz droids. You know, he seems, and he chops off Dooku's head, sure,

but he regrets it. Yeah. He thinks it's a bad idea. Yeah, pretty much immediately. Oh, I shouldn't have done that. Yeah. Oh, no, it was a bad idea. But Anakin and Obi-Wan are joking.

They're at an even level. It's not like, oh, Anakin, how dare you? It's like, huh, you sure killed those buzz droids. And he doesn't seem out of control. No, he doesn't. He seems, in fact seems very in control in control hayden christensen's performance is i would argue so laconic in this movie that he by emoting so little seems to be the most controlled human being in the world uh sure especially opposite uh the uh oh you know um ewan mcor, who has fallen into the River of Ham.

He's bathing in the river. No, he fell in, head first, and he can't get out. I sent you that quote I love, right? Which one? You mean Kenneth Branagh, the River of Ham? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He said to Ray Stevenson, right?

On the set of Thor. Yeah. Ray Stevenson said, I'm worried about dipping my toe into the River of Ham, and he went, no, bathe in the river of ham. Bathe in the river of ham. I've bathed in that river many times. It's a great river. I love Kenneth Branagh.

I want to say this. And I think he gave one of the most underrated cheesy villain performances the last 10 years in Jack Ryan's Shadow Recruit. I know you love that performance, but you also... It's a terrible movie. Yeah. That movie ends with him diffusing a small bomb in like Battery Park City.

It is like the lamest movie. But your defense of that performance, I'm not saying it needs to be defended, but your argument for why that performance is so great,

and I'm quoting you almost directly here, is that we're watching Ken Branagh just serve up slice after slice of fine honey baked ham. I believe that's what you tweeted.

Honey baked Virginia ham! I believe that's what you tweeted. It probably is. Slice after slice of fine honey baked ham. Honey baked Virginia ham! I believe that's what you tweeted. Slice after slice of fine honey baked ham. That movie is so cataclysmically boring. You said sweet ham, right? And then he shows up. He directed the damn movie and obviously just gave himself the good role

and he's like swilling wine and going I regret what we do. You know. I mean I could use more fucking ham in this movie. There's some. Yeah, I could use more. There's a slice of ham with the name Ian McDermott on it. Well, he's a fucking ham sandwich.

And there's a side of ham salad, which is Obi-Wan Kenobi. Yeah, but ham salad's the right analogy because it's also, the ham is cut with really boring lettuce. Sure. It's like ham on top of just water crisp lettuce. There's like beef wellington, like tough, overcooked beef wellington, and that is like Hayden Christensen.

Smiths? More Smiths. We thought Smiths was going to have so much to do this time around. He's like fourth build in this movie It's crazy Back on track Hayden Christensen Is so laconic that the guy seems

Totally in control Even when he chops off someone's head He seems pretty in control That definitely seems like the film is starting to tip it's hands Showing that the killing of The Tusken Raiders was not a one-off right that if pushed yeah anakin can kill very quickly and and also reason if given encouragement he'll he'll jump to death that he's never found the apparent sort of sort of calm you

know pope-like centeredness that every other jedi seems to have every other jedi is told something like basically like the siths are controlling every aspect of society and pulling all the that every other Jedi seems to have. Every other Jedi is told something like, basically, like, the Siths are controlling every aspect of society and pulling all the strings, and they react as if they've been told, like, you know, we're out of tuna salad today. Despite what he says to many people, including his wife, married life seems to have given him no happiness.

No, it's true. I mean, there's the scene where they see each other, like, for the first time since he got back from pillar city yeah at this set that we keep returning to that's just 80 it's just an auto population of pillars it's just pillars pillar pillar pillar yeah well they did a copy paste i mean it really looks like someone took sim city and just was like drop a pillar every there's a lot of copy pasting in this movie. A lot. Yeah, they meet by some pillars. Yeah, and he's just like, oh, Batman, I missed you so much.

Oh, what are you doing? I was at the war. The last movie was about you fucking fighting to be with this woman. It's been three years or so. Against all odds, against all judgments. You're laying low. Like, you've sacrificed so much to be with her. should fucking be still head over heels in love with her or the fact that you're falling out of love should be

the point instead it's just like boring couple and what news does she give him right after the first 22 minutes she's got some news she's pregnant but I think this is a different episode I want to I want to stay on Anakin okay just his emotional journey in this film okay okay because we got we got a fucking we got

a we got relax let's just tell the story. I'm so, David, I'm so frustrated with this movie. You're worried too much. Do you remember last week when I was hoping that I would like it, watching the whole thing? Yeah, but that was just stupid. Yeah, it was dumb. That was real stupid of you.

Okay. We should also say that you earlier today saw a very depressing traumatic movie and i earlier today had to say goodbye to a friend who's moving to la and i'm very upset about oh who uh my manager oh yeah i'm sorry he's not technically my manager he was my manager's assistant okay yeah but he's uh become one of my very good friends and he's yeah we're recording this late in the day and i saw room is is a real, it's a punishing film. It makes you feel like you're trapped in a small, enclosed room from which there is no escape. And another thing that makes you feel like you're trapped in a small room with no escape is having to say goodbye to Nick Damiano.

Bye, Nick. Bye, Nick. All right. Please, let's carry on. Finds out Padme's pregnant. They're living in an apartment in Coruscant in secret, I suppose? No one knows they're together. They have a huge apartment.

It makes no sense. She has this palatial apartment with a great view of downtown Coruscant. I don't know. Is there not paparazzi, too? Like, how are they keeping this a secret? She's, like, in the government. Whole planet's a city. Pretty sure that's always going to be the answer.

Whole planet's a city. A lot of alleys to duck down. It's a big old city. I mean, government. Whole planet's a city. Pretty sure that's always going to be the answer. Whole planet's a city. A lot of alleys to duck down. Big old city. I mean, it's the whole planet, so. There is a actor who I'm working with right now. Who? I don't want to say anything, because the whole point of this story is the desire for anonymity. I'm not saying anything embarrassing, but you'll see when I explain.

But you're going to tell me off mine. When I tell the anecdote. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Obviously. Yeah, you'll fucking, you could figure it out too. Yeah. I could always cut it out. No, you're not it out too. I could always cut it out. No, you're not cutting it out. I'm trying to make a point here.

Ben never cuts anything out. Okay. Ben, cut out this part. No, go on. No bits. Ben, cut out the part about you not cutting stuff out. Because that makes the podcast sound sloppy. You're right. No bits. Starting from when David said

Ben will cut this out to right now now okay there's an actor i'm working with right now wait but you're gonna have to cut out either that line or the first time i said there's an actor i'm working with i hate this will sound like redundant okay you're an actor you're working with uh he was talking about on set uh earlier this week how he bought a new place with his Paramore. Oh. And did it under

his own name rather than creating an LLC to buy the place. Sure. And because of that I guess real estate listings are public if things are bought and sold they just are publicly released in the paper and stuff check out like ex-celebrities

listed their apartment or whatever he just bought something and then it was just listed on like the big New York Times list of like apartment sales in New York City and then a bunch of outlets picked up his name on this list of non-famous

buying stuff. Right. And then it was like a fucking People magazine thing. And people were like investigating their place and all this stuff. People like to know these things. The point is, it was that easy for like 47,000 outlets. And it's like, now I can't help but be hounded by fucking stuff about the place I'm moving into. Everyone fucking knew.

And now everyone knows everything about his life. You tell me fucking, Anakin and Padme have like a beautiful- They are married. They're married? Yeah. They have like a beautiful, like it looks like a penthouse. It's huge. It's got this crazy balcony.

It's the craziest balcony I've ever seen. It's almost, it's 50% balcony, this apartment. Not to mention, lady's pregnant. She's pregnant. balcony, this apartment. Not to mention Lady's pregnant. She's pregnant. And becoming more and more visible by the day. Yeah. Anakin and her spend a ton of time together. They do. So, like, probably at the end of, like, Jedi Council meetings they're like, hey, Anakin, do you want a ride? I'm going

back to our Jedi chambers. He's like, no, no, no. This is where we already don't know the answer. Where do the Jedis live? Do they live in the temple? Do they have, like, little apartments there? Yeah, they probably do. These questions are never answered. That's my assumption. So my assumption is Anakin's got his Jedi temple

apartment. Padme bought that place by herself. Right. And he goes over there every night and no one's ever noticed? Well. It's a juicy story. Come on. I mean, they've got newspapers, right? They've gotta have I guess, do they have tvs i don't know i thought for much of this movie that everyone was just choosing to turn a blind eye to

it and then there was a moment late in the film in which obi-wan visits padme to warn her of the turn that anakin has taken and he goes, Anakin's the father, isn't he? Yeah. And he has, it's like a sudden realization. Do you think, because I was trying to wonder if that is a realization or if he's just kind of like

trying to confirm what he maybe already knows, like, Anakin's the father, isn't he? Yeah, but it's still a question, David. Oh, sure, sure, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As opposed to like- Then he's like, I'm so sorry. I spend all my time with Anakin.

Yeah. I've known you forever. He's literally my like work best friend. Yeah. He's time with Anakin. Yeah. I've known you forever. He's literally my like work best friend. Yeah. He's my work husband. Yeah. Work wife. Yeah, exactly.

I've known, I met you the same time that he met her, all this. I know, I know. It's all very silly. Okay. Okay. But think about Padme, who is so beloved as a queen okay then becomes a senator people fucking love her

even more there's an assassination attempt on her yeah she's the leader of the anti-war effort she's a huge fucking figure so you're saying like why isn't anyone asking any questions about her she's pregnant no one's even asking maybe look maybe a long time ago in a galaxy far far away society was a little more evolved,

and we didn't get into people's personal lives, you know? I'm not saying we gotta fucking, you know, show the spinning newspaper headlines of the Jedi gossip rags. I'm just saying, don't you think there should at least be a scene where Yoda's like, pregnant? Padme is. The father there must be. No, because then that would show you that the Jedi have the powers

of deductive reasoning, which this entire film and this entire series shows you they do not. I can't believe it took them ten years to figure out Palpatine. How many years did they hang out with Palpatine? Ten years, right? Have meetings with him? No, I tried to calculate this, because what? No, it's ten years. No, it's more, isn't it?

Because isn't there nine years between Phantom and Attack, or is it seven? No, I think it's seven. Okay, so yeah, it's about ten years total. it's more, isn't it? Because isn't there nine years between Phantom and Attack? Or is it seven? No, I think it's seven. Okay, so yeah, it's about 10 years total. And then like three years of Clone Wars. Yeah. From the time this movie started. Yeah.

I mean, I get that Palpatine's a Sith Lord, and we'll get into this in future episodes. Yeah. But how did the Jedis not even have an inkling? Especially as they're like, wow, a Sith Lord's really up to something. Also, the leader of the galaxy is like consolidating power and creating clone armies out of nowhere. See, I kept on watching this movie. I wonder if these things are connected.

I kept on watching this movie, giving it the benefit of the doubt and going like, okay, this realization just must have happened off screen. And then there'll be a scene like 20 minutes before the film ends in which Yoda reveals for the first time that Palpatine is Darth Sidious. And everyone's like, oh no. It's like, no, I thought... Alright, so back to Anakin. Okay, so Anakin.

There's just, I mean, it's so easy to get frustrated with this film. These are ostensibly kids movies, right? I mean, I guess so, but this one's the least, it's a PG-13 movie. Yeah. It's a little more violent. But these are. It's a little sadder. It's ostensibly.

Yeah, family films. Right. Family films. They introduced us to a little boy in the first movie. Yeah. The second movie, they show us a teen going through rough years. In the third movie, they go, hey, fuck you for liking this guy. He's the worst.

He's a bad boy. Watch him murder everybody. I don't think that's true. I'm going to disagree with you. What do you think? I don't think that the movie is angry with us for liking the guy. I think it's just a tragic fall, you know, right? It's like we're watching the tragic fall of everything.

It's like the kind of fall of the Roman Empire. We've got the Jedis. We've got the Old Republic. We've got the prophecy of the Chosen One. And it all just crumbles before our eyes. So is this movie just saying... It's just a tragedy. Everything's terrible.

I guess so. There's no... There are a couple, but there's not a lot of notes of hope in this film. No, I could use a little hope. There's a couple dangling threads, but that's about it. You know my trademark catchphrase, right? I don't. Everything's terrible,

everyone's the worst? Oh yeah, of course I know that. It's a great catchphrase. Right, it does feel kind of like that's maybe what Georgie Porgi's trying to get at in this movie. I don't think he's angry at the viewer for liking Anakin in the first two films. And also, to say that the viewer likes Anakin's a bit of a stretch. He is clearly presented as... Yeah, he's tough to like in any of these, in the first two films. And also, to say that the viewer likes Anakin is a bit of a stretch. He is clearly

presented as... Yeah, he's tough to like in any of these, in the first one even. A hobble by performance and writing. But he's positioned as the character we're supposed to like, right? I guess so. Dramatically, across these three films, he's positioned as the character whose journey we are

watching. Yeah, he's the protagonist, kind of. These movies are so funny. He's really the protagonist of the second film. Yeah, very much so. I think in this one, Obi-Wan is the protagonist. If Padme's the protagonist of the first film. You got like a triptych going on.

Yeah. Because this movie, once there's that big turn about halfway through that we're about to get to, it kind of gets delivered into the, you know, Obi-Wan becomes our hero. And it's a bad hero job. He's got to salvage what he can. It's just a weird fucking dramatic structure.

Yeah, well, it really does. Yeah. It feels like it's just the ends justify the means, but they don't, you know? It does. But see, there is this part of it to me that feels like a fucking Michelle Haneke film. It feels like he's trying to make us as uncomfortable as possible. Yeah, these films are just about entropy.

It's just like the inevitability of decay. Right. And then video game fights. And then just flubber in between. Then just flubber. So. Okay. I'm just going gonna briefly take us through

anakin let's just do it i'm gonna sign this movie all right so anakin returns home with the clone wars winding down padme is pregnant he starts having dreams of her in pain perhaps dying yep you're right yeah classic shmi style yes um the jedis finally suspicious of Palpatine decide to put Anakin their most volatile Jedi in charge of watching over him basically as a double agent. I gotta pause

again. David I don't even think it's as much that the Jedi's don't have deductive reasoning. I just think the Jedi's don't fucking pay attention because if there's one thing they should have learned by now it's don't send Anakin alone on a mission. Yeah, don't send him on any missions. It's exactly true. He's terrible at missions.

But, like, they antagonize him so many times in this movie. Oh, there's this whole fucking plot development where they... Palpatine requests that he be on the Jedi Council as his personal representative. Right. that he be on the Jedi Council as his personal representative. They agree to this for some reason, but won't grant him the rank of Jedi Master as some sort of weird like, fuck you, you know, hey, we've still got some power

because he's too young, I guess. But that makes almost no sense. It makes no sense at all because they want him to be a double agent. Even within crazy space world logic, it makes no sense. At the same time, they're saying to Anakin, keep an eye on Palpatine. He's real suspicious. We don't know what he's up to.

Anyway, we're not granting you any titles and you better watch yourself. It's like allowing someone a vote in the House of Representatives but not giving them any office. You know? Yeah, exactly. And then at the same time asking them to conduct a secret envoy to the Soviet Union. Right. Okay. So both sides are going like,

we're a little worried about, can you look on the other side and tell us what's going on? Yeah, Palpatine's asking Anakin to play double agent, you know, or triple agent with the Jedi's as well. Anakin, who from the beginning they always said this dude can't control his emotions. Unstable, too old when he was

recruited, not in control of his emotions. Let's put him in the middle of a tug of war. He's having these dreams. He's worried about his wife. Yeah. And totally randomly in an opera house one night. Maybe my favorite scene on the movie. Certainly the best scene in the movie, but that is not even a bar.

The bar is buried in the ground. Can we just point out two things that are great in this scene? No, because we can get to that later with Palpatine I just want to say the opera is cool it's a cool space opera we'll talk about it later Palpatine mentions like you know the dark lords of the Sith kind of know how to bring people back

from the dead or at least one of them did we'll talk about that more in another episode armed with this measly piece of gossip. Hearsay. Hearsay. Yeah. Anakin

I guess deduces that he's a Sith Lord? He doesn't cross-reference this with anybody. No, he doesn't talk to anyone else. We know they have a library. Well, but in his defense, Jocasta News is playing fast and loose,

deleting files, right? It's just real pain in the ass. But he does trust Obi-Wan. That's true. And at this point, Palpatine has not tried to instill doubt in him. Not really. Yeah. So he just kind of like

would trust Obi-Wan at this point. And Palpatine would tell him this thing. Look, Obi... No, no, I know. Obi-Wan's basically saying, I mean, sorry, Palpatine's basically saying, like, I know you're a Jedi, but you're worried about your wife and unfortunately the dark side

is the only part of the force that can do the kind of shit we're talking about. Okay, so even if he's conflicted enough and he's still trying to figure out the lay of the land and he doesn't want to rat out Palpatine, I do think he would turn to somebody. A Kenobi, a Yoda, a Windu, a Clune even. A Poof.

He doesn't. A Mundi. He doesn't. A Galia. Now, but then he does figure out that Palpatine is a Sith Lord. How does he figure it out exactly? So the point is, I think he would turn to them and just go, hey, have you heard anything about anyone being able to prevent death?

He doesn't do this. He just goes, huh, interesting. Huh, Darth Plagueis, you say, anyway. Right. Still having these dreams. Then there's a, I don't remember why he's there, but there's a scene where he goes to Palpatine's office. Yep.

You probably just watched this movie and you're trying to remember exactly how it is he figures out Palpatine is a Sith Lord. I rewatched I saw The Jerk last night, again, for the umpteenth time as well. Sure. One of my favorite movies ever.

And there is, at the end of The Jerk, spoiler alert, the movie's him narrating as a homeless bum his fall from grace. At the end of the movie, he's like, well, so that's my story. Then a car pulls up and they go, have any of you ever heard of Navin Johnson? He's like, I have.

They get out and it's his family. They're like, Navin, we struck rich. We've been looking for you. He goes, how do you know where to find me? They go, we struck rich. We've been looking for you. And he goes, how do you know where to find me? And they go, we didn't. This was just the first place we looked. Which is one of my favorite jokes ever.

Right. I remember that. That is very funny. He's on a random street corner. There's no way they would have found him. And they're like, we literally just got in a car. We pulled over.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We yelled out, does anyone know Navin Johnson? And this was the first place. Uh-huh. All three Phantom Menace movies operate with this kind of logic. Yeah, they really do.

Things happen without anyone, any other option. Like, really rapidly. People just show up at a place either because something great's going to happen or something terrible's going to happen. At the very moment that they show up there. And it's often unclear why they went there. So Anakin, I guess, Palpatine reveals that he's a Sith Lord. We'll re-watch this scene in the fucking Palpatine episode

and we'll cover it. We already forget because it's the least sticky movie in the world. Anakin, finally to his credit, goes to Mace Windu and says, I think he's a Sith Lord. Mace Windu rolls up with a couple other Jedis,

I think four total, to arrest him. I think a Fisto. Yeah, a Fisto and a couple, I mean, real nobodies. Yeah. Palpatine kills them all except for Windu. But Windu almost has Palpatine pinned and then Anakin intervenes.

He arrives later. So it looks like Windu's kind of, you know, going to kill Palpatine without arresting him, without a trial. Yeah, I mean, we don't want to talk about the Palpatine stuff too much. No, but this is Anakin shit. I know, I know. The decision to cut off Mace Windu's hand. Let's just say, Palpatine just keeps on buttering him, right?

Over and over again. Not just with the death thing, but saying like, you don't understand. They're like not telling you the whole story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? Right. He's like essentially like- He's tempting him with power, with sort of vague promises of power.

It's the plot of Limitless. Like he's going like, you're using 10% of your force. Right. Imagine if you could use 100. Got you, got you. You know, he's teasing Anakin with the promise of maybe being a Lucy. At the same time, this scene... Thank you for laughing at that.

I liked Lucy. Lucy rules. It's a great movie. It's the anti-revenge of the Sith. This scene where Windu is subduing Palpatine. Yeah. And is like, we have to kill him. He's just too dangerous. Yeah.

Anakin literally just found out this guy's a Sith Lord. But he decides to side with him on the vague promise. I think he says repeatedly, like, I need him. I need him. I need this power. I need this power to save my wife. And like, Windu's like, what are you talking about? Yeah, and Windu is like, excuse me, I'm very busy dealing with a guy who's shooting lightning at me. A, what what are you talking window is like excuse me i'm very busy dealing

with a guy who's shooting lightning at me hey what power are you talking of b what threat is your wife under c you have a wife what what is what is anything you're talking about d where'd my hand go e what's all this lightning frying me and f i'm dead this this movie's so hard it's so dense and it's so simple at the same time. But, like, fucking Windu. We really have to focus on this because it is the only moment. After this, Anakin's evil. Right. But Windu shows up essentially functioning as a cop.

Yeah. Let's say this, right? It's over. We're arresting you. Right. Which, I mean, why haven't the Jedi's been doing this at any other point in the film? You know? Like, Trade Federation's, you know, at a standstill, they go, oh, well, diplomatic negotiations.

You know? Aggressive negotiations. The Sith are here. Apparently they have the authority to just come in and be like- Jedi versus Sith. I think that's what their basis is, basically. Yeah. So they can arrest Sith.

They're like, you're a Sith Lord. Yeah. And he's like, Sith Lord, me. Check out this lightsaber. Stab, stab, stab. He is a Sith like, you're a Sith Lord. And he's like, Sith Lord, me? Check out this lightsaber. Stab, stab, stab. He is a Sith Lord. He's a Sith Lord. A real big Sith Lord.

Shoots the laser, lightning powers. And Windu reflects it from his blade. Yeah, scars him or reveals previous scarring. He turns into Mumbles from Dick Tracing. He does. He does. He does. He's got a cottage cheese head now. We're going to talk about it.

It's crazy. That's a whole other episode. That's next week or something. We really got to get to Palpatine because he's so crazy. And with this. Anakin aids and abeds in the murder of three or four of his good friends. And 20 minutes earlier, he had literally called the cops on this guy. Yeah.

And then the guy's like, yo, thanks for helping me murder those fools. Those cops you called. I dub thee Lord Darth Vader. We gotta harp on this other scene a little more. Which scene? The scene where he wants to call the cops on him. Because he goes to Palpatine's office.

Palpatine sort of starts really tipping his hand to the idea that he's a sith lord being like uh do those powers exist not for a jedi right in the opera scene and now in this next scene he's going you know i used to think the powers this and that he's realizing and he's saying like together we could figure this out right yeah but he didn't even know up until this point that palpatine had any powers sure he's a politician he's a. Yeah, he's an old man. Who then became a chancellor. Yeah. Right?

Now he's finding out, like, wait, fucker's got a lightsaber? Fucker's got the force? A red lightsaber. Fucker can feel what I'm thinking and feeling? Sure. Right? Yeah. And shoot lightning.

Anakin has a really bad reaction to this. He's like, fuck this, I don't like what's going on here. It's a bad scene. Anakin almost acts the way the good kid acts in an anti-drug PSA. They were like, you want to smoke pot? He's like, I don't like it. I gotta go.

He essentially says that. I'm calling the cops. Palpatine's like, chill. Wait, wait, wait. Just chill. Anakin's like, no, no, no. I'm calling the cops. And Palpatine's like, chill. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Just chill. Anakin's like, no, no, no. I'm calling the cops.

He's like, just sit on it for a little bit. Anakin goes to the Jedi's, lets them know. They come to arrest him. Anakin's like, no, you know what? Fuck it. I'll let these guys down. Having arrived midway for some reason. Right.

For reasons that are, I think, explained in the plot. He goes to 7-Eleven. Now Anakin's the worst person in the world. Not only that, he is immediately, Palpatine's like, rise Lord Vader. He has a name in his pocket. Darth Vader. Can we say it though? Great name. Cool fucking name.

We gotta say this. Look, I'll say this. Cool fucking name. All the Darth names are good. This is the best one. Darth Sidious, good. Darth Maul, great. Darth Tyrannus, I wish they'd said it out loud more, but pretty cool.

Darth Vader. This guy, I mean, there's a weight to that. Do you know what I'm saying? The only problem I have with it is literally that he's just like, yeah, yeah, you know what, Vader. Like, he just has it ready. Yeah. But it's a great name.

It is the best name. It's a cool name. And he's like, a great name. It is the best name. It's a cool name. And he's like, all right, so welcome to the dark side. As your initiation, do please go to the Jedi Temple and slaughter every child in it. Yeah. And literally, I'm not joking, that's how quickly that is. Right, Ben? Yeah.

It's not like, okay, so you can go to my dry cleaners and get my Sith robes. Yeah, no. He doesn't build. He's just like, you know how there are all these adorable children that we've seen last movie and this movie who run around the Jedi Temple being little tykes? I didn't kill them all. Please slaughter them. Now, I think they missed out on a great opportunity for a real funny scene,

which is having him chase the kids around because you don't get to see the murder. Yeah, a little Benny Hill music. Why not? Like the classic door, you know, hallway scene. I watched this movie as I mentioned last week. I watched this movie with my girlfriend and that scene where he shows up at the Jedi temple and he's like,

they're like, a kid's like, What's your matter, Mr. Master Anakin? Like the cutest little dweeb can you help us and he just goes like he like ignites his saber and no hesitation she just went like like it was the stupidest most horrifying like okay first of all rapid transition i am i'm so close to being on the verge of tears right now. Just in frustration over everything. And laughing at the Benny Hill imagery. And that was really funny. But no, but I don't want to keep harping on this

because I like subversive cinema. I'm not asking everything to be put in a box. I'm not saying you have to fucking save the cat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I like, especially within mainstream filmmaking, you know, populist filmmaking, even children's filmmaking. It's a twist shit.

I don't have a... No, the problem is that it's unearned. So you're like a six-year-old, right? Yeah, yeah. And you're fucking watching the Phantom Menace trilogy. Oh, here's a movie about a little boy. I'm six years old. He drives a race car. Well-developed critical facility, so I love it.

I love this little boy. Go on. Second movie. Ooh, love. I don't know what love is yet, so this film seems like an accurate representation of how adults relate to each other emotionally. I love this little boy. Go on. Second movie. Ooh, love. I don't know what love is yet, so this film seems like an accurate representation of how adults relate to each other emotionally. I'm in. And he's cutting robots.

Ooh, this series is fun. You're a kid. This movie's made for kids. These movies are made for kids. And then you watch the third movie, and it's like, ooh, Anakin's getting tempted by the bad guy. So this must be the setup so that at the end he can come back and find his way the good side oh now he's murdering kids who look

like me yeah little little little white babies oh so everything in the world is terrible I guess so this is something I see this is something I don't care about this I feel like this is more your thing than my thing I don't know if I care about it I'm just like astonished by it it's just unearned that's my problem with it

everything in this movie is unearned well that's fair but like the leap I mean the reason this seems to happen in the middle of the movie is that we need to definitively know that Anakin is beyond hope right yes that he does an act that is so reprehensible it's zero to a hundred it's exactly it's zero to eight hundred

yeah it's zero to yeah it's so stupid because and then you've got a whole movie left, like a whole hour plus. Yeah. This is the shortest of the three, though. It is. I mean, like I said, it's really just, it's, you know, that little movie and then you can kind of just wrap it up. It's just a lot of wrap up.

It's a lot of wrap up. But the wrap up is just conclusively telling us that this guy sucks and he's beyond saving. Yes, probably. Probably? What are you talking about? The movie fucking ends and he's the worst. No, I disagree with you. I don't think the movie ends and he's the worst.

Palpatine's the worst. The movie ends and you're like, wow, this guy got a raw deal. This guy's been fully corrupted. He got burned to a crisp. He got burned to a crisp. Okay. Anyway, so honestly, there's not much left to Anakin after he kills the kids.

He kills the kids. He starts just doing Palpatine shit. Because all the other Jedis. All the Jedis get wiped out. We'll get to that. By the way, shitty part of the deal, right? Palpatine's like, I want you to prove that you're a bad guy. Kill some Jedi. And he's like, okay, can I kill some of the adult Jedis that I don't know? Can I kill that guy who's really, they've always gotten on my nerves. The ones I don't know that well,

or the ones I've always had a problem with. The guy who got the last fucking bag of Rolls Golds from the vending machine. You know, whatever. And it's like, no, you have to kill the children. So what about the adults? He's like, I'll take care of all the adults. Which he does. And we'll get to that.

You just kill this one room of kids, but you gotta look them in the eye and fucking kill them. Yeah. On camera, too. Yeah. Ben? Now, doesn't he kill the children and then very shortly afterwards meets up with Padme

yep and basically gives her you know he kind of skirts over he's like some fucked up shit is happening the Jedi are trying to take over also I just killed he doesn't say that part a bunch of kids no he's like no but he does he does kind of say he's like Padme we can't trust the Jedi they've gone crazy yeah no that's say he's like, Padme, we can't trust the Jedi. They've gone crazy. Yeah, no,

that's what he's like. Look, Jedi tried to overthrow the government. They've gone berserk. So they need to be exterminated? Yeah, well, because he's kind of like, he's skirting around everything. She's like, I'm hearing the Jedi are getting wiped out. And he's like, yeah, I don't know what's happening. Crazy stuff.

Anyway, back to work. Well, he's definitely playing into the fact that she is part of the government. He's like, Padme, before we start this conversation, I want to establish that you are part of the government. You were for most of your life as someone who is 29 years old. For 27 of those years, you have been part of the government, right? And she's like, yeah. And he's like, cool. So just before we start this conversation, if I were to say that you are in support of the government, you would say yes, right?

And she's like, totally. And he's like, okay, Jedi hates the government, so fuck the Jedi, right? Like he's kind of manipulating her past. I guess so. And her allegiance. He really steamrolls her, but he also doesn't really win her over. He just kind of checks in with her, gets back on a ship, and then leads some more purges of Jedi with clone troopers. Which is not, you know,

the healthy and adult way to maintain a marriage. You know, that's not how you treat your spouse. With respect and appreciation. Do not take spousal advice from Star Wars Episode 3 Revenge of the Sith. No. A lot of mistakes made. Such as in a little bit of a later scene,

pretty much the next major anakin scene yeah he sent to this planet called uh mustafar yeah it's a lava a lava planet it looks like some sort of mining planet they mind i mind love yeah as joanna said what do they mind love it's the planet where they make lava um it's a lava you know i mean like super mario world they get the lava from there all that stuff so he goes there to wipe out the trade federation the rest of the separatists yeah yes which he does uh very quickly and then he just goes like oh i'm just gonna hang out here he chose out on lava if anyone wants to see me just come by the lava plane he sends out a text he's like i'm gonna be a lava plan for the next two three hours obi-wan shows up wants to come keep

me company padme shows up i should say in to come keep me company. Padme shows up, I should say, in her ship. Comes out and says, Anakin, a couple questions. A, were you responsible for the massacre of several dozen children? Because I'm hearing some bad stories about you. He's like, let's come back around to that one. Let's question number two. Pass. Yeah, right. Let's put a pin in that.

Question two. Question two, are you evil? Pass. Question three, oh wait, by the way, here's Obi-Wan, and Anakin's like, Obi-Wan? Not a question, not a question. Obi-Wan, you rode in a spaceship with Obi-Wan? Let me choke you to death with my force powers.

I did this all for you, now let me choke you. In one way, there is so little to talk about with this movie and another way we could analyze every single second for 500 it just makes no sense the dramatic you said this movie you were talking about it before right like the way that it just suddenly like makes a decision yeah the way he suddenly is like obi-wan's on the john the fucking spaceship with you obi-wan goes and warns we're doing this out of order this is our fucking well we're doing an anakin episode

yeah because obi-wan yeah he says to pat me like fyi i know you saw anakin earlier but he did kill a bunch of children sorry that his kid is yours i speak for myself i don't speak for you here my brain's having a hard time fucking wrapping my itself around this it all happened so fast yeah but we're not even getting the fact that the clone troopers just wipe out the jedi but that's another hour that's another episode it's crazy it's a horrible horrible it's a it's probably the greatest tragedy in the history of that galaxy right it's yeah yeah it is yeah it's the worst it's a space holocaust yeah of the most like powerful people in space and the most noble people yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah like that's another that's another episode there's another episode i could talk about that for for 40 billion years yeah yeah uh

obi-wan goes to visit padme says hey oh oh because there's this fucking scene there's the scene they what this is just necessary there's this is necessary in order to tell this story properly for the sake of this episode we're not gonna harp on it but they go to the fucking jedi council to change the signal so that no one the jedis don't go there they don't know if any other jedis are still alive right right right obi-wan and yoder the last two Jedis living right now. They go to the Jedi Council to turn off their home.

They get with Jimmy Smith. Jimmy Smith is like I'm with you. We got to fucking start an outlaw group. Me you and Obi-Wan. Right.

And they're like okay let's just go back to the Jedi Council. Turn off the lights. I just want to clean out my locker. Turn off the lights.

We're not supposed to harp on this. Come on. And put a note that says hey Jedis don't come back here. Right. When they're there they see all the dead children. Obi- not supposed to harp on this. Come on. And put a note that says, hey, Jedis, don't come back here. Right? When they're there, they see all the

dead children. Obi-Wan's response is like, oh my god, this is terrible. Like that level of emotion. Oh my god, dead children. This sucks. They're like, who did this? They go through the security camera footage. Clean, crisp video.

It's great. Of every important scene that has happened so far in the movie of Anakin killing the children of Palpatine dubbing him Lord Vader of the crawl they watch a hologram of the crawl they're like right that was what was happening

they actually watched the Clone Wars the Jenny Tartatofsky miniseries yeah yeah yeah once again they're borrowing from Spaceballs. Yeah. Stealing the idea that you could watch the movie as you're watching it. There's a merchandise spotlight on the hologram. Yeah, we're in the movie. They listen to this podcast on the hologram.

They listen to us right now fucking struggling to talk about this, okay? But so Obi-Wan knows conclusively. He goes, Anakin, how's that possible? As opposed to being like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Or being like, fucking Anakin. I knew it. Like the emotional response that anyone would have. Yeah, I know.

But that's the problem with the Jedis. They don't have normal emotional responses to anything. First rule of improv, as far as I'm concerned, is make strong emotional choices. I thought it was don't think. I think. That's the first rule of UCB. All right, anyway. But it's like make strong emotional choices. I thought it was don't think. I think. That's the first rule of UCB. All right, anyway. But it's like make strong emotional choices.

And it's like there are four or five different strong emotional ways that Obi-Wan could react to the news. Guys, this is an Anakin episode. Come on now. Get back to it. Obi-Wan goes to Padme, tells her what's up. She's like, I don't think so. Anakin, he's like, is that Anakin's baby? She's like, how do you know?

She's like, wait, what? What? Who? They get in a spaceship together. And he's like, she's like, presumably this happens after. She's like, let me just go out and talk to him. You stay in the ship. I'll talk to him.

I'm sure it's a whole big misunderstanding. Right. They're talking. He's not being violent, but he's just like, Padme, no. Jedi suck. And there's like 50 yards between them. Yeah, they're staying really far away. And she's kind of like, Padme, no. Jedi suck. And there's like 50 yards between them. Yeah, they're staying really far away. And she's kind of like, Padme, you gotta just join me.

And she's like, um, no, because you're overthrowing the government. Also, apparently he killed some children. He's like, so you're against me? She's like, no, no, Anakin, I love you, which is lunatic talk. I mean, she's speaking like an abused spouse right now. She should literally just get back in the ship and be like, shoot him with the lasers on the ship. Shoot him to death with the lasers. That is not the man I love. Yeah. I mean, she's speaking like an abused spouse right now. She should literally just get back in the ship and be like, shoot him with the lasers on the ship.

Shoot him to death with the lasers. That is not the man I love. Yeah. To which everyone would respond, we didn't know why you liked him in the first place. I mean,

the guy always sucked. He's shittier now. Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan. Dangling right there. That's a whole nother episode. I want to do... Fat tuba.

I'm going to write my fan fiction about Obi-Wan and Padme together because there's a couple scenes in this movie where it kind of feels like they'd be a good couple. Anyway, they're talking, Obi-Wan comes out. Like, didn't wait for his cue. I know.

Obi-Wan, I will admit, jumps the gun a slight bit. Bad timing. I know. At the worst possible time. You're dealing with a powder keg here. Anakin's like, wait, so you're against me? You're not on my side here? You're with him, not me?

And he shows up and he's like, Anakin, you, you know, again, watch the security footage. Yeah. I've watched George Lucas' Star Wars Episode III, Revenge of the Sith. Yeah, they had a Blu-ray copy of it. I know exactly what happened. You're in the raw. Yeah. Anakin, this isn't who you are.

Anakin's like, I hate the power. And Obi-Wan's like, fine, okay, this is what's fucking going on. Great, then I will show no restraint. Dramatically takes out his lightsaber. And then it's like a fucking boss level video game. They fight. I mean, so we've talked about, yeah, he chokes Padme half to death. Oh, right.

He gets so angry that he thinks Padme. At the woman he turned to the dark side to protect not an hour ago. He murdered children. Yes. So that his. Explicitly for the purpose. that he thinks had made. At the woman he turned to the dark side to protect not an hour ago. He murdered children so that his... Explicitly for the purpose of saving her life. And end the life of his onboard child.

Yeah. Right? Arguably, that's the key thing. Child Ren, by the way. We should add. We find out. He didn't know that. Don't jump the gun.

You're being a bit of an Obi-Wan on the ship right now. Okay? He likes kids so much, he thinks his kids are gonna die, and he's like, I'll kill as many kids as I need to to make sure my kids live.

Then he thinks, oh wait, you've been hanging out with Obi-Wan lately? Which is like, these are the things my 17-year-old sister calls me about. Oh, my friend sent an email, a mass email to everyone telling them that I suck because I talk to the boy that she likes. Like, that's essentially what Anakin's doing.

He gets so angry about this. Yeah. That if he started choking Obi-Wan, we'd be like, that's kind of in line with the way he's been acting for the last 40 minutes. For him to start choking Padme makes no sense. Chokes Padme out. And it's not like he has the moment where he's like what am I doing no no

he just she drops and he's like it's your fault Obi-Wan yeah fuck you they have a big lightsaber fight

and not to keep on harping on this thing but like the video game analogy I made last week you know how in a boss level it's like okay

here's the health meter of how much health the boss has yeah and then when the health meter goes down like a third of the way, then it goes to a short cut scene where like. You get a new stage of the boss. Right.

Yeah. And it's like, okay, you're still at the same level of health and you have to keep on going down. This is structured like that where it's like a third of the fight and then they're like, okay, now we're on a bridge. Yeah. They fight in like the meeting room. Anakin flubbers up to a bridge and then Obi-Wan has to chase him,

and then the fight now has a different fighting style. Then they have a bridge fight, and then they kind of fight, just sort of swinging at each other on this kind of telephone pole that's falling into the lava. Yeah. Then they fight on these two little lava cars that are perched on the lava with force fields. Like robot coasters.

That's the worst part. And then, and I really just want to talk about this now because it drives me so crazy. I just want to say one thing quickly. Okay. I understand that this fight is serious for the two of them and that when surrounded by lava there is an easy like sort of

checkmate move taking someone down which is like push you into the lava. But they keep on putting themselves into the most dangerous positions. Why wouldn't they be like, you know what, let's just go back to that platform we were on at the beginning. Yeah, that was actually the safest part. Solid ground, we'll fight, it's just about fucking lightsabers. And the lava will come around, it'll sort of crest

around us. Very exciting. Because right now, I might just slip. Yeah, seriously. I might just fall. Well, they had that moment where they kind of do like opposing force pushes, and they're sort of like. And then they both like go. Nope. Nope.

Nope. Let's go to a safer space. Anyway. It's equivalent of being in a bar and going like, okay, let's take this outside so we don't get blood in the bar. I should watch it again now to see. But maybe it's like each time one of them sort of jumps to the next spot in an effort to get an advantage, you know, and then it doesn't work.

No, it's because it's a video game. They're on the lava cars. They're on the lava.. They're on the lava coasters. Obi-Wan jumps off onto just the ground, onto the beachhead, basically. Yeah, but like really like the shore, like right. Like right on it. The lava waves are cresting. Yeah, right.

He's right there. They're crashing. They're lava sand dollars. He's three feet up the coast. Yeah. Three feet up on the ground. Right. And he says to Anakin, like sand dollars coming up. He's three feet up the coast. Yeah. Three feet up on the ground. Right. And he says to Anakin, like, it's over.

I have the high ground. Okay, now you want to harp on that. It's crazy. What is he talking about? This has never been mentioned before. They're magical wizards with swords. Yeah, anyone can do anything. Why doesn't Anakin just jump over, like, a little bit over there and then run at him?

Oh, you mean pull a flubber like he's been doing this whole fucking movie? He doesn't even need to pull a flubber. He's on a space coaster. He's on a lava coaster. Just drive it left. Yeah, just go, hey, can we go higher than him? Yeah. Actually, that would be funny was if he went on the lava coaster and then he was like, I have a higher ground. And Obi-Wan was like, harumph, harumph. I have a higher ground. And it was like just the two

of them trying to get higher than each other into space. Or Anakin goes down the coast, and Obi-Wan starts running, and he's like, no, no, no, no, no, I was talking about the high ground, high ground. Anyway, apparently, even though Anakin is the most powerful Jedi imaginable,

Obi-Wan has the high ground, and so Anakin's like, my powers are so great, and Obi-Wan's like, don't you do it, Anakin. Well, do you interpret him as that, or do you interpret it as like... I think Anakin says something along the lines of like, you don't even know how powerful i am now yeah because the high ground thing it's not like those are like the rules of dueling it's it's sort of him being like anakin you can't beat me from this standpoint right so just fucking give up which makes it

just makes no sense to me no i don't understand it but anakin tries to jump over obi-wan jump over him he has a sword. Not the way to do it. Obi-Wan literally just kind of goes like, just kind of swipes the sword overhead, chops off Anakin's legs. Why just jump in front of him? Just jump anywhere else.

Jump anywhere. Why over him? No, right. So he tries to jump on top of his head. And Obi-Wan... Obi-Wan swipes his legs off. Like a fly swatter. Cuts him clean off at the knees.

Anakin is left on the ground and he starts burning up because he's so close to the lava. Oh, oh no. No, no, no. Hold on. Hold on.

Go ahead. My friend refers it to like him he basically it's like a Monty Python as the Black Knight. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, because he's he's only got one limb

at this point. He's only got the left arm. Yeah, and he's still crawling towards him and he's like got the look of determination. Yeah, he's Because he's only got one limb at this point. He's only got the left arm. He's still crawling towards him, and he's like, got the look of determination. Yeah, he's like, I'm going to get you. Right. And Obi-Wan starts yelling. You were the chosen one, and you were supposed to bring balance to the force,

not end it. How could you do this? This is the most emotional scene I'd say in any of the three movies. It's well played by Ewan McGregor. I think it is a good scene in the back. It's a good speech yeah like he finally has something to sink his teeth into he's finally allowed to cut loose emotionally which he doesn't do after like you know served up a platter of dead children for this one scene they they trick you

into forgetting that they didn't earn this right they didn't do any of the scenes to build to this properly but the idea that obi-wan has invested this much time and energy into this child because he believed that he was going to become something. Yeah. Which it felt like was kind of dropped for like a movie and a half. Right. The Chosen One thing. That is what happens at the end of the first movie. That's why Obi-Wan takes him on.

Right. But then like they didn't really talk about the Chosen One shit. Because Qui-Gon believed in him. For like episode two. Yeah. And he's like really heartbroken by it. Yeah. And he's like, look.

I mean, look at you now. You're just a sad mess. I hate that I had to do this. And Anakin meanwhile is like, I hate you. He's burning up. His hair goes. I know. I hate you too.

We hate each other. It's clear. We just fought on lava. We don't like each other anymore. But Anakin won't let it. He's like, I hate you. And he's crawling. He's crawling with one arm. And now he's like, his skin is like, he's really pale.

And his eyes are glowing even more red. Oh, because for the last 40 minutes, his eyes have been getting red. Oh, yeah, his eyes start glowing evil. For no fucking reason. Yeah, they turn into cat eyes. Okay. So he's crawling very slowly. He's not making a lot of progress because he's got one robot arm.

He's got one human arm. I think the robot arm might be gone or something. Maybe it's not. It's just not working very well, I guess. He's still got this pump. It's crispy, whatever, right? It's crispy. And then, because the lava waves

are, like, crashing up on the shore, and he's still right on the shore, the waves crash, and, like, a piece of lava falls on his back, and his whole body catches in. Yeah, he just catches on fire. It's not just close to it. It's, like, you see visually defined

a blob of lava land on him. Up he goes, up in smoke. And now he's on fire and he's screaming. And he's still crawling. And Obi-Wan's like, dude, you're on fire. And apparently this is the scene that earned a PG-13 rating, by the way. It's that whole sequence. Not the scene where he murders children?

It's off screen. We forgot to mention. Robin Williams murders so many children in Flubber. It's just off screen, so it gets that G rating. That's true. And Jacob the Liar, so it gets that G rating. That's true. Yeah. And Jacob the Liar, too. I haven't seen Jacob the Liar.

He played Hitler in that, right? No. Terrible joke. No time for bits. No time for bits. All right, come on, come on. There's a scene that we breeze over that should be the most cathartic and exciting film across these three films.

Scene across these three. You said film across these three films. Scene across these three. You said film across these three. Go on. What's the scene? What should be the most exciting and cathartic scene across these three films is a non-entity. I don't know what scene you mean. Anakin killing the Neimoidians.

I know. Goes in their office, closes the door, they cut away. I know. You see him cut one of them. They cut back later. They cut back to it, right. That's right. And you mostly see him killing battle droids. Yeah, but Newt Gunray's still alive, and he's like begging for mercy

basically. And he sort of like scrapes his chest. Yeah, he kind of just sort of vaguely slices him down. In a movie where you saw Dooku's head fall off. I know. Where we're seeing droids get cut in half. Believe me. I want to see. I really agree with you. These are the guys I want to see cut up viscerally. Because they're responsible for everything bad in the first movie. Uh-huh.

In the second movie, he's really creepy and like really wants to see Padme alive. He's really a nasty piece of work in the second movie. In the third movie, it is so delicious that they finally think they've won. Yeah, they think they got it. And that Sidious is like, sure, sure, sure.

Know that lava planet that I hang out on sometimes? Just chill out in my meeting room there. I'm going to send my guy and he just chops them to pieces and we don't get to see it. It's really annoying. Yeah, I want fucking blood and guts. And aside from everything you just said about why they suck within the reality of this film, within the reality of our world, they're just fucking the worst ugly racist caricatures. And we want to see some course correction.

Some Coruscant correction. Fucking slice them up Coruscant correction. Does it's really Do you think they sell croissants on Coruscant? Of course they do.

Croissant, Coruscant, Coruscant, Coruscant. Yeah. The whole thing's a bummer. Let's not forget that once he's set on fire Obi-Wan's also kind of like alright I'm going.

He doesn't think to like maybe just sort of just double check that Anakin's dead. Well, okay, before we get to the end... Do you think he's like... He just doesn't have the heart to kill him? Is that maybe what it is? People don't do fucking due diligence in this movie. They really don't.

They don't think. They do not. They don't do research. They don't ask. They don't fucking... You know what? Maybe it's just that vengeance is not very Jedi, and so he's like, look, I've incapacitated you, so that's that.

He gets on the ship. He leaves. Padme delivers her babies. We'll talk about that another time. I'm not surprised that Obi-Wan doesn't kill Anakin. I'm surprised he doesn't, in this hobbled state, take him,

bring him back to be... Try to rescue him, try to rehab him. Or arrest him, or whatever the fuck it is. It's true, he just leaves him there. Just make sure, in some way or another,

you're on top of it. Alright, do you have a merchandise spotlight? I have a merchandise spotlight. Is it a burned up Anakin merchandise? Yeah, it's a burned up Anakin. I was gonna ask if there's a Youngling Massacre merchandise.

They made some of the kids. There's, you know that one scene where Bail Ariana, played by the great Jimmy Smits, goes to the... Yeah, yeah, and there's the kid who sort of valiantly fights off some clone troopers and then dies. And Jimmy Smits is like, no! Yeah, right.

So we've seen all these kids get killed. We think all of them are dead. Then Jimmy Smits gets there. He's trying to get out the fucking clone troopers are trying to shoot at him this little boy comes out protects him, dies in the process and it's like a weird scene

you're like why would they put this into the movie the kid's just doing crazy space karate that kid is played by George Lucas' son oh really? who is really into karate and so George wrote the scene to the movie so he could do his martial arts George Lucas' son. Oh, really? Who was really into karate. And so George wrote the scene to the movie so he could do his martial arts.

Although it's a little weird that George Lucas is like, you will have to die on screen. Yeah. But you die a martyr? You die with Smits going, no! Yeah, no one's happy about the fact that you're dying. No. Here's the crispy Anakin action figure.

Oh, this is terrible. He doesn't look crispy. He just kind of looks hairless. Yeah. And covered in mud. Yeah. He's got a robot arm. He looks like the I Am Legend robots.

I think the legs are removable. They're not robots in I Am Legend. The movie's not about robots? I gotta rewatch that movie. Oh, boy. I thought it was about robots this is terrible well okay it doesn't look like

Anakin's face no it doesn't here this is what it looks like that's terrifying yeah who does it look like it looks like this is

I mean this is what kid wants to play with this is a broken toy it's a broken toy to remind you of how everything

in the world is terrible and everyone you love will hurt you. And then we'll get hurt in the process. This is just a plastic representation of misery. Wow. But it comes with a cloak so you can turn him back into regular Anakin. Oh. You put the cloak on top of the thing.

That's weird. Yeah. Huh. Anyway, let's weird. Yeah. Huh. Anyway, let's just finish up. We're almost, we just got to wrap up the final thing that happens to Anakin. Because, wait, we really have to talk about it. Because this is kind of. It's both cool and also sort of just a bit of a flat, you know. From a filmmaking perspective, this is maybe the one scene I love.

But what about the... All right, well. Okay, so... Up until a certain point. Yeah. Okay. Anakin gets rescued by Palpatine. Palpatine just stops by once again.

Yeah, he hails a cab. Jerk style. Jerk style. How do you find me? First place I looked. I don't know. Shows up on the show. He sensed something.

He sensed something. The force. The force. It's always the answer. The force. I felt it in the force. He takes Anakin to his, I don't know, surgery room. He has a bunch of robots.

Some robots put robot stuff all over Anakin. He gets robot legs. He gets a robot like chest plate. He gets a robot helmet. Now here's what's interesting, okay? Like Grievous, you know, when we see him in close up and he's got the flesh,

the organic material around the eyes, it comes across like he was perhaps, if not a human, some type of organic being of some sort that over time was turned into a cyborg. And he looks like a rubbit. The rubbit overwhelms, right? Sure.

They're putting all these rubbit parts on Anakin. He just looks like a guy. But then they put a suit over it. Yeah. So you don't even know what this fucking thing is. They put this very retro suit on him.

Yeah. With like blinking beeps and boops lights on it. Yeah, it's almost like pleated leather. It's crazy. You know what I'm saying? It's a big daddy suit.

It's like a big daddy suit but it's like this big hulking suit. It's got these like robot overlays on the eyes. You know, it's got like a whole heads up display the eyes you know he's got like a

whole heads-up display well this is the sequence i like i think the construction of this is kind of terrifying in a successful way it's it's it's a creepy sequence and there's you know a really good series of shots in a row yeah where we see see from Anakin's, we see his burnt face and they're lowering the thing on it. And we see from his perspective, the mask coming down and the like RoboCop vision in the lenses and all of that. And then it comes on and there's this really cool shot that is just his head sideways.

Sure. Across the frame as the helmet comes on. And then you just hear the breathing. You hear this sort of deep robotic breathing. Yeah, we gotta describe this breathing. Which is eerie. It's like a very eerie, yeah. It's creepy.

It's cool. Like these movies have been doing so much overkill, you know, to get things across and it's like, oh, there's like, silence is powerful. Like just hearing someone breathe somehow is very unnerving. And it's like, this is a very different type of trick than we know from Georgie Florgie Lucas. It's crazy.

But it's effective. And this helmet, we gotta say, is a beaut. It's great. It's shiny. It's shiny, but it's also it is both, you know, it has a nose, it has eyes, it has cheekbones, it has a mouth-type feature, but it also looks very inhuman. You can't tell if it's a robot, you can't tell if it's an alien,

you can't tell if it's a person. can't tell if it's an alien you can't tell if it's a person it reminds one of like old like mask theater principles we're able to project so much onto it and it becomes so scary because it is both like very expressive and very featureless at the same time and this helmet comes down and the breathing starts

the design of this fucking thing they tilt the table up you see Darth Vader in full glory. And this guy looks fucking unbelievable. It's legitimately scary. The voice is fucking Academy Award nominee James Earl Jones. Yep. Is the voice.

The deep tones. The deep sonorous tones of James Earl Jones. He's an old man. It's kind of raspy. He's breathing. He's trying to calibrate the voice. Vasa himself. I mean, this is kind of raspy. He's kind of raspy. He's breathing his trot. He's like trying to calibrate the voice. Vasa himself. I mean, this is kind of great.

One of the best voice actors in history. Of all time. And it's weird because like you're saying, it is kind of Darth Vader in all his glory, but also it's like, this is actually kind of like Darth Vader all fucked up, right? Like this is sort of like the best they can do to salvage Darth Vader. That's what I like about it, actually. No, I like it too. What I like is that it's like this very depressing moment.

It's very scary. And then when the helmet comes on and the table tilts up, it's like, oh, he's officially gone. Like, that's the way the film's saying to you. Like, if you were looking at crispy Anakin for the rest of the movie, or if he was restored in a grievous style, you know, where it was still parts of it or whatever, you'd be like, okay, that doesn't look like a little boy Anakin

because it was a different fucking actor. And it doesn't look like a hidden Christensen because he's got a lot of makeup on it's still like humanoid you look at darth vader and it's like that's just a mystery yeah this is totally emotionally removed from what we saw the evil of the dark side of the force has corrupt him so thoroughly there's no semblance of that man left in whatever this thing is yeah and now we have, we have James Earl Jones, a master actor, delivering dialogue instead of Hayden Christensen. We've traded up.

Ooh, boy, this is exciting. Guess what? There's three minutes left in the movie. I know. And he has two lines. And it's basically like, where's Padme?

And Palpatine's like, unfortunately, she died. And he's like, but, you know, what? He falls to his knees and he screams no. No, he pulls himself out of the surgery chair

he forces the whole room everything starts shaking and jizzing around and then he goes yeah it is jizzing around you're right cum is propelling the objects around the room and like palpatine's just like you know and he's like he loves it yeah he's happy i guess he's upset he likes chaos and then he's like no which i Which I remember at the time everyone was really worked up about how bad it is. He's going to use that anger. It's very cheesy. He's going to use Darth Vader's anger as his weapon. The scene was really kind of perfect up until that point, I would argue.

If not perfect, very, very much better than everything else. Very effective. And actually- And also you're like, I want to see this guy do stuff. Who's this robot guy? It evokes emotional responses, you know? You're afraid. It's a suit he's wearing.

You're sad. It's not CGI. Yeah. Oh, it's very practical. The helmet too. The helmet is on the head. Yeah. Because, it's very practical. The helmet too. The helmet is on the head. Yeah. Because last week I ran the helmet. Did you know that Hayden Christensen almost

didn't and then insisted that he wanted to. But they put him in the suit. They put lifts on it so he's bigger than usually is. Yeah. He's like, hey, no. Like they were just, I guess, going to put a stunt guy in the suit or something. Yeah. And he was like, I need to be in the fucking suit. Yeah. So the design was like, this is the best looking thing in all three of these movies

and then it's like okay well now uh directed by george lucas yeah i mean we'll talk about the other stuff at another point in time but so how did we get here this is the anakin episode but we don't know why this happens no it's like the whole movies are now revealed to be this ultimate tragedy of one man, right? It's like you have this person like prophesize to change the force, prophesize the future of the Jedi's and it turns out to be their worst nightmare. Yes. He brings

about their very end. Although it's really Palpatine who does most of it. Yeah, and it's also so muddled. It's like, in a way they're sort of trying to say that, like, you know, by putting the pressure on him of having to restore the balance that maybe that made him crack, but they don't do the work to make that pay off. corrupted him and evil could corrupt anyone all of us are corruptible are they trying to say that he was destined to fall are they trying to say

that he just had the bad luck of being in Palpatine's way there's a real hint of destiny to it don't you think yeah I mean there's another angle I want to get out in the Palpatine episode talk about but there is kind of a hint of like even if the Jedi had played their cards right which

they don't. Yeah. That all of this and like we talked about in the Phantom Menace that all of this was kind of coming to an end. That like there's opulence you know there's

rules of the game. Yeah you know exactly the red tape Le Rue de la Jeu Le Rue de la Jeu I recently rewatched that film. It's a great film. Yeah.

It's a great film. It's an anti-Revenge of the Sith. But it's very similar to Revenge of the Sith or some parts of the Phantom Menace and Tactical Cl great film it's an anti-Revenge of the Sith but it's very similar to Revenge of the Sith or some parts of Phantom Menace and Tactical Clones and it's about these rich fools kind of ignoring like society crumbling around them

dealing with petty like domestic dramas focused on while the world around them crumbles he needed three movies to do that to trick us into thinking we were going to watch someone save the world and just watch them die? And not only that, he needed three movies to finally maybe get a good character out of Anakin Skywalker and give him to us for two minutes. Yeah.

Maybe there's another Star Wars movie. There's not another Star Wars movie. Stop talking like an idiot. But you do, I mean, look, we do know that Disney bought Lucasfilm. Yeah, maybe it's the Darth Vader story. I think they primarily want to keep making Indiana Jones movies because that's a successful franchise. This was a very successful franchise. Yeah.

This movie made a billion dollars at the box office. I mean, maybe they'll reboot Star Wars. We can only hope there'll be an episode four someday. But, you know, you do have that thing. We've seen a lot of movies in which someone good wrestles with evil before finally finding their way again right sure and we've seen some movies where people you know have a tragic turn like this one right yeah i'd say more often especially in in big budget mainstream populist let's say kids skewingkewing entertainment like this.

Although this barely qualifies as a kid's movie. I think he thinks he's making a kid's film, but barely, right? More often we have someone who is evil, and we learn then of the tragedy of how they got that way. That they were once good. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. We rarely have to watch someone become evil. And if we do, it's on the sidelines of a film. of how they got that way. That they were once good. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah.

We rarely have to watch someone become evil and if we do it's on the sidelines of a film. It's that character now becomes the villain in relation to our hero. Sure.

This movie is just like just fucking watch everything crumble. Watch everything just fall apart. Just watch your heart break. And it might work if it

if it progressed logically. If you had an emotional investment in it then maybe it would be so tragic that it would be like Room, that it would be a tough experience, but one worth watching. Room has a happy ending.

Yeah. I just feel gross watching this movie. And not just because it's bad, but it feels very cynical to me. And it's... I know. I know. I know.

It does feel cynical. It feels une it's. I know, I know, I know. It does feel cynical. It feels unearned. It's very misanthropic. It's very, it's just very anti-Jedi. Maybe he just hates the Jedi. This is what, this was his dream project. He got to make three movies exactly the way he wanted to. And this is what he wanted to say.

Look, he made this epic tragedy. That's what it is. But the first two parts aren't a tragedy. The first part has Jar Jar Binks in it. That's my problem with the idea of this being an epic tragedy. You don't think Jar Jar Binks is a tragic character? I mean, he's tragic in different ways. I agree with you. There's so much more to discuss because we gotta talk

about the Palpatine side of this. We gotta talk about the Jedi side of this. Yeah, and we have to talk about... Yeah, there's stuff to talk about. Look, I know this was a bummer episode. They're all bummers. It's a bummer movie. Yeah. No, but this was not our funniest episode. Oh.

But this is not the funniest Phantom Menace movie. Uh-oh. Devoid of comedy. And look, we had to go through the trenches today. We had to dig through the dirt and just talk about this weird fucking turn. Yep. The main arc of this film which is tragedy. It's just everything sucks. Everything's terrible.

Everyone's the worst. Have you seen any good movies recently? I just want to end on an up. Yeah. Sicario is pretty good. I need to see Sicario. I didn't love it but I thought it was pretty good. I like Dennis Villeneuve a lot. Okay. It's maybe my least favorite of his films but I think he's a really strong filmmaker. Alright well that's not what I was looking for. Come on. Did you see Hotel favorite of his films, but I think he's a really strong filmmaker.

That's not what I was looking for. Come on. Did you see Hotel Transylvania 2 yet? I think I'm going to see it tonight. I'm very excited. I've heard the diminishing returns, but also from a lot of people who didn't like the first one as much as I did, and those people are wrong. I got invited to a screening last weekend, but I slept through it. It was early in the morning, and I don't like mornings.

You guys see Hotel Transylvania 2? And those movies are about people who seem to be good, bad, but are actually good. That's the world I want to live in. People think they're spooky monsters, and they turn out to be nice people who have love in their hearts. Like Ben is a spooky monster. When I saw him, when I saw Ben for the first time, I went, oh, spooky. Oh, spooky. Yeah, you sang the monster mash. Ben was singing. Okay, let's just admit, the first time I met Ben oh! Spooky. Oh, spooky. You sang the Monster Mash.

Let's just admit, the first time I met Ben, he was singing the Monster Mash in a haunted house. Yeah, that's true. And he was covered in blood. This is true. And I thought you were spooky. And then I came to realize you had the biggest heart of them all. That's true. That's not true. Ben has the biggest heart of them all.

Good old Ben. He hated this movie. How'd you feel about this movie, Ben? It was terrible. It's the worst, right? It was such a terrible experience. Called it. I really want to defend it. Yeah, no.

There's no way to. There's no defending this one. The dactyl scene. We'll talk about the dactyl scene. Okay. Yeah, we got to talk about General Grievous with his lightsabers. We'll talk about all this. Oh.

Okay, Ben, final thoughts. You hate this movie. Yeah, I hate this movie. And you're hungover. I'm hungover and fuck George Lucas, man. Yeah, fuck George Lucas. Final thoughts. Fuck George Lucas.

Yeah, fuck George Lucas. We'll see you guys next week. We'll be more fun next week. Next week will be fun. We'll have a great guest. We got this out of the way. We ripped off the band-aid as we said we were going to. Fuck George Lucas.

And as always, fuck George Lucas.