Blank Check with Griffin & David - The Happening

Episode Date: March 14, 2016

This week, Griffin and David discuss M. Night’s first ever R rated film, 2008’s The Happening. But is wind scary? Are any of the actors convincing they haven’t completely checked out? Why am I talking to a plastic plant? Together, #TheTwoFriends examine 9/11 imagery, why Kung Fu Panda is a better movie, impressions of nerds, and why Shyamalan calling this the “best B-movie you will ever see” is preposterous. Plus, the Departed sequel scoops and not seeing Hamilton.

We've sensed it. We've seen the signs. Now it's podcasting. Ooh. Ugh. Okay, now there are two things. It's from the poster. Right, there are two things to scoff at there.

The awful, like, shoehorned wordplay. Right, I did a bad job. But you know who did an even worse job? Whoever wrote the tagline for that movie. We sensed it. Yeah, we get it. The guy made the fucking six cents. We've seen the signs. Yeah, we get it. The guy made the fucking six cents. We've seen the signs.

Yeah, we get it. The guy made the fucking signs. I don't think everybody gets it. Especially when they sensed it. It's a little muddled. He's also, as always, right above the title

from writer-director M. Night Shyamalan. I'm David Sims. I'm Griffin Newman. Welcome to Blank Check Podcast Pod Night Welcome to Blank Check Podcast. Pod Night.

Welcome to Blank Check Podcast. Welcome to the Blank Check Podcast presents Pod Night Shamacast. Yes, welcome. This is a podcast. We talk about M. Night Shyamalan right now. Other times we talk about other goofballs. Right now we're talking about M. Night Shyamalan. We like directors.

Yes, we like directors. And we're talking about M. Night Shyamalan. We like directors. Yes, we like directors and we're talking about M. Night and we're on to his eighth movie. This is his eighth film. He's given a blank check. He can keep making whatever he wants. Who else is in the studio

with us today? Well, of course, our trusty producer, a.k.a. our producer, the Ben-do-cer. Yeah. Hey, guys. Ben Hosley,

the Haas Poet Laureate, the Tiebreaker, Birthday Benny, Mr. Positive. He is not Professor Crispy. No. No. He is the peeper. Yeah. Of course. Boy, is he. I mean, he's nothing if not the peeper.

He has been known by Kylo Ben. He has gone by Producer Ben Kenobi. And if you see him on the street, greet him a hearty hello fennel. At least do. Alright. And in this studio as well is nobody else. Nobody else. So, here's the first piece of housekeeping. I last week promised James Urbaniak,

the great actor, beloved figure of the indie film world. Yeah. You rashly said, like, it's probably fine. You don't need to cut that out. I talked to him earlier. I did not cut it out by the way. I know. I listened. He is a buddy of mine. Earlier in the season

I've been like, we're doing this. He was going to be in New York filming season two of Difficult People for like months, for like two months. Yeah, no beef James. James was here. James killed it. He was ready. Yeah. And I was like great. Would you want to do any of these movies? And he went, I find the happening interesting. And I went great. Let's Would you want to do any of these movies? And he went, I find The Happening interesting. And I went, great.

Let's lock it in. I'll text you again in a couple weeks. Right. And then I texted him the day after we recorded our episode, and I was like, we're ready for The Happening. And he was like, I flew back to LA yesterday. Bye, James. So should have recorded that one in advance.

That one was on me. Boing. Hoisted by my own P-Tard. All right. Well, doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. We don't really care. This is uh to to I mean obviously I'd love to see have James on the podcast but it'll be alright. I will promise that. Yeah we'll have him on. Because nothing wrong has come

me making James Urbaniak promises on this podcast. We will have him on in the future. But today it's just a solo. It's a solo. And by solo three people in the studio. That's what we mean. It's a three way. It's a triangle. It's a solo And by solo Three people in the studio That's what we mean It's a three way It's a triangle It's a podcast triangle It's like the old days

Yeah Feels good Yeah I was kind of I was looking for A little bit of the old days guys I gotta be honest I've had a stressful Couple of weeks

And this is like The first day I've had a clear conscious For a while It's a nice relaxed day So it's like a nice calm Like you know My life's together.

I just get to be in the room with the two friends and then our producer. We are the two friends. Yes. And he is our friend, but he is not the two friends. No, no. A member of the two friends. I mean, Ben's a great friend of ours, but he's not one of the two friends. Let's just, you know, create a clear Rio Grande line here.

And I'm okay with that. Yeah, that's fine. But Ben, Ben, I'm going to give you a spotlight here because I don't know about David. I don't have any updates, but you might have something to report in a new segment we like to call Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do We're just doing this now, I guess.

The burger report. I'm trying to think if I've eaten... I did eat a burger with past guest Sonia Soraya. Hey, that counts. So we had a burger. I had a burger at Mayfield. She didn't have a burger. She had a different item of food.

But I had a burger. It was brunch. I mean, it sounds- Oh, you're saying this doesn't qualify? Well, I believe the parameters of the burger report are telling stories about watching a celebrity. Oh, that I saw somebody eat a burger. You have to watch a celebrity eat a burger.

Now, I would count Sonia as a celebrity, but if she wasn't eating a burger, it sounds like you're reporting on... She was eating a bagel. Blank check host David Sims eating a burger. Now, if we went to get burgers together, we could report on each other. Okay, sure. I think that falls under the rules. Yeah, no, that's fair.

I'm trying to think if... I don't think there's been any other burgers, so... I don't think I ate a burger this week I gotta go back to a burger restaurant Now Ben of course used to work at the old homestead Yeah do you have an old burger story for us Ben? Yeah They're all brothers in Kings of Leon

Or it's like three brothers and a cousin Those bearded folk I don't remember which one it is It's the good looking one But they're also all kind of good looking, so it's hard to actually know. My high school girlfriend had a big crush on that guy. That's how long they've been around for. They've been around.

I don't recall. Let's just say it was Caleb. I think Caleb is the number one. He's the front man. You saw him? He came in with his supermodel girlfriend. Into the spotted pig? I believe he's married to her now. Oh, okay. So this would be Caleb. This was a little while back. spotted pig. I believe he's married to her now. Oh, okay. So this would be Caleb, yeah. This was, yeah, a little while back.

Lily Aldridge is who he's married to. Yes, yes. She was, they're really lovely, gorgeous people. They came in for brunch, and they were so nice and chatted me up and were asking me all kinds of questions about comedy and stuff. Oh, my God.

And I was early on into me working there, and I was actually like- You were like, is this what all celebrities are like? Kind of. It was like my first VIP where they were like super chill and made eye contact with me and asked me questions and remembered my name. So they were lovely people. I love the burger report. Look at these nice things that come out of the burger report.

Well, I haven't eaten any burgers this week. I make a solemn vow to our listeners that I will start eating as many burgers as I can on a week-per-week basis to, you know, just increase my likelihood of seeing a celeb, a famo. And I guess we should even put it out to our listeners. If you guys have burger reports, please send them in. What is it, a 555 Burger? 555 Burger, which is Ben's cell phone number. That's our 24-hour hotline. It's just completely coincidental that his cell phone number has always been 555 Burger. That's why they hired him at the old homestead.

They were like, this guy lives and breathes burgers. Oh, boy. Yeah, so if you are a past guest of Blank Check, a listener, a blankie, a hoss hog. Tweet at Blank Check Pod. A David Dogg, a griff head. David Dogg? Anyway. That's what on iTunes, four different people in reviews have identified as David Dogs.

All right. All right. I love them. My David Dogs. David Dogs, Hoss Hogs, Blankies, and Griff Heads. Blank Check Pod. Yeah. Tweet at us.

Blank Check Pod at gmail.com. Yep. Is it pod or podcast? Oh, the email address? I believe it's Blank Check Podcast at gmail.com. At gmail.com. At gmail.com. At example.com. We're email at gmail.com. At email.com. At example.com. We're email at gmail.com.

We're AOL at yahoo.com. Great. Yes. Blankcheckpodcast at gmail.com or tweet at us. You can tweet at any three of us individually. If you got a burger report, let us know and we'll read them off. This is a Democratic segment, the burger report. There's a movie we have to talk about today.

Okay. This is happening. Gentlemen, we're talking about The Burger Report. There's a movie we have to talk about today. Okay. This is happening. Gentlemen, we're talking about The Happening. It's the eighth film by M. Night Shyamalan. His first film at 20th Century Fox. So just to recount, Praying with Anger, his student film. He makes Wide Awake for Miramax, which is a subsidiary of Disney. Yes, at the time?

Yes. Okay. He goes up to Touchstone. He makes four consecutive Touchstone pictures, the sixth sense. Unbreakable signs the village. The village, the village. Nina Jacobson goes,

hey, M. Night, I don't get this new script you sent me. He goes, fuck you. Yeah, two fingers to the air. Runs away to Warner Brothers, makes the lady in the water. Warner Brothers was like, hey, in retrospect, we don't really get this script he wrote. He ships his new script around. It's a hot item.

Yeah, I believe it was called The Green Effect when he wrote this script. A spec script. He shopped it around. He didn't get any offer he was interested in, so he rewrote it and took it around again. I don't know if you knew that. I did know that. And what I find interesting is, I'm trying to remember what site it was. It might have been Ain't It Cool at the time.

I remember reading a review from someone who had read The Green Effect and said, like, this script just got passed by all the major studios. I think it's great. I don't know what they're doing. Sure. And then six months later, it was like, new draft, new pass, new title, Fox picked it up. And that movie was not great. Yeah. But do we know? I mean, I don't know. I don't know. Script reviews. Come on. I don't know. But I remember reading his description of the green effect and going, oh, that's a cool idea for a movie, which if you hear it in the abstract,

you go, that's a cool idea for a movie. Let's get out with it. The idea for this movie is the plants are making people kill themselves uh yeah i mean but one other thing we should mention yes this movie was produced by fox but half of its budget was funded by an indian film company called utv and they handled overseas so i think fox took it at like pretty limited financial risk do you have the budget of this film? $48 million. Okay, pretty trim for M. Night. For M. Night, pretty trim, although not a lot happens in this movie. No.

What I'm saying, not a lot happens in Lady in the Water. Don't even really need sets. But Lady in the Water, he built the apartment complex. No, I understand that Lady in the Water, maybe he could have cut some costs. I get it. I know what you're saying. He is scaling back a little.

And Wahlberg is big, not as big as he is today. Maybe not a $20 million guy, but probably was at least a 10. A 10 guy at this point in time. I don't know. Where's Wahlberg at? He's pretty famous. Post-Oscar nomination. He gets nominated in 2006, and this is 2008.

It's a post-Oscar nomination. This is hot off of his departed Best Supporting Actor nomination. Yeah, I'm trying to think of what else he had done right around that time. Shooter, I think, was the first film released after the Oscar nomination. Yeah, I saw Shooter in theaters. Shooter's one of the worst films of the last 10 years. Being made into a television series now.

Very strange. Have you seen Shooter? No, but the people demand it. There's a scene where Danny Glover and I believe... Ned Beatty? I forget who the other villain is. I believe Ned Beatty's in it. Yeah, Danny Glover and Ned Beatty just have drinks around a fire.

They're the villains. They're toasting their successful evil enterprise, and they're like, that happens in that movie. Kate Mara. Then they all get shot with guns. Kate Mara plays his girlfriend in that, and I believe just a year or two earlier,

she played Heath Ledger's daughter. She was one year ago. She had been in Heath Ledger's Daughter and Brokeback Mountain. Yeah. But remember old Heath Ledger. Remember. I know. He's dead by the time she shows up. Do you know how old Kate Mara was when they filmed Shooter?

I don't know. 22. Yeah, I believe so. And Mark Wahlberg was late 30s. I did not win the Hamilton lottery. FYI. Oh, you just checked.? Bam. Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry. Did I tell you my Hamilton story? That you bought tickets for your

whole family but forgot to buy one for yourself? On my birthday. You're like, why did you do that? Are you a fucking idiot? I could tell you you have five people in your family. Well, no. You're framing the story in a way that makes me look stupid rather than unlucky. Okay. Are you unlucky?

I thought I had five tickets and end up only being four. I thought I was going to have four seats and one standing room ticket, but it was two separate requests. I see. So you were calling in a favor to get these tickets. Called in a big favor. Who did you call in? I have my castmate on the television series

Vinyl. Oh, I know. Sykes is on the ensemble of Hamilton. That is pretty cool. It's very cool. He's a great guy. Can he get me a ticket? Absolutely not. How dare you ask? On the podcast? What kind of precedent are you setting, David? We're on a podcast. But can he get me a ticket? Yeah, of course, Ben.

I'd really, I'd really love to see Hamilton on Broadway. Well, I'll let you know how it is. My birthday, my 30th birthday is coming up. Just putting that out there. I'll give you- You want my tip for how to go see Hamilton?

Is it to enter the Hamilton lottery? Become good, true friends with Ephraim Sykes. I'm good, true friends with you, as we are the two friends. We are. That's true. So you could just maybe, you know. I don't know. I don't know.

You could be like, all right, buddy. You got me the four tickets. I was supposed to get a fifth ticket. My pal David Sims is interested in seeing Hamilton. Standing room. Yeah. No, it was two separate requests I had to put in. Yeah.

Yeah, it's good. I don't give a shit. Yeah, it's good. Anyway, my family all went to go see Hamilton without me on my birthday. Yeah, it's good. I don't give a shit. Yeah, it's good. Anyway, my family all went to go see Hamilton without me on my birthday. Yeah, I know. And then you texted me and Ben being like, I'm having impromptu birthday drinks on the day of your birthday. Yep.

We didn't come. Or I didn't come. Maybe Ben came. Oh, Ben came. That's why Ben got tickets for Hamilton. That's the only thing I left out. Anyone who showed up to the bar got a ticket to Hamilton. Oh, yeah.

He was giving them just out to everybody. I was a little busy because it was know, it was like the day. Anyway, we are off track. I texted you like two hours before. But yeah, I didn't get a standing room for that night, but he gave me 45 standing room tickets for the next two weeks. So I handed one to everyone who showed up to the bar on my birthday. Oh boy.

Yeah. Ben right now is fanning himself in this unventilated recording studio. It's really, really warm in here. With Hamilton tics. Yeah. The box office. This film comes out June 2008, right? I believe it opens to...

Yeah, so we should note that his previous two films, The Village, had done well, but maybe a little less well. Yes. And then Lady in the Water was a bomb. Big bomb. Opens at 17, ended up, I believe, at 41. Now, the big marketing hook to this film was that M. Night's going, arrr. Yeah, so, I mean, let's, no, let's, yeah, let's, before we get to the box office, right.

He'd made Lady and the Water. Yeah. It veered away from twists. It veered away from, like, tension, right? From suspense. Yeah. And he made kind of a weird fable. It was kind of a really bad family movie.

Because it still had, like, violence. Yeah, a lot. Murder. Yeah, but kids hate Bob because it still had like violence. Yeah. Murder. Yeah. But kids hate Bob Balaban. And naked women. I mean, anyway, so yeah. So this was him.

Clearly, M. Night's always been a really reactive guy. Yeah. He's really concerned about like, I have to, you know, like success really is important to him. Well, people talk about like the one for me, one for them kind of equation that some directors have where it's like, I do a studio film and then I get the cachet to make one of mine. I think M. Night does one for me and then please, please, please like me again. It's not even one for them. Right.

He gets in this thing where he does what he thinks people want to see. Yeah, and so what's he thinking here is, you know what I've never done is a more violent film, like an R-rated film. Bloody. It's not like he's saying like, I know what you guys want is sex. It's only violence. Right, he said horror movies, most popular horror films are rated R.

I make horror films. All my horror films are in PG-13. What if I added this to the equation? The Sixth Sense's PG-13 is pretty crazy. Pretty terrifying. That should be an R-rated film. A lot of blood. In England, that film was rated 15,

which is a rating usually afforded to an R film. But then, yeah, Unbreakable and Signs, the violence is mostly implied. Yeah, pretty chaste films. And the same with The Village. Yeah, so he had always been kind of like a tell-don't-show. Yeah. I don't know.

I don't know how you say it. Like, he didn't, yeah. Yeah, I mean, the- Not a gory guy. Well, that's the thing. In retrospect, it's like, tell don't show you know yeah i don't know i don't know how you say like he didn't yeah yeah i mean the not a gory guy that's the thing in retrospect it's like r-rated m.i. shaman doesn't make that much sense no but at the time everyone was like oh r-rated m.i. shaman master of terror yeah great oh blood um yeah but like i think i think you're correct like that was a mistake yes the idea that violence was the answer yep violence. Violence is never the answer. Certainly wasn't here.

No. So I guess we can talk about the box office prospects before we get into the movie. Why don't we talk advertising campaigns? I read the tagline for the poster, which was stupid. The first R rated. It was like in red text. And they put the R. The rating box was bright red.

So the rest of the text on the poster was white. They wanted the R to really stick out. The poster, in typical Shyamalan fashion, no movie stars. His face is invisible, but they do have Wahlberg's name above the title. They do, for the first time in a while. But M. Night's name is the top of the poster. Do they think that consumers are going to give a shit that it's the first R-rated movie? They did.

I think it worked. Did that really work? I think the backlash was pretty swift, but opening weekend for the film, I believe, was like 37. Is that correct? Yeah, 30 million. 30? Not great. Okay.

It opened number three. Behind The Incredible Hulk? Correct. Also its opening weekend. That's correct. I saw these two movies back-to-back opening night at the AMC 25. I saw The Incredible Hulk at Union Square, and the air conditioning broke,

and I did not see that happening. I was not interested. Okay, Square and the air conditioning broke. And I did not see the happening. I was not interested. Okay, number two at the box office. So it's 2008. In my opinion, a better film than both of the others. Kung Fu Panda? Correct.

Really? Did I nail it? Okay. A very nice movie. Number four, one of my favorite comedies by this actor. 2008, it's one of your favorite comedies by this actor, You Don't Mess With the Zohan. Correct. Really?

Yes. Are you kidding me? Yes. Possibly my favorite Adam Sandler comedy. And I agree with that as well. Yeah. Okay, number five. Number five, a film that you're not going to guess from this unless you remember this story. I saw very soon after moving to New York, because I moved to New York in 2008.

Yeah. And I obviously wanted to see this film. I bought a ticket, and it was a packed theater, and a man came in, sat next to me. Before the movie started, he pulled his hat over his head, fell asleep, slept through the whole long movie. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull?

Bingo! Really? I nailed all five! You got all five. That's amazing. That's unprecedented. I've gotten them all wrong every other week. Yeah, you should get them wrong. No, I was just thinking about the time and the place. I was placing myself in that moment. Oh, wait. And I remember seeing Kung Fu Panda.

I thought Kung Fu Panda was going to bomb. The movie was better than they advertised it as being because of the- That is true because they advertised it as like Jack Black, Fat Panda, Skadoosh. Right. Yeah. It was like pretty well done. No, that's a good movie. Yeah.

Yeah. panda skadoosh right yeah it's like pretty well done uh that's a good movie yeah yeah um but uh the uh i remember seeing an ad that was just like like hey remember turn off your cell phones and then he like farted and then he fucked a lady with his belly or whatever fat thing he did you know he stuck his belly in a pussy i swear to god it happened but it was like an amc like turn off your cell phone he was like here's what we want hey Dreamworks but I saw that opening night of Crystal Skull

so Kung Fu Panda was about to come out Crystal Skull had been out for four weeks right and I saw that opening night of Crystal Skull and everyone lost it and I turned to my friend and I went I guess Kung Fu Panda is going to be the hit and then when I saw it I was like okay cool it's good well the thing about Kung Fu Panda is that it's actually like a weirdly like small-scale yeah clever

film like I don't know it's like an origin movie that works I could talk about Kung Fu Panda it's beautiful I'll tell you the other reason I think I did so well on this I got to give credit where credit's due my good friend Stephen Kelly who went to school in Scotland, he was back that summer. I hadn't seen him in a while, so I saw four of those five films with him. So I remember that chunk of like,

he was just back home, and we were like, let's go see a lot of movies. So we went to see Zohan, Kung Fu Panda. We did that as a double feature, and then we did A Different Night, Hulk, and Happening as a double feature. Shout out to Steak.

Some of the other movies of that year, you got Sex and the City, which was a double feature. Shout out to Steak. Some of the other movies of that year you got Sex and the City which was a huge hit. 70 mil opening week. Iron Man obviously which had launched

the Marvel Universe that now controls our lives. Who was in that? Jeff Bridges. The Strangers one of the best horror movies of the last 10 years.

Great movie. WALL-E comes out a couple weeks later which is maybe my favorite film of that decade. Decent movie. Chronicles of N comes out a couple weeks later, which is maybe my favorite film of that decade. Decent movie. Chronicles of Narnia, Prince Caspian, which I believe is the second Narnia film.

Real bummer, that one. What Happens in Vegas, Baby Mama, and touching Tom McCarthy drama, The Visitor. Oh, I don't like The Visitor. Yeah, it's okay. I'll say it's my least favorite Tom McCarthy film. That's a crazy thing to say. And I've seen Le Cobbler. Alright.

Anyway, back to The Happening. Yes. Yeah. So, The Happening, it's R-rated. R. It's got Mark Wahlberg, who is a movie star. Wahlberg. Not like a top tier movie star, but he's a movie star. He was in the transitionary period right now because he had sort of been like a B-level guy, right?

He had been a B-level guy who made movies like Rockstar. This is like pre-Ted. Yes. This is pre-Ted. Ted pushed him into the stratosphere. Yeah, he was a guy who... The strat-Ted-sphere. He was a guy who made R-rated action movies that grossed fine, like Max Payne or Shooter or Two Guns.

Wahlberg's going to open to 15. He's going to end up between 40 and 50. A reliable but not particularly exciting box office bet. And I think Planet of the Apes had been his shot to be a huge leading man. That movie bombed. Everyone hated it. Everyone hated it. You're right.

That movie didn't bomb at all. It was a massive success. I believe that movie is the. That movie didn't bomb at all. It was like a massive success. That's the craziest thing about that movie. I believe that movie is the most successful movie to not get a sequel. I read some stat like that. That's probably true. In terms of just raw gross numbers. Because then they just lay the franchise dormant for 10 years and then reboot it perfectly.

Anyway, Wahlberg's in this weird period. And people are kind of like, yeah, he's not a good period, and people are kind of like, yeah, he's not a good actor, but he's kind of fun. Wahlberg movies are trashy, campy for what they are, right? They mix The Departed, and he fucking pops in this cast. I mean, he's wonderful in The Departed. But in this murderer's row, you know? I mean, that he got an Oscar nomination over Jack Nicholson

remains one of the craziest Oscar surprises of recent memory. Well, and here's the crazy thing. As still happens to this day. He deserved it. Oh, 100%. But the supporting categories can often be a little fraudy because it's like, oh, whoever wins supporting actress is usually the lead female of that movie. In a movie where the lead character number one is a man, they give the second lead who is female supporting actress. We're going down a crazy garden path.

What are you talking about? And supporting actor is usually the second lead of the movie. Oh, sure. Or whatever is a genuine supporting character. Yeah. He's probably got 15 minutes of screen time in the movie. Yeah. But every time he shows up, you're just like, Jesus Christ, this fucking guy is so good. And he's not playing a cancer patient.

No, but he doesn't have any big emotional. The other thing is that he was so good in that movie that they immediately started being like, let's make a Departed 2 about Wahlberg's character. Remember that was like a literal, because like everybody dies in The Departed. Yeah. But they were like, you know what? Departed 2, Wahlberg. But I'll tell you something. Inside Scoop.

Yeah, they told me about it, Benny. Preposterous. Well, it didn't happen. Inside Scoop. I mean, it's the same way he keeps saying he's going to make a fight or two. But anyway, go on. I worked on a television series called Vinyl that is currently airing Sunday nights on HBO. Created by Martin Scorsese.

Who directed the pilot episode. And then there's the guy who's in the band. Oh, Mick Jagger. Did you meet Mick Jagger? I didn't. But I did have a couple talks with good old Marty S. And he was talking to me about how Warner Brothers I don't care. I'll say this.

He said Warner Brothers really didn't like The Departed. Well, I could see that. But it was a huge hit. But, like, sure, it's a weird movie. But they, like, screened it, and they were like, I don't know what we're going to do about this thing. And he was like, he said that he, like, felt proud of it. Like, he thought it was good.

And Warner Brothers was like, well, what are you going to do? You, like, I don't know. It's like a bummer. All the heroes die. The Departed is a crazy movie. Yes. Not only in that it's quite tragic for its characters, but it jumps around in weird ways. It's really jarring.

Yeah. Whole plot developments happen and are not mentioned. It's so good. It's very texture focused, you know, in a way, like not sort of plot focused. It is a crazy movie considering the movie it is a remake of, which had only come out like five years before. It was pretty straight down the middle. It is a very controlled, excellent thriller.

Not like that movie at all. And I saw other people worked on it who said at the time they were like, there's no way this movie is going to cut together. It's like insanity. But he said like, yeah, Warner Brothers never liked the movie. And I was like, well, I'm sure that changed after it came out and made a ton of money and won Best Picture. And he was like, nope. Nope. They still were just like, yeah, I don't get it. I'm sure that changed after it came out and made a ton of money and won best picture and he was like nope. Nope they still were just like yeah I don't get it. I'm surprised that people liked it that much.

And then they were like someone else in the group was like I'm surprised you never tried to make a sequel and he was like oh he said the reason they didn't like it after the fact after it did well was they were like well but it's no good to us because you can't make a sequel because all the characters died. So they were like unhappy when they saw it and then when it did well they were like yeah but now we can't make another one because all the characters died. Sure. So they were like unhappy when they saw it. And then when it did well, they were like, yeah, but now we can't make another one.

Get over it, Warner Brothers. Agreed. Come on. But so he said our solution was, well, let's write a movie about Wahlberg. He just got the Oscar nomination. Yeah, let's do a Wahlberg movie. Let's do a Wahlberg movie. It'll be him going to Washington and trying to take over the corruption in Washington.

Okay. It goes up the ranks. Okay. And he was like, we wrote that script and we brought it to Warner Brothers. And they were like, you can't put a movie on Wahlberg's shoulder. Oh, yeah. That's never happened. Yeah.

They were like, Wahlberg can't carry it. Well, I mean, if nothing else, this proves something we should probably talk about more on this podcast. Studios are really stupid. Yeah. Studios are dumb. Now, let's get on to Mark Wahlberg because I think this is an important guy to put front and center in our talk of the happening. Right? He's getting hot at this moment. He had the party got the oscar nomination warner brothers

thought he wasn't big enough to carry the film but he's starting to do like this is now he's getting genre but a little more highbrow genre and within like six seven years he's reinvented himself as one of our absolute top movie stars he's a guy who does oscar films he does fucking comedies he does family movies he does big like fucking sci-fi franchises he does everything yeah he had been around for a while but in the last like six years i'd say he moved into a different stratosphere yeah what is the movie is it is it the departed or is it ted or is it the fighter it might be the fighter i think the two back-to-back that do a lot for him weirdly are the other guys i think the other guys opens him up a lot more.

Because it was like he became self-aware. Well, the thing about him was he had always been this actor who worked, was great in movies directed by great directors. Yep. And that, I mean, I guess that's still basically true. But like, Boogie Nights, obviously. And then the David O. Russell movies. I Heard Huckabees and The Fighter. Three Kings.

And Three Kings. Yeah, he's great in all three. And we're just like, we were always like, yeah, this guy's definitely got it. Yeah. But then he would also make whatever. I don't know. Fucking The Truth About Charlie. There's no question.

You know what's kind of good, though, is the Italian job. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He had made a bunch of good movies. He'd made some good movies. Because, you know, the James Gray movies are good, too. The Yards and We Own the Night.

That's another great director who understands him. I think it's less about great directors because Jonathan Demme directed Truth About Charlie, who is a great director that's not a good movie. You know what else Jonathan Demme did? He wrote The Truth About Charlie, and he doesn't write movies. I don't know what was going on with that. I also think that film is like a fatal miscasting of him. Where I think the reason why Mark Wahlberg started opening up was he started realizing

he became super self-aware of who he was, right? And like, this is Mark Wahlberg. This is how Mark Wahlberg works. This is what people like about Mark Wahlberg started opening up was he started realizing he became super self-aware of who he was. Right. And like this is Mark Wahlberg. This is how Mark Wahlberg works. This is what people like about Mark Wahlberg. This is what people find funny about Mark Wahlberg. And he like took all the things that people used to mock him for and started owning them, playing into them and working with. This is all after the happen. This is all after the happening. And I think the happening is the one that shifts it all.

No, it's not the happening that shifts it. I think it is 100% Mark Wahlberg talks to animals that shifts it, if you remember. Which had come out right around the same time as the happening, maybe a little before. Can I throw something to you? Go ahead. I think Mark Wahlberg talks to animals is almost a direct parody of his performance in the happening. No, but I think it's before. I'm pretty sure it's before.

I'm looking it up. I looked this up. No, I I think it's before. I'm pretty sure it's before. I'm looking it up. I looked this up. No, I'm wrong. It's after. Right. Yeah. So, I mean, of course. This is when the Palin stuff was happening.

Those two moments together. It's 2008. It's October 2008. So it's right after. Happening's a big fall on his face. And then everyone's laughing at him. And he like does a Will Ferrell comedy and goes like, I get it. I get what's weird and funny about me.

And then does like better action movies and then does Ted. Like he just starts like fucking steamrolling and now he's like the head of the Transformers franchise and all these things.

But he is a guy who like, there's no question he's a movie star, right? The guy's just innately watchable. He's got a lot of presence. Yeah. Right? There's something interesting

about him in this old movie star way where he's got a face and a voice. Anyone you can do an impression of in that way is distinct enough that they're engaging to watch whether it's because they're good or they're bad you know like anyone who has a whole vibe that you could impersonate has some star quality that just needs to be placed in the right context and and you know

utilize properly yeah um but he can still be really bad. Like he's pretty bad in Transformers 4. Agreed. But I think that is a terrible part for him. Yeah. I mean yeah. In that it's barely a part and the bare scraps of characterization on the side of it don't. Once again he's playing like a fucking scientist. I'm sure you've seen

his quote about the happening. Let's refocus on the happening. Have you seen it? I've got it. He was doing Press for the Fighter. He was doing Press for the Fighter. He noted that Amy Adams had almost played his wife in The Happening. Would have made more sense than Zooey Deschanel. Weird couple.

And he said she had dodged a bullet by not being in the movie. And he then said it was a really bad movie. I can't do all of it. Didn't he like also though say, ah, fuck it. No, it was what it was. It was a bad movie.

Fucking trees, man. Fucking trees, man. I don't know. The plants. Fuck it. The plants. Fuck it. You can't blame me for not wanting to try and play a science teacher.

At least I wasn't playing a cop or a crook. You can't blame me for wanting to try to play a science teacher. All right. At least I wasn't a cop or a crook. Then like, yes. Okay, Mark, you've played a bunch of cops and crooks. You've done that. But you've also, I don't know, he was in like Three Kings.

He was in The Perfect Storm. He's had some roles. He played a firefighter in I Heart Huffman. He played a football player in Invincible. Yeah, he played a rock star in Rockstar. Played a stalker. Oh, yeah, in Fear. Oh, in Fear, way back when.

He played someone who fingers Reese Witherspoon on a Ferris wheel. Well, I consider him more of a fingerer than a stalker. He played a porn star, of course. Yes, yeah, a fucker. Yeah, no, I mean, you know, I don't know what his complaint is. Because it's like, yeah, you're a leading man. Leading men tend to play these sorts of gun-wielding types. Yeah.

But apparently he really wanted to play these sorts of gun-wielding types. Yeah. But apparently he really wanted to play a science teacher and in the happening, I mean, he was into the idea of playing a non-violent man, I guess. No, here's the craziest part, right? Bad casting choice,

but he was hot at this moment when someone's... Horrendous casting choice. I mean, disastrous, catastrophic casting decision. When someone's hot like that, Hollywood just tries to plug them into stuff

and they just... Oh, he's hot, we like him he just got the Oscar nomination, what are things we can make into Mark Wahlberg projects? No, but Shyamalan is a good caster usually. Usually. And like why didn't he see this coming? That like this is a role that requires someone to basically yelp all the time. Yeah. And like

talk about the worst match for Mark Wahlberg. IMDb trivia fact number three M. Night Shyamalan wrote the screenplay with Mark Wahlberg in mind for the lead role. What? That doesn't make any sense. Maybe he just liked Mark Wahlberg. We all like Mark Wahlberg. But we like him when we like him

where we like him. Where he belongs. And we've realized now there are a couple different boxes he belongs in. But Science Teacher's not one of them. In the same way that Do It Yourself fucking inventor, Texas inventor in the Transformers franchise is another. His character's name is

Cade Yeager, and he's a good old Texas boy who invents things. We're talking about the happening. His character is Elliot Moore, a Philadelphia high school science teacher, who's a bit of a prankster as we see in his one scene. He's fucking with his students.

Okay, can we talk about the first six minutes of this movie? Because I think the first six minutes are kind of perfect. The sort of Central Park scene? We see clouds moving quickly. We hear James Horner score. Not James, James Newton Howard. It's Newton Howard, yeah. His usual guy.

And talk Fujimoto, who had made, who shot the Sixth Sense for him and who had shot Signs. Yes, shot those two. He's back. He's back. He's back, baby. Back in tack. Ooh, AC just came on. Yeah. AC.

James Newton Howard's running those strings. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Not his most interesting score for a shot. No, and I think it's actually a bit of a mismatch. But the opening credits are exciting enough, right? And then we go to Central Park. And there are two ladies sitting there, and one of them goes, Oh, I forgot where I was.

And she goes, You're on page 72. The part where the guy reads the thing. So, one thing we should note about this thing in The Happening is there's two things it does. One, it kind of makes you repeat yourself and sort of freeze up and lose memory. Yeah. And then two, it makes you violently kill yourself. Right.

With a complete calm. That's it. That's like what's happening. That is the happening. That's the happening. That's the titular happening. What this movie's about, that's happening. They're talking about the book and they're having a weird conversation.

One of them's played by Kristen Connelly now of House of Cards. She was on House of Cards. She's in Cabin in the Woods. She looks over her shoulder. She sees that all these people are standing still in the middle of Central Park. Oh, how peculiar. What is happening?

Then she turns to her friend. She goes, like, Cindy, what's happening? Oh, boy. And she goes, blank, blank, blank, nothing. Yeah, and then she takes the chopstick out of her hair. Calmly. Yes, and plunges it into her neck. Cool.

It is cool. The only problem with it, and at least for me, was, like, the marketing was really, like, that was in the marketing. Yeah, they ruined it. So the shock of this movie, I feel like, is that. I think that was the teaser trailer. Yes. But I look at that moment, and I remember seeing it in the theater, and I went like, this is the, okay, this is what M. Night could do with an R. He's not trying to go super gory.

He's not trying to do Evil Dead. It goes into her neck a little like a trickle of blood comes out, but it's not like a big gross arterial sort of spray. But that kind of image is a little too disturbing for PG-13. Absolutely. And you feel like if that's where the movie's starting, if he's going to repeat images like that, that could be his R. It's not limbs getting removed.

It's shit like that that's just a little fucking, a little too much for PG-13, right? Yeah. Still effective. Very effective. Super effective. Good scene. Much worse than what we've seen in the sixth sense. Just a little more actively violent. Right. You get the close-up of the thing

going in. It's good. You think it's going to cut away and it doesn't. Hard cut to construction sites. That's the first three minutes of the film are good. The construction site scene is very like a lot of movies that were coming out around now. It's like movies are finally starting to broach like

9-11 imagery. Yeah Kung Fu Panda did that. Alright that's it. That's the end of the podcast. All podcasts. That's it. Goodbye forever. Remember there's the scene with the podcast All podcasts That's it Goodbye forever No you know Remember there's the scene With the two dumplings

And then he No He knocks them down The two dumplings At a construction yard Again One comedy point It's like people freeze up

Yes What's happening We hear like Sort of thudding noises Oh the first thing that happens Is they're talking And a body falls And they're like

Oh god somebody fell You know they're thinking Oh it's a construction accident Oh boy yeah And then people are just Throwing themselves From the top of the building There's an amazing image talking and a body falls right next to him. And they're like, oh god, somebody fell. You know, they're thinking, oh, it's a construction accident. Oh, boy, yeah. And then people are just throwing themselves from the top of the building. There's an amazing image where the guy looks up. Which was also in the marketing. Yes.

Yes. He looks up and you just see the edge of the building and people just starting to step up and these bodies starting to fall towards the lens. It's a beautiful, beautiful shot. And he's doing a lot of what Tak Fujimoto's good at, what he did in the sort of A Lot in Silence of the Lambs with Jonathan Demme, where it's like characters staring down the barrel of the lens, which is very disorienting.

It's very unnerving, you know? And so you're seeing the guys who are trying to figure out what's going on looking straight into the camera, and then you're seeing their perspective, which is bodies falling towards them. It is a creepy 9-11 thing. And Cloverfield had come out the year

before. Movies were starting to play on that imagery of the news. Cloverfield came out earlier that year. That was January. The top of 08. Okay, so we're at minute 6, I believe second 30 of the film. Oh god, I like this. I'm watching it. I'm hooked. I'm watching

on Amazon and I'm going, was I wrong about this thing? Because this had always been my least favorite. Am I wrong about this? And then at minute six, second 32, Marky Mark enters. And goes like, okay, so what are we going to do about the honeybees? So here's the thing about Mark Wahlberg in this film. Not the worst performance in the film. Interesting. Zooey Deschanel's performance is worse than his.

Disagree. We're going to talk about this a lot. I agree with that yeah Zooey Deschanel's performance is one of the most disastrous performances I've ever seen

in a major film I disagree Mark Wahlberg it's like I get why he's bad like you know he's like I can see him being bad

if that makes sense Zooey Deschanel never makes a correct choice ever is she making a choice? I mean like everything she does is wrong.

So wrong. Can I throw something out there? And I like Zooey Deschanel in general. Can I throw something out there? I think Mark Wahlberg's performance in this movie is one of the most disastrous lead performances ever in a studio film. It's not good. I'm not saying it's good. I think Zooey Deschanel is secretly really good in this movie.

No, she's not. I think she is. I'm going to build an argument for it. There's no argument. But let's focus on Wahlberg first, okay? There is not an argument. There is an argument. I'm going to build it.

No, there isn't. There is an argument. I'm going to build it. Because I felt the same way when I saw it the first time. I was a huge Zooey Deschanel fan. I saw it and I went, this is a fucking disastrous performance. I had already soured on her. And I was talking to past guest Katie Rich about this, about her weird career.

Very weird. How, like, obviously she came onto the scene strong, indie star, good girl. Jimmy Fallon's Indian boyfriend music video. And then, you know, she does, like, all the real girls. Almost Famous was her breakout. It was crazy. Almost Famous, good girl. And then she does

All the Real Girls. All the Real Girls. She's got a girl in her. I would give her an Oscar. I would, too. And then, that same year, she does Elf, which she's so charming in, and it's such a nice movie. And it's a huge hit. It felt like she was going to be a big star. And then she makes movies that literally sound like parodies of indie movies.

Well, like Gigantic with Paul Dano? Gigantic, Eulogy. Flakes? Winter Passing, Live Free or Die, The Good Life. I believe there's one called Flakes that's about her working at a cereal restaurant that only serves breakfast cereal I swear to God I mean we were talking about

like when every indie movie became like a Tribeca Film Festival movie like you know like it's just garbage yeah you know this is also around the time that she's active in She and Him as well

and so she is touring everyone's getting a little sick of her whole twee like iconic sort of thing. And then when she does New Girl she kind of owns it and weaponizes it and makes herself the butt of the Joker.

She had done 500 Days of Summer which I feel like that's when it's like at critical mass. And then she does New Girl and right, yes. That's when she's sort of becoming meta about it.

Yes. And then basically she hasn't done any movies. She hasn't done movies anymore. She's done one film since New Girl started. Can you name that film? Rock the Casbah. Yep.

Unfortunately. Let's not talk about that one. Anyway. But anyway, so, but we've got Wahlberg, science teacher. Okay, so there's one detail he throws out in this scene that I've never stopped thinking about. About the bees? No, the thing about your face growing every year. Yeah.

I think about that a lot. It's a weird, yeah, he's like, your nose grows a little bit like every year. There's a really good looking kid and he's like, hey, he's not even that great looking. But within the context of the film, the film asks us to accept that the kid has a perfect face, right? Yeah. And he goes like, hey, Jerry, don't you have any answer for the question? Because he's just going, what about the honeybees? What do you think's happening to the honeybees?

The honeybees are disappearing. He's got an Einstein quote behind him on the wall that says, when the honeybees start dying, humanity has four years left. And it says a direct quote from Einstein on the chalkboard. He's asking everyone about the honeybees, and he goes, what about you, Jerry? And Jerry's like, pfft. And he's like, oh, what, you're too busy having a perfect face

to give me an answer about the honeybees? And Jerry's like, huh. So at this point, I am already actively disconnecting from the film. Yeah, because the performance- I'm abandoning ship. Already, this is not, no!

Mark, no! What are you doing? It's the thing where I'm on the ship, and there's one little leak, but for some reason, I'm some sort of math genius who knows everything about ships, and I'm just like,

we gotta go. It's just one little thing but i'm like it's too late we have to leave you know what you are you're victor garber and titanic going i designed this ship i know if we're hitting that spot there's no way we make it through the night she's made of iron sure sir and i assure you she can that's the line right uh but yeah no i mean it just immediately you're just like something fucked up is happening here uh like that that was my read i was like this is not where you take those first scenes. Nope, nope.

You don't take it to some cutesy. This is not who you have playing this part. No. And you need someone, what they set up is this guy's such a big, this is how I would describe this performance, okay? I would describe it as Mark Wahlberg doing an impression of Mark Wahlberg doing an impression of a nerd. Yeah.

I mean, the one thing Wahlberg has going for him versus, like, say, you know, 15 years ago, maybe Arnold Schwarzenegger plays this role or whatever. It's like, Mark Wahlberg's not big. Like, he's kind of a slight tough guy. He's small and he's slimmed down, it looks like, for this role. So you can disguise him. You can disguise him. It's not like Kindergarten, well, the Kindergarten Cup doesn doesn't, but you know, it's not like some movie where Junior, like where it's like,

Arnold Schwarzenegger is not, I'm sorry, he's just not a doctor. Every Arnold Schwarzenegger movie needs a scene where someone goes, why do you look like that? you're just massive. How much time do you spend in the gym?

But Wahlberg, you know, basically just like a guy. That had been said. Every line reading to me plays like he wants to beat up his own character. Well, that's the thing. He might look it, but he doesn't embody it and i think he hates this fucking nerd he's playing

the role he's born for is the departed which is the chip on the shoulder guy who's like yeah i know i'm a little small yeah but like don't fuck with me like you know i'm crazy you don't know what i'm gonna do he's good at playing the fuck you guy yeah and this guy he's playing the fuck me guy like i don't know fuck me like. Like, I don't know, fuck me. Like, oh, God. Or like what Russell does, which is he takes, David or Russell,

he takes advantage of like you thinking like, ah, this guy's like got an inferiority complex. Yeah. You know, like in Anihar Huckabees or in The Fighter,

he's kind of sad. Yeah. Doesn't trust himself. Like, that's good, Wahlberg. But it's, that inferiority complex. He's kind of like cocky, but then you're also like,

who is this? He's a science teacher. He uses McKees mode to overcome his inferiority complex. He's kind of cocky, but then you're also like, who is this? He's a science teacher. He uses machismo to overcome his inferiority complex. Not to overcome it, to disguise it, right? I guess so. If you take away the sense of machismo, you got nothing. So this, he's just like a straw man because it's just like, I don't know. I love science.

And he goes up at the end of every single sentence in a way where it sounds like he can barely keep his fist out of frame from punching himself in the face and being like, listen to this fucking nerd. That's what Sandberg marked. It was just Sandberg, who was never a master impressionist, but he just nailed the diction. Identified the diction. That up thing, and everything he says sounds like a stupid thing. And this is the movie where he does that the most,

and where he's least convincing in every single line reading. He says those things as a kid where he's like, you've got a perfect face. Well, guess what? Your face grows like 1 15th of a centimeter every year. So in 15 years, your nose is going to suck. And then he's like, I'm just kidding. You're always going to have a perfect face.

I think about that all the time. Well, okay. I don't. I don't give credit to the movie, but I... It's just a weird thing to think about. I like that sometimes you see something in a movie and it teaches you something about life and you remember it forever.

Okay. What if it turns out that my show just made that shit up and you've been just thinking a lot? I believe it. But anyway, so, I mean, then we proceed pretty quickly. Alan Ruck shows up for one second as the principal just to be like, hey, we got it. Like, school's out. Something crazy is happening. Yeah.

Something's happening. Something is happening. Wahlberg goes home To his wife Oh before that There's a hard cut Also I do want to say It's 9-11-ish as well It reminded me of my experience

It's all very 9-11 Right yeah It's like yeah It's all very 9-11 We gotta leave school Like the teachers We don't know what's going on We just want to get everyone home

That's what my 9-11 was like The village is the movie About like a vague sort of trauma Yeah That people are trying to escape from But like this is more directly You can tell it's on his mind This is living through it And Lady in the Water 2 Is about like There's like this is more directly. You can tell it's on his mind. This is living through it.

And Lady in the Water 2 is about like there's like this specter of darkness around like you know the wars that we see on TV and stuff like. But those movies are reactionary. It's the fallout. This film is what does it feel like in the moment when the world is crumbling. It's kind of like what Spielberg did with War of the Worlds except Steven Spielberg's War of the Worlds is really good and really like frightening and like disorienting. Yeah.

Whereas this is not at all. So they hard cut from Ellen Ruck going, just go home, be with your families. To. Zooey Deschanel staring at the camera, her big blue eyes. Like all eyes. I forgot about that. They cut to, she's got obviously these gorgeous blue eyes. Right.

And they just cut to her eyes. And they're wide open. She's staring. She's sitting in a room by herself. And you're like the fuck's going on and then cell phone vibration i mean i think it's supposed to be like a misdirect of like oh is she about to stab a chopstick through her neck or whatever right then like no she's just pensive because maybe she wants to leave her husband maybe well and then i think you also are supposed to think misdirect it's her husband calling her on the cell phone and she picks up and she goes like, Joey, I can't.

We just got tiramisu one time. That's it. Can't you move on? I believe the voice on the other end of the line is M. Night Shyamalan. That is correct. M. Night Shyamalan is the voice of Joey in this film. He can't let it go. I thought this was the first one he didn't have a cameo in.

But this time he plays a guy who will not stop bothering Zooey Deschanel because they had tiramisu one time. And that's supposed to be innuendo, right? Yeah, yeah, they had some tiramisu. They had some tiramisu. She had some. They ate it all up. Coffee-flavored tiramisu. Yeah, he tiered her misu.

Anyway. Wahlberg gets home. They get on a train to Harrisburg. What's going on? Who's Joey? Who are you talking to on the phone? They get on a fucking train to Harrisburg. Well, of course.

What happens is- We're in Philly, of course. His best friend is John Leguizamo. We forgot to mention this. Which is great. Third build in the film. John Leguizamo has a daughter. Or was it clear he was a math teacher? Okay, because this is his opening line of the film. God, this is crazy what's going on here. You know what I do? I just tell everyone statistics. Statistics calm people

down. See, math can make life better. It's good being a math teacher. I don't think Leguizamo is bad in this movie, but he's certainly saddled with a very unfortunate series of lines. People like statistics. It's his whole fucking game. You know Leguizamo can really be bad. I think he's a great actor, but he

can really go way over the top. And you can tell when he's phoning it in. He doesn't really hear. No, he's pretty middling, I'd say. But he loves statistics. And he has this theory that statistics will calm people down. Which, I'd love to see the statistics on that theory. But I'd say. But he loves statistics. Yeah, so- And he has this theory that statistics will calm people down, which I'd love to see the statistics on that theory. But I'd also, like,

it's one of those half-hearted Shyamalan things where, like, he does it, like, twice. Like, it's not enough. There's not enough of it for- He sets it up in his opening line. He sets it up. He does it one time

and then another time. Right before he dies. Yeah. Both right before he dies. But Legas almost says to him, he's like, hey, I talked to my mom. She lives in Philadelphia.

They say it's safe there. We should go to Philadelphia. No, they're in Philadelphia. You mean Harrisburg. They're in New York. No, they're in Philadelphia. They're in Philadelphia. They're going to Harrisburg.

Are you serious? Yes, I am serious. But the film opens in Central Park. Yes, but that's because it starts in Central Park. It hasn't reached Philadelphia yet, but there's like an encroaching wave. And so they're going to go to Harrisburg, which is in the center of Pennsylvania. I think the confusion is I believe there are some shots of a park in Philly as well.

There are also shots. That happens later. That happens later. That's like the second wave of the attacks. I was going to say, I thought the film was they start out in New York, and then it's about people having to get to Philadelphia because it's the only safe place left. I was going to load a lot onto that. No, because there's... don't load anything onto that.

I will not because it wasn't right. Because there's those maps on the news that's basically like this sort of, you know, the dots, like this sort of growing wave. Yes, yes. And John Leguizamo is about seven years older than Mark Wahlberg, who's about nine years older than Zooey Deschanel. If not more. And doesn't look good.

Nope. You can pull that off sometimes, but Zooey Deschanel looks way too young to be his wife. Uh-huh. And Leguizamo looks like too old to be like his best friend. The whole thing's weird. And, but yet they all get on a train to Harrisburg. But they have

chemistry, those two, as friends. And Zooey Deschanel. Nobody has any chemistry. What are you talking about? I think that Tiger has chemistry with the arms he rips off. That's about it. I think at the end of every scene with Leguizamo and Wahlberg, they high-fived each other and went like, what a fucking bunch of dweebs, right?

It feels like both of them think their characters are losers. Leguizamo definitely does, you can tell. He's like, I'm playing this guy as a bit of a nebbish. Can I throw out just a- And it's a bit too obvious. Can I throw out a quick IMDb trivia fact? Yeah, shoot. This movie was shot completely in sequence. Which is something he's done before, right? He does that.

Yeah, but it's very unusual. It is, and it's expensive, I think. It is. Although this movie does have a progression that maybe that made it easier because like we don't ever cut back to Philly or whatever. You know, they're on the road. Yeah.

So I suppose that made it easier. Yes. So they all meet up at a train station. Leguizamo, his daughter, Zoe Deschanel, Mark Wahlberg. Mark Wahlberg, right after Leguizamo told him the thing about fucking statistics was like by the way Alma and I have been fighting

and he's like what's going on and he's like I don't know marriage isn't going well and he's like well dude I've been meaning to tell you this

since it happened but when you got married I walked in on her in the changing room in her dress she was crying and then she looked up at me and she gave me a look

and Wahlberg was like he says this after news that there are basically like chemical attacks in New York that's the news And after telling him that statistics calm everyone down, then he tells his friend something to freak him out and he goes,

she looked me in the eyes and she gave me that look. And I said, what kind of look? And he goes, that look like you're not ready for what you're about to jump into. It's so weird that you immediately think he's talking about a different character. Like there's no way that he's talking to him about his wife, right?

Right. Like, it's some other story he's telling. Is that what this is? Especially because she's called Alma, which is, I mean, kind of a Hispanic name. Okay, I looked it up. It has become a Hispanic name, but it's actually, I think, like Dutch in origin. All right, so that's fine. But, I mean, nonetheless, it is weird because John Leguizamo's kid is called Jess,

and that is the name of Zooey Deschanel's character on New Girl. Once again this is something I can't play in the movie for. No but it's very confusing now. But when we're on season 6 of a TV show that I still watch 5 that I still watch regularly where the theme song is it's Jess and like you associate

that name with that face and in this movie you have Zooey Deschanel calling someone else Jess the entire time. I like could not keep I know couldn't keep any of it in my head. No not at all. But let's just be let's yeah so show up at the train station like it's almost like Shyamalan bad writer style

uh huh. Yeah he's like oh and just in case you didn't know this Mark Wahlberg you're having marital difficulties. Right. Right and Mark Wahlberg's like yeah yeah, yeah, all right, wah, you know. I'm freaking out about it. She doesn't, you know,

gets the phone call from Joey, doesn't want to deal with it. Wahlberg's like, we gotta go. They go to the train station. Leg is almost like, hey, I'm really glad you showed up. And she's like, what are you talking about?

He's like, well, I know you guys had a fight, but I'm glad, even though you had a fight last night, you decided to show up here at the train station. And it's like, fucking Johnny Legs,

like, shut up for five seconds. The world is ending. Like, you think we're not gonna show? Yeah, you had a fight last night, you decided to show up here at the train station. And it's like fucking Johnny Legs, like shut up for five seconds. The world is ending. What are you talking about? You want a statistic? 40% of fights result in someone not showing up to the train station the next morning. And then she's like, can I talk to you for a second? Pulls Wahlberg aside. It's like, why'd you tell me?

He's like, I don't know. Fucking honeybees are dying. Whole thing is going on. And she's like, okay, I'm going to not sit next to you on the train. dying whole thing is going on and she's like okay i'm gonna not sit next to you on the train and then she walks up to leguizamo and she's like um i should just get on the train now because we're not gonna sit next to each other anyway right and he's like they have all the chemistry of like people who've been on one tinder day like they have no chemistry at all you're talking walberg and seditional obviously leguizamo yeah can i tell you why I think it's secretly a really good performance?

It's not. Can I tell you why? Yes, I can tell you it's not though. Because I think she's playing someone, I think they are a couple who never

should have been married in the first place. That doesn't make any sense. I think, whereas most Shaman films are someone trying to save their marriage, this film is like,

these two people liked each other enough that they thought it was a good idea to get married, now they realize they have nothing in common. But the arc of the movie is that they get together and that they find that people liked each other enough that they thought it was a good idea to get married and now they realize they have nothing in common. But the arc of the movie

is that they get together and that they find that they love each other. I'm ignoring the ending of the film. Your argument is false because they don't even have any like knowledge

of each other. That's what's so weird about the movie. I think she's like a manic pixie dream girl that he fetishized and now he's like domesticated her

and he finds her boring now. You're reading way too much into this. Way too much into Zoe Deschanel. Probably. I'm just trying to find something in this fucking movie. She is lost at sea.

And maybe that's because Shyamalan's not a great director of actors. It also feels like the character's lost at sea. I mean, character's not. Come on. The character is basically, the character's arc in the story, forget the performance, is she was feeling a bit touchy about the marriage. She had not even a dalliance, but like she entertained a dalliance. She like went on a date.

To her credit, I'll say this. What she is, what's successful about their performance is as being on the receiving end of like having issues with the girlfriend. I could not tell you what was going on in her head. She's just, she's a closed book. I have no idea. You can't in her head. She's a closed book. I have no idea. You can't figure her out. There's that. Yeah.

I don't know. Maybe she's just supposed to be 100% inscrutable. But I don't think so because the movie, yeah, it's like she's had this dalliance. She confesses it. Right. Early. Early. And then they just kind of figure it out and it's better.

A little bit. They don't seem that happy by the end of it there's not a lot to this movie I think it's his worst film Lady in the Water I haven't seen the last year but it's probably worse than this but I mean but you know the thing about it is it's actually not as bad as Lady in the Water

but it's just such a shrug of a movie. Like, after those opening scenes, it's just kind of like. Well, he said in interviews that his goal was to make the best B movie ever. That's just horseshit. Okay, now this is what I don't like about that sort of thinking, right? It's him saying, like, oh, my goal is just to make the best bad movie of all time. And if you don't get that and you think it's bad, then you're stupid because you don't understand I'm trying to be bad on purpose. Which my theory is, don't run a race with your legs tied

together like if you can fucking direct a movie make the best movie you can make doing that no but he's not doing that that's just some shit you say in an interview yeah like oh this would be movie he also compared this movie to the birds and invasion of the body snatchers which are two of the most famous suspense films ever made fucking movies where people are playing at the top of the intelligence. Those are not B movies. Those are A movies. What a B movie is, is like a cheap 50s Hollywood type movie. Like The Visit.

That would play like The Visit. Yeah, that would play like sort of with another movie. It would be kind of short. Right. And was just kind of cheap, sexy fun. And was big and loud and over the top because you were just trying to get people to stay in their seats. And was made fast. You know, it was just like a fun, silly thing. But that's the thing because

it was the second movie on a lineup. It's literally a B picture after your A picture. You want people to stay in the theater, buy more popcorn. You got big flash. You have sex. You have violence. You have fun. Twists, you know. And this is like so... So it's just this way that people misuse that term B movie. This movie was made for

50 million bucks. It's not a B-movie. The arrogance of him saying people don't get it. I pretty much was just trying to make the best B-movie ever and that's what I did. It's like, you can't tell me that you made the best B-movie ever. We tell you that and we have told you that you did not. Maybe he was trying to say he was trying to make the

best B-movie ever in that it's the best movie in which the inciting incident is bees dying. But even then, I would say that B movie is better than The Happening. Do they die in B movie? I think that's why the controversy is that the honey is making them weak so they sue to get the rights to their honey back from the people. I think that's the plot of B movie. Who was it who told him to make B movie? Some maniac.

Jeffrey Katzenberg. Yeah. I think Seinfeld literally just said this shit to Katzenberg at aberg. Yeah. It was like, I think Seinfeld literally just said this shit to Katzenberg at a party. Katzenberg was like, it's a movie. We're making a movie.

Katzenberg wanted Seinfeld to do an animated movie. And he was like, Jerry, come on, you gotta do an animated movie. And he was like, I don't have any ideas. And he's like,

you must have some idea. And he's like, well, I thought it'd be funny if you called a movie B-movie and had bees in it. And he's like, green light, done. Like, that was the story.

He just wanted a Seinfeld movie so badly. Anyway. Anyway. So, but let's get through the plot of the happening. Okay. They get on a train. They're on a train for a little bit. The train stops.

We lost communication. In the middle of nowhere. And yeah, there's this kind of good scene where Wahlberg is like, why'd you stop? What's the matter? And all the train conductors are together with their hats, and eventually they admit there's no contact with the outside world. And Mark Wahlberg says, with whom?

And he goes, we lost contact. And he goes, with whom? With everyone. The whole world. With whom? At this point, John Leguizamo's really worried about his wife, I believe. Yes.

So he decides to go off in search of her, like kind of into the danger zone, right? That's the idea. Well, they go to a diner. The diner gets a news report saying it's spreading across the city. That's where they see the video on their phone of a guy getting ripped to shreds at a zoo. He walks into a lion's cage and he holds one of the worst scenes. It's the worst version of, he's trying to remake the birthday party scene from signs where it's like,

you're watching the video and you can't really see what's going on. But then like, it's like, Oh, you're behind someone's head. And then when you can see, it's just a guy walking around with like a bloody stump that looks like a fucking SNL sketch.

It looks like that. The Phil Hartman as the weightlifter, you know what I'm saying? Where his arms fall off and it's just like ketchup shooting out. The other thing that doesn't make sense is the birthday party scene in Signs is shot exactly as that would be shot. Yep. Where it's like kind of panicked. Someone is watching someone get torn to pieces by a fucking animal.

Yeah. And it's just holding their camera steady right on. But there's one moment where the camera goes down for a little bit. And he's like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. And then he lifts it back up again. Right, right, right. Just to kind of make the transition between violence.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's crappy. It's terrible. At this point, the movie sucks. Yeah. Right? We agree.

Yeah. Leguizamo sees it spreading to Princeton, which is where his wife is. The owner of the diner is like, we all got to get out of here. The electricity goes out at the diner suddenly. Yeah. So they all start trying to hitch rides. That's what I was getting to. Leguizamo decides to go into

the danger zone. He wants to go to Prince and get his wife. Not run away, go in with a bunch of people who are in a jeep. Yeah. Take my daughter. He gives Wahlberg his daughter. It's a disastrous decision. They go in a car with Frank Collison, who's a great character actor.

Frank Collison, who was in The Village. Yes. He plays a plant nursery owner. Which he explains the second he starts talking. Hey, my wife and I have a car. We have extra seats. We run a plant nursery. We just got to go back and get some plants.

But if you want to come with us, we go get the plants so you can come with us. Like he just immediately outlines everything you need to know about him for the sake of the plot. He does. And Frank Collison's weird looking. Yep.

And this movie makes him more weird looking. He's got like a beard and shit. And so I think you're watching it thinking like oh this guy's trouble. He's going to be the Crete. No.

No. No. Not at all. But whatever. But it doesn't even feel like it was a conscious red herring. It feels like Shyamalan

didn't realize that the way he positioned him in the movie would scare people would make them unnerved it's hard to know but anyway walberg de chanel daughter daughter jess uh jess who's played by ashlyn sanchez yeah they get in a car with plant nursery people to go like further west and now they just have a daughter they They have his best friend's daughter. And there's this scene. Oh, Ashlyn Sanchez, by the way, it's the little girl from Crash. That's the other big thing

that she's in, yeah. She was Michael Peña's daughter? Yeah, she's in the best scene in the movie. Yeah, very good in that. And I believe she played one of Smith's kids in the West Wing.

You know, Smith's. That's a pro Smith's podcast. Yeah, I know about Smith's. Yeah, definitely, yeah. Smith's, Smith's. So I totally lost my train of thought this movie's so boring oh yeah they just go

no no there's that scene where like was almost like tell you statistics right that's my favorite scene in the entire film such a weird scene

they drive into Princeton and they're like why are these cars parked in the side of the road why are these ladders and they look and all the like the fucking

like what I don't all these guys have just hung themselves in the side of the road. Where are these ladders? And they look and all the like, the fucking like, like, what, I don't, all these guys have just hung themselves with like hoses from the trees. It makes no sense

because they are like 40 feet off the ground. It's like, how the fuck did they get up on those trees? Well, all the ladders are there. Is the idea that they're supposed to be repairmen? All right. They're like landscapers.

They're landscapers. Or whatever. It's a bunch of, there's a bunch of trucks and then there are a bunch of ladders, and as they drive further, they see all these guys hung up by the hoses. I mean, it's kind of scary. He's got some good images across the film.

You know, he kind of did that in The Sixth Sense. Yeah. He already did the, like, hanging people. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Like, it's fine, though. Hanging is creepy.

That always is creepy. Always creepy. It's always a creepy image, right? So there's a teenage girl in the car, and she's freaking out. Her parents, who are in the car with her, are doing nothing to calm her down. And Leguizamo from Shotgun turns around and is like, you know what calms people down? Statistics.

Let me tell you some statistics. And then gives them statistics. I think this is an okay scene. And then he does the game with the dollar. He goes, if I give you a penny the first day of the month, and every day I double it, how much money do you have by the end of the month? And she's like, oh my god, I don't like dead people. And he's like, just focus, just focus, work on the question.

Math calms people down. People like numbers. And she's like- She gives like the wrong answer. But they're also cutting to that shot of the little- Yeah, well he notices that, I mean, good idea by the way, guys. They're trying to clog up the windows. They're trying to stuff the windows with clothing.

They drove, it's an airborne disease, and they drove in a fabric Jeep. Like, you know, like, come on, guys. Like the Jurassic Park, like, fucking Jeep Wrangler. Yeah. And, yeah, he notices a tear in the roof. And he keeps going with it. I don't understand what he's driving. Well, I think he knows it's over, but he's just trying to chill her out.

Yeah. Well, but the thing that is both good and bad about the gimmick is, like, it doesn't, no one attacks each other. That's like the central thing. You kill yourself. Which is kind of a problem in this movie because it means that there's no threat. The only threat is wind.

It's not like you can be worried like uh oh Deschanel's gonna get a whiff of this and turn on me. But it is also kind of cool that it doesn't work. I mean, it ends up hobbling. I mean, it's not even that worth going through the rest of the plot of the film.

We'll go through a couple of key details. This is the big thing what you brought up that I want to talk about, about why this movie's kind of, like, fundamentally, dramatically inert with the way it's set up. But I just have to read this for mine to be trivia. The exact answer to Julian's math riddle

with the average month having 30 days is $10,737,418.23. The answer is not $10,737,418.24. Literally no one knows what you're talking about right now. Because Julian is asking about the total sum of the amounts from all days. And every amount is an even number except the amount on the first day, one cent. Therefore, the total sum must be an odd number of cents. In addition, when the month in question is 31 days, then $10,737,418.24

will be the amount on the 31st day and the total sum after 31 days would be... Take a guess. I don't care. Are you going to cut this out? $21,474,836.47. I think... Ben, please cut that out.

I just dropped the phone. No, that's in 100%. That was really bad. That's in 100%. People wouldn't like that. People will love it phone. No, that's in 100%. That was really bad. That's in 100%. People wouldn't like that. People will love it. But anyway, let's move on. Okay, so movies like this where the threat is a force in.

It is in. Let it out. It's in. No, but yes. The Day After Tomorrow had come out a couple years before. It was 2004. It was four years earlier, right? Four, right.

Yes. And that's a movie where people outrun frost yes like ice right cold movies like this

where there is some sort of attack natural that is threatening humanity but is a natural occurrence it is hard if it's not like an alien there's not like a fucking like manifestation

you know like a physicalization of the enemy that you can conquer if there's not a way to reverse the effects. Because it always just is like, well, I can't believe that this guy could stop this. And if it just stops suddenly, then it feels like a cheat.

Like, what do you do? So the movie just becomes them trying to outrun it. It takes so long because fucking, what's his name? Coulison, Frank Coulison, early in the film is like, you know, plants could talk to each other. It's probably the plants. He says that minute 40. Yeah, this sort of what's happening. Which is like, it know, plants could talk to each other. It's probably the plants. He says that minute 40. Yeah, that's sort of what's happening. Which is like it's some sort of natural reaction from plants.

Like plants can release toxins. They're fighting back. They don't like how we treated us. They can talk to each other, this and that. No, this, I should say, one problem with this movie is that it's, I guess it's an environmental movie, but there's no like other environmental message to it. It's not like we see like construction sites.

Right. Or like logging. No. It's not like we see construction sites or logging. It's just sort of like that thing. Or like a representative for the plants who are talking and addressing American people. Like the Lorax. Yeah, I speak for the trees. He might say that. Right, and then he kicks himself in the butt and goes over there.

And he could be played by former M. Night Shyamalan cast member Tova Feldsha. Yes. You know, right? Like, I mean, if anyone's listened to the Lady in the Water episode, you know. It almost feels like this film was inspired by his conversations with Tova Feldsha, and then he completely misinterpreted everything that she told him. I think it was inspired. He listened to the episode about Lady in the Water in the future,

in the trial back in time, and was like, you know what's going to work. This is short, but I have to throw out another IMDb fact, because it makes as much sense as what you just said. Can you totally throw this out and we're totally cutting the other thing that you did? And 100% we're cutting that? Both of them are 100% in.

Towards the end of the movie, Alma puts something in Jess's backpack. The backpack has a picture from Avatar The Last Airbender. Oh, okay. On the next scene, Jess boards a school bus

with the number 2010 on its hood. This is an allusion to The Last Airbender, which was released in 2010 and also directed by M. Night Shyamalan. So this person is saying that he put the year of the movie and the cartoon show that the movie was based off of in the movie, even though he had not yet decided to make that movie,

that he was calling his shots Babe Ruth style and was like, I'm going to put a reference. Like he went into the future, then jumped into the past and was like, I'm going to put a reference. Like he went into the future, then jumped into the past and was like, M. Night, you should put 2010 on this hood because then it's going to work as an Easter egg for something I haven't done yet. You're cutting that too.

Right, Ben? It's a little spooky, right? Yeah. Or the IMDb trivia person's a dummy. Yeah, I think it's the trivia person. I don't think we should really rely on IMDb trivia too much because anyone can submit that shit. Although sometimes I say things to people so it forces me to do it. Yeah.

You know what I mean? So you're saying it was like a vision board. Yeah. He made a vision board in this movie so that he could someday direct a Last Airbender movie. Okay, Day After Tomorrow, which I enjoy, I think is actually like a B-movie. It's all right. It's a big budget B-movie, but it's broad, it's cheesy. It's a movie about the environment that actually at least tries to be about the environment

and climate change. It's not good at it or anything. A little sort of, yeah, over the head. Whereas this movie is just him being like, oh, climate change. That'd make the trees mad. It's not thematically tied into the film at all. It's not hit upon as a thing whatsoever. But the other thing with Day After Tomorrow is the way they get around this thing is it's

like, okay, you can't beat the world, right? Nature, if it's going to attack, is going to attack. There's no way to beat it. There's not an alien chief that you can take down. How could you? Right. So what is the plot of the film? Are you going to set the air on fire?

The son's in New York. The dad's in D.C. The movie is Finding Nemo. Yeah, it's them finding each other. Someone has to get to someone else. Yeah, no, the good thing about the day of tomorrow is that

the world ends. Right. But there's an emotional climax to them reuniting. Which means there's a thing you can latch onto and

like follow and there's a goal that can be achieved. They can't beat nature, but like the guy can find his son again and hug him and then

we'll feel some sort of catharsis at the end of the movie. This movie is a guy and his wife who don't really like each other anymore, who should have never gotten married in the first place, on the run, at minute 40 a guy explains to them everything

that's going on. They go, that's dumb and you're an idiot. Fuck you. And then go on with their way. 20 minutes later when his theory is proven completely correct they're like, that guy's still dumb. Maybe he's right. Probably not. He's crazy. They figure it out in, I think, the scene that people mock the most, which is them outrunning just wind.

Yeah. They're in a hayfield, and they sort of see the wind approaching. But see, that's the last scene I think we should mock, because even if it feels corny, and I think it's just because of what the movie's been at that point. No, we've got Betty Buckley to mock. Yeah, right. Wait a second. That's the biggest thing.

Yeah. I also think that's the moment where the movie's kind of hitting into something where it's like, if you are going to try to make a B-movie, and we're not talking literally B-movie because it's a $48 million budget, but a kind of film that's that broad, right? And that is that pulpy. I want it to be them out running the wind. I want it to be like- I don't like that scene, though.

I like- Because the resolution of the scene is like the wind blows over them and nothing happens. Because they're a small enough group and it only attacks large groups. And then Wahlberg has to be like, oh, small enough group. Think of the vectors. And we're like, oh. It doesn't land at all. Like that, oh, what they needed to do was be five people or something.

It feels like little kids playing a game and they make up like a new rule. And it is, especially because we saw a four people in a car or something kill themselves right like it the rules don't make a lot of sense what are you loading no there's a line you're forgetting that's my favorite the other stuff nope absolutely not you're definitely cutting absolutely not there's a line that happens here that's my favorite line the entire film i was trying to see if i could find a verbatim but i can't but they're all yelling at him and they're like it'd be better if he cut it just because it makes people wonder what the fuck we're talking about.

If we mention it seven more times, I'm in favor of cutting it just because I think it'll be funny to not know what it is. But we have to mention it seven more times. Ben, take count. That was one out of the seven times. No, we've already mentioned it a bunch of times. We have to mention it more.

They're all yelling at Elliot, and they're like, figure it out. What's going on? They're hearing gunshots in the distance from Frank Coulison's group. And they're like, Elliot, what's going on? The winds are blowing. They're in the middle of a field. Even though Frank Coulson's group. And they're like, Elliot, what's going on? The winds are blowing. They're in the middle of a field.

Even though Frank Coulson had been like, it's probably the plants. They were like, let's go out into nature. So they're walking through the fields, right? And they're all screaming and the gunshots are going off. And Zoe Deschanel's crying. She's like, we gotta help them.

We're like those assholes who watch a crime happening. We can't prevent it. He's like, there's nothing to prevent. It's already this. And they're like, do something. Solve something. And he's like, okay, okay.

I have to treat this like a science problem. I have to create an argument. The camera's like right on his face. Right on his face. And they're like do something solve something and he's like okay okay I have to treat this like a science problem I have to create an argument the camera's like right on his face right on his face and they're like do something and he's like

give me a second to calm down I gotta do a science experiment he says give me a second like four times right and then he says oh come on do some science douchebag

he does he says the line do some science you douchebag he does say that that's the best line in the entire film I guess so

it's not like I can think of another line. It feels like the one line that acknowledges that Mark Wahlberg, the actor, thinks that science is dorky. Hey, you fucking science douchebag. Oh, so that wasn't in the script. You think that he ad-libbed that? Yeah, he was angry because he couldn't remember his lines. Mark, what are you supposed to say right now? I don't know.

Do your science, douchebag. Do some science, you douchebag. Do your science, douchebag. Do some science, you douchebag. There's another line I really like, which is when John Leguizamo is like, my best friend and his wife who I don't trust, can you please take my daughter as I go to Princeton?

Take my daughter, the one person I care about most in the world. And so Adachanel's like, okay, come with me. And she holds her hand and he goes, hey, don't take my daughter's hand unless you mean it. It's weird. It's a weird moment. He hates her so much, but you're also going to leave her with her? You want to take care of her and not hold her hand? I want to get back to this.

So they're in the field. No, I'm talking. I'm talking. Because I want to get back to this, and it's right around this moment. There's this drama about Deschanel. And there's this rift in the marriage. Then they're walking, and she's like, So I had tiramisu with M. Night Shyamalan.

And I just needed to tell you that because I think we might die. And I just wanted to tell you so I had tiramisu with M. Night Shyamalan. And I just needed to tell you that because I think we might die. And I just want to tell you, I had tiramisu with this guy Joey and nothing happened. But I did it. Yeah. And he's just like, why are you telling me this? Why are you telling me this? And then he has some response that he makes up. He admits it's made up.

I forget what it is. He says he was at a pharmacy and there was a cute woman. Completely in a, like, what's the word? Cough syrup. He said unnecessary cough syrup. Completely unnecessary cough syrup. And she's like, is that... Completely in a, like, what's the word? Cough syrup. He said unnecessary cough syrup. Completely unnecessary cough syrup. And she's like, is that true? And he's like, no. It was expensive. It was like $20. And then

after that, the problem is solved. They just kind of needed to air that out and then that's it. They still don't seem happy together. You're reading into that to their bad performances. They shouldn't be married. The way the movie is structured, they just sort of like, it's just sort of, I think maybe in his rewrites,

that was when he was like, oh, I have this killer tree movie, but I need a bit of an emotional spine, so we'll do this thing about this marriage that's kind of, like many of Shyamalan's movies, is about a marriage that's kind of fractured, and we'll get them back together.

They've also, at this point, dropped four seeds about the mood ring, right? Which feels like... Fucking mood ring! But it feels like in Shyamalan fashion, like that's the glass of water. Like the mood ring is somehow gonna help them save the day. And then the kids wanna try it? So drop one is when he goes home and he's packing

his bags, he reaches for the mood ring before he leaves. Drop two is when the daughter's freaking out, like Zamo's daughter, new girl, he's like, hey, you wanna see something fun?'s daughter, new girl, he's like, hey, you want to see something fun? Put this on. And then he's like, oh, that color means yellow, means you're about to laugh, huh? You're going to laugh, huh? You're going to laugh, huh? And he keeps on saying that to her until she laughs.

Then, after Frank calls and shoots himself and he's like, we've got to be a small group, their group is now splintered off and it's like Deschanel, Wahlberg, new girl, and two kids, one of whom is played by Spencer Breslin. Correct. The other one is played by another kid.

And the two of them are like, oh, Mood Ring. That's cool, huh? Mood Rings. Yeah, that's awesome. And he's like, oh, can I try it on? He goes, no, it has emotional value for me. Yeah. Okay, where's the Mood Ring going?

M. Night, what are you dropping here with the Mood Ring? And at the end of the film, he's like, remember on our first date when i gave you that mood ring oh well no there is a a little bit of a payoff and i might be wrong on this but i remember um that there's a point where there's a reveal of him when he's really scared and they're separated and it shows that it's yellow and it's supposed to signify that he's actually scared just like the girl was was scared earlier. Yeah. I think I'm remembering that right. Yeah. And that's when they, yeah. Come on.

If you're going to put that in the movie, do more with it. Yeah. Because after the scene we just talked about, the Hayfield scene, where they decide to be in a small group. They go to a house. No, no. First they come upon a farm and they see a guy run himself over with a giant lawnmower. Right.

Then they go to that porch. And then they go, yeah, to this porch. And they're like, let's go in there. Can I just say too, how are, what, alright, some people are standing, okay? They show like the rapid fire gunshot, they show the guy with the lawnmower, but there's, I mean, you can only kill yourself

so many ways. You can, but also, it's one guy. Why is Wahlberg's thing not working on him? The logic doesn't... We totally skipped over Jeremy Strong, who for 15 minutes

plays a nervous soldier. He essentially plays Gomer Pyre. Oh, God. Oh, my God. He's the brother from the judge. I forgot about that.

Yeah, he's the brother from the judge. And he plays a nervous, like, stuttering soldier, and he, like, when they're in the car with Frank Cullison before they split up, he's like, Oh, sir, I'm going to figure this out. And he's a good actor. He's good in the big short.

He can be a good actor. He can be catastrophic if used incorrectly. I mean, it's not his fault. It's not his fault at all. Because there's a scene where they're all driving in different directions. And they run into the army. And the army's like, can't go that way. I'm Private Ba. And I went to the base and everyone

was in the barbed wire and oh, oh, you know. But I'm not exaggerating. There's like 12 minutes that are them following him, right? And what happens to him? He shoots himself with his gun and that's what sets off the trigger of all the guys and Wahlberg doing the science equation. So now we get to the porch and he's with the two kids and the guy's like, sense of presence

knocking on the door. And he's like, come on! We got a kid! We need food. And the guy's like, Spencer Breslin's like knocking on the door. And he's like, come on, we got a kid. We need food. And Wahlberg's like, don't fucking do that. What are you doing? He's like, come on, it's a little girl. We need food. We need food.

And this guy's like, get off my porch. And Spencer Breslin's like, you asshole. Fuck you. You're a piece of shit. Spencer Breslin of Disney's The Kid. Yeah, lick a dick. Like he starts saying mean stuff to this old guy through the door, right? Yeah, and then he gets shotgunned in the chest.

Yeah, then the guy just opens the door, creaks, sticks out a shotgun, shoots him in the chest. Blows eight holes in his chest. Then his best friend is standing by the window

and is like, oh shit, my friend just died. And then you see the shotgun. You see the nozzle of a gun like the slowest. And Wahlberg's like, no! And he's like super slow-mo.

Shoots him in the back of the head. There's a shot where you can tell he's about to get shot in the head, and the kid's head's looking weird because they clearly have like... Some sort of blood pack or whatever. But then they cut before the blood pack goes off. They do. I mean, maybe they decided not to use it. So it's just one shot of a kid with a deformed skull that's clearly just a blood pack.

There might be like a millisecond of an impact. I can't... It's like hard to tell. It sort of cuts immediately as the gun fires, basically. So now these two kids are dead. We're back to just our holy trinity. You wanted violence? Well, you got two dead kids. Two child murders.

And I'll admit, like, it is a little jarring. It's a little jarring. You're like, oh, whoa, okay, okay. And it's the only real time in this movie that what you think is going to happen 30 minutes in is, yeah. Like, if he's talking about the birds and Invasion of the Body Snatchers, like, paranoia movies. That's the thing you want to get at. You'd think there'd be more of this, but there's not. Okay, but then they get to a house. There's three of them, they get to a house.

They do get to a house. Ooh, there's no electricity here. That's interesting. This house seems safe. Ooh, it's just one person. No one's coming here. What a kind old lady. No, we haven't even met the lady yet.

Oh, there's also that part where they go to a model home and they're really happy there. And they're like, oh, we got leave because other people are gonna come here. So they just leave. Yeah. I mean, there is this sense of like, there's a wave so we have to keep outrunning the wave. And they do. But no, they finally, they are deep in the wilderness when they come to Betty Buckley's house. Yeah. And then

Mark Wahlberg is looking at Betty Buckley. Yeah. Right? Yeah. That's like what it is. Yeah. He's like suddenly like, oh, there is someone here. Yeah. It's Betty Buckley. Yeah. And? Yeah. That's like what it is. Yeah. He's like suddenly like, oh, there is someone here. Yeah. It's Betty Buckley. Yeah. And she's sitting.

She seems like a kind old lady. Very quaint. She's drinking lemonade. Yeah. Her first line is, why are you eyeing my lemon drink? That's just down homie. It's weird. And he's like, I got a girl.

We need some place to sit. And she's basically like, well, I suppose I'll let you. That's the thing to do, I guess. Yeah, let you in for dinner. She hasn't heard the news because she doesn't have a radio. I don't care about the world because they don't care about me is what she says. She's a woman who. We should say Betty Buckley.

She's a famous stage actress. She won a Tony, I think. You know, she's been in many a musical. She's a famous stage actress. She won a Tony, I think. She's been in many a musical. She's a famous Broadway dame. She's playing a character with some combination of a past trauma that has scared her off of the world and severe mental illness, I was going to say. Because there's this thing. Right. What is that?

You're jumping ahead. So they have dinner. They're talking about everything. She's like, I don't care about the world, but I guess I can let you stay for the night. And it's like, okay, nice lady. And then a new girl reaches for a saucer of tea, and Betty Buckley hits her hand down full force. It's like, don't touch things that don't belong to you. And they're like, ooh, maybe red flag?

They go up to their room. They're like, okay, everything's fine. Wahlberg and Deschanel are whispering and they're like, I mean, look, she seems a little crazy but this house is in the middle of nowhere. We're safe. Then Betty Buckley shows up in the doorframe and is like, why are you whispering about me? And they're like, calm down, lady.

It's fine. We're just whispering. Whatever. They sleep, right? I guess so. The next morning, Mark Wahlberg looks for her. He goes into her bedroom. It's a lot of Jesus paintings. He looks in the bed. He's like, Mrs. Fields or whatever her name is. He's like, Mrs. Buckley?

Mrs. Jones. Mrs. Jones? Mrs. Jones? Then he looks down and there's the creepiest doll in the world lying above the covers on a bed. The creepiest life-size doll you've ever seen. The number one creepiest doll I've ever seen. It almost looks like a woman lying on a bed

wearing some sort of fake mask. I would say it looks like... Because the eyes look submerged, like the woman is behind something. I would say it looks like the wooden version of a real doll, like a sex doll. Sure. And it almost seems to be making eye contact

with the camera, like it's trapped. And you're like, okay, where the fuck am I? And you're just like, what is going on? What's going on now? What's he setting up? And Betty Buckley just goes like, what are you doing here? Don't sell my things. Get out of my house.

And then that's just done. And then she just gets the toxin and kills herself. Yeah. But what her deal was, why she had a doll on the bed, now that's clear. Now, she did mention during dinner that they used to use the house to store slaves, to hide them out, to get, like, an underground railroad thing. So they had a cabin that they had

connected to the house, and there's some sort of tunnel you can use to talk to people through the tube. So even though the house is across the field, you can... At this point, I'm zoning out, but I'm like, oh, I guess this is gonna matter. Because there's no way they'd tell us all this shit. So Wahlberg's freaking out.

She's smashing her head through the window because she is the toxin. The air is coming through. The winds are blowing. And Wahlberg's like, I got to find, hey, Alma, Jess, Alma, Jess. And he can't find them, and he freaks out. He closes himself in a bathroom, and he locks the door, right? Because she's being responsible by taking the kid out of the house and wandering around outside.

He doesn't know that until this moment. Yeah, but why would she even do that? Because she's an idiot. Ugh. Movie. He hears giggling, looks over. They're in the barn where the slaves used to be. He has a direct pipeline to them.

He starts talking to them and is like, I'm sorry. Yeah, Zoe and the girl are in one side. He's in the other. Remember the mood ring? Oh, I got the mood ring. I mean, at this point, you're just like, just die already. I'm so out on this movie. You had blue.

I thought it meant love, but it actually meant horny. And then they're like crying and laughing together. And he was like, no, you know what? Fuck this. If I'm going to die, I'm going to die in my wife's arms. So he gets out of the house and starts walking towards her, even though the winds are blowing, right? And I think she also comes to him. With the girl!

He's like, hey, little girl, do you wanna commit suicide with me? It's over. Come on, it's over. They don't know that, though. They don't know that because 30 seconds earlier, Mrs. Jones had walked out, and he was like, it can affect one person. It's gotten so specific, it can kill one person. That happened just, like, within minutes, he was like, it can affect one person. It's gotten so specific it can kill one person. That happened just

within minutes. He was like, it's evolved. It can hit one person now. It doesn't have to be a group. Makes no sense, by the way. Makes no sense. It's already killed one person. Plenty of time. We saw that. We saw that. But then they walk out and they're both... Oh, and guess what? It's fine. They're fine and they just hug and it's over for

no clear reason. Great. Love conquers all. Yeah, they're fine and then we see a TV report where it's like a scientist being like, whoa, it's like a red tide in an ocean where it's like it happens and then it stops and it's like a warning. It happenings. Yeah. And could happen again. Yeah. Oh, who knows?

And then we cut to like they're now now she's got a baby on the way. They're happy. Jess is now an adopted daughter and she's going to school. Mark Wahlberg is teaching about science. And then we cut to the Tuileries in Paris.

And I think, does everyone sort of freeze for a second? Great. Great and nice. The re-happ freeze for a second? Yes. Yeah. Great. Oh! Great and nice. Dun, dun, dun! The re-happening? It's such a shrug. What were you trying to do?

Yeah, the whole movie feels like him just, it feels very cynical. It feels like him not playing to the top of intelligence. This should be his bounce back movie. This should be his signs, like another signs, where it's like, oh, you may, but he used all his tricks maybe. I'm not sure why this is such a ballad.

But when he said, like, I'm just trying to make the best B-movie ever, it feels to me like him being like, I'm just going to try to make some stupid movie that you people like. Well, he's making a thriller. But his mistake is like, oh, did you want like a little bit of gory violence? Okay. Give you a little.

It's not much. Do you want me to double down on that like broken marriage thing I made in all my movies but cast two people who never should have been married in the first place? Here's my question though. Who is he asking? I know these rhetorical questions. Does M. Night have like industry friends or like I kind of feel like

for whatever reason he strikes me as this guy who's just on his own fucking island. He's in Philly. He's not in Hollywood. He's just like very much just lost by like reading into this film. What is this? What is happening? This is the start of his movie's feeling very first draft.

Lady in the Water 2 feels like he had an idea. He didn't do the work. He didn't do the work to make it fit together to really hit your theme. Lady in the Water is him still having so much power that he can just write a thing and just not have an editor. Now this he apparently rewrote. Which makes no sense because the script still feels like a first draft to me. And I wonder what the changes that people wanted were. I also think-

My guess would be that he spliced in this sort of, this more emotional story. Like, you know, the first thing was the green attack thing. But I almost feel like I'd rather the movie that doesn't have the emotional story where it's like, establish a group. Like, don't make it center around one character. Make it like the blob and make it like, here are 20 people and they're just on the run. It's like a zombie movie. Like Don't make it center around one character. Make it like The Blob, and make it like, here are 20 people,

and they're just on the run. It's like a zombie movie. One by one, they're dying off. The Blob's a good example. The Fog is a great example. But you know what The Fog does? Ends sad. Yeah.

And has a lot of that sort of paranoia, like people pointing guns at each other, people turning on each other. I think this movie needs to end sad. I think it needs to have people turning on each other from the beginning. I think it needs to be about how we brought this upon ourselves think this movie needs to end sad. I think it needs to have people turning on each other from the beginning. I think it needs to be about how we brought this upon ourselves. This movie needs to end with everybody on earth dead.

Yeah. And then just like fucking wind blowing through the trees. But the way to set up this movie is give us 12 fun characters at the beginning. Have them all cross paths and then one by one watch them die. Now I want to say something. Yeah. I want to quote the poet laureate's own words. Oh my god.

The text that we received? The text that I received at uh I think it was on a Monday. Yeah. From Benjamin Hosley. Is your full name Benjamin? I actually have no idea. Yeah it is. James? Ben James Hosley? This is at

McCormick. Oh fuck I always at McCormick 4.53pm on March 8th Oh just a March afternoon Okay weird thing The happening was kind of fun Yeah alright So you want So

Maybe just low expectations Yeah for sure for sure and like I mean there are elements of it that you know the campy elements we've kind of already pointed out but like I'll say honestly what I really liked about this movie and like like had some redemption

for me was the kind of video art moments of this film like and I say video art in the kind of video art moments of this film. And I say video art in the sense of, like, it was kind of striking to see the people freezing and walking backwards. That shit is really interesting.

And I like that scene. I think it's the final scene in France, right, where it's like they keep repeating the line. That's cool. It's a cool thing. Yeah. And so, like, even, like? Where it's like they keep repeating the line. That's cool. It's a cool thing. Yeah. And so like, even like with David's point of like,

the movie should have ended with the whole world dying and just like tumbleweed. Sure. I almost kind of would have loved to see this like in a like very artsy tree, like his tree of life. Yeah. You know? Sure.

But yeah, I kind of, I don't know. Fuck it. I liked it. I'm okay. Maybe that is the right way to do it. life yeah you know sure but uh yeah i kind of i don't know fuck it i like look maybe that maybe that is the right way to do it like i i think look we in like 13 sentences just fix the entire movie like we threw out the like the 12 things you would need to do in order to make this movie work as like more successfully as a thriller as an emotional store all these things right yeah but i i also think like the ending it has to be is everyone dying because there's no way they can beat the happening. And if the happening just stops, it feels like, well, fuck you. Why did it stop?

Yeah. I mean, which, to be fair, War of the Worlds has the same thing where it's just kind of like. And it pisses me off in War of the Worlds. I like War of the Worlds a lot more, but I don't like when that happens. In War of the Worlds, there's at least a suggestion of why they get sick. And this is just like, well, it stopped, but it could come back. War of the Worlds there's at least a suggestion of like why you know they get sick and this is just like well it stopped but it could come back War of the Worlds is also aliens like it's easier to stop a force that has a brain

you know but I also think that the way he could have ended this movie was everyone fucking dies in America and then you cut to France and that France ending actually has some like weight to it because it's like okay it's going to go country by country rather than just being like here's another

place like it felt like systematically America's done and now every other country has their shot to like fight this thing I think that would kind of be a cool ending I think the beginning's great I think the ending is okay with a different middle and I think everything that

happens in between the second scene and the last scene. Once Wahlberg appears. Yeah. Yeah. But then you've got fucking moments where Mark Wahlberg's talking to the plant. Oh, I do. Oh, that's actually not a bad scene. I forgot about the scene.

It's highly entertaining. I believe it's when they go into the model home. Yes. He walks up to a plant and he starts being like, okay, we don't mean you any harm. We're a small group. And then he realizes it's a plastic plant because this is a model home. Yeah. And then.

He's like, what am I doing? Talking to a plastic plant? Still doing it. Yeah. Good scene. It's really good. But also funny and using Wahlberg's kind of silly delivery to its advantage, but doesn't help when you've already been

amused by Wahlberg's silly delivery for an hour. It's subversive. It's like just being kind of a little humor moment. But in Science, he kills it with that. He's constantly cutting the tension with Gibson and the walk goofing

off, right? and it feels like these are two actors who have enough control of like tone as performers that they're able to like make it tense and then cut that tension with like a fake out that actually is funny and the audience is laughing and screaming in equal measures in this movie that already feels laughable when that scene starts it isn't until the last line that you realize oh this is meant to be funny like this is meant to be a like this is meant to be a joke because the opening part of him reasoning with a plant until you get to the plastic reveal feels like i guess this is where that movie is going like this is just that movie now wants to

have a dude talk to a plant 101 and maybe that's the next 20 minutes is like walberg negotiating with fauna by fauna you know all? All right, I thought about it. I will, this is what I'll say to speak to my point or my text. And I guess the one thing I really liked about this is I was like, this was a cool thing that he thought of one day. Sure. And he went about trying to make it happen. And I kind of see some glimpse of maybe the better moments of that,

but it's mostly just shit. I'll say, I mean, I watched this movie while cleaning my apartment. I was, you know, I don't think it's good, but it didn't anger me. That's the thing. It's not like Lady in the Water where you're baffled and confused and frustrated and

crying. Yeah, this is just kind of a shitty movie. It's like a two-star movie. It feels like such a fart. Yeah, it's a bit of a fart. It's a windy fart. It's like a two-star movie. It feels like such a fart. Yeah, it's a bit of a fart. It's a windy fart. It's a windy fart through the leaves. But think about it. This is his third flop in a row.

Obviously, I don't think The Village is a flop. By some standards, it was. The common consensus was, yes. And so he made a movie that was a twist movie that had gotten everyone mad. Then he made The Lady in the Water. How do you put that in a box? You can't. You can't.

But he made that. Lady in the Water happened. Yeah. And then he makes this. Yeah. And according to Hollywood logic, this should be the movie that kind of gets him back on track. Yeah. That at least makes enough money and kind of is just like-

And 30 million opening wasn't bad, but then it ended up, I think, in the 50s. It didn't even double its opening weekend. Let me find it. I think at most it did $60 total, but it was like a thing where... Here's what I think. I think if you look it up... It ended with $64. Okay.

Can you do me a favor? You're in Mojo. It made $163 worldwide. Fine. Can you go to Daily Box Office? I believe it made a disproportionate amount of its box office on the first day. Made $13 million on Friday, which is pretty good.

Second day? $10. Okay. Third day? $7. The drop's already happening. It is. Now, usually it's Friday. Saturday is bigger. Saturday is bigger, and then Sunday is a drop from both. Right. That's typical. I believe the classic box office multiplier is 10 of your opening day.

Yes. So obviously the Sunder did that. Yeah. So, yeah. We're keeping those numbers in, though, correct? Yeah, but we're going to cut out the other bullshit. Okay. I agree, but we're not going to tell people what that was.

We're going to keep in all the mentions of cutting it out. Yeah, but not the initial thing that he did that sucked. So we're going to cut out the two things I said, but not explain to anyone what they were. Okay. But let them know that they weren't offensive. No, right? They were just boring. Right.

It wasn't like when you did that horrible Asian accent last week, which you did not cut out. I kept that in. Per my request, you should have cut it out. And in fact, i sent more audio to ben and he dropped it into the podcast he put more of it in this is true no no i'm sorry i'm overstating uh classically it is a 3.0 is your classic multiplier of your friday so it did about that yeah yeah it was a hard drop um and and i also think i mean look i was i was angry seeing it in theaters because at this point in time i was still an mnh fan you know i felt like burned

but i was still a fan and there was this like the second weekend's a 70 66 drop off so it's not great yeah yeah i at this point would still go into the theater and be like maybe he makes another six cents do you know what i'm saying and now i watch it and I know it isn't the Sixth Sense. And I was just kind of like, fine, whatever. Yeah, no, it's not a letdown. It's short. It's his shortest movie. It's an hour and a half.

Tight 90. And, you know, apart from some, like, brief, gory violence, like, there's not a lot that really stays with you. No, but those couple images are really good. They are. It's frustrating that they're in the wrong movie. Or he didn't build the right movie around them. But when you compare this movie to The Sixth Sense, which is so beautifully composed, you know.

And also a great concept. And I think he's like, you're seeing this again. I think this is a solid concept. I agree too. I think there's a really good movie in this. And I think there's scenes where he gets at it. I think the idea is great. And I think we pretty much explained all the different ways he could have made it work.

And it's like he made the one wrong decision every step of the way. Yeah. So now, I don't like to talk about the Golden Raspberries. But this is like the lady in the water. He had one best or worst director and worst supporting actor. Okay. And we admit they're a stupid organization. I don't like the Golden Raspberries.

I think they're just a little too... But whatever. It doesn't... They do tend to be a measure of what was press-wise seen as the big bombs of the year. Now, he doesn't win worst picture director. Okay. Because The Love Guru came out that year. Oh, boy.

And that's the Razzie... Which is... Talk about a blank check movie. The Love Guru. We might have to do an episode on... Have you ever seen The Love Guru? out that year. Oh, boy. And that's the Razzie, which is, talk about a blank check movie, The Love Guru. Yeah, we might have to do an episode on the Love Guru. Have you ever seen The Love Guru? I have not. I have not either. Never seen it.

I revere A.O. Scott's review of it in the New York Times as one of the best reviews of a bad film I've ever seen. It's an incredibly bad, great review of a bad movie. His review of the first Thor is incredible, too. Yeah, no, he's a great writer. review of a bad movie. His review of the first Thor is incredible too. No, he's a great writer. But still, this is his second movie in the row that is prominent at the

Golden Raspberries. It covers its budget. It's not a flop-flop like The Lady in the Water. But not great. The next one's gotta be good, right? And this is when people start talking about him for Life of Pi. He wanted to make Life of Pi really badly.

That's when that was floating around. He had signed on a couple years earlier than that. I believe he signed on for Life of Pi 2004, but it was nebulous. It was always bubbling. Like, oh, maybe he'll make it. Because it's like, here's a movie about religion, with an Indian protagonist. He's the one bank of Indian director. With a lot of magical realism, with a lot of technical sort of aspects.

Like, surely this will be the movie that Shyamalan sort of bounces back with. Of course, he never ends up making it. Instead, his next project is a huge budget CGI fiasco that we will get to. Yes. $150 million movie. That'll be our episode next week. I have locked in our guest. We have a time.

He is undoubtedly going to be on the show. Comedian and actor Seton Smith is going to be our guest on our episode of covering The Last Airbender. Ben, what do you have to say? I just feel bad for Seton, but he's a good sport that he's watching this movie. Seton's a great guy, and let's say this.

We're not big Avatar fans. It's based on the cartoon. Avatar The Last Airbender. They had to change the title because it came out right after Avatar. Seton is a big fan of the cartoon show. He's based on the cartoon. Avatar, The Last Airbender. They had to change the title because it came out right after Avatar. Seton is a big fan of the cartoon show. So he's going to kind of represent that faction. I have seen Avatar and I think it's terrific. I just never committed.

It's like, you know, you got to watch on Twitter. Yeah. So Seton has agreed to come in because much like the Lorax, he wants to speak for the airbenders. You know, he wants to defend. He's a classic blank check guy. Yeah. Because it's like, the point I'm trying to make is like, swing and I miss. He wants to defend He's a classic blank check guy. The point

I'm trying to make is swing and a miss. He gets Lady in the Water. Swing and a miss. Huge one. Swing and a miss and he throws the bat into the face of the manager. He gets another one. Swing and a miss. What if they give him a $150 million great piece of intellectual

property? A tentpole. Make us a tentpole. This is his first adaptation of another person's material. First adaptation of something that's hugely popular. It's a kids movie. Let him work in that Spielberg vein. I've never seen The Last Bear Bender and I know we're going to talk about it last week but it is crazy that they gave him that movie and that

he blew it so hard not only in the making of the film but like in the casting to the point that like it is like symbolic of everything wrong with Hollywood's approach. Agre. To the point that it is symbolic of everything wrong with Hollywood's approach. Agreed. And we'll talk about all of that next week. We will. It's crazy. I'd like to throw another episode that I pitched right before we started

here. Batman v Superman Dawn of Justice, which none of us are excited for, but I think we all agree looks like a real blank check movie in a lot of ways, is coming out at the end of this month and has been announced that in New York City, they're going to open at the Union Square Theater

a screen with a new Korean technology called 4DX, where during the movie, it's not only in 3D, but they rumble your seat and they shoot fog, rain, lightning, and smells. I don't think they shoot lightning at you. It says they're lightning effects in the theater. Oh, so it's like flashing. Right, there's like lightning, fog, rain, wind,

smells, and vibrations. And I believe we're going to go, the three of us, the two friends and Ben, who is our friend, are going to go see Dawn of Justice in that technology. That's the current plan. Yeah, let's do it. And review both the movie and 4DX which sounds like... Sounds stupid. Future movies.

I want to smell my movies. So yeah, we might do that. So that's been... What was the other blank check movie we were just talking about? Oh, The Love Guru. We'll do The Love Yeah. So that's been, yeah. And wait, what was the other Blank Check movie we were just talking about?

Oh, The Love Guru. The Love Guru. We'll do The Love Guru sometime in the future. We also still have to do Hulk and the Hulk. That's on the horizon. Yeah, there's a lot of things we gotta do. Look, we'll keep doing them. Yeah.

And well, you know what? Let's announce this, because you posted on Twitter. I posted on Twitter. Yeah. And it's topical now. Breaking news. Our next,

because we're nearing the end of Shyamalan. We got a bonus episode or two after we're done with The Visit which is his last film we only have three films left so we're not almost done with Shyamalan but hopefully we'll knock it out pretty soon right but our next miniseries is going to be The Wachowskis yeah we're gonna do the films The Wachowskis

and it's gonna be a little different from this because I love every single film that The Wachowskis have ever made I love most of them. But I do think it's like, this one's been more of a critical. Yeah. It's hard not to be critical of Henry Chablon of course but I feel like a lot of people are critical

of the Wachowskis but I'm going to be. No, both of us are big defenders and I think we're going to be trying to figure out why they never connected with audiences again. Sure. But in our minds they've been doing good work. They made one movie that was this big cultural phenomenon and then they never connected with audiences again. Sure. But in our minds, they've been doing good work. They made one movie that was this big cultural phenomenon, and then they never hit into that zeitgeist again,

but I think all their films are interesting at the least and great at the best. All their films are fascinating. Could I say this? Do you at least give them credit for always going big? Oh, they go big. Do they go big? They go big. Yes, they do. You know what The Happening should go big? They go big. They do.

You know what the happening should have had? Like a big tree. It's all these little fucking trees and blades of grass and plants. If they started growing. Yeah. Yeah. And they started getting really big and making humans feel like they're smaller than them. And then they start singing numbers from Little Shop of Horrors.

Yeah, that's a fucking cool movie. Can I throw something out? You know who I think would have been good in the Mark Wahlberg role? Tobey Maguire. Yeah, he... I think that good Tobey Maguire would have been good. It's just we're so far from that now. He doesn't even do movies anymore.

There have been so many bad Tobey Maguire performances. And his great Gatsby performance is so... Him looking at the camera and kind of making faces. And like that's what I'm just imagining him in the happening. Well, I think this is the end of this episode because we're now just hanging out on microphone. Yeah, we'll just hang out for a bit longer, but we don't need to do it on mic. We can stop recording. Thank you all for listening.

But we are going to cut out all that stuff that you said. So it will be a little shorter. Yes, that's true. So we're going to cut like that's like 45 minutes. We're going to cut out all that stuff that you said. So it will be a little shorter. Yes, that's true. So we're going to cut like, that's like 45 minutes. We're going to cut out all that bullshit. I think it's like 45 minutes we can remove. And let's make it clear once again that nothing I said was problematic.

It was just deeply boring. No. Yeah. So please send us your theories about what I said during the missing chunk of this episode. Hashtag the missing chunk. Ah, hashtag the missing chunk.

Please tweet at us. Send us your burger reports to the two friends. Blank checkpod on Twitter, blankcheckpodcast at gmail.com. I'm in such a weird mood today. We are in an odd mood. I'm like a balloon that all the air has been let out of. I've been so tense for three weeks,

and now I just have nothing left because I've been running on only anxiety. You're good. I'm great. I'm feeling happy. You're good. Anxiety's been my battery for so long that I don't know what to do now.

Please keep listening. Rate, review, subscribe to not only our podcast but other podcasts on the UCB Comedy Network. Thank you. Anytime. And yeah, next week,

Last Airbender with Seton Smith, the great comedian who is here to defend the cartoon show and explain why the film was a poor adaptation of a great piece of source material. So look forward to that. And as always,

keep smelling your movies. This has been a UCB Comedy Production. Check out our other shows on the UCB Comedy Podcast Network.