Blank Check with Griffin & David - The Holiday with Fran Hoepfner

Episode Date: November 4, 2018

Writer, Fran Hoepfner joins Griffin and David to discuss 2006’s house swap rom-com, The Holiday. But Is foreplay really overrated? Was John Krasinski in The Holiday the Adam Driver of Lincoln of 2006? Is Garden State the most iconic New Jersey movie because they go to Medieval Times and yell at a ditch? Together, they examine the careers of Cameron Diaz, Kate Winslet, Jack Black and Jude “Daddy” Law; Christmas in England; loving movie scores enough to make gibberish sounds in public places and Venom being SO rude. Plus, another Romilly’s Kitchen Corner, the classic segment ‘Checking in with Fran’ and ALOT of Eli Wallach talk. This episode is sponsored by [ZipRecruiter](http://www.ziprecruiter.com/blank), [eLiquid.com](http://www.eliquid.com/check30) (CODE: CHECK30) and [Legacy Box](http://www.legacybox.com/check)! Music selections: “Family Tree” by [Jahzzar](http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Jahzzar/) “Weather Scanning” by [Lindsheaven Virtual Plaza](http://ailanthusrecordings.bandcamp.com) Licensed under [Creative Commons: Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International License](https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/).

okay i'm sorry i didn't mean to podcast you twice and then linger a long time on the second podcast boob graze no that's the kiss oh that's the kiss same joke with him twice oh i know that quote sucks but every other quote on this page is one of kate winslet's three page monologues uh right right right right just uh her being like i'm the most miserable person alive. Right. I'm a pathetic worm like that. Also, or an Arthur line where he's like, back in my day, movies were black and white. Now they're color.

They don't make pictures like they used to for his computers. Every movie's got a computer in it now. Back then, pictures used to star Claudette Colbert. Now Claudette Colbert is dead. She's deceased. Oh, wow.

You know this guy's a veteran because of these deep insights. Back then, a movie used to make a million dollars. Now it makes a hundred million dollars. It's almost like inflation has happened in the century that i've been alive century that this movie's been running back then a picture used to be the lumiere brothers setting up a camera filming people leaving the factory now a picture is the holiday oh great great back then a movie used to be a book it had pages and writing in it because cameras didn't exist oh my god now movie star jack black

now more than ever now more than ever back then movies didn't have clocks in their walls. The clock would be outside of the wall. Mounted, perhaps. The clock was on the wall. Not in the wall. Back then, the world didn't have enough heroes. Now the world has had enough heroes. Venom in theaters this October. What iferon meets him in a post-credit

scene and she's like you should do trailer vo for me right in the world back in my day the world did not people it had dinosaurs do you know that eli wallach lived an additional eight years after this movie do you want to hear something insane yeah the way i first knew of Eli Wallach and my frame of reference for him is that he performed at my day camp when I was nine. Camp doc.

Is he like testing this character? Did he give a keynote address about how he fucking went to school with Jesus or whatever? I am realizing his character is just Alan Schirmer from Wet Hot American Summer. That's what I'm saying. Right. But secondly, this was like a day camp I went.

I know people hate when I talk about summer camp, but this is a different camp. This was a day camp I went to. Precious Children Day Camp or whatever it was called. It was called Professor X's. Professor X's? Oh, yeah, sure. For very special, very big boys.

But they would always, like, after lunch, we'd have to go to, like, a performance that was usually super fucking boring. And some guy would get up and he'd be like, I was fifth string cellist in the Philadelphia Harmonic in 1974. And then he would just play the cello, right? Okay. And the only one that was ever good was Eli Wallach and his wife came and performed. Oh, nice. And I said to my mom, like, oh. What did they do, like, waiting for Godot?

They, like, talked about the craft of acting and they did a bunch of scenes. I forget, like, what they were, but I remember being, like, a fucking laugh riot. And I said to my mom, like, they finally had a good performance today. She was like, who was it? I was like, some old guy named Eli Wallach and she was like screen legend eli wallach himself is touring summer camps and it was just like i love acting so much i want to share it with the children uh and jackson that's his wife and his wife just they died like the same year they're like one of those couples that were married for a gazillion years. It was like lovely.

Yeah, I feel like this was the beginning of a couple attempts of people trying to get Eli Wallach a legacy Oscar and all of them were bad. What's the other one? I think he got a legacy Emmy. He got an honorary lifetime, I believe, right before he died.

But I think everyone was looking for the career achievement, besting Actor nod because he's never gotten it. Never gotten an Oscar nominant. Should have been this. I think this was clearly written to be like in Nancy's mind an Oscar for him. Wall Street Money Never Sleeps,

I think was Oliver Stone sort of trying to do the same thing. He's got like a big scene in that. Yeah, I mean, and he pops up. He popped up and yeah, he's in The Ghost Rider. He plays Old Man. He pops up in Studio 60 on The Sunset Strip. Oh, Jesus Christ. Playing like almost the exact same character,

except this character was like on The Blacklist. And he's the character they parody on 30 Rock. Yes. The Tim Conway, right? He's like, back in my day, you know, the ladies used to, whatever. He's like racist. That was the sandwich girl.

We called her that because two men would stand on either. Right. Right. That's Eli Wallach. Also on Wikipedia, Mr. Freeze actor, preceded by Otto Preminger, succeeded by Arnold Schwarzenegger. He is one of three freezes. Yeah. There were three freezes on the Batman TV show because the first one was George Saunders.

Yes, correct. And then it was Otto Preminger and then Eli Wallach. Yep. Anyway, of course, this is a podcast about Eli Wallach.

The Wallcast. Yes. The house with a clock and it's Wallach? Yeah. Thank you. Walking the walk. Oh.

I jest, of course. This is Blank Check with Griffin and David I'm Griffin Newman we're hashtag the two friends it's a competitive advantage we're going to tour summer camps doing it and this is a podcast about filmography I'll do it if there's money in it

I know do you know that David has become a money monster he has become the titular character of Jodie Foster's is it Jodie Foster made that 2016 movie money monster wow I've erased that movie

I saw that film in the theater and reviewed it who was well George Clooney was the money monster wow Jack O'Connell

was the the hostage took the money monster hostage and Julia Roberts was in the control room so he's the real monster well I think society is the real monster in that one I don't want to say his name because I don't want to make this a legal thing

but my friend literally fucking wrote money monster in film school except it was the Howard Stern show instead of Jim Cramer and like a year later his screenwriting teacher sold

Money Monster okay let's make sure we can say that on this but yeah okay I think you were big enough

look I didn't name people sure well there's only three credited writers of Money Monster okay but yes okay cool

so fuck that movie anyway this is a podcast about filmographies, directors who have massive success early on in their career and give a series of blank checks to make whatever crazy project they want. And sometimes those checks clear and sometimes they exchange houses, baby. Yeah. This is a main series on the films of Nancy Meyers. It's called Something's Podcast.

And today we're talking the holiday. Now, here's a story about our guest today who's spoken on mic because she's good. Who did not have to be flown in from a different city anymore. Well, that's a big point because last time she had to be flown in with Ansel Elgort and it cost us a lot of money.

But I don't think she knows the story. We, maybe a month or two after the last time she was on the show for our aliens episode went in for a very big business meeting where we were trying to sell the podcast and

the person we were meeting with was looking at all of our data and he said whoever you had on the aliens episode you should have that person on every week because of how big our number spike was. And we're such good businessmen that it took us two and a half years to have her on again. Yeah. Do you remember that?

He said, like, you've got to have her on again. We love money. We love money. David's a money monster. Recent East Coast. Well, you already were on the East Coast. No. But tri-state area.

She wasn't. No, this is Midwest. She was in the middle. Oh, correct. Born and raised, yeah. Correct. New in town. The point is Fran Hoffner's in town.

Thank you. Yes. I got relocated here now by the podcast, and I'm here forever. Right. Yeah, you're in the blank check mansion. We followed a motion transfer. Yes.

Right. Yeah. In the dorms, yeah. Yeah, you just cool your heels check mansion transfer yes right yeah um and you just in the dorms yeah yeah you just cool your your heels there until we need you let's talk holiday cameron diaz is living in your apartment in chicago that's true and she can't believe how rustic things are oh no the tub it's small everything is everything is made of stone she falls in love with my neighbors that I had a nice haircut once. It's all good.

But not your brother? I guess your brother is elsewhere. No, he's in Chicago now. Well, there it is. Tell him to look out for Cameron. She's on the prowl. I will. This movie is weird because it's the one Nancy movie that doesn't feel like a blink check.

It feels like her trying to make a down the line. This feels less personal than all her other movies. When I say personal, I don't mean autobiographical. doesn't feel like a blank check it feels like her trying to make a down the line like this feels less personal than all her other movies and i when i say personal i don't mean autobiographical yes and no all the other nancy movies feel like her grappling with like this notion what you're saying is this is the one movie without a middle-aged character in it everyone in it is either like you know in their 30s or 1 000 years old no that's one element but the other thing is the bigger thing for me is this is the only one post what women want but she doesn't write that's really based on like a sort of high concept gimmick yeah like

it's mostly about this one has a gimmick the device of the movie than it is about the character dynamic it's also and we will talk about this, her trying out four actors that all of them it feels like she's like trying them out. Yes. You know, like, ooh, maybe they'd be a fun person to put in a movie. But I feel like all other Nancy movies feel like they stem from, here's

an interesting idea for a relationship or a dynamic. Like, it's character first. And this movie feels like it starts with, oh, what if two people swap lives? The intern's kind first. Sure. And this movie feels like it starts with oh what if two people swap lives? The intern's kind of high concept too though because like

interns are usually young not old. Agreed but then you see the movie and it's actually just about that dynamic that she clearly wants to write. Interns are usually in their 20s.

I know. Not in their I forget how old he is 70s? How old is he in the movie? Yeah. He's starting over though.

I guess you're right. This is a blank check. There's also another big high concept hook to this movie, which is what if for two hours and 15 minutes, I gave audiences across the world a brief glimpse into the eye of Satan? You stare directly in the eye. So we brought Fran on board because Fran like many people

is a fan of the film The Holiday I feel like it's reputation has grown exponentially in like the last five years because this movie was her like least successful at the time of its release it didn't do great it was super expensive

it was incredibly expensive it did fine worldwide so I think it I don't think anyone was really sweating but yes it does not do as well as the movies around it something's got to give a nip. I think this was kind of viewed as a skimmer and in the last couple

years I feel like people stand for it so fucking hard. I also feel like Love Actually sort of dipped in public reputation. Maybe this is sort of dipped yeah in public reputation maybe this is awful right unlike this movie which is perfect love actually is worse than the holiday i'm here no question i hate love actually love actually is yeah but i think like a bath of acid everyone turned on love actually and i was like well what do we have that still has British people and is quietly about Christmas I think it's also just that

as newer people enter the zeitgeist you know people who maybe saw this movie when they were teenagers are now like old enough

because time marches on as Eli Wallach can tell us yeah and so they're like the holiday I've liked that movie

since I was like 10 years old like I love the holiday the holiday is great it liked that movie since I was like 10 years old. Like, I love the holiday. The holiday is great. It's been in rotation on cable or what, you know, like it's just sort of in there now. Back in my day, the year was 1945. Now the year is 2005.

I could not make that joke. I know you kept on talking and I was just waiting for the opening because I could not make that joke. I'm fine with you making an unlimited amount of that joke today. That is as deep as his perception on how things have changed. He gives a fucking keynote address about how the past was better. Right. Yeah, exactly. We're like opening weekends in my day. Opening year was the metric.

But, but Fran, I have to disagree with you here. I don't think he ever argues that the past was better. I think he just continually argues that it was different. It was different. He never makes judgments.

He never explains why one was better than the other. She does ask if it was as good or like was it really all that it lived up to and he goes it was better.

But in relation to her notion of it not in relation to the past. Back in my day you'd have one movie every seven months now it's seven movies every one month go fuck yourself he doesn't really have a complaint and it's not like he's saying like why don't i get work anymore he knows that he's 90 like he's not like trying to sell a script no and he doesn't like he's not like he doesn't remember where he lives he hates writing he doesn't want to get a lifetime achievement award all right when we meet him he doesn't like

he barely knows who he is he's like ripped torn like accidentally robbing a bank right after that he's basically fine he has trouble with stairs that's about it right like apart from that he's basically compost matches he can tell you all the things about how it was and well it's the social interaction sure kate winslet's character iris that really brings him back to life everything checks the hell out in the holiday no because it is you're introduced to him on the side of the road and you're like oh this is some david fincher every knot is tied yes um it is meticulously plotted film when you're introduced to him and he's like a man who doesn't remember where he lives on the side of the highway or whatever, you're just like, oh fuck, is this movie going to have a

dementia subplot with a man who barely knows his own name? And then she's like, do you know where you live? And he's like, no, do you? And she goes, yeah. And he goes, that makes one of us. And then from then on, he just speaks in funny little musings. And he's totally coherent

and remembers the past vividly. A little too vividly. Too vividly. He's got no take on it. Old people can have flare-ups and get confused. That's true. It's sort of like The Visit.

Maybe he was sundowning. Yeah. Yeah. In The Visit. I wish there was a scene where Eli Wallach rubbed his diaper in Kate Winslet's face in this movie.

Remember The Visit? Yeah. We got to watch that again. Yeah, we do. Let's just go back. Let's take another visit. Did I tell you the crazy thing that's come up recently? That Romilly, my sister, who is a young person.

Sure. On paper, she is. I don't know. In terms of the year she's been alive yeah exactly right according to science she's the young person right but most pointedly was less than year old when the sixth sense came out has never heard of the sixth sense and thus has not had the twist ending ruined for her and doesn't know it has a twist ending she doesn't even know that it has a twist ending like she was talking about hereditary and i was like yeah it's like another great tony collette struggles with her family in ghost movies sure

right and she's like what's the other one i was like six cents and she's like what's the six cents that's cool and i was like no one's told you the ending of the six cents and she's like why something happened at the end and i'm so excited to fucking watch the six cents with her apparently the one person alive who hasn't caught all the jokes about The Sixth Sense. Good for her. She's always cooking. She's always cooking. That's my impression.

Yeah, it's a great impression. Ding dong. Ding dong. Ding dong. Can you get the door, Griffin? Do you hear something off in the distance? Dun, dun, dun. Dun, dun, dun.

It's getting closer. Dun, dun, dun. Dun, dun, dun. Dun, dun, dun. Dun, dun, dun. Dun, dun, dun. the distance uh oh my god do you know ben do you see who it is no hello white nick fury hi white nick fury no judgment i'm just saying i am that canon the marvel 616 comic White Nick Fury. Hi, White Nick Fury. No judgment. I'm just saying I am that canon, the Marvel 616 comic version of Nick Fury. Well, welcome to the studio. You know, Ben, there was an idea. Uh-huh. To put together a team of extraordinary people.

Sure. Okay. For the greatest ad read of all time. Okay. And so you're here. ZipRecruiter sponsoring this episode, are they not? Yeah, they are. When you want to put together a team.

Uh-huh. Okay, I see where we're going. Of extraordinary people. Sure. Like I, White Nick Fury, want to do for ad read infinity war. Well, great. Hey. Dun-a-na, dun-a-na, dun-a-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na. Ora! for ad read infinity war well great hey okay you thought i was dead here in the corner oh god albacino detective will dormer or yeah

will dormer sleeping on a pile of garbage yeah yeah i know you're here all the time i keep telling you to leave the studio hello uh. Hi. Perhaps you remember me. Rich Uncle Moneybags. People call me Pennybags. I have a stinky butt. Okay, yes. Sure. Out of the way.

Out of the way. Perhaps you remember me. No. Christopher Plummer. I replaced Rich Uncle Moneybags. Yes. With his stinky. Hello.

I am Robert Kopp. Good friend of griffin canonically we have to be quiet you see who just invaded the studio yes it's a snorlax oh okay right he's so he's so tired ben okay i'll make this i'll! It's me, Flat Stanley! Everyone remembers me, a popular character! Hello! It's me, the ghost of Julia Child! Oh my god, alright, well listen, thank you... Ding dong, ding dong! Okay.

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Okay, great. Here are six other serial characters. I'm not going to have time. There's not enough room in the studio for this. Suffering Thucatash. All the Looney Tunes are here. And me, Nemo. It's me, Albert Brooks.

Okay, everyone Hey. It's me, Mario. Don't touch that. Hey, don't touch that Luigi. It's me, Luigi. Alright. Perhaps you remember me? The wit transfer. Oh my god. Your arch nemesis? All right.

I'm just going to start. Oh, no. It's a trap. No, I'm just going to start that. Hi, Admiral R.X. Barth. Hey, it's a trap. Listen.

Hey. Hey, I am Mercu Puro, perhaps the greatest ad reader of all time. All right. Yeah. Hi. It's me, Jack Nicholson, baby. Oh, my God. Ready to rub another man's rhubarb.

Hey. Hey, Ben. Yes. Yeah. it's me jackson may i just want to do another ad read well could i do the first one before you do yeah me sam elliott jackson main's battery. Ben. Ben, look what it is. It's the kid from Wide Awake. Oh my god. They're all here in the studio. Oh right, he's sleepy.

But it's Wide Awake, yeah. Who's this man with his soaking wet bed sheets? He looks like he just came from a brook. Oh, I know that guy. It's Brook. Who sells linens by the brook brook hey brooke how you doing uh good well griffin we've assembled the greatest ad read team of all time wow you certainly have white nick fury what should we do now i don't know you want to just read the ad copy it's your show okay yeah um well you know ben

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Yeah, I mean... Hey! Tricks for my kids! Who took my Redman? What's that box doing in the corner? Ding, ding, ding, ding. They left their cereal box here. All right, can we get back to the episode?

Yeah, please, yeah. This movie, I feel like the moment where I realized, and we talked about this a little bit in the Someone's Got a Gift thing, but there was like a thing last fall where there was like a big Twitter game of everyone recasting their holiday remake. There was? Yeah, where it was like pick four actors who you would put in the holiday and come up with like two weird mismatched couples. And I was just like, do this many people like the holiday? And is it just the notion that you have two pairings? Like, what's the thing that people are latching on to?

I don't think they're that mismatched either. Yeah. Like, that's not the premise. No. I don't. This missed me completely. I sort of came back into the holiday, I feel like, in like 2015, 2016. So about the 10th anniversary.

Yeah. Well, it was a big college favorite of ours, too. But I saw it in theaters also. Okay. You saw it in theaters. I saw it in theaters at the Randhurst AMC. Hell's Game. Did you see it in theaters, David?

I saw it in theaters in Newcastle, where I went to college, at the Newcastle Odeon or whatever the fuck it was called by that point. Because Britain had like Odeon. All right. Chill out. No, I got no complaints. David was on a holiday. or whatever the fuck it was called by that point because britain had like oh all right chill out no i got no complaints david was on a holiday how apropos he took a holiday to another country where he didn't live the odian and in britain is the major theater chain the sort of amc or whatever and they got so big that britain literally invoked the monopoly law and it like said to odian like

you need to give like 15 multiplexes to a new company wow like so like suddenly the new got something one of them they just turned into something called empire which is like it was literally like same employees same thing but they were just like we're a new company they just started a second company because they were just like there's too many odians you own like 60 or 70 of the theater market like unacceptable like this percent has to be given away that's crazy isn't that crazy yeah imagine that happening here and on a vacation nonetheless i mean that's so stressful for you to have i saw this movie on a date i was super pumped for it because i'm humble frank because i was like

really into nancy myers i really loved something's got to give as we discussed yeah and i was like i guess i think i was just in on like uh jude law i was i was kind of in on the sort of jack black leading man experiment 05 or 06 06 okay so jack christmas 06 is post king kong sure but more importantly post school of rock but yes well no i i think because school of rock is the first proper like jack black totally works as a leading man movie. Right, right, right. But King Kong, I look at as when they were like, let's see what else he can do. Like, can you put him outside of a Jack Black movie and make it work? That's why I bring up King Kong. Yeah, King Kong had happened, and I was mixed on King Kong, but it certainly hadn't turned me off of Jack Black, necessarily.

Yeah, I was still like, you know, I liked Jack Black. Yeah. You know, I guess I'd seen High Fidelity when I was, you know, whatever age black yeah you know i guess i'd seen high fidelity when i was you know whatever age i was 14 yeah which is like i you know i was like i'm on the ground floor with this guy like i want him to do well that is one of the most incredible like star is born performances ever because he literally like slams open the doors of the movie and you go like oh this guy's a movie star right you're like oh look at this guy what's he doing right this dude who was on when it cuts away from him you're like what's jack black up to right yeah you know um

so i was like pumped for the movie i saw it and i literally just like was like this is the worst longest fucking piece of shit i was so mad i went like we had dinner afterwards and i was like god that was terrible i don't think she liked it like it was like neither of us were that into it and so i was like soured on nancy for a little while i was so mad at her for this movie yeah my mom loves this movie watches it all the time and routinely chides me for not being into it what i'll say about the runtime is that it's very long i went to go see it at the ranchers amc with my friend john right non-date um but my parents my parents were like how long is the movie i was like i don't know

it's a rom-com it's probably 90 minutes and then i just sort of like went fully off the grid for two and a half hours and i got grounded because i misrepresented how long the movie was to my parents i i had one of those as well i feel like for movie kids uh especially in that era it was like a real risk to be like well of course of course I'm going to turn off my phone. I'm a considerate moviegoer, but also I'm 14. If my parents can't reach me for three hours, I might get grounded. Yeah. You know, when I'd go to see like the New World or whatever.

I saw this movie in theaters. It is the only Nancy Meyers movie I saw in theaters. Weirdly, I've seen all of her other movies on home video. But it is one of the only movies I ever walked out of. Sure. And I will say. I knew this. I knew this.

I walked out because the group I was with was like, fuck this movie. Sure, sure. You didn't start the walk out. I don't think I've ever walked out of a movie of my own volition. The only movie I tried to walk out of was Pearl Harbor when I was 15, where I that the film was like there was like two hours left of the film and i felt like i'd been in there for a million years and i turned to my friend said like let's just go and he was like they haven't even blown up pearl harbor yet i was like fine like i was just like he was like i at least i'm here to see death and destruction if nothing else so go on no i i walked out of it i didn't protest but i wouldn't have

walked out of it on my own volition i remember the night vividly because after we walked out my friends took a bunch of photos and i was like that was the best i ever looked like still on facebook when i look at the photos of me outside the lincoln square theater yeah i'm like that was my peak and i didn't even realize it walking out of the holiday was the coolest I will ever be. But then I saw the second half of it on a plane like six months later. I was like, I guess I should watch the second half of it. I was like, yep, don't like it. But the thing that was very

noteworthy to me, especially since I saw the hours separately, is my big into the movie was like, I don't really like Nancy Meyers movies. I don't have that much interest in watching a Cameron Diaz, Jude Law rom-com. I like both of them. Certainly at this time, I like both of them a lot,

but I'm like, that looks really generic. The Kate Winslet, Jack Black pairing is interesting. These are both people who don't do movies like this. Oh, you mean on paper? Right, I was like, Kate Winslet as an actress doesn't tend to do big movie star roles. She had eschewed. It wasn't just that she-

Post-Titanic. She had essentially said, I will not do those kinds of movies. Right had eschewed. Post Titanic. She had essentially said I will not do those kinds of movies. Right. And I at this point was hardcore Kate Winslet fanatic. Like she was my favorite living actress. She was my favorite living actress. Eternal Sunshine

I'm assuming. No but I was like so in on Little Children. I was like so in on all of them. Well Little Children comes out right at the same time. Very close to this movie. October to this movie is, I think, December. That was fresh in your mind. I loved her in everything from

2002 till she wins the Oscar. The Reader was the first performance of hers I didn't like. Alright, I'm going to run that down for you. The run you just... because it goes like this. The Life of David Gale, which she is abominable. You're right.

I haven't seen that movie. Eternal Sunshine, which she's great in. Finding Neverland. I mean... At the time, I thought that was a great performance. She coughs a lot.

I don't remember any of it. Nice movie that I remember not as... I was so sold on her at the time. I was like, God, she can do no wrong. That movie is creepy. Romance and Cigarettes, the John Turturro musical.

I've never seen that one. I think she's good in that one. All the John Turturro musical. I've never seen that one. I think she's good in that one. All the King's Men. Never seen that. My favorite book of all time. I refuse to watch it. It's a great book. I love that book.

The original movie is fine. Just watch that. Little Children. Right, which I love. Flushed Away. She's good in that. I mean, she's good. It's an animated film.

David, you have to be fair. She's good in that. She plays a rat's good it's david you have to be david you have to be fair she's good in that she plays a a rat named rita who lives underneath the toilet and the holiday in which she plays her second iris because she had already played iris in the film iris right and she's great in that she is good in that at this point she has gotten like five oscar nominations and she's just turned like 30 31 she can nominate get nominated for Little Children? She did. Sense and Sensibility, Iris, Titanic, Eternal Sunshine, Little Children. Eternal Sunshine, Little Children. She didn't get a Finding Neverland nod, did she?

I mean, that would have been... Because that was the same year as Eternal Sunshine. They thought maybe she'll get supporting and lead, and she didn't. I mean, good. Yeah, fine. Yeah, no, she had that, right, that sort of run of, that guess amy adams is on now

where she was like 30 like she was she had done it at a very young age while after being in the biggest movie of all time that could have seemed like an overwhelming shadow over most young actors careers she had sort of zagged and then the idea she just did weird shit to a big studio movie was very exciting to me jack black i loved i loved everyone trying to see if they could expand the jack black persona the first hour of this movie after the initial setup has so little kate winslet so little jack black it's well especially jack black right like jack black doesn't really come in in a serious way until the last 30 minutes of the movie. Pretty much. To make Fettuccine. He is the fifth lead of this film. Yeah.

Behind Eli Wall. Yeah. Which is really frustrating. No, I'm less of him the better in this movie. Disagree. Oh.

Dis. This is gonna Okay, go ahead. Of Jack Black? Less of Jack Black? This is a hill I will die on. What are you talking about?

Jack Black literally makes me want to walk into the sea and never talk to anyone. He loves movie scores. I think he is What's to not understand our life? So charming in this film literally makes me want to walk into the sea and never talk to anyone ever again. I think he's... What's to not understand our life? So charming in this movie. Yeah, he's so charming.

I think his character is horribly written. I think he's very charming in this movie. He's always doing his little melodies. Absolutely not. What a classic guy. If someone did that to me, I would call the police. If someone did that to me, I would call the police and then possibly murder them in the few minutes while I waited for the police to come. Back in my day, we didn't have ribbity-doop. We only had floobity-floop.

I would call the police and say, I can't be held accountable for what happens next. And I would hold the phone up to him as he was going like, what happens next. And I would like hold the phone up to him as he was going like a scoopity boopity like I would blank check

with dibbity bop bop groovity boop boop. Joanna was so horrified by him in this movie that I had to keep being like you know he's got such a great reputation. He's like a nice guy

like really good like you know I was trying to beef up like he's horrible. He's so lovable. Okay because I'll say a majority is gonna win this

argument and it's an argument i watched this movie with my girlfriend humble brag wow and say it again i watched this on a girlfriend humble brag humble brag i beat you you didn't say it fuck you i like that once i self humble brag you ask me to do it again because it's not fair it is fair because you've done it to me so many times because i've been training my whole life to be able to do it. Good for you, Griffin. Thank you. I watched it with my girlfriend. Every time he came on screen,

I was like, I can't believe how good he is. He's amazing. I agree. He's giving the most naturalistic performance in the film. I will also say I brought this up to a crush of mine and they were like oh Jack Black movie that's the first person they went to for the iconic romantic

performance Ben tiebreaker? it's not a tie because already David's out you can make it a tie you can join my side and make it 2 on 2 because you like music because I like music and you totally like to annoy women with

like that like that's not fair david that's not fair he also annoys dustin hoffman to make it sound like it's a gendered thing is very unfair we're gonna get to dustin and i hang out in blockbusters yeah you hang out in abandoned stores that does sound like something you do then you'd be like this is super vaporwave. It's like Ratscrawler. Hell yeah. Ben, you checked into the holiday this morning, right? I sure did. Right before watching.

And you were fucking on board with this movie, right? I liked it a lot, yeah. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with it. No, it's great. It earns its runtime. I'll tell you this. Napkinhead rules. Napkinhead rules.

Oh, so funny. Okay. And it is kind of incredible that Jude Law didn't make JFL New Faces that year. It's a good bit. With Napkin Head. Oh, yeah. I mean, and he didn't even make a more team. New Faces or New Faces characters?

New Faces characters. Well, I think that's what fucked him up, is that they didn't have characters at the time. And if they had characters, he would have gotten in with Napkin Head instead. He did have a killer catchphrase, though, for-up i am daddy i am daddy he's daddy can you imagine being daddy and then saying i am daddy yeah and then even becoming more daddy over time number one reason i want to say that's 50 of why i'm all in on having he's daddy yeah he is daddy i'm gonna try and find the clip he's so embarrassed to be daddy, but why? Why be embarrassed?

Don't be embarrassed. Embrace your daddiness. Because he reads cookbooks at night, Fran. He sews Andy as a cow. I mean, how could a man do those things? I am daddy. Yes, I am daddy. So this movie just feels like she slam dunk went into Sony, right?

And this is Columbia after she'd made a bunch of money off of something's got to give at Columbia. Okay. And says like, hey, here's the pitch. Women house swap. You get four big movie stars. I'm writing it for Cameron Diaz, Jude Law, Jack Black, Kate Winslet. All four of them are interested and they gave her a green light, right? This feels like a one sentence pitch.

Yeah, I guess so i mean you say this isn't a blank check movie but she had her biggest blank check like somebody's got to give was a huge hit yeah i think she was just like i'm gonna make another movie i think it's a blank check in terms of her being able to make the movie without any interruption it just doesn't feel like for this kind of money yes yeah and also to pick her cast and all that shit. I mean, that's the big thing is that she had proven so good with movie stars that Kate Winslet was like,

I will finally make another big studio movie with Nancy Meyers. I'm trying to think if, yeah, I guess she had just had not, I guess none of these count as big studio movies. Yeah, no, not really. I mean, All the King's Men, maybe.

Yeah, that was a studio movie. That's a supporting part, though. Yeah. She's Not really. I mean all the King's Men maybe. Yeah. That was a studio movie. That's a supporting part though. Yeah. It's not a very large part in that movie. Jude Law's also in it. Where?

He's the lead. Because that's the one where Sean Penn at the Oscars was like I just worked with Jude Law. I mean that's important context for this movie is

2004 is the year when Jude Law is in like eight movies in six months yeah yeah yeah right this is this is the tail end it was October through December he had six films I think that that's 04 right that's what I'm saying yeah yeah yeah 05 was the year where it was like all the king's men which had been pushed back there's nothing in 05 yeah 05 is cool down yeah oh okay so 05 was supposed to be all the Kingsmen. Then it gets pushed back to 06.

So his 04 run is Huckabees, which he's fantastic in. Way in front of you. I love him in Huckabees. I think his accent's bad in it, but I think the performance is good. The accent works for me because that person is like a robot.

Alfie, which he's... I've never seen. He's charming. I guess so. That movie's horrible. Directed by Nancy Meyers' ex-husband. Closer, which he's I've never seen he's charming I guess so that movie's horrible directed by Nancy Myers his ex-husband Closer

which he's sort of the worst in like he's kind of wet blank in that movie well that's his character like it's kind of the worst role

because he's just like why'd you cheat on me or whatever I don't even that movie is absolutely abysmal his performance is not super distinctive or memorable

I know people love that movie The Aviator which he plays Errol Flynn he punches someone in the face. Which is really fun and little part. Little pop. Sky Captain, where he played the titular role of Sky Captain. I believe you haven't read out the full title of that film, David?

Yeah, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. In my day, it was the world of yesterday. I don't fucking know. No one has ever been more excited for the release of a movie than I was for Sky Captain and the World of yesterday. I don't fucking know. No one has ever been more excited for the release of a movie than I was for Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. You have no idea

how hard I bought into Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. I never saw it. Yeah, it's a piece of shit. It's now one of... I'm sorry, it's not. I'm being mean.

It's one of my big Jude oversights. I remember seeing it and being like, oh, this is kind of boring and unengaging. It's a little boring. I would like to see it again

to see if it plays any differently. It's an amazing curio now. It's so weird that it fucking exists. It's not a piece shit i feel now i feel like i'm being a snarky dude it's but it's not great at least it's not great you're just mad that i'm right about the holiday and it's sort of affecting how you speak to the rest of us his final 04 is where he played lemony snicket in the but he that's just like he should have gotten a golden typewriter and then in 06

he had All the King's Men probably held over yeah breaking and entering the final Anthony Minghella movie right which is a weird movie

yeah truly weird and this so 04 is like too much Jude Law too fast and I feel like the public response

like why is Hollywood shoving this guy down our throat man alive it was like right it was a real barrage andving this guy down our throat? And he was like sexiest man alive. It was like right. It was a real barrage. And the Sienna Miller thing was happening like he was just fucking everywhere and everyone was like whoa Nelly

slow down. And Chris Rock made fun of him. Right. 05 he's quiet and then 06 he comes back and now it's like who is Drew Logg gonna be now? He's young he's already had a big tabloid like blow up. He's already gotten two Oscar nominations what's his career gonna be

and this feels like him he ain't that young though at this point? how old is he 30? he's 35 he's 35 in this movie? he's been around a while he's daddy that is true

in my day you were father, not daddy. Yes, I am father. Does he have kids? Where are his kids? He doesn't. He had a wife who had a great ass. Sorry, laugh. The two things a woman needs.

Yeah. Shelly Berman's in there. The great Shelly Berman. He's great. I love Shelly Berman. Yeah. The year after this, he does My Blueberry Nights.

Right. He makes some blueberry pancakes for Nora Jones or whatever. And Sleuth, which is a disaster. Really bad. Yeah.

And that's the end of Jude Law as a leading man, in my opinion. And then he becomes a weird character. Then he locks into Sherlock Holmes,

Hugo, Anna Karenina, right, where he's like, let me play supporting roles. He's a mean blogger and contagion. And then he's great

in side effects. He like lets his hair go. He sort of like gives up on the leading man thing. This is the last movie where he's like, no, I've got a hairline. Yeah, normal hairline

for a man with hair on his head. Which like, by the way, Jude Law still looks fucking great. You mean right now? Yeah I think right now I think he looks great in this movie. But this movie is 12 years. You mean

I'm asking right like in 2018. I'm saying both. I think in 2018 he looks great. I agree. I really like the way he looks and I like the way he's let himself age. I think he's still very handsome but I think he's got like He looks great. I mean like in like as Dumbledore

like ass Dumbledore he looks cute as that or he like pops his ass on the table. I like that. I do love this. I haven't thought about this at all. Dumbledore he's sort of like

and they're like Dumbledore what's up with you? And he like sort of just like hops his ass out of the table. That's like the only thing that makes me want to see that movie. Yeah I'm very curious about it.

But just like him in it. What about the crimes of Grindelwald though look we already tried those i'd be so much more interested if it was like a like people versus oj or like an oj made in america style like a 13 hour documentary about the crime it's all set in the the wizard magot isn't that what the wizard yeah Yeah. Whatever it's called. No, you're right. I just... To me, that movie sounds too crowded.

Fantastic Beasts and the Crimes of Grindelwald? How many Beasts? How many Crimes? Yeah. Man, six Beasts, like 12 to 13 Crimes. Two plural groups of things that sound ominous and bizarre.

I just like... He's the one thing I kind of enjoy about the Sherlock Holmes movies. He's good I kind of enjoy about the Sherlock Holmes movies. He's good. I like him in the Sherlock Holmes movies. He's fun now, sort of like, playing. I love him in Anna Karenina. That was when I really was like, this guy has finally gotten what a great character actor he can be.

Yeah. Vox Lux, which is coming out soon, especially when this thing posts. He is, as I was telling Fran about him at Vox Lux. Yeah, I can't wait. I can't wait. He's got like a Yankees jacket on the whole time. He's, as I was telling Fran about him at VoxLox. Yeah, I can't wait. I can't wait. He's got like a Yankees jacket on the whole time.

He's like, I'm a Yankees fan now. Yeah. That's sort of the new thing about me. Oh yeah, Fran's a Yankees fan now. Yeah, I'm a huge Yankees fan. We forgot to catch up with Fran.

Should we do our segment Catching Up with Fran? Yeah. Catching Up with Fran. So Fran has walked into the studio head to toe in Yankees paraphrasing an alias. She's eating a street hot dog.

She won't stop talking about Aaron Judge. I mean, I don't know. Yeah. Or 99. Yeah. People think I don't know. Yeah. She won't stop checking a New York subway map.

That's the rattling you're hearing. Yeah. She's shaking a bunch of subway tokens in her hand. I don't even know how she got her hand on those. No place to even put them anymore. Fran, how does it feel to be in a city that never sleeps new jersey uh i guess the main part about living there is that i'm also um i'm walking here you are walking i'm always walking here um yep no it's good it's good i'm having a nice time yeah i mean i love the yankees i love trash so

you're going full slime hot trash you're gonna fit right into new jersey you know sort of like air cooked trash like yeah exactly how do you feel about ditches ditches because i spent a lot of time growing up you know there are a couple but i will say i say it's a ditch well i sometimes i go for runs and i was exploring new routes in new jersey and there's one i don't do because i'm like too many ditches it just takes me past too Good ditch? Well, sometimes I go for runs, and I was exploring new routes in New Jersey, and there's one I don't do because I'm like, too many ditches. It just takes me past too many, and I'm always nervous. Something could come in or out.

Don't knock them until you try them. Okay. Good to know, yeah. Ben, of course, is trying to set up a backdoor pilot for his own spinoff podcast, Ditch Please, in which he just ranks the best ditches in New Jersey and the tri-state area at large. I'm trying to learn so much about New Jersey, so if you have a list of ditches for me to sort of

check out, please let me know. I'm going to develop a whole spreadsheet or some kind of roadmap for you. Like, good hot dogs, great vintage clothes, good ditch, good porch, good porch, good power plant.

All right, this segment is over. No, wait, what? Come on! Throw him in a ditch. Hey! A thing I really enjoy about having a sister who's like a decade younger is that occasionally I will like

recommend a movie to her and she will watch it and be like, wait, I didn't understand why this person had a career. Sure, sure, sure. And in the last year, Romilly watched both Talented Mr. Ripley and Something About Mary and came back to me and was like,

so what happened to Cameron Diaz? What happened to Jude Law? Alright, well, let's move over to Cameron Diaz. But I think that's what's interesting about the two of them in this movie is, like, this is them trying to hold on to the vestiges of that sort of, like, sparkling, unbelievable, super bright stardom they had when they hit. Yeah. And at this point, they're kind of, like, going through the motions of, like, I think this is what someone people find charming about me. Yeah, and they're sort of styled that way too where they're both real. I mean, it makes sense that she is tan,

but he's got that sort of like fake Hollywood tan. She's very sparkly. She's always in her like cream sweat. I mean, that's a Nancy thing. It is a Nancy thing. She's sort of playing like a Nancy Meyers character that's 20 years too young. Like it's sort of an odd role

because she's like, I'm just so type A, you know, and like, I just like everything how it is. And she's like, I'm just so type a, you know, and like, I just like everything how it is. And she's like also like a misanthrope. Uh, she's, we're going to, I mean,

her character's crazy, but can we talk about Diaz for a second? Yes. Okay. You seem like you wanted to say, I was just gonna say, I think to your point, Fran,

both of them feel like Disneyland robot versions of Jude Law and Cameron Diaz program to do what they think audiences like from them. And it was like, both of them feel like Disneyland robot versions of Jude Law and Cameron Diaz programmed to do what they think audiences like from them. And it was like both of them were like, why did everyone want me to be a movie star in the first place? Like, what was the thing here? Diaz is very weird because she I feel like hit as this like

I mean like, you know the mask, she's just like a sex pot. The joke is that she's like a misdirect. No, but she's doing what she became her thing where she's just like a sexpot. The joke is that she's like a misdirect. No, but she's doing what she became her thing, where she's sort of the goofy, you know, kind of klutzy person as well. The movie sets her up as like, here's human Jessica Rabbit. Sure, because she's got the gold dress.

She comes down on the stairs. Right, she's the more well-rounded human one. Right, right. And then I think something about Mary is where they really solidify it, where it's like, oh, she's just like this ray of sunshine. Sure. She's this very genuine, very goofy, very fun. And also my best friend's wedding, which she rules in. Right.

Oh, my God, she's so good in that. But she's essentially playing the antagonist in that. No, the whole point is that she's nice. That's the. The antagonist is Julia Roberts. I'm saying the journey that Julia Roberts has to go on is to realize that she's the bad guy. Oh, that movie is a masterpiece. Yeah, it is.

Did we do PJ Hogan? Yeah. Peter Pan? Yeah. Muriel's Wedding. What else has he got? He's a weird one. What did he do after Peter Pan?

Oh, he did. You know what he did? He did Confessions of a Shopaholic. Confessions of a Shopaholic. And then Mental. What's Mental? Tony Collette. It's an Australian movie.

Okay. Back with... And that's it. Yeah. Yeah, he kind of fell off. Wow. But you know, Muriel's winning,

Best Friend's winning, Peter Pan. That's a weird trio. Yes. Sorry. Cameron becomes huge. Uh-huh. What do you think of Cameron?

Mary is like a phenomenon. Charlie's Angels is huge for her I haven't seen that much Cameron she's also doing her I've seen Best Friend's Wedding and I've seen this and I've seen

In Her Shoes and that might be it for me King John Malkovich Vanilla Sky Vanilla Sky obviously because she has her

auteur run where she does like Ring John Malkovich Gangs of New York Gangs of New York where she's really miscast in she is miscast in yeah she is

miscast in that I love that movie to death but she is she's miscast she's doing her best right I think Vanilla Sky and

Vanilla Sky she's phenomenal and Being John Malkovich she's great in both of those she's really good in Being John Malkovich that's probably her best performance those are two performances she should have been nominated for yeah and she got like

Globe Noms but not Oscar Noms right she got close and she got SA Globe noms, but not Oscar noms. Right, she got close. And she got SAG noms, I think, too. And then In Her Shoes is probably the best of her rom-com performances. Yeah, I love that movie. Something about Mary. Right.

Emma Holliday. I would maybe have given Cameron Diaz like four Oscar nominations if I ruled the world. She's great in In Her Shoes, which is an underrated movie. Yeah. Although I haven't seen it since theaters, but I remember it being good. She's really good. And I know some people really stick up for that movie. But then there's a weird thing post In Her

Shoes where all her performances start being really mean. Well, there's What Happens in Vegas. Where she's kind of played as like an asshole. I haven't seen that. She bad teacher? She's bad teacher. That's a mean movie.

She's bad. Yeah. Mean and bad, I think. In my day, the teachers were good. They educated the children of America. They weren't bad. No? Yeah.

Okay. No, but isn't it kind of interesting that she then, like, she stops being like goofy, like effervescent, and she stops being like goofy like effervescent and she starts being like really angry in all the movies in her big studio comedy she's angry I'm gonna throw out to you like Night and Day she's sort of klutzy and fun in that one right

like isn't that again sort of old school Cameron it doesn't feel very old school you got The Green Hornet I literally forgot she's in that I like totally forgot that she's in that I forgot that whole movie the bit. I totally forgot that she's in that movie. I forgot that whole movie. The bit in that movie is that she is Seth Rogen's secretary, and he keeps on thinking that they have a thing,

and she just keeps on shutting him down. Sounds great. Sounds like a rewarding role. The Counselor, which she's incredible in, and she has sex with a car, and it's the greatest, and that movie rules. But it's weird because they made her re-dub her entire performance. That movie is completely bizarre.

Her performance is 100% ADR because they didn't like the voice she did on set. Sounds great. Whatever. I've only seen the car scene. She apparently did a Rihanna impression and they made her re-dub it in an American accent. Seems normal. Good call on the ADR there, Ridley. Yeah.

The Other Woman, which is the one with Leslie Mann and Kate Upton, where they like enact revenge on Jamie Lannister for cheating on them. Yeah. Is she one of those three women? She's one of the three other women. Or is, well, they're all the other women, I guess. That's the idea. I don't know.

I guess I only ever remember Mann and Upton. My two favorite actresses. Of course. I would genuinely categorize all of these as angry performances. I think her thing becomes that she's angry. And then her last film ever

and now she's said she's retired. You're forgetting sex tape. Which I haven't seen, to be fair. And then Annie. Well, I was going to say, that's her last performance

is playing Mrs. Hannigan like the most unpleasant character. It's true, you're right. She plays a lot of sharp-edged characters. Right, which is the opposite of what the first half of her career was.

I just think it's an interesting severe shift. The holiday sort of in the middle. This is the fulcrum point. Because she's nice and sharp. Yeah. Well she's so likable

but her whole thing is being like well I'm unlikable. Is she so likable? Yeah. She definitely keeps telling us how awful she is. Also that she doesn't

have emotions. That she's a fucking robot from the planet Glee. And is horrible at sex. Yeah, I empathize. Yeah, and she's bad at sex. She's bad at sex. She doesn't have emotions.

She hasn't cried in 20 years. And yet we constantly see her laugh and enjoy the corrections by Jonathan Franzen. Oh, boy. She brings like a wheelbarrow of Oprah's book clubs. I don't know how she got that on the plane. It's like a full suitcase of books. I love the two shots of both of those books. And then totally forgotten the second she meets daddy.

She like sits down on the couch, reads, I guess like one book for like five minutes and is like, God, I need to book a plane home. This sucks. I am out of here. Go on.

No, it's a very odd performance. In this, I'm mixed on her, but I like Cameron Diaz. It is weird that she just, yeah, I guess just gave performance. In this, I'm mixed on her, but I like Cameron Diaz. It is weird that she just, yeah, I guess just gave up. I mean, you can't top the counselor.

No, and she, you know, apparently she's happy being married to one of the good Charlotte boys. The Maddens, yeah. Is that right? She's married to a Madden. I think Benji.

Oh, you know what it is? It's Madden 98. That's who she's married to. Didn't she date Timberlake? That was a thing, right? She did a while. I'm trying to remember what else. Matt Dillon date Timberlake? That was a thing, right? She did. I'm trying to remember what else. Matt Dillon, she dated for a while? From there, something about there? A-Rod,

she dated for a while? Timberlake's best album is about her, I would say. Which is his best album? Future Sex Love Sounds. I like Justify. But yeah, Future Sex is good. That was the other thing I was going to say. That's about her? All about her? I think that's what he said. Did she bring Sexy back? Yeah. Okay. Wait a second. I'm sorry to interrupt the momentum we have going in this episode.

But what just happened in the studio? It's feeling like significantly more chill in here for some reason. I can't figure it. Wait, where did Ben go? Ben? Oh, my God. It's me. I'm back. Ben is back. Oh, my god. It's me! I'm back!

Vaping Ben is back! Oh my god, and his Mac computer has turned into a Macintosh One, an Apple One! That's right. It's become vaporwave in here. It is Vaping Ben, and it is time to tell you about today's

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Yes. So just to tell you a couple of flavors that caught my eye just because I'm always cruising for new flavors. Of course. They got a USA mix e-liquid. I'm a patriot. I don't know exactly what that's going to taste like, but I want to know. I guess probably a little bit of Michigan, a little bit of Mississippi. Sure.

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Hey, what I miss? That was incredible. I guess you took a long drag of your e-cig and when you exhaled Vape and Ben came out. My nose is bleeding. Yeah, a lot. Yeah. Maybe you should let him back out again.

I don't think I should okay let's just finish the episode all right cool i think i was gonna say that i kind of like about cameron diaz in this second half of her career where i think the movies aren't as good is she did very consistently make movies where she's paired up with much younger actors which i think is cool that she was always sort of an older love interest and they didn't make a point of it. Because she's older than Siegel, she's older than Kutcher, she's older than Rogan.

Bad Teacher is Timberlake and Siegel. She was always playing five years older than her romantic co-star. She's the same age as Jude Law. That's nice. Yeah. This is the last one, I think. She's a full six months older than Jude Law. Wow. Fucking robbing

the cradle. Made her. Cool. Cool. Cool. Yeah. So, and then, yeah, Jack Black, we talked about him. And Eli Wallach, you know, he's the ugly. Shannon Sossaman's in this movie. Yeah. She's the actress? Jack Black's girlfriend. And she's got like three lines. She was in 40 Days and Yeah. Is that her? She's the actress?

Jack Black's girlfriend. And she's got like three lines. She was in 40 Days and 40 Nights. I was going to say, she had a couple like, and Night's Tale, where it was like, maybe she's a thing. She was definitely a potential thing.

Right. She's already just getting three lines. No, she, yeah. Rules of Attraction is her last big movie. Right. And she shows up in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang as well, but she's like. Gets murdered, right? Isn't she the mystery? Yeah. Yeah. Pink hair movie. Right. And she shows up in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang as well, but she's like... Gets murdered, right?

Isn't she the mystery? Yeah. Pink hair girl. Right. A weird career. Sure. Ed Burns. Ed Burns.

As we famously are aware is from Brooklyn in that other movie. Yeah. Well, we should... David, come on. Oh, right. Yeah.

Now I remember. I know. I know that that's like a fan theory that I'm like building up. And slanderous. He might sue us for saying that. The craziest thing is he's actually from Queens.

David, it's unsubstantiated. The actor is. He played a character in Saving Private Ryan in which he was insanely third build. Where I guess like if you sort of like sift through. Was it his name, I think? His name, Joey Brooklyn or something? I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Isn't he insanely second build or is Sizemore two? Maybe he's second build. I think he's second. I think it's Hank Burns. Sizemore. Yeah, I mean, it's Hank's saving private ride. I mean, Hank's gets that above that.

But yes, he is second build. Damon is third build yeah sizemore's fourth wow wow absolutely crazy vin diesel of course you know you know the burn story that's like insane right how he got his start maybe that he was a pa on entertainment tonight and robert redford came to do an interview. Okay. And he had made... Brothers McMullen was his first film, right? Brothers McMullen. Brothers McMullen. Right.

He had made Brothers McMullen and was like, Oh, Robert Redford, right? He runs Sundance. Right. And he went upstairs, got a VHS of his movie, and handed it to Robert Redford in the elevator. And was like, Hey, can you watch this? Maybe put it in your festival.

And he did. And it won. Right. Like, the thing they tell you not to do. Right. Like, don't go up to a famous person. Don't go up to Robert Redford. Right. Like, you know those lunatics who, like, go to Q&As with, like, their full screenplay and they're like, can you read this? Right. He literally went up to Robert Redford

at an interview with a VHS tape. Right. Saying, like, yeah, yeah, Sunday's good. And Robert Redford was like... Hey, I'm just a kid from Queens. I don't know. Right. Right, saying like, yeah, yeah, Sundance guy. And Robert Redford was like, yeah, I'm just a kid from Queens. I don't know. And he was like, but he was handsome.

Went home, watched it, told Sundance, like put it in the festival and then it got bought for like $2 million or whatever. It won the dramatic award.

Crazy. Anyway, in this he plays a big douchebag. Yeah, he fucking sucks. Rufus Sewell plays the world's

greatest supervillain yeah he plays an emotional terrorist a toxic waste barrel like in a sweater so bad yeah he's good in this movie

so it starts with like a lot of Kate Winslet voiceover about like the nature of love and the tragedy of love and unrequited love right she's writing a wedding column for the daily telegraph right and this feels very kind of

like bridget jones adjacent it's like okay here's like a beautiful hollywood movie star playing a quote-unquote mass mousy sure unnoticed girl in the office in england and you're like i get what kind of movie this is she's in love with her co-worker. They seemingly have this kind of emotional affair, but also they have slept together. Yeah. It's not an emotional affair. He's her bit on the, she's her bit on the side. He has never committed to her. And she's always in love with him.

And he always just dips into the pool every once in a while and is seriously dating other women. Yeah. He's awful. Right. He's awful. Right. Right. He's got a girlfriend. They have this flirt. She's convincing her friend that someday he's actually going to leave her for Kate.

Sure, he's going to settle down with Kate. And then they announce at the Christmas party, at the holiday party, that he's in fact engaged to their other co-worker. Yeah. And I guess it set up that Kate Winslet is the one who writes the marriage announcements in the paper. Yeah, it's so cruel.

They single her out. And Nancy Meyers also, like, literally replicates the, like, push-in on her crying face from Sense and Sensibility. Like, it's literally the same shot

just ten years later. But I am immediately on board with this movie. I'm like, I am so into watching Kate Winslet do her version of Bridget Jones.

Yeah. Trying to get, pick herself off the floor and find love again. And you realize from the very beginning, like, oh, Kate's really given a performance here. Like, she knows she's in a romantic comedy. She knows it's a movie star mode. But, like, there's real pathos to what she's playing. Yeah.

And I'm so on board. Okay. Can I give my opinion? Yes. Bridget Jones is funny. She has, like, personality. She makes jokes. Yes. Kate Winslet is, like, a sentient sponge who just sort of sits there going like oh no you're right i'm sorry you know just like as everyone treads all over her she's the worst protagonist i think she doesn't

have any uh written jokes going on characterization other than being miserable she's nice to people very polite she plays it very well. And as a programmer. She's hide all the gardeners. She's good at playing a sad person. She's a talented actress. Yeah, she rules. I loved her when I was a teenager when I saw this in theaters because I was like, I also am sad.

I will say now I find... I comma too comma. I will say now she's like the world's most pathetic woman in a way that absolutely enrages me. You just want to literally grab her and be like what's going on with you? Now there are people like that certainly who get like caught up in a bad toxic relationship thing and can't like get out of it.

It's almost like you want to grab her and say in movies there are leading ladies and they're the best friends and your problem is that you're a leading lady but you act like you're the best friend. Yes that's something that happens in the movie. And she's like, thank you, and cries again. We wrote movies on typewriters.

And then like a waiter refills her breadsticks and she cries at him. Thank you so much. I didn't even ask for more breadsticks. Yeah, I mean, I'm not saying this is like a great fucking setup. No, it's terrible. As opposed to when we cut to LA and Cameron Diaz is like. Okay, we're opposite on this movie. Right. When we cut to LA, I'm like is like... Okay, we're opposite on this movie. When we cut to LA, I'm like, alright, now we're cooking.

This is insane. This is an insane person. I buy 0% of the Cameron Diaz half of the movie. I'm returning it all to the store. This is so stressful now to disagree with both of you at different times. Right, because you're 100% in.

I'm all in on Winslet,'re 100 i'm all in on on winslet black david's all in on laudia i'm all out on the winslet shit i especially i'm 100 out on richard jones which is hardly a perfect movie but uh british people are funny they are funny and wry and like sarcastic david once again you don't know this you have no frame of reference to know this you're just making accusations nancy myers's opinion of british people is literally just like oh yeah they're just like a bunch of polite doormats or jerks like that's yeah and her sense of humor characterization of it is so bad right and like i hate it from minute one it's the same shit that bothers me about like a lot of british

rom-commy things um but uh at least they could be funny not funny where are the jokes nancy you can write jokes but cameron this is where nancy's just like oh yeah no maniacs from la oh yeah no i i know what they're like yeah exactly it's cranked up to 11 the second she appears what's going on her expensive pajamas ed burns is sleeping on the couch already he comes up he's like we never have sex and we hate each other. Do you think this relationship's working out? Right, which the setup is that they got in a fight where she accused him of sleeping with someone else. Of sleeping with an assistant or whatever.

He denied it. Right. They went, okay, let's pause this fight. You go downstairs, sleep on the couch. Eight hours later, let's wake up and continue the fight and media res. Right. Correct. Throw shoes at him. Well, you know, like L.A. and media res. Right. Correct. Throw shoes at him.

Well, you know, like L.A. people. I've been to L.A. three times. This is how it is out there, I've found. What, did everyone throw shoes at you? Everyone lives in a house the size of a castle. I will say, this movie does. And they just start and stop arguments whenever they want. It is a very accurate, realistic portrayal of people in L.A.

in the sense that I watch this movie and every moment go right this is why i don't live there exactly like it reminds me oh constant whipping winds sociopaths why is it so warm it's like oh because of the weird crazy wind that blows through here like a fucking ghost the winds only affect k winslet it's true well she's english she's never been warm in her life she's's like, what is this? She takes off her parka. But don't you think this movie starts and she's like playing like a Gene Hackman character? Yes, I love it. Just ranting about everything.

So good. Just screaming. She's the world's most successful trailer maker. Right, even though her trailer blows chunks. She also doesn't edit it at all herself. No, Krasinski does it. Right, so it's... I have a question about this.

Is she the head of the trailer firm? Like, what is... It's her company. She says she started it herself. She owns it. But it works out of her home only? Yeah.

All right, here's my big question. And then, Fran, you clearly want to weigh in. Because most trailer companies are like ad agencies where they have an office and a lot of employees. I know, but no,

she does it herself because she's so fucking good. Except she doesn't do herself. Krasinski does it. No, Krasinski's just, you know, she directs. He's the technician. And Catherine Hahn as well. I thought Hahn was just sort of like her personal assistant.

Yeah, I don't know. But do you think Krasinski just lives there? I kept wanting Winslet when she's in the home to open a door and Krasinski's just like, oh, don't mind me. And he's just editing. The same way that Diaz is on the hook taking care of that dog. Winslet's got to take care of Krasinski. Don't you think

it seems like he basically lives there? Krasinski has a bowl. House takes care of itself. You do have to empty his bucket once a day, but that's it. Krasinski only eats dry food. Han is a mix of wet and dry and you have to put a little pill in there.

We only feed her once a day, but it's a bigger portion. Krasinski eats three small portions. Just a handful, or there's a scoop. Fran, what did you want to say about Krasinski? My question about Krasinski is, do you think John Krasinski in The Holiday is the Adam Driver of Lincoln of 2006? Of like a guy with a haircut from a sitcom who's just sort of like, oh, he's in this for one scene. That's an incredible question. It's a great, I mean, indisputably.

Can you ask it once more slower? I genuinely just want to break down every part. You just want to live in it. Is John Krasinski in The Holiday the adam driver of lincoln of 2006 yes i believe so of course i think so too um okay great 100 and uh what was i gonna say krasinski's there yeah she kicks out ed burns who finally is like yeah i slept with my assistant who cares like this is the worst thing in the world. Why wouldn't I sleep with my assistant?

And so that's the end of their relationship. She says, uh, she says, yeah. Do you think she learned that word that day? Yes. Uh, yeah, I think she might've run into Eli Wallach at some point. He dispensed it while he was on one of his, his walks. Back in my day, we didn't 69. We 96.

That's my current age, we 96'd. That's my current age, by the way. You know 96ing, where you rub your butt cheeks against the other person's back of their head? What I was going to say is they also set up at this moment, Cameron Diaz is the Terminator, because

he complains about the fact like, you think I want to be with you? You're the only woman who doesn't even cry during a breakup. And she's like, so what? My problem is that

I haven't cried in two and a half decades? Which I have a little hot... Since the fire. I have a little hot theory. Okay. I think this movie is in portions

very much Nancy being inspired by Garden State. Okay. Because... What? Because he Nancy being inspired by Garden State. Okay. Because he can't cry in Garden State? Feels very ripped from Garden State. Remember when all the faucets, the automatic faucets turn on? They can cry, but he can't.

They yell at a ditch. They do yell at a ditch in New Jersey. It's an iconic Jersey movie for that alone. There's a scene in Medieval Times and they yell at a ditch, making it the most New Jersey film ever made. This movie is two years after Garden State which means she probably started writing it

right after she saw Garden State. Possibly. Remember she does take a while to make her movies. They do kind of make that the arc of like when's Cameron finally

going to break down and cry again. Yeah. And the other thing is she uses the fucking Garden State song. She does. She uses Let Go.

Right. Which is the big end song when they see each other. What are they Natalie Portman by Natalie Portman no no the band what the fuck were they called the one with Imogen Heap

no Imogen that's what they were called that's what that band was called let go that song that one here's my take on the crying thing Jesus fucking Christ. That song. I let go, let go. That one. Yeah.

Here's my take on the crying thing. She just made a movie with an extended crying scene. So she's like, what if instead of extended crying, no cry. Right. There's the weird montage of Cameron Diaz getting angry at her laptop when she's trying to find a place to go on holiday. Right. Which feels like her trying to replicate the Diane crying at the laptop. And there's an iconic IMing scene, just like in Something's Gotta Get.

Yeah. Where like Jack Nicholson's like, how you doing? Smiley face emoticon. Except he reads it out, so he's like, colon, parentheses. Right. Yeah.

And he sends her the rhubarb emoji. Don't rub rhubarb. Have you ever been the dancing lady with the devil emoji in the pale mood? He does that. Do you know that, Fran? Which part? That people shouldn't rub another man's rhubarb. I do know.

I do know. So they're both miserable ladies going through yeah who can relate you know it's christmas a lonely time but yeah yeah and um so it's a holiday in that it's sort of christmas is a holiday but holiday is also what british people call vacation true that is something to consider when thinking about what you said how you talk about holiday or how are your holidays yeah yeah something to think about how you talk about... I'm going on holiday, or how are your holidays? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something to think about when you talk derisively about the movie. Okay, here's something I hate about this film.

Sorry, Fran, but I think you might not disagree with the point I'm about to make. I don't like that Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz have no relationship in this movie. There's the one phone call towards the end where they do the bit with Winslet not knowing who she's on the line with. There's also the iconic IMX thing. Yes. Right. And then them at the end dancing together. Sure.

I feel like it makes the two halves of the movie feel really disconnected. A little bit. I think you're right. And you kind of want to see them have some sort of relationship. Even if it's regular check-ins over the phone being like, what's going on on your end? Because the thing that's kind of fun is that they swap lives. And I was watching this and I was like,

God, I feel like there are other movies that work well where the people have swapped lives, but it works because they know each other and you understand it. Yeah, is this movie improved if she's like, I really need to go somewhere. What if I call my old pal from college Iris or whatever? I have an even better pitch. I have an even go somewhere. What if I call my old pal from college Iris? I have an even better pitch.

I have an even better pitch. Oh my God. But I was like, what am I thinking of? There's like another movie where someone does this and they like swap lives. And I was like, oh, it's the parent trap. This is like a shittier adult version of the parent trap. I just feel like there, we talked about this in the parent trap episode,

but I love that the first 30 minutes of that movie are the two of them together in a neutral zone at the camp. And then they like prep each other for what each other's lives are like. And then the first time

you see each of their lives, it's through the eyes of someone seeing it for the first time. Okay, but how does that work in this movie? Because I think it's kind of ruined the swap

by the fact that you know what their two lives are like. So when they get there, you're like, okay, yeah, I know Cameron Diaz isn't going to like this. Kate Winslet's going to like this. But then you would

know that Jude was daddy. Yeah, she doesn't know Jude's daddy. Well, by the time they talk on the phone, it's sort of like, oh, I wish they had talked on the phone before. Then she knows that Jude is daddy. Can I tell you my pitch? This is my pitch. The movie starts with them stuck at an airport.

We've all been there. Long layover. Long layover. Some midpoint. Some neutral zone where they're both trying to get flights back to their homes. Right? And they're sitting at the bar talking. At the airport bar, they start commiserating together.

This is like the first ten minutes of the movie. About how miserable they are in their lives. Their breakups they just went through. How stressed out they are at their jobs. They're just like, fuck it. You get on my plane, I'll get on your plane. Right? I mean, whatever. And it's like you board,

you land in this other place where you have no notion of what life you're about to enter into. This movie needs the sort of developing surprises that bubble up, such as Jude Law is daddy, the bath is small, and then on Cameron Diaz's end, she has curtains. That's a huge twist. But those surprises are Diaz's end, she has curtains. That's a huge twist.

But those surprises are fully surprises to us, the audience as well. But also, it's like you watch these two lives and you're like, okay, these are two Nancy Meyers lives. And then they switch places and Cameron Diaz hates everything and Kate Winslet loves everything. And that L.A. mansion is very garish to me. Oh, it's fine.

I'd happily hey when's that's cottage is the most charming romantic comedy movie set of all time and like camera diaz acts like she's living in a coal mine uh can i i'll all right well i'm gonna argue with you again okay because camera diaz's mansion yes perhaps not to my taste if I were to own a mansion. Yeah. But if I were, it's like a hotel. Like if I were, I'd be like, oh, it's got everything perfect. Big bed, curtain, screening room.

Yeah, Santa Ana wins. Seems nice. I love the idea of going to LA and just only watching movies in your home. Yeah. That feels accurate. Yeah, Punch Drunk Love. She's got the largest TV. She's got Punch Drunk Love on DVD.

Of only Sony movies. The thing I love is that Sony movies always, every character in a Sony movie has a VAIO laptop and owns a bunch of Sony products. Gotta have that synergy. Because your DVD case is like identity, anger management. It's like all Sony movies of the first five years of the 2000s.

And then, yeah, you know, where Kate Winslet is, is quaint, yes, and beautiful. So idyllic and movie style. But the tub's small. Been in England. On vacation, yeah. On holiday. Thank you, good correction.

Whatever you want to tell yourself. Those places are so fucking stressful because of the things, like some of the jokes she makes, like those fucking roads that are so tiny and like, yeah, the lack of amenities. I get that. And everything in England is designed for like tiny people. I get that. But this is an area in which I think Nancy's aesthetic sensibilities hurt her because she doesn't want to put anything on screen that isn't beautiful. So even if the joke is supposed to be this This house is inconvenient. And it's small.

It looks too nice. Like it's so perfectly art directed. And also I mean if I can actually. You wanted me to weigh in. I mean it's set in Surrey. It's set in Goldaming. I can never pronounce the name of the town. Goldmember. Go on.

This is like one of the richest towns in Britain. There is no way. That either of them could live there. I assume family. Like that has to be the reason, right? She works at the Telegraph. Jude Law lives in a mansion. No fucking way.

How far is she from London? It would be an hour's train ride to like Waterloo. I mean, it would be like a doable suburban. That's what I couldn't figure out. Yeah. She has a Mini Cooper. She maybe drives. That would be a pain But like She certainly has to drive

Down her like 14 mile fucking You know Road to the shire That you have to go down Every time just to get to her house She's maybe so depressed And lonely

Because she lives so far away From any other person I never can meet anyone Because I live in Mordor Like For someone who works In the city At a big paper

Yeah It's weird that she lives In someone's like Weekend home She lives in what Is that she lives in someone's weekend home. She lives in what is sort of dressed up as a weekend home, right? Right. Like, you probably, if you, I mean. Her whole lifestyle is designed around how nice it is to be alone, and then she's like, I'm so sad I'm alone.

Yeah. And she tries, let's talk about it, to Sylvia Plath herself. 20 minutes into the movie. It's so dark. David, this is a great... So dark. At this point, talking about Kate Winslet's attempted suicide by oven,

this is a great point to transition to a regular feature we do during this miniseries, in which we cut to my sister, Romley Newman, to report on the kitchens of Nancy Meyers movies. Here, piggybacking off of a suicide attempt, is Romley Newman's Kitchen Corner. Welcome to Romley's Kitchen Corner. And here is your host, Miss Romley Newman, in her kitchen. Hi, I'm reporting from a kitchen. And today I'm going to talk about two kitchens,

the first of which is Cameron Diaz's, which is exactly what I hate in a kitchen, but I think is so amazing and I love it and I want to live there and cook in it. It's very L.A. modern, very sleek. You have that slate countertop. It's huge. I mean, it's an ungodly size for a kitchen, but it's really nice. And it looks kind of straight out of the restoration hardware catalog it has these dark tiled floors huge table in the middle that's light wood and a lot of black cabinets and a lot of light um but it's i would love i would love to cook in that kitchen and then i give nancy credit for

kate winslet's kitchen because it's fairly realistic. And I'm proud of her for not sticking in like an incredibly fancy stove or a sub-zero refrigerator into a Surrey kitchen because that just wouldn't happen. Is that her best kitchen? Absolutely not. But is it a charming kitchen? Yes. Thank you, Romley.

Very good. All her appliances are way too nice. Like when Cameron Diaz is like fumbling and frustrated with the coffee machine, you're like, that's a $250 coffee machine. Also, why does a rich L.A. person not know how to use like a coffee machine? She doesn't understand how plugs work. No, fucking Krasinski, he does it all. Oh, sure, sure, sure.

Yeah, he makes the coffee too. I think Han does the coffee. Yeah, Han does the coffee. She's on coffee. She's got a headband on, so you know she's serious. It's true. Han is so good. I'll tell you, watching this movie...

Not in this. No. She doesn't do anything. But in general, yes. But watching this movie, I get frustrated that Nancy Meyers' role slowed down. Yeah, because she could make a Han movie now. Maybe. But she loves to work with movie stars.

Feels like she should have gotten to make a Han movie. Feels like she definitely should have gotten to make a Krasinski movie. Like it feels like Krasinski was probably next in line to be a love interest. She was winding up. She was winding up. Krasinski's in It's Complicated. It's Complicated and a bigger role in which of course he is absolutely devastatingly good and we'll talk about it next week. But is comic relief.

You want him to be a romantic lead in one of these movies or at least a romantic prospect. Right. And instead he became the director of a horror film in Jack Ryan. Right. But he had his couple of like he did the big miracle

with Drew Barrymore and he did whatchamacallit something borrowed. But he's the friend in that too. He's the comedy. Right.

But he signed on for that because the sequel he was supposed to be the romantic lead. Like it felt like John Krasinski never got the big rom-com that everyone wanted him to get.

Because the rom-com just died. Right. So it's so frustrating to watch this and being like, we were so close to her probably knowing how to do it right. Anyway, Kate wins. It tries to suicide herself with an oven. But is interrupted by a phone call. And then it's like, what am I thinking? Terrible. Costly. Yes.

She's interrupted by an IM, right? Yeah. Yeah, she's interrupted by Hagrid coming to tell her she's a wizard or whatever the fuck because she's had a listing up for five comedy points she's had a listing Godric's hollow online to try to rent her house for a long time right and no one's been like oh let me live in this like this is fabulous like this is a great getaway and Cameron Diaz is like, what's up? Can I stay in your house? It's a house swap.

Cool. When can you leave? Right now? ASAP. Are there any men, though? No. And then it's like, exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point. They hate men.

They hate men. Fran, you want to weigh in on men? Who among us has not tried to take a vacation to get away from men? Yeah. That's why I'm going to Themyscira this Christmas. Right. I'll joke about the 2017 picture Wonder Woman. It's a Themyscira.

Land of Amazonian women. You think Nancy could work with Gal? God. See, watching these movies, don't you get frustrated going like, who are all the big movie stars that Nancy didn't get to work with or isn't getting to work with now? Like, wouldn't you love to see a Gal and Krasinski rom-com? Come on, Fran, what do you got? Nancy should work with Chris Pine.

I would love to see Nancy with Pine. Fran had this like brewing thought and I was like, this is going to be good. Yeah, I know. She'd be so good with him. He'd be so good with him. Honestly, she'd probably be good with any of the Chris's. Give her a Chris. I think I say this in our next episode. Maybe she'd

be fine with Pratt. Maybe old Pratt. Old Pratt? Like former Pratt. Yeah. It wasn't Guardians of the Galaxy. We only had to guard the solar system. Sorry. I think I say this in the... In's worse every time. In my day, we had MCU phase one.

Today, we have MCU phase three. Phase three. In my day, an MCU phase was only five pictures. Now, it's 12 pictures. Okay. What I was going to say is, I think I say this in our It's Complicated episode, but it feels like Jennifer Lawrence is someone who really needs a Nancy Meyers movie. Sure.

I mean, I feel like she needs something a little lighter. She needs a lighter as well. She needs like a My Best Friend's Wedding. And something maybe where she plays someone who is her age. Right. But like My Best Friend's Wedding kind of saved Julia Roberts. She actually played Eli Wallach in this movie. This is when she first

she went straight from the Bill Engvall show to playing Eli Wallach. Yeah it was her first Oscar play. It didn't work out. No it didn't work out. And Nancy Meyers

did direct Winter's Bone. We should point that out. Yes she did. Yeah. What if she had? All the teeth were sparkling white. Yeah, so they swap houses. Come on, let's get back to the plot of the holiday. Yeah, so they've swapped houses and Al K. Winslet is overjoyed and Cameron Diaz is miserable.

Right. Cameron tries to read one book for five minutes. Right. Instead, drinks like four bottles of wine gets shit faced. Cameron Diaz gets drunk a lot in this movie

but we don't really see it. It's like referred to. Yeah. Right. Like there's a scene that's not in this film where she gets like blackout drunk.

Yeah. Right. And like they kind of talk around like what a nightmare she was during that moment. She's so horrified that her bra's on a chair.

It's like, it's her own bra. And she's literally already had sex with him. Yeah. It's not like... That reaction is so crazy. She's like,

my bra. Gasp. But this movie also does this weird thing. Okay, so she's there, drunk, miserable,

planning to fly home the next morning. Yeah, she hates it so much that she books a return flight. Right. She tries driving into town and can't deal with the road.

She's on the wrong side. She hated that she had to walk all that way because the guy can't deal with the road. She's on the wrong side. She hated that she had to walk all that way because the guy dropped her off at the beginning. She's in stilettos, of course. She's in stilettos. She's got a big wheelie bag.

Right, yeah. This all feels like new in town bullshit where it's like You mean the Renee Zellweger movie? Yes. Okay. Where it's like

this fancy lady isn't used to living in such a podunk little town. Sure. But once again, it's all so like idyllic. It's like Snow White's like cottage. Like it's beautiful.

It also just, again, the most obvious complaint, it never snows that much in England, in the South of England ever. Which this movie has. I just took a bite of my cheddar bagels first. I mean, lots of movies. Love actually pulls that shit. You know, lots of English movies pull that shit.

This movie has, I think I maybe hinted at in other episodes, had a $20 million CGI budget because they CGI'd all the snow. Right, because it would be impossible. Because they shot on location. They shot it in one of those little, I think it was Gadalming, however you fucking say it.

Yeah, but you know what exists? Fake snow. But, I mean, they have to coat whole towns in the fucking stuff. They're fucking white Christmas. Look at the history of movies with snow but those are soundstage movies like i'm assuming the town was like yeah you're not dumping snow all over this town for a week nancy like we're letting you film here but like this movie

had 20 million dollars cgi budget damn right million was the snow yeah it was a 10 million jude law's hairline the other 10 million was digital touch-ups on the actors' faces. Wow. Which at the time was like They extended Eli Wallach's earlobes by 15%. Droopier. At the time that was seen as insane and now like

every big movie star movie does that. Right, right, right. Just make them hot. Yes. Everyone looks a little Plastic-y? Yeah.

Yeah, a little burnished. Like they've just had a spit shine, you know? They look like robots. They look like animatronics. They do look a little plastic yeah yeah a little burnished like they've just had a spit shine you know they look like animatronic they do look a little funny especially Cameron and Jude I feel like they're the ones where

I brush them off right because in LA you just kind of assume people look like that maybe maybe that's why yeah like they're all already in their weird like plastic house right oh

but Jude Law comes over blackout yeah let's do the Diaz part first We don't have to switch between Let's just say that he shows up while she's listening to Mr. Brightside That's true she rocks out to the killers Right singing very badly to herself This is another Nancy Meyers movie

Where she yeah it has like a soundtrack Where she's just like what are the hits Because like something's gotta give begins with Butterfly As we've talked about Which is crazy Yeah I don't disagree. Yeah. Because that song

was like four years old at that point. That's the weirdest part. But anyway, yeah, she rocks out to the killers. I feel like there's another hot young.

That's pretty contemporary. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She plays hot in here, right? There's Jets. Oh, that's what it is. It's that song. What is it called? I don't say.

Oh, are you going to go my way? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They do that song. Jack, yeah, Jude Law shows up shit-faced, I guess. It's normal. He seems fine. He's like, can I sit down? I'm so drunk.

You seem fine. He's like Griffin after one Mike's Hard Lemonade. Hey, look, I hold my Mike's hard. I hold my Mike's well. When I get hard, I stay hard. Oh, boy. Cut it out. Keep it in and double it.

Oh, boy. This episode's a masterpiece. What I was going to say is, Jude Law shows up, blackout drunk. Yeah, so drunk. Am I so drunk that I think you're my sister? Sure. She's like, no, your sister left and didn't tell anybody. He did say, he says say he says she tried to call

she tried to call and he ignored the call okay a minute later they fuck okay they chat for a while they have a pretty deranged conversation that's insane they have one minute of deranged conversation it's longer than that it's long they talk on talk on the couch. She does this. I mean, this comes up in other Nancy movies and in rom-coms in general, but Cameron does my favorite delivery of romantically just stating the circumstances of what's happening, where she's just like, okay, so I'm in this house temporarily, and you show up out of nowhere, and I'm like, I know this. Right, this just happened. You have to tell me.

It's true. They do a lot of procedural recapping. This is my hot take on this movie is that Cameron Diaz is essentially written as one of the what women want characters except all her internal

monologue stuff is said out loud by her. Because the whole scene where she's trying to figure out where she's going to holiday she's like, I got it. A holiday.

Let me look through that. No, too far. Too close. She keeps on saying everything out loud that she's searching for on the computer. Well, at all tracks

because her character in this film is a psycho so like I don't know and it's also a movie trailer editor who starts having nightmare fantasy sequences where she's a trailer

and Hal Douglas I feel like that would be a regular part of her life at this point also his voice would just have like incepted into her brain right

but um she yeah basically says to Jude Law like yeah i'm horrible and bad do you want to fuck yeah oh she says she uh that foreplay is overrated which is a line that i heard as a 15 year old not fully understanding that this character is insane and also like that's meant as a joke i'm like okay she's hot and foreplay must be okay so foreplay sucks i'm gonna keep this in mind for when i'm less busy with extracurriculars

and finally having sex. And I really think that line damaged me for five to six years. So interesting. Two statements she says so close to each other that are totally unrelated. One is that foreplay is dramatically overrated. The other one is that all of her exes say

that she's bad at sex. I wonder if there's any... I mean, I'm just trying to figure out. And Judah's just like, The other one is that all of her exes say that she's bad at sex. I wonder if there's any. I mean, I'm just trying to figure out. And Jude is just like, you're so interesting. Yeah, Jude's like, what's going on? But what we don't know, but we'll find out, is essentially like this is Jude's weekend away from the kids. His one weekend to cut loose. So he's basically like, look, this is fine.

You're not my sister? let's smash in his sister's bed i assume or the couch maybe i don't know yeah well there's a later scene in the bed right uh they messed up okay maybe not this feels like got a bone in her bed this feels like nancy's idea was friend didn't like that uh sorry what this whole half of the movie feels to me like nancy's big idea was what if i do a rom-com relationship in reverse where they fuck the first time they meet and then they fall in love and then like it builds up to them having the intimacy to like have a conversation and hold hands uh and you know cameron's problem is that whatever she's insane and Jude's problem is like

his problem is that he is daddy his wife died so he hasn't had time to like be with adults he reads cookbooks for goodness he sews and he has a cow Jesus Christ yeah he has two children who are clearly competent enough to run a

business together like I don't think Jude really needs to be there at all. They're fine. Like, right? He feels almost entirely superfluous. He's bringing napkin head, but that's about it. He doesn't want her to know that he has kids because he doesn't feel like the two halves of his life are compatible and it's a package deal. So he spends the first half of the movie being weird when girls text him, which is supposed to be a red herring that maybe he has. Yeah, because both of the names, Olivia and Sophie.

Right. And she's like, oh, I'm sorry. I looked both times at his cell phone. Right. Because it was back in the day where your cell phone would have that little window that just would put like a name. It keeps on walking away from conversations to have phone calls. And then you find out, no, he's daddy.

He's daddy.'s daddy she's staying she cancels her flights before the daddy they go on that weird date they go on their lunch where she's essentially like what's your deal what the fuck where'd you go to college where'd you go to high school like how he's so sweet during it they have such nice chemistry in that scene i really do think i i would agree with that is jude i think jude is doing a little more than her in terms of bringing the chemistry or bringing it to normal levels. Well, he's pointing out that she's a psychopath. He's like, you're really interrogating me.

But in a way that's nice. He's like, I'm nervous. Yeah, right, right, right. He's so good in this. Because he's going like, I'm a book editor. I studied literature in college. And she's like, cool. I come from Alpha 7. I was born

in a crater. On my planet, the ritual is you have to fight the Granuki beast for dominance. Yeah. I'm an alien robot. She feels like an alien impersonating a human being in this movie. Yeah. Sometimes women are aliens. Yes.

She drives to his house unannounced. Yeah, she drops by for no reason. Her sort of background, which is that her parents aliens. Yes. She drives to his house unannounced. Yeah, she drops by for no reason. Before that, we get her sort of background, which is that her parents divorced when she was 15. There's always a divorce in a Nancy movie, yeah. And this damaged her forever. The last time she ever cried. Yeah. She thought they were the Three Musketeers.

You know, Ben? Yes, Griffin? I'm in the middle of moving. Sure. I'm part of a move that's uh uh taken uh 17 years it feels like this has been the most drawn out extended move of my life you just moved i did here's the thing i find when i move all this stuff why why do i have all this stuff and it's because i want to hold on to my memories sure but they're heavy they take up space they're

burdensome yeah well i mean it's almost this thing where it's like why do i even bother having physical media exactly but lexi box who are sponsoring this episode of the show okay what they can do is they can digitize all your old home movies and photos put it in the cloud yeah you know you save your family films and photos from degrading or being lost forever. People who don't carry a VCR around with them from apartment to apartment like I do. Now, you know, you don't need formats. You don't need new plugs and stuff, you know? Yeah.

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Oh my god, Dan Candyman. Dan, I thought you were... I'm here for ad read infinity war! Oh, yeah, everyone's long gone. That happened like two ad spots ago. Yeah, that was hours ago. Once again, everything you do is convoluted and slightly wrong. Well, you don't have to be so mean about it.

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And once again, go to LegacyBox.com slash check, and you can save 40% today. There's never been a better time to digitally preserve your memories. LegacyBox, baby. Wow, that was the most epic crossover event in history. Oh, God. That's incredible. God, I don't even... I mean, I guess we got to go back to talk about the holiday,

but it feels like the whole world has changed now. Let's talk about the Kate Winslet part. Okay. I mean, we talked about some of it. I like that you're calling your shot there. I'm not calling my shot. I'm saying what just happened live on, like. Oh, right.

Okay. Iris. Who is, I already told Fran this at our screening of Venom. Humblebrag. He's rude. Venom's got a rude dude. Oh, boy. Really?

That Venom. Is he a little stinker just as a native midwesterner i felt a little sort of like put off by his attitude interesting uh bad attitude no uh iris in this movie have a chain wallet exactly yeah venom is basically poochy. Does Venom have like a bunch of scenes where he like corners a woman at a bar and yells at her about communism could have worked? Yeah. Venom really rants about Bernie a lot in this movie. It's weird.

Venom's a Bernie bro? Oh, yeah. I mean, Tom Hardy's character actually is kind of a Bernie bro. Yeah. He's like, homelessness is a problem in America. That's sort of his deal. I'm asking tough questions. Why are homeless people? I don't know.

Venom. Is Tom Hardy, because you've seen Venom, and you're living in a post-Venom world, and I'm living in a pre-Venom world. Is Tom Hardy going to win my blankie this year? He might make the list. I don't think he's going to win. You never know. With me though? It's a magnetic performance. That's all I'll say. I want you to see it. You might hate it.

I just think I'm going to love that performance. My thing watching that movie was like, I can't say this is a bad performance because I am so I want more of it. I'm so entertained by it. That's usually my favorite kind of performance. You know, like even if like,

maybe if you were like, but a person would never behave this way. And under any circumstances, I don't care how crazy the movie is. You're like, yeah, but, uh,

I just want to see him do it. Like, you know, I don't care. Like, give me that. This has been, this has been,

this has been spoiled for me. Okay. Uh, but by the time this episode comes out, everyone will see it. Movies come out weeks ago, yeah. I've heard about the big set piece in the movie. So is the 15-minute sequence

where Venom plays hacky sack in the quad as epic as I imagine it will be? The CGI's a little squishy, but yeah. They flubber the hacky sack. I'm just a little frustrated they're saving Ultimate Frisbee for the sequel because it feels like that's where Venom's

really going to pop I actually can't wait to see Venom 2 like whatever it is yeah I guess I'll see it also damn right you're coming with me so Iris named after

Jude Law's daughter weird is that nice? weird the grown woman in this movie yeah weird doesn't matter weird

okay well for me it's nice Iris and Olivia? no Iris is Kate Winslet. Right. Oh. Olivia and Sophie. Iris, the grown-up, is named after Jude Law's

real daughter, Iris Law. Oh, that? I didn't understand what you were saying. I know. It's weird. That's fucking weird. I know.

Well, Fran thinks it's nice. Do you think that was like a contractual obligation? Jude Law was like, I will sign on. I think Nancy just had them make lists of 10 of girls' names.

I'll throw out something kind of nice, an Easter egg for the future. Peter Serafinowicz named two characters after his children on the tick this season. Oh, really? Like big characters or little characters? They are characters who will be special effects. Okay. So sort of like a Thing one and thing two situation? So he could kind of like say whatever he wanted.

Interesting. But it's really nice because there's like a group of creatures in the season. Cool. And he named two of the creatures after his kids and then constantly would refer back to them. I love creatures. Which like that makes sense if it's like I'm an actor. I'm going to do a little tribute to my kids.

Right. Whereas like Kate Winslet is a creature. Right. And they're like yeah you're just named after Jude Law's kids even though you don't

really have scenes with Jude Law until the very end of the movie. So Kate Winslet is in L.A. What? She loves the curtains.

Loves those blackout curtains with a button. Watches Punch Drunk Love. Loves those blackout curtains with a button. Watches Punch Drunk Love. Swims laps. Swims. Yeah, swims. Swims. Jack Black comes by

to pick up some stuff. Ed Burns' stuff. Right. Shannon Sossaman's in the car with him. Yes. He gets an eyelash off her face

because the winds. Talks about the Santa Anna winds with her. It's so fucking charming. Absolutely not. Hardcore. Hardcore. So good. So good. So sweet. talks about the Santa Ana wins with her is so fucking charming absolutely not the worst so good so sweet cutie patootie he's like

shudderingly nice where I'm like oh my god you fucking loser the only character in the movie who seems like a real human being I totally disagree is the implication that Ed Burns is also a composer? I guess so. Yeah.

Yeah, that's what I took from it. I guess that's how they met. I don't know. Or that they have composed together or something, yeah. So I have like a big gripe. I strongly dislike movies in which the characters work in the film industry that aren't about the film industry. Because it always strikes me as a

lack of creativity of like i'm just gonna write like what all my friends do like the movie doesn't have anything to say about the film industry well jack black talks about movie scores for 20 and you know that he's an expert says a lot any amount of colony eli wallach does tell us a lot about the film industry he does opening weekend yeah yeah even though he makes some very very salient points that literally any five-year-old you stopped on the street would be able to make movies are long sometimes movies are too loud no and the jack black character they like, this guy's such an expert on film scores.

Oh my God, he's such a connoisseur. He likes Ennio Morricone. He likes the Jaws theme, the soundtrack, the connoisseur. The Mission? Hans Zimmer.

That's the one weird pick. Everything else they have to do is like the five most famous That's Ennio Morricone again. Oh. Yes. So stupid. Right.

Shut up, Fran. Shut up. Oh my God, wait. Fran is been taken over by a symbiote food it's fran is now in the studio the lead of my review which has now been published and if this is not the leader of my review it was my editor was like get this the fuck out of your lead uh is that venom's first word in the movie is food. That's how he's intruded. In the Midwest, we would say food, please. No, not Venom.

Food now. Yep. Go ahead. Sorry. Iris, she swims. She meets Jack Black. He's an absolute creep. Turd burglar.

He's normal. He's normal and nice. He feels like someone who's like, yeah, it's like Nancy's like, this is what normal people are like, right?

Yes. But except he won't shut the fuck up about scores and say squeedily Bob. He can't shut up about his art. He loves the macaroons. He says it in his little crazy Jack Black way where he goes, macaroons. I think his Arthur theme is really good.

I can't stand it. His Arthur theme is great. He's so nice. He writes only the good notes for Iris. Yeah, I like his Arthur theme. None of the bad ones. I want him to say what the good notes for iris uh yeah i like his arthur thing none of the bad ones i want him to say what the good notes are uh sure d you know i mean gotta be a right a right a plus yeah okay f sharp sure yeah no you're the classical friend here come on weigh in what's the best note uh f sharp damn damn f sharp see i i made a good one okay um jack black Black yeah but he's not in the movie much

to be clear certainly until right at the end he has a girlfriend until one hour and 40 minutes into the movie so most of the first chunk of Iris is that rather than like I don't know go to fucking the tar pits or something she just stays in the house basically

and meets Eli Wallach once in a car, sees Eli Wallach on the side of the road. Right, and he lives in the SAG museum or something. Do you think when she sees the Oscar at his house, she gets the idea to be in The Reader? Right. Yeah, he's got an Oscar on a mantle,

and she just talks to him about the movies. Right, and she's like, here's your mail, and right and she's like here's your mail and he's like ah six more lifetime achievement award I don't want any of that oh shit now a lot of movies like this it's like this fucking industry they're full of liars I don't care I've been burned by them I don't want to get an award

I literally when I was watching it this time had conflated the Studio 60 thing I had that too oh it's gonna turn out that he was like a blacklisted writer. Right. No. That's what I always remember. The reason why he keeps on

turning down these tributes is because he doesn't want to walk to accept the award. Yeah, he struggles with stares. And I mean, he thinks that like not a lot of people will come. I guess he thinks

an old washed up old phony like me, like who cares? Only Shelly Berman will be there talking about asses. But he's the only he is david just to give credit where credit's due he's the man who wrote the kid and here's looking at you kid right i mean that was a that was a note by me and then they i tweeted it at joe mankiewicz or whatever they gave him the oscar for. For the kid. Best supporting kid. I forgot about that line.

That line is annoying. He's a legend. I mean, he wrote the kid. Do you think it's weird that a Vows writer doesn't know the phrase meet cute? Yes, but in England, that is not a phrase. So I guess that's the defense. Just something I wrote down. It's a weird thing for him to say because it's mostly a rom-com thing to be like, this is our meet cute.

Yeah, I don't mind it. For some reason, the Eli Wallach stuff is actually the easiest to take for me. I think because he's good in the movie. He's a good actor, but I just find his performances, he offers the most surface level analysis of how rom-coms are written. I know. And every time she treats it like it's Sid Hartha coming back to her. I know. She's like unbelievable.

So you're saying that two people meet in romantic comedies and like each other? I've been in therapy for 74 years. And that's the first time anyone has said something that rings true with me. She's got to get a different therapist. Yeah, her therapist fucking sucks. Fucking terrible therapist. Yeah. Oh, I want to switch back because actually my favorite line in the movie and possibly my favorite Nancy Myers line ever is said by Jude law.

Is it? I'm a major weeper. That's maybe one of mine. Definitely something. No, it's when he, I think when he asks her out to go to lunch and she's like, why?

And he says, cause I, I'm running out of reasons why we shouldn't, which I think is like such a perfect rom-com line. So Nancy Myers and it's so so fits like what's happening with them where it's like well we keep liking each other in these conversations we have like why shouldn't we go on a date i love that line right the idea is that like okay kids away for the weekend both of them just viewed this as like as a fling a fling and keep on not

being able to get closer. A quick smash. If you have time to keep having sex, why not keep I don't know. They're always like not justifying it. Yeah, I know. They should just only have sex. How long is the holiday in this movie? 10 days? Yeah. Maybe two weeks tops. Because he says these last couple

of weeks at some point. There's also the very weird thing where first night they meet, they fuck. Second night, she gets black out drunk. he doesn't sleep with women who are unconscious she loves that about him good line yeah he sleeps on the couch humble brag right yeah then on there and she like leaves her bra on a chair right so i mean obviously he reports that to the local vicar on their uh-huh i'm gonna tell the story oh what what's the story do you leave your bra on a chair no no no i'm just i i'm removing all names from it i have a friend who uh uh like had like a one-night stand with someone she worked with as sort of like a supervisor position

right and he was like an awkward guy and she was like is this gonna be really weird in the office had like a one night stand with someone she worked with as sort of like a supervisor position right and he was like an awkward guy and she was like is this gonna be really weird in the office now that we've slept together we have to work together and we're obviously not gonna date and he's not a guy who's very comfortable to begin with uh-huh and he like called her into his office and she was like what's this gonna be and he like very like methodically like went to his filing cabinet and pulled it open and took out a manila envelope and she was like what's this she opened it and it was her bra that she had left at his place oh my god wow and he only knew how to deal with it as like a supervisor where it's like um here's your new assignment but i just love the image of like a boss opening

up a filing cabinet handing over a mail envelope labeled bras yeah right and then it was just very awkwardly like here's your bra on a business folder

under F and here it is March 14th okay here we go the thing I was gonna say because I just was becoming obsessed with this during the movie

first night fuck second night she's blackout right he sleeps downstairs on the couch I believe is the implication.

Sure. Then on their first proper date, he says, we've already slept together twice. He said, we've had sex once, we've slept together twice. That's what he says later in the movie. Oh. So at first he just says, we've slept together twice, and I go like, wait, so they did fuck? Maybe he just fucked in the bed with her, but then he phoned. He sets up the third time, we slept together twice and fucked go like wait so they maybe he just fucked in the bed with her but then he sets up the third time we slept

together twice and fucked once he doesn't say fucked he said we had sex once right so he's counting like the fact that they slept under the same roof when she was passed out as slept together which is an odd thing to say right yeah uh I

don't know I guess so but I think the implication right maybe he slept next to her right yeah that's just what I assumed it's more that she blushed she's like oh my god I'm unbelievable right she does that a lot very apologetic oh and then he also says the thing like

whoever your ex was he was an idiot I couldn't disagree with him more strongly very gentlemanly the sex was fine yeah I don't know why is she good at sex again or are we to believe that she was never bad in the first place that's sort of what Nancy leaves unresolved

I think people just are not allowed to have bad sex in a Nancy Meyers movie that's just not allowed I think the idea is that she doesn't have emotions and she hates foreplay it was probably the most perfunctory sex of all time maybe he gently was like we could try a little foreplay and she was foreplay. Like, it was probably the most perfunctory sex of all time. was like, we could try

a little foreplay. And she was like, okay, I mean, I guess so. I think it's overrated. But like, back in Hollywood,

like, she starts spending all this time with Eli Wallach trying to teach him how to walk again. But also, like,

going out on dinner dates with him. Yeah, she fucking is basically a physical therapist. Like, isn't she supposed to be on vacation?

Meanwhile, Rufus Sewell is tormenting her to read pages of his book sending her manuscripts she sends a fucking blackberry message being like please leave me alone and he calls her he's like oops guess I rang you and you're like

call the police and then right he sends the notes then he shows up I don don't know. Which is insane. I want him to, like, have a little box and then there's, like, a condom inside or something. It's, like, the worst gesture possible. He, like, shows up on, like, Christmas Eve. I know. Abandons his

fiance. True. He's awful. Yeah, he's a maniac. It's so much more fun to hate him than any of the ones in love, actually, I think, also. Yes. Yeah, I mean, right. right i mean he has i mean i mean like oh he sucks jasper he's he is as i said uh when watching it a shit the english would call him he's a shit but this whole point in time jack black like shows up for like 30 second stretches occasionally be like uh here's your fedex and to celebrate Hanukkah.

Right. He celebrates Hanukkah with, he says, they have a nice dinner with the old Jews. And he's like, that was great. Then Shannon Sossaman

calls him and is like, well, from Blockbuster. Right. Or no, no, no. He gets the call from her.

She's in, she's in. That's when he sets up at the dinner. She's supposedly in New Mexico filming an indie movie. I got no idea where she's with me. She's in New Mexico working on a sets up at the dinner. She's supposedly in New Mexico filming an indie movie. I've got no idea where she's with me. She's in New Mexico working on a little indie.

It's a normal character. Uh-huh. And then, yeah, she turns out she's been cheating on him. And then, right, they go to Blockbuster and that's where Dustin Hoffman is. Right, he calls her up and says, hey, can we do the thing that normal people do on a Christmas Eve night, which is go to Blockbuster and just riff on the movie boxes. Riff on the scores of the movies in the movie boxes.

You know this story about the Dustin Hoffman thing? Yeah, he was just going to Blockbuster. Like literally walking down the street, and they were like, can you come in and do one shot? Is that true? Yes. He saw all the lights and was like,

what's going on over there? I that true? Yes. He saw all the lights and was like, what's going on there? I've made some movies. He's terrific. He won an Oscar for that. Sort of a six lead. He is kind of a six lead. And right, so,

you know, Jack Black's in the middle of one of his manic episodes where he's like, the graduate, oh, Mrs. Robinson, you know,

here's to you, Mrs. Rip-a-boop-a-doop. And Dustin Hoffman sees him and weirdly does not kill him execution style. Could you imagine being any other customer at the Blockbuster while this is going on and being like, God, does this guy think he's that funny? I need to leave. He's like projecting like very loudly. Why is this poor woman entertaining this? He's scanning the chariots of fire.

That's the other one, right. Hanz and then right, he's like Vangelis changed the game. Yeah, he does the driving mistakes. That's his Hanz theme. But his other thing was he said like big departure for Hanz. But that was before Hanz became Evan. That was his first score. That was what people thought Hanz was. When he said like a big departure for hans but that was before hans first score that was

what people thought hans was when he did like braveheart and shit people were like oh this is a big departure that's james horner okay but when he started doing like epics yes that was really the one that changed well one of them yeah his only oscar his only oscar very strange uh maybe i think this is normal behavior what do you think he would win for this year i'm making it up i have no idea does he even have anything this year? He must have something. He did like the Boss Baby.

He'll do shit like that where you're like, oh. Right, small foot. Did he do small foot? Maybe he did. I don't know, maybe. Yeah.

But so they're just like hanging out together sometimes because he apparently has no other friends in LA despite the fact that he lives there and is friends with Ed Burns. I know, and Ed Burns doesn't pop back up. You'd think Ed Burns

would be like hanging out with him. Yeah and Jack Black would be like yeah your ex-girlfriend is insane. Sees Shannon Sossaman realizes she was only filming for two days she looked up the weather. What did the Widows score this year? Okay that's it though.

She looked up the weather on weather.com in order to be able to lie accurately this script does contain the phrase weather.com right yeah i fedex her prison all the way to new mexico i know someone who's done this who's done a location line not in a relationship but like a location lie that included looking up the forecast to be like right yeah yeah i'm doing a lot of stories where i'm not saying people's names, but I have a friend who was dating someone. Like, casually, they'd gone on a couple dates, and she let everyone believe that she died in the tsunami in, like, 2004.

Okay. Dark. And then, like, he ran into her, and she was like, Yeah, I kind of just needed, like, a fresh start. I'm sorry I never called you back. Great. Then, I don't know, Jack Black jack black what the fuck they don't even what i mean should we talk about should we go back to cameron we should talk about i am daddy yeah he is daddy because that's also christmas eve i know all right he's daddy

he's daddy yeah he puts on the napkin head it's cameron's movie like no one has christmas eve plans like especially like a father to two young children. He's got a bunch of presents under the tree. In England, Christmas is very depressing. It's a terrible, terrible time. You have no idea what you're talking about. Shut up. Because everything's closed and everyone goes to their families.

So if you're alone on Christmas in England, it's brutal. But what about Father Christmas? Well, you know, he's spread a little thin, but sure, he's around. Yeah. And he's got two young girls. He'd want to make it special for them. I know. I mean,

the reveal of this movie basically is like, you know Jude Law, that super handsome, nice man you've been having sex with? It turns out he's great. Like, that's sort of like the twist of the movie

where he's like, he's even better than before. Yeah. He's perfect. Yeah, he's got two little daughters who are so sweet and bossy because he's so nice to them the kids are so cute and they're never they never been anything again they're just perfect cherubs that like when the little one says when they invite her to the tent and she's like i

don't think i should go to tents and she's like you don't like tents oh i love it it's a big tent i feel like they got a big tent yeah Small British children, especially small British child actors, always say things in the same meter, which I find unbearably heartbreaking. Sure. Which is like, Daddy, don't you want to decorate the tree? You know, it's always like, You can't access the umbrella computers.

Right, they're the weird creepy children. Yes. They're really cute. They love Mr. Napkinhead. Mr. Napkinhead's pretty cool. Oh, yeah. Let's talk about that. He's the sixth lead.

It's a really good bit. He puts glasses on. Sure. Over a napkin. Over a napkin. Over his face. But then he makes a mouth. He does.

That's what really sets it off. The cherry on top. And he smokes, so he's cool. But he smokes a spoon. Yeah. And then says smoking's not cool to his daughters, but we's cool. But he smokes a spoon. Yeah. And then says smoking's not cool to his daughters, but we know as adult viewers that smoking is cool. True.

He keeps a napkin on his face for a full two minutes. Yep. Which he kept it on for a full hour. Can't we laugh too hard? I turned to my... She's never felt joy before. I turned to my girlfriend, Hollaback. Hollaback.

You said it wrong, so I won that then. It sounded like you said hollabrag like you were bragging about a particularly good deli bread yeah okay uh i turned to her and i said oh i forgot to tell you this is the remaining 45 minutes of the movie it's just him doing an hbo comedy special as mr napkinhead sure it's a good bit but did she give you five comedy points yeah she did sure yeah well i i owed her five comedy points for something else and now we're even um but but yeah then he like you know she's like why didn't you tell me and about the napkin head right right right right and he's like you know it's proprietary i'm still shopping it around meetings right yeah

warner brothers are interested right but i don't know right. I have a bunch of meetings. Yeah, Warner Brothers are interested, but I don't know. Right. They have a first look development deal, but I want to get something on the air. Right. And like, we're trying to pry it free

because Marty had expressed, you know, but he wants to bring it over to Paramount. Based on the comedy stylings of Napkinhead. Right. They're thinking of doing a tour maybe and filming it. Yeah.

I don't know. What else do you want to say about that? That's it. He has a cow and he sews. All this is boring. You don't like it? I don't like them. It's so charming.

I like the daughters. The daughters are great. They're all so nice to each other. That scene is where the movie is idiosyncratic again and I'm into it. That scene's great. I like this part of the movie better. Theiosyncratic again and I'm into it. Yeah. That scene's great. I just like don't I like this part of the movie better.

The Kate Jack Black part. I like the Kate stuff. That feels more individualistic to me. That feels a little She is not a person. both of you are right and wrong. Right. I mean that's your argument.

Yep. And Ben's argument. Yeah. But yeah I mean back at the Kate side you know he realizes things are over with Shannon Sossaman, and then they go out to sushi,

and it feels like they're about to fuck, and then she calls him and apologizes. I guess so. Right? Yeah. Accidental boob graze also. Right. Which I feel like was used in the trailers a lot.

Boob graze! That's like the one joke he has in the movie. Horrible. If you can even call it a joke. She should call the police when that even call it a joke she should she should call the police when that happens that's what she should do i keep telling everyone in this movie to call the police um yeah and then like they're they're planning eli wallach's big you know uh wallach celebration he's gonna walk the walk 2000 seconds exactly and jack black's

supposed to do the fucking music, and he's like, I'm going to be late. By the way, Home Again, which you haven't seen yet, right, literally has the exact same ending. It's crazy. But anyway. With whom? You'll see.

Okay. I was going to say, it's very weird that it's like they hired Jack Black to write an original score for the Walk for a Lifetime Achievement Award. It's a little weird. You get work where you can get work. That's sort of the business. Yeah, that's true.

We don't know how successful he is. I love in Forgetting Sarah Marshall that that's Jason Segel's job, but he just works for CSI at that moment where he's just like, promoting, promoting, right? That's funny. And you know that Cameron Diaz has made the, foreboding, right? That's funny. Well, and you know that Cameron Diaz has made the most successful trailer of all time. That's true, for the James Franco. Lindsay Lohan and James Franco.

That's Nancy calling in an old friend. Yeah. Lindsay. Yeah. Another person who could have used another Nancy. Yeah, who now she kidnaps children off the streets of Russia or something. Whatever she's up to.

That's the worst movie of 2018. Not good. Let's admit, That's the worst movie of 2018. Not good. Let's admit though, the Arthur theme slaps. Yeah, it slaps. If you're going to use slaps instead of fucks, I'm all for it. Yeah, slaps is better.

Slaps is better, yeah. Yeah, this is all fine. It's just like all of this. When does he kiss Kate Winslet? At the very end, he shows up at the last second. Once Eli Wallach's on the stage, this movie is embarrassed by their relationship and won't let them have one.

Right. Yeah. And so like, he's finally like, he kisses her, basically apologizes and like comes in his pants. Like it's like pathetic. Oh yeah.

He does his little fist. Right. And the movie is a regular man. I know. And the, and the movie is just like, yeah. So they got together too. Even the movie's just like, yeah.

So they got together too. Even despite having zero chemistry whatsoever. Counterpoint. They're charming. I mean, I was waiting for you to bust that out. But no. The movie does argue. All these people are getting together with their rebounds because it's just like one person who was nice to them after they were sad.

And that's correct. That sort of is making, I don't know, a little bit of a cautionary tale for some, maybe. I agree. But then Cameron leaves. But then we do see them a year later and they all look great. You don't see them a year later. You see them days later. It's that movie. Oh, that's right. You're right. It's that. Right. But presumably in a year they're all still together and happy like the end of Harry Potter.

Holiday 2, maybe. How they doing? They all go on holiday together. Holiday 2, colon. How they doing? I want to know. Does it hold up without Eli Wallach? Yeah, you can't do a holiday two once Eli's gone. No.

Who else will tell us what movies used to be like? Right? I don't know. Some old Hollywood. Are they going to run into Clint Eastwood? These are like Dermot Mulroney. Yeah, right. Some 90s relic.

Back in my day, movies cost $60 million. Now they cost $80 million. I would be into Nancy and Clint getting together. That'd be good. Let's do that. I read something really upsetting. I, of course, in the past on this podcast, talked about my most anticipated movie of 2018.

I got drugs in my butt. Of course. And then read a synopsis of it recently because they announced the release date and it sounds like he doesn't traffic the drugs in his butt. He just puts them in the backseat of his car. God damn it. He's no mule. I wanted a 91 year old

Clint Eastwood is a physical drug mule movie. Like at least swallowing a couple of condoms or cocaine and whatever. And this makes it sound like it's just like, they're going in the back seat where they belong. But isn't the movie about like, you know, the big government took away my Obamacare.

So I got, I got to make some money or whatever. Like, isn't that what I thought? Build a wall. But then apparently the premise is someone offers him money just to drive a car. Okay. And he's like, fine, I'll drive.

I like driving. And it isn't until a couple successful trafficings that he realizes what he's doing. But it's from the screenwriter of Gran Torino. Yes. That's where I'm like, hello. Yeah. Cooper's in it. Bradley Cooper's in it.

Diane Wiest, Michael Pena, Lawrence Fishburne. I mean. I mean, that cast slaps. Yeah. Yes, it does. Yeah, 90-year-old drug mule. He's a real person. You know who's originally going to direct it? Whom?

Ruben Fleischer. Really? Yep. It's crazy to think that project, I mean, just kind of floated away from him like a turd in the wind. Fettuccine. I'm trying to think if there's anything I missed. I like the idea the wind. Fettuccine. I'm trying to think if there's anything to make a mess of. I like the idea of a holiday fettuccine.

It's so nice. That should be a good tradition. Let's have a fett. When he says holiday fettuccine, I picture him bringing out a bowl of fettuccine that's green and red. I picture Christmas Christmas colored pasta.

Oh sure, you could. Spinach pasta and all that, right? Do you think Boba Fett likes fettuccine? Do I think Boba Fett likes fettuccine? What's the joke here? His name? Fett. Boba Fettuccine.

Alright, everyone leave. I didn't say anything. If Boba Fett was a pasta woman, I. Get out. I didn't say anything. If Boba Fett was a possibility, I'll just keep doing another two hours on the holiday. I have all kinds of other thoughts we didn't get to. Wait in bed, come on. He's got a, oh, he has a text file. Oh, I can't wait.

There's a part where Cameron Diaz doesn't know how to work the coffee machine like in a preposterous way. I mean, again, to your robot point. It's not plugged in. And I just, yeah. But I just kept picturing other things she wouldn't be able to do the next morning.

Like she just screams at the sink because she's thirsty. Like it's just insane montage. She's just throwing frying pans at the stove. Jeez. she's just throwing frying pans at the stove jeez it would be great if that movie ended with her exploding a cottage

what else you got Ben this is a long text file okay then I have a a note here that says that Will Blazer is dope that's the

the blazer that he when he is dope. That's the Blazer that when he shows up drunk, he's wearing. I mean, he looks amazing. His glasses are good. All his shirts. He is a snack. He's a real snack. He's like a plate of boba finish. Enough.

Can I tell you what my brain is like? Alright, hold on. One last thing. I'm making a request for fans if they could do this for me. There's the part where we've mentioned Jet. Are you going to be my girl?

And she rocks out. That's like the least like the least rocking song of all time. So you want to overdub something? I want someone to dub Mayhem or Cannibal Corpse or like a Black Flag song.

Like I want to see a cut of that with some real hardcore or some fucking grindcore. What do you got? Or, you know, some speed metal. A, I would love to see that. B, that is one of those sequences

that so clearly was written without them having picked a song out yet. Oh, totally, right. Because she dances the way that no one ever dances in movies where she just flails her fist around and then pretends that the pillow is a guitar. And it's to no beat. It's not insane at all. No one ever dances in movies where she just flails her fist around and then pretends that the pillow is a guitar. And it's to no beat.

It's just like a dance that could be placed over or any. This is true. Right. You making The Greatest Truck of 2018. Of course. Boba Fettuccine. Made me realize the only job I want right now. Okay.

Like literally my dream job, and I'm going to like on the record call that this is my goal for 2019. I would like to be the person who comes up with the names for all the food items at Disney Star Wars Land. Oh, sure. All the puns.

All the required puns. Dengar din salad. Anything else? He's thinking, folks. Potato stew baka? Sure. Boba fettuccine. Anything else, Ben?

The Obi-Wan Kenobi-er garden. Okay. It's more of a location than a... I mean, that's what we call it, then all the items on the list. Just be right, Budweiser. Yeah. The only other note is at the end,

and I guess we're not there yet. I don't know. Okay, that party scene is so manic and insane. Like, I've never seen people... Jack Black's with the children. They're all over. He's scatting. It's so all over the place.

I love it. What's the Jude Law Cameron Diaz relationship going to be? Who's moving where? They can both do their jobs from home. What's the Jack Black Kate Winslet relationship? He says he'll go to England. Okay. Everyone in this movie except for Kate Winslet can do their

job from home. Yes. So I mean it's not that much of a crisis. They're all fine. Yeah. I think how it's going to end up is everyone's got to be in England because Jude's got the kids so he's sort of got that trump card like can't move the kid. Yeah. And Jack is you know yeah moved

to the cottage. I don't like him. He's sort of hobbit size still fit in there. I don't like him. He's sort of hobbit-sized. He'll fit in there. He is hobbit-sized. He lives in the hobbit home. He's so sweet. What's your problem, Griffin, now? You seem grumpy again.

I mean, you know, I just, this movie to me, it's lacking in conflict. I think little Cameron Diaz, Jude Law side of things is pretty much lacking in conflict, but I don't find it charming because I feel like they're so hostile and defensive the whole time. And then the Jack Black Kate Winslet stuff I like but that's essentially a subplot to a subplot because this movie is like

65% Cameron Diaz 35% Kate Winslet and then Kate Winslet's arc is like 65% Eli Wallach. Right. 35% Ben Black. We should mention he goes to his fucking thing and everyone's there and it's nice and they all clap for him.

He walks up the fucking stairs and then he delivers a four-hour screed on like, yeah, in his day Mussolini was in charge of Italy or whatever it is he talks about. Right, which it's not even that they're giving him the Lifetime Achievement Award at the awards ceremony. It's a tribute just to him. It's just an evening. Which he's been rejecting for years. And then from the moment Kate Winslet shows up and finds the letter, it's organized within six days. Yeah.

I don't know. It's just an evening. You don't think people go to these things on Christmas Eve or whatever? WGA West events? They're free. This just feels like a movie that was written by aliens. No, it was written by Nancy Meyers.

But it doesn't. It's a great movie. Grossed. Can I tell? Go ahead. I have one more story about a viewing of this movie. Please.

Which is that the last time I watched this before re-watching this time was in winter of 2016 because I wrote a Bright Wall Dark Room piece about this movie. Oh, really? I did, defending it aggressively aggressively but I watched it with friends around the holidays and

we were watching it at my friend's place and said friend was had just started dating someone who was younger and not like problematic younger but younger enough that we all sort of like eyebrows up and said younger person also had a younger roommate who had tagged along okay who i had been warned was the worst so we had to like sit around and like entertain drinks for like 30 minutes before starting the movie two minutes before we start the movie said worst roommate knocks over an entire bottle of wine red wine so we have to clean that up red red wine um we sit down to watch you before you reference Doug is really off the leash in this

oh my god yes he is fuck back go on Fran finish we sit down to start the movie that's enough

let me say my piece we sit down to start the movie we get 45 seconds into Kate Winslet's like opening monologue and this guy stands up and he's like opening monologue and this

guy stands up and he's like oh i forgot i hate movies and leaves i forgot i hate movies the craziest thing i have told me that's right and then he got in a pod and flew back to the planet melmac right insane the only interaction i've had in my whole life with this person sounds great um was deeply fascinated by that sentence wait i don't want to do this anymore i gotta go oh right ben just we've all been waiting for that ben forgot that he hates podcasts am i correct in thinking this movie ended up at like 45 no it did better than that it made 63 million dollars so all multiplied okay. The opening was pretty low. The opening was only 12.

Is this in the top half of her more? Well, she's only made six movies. No. So it's four. Oh, okay. Right, because it's complicated. Someone's got to give. And What Women Want all cruised past 100.

What Women Want is 182. Something is 124. It's complicated. It was 112. It was 112. In turn was 75. So this is her fifth, actually. 66. Oh, no, it's her sixth. It made less than The Parent Trap. This is her lowest grossing film. It's her lowest grossing film. It costs a little too much money.

It's sort of an undiscovered classic. Right, yeah. Real time and in the rough. It was two hours and 16. I'm just waiting for them to release the Snyder Cut. I feel like everything that doesn't make sense in this movie is because we don't get to see the Snyder cut. I feel like everything that doesn't make sense in this movie is because we don't get to see the Snyder cut. I agree that the movie, that the only problem is that it's not four hours.

Exactly. It did do very well overseas, though. It grossed $141 million. So it made $205 million worldwide, which is pretty healthy. Yeah. It opened on December 8th, 2006 in the number three position.

Number one, though, is a movie Ben Hosley loves, directed by a former Nancy Meyers star. Yade. Well, you once told me you love this movie. I believe it's on the podcast.

It's directed by a former Nancy... Oh, oh, oh. I believe I told you I love this movie. Apocalypto? Yeah. Great movie. Which fucks. Yeah, Mel Gibson. Never seen.

He's scary. I don't like how he's trying to be like, we're going to save these savages from themselves. Yeah, no, no. Problematic. Mel Gibson's problematic AF. I read the ending of that movie very differently. And maybe I'm giving him too much credit because Lord knows he probably has a bad take on everything.

But I always thought the end of that movie was like, look at this guy fighting so hard to save his life. And then he makes it back home and it doesn't matter because now his land is going to be colonized. Like it was all for naught. His whole life is going to be destroyed anyway. It's a weird fucking movie. I thought it was like a very cynical ending, not a like, hey, let us get in there and clean up this mess kind of ending. It's the only fucking movie. I thought it was like a very cynical ending, not a like hey, let us get in there and clean up this mess kind of ending. It's the only movie of his I like.

Oh, I like all his movies. It's a very embarrassing opinion of mine. Brave Heart Rules, Hacksaw Ridge is... Man With No Face? I've never seen that one. Yeah. I'm sure that one's fine. I think Hacksaw Ridge is dumb. It is pretty dumb. Hacksaw Ridge is the one that's the worst one. Passion of the Ridge is dumb. It is pretty dumb. Hacksaw Ridge is the one that's the worst one.

Passion of the Christ is... It's what it is. It's pretty good. It's about that... Have I ever told you... I think I've told this on the podcast. There was a family friend who was from Iraq, was not Christian,

and was so not Christian that he was just not... And he called up and he said I heard about this movie they really beat the shit out of this I just remember I don't remember if we did this on mic or it was just a thing we talked about but after like the Star Wars episodes and we were like how do we replicate this

is there like another franchise we could talk about without context the only good idea was what if we did Passion of the Christ but pretended the Bible didn't exist? We're like, how do you come up with an idea like that? And he plays a Jesus. He does play Jesus. Yes, that's right. Number two is a film Griffin probably loves.

It's a huge hit. It's an animated film. It won the Oscar. Happy Feet? Happy Feet. I love that movie. Oh, really? I love that movie. I think that movie is very bizarre. It's an animated film. It won the Oscar. Happy Feet? I love that movie. Oh, really? I love that movie. I think that movie's very bizarre. It's so weird. It's very

scary. I really like the first 30 minutes. I like it when he's little. I think that when the movie's just him going like, I like to dance. Oh, here I am dancing. It's like a Mumbles the Tap Dancing Pack. Yeah. When he grows up. It's scary. Yeah, then it's weird. Weird movie. George Miller. And then it's like half live

action at the end. Yeah, when he's in the zoo. The museum. The Penguin Museum. That's right. Yeah, it's a very odd film that made an insane amount of money and won the Oscar. It's four weekends in. It's still number two. I think it had been number one three weeks in a row. It beat Casino Royale three weeks

in a row. It was like a weird thing. Both of them made the same amount of money. It was just always a little bit above it yeah yeah but it's the movie that allows george miller to make fury road yep casino royale is number four as you said okay and number five is um a hmm sort of like a hmm how do i describe this movie? How do I describe it, Ben? Like a big, kind of an action movie, but like sort of a socially aware. It's not Siriana, is it? No. That's 2005.

The lead actor's doing an accent. A lot of Oscar nominations. It's a lot of business. It's not good. Oh. Is it Blood Diamond? Yeah. Yeah.

Blood Diamond. A movie I've still never seen. I've never seen it either. Oh. Not the worst but not good not a very big hit uh

well 57 did okay yeah but it got a bunch of Oscar nominations we once had a big fight five yeah that's crazy

we once had a very big fight over whether or not that movie had made 100 million domestic it cost 100 million is the uh right um

yes but no it didn't but you know I think because of the Oscar noms, I guess it kind of qualifies as a hit. Yeah. And it did well worldwide. And I feel people use that movie as a joke when they want to make jokes

about like serious... Yeah, because it's a lot of screaming and crying. Right. I guess Han Su is good in that, right? I like him a lot. I love him as an actor. He does a lot of screaming and crying. It's a pretty one-dimensional role.

I'm so excited for him and Shazam playing a wizard. I'm so excited for him to return to the Marvel Cinematic Universe. I'm so into that Captain Marvel brings back two of the most disrespected characters in the MCU. What's his character's name again? Korath, the Destroyer. Right. I was getting him confused with Malkeith. Not Malkeith.

He's disrespected, too. I'd love him to pop back. Yeah. Dark Elves. Right. But no, Lee Pace is also in Captain America Ronan the Accuser

Ronan the Accuser he's back yeah that's great for him I love Ronan the Accuser I think he's disrespected as I said

yeah I think he rules yeah he's awesome yeah maybe we'll talk about it I accuse him of being undervalued within this franchise you've also got Deja Vu

the fun Denzel movie oh yeah with time got Deja Vu, the fun Denzel movie. Oh yeah. With time travel. Deja Vu was weirdly the biggest spec script sale of all time. And then the movie kind of didn't make much of an impact. But that script got sold for like 10 million dollars.

Cool. Unaccompanied Miners, the Paul Feig movie. That like doesn't exist is based on this American life segment. Yeah weird. Is there just an airport? It's like the terminal

but just for one night. It's kids kid terminal? Right. It's kids who are unaccompanied minors flying alone and the flights get cancelled

because of a snowstorm and they're all stuck Christmas night. Yeah. Which is like kind of like a funny like little slice of life, you know, this American Life segment

about a bunch of kids who had to spend Christmas together as weird latchkey children in an airport. Everybody hates Chris, isn't it, I know? That's the movie he wanted to make, and then Warner Brothers turned it into a hijinks movie where they're trying to prank the security guard, who's Wilmer Valderrama, Louis Black. It's kind of weird cast.

The fat kid from Bad Santa was in it. It was like all kids who had been like shit. Everybody hates Chris. It's great.

Not shit. Yeah. Nativity story deck the halls. Which one's that. Deck the halls is Denny DeVito and are dueling

over like better christmas decorations yes right whoa jesus and their wives in that are kristin davis i think is matthew broderick's wife and then denny devito's wife is someone like that's like a sight gag i think oh no like Iman or like Sigourney Weaver. Someone tall. You're just trying to think of tall people. Yes, that's the joke I'm looking for. It looks like we've got Kristen Chenoweth.

Oh, is DeVito's wife. Yeah. Who's very short. True. Just a different kind of psychic. Right, they're both short. Yeah. Still taller than him, I would imagine.

Santa Claus 3. It's the escape taller than him, I would imagine. Santa Claus 3? Oh, the, it's the escape clause? No, yes, yes. With Martin Short as Jack Frost. Yeah, that's it. Absolute masterpiece. Shorter than the movie. Our episode? Thank God. Ads might buff it out, though. You never know.

Do you want to make your sort of final stand for the movie, Frank? Because I know we've been disrespecting it a lot, and a lot of people love it, and we'll probably get a lot of hate mail for this episode. Yeah, I do feel routinely bullied having returned to the podcast after so long. No, I just think I have such fond memories of this movie.

I think it is ultimately very kind, despite how deranged it is. I think a lot of deranged movies that I like are also sort of maybe a little mean-spirited. Sure. And in this one, it is refreshing just to see people treat each other

thoughtfully after sort of the big opening blow. And I hate Jasper and Jude Law is daddy. He is daddy and that's true. We can't argue with that. I think this is just one of those sort of nostalgia ones for me where I saw it at an appreciable age and I'm always going to defend

it. And there's so many of those movies I actually really don't like and this for me has just been kind of a big sticking point. It is also like kind of a movie that was designed to be shown on TV. Yeah, over four hours with commercial breaks. Right. This is like a TBS like lob up, you know? Yeah, I think

Jack Black is normal in it. I think I think Jack Black is normal in it. I think Kate Winslet is normal in it. I think Jude is normal in it. I think Cameron is normal in it. Is Earl extremely normal? I'm very very fond of it. It's not my favorite. Nancy? Definitely not mine.

What's your favorite Nancy? Something's Gotta Go. I only just saw it for the first time sort of this year. Nancy? Definitely not mine. What's your favorite Nancy? Something's Gotta Go. Correct. It's so good. I mean, not to spoil by any means. I only just saw it for the first time sort of this year. Outrageous. Well, I was too young for it when it came out. I'm still outraged.

Okay, that's fine. David. I just respect that my parents did not take me to that movie when it could have really damaged me. Yeah, I mean, you see a naked lady in that picture. Outrageous. David, to be fair, in France, that could have fucked her up. That could have really messed me up and made me like, ladies, you know? Yeah, what a nightmare that would have been.

Yeah, right. What a problem. If Fran liked having romantic relationships with women? I mean, our world would be so different. The butterfly effect of that, I can't even consider. Yeah. It just wouldn't make sense. David, in Fran's defense, something had to give.

Thank you all for listening. Please remember to rate, review, subscribe. Thanks to Andrew Agudo for our social media. Thanks to Lane Montgomery for our theme song. Joe Bone and Pat Reynolds for our artwork. Go to blankies.red.com for some real nerdy shit. Check out our merch on TeePublic. And as always,

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