Blank Check with Griffin & David - The Jedi Order with Mike Drucker - Revenge Of The Podcast

Episode Date: October 19, 2015

Joining Griffin and David on today’s episode is special guest Mike Drucker (The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon). Together, they discuss the MANY missteps of the Jedi council throughout the Phantom Menace saga, how these errors led to their ultimate demise, the final showdown between General Grievous and Obi-Wan Kenobi, the logistics of Order 66, and try to make sense of the significance of this Chewbacca character? Also, Griffin’s favorite character holy trinity, a grievous merchandise spotlight and of course REMEMBER NO BITS GUYS!

moment of silence for the Jedi Order. Single tear. Just to start out. Let's take one moment of silence. Hello! Welcome to Revenge of the Podcast. I'm Griffin. That was awful, Griffin.

That was so loud. You just totally peaked out. I had to cut the moment of silence with some energy. I didn't want the episode to be a bummer. We're going to talk about some sad stuff. You're right. Come on, Ben. That's producer Ben, of course,

a.k.a. Purdue or Ben, a.k.a. He's getting the intro before I get the intro. The Ben Ducer. He cut in. He cut in. Well, because he yelled in the microphone. Because I wanted to cut the silence.

You're doing it again. I'm watching your levels right now. Okay, I'm going to talk very quietly now. Hi, this is Griffin. This is David Sims. Welcome to Revenge of the Podcast. Part of the storied Griffin and David present franchise. The rude interruption of my emotional oscillation was from Producer Ben, a.k.a.

Purdue Urban, a.k.a. The Ben Ducer, a.k.a. The Haas, a.k.a. Mr. Positive, a.k.a. Hello, Final. Oh, my God. Fuck this movie. Yep.

Seriously. I didn't rewatch it since the last time I watched it, but just on the way over here thinking about talking about it again, it's just so painful. What is this, how many have we done now? This is four out of ten. No, no, it's not four. It's not four. Yes it is. Are you serious? Yep, 100%.

No, it's five. No, it's four. This is four. That outburst of anger, this is a new speed. I literally thought this was the sixth episode we'd done on this stupid movie. This is four out of ten we do 10 episodes okay on each movie oh no i'm talking to our guests that oh my god it's coming from our our wonderful guest uh the great mike drucker hello comedian writer uh works out works on the tonight show which we found along with uh chase mitchell a former guest of ours yeah we had chase. Chase was with us when we discovered there was a third Phantom Menace movie.

It was huge. Yeah. Yeah, because Mike, I know you're a big fan of the Phantom Menace trilogy, so you probably knew all this in advance. But we came into this

kind of neophytes. We were huge Phantom Menace fans. Right. But somehow... Is that our story? I thought it was that we just sort of remembered eventually that there were scenes.

No, no, because you're forgetting that I saw... When I saw the first one when it came out, I said it was the best one yet. You did. Best movie ever made. Best movie anyone had made yet. We were huge Phantom Menace fans. We wanted to do a podcast,

10 episodes, just to re-examine it. Much to our surprise, we found out that George had in fact made a sequel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Attack of the Clones. 10 episodes on that one, we're ready to move on. Chase was here. And then we found out that in fact fact, there was a third film. He completed the trilogy. And so now we're trying to figure out this serial-style mystery investigation that we've pretty much dropped.

What is this trilogy supposed to be about? Is this, did he tell the complete story? What is it trying to say? Right? Something like that? I don't know. Some investigation like that. Yeah, whatever.

But you're a big fan. I'm a big fan of the trilogy. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, personally, I think, like, if you look at the movies coming out, like, you know, the first one's before 9-11. It's the happiest one of the trilogy. Yeah.

And then after that, not that everything's about 9-11, but it gets much darker and you find the characters you like turning to evil. And it might be a statement about America's Turn that he didn't plan ahead of time when he made the first one. You know, the first movie ends on a big upswing, right? Right, big upswing. Gungan save. Yeah. Sith defeated.

Trade Federation diffused. Second movie ends. You got Clone Wars starting. Anakin lost an arm. Yeah. And then this one, this one's just a tragedy. It's a pitiable tragedy. Yeah.

Yeah, I would argue this movie feels like a film made by a man who has lost the will to live. Which is how we all felt sort of four years after 9-11. Yeah, like Mike is saying, though, also a man who hates all institutions. Right. And government. Yeah. And overturn and government. Overturn the government.

You know, this is a movie about every institution crumbling into death. Yeah, this is a movie of severe distrust. Because at the end of the day, even though Anakin is presented as acting worse than Obi-Wan, the Jedi's and the Republic are both represented as being bad, shitty forces in a way. Yes. Headless, foolish forces in a way. Yes. Headless, foolish, easily corruptible. Yeah. I think the Jedi's are to blame as much. So we're talking about the Jedi Order today.

We're talking about the Jedi Order. Okay, of course. We've done an episode on Anakin. Okay. We've talked about Palpatine. Right. But we want to talk about how the rest of the Jedi's are functioning in this movie. Not well.

Not well. Not well. Really, really, everything they've been doing wrong comes back to bite functioning in this movie. Not well. Not well. Really, everything they've been doing wrong comes back to bite them in the ass. For three movies. For three movies, we've been getting warnings like, hey, it turns out they're Sith Lords. Yeah.

It's been hinted at pretty heavily. Let's keep an eye on that. Oh, hey, someone in the Jedi Order ordered a clone army without us noticing that. That's weird. Aren't we psychic? Yeah. Like, shouldn't we be on this? Yeah.

The third movie, like, oh, yeah, the whole clone army, they're genetically programmed to kill us. We missed this. Well, what I hate is you see the first movie, and you have two Jedis that are just fighting incredibly well against one guy, obviously. But then the more Jedi you add to every movie, the worse they are. To the third movie, where they order Order 66 and they're just shot. Yeah, they just get shot.

They just get shot. Like one lady doesn't even turn around. Like she definitely senses shit, but she doesn't turn around. Can I say shit? Oh, you can say anything you want. Okay, say whatever you want. I don't know if this is Hasbro pays for this.

Yeah, Hasbro does pay for this, but you can say whatever you want. Second, I mean... Griffin has paid Hasbro for this. I paid Hasbro. You can say whatever you want but just advance notice just because you're a comedian you're a comedic writer and i understand i you know come from the same world this is a no bits podcast we should make it very clear we hate bits we don't believe in bits we want to talk this is a serious film criticism podcast we want to talk openly

about the films we're discussing with no sort of overarching bits. Don't give me more work. I don't want to have to do any editing in post. Right, exactly. No bits. Back into the third and final film in the Phantom Menace trilogy. Mike is totally right. Mike's right.

Because, yeah, it's like the Jedis, they're supposed to be these sort of chess-type games when they fight. You know, it's like, wow, you're watching them. They're perfectly balanced. Yeah, and then it's like, I don't know, bang, bang, they're supposed to be these sort of these chess type games when they fight. Yeah. You know, it's like, wow, like you're watching them. They're perfectly balanced. Yeah. And then it's like, I don't know, bang, bang, they're dead. Next one. Yeah.

Well, and I think, you know. Because this is supposed to be 15,000 Jedis, something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Like someone gives that, throws that number out at some point. Like there's something like 15,000 Jedis around the planet. They all just get shot. I do think more than anything that is representative of,

and not to keep on beating this drum, but a filmmaker who has kind of lost interest. I don't know. Right, because the way we've done a lot of research into how the big shift in filmmaking between episode one, episode two, that was pushed even further into three, where it was really all in front of a green screen, not even having the actors in the same scene often

and stitching them together in post in front of digital backdrops and this and that. Yeah. And a lot of it was done a lot more on the fly, whereas the first one, I think, had a lot of extensive planning. Yeah. And so the first one, you feel like really sharp, precise choreography and fight sequences that are shot and edited around those moves and built. And really thought out.

Yeah. And this just feels like he had, especially when there are group scenes where you have more than one Jedi on screen. Yeah, they just die. Yeah, but it feels like he just had each actor come in one by one into a soundstage and go like, just do some stuff with your lightsaber.

Yeah, wave it around. Yeah, wave it around a bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Film them for two minutes and then copy-pasted them into other scenes later. Like, it's so nonspecific. Yeah.

When these guys are supposed to be the best guys and gals, let's say. Yeah. And you know what? I'm not fucking gender binary when it comes to Jedis. Sure. Although all Jedis do seem to be male or female. Yeah, and if they're aliens and they're women, we can tell they're women.

They're like big, sexy alien women. Yeah. Big, sexy alien women. Yeah, like Yaddle. That big. What happens to Yaddle? I think she just quits. We don't see Yaddle. We don't see Yaddle. Yeah.... What happens to Yaddle? I think she just quits. We don't see Yaddle.

We don't see Yaddle. Yeah. She's only in movie one, right? Let's just say, I mean, you know, we are acknowledging that George is making films that reflect the world that we live in. Sure. And Yaddle was, I think, about 6,000 years old. She was an old lady. And women tend to lose career opportunities, you know, in their 40s.

So if Yaddle, if 6,000 is the equivalent, you know, she might have just gotten pushed out for, because Yala Secura shows up in episode two. Yaddle's gone. Yala Secura's wearing a halter top.

She's the one with the, she's a Twi'lek, right? Yeah. She's got the two sort of, the Leku? What's the word for it? The things? Oh, they're called Leku?

They're called something with an L. That's a good pull, Mike. I think that's what they're called. Mike might be deeper into Wikipedia than we are. I could be wrong, though. It could be a totally different word, and I seem like an asshole. That's what all our listeners are thinking right now.

All our Twi'lek listeners are so mad right now. What an asshole. She's who I'm thinking of when I say big, sexy alien moon. Right, but Yaddle's phased out. Yaddle just fucking put in the time. She just disappears. Yeah. They need a sexier, flashier Jedi.

Little reverse housekeeping here to get on to a point. Oh, sure, sure, sure. Reverse housekeeping. First of all, it always needs to be said, please rate and review. Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah, go ahead. Yeah. No, because Ben's here on a Sunday.

We're recording on a Sunday right now. It's crazy. We got to line those coffers. Week after crazy. We got to line those coffers. Week after week, we got to line those coffers. The reviews have been nice. I appreciate them. I especially appreciate how many people say that Ben is their favorite part of the show. Great.

And imply that we are monsters. We are monsters. We are monsters. But adorable monsters. Subscribe. Review. All these shows. you know uh this and that uh last week we we was a dark week for us uh psychologically you mean like but also we didn't have an episode

last week you were filming because i was filming and i was in washington dc actually okay yeah so we had we had things that we were doing at first i thought you meant like someone died like it was just a real dark week. All the Jedi's died. Every single Jedi. About 14,995 Jedi's died. Two or left? Two or three. I don't count any Jedi anymore. Oh that's

the second point we have to make is Mike just so you can feel safe in this environment if you aren't already. Sith Lords are not allowed to listen to this podcast. This is a thing Griffin's been doing recently. I'm only half on board with it. I don't want people rating us fucking zero stars. I mean, wouldn't it only be two ratings? That's true.

There's only a master and an apprentice. We got one one-star rating so far. Okay, but who was it? I don't want that second shoe to drop. The master or the apprentice. I don't know. But which one was it? Well, here's what you do.

This is what I'm saying. That's an episode one, that exchange of dialogue. Yoda and Mace Windu. Oh, look, seems like it was a Sith Lord. Which was it, the Master and the Apprentice? I don't know. Let's do no work on this. Let's just not do work on this.

The way to figure out who, whether it's the Master or the Apprentice, is look up the age of the person who commented. And if they are 90 years old then they are the apprentice yeah you're talking yeah because you got to get some young buck apprentices um i i tweeted out uh as a joke that we weren't recording because i was filming the new colin trevorrow movie yeah a lot of people took that seriously well congratulations thank you i just want to clearly say that i would I would never work for Colin Trevorrow

and I have no hesitation saying that publicly because I doubt that Colin Trevorrow will ever make a film that I want to be in. I will say that. I don't mind what bridges

I burn publicly. Colin Trevorrow will never direct a film that I have any interest in being part of the cast. As we said, no bits. No bits. Yeah, a sort of sub-theme in this podcast is Griffin just

ruining his career. I'm ruining my career. I'm burning it to the ground. Straight just shit. I have no allies anymore. Anyway. Anyway. The Jedi. Avery Edison, our long-time listener, tweeted at us complaining that we didn't have an episode, and she said, I'm so angry at you. I'd accuse you of being a Sith Lord, but you seem too

self-aware for that. And I, oh, I, funny meme came up with, I made a picture on my phone. I think I sent to you. Yeah. Yeah. Of Yoda. Right. It was like a fake subway poster and it was Yoda. And it said, if you see something, completely ignore it and never talk about it ever again

or whatever it is. And that really does seem to be the way the Jedi's function throughout this entire movie. They clock it once. Yeah. They definitely clock it once and then they just disregard it. Well, they also like seem to ignore all the the Jedi's function throughout this entire movie. They clock it once. Yeah. They definitely clock it once, and then they just disregard it. Well, they also seem to ignore all the, they're like, oh, there's a Sith Lord, and they're pretty crazy, and then they're like, what about Count Dooku? Nah, he's probably fine.

He's just an old- He's an old Jedi. He's an old Jedi. I mean, he wouldn't do something evil. He just broke off from the Jedi Order and did his own thing. Yeah, and founded a huge army and chopped off Anakin's arm. But he wouldn't be a Sith Lord. Is it just really inconvenient to have a

Sith Lord? Also, everyone who has ever left the Jedi Order has become evil. And he got a kid with a woman. He just became a real estate agent. He didn't want all the hullabaloo, the rat race. But is it like, yeah, is it like bedbugs or something? You know, you're getting bites,

but you just don't want to have bedbugs. I think that's kind of it. So you're just like, it's a mosquito. I don't know. There was a spider in my room the other day. Hey, don't worry about it. Out of my control. And the thing that bugs me is there's constant scenes in all three movies, or at least the

last two, of Yoda and Mace Windu just hanging out in that like dark room that they hang out. Yeah. A little meditation room. It's a little office, yeah. Do they never chat about office. Do they never chat about this? Do they never, you know? Do they be batting a couple theories back and forth?

Also, I understand George Lucas is trying to develop his own world with these three movies, but the word younglings, whenever it's said, just makes me... I can believe everything. I can believe there's international space women I want to have sex with, but not that the word youngling is in Carmen Perlance anywhere.

Carmen Perlance anyway. Carmen Perlance. Carmen Perlance. Within the Phantom Menace universe. That's what it's called. It's called Carmen Perlance. That does sound like a Star Wars character. Youngling sounds like, it's a predatory word. There's a line in that Padme says, I think in episode three, where it's something along

the lines of, he got the younglings. And I'm like, how did you direct that scene? Like, how did you say, like, tell another human to say that? And they were like, all right, sure, I'll cash this check. I'm pretty sure they must have just sprung in on it last day of filming.

Like, Natalie, we need one more thing. We actually, oh my God, just say it right now. Okay, we got it. Let's go. The toughest part from a directing standpoint was that George Lucas had to CGI out the vomit coming out of Natalie Portman's mouth as she delivered that line. There was vomit just trickling from the corners of her mouth as she said, young...

Padme. Padme. Padme. My God. That's our next episode. Next episode, we're going to talk about The Lack of Padme. We've got to be focused. We've got to be razor sharp.

We've got six more episodes to get through. How are we going to do six more episodes? I've got a whole plan. Oh, God. It's got to be focused. We've got to be razor sharp. We've got six more episodes to get through. How are we going to do six more episodes? I've got a whole plan. Oh, God. It's going to be four fan fiction episodes. Okay, so. That I can get on board with. Yeah.

Jedi Order. There's the opening sequence. They're fighting together, right? Then they come back. Palpatine asks Anakin to be his representative. So's division. He so's division. He goes to the Jedi.

The Jedi's are like, we will not let you become a Jedi master, but we'll let you have a seat in the council, which is a real slap in the face. Yeah. Real dick move. And then they're also, but do spy on Palpatine for us, please. Right. So Anakin now starts spending a lot of time with Palpatine, buddy, buddy, as we've talked about in previous episodes, which sets the stage to now have the other Jedi's go, what

do we do? And they go, well, that Grievous guy. Right. Oh, God, General Grievous. I just saw it, and I always forget him. I know. Right? You always forget that guy.

It's like, I don't know. He's just not threatening to me. No, because he's coughing. It's because he's a coughing robot. Yeah. I guess we're going to talk about Grievous a little bit. We got to talk about Grievous some more. I call him Lord Robotussin.

And also, I guess he's like... Mike didn't like that. No, Mike didn't like that. God, I'm never gonna get fired up. That would have died in the writer's room. Oh my god. He's got an alien head and the rest is droid. Which is cool in theory, but

you don't get any more from that. You're just like, oh, he's got weird eyes. He's got bits. He's got human bits. Backstory would have been fun. Backstory? Yeah. Is his real name Grievous? Is that just convenient? It's very convenient. Is it like John Grievous?

John Grievous. John William Grievous. No, yeah. To introduce a coughing robot with no explanation and have that be his first scene. And he's wearing a cloak. And he's got a limp.

He's got a limp. It's so much business. It's so much business. It's so much business. And then he's like, hello, he talks like Dracula. And he's like, I collect lightsabers. And it's like too many bits. Too many bits in one character.

But think about it. Episode one, you got Darth Maul. He's so cool. He's all, you know, it's like too many bits. Too many bits in one character. But think about it. Episode one, you got Darth Maul. He's so cool. Yeah. He's all, you know, he's got horns. He's got, like, painted face. Very intimidating. Very intimidating.

Episode two, like, your sort of sub-villain, I guess, is Jango Fett, who has a jetpack. He's all right. He's not bad. And the third one, they were like, we really, you know, we really need to cook up a good because it's sort of like a video game. He's the sub-boss. He's your second from last boss. Jedi killing robot.

What is he? He spins lightsabers. It sounds cool. When I heard all about this, it sounded so cool. And then you see it and you're like, you're not really using it. Yeah, you're not using it. He's a little CGI blob that Obi-Wan sort of just jumps into. Yeah.

Well, we have a term we use coined by previous guest Morgan Evans for when George lets the characters really go loose physically, which is when they start flubbering. Yeah, they just turn into flubber. When you just have things moving around. Yes. And part of the problem is he has two straight movies where an infirm old actor has to do a lot of lightsaber fighting. So then they just flubber. I went to the Grievous Wikipedia page because I think we do have enough questions about the backstory I do want to see.

We go from the start of the Clone Wars to the robot army is led by a robot cyborg in internal organs. That we've never heard of before. Who we've never heard of, who's killed a bunch of Jedis. Apparently. Or just four. And stolen their lightsabers. At least four.

You're supposed to assume he's killed a lot, but it could, like, he just started this collection. Do you think he was like, all right, four. I have four arms, so I'm going to stop there. It just seems like it's, like, the Jedi on one hand are, like, always aware of everything. But as soon as they turn their back to you, they don't remember you're there. This is exactly why this movie is so frustrating. You can't have the Jedi's be so all powerfully aware and then have this movie happen. Right?

They're bad. And also like when the five of them face Palpatine and suddenly none of them know how to use a lightsaber. Like there's like they go to the rest. Oh, yeah, right. And he just sort of dives right into them. Yeah, he just dives right in, and they're all like, oh, yeah, shit. We didn't expect this when we turned on our lightsabers. And have been told this guy's a Sith Lord.

Like, we literally just found this out. Okay, so this is a really big bummer. And it's way too long So I'm just gonna breeze over some of this Really just bite-sized chunks with this But he was like an organic alien creature They have a picture of him here He looks like sort of like a tribal

Like an Amazonian tribal warrior Sort of half-assed He's got a mask that looks kind of like The Grievous robot mask now But he's like humanoid in structure, and he was on this primitive planet with these cockroach aliens, or these praying mantis aliens.

Praying mantis aliens. That is a praying mantis alien, my friend. Constantly attacking them. He had a weird amount of anger that everyone always commented upon. Ooh, this boy. Too angry. What's his name?

His original name was... He sure is Grievous. Yeah. Well, well. Uh-oh. Well, his original name was Quaman Jai Shalal. Well, well. His original name was Quamen Jai Shalal. Too Jewish.

He had to change it for showbiz. Too ethnic. But he, everyone was like, you're too angry. You should funnel this anger into something productive like fighting off these praying mantises that attack. He became very good at fighting them off. But everyone was always worried about his

anger. He met a woman. He fell in love. She died. Was taken from him. Oh, come on now. Oh, jeez. And then, yeah, the two of them were separated. She died violently on a barbed shear by the creature. Shalal did what he could to bury his... This is the relevant paragraph.

A barb. This is the relevant paragraph I'm going to read. Okay. Shalal did what he could to bury his grief. Shalal. To bury his... This is the relevant paragraph. A barb. This is the relevant paragraph I'm going to read. Okay. Shalal did what he could to bury his grief. Shalal. To bury his grief. Uh-huh. Okay, yeah. He ended up taking ten wives and siring thirty children. What? But none of them, spouse or child, seemed to be able to fill the void

Kumar's death had left in him. Is Kumar his wife? His ex-wife, yeah. Eventually he realized that it was his destiny to mourn her for as long as he lived. With this realization, Queeman Jai Shalal cast off his own identity, adopting a name more appropriate to being destined to grieve forever. And even more terribly, he was determined that he would not do so alone. He would be grievous as well as heartbroken for the rest of his life. Wait, is he a real general?

I guess he was later promoted to general. Yeah, he was later promoted to general yeah he was later promoted to general he was then later fighting in a ship and the ship was bombed and he was blown up and they rebuilt him for he's like the

six million dollar man basically he also has the exact same fucking arc as Anakin he was a young boy that everyone said had too much anger he fell in love

with someone that love led to his own insecurity changed his name to something crazy yeah and then was rebuilt as a robot person. But I don't think Darth Vader's going to take 10 wives.

I don't either. That's a wrinkle. I don't either. It's 30 children? Imagine also, like, who's your dad? It's the guy who named himself Grievous. Screaming Jay Hawkins had like 100 kids. Do you know General Grievous?

Yeah, he's my dad. He's my dad, but he really never got over some other lady, not my mom. Is he a good dad? Well, it's like,

sometimes I feel like he is. Well, he's good at fathering people. I don't know if he's a good father. It's okay. I have nine stepmothers. Yeah. Yeah.

10 wives, 30 children. None of them were able to fill the hole. Could you imagine just being like the 28th kid and turning five and him going like, nah, this one's not gonna cut it. I really thought you could be it. Grievous sucks.

He's a shitty character. It says here he smokes two packs a day. Are you serious? Space cigarettes. Are you sure you're not reading your own Wikipedia, Ben? You got me. Does he really? Is that what it says? No, I just made that up. Ben never reads anything on Wikipedia.

He's a sane man. Ben checks his email when we're recording. I remind you, Ben, that cigarettes do not exist in the Phantom Menace universe, only death sticks. Sorry, guys. The guy in not exist in the Phantom Menace universe, only death sticks. Oh, sorry, guys. Excuse me.

The guy in the bar in Attack of the Clones. A. Lance Lee's Bagano, part of my holy trinity of favorite characters from Attack of the Clones, which brings me to the only character I like in Revenge of the Sith. You like a character in Revenge of the Sith? Mm-hmm. Okay. I previously disregarded your suggestion that this character could be my favorite character because I said it was too general, but I found out there's a full wikipedia entry on them as well uh who is it

yeah who obi-wan follows uh the lead to the planet where what the hell is the planet called actually where where he's hanging out i don't know it's sort of the jungle planet but it's like oh it's like a big hole right like the whole planet the whole city it's like someone drilled a big hole in the ground and it's sort of like there's like a Guggenheim level you know, like where there's all these sort of spiraling sub-levels. It's not Kashyyyk. No? Is it Utapau?

It might be something like that. We're all bummed out just saying these names. Tian Midan. We're bummed out that we know these names. What? Tian Midan. Who's that? Who is the tall dude with the slits on his face and the sharp teeth. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, with the sort of high collar.

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's played by Bruce Spence. This guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Bruce Spence, who is the gyrocopter pilot in The Road Warrior, Who's like a fucking awesome... I think you expect us to go, what? Holy cow.

No, he's like a cool fucking Australian. Well, because this movie was shot in Australia. Yeah. He's a cool fucking actor. He was the mouth of Sauron in Return of the King. Sure, yeah. He was one of the side sharks in Finding Nemo. Yeah, you were right.

It was Utapatu. Hey. Utapau. Utapau. Hey Hey. Utapau. Utapau. Hey now. Utapau? How long did George spend on that name?

Sometimes I'm not trying to be childish here. I'm trying to grow up on this podcast. But sometimes I really do think that George just recorded the sounds of himself pooping and then named things after the sounds that the poop made when it hit the water. Mostafa. Utafa. Kr of all. Kashyyyk. Yeah. Most words in this universe sound like diarrhea sounds. How many Y's are in

the name Kashyyyk? All the Y's. Just put all the Y's you got in there. Yeah, if there were a vowel, just make it a Y. That's sort of the rule. He goes to Tian Mi Dan and he's like, hey, I'm looking for Grievous. And Tian Mi Dan's like, no Grievous here. And he's like, because there's this war going on. He's like, nope, no war here, no Grievous.

Don't know what you're talking about. And he's like, do you mind if I use the bathroom quickly? And Tian Mi Dan's like, sure, use the bathroom. Hold on, I just have one thing to tell you. There's a ton of war going on here. Grievous is right here. Grievous is literally downstairs. Right.

But he leans in and speaks in a quieter voice, but not that quiet a voice. We're like, I don't understand how anyone who was spying on him, because then they cut to the balcony and there's like a balcony that's like maybe a hundred feet away

where one of Grievous' like Magna guards is spying on them. And it's like, oh, he didn't raise any suspicion when Obi-Wan was there. Yeah, I understand what you're saying. I don't know. It's stupid. Whatever, whatever. D you're saying. I don't know. It's stupid.

Whatever, whatever. Dumb, dumb. So he's like, you gotta, you gotta, Grievous is here. Please kill General Grievous. Please kill General Grievous. He is in room A14.

He's in conference room A14. He is here. Yeah, anyway. He's giving a lecture. Am I right? This planet's like the Guggenheim. It's like a weird tube in the ground. I also think for a series of films that are hyper-titled Star Wars,

I don't think Georgie Porgie understands what a war is. Because any time a war is brought up in this movie, he's like, no, there's a ton of war on this planet. And you see the planet, and it just looks like a museum. There's no battle happening. Well, the other thing is the movie's called Star Wars, and they're like, oh, shit, we're at the clone wars at the end of attack of the clones right all right this is gonna be awesome we're gonna see all this war and then we cut to like 10 years later it's

like well the war's over we just finished the war yep and with that yeah yeah and and the way the war breaks out at the end of attack of the clones is like if they called in cops to mediate a boxing match that got out of hand and then it turned into a war. They send in the clones because there's a bad arena battle happening and then within 13 seconds it's a full on war.

Yeah, within 13 seconds people are being loaded into ships. So. Yeah, who's your favorite character? Tiamidon goes, hey, you want to help find Grievous? Jump on that thing right there. And it is Boga!

Yeah, he's a dactyl, a veridactyl. Okay, yeah, I thought it was a dactyl. I've been misspeaking for the last couple weeks. It's a veractyl from Utapau. It looks like an iguana, right? Yes. It's a big iguana. It's a big iguana.

Obi-Wan rides it around in some of the worst most spectacularly bad cgi right it's also like it just feels like they're like oh we could do this so let's make the scene with no real purpose to it yeah it's kind of like should obi-wan just walk over there nah let's get an iguana yeah what if he rode a giant lizard and everyone's like sure george there might as well be people like carrying plate glass and like that he could smash through it. Like, I mean, it's that sort of like unnecessarily silly.

It also feels like the movie was made with less enthusiasm. The movies were made increasingly less enthusiasm. Like, one is weird, but fun. Yeah.

Two is terrible, but trying to do interesting things. Yeah. And then this one's just like, I don't know, what a little lizard. It all turns bad. Like, at least in two, you had like a wacky bounty hunter. Yeah. And then this one's just like, I don't know, what a little lizard. It all turns bad. Like at least in two,

you had like a wacky bounty hunter. Yeah. You had like that fat dude who owned a diner. Dexter Jester. Part two of My Holy Trinity. Yeah, you're hitting all of Griffin's favorites.

Yeah, we see very similarly. Let's see if you can get the third guy in Attack of the Clones. I don't remember who it is. I'm trying to remember who it is. Oh, it's the returning character

from Phantom Menace. Oh, Watto? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Watto it is. Oh, it's the returning character from Phantom Menace. Oh, Watto? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Watto plus Hattany? My Holy Trinity from Phantom Menace is Watto... It's just that Watto's not in this one.

...is Watto, Boss Nass, and Tarples? That's who you like in this one? No, in Phantom Menace, that was my Holy Trinity, right? Watto, Boss Nass, and Tarples? But then there was TC-14. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, I love TC-14.

Oh, my God, Mike. I love TC-14. How do we not get you on here soon? You really should have been on this podcast from the beginning. We are birds of a feather. Well, I just heard Boga's entire Wikipedia entry and there's nothing of interest in there. Because you had said maybe that's your favorite character and I said I don't think because

I don't think it's a defined character. I think it's just part of a species. It has a name though. Boga and she's it's female and she's the fastest on the planet that's all they have to say about her the other thing it says is that uh obi-wan leaves her for dead because he assumes that she dies but she doesn't she goes on to live a long life she falls yeah but she survives the fall it says she goes on to live a long life like yeah does she have kids or yeah yeah probably some iguana babies yeah she has 10 husbands 30 children but none of them replace the the part of her heart that obi-wan held um does obi-wan just kind of randomly jump on her or is she like given to him i can't remember i think tiaminon's like go jump on

we have this lizard yeah do you know she's the fastest on the planet i know it's a big imposition to ask you to kill general grievous, but maybe if you jumped on this iguana. Let's sweeten the deal. You can ride my lizard. You don't even have to give it back. It's cool. Let it fall as far as you want.

It'll live a long life. This is my favorite section of the movie. I don't know why. I'll tell you why. Although I can't name another section that I really prefer. Yeah, I have no favorite section of this one. No, this is why. And I liked it, I'll say, a lot less this time than the first time.

Sure. Rewatching it. Now this fourth rewatch or whatever it is. But it's my favorite section of the movie because it's fucking silly. It is very silly. It's very silly. And Ewan McGregor is playing it up. Yeah.

He's having some fun. He's doing like a sort of Harold Flynn, old-timey swashbuckler. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like really broad. And the rest of this movie is so laden and like fucking just self-serious

and everything. And it's like, you know, we've talked... Except for the opera house scene. Except for the opera house scene. Oh, yeah. We've talked about

how fucking funny Phantom Menace is and how much we're missing those wall-to-wall laughs in this movie. I don't mean comedy, but if you're doing it in a movie that's set in space,

why not, and everything's CGI, and you can create anything you want, why not have a fucking dude on a lizard chasing a coughing robot on a one-wheeled bike? Because it's too much stuff. No, just stuff. It's so much stuff. I'm saying maybe he should have that much stuff.

No. Look at the original movie. They're actually on a set. Yeah. It's like the original movie, Phantom Menace. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I'm talking about. There's CG windows and everything.

Yes. No, it's clean. It's clean, but you can actually see sets, whereas all the CG, you can tell that nothing's actually happening. Yeah, it's blur on blur on blur. Like Darth Maul is a real person. Yes. I mean, not a real person.

No, he is. He's a real person. Yeah,, not a real person. No, he is. He's a real person. He's a real person. You know, whereas Grievous is just a CG villain. Yeah, who voiced him? Some guy, right? It was the sound guy. It was Matthew Wood, who was the sound designer.

It was like a sound engineer. Because Gary Oldman was supposed to do it, and then he couldn't do it. Yeah. So they were just like, I don't know, you do it. Just get some guy, make him cough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you do like a Dracula voice? All right, great.

But this is, you know. Kenobi this really feels like a movie that was directed 50% by a special effects team left entirely their own devices and George has said as much in like behind the scenes stuff that he like for these big action sequences wrote a sentence that's like Obi-Wan chases Grievous down a

hall and then was like you come up with whatever you want great writing yeah like 15 minutes of visuals. You know, when people say show, don't tell, they don't mean don't tell anything. They don't mean show and keep secrets. Just show some shit and just do that.

It is literally that. I mean, yeah. I don't know, it's some business. Give us some business. We need some business now. This is a business-y movie. And then. So Obi-Wan rides Boga up to the rafters, right?

Right. He's like in a theater. He's like watching the council of all the bad guys. Yeah, as you do. Right. And Grievous is going like, go to Mustafar. I'll meet you there. Yeah.

Then Obi-Wan jumps off a boga drops down like very theatrically like yeah this part is actually okay where ewan mcgregor is kind of like you know he's sort of doing all these like stances and he's he's being like i'm gonna kill you you motherfucker you know like essentially right he's like grievous i'm a jedi and grievous is like well i was trained by a jedi who cares That dude Dooku So just as good Throws off his cape Reveals that he has four arms Yeah

Puts a lightsaber They kind of split apart Yeah Yeah Right So they look pretty weak Cause like each arm Is technically half of an arm

Yeah Yeah It's like It's like split string cheese It's also It's also just that annoying thing Where they're like Like

Look at this toy See Like move all of his arms you know it's just a little much you could just see the push button yeah they all spin yeah you're also given no time to be afraid of it you're not you don't see him use it like against other Jedi before in the movie it's a very good point

you know where you're like oh shit this thing exists you're like alright he's got this other thing now it's just him saying like see I got lightsabers from other people unseen like the only other time we've seen Grievous is when he captured Obi-Wan and Anakin at the start of the movie and they immediately just take their lightsabers back

and he wasn't really fighting that much. No he's just coughing. He's running after him shooting his blaster a little bit but he wasn't like a fucking physical acrobatic guy and not to mention that he's so run down he's coughing he's hunched over. The second he throws

his cape off suddenly he has the most mobility any character has ever had in any film. Right? So he splits off he's got four lightsabers.

Yeah. He kind of spins them. Yeah. Obi-Wan does not win this fight. I know that yes Obi-Wan wins this fight. Yeah.

I know this is a sci-fi movie. I know we have to suspend our disbelief. Grievous takes the fucking forearms and starts spinning them at, like, full speed, like 500 miles per hour. Yeah. So he's just got, like, two windmills going on either side. Yep, right. All he has to do is walk close to Obi-Wan.

Yeah. And Obi-Wan is dead. And instead, Lucas lets Obi-Wan slowly beat him one arm at a time. Yeah. You know? Like, his forearms are spinning so fast, and then he just goes, like, one hand, done, and then, like, makes a pithy remark. And then, like, second hand, done. No, absolutely not.

You just think it's not plausible? Well, I mean, to Mike's point from earlier, his fighting is less precise than it was in Phantom Menace when he was fighting one guy with two blades. Yeah, but that's because that guy was played by a person. Right. And they could figure out stunts together. Right. But that's the problem. Yeah, that is the problem.

But everyone's just kind of standing still. What was Grievous? Because you know with Jar Jar, Ahmed Best was in a suit, right? He was like, was there a guy there? What is it? Who's he fighting? I think they just had a tennis ball and a stick and they're like all right i'll swing his arms like

crazy it really doesn't feel like he has it's all after the fact all the lightsaber stuff in this one it's just i mean not yeah obi-wan versus anakin i think you know they they they got some stuff done there right they're kind of bashing away but apart from that yeah because it was two real people i'm sure they were in the same yeah yeah so because like when you know insidious like kills the pterodactyl guy or whatever i don't know the pterodactyl guy doesn't you know it doesn't make carry him he's taking him down one hand at a time yeah right yeah yeah yeah okay which really feels like a video game where it's like right here's the boss level you have to target it on one arm yeah yeah weak spot weak spot weak spot and then when he's

down to i don't know two arms arm, whatever he's got left, Grievous does this thing where he flips back and then turns into a scorpion. This happens so quickly that it barely registers. And again, you have no reason to know this is going to happen, so it doesn't have an effect on you when it does. But he becomes Scorponok from Transformers. His body completely recalibrates where then his head is at the front and his legs are over his head and his arms are like tentacles crawling on the floor he's not

really fair no no i mean i don't think he has to be no but it's just kind of annoying it's kind of annoying yeah but like where's that cough where's this when because when we first see him and he's coughing and he's so feeble he wasn't putting putting on a fake show. He wasn't pulling a Gene Wilder walking out with a limp to then roll over and do this. Because he's limping and coughing in front of his co-workers. He's just like, don't let the Jedi's in. And then suddenly he's got

four arms. He can transform into different animals. Maybe like the tragedy of General Grievous is he only feels good when he's fighting. And that's it. Reading into the backstory there, I like it. That was his real love all along. Well, anyway, he dies. He dies.

He dies. Let's talk about the shitty way, which really bugs me. Because you got Obi-Wan here. He's a Jedi master. He uses a blue lightsaber. He kills people with it. He chops them into little pieces. As he's out here, he picks up a blaster.

He opens Grievous' thing with his literal, like with his hands. He sees that Grievous has like organic matter in his chest. He sees he has a heart so what does he do? He shoots it dead. We all know

if you shoot a heart it blows up like a bomb. Yeah. That your entire body catches on fire and you explode. And like fire pours out of your eyes.

Right, so he sees the heart and then has that realization. But I just hate that he's like, ha ha, I've got you. I'll just pick this up right here and there you go. Right. So he sees the heart and then has that realization. But I just hate that he's like, ha-ha, I've got you. I'll just pick this up right here. And there you go.

Right. I think it might even be Grievous' blaster that he dropped earlier. It's so lame. So stupid. Ugh. I hate this movie. To your point, not only was there like- This is your favorite scene?

No, the part where he's riding Booga is my favorite. Specifically, it's when he's- The chase. I like the chase. Yeah. Because it's just goofy. It's just goofy.'s just very goofy it's a it's a welcome reprieve from from the just the the the soul crushing devastation and and just boring bullshit of this other quick can we also talk about order 66 oh yeah we're

getting there we're getting there i just want to point out merchandise spotlight quick merchandise spotlight to your point very Very quick, very quick. Go on. General Grievous, as you correctly predicted, not only had like a regular action figure with the cape and a firing blaster, but also had one with the arms that split apart. Also had one where the arms rotated and separately had a battle defeat, final battle General Grievous, where he was covered in fire and if you push the button, he exploded. final battle general grievous where he was covered in fire and if you push the button he exploded so it really did feel like they designed general grievous to have as many different

action features as possible to split him into separate characters that's the whole merchandise spotlight i know it's not your favorite set no it's okay order 66 though i think we have to get to one thing before that okay which is the parallel plot line that is happening with Yoda at this time. Oh, yeah. The incredibly memorable parallel plotline. So there's a Jedi Council meeting where Coyote Mundi is a hologram. Coyote Mundi is the penis head. You know him. He looks like an Easter Islander. Right.

And he's saying, like, you know. You know Coyote Mundi. Come on. We're all friends here. We're all friends here with Coyote Mundi. He's saying, hey, shit's going crazy. These plants are getting out of control. We got to take care of them.

And they're like, I don't know. There are only so many of us. There can only be so many places at so many times. And Yoda's like, I got to go to Kashyyyk. And they're like, what? And he's like, it's an important. I think maybe Obi-Wan says it's important. He's like, if we lose Kashyyyk, things are going to be tough.

Right. This planet we've never heard of before. It's never brought up anywhere. Right. But he makes it a point. He's like, I know we don't have time to save all these planets, but Kashyyyk is really holding the whole thing together. And Yoda's like, I have a long history with Kashyyyk.

Sure. I go way back with them. Let me go stop. Bye. Never heard of it before. Never heard of it before. It's like if you had a romantic comedy and they're like, you can't get married. Stephen's here and you're like, that character is new to this movie.

We are 70 minutes in and you just introduced this guy. Why do I care about Kashyyyk? It's like if you made a movie where the dude who shows up in the wedding to interrupt it wasn't introduced until... Bill Pullman

suddenly appears. Yeah. Excuse me. We need to go to Kashiga. Is Yoda going with... Like, what's the help of adding Yoda? Is he bringing

clone troopers with him? Is that the idea? I think he wants to get the big furry dudes to join the clone troopers, but... Wookiees. I think they're called

Wookiees. Good relations with the Wookiees I have or something. He says something like that which you don't know anything about don't even talk I don't think

no and I wish people rolled their eyes like I wish the other Jedi were like ugh ugh fuck it

well there is there is the scene this is important there is the scene where they're in like the gunship and it's Obi-Wan I think Mace Windu

and Yoda and it's like they're each making separate stops they like drop Obi-Wan off at Utapau and they're like give us a call if you need a rideu and Yoda and it's like they're each making separate stops they like drop Obi-Wan off at Utapau and they're like give us a call if you need a ride back and Yoda's taking the

ship the rest of the way over to Kashyyyk and there's the part where they're talking about Anakin and like you know saying like a lot of anger this and that what do you think we should do about him whatever the fucking conversation is this repetitive conversation.

Yeah. And they go, but isn't he the chosen one? I mean, don't we believe he's going to bring balance to the force? And Yoda, like, like, runs his hands through his hair.

There's this very odd shot where he runs his hands through his wisp of hair and then he just goes, misread the prophecy we might have? Oh, boy. And they're like, what? And he's like, I don't know.

It's possible we misread the prophecy. Bring balance. Destroy. Who knows what it is. He's doing quote fingers. I know it's been brought up, and I'm sure it's been talked about a million times, but how do you not say bring balance

when there's two bad guys and a billion good guys? How do you not go like, let's not do this balance shit? Right. It's already imbalanced. Like he's like you're supposed to bring like when Obi-Wan's yelling I mean I know you've

talked about the following but when Obi-Wan's yelling at him he's like you're going to be the you're supposed to bring balance. He did.

He did. He did. He did his job. Yeah. But suddenly like it's like these three movies been sent around like this kid's got all this

power he's the chosen one he's got all this anger we don't know where to trust him and Yoda's suddenly like yeah but also that prophecy thing might have been bullshit. It might have been based off a false premise. But they suck. Misread we may have.

You know, I mean, if we didn't see the formation of a clone army coming, our powers really are. You know, they're always saying things like that. Like, we're probably screwed. I used to be much more powerful. You know, someone's going around deleting planets from the Jedi archives. No one's looking into that. Like, you know, there's so much shit going on that they're just not on top of. So Yoda gets dropped off at Kashyyyk

with a bunch of his clone trooper buddies. It's the suckiest thing in the world. A battle ensues. I mean, it's like they go like, and now we fight. And then there's a shot of some Wookiee. Tarple standing on top of a thing and holding his arms. Tarful. Tarful, sorry. Tarples is on top of a thing and holding his arms. Tarful. Tarful, sorry.

Tarples is the Gungan. I know. My two favorite generals. Tarful is like holding his arms in the air at stretch and you're like, oh shit, crazy battle. It's a lot of business for like 35 seconds and then there's a wipe at it. Yeah.

Like in the middle of the war, there's a wipe at it. Swinging and like in trees and shit. Oh, they literally do a Tarzan roar at one point. Yeah they do a Tarzan roar and it has no effect on anything. It's characters we don't know fighting each other. It's like a weird reverse D-Day like the robots are on the beach or something

there's like a beach involved. Oh there's a lot of beach involved and like the Wookiees are valiantly fighting back. It's like this is the first army we've seen that seems to have been able to hold their own against the droid army. They're droids. They suck.

And they have, like, wooden weapons. They're beating them with, like, wooden weapons and vines. Then Yoda, like, says some shit like, you'll always be

my best friend, Chewbacca. And I'm like, who are you? Like, we've just met you. We just met you. Chewbacca, I didn't even notice

this fucking Chewbacca asshole until, asshole until the third time re-watching it. Because Tarfful's the dude he keeps on talking to. Tarfful's got this majestic armor on and this helmet. Yeah, he's got a helmet and he's got a lot of stuff. And you see him leading action. Chewbacca's just a dude standing behind him. He's got a bandolier. He's got a bandolier.

He's like Tarfful's handmaiden or something. And at the end, they're giving Yoda an escape pod to escape from. Yoda essentially just watches this battle, right? Right. And then- Yeah, what help is he providing exactly? Very little. Little to none.

Right. It'd be kind of cool to see Yoda kind of popping around with his lightsaber, just slicing things up. Why not? There's one thing where you see him stab a clone trooper. Oh, no, that's earlier in the movie. Yeah, anyway. And not a clone trooper.

That'd be messed up. Yeah. Fuck you. Yeah. No, no, does that happen after I don't know whatever anyway

doesn't matter stupid movie doesn't matter I know what you're talking about he cuts off the heads of two clone troopers right when order 66

because he's the only Jedi who can fucking turn around yeah he senses it he goes like he's like oh yeah but

they're Jedi they should all fucking know they know they're Jedi we have should all fucking know. They know. They're Jedi. We have seen them in previous movies. Like, shit will happen in another room. Yeah.

In another part of a ship. Yeah. And they will go, whoa, whoa, whoa. What's that? What's that? What's that? Not to mention, the traditional thing is that when a Jedi is born, a child is born with force anywhere in the galaxy, the Jedi Council can feel it.

Yeah. Can feel the birth and immediately go out and see that person. And when all the Jedi's die Yoda has like a stroke practically. He drops his cane. He drops his cane. But so this moment where they give him the escape pod. They make it out of war.

They make it out of this two hour war alive. And then they find an escape pod for Yoda and they go and Yoda goes like thank you thank you, Tarfall. You're my best friend. Tarfall, he just goes, like, Tarfall. Like, he gives him, like, a little nod.

He goes, like, Tarfall. Yeah. You know, like, a little nod. And then he turns to Chewbacca, and he goes, like, and Chewbacca, thank you so much. I will never forget you. It's like, Tarfall's right there. That's not, it's only two guys. Also, we don't know any of these characters.

Who the fuck is Chewbacca? This guy's done nothing. Also, like, get out of there. Get out of there. The Jedi's being exterminated. We don't need, like, oh, and Chewbacca. Like, here, I got you this espresso set. And here's the thing.

So, you know... Seriously, call me any time. I don't know where I'm going to be living, because apparently the Jedi Temple is on fire. Palpatine now has full power yeah he executes order 66 okay so we're going to talk about order 66 right which is kill all the jedi let's i mean i think mike wants to say something about it i mean we've covered a lot of it i just i don't understand it i also don't understand like is it like some genetically implanted thing that they have? Yeah, is it like a sleeper agent thing?

Or are they just like dicks where they're like, all right, kill the Jedi now. It's like a Manchurian candidate thing, right? Like they just have to hear the words, Order 66. I was thinking like a reverse RoboCop, like Directive 4. Yeah, right. Where it's like they have to, yeah. Now, here's my question. Do they have to hear it from Palpatine?

Yeah, because they all have it like another guy popping up on the little communicator. Also, does he have to call all of them? I was thinking that. One by one, there's no group text he can use? All right, now it's Commander Timmy. All right, just start a fucking Facebook thread or something. Also, are there guys that didn't hear it? What about them?

Which one? Say again. Clown troopers are just like, they're in didn't hear it? Yeah. Just one about the thing. Huh? Which one? There's got to be like- Say again. Clone troopers are just like, they're in the bathroom when it was called, and they come out and they're like, what the fuck are we doing? One guy was at lunch and he turned his comlink off. He's just eating a Reuben. I'm just going to give myself a break.

No, but he calls this thing, right? It seems- So it's after Palpatine's been revealed. Yeah. After he's taken down Mace Windu After he's knighted Anakin, Darth Vader And he's all

Lobby He looks like the influence from Dick Tracy And he says The Jedi's out of control, lead the Republic Whatever, execute order 66 And I mean to your point It feels like These clone troopers have been working alongside the Jedi.

Some of them seem to become friends. Oh, yeah. Obi-Wan knows a couple of them by name. Yeah, Commander Cody. Hey, Cody, how you doing, Cody? Hey, Cody, what's up? Yeah. But the second he gives them the order, it doesn't feel like a mentoring candidate thing where they, like, switch on and start following commands.

They go like, uh, sure, yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah, got it, cool. Yeah, yeah. No, if that's what you tell us to do, yeah. And they just start murdering every Jedi. Yeah, and we see it like there's one who shoots a Jedi's ship down, right? Yeah. There's a couple where it's like, yeah, there's like two clone troopers and they just shoot a Jedi in the back.

Like two or three guys. There's a point where they go to back to excuse me the Jedi Council and like half of the council is holograms and so you're like oh they're all fucking split up like what's going on

yeah they're all over the Clone Wars it seems like all of them were pulling a Yoda and picking one planet they like yeah right and decided to fight

what's your favorite planet fight alongside them so it's like this really sad montage yeah very dramatic swelling strings of one by one like Heidi Mundy favorite planet. Fight alongside them. So it's like this really sad montage. Very dramatic swelling strings of one by one like Heidi Mundy is

like, hey follow me! And he runs ahead, they don't follow him and they shoot him. What? That one's a little sad. That one's a little brutal. Because he's kind of got a face you know some of them don't really have human faces so you're kind of like, whatever. He's got a real sad face.

You don't find this whole sequence sad? Seeing all these characters who have been so well developed over three movies, who we love and know so intimately, die? You weren't deeply emotionally affected by watching Adi Gallia? I just don't understand how, like, as a society, like, I feel like, that's almost like if you, like, shot down all the FBI agents and people were like, all right, he's our leader now, I guess. I guess we just live in a world where all cops are dead.

I mean, he declares himself the emperor and then people are cool with it. Yeah, they just applaud. They're like, all right, great, great. You look fine. You look great. So you're telling me we had two armies and then one of the armies killed the other army, but we're doing better as a result. That's what you're telling me. And you are now our leader. Got it.

Alright. And of the two armies you picked the clones not the like space wizards. Those guys seemed really on top of shit. Right. Okay. Also nobody gets weirded out when he says they're changing it to a galactic empire which feels just like I know yeah. What if like what sounds like this is gonna be a galactic empire

Obama tomorrow is like the United States of Evil is the new name of this country. And then people are like, great, he's got direction. I like it, I like it. He's got a plan. Oh, his face is all scarred. Something bad must have happened to him. That only could be by accident, not of his own doing. It's like when Bane in the crappy Dark Knight movie comes out and he's like,

you know, Commissioner Gordon lied to you. He said it on this piece of paper I have here, which I will not show to anyone. And everyone's like, oh, I hate Commissioner Gordon. Anyway, having produced a piece of paper. I've been referring to it as a Jedi Holocaust. We got an email from a listener named Brandon Bernstein who suggested we call it a Jedi side instead because it's a Jedi genocide. Call it what you will. But it is like you think about, you know, something like, not to invoke George Lucas' favorite subject clearly, something like 9-11.

Yeah. And how hard it was. And still for our nation to recover from the tragedy of that many people dying at once right and that was a totally random cross section of people something like the holocaust where it was like all the Jews are gone was like well this is a

hate crime it's targeted the Jedi's are this even weirder thing because they're not only like is it a hate crime but they're also the people that we entrusted to protect us in this galaxy but it's also like everyone with one particular job what if it was like let's kill every garbage man in america they their power has gone unchecked long enough right everyone would be so fucking freaked out it would be crazy yeah like even if it was a garbage man people would just be like it would take them years to recover no one would ever be

a garbage man again no one would ever want to, it would take them years to recover. No one would ever be a garbage man again. No, no. Like, no one would ever want to do that. But secondly, if they were the guys who were kind of your space cops. Yeah. Like, for them to just so openly be like, oh, okay, whatever Palpatine says is nuts, is bananas. Bananas. It's also

like, such a sad thing to be like, hey, I built this great world. You know the coolest part of it? The Jedi? Then, none of them anymore. No, no, no more. We can't You know the coolest part of it? The Jedi? None of them anymore. We can't have those guys. That thing that you specifically liked about my science fiction universe. Too much fun. So, who survives? Yoda and Obi-Wan.

Yoda survives by chopping off some clone heads. Then he fights Palpatine. He gets back to the Jedi. They throw a bunch of pogs at each other in the second room. They sort of have a pog fight. And then he essentially just retires. Yeah, then he's like, I messed up.

I really messed up. I wasn't defeated, but I also didn't conclusively win the battle. I guess I should just leave. You guys hide me. Yeah, he just goes. And so Obi-Wan survives. Is he on Udab? No, he goes to Tatooine. TheWan survives. Is he on Uta? No, he goes to Tatooine.

The two of them are on fucking Alderaan. Yeah. Yoda. Alderaan? Yes. What's that? That's Organa's planet. Oh, okay.

Right? I don't even remember this. He's one of the guys that takes one of the babies. Yeah, no, Jimmy Smith. I know Jimmy Smith. I know from Jimmy Smith. It looks like the moon. It's like lunar cavities with like little bubbles on it right

it looks like our earth moon and they cause he fucking George Lucas' son saves Jimmy Smith the little kid is George Lucas' son no for a character we've never seen before he teams up with Yoda and Obi-Wan they go back to his home planet

and then they're like what should we do about this and it's like well we definitely shouldn't be Jedi's anymore. Number one let's just stop being Jedi's because that's not a cool thing to be anymore apparently. Number two I have a great plan for the two Jedi kids that just got born. Anakin's kids.

One should be taken to Anakin's home. You'll never look there. This might be next episode stuff. This might be next episode stuff. This might be next episode stuff. I'm just saying, bad Jedi planning does not die with the Jedi Holocaust. Oh, of course not. They stick to the bad plans.

Yeah, but Organa is like, why don't you go to Tatooine where Anakin's relatives live? And by Anakin's relatives he means... His only living relative. His step, I guess, stepbrother and his wife. Right, right. So I guess, stepbrother and his wife. Right, right.

So it's his stepbrother and wife. It's just such a weird place to drop off someone's kid. Through the stepfather he met only after... One time, yeah, yeah, yeah. His mother had been kidnapped from the... Like, he met her, he didn't even see them together as a family unit. It's basically the second owner of his mother who then married her. Right.

His kid. Although maybe that's a great place to snatch a baby to be like, all right, who would you never go to see? Oh, your stepbrother you met once. A lot of bad memories over there. That's not a fun place. Not bad memories, but who gives a shit? Exactly.

You don't gotta keep up with them. It is kind of fun to imagine just robot Darth Vader showing up and being like, hi. Like getting dinner with them and being like, so how are things at the Moisture Farm? It's crazy. We didn't even recognize you. You look so different than the last time we saw you. Has anyone told you this?

You're unrecognizable. I went through a thing on Mustafar. Oh, it was real bad it was real bad trust me you do not want me to take this mask off alright not at dinner this is delicious

Baru Baru is a good chef but yeah Obi-Wan goes to Tatooine and Yoda goes somewhere he just goes off he leaves he gets in a ship

and leaves I'll hide but they have one final conversation it's not that. I think it's a little before when they're traveling. I really wanted to get to this because it's hysterical. This is an important conversation. Yeah. It's literally they're like okay so what happened today?

We didn't kill any of our enemies. Palpatine took over the galaxy. All the Jedis were exterminated. That kid you were training was instrumental. The kid you were training has turned into a homicidal maniac. Yeah. And oh I forgot to tell you. One crazy thing that came up today. Remember Qui-Gon? was instrumental. has turned into a homicidal maniac. Yeah. And, oh, I forgot to tell you. One crazy thing

that came up today. Remember Qui-Gon? But he literally pitches it like, do you remember that guy who was your master? Remember Qui-Gon Jinn? He says it like

Obi-Wan might not remember. He got in touch. Like, I recently heard from him. I can't believe I didn't tell you this. And Obi-Wan's like, oh, God, he's going senile. Qui-Gon's dead.

He doesn't remember. It's like when your grandma calls out for the daughter who died ten years earlier. Qui-Gon figured out how to turn into a spirit or something. He says he figured out how to transcend death by becoming part of the force or something like that.

Good news, right? I got you a workbook. I want you to look at it while you're in hiding. You're going to have a lot of free time. Also, good news. The whole reason fucking the entire Galactic Republic took over and the Jedi's fell and whatever was because Palpatine preyed on Anakin's insecurity about not being able to skirt death. Meanwhile, Yoda knew the whole time.

He was like, oh, no, no, the Jedi's figured out a way to skirt death. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. FYI. FYI. Yeah, you can just come back. He could have just shared that information and none of this movie would have happened. Yeah, but then everybody's skirting death.

So Yoda says, yeah, everyone. It's real propriety. It's a bad stand. Yoda says to him, he's like, while you're hanging on Tatooine for the rest of your life, if you could do me a favor and study how to transcend death. Yeah, it's the most annoying, tossed off, like grand idea. Yeah, he's like Qui-Gon has figured it out, but he didn't explain it to me.

So if you're going to be alone on a desert planet for 30 years, maybe just try to talk to that ghost and figure out what's going on. And I heard there was a plan to bring Liam Neeson back for this and that didn't work or something. Like there were originally concepts that maybe Liam Neeson was going to show up. He was probably busy that weekend.

Probably had to pick up his laundry. Was this Lucasfilm? No, never heard of you. I mean, again, all this cool shit is just brought up right at the end of this movie. You have giant, like nine foot tall hairy things. That's true. At five minutes, you have the ability to transcend death the end of this movie. You have giant, like, nine-foot-tall hairy things. That's true. At five minutes, you have the ability to transcend death.

Not in this movie. Nope. Like, what? Why do you bring these things up? And who triumphs at the end of this movie? The cartoon clone trooper guys who are, like, just lame, and they all look the same, and they wear, yeah. Those are the guys who win.

It's like if you had a murder mystery, and you put a gun in the drawer at the end of the play, and went, next play, that's going to be pretty good. I want to see something happen this play. We should call that the Lucas's gun theory of drama. That's the Lucas's gun theory. That is totally right. Put a gun in a drawer and reference the fact that it's there.

Did Lucas just read about that and was like, no, I'm going to make three movies. Wow, I knocked over Griffin's vitamin water. That's how angry David's getting right now. Three movies that set up all kinds of stuff. Are they going to pay off? No. No. Definitely not.

But we'll get a coughing robot thing. God. Boy, wow. I'm actually worked up. Me too. It's a good thing we took last week off because we needed to build up a reserve of this much anger. Yeah. But let's talk about the overall thrust of this.

It's like if you think about the movies as three movies, like it is this sort of like scathing thing about like the Jedi's unbecoming, right? Like every move mistake they make throughout three. There's so many mistakes. Yes. They probably shouldn't have adopted Anakin. No. He doesn't. He kind of blows up in their face.

Yeah. But even then they probably could have raised him better. Yeah. You know what I really dislike about how they deal with Anakin? They constantly go like Anakin I think you're really angry. Like they don't go like we're the Jedi's. We're these wise people of

presumably you know selflessness and hopefully empathy. To go like, Anakin has anger problems. Let's try to talk to him and be like, hey Anakin, are you doing alright? Then maybe he'd say like, well I fell in love with Weena Medalla. And then we're like, what?

No, no, no. That's bad. We got rules here, buddy. Do you remember when you were a little kid and your parents would go, somebody's tired, and you'd go, I'm not tired. You didn't want people telling you what you were. That's how they deal with Anakin throughout all three movies. They just go, somebody's angry, and he's like, I'm not angry.

It's like, just talk to him about what's going on in his life. Massage these issues. I mean, it just seems like they don't there's a lot of red flags oh yes movies hell of a lot of red hell of a lot of red flags yeah um and also the sith like let's not forget they unveil themselves in episode one oh yeah they literally give them every opportunity like figure out who we are we keep showing up yeah they have three movies to do it they don't do it yeah And it configures it out and gets tempted to the dark side. Also, this is over the course of, like, I'd assume 20-something years.

It's a long time. You know, like, and the Sith are back. They're like, ah, it's, I mean, fine. We killed one of them. That's it. There's so many frustrating things about this series. We killed one of them. There's only one Sith, right?

Or is it two? I don't know. It's usually two, but we're probably fine. I always forget if it's one or two. Yeah, series. We killed one of them. There's only one Sith, right? Or is it two? It's usually two. I always forget if it's one or two. We should check the Jedi archives sometime. Our power to sense the Force has been diminished. They say that all the time. They keep saying their powers are diminished. Also, all the files in our Jedi archives have been deleted.

Weird. And there's this clone army that a Jedi ordered. Let's not look into it. Also, it's weird. The Chancellor's not leaving office. He just keeps staying around. And everything kind of conspires to keep him in office. He keeps on creating new positions and then electing himself to them.

That seems bad. Yeah. You can't sense anything about him in the Force, so it's probably okay. He's probably a good guy. I gave him a once-over. He's fine. I about him in the force, so it's probably okay. Right, yeah, yeah. He's probably a good guy. I gave him a once over. He's fine. I gave him a once over. They're like airport security, where they're like, hey, you don't have any dark side water

bottles. All right, you're in. And then you find out someone just brought a bomb onto the plane. Right. They pat him down once with the back of their hands. Right. They're like, you're cool. You're clean.

He literally decorates his whole office red. Yeah. His whole office is red. And black. Yeah, red and black. Right. They're like, you're cool. You're clean. He literally decorates his whole office red. Yeah. His whole office is red. And black. Yeah, red and black. And he writes Sith in the carpet. He's also always asking

a young Padawan to hang out with him, which if not Darkseid, is still something to be questioned. Check that out. Seems like it's a taste for the younglings,

Can you let this 15-year-old kid hang out with me for a few hours? Nothing will happen. So is this what Lucas is trying to say? Is it like like all things must pass, the Jedi just became too

bloated and unreactive? You know, like is this their problem? The balance had to come? That's the weird thing. Because it's literally two and two at the end of the movie. Yes. Palpatine. Balance. They did it. Obi-Wan and Yoda, good. Sidious and Anakin Badd, two and two.

Balanced. He did bring balance to the force. Good job. And it almost would have been three against one. And then Anakin was like, no, I'll become a Sith. Yeah, sorry, buddy. You perfectly balanced this. The Sith and Palpatine are obviously an aggressive, deliberate force of evil, right? They are people who are trying to burn down the galaxy.

Yeah, and they take pleasure in their emotions. deliberate force of evil, right? They are people who are trying to burn down the galaxy. Yeah, and they take pleasure in their emotions. They take pleasure in destruction and anger and stuff, right? That's kind of the idea. He's always laughing, Sidious, as he fights. But I feel like... It'd be funny if he was laughing when he said Execute Order 66. He was like... Do it! Do it!

It does not feel like Lucasas's opinion of the jedi order by the end this film is positive in any way no like i it to a degree i think it's shitty screenwriting that he makes them that um unawares of everything going on all the time yeah but i also think he's ramping up to some sort of point about like i i don't know how like absolute power corrupts absolutely yeah whether consciously or just through like a sort of laziness yeah that can sneak in you know a complacency with your position that stops them from being active and alert but then why doesn't he kill off like the biggest villain in this movie and why was this movie made by a man who

had more power in making a movie than anyone ever had in making a movie ever there has never been an independent film financed fully by one person's own money at this budget in which he also across the three films so at its most extreme by the time we get to this point, develop technology to be able to control every single element on screen, more so than anything in the history of filmmaking, to micromanage every element so there is no spontaneity and everything is within his control.

And then the thesis of the movie is, power ruins everything. Whether you're aware of it or not, whether you weaponize it or you just allow it to let you become dull, power ruins everything. What do you think, Mike? I mean, I think it's just a bad movie.

It's a bad fucking movie. But don't you think Yoda should have died? Because Yoda's kind of the chief architect of the Jedi's collapse. This is a great point. And Yoda's also a shitty character. And he's a real shithead. I think it's hard though. I mean, you know, you don't see Luke... You don't see Luke.

Yep. You don't see Anakin. Luke, Luke, the baby you're talking about at the end of the film. Anakin's baby is called Luke. I mean, you see the baby. You don't see baby Luke grow up. But, like, I think Yoda's just too cute to kill. I think Luke has painted himself into this corner where Yoda should die,

but then he's, like, this cute little small thing voiced by Miss Piggy you know he's not wrong no he's correct are you guys watching the Muppets I've heard it's not great it's really tough it's a grown up Muppets no one wanted this

who asked for this not to fucking make this a whole thing but the Muppets were always for grown ups and they were for grown ups because they were intelligently written and now they're doing Muppets were always for grown-ups and they were for grown-ups because they were intelligently written and now they're doing Muppets for grown-ups on a very dumb surface level where it's like Muppets talking about dating and taxes. This is what I'm saying.

No one wanted to see the Muppets like drinking coffee in the morning and being like, oh, I'm tired. That's not what we think of the Muppets. What would a Muppet look like if he had overslept? That's what I want to know. Those are the things that everyone hates about grown-ups. Yeah. Like in the original Muppet look like if he had overslept? That's what I want to know. Those are the things that everyone hates about grown-ups. Drudgery.

Why would we want to see drudgery? But it's fun cartoon animals. And that's sort of what Yoda is. He's this adorable little thing. He should be so. He's a frog. He's a frog man. And instead he meets a little adorable slave boy and he's like, you seem angry.

He's always a jerk. Anakin wants to be on the council. He's like, we're, he meets a little adorable slave boy and he's like, man, you seem angry. Like, he's always a jerk. He's mean. Anakin wants to be on the council. He's like, eh, we're not going to make you the master. Right. He's condescending. He's mean. You know, he almost didn't let Yaddle onto the Jedi council.

Is that true? We revealed that in our first podcast series. Yeah, he voted against her. Yaddle, by the way, was held captive in a pit. In an underground hole for a hundred years. By whom? Not by Yoda. By jerks.

We don't know. She was sent on a mission as a Padawan. I forget where it was, but she was kept in a hole for a hundred years. By whom? Not by Yoda. By jerks. We don't know. She was sent on a mission as a Padawan. I forget where it was, but she was kept in a hole for a hundred years. She escaped and everyone was like, well, obviously we should give her a seat. And Yoda was like, not so fast. She's pretty young. Has she paid her dues? Yeah, yeah. Yoda actually objected. Yoda's a

shit. Even though she survived literally by eating the Force. The Force was all that sustained her in that hole. We love Yaddle. Is that like in Hook where they eat the imagined soup from the ball? That's exactly what that's like. That's exactly what she was eating. Force pizza, she was eating force sundaes. That's what I would do. Alright, I'm sorry. That's off track.

But, um. Yeah, Yoda is really shitty. Yeah, I'm just saying. It might have been nice to see Yoda just get like bam between the eyes. Yeah, I agree with you, David because I do think, Mike, that he backed himself into a corner by making Yoda such a visually appealing character because you don't want to see him die. Right. And because he's so small, it creates an unearned sense of empathy in battle because he's always the underdog. He's the David fighting Goliath in any battle.

But on a personality level, he is so thoroughly awful throughout all three movies, and really directly leads to the downfall of the Jedi. He does, yeah. By not sharing information, by not being more perceptive, by judging everybody, by pulling rank over everybody. He blows it the most. I'd say Obi-Wan blows it second most. And these two guys are the guys who get to survive. Yeah. I mean, Anakin blows

it too. Let's not leave him out of it. He's not blameless. He definitely killed those kids. But I almost give Obi-Wan... It's the drop of a hat. By the way, can we... I know you've talked of it. He's not blameless. He definitely killed those kids. But I almost give Obi-Wan... At the drop of a hat. By the way, can we... I know you've talked about it. No, no, talk away. He's very cool with killing those kids. No problem. If I turned evil, it would be more gradual. Yeah, you'd have to build to it.

I'll steal from my mom. But I wouldn't just kill a classroom. He kills a kid, again, based on just Sidious saying, well, the dark side might save your wife who you had a dream about once. Yeah. Anyway, there's a bunch of kids running around the Jedi Temple,

and they really need their heads to get chopped off. Not start with an adult. No, yeah. Not forge some documents to start out. Yeah, some mild tax fraud. Let's ease him into this. There's no rush. It's an artificial rush that Palpatine's created himself.

And that this story creates itself because this story has to be about a holocaust. Yes. I do think, though, that by the end of this third film, you realize how culpable Yoda is. And Yoda deciding to banish himself

does feel like... Yeah, he says, failed I have. Right, and it feels like a little too late. They make it... Through the way it's set up, it feels like that's a direct response to him failing the fight with Palpatine. When really it's like he's realizing that he failed overall. Yeah, he failed entirely.

Because let's be honest, if Yoda had killed Palpatine, what's the situation then? Probably wouldn't be like, oh, okay, all better now. No, definitely not. Like, all the Jedi's are dead, what's the situation then? Probably wouldn't be like, oh, okay, all better now. No, no, definitely not. Like, all the Jedis are dead. There's no leader of this. But there's got to be, like, some other Jedi left, right? Or no. I mean, it can't just be like, oh, we got all of them, but two that were friends.

It does seem hard to believe. There's got to be a few others. Like, I don't know. It just seems like a 15,000. I don't know. It would be satisfying to have one of those endings where you realize that Yoda was kind of a villain all along. And not like a twisty, must-have twirly,

like I was working the gears, but it's like through negligence. The fool on the hill. He was as bad a force as those who were deliberately evil. Pun intended. And to see him get a lightsaber through the brain might have been nice. And why not?

This is the last movie. What are you saving, George? Why let him go off and have a nice life in seclusion? Why? I don't know. David's holding his hands up. Maybe he wanted to make a fourth movie. I don't think.

I mean, Padme has two kids. A fourth movie. No, Mike, Mike, yes. Mike, yes. Mike, yes. Mike, yes. Mike, yes. Hashtag Mike, yes Mike yes Mike yes Mike yes Mike yes hashtag Mike yes

please tweet at Mike hashtag Mike yes yeah please no I mean we talked about this I don't know if you know this Mike but George Lucas did sell Lucasfilm to Disney recently I think mostly because

they wanted the Indiana Jones franchise and the remake rights to Tucker a man in his dreams yeah and Strange Magic Strange Magic Willow. There are a lot of good things. Yeah, they wanted to make the Monkey Island games again or something.

They were able to work Howard the Duck back into Guardians of the Galaxy. That's true. Yeah. Radioland Murders, of course, would work very well as a TV series. Anyway. Please, just keep naming Lucasfilm properties. I think there may be two more. Yeah, there's not two more. Yeah, there's a lot.

Yeah. If he had wanted to make a fourth film, I think he would have done it. What was stopping him? Lack of finances? Age? Lack of confidence? Or maybe just burnout from doing three in a row, but you still want to make. Yeah.

Maybe he wants to do other stuff. He produced Red Tails. He did produce Red Tails. Yeah. He sold the company to disney right and uh you know we've been saying i mean they are sitting on despite how hated these movies are yeah what was a very successful trilogy of films yeah oh yeah and disney's very property minded you know franchise minded it would not be out of this realm to assume that someday Disney would try to do an episode four. Yeah.

Do you think they try to fucking work Yoda back into it? I mean, like- Hey, sure, why not? Frank Oz is still available. As a villain? As what? What has he become now? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what it is.

Yeah, I guess. Yeah, Yoda turns evil. But does he fight Obi-Wan, or is there like- I mean, you have those babies, but- Maybe he tries to kill the babies?. Maybe he tries to kill the babies? You think Yoda tries to kill the babies? Probably. Or steal them to raise them himself maybe? I'm just saying.

Then again he also hid them, I don't know. If you brought me into a pitch meeting and were like, a fourth Star Wars movie, what would you do? I'd be like, okay, Yoda's creeping into a child's bedroom. Lightsaber brandish. This is the opening scene in the movie. And then Obi-Wan chops him in two. That's the opening scene is Obi-Wan kills Yoda.

Bisects him. Okay. So now Obi-Wan's standing with a bisected Yoda over two babies. Yeah, yeah, sure. Now they get split up. What's scene two?

I don't know. We have two and a half hours after that. Cut to 20 minutes later. I don't know. 20 minutes later. I got a crazy idea. Okay.

Call me nuts, okay? Okay. The logical thing would be, okay, do an episode four. Continue this story. But I think they're backed into such a weird corner, and this area of the universe we're in now is just so- Are you saying do an episode zero? I said do a prequel.

Is that crazy? Yeah, do a minus one. Is that crazy? Do a prequel to Phantom Menace? We haven't talked about this also. I forgot to mention. The closing shot of the movie is Uncle Owen looking at the sun. Okay, great.

What does that fucking mean? It's probably setting him up to be the hero of number four. And Joel Edgerton has become a pretty famous actor. That's true. Yeah, so George Lucas was kind of... So you think... Interesting. You think Owen and Beru would have been the two stars, our male and female stars of the

next Star Wars movie. That makes sense. And they're raising a kid. You know. Oh, something else I want to mention. Please. Because we haven't talked about this. You know how the poster for The Phantom Menace is Anakin walking and then there's this shadow

he's casting? Yeah. That shadow is Darth Vader armor. Oh, yeah. The armor that he puts on. Really? That's how far in advance Lucas was thinking with this shit. That's really impressive.

I mean, I wonder if he just had the general design in his head and sort of followed it, or if he had the exact Darth Vader planned. Maybe he had just, yeah, he's like, yeah, I don't know, he's gonna put this on at some point. Also, kind of like, I mean, I guess it makes sense with a voice modulator, but it's weird to switch out Hayden Christensen's

voice for James Earl Jones' voice for a line. For just one line to get that big of an actor in there, for just one line. It's a big upgrade, though. No one's complaining. Yeah, but why not maybe use James Earl Jones to play General Grievous? That guy has several scenes.

Yeah. You know? Yeah. Maybe and then get the sound guy to do Darth Vader for a minute. Yeah. David, I have a crazy notion, a crazy question. Is there any chance that the design of Darth Vader was reverse engineered from that poster? It's not impossible. Right? That they just did the poster.

Yeah. They were like, he'll become something evil. Yeah. Well, I'm saying they just did the poster. They shot it. It was in the Tunisia sun. Oh, I see what you're saying. And then they saw the shadow and they were like oh that shadow is kind of interesting because you say like oh it looks like darth vader's um

you know armor but like anakin's got a bowl cut that's sort of similar to the splaying of the helmet you know i mean it's like this thing is like two feet taller than him though i guess it's just a trick of perspective the sun works on on tatooine i don't know well they did shoot that on tatooine they did they did fly to tatine. It's a binary star system, so yeah. I'm just saying I would love to see a prequel. I think it'd be interesting to see how the Phantom Menace universe started. Do a young Palpatine.

This is the thing we want to see is we want to see Palpatine. We want to see Darth Plagueis. Yeah, his master, Darth Plagueis. Yeah, sure. Darth Plagueis the wise. We want to see them brewing up a force baby. I just want to show you that Griffin is stirring some sort of force cauldron with his hands.

They're making a baby. Yeah. Going, let's put a baby in Shmi Skywalker and the slave lady. Like, that movie sounds more interesting. It doesn't sound that interesting. Right now, you're just describing two guys thinking really hard about a baby. And then somehow getting it inside a woman. Yeah.

And then being like, and then we're going to do some stuff. I guess it would end with Palpatine killing Darth Plague. Yeah. Yeah. That's going to be cool. And then like going to Red Face Paint Planet and finding little Darth Maul. Yeah. Renting an apartment together with a balcony.

Yep. Yeah. Oh, that balcony. How are we doing on time, Benny? Oh, man. You guys are looking at about 75 minutes. That's pretty good. I think that's a good number.

I don't know. Mike, do you have any further thoughts? No, I'm good. I think I've covered everything I wanted to cover. You were a great guest. Thank you for having me. Extremely knowledgeable. Thank you.

A lot of people have come into the show and then we talking about Dexter, Deathster, whoever they look at us like we're great. How the fuck do you guys know that? How do you know their names? No, I'm totally on board. And you remained astoundingly upbeat while talking about a movie that we all hate.

It was much appreciated. And about a mass murder subplot in the movie that we all hate. Yes. Well, you know, let's pour one out for the Jedi's. All our fallen Jedi's. What flavor you got? You got the kiwi and strawberry. So let's just briefly say our respects

for Adi Gallia. Adi Mundi. Plo Kloon. Yeah, he bites it. Yep. Kit Fisto. Ah, Kit Fisto. Who's the little guy? The little guy with the sort of droopy ears. Oh, I forget. Oh, yeah, I forget about that.

Yariopoof. No, he dies between like episodes two and three or something. Really? Just like his old age? I was reading his Wikipedia. No, he dies like tragic. Really? He chops him into pieces or something.

It's crazy. There's a comic book about it. Wow. We liked Yariopoof. He's the one with the kind of long stalk head. Oh, yeah. There's a comic book about it. Wow. We like D'Ariel Pouf. He's the one with the kind of long stock head. Oh, yeah. The Q-tip. His race is that he's a queer man.

And his last name is Pouf. Good job, George Lucas. Yep, that's what we said. R.I.P. Yaddle, we suppose? Yeah, a lot of these characters died off screen, but yeah. We lost a lot of good ones. Evan Peele. Evan Peele. Yeah. Agent Kolar. yeah a lot of these characters died off screen but yeah we lost a lot of good ones Evan Peel

Evan Peel Agent Kolar all these just great characters Beresofi some of our best friends some of the most beloved characters in the history of pop culture all gone so I know this is a somber note

to end on thank you Mike Drucker in the history of pop culture are all gone. So I know this is a somber note. R.I.P. To end on. Thank you, Mike Drucker, for being here. Thanks, Mike. Yeah. People can follow you on Twitter, and if they have television,

they can watch The Tonight Show. Yeah, sure, why not? Or if they have YouTube, let's be honest. Or YouTube, or Hulu, or any, if you don't have YouTube, there's other places. What's coming up in The Tonight Show is Jimmy Fallon going to execute Order 66.

He's going to execute Order 66 and we're going to kill all celebrities. Yeah, yeah. What do you up in the Tonight Show? Is Jimmy Fallon going to execute Order 66? He's going to execute Order 66 and we're going to kill all celebrities. Yeah, yeah. What do you got planned for the year? A big season spoiler? Do we have seasons? I guess we do technically. Do you? Technically you have seasons. Is a year a season? I have no idea. Just every so often they'll be like, it's a new season. And I think there's just some counting method that

like moles beneath the earth have figured out. There's like a guy with an abacus being like, the Tonight Show is now in season 29. That's exactly, I was like, all right, guess we are. No season arc spoilers,

though? No season arc spoilers. Has Jimmy seen the Star Wars movies? Is he a Star Wars fan? Yeah, I think so. Well, we gotta ask the same question

that we asked Chase when he was here. Oh, yeah. Does Jimmy have any good Hayden Christensen stories? Because they worked together on Factory Girl. They did.

I always forget that. I don't have to ask that. Okay. Okay. Please report back to us. Yeah, we will read your answer out live on air. Yeah. Hayden Christensen did make a return to the cinemas recently.

Yeah, with that Christian movie. It wasn't called Seven Minutes in Heaven. I think it's 30 Minutes in Heaven. 30 Minutes in Heaven. He ups it to 30. No, but he made a movie where he plays a guy who died and then came back to life and told everyone about what heaven yeah

it's one of those movies where it's like I saw my uncle he was there you know like people yeah I didn't see the movie I haven't seen it he spoiled it for me sorry but he's back baby hey that hate him producer Ben final thoughts? I don't know. Excited to do another one of these, Ben?

Yeah. Yeah. This is fun. This is the first time we're going to do two episodes in a row. We're doing back to back, baby. So our next episode, you'll hear a week later, but we'll be doing it. We might actually just descend into madness. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm feeling a little light headed already yeah me too well thank you for being here thank you for listening please rate subscribe review and as always don't just don't pay attention to anything see anything suspicious don't even

don't even fucking worry about it just forget about it