Blank Check with Griffin & David - The Podcast Holiday Special with Pilot Viruet

Episode Date: December 24, 2015

In 1978, CBS aired a two-hour Star Wars holiday special. Only a year prior, A New Hope had been released to critical success and with the Empire Strikes Back in production and to be released in a year and half, this was Lucasfilm’s opportunity to keep fans engaged with the franchise (and sell some merchandise of course) by developing a science fiction variety special using everyones favorite characters. But it was terrible! So much so, that it has never been re-aired or made available for purchase ever. Nor should it be. Even George hates it, famously saying “If I had the time and a sledgehammer, I would track down every copy of the show and smash it.” Griffin and David, joined by Pilot Viruet (Flavorwire) discuss this truly insane piece of television history. Together, they examine a storyline involving Chewbacca and Han Solo trying to return to Kasyyyk to celebrate Life Day, a Wookie holiday, Chewbaca’s weird family and extended grunting, the first introduction to Boba Fett, bad french circus dancing, 1970’s cocaine use and so much more!

Do you know that Air Bud now no longer works, but Disney has their own company called Air Bud Entertainment, and they're just making other films about talking animals? But they're called, like, Air Bud Presents. I mean, that's kind of my ideal job. There's one of them. It's social media for Air Bud Entertainment? Yeah. I also started recording.

You started recording? Let's keep all of this. Ho, ho, ho. Merry life day. Hi, guys. Hey, everybody. Ugh. I'm Griffin. That's David. With us as always, Producer Ben,

a.k.a. The very sleepy Ben Duster. Santa Haas. Man. I felt like I was... You thought you were done. I thought it was over. You thought you were done I thought it was over you thought you were out but no back talking about this fucking franchise this is I mean this is actually

the very last time this is it it's a little sad we're actually going to record one more episode at the time that we're recording this we have not yet seen the force awakens but we will have seen it by the time that this comes out, and that episode will come out before this episode comes out.

Very interesting. I don't think people need to know this at all, actually. Fascinating. You know what is fascinating? The Star Wars Holiday Special? Yep. And you know what's even more fascinating than that? Our guest? Very special guest. Hi. Hi. I'm Pilot. It's Pilot Verowitt. You said my last

name right. Oh, I did it. She's a wonderful friend of both of ours. She started our trivia team. Yep. Yeah, and then I quit it. You quit it early. Arguably brought us closer together though. Yeah, but you quit it when me and Griffin got too into it. Yep.

And made it no fun anymore. Yeah. But that made us grow closer. But this is completing our roster of like having every member of our film trivia team on this podcast. Because we've had Chase. Yes.

We've had Lang. Rachel Lang. We haven't had Joe Reed yet. He'll be on at some point. Yeah. I just don't think he really wanted to talk

about Star Wars. No. I mean, I don't really want to talk about Star Wars. But we made you come in anyway. This was all Griffin's idea. Well, because this isn't really a Star Wars movie. It's something in between.

But, Pilot. Hi. How are you doing? I'm good. Sorry that we made you do this. It's okay. And I don't mean come in and talk to us. That's obviously a wonderful thing to do, but made you watch it.

Yeah. Yeah, I didn't like it. But I did say, I think in the email I sent to you, or one of the texts, that I think the world will be better for you having seen this. Not that you would enjoy watching this, but I think you having this knowledge can only create further good in you. I honestly think I've already blocked it all out of my memory. Perfect. I mean, you are somewhat of a connoisseur of bad things. That's true.

Of like bad movies or movies that some people don't like, I guess is a better way to put it. Yeah, I wouldn't call them bad. Right. I mean, you wouldn't call them like they're just so amazing people don't realize. Right. Like the Air Bud movies, which we were just discussing off mic. You're a big fan? I mean, those are legitimately good.

But you don't like the Buddies? No. Don't like the Buddies. We don't talk about the Buddies. Were they direct-to-video, the Air Buddies? Yeah, they were. Only the first two Air Bud films were talk about the Buddies. Were they direct-to-video, the Air Buddies? Yeah, they were. Only the first two Air Bud films were theatrical. Yeah, all of them were direct-to-video.

All right, so the first Air Bud is basketball? Well, I think some are also direct-to-ABC family. Sure. You mean direct-to-freeform. Freeform. Starting in 2016. And what's the second Air Bud movie? Golden Receiver, right?

Yeah. So that's football. Yes. Yes. Okay. Just getting this straight. I've never seen an Air Bud movie. Was it like seven inning fetch?

Uh-huh. Spikes Back? Spikes Back. Yeah, the soccer one. No, Spikes Back's the volleyball. Volleyball, yeah. What's the soccer one? World Pup.

World Pup. Oh, my God. That's such a bad pun. It's terrible. And there has to be one other one, right? World Pup. He's played volleyball. He's played baseball.

I'm now looking up the Air Bud series. Is there a hockey one? There should be a hockey one. But no, you guys have named all five of the films. Yes. And then there have been many subsequent Air Buddies films. Air Buddies, Snow Buddies, Space Buddies. Space Buddies is the worst of them.

So are these just talking dog movies? They're just talking dogs. Like the sports are gone. Well, sometimes they have to steal steal like gems from like evil people. But like there's one called Treasure Buddies. The buddies find themselves on an Indiana Jones style adventure. Yeah. That's like the whole movie?

I mean, sometimes they like chase their tail. Apparently Tom Everett Scott is the voice of one of the Air Buddies, though. Yeah. The only good thing. Can you look up Santa Buddies? Because someone interesting plays Santa Claus in Santa Buddies. I'm not joking. Oh, my God.

Is it Olivier? Yeah. Oh, I watched that last year. Are there two Santa Buddies? I thought they were Santa Buddies and Snow Buddies. I think you're right. George Wendt plays Santa Claus. Yes, George Wendt.

I knew it. It's a good casting choice. Snow Buddies precedes Santa Buddies. That seems to have a husky in it. Well, Snow Buddies, I think, is maybe a crossover between Snow Dogs and Air Buddies. Is that possible? I don't think so. If not officially.

Chris Christopherson is the voice of an Alaskan Malamute. Oh, wow. I feel like Snow Dogs would never stoop that low. Yeah, Snow Dogs is different. They kept it clean. One film and out. How do you feel about Eight Below? I feel like snow dogs are never stupid. Yeah, snow dogs is different. They kept it clean. How do you feel about Eight Below? Is that just the one with all the huskies?

It's the one with Paul Walker. But they don't talk. That's a somber. Paul Walker. Does he? Yeah, well, in English. That film's somber. That's like him trying to stop dogs from dying. No, let's not talk about Pawlok.

He was our beautiful baby boy. I just know you guys both like Pawlok. I have that locket with this picture in it. Have you seen that locket? It has about seven other pictures in it. Anyway, hi Pilot. You're a bit of a connoisseur of weird bits of

pop culture fringe marginalia, and this is a classic example. Well, you are a pop culture writer. Sure. To throw out a very broad term. Yeah. Within that umbrella, you have done many different things. Yes.

But you are someone who studies pop culture in all its different forms. Sure. Review and recap and analyze and, you know. Yeah. Well, it's not one to toot our own horn. Sure, sure. Sometimes I write things. Sure, that's it. A one to toot our own horn. Sure. Sometimes I write things. Sure. A lot. A lot.

You used to work at Flavor Wire. Now you're a free agent. Yep. Doing all kinds of cool stuff. Sleeping a lot. Sleeping a lot. One of the best things. Making steak at 8 in the morning. Yeah. Oh my god, that was such a good steak. Now, you recently watched all six traditional

Star Wars films in a row. You haven't seen any of them. I haven't seen any of them. Now, why have you never seen them? It just didn't pop on the radar? Yeah, I just never watched them like when I guess the prequel things came out.

Right, right, right. Yeah, and then by that point I was just saying I don't want to watch them. Right. Because like, I don't know. But in anticipation, I assume, of the new movie,

your friends marathoned all six. Yeah, and then they made me watch them too. Right. Because, like, I don't know. But in anticipation, I assume, of the new movie, your friends marathoned all sick. Yeah, and then they made me watch them too. Right. Because I was promised that we would watch the Fast and Furious franchise on a small screen, but they played football instead. Yeah, so this was like a— It was a terrible day. They tricked you. So what was your take?

It's a trap. It's a trap. That's a trap. I really like the second one. is i like this pilot's favorite was attack of the clone yeah it was really funny it's your favorite out of the six yeah okay okay i'm fascinated by this go on it was hilarious like i mean if you're viewing it solely as like a slapstick film it's the best of all of them well c-3po kills it in that movie and also hayden christensen is amazing. One of the funniest actors

we've ever had. So you're just transfixed by that. Yeah, well, I think he just, like, he kind of transcended bad acting to a point where it was almost good. Right.

Or it was just its own thing. Yeah, like, it wasn't so much acting as it was just, like, trying to talk and move at the same time, which I found very wonderful. I'm going to mangle this,

but you had a tweet while watching it that was, like, watching Hayden Christensen perform is like watching someone learn how to talk for the first time. Yeah and they're like

still feeling it out. Yeah they're still feeling it out. I mean it's true right you're watching someone yeah have struggled doing two things at the same time basically. And he's so bad

at just those two things and then he has to also try to convey emotion and it doesn't work. And then there's a lot of crazy stuff happening around him at all times. Yeah.

And he talks about sand. I thought it was squanned at first. You thought he was pitching Nickelodeon squanned? I was thinking about squanned the entire week before, and then my friend was just like, I don't know what squanned is. Oh, yeah, it's great. It's Nickelodeon.

It was like when Gak was so big, and they were like, what's other things we can create? And it was like a mushy sand type compound. It's really disgusting. Okay. Yeah. It is true that Phantom Mass has a lot of Gak placement too.

Yeah. So it makes sense that he'd be talking about Squand in the second one. Oh my God, this stuff looks weird. It is weird. It was great. All right. But Hayden Christensen hates it. There's a YouTube video called Squand Commercial Slowed Down, which I'm going to watch later.

Okay. You also send me that link. Yeah, I will. the clones was your favorite oh yeah phantom menace quick thoughts which one is that the first one pod race um oh yeah i like the the pod race thing yeah no one told me how racist that movie was yeah very racist yeah yeah um i was one that jar jar was kind of but i thought it was a joke when someone told me that. And then I watched it and I was like, oh. You mean you couldn't believe that in 1999 such a thing would happen in a sci-fi franchise movie? Yeah, that movie didn't make me feel great.

Also, the Nemoidians and Watto the Flying Space Drew. I don't know what you're talking about. Watto's the slave owner who looks like my dad. Was that the movie that had that like there was one line where someone just goes well I'm not here

to feed a slave it was like alright yeah yeah that's the one that's about slaves yeah I didn't like that okay so Revenge of the Sith Anakin murders

a bunch of children oh that was great yeah you definitely enjoyed that right oh yeah my guess is by the time we were getting to the older movies

you were probably just sleepy and drunk. Yeah. Oh, I was very drunk. I don't remember the last movie that well. Great. Perfect. I know there was something about droids. Yeah.

A bunch of droids. Oh, and I was really mad because Todd had spoiled the whole thing about like... Our mutual friend Todd Vanderwerf. He spoiled like Hayden Christensen is Darth Vader. And I didn't know that. Yeah. It's crazy. Pilot had somehow managed to dodge that famous plot twist.

I did not know any of that. And it was weird for her. You knew who Darth Vader was having not seen the movies. It was weird for her like right before. I knew that Darth Vader was someone's dad. Like that's what I knew going into Star Wars. Okay. That's right.

You knew I am your father. Yes. And I knew that Yoda Vader was someone's dad. Like, that's what I knew going into Star Wars. That's right. You knew I am your father. Yes. And I knew that Yoda spoke backwards. Sure. And I, yeah, I think that's actually all I knew. And I knew there was someone named Anakin because that was my hamster's name. But that was it. Why did you name the hamster Anakin?

We got him when we went to Burger King. Okay. And they were handing out free Anakin posters. So I named him Anakin, but then Kulada bit his head off and I woke up to a dead headless hamster. Your other hamster was called Kulada. Yeah, because we also went to Dunkin' Donuts that day. I love food. I don't know why.

So Anakin really has only ever caused heartbreak for people. Yeah, so I only associated Star Wars with this headless hamster, so I wasn't really super into watching it. As opposed to a young man who kills children. Yeah, which is better. Yeah, no question. man who kills children. Yeah, which is better. Yeah. No question. No one likes children. But so just to set up what we're talking about today. Yes. We're talking about the Star Wars Holiday Special.

1978. Right, which aired on CBS a year after Star Wars came out, I guess. More like 18 months after, I guess, because it's Christmas time. Right, May. Yeah, so it's like 18 months later. And it was just like an idea like, let's keep Star Wars out there, you know, before the sequel. Well, this was also kind of what was done.

Like this was a time where TV... Yeah, your movie's a big hit. Yeah. You do variety specials. And people were reprising their characters over and over again. Like people were less precious about your franchise, you know, your outlets and whether things were canon or not. You just like would do stuff.

And like Bela Lugosi would still go on TV and play Dracula, like, 70 billion years later, you know? Right, right, right. These things happen. So I think they went to him and they went, oh, man, big ratings event. If we could do a Star Wars holiday special. We know there's going to be a sequel,

but it's a couple years off. Yeah, it's coming. Let's just get something out there. So they went to Georgie Boy Lucas, Georgie Porgy, and said, hey, Star Wars Holiday Special. And he went, I don't have the time. I'm making Star Wars movies. But if you want to do it, sure, here's my idea.

And he threw an idea over his shoulder as he walked away. He went, Chewbacca's got to get back home for the holidays with his family. I think he gave them, apparently gave them a little book of Wookiee mythologye mythology that he'd written like way back in the day when he was like writing the first Star Wars. But he also consulted it. He threw that book over his shoulder. Everything was over his shoulder. So after about 10 minutes of watching this, I had to like Wikipedia it because I realized I didn't think that it was part of the actual franchise.

I thought it was like some fan made thing on YouTube that just got like popular and looks like that. Yeah. And apparently it's like some fan made thing on YouTube that just got like popular and looks like that. Yeah. And apparently it's like a legit thing. It's it's it was a legally made film. Now, what is funny is that it only aired once and has never aired again or been sold in any physical media. Yeah. So George, apparently Carrie Fisher has a copy of it because she asked George Lucas for a tape and she puts it on at the end of her parties so that everyone will leave. That's something she said

in an interview once. I don't remember what it is but she asked for it as payment for something else she had to do. It was commentary. Commentary. Because I did read

that wiki this morning. Right. She was like, I'll do the commentary if you give me a copy. Yeah. So he has no hand in making the film.

It's just terrible payment. Hey, you know, the heart wants what it wants, pilot. I was trying to look up the ratings this got, like whether it was a hit, but I can't find any info from like Nielsen. Well, so, you know, larger picture before we get into the meat of this piece. Meat? The meat of this piece.

Yeah. The meat. Okay. The banthaloin, if you will. Yeah. To tip our hat to the future. What? Did you see this part?

We got a lot to talk about. I'm pretty sure the pilot turned this on. I'm watching it right now behind me, behind pilot's head. Jesus Christ. And just started skipping through it because it's demented. No, I kept it all on.

I just never really looked at the screen. I mean, I think if you focused in on this movie, you'd go mad. So I think you need to sort of keep yourself at a distance from it. George Lucas has no say in the making of this film. He gives them the idea. He gives them the legal rights. They contract some

of the original actors. They get a lot of new people. They have a team of writers including Bruce Valanche. Write a bunch of jokes and scripts. Bruce Valanche, who apparently tried to get his name taken off this. Bruce Valanche tried to get his name taken off this. Bruce Valanche tried to get his name taken off this. That's how bad this thing is.

And the director was like a TV guy, and they made this thing, and no one had really seen it. And it aired 1978, really hyped up. Oh, my God, new Star Wars. For the first time since Star Wars came out, we're getting a new Star Wars thing. And the legend is that it starts kind of classically Star Wars. Yeah, you got Han and Chewie in the cockpit. Hey, Chewie in the cockpit. Hey, Chewie, I'm driving as fast as I can.

The traffic's bad. Banter. You know, that's essentially what's happening. He's literally like, I've got to get you back in time. Geez. He seems like he's late. Yeah. That holiday starts in two hours. We've got to get back home.

Everyone's in this movie. Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford. Carrie Fisher. They all look like they're on Quaaludes. They're all completely blissed out. Everyone's on drugs in this movie. Han Solo looks like he's having a gun pointed at him. I mean, Harrison Ford. Carrie Fisher. They all look like they're on Quaaludes. They're all like completely blissed out. Everyone's on drugs in this movie. Han Solo looks like he's having a gun pointed at him from Oscar. I mean Harrison Ford.

Like he looks so unhappy. Yes. Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher literally look like they are on like mind altering. Carrie Fisher is swaying most of the time she's on. She looks like she's in a cult. Yeah. They didn't like totally. There she is.

Yeah. They didn't totally get her costume right. So they kind of just draped a sheet over her. And she just looks like she's like a moon person. Her pupils are very dilated. Okay, so opening of the film looks like Star Wars, right? They're in the cockpit. Ugh, the holiday starts in two hours.

We got to get moving. Okay, what is Life Day? Hey, that's what we have the next hour to discuss. Okay. We got to crack this code. That's the mystery we're trying to solve. Like, is that something that they made up just for this the next hour to discuss. Okay. We got to crack this code. That's the mystery we're trying to solve. Is that something that they made up just for this? Yeah, it is.

It is a Wookiee holiday, but it's like Wookiee Christmas, I guess. I have one more question. Are Wookiees and Ewoks the same or am I just racist? Different. Racist. You're total racist. But it should be acknowledged, initially in Richard and the Jedi, those were supposed to be Wookiee.

Interesting. The initial idea was like the furry indigenous folk would just be Wookiees. So the little tiny guys that I love, those are Ewoks. Wookiee. Interesting. The initial idea was the furry indigenous folk would just be Wookiees. So the little tiny guys that I love, those are Ewoks. And Chewbacca is a Wookiee. But they're different species. Can they mate? I mean, look, anyone can mate if they want to.

I don't know how it's going to turn out. Yeah, I mean... Yeah, the Wookiee is kind of... And where's the Ewoks? And we're like... Exactly. The opening starts out all right. Are you going to describe the opening for us again? Yeah, the Wookiee's kind of, and where's the Ewoks, and we're like, oh! Exactly. The opening starts out all right.

Are you going to describe the opening for us again? Chewbacca. No, but this is like, it's a beautiful turning point, right? Because America's watching. Yeah, and they're like, here we go. Yeah, they're in it. They're racing around. It's 1978, right?

Sure. I think maybe five VCRs exist. Right, right. No, because this is a key part of the legacy of this film. Maybe five VCRs exist and two of them are watching this special as it is. I'm watching it over Tyler's shoulder. It's so demanding. As they hit hyperdrive, they go, the Star Wars holiday special. List the whole cast. All my favorite actors. All faces like looking at the camera.

Yeah, waving. Yeah, Mark Hamill is like covered in white pancake makeup for no reason. Yeah. And then all these new stars who we'll get to in a second. And then it makes a hard cut, right? When the credits are over, it makes a hard cut to like a Hanna-Barbera background drawing of a treehouse. Yeah.

Right? Like a very, like not a lot of shading even. Like what is very clearly a two-dimensional, like crayon drawing of a treehouse. Right? Like a very, like not a lot of shading even. Like what is very clearly a two-dimensional, like crayon drawing of a treehouse. They didn't have like a matte painting ready for this? Yeah. I watched this three hours ago and I have no recollection of any of this. It's a hallucination. It's a group hallucination.

It was a fever dream. There's a slow zoom in on the treehouse and then they cut to inside as Chewbacca's wife Malaala his dad Itchy and his son Lumpy right and the next

ten minutes that's a pretty rude name by the way his dad looks insane insane the other two basically look like

Chewbacca's like Lumpy's like a little Chewbacca and the wife is like kind of just Chewbacca with an apron yeah she wears an apron

she wears an apron so that you can tell that she's not Chewbacca with an apron. Yeah. She wears an apron. She wears an apron so that you can tell that she's not Chewbacca. But Itchy, the dad... Looks like Nick Nolte. He's the Nick Nolte of Wookiees. Very strange looking creature. Itchy!

What happens is then there is 15 fucking minutes. Right. With no ad break. Yeah. It's crazy how few ad breaks there are in this. 15 minutes of just...

This is an hour and 37 minutes long. It aired in a two-hour time slot. There weren't a lot of ads. It would be an hour 18 now. To call what happens next a domestic drama would be an insult to the term drama. It is domestic, and we just watched 15 minutes of them doing assorted tasks around their house. Speaking in Wookiee. With no subtitles.

Yeah, just like- I don't like how gendered this is. It in Wookiee. With no subtitles. Yeah, just like. I don't like how gendered this is. It's very gendered. Very gendered. She's wearing an apron. Her big scene is she gets to make dinner. Like, that's her big action sequence. But she can't even do it well.

Yeah, she can't. Although, like, what is the dad's big scene? So they all have, like, these little. It's porn. The dad plugs into porn. We have to slow down a little. We have to slow down a little bit. The point I want to make before we start getting into trying to break

it's insane. It's insane. They live in this very 70s house. This big open plan house with a staircase. It looks like Joey's house in the sitcom Joey. I don't know if anyone has seen Joey. I mean obviously I've seen Joey.

He's got this big open plan house with a staircase. It kind of looks like this house. I almost wonder if it's the same location. Sorry, carry on. The point I want to make before we start getting into it. I like how familiar you are with Joey's house. I love Joey's house. Very good house.

Oh, man. Before we start breaking this down on a micro level, the legend sort of is that at this point, somewhere along these 15 minutes of just Wookiees doing stuff, 75% of the viewing audience turns up. Right? I mean, why wouldn't they? The ratings were really big for the first two minutes of Han Solo and Chewbacca in the

cockpit, and then everyone starts turning off. So there were two people who still keep recording this special. Yeah, who are like, no, maybe something interesting is going to happen in the next two hours. Keep the VCR running. Apparently Bruce Valanche said he couldn't believe that they did all this Wookiee stuff because, to quote

Bruce Valanche, the only noise Wookiees make are fat guy orgasm noises. That's such a Valanche joke. It is. I mean, he's a fat guy. No offense, Bruce. I was kind of hoping the entire thing would be in that language with no subtitles that would be impressive it'd be audacious i would argue they made the worst also a lot of it is yeah it's like it's too much but it's somehow not enough i agree i think they need it either need to be a hundred percent or zero percent

to do 40 is really tough i just, I did find the ratings data. According to Nielsen Media Research, it was seen by 13 million television households finishing second to Love Boat. Just an episode of Love Boat. Yeah. Yeah.

So there you go. Was it a Star Wars episode of Love Boat? It was. It was a Star Wars episode. But a lot of people tuned out. George Lucas apparently

caught it. I know you said- Every time I laugh randomly it's because Lucas apparently caught it. Every time I laugh randomly it's because I just caught it again in the corner of my eye. Ben is just sitting silently watching the special on the computer. The dad looks like the abominable snowman. Yeah, I know you said we're coming up to a part

I like to talk about which is their entertainment systems. They turn on a chess set but it turns into this wacky interpretive dance. It's like Cirque du Soleil. Who is this for? What is this? Why would rookies watch humans dancing?

This is when I had to stop and see if it was actually a real thing. I still thought it was fan fiction. They're basically watching an episode of The Electric Company done by French acrobats. There's a rainbow arch that they all tumble out of and they're all...

But like, okay, this series has, I know there was only one Star Wars movie at this point, but they've established what aliens look like and what humans look like. And these performers

on this little robot table look like humans with green jumpsuits. Yeah. So are they supposed to be, within the reality of this film little aliens or

humans who are wearing like green face and pretending to be aliens? Yeah I think it's humans pretending to be aliens. Right?

And I think it's really offensive. It's offensive. But maybe the Wookiees are kind of offensive. Maybe they like weird like human minstrelry.

I mean they definitely like it. Look at Lumpy. He's transfixed right now. To complete this point that I've been trying to make. Yeah, go ahead. Sorry. Everyone turns it off. The ratings dip. It probably started out with 20 million viewers,

ended at 13, and two people record the thing the whole way. George Lucas apparently watches it, and 30 minutes in calls up and is like, who the fuck let this happen? And he's flipping out and just yelling at everybody. And so the second this special ends, he gets himself to CBS

headquarters, has them give him the master tape, and just pulls back every single possible copy of the film. I believe he has said, if I could smash every single tape, I would. So that's the point. You think he would have watched it before it aired.

Too busy. It's true. It's an hour and 37 minutes. I'm pretty busy, and I watched it. But this was also the last time that George Lucas, until he sold Disney, didn't have 100% control over everything. Right. This sort of taught him a lesson, is what you're asking. It made him too controlling, I would say, as a result result in response to this. But the way we're still able to see this movie is the two people who recorded it

on their primitive 1978 VCRs like made dupes of dupes of dupes of dupes. And it just sort of got passed around as this weird like culty underground. For decades. You'd have to go to a comic convention. These scenes are so long. Everything in this movie is so long.

This is still happening. This movie feels like it's 17 hours in. Here's clearly what happened. They were like, okay, you get Harrison Ford, you get Mark Hamill, you get all those guys for five minutes. Each of them. So you got an hour and a half of nothing.

You got to fill. Who's your new main character? Art Carney. So there's just like a lot of bits. Like there's that chess sequence, I mean that dancing sequence on the holographic chess It's just tiny people on trivia pursuit board. By calling them bits, you make it sound like it's funny. Yeah, like they feel more

like segments in like Matthew Barney's Cremaster cycle. Like they're just visual repetition. They are works of anti-comedy. They are. The cooking segment, which I believe is the next segment. That's my favorite part of the entire film. In which? No, it's not. It's my second favorite part. Yeah, the Diane Carroll. Or is it the B. Arthur? No, B. That's my favorite part of the entire film. In which? No, it's not. It's my second favorite part. Yeah, the dying Carol.

Or is it the B-Arthur? No, B-Arthur is my favorite part. It's the one part of the special I would argue is legitimately good. Yeah. I would disagree. Well, the cartoon's all right. So this is Mark Hamill is now Skyping in to see how Chewbacca's family is doing. By the way, R2 is just farting dry ice everywhere during this scene for no good reason.

And I think they were just like, we need some business to happen. So let's just pour some dry ice onto this scene for no good reason and I think they were just like we need some business to happen so let's just pour some dry ice onto this scene. There's a part where Mark Hamill says okay he's just shooting dry ice around. There's a part where Mark Hamill says like come on guys don't be so sad. Come on Lumpy give me a smile and they cut back to Lumpy

and his face is like the same like grimaced like constipated Wookiee face he has and then Luke's like come on give me a constipated, wookie face he has. And then Luke's like, come on, give me a smile. He says it to the wife. Oh, he says it to the wife, right. He says it to the wife. I remember it sticking out to me just like, oh, that's so disgusting.

That would be such a thing piece right now. It would. He says, come on, cheer up. Her face is the same. And then he goes, come on, Mala, give me a smile. And then she makes the exact same face and he goes there we go because the faces were so inexpressive they couldn't make them smile so he

just has to react as if she smiled even all she does is just open her teeth a little bit um yeah what was I gonna say he looks so high he looks really his mind I would not be surprised if this was like two weeks after the car crash and he's on like a multitude of painkillers

his face is still so baby face his face looks kinda weird but I don't that's a fair the other thing is like the stakes of this movie are like Han and Chewie haven't arrived that's like the whole thing they're stuck in traffic yeah it's like they're just waiting for them to show up

so they call people and they're like they haven't arrived and the people are like they haven't arrived. And the people are like, they haven't arrived. I'm sure they'll arrive. Like, that's it. Everyone else just calls in. There's all this business where Art Carney. Who is pretty much the lead of this film? Academy Award winner Art Carney.

He had already won, I believe, at the time of the special. For Harry and Tonto? Yeah. Legend of screens large and small. What did you think of Art Carney's performance? He plays the old junk shop guy. Friend of the Wookiees. Yeah, all I have, I wrote down on my phone,

well, in my phone, I was just like, who is this guy and what is he doing? I don't know what's happening at all. He's talking a lot, just like, ooh, we've got a wallet over here, we've got some stuff over here. I gotta admit, it's like such dated comedy. Yeah.

But I kind of love it. It's like there's something about, there's like these really corny lines he just throws out. And I was like, I'm all on board for this hammy shit. My take is I think this character, Art Carney's Wookiee junk shop owner slash inventor. But not a Wookiee. Not a Wookiee.

He just lives among the Wookiees. Right, on a Wookiee planet that seemingly is otherwise only inhabited by Wookiees. He's the one human that lives amongst them. This is four years after he won an Oscar. Four years after he won an Academy Award. He is kind of the lead of this movie. He's in it the most, apart from the Wookiees. Yeah, no, I think he's, I mean, he definitely has the most dialogue.

Yeah. Yeah. He's got these glasses, like, pushed all the way down his nose. He's like, yeah. His shirt is really open. Yeah, his shirt's very open. He seems to be wearing just, like, a lambswool shirt. It kind of looks like Polar Tech, but it's 1978, so I assume it isn't.

This is my theory that I like to, you know, kick around in my head. Go ahead. 13 million people are watching this. Yeah. Families are turning it off. Turning over to Love Boat. Right. They're live hating it, you know, whatever it was.

No live tweeting. Or maybe, I think parents are probably like, this is the thing you're so obsessed with to their kids. Like, really? This thing? This is the thing you went to see eight times? That was when parents realized their kids were idiots. Yeah, exactly. This was the first time ever that people realized that kids were dumb. So this scene of Vader walking down a corridor...

Reused footage. It's just reused footage, and the guy next to him, Bast, is in the movies. But he dies in Star Wars, of course, because the Death Star gets blown up. So on Wikipedia, there's an entry for Chief Bast lookalike who has to be, because this is canonical. Yeah. There has to be another character who just looks exactly like him. Wait, can I say my favorite thing about the Star Wars movies when I watched it was that Hayden Christensen grew up to be James Earl Jones.

Oh, yeah. Which is amazing. Yes. This is amazing. Yes. This is my theory. People are booing. Parents are yelling at their kids. Everyone hates it. Art Carney starts doing his routine.

It's a Wookiee toothbrush. Also a hairbrush. You know, new prop. It's this. Also that. Do you think he's just improv-ing? I think everyone else is going, what the fuck happened? And one little boy sits there watching TV and goes,

this, this is what I want to do when I grow up. And that becomes Carrot Top. Art Carney's bit in this movie feels like- Let me see if the dates line up there. How old is Carrot Top? The forebear to Carrot Top's entire comedic- Carrot Top's like 90. He's pretty old.

But Carrot Top's entire- Carrot Top was born in 1965, so he would have been- 13 years old. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And I think he'd be like, wait, you can make jokes just by holding up a prop and saying it's two things? Doesn't this feel like a proto-Carrot Top routine?

You're making me hate this more and more as we go along. It's true. It's a great movie. I didn't think you were going to tie Carrot Top in somehow. Right? Anyway. Okay, so this is a great scene. Mala puts on her apron and has to get ready to make a bantha loin,

a.k.a. bantha dick, for her family for life day dinner. Oh, yeah, I hated this scene. Now, who is this playing the four-armed chef? Harvey Korman, one of the greatest comedic actors of all time. So what's going on here? Because this scene isn't even funny. Like, not even in a, like, it doesn't even seem to be trying to be funny.

No, I can tell you what the joke is supposed to be. I embarrassingly have seen this three times. Okay. I had never, I want to say I've never seen this before. Very embarrassing. I've seen this three times. I love Star Wars. Yeah.

The joke here is supposed to be that she's like the Julia Child of Space. Sure. But she has four arms. Right. And so she teaches people how to cook, and they're supposed to watch and cook along with her. Right, but they don't have four arms.

So they can't keep up with her. That's what the joke is supposed to be. Because Julia Child is also infamous for being a very challenging chef and having challenging recipes. Right. And also having four arms. Yes. And having four arms.

Yeah, but she used those other two arms to just like play paddock. I didn't want to say jacket. I'll let you say jacket. I'm very concerned about the hygiene issues of all that hair going into the food. Yeah, she's got this crazy hair helmet. Yes. Oh, you're talking about the

Wookiees. Yeah. Well, you gotta assume if you're eating Wookiee cuisine, you're just gonna have some hair, right? You just gotta assume it, right? Little hair's gonna get in there. This scene is completely bonkers. It goes on for 45 minutes. It's incredibly long. It's about the length of a cooking show. Yep.

I agree with Pilot that it's ridiculously gendered. I don't know why a Wookiee would wear an apron. Yeah, there's no reason! Wookiees don't wear clothes. So where suddenly is she getting an apron? Well,'s a woman she's in the kitchen Also she doesn't want to get food all over her hair The hair that's everywhere If that were the case she should be wearing a hazmat suit

Alright let's jump along I want to get to grandpa's part Okay I want to get to grandpa's part That's my favorite part Who signed off on that I want to get to grandpa's part that's my favorite part it's like what who signed off on that yeah there's some business where like the stormtroopers

show up which doesn't make much sense well the arcana caretap routine is him trying to like evade suspicion from the empire the stormtroopers show up

no have you skipped past Jefferson Starship or is that earlier that's who that was that comes later okay alright so grandpa plugs into his, I don't know, his mind porn machine.

No, you're skipping over. That's a Christmas present. That's a Life Day present that Art Carney brings to me. Oh, okay, okay. Art Carney comes bearing gifts, and he goes, here are the things. I love you. You're my close friends.

Here are the things I've gotten specifically for you. And Itchy's like, and he's like, no, don't worry, Itchy. I got you something you're going to really like, but I can't show it to you in front of everyone else. Come back here with me. Plugs him into a chair and immediately swirling colors and like, hello there. How do you feel?

It's insane. Do you like me? You should. Yeah, she's talking right to camera. Because I'm everything you want to be. There's crazy disco. I'm your pleasure. Yeah, no, that made me like physically upsetcerally upset yeah i mean it's uncomfortable like she's just trying to like

fuck that kid wookie right i mean no this is the old man old man wookie which is maybe worse maybe better it's diane carroll like one of who's great the greatest singers like and entertainers. And she's trying to seduce an animal, essentially. Like a legendary figure. The first black woman to be the lead in an American TV show. And what the hell is this? So she's wearing... Her outfit is amazing, though. It is pretty great.

Her hair is almost linked to her sort of weird pink-white dress. It's honestly just like the Lil' Kim thing she wore to the MTV Awards. Yes, yes. One tit's totally out. Yeah. It's like a sling. But she's not, it's not like, oh, Art Carney bought Itchy some porn. He's like, I bought a machine that plugs into your brain and gives you exactly what you want to see most in the world.

So that's his ultimate fantasy. That's his ultimate fantasy is Diane Carroll wearing a little Kim dress just telling him how nice he is. And then singing a song. She's also like the whole thing is sexual but in terms of what she actually says it's mostly just her being very complimentary of him.

Yeah. He just wants someone to respect him. Yeah right well it sort of inches close like walks right up to the line of like her just her just, like, having mental sex with him on, like, a weird VR tape. And then it kind of pulls back and she starts singing. She wants him to experience her. Yeah. Which is a really weird way to, like, hit on someone and say, hey, experience me. Yeah.

And now it's, like, a kaleidoscope image where it's, like, three Diane Carrolls on screen, like, different sizes, like, phasing in and out. And it just looks like a kaleidoscope image where it's like three Diane Carroll's on screen like different sizes like phasing in and out And it just looks like a kaleidoscope in the background It's like octagons like and this is about 30 minutes in so I think this might be where George really through the line Yeah, like hold up found the tape. You think this is where George started? I think he saw grandpa's segment here. George got his like 1978 Dodge Dart and he like drove over to the cbs lot and he was like what the fuck are you guys doing it is pretty daring though this is like 1978 and you're asking us to watch like what is a first person sequence like you're watching someone's fantasy what this is is a

variety show they're just it's like a sci-fi variety show so like what would a sci-fi variety show look like i don't know maybe like a mental sex tape. I don't know about weird French dancers. I like it. Well, like they wanted a Diane Carroll number, but they didn't want to have like Han Solo

go like, ladies and gentlemen, Diane Carroll. Which is what they should have done. Yeah, that would have been so much better.

Here's my pitch for Star Wars. They should have been at the canteen. Agreed, agreed. They should just be at the bar, and they're just like chatting,

and they're like, oh, crazy, we drive the Millennium Falcon, whoa, anyway. And then like, ladies and gentlemen, Diane Carroll, and she just just like chatting and they're like, oh, crazy. We drive the Millennium Falcon. Whoa. Anyway. And then like, ladies and gentlemen, Diane Carroll. And she just gets on stage. They just watch her.

Right? Correct. Occam's Razor. That's what it should have been. It should have just been that. Yeah. Instead, it's this weird like, oh my God, this is an acid trip. Yeah.

This is the part where she's sort of, she gets silhouetted and she's, it's like a 2001 white tunnel. Guys, I know that now everyone listening to this episode has seen this thing. I'm not going to say watch it.

It's on YouTube. At least scan across it. Maybe just check in with it. I would say watch it. It has to be seen to be believed. For sure. Leia messages in

once again asking the same thing Luke did which is, where is C-3PO? Where is Chewbacca, rather? She gets really angry at the fact that they're talking in Wookiee to her. Yeah. She's like, hey, how are you folks doing? And they're like, oh. And she's like, Jesus Christ, I'm a fucking human being.

C-3PO, can you translate? Is it because she hates foreigners? Yeah, apparently. Is that the gist of this? She makes Art Carney come to the video. human being. C-3PO, can you translate? Is it because she hates foreigners? Yeah, apparently. She makes Art Carney come to the video phone. That's true. And like talk to her and explain what's going on. And then once again it's like, well, there's nothing

we can do about it, but I'm sure he'll get there. And she looks very sad. Well, Leia looks sad? No, Carrie Fisher looks sad. Leia looks fine. no carrie fisher looks sad understandably so carrie fisher looks miserable um what happens next is oh we do briefly cut back to han solo here they're just well let's get to the part where the stormtroopers stormtroopers show up this part is not this guy is crazy the guy who's like flicking his wrists around yeah he's like weird now we've talked a

lot about how in this trilogy, George uses like a lot of Nazi-esque imagery from like the uniforms to their behavior, you know, even some of the ships and everything is like trying to evoke that sort of like oppressive dictatorship, you know? Yeah, it's like really weird that everyone kept recommending this to me.

And they're like, yeah, you know, Nazi imagery, minstrel show. Like, you should watch it. You just like Minions. You don't want to watch this nonsense. Minions are pure. Is there any Nazi imagery in the Minions? No, they have a whole expression as to why they cut out the whole Nazi stuff.

Yeah, because, right, because they do, of course, they are attracted to evil or whatever. And it goes throughout history. Yep, but they skip over the, because they were like frozen in a cave. So they just were frozen for the time being. Does it go from, like, Napoleon to the 60s in the movie? Kind of.

I haven't seen Minions. Oh, my God. Wow. I find this chunk of the movie genuinely disturbing and upsetting, not because it is well done, but because it, like, really dramatically

is a recreation of, like, Nazi investigations. Oh, sure. You know, yeah, because, like, people are basically hiding under the floorboards. Yeah, recreation of like Nazi investigations. Oh, sure. You know, yeah. Because like people are basically hiding under the floorboards. Yeah, it's like Anne Franky. Yeah. They're like looking for the rebels.

Yeah, except Anne Frank's family never tried to distract the Nazis by playing a Jefferson Starship music video for them. Which is what happened. My brain explodes when I'm watching this because on one hand, like I'm a Jewish person who constantly lives in of unconscious terror that, like, a group of people will come and try to kill out my entire race again. Like, that exists. And so watching these scenes, even when they're poorly done, I'm like, fuck, this could happen. I'd be hiding under a floorboard. And then here comes Jefferson Starship. And then Jefferson Starship just does a little nut.

They're in a box. They're in a little toy box. It's kind of good. Yeah, they do a good job. They're kind of rocking out. I didn't know who that was. No, I mean, why? I still don't really know

who Jefferson Starship is. Well, here's how to answer that question. It was 1978. They needed a rock band to play the Star Wars Holiday Special. What band has Starship in their name? Yeah, that's the only reason they asked them to do this. I never even made that connection.

It's like a Jefferson Starship song that I would know. The one from the Star Wars holiday special? No, that's not. That's just Starship. They evolve into Starship. They went from Jefferson Airplane. They were initially Jefferson Airplane who did White Rabbit and Don't You Want Somebody We Built This City has been stuck in my head since October, but I thought that it was Journey

this whole time. No. No, no. Easy mistake to make. It was Starship, singular. Okay. God. Ben.

Nothing's going to stop us now. That's a Jefferson Starship song. Yeah. Anyway. Ben already lost his mind. I want to say, so here's the Jefferson Starship video, right? The other thing that happens is Lumpy goes to his room and watches a cartoon about his dad. Yeah.

What? It's almost like it's coming in as like a transmission. But it's like a, it's from the past. Right. It's not like what's happening right now. It's how they meet Boba Fett.

Yeah. It's a weird side adventure where Luke, Chewie, Han, go to like a planet that's made out of red goo. Like shaggy 70s animation yeah not clean stuff

it's like it looks all right i like the way it looks but i'm saying it's not like a clean conventional style it's like closer to like fritz the cat in aesthetics than it is to like you know uh the the hannah barbara aesthetics of the treehouse itself uh yeah it's not hannah barbara anyway they watch this cartoon. Here's Lumpy watching. He's got these crazy headphones on. And he's worried. He doesn't want the... Yeah, he's trying to shut the demons out.

And he also doesn't want the Imperial forces to see the cartoon. Yeah, that's sort of weird. But anyway, so the cartoon, now we should mention, was the introduction of Boba Fett. Is the introduction of Boba Fett. It's the first time he appears.

Who's Boba Fett? The guy with the green helmet and the sort of... Okay. I'm just gonna... He's the one who captures Han Solo. In your favorite film, Attack of the Clones,

he's the little boy who's sad when his dad dies. Oh, okay. The one boy who's sad. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. This guy.

Oh, he's adorable. That's who he grows up to be, but he's the one who holds up his father's decapitated head in the arena. Hey, I will say, though, the cartoon is so garbage. I kind of like it. It's better than the rest.

I will say the quality of the artwork and that style, I love. Me too. It's so throwback-y and just reminds me of, I forget the movie now, but there's a classic 70s animated film. Heavy Metal? Yeah. Yeah, it's like Heavy metal. I really like the shiny robot dude in the cartoon.

C-3PO? Yeah, I thought he was great in the cartoon. Yeah, he is pretty good in the cartoon. Very expressive eyes. So they watch this weird cartoon. But look at this. We're still on scenes of kicking furniture around. It's just kind of disturbing. It makes me uncomfortable. There's a stuffed bantha, which makes no sense.

Banthas are from Tatooine. This isn't Tatooine. Sorry. Pilot's laughing at me right now. I have no idea what you're talking about. Welcome to my fucking every week with these guys. No idea what they're talking about. Ben, occasionally we would like get so deep that Ben would be like, what are you talking about?

Who are these? Who are these names? Like you can just make up like complete words right now and i would just assume that part of the stalwart thing i have no idea um yeah well let's do that i was trying to i was about to try and think of a name but all i could think of was lumpy which is so i i had totally forgotten about this but wikipedia reminds me the next thing that happens is like harvey Korman again plays a robot just delivering like technical

instructions. The bit is that this is what, once again, what the joke is supposed to be. The joke is supposed to be that he's doing an instructional video on how to set up your robot, but he himself is a robot and he's malfunctioning. So he's trying to explain how to make things work, but he himself doesn't work.

Hey, the editing though reminded me of Tim and Eric. Yeah. I almost kind of feel like they were influenced by this somehow because it's so on with what they do with that kind of quick, weird edits and the jerking of the heads and whatnot. Well, the energy of this bit's very weird because he keeps on essentially falling asleep mid-line. So I didn't know he was a robot until right now, so now this makes a little bit more sense. That's a good point. He just looks like a person. Yeah, I thought he was just like a creepy dude.

It is not made clear. Once again, I've seen this three times. I figured out that that's what they were trying to do. No, he's... I only know he's a robot because Wikipedia says so. No, this is made clear. Harvey Korman, once again, one of the greatest comedic actors of all time, playing three different roles.

Wait, so what's the third one? He plays the chef, he plays the robot. He plays the guy with the hole who drinks out of his head at the cantina. B. Arthur pours the drink into his head. He's in love with B. Arthur. So what happens next is the Imperials come on the screen and they're like, martial law has been declared in Tatooine,

another planet. We cut there to a bar staffed by B. Arthur. Oh, you're missing my- By Emmy and Golden Globe winner B. Arthur. You're skipping my favorite. You missed the setup. I believe it's now dead. The setup.

The setup to this is incredible. It doesn't make any sense. They go, yeah, it makes no sense. They go, and now as part of imperial regime, we shall be showing you another installment of Life on Tatooine. So you can see how their life is run, feel better about yourself,

presented as always. And the guy's like stammering as he's saying it like they can't figure out how to make the dialogue work. Presented as always. Unscripted and unedited. So essentially what they're saying is at a certain time in the day, the Empire forces all TVs to just play documentary footage

of a place where everyone's sad and it's like the most popular program. You're supposed to be just seeing raw footage so that everyone can feel better about their own lives. It's just like Investigation Discovery. Yes. It's just all these really sad stories about murder

and you're like, oh, my life's okay now. But your TV automatically turns itself on at a given point in the day to do that live. This is like live footage as it's happening. It's like if Investigation Discovery was produced by Barack Obama and was a camera following around people while they were murdered. I would watch

that. That'd be a great show. That would be great. Obama, if you're listening, please get on it. They'll be facing. Yeah. Jeb would definitely do that show. That might be a reason to vote for Jeb. Jeb would definitely make that show happen. I barely know what you guys are talking about. Did you just endorse Jeb Bush right do that show. That might be a reason to vote for Jeb. Jeb would definitely make that show happen. I barely know what you guys are talking about. Did you just endorse Jeb Bush right now?

I said that would be a reason to vote for Jeb. That's all I'm going to say, and I'll let you put one and one together. I'm voting for Jeb. I don't know if she did ever win a Golden Globe, but she won a Tony and an Emmy. Jeb Bush? Yeah, Jeb Bush. B. Arthur is Jeb Bush.

Jeb Bush has an EGOT. Yeah, he has an EGOT. He just only won two of them as B. Arthur. Jeb Bush? Oh. Yeah, Jeb Bush. B. Arthur is Jeb Bush. Jeb Bush has an EGOT. Yeah, he has an EGOT. Right. Of course. He just only won two of them as B. Arthur. He won his Oscar as Benicio Del Toro. And he won his Golden Globe. No, that's the EGOT.

He was a rumor Willis. He was named Miss Golden Globe. He won an EGOT, you're saying. He didn't win the Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony. Oh, it's Grammy, not Golden Globe. Right, I forgot no but he won an Egget yeah yeah

which is he won a Golden Globe as Rumor Willis as Miss Golden Globe won an Oscars Benicio Del Toro for Traffic and then won two awards as Bea Arthur

okay so Bea Arthur is so good in this this is legitimately I think a really good performance yeah it's really fun so we cut to the cantina that we know from A New Hope it's a really good performance

that just comes out of nowhere nowhere cause she's actually playing it real goodbye goodbye and you're what like who's this oh my god this is harvey corman no i know so harvey corman is a guy who thinks that that she's in love with him because he went there the night before and she went goodbye until i see you again you know or whatever and he comes and he's drunk he's an alien he's got a hole in his head she has to pour the drinks into the top of his noggin and she's like look whatever you think i said well what you wanted to hear that whatever it wasn't like she says some crazy sentence and he's like no but surely we love each other and then she says it to like six other guys

and it's this weird little like slice of life drama of like the cantina which we had seen before is like oh this is a place of like scumbags and criminals and it's like all these people are just sad they're sad and they don't have anywhere else to go and they fall in love with anyone who even shows them a second of attention and then the government comes on the TV and is like all citizens of Tatooine

must leave immediately so the Wookiees are watching a TV show of what's happening live on Tatooine I don't know forget it sorry I'll cut this out and then the TV tells them are watching a TV show of what's happening live on Tatooine. Like, what are they? I don't know. Forget it. Sorry. I'll cut this out.

And then the TV tells them, please keep that in. The TV tells them that has to be in. That they all have to leave the bar. They're grounded. I think that's what they say.

Yes. No, but no. Guys, we're really going to debate the stories. On the Wookiee planet, they're grounded. On Tatooine,

they want them all to leave because then Bea Arthur's like, out. Everybody out of the bar. And she sings a song called good night comma but not goodbye because they won't leave and she's like fine one last round of drinks on me and the song is set to the music of the cantina music they play good night but not goodbye all right she doesn't have that deep a voice. She's smoking 100s.

Now, I believe this is pre-Golden Girl. It is. So this is pre-her kind of rebound. She's on Maud. Yeah. And then there was Maud. Maud may have been cancelled. So it's post-Maud. Maud had just been cancelled.

Ooh. Alright. But I think she plays this character with a real emotional weight. This is a woman who is surrounded all day by dead-end people and dead-end lives. You know, her job is to be a temporary friend to people who have no one. And she sits around. She's a bartender. Let's have another drink.

What did you think of the scene with the author? I really love the author. I love her but I love her I love her are you a golden girls I've never seen golden girls I just like her existence feels like a

there's just so many episodes I know I know it's a real beast a marathon because Pilot is very good at marathoning you know classics of TV

it's on my list but I I liked her I didn't like her scene no the scene's rough do you like the song? no

you don't think it's catchy? no I thought it was a jam I disagree with you that's me I jammed to it I mean I would watch like an entire sitcom based on like

a Star Wars bar yeah yeah me too show me a show that's just sad aliens in a bar I mean like we said if the whole special was this

I'd be more on board it's a little j's just sad aliens in a bar. I mean, like we said, if the whole special was this, I'd be more on board. It's a little jarring to cut to this and then cut right out of it. Okay, so here's my pitch. You totally justified it, though, David. It's a documentary that everyone has to watch all the time. A live documentary. What do you mean? Here's my plan.

I am going to cut this Be Arthur section out of the holiday special on its own so it's not jarring. And then I'm going to submit just that piece to the Academy Awards for consideration in their live action short category. And I expect that I will be an Oscar winner come February. I'm calling it right here. I think you will be sued by Lucasfilm. I don't think so because George pretends this movie doesn't exist. Have you seen the Conan segment though

where they play this for Harrison Ford and he's so furious? Yes. Because he's never seen it and he pretends that it doesn't exist because for a while

Lucas denied it existed. Their attitude was like if no one can prove it happened then it's just our word. And these tapes kept on leaking out at like Comic Cons. People were buying VHSs that were like 17th generation

dupes. And now with the internet, anyone can watch it anytime. Poor Georgie. They should remaster it. Yeah, he should do what he does with his films. This is the only one I want to see a special edition of. So this movie, after the

Bea Arthur sequence, cuts back to the house, the Wookiee house. Han and Chewie arrive, and there's like an action scene where they dispose of the stormtroopers. Many of them are murdered. You think that Lumpy is about to be killed by a stormtrooper. He comes in. Lumpy's playing with his toy. He throws the toy down the ground.

He picks his gun up off a shelf that he just put it on, and then chases Lumpy around the house, and then Chewbacca and Han Solo come in and save the day. It's like kind of a dark Christmas special. It is! Well, it's not a Christmas special, it's a holiday special, it's a life special. Life is not a science fiction concept. Up until this point in the movie, and I use that term loosely, movie, we still have no understanding of what Life Day is. No, not at all. It's just a holiday.

According to Wikipedia, it's once every three years. Oh, shit. So it's very important. I love that every time they go to Luke or Leia, they go like, man, if I know Chewie, he'd never miss a life day. And it's like, you've known Chewie for like three weeks. Within the chronology of this film, you don't know him that well. You don't know that

he'd never miss a life day. You just met the guy. I mean, I never miss a life day. Yeah, but that's you. I know you. I've known you for years. I know that you never miss a life day. That's what everyone knows about you. That's your Twitter bio. It is really funny where Han Solo's like, I know, I know, life day. That's what everyone knows about you. That's your Twitter bio. It is really funny where Han Solo's like, I know, I know, life day. Don't worry, don't worry.

We're going to make it. We're going to make it. We all know what life day is. We know you love life day. So when they go to the house and Mala is like preparing Banff the dick and everyone's getting presents, you're like, this is just like Christmas.

It's just Christmas. They're going to make a big dinner. They're going to get some presents. That's all that it is. Then Chewbacca puts on a blood red robe. Well, no, I want to, before we get past it, I just want to say the part between Chewbacca and his wife where they have that weird stare off and then start making out.

Yep. Very strange. Yep. Super weird. I mean, they're in fursuits. How do you really represent intimacy? That was the only part of the movie I liked. I mean, they're in fursuits. How do you really represent intimacy? That was the only part of the movie I liked. I mean, I'll say this is-

It was the most air bud part of the movie. I mean, it was the most relatable part. If only they'd wink to the camera right after they kiss. As someone who for six- Or a train. Or a train going through a tunnel. Pulling a little hitchcock. It's a furry train.

It's a furry train It's a furry train Going to a furry tunnel I think it's just cut To like a dog Humping another dog Yeah I'm you know The guy who for six movies

Has wished that these films Had more like More sex in them Yeah like unsimulated Aggressive full penetration Sex on screen And then this is like Maybe you know

Probably like that Be careful what you wish for Because I'm watching this kiss, and I'm like, maybe I don't want sex to exist, period. Yeah, well, I mean, the Star Wars universe basically exists beyond sex. So there are definitely Star Wars porn parodies. Oh, yeah. How come you're not doing episodes about that?

Because I want official canon stuff. What are you talking about? You have read Star Wars porn fan fiction on this podcast three different times. I love that idea. Yeah, we've done that three different times. Can we watch Star Wars porn fan fiction on this podcast three different times. I love that idea. We've done that three different times. Can we watch Star Wars porn and then review those? Oh, you're saying we've never watched, like, whatever. Star Bones, Star whatever.

I don't think we'll have the same spirit. There is an episode, if you want to go on our back catalog, where he reads me fan fiction about Qui-Gon being fellated by Obi-Wan Kenobi at a glory hole on an alien planet. Excuse me, a space glory hole. None of these are words.

So Life Day looks like a suicide cult preparing to sacrifice themselves. They are in some kind of dark chamber with very obvious spotlights. There's dry ice everywhere. C-3PO is leading the procession. C-3PO and R2-D2 are for

some reason involved. Ordained by the Universal Life Church. Chewbacca's there. Does he do anything? He holds an orb. Doesn't he hold a thing like a stone? That's not doing something. It's just holding something.

It seems like part of tradition. The weird thing is I mean probably because the Wookiees can't speak Leia explains what Life Day is and then sings a song

in celebration of Life Day and the song is to the tune of the Star Wars main instrumental theme but I want to point out Carrie Fisher

does not get the high note at all like she bombs the high note of the Star Wars but she gets the high note if you catch my drift. I do catch your drift, yes. Yeah, this is when I, like, stop watching. Yeah, well, Carrie Fisher is whacked out on whatever she's whacked out on.

But the song is literally her going, like, These days we spend together. Like, it's her singing words to Star Wars. She can't stop swaying. At a certain point she starts screaming and then punching Chewbacca in her chest and everyone has to remind her to calm down and chill out. She writes three screenplays during this musical number. Carrie Fisher, one of the greatest screenplay writers.

I was just making a Coke screenplay, Jack. That's what I was doing. But she is a really good screenwriter. What has she written? Well, Postcards from the Edge. But I mean, she was a famous

script doctor in the 90s. She did punch up on a lot of things. Did she write this special? Yeah, she wrote this special. She did, yeah.

Oh, she's not a good writer. She coughed it onto a napkin. At a party being held by Joey Buttafuoco. I don't know. I couldn't do

a 70s reference. No, this was a landmark film, though, because this was the first... Look, she's leaning. It looks like she's being suspended by wires. No, she can't stand up. This is, I don't know if you know this, but it's a historical fact.

This was the first movie ever to be based off of Bloody Coke Flap. That's what it was adapted from. Sometimes Griffin really leads up to a bit, and then he does the bit, and the bit is bad. That's my favorite. And I'm just angry with him, and that's his favorite part of the podcast.

Is that not the joke? Is not the joke that I am persistent in my lead up to get to the point where you're unamused, and then I smile like this? Yes. I wish people could see the smile. I felt pretty good about that. I felt pretty good about that hairy train part.

Oh, Ben, you killed it. You killed the hairy train joke. That was pretty good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And hairy tunnel. Let's not forget. A very hairy tunnel. Have you ever met Ben before, Pilot?

No. What do you think of Ben? I want to go. No, let's talk about Ben for a little bit because we love Ben. No, he seems great. What's happening is we're now done. We're not done. We've got to talk about Ben. a little bit, because we love Ben. No, he seems great. What's happening is we're now done. We're not done.

We've got to talk about Ben. How long have we been running Ben? Like 45 minutes? This is going to be our shortest episode ever. Almost an hour. All right. Almost an hour. I want to say some things about Ben.

Oh, great. Oh, my God. Did you write something down? No, I'm just getting more. Are you just looking at your text? Oh, you're kidding. Griffin's email got hacked today. If you got an email from me today, it wasn't.

That's all I got to say. Yep. Don't click on the link. I'm going to hack some stuff. Oh, yeah. I forgot. It ends with them. They just cut together a bunch of scenes from the hit movie Star Wars.

Chewbacca has a little bit. Oh, I love that movie. As if to remind you, yeah, like, sorry, guys, but remember Star Wars? That's a good movie. And we are forgetting the most important part of Life Day, which is that Chewbacca walks on the stars and then holds an orb up to the sun. I may have skipped over that part. This is like the last image of the Life Day holiday is they walk out of this cave onto

the stars and he literally walks on the sky. Like he walks on space. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I just. Okay, I have a hot take here. Oh, please. This is stupid. Interesting. Go on. I don't like anything about this. Oh, please. This is stupid. Interesting. Go on.

I don't like anything about this. Okay, wait, wait, wait. Let's see where she's going with this. If you were going to rank the seven Star Wars things. Oh, this would still be second. What do you mean? Fine, attack of the clones. Yep.

And what's number three? I'm interested. I like the third one. The third of the originals, like the Ew interested. I like the third one. The third of the originals? Like the Ewok one? The third one I watched and we started with the Avenger the Sith. Yeah.

And then I like the one with the Ewoks. And then I don't remember most of the other ones. Yeah, anyone who has an opinion on this, don't tweet at us. Don't tweet at us. Don't tweet at us. This is my definitive ranking. Number one favorite Star Wars movie

is Star Wars, A New Hope. Oh, good movie. Number two is Empire Strikes Back. Sure. Number three is Return of the Jedi. So you're just going chronologically. Number four is The Phantom Menace. Number five is the Star Wars Holiday Special.

Six is... Attack of the Clones. Seven is Revenge of the Sith. So this is nestled right above the Attack of the Clones. The Bea Arthur scene is so good. I can't tell you. It's everything I want out of a movie. It's sad drunks.

It's songs. It's aliens. I think bars are the best It's sad drunks. It's songs. It's aliens. I think bars are the best setting for any dramatic horror. They are good. Harvey Korman drinks fucking liquor out of his head. It's great. I want to revise my rankings. Please do.

My first one is just the scene of Chewbacca kissing his wife. Hells yeah. And then it's Attack of the Clones. And then it's the Christmas special entirely. The rest I don't care about. I'm with that. I'm with that. I hear that.

I feel that. Oh, I like Spaceballs. Oh yeah, Spaceballs. Yeah, I get all the jokes now. Right, yeah. You have seen Spaceballs multiple times before. I love Spaceballs. Now I understand it.

Do you find it funnier or less funny now? Less funny. Okay. Now, I guess we should note, this is the last time we're ever going to talk about Star Wars. Probably. This will be the last one released.

Until there are new Star Wars movies. Yes, yes, yes, yes. You're right. Yes. Like in life? Because that would be great. Just don't talk about

Star Wars anymore. The internet's just not going to talk about Star Wars anymore. I definitely do need a sabbatical. I talked about this in our Return of the Jedi

episode, but like we're recording this the day before we see The Force Awakens and I've been having having panic attacks about it. I know. I had a bunch of weird dreams about Star Wars last night.

Really weird dreams? Yeah. I slept like 20 hours yesterday. I just kept on having Star Wars nightmares. I had a cavity too, so I was on fucking anesthesia. Okay, I know you haven't seen a Minions movie, but you know the language they speak?

Like where it's just all made up words. Yeah, that's what it sounds like when you guys talk about speak? Where it's just all made up words. That's what it sounds like when you guys talk about Star Wars to me. Just made up words. Well, considering that Minions... That's just Wookiee talk. Considering that Minions are your favorite thing in the world, I take that as a great compliment, Pilot. Thank you. Pilot just called us a couple

of Minions. Did you hear that, David? Yes. I called you short, yellow, and annoying. Yeah, she calls us a couple a couple minions. The last time I saw Pilot, when we went to see the big short together, you sat down and I said, you kind of look like a minion right now, and you got very angry with me. And you said it was because I was wearing a hat, even though minions do not wear hats. Well, it kind of just

rounded your head in the same way that minions have those rounded heads. Pilot, were you disappointed that the big short was not about minions because the title implies that it's about things that are big in personality but short in stature? That's exactly what I thought. Cool. Okay.

Guys. We're not done. I have 30 more minutes of things to talk about. Come on. So who wins the Star Wars? Who wins? When will there be Star Peace? Well, I don't know.

I mean, because at the end of Return of the Jedi, the Rebels win. Sure. But it ends very abruptly. The Rebels win. But it ends very abruptly. The Rebels win, they all stand together for a group photo. Na na na na na na na na na. Yeah, they have like a party. Like a sort of mid-sized party.

So the movie that's coming out, that takes place after the third of the old ones? Correct. It takes place, I believe, something like 20 to 30 years after? Yeah. But. It takes place, I believe, something like 20 to 30 years after? Yeah. Yeah.

But it's still in a galaxy at a time long ago. Yeah, what if the opening thing is just like, Boise, Idaho, rather than Star Wars? 1970. It's still a while ago. It's not as long ago because we've caught up. We're getting there. And there's no Hayden Christensen? I don't believe so.

Although, you know what? Who knows? Who knows? We haven't seen it yet. they've kept it pretty secret maybe he'll pop up if he's in it I will go watch it so yeah that's a good question Pilar are you gonna pay I have MoviePass hey I'm not paying for Star Wars

this show is sponsored by MoviePass I am gonna see it you're seeing Road Chip first yeah I'm seeing Road Chip at midnight when everyone's seeing Star Wars here's a serious game we. You're seeing Road Chip first. Yeah, I'm seeing Road Chip at midnight when everyone's seeing Star Wars. No, here's a serious game. We're going to talk about Road Chip because I'm really excited for Road Chip, as you know. And I want to do a full episode about the cinema of Walt Becker, who also directed Old Dogs,

which is one of the most fascinating movies ever made. Are you an Old Dogs fan? I am an Old Dogs fan. Old Dogs is incredible. That's a home run. I mean, also a misleading title, but it's still good. Yeah, because there's like no actual dogs. There is a dog. But like, there a misleading title, but it's still good. Yeah, because there's... There's like no actual dogs.

There is a dog. But like, there's not like a pack of just old dogs with like canes and anything. There's one singular old dog who is a supporting character, a minor tertiary character in the film. It should be like all main characters are just old dogs. Yeah, that movie should be called Old Men. Yeah. But not even. Old Men and One Dog.

Yeah. Yeah, middle-aged men with sort of a bone to pick with life. This is the actual thing I want to do. That's kind of a long title, David. All right. Yeah. But not even. Old Men and One Dog. Yeah. Yeah, Middle-Aged Men with sort of a bone to pick with life. This is the actual thing I want to do. That's kind of a long title, David. All right. Yeah, David, come on.

I don't work in marketing. Yeah, there's a reason why. Pilot and I do. We own Griffin Pilot Marketing, PR. It's called Marketing Public Relations. Okay, this is a thing I actually want to do.

This episode will be coming out later, but we're recording it the day before we see The Force Awakens. The next time you and I are recording is once we have seen that movie, responding to it. This is our last chance for all four of us

to make predictions about what we think happens in The Force Awakens. Darth Maul comes back. He's been cloned. The movie is not actually called The Force Awakens. It's called The Second Attack of the Clones.

It's all just been a big trick and it turns out George Lucas made the whole movie. So do you think that when you walk into the theater they pull down the posters and they were fake posters? Yeah, they were lying. And the movie they showed to critics that the critics all liked, that's not the movie.

That was a MacGuffin. Yeah, that was a fake movie. They made a fake movie to show them. I mean, it sounds fun, what you're describing. I'm really hoping there's scenes in bars. That's the big takeaway from the holiday special. It's like star bars. People pouring drinks into various holes in their body. Pilot, you're a big fan of the Bar Rescue franchise.

Yes. Oh, my God, I want a Bar Rescue episode about Star Wars. I don't know why Bar Rescue hasn't hooked that up. Why don't they do a Star Wars themed episode? I think they should just do all kind of tragic episodes

and they just go and figure out what's wrong with the Titanic and it would be great. Not Star Wars. You want Bar Rescue to go to the Titanic. Yes.

Yeah. Because I think John Taffer would really whip that ship into shape. Yeah. You'd get onto the ship and just go, the number one thing you need is girls coming onto the Titanic. Yes. Yeah. Because I think John Taffer would like really whip that ship into shape. Yeah. You'd get onto the ship and just go the number one thing

you need is girls coming onto the ship. Now how are girls going to come to the ship if it's to the bottom of the ocean? You need a butt funnel. Wait.

Does he occasionally give them butt funnels in bar rescue? No. Okay. Not the butt funnel you're thinking of. A butt funnel is when

they like have two like kind of tables of bars that are really close to each other so when you like cross with someone and you're like of. A butt funnel is when they have two tables, the bars that are really close to each other. So when you cross with someone and you're really close to them. I see. Yeah, and that's how you formulate relationships in the bars. You brush against people creepily.

John Tapper is a student of human behavior, David. That's his thing. He likes to see. He's an anthropologist. Why do you go to a bar? Because you want to connect. And John Tapper is like, how do you make a place that is conducive to connection?

Butt funnels. Butt funnels. Are you looking up butt funnels right now? Yep. Okay, so can I tell you what I think happens in A Force Awakens? Please. Please. All right.

Do you think the force is going to wake up? No. It's really sleepy. I think there's going to be this golden retriever, and he's going to learn how to play basketball. Okay. be this golden retriever and he's going to learn how to play basketball. He's going to replace this poor kid on a team and he's going to win the championship. But what about his original owner?

Oh, the owner's dead. Everyone's dead. That's a great prediction. Let me just show you the image that came up when I searched for butt funnel. John Tapper just looks like the Goombas from Super Mario Brothers. Yes, he does.

That is accurate. This holiday special could have done with more Goombas. Yep, everything could be more Goombas. All right, I got my prediction. What's your prediction, bud? You open on Aligashu, this giant Jedi, and he's fighting. This is Ben's original creation.

Ben's been creating original characters. I don't know if that was existing or not. Here's the pitch with Aligashu. He's big. He's Ben's original creation. He's fighting. Ben's been creating original characters. I don't know if that was existing or not. Here's the pitch with Aligashu. He's big. He's a big guy. Very big. He's a big Jedi. And he's got a little thing, like a quaddo from Total Recall that talks to him.

That guy's smart. Check it out, though. I added a new thing. He uses a lightsaber that's like nunchucks. What part does he hold on to? Yeah, right. The lightsaber part? It burned his hands.

One part of it is just regular but then he swings it around. So it's sort of like a spinning lightsaber. That sounds dangerous. He's big too so it's a big weapon. So your prediction is it opens on Allagashu. Ben has never been clear how big he is just that he is big.

Fucking big. That means like 10 feet or like 100 feet. It's a little unclear. Ben has never been clear how big he is, just that he is big. Fucking big. You know what that means? Like 10 feet or like 100 feet. Like it's a little unclear. Just like 6'5". Ben hates that Star Wars has a lot of little things, that it's got like Yoda and Ewoks. Oh, I love the little things. Me too.

Because like they can pile on top of each other and make up a big thing. I don't like the lesson behind it. What's the lesson, Ben? Like, you know, don't underestimate the little guy. Yeah, that's a cool lesson. No. Big wins. So your lesson that you're trying to teach is big, big wins.

Yep. And that's where you start the movie and you stay on that the rest of the time. So your prediction is that Force Awakens is just an Alu Gashu. Yep. It's my idea. Just swinging nunchucks. I think we're all predicting that the marketing for Force Awakens

is very misleading. It's deceptive. Is Bat Pecky in it? Oh, sure. Your other creation. He's from the cave planet and he is... Ben will do this at no...

You'll just do it whenever you can. He's worked really hard on these characters. No problem. I've felt really good about it. So Bat Pecky's from a cave planet.

He's part man, part bat. You could say he's a Batman. Yeah. And his parents died, so he's an orphan. Like Batman. Similar to Batman. I didn't realize that at the time, but yes, they're close enough, I suppose. But he's called Bat Peggy.

He's called Bat Peggy. These are so much better than the actual Star Wars characters. I know. You and Ben should get together. Yeah, you guys would be great friends. Darth Stupid Idiot. Uh-huh. He's a bad guy. Ben should get together. You guys would be great friends. Darth Stupid Idiot. Uh-huh. He's a bad guy. He's very wet. Why?

It's just how it worked out. You know how like there's the guy It's a creative process. The coughing bad guy of course his name is Skaysmith. General Grievous. This is his like cough but he's always wet. And he's pissed about being wet. I will say to your credit, Ben.

What's up? It's been like six weeks since you came up with these characters, maybe. Maybe even a little longer. Maybe even a little longer. Every time you pitch them, and you pitch them with almost the exact same wording every time.

Like clockwork, you know? Like a tape. It's the same wording every time. It's true. It's like we are a production studio and you are just like, you've got your five minute, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it gets funnier every time.

And more every time you sell me harder and harder on these characters. Well, I guess this will be the last time, unfortunately. All right, guys. So that's your holy tranny. We got to wrap it up. Wait, can I tell the Star Wars joke that I finally understand now? Oh, yeah, this is a good joke. And I'm going to end the show making my prediction.

Oh, yeah, sure. What's the internal temperature of a tauntaun? Lukewarm. That's a really good joke. That's a clever little joke. Yeah, a really clever little joke. My friend Stephanie told me that, and I did not hear it. I did not understand it for months and months, and now I get it, and I still don't laugh.

But I get it. But we all liked it. It was good. We all were just like, we gave a little smile. We gave a little smile and went, oh, nice joke. Nice joke. Good job, pilot. Good job, pilot.

Good job, Stephanie. What's your prediction, Griffin, for The Force Awakens, which we are seeing tomorrow together at 7 p.m. in Times Square. Thanks for inviting me. Yeah, you're welcome. You're going to see Road Trip. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, you wouldn't want to come.

I had to sell my Road Trip tickets to you in order to go see Star Wars. The mystery is revealed of who bought the Road Trip ticket. My IMAX 7 o'clock Road Trip ticket. He claims there's an IMAX screening of Road Trip. IMAX 3D RPX.

Yeah, of course. It's actually in 4D. Yeah. So like the seats move when they're moving in the car. And they throw nuts at your face. Yep, it's weird. They throw acorns and nuts at your face during the movie.

It's just an AMC employee. Acorns and nuts. All right. What's your prediction? I just want to say before that. Sure. This is our last episode of 2015. Been a pleasure.

This concludes Star Wars definitively on this show. Yeah. We're excited for 2016. Yeah. We have some really fun stuff coming up. Yeah, we're going to do some fun stuff. We'll tell you about it soon. Thanks to everyone who's written in recently. I mean, general thanks to all your support,

but thanks to everyone who's written in recently. Yeah, fuck the early people. Fuck the early adopters. Thanks to everyone who's jumping on the train. Comtech chips are in the mail. How many of those did you have to send out? Still tabulating. Okay, great.

Yeah, but a lot. Appreciate everyone who wanted one, though, and I'm, as predicted, already stressed out about getting all of them out, but they should be around Christmas, if not a little later. Yeah. You should be receiving yours.

In terms of our naming and branding, we'll still talk about it, but votes are in. I think people like blank checks. People like it are in. I think people like Blank Check. People like it a lot. I think that's maybe where we're heading. Katie Rich already said that we have to do a Blank Check episode on something. Which I'm happy to do. Would you just like the movie Blank Check?

I'd love the movie Blank Check. Well, we all do. This is a big Blank Check table. This is an adult woman making out with a kid. Yeah, and it's Kennedy. I forgot about that. MTV VJ Kennedy. Oh, God.

Blank Check is demented. We're thinking... And it has Tone Loke in it. Yeah. Yeah. And a Velcro wall. The idea is that we would rename this podcast Blank Check with Griffin and David. Do you like that idea?

I like that. I support that. A few people were strongly against it, but I... They're wrong. Well, they seem to be against the movie Blank Check, which is outrageous. Still wrong. It's problematic to have that opinion. You should cut those people out of your life. Well, no. We're trying. No, we like listeners. As long as they're not Sith Check, which is outrageous. Still wrong. It's problematic to have that opinion. You should cut those people out of your life.

Well, no. We're trying. No, we like listeners. As long as they're not Sith Lords, we like them. So yeah, I think this is a loose announcement that we're going to be Blank Check in 2016 with some new things coming at you.

We'll be announcing those soon. One I can say, I'll say one right now because I want to plug it right now. I think we're going to do a one-off episode about Ang Lee's Hulk called Hulking the Hulk. Oh, that's right. Well, I want to do some superhero podcasts in January.

But Hulking the Hulk, I want to do Thor the Dark World. Iron Man 3. We want to do Iron Man 3. And the fourth one, you want to do some bullshit. And you want to do some bullshit. I want to do The Wolverine, which is a fucking Fellini movie as superhero movie, and it's a masterpiece. And I want

to do Batman Returns, which is fucking German expressionism done in fucking the American studio system in 1992. Yeah, but people like that movie. Nobody likes The Wolverine. Everyone hated it when it came out. Pilot? I haven't seen either. Oh, great. You would like Batman Returns

because it has Danny DeVito as a penguin. Oh, wait, I have seen that. Yeah, it's a great movie. Okay, I like that movie. Hulking the Hulk's the only one we're announcing formally because it's the only one I've come up with a title for. That will be happening. We have some big miniseries coming up.

Thank you all for listening. I think the whole one should be called Podcast the Dark World. Yeah, that's good. That's really good. So we can announce two right now. Or Thor the Dark Podcast now or Thor the dark podcast or Thor the podcast world

and then the Iron Man one should be called Podcast Man 3 or Iron Podcast 3 I can't believe someone gave us a contract to do another year we just we literally just signed a contract I'm amazed myself paperwork I always thought Ben was just

humoring us by recording these and putting them on the internet. It's a contract now. It's a contract. Blank check with Griffin and David. Come in 2016. ComTech chips coming in the mail. Here's my prediction for J.J. Abrams, Star Wars, Episode VII, The Force Awakens.

What is it? It's going to be fun. Great. Violet, thank you for joining us. Thanks for having me it was great to have you Griffin I'll see you in 2016

I'll see you in 2016 in fact I'm gonna see you tomorrow we'll see you tomorrow yeah you'll see each other right now we're seeing each other right now okay well I'm about to go home

but Violet what a treat it is to have you here in studio thanks it is I didn't hate it you're you know part of the reason me and Griffin are such good friends

yeah and yeah you invented Quiz Kid Donnie Smith which was our quiz team for a while. Which is generally an excellent person. I like to make people be friends and then just completely dip out of that friendship. Yeah. You've done a great job. It's probably the first time the three of us have been in a room in months. Since the three of us all met each other.

Probably. Anyway, as always, as always, no more Star Wars. As always, no more Star Wars. No more Star Wars.

May the force be with you. May the farts be with you. Hi there. My name is Alameen Abdelmahmoud. I am the host of the CBC podcast, Commotion. That's a show where we talk about all things pop culture. We talk about what people are watching, what people are listening to. We get into everything from celebrity beefs to TikTok trends. And look, we're not afraid to get a little controversial.

We're talking about things like the Oscar snubs or is Drake really a hip hop artist? Commotion with Alameen Abdelmahmoud, available on CBC Listen or wherever you get your podcasts.