Blank Check with Griffin & David - The Podcast Reawakens with Emily Yoshida

Episode Date: January 11, 2016

Emily Yoshida (The Verge, A/V Club) joins Griffin and David to revisit Episode VII: The Force Awakens. Together, they discuss Emily’s childhood Star Wars fan fiction, an origin story based around a shared love of Beetlejuice, address the Mary Sue controversy and officially announce the podcast renaming! Also, Griffin’s merchandise corner looks at a newly issued Monopoly and presenting Producer Ben’s Sno-corner.

🎵 Oh god, the force just reawakened. That was even worse than I thought it was going to be. From a nap. I did a yawn. You could see it was a nap. Do you think they'll pick up the yawn? That'll be clear.

That'll be clear. Oh, what a good force. Shut up. All right. I had a good night's force. All right. I'm David Sims. I'm Griffin Neumann.

Welcome to Blank Check. We're calling ourselves Blank Check now? I think this is the moment, right? You did tell me that this was the day we had to decide. 2016. It's true. Today is the day to decide. Our podcast is called Griffin and David Presents, but that's a stupid name.

I'm explaining to our guests who haven't introduced yet. So we're going to call it Blank Check from now on. Blank Check with Griffin and David, colon, and then what the fuck is this? All right, all right, all right. Blank Check with Griffin and David, colon, presents, colon. This is The Force Reawakens. Yeah, okay, yeah. I know we had said we were done with the Wars.

We've talked over and over about how we're never going to talk about Star Wars again. We've got to do it one more time. This is the bridging episode. This is a new podcast. This isn't a new podcast. We've already done that. This is a new podcast. This isn't a new podcast. We've already done that. It's a new year. This is not a quote unquote

a new podcast. This is a podcast that is new. Blank check. With Griffin David. Whole new ball game. Still talking about the same thing that we talked about for the last nine months.

But this is the last time. Someone, a good friend of mine sent me a link to like another Star Wars podcast and was like, I've been really enjoying this. You might like this. And I was just like, I never want to listen to a Star Wars podcast ever again.

We have a guest. We should introduce her. We should introduce our guest. Because this is a guest we've been trying to get on for a very long time. Yeah, in that I texted her once and then she never replied to me. Wait, I would love to hear this other side of the story where you guys have been tracking me down and wrangling my schedule. I totally texted her one time. We've been trying to wrangle her for years.

Okay, so here's my side of the story. It makes me sound great. Yeah, it makes you sound great. Very busy. Very, very busy. Yeah. Here's my side of the story. Oh, okay.

On several occasions, we didn't have a guest. Yeah, Griffin always does the guests because I'm, you know, lazy. Friendless? Yeah. Oh, boy. Let's not mince words. This is maybe the first guest that you yourself have booked, correct? Yeah.

I, like, from start to finish, booked this guest. Right? You have booked friends of mine on this show. But I was the one who communicated with them. But you were the one who booked it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. Like, I got Sonya and Pilot.

And Pilot, and yeah, all my two friends. Your two friends. Sonya and Pilot. And here, all my two friends. Your two friends. Sonia and Pilot. And here's my third friend. Emily Yoshida. Emily Yoshida. Hello. Of The Verge.

Editor, entertainment editor of The Verge. I'm the entertainment editor at The Verge. Podcast superstar. Her podcast is the only podcast that ever moved me to tears. Really? Really? Yeah, your farewell episode, Girls in Hoodies. Well, it moved me to tears too.

I had to pull over for a second. I was driving down Fort Hamilton Parkway in Brooklyn, New York. And I got a little overwhelmed. And I was like, oh, this is really sad. And then I pulled over. And it just took a second. And then I started driving again. Very early on, when we started.

I never told you that. I think so. I mean, it was an emotional time. A lot of tears sort of bleeding together. Yes. Very early on in the history of our podcast, Emily, David told me that you had listened. And was like, oh, that's cool.

She listened to our podcast. Or was aware of our podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I listened. I've listened to this podcast. Yeah, listen. Months and months ago. Sure.

Well, I had exchanged texts with Emily a while back about the fact that she had written Phantom Menace. Well, that you were a big Phantom Menace fan before it came out. Before it came out. Yeah, okay. You were very anticipated. You're very excited for it. I mean, that's a very marked phenomenon. There are

people who know a lot about Phantom Menace. There was such a build up. I mean, the same way that we know a lot about Force Awakens. I remember my dad coming home with like the Vanity Fair, you know, with the Annie Leibovitz spread and all that stuff. Did you get all the premiere covers? Yes. Anyway, so we talked about how you had been really into Phantom Menace

and you bragged openly about how you had written fan fiction in advance of the Phantom Menace's release about The Phantom Menace, right? I'm pretty sure. I mean, I went back on the Wayback Machine to find out where that stuff was. Oh, it's online? It's on the internet. Oh, snap. You found it?

I found it. Was it under a nom de plume? It's under a nom de plume, okay? Can you tell us your nom de plume, or is that anonymous? I wish I could because it's so good. J.K. Rowling. But I really don't want anybody to find it. Can you tell us?

Could you remove it or is it just too buried in the deep web? I think it's pretty buried. And in a way, I'm kind of proud of it. And I'm proud of the community that it was a part of. Sure. Because it was a very prototypical online female Star Wars fan community, which might narrow it down for people who are around then. Yeah, in 1999.

Yeah, yeah. So it can't have been a ton of those. No, there were not a whole lot. So I was glad to have been on that scene, on that message board. And this is like one of your initial paw prints online. Yeah, yeah. We've all got those. Yeah.

The sort of early scratchings we made on the internet. Definitely the first like message board where I had people that I knew online that were like friends. Right. Yeah. Now, I don't know if you know this, Emily, but I am quite the connoisseur of fan fiction. Yeah. We've done it. We did a whole fan fiction episode once.

We've done it. Where Griffin read a lot of gross fan fiction. Now, what nature was your fan fiction of? Which characters were they about? What kind of activities were they engaged in? Well, a lot of my fanfic featured Obi-Wan Kenobi, a.k.a. Ewan McGregor. No, no, no.

That's Liam Neeson. No, what are you talking about? What are you talking about? My brain is exploding. Qui-Gon Jinn. What podcast am I on right now? I heard Qui-Gon Jinn because I want to hear Qui-Gon Jinn. What is the matter with you?

I'm sorry. Obi-Wan Kenobi starring Ewan McGregor. As young, like, sort of, I mean, how old is he? Like 20-year-old. He's 27 years old when that is filmed. Right. Wow. He's very aware of the age difference at the time.

Oh, between you and him. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Had you seen Ewan in other things? Because he'd been quite an adult, quite a grown-up movie actor. He was a very, yeah, he quite a grown-up movie actor. Yeah, he was a grown-up movie actor. I think as soon as I saw the first picture of him and I was like, oh, I have a crush on this man,

I went and watched most of his filmography before. Wow. I'm kind of menacing now. For Pillow Book? I did not watch Pillow Book. I have not seen Pillow Book. I was a little bit scared of Pillow Book. not seen Pillow Book. I was a little bit scared of Pillow Book. But now that would make me think of just how

recently there was that cover story. This is a huge digression. This cover story on Five Seconds of Summer on Rolling Stone and they talked about in explicit detail about their they're not a boy band. They are a

trio or no. Quartet? Quartet of gentlemen. A band of boys one could say. Yeah. Not a boy band. And they are a trio or, I don't know. Quartet? Quartet of gentlemen. A band of boys, one could say. Yeah, they play instruments and write catchy tunes. But anyway, they were very explicit about their sexual activities. Oh, shit.

They do some pillow book shit? They're writing calligraphy on each other and stuff? Isn't that what happens in the college? Yeah. on each other and stuff. Isn't that what happens in the comics? Yeah. But, but I,

you know, there were so many fans who were just like shocked to have this sudden sexualization of their idols. Like, you know, because that's why,

you know, idols like this are safe is that they're not sexualized. Yeah, and you can project much milder things onto them. But, you know,

I saw, I saw Trainspotting, like, I mean, I was going to say, because I remember, I saw some silhouetted shit, like,

can I say shit on this podcast? Oh yeah, you can say whatever you want. All, because I remember... I saw some silhouetted shit. Can I say shit on this podcast? You can say whatever you want. I remember I was really into trains when I was a kid. Really into trains. I thought you were going to say Irving Welsh. I was really into Irving Welsh, yeah. I loved Scottish dialect novels. I grew up in New York and then we moved to London,

but in New York, taking David on the train, that was what I wanted to do. I wanted to ride the J train. And it was like 1991, so my parents were like, how did we have this kid who makes us ride these extremely scary trains? The J train of all trains. Well, any train I hadn't been on, I wanted to go on it. Did you ever get in a Z? Yeah, I've been on a Z.

The mythic Z train? Yeah, I've been on a Z. There'sic Z train? Yeah, I've been on the Z. There's four each way. Anyway, it doesn't matter. So I really liked train spotting. It's not that much about trains here. No, I'm sorry. I really like trains, and I remember I saw the poster for train spotting and said to my mom, like, what's

that movie? Is it about trains? And I'm like, that was 10 or 11. She was like, no, it's about drugs. And I was like like what are drugs like suddenly a lot of conversations had to be had all at once just because of your love of trains yes i was like well why can't i see this movie and she's like it's there's actually like i don't think there's any trains in it but but anyway train spotting i saw uh life less ordinary shallow grave like all those danny bo Boyle films he's so good

in Shallow Grave yeah oh god oh my god I have to I don't really have an active crush on him anymore

but it's still that like first really really big movie star crush that I ever had that's fair we're not a writer for the both of us

that was our real bonding point someone pointed out on Twitter that that was her first crush that we had both tweeted about her

and was like hey are you guys friends? And then we met up at a bar. Also, are you both males between the age of like 30 through 40 or something? We both said Beetlejuice specifically, but even then, that's not so crazy. Yeah, we said grown-up Lydia Dietz was like our dream woman.

Well, I don't think I said grown-up Lydia Dietz. I was a kid. Her and Sinead O'Connor. Sinead O'Connor was my other first celebrity crush. I was really obsessed with the Nothing Compares to You video because it is intense. Oh, yeah, yeah. I was all about Famke Jensen in X-Men.

Sure. She's cool. She's cute. Yeah. No, she's cool. I remember thinking she was really interesting at the time. You know what? Actually, the movie actually does a pretty good job not making her lame and not squeezing her into any dorky outfit.

She wears pretty boring clothes and then she wears that sort of leather thing that they all wear. Zipped up. They don't do the dumb. She's just kind of one of the gang. Yeah. I mean, all her powers are up here, so she doesn't really need a whole lot of mobility or anything. Her problem is her power has never been very exciting to represent visually. But whatever.

She closes a door at one point, I think. She does some stuff. Loved it. Love her. Funky Jansen. Funky Jansen. Do you need to know anything more about this fanfic other than it was Obi-Wan-centric? And it always featured a new character.

See, I think this is a perfect segue. Okay. Here we go. Well, no. Now, there were two. Okay. One was a fellow Padawan working alongside Obi-Wan as he's training Anakin. Do you remember the character's name?

Oh, wow. So you were setting it post-Phantom Menace. Yeah, yeah. So even though Phantom Menace hadn't come out yet. Wow. So you just knew where Phantom Menace was going to end up. I kind of got a nice... Yeah, I mean, like, I think you...

Yeah. Because I don't even remember. I've gone back. I've gone back and read it recently, but I never make it all the way to the end because I just cannot physically. It's so excruciating. Just the defense mechanism kind of locks your joints up. Yeah, yeah. but I never make it all the way to the end because I just cannot physically. It's so excruciating.

Just the defense mechanism kind of locks your joints up. But, you know, and that's very, so that one was very much in the, what they call a Mary Sue mold. Although she wasn't, like, exceptionally talented. She was just, like, a person hanging out. But was she a Jedi? Yeah. Right.

She was a fellow. Yeah. But she was, like, not super special. But there was a fellow. But she was like not super special. But there was a Sith, a female Sith though that was super special in it. And they fought each other. What was her name? Are you going to tell us the names or do you want to keep those secret? Oh man.

I don't know. So if you Google something that's in the Wayback Machine. Do my homework here real quick. Does it turn up or do you have to be on the I think you have to go in the Wayback Machine. Just do my homework here real quick. Does it turn up or do you have to be on the... I think you have to go on the Wayback Machine. I think it would be

really hard to find it. In order to do that, you have to be friends with Mr. Peabody and Sherman. Hey now, Mr. Peabody and Sherman. Use the Wayback Machine. I've never seen that show.

Oh, really? I was actually watching some of it on YouTube not that long ago because I just like came up somewhere and then I started watching and I was like watching some of it on YouTube not that long ago. Because I just, like, it came up somewhere and then I started watching it. I was like, oh, we still have the show. And I was like, yeah, that's very, very cute. Did you see the movie?

No, no. But I think because I was reading that people said it didn't suck. I heard it was okay. I think it was around the time that Peanuts movie came out. And they were like, oh, this doesn't suck. It's sort of like. Much like Mr. Peabody. Yeah, yeah.

But, like, the Peanuts movie's only accomplishment was not sucking. Like, it wasn't exactly, like, good. Yeah, like, aggressively doesn't suck. Right. You're like, all right, guys. But like the Peanuts movie's only accomplishment was not sucking. Like it wasn't exactly like good. Yeah, like aggressively doesn't suck. Right. You're like, all right, guys. A few positive qualities. You know, at no point does anyone break out into like an impromptu like whip and nay nay or whatever. You know, like there's nothing like that's just so excruciatingly off.

The trailer really makes it seem like that's where it goes. It does. You know. It seems like it's going to be about like there's a big concert and they all need to anyway. Well, the thing I hate in the Peanuts movie, I tweeted about this, but at the end credits, the song, there's an original song by Meghan Trainor that goes like, oh my God, I love being alive. And that's like the opposite of what Peanuts is about. Peanuts is this boy waking up every morning being like, I don't know if I can do this anymore. Did you read that interview though with her?

With Meghan Trainor? Did you read the Meghan Trainor interview about Peanuts? This is very off topic, but she gave this interview. It was obviously, which is Slate, I think. It was obviously just, you know, PR person was like, please talk to Meghan Trainor interview about peanuts? This is very off topic, but she gave this interview. It was obviously, which is late, I think. It was obviously just, you know, PR person was like, please talk to Meghan Trainor. And she was like, I love peanuts. My mom had it on TV all the time when I was a kid.

And everyone was like, what the fuck are you doing? What on all the time? Like the four specials? Like, what do you mean? There was a lot. There was a lot. There was a lot. It seemed like she wasn't maybe totally sure what Peanuts was.

Yeah. That was pretty good. I love Peanuts. I watch the Thanksgiving Day Parade every year. Her entire idea is just, oh, that balloon. He's my favorite balloon of all time. Remember those insurance commercials? Yeah, right.

I love Peanuts the dog from Peanuts. I'm such a MetLife fan. Now, you might be asking yourself. What the hell is going on? That whiskey-burned baritone I just heard. Oh, here we go. Jumping in with the insurance commercial. He's sitting with us.

Yeah, it's weird. It's off. I don't like it at all. They've restructured the UCB studios, the actual studio that we record in. That's right. So Ben is going to at some point be in a separate room like it's a recording studio looking at us through a window. But for now, there is no window. Nope.

So Ben set the levels and then is just sitting down with us like a person. Yeah. On a mic. Can't distract himself with equipment. I don't know what to do with myself. You can't be like looking up random like YouTube videos and like pop-up ads. Or whatever I'm doing. Whatever the hell you're doing.

Loudly sighing. Well, I still do that. Getting mad at us when we won't stop talking about Star Wars. Our job. Our ostensible job, Benjamin. That, of course, is producer Benjamin, a.k.a. producer Ben, a.k.a. the Ben-dooser, a.k.a. producer Ben, a.k.a. the Haas, a.k.a. Mr. Positive, a.k.a. Hello Fennel, a.k.a. Birthday Benny, a.k.a. the Tiebreaker.

We have a lot of names for him. A.k.a. the Peeper, a.k.a. Ben Kenobi. Producer Ben Kenobi. I don't think we forgot another one. The Peeper. You got the Peeper? I got the Peeper. Of courseK.A. The Peeper. A.K.A. Ben Kenobi. Producer Ben Kenobi. I don't think we forgot another one. The Peeper. You got The Peeper? I got The Peeper.

Of course. I never forget The Peeper. Okay. All right. Is there a new Ben seen as there's a new Ben in Star Wars now? There's a new Ben in Star Wars. It's true, Ben. What did you make of that?

Your name is shouted very loudly and dramatically in this film. Yeah. Well, and he was obviously named after Ben Kenobi. Right, which is a little weird. It is. It's not like Han Solo and Obi-Wan are like best pals. Although Leia and Obi-Wan,

he was her only hope. That's true. But even that seems to be more of a correspondence relationship. I have to tell you, honestly, when I heard the name, when I heard the name, I was excited.

You were talking. Bad guy, my name, hell yeah. I was actually also excited just because it wasn't dorky. Yeah. I was like, okay, Ben, that's excited. You were pumped. Yes. Mad guy. I was actually also excited just because it wasn't Dorky. Yeah. I was like, okay, Ben. That's fine. That's a fine name.

We should add Kylo Ben to the list, though. Kylo Ben. Cool. Good job. So Ben, at the time that we recorded our original Force Awakens episode, had not seen the Force Awakens. Sure. Yeah. This is about three weeks have passed since the movie

came out. It's been so long since I saw you. I know. It's been so long. It actually sucked to not see you. I know.

I was actually like... I'm not trying to blow up your spot, but I got four different text messages from David that just said I miss you over the last three weeks. That is true.

That is true. That's very sweet. We're really good friends. I was pretty bored. I was pretty bored. Yeah, I was dog sitting most of that time. Writing original songs for my parents' dog.

We could have gone to see Joy and clowned on it. I clowned on it on my own. Have you seen Joy, Emily? No. It's a real piece of shit. I think there's one good act. I'd say there's one good act out of the three. It's crazy.

It's so bad. And then the QVC stuff happens. And you're like, ooh, good movie. This is a great movie. That's the stuff that looks great in the trailer. That's what I'm excited about. And then they just as quickly take another left turn into another stupid act. Into a worse thing, maybe.

Now, how, how, okay, so the movie's saying the thing that I was not expecting, and I have not seen it. Have you seen Joy yet, Ben? No, I have a question, though. You might want to step out of the studio and then come back. No, I don't plan on seeing it. I just want to know if they refer to microwaves as future ovens. They don't. They don't.

Science oven, I believe, is how she calls it. That was so distracting. That's a Mad Men thing, science oven, isn't it? No, no, it's what Jennifer Lawrence says in American Hostel. Oh, that's right. Stay away from the science oven or whatever. American Hostel. Hostel.

Oh, that's the other one. From the anecdote I was telling you before about being a jerk at the movie theater. Oh, yeah. That you complained about the projection. Yeah, it was American Hustle. We can get back to that later. But I have a question about Joy. Sure.

Which is that I was expecting the main problem with this movie to be that how could you possibly believe that cherubic-faced Jennifer Lawrence is a struggling mother of two? Does she have two kids in it? She has two kids. Divorce. And then everybody's like, oh, she's the best part of it. No, she's not.

That is an outrageous lie. She's terribly miscast. She's very miscast. I would say she acquits herself pretty well considering how horribly miscast she is. Well, that was the problem with Silver Linings Playbook, but I still feel like she overcame that in a way.

She's good in that movie. I would agree. But this just seemed like a bridge too far. Griffin, how could you possibly think she's good in this movie? It is such a disaster. I think the movie's not good.

I think she does a really good job. I file all three Jennifer Lawrence, David O. Russell performances under one category, which is like the best school play performances I've ever seen.

Because in no way is she believable. No, but this is why it isn't backhanded. Because in no way is she believable. No, but this is why it isn't backhanded. Because in all three, she's playing someone who should be played by someone a decade older than her.

Yes. Yeah. She is very young. She has this energy to her. You never buy her as being older than her years. But she's very present. Right.

And if you saw like a 15-year-old giving that performance in a school play, you're like, well, obviously she's not a dad, but you know, they got to cast a dad to put a mustache on her.

This isn't Eliza Doolittle. And you accept that she's a dad. But isn't that just like depressing enough to kind of take you out of it a little bit? Yes, but I think they're good pieces of acting. It's just annoying that the movies make her do that. She makes no sense as a Long Island gal. And this is a character who's supposed to be a real Long Island gal. The whole movie makes no fucking sense at all.

The middle act's really great. Well, it's the weirdest thing because I'm not a Bradley Cooper fan, per se, but he really does. He's like a spark plug. I've heard that he brings energy back into it. Don't they hate each other? Doesn't that not make any sense? Maybe that's part of it. J-Law and B. Coops, they don't like each other? I heard that. I keep up on my gossip. But they've made like

four movies. Good lord. Although she did recently say that she just filmed her first sex scene. She was giving this interview about like, oh, it was super awkward. I was doing my first sex scene with Chris was giving this interview about like, oh, it was super awkward. I was doing my first sex scene with Chris Pratt in upcoming movie Passengers and everyone was like,

you have like a bunch of sex scenes with Bradley Cooper and Serena. Did you just forget that movie existed or are you just trying to like ignore that movie? Maybe she's never seen Serena. Possible.

I mean, I assume she filmed these scenes. Maybe she didn't. Maybe there was a double involved. I don't know. But David, as an actor, I mean,

you don't even have those memories because you just go into a trance. Oh, yeah, yeah, right. Griffin is the only working actor here. Griffin knows. Watch out. This is the year of vinyl. This is the year of vinyl.

Griffin's in vinyl. February 14th. Valentine's Day. Yeah. What do you do in vinyl? I get yelled at. By Ray Romano or by Bobby Cannavale? By Cannavale, mostly.

I pretty much get yelled at once an episode. Once an episode I say something stupid and then he yells at me. He goes, shut the fuck up. Is he really nice in person? He's the nicest guy. I heard he's the nicest man in the whole world. I have a really big crush on him. I kind of do too.

Not in a functional way, but. He's in maybe the number one celebrity relationship that I'm into right now. Oh, yes. A hundred percent. Maybe number one. I can't think of a challenger. A hundred percent. Right? Is there a challenger? They're also just such luscious. Like maybe number one. I can't think of a challenger. A hundred percent. Right?

Is there a challenger? They're also just such luscious. It's really adorable. It's like usually you'd see a couple like that. You'd be like, oh, they're doomed. Like whatever. They're enabling each other. But like, I don't know.

They look really happy. They look great. They're having a good time. They seem like they're having a great time. Are they married? No. They're just dating. I thought that they were married.

I'm pretty sure not. Somebody look this up. What were we talking about? This is a podcast about Star Wars. It's almost been probably about 20 minutes. I'm having a great time though. He was married to Jenny Lumet for nine years? Yeah, he had a kid with her.

He's an actor now. They are not married, Emily. They are just partners. That's why it's working. Might be. Emily Yashuna, anti-marriage. Their son, They are not married, Emily. They are just partners. Oh, that's why it's working, you know? Might be. Might be. Emily Yashuda, anti-marriage. Their son, Jake Cannavale, was on Broadway in the Larry David play. On Fish in the Dark.

Yeah. Yeah, he's an actor now. There you go. And he was a PA on the pilot for Vinyl. I mean, you know. And now he's already leapfrogged. You never know. Yeah, now he's doing much better.

He was the PA on the pilot of Vinyl, and now he's already passed you. He told Tommy which van to get into on the pilot, and now he's already leapfrogged. You never know. Yeah, now he's doing much better. He was the PA on the pilot of Vinyl, and now he's already passed you. He helped tell me which van to get into on the pilot, and now he's on Broadway. All right, Star Wars. Star Wars. Do we have anything? Oh, Joy.

I mean, I actually would love to talk a lot about Joy. I know we can't. It's a really weird movie. It's fascinating. Here's the thing that's interesting about the fact that the movie comes alive when Bradley Cooper enters it. Bradley Cooper is almost giving a perversely low-energy performance. His entire take on the character is be as calm and low-key as possible.

And a lot of pauses. And draw inattention by the fact that you're not grandstanding at all. But he's like a caged animal. You just can't keep me cooped. It's really true. Them eyes, bro. Them eyes. It's the only time she has chemistry with a character.

Correct. Including Robert De Niro. Correct. And like there's this. Are all those lines that are in the commercials where they're like something's got to change. Like are those actually in the movie because they sound like things that they were recorded for an ad. I'm Joy by the way is not in the movie which was like the only line in the first droid trailer. Right.

After she pumps the shotgun. After she shoots the shotgun. She does do that in the movie, which was like the only line in the first Droid trailer pretty much. Right, right. After she pumps the shotgun. After she shoots the shotgun. She does do that in the movie. Something that has nothing to do with the rest of the movie. Completely bizarre part of the movie. I mean, to me, Droid is like,

here's the movie where it's like, guys, can we all admit to each other that you all need to move on? Like, J-Law, stop making movies with David O. Russell and with these guys,

go make a movie that's not where you're playing a 40-year-old. David O. Russell, like, what the fuck is the matter with you? Too many famous people are in your movies. Yep.

You gotta, come on. Floating with Disaster, one of the greatest comedies of the 90s. Go back to the Magic Baby. Do you know who doesn't need to be in joy? Isabella Rossellini. You know what? I actually loved her, though.

She was fun. It's like buried lead in that movie. Stuff like that. Virginia Madsen. She's in it a lot. She has a significant role. Wow. And she has this one scene where she's like Virginia Madsen. She's in it like a lot. She has like a significant role. Wow. And she has this one scene

where she's like, I will ask you the four questions of a business. And you're like, what is that? What are you talking about? Can we talk about a movie that I've seen?

Star Wars The Force Awakens. Sorry, sorry. Absolutely. So sorry. Thanks guys. A blank check, colon, with David,

Griffin David, colon, presents, colon, The Force Reawakens. This is a podcast about passion projects, right? Yeah, our podcast is about Griffin David colon presents colon The Force Reawakens this is a podcast about passion projects

right yeah our podcast is about passion projects that's what the podcast is the podcast is itself a passion project

yeah so that's where we get the name blank check from you know it's like blank check movies someone's given a blank check to do whatever they want or like the cocktail napkin

pitch thing you know yeah yeah just passion exactly and trust right massive amounts of trust the cocktail napkin pitch thing, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just passion. Exactly. And trust. Right.

Massive amounts of trust. Perhaps too much. Yeah. Trust is going to hold his hand while we say this so we can show how much we trust each other. Huge trust.

So we thought we were doing trust falls. Doing trust falls. We thought we'd close the book on Star Wars. But A, I've seen it an additional time since then.

You've seen it two more times. I've seen it two more times. Ben had not seen it at the time of our recording. Ben, you saw it. I did see it. You saw it just the one time. Yeah. Emily's seen it twice. time since then you've seen it two more times I've seen it two more times Ben had not seen it at the time of our recording Ben you saw it you saw it just the one time yeah Emily's seen it twice

Emily's a fresh new voice we've never had a podcast before it's a total of eight times and I think you know there's certain regular segments that we've done when addressing other

Star Wars movies like performance review and going over the billing order we didn't get to last time we want to see how our thoughts have settled now that time has passed

and also more than anything I feel like there's a lot to talk about culturally what has happened in this movie. Yeah, the reaction to this movie. Because as of today...

Oh, right, that was the segue I was going to do. I forgot about that. But we're recording today on a Tuesday, this episode, or Wednesday. This episode will come out

next Monday, but on today, Wednesday, January 6th, The Force Awakens officially became the highest grossing film in U.S. domestic box office history.

It beat Avatar. Yeah, today is the day. It beat Avatar. Yeah. Today is the day. It beat Avatar in three weeks or whatever, which is 20 days. 20 days. Yeah, which is insane. It took Avatar, I think I read, 318 days to hit 760. Sure.

And Force Awakens to hit it in 20. It's probably going to be the first movie to make a billion dollars in one country. You think it's going to make a billion dollars? I think it is. Wow. I mean, last weekend it did 90. No, I know. It's at 760 now.

But, you know, like, Kevin Hart, Ride Along 2 is around the corner. I know. I think, but at the very least, it's a question about whether it ends up at 900 or a billion. Okay. Anyway, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. I want to talk about all this. But first, I think, did you have the segue you wanted to do?

Oh, well, you wrote a Mary Sue into your freaking fan fiction. Oh, yeah. I mean, I feel like that's several controversies ago now, though. It's true. It was kind of a bummer that it was the initial react. The first week of Star Wars was like 80% people just saying, like, it was good. Or like, it's a lot like the first movie. Or people being like, well, Rey's skills are never explained adequately.

Or, you know, whatever whatever this sort of mini controversy that erupted. I just think it's a bummer that our culture spent like a week seriously debating a point brought up by Max Landis. Who you once got into an argument with at a party. And then was forced to kiss at the same party. Have I told you this part of the story? You didn't tell me that part of the story.

I got into an argument with him. We have like mutual friends I met him once. I got into an argument with him. We have mutual friends. I met him once. I got into an argument with him about whether or not Iron Man 3 all took place on one day, which it does not. Empirically does not. Iron Man 3? Yeah. Iron Man 3 takes place over several days.

The sun rises and sets. His argument was the film is sloppy because it all takes place on Christmas, yet the sun rises and sets several times and it's still supposed to be on Christmas. And I said, that's because it isn't all supposed to take place on Christmas it takes place in the Christmas season yeah it's a Christmas movie

and he goes watch it again and I was like no we were like fighting about this and everyone was like oh my god look it's like our two friends who are like movie nerds and get into like

serious conversations at parties because I guess we're both the people who go to parties where everyone else is trying to be chill and like get passionate

about dumb whether or not Iron Man is celebrating Christmas once or five times. That's what we're arguing over. And they were like, you guys should kiss and make up. And he was like,

yeah, I'll do it. I don't care. And I was like, well, I'm not going to now not kiss him and look like I lose. So I kissed Max Landis. I'm sorry. That's a bummer.

At a party after he made fun of my favorite Iron Man movie. It's the best Iron Man movie. It's the only one I fully like. Wait, you guys are insane. It's the best Iron Man movie. It's the only one I fully like. Wait, you guys are insane. It's the best Iron Man movie. We'll have you back on as a guest when we do Podcast Man 3. Oh my God.

Because that's happening. Iron Podcast 3? Blank Check with Griffin and David present Iron Man Pod. Are you guys actually going to talk about Blank Check? We love the movie Blank Check. I think we have to get there at some point. And we would love to revisit that.

I'm glad you live with Tone Loke. He's the guy we love. Tone Loke is the one person I remember in that movie. MTV V and we would love to revisit that. I'm glad you live with Tone Logue because the guy we love. Tone Logue is the one person I remember in that movie. MTV VJ Kennedy. Yeah I know I know but I just remember

Tone Logue. Anyway. So. Max Landis. Let's talk about the Mary Sue thing. We don't have to go for a long time.

What does Emily want to say? There are many controversies here that we should talk about. No I'm not going to talk about Max Landis anymore. I feel like Max Landis is sort of like our era's Andy Dick. Like, everybody

has a story. Not in the same crazy, on-drugs way. He's just sort of around. Yeah. And everybody has had an encounter that they will not soon forget. He makes himself visible, definitely. Good for him. I think we need to see more

children of directors. Like, see them, you know? Visibility is important. I think we need to see more children of directors. See them. Visibility is important. That's the kind of representation you want in the media right now. It's visibility for second generation filmmakers. Anyway, I'm not going to throw anybody under the bus here. Great guy. I'll say he was a decent kisser.

All right, let's move on. The Mary Sue thing was a bit of a bum shut up alright let's move on but anyway the Mary thing was a bit of a bummer yeah it's a bummer it's also I would say that well I don't know I mean I

I edited one of the more visible great piece by Tasha anti that and I felt a great amount

of conflict before we ran it of like well should we actually like this is this is bubbling this is a this is bubbling up right now this is not a thing like oh right that you're like almost shedding too much light on right right right like why are we giving this credit but then it's less like no this is going

to be pretty easy to just like kill in one well soup it's like the points are out there ready to be made like that it that are clearly like i it's not... It's not even that she's not a Mary Sue by whatever those definitions are. It's just that... Yeah, who cares? It's a good character. It's a great character. It seemed to be...

The complaints seemed to be like... Emily's not as into the character. What? Are you into the character? No, I'm into the character. Yeah, no. I was saying, yeah. I was saying like, yeah.

This is good. Good character. Yeah. I guess Mary Sue, the definition, the rough definition, just for anyone who doesn't know, is sort of this idea of like a sort of fan fiction character of like how you would want to exist in that universe.

Wesley Crusher. And she's too like perfect. Like she's like, you know, all around like no weaknesses. Or like the movie ends with them doing something that's like crucial. Like where it's like, oh, the only way we can like stop this bomb is if someone can play Pac-Man really well and, like, then do whatever.

Which is, like, so much sci-fi. Like, anything that's not hard sci-fi is that. The special boy with powers that need to be awakened. Yeah. And that's, yeah. Well, that's a great point of the Tasha Robinson piece, is she was just like, yeah, that's also every male character in, like, every sci-fi and action movie ever.

That's what we like in these movies. Yeah. Then, you know, the internet gets bogged down. Luke Skywalker is a much more flawed character. Everyone's flawed. Everyone's perfect. Who cares? Fuck you. It's Star Wars. I had fun. Here's one I want to talk about.

This is one that I feel like is now bubbling up. At the time we were recording this, this has been the hashtag Where's Rey controversy. About Rey's representation in merchandise. Well, you saw the explanation, right? Is that they wanted to keep it secret that she is as big of a character as she is?

Which is interesting. I would love to unpack that. I've had barely any time to think about that, really. There is some truth to the fact that it was kind of kept from us in the marketing that she was going to be the Jedi, the lead. Very deliberate and it was consistent throughout the entire marketing campaign. She's in the marketing obviously and she's the biggest thing on the poster

and so on and so forth. But they really played up the image of Finn holding the lightsaber to throw everyone off their scent. And even that Lego piece, not the Lego piece, the Monopoly piece that everyone's upset about. He's got a lightsaber? Yes. So there's this complaint that there's not enough Rey merchandise out there, and there's a lot more Finn and the other male characters. The two big things that everyone has pointed out,

merchandise is a bit of a specialty for me, Emily, so this is going to function as a merchandise spotlight for this episode. Go right ahead. Because I have a lot of thoughts on this controversy. I see a lot of people talking about it. Go right ahead. Fucking tracking the merch the way that I am, on the floor, fucking hustling every day watching that merch.

Well, there's the Monopoly, and then there was this image people kept sharing of like five characters in a box. But I was like, surely there's other boxes. I don't know. Ready to address both of these things? I mean, I don't care. I care a lot. Yeah, I know. Not cut and dry answers.

But I just want to throw out some facts that I don't think are being recognized in this conversation. Okay? So there's a Monopoly game. It comes with only four pieces, right, of who you can play as. Wait, why are there only four pieces? Yeah, this is another question. What is that? Monopoly has, like, spinning wheels and freaking dogs and hats and stuff.

And that's never, granted, like, maybe this is a correction because that's way too many things. Like, not that many people are playing Monopoly at one time. Who sits down for an eight-player Monopoly game? Why? It's nice to have a choice. Sometimes you're feeling like a thimble. Sometimes you're feeling like... Sometimes I would put the hat on the dog and play as the dog wearing a hat. Yeah, but you're a goddamn lunatic, David, and we know that. I know. I'm out of control.

You're out of your goddamn mind. It only has four pieces, which is lunacy. A Sims level of lunacy in and of itself. Are they just being cheap? Are they like pewter pieces? Because I had the classic trilogy Monopolyopoly and those are like, those are pretty nice. Nice pewter pieces. Is it four though or do they give you six? No, they give you like six or eight or something.

We had like Han, Luke, Leia, Darth. This is, they're like larger and they're like painted. They're not just like metal or maybe they are metal, but they're painted. Like they look more accurate than the little metal ones. They're like D&D pieces or something. Yeah, they look like little model tabletop game pieces. Gotcha. There's only four.

It's Luke, Darth, Kylo Ren, and Finn. Darth Vader not in this movie. But it's young Luke too. It's like farm boy Luke. So is this new Star Wars, like a new general all-purpose Star Wars monopoly, or is this Force Awakens monopoly? I believe this is Star Wars monopoly. This is a new Star Wars, like a new general all-purpose Star Wars monopoly, or is this Force Awakens monopoly?

I believe this is Star Wars monopoly. This is a new Star Wars monopoly incorporating Force Awakens. So it's got Jakku, but it's also got Dagobah or whatever. Right, exactly. And it has fucking Naboo and whatever. Does it have the Hosnian system? Oh, yeah. I don't know exactly what the list is.

Can we talk about the Hosnian system for a second? Absolutely. Of course. This is what you wanted to get to. Yeah. That was the shout out. Ben point number one. Ben Hosnian.

Very excited. Wow. Your name was represented twice in this movie. What's your middle name? Is your middle name like Ray or Ben or Poe or Dameron? No, it's McCormick. All right. Fine.

That's fine. But the main villain of right. Oh, fine. That's fine. But the main villain of this film is named Ben. Kylo Ben. Right. Ben McCormick. Yeah, go ahead. Sorry. And then the Haas.

We call you the Haas and there's the Haasian system. It's true. Yeah. So did anybody, because I remember being very upset after this. Actually, so the main death that happens in this movie didn't hit me emotionally. It was very emotional when I thought that Coruscant had been destroyed. You thought Coruscant bit the dust. I was very upset about that.

Coruscant, a planet we've talked about quite a lot on this podcast. Because, you know, I don't know if you know this, Emily. Oh, the computer closed. David just closed his laptop dramatically. The whole planet of Coruscant's a city. The whole planet's a city. How do you even, like, district that? We've had a lot of discussion over how that could possibly work.

It's all turn-of-the-side parking work. Does it, like, get to the southern hemisphere? We're clean in the north this time. Also, I just want to bring it back to my fanfic, the most important part. Please. Was it set on Coruscant? My other one, my more experimental fanfic, was set on Cor of this. Please! Was it set on Coruscant? My other one, my more experimental fanfic was set on Coruscant. Whoa, wait.

In what I call the lower Coruscant. Yeah, alright. Which is the lower levels of it. It was some Blade Runner shit. And it had a Mary Sue who did not have the Force, and I thought that was super, super... So she was just like a bandit. She was just a bandit. More of a Han Solo type.

And it's very, very expressly like she does not have the force. She's just an idiot. Does she want the force? She's just an idiot. Everyone wants the force. No, she's just a good fighter. Cool. Cool.

So this was set like among the scum and villainy of like, because I mean it is crazy how the prequels, like the most they do that is just that one, the bar with the death sticks. Yeah. Yes. And even that's like not, like they should have gone into the death. Like, I'm very, that's actually, I feel like, the biggest loss of those movies is that Coruscant,

from the moment that you see Coruscant in the special edition of Jedi. Sure. I was immediately transformed. Yeah, what is this? Because I was, like, this was also before I saw Blade Runner and any cyberpunk stuff. And I was like, oh, like a city in space, like a super, super futuristic thing. Like that seems like my shit. And then I got into that stuff.

But like that seemed like the biggest missed opportunity in those prequels. Like for spending so much time on clearly the best planet. They spend a lot of time there. And they do. I mean, mostly they hang out in like hotel rooms and balconies and stuff. They're like way up at the top or the best planet. They spend a lot of time there and they do, I mean, mostly they hang out in like hotel rooms and balconies and stuff that are like way up at the top or the Jedi temple.

Away from the pain and suffering. Have you guys talked about how they have such nice apartments? We have talked about it so much. All right, we talked about how Darth Sidious and Darth Maul

appear to have like a very nice apartment with a balcony where they chat. They just share it together. And then, and then of course, Anakin and Padme

have like a fucking palace. And they just like like, sit. She's just sitting around her crystals. It has, like, 80 couches. Yeah. The biggest living room I've ever seen. It has a helicopter landing pad, practically, for a balcony. It's so big.

Yes, it does. Like, you could land the freaking Death Star on that thing. Yes, you could. Yes, you could. Yes, we can. And, like, I mean, see, Emily should have been on this podcast the whole time. You should be on every episode. We talk so much about Carson

can I throw two quick sidebars off things but anyway well the thing is Carson is actually not destroyed in the movie it turns out it's Hosnian Prime they do say it it's a huge amount of retconning is that the right term for this because it was so confusing

and it was such a way to like have something that looks like coruscant getting destroyed happen but it's not that like it could have been you know could have been something more like alderaan which was supposed to be like not quite as urban well alderaan's been blown up though i know but like but like it didn't need to be oh you're saying it didn't look like a city planet thing like it's too confusing it was confusing and also like i sifted through all the other shit, all the stuff they put out. And apparently, the idea is the Senate moves every year or whatever.

And like, okay. No, but not every year. I think they do that because of after the battle or whatever. After they defeat the Empire, they move. So you can't pin them down. They just forward their mail to a different place. So it takes them a little while to find them. Can I throw out two quick things?

Sure. Just go right ahead and throw out two quick things. Okay. On the topic of what we're talking about. Thing one. Boom. Before he sold

Lucasfilm off to Disney, George Lucas was in development on, he had apparently written like 70 scripts or not himself written but commissioned 70 scripts for what was going to be

an hour long live action Star Wars TV show called Star Wars Underworld and the entire idea was I want to make like a TVMA se-long live-action Star Wars TV show called Star Wars Underworld. And the entire idea was I want to make a TVMA, seedy underbelly of Star Wars, criminals, bars, stuff like that. It probably wouldn't have been executed well, but it's a cool idea that I hope they revisit now.

Second thing is... They've talked about it. They say those scripts exist. They exist. They have that raw material. Probably take a lot of work to make them good. A lot of work. But I want a show like that.

Yeah, Netflix. It sounds real cool. It'd be on Netflix. Also, I mean, it's not going to be like a hard R or anything, but Rogue One does sound a little like that.

Sure. Rogue One, the upcoming 2016 Star Wars entry. It sounds like it's mostly like non-powered human criminals. Here's what I want

from Rogue One. Yeah. Space. Space battles. I want space. This movie lacks for space battles. I want to be in space.

It does have space battles, but they are maybe the least interesting. They're not very arresting. I kind of like the first TIE Fighter escape scene. But that's not a space battle. No. That's a within the atmosphere. It's true. Look, it's as good as you get. You at least see

the blackness of space. That is the best. I feel like that's the best action sequence of the whole movie. I think the Falcon scene is the best. Yeah, the first one when they escape. No, no, I'm talking about

the TIE fighter escape scene, Emily, when Poe and Finn escape from the Star Destroyer. That's your favorite? No, I'm not saying it's my favorite. It's in space. That's my second favorite.

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah. The best actual space battle, yeah. Right. Millennium Falcon on Jakku is my favorite. Yeah, the Millennium, that is the best. Yeah, that's the one where it really feels like it's clicking and like there's like a lot of momentum.

Oh, this is a movie. It's happening. Yeah, here we go, here we go. It's like character beats that are fun. Yeah. Yeah. Point two. Wait, what was the one?

Point one was just the Star Wars Underworld series. Oh, sure. I just wanted to bring up two points based off of what we were talking about. You said Rogue One. Our love of CD criminal stuff in Star Wars. Point two is there's an art of

Star Wars book that just came out which is very interesting because they threw a lot of shit at the wall. There was the point in time where J.J. James got hired.

Michael Arndt had written a script. They didn't like it. So they were like nine months out from needing to film. He and Lawrence Kasdan decided they were

pretty much going to start from scratch but they already need to start building stuff. So he just went to their, he and Lawrence Kasdan decided they were pretty much going to start from scratch, but they already need to start building stuff. So he just went to their art department and was like, hey, just start designing

stuff you think would be cool in a Star Wars movie. And sometimes they'd look at a design and be like, oh, we'll write that in. Right. Like Captain Phasma, who was barely written in.

Someone drew that and he was like, oh, that's an interesting idea for a character. We'll put her in. Stuff like that. Make it out of metal. The art of Star Wars book

is more interesting than most art books because they were like also letting the art department guys. This isn't the visual dictionary. This is the Art of Star Wars. I have this book

on my desk right now. Emily, fucking give it to me. I want this book. Okay, great. I need somebody to give it to. Emily, what about giving it to me? I should have just

brought it with me. He blew it. You should give it to Ben. He's the nicest because he didn't ask for it. Yeah, yeah. It's like some King Lear shit here. Also, I had a galaxy named after me and it's gone. It was just a solar system.

Oh, sorry. Whatever. No, it's quite all right. There is in this book several pages about they'd considered creating a new planet for the movie. One of my gripes of the movie, and it's a movie I do like a lot. You think I've turned to the dark side. Yeah, I think you fucking suck. I've downgraded my opinion a little bit, but I still like it a lot. I think it's a very fun the movie. One of my gripes of the movie, and it's a movie I do like a lot. You think I've turned to the dark side. Yeah, I think you fucking suck. I've downgraded my opinion a little bit,

but I still like it a lot. I think it's a very fun fucking movie. I was more amped up about that two weeks ago. I know. Now I'm kind of... Amped up about what now? I was like really into the movie, and I was just like,

I was in that sort of kid mode where I'm like, I just like Star Wars. I just like Star Wars. I like Star Wars. And I didn't like, I would like another TV show to be on, and I'd just sort of be like,

this isn't Star Wars. I don't like a Star Wars thing to happen right now. That's why I went back and watched the prequels because I was like, let's think about Star Wars some more.

I had already done that a lot. No, I didn't want to do it. I purposefully did not do it. Yeah. But, uh... I saw it a second time and started considering certain things and David...

I'm not sure if I liked it and I was just like, No, I said I liked it a lot. I'm not sure if I love it. That was my debate. We had a nice special experience where we saw it a second time and started considering certain things and David I'm not sure if I liked it and I was just like no I said I liked it a lot I'm not sure if I love it that was my debate we had a nice special experience we had a great time watching it in the Art of Star Wars book

this is the point I wanted to say in the Art of Star Wars book there was like a couple pages devoted to a certain point they were considering a planet it wasn't written in the script but they were like

maybe go here one of my gripes with the movie is that like all the new planets we go to are pretty much carbon copies of like the Haasian system looks like Coruscant jakku is essentially just tattooing with a new name what's the new other one that looks like yavin i don't even know what it's called

all them look like and the star killer base looks like hoth when they're on the planet it looks like right on the base um there are trees the one thing that's kind of cool is the planet Luke's on. Yes. No, that's the one really new feeling thing. Because they found a nice location to shoot at. Yeah, with Michael in Ireland. They had considered...

Takodana. That's her planet. The one where Maz Kanata is. What's it called? Takodana. See, I totally missed that and I've seen it twice now and I usually try really hard

to pay attention to planes. It's the one where they land and Ray's like, I've never seen so much green. And Han gives her this like, sorry. Way to bring the mood down, kid. I don't know where it would have fit into the story if it was a thing that just guys

started drawing and then they were like, no, we're not going to write that into the script. But there are several pages in this book devoted to the idea of name feels like a placeholder. A planet called Crime City. Probably a placeholder. Yeah. Crime City makes no sense because it's a planet, not a city.

Agreed. Hence, a placeholder. Is it all one word? Crime City. Crimecity? No, it was two words. If it was Crimecity, that'd be awesome. If it was Crimecity, or even if it was Chimesity. And then it would be in the IMDb trivia section, it would be like, Crimecity, that'd be awesome. If it was cremesity, or even if it was, like, chimesity.

And then it would be in the IMDb trivia section. It would be like, cremesity, actually, if you put a space there, it just says crime trivia. My favorite IMDb trivia fact of all time is on the trivia page for Batman Forever. It says, Nicole Kidman's character's name of Dr. Chase Meridian is an allusion to the fact that women are always chasing after Batman. What? Is it really? I mean, are they?

Are women chasing after Batman? It's not really like, you're like, oh, you know, Batman dresses like a bat. Women are always chasing him around. Like, that's not really like,

Where does Meridian come from? Where the hell does Meridian come from? I think they called her that because it was a cool name and some guy sat there and went like, It is such a 90s name,

Chase Meridian. And she's a psychiatrist. It's such a like, 90s a 90s name, Chase Meridian. And she's a psychiatrist. It's such a like 90s character. She sounds like Chase Meridian, PI, works in Crime City. That's also literally the only movie where the woman is chasing after Batman. That's the one where she's like, that's the plot is she's like. I know. Batman Forever is weird because it is about a woman who like really wants to fuck Batman.

Like not Bruce Wayne. Like Batman. No, she's got like a Batman suit. Yeah. Like she comes up to Batman. She's like, you are wearing a rubber suit and. No, she's got, like, a Batman suit. Yeah. Like, she comes up to Batman, and she's like, you are wearing a rubber suit, and I like that.

And he's like, all right. Yeah, and there's that weird part where she fucks a five-year-old boy on Halloween because he's wearing a Batman costume. Do you remember that scene? Griffin, I'm not into this. In Batman Forever? It's a weird,

it's very Schumacher-ian. I remember when I saw Batman Forever, I was, like, nine, and I still didn't think that people could kiss on screen unless they were married. I remember when I saw Batman Forever I was like 9 and I still didn't think that people could kiss on screen unless they were married I just thought that was only something that married people could do so I thought that whenever people kissed on screen who were not married it was some sort of

special effect that was happening and I wasn't seeing a lot of movies where people were kissing I think because I was a kid but Batman has like making out scenes and I was just like how do they do this this looks really real Rick Baker had to make prosthetic tongues for this scene. Is this like a trick photography? Silicone lips.

Mirrors involved. Yeah. Crime City. Looks cool. It's a different vibe. It was like really low life, beaten down. Yeah. Stars.

If I can just finish up this toy thing. This merchandise spotlight. We got into like 17 spotlights. We got into 17 sidebars. Woo! Jesus Christ. Malby said only his four characters. How do you keep track of this? 17 Spotlight. We got into 17 Sidebars. Woo! Jesus Christ. Malby said only his four characters. How do you keep track of this?

It's impossible. It's impossible. We have like fans. People like tweeted us and they were like, you forgot to talk about that thing you were saying about Harry Potter. Oh my God.

I'm sorry. But they also only say that because they like listening to this, which is still insanity. It doesn't make any sense at all. Insanity. Respect your fans. Love our fans.

I love them. We don't have a name for them. Well, they were calling themselves present heads. I think now they're blank checkers. They're blankies. They're blankies. The blankies. Emily has named our fan.

So just tweet at Emily Ishida, hashtag blankies. And then post a picture of you with a blankie. Perfect. And a thumb in your mouth. Or maybe fan art of me and you with a... Anyway, that's fair. Or make a blankie and stitch our faces onto them

what's your point about the fucking toys there are only four characters if there was like eight and Ray was not one of them I'd be like absolute bullshit

pure sexism in this case it's like hero villain hero villain and I do think there's something to the fact

that I think to some degree it's a cover up you're defending this I'm not into this you really think you can make room I'm sorry

I'm sorry I'm gonna get in here how. There could be a fucking brave character. I'm going to get in here. Yeah. How is there room for Kylo Ren then? There's no room for Darth Vader. Hero villain. No, no, no. This is what I want to say.

This is what I want to say. This is the big point I want to make, okay? The argument for Hasbro's point of we were saving until after the movie comes out, which I think is a little bit of ass covering. A little bit? Here's my one counterpoint to it. Griffin. The other thing they didn't release at all

before the movie came out was Han Solo in any form. Uh-huh. That's true. There were no Han Solos. Weird. Which is another thing they wanted to save. They didn't have an old Han Solo? Came out after the movie came out.

Do they have one with a hole in his chest now? Will come out after the Blu-ray. That you can drop from a great height. Comes with catwalk. What is he doing on that catwalk? Hugging his son no I mean it's where you go

when you want to find your dad you go to a catwalk I know it's fine it's just like I wish there was like it'd be funny if he was like you know

there's like a computer there and he's like he's like twiddling that's the one email station they have is there good wifi there um um

no no no no okay so hero villain hero villain is not a good point because there is not a good I'm not defending the monopoly they have? Is there good Wi-Fi there? No, no, no, no, no. Okay, so hero-villain, hero-villain is not a good point. Well, the Monopoly set's dumb. I'm not defending the Monopoly set. There's not, that's not,

that does not reflect of the demographics of the Star Wars universe. It should probably be like one villain and three heroes. Also, like, how is, if there's not room for Rey, fine, she's new,

she's only been in one movie. How is there not room for Leia? I agree. They'll offer an expansion pack or something probably. Well, they said they're refreshing it, and the next version is going to come out with Rey instead of Finn. I could have just also, also, all of these, this is the thing about not wanting to spoil Rey being such a big character.

Because obviously we don't know how big a character Finn is either. But I think that was the bait and switch. Just send her out with her stick. Yeah, because obviously we don't know how big a character Finn is either. But I think that was the big switch. Send her out with her, send it out with her stick. Yeah, she's got the stick. I'll send out the lightsaber later.

The stick's cool. Well, this is the thing I would like to say. Oh my God. Rey's my favorite character in the new movie. I've been desperately

trying to find any sort of Rey toy. There are like 15 that have been produced. All of them are the most difficult ones to find. They get sold out.

Right, because like people want them? Yes. But there's a thing where I consider buying the little Lego of her ship. It's only $20. With the speeder. With her little bike. It's very cute. Really cute. That's the one that you can still sort of find.

They didn't produce enough to meet demand. I think they underproduced Rey and to make matters worse, most versions of Rey were packaged with BB-8 so it's the two best characters in one package. And you just can't get them. Impossible to find. Those are the two best characters. Y'all have the Sphero.

Oh, I got that Sphero. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I'm all about that Sphero. It's pretty good. Yeah. Do you have one? It's impossible to use, but it is so cute.

It is so cute. It's the best. Ben's just giving us the best. It's impossible to use, but it is so cute. It is so cute. It's the best. Ben's just giving us the time. He's just telling us how long we've been recording. There are a couple cases of boxes of multiple characters that they have left Ray out of that I think are pretty egregious and inexcusable. But I think a lot of people have looked at it and gone like, oh, there's no Rave merchandise, which there is.

They just haven't produced enough and it's really hard to find. It's a case of everyone being wrong and everyone being right at the same time. Sure. I want to say. But I see a lot of people glossing over it and going like, oh, they didn't make anything. They made stuff. Yeah. Not enough.

A couple of the exclusions were gross. They're fucked up. I also, if you find Ray toys, please send them to me. Griffindaypresent at gmail.com. Email me a toy. Oh, we're going to have to update the email. No, I think hold on to the old email for. No, let's update.

Really, let's update it. I saw some very cute fan art. I'm usually like, actually, the cuteness is the thing let's update. I saw some very cute fan art. I'm usually like, actually the cuteness is the thing that's getting to me the most about Force Awakens. Like the cuteness factor between Rey and which makes me just, I have warm fuzzies about Rey anyway

because of the nature of that character. And the Poe and Finn thing. People are shipping Poe and Finn. It's a very sweet movie. It's like much, and not in a way that I hate. I think there's a lot of ways that could be bad, but I I saw, I have to find that.

I think it's sweet in a good way, too. It's a movie about friends. I think that the Han Solo death scene, actually, one of the reasons it worked for me, I mean, you heartless people apparently didn't. I like the movie a lot. No, I know, I know, I'm kidding. Um, that's fantastic. Isn't that adorable? This is a Bill Waterston themed

piece of art. It looks like, you know, Calvin and Hobbes, but it's Ray and BB-8. It's great. This is a new segment called Emily's Fan Art Corner. And Emily describes fan art. Do you want to credit? Who's the artist of that? Oh, who is the artist of this? Brian Kessinger.

Good job, Brian. It's on Instagram. His name is B-R-I-A-N Kessinger. K-E-S-I-N-G-E-R. And it's like, yeah, Ray and BB-8 in a sled going down a mountain. And then their little piece of TIE fighter trash. Right, that thing she uses to like. I love that part.

But, you know, where was the scene that showed us like how she learned how to rappel and like how to like sled? Like there should have been all these scenes to explain all these skills she had. Also, that scene where Ray and I go out to dinner and just have like a really nice conversation. and how to sled. There should have been all these scenes to explain all these skills she had. It's just outrageous. That scene where Ray and I go out to dinner and just have a really nice conversation. No, but it isn't my movie, Dave. I want to marry Steve myself into the movie. They are very childish, both of them, Ray and Finn. I love the idea that Finn's a newborn in this movie.

I also read that both of them are supposed to be 19. They're supposed to be 19 years old, yeah. And that she's kind of like a child, like in a way. I mean, she's like a tougher child. She's like arrested her development in a subway waiting for her parents. And I think one of her best

little notes is right at the beginning when she puts the helmet on. Because I was talking to my friend about this movie and he was saying the first time he saw it, he was a little confused by Rey because he's like, she just keeps getting like sucked into a thing. It's like someone comes along and she gets wrapped up in and it's like... Oh, you mean like what happens in Star Wars movies? No, I know, but then he was...

He felt like a little confused and then he saw it a second time and he had not really noticed the helmet scene. He's like, of course, she wants to get out there. Her version of looking at the two sunsets. Yeah, and she's got the little doll. She's got like a weird little rebel alliance like like a pilot a little excellent and she like totally is studied up on her lore oh totally that's actually one of my favorite parts is

she knows han solo as the smuggler famous smuggler we talked about that isn't that great it's very very nice and and that he's like the you mean the rebel general who I hate. He's brainwashing. I was talking about that with, like, I have like a dumb take, which is like, they're all like fans, right? Like Rey's like a fan who learned all the languages and learned how everything works. And like, she's like, she's really into all the details of it. And like, Kylo Ren is like the fan who's like, it has to be exactly like I want it to be. And like, Darth Vader is so cool. And then Finn is the one who's like, I don't know what

any of this really is, but it's really delightful. I'm really into it. Finn's the new fan. Finn's the new fan. Wow, look at all this stuff. He's learning about it and getting excited at the same time. So there you go, there's my hot take. See, if I was a freelancer, I'd be pitching that take around.

Now, can I ask you guys, since you've all seen the movie twice now, and I remember from the last episode, you had mentioned it not being clear why there was the New Republic and the Separatists. It's not clear in the movie. It's still not clear. No, it's been explained, I guess, online, but it's not clear in the movie

at all. They apparently shot all of that stuff. And some of the books that have come out, not just the side story books, but novelization and some of the books that have come out, not just like the, like, you know, side story books, but like novelization and some of the like children's adaptations that are supposed to be

representing scenes from the movie include pieces that went into that more in depth. There was supposed to be, I think, a whole scene on the Hosnian system with there's a woman

who you see who's like framed at the center when she's about to die on that like balcony. Oh yeah. Right. And she's an actress, Maisie Williams.

Oh, yeah, right. Who's done some work. When they cast her, there was sort of an announcement, and then she appears for one second. She's not Maisie Williams of Game of Thrones. Maybe Maisie Sellers Richardson or something like that. Yeah. I think her name is Maisie Sellers Richardson

or something like that. Maisie Richardson Sellers. I was flipped. Pretty good. But, yeah. She was in the originals. CW's hit Vampire Diaries. Oh, I thought you meant the original Star Wars. She was in the original Star Wars movies.

I know the originals also. And that's about it. But she was in those. She had a recurring part, 14 episodes in the originals. Oh, good for her. And she's in the upcoming Of Kings and Prophets, which is an ABC series based on on the bible good source material yeah no i hear it's uh here it's a gripping read good book good book i told you my story about like my friend i'm gonna give myself negative 10 comedy points for that

i told you my story did i tell you no i was telling pilot the guy there's my i had a friend who was from kurdistan and he like did no knew nothing of like christian mythology and he knew nothing of Christian mythology and he saw The Passion of the Christ in theaters. And what he said to him was like, did you know about that movie? Did you know that story? They beat the shit out of him. There's no reference point really for it. That's amazing.

He was like, it's a good story. That would be such a good episode if we were still doing No Bits Bits. If we did 10 episodes deconstructing the passion of the crisis, we didn't know the Bible existed. As if we'd never read the Bible. That's such an original word. I just do not want to watch that movie. I don't either.

It's really okay. Wait, what were we talking about? So we finished talking about toys, right? Oh, right. Done with toys. Right. God. So the Republic with the First Order and how they're set up

and it's unclear. That was cut out. This is a thing that people have been talking about a lot. And this is, I have more sort of problem, but I'm more interested in this than you are. You sort of don't care, David. I'd love to hear how you feel about this, Emily. I think there's very clearly 40 minutes cut out of this movie.

And not just scenes trimmed, but entire sequences and plot lines. I know. That's a couple of scenes. Yeah. I think there's no way that Poe wasn't supposed to appear at all between when the TIE fighter crashes and when he shows up back on

Maz Kaneda's planet, which I already forgot the name of. Takodana. Takodana. Taco Bell. Just because he's a guy who's so obsessed with moments and those like big payoff moments and when they cut to Poe in the X-Wing

it's just kind of like oh here's Poe again. Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't quite hit in the same way as like on the solo

popping out of the sun. Right. If they wanted you to actually believe Popular scene. Good scene. If they want us to actually believe

that he was dead for that section of the movie A I don't think the first image they ever put out of Poe in the first teaser

trailer would have been him in the flight suit in his X-Wing flying no I get what you're saying I just

I don't know I don't really care I want as much Oscar Isaac as I can get I think it works I like his return I think that's fun

I like the X-Wings on the water and stuff and the music kind of kicks up and I'm actually grateful even though like his return. I think that's fun. I like the X-Wings on the water and stuff. And the music kind of kicks up. And I'm actually grateful even though you think of Star Wars as being three characters that are hanging out together. But I do like that there's enough time for Finn and Rey to hang out and just establish an dynamic without having a bunch of characters thrown in. I mean, Han and Chewie are there, but it's mostly about them. I like that a lot, too.

I would have liked to have seen whatever Poe was doing. And there are a couple things like that. He's just getting back to the fucking thing. I don't need explanations. I don't need like, T-Man, you're making fun of me again. He said he was over this. Sorry.

And now he's making fun of me and my voice with a really accurate impression. Sorry, go on, go on, go on. No, I just, the movie moves really fast. It moves at a very fast clip. It's very fun. It keeps the ball in the air. Up until a certain point. What's the point where it sort of gets molasses?

On that, on that. Taco Donut on Taco Bell? No, well, kind of, but I like Maz Kanata enough. Second act does lag, though. But the stupid scene that should have been deleted with the stupid monsters on the stupid. I mean, that scene. That was so

unnecessary. You could make a clean cut. It screamed as like, and you see it in Marvel movies a lot, you see it in a lot of these, where they were just like, we need another action. You know, like, we need, like, they were just literally looking like an energy read of the movie. It's been 10 minutes. I think that's just about where the trash

shoot monster would have been in New Hope. Which is the slowest part of New Hope, for sure. But it's also like we've just met back up with our great old friend Han Solo. We just want to spend time with him. And then immediately we have to deal with some monsters. Like, let's keep just talking to Han. Also, I see the point. And it may have been like a Larry Kazan idea or whatever.

We're like, we need Han to be doing like smuggler business. We need like a whole smuggler thing to happen. And here he is. He's talking to the guys from the raid. He's talking to the guys from lockout or whatever. The Scottish guys, you know. And like locked out. Whatever.

Yeah, lockout. It was called lockout. With Guy Pearce? Yeah, I like that movie a lot. Have you seen that movie? No, I haven't. It's like Escape from New York in space. And Guy Pearce plays like Kurt Russell.

It's really fun. It's a good movie. Yeah. Okay. Anyway, let's move on. We'll do a podcast about that. Anyway, so that's a fun. It's a good movie. Yeah. Okay. Anyway, let's move on. We'll do a podcast about that. Anyway, so I bet it's fair. Like, your complaint is fair.

Emily, I'm pointing at Emily. Yeah. This is a podcast. Nobody can see. The tentacle monster scene, it's just kind of shitty. No, and it looks bad, too. It does look last minute.

It doesn't look like they spent very much time rendering those tentacles. And I watched it, and I was like, oh, this must be where poor Harrison Ford broke his leg. No question. Because doors are closing left and right.

What if it wasn't? What if it was just like the door to the cafeteria? I wonder what they were like. Did you hear the story that the door closed on his leg and Abrams just ran on set, very nice of him, and tried to lift it off of him? And it was a hydraulic door. So Abrams broke a backbone. Yeah, he was wearing a hidden cast. of him and tried to like lift it off of him and it was a hydraulic door so abrams like yeah like broke a backbone yeah he was wearing like a like a hidden cast yeah he didn't tell under his shirt

for like the whole shoot because otherwise they would have tried to fire him not fire him but like put him on medical leave or whatever um i did think it's funny i don't know if it was a conscious joke but the end of that stupid tentacle chase scene is Rey defeating the monster by closing his legs in a door. Yeah, I know. I mean, it can't be a joke. Or is it like a Spider-Man 2 thing where he does my back? Yeah, I like that.

Remember that? It's a reference to Tobey Maguire. Trying to get that salary, Skrilla? I just think J.J. Abrams is a very good magician. His main thing is getting your attention, working you in. You were able to overlook. I think he's good at pacing a movie in a way kind of Christopher Nolan can do it too

where it's like you just don't think about it too hard. Right, exactly. And you just sort of, you're. Right. A musician that I am mutual followers with on Twitter described him as an AI of a young, fresh director. Like basically a program written to make it feel like a young, hot Hollywood, like Colin Trevorrow type.

He's got a trim, and he's got glasses and a haircut. But not even the look, just how his movies feel. It's just like, yeah, this makes sense. No argument here. It's functional. I prefer him to Colin Trevorrow, though, as do you. Well, yeah, considering that Colin Trevorrow is one of my two least favorite human beings of all time. Here's the other one.

My dad. That's not true. I had to come up with a joke really quickly. As I said, too, I knew you were going to say that. I love my dad. I was struggling to think. We are in the UCV headquarters. I was struggling to think of someone else that wasn't an offensive joke.

I threw my dad under the bus. I'm sorry, Peter. Never mind. Anyway, we don't really like Colin Trevorrow. The biggest bummer about The Force Awakens is like Colin Trevorrow. The biggest bummer about The Force Awakens is that Colin Trevorrow is directing episode nine.

Yeah, I feel like that's kind of like oh, this is a bad one. Say it, say it, say it. Come on, Emily. No one listens to this thing. Kind of like the next World Cup being in Qatar.

Oh, totally. Yeah, where you're like Jesus. We're all going to be bummed out about this later. You're going to run into some problems you know I know

Rian Johnson's I keep saying to myself Rian Johnson's writing episode 9 as if I know episode 8's gonna be good like it might be a piece of shit

I don't know it probably is I also say I mean we got a lot of time Colin Trevor could get fired between now and then tax evasion that's my thing baby

he's gonna get arrested for tax evasion let's get on that somebody start doing the research. Let's start digging. Going through his trash. Well, you pitched on Twitter. What was it?

A Kickstarter for a movie about us trying to stop him from making episode nine. And then someone pointed out that the brilliant third act twist would be that you betray me when Colin gives you a part in the movie. Right. Which would be really good. And then I'm on my own. I want to know who you guys would rather have do 9 like knowing nothing obviously we don't know where it's going to be going

but imagining that it has a similar place as Jedi Griffin was trying to be real like you know gung ho and trying to find a female director it seemed right on twitter I forget who you suggested her name I really like Jennifer Kent I want Jennifer Kent to do everything

I think she's so great I just said Kent to do everything. Jennifer Kent's cool. She made the Babadook. I just said Brad Bird. Brad Bird's my number one pick. Yeah, Brad Bird is my number one pick. Because I just think he's the best director of action alive, in my opinion. But I saw J.J. Abrams mention recently that he had met with

Ava DuVernay, and she's apparently a really big Star Wars fan. And it's like, oh, then you should give her a Star Wars movie. Yeah, she should make a Star Wars movie. If she likes Star Wars, let her make a Star Wars movie right now. David Dufay should make a movie. That's my opinion. I like her making movies. Did we have this conversation, Emily? I forget.

I was talking about this with someone where I was like, I really just want her to make a movie. I think she's going to make a movie. I'm really glad that she's not making the Black Panther movie. Me too. I agree. There's something just inherently so insulting about people being like,

wait, why wouldn't you want that job? Like it's a Marvel movie. It's like, no, some people don't use that as a measure of success. Same goes for Star Wars too.

If she totally didn't want to do a Star Wars movie, that would be cool. But I feel like a Star Wars spinoff, one of these like quote unquote Star Wars stories movies

could give her a lot more freedom than any Marvel movie would. Marvel movies are the toughest. Yeah, because they all have to line up with each other perfectly. If Ava DuVernay had an idea for like here's a thing set in the Star Wars universe, obviously Disney's going to be micromanaging to a degree because it costs a lot of money. But it also like it wouldn't have the ability to crumble the entire house of cards if it didn't work. Yeah, I get you. So she could do whatever her-

Who do you want, Emily? Who's your pick? I don't know. I was just trying to think because I hadn't actually thought about it besides the fact that I don't want- I mean, I just try to think of directors I like who I've seen sort of work on a big scale or whatever and enjoyed their work. Brad Bird's always the one that comes to mind, but there are others.

I have to change my choice, actually. Walt Becker. No, because you haven't seen Road Ship yet, have you? I haven't seen Alvin and the Chipmunks for the Road Ship. This guy, I'm telling you, is no tour. He repeats the same themes. There's a thematic obsession with people getting hit in the testicles. The films are constantly a comedy of manners of people being misidentified as other things.

In the old dogs, they're dads, but people think they're grandpas. In Alvin and the Chipmunks, everyone thinks they're rats. What else does he like? People being mean, human ugliness. Who would be good? It's hard. You know what looks bad? Go ahead.

I'll start working on it. Looks like a bummer. I think it looks fine. I was really bummed out. Because otherwise I would be like, would it be Justin Lin? Yeah. I love Justin Lin. That guy bats a thousand for me.

Yeah. What was the new X-Men looks good? No, it looks terrible. No. Do you like it because it has a big guy? But Oscar Isaac has Apocalypse, though. Wait, wait. Do you like it because Apocalypse is big? Ben, Ben, come on.

Ben, I agree with you. Ben, I agree with you. I think it looks fun. It looks like cool. Looks cool. I like the 80s. There's a big bad guy in it. And it's Oscar Isaac who played Poe Dameron in this movie.

No way. Yeah, man. Ben, we should talk about Snoke. Yeah, bro. We should talk about Snoke. Wait. We should talk about Snoke. You have a notebook full of ideas.

Ben has a notebook. Snoke is the worst. This is called Ben's Snoke Corner. All right. Ben's Snoke Corner? Ben's Snoke Corner. Yes. No snoking.

I've been saying for a while that I really want a big like Jedi or bad guy character because I'm tired of these little guys and he means big I'm talking big inside the lesson is don't underestimate the little guy how long have you been waiting for this? a long time, at least two and a half months

for a while, I've been very vocal I'll say this Emily, every time he brings the subject up he words it exactly the same way. Like it's a recording. Like he's taking out a tape, and yet every time I find it funnier than last time. He's not changed the meter in which he says it. It's the exact same complaint. I'm going to go on his side for a second, just because I think it is one of these sci-fi tropes that everybody is roughly humanoid shaped. Even Avatar, 12 feet is not

that much different. No, right. They're basically basketball players compared to... Yeah. So somebody who is on a massively different scale but I would also say the microscopic... Have you ever read the Bruce Covill alien books, which I was obsessed with when I was a kid? One cool thing about that is that...

Like the Alien and My Breakfast? Aliens Ate My Homework. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Left My Secrets in Dimension X. They're the greatest books ever. You should read all four of them. They're amazing. And one of the things,

in the first book, they're tiny when they meet him because they've been shrunk to a microscopic size. They're like two inches tall. Uh-huh. And they keep talking around the fact what size they actually are.

Uh-huh. And in the second book, you realize that they come up to your your waist uh-huh and like that is and like that's then they're like yeah this is most people are this size but humans are just really tall like and that's like one of the many brilliant things in those books that's just like i had never thought about before and those books also have gracker who's the lead alien character says that he's from a swamp. And the kid's like, oh, you're from a swamp planet? And he's like, no.

My planet had a swamp. What do you mean swamp planet? It's dispelling that sort of Star Wars, which we've talked about. The one environment planet. Multiple ecosystems within one planet. Anyway, back to Snoke. Ben's Snoke Corner. Yes.

He's not really that big, though. It's just a projection. Yeah. It's a default dude. Well, it's unknown. His size is unknown. He could be big. He could be kind of big.

He could be tiny. But I feel like it's just a projection. You think it's just a red part. He's very big. Can I throw a what if out to you? Yeah. So I said this when you were out of the room setting up the levels. I said this to Emily and David.

You might like this, okay? So let's keep the hope alive. Because right now it's a classic JJ mystery box. We don't know until we open it what size he actually is, right? So you go, oh, the hologram's big. He's probably a small guy and the hologram's deceptively big, right? But let's look at the visual language of Star Wars. In every Star Wars movie we've seen so far, the hologram's itty bitty.

It's like four to six inches. Well, sometimes they have a regular size hologram, but they've had many a small size. They've had little palm-held ones. I'd say I've never seen a hologram, because the biggest one I can remember is the one- They have a life size, two scale. They have two scale. Yeah. And there's the ones where they're sitting in the chairs, and some people are sitting

in chairs elsewhere, which is great. Now you can do that, and you can actually teleconference that. That's actually honestly pretty cool. A lot of the holograms, I'll correct my statement, a lot of the holograms are very small. Pocket-sized, in the palm. There's that one where Obi-Wan is like,

I'm on a clown planet! And he's really tiny. I think I know where you're going with this, though. So you're saying that maybe he's even bigger than the hologram. So if we go, oh man, the holograms are one-tenth the size of the person. We're seeing Snoke.

That's the biggest they can fit in that room. Maybe he's like the size of a pyramid. Like he's that big. Oh, that would be so cool. What if like it turns out that Starkiller base? It's me and Dan. Ben, what if it turns out that- After shooting him down about X-Men Apocalypse, which I feel a little bad about.

It looks fun, Ben. It looks fun. What if- It looks fun Ben It looks fun What if It looks like a lot of fun We're gonna see it together We're gonna have a great time I'll see it When you're not invited

Ben and I are best friends now What if Starkiller Base Isn't a base That they built with machinery But it's Snoke's Motherfucking eyeball He's got laser eyes

They popped one of his eyes out Boop Yeah I was gonna say though About the planet Yeah What did you think about that That just turned into a sun. I was going to say, though, about the planet. What did you think about that, that it turns into a sun? Oh, I actually like that. I thought that was super cool. Because it's like you were expecting the Death Star explosion to happen again

because here was the Death Star basically again. And then, yeah, it's kind of a cool- It's actually a little more positive. It's not just the Death Star again, though. It's even bigger. Yeah. You must have liked that. Did you like the thing where they're like, here's the Death Star.

Here's Starkiller face. I fucking love that shit. Of course. Can't just come back with the same old shit. It's got to be bigger. Ben, what did you think of Maz Kaneda? Who's that? Thousand-year-old alien bartender played by Lupita Nyong'o.

Very tiny. Very tiny. Very small. I mean, she was small, but she had a lot of wisdom. That's right. Okay. And she also could deal with that. Big eyes.

Big eyes. Big eyes. And she could deal with that rough crowd. Yeah. And who did she have a crush on? Chewy. Who is? Big.

A big, hairy guy. She called him my boyfriend. My boyfriend. And he's like seven foot one. It's the best. It's one of the best lines. It's just. Yeah.

That is not given any further explanation. Oh, yeah. That's just how she addresses it. And his body language is kind of like. It's like, pull up lines. That is not given any further explanation. That's just how she addresses it. And his body language is kind of like... It's like, bluffing a million fanfics. Just explode. Do you think they hooked up once and he like... Totally. Yeah.

I don't know. I think of Chewie as this family man who for some reason goes on adventures. We did watch The Holiday Inn. He is married. Of course. What's his son's name? His son is Lumpy. Lumpy.

His father is Itchy. Itchy. I do not remember his wife's name. His wife is Mala, and she looks like Chewbacca, but she wears an apron. She's a lady. Have you guys talked about the names? Yeah, because I feel like I talked about this when I reviewed the Star Wars Holiday Special for AV Club way back when.

Me and Emily are AV Club for life. Long time ago. Galaxy Far, Far Away. Called the AV Club way back when. Me and Emily are AV Club. Yeah. Long time ago. Galaxy far, far away. So itchy and lumpy are supposedly they are adjectives that end in an E sound like chewy. Sure. Are they short for Ichaka and Lumbaka? Yes. Wikipedia listings.

Really? I looked this up. I forgot to mention. So we did the holiday special. Yes. No, their names are like Ichikana. Oh, wow. That's crazy. I'm looking this up now. Yes. Yes, no, their names are like Ichikana. Oh, wow. And like Lumpakora or whatever.

I'm looking this up now. Yes, 100%. Yeah, it's a, no, it's a Lumparuru. Lumparuru. God damn it. Yep. Yeah, it's a real bummer. Wait, who was I talking to about the holiday special

where George Lucas was not really privy to anything that was going on with it and like drove over in the middle of the broadcast? I was talking to you about that. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. with it and drove over in the middle of the broadcast. I was talking to you about that. Yes. That's amazing. Literally in the middle of the broadcast. So on the planet, on the bar planet.

Taco Donna, Taco Bell. Ben's looking at a notebook. He came in loaded with notes today. There's a really fun moment, I think it's at this point, where Han gets Chewie's gun and he shoots it. Oh, yeah, the bowcaster. This is cool. Yeah.

I like that a lot. That was so unnecessary. I don't know who that is. Who's that a wink to? Has somebody always written a fanfic where he got to shoot with the crossbow thing? Because here's the thing. Chewie has always had that thing. Yeah, yeah.

But you almost never see him use it, like very rarely. And it never seemed any different. It just like the bowcaster, he rarely fires. I also don't understand why it looks like that.

It's just a blaster. It doesn't make any sense. The bullets are held in the side bolts. Like is it supposed to be a primitive kind of gun? Like it's a crossbow

but it still shoots a laser. It's very clearly someone was just like I guess you can clonk somebody with it. You can clonk someone with it. Yeah, definitely clonk someone.

But I mean, it's obviously some designer for like Empire Strikes Back or whatever was like, I don't know, it can be like a crossbow. That's cool, right? Yeah.

And so, but I like that in this movie they're like, well, no, the thing is, it's more powerful. It can like make a bigger blast thing and it blasts people.

I know who likes that. Right over here, right next to you. Big fan. Birthday Benny. Oh yeah, birthday Benny. Yeah.

Anyway, any other notes? Okay, yeah. Well, I'm going to wrap this up. Yeah, yeah, birthday Benny. Yeah. Anyway, any other notes? Okay, yeah, I'm going to wrap this up. Yeah, go ahead. I love seeing Ben

be this excited. It's grinning. We made Ben listen to 30 episodes of us talking about the prequels. Just to be clear. Like,

yeah. 32 maybe. A lot. It was ridiculous. Ben hates them. He also hated Robert Downey Jr.'s The Judge.

Which we also did a one-off episode. Oh my God. And then we did an episode on the three Fantastic Four movies and he didn't Ben hates them. He also hated Robert Downey Jr.'s The Judge. Which we also did a one-off episode. Oh, my God. Yeah. And then we did an episode on the three Fantastic Four movies, and he didn't even watch them. No, didn't even bother. But he likes this movie. Yeah.

It was great. Great. And you saw it with your pops, right? Mm-hmm. Pops Hosley, did he like it? Just you and Dad? Just me and Dad. Cool.

He was into it. He's a tough sell. Really? He's like a hardcore science fiction reader. Oh, okay. And so he was kind of just like, meh, I'm done with the whole trope kind of stuff. Not hard enough for him.

I want more interesting different worlds. Are you guys okay accepting that Star Wars is not sci-fi though? Oh, totally. It's a fantasy movie. It's a fantasy movie in space. Yeah. I agree. Yeah, I think people who try to evaluate it on that level

are asking for strife. What a miserable life you're leading. Yeah, tell your dad he lives a miserable life. I saw this movie with my mom. The third time I saw this movie, I saw it with my mom. And it was the second Star Wars movie she'd ever seen. And the first Star Wars movie she saw was Revenge of the Sith when she came to our live show. Weird.

Which doesn't really count because she didn't really watch the movie. And let's mention, because this is a big update since the last time we recorded. Your mom has framed the poster from our live show. Weird. Which doesn't really count because she didn't really watch the movie. And let's mention, because this is a big update since the last time we recorded, your mom has framed the poster from our live show. She did. It's hanging on my wall. She framed it.

It is. It's very nice. It's a Photoshop of David. It was a Christmas present for me. It's Anakin and Obi-Wan. I know. It's hanging on my wall now. She framed it for me.

I mean, she was like, it's just a target frame. Like, she was trying to, but, you know, it was nice of her. Oh, man, that reminds me of, like, this is another pre-episode one activity. you're about my age right you were about 12 or so yeah 13 13 yeah i uh had very very rudimentary uh photoshop availability um definitely took polaroid pictures

and in front of like what i thought was was a green screen and tried to drop myself into pictures from Star Wars. So you took Polaroid pictures in front of a green screen and you scanned these into your computer? Yeah, I had a scanner. And then tried to... Yeah, I tried to trim out the background and change the lighting. This was my first foray into Photoshop. Remember when you just had Photoshop and you were just sort of like,

well, what does this button do? You know, like, let's see what all this does. I just make everyone bald. That's what I would do. I thought that was funny. Cut off their hair. That is kind of funny. Yeah.

I love Photoshop. Ben, any more notes? Well, I don't like the calamari dude. Akbar? Yeah, you're not into Akbar. He's all right. He's a good guy. It's just, well, whatever.

We're not going to get into it. He does have a big head. He does have a big head. And he hates traps, Ben. You also hate traps. There's one thing you know about me. Very anti-trap. What's his line, though, in this one?

What does he say? Like, firepower. It'll be shielded from all firepower. I'm doing his slipper hand with my left hand right now. I honestly I missed his lines. You were just going like, yes, yes! And I was like, shut up, Griffin. That was after you'd interrupted me to tell me that Ken Lung

was in the movie when I already could see him. He was there. But at that point he was out of focus and I went, is that Ken Lung? Is that Ken Lung? I don't know, Griffin. Ken Lung is the ear guy. Ken Lung is just an actor. He the ear guy Ken Lung is just an actor He played Miles on Lost He plays like one of the guys in that control room

I didn't watch Lost I'll show you what he looks like I love Nyan Nym Nyan Nym Oh yes yes yes I like him Oh yeah he was in that one episode of the Sopranos Real good episode I was also happy to see that ear dude.

Yeah, he's back. Hell yeah. Is that the same guy? It's the same guy. Is it really? They got the same guy. I thought it was just a different species. Not only is it the same guy, it's the same actor.

Really? For Ackbar 2, they got the same actor. They're the same voice actors. Yeah, he's like 92. But yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, come on. Do you want to know something really sad about representation in movies? Go ahead.

Is that I thought that Nien Nub was Japanese when I was a kid. I'm half Japanese, and so I really liked him a lot because I was like, oh, it's a Japanese person. Wait, did you literally, did you just think he is Japanese or did you think like, this is kind of a stand-in for a Japanese character? I don't know what I thought exactly, but I was like, that was your mindset. Yeah, that's, yeah, that's the one that's like me.

You thought he was from his planet's Japan. Yeah, yeah, exactly. On a planet where his species was dominant, he was from that planet's Japan. I think there's one Asian pilot in Return of the Jedi, nothing more than that is, but there's one guy who dies, you know,

in this sort of, the wedge kind of battle group. He has a screaming death. Yes, he has a screaming death. I think he's in a Y-Wing. There's know in this sort of the wedge kind of battle group he has a screaming death yes he has a screaming death I think he's in a Y-Wing there's one in this there's an Asian woman

we were talking about how much we love B-Wings me and you big B-Wing fans love me a B-Wing there's no B-Wings in this movie Star Wars Rebels

which is the Disney XD animated show that I watch had a whole B-Wing episode recently about like the construction of the B-Wings oh that's for me

it's kind of a cool episode yeah I like B-Wings and I like the Slave 1 I It's kind of a cool episode. Yeah, I like B-Wings and I like the Slave 1. I think I like Vertical Ships because I just like think outside the box. Yeah, they're different. Yeah, it's cool. The B-Wings are cool. Hey, you know what I like? Shoot.

I like Star Wars. Great. Love Star Wars. Like I spent like three weeks like weighing all these things and thinking about my gripes and whatever, but now I'm here talking about it. It's like, oh my gosh, it's a movie where people go in spaceships and they hug each other and they fight and they kiss and they hang out.

They don't really kiss. They kiss. Who kisses? Han and Leia. Not in this one. No, they hug. I'm not saying this movie specifically. I'm saying Star Wars the saga has kissing in it.

There's a little bit of kissing. It happens enough. I don't like movies with no kissing. When I was a kid, I was not into the kissing. Always a fan of kissing. I'll brag about that. I was a fan of kissing from day one. Unless they were married. I thought that when you kissed

your bride was the first time you kissed your bride. Like the first time you were kissing the person. See, I think that's very interesting because the movies that girls are into at that age are very, like a kiss is the thing that happens and then you get married. But you do it when you're not married. You do.

There's one. Right. That's how you tell that you're going to get married to somebody. For some, I guess I thought, like, that was why they made such a big deal about it in the wedding. Like, you can kiss the bride where it's like, you can now kiss the bride. Final. Yeah, exactly.

Anyway. Any other? Okay. One last thing. One last thing. Okay. Lionel. Yeah, exactly. Anyway. Any other? Okay, one last thing. One last thing. All right. So what's the, it looks like Hoth, but it's the snow. Starkiller base. Starkiller base.

All right. Grinning from ear to ear, Ben. I'm just going to say, me, I feel like they could have made some changes, right? A lot of changes with this movie. Constructive criticism. You know? Yeah, just saying. they could have made some changes, right? A lot of changes with this movie. Constructive criticism. You know? Yeah, just saying. We could have.

I don't think it should always be a good versus evil kind of thing. I think there should be a lot of different players involved. We want some true detective in your show. Make it like a real thing. Maybe some drone shots of Coruscant? Well, that's what we're saying. We want the underworld show. Shades of Grey.

You want Shades of Grey, man. Nobody liked my drone shots of Coruscant joke. It was a great true detective joke. You want to see some third parties coming in. That's just one suggestion, okay? But here, this is the thing I feel very passionate about. In particular, the Starkiller planet. I've seen a snow planet before.

I want to see a rain planet. Ah, well, Kamino is the rain planet. Kamino. Remember Kamino? Do you know much? No, I don't. It's in the second movie. It's the one where he has the fight with Jango Fett.

It's just raining outside. It's Waterworld if it was raining all the time. It's like all water. I actually kind of like Kamino a lot. Kamino gives me the creeps. Kamino's weird. The people who live there look scary. Ben, I still love Kamino. Oh, you think the Kamino ones are scary? I think it looks fun.

I like 80s as a fashion aesthetic. Yeah. It's got a great cast that builds up. Wait, what are you guys talking about? What are you guys

talking about? Nothing. Are you talking about the fucking X-Men movie? No, we're not. No, we're not. Let Ben and I be friends. You guys can be friends.

Cool. X-Men, love it. Great. I don't care about this new movie. We all love Famke Janssen. Love Famke Janssen. Famke Janssen. new movie. We all love Famke Janssen. Famke Janssen.

Famke Janssen. I like the first two X-Men movies. Agreed. I like First Class. I like First Class okay. I like it a lot. A Days of Future Past I don't remember at all but I remember it had a couple things in it. It's bad. Had fun while watching it. Yeah. It's a bummer though.

It's a bummer. There Yeah. It's a bummer. There's like so many characters have nothing to do in that movie. Right. And the whole movie is them just like fixing Brett Ratner's movie, which it's funny that they needed a whole movie to undo Brett Ratner's movie. Yeah. Like that is amusing. That amuses David Sims right over here.

But still, it's not really worthy of, yeah, Art, go ahead. But I think we should wrap this up. So I just want to finish my point. All right, listen, all right, so there's a rain planet. But anyway, what I wanted to see, what I wanted to see, the animated series that we watched. Yeah, the Jenny Tartatossi Clone Wars. Do you remember that fight scene with the rain?

With the rain. Oh, the one with Anakin and Asajj Ventress on top of it? Oh, yeah, sure, sure. That was really cool. So what I wanted to see at the end was a good wet fight scene. This is another one of Ben's sticky points. Yeah, he likes things that are wet. Wet fight, wet fight.

Ben created three original characters for Star Wars, right? A wet fight scene would be cool because they could fizz off of the lightsaber. It could be like when you have a... Well, they did that. That happened with the snow. That's what happened in the end.

It happened with the snow, which was cool. Which is really, really cool. Water's happening all the time. What do you guys think of snow, which was cool. Which is really, really cool. What do you guys think of a lightsaber fight? I liked it. I think it's better every time I see it. It's pretty intense. Yeah.

And I like that it's kind of raw because obviously one half doesn't know how to do anything anyway. Like they're just sort of. And the other like made this janky ass lightsaber. He made a weird lightsaber. He's been shot in the side and he keeps whacking himself. Yeah. Which me and Griffin were into when we were little kids. He was a very Adam Driver. Very Adam Driver.

That is a very Adam Driver little bit of detail there. But that's like a real actor moment that we didn't get at all in the prequels. Oh, yeah. That's like an actor making a choice. That is the biggest, that is the single biggest difference between the prequels and this and camera work. Camera work and acting. Yes.

Acting is actually somewhat human in these movies. I'd say it's very human in this movie. Agreed. And Emily, that is a perfect transition to what I think will be the final segment on this episode. This was a really loose, unstructured episode, but I think this was fun. I think it was a fun talk. I don't know. Do you have a fun talk, Emily? Yeah, yeah. I feel like there are five points I never got

to make, but I don't remember what they are now. Come on, let's keep making points. We might have to do The Force Reawakens Reawakens. Oh, did you see somebody on, like, I want to say Slash Film today, but I could be wrong. Oh, he was saying, when does The Force Awaken? When exactly does The Force Awaken? He was trying to pinpoint it.

You know what? I didn't even finish that article. I was like, oh, good headline. And I read one paragraph into it and I was like, I bet I could think about this. I'd rather eat a fart than read that article. That I bet I could think about this I'd rather eat a fart than read that article boom I'd rather eat a fart David

that is one thing that annoyed me in the initial wave of like why is May so good at stuff where it's like it's called The Force Awakens the whole idea is that people are suddenly kind of like cause Finn snaps out of it you know like and that's sort of unexplained but the idea is like shit shit's suddenly happening again. Yeah.

And that's like, why everyone's like, well, why is R2 in sleep mode and he wakes up? Because it's time to wake up. Because R2-D2 awakens. Yeah,

they're waking up. Everyone's waking up. I don't like that part. I have no problem with the wake up. What if it was called Star Wars R2-D2 awakens? That'd be great if it was called

Star Wars R2-D2 awakens. David, hit me. I hit you with two of my fingers. You big finger. Do you need, do you need R2-D2 and C-3PO in the movies anymore at this point? I enjoyed the 3PO, like the two minutes of 3PO.

I enjoy him and I liked that he was into his red arm. And very into kind of explaining but not explaining it. No, I didn't want to explain it at all. I just wanted him to say like. I don't care. No, I just like that he was like, you probably didn't notice me because of the red arm. That just amuses me. Yeah, me yeah yeah he thinks anyone would care um i don't think i need them in the movies because bbh has been passed yeah right yeah no i feel the same way i mean i

love them absolutely zero knocks to see three people on r2d2 like took me through a lot of important moments of my childhood but bb8 is great bb BB-8 got this. BB-8 got this. Really got this. Where is BB-8 when the movie ends? Because R2 goes with... He's on the ship with Rey. He's on the ship with Rey? Okay, okay. Rey, Chewie, and BB-8. Basically the three best characters. It's arguable.

Best friends. So where is R2? He's just still back at the... I think he's back with Leia. Okay. Because I like the idea that 3PO just chills with Leia. That it's kind of like an old dog that sort of just stays with its master. The old robot butler.

He's just like, can I help? And she's always sort of like yeah, you know, sure. If it makes you feel useful, go for it. I remember the rain planet was the clone planet. Yeah, you got it. Okay, so final segment. Are there any other points, Emily?

Rattling around in your head? No, I can't think of anything. I'm sorry. No, it's okay. I just want to give you fair ground. You liked the movie. I did. I mean, I did. I think the repetition stuff is...

The sort of... Yeah. The motifs. I don't know that I will see it again because of that, like that in the theaters this round, although I do want to see a better projection of it because the last one I saw was in 3D without Maddie on it, and I almost lost my shit at this poor little mall in Federal Way, Washington.

Emily complained to a projectionist at her... I am one of those people. I know. I do that too. Emily complained to a projectionist. I am one of those people. I know. I do that too. I don't know what happens to me. I think it's because it's not even that the movie is expensive anymore. It's like... This is my time.

Well, it's not about me. It's about the art of movies. I want people to do it right, and I want people to see the movies the way that they were made to be seen, and oftentimes you already have a big knock going against you because it's in digital but then to not even mat it correctly I mean come on I'm sorry I like I got very heated I mean I think

you did the right thing yeah it's all green lights in this studio right now we're totally on your side here the worst one was when I complained about sound in American Hustle you complained about sound in American Hustle what was happening to the sound in American Hustle. You complained about sound in American Hustle? What was happening to the sound in American Hustle? It was just not loud at all. Well, that is annoying.

But then, of course, did you complain? Yeah, anyway, American Hustle is a piece of shit. I had to get on to our last segment because I am late for a rehearsal that's literally next door within the same complex that we are in right now. I have to pick up a side table. Where are you picking it up?

Whatever the neighborhood is that's like south of Park Slope. I don't know my way around this. South Slope? Like Greenwood Heights? Yeah, Greenwood Heights. Sunset Park, but probably Greenwood Heights. Final segment, two of the things,

regulars that we do on this show. Oh, we have to do a performance review. That's what we're going to do. We're going to go through and also talk about the billing order. So I'm just going to go through on the poster, okay? No, I got the billing order. I want to do it with,

is it the same as the poster order? Go right ahead. I just want to do this because this is the way it's credited in the end credits, you know, just because I think it's interesting. The billing order is crazy

in this movie. Right, okay. Yeah, Emily is looking at us like we're just like... You mean in the end credits? Yeah, the end credits. So the performance review we do is we go through the actors.

We're going to go through just the actors. Thumbs up, thumbs down. Solo card billing in the end credits. We're going to list on is we go through the actors. We're going to go through just the actors. Thumbs up, thumbs down. Solo card billing in the end credits. We're going to list it on the poster. This is the order they're billed in. We're going to discuss very quickly, quick takes on whether or not that billing order is just. But also you give a thumbs up.

Just Hollywood politics, man. That's what we're fucking talking about here. It's intense. It's intense. Open back the curtain, you know? Okay. Thumbs up, thumbs down. Pass, fail on each performance.

The billing order is salary order. I'm almost certain. 100%. Yeah. Okay, first billed, Harrison Ford. Pass. Thumbs up. Great performance.

So much better than he needed to be also. Yeah. Really, I think he brought it. I was very satisfied. You could call this movie Star Wars The Ford Awakens because for the first time he wasn't snoozing on camera. For the first time in Star Wars? In like 15 years. I think he's very good

in Morning Glory also. I think he should have been nominated for that. Mark Hamill as Luke Skywalker. Second build. Mark Hamill. I like his face. The faces he makes. So for our listeners, Mark Hamill played Luke Skywalker. I

mean, not enough information. Not enough to evaluate. I like the face he made. I think it's some really good face acting. I mean, not enough information. Not enough to evaluate. I like the face he made. I think it's some really good face acting. I like this. Oh, yeah. His hair looks so good. No, not his hair.

He does the movement. The movement was great, but also his hair looks really good. Emily, for the listeners, is mimicking him dropping his hood. He does a very dramatic, like, I like to do this now because I have a very big hood on my head. He like peels it off of his head. Peel it off, drop the hands down. And he doesn't even touch his hair. Yeah.

Like somehow, yeah. All right. Carrie Fisher is Princess Leia. Well, let's talk about, I just want to quickly say this. So Harrison Ford apparently got $20 million for the movie. Yeah, yeah. And I think Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher each got like, they said like three or five. Mark Hamill got $5 million to drop a hood.

Good job, buddy. Go get it, Mark. Yeah. Like that's cool. He's also going to have a lot to do in the next movie, obviously. I mean, they paid him to ensure that he stayed in the next movies. Nice day of work if you can get it, Meyer. Yeah. Like, that's cool. He's also going to have a lot to do in the next movie, obviously. I mean, they paid him to ensure that he stayed in the next movies. Yeah. But nice day of work if you can get it.

Carrie Fisher, third build, Princess Leia, massive thumbs up. Yeah, I loved her. Yeah, she's good. She's good. And also, for somebody who doesn't act much, really nice. Yeah, she hasn't done, like, a non-cameo. She's on this Bravo show. Isn't she?

Yes. Somebody can correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure she's on A Girlfriend's Guide to Divorce. Oh, good show.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. She is... Yeah, no, she's definitely in that. I saw the pile in the back. Okay, so what they call the legacy players

are billed first, right? And that's part of their contract stipulation. They get paid more. They were like the first announced too. Right. So Ford, Hamill, Fisher.

Yes, it should be Ford, Fisher, Hamill, whatever. Yes, it should be Ford, Fisher, Hamill, whatever. Fourth build, Adam Driver. Yeah, Adam Driver,

fourth build. Interesting billing order. Great performance. I give him a major thumbs up. I don't know how he feels. No, he's good. He's good.

I don't know about that billing order, but whatever. I think it's a salary thing. My guess is he's paid more. I'm interested though that Oscar Isaac didn't get paid more. I know. I guess this is's paid more. I'm interested, though, that Oscar Isaac didn't get paid more. I know. I guess. This is what I read.

I read that the only people who got in the millions were the three legacy actors, that Driver and Isaac got between $500,000 and a million, between $300,000 and $600,000, I think, as more established actors, and that Boyega and Daisy Ridley got $100,000. But I mean, it'll balloon, right? That's the whole thing. With bonuses and they get to make the other ones. Anyway, Daisy Ridley is Rey. Great.

Should be first. She's the lead of the movie. But even if you're going to put the legacy players first, she should be next after Adam Driver. It's true. But like a star-making performance. Yeah. What else? She's been in one other movie or something? She hasn't been in a movie. Not even. She was in one TV show. TV guest box.

She played like a corpse in a British TV show once. Mr. Selfridge, the Jeremy Piven show. Oh yes, that's right. And has done short films. An amazing debut. Very curious to see if she goes on to have a big career. I've read interviews recently where she said she wants to go back to college. She might just be a Star Wars actress. I don't know. But please call me if you want to get dinner.

John Boyega. What a guy. I think he's so wonderful. He's really, really wonderful. He also, I would say, is probably the MVP of the press tour. Oh, yeah. He's owning it. It's almost a little much.

It's getting into Aaron Paul territory a little bit. Good call. Although he doesn't say bitch as much as Aaron Paul does. That's a major, major plus. But also, better to get in Aaron Paul territory than Piven territory. Piven's the king of going way too far. Paul is like, it's starting to get annoying. Boyega's still charming.

No, he's still, he's very, very safe right now. I'm just saying like, another month of this, and I don't think there will be. No, he's very, very safe right now. I'm just saying another month of this and I don't think there will be. No, probably not. He'll probably dial it down. That's true. Maybe he'll do a whole China tour because it opens in China. But I love that he went to go see it at his local theater. My friend went to go see it at 34th Street

on the Saturday after it came out. He just was going around New York and being like, he apparently walked in and was like, yo, I just saw that Chipmunks movie. Like that was his opening joke for each theater. It's a really good film, Road Trip,

you should all see it. It's very much of a piece. Oscar Isaac as Poe Dameron. Can I make one point about Boyega first? Very quick. My former roommate, best friend,

Sophie Fader, who listens to the podcast, you know, shout out to Sophie, calls John Boyega and Daisy Ridley. She refers to the characters solely as,

I'm going to fuck this up, cutie pie and sweetie Heart, which I really like because she just thinks they're so adorable. They are very adorable. And we saw it together and she's going to go, what about the part where Cutie Pie says to Sweetie Heart? So Cutie Pie and Sweetie Heart are great. Oscar Isaac.

What a guy. Everybody's great. Can we just say everybody's really good in this movie? Everybody's a very good job. There's no thumbs down in this movie. Okay, one performance that I am not crazy about, would not say is bad, I'm not crazy about it. Lupita Nyong'o. Oh, no thumbs down in this movie. One performance that I am not crazy about, would not say is bad, I'm not crazy about it.

Lupita Nyong'o. Oh, no, I love her. I think she did a good job. Did you think it was Circus? Or did you think it was Max von Sydow? He doesn't like Circus. No, I thought it was Donald Gleeson. Oh, I liked him. I liked him mocking the Star Wars villain. I just think anybody

could have played that part, and I don't know what he did to distinguish it. We're discussing all three at once. Just make it clear. It's Lupita Nyong'o, Andy Serkis, Domino Gleeson. Each of us have one performance we're not crazy about. Yeah, I'm not into Serkis. Oh, I don't like Serkis, and I'm eh on Domino Gleeson.

Big on Lupita, though. I wanted someone who sounded older. I don't know if I'm being a stickler, but I think she's a great actress. Also sounded older by human standards. She's like a thousand-year-old crazy little Bjork alien. You're right. I'm feeling pretty pwned.

Totally. Circus, I think, is a good performance. I just hate the design of that character. He sucks. I do. I think he's great. I fucking hate Circus. I like that ham.

I don't like Andy Circus, guys. I like that family slice. How do you feel about Andy Circus? I think he's good as Gollum. Yeah, obviously. Caesar. My guy, Caesar. You know what?

I've never seen any of those movies. You know what? I love him so much. I see him, and I like him, and then they're just out. There's no emotion. See, I felt very emotionally moved by the Gollum performance, by the Gollum character. I like Gollum. I like that character.

The Return of the King has too much Gollum. That's the only thing. No, I can't have too much Gollum. Gollum's the best part. Gollum. I like that character. The Return of the King has too much Gollum. That's the only thing. No I can't have too much Gollum. Gollum's the best part. Gollum's one of my favorite movies. The Return of the King. A third of that movie is just them climbing up a mountain and it's whatever. I used to have a shelf in my bedroom that was just Gollum. I had like 18 different Gollums. That's a lot of

garbage. A lot of bullshit. Anthony Daniels next build. Yeah I mean I just his commitment. Good for him. You know, I was watching the Star Wars droids animated series, which is cute, if you guys ever want to watch it, which mocks the prequels. Droid Tales, you're talking about. The Lego one

I turned you on to. Makes a lot of the jokes that we make. Yeah, I know. Maybe it was cribbing from this podcast. Anthony Daniels, I think, is the only Star Wars voice who actually did the work. He'll always be C-3PO. Whose voice is Obi-Wan in Clone Wars? It's whoever it is.

Yeah, he's a voice actor. He does a lot of stuff. I'm forgetting his name now. I'm finding it. I'm finding it. If I am not mistaken, I believe Anthony Daniels has never not played C-3PO, including commercials and stuff. He'll show up. And there was a New York Magazine profile on him that was really interesting

that talked about how big his house was and whatever and said that he had tried getting some other parts after the original Star Wars, and then since 1984 has done nothing but play C-3PO in every incarnation. Wow. He owns like five houses. His name is James Arnold Taylor,

and he's just a voiceover actor. He was in Final Fantasy X. Oh, I didn't play that one. Next build, Peter Mayhew. A little controversial because I think he's only in suit for like 10% of the movie. Oh, really? Yeah, there was an interview that came out today. Mayhew's legs don't work anymore.

And so he's playing Chewbacca whenever Chewbacca is sitting down. And there's a 6'11 banker from Finland who played a Chewbacca for the rest of the movie. But it's a nice tip of the hat. Yeah. And Max von Saito. I like him actually. Who is anti-Saito? No, I'm not anti-Saito. For some reason I thought you

would be because you didn't love the character. He's one of the finest actors of all time. He's a little distracting because you're like, whoa! He's Max von Saito. Yeah, yeah. And then he's gone. But when I watched it the second, the first time, I was just like, hmm. The second and third time, he nails the scene with Kylo Ren. Yes, he does. Good scene.

Yeah. He's like, something far worse has happened to you. I'm doing a pretty good Max von Sydow. That's pretty good. That's really good, actually. That's pretty good. I'll say two things. One, I heard a rumor that that was originally written to be Wedge and Tilly's.

That the actor, Jeremy Lawson, didn't want to do it. Dennis Lawson, sorry. He said in an interview, like, I have no interest in doing that. Which is interesting. He did all three original movies. Yeah. Isn't he Ewan McGregor's uncle? Yes.

Yes, he is. He's also in the superb BBC miniseries. He's the lead of the superb BBC miniseries, Bleak House, which is the greatest Dickens adaptation ever committed to television. Is that the one with Gillian Anderson? With Gillian Anderson

that was filmed in half-hour episodes that aired every single day like a soap opera. The only time Dickens has been nailed because of that. It's supposed to be a serial. That's how you should watch. Yes.

And he's the lead of it along with Gillian Anderson and he's real good. New X-Files. The X-Files? He's on the X-F. That's how you should watch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. And he's the lead of it along with Gillian Anderson and he's real good. New X-Files. The X-Files? He's on the X-Files? New X-Files. There's going to be New X-Files.

Oh, New X-Files. Very excited about it. This is a true fact. I think that Max von Sydow is a little distracting in the film. I think he does an excellent job. Great job. Hearing the Wedge Antilles thing,

that makes a lot of sense because it feels like they just bring a character in with some sense of established history and relationship and then kill him off. I would like for in future films, especially spinoff movies,

if they're set in earlier times, to do young Laura Santaka stuff so we can have more of a relationship to that character. I also wish, this is just me being a stickler about Billing Order, but I know you're one of the few people who could relate to this. I love Billing Order.

If it had not been a well-known actor like Max von Sydow, if it had been Dennis Lawson, who probably would have not commanded a and billing. Go on. He could have done a billing where it was Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, Adam Driver, Daisy Ridley, and Mark Hamill. Sure. Which that's what he really deserves is and Mark Hamill. They were never going to bump him down that far.

I think. That's a big. But the answer is. What he deserves is the rare featuring, to be honest. There should be a with Lupita. Special appearance by. And Max, and then special appearance or whatever, which the Lord of the Rings movies would always bust out

because they had too many famous guys. I have to go to rehearsal next door. Emily's got to go. I've got to get this table. I've got nothing, but you know. I want to do one thing. I feel like if we could end the episode this way, I'd like to announce what our next miniseries is.

I think now's the time to do it because we're really locked into it. We're locked in. I think we might do one more one-off next week. Maybe. Maybe we should just dive in, though. We're debating. Yeah.

But we can formally announce now. Blank check, colon, with Griffin David, colon, we'll present our next miniseries, PCAST Shyamalan. Wait, what is it called? It's called PCAST Shyamalan. No, it's not called that. But it is about M. Night Shyamalan. It's called PCAST Shyamalan. I've already started working on the Photoshop. It's locked in. It's called PCAST Shyamalan. No, it's not called that. But it is about M. Night Shyamalan. It's called P-Cast Shyamalan. I've already started working on the Photoshop.

It's locked in. It's called P-Cast Shyamalan. It's going to be a 10-part miniseries where we go through one by one the films of M. Night Shyamalan. And in our class of investigative style, hard-hitting journalism, we try to figure out, is M. Night Shyamalan a good filmmaker? Sure. Is it possible he's a good filmmaker even if the majority of his films are bad?

And maybe reassess whether all those films are bad. Yeah. We're very fascinated by him. So, P. Cash Shyamalan, coming your way. Maybe a one-off, maybe not. Emily, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me. Emily, it was a delight to have you on the podcast.

Anything you want to plug specifically? I don't know. We're good at a website called TheVerge.com. I never write anything on it, but I have a, I don't know when We're good at a website called TheVerge.com. I never write anything on it, but I have an I don't know when this goes up, but I did a review of The Forest starring Natalie Dormer. Japanese? White people go to the

Japanese Suicide Forest movies? It is bad! Oh, that is not surprising. It's not a good movie. And now I've seen both of them. I've seen Sea of Trees. Which one's better? Good question. You were telling me how badly Sea of Trees got booed at the Cannes Festival. Yeah, it got booed at like every single screening.

That's a Gus Van Sant pick. It is. Yeah. So yeah, Forest or... I'd rather watch The Forest again if I had to pick one. Is The Forest like a tight like 85 minute like sort of silly little thing? It's a trifle. It's a trifle.

It's a bonbon. It's real bad. We'll read that review. Follow Emily on Twitter. Emily Yoshida. She's got a little boo avatar. I'm a little scared boo. Yeah, that's my story.

I'm sticking to it. And you have a podcast, sort of? I do. Oh, that's what I should actually plug. Yeah, so I have a podcast that I host with the Verge science editor Liz Lopato it's called ESP which stands for entertainment and science podcast and it has been on hiatus

for the last month plus but we are coming back with a vengeance next week the 15th I believe and we were bi-weekly but now we're going to be every week talking about weird science stuff and interesting art and entertainment stuff.

Listen to all our other UCB comedy brethren podcasts. Rate, review, subscribe to those shows, but to our show as well. Thank you for listening. Stay tuned. We're really excited about 2016. We've got a lot of stuff in store for you.

And as always, the official name of our next miniseries, I've legally trademarked it, is PCAST Shyamal. Bye, folks. I'll cut that out.