Blank Check with Griffin & David - The Podcast Strikes Back

Episode Date: December 14, 2015

This week, Griffin and David move onto the 1980 film Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back. Together, they discuss the sexual tension between Han Solo and Princess Leia, Vadar as a dad, C-3PO’s charm, Billy Dee Williams’ portrayal of the very sleazy Lando Calrissian and so much more! Also, this is G & D fans last chance to submit your suggestions and receive your Griffmas cards! Email us at: [e-mail]

🎵 Hello! I know. Oh, I see what you did there. You see what I did? Hey, Griffin. Hey, David. How are we doing?

I think I'm doing great. A little loopy. I'm a little loopy. I also, I thought there was a gas leak in my apartment, and I came here feeling pretty lightheaded, and I just got an email from my landlord telling me that it was just welding that was happening, making a terrible odor. So I'm still feeling loopy, but now I'm relieved. Important information.

Thank you for that information. Welcome to The Podcast Strikes Back. We're striking back, motherfuckers! All right. Griffin Day Presents The Podcast Strikes Back. present the podcast Strikes Back. We started this podcasting franchise

out as an exploration of Star Wars Episode One The Phantom Master George Lucas film. This is true. We then found out there was a second

film. Whoa. Attack the Clones. Huh. The Clones attacked. OK. Well let's close the book.

Wait what. There's another chapter. Revenge of the Sith. Revenge of the Sith. The Sith are getting revenge. We were sure.

They never say the word Sith in these original movies. No, not at all. They say it a lot in the original movies. The sequel trilogy, they don't say it at all. We were sure that the book was closed. Then he took a new volume off the shelf, Georgie, and he went, guess what? I made these in the 70s. Crazy.

I worked on them. I tinkered on them for decades. 70s and 80s. Right. And then, yeah, this one came out in 1980. And then. So last week, came out in 1980. And then... So last week, we talked about Star Wars Episode IV, New Hope. Yeah.

Boom. On an episode called A New Podcast. Yeah. It's a classic. The Library of Congress is already constructing a whole wing around it. Unbelievable that we didn't even know about it. It's really stupid. I hate bits.

Me too. Empire Strikes Back. Empire Strikes Back. And here's, I just want to do a little announcement here. Little announcement. Ooh. As you may or may not know, we didn't know, there is a new Star Wars movie coming out. J.J. Abrams directed.

The Force Awakens. Episode seven. So I guess in episode six, the Force is going to take a nap. Fall asleep. It's going to at least take a nap. Okay. We have bought our tickets. Episode 7. So I guess in episode 6 the Force is gonna fall asleep. At least take a nap. Okay. We have bought our tickets. We have. I had to return my tickets for Alvin the Chipmunks

for the road trip. Yeah. Because they both come out on the same night. It's fine. I'll go see it the next day. It's fine. I got a good secondary market price for it too because I had like IMAX opening night. Imagine if there was an IMAX that was showing the road trip. Any IMAX screen in this country. Yeah there was I had I had like IMAX opening night. Imagine if there was an IMAX that was showing the road trip. Any IMAX screen.

Yeah, there was. There was. Yes. No, there was. I was going to New Brunswick to see the road trip and IMAX and I sold my tickets for a good price because it was sold out screening. And we're going to see Star Wars The Force Awakens on December 17th. Whoa.

The next morning we're going to wake up, come here, record an episode. Whoa. The next morning, we're going to wake up, come here, record an episode. Whoa. Now, we want to get that episode out to you folks. We don't want it sitting on a shelf because this is going to be some hot takes. Hot and fresh takes. I'm wiping off the sweat of the hot take. So what does that mean? That means that with the schedule we have right now to make sure that we watch these movies properly.

Yeah. Cover them properly. And then get out the episode seven in time. Guess what? It's a pre-Christmas miracle. It's a twofer. You got two episodes coming down the pike this week. Wow.

So right now, this is your normal Monday episode. And then coming later this week, at a day of the week we have not decided yet. Yeah, at some point. You will get- Probably like a Thursday. Return of the podcast. Wednesday or a Thursdayursday right benny let's say thursday so check that feed you're gonna have today if you're listening to this right off the presses the podcast strikes back later in the week return of the podcast and then the following monday on our normal day

the podcast awakens might be a a Christmas special in there too. Why am I saying might? Why play coy? There's going to be a Christmas special. The podcast holiday special is going to happen. And then we're never going

to talk about Star Wars ever again. Now, if you asked me two weeks ago, I would have gone good riddance. Don't need to talk about these movies

ever again. Holy shit. Little did we know. This movie's crazy. David, this movie is really good right Is amazing Here's the weird thing about it

Yeah George Lucas didn't make it Okay now this is huge This movie's called Star Wars Episode 5 The Empire Strikes Back Cool title It's directed by a motherfucker

Called Irving Kirshner Director of Spies The director of Robocop 2 I mean Here's the thing I love Robocop Robocop is probably My favorite sci-fi movie Of all time It's probably my Fourth favorite movie ever Robocop's the thing I love Robocop Robocop is probably my favorite sci-fi

movie of all time it's probably my fourth favorite movie ever Robocop's the best it's the best it's not my favorite sci-fi movie of all time that's crazy

but it is awesome well the only reason I put it lower is whether or not you know it's hard sci-fi or whatever but Robocop there are three movies

in history I like more than Robocop wait what are they yeah Toy Story 2. You're so weird. Rushmore. And Rob Raltman's

Brewster McCloud. You're so fucking weird. Yeah, I'm a weirdo. Go on. Not necessarily in that order, but those four films along with Sidney Lumet's The Wiz

probably comprise my top five favorite movies of all time. Interesting. Robocop is my number two film of 1987. What's number one? Broadcast News.

Get the fuck out of here. I love Broadcast News too. That's maybe 15 on my list, on my all-timer list. Anyway, Robocop 2, I hate. I have never been able to watch- Robocop 2 is dog shit. All the way through. It's garbage.

So if you said to me, oh, guess what? The director of Never Say Never Again and Robocop 2 made a Star Wars movie. Oh, so I loved Robocop and then he took Robocop and turned it into that? I finally liked a Star Wars movie. The director of The Flim Flam Man and The Return of a Man Called Horse. You give me- These are films that he made. A real Star Wars movie for once and you're going to tell me that you're going to hand that movie retroactively to the guy who directed Robocop 2.

You're going to hand him retroactively a Star Wars movie episode 5 after the first one that worked? I would say go take a hike. Suck a lemon. Sit on it. Here's the premise of Return of a Man Called Horse, which came out in 1976, one year before Star Wars. The English gentleman known as Horse returns to the American West to save his adopted Indian tribe from extinction. So there you go.

This is an interesting... That's the movie he made before... No, actually, he made Eyes of Lord Mars, which is actually a really good movie. Oh, that movie's good. I didn't know he directed that. Oh, really? It's his best non-Empire a really good movie. Oh, that movie's good. I didn't know he directed that. Oh, really? It's his best non-Empire Strikes Back movie.

Well, that's the important point here. Fucking Kirsch. I love him. He hit it out of the park. But he destroyed this movie. It's amazing. Now, George definitely has a lot of influence on it. It's not like he just handed over the reins to someone else.

That is true, but George Lucas is not even credited as writing the screenplay. He has a story credit. He has a story credit. He has a story credit. Do you know what I would compare it to? Please, go ahead. I would say that George kind of functioned as the showrunner. Yeah, it's sort of like with Clone Wars. He stepped back from the franchise so he could oversee the bigger picture thing.

I think he also became very, very involved in merchandising. Yes. As we had not touched on in Star Wars because we just didn't have the time last week, but that movie was basically

like the beginning of the whole merchandising thing. You can't even do a merchandise spotlight because there's too much. It's too much. George had,

as like a sort of sneaky little clause in his contract, total control over the merchandising. Do you know what the exact contract was? Go ahead.

This is one of the smartest businesses in history. The film was released and owned by 20th Century Fox. Right. So, George Lucas wanted to make Star Wars. Everyone was like, you lunatic. Yeah, people were not into it. He had made two movies. He'd made American

Graffiti. But even pre-American Graffiti, he was pitching Star Wars. And have you seen some of the early pitches for this thing? It's demented. Incomprehensible. Yeah. Incomprehensible. With the help of a woman named Marsha Lucas, who was his wife, she kind of went, George,

what are you actually trying to get out here? Helped streamline a lot of it. Finally, they went to 20th Century Fox. Alan Ladd, who is notably a very outside the box thinker for a major studio head, just went, I don't know if this thing makes any sense, but I loved American Graffiti. I think this is a guy worth batting on.

Now, just really important context. Within the same year or the year before, Robert Altman is picked up in a town car to go to the airport to fly to New York. Where's this going?

This is important, I think. Go on. And he's talking to his driver, and he's like, I had this really weird dream last night. It was like a woman, and then another woman. The one woman was in the pool, and then the other woman saved her.

And then the woman flipped, and he was trying to explain the dream, and he couldn't really remember it totally. And they were driving to the airport, and they drove past the 20th Century Fox lot. And he was like, how much time do we have until the flight? He was like, an hour, an hour and 15 minutes. Would you mind pulling in here? I'll just be like 10 minutes. Ronald gets out of the car. He's gone for like 10, 15 minutes. He comes back in. He's like, okay hour hour 15 he's like would you mind pulling in here i'll just be like 10 minutes robert only gets out of the car he's gone for like 10 15 minutes he comes back in he's like okay i sold it to fox okay they're like what and he was like yeah the dream i was just describing

i went to alan ladd and i pitched it to him and he gave me a green light and that was uh three win great movie my point is that alan ladd was that outside the box robert altman could come into his office and pitch a dream on the way to the airport and give it a budget, right? And so Star Wars, which now looks like what is mostly populating the film landscape. Yeah, Star Wars is basically copied by every movie.

But at the time was viewed as a big risk. Everyone else passed on it and Alan Ladd was like, eh, green little Robert Altman dream. Why not green light this? American Graffiti was a big hit. The guy has a track record. Sounds interesting. Sounds different. We should say, by the way, I think this American Graffiti was a big hit the guy has a track record sounds interesting sounds different we should say by the way I think green lighting three women was a financially ruinous decision by Alan Lass yeah but guess what Star Wars fucking movie the same year I believe both were 1977 uh that's probably true but I'm so I don't know if one started production earlier than the other because Star Wars probably

had a longer lead time but they were like right around the same time which is why I want to tell that story also I think that's like the funniest story in the world that he pitched a dream on the way to the airport and the movie is wonderful but also like it's a bit great yeah let's get back to the Empire Strikes Back because I want to point out who wrote this movie well Ellen Ladd okay gives the green light to Star Wars yeah but they didn't want to give him the budget they want the budget was so huge because all the things you want to realize. Oh, right. We're on the merchandising.

Right, right, right. So George Lucas had a pretty high quote at that point because American Graffiti was huge. He was an Oscar nominee. He was an Oscar nominee. Two categories. Huge, right? So he goes, okay, I'll waive my director's fee. Yeah, don't pay me.

Don't pay me, period. We can put that back into the budget of the film, production budget. In exchange, I in perpetuity own the rights. To the sequels? And the merchandising. Yep. Pretty good. Fucking amazing. Well, I think because back then it was like merchandising.

What, like posters? Sequels? You think you're going to make a sequel to this thing? Yeah, I'm like, all right, well, fine. You can have that shit. That's the last time that deal was ever made. Yep. No one will ever get a deal like that.

No. Now the studio's like, yeah. Ever again. Ever again. Good job, Georgie. Great job, Georgie. So he's the producer of Empire. This is an almost independent film.

Story by George Lucas. Yes. He has the story. He has the idea. It's written up by Lee Brackett. Who I believe was an older woman. No, she was like, yeah, a 60 year old woman who had written like The Big Sleep, Rio Bravo, all these old noir movies. But she got sick or died during writing, right?

She died in 1978. Wow. I think she got too sick to finish it, so she, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, she died, 1978. Wow. I think she got too sick to finish it. So she, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, she died. You're right. He hired her in 1977 after the movie came out and she died. Yeah, I mean, she definitely wrote a script and died of cancer. Yeah.

But it does seem like a lot of the script is, you know, Lawrence cast. Now, this was his first produced screenplay. That sounds right. He was a young buck. He'd been writing a lot of stuff. A couple of his specs had been traveling around town. That's first produced screenplay. That sounds right. He was a young buck. He'd been writing a lot of stuff. A couple of his specs had been traveling around town. That's his first screenplay. Yeah. He had a lot of heat. His second screenplay is a little film called Raiders of the

Lost Ark. Yeah. Guy came out of the gate strong and then finally got to make these small white people domestic dramas that he wanted to. Domestic dramedies. Yeah. What's the best Lawrence Caston movie that he directed in your opinion? Is it The Big Chill? Oh no it's Body Heat. Yeah. It's Body Heat. No question. Accidental directed, in your opinion? Body Heat. Is it The Big Chill? Oh, no, it's Body Heat.

Yeah, it's Body Heat. No question. Accidental Tourist is good, too. His 80s career is great, and then his 90s career is not great. His 2000s career is abysmal. Well, his 2000s career is Dreamcatcher. Mumford. Mumford's actually 99. What about-

Darling Companion. Have you seen Darling Companion? I have not. I can't tell you how much I hate that movie. Here's a story I've never told you before. During a real, real, like, dry period in my career, I was trying to get work as a film critic writing for websites. Oh, really?

Yeah, and so I got, like, a connection, and I got into a screening of Darling Companion. That was my first assignment, was to write a review of Darling Companion, and I couldn't do it. Who was it for? Some website. Okay.

That I couldn't even tell you the name of. I remember going to check in at the screening, and I couldn't remember it. Who was it for? Some website. Okay. That I couldn't even tell you the name of. I remember going to check in at the screening and I couldn't remember the name of the people who had hired me to do it. Wow. And I just never sent in my review. And that was that. Because I was like,

all I want to do is just write for seven pages how much I hate this movie. But not in a constructive way. The internet. I realized, well, and then I got into this whole thing of like, I know how hard it is to make a movie. Isn't it a little worrying that Lawrence Kasdan's last three screenwriting credits are Dream

Catcher, Darling Companion, and Star Wars The Force Awakens? Yeah. Or are we going to be okay? I think we're going to be okay. Okay. But let's talk about the movie at hand. George Lucas steps back. The Empire strikes back.

George Lucas is looking at the larger picture. Nice work, David. Really good job. Really good job. We're all so proud of you. George Lucas steps back, sort of functions as a showrunner. Goes, here's where I want the story to go. I think he's plotting multiple movies at once.

He starts going, okay, we're going to do these movies, then we're going to go back and do episode one, two, and three so that everyone can wait and not watch these movies until one, two, and three come out, and then watch these movies. Of course, an order that makes a ton of sense, and then all the merchandising. So I think he has a heavy hand over this. I think he's on set all the time. But much like in TV, you hire a director to actually do the directing on the day.

You hire a writer to execute the story that you have broken. And, God, these two people fill in a lot of George's weak spots. Might be the best directed film of the series so far. It might be. Do we want to... Should we save this for the end of the episode or should we get this out right now? Do you like this more or less than A New Hope? I like it more.

I like it less. Yeah, I like it more. I think it's great. There's something about the newness, no pun intended, of A New Hope, and I like how tight it intended, of A New Hope. And I like how tight it is, how contained it is. But it's definitely, this is the most mature Star Wars movie we've seen so far.

Irving Kershaw is much more of an actor's director. This movie is incredible. It's incredible. And we're about to get into how incredible it is. But he gets nuanced performances out and Lawrence Kasdan is so good at dialogue. You know? This movie has a lot of humanity to it. There's a lot of humor.

There's a lot of bleak sort of like, you know, reckoning going on. But through humor and through banter and through it's the best movie. Less to be said, a lot of romance too. Let's get straight into it. Of course, with the opinions of someone who has spoken on Mike but has not been introduced formally.

Oh, my God. Who's that in the corner? We were too excited to introduce him. Peep in a way. Peep in a way. He's peeping us. Oh, he's raising his eyebrows. He's raising his eyebrows.

It's quite handsome. For once, not Scarlet with anger. Scarlet with joy. Opposite, yes. I'm excited. Purdue or Ben? A.K.A. Ben Dusser. A.K.A. The Haas. finger he's he's scarlet with joy opposite yes i'm excited producer ben aka ben deucer aka the haas aka the poet laureate aka hello fennel aka the peeper aka birthday benny aka old ben kenobi old producer ben kenobi it's ben hosley motherfuckers there he is hey guys the producer of this podcast that's's right. Guys.

Outspoken fan of Empire Strikes Back. I'm going to read you... It's the best. It's my favorite, actually. Really? I think. I think it might be my favorite. I believe it. I'm going to read you the opening crawl to Empire Strikes Back. Great. It is a dark time for the rebellion. Although the Death Star has been

destroyed previously on, Imperial troops have driven the Rebel forces from their hidden base and pursued them across the galaxy. Ooh, that's scary. A little bit of time has passed. They've been rooted out of that moon base, I guess, on Yavin. They're on the run. Evading the dreaded Imperial Starfleet,

a group of freedom fighters led by Luke Skywalker That's my boy. has established a new secret base on the remote ice world of Hoth. Oh, man. Love this world. The evil Lord Darth Vader, obsessed with finding young Skywalker, has

dispatched thousands of remote probes into the far reaches of space. A little bit of a soft ending to that one there. Oh no no probes yeah yeah anyway

this takes place three years after Star Wars now I don't know if you've been reading Marvel comics the Star Wars stuff yeah I actually haven't

I've been getting into it right now I hear they're good yeah because now they're all under the Disney family and they've been doing new comic books

that are officially considered part of canon. Yes. And so a lot of mini series but the main series which is just called Star Wars and is an ongoing

comic book series Yes. is takes place in between A New Hope and Empire Strikes Back. I had no idea. Crazy.

That's what the main series is filling in that time. There was a Princess Leia mini series. Okay. There's a Darth Vader that's ongoing. Okay.

There was a trade paperback called Shattered Empire That takes place after In between episode 6 and 7 Okay I was wondering if there was any of that stuff Yeah there's one but the main ongoing story The one main Titular Star Wars series

They got a Chewbacca series I think they just started a Lando series I haven't caught up with those yet Lando we're gonna talk about it up with those yet. Lando. We're going to talk about it. We're going to talk about that guy. Willie D. Billiams. Willie, I told you that.

Yeah, you told me that. Who is that? That's John Bander. John Bander. Who's a great comedian, a comedic actor. You can see him at the UCB theater

on the character's welcome team. I think once a month on Mondays. He does a sketch. I don't know if he still does it, but he does a sketch. I just got to give him props here. No, it's so good. Where he's a guy, like a Hollywood schmoozer dropping names. And the bit is that he flips the name. Anyone he calls Will Smith, Bill Smith. And he calls Bill Cosby, Will Cosby. Yeah. He just flips that to make it always sound like

he's closer with them. And the thing just keeps on building and building. It's the same joke, but he just keeps on doing it. Every time he says a name, they project the face of the person. And it builds up to him going, and who walked in? Would you believe it? None other than Willie D. Billiams. And the whole bit is just so he can get to that joke. And it's so worth it.

It's a great, great thing. John Banner is great. Look at John Banner. There's no way he listens to this podcast. And now we've just spent two minutes talking about how great he is. This movie begins on the ice planet of Hoth.

Oh, there was something important I wanted to say about the comic books. Oh, fine. Yeah, go ahead. Because this is now considered part of canon. A lot of the expanded universe was wiped out when Disney bought the comic books. So what happens to the comic books?

Because it takes place in the main stretch here, and I know this is implied, but the comic books are really fleshing this out. Darth Vader has no idea who blew up the Death Star. Interesting. So it's not even that he's now seen... Right, because why would they? They just know some rebels do it, right? Right. Yeah.

So he's seen Luke Skywalker, but doesn't know that's his son. And he chased down Luke in the ship and said like the force is strong with this one but he didn't know who it was. He doesn't know that that's the guy. Right. The pilot who actually blew up the Death Star. Right. So I think that's big.

The comic books have like that was always sort of implied but the comic books have really highlighted that in a way that I think is interesting. And watching this movie through that prism as the point here he. Like, he doesn't know who the fuck blew this up, but he wants to find that asshole and take him down. And Luke Skywalker is now in deep with the Rebel Alliance. Right. He's not just some kid weekend warrior, let me fly a ship. He blew up the Death Star.

Yeah, and he's like, you know, not just going like, okay, let me rest on my laurels, let me get a corner office. He's out there in the front lines doing it. So this movie starts, Ice Planet. Hoth. We see a main ship. Oh, it's a classic opening Star Wars shot. Yeah, we see the Star Destroyer. From underneath, the Star Destroyer

comes out. It shoots out a thing. It shoots a probe droid and it lands on Hoth. Probe droid goes, flies around. This thing is so cool. It looks like a jellyfish. Yeah, it's like a metal squid. It's like It's so cool. It has a weird noise where it's like And it's like looking and then we see the snow. It's all white and then we see like, how would you even describe this animal?

It's called a Tauntaun. It's kind of like a ram. It has like weird ram horns. But then it's built a little like a kangaroo. Yeah, it looks like a kangaroo body. Right. It runs in this kind of herky-jerky motion because it's sort of a stop motion creation. Curly gray fur.

And it's like, I don't know, I can't do it. He's like the new Booga. No, he's better than Booga. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. He's not some bullshit. I don't say that. I will concede that I like this Tauntaun

better than Booga. Don't, David, don't say that. This is a positive podcast. We finally found a movie we liked. We're on two movies in a row that we like. Is Han Solo,

is he with Luke the whole time? No. No? So he goes off and does stuff? Oh, in the comic books you're saying? Yeah, in the comic books. They splinter off, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Because now Luke and Han, they're on their tauntauns. They're on a lot of side missions. The comic books, it's like the continuing adventures of the Rebel Alliance trying to regain their frame. Yeah, yeah. But here we are on Hoth, which is an ice planet. Yes. It is snow.

And Luke's like looking around. Now, and I've complained in the past, and it's true of these movies too. Every planet is one thing. It's like Hoth is an ice planet. Yes. It is snow. And Luke's like looking around. Now, and I've complained in the past, and it's true of these movies too. Every planet is one thing. It's like Hoth is an ice planet. One weather condition. Yeah. And it's snow. Yeah. And they're going home. Han goes off to inspect the probe droid. Or no. No, Han

just goes home and Luke goes off to inspect some readings. Yeah. And he gets captured by a wampa. Wampa motherfucker. I was looking for my phone charger in my backpack. He gets captured by a wampa, which is like an abominable snowman with claws

who strings him up. I just want to quickly get through this because it's nice, clean storytelling again. The wampa kind of traps Luke in his like ice cave and Luke is separated from his lightsaber and what does he do to get it back? He uses the force. But it's hard. It's hard. He's like

He's still learning. And he finally gets the lightsaber in his hand at the last minute and chops that wampa's arms off. This is an exciting sequence we're essentially in meteor res. Yeah a little bit. We're into the adventure but I just think you know for larger context it's important to note one of the reasons the sequence happened this early was constructed the way it was in between the release of oh luke yeah mark hamill got in like a car

got a really bad car accident motorcycle accident i think but this has been much disputed over the years because i feel like there's these rumors like his face got ripped off. It was like majorly reconstructed. Mark Hamill's always been like, no, it wasn't that bad. It wasn't that bad, but clearly his face looks different. His face is a little different. His nose, especially his upper lip, looks like it has been reconstructed. He's got a bit of a fuller face.

Yeah, and I think this movie was made right after. So the surgery was still sort of like, if not healing, like settling. Yeah, and I think this movie was made right after. So the surgery was still sort of like, if not healing, like settling. Yeah. Can I say something about Harrison Ford in this movie? He's even more handsome. He's just more handsome. He's such a handsome guy. He's liquid sex. This is a year before Raiders, maybe two years before.

Yeah, Raiders is 82? 81? I think Raiders is 81. 81. He's just a fucking god. He great um this is i mean maybe my favorite movie character of all time yeah he's he's so cool he's the best he has so many cool moments early on where he like he wants to ride out and get luke and it's dark and everyone at the Rebel base is like, it's dark, you can't go out there.

More like Darth Vader. You know? No, thank you. And he's like, I'll see you in hell. Yeah. He's like, if you go out there, you'll die. And he's like, well, I'll see you in hell. And he goes and he gets Luke.

And he rescues him. And he shoves him inside of a tauntaun. Well, I just want to point out, so the Wampa... That's what he does. Yes, that's what he does. And he's great at it. He's so good.

And they steal that move in The Revenant, by the way. It's like a horse, right? Yeah, except it's doo-doo and it's got no Han Solo in it. Fuck them. Wampa strikes Luke's face in a way that like really affects the areas of the show. No, because I like that they incorporated it into the story. Okay. I do, okay?

You know what he would have done in the original Phantom Menace movies? He would have just CGI'd the whole face onto his face. Exactly. Instead. But the Luke we met in the last Star Wars movie. He was a baby. He was a baby. And now he's a man.

Right. And they could just pretend, oh, this is the same face this guy had. It's only like 10% different. But instead they made it a damage that he incurs in the line of battle. They show us that. So the rest of the movie, we see a face that's like,

this guy's seen shit. Like he's scarred now, you know? Also, he gets shoved inside of a tauntaun. Yes. It's pretty weird. And also, he has a vision,

like a death vision of Obi-Wan saying, you need to go to the Dagobah system and train with Yoda. Right. Oh, yeah. And we're like, oh, Yoda.

I don't know if I want to see Yoda. Because he's heard the voice before, but now he's seeing it. Almost looks like a little hologram. Right, it's like a ghost. Yeah, it's like a little ghost. And he's like, Yoda, I'm telling you, this is the guy.

Go meet up with him. And if I know you, and I know you, Ben, I feel like at that moment you hear that and you go, oh, fuck. Yeah, you're not excited to see Yoda Yoda's such a bummer you've been kind of waiting on it because he didn't die

you knew he was going to come back at some point but I thought maybe he was a bad guy we're getting ahead of ourselves a little bit but at that moment when they say his name I go uh Kirsch and it's a little cute like how Obi-Wan is like shows up and he's like you're going to go to Dega but you take a left

out of here. You know it's like a little too specific. There you will go. And Luke's like excuse me I am face down in the snow. Like I can't take this down right now Obi-Wan. Now back on the base. The Hoth base that the

rebels have. The fireworks are flying between Leia and Han. Now, here's my question. And this was posed on Twitter recently. Someone posed this question on Twitter, which is, when do Han and Leia start having sex with each other in this series? And someone threw out a theory that I thought was very interesting, which is, it's already happening. But they're not ready to acknowledge it yet as something that matters, if that makes sense.

I hope that's covered in the comic books. I hope they do one, a miniseries that's all the dirty fucking Star Wars fuck stories that I want. These guys are at each other's throats, and it is hot as shit. It's so hot. It's interesting because Leia does, as you say, banter with Han in the first movie, in the New Hope. Right. They're new Hope. Right.

They're bantering. Yeah. She's really, she's, you know, busting his balls. But, and he, you know, he's like, eh, princess. But in this movie, they're like, just like eye fucking each other and like in each other's face. Well, and they also have this like screwball comedy banter where it's like. Yeah, that can be arranged. I'd rather kiss a Wookie.

When they don't know before Han rescues Luke, when they don't know where Luke is. She's really worried. She's really worried, but he doesn't realize there's like a red flag yet, and he just comes back to the base and he's like, hey, I'm heading out. You know, rebel life isn't for me. This isn't what I'm about. Plus Jabba the Hutt still got like a bounty on my head. I gotta get away from this. Yeah, well he says that and she's like,

okay, goodbye Captain Solo. And he's like, what? That's my point. Why aren't you throwing yourself at my feet? Yeah. He goes, that's all you're going to say? Well, why don't you beg me to sit, you know? It's so good. So he wants to leave,

but then they see that there is an Imperial attack going on, and so General Rikin goes like, no, we're not letting any ships fly out. You've got to stay here. So we've got this, yeah, it's like, there's this little detour with Luke. He gets brought back and then the probe droid, jellyfish droid, finds the base. I love this.

We cut up to the Star Destroyer. Oh, right. That's when, I'm sorry. Yes, I got it out of order. This movie is hysterically funny. We should talk about it. There's this whole subplot in this movie about Vader as the world's worst boss. And these poor functionaries on

the Star Destroyer yeah who have to deal with this homicidal maniac who they're just like I'm sorry we we accidentally did this thing and like the ship's kind of gonna take a little while and he's like you're dead you're the new admiral not stop force choking people and what I love about this scene is Ozzel is like I think it's Ozzel is like getting this readout of the little of this sort of shield generator. He's like it's hot there's nothing there. And Vader's just like looks at it for one second he's like that's it

we're going there. Imagine if this was your boss. I mean think about it though like in a certain way yes it's like a hostile work environment. Yeah. Okay but in another way it's kind of exciting because like a lot of upward mobility oh it's constant turnover your superiors could be killed at any moment you could get promoted like 17 there's a weird story with this guy at

captain piet or whatever yeah who is the one who discovers hoth yeah sort of inadvertently and we watch in this movie him rise through the ranks. He doesn't die. He's like, and it is this weird little tale of like life in the empire. Like, yeah, you kind of got to just make sure you don't die and maybe you're going to be in charge of a Star Destroyer. What are you getting there? Sorry, my phone's at airplane mode,

so I can't say battery. It's really exciting. So anyway. There's like, Luke recovers quickly due to awesome robots. Yeah, and he's in like a space bath. Yeah.

It's pretty cool. Meanwhile, like, who's here on the base? We still got R2. We still got- Chewbacca. Chewbacca. We got C-3PO.

You got someone to say? Well, no, I mean- There's Wedge, although we don't see him, but he's in this like, they have these like snow speeder ships. Yeah. I really am just excited about this fight sequence.

Oh, it's so cool. I think this is maybe the best fight sequence. I'd agree. And this is like the first 40 minutes of the movie. Yeah. It's real cool. It's so great to start there.

It's true. He started with a big action. He's doubling. That can happen off screen. And you're like, oh, remember that war? New Hope opens with a little skirmish between Smith's ship and this one. But how clear are the stakes? Oh, man.

The stakes are- It's a seed. This is your secret base. They're coming. They're invading. You have to protect yourself. No, you got to go. Yeah.

And so, God, the vehicles they have. They have these walkers. Yeah. They look so cool. They look like puppy dogs, like giant robot puppy dogs. They're like four-legged. Do you remember how in Attack of the Clones, every ship is like shooting 14 missiles every second

and looks so stupid? Too much noise. Too much business. You can't follow. Yeah. The walker is so cool. It's just going, boom, boom. So what's the plus of this thing?

It's indestructible, practically. What's the minus? It's slowestructible practically. What's the minus? It's slow. Really slow. And there you have your stakes. It's going to take them a little while. They're bearing down on you, but you can maybe evacuate. It's Dave versus Goliath.

So it's so cool. We see these transports leaving. There's this really cool sequence. Do you know what I'm talking about? Which one? Where the first transport leaves from Hoth and they fire this sort of cannon at the Star Destroyer that kind of disables the Star Destroyer for a minute

and you just cut back to the Rebel base and you hear over the PA like the first transport is away and everyone goes like, what? Everyone raises their arms just for a second. Irvin Kershner is the best director. This movie is the greatest movie ever made. Can I say something else this movie is so

beautifully shot clear and pretty oh it's so great but even just the colors like I love the way the last one looked aesthetically and I think it was very well shot as well

this had different DP I was looking both of the DP's on these first two movies are really fascinating but um Peter Suschisky shot this movie

he's uh Cronenberg's main guy yeah he is he shot like Dead Ringers and History of Violence and Naked Lunch. Still shoots his movies. Yeah. This is like 70 millimeter, super rich colors, movie. This was shot in 70 millimeter?

I'm all but certain. Oh, look it up. Because especially in the close-ups, you and I, spoiler alert, saw The Hateful Eight. We did. We saw it last week. In 70mm. How are you feeling about that one? I still don't know.

Yeah, because we actually, I think there's an embargo, so we shouldn't even talk about how we felt about it. But we saw it in 70mm. That's why I never filed that review of Darling Companion, Longtime Companion, so I don't have to abide by embargoes. Well, that's true. I still won't say what I think, though, because I'm still trying to figure it out. I know. Which you should not infer to mean positive or negative It's a lot of movie and I probably need to see it again

Yes the first wave of release included 126 70mm prints Thank you But most of the movie was released in 35mm But I believe it was shot in 70mm There are close ups in the Hateful Eight Where you're like oh shit That's why 70mm rules Oh great we can have this incredible deep focus shot

Of two characters on opposite sides of a fucking room. Yeah, but also just those close-ups. And it's like you're getting so much more performance because you're seeing all the muscles in their face in such rich detail. And all the wrinkles in their skin and all these things. And so you can get these micro-expressions. It really feels like you're picking up on micro expressions that you can't get in 35 even. This movie just looks fucking gorgeous.

I can't get over how well shot it is. I do too. I watched it this morning. I want to watch it again. I want to watch it right now. Right now. How do they end up

taking down these... Now here's a big question. Do you think it's an AT-AT or an AT-AT? AT-AT. I agree. Anyone who thinks the opposite is dumb. Yeah, no. It's an AT-AT. It's hyphen. I think it's an AT-AT or an AT-AT? AT-AT. I agree. Anyone who thinks the opposite is dumb.

Yeah, no. It's an AT-AT. It's hyphen. I mean, it's an acronym. Some people call them AT-ATs and they're wrong. No. Yeah. No, thank you.

Because, spoiler alert, in the next movie there's a thing called an AT-TE. AT-ST. Oh, right. But they're in this movie too. The Chicken Walkers. AT-TE I think is in Revenge too the chicken walker a t t e i think is in revenge of the sith maybe oh yeah yeah the point is if you believe that this thing is called the at at then you have to also believe that the other thing is called the at t and the ats right yes that's

what i was thinking of that's an attack of the clones is the a t t yeah one of those stupid chips that sucks yeah dumb uh this movie rules movie rules. This movie rules. The Hawk Battle rules. So cool. Love it. What can you do? You can fucking tie their shoelaces together. I know. Now, it's a little cute.

It's cute enough. It's a little cute because they're in these snow speeders. They're called Rogue Squadron. Now, in the original movie, if you remember, they're red.

Yes. You know, red two, red four. You know, in the original shit script, they're blue. Wow. Did you know that? Weird. They changed to red

for some reason. Hey, could we talk about these wide shots with the models? Yes. Because I feel like this is a good example of throughout these films where, like, fuck CGI. I love that. I love those shots. And they're so effective.

They look great. This is the 70s. You're shooting on white, which is really hard to make that look good with models. Yes, sir. And to remove all the wires and stuff. And bright light. They're not in shadows. It's like this is-

Looks fantastic. Unbelievable. The AT-ATs look so cool. So cool. The speeders are great. I love the design of them. They got those weird kind of exhaust vents at the back. Yeah.

Yeah. When Luke crashes in his speeder, he has to push the door open. Yeah, everything's fucking tactile and real. And you feel it. It's like, you gotta get this fucking open. It's not just the fact that they built a real thing, but everything behaves in a way that is recognizable to how you know things function in the world. It makes you excited as someone who's enjoying the movie.

It makes you kind of excited because anyone can create something on a computer. Yes. There's something about the fact that they built it that makes it feel more real to me seeing it. Oh, 100%. You know what you have to think about? Not only did everyone have to build all those things, but all those things had to be ready on the same day. Yeah. It's the miracle of movie making.

You had to get all the right actors. You couldn't just be like, look, there's going to be a bunch of business going on we'll figure it out later just wave your hands around you had to hold individual casting sessions cast all the right actors build all these props and sets and costumes and then rig up

the ships and then everything and then get the lenses right and then light it properly and then get it perfect and guess what it fucking worked and you watch it and the whole time you're coming all over the place because it's beautiful and it defies logic that they were able to pull it off you're soaked you're soaked squirting all over the place so they destroy the atats by tying their shoelaces they tie their shoelaces together and And most of them die.

Yeah. Again. It's a pretty brutal life being like a fighter pilot. Luke takes after his dad, though. He's a really good pilot. He's good, and he takes down one of the AT-ATs all by himself using like a fucking grappling hook and his lightsaber and a grenade. It's pretty awesome. Let's also mention that I think he's a captain.

There's a captain with a big bushy mustache who gives Luke orders when they're on the base and then is, I believe, in one of the ships who is played by John Ratzenberger, a.k.a. Cliff from Cheers. That's right. All the Pixar movies. Let's also point out that Leia is the boss. She's killing it. She gives this cool speech where she's surrounded by fighter pilots and she's just explaining everything. Carrie Fisher is what? 5'2"? Yeah. And like, 120 pounds at this point. And is like 22.

And is barking basically at these guys. Not barking exactly, but you know, she is on her shit. Yeah. She is awesome. She owns it. She owns it.

She knows what she's doing. She's no, she's no, you know, you think of all the negative connotations of a princess in pop culture. What I love about this movie is like is that's what she's like.

And in the Cloud City scenes where Lando's kind of treating her like, oh, a fancy lady has joined. And she's just so uninterested. Get the fuck out of here. I don't need you. I don't need anybody. Cloud City. I'm Princess Leia, motherfucker. So anyway, just to, you know, the Hoth battle's really cool.

Yeah. They escape. It's a victory. Vader shows up pretty much as the Millennium Falcon is leaving. Mm-hmm. And he's like, where? Ah, goddammit. Guys, choke some more people.

And he's like, I fucking, no, I want to get here before they leave. And much like Attack of the Clones. Yeah. This story then splits into two. Very interesting how in both cases the second film the middle film of the trilogy we've got two we've everyone starts out together and then splits apart because a new hope has a lot of similar story structure things to phantom s i guess and in similar ways like a bunch of shit kind of happens one after another not as clear

but these two are very very similar actually in on a basic, far-off, blurry structural level. You know? So in Empire Strikes Back, in this movie that we're talking about today, Han, Leia, the droids, Chewbacca, they get on the Millennium Falcon. It's hyperdrive doesn't work. Oh, no. And so that's their journey. They got to get a new hyperdrive.

Luke and R2. So, sorry, it's 3PO is on the Falcon. R2 is with Luke. Right. Gets in his X-Wing and blasts off to Dagobah Try to find Yoda. On this advice from Obi-Wan. And we're all dreading it. We're going oh fuck. I hope they focus on Han and Leia. He's gonna be all fear leads to

anger. Yeah. This guy the least funny guy in the galaxy. He's gonna have built a bunch of new poop chairs. Yeah. Great. Guess what? Should we do Yoda first? Yeah, let's do the whole Dagobah sequence first. In a shocking...

So we're cutting between these two stories. In a shocking twist. Yoda is my motherfucking boy. He's the best. Yoda's my boy. He knows how to deal with other people and talk even to someone and not be disrespectful to them.

He's kind of sly. Yeah. He's kind of like, he has good interpersonal skills. Oh, he's really funny, David. Especially at the beginning. He's a laugh and a half. This is the best comedy I've seen. He's very, well, he's a puppet.

He's a puppet. Puppeted by Frank Oz. Oh, surprising. Oh. That if you let Frank Oz work a puppet. It seems like an actual character. Yeah. And he's more Muppety as a result.

And he has this thing where he kind of goes like, which is very Muppety. He's much older. But it's great. He looks older. He's moving very slowly. He's supposed to be kind of like a little batty, right? He's gone a little crazy. But at the beginning, we think he's lost his goddamn mind. Which makes sense because, you know what?

He presided over the death of every Jedi because of his incompetence. And then he secluded himself on a swamp planet alone for 24 years. Hasn't talked to anyone else. He's probably going to be pretty crazy. Surrounded by snakes. 22 years. He lives in a little hut. He lives in like a Keebler elf tree.

It's a crazy set. Incredible. It's prime 80s Muppet set. You know what I mean? Yes. It's a lot of shit in the background. Weird animals. Swampy.

Snakes littered around. Yeah. Like bats going like, meh. It looks like the Neverending Story or fucking Labyrinth or whatever. But the way Luke's like gets there. Fraggle Rock. He lives on Fraggle Rock. It's like this shithole.

Yoda lives here. What's going on? Well, you know, in the deleted scene, we saw it briefly. Right. Yeah. And then he sees the thing scampering, crawling through his lunchbox, eating snacks. Yeah, Luke's here. And Luke's like, what are we doing here?

He lands in a bog. Right. And he's like, who the fuck are you? Get out of here. Now, should we say, Luke's a pain in the ass. Like, he's a huge pain in the ass. I like him in this one. You like him in this one? He's... Remember how I started I wanted to give him originally a fail

in our performance review in the last episode? I think his performance is better. That's the thing. It's not I don't think his... He'd gone off and made the big red one with Sam Fuller. Yeah. The reason I wanted to give him... Just talking about Mark Hamill here. A fail. I know. The reason I wanted to give him a fail in the last movie is only because I want to be able

to show how much I think his performance has improved in this film, you know? And I know the last film he's playing like a whiny kid, you know? Yeah. And he's playing immature. But like the way that he shows the newfound intelligence, confidence, worldliness, you know, a guy who's seen stuff, has had his face slashed by a wampa. I think this is a really good performance. Yeah.

Is Luke a little annoying as a character? Yeah. Well, he's in this phase where it's like he's got this potential. Off the charts potential. Doesn't know quite how to realize it. He's got all these new, it's sort of a puberty. He's having like this magic puberty, right? Yeah.

Because it's like he's suddenly getting visions. He's like kind of able to levitate things and like use it and jump around. But it's like, you know, there's sort of this extended montage basically of Yoda sort of training him. Mm-hmm. And Luke is like okay at everything and he's really frustrated all the time. Yes. He just wants to go. He wants to get Darth Vader.

He wants to fucking be a Jedi. But we're missing the biggest point here. When Luke lands at Dagobah and goes, Hey, do you know how to help me find Yoda? Yoda's like, Ah, yeah, I know Yoda. Yeah, he's pretty coy about it. Oh, he straight up does not let on that he is yoda and it's sort of

a you know like the idea is like don't judge a book by its cover motherfucker and guy seems to have fully lost his mind like is is bananas is is like eating carrot sticks and like making weird sounds like fucking snakes he's made this like stew that he's like he keeps talking about how good it is yeah and luke like eats it and he's like he keeps talking about how good it is. Yeah. And Luke like eats it and is like grossed out by it. I really like that scene. And Luke's like tapping his watch and going like Yoda can we get to. Can you introduce me to Yoda?

And he finally figures it out. Well cause what happens. Obi-Wan starts talking. Yeah. And Yoda starts talking to him. And he's like no patience this boy has. And Obi-Wan's like, you were kind of the same way. I mean, remember me? Now, this is a little cute in my opinion.

Not the same way about me. Can I say this? Yeah. Because Yoda didn't really train Obi-Wan. No, not at all. Because Obi-Wan, well, I think maybe when Obi-Wan was a child, because it seems like Yoda's kind of in charge of the younglings. Uh-huh.

So maybe like that's when- The starter preschool teacher. Obi-Wan, Yoda should say to obi-wan like yeah you were a little defiant when you were five yeah you got over it this is a grown man in front of me there are definitely some continuity problems uh with these movies there are but what i like about it is the risk is greater right if we already know that anakin was a trouble at age 10 or whatever luke god you're Yoda says the same thing. Like his father. He says like his father.

Like his father. Impatience, this and that. But he's not an asshole in the same way. No, definitely not. He's well-intentioned. And Luke puts it together. He's like, oh shit, you're Yoda. Go on, Ben.

The thought I had, though, was when he goes too old and he's insistent upon that. I'm like, this is the last motherfucker you got. But remember, they said the same thing about Anakin. And Anakin was like 10. They said he's too old and he's insistent upon that. I'm like, this is the last motherfucker you got. But remember, they said the same thing about Anakin and Anakin was like 10. They said he's too old to start training. Right, but there was also an abundance of Jedi. Yeah. There's one

dude. Yeah. And this is all you got. You can't be like, nah, he's too old. This is the thing I like about Yoda. I do think Yoda's kind of heartbroken. He's like, maybe it's just over. Maybe it's better to have no Jedis than an old Jedi, you know? Right. I mean, Yoda seems to have fully lost it, but once

Luke puts it together and is like, oh shit, you're Yoda, Yoda starts to pull it together, and it's like, oh, maybe that craziness was a test. I do think he's gone a little batty, but he also wanted to test his patience, his reserve, you know? Totally. And the ghost of Obi-Wan is like, give him a shot. Right.

And so he's still, like, hard on him. And he's still got a lot of goofy antics, but, like, he starts training him like a real person, and he relates to him like a real person. He doesn't go, like, the way he used to with Anakin, like, you're angry, stop it. You know, he, like, explains to him why the things he's doing are this or that,

and throws out, like, a lot of fucking good idioms, you know? He does. he does a whole new side of Yoda I like it this guy rules I like that I like this guy says do or do not there is no try well also there's this thing where Luke says I'm not afraid

and Yoda suddenly is like you will be and you're like oh that was weird yeah because the puppet looks kind of demented yeah like in the way where the the cgi creature just couldn't yeah could not so on the one side we've got this yoda thing and it becomes like a rocky for training montage it does except it's not a montage it's extended but it's kind of an extended montage yes in terms of but it has except for there's no scene in any rocky movie where he wanders into a cave of his own nightmares.

Oh, let's talk about this. Oh, my God. This scene is like no other scene in any movie in the Star Wars movies. Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah. I mean, they're talking about the fear thing. He wanders into a cave.

Darth Vader comes out of it. Because Luke's like, I'm ready. I'm ready. And you're just like, oh, yeah, sure. Yeah. Just walked into this cave right now. Yeah. You won't need weapons into this cave right now. Yeah. You won't need weapons.

Luke keeps his weapon. Yes. And he finds it. Defiant. It becomes this very herky-jerky. I would have kept my weapon too. This is a swamp planet with snakes. But it becomes this herky-jerky low frame rate thing.

Very weird. This scene, can we acknowledge, this scene frightened the shit out of me. Oh, terrifying. Oh my god. You saw this movie when you were a kid? It's like I'm Fox Mulder. all these buried memories are coming to the fore. He slashes his head off mask falls away. Who is it.

Luke Skywalker. It's like that's that's the fear right there. And there you go. Isn't that better than maybe sitting in front of a bunch of pooping Jedis who are pooping? And in between poops, they're like, oh, but you can't be afraid or fall in love because emotions can be really bad. We get it. Maybe also don't show all of Anakin's Jedi training. Maybe don't have all of Anakin's Jedi training happen off camera.

Maybe not. Because watching someone go through Jedi training is cool. And this is Yoda in a swamp without the fucking facilities. He doesn't have a gym or anything to work on, but he's like, hey, Luke, why don't you do a handstand for 10 minutes while I stand next to you? Carry around a backpack, jump around, and then he's trying to lift stuff,

and he's like, I can't do it. And Yoda's like, lifts up the X-wing, which was submerged into the swamp. Because Luke's like, it's too big. It's too big, you can't do it, it can't be done. And Yoda's like, lifts up the X-Wing, which was submerged into the swamp. Because Luke's like, it's too big. It's too big. You can't do it. It can't be done. And Yoda's like, boom.

I just did it, and I'm a tiny little shrimp man. I'm a little old guy. And Luke's like, well, it's impossible. And he's like, that's why you fail. Fuck you. Yeah. And he pisses on him. You fail because you believe it's impossible.

It's great. Let's move along with this because we've got to get to the other story. Ben, I love this stuff. Great movie. Of course, we've got to move along. Oh, yes. Man, I mean, this is like- On the other side of the coin.

This is actually fun for me. So much fun. On one side of the coin, you've got Luke straining, frustrated, and eventually tormented by visions of his friends in danger. And Yoda keeps on saying like you gotta stay here and finish your trading on and and luke's like and let my friends die and it was like maybe maybe maybe would you rather if you go pretty cold if you don't finish your trading you go try to save them and you die as well then everyone loses wouldn't your friends

rather that you let them die so that you can become stronger and fight in the name of their cause? And he's like, I don't know, Yoda. And Yoda's very, like, stern about this. He's like, no. Not stern, but he's, like, very strong-minded about it. But he's like, you need to finish your training and you're not ready. But he gets, like, he's not, like, saying, like, I don't know what's going to happen to your friends. He's like, I don't know.

You know, the future's tough to tell. Maybe He's like I don't know. You know. The future's tough to tell. Maybe they're going to be in hurt. Maybe not. They're definitely in pain. Back on the Millennium Falcon. It's just the hottest shit in the world. It's just cool shit happens.

It's just Han and Leia Just cool adventures. Just bantering. Han they're making out. 3PO is banging around hilariously. So funny.

He's so funny in this movie. Remember when he wasn't funny for one millisecond in the first three movies? Yeah. Just as evidence. We're going to cut to a quick clip. Ben is obsessed with this clip. Ben's got this clip he's going to cut to.

He's going to find it later and cut in. Oh, man. I love this stuff. I'm going to shut down everything but the emergency power systems. Senator, I'm almost afraid to ask, but does that include shutting me down too? No, I need you to talk to the Falcon. Find out what's wrong with the hyperdrive. Sir, it's quite possible this asteroid is not entirely stable.

Not entirely stable? I'm glad you're here to tell us these things. Chewie, take the professor in the back and plug him into the hyperdrive. Sometimes I just don't understand human behavior. After all, I've only tried to do my job. And that was the clip. So funny. He's a funny, very funny character in these movies.

He's this great foil. Yeah. And what I like is it's sort of a mirroring of, because R2, I guess, needs to be with Luke. It's kind of mirroring the R2-C-3PO relationship from A New Hope. He and Chewbacca have a really funny relationship. Oh, yeah, but, you know, Han and 3PO. Yeah. I just love this scene where Han is macking on Leia. Oh, God, yes.

Macking on her hard. Yes. And then 3PO interrupts him with, like, this useless piece of information. No, they fucking straight up make out. Yeah, they're making out. They start kissing. It's such a hot scene. It looks so hot. We're squirting left and right and then c3po comes in you're trembling and like oh god oh my god i want someone to talk to me like that me too that's all i want in life someone to call me out on my constant tremble oh they call

me the three p.o interrupts them yeah really excited and han's like thank you in like totally and three people's like oh you you. In like total ease. And 3PO's like, oh, you're welcome. Yeah. Really great. It's funny. It's a good banter. Isn't it good, Ben?

It's really. They go into a cave. They go into an asteroid field. Yeah. And into a cave. And there's these Minox, these weird bats. Cool. And it turns out they've been swallowed by like a space slug.

Like a giant space slug. That's awesome. They were in a cave. They get out just in time. She goes, the cave is closing. And he goes, that's giant space slug. That's awesome. They were in a space slug. They get out just in time. She goes, the cave is closing and he goes, that's no cave.

It's teeth. I'm a little annoyed because Leia is a little bit of a ditz in these scenes because she's like shrieking about the bats and she's like, the cave is closing

and it's like, it's very obviously a mouth Leia, come on. But nonetheless, it's great in general. I love the idea of the space slug.

The shot of the Millennium Falcon like slipping through the teeth. So cool. Very teeth. So cool. Very cool. Very cool. Okay, so now... So eventually, they're trying to evade the Empire. They can't fix their hyperdrive.

They end up on Cloud City. They get a message from his friend. No, no, they're just scanning for signals. Oh, right. And he's like, Bespin, Cloud City, Lando, my old friend Lando, we'll go see him. And it's like, can you trust him? And it's like, I can trust him as far as I throw him. He's a scoundrel like me, but I'll say this. He won the Millennium Falcon from him.

Right. In a game of chance. And he also goes, probably a game of chance cubes. Oh, where are the chance cubes? That's the one problem. One big complaint. Where the fuck are the chance cubes? Where the fuck are them chance cubes, George? There should have been a whole scene of chance cubes throwing! Sorry, I'm yelling.

Good flashback sequence. Are you yelling at me because my levels were so loud? Yes. Okay, sorry. Ben doesn't want to have more work to do later. The key thing he says is like, she's like, do you think you'll be safe there? And he's like, no one hates the Empire more than Lando. Hates it.

Okay, so we get to Cloud City. Oh, Lando Calrissian is played by- Billy Dee Williams. Willie Dee Billiums. At the height of like- Now, people have complained. He is wearing like a purple space cape and he looks like a freaking pin. He looks like a space pin.

But it's awesome. I don't care. I think he looks great. I don't care either. And he's like got this like beautiful mustache and he's's just purring at Leia. He's just like, oh, welcome, Bespin. This is my Cloud City. Check it out.

Can I throw out one complaint? He's kind of like Mystery from The Pickup Artist. This movie might have- He's not. He's great. I love him. This movie might have too much top shelf man meat. We have some fine ass cuts of man meat in this movie.

Who's the third? Mark Hamill is, I think, a good looking guy. He's got good arms. He looks all fucked up in this movie. Good definition in this one. Yeah, no, sorry. I like the battle damage on him. The first one he was like a pretty boy

and this one now he's got like a little rough, a little rough around the edges. I think Piet's your number three here. But Darth Vader, Darth Vader's got fucking, you could slice a steak on his two buns. Oh, we haven't even mentioned. There's that scene. Oh Oh yeah you see the mask. Where Darth Vader

apparently lives in like a little cube. He lives in like a nest. He's got like a robot nest. I thought of it as like a lung because he probably Yeah I think it's like an iron lung.

He can take off his helmet in there. But it's like a capsule it's like an orb that like comes up and he like sits in it all the time and one guy interrupts him

when he's breathing. I think it's Ozzel interrupts him and you see the back of his head all scarred hasty white very white and like there's this weird sense that like oh i'm intruding you know like even the audience feels this where it's like oh we this is he's vulnerable it's weird yeah he shouldn't be vulnerable yeah and he's telling him the Emperor is calling. Yeah.

And Vader's like, fucking let's get out of the asteroid field. We're going to get a good signal for the Emperor. He is in the Emperor's palm. Yeah. The Emperor calls him. It's old Ian McDermid. Yep. As we remember him.

Yep. And he's like, hey, have you felt this Luke Skywalker thing going on? What's that? Right? Who's that dude? He calls him Luke Skywalker too. Yeah. Yeah. What thing going on? What's that? Right? Who's that dude? He calls him Luke Skywalker, too. Yeah. Yeah.

What's going on, buddy? That guy who has the same last name as you? And Darth Vader's like, he could be a powerful ally if he was turned. Yeah. Right? That's kind of all that happens. They talk about the great disturbance in the force. Yeah.

It's a little, yeah, like you say, it's a little weird because it's like, we know who this is. Yeah, but whatever. Yeah, George, we've seen five of these movies now. They get to Cloud City.

Lando greets them with open arms. Guy looks good. I want to take a mustache ride. He does a little joke with Han where he pretends to be mad, but then he's like, ah, you're all right.

Yeah, he's definitely like laying some smack on Leia. Some mack, rather. He's laying some mack on Leia. Did not age well, though. I like that. I mean, it's part of his character. Oh, the way he macks on Leia?

But the way he goes about it, it's a little... Sure, he's a little creepy. He's creepy. It's not the best vibe to it, but that's okay. We'll look past. It's also supposed to establish there's this slight dread where you're like, what's this guy's deal? Is he just trying to kidnap Leia?

You can't get a read on him. And he's showing them around Cloud City. I hate the Empire, but I hate the Empire. This is a great place. And Solo's like, well, you're doing great for yourself. And the whole time, I think we were just like, the other shoe's about to drop here, right? C-3PO goes into a corridor because he sees another droid or something.

Oh, that's right. And, like, goes into a hallway. And then he's like, what's going on here? And then you just hear the door close and, like, loud sounds. Chewbacca's looking for C-3PO. He, like, can't find him. Chewbacca's the only one who gives a shit about C-3PO. They have a weird friendship development. They do.

They do. Actually, I like them a lot because then, of course, 3PO is recovered as just, like, bits. Right. And Chewbacca kind of just carries him around on his back. It's kind of bits. Right. And Chewbacca kind of just carries them around on his back. It's kind of great. Yeah. And also there's this thing

that we forgot to mention where Boba Fett Oh, this is huge. Boba Fett from Attack of the Clones The son of Jango Fett who now has armor near identical to his father's

in different colors. It's all scored and green and red and it's crazy looking. It looks super cool. So Darth Vader has like a bunch of bounty hunters. Darth Vader contracts with bounty hunters.

And he's like, find these fuckers. Check out this scene. It's weird, too, that his dad is just all around him all the time. Yeah, he's surrounded by copies of his dad. Do we think all the troopers in this movie are clones? They can't all be. But certainly they were the base of the stormtroopers. And then you think they died out and they just hired other people?

Yeah, because they get old. Oh, right, okay. Yeah, they get old. But couldn't they keep cloning or they just had one run, one batch? It seems like, I think it's like you can make, it's just people start enlisting. I think it's supposed to be a mix, but it's not clear. Because when you hear their voices, they're not Boba Fett or Jango Fett, but when you hear Jango,

Boba's voice, it's Tamora Morris. Yeah, it's very unclear. Yeah. So we watch the Blu-rays, guys. I'm sorry. But check out this scene, though. Yeah.

Where you're on the Empire, on the Super Star Destroyer. There's like a massive Star Destroyer now. And this one guy is like, ugh, bounty hunters, gross. And the Empire has just been white guys until now

now there are like 8 crazy looking people a lizard in a yellow jumpsuit there's like a guy who just looks like a bunch of blasters that have been tied together like a weird robot there's one dude they're kind of like Ben's Jedi creations

there's a fat dude with a bunch of like paper towels around his head yeah for Dengar named Dengar there's like a

bug dude named Zuckus they are the coolest they're the best but only one of them like Vader's going around being like blah blah blah and then he goes up

to Boba Fett and he says no disintegrations and Boba Fett and he says, no disintegrations. And Boba Fett's like, as you wish. And you're like, whoa, this guy must be so crazy that Darth Vader has to be like, take it down a notch. I mean, he watched his dad be murdered in front of him. Jesus Christ. But weird to like.

Sorry, I just love that scene. Sorry, I just love that scene. It does feel weird to make that character, the bounty hunter, be the grown-up version of Boba Fett because it feels like it in no way otherwise ties into the little boy Boba. You know, there's no narrative gain from that being the same person. Like, why not make it a new character? Absolutely. But nonetheless, he's pretty cool, and we've seen him.

He's tracking Han. That's why I mentioned this. His ship is awesome. He's got this awesome ship. It's called the Slave 1. So anyway, on Cloud City, you know. Or is it the Slave 2? Yeah, anyway.

I think it's Slave 1. Slave 1. They get rum- The reveal, right? That's what we're getting to. They get rumbled where it's so cool, where Lando's like, yeah, anyway, I think everything's going to be great for me because I just made this new deal. And Han's like, oh, yeah? And then they open the door and Vader's there and he's like, anyway I think everything's gonna be great for me because I just made this new deal and Han Solo's like oh yeah

and then they open the door and Vader's there and he's like I'll take your gun. He blocks his laser fire with his hand. And Lando was like yeah the deal I made was and he's like please join us for dinner and the door shuts and Lando's like the deal I made was Empire's not gonna fuck with me if I

give you to them. It's Solo. It's Han Solo is being given up. And technically he's being given up to Boba Fett for Jabba the Hutt. Yes. And he's just being tortured in the meantime to sort of lure Luke. Get the information out. And so there's this, it's kind of complicated,

but it's all very simply delivered where Han's going to get frozen in carbonite as this like test for Luke. Yeah. Who's then going to be presented to the emperor. Yeah. In carbonite. It's a way to like incapacitate someone but not kill them but also make them to a trophy. Yeah. And so.

And they keep on saying like we don't know if the process is going to work. It's dangerous. We don't know if he's going to survive. If he dies whatever then we still got a cool trophy. Yeah. Right. And then and then he'll compensate boba for you know fucking up pajama's plan yeah but it's like a pure so bitter cast of like as the movie is reaching

his conclusion yeah as luke is coming back yeah you know he's leaving yeah uh we should say he leaves dagobah and yodas sorry obi-wan says that boy's our last hope yeah yoda says there's another which you know well Well, we know. I don't understand why they're being so vague. Why are they being around the bush? We know that. And also, oh, we forgot the biggest thing. Early in the movie when Han is playing with Leia and he's like, you know you like me so much.

She's like, maybe you don't know anything about women. And she fucking straight up smooches Luke. And there's the kiss moment. And Luke's like, all right. He puts his hands behind his back. Yeah, he puts them on his back like he's Mark Harmon in summer school. Yeah. He puts on a Hawaiian shirt and sunglasses, and he cracks open a brew.

Shout out to Chase Mitchell. We got another Mark Harmon in summer school reference. We did. I did that for Chase. Hi, Chase. But there's also the moment where they're swinging across the divide, and there's a moment at the end of A New Hope where she gives him a trophy, and they sort of wink at each other.

Oh, I know. It's weird. It's weird how much he keeps on hammering this because all of us watching this movie know that they're brother and sister. I hate bits. Anyway.

Weird. So, but then, come on. There's the best scene in the film, apart from the bounty hunter scene, is the carbonite scene. Yeah.

Like, the- Yeah, I'm obsessed with it. They designed this room that is like the best lit room in the history of cinema. This is the coolest set ever. These little creatures, the Ugnaughts, who are like the mechanics working the machine. And they have like smocks on. This is post-Alien, and Alien comes out between A New Hope and Empire Strikes Back.

Alien comes out in 78, yeah. And like there is that weird sort of industrial feeling to it that's a little more like, you know, alien-y. Yeah. And it's all orange and blue lights. Is Alien 78 or 79? I think it's 79. Alien comes out in 1970. Okay.

So, and Han's getting frozen. It's so messed up. Oh, and the best exchange. This is what I'm leading up to, man. Yeah. So Han is like this. Leia finally is like, I love you. And Han just goes, I know.

Oh, it's so good. Which they came up with on set. And the music swells. It's this beautiful John Williams theme. It's like, da-na-na-na-na-na. He gets lowered down, and then they freeze him, and he goes like, da-na-na-na-na-na. This movie's better than A New Hope. I like A New Hope more.

I'm not saying this as any insult to this film. So good Hope I like A New Hope more I'm not saying there's any insult to this film so good I like the newness of A New Hope and I just I mean I like that it's

and this shot Kirshner gets of the carbonite like is like up and it gets like slammed down and you see Han's like sort of

pained he looks so pained he's trying to get out but then he's alive he's alive it's so so crazy and Leia just looks so pained. He's trying to get out. But then he's alive. He's alive. It's so, so crazy. And Leia just looks so sad.

She loves that man. And so Han's out. Boba takes him away. Leia and Chewbacca are like being to be kept prisoner maybe but then Vader's like no I'm going to take them too. Lando's really mad.

He wakes up his robot butler. Lobot. Lobot. He's the best. And they escape on the Millennium Falcon after a bunch of sort of like. He's like let me take the hostages and then once he's leading them down the hall has his guys come and shoot at the troopers. Yeah.

And like a bunch of chaos happens. It turns out Lando. Lando. Because like they yell at Lando when he reveals. Oh they're very mad at him. Chewbacca tries to strangle him. And he's like fuck you Lando. Like we trusted you. And you see it in his eyes that he was turned on him. Oh, they're very mad at him. Chewbacca tries to strangle him. Yeah, and he's like, fuck you, Lando. Like, we trusted you.

And you see it in his eyes that he was like, maybe for once I have to stop thinking just about myself and care about others. Which is what happened to Han. And look what happened to Han. He gained a heart, you know?

Han was the same way. He was heart- Then he got frozen in carbonate. Well, yeah. But I think Lando- So it's kind of a 50-50. Yeah. Lando was like, you know,

but in the words of Tom Hanks in Bridge of Spies, it doesn't matter. You know what you did. It's about can you go to sleep at night with a clear conscience? No, of course. You know? Yeah.

And so Lando immediately flips back. Bridge of Spies. Masterpiece. What'd I say? Oh, no. No, I'm just agreeing. Okay. It's a masterpiece. My third favorite movie of the year.

My first two are Star Wars and Empire Strikes Back, which I'm counting as films this year because we just saw them. Lando, like, almost immediately flips it on him and was like, I'm going to make it my mission to get the rest of my friends out to sea. Right. He has a change of heart. It's a little quick, but you know,

it makes sense. Yeah. Kind of. Kind of doesn't make sense that he betrays them, but you feel like he's immediately, once Vader shows up, he's immediately just like, what am I doing doing he also made the decision to betray them for a cloud city he made the decision to betray them before he saw them again you know like you can like decide like okay i'm

gonna break up with this person you gotta meet up with them and it's hard when you're in person to do those things so i think he already had the pangs of regret before he actually did the handoff and immediately is like, I got to make this right. And also, I mean, the Cloud City is just cool. Can we just say? It's a really cool idea. It looks so cool. Another great design element. You've got Hoth, you've got Dagobah, and you've got this Cloud City.

Cloud City. And it is the coolest setting for the best lightsaber fight ever. Okay, so- Luke shows up. Yeah. And is kind of led, almost, to the carbonite chamber. Weirdly, yeah.

Yeah, and he sees Leia briefly, and she's trying to tell him it's a trap, but he doesn't figure it out. There's this awesome scene there, when that's happening, where Lando is almost like, let me get a look at this motherfucker. You can tell he's like,

this is the guy everyone's so obsessed with. This is Luffy. Vader wants this guy so guy everyone's so obsessed with. This is Luke. Vader wants this guy so bad. This Skywalker guy, whoever he is. And there's just a brief shot of him kind of trying to crane his neck to look at Luke as he's like, you know, going deeper into Cloud City. He's like the Jennifer Lawrence of this universe. He's the it guy.

Everyone wants a piece. It's just, just like the way it all dovetails is so nice. Oh, it's a tight movie. And then he has, like Vader has this showdown with him where Vader is just toying with him. Yeah. And Vader doesn't, no, he now knows. He now knows that this is his son. Yeah, he's been referred to as Luke Skywalker to his face. He doesn't know, but I mean, you gotta fucking, you know.

He's put the pieces together off screen. Yeah, yes. Which is good because we already know. We already know. I's put the pieces together off screen. Yes. Which is good because we already know. We already know. I don't understand why they're dicking around this much. I don't hold against the movie, but we all know. Why are you holding this off like it's some big surprise? We've all watched the movies in the order that you intended us to watch them. All right.

Griffin, we've said it multiple times at this point. I'm going to kill you. It's not a surprise. No bits. So no bits. Hate bits. Pro smits. No smits, but still pro smits. bits so no bits hate bits pro smits no smits

but still pro smits yeah no smits ship still pro smits ship yeah Vader what I like about this fight is like Vader's initially

kind of like toying with him and kind of like just trying to freeze him and he's like hey you're not that great and then Luke kind of shows up for this fight

he's pretty good and Vader is like oh check you out interesting yeah and then's pretty good. And Vader is like, oh, check you out. Interesting. Yeah. And then I think that's when Vader's like, all right, maybe me and you. Me and you. Come to Papa.

And Luke's like, what do you mean come to Papa? What I like is Vader's kind of just toying. I keep saying it. But then he kind of turns it on. They have this crazy fight. Vader throws shit at him. And then they end up on this big big like walkway in this like cavernous room. Like huge.

Like wind tunnel thing. Right. It's all the mining operation I guess is what's you know what they're fighting. The bowels of this like mining operation. Yeah. And Vader is like. And finally Vader just turns it on. He's like come on.

And just takes him to town and chops his arm off. Right. He chops off his hand. Yeah. Luke is like hanging at the edge of this thing. Yeah. And he's just ruined. Right.

And like right above the like the gulf like this this huge wind tunnel. And he's like come on. Yeah. He's like join me. Yeah. Come on. And we'll take down the emperor. And he looks like and he's like Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father.

And he's like he told me enough. He told me that you killed him. Right. And he's like no I'm your dad. Yeah you what happened to your father. And he's like, he told me enough. He told me that you killed him. And he's like, no, I'm your dad. Yeah, he says it in exactly that tone. He's like, buddy, I'm your father. No, I'm your father. And Luke, you know, I think this is why they save it, because the reveal is pretty crucial to Luke's emotional arc.

Yeah, just not to us, the audience at all. This is rock bottom. Yes. And he's just like, how can this be true? But he kind of knows, right? I think he kind of knew deep down. And Vader says it. He says, like, look in your heart, you know it to be true.

Yeah, he's just like, no! Screaming. I will never join you. And he commits suicide. He jumps down. Right. And he falls out the bottom of the ship, like the garbage chute, and then just holds on to this, like, antenna.

Yeah, and this is a little goofy it's like weather vane the only reason I think this works is because he's rescued by Leia's own kind of recognition of him he's there and he's like

Obi-Wan Obi-Wan help me and like nothing which is pretty useless come on Luke he's a ghost right and then he just goes like Leia and it cuts to a great shot of Carrie Fisher

she plays this beat so perfectly so good and she goes I know where Luke is yeah she's like we gotta go and Lando I love L Luke is. Yeah, she's like, we gotta go. And Lando, I love Lando, is like, what the fuck are you talking about?

We just left that place. We're like being chased by, you know, TIE fighters. You want us to meet the guys who are trying to kill us halfway? And she's like, go right here. And I love he goes there. He's like, Jesus, he's hanging off the fucking thing. Yeah, it's pretty cool. No one like questions how she knew.

And then, no, no no no one really talks about it but she's just like finally feeling finally she got the fucking r2 turns on the fucking hyperdrive and they go it's such a good moment so good and the end of the land is like they fix the hyperdrive yeah and then of course it's still busted the end this movie luke and he's like it's not my fault i love that really do well he's great in this movie he's great in this movie yeah uh luke gets a new hand it looks a lot more advanced than anakin's hand it's got like prosthetic flesh yeah it's not like a green uh a golden like you know frankenstein hand it's a real hand you see the inner workings but then it looks otherwise me and griffin are

doing like an exact ben's just watching us like we're both tickle imaginary balls we're fondling balls yeah that's what it looks like. But they give him a new hand. And the last moment of this film is Lando and Chewbacca go off on the Millennium Falcon to try to rescue Han. And Luke and Leia and C-3PO and R2-D2 stand on this... You know, medical ship. Right, but the space balcony. Yeah, they're watching these fleets of rebels leaving, looking out at a galaxy. And they look to each other,

and they don't know what the future holds anymore. Yeah, it's a weird ending. It's not a downer, but it's kind of bleak because there's no sense of... It's a little bleak. It's a real cliffhanger. It's a little unsatisfying as a cliffhanger, I would say, where it's like, okay, threads are dangling. Yeah.

That's the only hit on the movie. But it's an interesting down. I mean, you call the movie The Empire Strikes Back. Yeah. Lives up to the title. They struck back, motherfucker. And it's not like, oh, they struck back and then we beat them. It's like, you got to wait to the next movie.

You got to wait until the Jedi's return. Right. To see if they pull it off. Great movie. Five stars. Would watch again. Yeah. All right, you want to do a quick performance review? Oh, shit.

Let's do it. I've been holding in a poop this entire time, so we've got to do this really quick. All right. Mark Hamill. Plus. Yeah, hardcore. Hardcore. Harrison Ford.

Thumbs up. Number one of all time. MVP. Yeah. Carrie Fisher. Thumbs up. Number one of all time. MVP. Carrie Fisher. Thumbs up. Yeah, Hamels are most improved. Fords are MVP. Fisher's great.

Billy Dee. Incredible. Billy Dee A plus Williams. That's right. More like Billy A Williams. That was the joke. That was good. That should have been the first one.

That was the joke. Sorry. Anthony Daniels. Plus. Yes, he's great. More like A plus Anthony Daniels. All right, carry on. That was the joke. Sorry. Anthony Daniels. Plus. Yes, he's great. Hilarious in this movie. A plus. All right, carry on.

David Prowse. Yeah. Good job, buddy. The fighting? Amazing. Love it. Yeah. Peter Mayhew.

Love him. Kenny Baker. Love him. Frank Oz. Pass. Killing it. Hardcore. Alec Guinness.

Pass. Yeah, he's fine. Soft roll, but he does a good job. Jeremy Bullock. Oh, Boba Fett. Now, do you know who else this guy is? Who else is this guy? He's the salty old space dog. Hells yeah, bro.

Oh, shit. No way. Yeah, they brought him back. That's awesome. I hope you're listening, Chris. We should have Chris listen to this episode. The salty old space dog returns. We should show up at his front door with two earbuds and make him listen to this episode. Chris fucking, yeah. Salty old space dog. That's great.

Gives two great performances across this franchise. Pia and Ozzel both get passes. Oh. John Ratzenberger gets a pass. Lover voice

Clive Reville. Clive Reville played the emperor in the original cut. Yes, that was dubbed over by Ian McDermott. The Blu-ray we had. Yeah, in the original cut

the emperor is played by an orangutan. No, it's played by a lady and they superimpose orangutan eyes on her. Yeah, and the original Cup the Emperor is played by an orangutan. No, it's played by a lady and they superimposed orangutan eyes on her. Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, it was Rick

Baker's wife. But they hadn't cast Ian McDermott yet. Yeah, but we're watching George's quote-unquote finished versions of the movie. Everyone gets a pass.

Everyone gets a pass. There's no bad performances. Wow. No. Yeah. Dengar gets a hard pass.

Love it. IG-88 killing it. Oh, God god so cool alright okay Griffin's making a face right now I really need to poop I can't

guys we'll see you later this week I think to talk about Return of the Jedi and Return of the Podcast check your podcast thing whatever your feed

your Stitcher yeah I use Pocket Casts myself it's a great app well humble brag please email us at griffindavidpresent at gmail.com to tell us, do you think we should rebrand as Blank Check with Griffin and David or continue being Griffin and David Present as we go into the future?

We will soon announce what our next miniseries is going to be. Yeah. You guys, there's no way we can top Star Wars, but it'll be fun. We have one definite one planned and there's one we're kicking around. Oh, I like the one we're kicking around. We have three maybe in the docket. I'm pretty pumped for the one we're kicking around. Yeah. We have one definite one planned, and there's one we're kicking around. Oh, I like the one we're kicking around. We have three maybe in the docket. I'm pretty pumped for the one we're kicking around. Yeah.

We have some good stuff coming up. Please rate, review, subscribe, other UCB shows, email us. Also, Offer Still Stands is probably the last week of eligibility to get your free ComTech, your Merry Christmas ComTech. ComTech chip. ComTech chip. What I'm calling Merry ComTech, a Griffiths promotion. Yep.

Great. I'm going to poop my pants, ladies and gentlemen. As always. And as always. I seriously need to end this because I'm going to poop. I'm actually going to poop myself.