Blank Check with Griffin & David - The Terminal with Jerah Milligan

Episode Date: March 26, 2017

This week’s guest, Jerah Milligan (Comedy Central), finally completes our trifecta of co-hosts from the excellent podcast Blank Men Can’t Jump In Hollywood joining Blank Check. The topic of discussion: 2004’s stranded at the airport dramedy The Terminal. But exactly how much Stanley Tucci does a movie need? What was behind the absurd Michael Douglas cancer story? Is it clear where exactly is Krakozhia? Together, Griffin, David and Jerah examine Catherine Zeta-Jones’ career trajectory, jazz photos, Shrek 3, saltine cracker sandwiches and more. Plus, Jerah shares a personal account of being trapped in the airport and Producer Ben is hungover AF.

I have a bit of bad news. It seems that your country has suspended all traveling privileges on passports that have been issued by your government, and our State Department has revoked a visa that was going to allow you to enter the United States. That's it in a nutshell. While you were in the air, there was a military coup in your country. Now most of the dead members were members of the Presidential Guard. They were attacked in the middle of the night. They got it all on GHN.

There were very few civilian casualties, so I'm sure your family is fine. But no more Krakow. New government revolution. So all the flights in your country have been suspended indefinitely, and the new government has sealed all borders, which means your passport and visa are no longer valid. So currently, you are a citizen of nowhere. Even if we could get you new papers,

we couldn't process them until the United States recognizes your country's new diplomatic reclassification. You don't qualify for asylum, refugee status, temporary protective status, humanitarian parole, non-immigrant work travel visa. You are, at this time, simply podcastable. That was terrible. Wait, first off, you did the whole Stanley Tucci monologue just for the last word of your podcastable? That is correct. I see why you and John are friends, because that is the worst.

That's some bullshit. Like, that is the worst. I mean, his segway is the worst. I interrupted him. He didn't stop. Because it was so long. It was so long. When people start a podcast, they turn it off if they don't like what they hear.

You know, you want to draw someone in. I'm a journalist. You know, you write a lead to hook someone. What he did was the opposite. Oh, guys, we had a problem with recording. Griffin, do the whole thing again. No, no. Is this real?

No, I'm fucking around. Thank God. Welcome to Blank Check with Griffin and David. My name is Griffin. I'm David Sims. This podcast is about filmographies. Directors who have massive success early on in their career are given a series of blank checks

to make whatever crazy projects they want. Sometimes those checks clear. Sometimes they bounce, baby. Yes. And today we're doing part of our miniseries, Pop Me If You Cast. The films of Steven Spielberg, the DreamWorks series. Arguably the biggest blank check ever.

Man founded his own studio just to make whatever he wanted. Man built his own airport terminal. He did. To make a movie. He did. Wow. And that was a line from the very quotable film, The Terminal. I mean, I understand that there's not a good line in The Terminal.

Correct. Like, there's not really a lot of hot lines. No, he has one. He has one. Cocosia. Yeah, that's the big one. Cocosia. Cocosia.

What are you going? Cocosia. No, no. You know what? There is Catherine Zeta-Jones yelling, get away from me, I'm sick. Oh, yeah. That does stick in my memory. I mean, I feel like the most notable line of dialogue in the movie is also my least favorite line in the movie, so I didn't want to use that.

Which is? Which is, why would a woman like you, who could get any man she wants, go for a man like Victor Navorski? Oh, yeah. And then she goes, that's something a man like you who could get any man she wants go for a man like Victor Noworski? Oh, yeah. And then she goes, that's something a man like you could never understand. I could have done that with podcasts. I'm going to introduce our guest.

We're very excited to have him on because it's been a long time in the making. We've been trying. Yep. We've been trying. We've been trying hard. Not only were you on the books to be in an episode, but we actually promised that you were going to be in an episode. Right.

And then you weren't. True lies. We thought we were going to have you on for true lies, and then you weren't. True Lies. We thought we were going to have you on for True Lies, and then our schedules all clashed. It's happening now. But I had a lot of people, like when we announced, and we rarely at the end of an episode announce the next guest because we don't want to call a shot and have it fall through.

But I was so confident we were getting you on. We were all so committed to it. And I had a lot of people go like, oh, that's going to be a good episode. I had people reach out to me and go, that's exciting you're having Drew on for True Lies. That makes you feel good. Didn't work out. We announced our next May series, Spielberg, and I messaged you and I go, hey, here's the

list. Yep. Pretty much only two movies had been claimed at that point. So I pretty much gave you fair reign over the Spielberg filmography and said, what jumps out to you? Any of these jump out to you? And you, without hesitation, said. I like Terminal.

You said that. And once again. Hey, man. Also. Not a lot of people are out to you, and you, without hesitation, said... I like the terminal. You said that. And once I found it... Hey, man. Not a lot of people are going to say that. I believe you told me that you own the terminal. I own the terminal on DVD. Oh, okay, on DVD. You don't own the actual terminal that they built.

No, no, I don't own that, because, you know, he didn't live in, like, a special terminal. He just lived, like, by the gate, technically. He lives by an uncompleted gate. Gate 67. Yep. Yes.

Was that supposed to be JFK or LaGuardia? It's supposed to be JFK. It is supposed to be JFK. JFK. Okay. But it is modeled on Dusseldorf International Airport. That is like what it looks like. No, no.

Dusseldorf. Dusseldorf. The Paris one is where the real story. The real guy. The real guy. Yes. Was in Charles de Gaulle. That is correct.

Yes. Guys, I don't know if you do stories, but I got stuck in an airport on New Year's. Oh, we do stories. This sounds like some comic gold. Guys, so- Stuck in an airport? I was stuck in an airport. New Year's, Paris.

Charles de Gaulle. Charles de Gaulle, where the original guy was stuck. Yeah. 2017, I was stuck in- This year, so this is a hot story. This is hot. Okay. Hot and fresh.

Okay, this is a fresh, angry story that's about to go down right now. Okay. Hot and fresh. I probably won't get in trouble, but you know what? So what? So me and my friends did buddy passes. I won't say we're airline because I got in trouble saying it before. We did buddy passes.

The guy checked us in but gave away our tickets. Like, gave away the seats. Because the buddy passes, we didn't know. Every time we were like, oh, can we get on now? He's like he's like no just wait this woman comes on and does one of the best con artists moves ever she like has a breakdown like i'm talking about like she goes nuts and she lays on the ground then her son like who's a little kid sits down next to him like pats her the guy's like oh no no we'll get you and your four other family members on the plane all of a sudden the guy turns around the woman gets up i guy turns around, the woman gets up.

I will never forget. The woman gets up, does like a little smile and elbow thing to the little kid, and they're just like happy. I'm like, what? What the deuce? Yeah, well, she did it. She did.

And the thing is, it was such a beautiful move that I was like, why did I not do this? Would anyone have cared? You're a fucking professional actor. Why did I not do it? I should have unloaded. Yo, so you get stuck. We get stuck for 26

hours. But the beauty is, to get to Robotic Gate, which was nice and fancy, they had sleep pods. We're like, this is whatever. We're thinking we're getting another flight, but you gotta go back out through security to get your flights. The airline didn't even give us a flight.

We had to go buy somewhere else. But the problem was is that we couldn't check into the flight until three hours before, but now we're not through security. So now we're just in no man's land. We're just in the lobby. We're just in the lobby, no man's land. And we're Americans. So we're, like, eating Starbucks for dinner. That's all we could get.

And a woman sees us, and it's me and three of my friends. They're both brown people. And a woman's like, I need to go back to America. Y'all messing up the world. Who is this woman? Yo, random woman on the street. And the woman's like, I need to go back to America. Y'all messing up the world. Who is this woman? Yo, random woman on the street. Random woman. Speaking English?

Speaking English. I mean, she has an accent, but speaking English. And her boyfriend is definitely on drugs, and he's like, just ignore. Other people around, just ignore. And she's like, Americans mess up everything. And then we're like, you know, things are rough for us. We're scared, too. You know?

She's like, no, especially the brown ones. And I was like, oh, good. Ah, you got the goat. I was going to say, because she gave herself a little wiggle room by saying, Americans are messing up everything. And then she was like, no, no, no gray area. Not that. I dislike every element of who

you are. Everything. We were stuck sleeping in the project version of the airport. We took the little... You were in a bad part. Yeah, we were in a bad part. So we're trying to go to sleep. I felt like him.

Yeah. You know, the airline gave us like a toothbrush and a disinfectant wipe to wipe your underarms. And I'm like, oh, man, I feel. Oh, this feels like trash. I remember going to sleep and waking up and there was a old man who had been circling like the area. And I wake up and he's just looking. Just look because it's me. my friend, she's asleep.

My other friend just went to sleep immediately, so he's knocked out. I hate those people who just go right to sleep. Just right to sleep immediately. And I'm just up, and the dude is just staring. And I'm like, I don't know if he wants to rob or kill me or eat me. And then he walked away, and dude, every 10 minutes,

just walking around, just circling. Guys, I feel, okay. So you feel like Just circling Guys I feel I feel Okay So you feel like Victor Dvorsky I feel for Victor in this man Victor Dvorsky I already

Kerkosia Kerkosia Kerkosia Our guest is Jerome Milligan Oh yeah right Black man can't jump in Hollywood Yes

One of the hosts Of black man can't jump The third The third and final The third We did it We've gotten Wait y'all had James and Bray

Yeah we got the set now Oh perfect We got all three you guys Bray did it. Wait, you had James and Bray? Yeah, we got the set now. Oh, perfect. We got all three of you guys. Bray did the Star Wars cartoon show, and James did After Earth. Ugh. After Earth was rough. Ugh. Can I ask you, is After Earth a good movie now?

Don't you do this. The thing is, like, this was one question. Is After Earth a good movie? The thing is, I want Will Smith guys to just be great again. Yeah. Like, make Will Smith great again. Yeah, that would be great. And it's just-

Yeah, did you hear what he's working on next? Oh. We were talking about it. Oh, the would be great. And it's just- Yeah, did you hear what he's working on next? Oh. We were talking about it. Oh, the fucking Tim Burton Dumbo movie? What the fuck? But do you know who else they announced is going to be in it? Who? Tom Hanks.

No. Tom Hanks is going to be the villain, and Will Smith is going to be the hero, and neither of them are Dumbo. They're both apparently playing humans in the movie. Well, is Dumbo going to be like a CGI elephant or something? I guess, who doesn't talk, and so the humans, it's like, God, let's not do this, guys. Yeah, we shouldn't do this.

And my thing is, first off, we know Dumbo has the crows. Are the crows gonna be in it? It's like so many questions I have about Dumbo. Yeah.

You can't have the crows. You gotta lose the crows, right? You can't have the crows, but the thing is, the crows song is so entertaining. There's so many Disney movies

I look back on now, like, how did that go? How did I miss this? Sure, how did did that go? How did I miss this? Sure, how did we miss this? How did I miss that? Man, we don't know. I was like, I watched Bambi with, like, a five-year-old and a two-year-old, like, a little while ago.

And they're just, like, they're just chill watching Bambi. And I'm, like, I'm all, like, close to tears. I'm like, how did they, you know, maybe you just watch a movie. Man, I watched Lady and the Tramp recently. And one of my friends, she's an Asian actress, and she was like, wait till we get to it. And I didn't think about it. She was like, wait till we get to these cats.

And I was like, what cats? The cats come up, and I'm like, oh. You're like, this is a movie about dogs? I'm like, there's no cats in this. The cats come in, and I'm like, oh, oh. The cats got the, they put teeth on them. I'm like, oh, this isn't good. Childhood, y'all.

Childhood. Yeah, also, weirdly aggro line, we are Siamese if you please. We are Siamese if you don't please. Yeah, I was like, what is this? That's a weird thing to say. And the cats are literally like sliding across the carpet of snakes. I'm like, oh, this is weird. And it doesn't have any plot importance to Lady and the Tramp. They were just like, now we'll have some Siamese cats.

They don't play that in a cocoja. And their song will be, they don't play that shit in a cocoja. That shit in a cocoja ain't going down. It's not in the cocoja edit. So just to put this in Spielberg context, he just did his Minority Report, Catch Me If You Can, 2002. He just did his Minority Report, Catch Me If You Can, 2002. Great. He takes a year off, and he announces,

I'm making a broad kind of heartwarming comedy with my man Tom Hanks. Sure. Getting him back in. Which was, this is not on its face a very Spielberg-y movie, certainly in sort of scale. It's one of those movies where you can imagine there's like a 15 or 20 million dollar version of this movie. Sure. Even like a 35.

Yeah. Yeah. It's directed by like Sean Levy. Yeah, totally. Exactly. And stars like fucking whoever. It's very easy to imagine like a Robin Williams, Christopher Columbus, Jim Carrey, anyone. You can imagine any comedy A-lister or, you know, B-plus lister.

But suddenly it's, you know, a Tom Hanks, Steven Spielberg movie. The budget gets much bigger. It becomes like a middle of summer event film. Sure. Yeah. One of the last times that like a mild mannered comedy was like submitted as like a summer blockbuster. And it's like a rom-com if you think about it. It's sort of a rom-com, but then it turns out like not to be.

It's a deep. You know what it is? It's like, this is the thing I think people forget that you can do. I hate to say it, but rom-com has taken on this, like, like, eh, rom-com-y thing. You can, like, really have some weight to a romantic comedy. Like, there's, like, moments that are, like, very heavy in this movie, but not too heavy that you're like, oh, God, I need some napkins.

I'm crying. But it's, you know, it is legit. Like, he has a love interest. Like, there's a secondary love story in it. But it's almost a plot point that she disappears for 20 minutes of the film at a time. It's very spaced out. It's sort of like one-fourth of the movie is very focused on that. But it's not a continuous four.

At this point, Catherine Zeta-Jones has just won an Oscar. I think this is her direct follow-up to The Oscar. No, because she's in Tidal Cruelty, 2003. Oh, correct. And Ocean's 13 comes out, or Ocean's 12 comes out in 2000. Yeah, right. Four.

That comes out after this. Yeah. She had a good run, man. Where is Catherine Zeta-Jones? Okay, can we- This is the end. Yeah, can we pull up her filmography quickly?

Because I was looking last night, I watched this movie very late in a bout of insomnia, and then was like, I gotta figure out Catherine Zeta-Jones' career, because I remember- What she did was

she stopped making movies. Yeah. She decided to stop. Oh, she wanted to. And then she couldn't come back. Well, I know career. What she did was she stopped making movies. She decided to stop. And then she couldn't come back. Well, I know one big thing that happened was she had kids and she also was fighting with bipolar disorder. She publicly came out as a sufferer of bipolar disorder. When did Michael Douglas get cancer? Oh, he battled cancer too?

There was a really tumultuous family period that I think was on either side of that. She, I think, checked herself into treatment for a while. Iuous family period that I think was on either side of that. She, I think, checked herself into treatment for a while. I vaguely remember that, too. He got cancer. Then he said he got cancer because he ate her out too much. First off, I remember that.

Literally, he said that on a red carpet. I was like, bruh, first off, I respect you for going down on your lady. Three cheers. Three cheers for going down on your lady. But she just painted it by saying, yeah, right. Why is this where that's being discussed? But also, my thing is, even if it wasn't her specifically, it was like, oh, I probably ate too many vaginas when I was younger. It's like, bro, are we low-key bragging?

Right, right. What are we doing? Look, I get when you have cancer, you want to, you know, God opens the door, he opens the window. You want to find a silver lining somewhere. True, very true. So maybe that was his attempt. But you know, the weird wrinkle is, I found out he-

He had more than one weird wrinkle. Yes. It's a reference to his age. I'm trying to remember what the two were, but he misrepresented which form of cancer he had. Yeah, right, right, right. He said he had like jaw cancer when he actually had tongue cancer or something.

The cancer he had, if the surgery was botched, he never would have been able to talk again. But he didn't want to make that public because he didn't want to not be insurable as an actor. So he pretended it was a different type of cancer and came up with a reason why he got that type of cancer, which was, like, HPV cunnilingus. And then it turned out the whole thing was fucking... Okay, okay, so here's Catherine Zeta-Jones. I then it turned out the whole thing was fucking... Okay, okay. So here's Catherine Zeta-Jones. I'm going to run through her career for you guys real fast.

Please. Because it's insane. So Catherine Zeta-Jones, she's a Welsh actress. She's in The Darling Buds of May. She's, like, semi-well-known in Britain as, like, a young ingenue. But isn't really taken seriously as an actress. No, she's in a movie called Blue Juice with Ian McGregor that is worth seeing because it is bonkers. But, yeah.

But mostly she's cast in like sexpot roles. Blue Juice surfing movie. And she isn't getting it. Well, she's sexpot in Phantom. She's sexpot in Blue Juice. Which is a tough part of being like, even more and more now, like, you know, women's rights is like, when you actually think about it, right? If you're a beautiful actress in Hollywood, you will only get hot women roles until like

someone decides one day. Right. You have some breakout where it's quote unquote serious performance or whatever. And then you have to like but the thing about that is like usually it's like think about Margot Robbie right now she's playing like she has on like

the fat suit and stuff like that makes it real. Like you telling me like a pretty woman can't go through like some real shit like she has to. I don't know I feel like you look at like i feel like the deep glam is what you're talking about but that's so unnecessary i don't disagree i think michelle pfeiffer had a run in the 80s and 90s where she was one of the most beautiful women alive but played real human beings yeah that's that's it no one's ever gonna beat michelle but you know what i'm saying like

they didn't ugly her up they didn't have to like de-glam her to make her like a serious woman it was just like here's a movie where she's playing a person and that person happens to be as attractive as Michelle Pfeiffer. And the thing about that is so interesting is like that is 2017. Right.

And we're still talking about the same thing. And I know we're three dudes. It's true though. It's true. And so it's tough, but it's like, yeah, man,

like all my friends who are actresses and they're like, you know, I got to do this role and like I'm looking at the role and it's like, oh, there's a sex scene in this?

Why? Right. Why is there a sex scene in this movie? Like what? I also, I look at this movie. I mean, I think there's a sex scene in this? Why? Right. Why is there a sex scene in this movie? I also, I look at this movie. I mean, I think this is a relevant conversation because this movie, I think, is sort of victim to that where like Catherine Zeta-Jones is fresh off an Oscar

and she gets to make like a Tom Hanks, Steven Spielberg movie. Like there's the brass ring. Like that's what you want to win an Oscar for. And her role is entirely just about who she dates. Absolutely. The whole thing. Her role, her performance is not good,

in my opinion, but her role is the disaster at the center of this movie. She doesn't get anything to do because she doesn't. I'm not saying it's all her fault. No, no, no. She's not needed

because that character, they were like, oh, let's just have someone for him to gawk at and fall in love with. Because their whole idea was like, I think, it's this terminal,

so it'll be this organic world and there'll be all these little storylines we can do. Yeah. And then their solution, or how it ended up, is like, we kind of did a quarter of each storyline. Yeah. We gave a little bit.

We had a dollar, and we split it 10 ways. It's a very episodic movie. Yeah. Yeah, but none of the, you're not like, oh, Diego Luna and Zoe Saldana, they figured it out. Those guys really have a connection. I have questions about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let's build up to that one. Okay, so here's her career. Because I didn't even do her career yet. Right. She's doing UK films, UK films, UK films. Sure, sure. And then The Phantom, 96, small part. 98, she makes The Mask of Zorro.

Huge. Huge. Welsh actress playing a Spanish maiden. Sure. But she's not... She's Welsh. She's from the country of Wales. Wait, wait.

No, she's got to be from like Spain, right? A hundred percent. A hundred percent Welsh. She's from the country of Wales. Wait, wait. No, she's got to be from like Spain, right? A hundred percent. A hundred percent Welsh. She's a Welsh lady. And if you hear her- I think it's Welsh and then her father's Irish. No. Yeah, that's correct.

No, other way around. Father Welsh, mother Irish, Catholic. Guys, she's got some Spanish in there. She's from Mumbles, which is a town in Wales. Yes, guys. There's a town in Wales called Mumbles. If you hear her talk, she has a thick Welsh accent.

I sand it down a little bit these days, but she's got what the English... She's not Latina at all? No. That's crazy, right? Crazy, huh? We're talking about Zorro. Yeah, which takes place in... Where she plays Elena Montero. Wait. No. Yeah, man. She's not Latina at all.

Not one bit Neither is Anthony Hopkins by the way Right I spent a lot of time Also Welsh by the way Anthony Hopkins I spent a lot of time

on the Zorro Wikipedia page last night and they cast originally Sean Connery to play the Anthony Hopkins role Makes sense And then the producer Steven Spielberg

was one of the producers on the movie that was an Amblin picture announced they were like okay I know we cast a Scottish man first but I promise you every other actor in the film is going to be Spanish.

Right, right. And then it was like Banderas and then a Welsh woman. They ended up casting two Welsh people. Look, I mean, look, she's great in the movie. She's great. She's great in the movie. No one would have ever seen that movie and thought, oh, that's a white lady. That's a Welsh lady.

They think she's Spanish. They think she's like Antonio Banderas. I thought that until right now Elena Montero here's a point I'd like to make about that performance one of the rare instances

where someone becomes a movie star from the trailer like I feel like they have the moment in the trailer where they're fencing and then he does

the scene in her dress and she goes like this and that moment was like so iconic and everyone knew her name like before seeing the movie they knew her name because they put her name

in the trailer and it's a heck of a name it's a heck of a name Catherine because they put her name in the trailer and it's a heck of a name. It's a heck of a name. Yeah. Catherine Zeta-Jones is a good name. It's a heck of a name. She's got a heck of a face

and that moment was funny. And it actually made her powerful. The fact that she was fencing with him and was not scared. For sure. It's a great, I mean, it's a great role.

I'm about to watch that movie. It's a great movie. But then her next movie is Entrapment. Like, goes straight from Zorro to Entrapment. Right, which is just more of a, like, yo, check out how hot Catherine Zeta-Jones is. That's a movie where, likement. Like, goes straight from Zorro to Entrapment. Right, which is just more of a like,

yo, check out how hot Carolina Jones is. That's a movie where like the trailer, like everyone knew the fucking thing with her going

under the lasers. She's above the title with Sean Connery. It was like, it took her two American movies and she was already like a name thing.

And that movie's a solid hit. Also that year she has The Haunting, which is a terrible movie. Right. But she is in it. And that's a DreamWorks movie.

Is that Haunting? Because Spielberg apparently was the one who, he saw her in the Titanic miniseries. He produced Zorro. Martin Campbell, who directed Zorro, was going to cast one of the women from Goldeneye. I forget who. Not Fonka Janssen. Isabella Scorpio. Oh, Isabella.

He was going to cast her and then Spielberg was like, no, no, no, no. Check out this Catherine Zeta-Jones. So Spielberg was kind of the one pushing her. He cast her in Zorro. Yeah.

You know, he put her in the Haunted. You need someone to have your back. I mean, that's kind of how this world works. 100%. Someone, a big shot likes you. Not to say that she's not talented.

Very talented. Great in High Fidelity the next year where she plays someone who's full of shit, which I think she's really good at. That was a great role. And then that year she's not talented. Very talented. Great in High Fidelity the next year where she plays someone who's full of shit which I think she's really good at. That was a great role. And then that year

she also has Traffic which is, you know, the beginning of her like, oh, serious actress Catherine Zeta-Jones. That's crazy. That's like her third year of being an American star.

She's doing High Fidelity and Traffic. In both films she's playing like good supporting roles and everyone's like, oh, we all know Catherine Zeta-Jones.

Now let her show us her range. Sure. And it was like her career was like a fucking rocket. Yeah. Like so fast before she got into like, I'm already redefining what the Catherine Zeta-Jones persona is. Then 01, America's Sweetheart. Whatever.

Okay, yeah, whatever. Made some money. No one remembers that movie. 02, Chicago, wins an Oscar. Wow, I mean that, dude. that shows off she can sing and dance. Five years after her Zorro debut. I remember that movie so... She wins the Oscar.

She was pregnant. She was like a sweetheart when she won the Oscar. Everyone liked... She was so happy. And we take out the big rubber stamp and we go, movie star. Here she is, officially anointed movie star. O3, there's...

Well, there's the Sinbad cartoon, but forgetting that. 03, Intolerable Cruelty, which I think she's not bad in. I think she's very good. I'm a big fan of that movie. I don't think she's why it's good, but she's fine. Is that the George Clooney one too? Yeah. The Coen Brothers movie, but it's a relative flop.

This year she's got The Terminal and Ocean's Twelve, neither of which pop. Now I remember that she publicly fires her agent before these two movies come out. Yeah. Because she said that he didn't capitalize on her Oscar enough. He probably didn't. But it's like, but on the other hand, you're in a Spielberg movie and you're in an Ocean Cone Brothers movie or in another Soderbergh movie. Yeah, the thing is that all of those things on paper seemed great.

But none of them worked for her. Yeah, but the thing is, that's one of those things that actors are like, you don't know. You don't know. It's like, because Ocean's, the first one, was so big. No, but the thing is, that's one of those things that actors are like, you don't know. You don't know. It's like, because Ocean's the first one was so big. No, I mean, it all makes logical sense.

No one knew the sequel was going to be what it was. Why don't we do a Spielberg movie, obviously. 05, she makes The Legend of Zorro, which is a disaster. Right. The sequel to Zorro.

Which they should never have done. Never should have made it. She has nothing to do in it because she's just married with a kid. The kid has more to do than she does. Yeah.

That movie makes like every mistake a sequel could make. It really does. Takes a break. In 07, No Reservation comes out. No Reservation. So do you think it had been filmed a while back? The cooking movie with Aaron Eckhart? Oh, yeah.

But that's a fucking two-year break. Yeah. Not on screens. And that's her last big studio above the title movie. There's also, let's not forget, Death Defying Acts. What is that? I repeat, that's her last big studio above the title movie. There's also, let's not forget, Death Defying Acts. What is that? I repeat, that's her last big studio above the title movie. I gotta look that one up.

With Guy Pearce. Barely was released here. Saoirse Ronan's first movie. In 09, there's that movie The Rebound, in which the plot is she fucks Justin Barthel. Yep. And then in 12- Wait, what? Yeah, man.

Yeah, man. I mean mean another one that no offense to Justin Barth but what movie is this? well you know what that movie is go ahead that movie is directed

by Bart Friendly who is Julianne Moore's husband is much younger than her was a director so it's just him talking about his relationship with Julianne Moore when he was in his 20s and he got to fuck

and then eventually marry one of the most beautiful interesting women on the planet good for him glad he got to not only do that but then make a movie right who needs to hear that story yeah uh-huh uh you want us to applaud you more 2012 she's in rock of ages you know sort of a small role i guess she's fine no i mean that movie's awful but look at that gap of years where she's not really i mean i'm

forgetting like lave the favorite that barely came out. That's a thing, all these movies. Broken City, that was sort of forgotten. Who the fuck is this shit? She's, in side effects, she's bad. I think she's good in side effects. No, she's horrible. I think she's good in side effects. I've never seen side effects. Good movie, but she's terrible.

I dig it. Yeah. She's in Red 2? Yeah. I've seen one of her movies we skipped over. Which one? Playing for Keeps. Oh!

Playing for Keeps with George. Why have you seen that movie? Guys, listen, this is the thing. That's not a real movie. I secretly, my movie. Jessica Biel. Dennis Quaid. My movie Love goes on random tangents. I started off as an action hero, an action

kind of guy. Now I'm like big on happy, romantic kind of movies. And I'm like, you know what? I need a little joy in life. But then I watch some of these movies and I'm like, oh God, life is so sad. It's not joyful. The director of Pursuit of Happiness. Oh, Gabriel, right.

Lucino. That's the soccer movie? I don't think. Yes. Yeah, Gerard Butler plays a Scottish soccer player who's a has-been. But that's her career. That's her career. This year she appeared in Dad's Army, which will probably never come out here,

but it was a British homage to a sitcom. And that's, yeah, you know, it's like. She's such a good actress. Where are these roles? She hits the stage so fast. Give her credit. She won a Tony on stage in Little Night Music, which she was god awful in. She gave one of the most hilariously bad performances I've ever seen in the Tony Awards and then

won the Tony. And everyone was like, what? You know, like that one That's the one where she goes there ought to be clowns when she sings send in the clowns you remember She's due for a comeback. Yo, she is and she's actually a good actress She is it's tough can be can be Everybody but the thing about that is like we've all seen movies where like

ugh that wasn't the best like I mean I freaking love Meryl Streep and I love Daniel Day-Lewis but what was that movie 13

when he was singing 9 and I was like he gave that 4 more numbers than he made it I'm looking at 9 I give it about a 2

like yeah and I'm like Daniel Day-Lewis is the legend and it's like hey we all have a bad stretch I think everyone involved with 9 would probably be like you know what maybe if I could go back in time And I'm like, Daniel Day-Lewis is the legend. And it's like, hey, we all have a bad stretch.

I think everyone involved with Nine would probably be like, you know what? Maybe if I could go back in time, could take Nine off the old resume. Can we take a mulligan on that one? I just posted on Facebook the other day. I was like, hey, everyone forgets that Daniel Day-Lewis did a musical. He did a musical. He sang. It's really weird.

He kind of danced. His voice is good. His voice is not bad at all. He doesn't fit that role well at all. Weird choice for the role, although I could see where they're going. I mean, the problem with that movie is the director, not Daniel Day-Lewis, but the whole thing was odd.

But it did happen, and it did get four Oscar nominations. Yes. It got four? Yeah, including Best Supporting Actress. Which everyone forgets. So here are a few other interesting career things in this movie, okay? Before we start talking about the plot. One is that this is one of the last fully DreamWorks

Spielberg productions. Yes, it is. After this, they start becoming partnerships with other studios, and then DreamWorks itself starts becoming a little shingle under other studios. Which we'll talk about. But this is maybe the last full-force DreamWorks fully financed Spielberg movie. The other thing

is, Tom Hanks was coming off of a run of like seven consecutive hundred million dollar plus grocers you want me to run it down for you yes

and if you take out that thing you do which he directed but only had a small part in I'm not gonna involve that one if you take that out and go only starring roles I think the run becomes like 12

here's the run Forrest Gump 94 Apollo 13 95 Toy Story 95 let's forget that thing you do Saving Private Ryan 98 You've Got Mail 98 Here's the run. Forrest Gump, 94. Apollo 13, 95. Toy Story, 95. Let's forget that thing you do. Saving Private Ryan, 98. You've got Mail, 98.

Toy Story 2, 99. The Green Mile, 99. Castaway, 2000. Road to Perdition, just sneaks over 100. Just tiptoes to 100. 2002. Catch Me If You Can, 2002. Now, you're wrong because The Lady Killers comes out this year. I'm saying this year that he had the two falls.

Wait, so those are 10? First off, yeah, 10. That was 10. Yo, first off, those movies are great movies. How do you pick?

Yeah. How do you know on paper? Hanks is good, man. Because some of those are weird choices. Castaway could have been, yo, Castaway could have bombed. That's very true.

Yes. Like, I mean, think about Castaway. Honestly, catch me if you can if you think about it in retrospect, it's like, yeah, we knew who Leonardo DiCaprio was, but Leonardo DiCaprio wasn't the Leo that, like, he did, you know, he was eating Gilbert Graves, so he got that Oscar nom, but it's like, he wasn't like... That was coming off of The Beach.

Yeah, like, he was nice. Like, everyone said he washed up. Yeah. Like, who, how did you pick that? And Hank's also taking a supporting role as, like, the fucking fun killer in that movie. We just talked about that. We just talked about it. Now, I also want to mention, if you go before Forrest Gump, Philadelphia doesn't make 100 mil, but, you know, he wins an Oscar.

Philadelphia is freaking... He wins an Oscar, does well, and before that is Sleepless in Seattle, and before that is A League of Their Own. So it's really, like, from the whole 90s, he basically ran the table. Right. How? Like, how do you pick that is great and then 2004 it collapses the record the lady killers comes out and is a is a flat-out bomb i mean for coen brothers coen brothers for a coen brothers movie and a spielberg

movie and that's the year that ends the run he's really good in the lady killers he's really funny it's an odd movie but uh it is an interesting well the movie is weird because like you know the coen Brothers has this thing where, like... It's the only movie the Coen Brothers made that has black people in it. I was about to say.

I was about to say. It was the only movie that ever had black people in it. With, like, multiple. I mean, there are, like, black people in Coen Brothers movies, but it's the only one where I can think of, like,

more than one. The only one. Yeah, the only one that really, like, me and John talk about this all the time. We always talk about, which is still one of my favorite movies, so I'm like, whatever.

Going with George Clooney, and it is, like, I'm not gonna.... Going with George Clooney. And it is like, I'm not going to... Cedric the Entertainer is an intolerable cruelty. Is he? Nail your ass. Nail your ass.

That's all he says is he's going to nail your ass. He's funny. He's really funny. I always think about... You think about Oh Brother Where Art Thou with Robert Johnson.

Yes. And it's like, we're like, oh, they show the chain gang and it's all people of color and then just the three white dudes and we're like, ugh. And they're the ones who escape and they don people of color and then just the three white dudes and we're like, ugh.

And they're the ones who escape. And they don't even get shot. And they don't want us to get out. That's where the camera stops. Right? And the camera stops. Right? It does.

Moving past all. All the black people. There they go. But when you watch Lady Killers, it's like, it's a lot of things wrong. Marlon Wayans' character is wrong. It's a disaster. It's just wrong. That's the biggest problem with that movie.

It is wrong. Although Zima's character is a problem too. I mean, that movie's weird. The thing is, think about this. It's a weird movie. Irma P. Hall's very good. But it's tricky because even now, there are roles that I have said no to. That some of my friends have done.

And it's like, who am I? You know what I'm saying? Who am I? But imagine being Marlon Wayans here and Tom Hanks. It's the Coen brothers. I think you question it. The Coen brothers come to you and you're like, Tom Hanks. It's the Coen brothers. The Coen brothers come to you and you're like, wow, these guys know what they're doing, right? They'll make it work. Maybe on the page it looks weird.

If it seems offensive to me, I must be misinterpreting it. I trust these guys. They've never gotten a bad performance. Marlon Wayans is a funny guy, though. It is. He's given some great performances. He's given some bad performances. How do you say no to that?

Like, there's a bit that I said no to that now I kind of regret, but I'm like, I don't really because I'm like, I won't play no thug anymore. Right.

Right. Oh, God. But yeah, good run. Damn. Really good run. But yeah, this is the end of the run. I mean, after this,

it's ups and downs. You know, he makes these two movies. They both bomb. Then Polar Express comes out the end of that year, after this, it's ups and downs. You know, he makes these two movies. They both bomb. Then Polar Express comes out at the end of that year, which does weirdly well. Then he doesn't make a movie in 05. Then he does Da Vinci Code in 06. And from that point out, Tom Hanks' run is over.

He stops being just like Tom Hanks, all-American hero. Yeah, now he becomes Tom Hanks' character actor who also makes the Da Vinci Code movies. You know, who makes some block Da Vinci Code movies or whatever. You know, like who makes some blockbusters, but not too many. It's weird because Da Vinci Code, the first one did well

because it was like the first one. It was huge. Second one does okay. Yeah, I mean, they do well because they made, what, three or four of them now, right?

Yeah, the third one bombed. The third one was a huge disaster. Oh, was it? Yeah. Because I mean, even was it Captain Phillips did well. He got an Oscar nomination

for Captain Phillips. He didn't. He didn't. That was the big thing. It was rude. Well, he got something, didn't he? He got a side. He got an Oscar nomination for Captain Phillips. He didn't. That was the big thing. It was rude. He got something, didn't he? He got some precursors.

All right, we're getting off track. You're right. The Terminal. I'm going to keep you guys on track. Okay, The Terminal. So you wanted to note

that it's the last DreamWorks movie. Was there anything else you wanted to note there? It's written by Jeff Nathanson who wrote Catch Me If You Can along with Sasha Gervaisi who's in whatever. And like a lot of the films

that we've talked about in this main series, Spielberg was like acquiring stories or source material or spec scripts for DreamWorks and then would just

keep them around and be like, do I want someone else to direct this? Do I want to direct this? And at one point sort of batted around. There's a real story

of a guy who was stuck in Charles de Gaulle out there for it. I believe he's still there to this day. No, no, no. He finally got out in 07, right after the movie comes out. But Spielberg paid a quarter of a million dollars to buy

his life rights. They are not mentioned in this movie. He's not mentioned in any way. They didn't mention him in the press. They didn't mention him in the fucking DVD special features, any of that, but they bought the rights. Good. I guess he had $250,000 to spend in an airport. Yeah. Apparently he got sick.

I read it. For some reason, I got so involved with this guy. He got sick, and that was what got him out. Yeah, he got sick, so now he's in a- A train station. Yeah, and he's basically near the airport still. They described it as a holding kind of place, and I'm like, this dude still doesn't have a home?

It's a sad situation. Since 88? It's a sad situation. But 88? It's a sad situation. But yeah, they're very loosely inspired by that. Sure. And they sort of take this, a bunch of writers, Andrew Nichol, who wrote The Truman Show. Yep. Sasha Gervaisi, who later did Anvil, the documentary.

I don't like Sasha Gervaisi. I don't either. But remember it was initially announced that Nichol was writing it. Right. And I was like, oh, Andrew Nichol. He likes to play around with like modern sort of dystopic ideas. Oh, a man trapped in an airport. You could do a lot with this.

From the director of Gattaca, it's like there's a lot of potential. Oh, there's some weird kind of like, what is the state? What is a country? In Truman Show, you get into this artificial life, this artificial civilization. Yes, exactly. But then I think where Spielberg and Nathanson and people decide to go with this, no, we want to make this sort of high-concept comic sort of thing, almost like an old Chaplin movie or a Jacques Tati movie,

where it's sort of very broad and very global, sort of like a global movie. Sure. The one I kept thinking of, I mean, they say that the airport's directly modeled after... On playtime. very global, sort of like a global movie. Sure. The one I kept thinking of, I mean, they say that the airport's directly modeled after Playtime. Playtime, the Jack the Tea movie, and the sort of sense of the urgency and the hustle bustle. Playtime's also largely a silent film.

Yeah. So it's not really a good comparison. The airport set is modeled on airports. It looks like an airport. It looks like an airport. Right. That's what it looks like. It looks like an ordinary airport It looks like an airport. That's what it looks like. It looks like an ordinary airport with like a

book stone in it. But crazy stat. And a Dean DeLuca which would never be in an airport. It is a bit of an odd choice for an airport. I read this crazy fucking thing where the entire terminal is a built set which is insane. The movie's budget was 60 million dollars

they took an airport hangar and built a set in it. And that's like almost all of the budget. Right. Because I mean the rest is, it's a pretty simple movie. I feel like they made back, I feel like the budget is lower than it is because of sponsorship. Sponsorship. Of course. They must have gotten money.

You see Starbucks in that thing. You see Burger King. Oh, first off, before we get into this thing. Yeah. Okay. My man goes to Burger King with 75 cents. Yeah, bullshit. Gets a burger

and a penny back. I was trying to remember this. No, but I'm interested. In 2004? No. You don't think Burger King had like a 74 cent burger? No, no.

Let me tell you how I know. Let me tell you how I know. Please tell me. Because I was a Burger King-er over a McDonald's-er, okay? So I was like, if I was in high school, I was fickle.

I was fickle. I went between them. I wanted Wendy's, okay? But I couldn't afford Wendy's because Wendy high school, I was fickle. I was fickle. I went between them. I wanted Wendy's. Okay? But I couldn't afford Wendy's because Wendy's was $1.29 for a burger. Okay? It's the champagne of fast food. The champagne was Wendy's.

It was a straight buck, right? It was 99 cents. 99 cents. Yeah. Right. Burger King was too, but it had to go down in price because Burger King was a little bit over. Burger King was like $1.10.

Yeah. Okay? So you're not, even if, you're not going with 75 cents and get a penny back. Nothing under a dollar. Look, I just got, look, in airports, taxes are weird. Maybe things cost more. Like everything costs way more.

Why not just have him give them four quarters? It would make more sense anyway. Why give the penny back? People buy a movie and then a burger would cost 990.99. They don't buy it and it costs $0.74. My man went there with like $5 worth of quarters and got

a tray full of food. It's like six Whoppers. What is this? And a salad. You can't get that now and they now got discounts. Nonsense. Don't do that to me. That sort of gets to this point which is Spielberg really wanted to make a fantastical movie that had no grounding. When's the last time Spielberg bought

a burger? That's Burger King. That's the real question. You know, he's like George H.W. Bush, not knowing how much milk costs when he's running for president. He's like, what's a burger? 70 cents? If this movie was real, they would have had him get a Hershey's Sunday pie from Burger King. Not trying to do a promo, but that damn pie

is so good. Okay? If you got an extra dollar, you getting the pie. That's what you're getting. You're getting the pie. Especially if you haven't eaten for that long. Exactly. You want to treat yourself, you're getting the pie. You're getting that pie.

You're getting the pie. I'm back on. I'm back on page. Yeah, I feel like he wanted to make like a Lubitsch movie. Like his idea was like, how do I make this light touch film that exists on like an emotional level? You don't have to really deal with the reality of how the situation would work but Spielberg

even when he tries to make something with a light touch the touch is a little heavy like he's such a stylist and he's got all these weird obsessions like he'll funnel into a moment and burrow into it that isn't just like oh this is the moment where this comedy gets a little serious it's like this is a moment where I have to think

about the reality way too much. Dude, this movie is, it's like a lot of interesting ideas and none of them are executed right, in my opinion. But it's like neither fish nor fowl, because you go like, there's a version of this movie that's less intelligent, that works better because it's just, there's a stupid comedy. A high, wacky comedy, yes. And there's a version of this movie that's actually trying to explain

what it's like to be this guy in this situation. And not that it couldn't be funny, but like make it work and this isn't that either no it's tricky because again like i picked this movie because i liked it and it's tricky because like i like certain things about it but i totally agree there's a lot happening and i felt like maybe i feel like sometimes like you ever meet somebody who's like too smart it's like their brain is going so fast. Of course. Yes, right. So they're saying too many things to you at once. Yeah, they're going on too many tangents.

You're saying all the right stuff, all the right stuff, but you're not saying the one cohesive thing. And I felt like, for instance, there was a good story. Like Victor's story was great. Even, oh my goodness, even Stanley Tucci's character, at the end of the day, was a guy who was just trying to do his job. One of my big problems with the movie is Stanley Tucci's character, at the end of the day, was a guy who was just trying to do his job. One of my big problems with the movie is Stanley Tucci's character.

Because again, he's 80% of the way to being the right character. 80%? And then they decide... You need a villain. No, he's a villain. He has no reason to hate Tom Hanks and he suddenly decides to hate him.

But it falls into this pick a lane thing where it's like you could make the movie where you aren't a humanist about it and the guy's just a clear cut villain from the beginning and the whole movie he's an antagonist. He just represents like the state. Right. He's Principal Rooney in fucking Ferris Wheel. He's just red tape. Or you make the version of the movie where it's like

this is a guy whose hands are tied and he's struggling with this as much as Tom Hanks. And instead they go back and forth and you talking about like dudes who are too smart. That's how I feel about this movie where it's like sometimes Spielberg is fully thinking something through at the top of his intelligence and certain things in this movie feel like spielberg shrugging going like i don't know i thought it was cute yeah yes and it's like but you can't play dumb spielberg like yeah right but he kind of is yeah but we know you're able to think to think these things through but like let me take

you through tucci's arc please in this all right. He's in charge of the airport, but he has his boss, who plays him again? Jude Cicacella? No, no. Jude Cicacella is the contractor. Oh, right. Yes. Oh, yeah. Eddie Jones. Eddie Jones, right. Who was on Lois and Clark. Congratulations. To him? Yeah. That's a TV show.

That's a big hit for him. And so I guess his boss is retiring, so he kind of wants his boss's job. Right. So I guess the motivation initially is like he wants to toe the line. He wants to do a good job. Right. He keeps this guy in the airport.

He publicly humiliates him and is chided for it by his boss who says like, you know, come on, man. Sometimes you got to be a hero. This is a real job. And yeah, you got, you know, the rules are not just the rules. In response to this, he decides to, like, enforce the rules more, like, effective. Like, you know, be harsher. Because Tucci goes, like, sometimes, you know, I'm just trying to follow the rules. And the boss is, like.

The boss literally says, like, it's okay. Like, you can bend the rules. He's like, the job's about people. About people. You get it? You can learn something from him. That should be the moment where he realizes. Don't you get it? You can learn something from him. Tucci, who seems to venerate this man, ignores his boss, is meaner to Hanks, gets the job, and then decides to be even meaner to Hanks.

It doesn't make any fucking sense. You expect the scene after the boss to be... He's a petty man. You expect the scene after the boss to be him apologizing. Instead, it's him going to him and going, you fucked me over, so now we're both stuck in hell together. I will make it my life lesson.

You're never escaping. Which makes no sense. You want him out. Yeah. But also it's like how did he fuck him over. Like I mean fuck him over.

What exactly did he do. You know what I'm saying like he's just trying to get out. I think it's the mere fact that's so creepy you think about this in retrospect is like

everyone's watching Victor on his security cams throughout the whole. Sure. Right. They become like fascinated with his behaviors behavior and life

and my thing is if you look you're now the power of the airport and if you say this guy can go he can go right

you want this guy to go you can easily escort him out and never have to think about it again 100% you trap him in a room that has nothing but like

what is it cots and a toilet? Pretty much. For no, like, you basically put him in jail. For no apparent reason. Right.

And I'm like, yeah, they just decided like, oh man, we don't have, we don't have a conflict. Let's add one. That's exactly it.

Let's add one. And like, yes, yes. That is the problem with this movie because, they want,

they want some reason for him to not leave. Like, they decided like, it makes no sense that Hanks wouldn't just leave. Right. So they need, but like, they did it wrong. They came up makes no sense that Hanks wouldn't just leave. But they did it wrong.

They came up with the wrong reasons. Well, the way they do it is like, oh, he's not good at picking up on subtlety. Tucci's trying to give him out and he doesn't do it. No, but then Hanks resists. Victor goes, he says, I'm staying. I want to do it legally. Because he gets that, yeah, if he leaves, then he's in the hands of immigration or whatever and his life could be worse. Look, I would say I cannot think of a modern actor who is better at playing frustration than Stanley Tucci.

Stanley Tucci is great in the movie. He's great. Stanley Tucci is a great actor. He's doing a great job with a crappy character. As written, this is such a good Stanley Tucci character. But this should not have been a Stanley Tucci character. but this should not have been a Stanley Tucci character. I think if the whole point of the movie is that there are governments,

worldwide global machinations at play that are bigger than anyone in this movie, way above the pay grade of the highest ranking character we see in this movie, why not make the movie like a fucking Tom Hanks, Mark Rylance, Bridge of Spies type relationship where it's like the Tucci character is a guy who's trying to find a way to get him out and his hands are tied. Not that he's the antagonist but that it's like he's trying to find a loophole

and they're working together. Can I toss out a and I love Stanley Tucci one of my favorite actors but he's great. I feel like Catherine Zeta-Jones

could have had that part. Not a bad idea. A little more aggressive. I feel like if Catherine Zeta-Jones would have had that part And the thing is Now you take out

And I don't think This movie Now I'm thinking about it Is actually a romcom So I think like They didn't need him To have a love story Period

No Let's get that shit out of here Get that out of here You know what you maybe Replace the love story with A little more talk about jazz Before the last 15 minutes Oh yeah

Where his life's mission Is revealed Yeah I know I swear to Just layer that in I know And they treat it like It's gonna be such a drop before the last 15 minutes where his life's mission is revealed. I know. I swear to, just layer that in. I know. And they treat it like it's going to be such a drop

that like the planner's can is like rosebud and the whole movie you're going like. Yeah, man, they keep going, what's in the can? Right.

And he's like, oh, you know, it's Art Cain's famous photo of Harlem jazz musicians from the 50s. Yeah, and that's also pretty sweaty to go like, my dad saw this photo

and liked the photo so much that he wanted all the autographs. Not, my that's also pretty sweaty to go like, my dad saw this photo and liked the photo so much that he wanted all the autographs. Not, my dad listened to this record and liked the musicians so much. Why don't you have him overhearing jazz in the airport and maybe being like suddenly displaying some kind of like awareness or expertise about it. When he does construction, he's always listening to jazz.

That's true. He's always listening. It's never addressed. It's never addressed. And I didn addressed. I mean, until the end. And I didn't even think about it until now you're bringing it up. Because I was like, why is it always his jazz when he's doing stuff? I was like, where is it? And the thing is, it was one part because I couldn't notice the headphones. I'm like, does he have a boom box we don't know about?

Or is this playing in the airport? How does he build that fucking fountain also? It's a mosaic. No clue. He builds like a subway wall. Where did the piece? Yo, listen. I like it.

I don't have answers for you guys. Let's go to the beginning of this movie, okay? Beginning of the movie. Opening's kind of well done. Nice. Yeah. There's a lot of hubbub. I mean, it's Spielberg doing a really good job.

Let me tell you my favorite things about the movie. Opening minute, closing credits. Love those credits. Credits and credits are great. The autographs. The thing is, like, when the airport, when it's's like uh delayed arriving i've haven't seen an old school like in an airport i've seen them at train stations i'm like first off this new york city yeah we don't have this shit they don't we go digital baby we go digital before anyone else yeah we

go digital i'm gonna let that slide but i'm but I get what they were going for. He wanted the romantic. The Spielberg touch. The whimsy of the clacking. Victor Noworski arrives in JFK. Passport gets declined. Kokoja. He's from Kokoja. He's taken to an office by Stanley Tucci and Barry Shabaka Henley.

But even the very opening of this I like with there's quick cut in cross-action between Hanks waiting to get stamped and Tucci on the monitors looking for problems and he goes oh look at that group they're all wearing the disney shirts yeah when's the last time you saw a group an asian group without a camera and it's like yeah racial profiling oh yeah that's true that i forgot about that right because like tucci's like showing off what an expert he is right yeah he's like bunch of Chinese with no camera? What are you fucking kidding me? Someone go down there.

Someone, let me go down there. And then so right, they're running around. There's like a sort of chase happening in the background. It's like Hanks in shallow focus trying to answer these questions from like the guard, the security officer, whatever it is. Yeah. And in the background, you just see all this hullabaloo of the arrest happening, which is like kind of-

He's played by, what's his name? Corey Reynolds, right? Right. It's because he comes back, Corey Reynolds. He was Seaweed in the original production of Hairspray. Oh. Fair enough. Which I believe I saw twice on Broadway.

I thought I knew a lot of movie and TV facts. You guys know a lot. He was in like Straight Outta Compton. We go hard. He was in Red Tail. He's like been around. I know that guy. He's not like a-

Yeah, I remember that he was in- He was in Red Tails with... Why am I forgetting his name now? Elijah Kelly, who was the movie version. Who's fucking great. That's it. Yeah. All three guys who have played Seaweed in big productions.

Mm-hmm. Phenomenal. Mm-hmm. Anyway, he gets called in to Tucci's office. And this is like minute five. The movie's moving fast. Yeah. Tucci is trying to explain it to him.

Tom Hanks is doing the kind of like, yes, yes, but like doesn't seem to know what's going on. I would say when I was in Paris, I couldn't understand French. And like that was legit what I was going through. I was like,

I don't, I don't know what's happening. Like, what are you saying? And it's just, I could feel for him at this point, guys. I once triggered an international incident in Paris because I,

it doesn't matter. Wait, no, I didn't have a stamp in my passport because I have a British passport and an American passport. I had flown into Britain and then taken the train

from Britain to Paris and I was leaving Paris with my American passport. They opened my passport. They don't see a stamp for getting into France. They were about to arrest me. Like they lost their minds. They couldn't believe it. And they were yelling at me in French.

You thought they were going to take your planner's can? How'd you get out of it? I produced my British passport and they were like, oh, don't do that again. Oh. Wasn't that interesting a story? I was going to say it's like some Batman type shit. It's like I had to go, had to call somebody, they had to come down. Yeah, I was sky lifted out of there.

This is my first question for you guys. Don't you think Stanley Juj is a little rude summing up the civil war of his home country with an apple smashing a bag of potato chips all over him? The monologue that I delivered. And also ruining a bag of potato chips.

Didn't he want to eat those? So disrespectful. He gets the chips on Victor. that I delivered. Yeah. And also ruining a bag of potato chips. Didn't he want to eat those? So disrespectful. So disrespectful. He gets the chips on Victor. Yes. Rude. So disrespectful. At least have them go just sort of

in another direction. Yeah. And it also, that didn't help. It didn't clarify. It doesn't help at all. He's like, Krakosia,

bam. Like, he doesn't get any. So disrespectful. What's happening in Krakosia? They're bursting everyone's potato chip bags? What's going on?

Also, you don't have like someone who can speak. There's no translators at this airport. Isn't it a civil war? What's the apple? It's more that the bag of potato chips is consuming itself. Right.

It's like exploding from the inside. There's no apple. Right. That's not a good depiction of a political coup. You know, like a takeover. Yeah, anyway. But here's my question for you guys. And it's like, I don't know how you do this properly.

It's a really fine line to walk. But especially in the first 30 minutes of this movie, I feel like Hanks comes off very dumb. Yeah. Yes. And part of it, yes. He's playing more of a Chaplin-esque character, which is, yeah, just the dumb foreigner.

Who's like, oh, oh, oh, Kerkosia, Big Apple. Any movie where you've written that one character doesn't speak the language that every other character is speaking, and you have, like, the lack of communication, the loss in translation element, of course it's going to be, like, the obliviousness and whatever. But I feel like every time they say something to him, he misinterprets it with a smile and then, like, repeats a bunch of shit. Right. Which makes him seem, like, a little slow.

Yeah. Yeah. Makes him seem slow. They're very serious. He's being taken into an office by a bunch of shit. Right. Which makes him seem a little slow. Yeah. Makes him seem slow. They're very serious. He's being taken into an office by a cop. He's talking to a... You'd think he might know, oh, this isn't routine.

This doesn't usually happen when you arrive in America. He can't pick up on physical cues at all. It's the one thing that he's not understanding the language they're speaking. Here's my other question. Yeah. Where's the Kirkosian translator?

Yeah. That's what I'm saying. There should have been someone who could... This is my thing. I did not like the first half of this movie, really. Yeah. If you don't have someone in there, you can call a number and get someone on the phone who speaks it.

Like, America does employ translators. Yes. A very easy job. A very easy job. But the thing that's so interesting is, like, I think, again, I hate to rewrite the movie, but it would have been better served if he could understand some English. Yes. Yeah. right from the start. From the very start.

Especially since he comes off dumb. Because he comes off that he knows the weird thing where it's like he can't leave, but he has to stay in the airport lounge. It's a hard thing to sell. And it also means that later in the movie when he picks up a People magazine that is in both Caucasian and English

that he's able to learn the entire language quickly. It's like if he already was kind of half the way there, him becoming more fluent would be a lot easier to digest than him going from knowing five words to knowing like the entire cast of Friends. And the wait would have been, like this is my thing. One of the,

I had a problem with this movie up until his first night when he slept. Like, because up until that point when he finally sees a TV, right? And all of a sudden, he has this big emotional moment

of like, oh shit, Kikosha is like, war, so many emotions. And I'm like, that almost felt unjustified because of the fact that we heard everyone

trying to tell him this. Yes. And the mere fact that we see this on TV and now he's running around trying to find TVs to do this. Imagine how powerful it would have been

if he would have known when he left that office that my sister, my daughter, like, then if you would have saw it on TV, you wouldn't have had

to have him run around. It would have been a moment of looking up, sitting down, sadness. It would have been like, it would have been a weight that...

Yeah. I mean, I think Hanks does a good job with the emotion. He's a good, you know, he's a good actor. Good actor. I'll say that. I think Tom Hanks is a good actor. I think Tom Hanks does a good job with the emotion. He's a good actor. Good actor. I'll say that. I think Tom Hanks is a good actor.

I think Tom Hanks is pretty good. Tom Hanks is in my top four. Yeah, he's really fucking solid. And then, yeah, he decides to stay there. He goes to a gate that's not yet built. Right. He pushes some chairs together. Unscrews them from the ground.

True. Pushes them together, make his own little bed. He also got chairs together. Unscrews them from the ground. True. And then pushes them together and make his own little bed. Yeah. He also got through customs. Now. And this is a post 9-11 movie. Let's be clear. He got through customs a fucking Swiss Army kit.

And I'm like, bruh, you're not getting that through security. I tried to take a razor, like just a simple razor I use on my face. That's a good point. To check on. And they literally went in my bag, pulled it out, and was like, you need to throw this away. Why do you have to? Like, oh, it's like they undid my razor.

It was like, I wanted to shave when I went there. Easy to answer that question. What do you plan to do with this? Shave my face. It's used for shaving faces. Yeah. You can take it, though. I get it.

I get it. My man had a freaking, yo, no. It's insane. So now, yeah, he's set up in this situation. They give him meal vouchers. They're like, this will hopefully blow over soon. But then it becomes clear like 15 minutes in the... What they think is going to happen is within a day, immigration will sort this out or whatever.

He'll get a visa. They don't think it's going to be long term. Wontouchi just doesn't want this to be his problem. So he thinks once it starts becoming clear that it's not going to resolve quickly, he thinks either he's going to try to leave and get arrested, at which point he's not my problem, or he'll succeed, at which point he's not my problem. And this guy is so noble, wants to do things the right way.

My problem with the movie is it doesn't accurately communicate if he's just being a stand doesn't accurately communicate if he's just being a stand-up guy or if he's smart enough to know his problem would be worse if he just, you know, was delivered into

the hands of the INS. The third flavor is sometimes I think they play it like he's just oblivious. Yes. They alternate between different places.

But then he has this early in the moment where he holds his passport up to or whatever his documents up to. I wait. I wait.

To the security camera. Also, does he ever use these meal vouchers? where he holds his passport up to or whatever his documents up to. I wait. I wait. Also, does he ever use these meal vouchers? I don't think so. He has the meal vouchers and I see him doing like bread, like cracker sandwiches. Right, he does his gross saltine sandwiches.

Which he never eats. Because they're not making Tom Hanks eat that. Tom Hanks ain't about to eat that. They always cut away when it's about to go into his mouth. I picked up on this because I remember the first time not understanding what happened to the meal vouchers.

The moment is really poorly covered. It's a weird case where Spielberg didn't visually explain something well enough. When he goes, there's the girl next to him who is Steven Spielberg's real life daughter, Sasha Spielberg, playing the girl who's struggling to get her suitcase closed. Oh, that's right. And at that moment, there's a pile of meal vouchers next to him. You see a close-up of him counting the meal vouchers. They go into the garbage.

Right. Then he goes to break her suitcase. He goes to try to fit it in, ends up breaking it. And in the process, the meal vouchers fly away. That's why he wants to reach into Pagoda's garbage. Oh, that's why he keeps trying to go into trash. But the thing they don't give you weirdly is the shot of the meal vouchers like going into the garbage which is such a basic

spielberg thing to do if like he's so good at like covering an object so you understand where it is no you're right he doesn't do a good job it's like you see the meal vouchers especially and you're telling me you're making a jacques tati homage like that is all about like those little like uh you know moments building up and like this sort of like elaborateness you can get from a simple comedy like you know a misplaced thing or someone right yeah uh that's why i don't buy the whole like oh it's a playtime for the 21st century this is essentially like you see the male vouchers then you see him go to try to fix the woman's suitcase the thing kind of flies away but like in the corner of the frame so you don't

really see it and then the next thing you see is Pagoda. I'm going to call him Pagoda. In honor of how you were referred to by their favorite roles. Listen, man, that's how people know him. They didn't know him by that. Listen, I agree. Kumar Palana. Kumar Palana, aka Pagoda.

You just see him sweeping up garbage. And included in that garbage pile is the meal vouchers. But you don't really see that clearly. And then the next thing you see is Hanks reaching into the garbage, which at this point he's done enough weird shit that you're like, I don't know, maybe he likes garbage? Like it doesn't read as the meal voucher. I want you guys to tell me how old do you think Kumar Palana is

when he makes this movie? In this movie? Well, he died about four years ago. He died in 13. 67. I think he's 75. 85 years old. He looks great. He's 85 in this movie? He died.

He was 94. Geez. Wow. That's pretty crazy. Yeah. Wow. So that's- It's crazy.

Good genes. He's a good looking guy. He has some good lotion, man. You got the lotion on. Yeah, that's a good lotion. So I'll just say, I'll use this opportunity now to explain that Hank's at Victor meets a bunch of different people in the airport. Yes. And I'm just going to run them down. Uh-huh. I'll just run them'll use this opportunity now to explain that Hank's Victor meets a bunch of different people in the airport

and I'm just gonna run him down I'll just run him down for you guys You got Kumar Palana as Gupta who's an Indian immigrant or refugee almost like he fled

from India He murdered a cop by accident No he tried to kill him I'm sorry He stabbed a cop Which by the way they glazed it

quickly over I mean corrupt cop but nonetheless Attempted murder Ran away from his wife and child and has been living. He's a janitor in the airport. They didn't even say he sent them money. Like, does he even talk to the family?

They don't really talk about it. You've got Diego Luna as Enrique, who is a food service worker. Is a real creep and a fuck boy. Yeah, a little bit. I have a lot of problems with Enrique. We're going to talk about it. This is the worst part of the movie. His character is so weird. Is it Chee McBride or Chy McBride? I believe it lot of problems with this guy. We're going to talk about it. This is the worst part of the movie. His character is so weird.

Is it Chee McBride or Chime McBride? I believe it's Chime McBride. Chime McBride as Joe who's like a baggage handler. I had to call him the principal from Boston Public

which I believe we'll shout out in a future episode. No, maybe we were just talking about it. See, I like to call him the chief from Undercover Brothers.

That's my favorite Chime McBride. Chime McBride's great. Remember he was on Poaching Daisies? he's selling so many cool things they give him no character he doesn't get a lot to do and also he's fourth build yeah is he yeah just crazy he was hot at this moment uh zoe saldana is dolores who is an immigration i have problems with her in this movie too me too but she's the stamp lady she's pretty cute i mean like she is but they the way they do her man man, we treat women bad.

Yes, we do. Good God. There are only two female characters in this movie, and both of them are treated really poorly. This movie isn't, yeah, that's its biggest problem.

What were you going to say about Zoe Saldana, though? Is she like Star Trek? Yeah, oh, it's cute now because we know she's a her. That's the big thing. I feel like that's the most lasting legacy to this movie is,

oh, do you know there was a movie where Zoe Saldana plays a Trekkie before? Oh yeah, true. That's like the big thing. That's basically it. Jude Ciccolella Ciccolella, sorry, is the contractor who Victor eventually works for. But yeah, that's basically the cast. It's a colorful cast.

A lot of people of color. Very diverse cast. More diverse than most Spielberg movies that aren't specifically about. He at least seems to understand that, yeah, you're meeting a bunch of people working in airports, not going to be a bunch of white people probably. It's going to be a more mixed cast. I mean, okay.

It doesn't give any of them a ton to do. This might be his most diverse. I'm forgetting movies like Amistad and Color Purple. Oh, he did? Did he direct Amistad? We had to do a whole episode about it. Our whole episode was pretty much about how he shouldn't have directed that movie. I mean, he did? Did he direct Amistad? Oh, yes. We had to do a whole episode about it. Our whole episode was pretty much about how he shouldn't have directed that movie. I mean, he did Color Purple, and that was like a whole thing.

Yeah, he did Color Purple. It was a whole thing. He takes a while, and then he's like, I'm going to make Amistad. I didn't learn any lessons from Color Purple. Yeah, and not to harp on this point, but Amistad was his first DreamWorks movie. He ran a studio. He literally could have hired anyone to direct it. Like, it's not an argument of like, well, if I don't direct it, it's not gonna get made.

It's like, dude, you can hire Spike and get the movie. You can greenlight it tomorrow. You have greenlight power. People got mad at me on our podcast because we reviewed Selma, and we were talking about Ava DuVernay, and that what I didn't know is that, and so we did it, was that she had to write Martin Luther King's speeches

because Steven Spielberg... They didn't have King speeches because Steven Spielberg had them. But apparently she went to him to get the rights, at least for like one or two speeches to like using this movie because his King movie is not on his slate yet. No, that's never going to get fucked. Never. Maybe before Selma,

but not after that movie comes out. It's on a huge pile of like maybes. Yeah. Right. And I remember I got very upset at the fact that he owned them and wouldn't give it to this black female director to make this movie. Yeah, that sucks. Sure.

And I was like, this is terrible. And I'm like, I understand you wanted to do Amistad. I understand you wanted to do Color Purple. But like, bruh, there's certain ways to do things, man. Yes. And not to rehash this point, but the difference is Color Purple, it feels like he really does want to make that movie Amistad it feels like a vacation

where he's like oh why not try something like this there's not the same sense of passion behind Amistad no Color Purple is he reads a book

and is like I love this book I'm passionate about this I have the clout to get it made I'll spend my cash someone else could have made the Color Purple

someone else could have made the Color Purple that movie was a huge hit I never want to be in a position to say certain directors can't direct certain things but I'm like someone else could have made the color purple. Someone else could have made the color purple. Yeah, I mean, this is my thing. That movie, that book was a huge hit. But I think it's so tricky because I never want to be in a position to say certain directors can't direct certain things. But I'm like, if there's a movie, for instance, about a coming-of-age story about a young girl

and things she has to deal with, I don't know that life. Right. Okay, I can read about it. I can study about it. I can ask my family members and friends, but I don't know it. So if there's a woman director who knows it and feels passionate,

I'm like, you know little things that I will never understand. Do it. But on the other hand, if you're making, if there's a script about a young girl, but there is something within the source material or the story itself that really relates to you that you're personally passionate about, I feel like you could direct a movie, even if the character is different than you.

I agree. Because the story speaks to you. You watch Amistad and it's just like, oh yeah, this is important. It should be made. It doesn't feel like he has any personal investment. I think everything you guys are saying is correct. And we also all said it in our Amistad episode.

We did this. All right. But still, it's important to get that on the record. The Try McBride character is weird to me because later in the film when we, Stanley Tucci is trying to like trap Tom Hanks. Which is unnecessary.

Right. Bad scene. Yep. We'll get to that scene in more depth. But he's explaining like, if you leave, I'm going to arrest

your three friends. Here are the arrestable offenses. One is, Pagoda tried to kill a guy. And it's like, great, that's it. I get that. And it's been established

within the body of the movie. Yep. The second one is, hey, Diego Luna keeps on letting people into the food kitchen. And it's just you. It's a fireable offense, maybe. Nothing more than that. But whatever. You're not going to deport him.

They present it as more of a sanitary issue. Yeah, I don't know about that. It's a slap on the wrist, in my opinion. But at least that's been established in the movie. I know what you're getting to here. And then they go, Chai McBride. And you go like, wait a second. What could he throw at Chai McBride?

Chai McBride hasn't done anything in this movie other than just go like, eh, Victor. You know? Like, he's had no plot line. He's had like no arc. He's had no details. He's just the fourth guy in the scene. And they go, oh, he's smoking weed a lot. He runs that poker game you've seen.

That illegal poker game. But I want to point out, they don't play for money in the poker game. No. It's literally not an illegal poker game. Yes. They don't play for money. And make sure you know that. Yeah, they say it. Yes. They don't play for money. And it makes sure you know that. Yeah, they say it. They say we don't play for money. Right, so then they

have to go like, oh, he's drinking and smoking. Yeah, there's like marijuana there. Come on. Like, don't do this. We haven't seen him smoke anything this whole movie. No, that shit's not going to stand up. The movie does him dirty. Does him dirty. I mean, can we go to Diego Luna's character now? Yeah. Absolutely, because

at this point, the movie is basically, like we said, episodic, and it's kind of just Victor bouncing around these different characters and sort of participating in their little stories. Right. And, of course, then Captain Zeta-Jones is showing up every once in a while, and they have this sort of ongoing quasi-flirtation,

which is essentially the story is like, she's sleeping, like, she's a stewardess. Don't stewardesses always just sort of like, you know, they basically say they just have a bunch of sex. Yeah, yeah. Sleep with men at different ports of call. But also no self-respect. No self-respect.

She's defined by the fact that she keeps on getting into bad relationships. She's defined by a big twist where it turns out she's old. She's in her late 30s, guys. Which is insane. It's a weird moment. You're telling me like her whole first off her storyline

legit garbage her storyline legit is she's sleeping with Michael Nouri but the whole thing is she's like I haven't even asked

I never even asked him sleeping with the married man she encourages the married man to get back with his wife still sleep with him I'm talking about a counseling what kind of lunatic am I I'm rooting for the whole team

and then like like she's 39 but she lies that she 33, but the men she has sex with think she's 27. Uh-huh. Yeah. Then she keeps asking out Victor because she just has to be with somebody. Because he's nice to her, and then she'll be like, shit, shit, what's wrong with me? Why am I even asking you out?

Because he's like the only man that A, hasn't lied to her, and B, doesn't immediately hit on her. Because he mostly just listens and doesn't say much. And he doesn't grab her ass. Because everyone, when she's on flights, people just grab her ass. She's always getting groped. Which is a thing that may happen. But my thing is, you're telling me you have this female character, right? This woman.

This woman. An actress who just won an Oscar. And the thing is, even if she made this before she won it, you knew she did Chicago. Big actress, above the title. It's Tom Hanks you knew she did Chicago. Big actress above the title. Like, you know, it's Tom Hanks and Catherine Zeta-Jones are on the title. And you're telling me that you cannot think to write a character that has more depth than what this portrays? It's insane. Because my thing is, like, you have kids.

Would you want your daughter to see this character and be like, this is the woman I want to be when I grow up? It's like, they could have gave her anything. You know who's the third biggest female character in this film? Steven Spielberg's daughter as the woman who can't close her suitcase. Just going like, oh my god, dad! That guy just broke my suitcase. I can see when you're writing the script of a movie set in an airport, you're like, who should the love interest be?

I know, a stewardess, obviously, because they're in and out of the airport. That'll be fun. It can be like every 20 minutes, like you said. Which I like that idea. It could be an idea. Then they're like, huh. And also, it's 1962. Stewardesses just sleep with married men, right?

That's where then they fall off a cliff. Right. And then the extrapolation they make from that is, okay, so if she sleeps with married men all the time, she must hate herself. that is, okay, so if she sleeps with married men all the time, she must hate herself, and that's the defining point of her personality is that she hates herself because she fucks too many men. It is all about relationships. I'm like, and that's

the thing, but it's like, can she... First off, did this movie pass the Bechdel test? It's impossible that it does. How could it? It's an airport in the city of South Dana. Don't talk to each other. I mean, it should. It's an airport full of people. There's like... Yes. I mean... There cannot be a moment where two women talk to each other. I mean, it should. It's an airport full of people. There's like... Yes. I mean... There cannot be a moment

where two women talk to each other in this movie. Let alone talk to each other about it. Not even talk about anyone other than him, but like... Okay. All right, but so then following on this theme,

let's talk about Diego Luna's character. I was going to say, rather than go chronologically because this is so episodic, let's focus on each one. So that's CZJ's storyline. And then, of course, it ends with them going on a date that is fine, I guess.

But then she's like, you know what? I'm fucked up. You know, you don't want to be near me. Which is, like, first off, I understand having commitment issues. I totally get it. I totally get it. I got him. Okay?

I got him. I get it. All green lights. But you're telling me, after this whole thing, like, he builds her this, this, this. Yeah, he makes this, like, crazy sort of fountain for her. And also Koda does the dish spinning. There's some, like, yeah, yeah. There's some fake, like, flirtation they have where they both like history, but only she does.

Exactly. So you make it like she's actually pursuing him almost, right? So it's the whole thing. She's coming back. She remembers him. She, like, talks to him about history. And all of a sudden, once she does something nice for him, it's like, I had to go to the dude to get this.

I'm a horrible person. I told you. I told you not to fall in love with a woman like me. Stay away from me. The last shot is her with Michael Nouri. Yeah. And you see him putting his hand on her back. She says-

She sees him when he leaves. When he's leaving. They have a moment. But then that moment is just like she looks at him yeah like you made her into you almost made her into a villain

for no reason she also says stay away from me I'm sick stay away from me I'm sick right like she's a fucking werewolf and she's like

you can't love me I'm going to turn into a wolf and bite you in the throat and it's like why just because like she has the least self respect I've ever seen

in a character. And then even when Stanley Tucci goes to her and has a moment of, I mean, basically what he says is, you're hot. Why do you like this guy? And you give her this moment of a person like you would never understand, which is such a, like, and the thing is, I understand when it's like, it could be powerful, it could not be. But, like, she says the thing of, like, I see past this physical thing.

And it's like, you gave her be, but like, she says the thing of like, I see past this physical thing, and it's like, you gave her that, but then you dropped it. Yeah, what's the very next scene she has after that? That scene cuts out after she says that line

where she explains to him, like, a man like you could never understand, the implication being that after all these guys have treated her like garbage her entire life,

here's the one guy who's not groping her, who's not lying to her, then a hard cut to her storming back to Victor Nvoski and saying, you fucking lied to me. Why did you tell me you were a contractor? Why didn't you tell me

you've been living here for nine months? Which is the thing I fucking hate. He did. He did, but also, he barely speaks English. Yeah, right. You look at that first scene where she's asking questions. Maybe have an ounce of compassion for the man who is stateless. Yeah. And also,

he did try to tell you. Also, he did try to tell you. Yeah, he said, I live in the airport. The first scene, he keeps on going, I live in the airport. She goes, I know, I feel like that too. What do you do for a living? I go from building to building. Oh, you're a contractor? She's the one who creates the lies and he's like, I don't know.

What he says in that scene is, you see what you want in the men. He says, I told you, you see what you want in the men. Yeah. He says, he's like, I told you, you see what you want. And it's like, we all do that. Also, guess what? Later in the movie, he becomes a contractor. So he wasn't lying. He becomes a paid contractor.

All right. Okay. Diego Luna. I know we're done with Catherine Tina Jones. I hate, hate, hate. All right. We've all been on wet record that we don't like it. No, but I was going to say, specifically, I hate the caught in a lie thing.

No, it's true. It's a terrible trope. The guy lies about something, and then the woman gets upset about the lie, and it always feels like- And then he has to take her on a date or do something, like build her a fountain. But it always feels like the way those scenes play out, it always feels in execution like she's more upset about realizing he has less status than he does than she is about the lying. And this movie does that too, where it's like she has so little sympathy for what he's

going through, and it's just like, I thought you were a contractor who owned an apartment. You're a bum who lives in an airport. I mean, it didn't do her justice. Diego Luna's character bothers me. Diego Luna's character. Enrique, the food guy, he brings Victor food. I don't even know where to start, man.

I remember, I'm so mad thinking about him, actually. Diego Luna had been in Ito Mama Tambien just a couple years ago, so he's just starting to be in Hollywood. Dirty Dancing Havana Nights comes out earlier that year. That's right. That was his first big American studio movie. He's in Frida. He's in Open Range in 03, which he's great in. Oh, really? He has Button. Have you never seen Open Range? I've never seen it. What a studio movie. He's in Frida. He's in Open Range in 03, which he's great in.

Oh, really? Have you never seen Open Range? I've never seen it. What a great movie. The Cause directed that, right? Yeah, Big Cause. Dirty Dancing, yeah. You know what you got to say.

And then after this, he takes it easy for a while. He does Spanish language movies mostly. Comes back to America with Milk. And starts to make, again, more like him. You ain't say it yet. You ain't say it yet. You ain't say it yet. He also starred in Star Wars Rogue One which just this year

passed a bill. A billion. And he has his accent in that movie and I'm like, good for you, man. Also, we should note, he wants to touch Yabba and you should let him touch Yabba. Have you seen the video?

Yes. No, does he? The montage of 18 different press events where he's doing Rogue One. And they're like, what do you like about Star Wars? And he's like, I love Yabba the Hutt. Yabba is so interesting. Oh my God. That was my interview.

I directed that. It's like him and Felicity Jones. There's one of them. I'm sure one of the ones you did. He wants to touch Yabba. He does. This is my thing though that man is so likable

that man is so likable right very likable they made him into such a creepy he's such a creepy man this movie thinks that he's likable

and cute right like right the movie is like aww like he admires Zoe Saldana from afar it doesn't it's the

it stands up to no scrutiny see but let me tell you the thing about this though is I think now that we're living in like a more progressive we sell Donna from afar. It doesn't, it's the, it stands up to no scrutiny. See, but you, let me tell you the thing about this though, is I think now that we're living in like a more progressive,

we have a more progressive mindset is that back in the day, this might've worked. It was like, in 1947. Yeah, yeah, this might've worked.

But now we understand is that you can't just look at a woman from a distance and talk to somebody like, hey, I need to, what does he say? Tame her?

Yes. Like he goes on a monologue like I need to, she's a wild horse. A wild horse, I need to tame. I'm like, what the? That is correct. does he say? Tame her? Yes. Like, he goes on a monologue like, I need to. She's a wild horse. A wild horse. I need to tame. I'm like, what the? That is correct.

He does say that. He does say that. And he says something else that I can't remember. Like a stallion, yes. Yes, a stallion. He calls her a couple of things. And I'm like, first off, that's not how you talk about somebody that you think you're in love with.

Probably not. And not only that, but like, you're going about it with a guy to like, get info. From her on a daily basis. The idea is that he's noticed that Victor goes to the immigration desk every day, so he interacts with Zoe Saldana every day. And he makes her laugh. He makes her laugh. And she likes him even though he's a pain in the ass.

And Saldana makes it clear to him, you're not going to get approved. I can only go so far. I can't do anything for you. But every day he's going to go to her no matter what. Yeah. Diggle Luna, who let's point out, up until this point, his group, his Tri-McBride, Pagoda, Diggle Luna group has been pushing out Noworski because Pagoda thinks that he's a CIA agent. Yes.

Stop calling him Pagoda, goddammit. It's a treat to drop. Yeah, thank you. I respect you for it. Yes, Pagoda has decided that like Victor is like a spy or something. Right. So they're like. He has reason to be paranoid, we learned because he stabbed someone.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Thank goodness you finally get to that because I was like, why are we doing this spy thing, man? But the thing is, so he's paying Victor in meals, right? Paying Victor in meals to get info. But it's such a creepy thing that I'm like.

It also doesn't make any fucking sense. Just talk to her. But I mean, I've been nervous to talk to women sometimes I've been like I will go to a legitimate

friend of hers and be like yo what is she like like okay I'm gonna like but to say

I'm gonna help me tame help me help me like whatever it also it ends up being so you see like

months and months. Because this movie does a weird, it kind of does the Groundhog Day thing where it's like, you can't even keep track of how long he's been there. Has it been a year? Has it been a week? Right. Like it plays really fast and loose with time. The difference is that Groundhog Day is like metaphysical.

We're not talking about Groundhog Day. You know what I'm saying? I do. And this movie takes place in quote unquote the real world. And you're like, wait, but actually how long has it been? How much time has passed? What do you think? Like a year? Yeah. No, they say,'re like, wait, but actually how long has it been? How much time has passed? What do you think? Like a year?

Yeah. No, they say she says, I didn't know how long it was until. She says nine months. She says nine months. When she catches him. So like no one knows until she says nine months. Right. So I don't know how far into that Diego Luna comes in with the food, but you assume it's

pretty early because. A month in maybe. You can't make it that long off of just crackers. Right. And they nip the trolley return system, the cart return system pretty quickly. So it's like, they're like maybe three to six months

of him every day just trying to like pump information out of Saldana. Now, still would be creepy, but like on a more functional story level, you would want to see Tom Hanks goes, he gets some information out of her, and then what you see is Diego Luna going and starting a conversation with her using the information

that he's found out. Instead, what's happened is Diego Luna just stockpiles the information in the hollowed out nest of a tree. Correct. For like six months until he's ready to talk to her. Yes, he digs a hole in the ground and whispers the information into it. Right. And just every day is like, more information, Good. I'll write it down my book and

not talk to her and just learns everything he can about her until they finally just go like your secret admirer because she has certain point picks up on the fact clearly these questions are being asked because of some guy. It's some guy here. You have to imagine this go on take it into her own hands and be like

I'm going to figure it out. Right. And finally the final denouement is Tom H, when Diego Luna has still never spoken to her. Has not met her. Right. Tom Hanks slides a ring. A wedding ring. You're making me not like this movie now. Sorry, buddy.

This drives me insane. It's an odd choice. And says, if you want to meet your secret admirer, he'll be waiting at Sabar. She goes, I don't get off until blank o'clock. And he says, he'll be waiting at Sabar. She goes, I don't get off until blank. A clock, and he says, he'll be waiting. He'll be waiting. And then you see the shot of Diego Luna sitting

nervously, shaking his leg. He wants to touch Yaba. Drinking. He wants to touch Yaba. He's drinking soda. The texture of him. He's such an interesting character.

The tongue. The tongue. He wants to touch Yaba. He's thinking about Yaba. Zoe Saldana comes up. He feels her presence over his shoulder. He turns around.

She does the live long and prosper Vulcan salute she does she turns her hand around that's cute perfectly cute it's like perfectly cute if maybe they've gone on a few dates and he knew this and this is Spielberg like trying to do like light touch it's a lube bitch moment it's a purely gesture moment you convey whatever

turns the Vulcan salute around and the rings on her finger makes no sense she's gonna marry him? Hard cut to them in a fucking airport fucking golf cart. Makes no sense. Just married. We never see them have a conversation the entire film. Yeah, well, I mean,

this is the, you know, yeah. There's no way to even defend this. No. Garbage. Forgetting the creepy, you know know nice guy quote unquote overtones of it that are bad

but it works it doesn't make any goddamn sense that this is why it sucks because the movie makes it like oh you can do

this creepy shit and it works not only that and it just turns them all into like dumb two dimensional like you know like

I could be meaner about it but basically just dumb two dimensional characters who are like oh la la la I love you like let's get married I don't know it's just well Zoe doesn't serve a purpose she's good I could be meaner about it, but basically just dumb too much characters who are like, oh, la, la, la, I love you. Let's get married.

I don't know. Well, Zoe doesn't serve a purpose. She's good. In this movie, she's good. She's great. But she doesn't serve any purpose but to have Diego Luna marry her at the end. Right. Her only other purpose is that she gives Tom Hanks the green stamp.

Finally. There's a finality to that. But my thing is, why couldn't she have been one of the friends? Yes. She should be one of the friends. She should be in the group. Diego should have a crush on her and not be able to tell her. And Tom Hanks should eventually help him start a conversation with her. That's how it should work.

She should just be a friend. She should just be a friend. She had been in Center Stage. Uh-huh. Get Over It. Uh-huh. Crossroads. Crossroads with Britney Spears. Uh-huh. Drumline. I love her on Drumline. Pirates of the Caribbean where she slaps Johnny Depp in the face.

I think it's just, that's it basically. I think twice in the movie she slaps him. Yeah. And this was it. So then, you know, she was on a nice upward, you know, no superstardom yet. And then after this she becomes the queen of sci-fi. Yeah, a little bit while after this because Star Trek's 09. What does she do after this?

She makes a lot of movies that I've never really heard of. I mean, she's the love interest in Guess Who? But that's a thankless role. Yeah. She's who Aaron... Jesus.

Ashton Kutcher is marrying. She had that one action movie. What was it? Columbiana. Was that before this? No, Columbiana is 11. She doesn't know it. Wow, that's that long.

I never understood why they didn't give her more of those. She is really good in Columbiana, which is a shitty movie, but it was like, if fucking Mila Jojovic

and Kate Beckinsale can do like a thousand movies. My guess is that she doesn't want to, but I'm not sure because I'm pretty sure she could set up another small to mid-budget

action movie if she wanted to. Even if she didn't want to do Columbiana 2. She's pretty fucking busy, man. I know. And she's in Live By Night. That must have taken,

she's in a lot of big movies. She's great. She's actually, the thing is, I tell you this, I feel like we're, like, we're on a feminist diary right now,

but it's like, I feel like the thing is, she's pretty. That's the problem. Yes. She's gorgeous. She's pretty. The thing is, like,

and it does happen with men sometimes. It's like, you look at, like, a Brad Pitt, it's like, you have to become such a thing where,

like, oh, you're so handsome, you only can do leading man action movies, but if you're an actress oh you're so handsome you only can do leading man action movies but if you're an actress and you're pretty you will only get pretty roles

until something until you either get older right like I saw a movie with Mila Kunis playing a mom and I'm like yeah she is a mom in real life but I'm like you don't have to

make her a mom right now no well all right okay now we're all now we're all sounding very sorry sorry we're all a bunch of allies okay guys yeah we're look this is a very

woke podcast not only this isn't even a purpose of being woke but it? Look, this is a very woke podcast. This isn't even a purpose of being woke, but we're just throwing away these characters. You ain't even got to... Zoe Saldana served no purpose in this movie but to get married. Woke me if you cast? Woke me if you cast. Steven Wokeberg.

Can I just... I want to re-underline a certain point. Woke terminal. Okay? On a basic story function level, though it still would have been creepy as fuck, creepy AF, right? Diego Luna never does anything

with the information that Tom Hanks gives him. Ever. He collects the information. Then proposes to her. In a way that has nothing to do with what he finds out about her. He says he wants to tame her, and then he does nothing other than

have his crush grow based on the information he relays to him. He says he wants to tame her and then he does nothing other than have his crush grow based on the information he relays to him. Nothing changes in this movie. They don't interact at any point until they get married. They do not interact. I have one thing to say.

Yeah. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Woke Skull. Good job. That's actually a good one. Ten comedy points. I agree. Thank you.

The next character we should talk about is Chai McBride. He runs a poker game. Amazing. Great job. Yeah, great job. Interesting character.

Nice check. And then you've got Kumar Palana as Pagoda we should talk about is Chai McBride. He runs a poker game. I mean, great job. Yeah, great job. Interesting character. And then you've got Kumar Palana as Pagoda, aka Gupta. Right. He stabbed a guy, he can spin some plates

and he, I guess he's the hardest to win over. And then he has this moment where he stops a 747 from taking off with his mop. Running in front of it

with his mop. Yeah. Now, I can see a movie where you build to this point okay we're all taking the mic to the lab i gotta say i can't like i can see a movie where you build to this as like a crucial you know set piece in the film yes it doesn't actually have any bearing on what victor then does which is decide to maybe actually catch another plane some other time yeah i mean you you know, like the idea surely isn't that Kumar Palana delays the plane so much that Tom Hanks can have a whole fight with Stanley Tucci, leave the airport, go to a jazz club, get a guy's signature, watch him play the sax, come back, get like get on the same plane. Right. No. Right. Right. Now you bring that up. Can I just say something to the two of you right now?

Please. Please, go ahead. I want to say I'm sorry. Oh, for one. I feel like I should have picked. No. The thing is, I liked this movie, and I'm like, even this morning when I watched it, we're being mean, and I want to say the movie's not that bad.

The thing is, the movie isn't. It's a watchable movie. It's watchable, but the thing is, there's so many problems. Yes. And it's like, he literally shames, technically shames Victor, yelling at him in this airport. Right. Says like, you're a coward. You're a coward.

You're not going to leave the airport. This is when Victor's freedom is finally granted. Coward. And Tucci's like, get the fuck out of here. Coward. Don't leave. Yeah. I'll say two things.

He calls him a coward, and then I think, is it Chai McBride? No, it's another cop who like, it's Corey Reynolds. He pulls him aside and says, no, the situation is Tucci was like threatening to deport you. Or, you know, like. And so that's when Kumar Palana decides to run in front of an airplane. Yeah. First off, listen. I guess to show Victor that he should be similarly heroic.

I don't, like, what. I just want to say two things quickly. One is Dron never apologized. I'm in this movie guys we should have did like it. But we were going to do a Terminal episode

no matter what. Yeah of course we were always going to do a Terminal episode. And here's the thing our Terminal episode would be much worse if you weren't out.

Yeah if it was just like me and Griffin being like you know you're a powerhouse guest you're making this a must listen episode. No this is my thing about it my thing

first off the friendship with Paguda, thank you, and Victor, I feel like now I should call him Forrest. You know what? Between Victor and Forrest, I mean, Paguda and Forrest, their friendship isn't strong enough that he's going

in front of... Absolutely not. He attempted to kill a man. Right. And he's going back to his country. Yes. Like, this won't end well for him. No, although, to be fair, he is 85 years old, so he lived a nice life.

But he is. I mean, he waves goodbye and says, I'm going home. He's willing to sacrifice everything for Victor Novoski to the point that he is going to be flown back

to his country, you know? He's going to be extradited and then he's going to probably either be... He's going to die in prison. Right. Either die in prison

or be given, like like the death sentence or fucking whatever. Yeah. Like this won't end well. And I'm like has Forrest. I'm gonna call him Forrest now. I gotta get back on brand. Alright. Has Forrest earned that kind of friendship yet? No. Absolutely not. The movie does not do that. It does not. It would almost

you would almost buy it more from Diego Luna because Tom Hanks was quote unquote responsible for setting him up with his wife. No, but the reason is that off screen it's been explained to Kumar Palana that he was like, this is a noble act by Victor to not get him deported. Did he have to take the mop? Did he have to take the mop? And then when he puts the mop on the tire I was like you ain't got to

oh but it's the Spielberg touch it's the little whimsy like you ain't gotta put the mop on the tire no you don't and it stops just in time so that the mop is just resting on the tire

but also everyone is so nervous and scared that in my mind I'm like we do realize that nothing in this movie is set up that this is he's about to die, right?

I had no fear of this man in this plane at any point. Absolutely not. But I will say this, Tom Hanks did a good job because he was selling fear. Yes, he was. Tom Hanks had fear in his eyes. But it makes the movie more confusing because you're like, wait, I'm supposed to be scared right now? Yo, Tom Hanks is too good of an actor to do this movie.

What were you going to say, David? I don't remember. Doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. That's the end of Kumar Palana. We're not going to say, David? I don't remember. Doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. That's the end of Kumar Palana. We're not going to talk about him anymore. But that fucking, I'm sorry, just the moment where he screams at him and he goes like,

you coward, Victor Noworski, you coward, you leave. You're so close, you're going to leave now. And he screams coward as he walks away. Like vehemently,

like viciously. We should say at this point, Kumar Palana's basically just been the guy from the Wes Anderson movie. Right. Yes. He's in Duplex. Oh, yeah. His Indian restaurant. DeVito's Duplex, yeah.

Yeah, this was like a big deal that it was like, oh, Spielberg's putting him in a movie now. And then, yeah, he's just kind of like light and whatever for most of the movie. Even when he talks about trying to stab the cop, he's like, eh, whatever. And now suddenly, this moment, it flips out and it's like, wait, whatever. And now suddenly this moment, it flips out, and it's like, wait, so it's supposed to be

that Victor is his inspiration? Victor is his spirit animal? And it's like, if Victor can't make it to New York, then everything is lost. You're trying too hard to make this make a lot of sense. No, I'm saying that's where the movie fucking falls apart. Yeah, I mean, the movie, guys, I don't even know what they were...

Okay. But some of it is... The movie's still fun, though. Charming. Some of it is charming. Some of it's a little charming. Tom Hanks is great to me. Tom Hanks is quite charming.

Yeah. Even though I agree with you that in general, in the first, he's maybe a little too broadly comic. Yeah, I agree. And he tones it down in the right way. He's a good actor. He does a good job. There's an idea to this movie of a portrait of a community.

You know what I mean? And sort of like how the state can exist even where the state does not exist whatever right like the community is rooted in people that might be a good movie but unfortunately I feel like all the little storylines are too cartoonish they're too

you know thinly sketched like no one really gets much to do except for big grand moments that don't make any fucking sense and that aren't earned like all then the Catherine Zeta-Jones stuff is so... Catherine Zeta-Jones part makes me the saddest. But the thing is, when he's about to leave, finally, and the thing is, this is

the thing, Zoe Saldana tells him that he can't leave, even before all this, before trying to stop the plane, Catherine Zeta-Jones tells him, Zoe Saldana says, you have to get this signed by Stanley Tucci. We know this. Stanley Tucci, he goes home, Stanley Tucci says, no, put him on the plane.

And at this point, Stanley Tucci has said, like, you're stuck here. Yeah, so you know. As we already mentioned, Stanley Tucci, for no good reason, decides to ground him in the airport forever, even though Stanley Tucci's previous stated game was to get him out of the airport. Because it would make his life easier. Yeah, because it's not good for him to have a homeless man essentially living in an airport.

Now he's petty. He thinks, because he is the one who prevented me from getting the promotion I want, I'll keep him here. And then he gets the promotion. He gets the promotion and decides to be meaner. Yes. Then at the end, they're like, for crying out loud, Tom Hanks, what's in the jar of peanuts?

And he's like, a famous photo of jazz musicians and my dad liked jazz. It says it to KJ Jones on the date. He says it to her on the date. And like, you know, his dad liked jazz music, I guess. Or at least liked this photo. That's what's crazy. I know I've already said this. You already said it.

But you want to make it that like, he buys a jazz album. He listens to it. It's so great that he decides he wants all the autographs. Instead, the way Tom Hanks tells the story is literally like, he saw this photo, these 33 men, and he kept on staring at the photo. Like, he was a fan of the photo. I mean, my thing is that, like, so that moment happens, and all of a sudden, like, now Victor's like, I'm leaving.

Right. Now, we've already established he can't leave. Yes. We already know, but now everyone in the airport is like, he'm leaving. Right. Now we've already established he can't leave. Yes. We already know. But now everyone in the airport is like, he's going. He's going. Victor's like, and they start giving him all this free shit. Giving him presents.

We haven't established that these people liked him yet. Yeah. Most of them turned him down for a job. Yep. True. And let's also point out that when he was suffering, he had no money. No one wanted to give him anything for fucking free. And now that he's leaving and he actually has autonomy.

Right. They're like, take some slippers. Yeah. Take this squishy thing. Yeah. Right. And people we've never seen are like, Victor's leaving? Like, oh, he needs this dehumidifier or whatever. Take these meals.

Like, they never offer him meals at any point in the movie. Take this food. Take this food. Oh, you know what? No, I take that back. They did establish why people like him because after he saved the guy with the pills. Right. We should talk about that.

That's probably the best scene in the movie. Yes. It's okay. There's that set piece in the middle. It's okay. It's a pretty good scene. It's one of the better ones. It's a good scene.

Choochie gets called away. I think I'm more annoyed by its implications, you know, why it makes Choochie mad or whatever. It makes him madder. Then the scene itself is pretty good. I think the scene in of itself is a good scene. Tucci gets called away from when he's meeting with his superiors. They go, this is important. There's a...

There's a ranting. I think he's Russian. Bulgarian-Russian. He's supposed to be related. His language is close enough to Krakosian. Which is supposed to be a Balkan state. Krakosian. It's supposed to be like Macedonia or something like that. He's in language to Krakosian. Yes, which is supposed to be a Balkan state. Krakosian. It's supposed to be like Macedonia or something like that. He's got medication that it's not legal for him to bring into the country.

He was supposed to fly straight to Canada for that reason, but the flight got diverted or shifted, whatever. So he's freaking out. How you doing, Ben? Producer Ben? Ben, you all right? Ben Dusser? Producer Ben?

We haven't introduced him, but Ben. Have you been drinking water? Yeah, yeah. I've been barely staying awake, honestly, guys. Mr. Positive? Wow. That makes us feel good about the podcast. You're pretty close to death right now, it sounds like.

No, I'm fine. I just stayed out really late last night. Dirtbag Benny? Yeah. You have a good time, though? Oh, man. It was so fun. The peep?

Yeah. The tiebreaker? Mm-hmm. The fart detective? Oh, God. The meat lover yeah can I just ask you

one question quickly please do Griffin have you graduated to certain titles over the course of different miniseries yes yes we have like I don't know

for example producer Ben Kenobi Kylo Ben that sounds yeah I think that's one of them Ben Night Shyamalan Ben Say

Say Benny thing Ailey Ben's with a dollar sign hell yeah okay cool and you're doing alright yeah I'm doing fine I had a fun time yesterday was the Sure. Say Benny thing. Yeah. Ailey Benz with a dollar sign. Hell yeah. Okay, cool. And you're doing all right? Yeah, I'm doing fine.

I had a fun time. Yesterday was the woman's march, and I didn't participate, but I just got really drunk. That's how you wanted to show support. In celebration. So I sort of hear you are, man. What's that? You're a hero. You're a hero.

I know. I do what I can. It's fine. You can go back to sleep. Don't worry. I'm sorry. I'll throw out a couple of things. I got a couple a hero. You're a hero. I know. I do what I can. It's fine. You can go back to sleep. Don't worry. I'm sorry. I'll throw out a couple of things. I got a couple of things.

You know me. Yeah. All right. You sound really excited about everything you just did. Here we go with Ben's big corner. Ben is our finest fun crit. Wow. All right. All right.

Check it. So I love a little touch of the tooch. He does love to touch the tooch. I'm on the record. This is previously established. Oh, no. I'm on the record. I love a little touch of the tooch. In my opinion, this movie needs a touch of the tooch. He does love to touch the tooch. I'm on the record. This is previously established. I'm on the record. I love a little touch of the tooch. In my opinion,

this movie needs a touch of the tooch. Oh my goodness. And instead it has kind of like, you know, like a lot of the tooch. That's one of the funniest things I've heard. I love a little touch of the tooch. And he said it like,

we all know it all. When was that established? I can't even remember when he first loved the touch of the tooch. Yeah, it was established in something though that you love the touch of the tooch. Yo,

y'all keep saying the touch of the tooch. Okay, any other established in something, though, that you love the touch of the toots. Yo, y'all keep saying the touch of the toots. Okay, any other points you want to make? Just a little touch. Oh, my goodness. What else? What else? What else? Tom Hanks, you know, what a treasure.

Yes. Yeah. America's golden man. Hot take, Ben. They call him America's dad. That's his name. Wait, you're telling me you think Tom Hanks is good? Is likable and good at his job?

Yeah, he seems like a nice guy. Oh, my God. Cool. Wow, great. I agree. All right. Well, that's been. Oh, that's it.

That's Ben's corner. Yeah. I didn't watch the movie, guys, so that's why I was like. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm just going to sit this one out. Well, yeah, because I think Tewch was my best supporting actor winner last year. Yeah. Yeah, in Spotlight.

Anyway. Touch of the Tewch, yeah. I mean, you always want a little touch of the Tewch. Always. I mean, you know, a supporting actor winner last year. Yeah. In Spotlight. Anyway. Touch of the Tooch, yeah. I mean, you always want a little touch of the Tooch. Always. I mean, you know, a few movies. I watch Hunger Games. I'm like, Tooch is killing. This movie maybe makes a mistake of rather than giving you a touch of the Tooch, like

serving you like sour cream as an entree. Yeah. Just a bowl of sour cream. And you're like, I wanted a side of sour cream. Just a little touch. I want a touch of the Tooch. Yeah. All true.

This goat scene, they immediately go like, we can't talk to this guy. They go, why don't you bring in a translator? Won't be able to get here for an hour. Oh, maybe, if you have a translator

that can be on Beck and Cole at any hour, maybe you should have called that in minute five of the movie. Yeah. Anyway, Hanks, they call him Victor Navorski.

He's trying to reason with them, his dad, his dad, his dad. They go, I'm sorry, we can't bend the rules on this. We can't break the law. Andanks pulls a hero move yeah and decides to essentially tells this guy say you were it was for an animal and it's because at this point hanks is read up on he's read up on all the immigration whatever he's read up on everything you've been reading

because we know because stanley tucci says it yes he does say it he says tell them you've been reading this yes he challenges him he intimidates been reading this. Yes. He challenges him. He intimidates him. He makes him photocopy his hand a bunch of times. True. And then that becomes like his hero protest poster. True. Like they hold up.

Right. You're right. Right. That's when they. That's when everyone starts loving it. That's when everyone's like, did you hear about this? Kumar Palana is suddenly converted to the cause of Navorski. Right. Starts talking about him like he was saying, we don't need no stinking badges, essentially.

But they also, they make him go through the metal detector to prove that he doesn't have a microphone in his butt. Does that fuck him up? By the way, they put him through that machine. I was like, first of all, that shouldn't be okay, right? No, pregnant women aren't allowed to go through the stand-up one. That shouldn't be okay. Yeah, and also, the old trope of people hiding stuff up their butt, that lasts for, like, a couple hours.

This guy's been at the airport for months now. Do you think that every night he takes it out and then puts it back in the butt? Yeah, it's like, and you can see him on camera because he lives at the airport. Yeah. Very true. Yeah. It should be, anyway, whatever. Anyway.

Yeah, but I was just saying, like, this moment of, like, everyone cheering him on as he leaves. Yeah. Mind you, we all know he still can't legally get out of this place. And also, we all know that most of you have not given a fuck about him for months. Nope. What's the main cop's name?

Barry Shabaka Henley, who is a great actor. Great character actor. He plays Thurman. I want to point out Barry Shabaka Henley. This is something I just learned. His real name is Barry Joseph Henley. Took the middle name Shabaka from a pharaoh in Egypt's 25th dynasty. I don't know why, but that's cool. I mean, Shabaka, that's a great name. It stands out.

Barry Shabaka Henley? Anyway, but he's great. I mean, I think of him as a Michael Mann guy. He's amazing in collateral as the jazz club owner. the thing I love. As the jazz club owner. This and Collateral are both in the same year, right? That's right. Yeah, both of them are. And this movie is Tom Hanks has to get past Barry Shabaka Henley so he can go to a jazz club.

True. And Collateral is Jamie Foxx has to take Tom Cruise to a jazz club so that he can assassinate Barry Shabaka Henley. Yes, he does. Forgetting a fact about Miles Davis wrong. But that is the... Which is insane. It is a weird scene. That is the primary job that Tom Cruise has to execute in that movie, right?

That's like the main assassination that he's supposed to pull off. Is the Barry Shabaka Henley one? No. That's one of five assassinations. The main one's the Korean club owner. I just think it's interesting that those two movies are both related to guys having to get to a jazz club and Barry Shabaka Henley. But Barry Shabaka Henley plays Costello

in the Miami Vice movie. He's in Ali. What else is he in? He was in something recently that I thought he was very good. Wait, is he in? No, I might be wrong. Is he in La La Land?

But I might be wrong about that. Not La La Land. He's not in that, but he's in something I've seen in the last month. Yeah, he's in something recently. Patterson. Patterson. Which he's the bar owner

who's playing chess against himself. Great. He's very good. Great performance. Always good. Just, you know, a nice character actor who's always good. So he's in the first, like, 20 or 30 minutes of this movie a lot as, like, Tucci's enforcer, right? He's Stanley Tucci's right-hand

man. Yep. You get the sense that over the course of the movie, he's being charmed by Victor's exploits but mostly just as like, oh, a reality TV show that he's watching. He's watching Hanks on these security monitors. I'm sorry, he's watching Woody the Cowboy on these security monitors. Yeah, there you go. There you go. You know?

And they like mention at one point the pool they have going about how long it's going to be before he gets out. January 3rd he says. Right. And at the end of the movie, oh, they're all walking. Everyone's cheering behind them, right? Everyone's giving Woody these gifts. And then Barry Shabaka Henley, the last line of defense. Because Corey Reynolds is now standing behind him, escorting Hanks.

He is also a security guard. Yeah. And he's escorting Hanks to the exit. True. And Barry Shabaka Henley goes, turn around. Turn around, Victor. Because at this point, Stanley Tucci, Tucci's yelling in his ear, arrest him!

Arrest him. Arrest him. It all makes sense why this would be happening. And Chewbacca. This is probably one of the scenes that makes the most sense. This point right here, the line of cops. Yes. Chewbacca takes the jacket off of his own back, puts it on.

Victor Nivorski. Which is interesting because when he took his coat off and puts it on... Victor Novoski, not Woody the Cowboy. Which is interesting because when he took his coat off and put it on Forrest, I was like, he's the only one

with a coat on. Why does he have this coat on? Right. So once he said turn around, I'm like, he has a coat on

to give it to Forrest. Right. He gives it to Robert Langdon so that, because he says it's cold outside that it's the winter and he's going to need it.

Jim Noel. Yes. Right. Yes. So then, yeah. So then Sully Sullenberger finally gets to leave the airport and he Lowell. Lowell. Yes, right, yes. So then, yeah, so then Sully Sullenberger finally gets to leave the airport and he says,

welcome to America. He goes to a jazz club. He watches Benny Golson. Wait, great saxophonist. There's one part that pissed me off the most before we even get to that. Please.

Tom Hanks is in the car. He sees a... Was it a Ramada in? Like, no, not even a Ramada. Sorry. He's in a taxi, and as he's driving off, Stanley Tucci comes running out. Yes. He's going to stop him.

He comes running out. Stanley Tucci sees him drive off, and then he smiles. And he's like, forget it. Oh, Victor. Yeah, and I'm like, what? And they go like, what do you want us to do, sir? And he's like, 214 is landing in from blank. We got a lot of work to do.

I was like, wait, so is he now cool with Tom Hanks? This guy, he cannot figure out whether or not he loves or hates Hanks, whether he's trying to help him get out or keep him in. And then he goes to the jazz club, and he sees the performance. It's a little touching. Hanks plays that scene really well when he's talking to the guy, and he's so excited to see him. And then you see him walk out of the Ramada Inn.

He gets into a cab driven by Scott Adsit. And he goes, where can I take you? And he goes home. This part made me think of John Braylock. Thank you.

So John Braylock was in This Is Why You're Single. How to Be Single. How to Be Single. And it's the exact same moment. The woman gets in the car. Braylock has the one fucking great joke

in How to Be Single. He does. When we saw it, everyone went in. That is probably that line in that movie probably got the biggest laugh when I saw it. Let He does. When we saw it, everyone went, like, that is the probably, that line in that movie probably got the biggest laugh when I saw it.

Well, let's be fair. We saw it in a theater that was like one third Braylock's friends. Yeah, true. Hey, listen, no one needs to know that. But the other two thirds

of the audience also burst into spontaneous applause with us. Get to your point, please. There's a point in the movie where she's hit rock bottom emotionally, right? Go to Johnson?

Yes. All three guys that she's been sort of dating all meet and everything explodes and whatever right and then she gets into a cab driven by braylock and there's like the same sort of like yeah big crane shot yeah the magical here's the new york taxi cab

driver and he pulls up and braylock's got like this real light touch and he goes like where can i take you and then she goes like home take me home and braylock just turns around and goes bitch I don't know where the fuck you live yo it was like one of the greatest I was like that's a great lie also especially because Bray doesn't curse yeah like I had to pay fucking $15 to hear you curse shit but like especially in a post Braylock climate it's impossible to

watch that be the final line of the terminal I know and be like you just ended on this but that's where you want him to drive you back to Curcosia or are you going back to the airport

you just left yeah that's my home I'm going back I'm going to live in the airport for another 15 years excuse me guys yes he's going home

he's going home to Curcosia he also does hang out with Benny Golson watches him play the sax yes the real musician one of the only two surviving musicians from that photo oh that's cool yeah true He's going home. He is. To Krakow. He also does hang out with Benny Golson, watches him play the sax. Yes. He's a real musician,

one of the only two surviving musicians from that photo. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, true. And then he goes back home. And then there's a really cool credit sequence where everyone's signatures are their title cards. Yeah, and it builds some suspense because as you're going through the cast, you're like, oh, man.

What's Zoe Saldana's signature going to look like? Yeah, and I love that Diego Luna's is just a printed name. Yeah. And Chai McBride's is the most elaborate, crazy. It's so cool. It goes all the way back to the sea and then somehow comes around to be like an eye. It's great.

And some of the guys like underline their own names like Hanks and Tucci. It's like, oh, those are real autographs. Guys, we can't get excited just because of the credits. You get a little excited about those credits. You're on the wrong broadcast. Oh, no, that's the most exciting part of the movie is the credits. I'll say this. I saw this movie once in theaters when it came out.

It was right after my grandmother had died. And we were up in upstate New York where my grandparents lived. And it was like a movie where like, let's get out, go to the local theater. There's like one, like two screen theater near my grandparents what used to be their house uh before they were dead people oh god it got dark here we go buddy and uh and we went to see it there with like my mom my brother and it like the movie had already come out and sort of bombed at that point had gotten bad reviews and everyone was just sort of like shrugging it off we went to see and i was like i think it should just be charming and i remembered so little of the movie save for those credits like those credits are the thing

that's stuck in my craw. First off, this movie made 200 million worldwide we'll get to the box office game I own it, don't remember how I came into possession of it. But you do own it I do own it, I don't remember how I got into possession It's like a monkey's paw, it showed up on your doorstep I got it, I got it, I don't remember buying it

but I got it. And the thing is like it is not the best but again I do like movies that are just randomly happy, whatever you call these kind of things. So it seems kind of charming. Yeah. Charming. Charming. Okay.

So we do a game here. Oh, no. Go ahead. Do you have another point you want to make? No Oscar nominations, not even for John Williams' perfectly serviceable score. Perfectly serviceable. Which is pretty, usually they'll toss him anything. Half the time the score is him riffing

on a fake Krakosian national anthem that he made up, and half the time it's just buttery Spielberg songs. I'd expect this to... In my opinion, a little more rudely, does not get a production design nomination. That's the one it should get, is art direction. It is a very nice production design job. It won the Art Director Guild

award. This is one of the best sets in recent cinema history. I mean, just the breadth of work. It looks real. It looks real. Yes, it looks real. I don't know if you want to go for impressive over art or whatever, but it is anyway. Yes. So we're going to play a box office game where we try to guess the movies that were numbers

one to five at the box office. Yeah, just a movie. The weekend this came out, try to guess. Okay, okay. The movie made 77 mil in America on a 60 budget. That's even higher than I remember. You know, just fine.

And 219 worldwide. Okay. Okay. Like you say, pretty good. Pretty good, pretty good. You know, for Spielberg and Hanks, it's a little low. Yeah, not for them,

but you gave me one of those movies. I won, boss. Yeah. That's true. Yeah. I won. Ain't no Griffin Newman vehicle that's done 219 worldwide.

Comes out June 18th, 2004. Number two at the box office. 19 million is its opening weekend. Now, I think people thought it was going to be like 40 and certainly thought it was going to be number one. I remember distinctly what beat it because it was viewed as like, oh, this is a changing of the guard. If like Spielberg and Hanks are beaten out by this movie, then Hollywood is shifted.

Beaten out by a Hollywood comedy that only cost $20 million to make, made $30 million in its opening weekend. Wait, wait, wait. Time out. I know what it is. I know it's one of... 2004. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

Dodgeball. Dodgeball. Correct. A true underdog story. Because I remember that year because Dodgeball came out because it was a battle between my friends. Do you like Dodgeball or 40-Year-Old Virgin? They both came out the same summer.

Oh, that's right. Dodgeball came out first. 40-Year-Old Virgin came out at the end. Yeah, 40-Year-Old Virgin comes out at the end of the summer. Came out at the end of the summer and it was a battle between my friends. Do you like Dodgeball or 40-Year-Old Virgin? They both came out the same summer. Oh, that's right. Dodgeball came out first, 40-Year-Old Virgin came out at the end. 40-Year-Old Virgin comes out at the end of the summer. Came out at the end of the summer and it was huge. It was huge and is a much better movie. Dodgeball, we're talking about a forgettable movie. Yeah, it's true, but it was so fun though. It was fun and silly. It's got some good stuff. I mean, it's got Jason

Bateman's fantastic ESPNH commentator. Rip Torn's really good in that. Rip Torn's good, although... He became a little meme-y. Yeah, Cotton. Who would have thought Days of Bateman? Yo, I like...

That was weird, but so fun. It's entertaining. It's fine. It's fine. Okay, number three at the box office. Number three. Number three is a film, the third in a franchise. Third film in a franchise.

Okay. The first of these movies in this franchise to come out in the summer. It had been a winter franchise. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Correct. Great job. He's good at this. It makes 18 mil in its third weekend, 190 total.

One of the lowest grossing Harry Potter movies. Which one was it? Prisoner of Azkaban? I think it's the number one lowest grossing one. Because it was the first time it got dark, right? Yeah, and it's the best one. And it came out in the summer, and it just, you know, it wasn't really a summer.

The summer was weird for them, and then also, like, eventually everyone came to terms with the fact that the movies were going to become darker. But, like, at the time, people were complaining, like, why aren't they wearing the wizard robes the whole time? That's not Harry Potter. They have to wear the robes. Yeah, it got so dark, people were like, oh.

Yeah, they're wearing, like, dirty clothes. Number four is in its fifth weekend, it is the most successful film of 2004. Shrek 2. Wow. 13 million. In its fifth weekend, it has made $378 million. People forget this.

At the time of its release, Shrek 2 was the third highest grossing movie, period. Full stop. The top three movies of all time were Titanic, then Star Wars, then Shrek 2. Wow. And it held onto that for a while. Remember all the great scenes in Shrek 2?

I mean, I remember Shrek 1. Remember Shrek 1? What happens in Shrek 2 again? Well, I went on a rabbit hole with Shrek 2 the other day. Is that Puss in Boots? Or is that Puss in Boots is introduced? It's just a bit like, you know, and he's in a third one. That's three.

That's three. Shrek the third. I went on a rabbit hole with Shrek 2 the other day because I have a hot take. I think no movie in history has aged more three. Shrek the third. I went down a rabbit hole of Shrek 2 the other day because I have a hot take. I think no movie in history has aged more poorly than Shrek 2. Right, because Shrek 2 is loaded with like

pop culture references and the crappy throwaway jokes, right? Right, and it ends with like puss and donkey singing Live in La Vida Loca. Correct, right. See, that's the problem

I have with like- Isn't that called Far Far Away Idol or is that something else that they did? That's a special feature on the DVD that they did. See, that's the thing

is like when you make movies that's so like referenced at the time it on the DVD that they did. See, that's the thing. When you make movies that are so referenced at the time, it's like you just date it instantly. I remember a scene where the gingerbread man is wearing a thong.

Yes. And he's shamed for this. Yes. And in the second one, there's a big thing where they... Even though he's a gingerbread person.

They build a Mongo who's like the King Kong version of the gingerbread man. They build a giant gingerbread man. The ostensible plot of that movie is that Shrek has to meet the parents. It's like the King Kong version of the Gingerbread Man. They build like a giant Gingerbread Man. The ostensible plot of that movie is that Shrek has to meet the parents. It's meet the parents of Shrek. And they don't know. And the princess has decided to

be a Shrek princess. Or Shrek American. Shrek American or Shrek Far Far Away. And then it turns out the dad. Yeah, okay. It's a dumb movie. And then Prince Charming who feels gypped because I always forget that gypped has that background and I say it and then I immediately regret saying it.

You should regret saying it. I always think gypped is J-I-P-P-E-D. Anyway. I'm going to just get you off of this. Yeah. Please do. Please get me out of here. Number five is a bad movie.

Get me out. Dip me out, Davey. Number five is a bad movie. Number five is a bad movie. That's it. I could give you more clues, but I hate this movie. You hate it. You got this one, Griff, because I'm like, a bad movie, that doesn't, I don't know, you

use a gif from it a lot. Oh. What is it? When I'm sliding into those DMs, I'm doing it like Garfield. Garfield the movie. Oh, the first one? The first one. Yeah.

And it's second week And it's only made 42 mil Actually not a huge hit No How did it get a sequel Well they just really wanted To tell the tale of two kitties It also did really well overseas

It did okay Guys I loved Garfield 125 Like the cartoon growing up I loved to meet some Garfield There's some weird episodes Of that cartoon I

The Oh John is Disgusting if you think about it It's a weird cartoon The trailer for Garfield the movie, they set it up as a weird risky business thing. Yeah.

And they go like, this summer, and they go like, dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun. Like they start playing old time rock and roll and then they go, get ready for some

frisky business. Right. And there's a moment in Garfield where Garfield slides across the floor. Wearing sunglasses. But in, no, in the movie he's not.

Oh, I see. In the trailer, they added sunglasses to make the joke track more. And like the poster is himaring sunglasses. But in, no, in the movie he's not. Oh, I see. In the trailer they added sunglasses to make the joke track more. And like the poster is him wearing sunglasses. Yes, yeah. You never wear sunglasses in the movie. But Bill Murray sounds great as Garfield. Just wish he had a better Garfield movie.

Agreed. But I use the gif, I call it gif field, of Garfield with the sunglasses sliding. Whenever I want to make a joke about sliding into your DMs like. Ben, Ben. Ben, can you groan into the mic right now? Thank you. Sliding to those DMs like, All right.

I want to add to this. Have you guys ever seen Garfield minus Garfield? Yes, it's the best. It is amazing. I recommend it to all of our listeners. It's a comic. Some guy went through Garfield comic strips and just removes Garfield from it,

so it's just John Arbuckle as a man with clinical depression talking to himself oh no it's super surreal and absurd and it becomes

like deeply profound I'm about to look it up right now it's great alright just we're almost done but just some other

movies in the top 10 if you guys have any opinions on these movies the Chronicles of Riddick I like it I haven't seen it I haven't either and I love Vin it's the one Riddick movie I haven't seen The Chronicles of Riddick. I like it. I haven't seen it. I haven't either. I love Vin. It's the one Riddick movie I haven't seen.

Listen, Chronicles of Riddick is one of the weirdest action movies ever, but I like it. It's some fun D&D shit. Like a lot of his weird movies. It's some crazy fantasy shit. I gotta see it. Judi Dench. That's got a weird character. Carl Urban's in it, right? Tandy Newton?

Stepford Wives is in there. I don't. Yeah. Stepford Wives is in there. I don't like that. Don't like that. Nope, not a good movie. The Day After Tomorrow is in there, which you like. I like a lot. I do not. I do not like it.

I do not like it. I think that movie's delicious. I feel like Jake Gyllenhaal doesn't acknowledge me. I think that movie's a piece of shit. Yeah. Jake Gyllenhaal, I bet if he was to list his movies, he would not say that movie. No, I like the Quaid stuff in it. I just, I like the effects.

I like some of the weird side plots. I just like the movies. Remember the wolves? I mean, yes. Remember them being out, when they have to outrun Frost? Yo, I can't. I, I, no. No. No. I agree. No. No. No. Around the World in 80 Days came out this weekend. It's just a hard no. Just a hard no to that

one. That's a big bomb. It came out this weekend. Huge bomb. Yeah. Troy is hanging out. I liked Troy. Have you seen it recently? I know it won't age well. It doesn't age well at all. I didn't like it at the time.

Isn't that one of those movies where people say there's a cut that's better? Whatever. Yeah, there's a longer version but it's also like it's just not. Yeah, right.

It's not a good movie. Yeah, you saved supersize me. Mean Girls. Van Helsing. Van Helsing. I remember Van Helsing. Van Helsing. I remember Van Helsing. I liked Mean Girls.

Yeah, Mean Girls. Classic. Man on Fire, which is a pretty good movie. That's a good Denzel movie, baby. I mean, that movie is way too long, but still pretty good. Yeah, it's a good movie. Blue Bayou. Excuse me?

The Blue Bayou. Doesn't he keep on talking about the Blue Bayou? Oh, yeah. Yeah, don't Blue Bayou. And let's not forget Raising Helen, starring Kate Hudson and a pair of Ugg boots. Directed by? Gary Marshall. Please call him Gary.

You know, RIP Gary Marshall. RIP Gary Marshall. He's made great movies, but some, you know, like, look, man, everybody has good and bad days, man. Yeah, true. Well, this has been a great day for us. Thank you so much for- Thanks for having me, guys. He's actually awesome and happy, man.

I'll say this. It was a long wait, when it was it was a long wait but it was worth it thank you i'm excited to be here and you know i've been trying to get on for a while i know i got upset because you guys did um terminator 2 and i love terminator i would have had you on for i love you some terminator 2 man those graphics still hold up yeah they do agreed uh we'll have you on again unquestionably this was a real treat and a pleasure sometimes you know the wait is worth it

and I'll also say when we were deciding to do Spielberg we were like fuck we're gonna have to do the Terminal there's a couple where

you're just not excited this was the episode we were dreading where we were like this is just gonna be making it through it and you made this you know what else

I'm kinda dreading what BFG yeah me too oh I don't wanna see the BFGFG yeah me too oh I don't want to see the BFG it's such a it's I don't know

but it makes me think like does the BFG not work can we just make that like 60 minutes long it's also a bummer note to end on it's a bummer

that's the last movie we get to talk about yeah is the is the Ready Player One is that not Dreamworks that's not out

well that's it's just not out yet that's the problem you know I mean technically BFG isn't DreamWorks either. Whatever.

We're doing Spielberg. But we're doing Spielberg. Makes sense. All right. All right. Let's wrap it up. Thanks for being here, Gerard.

Anything you want to plug that's happening four months after we record this episode? So by the time this comes out, by the time this comes out, you guys can go on TBS. I have an episode of The Detour. It's episode six.

Hey, man. Get to play a cop that just chases Jason Jones around for the whole movie. What's Jason Jones really like? Actually, dude, he is so freaking nice. Canadians, man. The guy that I was, the cop partner I was with, I wasn't the biggest fan of at all. I wonder who that is. I mean, not the biggest fan.

And like Jason Jones was so nice. He would like just kind of throw out lines. But the guy was older and just kept saying them first. And I remember getting so pissed off. Like, bro, you're taking all my new lines. Yeah, he was taking all the riffs. Taking all my new lines, man. It was Tom Hanks, wasn't it?

Man, I would love it. I'd be like, fucking Hanks. So you can see that. At that point, by this point, Astronomy Club, our web series, Astronomy Club Presents, should be on Comedy Central, hopefully. Cool. And it's a sketch show. Three episodes of a sketch show. Watch them, because we need those views.

Get those views. And hopefully, guys, I have a big movie then, or something, like maybe an indie, where I get to be a recovering, I don't know, addict, or I can be a guy who's a sports athlete who's trying to make it for his mom or something. Let's say you have two. Let's say in the four months between

sports drama and recovering addict drama. I was going to say you have one indie drama to show your bona fides and you have a big blockbuster. It's already happened, right? You're in Transformers 6 and whatever. It's going down. Hopefully I get to be one of the random black people in Black Panther that's coming out.

Everyone's in it. It's like, yo! I swear to God they're good. Yeah, that cast Panther that's coming out like everyone's in it it's like yo I swear to god they're good yeah that's the that cast they're just like oh also we added the other guy

it's like yo this movie's gonna make money so go see Jerome Black Panther yeah Black Panther y'all of course listen to Black Panther and Can't Jump in Hollywood

absolutely thank you yeah thank you so much for being here thank you thank you for listening please remember to rate review

subscribe do those things five stars all of those things five stars and as always and as always

the most romantic thing you can ever do is acquire as much knowledge as possible about a person not use it in any way and just give them a ring randomly and decide to get

married before you've ever spoken to them he took his hand they took his hand, I'm done. Is this being your last episode? Why? Because it sounds like you're about to die. I'm not dead, David.

I just am very hungover, and I only slept a couple of hours. I'm aware. But, uh... You sound so dead. You got more for me there? You sound so dead. You got more for me there? You sound so dead. So, fuck you, David. So, David, fuck you.

I started recording. Right. Jump in whenever you'd like. Put that at the end. All right. This has been a UCB Comedy Production. Check out our other shows on the UCB Comedy Podcast Network.