Blank Check with Griffin & David - The Weight of Water with Karen Han and Emma Stefansky

Episode Date: October 22, 2017

Karen Han (Slashfilm) and Emma Stefansky (ScreenCrush) join #thetwofriends to discuss 2001’s confused thriller, The Weight of Water. But what is the weight of water exactly? Was Elizabeth Hurley really ever a punk? Does Producer Ben get annoyed during the recording of this episode? Together they discuss Karen’s boys, love rhombuses, faking birthdays and their thoughts on Mother!

talent excuses cruelty don't you know that? Not talent. Genius, maybe. You're talented, Thomas. The world is full of talented podcasts. Podcasts! Podcasts! Podcasts! I got a terrible line. It's bad.

Talent excuses cruelty. That explains our dynamic. When I got to that dialogue exchange, I genuinely loosened my collar. I went, eee-hoo. Okay. Hello, everybody. My name is Griffin Newman. I'm Karen Hahn.

I'm David Sims. Oh, you're just interested. Everyone's just talking. All right, great. Oh, I'm Emma Stefanski. We are, of course, hashtag the four friends. We are. Yeah.

This is a podcast called Blank Check with Griffin and David. Yep. And it's about filmographies. Directors who have had massive success early on in their career and are given a series

of blank checks to do whatever crazy paths are... Fucking hell. Jesus. Talent does not excuse cruelty. I don't know.

Whatever crazy passion projects they want. Sometimes those checks clear sometimes they bounce baby this is a main series

about the films of Catherine Bigelow he had a big smile I gave him nothing when he said baby it's called pod 19 the widow caster

uh huh and we've gotten to our centerpiece movie arguably the seminal Bigelow film. I think it's right in the middle. It might be the middle movie. You're saying equidistant within. Well, there's not a middle movie.

She needs to make one more. She needs to make one more. Okay. This one's also weird because it was shot before K-19 The Widowmaker, but comes out after K-19 The Widowmaker. No, it doesn't. Yes, it does. What?

Yes. Oh, because you mean like, it debuted at a festival before, but it didn't actually get released until after. Until September of 2002. Which is a great, like that's always what you want out of a movie. Right, but that is weird.

I mean, her biggest movie ever, that presumably took a very long time to shoot and finish and to post came out before this movie, which just sat around for a couple of years. Yeah, and she just shot on a yacht. Yeah, and on an island. It's The Weight of Water, of course. We all know this. It's The Weight of Water, the movie that made us question whether or not to do Catherine Bigelow as a main character. Genuinely.

The movie that asked the question, how much does water weigh? But listeners know we had been throwing around Catherine Bigelow for a long time. We wanted to cover her. But it was always this thing of like, fucking no one's going to listen to our weight of water episode. Yeah. It will be the least listened to episode in history. Is it worth doing? I have a brief question.

Have any of you guys, I know Emma and I had not seen this prior to this podcast. Had you guys seen it before? Absolutely not. Absolutely not. No one's seen this movie. No one has ever seen this movie. No, this movie doesn't exist.

No. It is a classic movie that doesn't exist. But we were debating, how do we juice this episode up? Right? How do we give it some sort of internal intrigue? Make the episode compelling on its own.

Thought about getting Snooki as a guest. That was briefly considered. You guys should have done that. It is not a joke. No, unfortunately not. There was a week of deliberating whether or not to have Snooki on this episode.

Not that Snooki said yes, to be clear. We were deliberating whether to ask Snooki to be on this episode. But we hadn't in. We hadn't in. Because I don't know if listeners know this. We share something very, very important with Snooki. What's that? We both love lasagna?

No. That's an SNL callback. Remember that? Yeah, I got it. Yeah. We share a producer. Yeah, we do. It'sagna. No. That's an SNL callback. Remember that? Yeah, I got it. Yeah. We share a producer. Yeah, we do. It's true.

Yep. We share a producer, Ben. A producer, Ben. Mm-hmm. A Haas. A Mr. Haasative. A tiebreaker. A birthday Benny.

A dirt bike Benny. Mm-hmm. A meat lover. A fart detective. A fuckmaster. David gets so mad during this. We do not share professor crispy no no no no we don't are you professor crispy to her no okay you're never professor chris no

are you any of those things to her uh you are a producer i'm her producer but yeah yeah i'm a producer are you her Ben dozer? I mean no wait don't go back to the start of the fucking list oh boy no I'm not let me ask you this though

as an American because I know we're living in divided times people can't agree on anything does she at least recognize that you've graduated to certain titles over the course of the documentary series? Unfortunately, she doesn't. Producer Ben Kenobi. Kylo Ben. No.

Ben Night Shyamalan. Yeah. Ben Saib. Saib anything. Right. Ailey Benz with a dollar sign. I know, but no, she doesn't. Warhaz.

No. Purdue or Ben? No. That's a bummer. Yeah. That's okay. Anyway, this is our episode on the weight of water. We said, how do we make this episode more interesting?

Now, I had thrown out on Twitter. Someone had asked at one point, who would host Blank Check if not you guys? You mean like Bizarro Blank Check or whatever? Right. If not you guys. You mean like Bizarro Blank Check or whatever? Right. And I said like in terms of subs, I feel like JD, Amato, Emily Uchida, and Richard Lawson are our three most frequent guests.

They're glass of ours. There are glass. There are glass. But the more I thought about it, I said I do feel like there's an alternate universe version. You need the dynamic. That's the thing. You can't just, I mean like those are all great folks, but you need a sort of a push and pull, a yin and yang.

And I view those three folks as, you know, if one of us were unable to do the show for a period of time, maybe one of those three people would sub in with one of us. Right. Whoever still remained. Right. Yeah. Right. Because definitely it's going to be me who's going to be unable to do the show, not you. But I said there are two friends out there.

Two friends who feel very parallel to us. They haven't put a hashtag on it, but they are two friends. Well, look, I mean, I'm not going to pull rank here, but there's a certain level of seniority it takes. You know,

maturity, experience, before you're willing to put a hashtag on it. Let's draw this introduction out. What are we in a rush to get to? The weight of two parallel storylines. Infidelity.

Incest. Chair murder. Wait a second, but you're saying this is a movie about two parallel storylines and I'm presenting two parallel. You're right. We're the sort of refined yacht owning. Uh,

I don't know what, what else do they do? Like we're the writers and these two are the, like, you guys are also the previous iteration. So maybe we are like Sarah Polly and Vanessa Shaw. Right. That's my hope.

I think I'm Polly. You're Shaw. Yeah. I'm pretty. She's so pretty. I'm pretty too. Polly you're Shaw yeah I'm pretty right she's so pretty I'm pretty too Polly you're very beautiful no of course

but I don't mean to go all Jeff Wells but Vanessa Shaw is very pretty I did feel that way every time I see her in a movie every time you see her

for a second you're like fucking Jeff Wells just for one second yeah because he makes me feel guilty about finding her pretty she's so good in

Two Lovers I love her in that movie I do think she's one of the most beautiful people alive but I can't say that now because of fucking Jeff Wells. Well, that's why I put it out there. I'm just acknowledging it.

I just sort of threw it out. I saw a guy in the subway today. You are the Sarah Polly. I am the Vanessa. Right. I think that's right. I'm overly delicate. Sure.

Constantly on the verge of tears. Yeah, yeah. You seem a little touchy. Sleepy-eyed. Yeah. Yeah. I saw a guy today seem a little touchy. Sleepy eyed. Yeah. Yeah. I saw a guy today on the subway who I

genuinely thought was Jeff Walls for half a second. The very first press screening I went to in New York Jeff Walls was there. He was there?

Yeah. He had the hat? No. Okay. He didn't have the emotionally vivid cowboy hat? What was the very

first press screening? I think it was the Neon Demon. Oh sure. He was there? He's an LA man, of course. I saw a lot of him at TIFF. Mostly sort of, you know.

Yeah. I saw a man who I thought was Jeff Walls on the subway, and then he turned out to just be a crazy 55-year-old man. But I'm not even, like, making a, I'm not dunking on Wells here. For a second, I was like. Still haven't introduced our guest. Just want to make that clear.

This is more important. It's fine. Their hashtag, the other two friends the two other friends the two pals how do you guys think about you the two pals two buds two gals

the two gals the two gals two gals no I don't I was like I don't like that I don't like that

maybe not yet they're both film critics you can see their bylines all about town do you want to list places you've both written for too many places for me to like

know what to lead with. We both write stuff for a bunch of places. They write for the internet. They write for the internet. Emma writes for Screen Crush and Vanity Fair. That's true.

You've written for Slashphone. Yeah. And Vulture and Vice and a couple other places. Yeah. Just keep going. Just keep listening. And also known as

the current day Martin and Lewis of Twitter. Sure. Which one's Martin? Emma. Yeah. Emma's Martin. Karen Hahn and Emma Stefanski are our guests today.

I'm very excited. What's up? We're also very excited. Now, I want to talk about something. This is the next step of our single white female thing, you guys. Sure. And I just messaged these two and I was like, hey guys,

so you're going to be on the podcast for The Weight of Water. There's no questions allowed. Because it's like, it's hard to pitch someone on being on The Weight of Water episode.

Right, but once again, like it was, you should take it as a compliment that we were like, we need them to do this because we need to spice up

the one that no one's going to listen to. No one's going to listen to this episode. I want to address something right after that. That's not true. People this episode. I want to address something right after that. That's not true. People will listen.

People will listen. All right, sure. They listen to the Loveless episode. This is a big test of our built-in audience. But look, we're connoisseurs of context. You need this context. Some people might just jump straight from Point Break to, I don't know, the fucking Hurt Locker because you're only covering four movies. I mean, that's kind of what happened in her career.

Audiences sort of jumped from Point Break to the Hurt Locker, right? You're missing some context in between. I want to talk about something right off the bat. Karen, you're behind something that's been taking the internet by storm. Oh, God. He's so obsessed with this. Because I think it's the best thing, but also it's not like I'm the only one.

That's true. I have rarely seen film Twitter take to someone else's bit this hard. It's because it's not a bit. But that's why. It is a bit. It is a bit. Emma's calling her out. Emma's calling her out.

It's both. I want to get some conflict going. No, because you're going to ruin our friendship. I'm stirring shit up. Right. There can only be one, two friends. You're the griffier duo. Yeah. And I like david and i get into arguments about this a lot about stuff i do and whether or not it is a bit and the answer is i rarely do stuff i don't actually feel

but i also know that i'm making it into a bit you lean into it i'm framing it in a in a bit as as a delivery device sure of my own. If that makes sense. But everyone's got their bits on film Twitter. It's a bitty little world, right? Yeah, sure. It's garbage. The worst. You do it for the fans, not

for the critics. Everyone's got their routine. But your routine is very infectious. Because you have what you've dubbed Karen's boys. I didn't come up with that name. She didn't come up with that. Who did? Who came up with the name?

I don't remember. Someone else came up with that. Was it Fran? No, it wasn't. It wasn't Fran. Yeah, no. Someone dubbed them Karen's boys. Yeah.

I don't know. But Karen's boys, they are. I'm trying to look it up. They're your boys. They are the actors who you love in multiple senses. Right? They're people whose work you respect and who you also find attractive. That's correct.

I'm going back. You're going back to try to find the origin? Yep. Keep going. Carry on. Keep talking. But you have a very specific type of just like hardworking blue collar character actor. Yeah.

Often international. Who you really take to. Yes. I think Emma described him at some point that was like they all look like either they would die within the first 30 minutes of the movie or they would be the killer at the end. Yeah, I think I did say that. That's pretty spot on. I mean, Ben Mendelsohn is kind of like the… He seems to be the flagship boy.

He's the emblematic, right. And he certainly falls in that category. He's either first to go or the one who offers the final blow. Recent Berger Report subject, Ben Mendelsohn. Introduce him with his proper title. Oh, sorry. Recent Berger Report subject, Ben Mendelsohn. Introduce him with his proper title. Oh, sorry. Recent Burger Report subject, do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do

Ben Mendelsohn. Thanks. This movie has a pretty major Karen's Boy in it, right? Had he previously been dubbed as such? Yes. Definitely, yes. I mean, to the point that David, David texted me while he was watching this,

and he was like four scenes four shots in there's a pretty major Karen's boy yes and when I started watching it was pretty obvious

who he's talking about Vanessa Shaw yes and one of the things that I have to say among multiple things that I found terrible about this movie

is that it made me feel uncomfortable for liking him like it made him actively unattractive. Yeah, he's a bit of a creep in this one. He's horrible.

But a lot of Karen's boys are often presented as creeps or sad sacks. Sure. Or both. Because that's the whole fucking bit is that people don't usually get a crush on. I don't know. Give me a Karen's boy. Eddie Marzen. Yeah.

That's a good one, right? That is a good one. Yeah. Do you know good one, right? That is a good one. Yeah. Do you know what I think is- Sure. Eddie Marzen, who is like a big cube on a little cube. A little cube on a big cube. He's a cube.

He's a cube-shaped man. He's one of those- He looks like a Minecraft character. You're right. He does. He does. He looks like a Minecraft character. He's one of those Tetris configurations that stresses you out.

You didn't rotate it fast enough. You're like, fuck, how do I ever clear a line with that on the board? He's in Mark Felt. Oh my God, I know. And he literally doesn't even have a character name. He plays like a CIA guy, I think. My two most anticipated movies,

Mark Felt and Death of Stalin. Death of Stalin is good. One out of two is going to be satisfying. I'm not talking about good movies. No, I understand. These are like your Ocean's Eleven. This is like, Mark Felt has Josh Lucas in it in fact but he just sits down and he's like

the CIA's all over this and you're like oh it's Eddie Morrison never comes back why is he in this one shot anyway it's Mark Felt Report I feel like Felt Report I feel like like... Felt Report. I feel like a cornerstone of Karen's Boys is...

Because I'm fascinated from a distance in trying to identify who is a Karen's Boy. You have to be middle-aged. Right. But here's the thing. I think all of them got a lot of face. A lot of face? Yeah. Like big heads?

Oh, my God. Well, like Kieran Hines, big head. That's a very good way of putting it. So like literally a lot of face there. But then I look at Eddie Marzen who's compact and I go, there's a lot of face there. There's a lot of face. There's a lot of different stuff going on in the face there. There's a face where

you have to lean in and go, what exactly is going on? And these guys who kind of like dramatically change appearance depending on angle. Yes, that's correct. Like if within a shot they tilt their head and now they look like a totally different, you're trying to figure out how the fucking nose works. I think what you're saying is someone with like

a lot of character in their face, right? This is a nice euphemistic way of putting it, right? Where it's like, you don't think of them as maybe like conventionally handsome, but there's like, there's sort of, there's like a story there when you look at them. These are actors I love where when they show up on screen, I go like, fuck yeah.

Like in the theater, I start like high-fiving. Wow, you sound like a great person to go see a movie with. You know for a fact I'm a great person. You are. You're wonderful. But then you add the amorous level onto it. That's a very generous way of putting it. I feel like film Twitter is often running back

to you after they've seen a movie with a good Karen's boy. I do get a lot of tweets that are like so I just watched this movie and this character actor was in it. Are they a Karen's boy? We can spoil who it is by the way. It's a Karen We've said it. Karen Hines? Did we say it? I don't think we said it. Karen Hines? Yeah. He's the KB

in this movie. Sean Penn is kind of like the anti No. Yeah. He's the KB in this movie. Sean Penn is kind of like the anti-KB. He's awful. I hate him. Right. No, I agree. Agree. But he's sort of the antithesis.

Why is he the antithesis? He's not that handsome. Yeah, he's not. He's not attractive. Sean Penn's got a lot of face. I gotta say. I'm sorry, but I gotta say it. I agree. He's got a lot of face.

I agree. But here's why I think he stands in stark contrast to what makes a true Cameron Spoy. Cameron Spoys are often like Sam Neill or Vincent D'Onofrio, people who have somewhat cute sort of online, weird sort of doddering online lives. You know what I mean? I did get roasted for like a full month around Dunkirk because like every time I'd bring up Mark Ronson, they'd be like, Mark Ronsas has one bit and it's just doddering old fool and you love it. On screen he definitely leans

into but anyway sorry carry on Griff. My point is Sean Penn acts like he's sexy. Sure well I think there was a time when Sean Penn was sexy like the 80s is what I'm referring to. Sure and I know people who

found him attractive before he turned into a lived-in shoe. With a mustache. Right? Yeah, yeah, for sure. A decent shoe that has outstayed its welcome. By far. Yeah. Okay, yeah.

A mid-level leather boot. I like this article. The one about Chapo? Yeah. Was it about Chapo? I don't even remember. I think there's that Sean Penn thing where he's like. They're not people who present themselves as being sexy.

Like it's not an attitude thing. That's a good way to put it. And it's that movie star thing of Sean Penn being like, I'm a fucking movie star. And what you like about Karen's boys is they're just hardworking, nice men who do their job. And even someone like Sam Neill who becomes a leading man kind of unconventionally in Jurassic Park, he still approaches it like a Karen's boy. He's not showing up.

He's just doing the work. Which is actually kind of a classic Spielberg-ly thing because you think of Richard Dreyfuss. Yeah, exactly. He liked the sort of everyman type leading man. Right. Only you. Richard Dreyfuss. Richard Drey. Right. Only you.

Richard Dreyfuss. Yeah. Richard Dreyfuss. Bring it. Especially now he's old and kind of liver spotted. Remember when he played Dick Cheney?

Yeah. It's a weird performance. Very weird. It's one of those performances where you're like, yeah, I get it, Richard Dreyfuss. You hate Dick Cheney.

You know what I mean? He's putting, he's leaning a little too much into like i don't think this is a human being there's that and i love richard there's that scene where he holds up the sign with an arrow pointing to him that says ain't i a stinker uh that's a fucking weird movie who plays colin powell in w now i'm trying to uh jeffrey right Jeffrey Wright. Jeffrey Wright. Who's a real Griffins boy. Like, that's like one of those character actors when he shows up on screen. I saw whatever it was, the second Hunger Games with the lady I was dating at the time. And when he showed up on screen, I literally went, fuck yeah.

And she turned to me and said, I thought you hadn't read the books. And I was like, I haven't. That's just Jeffrey Wright. He's one of our finest actors. Because I just remember W kind of makes it a little too easy where it's like Colin Powell is sort of the audience is supposed to

be invested in him and Dick Cheney's like the hehehe. Let's bomb. Sorry, he's the what? He's the hehehe guy. Tandy Newton kills it in that though. I think that movie is weird and i barely remember it she always kills it yeah i think she's really good she's she's a gg actually that's what we should be talking about griff's girls let's let's just

okay so the way to water yeah please let's hurry along because girls everyone wants to hear us talk about this movie uh you're right you're right you're right you're right you're right it stars a big Gigi Sarah Polly yeah I love Sarah Polly she's so good she was cast right off of

I would the Sweet Hair After which is sort of her break you know like you know what I mean like Sweet Hair After comes out in 97 and Guinevere 2

was like kind of a big thing for her Guinevere I don't even know what that is that was what's her name that was like a big like in the movie no I believe you I just don't know it 99 yeah Guinevere too was like kind of a big thing for her. Guinevere? I don't even know what that is. That was a what's her name?

That was like a big No I believe you I just don't know it. 99. Yeah. Guinevere. Look up who directed it. Audrey Wells

who did something else. Under the Tuscan Sun. Oh yeah. Can you star 69 in Italy? Yeah I guess so. That's the question it asks. It's the question Sandra

oh and that movie asks. Can you star 69 in Italy? we still have yet to answer it we just don't know I've never heard of this ensemble cast oh in the weight of water yes Josh Lucas, Karen Hines, Sean Penn Elizabeth Hurley

Elizabeth Hurley kind of right at the tail end of her fame. Well, in terms of when it came out, but when it was shot, it was at the peak of her fame. That's the weird thing. Do you think it was at the peak of her fame? I mean, it's at the peak of her being in big movies, I guess. I would argue it's the peak of her fame because if they shot this movie in 1999, this would have been when Austin Powers was at peak level.

And I know she's barely in the second one 2000 okay because Powers comes out in theater Powers comes out in 97 obviously but like does okay in theaters and then is a humongous humongous video success so it took a year or two before like she got the full

benefit of the Powers bump sure I would argue I understand what you're saying and she's in Ed TV. Right. Which she plays a similar role as she does in The Weight of Water. Sure.

Essentially the temptress. Bedazzled, serving Sarah. That's like her run of big studio comedies. But I think her most famous moment is wearing a really famous dress in 1994 and everyone going,

who the fuck is that? And like that, that i mean a dress that's so famous it has its own wikipedia page i don't know what you're talking about i don't know any of this is a very famous dress i am not talking about often referred to as that dress yes which like uh i think it was the premiere four weddings and a funeral she was uh in a relationship with hugh grant which she wasn't for a very long time. She was more well-known. She was kind of Sienna Miller. Sure. Where like, Sienna Miller, I felt like,

because Sienna Miller had her whole public thing about her with Jude Law before she had ever been in a movie that anyone had seen, I felt like it took a while for her to get out of the shadow of being like a famous Jude Law's girlfriend. Right. Yeah, that's true for her. Hurley, I think, had that for like four years.

It's definitely true for Elizabeth Hurley because not only was, so he steps out with her at the Four Weddings funeral. She's wearing this very famous dress. Oh, Ben,

have you ever never seen this dress? It's a great dress. I mean, now I'll admit, I grew up in Britain at like the height of her fame as like an ingenue. You lived in Britain?

Yeah, yeah. Wait, really? I think this is a bit, because if he had lived in Britain, he would have brought it up before now. For sure. It wouldn't be like a recurring question from us. Absolutely not.

Absolutely not. So, and then you're right. It took a while for her to be in big movies. Right. Because her breakout definitely is Austin Powers. Which I think she's very, very good in. I rewatched that movie recently. You think she's very good in it?

She's good? I was kind of taken aback rewatching with how good I think she is. Weirdly, that's the Austin Powers I've seen the least. I've only seen it like a couple times. It's so good. It is.

It is good. It really is. Like, I feel like we've gotten to the point now. How do you guys feel about Austin Powers? It's good. I've seen that one. I've never seen any of them.

Really? They're so younger, and it's so fucking upsetting. I've only seen the, like, yeah, baby clip, and that's about it. Great clip. Both of you are 12. We should mention this. No, I will say I rewatched Austin Powers because it was a very big movie to me growing up, and the sequels, I think, are diminishing returns with solid bits in them,

but aren't really fucking movies. But I rewatched the first one, and I think we've gotten to a point in culture where we are far enough removed from uncles doing Austin Powers and Dr. Evil impressions all the time that the movie can kind of be viewed purely again. It can breathe a little more. Sure, sure. And I think it's really fucking strong as a comedy. I encourage people to re-watch or watch Awesome Powers International Man of Mystery.

But Elizabeth Hurley, I think, is really strong in that, in a tricky role. How do you feel about her in My Favorite Martian? Incredible. I've seen that movie, but I don't remember it.

My Favorite Martian was my birthday party that year. Hey, man, 1998. So you would have been like nine or ten. Eight, nine. I would have been nine.

Oh, I'm sorry. It's 99. Then I would have been ten. You would have been like 9 or 10. 9, I would have been 9. Oh, I'm sorry, it's 99. Then I would have been 10. You would have been 10. I wanted to do a movie party because that felt like, I love movies. Why would I go to a place that isn't a movie theater for my birthday? And that was the only thing that came out in February. Oh, gosh. February 12th, 1999.

I had very good luck in that sense because I did kind of the same thing while I was growing up. I was like, my birthday is in May, so it's when all the big studio movies came out. It's true. You have a big thing. So I'd always have a Marvel movie. It was terrific. See, I, for my 13th birthday, waited until Spider-Man came out.

Oh my God. So my birthday was in February, and I didn't have my party until May. And everyone showed up, and they were like, wasn't your birthday like? I vaguely remember at school saying happy birthday to you less than a year ago. Yeah, but Spider-Man. You also once changed your birthday on Facebook to get a free meal at Medieval Times. Am I correct in saying that? And then I wish you a happy birthday on Facebook.

I remember that. That is correct. I think I remember that. That is correct. So I... This was several years ago. Okay, never mind. You guys did something similar this year, I feel that. That is correct. So I, this was several years ago. Okay, never mind. You guys did something similar this year, I feel like.

I was going to Medieval Times with a bunch of my friends in Toronto, and we knew there was a discount because it was like 13 of us, and no one wanted to go, and I was like, what if I pay for everybody? Oh, my God. Wow. And then everyone was like, yeah. And I was like just at the tail end of my millennium money which was like running run and dry pretty quick you were just like putting it all over town

too yeah it turns out they don't keep paying you if you get fired from a sitcom you're kidding so i had the money from the pilot and i was like i'll never run out of money again and then i was running out of money but i offered to pay for everyone for me all times i was like fuck i bit off more than i could chew how do i get a discount here that place doesn't strike me as cheap either no it's not like 15 bucks for everybody right no wait how much is medieval time too much so i was like uh it's someone's birthday and they were like okay great what's the name of the birthday person and And I was like, me, Griffey Nooms? Turn your iPad off. I'm sorry.

Fucking monster. And they were like, okay, you're going to have to show proof when you get here. And I was like, oh, fuck. So then I changed my birthday on Facebook so that I'd have a whole wall and I could just be like, hey, I'm from America. I don't have ID, but here's my Facebook wall. But then I got stressed out that it wasn't enough. I don't think I've told you this part.

Maybe not. I took my passport. We went to the local copy shop, and I wrote out fake numbers, and I taped them to my passport and then photocopied it four times so it got degraded. Oh, my God. So I could bring the photocopy. So you had like a photo. Wow.

A fake passport. How did it look? I did it with my friend and he was like wow you did a really good job with that. And I was like yeah well you know. Do you do visual art? And I was like kind of. I like drawing a lot but I don't really show my work to people. Sounds like a great conversation. I like it to be something that I do just for myself and not for validation like all the other

things I do in my life. And then we like walked back and We were so proud of it. And I showed it to the group, and everyone was like, that's the worst fucking thing. You're going to get arrested if you bring that. Medieval times. Yes. So we didn't bring it.

You committed customs fraud. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We didn't bring the passport. We went there. They didn't check anything. Right. All my friends got angry because I had faked my birthday. And now every yearaked my birthday and now

every year on my birthday people go like is this the real one it's true you can only pull that once yes but my friend Taylor I believe still has my fake passport on his fridge because he thinks it's funny how about it 35 minutes

in have not discussed to be fair I think we recorded for a bit without starting. So maybe the episode's not that long. I was conservative with five minutes. Ben's looking at his phone. He literally replied to a tweet recently, like, on air. So it's time to talk about Kingsman now, right? Yeah.

Now that we're 30 minutes in. Oh, yeah, let's talk about it. But Emma hasn't seen it, so we have got to keep this brief. Okay. Kingsman, The Golden Circle. Bad movie. Great movie. I'll just go on. I'll be on Twitter.

Mixed movie. Sure. Okay, so there we go. That's our discussion of Kingsman and the Golden Circle. It's our second time yesterday. You saw it twice? No, I know. I assume you went to the press screening the first time.

I did, yes. So it's like you only paid to see it once. Yeah, but then you had to see it with the fans. Weirdly, the press were having a better time with it. Really? Yeah. Interesting. Where did you see it?

What theater? The first time or the second time? Second time. 84th Street, AMC. Good theater. It's all theater. Good theater, but right, maybe the crowd not so raucous. Maybe a limp crowd there sometimes, I found.

Yeah, for sure. Although I remember seeing X2, X-Men United there. Boy, a place was lit. Jacked up. Sure. Yeah. Jacked up for X2. Oh,Men United there? Boy, a place was lit. Jacked up. Sure. Jacked up for X2. Oh, yeah.

But it's bad. It's bad. I hated it. I was surprised how much I hated it because I really liked the first one. Oh, wow. Okay. Griffin, you are in the middle here. What do you think of Kingsman, the Golden Circle? I enjoy things about it.

I remember when the first one came out and people were like, ooh, there's a lot of ideological stuff in this movie that's kind of icky. Which is worse than the second one. Right. Which the first one, right. The first one definitely is having fun sort of playing on that edge or whatever. Right. And I felt like nowhere near skillfully, but the first one danced around Verhoeven stuff uh-huh where it was like you know the difference between where he's like look this is what they do like depiction endorsement it felt kind of honest

and i like well because like the first one's a bond parody right and so like the villain in the first one you're kind of like i don't know is he even bad like is this mission even like like definitely evil? And they're like, yeah, no, it is. We got to kill him,

blow everyone up. Like, it's fine. Just like total ultra violence. We'll take care of it. The bottom line is just like, don't worry about it. Yeah,

exactly. I liked all of that. I liked that dance the movie was doing. I understand why people don't. I understand, you know, the frustration over like, does Matthew Vaughn actually even care about anything?

Or is he just provocateur? Is he just trying to piss people off? Is he a regular Ricky T jokes? He made Stardust. He's got to care. Right. And I feel like he walks a very fine line, which Verhoeven did with his Hollywood films as well, where he cares about his characters as people, even though he despises

what they represent, which I find very interesting when filmmakers are able to pull that off. I get you. Cause he definitely cares about Eggsy. Right. And I think Taron Egerton is very charming. Right. And I,

Eggsy. Is it Eggy? Well, the point is he keeps on, yeah. Griff gets it. Yeah. Griff gets it.

Uh, GGI. Um, but I think, uh, you know, and I think some of the stuff he's getting at

in the movie in terms of class and behavioral socioeconomic you know relationships it's a lot more interesting

in the first one yes and in the second one I feel like they kind of throw everything out the window and just do a bunch of shit there are too many ideas

that aren't really tied to anything and it's frustrating to me because the statesman stuff which I think mostly just feels like a lark and set up for a third movie, is never really properly integrated into it.

Oh yeah, that was... I was like, why does... Sorry, carry on. It's really frustrating because I felt like it was right there to actually do a thorough dissection of the differences between the classic male archetypes in British culture and American culture.

I think Colin Firth shouldn't have been in the sequel. I think the entire second film should have been him teamed up with one statesman not this fucking like back and forth between

Channing and Pedro. Both I think are solid in the movie but it's just like too much shit going on. Fine. Although I thought Julianne Moore was

kind of half assed. Loved her in it. Loved her in it. Loved her in it. I think it was Cam who said something like, I feel like she showed up and then she was like, all right, you guys get one take. That was it. Yeah.

I did not like her. Loved her in it. I was really happy with her work. I liked her vibe. I loved it. I was really bummed out when she disappeared for like a full hour. Yeah. But that would happen to like everyone who wasn't an OG,

like Kingsman. Right. Because they were just like, let's just have everyone do 15 minutes everyone i feel like i'm talking about the movie like i don't like it which is misrepresenting how much i liked it why did you like it there's i okay life is short and there are three things i like about this movie which is pedro pascal just throwing all that charm around everywhere sure number two mark strong sings john denver and number three colin firth holds a puppy i don't need anything else out of a movie I had a great time I need more things

out of a movie it's all the boys all the boys it's all the boys liked all the stuff the boys did if Mark Strong releases a single

singing John Denver I'll listen to it it's on the soundtrack I know it is I know the track is titled No Time for Emotion go on iTunes

and buy that shit right now yeah you know Mark Strong's good I enjoy Mark Strong in general he's so great I enjoy Mark Strong in general. He's so great. I think he's having fun

in that movie and he actually gets a little to do. Yeah. Unlike most people in the movie. But there's something about, I mean,

I really just think it's buying into its bullshit. That's my thing. I would agree with that. It's like, the first one was like, no, we're a broad parody.

We can get away with everything. And the second one's like, but you know, the Kingsman lore is definitely interesting. And I'm like, no, it's not interesting i don't care i also you know i like the final joke at the end of the first kingsman which i know most people hate but because i like how disgusting it is well no again this is the way but they're what they're doing

they're like james bond always gets laid at the end of the movies and it's always kind of weird and gross right so he's getting laid and it's always kind of weird and gross so he's getting laid and it's going to be even weirder and grosser do you like that? right I don't like

isn't that the bit Matthew Vaughn's doing that's like that's Mark Millar's whole dumb right which I hate and I think Vaughn

is usually able to filter the Miller stuff better Miller has no subtlety he does not have a steady hand no you don't think kick-ass is

subtle? Right, right. But then there's the bit where they have to plant the homing device in Kingsman 2, which like, for me is like, well now I can't even defend the joke at the end of the first one because it feels like you had no idea what you were doing. For context? Oh, I know. I heard about this.

It's a fucking nightmare. Yeah, apparently Taron Egerton refused to film that scene. So then what happened? They brought in the actress's husband. No. Wow. Well, I respect Taron Egerton more now.

He's a good boy. He's a good boy. Also, apparently the movie had a bunch of Trump jokes that they decided to take out. I'm not surprised because Bruce Greenwood is doing like his best. He's doing like a

quasi-Trump, which is weird because the first movie blows up Barack Obama. His head explodes. So the second one, they're like, I don't know, Trump might be a little tricky to do though. Uh, really? Well, it's like you have Bruce Greenwood. Lily Allen's dad gets fed into a meat

grinder and then Julianne Moore turns into a burger. That's a burger report. Yes, fed into a meat grinder. And then Julianne Moore turns into a burger. Yep. That's a burger report. It is a burger report. The character is written like Donald Trump, but then Bruce Greenwood plays it like W. Yeah. Yeah, he does.

Which is weird. He's got the southern accent. And even just the way he's styled and the demeanor, the physicality and everything. And even just the way he styled and the demeanor, the physicality and everything. Yeah, I mean, it made me like the first one a little bit less because now I wonder how much of that was intentional. Like a lot of the stuff that was murky in the first one where for me I was like, that's the point. You shouldn't be enjoying this shit. Right.

Now I'm like, wait, I think he wants us to like everything. The weight of water. I have a segue for a new movie that has also recently come out that Emma saw that I have not seen, which I thought of while watching The Weight of Water, which is that

while watching The Weight of Water, I was like, Sarah Pauly is living through what my understanding of mother is. We haven't talked about mother on this fucking podcast either. So that's my segue

to two different things. I don't think that's true, though. Have you seen Mother? Yeah. You liked Mother. I liked it, yeah. Okay. two different things. I don't think that's true though. You've seen Mother. Yeah. I liked it. Yeah. That's fine. The more I think about it, the more annoyed I become with it. Why? Because, I don't know, maybe it's just because of all the... Is it just because Darren Aronofsky's like walking

around town like... He's just like enjoying Let me tell you what it's about! Annoying everybody. Yeah, I don't know. It was... He's doing the opposite of David Lynch. If he wasn't saying anything about it i would like the movie i wish he would so darren yeah darren stop talking i actually don't care because like directors can say what they want i don't give a shit but i also am like well you can say what you want but i get to think what i think about the movie right you

know like i dislike the movie but i walked out of it and was like that's a movie i don't like that i'm really happy exists. Like, I'm happy people are making movies like that or taking swings like that. It's an actual blank check that we don't really get. I'm sorry, say that again. No, that's all right. But his entire response to the press feels like, well, you don't get to make that movie then tell people how they watch it.

Right, there's very, I mean. Because like the whole point of the marketing. A movie that's supposed to be, you get to make that movie then tell people how they watch it right there's very I mean cause like the whole point of the marketing a movie that's supposed to be you get to talk about it after it's supposed to inspire fun conversation and there was that recent interview

he did where he was like in one interview said both like we knew what we were doing it's a punk rock movie it's a punch in the face like you're not supposed

to like it and then also said like you know I'm really frustrated when I see people refusing to engage with the movie intellectually just because it isn't which is it which is it right right at least matthew vaughn is like i want you to be upset like at least he's consistent being like i'm a fuckhead you know i guess so yes there's interviews with him yes um here's my segue i'm gonna do if

you're ready for this do you know that mark Mark Strong, star of the Kingsman films, was in a punk band in college? I did know this. And it was called Private Party because the bit was they didn't want people to show up. So they put signs up where they'd say Private Party Tonight at 7 with the location so people wouldn't show up

because they weren't invited. You know who else was in a punk band when they were young? Good old Liz Hurley Oh really? Was in a punk band when they were young? Good old Liz Hurley. Oh, really? Was in a punk band called Vestal Virgins. Oh, boy. Okay. I take it back. Great. So, The Weight of Water. Yeah, she was a punk. She's from

Basingstoke. She's a punker. And she says when I was 16, the thing to be in Basingstoke was punk. So, she dyed her hair pink. Of course. And pierced her nose. Super punk. I mean, she was 16.

I'm not going to make fun of 16-year-old Liz Hurley. We all do things at that age. Really? Sorry, I'm just reading her. Ben's also just leaning in to read Liz Hurley's Wikipedia page with me, which is fine. It's just, what are you looking for? I'm just interested in punk.

Yeah, sure. Well, she's a queen of punks. Ben, you seem weirdly bored by us not talking about the weight of water for someone who has not seen the weight of water. Uh,

well, no, I don't know. I'm just, I'm doing email stuff for work. How far did you get in before you, uh, fell asleep?

Like 5-10 minutes. Wow! I mean it's not that boring. You were sleeping. Are you sure it's not that boring? It's pretty boring. I had been in Boston over the weekend and I was traveling. That's my excuse. Also I would say the credits are the most boring part of this film.

Oh god. I texted Emma when I started watching this movie. I was like, is this sax music for real and she was like oh yeah the sexy music yeah

over everything even the back in time stuff where that instrument doesn't exist I really thought it was just gonna be the credits but it's the whole movie

it's very what if this movie was about the invention of the saxophone that's like what it's really getting at the Kenny G story the saxophone is akin to

the water's weight. Why is it called The Weight of Water? No, I thought that they would explain that. I thought that would be a line in the movie, but it never is. And you can turn and go, that's The Weight of Water. Yeah, like whispers to date while watching. Right. Whispers to date when water is weight.

That's The Weight of Water. Which also, The Weight of Water sounds like a fake title of a boring drama that someone wants to make in a satire about Hollywood. Like it feels like the screenplay that Vincent D'Onofrio is trying to get them to read. Don't rag on Vincent like this. Yeah, no. It's called The Weight of Water. It's a real screenplay.

No, you're right. It's a fake title. Vince is a great boy. Vince is a great boy. Love Vince Vaughn. All-time great boy. Don't love Vince Vaughn. It's mixed on him.

Stoked for bronze cell block 99. That't love Vince Vaughn. It's mixed on him. Stoked for Braun's Cell Block 99. That looks good. Here it is. Violent. This is like the fourth time we're going to talk about that fucking movie. Why are we still? We keep bringing it up. We're only talking about the same four things in every episode.

We're talking about Jim Belushi, Cell Block 99, but The Weight of Water is based on a book. And when I was watching it like 20 minutes, I was like, wait a second, what the fuck is this movie? So I like Googled it. And I realized it was based on a book. And I I was watching it, like 20 minutes, I was like, wait a second, what the fuck is this movie? So I like Googled it. And I realized it was based on a book and I was like, that makes total sense. This really feels like a movie

that's based on a book. But it wasn't a hugely successful book, right? It was pretty well known, I think, at the time. Let's just say I haven't heard a word about it in my lifetime. Sure.

Neither the book nor the movie. Exactly. Book. Let's find out. I want to see if it was like a bestseller. You have to imagine this was somewhat of a passion project for Bigelow, though. She loved the book. Yeah.

Has she said anything to that effect? I hunted for interviews with her about this movie. Couldn't find anything. No, I found stuff. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. But it's really hard. I had to go to like a book. I had to go to like Google Books.

The Wayback Machine? Yeah. It's hard to look up how successful books were. But I found her... Books Office Mojo. David, check Books Office Mojo.

So that's a wrap. I hate you. Karen and I have to go now. Yeah, you gotta go. Everyone's gotta go. Here we go. Catherine Bigelow interviews Google Books I should have bookmarked this like I'm such an idiot

The Weight of Water she loved the manuscript when she was shooting Strange Days okay so she read the manuscript in 1994 now

Catherine Bigelow's mother was a Norwegian immigrant so I think she was drawn to the story of Norwegian immigrants coming to Smutty Nose Island and just killing each other with chairs. And boy are the noses smutty in this movie. Smutty Nose and Appledore.

I'm quoting this from a book that's like quoting from an interview she gave. My mom's side of the family was all Norwegian so I grew up with these incredible stories of coming to America and trying to make a life here and how difficult that was, yada, yada, yada. They haunted me. So when I read this manuscript,

it was a kind of way to bring back mom, to bring mom back to life. It was very personal for me. Had her mother died recently? She had died recently, yes. She had passed away while she was making Strange. There we go. This movie makes 100% sense to me now.

I feel like most filmmakers have that movie where you're like, what was that? And then they explain it was about one of their parents who had died right before they met. Right.

I'm trying to find, she had loved Sarah Polly in The Sweet Hereafter. I think she's someone of staggering talent, she says. And she like scraped together money. And this is a Studio Canal film. Yeah.

Right. So she. Born film. She had some decent sized stars at this moment. Right. She gets, it was a $16 million budget. It's all on the screen. And Strange Days was her big blank check movie.

And it bombed. It had bombed. And it got a very middling response at the time. And Strange Days was her big blank check movie and it bombed. It had bombed. And it got a very middling response at the time. So maybe she had to, rather than going to another studio You imagine that she would want to just go back to basics, make a real contained adult drama just

to get her feet back on dry land. But also pun not intended for your information. Thank you. Pun not intended. Thank you. But also, if you compare this to Elizabethtown, which is Cameron Crowe's dead parent movie. Sure. This doesn't feel as wildly like-

I didn't think I'd be doing it, but you're right. Yes. Do you understand? Because I do feel like I'm not thinking about that at all. Elizabethtown again. You're like, yeah, why did you write this fucking movie? But there are a lot of movies like that where I feel like I've heard directors afterwards when they were like what was the fucking

point of that movie they're like my dad just died and I was trying to sort through these motions and I didn't really know what I was doing at the time I mean they get that on some level

for this movie in terms of like all the Norwegian stuff but the stuff with like the boat is incomprehensible to me which it's and again

in a book I could see this because it's all internal and right you're cutting you know books like but like it took like an hour in the movie to figure out why they were cross cutting I was like what is the point And again, in a book, I could see this because it's all internal. Oh, for sure. And you're cutting books. But it took like an hour in the movie to figure out why they were cross-cutting. I was like, what is the point of these two storylines being together? I don't think you ever really figure out why they're cross-cutting.

I think she probably read the book and was like, wow, this Norwegian story is amazing. Fuck, I guess I can make the boat stuff too. Right, and it's like, you don't have to. It could have just been a period film. She could have made a movie about this true story. This mysterious murder case. I did think near the beginning, I was like, this is like watching

a bad episode of Masterpiece Theater, which I'm totally down for, but I only want to watch Masterpiece Theater. I don't want to watch Days of Our Lives as well. That was the complaint that most critics had. I was going back to reviews at the time, and they were like, why is this other shit in the movie? The real story is kind of fascinating.

Let me explain. We are connoisseurs of context. We are connoisseurs of context. And I just want to explain what the plot of the movie is because no one's going to watch it anyway and I might as well just lay it out for our listeners. Do it without looking at the Wikipedia. Sure.

Wow. Okay, here we go. You've got parallel storylines. The modern day storyline. You've got Catherine McCormick. Hashtag the two storylines. Exactly. Catherine McCormick. That's her name, right?

Or is it Carolyn? She of Braveheart. Catherine. I think it's Catherine McCormick. Of Braveheart fame. Not a big actress. Bigger in Britain. In those couple of years

after Braveheart, she had some heat. She weirdly, this is one of the last big things she did. She doesn't like to do movies. I read an interview with her. Oh, what did her actor do instead? Something like this. Yeah, but she doesn't.

I wouldn't either. She tread the boards? She does a lot of theater. She just rarely does movies. She treads the boards. She treads the boards. She's a board treader. Don't worry.

Famous board treader. She's treading the boards. She's treading theader. Don't worry. She's treading the boards. She's treading the boards. Don't worry about Emma. Oh my God. She plays a photographer who is working on a story about this famous

19th century murder case. Because photographers usually research. I also do have a follow-up question about this which is like how famous is this murder case? Because number one

I had never heard of it. It's quite famous. And number two the Wikipedia article as Emma and I were discussing prior to recording is a stub. It's shorter than the article on liz hurley's dress okay well there's not a lot of information about it there isn't but i mean if you i think if you go there whatever it's a locally famous there's a lot of okay there's a lot of

weird websites about it i found like while looking through the wikipedia like the stuff that they reference and i was clicking on it and it's all like websites that were made 10 15 years ago back when half the internet was just people trying to figure out was it like angel parasites how many murders from the 19th century do people talk about today you know it's it was a famous enough case that it is still the most famous murder case in like you know that area it was probably yeah it probably was the biggest murder case in Smutty Nose, right? Yeah, I was going to say, like, you mean, like, just Maine. On a now uninhabited island off the coast of Maine.

Anyway, so she's a photographer. She's researching this murder for some reason. Right, because just to be clear, she's a photographer who is researching a story that happened centuries ago that she would not be able to photograph in any way. She's going to photograph the island. Right. Smutty Nose Island. And so she's with her husband, Sean Penn. Who sucks.

Who is a poet of some renown. In my notes, I just wrote Sean Penn weak sauce. Yep. He definitely seems like a twerp. She's going on the yacht of Sean Penn's brother who's played by Josh Lucas. A very charming man.

Yeah, he's a handsome boy. I like him a lot. I like Josh Lucas a lot now. Yeah. You know, this is the era where they're, you know, Sweet Home Alabama's right around the same time

where they're like, yeah, isn't he a handsome guy? He's a little bit of a generic brand handsome guy. Sure. He's a little better now but he's gotten a little more. Third tier antagonist. He's great in that.

Yeah, he is. He is. And he's part of the best shot in that movie when he shoots the... A masterpiece, modern masterpiece. Yeah, well, let's do Ang Lee. So his brother, his brother's a yacht. His brother is married to or just dating? Dating.

Just dating a woman. And they didn't even know. They didn't know he was dating anybody right she's dating a woman played by elizabeth hurley who likes to not wear her top she loves the yacht there's something she loves more than not wearing her top though poetry wait what it's ice cubes she loves ice cubes it's easier to weigh water that way and she loves sean penn's poetry and really wants to talk to him about the poetry. Yes.

So there's this sort of love rhombus that's like going on on this yacht. I have to admit also at the beginning when Catherine's like taking pictures of everyone, I did think it was just going to be like just across the board incest. Like the way that she was like taking pictures of Josh Lucas with his shirt off. I was like, okay, something's going down. They're not related. Staring at Melissa Turley. incest. Like the way that she was taking pictures of Josh Lucas with his shirt off. I was like, okay, something's going down. They're not related. She's not technically related to any of those people, but you were not

supposed to... No, there are lines being crossed. Meanwhile, in the other storyline... There is incest later. Oh, yeah. Right. Not to spoil, but... So, they are... And I guess there's also this sort of trauma in the past of Sean Penn and Catherine McCormick.

But it seems like just Sean Penn. But there are two traumas. One is the daughter of a mysterious trauma, but there's also the death of their daughter. Yeah. Right. And so that's sort of hanging over. But didn't they say the daughter recovered? Then I wasn't paying attention clearly.

Right, because there's the- I thought that she had, but then they talk about her after that. So was that a different child? I'm not keeping track he talks about the death or hospitalization of one of their children and katherine mccormick doesn't like it i interpret it as that was a near-death experience that she then recovered from because they do have a kid they reference being back home fair enough well she has the line though she was like you know he killed a girl right well that's different that's the car that was when i sat up in my chair and, oh, I should pay attention. Late.

Yeah. They dropped that one late. Okay. Ben's looking at his phone. So the 1873. Stop. I know. No, I love it.

I love it. I was just. You don't need another person who didn't see the movie. I'm giving color to the listeners. Scene painting. Okay. So now here's the slide show that I brought along. It's in Microsoft PowerPoint.

In 1873. And I really had to think about who was related to who. I struggle with that the first half of this movie. Just the first half? You got Sarah Polly. She lives on Smutty Nose Island with a bearded man.

Yep. They seem to have a fairly loveless marriage. But he buys her a dog. Named after this island, yes. What were you saying? What did you say? Someone said something?

Oh, I said he buys her a dog, though, which she does love that's the best scene in the movie yes unimpeachably real good dog yeah

the cutest puppy I've seen in a long time and then who shows up on this island but two sisters one of whom is

Vanessa Shaw and Vanessa Shaw is married to Sarah Polly's brother yes and and the other one is Cartland Cartridge

right sure who was I'm not looking at my computer okay she was one of mike lee's big actresses and she died before this film was released that's sad she died in a moment she was very good wait she the one who gets the chair to the face yes uh-huh uh she was in uh naked and topsy-turvy right she was a really good actress i'm getting her name wrong uh her name is, yes, Katrin Cartlidge. Fair enough. And this whole situation we quickly realize is a problem because Sarah Polly

and her brother used to bone. Back in Norway. And they were separated for this reason and Sarah Polly was forced into this loveless marriage. But now that they're back together, it's all boiling up to the surface again and this leads to a murder a double murder yeah sarah polly is the only survivor of that she then fingers kieran hins who's a local

bearded creep who's been trying to slip the salam to everybody he's not being very helpful like you know if he wants to not be accused of murder he's doing a bad job yes but he's constantly going around the town just going like, hi, do you mind if I just put my dick here for a minute? Guys, put my dick here for one minute. As we see, because the movie is actually cutting between three storylines, in case it wasn't confusing enough. It's kind of cutting between

present day, after the murder, and before the murder. Kieran Hines gets Hines, I think it's Hines, gets hanged for the crime, which is what happened. This guy got... But this guy's protests were so vociferous that everyone believed, like, who was there, that he didn't do it.

And so that's why the murder sort of remained this, like, folky tale that people... But he was still a shitty guy. Yeah. Well, okay. You're going to go around hanging all the shitty guys? Mr. Death Penalty? I'm just saying, he was no saint, this one. Sure, but that's not what Bigelow's interested in, I think.

No. Right? She's interested in these weird, tense, ambiguous, romantic dynamics that are forbidden. She's a tension-based filmmaker, above all else. And this is more of a psychologically tense movie than she usually does. Usually she has more immediate, visceral, physical threats that are creating the tension around the characters.

And this movie is like an internal headspace relationship tension film, which isn't as compelling. So that's the plot of the movie, and it kind of builds to a climax, but not really. A storm. Right. In the past, it builds to the murder.

Right. Which is climactic. It's great. That bit is great. Yeah, that bit's really well done. I mean, Sarah Polly's pretty good. She's amazing. I think she's really fucking good in this movie.

She is. When's she bad? Never. Never bad. Do you know she hasn't done a movie since 2010? Like, hasn't acted in this movie she is when's she bad never never bad do you know she hasn't done a movie since 2010 like hasn't acted in a movie

what what has she been doing she directed she's directed three films stories we tell right I mean it was

yeah and she's working on alias grace coming to hulu this fall right right right okay that was the one

interesting as a director a writer okay and I'm not sure if she's directing it. She did Take This Waltz too,

which is a really interesting movie to me. What's an interesting movie? Take This Waltz. Have you ever seen Take This Waltz? Of course. I've seen all her movies.

We met seeing Stories We Tell. Do you know that? That's how David and I became friends. Watching Stories We Tell. The first movie that Emma and I ever saw together was Trolls.

DreamWorks Trolls. God. Which I own on Blu-ray. We got it for David for his birthday. Shout out to Richard Lawson. Have you watched it? Cast and future cast. No, we have to watch it together.

David. I'm waiting for everyone to be able to see it with me. The four friends are all going to watch Trolls. We are going to watch Trolls. And Ben can come too. Ben can come too. I'm sure he won't want to. No, I'm down for Trolls. Excellent. But her

three movies are, away from her, Take the Swaltz and Stories We Tell. And I think they're all great movies. I agree. Take the Swaltz is a challenging movie, I would say. Not in terms of the content is hard to watch or anything, but I feel like, you know, it's hard to know who to

root for it's like subtle it's like interior it's really good my only issue would take this I don't like Lou Kirby yeah he's he drives me a little crazy I read that script before it came out and was like this is fucking incredible this is one of the best scripts I've ever read and then the movie

I end up feeling a little underwhelmed by just because of that performance. You know what else is underwhelming is this movie. Agreed. The Weight of Water? Yeah. Yeah, it's underwhelming. But Sarah Pauline, I mean, after she had made,

everyone kept on saying like, yeah, she really wants to direct. She really wants to direct. Like directors who had worked with her said like, I don't think she likes acting that much. Oh, interesting. And then after she made Away From Her it was like this is all she's going to do but it felt like

great cool as long as you keep making stuff which I understand it's not her choice the realities of the industry are fucking tough to get stuff made. Well she's got the TV show coming which she created so that's something to look forward to. It's just a bummer where it's like I want to live in a world where either we're constantly getting Sarah Polly performances

or we're semi-regularly getting Sarah Pauly projects. And the space between the movies that she's making is frustrating just as a fan of her work when she's also not acting. Which, if she just won't act, by all means, don't act. But watching this, I was like, fuck, she is so good and does... I think there hasn't been anyone to replace Sarah Pauly in terms of what she was specifically capable of doing. It's quite a hot pick. Right?

I don't know. I can't answer that question. I think she... I'd have to think of all actresses and then boil it down to what Sarah Pauly was specifically doing. I think she has a certain quiet expressiveness.

Yeah. A very kind of internalized... Great eyes. Right. Big eyes right super vulnerable big eyes even in this movie where she as the film

she should have been as the painting Tim Burton's big eyes Tim Burton's big eyes middle of the road movie a classic but as the movie goes on

when you're starting to realize like how much right I feel like the movie distorts her innate uh sympathetic empathetic vulnerable qualities in a way that makes you realize how powerful those qualities are okay like i don't know if there's another actress alive today where when they come on screen

i feel that invested in and worried about their well-being as you do when you're watching a Sarah Polly movie because she just seems so sad all the time she's got a sad face she reminded me a lot of and I actually I watched this recently

so it's probably why it reminded me a lot of it but I thought I kept thinking of Sissy Spacek and Carrie sure that same sort of look of a person

highly expressive yeah and then you want her to be okay yeah just like please come I want to give you a sweater and like

right and both of them like give her a sweater Carrie really would've if Piper Laurie had just given her a fucking sweater

she just needed a sweater she just needs a sweater but there's that and adequate feminine hygiene like explanations but both very pale actors

yes there's that moment in this movie after she has spoiler slept with Vanessa Shaw sure where it's literally though yes there's that moment in this movie after she has spoiler slept with Vanessa Shaw uh sure

where it's literally right not like right she tries there's some there's some massaging

they get a little that was a theme in this movie the massaging there's a lot of that because it's so intricately linked both storylines

where she's like get now backs uh uh Because it's so intricately linked, both storylines. Yeah. Where she's like, backs. Sorry, carry on. There's that moment, they stay on like a sideways close-up of her face lying in the bed. That starts with- Horizontal. Right. Vanessa Shaw massaging her and then continues as Vanessa Shaw walks away and she's talking

her off in the distance. And like, Sarah Polly barely moves her face and speaks volumes. You're staying on her face for like a minute and a half, two minutes and you could like zoom in and barely notice muscles.

It's on the poster. Oh for real? The poster is her doing that. Sean Penn just face. And then hurley applying suntan lotion right it looks in a bikini it looks like this is a complete misrepresentation it looks like it looks like a sexy beach movie like that does not look anything like the movie actually there's sort of the color is like all bronze like it's got this sort of sunny... It looks like the publicity company saw this movie and was like

What do we do? It's a very early 2000s poster where it's like a lot of boxes. Remember that? We love to put everything in boxes. Borders that overlap. Like the same picture but there's a border in the middle of it.

I'm exaggeratedly raising my hands up in the air. Can I tell you what my relationship was to this movie before watching it for this episode? Well, you'd wade water like we all have. Every day. Every day. What is the way to water? We recently graduated to ice cubes. Yes.

The problem was I didn't use cups. I just kept on pouring water on top of a scale. And just to be clear, one liter of water weighs about 2.2 pounds. Thank you. Thank you. You're welcome. Thank you. Is that the missing piece of the puzzle that we need to figure out this movie?

Could have mentioned that. All right. So now that we know that. All right. What does this mean? I remember going to see a one-hour photo with my father when it came out. The Mark Romanek picture, which we've talked about being totally fine. Okay.

Right. That's a movie about a guy who's a creep. Yes. Subtle. So that's like a weird, uncomfortable, like cold movie. Yeah. It's like, what if a guy was a real creepo? Right.

And I was 13. And then at the end, it turned out he was a creepo, which you already knew. Sorry. Carry on. I was 13. I desperately want to see this Mark Romanek thriller. Well, you were probably hyped for serious Robin Williams and into the Oscar implications of it, because that's why I said that. That thing. And then also just like I was 13, I can see grown-up movies as long as my dad takes me. Yes. I like movies that are about

creepy things, right? So I remember seeing that, which is not a movie that should appeal to children unless you're a young Oscar handicapper. And even so, sitting at the Union Square Theater opening night to see one hour photo and being hyped, when the Weight of Water trailer came on, I was like, oh, that looks like some

grown-up shit. I remember just having this feeling of like, that looks like that's one step beyond what I as a 13-year-old am interested in seeing. I was like, oh, that looks like some grown-up shit. I remember just having this feeling of like, that looks like that's one step beyond what I, as a 13-year-old, am interested in seeing. I feel like you're not far off the mark, though, because watching this movie, I was like this, now that I think about it, I'm like, this is what, as a 13-year-old, I've been like, this is what adult movies are like.

Right, like, if I, this is the kind of movie I remember going into my mom's room and she'd be watching something that looked like this on a VHS, and I'd be like, what's this? And she'd be like, that looked like this on a VHS I'd be like what's this and she'd be like it's a movie this director she was pretty good you know and like it's all about these human relationships right like they're like past traumas and angst because there were times when I was like eight or nine where my mom would be like well said good way no there were those times where I'd be like eight or nine my mom would have rented a video from like couch potato and across the street and it would be like an Oscar movie that I'd heard of that I want to watch like oh

LA Confidential that one looks cool and she'd be like you can't watch this it's rated R right and then and I try to sneak in and sometimes I'd walk in and it'd be something that looked like weight of water and I'd be like I'm good I'm gonna go back to watching Rugrats like I don't need to punch above my intellectual weight class this looks like some boring grown-up shit you know that Mulaney joke about his dad getting one cup of black coffee at McDonald's that's what this movie is one black coffee yeah it's like there's nothing for children here that having been said I think I like this movie a little more than the three of you no I'm not actually this is like a solid two star movie maybe Two and a half. Maybe two and a half. I watched it and I was like, I think this is fine.

I mean, it's clearly made by like a skilled craftsman, you know? No, but it's a woman. Thank you. It's building to something and then it's like, I built to it. What do you think? And I was kind of like, eh. See, I give it two stars as well. But the thing to note, the context here is that I'm a person who-

Okay, rub that context against the mic so we can hear it. I can hear it barely. Okay, the context here is that I'm a person who tends to rate in fours and fives. I like to like movies. Sure. I'm very generous with ratings. So this is a Karen 2. Yeah, this is a Karen 2.

You gotta weigh that down. Wow. Let me read, Emma, your review on Letterboxd. Have you seen her review? I have not. Everyone should follow review on Letterboxd. Have you seen her review? I have not. Everyone should follow me on Letterboxd. Now, Emma, you don't give star rating. I don't.

I used to, but I just, it's too much work. Yeah, I don't know. I don't care. It's better that way. Such a nihilist. David Sims owes me $2.99. Oh, me as well. I'll be submitting my invoice to you at the end of this episode.

I bought this movie on iTunes because it was so cheap to buy it. It's like $6. Yeah. Because they were just like, fuck it, who cares? Support film. So I was like,

for an extra $2 versus renting and buying, I'll buy it. It is an extra $6 because you pointed out on your Twitter that it is $8.99. Is it $8.99?

No, I think it was less than that. Okay. I can't remember how much I spent. I spent less than $10. You went as a fistful of dollars David. I spent a fistful of dollars buying this movie. Call me the man with no name. My mom used to be on my Amazon account in terms of like streaming. It used to be linked to my account, but

she didn't understand the difference between renting and buying. Oh. So I would get these emails that I had just purchased the other woman. Great. And I'm proud of the curation of my movie collections. Like both my physical media but also if I go into my digital my cloud and I go like these are all movies I like

and then every time I scroll through I'm like fuck I own the other woman and Deadpool. Deadpool? Like on opposite ends of the spectrum. That's no good but the the other woman, who cares? Who cares? I thought Deadpool was funny. I laughed. I had a great time.

I thought Deadpool was good. I thought it was funny. I think Deadpool's fine. I wouldn't own it. No. I wouldn't own it. I had laughed in the theater. I sat there and I went, okay. Cool. Congrats on doing that. I like when they played Angel of Mourning. Great song. I on doing that. I know you hate it, David. I like when they played Angel of the Morning. Great song.

Sure. I mean, okay. Again, like. Just call me Angel. Like, yeah. She knows what she likes. I was talking to Emma before this podcast, and I was like, I feel like I have a handful of ways just to piss David off throughout.

It's not like a movie has never played Angel of the Morning before. No, it's not. But I'm saying like that is a way to get me on board with a movie. I think the first Charlie's Angels, right?

Sure. Plays it? Yeah. Great gig. Yeah, great bit. I don't even know if you're doing a bit. I'm not.

I think in the Tom Green Chad scene, they just call me... Charlie's Angels, considering that it was directed by McGee and features Tom Green and Matt LeBlanc as two of the three boyfriends, has aged interestingly. Yeah. Yeah. That is a movie that really feels frozen in time.

So here was my shift between the first Kingsman and the second Kingsman. Oh my God. All right, go for it. The first Kingsman, I was like, is Matthew Von Verhoeven? And the second Kingsman, I my God. All right, go for it. The first Kingsman I was like, is Matthew Vaughn Verhoeven? And the second Kingsman I was like, is Matthew Vaughn McGee? Yeah, the action. Right, do you know what I'm saying?

Yeah, the action in Kingsman 2 is really bad. And it's just him doing the same trick he did in Kingsman 1 that like the fake long shot where his camera's doing all these sort of CGI swivels. Which I find entertaining. Yeah, it's entertaining when you see it once. Sure. I agree with Griff.

I think it's entertaining. That's my bottom line. There you go. I think it's sloppier in its execution in the second one, and they overdo it, much like they overdo everything. You know what? I felt like I needed six more instances of Elton John turning to the camera and literally going like I will admit I clapped in delight every time he showed up so many times like twice within one

fight scene I did not enjoy Elton John's cameo I do know you hated it extended cameo in and I love Elton John yeah great uh as a musician oh no that's my fourth thing that I liked about Kingsman is that Elton John does a fly kick it's all I need out of the movie no you see i gotta see this now yeah we're going right after this if elton john did a fly kick in weight of water would you give it five yes i would i absolutely would i mean that would be an interesting move elton john showed up playing the saxophone if he what if that was the way they linked the two segments at the end of the movie was they realized the entire movie was the fantasy of Elton John playing the saxophone and imagining two stories that would be soundtracked well by that music. Five stars, liked on Letterboxd.

It is weird that like the soundtrack and some of the imagery makes this movie feel very like Red Shoe Diaries. Where it kept on feeling this movie was like going to explode in like torrid sexuality. That's very generous because again, my point of reference was just Masterpiece Theater. Sure. But like not a good episode.

There's a weird seedy thing. Maybe it is mostly just the music. Yeah. But then it's like, oh, there's a back rub and an ice cube. I was expecting a lot

of weird sexy stuff from this. It felt like the movie was ready to come out with the weird sexy stuff. My first note when I started watching this was like, this movie's about swingers. Which turned out to not be true at all. No.

It's about people who think maybe one day they'll swing. But no, I don't think so. I really thought everyone was going to fuck. Well, on the yacht. Just all at the same time. On the yacht, it definitely. And it would connect the two timelines. Because then like in the past, everyone would be.

Yeah, it would be like a Sense8 orgy scene where everyone's just boning. And they would just do it in exactly the same place they'd bridge the timelines like if the yacht came to like a time tunnel and like somehow they crashed on Smutty Nose Island and then they all had sex yeah, be an interesting move

here's my pitch the two quartets fuck at the same time they're cross-cutting. Then suddenly the images start flickering. Like Hannibal sex scenes now? Sure. And it turns out they're like Freaky Friday-ing each other.

It's like the Jetsons meet the Flintstones and they go back. They switch places. But that's not what this movie's about. This movie's not a sex thriller. I'm saying what if it was? It's decidedly not a sex thriller. What if it was a time-traveling sex thriller that became a fish-out-of-water comedy? Oh, what are we doing on this boat? What are we doing in Smutty Nose?

And Liz Hurley is in Kieran Hines' body. Oh, my God. She's the one who wants to boat everyone. Flip-flopped. Yeah. But this is not that movie. This is a movie where, like, I mean, the crucial final thing

is that Katherine McCormick, who has been sort of quietly jealous of Elizabeth Hurley during this big storm, decides to not warn her that the sailboats are going to swing around. Did she come above the cabin because she was seasick? Why did she come up in the first place? Why did Liz Hurley come up? Yes, because she's seasick. She's going to barf. did Liz Hurley come up? Yes, because she's seasick. She's going to just throw up in the boat.

If the storm is like this, don't want to get dirty. There's like so much shit that you could barf into and take care of it. Later. She comes out to throw up over the side of the boat. Catherine McCormack comes out to rescue her, I guess, but she was steering the boat.

She's steering the boat. And then, and she just sort of quietly lets her get knocked over seat yeah over overboard oh no it's this like

sort of murder by omission right like she like that's like what Catherine Bigelow is trying to build to this tricky

like thing that she's sort of doesn't do but in doing it does do something I thought that was gonna happen with Penn

because she has such open contempt for Penn the whole movie. Yeah, well, he's a shithead. Depicted as being such a shithead. I actually kind of like Penn in this movie because I think it's one of the only movies to fully make use of everything that's grody about Sean Penn. Usually movies ask us to like Sean Penn.

Even in Mystic River where he's playing like, you know, like a violent, like sociopathic, like criminal. Yeah. You're still like, but he's going through a lot. Heopathic like criminal yeah you're still like but he's going through a lot he's so cool yeah

and this movie from top to bottom is like fuck this guy yeah so I was like all for Sean Penn falling over the side

of the boat well but then he does yeah I mean right that's the idea it's like she tries to balance the universe in one way

and the universe sort of balances back at her and cause he goes in to rescue Liz Hurley and then he drowns? I think what we're saying is we could have just cut out the middle man here. Like you're saying just knock him over with the seal.

Because you want him. But she wants to make this intimate drama about like you know like emotional betrayal or whatever. But it's also it's a drama about and I have no larger point here but I just think it needs to be called out, about women murdering other women, or at least attempting to.

Sure, right, because this is cross-cutting with Sarah Polly killing someone with a chair. Right. And then killing an ex-person with an ex. And men ultimately paying the price. And then she like sits down and has dinner. For a woman on what I mean, murder. Right. What do they have for dinner?

What does she eat? Or does she just drink tea? I think she just drank the tea. Or at least I was not paying attention for any food. In the actual murder, there was a meal prepared that Wagner, the guy who did it, ate. He ate the meal? He did, yeah. It was like

set out on the table for the husbands to come home and eat it. And he just sort of took a little bit of it with him and left i feel like he might have done it irl um but uh wait i had this whole well this is the only movie she's made about marriage i did kind of wonder halfway through if this was like gonna turn out to be and i hesitate to use this word but like a feminist drama because like the whole point of Sarah Pauly's drama is like she's experiencing this extreme stress at home. She's been backed into except she's

except it's incest so you're not it's not like it's not just that it's not just that because the first chunk of the movie before the brother arrives and you start to get those notes it's just this is a shitty marriage and her husband keeps being like we're gonna have some more people staying over and it's like no one of the saddest sex scenes i've ever seen in a film yeah but big big bigelow bam bam bigelow yeah yeah yeah has only been married

the one time is that correct the one time am i correct on Let me see. I don't want to. According to Wikipedia. Yes. Which was a pretty short marriage. Like a couple years. She has been in a very long term relationship that she does not talk about. She was also for a very long time. Dating Mark Boll for a while.

That was a thing. I mean I think that's been rumored. I don't know. I felt like they publicly acknowledged that and they are no longer dating anymore. Oh, I don't know. Maybe. I just think, I mean, not to overread into it, but I think it is kind of. We're in the dating segment of the show now. We do do that a lot.

I do think there's something to the fact that she only had one short-lived marriage and has been in relationships since then, but doesn't seem to be interested in getting married again. And this movie presents marriage as being a bomber. That's right. That's what i was getting at this is a movie about marriage that's like marriage is an emotional cage right uh that uh leads to death yeah and despair no one else is having a good time either though uh well i think josh lucas and liz hurley were having an okay time on their yachts before these bummer marrieds showed up. They infected them with married bums. I had to push my mic away.

I think Vanessa Shaw is happy to be married to the boy. Oh, she's having a great time. Yeah, she's having an okay time. She's pretty free-spirited. They are both cute. They're both very cute. He's less cute once you find out that he was involved in some incest, though. Yeah, a little bit less cute.

Sure. I mean, this is not a cute movie. It's a bit of a red flag for me. This movie's not going for cuteness. No, it's not charming. This movie is so fucking hard to explain. I watched it with Joanna. She, like, weirdly paid attention.

She was, like, baking during the... What did she bake? Cookies. What kind of cookies? Chocolate chip. And you didn't bring any for us no they're in my home

I had two this morning nuts or no no nuts well done so she was sort of in and out but she watched like 70% of this movie

and then at the end you got your credits rolling and we were just like that was weird I mean it's sort of it's sort of I don't know what I'm supposed to take away. The movie also doesn't really end.

It's just like a bunch of things happen and then credits roll. Correct. Yeah. I don't want any more from it, though. No, for sure, no. This movie took five hours out of my life. Oh, God, thanks for being over. Five hours?

How dare you? It is 113 minutes. No, it's five hours long. It's not short. I'll tell you what movie took five hours out of my fucking life is Kingsman the Golden Circle. I will say, despite sitting there

pleasantly entertained enough, if not morally distraught, I did sit there and go, this feels like it's five hours long. For which movie? For Kingsman 2. Wasn't it two hours and 20 minutes? Yeah.

Is it 2.20? It's 2.20. You could have told me that movie was three hours. I would have believed you. It's fucking long. It's a breezy two and a half hours. Feels like one hour of my life it 220? It's 220. You could have told me that movie was three hours. I would have believed you. It felt like binging an entire season. It's a breezy two and a half hours.

Feels like one hour of my life went by. It was great. Felt very long. Carrie's definitely team Kingsman in the Golden Circle. You guys hear how long

Blade Runner is, right? Like three hours. It's like two hours 45. Yeah, 250. I think I might just not do it. Yep. Really?

I hear it's good. Have you heard how long? I've heard the opposite. From who? I'm not telling you hear it's good. Have you heard how long? I've heard the opposite. From who? I'm not telling you. Ryan Gosling. Have you heard? My personal friend, Ryan.

Have you heard how long Daddy's Home 2 is? No. How long is it? Four hours and 56 minutes. No. Yeah, we're doing it. Bella Tarr directed it. You don't know this?

Bella Tarr is Daddy's Home 2. Yeah. Daddy's Home 2 is the decalogue of what is it, 2017? I don't have any real desire to see that movie, but every time I watch the trailer- What, Daddy's home 2 is the decalogue of what is it 2017 i don't have any real desire to see that movie but every time i watch the trailer daddy's home 2 that movie looks like a nightmare let's talk about daddy's home 2 okay but every time i watch the reveal of john lithgow is the most successful piece of comedy every time i see him coming down the escalator to love will keep us together i'm like i'm gonna watch it it is so well said i went back and watched daddy's home 1

because of how well they land that joke in the trailer. How'd it hold up? First one's solid. I've said this on the podcast. I'll say it again. First one is totally solid character-based comedy. All right, I have to speak about this. I have to speak on the record.

Because I did not see Daddy's Home because I didn't want to, right? Right. Despite the fact that Sofia Coppola says it's one of the best movies of the 21st century. Right. Then she said that, and then on our Memento episode, Amy Nicholson came on, Amy Nicholson stand for the movie because she likes John Cena.

And you said what you just said, which is it's solid. I put that shit on 15 minutes in. I was dying. That movie sucks. Not true. So. Not true. It's solid.

I hate movies. One, I hate movies. Let's just stop there. I hate movies. I hate movies. One, that spend the first half hour setting up a premise that... Let's just stop there. I hate movies, no. I hate movies, one, that spend the first half hour setting up a premise

that it takes one minute to get. You gotta live with those characters. 25 minutes in, they're like, so, you know, the thing about it is, like, Will Ferrell's kind of a stick in the mud and Mark Wahlberg's kind of a bad boy and I'm like, yeah, no, no, I get it. David, you gotta live with these characters

to really get them in your bones. Number two, I... You gotta emotionally invest in them. I really usually just don't like the Will Ferrell plays the straight arrow thing you love Talladega Nights

Talladega Nights is amazing you like wacky Ferrell I was gonna say that is the Ferrell that you're looking for yes that's a good call but like

I'm trying to because I think there is one Ferrell movie other guys yeah but that's but the whole point of other guys is that that character

is a psycho right which I love see I like straight man Will Ferrell I don't like straight man Will Ferrell because like

name me some straight man Will Ferrell movies stranger than fiction that movie rules not because it's best stranger than fiction other guys

I mean yes it is true that he is technically a psycho in the other guys but in terms of yeah the bit where he goes America

like the whole point of that movie is that Mark Wahlberg is other guys. Yeah, the bit where he goes, America! Like, the whole point of that movie is that Mark Wahlberg is secretly the straight man. Right. Because the scene where they have dinner with Eva Mendes is the one where Mark Wahlberg realizes, like, oh, wait a second,

this guy is not what he appears. He's out of his mind. And I'm the one who's trying to point this out and no one will acknowledge that. His whole backstory and all of that. Now I'm trying to think what other feral straight man movies are. I mean, I just felt like on SNL

he was one of the best straight men they ever had. That's true. That was the key to his versatility was that. Will Farrell as Alex Trebek

is like one of the great straight men. Right. That's very true. But a whole movie, but I hate it when he's cheerful. Cheerful straight man,

you know? I like that. Because Trebek is kind of this sort of buttoned up like kind of raging straight man. Rful straight man, you know? I like that. Because Trebek is kind of this sort of buttoned up like kind of raging straight man. Raging straight man. You know what we don't

give SNL enough credit for? Go ahead. Keeping the mustache on Trebek even after real life. Yes, yes. I agree. The mustache is crucial.

They double down on like this is its own character. Like this has so little correlation to the real Alex Trebek at this point. Yeah, Streetman, Will Ferrell. Anyway, it's a good argument to have. Yeah, I like it.

But I'm really not interested in Daddy's Home 2. When Linda Cardellini calls, she should call him a snowflake or a cuck. I can't remember. Snowflake. Yeah, it's bad. She should have such a good career. Yeah, what has happened?

I don't know. You know what happened? Ten years on ER. She broke up with a good career. Yeah, what has happened? I don't know. You know what happened? Ten years on ER. She broke up with Jason Segel. No, that is not why. I know, I know, I know. That's the dirty rumor. We're about to date talk now.

I do think that ER, yeah, ER kind of handcuffs any actor. And it was kind of like a pit. She spent like ten seasons making it. It wasn't ten. She's on it for like six. But she had a rough character too. Her character was like the character who was always

bad boyfriends. She was quote unquote kind of a little trashy and it was really bad. I think she's done some good work. She was great on Mad Men. I think she's the best part of Avengers 2. To the extent I wish the rest of the movie

was about her when she entered. James Spader is the best part of Avengers 2. Linda Kerlain is the best part of Avengers 2. To the extent I wish the rest of the movie was about her when she entered. James Spader is the best part of Avengers 2. Linda Kerlain is the best part of Avengers 2. Andy Serkis is the best part of Avengers 2. Okay. Thanks, guys. Least surprising opinion of all time. What a KB.

Oh, yeah. She's great in Brokeback. Let me ask you a question. Sure. Is Jeremy Renner a KB or does he cross the threshold into being too much of a movie star because he feels like a tweener to me?

He is a bit of a tweener. He's back and forth. I loved him in American Hustle, but I haven't felt like anything has measured up to how much I loved him in that movie. Because like Born Legacy is probably a total turn off for you.

Yeah, it's bad. But then you see him in like American Hustle and you're going like... That pompadour really did it for me. Smells like a KB in there. His's the best performance in American Hustle he's great yeah I agree with that

he needs to do more like he basically if you dress any actor up to look like they're doing a character actor bit I will love it like guarantee

Emma Stefanski yeah what are your thoughts on Jeremy Renner I just wanted to give Emma the floor for a second oh I think he's great I think he's

I think he's very talented I think he's very funny. He's very funny in a very subdued way, which I like a lot in Mission Impossible. I knew you were going to say it. But I'll say this. He's funny in those movies and I'm worried about him not being in sex.

I agree. Because who they replaced him with? Cavill? Yes. No, no. Yeah, but that mustache. Stache Cavill. That's stache. That's stache stuff. Emma gets it. My thing with Jeremy Renner, I've said it before, I'll say it again.

He is one of our finest character actors. No, we agree on this. He almost always is misutilized as a leading man. Yeah, he suffers. Except for the one film we're going to talk about in this miniseries where he's incredible. She's so good. Yeah, he's terrific.

But everyone went after that. Oh, I guess he's a leading actor. People misread that. How you doing, Ben? I'm good. Water. It's heavy. I like water normally, but I like wet stuff. I like wet movies.

It's a wet movie, but this is a big storm. The credits all take place underwater and you still fell asleep. Yeah, no. To be fair, the credits are sleepy. You're a big snoozer. I don't think I paid attention to the credits. Is it just like water?

It feels like an Enya music video. Shimmering water. It's like artifacts underneath the water. That's exactly what it is. And then they just bring up some Isle of Shoal articles. It's like watching a PowerPoint presentation. I went and like made myself dinner while the credits

were going hey what about that dumb thing in this movie where they like sometimes freeze frame in the middle of a scene oh god that was awful

and you think your player's just freezing up but it turns out to be a deliberate choice and then she has that later line where she says I remember when we met

you said we're both just trying to figure out how to stop time yeah but they like stop freezing stuff they freeze stuff at like the first ten minutes.

A lot. And then they never do it again. Do they make the noise like it's a photograph? No. They didn't, and that's what I thought it was going to do, because she's a photographer, so it would make sense. She also, the weird negative shot she does when she cuts to the murder of the house,

where it's like, you know, that's weird, too. Yeah, I agree. She makes some odd camera shots. The stuff, and I'm just remembering this now, because I totally forgot about it's like, you know, that's weird too. Yeah, I agree. She makes some odd camera shots. The stuff, and I'm just remembering this now because I totally forgot about it until now. But the stuff, I think like the actual murder part that isn't at the end, like the stuff that you see before. Yes, right, right. Early on too.

When it's like, when they're going through the whole like, oh, he did it, blah, blah, blah. And that, the stuff, the way that that stuff is shot is actually really interesting. I liked those bits. It was very like a Murnau movie. She's a good director. She's a decent director. I think the murder scenes are pretty effective. I agree.

And I also feel like even in some of those boat scenes that are very uninterestingly written, you know, functionally acted, uninteresting in terms of the dramatics of what's actually happening, I do think, and it's that thing that's like a test of a good filmmaker, is like how well you can shoot a dialogue scene that is innately uncinematic. And you look at how she balances like the degree of, she's really good at holding back on close-ups unless she actually needs them to make a point.

And there's the scene where she tells Elizabeth Hurley about Sean Penn's car accident, and she goes in really, really tight on McCormick's face. Right. Like, cutting off a large section of her face. That's a decent scene. The only problem with it is that you don't really know what the fuck Sean Penn's talking about. You just know that it's bad. You know that it's affecting her.

Right. And she plays that very well. But I just think that scene is very well directed. It just feels like a half of the movie that doesn't need to be part of the story. And what you're saying about how interesting the murder scenes are, it makes you wish that she just made that movie. Yeah. That she had read this book. I think it was the first point that we came around to that was like it should have just been the Norwegian stuff.

You just imagine her mom dies. She reads this book. She connects to the Norwegian thing. Right? Exactly reads this book, she connects to the Norwegian thing, right? Exactly. Right, maybe she connects to the present day stuff in terms of having a shitty husband.

Right? Yeah, right, right. A shitty artistic husband. Right. Oh, this book introduced me to this real life story, now I'm going to do more research into this story.

Yeah, just do the Smutty Nose Murders. Right, because it felt like that could have been a pretty good one. You could call it Smutty Nose. Why it's called Smutty Nose Island? Because when they came over there, one of the guys in the boat Right, because it felt like that could have been a pretty good one. You could call it Smutty Nose. Why it's called Smutty Nose Island? Because when they came over there, one of the guys in the boat was like, it looks like the dirty nose of a sea creature.

Because it's got seaweed or something, right? It's got all the dried black seaweed on it. Also, that nose likes to fuck. Oh, God. Because it's smutty? It's a porno-obsessed nose. This is what it's like working with Griffin Newman.

Yeah, she knows knows she works with karen yeah um she gets it you don't have to explain it's like there is the pyro dynamic it's not an as if situation i'm living in this yeah every day high five we rule you know i'm just learning too that uh he escaped he escaped from jail after they got him so like you could have a whole subplot about him escaping from jail because there's a whole crucial thing where Sarah Polly at the end confesses

and she's like he didn't do it and they're just like well you were hysterical and we already killed him so let's just close the book on this you know like they don't and it's sort of a weird anticlimactic ending yeah i do think there's uh this thing where like i feel like catherine bigelow like works in in duologies like every two movies of hers kind of feel connected to each other we're like we talked about how like loveless and near dark are very similar

they're movies about subcultures right and sort of like anthropological studies of how they exist and Blue Steel and Point Break

are very much like the stylish thriller element and they're both films very focused on the genders of their characters

and those dynamics of them existing in the world Strange Days is kind of the outlier because that feels like the one chance she got to make

exactly the movie she wanted to make with a big budget right and that didn't work and then like k19 and weight of water are her like boring diptych they're like boring water movies right they're the two movies that feel like her being like how do i make a grown-up movie like what's my like if i move away from genre you know and then uh you know and and then you know and then I think Zero Dark Thirty and Her Locker are very much of a piece and I think Detroit fails because it misidentifies

the things that worked about Zero Dark Thirty and Her Locker Detroit is like the rattle and hum where it's like she's like let's do a third one

a third Mark Bowles script a third recreation of a historical event a third sort of like you know amoral you know very very

intense detailed recreation of something and people like no no no you don't get to say you you know you're taking back helter skelter but also the biggest difference is that like hurt locker and zero dark 30 are both character pieces and detroit is not uh right well yeah and we'll get to that we'll get to that we'll get to that for sure for sure we'll get to that the weight'll get to that. For sure. For sure. We'll get to that. The Weight of Water was released at the 2000 Toronto Film Festival. Right. Didn't come out until two years later. It gets eventually picked up by Lionsgate and released two years later.

It's released in Italy in 2001. Why? I don't know. Interesting. Italians love the Smutty Nose murders. They love it. Oh, Smutty Nose. They're all just fascinated with Maine culture.

Yeah. Very similar. Oh, yeah. It's a U.S. debut. I just want to make clear. Is it the Maine International Film Festival in 2001?

Wow. But yes, it finally comes out USA November 1st, 2002 after it premiered on video in Serbia. Wow.

What was the thing I was going to say? Okay, so Books Office game, 2002. I guess the hours was probably pretty high on the charts, right? Wait, what are you trying to get ahead of the game? I'm trying to guess the Books Office. Books, I hate you. Exhausted.

Go to Books Office Mojo. My least favorite person. No, I like you. Books Office Mo office mojo this movie i just want to tell you in total across 109 000 not a great amount of money not a lot it's about uh what one 160th of its budget or whatever like yeah not covering one might. It was released in 27 theaters on November 1st. It was out of theaters three weeks later. Well. So short run.

It debuts at number 53. Three. At the box office with $45,000. That is bad. So not a great debut. No. Not something you really can build on there. It does come in ahead of the imax haunted

castle movie what had was it opening that weekend well no that's in its 85th week okay holy shit so i'm just saying so way to water not in the top five for the box sure sure the box office game um number one november 1st 2002 is a christmas movie a sequel santa claus 2 santa claus 2 the escape class uh the escape clause which comes out are we let's see eight years after the first santa claus uh 2006 2005 no it's 2004 i'm sorry 1994 what am i saying it was 1994 wasn't it no all alright so a bunch of stuff yes the first one is Santa Claus

comes out in 1994 second comes out in 2002 the third one is the escape clause that's 2006 with Martin Short as Jack Frost

the second one is called the Mrs. Clause I guess so it doesn't have an actual like on screen subtitle but right

who here has seen the Santa Claus 2 I've seen like Martin Short's bits that's three that is three that's the escape clause we're talking about

the Mrs. Claus tell me about Santa Claus 2 it's I mean I don't really remember much of it but I had a good time

who's his wife Elizabeth Mitchell yeah they realize there's a Mrs. Claus yeah where remember how in the first one

he starts turning into Santa Claus? Yeah. They realize if you're not married within, oh, seven years of the first film, that you start turning back into a normal guy. So he has to find a Mrs. Claus or else he'll stop being Santa. So he starts getting skinny again and his hair starts turning brown. So he's just trying to do the opposite of the first movie's bit, but less interesting. Has to make a woman

fall in love with him. Break the curse. It's like a reverse Beauty and the Beast. I saw the Santa Claus one in theaters with my brother, and he was very young, and he burst into tears when Santa Claus died.

Oh my God. I got very emotional when he gives Judge Reinhold the toy he always wanted as a kid. That's a nice bit at the end of the first Santa Claus. The first Santa Claus the first Santa Claus is okay

I think solid Santa Claus 2 is number 5 in Box Office Mojo's comedy hyphen fat suit what's 4 through 1

okay number 1 I do not think belongs in this character it's Mrs. Doubtfire no not 5 that's not a fat suit movie. That's a chub suit. He's just wearing makeup.

He's wearing, yes, he has become a new character. He's got a chub suit on. Sure. What do you see him without the dress? He's got a chub suit on. And then it's Austin Powers. There is a scene where he gets the suit made for him. Yes, yes.

By the guy. Right, but it's not really like. The woman suit. The weight is not really the sort of thing that's going on there. He's turning into an old woman. That's what's happening there. But then number two is Goldmember?

Number two is Goldmember number three is Spy Who Shacked Me. Which Fat Baxter only has one scene in Goldmember. He's in it. Yeah but I mean you want to call that a fat suit comedy?

I don't know. Is Weight of Water an Ice Cube thriller in that case? Yes. I guess so. Then you got Santa Claus 1 and 2

then you got The Nutty Professors 1 and 2 then you've got Hairspray which again is a little tricky but it's more her size is more of a plot point. one and two. Then you got the nutty professors, one and two. Then you've got hairspray. Sure. Which again is a little tricky, but it's more, her size is more of a,

it's a plot point. Yeah. Big Mama's house and Dodgeball is number 10 because there's the Ben Affleck. The fucking epilogue? Well, no,

Ben Stiller even. No, it's more than the epilogue, right? He's in like a few scenes where you see him. Not memory. No,

because it's at the end after he loses, he starts gaining weight. No, I remember. I remember. I think it's only the epilogue and then norbit sure and then there's just like a lot of tyler perry movies and shallow how what a what a list that is what is number two at the box office number two at the box office is a horror film it was number two the week before, but it has only dropped 2%. Is it The Ring? It's The Ring.

Oh, yeah. Because the opposite of a usual horror movie, which is like opens big, drops immediately. Because The Ring only opened in the high teens, right? The Ring opening weekend was $15 million. Right, not great. But then it stayed because it crossed $100, which is a really good multiple. In its second weekend it makes $18 million.

And in its third weekend it makes $18 million. And in its fourth weekend it makes $15 million. Huge word of mouth word of mouth hit. Good movie. A stylish movie from a great filmmaker.

I mean, I disagree. How do you feel about Gore? I love him. I think he's great. He's cool. Yeah, you guys are total maniacs. You gotta know. I like the...

He's a likable director. He is. I'm not like obsessed or anything. Sure. I'm with you. Right, exactly. You guys Rango on the reg? I love Rango.

I love Rango.ango's I love Rango Rango's his best movie you love you love Bugs and Lizards it's a big Bugs and Lizards movie that's my bit you're the queen of the bugs that's true

Emma's bit we should note is that she's queen of bugs I love them they're great the EB's Emma's bugs Emma's bugs

yeah EB's Karen Boy's the EBGB's the EBGB's thanks thanks for laughing that's what I give people no laugh here

the ring the original I think the original's better I've only seen the original I've never seen the remake Asian Horror's always scarier I didn't find it scary I kind of like the remake

I think because I knew what was gonna happen like I knew I was gonna see her come out of the TV I didn't know she was gonna come out of that motherfucking TV when I saw that movie

do you know what I think The Ring does incredibly well? I think it is one of the only movies to successfully pull off. And I can only speak for myself, but I felt very tricked by it. The fake out ending. Because there's the point where they defeat Samara and the movie's gone on long enough and you think it's over and she wakes up the sun and she goes like, we're cured. And then there's another 20 minutes of the movie. Yeah, no, that's a good call

it's a decent fake out it doesn't fake out really well I think that movie's good I also think that movie was just generally generationally important agreed

as like the first horror movie a lot of kids saw because it was a PG-13 right I remember seeing that with like my entire 8th grade class or whatever it was

and all of us flipping the fuck out I also think the video is really good it It's scary. In the original, it's also good, but it's just so low quality. It's a little harder. Verbinski's a master stylist.

He is. Look at those Budweiser frogs. He knows how to shoot things. Number three at the box office is a buddy comedy. It's a flop. This is opening number three. It was expensive. a buddy comedy it's a flop this is opening number three it was expensive yeah

good job I remember this vividly this was like my my eighth grade or whatever I was like in the pocket I was in the pocket give our three leads it's Eddie Murphy

Owen Wilson and Famke Janssen Famke Janssen who you've worked with right? I worked with Jason too like my first movie I ever did we Emma and I ran into her

at an ice cream store about a month ago it was amazing she's so tall she's a tall girl and you're very tall you say that you're over six feet

well I think I am six feet maybe I'm six foot as is Famke Janssen is she taller than you? we're the same height six feet wow Gina Davis too

we're all we're all six feet we're all tall girls hanging out how's the air up there? You and Gina. It's wonderful. A little thin.

Famco was like my biggest movie crush for a very long time. She's awesome. First X-Man. She's an X-Man. She's Jean Grey. It was all about Jean Grey. But I spy? No.

Not a hit. The audiences decided not to spy. Betty Thomas who was kind of riding high. That sort of killed things. Betty Thomas, the director kind of riding high, that sort of killed things. Betty Thomas, the director of I Spy. Had done Dr. Dolittle, which was humongous. But what did she direct later? Alvin and the Chipmunks, the squeak club.

Oh, God. Can you tell me what she directed in between, though? It wasn't Serving Sarah, was it? No. But it's that kind of movie? Yeah. Reginald Hudlin directed Serving Sarah. Right.

Fuck. Right. Right, right, right. But it's two people. It's like that. It's a comedy that's just like. No, it's a teen comedy about someone. Oh, John Tucker Must Die?

Oh, boy. Must Die. Okay. Number four is a low-budget documentary comedy that had been number one the week before. Low-budget docu-comedy called Jackass the movie. Nice. Which is a terrific movie.

See, I saw all of these movies. This was like a big movie going time for me because I was like now allowed to see movies with my friends. I didn't need my fucking dad, the man to drag me

to the cineplex. Right. I could go see movies with Cody Lewis, Patrick Solomon. Shout him out. Dean Diaguardi.i great what a bunch of guys skylar reddick these are the most like stereotypical middle school yeah it sounds like you lived in a

teen novel it's like you know what i mean like you live in a jack teague yeah that's a good name that's a pirate name yeah oh yeah number five is a movie a horror movie i saw in theaters that i had a decent time with uh which is directed by and this is my detail that i love a man who's only made two movies and they both have the same word in the title he's only made two movies they both have the same word he's like a totally anonymous director i've never heard of him is this his first or second second it's a horror horror film. It's an original horror picture. It is. And they never made a sequel?

No. It didn't make that much money. Does it have a big star in it? No, it has a TV star in it who is kind of trying to make a leap to movies. And it has a set piece right at the beginning that is gruesome. Interesting. Boy, oh boy, is it gruesome. Like notably, like famous?

I don't know about famous because there's nothing about this movie that's that famous but if you were gonna remember something from this movie it's probably the opening scene which is gross tv star was like a teen tv star no grown-up tv star in fact we've mentioned the show on air today er it's an er actor is it uh juliana margulian correct really oh is it ghost ship ghost ship oh my god ghost ship directed by fuck i don't know you don't know steve beck who made 13 ghosts ghost ship i was hoping both of them had shit right a year apart from each other then he never makes a movie again what if he had directed shipwrecked that'd be great that would be good i think that would be a great move by him yeah ghost ship which stars gabriel burn uh-huh juliana uh

emily browning a young emily yeah yeah she's tiny girl yeah and the opening scene is some like metal cable it's like a there's a party on a ship old timey okay and then some cable gets loose and slices everyone in half but like in a way where they're all like standing there for a second and they all go like and like all and it's the only way you can do a half Z

can you tell me what the tagline for ghost ship was ship happens ghost ship happens oh boy here Emma do you want to read the tagline for me right up there that's why

that's why I wanted her to see it the tagline is sea evil with sea spelled like oh no no no no that's cool and funny

that's cool and funny that's a good one I laughed that's cool and funny no no no you just saw me you heard me laugh yes yes yes

I think that movie is fine and I love the poster too because the poster i remember seeing the poster like on the marquee being like wow it's a ship but what if the ship was also a skull if i had seen that poster before knowing what the movie was called i would assume it was called sea agreed sea evil is more prominent and larger on the poster than the title that's's true. It actually is a little, or it looks like it stars someone called Sea Evil. Right. Like, yeah, it's not the greatest poster. Maybe that contributes to its mediocre 30 million domestic growth.

I'm here to see Sea Evil. Yeah, right. Let's be fair. If the Fast and Furious franchise can star an actor named Vin Diesel, it's not that illogical to believe that a movie called Ghost Ship could star an actor named Sea Evil. But if Sea illogical to believe that a movie called ghost ship could star an actor named c but it's evil just sitting there and he's like just waiting for the phone to ring and then finally they're like go ship and he's like the movie for me oh i'm sorry we want you to be caterer not in the movie mr c evil um other movies in the top 10 My Big Fat Greek Wedding

in its 29th week has made 185 million dollars well it sounds like the end of its run that cannot make any more money

it's definitely not going to make another 65 million dollars what? that box office run will never make sense ever ever

ever ever it's so crazy Nia Vardalos recently followed me on Twitter. Oh, congratulations. Congrats.

Thanks. Sweet Home Alabama, also starring Mr. Josh Lucas, is making healthy money. So he's killing it this weekend. Just murdering it. He's number six in 53. What everybody wants. You want a real good spread. Sorry, seven in 53.

Punch Drunk Love, Paul Thomas Anderson's lovely movie. That movie has, I think, aged incredibly well. It's perfect. It's a perfect movie, but I think it's a movie

that's only gotten better with time. Yeah, for sure. So has this movie, Red Dragon. Has only gotten better. We all remember it. Take that back.

I'm joking. Brett Ratner was like, what if I made Manhunter? But, hear me out, didn't do that great a job. What if Manhunter wasn't directed by Michael Mann? What if Manhunter wasn't directed by Michael Mann? And I'm like, I don't know.

You're going to have to sell me on the guy who's going to do it instead. Wait a second. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. Brett Ratner. Do you know this story about Brett Ratner's parents had like a horrible custody battle? Oh no. And when he was like nine. This is like Brett Ratner's parents had like a horrible custody battle and when he was like nine this is like Brett Ratner's

Rosetta Stone are we not allowed to be mean to Brett Ratner anymore? his parents were not I believe his parents were not married and there was a horrible custody battle and also like I guess for child support and he went with his school class on a field

trip to court like that was a thing i don't know if you ever did that but like grew up in new york and be like we're gonna go to the courthouse and see how law works yeah and the case that was going on when they went the field trip was his mother and his father arguing over the bastard brett ratner no i did not know that how do you know that because i read a profile of brett ratner but that feels like he walks into that courtroom the bastard brett ratner and he walks out of that courtroom going like i gotta make everyone think i'm cool you know uh great he succeeded i guess yeah we all think you're cool now brett so do you remember when he did x-men 3 and he said it's like i'm wolverstein

did he actually know they called me wolverstein like I'm Wolverstein did he actually say that no they called me Wolverstein because I'm like the Jewish Wolverine I don't care for that he directed X-Men

the last time yeah he directed X-Men 3 oh no I remember that but I meant like the Wolverstein story he was the one we'll never know if either he

or Matthew Vaughn was the one who was like let's get the juggernaut bitch meme in there I would bet on it being Matthew Vaughn

Matthew Vaughn definitely cast Vinny Jones. He cast everyone in that movie. I think so, yeah. He quit very shortly before they started filming. Weird. And then did the same thing

with Thor. And then did the same thing with Days of Future Past. He did the same thing with Days of Future Past, yeah. He was supposed to direct Thor. Yeah, I don't think he quit. Before Marvel Studios

got the rights back. Right, I don't think he quit that late with Thor. Number 10 is is brown sugar which is a great movie yeah i saw that in theaters uh rick femi you uh i don't know how you say his name yeah good director uh who was gonna make the flash for a second there yeah uh of course i'm directing the flash now congratulations this week number 14 this is the last thing i want to mention okay ben is having a great time Attack of the Clones the IMAX experience

very nice a movie I definitely went to see I saw the IMAX cut which I've talked about is 20 minutes shorter and significantly better because they had to

fit it into the IMAX what did they cut? all the romance stuff oh got it yeah sure the testicle bugs are gone

Wade of Water doesn't stick around unfortunately does not what number was it 56 it was 53 and I just I want to repeat I think it's interesting comes out after K-19

so she's really fucking yeah cause K-19 was a summer movie K-19 our next episode was a summer movie this year so this is her boring water movie duology. Oh, boy. And then she chills out for a sec and

reboots and wins an Oscar. That's how you do it. Congrats, Catherine. But like, she makes Weight of Water, they bring it to festivals, it's met with a shrug, she's like, fuck. National Geographic offers her $100 million to make a submarine thriller with Harrison Ford. And it's like, great,ug she's like fuck National Geographic offers her a hundred million dollars to make a submarine thriller

with Harrison Ford and it's like great okay this is the way to get myself back on the map that movie comes out is a huge flop and then to add

insult to injury three months after that movie flops they finally release the previous movie and then that flops even harder so I mean

it's an amazing comeback story like the stage is set perfectly for her to fucking rewrite history which she does which she will bam bam bigelow just for inflation santa claus opened to 44 million dollars i remember being a star because i thought the movie was gonna flop i thought it was a it was another stakeout situation that they waited too long. Comedy fat suit. So we've run for two hours.

Ben Hosley looks like he wants to eat poison. So I'm going to cut it off right here. Thank you. Please edit that episode liberally. Yeah, if you want to slow it down. Yeah, exactly. Play the whole episode at half speed. Everyone listen at half speed.

Yeah, exactly. And the will to live is slowly seeping out of the host's eyes. We talked about the weight of water for like 30 minutes. Not a lot of time. Generously speaking, 30 minutes of the weight of water. We gave it some attention. We gave it some weight. Yeah, we're done.

We're done. That's the end of the episode. Thank you very much. No, no, no. Do we have a talk out? A talk out? A fade out, but we're talking. No, no, no. I mean, yeah, well, yeah, yeah, yeah. What were you going to say? Do we have a talk out? A talk out? Like a fade out, but we're talking. Oh, no, no. Like a goodbye.

No, no, no. We do a tight, we do a tight, like, fucking let's wrap it up kind of business thing. Cool. Karen, Emma, thank you so much for being on the show. Thank you for having us. People should follow you on Twitter. Yep.

Google your pieces. I get Twitter's probably a good way to be kept abreast of your work, right? Sure, yeah. For sure. Right, your podcast Karen's Boys is starting immediately after this. Yeah, just keep the podcast on and we'll segue right into it. Someone please help me. Free Emma.

I think that's a good idea for a podcast. Will you help us? that's a good idea for a podcast. Will you help us? That's where he was helping you. He's like, I think it's a good idea. I was encouraging. He'll help you with his vocal support.

Oh, what a pause. Look at the spikes. Alright, alright, alright. Everyone, back a pause. Look at the spikes. Alright, alright, alright. Everyone, back to zero. Griffin, Griffin, while you're laughing, I just found out some news and I want to do the as always. So just let me do it, okay? Oh, fuck. Okay, I had something planned, but you do it.

Do you have something good planned? Y'all hate it, so do what you're going to do. If you ask me, yes. If you ask you, no. Follow MNKaren on Twitter and Letterboxd and all your favorite social

media platforms please remember to rate, review, subscribe thanks to Jabon Patrick Reynolds for

our artwork Lane Montgomery for our theme song I turned my phone back on because I was trying to look up

the thing for the end as always but we're no longer doing that because I don't want to make David angry anymore

I have already made one of my friends angry. His name is Ben. He looks furious. Scarlet with rage. Angry about my existence. I'm very hungry, so please wrap this up. Thank to Ant Fregudo for our social media. And as always,

Paramount's Clifford the Big Red Dog movie project has a new leash on life, reports The Hollywood Reporter. Walt Becker, who directed Alvin and the Chipmunks the Road Chip, has come aboard to helm the feature, which is intended to be a live-action hybrid. So you're saying that he's going from old dogs to big dogs? He can barely contain himself. A big red dog. What if instead of them being old and human, they were big and red?

And what if the dog hit everyone in the nuts? I hope it does. So thank you and we're done. Thank you all back here. Delete this episode.