Blank Check with Griffin & David - Total Recall with Andrew Jupin and Stephen Sajdak

Episode Date: January 21, 2018

Joining Griffin and David this week is Andrew Jupin and Stephen Sajdak, 2 of the 4 co-hosts of the We Hate Movies podcast. Together they discuss 1990’s twisted sci-fi thriller, Total Recall. But how much creative control did Arnold have over this film? What is Michael Ironside actual first name? Are all the Johnny cabs designed so that if a passenger skips on the fare the robot driver’s head explodes? Their conversation includes peak practical effects, Robert Costanzo playing himself in the film and if the story that unfolds is in fact all just a dream.

hey i got five kids to podcast. Great. Perfect. Perfect, right? Yes. Absolutely perfect. That's it. End the episode. I was trying to find a divorce one, but then we would have had to record a whole episode, and now I found an easy out.

We don't even have to do it. Consider that a podcast. I don't know. Yeah. We can podcast for you wholesale. See you at the podcast, Richter, right? Give these people a podcast. Of course, this episode marks the return of fan favorite character, Yarnel.

Yarnel Schwarzenegger. Yarnel Schwarzenegger, Arnold's brother. Hello everybody, my name is Griffin Newman. Oh, I'm David Sims. This is a podcast called Blank Check with Griffin and David. We are hashtag the two friends. It's a competitive advantage. No other podcast has that going for it.

Sorry about it, guys. Sorry about it. Sorry about it. Our show is four friends. I know. That's why I about it. Sorry about it. Our show is for friends. I know. That's why I'm saying. We got two. We got two of you today.

And I know the two of you are friends and podcasters. We are. But I just don't want you creeping in our territory. Consider us not creepy. Thank God. Thank God.

In this climate. Oh, boy. Hard to find men who aren't. I love dating our podcast. Yeah, right? Yeah. The day we're recording this is the day that Charlie Rose has been outed. This episode's coming out June of

2020, I think. We're banking up. It's coming out after Justice League 3. Yes. Which is the one that's retooled around Booster Gold. Right. I don't know. Come on. Yes.

Yes. This is a podcast about filmographies. Right. Yes. I don't know. Come on. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. This is a podcast about filmographies. Directors who have massive success early on in their career and are given a series of blank checks to make whatever crazy passion projects they want.

Sometimes those checks clear and sometimes they bounce, baby. Is that Arnold? That's Arnold. Not Arnold. So you can't criticize me for not being a good impression because it's not an impression. It's a different character. It's Arnold. It's Yarnel, not Arnold. So you can't criticize me for not being a good impression because it's not an impression. It's a different character. It's Yarnel. Sure.

This is a miniseries on the films of Paul Verhoeven in Hollywood. Yeah. And it's called Pod Ship Casters. That's what we called it. That is what we called it. That's what you called it. That's what I called it. I just didn't object.

I pulled rank. I didn't open it up to the listeners. Nope. I made the decision. Yep. And today we're talking about... This is definitely... His most successful film, I think.

Really? I don't know. In terms of pure numbers? Yeah. Let me look it up. Basic Instinct did really well. Good. But...

Just above Basic Instinct. 119 to 117. Okay. So good for it. A very, a very large budgeted film and a very successful film called Total Recall.

Mm-hmm. And as, It's about Dennis Quaid going to Mars. It's about Dennis Quaid going to Mars. Yes. Yeah.

Right. He never got to make the sequel with Randy. Total Recall with Dennis Quaid story. Yeah. Right. This was originally called

National Lampoon's Mars Vacation. Randy called him. He's like, the star fuckers are out there. You have to get your ass to Mars. He was on that like 30 years ago. Right.

He just kept it real tight for a while. He settled for Canada. He locked that away. He thought Mars travel was going to present itself by now. Well, our guests have done an incredible job so far because they've talked before we introduced them, which is what we like at a guest. That's what we want. That is what we want.

And if they don't do it, we usually try to prompt them a little bit. But they are podcast hosts themselves. We are. We host We Hate Movies, which is a podcast about crummy movies where we have a little bit of fun with it. It's crummy movies, but you have fun with it. Yes. Right. Which this show,

we're deathly serious. Absolutely. And we've never covered a bad movie ever. It's crummy movies, but you have fun with it. Yes. Right. Which this show, we're deathly serious. Yeah, absolutely. Yes. And we've never covered a bad movie ever. Right. But this is a movie that you guys, I was asking you sort of the criteria of how you decide what. Because one man's trash is another man's treasure. Of course.

One woman's trash is also another woman's treasure. Absolutely. And, you know, non-gender binary trash can belong to anybody and be repurposed as treasure. Do you need help getting out of this bed? Yes, 100%. Dogs watch garbage, too. Dogs watch garbage. And those cats can then deem that garbage to be treasure.

Exactly. Pirates. All right, all right. Search for treasure. I had a hard out. Sometimes they're digging and they find garbage instead. It can go the other way. Sure, sure.

I'm saying I don't even see the walls here. You know what I'm saying? I'm thinking outside the bun. This is what he's always like. All the time. This isn't me struggling. It's always good when I have other podcasters on. It's me on cruising altitude.

But some people, I think, incorrectly go like, oh, that movie is so corny. It's corny as fuck. It's so funny. This is legit a good movie. I think this incorrectly go like, oh, that movie is so corny. It's corny as fuck. It's so funny. Yeah. This is legit a good movie. I think this is legitimately a good movie. It is a little corny, but it's good.

It's a little corny because it's a Paul Verhoeven-signed fiction film. That's an Arnie movie from like- And it's Arnold right in 1990. Arnie at the apex. Oh, this is prime cut Arnold. Everyone knows exactly what they're doing in this. And Verhoeven's a guy, in this movie, he really kind of figures out how to frame Arnold. I agree.

It's a perfectly pitched Arnold. He understands exactly what's funny about him. Because this is, has he done Twins at this point? Yeah, this is after Twins. This is an 80s movie through and through. So he's done, he's gotten a comedy out of the system. Right. Yeah, which he was obsessed with doing.

He wanted to do a comedy. He does his Ivan Reitman comedy trilogy. This is probably the last brutal Arnold movie, right? Because this is after Cobra,

not Cobra, I'm sorry, after Commando, after Predator, obviously. Predator is 87. True Lies gets kind of violent, though.

Yeah, it does. I mean, also, you kind of got those weird late 90s like end of days like where he's sort of like oh we covered that one trying to go hard r again right collateral damage eraser yeah collateral damage i've never seen collateral damage was

the 9-11 one right that was the one where he plays a firefighter and had to get pushed right and he kills someone with a pipe i I believe. I don't remember. Cliff Curtis is the bad guy. Good for Cliff. Someone's like, oh, your family, because his family's

like killed in some sort of attack, similar-ish to 9-11. I'm sorry, Andrew Dupin and Stephen Sadek. I just realized we never introduced

you guys. From We Hate Movies. Yes. We're thrilled to have you on. Thank you very much. Thrilled to be here. And we're going to talk about Total Recall. Total Recall. We're doing it. We're thrilled to have you on. Thank you very much. Thrilled to be here. And we're going to talk about Total Recall.

Total Recall. We're doing it. We're talking. We're talking. Jumping straight into it. You're right. I mean, you just said like a brutal Arnie,

but like this is about as brutal as Arnie gets. As Verhoeven. Anything can get. Yeah. This movie, I mean, it's just,

I've thrown out this quote already in a couple of Verhoeven films we've already covered. Right. That he always claims he doesn't understand why people think his violence is so over the top. He goes like, I'm the only one who's showing violent prejudice. There he is. And you watch this movie and A, no blood has ever looked like the blood in Total Recall. Sure.

It literally looks like strawberry syrup, right? Oh, yeah. It's thick. It's like goopy. I love it. It's bright red. It comes out in arcs. It's flinging blood, man.

I think that he's got- It's like Splatoon or something. Yeah. It's like artisanal squibs that he's using. Yes. Dutch squibs that his brother made. They don't look like American squibs. No, it's like 100 bucks a squib.

Yeah, it's so expensive. He's like a hundred bucks a squib. He's like the Pollock of fake blood. He's really like, and the arcs of where the blood goes, how it moves, the speed it moves at, but then also just the moment, I mean, it hits a crescendo. The arm of the chair. The arm of the chair with the screw.

And then he just puts it in the guy's face for a second. It's like a reprisal. It's like an encore of the the screw. And then he just puts the in the guy's face for a second, which is essentially a hot second. It's like a reprisal. It's like an encore of the current botiker. Yeah.

Information spike. Final move. But that's like the denouement of the movie. And in this, it's like that's a random grunt. It's like scientist four.

It's one of seven kills in that minute. It's ridiculous, though, because it gets to the point of like almost superpower like there's no way just arnold can do that to a guy that's like jason vorhees shit right like that that screw arm of the chair whatever it is goes like through this dude's

skull like right from the bottom of the chin and it's not even sharp it's it's it's it's a it's basically one of those long Ikea things. It's like integral to the chair. You know, you put it at the end. It's like, how is this even going to fit? But it fits. It's like a little greasy. Even though it just came out of the box.

Those things also, they're kind of tricky because you look at the design, you look at the instructions, and you're like, I don't think I need to put this on. And then you don't. And you're like, I'm not sitting on this chair right. Arnold is making people into Malin in this movie like I swear to God yes

well that's that's the interesting thing about this movie too is I feel like out of the the American English language studio system

Verhoeven movies this is weirdly the most sincere like every other Verhoeven movie is kind of eating its own tail

and commenting on the tropes of the genre and all of that deconstructing it but this does that by the design of the movie because when you get to this point of like there's no way this guy could kill people in that way that's the central question this movie keeps on coming back

to that he's having fun with which is like is it a dream? is the movie like this because it dream? right is it the movie like this because it's a Paul Verhoeven movie Paul Verhoeven is just

gold member right yeah it's gold member is this movie like this because it's a Paul Verhoeven movie or is this movie

like this because it's about a guy who thinks he's in a Paul Verhoeven movie which is interesting though because that's one of the reasons I think they said Dan O'Bannon

who was one of the writers on this hated this because he excised all of his satire in favor of Arnold's violence and smashing things. Because he didn't think that Arnold could do the stuff that the original script was calling for. Yeah, because it's definitely, it's a lot less verbally satirical than RoboCop. Yeah. Which is more overtly comedic

and deliberately so I mean you know who the original star was attached to the Dan O'Bannon Ronald Shusset Richard Dreyfuss Richard Dreyfuss

that sort of makes sense that's a different movie that's the whole idea and this was why when they announced that they were doing the Total Recall remake I was like

all for it as long as you cast Paul Giamatti I was like there's room to remake this movie, but cast a schlub. They could have cast Colin Farrell from The Lobster. That would have worked. He's kind of fat.

Or The Bosses. But that's the problem. In the story, it's like a real everyman, as far away from action heroes you can get who gets thrust into this. And Verhoeven went the complete opposite direction, which is like cast the most obvious action star and have that lead into the question. Well, is it a ruse that this guy ever was presenting himself as a construction worker? Because clearly he's the star of an action movie.

Right. He looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger, or is that the wish fulfillment element of it? So there was like a way to make a more literal adaptation of the original story, but then it's just a fucking Len Wiseman movie. Yeah. With Colin Farrell looking great.

I mean, getting Len Wiseman on board was probably mistake number one. No offense to Lenny, but you know. God, now I'm just picturing Paul Giamatti in Total Recall. Right? Wouldn't it be good? Get these people air, Cohegan. God damn it, Cohegan. Good Giamatti.

Great Giamatti. I would love that though. Yeah. Oh, fuck. Yes, that would be great but like I could give you a list of 20 people who would have been

interesting in a Total Recall remake and even from like a serious end you go like what if it was like Paul Dano at that point you know

what if it's like a serious like it's Paul Dano and he works in an office and he's bored rather than he's like a blue collar guy but it's the same

basic take or undeclared Charlie Hunnam versus King Arthur Charlie Hunnam exactly you can surprise us it can be like a she's all that where he takes off the glasses It's the same basic take. Or undeclared Charlie Hunnam versus King Arthur Charlie Hunnam. Exactly. You can surprise us.

It can be like a she's all that where he takes off the glasses. Oh my God, this guy. So yeah, originally it was a Dreyfus picture and it was more of a satire. But this is the problem. You give Arnold Schwarzenegger hopes and desires and that's not something, you know what I mean? Like his hopes and desires should be either meeting out justice or whatever his robotic brain tells him to do like that's kind of

yes i agree or finding danny devito because he loves him best at playing a robot yes i mean obviously and he's never been able to read on screen as a real long-term thinker you know like like arnold schwarzenegger is always very immediate objective based I do I love Arnold on the video screen in this movie you know

I do love spy Arnold I wanna meet that Arnold in this movie hey how you doing buddy you know like he's he's 90% of the way

to being like a real person in those I think that's closer to really him it's like we're gonna go fuck at Ronnie Cox's house you know what I mean

like that's what Arnold wants to do It's like, we're going to go fuck at Ronnie Cox's house. You know what I mean? That's what Arnold wants to do. Ronnie Cox threw some parties in the 80s. It must have been a nightmare in this movie. Also, it doesn't make any sense, though, that he's unhappy in this situation. No. One, he looks like fucking Arnold Schwarzenegger, and he's married to Sharon Stone. And did you see that apartment?

What are we talking about? That is my biggest problem with the whole movie is that he's married to Sharon Stone. What drudgery is he escaping through? He's got a wonderful wife. You know? Jesus. That's how you set it up. No, but that's the thing. Sharon Stone is just mind-blowingly attractive in this movie.

It's insane. It's peak. It's like the peak. She looks wonderful wonderful she's also really good she's very good i love her yeah and this is the star making i love the turn of the dime stuff she does yeah this was her breakthrough that leads to her getting cast in basic instinct which makes her a massive movie star i mean she'd been in um something hadn't she like no now i want to look at her filmography what'd she been hey police academy for citizens on patrol i'm sorry that was her breakthrough.

Correct. Was she a romantic bobcat in that one? No, I think that was David Spade. Oh, nice. David Spade romance bobcat? You know,

apart from that, not much. She was in King Solomon's Mines. Yeah. Oh. Sure. That was one of the

Indiana Jones try-hards. Was it Richard Chamberlain in that movie? Yes, that's right. And she was in the sequel, Alan Quartermain and the Lost City of Gold. I have not seen those's right and she was in the sequel Alan Quartermain in the Lost City of Gold

I have not seen those movies and she was in something called Cold Steel alright anyway I'm done

so yeah so this is a movie Dan O'Bannon and Ron Shusett you know the alien guys they get the rights from the living man

Philip K. Dick he was still alive at one point in time this was before he was dreaming of electric sheep. Exactly. We can remember for you Wholesale, and they write this script. There's a documentary, I remember,

outlining the entire development process from the old DVD. I don't know if it's on the Blu-ray still, but the two of them talk extensively about the fact that they read the story, and Philip K. Dick was starting to get adapted more and they were like, this would be a great one. And it was literally like two dudes who bought the rights for

like $15,000. Yeah, they went over to Philip K. Dick and they were like, hey, wow. It was still kind of like a homespun kind of scene where you could find a good short story and put together some money from uncles. And they made Total Recall t-shirts and they just spent like eight years

trying to get people to make this movie. These poor guys. Yeah. So Dino De Laurentiis gets involved which is often a bad sentence.

You don't want Dino to get involved maybe. He's the epitome of borrowing from Peter to pay Paul. He's just exactly three steps behind financially all of the time.

Yes of course I'll produce your movie. Yes come right this way. My niece needs to be in it. You know, it's always like, you know, here, meet Samantha De Laurentiis. Yeah, she's gonna be...

So, Richard Dreyfuss is attacked. He was fully attacked. It's bonkers. And then he drops out, whatever. He wins an Oscar. What is the timeline here? Because there's one... This is like the early 80s

we're talking about. Because there's a bit of info that I know about them writing this movie that's like a cinema blessing. They're writing it and they were like, this is going to be really crazy with all the effects and the sets and everything. And they didn't think that movie production was capable of it at the time. So they stopped for a bit. And in the meanwhile, they wrote Alien.

That actually makes sense. That's right. What luck. and in the meanwhile they wrote Alien so like that actually that makes sense that's right what luck you know I mean it's crazy when you hear those things but Alien was like

a world without Alien to get themselves out of like writer's block or like limitations at the time yeah that's crazy because he worked they also worked on

Dark Star Dan O'Bannon at least you know they were like sci-fi guys so they were pushing the bleeding edge so the Dreyfuss thing must have been early right because if it's right after he wins his Oscar he wins early 80 At least they were like sci-fi guys. They were pushing the bleeding edge.

So the Dreyfuss thing must have been early, right? Because if it's right after he wins his Oscar, he wins early 80s. He wins for The Good Boy Girl, which is 87. Right, yeah. He looks like he's 52 in The Good Boy Girl. He was actually like 28 or something. Yeah, he was the youngest Best Actor winner until Adrian Brody. He's got a great beard

he looks older than Roy Scheider in Jaws he really does he actually does Roy Scheider looks like an old football in that movie

so I mean you know you really that's Griffin's sweet spot old football alright at one point the movie's gonna be

made Bruce Beresford the great tender mercies yeah driving Miss Daisy yeah he's gonna make it At one point, the movie's going to be made. Bruce Beresford. The great Bruce. Tender Mercies. Yeah, driving Miss Daisy. Yeah. He's going to make it with Patrick Swayze, maybe.

Okay. Who I can see. I can see Swayze doing it. And he's kind of the bridge between Dreyfuss and Schwarzenegger. Right. He's sort of the midpoint in that evolutionary chart. Yes, that's accurate. The man is starting to gain some posture. The abs are taking shape is the idea. He's losing hair, definitely's accurate. The man is starting to gain some posture. The abs are

taking shape is the idea. He's losing hair definitely. Body hair. But eventually Cronenberg gets attached. Right. And he's the one who comes up with Quatto. That checks out. Which is the least surprising news in the world.

What if there was a weird little old man baby inside someone's chest? It's the best part of the movie uh ben loves quato producer ben loves quato perdue or ben loves quato he's gonna do all the end user loves quato i do you also love gummo what about waddle no i don't like waddle guano guano guano though yeah okay producer ben likes to get blotto that's right that's true fine. He's drunk right now. He is a fuckmaster. I don't know if you guys know that. I had no idea.

He's also our finest film critic. He's a poet laureate. He's a tiebreaker. He's a dirt bike Benny. He's a birthday Benny. He's not Professor Crispy. And this is a rumor that circulates, and I just have to bat it down. It's not true.

It's not true. And I'm not. You know, we've done like 130 episodes. You've batted it down. I don't know. It keeps on bubbling up. All right, fine, fine. It's not true. And I'm not. You know, we've done like 130 episodes. You've batted it down. I don't know. It keeps on bubbling up. All right, fine, fine. Carry on, please. There's no truth to this rumor.

He's graduated certain titles over the course of different miniseries, such as Kylo Ben, producer Ben Kenobi, Ben Aichamalan, Ben Sait, Say Benny Thing, Ailey Benz with a dollar sign, Warhaz, Purdue Urbane, and Ben 19, the Fennel Maker. That's right. I wonder what your Verhoeven name will be Ben 19, the Fennel Maker. That's right. I wonder what your Verhoeven name will be. Oh, we'll get to it.

Oh, I'm here as well. I'm excited to discuss the little man baby, stomach baby man. You fuck with Cuado. Oh, for sure. Definitely. So Cronenberg

works on this movie. He claims he did 12 drafts of it. Okay. And then finally, the studio said, this is the Philip K. Dick story. And he was like was like yeah isn't that what we were doing and they were like no we want like indiana jones goes to mars and he was like you know what i don't know that

we're gonna make this movie so he drops out yeah dune comes out and dilorentis that flops and dilorentis is like fuck it i'm not making some weird mars movie like no it's not gonna happen so then schwarzenegger swoops in he comes in first and persuades carolco to buy the rights for three million dollars and he says i'll take a 10 million dollar salary which is low for him wow yeah and yeah and i have veto power over everything director producer screenwriter like everything this was really his first big blank check so he picks Verhoeven

because he liked Robocop when can you start exactly yeah and Gary Goldman who's the guy who wrote Big Trouble in Little China he comes in

he writes the final screenplay so he's credited too and Verhoeven they gave you the whole story there you go they shot it in Mexico City the whole thing that's shot it in Mexico City. That's cool. Crazy budget.

Like $60 million, something like that, which is a lot for 1990, man. 1989, making it? Yeah, totally. It's beautiful looking. Every shot has something interesting in it that you can chew on for a while. Good this movie still looks. It looks awesome. This movie looks so good. Very vaporwave. It is very vaporwave. I just want to put that out there. It's very vaporwave. It is very vaporwave.

Just want to put that out there. It's got a great score. It's got a great Jerry Goldsmith score, which I love. He said this was like one of his favorites. Yeah? It's really good. Which is crazy. You motherfucker.

Don't get angry at him. He's dead, right? Oh, he's long dead. He died pretty recently? Long dead? Well, I mean, if you give me like over a year, you're long dead. Yeah. He's long dead.

You're right. He died a while ago. year, you're long dead. He's long dead. You're right. He died a while ago. Della Reese, long dead. You're really hitting the day so that people can figure it out. I'm trying to do the news of the day so people can figure it out. Jerry Goldsmith died 13 years ago. Yeah, that's long dead. Can I call what I think his last movie was?

Oh, shit. Well, let me find. Go ahead. Do you have it pulled up? You're going to guess right now? You're not going to give me a second? All right, go ahead. Do you have it pulled up? You're going to guess right now. I'm not going to give me a second. Alright, go ahead. I think it's Looney Tunes back in action.

You are correct. However, little side note. Star Trek Nemesis. His Star Trek Nemesis score is the year before. So Looney Tunes is 03. He had a score for Timeline. Timeline, the Richard Donner movie, which you guys

certainly could tell we got in trouble for making fun of Paul Walker once right before he died we made the jokes and then he died oh do not worry about Paul Walker he's doing just fine and then he did not do just fine it was like a year and a half before the death

we'll have people like last week like uh guys you know what didn't play that Paul Walker joke and I was like a year and a half before the death. Sure. But then, you know, we'll have people like last week, like, uh, guys, you know what didn't play? Right. That Paul Walker joke. And I was like, you know, this show's been on the air for a better part of a decade. Boy, oh boy. That's the weird thing.

Anyway, he wrote a score for a timeline that was rejected. You do not reject Jerry Goldsmith. What the fuck? Yeah. And Brian Tyler did the final score. Now, no shade to Brian Tyler, but come on. Jeez. Someone's a legend in that sentence. Someone is. Yeah. And Brian Tyler did the final score. No shade to Brian Tyler, but come on. Someone's a legend in that sentence.

Someone is. I think Brian Tyler is your guy where you're like, Jerry Goldsmith just sent a bunch of chords. Brian, we got a week. Timeline's about time travel. He's like, sure, I'll whip something up. He just sent me a package copy of the Gremlins soundtrack when he crossed out Gremlins and wrote Timeline. Oh no,

it's a dinosaur. Roar. Wow, that was impressive. Do you know he quotes his own Gremlins theme in Looney Tunes Back in Action?

No, you clearly know the Looney Tunes score inside and out. It's a good score. Sure. But there's a moment in the film where theyunes score inside and out. It's a good score. Sure. But there's a moment in the film

where they're trying to pick which car to take. I see. And I think Bugs is taking the good car. Right. And Daffy and Brennan Fraser

are left taking a Gremlin. What a trio. They gotta take a Gremlin and they're like, I'm left with this car and then the score plays. Wow, I bet that really played for eight people.

I went to a midnight screening of Looney Tunes back in action. Back when it was like for real midnight? left with this car, and then the score plays. Wow, I bet that really played for eight people. I went to a midnight screening of Looney Tunes back in action. Back when it was for real midnight? There were no 7pm screenings. I saw a 12am screening of Looney Tunes back in action on a Friday night. What age was that movie for? What was the right age for that movie?

I think that was the question. I'm going to tell you. It was the age of the person who saw it at midnight. 14-year-old Griffin Newman. That sounds about right. It must have been pretty cool putting your feet up on the seat in front of you in the empty theater. What was the crowd like? Do you remember? Me, my two friends, Oliver and Louis.

I remember a couple being there who made out through most of the movie. Checks out. All right. Checks out. They had fun. Yeah. I think that might have been it. Did you like it?

Did you walk out and you were like, stars yeah sure yeah it's a fucking masterpiece total recall total recall so they make total he picks because i guess he tested for ro and he wouldn't test for robocop but they wanted him he was considered for robocop and he was like too big like essentially so they were like all right but he he liked Robocop he says Paul make this movie and Paul's like I'll make it it's gonna be violent sounds great

they gave me so much money my brother has squibs from other movies and this feels like Verhoeven really like testing out a lot of new special effects technology you know

this movie is a real sandbox for him these special effects are incredible insane there's so many corners every five minutes this movie turns a corner sandbox for him there's so many corners every five minutes this movie turns a corner and you see something visually like whoa holy shit

and also the plot goes whoa holy shit and you're just like okay and you kind of keep going on this crazy ride by the end of it like is it a dream is it or not it's just like I don't know how I got here you gotta roll with this movie man this is not a movie where you put your foot down and you're like this is what this movie is like at the beginning

cause by the end of it nah this movie is like at the beginning. No. Because by the end of it, no. This movie chocks. And it's weird because I own it. I owned it on DVD before I upgraded to Blu-ray. Nice. But I was a great transfer, a gentleman's transfer. Looks good.

But I was re-watching it and I was like, oh, I don't think I've watched this in full in like 15 years, but I feel like I crack out the disc like two or three times a year just to watch certain scenes because I am so in love with the aesthetics of this movie. Yeah, I honestly once or twice a year put in the disc just to re-watch

the exploding head gag. It's awesome. Because it is, I think this is my favorite practical effects movie ever. I love animatronics and this is like peak animatronics. Right, well it's because it's kind of the end of animatronics so they really got a lot. They perfected the art before they start like kicking

it out. Right, right, right. That and like model building for exteriors, which was like the last time they did this in who knows how many years I'm sure they've done it since then

but for a long stretch it was like not on our computers and like matte paintings the alien artifact the weird column things and even the CG

like the what do you call it the x-ray scene which was like one of the biggest CG scenes at the time it was like

this is the breakthrough in CGI I think I read some article about that where they were like, that took forever. Yeah, it took like a year for that. It's kind of useless, too. It's not like Jar Jar Binks walking around. It's literally like, we just want to add something to the shot where it's kind of cool how we find out he has a gun.

Right. But it also still looks good because the thing that Verhoeven gets, and I think it's a sign of good filmmakers, because the thing that Verhoeven gets, and I think it's a sign of good filmmakers, is the movies that age the best are the ones where they don't try to be literal-minded or awesome in depicting the future. They take a strong stylistic stance. I also just love the future.

We don't start with, like, it is 2084. No. Like, blah-de-blah-de-blah. No, he's just like, I always wanted to go to Mars. And she's like, Mars? And you're just like, right. I guess people go to Mars here. Great. You, bloody, bloody, bloody. No, he's just like, I always wanted to go to Mars and she's like, Mars? And you're just like, right, I guess people go to Mars here, great. You start the movie on Mars!

The opening shots are on Mars! They one-up that with her line, though, because she's like, Mars, pfft, why don't we go on that Saturn cruise? And I was like, fucking Saturn cruise! Everyone talks about this Saturn cruise. I'm like, can we have a Saturn sequel? Yeah, totally. Because the recall guy, too, is like, you really want to do Saturn. Yeah, it's upselling Saturn. What the recall guy, too, is like, you really want to do Saturn. Saturn is the bomb.

Yeah, it's upselling Saturn. What's weird, because I was trying to, while watching it, I kept on going, what is Mars analogous to in our culture? Is it kind of like Long Island, where you have the Hamptons and it's really ritzy, but also a lot of it's Long Island? Sure. Because it's got real highs and lows. There's a real elite kind of come to Mars, rarefied air. It's that dialed up, right?

Where it's like, right, you can live on another planet in the absolute lap of luxury, but there are these mutants. So you're going to have to look at them. I will say this movie doesn't give you enough. I mean, there's so much in this movie anyway, but I do want to see fancy Mars.

We never see fancy Mars. We don't see a lot of fancy Mars. You see the Hilton a lot. Yeah, you do. Which is a nice looking Hilton. Sure. In and around the Hilton. Right. But the Mars shit doesn't make any sense because it's basically a big room.

There's a tunnel and cars drive through the people. There's no streets. The cabs just kind of weave around. But that's what's kind of charming about it. It's kind of cute. It's not perfect. It's still shitty. Yes. Which I feel like in reality is what would happen when we eventually start colonizing Mars.

It's like, well, it's only 2084. It's still kind of shitty. We built like three neighborhoods. Yeah, exactly. One of them is really bad. Don't go there. Two or three are bad. And the cars should just kind of figure it out. I don't go there and the corners should just kind of figure it out

I don't know but I feel like if we ever got to see Cohagen's party that's where like the coke fucking is I mean it was just

Ronnie Cox's party we're really besmirching Ronnie Cox's name maybe he was a nice man I just realized this movie is kind of critic proof and criticism proof

because you go like well the Mars stuff doesn't really make sense it's like yeah but is that the point? It's all a dream. Oh, it's poorly written by the recall people.

Not us. Yeah. So this movie starts on Mars. Straight up starts with a beautiful dream of Mars. Ford Vista of Mars. And these cool space suits

and and then Arnold Schwarzenegger sure who I will never we love him I will never not be shocked by the first

close-up of Arnold Schwarzenegger in an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie it doesn't matter how many times you've seen it yeah you're like look at that guy yeah you're just like

that's a fucking mountain that's a big man even just his head is like carved like it's it's the architecture of him is so bizarre. We're post-twins. This is the same year as Kindergarten Cop. He's fully in Comedy Zone.

Very much so. Red Heat is the same year as Twins, which is also kind of a funny movie. He's hanging with the Beluche. Well put. Then, of course, next year is Terminator 2. Wow. Yeah.

And this movie was a huge hit and Kindergarten Cops is a pretty big hit so it's sort of like you know this is he is he's at his peak. And annoyingly

there is comedy in Terminator 2. There is. You don't like the comedy in Terminator 2? Not especially. It's my favorite comedy of all time.

I love that movie but man when they're like telling jokes I need the vacation. No you don't. You're a robot. That's dumb. Why do you know what a vacation is?

You need it. That's true. The vacation line. They could have cut that. That's fine. My thing is with this, the first thing in this movie, you do, you wake up, you wake up next to Sharon Stone. I mean, you're an Adonis, you're Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Right. And you say that you were dreaming about somebody else. And she's just like kind of more okay with it than not but still pissed off well doesn't doesn't he say like

I had the dream again and she goes like the brunette was the brunette there like they've talked several times they seem to have a nice you know

relationship with a lot of communication yeah that's the thing it's like what the fuck is this guy complaining about he opens up to her about Dream About Other Women

and she's cool with him and wants the updates on the narrative. He stands next to Robert Costanzo and just sort of like goes like this with a jackhammer for all day.

I don't know. And for how heightened and stylized and over the top this movie is, there is no moment more extreme than Arnold Schwarzenegger

with the jackhammer. It's intense. It is. It is insane. Verhoeven has never come up with a more subversive image in his entire career than just a glistening he looks more inhuman than tony at that point like it's just like what are you talking about he looks i also just love that he's like jack hammering he's like hey harry you're gonna recall and he's like why is this construction

zone everyone's flat no one can hear each. Why would they be talking right now? Hey, you heard of that recall? And he acts like he's just one of the boys that he looks the same as Harry. Robert Costanzo, who is a perfect sphere covered in hair. I love Robert Costanzo. I just love looking at him.

He's an egg you rolled along the floor of a barbershop. Yes. Perfect. But then you just have Arnold there, Jack Cameron, going like, ah, the old nine-to-five grind. I would love it if he, like, jumped on top of a brontosaur. Look, it's very

Flintstones. What are they drilling? It's just a hole. It's just a giant hole yes oh boy anyway he's just got he's got kind of a malaise he's not even like depressed his life isn't bad he's just in like a midlife crisis this is why the gmr is really you're selling me just like this yeah that's the noise right yeah. Yeah. So, and he, on the subway, which is full of CRT TVs, he sees an ad for Recall, which is a great, I love, it's a classic Philip K. Dick idea. Like, who wants to actually go to Mars? But you can think it went to Mars.

It'll be great. And that's, I mean, that's a thing Verhoeven really nailed in this movie, which he nailed in Robocop, but he has a bigger budget to do it here. Like the ad. in this movie, which he nailed in Robocop but he has a bigger budget to do it here. Like the ad? Just the omnipresence of screens and how personalized

and sort of conversational everything is. The ads, the newscasters, there's that great design of the TV in his kitchen, dining room wall that then turns into the windows.

I also like the phones. The weird little phones with the like the thing you push. Oh yeah. It's a little like slap. You just sort of like hold up. Well that was still like when people in this time were like you know in the future we're going to love video conferencing.

Right. Yeah. Yeah. FaceTime is fucking miserable. It's a miserable experience. After listening at home David's going to be our favorite thing to do. FaceTime is fucking miserable. It's a miserable experience. After listening at home, David's pretending to do FaceTime. We also have people walking in the street like this. I'm like, are you fucking crazy, man?

I can't stand it. It's insane. I can't stand it. That is, that's nuts. Anyway, people do crazy things. It's like taking a picture with your iPad.

That's the other thing. You know, people who are like, oh yeah, you'll get that. My phone broke when I was at Disney World. Oh, congratulations. I was, yeah, you'll get that. My phone broke when I was at Disney World. Oh, congratulations.

I was... Hey, I'll admit it's a humble brag, but my phone broke. How did it break? It just, like, died? I was doing the iOS update the day before I got on the plane, and then it wouldn't finish. Oh.

And it was stuck on the load screen, and when it would run out of battery reset, it would do the same thing, and it would never finish the iOS update. Oh, my God. So it was, like the load screen, and when it would run out of battery reset, it would do the same thing, and it would never finish the iOS update. Oh, my God. So it was like a total brick. And it took me four days to get an appointment at the Apple store in Orlando. So for four days, like, I was going there to talk about it for the podcast to do an Avatar Land episode.

So I wanted to get pictures and shit, and I was the doofus walking around Avatar Land with a full iPad taking photos online. Wow. I had no idea. And everyone kept on giving me looks. Because we haven't recorded that episode yet. No. People heard it months ago. Yes, they did.

You're in like a larger than life space. You need a larger than life device to take pictures of it. I mean, look, it's the floating mountains of Pandora. People are astonished by me with an iPad. You went high. When you use an iPad, do you have to drape yourself on a cloak? You're like a

Deadwood photographer. That's the only way you can do it. All still will be done in two minutes. Me and Monty Montgomery walking around. Monty Montgomery, good shout out. Thank you. Total Recall. So you. Total Recall. So he goes to Recall.

Oh, yeah. Oh, no, but I was just going to say, this movie, very early on, sets up the sort of, like, it's a friendly

screen culture. And it's also a very consumerist culture. But the advertising, everyone's, like, fine with all the advertising. They're fine with

all the products around. The brands seem really friendly. Like, everyone's accepted, like, but it's so nice. Like, I'm fine with all the advertising. They're fine with all the products around. The brands seem really friendly. Like everyone's accepted like, but it's so nice. Like I'm fine with all of this. It's a nicer future sci-fi world than what RoboCop sets up.

Yes. Right. But it also pushes it even further though, like where capitalism is literally selling you your air. Which is a great idea. Yeah. It's an awesome idea. Right.

And selling you your reality. Yeah. That's right. They can now just sell you a better life so you can be content living your shitty life being married to Sharon Stone

being a perfect looking man with a great apartment. Yeah. Yeah. I love the whole thing where he's excavating a tomb on the

or whatever the hell you do. I think it's some sort of mummy excavation. They just don't talk about it but that's what's going on. That was left out

from earlier drafts. You get to be best friends with Robert Costanzo, which is cool. His life is perfect. Yes. It's pretty perfect. Yes.

Robert Costanzo is the Sharon Stone of best friends. No question. Sorry. I should have said that faster. Anyway, carry on. So he sees this ad

and he's on the hook. Goes to recall. Right, goes to recall. And immediately is like, look, I'm all about Mars. I keep on having this Mars dream. I love brunettes. I love that guy. Who is he? That guy's funny.

The recall salesman. He's good. He's on point. I think that's John Cho in the sequel. But like a bleach blonde John Cho. That's cool. Yeah. It's rad. I think the kids like that. I watched the first like 15 minutes

of that movie and fell asleep it just looks so boring I own it on DVD because it was a trivia prize I've never watched oh yeah that's I feel

what happens with 90% of trivia prizes they go unused I haven't watched the Lorax either it's just sitting there we became good friends

through doing trivia this trivia night that we go to together, Videology and Brooklyn. Oh, yeah, of course. And for a long time, the prize was you could pick a DVD from the shelf. And the DVDs that were offered as prizes.

It was the ones they wanted to get rid of. Sure. Maybe they had too many copies. Old new releases. Yes. Right. So things that were new releases four to six months ago when they needed six copies of it, but now they only need two.

Well, you can never have enough copies of the Lorax film. That's what it was, though. It's an eye-grabbing cover. It's all orange, big mustache. We were very good at trivia, and we'd win a lot. At a certain point, the bit would be like, are we just going to start collecting

multiple copies of the same movie? Because I think someone on our team got like five copies of Dark of the Moon. Oh yeah, sure. They had a lot of Dark of the Moon. They had a lot of that. Alright. This is Arnold's favorite scene in the movie, by the way. That's what he said, was this scene

with him and whoever. The jackhammer? No, the guy, the recall scene where he's talking to this guy and it's like kind of comedic. And I think that's to your point. He's like, I could do comedy or I guess, right and it's like kind of comedic and I think that's to your point. Sure. He's like, I could do comedy or I guess, right? It's like a fun new toy to him. Like he's like,

I can make jokes, you know? He's like enjoying that. I'm trying to, I think it's... And there's the good comedy here too, which I think he plays pretty well of him sort of now he's being sedated and he's trying to give his answers

about his piccadillos while like being kind of drugged and foggy. And this woman's sort of prodding him. You know what? He kind of nails that delivery of the, I forget, debauched and demure, but it's not those words. But you know what he cannot get out fast enough

is when she's like, orientation, and he's like, hetero! Hetero! Hetero! Hetero! But I will say for this hetero for this movie's to this movie's credit

like for being in 1990 where a lot of like really awful jokes would be there there's no joke there yeah that's true and there's no joke later when he's dressed like a lady

it's not like agreed it's not dude looks like a lady that's true and he wears it well he does and he keeps it on for a good chunk of time

he does and you know we'll get we'll get to the moment uh wherein he places a towel on his head yeah but they never actually call it out like you're waiting for them to say the joke it's a soft sight gag rather than a hard rather than a thing they keep underlying yeah sure um the other thing i was gonna say is uh but but they manage this pretty well which i i want to give verhoeven credit for but

this feels like it's at the peak of like arnold has complete creative control you know he gets final approval over everything even if he's hiring the director who he wants to make decisions he's like by the way every woman in the movie needs to want to f6 because there's the thing with the woman at the recall who keeps on like making at him. Every woman who looks at him in the movie has an extended reaction shot where they eat him up with their eyes and then make some comments. Even that doctor, putting him in the chair when he says hetero, she looks like, fucking thank God. Right, right. She has that moment. The big glasses, the doctor.

I thought it was Sally Jesse Raphael. She's got a real Sally Jesse Raphael look. There is no question. On Earth 3, Robert Costanzo made this movie and everyone wanted to have sex with him. People were just like, oh my god, that's fucking Robert Costanzo. But the thing I like is that

All that barbershop hair. The thing I like in this movie is that every time someone reacts like that to him, he just kind of shrugs it off. He is Robert Costanzo. He's like, why do these women want to have sex with me? He has a German accent? I'm working on it. If you looked in the mirror and he did look like

Robert Costanza, but like everyone else sees him as a woman. Oh, shit. You're talking like a classic down to earth. Heaven can wait. There you go. Alright. They try to recall him. He wakes up and goes crazy.

He wants to burn out. He wants the girl from the dream. They immediately load Rachel Takodin. Who wasn't the actress in the dream? It's a different person. The image on the screen is Rachel Takodin. Which is one of the few moments where the movie gives you a very hard

wink tip in one direction or the other. Yes. Because it's pretty comfortable being ambiguous for the rest of the movie. I think he's not really interested in ever answering this question. Right. It's not fucking Inception where he's asking you to look for the clues. Sure. The movie's about that uncertainty.

Agreed. The way they handle the thing getting botched is really great too because you don't see it start. You're in the middle of it. You can just picture that where it's the close up on his head and the device it's like ah ah ah and it's like flipping out.

That's what's beautiful is technically the thing fucks up before it even got started or doesn't. Or didn't. But they don't. Or didn't. Right. But they don't do any crazy cutting. There are no visual tricks.

The scene plays out normally. And suddenly they're like, fuck, the machine isn't working. Yeah. The secretary. Well, it's, no, it's also, the doctor's saying, like, we hit a mental cap. So she's saying,

this guy's memory's already been erased. Right. And so the guy's like, fuck it, just erase his memory. We'll just bundle him out of here. Yeah. Like, no,

he never came here. Like, forget it. But the entire notion of his memory already being erased plays into this idea that he's the secret agent. that he's Hauser. Right. Right.

Right. Yeah. So yes, so from this moment, the idea set up that he went to live out this fantasy, that he's going to be a secret agent on Mars, trying to save the people, but the machine broke.

And now it turns out that perhaps he was a secret agent on Mars whose memory has been erased. What are the odds? The central gambit of the film. Right. And I guess, yeah, I guess if you want to believe that this is all for real, which you can certainly believe, it's like, it's in there somewhere. So when he sees the recall ad, he's like, Mars, yes, I want to go to Mars.

Because I'm from Mars. It's almost like that's why he's having the dream. Something's pushing him to try to go find the place. This is all part of Ronnie Cox's incredibly Machiavellian plan. Are you serious? You're really playing this really close to the chest

not to jump ahead but when Ronnie Cox lays out the whole plan and he's like that's the most fucking insane coincidental and Ronnie Cox

is like I know it was really complicated and it didn't kind of didn't work I love this as a movie where characters keep on coming in and trying to take credit

for the movie we've been watching by the way this was my thing you know David we've been watching. By the way, this was my thing. David, we've been doing these ads recently. And I think our listeners like the ads, but we have gotten some complaints from the advertisers that the characters that keep on appearing for ad reads

are kind of out-of-date references. That's true. Yes, they do tend to come from around 2002. Right, they want to appeal to millennials. I don't know what we can do. That's true. Yes, they do tend to come from around 2002. Right. They want to appeal to like millennials. I don't know what we can do. It's just not, that's not our reference base. Ding dong. You want to get that or?

Yeah, let me. Okay. Ding dong. Oh my God. David, it's a wild Snorlax from Pokemon. Oh. Snorlax. Snorlax.

David, it's swiping at me. We got to get this thing to sleep. What can we do? Well, I mean, this is a Pokemon, but... What's that behind the mini fridge right there? Right behind it, obscured entirely by the mini fridge. Perfectly. I barely made out a corner.

Is a mattress that's been designed for humans by humans. Now, this is a Pokemon, but I think it's going to be okay because Casper mattresses are cleverly designed to mimic your curves, providing supportive comfort. And he's got a lot of curves. He's got major curves. And you spend a third of your life sleeping. You should be comfortable. I think Snorlax is more like two thirds.

I'm going to put the mattress, drag it out under him while you're saying this. You can say it in a hushed tone like a lullaby. All right. Well, these are original Casper mattresses combined multiple supportive memory foams for a quality sleep surface. You write them out of both sink and bounce, baby. Snore less. You know, average of 4.8 stars across review sites like Amazon and Google and Casper.com.

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all right well done that'll get that'll get the millennials so how long is this? 20 minutes of screen time? Like this sort of intro? Yeah.

Because after this, it's like every scene, it's like, here comes Robert Costanza. He's like, how you doing, buddy? I'm going to kill you. You know, every scene is like this. Yeah. So I think this may be like the 15 minute mark and they go like, just put him in a Johnny cab and they put him in a cab driven by robot Robert Picardo. Right?

That's something else. Right. And they built it to look like him, which is one of these things where like in a cab driven by robot robert picardo right which is that's something else right and they built it to look like him which is one of these things where like in a post-justice league world where the movie like the screenplay is only finished like six months after the movie finishes shooting yeah you know yeah yeah to be like in pre-production they were like this is the voice actor we're gonna hire rob i mean to make a robot. We're going to make it look like this guy. You guys are Star Trek fans, right?

But also that they modeled it after him. That they didn't just hire someone later. The amount of preparation. Movies used to require forethought to be made. But even still, you could just make a dummy and have its mouth be able to move and then hire whoever.

Lay it on the fuck ever you want. Right, to do it. It doesn't have to match the actor that's doing the voice, but they're like, no, no, no, no, this is going to be Robert Picardo. I want a Robert Picardo type. It's kind of like if Robert Picardo was turned into a Don Knotts influence puppet. That's what this thing looks like. It's a robot Dylan Baker is what it is. Interesting. Yeah, that's sort of thing looks like it's a robot Dylan Baker is what it is interesting

yeah that's sort of yeah and he does have like the very kind of classical like Disney Hall of Presidents movie yes

too smiley and jokey and just the weird kind of rotations like to stay animated and he doesn't really work because he's just like just drive and he's like

I don't know that destination but the design's so good with the light upup visor on his little tabby hat. It's what? Two scenes? It doesn't matter, but it's great. It's so good. All those little ideas are so good.

And that's the area where you look at this movie and it's like, God, they had a lot of fucking money to work with. Any idea they had, they were just like, yeah, we'll give you the full resources you need to realize that with the most talented artists at the peak of this sub-industry. Is this Johnny Cab set up, are they all designed so that if you skip out on the fair,

its head explodes and crashes into a wall? Because I don't understand why that happens in this movie. It's a lot of damage done in the chasing of the fair. Not only will we lose the $20 on the fair, we'll lose the whole fucking cab. $150,000. You might take out the fair jumper in the chasing of the fair. Not only will we lose the $20 on the fair, we'll lose the whole fucking cab. $150,000.

You might take out the fair jumper in the process and that's one less criminal on the streets. That's fair. It's a harsh world, the world of 2084. Can we look into a firmware update on those Johnny cabs? There's one glitch I'm thinking of that I would love to correct. Also, they turn I's into E's.

You know, when you do self-checkout and it fucks up. That's how trigger-happy Johnny Caffey says, are you not paying me? You trying to welch on me? Look, Bob, I got to give you some credit. In terms of customer interaction, relations... In terms of looking like Robert Picardo.

It's unbelievable. Good job. Great likeness, good animatronics, good bedside manner. In terms of not exploding when someone tries to get out of the cab without paying, a thing that happens a lot in major cities on any planet. So he kills poor old Costanzo. He does.

And all his friends. This is where you realize that this is, because you kind of, at least for me rewatching, I hadn't rewatched it in full in a really long time. You forget that it's as Verhoeven-y as it is. And then when he takes out these four dudes and like chests are exploding, like he shoots that one guy through the back and that guy's chest just explodes from the front. Like I was like,

oh yeah. Oh, it's this kind of movie. And also no ramp up no slow build immediately he gets back hey how was that recall what I don't remember fucking heads being ripped off

rather than like a 10 minute scene of like him sort of being like what recall he's just like yeah yeah the fucking recall here's a gun he elbows a guy and his dick explodes the whole thing is just like yeah yeah the fucking recall here's a gun he elbows a guy and his dick explodes the whole thing is just like so huge there's also a moment I love where I think he's got

the two guys on his back and he throws them back and when he throws them the wall of the set vibrates and it doesn't even feel like a Tor Johnson like plan 9 mistake that's how powerful Arnold Schwarzenegger is oh sure or we're in a spy thriller right that's the thing this iszenegger is. Oh, sure. Or we're in a spy thriller.

Right, that's the thing. It's like, this is so hyper real that he can make the wall shake. Yeah. Robert Costanzo's throat gets crushed. He's just stepping on his throat. Oh, it's brutal. It is brutal. Tomorrow, when he calls out of work, when he goes to Mars,

six people have to lift up that jackhammer, and then they're using it. That's a real bummer for that whole project. They have to stand on each other's shoulders just to reach the handles. Yeah, it's tough. And then he goes to see his wife, and she attacks him, too.

Yes. And she is the best at it. She looks amazing. She's in her workout clothes. Jazz or something. Oh, no, she's doing her hollow tennis. That's what she's doing. Right, right.

Which is so wee. That was one of those things. That's amazing. He really called it. Yeah. Oh, God. And she's like, it it's all made up I'm an agent monitoring you I guess the ruse is just up why is the ruse up

because he just killed people because Michael Ironside has already contacted her at this point he's coming so her job is to keep him there so Ironside and his boys Michael Ironside a guy who imagine if he was born 10 years earlier or 10 years later. He wouldn't have had a career.

No. But that was the right face, and more specifically, the right name. Yes. For that genre in that decade. You know? His real name is Frederick Ironside. He made up Michael. That's right!

Ironside is real made up Michael. Now what? Ironside is real. Michael isn't? Michael Ironside is an acclaimed Canadian actor. Freddie Ironside sells you shitty cars. You need the siding. You need the Ironside. The Freddie's Ironside. Your car got dinked up.

Go talk to Freddie Ironside. Michael Irons Ironside. Your car got dinked up. Go talk to Freddy Ironside. Michael Ironside has beaten two forms of cancer. Wow. He is a method actor, so he stays in character on set. Oh, Jesus. Was he in character in that Canadian horror movie we did? Visiting Hours, probably. Oh, my Lord.

You ever see that? With William Shatner? No. I'm looking at it now. A feminist journalist becomes the target of a serial killer. Okay. A feminist journalist as in the movie is like, look at this fucking feminist.

Like that's how it's portrayed. He's a dude. He's like a leather daddy serial killer. It's awesome. Michael Ironside is probably the best actor at not closing his mouth. He uses that to his advantage all of the time. That's a really good call.

Do you want to know something crazy about Michael Ironside? He was Jester in Top Gun. Correct. Do you know how Michael Ironside beat cancer both of those times? How? He strangled it to death. He played a person who didn't have cancer. He's such a good method actor.

That's how good an actor he is. He's such a good method actor. That's how good an actor he is, right? He could cure cancer if he could make us all. He went to his agent and went find me a script. Any script as long as they don't have cancer. That's funny though because Cancer, Ironside, and Schwarzenegger did you see the story about this

on the set of the movie? So Arnold one day notices that between takes, Ironside is making all these phone calls and they appear to be like serious phone calls. And one day he goes up to him and he's like, hey man, what's going on with all these phone calls? I mean, that's not how he said it.

No. Why are you on the fucking phone? This is my movie. You're paying for those calls. Until Michael Ironside reveals that he's on the phone with his sister who has cancer. So Arnold says, come with me into this room. If you want to live.

Or if your sister wants to live, come with me in this room. Oh, cancer jokes. And they got on a call for three hours, and he advised her on exercises that she should be doing and her nutrition to help her while she's battling the cancer. Arnold Schwarzenegger is fucking great. That actually might be how Michael Ironside beat cancer. Maybe he was just taking notes. Right, yeah. Saved them for later. Well, Michael Ironside

is a hero to us all. I guess, you know. And Cronen, speaking of Cronenberg, Scanners. Scanners. That was like his first role practically, right? He's fucking awesome. Brilliant that movie movie Scanners is this is the only movie where Michael Ironside

kind of gets the girl right like yeah he locked it down with Sharon Stone yeah he locked it down they do crazy like role play shit

where she marries someone else for six months and he's in it the whole time she's having sex with Arnold Schwarzenegger thinking about Michael Ironside

with that hairline I mean come on but that is that is Michael Ironside. With that hairline? I mean, come on. But that is Michael Ironside's fetish is being cut by Schwarzenegger. Yeah.

And it finally came true in this movie. It finally happened. You think he was reading the script and he's like, wait, so who's playing this guy? Oh, it's Arnold, huh?

Oh, and I would be this guy. Oh. Oh, you don't say. Oh, and what happens in this? Oh. Originally, they were offered the opposite roles.

And Ironside was like, is there any way I can be cucked by Arnold? And Arnold was like, you don't want to be a star? No. This is really

like a specific thing. I'm looking to get cucked by Schwartzy. We've said a lot of stuff about Michael Ironside. We have. Some true, some not. All true.

By my iris. But he's after Arnie in this movie. He is. a leather jacket he's not a leather daddy he's not a leather daddy do you remember when uh mcg was like trying so hard to convince everyone that he was a cool badass director on uh terminator uh salvation which he's in right side's in that yeah that was the thing i was gonna say was like he did that as such a clear move to be like look i. Ironside's in that. That was the thing I was going to say was like he did that as such a clear move to be like,

look, I hired Ironside. I know all the cool stuff. I just remember this interview with him where he was like, you know, James Cameron did Piranha 2 before he made Terminator. Oh no.

So maybe, you know, like he was trying to be like my first four movies. So maybe We Are Marshall is my Piranha 2? That's what he was kind of arguing. Yeah. Didn't Mick G do those He was trying to be like my first four movies. So maybe We Are Marshall is my piranha too? That's what he was kind of arguing. Didn't Mick G do those Charlie's Angels movies? He did.

He did both of those. Did both of those. Is that it? He did those two. He did We Are Marshall. He did... He did the Barenaked Ladies one week video. That is true.

Yep. I think he did the Offspring Prefly for a White Guy video as well. Oh, wow. That would check out. Did Criterion release those packages? Yes, you are correct. That is true. Yep. I think he did the Offspring Prefly for a white guy video. Oh, wow. That would check out. The Criterion released those packages? Yes, you are correct. Yeah, it was just like

the BC Boys collection. They had the same thing, but it was two videos. He also did All Star. He did All Star. Smash Mouths. Smash Mouths. Oh, my God.

For the movie Mystery Man. Sure. And we were talking about it off mic. And then he made This Means War. Right. And then Hollywood was like

McG one more try they gave him another fucking check after that the crazier thing is 2003 he was supposed to direct Superman yes he was this close to doing it and the reason that he got pushed off the project

and the project got shut down do you know this? the only reason that movie didn't come to fruition is that Warner Brothers who had just done the Matrix sequels in Australia

and saved a lot of money doing that Oh I do know this. Demanded that the movie be moved to Australia and McG is afraid of planes and refused to get on a plane. He's afraid of flying.

John Madden type. Yeah. That's crazy. And they shut the whole movie down. They were like McG it's a go picture 200 million dollar budget

you're all set to go all you have to do is get on a plane and he walked away was that Superman Returns or was it just something totally different that's what

Superman Returns is what came up after that got shut down and they went back to the drawing board so totally different screenplay I'm gonna call bullshit on McG because this is in his personal life and it mentions the thing you just said

he's unable to board a plane going to Australia to shoot Superman Flyby get on a boat you're gonna direct Superman motherfucker it's a long boat ride is that why he did

We Are Marshall he's like see see it's a good call I forgot about that but it's a plane crash movie he and actress Bridget Moynihan

dated for a time nice after meeting on an airplane oh my this fucking guy okay but maybe maybe that's why he's afraid of planes now

Bridget just frightened the shit out of him boom I heard they had a bad breakup on a plane alright let's keep moving to the next thing

that is insane that those two facts are both on his Wikipedia those are the two facts one after the other so he puts a towel on his head. Those are the two facts one after the other. So he puts a towel on his head. Okay.

Because he wants to obscure their tracking signal. And then he takes the tracking device out and it's awesome. Some stuntman calls him and he's like, hey, I'm your best buddy

and this is the only way to do it is to put a wet towel on your head will obscure this incredibly complex brain implant. Also, here's a suitcase.

Yes. Come down right away and then this woman This is implant. Also, here's a suitcase. Come down right away. And then this woman... This is awesome. It's just like, this is my fucking suitcase. This is the one moment where he gets a little into the old Detroit Robocop zone of just the world is a hellhole. You can't leave a good suitcase on a street corner

for five seconds without some old lady claiming that it's hers. Also, it's a world where an old lady will tell you to go fuck yourself. Yes, she's very aggressive. But he gets the suitcase from this buddy who said, you told me to do this. Right, and how is this dude not in the movie again?

I know, it's very weird. I was expecting, because I didn't really remember, it's been a really long time since I watched this, and I was like, all right, so that guy is clearly going to be someone who like rips a mask off and it's a known person I had the same thing where when that guy showed up on screen I was like huh that's a

weirdly unknown actor for what's clearly one of the lead roles in this movie like I must have forgotten that he's one of the five leads yeah exactly and then he never appears again for the rest of the movie the guy helping Arnold Schwarzenegger is Arnold Schwarzenegger because Arnold's his own best scene partner. And he is. He's great.

Hey buddy, I need you to put this thing in your nose. He gets to a spot that looks like the sort of warehouse where Lewis and Murphy hide out in RoboCop. I feel like it looks very similar. And he opens up the suitcase. He's got all the...

It's a Bourne suitcase. It's got fake IDs, it's got money red money because it's Mars money yeah baby, Mars bucks he's got an electronic nose picker which I love that the animatronic thing it's the weird face he's got a TV screen with this video

from Arnold telling him like look I knew this was going to happen. You're the one guy who can take this whole thing down. It's all in your mind, but I knew they were going to wipe your memory. So if you're watching this, that's what happened. Here are the things you need to do. Number one, get that tracking device out of your head. Sticks it up his nose.

They go to this amazing robot Arnold with this, like like crazy extreme paint expression. And this is where it's, I feel it's another clue that this is just all in his head because this like elastic nostril that happens, like he would, he's pulling this thing out. So horrific. It's like a fucking billiard ball. Right.

You know, like he'd just tear that nostril. Yeah. And instead he just turns into rubber face for a second. His eyes are like bulging out of his head. And you can see the light of it like through the eye socket. Yeah. But I even think in a lot of the scenes where it is an animatronic head,

like Arnold's doing a lot of face acting when he's in pain in this movie. Yeah. He's in his like cool neutral. Yeah, when he's in the recall chair, he has to do a lot of like, Arnold! Which he does well. And he does it with a real lack of embarrassment. Yeah.

Which is like impressive those are the noises a lion can make and Arnold Schwarzenegger they belong in the museum of noises

I don't know how any human being can go and I can't do it but everything in this movie is like a 12 in that kind of way and if he has to

pick a thing out of his nose it's like at a 12 but what I don't understand and I've never been able to crack it about this movie, is it doesn't feel out of place. No. All of these ridiculous rubber faces are in this movie, and you're like, yep, fair enough. That's the fucking thing this movie's wrestling with.

Is that the point that it all feels like a crazy movie? Yeah. Because you just think about the fact that the amount of time and money they had to spend to build the rubber head, to pull the thing out of his nose, when they could have just gone like, okay, so Arnold, you're going to stick your finger up your nose, you're going to make some pained faces, and then you're going to pull it. It's a Christmas light.

Like, oh, there it is. But they wanted that bulbous... That's what I love about this movie. Why spend $10,000 when $100,000 will do? Right. Exactly. He tests out the hologram, Chekhov's hologram.

Hologram's pretty good. It does take him a while to use that thing. But it's great. There's that old maxim in improv that the moment you want to do a callback is the moment after the audience has forgotten about it. You want to wait until. Yeah. They don't remember the original thing so you can bring it back and blow their mind. And this movie, you totally forget about the fucking hologram.

Totally do. Because it's been over an hour and he hasn't used it once. But you have this shootout. He's really impressed with it. Okay. I got a hologram. Let me slap that on my wrist. And then he puts the tracking device in the chocolate bar for the rat and goes on the run.

And Michael Ironside and his boys come in and just will not stop shooting at this rat. Oh, man. It goes on for like two minutes. There's nothing there. The space is fairly well lit, all considering. It's his second bald villain, now that I'm thinking about it, who won't stop shooting at people,

like right after Kurtwood Smith. This is his thing, is villains who look like your friend's dad. It's really true. But yeah, they just won't stop shooting. And the guy with the monitor keeps on going like, Oh, no, I'm sorry. There.

And pointing on the ground. Excuse me, there's clearly no one. I'm all the way in the back. I don't mean to be a dick. When you say there, do you mean that empty space that I'm looking at because I can see an empty space right there we're not on the other side

of a wall we're looking all in the same area here so now he's on the run goes to Mars he goes to Mars he goes right to Mars he goes to the Mars port

goes to Mars meets Benny it's like hey hey hey hey we're cut over the best moment of this entire movie okay go ahead the head the fake out, the disguise.

Oh, you're right. Of course, that's before Benny. Yes, yes, yes. Sorry, sorry, sorry. He's going through customs at Mars. I forgot that, of course, it's a customs. Or rather, a Margo Martindale type is going through customs on Mars. Oh, bravo.

The Margo Martindale of her day. Who is it? I don't know. Do you know? I'm going to look it up. She's really good in this yeah because this is a tough part to play this is what kept me out of this movie for a long time because i was like a coward as a kid like i wouldn't watch horror movies and this is kind of a horror scene it's

very upsetting and this is like very much like what verhoeven does like why not have horror where there shouldn't be horror like you know what i mean like this is it could again it could be a fun like mission impossible gag he just takes off a mask right but he removes her head and not only that but the moment when she starts malfunctioning

and like stuttering and there's self-awareness on her face of what's going on she's pulling that's the scary part her name is Priscilla Allen that feels like

something out of a David Lynch movie yeah totally she's like pulling at the sides of her mouth yes six feet tall and apparently

the grand dame of San Diego theater. Wow. According to her obituary. R.I.P. R.I.P. R.I.P. But that is the cool thing is you can tell that she's the same size as our friend. She's big.

She's big. She's built like a linebacker. Two weeks. Right. Right. She comes. She's got the one answer program. How long are you going to be here?

Two weeks. Nails the delivery. Right? Thank you, your cast. Please send us your sizes. But then they ask a follow-up question about fruits and vegetables. You touch any

livestock. She throws out the two weeks again, but with that haunting self-awareness of oh fuck, I'm saying the wrong thing. Meanwhile, right, Michael Ironsides there, he's talking to Mark Alemo, he's talking to Golda Katt from Deep Space Nine, who plays the other guy. Right, and he's like, look, I'm the lead

villain in this movie, here's a scene where I have a monologue, let me do this monologue, I'm disrupted, this is my big moment. I want to kill this guy. Why is this extra in the background talking so loudly? Right, and Golda Katt's like, well, we don't know where he is and he's like what's this over here and I thought they'd tease it out for so long

like the elevator doors are like closed like he's gonna be out of it he turns back to look at this woman like seven times like is that no well you know I should just check I'm gonna regret it now if I don't just check well he just didn't want to hear any more Bajoran slurs

from Golda Cat. He's just literally tired of it. Like, dude, could you get off the Bajoran shit? That's making me very uncomfortable. We get it, dude. You think they're all terrorists. It helps that this movie never sets up this technology. And that you don't have any sequence

of Arnold getting into disguise. You have him on the run, the rat with the tracking device and then suddenly it's just a woman going through and you're like maybe this is just how we enter this scene is through some random day player. Even if you think it's Arnold you don't think it'll be revealed by him sort of like

splitting his head apart in sections and like throwing it at someone then it's a bomb that announces that it's a bomb. Once a year I will throw in the disc at least and literally just go to the sequence and go frame by frame because the way the thing breaks apart is stunning

and the lack of visible seams before because usually movies like this you can tell when it cuts to something that's now going to be an effect shot. You know there's a shift in like the plasticity of their skin or whatever it is. You go like, okay, something weird's about to happen. Yeah. You know, like in the opening when

his eyes start bugging out on Mars, you can tell that cut from, oh, here's real Arnold Schwarzenegger, here's animatronic Arnold Schwarzenegger, because now there's an effect that needs to happen. It's a cartoon when you see the broom Mickey's going to grab, because it's not part of the background. Right. But this is just such a graceful like,

okay, she's there. She's nailing this performance of the freak out, right? So what? Then she starts like reaching for her ear. Then we go to the one fake robot head that's the one with the ear that extends. Which is great.

Built a whole head just for that one shot, right? And then the wig flies off. Yeah. And then we go to the second head with this horrifying expression. Yeah. And then it just kind of like cascades out over his head. The Arnold underneath

looks weird. I think it's great anyway but yeah it looks totally weird. It's great you buy it at this point because like the whole thing is so bizarre Yeah. Well this is the other there's two why did we make a head here? This is one and then sometimes when Cuado when the great actor who plays him like why isn't it just on?

Like, why did we have to make a fake head for that? So I question that as well, because in the Arnold moment with the cascading head, it's clearly a real person's arms that are lifting up the head. Yes. I wonder if it was just something about they needed an operator there rather than Arnold himself doing it. about they needed an operator there rather than Arnold himself doing it. If it was something about the physics of the positioning, that it was always going to be someone else's arms behind or whatever it was.

With the Quattro one, I always question that and I watch very closely this time. I think the entire body is a puppet. When you look at the way the arms are moving too, I think it's just full stop a puppet with some guy behind it with a thousand rods. That probably makes more sense than just putting

a shirt on this guy essentially a puppet shirt but it is one of those things where it's baked into the cake of the movie where all of this works for it when you have these weird effect heads that are meant to just do one thing and are stuck in some bizarre pained expression

it somehow just plays into the effect of this movie being like all super hyper cranked up you love this effect? I loved it I love it I remember reading

some special effects it might have even been Empire Magazine or something did a list of like the 50 best special effects of all time and they put this

as number 2 I think what was number 1? behind the moment in the thing where the spider legs come out. Oh, yeah. That one just still doesn't fucking make sense

how they did that. It's amazing. Yeah. That whole sequence is amazing. The defibrillator's going through the chest and then the chest is a mouth that bites him is my favorite thing in the world. It's like two nightmares.

These two movies for me are the ones where the physics of how they get the animatronics to do that shit in one continuous shot without edits. Because I'm like American Werewolf in London, which is rad. The whole game is there are a thousand cuts.

Yes. And each dummy is just set up to do one thing. Right. But when it's able to do like two things, I lose my mind. I thought you were going to say number one was Kermit and Piggy

riding that tandem bike in Great Muppet Caper. That should be fucking up there. That thing is stunning. That's a fucking mystery, man. That's a mystery. I cry every time I see that. It's amazing.

Maybe because like the emotional value of the shot. Like who gives a shit? I love the Muppets. That shot doesn't really mean anything. It's just Jim Henson showing off. That shot is just a fucking mic drop.

I want to see that. It really is. And the crazy thing is in the Muppet movie he does it with just Kermit riding the bike and you're like, that's it. That's the peak of filmmaking. You're never going to be able to top that. It really is. And the crazy thing is in the Muppet movie he does it with just Kermit riding the bike and you're like that's it.

That's the peak of filmmaking. You're never going to be able to top that. Yeah. And then four years later Jim Henson's like hold my beer for a second. Hey man I'll put two on a bike.

The fucking electric mayhem are on bikes. Everyone's on a bike. They built a bike for Crazy Harry. He's like fifth tier. It's beautiful. It's great.

Can we get to Benny? Okay. So he throws his head head get ready for a surprise great and explodes and now he's on the run runs off to the red light district Venusville

right two cab drivers are competing for him but he goes with Benny because Benny's got five kids to feed got five kids to feed Mel Johnson Jr. turn off your phone

it's not my phone it's my iPad this is the thing you always complain about. We're going to take our picture. Look out! What are you doing with that cloak? God, he's just got like 400 text messages. I'm blowing up. So

Benny is great. What do you guys think of Benny? Mel Johnson Jr. Don't know him at all. I kind of kept being like, is he the guy? No, he's not. I've never seen him do anything. He did barely anything. He's kind of great. He is great. He's really great in this one role. You know he hasn't done anything because if you look at the first sentence

of that IMDb bio, it's like, best known for playing Benny in Total Recall. That's always a bummer when you get to the bones. It's true. Like the guy in Attack of the Clones I was gonna say who's famous for saying

this is a crisis right according to his IMDB page not me not Orn Freeta Mas Amedda yeah

yeah we were trying I think he's Mas Amedda he's like the blue guy he's the one with the sort of tendrils he's got like pointy tendrils he's not a Jedi

he's like a senator or something oh right right right right and then we were trying to describe him to someone and David was like oh that guy he's not a Jedi he's like a senator or something oh right right right right and there he is we were trying to describe him to someone

and David was like oh that guy he's like the devil he's like the fun devil he's pretty he's that fun devil yeah David was trying

to describe him to somebody and he was like to Gethard yeah to Gethard and you were like he's the guy who has that line

and then we looked him up and his IMDB bio was just most known for saying the line. This is a crisis. It's like the only line he has as far as I know.

I'm sure at cons he like signs every headshot. This is a crisis! Exclamation point. What he definitely doesn't tell anybody is that it was probably dubbed by someone.

That was my delivery. Tell me. 100%. Mel Johnson Jr. plays Benny. Benny has a cab and then you got Melina Rachel Takotin

who's Katana's sister oh that's Mortal Kombat we're thinking of Benny takes him to this very nice Hilton and they give him a security box a safe deposit box that inside of it just has this folded up flyer for a gentleman's club. Sure.

That tells him to go find her. He does a really interesting thing right here where he, I don't remember what the word is, but he writes the word out and is like, oh, it's in the same handwriting. That's me. Yes, he writes her name. Yeah, it's such an awesome moment. Just like that little detail

and that scuzzy like counter guy is checking out. Does the counter guy turn him in at any point? Because this guy who's playing this Hilton attendant is looking very suspiciously at him because he doesn't know to put his thumb on the thing to access. And he's looking at this guy. He's looking at him, like, write the name down or whatever. I don't think he does anything.

I interpret it more as he used to be a regular customer. He's weirded out by this guy not knowing anything. Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah. Because he immediately knows who he is. Yeah. He calls him by his proper name. He's like Mr. Hauser. Do you want the usual sweet, all that stuff. Right, right, all that sort of

stuff. Of course. So, fun fact about Mars, it's full of mutants. Full of mutants. When people first got there, they hadn't really worked out the air system. Radiation shielding. You definitely don't want to be the first guy on Mars.

No. You want to be like the 10,000th guy on Mars. Definitely everything's fine. Cool. I'm not a pioneer. I'm a tourist, man. I'm not looking pioneer i'm a tourist man i'm not looking to turn any heads right um it's like you want to wait for like the third iphone yeah exactly and i was like i'll buy one when it has enough storage to replace my ipod right yeah because back then you had to have two you had to have both yep and i was like i'll wait until then but

all these dumb early mars adopters end up with dumb faces and psychic abilities. And they spend so much more money than we are paying. I know. That's true. Yes, very true. One of them is Dean Norris, by the way. Really? Yes. I think he's the one with the sort of one eye and like the fold face. Yeah, that's Dean Norris.

Fold face is Dean Norris? Yeah. Who then I guess it's implied is the father and husband of the woman and girl who we see in the alleyway. I think he may also be the leader of the freaks. Yeah, I think he's kind of... He's kind of like... That's been a good role. Doctor Freak?

Yeah, yeah. Now I want to double check that I'm right. He gets a lot of screen time. We learn, which is very important, that almost for some reason, bad news is you have a fold on your face. Good news is you're psychic for no reason. All of them. Wow, that is him. They're all psychics.

And that's kind of where Ronnie Cox's insane plan has to come from. Because all these people are psychic and they will understand a fake if you try and put them through. Right. Totally. Because, yeah, there's this moment where he's walking through and I don't know, like sort of sneaks a peek at this woman and then she turns her face and the other half of her face

is blog. Yeah. And then she sort of says like, can look into your future, this and that. But it feels like, is that like a sexual thing? Yeah.

What's she talking about? But then the girl comes up and it's like, no, this is literally like, this is their one sort of like, what's the word i'm

looking for they're they're like homeless people who have this one thing they can monetize sure like they're living on the streets but they can like use their psychic abilities to taurus what's great about that moment though is she's like oh you're a taurus or whatever it is like how did you know and then i believe he just gives her a handful of earth pennies. He gives her some cash. Which they are red. He's being culturally aware. He did take the right currency.

He picked the red of the coins. I'd love that if she was like, what am I going to do with this, you cheap scumbag? Throw him into the folds of her father's face. Wow, these freaks are really aggressive here. Do you think Dean Norris has an eye under there and he just has to like

kind of like Yeah, guaranteed. That's just like a big piece of roast beef on his face and he's flipping it up. You know, you just showed us the picture of him in the movie. He looks like a sunburned

elephant man. He does. That's the makeup job. I think that's why the mutants look so scary is that it's so pink. It's so like unnaturally pink. It's so pink It's so unnaturally pink It's very wet too

It's a wet look I love wet stuff Ben likes wet stuff That's a great thing to say In a totally non-sexual way, Ben likes any movie where things are wet It's just better You can tell they could have just made it dry That's easy

Wet is tough It's tough and it just looks better Things look slicker because you can tell they could have just made it dry that's easy but if you make shit wet it's tough and then it's like it just looks better things look slicker things are slippery it's shiny he likes a good slick fill

what about if you're like a real expert and you get that nice middle ground where things are moist oh I feel moist I feel okay about it

I feel okay about dampness do you like a dewy picture I do like a dewy picture but but it's got to be early. It's got to be set early, you know? So it's like selling that kind of life. You're like a morning dew. Yeah, they're wet. They're wet.

They're all psychic. He goes to this club with Foldface Norris. Yeah, Takotin's there and she's like, fuck you, you work for the other side. It's a cat house. It's a cat house. At this point, it's like an old west cat house. There's a three boob lady.

Yes, infamously, which is like the one element they carried over to the remake. I remember in interviews they could have been like, I mean, we had to have the three boob lady. You didn't have to do anything.

Well, the three boob lady is famous. Well, sure, it is America. You didn't have to make the movie. Right, exactly. Also that. All of this, choices.

Do you think it was just studio guys like, Total Recall. You're going to do the three-week late-night gig? And they were like, yeah, sure. I would love to see that in CG. You know what I mean? You got the old school, the analog. It's not for me. It doesn't age so well.

To see that in CGI. I want a good jiggle. It is weird that they're like they're like very like firm yes no they don't look great it's true it's one of the prosthetic effects that doesn't you know yeah you look at it for a second you're like oh those are plastic boobs but that's okay you know because it means what that means is they made it and it wasn't great and they were like you know what it's fine because otherwise if they look fantastic that means is they made it and it wasn't great. And they were like, you know what? It's fine. Because otherwise, if they look fantastic, that means hours and days and possibly weeks. We're like, no, no, the trickle's gotta be better.

Where's that third tit? They're like those people who designed the Dead or Alive video games. There's like a guy whose whole job is the tits bouncing. His entire job is to program that. The cleavage freckle. I told you I had veto power come back next week

this isn't right yet get it right that's the other point you know is that if the boobs were too good the movie would get completely derailed here

because he has to turn her down and if they were three great boobs he'd be like you know what give me a mulligan of like a collar

I believe Benny has the I wish I had more hands or whatever line okay Benny well it's you know what give me a mulligan of like a collar I believe Benny has the I wish I had more hands or whatever line okay Benny well it's you know two comedy points yeah he gets two

Benny's throwing a lot of paprika on the sandwich at this point which is another thing I like because I feel like Benny is like tiptoeing into being like Jesus Christ

this feels like a parody of a comic relief character which he ends up kind of being like it's a guy performingly trying to be like

and then he's a parody of a villain like yeah he's like it's a guy performatively trying to be like and then he's a parody of a villain like yeah he's like suddenly like I'm gonna drill you to death there's no subtlety

in any corner of this movie it's very aggro very aggro at all times but he finds Rachel Takotin who's very excited she blows him off well no first she's excited

yes I guess so and then she's like cause he's not him and she's like oh are you yeah she thinks it's like her great love coming back and then he's in because he's not him and she's like oh right yeah right yeah she thinks

it's like her great love coming back yeah and then he's in sort of detective mode doesn't doesn't she say something about like he's presumed dead yes and you know she's like why wouldn't you send word that to me you know uh that you were still alive and whatever and he's like no baby i promise i have no idea who you are right my name is qu is Quaid. I live on Earth with a wife. Right. And then she's furious. Then she's furious. Yeah, she's mad then. Right. Because it's like, oh, I was sleeping with this guy. She's like, oh, the wife. How long have you had the wife? Like, you know what I mean? It's that whole

thing. Yes. Eight years. That old story. Yeah, I know. And like right then is when the doctor shows up, right? I love that scene. It's right around then. Yes. Yeah. Roy Rocksmith. And he waits. I love that guy. It's a parody then. Yes. Yeah. Roy Rocksmith. And he waits. I love that guy.

It's a parody of like Tech Support and Vanilla Sky, which is many years later. You know, that thing with the guy. It's very similar. All right. You know, this is a dream.

Hello. Like, you know, I am here to interrupt your dream. I'm designed to look like a nerd before you make any cracks about my appearance.

I'm wearing a tweed suit. He's the second of, I think, at least two Seinfeld bit actors in this movie. Well, Quatto. Quatto. The animatronic itself. Who was that guy on Seinfeld? Played the puffy shirt.

No, no, no. I think that guy was on Seinfeld, though. Yes, he was. Oh, you mean Quatto, or do you mean this guy? Because this guy was definitely on Seinfeld. This guy was on Seinfeld. This guy, the doctor was the landlord in that episode where he's like, oh yeah, Babs Kramer, what a whore that lady was.

And Kramer gets really pissed. And then the little person, Prostitute, is Mickey's love interest in the stand. That's right. It does feel like... Cumbelina, she's called in this movie. There is a similar acting pitch for Seinfeld and Verhoeven films it would make sense there's a common pool there

because there's a comedic pitch and a size Wayne Knight comes in in Basic Instinct that's right that was when Verhoeven was like who's the sweatiest actor in all of Hollywood you want to talk about a wet performance

exactly I've met Costanzo not that sweaty in all of hollywood exactly yeah i've met not that sweaty speaking of sweaty actually the whole crucial thing in this scene

is the doctor and the bead of sweat yeah yeah and that's the tell and sharon stone comes in she comes in

she's like sweetie and and this is like performance on performance on performance like she's playing it like look that encounter you had earlier was part of the simulation

that wasn't me this is the real me and then he goes to like right subjective first person camera so you're like watching Sharon Stone look you the audience member in the eyes be like trust me and you're like it's a pretty good offer

and the sweat there's also first person all that stuff in the eyes, be like, trust me. And you're like, that's a pretty good offer. And the sweat. There's also first person. All that stuff. And for all you misogynists out there, he has to take a red pill to go back. That's crazy. This is like 10 years.

This is 1990? It's nine years before the Matrix. I like that he spits the pill out too. And they offer a similar explanation to the Matrix thing where they're not like oh the red pill is gonna send you back to reality they're like the red pill will just calm your brain down

the same way in the Matrix they're like the pill will just lower your senses a little bit so we can inject you but then this is like his hard turn is just like fuck it I'm staying here shoot Sharon two head shots in the head. Shoots Sharon Stone.

Two headshots, man. The headshots in this movie. Again, nice made up like smoldering craters in their head. Yeah. Consider that a divorce. Right. Oh, great line. It's a great line.

A weird IMDb trivia thing was apparently it tested. I think he says, consider this a divorce and shoots her but everyone's like oh that's too cold but shooting her in the head and then saying consider that a divorce like oh that's

a bit warmer I guess wow yeah I can see that though where it seems less premeditated if he says it afterwards maybe right

yeah and then Rachel Ducoton dunks on her as well right yeah she's like that was your wife yeah like or whatever

Sharon Stone you loser Sharon Stone, you loser. Sharon Stone's from 1990. No, thank you. Hard pass. It's also who shot first thing though because she's definitely going for a gun.

She's going for the gun. She's going for the gun. She's got her, as she's talking, she's reaching for her back pocket gun. That's true. So we know at the very least

that, well, but then this gets to the question it's like okay so does that offer concrete proof that this is real because if it were sharon stone trying to communicate to him in the dream she wouldn't have the gun but the whole explanation they give of the pill is right now your brain is fighting no it's a dream right yeah if you take the pill your brain will give up and then we'll be able to pull you back right so his brain would want sharon stone to have a gun to allow him to continue living out this life well and he also says that thing where he's like if you kill me you're gonna go crazy yes and the

whole reality is not gonna make sense and everything he says. Yeah, the movie just gets even more bugged. Right. Because then the movie is like, it's an alien temple. It just sort of goes wilder. Well, also, the second Sharon Stone hits the floor, more or less, those dudes break through that wall. Immediately. It's very like Eternal Sunshine. Like, oh, now this crazy thing is happening.

Like, immediately. Like, there's no response time. You made your choice, and now there's another action sequence. Yeah, exactly. Right. crazy thing is happening, like, immediately. Like, there's no response time. You made your choice and now there's another action sequence. Yeah, exactly. Right. But then, yes, it's true.

After this moment where he has this, like, choice to go back and accept reality, you know, leave this dream state as he's being told. Right.

Go back and just hang out with Robert Costanzo. Then aliens come into the picture because right now we're living in a world up until this point in the movie. Where Earth has conquered Mars and humans have colonized Mars

and there are no creatures on Mars. That's that. But now Ronnie Cox is revealing that there's this whole fucking technology that they don't understand that was there before they got there. With like a weird Spock hand you know like you have to poor fingered Mickey Mouse hand print. And there's when he's choosing his own

adventure in the beginning, they're like, I think the people who are calling up this card are like, two headed monsters on Mars. That's new on me. And they're like doing stuff for him. And that's sort of where we go to. Anyway.

Yes. Very much so. Um, so when they escape, uh, Ronnie Cox turns off the air. Yes. Uh,

and they go meet quad. Those are the two things that happen. Yeah. Fucking quad out. This is cool. This dude rules. He's great. I are the two things that happen. Fucking Cuadro. This is a cool dude. This dude rules. He's great. I didn't think Cuadro would ever get a late night show.

That would have been good. Oh my god, yeah. And then the host is the sidekick. Yeah, right. Good one, Cuadro. You only need one chair. Yeah. Cheap.

Oh, it's so cheap. You know, the Tonight Show, it's the chairs that really inflate the cost. It's tough to get a good two-shot, though. This is a very, like, Krang in Ninja Turtles, which is one of the best things ever invented in comic books. Krang's pretty awesome. And his human suit. His human suit is great.

He's always in a bathing suit. I feel so bad for Quado because all he's trying to do is put Arnold at ease. Yeah. But he looks like Cuado. He's like, release your mind. I'm like, I'm going to throw up right now. It's really hard. The monster from Basket Case.

Dude, I am not settling down at all. And a killer move. A killer move is in the casting and the direction of the vocal performance for Cuado himself. Yes. This guy delivers these lines like he's in Long Day's Journey into Night. He does. You know, like he's so honest and straightforward.

He's kind of wistful at certain points. A lot of integrity. Like there's no fucking genre in quotes acting. He's not playing the appearance at all. I just love it. It's literally like the guy's like, if you don't take the pill, you're going to go crazy. And he's like, no, I'm not taking the pill. I'm love it. It's literally like the guy's like, if you don't take the pill, you're going to go crazy. And he's like,

no, I'm not taking the pill. I'm going to talk to this stomach person who's going to tell me that it's an alien artifact that's going to create breathable air.

Well, and I, like, are we supposed to believe they built all of this shit and then forgot to turn it on or something? Like,

why isn't it working already? Right. But there's also, I love animatronics, as I've said, but the limitation was always that it was hard to get proper mouth movements for dialogue. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You get, like, the Ninja Turtles effect where it's just, like, lips kind of flapping generally. Right. And then words coming out. Yeah. But Quatto, they do this fucking thing because his mouth is kind of slanted at this weird angle. He's got this kind of, like, Stallone mouth. So it's all this, purred growl and like the lip movements fucking sync up well to what he's saying.

He's got a tongue rattled around in there too, man. No, the detail on him and the couple of hairs. It's just like, yeah. Cause, cause Quatto was like holding up in like fucking remastered HD closeups.

Totally. He does. You're right. He holds up on Blu-ray. Yeah. Kind of looks like Chucky. Yeah, He does. You're right. He holds up on Blu-ray. Yeah. Kind of looks like Chucky. Yeah, he does. Yeah, a little bit.

If like you put a Chucky doll on a microwave, it looks like Quatto. And this is super fucking Cronenberg. Do they do it in the remake? Is there a Quatto? I don't know. I haven't seen the remake.

I don't think there's a Quatto. The remake also, if I'm not mistaken, does not go to Mars. It doesn't go to Mars. It's something about the Earth's core. I think they go to China instead of Mars. I literally think that's what it is because colin farrell works in something where he takes a super fast elevator to like the core of the earth and then i was like i

have smoked way too much weed and fell asleep that was as far as like i was him going to work right so it's not like jackhammering which is such a quaint you know job compared to i have to travel to the center of the earth to mine or whatever the fuck they go to china and they're like all this technology it's almost as if people lived here before we got here maybe some other people lived here before we the americans got to china some very marketable from a global worldwide gross perspective, people. Quado never, Quado gets killed, but right when he's supposed to put on his

space suit, I want him to because I need to know, do they both need helmets or can he just, because now, it's one thing Is he breathing the other guy's air? Oh, yeah. Because it does kind of feel It would have been really cute. That's a good Happy Meal toy It does feel like they are two

Totally separate entities Because there's that thing where like Ronnie Cox when he shows up kind of keeps Misidentifying the human The host body as Quado But it's like no that dude's Quado This dude's like a vehicle Does that guy, am I remembering right

He kind of like goes comatose when Quatto's hanging out. Yeah he's sort of like in like a trance or something. He like blitzes out Marshall Bell.

It seems to take a lot out of him. Yeah. There's only enough energy for one of them to be. I love the reveal. There's only enough

budget for one of them to be emoting at a time. The reveal though he's like all right Arnold's like where's Quatto and he's like oh he's on his way and then immediately turns around and it's like

I think he'd sound a little something. It's like the funniest fucking, just unbutton your shirt, dude. And also, but like this steamy Verhoeven over the shoulder slow unbuttoning shot. It's like the kind of shot he's gonna repeat in Showgirls

and basic instinct done to like a decent character actor yeah Cuado stop uncrossing your leg these are characters Cuado is a good actor

yeah it's a shame he doesn't get more big work these days yeah he has a lot of good theater in New York is the voice

who did the voice of Cuado what's the name of the voice actor I think Marshall Bell does both oh does he I believe that is correct. That's cool.

That's actually really impressive. I mean, I took 101 at UCB with Cuado. He was always... He did great monologues. Those were great. But like a lot of... Do you know what's the other thing I saw with Cuado, which is the thing no one ever gets credit for in improv?

I saw him do a Herald once where he never came out during a scene he just played support for everyone oh my god that's the kind of guy he is like he didn't initiate

or even come out for a single scene he was just group games I'm always the waiter and we'll love to be the waiter right because he was just like

I want to stand I want to be the utility player on the back line looking for ways to plus the scene tie the thread it's crazy though never on a Lloyd team

never on a Lloyd team Quado never made a Lloyd team wow that is a deep cut Ben it's been a while it's been a while it's been a while it's been a while yo Quado's murder

was upsetting to me for one reason because that puppet with a bullet in its head looks like a fucking dead baby yeah and it's just laying

on that table like and you're like when you have this adult voice coming out of it, you're buying into the illusion, and then it looks like a fetus. Suddenly it looks like a fetus. I never noticed it before.

I was like, oh, that's upsetting. It's upsetting. But they have the mind meld. Yeah, they do. They hold hands. I love the image of Schwarzenegger having to grab Quatto's little hands. I bet you he loves Quatto. Have you listened to the commentary? Because apparently bet you he loves Cuado. You know, have you listened

to the commentary? Because like, apparently every commentary he's ever done on any DVD, he just describes every scene that's happening. Yes.

Like, he's just like, this is the scene where I have to see Cuado. He's like a guy in his body. You know, like he just describes every scene.

Well, there was a big thing. And I'm sure he gets a kick out of Cuado. You're the man on the Mac right now, so you can Google this, double check this.

And on the Mac. This was like one of the big early Quado. You're the man on the Mac right now, so you can Google this, double check this. And on the Mac. This was like one of the big early DVDs, you know? Because a lot of the early DVDs either like had no fucking special features or it was stuff ported over from like a LaserDisc special edition

from 10 years earlier. I would say this had six DVDs, like six different iterations. A lot of releases. But even from the first one, they put a lot of shit on there and I believe they paid Arnold Schwarzenegger

a million dollars for the commentary. Oh, my God. I believe. It was like a big stat at the time that it was like, we're making big plays for DVDs. Yeah. Commentaries are going to be a big thing. And Lionsgate, I think, had the home video rights and paid him a million dollars for the commentary. I don't have that for you, at least from Googling, because there is just so many super cuts of his commentary.

Sure. I think the Total Recall one though is the famous one that hit YouTube at one point. Now this is me and my best bud Robert Costanza or this jackhammer wasn't that heavy. Oh he looks like an egg that you rolled. Sort of like a barbershop.

We'll get to this later. I've never heard it but apparently the show girls commentary is Paul Verhoeven pointing out background extras and saying which ones he had sex with. No. Why are we doing this director right now? I don't know. It was your idea.

Yep, it was. He had something in this commentary where he talks about how he wanted Sharon Stone to get more naked in that opening scene and she wouldn't do it and then he got her back with basic instinct. The language he uses. That's what you want. Jesus Christ.

Why are we doing this? Let's get to Ronnie Cox. The whole scene we were talking about earlier where Ronnie Cox is like yeah no it was all my idea and your idea we came up with this crazy thing

schemed together that's a prequel movie I want where it's just them in a room getting drunk so much coke just a mountain

we're like no it's gonna be fine so here's what we do wipe your mind it goes it goes all your mind goes Sharon Stone

you wanna marry her like you know what kind of a job should you have iron side's like that's my wife yeah shut up shut up shut up right there's like the alternate like perspective of this movie is that it's like it's about cohiggins like heaven's gate like this was his grand folly and he was like this is the great one this is the one i'm gonna be remembered for all of this to figure out like who the fucking leader of the mutants is like it's like kill a bunch of mutants just shoot him like how hard is marshall bell's always there drinking beer like you know what i mean like round those people up open their shirts and be like that's guano right but of course we

found out at this point that benny's turncoat. Yeah, not this Benny. Not this Benny. Our Benny is constantly by our side. But Benny the cab driver. Yeah, he has four kids to feed. He's not even married. He forgot about one. And he also was revealed at this point that he's a mutant.

Yes. Yes. No, first he reveals that he's a mutant. He's like, I want to help you. And he has a weird arm. But they're like, you can't let this guy in. I like his arm. His arm is really great. It's like a crab person arm.

Very unsettling. Crab people. And then he triple crosses. Then he's like, actually, I'm a mutant who's with Ronnie Cobb. And the triple cross, what he said,

you kind of mentioned the line for a second, but it's very odd because, yeah, he's at the start like, oh, I got five kids to feed, blah, blah. And he says four.

He's like, what happened to the fifth kid or whatever, right? And then he has that line, I'm not even married. I'm not even married. He's like, very odd thing the fifth kid or whatever, right? And then he has that line, I'm not even married. I'm not even married. He's like, very odd thing for 2084. What are you talking about? And Mars. Like, come on. This turncoat

mutant would not have children out of wedlock? What? Stop. He's a Catholic turncoat mutant. Exactly. He's still got values. He's got values. Yeah, so there's this whole scene after the sort of conversation with arnie on the video screen where benny's driving the teenage mutant ninja turtles cars with the

big drill on the front yes to bring krang back into this you gotta get back to the technodrome exactly like you know that thing yes and he's like i'm gonna drill you with this maybe shoot him like with a gun definitely looks like something created by a toy company. And be like, can you please write this into two episodes this season? And then Arnie kills him

with a giant drill. And he says, screw you. Screw you. Oh, that's so good. One comedy point. It's a little sweaty. I give it five.

Okay. That's generous. Sweaty. Ben's cool with it. Yeah. And then after that is when he finally kills Ironside. Right. It's a horrific death. Oh, yeah. And then after that is when he finally kills Ironside. Right.

It's a horrific death. Oh, God. It's really good. It's Mikey. It's the elevator and he's holding on to his leg. And actually, I believe Ironsides can go five rounds with Arnold. You know what I mean? Yes, I agree.

He's a scrapper. That's the thing. He's not big, but he's cutthroat. And you're just like, this guy's got no quit in him. He's going gonna play dirty if you try to punch him he will bite you because his mouth is open that's why his mouth is always open exactly

that's a thing though it's not necessarily that he's super strong like Arnold he just gets hard off of pain and feeling pain not giving out the pain but feeling it like yeah fucking kick me in the balls that's a super power is he wants to be kicked yeah exactly

he's sort of unstoppable in that way because even Ronnie Cox doesn't like him that much he's like he really doesn't plan this guy's a little mush yeah exactly

he's like oh yeah this guy he wasn't in it fuck that guy right and then the last 20 minutes of the movie are just them going

yeah there's a lot he very cleverly realizes that he can do a live long and prosper and fit his hand onto the activator. That shouldn't be a thing that works.

Yeah, it looks like a fingerprint reader. He does not have an alien hand. Maybe Benny's hand could have done it. The grooves are

totally different. Oh, that's what he should have had to do, right? He runs back to the drill car, rip it right off

of his corpse and go and flap it down right on him. And Verhoeven was like, no, too violent. You can't be ripping people's arms, my goodness. But he activates it, and no one really knows. It's like the Omega 13. No one knows what it's going to do.

But then suddenly the air starts coming back to the people of Mars. But it takes a while. As you said, there are 15 minutes of him. But it takes a while. It takes a while. And as you said, there are 15 minutes of him and Rachel to coat him. There has to be a point when your face turns into a cartoon that it can't come back. I don't care when the, like, you know what I mean? I agree. Like, it should have after effects.

Yeah, exactly. Your eyeballs are still bleeding. Your eyes are half out. And I know, I know 100% that the shot is just the earlier shot reversed. But that shot where his bulged eyeballs go back into his skull is gorgeous. It's unbelievable. I really, I love this movie. I enjoy all the crazy violence.

I do struggle a little bit with the bulging eyes. It just goes on for so long. It goes on for so long. So long. And then Ronnie Cox dies in the same way. Right, right. We have him earlier do it. There are two of them there. And we also had at the beginning in the earlier same way. Right, right. We have him earlier do it. There are two of them there.

And we also had at the beginning in the earlier dream sequence. Yep, right at the beginning. So we've seen the gag at this point. They liked that gag. They spent and they, yeah. I mean, yeah, you pay for a fucked up looking puppet like that, man. I mean, you're going to get your money's worth. Three of them.

I mean, come on. But then finally the system boots up and then Mars just starts looking like Connecticut. Blue skies, all the red is gone like i had this crazy thought maybe this is a dream probably not don't worry about it like that's it let's make out they kiss and it fades to white and verhoeven gives himself a lot of credit for the fade to white because he felt like it was more sort of uh ambiguous than a fade to black sure sure sure right well i mean it's like a? Well, I mean, it's like a brighter color. It's white.

It's like waking up, perhaps. Yes, yes. You know? Yes. And the top is still whatever the fuck, you know, movie. I think that's the end. That's what that movie's called? The top whatever the fuck?

Yeah. The top whatever the fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And this movie was crazy successful. Huge hit. They talk about in that DVD. Ebert loved it. Gleiberman loved it.

Janet Maslin said that it was disgustingly violent. That talk about in that DVD. Ebert loved it. Gleiberman loved it. Janet Maslin said that it was disgustingly violent. That sounds about right for Jay Maz. For Hovind's in a pocket now where he's making these movies

where even like highbrow critics are like, fuck, he's good. I shouldn't like this movie. But the guy's a craftsman. Like he knows what he's doing

and there's like some smarts at play here. They talk about in that documentary on DVD that they like had put so much money into this movie. And Schwarzenegger was such a big star. But the concept was kind of like complex for that period of time and hard to sum up in a trailer.

And the awareness was like really low. Like six, eight weeks before the movie came out, no one knew about it. When there was more sort of long lead press for films and they just did like a blitz and spent a crazy amount of marketing in the last two months and got the awareness up to like 95 and then had this massive opening weekend this movie was kind of a cornerstone in like the like front load the shift to like the huge last minute marketing push towards the huge opening weekend and making a movie feel like an event just through omnipresence

like it was just Schwarzenegger, Total Recall, A Picture of Mars I remember the billboards it's just his head it was his head and the planet behind him and it was just like Schwarzenegger's going to space, that's all you need to know but it's also fascinating, this made you know, Boo-Koo Bucks

and this is like a hard R big hats off to you for Boo-Koo Bucks I always am happy to hear Boo-Koo Bucks, and this is like a hard R. Big hats off to you for Boo-Koo Bucks. I always am happy to hear Boo-Koo Bucks. Sure, man. It's great. It's a great term. But to think about it, we were so scared of that

until like, what, fucking Deadpool came out last year? And it was like, oh yeah, hard R things can be mega successful again. We don't have to dumb things down to get that PG-13 to get people in the seats.

And that's the crazy thing about Schwarzenegger was he was this huge movie star and he was very popular with kids and he was mostly an R-rated actor. Yeah. You know, even Terminator 2, which like you can slam it for being more family friendly, it's still an R-rated movie. It's a hard R. It's a hard R for children. Like the whole appeal to Schwarzenegger was he was like the thing that was it made you feel like a grown up

if your dad let you watch a Schwarzenegger movie. You know? That movie is also kind of brilliantly constructed that way too because you can kind of show that movie to a kid

and it's fine. Yeah. You know no one's childhood is going to be ruined because they watched T2. Right. Right. Right.

Very true. My childhood wasn't ruined for example. I wonder if the twist would have been more explicit like it would have a hard twist ending

if it was like 95 like you know what I mean like I feel like the mid 90s were obsessed with like oh it's a movie what's the twist why am I going to go

see a movie if it's not a twist ending so I feel like if this movie is made 7 years later it's like and then at the end it is actually a dream

you know what I mean or I think they would have spent more shoe leather setting up the end it is actually a dream you know what I mean like or I think they would have spent more shoe leather setting up the is it isn't it which I love that this movie is just like just fucking just watch it it's fun enjoy it you like accept the test is it a dream is any movie a dream fuck you

right and I think the key move is that mom's a dream the movie's a straight line right like it just keeps on fucking moving and moving forward and getting more and more extreme but even at the beginning

it's so hyper real just from the casting of these two main actors that's like the early shit isn't any more believable than the later shit

so like you just have to buy the whole thing you know anyway I think it's a good movie we're gonna play the box office game

it won the Oscar for best visual effects just wanted to point that out and think it's a good movie. We're going to play the box office game. It won the Oscar for best visual effects. Just wanted to point that out. And did it win a makeup Oscar? No. I don't think there may, there may not have been one of that. See,

I think this might have been a film that won an honorary. No, it won an honorary visual effects Oscar. Oh, that's what it was. Okay, right.

And there wasn't a category then. No, actually there was. Dick Tracy won it. Weird. Wow. So it won a special commendation? It won a special visual effects Oscar

because I guess there was no visual effects category that year you know sometimes they would do that makeup was Dick Tracy makeup winner was Dick Tracy Cyrano de Bergerac and Edward Scissorhands were the other two nominees weird Cyrano I mean he's got a nose okay I don't know whole makeup denomination is necessary

alright so it opened. This is the box office game, guys. Griffin's going to try and guess the box office. The other movie's at the box office. Of June the 1st, 1990. Wow. Middle of summer.

Yep. It opens to $25 million. Huge opening. It made two, no, that's adjusted. Fuck that. It made like $119 million, something like that. So let's like, I mean, this is 1990. 1989 Batman, I think it's the first movie

to do 40 opening weekend. Damn. So like 25 is still like upper echelon. That's a big deal. That's a big deal, yeah. Yes, so it made $119. Okay, so number two is the third part in a trilogy of movies.

It ends here. Come on. It ends here. Come on. Cause you think you know it already? Yeah. 1990 third part in a trilogy that ends here. I'll say this one's easier than the fucking next one.

Really? You think this is a gimme? I don't have it. I think it is. Yeah, I do. It's, it's an action franchise oh oh oh it's Back to the Future Part 3

bingo guys good job that was like the Godfather Part 3 like it really did same I believe that is 1990

yeah Back to the Future Part 3 which is you know kind of a flop like low key it made 85 yeah you know not great I mean it's still like a lot of money by today's standards.

Are you talking final domestic or worldwide? Domestic. We stick to domestic. What was the final domestic there? Back to the future, $87 million. Which is still profitable. The first one does way over $200 million. The second one does

way over $100 million. one does way over 100. There's diminishing returns. It's the third time you're asking this of people. There also is that weird thing where it's like Back to the Future 1 is a movie that uses time travel as means to an end to tell this story about what if you were the same age as your parents. Back to the Future 2 leans in and is like, what if it's just fucking we investigate all the notions of time travel. Back to the Future 3 is like, Bobby Z wanted to make a western. It's so small in ambition.

And they don't have any bones about telling you that. They straight up will be like, yeah, I don't know. One thing we want to do. We want to put Christopher Lloyd in a cowboy hat. Okay, number three. Number three is a new release this weekend as well. It's based, it's an action comedy with a title based on a Leonard Cohen song.

The title is a Leonard Cohen song. I just like that fact. I'm your man? No. It's got two major stars, male, you know, a man and a woman. And like the poster is like their first names. It's like blah and blah as if it's like we've been waiting for them to be together. It's not Bird on a Wire, is it?

It's Bird on a Wire. John Badham's Bird on a Wire with Mel and Goldie. That's how I remember it because that was always a weird video box that was just like were we all waiting for Mel and Goldie? We were waiting. Supporting performance from Stephen Tobolowsky in that movie.

Really? I've never seen that one. Bill Duke David Carradine. Bill Duke man. I fucking love Bill Duke. Nice little character actor. How is it Bill Duke in Total Recall? That's a great question. Did they have a falling out? Maybe. Fuck. I hope that didn't happen. I hope they're still friends to this day. Are you kidding me? Someone

tweeted the other day. I mean by the time this comes out it will have been 15 years ago. The tweeters dead me? Someone tweeted the other day. I mean, by the time this comes out, it will have been 15 years ago. The tweeters did. But someone tweeted the other day, like in the 1980s, the way he wrote character development

was that one guy in Predator's whole thing is just that he's always shaving. Yes, yes. Like that's like Bill Duke's bit in that movie is the stages of where he's at

and he's shaved. Number four is a romantic comedy that opened in March. So it's been out for three months. It's made $125 million. It's going to make 50 more million dollars. It just hangs out all year. It was the biggest movie of the year. It was the number one movie of the year.

It's ghost. Make me look it up. It's ghost. No, it's not ghost. It's not ghost. Okay. A two hander, it's not Ghost. It's not Ghost. Okay, a two-hander, I presume,

most romantic films are two-handers. It's a rom-com two-hander. No, Ghost was the number one movie of the year. Good call. Home Alone was the number two movie of the year.

And this was number three? Yep. It's a big romantic comedy. 160. Did these two actors do another film together? Yes, they do. Is it a Hanks and Ryan?

Nope. Interesting. I know what it is. It is Pretty Woman. Vicky Gere, Julie Robbs. That's right. Okay. Well done.

Thank you. Yep. That's a Disney film. Yes. I mean, you know, whatever, Touchstone or whatever it was. Yes. Isn't that funny to think about? That's a big deal.

That was a big deal for them that they were like, hey, look, Disney makes movies about sex workers now. Yeah, that are very realistic. Right. It's still, that movie follows the exact classic arc of a Disney movie. It just has different outfits. I think her mom is dead in that movie too. Yes.

Yeah, truly. She's like a Disney princess in that movie. You're right. There's also that talking rabbit. Yeah. She's like a Disney princess in that movie. You're right. There's also that talking rabbit.

Is a comedy starring one of the big comedy actors of the era. 1990. That I swear to God, the pitch is just like, what if this guy had this job? I just don't know. I don't know how to fucking describe this movie. There were too many of those. Exactly. I don't know. Fucking Eddie Murphy.

That was replaced in the 2000s. That formula was replaced in the 2000s by, what if Will Ferrell played this sport? That's what that became. What if this guy had this job? From the 90s, one big search. It's not Eddie Murphy. I assume you use that as a funny example. It's a white man who has a job he should not be holding down.

I don't know. No, he should be holding it down. He's wearing a suit with a tie on the cover and he's kind of going like this. I'm really narrowing it down, right? He's got a mustache. He's got a mustache. Do you need more clues? Annabella Shura

and Fran Drescher are in this movie. As is Laurie Petty, your favorite, Tank Girl herself. Film was not a success. It's a big comedy star. Directed by Roger Donaldson,

the famous New Zealand director. Yeah. So where is this in this comedy star's career? I guess, you know, he's hot. He's hot, hot, hot. But this one doesn't do well. This is a real tough one.

Has he passed his peak? Or does he still have glory days ahead of him? He lives up to the stereotype of this job. Sure. It's kind of a tough clue, but yeah. Oh, oh, oh. If you get this, my mind is blown. Is it Cadillac Man?

It's Cadillac Man. Wow. Starring... He is making that expression in the poster. He totally is. And the mustache and living up to the job. Yeah, okay. I will show you.

Good clues, Sean. The poster is a bunch of... But like, isn't that literally, it's just like, what if Robin Williams was a car salesman? That's the movie you're going to go see. You got me. Is the bit just like, car salesman? They're jerks.

I think, kind of. Are we done? Let's make the movie. Tim Robbins, I believe. So that's your top five. Other movies, you got Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, which is a huge hit of the year. Was the biggest

independent film of all time Hunt for Red October which is a great movie that I love dearly about a nerd who goes to a submarine

he's so nerdy in that movie working title yeah Joe vs. the Volcano oh so there was a Hanks and Ryan in there

that's true yes their least successful effort yeah alright we're done we did it gentlemen thank you so much for being on the

show of course thanks for having us hope you had fun it was nice to talk about a movie are we gonna say the same thing a good movie yeah good fun well I'll leave you with this

they just greenlit a murder on the Orient Express sequel how to be written and directed and starring Kenneth Branagh really yeah congrats to him

so don't worry guys you'll have material for that is it gonna be Murder on the Nile? Death on the Nile that's what they do in the fucking

end of the movie oh really? wait they have a fucking post credits teaser for Death on the Nile? it's the last lines of the film someone comes up to him

someone like the Niles call him are you Hercule Poirot sir? no Hercule Poirot, sir? No. Hercule Poirot is on vacation. He does that. Oh, God.

And he's like, but why do you ask? And he's like, there's a death. I swear to God that's what he fucking says. Does he flip it over and it's a fucking card

of the Joker on it? It's a postcard from the Niles. He says, there's been a death on the Nile. A flair for the theatrical. Like you. He does say there's been a death on the Nile. A flair for the theatrical, like you. He does say there's been a death on the Nile. Dude, we got to go see this movie immediately.

I went to see it. I was sick, like fighting a cold, wanted to be in bed. But I had to do a comedy show with my sketch team, Nipsey, at the UCB Theater. And there was a three-hour chunk of time between our tech rehearsal and our show. I was like, I don't have time to go home and take a nap. I need to do something. Maybe I'll go sleep in the theater. That's how I saw Smokin' Aces. Truly. So I was like,

matinee, I'm gonna pay $8.75 to see Murder on the Orient Express. That's the way you do it. If I don't like it 30 minutes in, I'm writing this off as a nap, and that's exactly what I did. I saw the character introductions, I saw Perrault solve it, and I saw that ending. I have no idea what happened to the middle. I think you missed Johnny Depp getting

stabbed over and over again. I saw his introduction and that's when I said, I saw him doing a lot of business and I said, I need to see it. I'm going to movie pass that one. Can I tell you something? Definitively, you do not need to see that movie. Oh, I need to board

the Orient Express. Board the one driven by Lumet. Yeah. Guys, thanks so much for coming. Thanks for coming, guys. Listen to We Hate Movies.

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