Blank Check with Griffin & David - Watch With Us, Again - Attack Of The Podcast

Episode Date: September 8, 2015

Once again, Griffin and David in a very special bonus episode watched Attack of the Clones (for probably the last time) and recorded their commentary. So cue up that blu-ray and listen along with the hosts as they offer up their thoughts in real time.

Hello. Hi. Yes. We did it. We did it. Okay. We're here after some scheduling delays. David Sims. Griffin Newman. Hi. Yes. We did it. We did it. Okay, we're here after some scheduling delays. David Sims. Griffin Newman. Yep. Connor Ralliff's not here. I think we promised in the last episode he was going to be here. He's not here.

We should have talked about that before. We should have talked about that. He'll be back. He'll be back. We'll have him back. It's just me and Griffin. Passing future guests. These commentaries, it's got to be a two-man job, unfortunately. Because we're getting down and dirty. Yeah, and Ben can't even be here because he doesn't want to do this shit.

We're opening up the hood. We're rolling up the sleeves. Hosley's staying in bed. Most fans won't listen to this, I think. Although we do get a lot of hashtags. We get a lot of hashtags. Part of me thinks... I don't know if we can do the research to back this up.

Part of me thinks that might have been our most popular episode. I've still had people in the last week or two telling me they just listened to the commentary. I get that too. I do. Like, it'll pop up in my feed like, I just finally finished the commentary episode. I think people like the novelty of it. Yeah, I agree. I know people who watched it with the movie and I know people who watched, who just listened to it.

This is Attack of the Podcast. Of course. Griffin did present Attack of the Podcast present attack it's doing a commentary for episode 2 this is the official season finale yeah this is the bonus Jonas yeah Christmas special we're wrapping it up this is the last time we're gonna fucking watch this movie ever again and then we get up three bro yeah we can talk about that avenger the sith okay just found it in my collection i i just hadn't noticed it before yeah i thought it was a bonus i thought it was special features i thought it was so we're watching the blu-ray okay yeah we've gone past and then we made the mistake last time of watching the 20th century fox home

entertainment logo not this time my friend right which is not part of the actual time code that's separate part of the time code so we're a separate... It's not part of the time code. So we're going to sync up starting with second one of the movie. Yes. Now we had a little trouble getting it, so we might be one beat behind on the foxtrot roll. That's okay. But just stick with us. Okay, David, are you ready? We're going to press...

Is it this button? Press play. So get ready to press play. I'm ready. Ready? Yep. Yeah, press play. Oh, ready yeah do it yeah press play okay you don't give me a countdown three oh okay okay in episode three episode two episode one okay that didn't work okay it didn't work so everyone false alarm rewind oh my god all right there we go there we go okay so now we're starting fair play a

second and two is it's probably fine. Sync up with my singing. Judging the judge. I just keep thinking about the movies we're going to do when we don't have Star Wars to do anymore. I'm so excited. We have so many things. Good thing there are only three Star Wars. A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. not even funny it's also eating pizza david's eating pizza

we agree this is always exciting yeah and it's always it's cool that they did it again it's like it's a good idea yeah yeah i like continuity between sequels i mean we've argued that one of the big problems with attack of the Clones is that a lot of ways. It does not have a lot of continuity. No, I mean, Chase Mitchell, our last guest, didn't even know it was a sequel. Maybe Chase is being cute with us. Chase is a cute one. Possibly our cutest guest.

He's our cutest guest. Is that right? Now I'm going through the guy. He's very, very cute. Chase is a cutie patootie. We've only had cute guests. That is true. Yeah.

I mean, you know, like... Rachel. Lang's a real cutie pie. Oh, my God. A real cutie pie. She's so fucking cute. JD's a cute drink of water. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. A little more, you know, something, you know, it's sort of... So, waters run deep with him oh yeah there's a lot going on oh yeah we're not even over the really army of the republic galactic center creating army of the republic to assist the overwhelmed jedi god i wish they they played up the overwhelmed thing i want to see the beleaguered jedi movie well i want to see like like like glengarry glen ross so they're all in the office yeah yeah it's raining out we gotta I want to see the beleaguered Jedi movie. Well. I want to see like, like, like, I'm Gary Glenn Ross. So they're all in the office.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's raining outside. We got to bring in 10 more younglings this month. They're so overwhelmed. Well, they do kind of try to mention it as like, you know, Mace Windu and Yoda being like, ah. Yeah, but not to beat the same drum over and over again. But it's like, you know, the classic like show don't tell thing. Like these

movies, they tell you things. They never show you through action. It's very true. These characters going through emotional crises. I want to start with. You just hear them say plaintively like. Look at these dorks. These guys are so dorky. Alright, so I want to say. Yeah. To start off, remember we talked about it once

before, but one of our listeners made a silent edit of the first 20 or so. I have watched it like 10 times and shown it to all of my friends and all my friends are like, wow, this is cool. And I feel like I didn't give him enough of a shout out because you asked me about it and I hadn't watched all of it yet because you've just shown it to us.

He should do the whole movie. He should do the whole movie. Because he obviously has made some serious edits in that. And if he could get this movie down to like an hour 20 yeah silent no dialogue i think it'd be great limited title cards limited title cards that are mostly kind of cute but it's like only only the things that cannot be conveyed through action the performances are um i mean weirdly we talked about this the performances work better silently oh yeah so much so much better and and they're everything's so overstated because everyone's so uncomfortable that they all read physically better than they read emotionally you know yeah and right and they've got such elaborate costumes and looks

but the design looks better i hate this sequence it's so sterile but i would argue i mean with all the stuff jd was talking about um man that was an episode that when we were recording and i was like is this boring like jd's talking a lot but it's kind of fun to listen back to it's not our best one i've got a lot of really strong no no i think it's just interesting to have him very clearly lay out like you know why you think this looks weird you're right and here's why and jd just fucking knows everything yeah well he does jd is amazing he's crazy he's a computer and he's just but then again he was like texting us at one in the morning telling us to watch the bachelor like he has his weird sort of like sinkholes where he's like don't you

get this is fascinating and where i'm just like yeah i guess so but he does have a group text of us where he sometimes shares insane opinions he does i mean like he talks about it like he's saying like you gotta watch like the americans or true detect you know he's saying it like it's well yeah well and it's like there's such a white gulf because the things that jd recommends are either like it's like very very highbrow or very obscure you know it's like deep cut like trauma yeah or like or mondo cult movies like you need to see or like very obscure kind of like highbrow eastern european art films. Or. Or it's like. Like the Ernest movies. He loves the Ernest. Or basically like kind of like children's entertainment of his lifetime that does not have like a mass market sheen to it, but has kind of a weird individuality to it.

Like Ernest movies, like the Muppets and all this sort of. Well, there's the other reality show he loves. Oh, Utopia. Well, that was kind of an interesting. Yeah. All right. So wait, we're not talking about the movie. We we gotta talk about um we're having a meeting here yoda's overwhelmed there's there's a guy who looks like wald our buddy from phantom metis oh yeah he's a grown-up version kit fisto in the background is a great design great design wish they could have had him even say a word he's he is cool yeah he kind of looks

like an alien from Men in Black with the big eyes and the tentacles. He looks like the grown-up version of the baby. The squid baby. This is Padme Dole's all. This is the infamous Padme Dole's all scene. I need to turn on the subtitles. Look at how frizzy her hair is.

It's the hair being frizzy. Her hair is like kinky as shit. Rose Byrne looking so uncomfortable. Really a disaster. Coyote Medea. His head is such a wiener. It's so funny. I always forget this, but I want to remember it.

Coyote Medea, that dude, that's the voice of Luke Unray. So we should hold him responsible. For everything. Yeah, her hair. When her hair is like this. Yeah. Okay, Tony Sotelo. I'm sorry.

I'm like looking up how to do it because i don't want to pause the movie by mistake this is the very opening of the movie is like you see cool spaceships and something blows up and then the most like fucking like cold fish boring boardroom conversation you know yeah it's not that i don't like dialogue it's just that like look at look how stilted and stayed everything is well and and the thing we're noticing where it it looks

like they're standing in front not of a blue screen but literally of a projection like they're lit wrong yeah the rose burn is looking just in the wrong direction yes in every take like their fucking like second movie or something i i listened to her episode wtf she had only done like independent australian film up until this

point you know so they're like fucking in a real house you know working with real actors look at these colors it's insane and there's just like no depth like everything looks really flat it's like the effect that the wachowskis um purposefully strove for in speed racer when they want to look like a cartoon this looks like that by accident we're like right here they're in the the floating elevator and they're sitting in front of the window there's no sense that they're moving no but that just looks like just a screen behind them that doesn't look like well there's a plane of glass and then behind that is a street and behind that is a building it's not intentional look at how bad his fake beard

is, right? Yeah, you're right. It's really bad. Because you can see the soul patch is like a totally separate piece. It looks like a stage beard. He looks like a Laurence Olivier, you know, like... Yeah. We should speak about that briefly. Oh, man. Look at this. Look how horrible his walking

is. Jar Jar does not... Now you understand why Jar Jar looks the way he does in episode one because giving him a cloak just makes him look more unrealistic. I think it would have been even better though if Jar Jar had had to get right in the elevator and been like, I have a meeting to go to. Just to really hammer home, he's not in this movie,

guys. I'm sorry. You're not going to see me again. I'm busy. I'm so busy this week. I got a full docket of appointments. I just want to say hi very briefly and then I'll be out of your hair for the next week. What's the timeline of this movie? It's about a week, right?

That's a good question. If that. Right? Might be five days. That's crazy. That's true. I never thought about that. And Phantom Menace 2 is also like five days.

Really rapid. Mm-hmm. That's true. It's never thought about that. And Phantom Menace 2 is also. Really rapid. Mm hmm. Look at this. She's smiling and she's doling so hard right now. So is I can't believe I ever fought you on that. Yeah, right. I know. You thought I was projecting.

I have my history of racial complications on this podcast. This guy sucks. This guy sucks. This guy's the worst. What's his name? Fucking eyepatch. What's his name? Get him in the card favor all the time. Captain Typho.

Yeah, he's a horrible card to get. He really is. He's one of the least fun cards to get. Okay, so look. McGregor's beer is totally normal here. Now it's real. Which makes me think that that elevator scene was right at the start no oh you think it was at the end they were just like oh we need some exposition

i think that was like a year later reshoots i think he was off filming moulin rouge was clean cut georgie porgy comes in as like i need you for reshoots i need more humor in the movie let's add some more laughers okay what, what a dead weight. He's being really annoying. He's being so annoying. He's immediately treading all over Obi-Wan's feet for no good reason. Yeah. And they had a fun, light banter in the last scene and now suddenly they're just at each other's

throats. No one seems worried. It's crazy that this meeting is occurring like 40 minutes after uh one of her handmaidens was blown up yes yes like there's basically like brain matter still on her fucking moment when jar jar looks at the camera and smiles is unsane that is unsane unsane. Unsane. I forgot that he unloads on Jar Jar. Jar Jar who he hasn't seen in like six years.

This isn't the kind of conversation you've had with someone you have with someone you haven't spoken to. Why haven't they hung out? Jar Jar and Anakin. Sure, Jar Jar and Anakin. Why not? But like any of them. Why don't they hang out? Because it was a bad time. They don't want to relive that. I mean, but...

Jar Jar's probably calling him every weekend being like, Oh, remember? No. Okay, Zam Wessel, she's a changeling. All of that was removed in the silent cut. Yes. Yes, it was. The silent cut goes right to this.

Yeah, which is perfect. Which is much better. And also, as much as I don't love the visuals, I like this better. I do, too. I like the color you know it's it's it's okay i do too this this set is just one of the worst sets uh yes one here's here's a thing i would say that the uh silent cut corrects is um i find the artificiality of it the the creakiness of the visuals i almost say because i like a certain heightened artificiality when done well and done consciously sure but the creakiness of the visuals i find more

acceptable in black and white which is by nature a more unreal totally medium you know it feels dreamlike absolutely and um i'll get another podcast have you ever listened to you must remember this yes i love it the best it's so good love it i'm binging on it now okay i did the Have you ever listened to You Must Remember This? Yes, I loved it. The best. So good. Love it. I'm binging on it now. Okay. I did the Manson thing first.

I'm behind on Manson. I'm like three behind on Manson. I listened to all of that, and then I went back to the beginning. So now I just listened to an episode about Raquel Welch. Yes. But the way she talks about... It's a great podcast hosted by Karina Longworth excellent please listen to it about silent movies and like what if she gets a huge bump from this crazy yeah I just they've yeah it's the best you must

remember this oh yeah it would silent movies and you know how everyone had this makeup caked on them because the lighting was so bad and like the acting had to be so over the you know yeah you forgive a lot of stuff you forgive a lot of it and talk about this where they're all overly made up and the colors are weird but the one thing you can say for the way this film is they are really made up wow it is very very uh high contrast right it's very contrasty in a way that benefits from black and white i mean look at the use of shadows here it looks weird when there are 17,000 different colors on screen.

It's also weird that it's not so loud. Sorry, carry on. When you reduce it to grayscale, those shadows are actually kind of moody and effective. Chris, is that his name? I forget his name. I think it's Chris. I forget his last name. Go look it up. We'll plug it on credits too.

Look at the sign. Anyway uh he did a great job but he did an amazing job one thing that annoys me plot wise because we should start talking about visuals because we've done that so much rtd2 is a room yeah we're in the uh rtd2 is a robot is that what you just said as a room guard oh he's as a room a room guard um fuck. What was I? Oh, yeah. Plot-wise. I hate this. And I hate this in so many other things, like in Harry Potter. Yeah, okay. Where Anakin's like, I've been having these bad dreams. And they're like, look, it's just

a dream. And it's like, well, the logic of this world dictates that the dreams are often prophecies. So maybe you should listen to him. And it's annoying. Oh, that was a deleted scene that we forgot to talk about in the Chase episode. Go ahead.

In the deleted scenes, there are like two more deleted scenes where he has nightmares. Oh, yeah, that's right. So that when he has the one nightmare. Colin M. Scott. Right, he's Colin It Quits. Colin It Quits on Twitter. Two L's.

Colin M. Scott, thank you so much. You're the fucking best. Yeah, he's Colin it quits yeah I'm calling it quits on trailer to else yes Colin M Scott thank you so much the fucking best yeah oh he's the best yeah so you're the worms are climbing up so let's keep track of things that are the fucking best Colin you must remember this so good running tally what I was going to say is in this film he's saying I'm having know I'm having weird dreams like at the very beginning right right and then an hour and 30 minutes later he wakes up from a nightmare and he's like padme I gotta go see my mom and it feels weird it does there were two deleted

scenes that were cut that are shitty on their own but at least show that the dream thing is a recurring thing and the mom thing's coming back in so that decision seems less out of the blue right maybe they'll return to that in episode three and it won't won't be a problem there at all well you just imagine george in the editing room it's a catch-22 and it's like okay so these scenes this movie is too long this the movie is too long the final cut is too long so

right these scenes on their own are garbage right i can cut them. Every scene that is cut is so bad. Right. And make the movie less boring on a minute to minute basis. By cutting this, I make other developments later on lesser. Now, I should say, this is, according to you, at least at the beginning of this podcast, your favorite part. Like all this, right?

The first 30 minutes? I don't like it anymore. The chase scene and the... Yeah. It's kind of all you're in here we're gonna see Sebulba's JD I miss I know because we don't care he's with another Potter yeah oh yeah he's with he's with another one of them I can't remember one Jedi pooboo yeah that's insane it's like a close I didn't because he's wearing the goggles and he's got a smart right he's old right yeah he looks he looks very dignified for a Jesus Christ

and here I mean really the worst assassin yeah because like all she does is load the fucking worms into a canister yeah she's got a clear shot oh yeah clear shot

yeah I mean what's her goal and then she misses the shot. You call that being an assassin? She's got a clear shot. Oh, yeah. She's got like a laser rifle. Yeah. I mean, what's her goal? I don't know. Maybe she made the shot. I would shoot him rather than shoot the droid that she paid for. That's her own property. I see. Maybe, right. Maybe she wants to destroy the evidence.

That's what you mean. I can see that. I don't know. I love this, by the way. Anakin's so good and maneuvers so well and then at the last second, Obi-Wan lands in the back rather than in the seat. Why not just have him land in the seat? They're Jedis. Look at this. That shot

of him falling is like there's no force to it. It's no pun intended. It's clearly just like Ewan McGregor on a chair holding his arms out and they're blowing a fan on him. God, it's so annoying. Okay, let's talk about that line for a second. That's really the most labored

and they're driving around. They should be screaming in each other's ears. If you spent as much time practicing your saber techniques as your wit, you'd be screaming in each other's ears. If you spent as much time practicing your saber techniques... No, no. Your saber techniques as your wit, you'd be as great a fighter, as great a swordsman

as Master Yoda, is what he said. Now, to your point about they should be yelling right here, they said in one of the behind-the-scenes documentaries that they had to ADR all this dialogue because they had so many fans shooting at

Christensen and McGregor. It looked like the wind was blowing through their hair. All this dialogue was ADR'd, so it'd be so easy for them to, in post, go, hey, remember how it was really loud when we were filming and we couldn't hear you? Speak at that volume. Instead, they're just like, well, you know,

I heard that. Do you have a problem with that line? Yes, I do. That it's horrible. Yeah. Well, it's a terrible piece of writing, but beyond that, and it's beyond like any language, no one speaks like that. No one, no one speaks like that. Beyond that, that line implies if you spend as much time practicing your saber technique as your, as you do your wit, right. It implies that he's funny, which is really outrageous not not just like oh you're a little funny implies that he's so funny that if he committed to practicing his lightsaber technique in the same way he sits down and cracks jokes he goes to open mics and he just fucking grinds what do you

think open mics are like in the car sound? So here's... I don't know. This is like a kernel of idea. I don't know what I got here yet. You know when you got like a Jedi master and he's riding your ass real hard? It's like... I don't know. What am I supposed to do? You know, fucking... Force myself

to work harder? There's something there. I don't have it yet. I'm just trying to work on my wit as hard as I do my lightsaber technique. That's interesting. I hadn't noticed that line Anakin said before. That was very funny. No, no. The thing where he's like, look,

I don't want this guy to die. We should... I want to find out what he's about. He's being smart i don't know it doesn't matter i hate this i hate i hate her is she gonna do the thing where she changes her face for no reason coming up changeling no not just yeah i think it's when they're on it is at a totally random yeah oh yeah it's totally it's like it's just an involunt He's going to do the thing now.

That was some shortcut, Ankin. It's really annoying that they're saying he as well. Even though you get, obviously, they don't know who it is yet. Come on. But she presents as female. Even from a distance. Do we need to carry that into the Star Wars universe?

It's like, oh, it's an assassin. It must be a guy. It feels like they're doing that as a setup for a joke to be like, he's a she. Oh, yeah. Right. Which they do do. And then he's like, and she's double take a changeling. Yeah. But is it that surprising,

eh? Should we not? I mean, David, in their defense, it was a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. That's not a good defense. Just because they have that one piece of text. This is very clearly the future. It's a period piece. It's a foreign film. I think she's about to do it.

Fuck, when did she do it? I kind of like the noise, the Ben Burtt noise. The sort of wail to the engine. The noises are so good. Yeah, that thing. There she goes. There it is. She looks over her shoulder and just changes. It's basically like, yeah, if she puts her head over her right shoulder. a whale the noises are so good yeah yeah that that thing there she goes there it is she looks

over her shoulder and just changes it's basically like yeah if she puts her head over her right shoulder she does it again well there's no rhyme or reason for why it happens in that one moment so this is the first life that's fun when he's just knocking around yeah everyone catches it puts it in the seat That's a bad place to put it. It's just like on the seat. You're in a flying car. It's going to fly out again. Put it in the glove compartment or something. It's also annoying that Anakin's like,

look, I don't want this lady to fry. Let's find out what she knows. So I'm going to jump on her car and swing a lightsaber wildly through the sunroof. That'll work. You know what else is annoying? This whole movie? Yeah, this whole movie yeah yeah yeah this whole movie yeah whole movie is pretty annoying it's just a the movie has a lot riding on introducing you to anakin god that looked really bad this shit really that looked

really that looked like the playstation game wipe out you remember that game yeah um anyway um you know the movie is like it's giving you in it's a whole new character basically like it's got a lot going on it's a really it's right off to the worst foot yeah it is it is a whole new character if you're seeing it i mean there's a big difference between who someone is when they're 19 who someone is when they're like eight of course right and who someone is when they're a slave and who someone is when they're a fucking jedi and two wildly different actors. You can't presume audience empathy.

Already. I think it's dangerous for sequels to walk and just go, well, you love these characters. So you love them still. You do have to do a little, a little like lifting to realign your audience with your characters in a sequel, let alone a character that's changed this much from the last time we saw

him. There's nothing in common with the little boy we saw and hated in the last film. That's true. Did you see that fake beard again? Yep. Right? It looks like straw. He says she went in there and he says he went in there to hide.

Obi-Wan won't drop this. And not to be this binary, but she looks like a lady even with the even with the cloak over the veil that's the word I was looking for but she's like we're just got a nice like like like a little purple good tingle all right so this is course we some of the sports we've got, mod racing, we've got some weird like soccer on wheels. Yeah. Some sort of like Olympic with like trolls, like sort of Olympic sprinter. Olympic trolls.

Weird amount of humans in this bar. But like humans that all are dressed in kind of like an alternative way. Right. Right. Because we've seen like what the standard fashion is on Coruscant. And we're supposed to believe that like, okay, we're in midtown like Coruscant. Right. They spent a ton of time on this ship.

Yeah, there was Achmed Beck. And here's... Alain Sleazebagano. I don't want to say that. God, what a good performance. Best supporting actor. i really don't know what you're talking about uh did you watch that super cut that the guy did where it was like all the different characters at the bar it went viral this week nope this guy took like what do you mean like in many movies throughout yeah he took like 20 different movies where there's a key scene in a

bar and cut them together to make it look like it's all the same characters in the same bar. But he weirdly used this as the like spine of it. So it starts with them walking in here. The idea is the bar scenes are shot kind of similarly and often have a similar color palette to this, which is like, you know, heavy reds and purples. heavy reds and purples. And so they use this, Saturday Night Fever, Scarface, Carlito's Way, the first Terminator when he goes

into the Technoir club. It's a really, really sharp piece of editing and it's interesting. It makes you think about film construction because you can kind of like it's all about having anakin look off in one direction which in this movie is make eye contact with someone right right and if they cut

back to the terminator looking it feels like they're in the same scene no i gotta adjust the color just a little bit kind of any two movies can be the same movie and now back to a changeling um but the point is like every other movie they use in that is a movie that's not only like was successful but is like kind of beloved and iconic and then specifically the bar scene was iconic right and most people who don't host a podcast about attack the clones i think would be hard pressed to remember that there was a bar scene in attack of the clones i mean i feel like that you'll be the death of me line some people i don't know yeah here we are in the jedi council all right a little poop chairs toilet chairs let's see if we can notice blue clown and cockroach face uh who's that guy robbie shankar yeah he's like the yogi um who's that pterodactyl guy god i don't know he's got dumb name it's like i knew all these people i did earlier say that i i could

name probably any background character no some of them are but some of them i've looked all of them up uh i think in phantom menace we could phantom ass i think so yeah uh that's yoda i know that character's name that's yoda uh it's yoda sitting on the toilet chair yep i just forgot that coyote mundi has a ponytail he has a ponytail and he has some cowboy boots but it doesn't look like he has like roots on the rest of his head like it doesn't look like hair it just grows out of the ponytail spot on his head yeah like on the back of the tip of his penis head he mcdermott is really good nice he is I just wish there's more of him he kind of gets like the same

amount of screen time is devoted to him and count dooku combined yes and so he's only really here at the beginning right this is his last scene yeah no that's not true he has like a scene in the senate yes the two of them are doing the same kind of thing they're bringing the right level of like theatricality. Yes, absolutely. Tongue in cheek, sort of like This set is so horrible. It's just poorly designed. And then this set is horrible.

See, look. That looks like a map painting. When those three people in the foreground were just there talking were clearly shot at a completely different time. Like it just feels like they copy-pasted them into the corner, which you know is what they did. I'm trying to remember if this... I like that there's a matte painting behind,

kind of, but it doesn't work with this foreground. The way matte paintings usually work is they build the set out to a degree, and then the matte painting continues it from there. If it's all fucking matte painting it just looks like someone standing in front of a painting.

It's a problem that we just noticed before. We really need to stop harping on it because they get it. We'll never put it any better than J.D. did. I've lost that touch with their putting in the window. I've never seen that before. I never noticed that before. I've seen movie so he's representative binks sometimes i come

senator though right or does he only become senator once i'm a doll is on lee i don't know yeah how do i put this uh i don't want to hold you up, but maybe... Jar Jar, I already regret my decision. Yeah. Representative Binks makes more sense because we brought this up. She's the senator of Naboo. Yep. He also lives in Naboo. Sure. He just lives

in a different part of Naboo. He does. He represents a different race. It's like if De Blasio was the mayor of New York and I deemed myself the mayor of Little Italy. You don't live in Little Italy. No, but I could run hillary didn't live in new york she was our senator are you mad about that yes furious still to this day yeah uh carpet bagger live in a place um i really hate this piece of luggage on the bed dumb it looks like sharper image it doesn't actually look

futuristic. Yes, it doesn't look futuristic at all. What she's wearing is out of control stupid. He's just showing off. This is like him just like pulling his stick out for her. It's especially out of control stupid when you think that she's about to travel. It's crazy. What are you wearing?

Is this like her post-shower pre-lunch dress? Is that what it is? That metal thing she has in her hair is the equivalent of her wrapping a towel around her head. Like, look at this. Yeah. Well, what do you wear when you're on an airplane? How do you dress?

What's your... Oh, I try to just, yeah, comfortably. I don't know. Right? Yeah, yeah, of course. I never get those people who try to dress up nice for a plane. No, I mean, I think that's a bygone era. You know, people would like wear suits and get on the plane.

Now, yeah, no, you want to wear like your raddiest, baggiest, like softest clothing. Right. And it's like, I'm going to feel gross. Because you're going to sweat into it. I fart so much on planes. Of course. Yeah. So it's like when I get out, I'm going to go back to where I get off the plane.

I'm going to get in the shower. I'm going to take off those clothes. Right, exactly. I want clothes that I'm not going to go. It's kind of like going to the barber. But, you know, you save your best shirt for like a good not going to go. It's kind of like going to the barber. But you save your best shirt for a good day of the week. Yeah, of course.

I love this shirt. These are the clothes I wouldn't want to wear any other day. Yeah, because you're going to suffer the whole day. The stuff, the grease stains. What she's saying makes her feel uncomfortable? I don't know. The way he looks at her. It's the way he looks at her. It's his creepy leer eyes.

Dumb movie. I hate this movie. It's the way he looks at her. It's his creepy leer eyes. Dumb movie. Dumb movie. I hate this movie. It's a bad movie. I kind of like that transport ship. Yeah, I do too. The space tram. It's kind of similar to the thing they had in Age of Ultron. Isn't it crazy how Age of Ultron is just now

dead? Last time we were recording this, it had just come out. And now everyone's just like, no. I think it's a good movie. I think people need to chill out. Rose Byrne is just like, just let me, please, pay attention to me.

Yeah. You know, but this is how you learn. It's how she learned. Look, she could make a mistake in clones because it's how she learned look she could make a mistake in clones because yeah it's exactly it is crazy it feels like it roll trons like already sort of like swept under the rug and it is like yep the ninth highest grossing movie of all time people are like dismissing it as a failure and I feel like I mean it's a it's a disappointment that it made 200 million dollars less than the first one I guess so but200 million less than the first one. I guess so.

But the first one was the... The first one was the outlier. Even within the Marvel strictures, even with the movies that came after the first one, the first one is an outlier. Yeah. And it's an outlier in a similar way to Jurassic World where people were like, huh, didn't think it was going to be this big a hit. Sometimes things just catch a weird wave.

Yeah. And Age of Ultron came out the worst time because remember it had to compete with like the boxing match and Furious 7. There was like a lot of stuff that depressed the opening weekend. I don't know. And I know you like Age of Ultron and

defend it heartily. You would not contend it's as good as the first movie. No. Definitely not. it's as good as the first one no definitely not there's a magic to the first move there is i can't deny that but i also think that like i have a feeling we're gonna look back and be like oh yeah you know each of ultron was actually great like and maybe that was a i don't know but in terms of why things catch the flow uh in terms of why things catch box office fire and why they don't, you can analyze it, but Jurassic World was kind of the right movie at the right time.

It's a shitty movie, but people love Chris Pratt. They wanted a dinosaur movie. Nostalgia was at an all-time high for the original. Enough time to pass the bill forgot that the sequels were shitty. Everyone was going into it in the right way. They'll never be able to replicate the excitement the Avengers of were actually putting all going into it the right way. And they'll never be able to replicate the excitement the Avengers

of. We're actually putting all these characters in the same movie. No, of course. Of course. And it works. Maybe they can pull something off with three. I don't think I'll ever have the same power as they did the first time. Probably not. I mean, I remember my buddy Sam would,

when Avengers was in development, would just constantly say, I refuse to believe that movie is being made. And it went into production and he went, something's going to go wrong. They're going to shut it down. It did feel like it was like, come on. How are you going to get all these people? The trailers were out. He said,

it's going to catch on fire. They're going to lose every print. The movie won't exist. Wait, you're talking over your favorite scene. Dexter Jester, my favorite guy. He's not great. This is analysis droids. Only focus on symbols. Huh.

I still can't figure out what his accent is. It's so hard to place. Wisdom. It's quite a question of you on poses there. I never noticed in the back of his head he's got dreadlocks. He's got dreadlock ponytails. They're tied together with a rubber band. Yeah, but he's got the braids on the side.

He's got four separate dreadlocks. I don't like this. It looks bad. He's the best. This guy's like a Sebulba creature. Yeah, he's a dog. Yeah. I think Dexter Jets that the design is great and the actual quality of the animation is terrible it's really bad it's it's playstation one design is fine

pocketbook is i just i don't like this scene because obi-wan is clearly not reacting to anything and he just sort of like i mean that's kind of creepy when dexter gesture is like pocketbook yes and obi-wan just kind of like thinly smiled because he didn't know how they were gonna animate it he didn't fucking know oh god jacosta new yeah jacosta news just like camino i've never heard of it yeah i don't know what you're talking about uh dooku a generous lover what were you saying i just don't get how if a fucking diner owner has heard of camino this lady is like no i don't know what that is i the word means nothing to me so condescending well

i hate to say it but if the system you're looking for isn't in our library then it doesn't exist she's she and states it again it does not exist now she tends to this little boy and the general library is a bit of a bummer too there's just no dust in this world you know that's the problem there's no like i want grit i want a history i want a sense of history everything looks like it just opened yeah everything looks yes um i have been getting a little bit back into harry potter because they're with the story about harry pot Okay, can I just point out quickly that in brackets,

the subtale said raspberries. Yes, for R2-D2 blowing a raspberry. Yeah. It's just funny. I would never describe it as like R2-D2 blows a raspberry. So you just sort of like buzzes at people.

But it's like that's his version of raspberries. First mention of love being foreign. a raspberry. So he just sort of like buzzes at people. Here we go. First mention of love being foreign. Attachment is forbidden. Attachment is forbidden. This backs up the point that I made in our last episode. Compassion, which I was defining as unconventional love, central to Jedi's life, is forbidden.

The point I made was... He's saying it's not forbidden. He's saying compassion is allowed. Right. So you're allowed to fuck around. You're allowed to get nasty. That's what we were talking about. I mean, I think that's what he means when he sort of says attachment is forbidden and then kind of

smiles at her like, you might as well be saying look, don't get too attached. He's giving a preview of what he's got coming up in her career. God. It just looks like shit. But that's my point. Sex is not forbidden for the Jedi. Yeah, yeah. We must not presume that Jedi's are virgins.

How could sex be disallowed when it's an alien galaxy? You know, there must be species that need sex to live or whatever. Oh, yeah, and we also all know that Plu Clun's a fucking horn dog't stop sticking his cockroach dick in anything that moves um this scene is weird love it you like this scene yeah it's interesting did you watch the behind the scenes thing about this no i don't think so the reason why a couple of the kids are cgi as if they have to come

is it because george lucas just thought they were too ugly uh no it's because he wanted alien kids but they didn't want to make the kids sit in the makeup yeah no i mean that that makes sense for such a small scene yeah but i just love that she was like you know unfortunately we had to do all these digital effects for this sequence because the kids couldn't sit in the makeup chair it's like oh god that must have irked george so much i have to do these digital effects for this sequence because the kids couldn't sit in the makeup chair. It's like, oh, God, that must have irked George so much to have to do these digital effects. He really hates that. I bet you're pulling out his teeth telling him,

George, you're going to have to go digital. Gravity's silhouette remains. What are you talking about, Yoda? I like... You think that's a stopper line? Gravity's silhouette remains. It's sort of an interesting line but like it's not represented here it's just a bunch of lights and he's just kind of jabbing his finger

at whatever yeah did i tell you i used to have a action figure of uh the little jedi kids no it was a pack we haven't done toys. Yeah, because, you know, I did more research to back this up. There was a big thing about how much they scaled back the merchandising for Attack of the Clones because they overproduced your Phantom. Did they pump it back? Will there be toy stuff for Revenge of the Sith? Yes, they pumped it way back up. Yeah, it makes sense.

I think we're going to have a good merchandise spotlight. I think this movie, because it didn't make as much money. No. Yeah, they were just like, let's just lay low with this one. This one, they were just trying to get by. Yeah. This is the middle one. It doesn't really have a beginning or an end.

It's not that good, let's be honest. This is sophomore year. Let's just get through it. Next year is going to be hard. Senior year is going to be a breeze. Yeah, we got it. Don't worry. Freshman year is introductory.

Yoda's just like, yeah, great. I'll meditate on that. Meditate on what? On the fact that someone deleted some shit from the Jedi? I don't think that needs meditation. You just hire a guy. Look into it. Do they have private investigators in this world? This is Naboo.

But I had a little action figure set that was Yoda on the floating chair and then the little Jedi boy. I just thought the Jedi kids were... Of course, because you want to be a Jedi kid. I want to be a little Jedi kid. Well, Jesus had me. I'm not sure I was ready

to be the queen of a planet. How are our levels? They seem fine. It's hard to know. Can I have a slice of pizza? Oh, yeah It seemed fine. Yeah. It's hard to know. Can I have a slice of pizza? Oh yeah, of course. Yeah. There you go.

Um, yep. Just, just eat it. You'll be good. I'll be fine. Um, yeah,

we're in my bedroom right now where the magic happens. Eating pizza, watching clones, watching some clones. God, I'm going to have to watch the third one. But not next week, right? Next week we're doing Fantastic Four. Oh, yeah.

We should announce that right here. Yeah, let's just announce that. Next week we're doing the Podcastic 2. Yeah, right. That's your name for it. Yeah. So am I going to have to watch every Fantastic Four movie? I don't know if we have to watch them.

The Corman one is on YouTube. Have you seen it before? I don't know if we have to watch them. The Corman one is on YouTube. Have you seen it before? I don't know if I've ever sat through the entire thing. I've seen lots of it before. I think it's worth watching. I don't know if I'm going to re-watch all of them. I have a lot of thoughts prepared. I think you should re-watch the Tim Story ones though because I think there's a lot of interesting... I'll do it then.

Yeah, even though they're bad. Let's save our thoughts. Let's not even talk about them here though because... I mean mostly inspired but you finally saw the Trank movie. I don't want to tell you anything about what I thought. But you can't have liked it, can you? No, but my thoughts are complex. We're doing the podcastic, too. We're talking about the entire failed history of representing those characters on screen.

That is a bitch move where she shuts him down. She's like, oh, he's not Jedi. Oh. He's a Padawan learner. Apprentice, right? He's an apprentice. He's not a Padawan anymore. He's an apprentice. He is a Padawan. Are you a Padawan until you're Jedi? You're a youngling first.

Then you're a Padawan. Okay. And the Padawans have the braids. Maybe the younglings are always Padawans. Yeah. Well, if you have the braid, you're a Padawan. Okay. And the Padawans have the braids. Maybe the younglings are always Padawans. Yeah. If you have the braid, you're a Padawan. Okay. I'm pretty, you know. So Padawan is just anything on the path to becoming a Jedi. That's the umbrella term that contains youngling.

I think so. Apprentice. Yeah. And then you're a knight, I think. This is a cool ship. I do like that thing that like there's the ring that has the extra thrust. I so and why is he bothers me from a logical perspective yeah and he's just easy to come back pick it up later i don't know and this droid's a basic bitch let's let's acknowledge it oh my god his name r5 i think it's r4 piece of shit so lame all right he got a smart red paint job, but other than that. Landing on Kamino. Another thing.

Like Coruscant, it's traffic. In Kamino, it's rain. There's all this background detail. Yeah, Coruscant's the traffic planet. Where it's like, see? Look at this landscape we built. Well, okay, but really it's like two things. It's the background planet

and then the boring set. Also, choose your battles wisely. See, I gotta... I know I keep on harping on this. I think these creatures look really good. I think these hold up. I think that's decent character animation. I'm just so infuriated by the fact that he walks in

a door. Uh-huh. One door. And it's like, oh yeah, the leader of the planet is in this next room and there's like an inquisitor just walks in goes hey how's it going yeah you're expected and he's not like oh good he's like what like he just landed on a platform on a planet she says we've been waiting for you it's not like there was an appointment for this day at this time that Quintet walked in on. What a shit set. It's not a set. This is Ewan McGregor just standing in a bathroom and then they just painted a thing

around him. Llamasue. Even the mouth movements on these are better than any of the other digital creatures. I like the texture of the skin. I think it actually holds up.

I love how Obi-Wan is supposed to play it cool and kind of listen right now, but barely. He's like, uh, okay. He's not really. Again with this fucking Sypho DS guy. And yeah, he can't.

Okay, also this thing where he's like, isn't he still in... Do they not have like Google? They can't look up like who's on the Jedi Council these days? Here's a really good question. Does the planet Kamino know that other plants don't know that Kamino exists anymore?

Are they just like, we don't have no one stopping by anymore? You know, clone business has been dead except for that one contract we got to provide an army for the entire galaxy. Thank God that came up. Imagine being the head of the Kamino tourist board, tourism board, and just being like, I don't know what to tell you. We're putting ads out there. No one's coming.

We built a new Ramada. Well, that's a good question though. Has Kamina been deleted from the jedi archives is the jedi archive like the archive everyone uses it if he goes to like you know the trade federation archive and they're like you can be over here and like that's a great question does no one just think like hey you know progress is going on the clones great it's in a year why don't you give cypher ds a call just tell him everything's good this is a shot with no digital effects

look how nice it looks it looks great right it's like real water it's wonderful the light reflects off of it this is some estate in italy or sardinia or whatever the fuck um what was i about to say about camina oh not to diminish my main man, Dexter Jetster, but if he knows about Kamino, then fucking other people know about Kamino. That's what I'm saying. Oh, Kamino? Yeah, it's a planet. It's by the something maze, Rishi Maze.

They make clones. They're cloners. Okay. Hey, Jakasnu, have you heard of Kamino? No. It doesn't exist. It must not exist. Have you heard of it? This is the sand. Have you heard of camino no it doesn't exist it must not exist this is the sand have you heard of new york yes it's down the east coast they're bankers there they make bank can you imagine an entire region you're missing the sand sequence yes smooth i touch her hand i've seen so many

times this is the joke i like turn up the volume this is the joke i like johnny williams all looking at each other looking longingly sand it's rough and smooth not like you it's just like i don't i mean i guess she moisturizes a lot the human body judging the judge judging the judge swells and there's like the record

crash now here's my question we know we know padme was up to no good with uh pablo the painter we know that right yep so she's had a deep dickin as as my friend pilot often says when uh you're going on a date she's like you better get some deep dickin she's had an order of the pursuit the brazil anyway so like like clearly the implication, because they get going

fast. They take one train ride together basically. They arrive in this thing. They haven't even like taken a shower yet and Anakin's macking on her. So obviously Anakin is horny as hell, right? He's hanging out with Obi-Wan. He doesn't know when he can jerk off. Like it's bad news, right?

Right? I'm wondering if Padme this is like a very griffin tangent for you to be going on i'm liking this goal like so is padme similarly kind of you know like it's been a while i really want to jump this guy's bones you know he's really cute like do you think that's what the implication of that because they really just get to it yeah i mean you know sand it's coarse he grabs her back and then kaboom. You know, it's the young, dumb, and full of cum stereotype. I mean, at that age, that level of power, that level

of responsibility, you want to have fucking fun. And we talked about so rarely are either of them around people of their own age, you know? And let it be said, they're both very, very beautiful humans. Very pretty. Very, very pretty people. But I feel so gross after I get off a plane.

I don't think I'd kiss anyone right after getting off a plane. Hey, man. I at least want to change my shirt. Here are the clones, by the way. Here are the clones. They're those fucking clones. So we saw little Joshua Logan. Is that his name?

Was that the boy? Yeah. As Boba. Uh-huh. And then we see like grown-up Django eating dinner. There's three different actors no i don't think that's tomorrow i think it's tomorrow he looks a lot younger well let me look it up and then there's this crazy shot like it's just i can't buy it it's this

big thing that show and the movie wants you to sign on for. Which is like, someone has just built an army capable of fighting a galactic war and no one has noticed. Can I say something? Yeah. I don't know how people... They are Niagara Falls. Any army is, if every member of that army has never left a single room. And... Has no life experience.

And is the same. Is the same. You kind of want diversity. If you're making tough decisions in the battlefield, who you are as a person, your sense of morality, your sense of integrity, these things are important. All these people have just been in a cafeteria with a thousand other versions of themselves.

Do you think they make out? Do I think they make out with each other? They have to, right? What else can you do? Maybe that's just not in there. So one out of every 10 people are homosexual if you believe in a binary black and white sexual identity you you have to imagine they're at least like yeah a thousand gay more than a thousand thousands but unless maybe because they are genetically modified maybe they're genetically modified. Maybe they're just modified to like not think about that.

Which I find offensive. If I can say that. It's creepy. Yeah. Okay. This scene. When he tells her that he wants to be Hitler. When he tells her he wants to be Hitler. She looks great. She looks phenomenal. He looks fine too but she looks. But he looks suntanny. Admit it.

He looks like he had to cover up his suntan. She's got this headband on. She looks like a little 60s flower child. She's got these clementine nets on her hair. She has the best placed birthmarks. She is.

She's a very pretty person, Natalie Portman. She does have an intense smile. Big toothy smile. I like it. I like toothy smiles. Hasn't been much Natalie Portman in the cinema recently, has there? No, she's been letting low. Just her Marvel commitments. Does she have something big to say?

She's going on two of those. Since Black Swan, she hasn't done... She's doing a... She's got that Jane Got a Gun thing, which has been in development hell forever. That's probably a future episode of the podcast. She was a producer on that, so I think that tied her up for a couple years.

She had a baby, so she took some time off to raise her child. I know, I know. She's doing a Ruth Bader Ginsburg movie with Neil Heller, which should be phenomenal. I hope that happens. I think it's happening. I think they're doing it for HBO. I think they have the commitment and everything. You're right.'s not called on the basis of sex yeah that's an hbo

thing yeah right i think that's definitely happening uh she's in the new malik movie right which is supposedly coming out this year which was shot like five years ago i say with a mouse and she directed a movie called a tale of love and Darkness that is based on the memoir of Amos Oz, who's a great person. Interesting. I embrace Amos Oz. He's like a longtime Israeli person who's in favor of the Palestinian, like in favor of a two-state solution. He's great. He's great.

So that's interesting. We just missed Django riding on a dragon. Cool. Yeah, since Black Swan. It's just No Strings Attached, Your Highness, and the two Thor movies. Cool. Yeah. Since black Swan, it's just no strings attached. Your highness and the two Thor movies. Oh, wow. And I assume your highness and no strings attached were shot before or

around the same time. Yeah. I mean, your highness, I think was pushed back for a while. Yeah. She's going to be in the next Terrence Malick movie, which is like about the music scene in Texas.

Which that could be crazy. Right. That's not Night of Cups. That's Restless. That's a name for it. It's not officially named. Untitled. Yeah.

And then she's in some movie called Planetarium, which I don't know what this is. And she's in Jane Got a Gun. And supposedly she's going to do a Jackie Kennedy movie. Interesting. Which she's visually suited for. But I don't know. So this is the Obi-Wan Jango. That's a great cut to Boba Fett.

Like with like a sort of oop, oop. Like what could the purpose I decide? Recently. Here's the thing I'll throw out. Not to just keep on harping on these same things right but like if you're composing a shot once you decide what sort of size shot you want we're talking especially like dialogue scenes like this where

you're doing shot reverse shot whatever yeah you find the actors you block the scene based on how they want to play it you know then you look around the environment and you find the right frames using the lines of the space around of course right so what are the lines where the windows what makes a compelling shot what's a compelling frame like you know all this sort of stuff you look at the shots where there are actual physical backgrounds for them to frame with and they look so much better than the shots where they're in front of a green screen that are Close-ups because they don't they're framing off fucking nothing. Yeah, they're just like no you're right Put the guy in at three or your you're right You're right a bunch of green over shoulder and then later they paint in something

Anytime anyone standing in front of a window. It looks horrible It looks like right there when he's just like standing in front of a wall. It's like that's a normal shot That's a normal shot in a movie. What a shitty room too. It's the worst. I really ask for is a room. Even for this movie, I hate this scene from a

visual perspective. I hate his room. I hate the lack of character in it. I hate that they're giving him such a bad deal. Yeah, it's a shitty deal. He did get a son. That's pretty cool. Okay, he paid very handsomely. He's got a son.

He should have been in a place to raise a son. And this is a dinner scene. The magic pair. Like, what kind of shit dinner is this? One pair has been served. Anakin doesn't have a pair. Is that the whole first course? Is that the one you get to see? Is that the custom on Nab one of you can see is that

the custom on the room and they have these weird wine glasses with like metal stems she's wearing like a cyclops visor on her forehead okay i like this detail watch the physics of the pair going onto the fork barely touches and then in her mouth barely takes a bite i remember the first one but i forgot that like she just sort of in her mouth barely takes a bite. It's true. I remember the first one but I forgot that she just sort of opens her mouth and a piece sort of floats into it. It's not even like the piece attaches suddenly because there's a bite taken out of the pair.

They just took the eraser icon and removed part of the pair. Look at what she's wearing. This is just her loungewear. I think this is her first date outfit cyclops visor halter top like this is you know he's he's really not look at that you just don't buy it at all and also like does like, does Obi-Wan is he an idiot?

Did he not pick up on, like... How did he allow this to happen? Yeah, like, you know what, actually, Anakin, why don't you come with me to check out Jango Fett, and we're gonna get another Jedi. Yeah, you know what we should have look over, Padme? Literally anyone else. Anyone else. Because, you know, I have the Force,

and also, you won't shut up about it anyway, so I know that you are totally in love with this woman yeah you know what else like if anakin can feel the disturbance of his mom in pain obi-wan can certainly feel the amount of quote-unquote agony yeah the boner would just fucking call up yoda and go i don't care who it is, send Kit Fisto, send Luminar Unduly. Yeah, well, don't send Plu Pluma. Don't send Plu Pluma. He's even worse. Well, you know what, though? You'll just use her up

and throw her away like he does with everyone. This scene is so labored. Anything is possible, Padme. It is so mind-blowing to me that Rachel Lang, even at the tender age of 12 or whatever, was into this. This dialogue is actually worse reading it than it is listening to it. Yeah, we're reading

the dialogue off the subtitles. If you follow your thoughts through to conclusion, it will take us to a place we cannot go. We get it. Jesus. Regardless of the way we feel about each other. Whoever has responded like that to someone saying, I'm in agony. I'm down to fuck. I'm in agony. If we follow our thoughts

to a logical conclusion, what? But like, I feel like everyone makes fun of this shit and they don't understand how bad it is. No one understands how bad this movie is. We're the only two people who understand how bad this movie is. Even though everyone thinks this movie is bad, they don't get how bad it is. They't no one understands how bad this movie is we're the only two people even though everyone thinks this movie is bad they don't get how bad they even put in the work that we have they really

imagine 13-year-old Lang sitting there like tears well they're very pretty they're very pretty and I guess I think you, when you're that young, there's something appealing about romance reduced only to pain and drama. Right, because you don't get chemistry yet when you're that young. But just the idea of like, oh, the suffering. It's what a story. Yeah. And they sure do talk a lot about how much they're suffering. Look at that pouty face of his.

I feel like he might have been mostly cast off of that. Like, he does give the camera some good pout. Well, look at that pouty face of his. I feel like he might have been mostly cast off of that. He does give the camera some good pout. Oh, he gives good pout. It just doesn't make me a great silent film actor. I just love that. You're absolutely right. I just love this. She's like Lama Sui or whoever, Tan Wei, whatever her name is. It's like, okay,

bye everyone. And then in one minute, he's in like, I guess he has to make a phone call first, but he's pretty quickly in a fight, like a laser fight. Nobody comes out to check on that. Nobody seems to notice. All right, maybe not, because he does have to do the phone call.

No, but still, I mean, we were just in that building. We saw how many windows they have. They have a lot of windows, as they should. They live on a crazy storm planet. They're just sitting in a room. See that chair looks like it's weird to see. It looks very unrelaxed. No,

I was going to say it looks weird to see Windu and Yoda sitting in the same size chairs. Yeah. And in the same position. Cause in the Jedi council, their chairs are different sizes. Yeah. And different shapes. As they should be. Of course. Because in the Jedi Council, their chairs are different sizes. Yeah, and different shapes.

As they should be, of course. And here it's like, you can't tell if Yoda's chair is too big or Windu's chair is too small. What is this room? It's the like, oh yeah, we'll have a communication room. What should we have? Three Ottomans. But this is the Jedi Council. We're not going to need...

No, no, no. Three Ottomans. Nothing else. No desk. No nothing. There's that concept art I told you about where it was designed need... No, no, no. Three Ottomans. Nothing else. No desk. No nothing. There's that concept art I told you about where it was designed for a place where you were the longest.

Yeah, it was just Wall Street. I had to keep coming to my office. Council of Authorized Creation of a Clone Army? No! That's crazy. No, we didn't authorize the creation of a clone army? No! He's like, hey, it's a clone army. And they're reacting as if he's like

saying nothing of note to them they say bring him to us yeah blind we are the creation of this clone army we could not see he's screaming right he's confused he's in the rain he's yelling over he's like they said we had a clone army commissioned by the jed. They go, no, we have no idea what you're talking about. Bring him in. I guess we should talk to him. Okay. But here, this is, I do talk about this a lot. They're like, so that kind of confirms what we already knew, huh?

We're, our powers are useless. But let's not tell anyone. Yeah. Let's never bring it up ever again. And if we tell anyone else about what's going on. You know what? Red alert. Clearly there is a vast

enemy we should confront. And if we tell anyone else about what's going on. Our adversaries will multiply. It's like you're exposing your weakness. And that's... I forgot about this. This is the best shot in the movie. Maybe.

And I can hang him down. It looks like he's just taking a leak on the balcony, doesn't it? It looks like he's taking a leak. I like the idea that she thinks that he's this, correctly, annoying teenager. Right. Who has an annoying crush on her. Yeah. But that he does have this reflective side that's in his training, basically.

He has to meditate yep he has to be all serious he had another nightmare last night should i still have nightmares i heard you how did you hear him through the fucking marble you fucking creep god those are thick walls those are some thick walls. Thick ass walls. Pow, pow, pow. It's crazy. One shot looks fine and then the reverse shot looks like garbage. Right, but it's about how much...

Of course, it's about the background. Yeah, that's fine. That's fine because everything in front of her, the real light is hitting those objects. Her face in this whole scene right now, it looks like this was just camera blocking. Yeah, well, she doesn't respond to it. She's not responding to anything. He says things like, I had a vision of my mother. I had a nightmare.

I could see her. It's a prophecy. Whatever the fuck. She just looks at him like he's saying scrambled eggs, two sausages. Okay, Natalie, and just look off this way. Okay, and just hold on. Just one second. Staring straight into the camera.

Okay, this scene is kind of cool. Django flying, shooting, sabering rain. Because we've never seen saber versus gunslinger, really. What an unpleasant week of shooting this must have been for you and McGregor. That's serious. Where you're just in a green screen studio by yourself and then throwing water on you. You know? It's very true.

I hope it was well compensated. I've done shoots in extreme weather weather conditions but you're with other people yeah of course and the weather conditions are extreme because you're in nature and nature is giving that to you but to just be like okay we're gonna put you in a warm studio in australia and then pour a bunch of water on you dump buckets of rain you know would you say that this film series helped or hurt his career because you m gregor's career never quite reached what you would have thought considering the hype of his early you know years yeah i would say it was a net zero do you think so yeah because i think he was on a really um interesting track as sort

of an art house leading man yeah and a studio character actor yeah and then this made him put him in sort of the category of like the big mainstream leading guys kind of for studio film he was never yeah but that's the thing he got viewed in that line and so there was like eight years where he was doing all the wrong things yeah because people had the wrong impression of how to use him i think he's gotten back on track a little bit in the last couple years. Has he? Yeah. It helped him. It made him...

It greatly improved his exposure. Did it? Yeah, it did. Imagine if he hadn't made the Star Wars movies, but Moulin Rouge had come out. I don't think he would have gotten Moulin Rouge had he not done Star Wars. It's possible. I contend.

That's a fair contention. You have to think, they gave him the part in Moulin Rouge. I just want to do him. When everyone thought he was going to be a huge movie star because of Star Wars. So he's in Shallowgrave in 94, and I don't know if you've seen Shallowgrave, but he's great in it. And he was sort of noticeable. Like, oh, who's this

handsome young man? He bounces around in the british movies obviously makes train spotting which is his big break double boil he makes some stuff like the pillow book and you know he has a supporting role in emma and brass off like these sort of like you know cute but forgettable right he's like a handsome young boy yeah he's in an episode of er i don't know if you've seen it really good episode oh wow centered on his character. Okay What year is that? 97? Okay, I think it's season Three He's like plays this guy who holds up a convenience store when nurse Hathaway is in it and she's which one's her

Margoly's, yeah, okay. It's a good episode. It's called the long way around. I'm an ER fanatic Margulies? Margulies, yeah. Okay. It's a good episode. It's called The Long Way Around. I'm an ER fanatic. He plays a petty criminal.

Yeah. And then there's like, he shoots someone, she has to like stabilize the person. Okay. You know, it's like a little drama. Okay. It's great. It's just, it's great. Great episode. Yeah.

And you got Life Less Ordinary. Oh, right. The final Boyle collaboration. And now on bombs. That's him and Cameron Diaz? Yeah. Right. And that was-

And it's heavily marketed in America. They think it's going to be- That was going to be a mainstream play. And now on Bombs. That's him and Cameron Diaz. Right. And that was... And it's heavily marketed in America. They think it's going to be... That was going to be a mainstream play. And it goes nowhere. Right. You got Velvet Goldmine, which I'd say he's terrific in. Agreed. Robot Richter on your on-screen. Oh, God. And then you have Little Voice, where he's...

He does that too many times. Or he just plays the nice boy. But David, let's point out, as we know from behind the scenes featurettes, he gets cast in Star Wars 97. Yeah. So it's around that. I know what you're saying. By the time he's on ER, he's probably already

not in the part of Star Wars. By 98, he's filming it. By 99, it's out. So there's like... 96 is like the end of first era Ewan McGreggregor a lot of these parts he's getting from that are people like hiring him because they think they're gonna get the post yeah phantom menace boost water look at water oh god what a sad husk of a man he's become he misses them so much he misses his exhibit team he misses his slaves and. His beard looks good. There's some dramatic pause.

It's actually... And his little hat. He fixes the probe droid for him. Were you the one who told me this? Or did I look this up? That they wanted him to have the hat in the first movie, but they couldn't get it right in time? I don't think I knew that.

I like his jaunty little hat. Yeah, so that was like... The hat was part of the design for the first movie, but it was too complicated. The effects weren't there for the hat. No, but it's good, because it's what's different about him. He got little hat. Yeah, so that was like, the hat was part of the design for the first movie, but it was too complicated. The effects weren't there for the hat. No, but it's good because then it's what's different about him. He got a hat. He's got a little hat. He doesn't fucking know Shmi's

name. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi.

Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi.

Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi.

Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi.

Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi.

Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi.

Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi.

Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi.

Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi. Shmi his nose is such a little pee pee the way his nose moves it's like a little it moves great it moves great the physics on the nose are great and the beard is great god he's such a good character actor she looks like a nun she looks 50 years old now we're back to i'm ewan mcgregor so he's in eye of the beholder right with ashley judd i believe that's you know in that sort of like crazy weird sub-genre of ashley judd sex crime movies there's like four like in like four years what year is it no it's 99 so that's like and i think that was a

fox movie so that's definitely them being like we got this guy he's in phantom menace that's going to be huge let's put him in other movies this was an official selection at the phoenix film festival that's crazy who directed it stefan elliott someone i've never heard of anyway it doesn't matter and then he's in nora which he plays james joyce that got nowhere and then willan rouge which you feel like should be the start of his yes like you know that's like he's such he's such a sweetheart in it it's such a big performance but very winning definitely a part he got because he was in phantom menace i would contend that's fine in terms of like major studio financing and that was fox as well i mean i really like him in blackhawk he's very good in blackhawk i think he's

great i'm not a huge fan of blackhawk down i think he's really good i am a huge fan of black hawk down and i also think i i have a hard time uh with war movies in general love war movie and uh with that much combat i think it's an exquisitely made film so good i i have a hard time engaging with that much combat i think that movie that is my own failing not the feeling no it's fine it's fine i mean people criticize that movie for dehumanizing its villains, but I think that's the point of the movie is that these soldiers have absolutely no concept of the world they're engaging in.

Yes. I do. I mean, I'm a staunch defender of that movie. Attack of the Clones, down with love. He's so fabulous in Down with Love. It's such a great movie. Love it. So you feel like he should be really rising to the cream of the crop. But none of these movies do very well.

They don't do well. This is the problem. Moulin Rouge doesn't even do that well. It's more of a critical hit and then a DVD lifer. It did okay in the box office. It did okay. It did better over 50. Soundtrack sales were good good it came out in may

it's a lot of australian but that was like seven months later that sort of rebounded its opinion you know yep um it's all true and then he's got you know he keeps making these really weird down with love's a big bomb is notable yeah he With Love, tying into next week. Down With Love, the failure of Down With Love leads to the immediate shutdown of director Peyton Reed's Fantastic Four. Is that right? For some reason, I thought he jumped from Fantastic Four to Down With Love. Maybe I'm wrong. No, he had Down With Love at Fox.

In the cans, right. Fox had Fantastic Four. He pitched on Fantastic Four. They were high on Down With Love. They thought it was going to be a big hit. They did. Down With Love came out in like May. It was like a big summer release.

Yep. Renee Zellweger was at her peak. Her quote unquote peak. I'm getting over a cold. And he had that ready to go on the Down With Love bomb. They kicked him off of it. And two years later, the Tim Story movie came out. Yeah.

Peyton Reed's Fantastic Four was going to be set in the 60s. Well, we're going to talk about this next week. Yes. Anyway. I'm just want to point out, I'm mixing this in. He mixes in these British indie movies like Rogue Trader and Nora. He makes this movie Young Adam, which I think is a decent like little, you know, and he's got Big Fish. Another one that like

I'm, you know, I used to be a real Oscar watcher. Like, you know, that was in of the three movies that year everyone at the start was like this will be huge. This is going to get a zillion Oscar nominations. This is going to be Tim Burton's big break as a sort of academy acclaimed

type. I'm a big fish. I love that movie. I like that movie. I think it's underrated. I saw that movie maybe seven times in theaters that's crazy that's insanity it's the only movie david it is the only movie that makes me cry every time i watch it well the ending is it's the best part but the way it builds it it's everything i care about i i'm a big defender of tim burton um i i think that's a big turning

point in his career i feel like if that movie had he made alice in wonderland what is a disaster oh god it's so bad i think if that movie specifically had landed the way people like you expected it would right he would have kept making those kinds of movies yeah that's fair and i think the last like seven years of tim burton have been very cynical and regressive yeah because he kind of is like i don't know i guess you want me to do this i also love big eyes i didn't love big eyes but i it was okay the problem i i have i have a lot of thoughts on big guys i think people i think that's weird get angry at tim burton for quote unquote doing the same thing all the time. But they also don't go see his movies where he does things that are different.

Big Eyes was never going to do well. Agreed. Big Fish could have done well. Yes. It's weird that he made two big movies. Right. He also made Big. Alice in Wonderland made a billion dollars worldwide. Oh god. That movie is

I don't remember anything about it. And Big Eyes made 20 million dollars worldwide. Oh, God. That movie is... I don't remember anything about it. And Big Eyes made $20 million worldwide. And everyone went to see Alice in Wonderland and went, uh, fucking Tim Burton does the same thing over and over again. And he does something different and they don't go see it. I don't think Big Eyes is that good, though.

It's so broad. I like that it's broad. I like that it's weird and, like, melodramatic. I liked it okay. I liked itramatic okay i liked it okay i liked it a lot i it has this problem that i actually think christoph waltz isn't bad in it at all but it is this thing of like where she's like i guess i'll marry you and you just are like it's christoph waltz it's very up like he's doing the same accent you don't want to marry that guy it's like because he he's combining all his

filmic influences. It's a domestic drama. We haven't talked about this movie for 15 minutes. But it's a cast that did it to Mario Bava. Like, you know, fucking high contrast, crazy, over the top horror movies.

It kind of peters out. The courtroom scene is sort of fun. I love it. It's good, but the movie is so staked on that climax. Yeah. And you know, here's Joel Edgerton. I need to see The Gift. I love him. Ooh, so you haven't

seen The Gift yet? No, I need to see it. I loved it until the last five minutes. Well, this is what I keep hearing. People are wildly all over the place on the ending. I still... Was it all a dream? No. Okay.

It was all a nightmare. No, I still like it. Yeah. I think it's a very good first film. I think he is building to something really interesting and the ending undercuts that. We should talk about it, but I gotta see it. Have you seen a Shaun the Sheep movie? No, I don't want to.

I love it so much, David. Yeah, but you like the Aardman stuff and I don't actually really like the Aardman stuff. What? Yeah. What? Do you know that Shaun the Sheep is a silent film? That's cool. That has zero lines of dialogue. I don't know anything about it.

That's cool. I like that. David has zero dialogue. That's great. Does it have like noises? Doesn't it have intertitles? Does it have like noises? Yeah.

Yeah. They make sounds. And the humans like mutter. They go like... How long is it? It's like a brisk 75 minutes. That's that I like. It's like a cute running time.

It's like an adorable running time. Oh, yeah. Is it Claymation? It's Claymation. It's all a brisk 75 minutes. That's that I like. It's like a cute running time. It's like an adorable running time. Oh, yeah. Is it claymation? It's claymation. It's all claymation. This shit takes forever. I mean, that's another reason it's short. Yeah.

But it's a very simple story. It's very sweet. It's very funny. And it's cinematically, because it's entirely visual, and there's some, you know, it's a simple story, which I think is to its credit. Yeah. And there are some, you know, it's a simple story, which I think is to its credit. Yeah.

But it actually has some complex emotional ideas. And it does a lot of very progressive things very, very quietly. Okay. And it's all done with a simplicity and grace through the dramatics of movement. There's so many movies I need to see. All right. I'll see Sean. It's the best movie ever. It's not.

But okay. You know what's the number one thing I hate about them? What? The title is infuriating. The's the best movie ever. It's not, but okay. You know what's the number one thing I hate about, though? What? The title is infuriating. The Sean the Sheep movie? No, because technically it's just called Sean the Sheep movie. It's missing a the. Yeah, that's just grammatically incorrect.

Look at this thing where it's silhouettes. It's a weird choice. It's a weird choice. It could either be the Sean the Sheep movie or it could be Sean the Sheep colon the movie. It's Sean the Sheep movie. I just want to point out that in between Big Fish and Star Wars Episode 3, which I can't believe I never noticed before, there's only two animated films, Robots and Valiant. Okay.

In which he's the lead both times. Yes. Do you think those two movies were annoying to each other? They were like, wait, who is your lead to? Wait a second. He's our lead. Like, oh, come on. Both out in 2005. Something interesting here.

So he gets Phantom Menace, right? Sure. In like 97. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Okay. Life Less Ordinary was released by Fox. Okay. Who at that point knows that he's playing Obi-Wan Kenobi. Right? I The Beholder Less Ordinary was released by Fox, who at that point knows that he's playing Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Eye of the Beholder was... I think it was Fox. It's not noted. Gonna have to look this one up. Well, let's just yeah okay well silence is golden i'll look that one up but one rouge is definitely fox i think black hot damn sony oh it's sony okay uh obviously attacking the fox down with love is fox big fish is sony robots is fox yeah and the revenge of the so in the time between fox like really doubles down on that's true they really try to make a guy and almost all those roles are like even something he's good in like Black Hawk down which which wasn't

you know either like the movies don't work or he's just not the thing you remember from it or it's not the right fit for wait the island yeah just DreamWorks I believe. Because it was Bay leaving the Bruckheimer. Yeah. It's the one Bruckheimer didn't produce. And of course, Bruckheimer always makes fun of the fact that it's the only Michael Bay movie that didn't make any money. Right. But it's a good movie. Oh,

I do not like that movie. I mean, I don't like it either, but it's better than, like, a lot of Bate Bruckheimer movies. It's at least trying to do something. That movie, that movie's fascinating. i'd like to watch it again because it is all right go ahead no what what do you find fascinating the fact that it's like completely underwritten by advertising and endorsements and that's very prominent in the first half of the movie yeah and no i mean the whole movie don't take it sure and like

i don't know something something something something it says something about our society I don't I haven't seen it since I saw it in theaters And then you've got you and McGregor doing a dual performance, which is just sort of hilarious I remember thinking the first performance is terrible and the second one's great. I don't remember the first one I remember the second one. I remember yeah, you're I know you mean Yeah, the lead role I think he's really bad, the lead role, I think he's really bad, actually. And the second character, I think he's really funny. That movie was very expensive.

Michael Bay had not had a flop until that point. And when the movie bombed really hard, I remember DreamWorks saying, we bet on the stars of tomorrow instead of the stars of today. And their point was Scarlett Johansson, Ewan McGregor, oh, we all agree they're going to be big movie stars but they're not big movie stars yet and scarlett johansson she was i think 22 at the time they made that and is now a big star and she's coming right off of loss and translation at that point she wasn't a big like mainstream matinee no of course fucking

action star and now she is yep much everyone's surprised for a while there looked like that wasn't what she was going to become and she has. Between the Marvel films and Lucy she's become both. She's the best because she's an action star and she's like the indie queen of our generation and I love Scarlett Johansson. Me too. But I think that movie is an interesting nail in the coffin for Ewan McGregor

because they said Star Tomorrow. He at that point is like 12 years older than Scarlett Johansson. He is the nail in the coffin. He had been in three Star Wars movies. If it was going to happen in that kind of way, it would have happened by then. And I think it was conclusively like, this isn't the kind of film that he does well in.

He doesn't do his best to work in this movie. People don't like him in these types of movies. Get him back in small shit. There's a quote that I remember someone said, it was some review of Beginners, where they said, Ewan McGregor is one of the best leading men alive as long as your movie costs less than $10 million.

Yeah. Wait, I just... Here's the... This is the shrink. Oh, gosh. That's actually upsetting imagery. It's really kind of upsetting. For a movie that's so artificial.

It's like just... You don't need to show her looking. Yeah. It's jarring. She's strapped to this thing and obviously like kind of a sex slave or something. No, not... you don't need to show her looking yeah and the fact that she's strapped to this thing and obviously like kind of a sex slave or something no not or something

she's a sex slave what else would they be doing I don't know they're just beating her for sport but anyway the implication is clearly that she's a sex slave I hate this scene they're Tusken Raiders yeah the Tusken Raiders are pretty problematic. Problematic.

Anyway, after the island, as we were saying, it's over. It's over. He makes stay in the movie. Makes no money. That was a big Oscar hope. That was like a hot screenplay. It is so fucking bad. Gosling was like the up-and-comer guy.

It has the most annoying twist. They thought that was going to be a big Oscar. It wasn't. So hard. He's in Alex Rider as Ian Rider's, as Alex Rider's dad but that movie went nowhere. That's a very popular series of books in Britain. I'm aware. My sister

had a big crush on Alex Rider. Miss Potter. He has this string of playing castrated uh yeah like uh men opposite in like lady by effect so yeah miss potter he's in cassandra's dream which is an interesting weird little movie i still never seen it i uh more and more read a lot of people defending that it's not bad yeah i don't really get why you defend it except that it's better than match point and on similar lines. It also was, if I'm not mistaken, Woody Allen's single least successful movie of all time.

Was it even less successful than You Will Meet a Tall Dark Strange? Oh, no question. It's undoubtedly the least successful in the last 20 years. That's crazy. I can't remember if one of the ones from the late 80s did less than that. Yeah, it made less than $1 million in the United States. That's crazy. He's in a movie called

Incendiary, which I only know or is it Deception? He's in multiple movies with this show. It's the Hugh Jackman one. Deception. Okay, because Deception I know was It has a lot of hot sex. Hugh Jackman really liked that script for some reason

and forced Fox to make it as part of his payment for X-Men 3. Why? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was some weird backstory in that movie. No, I get you. God, what a weird thing to spend your capital on. All right. What's he doing?

What's up with his career? Okay, now, we disagree on this. I like him a lot and I love you, Philip Morris. You hate that performance, right? No, I don't hate that performance. Oh, it's Joe Reed hates that performance. Yeah,'t remember i don't that movie is okay i like that movie i think this is the thing he starts making these small he's in he all right fine he's the villain of angels and demons but that's yeah i mean no one watched that movie and who's derrick

goats it's a lot of movies when he's like the third lead amelia where he plays he plays no gorbidol's dad he plays gene but yeah you see gorbvidal's dad. He plays Genevidal? Yeah, you see Gorvidal. Have you seen Amelia? It's terrible. No, I haven't seen it. And Gorvidal is like a kid but even then they're like, let's make sure everyone knows this kid is super gay. It's really annoying. That gore, always getting in arguments.

It really is that. So I feel like Amelia is the final gasp of that. And then after that... Do you know a quick sidebar the Gore Vidal is my mother's godfather no it was like like a status move for like he was like a casual like social and they were like what's up yeah and like of course 80 different people chose that so like my mother never I think saw him sure ever but like my grandmother always brag like well Gore Vidal is her godfather.

He's at, like, 80. Look at R4. R4 sucks. Okay. What comes after Millie? Well, then I feel like he starts doing more, like, okay, I want to make movies I want to make. So, it's like...

Annie McPhee returns. No, Annie McPhee returns. That must have just been a favorite. Yeah. Because all the English actors, like, hang out, I think. Goddammit, Thomas. She wrote that. That's her passion. And like if you're if you're not in harry potter you were in star wars and then they all sort of get together yeah so you got the ghost

writer beginners good and actually yeah beginners which he's good in salmon fishing in the emin which i get on my face haywire which uh he is the final villain in which is a really strange choice but i liked him a lot in that. I find that movie incomprehensible. I love that movie. I could not follow what was going on. It's hard to follow that one. I found it impossible to follow. It's not easy to follow. I'm not usually that confused

at a movie, and I love Soderbergh. I don't dislike it. I don't like it. I just literally could not understand what was happening on a moment-to-moment basis, but I thought he was good in it. The Impossible kind of sucks, right? The Impossible is horrible. I haven't seen it. I didn't want to see it because happening on a moment to moment basis. But I thought he was good in it. Yeah. The Impossible kind of sucks, right? The Impossible is horrible. I haven't seen it. I didn't want to see it because I knew it would make me angry.

Jack the Giant Slayer I have not seen. Do you know who that movie doesn't need to be about? Jack? No, I'm sorry. The Impossible. I was the second one. Oh, white people. Yeah, no, I know.

I know. Jack the Giant Slayer. Why was he in that? I heard he was fun in that. Is he? What is he? He plays like the arrogant, like Errol Flynn type. I don't think that anyone saw that movie

or that it exists. No one saw it. But I remember you saying I don't think that movie. If you walked into the theater and bought a ticket for that movie, you'd win the contest. It's just so weird when this happens, when Bryan Singer is like, you know what? Give me $200 million. I'm going to make

a Jack and the beanstalk movie and they're like sure that'll hit that's a good idea like why isn't there a good and whatever crazier elements of that movie he really wanted to direct first class but he had jack the giant slayer in development and warner brothers would not let him out of his contract they said fuck no you're not going and making x-men we We need you to make Jack the Giant Slayer. We're not letting Fox take away our business. We need Jack the Giant Slayer. They just could have let it die.

They could have just saved money and not made the movie. Whatever. August Osage County. Son of a Gun, which I never saw. Mordecai. It's a terrible movie. It's a Mordecai. We haven't done a Mordecai episode because I haven't seen it yet.

Because you know what? I'm always a little resistant to the things that Twitter hops on. This year it's been Mordecai and then Minions. These movies where they don't even know what the movie is or if it's bad, but they just see trailers. I mean, Mordecai is obviously bad.

Mordecai is... You're just laughing at Mordecai is obviously bad. Mordecai is... You're just laughing at Mordecai right now. He's a part-time pro. He's got a mustache. I just don't know what anyone was thinking with this one. He's such a cat, David.

Classic Mordecai. There he is. thinking with this one. He's such a cat, David. Classic Mordecai. There he is. There's Ewan McGregor at the premiere wearing like a... It really isn't. I know, I think Q and I are the same way. Sorry, IMDb's

screen cap of the trailer is Johnny Depp making the most horrendous face. He's on the hood of a car. This is the thing. Okay. Ewan McGregor made a movie this year called Last Days in the Desert in which he

plays Jesus. What? This movie has not been released because no one has picked it up. It was at Sundance? It was at sundance it was at sundance and it got perfectly good respect you know rodrigo garcia who's a really good director and no one's talking about it no one my my the managing editor of the atlantic who writes about religion she doesn't write about by the way this is the scene where annick tell padme that he killed all this scene is fucking garbage this set is terrific though um and she was like

why is this movie not coming out yeah and i didn't have an answer for except like i mean no one picked it up at sundance and sometimes that happens and then like it is that weird sundance thing where the longer you get the less hot your movie looks even if it's good so i don't know if the movie's good or bad but it is kind of crazy that ewan mcgregor made a movie in which he plays jesus and no one's even fucking releasing it. You'd think it would get a little bit of attention. I'll say that movie Infinitely Polar Bear, I think

came out two years after the worst title in the world. The worst title in the world. It came out like two years after Sundance because the same thing happened where no one bought it there. It got cold and then like a year later. Someone finally got it for so cheap. Yeah, you get it for nothing right

Clay Lars what a good performance no great performance I know but you you you were just you just would not stop talking about it I just had to give it up look at his missing leg alright so we have to get back to this movie okay so we've been talking not about this movie for a long time I think because this movie

just becomes so unconscionably boring oh this is the thing watch I was gonna tie everything in back together okay mordecai this is what we're saying we're saying film twitter likes to pick these things right they make not film twitter twitter weird twitter comedy twitter and weird twitter we're not film twitter is not like that film twitter is going crazy about jeff walls and the bear and carol is going crazy about Ehrlich loving Carol. Yeah, Ehrlich loving Carol has become the recurring joke of this month

on Film Twitter. Film Twitter is like backlash to the backlash to the backlash to Force Friday think pieces. I don't care about that. That's like nerd Twitter. That's like Devin Farachi. Who interacts with Film Twitter? What's his name? German Lucier.

I know. I know. Who's got a BB-8? Who doesn't have a BB-8? who interacts with German Lucier. Broke for io9. Who's got a BB-8? Who doesn't have a BB-8? The problem with that piece, which I read, it's direct. I just realized we can't talk about any of this. Why not? Is someone going to be on the podcast? What are you laughing about?

Oh, right. Because of the fucking prequel shit. Because of our rules Cut that out Ben Anyway Let's talk about your father's financial Just to say the problem with German Lucier's piece Which we don't need to talk about in detail

Which was about buying some non-script toys He's like The piece is like I got to Toys R Us I waited in line and then there were no toys On the shelf There's not enough to it you know It's a dull piece to Toys R Us, I waited in line and then there were no toys on the shelf. There's not enough to it, you know? It's a dull piece.

Mostly you're just like, okay, well it sounds like your Toys R Us is no good. I don't know. Get a better TRU. Yeah, who cares? He did have the amazing sentence, the pops were decimated. He very dramatically described it. This is the other problem. I'm keeping

some tabs on that movie that we can't talk about. I don't know every single fucking character's name and I'm not paying as much attention to the merchandise and shit. A lot of that went over. Let's not talk about that anymore. Mordecai. This is what I was going i was gonna say okay the comedy twitter you and i

i think are on a very similar page we don't like to fucking make jokes about things like that yeah mean them if we haven't seen them right agreed you gotta do the fucking time yeah of course you know what's the what's the joke you're just making jokes about advertising right exactly yeah and it's like bad movies have been advertised well good movies have been advertised poorly yeah i mean obviously look if you're gonna watch a mordecai commercial crack a joke or two i get it the thing is asking for it i get it it loves a cracker and minions was like everywhere and i get that it gets annoying and i get that the internet is obsessed with minions six months bits and like fucking extended out my problem with the minions thing can i say really i hate the minions me too

because the minions thing is just the shrek thing it's the exact same thing which is shrek with shrek it was funny yeah because it was a movie that wasn't out anymore right and it was just especially strange yeah and to imagine this subculture of shrek people right

yes minions is out like who cares it's not even surprising that kids and weirdos in america like minions it's like it's a dominant franchise well that's my problem with it is that like at the time that all these weird twitter kids are going like oh minions i'm liking minions ironically the thing we put 300 million dollars right shrek is an incredibly successful movie shrek's like a decade dormant franchise Shrek is reduced to like touring musicals of Shredo Shrek's so weird

I'll tell you that this is what I like about the Shrek bit which we have to say our friend Pilot was way ahead of the curve Pilot was I mean Pilot in her like as she does all the time she's joking about something and you're like it is funny but she's right and then and you're like it is funny

that she's she's right and then the rest of the internet catches up but pilot was owning that trek oh yeah um the funny thing about the funny thing about the shrek thing for me is that shrek is such a fucking ugly character yeah it's true like the whole point of the first film is this guy's unappealing and then like. And then slowly he comes around. I can't believe we're not talking about this movie. This is crazy. Across the 17 Shrek movies and Christmas specials and whatever, they neutered the character where they made him cute.

And they tried to pretend like he was always likable. And he's only the protagonist of the other movies in the same... Right. But they had Shrek do a cute little dance. But he's still a disgusting looking guy. The idea of merchandising Shrek and putting him in a juice box and stuff like that is much funnier to me

than like Minions where Minions look like serial characters. They look like they were designed to sell shit, you know? Like Shrek dolls are funny. Especially because he wears like a burlap shirt. But my point was we don't do shit like that. If we're gonna fucking make fun of Attack of the Clones, we're gonna watch Attack of the

Clones. Okay, well, we should be watching. Now let's watch Attack of the Clones. Okay, so he's in the fort. Oh, God. Look at Christopher Lee. Just fucking slicing that delicious ham. Yeah. This is like real acting. Yeah. Meanwhile, Ewan McGregor is on like a lazy suit i mean and the pa's were slowly turning it underneath his feet the visuals of this prison are the worst terribly he's got laser handcuffs

so here's the thing that i keep bringing up this in this series he's about to just reveal the actual truth he's not obfuscating and if i told you that the republic was under the control of a dark lord of the sith hypothetically what if i told you that he's like no the jedi be aware of it and he's like yeah no they're not because of the dark side. He's right. Yeah, no, we thought. Everything he's saying is true. Senators are now under his influence. Darth Sidious. He names the fucking guy. He's basically saying to Obi-Wan,

I've gone double agent. Yeah. I'm working for this guy. Talking to Benedict Arnold right now. And this is what the situation is. Okay. now and this is what the situation is let's shine me and so his pitches join me and we'll destroy the set he's like the Jedi's can't do it so you kind of have to cross over the enemy of my enemy is my friend right this is never answered is he

lying just at the end when he's like so join me and we'll destroy them or is he genuinely like look i'm not really a set i'm more count dooku no idea and i never made clear that's the first time we have met that character no we've seen him once before you talked over the scene but he does oh when they're having the trade people yeah yeah but we don't really have a frame of reference we don't have context for this well jar jar he just called them dello fella gates i forgot how late this happened fucking nisa proposed that the senate is gesticulating way too much. Who would be persuaded by this? This does feel

like the way they cut into this scene, it feels like it's like this is hour 17 of a filibuster. Can you imagine having to... No way! No way! All the arm acting in this scene is horrendous. Everyone is gesticulating in a way that shows if they're voting

yes or no. Oh my god. i love the term it's so good yeah he's great i like this makeup work on him too i like it's kind of old hammer horror like too ghastly the wrinkles are too he's very peter cushing yeah he'd be great in this oh my god anyway it feels like that but christopher lee it feels like that's what they're getting at like he was obviously bosom buddies with of course pushing and it's like lee and this is the kind of actor that works well in this type of phantom menace movie i swear to god he's like great so you've granted me emergency powers number one grand army in the republic guess what yoda yoda noah and mace Windu are hanging out

at their Windu. There's still like an hour left in this movie, right? Because we haven't... I don't think it's an hour. There's 45 minutes at least. I think it's about 45 minutes. I think we're gonna be done... When did we start? Around 4.15? Yeah, because you couldn't find your recorder.

I couldn't find my tape recorder. So, we're going to be done around 6.30. Okay. So, yeah. Jeez, what an awful moment. So, here we are on Geonosis. Dumb. Looks basically like the pre-render of a Star Wars Episode I racer.

So, this is like the orange planet. This is like the burnt sienna planet. It's an interesting move because it's not too far off Tatooine. No, I guess this is like the canyon planet. Yeah. Tatooine's like sand and this is like Rocky Mountains. There's a lot of like geysers

and... I'm not interested in getting a war here. Let me throw on my shawl. This is my no war shawl. Have they had sex yet? You know what? I was just about to say, their body language, they feel more relaxed. Yeah, they do. Even in these tents.

You can just watch. Right. They're just here. Well, of course, they have to do stuff. See, I like this dynamic of them not liking each other. It's funny because we as racists would assume that all robots are friends. Why is people on their ship? each other it's funny because we as racists would assume that all robots are friends here's a door smokes coming from here let's hit this oh that opens the door touches his hand to one part of it it's not a handle he just touches his hand to

one part of it and then a lever a handle. He just touches his hand to one part of it, and then a lever goes cracks open. Oh, this looks like a good pathway to enter. And now C-3PO and R2-D2 are arguing about whether or not they should go help them, I guess. Which really is not a debate. The answer is no.

They don't want you to go help them. And R2 and C-3PO provide no help. They create a lot of trouble yeah i guess r2 turns off the droid factory eventually like after a while yeah r2 is not before vindictively knocking 3po into the droid factory but do you think r2 is like he's like an agent of chaos yeah yeah. He just wants crazy things to happen. I want to put forward a fan theory on this movie that maybe R2-D2 is the joker of fucking attack of clones because he just wants to see the world burn.

Yeah. Okay. I just... That's a thing, right? There's a fan theory and people are mad about it. Everything's dumb. I know. David, everything, right? There's a fan theory and people are mad about it. Everything's dumb. I know. David, everything is dumb.

What's the fan theory? The Joker's the hero. That doesn't make any sense, though. No, it doesn't make any sense. Not that the hero's making any sense. Right. Here's the thing. If a movie does not propose something, then it doesn't happen in that movie like now that movie also is very labored

in making batman's like philosophical struggle with the joker yep like apparent like the end scene is him being like ha i was right there is humanity left in these people yes and also it spends a lot of time arguing over like the idea that like things don't exist in shades of black and white like no one can entirely be a hero i have to be the hero they deserve not the hero they need like right all this shit you know yeah or the other way around whatever the fuck it is the point is like there's no reading of that movie where it's like what if he was the good guy all along because like no like everyone's got good points and bad points but at the end of the day the batman stands for the right thing right Right. The Joker, like, kills people

in that movie. Like, a lot. Yeah, here's the thing. He, like, blows up a hospital. Killing people sucks. It's really bad news. Killing people is, like, a bad deal. So, he's making machines. How perverse. Oh, R2, go. Calm down. I almost fell. Oh, my God.

Oh, no. Oh, fuck you. Fuck you, R2. Okay, here's a serious question. Okay. I hate this machine, by the way. This one that C3 does flying on. It catches him. It makes no sense. What is it? It's a flying bed. Yeah, it's so stupid. It's a flying mattress. It's like the bed from Pet Knots and

Broomsticks. Love them. Serious question. Do you think that R2-D2 is capable of flying at all times like he is here or do you think it's like a Street Fighter special move thing where he has to wait for a special move power bar to go up and that's why the rest of the time

he's like literally the slowest robot in the world. I think that's correct because it's like he can do that and then he needs to like go back to the shop, get the fuel put back in those jets or whatever. Padme's in a cereal bowl. Yeah, Padme is in a pestle. We have to believe that he only has a

limited resource because otherwise it's a real dick move to make everyone wait for you when you could be flying the whole time. He absolutely... Look at, he's soaring though. C3, yeah. This section of the movie is just straight up a cartoon. Yeah.

No, it's all... It's a cartoon business. It's a tune. Okay, here's a very serious question. Okay. Eddie Valiant. Private Eye. Would he like Attack the clones eddie valiant private eye yeah no because it's you mean because of the tune down thing is that your joke

it's too much of a tune but you just sort of eventually come to like tunes okay but let's say pre roger rabbit case eddie valiant. This movie technically designates itself as a live action film. Do you think Eddie Valiant would watch it and go, Ah, it's a tomb. Yeah, no. Because it's got people in it. I think he would think that it was weird and perverse, like Tomb Frame, Roger Rabbit.

He would think that too much, like... Would he think it was like interracial marriage well I don't know any valiance views on these things are never fully clear but it's on like yeah but um you kind of make me want to watch that movie again I watched it like two nights ago

one thing I love about the movie I mean yeah there's so many things that are great about it um but one thing I love is... I hate this scene. I hate that... It's Hoskins' performance. Oh, Hoskins is so good.

I hate that weird zoom in. Because it's totally out of line with the rest of the language Lucas is using in the film, which is like very stoic, steady shots. And little to no camera movement. And then there's that one shot of Padme looking up, seeing the magma coming down. And then the camera like does a quick zoom zoom out of a fucking Russ Myers movie. Do you think that this movie would be helped if it was more like a Russ Myers movie? Or not even out of William Cain, if it just was a little cheesier?

Yeah, of course. You mean if it was fun? But this is the thing, you know. If it was fun to watch. It's a fine line because it's an expensive movie. Yeah. With a lot of complicated visuals. And, like, sometimes people don't like it when those kinds of movies

are, like, excessively tongue-in-cheek, right? Like Sky Captain. Sure. Not that Sky Captain was excessively expensive, but, like, one problem with that movie is that it never can be taken seriously because it doesn't really want to be. Yes. Look, I think excessively tongue-in-cheek

is not always a path for success, but I do like my movies to be self-aware. They don't have to be self-critical or metatextual, but especially with big movies like this, I think they should be aware of what they are. And you can tell when movies kind of like have this knowing sort of like, don't worry, we got you.

We know how you're watching this. In this movie, it feels like there's a disconnect between what the movie thinks it is and how we view the movie. It's like an emperor's new clothes thing. Absolutely true. Here's a great, a great scene to underline that thing.

You're just exactly talking about dying a little bit every day since you came back i'll read padme you read anakin uh okay what what are you talking about i love you here we go this is the scene i like you love me I thought we decided we had not I thought we had decided not to fall in love learn to read yeah seriously that we would be forced to live a lie that it would destroy

our lives airline the whole film I think our lives are about to be destroyed anyway but I'm Chang cut to no laughter from Anakin. Anakin dead serious. Look, I mean, Corbin's giving good close-up here.

Tears in her eyes. You feel there's a palpable emotion. I like this shot. It's fine. It's fine. I think that the shot of them a little later when they're getting married is better done.

I agree. I agree, Your Excellency. Agree. But I like that there are stakes here. All these other scenes are going, we can, we can't, we mustn't, we must. In this one, it's like, look, we love each other and that's about to become irrelevant Because we're about to be killed. I like the immediacy of that You know, yeah, I'm with you in theory

The music is helping. Yeah, like Williams around center stage to do his love theme But What's annoying is like I've got her hair looks crazy um her hair actually looks like like like dog diarrhea um so this is we are about an hour and 45 minutes into the movie. And the movie's 220? The movie's about 220. Okay. Have these two interacted since like minute 15? No.

It's crazy how long they're apart. Crazy. Vaginas? Vaginas? A lot of vaginas. Thank you. That's another thing you told me I was crazy for reading into and now you have to admit that I was right. I hate that you cut from... A no i like his language though those do look like pothole hoods though do they not yes enough about the vaginas

clitoral yeah okay you got the droid art factory sequence 10 minutes of shit one little scene of admin amikin and padme yeah right yeah and then 15 more minutes of this shit and he said he was watching the cut and he went oh not enough action he had to put the droid factory in even though he knew this was coming yeah i don't yeah why do you need the droid factory right he was talking about momentum

and how like the momentum of the movie is just starting to build up so you need but like that makes no sense yeah because the momentum of the movie is sludge until the droid factory is seen and that's unending action after this this is actually this would be kind of exciting if this was the first big action set piece you were getting yeah for an hour because this build-up is kind of nice and tense with the introduction of the creatures i i just don't like this stuff because as with Phantom Menace, the stakes

are too low. Too low. You just know they're gonna get out of it. They're Jedi. It's like, you know they gotta fight. Wait, so he said Padme seems to be on top of things and now she's on top of a thing. Go on. So sorry. You know, it's like

it's too easy. Yeah, look at how quickly two of the three of them have like freed themselves of it. From their manacles, yeah. Yeah, like all three of them came with ease. And it just makes it so annoying. Like this scene would even be less annoying if it wasn't a staged execution. It was just some crazy fighting pit they got themselves mixed up in.

Right? But instead, it's like, really, this is the plausible like, you know, how they decide to, like, just shoot them. I do really hate the rip of the fabric that exposes only Padme's midriff. It's very annoying. It only leaves scars on her back so her tummy still looks fuckable.

Those are three people who are not in the same room. Oh, yeah. Django, Poggle, and Boba. I do kind of like the lack of music in this scene. Sure. I like when Georgie Porgsy pulls it out and you're just hearing the sound effects. I like when Newt Gunny is like, shoot her. And no one responds to him.

And he's like, no, that's... Why doesn't Bo Django just go like... This is the first reasonable suggestion I've ever made. I had a Padme action figure and she came with the pillar. What a great thing for her to come with. Yeah. I guess Padme doesn't have a lot. No.

Like she has that cool gun in Phantom. Yeah. Sort of slender pistol. And she had, she had whatever blaster she uses in this. The, the, she's such a tiny woman. It was like the, the pillar took up most of the package. Yeah. She doesn't have a very nice...

Yeah. It's a dude growling. He's... Is the implication that he's controlling it with the force, that he was able to subdue it with the force? Not really. Or is that just a human being going steady, steady? Yeah, I think it was more just horsey.

This scene sucks yeah this movie sucks like it's a bad movie is there anyone who's like look i don't love attack of the clones but the fighting pit sequence with the animals yeah the the geonosis arena sequence jesus okay what do you think is Ewan McGregor's worst film, now that we've gone through his whole filmography? What's the worst film that Ewan McGregor has been in? Is this it? Probably this one. That's a great question, though. Is there any chance...

He's been in some crappy movies. Yeah, is there any... I hate robots, I can tell you. I've never seen robots. Mostly because it looks so... Yeah. Robots is terrible. I haven't seen Mordecai.

We haven't seen... I mean, we have seen Mordecai. We do. Although I don't want to turn into how did this get made, you know? I'm not saying we have to do a Mordecai episode of the podcast. I'm just saying we need to see Mordecai.

I think some things we keep for ourselves. I don't want to just focus on movies that are bad. That's not what we're here to do. I totally agree. Having seen Amelia, Amelia is a god-awful movie. Really? It's that bad? It's very pretty, though.

It's prettier than this movie. Wait, hold on. though. It's prettier than this movie. Wait, hold on. Haha, this party's over. It is funny that it... I'm going to say this one. It is funny that this movie took this long to remember. Like, oh yeah, Samuel L. Jackson.

You know, he can deliver a line. Yeah. It took two movies for them to remember like oh yeah samuel jackson you know yeah he can deliver a line yeah it took two movies for them to remember this is oh no it's super battle droids. Oh, Jango. Oh, this could be such a cool fight. Oh my god, Mace Windu, Jango. Finally two people.

I do like that Jango lights his outer cloak on fire so he has to kind of strip down to the, yeah. You know, in theory this should be kind of cool. Why would he even bring the outer cloak? He knows he's here for a fight. Some of these guys have outer cloaks. Some of them don't. The ones who do are dumb.

I just... The way this is animated is so bad because it's obviously all these stunt actors as Jedi. Oh, wait, but David, something really funny is happening. Oh, wait, David. What the... It's not C-3PO. That's a battle droid. But, like, look.

Just try... Like, there's so many scenes of these background Jedis literally just doing this. Yeah. Like, kind of waving an arm around. Just try to look in the background. And they've just sort of tried to match battle droid deaths to those random waves. And it looks really crappy.

Not to mention that it's, like, clearly, they just, like, had three days where they were, like, okay okay who's our 10 15 yeah yeah like i came in and did five minutes of lightsaber fighting and then they just copy pasted him in the background a bunch of times totally yeah this scene is is frankly weird the 3pl thing is kind of funny. I'm programmed for etiquette, not destruction. Why would Anakin program him for etiquette? It just...

Look, come on. It'll never make sense. Anakin doesn't have good manners. What does he know about etiquette? Jedi in close-up are pretty cool. Yep. Right here, I think... Look at how much better the framing is of that shot that's entirely digital

then the ones that are half and half you know here that's what guy just got shot that guy sucks Django does cool pistols those two actors aren't in the same frame I like that run yeah baby just has the lightsaber all the way out to the side and at first I thought that look goofy Yeah, it makes sense. Where Mace just has the lightsaber all the way out to the side. And at first, I thought that looked goofy, but it's like, no, you want to hold it away from your body. It could hurt you. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's like one of your scissors.

There we go. So, I forgot that first Jango gets trampled because it has to kill his jetpack, right? That's the idea. Yeah. Then he shoots this guy. Right in the face. Kind of cool. Kind of cool.

Turns around. Jetpacking working. Here we go. Here's the battle we're waiting for. Mace Windu, Jango, he's deflecting the bullets with his shield and he... Oh, no. Yeah, you see, I do get that, like, yeah, you see his jetpack ignite. So he's obviously like, all right, I'm out of here.

Yeah. And it doesn't work but it's a shitty version of the the Raiders thing with the Kyro swordsman well everything's a shitty version of that oh god what did I say did you read that interview with Anthony

Daniels and the Guardian uh yes okay it was really good Anthony Daniels is like kind of famously a dick yeah i know and here's another thing he hates kenny baker who plays r2d2 why does he hate him he's constantly like is it just because r2d2 is a jerk yeah and he's a method actor um no anthony daniels hates kenny baker and when they're like asked to do like events together yeah he's like I won't be seen next to him because he like

doesn't think that Kenny Baker like I'm an actor Kenny Baker is like running a remote control in a box these scenes are kind of horrible where the Jedi are basically like cutting up these poor monsters. That's disgusting. Because these monsters are basically like just enslaved by the Geonosians. Well, if you remember when I did my Wikipedia research on the Reek. Go ahead.

It's a creature that only turns red when it's like prodded and tortured. Right. They're like, you know. Maybe this is just an elaborate commentary on bullfighting. Bullfighting. Have you ever been to a bullfight? No. Once it was the worst. You went once? That's crazy.

We've been to Spain and I remember my dad being like, yeah, you don't want to see that shit. He maybe had seen one and he was just like, it's gross. I spent like a month in the south of france when i was young and we went to a bullfight and it was it was awful we hated it i can only imagine i mean there was a lot of other stuff that was like goofy like clown stuff right right right how much could there possibly be a bullfight yeah

but you know when the bull comes out they like take spears no i know stabbing the bull so the bull's slowly bleeding out as and they're making him mad right um but it was just like you just see blood all over it's awful it's terrible it was worse than tackle clowns So this is the scene where they are, like, I guess surrendering. A duke who says a bunch of nonsense about the archives. So what they do is at this point, like... What are they going to do? Take him prisoner?

Yeah. They're Jedi's. That's a bad idea. And they're like, still like 15 of them will not be hostage as Aaron I kind of like the battle droids as designs I think the super belt right now droids are better they probably should have just laid like them oh I like them better than the ring oh see I strongly disagree I like the battle droids as designs I think the super belt or two battle droids are better they probably should have just laid like them oh I like them better than the ring oh I strongly disagree I like the original ones I like their weird poopy diaper walks I hate them super battle droids make sense to

me something you would build now droids make no sense to me something you would build because they're so shitty shitty yeah and they're really flimsy like you they you feel like a child throwing rocks could kill them like just make them this is kind of a cool shot and like some of the stuff of the clone troopers like not the troopers themselves but their equipment yeah he's kind of like awe-inspiring and i know that's the idea like you're supposed to be like wow like you know i hope revenge of the sith gives us the fucking Clone Wars we're asking for. This is a movie we want.

Yeah, but you know it won't. I know it won't. Yeah. Like, I know it's, like, funny and shit, but, like, it's not going to happen. I know it won't because I saw it three times in theaters. But here's the thing. Yeah. Like, I actually never wanted it to do that.

I didn't want a Clone Wars movie that badly. Um, I want a movie set during the Clone Wars. I'm not't want a Clone Wars movie that badly. I want a movie set during the Clone Wars. I'm not saying I want an entire movie of war. I've already said that I don't like that. Clone Wars are not interesting. I think wartime is interesting. Maybe. I don't think

setting a movie before war starts and after war starts makes sense for a franchise. I want a movie to see how these characters deal during wartime when everything is so known to disarray you know yeah I guess so if the coup it is I mean again saying how George was confident to name the character something that's so similar to do do a guy should be like serious and threatening and menacing didn't he basically have all these names like written in like old notebooks like

isn't that where he gets all this shit from this is the weird moment where they push pad me out of the ship right yeah I don't think because I recently we watch that I don't think they actually I recently rewatched that, I don't think they actually push her out. She just kind of falls out. So here's this interesting, weird tech room. Yeah. And...

This makes no sense. They're caught off guard by the clone army, so that suggests that like sidious yeah whatever city has played cypher diaz to order the clone army he played dooku together the other army it makes no sense it doesn't make any sense i get through the ideas it's supposed to be like a reichstag fire. He creates a crisis so bad only he can solve it. But there's too many moving pieces. Would he want his allies to be in on it as well?

What does it mean by not having them be beaten? It's not cute that Yoda's backwards syntax, that he shouts military commands in it. It's not cute. Especially during war when he's like around the survivors of perimeter shut up. You need to be super clear with your commands

because lives are depending on them. I see that weird fake zoom in. I hate it. It's this weird these things are weird cuz you've seen them before but you don't really know what they are no are they like the centers of the donut ships Oh maybe they like maybe i like this guy walkers yeah but like here's the question that's never answered spinny disc was camino building and also in the extras they talk about this that like literally everyone just made scenes of war

chaos and george lucas just picked what was best yeah they were usually designed disconnected yeah oh this is just stuff happening yeah it's just crazy stuff happening but like George Lucas just picked what was best. Yeah, they were using the design of crazy shit. It's so fucking disconnected. Yeah. Oh, this is just stuff happening. Yeah, just crazy stuff happening. But like, all right, the Kaminoans made the clones. Did they make all the warships? No, it's a different planet. David, why are you asking such a stupid question?

No one explains like how, because it's more important than the clones. It's this crazy war infrastructure. Now, what did you say you'd call this red thing? What I call this red thing? Yeah, the killer sphere. What do you call it? That thing. Oh, it's like a...

You had a name for it on an episode. Like a death planet, right? Like a killer star or something like that. Like a death planet, killer star, death star, killer star planet, death planet, something like that. It's a death planet killer star death star killer star planet that planet something like that it's weird how the great design though you have to admit very cool nice clean simple economic it's just funny that the bug people are like it turns out they're like the master designers this is like the West Elm planet. West Elm planet. David, I miss when we were talking about Mordecai.

When we were looking at pictures of Mordecai. This is the thing about Mordecai and Minions. There's no way those movies are as funny as just the idea of them. Right? You think Mordecai is that funny? Yeah, I think Mordecai has to be. It might be. I think watching Mordecai,

every minute it continues to go on, I will be cracking up at the fact that it's still happening. Like, it takes so much time. Do you remember when Johnny Depp was the coolest guy on the planet? He was so cool. It was like he could do no wrong after Pirates of the Caribbean.

But do you even remember, his test before Pirates of the Caribbean was like, he's so underrated. Yeah, totally. He's the actor of his generation. Right. He never gets recognized by the Oscars. All his movies flop. So good. I love Death in the 90s.

He's like this cool cult hero. Yeah, I love Death in the 90s. I love Edward. Edward is one of my favorite movies. Same here. One of my 10 favorite movies ever. Dead Man is like one of the greatest movies of the 90s i don't know if you've seen dead man yes yes great movie uh i like fear and living in las vegas though it's a little tiresome but he's you know he's very good in it yeah he's amazing in donnie brasco

yeah um great 90s career but even shit like and like edward Scissorhands, obviously. Yeah, but I was going to say, even shit like Gilbert Grape is a very good little guy. You know, which he hasn't been able to do since then. Now he either does like Ham Sandwich, or when he's not doing Ham Sandwich, he's like barely registered.

He's like stoned. He's like sleepy. I love him in Sleepy Hollow. That's a really fun comedic performance. Now he made some weird movies like The Astronaut's Wife and The Ninth Gate. They're not all great. You can see Don Juan DeMarco. That's a great movie. Have you seen that? That's a great movie. He's fantastic in that movie.

And then Chocolat. Okay, he's phoning that in. Blow. It's kind of a dull movie. He's pretty good in that. From Hell. That's when people are Yeah, he's pretty good in there. He's alright. From Hell. That's when people are like, what's he gonna do? And then he makes Pirates. But his career's at a weird

crossroad where it's like, he's a leading man. Yeah, she just falls out. He's a leading man, but his films don't do well. And he's respected, but he's not an Oscar player. And then he makes Pirates and people are like, yeah, well, this is a weird movie that won't do well. And instead, it's a huge movie and he gets an Oscar nomination.

Right, so kit and caboodle now. He's finally respected by the Oscars. Remember the same years Once Upon a Time in Mexico, which he's so great in. Yes. Not a good movie. He's very good. Not a good movie.

Yeah. And then 2004, he makes a bunch of shit. Secret Window, Finding Neverland, and the Libertine. It leaves no dent because Finding Neverland which is horrendous. But he gets the best out of his nomination. Yeah, exactly. And then Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I defend.

It's alright. I defend. Chris Finley's pretty funny in it. He's really good in it. And then I really want, we have to do an episode on Pirates of the Caribbean World's End, which I think is like secretly amazing. Oh, I would love to do that. We can do the second one too, but the third one is really terrible. You've heard

Michael stand a bit about Pirates of the Caribbean 3, right? Oh yeah, it's actually very funny. You guys should listen to it. And then I think Sweeney Todd, he's incredibly good in. I love that performance and I really like that movie. And I love Public Enemies. I'm a Michael Mann fanboy.

I like Public Enemies a lot. I don't love it. I like Black Hat more. I love Black Hat. I think he's a little... He's not great. Christian Bale is the star of Public Enemies. She's incredible. She's great. Although she's playing

such a shitty... All of a sudden lightning really like the look of the lightning i want to say that blue lighting is cool really cool and dooku like like i said christopher lee it's fantastic he's he projects so much authority yeah you just got present when i i had this movie on dvd and i would just watch this scene over and over again which is crazy because the scene is bad but at the time and even though really i think it's probably only doing a little bit of this they do a pretty good job integrating him into the fight.

Yeah. Ah, that smile. I love him. Love Christopher Lee. They do shoot around him very well. They do a good job. You cut to her in the desert just like surrounded by cartoon people.

Cool. I'm not going to be involved in any of the major end battle. Okay, cool. I'm not going to be involved in any of the major and battle. Okay, cool. I'll just stay here with you. And now she's a military leader. He's not.

Her running's really bad too. So his arm's already been cut off at this point? No. No, it hasn't. Ugh. So his arm's already been cut off at this point? No. No, it hasn't. No, he just lightened him. What was that smoke coming out? Oh, it was just from the... From the lightning.

Right. Ugh. Ugh. I hate this. The CGI of this is horrible. That jump is really bad. That's what I was... Ugh. Oh, double lightsaber.

So cool. But they have to shoot it from so far away. And then so quickly they get rid of it. It's pretty cool when Anakin just for no reason cuts the power to the ship. Yeah. That is cool. Yeah. It's pretty cool. Sparks are cool. cuts the power to the ship. Yeah. That is cool. Yeah. It's pretty cool.

Sparks are cool. But this is just badly pales in comparison to the last fight. Phantom has a great fight. God, you know what? This is cool. Watching this one final time is making me realize how much I love Phantom. Phantom's great. Phantom's got the pod race.

I know. It's got dual- It has two good set pieces. It's got two great set pieces. This is actually- It's got a lot more Watto. That's horrible. Dumb. Dumb.

It's not... Yeah. Christopher Lee, they make him work against Obi-Wan, but for some reason they can't animate him interestingly against Anakin. That fight is very stilted. But then the Union doesn't... So, I mean, I remember seeing this in the theater. We haven't talked i mean i remember seeing this little stinker i saw this in the theater people went ballistic it was just pandemonium it was chaos it was beal mania

like i don't even remember seeing it yeah i don't because i just remember everyone was just screaming i certainly know that i couldn't hear any of it no uh i don't know if i've ever heard an audience react like that to anything ever. No, me neither. And it's amazing because this is universally regarded as a horrible scene. It's true. But like at the time, it killed. It was the thing. Like people were like, I know you didn't like the last movie. I know. But you gotta see this final scene.

It's worth it just for the final scene. And then it won the fucking MTV Movie Award. The most prestigious of all awards. It won Best Fight at the MTV Movie Award. But the weirdest thing is, Lucas didn't want to do it. Whose idea was it? I don't know, but it was basically eventually...

Because you know, in Phantom, originally Yoda's a puppet. And Lucas had to be prevailed on that they could do Yoda. Digitally. And apparently, he was initially like, nah, I don't think so. Yeah, and people were going insane. You couldn't even see the screen because there was so much cum on it.

It was just cum shooting at the screen. And I saw it in Britain. It didn't matter. Like, pandemonium. I saw Times Square opening day. I went right after school opening day. I saw it with Skylar Reddick, someone I haven't spoken to in 10 years. It's quite a line.

It's like such a labored line and he somehow manages to sell it. Yoda's comeback should be lucky for you. I practice my saber technique as much as Anakin practices his wit. What if that was his retort? It'd be great. All right, so the problem with this is... I'm watching this right now and i'm yawning yoda is just sort of moving around and instead of the problem i was describing earlier christopher lee is waving his lightsaber in general direction yes and they're trying to match yoda to it yeah because obviously there was no yoda yeah and it works 20 of the time like it's there's so many seams

i was losing it at this point i know i know people you couldn't hear this dialogue people were still just shit people getting married in theater it's crazy like there's like two minutes left i know that's basically it but people even cheering this part like they weren't angry about the fact that duke was getting away they were cheering that oh my god yoda can fucking lift that thing and then this was the part people go bullet the biggest laugh i've ever heard in a movie theater Oh my god, Yoda can fucking lift that thing? And then this was the part where people go, the biggest laugh I've ever heard in a movie theater coming up.

Oh, when he says, my gun is called Warhouse? No, that guy gasps. No, it's this final Yoda moment coming up. Duke is such a dick. It's a great performance, but he's such a dick. His ship's pretty cool. His ship's great.

I love that ship. With his weird sails. This. This got the biggest laugh. Just when he picked. Oh, and he goes back to oh and now he's back to being an old man people want bananas yeah well it was like eddie murphy raw yoda came out in skin tight red leather jumpsuit god can we talk about eddie murphy rock i just talked about this for a second because i harp on this a

lot just how different our cultural landscape has changed. I'm not saying this in the complain-y, the fucking PC way. I'm going, thank God. But just to point how accepted this was at the time, the first track

off of... Delirious is the second one. Raw is the first one, right? I can't remember which comes... I think Delirious is first, but anyway, go on. Whichever the first one was, the first track on that album is just called Faggots. Yeah, I know. Okay? No one had a problem with it. I know. I know some people have a problem

with it, but 90% of the population was like, that's comedy. Who cares? That bit is really tough to listen to. Really tough to listen to. I can't really listen to it anymore. Do you know what the first track on the second album is called? What? Fots revisit yeah right now yeah yeah he wasn't done he had to come back to the well he had so much more to say well because it's like not to you know but it's at the time like gay culture is going from being like basically an underground only heard of thing yeah to like a visible thing and he's talking basically about his fear of that

right like he's like oh my god they're gonna like sneak up behind me basically like his joke right his points are that i find it gross when my girlfriends hang out with gay guys right because maybe they'll get aids she'll get aids from them right isn't that one of the jokes he makes it's like they're kissing their we're ending anyway i ending the episode. Anyway, I mean, Eddie Murphy's gay, right? Super gay. Eddie Murphy's gay, no question. That's why he did that. He's going to sue us. I hope, I really want to work with

Eddie Murphy. He's a very funny man, but I honestly can't listen to Raw or Delirious. I fast forward through those things. Or I can listen to prior, even older comics. Yeah. It's tough to listen to that stuff. No, I fast forward through those parts. Join the can listen to prior, even older comics. Yeah. It's tough to listen to that stuff. Join the dark side Dooku has.

No, there are. Absolutely. The McDonald's bit is so incredible. The Elvis bit is, I think, one of the funniest things in history. Lemonade. Yoda's just sitting in a chair. Yeah. Singing his poo-poo chair. Well, David, okay. So this is the end of the world we don't

have to wrap it up because we have the credits to talk over let's i was gonna try to get final thoughts so we can save our final thoughts for a second my final thoughts are i'm really happy i don't have to be against me this movie is far worse than the first no question i love i know that if i watched phantom menace i'd be like, oh, right. No, I don't like this one either, but I've always felt that it's better. Yeah. I mean, maybe not when I saw Club. Yeah, no, I'm not disagreeing with

you. I'm just, I'm checking my own mental history. I think I thought this was the best one when I saw it. Of any movie ever made. Yeah. Oh my God. Dumb. Dumb. Yeah, this is the cartoon scene of the clone. Eddie Valiant

pulling his hair out. It doesn't matter. It's a toon. I'm so exhausted. I'm like so tired. Me too. I got like four hours of sleep last night. Oh my god. And I knew I was going to have to watch this movie on that amount of energy and it was just going to knock the shit out of me. It's a taxing film.

It really is. I think this is the first time I've watched it through in a few weeks. Same here because I've been watching only the pertinent sections. Man. I am excited to see Revenge of the Sith. You know what I'm excited to see what friends are the smits talk about who's on screen right here smits is gonna kill it all right so here we are it's like fourth build okay this is kind of nice and you know why because it's a real

place and there's sun and there's fauna very nice and there's a nice music who's this officiating the ceremony uh yeah it's uh do you what I wish the last shot of the movie was? They hold hands. They, like, you know, this, right? This is what I wish the end of the movie was. We pan up. Oh, beautiful. Her veil. They kiss. He's still got his dumb rat tail. And then he goes,

right? C-3PO and R2-D2 are standing there as witnesses. Then we go back to that guy who was officiating with, like with his hood. And you're like, who is he? And he walks away in the shadows. And then he turns around. One last look takes off his hood. And it's Georgie Forgy.

And he winks to the camera. And he gives an okay. A classic buckwheat okay. I don't think that would have been good. It's an iris in on him. I don't think that would have been good. But what if it was Qui-Gon? That's awful. It was Qui-Gon.

What if it was Qui-Gon? That would be great too. What if it was Georgie, Porgy, and Qui-Gon together? They were stacked on top of each other. So the final shot is their wedding. Directed by Georgie. Written by Georgie. Story by George.

No, no, no. Cut this bit out right now. Don't want that. Wait. Billing order. Because I'm always excited by the billing order. Yeah. You know how excited I get about billing order.

Okay, so McGregor's first. We know that, right? I think it's McGregor, Portman, Christensen. Right. I agree with you. Then Christopher Lee is my guess. Ooh. You think Samuel Jackson still has the ant?

Nah, maybe Samuel Jackson's fourth. That's a fair point. All right. Let's see. Because he's got a bigger role in this one. Okay. But that's my big bet. I think McDermott's usually got a big billing.

He's usually high up. Okay, so McGregor's first. Starring? McGregor. Well learned. Worked for his supper. Natalie Portman, number two. Numero dos. Three three Christians there he is Samuel Jackson

and Frank Oz as Yoda wow and then co-starring with Dermot and Bermuda August seniority is really important Oliver Ford Davies to Maura Morrison Anthony Daniels

Carson Kenny Baker and Samuel Jackson's Mace Windham and Christopher Lee and Christopher Lee is counting slash Darth Vader that's weird billing weird billing bro I love some weird billing

at trivia your guest round was weird billing. It was. It was a good round. It was hard. Most people didn't do it well, yeah. It was real tough. So, final thoughts. Final thoughts.

That's the credit to him. James McTeague, first assistant director. Yeah, went on to make V for Vendetta. And then some shitty movies. V for Vendetta is a shitty movie, but okay. I loved it when i was 15 have you seen it recently nope because i don't want to kill my memory piece of shit um but it's better than star wars episode two attack of the clones well and also better than the other movies

he did after that he did ninja assassin i don't believe i've seen ninja he did the raven in which john cusack plays ed Edgar Allan Poe trying to solve murder mystery. He also made Survivor this year. He made... He directed a season of Survivor on CBS. Starring Pierce Brosnan and Mila Jovovich.

Whoa. Dylan McDermott, Angela Bassett, and Robert Forster, which, as much as I like all of those actors, they are a real sign of a problem. When Robert Forrester, which, as much as I like all of those actors, they are a real sign of a problem. When Robert Forrester's getting billing on your poster, that's not good. He made Ninja Assassin.

I did not see Ninja Assassin. No one saw Ninja Assassin. Okay. And then you've got Bufordetta and the Raven. And I believe he's also the director who cleaned up the invasion, which was the Oliver Hirschbuckle movie, which Oliver Hirschbuckle was fired from.

Yeah. I forget why. Because it was a boring movie. And he had made Downfall. Yes. First AD on Phantom Menace went on to direct Battlefield. I believe he was also, oh, you're saying, right, first AD on Phantom Menace went on to direct Battlefield Earth. I believe he was also, oh, you're saying, right, first AD on Phantom Mask.

James McTeague was also first AD on The Matrix. Right. But I'm saying first AD on Phantom Menace goes on to direct Battlefield Earth. First AD on Attack of the Clones goes on to direct V for Rendetta. Sure.

Who do we think was first? Don't look it up. I want to look it up, though. Let's try Attack of the Clones goes on to direct The Friend of the Ninja and The Raven. Who do we think was first? Don't look it up. I want to look it up though. Let's try to reverse engineer it from movies. I think the first AD on Revenge of the Sith was Walt Becker, director of Old Dogs. That's my bet. You just wanted to get a little plug

for Waltie Becker. I love him. You know he's doing Alvin the Chipmunk's Four. Is he? Yeah. I believe it's called The Road Chip. Yep. It's coming out this December. It is no joke in my top five most anticipated movies of the year because I think he's my

favorite vulgar auteur. His films are horrendous and they were so twisted but they're so clearly the work of one artist realizing his vision perfectly where he's like a bizarro version of john waters who somehow is getting away with making kids films like their films for family i don't know that i've ever seen a walt becker movie they're so perfect did he make old dogs he made old dogs right he made wild hogs that's what i was asking yeah old dogs wild hogs and van wilder he made van will be first van wilder first van wilder which is quite gross yeah his movies are gross van wilder has a bit where they

make a dog fucking eclair and then i remember the eclair and the eclair's full of dog cum i remember and they let him make kids movies well but like old dogs especially is like that's a weird movie yeah but all his kids have i told you the todd vanderwerth story about wild hogs no i'm pretty sure i have but it's such a good story anyway todd vanderwerth who is uh my former boss at the ab club and now works at box a tv editor box um culture editor box um told me his dad he's from south dakota uh from like rural south dakota his dad, he's from South Dakota, from rural South Dakota. His dad does not see a lot of movies.

In theaters, at least. They were in a movie theater seeing something. They saw a trailer for Wild Hogs. And, you know, with Tim Allen, Martin Lawrence, William H. Macy, John Travolta, I believe. Marissa Tomei, Ray Liotta. Yeah, a bunch of sort of middle-aged guys taking a motorcycle.

Yeah. Yeah. That's the joke, right? Yeah. That's the movie. Yeah. Uh,

so they see this trailer, Todd's dad stands up, points at the screen and says, we are seeing that movie. That's that. And Todd, when I believe I was asking Todd, like,

yeah, God, why is wild dogs doing so well? Like who sees that movie? And he's like, well, let me tell you. Do you know how much the movie made domestically eight years ago?

$170 million? Yeah. Is that about it? It's something like that. $175, yeah. That's crazy. People love Tim Allen. Yeah. Like, weirdly. Yeah. Maltbecker's fascinating. Okay. We can talk about Maltbecker. We'll do a Maltbecker episode.

Well, that's what I want to say, okay? So, last time... Credits are almost over. Well, that's my point. We give out the hashtag to prove that you would listen to the full episode. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, ready? This time it's a hashtag vote. Oh, by the way, if you experience any condition that distracts you from the theatrical presentation... Yeah, 1-800-PHX. We did

this last time. They didn't pick up. What's the hashtag? Our eventual Walt Beck episode. Should it be called... this last time they didn't pick up what's the hashtag our eventual walt becker episode should it be called and maybe it's an episode maybe it's a mini series i don't know we'll see how much people can tolerate yeah should it be called old pods good good good start or pod dogs um really hard to pick i definitely pick old pods but send us your hashtag well that's the point hashtag us with one of the two yep old old pods or or pod dogs it's definitely gonna be old pods let's put wild pods in there if you want to yeah wild pods or wild pods or wild or if you

really want pod dogs it's fine it's fine but we. But we're going to talk about, not Pod Wilder. No. Not, not. The road pod. Pod chip. Okay. The films of Walt Becker will be discussed in the future. He's our greatest vulgar auteur.

Thank you for listening. Yep. We're done with this movie. Let's all promise to never watch it ever again. Everyone listening, two of us here, you'll never watch it. Break your Blu-ray in half, which is hard to do. Alright, okay.

Signing off. Signing off. David Sims, Griffin Newman, we'll see you next week for, what are you calling it? The Podcastic 2. Podcastic 2. And as always, as always, long live Mordecai. Mordecai!