Blank Check with Griffin & David - Watch With Us - The Phantom Podcast

Episode Date: June 1, 2015

Griffin and David in a bonus episode for all you GDP die hards, watched the Phantom Menace (one more time!) and recorded their commentary. So get out that blu-ray and listen along with the hosts as they offer up their thoughts in real time. You won’t regret it?

Hello, welcome to the Phantom Podcast. My name is David Sims. My name is Griffin Newman. This is the bonus episode. This is a real bonus episode. This is a real boner episode. If anyone listens to this whole episode, I will be stunned and flabbergasted. So this is not a normal episode. We are recording live from the Casa de las Sims.

My busted ass couch. The poet laureate himself, Perdueue or ben is not even here today we didn't want to trouble him with this no what we're gonna do is we're gonna record for you an entire commentary of star wars episode one the phantom ns yep we thought was the only star wars movie now we found out they did make a sequel yeah which is great but which is great but we'll watch that soon we haven't gotten to that yet no um so So we're going to get your Blu-rays out, get your shiny Blu-rays. We're watching the Blu-ray cut. I don't know what other information we can give you.

None. We just want to give you a little time to set up here. Yeah. Because we're going to press play, and you've got to sync up your movie to us. Of course. I mean, this whole experience, it's crucial that you are at the millisecond. Right. Frame by frame.

Yeah. You're with us. We're not going to pause this. Nope. I mean, unless the batteries on this thing run out, and in which case, it would be very seamless. Yeah. We have two hours and 20 minutes to talk about anything else we want to talk about. Do Wikipedia searches.

So we're just going straight into it. So is everyone ready? Sync it up. Press play. Do a countdown for me are you do you push on one or is it on zero do you know what i'm saying on zero okay five four three two one the phantom ass is starting all. So you have the 20th Century Fox fanfare. Right off the bat. I do hate that for the Blu-ray, they did the new.

Yeah, this is weird. This is the fancy glamorized. Oh, because it's the home entertainment. But then we're going to get another Fox logo. That's what's going to happen. Gotcha. OK. I'm pretty sure. Here it comes.

Oh, you know what? That was a false start this is now well I guess if you're watching the blu-ray yes now we had the pg action violence yeah yeah there's no language no sex okay now we have the proper fox okay so this is really the movie starting improper so you should sync with the second fanfare because some logo great logo i don't know if we talked about that much it's such a good logo gold i don't know a lot of that green to silver to gold green to silver to gold okay long time ago and galaxy far far away what's that font it's good it's just classy yeah god this movie starts so well this is the best part of the movie.

Yeah. More movies should do that where it's just silence and the title comes out in big letters with a burst of music. Yeah. You know, it makes you excited for what you're about to watch. Can we say we both fully decide that we hate this movie? Have we? Yeah.

We said it on air last week. I think this movie just hurt me. Yeah. Yeah. Last week we said we hate this movie. I'm now so excited to watch this i know the way i am every time we're always so pumped up i think it's gonna rule turmoil has engulfed the galactic republic the taxation of trade routes to outlying star

systems is in dispute hoping to resolve battleship matter blockade of deadly battleships the greedy trade federation stopped in shipping to the small planet god this is so boring it doesn't make any sense well the congress of the republic and this you know what this reads like this reads like something the teacher was saying in charlie brown that they had to make it's just like white noise jedi knights the guardians and peace and justice in the galaxy to settle the conflict four dots four dots four dots yeah oh georgie boy couldn't settle for three everything's gotta be oh boy and all the font the font is justified you know it's uh yeah yeah yeah it's a just evenly evenly spaced yeah a lot of weird spaces in between words so that to make it all line up even lined up that's what i mean

justified that's the word for that? I think so. Fascinating. And so then. Here we got a ship. Red ship. We're not going to just describe this movie as it happens. No, we're going to. I mean, this part's tough because we already covered this part. We did.

We covered this in depth. Although, I feel like we actually probably got a lot of stuff wrong, even though we were just talking about seven minutes of the movie. No question. Oh, we should put subtitles on for this. we do that yeah let me uh there we go uh english for the deaf and hard of hearing i mean do we want like you know swedish or norwegian there's so many all right this is the problem with blu-rays too many options i just want to tell you we are now all right just okay so the deaf with Blu-rays. Too many options. I just want to tell you, we are now... All right.

I'm just... Okay. So the deaf and hard of hearing. So if you want to sync up with us... It'll have, you know, little sound effects, that means, I think. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. David.

Oh, here she is. Here she is. The breakout star. She has, like, the third line in the movie. Yeah. She's so shiny. Doesn't this look great, by the way? It does. Although, you know what david i've i read a bunch of reviews of the blu-ray and this is a very controversial transfer

really yeah because uh some of it looks immaculate and some of the people argue is a little soft and it feels like he may be he he cheaped out on some of it oh all right so here's qui-gon and obi-wan and obi-wan is worrying about something else now the qui-gon just tells obi-wan to shut up but obi-wan is clearly saying like yo there is like a darker force at work here you know he's he's on to darth sidious from the beginning obi-wan has completely proven right his anxieties were very founded and qui-gon's like you're worrying too much yeah let's just have some tea bad mentor and why are these guys why are they negotiators i don't know i they're soldiers oh but tc-14 look at that tight little butt look at that little robot butt that's just a jedi knight i know it How are they going to force the settlement?

It's never explained What the Jedi's are going to put on the table here TC does look beautiful in this transfer She looks great Yeah I mean We know that ultimately they're going to take their laser swords out And then they're going to fight Is that the implication for the beginning? I don't think so because that would be crazy that would be i don't think

they were you know that would be fascism essentially like oh we don't like your trade proposal here's a sword in your face but then once again it is sort of a hostile move to send the jedis to negotiate it is why would you do that well they at least they interpret it as a hostile move we only really know it is a hostile move because they're scared. Okay, but why are they lying? Why didn't the government just say, we'll send over some of our people? Instead, they said, we're sending over ambassadors and they're Jedis. It's hostile because they're lying.

Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, or at least it's a lie of omission. They're not saying, oh, and they're also Jedis. Right. A Jedi Knight, their number one job is to maintain the peace. But they're expertly trained in combat it is actually crucial to note how little this makes sense and how much it hampers the movie from minute one i know it really really hurts it go this is the beginning of the movie

and there's all this talk of like there's a blockade and it's oh here these two characters die goodbye this is a pg movie i know characters die almost instantly oh tc-14 drops the tray but i think each of those characters got in three lines of dialogue so they could probably get a contact yeah they probably got comments yeah i don't think i did but i'm saying they're eligible if they if they were to reboot the comtech program the comtech program makes it sound like some sort of Eisenhower era government. It's very experimental. It's ahead of its time. They literally think the Jedi are dead. It's this weird thing where

one, they're scared of the Jedi. They have no idea what Jedi are like. Some gas. That'll be fine. That's enough. Were you the one who told me this? Or was it on the commentary? They designed the battle droids to have the hips the other way and there was a computer error and then george liked it so much they kept it that way so that's

why they all walk like babies with dirty diaper bod it i didn't know that that's crazy because they walk you know they walk way stuck out yeah they're like ducks i think it was supposed to be the other way around and then it got messed up and he was like no keep it that way and it's like they they kind of have their chests out a little bit this is weird i hadn't noticed it before but there's droids all over everywhere and it's like they're like little administrative assistants you know like they're they're like secretaries wandering around the right main office they're both the combat battle droids and then just like like secretary reading a console yeah that makes no sense these things are moronic well then also and and you know do not mistake the implications of this question what is tc-14 doing there yeah right they just have a full staff of battle droids who

are there for everything then why do they need additional droids to do just tea service do you know what i'm saying like i'm glad they splururged for TC-14 because she is the breakout star of this podcast. But... Now, and then here come the... Oh, and then they have droidekas, too. They've got so many different types of... Which have two names. And again, you're in...

You're five minutes into the movie. You've introduced something that has two different names. They call them droidekas, and then Obi-Wan calls them destroyers. It's like you don't own six different types of laundry detergent. They call them droidekas, and then Obi-Wan calls them destroyers. It's like you don't own six different types of laundry detergent. You might change laundry detergent after you run out of one. Right.

We don't simultaneously have all six. And here they seemingly have every different type of droid. Yeah. All doing different miscellaneous jobs. Right. This is the thing. It's like, on the one hand, they sent two guys over to deal to deal with this right so that makes it seem like kind of a minor thing on the other hand look at this giant invasion army there's a huge blockade of battleships surely this would demand more attention than just like oh yeah

send obi-wan i mean send qui-gon and who's his who's his apprentice right now that that's fine okay first of all quick joke we got to catch you were right about one thing master negotiations are short that's a favorite joke in the movie he's eating he's full on eating right now yep now here's here's my second thought i just here's amadella comity um the battle droids yeah some of them are clearly like commanders yeah they have like um colored yeah right one of them has like a big yellow thing on his belly. Right. On his upper chest, I guess. That guy's got blue shoulders. Those look like the receptionist ones are the ones with the blue shoulders. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Are those regular battle droids who show such excellence in their specialties that they're upgraded and painted? Or do you think they program certain battle droids to be like commander? That's a good question. Is there evolution in the battle droids' existence like commander you i that's a good question is there evolution in the battle droids existence or are they just or is it like let's install the sergeant program and then do the other battle droids go like well that's all the only reason i'm listening to you is because you got the fucking firmware upgrade i could have gotten that too it's the luck of the draw don't fucking pull rank on me now i think that lucas even talks about it you know the point is that they're cheap

right like the trade federation cuts corners with these guys yeah they're bad they're doing they're a bad army right and maybe that's why they're picking on naboo because naboo is just a pathetic little planet that can you know be invaded by these stick robots look at this location though you're now okay we're on naboo this is we're in the throne room of feed yeah all marble columns it's so flat like there's pauses between every line everyone no one's sitting near each other like it's the most... Pinaka's just standing there. No character in this film acts like a real human being. And it's... Yeah, that's true.

So it's either, like, this very, very stilted drive. People just speak in exposition. Right. Or you have characters like Jar Jar and Wado who are, like, all personality. Yeah, they're just... But their personality's based on, like, hackneyed, like fucking buddy hackett right fucking party record routines no track six on buddy hackett's third party record is like the jewish alien gotten to jar jar and you're already bad the jewish alien the ships are landing another thing um amidala

says i will not condone a course of action that leads us to war like what what is she talking about they don't have an army what course of action is she talking about i'm not gonna accept very clear in the least funny way possible that they don't have an army we're keepers of the peace i know that's qui-gon says that i like what do you make of the design of all this stuff i love it yeah you like the drill i really kind do. Yeah. The holograms are so cool in this movie. I like the holograms can change size. Yes. So we just saw a big size Sidious, and now it's a little new Gunray.

Little new Gunray and the other guy. And Laudad? Is that the other one? No, I just got him in the trading card app today. What's his name? Runiku. Yes, that's it. Yeah.

I'm not crazy about the big AT-AT ships. I do love the... They're a little personality lacking. What are they called? The Staps? The little motorbike kind of? They look like Segways? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The flying Segways? I love those. Yeah, those are cool. And here we go. So, okay, how far? Right now, we're currently at... How do I... What button do I push in your remote?

I want to figure out what the entrance of Jar Jar is. So, it's 11 minutes in. Jar Jar shows up. Qui-Gon knocks him out of the way. Oh, God. Already? God, his, like... The subtitles are mooey, mooey.

The subtitles of Jar Jar are really damning. You almost got us killed. Are you brainless? I spake. Jesus Christ, Jar Jar. No, no, Mesa stay. Yeah, you're just going to read every Jar Jar. Mesa cold, Jar Jar stay. You're just going to read every Jar Jar. Misa cold Jar Jar Binks.

How's that called? I mean, it's like it's broken English, but they're also phonetically spelling out the words he mispronounces. Well, the correct words he uses. Yeah, right. Oh, God. You see, this shot looks really good. This shot looks really crisp Some of them look a little blurry

And I think it's just they just didn't give a shit Jar Jar looks okay He's very much Obviously Inserted after the fact I think it's a faithful reproduction Of how Jar Jar looked in theaters But the technology itself is a little creaky now

It's a little creaky I mean it's the beginning of something That now we just take How Drudger looked in theaters. But the technology itself is a little creaky now. It's a little creaky. I mean, it's the beginning of something that now we just take as a matter of fact in movies. Yes. Here's another thing. Weta Digital, the company that did Lord of the Rings movies, Gollum, King Kong, now the Planet of the Apes films. Oh, they do them too? Yes.

Which, for my money, are as good as any use of CGI. I agree. They're sort of the Apes films. Oh, they do them too? Yes. Which for my money are as good as any use of CGI. I agree. They're sort of the motion capture kings. Those guys. They invented, I think, a lot of the technology that gets used by everybody now. And I think the big thing they pioneered was trying to build a proper musculature

underneath the characters. Sure. Okay. So they don't just create a rig, to use animation terms, where it's like, here's the design of the character and then we'll just add joints in it. They go like, where are the bones established? They build the bones digitally and they put the muscles on top so that the muscles have the right tension and sort of torsion when they

flex and whatever it is and then put the flesh over it, figure out what sort of consistency or translucency the flesh has and then animate the character over it figure out what sort of consistency or translucency the flesh has and then animate the character i see what you're saying so it's all built underneath so that when they animate it everything moves accordingly and jarger definitely feels like from an era before that where his limbs are just made of spaghetti yeah he's just wobbling around and they're maybe that's one reason they make him so cartoonish because it sort of covers that

because he's always flopping around. Right. Because he's such a fool. Right. The Gungan City is pretty. It's very beautiful. I mean, they say in the commentary that was the moment when the screen... Yeah, they really loved it.

Everyone freaked out. This looks kind of soft, the transfer. Does it not? This looks a little blurry. This looks like DVD. Yeah. The water is tough. The water is tough.

This must have been a pain in the ass for Liam Neeson and McGregor to shoot this. They're just in a tank surrounded by green screens looking at nothing. I like the Gungan City okay, but it doesn't have a ton of personality, if you ask me. Once you're inside these little bubbles, there's nothing. There's no set. It's just floors it's boring and also like it's just like the idea that this is the sort of second class race yeah naboo makes no sense because they seem so advanced their technology is so much better yeah

like it'd be one thing if they were literally just underwater people living in the ocean. Wait, hold on. This is my favorite line coming up. Captain Tar Pulse. You said big doo-doo this time. It's not funny. It's so funny. It's just not funny. He's a serious, he's a captain of the army. He's like in charge.

How was your time? You do this time. What was I going to say? The Jedis just walked in from the sea, right? Yeah, right, right, right. Their clothes should be wet, by the way. They are not. Okay, they're a little wet.

They should be dripping. Oh, that's what you were going to say. And Qui-Gon's hair should be like he just came out of the shower. Yeah. This should be the setup for one of your slash porn uh fan fiction they have to dry themselves off with each other's mouth yeah they have to like go to the the gungan changing room they have to blow hot air on each other uh they go our hand dryers are down you got to use each other um this is but i just want to read like they have built atlantis like this is a crowning achievement yeah in civilization these fish

people have built this immense galactic underwater kingdom and uh and and they're supposed to be the idiots yes and they talk like uh talk like dummies all right qui-gon qui-on uses his Jedi mind trick. I forgot about that. Oh, right. You got a text there? I did, yeah. He's trying to do scheduling stuff. But look at the way Boss Nass moves, because it's like he's supposed to be fat, he's got sort of like an excess of flesh hanging off his face.

But it doesn't move in correspondence with his movement. Do you know what I'm saying yeah it's like they're separately that that's like the big thing what it did was they were like if we program if we animate a movement then the skin i understand what you're saying simulator we've created the muscle simulator will all follow suit and move accordingly and boss nasa it's like someone's animating his mouth and then someone's animating his jowls it's almost like puppetry like it's more like uh old school yeah yeah he doesn't look great boss and ass looks worse than jar jar no question yeah i think the

fat doesn't do him anything maybe there's less uh being put into him anyway just because i imagine jar jar was the a plus assignment at the visual effects You know what I mean like Jar Jar They threw the biggest yeah Even look at how badly like the fabric moves You know what I'm saying like the fabric looks like rubber On like his on his cloak because it like doesn't Drape properly Um so

Uh I just you know I'd re you know Age of Ultron I was just watching Age of Ultron uh the other day You saw it again? I saw I've seen it three times Jesus really? And that's enough Because I'm still kind of mixed on it you know age of ultron i was just watching age of ultron uh the other day let's start again i saw i've seen it three times jesus really that's enough because i'm still kind of mixed on it but i'm a little mixed on it too but three three i mean one was a press screening so you know i paid twice to see it let me re-see i'm not kind of mixed i'm pretty damn mixed on it sure that's okay yeah it doesn't multiple viewings does not help it i'll put it that

way sure you know it does comes off like tv more and more the more you watch it you know It doesn't, multiple viewings does not help it. I'll put it that way. Sure. You know, it does, comes off like TV more and more the more you watch it, you know? Yes. And, um, but the thing that I was interesting about it is that the Hulk is great in it. Okay. They, they literally, the visual effects are. Yeah, it looks amazing. And you, you kind of, you know, you think back to just 10 years ago or so where people

were saying like, can that even be done? Right. The Ang Lee movie is, what, 2003? Yes. And it doesn't work in the Ang Lee movie. They try, but it's not a great effect. I do love the Ang Lee movie. I love it, too.

Jesus Christ. It is crazy how far we've come But it also just feels like I know there are limitations Of technology and I know it's like I mean Criticizing the CGI feels a little like Complaining about like

Movies being black and white it's like well the thing It just had I'm just saying it's amazing how quickly That's been solved Yes I also think the people working on this Didn't make the right decisions if that makes sense criticizing it i know i know i'm just saying it's amazing how quickly that's been solved yes i also think the people working on this didn't make the right decisions if that makes sense on this movie on this movie oh yeah i think there were limitations in the technology but also it's poorly executed even for its time i feel like there are other films with cgi from this

era that pulled it off better okay um do Do you have any in particular that you're thinking of? Well, it's organic creatures, so it's like I was going to say, Toy Story obviously still holds up better in terms of the animation. They don't have to deal with muscles and stuff like that. The kids in Toy Story look terrible. They do look terrible. They look worse than

Andy and Sid. Their faces are really... Look at these robots in the background. Did you see those? That's a different type of robot marching. There's a lot of robots in this movie. This is another type of robot that we have not seen yet in the film and have never seen before. They have seven different classes of robots on this fucking Trade Federation donut. I want to say the bongo ride through the ocean is just without stakes.

ride through the ocean is just without stakes. And it's the problem of the Jedi, where they are so calm under any kind of pressure that it never seems like they're in trouble. Agreed. Even though, look, it's like the lights are going out, uh-oh, because they got attacked, and Jar Jar's freaking out, we're going to die. And Qui-Gon's just like, just chill out. And Jar Jar's always worried. So Jar Jar being afraid doesn't mean anything to us.

No, who cares? We can't relate to him. he's so annoying yeah he's also he's um here's there's a crocodile thing yeah great monsters back he's presented as the idiot so you don't relate to him i feel like to make a star wars movie work you would need a jedi and then you'd need sort of like an every man or every woman character to be like wait what's going on yeah you you need some kind of just uh i don't know like a fighter pilot or just like a like a like a charming scoundrel yeah you know like a lovable we've talked about it before it'd be great uh like a vince vaughn now qui-gon is going to deliver another or no did he already do it

there's always a big fish i think we missed that it's another of the like straight to the camera jokes in this movie it's just like boom and it's not funny this whole sequence just feels like because it's not like a thrilling action sequence under the sea there's a nice visual showing off the creatures are great as as spotlighted in the battle bag line of toys i don't know if they're great they're okay i think they look cool they look okay but that looks good look at that that looks great that's a real clean feed yeah that's great um but this is a little soft this is my maybe my favorite shot in the movie is so little it is a great light bulbs in the giraffe it's such a great job the shot of emma doll looking out the window

is what we're talking about it is a great great shot it's just very you wish it was for a better movie yeah these compositions are beautiful. I mean, whenever he has a wide establishing shot, he's good at blocking, you know? Yeah, he is. And his team, I assume. Yeah, but George does have, I think, a really good eye for framing.

This is the scene where, when the bongo emerges in feed, where George, on the commentary is like this is all fake this is nothing nothing is real nothing is real yeah then these palaces must be real i don't know where this is somewhere in this is somewhere in italy right because they shot this stuff in italy the marble staircases and stuff i think this is our first appearance of cure nightly yep here's cure nightly as queen amidala and it's pretty much the moment the Trade Federation arrives. Yep. Sabé.

You know, I was thinking about that thing where, in our last episode, I forget who it was, was talking about how xenophobic this movie is, and it's really apparent here. Yes. Just how creepy and gross the Neimoidians are. It's fear of the other. Fear of the other. Seriously. This is a real like you know the Goths invading the Roman Empire. You know it's like

the beauty and the stately ancient civilization being taken down by these like gross blubber men. I can't even like dissect the logic of this from honesty to see like i want to point out everything that doesn't make sense it doesn't follow at all yeah the jedis like it's also half-assed there's like eight droids yeah to escort the entire naboo like royal procession i don't totally understand why they feel the need to destroy the droids why

they didn't feel they could just stop down and be like hey amidala come with us well i guess because one we need some action but two the droids are just so useless they probably can't even be reasoned with yeah they just attack right i guess yeah it just feels like very low stakes to to like start doing back flips and like fucking like light rapier tricks yeah by the way giving the jedi huge attitude right after they save his ass he's like your negotiations didn't really work did they and he's like we never even negotiate i feel for qui-gon there so that was another character who maybe gets 15 minutes of screen time in this film you have no idea who the fuck he's supposed to be is he the butler right is he the prime minister like he could be anything anaka ostensibly

that's a great shot by the way kira knightley and then natalie portman over her shoulder looking over it's a good that's a terrific shot um is that sofia coppola behind her i can't tell uh no sofia coppola i think is the one further behind oh yeah you're right i just saw her yeah um again this other thing yeah that's coppola in between the two yeah this other thing where they're like oh i hope that the galactic senate sides with us yeah when we go petition them they sent the jedi aren't they already siding with them i don't know none of this makes sense i think it's not addressed in this movie but i don't think there is an army for like the galactic senate and i think that's part of it it's sort of like the un you know they don't really have much past the jedis the jedis is their only peacekeeping force right but they're just kind of like so maybe this movie is about like the rise of militarism

like the trade federation built their own actual planet-invading army, and that's like a new stone being thrown at things. That's why everyone's so ill-equipped for it. I don't know. I'm talking out of my ass a little bit. Can I say another thing? This movie is called Star Wars. Wars, that's true.

There aren't really wars going on in this film. No, a war is brewing Brewing Uh So Yeah the Jedi are liberating The very small Naboo

Defense force Taking out some droids Droids are so easy to kill Yeah they're so It's Again The lack of stakes is an issue Yeah

Uh You know There's a scene A couple minutes ago Where Pinaka's like, oh, there's a bunch of them. And Qui-Gon just says, eh, it won't be a problem. You know, like, that's what it's like. All right, so here, he's down in, Jar Jar is down in the droid room.

And apparently, according to George Lucas, there's a whole scene cut where he's just running around and the droids are all like knocking him over and stuff which i really wish we could we could have in the movie because it would just be so awful there's the blockade all right so now there's the blockade they shoot at the royal starship whatever what's it called and royal starfighter now we have this uh oh god rick o'lea so it. Such bad line readings. Such bad line readings. She sits at a console, waits for the droids to fix things. Like, what's he doing? Can I point something out? Like, this is that endless rabbit hole of logic that I don't even want to go down.

I just want to say, I do really love the droids fixing the thing. It's a cool image. Them getting blown off. Knocked off one by one. Do you think their feet are magnetized, or are they just actually going it's like practically going at light speed right like right their feet is tough i see like that last shot where you saw r2's little robot arm putting yes i love it because it's so fucking practical and tactile because the rest of the ship it's's like this fucking silver CGI thing.

Compare it to the bongo scene where it's all just cartoon. This is great. Yeah. And then, bam, right? They're going to, no, maybe not. Hyperdrive is leaking. Yeah, right, whatever. Wouldn't that call it like a rip in the space time continuum?

We're talking about faster than light speed. Yeah, where's it leaking to? what the hell is the hyperdrive if space is infinite and the hyperdrive is leaking does it just leak forever do you know what i'm saying does the leak go straight down into infinity i do not know like the general concept of hyperdrive faster than light travel is that we enter another dimension right the idea we go into subspace to essentially like leapfrog yeah you know so i don't know can you imagine if it so it's like leaking like like whatever like gasoline liquid right right and then it just drips and then you're walking around on your planet of course some

hyperdrive fluid like leaks onto you you're like where'd that come from and it was like oh that's that was two years ago two years ago this ship 5 000 light years away so here sidious is talking to the people but and he's sitting before he was standing i like the idea that he's like no i'll sit in the chair oh and there's the introduction yeah the holograms can change size they can change poses we're right because if he's sitting right now he seems to be sitting in that chair you can see the chair behind him and through him, right? So is he on the other end? In a parallel chair?

Right, is he sitting on a chair, but that chair isn't part of the hologram, so instead it looks like he's sitting on the physical chair there? I guess so. And vice versa, right? The Neimoidians are sitting in holographic chairs at his end. Yeah, right? All right, so now R2 is being um he's being praised by panaka who's i do like panaka's reading here because yeah he's good

he throws a little spin on it r2 is all banged up again i love that the the scoring in the dirt so this is here nightly still and natalie portman is assigned to clean him we talked about this yeah how it's like a weird power move from kira knightley to assign the queen to like clean up this dirty droid yeah also wash my feet you know yeah totally if i were sabe right now i would just have her do everything because you have to remember um a lot of these handmaidens are people who lost the election yeah right of course right so this is your chance that's the weird thing yeah and here she is cleaning him who's our usa asks jar jar he's a shit guy

nally portman is uh gorgeous she looks great she does have god she's got like and i like her perfect face for the pictures yeah yeah perfect face for the pictures i say what are these these things behind them these little ball suitcases yeah little lockers filled i don't know maybe that's some of her dresses it looks like a stupid shape for a for a suitcase you know it's like a little pod yeah i never thought about the design of the starship. There's weird, like, desk chairs, too. Yeah, for a while.

And you gotta think, like, somebody did all that, you know? Some production designing assistant, you know? I was like, this ship is so big from the outside. There's so much of it we're not seeing. That's true. Although it's so slender. It's not very tall. I feel like there's some additional rooms.

They're landing on Tatooine. That happens pretty fast. Yeah. I guess it's just barely a first act before we're on Tatooine. God, this broken hyperdrive looks so cool. I wish I could buy a toy of it. So they sense a disturbance in the forest. All right.

Yeah, I do. Just to get back to the hyperdrive for a second yeah i think it's not explained qui-gon r2 yeah jar jar and padme the old gang yeah that without any consultation consultation that's who goes out um to uh tatooine and panaka doesn't come with him, right? He just hands off Padme. I mean, look. Panaka is not dressed for Tatooine right now. He is wearing all leather. He would just sweat to death. I do love, I mean, I guess it's part of her disguise,

but even the handmaidens dress to the nines. And this Padme outfit is like a fucking potato sack. Yeah, it's not a very flattering outfit. So they walking by the way they're just gonna walk that's like a long walk why not park closer yeah or do you have like a little shuttle or something speeder some of these background design guys are amazing yeah this is pretty good that really tall alien there we're on mosespa right now We're in Mos Espa The city of Mos Espa

On the planet Tats They're on the outskirts right now They're sort of wandering in We're entering the city There's probably a sign That says no entry I didn't notice that Padme's hair Is freaking long

Oh yeah It's crazy It's down to her butt And it's in like these crazy braids Oh that's a bust And she also has the braid Around her head too She's got like sort of

A frame around her face Of braids And so And then Qui-Gon mentions There's moisture farms Which is kind of a cool idea That looks like terrible that looks awful that whatever that creature

is creature walking behind them and yeah it's just obvious like they all look rubbery yeah they look shitty oh here we go I can tell the water still kind of looks good yeah water looks good I think they may have cleaned him up a little bit yeah

lots of Nubian I think they may have cleaned him up a little bit. Yeah. Lots of Nubian. He speaks Huttese. Yeah. He is not Huttese. He just speaks it because they rule the planets. I didn't even think about that. That's the language being spoken in Tatooine is Huttese.

It's not like some other language. Here's the crazy thing. Watto probably speaks three languages. Yeah, because he must speak toydarian whatever that must he speaks huttese and he speaks english very well what is the point of jar jar god they bring him in here he's already fucking things up he's so stupid and he's and he's arrogant too they tell him don't do this and he sticks his tongue out so here's a scene with oh here are you an angel which is a terrible line reading but then you got that great cut to padme looking at him yeah and she is angelic she looks gorgeous she does look like an angel and he's adorable too but yeah he cannot read these lines at all no uh poor jake lloyd

again i like the background though there's that thing moving in the background anything that's physical looks great yeah um that's cool things are awesome yeah man all my life all right i don't mean to rag on this guy but you you know what's Camera Jackson? Yes. Oh, yeah. It's kind of the same thing where it's like three, I think. He's like hitting lines in this really, really practiced kid actor kind of way that just takes you

right out of the moment. Well, that's the thing with LCJ. I'm just walking around with a pit droid. This sucks. The thing with LCJ is that he very clearly just studied the way that tv film critics talk right it's and yeah exactly broadcast film critics it's a totally like yeah it's less about the content of what he's saying and more about like but unfortunately this film it's gene shall it right yeah so he's got like those rhythms down and jake lloyd i think he's doing the same things

except with his parents line readings in the trailer you know yeah like his mom was not an actress probably wanted to be an actress failed pushed him into this i love how you have yeah you've developed this whole like backstory for jake lloyd's yeah uh fucked up jake jake pay attention pay attention say it like this at least i think so since i was three i think yeah uh qui gon is trying to trick wado and Watto is not picking up on the fact that this guy's obviously a Jedi. What, you think you're some kind of Jedi? Implying that Watto, in his mind,

there's no chance that this guy's a Jedi. I guess maybe that's the idea of Tatooine, and it's just so backwater, but then why has he hurt a Jedi? He's hurt a Jedi. He goes, what, you think you're some kind of, he doesn't go, what are you, some kind of Jedi? He goes, oh, so you're a crazy person who thinks he's a jedi occam's razor bro

he's probably a jedi especially since he came from naboo he already told you he came from he's looking for a hyperdrive this isn't like some like sack of shit just wandering in and looking for some nuts and bolts what is jar Jar Jar's fucking literally you said nuts and bolts and Jar Jar's literally juggling nuts and bolts in the background he's got like nuts and bolts in his mouth and his hands and he's throwing them up in the air yeah and now we have this jar he can't even walk out the door without doing something funny now we have this moment where wado and anakin have this very nice little moment together where they're he's like they're both speaking Huttese now? Yeah, he's like, you can't get out of here.

Yippee! And he says, yippee. This shot of Watto is great. It implies that Watto's going to be crucial to things, whereas really he's just kind of a plot hiccup. No, Watto really is Anakin's dad. I mean, even if not biologically, which I argue he is. He raised Anakin. Oh yeah I mean, even if not biologically, which I argue he is. He raised Anakin. Oh, yeah, sure, sure, sure.

You know? I mean, one imagines maybe Anakin was just born with a mechanical sense as part of his force of disease. I know Wado probably liked it. But I think, yeah, you got to assume Wado has been teaching him this stuff from day one. I'm not endorsing slavery. I'm not either.

I'm just saying, like, you know, that's what he's got. That's all he's got and i'd say four oh my god here we go gragra yeah it's really early selling those gorgs so they're the gorgs who look like little people upside down according to which toy you check some people call them chubbas oh graga looks great looks great because it's a real costume yeah also gregor's voice is so deep it's so messed i always forget it's the deepest like it's like james earl jones james earl jones would be great in a star wars movie actually yeah he'd be good he's got the right kind of voice to voice an alien or something like that and i feel like he has that regal presence but he always has character he never feels like a dumb fucking cipher character.

Here's Sebulba, by the way, who doesn't look perfect. He looks OK, though. The face is kind of well animated. Have we talked about what kind of stereotype Sebulba is? What is he? I don't know. He's sort of like, I mean, in Tatooine, there's this general kind of Bedouin, Middle East trade. It's like they're in Morocco or something.

He's a little swarthy. Yeah. And because Sebulba looks like a camel, which he does, that kind of feeds into that, right? He's sort of a Middle Eastern. Yeah. But then again, he's also a racer, a corrupt, like, I don't know. You know, his character doesn't really follow with his look. He also, his tendrils

look like sort of like a fu manchu mustache that's true that's true but also could be like little dreadlocky kind of things maybe that's the solution because neither of us find so bulb offensive so maybe you take like six different stereotypes a bunch of different stereotypes that's totally good idea because the other ones are all so focused it's like check check check check all those line up with dumb propaganda cartoons you know so now there's a sandstorm so they have to why are they with anakin this isn't explained this old lady my bones are aching this this woman her bones are aching because she can sense the storm that woman is right out of a mad max movie though it's kind of weird because she can sense the storm. That woman is right out of a Mad Max movie, though. It's kind of weird, because she even has, like, an Australian accent for some reason.

Yeah, and even her clothing, her dirtied face. Sandstorms are very dangerous. Anakin's life seems to be pretty good here. For, like, a slave? Like, everyone knows him. Yeah, it's true. Yeah, he's sort of friendly with all the locals. And, you know, he lives in this little apartment building.

Wado, for how gruff he is, does seem to treat him well treat him well you know what i'm saying like he treats him like an equal kind of especially because it's we're not really seeing anything better than anakin's quarters anakin's little hut so we don't know how bad this is and my guess is it's not that bad i think it's probably like this house seems fine yeah but then again you know he is not a free person so and he works but he's also problems but he is everyone like that old lady with the with the storm bones is is looks even dirtier it's true than he does you know i'm saying like it's all open market like selling like this just it's just it's it's almost like it's fan service but for fans who like why does he have a protocol droid no idea it just makes no sense you would build like a fucking lacrosse racket in the

background do you see that lacrosse racket hanging up there oh yeah yeah yeah a little scooper or a highlight is that the one maybe it's a highlight yeah because lacrosse is like a little net yeah it looks like highlight um because that right highlight is the thing they play in tron right uh that's right right yeah um i love tron uh oh let's do a tron let's do a tron episode i wrote a paper on tron in college really yeah about how it is about like the personalization of religion in post-war america can i tell tron story just because who fucking cares about phantom man god it's so bad uh i love tron yeah tron's great uh i saw it when i was no movie that looks like tron no before or since including tron legacy

no movie looks you know what i think tron legacy looks great i don't think it's a great movie i agree but i think it's a beautifully designed film movie yeah it looks great um but it's a totally different design aesthetic my big problem with tron is tron legacy is that just the plot where it's like oh and then these these weird life forms appeared and there's no explanation of what they are i yeah legacy drives me crazy tron is also like surprisingly kind of straightforward once you get through all the backstory it's dense at the beginning but then it's like he's got to find his way out of here yeah yeah but there's so much there's a lot of richness oh here we are coruscant sorry i just wanted the whole plant's a city so this little balcony is their apartment yeah they is

it that no see now now i'm thinking maybe this is a street because there's lamps. Ooh, interesting. So maybe they're just taking a stroll through Coruscant, which is kind of a crazy idea that Coruscant is just this city on stilts. This is like a Jetson city. Is there no ground? Maybe there's no ground. We never see a ground. Maybe the ground is all homeless people.

Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. So that's kind of a Judge Dredd thing. Right. Yeah. And the ground looks like Tatooine where like everyone is in dirty drags or did you ever play deus ex human revolution no where it's like yeah there's like the ground people are very poor and then everyone who's fancy lives up in this like above level can i talk about one thing quickly

and i'll get back to my tron story yeah uh disney infinity my favorite video game franchise which i've never played essentially the only video game i play yes uh has announced at 3.0 the next installment is star wars focus oh cool so disney infinity is a game meant for children makes sense because they have the license now right it's a game for children that i've spent thousands of dollars on that's crazy thousands i added up i spent at least a thousand dollars that's that's insane yeah absolutely insane yeah i think right because you know the big thing is you get it's a game that combines digital and physical no i i know you buy these you buy physical figurines you place them on a base that you plug into your console

and that lets you play as those characters in the game but they're also these playset pieces that you put down it's a rip-off it's a rip-off that is and then the power discs that give you like power-up abilities weapons vehicles things like most games that's all built into the game which costs fifty dollars i know this makes you buy separate things that cost money that's crazy the power discs come in blind packs it's like a trading card okay okay and so you buy two power discs for five dollars you don't know what you're gonna get so you might get dupes i have so many dupes that's where i spent most of my money it's just buying power discs and getting all these dupes is there like a rare uncommon common yeah of course well no it's just rare and common okay it's clear or red and the red ones are rare but the stupid thing or and red

and orange are rare but the stupid thing is that um i have like in collecting, gotten, like, four dupes of a rare and failed to find one of a coin, a disc that's ostensibly common. Okay. Clearly, it's all random. Where are you going with this? So they're adding Star Wars. Oh, my God, so exciting.

Phantom Menace, not my favorite movie, but we spent so much time on it. I'll get to play as all my favorite Phantom Menace characters. One fucking Phantom Menace character, the rest of it's Expanded Universe. Really really so what's the one character darth maul right and then it's not even qui-gon or no that's crazy oh obi-wan's in it but it's a different obi it's like it's an older yeah yeah we talked it's like expanded universe obi-wan um and anakin it's

like a it's like an adult anakin too was it well is there, look, we haven't even talked about the second movie much yet, because we haven't gotten into that yet. We're still focusing on The Phantom Menace. Yeah, we'll talk about that later. Wait, what was your Tron story? My Tron story is, I love Tron. I would talk to everyone about how great Tron was. No one gave a shit.

People threw fucking apples at my head. As they should. Yeah. People threw the fucking apples at my head As they should Yeah So I'm in school and it was like one of those Like half days maybe Before like a holiday Like a four day weekend where all the teachers are like I don't want to teach a fucking class

Can we do a special thing so that we don't have to teach a class And our computer teacher was like I'll show the kids Tron And he was like what and he was like I'll give a little speech Explaining how Tron correlates to computer programming and we'll all watch tron together sure and i spent the whole week being like guys you are in for it you were pumping everyone up for tron which was a stupid thing to do in retrospect yes yeah i was like guys get ready for tron i mean if it's 1982 and you've never seen a movie like that before maybe i think it was 2001 yeah so people have seen movies

like that since then. They've seen movies that are technologically advanced, is all I mean. I love the story of Tron. I love the characters. I thought everyone else was going to get on board. So I tell everyone, get ready for Tron. Start watching Tron.

Immediately, everyone hates it. They're like, what the fuck is this? Tron has like five title cards at the beginning explaining the backstory of the film. Sure. That I heard they added later after test screens because the audience couldn't follow what the fuck was happening fair enough so they see these title cards and it's immediately like they're just bored out of their mind i'm so bored so everyone's like joking and fucking throwing shit each other and kids are probably fingering each other yeah school is not a good no yeah we're

in like a classroom on like the top floor of the building the lights are off it's crazy that wanda just accepts he has the starship because obi-wan i mean qui-gon has a picture of the starship yeah he's like oh he's like great is that is that how things work like you can't have that picture if you don't have the ship does he just accept it on faith can't you just take me to it well we parked it like two days away. Why? You know, this is a space port. You can park here. The city is tiny and it's covered by sand. What, 90% of this planet isn't populated?

Yeah, jeez. So just park as close to the city limits as you can. Anyway, I hop up Tron. Everyone's bored. They're fingering each other. Okay. Girls are fingering boys. Yeah, true.

And the teacher, like after 30 minutes, 45 minutes, 45 minutes whatever it is is like you guys aren't paying attention and they're like but we can't follow what's going on and he's like look if you don't want to watch tron we can all go back and we'll give you fucking homework to do he didn't say fucking but i'm trying to replicate the intensity of the situation okay everyone's like no that's not fair we should have to do homework just because we hit your stupid boring movie and someone raises their hand and they're like but at this point we're so deep into it that we can't even follow it because it doesn't make any sense how are we going to keep watching we'd have to start from the beginning we don't know what's going on no one knows what's going on right now i can see where this is going and someone raises

their hand and they go i think griffin knows what's going on right and so you stand up and you just lay out Tron for them? I had to stand up in front of my entire seventh grade class and explain what was going on in Tron. I bet that was well received. Horribly received. Horribly received. But how does this relate to this? It wasn't.

We talked about Tron for a second and it just reminded me of a Tron story. You just reminded me of this great Tron story? We could just talk about Phantom Menace for two hours and 20 minutes. I'm already fucking bored of this movie. Oh,'s here he's talking to his little so this is interesting that's the comtech communicator right that's the common link communicator that's then turned into the comtech chip reader yeah the comtech chip reader is in actuality huge right you mentioned i mean the chips are pretty big on their own right and i'd say like the the uh the com tech reader is like the size of like a poland spring water bottle right and in this

film it's tiny yeah it looks like an ipod nano yeah it's not big at all yeah it's basically like just a little microphone like a tiny tiny little yeah so at that point in time they were like if we're gonna put in the technology that's able to read microchips, it has to be the size of a water bottle. Yeah. And now we have iPhones that are smaller than that. That's true. That can do everything. I mean, that is the funniest thing about any sci-fi thing.

Star Trek has the pads. Right. And on the one hand, you're like, ooh, this is an iPad. They nailed it. But then when you watch Star Trek, you realize, no, each pad basically functions like a piece of paper because sometimes people are being handed like multiple yeah so it's like they're so close and yet way off the mark at the same time and trying to predict what the future is gonna look like they can each only serve one function i mean it is literally i just watched an episode of star trek where someone is like and here's one ship registry and here's the other and it's like

you couldn't just like swipe between them no they don't they don't get that okay here's my boy wald standing on top of a box yeah so here's anakin's friends again we should note anakin's life not so bad plenty of kids his own age all of these kids that's the question are all of these kids slaves or is anakin as a slave treated and dressed to the nines per tattooing most aespa styles now I think these kids are all slaves all these kids have ruddy faces their hairs and not Emily Osmond doesn't she play that little kid there really I'm not sure

I made I may be just talking about talking about your butt okay so now in the background of the shot deep focus here Jar Jar is trying to fix the pod racer there's the laser beams between the two this scene which apparently is invariably tense according to uh for kids uh yeah and now now oh is this feels like it should uh have some bearing on the plot like maybe we're the purple laser is gonna make look at how good that tactile the the hand. That's an actual physical hand. It looks great.

That's also, that's an odd man best in a Jar Jar suit. Oh really? For the insert shots. When you just have the feet or the hands. I just made up that Emily Osment thing. Nice. He was wearing a Jar Jar body suit on set. Yeah, no, I know. So there's a couple shots where it's just his.

We talked about this. Whenever his face isn't, and it looks so much better. It does, yeah. really i hate this because i think i want i just want this no one's noticing him oh no finally my tongue is fat annie yeah i mean annie just says like it should have some bearing the purple laser should come into play again and it doesn't he says get a part of your body caught in the in laser thing. You'll be numb for hours. Yeah. Hours. It's like, geez, that's a long time.

Right. A lot of things go wrong. Instead, it's like we have 40 seconds of Jar Jar not being able to speak properly. Yeah. And then it's never addressed again. Honestly, he actually speaks a little better with his tongue numbed. Maybe that's the trick. If we cut out Jar Jar's tongue, he'd speak like a normal human being.

This doesn't make sense, by the way. He turns on the engines, but the thing doesn't go. Is it in neutral or something? I don't know, but he says it's working. It's not moving at all. It's just spinning. Yeah. I mean, Ben Quadraneros thought it was spinning.

This scene is so creepy. This is the creepiest scene. This is the blood. He's cleaning Anakin's wounds. And it's just the two of them. They are not being... There's no chaperone here. Yeah.

And really, I know I'm just kind of kidding around when i say qui-gon's like this kind of uh child abducting like slave man but he really kind of is yeah just he just as he's cleaning it he just slips the old blood tester on him and uh steals his blood and what are you doing checking your blood for infections he can't tell him um you're looking at your star wars card trader app i just got a notification from the star wars card trader app that the dagobah pack is now there's a dagobah pack okay it said dagobah pack six cards includes brown and green dagobah insert cards we haven't gotten brown cards before that's a new color

odds yellow one percent fuck i still think i'm gonna buy darcidious pack for 30 i've saved up my credits let's see who i get you got lobot lobot got him captain tarples i have like three of him mace windu so here's the thing i'm still trying to get like i'm only missing like 20 golds and other than that i have all the base cards i had every white red blue and yellow that's crazy you're so much further ahead of me i'm only 20 golds away so i'd rather save up 30 credits and spend it on you know i get a city is pack because getting dupe golds and yellows you can use them for trading it's more beneficial for me in trading than if i use like if i buy a Dagobah pack or, for say, a Rebels pack.

Yeah. I'm going to get a lot of whites. If I'm lucky, an insert, but I'm going to want to hold on to that insert. Right, the inserts are not tradable. And the dupes I'm going to get are not valuable. It is pretty exciting when you get an insert. Oh, god.

When you get an insert. So here's Darth Maul surveying the town. Also lands very far from Tatooine. But with him, it makes sense because he doesn't want to be seen. His ship, by the way, is very cool. So cool. And then he has these probe droidy things that are also cool. So cool. These little cameras that he sends out.

Darth Maul is this movie's biggest failing. He should be all over this movie. But we agree the sequel has got to be Darth Maul. Yeah, Attack of the Clones. We already figured that out. There are a lot of cases where they kill off a villain in the first movie, and they bring him back for the second because the fans demand it.

I assume that's what they did with Attack of the Clones. It's weird that our memories are so fuzzy about that period, considering that we remember seeing Phantom Menace so clearly. I know. And I saw Attack of the Clones three times, no question. I saw it twice, maybe three times. We're not here to talk about Attack of the clones three times no question i saw it twice maybe three times we're not here to talk about attack of the clones yet it's all quick story about seeing it that doesn't relate

to the movie at all okay um i uh this this relates back to this is the running story of my middle school years uh attack the clones comes out i think i'd seen it already two times in theaters don't remember anything about it but apparently i I loved it. Yeah. Probably thought it was the best movie ever made up until that point. I'm sure. My two friends, Cody and Molly, were dating. Okay. So this is 2002? You can't be very old.

No, I was 13. Okay. They were dating, had been dating maybe for like two years. All right. We all thought Cody and Molly were going to get married. Did they get married? No. No.

Okay. Molly was my oldest childhood friend. I've known Molly since she was like three. Sure um i haven't seen her in a little while now cody was like my best guy friend they were dating their parents understandably were like we don't want you going doing stuff on your own you're 13 year olds and you're dating who knows what you could get up to it's true so you like what if we hang out with griffin wait dude the chance the chance cube blue it's the boy red uh his mother so wado is willing to sacrifice uh shmi and then yeah the chance cube can't talk enough about how stupid it is the chance cube is 50 50 it's just it's just the most ridiculous thing in the world

red the boy blue his mother green you owe me a back massage turquoise like it should be like infinite yeah yeah you know you should be rolling a 20-sided die yeah purple another roll um i go see attack the clones with cody and molly because that was the thing they want to go see movies i get you movies are the one place without adult supervision where they could mess around. It's trusted that, God, Griffin, no wonder you have such a weird relationship with

sex and women. Right? Because all I did, my life was always I was the guy. You were the third. The parents were like, oh, if Griffin's there, no sex is going to happen. And so what happened was I would sit next to two people having sex yeah you were you were just there as uh everyone else was uh discovering their bodies right figuring out yeah all this stuff and you would just sort of sit there and like smile and not so this was the summer of 2002 and that week i

remember distinctly every day that because all of us were about to go off to summer camp so it was like one of those last weeks between like school ended and summer camp again uh and it began uh between school ending and summer camp beginning and um every day that week i just want to point out this background guy with the skull face i think is awesome he's got like a space suit and a rocket pack and it's orange and he's got a skull face the pod race is beginning which we've already covered in the video so i'm going to talk about cody molly just just do this for a couple more minutes yeah every day that week we went to go see a movie together okay at the united artists union square 14 sure now it's a regal theater but at the time it was a union square united artists no yeah understood important details here yeah

every day that week we'd go see a movie okay and i'd sit next to them and they'd give each other hand chops you know gross and i would just watch a movie and a lot of these movies were movies i'd already seen because i'm a lunatic and i see every movie yeah yeah yeah so they'd always ask for my advice they'd be like griffin what movie should we see today right and i'd be like we should go see scooby-doo okay i was a big fan of scooby-doo at the time yeah yeah and they were like i don't want to see like they'd argue with me as if it was a movie they were going to watch. Right. Yeah.

And I'd be like, are you actually going to watch it this time? And they were like, totally, we're totally going to watch it. Well, you know, I get it.

As I can start, they just be hand dropping each other. Yeah. Gross. So we see attack of the clones. This was like the end of the week. And I was like, I'm not dealing with this again.

We have to invite someone else to the movie. Yeah. I'm not going to be the only one here. Okay. So we invited Helen, who I had a big crush on. Okay. And so Helen comes to the movie. And I was like, get ready.

This is awesome. And the second the movie starts, this is my third time seeing it, Cody and Molly start hand-jobbing each other. Gross. And Helen is like, this is the dumbest movie I've ever seen in my life. This is so boring. This is Attack of the Clown. Yeah. And I'm like, this is great. Please. I've ever seen in my life this is so boring attack of the clown yeah and I'm like this is great please I love this movie it means a lot to me and she's like I hate this let's talk about anything else during the movie yeah I would never

have allowed this so Helen just wanted to talk the whole movie and Cody and Molly just wanted to touch each other the whole movie at a certain point I was like Cody and Molly sure are making out a lot huh I was like yeah you're trying and I was like, Cody and Molly sure are making out a lot, huh? I was like, yeah. You're trying to. And I was like, I guess if you're bored during a movie, that's a thing that people can do during a movie rather than talk. And she was like, I'm not going to make out with you, Griffin. Oh, fair enough.

And it was like every 15 minutes, I'd be like, what if we just made out for like a minute? Griffin, you thirsty. I was mad thirsty. But it was every day of my life, I was sitting next to people. Griffin, don't get all Gamergate on me. I'm not Gamergate. I'm not saying I deserved anything. No deserved anything i'm joking i'm just saying it was a tough time for me and then i distinctly remember i i stopped spoiler alert but i stopped cody and molly from handjobbing each other at what was my favorite scene of the movie i was like seriously you have

to and they were like griff, we do not give a shit. And I was like, this scene is so good, you need to pay attention. What did they think of it? They were like, ugh. They hated it. Yeah, well. They hated that I made them do that.

Well, we have so much more to talk about Attack of the Clones when that comes out. I know. When that comes around. And I'll tell everyone what my favorite scene is. I'll save that for the podcast. The scene that i made them take their hands off each other i really want to know what the scene is but we'll talk about that later it's now arguably the worst again no no is it well we'll find out yeah i think you can guess what it is okay They're ululating for Jabba the Hutt Yeah

It's not great I love the pod race but this stuff is Kind of half ass What was her name? Gardella The elder Yeah she's the older one It's like you know what it's already so much harder

Like women over 40 to like get jobs She's not a woman. She's a slug. Okay, but I'm saying females. Yeah, I know. I understand. I understand. To put elder in her name just because she's, like, the eldest child.

You're saying it's a hindrance rather than a help. I don't know. I think there's a reason she's standing six feet behind Jabba, even though he's younger. I think he got paid for this box seat that they got. It's really nice. Probably, like, 50 billion credits. Do you know how many Darth Sidious packs he could have bought for the amount he spent? I don't even want to talk about it.

So yeah, we are into the pod race scene. It's an elevated skybox. It's so boring. The helmet's cool. Helmet's cool. The pod race is... We talked about this. It's just the visual language of the film makes the most sense here

Do you want to talk about Tomorrowland for a little bit While the pod race is happening because we've already Covered the pod race in such detail I saw it last night Alone There was almost no one in the theater Really? The movie is a flop

I saw it at an IMAX screening And it was pretty crowded and it got applause at the end That's sad I saw it at an IMAX screening And it was pretty crowded and it got applause at the end That's nice I saw it at a 9.20pm Screening at the Regal Court Street Oh on a Tuesday after Memorial Day Of course it's empty And by the way did you know that on Tuesdays

If you're a Regal Crown Club card member Popcorn's $2? I do know that That's really awesome You know in my wallet, my Regal Crown Club card is the oldest thing in my wallet. It is from 2008. I've had it that long. Oh, mine's older than that. I moved to this country

in 2008. I have like the oldest design. Me too. And it's the barcode's like scratched off. It doesn't work that well. Yeah, mine doesn't. They have to manually type in the 00000. Yeah, mine doesn't. You have to manually type in the. The 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, yeah. Right. I got Wado's box here as infamously replicated in the classic action figure box set.

Ah, but then, ooh, the sound. So good. This is a great sequence. Ben Quaggianero stuck at the. I hate Ben Quaggianero. I don't like his face. So everyone hates Tomorrowland. It's getting panned.

Is it getting panned? I mean, it's definitely, I think, being seen as a failure. Even if some people think it's like a noble failure. I think the reviews are really frustrated and angry because Brad Bird is such a genius. He's made three masterpieces. Yeah.

Iron Giant, Incredibles, Ratatouille, just to be clear. Yeah. And then he made ghost protocol which maybe you don't like as much as i do but i love that movie i think it's like a perfect i think that movie is just ballet do you know what i'm saying it's like a perfect rubik's cube i agree i think the script is pretty shitty for a ghost protocol which he didn't write yeah i know i think it's a beautifully constructed film the script is is is kind of like marvel movie level where it's it's got a lot of good lines,

the chemistry of the cast is pretty fun, but it's sort of air. There's not a lot to it. Yeah, it's like fucking vaporware. But it's all about the sequences, getting from one Rube Goldberg machine to another, and he nails that. It's beautifully constructed. And then Bird is just, by the way,

kind of an underrated director of actors, because Renner is great in that movie. Yeah. In a part that could be very boring. Agreed. Paul Patton, I think, is similarly strong. I agree. In an underwritten role.

And, well, Cruise is. Cruise is Cruise. When he's, yeah. Oh, I love him. But also, you look at the vocal performances that Brad Bird's gotten out of people. Oh, my God. Well, Vin Diesel. Right. I mean, yeah, look, the main cast of The Iron Giant is Vin Diesel, Harry Connick Jr., and

Jennifer Aniston. Yeah. And he maybe gets the best performance that each of them has ever given. They are all one. Harry Connick Jr. And you're forgetting Christopher McDonald in The Iron Giant is the villain? Yes. I was not forgetting.

He is tremendous. I was saying he's probably the fourth lead. Well, who plays Hogarth? We don't know. Eli Manthal oh nice job oh yeah i know that shit are you kidding me i know that shit um he's great too yeah he's terrific i'm saying jennifer anson you wouldn't think would be good at vocal work necessarily so good she's really good in that movie and it's weird because it's not a big role because uh it's just the mom it's just kind of the worried mom she nails it she nails it and then yeah. Harry Connick Jr. is wonderful. You look at the casting of Incredibles. Not to mention how good a performance

he gives as Edna Mode himself. Brad Bird is the voice of Edna Mode. The Incredibles, Holly Hunter and Sarah Vowell especially. And Craig T. Nelson. They have so much emotion in there. I love the Incredibles so much. And then you go on to Ratatouille

and you have pat oswald killing it what great outside the box casting choice um the incredible suffers from uh who plays uh linguine oh you don't like that performance he's kind of annoying i like it uh i was gonna say phil romano uh long time phil from the gether show his name is lou romano is his name okay i like that voice he's a picture animator. He's not an actor. He's alright. Gene Garofalo is great and Will Arnett is great. Yeah, Gene Garofalo

is great while doing one of the worst French accents in history. That's true. What's his name? Gascono has like a view screen. Yeah. Which is weird. It feels like an unfair camera yeah it does feel like it's kind of like in this super nintendo mario kart where if you pressed x you can see

behind you that's an interesting thing about pod racing is like like formula one racing it's like well there are the basic like measurements like everyone has to their car has to abide by the specifications yes although everyone's making different engines and that's crucial but right but yes but this the vehicles are entirely so different yeah they're all which is great i like that i do too look obviously it didn't work at all but in theory having four engines i think it'd make you real fast right and then sebalba again he's this you know this monstrously big thing yeah And then Anakin's all small. And it's David versus Goliath.

Duck Ralter. There he goes. RIP. Kaboom. Collapsing. Here's a serious question. How many people do you think are still listening at this point? Zero.

I think this might actually get zero downloads. No one's going to listen to this. It's going to be like 200 megabytes. I think some of our listeners will. Well, they'll give it a good effort. And then they gonna be like 200 megabytes i think some of our listeners will like well they'll give it a good effort and then they'll they'll be like i think they might swipe ahead just to make sure like oh they are still talking about it two hours and 20 minutes in yeah but i think what they'll find when they swipe ahead is me talking about cody and molly giving each other hands yeah that was pretty gross yeah uh anyway i think tomorrowland's

great i do too yeah so let's talk about it just for a second let's just talk about it for a second um i think it's a really fun movie i do think it's his worst movie i would agree but the bar is so high yeah yeah yeah i think um i see a lot of people attacking the logic gaps in the movie yeah i don't think it needs to be logical i don't either i think the movie has a little trouble that a lot of movies have where it's like a lot of these big you know sci-fi kind of movies have where there's a lot of backstory that it just can't get into there's a whole other movie to this movie but i think i think that's fine i kind of like the movie they chose to make yeah me too i think they advertised the film so poorly yes they did because they did the whole fucking

goddamn mystery box technique yeah where it's like oh you don't know anything you have to see it to unlock the whole thing yeah it's the payment but from the campaign from the imagery we did see it made it feel like the movie was going to take place predominantly in tomorrow right whereas it basically doesn't at all it's a wizard of o Oz movie where it's like, we've got to get to this place. And you only get there at the very end. And it's problematic because you want to see Tomorrowland from this ad that she sees near the beginning. And then when you get there, it's all busted up. But you can't make a movie set in Tomorrowland because it's like a paradise utopia. Like, what's the fun?

It also is much like Wizard of Oz where the whole time they're like, we've got to get like we gotta get to the wizard we gotta get to the wizard and they get there and it's not what they thought they're disappointed you know i like that to it but i think if the advertising had sold the movie as what it is which is a chase movie almost three people struggling to get to this place this mystery place the tension and the whole film you're wondering if they're even gonna get back there i think they have great chemistry too me. Me, too. Clooney and Britt Robertson and... Raffi Cassidy. She's unbelievable. She's a great performance.

That girl is unbelievable. Again. The little robot girl, Athena. Brad Bird really knows how to direct actors. Look at the difference in child performances between Raffi Cassidy and Jake Lloyd. That's a very, very good point. And it's not just about a talent or ability. It's not just about maybe Raffi Cassidy's parents did better line readings with her in her trailer.

I also think it's like George doesn't care about actors. He openly, it's like the dialogue is wallpaper. I don't care. Which is funny because you'd think Brad Bird might feel the same. He's an animator. Actors are less important to him. He's a visual master. Oh, but he clearly loves actors.

He very much loves to get these great performances out of people. I think Tomorrowland's really sweet.. Oh, but he clearly loves actors. He very much loves to get these great performances out of people. Yeah. I think Tomorrowland's really sweet. I mean, too. I like the message of it. I know a lot of other people saying the message is like shoved down your throat. It is a little bit, but it's a kid's movie, so I can deal with that. That's the thing. I give it a lot of passes for being a kid's movie, not because I think kid's movies should

be held to a lower standard. No, it's just a different standard. I think Brad Bird, if anyone, has proven that a kid's movie can operate on extreme right without having the annoying shrek adult levels throw in some jokes right and he's dealt with complicated themes before in his movies but i think this movie specifically is like a message to children it's him trying to impart them with some lessons right not in like a patronizing way but it's like the movie sort of ends up being about the importance of media yeah and how what kids absorb change the changes their outlook in the world that they live in on the world they live in yeah and tomorrow

lands like i want to make kids believe again yeah and so it has to be a little blunt and a little unsubtle in order to get those points across but i I know I had like a couple hairs on the back of the neck moments. Me too. Across the film. I liked all of the set pieces a lot. I loved the escape from his house. Yeah. I loved the Eiffel Tower thing.

Some people that made people really mad or whatever. I just think it had like a lightness in its step the whole time, which really helped. And look at, you know, as opposed to. in its step the whole time which really helped and look at you know as opposed to um it definitely had that lindelof thing of like a lot of people asking questions that are not answered in an annoying fashion which i don't mind if you don't even ask the questions it's annoying to ask the questions that go we don't have time for that yeah right like that's like just a slap in the face yeah i mean it was just it was just always a problem and lost where you would like jack would finally have someone who could give him some answers.

And he'd just be like, where are we? Or he'd ask the totally wrong and just be like, no, no, no, no, no. Start asking questions like, what's the smoke monster? What is that thing for? Can you explain that, please? But anyway. I think it's the best Lindelof movie, which is super faint praise. Well, wait.

Apart from Prometheus and Into Darkness, is that it? He wrote Cowboys and Aliens. Oh, right, which I've never seen. And there's another one, right? I mean, Into Darkness and Prometheus are both failures. They are not just script failures, but I would say the script certainly is. Yeah. He did not have any part in writing Super 8, correct?

I don't think so. Isn't that just Abrams? Is that just Abr 8, correct? I don't think so. Isn't that... That's just... Is that just Abrams? Yeah. I'm looking him up. What's J.J. Abrams doing next? He hasn't done a movie in a little while now, right?

I'm fascinated to see whatever he wants to do. Yeah, I don't know. I'd love to see what kind of film he's doing next. So we are watching Star Wars Episode I, The Phantom Mass, just to remind you. Oh, he wrote World War Z. Oh, right. I think he wasn't the only person or yeah movie is actually not bad i think he did rewrites i think he just did the reshoots at the end when

they threw out the whole last third act of the movie jab the hottest sleeping and that's it you know what's really funny is uh lindelof wrote tomorrowland and then carlton cues his lost show writing partner wrote san andreas oh Oh, really? Yeah. He's the sole credited script writer for San Andreas. Really? I didn't know that. I'm so excited for San Andreas. My boss saw it yesterday and she liked it a lot. I saw those tweets. Looked great.

The tweets looked great. The tweets looked great. So now Annie has won. Shmi is kissing him on the cheek, gradually on a winning. Wado's box and Wado's box. And Wado's beginning to smell something stinky, I think. He accuses Qui-Gon of swindling him.

Dude, here's a serious question. Yeah, go ahead. What were you going to say? I don't know. I mean, Wado sort of has a point in that, like, yeah, Qui-Gon did have this. He does a blood test on Anakin. He gets a little bit of an inside track. Like, what if you were doing blood tests on horses before the fucking...

You can't have them. It wasn't a fair bet, Lotto says. Qui-Gon's like, let's take it up with the Hutts. Which is kind of weird, because you don't even know what that means. He says we both got a tweet. Oh, Adam Stanley Values. It's from Lux Outrom listening to...

Adam Stanley Values is legitimately one of my favorite movies. It's so great. And I've seen it 1,000 times. I owned it on VHS. John Cusack rules. When I was... Oh, she's amazing. When I was a kid, I used to watch the moment where Pubert shoots onto the airplane and

he just goes like, ah, to the window for one second. I would just rewind it and watch it over and over and over again. His name is Pubert. Pubert is a great sight gag every time you see him with a little mustache. It's so funny. It's a baby in a little suit. Because, you know, there's a lot of weird rules governing babies and how much makeup you're allowed

to put on them, and they do such a great job with very slight touch-ups. Oh, man. So they sold the pod. have some money what's he showing what is the money credit like it's like weird little discs what i i never even thought about it looks almost like it's like um a hard drive that you load credits on to do you know it doesn't look like you would hand to someone coin right it's like you go to to gragra and you like, hey, can I plug this in and transfer? Right. This is really weird, this scene, because Qui-Gon is very emotionless in delivering

the news to Shmi that he is going to take her son from her. I love that he didn't tell Shmi that he had bet his son's freedom until after the race is over. He's not like, look look i want to let you know if anakin wins the race i'm gonna take him with me he's like so anakin won the race i want you know i'm piecing with anakin right now because this is the thing she doesn't fight it because obviously she knows it's a good call for him to but at the same time there is this like there's a little steel behind qui-gon sing which is like is like, just FYI, I actually own him now.

When I love Anakin going, can I go, mom? I want to do it. And it's like, bitch, you ain't got a choice. You fucking own by this guy now. It's a weird scene. It's almost right. There you go. Now he finally realized his mother can't come with him.

Is this truly one of the least emotional films ever made? It is. It's a weird scene because, in one way, it makes a sort of sense that such a little kid might not fully understand the emotional weight of what's going on here, that he might never see his mother again. Because he's just a kid who lives in a town.

Like, he might not get how far he's going to be taken away from her. Dare I even argue? I can't quite just fucking take her. What waddle gonna do take her what's waddle gonna do send the army after her you know you do you take her and you put her anywhere else you know what i'm saying like it's like anywhere by the two of them an apartment in coruscant like this part this planet is controlled by the huts guess which planets aren't thousands of others literally every other it's a galactic like system of police and laws and it's just he is a jedi knight is it like a star wars star trek

thing like where it's like the prime directive he can't mess with this like primitive society no because he's stealing the rules of the jedi are so weird. David, what if I just took a nap for an hour and woke up? Do you think anyone would listen to it and know that I was asleep for an hour? I don't know. Probably not. You've been talking more than me, probably, though. Yeah. I might just think, wow, Griffin's really giving this a close study.

Close read. I love the whirling. There's sort of like the spinning motor in C-3PO's head that you can see. I like 3PO. I like this shot where you're in his eye. Yeah, that's a weird. It's kind of a good shot. It also makes it clear that in most ways where we see from a robot's POV, like Robocop or

the Terminator, it's green and distorted. You have the heads up to spray. Apparently, C-3PO's robot eyes work exactly the same as their own eyes. Which is funny because they look like light bulbs. I know. They don't look like they should work exactly the same as their own eyes which is funny because they look like light bulbs i know look like they shouldn't work exactly they look like light bulbs with dots painted on them instead it's like he's got perfect 2020 vision no color distortion but also human vision or distortion vision not that great not that great the terminator and robocop they can like zoom in and x-ray people like c-3po have you seen uh while we're young yeah that one bit in the movie where ben

stiller goes like zoom in on that yeah and then he's like i can't zoom on this thing it's a really funny moment i like that i really like that movie which is a movie i think a lot of people were underwhelmed i liked it too and i like that where like in the last act of the movie there's this plot suddenly where it's like ben stiller is gonna solve this he like mysteries he's in a moment of triumph and yeah so that works where he's like zoom in on that yeah and like the stakes are nothing for everyone else but they're so high for him yeah i really like i like that you know i interviewed noah baumbach about it and i was trying to get at that with him like saying like are like, are you trying to undermine? I think Noah Baumbach was just like, I just liked having a plot like that.

That seemed to be his main. Yeah, it is kind of uncharacteristic for him to have. Oh, yeah, he doesn't. Plotty thing. Usually his movies end very plotlessly. Yeah. You know, even if they begin with a little bit of plot by the end, it's everyone just kind of settling in or whatever. Greenberg at least has her in the hospital.

Is she pregnant in Greenberg? No. I just want to point out quickly that this goodbye, no tears. I know George said he shot a more emotional version. No tears. Back to Darth Maul. I forget why she's in the hospital. I don't think she's pregnant in it, right? But there's that great scene where he says

when she's in the hospital going into an operating room, he's like, you're important, you man. She's like, I know! I love that scene. Greenberg is good, too. Greenberg's a great movie. Yeah. Bamboos only made one bad movie, and it's Margot at the Wedding. That's the one I haven't seen, actually.

It's not good. I've even seen Highball. I haven't actually seen Highball. Yeah. That's the one he kind of discredited. He took his name off it. Yeah. This scene.

That bike is cool, too. This lightsaber fight is terrific god you know the film really gets exciting every time darth maul's on screen yeah he's just got a presence there's there's a move it's moving the camera's moving things are moving but there's also just something about him you're talking about how like in the whole undersea sequence there doesn't ever feel like there's any tension right there's no threat this guy you're like what's this guy there's a threat something's gonna go wrong every time even just when his hologram appears behind sidious's hologram like something's gonna go wrong here and even though quite obi-wan is saying like

take off you know like there's some you know we can handle this they're surprised and he has to retreat yeah and then there's that great shot of maul uh activating his lightsaber very ominous and so at this point he's still only used one side of the lightsaber we just think he's got a really long lightsaber handle about it all the time that the trailer ruined that yeah i really really wish yeah that could have been and it wasn't even the trailer it's uh the vanity fair 1998 cover like or whatever the photo shoot that any woods did you can see his double-bladed lightsaber in one and it's like cool yeah but i just wish they could have kept that a similar moment in a bad movie that i wish hadn't been

ruined is because it's it's i'd argue the best moment of the film and if it had been a total surprise it would have been so exciting in iron man 2 the suitcase armor on the racetrack that's a great uh that's that's great yeah and instead that is the trailer of iron man 2 that is the whole trailer yeah is uh fucking uh what's it what's his name uh happy hogan throwing him the suitcase yeah no it's great yeah you know what's better though what in avengers when he when loki throws him out the window and then he jumped that's so cool that one was so cool because you don't know he's developed that technology yet yeah yeah and then you know what else is cool what i which i love in iron man 3 when he puts the armor on her and you don't know he's gonna do that i love that too that scene that movie is a tremendous movie do you know

my favorite moment iron man 3 is go ahead after he's done the the barrel of monkeys uh rescue from air force one right and then he gets the the the barrel of monkeys uh rescue from air force one right and then he gets the the thing gets hit by a truck yeah and then you realize he wasn't in the suit the whole time you've been watching this whole action sequence and he's just on a boat he's just on a remote control he's dancing around um i agree that's a great i bet that's not my favorite sequence just because there's so many good tactile jar jar feet you see how good they look even like his leather pants look real they look really good right there's so many good tactile jar jar feet you see how good they look even like his leather pants look real they look really good right there's such strange feet but and now it's

back to dumb cgi the light catches it in the right way where padme is down in the in the ship uh whatever the storage whatever the lower decks okay so how far into this movie are we giving him a blanket she's saying space is cold um the queen is worried she's talking about herself we're an hour and 19 minutes in okay so many films are just 90 minutes long right this might this could be and you know what this movie could end here wait a second this is a real thing this movie could end here pod race is your climax. Yeah. Then your battle with Darth Maul to be continued, right? I mean, not that I'm saying that wouldn't be a good movie.

That's so serialized. Let's just cover. An hour and 20 minutes, what's happened in the film. OK. Trade is blocked to Naboo. Yep. Because. Negotiators get kicked out.

Trade invasion of Naboo. Right. Right. The Jedi Knights. So then they're freaked out royal family leaves right they go down to naboo they're like right that's that's what they've accomplished so far they acquired one slave negotiations fell apart they go down to naboo to warn the queen she comes with them they get on a ship they buy a slave via race they have a race that's all that happens in this hour and 19 minutes so an hour and 20 minutes in, we are arriving on Carsan,

which I know we make fun of it a lot. I do like the design of the planet where it's all lit up. It's kind of cool. Tomorrowland looks cooler. Yes, but active Tomorrowland. The ad for Tomorrowland. The Tomorrowland they land in, you know, the busted Tomorrowland, it's very depressing.

I mean, there's a French theme park. Yeah, I'm saying those words mean there's a french theme park yeah i'm saying those words there's a french theme park near tour called futuroscope oh wow which is like a tomorrowland it's kind of like epcot as well i guess you know which is any i went there with my french class and when i was in the 10th grade sure i went to school in london i did yeah yeah right so it was a quick hop skip tour and we went to jump away one thing we did was we went to futuroscope yeah and it was february Futuriscope. And it was February. It was really cold.

Futuriscope was really empty. And it looked like Tomorrowland, you know, present. So that's where you have flashbacks. Where it's just busty and kind of desolate. But there's all these like crazy buildings that are like spheres and disco, that look like disco balls. All right. So here we have Terry Stamp and Ian McDermott.

The great Terry Stamp. You can see. As Chancellor of Lorm and Senator Palpatine. Terry Stamp is seething that he's doing these scenes against a green screen. He hates this shit. He is so bored. So here he is with Keira Knightley. Right. And is Portman behind him even? Portman is behind him.

That does look like her over his shoulder. That could be a composite, you know. And then he stands and lets them leave and then he talks to the jedi which i mean he's technically kind of their boss right he sent them to the trade federation yeah but uh sam's not even talking all of this looks terrible because everything's just been like cut together terrible and the way they try to like approximate the lighting is they just make everything look really blown out. There's just like a halo around each of them. Because Coruscant,

a lot of natural light. A lot of light. Queen's being gross. Which is kind of weird. Yeah, Coruscant is never going to be explained. No. They're in a little flying thing. Oh, God.

So, yeah. Carson's really boring. The skyscrapers have no color to them. Yeah, skies are gray. And then here we are in a men conversing faint. That's a pretty cool. Yeah, that's a cool little, there's no civility, only politics. That's what Palpatine's saying.

So Palpatine's kind of convincing Amidala that things are just busted in Karasan. That the Senate doesn't work. Yeah. That everything's ground to a halt. There's no interest in the common good. Do we settle on- He sounds like a populist. Yeah.

And this is back, we're back in the Nellie Portmanman groove right here this is our first time as i mean dollar yeah for the first time since like minute 15 that's true that's true like an over an hour um did we settle on emick dermot giving the best performance in the movie yeah no we totally did we talked about how he's almost oscar worthy which is insane because he's not he's not at all but he is like pretty good but there's like a real undercurrent of life He's doing a lot with very little Yeah yeah yeah He's having fun too and he just enunciates

Beautifully I think at one point he says like Baseless Accusations of corruption That great British stage actor He used to be the theatrical the artistic Director of the Alameda theater and I've seen him Do like the Jew of Malta And all these great he won a tony too about 10 years ago for awake and sing he is a tremendous actor yeah um he should do more pictures a real discovery by george lucas

yeah he's a real good film actor too though because he's mostly stage actor but he should do more talking i mean this just again to be clear this this film has three of the greatest shakespearean actors in 20th century britain ian mcdermott terence stamp and oliver ford davis these are all like titans of the is all for davis saubibble yeah really yeah yeah yeah he he who gave like one of the most acclaimed king lear performances like yeah lifetime at least we talk about this guy there's a jedi we've never talked about before we're at the jedi council there's kiari mundi it's the one who sort of looks like ravi shankar who's got the long beard and it looks like he's sitting like cross-legged but it's actually just his legs are like like a noodle are we are we gonna see him some before maybe that's why you never talked about because he's only visible in one shot because next to windu

is right over there do you see what i'm saying yeah yeah long beard you never hear his body is like a snake right there's yaddle and yeah one below and there's uh yario poof and that's adi gala around oh yeah we don't we don't hear much about her either but we're in the trading card app some of my best friends. I'm not trying to brag, but I do hang out with them a lot. Look at the animator and Yari Elpuf showing off, just having the heads sway back and forth. Which I like.

These two guys look at each other. Masalmita, maybe? I don't know. I believe it's this boy. The Jedi scenes are interesting because Yeah, this guy with the beer is interesting yeah well just because the only jedi we know is qui-gon and he's this kind of daring do yeah rascal not rascal that's not but like you know he's a renegade yes he's cutting

through slicing through droids and intimidating people and making bets correct and then he runs into this brick wall yeah and as much as the the arrival in car or something yet look mace windu bring us before him then yeah it is so weird that samuel jackson's cast in this why isn't samuel jackson playing panaca and corshi playing mace windu god jackson would be so good are you kidding me i mean there's no doubt that jackson can phone in a role like i love him but sometimes he's pretty flat. Yeah. Because he just makes so many movies, and I think he just needs something to sink his teeth into.

I also think he's just kind of like, there's something very blue-collar about his approach to acting. When you listen to interviews with him, where he's like, my job is to show up, know my lines, hit my marks. You know, it's the same with uh not to draw a comparison between these two guys but morgan freeman i was just reading about people asking about uh shawshank all the time yeah and he's like you know they were like what did you think of it you know that movie and he's just like i don't know like it was fine yeah right you know he just just like it's it's it's work you know i think those two guys are as good as the material you give them and both have they're both guys who will be in anything they'll be like they'll pop up in a movie and you're like holy this guy is an

oscar winner you just need to be in like in this weird yeah they're both real pros and they have incredible gravitas yeah yeah so if you give a material they'll give you more than anyone else would get out of it right they'll put more spin on it than anyone else i like the look of the galactic senate i'll admit because there's a lot of shorthand he needs to do telling you that this is a stalled bureaucracy and just the scope of it yeah where you're like how could any one voice be heard right that's kind of cool yeah and i like the little cameras moving around me too and i like the idea yeah this is outrageous they like fly there and he's like excuse me fly back to your seat okay here's something we haven't talked about who's controlling these ships so you see a little there's there's a guy, fly back to your seat. OK, here's something we haven't talked about. Who's controlling these ships?

So you see a little, like. There's a guy in the back. You see a panel. The guy in the back is steering. He said, look, no, because that guy's not steering. Look, who's. No one's got the steering wheel. Look at this pod right here.

That's a good point. We're now in a dollar's pod. Maybe someone is just in an office somewhere steering it around. I'm saying, OK, here's like the control center, right? Yeah, I know. I get you. Like they're stuck here in a fixed position at like a tower at the top of it. And then underneath it, you see like a bunch of panels.

Are there just like a bunch of technicians who, once they hear someone talk, have to like, oh, fuck, I got to adjust it so they fly forward. Do you know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah. Well, especially because there's a lot of quick reacting you need to do imagine if you're all the way at the bottom and you're like excuse me god if i could get a little it's just if i could fly up for a second by the time you get up to their level they've already why does queen of adult look like she's about to cry the entirety of this yeah it's a weird weird expression and it's partly because

of the way her lip is painted yeah because it looks like she's got powdery lips trembling yeah sovereignty now is she committee committee committee committee yep i love that line reading this body is not capable of action, I suggest new leadership is needed. Now, why does it take her to do this? A 13-year-old. No one has thought to do this because this is all it takes to bring down Valorum. Naboo doesn't seem like an especially big or powerful planet. It's lavish.

I've said this before. I love this reaction from Stamp. It's great there's the gragas and then we got the ets there in the bottom yeah which i hate yeah now they will elect it look at oh god emic dermot look at how like see this is where you know formal training as an actor comes in like he is able to convey so much through body language no yes and the tenor of his voice. You can tell the ulterior motives without him overplaying his hand.

So good. I'm just going to do this. My boss is bothering me. This is a good shot. This is kind of a good shot. Look at the sunset in Coruscant. This is something we didn't talk about. The sun in Coruscant is This is something we didn't talk about. The sun in Coruscant is colossal.

Humongous. It fills the screen as opposed to our sun, which is like a little disk. And look at how nice the Jedi Council looks at DOS. A ship. Yeah. A speeder. That's weird. And they're like, jeez, pretty good.

You gotta be specific. Yoda's stroking the old chin how feel you i mean this cold sir this scene is so creepy literally that's a fucking turn down the ac and by the way um the reason anakin might be cold is he's from a hot planet yeah you know this is an air-conditioned planet he's from a hot planet and look everyone else is wearing multiple layers they're all wearing heavy robes. He's just got on his little potato sack dress. This is, I really like the Anakin gives them attitude for saying, like, you're thinking

about your mother, huh? Like, of course he's thinking about his mother. I'm a little boy. Get taken from my mother. By a strange man I don't know. They lecture him on thinking about his mother these guys are such dicks i sense much fear in you back the fuck off yoda he and he has this like really satisfied look when he says i sense much fear in you as if he's cracked some code yeah he's

obviously going to be afraid like is this really such a shocking idea use of thinking use of people gonna die yeah suddenly jar jar cares about other people's emotions get the fuck out of here i want to figure out who the jedi is with the with the ravi shankar beard i want to figure this one out because i think he looks interesting member known members um oh shit so palpatine's been nominated oh his name's opal rancisis that's a crazy name he's an adept strategist and tactician. He advocated the throne of his homeworld in favor of becoming a Jedi Master.

He was the king of his homeworld? Yeah. Did he have to give that up? He apprenticed to Yaddle. Probably, I would argue, the best one to apprentice to. Yaddle is definitely the best Jedi. Sister was killed by terrorists and he was offered the throne. He declined instead, preferring to continue the path of the Jedi.

So his sister, I guess, was the queen. Right. He's a military advisor. That's interesting. So he's a Jedi, but he comes from a very different kind of background. He's dealt with real tragedy close. And near the close of the war, he's a princess. Personality and traits. I like this guy. He might be my real tragedy close. And near the close of the war, it's the Rancestus. Personality and traits.

I like this guy. He's my very new favorite character. He's got a long beard. He's got a top bun. He's got a long serpent body. Yeah, he kind of looks like, he's actually kind of a cool design in the concept art. The puppet doesn't look great. It's not great.

Well, clearly, I mean, he's in the background of the shot. They didn't spend that much time on him. This is like the puppet apprentice made that one. Yeah, even just these storyboards are great. Well, clearly, I mean, he's in the background of the shot. They didn't spend that much time on him. This is like the puppet apprentice made that one. Yeah, even just these storyboards are great. Oh, we're in Sissus. The character was based on storyboard artist Benton Jew. The storyboard

artist of the film's name is Benton Jew, based upon a picture of an old bearded man from a Chinese calendar in the home of Jew's grandparents. This is so funny, because it keeps on just saying jew made several modifications to the picture calling him jew geez well apparently he comes back in attack of the clones well i'm excited to see him me too i hope he has a big part man i'm so excited to watch

attack the is me too. Parencis is... Okay, Yoda is throwing some shade on Anakin. He's saying to Obi-Wan, I see a murky future. Don't fucking train him. He's like, what am I supposed to do? Go return this kid? You know what the biggest problem

with this whole thing is? Yeah. We were just talking about it's been an hour and 20 minutes. We basically had two satisfying action sequences. Maybe three. But I really would say two because I would say the action sequences that open the movie are really boring.

Like I was talking about. Yeah, two of them are kind of aborted. I mean, the fight with Qui-Gon and Darth Maul is kind of half a fight. Then the attack on the droids and Naboo is also like half a fight. Right. I think the Qui-Gon and Darth Maul fight fight is okay it's a good prelude yeah it's a two yeah so really we've only had one which is the pod race right anyway and then we get to karasan we're like great finally this is going to gain steam and everything slows to a halt meetings it's just meanings upon

meetings we cut between two separate sequences of bureaucracy you know the senate on one hand and the jedi on the other this is the clue we need to unravel the mystery of the set one guy they have on yes he's like i may have discovered the ancient evil that like is our true opponent and they're like all right we'll look into that i don't know i'm sure i complained about this before too but like and also this Kid might be the prophecy kid like are They not like their antennas should be raised Oh yeah they should be like We should really do our due diligence and look

Into this right I mean I'm sure that George Lucas wants Us to think that the Jedi are just busted fucked Up yeah I'm sure we talked about this before But George Lucas in his you know When defending this film yeah Says like well it's not meant for adults it's meant for Kids yeah fucking kid wants to watch This like i know kids like it because it's got space battles and shit and like cool designs yeah like if you're explicitly writing a movie for kids if that's

your argument this movie is just meant for kids adults shouldn't be taken so seriously why would you make it all about fucking bureaucracy why is there a senate and why is there a trade federation why what no no but then again when you were a kid, you loved this movie. It was my favorite. So, you know. I don't know. Kids are dumb. Man, I don't know. I think I was just.

So, just wanted to point out. Yeah. Anakin's already calling Qui-Gon Master. Yeah, gross. He calls him like Master and Sir. Massa. This is the. Massa Qui-Gon.

All right. I can't. I can't do that, Ben. No. I've already been too racially insensitive throughout 10 episodes of this podcast this is a scene that i i know drives people crazy where it's talking about the midichlorians and it's just it's just a bummer the force is such a simple concept it's nice when it's magical at the beginning of the film you just go oh these people got magical powers and now it's magical. At the beginning of the film, you just go, oh, these people got magical powers. And now it's like, wow.

And what's the force? You know, it's like life energy. It's just we can grasp it. And now he's like, well, these biological entities live inside our bodies. 30% of this quote unquote commentary is just me yawning on Mike, which I think is the best, most accurate commentary I could do. Yes. I like this hairstyle where she's just got these like drooping like hair testicles on either side of her head.

I'm not actually, yeah, this is not my favorite Amidala costume. No. What's your favorite Amidala costume? I'd say the, the first one and the first Naboo meeting where she's got the sort of light bulb dress and the,

and yeah, and she's got like the half donut hair. Yeah, that is pretty good I'd say second after that is the the Senate outfit the big where she's got these giant like

metal cylinders on her hair the pouty makeup or only the upper lip is painted so now here we have Palpatine it's Palpatine yeah this is the things will things will stay as they are you're not fooling anybody Lucas So now here we have Palpatine It's Palpatine It's Darth Sidious The things will stay as they are

You're not fooling anybody Lucas He does make this though He does make the two distinct characters I do feel like Yeah I mean again credit to McDermott The gradient McDermott Rick Olay saying some more boring bullshit This is like

Almost a nice idea that like Rick Olay Is some more boring bullshit This is like Almost a nice idea that like Rick Olay Is like sort of showing Anakin the Rope but it's not developed in any way Cause Anakin's interested in like Being a pilot So now they're chastising Amidala For returning to the planet And Qui-Gon is saying

Qui-Gon and Panaka are saying We have no army So is it the Amidala Right from the And this is Natalie Portman right now This is now we're back in the Portman group She's saying to Jar Jar We need the Gungans

It's just a little half assed It's all half assed It's a droid control ship so that's the big idea is that the donut ship which we thought was just meant to be headquarters for trades is like the signal tower for all the droids it's like a network um um it's really again it's sort of we we talked about a lot but obi-wan is in the first few minutes you know he's in the thick of things yeah and then he just takes a nap for a real back you know he's just oh and he's apologizing to qui-gon for god knows what there's a playstation 2 game called

like star wars obi-wan's journey and it's all the Phantom S from Obi-Wan's perspective. And I assume... So there's a lot of sitting at a desk? I think there's six levels that are just him making cappuccino. Maybe he makes a good... You know how Ewan McGregor played the character of Grimes in Black Hawk Down? Sure. He's obsessed with coffee.

Yeah. I like that performance. Me too. And he's always saying, it's all in the grind, fellas. It's all in the grind. Can't be too fine, can't be too coarse. I think Ewan McGregor is great in Black Hawk Down. He's really good in that movie.

I forgot how good he was in that movie. Huge fan of Black Hawk Down. I think that's a wonderful movie. See, I only saw it once. I wasn't crazy about it. I also don't love war films. I love war films, and I love Black Hawk Down. All right, now, so we're back to Keira Knightley.

I got Sasha, Erika, and Medalla. And Padme right next to her. But she's out of makeup. Or no, I'm sorry. No, Pad she's out of makeup. Uh, or no, I'm sorry. No, Padme is out of makeup. Yeah.

That's what's interesting. Like now, now she's got, they have these like very like sort of, um, tactical like, like jumpsuits. Like they're,

they're dressed to, to run now, you know? Yeah. Um, they have a lot of costumes in that ship We're like I hate this scene

These ruins This half-assed like Buddhist temple place Where the Gungans hang out It's so half-assed After the very nice design of the Gungans Yeah It's the same ruin It's just like the top half of a human face

And then Keira Knightley in not a great outfit You know It's the same ruin. It's just like the top half of a human face. And then Keira Knightley in not a great outfit. You know, a big tree, a boss in us, who does, and others. I hate this scene. I'm going to go to the bathroom. You just keep it. I just took a sip of my orange juice. It tastes pretty good. I got Tropicana, no pulp, calcium plus vitamin D because I have weak bones.

I guess vitamin D is mostly found in seafood, which I don't eat. I just think seafood's gross. It's not for moral reasons. It's just for static reasons, taste reasons. I think it looks gross. It smells gross. It tastes gross. And then eggs also also i don't have

vitamin d eggs are probably my least favorite food in the world eggs are my least favorite thing in the world like i want to vomit anytime i see an egg it doesn't matter how it's prepared if it's hard boiled if it's scrambled i just think it's always it's a gross food and once again it's not the embryo thing a lot of people think oh is it because you don't like eating an embryo i don't care i would eat an embryo if it tasted great if someone told me that pizza was an embryo all this whole time you've been eating embryos i would still eat pizza it's a great food eggs are just disgusting they're just disgusting garbage food i'm fine with things that have eggs in them like mixing like i won't eat an omelet because that's too egg-dominant, but something like a cake, where eggs are obviously part of mixing it together.

Whenever I make a cake, when I bake with my mom growing up, and it got to the part where you had to crack the egg, the cracking the egg was fun, but then once the egg drooped out, it was disgusting. So yeah, I don't eat eggs. I don't eat seafood. That's vitamin D. I guess you also get vitamin D from the sun, and I'm a vampire, and I don't like going outside. So that's Griffin's Orange Juice Spotlight. That's the new segment, just for this one-off bonus episode that is the commentary that none of you will listen to.

And now Boss Nass is shaking his face. The spit's coming out. Everyone's smiling. Everyone's charmed because they've decided to team up, be an army to go. This movie fucking sucks. It's garbage. it's a piece of garbage bullshit in a doo-doo pile and now fucking new gun gray is talking to darth savius god i stood this whole podcast so optimistic about everything and i feel like it's just been beaten down lord maul be mindful let them go make the first movie Darth. Molly is great every time Darth. Maul's on screen I get like half a chub. I just I find it so like like cinematically arousing Ray Park is a great physical actor. I know he came from like a martial arts background, but he really does He has to carry himself well and even just his control of his eyes his stare a lot of it is the contact lenses But his stare is very affecting david's

now back from the bathroom david that was the number one i'm guessing because it was pretty quick that's correct cool um so now boss and ass has got his arm around jar but by the way nothing's happened nothing's happened right like has there been anything i mean i guess emma doll reveals herself and we subdued everyone smiles and they spit i said most of the time you were going to talk about orange juice i did an orange juice spotlight segment i just i just can't stand the primitive stuff with the gungans you know where they're like oh we sell friends now spitting everywhere and amadala just kind of smiles like oh these goofy fools it's not just broken english it's like oh they're dumb it's like once again naboo would not be rescued without them yeah they they contribute very i well but then again

the starfighters are the ones who kill all the droids sort of i don't know i don't know i really i really hate the final battle set piece of this movie i love the lightsaber fight that's beautifully executed sure but i hate the gungans and i hate the naboo starfighter stuff because once again it kind of feels like it's without stakes stalling for time agreed we're just kind of like you know we we know they're gonna win there's so much that could be happening in this movie that isn't i feel like there's so many interesting stories happening off to the side. Not just like our favorite characters like Gragra and Yaddle who we know now have interesting

plot lines. But it just feels like they just keep on focusing on the wrong thing on a scene to scene basis. Right. So they have to get the Viceroy Or I'll still return with another clone I mean Droid army

Can I talk about something completely unrelated for a second? Yeah go ahead So I currently have disgusting facial hair No it's not disgusting but you have like very specific facial hair We have sideburns and a mustache Right I got an acting part in a TV show It takes place in the 70s and i had to grow this out for that yesterday was my last day of filming on episode two and then they were like

you're not in episode three okay okay and so each episode takes like three weeks okay and it was like you're probably in episode four okay but it's a while off right and so i wrapped yesterday and then like took a long hard look in the mirror And I was like well this is just my face For a month now like I can't Shave this off because it takes me too long to grow It back so you just need to kind of trim it And keep it in the same kind of length I'm like stuck being a mustache guy

And I'm supposed to meet up with this girl I kind of like Tonight and I just like Yeah well I mean we already discussed how Yeah how great you are with that Sexually maljusted I am this This is going to be a disaster. No, you'll be fine. I don't know how to relate to people. But I just got an email telling me that they added me to episode three.

Oh, that's great. And immediately I feel so much less terrible about the entire state of my life. That's great. It's thinking about just having a mustache for a month for no reason. That's so great. It's great news that they added you to episode three. I don't know if I'm doing anything. But you're in it. Yeah. And, uh, right but at least yeah and uh right make it one of mine make it one of mine i

just i'm just happy that i have fish fires for a purpose i just want to point out we are an hour and 48 minutes into this yeah it would be hilarious if you just disclose like how much hbo pays you per episode if you just if you just laid it out all on the table because no one will ever hear it yeah i don't think i don't think i'm is that what are the rules about that are you allowed to talk about that yeah i don't see why not right you know how like you hear um x got paid 20 million bucks for this movie but obviously the studios never say that it all just kind of leaks out right like all this stuff is very private yeah and and is not accessible it's not public information you can't get it through through a freedom of information request.

Yeah, I think it's just maybe because it's a little gauche. Yeah, of course. No one wants to talk about money, of course. So yeah, I'm on a TV show that's going to be on HBO in January. Premium cable. It's not TV. It's HBO. I'm on a series.

I'm on a series for HBO. Yeah. And the interesting thing is I get paid on a weekly salary right oh so you're not paid per episode no but it also means that like um this week i only worked yesterday and i will be paid as if i work the whole week if you only have one day in a week you get the weekly salary um i think for bigger actors uh you get a per episode salary for regulars so a regular means this is now just going to be our commentary yeah this is great a regular means that you are like contractually right you're locked in locked in yeah the main

thing is are they locked in for seasons like multiple seasons um i it depends i know on a network show you get locked in for like seven years or um i it depends i know on a network show you get locked in for like seven years or something yeah it depends it depends on on the show and scheduling and who you are you know if you have a lot of clout you can kind of go on a season by season thing but for some shows if they're like setting it up and you're the lead character they want to lock you in for a couple seasons at a time so they know you don't have the power to just like shut the show down right if after season one you're like i'm out right um by the way the starfighters they're spinning out of control yeah they're flying off to take

down the um yeah yeah the droid ships and there's this dumb thing where anakin is told to hide in a starfighter and then oh well no the cockpit closes. Why can't you fucking cause it? Put him in anywhere. Keep him, I don't know. They must have, like, a daycare center on the Trade Federation ship, right? Yeah. What was I saying? Regular means you're in every episode. And if you're not in every episode,

they have to pay you as if you are in an episode. They essentially contractually tie you to being like, you're not doing anything else. This is your main job. We want to have you at our beck and call. Yeah. And I think those people get paid per episode. And then someone like me, I'm technically a recurring. Okay.

That means I have no contractual obligation to anything. All that means is they keep using my character and plan to keep using it. Right. But if you say you got hired by another show, like, full time, like, as a regular, then they'd be in a bind because they don't have that, like, control over you. Right. They'd be kind of fucked and like the email that i just got tell me i'm in the next episode is hey just want to let you know these are the dates we want to put you on hold right so they have to ask on a month-by-month basis like can you not can you do anything else leave these for this month

and then i have to go through the difficult process of canceling all the no plans i have god let me get back to you oh boy i was planning to sleep 18 hours a day but i think i can open that up yeah um but uh what i was gonna say is there's a point i was getting to here uh well you're talking about how you're recurring. You're paid weekly. Yes. Oh, this is what I was going to say. So the show takes place. It's about the music industry. Yes. It's the new Terrence Winter show about it's rock and roll in the 70s.

It's called rock and roll now. It's the official title. It's great. It's rock and roll. It'll be on HBO in January. Right. It's centered mostly around this one record label. And I play an A&R guy who works at the record January. Right. It's centered mostly around this one record label and I play an A&R guy

who works at the record label. Yeah. Now, I have so far had very little to do. Okay. I'm just sort of a guy in the office. Yeah.

It's one of those things maybe, you know, as it goes on, my character gets developed more. Yeah, yeah. It's like you need more staff members. Right.

You watch the first episode of The Sopranos or something and there's a lot of characters who are kind of in the background who eventually would get more to do. The lower levels of the mob family. You know, Mad Men, a lot of characters who kind of in the background who eventually the lower levels of the mob family you know Madman

a lot of those background guys right but so I have some dialogue not tremendous amount yeah but more often I'm like just being paid a stupid amount of money to be like an extra just yeah just to kind of stand in the background

they call me in and they're just like well we just want like clear co-workers who we can like ground as like oh you know that guy stand in the background. Sometimes they call me in and they're just like, well, we just want clear coworkers who we can ground as like, oh, you know that guy works in the office. Yeah, of course. And it's vital. I mean, they're absolutely right. And look, no spoilers.

It helps for the TV show. No spoilers. There's a lot of crazy things going on in this office. Uh-oh. Something crazy is going on and they can cut to me and my dumb mustachioed face looking shocked. Yep.

But sometimes that's like... Are you holding papers and stuff sometimes like do you have props to work with yeah you know yesterday we had like a big boardroom scene it was like a conference room scene and i went to the props guy oh here's the reveal the second play it looks awesome so good all right i forgot we're watching phantom ass the duel of the fates kicks in this scene Oh my god It's so good The choreography of the lightsaber battle

Is flawless It's athletic It's not cartoonish You know when they jump it usually feels Earned They're doing awesome force flips Anakin going Oops what button makes the starship go?

Why would he? He knows how this shit works. We just saw a scene. He's fucking won a pod race. He knows the difference between a ship and a speeder. God damn it. And yeah, he takes out the destroyer droids with this. I want to say this.

Yeah. The Naboo starfighter design is gorgeous. Gorgeous. It's exceptional. Gorgeous. It's exceptional. Gorgeous. I know you like the silver one, but the yellow ones are beautiful. No, I like this more. Can I tell a fun story?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was a very, very angsty kid when I was like nine or ten when this movie came out. Okay. I was going through a rough emotional space. Okay yeah you know whatever happens yeah and i i just was i was an emotional mess and uh i got in a lot of trouble that year okay regularly at school and at home i got in a lot of trouble and the start of that was uh lego star wars had set up a website because they were going to do their first lego line yeah i remember for the phantom mess it was their first licensed property lego had always been original in-house property and so the website the teaser image was just that the yellow naboo

starfighter and it was you could do a puzzle and if you beat the puzzle you'd get that as a teaser image and then say do you want to send this image to a friend it was like an e-card right and so i said yeah i'll send to a friend and i typed in the email address of my best friend at school at the time and then it had the field for message and from yeah and in the message i just wrote fuck you and from i wrote another kid's wow and so i sent a fake email to my best friend email a fake abusive email that just said fuck you and it had an image of the starfighter it out of legos and at the time i justified it as i thought that was a funny joke i thought the disparity between the lego imagery and the word fuck you was funny right so it didn't explain to anyone and then blame someone else for it

so i went to school the next day i the kid was like i got the weirdest email from john yesterday and i was like really and john was like i didn't do that and everyone was like oh that's kind of weird and i just like brushed it over yeah and then i was sick the next day yeah i actually was sick and i didn't go to school and i came back the next day i was about to go to school my parents called me in to the bedroom before i went to school okay and kier the kid i'd sent the thing to fuck you message his dad was a computer programmer he was a video he'd figured this out they went we have something very serious to talk about with you here's dad here got an email that had a really bad word in it and they said oh because that was John's defense. I had written the email as John's first initial and his last name at AOL.com.

Right. And in reality, his email address was his first name and his last initial. Okay. All right. I guessed what his email was, and it was wrong. So he was like, I have an iron clad alibi. It's not him. It's not me.

That's not my email address. It's from a fake email address. Yeah. So I was like, I have no idea what happened. My parents called me in, and they were like, address. It's from a fake email address. Yeah. So I was like, I have no idea what happened. My parents called me in and they were like, we got a call from Keira's dad. He got this inappropriate email.

It said it was from John. It wasn't. His dad used the internet to track down who it was from. And they said it came from you. And I was like, absolutely not true. You just denied it. Absolutely not true. And then went to school and it was like absolutely not true you just denied it absolutely denied it not true

and then went to school and it was like a witch hunt it was like the fucking crucible but these are called ascension guns that's what she calls oh really yeah that was the grapple guns yeah ascension guns uh they're not like grapples because it because it's just like a sticky suction yeah um they are pretty awesome that shot is pretty funny. It's a good moment. Yeah, it's sort of Scooby-Doo-esque, but I like this where she shoots the window. Yeah, me too. Yeah. So I went to school, and it was like the crucible, and it was like a witch hunt, and the teachers

were taking everyone aside one by one and interrogating them about who sent the email. And so I was like, fuck, I got to fess up. And I went home, and I told my parents, and my mom cried. This is crazy. This is not a big deal. No. Like, I went home i told my parents my mom cried this is crazy this is not a big deal like i guess you were a kid my mom cried it was the first time i'd ever seen her cry that much and she was like i just can't believe you lied in my face like that yeah that was tough my parents grounded me for a month yeah i mean it's a big moment i guess when you realize

your kid's kind of you know learning to lie that flatly to you yeah they grounded me for a month without tv and that overlapped with my birthday wow and i wasn't allowed to watch tv on my birthday and that was that was probably pretty devastating i bet i never sent anonymous email ever again so how much are they paying you at hbo do you think it's gross to say or are we this deep into it i don't care you could say it or you can't say i don't care i mean i'm happy with it i'm very happy with the amount of money i'm being paid and just someone who doesn't act i'll be like are you fucking kidding me they're paying you that much to like stand around and smoke cigarettes someone

who does act is like oh that's nothing crazy it's not a tremendous amount right it's not tremendous amount but it's i'm i feel like it's an embarrassment of riches i live a very cheap life yeah i work paycheck to paycheck yeah i'm not used to having a recurring part in a TV show. I've only had it once before. Yeah, Political Animals? Yeah, and that was a limited season. It was only six episodes. So I was in four out of six.

I only got four paychecks, well, weekly, so I don't know. But this, it appears I'll be working more regularly. And doing this alone will... That'll cover you for the year yeah more than i mean i live very cheaply yeah the hbo model where it's like it takes them three weeks to shoot an episode yeah that's so expensive they're paying you weekly do you know how long the pilot was how long uh eight weeks nine weeks as a scorsese directed pilot yeah um that's crazy and again it's like you know what an hour-long drama on tv usually takes what like eight to ten days maybe yeah like it's like way less than three weeks

hvo is just like we're gonna do this the right way because like i worked two days last week and one week this week you could fit those three days into one week they didn't so they had to pay me twice as much right which i'm not complaining about i'm happy yeah but it also feels like it feels like that's where the money's going i mean whatever you know how you know they're spending a lot of money on this show the food is amazing ah that sounds great the catering is so good and so many options it was like stir fry yesterday it was make your own stir fry. It was a station you point to which things you wanted and then you picked red or white sauce.

I love how it's make your own but someone else makes it for you. Yeah. So, by the way, Jar Jar has taken out a whole droid army by falling over. It's awful. He's hanging from the thing. Oh, how Buster Keaton-esque. I hate that this battle scene takes place in a green field of nothing.

It brought daylight. It just feels really like, yeah. Jar Jar lands on the ground and goes, God, it's such a stupid movie. What if Attack of the Clones is great, David? It might be amazing. It might be amazing. I mean, you know.

I mean, maybe that's part of the Star Wars mystique that you go into everything thinking like, holy cow, this is going to be awesome. Yeah. You know, like your expectations are never dulled, even if you like logically they should be. Right. So this is even worse than Jar Jar. Yeah.

This idea that Anakin somehow flies into the donut ship when no one else can by mistake and he's trying to stop there's no explanation for how he pulls this off and it doesn't make sense because they could just be hey you've seen in pod race anakin's a great pilot you know like that they could just play it seriously he wants to do it straight forward they go anakin just stay here and he's like fuck this i can take this in my own hands and instead there's this nonsense where he's like whoops which button is this bang bang shooting droids and stuff it's so annoying it's also annoying that like the two things that help save the day are both done by accident like jar jar saves the day by accident anakin saves the day by accident yeah and and this the duel of fates is awesome but it's a very small

contained fight it's just three people fighting um god but this does look so good yeah but then yeah now uh the one problem i quite gone so that's about to get taken out one problem with this scene although i think it's fine is you're not quite sure where the hell they are they're in this like weird engine room and obi-wan's in like a force field and you don't really know why these things exist stabbed right in the stomach it's good though and it's for the first time qui-gon looks surprised yeah like literally for the first time in the whole movie he can't believe that this guy got one over on him that's the only thing he didn't see coming yeah it's pretty good and then like it's kind of weird because, one, it's a little shocking.

Yeah. Like maybe you could see it coming because he's the old guy. You know, he's going to bite the dust. It's a little shocking. I thought he was definitely going to live to see the end of this movie. I thought he was our central character. Right. And he'd be the lead in a sequel.

And then. My give up. Oh, God. Tarple slaps himself in the face And uh This is the great Amidala scene Where She decoyed

Decoyed Zvenomodians I don't know it's like really weird I just got a twitter notification telling me That How did they get in, by the way? Because the other team had to suction cup through a bunch of windows. I feel like at no point in this film do we see anyone with a good security system.

Everything's so easily broken into, escaped from, you know? Yeah. These battle droids really are just tearing through rice paper. Yeah, they're useless. It's almost hard to believe that they took over Naboo. Yeah. I mean, even though they don't have an army. Now, vice versa.

It's just like Sia Bilbo threw his hands up and was like, fine, I don't like confrontation. Sia Bilbo's just lazy. Sia Bilbo's lazy. God, look at Darth Maul. Look at how much presence he has. So this scene, it's a lot more athletic the battle between maul and obi-wan because you got ewan mcgregor an actor in his 20s who's obviously just he's happy to go full force yeah and it's it's fantastic and the cuts between the wide and the

the mid shots lightsaber split in half he's only got half the visual language is perfect yeah it's not confusing at all the sound effects are great they cut on action we didn't talk about this in 10 episodes how good this scene is it's funny yeah it's awesome uh what's the guy's gonna say i mean look obviously the makeup's doing a lot of work for him right the design is great and he's a great physical actor and he's trained in like martial arts or whatever yeah but ray park does some really underrated eye acting in this movie he gets a lot across a lot of intensity i mean a lot of his intimidation comes from just his his icy stare yes totally and that's all on him yeah

take this Oh god I would be less annoyed by Anakin Ending up on the ship by accident And taking out the whole thing If he also wasn't able to escape And just fucking die If he didn't keep saying oops Oh yeah you think he could just die

That would be kind of funny For him to sneak on by accident Kill everyone by accident but also accidentally make it out alive while everything else is blowing up behind him feels a kind of a cheat you know oh totally there's celia emory oh wow yep i didn't realize that's her and then ricolea we didn't hit it they are so incompetent we're gonna hit it what's that no itent. We didn't hit it. What's that? No, it's not. This is not pod racing. No, this is pod racing is arguably the worst line in the movie. It has nothing to do with pod racing.

It's a totally different thing. And he's like, what? This is war. You're killing. I mean, you realize, I know it's mostly bad people on that ship and a lot of battle droids, but he is killing some innocent Neimodians. It's true. It's pretty shocking, actually.

And he's just going, this is Padre and you see them like well you know he's a young boy who doesn't know quite how powerful he is and now all the droids are there that is kind of uh I will say Avengers Age of Ultron

Pulls the same kind of thing where like once The one character is taken out then all the other robots Are burned and it's just fall to the ground No it doesn't what do you mean That doesn't happen in Age of Ultron in Age of Ultron they have to kill all the robots Oh it happens in the first Avengers Yes actually when they blow up the center The all the

Chitauri all collapse In Age of Ultron there is this idea That they're whittling down every single Ultron. Yeah. All right. And there he goes. Takes down Maul. There's an interesting thing. This genuinely shocked me.

The blood. There's not like a blood spatter. Yeah, there's a little blood mist. I guess the idea is that the- It cauterizes the ghost. That's the idea of the lightsaber. The mist is interesting. It's a good moment.

Yeah. If I was shocked that Qui-Gon died died i was so shocked that darth maul died i really did not think he was gonna die definitely felt like this is our hero this is our villain they're gonna take us through however many movies georgie makes but now maul is maul's a real red herring yeah god but i mean i've told you my predictions I think Attack of the Clones is going to be A clone of Darth Maul Yeah no I know It's going to be clone Darth Maul

And they'll probably also introduce some new crazy Fucking physically threatening villain You know What are you imagining I'm imagining like Darth Maul times 10 Do you know what I'm saying Do you mean size wise or do you just mean like In terms of, like,

makeup? Um, no, I think probably a really extreme design. I mean, that's what everyone loved from Darth Maul is how extreme he looked, you know? Yeah. So someone with some really cool alien design, I think someone who's really fit, really acrobatic, you know? Yeah, I see what you're saying. Maybe, like,

multiple limbs, you know? Maybe he has, like, some genetic thing that makes him a better fighter, you know? So he's got like multiple arms or like six legs, so he runs and jumps really well or something. I don't know, man. That sounds like it could just come off as cartoonish and boring, though. I don't know. This, you can kiss your trade federation goodbye. It is fascinating how like civil all of these things are where they're like, well, it looks like you've been overthrown.

It's sort of the idea of the Neumodians, right? It's like they, without their things are where they're like well it looks like you've been overthrown it's sort of the idea that nemoidians right it's like they they without their droids they're pretty sad they're pretty pathetic people this is emick dermot's best moment you young skywalker your career with great interest he has this little jaunty little he walks look how proud he is god beaming it's a good costume it's a great costume he's got sort of the style bibble congratulations on your election chancellor your buildness has saved our people he's so funny god make a kind of a demon d in the background that was producer rick mccullum is in the background that's my fact for the fucking day um yeah this is a weird scene where they don't

uh they don't really get into this yeah the chosen one that boy may be yeah nevertheless i fear grave danger but sure why don't you a recently like field promoted jedi take over like i'm sure you can handle it teenager and no joke zero people are listening at this point right yeah yeah i think i mean i'm happy we did this only because

i think it's funny that we did it like i think it's funny that we did It like it's funny that it exists yeah No it was really just an excuse for us to hang out Which is what the whole podcast is yeah and it's A great it's a great that we get so yeah What's the weirdest thing we can say we're we're now Um two hours and Nine minutes in okay so we have including Credits and we probably have like four minutes left

This is Alive Body doesn't disappear It just burns Padme Is now back with the hair testicles Yeah Ribbers, beeps

Jar Jar looks sad This is a great shot Where Anakin is looking at And Qui-Gon has sort of been promoted He will be a jedi i promise yeah yeah there's a weird there's a there's a definite sadness to this where anakin is like what have i gotten myself into attack the clones has to be his training right i mean i feel like you go straight from this you pick up right where we left off and it's like a kid learning the ways

can i just say something yeah it's pretty rude all these guys are talking at a funeral. They're all chatting. They're like, so was it the Sith? You can't talk about this before? Yeah. There you go. And then you master the apprentice and then there's this shot of Anakin, Obi-Wan, and then we pull focus to Palpatine.

It's a great shot. And the light flickering on him. Okay, now it's a big party. This is the end. They're blowing their horns. It's a bunch of goon gins and they got drums like this. It's actually pretty good I think it kind of peps me up music To your character haven't got a chance to talk about every time I was on screen I were talking about something else I forget to mention it. There's the one goon again They show a lot who just looks like Jar Jar, but he's fat. Okay, I don't notice this character

I'm gonna figure out who he is, but he looks like Jar Jar. He's dressed like Jar Jar but he's fat okay i don't notice this character i'm gonna try to figure out who he is but he looks like Jar Jar he's dressed like Jar Jar he's just fat he's just a fat Jar Jar i like the iconography of this in the ac anakin now has the pad one braid and yeah he looks pretty disappointed about it he looks really bummed out but i love the music of this with the the like jake lloyd really feels like every scene this movie feels like he'd rather be outside playing with his friends Not the character the actor Evan Pail there of course Famous Jedi the great Evan Pail

And then Emmerdale looks very nice And she presents a glowing orb I'll hand it to her To Boss Nass. The iconography is kind of nice. And he says, peace. Yep, so now peace. It didn't feel like there wasn't peace between.

Yeah, they were just cool. Oh, and now Amidala looks and gives her a little side smirk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's so charmed by this eight-year-old boy. Obi-Wan. And then the last shot is the white of all of them. And then we circle. WrittenWan, and then the last shot is the wide of all of them. And then we circle. Written and directed

by George Lucas. Wow. Okay. Produced by Rick McCallum. Rick. Producers have to exert control over their directors. Tricky Rick. Come on. Executive producer George Lucas. Well, there's the problem. Okay. I'm doing the more. David Tatterstall. He's director of photography.

While you're doing this, I'm going to look up and see if I can figure out what the fat goon oh for crying out loud forget about the fat goon you're not gonna find him i want to find him ben burt and ben burt the sound guy also edits the movie he's a pro oh he's the best uh everyone in this is basically british that's the crew is british you're gonna find it because you're just gonna get boss ass I'm not it's not he doesn't look like boss ass I know but he's a fat gunkan No but I'm looking for this other I know what you're looking for Alright so billing order is

Neeson McGregor Up and comer rising And then I assume Portman And then Is it McTier? Jake Lloyd? Jake Lloyd and Pernilla August split card.

Yeah. And then Frank Oz. Kind of a weird, McDermott should be in. With Samuel Jackson co-starring. Geez, Oliver Ford, Davies, Hugh Quarsh, E. McDermott. And then Alvin Best, Anthony Daniels, Kenny Baker. So all the kind of puppet guys in one card. With Terrence Stamp as Chancellor.

And Samuel L. Jackson. So there's two ands. Yeah. Oh, no. He's not even credited. I mean, he's not top of the line. That's so weird, design director. That's so weird.

It is weird. Why did Pretty Little August get such high billing? That's kind of weird, right? I think, I don't know. It's weird. I mean, she's sort of a major character in that she's on screen a lot i'm not saying she doesn't deserve high billing but it's weird for her well she's really just build over the puppeteers yeah i mean it's actually

kind of a small cast it really is yeah oh see okay now look at this this order is neeson mcgregor portman lloyd mcdermott August, Davis, Porsche, Best Daniels, Baker, Oz, Stamp, Blessed Seacombe Park Again Samuel L. Jackson buried behind the Bravo Squadron Dominic West and Sophia Coppola, Keira Knightley Silas Carson

Jabba the Hutt is credited as himself Lindsay Duncan is the Voice of TC-14 She is, voice of TC 14 she is voice Of Tejau is Toyga I don't Know who that is If you notice the voice of Rune Haku is James Taylor I assume one in the same we talked

About this before fire and rain we made those jokes I can't remember this whole thing's a fucking blur to me Um Fat Gungan how do I find This you're not Going to find it so just give up so funny Looking Gungan? How do I find this? You're not going to find it So just give up He's so funny looking Gungan

Characters I'm looking on Wikipedia I searched for Fat Gungan and you were right I only found Lost Ass Rosaria Coppola is credited as an assistant. You assume that's another Coppola. Rosario Coppola.

Rosario. Rosario. Stop looking for the fat gungan and say something outrageous. I'm looking for him. I'm going to find him. Say something outrageous? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Brugger, Nass, Gallo.

I'm totally finding this guy. Something outrageous. I don't know. Prompt me. The Gem movie looks terrible. Yeah, I mean, I was never, I'm not someone who cares about that, but. I'm not either, but I'm still astounded just as a fan of cinema as an art

how bad it looks. I agree. And it looks like a really straight ripoff of Josie and the Pussycats, which is one of my favorite movies the last 15 years. But it's like Josie and the Pussycats, which is one of my favorite movies the last 15 years. But it's like Josie and the Pussycats minus the satirical underpinning. We should do a Josie and the Pussycats episode with Pilot. That's like our favorite movie.

Yeah. And that movie was a huge flop, too. Yeah. It doesn't really have the get out of jail free thing. It came at the wrong time. Who made it? It was the people who made Can't Hardly Wait. Which is a good movie.

Yeah, it was the direct follow-up. Oh, boy. Stop looking for the fat gungan. You're driving me crazy. There's one named Lunker, and I was hoping the fat one was going to be named Lunker. Agora, Jolie, Gany. They're all listed.

God. Yeah, Gany. I don't have pictures, though. Peppy Bo. Yeah, I can't find it. Fuck it. This is terrible. I hate the whole thing.

Don't worry about it. Props to the model makers. There's some nice models in this movie. Yeah. We're literally, we're just doing commentary on the credits. That's nice. It's a long credit Sequence I mean long Uh visual effects crew

Fueled by Michael Smith of Java The Hut that's pretty clever the coffee Guy and well I know I was thinking Java the uh like the computer program Um It was visual effects you're well Okay okay or maybe it just meant That they found a guy at a coffee shop

The choirs Include london children's choir so there's a children's choir on that on that uh second unit roger christian was director of second unit okay he's directed some big stuff right i think roger christian's directed some films i gotta be honest i really don't keep track of second unit guys well when the transition to being oh you're saying he became a i believe he has directed fully himself so we've got an italy shoot roger christian oh i knew it do you know roger kirsten directed what battlefield earth oh i knew that i knew i knew his name for some reason got it off of this i think so too he made it right after this yeah What a disaster that movie is. Yeah, he directed the Nostradamus movie with F. Murray Abraham. Can't say I know it.

He directed Masterminds with Patrick Stewart and Vincent Carthage. That one I know. And the Battlefield Earth. And since then, a lot of... Not a lot. A film called Bandido. He did Stranded with Christian Slater. One of those great Christian Slater sci-fi pictures

That we all love You're missing the close here Copyright 1999 released by 20th Century Fox Film Corporation If you experience any condition that distracts you from the theatrical presentation Please call 1-800-PHONE-THX Or visit THX quality assurance Should we call that number right now?

No I'm going to call 1-800-PHx yeah uh don't do that you don't think i should call them complain about the movie no no because the movie actually looked great what is this by the way this i don't know it's like we're seeing like motors like gearing up no one's actually watched the end of this movie before it's crazy okay phone t information is available about this number um do you know what this looks like a lot right now what we're seeing is like a weird like it's an ad for thx it's like a sound reel yeah here we go it was made to look like flowers and fauna

all turning into machinery yeah it looks kind of like strange magic the film that George Lucas produced I'm pretty sure it was his idea at the very least it's based on the story does a lot of like napkin movies right where it's like George Lucas is like go do this yeah he said he wanted to make him we that was Star Wars for girls and my analysis that's really Wars for girls. And my analysis of that movie... That's really what he said? Yep.

And my analysis of Strange Magic is that George Lucas has never met a girl before. If that's the movie that he thinks a girl wants to see, then he's never met a girl. Man, it is so crazy that George Lucas is married to this super awesome lady who he hopefully... Melanie Hobson. The more I look her up, the more I'm impressed by her and the more I'm embarrassed by assuming that she wrote for Jet Magazine. She's the editor of Jet Magazine. I'm the biggest piece of garbage.

He has a story credit on Strange Magic. Okay. Yeah. Well, that concludes our run of The Phantom Menace, officially. We've not done the commentary. That's it. It was terrible.

I hope you synced it up with the film while you watch it you probably gained a lot yeah yeah so we're now at two hours and 20 minutes i can't believe this worked yeah me neither um well any any final thoughts you want to say well i mean you'll next hear us doing judging the judge and after that attack of the podcast i have to watch the judge you have to watch the judge i'm really not excited to i have to watch the judge a second time david our fans demanded it we have to people the judge a second time, David. Our fans demanded it. We have to.

People were banging down our doors going, I want judging the judge. When are we doing that? June 3rd? Yeah, something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Final thoughts.

Oh, I can't believe I just watched that movie again. I'm going to have to log it on Letterboxd. OK. How many times have you logged it now? I keep forgetting to log it. Okay. Yeah. So here are my final predictions

about Attack of the Clones. Oh, we're going to do Attack of the Clones? No, come on. Forget Attack of the Clones. Or unless you want to make some crazy prediction. I just want to say, you look at, sequels try to improve on the original, right?

Yeah. Let's give more of what the fans like, less of what they didn't. So seeing they're going to, you know, course correct the death of Darth Maul by bringing the clones in. Yeah. Best streamlined okay tons of action scenes clear goals dramatic stakes upped yeah tension you know i want scenes or every scene i know what's going on why it's happening it sounds like you're hoping for less exposition let's not forget this Is a Star Wars movie made by George Lucas And it was made 13 years ago

Yeah so I don't know Um But if you were if you were Someone who watched the Phantom Menace And George Lucas is making a sequel and said what did you Like about the movie I would say like the pod Race lightsaber battles Are kind of cool yeah

Strip away a lot of these Characters Jar Jarakin get rid of them obi-wan you know it's encouraging we looked at the mdb new guy playing anakin they got rid of jake lloyd right he's probably a huge improvement yeah yeah probably so i assume it's still gonna be a little boy that's logically that'd be the next step in this franchise griffin it's hayden christiansen we know he's not a little boy well not now but the movie was made a while ago hayden christiansen was a teenager in 2002 at least really i think so that feels like a weird story choice i mean when did shattered glass come out 2003 yeah yeah so they're yearly

so you're that's a good movie so you're telling me that all the other actors are playing the same characters continuous and that this one character has suddenly aged like 10 years overnight if you think about it because if amidala is what 14 then um now she's gonna be 17 and he's gonna be he's gonna be the same age as well because portman's older and the character she's playing it's all it all works out okay fine whatever i'm so excited to watch tag of the clothes i'm so excited just watch a new movie um yeah i'm really wiped out yeah i'll be honest with you okay so this is the end of the podcast no i mean we can talk we're done uh you you gotta go do what do you have to do now um i have so much work to do really i have to review

aquarius david dukovny that's really bad it's really bad uh i have to interview david a yellow tomorrow yeah that's cool yeah that's exciting yeah that's really fun yeah i'm gonna use this thing in fact yeah this uh thing we're recording this podcast on to interview him i maybe have a date tonight with this mustache which i'm i really need to talk to you about this but we'll do that off mic yeah okay uh great so uh thank you all for listening oh my god if you're still listening i just don't know who you are oh let's let's do this thing where we throw out a hashtag to tweet at us so if you are listening to us at this point so what what's what's the ultimate

hashtag for for our listeners right now um well hashtag gragra now that's too obvious they might already if they're just fans they might what's something that you wouldn't think of unless you were listening up until... For you, it's hashtag Fat Gungan. Fat Gungan? Fat Gungan. Yeah, make it hashtag Fat Gungan. Yeah. And you can figure out what the Fat Gungan is named.

Just tweet Fat Gungan at us. Tweet Fat Gungan at us. If you made it, and literally, no one will ever do this. Okay, and here's the thing. Just because we want full honesty we don't want another fuck you email on our hands where people are lying and getting a tv taken away for a month right right we want full full transparency if you just skipped ahead to the end which is fine to hear the hashtag so that you could tweet to us because you thought that's the kind of thing we were going to do that's fine with us yeah yeah but we ask that you acknowledge that that's what

you did by adding on a second hashtag which is java the hud yeah that's good that's right java so if you've actually listened all the way if you actually listen all the way through you should tell us who griffin sat next to who gave each other hand jobs and um yeah so there were four big names I threw out I used first names only They were my two friends who fingered each other during Attack of the Clones I don't remember the names And then it was the two people with the email

Oh boy Okay great Thank you all for listening And as always David I don't know. And as always, we give up as always.

Goodbye. We're done. Goodbye.