Blind Plea - Listen Now: Everything Happens with Kate Bowler (featuring Coach K)

Episode Date: March 26, 2025

Just in time for the excitement of March Madness, join us for this deep dive into leadership, teamwork, and unlocking potential—on and off the court. What happens when someone believes in you&nd...ash;before you’re even ready to believe in yourself? In this powerful conversation, Duke Professor Kate Bowler sits down with legendary basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski (Coach K) to talk about trust, leadership, and the important work of calling out greatness in others. From his storied career at Duke to coaching Team USA, Coach K shares what he has learned about the power of honest feedback, why trust is the foundation of meaningful relationships, and how four simple words–”I believe in you”–can change everything. There’s even a story where he hangs up on a player. Twice. (It worked.) In this humorous and heartfelt conversation, Coach K and Kate discuss: Why trust (not talent) is what makes a team great. The courage it takes to offer honest feedback—even when it’s uncomfortable. How to call out the best in others (and yourself). For more episodes of Everything Happens, head to: https://lemonada.lnk.to/everythinghappensfdSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi, is this an okay time? It's your girl Dylan Mulvaney and I am inviting you to my weekly cocktail party and my brand new podcast, The Dylan Hour, brought to you by Lemonada Media. Life is stressful and there is so much darkness in the world, I think we could all use a little bit of trans joy. So join me every week as I interview some of my favorite A-list celebrity friends and gurus and of course the dolls while we sip and spill the scalding hot tea. So put your worries aside and join me at the
Starting point is 00:00:29 Dylan hour. You can listen on Apple, YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts. Love ya. The first 100 days of a new presidential administration have the potential to be the most impactful. Campaign promises and concepts of plans begin to take shape and become reality. I'm Sarah and I'm Beth. Together we host Pansu Politics, a podcast where we take a different approach to the news. Join us for this different approach where we ask questions, resist hot takes, and have fun no matter what the world serves up. We'll get you through the first 100 days and beyond of the new Trump administration. Stay informed without all the anxiety. Join us for new episodes every Tuesday and Friday wherever you get your podcast.
Starting point is 00:01:06 This is Everything Happens and I'm Kate Bowler. Okay. Today we're having a conversation about greatness and grit with someone who knows a thing or two about winning. Our guest, the legendary coach Mike Shashevsky or K, led the Duke men's basketball team to over a thousand victories and five national championships and led the U.S. team to three Olympic gold medals. No big deal. This conversation was part of a live event at Duke University or one that you can watch on YouTube too. We'll link it in the show notes. You can even watch his urge to walk around stage and coach the whole room. And hey, if you're not a basketball person or maybe not a Duke basketball person, first, I forgive you. Second, stay with me.
Starting point is 00:01:56 This conversation isn't just about stats and trophies or being a Cameron crazy. It's about the deeper stuff like trust, resilience, and what it means to see greatness in others when they can't quite see it in themselves. Because Coach K doesn't just build teams, he is obsessed with building character. So pull up a cord side seat, and by that I mean a cozy spot in your living room or in your car or just keep on walking if you're walking. This is a conversation about the wins that shape us and the losses that change us. And without further ado, the
Starting point is 00:02:31 legendary Coach K. I had heard that you like to start your games sometimes by writing a word on the whiteboard to focus a conversation. And I thought maybe we might want to start similarly. You're going to write a word that will be maybe a theme word for our conversation. I don't want to judge yours. Let's just give it a whirl. How about something I feel? If you want to give me an emotion, I would be here's what I. Hey, just give me one second, because I feel like you're already more talented. Hey, do you want to go first or second?
Starting point is 00:03:16 Yeah, my words hopeful. Oh, I'm hoping that you're going to fulfill your duties here. Because right now I'm a little nervous about it. I'm nervous about... For them. And you. Fair. So then this feels equally impossible.
Starting point is 00:03:48 I wrote best friends. It's possible. Well, I like hopeful. How do you erase this? I won't ever make you do something. Do you use my white shirt? This is where the cry box comes. I'll just put that there in case you decide to feel more emotions. I don't want to rush you.
Starting point is 00:04:10 You have this unbelievable ability to see greatness in other people, and I imagine that's a little rare of a quality given that most of us don't feel like we have much inside of us to share other than indigestion. I know one player in particular, Shane Gattier, who wasn't sure that he had greatness inside of him, but you were sort of hoping he'd figure out pretty quickly. Yeah, well, Shane, we've always recruited good guys, and they're outstanding players, but they're really good guys. So, we recruited talent with character.
Starting point is 00:04:51 We didn't recruit talented characters. Talented characters sometimes think they're better than they are. Sometimes talent with character doesn't believe they're as good. They know they're good, but where I think they can go. And between Shane's sophomore and junior years, we needed him to step up and become a DHCC player of the year and eventually national player of the year. DHCC player of the year and eventually national player of the year. So he was working in Chicago doing an internship and I called him one morning and I said, Shane, it's Coach Kay. He says, yeah, Coach. I said, when you went to bed last night, did you look in the mirror
Starting point is 00:05:38 and say, I'm the best player in the DHCC? And he said, no, and I hung up on him. best player in the ACC. And he said, no, and I hung up on him. And, no, this is all true. And the next day I called him again. I said, Shane, this is Coach K. I said, this morning, when you were going to work, did you think about being the best player on our national championship team?
Starting point is 00:06:06 I said, coach, and I hung up on him again. And the next day I called and he said, coach, don't hang up. And I said, well, I won't hang up if you don't hang up on yourself. And you've gone to a level that most players would love, but you're capable of so much more. And I told them the four words that I think are the most powerful words on this planet is when you can look at someone and say, I believe in you, you know, and I want you to believe
Starting point is 00:06:46 in you. I got chills thinking about it because I've had that experience with so many of these guys and they respond. And Shane then went bonkers. And he was as good a leader as we've ever had and as good a representative for Duke University as there could be. He's just magnificent. And he's a little bit cocky now. Now I have to tell you, you're not that good. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:21 How do you know when someone's ready to hear, I believe in you? You know, you get to know them. When I recruited John Shire, he was 17 years old, 16, 17, and I told him, like I told all the guys we recruited, I'm going to be one of the maybe two, three people, I hope there are more in your life that will always tell you the truth. And you can count on me telling you the truth. And I said, I want you to do that with me.
Starting point is 00:07:57 And what happens then, if you develop that level of relationship, the single biggest thing that you can develop is trust. And if we get it going, like we'll see in about 40 minutes if we get there, I call it the speed to trust. In other words, I have a relationship with John. It went to the highest level of speed to trust because if I said anything to him, he believed it. And as soon as he said something to me, I believed it, but he had to mature and get there and he did.
Starting point is 00:08:38 And he's doing the same thing with the guys that are on this Duke team and the guys he's recruiting. And I think it's the thing, it's the biggest value of our program, trust, although there are others, but trust is the key one. Yeah. It's so beautiful to think about people. There's a lot of pastors here tonight. There's a lot of people who really have all kinds
Starting point is 00:09:00 of communities at the heart of how they think about being successful. It's really lovely to think about, like part of the job as being like, how quickly can we get to a place where you trust me to tell the truth to you? And I trust myself that I'm able to hear yours. Yeah, but sometimes the truth is hard to take. It's not just I believe in you. Wouldn't that be nice to just leave it at that?
Starting point is 00:09:24 And we're good. Thank you. Wouldn't that be nice to just leave it at that? And we're good, thank you. I improve nothing. So like that first night when you're a recruit now, I saw you play. You got a lot of work to do and two halves, dribble, anyone. So like you're a recruit right now, first time, I said, you know, eye to eye contact, trust. But there's going to be a time like a tense moment in a game where there's a time out and you're not playing well. And I'm going to tell you to get your head in the right spot instead of where it is right
Starting point is 00:10:07 now. You have to believe me then too. And it can't be like, oh man, he's picking on me or whatever. We can't have that relationship. We got to cut through the tough times quickly, and the good times will be a lot easier quicker. And so with Shane, with John, to me that's the thing I enjoyed most about my coaching career was the relationships with all those guys.
Starting point is 00:10:43 That's why we have what we call the brotherhood, and we have each other's back. But it's based on being honest with one another, being truthful with one another. Yes. Your mom was such an important part of your life. And I wonder, when you're thinking about greatness, whether she, I wonder whether your mom saw greatness in you or whether she was just very busy cultivating
Starting point is 00:11:08 goodness. I know she believed in me. My guys would say that they've all heard this, and I always told all of them, you guys need to be as tough as your mothers. And I said, like, my mom, she showed up every day. I never knew she was sick. I never knew she was tired. And she was there for me all the time. Jay Billis, who has a cutting sense of humor at times, when he says, you know, man, I was scared to meet Mrs. Shchevsky.
Starting point is 00:11:50 And then all of a sudden she walked in and she's just this sweet lady. I'm supposed to be as tough as her. And I said, and you weren't, Jane. But my mom only had an eighth grade education and she was a cleaning lady in the Chicago Athletic Club in Chicago. She taught me the dignity of work. And to be precise, you have a job to do, you get it done. But also, where do you learn your values of trust, respect, faith, your faith and all that?
Starting point is 00:12:35 And so when someone says, who is your mentor or who do you follow? I said, really, my mom and dad were my mentors. Other people taught me, and I learned from a bunch of people, but if they didn't till the ground, till the soil the right way, and they did that. When I went to West Point, she was the major reason I went to West Point. I didn't want to go to West Point. And I was going to go to Creighton or Wisconsin to play basketball. And Bob Knight was my college coach, and he had come in, and when he came to visit, my parents, when he left, my parents said, you're going to West Point.
Starting point is 00:13:19 Congratulations. I said, I'm not going to West Point. And they said, that's where presidents go. And I said, I don not going to West Point. And they said, that's where presidents go. And I said, I don't want to be president. I want to be a point guard. So I told Knight, no, Coach Knight, no. And ethnic, maybe in every family, Polish family, Chicago, there are two story houses that are called flats. We lived on one floor, my aunt and uncle lived on another.
Starting point is 00:13:52 And when my parents didn't want me and my brother Bill to know what they're talking, they spoke in Polish. And so after I said no for two straight weeks, my mom and dad would speak in Polish. And they would go and pretend this is Polish, da-da-da-da-da-da-da, stupid. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da, Mike. No, this is all true. It's like two weeks. And finally I said, all right, I'll go.
Starting point is 00:14:32 And then it was difficult. It was right at the end. And I call it the best decision I never made. But I trusted my mom and dad, and they believed in me. They believed that I could do that. And then once you got there, you were also taught you finish what you start. So again, it turned my whole life around. And eventually to be coaching here and US teams and all that, and it's because of Emily and Bill.
Starting point is 00:15:14 And there's no question. I also read that West Point was a time of tremendous failure for you as you failed. Why do you... I just of tremendous failure for you as you failed. Why do you... Both... I'll just read, tremendous failure. No, is this the point where we're going to bring out all the bad qualities? Tremendous failure. I see here you failed both swimming and gymnastics classes at West Point, just to confirm or deny.
Starting point is 00:15:40 Not gymnastics. Swimming. No, this was crazy. So at West Point, they change your, they make you fail. You know, part of, I don't understand why people don't accept the fact that part of getting better is failure. You know, so otherwise you get an app for a new talent instead of developing a talent. So at West Point, we had a saying, failure is not our destination.
Starting point is 00:16:11 So swimming. So I grew up in the University of Chicago. There weren't pools. There were fire hydrants. In Lake Michigan, you only went up to your waist, all right? So the second day at West Point, you go through a thing called Beast Barracks, and you do a swimming test. There's a pool that's seven feet, the whole, you know, which is cheating, you know?
Starting point is 00:16:37 I mean, you can't start on the two-foot part. So the upperclassman gives you a 10 pound rubber brick and then says, swim as far as you can with the brick. I said, sir, I can't swim. And he said, jump in. So you jump in, you go to the bottom of the pool, the weight goes to the bottom. They pull the wait out first and they take you out. So my whole freshman year, my plebe year, three times a week I was in the rock squad with about 30 other guys. And at seven o'clock, Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings, you went there and I still remember the guy, Mr. Surge.
Starting point is 00:17:24 He's all in white and we're hugging on to the side of the pool, you know, and he says, gentlemen, remember, there are no walls in the ocean. And we're looking at, this guy's nuts. No. We're in the Army, not the Navy. I'm not in Annapolis. I'm at West Point. I'm going to be in a tank or a jeep.
Starting point is 00:17:59 I don't need to know how to swim. The fact is, you have a mission, you have something to do, you get it done. Like no excuses. Like you get it done. So Kate, I was lucky I got a double dose. I played for one of the great coaches of all time, and Bob Knight, and I was the point guard and then captain. So I really learned about basketball and leading a team.
Starting point is 00:18:28 And then I went to the best leadership school in the world. Even though it didn't seem like you were lucky when those things were going on, I really was very, very lucky to have that happen. Man, that's going to have that happen. That's going to stick with me. No more failures. The ocean. There'll be three more questions about failure. And by the way, the gymnastics.
Starting point is 00:18:55 You're like, let the point stand. No, no. Why do you climb a rope? And why do you have to do things on that thing they call a horse? Get a horse. Why do you do those things? So I'm not against people doing them. I just...
Starting point is 00:19:20 He's very against it. It was never in my... Okay, what's your goals in your dreams? Climbing a rope, swimming, and doing all kinds of crazy things on a horse. That was not what I wanted. Oh, it makes me so happy. We're going to be right back after a break
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Starting point is 00:21:24 That's right. We're watching all the episodes of Bones, starting with episode one, and we are the right people to do it. I play Dr. Temperance Brennan, and I met Carla 16 years ago on set. I played Deezie Wick. Tune in every Wednesday to hear all our behind the scenes
Starting point is 00:21:38 stories, conversations with cast and crew, and our favorite moments. Boneheads from Lemonada Media is out wherever you get your podcasts. I want to talk about the early years of you leading because I know there's a lot of people in this room who lead in their communities and their families, in their companies, in their churches, and frankly leading is an incredibly vulnerable position. And frankly, leading is an incredibly vulnerable position.
Starting point is 00:22:08 Leading out front, everybody watches. Everybody thinks they can do your job. Not that anyone has ever insinuated that. But it's just a strangely vulnerable position to get used to, especially before you've had an incredible track record. You just have the sheer effort of trying. I wonder what advice you might be able to give people who are really just feeling
Starting point is 00:22:32 the vulnerability of leading. Well, I think leadership is the best profession in the world. It's exciting because every day is different. And as a leader, you have a chance to get a group of people, use their talents together to accomplish something good. What I'm lecturing now or speaking on right now with leadership, I call it the three A's of leadership. And the first A is agility.
Starting point is 00:23:07 Like if you're a quarterback and you call a player at the scrimmage line and you see that the play isn't going to work, so you call an audible. You're a point guard, you're bringing the ball down the court, you're supposed to run a play, but you see something more opportunistic. So a really good leader is agile. And but you're more agile if you have the second A, and that's being adaptable. And obviously, adapting with AI, with new technology and all that. But the single biggest thing I think a leader has to adapt to is communication.
Starting point is 00:23:48 And for leaders, though, if you have the opportunity to lead with your groups, you know, it's really cool if I know your son's birthday or an anniversary or something going on, like, oh, man, they think of me. But what if we're involved in something and I said, hey, how do you feel about what we're doing? What do you think about what we're doing? It hits you in a different place. You mean, you want to know what I think or feel? Yeah, I want to know that. And what that does, I think it empowers the people on your team where they have ownership, they feel part of it.
Starting point is 00:24:34 The other thing, a lot of people think leaders are people who solve problems. And that's cool, that's part of it. But the real outstanding leaders have this communication system where their team anticipates problems, and so they never occur. And that's where that agility comes in. If you have the people around you, instead of me asking, you're telling. We have that level of relationship.
Starting point is 00:25:08 But those two are not good without the third A, and that's accountability. And I truly believe in accountability, and a lot of people, it's not alive and well right now. People don't like to be, to hold somebody accountable. And accountability is just meeting the truth head on. And the toughest accountability thing I ever had was with the U.S. team in 2008, Beijing. And it was with Kobe Bryant, who was at that time the best player in the world. And I love coaching him. We miss him and and we're getting ready to go to Beijing and
Starting point is 00:25:48 we're in Shanghai playing our last exhibition game and We're doing great and Kobe started taking Laker shots Nothing against the Lakers now because JJ's coaching them, but They were bad shots. They weren't US shots. So during the, there was a free throw and while the free throw was going on, LeBron James came and he comes in. Players don't always say things, they look. So he looks at me like there's
Starting point is 00:26:27 going to be a mutiny. And I said to him, I said, don't do anything, I'll take care of it. And players of that stature will always give you another look. And I said, I promise you, I'll take care of it. So the rest of the game, we win the game, but you can tell we're disintegrating a little bit. So that night, I stayed up literally, it's a true story, all night with my staff because I have to hold Kobe Bryant accountable. So I'm thinking the next morning comes and I see Kobe, I said, Kobe, I need to talk to you. He said, of course, Coach.
Starting point is 00:27:07 And we go into a team room and I look at him. He's got these piercing, beautiful eyes. He's really one of the... He's as good a player as I've ever had the opportunity to be with. And I said, look, yesterday you took really bad shots. And I want to show them to you. So we had them on tape. I said, if you take those shots,
Starting point is 00:27:32 we will not win the gold medal. We won't win a medal. We won't have a team. And I said, and I look at him, he's looking, I said, oh, yeah. And he said, understand, you can't take those shots. Now I'm waiting for World War III, right? And he looks at me and he says, okay. And my heart dropped. I said, I stayed up all night for okay. So now I'm like LeBron. I can't believe that he actually said that.
Starting point is 00:28:06 So I said, you should, coach, that won't happen again. So fast forward three weeks later, we're in the toughest game I've ever been a part of up till that point since the gold medal game in Beijing against Spain. And they have the Gasols and everybody. We're beating them, they come back, we have a two point lead with eight minutes to go, time out, our ball, and you could just feel the tension. All three of my daughters and my wife are like this
Starting point is 00:28:38 in the stands. And I start drawing up a play, and the guy that I held accountable put his hand on my hand and he said, Coach, we don't need a play. I get some chills just thinking about this stuff, man. It's one of the great moments. And he said, we're wired for this. We're ready for this. We're ready for this. And then LeBron says something, Carmella Anthony and Dwayne Wade.
Starting point is 00:29:10 And all of a sudden we leave the bench without a play that may have worked or may not have worked. But I forgot to tell you there's a fourth A. And it's called attitude. And we left the bench, they left the bench with a winning attitude. And as a result of the winning attitude, they not only made one play, they made play after play after play, and we won the darn gold medal. And what I'm saying is being agile, adaptable, and accountable develops a winning attitude with your unit where you can win, man. You know, you can make play after play, and it's not the leader's play.
Starting point is 00:29:56 It's our play. You know, it's what we do. And so I believe in this stuff. Look, I believe in it because it works. Yeah. The ability to wrap people into this story that's bigger than yourself, I mean, it's a really beautiful thing to see up close. And it reminds me of I went to the basketball dinner
Starting point is 00:30:19 last year, which I think is a tradition that you started. But it was kind of lovely. Well, so it's this incredible tradition that family and friends and players, and I was sitting with this lovely couple where it was a husband and a wife and this very basketball-looking son. And he's very, very tall.
Starting point is 00:30:39 You could tell right away. He was like picking up things like this. Their hands are big. I know, it's really... Hopefully they use the knife and fork. That's okay. The family was like absolutely over the moon to be there. And they were all absolutely deeply invested in the Duke team and in Duke, and especially
Starting point is 00:31:03 in John. Like, apparently, John had been this incredible mentor to the son and just loved them and appreciated them and wove them into this story of who we are. And by the time I'm sitting next to them at this dinner, they are just beaming with love toward a story that they feel incredibly a part of. And the dad was like, well, and I just pray for John all the time.
Starting point is 00:31:27 And as someone who thinks a lot about God and the fact that you're not technically allowed to ask God to make you win certain things, I was like, really? Like, what do you pray for? And he was like, oh, I pray for love. There's love in winning and there's love in losing. And I thought, you know, as someone who thinks a lot about the love I learned in losing,
Starting point is 00:31:52 when things come apart, the way people can encircle you, the beauty of things you took for granted, that part made sense to me. But when I watched you all, when he said, there's love in winning, I thought, I think there's richness there that I watched you all, when he said, there's love in winning, I thought, I think there's richness there that I hadn't really, really thought about. You know, before every game, I'm Catholic,
Starting point is 00:32:14 and my wife's Baptist, and we get along. You know? They sing more than we do. And it's English, it's not Latin. And they say amen a lot. And I would always say a quick prayer and just, I've never asked about winning. I said, just help me do my best. And so really funny story.
Starting point is 00:32:45 In 1986, one of our, to me, one of the truly special teams ever in any sport here at Duke was my 86 team. We're playing Navy with David Robinson to go to the Final Four. And they're really good, and we're really good. We're number one in the country. But before the game, I said, I don't want to be sacrilegious, but God, not Navy. So, no, it's true. And we beat them pretty good, so thank you. But I believe faith is big.
Starting point is 00:33:35 It keeps you like with everybody. And in family, to me, it's the most important. And what we try to do with our basketball program is make that a family. And I think we did. And I think John and Marcel are doing the same thing. And that's a differentiator. And when people, when you're recruiting people and you're bringing people in, and they not only see, but they feel. And I think when the young men and their families come and visit us, they see great things, obviously, but they feel welcomed and they feel a family atmosphere.
Starting point is 00:34:25 A lot of the beauty and what I get to see in communities is the way that they learn to rely on each other, but relying on each other is not easy. And it usually only comes when our individualism is sort of brought to a screeching halt, not because we wanted it to. And I know you had a season like that where you would have rathered
Starting point is 00:34:45 just keep working hard forever and ever, but in 95, you really were brought to a screeching halt, both physically and mentally. And I wondered if you could tell us about what brought you there. During that year, I got the start of all my two knees replaced, two hips replaced, an ankle replaced, and back operations.
Starting point is 00:35:07 We had gone to seven Final Fours in nine years. Oh, wow. And then number one and all that. And I was worn out. And then I had a back operation a couple days into practice, and I was supposed to be out for a month, and I was back in two days. And by December, I was just, that was it. And so I had no feeling. I mean, I could touch, but no emotion, none. And we have a great president here in Vince and his wife and that. And I've worked for great presidents here too.
Starting point is 00:35:51 And one became a guy that I held with esteem, and that was Keith Brody. And he worked, I mean, I would watch tape of us beating Las Vegas or when it, I said, I can't do that anymore. I don't feel it. And we took about three months of therapy and finally I got it back, but I stopped being a micromanager, and I started making sure that everyone was in power. I changed my leadership style. And at that time, my middle daughter, Wendy, she's a psychologist, and on campus, we didn't have anything really developed yet where a
Starting point is 00:36:49 guy would be comfortable, an athlete, to do that. So Keith and my daughter Wendy started counseling for our team. And now we have magnificent things here. But because of that happening to me, I wanted to make sure that wasn't gonna happen to guys on my team. And I really didn't look at that before that time. You know, like, come on, you gotta go. You know, like it just, and I don't know if it resonated in our society
Starting point is 00:37:25 at that time either. But when it resonated with me and going through it, I said, we need to do something. Yeah. What was lovely, too, about Keith Brody was he had this amazing way of making you feel like your problems could be broken down into very concrete steps.
Starting point is 00:37:45 Like he was so ready to help you solve your problem. And I will admit that when it comes to my personal crises, like I'm a bit of a nightmare to help. A what? A bit of a nightmare. Thanks for making me say that again. You know, that was the Scott report on you. And I, You know, that was the Scott report on you.
Starting point is 00:38:09 I thought we were going to get through the game before we had to tackle that. But I'm ready for it. I'm ready for it. Were you a nightmare to help? Just a real level- headed, good guy. We're going to take a quick break to tell you about the sponsors of this show. We'll be right back. Hi, I'm Megan and I've got a new podcast I think you're going to love. It's called
Starting point is 00:39:02 Confessions of a Female Founder, a show where I chat with female entrepreneurs and friends about the sleepless nights, the lessons learned, and the laser focus that got them to where they are today. And through it all, I'm building a business of my own and getting all sorts of practical advice along the way that I'm so excited to share with you. Confessions of a Female Founder premieres April 8th. Listen wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Reshma Sajjani, founder of Girls Who Code and Moms First.
Starting point is 00:39:36 I consider myself a pretty successful adult woman. So why is it that in midlife, as I'm about to turn 50, I feel so stuck? Join me as I try to find the answer on My So-Called Midlife from Lemonada Media. I talk to experts and extraordinary guests about divorce, exercise, menopause, sex, drugs, and more to understand what we're going through and how to make the most of it. Listen wherever you get your podcasts. For all those, I know you were just a couple years past full-time coaching into this speaking, and I wonder if you have any advice to think about closing tonight for all those who might
Starting point is 00:40:16 be in a transition right now between one thing and another, between one job and another, or between empty nesting or starting something, you're a master of transition. Well, I'm curious. And so if you are, then you're a lifelong learner. And so you never feel like you've learned everything. And so to me, life is still incredibly interesting. And it's even more interesting because I don't have to depend on those guys in the striped shirts. They are despicable. We could eliminate that.
Starting point is 00:41:10 Not eliminate, but anyway. People are the most interesting thing on earth as a human being. And to me, these last two and a half years, I've been able to, like I advise for the MBA right now, and I'm still really in tune. John and I have a great relationship. But I like getting out there and learning about people. We have time for one last story.
Starting point is 00:41:48 Let's get in there. So my first practice with the US team, we're in the gym, obviously, and we're running a fast break drill. And Jason Kidd is the coach of the Dallas Mavericks, a great Hall of Fame player. And he's leading the fast break and LeBron's in one lane and Dwayne Wade's in another and balls going everywhere. And so, and not where it's supposed to. So I said, yo, yo, you guys come on over here.
Starting point is 00:42:24 And this was one of the great moments for me in coaching, this moment that I'm going to say. So before I say anything, Jay Kidd says, coach, that's on me. I'll tone it down. As soon as he said that, three or four of the guys said, no, no, no, we've never played with anybody like you. Let us adjust, I'm going to cry really, this is so damn good. Let us adjust to your talent. And talent makes talent better if talent can work together.
Starting point is 00:43:03 Yeah, that's right. Well, thank you for seeing greatness in us. Thank you for seeing greatness in the communities that we get to serve. And can we just say thank you to the winningest coach of tonight. Thank you. Thank you for being with us. Thank you very much. Thank you. My son, Zach, is 11 years old, and this year he wanted to join a team for the first time, like a sports team.
Starting point is 00:43:26 And if you know me, like since you know me now, which is to say, you know that I'm not like the sportiest human that ever sported. I was totally terrified for him because baseball is not exactly something you just know how to do. But he wanted to try. And I had to let him, knowing that all the words that people associate with kids and hobbies, like, are they natural? Or are they a prodigy? Or just all the values that get connected to children trying in sports is just something I was sort of hoping to opt out of.
Starting point is 00:44:06 I think it turned into a lesson for both of us. The parent who is desperate to allow her kid to try but only in a limited way, and the kid who really wanted to get out there, but also then immediately figured out that trying is really, really hard. And I won't say that he became a natural prodigy, that baseball is in all of our future. I will say that there's something really magical about a team. There's something about watching other adults, other trusted people pour into your kid, allowing other people to encourage, even reprimand, your person and in doing so, help them learn to test themselves against the limits of what they didn't know they could do.
Starting point is 00:44:56 And what is so lovely about teammates who like scream and cry and cheer each other on in every win and loss. And you know what I learned in this whole thing? There is crying in baseball. There's so much crying. But there was something Becky Kennedy said, that amazing parenting expert. She's like, look, we're just, we're not going to be perfect at things and we're trying not to be terrible, but in everything, we're just trying to stay in the learning zone. I loved that. Let's just all stay in the learning zone. Because there is love in winning, and there's also love in losing.
Starting point is 00:45:37 In both, we are becoming. And hey, I'd love to know what you learned from being on a team. Call me or leave me a voicemail at 919-322-8731 or write me on social media. I'm at Kate C. Boller. I would love to hear your funniest or most meaningful team stories. So darlings, I thought we could bless the feeling where we're not necessarily winners all the time, but we really want to try. So here we go. Oh darlings, I thought we could bless the feeling where we're not necessarily winners all the time, but we really want to try.
Starting point is 00:46:08 So here we go. May you have enough. Enough forgiveness to survive other people's failures. Enough courage to get back up again and again and again. Enough people to remind you that you always have a team. Enough profanity to tell the necessary truth. And a whole lot of grace to survive a world in which everything happens. Oh, and hey, it is the season of Lent, which is the season for losers everywhere, when
Starting point is 00:46:47 God is on the losing team, to keep the basketball metaphor going. And we have some ways that you can join in for free. We have a daily devotional and conversation guides that you can use as a group. So whether you want to do it by yourself or with other people, get them all for free at kpolar.com slash lent. And a big thank you to our funding partners, Lily Endowment, the Duke Endowment, and Duke Divinity School. And to the team behind everything happening and everything happens, Jess Ritchie, Harriet Putman, Keith Weston, Baze Hoenn, Gwen Higginbotham, Thank you. This is Everything Happens with me, Kate Bowler. Want more from your favorite Lemonada media podcasts while supporting the shows that help
Starting point is 00:47:57 make life suck less? Subscribe to Lemonada Premium today. As a subscriber, you'll unlock exclusive bonus content like never-before-heard interviews, behind-the-scenes moments, bonus episodes, and so much more. It's easy to sign up no matter what podcast app you use. On Apple, you can just click the Lemonada logo in the Apple Podcast app and hit Subscribe. For all other podcast apps, head to lemonada.supportingcast.fm to subscribe. That's lemonada.supportingcast.fm. Hi, everyone. Gloria Riviera here, and we are back for another season of No One Is Coming
Starting point is 00:48:35 to Save Us, a podcast about America's childcare crisis. This season, we're delving deep into five critical issues facing our country through the lens of child care, poverty, mental health, housing, climate change, and the public school system. By exploring these connections, we aim to highlight that child care is not an isolated issue, but one that influences all facets of American life. Season four of No One is Coming to Save Us is out now wherever you get your podcasts.

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