Blocks w/ Neal Brennan - Andrew Santino

Episode Date: January 19, 2023

Neal Brennan interviews Andrew Santino about the things that make him feel lonely, isolated, and like something's wrong - and how he is persevering despite these blocks. Andrew's Blocks: 00:00 Intro 04:48 Anxiety 09:26 Space + Time 18:22 Drinking + Staying Healthy 25:08 Overworking 35:14 Far from Family 42:37 Friendship 55:52 Lack of Appreciation Watch Neal Brennan: Blocks on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/81036234 Theme song by Electric Guest (unreleased) Subscribe on YouTube: https://bit.ly/2Lf6yvE Neal Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nealbrennan Twitter: https://twitter.com/nealbrennan Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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isolated something off about me and now I have my friends on and they talk about their blocks and people love it uh my guest today is uh is a good friend of mine we've had many ups and downs we've had uh mostly ups yeah and mostly ups even the down was ultimately an up yeah it helped us in the long run it was i would say it was an up even though it was a down yeah mostly enough he's got a family of podcasts there's no other word for it it's a collection it's a collection oh they call it bad friends and he's got whiskey ginger yeah and he's new one of the proud member the netflix comedy family part of the family welcome welcome home thank you man andrew santino everybody great i we can't afford that kind of sound effect. Can you clear that?

Buddy, nice to see you. Great to see you. Can you believe I'm finally doing a podcast? No, I can. You asked, I would like the record to show that you asked me before you asked Bobby,

or you asked us concurrently to do a podcast. And I was like, I don't want to do a podcast with another comedian. And then it turns out I was wrong. Foolish mistake. Turns out I was wrong. Should have, would have, could have.

And man, we would have been humming right now. $40 million. I wouldn't be here. Yeah. I'll tell you that much. I drove here in a spaceship. I'd be over at Bad Friend's studio doing an episode with Bobby.

I would have replaced him. You would. I would have stabbed you in the back. I'll say this to the fans. Neil one time let me come over to his home to shower, but before I had to go do something. Oh, this is very weird. And the only person I've ever done this with. I let Santino.

Santino texted me. He goes, I have a meeting. I'm working near your house. Then I have a meeting. Can I shower at your house? I'm out of town. And I was like, yeah. You can.

It was like a testament to friendship because I said, I was shooting right near your house, literally like four or five blocks away. Dave season three. Great. Coming out in April. And I said, I'll never be able to get home in time to clean up from this long 12-hour day to get to this thing. But I walked in and I was greeted by a vicious guard dog

who I was so pensive around, I thought would hurt me and rip me to shreds. And beyond the facetiousness, of course, is like Keith is maybe the... So he does not realize he's a pit bull. I literally jiggled the front door and he didn't bark. No. He walked up and sat. So an intruder could walk and he sat't bark no he walked up and sat so an intruder could walk like walk in he sat until i

said come here buddy and then i pet him for what would be 40 minutes before i got to take a shower i killed time just to play with keith and he's gonna get molested and then he 100 it sounds like a it sounds like a little kid that's getting that's getting ready to get well that's finning it he was also sucking on a lollipop in little boy shorts, and he had high socks on. Huh. That was Keith. Like a little Lord Fauntleroy, like short shorts.

Little Fauntleroy. Little Fauntleroy. So not to interrupt, but I do want to say thank you. That was a huge, that was, it means more than people know. You helped me out of. It's one of those things where it's like, all right. I didn't, I'd normally be like, no.'re you're on the list of maybe 15 people that I made the list go ahead turn the turn it pretty nice pressure on that great

shower great shower thank you kids got a great show you hit the bidet come on yeah of course I did you yeah of course that I didn't you were clear for that I wasn't you owe me 20 bucks. You know, one time I never publicly dumped ever. Lifetime, maybe five. Pretty rare for me, yeah. And did it at a friend's house about a year ago. Left a 20 on the toilet tank.

You should. You got to leave a 20. It should be a tip jar. Yeah, it's here. There you go um well let me say the first time i met you that i remember remember trying to remember is was at the comedy store in the driveway you basically pulled me aside and was like hey can i talk to you it was after three months to come out and you basically were like i got really bad anxiety yeah and it was a

it was a nice thing to connect about. Yeah, fair. Yeah. By the way, that's most of my relationship. Yeah, a shared anxiety story. Hey, can I talk to you about my personal emotional problem? Yeah. I hate anxiety. Tell me about your anxiety and where it came from.

I mean, this is all through a block up. My anxiety comes in the form. It is funny how everyone's anxiety comes in these weird mine is um super high stress levels cortisol pulsing through my body but not i don't recognize it until i crash i do this really wild thing that i've only learned through my old lady that i'll like be humming along like Like I'll be doing this and this and this and go to this thing and have to go to this thing and meet this thing. And I'll be like, I'll emotionally get, uh, so amped up and like rude. I'll start to be rude.

Is it, does it feel good when you're in it? No, no, but it's like, I'm keeping up. Do you know what I mean? I feel like I'm, it feels like when you're in a dream and you, when you can't punch or you can't run and you're stuck, that's what it feels like when I'm going through like a, like an anxiety moment, not an anxiety attack, but just like a, a heavy. You have chronic anxiety. It seems like you have anxiety. Yeah. All the time.

Like you wake up with it. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's, it doesn't, it's crippling. And then finally after. Where's your wheelchair? Huh?

It's a cripple. I have a cane. You walk around. He's got my... Where's your wheelchair? Huh? Is it crippling? I have a cane. You walk around. He's got my cane. Your anxiety cane? My anxiety cane. What happens is I will crash. I will literally physically go to bed.

Like I'll be running, running hot and I'll sit on the couch and I'll wake up like three hours later. Really? Yeah. It's the craziest thing. I had to ask a doctor about it because I got kind of concerned that I was like, did something bad? Is something wrong?

Have you missed things because of it? Like you were supposed to be somewhere and you were just like, I had anxiety. No. And then I fell asleep. No, that's the problem is because I'm so worried about that. I'll make it those. But the moment that I know I have a minute to like, all right,

I don't have to do that thing until later tonight. And if I sit on the couch after I'm kind of pacing and panicking and talking out loud how annoyed i am i will genuinely crash i'll actually fall asleep but it's and do you try to work against it meaning do you i somebody i spoke to somebody today i did a zoom for a thing, whatever. So I was like, you were really great today. And I was like, yeah, because I woke up. Yeah. I read. And then I went to an office and did a Zoom.

And it was like very relaxing. Yeah. In that like I just got to like do nothing. Yeah. You don't seem to not. You very rarely are not doing stuff yeah i feel and that's i'm learning that was one of the things i told you was like my fear of stagnancy like my dad's retired and his life scares the shit out of me well letterman was on here he said uh anyone who says retirement is great, it's horseshit.

When I was a kid, and perhaps when you were a kid, yeah, boy, I can hardly wait to be retired and spend all my time. Well, that's a myth. Well, yeah, meaning it's incredibly boring. Yeah, and not satisfying as a human pursuit. Yeah, if you're that kind of person, my dad and I are so different dude like my stepdad we're so different he's so comfortable waking up reading the paper watching TV taking a nap going out for a little walk

taking a nap that would that's like my actual nightmare. No tasks, no like creative, fun moments of the day. No like, I want to output something because there's just a bunch. It's like, I've just got to get it out. Yeah. And that scares me, dude. Stagnancy scares me so much. My mother is the exact same way. She won't retire because she's like, nah, her job sucks now.

She's over it, but she won't do it she's still when we move from the city to the suburbs she still takes the train every day downtown still to this day like refuses to quit even though they can work from home a little bit she still loves going downtown to the city when we left she never wanted to leave anyway but i'd like to believe she doesn't even have a job she just takes the train yeah like it's uh right she's just like i got like a fucking weird moseying around union station now i gotta get to work and then she just sort of roll walks around and she's in a drum circle i have no idea she's a bucket drummer downtown it's pretty good though she's really good really good um so it feels like cortisol yeah Yeah. And then do you do anything?

Well, all right. These are all kind of about anxiety. So we'll get to the specific block. Block number one, you came in talking about this. Block number one is people who have no concept of other people, space, and time. It bothers me to a degree. Give me an example. When you're walking airport public

sidewalk whatever and you stop when you just stop to like look at your phone or to space out it's crazy rude to me other people are continuing to walk and people have a somewhere to go and be but when people just think like a they're like this is their space that exists i've always as a kid was so cognizant of like you're in everybody's world get out of the way don't be in the way and my mother was always like would yoink me aside or push me out of the way so i think i have a fear of like being in other people's space and time so it gives me kind of anxiety that like i don't i never want to be a guy who like stops in the middle of a thing and like that guy looking for a i that guy i hate it so much i don't even know what to say like i hate it drives me nuts we're in an ecosystem yeah and which doesn't say i'm never

rude or never selfish or never like no do a three-lane turn or whatever like i'll never well we're talking about three-lane turns um that's a separate block that's not part of it but like i'll do shit that is rude but for the most part i try to be cognizant of sebastian you see that joke about it being on the plane and he like gets the bag and he's going yes i have a very funny thing that happened to me, and I'm the victim in this story, but I identify with the villain more than myself. So I'm on a flight. Where are you going? I think I'm coming home.

Okay. Drewski. And you still hate being called Andy, right? Ugh. Yeah, all right, great. Kills me. yeah all right great um and i'm on a flight and taylor williamson a male comedian not taylor thompson coming up next week i believe taylor williamson yeah comedian we all know yeah he i'm sitting in business class right and he's walking through say that again i'm i of course am a titan of industry so i'm sitting in business the oil

company i work for um so he's walking and he and he sees me and he's like hey buddy i haven't i he's like i saw i think it was three months he's like i saw three months so good and he's just standing there in the aisle and people are boarding and i'm getting like okay good man cool yeah he's like no i just thought it was so and he does like three verses of and i'm just like no i can see people behind him and i hate this so much and he's like uh finally probably took 40 seconds which felt like five forever yeah and he's like anyway it was really good to see you and he walks he walks past and then a girl behind him sort of with chubby 22 year old goes yeah neil it was great to see you and she bops me on the head with a plastic bag with like with garbage in it and i was like i had it coming

you deserve i absolutely deserved it. Taylor did it. But I totally agree with her. Because you want to bop. I want to bop the people in first class. I want to bop everybody. I want to bop the people. When you go by, when you walk by.

You should be able to bop one person. You should be able to bop one guy in first class. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One guy. You don't need to bop a girl. And whoever gets the most bops has to get downgraded. Get downgraded to the class beneath. I think it's the first of three bops. The first of three?

Yeah, I know, but you don't want to... You know what he'd say? Like, there's more people coming. We're not even done. I know, but I feel like if three people have bopped you and everyone else has one bop...

And can't fake sleep. You cannot fake asleep. You cannot fake a sleep. You have to sit there. No, and you can't have hat low, look low. You have to be looking straight ahead. No, I want to bop those people. No, I'm saying for bop purposes. I think it's Josh Duhamel whenever there's like a big, yeah,

it's like Chris Pine or Josh Duhamel. Dude, Josh Duhamel. Chris Angel sat next to me one time. I wanted to bop him so bad. Oh, you bopped the fuck out of him. And Lana Del Rey wanted to bop her. Did you? She was flying?

She was flying right next to me and wanted to bop. Boy, have I wanted to bop Lana Del Rey. I bet. For a long time. I bet. But I think three bops and you got to swap. But who gets to swap in back of the plane? They elect one person.

Who does? The people of Coach. It's a jury. who does the people of coach it's a jury yeah the people of coach okay they do like it's a democracy it's yeah it's like it's like but it's like the house of commons where they're like oh no and say like i deserve i'll tell you why yeah i nominate my wife yeah Yeah. Yeah. But here's the thing about the people with no concept. It's weirdly a Republican concept and a liberal concept in like be mindful of the people. It's like socialist to be like thoughtful and consider the people around you and weirdly disciplined and republican uh to be like mindful of the people around you it's like touching all the bases a little bit like it is very like liberally like think about others and it's also republican to be like stay in line get out of the way yeah yeah it touches like yeah and i but i so i don't even know who to blame it on other than just people

that you know who i think it is only children well do you know what i mean yeah are you an only child no i mean i have a i have a half sister it's not from the same parent but i do have a sister it's people that have never i think burr used to joke about like you need a roommate to be like what the fuck are you doing yeah that's what having a brother or sister does is like especially a brother if you're a guy like someone going like the fuck get the fuck out of the way the first time i took a shower i was thinking about it today um my parents were out of town i called you i was like can i use your shower no uh my parents were out of town and my brother kevin comedian was watching he was like in charge and i had only taken baths and then he's like go take a shower

and i was like i don't know how and he's like figure it out yeah and i think and look at me now now i bring in young comedians from all over to use my shower it's a lack of uh it might be a it might be a only child thing it may may also be parents who give their children permission to make mistakes in public. Right? Like it's the same kind of, you know, when. But we're talking about 40 year olds. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. But I'm saying like when a parent has a kid and they're running around a public location and there is a barrier. You know, it needs to be like a, you know, this new app, you can draw a barrier on your phone and it is a barrier you know it needs to be like a you know this new app you can draw a barrier on your phone and it's a dog collar that will automatically adjust to the

geometrics of it do you know about this i don't think it's wild there's a dog collar now without the electric fence underground you can just draw a line on a map on your phone and it will automatically geo drop that so the dog can't go out of those parameters that's like what happens when he does it zap little zap and it's a little something yeah like my watch yeah not wearing it yeah it buzzes at you kids need that like i'm okay with parents being like he needs some energy to get it out but there is a line where he's gone too far away from you now he's ruining someone else's thing and you just go sorry yeah that never happened with my parents are you nuts you'd get your arm dislocated being pulled back to my parents because you're interrupting someone else's meal or adult train ride oh yeah man adults were royalty

yeah they were kings and queens when we were kids yeah we had to wash their feet they were plumbers and electricians but we treated them like i mean no was like a they were gilded like you couldn't mr brennan no yeah you couldn't you had to call them like you couldn't curse around them you couldn't like you had to this is back in the uh 50s 16 1950s when we were young back when we were teaching each Back when we were young. Teaching each other how to shower. But it's the same thing. It's not understanding ecosystems and not understanding delayed gratification. Yeah.

Like you go over here and you do it. Right. You got to do something? Go over here and do it. You ever be doing shit on your phone and you just go in when you're driving you're like let me just pull over yeah why am i being a fucking asshole somebody yeah i'm gonna kill somebody yeah thank i almost killed somebody i got the bbp on my car like i would have absolutely would have killed not killed but really hurt hurt somebody really hurt they would have been

crippled like you and you get anxiety um okay so all right learning how to balance i think it says it says learning how to balance comma drinking and staying healthy so are you you're trying to balance drinking and staying healthy yeah i love drinking yeah you love drinking in a way that i don't and i i think it's directly tied to the anxiety yeah yeah I thought that was a scoop no if I drank less yeah if I drank less I'd have less anxiety but I don't drink I'm not like no no I think you drink because of the anxiety oh yeah for sure well yeah yes I also I genuinely really enjoy it like I really you like the way you feel love for how many drinks?

Cause you know, the sweet spots, like a drink and a quarter. That's like for me, two to three is money. Two to three is like, woo, we're good.

And I can go home, drink water and feel fine the next day. Do you know? Like I'm not drinking out all night drinking, which I do once in a great while, not it's fun in the night. And then it's the worst thing in the world for the next two days. But I just love socializing. Like in the way that you and I go get meals, I love that with drinks. Never, never done it. No, we did it once. Yeah, we did. Oh, but I think

in that regard, like I like going to have a meal and a drink with somebody yeah so very much um it's less a party thing and more like i just i love the social aspect of it it's such a cultural thing in my family it's like it look if you get a drink with somebody it does feel uh it's got a ritual to it. For sure. And so that versus getting older and continuing to stay in the gym, it's so hard because it's hard to care at all. Is the gym good for your anxiety? So good. I feel so good after.

Like going to the gym. I feel like people at home are going to go, I now do that thing where I blame my opinions feel like people at home are gonna go he's i now do that thing where i blame my opinions on the people at home um i think the people at home are gonna say drinking's fucking him up more than he knows but i mean maybe in that regard in if you're like you're it doesn't affect me i can go to sleep but then i don't do the thing i want to do the thing that i've like a different my sort of higher self wants to do. It doesn't affect my work,

which is the most important. Like I would never let it get in the way of going to a job or doing, you know what I mean? Like it gets in the way of my, the thing I want to stay healthy about because I know it, your body gets shittier as you get older from an internal. Well, yeah,

you've been, you've been really aging well yeah so it's a hard balance i think most americans who do drink deal with it especially around my age you know when you're if you're late 40s or late 30s early 40s i feel like most people are like i don't like drinking that much it does too much damage but i also like to have a couple drinks but i should be more consistent with actually i think statistically people are younger people are drinking less um that's probably good uh poison but i love it it is poison just technically i think it literally no it really is poison and you do realize like it's not good for you

yeah so bad i know it but it is good socially like you said like it does bond people in a weird the last time i got drunk was in 2005 and it wasn't even that drunk first of all i i finally understood what out what getting drunk i've gotten drunk once in 19 as an adult 93 i think i got drunk threw up um maybe 92 yeah nah yeah 92 i think it was jay moore the comedian got me drunk and uh this is literally 30 years ago and uh and then in 2005 i got drunk and what i realized drinking was is you all sit in a rowboat, you and your five friends, and you just slowly shoot holes in the side and you all sink together. Yeah. And it's bonding.

But the camaraderie, it's just so worth it. Yeah. Because you're all going to die. Yeah. It's nice. I mean, it is a metaphor. Yeah. But the problem was I was drunk, a little drunk the entire next day like i couldn't

believe that i was still at like 4 15 the next day i was like i still feel like i just had vodka that's not fun that's the not fun part but the fun part is ending up in a random bar dancing with people that you don't know laughing that you would never do your wife at home crying well ball yeah just yeah but i'm his old lady we just did that in boston her and me and a bunch of friends and my opener and my cousin and my sister and we went out and just we just went and had a great time and ended up bouncing around having drinks here and this bartender was so fun and we chatted up with him. And it stinks because it's so much fun.

Yeah. Losing your inhibition. Your embarrassment goes away. And you're okay with, like, laughing it up with some weirdo you would never goof around with and joke with. And I don't know. There's something so beautiful about uh feeling so stupid but not caring it's kind of great yeah i know what you mean you actually make drinking seem fun well because i don't but i don't have the um i'm lucky that i don't have the

you know jekyll and hyde the red hair helps it does because i always look like a party it just helps well you have to be fat this This looks fun. You have to be fat. What's he drinking? I'll have whatever he's having. You have to be fat like Kreischer or you have to look like a clown. You have to fit. You drunk. I'm scared.

Yeah. What's that skinny guy wobbling around the bar by himself? Yeah. Somebody give him my anxiety cane. Okay. And you got a plan for that? For the drinking and the healthy? No.

Great. I'll tell you why i bet you will what are you gonna do that's your feeling what are you gonna do yeah i do actually feel i i've reached an age where i've let go of a lot of bullshit i think that's some bullshit stop judging the judgment over like i shouldn't do this i should do this right right whatever and so i'm what are you gonna do about it don't be excessive and let it get in the way Stop judging. The judgment over like, I shouldn't do this. I should do this. Right, right, right. Whatever. And so what are you going to do about it? Don't be excessive and let it get in the way of your life. But yeah, I'm going to have a few and have some fun. Well, you seem to, for a person who drinks and whiskey,

like whatever, it's like part of your thing. I've never thought like, hey, can we talk about Santino? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm trying. It's never bothering me. And also, who would I ask? Bobby would just run away.

Yeah. No, I can't talk about this. And then he'd just run away. Okay. Kind of mentioned this earlier. Another block. Overworking until I literally physically crash and get very sick. Yeah.

The overworking thing. Yeah. We touched on it fast, but I'm obsessed with overworking because I'm scared of not having it. Okay, I hadn't thought about this because we talked about money the other day. Yeah. And you like, but I mean, and Sebastian made reference to this as well. Like, what if it runs out?

I don't think you're worried about the money running out. What is it? I think you like being a made guy and you like being in the game. You like being on the scoreboard. You like being on the leaderboard. You like playing. You like being interviewed after your round. You don't have to tee off at fucking 6.45 a.m.

You're like, if this were golf you'd be playing in the afternoon as a comedian sure and it's better than playing it in the morning yeah that's it is so it's this thing of like i'm afraid it's all gonna go away you're not worried about the money going away because the money can go away your lifestyle isn't that i mean look he's got an apc sweatshirt on this is loaned to me i do have to give this back in an hour to apc oh okay for the pot for this podcast yeah they loan me a sweater they won't let i banged on their door all day they wouldn't let me in i don't know if it's the i don't mean the money running out i just mean uh you know i think it's more that like

i didn't have anything when i started a cliche but it's like i just i just i'm like well you're a little bit lucky to have it do this be this way so i'm like why stop i don't know like what am i well no but it's not i you have status and you work you've always worked though i've been very very fortunate that I have worked for a while. And that's okay to like the status of where you are. I just like to work. I get it. You want to be active. You want to feel like a member of the world.

You want to feel like I belong and I'm thriving and or winning or placing. Or I'm like, I'm in the conversation instead of just whatever the hell your stepdad's doing. I feel like a part of it is um imposter syndrome parts of it are imposter syndrome where you're like is this deserved what are you doing that you don't think you should be able to do no it's not that it's just sometimes or that you're like am i a good actor like if you're on or do you watch dave and go no i don't watch yeah of course i've never seen one episode yeah no i believe it um i just can't do that i've the only thing i've ever watched genuinely that i've been on was curb to call back to because i was so nervous about doing it was the

only job i was actually nervous about and i killed with him when we auditioned together so i should have felt comfortable on the day. Still no. Yeah. Still did good on the show, but I was so, I wanted to make him happy so bad. Yeah. That I didn't even, I didn't say hi to him when he came in. I just stayed in my little corner until they called me forward.

And I did the scene as best as I could. And then in between, I didn't say a fucking word. Yeah. I looked at the ground until it was ready to go. And I bet he fine with that yeah it was great i just didn't want to upset him i was so like i don't want him to do this thing where this thing uh say uh where do you uh where do you usually go to uh where do you usually go to uh eat uh hey dan we gotta we've let's uh let's get back into the uh oh you don't Larry. You don't want to ask. You don't want a small talk, Larry.

No, it was so nerve wracking. Yeah. So, but no, it's a little bit of like not imposter. It's just a piece of imposter syndrome, meaning like I'm anxious about other people being like, do you deserve that thing? Even though that's what a stupid, who cares? I don't think anybody will watch you and think you don't deserve it well that thank you i just it's also like uh i don't know i don't

it stinks i don't know what it is but you didn't like self-doubt like people can say that about me because like i work with dave so it's like yeah but no right no i mean they've slowly stopped they're still they're still out there but i'm saying that you've i've gotten opportunities like or that seem like line jumping that you just have like you i did you didn't you work weren't you working on the queen mary or the queen elizabeth queen mary in long beach yeah like how long ago i mean fuck i was a long time now 15 years i was doing intermissions doing that's not that long ago no i know i know i know but it was that was it was a long time. No, 15 years I was doing intermissions, doing stand-up. That's not that long ago. No, I know.

I know. I know. But that was tough. That was tough. Yeah, so you had a shitty career. You did all the- Yeah, I did the bullshit. Yeah.

A lot of it. So there's not any- I don't think the thing is going to go away, though. You could say I could be selling off 5,000 seaters. I'd still be a little like, I don't know. Yes, of course. We're worried about like, you ever look at, somebody hit me with the sweetest fucking text,

a very funny, mean text at me today. They go, she'd just gone to a funeral. And she's like, hey, you know, they record people's funerals and put them on YouTube now. So if there's an afterlife, you're just going to be checking your views on YouTube now. So if there's an afterlife, you're just going to be checking your views on your funeral. I was like, this bitch hit me fair and square. That is true.

Yeah. Yeah. You ever look at the crowd, like the ticket thing, and then you see, first of all, you're like, there's so many fucking tickets available, I stink. But then you look at each person, you're like, that's a person who likes me. Yep. That's a person who likes me.

And it's unfathomable. That blows my mind. It's unfathomable. There's rows and rows and rows and rows of rows of people in Minnesota that want to see me. That want to see you. Yeah. It's like when I go home, it's scary. Like Chicago Theater playing that for the first time last year. I couldn't believe, I was like, this you yeah that's like when i go home it's scary like chicago theater playing that

for the first time last year i couldn't believe i was like this is that i was looking at this did you do it you did it right yeah 3 600 seats or something great it was it feels weird it's you're like no way i guess i'm just like happy but also the the the some of the success gives me crazy anxiety i just i'm like oh this feels so what would it mean if you lost it peace no but what would it what would it are you worried about what it would say about you no no i just think don't you think people's mind is made up about you perhaps because that's what it's kind of sad. I was like, here's another thing I realized with this new Netflix.

People aren't going to watch every one of your specials. No. It's funny because there were people that I was expecting to hear from. They didn't watch it. And I'm like, you didn't watch it? No, they're not going to watch another one. They saw the other one. Yeah, they saw it. Yeah, that's what they did. All right, I see what you do. they saw the other one yeah they saw yeah that's that's what they got all right i see what you do i saw the other one

yeah i'm not really good you want to do you want to watch another hour but that's the thing is they also just assume they're like i that was great the three months yeah and you go oh thanks and then they're like what about the new one you're like it's great i mean i haven't seen it but i know it's great that's the thing is people assume. So there's this thing. They locked it in already. Yeah, like I am that. Right. So you are what you are.

I guess, yeah. I guess, I guess. I just always, yeah. I guess it's just if it goes away, it feels like I let myself down. I don't care. It's not I let the fans or something. It's not like you have to go home with your tail between your legs. No, it's just I feel like I let me down because it's like, well, it's on your shoulders, dude.

You built this. What are you going for? I just want to do it until I die. I want to be able to. I said this. Well, hopefully you'll die soon. I just want to keep working and enjoying it and making money and having fun and growing. If I could have that man

that's to me that's heaven on earth that's why i don't want to stop working because i'm afraid when you do that it like gets pulled out and then you start to but i don't think you could think of any examples of that no somebody who's irrational right for sure but i but you know that's anxiety is super irrational it's all fueled from you know these like and when did that start probably when i got the first thing i ever went but when did you were you an anxious kid oh you were just a dickhead no i was an anxious kid i meant i was a dick i mean i was just a troublemaker i just wanted to get in trouble fireworks fire even better love setting stuff on fire even better i like that even better that's even more

dangerous uh ain't my anxiety probably started uh in my teens yeah my teens for sure when i was a teenager i couldn't understand why i felt the way i felt the pressure from like basketball and like i hate i hated it because i was good on the team yeah but i was good i was so it drove me nuts like the anxiety before a game would make me sick because I just couldn't stand it. But when I played, it didn't matter. It's the same with comedy. It's like, you're on stage, you don't think about it.

My favorite thing is when your body, before you're about to go on stage, your body's like, you got to take a leak right now. Yeah, right now. You have to piss. You got to take a leak. And I'm like, really? I can't.

I got to go on. You go on and then you get off stage. You don't have to take a leak. Right now. And I'm like, really? I can't. I got to go on. You go on, and then you get off stage, and you don't have to take a leak. Nope. So you were trying to trick me into going to the bathroom. You fucking Judas-ass body. Judas body. It's funny. You could tell a white guy who was good at basketball in high school.

There's something about our... I knew you were. Yeah, something. Was I? just i knew you were yeah something um was i no no but you know what you were good at um outwitting everybody in your friendship group faster than everybody upstairs faster than everybody you know it was because i was a my brother was a comedian in high like so in my high school friend group we all started saying i wrote that i wrote that like that's mine yeah like i wrote that's my bit i wrote that like we're like 13 i fucking wrote that you did not write that i fucking wrote that like a bunch of comics um okay so i mean i struggle a lot with living so far from my family and not seeing people as much i'd like to that kills me who do you who do you want to see my

mother yep the most i miss my mom the most she's working go downtown fucking working so much i miss her like crazy were you you were close with her she was single mother for a while my dad went to prison when i was one they got a divorce you can always tell when a guy's dad went to prison that's why he's good at basketball uh he just yeah and my mother was uh can you tie the anxiety to that or is it too obvious no actually that's not it i don't think that's it okay the anxiety comes from uh wanting to fit in bad as a kid looking the way i do whether or not it's you're good looking but outside of the joke acknowledgement it's a red hair it's a thing i always look different by the way the thing that joke about like he's a gender is i didn't hear it till i was like 30

and i was already like that's a fucking dumb joke but as kids man it's a thing and it's not like i got picked on like it was just i knew i looked if i always knew i looked different you just felt different you list it's just weird you were like you know it's it's not a plight where it's like oh poor kid yeah but it's like do you think about it you do when you're a kid because you hear it it's a it's a thing people say especially girls young girls you know like yeah it's we it's interesting what it does. There is an age where you reach and you couldn't care less. Yeah.

But when you're a child, yeah, it's such a weird thing to feel because you know you are that guy and people look at you different. Yeah. Well, by the way, if there's anything more terrifying than childhood, let me know. Yeah. I'm open. Yeah. Phone lines are open. It's so fucking scary.

It's the scary. It's that never ending quest for not just belonging, but like you're it's alien. But you're like, look, you're what am I? It doesn't make any sense. Why am I this? It's you you're smaller than everyone yeah the world seems to have seems to be lawless yep yeah and when you finally figure something out they're like no that's wrong that's wrong and half the time

they're lying and you have no money right and if you're power no i mean no power literally that's why adults should not have birthday parties birthday parties are for people who can't drive don't can't get access to sugar right no one gets them anything they have no money like you yeah fucking knock it out for the kid but in adults like, like what do I need to bring? I can do all this. I can get cake. Right. Whenever I want. All the time.

You can't get, it's like prison. It is. And so beyond the anxiety of childhood, growing up with my mom helped because she was like a single mother badass who like worked herself up from nothing. Now, is it true that all single mothers work in diners is that true they have to for like 18 months yeah my mom never had my mom never did she worked administrative stuff she was like a paper pusher and so she

would you like get latchkey kid yeah but she also worked coincidentally for the company that who made latch keys who made latch keys well they made the latch not the key okay that's a whole different company that was your dad's company yeah yeah that's why he went to prison yeah but she worked for the company of the buildings that we um grew up in she worked for the property management company oh all right she worked in the administrative so that's also how we got the apartment right we had like a section eight you know we could she filed because she was a single mother so we were able to live in these She worked in the administrative. So that's also how we got the apartment. We had like a Section 8. She filed because she was a single mother.

So we were able to live in these kind of nice apartments. She's my hero. So I loved her so much. But I learned so much from her that in the long run, even when her family was at their poorest, they were still fine. They were all alive. You're going to make it. Because they grew up with no, no money. My mom was one of 10 kids. They had no money. Can you imagine?

Repulsive. And they get no attention. In like a three bedroom house. It's insane. Well, I'm, I'm one of 10. Um, that was the joke I was making. Let me explain this joke. Can we stop the tape real quick? Back it up. Hey, do you like me? Do you like the podcast? Did you like Blocks on Netflix and Three Mics on Netflix? Come see me on my new tour. Brand new Neil coming to Madison, Nashville,

Salt Lake City, San Diego, Washington, D.C., Baltimore, Atlanta, New Orleans. Thought it was going to be New York. New York's coming. Austin, Houston, Atlanta, New Orleans. Thought it was going to be New York. New York's coming. Austin, Houston, Dallas, New York.

Told you it was coming. Philly, Boston, Los Angeles. Figured it would be Angeles. Los Angeles, Denver, Phoenix, San Francisco, Seattle, Portland, Chicago, Minneapolis, Vancouver, Toronto. If you have a good airport, I'm coming to your city. So come fuck with me. It's a good hour. And it's called Brand New Neil.

Go to neilbrennan.com for tickets. Please cure my clinical depression. Actually, it's not bad right now. Thanks to you. McCrispy fans, there's a new jaw-dropping McCrispy at McDonald's. It's called the Firecracker McCrispy. It has the crispy, juicy, tender chicken you love, topped with crispy jalapenos and a super tasty sweet and spicy sauce.

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Just need a nice place to settle in? Enjoy a room upgrade. Wherever you go, we'll go together. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamx. Benefits vary by card. Terms apply. So going back to the thing, I miss my mother.

I wish I could be around her more and my dad. But it's just I connect with my mom because we see things almost the exact – we both have the exact same sense of humor. When you say your dad, do you mean your birth dad? My stepdad, yeah. And where do you place the biological biological in the the santino cinema uh cinematic universe he's just a dude in my life sometimes that i see do you worry about the thing that made him a criminal what that does to what that that it's in you i mean i guess you would have been

a criminal but it was cocaine for him uh selling or doing until all the above loved cocaine like love was so good at it yeah like so good at it that he it just he went pro he went pro yeah he they knocked him down to triple a for a while then he went right back he got bopped yeah he got he was so good at drugs and he's been clean for a long time he went right back he got bopped yeah he got bopped he was so good at drugs and he's been clean for a long time he got his life together but we're just two men now now i go see him and i'm it's just like two men do you wish it were different do you wish it was like no because i know you like the stepdad it seems like yeah he's a great he's my dad i mean yeah dude and what and do you just see like sounds like your dad's more like a older brother or

something or uncle or something. That's a fact. That's kind of how it feels where you're like. Just like, what's he doing? We're cool. No, we're cool. And I want him to live a happy rest of his life. And there's love there for sure.

That's like, you know, I'm glad that your life is good. But we just, we just, we never, the formidable years, we never were together. So it's kind of like, you know. I don't, yeah, when people, because I've got a big family and there's, I have brothers and sisters that are way older than me. I'm like, aren't you close? And it's like, my brother, I have a brother that's 16 years old. We barely live together.

How could you? Yeah. Yeah. So, but people don't like, people like family to be just like this cohesive blob. And it's like, it's not almost ever that. Yeah, but people like family to be just like this cohesive blob, and it's like it's not almost ever that. No, it's so hard. All right, this is interesting to me.

A block which is learning how the word friendship changes as you get older. I think you mean just how friendship changes, not the word friendship. No, because I— Is it the word as well? Well, okay. Yeah. It's two in one. I also texted you this in haste. Yeah.

No, but the word friendship does mean something different to me as I've gotten older. I thought when I was a kid, a friend was like stone, man. Like to be like, that's my- I'm in the same boat. Keep talking. It was like, that's my friend. That guy is my friend. Like that to me was like lifetime shit.

Like, but then you learn as you get older that people will call you a friend when they're not. And you know, people will say like, I'm friends with Brendan. Yeah. You don't know that person. People say that all the time. The word itself is what I meant by that was it gets thrown around and it loses all meaning well out here it means dick yeah but i think hollywood yes but also like i learned it from my dad like my dad sometimes will say you remember my friend blah blah blah who so-and-so and I'm like you've talked you haven't talked that guy

in 32 years that's not your friend that's a guy you I have uh buddy and friend I literally the guy's buddy of mine see I like he's my friend yeah that would be more that okay that's that's more appropriate for an adult to be like oh yeah that guy's a buddy yeah but I guess the word changed so much shape as I became an adult yes and also our business the business that we're in specifically friend is such a it's just changed pesos pesos pesos it's useless it's like almost useless it is it's it's out here it's just it's the value it's like love when people go i love it's like you know nothing you've ruined it brilliant hollywood has ruined the word journey oh journey journey he's a bunch of fucking vasco de gamos out here so many people

it's bullshit so it just has ruined the what i thought as a kid friendship that's a core thing and so now i see when someone's like who really is your friend it's a very it's like i find it staggering it is well but it's but it's a wake-up call a little bit to to the way that to what though that's what i've that so we had our very famous falling out and part of that was like yo i didn't feel like you were my definition of a friend yeah and so it's not i'm not saying this like so you're as guilty as anything what i'm saying is and i overreact meaning like it's not my definition of a friend yes so then i'm like completely affronted right like this is a total affront and this is a, I'm in free fall because I cannot, not free fall, but like I can't believe, I don't want to learn the lesson.

Do you know what I mean? Sure. I don't, okay. So I now think friendships are shallow. Now what? Right. Is my life better because I'm very aware that it's how fucking shallow things are no i want us all to live in bunk beds do you know what i mean yeah i want you to use my shower i

do want to use your show but i like i want to live like when i've worked with people it's like i want me and dave to live in a bunk bed me and mike sure to live in a bunk bed and me and fucking derek delgadi who did my show to live in a bunk bed and then when we don't i'm not again we're all adults so it's like but when we don't or when it's like i i i still find it a little like wait a minute i thought we were all yeah gonna go back to the dorm yeah that we all live in i'm gonna go eat yeah like what are we gonna go play video games but that's i think it's a wake-up call to the truth of uh that we're all alone that you're that you have to just value them the the connections that you do make and be malleable with them because

they will inevitably change there's people that i'm very i was very very close with that i no longer speak to not for any detriment to our it was just that's the way that life kind of did it and i learned that you i'm sure learn it no i haven't had it well we don't have kids and it's like my good friends with kids, the life dynamically changes. It's out of their control. Yeah, it should. That I believe. But you don't know how to, you know, it just happens the way it happens. I consider every child a friend has a betrayal. I do too.

So thank you for sticking with me. I can't believe the things that have transpired in friendships where i'm like did that really happen yeah did that really i cannot believe that that happened and i don't the thing about i like uh the thing about being alone i i spent the day reading i spent yesterday reading and i was like i really like this yeah it's nice i really like it and uh and i'm like am i was i supposed to be i mean i have spent large portions of my life alone reading but so when i do go outside for a friendship i'm like all right well but hopefully this will last forever being alone or being in friendship no you both but i mean you do like being alone but you i really like Being alone or being in a friendship? No, you both. But I mean, you do like being alone. But you do like...

I really like being alone. But you do like friendship. I love friendship. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, like I... This is a dumb thing to say, but some of the best moments of my life are with my friends.

Of course. Yeah. Like I would argue probably all of them or most of them. I would say all of them. Yeah. Yeah, because... But that's why I think it's so weird or hurtful

when you realize the truth of a relationship. Like I said this before, but there was a guy that I thought I was friends with. And I said something to the effect of, that's one way to treat your friend. And he was like, we're not friends. And I was like, that's the fucking meanest thing. That's like the meanest shit anybody's ever said. When was this? A couple years ago.

It was shocking. And it was in jest a little bit, but I know he meant it. No, that's not in jest. No, no, no. There's literally not a tone. You know what I mean, though? He was being like, well, come on, we're not friends. We're not friends, right?

I mean, we're chat buddies or whatever right and i was like oh fuck yeah i mean that was it that one hurt that one was weird not because it's like oh you're not my friend it's more like oh i guess well it's like then what do we do like yeah what am i calling texting you for and like yeah thinking about you yeah why am i thinking about you yeah why am i considering you but i don't in my life that's okay that's okay i was okay with it i just i was a little off i was put off by it where i was like oh man i'm fucking i guess my conception my perception of this was odd particularly because we had communicated often enough where he'd be like yeah that's a yeah that's a friend we've we've done things together you know but does that

person have friends no well no not really no i just assume like i cracked the code you know what i mean like right we're cool we're very cool we enjoy where if you text me without me texting you, I assume you're interested in some form of relationship. Yeah. I would assume. But especially if it's not business driven. If it was just business driven, totally different. I understand that. This was not.

So that's unusual. It was unusual. That's unusual, that kind of stuff. And so I guess you just learn what that term means and what friendship is as you get older and that's it's hard for me to grasp the reason it's a block is because i'm it still is hard for me that i'm like oh man i i thought this was more important like i thought friendship was more important yeah like i just like it's not we keep using the shower thing but i'm saying like yeah there's you're just on the like you're just in the yeah you're on the fucking but it's more than the rotation it's like

i have a tablet like a rock like a moses tablet it's gone and there's just like there's certain people's like yeah you're on it yeah yeah why i don't even know sometimes but it just is you just are on the you're just on this tablet and and then when i find out i'm not on your tablet or you don't even have a tablet i'm like why did i like what do you what's your orientation of life to the i'm talking to the person like so what do you i i was talking to a guy one time a comedian friend of mine and he was like a really good friend i'm good and i go i go are we all i was talking about comedy i was like are we all friends or is this entirely transactional he goes i think it's entirely transactional i was like that's heavy that's i don't know i know and i said it yesterday i was arguing not even arguing with somebody we were just talking about the definition of friendship.

Like, how are we defining this? And I said, look, I'm like a friend drama queen. Like, are we friends or not? Like, because I think about you and then I go well maybe we're not friends and maybe like so-and-so said it's all transactional it's like it's not transactional i love you i just i just am bad with you know x and trying to that's okay and he's like and i imagine you have so many friends i was like i don't have so many friends no no you hear the tone of the no i mean the volume and the tone of that no that is true was uh was eviscerating but you know why it's because you don't know you're taking

it the wrong way it's because you don't you don't have friends that you're not going to dedicate a real relationship to that's a thing that you do too when you're growing up is you're like well i don't want to mislead somebody into thinking that we're real good buddies yeah truly we don't have that connection that's just value i think that's more valuable than than having all the phrase guys friends with everybody that's bullshit yeah just core the thing that matters then the people that you are friends with it it means something. You know, like this, I'm not taking a shot, but it bothered me so much when Sebastian did Seinfeld's Cars and Coffee. I don't know.

Maybe it was the second time he did it. I know he did more than once. But he said something to the effect of, who's your best friend? Sebastian said that to Seinfeld. Now, I know this is a Seinfeldian answer. It's not lost on me. That he was like, best friend? Who has best friends at all?

Yeah, yeah. I get it. I know the Seinfeldian of it all. But then he continued to kind of go into beyond the bit of like, it's a ridiculous question. We're old men. I have my wife.

Well, no wife will let you have a ridiculous question. We're old men. I have my wife. And, you know. Well, no wife will let you have a best friend. But what bothered me about it was after the comedy is over, a piece of me could tell that it was like Seinfeld was truly saying, like, I don't have fucking time for friends. The fucked up thing is he talks to a guy named barry martyr every day on the phone for two hours his best friend yeah yeah it's funny he has for you for decades and perhaps that was a thing it was a bit i know it was yeah but also there was a like a i don't know like a darkness to it about seinfeld that was like having friends is a little stupid.

No, I know what you mean. I think he's doing a bit because he literally talks to a guy on the phone every day. He must. For hours like a 10-year-old boy does. But that shows my, you know. It's a funny thing because I've never heard another man bring this up. The importance of it and the value of it. And like,

no, I need people that I can count on. Not even like my emergency contact. It's like, it's whatever the category is. Like, I don't need you to come to my rescue when it's like, well,

that's who your real friends are when the stuff gets hard. Yeah. No, I just mean like people that I know emotionally it's like, well, that's who your real friends are when the stuff gets hard. Yeah. No, I just mean like people that I know emotionally I could see in a lot. Paul Bearers. Paul, yeah. Who's going to carry me when I'm dead? Yeah, literally my Paul Bearers. Like, who are they?

Who's going to? That's right, yeah. That's what I'm looking for. And like, are you in? Yeah, are you in, dude? Yeah, like, are you going to fucking carry my dead body or not? And I'm happy for it to last that long. Yeah, are you in, dude? Yeah, like, are you gonna fucking carry my dead body or not? And I'm happy for it to last that long. Yeah, totally.

Like, that's how long I would like it to last. But just tell me if you don't have strong arms. Look, tell me. We can get, like, wheels on your side. Which they do now. They wheel you. They fake it. I had to just carry my grandmother.

I'll be checking the views. Detective views. I had a couple of things that I was going for. Yeah. Some blocks that you missed. Okay. This is a new segment where I tell them what their block should have been. I like it.

We were looking for lack of appreciation for life and achievements. That's a block that I'm putting this block on you okay i'm i don't know auto block i don't know what this is but i'm i'm yeah i'm cock blocking now are you saying that are you saying i'm you don't i will talk to you sometimes there are a few people comedy friends where i'm like shut i'm negative but sometimes you'll you'll be complaining about you i'm like what are you complaining about and i'm not it's not even um entitlement it's like how are you seeing something negative in this i'm good at it like it's sort it's wild because i just can't sometimes i don't believe it to be true i've

always been like yeah but i'll get the blah blah blah blah that's how i always feel i i've always i don't know why but i've always felt like like it's like it's like when i did conan i was like is it yeah you got conan and i was like yeah but they'll put me with some like you'll be a bad first guest that's how i feel immediately that i'm like he's not gonna fucking like my shit anyways when did that start that's tough that one i don't i genuinely don't know like i don't because is it protective for sure of course that that's for sure that's me just trying to not not because not you don't want to get hurt you know you don't want to feel let down yeah let down being let down probably probably from my dad like not showing up going to prison yeah but i just i think it's a let down i don't want to be let down i just don't want to be let

down so it's like don't i never was a super optimistic guy i never had the whole like it's gonna work i was always the guy that was like come on guys we can do it yeah that group of like like kids in like a movie like a you know like a pre-teen movie when they're like all we have to do yeah we got to clean up the senior center and yeah we'll be fine and i was kidding about he's like we're never gonna get through it why bother why but we let's let's just get out of here play with fire we just burned the senior center down they'll never know we were here yeah because their things go very well for you like even so your new special hamburger fantastic special cheeseburger cheeseburger cheeseburger see that's why she's that's why i feel the way i feel

you should know have you they haven't done there's another one on my called hamburger that's very funny yeah uh you should have said cheeseburger repeatedly like hamburger used to cheeseburger um nobody's gone cheeseburger but you were some when it aired in austin and i was like hey you enjoyed the this is a week ago i'm like enjoy it and you were like yeah i just i did another podcast and i just don't want to check the message right i don't want to check my mentions because i'm gonna get blasted for doing because he's in trouble it's like we i literally technically like we do maybe five of these in our life fucking enjoy it it's so hard for me i don't know why i'm trying i'm really trying my best i'm trying it's super hard i don't know why man i don't know why i'm ashamed of success a little bit which we've talked about i just it's a dirty weird thing i don't know why that i'm like when things are going well people like you didn't fucking celebrate and i'm like i don't want

anybody i know what you i don't i don't i'm not saying fucking spray spray champagne in people's faces. Yeah, no. But I'm saying like... Me enjoy it. Yeah. I try. I don't know. I've never been good at that. I have that disgusting Bill Belichick disease where it's like, we already won, let's go.

Well, yeah, we got to... Yeah, we got to win again next year. Yeah. Vince Lombardi, his kids. I saw an interview from his daughter maybe great dad i'm assuming yeah and she would say how fucked it was that like after home games they would host people at their home in outside of green bay or whatever and she was like he was such a even-keeled somewhat not pessimistic but realist, like such a staunch realist that you couldn't tell if they won or they lost the game that day.

And she was like, that was quite upsetting. Yeah. When you're like, how do you. What's the point? Yeah. Well, yeah, that's part of it. That's like, why are you doing it then? Yeah. the point yeah exactly well yeah that's part of it that's like why are you doing it then yeah but i think it's partially a mentality of like you did good don't don't spend too much time being

like it's midwestern it's catholic yes it's valuable in doses yeah but not when a high high dose is so deadly because then it makes it like you can't enjoy a thing and then you'll be a little you know yeah you're like a seller you're a hot oh look at hollywood yeah enjoying a thing he spent fucking 15 years yeah figuring out and and embarrassing himself and he finally got the jump over the grand canyon right and he did this we were like fuck you fuck this guy but it is weird that i feel like when i see other people celebrate i'm happy for that like my friends yeah i get so excited when i see someone celebrate but i am always like i can't do that shit are you kidding me that's insane well letterman there's a story about letterman that i forgot to ask him it was in

one of those books late shift where one of his managers, they were at his manager's house in Malibu. It was like a $4 million house in 1985. And Dave was right. It's $38 million now. Of course. Minimum. That's opening. Bidding starts at $38.

It's starting. And Letterman apparently goes, man, I wish I could live in a place like this. It's like, I get 10% of what you get, and I got a house like this. And they go like, you couldn't. He's like, no, I couldn't. And he kind of, it's that you see, Letterman is in some way like. I've always loved him. He's excellent.

But that's why. But you see when he did this podcast, it's like, it's a bit of a Ghost of Christmas Future where it's like I should enjoy this a little bit. Yeah. Because if I don't, it's not realistic. It's probably super unhealthy mentally for you to just trudge through a thing and then get to the next thing and get to the next thing. But I will say i privately enjoy stuff okay quietly great like i don't think people get to see me do the thing but i do you spray champagne in your dog and your wife's face yeah well like i told you like uh my buddy lent me a

fun car for the week now i will never let people it's the oscar meyer wienermobile yeah it's a fun it's funny it's funny funny people are happy they're stoked to see me vegans chase you down the street but no one will ever see me i'll never take that car you know what i mean yeah i'll hide it from everybody you put it on instagram um did i saw it yeah oh no jesse juicy did yeah yeah i didn't i didn't see that's what you posted it to your story though she she tagged me in it and she said oh is that from that cheeseburger money uh it's like a yeah i'm embarrassed by it even though i'm having fun it's not no i would but then you see like sagura yeah and burt and those guys and kevin hart and like guys having a

blast with it you're like boy that's fucking i wish i should do that yeah a piece of me should i don't know i just it's still that like back of the room comics being like it does feel uh rude i think you do it the right way i would just say like i would like to see your orientation toward yeah but i would like to see that go away you yeah i'll try yeah i'll try i mean i yeah i'll get better what are you doing to get better at talking to a human are you going to therapy yeah i'm a fucking guy look at this fucking guy but are you doing betterhelp.com slash Neil? Slash Neil. Betterhelp.com slash Neil. Slash Neil. No, yeah.

Get 10% off your first one. Also, starting to try to take actual vacations, and I'm the coolest version of me when I'm on vacation. Don't care at all about this place. Black hair. Black hair. You have black hair. Black hair gold.

Somehow, when you land. Braids. I always get braids. Got to. i just feel like i'm the best version of me i don't care about the thing i check out i'm trying to make sure i take vacations that we get to take them together and that we just don't we don't pay any mind to anything. And it's my favorite. I actually do check out. It's great. We'll just go fuck off for like a week in Europe or something. It's the only thing I would spend money on. Yeah, it's the only thing that makes money worth earning is you can be like,

I can go disappear and just goof off somewhere else and not think about this nonsense. Love it. Like, I love it. This is a question i keep meaning to ask everybody and i haven't asked anyone i'll ask you now i like to set it up a lot so that people resent it by the time i even say yeah if there's if there was a movie of your life and uh don't be mad why how could you be mad already you're like well it's not gonna get

a good weekend see it yeah it's not going to get a good weekend. Oh, who's going to go see it? Yeah, it's not going to get a good opening weekend. It's probably like on 1,100 theaters or whatever. And they'll say it's like for award consideration. It's indie. And it's not. Who plays you and what is the character arc?

Who would I like? Who would be flattering to play me? Whatever, however you want to play it yeah i know um tom hardy okay did a movie with him i could be i could get in touch with so incredible capone look for it what an actor pretty good scene neil did the improv yeah i did you weren't intimidated by tom hardy i wasn't anyhow you were saying jesus tom hardy no let's give myself credit yeah tom hardy is me and uh the character arc is uh it's it's it's it's the it's sisyphus the movie is sisyphus. The movie is Sisyphus. It's rolling up this boulder up a hill, and it never gets to the top. It just keeps smashing them the whole time. And then you, is there, do you...

And at the very end... Is it upbeat ending? Is it like... No. No, at the very end, he finally gets up to the top, and the boulder falls down on the other side and it kills everybody and so he realizes it wasn't worth it at all including bobby yep your mom the friend who said you're not friends your wife

you're alive though yeah but alone you wanted it deep baby I gave it to you deep they call it blocks for a reason folks Andrew Santino yes thank you for coming you're a good boy

you know that I'll be there I'll carry you everybody wants to have they want to have a grand moment all you have to do

is open open up your hand moment I'm not a single freak