Blocks w/ Neal Brennan - Bobby Lee

Episode Date: January 26, 2023

Neal Brennan interviews Bobby Lee about the things that make him feel lonely, isolated, and like something's wrong - and how he is persevering despite these blocks. Bobby's Blocks: 00:00 Intro 01:32 Social Drowner 02:12 Sore Winner 07:15 Drugs 16:54 God 24:35 Alone 33:56 Not Good at Confrontation 47:22 Addicted to Tragedy Porn 52:45 Riddled with Fear 55:13 Thinks People Don't Like Him 1:04:30 Revenge Fantasies Watch Neal Brennan: Blocks on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/81036234 Theme song by Electric Guest (unreleased) Subscribe on YouTube: https://bit.ly/2Lf6yvE Neal Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nealbrennan Twitter: https://twitter.com/nealbrennan Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Travel better with Air Canada. You can enjoy free beer, wine, and premium snacks in economy class. Now extended to flights within Canada and the U.S. Cheers to taking off this summer. More details at aircanada.com. Hey, everybody. I'm Neil Brennan. I have a Netflix special called Blocks in which I go over my personal blocks,

things that make me feel like something's wrong with me, something that makes me feel alone, isolated in the world. And then somebody had the idea, Jimmy Carr had the idea to have other people on a podcast where they tell me what their blocks are. They tell me what makes them feel crazy, isolated, alone in the world world we get vulnerable and people thank us for it bobby lee is our guest today i didn't say his name with any conviction i said it weird because he's making weird faces that feel judgmental but with bobby they might be judgmental. They might be totally about Bobby. That's so crazy. Yes, you're right. It's about me.

It's totally about me. I like it. I like your intro. Thank you for having me on. And I was texting you all day today like, what's the address? What's the address? And you never texted me back.

And then finally you did, so that's why I'm here. Thank you. Thanks for having me. I didn't text you back because I was recording a podcast with a ronnie chang yeah um see i would say that you're thank you you're in different categories but i don't think he's higher than you no he's not he's not he's not yeah but you know it's funny even that i because i said that it goes with the thing of my thing so it's like when we get to that point i'm gonna tell you what it is you know what i mean yes the thing that i do you know you always feel like you're drowning socially yeah i'm a drowner but you're not i know i'm like michael

thompson drowning yes yes you think you're drowning and you're winning metal i'm winning yeah yeah yeah once i realized you knew you were, it made it less fun to watch you drown. But I still enjoy watching you drown. At one point, it was fun to watch me drown? At some point, I thought you didn't know you were winning. And then I realized... I've always won. This is...

I'm a champion. This is the secret Bobby that I love. I'm a fucking champion. Machiavellian, competitive Bobby who wants to uh what i believe whitney called us sore winners whitney cummings said that i'm a sore winner i am yeah you're winning and you're still mad for when you were losing when you're winning you can't say you're winning no yeah you have to pretend you're losing yes because as a comic it's like if you're saying i'm killing it it's weird kevin hart does it funny yeah where he's winning and it's fun to watch him say he's winning all right

right but he's five five yeah you can say that yeah can you imagine me in that height yeah i'm five four oh and he's no i'm saying could you imagine being that tall taller than him are you taller than him yeah because i did a movie with him and i i walked i stood by him and i'm like this much that's gotta feel pretty good and he's not five, five, five, three, five, three. Now you understand this, this podcast because you feel,

you feel pretty crazy. You feel like something's wrong with you. You felt like something's wrong with you from the, probably your first conscious memories. No, not that I thought there was something wrong with me. There was something wrong with the world. Oh,

you thought it was the world. No, no, no, no. I'm saying I never thought there was something wrong with me. There was something wrong with the world. Oh, you thought it was the world? No, no, no. I'm saying I never thought it was. I thought the world was just kind of harsh and unfair. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah, like I was born, and I looked around my house, and I go, this doesn't seem right.

There's a lot of violence and things going on that I'm scared. Why am I scared? And then you turn on the TV and you see the white people, you know what I mean? Yeah. All holding hands at the dinner table doing this. I don't know what show that is, but yeah. It was white people.

Yeah. I'm like, I don't want that. Eight is enough. Remember eight is enough? Oh, I love eight is enough. Yeah. And it was never like that. So I always knew like one time my dad, we were having dinner and he didn't like the noodle.

You know what I mean? Because Asians are very particular about noodles. Sure, of course. I don't like this noodle. You know what I mean? And he took the table and he threw it up. Do you know that anytime I see an Asian person get angry in public, I assume it's about noodles? So this is great.

It's either noodles or rice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But those are the two things we're mad about. Two categories. Two categories. He's getting mad about two things. Asian, noodles or rice. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And so he, and then he threw the food. And I remember like the noodles and the rice and everything and the kimchi was stuck on the ceiling. Wow. And my mom was crying. Yeah. I was like five. Yeah. Right. I couldn't eat dinner that night because it's up in the ceiling yeah i mean i think i opened my mouth yeah yeah get a ladder get in your brother's shoulders and then i would i would and

then i remember going to my room going yeah i don't want to be here i feel so we've never talked about this that's absolutely was my experience yeah i remember watching a movie and i like it was like cool and black and white and i was maybe six or seven and i was like this is so good and cool and it and it was dog day afternoon and looking back i'm like why was i watching dog day afternoon yeah yeah as a kid and it's just because your whole point of view is warped yeah yeah it's all warped from this fucking severe environment yeah and then you end up liking harsh shit my movie was elephant man same exact right i'm like you shouldn't like elephant man yeah you shouldn't like the girl doesn't like him that's me

because his face is all fucked because I grew up in Minnesota so I always thought there was no other Asians in my school they used to throw snowballs at my head and go Eskimo you know what I mean I used to be running crying and then I would go home and I would experience what my dad

was doing and so it's like... Was your dad, do you remember him being crazy every day? Or just was it when he drank? That's the problem, though. If you could figure out... In November, he goes crazy. Yes. At November, I could just not show up or stay in my room.

But it was so random. It's the absolute lack of predictability. I hated it. And the arbitrariness of when you got hit why you got hit why you got shit thrown at you yeah it was always going to be about noodles or rice but it was yeah no it for him with me it was like he would beat me for looking at him don't look at me you know i mean in korean he would say that and then he would hit me and he was like like guys like ronnie chang and other asians they go oh my our parents are strict like i have a friend named gene you know gene hong he's a friend he's korean yeah he's a writer

and gene goes my dad used to beat me with a ping pong paddle my dad used to beat me with a ping pong table like he was extra like he was like the korean hulk and he would just pick it up smash you over my head you know i mean like he was crazy and so it was just like survival and i i'm like really not violent at all like i'm more like i'm like very sensitive yeah and sensitive you know me yeah and so i just kind of like internalize everything and i just kind of like made like i made jokes at school to survive to make friends and i was always in trouble made like i made jokes at school to survive to make friends and i was always in trouble i did drugs at an early age and that's how i survived what age i did meth at 11 wow yeah weed meth lsd all that shit 11 12 in that time period

and where did you do meth oh there was a kid that was skateboarding by my house and he flipped a skateboard over and he was he did a line of meth. That's about the coolest. And I just walked across the street and I went, I didn't even know what it was. It's funny, but you just knew like, whatever, if that's going to make me feel better, different than I am now, I want to do it.

And then I would sneak into my dad's liquor cabinet and also his, he was such an alcoholic that he would have a refrigerator in the garage. Oh, my dad had that. Yeah. For just for beer? Just for beer. Yep.

Your dad had that? Yep. Yeah. And so my mom was like, would stock it. And so I could just drink as much beer as I wanted and no one would know. Yeah. And when did you realize like. Why is this like this?

This podcast is getting deep, huh getting deep yeah that's what I do you should watch my Netflixes they're pretty deep yeah and would you try to relate to other kids like well you were all gonna get fucked up and they'd be like what are you talking about I found the crew okay you find a crew and then it's like my crew is weird because I don't want to name

names but um there was some homosexual elderly going on homosexual homosexual because I don't want to name names, but there was some homosexuality going on. Homosexuality? Homosexuality. How do you say it? Homosexuality. Tell me more.

What do you mean? Yeah, and then you would get drunk at a party, and then a friend of yours would go, hey, come and suck my dick behind this bush. And do you think they were gay, or they were just weird at that age where it's like, maybe? Yeah, middle school, I don't know, maybe. I don't think they're gay, no. But was still like it seemed rapey yeah well then if you know what i

say if it seemed rapey it's rapey yeah yeah but it was like but i said also i was there was so much going on that back then that it was like it was just another thing also do you remember childhood is all terror well it was mostly terror but there was like you know um moments of um relief yeah and there was moments of levity and there was moments of like my dad would feel so guilty like let's go disneyland oh so he did feel guilty yeah so we'd be like oh we're at disneyland this is cool right but then he would get drunk and then you know i mean go hog wild again you know so it's like he felt guilty and it's so funny because when i graduated from high school because he would you know when i got on mad tv he was on sketches

i didn't even know that oh yeah like he did a sketch with me and ike barrenholz yeah in a bathtub and my dad had lines and everything did they at was dad? Was he like, Bobby's dad's here. Yeah, we would do sketches like, Ike visits my parents' house for Thanksgiving. And my actual parents would be in the scene. That's wild. It was wild. And my dad was, everyone loved him. Yeah.

Your dad's so cool. He was so cool when I graduated from high school. Oh, like he was. He changed so dramatically. That's funny. So you think the stress of having kids was like too much for him no i think what happened was um one day when i was 16 years old my dad he used to take golf clubs and beat you know just hit my legs with it as hard as he could

and i remember i was on the wrestling team in high school and i was just so loaded you know i mean that one day he would he put the of a golf club and i went you know what i'm gonna pick up a golf club too and we're gonna go and we went at it like i see the same size as you around at that point i was you smaller right go time and i hit him once in the ribs with a fucking nine iron like yeah yeah like tiger wood style it almost broke his ribs and he dropped how did it not yeah he dropped his fucking golf club and just went in the room he never touched me again fuck i wish i had that moment but you never had that because i had golf clubs that you should i didn't know i didn't know that we could use them against their dad yeah you can't you can't that

would i had so many golf clubs yeah and it never occurred to me that i could you can't you can fuck yeah why didn't you because you thought that the consequences would be too severe yeah it was the idea of hitting my dad is like was impossible did he hit you yeah yeah my brother one time one of my brothers threw him this is like the kind of guy my dad was he like went into my brother's room my brother's probably 18 or 20 and like tried to start a fight and my brother peter threw my dad into a closet like threw the door onto the ground and then my dad goes picking on an old man huh which is like oh that's fucking bullshit you fucking weirdo you started the fight yeah yeah and then it's like this weird gas lady thing of picking out an old man like

yeah yeah so i think that got in my head because and then i was like well now i can't hit him with a golf now i have to just play golf. Well, you can't randomly hit him one day at breakfast. But if he's attacking you, then you pick up the golf club. Yeah, it just never got to that. You were in California or in Minnesota when this happened? No, California then. It feels like a California move to me.

It's a California move. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not a Minnesota move. No. Midwest? Ice pick. Yeah, there you hit him with an ice move. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not a Minnesota move. No. Midwest? Ice pick. Yeah, there you hit them with the ice pick. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Skates. Skates. You got to skate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's very interesting. But luckily, I got sober early. How early? I was a junior in high school.

What made you go to the treatment centers? I got kicked out of school, and I was just doing so much meth and and and and weed and and i the people are gonna think i'm crazy i've heard a lot of good things about meth it's the best yeah that's what i've heard i had a girlfriend who had done meth and she was like my teeth they never look better and all you do is fuck yeah you can't come though that's a problem oh my god i'm because i was so young and i wasn't fucking then but i would jerk off like crazy and you couldn't come it would take me three hours yeah my dick would bleed literally yeah that's not good yeah yeah but um eventually you'd get there yeah but but it would come out as powder right honestly i don't know anyhow go ahead and then you'd snort

that and yeah yeah yeah up so that's funny so then my senior year i would go to a meetings out in la jolla and then when i graduated from high school i um i just moved to la jolla and i lived two blocks from the comedy store yeah so that's how the comedy thing started. When you're getting kicked out of schools and like authorities are going and cops and like, where do you think this is a normal life? Or do you know, like this is falling apart.

I don't really understand it. Let's just see what happens. No, the goal was death. I did not want to live. Because I would go to this cliff by my there was like a little cliff

and I would stand there for days and go should I jump should I jump I mean I didn't want to be here and what were the thoughts like

just do it this is the day do it do it and I don't know it was just I think the fear of the pain right right

and then what if it because it wasn't that high of a thing I probably would have broken a leg yeah right and there was it'd be a call for i mean a cry for help yeah almost because i wanted to if i was going to do it i wanted to do it like if i worked if i lived in san francisco i probably would have died i would just got access to bridges yeah yeah yeah but um i had no access to that you know i mean so um but i would just stand there and just go should i just jump because i just hated it you know like you would wake up miserable or you was it like a negative tape in your head yeah just that hole in your soul yeah you know i mean

and no future and that's the thing it's like especially like in sophomore junior i would get my grades were terrible so i knew college was in the thing. Right. And I like, I don't know how I'm going to survive in the future. I have no skills whatsoever. So I was just like, Oh, I have, I don't know what to do.

I'm like, I envisioned like maybe working at like, maybe like at a home Depot or something. Yeah. But that was like it, which is not bad. If you, if you work at home Depot,

that's a great job. I don't know. They shouldn't kill themselves. What? They shouldn't kill themselves. They shouldn't get them. That's a good job. They shouldn't kill themselves? What? They shouldn't kill themselves. No, they shouldn't kill themselves. That's a good job. And then you got sober, and how long were you sober for that time?

Almost 13 years. Wow. Yeah. So you moved here, started doing stand-ups. I relapsed when I was on MADtv. Right, okay. I knew that you did, but I didn't know that. And then you got sober again for?

On my second year of MADtv, the end of my second year of MADtv, during that summer, I got sober again. Okay, and then you were sober again for... The end of my second year of Mad TV, during that summer, I got sober again. Okay, and then you were sober... 17 years after that. So you're making it longer. Next time will be 20, 21? No, because I relapsed when my dad died, and then I only lasted like nine months or whatever.

Oh, got it. And I relapsed again. And now I have a year next Wednesday. Congratulations. Thank you, I mean... What do you fill the hole up with? You're not going to like my answer. I think I know what it is. What is it?

Success. No. What? Don't say math. Do not say math. In fact, success is, I call it a false god. It is. Because when you first

like, when I was doing stand-up in my 20s, I remember going, oh, I don't need AA meetings because the applause of an audience feels like spirituality almost. It kind of fills it, but it's like not real.

Because eventually it stops working. So the only thing you can do is go spiritual right it's like i you know every day i struggle with the concept of god you know i mean because you just look at the planet and in the history of our planet and you just kind of go how could there be but it's the only way i can do it so i don't oh you thought i wouldn't like that answer god i believe in god now that's insane you yes did i not tell you about ayahuasca and all that stuff oh yeah you did ayahuasca and dmt yeah so you believe in god not even beliefs not even strong enough a word oh i love that i love it i don't want to turn it into like a religion thing it's not that's

why i don't like talking about it. Yeah. All right. Yeah. It's so like, Oh, it's like I'm wearing a light blue shirt. Yeah.

It's I'm so positive and not like, fuck you. I'm not picking. It's not religious. It's just like, Oh no. Well, I had an experience on DMT where I was like near it.

Yeah. And people that have done that, done that. I've said that. Yeah. And it was, I was fucked up for six months i've said that yeah and it was i was fucked up for six months after it in a different it's a whole other story but the bottom line is i've come out of it and i'm better and i'm believing in god does make life better and i don't mean it

in a again and i mean that in a non-religious way yeah me too you don't have to know what it is it's like i like the mystery of the world right when you look up at the sky and just the overwhelming like if you think about the concept of the universe and galaxies and it's incomprehensible it's uncomprehensible yeah incomprehensible yeah yeah so it's like and i don't have to answer any of those things i just have to believe because if i don't i'm fucking miserable man yeah and it's something it's something well i don't i my experience was i dealt with the god and it was incomprehensible like palpably where i was actually uh over i was drowning in incomprehensibility it was it was like my brain was like on reap it was like a computer fucking malfunctioning yeah like it was fucking crazy so it does make it seem like i now believe

that i'm a spirit in this vessel which i never did before even though i was an altar boy and went to church and all that shit like you know ram das ram das says that dying is like taking off a tight shoe and when he said that i was just like okay i just could get my head wrapped around that you know i mean it's like a release and you just kind of get your energy just kind of blends into everything else yeah you know i mean we become a thing that it's not nothingness we can't understand it yeah but i would say that we morph into a different uh field or something but if somebody told me my doctor told me that you're gonna die in three weeks i'd be petrified uh i'd be like i'll be fucking petrified oh i'll just be like oh i don't even know well that was part of my dmt thing was

it was i was fucking petrified of what i experienced and i was like I don't even know. Well, that was part of my DMT thing was it was, I was fucking petrified of what I experienced and I was like, I don't want to go back there. I can't. And then I just slowly realized like, no, you'll understand it when you're there. You know, white dudes like you really just baffle me, you know, because you get girls and it baffles me because

you remind me of Crumb. Remember the artist Crumb from the 60s? But he got girls too. You talking about the documentary that I saw four times in the theater? That one of Crumb. Remember the artist Crumb from the 60s? But he got girls too. You talking about the documentary that I saw four times in the theater? That one? Crumb? Robert Crumb? Yeah.

You're that type of white. Skinny? Skinny and kind of like sickly looking. But very talented. But then like women like them. It's like fucking crazy. You think women are attracted to just looks women are attracted to vibration and behavior that's what i'm learning from you thank you

anyway let's move on hey this episode is sponsored by better help they're back because uh they know that my listeners and viewers are in real emotional trouble which is why they watch this podcast in the first place. They want to see professional comedians also in trouble. We're not in trouble. We're just being honest about our inner lives. And that's what BetterHelp can help you with. You go into Better Help. I just did it because I wanted to see what the hell the whole, I mean, I've been on it before, but it had been a while. They ask you a lot of information and then they will pair you with a therapist that's appropriate for you based on your goals, based on your background, based on your various orientations, religious, sexual. So go on there and you can get better.

I'm living proof that therapy can make you better. And there's different kinds of therapy. There's a cognitive behavioral therapy. There's Freudian, there's Jungian, there's so many different kinds of therapy. You don't have to stick with one. What I'm trying to say is if you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can get you there. Visit betterhelp.com slash Neil today to get 10% off your first month. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot C-O-M slash N-E-A-L. Do it today. Promise you can feel better.

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Anyhow, that's the macro block that we've talked about, is your sobriety. And I'm happy that you're sober, and I'm happy that you're not even considering hurting yourself in any way. No, dude, I'm my life right now is unbelievable. And is it because of your achievements or because of your spiritual practices? It's a combination of a bunch of things. things it's like because um i think i'm at a new um level when it comes to my sobriety of what i want to achieve do and um i'm just really into it right now and then also secondly i want to learn

i want to grow and i'm open and also secondly yeah my career is going really it's never been better and um i don't know i i've never been here I really like that you're allowing yourself to enjoy it because I had Santino here and he was like I said you don't enjoy it enough. Who doesn't? Andrew. Andrew doesn't enjoy his or mine? His. Yeah, yeah. He doesn't enjoy his. He hates yours. He hates mine. But he really doesn't

enjoy his enough at all. And I'm glad that you realized because I had the thought the other day about myself. I was like this is a very good period of my life. Like it's a good period of my life. But the best part is that I can acknowledge it, which I never could. But it has to do with age as well. I agree.

Right? It's like in the 20s, you're just struggling. Yeah. I was struggling. I had no money. Forget women. I mean, that wasn't even in my fucking i was out you know what i mean and i was just like how am i gonna survive and my throat is like okay

right in my 40s it got better but now it's just like i got everything i kind of wanted but it took that long yeah it just took fucking forever well it takes forever to get everything lined up like in that where you'd be like, okay, that's good. Okay, let me do this now. Okay, that's good. That's still, okay, let me do the other. And it's so hard to get them all lined up because you think you can. And maybe you're right.

We could only do one at a time. Do you know what I mean? Like you kind of have to focus on your career at a certain point. You kind of have to. Yeah. But it's also things caught up to us like technology too kind of like you know was a new concept thing yeah you know i mean i was able to take you know i mean all these things happened and so it's just like really cool but you're a techno comic i just wanted to say that because i know it would hurt

your feelings today i woke up i looked in my house, and half of my furniture is gone. Because she's moving out today. Wow. There was a feeling of sadness. A real deep sadness. Yeah. Tell me about it. I was living with Kalilah for 10 years.

And we've been broken up for about six, seven months. And I don't know. This is the first time where I'm just kind of like, oh, this is real. Yeah. I'm alone. You know, and, you know, I had a loud house. Like, I would wake up, and there would be people in the living room. Yeah.

Laughter, joy, and all this stuff, and I don't know't know man you don't like being alone too much well i haven't done it in so long that like i'm just sort of readjusting to it all you know i don't know if this is real or not but i honestly don't believe that i'll ever be in another thing again do you ever hear larry david used to drive when he was a cab driver no in new york it's like two years ago no it was 40 years ago when he driving in new york and he's like when i would when i would drop someone off i would think i'm never gonna get another fare which is like really that's so crazy he would think like i'm no one's ever gonna hail me again that's our thinking yes yeah yeah no i don't want to hail me again. That's our thinking. Yes. Yeah, yeah. No, I don't want to, though.

That's the thing. I look at certain guys like Pauly, you know what I mean, and Spade maybe. And I go, oh, that could be a lifestyle that I could get used to. To some people, it's a cautionary tale, honestly. It is a cautionary tale. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To some people. But I'm with you in that there are times where I go, I think about how I feel by myself and I think about how I feel with somebody.

And sometimes I think that being with somebody is significantly more stressful to me than being by myself. Because the expectations of when I'm by myself are nil. They don't exist, right? Yeah. And the expectations when you're with somebody is like you have to behave a certain way and it's hard and it can be gratifying i refuse to compromise no more oh we ate you know we ate steak last night let's go to this vegan place before it's like okay i'll eat that eat that. Not anymore. Have fun. I'm going to Morton's again.

That's where I'm at now. You know what I mean? We saw that scary movie last night. Let's watch this fucking romantic. No, fuck yourself. I'm watching the scary movie again. I'm not doing any of it. Go to my friend's wedding. Go fuck yourself. I'm not going. Brunch.

I'll do that okay i'll do brunch um uh no i'm with you but it can be and i don't know if it's a personality type or if most people their fear of loneliness is greater than their reluctance to compromise i because i think yeah i know i don't know i don't know you're right it'll change you're right you're right i don't know this is the first day so i don't know it might change who knows i might meet you know the one right who knows you know i mean but this time i'm going to go public a white. That's my next venture. Tell me more. I'll tell you why.

Before I used to, when I would get a white, right? I don't like your tone. Go ahead. Excuse me? I didn't like your tone on get a white. That's what you people are. I get it. You're a white.

It didn't have the respect that I think white people have. You talk about world history. You no longer get that. We put up numbers in science. Killed it. Math. Killed it. Electricity.

Electricity. Thank you. Wi-Fi. I don't know about Wi-Fi. We had to be involved. Some Asians were involved as well. NASA. Space program.

But can I just say this, though? Yep. Do any Southeast Asians, are they rocketing themselves? Because I know a few whites off the top of my head that are just built to rocket themselves to go out to kick it.

Space kick it. I understand that. Go ahead. But it's white people's like desire to like get away from all the ethnics i mean it doesn't i'll tell you what the whites are great and i'm a big fan of your guys right so when i was younger and i would get a white it would be like a trophy right because back especially back like now like ronnie chang like he's married but he could get a white easily like for Asian guys but back

in the 80s and 90s you I mean it was like a fuck I mean I was I was oh my god I should just I deserve a statue for the amount of whites you got the amount of whites I got when we weren't supposed to get them I should get a fucking statue with my little dick and just

doing this or whatever like imagine that you know what I mean this is the statue yeah yeah like just like this you know i mean with my dick and like in you know yeah yeah my face is telling you something else but yeah yeah yeah yeah you know i mean also this would be my like um if there was ever a nuclear bomb this would be my nuclear shadow have you thought about your nuclear what are you doing i don't know but i just if i if they said a fucking atomic bomb's gonna hit it i would do something great like this it is interesting it's you know a hundred years from they'd see my shadow and they go what was that guy doing i'd probably dab yeah yeah now i would like to give you credit for that but i saw a clip where you dabbed and said you saw it on alan yeah and i had the

thought bobby's very funny thank you yep let's move on with the white so anyway and then before it was like a trophy thing but now it's like i i kind of want to like you know i did the asian thing i did the mexican thing i just want to try something like you you know, I want to go back to the white. I'm with you. Or Korean, full Korean, not half. Why full? There's a smell. For real? 100%.

There's a smell they have that I relate to. I love the things that you can't say. I couldn't say that. I wouldn't even write it in an app on my phone that korean full koreans have a smell i wouldn't even i don't even like saying it back to you is how uncomfortable can i ask let me ask you something so that means that you've been with a full korean and you smelled something i don't know if i have well i don't know if i have been with a full korean i they could tell me that yeah yeah yeah who am i you have i'm not know if i have been with a vulgarian i they could tell me that yeah

who am i you have i'm not gonna be like turn around you're not full it's not an asshole smell no it's not you know i'm talking about like it's not a negative smell no yeah it's a either a pheromone yeah it's like it's a pheromone thing it's it kind of reminds me of like lychee fruit and dirt interesting yeah it's a combination between the two it's great great and when i smell it only they have only koreans have it and when i smell it was your mom full korean yeah yeah all right i'm seeing a connection korean great there's nothing well i did um 23 million i'm 10 japanese but don't tell anybody i won't there's a lot of shame in my life great when i did what to who do we know i don't know but in the history something happened something

great yeah maybe there's a oh i thought all asian people were just very equal and they were just worried about white invaders and but all asian people were very cool to each other my misunderstanding yeah history i thought yeah i thought the rape of nan king was white people is that not was it i'm sorry was it chinese japanese going after it okay i'm sorry yeah sorry um anyhow anyway so that's my next one white great i made a joke about dating asian women and when you know what's funny is it's weirdly like a beacon for other asian women where they're like i heard you like asian women yeah and then that's that's their opener yeah asian women love the whites too you know i mean and it's like um it would suck back in the day because it's like you know asian women were always looked at as like you know exotic and like the thing that people men white men loved right but

it was never like you guys never exchanged your white women for them so we were ended we ended up having nothing i it was very unfair for the nothing and i used to do a joke about it i've never been in the club and been like fuck the asian guys are here and but now you can't i mean you'd be i'm still not no you'd be so fucking surprised if you and ronnie what i'm doing right now the the numbers you're putting up i mean i don't want to say that it's coffee but i'm just saying that totally confident it's a completely different time period the way you just hit that p the way you hit that p was unbelievable what the comp the way you just hit that p was never unheard of i'm happy to have you and i'll see out there

oh yeah okay see on you'll see you'll see me too dude white woman mountain yeah see out there and i i i like all kinds of women me too me too yeah it's not like let's move on all right let's go to all right number one not good at confrontation hate it i will say i found that this is a through line with a lot of comedians in that the job description is kind of we get in these situations we are furious but we don't say anything and then we take it out in the comedy yeah i talk i take it out in um podcasting and in comedy and i also like to talk people talk about people behind their backs but when it comes to one-on-one i'm a coward yes like i heard you said this about me no i didn't here's the recording that no no no you know you get and

you seem to get very korean yeah i do yeah yeah because i get when i get scared, my accent comes out. Yeah. Like, like, um, Aries Spears. Mm-hmm. Oh, my God. So, I would talk mad shit about him. Mm-hmm. Because he, you know, we had some experiences together, right? Then when I saw him, it was fucking scary, dude. He'd heard about it?

He had saved all of it. From where? From this random podcast. He had evidence. So, he came up to me and was like, yo, man, you're talking mad shit about me i go no i love you he's like listen and he said let's go to a clip yeah and it projected onto the wall all the shit that's basically yeah yeah that was terrifying did he hire an editor do you think or he did it himself i don't know but it made him that mad that would make me mad.

What? If you talk shit about me on podcast. I'm not talking shit. No, no, about me. I do talk shit about you. Oh, about Aries. I don't. Wait, wait, wait. Listen, listen, listen, listen.

You just said you talk shit about me. Listen, okay. I don't talk shit, okay, my friend? All right? I tell stories, okay, about you. Me, Neil Brennan or Aries? The proverbial Neil Brennan. The proverbial. Right? Right. So I've said things about you me neil brennan or yeah the proverbial people proverbial right right so i've said things about you a lot of it wasn't true but in my mind it was and we've worked it out over the time but my point is is that's another problem of mine is i have this assumption that

people like even in conversations i i'll take you know subtext or whatever and right and i'll you know what i mean you write fan fiction about people you write science fiction about interactions you've had yeah because growing up as a as a trauma kid right like you just make trauma boys that's what they call it yeah the trauma boys right with a z so i would i would always have to read my dad you know what i mean and my mom right course. And my mom, right? And that just kind of spilled out into other social things. Where you're doing it, every interaction is there's hostility. Right. There's potential for violence.

Exactly. Or when I walk into a restaurant, if I'm on a date, they're like, what are you doing? I go, I got to find where all the exits are. So I'll roam around the fucking restaurant and look and you do that right now like in this building i did it i walked in this building you do a sweep i do a sweep yeah and i don't know why i do it i mean i know why but it's like it's safety you want a clear space to do your nuclear tiktok celebration or your fortnight celebration that's no but it's like it's like if there's like you know an aurora you know um what's i don't aurora

i don't i literally oh when a shooting yeah at the movie theater yeah it's been like a while but yeah there was a colorado yeah of course you'll free you're the kid at orange hair yeah no i'm not the kid. I'm the victim. I get it. I know you are. Yeah, yeah. So when I walk into a movie theater, I do it.

I go, because of Aurora, I go, there's exit, exit. I can go up this stairs, these stairs. And I have it planned out before the movie starts. Do you have a tidal wave exit plan? Yeah. What is it? A tidal wave? Like a huge wave hits LA. Yeah, so i was in hawaii once and this is

so fucking fucked up i was in hawaii once by myself and they slid a fucking paper underneath my door and i picked up and they said tsunami coming right and then all of a sudden i heard these sirens and i was the first floor you on i was on the second floor i was the first guy on the rooftop yeah like people like people got up there 20 minutes later i'm like yeah i've been up here yeah i had a fucking scuba thing i had the whole scuba thing and my wetsuit on i was fucking ready dude that's exciting and it never came but i stayed up there for eight more hours just in case because you had to yeah yeah but anyway yeah i'm that guy i prepare and all right so that's your tsunami and you've lived it you were you had a tsunami warning and you got the flippers and you had the flippers the wetsuit

the fucking snorkel goggles the whole thing i had a bible great right i had my cigarettes even though like i know i would smoke back then no that's not going to do great no i know although i would be funny to see one of those videos of a guy floating in a huge river with his head stuck out yeah like a fucking mechanic yeah so like you know in every scenario like if there's tornadoes i would have one different thing you know what's your tornado well i i only know based on um a twister the movie you mean paxton and the wetsuit and the mouthpiece wasn't well researched i know i make i know i make probably faulty assumptions of what to do, right? But still, I need to do it. So in Twister, remember, they latched themselves out

in a fire hydrant or whatever. So I looked at fire, like if I'm in Oklahoma, I go, where's the fire hydrants? Oh, interesting. Oh, here's a good question. What? Do you have a mass shooter plan?

I've done this. Oh, yeah, I do. Different comedians come to the store with a gun and are shooting people. What's your plan? Not only that, I already have a list of people who might. I absolutely do.

And I can't tell you who they are. But I have a short list of people. So whenever I'm on the line with them, it's here already. Are you going to bargain with them? Are you going to hit them with like, right? So whenever I'm on the lineup with them, it's here already. Are you going to bargain with them? Are you going to hit them with like, come on, man, we worked. There's three guys that there's nothing I had.

There's three guys, right? You're getting popped. I'm dead. There's three guys. I know I'm just dead. There's nothing I can say. Money, there's nothing. You know what I mean?

I hadn't even thought about bribing people. Yeah. I might have to tell somebody I'll do a sketch show with them. I'll be a showrunner. Yeah. I might have to tell somebody I'll do a sketch show with. I'll be a showrunner. Yeah. I'll be a showrunner for your sketch show. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Come on. We got to get through this. Yeah. I'll do six episodes up front. Yeah. But I have that list, and I know the comments. In fact, tonight, there's one guy on the lineup. I can't tell you who it is.

Wow. Who could be a shooter. So I am. That's interesting. I say hi, but I am you know man interesting super nice yeah of course great set even though i didn't see it you didn't great set man you know good job you're gonna be a star i love i'm with you in terms of of prepping i don't do sweeps but i'm definitely thought through a tsunami plan i'm going to uh i was i mean until i heard your water wings and all that stuff you had it's much better than what i got i'm just going up the phone the phone poles that was my thing no no that's electrical poles no because a car will

because of the tsunami if you remember ball uh was it bali or, it was Phuket. The poles, in all the video, poles are still intact. A lot of poles went down. Okay. Yeah, a lot of poles went down, right? Because you're watching just video. Yeah. Right? A lot of poles went down, okay?

And if you're up there and a pole goes down, not only are you going to drown, but you're falling. Just do one or the other. Fall or drown. It does look a little fun, though like river that is true that like huge river and you go you jump in and like ah and you got your cigarette yeah yeah you know it'd be horrifying it's unimaginable it's because it's not the water that kills you it's the debris oh that's interesting wear helmet not a wetsuit but you just you're you have like a neck brace the whole thing and then maybe you're like you can like dodge a car

i don't know no it's it's hard it's the japanese one where the cars went over the the japanese that was a great tsunami you know what's great about it the shot it's one of my favorite shots of life yeah yeah house moving in the water getting dragged away by water on fire it's one of my favorite shots of life. Yeah, yeah. House moving in the water, getting dragged away by water, on fire. It's an unbelievable shot. I just thought of something sad. So after that tsunami in Japan, some guy set up a magical phone booth. So it's a phone booth that's not attached to anything. It doesn't work, right?

But he put a recording device in that like that would record and people that lost their families in the tsunami would call that phone and talk to their loved ones it's wild you know they would go like you know cindy not cindy that's not a japanese name is it it's like a when they come to america yeah yeah but in japan like toko i'll just say perfect thank you yeah toko's doing great like you know i mean yeah she's got straight a's and this and that like a man talking to his wife on the phone yeah it's super sad man where are you with well we'll get into it yeah um not good at confrontation yeah so there's nothing and have you developed a plan to get

better at it or you just hope you don't get caught well i'm on medication that helps what do you want ritalin great and then you like it i love it great secondly i also need to do boundaries and that's what fucked up my relationship with kalilah i just never we never fought i just absorbed everything but there were resentments building yeah and it was like she's you know she's a hot chick i don't want her to leave right right so i would just absorb all this stuff right resentment and it gets to the point where there's nothing you can do with it except you become miserable it's in every conversation if you don't clear it yeah you literally bring it

so i can't like afford to do that anymore so i'm learning to do all that go hey you know what you just said to me really hurt my feelings or you know this is how i feel about you know i mean it's hard it's so hard yeah when i first started going to a 12-step meeting about uh codependence i would if i was going to talk somebody on the phone i'd have a like literally i'd bullet point the things i wanted to say wow when i called them this is back when we used to call people on the phone yeah but like you have to you have to because otherwise you get caught up in the swirl of what they're of their counter argument and then you're fucked yeah it's a very hard thing to do is ask for what you want it's hard to know what

you want yeah but but i think our new i mean your new you know i mean um idea of god right maybe can't we just incorporate that that like mean, I believe that I wouldn't change anything of my past because I feel like it all led me to this moment in my life and I love my life, right? So it's like, and I have to believe that all that stuff in my head, and it could be wrong, happened all the way it was supposed to happen and for a reason. And I tried to make the most healthiest choices for myself. You know what I mean? So from this moment onward,

you know, I have to believe that as well, that like things are just going to happen. I'm going to meet the right person. Do you ever feel that way or no? Well, no, no,

no, no, no, no, I don't think it's random events. Cause my thing is like, I've had an incredibly fortunate life. Amazing.

And, but there are times where I wonder, when you look at like the hard parts, or you look at the downs, whatever, the difficult chapter, whatever, and you go, why did that happen? What am I supposed to make of that? Yeah. That's the part I have a hard time with. The thing about a belief in God that makes, that I like is it does make me feel like whatever happens in my life is okay. Meaning if I end up with somebody great, if I don't end up with somebody also great.

Yeah. And not even cause like God somewhere and loves me. My experience of God was not even loving or venomous or it was just like, it was just such, it was like dealing with like a super, superper duper duper duper duper duper duper duper power so it was not even like oh and we have a relationship i didn't have any sort of relationship with the thing i experienced right but you have one now no i mean no not in that i don't pray to it i just think that there's a energetic field that i can go to through meditation or prayer whatever you want to call it that i don't really understand what's going on and even just talking

about it 15 seconds ago i felt like a yeah yeah i get what you're saying like i felt like uh and my energy shifted a little bit where i was like am i about to pass out just for like a split second yeah so do you believe in manifestation are you asking me do i listen to joe dispenza and do the manifestation thing almost daily no no i mean i believe in the chemical yeah i guess the short answer would be yes okay the joe dispenza thing was joe because i do listen to it yeah so do you believe in manifestation yeah let's move on the next one so you're not good at confrontation you're addicted The Joe Dispenser thing was Joe because I do listen to it. Yeah, yeah. So, do you believe in manifestation? Yeah. Let's move on.

Next one. So, you're not good at confrontation. You're addicted to tragedy porn. Tell me about that. Are you? Tragedy porn? No. I don't even know what defined it for me.

Like tsunami shit? People fucking in tsunamis? That's part of it. Like, here's what I'll this is gonna sound so sick dude i love it i know but i don't know if people no don't worry about just worry about what i like okay all right so um what i'll do is i'll google like i'll be on youtube and i'll know um sandy hook the day it happened like news stories right and i'll see the build-up of like you know newscasters getting the information for the first time and the shock and horror and then i'll start crying and i'll do that with 9-11

i'll do that with like the korean ferry boat that drowned in korea that killed a bunch of high school kids and i'll do that to cry and to feel things and to feel empathy. I thought it was like porn porn. So that's very interesting. Yeah, I watch things over and over again. I'll do it with also The Voice or American Idol. Like when someone gets eliminated? No. I do that.

The tragedy of the elimination. No, I do that with positive things. Right, when someone tells their life things. Like when they. Right. When someone goes to tell their life story. You have the talent. And I'll watch it. But I'll watch it for three hours. The same thing over and over again.

The same clip. Same clip over and over again. I just have this obsession with it. And I do that with a lot of things. That's. Because I have a weird thing where I get very touched by people's dreams come true like that. Yeah, me too. Like very touched. I'm like, i watch it on loop like a maniac um but i like it i it like makes me tear up in a

way that surprises me yeah i haven't done it since i've been on medication though interesting i don't touch things three times anymore i don't i listen listen to everyone. Everyone says it's weird. Is it better? It's a thousand times better. Pre Ritalin you. Was it a bit of a prison? It feels like I just had to do something. It feels like kind of torturous.

Like, yeah, maybe. Yeah, maybe. Yeah. I mean, I could like it's so funny because I run into comics now at the comics and people I'm not really that friends with. But I'll have conversations and people like will people I'm not really that friends with. And but I'll have conversations and people like will literally go, wow, that's weird. In the middle of conversation, I go, what?

You're still here. My logo for you isn't that. It's just darting, darting from thing to thing, like darting in the. Yeah. Like in the parking lot. Never leave in the parking lot until you get in a Prius. Yeah. Go. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. mean died yeah i don't even hear that part that was like par for the course but now yeah i listened to it i said part of the course because i know you understand golf as a metaphor for violence thank you thank you yeah that's really you're a thinker very good mind it's probably too long a callback but is there such a thing yeah um the medication has like for some reason those things

it's corrected itself. I mean, Tom Cruise would hate that I'm doing it, but... We can't worry about that. I can't worry about Tom Cruise and not anymore. Do you... Do you... Do you... That's the Japanese woman. Call her on the ghost phone. Do you...

Okay, guy, that's funny. Another callback. Another callback. Too subtle. Alright, so you stopped doing the tragedy porn. Yeah, I stopped doing it. I... okay guy that's funny another callback another callback it's too subtle and what all right so you stopped doing the tragedy porn yeah yeah i stopped doing it um i um like so the 9-11 like regis and kathy lee when they were when the planes were hitting and they're like what's going on yeah yeah and you hear like screaming yeah like or i'll watch like videos Of people watching it happen on the streets Right And them crying

Like there was one where this old man is crying Yeah And he's not even like a New Yorker He looks like he's from the country And was just visiting Yeah And he looked like so American Like Americana right

And he had like one tear You know how the native guy Yeah On the forest had it When they used to litter You know what I mean But he had one tear And it was like I used to litter you know i mean but he had one tear and

it was like i used to weep over that yeah yeah but you know i do cry though you know when we have comedy deaths when comics died those are the only times i've cried who let's go who'd you cry for who didn't you cry i'm kidding brody was i bet it was i was on the consular ball jack knight yeah it was very very hard sagging and i was kidding oh fuck i didn't know my bad well because i don't want to leave people out like nope didn't didn't get me oh that's true but there's just so many i could rattle off everyone no of course sagged was a weird one because it was like somebody made the observation sagged affected comedians more than we thought because he loved being a comedian and that was like when he died it was norm was hard yeah norm was yeah norm was

shocking but um i i talked to um bob's um my fiance wife um three nights ago and we talked for a little bit you guys are dating right anyway next thing we did tragedy porn what's the next riddled with fear that's a good one yeah I'm riddled with fear the other night I went up after

Todd Berry and Sarah Silverman you were before them and as soon as they hit the stage, did they just leave? They was late. I understand that. And there could be a zillion reasons why they left, right?

But I always go to the negative part. Well, I've noticed that in you. Yeah. Theo does a similar thing. That's where we get along. You guys will be crushing to the point where i'll be in the back going like i can't follow this and then the last 90 seconds you guys it'll seem like you lose interest yeah and like you're in a bad relationship with the audience so funny and i'm

like what's happened i mean it benefits me because it just makes it easier to follow you guys but i'm like what is what's happening here can you explain it to me from your point of view i honestly it's so funny that you bring that up because you know by the, most people refreshed their YouTube link just now because you froze so perfectly for four seconds. There was no sound. It was one of the best things I've ever seen. So you think that they... They were like...

It was like the end of The Sopranos where it went to black. You just froze so completely. I'm so sorry. Don't be sorry. No, because it was such a valid thing, and I had to really process it. I loved it. We all loved it. They're all grateful for it.

Yeah. It's so funny because I did it last night where I was crushing, and in the last 45 seconds, I don't know what happened, but I said goodnight, and it got so weird, people barely clapped. But I was crushing. If I would have ended it when I was crushing, but I always have to kind of go, all right, let's make it weird now and uncomfortable. I don't know what it is. It's something I have to go to therapy for, I think.

You just brought that up. It's weird, but I've noticed it for years where you get off. Like we all like say hello. Like we bring each other up at the comedy store and we'll like say something on the way. Usually it's like, Hey buddy, or whatever. It's something,

but sometimes you'll be like, sorry, it's horrible. Or do you always think you bomb and you never do? Yeah. I always feel like people don't like me, but it's so funny because it's like, I mean, I'm going to like, if I go on the road, you know what I mean? Like, and I, you know, do yeah i always feel like people don't like me but it's so funny because it's like i mean i'm

going to like if i go on the road you know i mean like and i you know i sell out yeah as soon as it's out you know i'm not bragging i just you know i mean and um and by the way you earned it yeah people wait in line they love it you know i mean and i just there do you relate to it when you see your name on the thing and you look i i i can't even look like in san jose you know i mean how you know you're the grooms upstairs yeah and you can look down for the show the line for the second show and wraps around the fucking thing yes people some people go go look and i go i i what are they doing out there it i don't even understand what's happening i don't even know what's going yeah like what. Like, what? Yeah. They came here?

Yeah. Like, does Kevin Hart on the show? Yeah. In my mind, you know what I mean? But, and then they stay and they wait in line

and they want to meet me. It's like, I don't know what's going on. It would be weirder if we were like, I get it. But with the Theo thing, because I've seen him

do the same thing too. Yeah, where you're like, I can't fucking follow this. And him and I together. Oh, it's great. On the same show? no just in a car if you and I are in a car it's like

yeah man I know we don't even say anything we just say that do you guys think you bombed with each other in the car? oh yeah and you know we sold a show right so like we're on like a zoom i wrote a spec about it i know about it i wrote the spec we read it on your on tiger belly dude

that thing was so rude yeah i'm a narcissist you know what my favorite part of self-doubt is the self part. That thing was so fun, brutally funny. Yep. And so like, and it's like, if you would have done that, check out Tiger Brother, the last one with Nealon. He did a script between me and Theo, like a spec script. If you would have done that three years ago, like maybe five years ago,

when we didn't know each other that well. Oh my God. I think we'd go to blows. Somebody said that you wanted to hit me no no no but now that you did that then i'm like it felt like an homage and that like i that you know me yeah and it felt so good yeah all right but i always really like you i've always really liked you i you know what let me do compliments to you then i think you're so funny i love you but no i appreciate it i think you're so fucking funny and so unique thank you and such an original fucking human being uh that that's what that's why i don't know when you had a podcast

you didn't invite me i was like i fucking love this guy so like i respect him oh my god don't fucking don't even fucking do that right now dude i'm not gonna don't even fuck let me let me let me let me let me say something right all right after we had you on the first time there was a general consensus among the people i work with like why didn't we do that earlier earlier that guy is so good. You're so good at it. But can I say something? You've improved your skills as a podcaster as well.

Okay. Fair. Fair. Fair enough. I don't... You understand it. I agree with you? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And anytime you ever wanted to do any of our podcasts, at any moment, I would fucking cancel other people to have you on fantastic now you also understand as a sore winner don't do this no no whatever you're doing don't do it i was gonna suck your dick but i guess i won't i won't no my point is don't do this because i know because it's so funny before you were on the first time for about six months probably you know I mean you would bring you up every time yeah and I could feel you were getting angry about it yeah yeah it wasn't a personal thing well this is the hard part

of our jobs is the can I say something you did that made me mad and I would you know what I always thought that I would never bring this up because you brought this up. When I was at Montreal three years ago, you were talking to Robbie from Netflix and you didn't say hi to me that well. That well? You were very standoffish with me.

I'll tell you why. In my head, I don't think Robbie likes me. And so I needed you to be like, oh my God, it's Bobby Lee. And you didn't do it. And then I couldn't sleep that night. I'm very sorry about that. I'm sorry for not having you on my podcast.

And I'm sorry that, and I knew there was a reason and that has a lot to do with it. And you can blame it on talent. But most things that we blame on. I'm talented. No, no, no. I'm not.

You were saying that I've gotten better. Most of the things that we, we say it's this, it's almost always personal. It's a little slight, it's a micro slight, right? And you and I speak micro aggression, subtlety. It's all subtext. There's almost no text. It's all subtext.

So I figured there was a reason and i'm happy to hear what it was and i could tell you probably i don't remember the specifics but i knew that you were insecure about robbie and netflix and and i knew that it was a thing for you so i was trying to like usher it along so that you didn't get stuck in it that's interesting i never thought of it that way but i no longer have that insecurity yeah well that's the i will say and i've said this before the it's embarrassing how much success does help yeah it's weird yeah it's embarrassing because it shouldn't you hope it's like no i'm just a person that's separate it's weird yeah it's embarrassing because it shouldn't you hope it's like no i'm just a person that's separate it's all integrated and it's all like well don't you think that that's the case for i mean that's every every person i know everything yeah i've known people that were

like kind of poor and open micers and then they get success and i haven't seen them in three years they're just acting the same right but then i just perceived like they just there's just an error about them it's just because of things that i know that they're doing well yeah but there's a perception thing but there's also the thing from your point of view you've succeeded to the point where the voices in your head have lost credibility it doesn't make any sense yeah where it's like all right voice in my head you're fucking it doesn't make any sense it doesn't make any sense yeah where it's like all right voice in my head you're fucking it doesn't make any dumb it doesn't make any sense yeah yeah but it used to make sense to you probably there was times like when you didn't um cast me in your movie um yeah they're they're having the goods movie

a huge movie dr ken was i'm kidding i love dr ken i love ronnie chung i love jimmy yang i love annie wong i love aquafina i love all the Asians. We're all one happy family. That's a good way to end. Is there another one? Or is that the last one? No, I think that was the last one. How long do these go usually? Never on this.

How'd it go so far? It was great. I'm very happy with this. You were great. Because you were forthcoming. Okay. Santino was on here and similarly Emo.

And people were like shocked by it. I didn't know that he's not like that with other people he's like i thought he's not like that he's like that with me he's personal on the pod though not on the pod right that he was on the pod and he was personal so uh i like this because it was like um you know a lot of times when you're doing like these other pods you just have this, not pressure, but the cadence and the timing has to be a certain way, the energy. But with this, it felt a lot more like we're talking. And I could go longer, you know what I mean?

Because I've also discovered things about myself during this last hour that I've never really kind of thought about. Interesting. Like that thing at the end of my set like why do i do that so it's just something that i can like bring to my therapist and go this is what i do why do you think well it's probably a level of discovery with with success yeah but um but i've learned a lot and um listen dude um i honestly really do love you, man. Yeah. I really do.

Yeah. And I respect you. I think you're one of the best. And, you know, thanks for having me on. Thanks for coming, bro. Tell you what, if you shoot up the comedy store. Honestly, would I be on your list? Of people that I'm going to pop?

No. One of the guys that would shoot up a place no that's so unlike me right it's yeah it's way too computational way too confrontational yeah that's right i don't like confrontation you would sooner like commit suicide yeah and leave a very long passive aggressive note oh no that's not what I would do. What would you do? Everyone gets one. Fuck. What do you think? I'm going to just do a general

passive aggressive note? No. Neil Brennan will. You're absolutely right. It'd be a five page fucking thing. It's a two year process of writing this. Dude, I already have my plan when I die. If I die abruptly, that's one thing. I don't want to die that way.

But if somebody said, you're going to die in four months, right? Oh, you should see. I'll get my revenge. What do you got? That's another thing. Here's another thing. Vengeful? No.

Revenge fantasies. Oh. I mean, that's part and parcel of being a sore winner. I know, but it's like I had to stop doing it. Because I would lay in bed and go, this is what I would do to Neil if I made it. You know what I call it? What? Call it prevenge.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Prevenge fantasy for things that they haven't done yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're already fucking retaliating on a thing that they didn't do yeah why do you think we do that i don't know man like there's like this is so funny because all right i want to tell you something so when i was an open biker in san diego yeah you know darren carter the party starter party sir so i just call myself party and and ne Brennan. Right. But Darren Carter, 1995. In 1995, Darren Carter, the party star,

was a doorman at the La Jolla Comedy Store. Right? And I was an open mic-er. And one day he goes, Hey, man, so, you know, there's a show Friday night, you know what I mean, at a coffee shop.

Maybe I can try to get you in. I'll meet you there. I mean, you know, at the coffee shop. So there's this guy that runs a show. I want to say his name so in. I'll meet you there. I mean, at the comic show. So there's a guy that runs a show. I want to say his name so bad. I will. I will. His name is Scott.

Great. And then Darren goes up to, hey, Bobby's funny, right? And Scott goes, yeah, you do comedy. I go, yeah. He goes, well, you'll have to showcase. It was an open mic, by the way, because you have to showcase. I go, do I go up now? He goes, no, after the show.

He brings me to the parking lot. He leans against his car and he makes me do my set i'm an open mic by my do in the parking lot it was so humiliating i whatever you got planned i want to be a part of it already did it great so many many years later this is probably maybe five years ago, whenever Pauly's sister died, Sandy. So I knew that that dude would be at Sandy's... I knew that that dude would be at Sandy's comedy store like night or whatever. What do you call it? Awake? Yeah, comedy store night.

Comedy store, yeah. And I knew he would be there. So I told Kalilah, I go, get a tan and look as hot as fucking possible we did a whole outfit thing where i went i wore like shades you know i mean i had my fucking brand new fucking golden goose on i was i looked dope bro and i remember walking holding hands with kalilah look as hot as she's ever looked and i saw the dude at the bar and i don't know in my mind i could have read it

wrong but i remember him glancing over and looking at me he never said anything he didn't say hello or anything but i felt okay with that as a prevenger that sounds so gross i even did that no it's great that does sound gross no i i mean are people... How do you live then? I had to do it. You know what we do on this show? What? We shame shame. That's what I'm doing. Shame shaming, huh?

Yeah, we're shaming shame. Oh, I'm shame shaming. We're shaming our own shame. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm shame shaming myself. Take your shame and shame the shame. All right. You've never done anything like that? Bobby, I've never told a girlfriend to get a tan, but I'll tell you, here's how dumb most of our fantasies are.

After Half-Baked, I was supposed to write a movie with Jim Brewer and Tracy Morgan. I was writing a movie with Jim Brewer and Tracy Morgan. And I'm 23, 24, movie's not out yet. I'm writing a movie. And I'm writing with Brewer and Tracy. Movie's not out yet. I'm writing a movie. And I'm writing with Brewer and Tracy. It's not going great. I'm sort of like over.

I'm just being shitty. I'm probably not that good a writer. Whatever. Brewer gets me fired. Okay. This is in 1998. I love it. So this happens in 1998.

This is the first time I've been fired half-baked didn't do well i'm like reeling am i going to be able to be a writer without dave like it's reeling from this spinning out and i end up writing with whatever that part is fine but i'm fucking furious with brewer right like fuck him forever. Right? Yeah. In Montreal, where most things, horrible things happen. This is 2014, 2015. Yeah.

Which is 17 years later, 16, whatever. Yeah. A long, and I've, Brewer did Chappelle's show one time, and I was just kind of like, sort of tight. Right. And then i see him at montreal yeah and i'm on an elevator with him i'm tight i see tom papa later that day and he's like hey you all right i'm like yeah and i go why and he goes i saw brewer and he said you

were really tight with him you just got tight on the elevator and i was like yeah of course they'd be tight yeah so and he's like well why don't you like he's like talk to him it's brewer like you've known him forever this is whatever and so i'm like yeah all right i'll talk to him and i go talk to him and i go he's like why are you so tight and i was like or why were you so cold and i was like burt you got me fired from a movie. Yeah. In 1998. Like it was a huge, a universal studios movie. Yeah. And he's like,

I did. I was like, yeah. And he's like, I have no memory of that whatsoever. So I'm playing out this revenge fantasy. Still the revenge needed to happen just because he didn't

remember you had to fulfill your destiny alright I'm on your side on this you should have been cold and that you did the right thing I don't think you learned the right lesson from this Bobby it doesn't matter I'm on your side on that he needs to pay

you are 100 korean because this just got real korean just because he forgot but my point is you remember i'm like defined by a thing it's like hitler forgot he killed six million jews i don't care you did it that wasn't even an issue like he doesn't even remember doing i immediately for like beyond forgave him i just saw it as like the stupidity of me like the amount of bile that's being created in my body no no no no no no no no no no you think it's worthwhile it was so worthwhile yeah and you know what i'm glad you had the conversation later, but that, I don't know how long that took, maybe a day or whatever before the elevator and you actually talked to him.

How long was that? A day, maybe a day, right? Yeah. That day he deserved that day. I don't think. Yes, he did.

He cared. No, he did because he's like, how come you were cold? Because if Tom Papa, listen to that, look at me, I don't know.

You're in an elevator, right? If a random, not that Tom's like, how come you were cold? Because if Tom Papa, listen to me, you're in an elevator, right? If a random, not that Tom's random, but if a guy observes the coldness, that means... No, Brewer told him about it. Oh, so he wasn't in the elevator. No, Brewer was like, Neil was, so he noticed.

So if Brewer noticed, right? I respect you, man. What about the idea that maybe he was right to fire me? Or get me fired? To your thing of not having me on the podcast because I wasn't a good podcast. You know what I mean? To me, and this is...

No, no, no, that's not right. Okay. Because what should he have done? If he didn't like it. But it's also your Neil Brennan. didn't like it. If he didn't like working with me. But it's also you're Neil Brennan. I wasn't then. But you were always.

That's, we forget about that. We forget about that. You, listen, listen, okay? Not Spider-Man, because he got bit by the spider, so he wasn't always Spider-Man, right? But Superman was always Superman. Right. Even as a kid.

Don't fuck with him. He wasn't wearing the cape. He didn't have the fucking thing. You didn't even know who he was. Right? But you know what I mean? Don't fuck with Superman. You have every right to be mad.

You're a human being, dude. Yeah. And your feelings are your feelings. Yeah. Okay? And if you want to be cold to a dude, be cold to the dude. And this is recovered.

What? This is Bobby's recovery. No, you're right though i was allowed i should have been hurt i should have been mad i should have been sinister dude bro no i know you're not right but i'm saying like you know there was i'll be honest there was a guy at mad tv he was a producer and he would outwardly say that he doesn't think i'm funny right in front of you almost yeah and you could tell that he doesn't think I'm funny. Right. In front of you almost? Yeah. And you could tell that he didn't write for me or anything like that, right? And didn't campaign for me. And then over the couple of years I was kind of just weird with the guy. You know what I mean? Like I wouldn't, in fact I talked

about him in a magazine. He got mad because I mentioned his name on a magazine or whatever. And then four years later he was writing for me. Great shit. You know what I mean mean we became friends i love the guy but my point is is that i had every right to fucking feel the way i felt yeah okay yep you had every right to be mad at him yep thank you maybe we do the logo you