Blocks w/ Neal Brennan - Dan Soder: I Wish I Knew

Episode Date: September 17, 2026

Dan Soder returns to kick off the new I Wish I Knew premise on Blocks: the things people wish they'd figured out sooner.Dan gets into why being funny matters more for men than having abs, how cutting out industry middlemen is the best path to creative freedom, and why stealing from corporations is okay. In an update from his classic episode of Blocks, he shares how finding a letter from his sister changed the way he understood his dad leaving.Plus: exercise, eating, long butt cracks, hero worship, and how to not take everything personally. ---------------------------------------------------------- Subscribe to  ⁨@DanSoder⁩  -------------------------- Chapters 00:00 New format: I Wish I Knew 01:58 Cutting out the comedy middlemen 05:37 Stealing from Bed Bath & Beyond 09:43 Doing bits with customer service 14:47 Sponsor: BetterHelp 16:20 Sponsor: Superpower 19:10 Body image: just get in the pool 20:17 Friendship, Instagram & anxiety 25:03 Personality, abs & attraction 35:25 Sponsor: CookUnity 37:46 Sponsor: Mars Men 40:18 Exercise & getting older 42:42 Still being a comedy fan 46:58 Your heroes are just people 49:13 Dan’s dad & wanting approval 54:17 Finding his sister’s letter 57:26 Understanding your parents 59:51 Sponsor: ZBiotics 1:01:21 Taking things less personally 1:04:45 Why read the comments? 1:06:32 Healthy relationships & handling rejection 1:11:10 Being wrong & saying “my bad” 1:12:43 Weed & moderation 1:14:52 Wrap-up ---------------------------------------------------------- Follow Neal Brennan: https://www.instagram.com/nealbrennan https://twitter.com/nealbrennan https://www.tiktok.com/@mrnealbrennan Watch Neal Brennan: Crazy Good on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/81728557 Watch Neal Brennan: Blocks on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/81036234 Theme music by Electric Guest (unreleased). Edited by Will Hagle ---------------------------------------------------------- Sponsors: Visit https://www.BetterHelp.com/NEAL for 10% offHead to https://www.Superpower.com & use code NEAL for $50 offGo to https://www.CookUnity.com/NEAL or use code NEAL before checkout for 50% off your first weekHead to https://www.Zbiotics.com/NEAL and use code NEAL for 15% off your first order Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Guys, hi, Neil Brennan. We're switching the premise of this podcast. It's not a big switch, but I wanted to have my friends back, and I had already done it. So we changed, here's the new premise. I wish I knew or things I, 2020 hindsight, if I'd only known, we're going to, we need a title. I may call it who knew. Who knows? But it's things we wish we'd known.

You know what I mean? And, uh, and a guy that I thought would be a dynamite kick. off for the new premise because he ripped it when it was called blocks. Sister died and his dad died. Who can forget it? And then his mom died eventually. No, not yet. She's still holding on.

Don't do that. You don't you fucking kill her off on your podcast. You didn't hear? So you wish you knew your mom died before you do this podcast. Yeah. Oh my God. What a bummer to find out? I'm being awful.

A five camera shoot. But I mean, you want to talk about that's good for 40,000 downloads from me. I'm going to monetize your mom's death when it happens. I'm going to release her. I'm doing a re-release. The death cut. Anniversary Re-release. Anyway, he's got a, he's, he's doing it.

He's one of them, I think, probably the most successful internet transition comedians. He did an HBO special. He did a Netflix half hour. Yeah. And then he was like, this is stupid. Let me just do funny stuff on other people's podcasts and on my podcast and on Punch Up, his, the website. Yeah, punchup. Live. Where he does live, you know, he does movie watches and stuff.

I never invited me, don't worry about it. I'll do that. I would love to do a movie watch. You know what I would do with you? I want to do the movie you directed. No, yeah, you're right. You can't make fun of something that you created. That is kind of fucked up.

I'll find something across. I created to big word. Anyway, it's Dan Soder, ladies and gentlemen. Please clap. That is the internet transition thing. I was like, where are you going to go with this? No, no, I called you. I texted you.

I think I called him. It was like, hey, man. Because I think about you on my I had a certain mind I was like what's gonna happen to soda? Because you were fucking really good But it was like you were seen you were on serious you were like doing I had a great 2004 career in 2019. Yeah, right so it was so yeah and you and then you were finally like then COVID I was like what the fuck Bonfire was still fucking awesome. It's still fun of shit to do but after a while I was just kind of like Why am I it? It felt like a day job you want to start talking about things you wish you knew you don't owe the industry anything. And they say that clearer.

You don't owe the industry anything. You don't own these people have jobs because of what you make. So once you realize that, you just cut them out there. You shouldn't be getting notes from someone that you don't creatively agree. Doesn't know how to write jokes. That you don't creatively agree with. Because some people don't know how to write jokes, but creatively they make, they make very excellent points.

But sometimes people give you notes and you go, How the fuck did you get here? Yeah. So know that. So you realize like cut out any middlemen. You don't have to go to after parties. That's all middlemen. You don't have to go to any of these things.

It's middlemen. It's find a platform that you can put your stuff on, find out how to make that stuff, put it on that platform. That's where we're at right now. I've been saying we're all the My Pillo guy now. Yeah. Hello, I'm Mike Lindell, inventor of My Pillo. That's hilarious.

Well, Mike Lindell. Yeah, I'm just slapping stuff on the side and go, These jokes. Yes. They block water. It's all what they call DTC, direct to consumer. It's, there is no Netflix and age. All these people are like the last stop.

It's the Pele playing in America. Yeah. If you could go back in time and have like a hood and then you like revealed older Neil to young 17 year old. This is what the whole premise of the show is about. But you're at the Boston Comedy Club, right? You would go, Byron Allen owns it all. And you'd go, what do you mean?

He owns the weather. he owns late night he owns it all and you just realize you go because they were playing the right game you know and it was like Andrew Schultz was way ahead of the curve he was like what am i doing i'll just put the clips out and then people can see me and then they'll just buy tickets and he skyrocketed and like all the rest of us were like damn Schultz was right yeah and you just start doing that and you go oh i'll just you love it when Schultz is right though yeah makes you feel good yeah he's very cool no it actually had a conversation with him about it where i was like i was great in terms of telling people how to do it. I would, he gives advice that's actually. He told he called me. Yeah. He's like,

what did he say? He's like, you have to, every clip has to start with a close up of you. The thumbnail has to be a close up of you centered, which is like, I'm a director. I didn't think about that. He, yeah, it was really one conversation I went, ah, man, and I even admitted to him, like, I was wrong because I was like, oh, no, the people at Comedy Central have my interests. Yeah. They care about me as a person. And then like HBO, I busted my ass on a special. I think came out fantastic. Ryan Storer directed it. He did an awesome job. You know, Bo and Gerard Carmichael produced it. I was very happy with it. It did really well. And then COVID comes out and I write a new hour and I go to HBO and HBO goes, we're looking for comics that have a message now. And I went,

I don't even know what that means. Yeah. So then you just turn around, you put it on YouTube and people go like, hey, I never saw you before. And you're like, oh yeah. Because this is a thing where you just can share it for free. Yes. And then now my touring is better than it's ever been. And it's like, oh, I'm just doing stand-up the way I wanted it. Yeah. You don't realize this.

What's the applicable lesson for people not in comedy? Because I agree with you. It's one of the things I sent you. Don't feel bad stealing from a corporation. Have, okay. There's this idea that happened, and it was the Democrats that did it, where they did a lot of policy that they started treating companies like people and saying, I mean, that's Mitt Romney's quote.

Corporations are people, my friend. Sure, but it was also like, you look at a lot of legislation. It's also literally the law. Yeah, it's like that they changed. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. And it's like all these people that think politics, one side's different than the other. It's like, they're all trying to do the same thing. It's just get corporations where they don't get in trouble for going, we're not going to pay you.

You can fuck off. And you just don't realize that. These companies build up and up and up, and they don't give a shit about you. And when I was young and I worked at like bedbath and beyond, or I worked. How long do you work? You have some of the great. I worked there for seven and a half months saving up money to move here. Great.

And I stole a lot, but I felt bad. But I would have stole. What'd you steal? I stole a bunch of, a lot of stuff was food that I was just eating while I was stocking, because I was in the back. I mean. But I took a lot of sheets, some Egyptian cotton sheets. What kind of threat count we told? 800.

Fucking Christ. This guy belongs in jail. Sleep at life. Sleep in silk, baby. Are you bringing, you unboxed them in Denver? No, this was an event. when I lived in Tucson and I would just unload trucks and you know and then so you used them in the trucks you used them in Tucson you didn't leave them in the in the

cat packaging for near your big New York trip no no no I I busted him right out I busted him right at the floor on that bed I fucking put him right on nicest thread count you have ever seen on a mattress on the floor that's great it was sweet and sour that's exactly what it was and I took a the big thing that I like felt bad for a a little bit, but then I still fucking have it, was a memory phone pillow. And it was just like, the top. You would say to a girl, you're in trouble, you're in trouble.

She lays down, you're in heaven. Yeah, dude. It was a futon in Hoboken. And I brought it out and that was the pillow I had when I first moved here. And I was like, sure, my body's a wreck, but my neck and head are well supported. Fuck.

It was great. But I felt bad. And then as I got older, I was kind of like, these corporations don't give a shit about you. And that's actually, I think, a lesson corporation need to learn where it's like you're not going to have any good employees because there's such a distance between like this is what i always say like when katie's with me and something goes wrong with a big corporation his uh my fiance uh the great katie nolan i'll say truly the great katy nolan fantastic

emmy award winning i'll go this happened to me at hurts where i showed up at hurts right and i'm going to pick up my car over here in the lower east side and they're like the lady goes you're 14th in line it's two and a half hours and i'm driving up to albany yeah i'm like i got to go up there i got a show I go, I got to get a car. She goes, it's like two and a half hour wait. And instead of getting mad at this lady that's getting paid $9 an hour to sit in a box in a parking garage, I go, get me Mr. Hertz on the phone right now. And she, like, looked at me and I was like, I'm fucking around.

Like, that's just how far away from that we are. Yeah. No one owns, there is no Mr. Hertz. You couldn't even get to the people. You couldn't. It's a call center in Bangladesh. I know because I called to get a refund. And it was like.

And you also worked there after. Yeah. And then I'm also, I booked it. So Dan live in Bangladesh. It's come, but it's one of those things where you're like, it's such a disconnect that no corporation is owned by a person. So you should not, you're not stealing from a person. You're stealing from a collective group of people that look at numbers.

A bunch of contracts. Yes. You're looking at people that are looking at a spreadsheet. You're stealing from a spreadsheet. And they're insured for it. Yeah, they don't care. Yeah. Fucking steal there. It's a rounding error. And it's a call it.

Exactly. And they don't really care. So my point is until they're going to treat up. They have to say, the woman you were dealing with, has to, she, everyone's hands are tied, including the CEO, which is, it makes it extra wormy? Yes, because you go, so who are you tied to? My stockholders. Well, I've got to board me.

Yeah, I've got, and it's like, so it makes no one responsible and everyone gets to be a cocksucker. Everyone gets to be a cocksucker and nothing gets done. Yeah. And nothing gets done also to add on to this lesson, like a sub lesson that I've learned is learn that when you're talking on the phone to people, these people really don't have, they're not hurting you.

They're not there to steal from you. They're just trying to make it through the day. And if you are, if you treat them like that, you will get a lot farther. Yeah. If you start joking around and you go, who do you hate? Which manager do you hate right now that's watching you look? I can't say that. I'm being recorded.

And you go, I understand that. Maybe we take this offline after you really tell me about Jake. You know, who does your scheduling? And they're immediately like, oh, this guy's talking to me. Because that's almost gone. Be ready. That's gone. That's what AI is replacing.

AI is replacing people in call centers. A. Relationships. They don't want you to have a community because then they can go like... We're going to die a tiny death, not being able to do bits with AI. Oh, my God. A tiny... I mean, by the way, I'm bombing.

That's like part of my super strikes. I bomb 70% of the time. With AI? No, no, no. With doing bits to waiters, wage... That's fine, because the 30 that hit... Never forget. You never forget.

And also, as a former waiter, when people would do bits with me, made my day. made my day made my next table where they wouldn't make eye contact with me I go 346 and I had a fucking thing where I don't need you I don't need I don't need chemistry with you I actually knew which tables I liked if I was I used to do this thing when I worked to dos Caminos on 50th and third it was a giant cafe on 50th Street right a lot of businessmen a lot of like huge lunches that's why I worked there you do like you'd walk with a hundred on lunch even if you didn't close so We had water pitchers in these metal things.

And, you know, it's outside the sun. So it's getting hot, so we'd have to put napkins over. So I would do this thing where I would do fake magic tricks where I would like go to get water and then I'd go like, like the reveal. Like if whoever was walking by, I didn't give a shit. Whoever was walking by, I'd go like, like that and I'd show the water pitcher. And if a table laughed at that, that was my table, I'd be like, oh, you're getting.

What were they get? What do they get? They just get, I'm making sure your food is there on time. I'm refilling your chips. I'm refilling your drinks. Me and you were having jokes. This is, we're on a date. We're on a date. And I'm like trying to impress you.

I'm not trying to get your pussy. I'm trying to get that money. And a lot of times... That wallet pussy. That wallet pussy. That wallet pussy. I want that leather pussy. That wallet.

But it would be a thing where you immediately have good humor in nature with him. One time I made this guy laugh that wasn't even my table because I was like, one of his waitress was all stressed out. And she was like, Dan, can you want to be. water the tables or whatever and I was like hello 242 it's better while and I was like just like doing like rock star voice yeah and the guy was like that's hilarious and then I was like oh cool and then I watched them treat her better because they were like actually did you

guys pull tips no and I didn't care but she bought me a beer after work which was always like that's what that was worth it 18 years later still remember mm-hmm he remembers a bit remembers what the reward yeah I do remember the reward I remember the little pellet here's a here's my here's my number one waiter bit. Yeah. I'm going to tell you what I'm ordering, and you know, I spend if any food and allergies? Yeah.

Could I get a, could I get a BLT? Any allergies on that? Yeah, I'm allergic to bacon, lettuce, and tomato. Okay, well, we're going to have a problem. That's my bit. Yeah, if you're stressed out as a waiter, not a good bit. If you're stressed out as a waiter, you go like this. Yeah, okay, I got it.

So what do you actually want? It bombs 80% of the time, but 20%. You go, brother, I got double sat. What the fuck do you want for me? See, I don't even know the lingo. There was one time where I ruined my comedy autism fucked it up with the table

where a guy was trying to retell an Eddie Murphy bit and it was driving me insane at the computer and he was like doing it and I go it's his dad that's drunk it's not his uncle that's drunk I'm sorry it's like the closer it's like you should know that it's his dad that's drunk it's map and I was like doing the slur thing

and the guy goes oh okay and I went it's actually a step down he doesn't call it that but it's I know in real well you actually know the Murphy's that is funny you correct me and then I show him on my He's not his biological dad. He's not actually.

And that's crazy. Did you meet Eddie's, like, family? I mean, I know his brother. I know Charlie, but I know his other brother, Varen. That's crazy. I've never known that there was a third brother. Yep. He kind of looks like Stephen A. Smith.

And he just is like, yeah, Eddie Murphy's my brother. Yeah, Vern. That's sick. And the uncle. Oh, yeah. And his cousin. But his uncle's great, because his uncle's on all these old talk shows that Eddie got famous.

Now, this man has never danced to step in his life, but I bet that somewhere in his bones, he's got dancing rhythm. Probably. I got my first rhythm from the whip. Great news. The federal EV rebate is back. Eligible customers get up to $5,000

with the federal EVAP rebate on select 2027 volt and 2026 Equinox EV models. Visit your local Chevrolet dealer today for more details. It's one of those Dick Cavett shows where he's like, and this is Eddie's uncle. And he's like, I don't know, man. He's funny.

He's got his like shirt. tucked in and he's like, yeah, he's funny. I don't know. I dropped the truck. So? Yeah. I can love it. He's like, just a Brooklyn black dude. Like, yeah, I don't know, man. Okay. We've got another one. Yeah. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Guys, if you could wake up tomorrow and be better at one thing, what would that one thing be? What would it be? I would be less, I still get a little snippy sometimes. Just, you know what I mean? I'm holding a grudge. You know, you've heard my problems.

bit grudge, it'll fester, it'll come out sideways, not about the thing I'm actually mad about it'll be about like, whatever, where's my gum? Whatever, I have a pretty real problem with like gum. So that's kind of my biggest issue, it's just overall snippiness. Although better than, better than it's been, it's never perfect and you can always improve. My point is better is a feeling which is defined by you. And for BetterHelp, it's a Better Help therapist who really gets you.

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You know what they are? Now you're like, maybe I should do it. Just do it. Do it. Better help. Superpower. What do I think of it? Great question.

Okay. Guys, I've been vegan a long time. People think forever. It feels like forever. It's almost 20 years. Thank you. Thanks for asking. And, you know, sometimes I'll do

heavy supplements. We'll leave it at that. And so there's a couple of reasons you've got to get a blood test, and that's all expensive, right? It's way too expensive. You've got to go to an official doc. You've got to go to the...

It's just way more trouble than it's worth, and then you got to get the... They email you, then you have to call... It's just a nightmare. They call it concierge service, which is just a rich, rich term, which anybody ever used to concierge in life? Anyway, this is a concierge, but it's like for the rest of us kind of thing.

Like, okay, so here's the thing with superpower. Either they'll send a licensed professional to your house, like a, or you can go to a nearby lab. That's more convenient. They draw a little bit of blood, and they do all the tests. They screen you in a, like, very significant way. vitamins, minerals, LD, all the stuff, you're like, oh, what's that? I should look at that.

This is that test. This is the test you should take. This is it. And then they'll give you an actionable health protocol based on your results. They'll give supplement recommendations, prescription suggestions, which you can buy right through their app. So it's like you don't have to go anywhere else. It's not a nightmare. You don't have, it's on the app. It's not, You don't have to go, you don't have to drive to Santa Monica, which is what I have had to do in the past. You don't got to do that. They'll get your biological age. They tell me I'm 14.

And it integrates your past medical history, old labs, and incorporates your family history, like cancer or other hereditary risk, if you tell them to, in terms of, like, their protocol recommendations. It's good. It's not expensive in terms of how these things go normally. and it's like it's fair it's economical it's streamlined it's efficient you don't have to drive around you don't check emails you don't have to call the guy you don't you don't have to then pay after like oh let me get bill it's just let me just do the call to action would you take control of your health with superpower for a limited time our listeners get 50% off their superpower membership so head over to superpower dot com and use code any al for $50 off and as you're you to you're

you sign up, they'll ask you how you heard about superpower. Tell them Neil sent you to support the show. I'm Neil. Superpower. It's good. For real. These are all like eating. Yeah, I like to eat. Here's one. So what if you're out of shape? So you don't, so you thought that a person should be in shape. I regret how much I didn't take my shirt off and go swimming or go to the beach or just just enjoy the outdoors because I was worried that my body wasn't great looking. And in reality, I look back to that and I go, you were fine. Yeah. You should have been fine.

You should have just gone to the beach, gone swimming more. There were like vacations where I was like, ah, I'll just chill. Ah, you know what? Yeah. And it's like, dude, take your shirt off, go swimming, like have fun. No one cares. No one cares as much as you think they care. No one cares.

About about anything. Anything. No one cares. No one's watching you, dude. I've said it before. I said it before. I say, we're all, I like you. Yeah.

I have a relationship with you. Yeah. I think about you absent-mindedly every so often. But not much. Yeah. That's what it is. It's like, we're all just flying past each other's windshields. Can I also tell you that's also a problem that social media has done is you get angry at friends when you think they're not thinking of you.

and no one is thinking of you. It's like stop being mad at your friends for not thinking of you. Will you ever hear people talk about you on a podcast? And you're, but you're like, I don't like this. Yeah. I don't like this tone. We're overexposed to everybody.

And that's not how humans are supposed to be. Humans are supposed to be like bumping into the grocery store being like, holy shit. How the fuck you do it? I saw Sean Patton last night. I haven't seen him in fucking months. Yeah. And there genuinely was a moment where I was like,

fuck yeah. How are you? Well, it were all just five. in each other's like that's it in like the the shirts in a closet we december yes it's like you're in a closet files you're not mad at your other shirts no but you go oh fuck gray that's exactly yeah i love gray button what are you doing great button and it's oh got a nice button you i got a gray button down it's got a white button that's fantastic i forgot about it and i saw it the other time i was like fucking gray button when it gets cold out and you bump into an old hoodie

And you go, motherfucker, I haven't seen you since February. You know what I mean? You put it on. You go, this is fucking great. That's what friendships are supposed to be. That's what it's supposed to be. It's supposed to be like, holy shit, I haven't fucking seen you. I was actually thinking about one of your bits the other day.

And you go, oh, this is great. Whereas Instagram goes, why aren't you fucking thinking of me? Yeah. Why the fuck? I check my story. Yeah. I'm not thinking about you. Yeah.

You put something out? I didn't repost it. I didn't promote your thing. Yeah. We're all mad at each other for not promoting each other. this is politics yeah and I need you as it out get in the comment section and stab people and you go I'm taking a dump and I like I've taken Instagram off my every morning I download it I check my DMs I post like about shows and I deletered

off and I've seen so many podcasts where people do that I'm actually walking the walk and I'll tell you right now my anxiety is so much lower my anger everybody says it So much lower. Everybody says they're going to do it. Everybody. You just have to make it, if you cannot download it at all, because the good thing on Instagram, it's a garbage. On desktop, it's garbage.

It's you can't even do certain stuff. No, they want to click it in the app? Yeah, like, right. But look, we can keep doing it this way. It's like you're in a business meeting with your penis out. They're like, what do you do it? Put it away. We're at a desk right now.

Jesus Christ. You go, I like it like this. Better. I mean, it's better for my mental health. But it is, it's, for me, what it is is I, if I forget to download it, or if I forget to erase it, I'm like, oh, bitch, you still, it's like killing a spider. I know, no, no, no, no, I'm talking to my third page. Yeah. And then I, I, it just, because I was noticing, especially when I was on planes and shit, that I was just like sitting there for a second and then going through the same loop of going app to app to app.

And then I watched an old lady do it in front of me. And it made me sick. Like, physically made me be like, I watched her drive her algorithm. She went, Facebook, Twitter, Facebook, email, face. And she was looking at garbage. Tucker clips, baby pictures, Twitter, her responding on like Etsy. She was responding. Commenting on a post on Etsy.

And here's what flipped me. Flaming motherfuckers on X. Queers. It was just like watching her timeline. You were like it was we were flying to Houston old white lady hair and you just saw her go on the Facebook Trump memes Twitter it was just like this and I went like Yeah, that fucked me up. I was watching her while we were deplaning. I was watching her go through and I went you know that fuck me up I don't and then I noticed I was like I do the same cycle I go email Instagram

Uh fucking Reddit Instagram email and it's like yeah what am I doing nothing's changing I had a clip go go do well I didn't know about it yeah for it it was I didn't know about it for three weeks how great is that it was it was it was it's almost like finding money in your probably like oh I just made money on Facebook

because those ones you checked that only have 949 likes and you go oh how dare you go that one really I checked one where I go I was a banger let's check back oh oh I'm sorry hey I shouldn't have maybe I shouldn't come here Maybe I shouldn't have posted.

I got a post later. That's what it turns on to do. That's what it was wrong time of the day. Okay. So you were, you thought, well, okay, well, we're talking about being in shape. Sure. I believe that most of a man's value in attraction is, it's all in our head. It's literally from the neck up.

We get away with, we get away with just neck up. It's it. Like women, and women get away, some get away just neck down. It's like, some women get away just neck down. But. But that's a lot. more real estate than what we have we can cover it up we I genuinely feel bad for women that they all it's always a reveal in a surprising way like most men know what kind of women like what bodies

women have when you're seeing yes you go I can tell by the clothes yeah how you're dressed I can kind of tell what your body is level of comp how entitled you are men they go I don't know it's just a mystery box. Yeah. The body, the penis, everything they're looking at, they go, I genuinely don't shirt. But we, I guess their vaginas of mystery box. Yeah, but it's really like. And length of butt crack. He's crazy. I never thought about that. Because sometimes you get a long butt crack and you go, this is nuts. Did you get extra butt? I would rather have a long one than a short one in a woman. Oh, well, yeah, like a little alien butt. Oh. Like, uh, you know, they like photoshopped Yoko Onos, that picture of John Lennon and Yoko and they like made Yoko's butt like

this big in your I mean two of the worst worst spots but I mean just but naked an insult to nakedness it's a great picture for me that always reminds me of remember black lives matter when everyone put those black squares up and you go oh that did it yeah um there's a picture people haven't had a problem so oh yeah it's been fucking smooth sailing for black people's sense um there's a picture of John and Yoko when they were doing that like naked in bed protest and it's them waiting for the maid to make the bed and they just holding pillows that picture to me every time I say that says says more than anything that's the most perfect any song any all we're saying good piece oh you're done

yeah no we got snow you left the ashtray can you make can you make a towel into an elephant yeah I wouldn't mind seeing I wouldn't mind come and seeing a bird on the little chocolate you have little chocolate no the milk one not the dark one yeah no no you go likes milk chocolate yeah not dark chocolate that's that's good for digestion Yeah, so women, I don't think women care. Here's the other thing. Okay, so. I think they do to a, I think they do to a certain extent.

I don't think you can be like a sloping piece of shit. I think you can be like soft. Do you remember when no one believed women when they were saying they like dad mods? Do you remember when men just flat out were like, you fucking lying horse? Uh-huh. They were telling the truth. I think what they meant is like, they don't care as much. They don't care as much as we do.

Like, you can have a soft belly and like if you have good shoulders. You know what I mean? Women will key in on a hands or a wrist or a shoulder or a neck or an ear or like a weird, a calf. We need a car off the lot. We need a brand new car from the factory. It's tight. It's never been driven. Zero mileage.

Women will buy a used car. I'm doing the unit. Yeah. That smell. Women go, what does that got on it? 40,000? Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, that's a good car.

It's like, oh, it's a 2021. Yeah, where men would go, I need a 2027. I'm not going to drive that. And women go, oh, that 2021 is like still nice. It's got Apple car play. But I think the bigger point is that for a woman, there is no 2027. All the guys that are really ripped are gay. Yeah, I know.

Isn't that crazy? Did you see the look of satisfaction? If you're listening to this, go on YouTube, watch the look of satisfaction on Soder's face when I said, all the ripped guys are gay. He really, like, he lit up. Yeah, they are. He really, like. Because this is where the lesson comes from because I always saw those guys and I was like, damn, they're just grabbing all the pussy.

And then they go, they don't even kind of want it. Also, I think part of this, like I wish I knew was I wish I knew that my personality for most women is a lot better than abs. It's not a lot. It's they don't. Here's the other thing about abs. You know how fucking boring people with abs are? You know how much what you have to do to get abs? Yeah.

You have to just eat chicken. You have to do meal prep. Oh, my God. On Sunday nights, babe. Yeah. And you have to work your abs an hour a day. And you just start talking about your abs in the gym and meal prep. And we got to go get food.

And I don't like this protein powder. And I got to go to the bathroom. You know how I am. And like, they're incredibly vain. Yeah. Yeah. And it is all surface level. Yes.

Because then you go after that, you go, that's the crazy part about nutting. Is you nut and you go, I don't even care about most of this. When they come to repossess your car, you can't go, babe, show them your abs. Do the thing. Do the John Baystow. Do the slight turn. Uh-huh, the three-quarter. I'll tell you what, Paris Hilton took the John Baystow and ran with it.

She did the John Baystow on the three-quarter. I mean, it's John Baystow. The turn? You know what I'm talking about. I know exactly what you're talking about. He had that weird old man face, but action figure body. Absolutely. It's the three, you never turn directly to camera.

You're always at three-quartered show me. You'd go like this and you go, how many muscles does he have? Oh, shout out John Bastow. Fitness celebrity, John Bastow. So they don't care. Yeah. And here's the other thing about, but now, but you say that, but a woman's body, I don't want to get too, I don't want to park the car too long on this, but is kind of important.

And then I'm, do you agree? Yes. To assert, yes, I can't lie. Yeah. I can't like, I would just be fucking straight up lying. It does matter. Yeah. It does matter.

And we got a lot of nerve saying that it matters. We're not two guys that... No, I'm actually in decent shape. Okay. Keep, get away. I should not be saying this. Get your hands off, man. His pile of marshmallows should not be saying this.

But I think it's like that sounds bad face value. It sounds sexist, but it's just what it is. That's just what it is. I wish I could live in a house without air conditioning. Unfortunately. I need AC. Kidneyed A.C. I can't eat A.C.

I just need like, I love Katie more than anything. Absolutely. Even if we got like, if she got big now, I would love her, but I would suddenly drop Jim Hints, maybe have a lot more celery dinners. Sure. You know? It would just be like a thing like that, but like, did you see the thing with Pierce Brosnan? His wife is bigger now.

Yeah. She's like older and she's like 75. People drag her out. Yeah. And Pierce was like, she's the mother. of my four children and like they're like look how hot she used to be and he's like yeah it's just like age and like that's the appropriate thing yeah you just go like bodies are important to fall in love with to get you in the door once you're in the

door if you follow now but Dan I'm not I think Pierce Brousen's wife is I don't I don't think that's a good because she really she actually looks good to me she does she's thick she's thick with that's what I'm saying but that's also getting older yes Getting older is like... Also, what does Pierce Brosnan need is why... It's like at this point, Pierce Broson is the Pierce Broson of that relationship. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Like, he's always been the trophy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So... I'm the hot one. He's always been a hot one. That's what he says. You're like, guys...

My wife's biggie goes, I'm hot. Guys, I've never... I haven't seen my wife. I look in the mirror. I look at family photos. It's just a photo of me. He goes, I look in the mirror and I nut. I go, oh.

Oh. I can't fuck my wife. I're not it. I'm walking around in that. Oh. If you want a kid, you better collect some of this. Oh. So, but I think there's a level of respect.

I'm not directly talking to Katie, if she wants to take this message. You got to keep the, there's a level of respect for your partner. So that is true and she sees me go through that because I go like, I don't know. Like I had a moment recently where I was just really honest with her and I was like, I feel fucking gross with my shirt off and I don't want to be around you with my shirt off because I feel gross. And she was so sweet about it. She was and it's like that where she's like I gotta go to the gym this is this but I still love like I'm like now I'll point out parts

So I go this though Yeah, yeah, and you go like I love this shit You got a great ass great ass You do stuff like that that's what a relationship is where she'll be like okay like you know Like after I said that a week later she's like shoulders looking good and you're like yeah, thank you You really do though even though you don't want to admit it as a guy you go like Huh I've been doing upright rows

I've been doing upright rows times a week and I've really somebody noticed this and also I've been having less dessert so thank you but it is like I wish I you get at the gym I have to get on an elevator I just wish I knew that more like when I was younger because I would have just been like jump in the pool yes and I'd also like to point out this is for both men and women when you're having sex with somebody you it's beyond a close up you're eating like this yeah that's exactly right you're not taking a picture of your go on video you're just going like too it's just go like Soters forcing his face into the

table you just go this is so this is so fucking good and you go I'm up in this match yeah you're never you never get a wide can I tell you that was like when I first started having sex that was like the thing that blew me away was like I can't see anything I'm just like in this bitch I know it's like the same way you feel like when you're like it's almost like karaoke where you go oh I I've never felt like this before people that are comfortable doing it for the first time yeah you're like I I'm getting mauled by this experience I'm getting mauled that's the best one right to put you fucking mauled by an experience or like a wave that's what happened

in sex you're like oh I can't see any you can't see any you can't first five years of stand-up is you go like this and coming out of the water and you're like yeah trying to grab the side of like yeah oh and that's why people that are like naturally good at this you're like they just jump in and they're like just kick your legs yeah like Chappelle's like yeah yeah and you go no you don't understand it's hard I got ah ah blah blah blah blah blah blah there's my line, my opening line. Look to the right. Look to the...

Our voices. I could do a voice. It's just fucking brutal. That's sex, too. And that's another one of my points follows that, which is... Guys, you know, I can go either way on meals. Sometimes I, sometimes I rhyme slow, sometimes I rhyme quick. Sometimes I don't mind a long meal. Other times I just want to, like, get it. But I do not like bad food.

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Ask you where you heard about them. Please support the show and tell them we sent you. Blocks. I wish I knew. Neil. Whatever. Neil Brennan. Okay.

Thanks. I wish I knew. Exercise is uncomfortable. Get comfortable with that. Just exercise. Yeah. Just exercise. Because you get your 40s.

And all of a sudden you start, it's the Louie joke. When he goes in, he goes, your ankle, he goes. And the doctor, he brings me and he shows me an x-rearie in my ankle. He's like, yeah, your ankle's just worn out. He's like, you're 40. What do you want? Your in in is fucked. Yeah.

And you go, man, if I would have became comfortable just base level exercise, every day I go up, I do fucking, even if it's like I did 30 and I just ran for a little bit. Yeah. Your body is so much in your, it's teeth health and body health. When you start hitting your 40s and 50s, you're like, I wish in my. Were you a tooth, you took care of your teeth or no? No, not really, but I'm okay. I don't get a lot of, like, I smoked.

I drank a lot, but I've always consistently You were also anorexic, which really, which really, that acid, really, the bile really built. But it was, I like, just, if I would have just became comfortable with a baseline of exercise, I think a lot of- You just did nothing. For like years, for like 23 to like 32. Yeah. Just like little to no exercise. Then in my 30s, like 32 to like,

38 I exercised every day. I ate right, all this stuff. And then I saw the benefits. And then after COVID, I gave it up. And now I'm back in it. And I'm like, I should have taken those four years off. Like shit hurts more. My shoulder, shit hurts in a way that I was like, if I wouldn't have stopped, I would have been okay. And so you, you feel like you can't get that time back? You can't get that time back. But now I know, well, shit, imagine how I'm going to feel in 10 years. Imagine how I'm going to feel in 20 years. So now do it. Because I'm thinking of like, feel. 53 year old me, 63 year old me being like, I'm glad I fuck it. This is a lesson where now I'm gonna pick it up because I am.

I'm like, you know. Well, there is that thing of like as bad as you think you look now. It's the best you're ever gonna look. This is the youngest you're ever gonna be. Yeah, and you're gonna look back at pictures and go. Oh my God, yeah. Yeah. So, and it's also like, um, that's what I'm doing it for.

It's like because of like the premise of this podcast. Like I, when I'm 53, I bet I would have been like, dude, I stuck with it. I stuck with fucking extra. How? How do you tell how would you have told yourself though? That's that's kind of the other part of the podcast. It's like we all know what we're supposed to do, but how do you convince yourself?

It's the way that I phrased it. Have you convinced yourself of anything in your life? Uh, yeah. I mean, that I'm an alcoholic, like, you know, that I want to do stand-up. Yeah. There's a ton of stuff. Like I moved to New York City without, I knew one person. Yeah.

I just wanted to do stand-up and I convinced myself. I was like, this is the route to go. Yeah. And it was. Because I was. such a comedy fan and I was such into comedy that I had to move to New York and become completely immersed in. Yeah. And kind of give your give up. I just gave up and gave in. It was like, all right, well, I'm a waiter and I'm going to do stand-up at night. But there were little things, uh, meeting you.

I remember when I met you at fucking, uh, Comedy Village in the West Village is when you started doing, when you really started doing stand-up hard in like 0-7 and you were just around. And I remember this lady was running a show and she like was like, told you there was a cover. And I pulled her aside. I go, that's fucking Neil Brennan. It's like the. It's like the. co-creator of Chappelle Show. And then she act like she knew you. She was like, oh, Neil, come on in. You want to do a spot?

And I was like, smoking a cigarette out. I was like, you fucking lion-ass bitch. I believed it. I believed it all. There were moments of like, I remember the first time Chris Rock did a drop and set at Stand Up New York and just watching him walk by me as a comedy fan, like in the flesh. I was like, oh, shit, this fucking Chris Rock.

And you're like watching him work a bit. You and I was actually thinking about this too. You and I have this in common, which is like, we're comedy fans almost to our detriment mm-hmm I have very yeah I have you talk about you'll talk about shows you were on you talk about Shane show at Massacre Garden like like and then

so and I'm just like you were on the fucking show too dude but I was so that lineup was so fucking crazy to go it went me Che a tell Louis Shane and I was like just as a comedy fan yeah but yeah but like but you're on the show I told Katie it felt like there was It felt like being in the All-Star game when they used to have the Unis or whatever. And I'm looking over and just Jordan's just like at the top of the key with his hands on his knees. And I'm like, I'm running wing.

Yeah. And Jordan's. Yeah. Like, you know what I mean? I feel like I was. I mean, there's plenty of people to think I'm cocky, but like, I think I was overly deferential to people in comedy because no one is anymore. What do you mean? Like no one's.

I'm like, huh, ha, ha, ha. Yeah. Still. Like, I see Romano when I'm still like, oh. Yeah, yeah. Meanwhile, no one else gives a shit. I think you're wrong. I think there's a lot of younger...

Not specific about right, but I'm saying. Yeah, but I mean like younger... There are younger comics that really give a shit about this. And they go like, you'd, I fuck it. I used to watch you do this. Yeah, there are a few, but it seemed like it used to be everyone, and now it's a few. Well, what happened to comedy is we inherited all the MTV VJs. And then we inherited all the people that were going to be DJs.

But then now we inherited all the social media influencers that agents go, you can make a a shit ton of money if you just go say you're doing stand-up. You don't even have to do stand-up. So we got all these people clogging the works. There's no like the real ones still give a shit. The people that like love stand-up, they'll come up to you and be like, I love stand-up, I love this bit and they know it in the way that I, when I fucking, in 2012, when I talked to Chappelle and Chappelle was like, all right.

And I was like, and I know this bit. And he was like, okay. But it's also like with Louie, with Burr with like, you know, Attell. Like it, how long I had to know Dave Attell before I would stop bringing you. up stuff that he's done. Yeah. That you go, he just wants to be Dave. He doesn't want to be.

But I love that I... Yeah. I love that I found... I'm saying it like it's negative. It probably isn't. No, I think it's the definition of being lucky, of being able to do a thing that you love and still keeping you love for.

Yeah. Because you just go, what am I going to complain about? Yeah. Albany Funny Bone? Hell yeah. Fucking load me up four shows. This is so fun. I'm eating a buffalo chicken salad and then I go do an hour

and then I come back. and just hang out and wait to do it again. Fucking rules. That's why I hate when these people are like, this business is, it's like, there is really shitty parts of it. But if you get to do something you love, I don't know, you should try to hold on to that. And you, yeah, I, you were, you've always been like that,

and you never. So I'm, I tried to sell you on it being negative that you should have learned and you, and you, you know. No, I would fight, I would fight tooth and nail to say like, it also, but, but a lesson you should learn is that your heroes are people. Is that, like the people you look up. to that you can love comedy yeah these are just guys yeah and you're gonna see that

how do they become your hero what's the thing they're because i'm with you yeah i know i know it's just hard for me personally and i that's what i'm i think i was getting at is like it's hard for me personally not to project there's a line in the in that i've never in a book i've never read portrait dory and gray he looks so good he must be good yes it's exactly he he he he he But think about that with athletics, think about that with music, think about that with acting. Yeah. Think about that with anything. When someone's phenomenal at something, you just go, like, I want you to be phenomenal at everything now. And by the way, and I just, and I want you to love me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I want you to love me. Yeah. Yeah. But there was a moment where like, you know, and this is why I think every comedian should be in therapy. I think every comedian should be in therapy and not look at it as like. BetterHelp. Yeah. BetterHelp. Um, this sponsored by BetterHone. Uh, if.

if you look at it differently, like if you were a wide receiver in the NFL, I would assume you have an athletic trainer. I would assume someone warms up your legs, you work on your knees, plyometrics, you keep yourself flexible so that you can be successful at football. That's what a therapist does for your brain. It just keeps you pliable, keeps you not insane, and it keeps you to where you go, like where you start learning about shit. And what I learned, one of my most valuable lessons I've learned in the last five years,

is that heroes are just people. You've put the shadow on them. You've put them up there. You know what I mean? Like, when I realize that Burr and Louis and Chappelle and Seinfeld and Rock and all, they're just guys. Yeah.

They're just guys that have lives. And sometimes their exceptionalism has made their life complicated. So people like me, who's just like a fan, they have no, I'm not, it's what we're talking about, about your friends. They don't fucking see me. They just go, excuse me, excuse me. I've got a lot of people that want to talk

me everyone wants to be my best friend yeah and so you go oh that's you know yeah there's guys there's something comforting about just like mythologizing people you know what it does it makes it clean yeah you go and and the only reason i know this is because that was one of the that was my relationship with my father who left and i was like oh this guy is the man he just had a bad run or whatever then you go oh and then i get older and i go like just put out a bad netflix but yeah dude Whatever man, but then you get older than he's a piece of shit. He didn't want to be in my life I just was projecting that because it was easier than dealing with the fact of like, those guy's an asshole. Yeah. That's what a lot of heroes are. You know, this guy's kind of an

asshole. You can also catch a guy on a bad day. He's a bad day. You know what I mean? Or they're an asshole and they're great a comedy. That's or they're an asshole. More than likely what it is. How did you, how did you, what do you think of your dad and that? Like, how do you think of that? I don't, I don't, I don't, it taught me to let go in a lot. It taught me how to let go of like, well, that guy's never going to be that guy. He sucked. Deal with it. He was crazy because when I was working, when I was talking about it in therapy, the thing

that we kept talking about was like, my therapist was like, your father rejected you. Like your father rejected you. And you go like, dude, I couldn't even fucking say it. I couldn't, not in a way of like, I'm going to cry in a way of like, I couldn't think of the word when I'd go, yeah, we're, I was like talking to Acadie about it. And I go, yeah, he said like my dad, um, my dad want to be. And then like, I was like, dude, my own brain is like, brother, this hurts. Please don't let me let this in.

And then you go, my dad rejected me. And you go, that's what he did. And by the way, then I found out that's what he did to my sister too. So it was like, oh, he, this motherfucker just didn't want to be around. He just didn't want to have kids. He just had a kid. I was like, shit, all right, I'll wait a couple of years and I'll dip. And then it's like, I needed to know that.

So I treated Louis accordingly. You know what I mean? Yeah. If that makes any sense. Yeah. Where I go, oh, my issues with wanting Louis to like me or wanting Chappelle to like me, I want my dad to like me. I don't give it. Because once you see that and the scales from your eyes drop, you go, I don't give a fuck about this guy from Boston that did comedy well.

Yeah. He's a guy. He's just a guy. You know what I mean? Like, I care about my dad. I don't care about Chris Rock being a dick to me. He should be a dick to me. I don't, you don't know me a goddamn thing.

But it hurt when I still had him on the pedestal. Well, there's also that thing of like, if. Yeah, there's so much worse shit to do to somebody than be indifferent to them when you see them at the comedy club. Yeah, like abandoning your child. Way worse. Yeah. Like, and you know what's funny is there was a moment,

and this is crazy that I was telling you the story to you, but I was out of thing and Chappelle was drunk, and it, like, hit me with a wave of like, yo, this is how it felt when I used to be around my dad and he'd be drunk. And then I'm like, why am I feeling this point? A black dude is clearly not my dad. And I don't ever know. And you just go, oh, I gotta go clean

up my own shit and now I see it and I go he's a fucking he's just a guy he's just a guy he's just a guy that's like two we just two atoms that bump into each that's fucking it yeah they don't owe me a goddamn thing and I don't know them a goddamn thing so you're okay I don't know why I can't relate to any of this Dave's time the but how this is my whole problem with life now which is like okay what do I take personally

You take personal in life in life from people that know you. It's like people that know you. What if it is Dave? Then take a person. By the way, you've known each other since you were 17. But that's what I mean. Like it's different for me and you. He is a he is a face on Mount Rushmore.

Right. That's like me walking up to Mount Rushmore and being like, Thomas Jefferson. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why are you mean to me? Yeah. You stop being mean to me. He's Dave to you. It's the way that Nate is Nate to me and Shane is Shane to me.

You know what I mean? On my Mount Rushmore. Yeah. I mean, they should. They're fucking two of the best. They're great. But it really is like, that's why I'm seeing it now. Yeah. It's my fucking dog. No, I get it. I guess it's just hard. If Nate was mean to me, right? I'm going to take that personally. Yeah. Take personal what is personal. Yeah. Yes. Because a lot of it is. What if the, but okay. So should you have taken your dad personally? Because it's more. That's a great question. Because I would. It's a lot closer to my. You know what I mean? Yeah, I would answer that no, I shouldn't have.

I shouldn't have taken it personally because what I found out was he did it to my sister. When I found out that my sister was 12 years older than me, he left her when he was like 22 years old or whatever. He had me when he was. Okay, you let that one slide. You get a sweet young guy. He's in the Navy. 22. He's in the airport.

What are you on? What are you going to do? Yeah, come on. This guy's getting pussy whipped out of him in all rights. How was he with you? 34. Yeah. And then he left when I was, when he was 40.

So around my age. you know, I'm 43 right now, and you go, yeah, all right, why did I take that so personally? I mean, I took it down to my soul. I took it down to my soul that I'm not worthy of it, that I'm not like, what did I do wrong? I was a fucking six-year-old kid. How are you looking at a six-year-old going, yeah, that ain't going to work out. I got to get out here. So, what actually what happened was was when my grandmother was dying, we were cleaning out her storage unit, and I went through this, like, random bag, and I found a letter that my sister wrote to my dad, before he had died. And it was like a very, when did this happen?

90s. I mean, I found the letter in 20, 23, 22, but I found this letter and it was basically my sister writing to my dad being like, hey, I don't know you. Because at this point, she was 28, I want to say. And he had last seen her when she was 16. And she was like, hey, I don't know you. And that kind of sucks. Like, I wish I knew my dad. And so here it is. This is my last chance. Like, please be in my life. And then the back half of the letter was like a four page letter. the last two pages were her going also you should be in dan's life he like loves you he's 12 years old he thinks you fucking the sun rises and sets he thinks you're when he was he was like the funny had you had your drunk thing with dave yet so you could really oh no i mean oh yeah comprehend this

yeah how as you're reading this are you like shaking what are you doing uh you know what it was I read it and it uh it made me cry when I was reading it because it was my sister standing up for me. It was my sister going like, fuck that, dude. This is a good kid. Like, he's a good kid and he loves you because, you know, and stuff I've talked about before on a podcast or whatever. That was a really hard time in my life where my mom and her boyfriend were kind of off in their own world and I was really alone. And my sister was the only, she was a cool older lady that it came into my life. She's in her 20s. So she was telling me albums to listen to and she knew I love stand-ups. So she would like feed that and be like, yeah, like, like, South Park. She would like, all the shit that I liked, she would like really. courage but I was reading that letter and I was like damn dude Michelle really fucking went to bat for me and then the thought was like oh he did it to her too yeah she's feeling the same pain I'm feeling and now I'm realizing this guy doesn't give a fuck this guy's just going like yeah what I'm all right another good man I ain't around because I watched him because I gave him that letter because her and I had a relationship so I visited him when I was 12 and I gave him that letter and then what he doesn't know

was my grandma's townhouse. You'd given him the letter from Michelle. I said, Michelle wrote your letter. And then you didn't know what it said. I didn't know what it said, but I watched him read the first page. Very cinematic. And then I watched him talk the letter away and I watched him read the first page and then put the letter away.

So I don't know if you ever read the full thing. But then when I found that letter, when I was, I was like, yo, I remember this fucking, but I never know what it read. And my grandma was like out of it. She's on the couch and I'm just like reading this shit crying. And she's just like, The Warriors look good. Extern San Francisco.

And I'm just like, yeah, yeah, I think Clay's got a shot back. And it's like, it was just like, but it was a moment where that led me to realizing like, what about Festus is he leaving? Yeah, and I go, oh, uh, uh, the giants really could use a catcher. Um, because my grandma and I always just talked about sports. So it was like funny to have this like incredibly. Okay, but it's a, it's a odd. It's right, but it's, you can't take your parents personally.

That. Dude, so that's something that I'm learning right now in my 40s is that like, damn, my mom did a great job. And I took a lot of that shit personally. And if I didn't take it personally, we have a great relationship. Right. But it's because you have to take the good shit personally, but not the bad shit. Well, the bad shit is.

The bad shit, what you have to do is you have to understand it might be circumstantial. The bad shit that you go, oh, my fuck. parents did X, Y, and Z, you go, well, your parents were going through A, B, and C. So you didn't realize X, Y, and Z was the reason because your parents were going through A, B, and C. My mom used to be so fucking strict with money like, like, anything. I wanted a $5-dollar action figure. My mom would be like, you have to buy it. I, you know what's funny is I think about your mom more than you.

Yeah, hell yeah. I think about your mom because, uh, because my, I'm, now I'm, like, very involved, but, like, my girl, she has a kid. Yeah. And I watch her do it alone. And I'm like, I think about, I'm not like, it's the only single mom, but I think about your mom and you being a latchkey kid and doing stuff. And like, it's so fucking hard to be a single mom.

It's, I called my mom and apologized. I mean, she was basically a single mom anyway because my dad was an asshole. But like, sure. I didn't know what it was. So I think about how hard and then. Dude, my mom used to drop me off at daycare, drive her car to this parking lot, take a bus. to the Denver Tech Center, work fucking 70 hours a week. And then I would go to an after-school program with a bunch of other fucking kids, kid jail.

And then my mom would come and get me at like 6.30 p.m. Take me home, cook me dinner, make sure I did my homework. And to be somewhat loving. And I'm going like this. But she drank. Of course she fucking drank. Of course she drank. I'm glad she drank.

Good for you. By the way, guess who did learn how to make her Southern Cover of Manhattan on the Rock? The kid? Yeah, by the time I was like 10, dude. Because I knew I was a bad student. If I had that drink, I'd be like I made you a drink. And she'd be like, I got in school suspension. So wow.

So I said a thing that I thought was funny. Anyhow, wow. Let's have you another one. I make her another one. I go, shaking it, go, so, I'm going to be held back in eighth grade. Look, I'm not going to lie to you guys. I don't drink a ton, but when I, I drink every once in a while, and I do do other stuff that would deplete you in a similar way as drinking wood.

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take stuff, which I'll leave it at that. And this stuff works exactly as advertised. You've feel solid the next day. You don't feel in any way less than you would have otherwise. Here, guys, you're ready for the call to action? Here it comes. Try it for yourself today. And if you are unsatisfied, they will return your entire order, no questions asked. Head to zbiotics.com slash any al, code N-A-L for 15% off your first order. Zbiotics. It is funny, though, what you do take personally. Because it's people always say that in life is like don't take it personally it's like but you're telling me to take good shit if I do something good it's like because you're amazing let it in but if something

bad happens it's like that was circumstance yeah what do we talk but I really do think you if you realize it's all your own shit projected onto people that's something I really wish I would have known is life is learning how to handle how other people make you feel and is it's all okay most of the time it's not it's not because someone comes in and pinches your nipple and you go the rest of the day you I don't know, I mean, that blue shirt's like kind of gay or whatever. Anyway, then you go, well, why did that make me feel bad? Yeah.

It's not anything they actually did. It's like what they got out of you that you're like, now I fucking feel bad. Yeah. If you learn how to deal with that, like learning how to like not be mad at the guy, it hurts. Yeah. Because the car is late. I'm not taking that. That's like fine.

Whatever. Yeah. We're in this and you go, because I've learned how to deal with it. Because back. Didn't you get the feeling you were supposed to take it everything, person? Personally, though. That's what marketing is. That's what that's how business is off.

It is. Because they're supposed to be like, you're the number one consumer. You're the best. We treat you great. You go, but you don't. Yeah. So don't take it first. But pinch your, it, that's the problem is we are social animals, right?

That's why we're being broken right now. No, I'm not talking about marketing. I'm talking about saying, social media separate. The nipple pinching. Yeah. If somebody pinched your nipple and then the rest of you're like, oh, what's wrong?

Somebody pinched my nipple four hours ago. I thought, I don't know, I thought that was the way we're supposed to be. I think, I, it's not. I know what? It's, again, this is a conversation where I, I probably am wrong. No, you're not. No, you're not. Because I just was, like, you're talking about things that you wish you.

Tell me, tell me something that happened that you reacted one way, 10 years ago and how you would, how you react now. Hurts. Okay. I remember, uh, years ago, I used to go to Enterprise all the time. Enterprise was like we don't have a car and I fucking flip my shit because at first it was funny I was like the Seinfeld thing yeah oh you could take the reservation yeah yeah can't hold the reservation unfortunately we ran out of cars but the reservation keeps the car here that's why you have the reservations I know why we have reservations I don't think you do and then it goes like

fuck you man I'm gonna be late like what the fuck do something I gave you money do something and the guy goes this is all I did and I'm like fuck you and I'm like fuck you and I'm like fuck you and I'm like being, I remember that, like being like shitty to a guy. And then I leave in an hour later, I'm like, all right, everything worked out. I really didn't need to give you that mad about it. There are so few things that I'm glad I lost my temper over. I mean, I can't really, yeah, I could, if I, if I, the only time it's worth it is when you have a fight with your girlfriend or wife and then.

Use it to, you get to the makeup, you get to wounded sooner than she does. I think that's the key with fighting. get to the most level of wounded you could get to and weaponize your wound against them and then she has to top your wound. But when you're making up, that's the best part where you just go like, hey, I got really mad and I shouldn't have got mad.

She goes, yeah, I got mad too and you go. Like that moment where you go, how gay are we? We got so gay at each other. Yeah. But it is. It's just like I took too much shit personal. That's why this whole deleting Instagram thing, it's like all these comics want to be like, Don't read the comments.

Don't read the comments. Well, you shouldn't read the comments. That's for them. That's for the fans. You made the thing. You put it out. You shouldn't be in the comment section. Right.

It's crazy. Well, you're just asking for trouble. Yeah. I mean, that's an obvious one of like, why do you need to go in the, what? If you heal the thing that I asked myself. I go, what are you looking for? Because there's never going to be the comment that goes, well, that's it. He's the best.

I love him. Because even you read that, you go, fucking liar. Fucking idiot. And then they go, I don't like the way his hand shook. And you go, do I have Parkinson's? It's like something where you're just like, all of a sudden, now I'm on a thing. And by the way, for any comics watching this, none of the people, I know, none of the people that talk shit to you will buy tickets to your show.

And if they do, they're not going to walk up to you and go, fuck you. They don't know that they said it. Yeah. That's the other thing about comments is like, they don't remember. They just go, blah, la, blah. my kids crying I mean no I'm whatever and this leads me to the thing of like I work at Hertz

I work at Enterprise I'm all the things The Hertz thing the guy probably didn't even realize it No he doesn't know he doesn't You're just a warm body You're like a predator body No I'm just the fucking Nissan rogue Yeah he rented out

Oh then I got a Camry I got a family of four that doesn't speak English I got to get him a Camry Yes that's what it is That's why you don't take it personally You just go like oh fuck Yeah Someone's up next.

Don't move on. Yeah, everyone's going to move on. What, okay, your dad's going to move on. I mean, your mom's going to, like, how much should I invest in relationships and outcomes? I think it should be how you feel, how it makes you feel, and what you contribute to it, because honestly, I'd never been in, like, a very, very healthy relationship until this one, and now I see all the benefits. I mean it. And I go, like, Katie, I mean.

Like all of it. I'm just like, Shane, I mean, any. My friendships, I genuinely do it where I'm like, am I being myself? That's like the biggest thing. I'm like, am I actually being myself? Because once you find people around you that you can be yourself around, everything else just makes a lot more sense. You just go like, this is the taking, it's the, it's the, it's the, the personal version of taking your shirt off. You go, I'm just going to be myself. And they go, great. It's like you're yourself. I love that. And you, how do you handle the rejection when you, when it, when it,

when it happens it hurts a little but it's like stubbing your toe do you stub your toe and you walk around thinking about it for five hours you stub your toe and you go fuck and then you go ah fuck and then a little later you go oh sore you know what I do with bombs I bombed at the cellar a couple weeks ago and I came home and you know he's on a couch on TV and I'm like I fucking bombed and she goes was not part of it and I got me you you know what I mean and then I like come back out I go yeah I was a little you need to go to the gym but I was like and but then I woke up the next morning and she was like getting ready for work and I jokingly go,

I bombed so bad last night and she goes, no one knows. And I was like, yeah, you're right. No one fucking gives a shit. It's a stub toe. By the way, you don't know by 1130. No. You know like, uh. Yeah, you go, I fuck.

I wish that Batman joke worked better. But it is, it's like, I don't know, man. I just am like tired of creating monsters in my head that aren't real. I'm tired of being scared of the basement every time I look at my phone of like, oh, I'm In the basement, it's cold, it's unfinished, what's around the corner. But you're talking about social media and anything? In my brain. Yeah. Your brain's the cold basement.

Yeah. You just go in the basement and you go like, there's monsters down here. You're like, this house was built in 1978. There's no ghosts. It was a plot of land. It's like you're not in a haunted house. Yeah. You can watch a scary movie and go like, it's not.

Your house isn't haunted. So what you're saying is don't take your thoughts seriously. Yes. Don't let them understand that the there's a shadow to your thoughts and most of the time you're looking at the shadow. Say more. Like most of the time you see a shadow and you go,

holy shit, that's 20 feet tall. Then you follow the shadow to your thought. And you go, that's actually not that bad. Yeah. You go, oh, it's fucking. Give me an example. Like, I'll tell you right now, you do like a clip. I did a clip with like Ron Bennington and someone

was like, oh, like, and Soder annoys me. And I'm like, this guy fucking hates me. It was one guy. And I happen to see it. And then you see it and you go, he doesn't even follow me. The guy doesn't even like me. Yeah. Who cares?

He's just he was just passing by you know what it is you ever drive by somebody and you see something right and you're like whoever you're with you say something You go that guy's having a fucking bad day and they go hey, you know you like laugh about it. That's all internet comments are People are just driving by and they're going like this guy sucks and then you're going that guy thinks I suck Well that I think that's the issue is we're not supposed to hear what anyone thinks of you Well yeah think about all of human history sure when would you have ever known any negative things about you unless you were like Ben Franklin but it was also yeah also it was like those are always in the movies where like the king puts on a hood and he's like I'm not the king and he's like oh the people are talking about me right you know it's like yeah the king

people were talking about the king you're not supposed to know that yeah like that was the there was a guy or two that's why I think we need to go back to not having uh fuck charming politicians we need nerds we don't need I don't need people I like I need people that know policy. I need people that go, actually, if I take this much money, we'll save this much money on roads, and then we can do this with hospitals.

I don't need a guy that's like, what are you eating? What are you eating? Yeah, I've got to have a beer with him. You're not legally allowed to have a beer with him. You should have a beer with him. Yeah, they'll kill you if you try to have a beer with him. But I don't want that.

I don't want a guy that goes, I like him. I don't want to like you. Motherfucker, you work for me. I know, but the issue is it's charisma beats everything. Just like a face, a man's face. Yeah beats his body. Yes.

And if you got charisma, yes. Yes. So that that is foreign policy. Yeah. Charisma. I mean, basically it really,

it has to be, unfortunately. So you just have to hope that like you end up with an Obama or somebody that's like reasonable. And I'm also fine being what I have. The last lesson that I really, uh,

just made my life a lot more enjoyable. I don't know a lot of stuff. And that's okay. Like stuff on this podcast people could see this and go you were absolutely wrong about that Maybe and it now what are we gonna do when I was younger I would be like I need to fix this Oh fucking call Neil Neil you can you edit it's out I said something that was wrong and you go now you're like I learned Or not but more than likely I kind of go my bad my bad just bring back my bad yeah I just yeah what What's going to happen?

Because there is no, with the loss of the industry, with the loss of like this idealistic version of politicians and leaders and stuff, there's no more adults in the room. So now people are looking at podcasts going, you said that wrong. And you go, yeah, why are you mad at me for saying it? I'm fucking, I'm just a idiot. I worked at bed, bath, and beyond. Shut out. And by the way, the company's absolved, so you can't come from me for that.

It's not absolved. It's dissolved. That's where you need to fix it. I'm going to edit that. We're going to edit that for sure. No, I'm leaving it in to fucking teach you a lesson. And by the way, the companies absolve. Companies absolves.

Subsoles. Does sugar absolve in water, you fucking moron? Yeah, you're right. And happier than ever, more or less. Are you smoking a lot of weed still? Yeah. Great. Still happy, though.

I know I've got to tackle that. I'm in my mid-40s. The words are starting to disappear, so I need to start. You know about that scrommeting thing? What? I don't that a lot of like there's a lot of emergency room people that smoke too much weed are screaming and vomiting it's the funniest worst thing I that could happen to a stone person can I tell you know screaming and vomiting at the same time because I'm a lifelong pothead

I've been smoking weed daily since I was 15 I don't like strong weed mm I want like 19% THC and I want to smoke can you control it you kind of can right Not as much as I wish I could. But meaning like you can buy weaker. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And then this is what I carry around. It's a one hitter.

It's a harmonica? It's a bat and a dugout. This is what old stoners. So this is the amount of weed I smoke is that amount. And I just dip it. I take a hit once or twice during the day. I'm a little high. But I'm not smoking blunts and bong rips and fucking, you know what I mean?

Because you see those people you go, those guys are smoking a lot of weed. I just am like, I know how much I need and I don't need it a lot. Yeah. Because my adult brain when it gets upset I go like, what am I doing?

You're smoking for you. You know what I mean? Moderation. Yes. If you can. If you can do it. If you can do it. Can you?

I don't know. I genuinely don't know. Does it, do you go? Are there days where you hit it six times? Oh my God. Oh my God. So the one or two times was a lie?

No, that's weekdays. And then like if I'm home on it. a weekend no shows no shows I'll fight to like noon and then I'll be like I'll smoke a fucking big ass joint it's all you're thinking about until noon no but it is a thing where I go you're thinking about the bomb you took oh I still think about that what room seller McDougal I took a fucking hot one I mean you're talking the right guy just nothing where you think you did him wrong yeah where I go I say it that I miss a sentence then I came home and I went through the set list with

Katie and she goes, all those jokes were. And I was like, I know. I fucking know. Um, Soder, you came, you did, this is why we wanted you. I appreciate me. Me and my team, it's just me. Yeah. And, uh, and you, you were on premise, you found new

stuff that you hadn't, weren't talking about. Still brought up my dead dad, which, go love. Got to. Got to bring that up. Um, and Chappelle, you brought me into it. I had to. You really connected me. I was fucking totally spaced out

and said Dave I'm like a dog when he hears treats Yeah, Pavlovia dude And And he's got a Netflix guys Coming out in 2027 2027 As they told me quarter one

Q1 Q1 of 2027 He's the great Dan Soder Follow him look at him And comment But don't But I won't read it Probably

Probably Probably