Blocks w/ Neal Brennan - Felipe Esparza

Episode Date: September 26, 2024

Neal Brennan interviews Felipe Esparza (Bad Decisions on Netflix, Last Comic Standing & more) about the things that make him feel lonely, isolated, and like something's wrong - and how he is persevering despite these blocks. ---------------------------------------------------------- 00:00 Intro 2:25 Fame 5:08 Addiction 11:13 PTSD from growing up in Boyle Heights 20:31 Sponsor: Mando 22:30 Sponsor: BetterHelp 24:06 PCP 28:15 Terminator 2 Story 36:06 Recovery 46:15 Weed & Mushrooms 51:30 Stuttering 56:56 Need for Respect & Feeling Slighted ---------------------------------------------------------- Follow Felipe Esparza: @felipeesparza   Follow Neal Brennan: https://www.instagram.com/nealbrennan https://twitter.com/nealbrennan https://www.tiktok.com/@mrnealbrennan Watch Neal Brennan: Crazy Good on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/81728557 Watch Neal Brennan: Blocks on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/81036234 Theme music by Electric Guest (unreleased). Edited by Will Hagle ([e-mail])  Sponsor Blocks: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/blocks Sponsors: https://www.shopmando.com/ use promo code: NEAL for $5 off your Mando starter pack https://www.betterhelp.com/NEAL for 10% off your first month. ---------------------------------------------------------- Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello, it's me, Neil Brennan. This is the Blacks Podcast. My guest today, I've known for 16, 17 years. First time I saw him at the laugh factory, I thought, oh fuck, if you cut to this guy in a movie, he immediately would get a laugh. Just the sight of him. Do it now.

Great. You see how funny that was? He's just, he's a observably funny motherfucker. And then the fact that he could write jokes and he had a point of view, to me was a miracle. He's had one or two Netflix specials, Comedy Central. I think you were on last comic standing, man. Yeah, I won. He won last comic, not only was he on it, he fucking. I think you were on last comic standing man. Yeah, I won.

He won last comic, not only was he on it, he fucking. I beat them. He beat them, he thinks he's funnier than all you fools. Felipe Esparza, ladies and gentlemen. Felipe Esparza. What's up, Neil Brennan? How you doing, buddy? Good, man. Good to see you.

Do you think your career's going good? I think it is. I think it is. From the outside in, I'm like, I wonder if Felipe is happy with how it's going for him. I think about Kevin Hart's career. Right. And people at that level,

and the amount of interviews they gotta do every morning, and preparation for a lot of things. And I'm like, yeah, I like the little rows. Yeah. The little side rows where I just get invited to the red carpet and that's it. Felipe. There you go. Right, you're not in it.

Are you in the movie? Nah. You just, you'll show up for the party and the free food. Like, I'm known, but, and I like the way I'm known, like, at this level. All right, that's, people always talk about that. I, Tig Notaro was on here and I said, I would like Kevin's career in that. If you, if I'm going to Philly, I might as well do the stadium anyway.

Do you know what I mean? Like if I'm going to Philly, if I'm going to Phoenix, I'd rather do the arena than the theater or the club. But I also know that like, I'm like I'm like a niche compared to Kevin. Like, and you're in the same boat where it's like, well, no, we're not for everybody. But you assume that the people we're for have found us and enjoy us.

And by the way, we both make great livings. I mean, look at how we're dressed. We both make great livings. I mean, look at how we're dressed. We both make great livings, so it's like, there's no complaint. I don't find, and do you find your fame level ever overwhelming or like inconvenient? No. Yeah, that's the thing. So there's no, but it is also like, it is,

that's a positive, it is never inconvenient. I know the places where I know I'm gonna get a lot of attention and places where I'm gonna just gonna be having a good time. Just a regular guy? Where do you get a lot, where are the places? Dodger Stadium. As soon as I walk into Dodger Stadium,

I'm like Fernando Valenzuela, bro. Is it everybody? Just most of the people at Dodger Stadium? As soon as I step in. Parking. Like a lot of my, not parking also, but once I walked into my seats, I was so full, everybody,

because I used to work there too. Oh, great. And I threw out the first pitch when I won last comic standing. Oh, that's awesome. My wife surprised me with tickets to go to Dodger Stadium opening day. Okay. I was trying to find something to go to Dodger Stadium opening day. Okay.

I was trying to find something to wear. Okay, what if I get on TV? So I just wore my big full tour shirt. Great. But it's orange and black. Okay. And right away on the comments, people were noticing, oh man, what are you wearing?

San Francisco Giants colors. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You have no good kill at the Dodger Stadium. So I took a bunch of photos with people and they went to my seat. But it was like. It took like 35 minutes. Yeah, that's exactly the kind of thing.

It's, you don't wanna, it just takes too long. If someone's super famous, they either have to be, it's either gonna take forever to do anything or you have to get like security and go through it. It's also cool that there's also people who don't know who I am. Yeah. Or just wondering, what's going on here?

Yeah. I feel like Selena, you know? Like, in a movie where nobody recognized her, but all her fans came and said, it's Selena, it's Selena. What's going on in here? It's Selena. Who's Selena?

She's here for the Grammy. You feel like Selena, and you look like the woman who killed her. I did, man. Is that one of your jokes? No, one of my jokes is that every time I go to Texas, I wanna hook up with a woman who looks like Selena, but I end up sleeping with a woman

who looks like she killed her. Beautiful, we're all doing the same. It's all the same joke. I don't know. Ian Edwards has a great, the woman who shot Selena joke. And what's great is I barely know what she looks like, but I feel like she's,

the woman who shot Selena, in my mind, in her photo, she's wearing a windbreaker. She look like Arnold Schwarzenegger baby mama. Fantastic. Even now we're just insulting anyone, but now everyone's catching strays. All right, you have a wild story Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Yes. You used it, one of your blocks is addiction. Walk me through, tell people who don't know your story, tell them a version of your story, including the Terminator 2 night, please. Oh, which story, the one about? The one when you smoked meth and went to. Oh yes.

But you can tell the whole story, just include that portion of it. I'm trying to remember how the day started. Oh, the day started like this. Terminator 2 is going to come out. Right. It was coming out. It was out.

It was already out. It's been out. So this is the summer of 1991. Yeah, 1991 or 1992 when it came out. It was 1991 because I remember. And my friends and I, we went to go see Terminator 2 at the Drive-In Movie Theater. Okay. And I was dressed exactly like him.

Like the Terminator. Yeah, except I didn't have a leather jacket. Just had a white t-shirt and the boots and the jeans. Got it. I was gonna take somebody's jacket, like just like him at the end of the night. Sure. But my friends and I were drinking Long Island iced teas,

the ones you buy at the liquor store, they're like 32 wals like this big. And we poured, we just snuck it, well, we're drinking them there and we were smoking PCP at the movie theater. PCP, again, people who don't own PCP, it's angel dust, they called it angel dust, they called it PCP.

It was embalming fluid, it was literally what they use, it was formaldehyde, or like what they, it's embalming fluid powderized. I always thought it was elephant tranquilizer. I've heard both, I have no idea. But okay, so either way, now this is, when did you start doing wild shit like this? Like just smoking PCP on a Friday?

Probably when I was 21, 21. Okay, so you, so what were you doing before that? I was just drinking a lot. Okay, like every day? After high school, I was just drinking like, when I had a girlfriend at the time, every Friday with her. Okay.

We were both by a 40 ounce of Old English or Minky's Big Mouth and we knew a store that sold to kids. So we would go there, high school kids and buy two 40 ounces. We'll walk to Hollomback Park and drink them and have sex in the park. Literally. Literally, yeah. On a bench, on the grass. On the bench, I was like 16, 17, no, I'm like 17 years old with a woman who's 16 and we're at this dark park and I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like 16 17 no I'm like 17 years old with another with a woman who's 16 and we're at this dark park that's controlled by our vicious gang third street you know they pretty much chase anybody who do you know what's funny doesn't sound like a vicious gang third Street there's a decent group maybe it sounds like a restaurant honestly, but they were What were they thirsty was like the where I lived was a gang that was mainly Chicanos like they were all

Born here, but they're all Mexican. They're a gyano, but that gang was mainly People who are from Mexico. They were like immigrant guys of of immigrant kids so they spoke more Spanish they got they got bullied on by the other get all the other gangs so so they were chasing everybody out of the park but I know I'm think when I think about it now man I must have been fearless you know to have a girlfriend and a 40-year-old sir late at night walking around the park by myself with her yeah it's that well yeah that ain't that ain't, you don't, first of all, your brain's not formed. It literally is not formed. And you have so much testosterone that you'll, there is no such thing as too risky.

And you're to the point where it's like, it sounds like a dare in a horror movie. Yes. Go fuck a 16 year old in a gang infested park at night and begin. And you were, but it didn't, it was, and you did it repeatedly. Repeatedly.

Every Friday night. And it wasn't, and how long you think you did it for? Until we broke up. For like a year? A year, yeah. Did you ever deal interface her face with the gang? Did they ever say like, what are you doing here? I thought it was more gangs when I was out hanging out

with her in her porch. Cause there was more gangs over there. Got it, got it, got it, got it. Where she lived there was at least, there was three official gangs and there was like four group of guys that hung out together. Like, there was this guy with long hair. Right, it's like at one point do you become,

well, you know what, I think we're officially a gang. For sure there was a crib gang, and then there was these two Mexican gang who didn't get along with each other. What do you think of gangs as, what did you think of them, and What do you think of gangs as, what do you think of them and what do you think of them now as an adult?

Do you just think like, what are you guys doing or do you understand it? Now I don't think, I don't see that many gangbang members because they dress different and they stay home a lot because of TikTok and they're mostly gangbanging on TikTok now. Just like insulting each other.

Insulting each other or they get into a rap, they get into rap and they start insulting each other or an ex gang member starts a podcast, then he goes after another ex member that started a podcast. So they're doing their own thing at a different level now. It's violence by different means. So I don't live in a neighborhood

where the gangs are anymore, so I don't see them, but I know people still get shot. Growing up in the way you grew up in like, what was the name of the? It was a Boyle Heights. Boyle Heights, right. So you grew up in Boyle Heights. What do you think of the way you grew up? Is it, is it, do you just think like, fuck, that was hard. Now it's better. When you're in the neighborhood, when you're in that environment,

you don't see it with outside eyes. So you're a part of the environment now. You don't see it like, whoa, look where I'm at, because you're already in it, you know? Right. You grew up in it. Well, looking back, what do you think of it? Wow, man, I can't believe I survived that.

I'm shell-shocked. I think I have PTSD from living in a neighborhood. We had a page just for our neighborhood. It was called the Pico Aliso, Aliso Village, Pico Garden, Housing Project, Facebook page. And everybody in front that grew up in the 60s in that neighborhood,s and 80s they would leave comments like oh I grew up on via Las Vegas Avenue. I grew up on New Aliso right and then One day I wrote I just randomly I was on the road somewhere. Hey, man Does anybody ever nightmares or anybody have dreams that

you're still in the housing projects living there and everything's cool just then you start hearing like these weird noises like maybe um like I don't know I don't know how to I just read like weird noises or or you hear um oh you're you're you're on drugs or somebody's chasing you or you hear bullets all the time. And some people came in, yeah, fuck yeah, me too, man. I had a dream last night that I was being chased by LAPD. Yeah. Yeah.

And so it's like gangs, LAPD, poverty, just like a, just a convergence of things. And then no one's told, hey, this is gonna fuck you up for a long time. You're gonna be dreaming, you can leave this, you're gonna be haunted by it a little bit. And then you become an adult and you're kind of, and then everybody's like, oh yeah,

I didn't even realize you're not supposed to be haunted by it. I know, like I blocked everything out of that in my mind. You blocked it out of your mind? Yeah, like right now like as we're talking I'm having flashbacks of things. I saw that were like whoa, man. Yeah Yeah, sorry to bring it up because I remember when I was in Little League There was this guy named his name was Larry. I get Larry and my my coach name was Bulldog was Larry I guess Larry and my my coach name was Bulldog I don't know the real name they call him Bulldog and he was Larry was like a assistant to the assistant coach he was just hanging out you know yeah with us like if they're

like if they're hitting balls with other kids and there he's playing catch with the kids who are not hitting balls and there's the everybody's doing something he's running track with the kids like he's doing yeah he's just he's involved auxiliary yeah like yeah yeah so everybody thought oh Larry's cool man whatever then one day man during a little league game this guy is on pcp bro like he is gone bro like gone like not not violent but just gone like his mind is not there no more he starts yelling out free man free homes free just doing like he's given up on parasites and all the kids and we never seen shit like that I was like 10 and I said, what the fuck?

And he starts taking off his clothes and his butt naked. Like, and he run around the bases. And- This isn't even violent. This is just like what growing up like that will do. Like then you need drugs, then you need- Yeah. Just like the ecosystem. Finally, Bulldog grabs himdog grabs them hey you fucking Larry put your clothes on and

nobody call the cops and he was never assisted to the system again and yeah like that was the end of his little game man yeah he was he didn't even go to our games and that's not even that's just a little slice. Yeah but I remember another time like walking leaving um we're on our bicycles and we're leaving the park and always yeah that's another thing I asked on the Pico Aliso page. Hey man do you remember American remember? Am I making this up? Or was there ever a red party that used to come to our neighborhood when we were like eight or nine? I don't know, we used to call them the people with the red flags. And then somebody wrote, yeah man, those motherfuckers

were communists. He goes, they were big, they were communists. He goes, they were a neighborhood popping us up. They were like, they were rallying around us. I didn't know they were communists. Were they Cuban or something? They were all different nationalities. Yeah, like why they pick your neighborhood? I don't know. But I remember coming out, they came,

there was like around 50 of them, and they had like red flags, and they were waving them, and they were talking about um like fuck the police, fuck whatever mayor's there and then and but they were they were like trying to rally everybody and they will show up and um they will pass out Pampers to single moms and feed people. They'll set up a little sandwich place to give out sandwiches. And then we didn't think much of it. Some people tell them to fuck off, get the fuck out of here.

I remember one guy, this guy, I guess he was a blood. He grabbed one of the red flags from them and he put in his Cadillac We're coming out of the game and a Big fight starts. Oh, so there was like a lot of those guys this time like set more than the red flag Yeah, the red flag people but then it started like the their protest was Andy they were leaving Some of them stood back and then like more people came from our neighborhood.

It was like, and they got into a fight with them. And I saw one of the guys get stabbed like repeatedly, bro. Like my friend and I were on our bikes, like watching a movie or, he's getting stabbed and stabbed and stabbed. And they killed him. They killed him, man. They killed him. And everybody runs and then we're like running with the crowd to our neighborhood. And we see the guy that stabbed the guy. And then there's other black dude tells them,

hey man, they just killed a guy over there. Because then they killed the guy over there. He goes, didn't they kill the guy, man? He goes, the guy with the red flags. Then the police show up, LAPD, and they only arrest the red flag people. Like they beat their ass, and they put them all, they arrested them, and they put a sheet over the guy with the, that was murdered. And I was wondering, like, who was this guy? And everybody on the page didn't know.

I went to San Francisco and there was a lady studying books. There was a book that somebody wrote about that day. Really? The guy's name was David. Was he like a significant? He was a communist and he was, I don't know if he was communist, but he was red.

He was a red flag socialist probably. He had already bombed or burned a police station somewhere else in another state. That guy. Oh yeah, that's not gonna, the cops aren't gonna be nice after that. Who stabbed him? I thought it was a guy from the neighborhood.

But later on, you know, fake news, it starts saying, oh man, it was news starts saying ah man it was a espionage it was a cop and we didn't know man but right what did it look like it looked like he was just stabbing a guy like buddy they did the guy it just looked like a regular gang fight yeah well that's the already got arrested though so do you alright so then you start you start drinking 18, 19, 20. Like 16, 17. 16, okay. And then do you think you're doing it

cause it's fun or do you think you're doing it cause you're like trying to deal with all this shit around you? I don't know, I think it was just for fun at first. Yeah, and then when you say it first, when you mean like, and then you started realizing like, oh, I can kind of escape this shit, or did you even care?

When I started drinking by myself, that's when I realized it was not, it was just to get away. Got it. But when I was with my friends, it was just fun, because I had a bunch of Native American friends who lived in the neighborhood. They took all of the young drunks,

instead of young guns. And we would buy, we all had buy, we used to work for Western Electric in Canoga Park. So we got paid well and we used to buy a case of beer each of Budweiser and we used to challenge each other to see who finishes first. Yeah, you're not gonna win that. And then we were in the housing projects,

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That's S-H-O-P-M-A-N-D-O.COM. Mando. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, what's something you'd like to learn? As an adult, do you make time to learn new things as often as you'd like? Or was that lost in childhood? Kids are always learning and growing,

but as adults, sometimes we lose that curiosity. What's something you'd like to learn? Gardening, skateboarding, roller skating, a lot of skate ones. You know what I realized recently? I want to, I need a more, I need to pursue more a spiritual practice like daily because I, it helps. Therapy can help you reconnect with your sense of wonder because your back-to-school error can come at any age. All right, I've benefited from therapy. I talk about it a lot. And the thing that therapy made me realize was just, you talk in therapy and you hear yourself and you can kind of glean what you want based on the things you talk about in

therapy or even like the things you're envious of or the people you want to emulate. In my case, it was more like, I want to admit that I want to do stand-up or I want to be a director or whatever. I had I finally like admitted it in therapy. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapist anytime for no additional charge. Rediscover your curiosity with better help visit betterhelp.com com Neal today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com

slash Neil better help comm slash Neil go there start therapy Become a better version of you now. Okay, so we gotta flashback to the Terminator 2 day. Terminator 91, had you done PCB before? Yes, at a birthday party. Of course. My friend had a birthday party for his son and when everybody was like-

It was a kid's birthday party. It was a kid's birthday party, man. And they were smoking PCP and I just went to the wrong crowd and they passed it and I took it. And then I felt good. You didn't even know what it was? Didn't even know what it was. I wanna be part of that.

Was it a joint or a pipe? It was a Newport cigarette, a Kuz. Cause most PCPs that were sold in my neighborhood were like porters, there was a little bottle of liquid. Got it. So the majority of the people would use menthol cigarettes and they would just dip it like $10, $20 or all the way in 50 bucks.

Oh, for the like half? Yeah. Got it. And you smoked it and then said, did you say like, hey, what is this PCP? Oh shit. Or was it like, this feels great. What is it? It felt great, man. What did it feel like?

At first I was down, like really down, like, Oh man, I can't move. Like I couldn't move my hands. But then after when I could move my hands, I felt like a, like a lot of confidence. I felt power, like strong. And is it, it is that thing of like, you feel superhuman? Yes. I remember watching this guy on PCP in a movie and I go and I realized I want to be like that.

He was fighting like 10 cops. Yeah. Like that was the thing with got with PCP. Yeah. Ronnie King. He was on PCP. Oh, I mean, yeah, that... I don't think he did...

I don't think it helped him in that scenario. For Solberg, he would have went down. Yeah. Oh, right, right. But he wasn't like getting up and being like, come on. He was like always... The whole time he was like getting pretty... He was pretty wrapped up.

Like I got beat like that once too, man, but nobody recorded it. Huh. Or maybe they recorded over it. Ha ha ha. Like, I would could say, it was, I remember I, I said, yeah, people, I say, I got beat bad, man, because people say candy was coming out of me

that's fine but did you what why do you get beats of it oh man because I wasn't I wasn't a gang where they had like rules not to smoke PCP okay cuz it was it just because then everybody's most PCP you become the PCP gang correct Yeah, you might watch over you. Uh-huh, and that's a small crack either or or Primos or anything, but the only one you to do weed mushrooms acid and beer Okay, but I did everything else but that And I

Was older than everybody so I so I didn't carefully rules. Yeah, they're not gonna tell you what to do. So one day, I don't know where, man, I get approached by like 10 people and they all jump me. From your gang? Yeah. Because you were smoking peace, because you broke the rules.

Did you ever think like, this is why being a gang if you can't do drugs? That was what I was saying. You're like a bunch of square ass motherfuckers. It's like the same thing the cop, whose side are they on? Well, a lot of the homies were getting locked up for being on PCP and for being on crack, being crackheads. What was the point of the gang? Was it a business?

At that time I have no idea what was going on. So you would just get together and do what? By the time I stopped, and I'm glad I did, it became a business. Crack? Or more organized. Crack, whatever? Yeah.

Got it. Because when I was in my neighborhood, whenever selling drugs, it was like a free market. So like you, anybody who lived there could sell drugs but now you can't do that anymore. It has to be the gang of that street of that corner of that zip code. It's all it's all it's been gentrified. All right so tell me the the PCP story the Terminator 2 day. There was this guy who came out of prison,

I always say like this old motherfucker, but he was like 30. That's old enough. I was 21, I was barely 21. And he started like, I was just hanging out by myself, you know, after the Terminator movie, I left my friends, I was not with my friends anymore who saw the movie about myself.

And this guy, he's been like picking, trying to bully me or trying to give me like backhanded compliments, you know, and be mean. And he's not funny like me. I could hurt his feelings. Yeah. So I finally did, you know, I said, listen, man. And I hurt his feelings. Everybody laugh. They laugh. He got upset. And he punched me in the face right away.

And had my eye. Well, I was dizzy, man. Like you're not on anything at this point. Well, I'm on PCP. Oh, you're on PCP. All right, great. So he punched you in the face. He punched me in the face. And by the way on PCB were you funnier on PCP? I'm just curious Comedy wise I was funny, but all the jokes are coming now were like all we have to fight now It's like you see like if you he's told me uh, oh Man, you ain't shit. He was I thought your wife said last night man. Anybody got Got it.

He punches me, then I punch him. But he's getting the better of me because he's a way better fighter. I'm one of those guys that'll just punch you in the face. At that age, I was one of those guys that'll just cheap shot you. Got it. Or while you're talking, I knock you out.

Got it. Then I won the fight. Great. Like that, that's the way I lost fights too. Like somebody knocked me out. Oh, you would get cheap shotted. Yeah. They would flip at you.

I think I'm the one that tried to cheap shot him first. So that's what happens. Okay. And I missed. Oh. I got PCP. Dammit, PCP. So when I missed, he punched me in the back of my ear.

And then when I turned around, his missed he punched me in the back of my ear and then when I turned around his other hand hit me in the face like right in my eye and then Since I'm not a fighter. I reached out to rub my hand instead of blocking my face He hit me in the other side of the face So by this time I just grabbed him By the head and I just bit his ear. Sure. This is 1991 Mike Tyson. Yeah, I've seen Mike Tyson.

It was six years before Mike Tyson. Oh, and some nasty stuff in there. There needs to be a bite almost. When I saw Mike Tyson do that, I knew that his mentality in his head, like why he did that. What is it? He's losing. Yeah. He's losing. And you just animalize him. that, um, his mentality in his head, like why he did that. What is it?

He's losing. Yeah. He's losing. And you just, animal instinct kicks in. Yeah. You're losing and in your head you feel you're going to die or this person is going to kill you. Yes.

You got to go for your animal instincts. Yeah. Before I held him, he was already, he was choking me already. Like when I was holding him, he let go, he got out. You little devil, you, he got out. And then he was choking me. And that's when I saw his ear and I put his head closer to my mouth and I bit it. And did you, oh, he screamed, man.

Did you take a chunk of it? Yeah, I spit it out. How much? It was like a, the tip where the earring goes. Got it. That's pretty thick. Yeah and I man a lot of blood came out over the lower my shirt. Then I'm sorry just took my belt off. Started whipping him like a runaway slave you know. In front of everybody. And he's there he's got a third of his ears gone, or a quarter, and he doesn't run away?

No, man, this guy's a hardcore gangbanger. So, and then you took off your belt, and you're... I started whipping him, and the rest of that is blank to me after that. I don't know what happened. Yeah, okay, then what do you do? I blanked out for, I guess, six hours, maybe, The rest of that is blank to me after that. I don't know what happened. Yeah. Okay, then what do you do? I blanked out for, I guess, six hours maybe,

because I don't remember anything after that, six hours later. So like, you remember just like your point of view, whip, whip, dudes, da da da da, and then you come to and where are you? I'm holding a hot beer, a 40 ounceer, and it's like half full, but it's really hot, but I'm still drinking it.

Hot. The sun is hitting my face. It's day. Yeah, it's like. So it's the next day? The next day. It's like 90 degrees, it's hot. My shirt looks like someone threw a bowl of menudo at me,

but it's all blood, you know? And my shoes are bloody. And then somebody told me, hey man, you have a brick black eye too. I look like I be, I look bad too, my face are bloody. And then somebody told me, hey man, you have a brick black eye too. I look like I be, I look bad too, my face looks bad. And everybody's telling me, man, you should clean up, because you don't look too good. And I said, you should see the other guy.

Yeah, I didn't say that. Then I go, what happened, man? I told him what happened. He go, what do you mean what happened? He go, you started finding that guy and after that you started chasing everyone with your belt, not just that guy. You're like Larry from the little league game.

I'm like, pootie time, bro. Pa-pa. Yeah, shit. You're a pootie time. Sa-da-tay. So, okay, but didn't you then, like, the guy was after you? I kept partying more, two more days. Two more days. Yes.

So there was just a way to stay, there were enough available people to fuck with, to party with. Oh yeah, man, the housing projects. So you just be like, what, and you kind of know everybody? Yeah, I kind of know everybody. And you have a good, your reputation is like you're a funny dude? I'm a cool guy. Cool, all right, great.

So, and I'm also part of another, a different gang from that neighborhood too. So you're two timing? Yeah, I live in a gang, I live with a gang that I'm not from, but my mom lives there, so it don't do me nothing, my mom lives there. Great. But I grew up with everybody there.

Except the guy that I beat up. I didn't grow up with him. He was in prison the whole time. So, you keep drinking, smoke more PCP? And so one of the guy's friends comes up to me with a bat and he swings it over my head, like at full speed, and he misses, and I told him hey man what the fuck and then I threw my friend at him and fuck get this motherfucker off

me and then he just take the bat away from him and he's an older guy too and oh you're all bad you fucked up my friend, la la la la la. Oh man, you sent him to the hospital, he's in there with broken ribs, la la la. And I said, I didn't know that dude was in the hospital. Yeah. Like this whole time, I didn't know. Like this whole time.

Like two days of just partying. The cops are telling him in his bed, press, who did this to you? Tell us, press charges. Is he a slave owner? You're covered in whip scars. Is it a G100, who did it? Yeah, so, see, so.

He says, no, I don't know who did it. Okay. And then, cause he gonna handle it himself when he come to the hospital. And then, so the guy swings a bat, you hear about the guy being fucked up, are you apologetic or are you like, oh, I gotta get the fuck outta here?

Oh hell no, man. I'm like, he got what he deserved. Got it, okay. Street, you know what man? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause you live in that neighborhood, all you think about, oh, he got, yeah, he had it coming, you know.

Yeah, okay, So then what happens? My mom speaks to father Greg Boyle from homeboy industry. You tell your mom what happened? No, I don't know what happened. They already know. Okay. They saw the clothes.

Okay. They saw the clothes. They said, well, he either killed somebody or he murdered, they almost killed him. Yeah, he fucked somebody up and he's gonna be in a lot of trouble. Now these guys all want to beat me up and I'm not really afraid because I didn't think it was that big, you know, big of a deal, but it was a big deal.

And for my mom to go talk to a Catholic priest and they go to my house, look how stupid I am, okay? to a Catholic priest and they go to my house. Look how stupid I am. Okay. I have two cousins who live in like Santa Paula in Ventura County and they're well off. Like their dad is a homeowner and he built homes everywhere. Like he was hired one time to go build homes in

Vietnam for the people. Like his construction company. He's big, man. This is how stupid I was. I thought that, cause we went to their house to hang out. This is after when they were looking for me. I thought that when we went to their house, I thought that I was gonna stay there like Will Smith

and a French prince about there. You have the right house. I am Jeffrey, your uncle's butler. Oh, okay, well I cheer you on with all that rote tonight. If you get the opportunity, bring the horses around, would you? This is after you bit the dude or just? After. Okay, like a few days after.

Like, all right, well, this is, I lucked out. After you bit the dude or just? After. Okay, got it. Like a few days after. After. All right, well this is, I lucked out. I thought I was gonna live there and live in a construction company. Uh-huh. And. What was actually happening? Started off picking up nails.

You just happened to be there? Your mom just. My mom, my dad took me there. That's my dad's cousin. But nah, man, they didn't take me there. Okay, and then how's Greg Boyle get involved? So, Father Greg Boyle drives me to a meeting at a church in Narcotics Anonymous and then they introduced me to the pastor from the rehab, Jesse, and then they take me to rehab. And beyond the...

But I got ambushed though, because I never agreed to go. Yeah. They just told me to pack your stuff, you're leaving. You got jumped into rehab. Yeah. Basically. And do you think that was right?

Like looking back, are you like, oh yeah, I was a narcotic, I did belong in NA. No, I think, when I think about it, yeah, I think it was the right thing to do. I didn't want to be there. Right, but you had a drug problem? Yeah, I was smoking crack a lot afterwards, when I got a crack binge.

After the meth, I'm sorry, after the PCP. Yes. Before Greg Boyle. After I was jumped for doing all those, doing them extra drugs, I kept doing them, I didn't care. You didn't learn your lesson. Yeah, and then I was jumped for doing all those, doing them extra drugs. I kept doing them, I didn't care. You didn't learn your lesson. Yeah, and then I was doing, people give me crack to sell, and I just smoke it,

and I just, well, I beat his ass. Yeah. But then it got to too many people like that, so I would go to rehab. You must've, it sounds like you got good at getting your ass whooped. Yeah. Like you kind of know, what are some tips got good at getting your ass whooped. Yeah. Like you kind of know what are some tips if you're getting your ass whooped,

just cover up or. Oh man. If it's five of them, try to get too close to the biggest one and cheap shot him first, like knock it, try your hardest to knock him out while he's talking. And then when he's down, go for the smallest one right away. And then you got the middle guy and he's gonna be too afraid to get knocked out so he probably won't jump in. Are you an elbow person or a fist person? Yeah man, I don't, yeah, I'm a broken finger. I have no knuckles anymore. From fighting. From not knowing how to punch.

Cause I guess you watch MMA now and like Nate Diaz, like the way it's the way they hold their hands. And when you know, when you don't know how to fight, I guess you don't close your fist right. So you broke, you break a finger or you break a wrist, you break your hand. Yeah. That's me. All right. So you go to NA and then, and you, do you actually stay clean?

I go to NA and then I go to the, the live again recovery home in Sagas, California. And it was in the mountains, bro, like bad-ass mountains. And a bunch of guys, a bunch of older guys were there. I was the youngest guy there. Everybody was my 50 years old, 40, 49, 60, 52, 38, 30. There was nobody in their early 20s. I was the only crackhead there. Everybody there was for heroin. Yeah, that's funny.

All heroin, and they were all, some of them were like kicking heroin, you know? Yeah, that looks like fun, what you just did. The thing about those places to me is like, you get to speak about your emotions and shit. Or it was run really well. It was run like a course. The whole, like, we're all living together.

They ran it like, okay, in the morning you will get up at 7.30 and then you will go to mass, like a daily, like today's word is work harder. Why do we work hard? Then they'll talk about the daily, like a quote. Yeah. That's at 7.30. Then we'll go do chores real fast for like 30, 35 minutes,

like raking, the whole area. Yeah, sleeping, yeah. Then we go to breakfast. Then classes start. Like the first class could be a meeting. And then the next one is a Narcotics Anonymous meeting. The other one is, I forgot the other meeting was, but then like seven people who are crazier

will leave in a van to go to an anger managed meeting. And then we will stay there. On Sunday, everybody will- Would you go to anger management? No, I never, I would argue with them when they came back. How come you just don't get angry, bro? Yeah. There was this one guy, he used to wet his pants.

I don't know why. I guess he was going through his issues growing up psychologically, I guess. As soon as he stopped doing drugs, he said he became a bed wetter again. And I was like, and he asked me, were you always a bedwetter? Yeah, it was when I was like five and six, but then, but you're a bedwetter when you're a heronotic?

Never. But then he said, he's a bedwetter again. So anyways, he was also an anger management class. Yeah. So he would always leave. So did you do, doing this stuff, did you feel like, oh, this is actually kind of cool and helpful? I did, I loved it. So he will always leave. So did you do, doing this stuff, did you feel like, Oh, this is actually kind of cool and helpful.

I did. I loved it. Cause I thought I was, cause I would like school anyways, so being part of a routine. Yeah. I'm gonna get A's, I'm gonna get all A's, but at one point I did have a B average. Great. But I love school man.

Cause you know, you get to hang around people. Yeah. I just like the socializing. Yeah, there's this yeah so um this guy came in um His name Tim and brother Tim he's like a Jesuit Brother mm-hmm cuz you know that they have mothers. They have sisters. He's a brother. He's like what? Not your liberty is.

Okay, I got it. Yeah, he's that guy. He will go to the rehab every once a week to talk to anybody who's Catholic or anybody who wants to join the meeting. Because not everybody in rehab was Catholic. There was one Jewish guy, one Mormon, one Muslim, and the rest were Christian, Pentecostal,

and the other half was Catholic. So he would talk to us about stuff, mental stuff, I guess. He would give us little things. How do you feel today? And then everybody would just write it in and turn it in. And then he would just rip it. He never read it.

And everybody would be like, what the fuck, Holmes? I put in what I did right there, Holmes. He goes, no, you know, he goes, it was just a learning thing he says. Nobody really got it. I get it now. He just wanted everybody to just ponder the day. Sometimes you go to your,

you start focusing on the bad shit. But everybody who wrote on the list only wrote the good shit. They were like the bad shit. And they were mad, yeah. Yeah. All right, and did it feel like, wrote the good shit they write the bad shit and they were mad yeah yeah all right and did you and did it feel like it would be helpful for I always don't feel like those places would be helpful for kind of anybody no because a lot of

you will quit now everybody made it I remember um seen a heroin addicts like stay up late at night struggling you know for and then did you struggle was it like did you weren't kicking right my mental in what way where you feel like a loser and you crying all the time is that how you felt yeah did you feel like that a loser why because I took cuz um cuz I I think crack is the upper. So you're up man and you feel like you're a thousand bucks, a million bucks. Yeah.

And I was like, I loved it. I like doing it. Yeah. And then so to not, so like you had all those like chemicals in your brain released and then to come down. But what do you feel like normally? Because do you consider yourself sober now? Yeah, I haven't done drugs like that since oh nine.

You smoke weed? Yeah. And you drink still? Yeah, no, I don't drink. So you smoke weed and do mushrooms? Yeah, but I don't drink. Yeah, why don't you drink? Cause I think that's, that was my downfall was alcohol.

Cause whenever I would drink, I would do drugs. I would do cocaine, I would do TCP. I've never touched any of those drugs sober. Like I never woke up in the morning and go, let's get down, let's get some coke. Man, it's always, let's get some Hennessy, some Jameson. And then that's the gateway. Got it.

And then that'll lead you there. Yeah. I need something to lead me there because I guess I'm a big wimp. I don't have confidence. I lack a lot of confidence in life too, I guess. Inner confidence. So I think alcohol, it helps me take it to the next level.

I can't go there without alcohol. I know that now. Okay, so now how do you behave? Is your life boring without it? No. How often do you do shrooms and smoke weed? I smoke weed like every day. Okay.

Shrooms only when I like, like if I'm like, I'm not gonna do nothing today. Then I feel like I wake up bummed or I saw the wrong video in the morning or. What's the wrong video? A bunch of hyenas attacking a bison and then the baby inside pops out in a little pouch and everybody rips at it.

That is the wrong video, yep. Yep, you don't wanna see that. So I block now, like when they pop up, not interested. Not interested. Yeah. Okay, and is it easier to be you now than it was when you were 20? Yeah, it is, man. In what way?

When I was 20, I had a baby already from that woman I used to get. The park? Yeah, the park. Right. I got her pregnant in high school. Sweet. That's when I became a raging alcoholic

as a single father. That's when I drank the most because I was not doing drugs then. was just I wasn't even smoking pot I was just drinking and she didn't want me to drink but I wanted to drink I don't know why just wanted to drink. Maybe I didn't want to deal with being a single father in 19 But I remember It's like it's coming to me like I was yesterday. I remember getting off of work and coming home and I'm gonna go take a shower.

And I put like a bubble bath and the doors loud and I take a six pack of Budweiser out of my backpack and I get drunk in a bathtub. Listening to the doors? Yeah. Fantastic, I loved your in a bathtub. Listen to the doors? Yeah. Fantastic. I love your playlist back then. I had to, man.

I was, the soft parade has just begun. That's so funny. And did you, and now you're, that baby's an adult. And what are the stresses of your life now? I get real nervous when I have to do like a meeting. I don't know why. When I gotta meet a bunch of people, like I was panicking before this podcast.

Were you really? Because the Uber driver dropped me off. The first number I saw when he dropped me off was 2255 and it was 2228, I don't know the address, or 42, yeah, 48. But then I said, oh, okay, the numbers jump big here. Can you go from 10 to 80, how do you do that? Yeah, you thought you were lost?

Yeah, and then I was like, what am I gonna say? I don't wanna sound stupid. New brand, new smart. Is that what you think? Like that you, is your worry for yourself, is that you're gonna look stupid? Yeah, or sound dumb or say the wrong thing. I mean, if you wanna know what I,

as a quote unquote smart person, whenever I would, you look like you're gonna be stupid and then your jokes are so fucking hilariously smart that it's like a dub, they'd be funny jokes anyway, and then the fact that they come out of you makes them like doubly satisfying. I'm always, everything you say surprises me. Literally everything you've ever said, I'm like, I didn't know that he was going to say that. I didn't think you were going to be listening to the doors. I

didn't think you'd bite the guy's ear off. I didn't think you'd write like your sobriety story. I don't think you take why you take mushrooms. I didn't know what the wrong video everything you say surprises me. So like you've I've never thought Felipe's too, but I've always thought like that guy's brilliant. He just, he just, you're, and you also look like you're supposed to look. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Like you, this is what you're supposed to look like. Um, so I'm, I'm pleased.

So you've satisfied me in every possible way, like as a person, as a comedian, despite me in every possible way. Like as a person, as a comedian. My question is, you mentioned the, you had a stuttering problem. Yes. Which it- I'm gonna kill my right now, still do. I, I, I, I surprised you.

When I was, yeah, I didn't know that. I, man, I get like, when I think about my speech impairment, my starting problem when I was a kid, then I think about my school, my elementary school, exactly where it was located. It was like, it was, my elementary school was inside the projects. Like, like sometimes, like all these other elementary schools,

when you cross the street, you're in a neighborhood or there's a Starbucks or there's life. My school, as soon as you got out, you're back in the projects. Like you could see the school, you're playing in a playground, you can see the projects, you can see people fighting and drinking, smoking weed. So I guess there was more money back then to be thrown at schools, especially my school, which was in, I mean nobody in the neighborhood is a taxpayer, you know, but I guess money came to that school. There was enough money for, I guess, all the schools in Los Angeles plus our little school that my teacher noticed that a starting problem and other teachers started noticing other

kids. So, they grabbed all the stuttering kids out of the class and they put them in one class for an hour once a week. So they'll put us together and they would help us to enunciate and we became the that class ended up being the speech class of the school. So whenever there was an announcement to be read, we had to do it. It's like, it's obviously funny, but it's, I get what they're doing. Yeah, but they would give me the Spanish ones.

So I would have to read in Spanish and then read in English, but I didn't get it because right after I stopped reading, I went back to stuttering. That's, so you could do it. When you did it, when you did the announcement. You know stutter. You know there's a whole movie called The King's Speech.

Yeah, I didn't see it, but. He had to memorize the speech, right? I don't know. Oh. I didn't see it. But I, that's what the whole, I think the whole thing was about. The, so you would, could do it without stuttering. Yeah.

Why? I don't know, magic? Magic. Yeah. I could read it without stuttering, but I just couldn't say it without stuttering. And did you, you said, so it's a combination of that plus just domestic violence.

Yeah. And it sort of put a hiccup in your nervous system. Yeah, and then a lot of my friends, they would make fun of my speech whenever we would roast each other. So I would make fun of somebody's mom, like, it goes, your mom, I heard your mom laugh, huh? She said she wouldn't go buy candles and bone down, huh?

On your birthday, that's fucked up. And then somebody will say, fuck you man, you fucking, don't start doing my voice, fuck you man, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, that's the note of my voice. Is that, was that what the stutter sounded like? That's what they, according to them. Right. Yeah.

What was it actually? I don't know. Okay, so even- It wasn't that bad, but to them I guess it was. So it would just be like, that kind of thing. Yeah. I don't even like stuttering around people that have one because I don't want to like trigger you into doing it.

Well, mine will come out during fear or maybe I don't even know when it came out. Maybe it started when I saw the guy getting stabbed. You know, they didn't say anything, because we were all like. Yeah, and did you. Our lifestyle right there. Right, but did, yeah, but do,

I would assume there's a few moments like that growing up in a shitty neighborhood. And then did going to NA and 12 Step programs like make you realize like, oh, when did you start being able to like look at this stuff and be like? Oh man, when I was a comic, I met this, I was hanging out with an older comic,

and it was like a asshole, right, piece of shit. But it was cool, you know? And I guess he grew up with a very toxic mother also. And I grew up with mom and dad. He grew up with a toxic mom So his advice was always from his mom's point of view. He goes now, bro What you gotta do dog is get a bunch of toilet paper and stuff it in your mouth and then read out loud So I said so I was like nobody ever gave me advice in my life so I got a bunch of toilet paper and I got my book.

I started walking around the reservoir in Silver Lake. Just reading my book over and over, over and over, over and over. And did it help? Yeah. That got rid of the stutter basically. No, yeah, I guess yeah, for some time. That's so funny.

And what did people think you were doing? I don't know. I thought it was crazy. And then you got one, the need for respect and feeling slighted. Story of every comment. Yeah, no, and then it's sometimes obsessing on the slighted feeling.

Yeah, man. Oh, like when I get asked to do stuff, like when I get asked to do Netflix a joke, I said, yeah. Second time, always, my first time was, I'm not gonna do this shit no more, man. And they asked me why. Because you see that fucking,

you just have all those photos at the end when they posted all those comics, I was in one of them. Because they were posting, that's what I was saying. They were posting comedians that did little as 100, 100 seater rooms that were half full. Yeah.

Comedians that did 200 seaters that were half full. You know, there was comedians that sold out 500 seaters, you know, with Chappelle, you know, while deserving Hollywood Bowl. But I sold out the Orpheum with Paul Rodriguez. Yeah. You know, I sold it out. Then I had a Paul Rodriguez on the show.

Yeah. Not one photo. Not one like, oh, we had Felipe Esparza here. So then I'm thinking about, I'm saying to myself, you know what? This shit's just for white comics again. Then I don't wanna do it again. Then I have to argue with my manager and my wife,

they gotta talk me into doing it again. So this time I said yes, and then when the flyer came out, my name not even in the flyer. Everybody else names, and they said, wow, they didn't have time to write it they added they didn't have time to add it right they didn't have time no but we were asking them shows a flyer before it goes out to make sure my name is there and my name was not on it yeah I'm still doing it can I you want to hear mine in my show is sold out

they're still pumping up shows that hey, no kidding. Cause they need to promote them. Yeah. Uh, they don't, you don't need promo. I don't need promo. You do your own. I mean, that's the, I can, I can, I, of course I relate and it never changes. Never.

It does not matter. I'm a smart comic, a white comic. It doesn't make it, they're gonna, we're gonna figure out a way to feel slighted. We just, that's our sort of like, our orientation is to like look for ways in which we're being fucked and slighted. My parents always say this, you know what happened?

I know what happened, man. They hired some little white girl who's 22 from Omaha, Nebraska, who's cute, and she don't know shit. Mm-hmm, yeah. And she just don't know shit. Yeah, you'll think it's a conspiracy to fuck you over, and it's like, Yeah, so now I see it like they hired a young millennial

who doesn't know anything, who's just saying yes to everybody and that person gonna move up ahead. Yeah, and by the way, and you'll keep crushing. Yeah. It doesn't make a difference. I get it, it can be like inspiring in a negative, in like, it can inspire you to be great out of spite,

which is like, by the way, I know people who, when they win awards in comedy will look for spite. Yeah. Intentionally, cause they meaning I know a black comic who's one of the most successful comedians ever. When he wins things or gets some shit, he'll look for white kids saying the N word on YouTube to like make himself crazy.

Damn, that's crazy. Yeah, so like, you can either be delivered to you or you can look for it. Because you, because by the way, you're probably doing comedy for that, for some slighted reason anyway. I remember when I did, I was in Amsterdam. And I was so, so happy that I went to the side of the stage,

started crying like a lost boy at my achievement, you know? like a lost boy at my achievement, you know? And I didn't know that by crying and all that, that I was gonna sabotage that moment for myself, and I did. What did you say, you cried before your set or after? No, afterwards, because I crushed it at the, some show I did on some show called, Ramon is Lying! Ramon is Lying!

It was Raymond is late, it's the talk show in Amsterdam. And I killed it bro with my English set. And I was so happy and I started crying. But I remember that, that happened to me a lot in my life. I was supposed to be at the greatest moment, but I find a way to feel sad about it. When I talked to my friends who grew up in my neighborhood, I know a guy that's, he's like an artist, a painter

and I asked him, do you ever like go to a site and weep after your accomplishments? He goes, yeah. Because you're trying to find a way to sabotage it even though you don't want to sabotage it. He goes, yeah. Where did that come from? You know? from you know I don't know I guess because I have so as he said he said this I guess because I have so much shit thrown at me my whole life I feel like they should be throwing shit at me right now and I wanted to be throwing shit I want shit to be thrown at me yeah and you get sick of and you get tired of shit being thrown at you. And you're like, when are there's going to be some flowers? And then, but, uh, flowers doesn't, it's like people complain about there should be an Academy, there should be

an Oscar for comedy. And I'm like, I don't want, no one gets funnier by getting an Oscar. I know man. That's the, that's the downside of it's's like you're not, you want your fucking name on a whatever montage that's on social media that you're, you know what I mean? Like, are you gonna be funnier?

I know, like that moment in Amsterdam, I don't even remember it that way, that being on TV. All I remember was doing heroin in Rotterdam. Same trip? Yeah, after my sad, after I finished crying and felt happy, I got into a fight with my partner I was with and I just, I found a crack house

within 30 minutes and I just let it all go. So you kind of fucked the moment up you think? Yeah. I started smoking crack again. After I was sober for like 11 years. And? And heroin too, I was smoking heroin for the first time in Amsterdam.

How long did you, and how long did that binge last? Oh that one, that one lasted, I missed my flight and they were looking for me, the people from the area. Mm-hmm. And when I finally got back to the hotel room, they already had packed my stuff for me and they gave me a ride to the airport and they put me on a plane. Then when I landed, I went straight to party.

And how long did you party for? Partied for like six months, then I stopped again for about a year. All right, well next time something great happens, just look up videos of white kids sending. I'll send you, I'll send you a video of me saying derogatory shit about Mexicans. How about that, instead of doing heroin? Deal? I'll send you a video of me saying derogatory shit about maximums.

How about that instead of doing heroin? Deal? I'll go back to that. I'll go back to this, we'll go watch my credit and a movie coming out with my name is about to get mad. Yeah, fine. Whatever it be.

Oh dude, on my special, on my special, on my special, it was my first special, it was great. I cut little pieces, it goes viral, but I still think about how the guy introduced me wrong. Yeah. He said, Phillip Esparza. Yeah, fine, fine, whatever you gotta do. Whatever you gotta do, just don't do drugs to get there.

Can I say, cause my mom would always find something wrong on me when I was little. Like I tell her, mom, I got all AIDS. Yeah, but your breath really smells like shit right now. Can you get out of my face? Yeah. So you're doing it to yourself. I'll do it to myself. Yeah. Well, another piece of advice? Just figure that out. I do it to myself because my mom did it to me. There you go.

I'm not used to it. And then that's been a problem too on women I've been with. They are critical of you? No, they're looking, how do I look? Oh, I look great but your ears are huge. One time I was with a beautiful girl and everything was going great. I noticed that she got a nose job

and she was so pretty too. She started noticing that I was calling everybody a different name. Like, Hey, the Katrine, which is me, the gentleman, this guy, the joker. She said, what would be my nickname? And I said, Schnauzer. And then she got up and left. And there I saw her again. Cause you're critical.

You do it to other people, gets done to you. Yeah. Yeah. I gotta stop. We all gotta stop. We gotta stop all this shit, believe it. Cause I do it to random people. I walk in, I'm hanging out with a comrade.

You know, like at an airport, you hang out with a comrade. You never hang out with an LA. Yeah. But you see what they are at the LAX. You both having a coffee and walking with him. Look at this big nose bitch right here, man. Yeah. Yeah.

That's the job. Phillip Esparza, ladies and gentlemen. Now you're supposed to have it, supposed to have it red, my man All you have to do is open, open up your hand, my man