Blocks w/ Neal Brennan - Mark Normand: I Wish I Knew

Episode Date: October 1, 2026

Mark Normand returns to Blocks with Neal Brennan to talk about what he wishes he knew sooner: how much time a phone can steal, why trying so hard to be the funny guy can backfire, and why getting older doesn’t automatically make you feel like an adult.Mark and Neal also get into fatherhood, anxiety, drinking, the old New York comedy scene, taking more photos, and trying to raise a kid without passing down all your own baggage. ---------------------------------------------------------- Subscribe to  ⁨@marknormand⁩  -------------------------- CHAPTERS 00:00 Mark Normand returns / I Wish I Knew 03:46 Always needing to be productive 05:49 How fatherhood changes you 10:21 Netflix, YouTube & building a comedy career 12:12 “I thought the world would be more fun” 21:40 Sponsor: Huel 23:57 Sponsor: Tushy 26:03 Sponsor: ZocDoc 28:20 Phone addiction & the pressure to post 35:40 Trying too hard to be the funny guy 40:07 Coming up in New York comedy 44:48 The old Comedy Cellar atmosphere 47:42 Friends who tell you the truth 50:14 Sponsor: Quince 52:04 Sponsor: Ultra 54:12 Remembering your life & taking photos 58:42 The pressure to be a good parent 1:04:01 Getting older doesn’t mean feeling grown up 1:11:40 Podcasts & staying connected 1:15:14 Wrap-up ---------------------------------------------------------- Follow Neal Brennan: https://www.instagram.com/nealbrennan https://twitter.com/nealbrennan https://www.tiktok.com/@mrnealbrennan Watch Neal Brennan: Crazy Good on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/81728557 Watch Neal Brennan: Blocks on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/81036234 Theme music by Electric Guest (unreleased). Edited by Will Hagle ---------------------------------------------------------- Sponsors: Visit https://www.Huel.com/NEAL and use code NEAL for 15% OFF online. Over 2 Million Butts Love TUSHY. Get 10% off TUSHY with the code NEAL at https://hellotushy.com/NEAL Ready to be seen? Check that appointment off your to-do list with Zocdoc ✅ : https://zocdoc.com/neal Don’t sleep on @ultrapouches New customers get 15% Off with code NEAL at takeultra.com! #UltraPouches #MarkNormand #NealBrennan #iwishiknew #BlocksPodcast #StandupComedy #MentalHealth #ComedyInterview #regrets #PodcastFullEpisode Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

My guest, hello, guys, we've changed the premise of the podcast. We're going with things that we wish we knew sooner. I don't know what I'm going to title it. It's going to be one of those like blocks, colon, maybe I wish I knew. My guest today, he was a good first guest on blocks years ago. Oh, thank you. He would take antipsychotics to sleep. He would do pull-ups during, he would do exercise.

He would do pull-ups on the street. before sets. And he had a lot of ticks. He would go like in his house. Yeah, well, you remember this? Oh, yeah. We've had good conversations since, and he's got two Netflixes.

Yep. He's got numbers of Comedy Central specials. One of them he had the clap during it or something trickinosis. H. Pylori. H. Pylori. Is that true? Yeah, yeah.

You get it from eating ass. That's unbelievable. He's, or something. And, and he's a good, hilarious guy. He owes most of his career to Tony Hinchcliffe. That's where I got H. by Lorry. It's Mark Norman, ladies and gentlemen. Please clap.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Good to be here. Good to be here. Good to be. I'm looking at your, your things here. Your regrets. because you you're not you don't really seem to like to go into you're you you're smart and thoughtful and like neurotic but i think you try to just go like yeah yes get away get that out of here yeah i don't want to go deep yeah

yeah that wasn't how i was raised and probably you either no but i kind of like in high school i started like got into therapy like got into like yeah yeah there's a better way Sure, sure. We don't, this is wrong. Well, I think growing up, you went deep, and everybody goes, shut up, what are you? And it scars you and you go, okay, I'll never do that again. You know, like when I was a kid, I had crazy braces. Yeah.

So I never smile. And every note I get from, you know, acting coach or comedians, like, you got to smile. You got to smile more up there. And I never smile. But you, whenever I see photos of you, see, if I see photos of me on stage, I look like concerned. That's true.

But you look like you're having fun. I'm having a great time. I love doing stand. It reads though. It's like, ah, like every, like tonight, Mark Norman, yeah. As long as it's coming through, but if you look at any photo of me, I'm going, no, I know, but that looks like you're not mad. I look mad. Yeah, okay, that's true. Yeah, you look like an angry dad. That's what's got me to top of the best. But, uh, yeah, so, so it's nice to have you on here. But you also have, uh, legitimate regrets, which I'm excited about.

How do you like very quickly, just an update for are you still taking anti-sacic psychotic sleep? You're still doing pulps on the street. Yep. Are you still lifting your legs all the time? Yep. He lifts. See, this is actually a good exercise for everybody. True.

He keeps his leg lifts chronically. Yeah. You're always doing leg lifts. I do it on the subway. Then when the subway stops at a stop, I get to take a break. And then when the subway moves again, I pick a lot. He's got like right now. Okay, you're not doing it right now.

I just started because you've. Okay. So that means your feet are not on the ground. No. Get a shot of that, lady. Your feet are not on the ground. I'm doing it now just to play along. Feels good, right? It actually does. There's something. It's got a quality. It works the core and you're like, hey, I'm sitting here, but I'm doing something. Do you think you need to always be doing something?

Yes. It's all a fear of death and not being productive. And it's all, I'm wasting time. Life is fleeting. Come on. Do something. And what have been the rewarding things you've done? Well, you know, you get to, you're right, you get to produce, you get to create. So, you know, I'm here. Great. Yeah, I could have, it's 11 a.m. I could have stayed in and watched, I'm watching all the presidents on Netflix now. They got Lincoln. They got LBJ. They got Washington. They have a little mini-docis series.

I'm going through all of them. Great. Have they done all of them or they're just doing the stars? The big hits. Yeah, the early hits. They haven't gotten to, you know, car. harder yet, but it's like, you know, I didn't know anything about ULS. is as Grant. I'm learning all about him. Fascinating. And I think when I became a dad, it's, you start to realize, I always looked at dads like,

a guy in a suit and a cardigan, reading the paper with a pipe. But now I'm a dad. So now I look at presidents like, that's just a dude. That's just a guy with insecurities and a, ED and jealousy and all this. Well, that's the, I hope, if I ever interviewed a president. The question I've always wanted, I mean, and I don't think, like Trump, I don't think could answer it. I think Obama could probably answer it. I don't think, probably most of them couldn't answer it. I feel like Carter and Obama could answer. The question is, how do you feel like your personality affected that your decision made? Obviously, it does. Yeah. But the same thing of like insecurities. Yeah. So do you? How many gigs have you turned down where you're like, this guy wants to work with you? And you're like, that got shit on me once. Fuck him. I don't know working with him. But it could have been a great project. It could have been a huge thing.

Now imagine that for foreign affairs. Yeah. You know, or policies or something. Like, I'm not working with that guy. He's a cunt. Yeah. And I'm sure that comes up all the time. So there's so much ego involved and emotion involved, but we don't really get to see that.

And I think now as I'm older, I'm like, oh, that's got to be all wrapped up in presidency. Are you trying to be less of the bad parts of yourself because of the kid? Yeah, that is a real thing. What is it? You know when you're walking past a piece of garbage by your house and you're like, I should pick that up? Then you go, but I didn't put it there. Yep. Now I go, I would want my kid to pick it up or what if my kid's watching me through the window.

I'm picking it up. So the kid makes you better. And I'm assuming that there's a bunch of those besides litter. Yeah. I went out. I did side splitters recently and every night I drink like an animal after my shows because that's like my little reward. Hey, I wrote all day. I did two shows.

We had a good set. let's drink and now the kid I brought the kid to side splitters or to the to Florida with my wife and I'm like I'm not gonna drink I want to wake up early with the kid and play yeah so that helps there are you enjoying the playing oh it's great yeah it's hard because you're like keep it alive keep it alive he's walking near the pool but other than that it's like you get to show him shit I showed him Superman I showed him ice cream porn no but yeah we're having a great time and and he he's the best crowd because you He's so unpredictable.

You know, you're like, this joke's going to kill. With him, you're like, this is going to kill. He doesn't give a shit. But then this kills. Do you, can you write for him now? Do you know what I mean? Like, you know what he, because I, I, I have a son. So it's like, he actually said a thing that would sound like it would get me arrested.

I wasn't around. He goes, you know who loves penis jokes? Neal. Which I don't. It's more fart jokes. I don't know. Sure. But, but what are you?

What's his? What are his penis and fart jokes? Great quit. Well, this is a crazy thing. I've never told anybody this. I showed him as a goof. I just showed him a reel of mine. And I was like, let me find a reel with a lot of hits,

something that really was a big banger. And I showed it to him, and he doesn't know English yet. But he went, at the punchline, he went, huh. So the rhythm got him, which was, it blew my mind. I couldn't believe it. So he got the rhythm of the punchline. What joke was it? It was a joke about drunk driving.

Well, you youngsters, you got Uber now. Back in my day. wait a waiting up to that puppy all the way home. And so he doesn't know driving, he doesn't know drinking, he doesn't know any of it, but the joke hit, I can't remember how it goes, but it was... It's like you're good at it or texting or you were something? Yeah, yeah.

Like, oh, it was like, hey, I'm driving right now, I better stop texting, something like that, something silly. But he went, ha! And I remember it met the world to me because he got what I do. But I think most comedy just comes down to surprise. and with him, any kind of surprise blows his mind. They don't know anything that's going to happen. Exactly.

So if I'm like crawling on the ground and I pop up, even if he saw me crawling and I pop up, he laughs. Yeah, it's weird like they almost reward effort. Yes, yes. Like, well, I've been more surprised. You know, I got the rag going. Like they want the work. They want the stool hump.

Yes. Then you're like, look, I don't, I knew you were going to fuck the stool. But I appreciate it. Exactly. I told you, for J.B. Smooth once at Carolines. I went to the bathroom.

He was climbing the diamonds. Like the diamonds on the wall. He was climbing them. And the crowd was going crazy. And I was like, damn, this guy is working. I saw J.B.

Smooth. I was, there was a show in Montreal. I feel like Patrice was on it. And J. B. Smooth. This kid Brandon Jackson.

And Brandon Jackson did a bit. Where it was like, DJ hit it. It was about like horse and carriages. It was trying to be like how to be cool on a horse and carriage. And it was like DJ hit and he plays music and they and he does Brandon Jackson does it. And and J.B. had the same bit. And he just did his also.

20 minutes later and it kind of it like it was almost like they I had it worked. Yeah. Because he was so committed. Uh, even it was almost like. the audience knew that he knew someone else had done it. He's like, fuck it. You got to see mine. That's amazing.

And they were like, yes. Wow. Also yours. Well, I'm sure. I mean, we all watch Def Jam. There's eight Michael Jackson guys in a row. And everybody's fine with it. Yeah.

I mean, but Michael Jackson has a lot of, there's a lot of meat on the boat. That's true. To quote Jerry Sancho. Okay. So, but everything's going good. The career's going as good, if not better than ever. you, as I told Soter, I believe I would put you in this as much as maybe more than Soter. You transition from cable television to YouTube and social media as well or better than almost anybody.

Well, my cable television wasn't exactly that high of a, you know, I wasn't really soaring on cable. Well, that's what's weird is like I did, I got on Netflix. And I was like, ah, social media. Right. Whereas you guys, did you get on Netflix? And then you were like, you and Sam were like, we had to earn it through social media. Right. Maybe they said no.

And then you're like, I'll show you. Yes. And then they've completely come around. Completely. Which is like. It's so frustrating because I watch all these other comics. They get their first thing as a Netflix thing. And I'm like, ah, I had to like go to and kill Bill.

I had to go to the mountains and train with a guy alone and, you know, get my ass kicked. Then I got to be accepted. They just got accepted. Did you, are you glad? Are you better off, do you think? Probably, but it was way harder. Way more work. I mean, I had to write so many hours.

I'm on my seventh one. Yeah. I mean, I don't know what you're at. Six. Oh, yeah, but you got movies in there and stuff. Yeah, and a TV show. And TV show. So, and don't forget.

All those lows NFL ads, guys. Maybe an award show? Maybe Seth's correspondence dinner. All right. There you go. Hey, come on. And now I got a couple S&Ls in there. Okay.

So, you know, so that's where my material went. All right. So this is very things you wish you knew sooner. I'm going to start at the bottom. I thought the world would be more fun. Well. I'm, I know exactly. what you mean, but I want to hear what you

your take on it. Well, when I started comedy, you know, 06-ish, it was all about fun. It was about, it feels like the world used to be the NBA and now the world is the WNBA. Like the WNBA is a bunch of ladies who want to play basketball,

but all it is is culture war, trans, race now. Everything is just this gumbo of bummer, you know, fighting and well, that's white versus black. Yeah. The gorgeous white queen.

Yeah, yeah. She is incredibly good looking, but whatever. Sure, very pretty. White privilege. That's not what it's about for us. Yeah. But it used to be like, that's why I think the Knicks win was so cool. It was like, oh, nobody ruined this.

And Larry David. Nobody painted this with some bullshit internet fighting stuff. Yeah, grad school shit. Yeah, yeah, exactly. The tip in. Like the doctorate and the what is this meaning and the, what is, O.G.N. and O.G. Nobie is the America is an immigrant. Yes, exactly. You know, Seinfeld's out there like, this is crazy. It wasn't like Palestine.

Yeah. Well, they got them after the game. They got them after the game. All right. But you know what I'm saying? Yes. It feels like we're in this, this pot, and it's always boiling. And this is very new. And I blame, I think it's 60% social media, 40% Trump, you know, because Trump got everybody riled up. But then social media has got bots and comments and people have an algorithm that feed just to them so they hear their only bubble so then you hear it when they hear one more thing from

another side and they fucking flip out because they made that whole bubble their identity and I think uh I didn't see this coming and I keep thinking maybe it'll change maybe it'll go away I remember I thought COVID will bring us together yeah that made us worse I thought the internet would bring us together that made us worse so

do you think it's gotten because sometimes you'll do like trans jokes and I'm like ah like meaning I some of these things are for lack of a better term like Tempest in a teapot of just like these big non things that

seem like things. They get amplified by social media but I'm but I am with you in that it's less it's you have to think of the reaction to the reaction to the reaction to the reaction and you're just like this is a this is so

pointless because it's not helping anyone exactly and nothing's getting better everything's getting worse we keep doing that we got to save this and help that and be an activist, but it's all less fun and crumbling more. Yeah, well, that's, I, yeah, I have a joke that I've never done, but it's like, there are never been more jokes about, like, optimist or more videos about optimizing and, like,

podcast about, like, the best you. Is anyone you know getting better? Exactly, exactly. At anything. Everyone's just getting fucking worse. I know. And everything. And we're surrounded by, like, and I'm, I'm monitoring.

my chest sweat and my fucking sleep score and it's like you're just no one's better no no one's you're the only one picking up litter like but I but that's the weird thing is like there's all these you know watches and rings and fucking podcasts and cold plunges and heat and the only that made you change was having a fucking kid yeah which is what it's been for a million years I know, I know exactly. But there's more than that, it's just the, like when the boys won the hockey team, the Olympics. Yeah. Cash Patel's boy.

No, I'm kidding. But cash Patel kind of made it about. Oh, yeah, yeah. See, that's what I'm saying. Like, he's in there. So now the left hates it. And then Trump called him. They laughed at Trump.

And so we have to find these. It's almost like, you know, when you bring a girl a flower and she's like, that's it. Just one flower? and you're like, not a bouquet. You're like, I brought you a flower. I don't know. We do this thing where we have to find the evil or the negativity and then blow it up. You know, they have Antifa.

They have anti-fun. Yeah. There's anti-fun groups. By the way, they don't have Antifa. But go ahead. Okay. But that's like a non-thing. It's just a non-day.

Yeah, it's just not a thing. Oh, okay. Like, it's not a thing. It's just a, yeah. All right. Well, yeah. It's good enough for the bit. Okay.

But yeah. But yeah, there's just this. this fun suck coming in and it's not helping anybody and it's making everything worse and everyone fight more and dividing everyone more and I don't know how we're going to get out of it. Would you agree that it's better than it was three years ago or five years ago? Yeah, I guess. Yeah, that's true. That was just like witch hunt, go after everybody and like friends would go after you. Yeah. You know, that was terrifying. But I only think it was better because we didn't know how to handle it. You know, like it's better.

because we go, oh yeah, it's this thing again. When it was before, it was so new that we're like, what the fuck is this? What's going on here? Why do I have all these knives in my back? Why is this person hate me? Where'd this come from? When did that become problematic? Now when someone goes, you do this, I go, oh, we're doing that again.

Yeah. So I'm just aware of it now, and I'm not surprised by it. Whereas before, I think we were just surprised. I also don't think much stuff gets traction because it's like people try. There was a thing where someone got mad at you. And I texted you about it and you didn't even know about it. Oh, yeah. And then I was like, this is why I don't text people about their scandals.

Right, right. Because it wasn't even, it doesn't, it, because nothing takes off now. Right. Because it's just like, ah. Yeah. That's the only upside is like, that's true. People don't. But again, that's because it's, we've, we've dealt with it.

We're like, oh, this again. Do you think the lack of fun has to do with your age, meaning? No. I think it's the culture. Okay. So because you're still drinking, apparently. Yeah, I'm still having a great time. I can have a good time.

I'm, I'm Mr. Fun. I'm from New Orleans. I know how to have fun. I have fun on the road. I love the road. I love my friends. I have a pod where we drink. You know, I get to talk to you and Colin Quinn and Jerry Seinfeld and all these people.

So like, I'm having a blast. Yeah. But it's that it's just, you remember in Ghostbusters 2, there's that pink goo. And when you step in it, you turn mean and you start yelling at each other. That pink goo is running. through our veins now. Fuck microplastics. I'm worried about the goo. Yeah. I mean, I don't disagree. I wonder, I almost feel like the people that were really pushing it, um, realized it didn't work. That's my only feeling. It's like, it's or like it can be

turned against them. That's true. Like a guy just lost his job at Cambridge who was like a black, the youngest black professor. And it turned out a lot of him was bullshit. Yeah. And it's, and it's, It's like all this stuff, all this like scouring people's everything is going to come. It's going to come back to Hong Kong. Right, right. So like, why don't we all just kind of cool out a little bit? Yes, yes. And then people get mad when you even bring this up.

You're like, oh, here they got a couple of white guys. No, no, I don't, yes. Talking about cancer. Yeah. I'm talking about Canada. I'm talking about the overall vibe of the country. Yeah. I don't think we're, I don't think we're approaching it from like a, I think we're both moral people.

I don't, I mean, everybody thinks they're moral. But I don't see it as like, we've neither one of us has gotten especially canceled. No, I mean, it's just like not. By the way, I have a theory that you may or may not agree with. I actually think all this like energy is good for comedy as much as it's true. It does create, it makes it seem like, ah, like, uh, trans. And it's like, there's no real danger anymore.

I don't, yeah, I can go on a diatribe about that, but I hate these comments. comics who go like, you're talking about trans. It's so hacky. I'm like, oh, so you're icing out a whole topic? Get the fuck out of here. I just did a bunch of trans jokes in my last special. Every comment, I posted them. Every comment's like, I'm a trans person. Nice to see a good trans person. Hey, that's a funny trans. This is how you do it. And I'm like, there you go. If I listen to that guy, I would have just cut the whole bit. But I, it's weirdly like you can get a lot of seeming risk. It seems risky. Yeah, of course. And I'm not saying it's hacky. I'm just saying it, therefore, it's just the risk is not, it's all the people that got canceled were doing arenas. Right, right, right. It's like, oh, yeah. What's happening?

Uh-huh. Anyhow. But yeah, it's like Ozzy Osbourne bit into a bat and you're like, Jesus cry, this is crazy. But if you've been to a bat now, you'd be like, that's kind of weird. Yeah, you'd be like, Dr. Fauci. All right, here's a good one. Kind of 85 roll as a diary. I mean, strange.

That's your biggest issue. I actually think it is a good, like, why are you keeping a deer diet? Like on a- Yeah, is he a raceguard bed? Yeah, exactly. With his feet up. I heard from Barbara Streisand to it. Ugh.

Guys, you know how I feel about lunch taking too long? If only there was a powdered drink that gave you all the protein and all the mineral, everything you need it. Oh, whoopsie, Daisy. There is. Hewle. Hewle. I've been telling you about Hewle for, I don't know how many months, if not years. I ordered before they even were a sponsor, I ordered them. Hule's great, okay? Here's how I use it.

I've started juicing in the morning. It's smoothying, whatever you want to call it. And I was getting ready to get powder to put it. And I was like, what am I doing? Like, Hew's got a powder. Got the Heel powder. Got the vanilla. Putting it in. It's fantastic. On top of what I'm already drinking. the juice and smoothie. It's 30 seconds. It's everything I possibly need. And plus it's economical. Like the powder ends up starting at less than $3 per meal. The black edition powder is 40 grams of protein mixes with water or milk or juice in about 30 seconds. It's a complete meal you have instead of food, not a shake on top of food. 27 essential vitamins and minerals,

no artificial sweeteners, colors or flavors. The ready to drink bottle is the grab and go version 35 grams of protein seven grams of fiber under five dollars a meal here's the offer 15% off online for new customers look I have the ready to go also started hiking don't worry about it separate story brought a hule bottle the ready to drink RTD is known in the biz brought it on the hike great sipped it in front of a babbling brook it was pretty incredible wish it could have seen it it's just effective time it's just you you don't have it's like you have to do it the way you're told you know what I mean you don't have to eat lunch if you don't want to like go to the restaurant why can we see his me can I get a napkin what are you doing

here's a call to action you got to join me on this limited time offer make healthy eating simple get Huell today with my exclusive offer 15% off online with my code any a L at huel huel.com slash any a L that's huel.com slash any al new customers only thank you to Huel for for partnering and supporting our show. And thanks for being a product that I use. Huel.com slash any A.O. Guys, I feel like I'm ripping off Tushy. Why?

Because I am Tushy. I am a walking in body. When people go, hey, people see my industry, they go, hey, Tushy, Mr. Biday guy. You're the Biday guy. You're the Ayahuasca guy. And I go, no, you know. And they go, oh, no, yeah, you're right.

You're a bidet guy. I've been on the Biday game since the mid-2000s. I had a girlfriend named Samira. She got me another brand, very expensive, hard to install. I believe the woman who installed it broke the water pain. That's not, I'm not making that up. I've been in the game, and then Tushy came, and they made the game a thing that everyone can do. Bidays for the rest of us.

You know what I mean? Now they're stepping up. They've been in their game for a while. HelloTushy.com, and now they've stepped up. They got the normal bidet. Then they've got the e-baday, which is it's heated seat, heated water, instantly modernize your daily routine and bathroom. It's nice. That's all I'm saying. I'm not going to tell you how to live your life. It's real. And they have a dryer, which they didn't need to add that and they did it.

The normal Tushabody, they attach to your existing toilet without need for any additional plumbing. E-Baday is only need an outlet. Instead of wiping endlessly with toilet paper, Tushy pristinely removes 99% of bacteria while protecting your natural skin berry, thanks to the number one natural ingredient, fresh water. Here's the call to action. I can't believe you haven't already gotten a Tushy. Don't settle for a subpar bathroom routine. For a limited time, our listeners get 10% off their first bidet order

when you use code any a L a checkout that's 10% off your first bidet order at hello T-E-L-O-T-U-S-H-H-Y.com slash neal. Promo code, Neal. Any-A-L-10% off your first bidet. I mean, dude, it would mean the world to me if every time you went to the bathroom, you thought of your boy. Hellotouchy.com. I wish I knew about the days, but I did know.

So I was trying to make it work for the podcast, but I didn't need to. Oh, this is what I wanted to tell you guys. I'm having something of a health renaissance, meaning I was on the go for a lot of years, and there's some things that I've been meaning to look at that I'm finally taking a look at. For instance, my eyes are watery, have been watery, I don't know, let's go 20 years, and I finally made, I went to the allergist, that didn't work. Then I made an appointment with the ophthalmologist, and it turns out the, the, dry eye, which you hear a lot about, and the drainage wasn't happening properly.

And so they literally yesterday put plugs in my eyelids, and I can't remember what they're called, but they're plugs, they're tiny plugs in my eyelids. I can't see them, you can't see them. They're there. Believe me. And how did I do all this? I did it, guys, through the magic of Zok-Dak. The thing about Zok-Dak is it's basically a one-stop shop. for all your medical needs. You type in where you are, you type in what kind of doctor. You can just type in like arm and it'll tell you orthopedic, like it'll give you the things that you don't need to know anything about medicine.

You just go like, head, and it'll give you the head people. Zoc Doc let you search and compare high quality in network doctors. They got over 150,000 providers within 200 plus specialities. All 50 states. It's just good and effective, and I wish I knew about it sooner. I've literally gone to the allerg and the ophthalmologist through Zok doc. And I'll be honest with you. I'm about to go through.

We got some hip stuff going on that I even tell you about it. Don't worry. It's going to be fine. Guys, here's the call to action. I need you to focus. Your health matters and taking care of yourself shouldn't be complicated. Ready to be seen. head to ZocDoc.com slash N-E-A-L to get started and check that appointment off your to-do list

that Zoc-Z-O-C doc-D-O-C dot com slash any al-Z-D-A-L. Zok-D-A-L. Also, free. Try it out. Phone time is a regret. Yeah, yeah, talk to me. Well, the phone, you know, it's the oldest joke. Ronnie Chang's got the best joke. In 50 years, we're going to look at the internet the same way we look at smoking right now.

It's going to be like, man, I can't believe 50 years ago, we just let pregnant people use the internet. But I wish I knew the phone was like a mean, scary, addictive thing before I got a phone. Like, phones came in what? 2008, 9, 10? Like, in a smartphone was it, oh, wait. Yeah, and then it kept getting better. And then everybody's staring at it. And then it's plateaued for the last 10 years.

Yeah, exactly. but it's it's all we do it's our whole world revolves around it and then and then like you take a break from it and then you're you Jones and have withdrawals but then you feel great yeah like didn't you go on a retreat once yeah no phone I think about it all the time I thought because it's the dumbest it's just proof that how dumb we are it was one of the best days of my life the third day of the retreat silent meditation retreat truly I felt the best all day and I and it was was 11 years ago and I haven't done it since, although there's a longer version of this,

which is like I use it significantly less. Like I truly am not on Instagram. Wow, good for you. I just don't do it. And I had a joke go get popular and I had no. Oh, that's fun. I didn't have to like ride it. Yeah.

Like let me just, I should check. Right. I want to see the haters. Yeah. This isn't about my fucking mental state and dopamine and that it's hack. So, but yeah, it's the, it's so, we all know it. I know. We know.

We still can't stop because it has been, you know, the email, the GPS. It has like a calculator, whatever, good stuff. So it's got the level. You can do the level. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So you can be like, you can keep like a, like a whiskey bottle has no level, you know. So it.

it can keep you going and oh I watch what's funny is it actually is a level that's true that's true yeah it's yeah but uh you know I can go hey how do I change this alternator YouTube yeah oh my god this phone is amazing it's so helpful so

it's hard to put the fucker down but and then you feel also I'm such a psycho I'm like if I don't post I won't be relevant yeah get all about me I'll be but by the way I still don't know if that's true do you know what I mean Of course not. Because I don't know what makes...

Do you have to post yourself? Couldn't you pay someone? Sure. Whatever you pay someone would be worth it. Yeah, yeah. Probably. That's true. For whatever peace of mind you're getting.

But then people go, well, you're a comedian. You got to know all about Fauci's diary. How are you going to write jokes? Yeah. I guess, but why do I have to write Fauci jokes? I want to write jokes about my life. Yeah. And what are you going to do about it?

I've cut back. But yeah. You have? Yeah, I just wish I knew earlier that how evil it was going to be, or not evil, but how time-consuming. Because, you know, as I said, life is fleeting. And I'll tell you, if we go to, we're on that deathbed and someone showed you your screen time, you'd just kill yourself right there. Yeah. That would be so depressing.

And I also think that's why, like, the Malanis of the world are so. I look up to this guy because he doesn't put, I've never seen a Malaney clip that he posted and he writes a funny caption with a hashtag. And then responds. And then responds. I've never seen him do that and then he's doing the garden Cardi Hall, Beacon, whatever Joe's Pub. So I'm like, that's

the way to do it. Gillis too. Gillis isn't out there going like, let me edit this a little better. I need a caption here. Yeah. Okay, you know, he's just doing tires. He's doing movies. He's doing arenas. Yeah. I'm not jealous of the arenas. I'm jealous that they're not posting.

I feel like if I stop posting, I sell pretty well in the road and I feel like it would dwindle. Well, I can't prove your right or wrong. You might be right about like the I think part of your appeal is that you're engaged I don't disagree with it. I think that's part of your appeal or like you post a lot. I don't know if you post every day, but like every three days, probably. Yeah, it seems like every day.

Wow. You know what I mean? Like I don't I don't see the ones that don't do you, whatever. I'm not on there, but when I used to, man, back in the old days, when I used to be on. Oh, yeah. But I, you know, you, you try it. Yeah, maybe I'll try. Have somebody do it for you.

All right. But it's also a low self-esteem thing. I'm like, they're going to forget me. I would forget me. Yeah. So I got, and then you feel that guilt of like, am I not working hard enough? You got to bust your ass in this business. I'm lucky to be a comedian.

I should be grinding. Well, what about the idea of like having somebody put posts out and then have you tried it? I don't know. It just seems like it seems like you're active. That's like whether I know you're posting or not My joke did good I don't people don't know that I didn't that I told the guy to do it That's true now you're right you're right

But then you go to the clubs and you got to hire a video guy And then the video guy shoots everything It was an old joke Oh okay Okay And again like the video guy and the thing I'm with you in terms of like that You do but you have a lot of video guy no

I do yeah I do but I'm just saying that's a whole new part of the job where I'm, that's why I'm jealous of these other guys, because I'm juggling a video guy, then you got to get the video from the guy, get it to an editor, he sends you a cut and you go, I would lose that line and now we're, and I guess, you know, that's I'm just bitching about my job,

but for some reason, some people, that's not their job, and I guess I'm jealous of those people. Yeah, but they have to worry about like people stealing their money and they have that's true. They have their own problem. That's true. Malini's trying not to drink. Shane's trying to drink.

It's center, it's. Well, that's what the Malaney drug thing was so fun because you're like, oh, he's flawed, he is human because I just see him as this killer comic, you know, with a suit on. My favorite Malini story ever is, Malini's on stage and I'm watching him with Ian Edwards. And I was like, he's good, isn't he?

And Ian, this is 15 years ago, goes, yeah, but what's he hiding? Ah! Which is like, he was. He was, yeah. He sure was. Ian is underrated. He's one of the greatest joke. One of the greatest comedy minds I've ever met.

Come on. Swear to God. Like literally premises where you like, he is the best ghosting joke ever. Last girl I dated ghosted me. Yeah. She died. That's it. That's it.

Pack it up, guys. Go home. He's got it. He had a great ice joke. he's like ice is so bad we like police again yeah i was like oh yeah he's got like the whatever he just got the best angle on at most things yeah all right here's a good one uh don't try so hard oh yeah that's an old chill guy is better yeah i should have written this better sorry no don't worry no good um uh well in my younger years i think i grew up with this wild group of feral guy my my my crew

was like a bunch of guys that our parents were like, get out of here, you leave us alone. And so we just went and tormented the neighborhood and would vandalize and drink and drive drunk and run over people's lawns and peel out. We were those guys. And I thought that was cool. I just wanted to be Bill Murray.

I wanted to be like a funny guy. In the 80s and 90s, every black guy wanted to be Eddie Murphy and every white guy wanted to be Bill Murray. 100%. That's what happened. Yes, smar me. You know, you want to be Fletch.

She wanted to be quick. And I thought, okay, if I have a great line, if I'm funny, if I take my pants off, if I, you know, jump in a pool naked, this will get everybody to think I'm the shit like me. And I didn't want to be a background actor. So I was always, I don't want to say all. You don't mean literally, you mean like you didn't want to be. They didn't want to blend in. Yep. And, you know, so we would jump off the roof into pools a lot.

and I was terrified the whole time, but I did it one time. Oh, that's interesting. So you were having... I was pushing it. Just the power of being a fun guy was so strong that I would push through the fear. Yeah, that's a tough one. Yeah, we used to climb in the summer, we used to climb on top of hotels and jump in the pool. You know, these are like eight-story buildings.

We could have died in 10 seconds. Any of us. There was like five of us. We'd break in, so then you get the break-in aspect. What hotels? These are in New Orleans. In New Orleans, yeah, just like, you know, a holiday inn or whatever. And there would be a pool in the courtyard.

And we'd climb up, we'd go up all the stairs. You'd have a security guard chasing us. Which, by the way, when you're at, like, 10, if there's a pool in the courtyard, you're like, this is the nicest hotel. Yes, yes, exactly. In the world. So true. And you get, you turn 25 and you're like, what happened? Yeah.

Oh, free breakfast. I still get that tingle. It's like a waffle maker and shitty eggs. And I'm like, oh, my God, this is crazy, free food. But yeah. Your diary, you're on your, you're on your Fauci diary. Your Fauci breakfast diary. But you'd have your mom's voice in your head like, what do you do?

Climb down. This is crazy. But you jump because you wanted to be one of the fun guys. And then we get drunk all night. And then we'd go to Black Church breakfast at like 6 a.m. Never sleeping. And we just show up and they're like, oh, these kids are down and out. And that's what we would eat for breakfast.

And then we'd like sleep all day. They thought you were like destitute. Yes. And they were doing the biblical thing. Exactly. Of helping. That's so fun. And you were like hungover white kids.

Yeah, we're like boat shoes and polos on. And we're like, oh, thank you, ma'am. You know. Jesus is going to remember this. Yeah. Yeah, we'd steal. So one time for no reason, we saw, we were walking by like a Walmart. We saw a dog in a car, like a little, yeah, yeah, and he had a little just a window cracked.

And we were like, huh, we should go in the Walmart, buy a bunch of laxative, feed it to the dog he'll shit all over that guy's backseat that'll be a fun night that was the night so we were you did you stick around to watch it of course that was the entertainment we didn't have a phone so we got we got like a couple of beers natty ice and we got the laxative

and we did a couple whippets of whipped cream or whatever while we're in the shaving cream and then we went out there put the little uh... laxatives in dog food I mean it was a whole night it took hours and we watched the dog shit it up in the backseat we laughed and

And was a Tuesday. What was a dog like struggling? Not really. I mean, it couldn't tell. It was like a little chihuahua. You just yap, yep, yep, shit, yep. And you get, and okay, so you see it as like pointless. Do you see it as annoying?

How do you look back on that? Because I agree with you in terms of like, I've never. This is like the only time doing podcasts. is kind of like where I talk the most right now. Like I'm just not talking that much. I don't want to talk that much. Same. And I'm like, why was I talking so much?

Yes, yes. Well, the problem was that was how I grew up. And then I came to New York comedy and you're in green rooms. You're at open mics. You're at the back of UCB trying to make friends with Kumail and Pete Holmes and all these people. And I'm doing that shit. I'm like jumping around and chugging beers and smashing a bottle like Jim Belushi. John.

And then Jim. Oh, come on. Yeah, John Belushi. Yeah. And I think I'm friends with Kumil, but I think those guys were like, hey, hey, hey, relax. And now I see young guys doing that. And I'm like, I would like you so much more if you just chilled the fuck out and talk to me instead of like trying so hard and saying retard every two minutes and all this. And I was that guy completely.

And I look back and cringe and I want to just because I knew like this is over the top. This is ridiculous. But I kept having to do it because I was like, I don't want these guys to think I'm boring. I don't want anybody to go, you know, Mark, and then go, no, I don't remember that guy. I didn't want to be unrememberable. Yeah. And then you, if somebody said like, I remember somebody saying to me like I was grading. Oh.

And when I was like 20. 1920 and I was like, I thought that's what you were supposed to do. Same. Same. So I had a similar thing where I came, I moved in, I guess I would do it like in high school. And then I came here and it was like, like, I remember Jay Moore was like my roommate at one point.

He was like Mr. like, kind of like, like crowd war miracles or Rodney or like. So I was like, no, that's how you do it or like a towel being like, nice jacket. Right. right and like I thought that's what you were supposed to do and I'm like I'm kind of not like that right right but I thought okay you go it's like you have to be careful what adult world you know what I wish I now let turn this podcast into me I wish I waited longer to decide who to be friends with in a scene because do you know what I mean where you're like you become friends with somebody and then you're like, like in comedy a couple times I'd become friends with

me. I was like, oh, they're a hack. Right. Right. Now I'm not like I'm friends with the hack and what that will say about me, but it's like now I have to like, now I don't want to be disloyal. Right. Like it becomes this like cross pressure. Yeah, yeah. Like I have this one standard of like I don't want to, I want to be a loyal person and then, but I want to think my friends are funny. Right. And to go deeper on that, I would be way more comfortable with a guy I didn't like because I didn't care. So you could be completely yourself. And then you have people you respect and thought were funny and cool and nice. And you're like, I'm on around them. So now I'm pushing these people who I actually like and maybe relate to. And now I'm hanging out with the fucking drug addict weirdo guy because at least I can be myself. What would you tell yourself? Just like, just calm down. Yeah. And then I would drink to calm down. and then you start drinking, then now you're hammered.

So then you're annoying going to hold another way. Do you think if without anxiety you would drink less? Yeah, oh yeah, definitely. So it's just mostly just for anxiety. Yeah, and I've chilled out a lot, and now I drink way less. And I actually like alcohol.

Like, I'm a fan of bourbon and tequila and stuff, and I like a good beer. So I can have a beer at lunch now, and I'm good because I just like beer. But before it was like, I was the guy drinking in Caddyshack, wine, gin. Yeah.

That's got a cigarette butt in it. I was that guy all the way because I just needed to get there. And they're being not anxious. Yeah. Just, as you said, level. So are you less anxious now? Oh, yeah. Way less.

Why do you think that is? Well, I did a lot of therapy. I think you just get older. And then you see guys who were like you growing. You get a little older and you're like, oh, I was that guy. Yikes. Let me go 180 from that guy. And I had a couple guys back when people would tell you shit.

No one talks anymore. Like no one has any, like I feel like a lot of young comics. They're so into the internet and like, it's so individual now. Comedy was way more social and interactive. And I'm not doing these kids today. But it's not. But guys would go, hey, dude, you're a cool guy. You're a funny guy.

Relax. It's all right. And I would go, it would sting, but you're like, ah, shit, he's right. And they'd go like, hey, you're too on. Get out. Don't come to this. We're going to the party. Don't come.

And it was kind of like. you know, comedy seller table, like, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Like sort of the, the tough crowd energy. Sure, sure. But they were, there was care to it. There was a little care to it.

There was like, hey. Like dad shit. We have a system. Yes, yes. And you're like, you're, you're incongruent. Right. Within this, you're out of the flow. Right. And now that would be kind of like, uh,

well, now there's no flow. There's no flow at all. That's true. No, like, it, it's all, we're all old, but it's not even more, it's problematic. It's like, but it's all, it's all. Yeah, yes, you're, everyone's approaching everyone. People, some people have guns drawn and some people are like this. Right, right. And the phones make us not connected and the ways we do connect. It's how can I weaponize it? Yes, yes. And go to the phone. Yeah, yeah, exactly about it. And so it just makes it. And so it just makes it. And so it just makes it. it like, I'm not going to say like, not fun anymore. It's just way less fun. It's way less fun. And they were real moments and they were hurtful

moments back then, but everybody got through them. I remember watching Bonnie's movie, Women Aren't Funny. And I don't know when the last time you saw that was, but there's a scene in it where Patrice and Keith are sitting at the cellar with a very young Amy Schumer and a very young Morgan Murphy.

And Keith and Patrice are going, yeah, women just aren't funny. You guys keep trying, you're not funny and the girls are laughing and i remember thinking like it was so foreign seeing that it was like seeing a horse and buggy or something it was so different because these guys were being themselves they were taking it they weren't like it's so hard being a woman i'm a victim this is a it's not a safe space it was just like they knew those guys were assholes they took it for what it was worth they went on stage obviously they're both hilarious yeah and that was it it wasn't a thing

Everything's a thing now. We have to look through everything with a lens of attack and all this shit. And that sucks. Well, what would you be like if you were 25? How what do you know? 42. Yeah. So if you were 25, what do you think you'd be like?

So you just think it's a young thing? I don't know, man. If you grew up the way, if you grew up on the phone, you grew up, you know. That's true. Like, I don't know what they're supposed to be like. I've had this talk with people, which is like, I wouldn't want to. start comedy now? Well, I don't know. I mean, you could do it from your living room, basically. Yeah, but how do you get known? At least like this, you go, I know, I mean, I would say like,

I, yes, I know, but I guess it's how many, I guess you're on your posting a lot. So it's, you're a bad example, but like, like, yeah, I just don't envy. I think everyone's in trouble. I think so too. I think every, I think we're all in trouble. And I think we're all doing our best. Yeah. Well, all we're like, we need sunlight when you wake up, you need eight hours of sleep, you got to take a multi-futton, but no one's, you do, what you need is a friend to tell you the truth. Yeah. And no one has that.

I had a friend pulled me aside, I don't know, two months ago, and he was like, this guy told me he hates when you do this or something. And I was like, ah, and it killed me, but, and I was mad at him, but I was like, this is the greatest friend I have. He told me the truth, and he knew it would hurt my feelings, and it helped me, and I got through it. Well, okay, this brings up another, another, threat which is do you believe in interventions me and my wife were talking

there was a thing on reddit which was so goddamn funny where someone said that they were going to a hotel a lot or giving a lot of business to a hotel and someone from the hotel contacted his either his wife his girlfriend somebody and told her information about the guy that was incriminating. And my wife was like, it's the he was married and cheating. Maybe, maybe not do. And she was like, I think it was right for the hotel person.

Interesting. And I was like, I don't. I kind of tend to, this goes to your thing about picking up litter or telling. I always say like, I'm, hey, slow down years old. Yeah, yeah. Like, hey, so people work in this neighborhood. Like, there's kids. Yeah.

Should you do should a person intervene? I guess it's hard to say across the board. I mean, that's hard to say because this, my thing was me and a friend and a friend. Right. This is a husband and a wife and a random hotel guy. Did he know the wife? If he's friends with the wife, I think I think it's good. No, a hotel worker.

I think that's weird. I agree. The guy's trying to get a settlement from the hotel. Oh, there you go. And he's like, what should I get? It's actually really fun. That's horrible. We were like, go to a lawyer.

And he's like, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But I am imagining what this is. Yeah. I think you do something that annoys Jerry Seinfeld and Sam told you. Ah, no, that wasn't it. That wasn't it. It was much lighter.

It was very small, but that would be tough. But I'd rather know. You would rather know. I'd rather know because I can stop doing it. Okay. Then I have some things I need to tell people about it. Guys, you know those pieces in your closet that you find yourself wearing on repeat? Like an old episode of a sitcom?

That sweater that goes with just about everything. The perfect pair of pants, even. Or the tea you somehow always reach for first. Those are the pieces that make getting dressed easy, and that's what Quince does best. I'm walking it. I'm in it right now. Quince focuses on high-quality wardrobe staples made with premium material like 100%

Mongolian cashmere, organic cotton, and marino wool. Those styles are timeless, versatile, and designed to become the dependable pieces you reach for day after day. Their 100% Mongolian cashmere sweater started just $60 giving you the softness and quality you'd expect from a luxury brand without the luxury price tag. I can tell you, I bought a cashmere hoodie from a knot quince, and it wasn't 60. I think it was 240. So, that's... As we used to say in the 90s, you do the math. I'm wearing it right now. My girl, I didn't realize my girl loves me in a black tea.

I got a bunch of underwear. I got, do you like the way this fits on your friend? Pretty, pretty cute. The collar is the mic, but you know what I mean? It's soft as hell. Call to action. Everybody paid attention. Find your next fall favorites at Quince.

Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com slash any al. get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada and the UK too that's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash N-E-A-L you they got underwear I mean I'm wearing the underwear too I didn't want to be thirsty but I am and the t-shirt it's good and it's soft and it's it's not it's price really fair seriously coins a lot of guys I know including me were dabbling in pouches you know what I mean nobody needs needs to know, you're a little secret, give you a little pop. A lot of guys using nicotine,

which, because I think it's good for working out, which it's not because it actually is a vaso constrictor, meaning it narrows your blood vessels and restricts oxygen, oxygen, which, whatever, you know, you know, it's not, it's not good. It gives you, it seems to give you energy, but it's not, it's tightening you up. And it released cortisol, no good for muscle, etc., etc., which is why I started using Ultra Pouches. They've been a game changer. They're great. Good for energy, good for focus. Show them the cutaway. Well, they're basically focused in a pouch. They sent me some. I used them, ran out. They sent me more. Been using them. They're basically, they're good for athletes,

runners, health conscious people, because they're 100% nicotine free. They do give you instant focus and energy just without the vasic constriction crash and addiction that comes with nicotine. I use them in the morning, and then I use them before I go to the gym on when I go to the gym. So they got five insanely good flavors. They got cool mint. They got winter green. I've always felt mint and winter green are redundant, but I guess I don't got the palate. Tropical, juicy and vibrant, watermelon, blue raz, which you know I like because it sounds like a superhero.

Here's the call to action, guys. You ready? You were like, Neil, I'm loving this spot. Where's the call to action? Here it is. Pull over. is the ultimate guilt-free pouch delivering instant focus and mental clarity without nicotine or caffeine. New customers can use code N-E-A-L to get 15% off at take ultra.com. That's take

ultra.com for 15% off with code Neal. After your purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them, please support our show and tell them our shows that do. And then when when people go, what are you, what do you, what do you got in your mouth? It's from, it's from Neil, Neil Brennan. blocks. I wish I know. Take Ultra.com. Be aware of time. Take picks. Live in the moment, but make a mental note. I like it. All I think now with the kid, all I think about is my childhood. It just brings you back. And then you're like, boy, I don't remember anything. I have no memory. My mom brought a box of photos, like old polaroids and shit in a shoebox. And I was like, I don't remember this. I don't remember this. And she's like, that was when we went to the circus.

She rode the elephant. I'm like, what the fuck. I've ridden an elephant. So with my kid, I'm taking a million photos. I'm trying to document mentally and let my brain absorb all of it. Because, you know, we always say live in the moment, live in the moment. But living in the moment is great. But when that moment's over, I want to remember it. Until the future arrives.

Yes. And you're like, I didn't plan anything. Exactly. The only time I'm living in the moment is when I'm planking, which sucks. You only live in the moment. Which you're only doing two hours a day on the subway. Yeah. But yeah, so I didn't realize I had no idea as a child, which maybe is a good thing, that this was all going to just go away.

I just thought, ah, we'll live forever. Life's going to be great. It's fun. We're having a great time. But, boy, that all just blew by, and I have no real memories and nothing to show for it. Do you have a, when you see photos, is it better than you remember? Do you know what I mean? Because it's like, you think about childhood, you either go, it was great or it was terrible or it was what?

something you have some opinion of it and then you see photos because i remember talking to somebody and their kid was the kid was older like in their 20s and was going like you never you never you know and the guy was like i did but he's like i but i've heard you can't say it to your kids you can't go i fucking did you motherfucker look at the photos oh wow i don't know why you're supposed to not say anything back you're just supposed to go i understand the way they parent now they just go you're very important. Every feeling you have is like a message from God and we have to validate it. I would have to show them. I'm with you because it's like you, I've been. Just because you feel this in a way. It doesn't mean it's right. Yes. But have you,

the mom showing you photos make you remember things differently. Yeah, yeah, for sure. And you go, oh, we had some great times. Holy shit. I forgot about that. So yeah, I think it definitely helped. But that part of my life, don't you kind of feel like your life started when you did comedy? Yeah. Yeah, you know, like all those bikes. rides and climbing trees and fist fights and whatever the hell you did as a kid to me i i wish it stuck a little more i wish it kind of well you know what happens with kids is you you're gonna remember stuff now yeah for you it's the thing you see their first time you're like when did i

first have ice cream right no idea yeah but you but there are things that you will probably remember that you didn't that you prior didn't remember yeah that and and uh that uh And so you wish... I just wish I would have held on to some stuff and been like taking a note of the moment like, hey, this is pretty cool. I'm in the Bahamas or something. You know, like, how cool is this?

But I went to the Bahamas as a kid. My parents tell me about it all the time. I don't remember any of it. And that bums me out. You just have like, it's like just black, like nothing? Yeah, I just kind of, I go, oh, yeah. I think I remember sitting on the beach at one point. I just kind of wish I was more aware.

of time, I guess. As a young person. Like, how about as an adult? As an adult, that's all I think about. As adult, I'm obsessed with it. But are, do you, you guys all, you and Sam and Joe and seem to have like a cute and gay have like cute photos of each other. Yeah, we do.

We do. Like you're like a pack. Yeah. But you know those dads who are always filming growing up? Yeah. I get that now. I used to be like, look at this fucking dork with the camera on his shoulder, you know. Now I get it.

You know what's nice is filming or taking pictures of your wife and the kid for them. Uh-huh. Like I do that. I just go like,

this is cute. Yeah, I do it all the time. And they may not even know how cute it is. Yeah. But in two weeks, I'm going to fucking use it against her. Yeah, because they go,

they melt. They're like, oh my God, look at this moment. Yeah. Because it's hard. I know. Parenting is super draining and hard. Super hard. You know, and also, the thing that I realize about parenting now and maybe it's, is like,

no one thinks they're good at it. No. So you're kind of constantly judging yourself? That's true. That's a, that's totally true. And to like go, hey, you were, this is like a real exchange here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. And go like, you might just so you know.

And the consequent, like if you're a bad driver, you might get into a wreck or whatever, the consequence with a kid is he's going to die or you'll ruin his life forever and traumatize him. So it's like you really got to be honest. The first one I completely, that's absolutely true. The second one, Mark, think about your life. You were sort of latchkey kid, feral. Yeah. You know your story.

Sure. Did it ruin your life? Meaning like, no. Like that's all this. I think now parents think they're more. important than they are. Emotionally and psychologically. Obviously you're like, as a parent, you're like a psychological like Titan, your fucking

Zeus and not, like, meaning and like, and like, I don't know if the kids smart. Right. He'll get, he'll get a good job or if he's ambitious, he'll get a good job or if he's, which is like kind of things you can't teach. Sure. That's true. So like there's a there's an analogy I saw somewhere about curling. Mm.

And you throw like so there's the disc right thing and then the people go with the little brushes. Yeah. To try to like adjust the path of it. Apparently the brushes have almost no effect. Mm. And I now think of most things in life as the brushes. Wow, that's great. Like your bird, your kid is going to be.

what they're keep them alive but you don't think there can be some guidance I do I obviously like have done a lot of like emo comedy and in

psychological shit I yes and no like yes and no I think like you look at you look at your you versus your brother

mm-hmm it's just innate differences right but it's like similar back similar upbringing right Sure. It's just, I've had friends say, like, my kid came out finished.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've heard that. They just come out and I don't know what you're, but, but I don't, it's almost like, I'm saying this to like. I completely agree. They are who they are, but look at Tiger Woods's dad. If Tiger Woods' dad wasn't Tiger Woods' dad or Michael Jackson's dad, or Michael Jackson's dad, I don't think they would be that way. Right.

We, how much, so it's like Tiger Momming, literally or whatever it's called that the Asian mom helicopter yeah like but do you want it to be miserable of course not that's the thing i'm with you like i think there's extremes but i think mostly it's like just give them give them a give them a path yeah and and like allow i actually thanked my dad at one point like years ago it was like thank you for putting me in a position to be able to do kind of whatever do you know i mean like not but like just socioeconomically it's like I was a lot and like Kevin being in New York I got to come to do again I could have gone

a lot of and being the youngest just there's a lot of advantages that were almost not choices on their part yeah yeah that's good that's just like I benefited from I agree sometimes a lack of you have a lot of you have a lot of you're putting your kid in a good position they're in Brooklyn

yeah we got a backyard yeah you got a backyard in Brooklyn huge but like honestly like there's just stuff that like just put them in a position to like do whatever and I think that's almost like what your job is I agree one of your main jobs and keep them alive but like that's very nice to hear and don't burn them it helps but I know I know my dad got two things on me he was such a scary guy that I think I'm skittish for that reason and he was such a hard guy to get a reaction from that you can see my act it's a joke every 10 seconds because I have a real fear of boring people.

Yeah. Or I guess bombing just generally. Yeah. Interpersonally. Yeah. So I think I got that from him. So then you start thinking, all right. So I don't want to imprint some. It's exhausting. But again, maybe I'm with you because I'm like the thing that I'm going for with my wife and kid is like a calm house. Yeah, calm house is huge. But maybe that's not the answer. Maybe that's what I want. It's like, they always say like you're fighting the last war.

Yeah. It's like, like, they're like Ukraine's fighting with drones and we're going like, we need to get missed and they're like, no, we're on drones now. Right, right. So like, and you're not going to be able to even predict what your kid wants. I know. And you're going to screw them up regardless. Yeah.

But just give them options. There you go. Um, but take photos. That's the key. I got a million. Okay. Here's one. adulthood has not made you wiser.

No. Well, you thought what would be different. I thought I thought I'd become an adult. I'd have a briefcase and think differently and, you know, be like fiscal. I've got to be fiscally, whatever, and have a 401K. I don't know. Any kind of document I gloss over, I have my money guy handle it. I have my manager handle everything, a legal thing.

I'm like, I panic. My wife has to do a ton of shit when it comes to that stuff. So like I thought maybe one day I would sack up, grow up, and learn what the fuck a Roth is. Yeah. You know, or any of that stuff. I have no health insurance. I have no car insurance. Only because I tried to fill it out and I blacked out.

So I'm riding dirty all over the country. I'm in rental cars just like, woo, baby, with a high noon between my legs. and people are like, what are you a fucking idiot? I'm like, no, I just, I just can't fill out a form. When you say you blacked out, what do you mean? Like, I just go, ah, this is too much. Fuck it. I'd rather get arrested.

Are you, have there been any repercussions? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, I've been to jail. I had to go to jail. I mean, I'm driving without registration and insurance. You know, my ID got expired. I didn't want to fill out. the form we get the new ID so I had to spend a night in jail in New Jersey how are you doing

insurance with a pregnant with she has it she had insurance got she has a real job and all that and it's a point of contention but you also save a lot I got a ton of money yeah I save a lot of money I don't spend money on ridiculous stuff like you know all these guys have watches now and these guys have crazy cars I don't have any of that so I got a lot of money sitting on so I just, when the wife is like, what are you doing? I'm going to get your shit together. I go, look at this, look at this fucking checking account over here. Yeah.

And then she could. You should probably get it out of a checking account. I know. See, that's a whole other thing. I'm going to fight you on this. Please. I'm on your side. I'm actually against you, which is on your side.

Okay. I think you are more mature. Oh, all right. Meaning like you have, you realize like I, you have goals. For sure. Like you have things. you want that to me is a sign of maturity okay like beyond

like a movie we're writing this movie now or we finish writing it and you can see it hey here's the script yeah hey we're gonna go shoot it there's a camera there I'm gonna act in front of it oh I can get all these things but a lot of this legal jargon and all that stuff it's it's a Greek to me it's but it's supposed to be Greek meaning like that's why they they have it's like you ever hear

the origin of tennis scoring where it's like 30 love sure it's too confused poor people ah wow is that right literally yeah they're like yeah come out I yes I mean that's my understanding of it I could be dead wrong but but work yeah it really did it's scared you away yeah but that but but the but legal ease is like that it's like it's like affidavits and yeah crazy shit I hereby denounce yeah yeah yeah It's almost like old English. No, it's, but it's intentionally opaque so that you like have to hire a lawyer.

Wow. When AI takes care all this, that'll be nice. Yeah, it kind of does now. Yeah. But of course, they're making things where it makes it harder to. But like, so like you're, I don't think you're that. I mean, you could figure it out. If you wanted insurance, you could talk to your accountant and go like, I need insurance.

and they'll do it. That's true. So like it's just a matter of like don't. I would, if again, I don't want to make this podcast about me, get, I try to get ahead of it

because I'm finally getting a little bit like, wait a minute, and like asking questions and I didn't know what a lot of stuff was that I thought I knew what it was. Oh,

I'm sure I'm getting duped all day long. I wasn't even getting fucked. It was just like I'm never buying another piece of, real estate again. Oh, really? Ever, ever, ever, ever, I can send you charts. I can send you, it hasn't been a good

investment unless you live in like a couple places since 1996. The stock market has outperformed real estate by a factor of like five since 1996. So, okay. So obviously whatever. So stuff like that where I was, I was

do you get stocks? Do you understand? Yes. Oh, wow. Yes. I've tried so many times. You don't have to. There's a thing called an index fund, which is all of the stocks in one pot. Okay.

So you have a little bit of all stocks. Oh. They're called index funds. They're great. And they go up if you go the S&P went up half a percent. Oh, that's good. You went up a half a percent. Okay.

It's called, it's the symbol is spy, SPY, or QQQQ, there's another one. Okay. their index fonts I'll send you all about it when it look for it in the show notes I was in it it's like because it's intentionally Byzantine and like yeah I hear Doth yeah yeah and then you see mad money and it's like graphs and dashes and X 14 over here and the Dow it's up and down that you don't need to know all right it's scary to me yeah but the good news is you have a lot of money. So like as long as no one, as long as you're not like signing over power of attorney or any of that stuff, maybe you have. Oh, good. Maybe if you're, if you're

wife, you'd be right. Okay. So you're, you don't want to wear a sweater. It says you want to stay up. Well, yeah, I'm still, you know, as I said, I thought I'd be a dad. I thought I'd be you are. I know, but I thought I'd be like a, uh, archetype of a guy with a pipe and my feet up and my wife bringing me a cocoa or whatever. Yeah. But it's, I'm still out at the cellar and I got, I'm on my second whiskey and I'm like, what are you doing? You got to get back.

And I go, I don't want to get back. I'm here. And then I still have that. And I thought that would go away. I think those guys had it and hit it. Oh, okay. Like, they were all drinking. Yeah, true.

They were all like staying out. I mean, if you have to, if you have a nightclub show, you got to do you got to go to the nightclub. Right, right. But they had brill cream in there. hair they went to work every day with black shiny shoes you're making way more money than them i don't you think i think don't draper did all right no really i think don draper if i had to guess what what what you guys tell me what you think he made i think don draper made in 1962 yeah gonna bet he made uh but again you got to go with the money of the day i know i'm going by that money he

made 57,000, and by modern standards, he would make 180. Okay, okay. I could be dead wrong. That's pretty good. Yes. I'll go with that. Yes. So he had a not very successful podcast.

I can't believe you're still doing this thing, to be honest. It's a whole- I'm impressed. It's a longer story. It's whatever. It is getting, it's like proof of life videos. What do you mean? It's my version of posting. Oh, proof of life, I see.

Just like, hey, ah. Yeah. It's like the norm. Like, hey, I'm alive. Then the devil pulls off a mask. It's me, Bob. It's me, Bob. It's like, literally like, hey, it's me, Neil.

Like, I'm just here. Like, hey, ha, ha. I'm in front of you. I know. Yeah, but also, and look, as annoying as podcasts are, we all hate doing them. We want to be comedians and sleep till noon and go to the mall.

but you had so many great conversations. I see your clips. It's all these great guests. Yeah. It's people that I want to talk to anyway. You text me, he said, I got the big cahuna, and I saw you got Jerry. Yeah. Yeah.

And you guys got him. We got him eventually, yeah. Yeah. I mean, down the line. But yeah, but it's yes. And also people consume it. Oh, they love it. That's the other thing.

So it's like, I don't mind just because it's not a talk show. what's the we all wanted a talk show it's like well now we all have them totally and on our terms yes so i'm not i don't mind doing it all right um yeah four more year well no and that's why i flip the premise so now i can everybody again yeah right so it's like slightly different things it's not like so uh anti-psychotic and ironically it's a modern thing that makes us interact again because we're not we're interacting less than we used to like you ever see the patrice doc there's a scene where they're all in front of the Boston Comedy Club and they're hanging and it looks so weird.

There's no phones. They're all in a circle just bullshitting, making fun of each other. That's over. I remember, I used to be there. You lived it, yeah. I lived for years. You see it a little in the store parking lot every now and then.

The store parking lot, you get a moment of that. You're absolutely right. That, ooh, we're doing it. Yeah. No, you truly do because you're waiting. You were like forced to wait for your car. Yeah. So it's like, I don't want to.

to do this but I'll do it because I'm waiting. Yeah. My car stuck, but it's like Then you're like, that was the best. That was the best and I avoid it. All right. That's why protect our parks is a hit. Same word.

Well, I always say that this, it's the parisocial thing, obviously, but people like you, people like me or some people, whatever, and they go, ah, let's, and they get to see, you get to eavesdrop on what people that you consider interesting or you need. or whatever. Great. Yeah, sure. And somebody told me there's two kinds of comics.

Comics, you want to hang out with and comics, you don't want to hang out with. And you want to be a hangout with. Yeah, absolutely. Because I think it doesn't,

your act doesn't even matter. Exactly. When you're a hangout, when you're a guy, people want to hang out with? Right. What do you think, Patrice is?

Ooh. I think he's just a good comic. I don't think you want to hang out. I don't think you want to hang out. I don't think you want to hang out. I don't think you want to hang out. I don't think you want to be good. and not be like no one was to hang out with Stephen Wright.

No, it is interesting the, because I'm definitely, people don't want to hang out with me. Like you, I'm not, I don't read warm. I am warmer than I read. So it's like, people that listen to this, obviously like my personality, but mostly I just, I read cold and analytical.

So like. I think they want to chat with you. Okay. Maybe not go to a bar and reach. Well, yeah, I don't really drink or eat meat or anything. Right. So, um, all right. Well, very good, Mark.

I'm happy that you're still popping. You're writing movies. You're getting after it. He's very funny. He's on his phone. If you comment, if you DM, you might get a response. I won't respond.

It's just know that you're depriving his child of attention. It's Mark Norman, ladies and gentlemen. He's got many podcasts Tuesdays of stories. Still can't believe that's what you guys went with for a name. I know. And because no one knows what you're parodying.

I had a podcast guru told me no one knows what that name means. You have no guess and your set looks like shit. It's amazing that anyone listens to that. And we might be drunk. Yeah. Very good. Mark Norma, later John. Thank you, Neil.

Comedy.