Blocks w/ Neal Brennan - Robby Hoffman

Episode Date: February 19, 2026

Neal Brennan interviews Robby Hoffman ('Wake Up' on Netflix) about the things that make her feel lonely, isolated, and like something's wrong - and how she is persevering despite these blocks. 00:00 Intro 01:31 Growing up Poor with 9 Siblings 05:09 Leaving religion and moving away 13:53 Rich kids vs. Poor kids 18:50 Feeling like an outsider 19:50 Being called “annoying” 28:00 Having opinions on everything 35:00 Sponsor: Huel 37:54 Sponsor: Rag & Bone 40:29 Top Surgery 56:00 2-year rule for decisions 59:52 Standup vs. Small Talk 1:03:53 Sponsor: Superpower 1:06:10 Sponsor: Squarespace 1:08:26 Dressing Boyish 1:12:24 Her identity Thanks to our sponsors! Visit https://www.huel.com/Neal & use promo code NEAL for 15% off online for new customers. Visit https://www.rag-bone.com and use promo code NEAL for 20% off your order! Go to https://www.SuperPower.com and use promo code NEAL for $20 off your membership. Save 10% off your first purchase at https://www.squarespace.com/NEAL ---------------------------------------------------------- Follow Neal Brennan: https://www.instagram.com/nealbrennan https://twitter.com/nealbrennan https://www.tiktok.com/@mrnealbrennan Watch Neal Brennan: Crazy Good on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/81728557 Watch Neal Brennan: Blocks on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/81036234 Theme music by Electric Guest (unreleased). Edited by Will Hagle ---------------------------------------------------------- #podcast #interview #robbyhoffman #mentalhealth #comedy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Guys, my guest today is she stole my heart at the comedy store parking lot maybe a year ago, year and a half. Then we did Hollywood Squares together. Yeah. I don't know if that's aired. That's really, you were so fun on that. And fun is not funny. That's noticed, notice the difference. Well, funny and fun, but we weren't really allowed to be funny as much as you want.

You got shut down for being anti-Semitic. I know. It's insane. You got, she made an anti-Semitic reference and they were like, da-da-da-da-da-da-da. By the way, I'm Jewish and I'm not anti-Semitic. If anyone can make that joke, is you, but they don't want it. It's insane. Okay. She's got a Netflix special called Wake Up, and it's appropriately titled.

I don't even, is that in the, is that a joke? I just say wake up a lot. Okay. It's more. In the special? Yeah. Wake up. Wake up.

It's appropriately titled. Don't get me wrong. Yeah. It's very funny hour. And it's Robbie Hopping. Thanks for having me. Of course, of course, of course. I appreciate it.

Okay, so I have a lot of questions. Please hit me. Most of what I know about you, I, is from Instagram clips. You ever realize you grew up poor because you like a hard towel? Either invite me for dinner or don't, but your potluck. 100% disagree. I love that. Which is how most people know, most people know.

Great. Why not? Whatever works. You seem like you're pretty, like you've been yourself. for yeah no i've definitely been myself but i've gone through phases of of trying not to be i mean yeah you know and trying to like that was one of the categories earlier or sound less uneducated or whatever i thought like you know more uh popular girls sounded like or acted so i used to yeah so i always knew but i always was trying to change before i leaned in was

it would you did it cross into self-loathing hatred or was just like it would be easier if I was conventional no it was just I was so embarrassed of how poor we were yeah oh yes that's a big one yeah so that's a big block so that changed everything growing up poor yeah like really poor yeah so that was like I got to go to a private school which is a people like she went to private school I'm so thrilled I went to this private school. I went on subsidy. In Montreal. In Montreal. A very good school. It was a Jewish private

school. You were one of seven children? One of ten. You're also one of ten. And you're the baby of ten. I want us to talk about this. This is insane. And you're the same mother, same father. I'm same mother, same father. You're like 10 kids in like 20 years. Did you say? 16. And we're 10 and 12. Pretty close. 10 and 12 is wild numbers. My mother's vagina is bigger than your mother's vagina.

How long I my mom. Do you have twins? No. We did it. Five girls, five boys. What about you? Six and four.

Four what? Girls. Oh, wow. My mom in labor with me for 40 minutes. Forty minutes. You walked out. We all have those jokes. I can't believe it.

So are your parents still together? No. My dad died, which hurt and which hurt the relationship. But they had been divorced. They had gotten divorced. They got divorced 15 years earlier, maybe 20.

I can't believe we're both one of 10. Yeah, it's rare. It's very rare. Like Gaffigan's got five or six kids and it's like how? Whenever you, it's like how? I don't have any kids, no. And a lot of my siblings don't have kids. I think we were all pretty like we've already parented.

No one in the family has more than two. Yeah. One has three. One has three twins. Okay. Yeah, but it was like, yeah. And then there's probably three or four with none. Yeah.

And have you met all your nieces and nephews? I mean, that answers your question, right? Like the look at my, it's not. No, it's not. No. I have a brother who, like, gilds me about the kids sometimes and they live so far. It's like, I never, like, grew up and was like, oh, my aunt, Janice. I wish my aunt was here.

I have never, like, I'm like, oh, yeah, my father is sister. Where are the aunts? Yeah, like, I don't know. It just doesn't, it's like, fine. My uncle Rob was in our life, and I loved him. And that was phenomenal. But it's like, I don't know. It's not that big.

But when it becomes, like, a diplomatic, like, hell, So you two, this is your aunt and then you just stare at each other. Yeah, and it's like, you know, it's just a weird relationship sometimes. You naturally, my nieces, that said, I have two nieces I'm very close with because they live close. Like, it's just a thing. And also, like, are you, how old are they? The nieces. Yeah.

My niece is three. Okay. I was going to say, are you similar, do you have similar interests, but not yet? Oh, no, no, no. My nieces are really young, but cute. Yeah. So you believe in... So, all right, so you have 10 kids

and then your dad skips town. Well, we left town. My mother, we grew up religious. I imagine you grew up religious to some extent. Irish Catholic. Yeah, like they were doing at least something that didn't allow them to use production. So my father stayed in the religious community.

My mother took us out. That's why we ended up in Montreal. Because my mother is from Montreal. My father is, again, American. Was it Orthodox? Yeah, Orthodox Judaism. ultra-Orthodox. Yeah.

Morbidly Jewish. To quote. Extremely Jewish. Extremely. No, he is morbidly Jewish, yeah. That's the name, Renan Hirshberg's. Yeah. So, no, definitely.

So that's why we, but my father did stay. We actually did leave. Of course, he gave us no reason to stay. He was a violent and, you know, not a very, not a good presence. Yeah. But we did leave. And you agree. By the way, we, my mother, we were children.

We didn't have, you know, we moved with my mother. Did you, were you, were you mad about it? How did you feel about it? I was heartbroken. Like, you know what? I was just thinking on the way here. Like, I have only a few memories with my father. It's so interesting that my whole child, like, the years that I did have with him when he was in the house, he never really, we never connect.

Like, he never did anything with us, you know? It's like, I do remember. Yeah. I saw like a rider truck go by and I it's so crazy that I have so few memories like of course okay I ended up not going up with my father for the rest of my childhood but the years the beginning of my childhood I should have more memories like I was like he was there you what do you think he was doing like he was getting drunk and learning and and coping and just not and sexist and not into the girls and into the boys and stuff like that but um

To some extent, but then he liked something. He just picked and chose a lot. It's so funny, it reminds me, like, my father, what I think that they're in these religions. Mm-hmm. And they can't, my dad, I mean, my parents, it was a long time ago, so it was like, they're in these religions, they need to be in the religion

to get sex. They need to get married to have sex. Yeah. Then they can't use protection. they keep having kids and they're in my dad's case he didn't like kids

so he's just it's just compounding stress and then he's violent he drinks all the the same yeah it was like you know in that community too at the time like there weren't resources like how to cut you know

they were like you know we're poor and and many religious Jews are many aren't anymore now what's the difference I think their real estate has really picked up and stuff that they owned, you know, like for families like that. But a lot of people are kept really poor and there's still such, there's, like, it used to be the whole, that whole community was mostly poor, 99% because they're living on prayer and, you know, like they're hoping things will just come and they're not coming. You're living in a capitalist world.

Yeah, that's the everything. Prayer. you're not like yeah so but my father to this memory I was I just saw a rider truck and I remember my father had to get a rider truck and it was yellow at the time this rider truck and now they're white and red but we got to go in the truck like I don't know if he had a job for the day

or he was helping a friend or whatever but he just suddenly came in and he's like who wants to sit in the truck of course we all shot up like fucking A and I remember getting to sit up the truck with him, maybe four or five of us. Okay. And it was just so fun.

Like, I remember at school saying, like, my father has a truck. We rode around. He took us, I mean, this is where the memory goes sour, but still is nice. We went to the gas station, and he said, let everybody get a candy. Great. Okay, so, or pick what you want, and if it's kosher, we'll get it, whatever. So, you know, I was taking my time picking, get whatever you want. So I'm going through the aisles.

I don't think that. I could do better than that. You know, so I'm taking my time. And then when I get to the front with my candy, I must be six, seven years old. And I'm standing there, and I look around. It's just like this, you know, Indian man who runs the gas,

who his shop is the gas station shop or something like that. And I look around and you don't see this huge rider truck. And I'm like, did you see my father? Like, and I remember that man going, oh, oh, no. So he picked me up and he put me on his chair. Great. Okay.

And I was like, they left. And everybody had left. I guess I had taken too much time. And I literally remember looking, you could see all around the gas station from the, from the store, because it's a gas station store. And he was starting to be like, and I was like, oh, my God, they left. They were just here. and then suddenly the car the truck swerves in and my father is like Rifki Rifki which is what they call me and I got off the chair and I went and they came we came back for you I'm sorry scared sad I was

really scared I was like but I did think like they'll come back yeah like I did think like did you see my fault I just remember like me and this man being I'm like and he's like no I for sure saw your father Let me ask you, all right, this is, do you consider that traumatic? If it's that small one of my favorite memories. Right, no, that's what I mean. Like, some people go like, and they. That's what I'm saying. Like, that was so fun just to have an adventure with him of any kind.

And thank God, everybody treated me well. The store owner handled it appropriately was obviously going to notify the police or something. It was like, don't worry. And I, because I said he'll come back. And he agreed he would come back. But I'm sure he would have called appropriate people. He wasn't mean or anything. And he let me have my snack.

So it's like, but yeah, I just, I just don't have that many memories of him, which is explained. Did your life get better when you guys left him? Or was it just like a lot of? Yeah, you know, it's, we felt a lot poorer leaving him. just because it was now like my mother is a single mother of 10 kids and we didn't have that community support. You know, which wasn't, it was horrible support at the time, especially for my mother who was not, you know, having good times.

But we did have the huge support of my mother's family, which was actually way better. So I want to re-answer that. I think, yes, it got much better. but as a kid you're still heartbroken. But it definitely got much better and the support of that community wasn't even support that I could feel

it was just that other people were like us and then when we moved to Canada in this more secular world. Where were you in New York City? Yeah, in Brooklyn. When you moved to Canada to a more secular world as a little kid, it's like everything was just different.

Okay, so it was like a Jewish community in Brooklyn. And then your mother was Canadian? Yeah. So you move there and it's like, oh. And yeah, and we don't have a two parent. Like my grandfather is over and we moved in with my great uncle Eddie and which was all amazing. But it was we just like were my mother took over and my mother.

Everything was tight and we were on welfare and we could always feel the stress, the financial strain for my mother. I mean, she talked about it openly, and even if she, there was no behind closed doors. We lived in such close quarters that she's on the phone crying about this. We're all can hear everything. There's no like, oh, you go to your room, you go to your room. We're all sharing the same rooms. Yeah. So, you know, there's no.

Yeah, and then going, but I was exacerbated, and I've talked to this, so I don't have to delve too far. But going, my mother really prioritized education and thought it was a great opportunity. that they would take me at the school. There's no question, and it was. What school was it? It was a Jewish private school. Got it. And the neighborhood. And, and, and, but it was, you know, a lot of my siblings went to the free schools and the public, and they said they would take me and I could get this education, but all the kids were rich there. Rich shoes. For the first time, were you, were you, were, were you. I hesitate to say gifted, but I was clever. But how did you get, how did they

pick you? So we had, when we moved to Canada, we had, we moved in the middle of the, year was this big thing but my grandfather was taking us around to schools that would let us start and not lose half a year of school right basically because then we would all have failed your eight nine yeah so we get we go to this Jewish little Jewish private school well we went to a lot of schools there was public schools there was this school um and I went with me and three of my brothers I have a brother a year older a brother two years older and a brother three years older so I'm like in this cluster of boys, which checks out. And the four of us went for this interview with my grandfather, and it was like middle of the

winter. And my brothers, and so we're with the principal. We're with my grandfather's like, you know, this is a unique situation. My daughter and her 10 children have just arrived, and we have to, you know, get them in school and da-da-da. And my brothers got into a fight at the meeting. with each other. So we're like sitting like this, you know, like you're the principal.

We're sitting here. It's just us and the principal. She's talking to us about our experience, whatever, whatever. At this point, my brothers are still wearing yarmakas. This school was a private Jewish school, but not a religious school. It was very like traditionally conservative Jewish, you know, like rich Jews that you're probably familiar with. And that was my first foray into wealthy Jews.

Everybody I knew was poor on food stamps and the whole bit, these big religious Jewish families. that prayed to God and hoped for the best. So this was my first, like, elite experience. And my brothers got into a fight. They're like, yeah, I don't know if they knocked a chair. It got physical. There's no question.

Yeah. And I kind of, you know, and my grandfather came in or something, and, you know, and the principal told them they had to leave. You know, my grandfather was like, and she said, I was just speak to the girl alone. I didn't do anything. I sat there like this. somehow because I'm so used to them being animals.

And I just talked to the principal, like a grown-up. I said, this is what I go through, the day in and the day out. But I think I could do very well at your school. And I'm a very good reader. And, you know, I like to write. Was this your first and only school interview? Yeah. Well, no, we had seen.

I had to go to French school for one year, too. So how did you know to do this rap to him? Like this like, look. Oh, I didn't. She just saw everything that happened with them. Right. And you were like, so then when she had me alone, I said, and she had just been asking us about her,

so I said, this is my experience. This is what it is. Day in and day out, this is what I'm putting up with. And so then she told my grandfather after, and this story now was told to me because I don't, they had a meeting with the grownups. But my mother likes to tell it that they had a meeting after and the principal was like,

well, take the girl. you know, we'll make room for the girl, but the, you know, the boys. And my grandfather's like, it's a package deal. Like, I got to, I got to school six more kids. Yeah. You got to take all four. It's a package deal.

You want her? You take the three of them. And so my brothers went to that school for one year. They then didn't let them come back another year. Like, it's not a package deal. They were, yeah, they were terrible that one year, and they were falling behind. Have they, what of their lives?

What has become of these brothers? They're amazing. My brother, Schmully, is. just tremendous. So they've gone on to good lives. Oh yeah, they're amazing people. It's just also my brothers were really hurt by their education

in New York because boys, their boys are more pious or more religiously inclined, so they mostly learn Torah, Bible. That's really interesting. Yeah, so the girls, I was learning... Naturally, they believe boys are in the well, they believe it's the responsibility of boys to know the Bible.

It's not the responsibility. So when you say pious, you mean like it's put on them. It's like it's enforced. Yeah, like they're like we're not holy enough. Like it's not a commandment for us to know the Torah to know the Bible. So they let us do in school nonsense subjects like English and math. And, you know, so I was actually, even though I was going to this like Canadian school, yes, I was behind on the French and some things.

but other things I was really able to keep up with, with the reading and all that stuff. Versus my brothers learned to read at home from their sisters or from my mother. There weren't learning, reading, and writing in their religious schools. It was all Yiddish, and it was all Hebrew. Okay, so would you, do you always feel like an outsider? I don't know. Because I, that's just my read of you. I think I am just an outsider.

I don't know what if, yeah, I think, like, I've always been like, I'm American, but I'm Canadian. I'm a girl, but I'm a tomboy. I'm, you know, I've had so, I'm, I'm, yeah, I'm Jewish, but I'm gay. You know, I've had so many things like that where it's like, yeah, I definitely, I don't know. I'm definitely an outside. You have a very forceful personality. Yeah.

Walk me through it. Because, like, when we did Hollywood squares and you, like, literally, they start rolling and you go. And I'm like, I've never, I was like, oh, she must have done the show before. Like I don't. And then I, then I found it, or you told me you hadn't done. I was like the level of just like force. But I, but that seems to be who you were on stage also. Yeah, I just, you know what it is.

I think, because you told me this podcast yesterday is about blocks. I was saying one of my big blocks is that I'm so annoying. It's something that I've like, my whole life I've been told. annoying yeah shut up you know and by the way from everyone from from my sister to teachers right you know it's not like you know but it's like I always feel like if you can write if you got a point of view it's like the world's coming closer to you it's like people like takes now yeah but I just I think that sometimes it is something that makes me feel insecure but I don't have that when I'm performing or on a job or that's my job to be a lot so

That really worked out. I hate it in my life when I'm too much. Or if I catch myself being on. Yeah, well, no. But married, married, no, I'm not too much. But I was saying, like, let's say I was like, gibitzing with you outside the comedy store. And I'm like, like, I just get so annoyed with myself

in the car after. Like, I'm just like. Oh, that's interesting. Okay, that's, I wouldn't have guessed. Like, like, can you tone it down? You know, and sometimes I'm that excited type of person because I just come off stage, which does give me a high. Maybe like a runner has a high or somebody who does drugs or something.

So I am buzzing a bit. But on stage, I really go, Rob, do whatever the hell you want to do. Like, I do not limit myself in the areas where it's like literally my job to do it. Like, I remember when I did The Gethard Show. I once read 800 writing packets. And out of those 800, the stranger I'd never met, Robbie Hoffman. Her's was the most interesting one. Shout out to Gethard, which was one of my first grown-up writing jobs.

I say that because I started in kids' television. I was there. Nicolian. Yeah. Oh, cool. I mean, I really, yeah, I learned everything starting from there. But I remember when I was on Gethirt, I got in trouble for some of my ideas. You know, you're pitching this. You know, it's too great, you know, like we had the network at the time, True TV.

They loved this episode that Gethard show had done, which it was Russian roulette. Russian roulette with weed. Mm-hmm. So it's like Getherd, the co-host and the guests all like, but five of them had were placebo and one was like the strongest weed of all time. Okay. And you didn't know which joint you got and you had to smoke it. So they said they loved that idea.

So if we could think of ideas like that. I already love what you've come up with. I don't even know what it is. So I said AIDS Russian roulette. It's the same thing. five syringes okay four of them or IV one's got a touch of AIDS

I'm talking a tasteful amount like literally a drop yeah okay which by the way okay yeah a drizzle and you don't know which one you have till after

we have to do the test and the whole thing it's a great suspense pitch it to one person yeah so I'm pitching this who are you pitching it to the room okay okay that's get there So it gets, yeah, no, and it gets a huge laugh in the room, okay. But the problem with me is I'm, I really believed in the idea.

And I said, by the way, AIDS is chronic now. These aren't issues. This is like- Everyone could take prep before. You're taking prep. Yeah, yeah. It's like, it's not even that bad anymore. It's like, okay.

Like, you know. It's not even as bad as COVID. No, like herpes is worse. Like, I'm just saying. So I get called in at some point that I had pitched. this Russian roulette aides, which I said, with all due respect, yeah, to the showrunner and the executive producers,

I said, with all due respect, you have hired me to do this. That is an idea that is within my job description. Yeah, I'm not the accountant here. You know, that is like I've been hired to be a clown and I'm a clown. So that's what I get annoyed. On stage or at gigs, like where I have to be in Hollywood squares,

I almost like me as a little kid, I go, Rob, just doesn't do whatever, the most, the least, whatever you want. But I do get annoyed at myself that I can't always keep it together or calm down. She's very hard to handle. I just don't like feeling annoying in my regular, you know, that I'm talking too much or doing too much. On stage, it really resonates. And it's a place for me to do that. Yeah. It feels like there's a time and a place and on stage and doing my work.

whether it's Hollywood squares or you know everybody's live with John Malaney or whatever but um it becomes a block when that bleeds into my life and I always am trying to instill more decorum I'm happy to hear it because I always think I feel like I'm annoying other people think I'm sullen and then I judge myself for the for the times I'm trying not to be sullen and then I'm annoying or braggy and then I'm like why don't you just be quiet and smile. It's hard for us to be quiet. We're one of ten. Yeah.

I know it's, and also it's so obvious what's happening psychologically. And by the way, it's like, my whole family is like this and we're all Gabby, my wife has attested because people would be like,

and I had a joke that, that, excuse me, went viral about this. It was about interrupting that I started like in these rich families the first time like, when I went for dinner and they're eating around a table and one talks and then one talks and, you know, they don't, oh, I sorry, I interrupted you.

Like, I never grew up with families like that. We had 10 people talking at the same time at all times. And it worked. You caught what you caught. You had sidebars. You jumped in here. There was no, I could follow. Name calling? You have tons. The amount of F words, the gay slur that we no longer say. Oh, we don't? I mean, you, we don't say it on, on, on podcast, but the amount we would call each other that growing up is, it was, it was crazy. I mean, we called each other poor. Like, we're like, you're poor. Well, you're fucking poor too. Yes.

Like, it was just like the dumbest, like, we called other kids, like our neighbors poor. We know how they live in a dump. Same exact. Yeah. Well, you're on food. It's like, you're bitch. Yes. You're poor too.

You know, we had like lowest jugular. or like, you know, well, your father's abusive. Like, literally, like, we had a Thanksgiving one year there was a who's funniest. Yeah.

Like, not, I mean, this is very barbed, serious, like, uh, not good.

Yeah. But it reminds you some, uh, this is how long ago this was. I, Rosie O'Donnell was on Bill O'Reilly show on Fox News. And they were a hit together. what's funny is

Bill O'Reilly's yelling and Rosie goes Bill, most people think that you're abrasive but I'm Irish from Long Island I'm so at home I don't think it's hostile No I don't it's like literally like when people go

Why are yelling? I'm like this is communicating yeah it's like Larry David It's like Larry David's some one time. Every one of his neighborhood was just yelling all the time. It's Wolf's Glen Restaurant in Westwood. That's how, and maybe it's a cultural thing. And I do, Gabby and I, we always discuss when we're in New York. I do feel at home in New York, even though New York is getting stuff here and stuff here. But I'm allowed to be New York. Like, you're allowed to be what I call

loud, laugh, all of it. So. Opinionated. Opinionated. Irritated. It's fine. It's fine. It's not... Yeah. Somebody said, you don't... You don't have an opinion about any... You know, there's nothing you don't have an opinion about.

And I thought, yeah, not only do I not have an opinion... Do I not... I have an opinion about something. I have a huge opinion about it. Like, it could be something you tell me right now, like, that I'd never even heard of. I'll have an opinion. I'll have... And I'll make a...

I have sometimes a very adamant opinion. I could be totally wrong. I don't need the information. I don't need the back. I would just tell you my opinion. I think it's fun. I think it's for first time I met Jerry Seinfeld, I said, I don't think the white sneakers work.

I don't like them. Mm-hmm. I like the jeans work. I think they work. I think he's such a cutie. Yeah. I think he looks great. I thought the white sneakers were fun.

I don't like white sneakers. By the way, we both have opinions. Right. Neither one of is right. He happens to agree with you. I don't think they work. Right. But and then within, I think he actually said to me,

He's like, you've said 10 things to me in the last half hour that no one ever says, which is fun. Your blue shirt, I wish it was white. I do too. Oh, you do too? More than anything in the world. So why are you wearing it? Because I don't have any clean shirts because I've been spending more time in New York and all my good white shirt today. Okay.

So I'm on your side. There. That's very, because there are times where I'll do shows with. if it's not necessarily you, people like you where I'm like, why don't you just be a sociopath, Neil? Why don't you just scream the way? Because I'm trying to, even like the main character had. Like, I'm trying to just, I'm trying not to be,

call attention to myself. I am trying to call attention to myself, but I'm like, there's tension. Yeah. I just realized, like, I kind of had to lean into who I, like, it's very, my whole life, you know, like I'm boyish, for instance. So I used to, and I was like this,

that was always a bit of a tomboy, so you were right in that. Did you have surgery? Have you had surgery? Yeah, I cut my tits off. We got to talk about it. Best thing, we'll talk about it. But I used to, when I was trying to fit in with my girlfriends, I had a group of friends, a bunch of rich Jewish girls in high school. I was doing well at the school, the whole bit.

Do you color your hair? No, I've never colored my hair. Okay. And none of them. They were good girls. Okay. Not that coloring your hair is bad, but also it's like... I don't know what the, if that's what they do. No, we, we didn't do much like that.

You know, I started a purse company with one of them. We designed dresses. You know, we did different things like that. It's Jewish. So you start businesses. Go ahead. And I would sit, I was making sure I was sitting femininely. Like, I just didn't want to tip off that I was like,

tomboyish in any way. Like, I was, hyper feminine to some extent. I had a great... Was it believable? Yeah, yeah, I did well. I was already annoying and loud, which was very... Did you say you have a great body?

Yeah, I had a great body, like, naturally. Like, I could be hot. Right. But I was so annoying in class and talkative, which was fine for boys, but very hard to be for a girl. So the hot really helped balance me out. Like, I was hot,

and I was careful how I spoke. Like my voice, I made a jappier, which not shout out. to all my Japanese fans, nothing to do, Jewish American princess. It's like, it's like,

I don't know, like a gina, but for girls. I think we know. I think people, it's just like a, like a waspy, again,

another abbreviation. Just like a fancy popular girl. Yeah, exactly. So I would, I was very cognizant of all of that, like how I sat,

how I did. And then I, over time, started shedding that, um, that I, I want to wear what I want to wear, be how I want to be. Are there moments from that that are like in the story of that?

There's, are there like, you make a choice? There's like two outfits and you pick that. It was a slow transition, but I don't know. I have to, you know what? I have to give it to American Apparel on this one. I hate to do it. Montreal Jew. But at American Apparel, they had sizes.

is it wasn't explicitly men's or women's the clothing. You could have a button-down shirt, typically a men's item that came even as small, XX small. And I was small. So I could start wearing stuff like that, but it wasn't necessarily men's or women. It was American apparel and it was a button-down. Right. So it started like that. And I just started falling more into myself.

I met people at school and university from New York again. And I started thinking, well, what do I even sound like anymore? Because they sound like people, you know, everybody at home, my brothers, who weren't at this fancy school and had no reason to be anyone. And I'm sure they had their own things, so I can't speak for them. But I don't know. I just stopped policing so much. how I sound, how I look, but it was over time.

I would just play around with it because I remember thinking like, if I caught myself sounding too natural, then I would go back to a jappier. Like I would do like a phone voice. At the same location? Yeah, like the next day. No, no, no. Like I would like, let's say in the heat of the moment of story

and I got to meet Robbie, then I would be like, so like, you know, I would do something. that would bring it back to a more Canadian jappy, like, elite way of speaking. Versus in my home, and by the way, my older sister, her voice, and I don't even remember, but, like, she calls, she has a phone voice because she, you know, worked in sales her whole life. That's where the term phony is from, by the way. Oh, that's so funny. Literally.

I didn't know that. Yeah. So, yeah, so her phone voice. Like, I worked on that, like, you know, daily. And then I just started thinking, I don't know, the pendulums. And then I was like too much like my voice landed somewhere in the middle. When I'm on stage and stuff, I can be, I don't have to, I can be as whatever as whatever. But it, it was confusing for so long that I was trying to sound and sit and every little thing I thought about.

This is a very broad question. Yeah. So your feeling of gender and how many people do you think are like, truly in between. I have so much to sound. Because I find myself, like, I'm just, like, pretty conventional. Like, I don't, I don't have any. No, you're a faggot.

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How many people in between? I think not a lot. Okay. But I also think, it's tough to say, you know, I have to explain all these matters to my family. right if it's like if it's like anything that's in the zeit guys that has to do with this comes to me I'll have you know six by the way I like

your approach like your they them joke is really funny because it's like any they them's here that fizzled out huh and I'll say this if you ever went by they them you should not be able to go back

no back sees you plural bitch you're acknowledging that it's a little aggravating to have to like make and then it's like no if we're doing like you're not jumping around if you want changes yeah no you have to you have to work with people you know what I mean so yeah you have to work with people that are not in that don't understand it necessarily and that's fine I don't see I've never had a need to be understood okay let's say people don't understand

me I go okay it's for me to know yeah and you to find out if you want yeah like I just, I don't have this thing that everybody needs to know me. And, and validate it. Yeah, like, I just don't think that I need to be understood. Like, let's say I cut my tits off and somebody doesn't understand that. That's fine with me. There's so much I don't understand. You know, I had dinner with my friend's family, and they had, you know, the grandparents were there or whatever,

and they were asking me about they, them. And then I play the other side of it, you know, when they were going, well, they them, Why is it? I don't understand. I said, bitch, you don't understand space travel. Like, suddenly this old bitch has to understand everything. You haven't understood a million things. Also, you understand why we have to call doctors, doctors?

Yeah, it's like insane. So that I, that would have to do. Yes, but so let's go back to the original question, which is how many people do you think are, like, are a bit like, fuck, I don't. fit into I explained it to this my family because you know when Ellie a page happened I got six of my siblings sent me the article what's going on six out of six out of ten no my brother's like she wants to be a boy well when I was a kid I wanted to be a dragon so right and it's like what why is this my but I explain it to my sister my brother-in-law so I'm I'm a woman dating a

woman okay so we're right we're lesbians my I look like this I choose to wear things like this okay what how would you describe the style like men's clothing I'm not wearing anything that's bought in the women's section yep I wear men's clothing and she you know dresses slutty is that true yeah she loves that great okay so she likes to wear very girly things and blah blah blah and she's very sexy and I ask a question about her does she like she likes to dress slutty because she likes all gendered attention, female attention, sexual attention from men, sexual attention from women.

What is it? She just loves, she loves herself and loves how she looks in the clothing that she wears. Everything she wears is like, this looks good on me. Just like when I put on this, I don't want anyone's attention necessarily. I just feel so sick in it. She feels sick in the shit she wears.

Right. So we really understand each other in that way. But okay, so she wears girly clothes. She wears girl clothes. She's, you know, she does her. And I do this. Yes, we're both lesbians. But what's the other thing?

Right? Like, yeah, we're both lesbians. We're both a girl with a girl. But why am I doing this other thing? What's the point that what's the thing that makes me want to dress like a boy? Yeah. You know, not all girls want to do that. Yeah.

You know? For instance, when I cut my tits off, like, yes, I'm a woman, but I don't think it's a normal thing for most girls do want to get rid of their tits. Something is off. Did you, that's got to be an urge that you were like, do I really want to do this? Like it's... I really wanted to do it.

For how long? It was no problem for me. I mean, as soon as I heard of it, first of all, before I was doing it, I was always wearing a sports bra. I was always trying to make them flatter. They were aggravating. They were unnecessary.

How would you describe them? I just like looking more. a photo of your chest now and it's it I I was like I had no idea yeah it's a nice chest it's great it's a nice guy's chest yeah no it's I had such a guy's chest is that how we describe it I don't have the you know they yeah they left me my muscle and everything so the natural yeah I think what people don't realize is that the chest surgery I had was an elective plastic surgery it was a a double mastectomy, but not the one for breast cancer. The one for breast cancer, people who maybe have the brocca gene or preventative or they've had cancer and need to have surgery remove them,

that is a little more invasive because that cuts all the muscle, the tissue. They can't leave your muscle. And the cuts might not be as straight because they just are scooping out. My scar is right along my pectoral muscle. But if you have the Brocka gene one, which is not a plastic surgery, they're removing your pectoral muscles. Do men and women have basically like the same pectoral muscle? Yeah. Women just have mammary glands and basically fat over that. Can we call it titney made? Yeah, exactly. But under there is muscle. It doesn't go straight to organs. Every part of your body is also covered in a layer of muscle. So they're able to, you know, put the line. The, scar neatly somewhere where it's hidden, just, you know, on where you would have a crease

anywhere with your pectoral muscle. But not the braca because people go, oh. But it is a separate surgery. You're different than your wife. Yeah, like something is off. When I found out about the surgery, so before the surgery, I was always flattening just because I liked how it looked in the clothes and what I wanted more. You know, there were signs early on, for instance, my brother's always remember.

remember that I took them shopping. I did all my brother's dating profiles when they were on plenty of fish. You know, when they started working, my brother worked at Purillator, FedEx, whatever. And they started, because we always grew up with used clothing, which is cool now, vintage. But that's why everything I have is vintage, but it's like, or a lot of what I have is secondhand. But I used to be very embarrassed about that and then it flew up. but I'm still shocked that it blew up. It's crazy.

I'm like, really? I would have bet money against that working. Yeah, no, it was so embarrassing as a kid to be shopping in Value Village and Goodwill and that sort of stuff. But now it's like, you know, they've driven the prices up there too. But we used to go to Old Navy. Like, we're going to buy new shit. Yeah. Like my brothers were like, we're going to take buy new shit, take pictures and get ourselves a girl.

And I would go shopping. shopping with all of them by this, by this. You know, to this day, my brother will, like, go shopping. Is that feminine or masculine, no, that I only went boys shopping. Okay. Like, I could dress you. And they always came to me. But I have no interest in dressing my friends.

No, I know, but why do what, but, but why would I have an, it's like a gay guy having interest in making dresses. That's what I'm doing the opposite of. Okay. Right? Like, I'm a girl interested in men's fashion. Okay. Versus like, yeah.

Of course. And I would like to say now for the record, Hassan Minaj offered to take me shopping in the last year. And I was, I'm still, I still don't know what's happening. No, I would love to take you shopping. This is terrible. The hoodie is cutie, but it needed a white shirt. This t-shirt, you know.

No, the t-shirt color, how it even ended up, how you ended up with this t-shirt, I would say. Teal works for me. No, this is not teal. No, forget that stupid thing. Forget that. It's not popping nothing. Okay.

All we see is the shirt. Not on there. There it's more mooted. So people are going to be sickly. Yeah, no, you do look sickly. But you could look like that for 40, 50 years. We'll bring this down. No, but like people who look like you, it's like 50 years later.

I'm like he looked like that 50 years ago. That's right. So it's not bad. Yeah, so, and then as soon as top surgery, I heard of it, I wanted it. And I was like, oh, that's it. How old? 30. Oh.

Yeah. I got it recently. Right. But I'm saying all this, that's the other thing that I think that people are not being, is like, this is new stuff. So to act like, what's wrong with you? You bigot. You don't understand it. It's like, it's all pretty new. Yeah, it's pretty new. And it's also like, why do we force everyone to understand everything? Like, it's just so bizarre. I just, I kind of like being like, oh, we don't know what's going on. with her. Like, that's, I just, well, good in that space. People just treat me. No, that's, when I saw the photo of you, I was like, oh, that's interesting. I had no emotions out of it other than like, oh, that's, I bet that was an interesting decision to come to. And like, it was so easy for me. And I'm lucky. So I do feel that gender dysphoria. Like, I feel like, you know, Gabby explains it's so great with the top surgery. She goes, you know how some girls want bigger tits. They want to be more

feminine or they feel like it's, you know, they like how it looks better in a dress. Yeah. And they want like nicer cleavage or whatever, you know, makes them feel like a woman or like, she wants to be less girly. Yeah. You know, she like, like, like some people like more or less. And you like the way the clothes hang as well. Yeah.

I mean, people at my brother goes, I hope it's just you stopping here. You know, my brothers go like, okay, and that's enough. We're stopping here. And you know what? They're right. I am stopping here. You know, I don't do, there's certain boyish things I like

and other things I don't like. I do kind of... And you don't need it to make sense. It doesn't need to make sense. It doesn't need to be consistent. You are openly like, yeah, I guess I'm supposed to like that. I don't like it.

I have friends who are trans men who have totally taken, they take testosterone. They've done, you know, they've, you know, basically testosterone or maybe some other surgeries or whatever and I feel grateful that I'm fine just like this. This is the touch I needed.

I haven't even cut my hair. I have long hair. I don't... These things don't bother me, but I know people who want to feel even more boyish. What's the ethos you're going for? Like who's your... No one, just like this. You don't have a thing in mind. No. How many examples? I don't know.

I don't know anyone else who's really done this. Not a ton of people. There's just not like a lot of history. You know, I kind of... You do look like someone in the special. The singles of you look like you're from the 30s. Yeah. Because the glasses.

Right. So there is a lot of history. Yeah, no, exactly, exactly. But I'm saying like in terms of like kind of mind, like it became possible and I did it, you know. And I don't know. I just like it. Yeah, it's also, it's like, okay, it's a thing.

It's not defining. It's like a part. You've got 10 interesting parts of your personality. It's one of them. Maybe that's not even, it's just like, I don't know, I did it. And I don't think about it. Yeah. And I don't know.

I know people have done more or less or whatever. And look, if I couldn't get it done, if it was something that didn't exist, I'd be fine. But it was something available. I was able to do it and so I did it and many people don't understand it I mean I had to tell mon of my brothers my older brother I said well you know because

you know with with cysts and I never even said I had but I said with cysts and different things and he called me later said you did the right thing he said my wife's sister something terrible you did the right so like to this day he might think I did it as a perfect you know what I mean like I'm not trying to to explain everybody everything you know he's like medical you did the right thing get rid of him so

better today yeah it's really interesting that that's that if it's a justification that they can get behind then like yeah then none of the the political or sociological or our choices that you made it for yeah he don't have to worry about that yeah i just i don't know i just like i just want to do it is it Does it get you, does it feel like it gets you closer to satisfied or closer to like the self-acceptance or like? I feel very accepted. Yeah, that's the thing. It's like it got me. More than you did. Let's say, let's say I had my tit still. And again, this surgery didn't exist. And it was dirty. And I never even heard of it or whatever. I'd be fine. It wouldn't be the worst thing. I still enjoy. I love being me. Thank God. I don't think it's for everyone to be me. I got a weird one. I feel like God's looking. He's sending. me this one. I go, God, that's a weird one. I can do it. This idea? Yeah, the idea of me, like, if God's like assigning souls to bodies or whatever, and he gives me, I go, okay, that's kind of a strange one. You know, anything easier, anything, you know, and they're going, no, we think

you can handle that one. I go, okay, I've done well for me. Like, I've handled myself very well. Like, not everybody could be this. I was given this. And I enjoy it. I enjoy it quite a bit. So if that surgery didn't exist, if other things like, I would be fine. I would be wearing my sports bras.

I'd probably be doing that, but I'd feel better in them. And that would be it. I know plenty of dykes who maybe would remove their tits, maybe not, but they're fine. There's always going to be, I think, for me or for most people, something of the body. You know, I'm not,

I don't think, I think there's a difference between some people chasing and chasing it's never enough. Yeah, you know. Well, that's it like people that get so much surgery that you're like, you know. Or like a tattoo or something. And even with the surgery, you know,

me getting it, you know, as soon as I found out about it, I said, okay, well, we'll wait two years. Because I always thought if I want a tattoo, I'll wait one year for a tattoo. Just waiting period, cool down period. Yeah, that you wait. Because, you know, part of not having such involved parents my mother was spread very thin over the 10 kids

and my father was absent is I learned to self-parent a little bit, you know? So I'm like, well, if I did have parents and I wanted a tattoo, yes, I'm 30, but I wanted a tattoo and I had parents, good parents in my life, they tell me maybe wait a year. Yeah. So I would implement parental controls.

And these are things that you just picked up of like, eh, maybe be smart about this. It wasn't like, you saw somebody else get parent. as a parent too because again, and you probably relate to this more than anybody that I know, you know, you probably have brothers and sisters who, yes, are your brothers and sisters, but they were also parents to you in a way. I have several. Yeah.

So, you know, my little brother was my little brother, but he's also my son. Mm-hmm. You know, I did grow up with a very maternal life just for my younger siblings, just, you know, I was five years old changing my brother, and he was almost my size. Yeah. He was a big baby, and I was very small, and I would hoist him onto the table, get his legs up, his balls with a size of his ass, and I would get, you know, and I would get the diaper under and close him up. But so, so I've had those parental controls, like, on other, so I just, when I moved out at 1718, I started being like, well, you're not just going to be lawless. Like, you know, we need, we need.

We need controls. That you were like, you knew. Yeah. So I would try and implement what I would tell maybe my little sisters or my little brother or what somebody, an active parent, my friends who at this point, again, I met all these rich people who came from what I thought were good families. They had parents talking to them even through their 20s. You know, they would ask their parents for decision on what kind of a car, anything, really.

So I would try and do that. So I said, if I want a tattoo, I'm going to wait one year. Surgery? I said, Rob, surgery? That's two years. Yeah. I remember that's, you're not going near surgery. And that gave me time. Did you, in that two years? Okay. So you take the two years. Yep. Everything. To get my consult, to get my, my, my, everything in order that I needed to have the best research possible. Online communities, Reddit, anything? Online, the doctor's websites, all of it. And, and.

and so then I got it. But I did put a control. I wait for everything. That's a small thing. If I want, okay, this sweatshirter, I got half off at censor. Okay, it's a brand name. I grew up dreaming like a rapper. It's like a resale site.

Yeah. Okay. Some is like, or, you know, gray old, sometimes it's pre, you know, it's used. There's a Reddit thread you may want to follow called frugal male fashion. Oh, okay. They got. I'm worried. that you're on that and that's where you got that shirt.

This is all free. This is, this was, I direct commercials and they just go, the costume guy goes, I got shirts. I'm like, oh, give me some. I'm very, I'm cheap before anything. Okay, I can't wait to dress. But I know how to dress. But I'm like, I can dress.

Yeah, like, let's say this. Fruital male fashion is exactly the kind of sweatshirt they would have on there. I think, yeah. So I wanted this a sweatsher. Mm-hmm. In truth, I wanted a new zip. I wanted something to travel in

because I have one zip down already, but I find a, a little tight. It's not like cozy to be on the plane with. Like I kind of want a big sweatshirt just for the day to day. I wait, I don't know, a month to three months for something like that, a sweatshirt. You ever do the thing where you put it in your cart and then don't buy it and then come back? Yeah. I percolate for a while. Yeah. Smart. Everything, I percolate a while on kind of anything I bring in or I do. And the bigger the thing. Yeah, so sweatshirt one month. Okay, but it's an expensive sweatshirt. It's a brand I like. Whatever. A surgery, Rob, that is two years minimum.

If you still want it and you have to have won it as much as you want it. And I was even more sure. Great. So it was an easy decision for me. It wasn't, it's like when people tell us so hard to perform stand-up comedy, not for me. Not for me. For you, you can't imagine it. But I find small talk with you harder. Like I find other things way harder. Like once I'm free and I'm on stage and it's just me and they're going, Robbie, you actually get to talk as much as you want right now. That's perfect for me. For other people, they're like, what, me, talk? You know, so it's just, it feels, what feels natural to me may not.

Joe Rogan has said it before on his podcast. People tend to vary. And I've agreed with that little phrase. I haven't agreed with all of his opinions. But people tend to vary is a very nice way of putting it. Yeah. And you didn't. And that's, and you don't, ethically, morally grown up Jewish.

Because I wonder with when you, is it nature or nurture? Do you think like the one, as you said, cut your heads off? Yeah. Is that a, where do you think it's from? I literally don't know. Yeah. Just like an idea. Some of us I get an idea.

Yeah. And I'm like, oh, thank God I thought of that. I didn't. Like mana from the sky. Like I'm like, oh my God. Thank God that came to me. That's actually really working out. Yeah.

I don't know. You know, I had a therapist early on. When I went to school on subsidy, I went to university and I got a scholarship. But part of the, and it was a financial aid scholarship. And part of it was you had to sit with a therapist. To get in. You just had to meet with her every six months.

Like it was part of the schools. Like you had to meet with like the accounts. you had to show your budget, like, you know, you know, they maybe gave you $500 a month for a living or something. And they would be like, you know, what's miscellaneous $150? I'm like, heat. Heat could be, you know, I'm trying not to use it, but sometimes they just, they fuck it.

And it was, we had that cold snap and I was frozen. And I used the heat every day for that week. And that's why the miscellaneous one, you know, I would have to defend my life like this. Like it was so crazy. That is crazy. It was so crazy. And, yeah, I've always been defending my place and earning my place.

And that's a reason I talk a lot, too. It's like I was at rich people's houses or in a rich institution. And it's like, okay, I'm not bringing the pool. You know, my house isn't the one with the pool. But I'm bringing the hot topics. I'm bringing the good tea. Yeah. Okay.

And it's a thankless job to be the one with the personality if you have nothing else to contribute. I didn't bring the food. I didn't bring the stakes. I'm not, it's not my pool, you know, but I'm bringing the takes. I'm bringing the takes. Later on, when we started to go out as girls, I'm hitting on the guy. I'm getting us boyfriends. No problem. I was hot. I had a good mouth and I could at least get us in there. Maybe I did. Did you ever deal with guys? Yeah, all the time. And how did how did you like it? I did very well. Did you like sex stuff with I only had sex six times. Well, three times, really.

I love flirting. Well, that's a bit of a game on social and genderless. Yeah, I like the social. That's what I'm saying. I just like the whole thing, and I like guys a lot. So I was always kind of into them, but I'm not like deep. But I did like, I like guys a lot. And I work with a lot of guys now, and it's great.

What do you like about when you specifically said that, what do you mean? I don't know. I just have fun with guys. Yeah. I just have always, I have had a lot of brothers. I love girls. And my best friends are girls. One of my best friends is a guy, two of them actually.

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This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. All right, here's the thing, guys, Squarespace. I knew that they used, I used Squarespace on my website. I had a different web guy who built my website. David Paul Meyer, who went on to win an Emmy for directing the Daily Show. with Trevor now. But back then it was during COVID and he was like hey I was like hey you want to help me out. Anyway he used Squarespace I got the login I'm I'm in charge of the website now guys you got a problem with the layout talk to number one but here's what I what I found very

interesting about the about Squarespace it's got a lot more than it did last time I was on it okay so it's got the layout stuff you can and I put videos and links to to here and I got to figure more of that out. I'm still like literally in the middle of it was doing it yesterday. But it's got more like back of house mail mailing list. It's just got stuff that you can do from from the point of view of owning the website. I could sell a lot of merch on there. I could do do email lists.

I could do like live things. I could do. There's just way more than I remembered. It's got what used to be you'd need five different websites or different apps to or different programs to use. Like now it's all on Squarespace. So it's great. It's not expensive. It's effective.

You can also buy domain names on there. There's just so much stuff you can do on Squarespace. I was very impressed. I'm not, look, am I saying, are ready to go to Nealbrenner.com and check out my work? Look if you want to. Go to, before you do that, go to Squarespace.com. slash any al for a free trial and when you're ready to launch use offer code any al to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain

the guys they're doing it all Squarespace promo code neal at a therapist assigned from a school that I'd have to meet maybe every six months to do this assessment whether I still need financial aid or not I'm like still poor like yeah my grades are good whatever and she was like and I was starting to dress the way, again, think American apparel, I was starting to wear stuff, maybe that I like to wear. I had one or two good shirts or what I thought were like cool going out shirts that I would wear. And I don't know why she asked me, but it came up in the therapy that my sexuality and I'm exploring, I have a girlfriend or whatever. And she goes, and I'm

like, yeah, I just like, you know, every time I walk into a room, I look like this now. Yeah, it's like, it's just, you know, you're just always like, oh, like, you know, it's nothing, it's wrong, but it's, it is different. It's, it's weird. Most, most aren't. Because you think you'd feel better if you chose to wear different clothing. And then I remember thinking, like, well, I actually am not even like, or if you chose, you know, if you liked other clothing or if you could like, I don't remember how she said it, but I'm like, I don't choose taste. Like, when you go to a store, when you go to Uniclo. Yeah. And they have the women's section and the men section like this. When you're looking at the store. I go, ooh, new, new cords, new brown cords. I wonder if they have my size.

I'm not like choosing. If they didn't have signs, you would still go to the courts. Like, yeah, I just, I've never been like, oh, the summer dresses came in. Yeah. Yeah. Like, it just, it doesn't speak to me in the way that, like, Gabby is genuinely excited. Like, I've always just, yeah. Oh, those look sick. I wonder if they come in small sizes. Yeah. You know, and I just, so it wasn't, it would be me choosing not to wear. Like, this is much less

of a choice, me actively choosing to wear the summer dress. That would be a choice and a hard choice. Like, I would have to be like, okay, you have to wear this. You should wear this, you know. That feels a lot more like a choice than this, which feels a lot

more organic and natural. It seems like, You can't help it. You can't you can't help to be yourself anymore. Yeah. And I wanted to.

Right. Right. So, and how long was that process? Do you think it's done? Do you think you've got like, all right, I am doing, I am who I want to be most of the day?

I think God willing, you know, we have, I think to know a life takes a life. If God willing, you're given 120 years or 90 years or 85 years, years or 70 years or you know 97 years I think you needed every one of those years to figure it up like

I think that the purpose of life maybe what people are quite is just is the life you know people what what what is happening you think it's like it's just it's you get one model car it's you yeah and you got to get your car to the end yeah that's life like like you like you You're working on your car. It's you. Yeah. You know, the point of a life is a life. And so, yes, I think I love, you know, love what's going on with myself and I really feel myself.

I can't say that there's, I'm done feeling more myself or, you know, I'm sure there's an ebb and flow, but it's really fun knowing yourself more and more and more. And I think it takes an entire life to have a life. Whatever years you've given, I think you're need, I would have needed every day of that. Were there things that surprised you that you ended up like things? Because there are times when I think about my life and I'm like, it all feels connected. It all feels like if you told me at age five that I'd be wearing this shirt. Yeah.

I'd be, well, it is a very childish shirt. But it all feels like, yeah, that seems pretty. of a piece. Are there things that are surprising you? I think it's unusual because I did think that, like, yes, I don't have anything compared to all these people around me, especially when I went to that school and all that stuff. Like, I really have nothing. And I've talked to this a little bit, but like, I really felt like I have nothing. Like, there's roaches, like, there's holes in the wall. It's like there's sullophane on the fucking windows to keep the heat in.

It's like my great-uncle Eddie's got piss all over his pants walking around the house. Like, it's just horrible. I have nothing. But then I always felt in the back, like, I have almost, like, I, yes, I have nothing. I have almost nothing, really, because I have me. Like, Rob, we have, we basically have nothing. You're right.

But we have, we do have me. It's not nothing. It's close to nothing. There's no question. It's close to nothing. But it isn't actually nothing. And let's see what we could do with that like nugget, like that tiny flame. Like we just have to keep it going blow on it.

We just have to like get out of here. Like I felt, I remember seeing the value in the way I spoke at school or my public speaking or writing or getting, you know, having friends and being able to maneuver. and that my personality was doing the whole thing, that I didn't have anything, that I had ugly shoes, that I had nothing good compared to other people, that on free dress day I still wore the uniform

because I didn't have anything to wear. And so I would pretend to the kids like, oh, I forgot it was free dress day, even though we're all looking forward to it forever. I'd be dreading it because I'm like, I literally have nothing to wear, but the uniform. And, yeah, so I felt, I remember at some point feeling we, we and then so that started getting bit like we're gonna well are we gonna do something with that or not

and then i just went all in on me like okay almost as if to talk to me as a little girl and be like hey little rob like i you know i almost like i'm like you know she's still impatient like what are we doing here like what's going on are we there yet and i'm going i am doing the best i can to get us there you have no idea what i'm what do you think there is what is think there is. Just everything we wanted. Just, just, you know, just the most. I don't even limit a dream because it's free. So I don't even just keep going.

Just, you know. Is it merch? Not merch, literally, but is it, is it, how's cars? It's now, it's like, we're now in an enjoyment phase where we're like, we're doing what we like it. Like now it's like when people go, and I'm sure you've experienced this too sometimes when you,

when you have a special or something, or you're part of a big show, and they go like, oh, you know, where did you come from? Did you always think? And I go, yeah, I was saying there's something here. Yeah. I actually was first to think, I think there's something here. Yeah.

Like as a kid, I was like, but I think there's something here. Like we, you know, it's not good, Rob. It's not ideal. I wouldn't wish this for anyone your child. You know, it's not ideal. You could have more. stuff there's no question but we don't have nothing so I don't know that's how I feel like now we're in an enjoyment phase where it's like me and the kid is a little the kid

and me have integrated a little bit more and we're kind of just enjoying like wow we were kind of right there was something I every I that's the one of the themes of the show is like people thought had a suspicion about themselves and we were kind of right yeah and it's not it you could say it's air it's air it because it's whatever it's easy to say that but it's like it's more heartwarming than that no because if i was bad at stand-up i would have not done it yeah like i would have i gave myself six months i also had a parentification of myself through stand-up like when i heard of it i'm like what is it even you're not doing that if what is it it's it's sent there's no job this what is it

yeah and then i started doing it and i was like going good i said you have six months if it's not going good because I was seeing losers bomb. Did you know what what is good after six months? Like not, like doing well. Yeah. Like I was winning Best of Open Mike.

You know, any small competition I was entering. You know, you know, Best Canadian, whatever, whatever, like whatever I could enter whatever mic I could perform at. You think more people should do that?

No. No, because I think most of the time you're wrong. I happen to be right about it, but I'm unusual. No, more people should give themselves a time. Oh my God, I wish they did. That's what I'm saying. No, no, no, I'm saying, like, so many people think I could do that and they can't. Like, this was so unique.

Yeah. You're probably, you're probably wrong. Yeah. I happened to be right, and I had a very good, I had, it wasn't like a sure thing. It was like, I'm pretty sure. It was like, yeah, it felt like I had a good enough hunch. If you don't have that. But either way, even with that, I was like six months because your hunch could be, you were dead wrong.

You're bomb. Nobody likes you. Like, you're not doing the thing. But it was going good. It was going good. So that's why I continued doing it. And then I had a calling on my hands. And then I was horrified because I'm like, I wouldn't wish a calling on my worst enemy.

I mean, who wants to go out here and do this every now? I'm going to be poor for sure. Yeah. If I choose this, this is sure poverty. Yeah. There's no money here. I want a competition. I want a certificate.

There's no money. I spent four hours at this club. Had you not Googled stand-up comedy and salary? So I just thought, like, I wouldn't wish a calling unless you're sure. Like, I felt like Moses. Like, but why me? I'm like, why do I have to go out and do this? Chop your tits off.

Yeah. Do you stand-up, chop your tits off. You have to do something. and chop your teeth off and I said all right God for you I said for you I'll do it Valenciaga sweatshirt the old Prada sneakers love it you got a dress like that but I mean yeah you you have a calling and you're annoying to people well I want no no no first of all first of all and to a lot of people I'm not no no I don't say it like I think you are I'm saying that the downside is you do have a calling to be good at that these you're going to be

deficient in other categories. First of all, and I don't even think I'm that annoying. I think it's because we're forced into so much small talk, and I'm triggered to keep it going or something, that it gets annoying. Yeah. You know, but if you guys had good topics and stuff,

like, I wouldn't be that annoying. Definitely not talking to you. But there's many people we could probably talk about together. Sure. No, you I always wanted to talk to. Work on your topic. I also have no chill with people that I admire.

So let's say I went up to you. Now, the reason I know you is my brother Schmole is a huge fan. Great. You know, so things like this come up. Like, I saw you wrong with Neil Brennan. Like, did you, you know. You mentioned one of come on the podcast as at the store one night. Yeah.

Oh, I mentioned him. Yeah. Yeah. No. So when I go up, like, I'm worried that I'm too. I don't have that Hollywood thing of like pretending you don't care. Like, I will go up to be like. I'm the same way.

Oh, really? I am very openly like, hey. But we shouldn't be doing that. Like, I've started. learning like it and it takes everything out of me like it takes everything to not do the obvious thing yeah to not like go up and be like by the way like i like i liked you in this and i liked you in this like and people do it to me and i don't mind at all like when people come up because i'm like oh i don't think people mind it if you if there's nothing you can say to most people that's like

you can't say like i like you in hey brett pet i like you in fight club like no but people don't want you a lot of the people with the air they don't want you like they like to be not liked. Like they have that they have that thing that some people in relationships chase. Like they like a guy who who doesn't like them. You know, like if the guy doesn't like you, then the girl's like in love with him, you know? So it's like that vibe happens a lot and I've never had that. Like people ask me, have I ever dated like straight girls or whatever? I'm like, I've never been interested in people who aren't interested in me because I don't like to impose. Like you have to like me to like me. Like I don't want to be like, oh my God, they don't like me.

Yeah. Like that's, I want to die. I'm going to leave. Like, I don't, if somebody doesn't like me, I'm like, I'm so sorry. Like, I had no, I only want you, people come to me voluntarily, like, come to the shows, you know. I'm not there to impose. Are you a good partner, spouse? Yes. Go on. What? I'm just, A, I love it. You love being in a partnership. Well, yeah, I love being married to my wife. Yeah. I've had bad partnerships, but I hesitate to say bad because of, of course, I'm just, A, I love it. I love being in a partnership. You love being in a partnership. I love being a partnership. I love being a partnership. I love being. I love being. I'm not. I'm. I'm, but, but I course you're supposed to learn in those years. You know, I would rather have had relationships that failed before my marriage for sure, you know, and had that experience than it being like my first ever thing. Yeah. Which also can work. You know, there's no rules to anything, but I love being married. Great. Like, I don't know. It's, it's again such a natural fit for me. You know, I think some people have maybe non-monogamous or things like that, and there's like, you know, so many things going on now, but the reason I've never cheated or

I don't cheat or I like monogyn. I think all the hate that people had for trans people should have, we should have saved it for the poly people. Thank you. I agree. I agree. More hate on the poly. Could you imagine? We're advocating. Start poly hate. I don't cheat not because

I'm not supposed to because it's a rule like you don't cheat. I genuinely don't it does not cross yeah I genuinely let's say Gabby whatever wanted let's say Gabby

she's not Paula we're both the same this way but let's say I was with somebody who was Polly and they wanted to I would probably stay home I I okay so do I like it wouldn't you don't think it would hurt you oh yeah maybe it would hurt me if it was a secret

or something cheated but I'm just saying it's not like I would be I would just probably wait for her to come home like I'm just okay like my my my wife's not home I'm gonna watch TV tonight like I'm just not a multiple like I am very focused

even in my work and and in my relationship and in I'm I'm hyper interested in things and maybe that maybe that's a you know autism quality or whatever which could be also cultural and whatever but it's like yeah when I like something I like it a long time

my glasses I've had for I don't know 14 years now yeah I found the glasses. They were on a teddy bear in a window. They were small. My head is small. Your head is small. It's hard for us to find small glasses.

Thank you for noticing. Well, I like other people small heads. Physically big head, but small face. Small face. That's, yeah. So small face is tough. And I saw them. And I've never had to think about them since.

Yeah. I'm not somebody with the trends. I know plastic came in and then went out and then metal came back. And I was here again. Okay. So we're still, that's fantastic. that it's in again because I just when I like something I just like the thing

yeah and I can listen to the same song over and over for 20 years I mean I'm not somebody always chasing the new music or when I like something I really tend to like it but you do want me to dress better I love that that would be a joy yeah no no because I think we can make you I don't love this particular do you have a girlfriend yes how long uh three years oh wow do you look together uh no Okay, we can talk off the pot, but I definitely like it's all, it's interesting and right. What I do like what you wear is when you wear a button down.

I know. I just literally didn't wear it. No, no, no. I think you do that well. I don't always love it to the top button, but on you, you work it out. Thank you very much. Just like I don't love every dude of long hair, but Johnny Depp did his thing. Like, I give credit, you know, like he did the damn thing. He did his thing. Yep. There's no question. If you're going to be a dude with long hair, you want to be him. Yes. You know, just like the button up to, it's not, it's a sophisticated, it's something different. Not everybody should be doing it. But you do it well.

Totally great. Thank you. And those are all, by the way, those are custom shirts. Wow. Okay, that's what I like. That's what I like to hear that you're treating yourself. I feel like we, I feel like we did good. Oh, good.

Really? Yeah. I was intimidated. My brother's going to be so excited. It's, you're objectively interesting. Thank you. So that's. I mean, and you're opinionated and you don't, you don't really.

seem to I'm the shame the like why are you annoying thing is interesting but like I don't I don't don't don't stop questioning yourself yeah and I'm I'm trying to learn that's that's you're bringing you're bringing action yeah and I mostly enjoy myself but those are things that make me embarrassed and also just like with the body stuff I don't know anyone who's like yes I got cut my teeth off but of course there's a million things if I had to change my water but you also got a self-accept Like, it's not going to ever be perfect. Like, just get good enough. You know, get good enough.

I'm sure people, you know, it's not just women who have these issues. I'm sure guys want the six-pack or they want this. But it's like, okay, maybe they're not going to get the six-pack, but they're not going to be 300 pounds overweight. You know, they'll get good enough and you can enjoy plenty at that space. It doesn't have to be whatever you think the perfect is. And everybody doesn't have to, like, get okay with like, I don't get it and I don't like it. Yeah, I don't get it.

That's fine. You don't understand. You don't have to do it. I hate when I ask people like, hey, let's say directions. Do you know which way sunset is? And they go, I go, it's no. Say no, I don't know. It is okay not to know.

Don't start to, don't live trying to, I think. You don't know, just like me. Nothing embarrassed. I'm the one who asked. I didn't know either. You have a ton in common with this person. Neither of you know where sunset is. It's insane.

I am Robbie Hoffman. Robbie Hoffman was here, everybody, and it's, I dare you to forget it. Robbie Hoffman, wake up streaming on Netflix. Thank you so much for helping that pop off. It really means the world for me. You can continue to watch it. It's never too late, guys. It's also streaming worldwide now.

I know there's people in Germany who've been asking about it, which shocks me. Was it not worldwide? There was something, it wasn't 100% worldwide, but we're 100% worldwide now. None of them are 100%. Yeah, they roll it out. I think there are none of them. Oh, yeah, maybe some countries don't get it. And by the way, that's, you know, I'm not for some countries.

I don't think it's legal to have me. I don't know. I don't know. But you can check that out. I'm on tour. It's about 95% sold out. Get what's left of that. I am Robbie Hoffman on Instagram.

Follow me for nudes. Thank you so much. Neil also my podcast I love to Shmullie oh my god Schmole Schmole will have to have you on my podcast to debrief this episode

maybe we'll live watch it maybe we'll live watch it and live respond to it that would be fun yes my podcast Too Far is available Patreon only we don't receive any

we don't accept any corporate dollars as they won't give them to us so too far on Patreon only and we're going to probably debrief this episode Can't wait. Wow. Thank you, Neil.