Blocks w/ Neal Brennan - Ronny Chieng

Episode Date: February 9, 2023

Neal Brennan interviews Ronny Chieng (The Daily Show, Shang-Chi, Crazy Rich Asians, Netflix special 'Speakeasy,' + more) about the things that make him feel lonely, isolated, and like something's wrong - and how he is persevering despite these blocks. Ronny's Blocks: 00:00 Intro 6:20 Deferential 7:19 客气 17:57 Holidays 27:16 TV Shows 31:48 Nicer to strangers 37:35 Hates Umbrellas 42:35 Hates Small Talk 44:25 Hates Pick Your Brains 47:55 Dad Died 1:00:31 Showers After Dump Watch Neal Brennan: Blocks on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/81036234 Theme music by Electric Guest (unreleased). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Need a great reason to get up in the morning? Well, what about two? Right now, get a small, organic Fairtrade coffee and a tasty bacon and egg or breakfast sandwich for only $5 at A&W's in Ontario. What's up, guys? You gotta start a YouTube video like that. What's up, guys?

Hey, guys. What's up? hey guys what's up hey guys i actually have a joke with them about these guys what's up guys my name is neil brennan i have a netflix special called blocks it's streaming as we speak uh where i talk about the things that make me feel like something's wrong with me make me feel abnormal make me feel like i don't fit into the world and now i do a podcast where i have my friends come on and tell me about their blocks and we are all very earnest and vulnerable and people thank us for our vulnerability and they mark they write in the comments thank you i feel that way also they also say mean things about my face and uh i don't have aids i just got a lot of tests done thanks though thank you for your concern and uh we we shame shame here my guest today you're uh you're a

friend of mine ronnie thank you and no usually you'd say thanks you know you are as well yep you're my friend you don't have to say it i'm trying not to interrupt you i don't know how long this intro is going for. But yes, thank you. That's another thing I've picked up from the comments. I interrupt too much. So feel free to go back at me. You gotta fight fire with fire.

You're a friend too. Yeah, you're my friend. And I've known you for six or seven years. I met you through Trevor at The Daily Show. I actually met you a year before that at JFL. Yes, that's correct. Which if you were a friend, you would have remembered. And you gave me some tips on my set.

Which I- Were they helpful? Yes, yes they were. What was your set? You just pulled me outside the Marriott and you're like, hey listen man. So that thing, this thing, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, oh, thanks man, I appreciate it.

I knew who you were at that point. I was like, oh man, I appreciate this. i'm very presumptuous that's what i'm learning that's what i'm learning from this podcast i've learned a lot about me uh but i tell it does help people from time to time so i've known you seven years i mentioned jfl yes everybody knows that and i have a lot of respect for you and i feel a kinship with you emotionally in a way that I couldn't I'll tell you today wow I feel a kinship with you emotionally here is the kinship I feel with you this is the first I'm hearing about this yes what's fun to watch about you is you are angry and frustrated all the time. Thank you. Especially on The Daily Show.

Sure, sure. You get to be as angry as I would love to be. Oh. But you're charismatic and it's fun

to watch you be angry and frustrated. Thank you. And this is high praise because for those of us who know Neo,

Neo is very honest with his appraisals. So thank you so much. Well, yeah, but that's why your jokes work. Thank you. Is because it's fun to watch you be angry and frustrated. Thank you. It's a hard move to do because English is not your first language, right? English is my first language.

Like I said, English is your very first language. Like English is my first language Like I said English is your very first language Like we said Great friends You're from Singapore Malaysia Malaysia And

You're Chinese Yes Parents are Chinese Yes But you worked in Australia Yeah Okay So

It's just a lot of things For a white person Yeah it's a lot of things For Americans Yeah It's a lot of things for Americans So it's just easier lot of things for a white person. Yeah, it's a lot of things for Americans. Yeah, it's a lot of things for Americans. So it's just easier to just go Asian. But, you know, there's a whole world out there and it's very hard to explain.

There's not many Asians though, from what I understand, right? It's very hard to explain, you know, Singapore and Malaysia and then you add Australia and there's too many things. And then you add the idea that you're ethnically Chinese in those places and people are like, it's too much for Americans, you know. But you speak English like it's not your first language. I think it's just being in Singapore, you know.

Like, that's just how we speak English in Singapore. Like, I went to school a lot in Singapore, so this is how. Oh, okay. But you know what's funny is that like, here everyone's like, oh, Asian accent, whatever. In Singapore, I was like the whitest guy in Singapore. People would be like this, you know, this banana,

like shut up banana. Explain banana to the- Oh, it's yellow on the outside, white on the inside. So like in Singapore and my Chinese scores were the worst. I always was- Your Chinese scores were the worst? Yeah, in school. And so-

Like a 98 out of 100? No, man. I'm like borderline passing. And, you know, I had some very good Chinese teachers, some very strict Chinese teachers. And I was always like the... I was always like the, you know,

problem in class because they don't take kindly to like young Chinese boys who can't speak any Chinese because I moved back to Singapore a little later. So my point is that in Singapore, I was like the one who was seen

as the most white Western foreign guy. And then I come to America, everyone's like, oh man, he's the most Asian guy I've ever seen. You sound like you're Asian. And I'm like, okay, I guess, you know. That's so funny

because I know you when I assumed that. Right, right. mean right right right so to you i sound the most asian but you're incredibly asian oh my god but there's also something kind of punk rock about you do you know what i'm saying i feel like if you like if i saw like ronnie chang uh jumps into audience you wouldn't be surprised i wouldn't be surprised there's like a kinetic maybe it's because i watched too many of your your jujitsu videos but like there's something about you that's like openly physically like right palpable it's's anger, but that's too simple. I don't think it's venomous. I think it's just in you.

Thank you. Well, this is high praise, and I find it very- None of it. This may not even be praise. This is just what I think of you. I take this as praise because you're a very astute observer of comedy. What do you think of- Do you agree with me, or do I have you wrong?

I do. It's very hard for me to talk about myself and my own act because anything- I'm talking about your spirit though. I know, I know. But it's very hard for me to talk as though I'm in the least bit praising myself at all. I find that very immodest. You're also weirdly deferential. Sure.

I kind of leave the praise to other people to say. I don't want to, you know, presume to know my own strengths or talk up myself because I just think it's very untasteful or tacky. There's something defined, like your joke in your most recent special. What's the name of it? Speakeasy.

Speakeasy. I don't, I know, I could tell you the jokes. I don't know the name of it. That thing about like, cancel me. That thing that they ended up putting on the best of Netflix thing, which we all select what bit we want to. That was you voted for that bit. But there's something defiant about you that is fun to watch

because it's not a common move for Asian people in America. Sure. Do you know what i mean it's more like if it were a movie they'd let the grandmother be that do you know what i mean like right whereas you're like no i'm fucking pissed and i'm frustrated the other thing is um i think because my mom is a extremely polite person and in chinese we call it call it keqi. And keqi means very differential. And so she'll be very, she'll always consider

your emotions first as part of, as a manner of etiquette in a situation. Socially, keqi means like, I'll defer to you. I'll say, oh, when you offer me a drink,

I'll be like, oh, no, no, it's okay. I don't want to trouble you. That kind of thing. That's the energy in my mind. And my mom took that to the tent and she kind of made us do that as well. And then growing up, I kind of realized like,

I guess that's why my way of rebelling against it was to like, I just hate authority. Do you do it to a point? I do it in personal. Do you do deferential and then you're like, fuck it. Because I've done that a ton in my life. Right, I guess we all do. I think it you're like, fuck it, because I've done that a ton in my life. Right, I guess we all do. I think it's more like in personal situations,

we know how to behave as adults and your upbringing comes in. And then on stage, you're the person you wish you were or the person you were. You're trying to express something. And so I guess my way of rebelling against that was to not care. My mom, sometimes she's like how can you how can you

not care about that how can you say that and i'm like oh it's you know it's jokes they get it and also that's how i really feel and then you know she'll be like oh but aren't you scared of this this this i'm like no mom i'm not scared that's what that's what this is about you know i guess that's where the punk rock comes in you know yeah sometimes with comedy not not all not that comedy just has to be punk rock but i mean it's some of comedy is like a response yeah like we're all responding like sebastian was on here sebastian was on here and talking about how we like he doesn't like confrontation and then his act is like yeah all like what the fuck did you so with you it seems like a guy who's quietly going about his day right and like okay okay uh-huh

right right squeeze like i can see you getting squeezed on train and then you go on stage and you're like okay let's talk about yeah but i don't think i'm alone in that i know i'm i think most comics yeah i think most comics do that most comics will put up it's fun i can really picture it happening to you. With Sebastian, I can see him a little bit getting frustrated at CVS. Sushi place or whatever. Whereas you, because

I can see you not saying anything. Well, I think part of that is also now that I have a little bit of profile. I don't want my interactions with strangers to be bad. I'd rather have it be good and then just go on my day.

You know, I just feel I got too much to lose by being that 21-year-old person who thinks that being honest means saying whatever's on my mind at any given moment. Right, right, right. And therefore, if any annoyance, you just express it immediately. You know, for me,

that's like a very immature way of being honest and so part of being nice to people in day-to-day life is i feel it's a type of maturity and then you express it on stage so what you're describing is being nice in real life and then being angry on stage and i think that's kind of why i might be like that yeah being like friendly and personable right because you don't know first of all you don't know who you're meeting up not that they can do anything for you

but you know I'm sure you meet fans and you know how it is like sometimes you're having a bad day or you just got off the phone something happened or you're just frustrated

something and then they come in hey can I take a photo and you know if you're less than 100% which I'm often less than 100% with photos

you know they go back going ah man this guy sucks you know I've you're less than 100%, which I'm often less than 100% with photos, you know, they go back going, oh, man, this guy sucks, you know. I've never phoned it in once. With a photo? Yeah. Photo wise. I deliver time after time after time. And so that's also a Will Smith thing, right? I mean, he said, like, he always wants to be the most positive.

Yeah. How'd that work out for Will? How did all that pent up friendliness work out out yeah maybe maybe no no but that's you're not right like it is like and then eventually you rebel but yeah but you seem to have your valve is like will had no valve but right yeah that yeah and you have a valve a daily valve of yes of comedy which is our self-expression but also you see me only with comics and we i imagine you though from your act yeah i can picture you with your wife oh okay very explicitly okay no i can picture you stop i can you want me to stop with my wife

let me tell you what i see no i can picture you have a joke about your wife yes yes and uh that you have what's the exact wording the ongoing battle oh i can't between you your wife and your tone oh yes yes yes um battle yeah so clearly your wife sees you as pretty punk rock also and like uh tone issues i don't know if it's punk rock right but it is like she has an issue with like maybe the way you kind of speak sometimes yes yes i can really relate to that also of sure like you're just i don't know like we're doing like i'm not no i'm not being friendly right now right Has anyone ever gotten on you about yelling?

Yes. Yeah, like, why are you yelling? You're like, I'm not yelling. I'm not yelling, yeah. Yeah, I'm just expressing my, whatever. I'm not, I'm putting no sugar in it. Yes, yes. So what I'm curious about your emotional arc with your wife in terms of like, what did she think when you met her? And what does she think of you now this is a tough question because i don't i don't want to speak for her you know i

don't know but but i think i was a very different person when i did when i met her in in university i think i was when i first went to australia i was very grateful to go to australia i was very grateful to be in university i was grateful to have gotten into a law school because I barely got into the law school that I wanted to. So I was very grateful to be there. I was kind of like excited to make new friends. And so I was super friendly to all the

Australian people. It kind of took me a while to realize that not everyone is worth being super friendly to. So when she met me I was probably a very friendly like, oh, hey, you know, like maybe a little bit of a pushover maybe. With her as well?

I don't know. That's a question for her. But we never like, I don't think we had a contentious relationship at all. We obviously got married. Right, right. Like you actually, I believe you actually love her. Oh yeah, I love her a lot. Like We obviously got married. I believe you actually

love your wife. Oh yeah, I love her a lot. You really are into her. Yeah, I love her a lot, of course. We know a lot of people who are not that into their wives. I mean, and vice versa. I know a lot of girls who are not into their husbands. I'm not making the... Divorce rate is 50%. It is

high, but yeah, you're right. I guess we should assume that people love their wives. In my case, I do love my wife. They say they do, but I would argue you actually do. Right, I'm in the minority here that I love my wife. Again. And yeah, so she would say, I don't know if I'm pushing over with her,

but we always had a great partnership, so I don't ever feel like anyone was pushing over anybody but i think she saw me in university kind of even before obviously before i even started show business or started any kind of performing started stand-up comedy so she saw that shift right and she and she supported you like was encouraging and yeah yeah i am because that's the thing is you are deferential I'm deferential people I respect no no no

but you're deferential you don't like talking about yourself but clearly you you believe in your ability I think I got something to offer I think I've been

doing something right I think the free market has given me evidence that I'm doing okay that I got some talent I've had enough people I respect tell me that what I'm doing is good so that that helps a some talent uh i've had enough people i respect tell me that what i'm

doing is good so that that helps a lot you know i think comics we just want pure respect and a ton of money and some people laugh i also love that you you were like the first the first person i remember in culture just saying asian people love money it's such a funny thing because it's like jewish stereotype uh seinfeld said it to uh hassan and when he did comedians and cars he was like your people my people we we both uh good with the buck and i've never heard an agent and it was such a fucking good bit because it was like a great op it's an observation i wasn't even aware i was aware of thank you yeah yeah yeah thank you yeah and i'm sure it's got to be one of your top five popular.

Again, I can't answer that question. You won't. You can though. I mean, it's Chinese New Year today. So that's why we had you. You're welcome. Again, you see me a lot with other comics. And I think, I feel like real comics are very respectful to other comics because they both get it.

And so how you see me act with you is that's how I act with peers, especially peers I respect, colleagues, or even seniors I respect or whatever. So that, you know. What are you like the rest of the time? I might not be this differential the rest of the time. People who, yeah. You know, because I come from the, I come from the corporate world. Crisp collars. Huge crisp collars.

I come from the corporate world. So I went to law school with a lot of type A personality people and who thought a lot about themselves, thought very highly of themselves. So we haven't worked with them. Maybe I'm not as differential because I'm like.

I don't think maybe. I think you're not. I think based on the way you said maybe. Are you, well, that's the other thing I like about you pretty openly competitive and not competitive with

particular people you have no qualms about making it clear that you want to succeed oh is that it okay no no I don't know but like you you're like I want to do well I want to make a ton of money I want to I want to oh yeah I want to make a ton of money

but not even like the lottery no no but not but you want to do well. I want to make a ton of money. I want to make a ton of money. But not at the expense of anybody. No, no, no. But you like sports. You like the idea of proving yourself. Yeah, I think I like the... I don't know if I want to be successful, but I like the idea of results speak for themselves. So I want to be able to show results. I don't necessarily want to be successful but I like the idea of results speak for themselves. Yeah.

So I want to be able to show results. I don't necessarily want to like I'm not like I want to conquer the world. I need this, this, this. I need this many specials. I need blah, blah, blah.

But I think that like I want to I kind of want to prove myself through results and let the results speak for themselves. So in that sense I guess I am

I'm ambitious as far as I want to get good results so that can do the talking for me. Yes. Yes. Which I respect. Sure.

Block a block. I don't know what number it is, but it's a block. I don't like celebrating holidays or birthdays. That's what you sent me. Yeah. Tell me more i i just feel like i'm very lucky to be in a job that i really love doing stand-up comedy and um acting and i get to do that every day i get to work on it and i just feel like every day is a celebration as corny as that

is so i don't need these special days of peaks. I'm like, I just want every day to be good, you know? And so when people make a big deal about holidays or birthdays, I'm like,

and also, also as comics, I don't know if you feel this way, but it's just like, if you, guess what? If you get really good at comedy, you're going to be missing

a lot of birthdays, weddings, holidays. Fantastic. It's fantastic. it's the best i never anyone's like hey can you come for his wedding i'm like no i can't i can't i got a gig i got where i don't know yet i don't know yet i'm gonna book something and and like so so i'm used

to skipping all this stuff you know and i i yeah i don't know well then i said this recently to to santino which is the idea of birthdays is like at first off we can buy whatever we want i can get access to cake yeah i can get cake and get gifts i can get a pony i can get a pony whatever i want i could i could get a pony right now yes if you wanted to yeah if i wanted to they don't have an app for that right now yeah i, I'm sure. The Pony app. Yeah. The feeling people get when they bring out a birthday cake is our job. Do you know what I mean? Like, however long the song is, 40 seconds. That euphoria. Every night.

Sometimes for an hour and change. Yes. The feeling when you go bowling and get a strike and you turn around yes again that's our job exactly so i'm with you in terms of celebrating there may be a part that uh i don't like pretending i like the gift yes yes that's my least favorite part about gifts yeah the gifts thing for me, one is environmental. It's like, you're going to give me stuff I don't want. What's going to happen to this?

In order to not have it end up in a river choking out a dolphin, I have to go find someone else who can actually use this. And that takes like three hours of my day. You got to pawn it off. Yeah. You're a pawn star all of a sudden.

And it's a problem. So gifts I don't want is a huge headache. And not to mention, like the wrapping that comes with it and then the time you spend dealing with it and like you said

we're adults like we I don't know about you but I actually take pleasure in finding the things that I like getting the best version of it and then using it forever

and not having like five or six shittier versions of that one thing I'm hoping to never buy more clothes ever again. I'm really like, I think I'm close. Yeah.

Really. And that's the other point. In America, especially, the gift-giving culture, which is very generous of Americans. No, no, no. America take nothing away. What a culture. But I think in America, especially,

we get a lot of free t-shirts and we gotta stop with this we gotta stop with the free t-shirts man we gotta stop it's got it's always xxl it never fits they give it out as though we all want to wear this that's why i stopped selling you know when i first started out i had i think i know what you're gonna say go ahead much yeah i thank you yeah i don't i would people go with merch stand i'm like i'm not gonna make more garbage so i can make seven dollars right and have carry boxes of t-shirts everywhere right and albums and then i gotta ha right don't look at this as i don't need the $7. It's more just like, I don't want to create fucking garbage for the earth.

Like here earth, you take it. That's how I feel about all this shit. Like, I'm so grateful to hear somebody else say it. And not just t-shirts, but in America, just by living, you just start accumulating pens and then there's water bottles and people will send you, you know. Headphones. Yeah. A lot of headphones.

A lot of headphones in America. And I'm very blessed to be in a position where people want to send me things. It's very kind. I actually just start replying back like, hi, everybody. Thank you for offering me this. I actually live a minimalist lifestyle. And so I need to decline this thing.

Every time I say that, people always understand. They always say, oh, yeah, we get it. Yeah, they go, yeah, this is stupid anyway. What we're doing is a stupid idea. Right, so it's easier to decline it. And then I'm always, sometimes when they just don't ask me, just send it to my office. And then I'll like, oh man, I can't use any of this. And then I'm like, I literally just ask anyone

on the internet, hey, anybody want this? And people are like, yeah, I want it. And they'll take it. It's the t-shirt thing, the t-shirt gun at the basketball game yeah yeah there's something psychological about it yeah because we're all such scarcity animals right meaning where we have cave brains that believe but even in america we can't i don't know where my next meal is coming from. I don't know. Where my next t-shirt is coming from. But even in America in 2023, people here have grown up their entire lives

with free t-shirts, their entire lives. And they're still thinking like, oh shit, when's my next t-shirt gonna come from? I gotta get this free t-shirt here. We have a t-shirt scarcity issue. Hats, you know, everything. Fucking hats. Hats, keychains. I don't mind pens because I need pens. issue hats you know fucking hats hats

keychains I don't mind pens because I need pens and I lose pens constantly even pens I'm like you're over pens yeah pens

I'm over it like paper at least I can use paper yeah so yeah hate birthdays hate holidays love

love seeing people when I when I go to you know when I go for these things i usually end up having a good time but also very happy to not celebrate yeah i like let's go somewhere yeah we don't need the social connections great yeah great fantastic the presence and the you know making it the big deal i and like you said a lot of it's because i get we get it we get our fix

from yes from from the job like the like we get it. We get our fix from stage. Yes, from the job. Like we get huge amounts of approval. One thing that people probably can maybe get from, dare I say, Chinese people is just give money. Totally agree. Just money is the best gift. You can pay rent. You could pay your phone bill.

You could, you know, it's environmental. It's portable. It's, you know, every time I bring this up, people look at me like i'm crazy but the gift of money the best fantastic then you know it's convenient no one's ever mad about money yes 100 but no one in no but it seems like bad form it's like uh you didn't put any thought into it oh no i thought i put a ton of thought into it yes i saw everything and was like you know what this solves money solves almost every problem so don't you fucking tell me for

a second that i wasn't bought yes i've been around a while this money shit's very useful here's some yeah especially if you're you know, like we are always traveling. It's like you get these gifts. Do you carry cash? I have emergency cash, but I, you know, I,

you're like a, I'm doing a lot of Apple Pay. Yeah. I'm an Apple Pay guy. I'm always, I'm always Apple Paying. But, yeah,

I, but you know, when you're traveling a lot and then people give you, cause what, what kind of professional travelers yeah part of our job is being yes and they'll give you this stuff like t-shirts hoodies and then you're like i pack to a t i can't yeah i don't take a hoodie yeah i reject the hoodie all the

time and this is a basically a podcast where we it's called the ingrates welcome to ingrates with ronnie chang and neil brandon we don't give us anything we don't want well like mary condo but like pissed about it then another time guy tried to give me a car i said oh no you don't no you don't i got no space in my yeah bro i got one space the fuck are you trying to do? Hey, do you like me? Do you like the podcast? Do you like, did you like blocks on Netflix and three mics on Netflix? Come see me on my new tour. Brand new Neil coming to Madison, Nashville, Salt Lake city, San Diego, Washington, DC, Baltimore, Atlanta, new Orleans.

Thought it was going to be New York. New York's coming Austin, Houston, Dallas, New York told you it was coming. Philly, Boston, Los Angeles figured it would be Angeles, Los Angeles, Denver, Phoenix, San Francisco, Seattle, Portland, Chicago, Minneapolis, Vancouver, Toronto. If you have a good airport, I'm coming to your city. So come fuck with me. It's a good hour. And it's called Brand New Neil.

Go to neilbrennan.com for tickets. Please cure my clinical depression. Actually, it's not bad right now. Thanks to you. Travel better with Air Canada. You can enjoy free beer, wine, and premium snacks in economy class. Now extended to flights within Canada and the U.S. Cheers to taking off this summer.

More details at aircanada.com. So cash, yeah, give cash. Totally agree. This is a good one. A new block. I would rather read Wikipedia summaries of TV shows and movies than watch them. Sometimes. Sometimes. Sorry, I omitted a word. Yeah, there's so much stuff to watch. Too much stuff.

There's a lot of seasons of a lot of stuff and sometimes as part of our job we need to keep up with the game of whatever can't do it and you can't do it and you just gotta read what house of dragons couldn't do game of thrones you haven't started house dragon haven't watched white lotus oh yeah i haven no, I'm not doing the last of us. Yeah. I'm not doing fucking you. I mean, I like, sure. I'm not doing them. There's a lot.

There's a lot. And, uh, Wikipedia is the hack to kind of, for our job purposes, keep up with, uh, pop culture references.

Have you ever referenced anything in your act? Yes. That you didn't. Yes. Have firsthand. Not great. I think I referenced, have you ever referenced anything in your act yes that you didn't yes have firsthand not great i think i referenced um game of thrones yeah i never watched it but i'm i'm not saying game of thrones i'm saying like khaleesi at the red wedding like you know i mean like oh have you done yes i referenced the how dark the game of thr episode was. And I never watched it.

Fantastic. What a reveal. What a reveal. What a fucking scoop and a half. Hope that doesn't go viral. Do you love comedy and specific references? But to be fair, the Game of Thrones thing is also time. And also, I just personally can't watch that much gore.

Like, I'm just not a fan of the torture and gore and the rape stuff. And so I just can't watch it, you know. So I just. I can't get that much gore like i'm just not a fan of the the torture and gore and the rape stuff and so i just can't watch it you know so i just i can't get enough yeah well different yeah i just can't that's my only gripe yeah it's my where's the rape i look for rape i that's my mental incest and rape i i google i go to tv guide is that still a thing i look in tv guy go to the back the index um yeah you find a lot of that on the internet i don't like uh many story show like i sure i just didn't i don't really like sitcoms i don't like i don't i like sketches right six minutes is about my limit right although i loved fleabag season one i haven't watched anymore. Yeah, and a lot of this not watching is totally not disrespect at all. I have tons of...

Exactly. The people that do these shows... I mean, having done two seasons of a show, I can't believe people do this. Yes. I fucking cannot believe. Yes. My buddy Brett Goldstein,

who's on Sudeikis'is show and now he's got a new show coming out ted lasso i called sudeikis show uh he's got a new show coming out and he's not even on it with harrison ford and jason siegel for apple tv he's just writing i'm like you're just writing oh yeah for two different it's insane acting yeah and'm like, you're just writing for two different. It's insane. And acting. Yeah. And, but like, and he's got, could you imagine writing and acting one show and then just writing another show is insane to me.

Yeah. That's. It's, it seems like he's throwing his whole life away. That's kind of what we're doing. Have you given money to Wikipedia? Yes. So have I. Yeah.

Cause sometimes they ask for money and I'm like, yeah, you know what? Yes. You deserve it. I get so much out of your website over the last 20 years of my life. Like, please, just take this money. Take this five bucks, whatever it is. Yeah.

See? Gift of money, guys. We walk the walk. And yeah, just, again, it doesn't come from disrespect of people's shows. As people who make shows, we know how hard it is to do stuff. It just comes from lack of time.

And sometimes, you know, when your job is to stare at a screen all day, sometimes to relax, you just don't want to stare at a screen. You'll go stare at a tree or something in real life. I totally agree. Or basketball. Just something that's not the thing I do. And you are getting ready to maybe ruin basketball for yourself. Because Ronnie has a show.

May I be so bold as to do that? Ronnie's made a pilot for Hulu where he works for the Brooklyn Nets. Are you like the GM, assistant GM? Yeah, GM. GM of the Nets. And sorry to disrespect you with assistant. No, no. I was just trying to give you a fucking character arc.

A lot of the show is based on the energy of this disrespect. And sorry to disrespect you with assistant. No, no. I was just trying to give you a fucking character arc. A lot of the show is based on the energy of this disrespect. I was trying to give you a character arc. You start off as assistant because where are you going to go? What are you going to own the team by the fourth season? How are you going to pull that off? I'm trying to give you a fucking place to go. I've written shows.

All right. Here's a good one. Sometimes I'm nicer to strangers i'm meeting for the first time than the people i love this clearly is a note from a wife um and uh did you call her a wife uh a note from a wife yes a note from a wife in this case a note from my wife to me and um uh she has accused me of this several times and i have to agree with it a little bit because to your point um sometimes when we talk to people we're very familiar with we're more abrupt or we're kind of less inclined to put sugar in it as you said just give it to it straight uh not even to be mean not not with bravado but just just trying to be as simple as possible with the honesty. And turns out people who love you don't appreciate that as much.

And it's important to put sugar in what you say sometimes. And I find that exactly what we're talking about at the start of the episode. You meet strangers and you don't want them to, if they know, for example, because you have a little bit of profile, in my head, I'm always like, I don't want them to walk away having a bad interaction with someone who they might like being me. So, you know, you kind of dress it up a bit. You kind of put a little bit more effort into it. And then you kind of have to, you know, you can't, I don't know, me personally, I'm not

that happy the whole day so you go back to where you were before and then it turns out that that when you're at that the most is when you're with people you love no i agree and it's also like you don't care if your wife doesn't catch a good interaction with you no i do god she's fucking stockpiled a number going first of all you married her i do care and i should care and uh i uh it's something i'm working on but this is never something i've never even discussed before so no but i don't it's you don't want to be on duty all the time like i was i'm thinking about taking a trip and i was thinking about bringing someone with me and then i was like i don't who could i bring that i don't have to be

on is the wrong word but like yeah just a friend of mine it's a it's a i believe it's a dorothy parker quote but i i credit it to my friend monica martin who's an amazing singer she said i don't always want to be perceived yes i just I just don't want to have the hot gaze of another human being on me. Well, yeah. All the time. Honestly, that's a block you probably have to work on because you… If only there were a podcast. Because that's the thing with having a partner.

Hopefully, you find a partner who you don't mind doing that with and it doesn't feel like it's an imposition. I wish the same for you, motherfucker. Because you brought it up. Yeah, I brought this up. And so, no, I'm saying this is something I'm working on. It's something that brought my attention. And also some of this, you know, people you love come with a lot of baggage that you know.

Because you've been with them your whole life. You know the shit that they've done to you or shit which they're about to do to you or shit that they're going to do to themselves. And so it's like you know you hold it against them yeah you hold it against them and then you meet strangers and you don't know what they are

a blank slate and you're like oh you know this wonderful this cherub that I just met yeah and you give them give strangers the benefit

of the doubt and you're like oh this person I'm gonna be positive and say maybe this person is not that bad of a human being I don't have to

be nice to you for 10 seconds. I can do that. And then you go back to these people you love. You know, to put it in basketball, the only language you understand. Shooters, you know, shooters shoot. Like the guys, they have a short-term memory. They just have no short-term memory.

If a guy's 0 for 8, he'll keep shooting. Sure. We need to be that with people. People. Irrational. Yeah, yeah. A rational belief that, 0 for 8, he'll keep shooting. We need to be that with people. Irrational self. Irrational belief. And not remember what all the horrible things these people have done. Which, by the way, is

from what every inspirational Instagram quote says, is that's what you're supposed to do. Right. Forgive people, basically. Should I picture a mountain behind it right yes and and music and and like a sun the sun rising yeah fantastic yeah

okay great i don't i i'm with you and i don't know how to solve either one of the we have the same problem i have a tone problem i mean that's what i loved about your tone problem your tone joke was like you're talking to the king of tone yes king of bad tone yeah um people who don't know me think you're pissed or arrogant pissed or arrogant i mean i was gonna go with joyful and generous oh sorry yeah uh no exactly so i am fucking with you yeah based on what just happened between us no you used to have a bit no i used to have a bit about people think i'm superior and uh cold yeah you said like all the hip-hop guys love you because you're like oh no don't you give a fuck yeah you're like this is yeah because i'm sad i'm no longer sad right right there are people on in the comments you'll see

them people that people like i didn't want to like me. Why didn't you want to like? Think about all of the funny things I've done in the world, and you still didn't want to like me? And it's my tone. I know why they didn't want to like me. Oh, the tone. And my face bones aren't helping.

This AIDS thing is a real... It's a real sticky point for me. It keeps coming back, right? But you've got beautiful... Especially because I'm HIV positive. I'm kidding. But you've got... You have the ideal...

That's what I thought. Okay. That's what I thought. People just need to find something. When you have a flawless face, they just need to find something. Fucking... Jealous much?

Hater. Bunch of haters. Speaking of haters, here's a block that I don't know if anybody else is going to share. I hate umbrellas. I hate umbrellas. I hate umbrellas. It's so freaking,

you got to bring them. You're going to forget it. You know what's funny? No one has ever remembered the umbrella. Take your hat off again. It looks like you've been, you just got pummeled with rain. And you just said, I hate umbrellas. I'd rather be pummeled with rain than remembered the umbrella. Take your hat off again. It looks like you've been, you just got pummeled with rain. And you just said,

I hate umbrellas. I'd rather be pummeled with rain than have an umbrella. Why? Because you gotta take it. It's heavy. It's big. If you want it to be useful,

it's gonna be big. The small ones don't do anything anyway. So for it to have any actual function, it needs to be large. It needs to be heavy. You gotta carry it in your hand because you can't put it in your bag because it's a big umbrella.

And then you're gonna leave it behind. You're gonna forget about it. I always to be heavy. You got to carry it in your hand because you can't put it in your bag because it's a big umbrella. And then you're going to leave it behind. You're going to forget about it. I always forget the umbrella. And then if you have one of those small little ones that my wife has, the fancy whatever, you're going to break it because the closing mechanism

isn't just the open and close. It's got buttons and stuff. One time I straight up just opened her umbrella incorrectly in Japan and broke it immediately. And from that moment on, I was like, I don't even want to,

I don't even want to, don't even let me touch your umbrella. You know, can you hold it? Especially in Japan. Yeah. I just don't want to touch your umbrella. And I didn't raincoat.

You know how hard it is for me to not say something racist right now? What? You're in Japan, umbrella. I don't know. It just feels like I'm, it's like,

it's like Caesar. It's like the dog whisper where I'm trying not to be racist. Dude, Japanese people have great umbrellas. They've got the plastic clear ones that you can actually see. It's like Caesar. It's like the dog whisperer where I'm trying not to be racist. Dude, Japanese people have great umbrellas. They've got the plastic clear ones that you can actually see. I agree. Those are great designs.

And at first, I thought they were too feminine, but like, fuck it. It's so practical. And it flexed the whole time. Right. And you take the umbrella and then the wind blows it.

Raincoats. It hyper extends the umbrella. Yeah. Where the wind blows and then it's blows it. Raincoats. It hyperextends the umbrella. Yeah. Where the wind blows and then it's like a horrible football injury where the guy's leg is going the wrong way. Yeah, and it never recovers. And it never...

You can fix it. Right. It's not the same. The one thing can pop out of the fabric hole. Yeah. The shaft just comes off the... Yep. There's the hyperextension. And then there's the leave hole. Yeah. The shaft just comes off the, you know. Yep. There's the hyper extension.

There's, and then there's the leave behind. Yes. Which is the amount of sunglasses and umbrellas I've left behind

is staggering. Right. The button works could fill a giant stadium. 70% of the time the button works? Button is tough. Button is tough. Not to mention,

let's say you were using it in the rain. Guess what? Now it's wet. So you carry it with you. If it's a small one, you carry it with you all the time. And then now the wet is on you anyway. So raincoats is way more effective.

Just wear a raincoat and not the stupid plastic one that ends up in the river. Raincoat, way more effective. Just wear a raincoat and not the stupid plastic one that ends up in the river. Raincoat, way more effective umbrella. I'll take raincoat over umbrella. How far down does the raincoat go?

Oh, it's, you know, below the knees. Okay. And also it's rain. I come from the tropics. I'm not scared of rain. Rain, do it.

I've been staying in West Hollywood the last two weeks. This fucking guy is suicidal. It's been raining. This guy's got fucking... It's been raining in West Hollywood. If it rains've been staying in West Hollywood the last two weeks. This fucking guy is suicidal. It's been raining. It's been raining in West Hollywood. If it rains for five minutes in West Hollywood, everyone loses their mind.

It's a tragedy. People run around in shorts in West Hollywood. I'm leaving town because I can't take it. Yeah. It's just rain, guys. The tropics,

rains all the time. It's fine. It's great. Fucking guy's fearless. You're the bravest's fine it's great fucking guy's fearless you're the bravest man I've ever met it's ridiculous umbrellas

give me a break and to say nothing of what they do to hallways when you leave them out there and there's a bunch of puddle

you ever go to an apartment party in New York yeah when it's raining and the whole you flood your building the whole

but the whole hallway is just a bunch of... Which causes more than mildew. Expand the wood floors. God forbid you have wood floors. The whole thing. And if the umbrella, if it's raining heavy enough

that you need an umbrella, guess what? The umbrella's not even going to stop it anyway because it's raining so heavy anyway. You're just carrying this thing around. And we're not even talking about when you poke people with it, unintentionally.

You're walking in... Sharing an umbrella is a fucking nightmare unless it's a giant golf umbrella which who and then it's it's four and a half feet you're walking around like mr peanut five kilos you're carrying around a golf umbrella yeah which is five kilos is what 10 pound whatever it is and then you're walking in a crowd with other people with umbrellas and then you got hot you gotta do the high low high low thing everyone's like knocking your podcast is brought to you by totes umbrellas totes go to totes.com hit umbrellas uh i'm with you and i rather get wet rather get wet and dry myself off I get so bummed out

by being wet like a wet coat oh that's worse than any of the umbrella scenarios it doesn't help anyway it's my point

you're gonna get wet anyway it's not like the umbrella has you know saved the day okay it probably has saved a few days but

I mean it's one of humanity's best inventions fuck it fuck it you're right you're right okay you hate small talking this is a lot of people though yeah there's this thing in asia at least with chinese people in singapore and malaysia where we don't really small talk we go high and then we don't need to then you talk about money i would talk about money talk about but i mean again this is whatever this is a you know this is gonna sound like a hacky bit but man white people love the small talk they got to do it and it's not it's it's just i get it it's the cultural thing i ask this in yes with all earnestness what do you think the difference is

between white culture and Asian culture when it comes to small talk? I think... And feel free to go far back as far as you want. Well, the reasons for it, interesting. Let's see if I can

get the confusionism of mind your business. But maybe we don't small talk, especially in modern... First of all, when it's Asian people and white people, usually there's a language barrier. You know, Asian people from Asia

and white people, or even just people from the West, wherever they're from. But I'm talking about like in Singapore, in Malaysia, in like there, I'm assuming there's less small talk there. Yeah, because one,

it's like it's considered kind of impolite to pry. It's almost like, what did you do yesterday? It's like, that considered kind of impolite to pry it's almost like what did you do yesterday that's not my business why am I asking you what you did yesterday it's an imposition on you

you have to recap what happened and then also it's like it's an invasion of privacy maybe the most you would ask is like you know

the older people will ask the younger people have they eaten have you eaten when's the last time you ate that's like a small talk version. Like no one really cares, but you just say that anyway, just because that's like a nice thing to say.

And it's a thing you can fix. Right. I ate this, I ate that. If somebody email, whatever, says that they want to pick your brain, what's your first thought? First of all, this is a separate topic, but I hate the pick your brains. Pick your brains is the worst. Thank you for pluralizing it because it gets it to the gore of it

yes don't picking the brains is the worst because to me when someone says pick your brains to me that indicates

you haven't done any work you haven't done any research you just want me to fix your goddamn problem in the shortest way possible but if you come to me for a specific question that's awesome

I love love to help with that love to give advice but if you're like hey can I specific question that's awesome i i love love to help with that love to give advice on split but if you're like hey can i just pick your brain i'm like no i don't want to pick my brains i'm curious as to why asian people i guess it's the humility right that with the the no spot they don't want to pry they don't want to pry and there's a there's a level of I guess I don't know you know I think

the obvious thing is there's a level of inauthenticity when I'm asking you about something I don't really care about the answer

so there's that what's funny about you is that reads right meaning like I know like you and Roy would share an office

at the LH yes I love Roy the best and speaks very highly of you yes great guy when I would go I know like you and Roy would share an office. Yes. I love Roy. The best. And, um, and, uh, highly of you. Great guy.

When I would go into you and Roy's office, I know you like me. Oh yeah. And we're friends, but it was just kind of like, what? That was the energy you always gave me, which I thought was fucking hilarious.

Oh, like it never bothered me because I'm like yeah it's just Ronnie oh thanks it feels kind of like mask like guys

sure guys hanging out maybe I didn't know you that well either at that time so a little bit of it's like oh I don't know you

right right right I don't know you well enough to even small talk or even like joke around with you because I don't know maybe you know

maybe you're in your zone so mad I don't like joking around yeah no. Cause I don't know, maybe, you know, maybe you're in your zone. So mad. I don't like joking around. Yeah, no, I treat the, you know, maybe you're, it's almost like a green room, right? Like, you know, in green rooms you go and you're like, you know, comics in green rooms, the guy who's- Could go either way, yeah.

The guy who's joking too much in a green room, you're like, oh, this guy's gonna bomb. That's funny. You know, when in the green room, you can tell who's gonna bomb sometimes. Like, oh, this dude is, you know, because most people, they just kind of like speak on stage

or they're pros. So there's a bit of that too, right? Of like, but yeah, back to the small talk thing. I, you know, I'm sure Asians in the comments will be angry at me

trying to speak for Asians, but I think it's fair to say that, yeah, Singaporeans and Malaysians don't raise small talk. And so this idea of coming down and it's, whenever I see Singaporeans and Malaysians don't raise small talk and so this idea of coming down and it's whenever I see

Singaporeans and Malaysians who have learnt enough about western culture either because they've been educated overseas or they have worked with

enough westerners in to know culturally so it's like Japanese people will bow culturally white people

need to small talk and so we give it to you. You know? Oh yeah, how was your day? Oh, that's interesting. How was your day? It was okay? What did you do yesterday?

It's like a girlfriend kind of. Yeah, a little bit. Like white people are your girlfriend that needs a certain amount of like... Oh, how are you doing? Oh, good. How are you today? Eye contact, eye contact. Yes, yeah.

And you can see them. It's like a studied behavior. And not even a bad way. I just mean like it's so funny to say it. Because I know when I talk to the Singaporeans, they're like, eh, eh. And that's it, you know?

That's all. Maybe not high. And they like you. And they just go, eh. Eh, yeah. Because like what? What are we going to, you know? How are you?

Was your dad around? How are you doing? We don't say how are you doing. Can I pry? Can I white pry real quick? Please. Do some white prying. White prying. Do you you where's your dad oh he passed away a few years ago oh glad i asked yeah um

were the parents still married i'll be a really quick block were they married yeah and what kind of person was he he had a temper but he was a very um, very gregacious guy amongst family and friends. So he would come in the room and everyone would be like, he would be the center of attention in the room. He could always hold a room, always had jokes. And he very focused guy on education. So he would help his entire family in Malaysia. He would be the guy who'd be like,

you got to go here and study. You have to go to KL. To the point where he would help his entire family in Malaysia. He would be the guy who'd be like, you got to go here and study. You have to go to KL. To the point where he would force some of my cousins, like his nieces and nephews, he would force them into the car to go to the city to study. Because he'd be like,

you need to learn accounting so that you'll have a future. He was the guy who is like the, and he wasn't even the oldest in the family, you know. He was considered the younger brother. And he was well educated? He got his master's, but he got it late in life which is why i had i i came to america because he

um had two kids his business failed and then he he decided to go to college with two kids to kind of retrain himself and he became an executive when he went back to singapore he became like a it because in the in the early 90s that was the last time when an overseas education was was quite impressive and then it just it everyone started doing it yeah everyone kind of has it's still you know kind of impressive but now everyone has it you know so it's a bit less like of a wild thing but i think he caught that tail end of the oh you study overseas oh wow? Oh, wow, that kind of thing. And he was also a smart guy, so he, you know.

And were you cool, tight with him? How would you say that? Yeah, we were cool. I don't think we were best friends, but I think we were cool, especially towards the end. You know, I think he passed away very suddenly, so we never got to say goodbye or anything. How did he, what happened?

He was working on his farm and he, there was a, yeah, he, he passed away on the farm. Yeah. What kind of farm was it?

It's not like the old McDonald's farm. It's like a Malaysian Johor Bahru farm. So it's not like, it's not barns and horses. It's like

the tropics, there's oil palms, there's bananas, there's rubber tap. So it's like the tropics, there's oil palms, there's bananas, there's rubber tapping. So it's like a... So it's like brutal.

Yeah, it's pretty brutal. Yeah. But he loved it. He loved it. Was he always doing that? He grew up doing that. He grew up being a... His family was rubber tappers

in Malaysia, which rubber in Malaysia was like white gold back in the day. It's like that was... If you could tap rubber, it was like white gold back in the day it's like that was if you could tap rubber it was unbelievable especially if you own

the your own rubber trees and so he grew up doing that but he was like the guy in the family who went to school

he's probably the best educator in his family maybe maybe two other aunties but he was kind of like the the academic one and so he

left that to go to the executive life and business and executive he kind of like the academic one and so he left that to go to the executive life and business and executive he kind of left farming and then when he got older he got retrenched and he just decided to go back to farming

like something in him was like I need to go back to farming so he did it very happily and I gotta say the farming helped him mentally and physically so much even though it was like

a brutal farm he just loved it you know he just loved it his farm was like a brutal farm he just loved it you know he just loved it and did you his farm was like our stage time it was like

yeah he just felt alive in that farm what ways are you similar to him what ways are you different I think

apparently we we talk the same and we're very straight shooters and we're both we can both be

the life of the party and also the grumpiest at the party which was that was probably him and um uh and he would always have the he would always tell people how they should be better in their lives like you should go and do this and that's a dumb idea and that you know and i think i i got a lot of that from him just being i think i got a lot of that from him as well he would come in and be like you should be studying accounting it's like that's a dumb business idea you should he was like the ultimate management consultant he was coming to be honest he sounds white sounds like a white guy hey man to white people don't know this in asia there's people who are like that in asia who are white

they're white asian white-hearted asian um i'm sorry he died and how are you aware of how that There are white, there are white Asians. White hearted Asians. I'm sorry he died. And how did, are you aware of how that affected you? Do you think about it? I think I'm still dealing with it. Yeah. He passed away very suddenly, very unexpectedly as well on Christmas day,

which probably is also why I don't like celebrating Christmas anymore. I don't, I don't know. I don't know if I see any correlation there. And, yeah, you know, I never got to say bye to him. And it was, he visited me in New York

just before he passed away for the only time. What year? This was like 2017, maybe. So you're on The Daily Show. I'm on The Daily Show. He came. Yeah, he saw it. He was pretty psyched to be back in America

because he went to college in America, but he hadn't been back since so his thing was I just want to go have a Dunkin Donuts he was like craving Dunkin Donuts so we just brought him

to Dunkin Donuts in New York and I think he had a good time in New York City he's white yeah man and the last time I saw him was

at Terminal 8 at JFK that was when he was waving bye to go back to Singapore so every time I fly out there it's fucking brutal I bet

yeah it's like damn that's awesome time I fly out there is fucking brutal. I bet yeah It's like damn. That's lesson literally that TSA line is the last time I saw him. That's the American terminal Yeah, okay, American Airlines. I know that's a well. Yeah Yeah, yeah bro stuff when he passed away We have to go in figure out his affairs. Yeah, like you and your mom his legal matters because he left so suddenly It's very it's very weird. He was so old-school. He left all his like his legal matters because he left so suddenly. It's very weird. He was so old school.

He left all his documents on his kitchen table. So we were able to go through a paper, print it out. So he left it there like four steps. How often would he do it? I think that's just how he did business. I think that's just how he did it because he was old school in that way. So he do it? I think that's just how he did business. I think that's just how he did it because he was old school in that way. So he printed it out.

But yeah, when we come in, he had four stacks of folders and we had to go through each stack to figure out what he was doing. It wasn't anything shady. It was just like we had no idea what his farming was like. And my brother-in-law is a forensic accountant.

So that helped. And my wife is a lawyer. And so it was like and my my brother-in-law is a forensic accountant so that helped that's and my wife is a lawyer and so it was like it was like if there was any team that was able to crack this this case it was us and so we just went through it for like a week and man it was brutal it was brutal looking through all his stuff his own handwritten notes you know yeah it must have been heartbreaking yeah yeah and it must also be if you don't mind me saying, like kind of surreal. Yeah. Where you're like, did that happen? Yeah, yeah. It's surreal, it is surreal, yeah.

I mean, your father passed away in a hospital and you said goodbye to him. You were there, you know. Yeah, I know. Or at least you tried to say goodbye to him. Yeah. Yeah, and so people leave suddenly like that and then you're like, oh, what? And then you see to say goodbye to him. Yeah. Yeah. And so, you know, people leave suddenly like that and then you're like,

oh, you know, and then you see ghosts of their life everywhere. You know, even just last Christmas, just a month ago, I had to go back to Malaysia to finally settle

some of his estate matters because of the pandemic. I haven't been able to go back to Malaysia. So we were back in his hometown. I had to go to his hometown which he brought us to as a kid. It it's just i'm in malaysia yeah yeah and then it's like oh no no i'm i'm like i'm going through a movie right now yeah this is an indie road trip movie me my mom my sister and we had to go back to his hometown and you know meet with a

lawyer to sign stuff and and and figure out his rubber farm. Yeah. Sounds like a 4,000 year old job. Right. And then go and see all the family stuff, you know, where he grew up. Cause he had a big family. So all his family is very welcoming.

You know, my dad's side, always very cool, cool to us, like love them a lot. So we have to meet up with all of them and yeah. But yeah, I'm sorry that I'm sorry that it,

it, I'm sorry that that's,'s i mean we all have to deal with it but that's seems like zero prep yeah and zero and we want so much is it hard to know what lesson to draw from it like what am i supposed to think like you know maybe not everything is a lesson i guess but uh i think uh yeah the obvious stuff right make peace with people when you can make sure your i would say make make your parents uh have a practical document of where they keep everything in case anything happens you don't have to be trying to go through it like a forensic accountant, trying to figure out what's going on.

So at least they have that. They don't even need to show you. Just have a practical document in addition to your wills, legal will. You have a practical document of like, I have cash under my pillow here. And leave it on the kitchen table. Leave it somewhere.

Leave it somewhere people can find it. Your passwords, you know, or delete, destroy my laptop, whatever your, you know. Whatever your masturbation yeah whatever the thing is yeah and like what's the lesson

from that I don't know I think that you know me and my dad went through our rough patches I think

and we weren't like best friends but we weren't enemies you know right I think we definitely loved each other yeah that's the other hard thing is like

he dies suddenly and you go man I wish I'd been closer with him but not cause he died suddenly because who wouldn't want to be closer

with their dad yeah and also you go like man could I have been closer with him you know things played out the way they played out right

like how could I like what else could I have done? You know, in some ways were different. Maybe we're two similar personalities that we couldn't be friends or whatever it was. But like, you still love each other a lot. Right.

You don't have to be... In fact, the idea of being friends with your parents is not even an Asian thing to be a friend. I'm with you 100%. My parents... My dad's dead. He's pretty old. Very old.

About as old as you can get when he's dead. And my mom's dead. He's pretty old. Very old. About as old as you can get. He's dead. My mom's 88. My mom's still an authority figure to me. I don't chill around authority figures. You're very anti-authority. Hello?

That's with your dad where it's some people there's almost structural tension. He's your dad. He's it's some people there's almost like structural tension yeah like he's your dad he's an authority yeah so how cool could it have been and how cool it could have been exactly but i hope i mean i it sounds like you may have like not beat yourself up about it but sort of question your own behavior within it and i don't know. Some of it's just personality-based. Yeah. I think I'm lucky in a sense that I don't think I...

Obviously, looking back at your last WhatsApp chats with your dad, you go like, oh man, I wish I said something more than I don't know where to buy this drone. That's what he asked us.

He was like, hey, should I buy a drone for the farm? I'm like, I don't think you should buy a drone. That's the worst last conversation you can have with someone i bet it meant a lot but uh so you you kind of like wish you could say stuff you know but but but you don't know well i mean we're all just surviving yeah we're all just like i gotta go i mean it's a good case it's a good case for putting sugar in everything yes it's a good

yes it's a good tone thing to fix that block but it's very a lot uh you know life is uh busy and messy and a lot of just like tedious and we're not always right you know like at least you had a relationship with him and you told him yeah that getting a drone for a farm is not a good idea and you know not for nothing but he he got to see me go on go go on the daily show he got to see that i wasn't you know like struggling in america you know did you do a chat when he was there a chat is the thing when you sit at the table i think so but but the the thing at the i always love love franco for this because franco at the Daily Show, the sexy saxophone camera guy, he had the conversation with my dad in the hallway.

And Franco was so nice to him. He was like, your son is great. He's one of the great things. And so I guess all parents, but especially Chinese parents, you're not good until some third party says, oh, this guy is good. And then they're like, oh, man, my son is good. That's funny. So he kind of walked away from that being like, oh man, they really like you on the show, man.

I'm like, oh yeah, yeah. I hope so. Yeah, it's funny. And Franco could have just been bullshit. It's a funny, like there should be a service where you can talk to Asian parents. Where you can hire an anonymous person. Hire someone to tell them that you're good.

It'll be our romantic comedy that we're never gonna write. Let's go from uh the the the psychologically fraught tension of your father dying to the block of i have to shower after taking a dump yeah so uh when feces passes through my anus uh I have to... You talk like I've never taken a shit. When I push the feces from my colon out of my anus, after I wipe with paper, I go and shower. So what about a bidet?

A total toilet. Bidet could work, but shower. Okay. What about one of those spray? Spray is how we do it in Southeast Asia, but also shower. Because for me, the spray is like, okay, now I don't know where it's going. That spray is so high powered. How about a spray with a cone?

You know what I mean? Right. You stick a cone around your anus hole. Anus. I guess it's anus. And then you spray. You isolate the anus. And you spray.

H2O. H2O. But English is his first language, everybody. And I went wide because I wanted it this is more personal this is more like this fucking guy and then you cone high pressure hose not that high pressure like let's not

hurt ourselves and then it goes out so you know where it goes shower because what's the difference what happens in the shower you know where it goes? Shower. Because what's the difference? What happens in the shower? Shower, you know you get it. Shower, you know you got everything.

Because of gravity and soap. Gravity and soap. And even if it gets somewhere else, you'll wash it off. Presumably, you shower in a clean... People have been mad at me about this for years. Do you wash your legs in the shower? Yeah. No, no, no. Soap on your ankles and calves i do it i do it because if i don't emphasize it it doesn't get done so i'm

with you on your macro point but i do it because i to compensate for exactly what you're describing which is that people don't soap shower they wash wash their legs. Right. We all, yes. If you don't, no one's going to wash us. For me, that's like watching your posture, right? Okay, remember you wash your legs. But do you think it's necessary and helpful? Is this connected to the anus and the feces? I mean, this feces thing is just that I don't know about your culture,

but I consider feces to be dirty and smelly. And so when, for me, in our culture, you try to wash things which are dirty and smelly, especially if it's feces. So I don't know what y'all are doing out there on the internet, but over here, we like to keep things clean all over the information you brought today about feces being dirty and smelling yeah has been a bounty yes revolutionary

thinking that hey uh it's asian it's the far east this is the what's great about bringing the Orient. There's no other word for it. Their technology when it comes to feces, stinking and being dirty is transcendent. It's a revolutionary concept. Here's a question that I've never asked a man. When you're

soaping your asshole, do you ever give yourself not in any way titillating nope okay just map then absolutely mean either yeah oh my god if we're talking about soaping it i'm talking about soaping it okay so you you gotta touch it to soap it you gotta touch it to soap it yes fair yeah do you ever feel like well no just me though that's just me no i'm absolutely with you it's not just it's just us just us um i genuinely don't i'm just i i'm there to get clean i'm not right but i'm not here to have fun if you if this this feces yeah it's a menace right we'll call feces a menace for me for fair to say yes

so where is that but it's fine if it's in your body is it what's the what's the tube the colon you know you're a proctologist so do you ever get like colon issues or that you need to worry about itch disturbance people don't look at me like people's assholes don't itch are you describing that I should

to be not a hypocrite with my behavior I need to put my hand into my colon and pull feces out I have to clean the inside of my fucking large intestine for me to not be a hypocrite with my behavior. I need to put my hand into my colon and pull feces up. I have to clean the inside of my fucking large intestine for me to not be a hypocrite.

The lower. No, I just shower afterwards. I think it's easier. By the way, in the tropics where I'm from, it's normal to shower

at least twice a day, if not more, if you can get home because it's hot and it's humid and it's sweaty. So it just becomes- do you mind hot weather I like hot weather

I like hot weather but you get sweaty in Singapore you know you've been there like so because of that showering culture it's just like

oh I'm gonna shower twice I might as well take a dump and then shower and then you know what I mean it just becomes an efficiency thing

and then it becomes a habit of like every time I take a dump I'd rather go take a shower. That's all it is. It's all very logical. Look,

it's all totally justified. It's a shame that I'm going to die and this is going to be our last conversation. But that's how life is. That's how life is sometimes. You see, this is one of those things,

this is one of those blocks where it sounds weird. It doesn't sound weird at all. Okay, great. I was the sucker of that segment for even broaching the finger and i'm not gonna cut it out because it would be a coward's edit that is a coward's edit to cut that i'm gonna take whatever that'll be the new thing because people were mad at me for not washing my legs for because i I mentioned on a podcast four years ago, people will still at me. I believe that you wash your chest

and your pubes and dick. Oh, because the soap will wash. Gravity. Gravity will handle legs. There's nothing that's sticking to me that I need to scrub off my legs. In between the toes though, that's not, you know,

gravity is not going to get that. Are you washing in between your toes? Yeah, you got to. At least a once off, right? Once a week or once every shower you do a yeah you know you go here multiple times in the shower right multiple yeah strokes here are you do you have a rail or something that you can hold on oh that's a great question thanks so much i have my own podcast i i don't have a rail you just got a yoga balance and then do that and

sometimes you lean on the wall but But hey, you practice your core. But you got to wash in between the toes. Come on. That's like a hotbed. I think that's a bridge too far for me. Okay. I mean, I don't wash my legs. Get to the toes and then we'll walk your way to the anus.

Let's play that one. That's my anus. Your toes are my anus. I think that that's insane. And the fact that you've… Right. I can't believe you do that. What? The toes or the anus? think that that's insane and the fact that you've right i can't believe you do that what the toes or the anus the toes oh the anus okay i may have done the anus

at a point not again if i were to have done it yes and i'm not cutting out it's cowards at it um it would have been during an itchy period. Okay. Just getting to the root of the problem. Like, let's fucking, let's go. Let's just take, let's nip this in the bud. Yeah, we're talking about two different things. Yeah.

Talking about clean hygiene. You're talking about something else. The toes thing. Come on. Okay, you just take your hand and then you just put in between your you know you do that but this is your foot right do it once and then you were great this you're great as a person you're a great comedian you're a great tv personality i haven't seen any of the movies you've been in i'm happy you're in megan i just because i haven't seen it that you haven't

we don't know wikipedia I didn't see I know I crazy rich Asians is about crazy rich Asians that's what I picked up on Wikipedia Ronnie Chang look for him on Netflix look for him in Megan look for him crazy rich Asians look for him in Shang-Chi look for him fuck with him if you see him on the street make sure he's nicer to his wife than he is to you god God bless. Thanks for having me on. Love you, too. Love you, too. You have the news open, open up your head. My man.