Blocks w/ Neal Brennan - Rory Scovel

Episode Date: July 23, 2026

Rory Scovel joins Neal Brennan to talk about being born into grief—his mother died on his first birthday—and how losing his dad in 2020 reshaped his standup, his parenting, and the way he thinks about aging and death. Plus: learning to read at 44, improvising his entire show every night, asking AI about death, Leonardo DiCaprio playing a father, ADHD, marriage, and more. 👍 Like, Comment & Subscribe for the Algo 👍 00:00 Bombing without a fight 06:43 ADHD 22:36 Overthinking Depression & Catholic Guilt 27:16 Sponsor: Tushy 29:45 Sponsor: Quince 31:32 Grief 51:26 Death 58:26 Sponsor: ZocDoc 1:01:41 Sponsor: HexClad 1:03:30 Parenting & Breaking the Cycle 1:14:15 Aging 1:21:33 Being an available husband Thanks to our sponsors! 3 Million Butts Love TUSHY. Get 10% off TUSHY with the code NEAL at https://www.hellotushy.com/NEAL Visit https://www.Quince.com/NEAL for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.Taking care of your health just got easier - start here with Zocdoc: https://www.zocdoc.com/NEAL #sponsored Find your forever cookware  ⁨@HexClad⁩  and get 10% off at https://www.hexclad.com/NEAL #hexcladpartner ---------------------------------------------------------- Follow Neal Brennan: https://www.instagram.com/nealbrennan https://twitter.com/nealbrennan https://www.tiktok.com/@mrnealbrennan Watch Neal Brennan: Crazy Good on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/81728557 Watch Neal Brennan: Blocks on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/81036234 Theme music by Electric Guest (unreleased). Edited by Will Hagle ([e-mail]) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

My guest today is, he's very funny. You know what I was thinking about you? What? I don't think I've ever seen you bomb. Now, I haven't seen that many of your sets, but I can't, and I'm, I'm sure you bomb plenty. I do. But you don't bomb without a fight, meaning you're not, you don't, you don't get smaller. Yeah.

You don't, you don't feel defeated. You just, I'm doing this. Well, to me, that just means that's the show. Bombing. It's like that you're bombing. Yes. It's just hard sometimes. But I think it gets turned into or perceived as, oh, the show, oh, he's not doing well.

And so he's bombing. But the reality is it's, yeah, the show isn't going the way everyone wanted, but it still is the show. And so you can make the bombing the show. It's a whole different premise. And I gotta say, when you're bombing and there's comics in the back and you play for them, there's nothing better. You sometimes leave going, I thought of two new jokes.

I got more out of it than if I crushed. 100% do. Right. Um, his name's Roy Scoville, but that's, you knew that. You clicked on it. Idiot. But he, what he does is he'll quit comedy. He'll, he'll, he'll, he'll focus on his acting.

He likes acting. Are you still talking to me? He's great at it, but, you know, dogs can do it. And, uh, dogs and children can do it. So why are we giving awards? But dogs don't know they're doing it. So what? That's, if you're good at acting.

you shouldn't. You shouldn't know you're doing it. That's the most zen. Yes. Daniel Day Lewis doesn't know. He thinks he's in a movie right now. He's lived those lives. I've abandoned my child. And he's, but then he tore.

And then he'll say he's quitting. Then next time I see he's on tour and he's talking about how much he loves the audience. Yeah. So I don't know what's going on, but he's, he also has one of my funniest things that I can think of in terms of what you did. one time in Montreal, he started, he was doing fine,

and he started flicking coins at the audience and saying, here, Canadians take some of your stupid fake money, which was so great and hostile. And it speaks to- That could have hurt a lot of people. Into the dark, they can't see it. No, it's not good. You're lucky there wasn't a class action lawsuit.

It's Rory Scoville. You were on, what was the name of the, I was on physical. Can you believe I hold that? I remember that. I'm actually really impressed by that. We're not going to do our part. Apple TV, which is a practice for being on other networks.

No one will see the thing on. If you're on that lasso and shrink, if Brett Goldstein is involved, who's the listener of the pod? Yeah. People are going to see it. Yeah. Or Bill Lawrence. Yeah.

Otherwise. They don't push it. What are they going to do? It's so funny now that Rose was nominated. for an Oscar. That's Rose. I saw these like Rose Byrne. Rose Barre.

They saw these articles coming out of like, Rose was on this show called Physical, you probably missed. The best show you're not watching. This show you probably missed was very nice. Definitely missed was more accurate. But yeah, they don't push it, I guess. But I love that show. They pay it.

They get paid. It's a drill. Yeah. It's a drill for if showbiz actually comes back. For me, it was incredible because I got to work with Roseburn. And so for me, it was like, during COVID, and no job, finally, I landed that, got a job, had money, and got to learn acting,

watching Roseburn do it. And so I was like, oh, man, during COVID, I got to kind of go through this, which was amazing. Made bread and really got into their conspiracies. Really found their groove. A lot of people. Yeah. That was their, that was their flourishing.

Yeah, that's right. there was a coronavirus in their spirit. And it, it was spike protein of paranoia and podcasting. Yeah. I'm actually more impressed you pulled spike protein. I mean, you bring out, oh yeah, spike protein. Remember the level of fucking useless things that we all were like arguing?

All the science we started to really learn. Oh, man. Yeah. Man. Okay, here's what else I know about you. married, I'm not gonna say you married young. Yeah, no, I don't think so. Well, you married L.A. young.

Yeah. Were you from North Carolina? South Carolina. South Carolina. South Carolina, middle age. Yeah. You married. Oh, yeah. By South Carolina standards, because I got married at 35. So by South Carolina standards, it's like, what's going on?

That's second or third. Yeah. He came back from the city. Yeah. All the gay stuff didn't work out. And, uh, and you'll And you have a... How old's your daughter now?

Going on 11. I was going to guess it, but it seemed creepy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I would know. I know. But I just... But it's also always very, like, shocking when you find out someone's kid's age

because you're like, I can't believe that much time has passed. I feel like she was an adult when I met her. I think I met her maybe 10 years ago. My kid is a, I feel like, old soul kind of vibe. Did you do a joke about that? No. Somebody did.

Well, You would have loved it. I'll take it. Okay. And you moved. You also moved out of L.A. Colorado, which I love. Yeah.

Did you, did it feel hostile? You don't have a, your sense of like what you should do is, seems completely liberated across the board. I think my antenna is either working great or not functioning the way it's supposed to. But I do feel that. I want it out. I want it out of L.A. for a while. And then when COVID happened, all the auditions became putting yourself on tape and then going to Zoom and not in person. And so I was like, what am I doing here that I can't do somewhere else for maybe a little cheaper?

And yeah, so we got out and I absolutely love it. I need that. I need to like, I don't like being in this business all the time. Some people really love it. I like not doing it. I like not doing stand up for a while, like not acting for a while. like not acting for a while. I like not thinking about it.

I like getting into other stuff like painting or trying to write or reading more books. Now is kind of new to me, but I don't like... Reading is new? I don't like just going, yeah, it's very... It's actually liking it and doing it. Oh, got it.

It is new. I was so ADHD growing up that when we got assigned reading in school, I was fascinated that people in my class like read the book and finished it. Because I was just like, you don't read one page five times over and over. And then I thought we all were like me. Yeah. And then for other people to be like, well, no, I just read each page one time.

And I'm like, I don't even know how to do that at all. Like I can't focus if you start giving me too many characters too quick. It's not even that I'm fully past this. If I read a script, that's like happening. I'm like, someone's got to just describe to me what this is. You know what you should try? Read a book with Chinese names in it. Why does that work?

No, no, no, no. It doesn't work at all. It's, you just go like, what? You think I'm gonna remember? There's a book called Wild Swans that my lady loves, right? She's right, and she's like, you have to read it, and I read it. I'm like, I can't remember. Who is who?

Any of these Chinese women starting in 1890. Like, what do you? I'm, I can't, I've never seen these names before. Right, yeah, yeah. And I'm really racist. And the racism gets in the way. I mean, some people think it's the biggest problem. Yeah.

I don't. I think it's my. You think it's a strength. I think it's my greatest strength and hope. Yeah, so I was just not really capable of doing it. And I never saw the joy in it because it always was like such a hurdle that I never got into it. And then truly last year, you know, Anthony Jesselnik reads. Zoselnik reads so many books and he does his book club and I always used to watch his end of year top 10 and then I would buy some of those books as gifts for people around like Christmas and act like and I would just be like hey this guy is a comic maybe you watch him know him maybe you love him anyways he reads these books and I think his opinion on him is probably pretty good and so here you guys should read him and his opinion on them is great I decided finally I was like you know what I'm coming to New York

I'm gonna be here for like two weeks. I'm gonna go buy one of these books and just read it. And I did and I fell in love with it and it just jump started the whole thing where I was like, to the next book, to the next book. And I was like, oh my God, whatever it is, maybe age or something in my brain clicked. And I was like, I get it now. So now I love going to bookstores. I'm like lit up by it.

I love getting a new book. I love asking anyone for recommendations of any kind of book. When people are like, what is your favorite kind of book? I'm like, I don't really know. I don't really know. I just keep going book to book of what someone told me they recently read that they loved. And so I just buy that and read that.

And it's been great. I'm obsessed. It's like anything. If you do it, you want to do it more? Yeah. It's like eating sugar. If you eat sugar, you're gonna want it next day. Yeah.

But if you introduce good shit, you'll be like, yeah. And also now all these flights, my tour is coming to an end and I've been on all these flights and just opening a book. I'm like, oh, not only do I want to read the book, but the flight is just so much. faster now. Yeah. Reading the book, you know. You're like, you sound like the first person has ever read a book. I truly feel like that, though. I feel almost ridiculous that I'm 45 and I'm like just

now coming to this place, but my brain would not let me into this place until until now. It's like DMT. They wouldn't. Yeah. It finally gave me a little bit of the juice. Okay. What, okay, the thing that I think about with you is you are incredibly. free. You're free on stage. You, you improvised tours. I'm literally making the whole show up. Answer the question. You do a different hour every night sometimes. Do you go, hey, Murray, there's more secure ways

to have a career. You have to support your family. Yeah, yeah. Do you, do, is that when moving to Denver was about? As you were like, I got it. I need to need less income. But you know what I'm saying? Like, like you, you, it's such a day. You're like fucking, am I gonna make a living next year? I hope.

How? Yeah. I hope I go on stage and I hope I think of something. It's no, you mean just with like sort of the improvise, in terms of creating a product? In terms of creating a product in terms of like, it's like a, it would be like if someone open a small business and they go, what do you sell? And they go, we don't know. We don't know yet.

We don't know yet. come come by yeah well i think that it it to me it it is happening because to me you're five it's worked well i think to i think it's because my outlook is that i am the product and so i want people to just be like oh i just want to see him and i'm like this with and there's people i love where i'm like that where people could go on stage and have i think most i think whether people know or not that's most comedians yeah they don't they just like like like like that i'm like that like, oh, let's hear what Jocelynick or Malaney has to say about whatever. It's, to me, it's, and I like that where we're at in stand-up comedy now, because

stand-up comedy now is bigger now, at least just in the world of, we have friends, multiple friends who are touring arenas, where you go, oh, that's never been ever, any time, ever. With bad shows, some of them. Yes. Yes. But the fact that people are clamoring to stand-up so much that they're willing to pay that, and also go see it in a venue that, and look, this is coming for someone who doesn't play those venues and gladly would for my bank account. But that isn't a great venue necessarily to go see stand-up,

which is more like jazz, which should be in these smaller venues. There's some comedy clubs that are a little too cavernous. I was like, no, we need, we need it. Like, it's supposed to be compact. And I think that we're in such a space now that people, audiences, now know the venues where they can see the type of comedy they want. And they also kind understand, oh, Neil Brennan just put out a special. And so I want to go see him because I'm such a comedy fan. I actually want to see step one of the process. So I'll go to the tiny place where he's just throwing shit

at the wall to see what it is. And so to me, it's like, I like that. So that kind of fan is who I like to play to. Yeah. Fan goes, yeah, jokes are jokes. But I like Neil. So I just want to watch Neil talk, you know? That's clear.

Yeah. Did you ever like go, ah, I don't know, man. Like this is working? Well, not if it's working. Is it a, is it a, uh, a good choice for a guy with a wife and daughter? Sure. Yeah. Like maybe, I mean, I don't know.

That's my, my thinking is like, fuck man. I, because I'm so linear. Yeah. I'm like, no, we're gonna, eh, and then we'll have an hour. Yeah. And then we'll tour it and then that's the show. Yeah. I, uh, there's.

There's a lot of direction I could go with this answer. I mean, there's a part of me that is I like what we do across the board, across all mediums of what it means to be comedic. But also, I love the idea of being an artist. I like that. I like that our job occupational title is artist. And then it's into the nitty gritty of comedies. an actor, writer, producer, director. Then it's all those things.

But at its core, it's being an artist. And to me, that means constant discovery and evolution of process. And that is what, to me, that's where the drug is for us. Because what a lot of people listening to this or watching this don't know is that shooting the special and editing it is kind of the shittiest worst part of this job. It kind of fucking sucks.

Speak for yourself. I hate it. Not because it's like, oh, I made a thing and now I'll put it out and I'll get paid to do that, but because it is the end of that, but for me, the drug is doing the show and discovering how to do the show. So to your point of saying, your way of seeing

it is linear in terms of going, all right, now I'll do this, this and this. I'm in that same headspace. I just keep changing it. And it isn't by choice. It's kind of because of the ADHD. Okay, but that's exactly what I'm getting. So I do live in this space of.

I am, I have some whatever, short attention span, which could be brought upon my, whatever. Or I start with a grid. Yeah. Yeah. Like the chicken wire of what a show should be. Yeah. Obviously I'm artistic or I'm a, I just see myself as I was like, a writer and a structural architect, whatever.

So it's not like, I don't go like, sex joke here. Well, of course. No, you go insane. Yeah, but I do love the. Yeah. I'm an artist, but I do it by myself. Yes. And then I go, is this art?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And they go, mm-mm. But I love that. I mean, I would, I don't know. that I'd always want to do that, but I would love to, the fact that you sit and write scripts, or the fact that you go and see a live taping of whatever

and someone wants you there to like, try to quickly punch up jokes or hand you a script and go, hey, what can you do with this? Yeah. It fascinates me because it is what I want to be able to do. I just, my brain will not get me there. My brain will not turn on until my back is against the wall and it has to happen right now and that's when my brain goes here's and now

here's everything you need and only then does it give it to me it won't give it to me in advance total i think you think i'm funny i think you're really funny so it's like and it's too completely different like i hear that and i go what i know i know yeah like yeah we ordered cameras yeah yeah there's 50 people here that we're paying. Right. Yeah, yeah. And you're like, oh, well, no, I know. Yeah. I can you build the pressure up on me and then hopefully. And then and then it'll pop. Yeah, yeah. I mean, that's how I feel. When you say that you outline it, that I'm just as blown away because I want to do that. Yeah. I can't, I can't even pretend as though I'm capable of visualizing that to even be able to do it. You know, the more, the older I get, the more I kind of learn about this ADHD is that yeah i truly when someone's like there's times people like you should try to write your own script and see what that's like even just to do it and i'll go to do it and i'll already know from all of my friends that the first draft is just shit anyway so quit putting pressure on yourself just get it out and even still the moment i have to name a character

or a location or anything as i'm writing i then stop and it's over and my brain will not let me go any further and it's not even it's a non-committal choice that is meaningless and yet my brain name them chinese has to see everything it honestly could be the cure to this issue but my brain has to like see so much of it to go well then that's how we'll do it and my brain can't which is why someone like yourself is like oh i can see so much of it as i start to lay the bricks i'm like i can't see the house to know where to lay the bricks until they say the house has to get built today. The people, the homeowners are coming home. Yeah.

Then I can build the house. And you're like, the homeowners? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, right. The people who bought the house, they paid $40. It really is like, um, it's sort of going back. Your first block is ADHD just definitely. 100%.

Yeah. Uh, but I, I, uh, you know, that's why I kind of have this obsession with process and I just just have this kind of faith in it for it to work and be like, all right, I do have to, you know, I won't lie. I mean, there's a lot of weight and responsibility of knowing that in my home, I am the sole breadwinner. And so I do need to like provide, but I also have a job that doesn't have security. And so I have to live or die by these choices. And, you know, I was at a point in my career stand-up-wise where, you know, not even that long ago, maybe a year, year and a half ago, even after an HBO special coming out where I was like, okay, here we go. And I started

going back to do some clubs. And we were having to cancel one, maybe two, out of five shows because no one was buying tickets. And I was saying to my agent and my team was just like, I go, this is kind of crazy to me. I go, I'm further along than I've ever been. I think my stand-up is sharper than it's ever been. I love the special I just put out. I go, I don't know what is happening to where people aren't coming out to the shows. And I kind of was getting to a place where I go, you know what, maybe this is just as far as I get. It plateaus here and I keep doing it and I do X amount of numbers

in X amount of cities and I'll just start logging what that money is so I can start knowing what is my potential take of the year in just stand up. And then a guy who's now become a close friend asked if he could take over my social media stuff saying that that the whole problem was that I don't know how to market and promote. And I said, you absolutely can because I have no clue how to do it. I don't want to do it. I know how to do the thing. You couldn't, you froze up when they said, what do you want your screen name to be? Well, a million percent. And they were like, it should be your name. And I go, that's a great.

See, this is why you're good. It should be my name. And it, I got to say, it changed absolutely. everything having someone market and promote because the whole game is now on our phones in this social media not that that's where the product solely lives but that's where everyone finds out what's going on and I just wasn't yeah I wasn't putting my name in the hat to even have a chance and so yeah I got to say it was it what I was in a space not that long ago going is this like so you're like oh I made a mistake it's sort of like I should have been

more linear. Should have been more like Uncle Neil. Exactly. Well, or I was in a place going, why don't know how to do that. What do I do? And so I'm constantly in a space of, all right, do we just try to get cast on a show

and see if that stays on for a while? Yeah. That's my income or whether I even like the show or not, or do I keep pushing stand up just to do it every now and then and put out a special just because that's a little bit of a money grab I can do. And like, you know, I start thinking all this stuff thinking that the audiences weren't finding me or that they just didn't like what I was doing.

And then now having someone really push my stuff on social media, I'm like, oh, people do love it. They just, they didn't even know I existed. And so it almost feels, it feels incredible. But that's a long answer to your process question. Did you ever Medicaid for ADHD? Yeah. This was 1995 or 96. I was on Ritalin to start and it fucked up my appetite so bad we had to get off of it.

And now here was Adderall, which was like, I guess, the newer thing at the time in the 90s. And went on Adderall and immediately became an incredible student. Was finishing my homework in class. High honors. I went to a new school. High honors at that school and crushing it. And I was like, oh, yeah, I just, that gets me completely clued in. And now here I am.

And I think I was on it for like two or three years, and I could tell I would finish my work and my brain wouldn't turn off. And I was kind of spiraling into like a little bit of a overthinking depression. And I took myself off of Adderall. I was like, I'm going to go into college and I'm going to complete it. And I'm not using this to get me there. And so I got off Adderall completely. And that was just my own choice of pulling back and not doing it. And you tell what do you, how did you,

overthinking depression is a term I've never heard. What was, what was it? I mean, just the constant of asking too many questions or thinking what, too deeply and sort of an existential way. I was raised, religious, Catholic, and I would just sit in my room. I'd finish my homework or, you know, whatever studying. And then I would just sit there and be like, you know, like, well, what is God?

What am I, would have been taught that God? is but what do I think it is what do I how do I think we any of us got here like okay we say Big Bang but what does that even mean and what was before that and then like you know stuff that's like fun to to sort of think about because you create a philosophy of your interpretation of reality and what you think life is but I think there's some of that that sometimes when I think maybe it's drug fueled it can you can go a little too far of asking too many questions where it's like what the end of the day there's no answers to these questions so

are you really gonna obsess over questions that just don't have answers. And I kind of was. And it was depressing to commit so much of my mental energy towards that, you know? Well, it's funny when you say that words, it is like, I think Catholicism, any of these religions, any of the big four, you, uh, you there, it's like,

yeah, think about it, but not that much. Yeah, exactly. Because if you do, it's quickly, if you start asking too many questions, it's the whole thing falls in. It's too much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And I was just in that because I was raised in it. And I went to school. I went to a private Catholic school. I went to a private Episcopalian high school. And finally, I went to a public school halfway through high school. And yeah, it's such a central part of where even my jokes come from or even my- Yeah, you have a lot of my-

gay Christian jokes. That's my whole, yeah. One time my daughter asked me what happens when you die and I was like, I don't know. neither does anyone else and anyone who tells you they know is lying to you my wife was like hey why don't we pull it back a little bit but like you have a big one don't you have one but i mean like but all just stuff about christianity finds its way into my eyes i know i do it happens to me all the time where i'm like somebody some philosopher said like you can like sartra somebody said like if you're raised christian or catholic you're never getting rid of it yes you are absolutely

never I realized looking back of my life I'm like this whole thing was colored by that yeah yeah like ethics and morals and like yeah castigating people and the word castigate like certain like exactly for real like it's a it's a kind of a prison yeah I I think it and I'm you know I even in my stand-up I'm always like I really do talk about this a lot but it's there And if I think it's funny, I'm like, well, I'm not, if I think it's funny, I'm not going to ever go. I've covered that topic. I'll always put it back in if I think it's funny. But my brand just always goes to it.

Yeah, I know. And you're like, enough. But what are you going to put you? I know. But the people are on their way. Yeah. You've sold a house. Think of something.

And you're like, ah. Fuck, we need these bricks. These are the bricks. Ah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Jesus. Grief. Yeah. There's certain advertisers that when they're not advertising, I'm like, what, what's your problem?

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markup. Like I said last time I talked about this, I went on their site and I was like, oh, they must be doing a sale. They're not. This is what they're, this is what they're actually like this. Call to action. Make your summer wardrobe easier. Go to quince, Q-U-I-N-C-C-E-com slash any al for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available on Canada 2 that's quince Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash any al for free shipping and 365 day returns quince dot com slash any a Ligit good man do it do it do it do it do it do it bye grief yeah um as a as a as a As a major part of my life, my mother passed away on my first birthday of cancer.

And so I was kind of born into grief in the sense that, you know, probably instinctually as a kid. First birthday, you don't remember. Yeah. As, you know, as a kid, when that connection you have with your mother that people talk about, that, you know, solidifies a relationship with them for good or, for better or for worse, I, unknowingly wasn't experiencing that and maybe was experiencing some kind of, you know,

subconscious trauma that was happening in me. But I was kind of born into a family that was dealing with. Yeah. Massive amount of life-changing grief across the board of my mom's entire side, my dad's entire side, that this was such a massive landscape-changing earthquake for our family that I'm just a kid coming to learn that this is what is happening. And you know, kids are incredible. They absorb information and trauma and stuff that they don't even under, they're just trying

to, their brains are downloading everything to make any kind of sense of what anything is. And that, I was born into that. Not that I was. How many brothers and sisters? So at the time, it was just me. and my older sister. And my dad was... How old was she when your mom died?

My mom was 25. My dad was 25, going on 26. And like a couple months later. Two and a half. And so my dad was 25 left with a two and a half year old and a one year old. And my aunt moved in to take care of us. And so, you know, I kind of came into a world of getting passed around a lot, but my aunt ultimately moved into our house.

And, you know, for a long period of my life, that was my motherly figure, even if you were explaining to me who she was, it didn't mean that my like emotional side understood that. It was like, well, this woman, this is my care. Oh, so she's my aunt. So I'll temper my love and care. Oh, this is your aunt.

It's like, well, what does that word mean to me? What does the word mom even really mean? Yeah. Just going off instincts. And so, yeah, so she lived with us for five or six years. When you say you got passed around, what is that, what do you, There's a lot of family that you're conscious of? Well, a lot of family that was helping out.

So, you know. But I'm saying not that I'm conscious of, no. Okay. I mean, I will meet people, not so much anymore, but in my teens and maybe early 20s, I would meet family members that or friends of family members who I didn't really know who would be like, I used to watch you every Tuesday. And I would just be like, oh, that's crazy. And like, oh, you don't remember like doing this. And, you know, you don't because you're a kid. But that would just be what informed me now of being.

like oh okay yeah for sure like my dad worked and you know people would have to pitch in and the family to help out if my aunt had to go do something you know she had her life too so it was not in a bad way kind of in a great way getting like passed around like that and experiencing other people but it's not like something i i remember and grief as like a theme do you fit does it feel like you were the family was morose there was just a patina of sadness like i think there was that I mean, I think I was also told of who my dad used to be before she passed away versus who my dad then was after. And by whom?

Just family members. You know, my dad started drinking for sure. My dad became a big drinker. And so people would be like, oh, your dad didn't even drink anything before your mom passed away. Like he didn't even, that was no interest of him to him at all. And so that is like a shock where you're like, oh, really? because it seems like he's really into it.

He seems like a big fan. I'm going to be honest. He's got the merch. He's got the schedule. But I got to say like, you know, as a kid, you're the, you see that and you go, oh, man, he drinks like this and that. And then you get married and you have a kid and you go, fuck, I would probably have killed myself. So good for him only becoming an alcoholic. Yeah.

Wildly impressive. where, you know, you start to see things in a different angle when you hit the age of where you can now fantasize. Well, what would I have got? Hearing the story, he's 26. Yeah. He's a guy in North Carolina. South Carolina.

South Carolina. You refuse to accept it. I, you got to get up north. You got to go north. You got to check it out. You got to get to Asheville. Oh. You especially do.

Have your social guy. Get to the smokies. Do a, uh, uh, uh, uh, direct, an ad. You can select the region. Tourism map? No, no, you just go. Oh, Geotarget. Actually, don't worry your ADHD, little head about it.

Plan this, write it, send it to my guy. Then I'll know what to say on action. But, okay. And is your dad still alive? No, my dad passed away in June of 2020. And so kind of- COVID or not? No, he had a heart attack.

Brought on by the fear of- by Dr. Fauci. But because Fauci did that day. Yeah. And that's my family's belief. Yeah, so, you know, grief being that I was born into it. And then, you know, my, then when my dad passed away in 2020, it was like the most intense amount of grief. I've lost people in my life, my grandparents.

But losing my dad was like, oh, I thought because I never knew my mom that I understood grief. But I only understood this version of grief where you. you don't know what you've lost. And now that I've lost my grandparents, which is obviously sad, but you also have to accept at some point that they're, you know, you get older and you die. So you go, well, it's sad, but that's what happens. To lose someone unexpectedly like your dad, it was like,

oh, now I'm experiencing this version of grief. I had just also two years before that lost my best friend from college. And, you know, that was a grief that was so shocking because he had cancer for a few years that I I didn't even know how to fully register it and start to even break it down. And then when my dad died, I was like, oh, man, I haven't even touched that version of grief. And now we're on to the Mount Everest of it.

And so, yeah, it's been, it's been an insane six years of getting, you know, COVID starting, stand up falling apart, which I didn't think it was possible. And then going, oh, shit, things can shut down and go away. And then getting back on stage and climbing back into it. And then this hour that I put out was probably the first sort of version of me post my dad dying. My special I put out in 2024 were all the jokes I was going to put out in 2020. So I wasn't a fact, you know, it wasn't jokes where it's like, oh, he's been through this. So this hour was like, oh, here is this version. Are you talking about it?

I do. I do talk about it very minimally, but it's something I'm wading into. I talk about a little bit at the end of my special. And now I'm like dipping into it more. So once you had your daughter, so how did you feel about your dad before you had a kid? Um, you know, it, he, I, my dad was great. But there was also times where my dad wasn't great and it would really bother me or like how our relationship was. You're not of self pittier. No, I mean, I can be. But I, I, but I, I had a relationship with him and I was like I wish we talked more had this relationship and I kind of just in the back of my head always kind of put it on him to foster that and to start that

and then when I had my kid not right away but now that my kid is going on 11 years old I realize like oh it isn't totally I can't keep living this life of expecting other people who want to have a relationship with me to build that relationship or not take responsibility for me not doing it. And so, you know, now that my dad's gone,

that's one of those regrettable sort of things you look back at and go, oh, I could have been there more. I could have done these things. I will say I always sort of had it in the back of my head, like one of these days my dad's gonna see me finally really accomplish something in this job. Yeah. And I'm gonna go, there, see, I could do that.

And he had my back the whole time. It wasn't like some sort of, I'll show him. But I remember reading Steve Martin's Born Standing Up book, and he He had a thing about his dad and what their relationship was like. And in that book, he even so directly was like, you know, it's worth it to go and resolve these things now and have this relationship.

Don't wait. Now, you could tell he was writing kind of that from a regretful place. And I read that and I was like, that is for me. And I did not heed that advice even slightly. Because you have a B. You're not a good way. I forgot I read it. You just before you were good at reading.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a mad I mean, fuck, have you read it? It's a madhouse. I mean, okay, so did you, the, first of all, the, how quick did you go to empathy once you had your daughter, like, once you got married and had a kid and you were like, if, I can't remember your wife's name. Jordan. Yeah.

Yeah. What? Yeah. Do you then like pretty immediately call your dad and be like, because I actually, my girl is a kid and I'm like very involved and, and, uh, I call my mom. I'm gonna apologize. I know, I know. These revelations.

What's saying? You have these revelations. Yeah, were you like, oh, oh, oh. Yeah. Yeah. It's like several different memes of like, huh? Yeah, I would have called my dad pretty quick, I think. And also, it's, you know, I'm curious.

Like, you know, I'm not curious and I'm glad that I'm not experiencing this. But in an event like that that's so tragic, like, you know, I think that my dad would step up and be like, like, here's, you know, I can guide you through this. Right. No, no, but I'm saying you must have been like any problems you had with them. Yeah. I'm not saying they all are empathized with the minute you have a kid. Yeah. I would think 80% of them are like, oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that's the interesting thing about having a kid is it just like an entire ideology just like in like, like, Three hours.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm never gonna think that again. Yes, exactly. I can't even get into that mindset. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And did you, so did you, did it change a relationship with him? It did. I wanna leave the impression that my dad and I didn't get along or love each other.

No, yeah. I just, I wish my dad would have called me more. I wish I would have called him more. And I wish that the thing I wanted was us to be friends. I wish I would have worked harder. harder and more forcefully at making that happen. Because I think I could have, especially as my dad was getting older. But and it's not like you're busy writing.

And I'm not writing or doing anything. So you had a lot of time. I had so much time. And Jordan's not working. So she's tinkering baby. And she kept trying to hand me the phone. I was like, it's not a good day. This isn't the week.

You want a fake phone call? Do, okay. And well, somebody said something great. I don't know if I may cut, I don't know if it was on the podcast. I don't know what's great about podcasts is you don't know if you said it, heard it on a podcast, your grandfather told you, like, it's all a mishmash at this point. That his, their kid was complaining about their parenting. And, and he's like, okay, so can I complain about you now? Right.

And that's kind of like this where you're like, I wish he'd call, I wish he'd call me more. I should have called him more, you've forgiven yourself for not calling him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. It's a bit of, it's kind of your responsibility. And it's conversations you want to have because you think, oh, one day we're going to have it out. Or one day we're going to have a great conversation. Or one day we'll go do this, or we'll have these moments.

And then you sort of realize that time is in constant motion. Whatever you think right now is the thing that you're going to do, it's the universe kind of telling you that now is, I'm telling you to go do this thing. I had a thought I'd say I should call my mom just to thank her but it was like night like nine something yeah I'm like I don't want to maybe I should leave a voice memo Neil wake up um thank you for what what not now fuck you I'm sleeping um the uh you know how fucking hard it is to sleep at my yeah um but and then something I saw something on Reddit yeah but Yeah, and I, so I, now I need to, Neil. Do it today.

Do it today. For a real. And you'll be, you'll be glad that you did. But yeah, I think it's, in terms of like, that's something I've been working through is, is finally coming to terms with what grief is and how to experience it and accept it and allow the vulnerability that comes with it. and comes with this job and with family and aging and getting away from perception of what you think you are or who you think you are or what other people think of you and letting that inform you of who you think you are. Grief has been the bedrock of that. I have been my whole life guy who didn't have a mom and you and I will be that. That's just what I am. But you start

start to go, well, is that really how I'll just see myself for forever? Or will I just come, like, you know, or will I finally let the tears flow and just scream when I need to scream to get that out, whatever that even is, and then move on from it. And I think my dad's passing away, which was six years ago, I was still wasn't even immediately there. I'm just now really coming into that.

space of of it and starting to realize that grief is not a someone died but don't worry next year you'll be back on your feet it's like someone died there is no like next year it's only that this is now it's permanent you can't go back you don't recover from it you just start to live the life where you now are the person who's lost these people and that's what changes you well it do you Do you think that that is definitional? Meaning, I didn't know you lost your mom. Yeah. Right.

Do you know what I mean? Like I don't, even the thing of like, the things I know, but I thought I know about you, I thought I knew. And it turns out you were betraying me a whole time. I've texted you a lot, my mom's dead. Hey, just, hey, Neil, I'll be there soon. My mom's dead. And I'll write like, did you mean to send this?

Yeah. You'll be like, all caps. Yes. Did you mean to send this to a different Neil? No. I'm A.L. Remember, I'm A.L. Yeah, thank you.

But you're like, I don't see you as self-pityer. I don't see you as very angry. I don't see you as like, you don't seem aggrieved in any way. So is your, I read you as silly. Is that a defense, is that like, hey, don't look over here. I'm going to make up a song. Yeah, I don't think it's that I don't want someone to look over there. Or you don't want to look over there.

I, yeah. Or you're aware of it and you're doing it. Yeah, it's a little bit of that. But I think it's also that I've, I've, I, I, have constantly been the person who is like, oh man, I grew up without a mom and I, and I grew up in this trauma. And then I see like, you know. Did you think it was trauma? That wasn't even really a word until three years.

Well, now, you know, the, the end of my 20s and 30s. Did I start to understand what that even meant? Yeah. Not that I accepted that I had it or had some, was affected by it. But I think I was like that. But then it kind of taught me to really see other people. and see that they are also going through their version of this thing, even if it's someone I disagree with across the board

or even like kind of hate to really see that this sort of thing is universal, the good and bad of things is universal. And yeah, I don't think I ever saw it as like this definition of who I am, but I do think it was a massive motivator that I was like, man, things are sad, but you know what's really fun is like knowing that other people are sad too. And I think I naturally have something in me that can kind of help that. And when I am making someone laugh, you know, just kind of go, yeah, that's sad. But what if you laugh at this thing over here? Not to say let's ignore that,

never deal with it. But what if you laugh about this and I laugh about it? And I laugh about it. that, you know, as you know, I'm getting the drug too. A lot of people are like, oh, you were up there and you're funny and you're like, yeah, well, when you laugh, I'm getting, I'm saying the thing that's giving you the drug. But your response to that drug is my drug. And we're both getting something out of it.

And I think it just kind of, it steered me towards wanting that. Like when someone smiled or laughed or who knows, it could be deeply seated in wanting acceptance by not having a mom. But what I did with it was, What I did with it was turn it into this where I go, you know, I like this. This makes me feel better about stuff, which is why.

It seems not neurotic. That's what I find interesting. And then I'm like, oh, I didn't know that. And then I go thinking what I know about you. I'm like, I don't, it doesn't seem like, from the ashes. Right. No. Rory Scoville doing stand up at the same time on stage,

on Conan with John Doe. Right, yeah. Like. Look at this crowd. Thank you very much. Thank you so much. I really appreciate that. Yeah, I don't feel that either.

Silly experiment. Yeah, I think it's just because I've kind of committed to that. Like, this is more fun. And as I've aged, have I only started to realize that, you know, there's probably a lot more growth in my life if I start dealing with this grief and accepting it, as opposed to never looking in that direction of it, you know? And I'm also realizing that. It feeds my comedy and my stand-up

in such a better, deeper, more fulfilling way. And so I'm kind of realizing, oh, this vulnerability and this honesty is kind of my favorite version of the shit to start writing jokes about. And you're improvising a lot still? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great.

If only I could figure out social media, so I could. That's the whole thing. That's the whole thing. The grief thing is really interesting to me. It's thick. Yeah, well, I'm just interested in you. you like appreciating it as a don't stand don't stay there too long that's what i'll say i

stay there like 20 25 years i don't i don't love it but i uh i made it my whole identity like yeah meaning yeah i made it a big part of me and it's just like edison and then a bunch of stuff happened but it was just like oh oh i got to stop that yeah but you came to that place i didn't want to do it anymore but how great is that you're like oh i got there yeah because that's what i think even being like you know i think that's what i'm realizing like i also don't want to stay stuck there and i also don't want to become this thing that's becomes you know the definition of me in some way but i think i am realizing like to the way i was saying earlier that like oh this grief and dealing with it is kind of the lifelong journey i hate that mine started so young but i'm coming

to realize like, oh, my dad died. It's like you and I have mutual friends who die every year. And you go, oh, this is unending. And we're only getting older. This is how much I think about it. Literally last night, I chat GBT, or deep seek, the Chinese one, because you know me. Because I think they're not going to track me.

God, I was trying to wouldn't do that. How many Americans. die peacefully surrounded by their loved ones. One a year. Well, you know, so because I was just thinking about death. I was looking at, you crazy. Just like, there's death all the time. All the time.

All the time. And vicious versions of it. I mean, so that's what I was like, what's the good, how much does the good? What are the odds you're going to get the good way out? Yes. Yes. The good version. Yeah.

What did say? It was, it was, like, the readback was actually really funny. They were like peaceful, subjective. Yeah. Right. And they go, they go, uh, surrounded. They go, we don't track surrounded. And I was like, well, then you're not serious.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not going to track how many people are surrounded when they die. Yeah. They're also like, surrounded is subjective. No, no, I mean, it was that, the surrounded part made me laugh out, literally made me laugh laugh out a lot. There were a lot of, it was a more people were going to hospice. Per the CDC per AI.

In 2000, fewer than one in four Medicare deaths involved hospice. In 2024, it was more than half, 53%, and it's gone up three years running. And then a lot of people are dying at home via hospice? Yeah. Hospital deaths fell from 48.0% in 2000 to 35.1% in 2018. Home deaths rose from 22.7% to 31.4% over that same period. 26.8% of people died in hospice or a nursing home in 2018. became the most commonplace of death from natural causes for the first time since the early 20th century right around 2019

hospitals had dominated since the 1960s surrounded by and peacefully are still subjective jackass the big eye-opener was and I don't I should look this up more but it was four percent of people are unclaimed what does that mean that no one they don't no one like like they could they just disappeared that well no they die but they have no friends or family. Oh, okay. An estimated two to four percent of Americans who die each year, up to 114,000 people go unclaimed. And these usually aren't mysteries. We know exactly who they are.

There's just no one to claim them. Can I ask two questions that are maybe dumb or maybe a lot of people are thinking of it? One, is hospice always cancer or is it kind of anything? I believe it's anything. Okay. And it's, you're being like, it's just a

I think it's mostly just like drugs. So that's drugs and drugs and nurses. The second question was is my most of my sexual fantasy. Is it always the way of morphine? That's probably what it mostly is, right? Yeah, I think that's probably

you're in so much pain now as well. Sure. Okay. That's my again that's based on one deep seek search. Yeah, that's my That's all I need is one deep seek and I'll take it. They will never track you. Yeah. So, so I think about, like, my thinking was just that we're supposed to be fine with it. Yes.

That and because there's no other. Yeah. Alternative. Well, that's, you know, not that this is right on what I was saying about the, uh, overthinking depression. But that's another version of it where you go, oh, I'm so obsessed with death, um, whether you've had people in your life die or not that you become so obsessed with, well, how am I going to die that it starts to. starts to affect every decision and it affects your life negatively in a depressive way and that's like a version of the overthinking no when you said over the depression immediately I lit up I should have gotten to the ding and the

problem it's one of my I mean I didn't even know that was a I never put it together yeah yeah so but yeah it's just a crazy thing that we're supposed but what's the alternative the alternative is accept it don't do yeah it's a To overthinking depression, you can even write jokes, you can eat your own tail, you can do drugs, you can just go, ah. Yeah, yeah. Like, I don't, how do you? You know, there is that sort of like, I can't stop taking Adderall. Yeah.

There is that sort of like, if someone could tell you right now, when you will die and how you will die, would you want to know it? Or would you go, no, no, no, I don't tell me that. Like, there is that sort of like, it's not a riddle, but I mean, you know, that's sort of. philosophical like oh i don't which is a better more peaceful life knowing or not knowing not knowing not knowing yeah not knowing of course but that's when people obsess over it you pose that question to be like well then you just a cure you in any way i'd have my first thing would be like who is this genie who offered this who the fuck was that guy um um uh he seemed uh he seemed i i thought he was born again i don't know what he was

was but and no my thing would be like can I is our loophole how do they know yeah like I got I'm gonna hack it that's because you're a comedian you have to be a good how do I and then once they tell you the loophole right but is that oh is that and then and then you go is that funny yeah well no but is that the over is that overthinking depression yes is that yes and is that what makes me a comedian yes yes yes most of us I've been one I've been looking for one. Yeah. Okay. Guys, hi, Neil Brennan here.

I'm, I move. I've been moving around a little bit. This city, that city, et cetera, et cetera. And I'm also at an age where I'm like a little more doctor curious.

A little more like, I need some, I need to get like, okay. Let's cut to the chase. Last week, I've been to the allergist, got some good drops and some good sprays. I'm going to the osteopath today. And what else have I been to? And I've got to go to another guy.

I need to go to a general person. So anyway, how did I do it? Well, I did it with Zock Doc. Discussed before, I didn't know what Zock was until they started, came on as a sponsor. It's a great way to find out about a company. Basically, it's a better version of, it's a less intimidated version. of most doctor interfaces, most like websites, insurance, like it's just, it's all intimidating. And Zoc Doc makes it real simple.

You just put in your type of insurance, you put in where you are and what you want, and they will get you connect with the doctor, and you can make appointments sometimes same day, at least, you know, in the next few days, times, four, like everything's right there. You don't have to fill stuff out seven times. It's fantastic. It's how I found the allergist who gave him the nice drops and the nice sprays.

Okay, listen to me. Zocococ lets you search and compare local in-network doctors, which I already said. They have more than 150,000 providers within 200 plus specialties across all 50 states. The website has tons of reviews from real patients and detailed doctor profiles to help you choose the right one.

That was actually helpful because, you know, people are crazy. You go on the other, yeah, let's call it, say, Yelp. A little crazy. People will be like, one star. They didn't validate my parking. Lady, this is about medicine. Also, Zok-Doc, free to use. Guys, here's the call to action.

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Zock doc, can you tell them outside right now? You're going to hear a bird. At least one. Have you heard one? I mean, I can hear them. Anyway, even though I'm a pale, I'm a daywalker. Is that what they call them? I've been doing a little more barbecue and my lady is,

She's sort of commandears and then I and I do the thing where I'm like a you know a clean up a little bit afterward and The thing that is the most aggravating is stuff sticking to the grill. That's like kind of the worst part. It's just like and you don't know what and then you're gonna eat it later. You're gonna eat it later. You're gonna in weeks later. I don't want to know and that's why we've been using a new thing the hex clad Barbecue Collection. Hexclad's bringing their hybrid technologies outdoors with products specifically designed to make grilling easier especially when you're cooking foods that normally don't cooperate on a traditional grill. Guys, the hex-clad barbecue grill pan combines the searing power of stainless steel, the durability of cast iron, and the convenience of non-stick,

all-in-one versatile grilling pan. I can attest to the taste, delicious, maybe give my lady credit, maybe give hex-clad credit, and I can attest to the non-stick because it's as good as you could want non-stick to be, it's not sticking. They got a perforated design, let's heat and smoke flow through, vegetables, seafood, fish, kebops, tofu, and satan and tempe pointing two thumbs. This guy.

We did a bunch of veggies. She did fish for the little guy. She did some tofu for me. It was legitimately good. So if you're planning on spending time behind the grill this summer, don't make it harder than it needs to be. stop losing food through the great stop fighting cleanup and upgrade your backyard cooking set with hex clad's barbecue collection for a limited time only our listeners get 10% off your order with our exclusive link just head to hex clad that's h-e-x-c-l-a-d-com good name hexclad dot com

slash n-a-l 10% off support our show and check them out at hexclad h-e-x-clad C-L-A-D dot com forward slash any al. Make sure you let them know that we sent you. Parenting. Yeah. We've touched on it, but daughter's name? Elliot. Raising Ellie, do you, by the way, one of my favorite indie movies that you did Raising Elliot.

Yeah. There was a point in the culture where every week there was a blanking blank movie. Yeah. Losing Isaiah, chasing liberty, finding forest stories. saving private Ryan, killing Zoe, being Julia, driving Miss Daisy, etc. We were flying high. We loved it. It's one we were the best. Did you, did it make you think back?

Obviously, you think back on your childhood. Yeah. And did it make you appreciate the people that, like, chipped in? Sure, yeah, yeah. Did it make you, knowing you, I'm sure you didn't call them? But, but. Who were they? But like, did it shine light on you?

Did it shine light on your childhood and did it make you think differently of yourself? Yes, 100%. Before you have a kid, you have this fantasy in your mind of what kind of dad or parent in general that you're going to be because you think you're going to be the one that you wanted or you think you're going to be the way you wish your parent.

were to you and it's not true because you can't just imagine it and then that's what it's going to be. That's who you are. Yeah, you're going to be affected by the reality of the... Your awful personality. Yeah, you're going to be affected by the adversity. You're going to be affected by big decisions that you weren't privy to because you were a kid. You're going to be affected by your sort of feelings about... aging and where you are and that's and you're going to have different answers to the questions

than you might have had as a kid when you were like I wish my parents would stay out of the way and let me do all this stuff but then you have a kid and you go oh I'm actually glad my parents didn't do that because you're kind of what we're saying we want to call and say I'm sorry yeah I'm sorry for I forgive you and I hope you forgive me I'd like wow um you kind of get like that with uh with having a kid you immediately realize that you know there's times I've reacted to my child in a way where I'm like, oh, I don't, I, I hated when my dad reacted that way. And then I just did it because I guess maybe I'm informed of that or whatever. But to me, the growth is realizing you don't want to be that way and starting to change.

And so that's, that's kind of what it's been for me. The challenge, though. Because that, because you do go, it's like, I want to be in shape. Yeah. I want to be ripped. Yes. Okay. Yeah.

Cool. Everybody wants to be ripped. Everybody wants to be a perfect parent. Yes. What do you do when you do snap and you're like, oh. It's, I know. It's, what you just think like, I think, because my dad did snap at me. We all had, this is our common bond all of us have.

Kids are really, really, really irrational. Yes. Some of our most irrational people. Yes. Yes. I would, I look at it and be like, well, what, okay, that happened. So what would I want my dad to do now? And then I go, well, then that's what I'll do.

And that will be the growth. And that will be the evolution. That'll be the change. Because if, you know, I was spanked as a kid and I don't look at my, anyone in my family who spanked me as though they're like psychopaths about it. Because I know they were spanked. Did you think, did you a little bit before you had Jordan? Or before you had Elliot?

That what? Oh, about... They were psychopaths? About spanking me? Yeah. No, I kind of was like, yeah, you know, that's how you rear a child. Yeah. But then...

I also, Catholic. Yeah. Spare the rod, spoiled a child. There's so many, like, bars... Yeah. About beating children in the Bible. Exactly. Yes.

Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far away. Proverbs 2215. Bars. Discipline your children, and they will give you rest. They will give delight to your heart. Proverbs 2917. Bars. Do not withhold discipline from your children.

If you beat them with a rod, they will not die. If you beat them with the rod, you will save their lives from Shiole. Proverbs 23, 13 to 14. Bars. I love saying that about the Bible. There's so many bars in the Bible. I mean, I knew that we weren't going to spank our child. I knew that going into it.

And we never have. And it's been incredible because to me, that is the positive evolution. To me, that is the breaking the cycle is changing and actually doing it. And so even in moments where I maybe get, you know, maybe get, you know, loud at my kid or like, if I'm being unreasonable, we're in an argument.

And I'm like, God, why am I so, like, why am I, why do I care so much about this argument I'm having, you know, I then go and apologize or I say, you know, hey, the way I reacted is not okay and people shouldn't respond the way I responded. I got heated quickly and, you know, I think when you start to verbalize that to your kid, it means the world to them because they go, okay, because for a second I thought you were a psycho, but the fact that you came in here and apologized informed me, you're not a psycho that you made a mistake. And it's all, we only ended up there because I apologize. And so I started to realize. You've had that, not a verbatim conversation, but like versions of it?

Sure, of course. Yeah. I mean, starting all the time. I don't know, when Elliot was very young, I would like blow up about stuff. And my wife would have to be like, well, you know, like this is a toddler. This is how a toddler behaves.

And like, I'm a psycho. Now, she's testing me. Literally. No, yeah. You joke, but that's what I would tell myself. I get. Trust me. I get the, the, I don't know if it's masculine or I don't know what it is, but you go, it's like, no, he, you become like a, this is a test.

Like you, like they're in Al-Qaeda and you're a tracker. A hundred percent. You're like, no, no, no, no, no. Trust me. This guy's, I know what they're up to. He's sending me a message. Yes. Yeah.

But I, that would happen. I would, you know, blow up. And it wasn't like I would apologize then. And I look back and I wish I would have reacted differently to some things or choices I made or like seen my kid in a different light. But to me, the best you can do is recognize it. And I'm not saying anything new here, but like you recognize it and then you actively change. Like for instance, when you say, we all say we want to go work out and be ripped and look great, it's not impossible. It's just a matter of actually doing it and realizing the changes you have to make to get there.

And it's fucking hard to do. And it's the same with parenting. It's hard to, it's hard to do it. And in our line of work, it's difficult. I'm gone a lot. I'm on the road a lot. And my kid's brain is growing so rapidly that only through the absolute piece. pieces of shit that work at Apple who make our phones feed us a montage every day of tear-filled

memories. Yep. Only then am I really seeing, oh my God, like, so much time has gone by. Oh, my God, I remember that version of my kid, this version of my kid, this version of my kid. And you start to go, oh, that kid is still in my kid, but my God, I wish I wish I could go back and talk to that version. Yeah. Well, that version thing, Sam Harris talks about that a lot.

like the that that's the you they you may never come back do you feel is it unfair to be like marson i remember people doing that to me like you used to be so cute and being like oh fair to call them that they've yeah like to yeah to point and i was cute yeah yeah yeah yeah but like yeah yeah right okay i wouldn't do that i mean even though it is but you will take it in the same ice cream parlor yeah and be like yeah yeah remember who we used to be but i i see it as i go oh it's so fun knowing that that kid is still in there um and when you say it kind of applies to your own childhood or you think about your own childhood and stuff you know it is there is strange that as i watch my child grow up i do realize like oh all of those versions of my youth are still a part of my

psyche and as a younger version of me would have thought it's so cheesy and stupid to say to your self your inner child your younger self like it's okay like I usually think like who fight you're that's gone but I kind of now I'm like oh there's there's some health in that whether you really believe that you're connecting with some younger version of you or not it's kind of great to out loud verbally be like you went through some hard shit but we're still standing and I got you and we're good and you know I've now see the benefit in that and I also see the benefit in communicating to your kid you know hey it's okay to kind of watch out for yourself and make sure you communicate with yourself we're on the same team here let's not beat

ourselves up it's not be negative to ourselves like all that kind of stuff that I thought was so stupid and just like had no part of reality. I now see it as, oh, it's really important. And that's, you know, going back to the, how do you break the cycle? How do you evolve and change? It's like, we'll start to accept these things that maybe society and some people think is like, you know, kind of childish or stupid and be like, well, I don't. And I actually think it has a good positive impact.

What's funny is your act is really childish. And I don't say that. No, I love that. I want it to be. It's really playful. Yeah, I want that. Especially for me, somebody who plans every word. And you're very serious.

You're always shocked when people laugh. You're like, that's not what this is about. I mean, you're not, you're not entirely wrong. I look, I mean, you probably don't, but I'll watch video and go, how did that get a laugh? Yeah. How did anyone? Yeah. The connections, yeah.

Yeah, like, what? Yeah. Aging. Yeah. How do you love? I love it. Do you love it? I do and I don't.

It's just sped up so much now that it's been sort of accepted, just a thing where you go, well, you just accept it. You can't fucking, there's nothing you can do. But it is tough. It is tough in our line of work where you think everyone is attracted to youth, and we all are, but you think, oh, everyone's attracted to the younger perspective or someone who's the fresh thing. thing right and even though I don't entirely think that's true and there's so much evidence to the contrary yeah there's also like yeah so much evidence is the

contrary but yet still I think we always think it because when we go into this business we are so young that we kind of think that well that's where I need to stay in that sort of head space and that physical space in order to really get to where I fantasized about getting to it hasn't been so difficult like I said I don't hate it But there is acceptance of it. I mean, I do feel older and I am. Well, it's also interesting when you look at the crowd and it's like old and you're like,

no, we should be, aren't you guys getting off your job at a coffee shop and coming here and they're like, no, man. Yeah, no, no. I have like a lot of kids and like, I am tired all the time. Yeah, and the only reason I'm here is because I went to see you once when I worked at a coffee shop. Yeah.

And you remind me of that time. Yeah. Yeah. You're nostalgia for me. Yeah. You're the Rolling Stones to me. Yeah, exactly. Kind of.

Yeah. Like they're not, and then you go, well, I want 23-year-old fans. Yeah. Like, I don't know what to tell you. Why would they like you? Yeah. I think there's an acceptance of that time has come and gone. And seeing the positive and the fun and what you have now, it's just difficult to do.

But I do like it. I think it, I think stand up. I think if you are a really good stand-up, this aging thing is great for it. It becomes so much richer and thicker and better because you really have, like, done a lot now as opposed to your 20s where it, not to say that people in their 20s can't be like that.

I mean, Bo Burnham is maybe the oldest soul to ever do entertainment. It's fascinating to me. But me and my 20s, I didn't fucking understand anything. So I probably, you know, went on stage and 90% of my act was talking about pot because that's what I smoked pot and things were weird. That's just what I said.

But now it's like, I'm so far removed from these things. Now you eat it. Now I do. And it's weird. And it's- And now I'm digesting it differently. Yeah. And so now I'm 20% and I talk about taxes and mortgages.

And I finally grew up. But yeah, I think it's an acceptance of that, which has, I think, that's been a tough hurdle for me for a while because even with acting, you think, well, I need to look a certain, certain way or certain roles can only happen for a certain person and I have a joke that's pretty good about it the one battle after another's the first time DeCaprio has played a parent oh that's interesting because I think he was like I'm not I don't yeah I'm like a kid yeah yeah I'm fucking having a kid and what do you mean like like and he was like oh

yeah he has a child that he's like parenting in the he's never he doesn't parent that's a He's on boats. That's true. And so you, and you realize like, oh, people that I used to see in commercials as like the teenager. Yeah. Are now playing like old judges. Yes. Yes.

Like what's. Yeah. What's happening? And it messes with you. It messes with you because you're immediate, exactly. And your immediate interpretation is like it's so negative or bad when really it's not even good or bad. In fact, if anything, you should be. like, oh, good, they still get, we still get to work.

Oh, okay, because I'm sorry, I took it as, hey, you're going to die soon. Well, as we said, there's no way around it. And you know, you won't be surrounded. I, well, 4%. I hope to get claimed. Yeah. I'm aiming for claim. You'll get claimed. You'll get claimed. I think that's the, I think that's, I think that's a reasonable expectation. Someone will claim. Someone will claim you. That's correct. Yeah, yeah.

but I think it's just one of those aging in general. I think it's difficult for absolutely everybody. I know I just personally, as I feel like I'm moving away from it, have added just that extra bit of anxiety to it because of our job and this somewhat illusion that we need to stay young to be able to be entertainers. And it's not true. But it still is like sort of a mirage.

It's like, well, if you're younger, you're more appealing. Kind of, there is, there's a truth to it. It's kind of true. Yes, yeah, yeah. It's just not entirely true. No, it's not entirely true. Yeah. But it is like, they prefer it. Yeah.

There's, I mean, we all want fresher. Yeah. It's just funny that, and I see that across the board and a lot of things, sure, it's just funny that in standup, the fresher take that you might be more attracted to is like wine. It's like the aged wine. might taste better than this other one because we've lived a more fuller life we might have more interesting more relatable takes on things that are potentially deeper i again i'm not saying younger people can't have that i just know for me i didn't think about any of this stuff and now at 45 i'm

like oh i kind of like going on stage and diving deeper into life as opposed and and finding the jokes in the real shit as opposed to just having jokes that are always just silly and funny. I still want those, but I also want to talk about, you know, grief and love and depression and parenting and joy and all these like things that I'm like, well, how do I point that out and remind the audience we're all experiencing that together too? I'm embarrassed by aging and I'm going to fight it every step of the way. Okay. You listen to me. You sit down.

It's embarrassing. Are we rolling? Yeah. It's embarrassing. It's humiliating. It's worse. And it ends badly. I like your take.

I like your take on it. It ends badly. It ends really badly. Yeah. So more than likely. Yeah. Every 100% of time. Deep Seek's pretty sure it's going to end.

I mean, yeah. I didn't look up how many people died, but I think it's. I mean, it's a number. It's got to be around. It's a number. It's a high number. It's a number. We're doing a number.

Yeah. Okay. Being an available husband. Yeah. Go. It's difficult. It's difficult on the road. It's difficult when you sort of live two lives, the life of an entertainer who is in some ways

married to their career and the people who are invested in you as in someone who entertains them and then the person who is married and available to your husband. You, the second portion, you're talking about the audience? Yeah, but I mean, I'm talking ultimately about my wife and being available, but you're kind of having to live two lives and so to be available to that person you're married to, it's It's not so easy to do. And I don't know that maybe emotionally I'm super great at it. I wish I was.

I see some friends who I think are amazing partners, but it's something I, that. How does Jordan feel about it? In terms of, is it what she thought it was going to be? Do you think? Marriage or what? Well, marriage to you, meaning like, a buddy of mine one time said that him and his I've looked at each other and we're like, you'll get used to it. Yeah.

Like mutually. Yeah. All right. You'll get used to it. That's great. I mean, if there's a real hostility to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they both said it, which makes it peaceful.

They both said it the exact same time. No, no, but there is something about like. I don't know that Jordan, I think what's good about this career and this job with Jordan is that Jordan is also an actor and an incredible one. and does understand my job in the sense that it's not so foreign to her. She's participated in it. But got to know me as my career was really starting. So has been on the ride the whole time.

Right. So at no point hasn't celebrated any, you know, growth or big achievements. Has been like an angel investor. It's like, great. Awesome. Yeah. And so it's in and loves it. But I think sometimes Jordan, which is when you're home, can you be here? Can this be the space that you're in?

And that is the space I want to be in. But it is very difficult to turn off this version of my life and this side of my brain to fully be the guy over here who's ready to focus and work on us. It's hard to do that. It's hard to shift back to that. It's definitely hard in the middle of a tour when you're coming and going constantly. you're sort of not really fully present or absent in either. You're just sort of like in a weird, you know, sort of spin. I would say that people, when you see somebody that's on tour,

you're talking to them and they're basically on a conveyor belt. It's like, hey, man, how you doing? Good to see you. Yeah, all right, I'll take care. And then they're gone. Yeah, and then they're gone. Yeah. So they're not even, it's like, and they sense it and you sense it.

And their eye contact is here the whole time. Yes. Hey, Neil, how's it going? Yeah. And they're like looking for the bus or the flight or whatever behind you because that's Or waiting for the handler to come up and go. Yeah, we gotta go. Guys, we gotta go.

Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's, I would say mine's not that level of extreme. It's just, it is like that though in the sense that, you know, you get weighed down by a lot of airports, a lot of Ubers, a lot of cabs, a lot of TSA pre-check, a lot of, we're now boarding the plane, a lot of now flight delay, a lot of hotels, a lot of, pre-show, sound check, light check, sit here now for an hour and a half and wait. What does it do? Does it make you selfish? Does it make you like, I mean, I think it just invariably makes you selfish.

There's a selfishness to it that you have to shed when you get home because out there, you're on your own time and your own schedule. And if someone's like, sit in this green room, you're like, yeah, all right, what time am I on? You know, okay. So the show starts at eight and I'll probably be up at 830. Like, okay. And then you're just in the brain. of all right well if I thought about dinner if I thought about am I hydrate did I do vocal warm-ups did I do this before I get out there and then when you get home it's like hey all that stuff that you focused on for yourself like now you kind of need to take that brain and not completely eliminate yourself but you need to apply it to focus on the family like what is your kids schedule do we have practice today is there a thing

after school did we say we were going out for dinner with our friends do we have a thing or am I in charge of dinner do I you know that you get into that thing where you go oh okay out here it was me and the focus was me and now here it's not me and it's great it's a great it's just hard to switch those brains okay can we entertain the idea of it not being great because I think a lot of people oh don't think it's great oh there's my coming back coming back home well or which some people don't like parenting sure yeah sure and and door if you're the center of attention and then you come home and you're basically a soldier

yeah for your wife and child or husband and child yeah yeah I think that's a lot of times when people uh announced some new tour dates we've seen that we've seen it we've seen it a lot yeah but but but yeah but that is is there that the catholic kicks in for me where you're like I'm sure there's bars. The Bible has bars about this. Husbands love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Colossians 319. About like the husband and the honoring and the and it.

But it is like, again, could be can be interpreted as worse. Yeah. Than the other. Oh, well, it's. I don't want to sound mean. And I don't mean this in, and I don't want to sound mean. I love being home and I love, I prefer to be home. I really want to be home.

Yeah. But I can totally understand why someone would say that's worse. I mean, think about it by comparison. Over here, if it's your tour, you are a king. Yeah. Even in its worst version, you still get to be the king. Yep. Even if everyone's not really bowing down to you, you're still the show.

Yes. And so that's great. And you're making some money. And you're like, oh, my God, I got to go clock into my job for an hour and it's fucking fun. Yeah. Most people can't say that. Yeah. And you have that.

So when you go home, you're like, oh, I'm not getting paid for any of this. And I'm not the king. No one fucking gives a fuck. You're paying for it. Yeah. I would say that I've, that the sort of being, that hurdle that we're talking about, the block, if you will, of being being an available husband is, it is, it is tough for me to get out of I'm the most important into my family is the most important. I do feel that. But it isn't that we can always act the way that we feel.

And then some people mean they think, well, if you act that way, it means you don't feel this way. It's not always true. A lot of people can't sync those two things up. But my feeling is I would stop everything to be at home. I prefer, I'm lonely so much. I would prefer to be at home with my family all the time. I love them. I love that space.

I love what that space does for me. But when I'm transverse. over here, it's hard to act like I'm the guy who's now ready to sit down and get into some vulnerable space and eye contact and really go, hey, I'm your husband and I'm here and I'm your partner and let's, what do we argue about? Let's talk about it. Like, I'm just not great right now at being that guy. I want to be. And I think I'm such a better partner than I used to be because I was, my level of selfishness and narcissism about me and my career

and my success has faded so much in a great way. Yeah. But it's still something to work on, and it's still a tough, it's a tough hurdle, you know, for sure. It's diet and exercise. I think that's what it is. And it's honestly, for everybody out there who's exercising and you're like,

I just can't lose weight. You need to understand you have to actually stop drinking. And I know you're like, no, no, no, I have a mickle-old try. Stop it. Stop drinking any booze. Stop it. And see if that works. Try that for a month, see if that works.

Also, if we're doing this, we are doing deep seek. Say what? How will I die? Well, will it be claimed? It's 80% diet. Any weight loss or fitness is 80. I'm sorry to tell you. I know.

It's 80% diet. So you can. People like, I know, I'm going to run this off. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It does not matter. I don't know why we got here, but I'm so glad we did because we need. But you will feel better with the diet.

You could stop the working out and change your diet. And what is the diet and exercise of being a better partner? Probably better communication. Probably. saying probably because I don't want to fully admit it when we all know it's definitely But is communication Can that be I resent this?

Can it be negative communication? Do you think that helps? I think it's just as important Because that gives the other person some data they can work with. They can have some information. I don't open up all the time. I keep a lot of stuff in.

If I get upset about something even if it's wildly trivial, I don't want to talk about it. it and I think I hold some power by us not resolving the problem yet. And even in those moments, I'm fully aware how fucking stupid I am about it. And my brain's like, stay on this. Keep, don't you give in. This is the sweet spot.

Don't you let her win. And in my head, I'm like, I, this is not good for anybody. Like that, I think it's accepting some of these changes and actually implementing them. For instance, the going and apologizing to your kid, like, that's a, that is a massive moment. for them and you and it's you know it's the kind of thing you have to also be willing to step into with your partner and again i think i have improved massively uh in that field that field in that regard but i i still could go so much further uh in it it's the the um you can't believe that you're ever going to get crazy again yeah you go well no i'm never going to

to have the wrong idea. Yeah. And really. Rive it. Yeah. Yeah. In front of the house. Yeah.

I'm never going to. Every day. My wife's never going to do it. Mike, the kid will do it because they're irrational. Yeah. The adults, we're never going to do it. And we do it every day. Every day.

A couple times a day. Yes. You, the wrong idea and you can't, you cannot. get out of it. I know. And it's and I don't want to believe that it's going to keep happening. Yeah. Because what does it say about me? Because you think you're growing. Yes. And you go, why haven't I changed?

But if you keep acknowledging it and you keep at it, that's better than accepting it and just going, I'm a piece of shit. Yeah. Or maybe. Maybe you can change. Maybe eventually it fully kicks in. So. We'll see. We'll see. This was Rory Scoval. I've really.

really liked it, didn't know much about him. I made all that up, you still don't know anything. Cards close to the chest. He did this intentionally. I'm not married, I don't have a kid. I don't even do stand up. Who is that woman I met? Um, uh, hilarious guy, go follow him on social media.

Um, he doesn't understand. It doesn't mean you, you don't have to. Look, and go see him live because he really is like, I don't want to say like, these one of the best, say it say it these are good for my numbers the he is really one of the best live comics i've ever seen i genuinely mean that like you're gonna get you're gonna get some originality almost too original i agree um that's my next time i'm on the show that's my first block i'm too too good at stand-up worst going to