Bonanas for Bonanza - Bonanas For Bonanza Episode #47: “The Blood Line”

Episode Date: December 4, 2024

Subscribe to The Andy Daly Podcast Project at Patreon.com/AndyDaly Dalton and Mutt welcome Danielle Schneider of the Bitch Sesh podcast to discuss Bonanza Season 2, episode 15 - “The Blood Line”. This episode pits Ben Cartwright’s charm against a teenage boy’s ability to weild a gun. Golden Boot Award winning actor Lee Van Cleef is also on hand to bring his special brand of menace to the proceedings.Featuring Matt Gourley and Danielle SchneiderMerch: redbubble.com/people/ADPodProject/shopMail: PO Box 9407 Glendale, CA 91226Email: [e-mail]’s website: andydaly.comRecord date: 8/25/2023 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Get ready for the movie event of the year with Disney's Mufasa the Lion King. It's time I tell you a story. A story? About Mufasa and the prince who would come to be known as Scar. So glad I brought some crickets. Bring your whole family. Come on, Mufasa. Let's get in some trouble. On December 20th, a kingdom of adventure awaits.

We can do this. We're busy. Let's hustle. Disney's Mufasa the Lion King in theaters and IMAX December 20th. As a Fizz member, you can look forward to free data, big savings on plans, and having your unused data roll over to the following month, every month.

At Fizz, you always get more for your money. Terms and conditions for our different programs and policies apply. Details at fizz.ca. episode 47, which was released to our Patreon subscribers on September 6th, 2023. there as well as two bonus podcasts, access to the discord and more. Subscribe today and now enjoy this episode of bananas for bonanza. Yeah. Bonanza is a finest show alive. So consult your TV guide, Get your great outdoorsy side. Take some ponderosa pride and forever make it pride.

I'm bananas for bonanza. Hey, yee-haw! Beautiful! And Muck Taylor fires a shot in the air every damn time. I'm sure you noticed the ceiling is not in great shape. I got it to the point where when it rains, there's a hole for every raindrop. And so literally no water is left out. It just floods up.

Beautiful. What I like is it's almost like a million little skylights. Yeah. Yeah. It's like my own Pink Floyd's Lasarium at the Griffith Park Observatory. Oh, you got a lot of those syllables just right. Yeah. Can I ask you a question about it? Yeah.

Now, animals, do they come through the... There's tiny shots, but little muskrats and things can get through. Well, spiders seem to enjoy it. Spiders, little insects, little small little mammals like muskrats and little varmints like rats, mice and such. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know a rat can squeeze himself down to half an inch? Anyway, folks, this is bananas for bonanza.

Are you saying if I had a tracheostomy hole in my throat, a rat, if it's so inclined, could go crawling up my chest and into my larynx so as to make me speak. Manipulate my vocal cords. Yeah. No, the rat would be my voice. I would watch that movie every day. Every day. Well, that definitely could happen, but the question- Like, inner space. You'd have to figure out how to motivate the rat to do it is the only question. Yeah, it's Ben meets inner space. Ben.

Ben? Isn't that a movie with Michael Jackson saying the song about a rat? We've been through this before. It's a movie about a rat and Michael Jackson saying the theme song. I know that sounds fake, but it's real. In my opinion, if you have an animal named Ben, it's got to be a bear. Otherwise- I assumed Ben was a monkey.

Oh, interesting. Ben is a rat. Will, folks. Willard. Willard. That's another movie is a rat. Well, folks. Willard. Willard. That's another movie about a rat. Have we started? I apologize. We have started

and I just want to say we have a guest today on Bananas for Bananas. It's Danielle Schneider. Hello, Danielle Schneider. Hi, I'm so excited to be here with some real, you know, rootin' tootin' country folks. Sure, I'll take that compliment. I do root and I do too.

So it's fair. Well, Danielle, uh, Daniel, we was talking before that we got started. This is the first time you ever watched an episode of Bonanza. Yeah. You know, it's great. What Bonanza is great for amongst many things is that even though it's my first time watching it, I feel like I've seen a thousand of them. Oh, that's a good feeling. It's like it was there before time. It always existed.

You know, like a song that you've only, you don't even remember listening to, but you know all the words. Oh yeah. That makes you feel like you lived a pace life. Like the theme song to It's a Livin'. Yes, exactly. It's beautiful. But I really enjoyed it.

This was like putting on an old sweater or something like that. It really was. I felt the comfort of being like seven years old, watching TV that was probably inappropriate, not age appropriate anyway, and trying to infer things about characters like, that character is a sex worker. That's definitely a sex worker.

So like, I dream a genie. Well, really, just in Bonanza. Oh yeah, that's right. That's a little confusing. She, well, we'll get into it. We are talking today about season two, episode 15, which is called, dang it, I don't have my- Bloodline.

Bloodline, yeah. Bloodline, all right. Now I'm gonna, I got an email from somebody named Fabio. That's interesting. What? Fabio emailed you? What? I just opened up my laptop to find-

So you want to talk about that time he got hit in the face by a bird on a roller coaster? That's interesting. What? I don't know. Have you emailed you? What? I just opened up my laptop to find out. So you want to talk about the time he got hit in the face by a bird on a roller coaster? That's my first thought when I thought about it. I hear that's all he wants to talk about. That's all I can think about. Yeah. Can't shut him up about that.

Oh dang it. But when that happens to you, would you ever talk about anything else? No, I wouldn't. That's kind of a big deal. Thankfully there's footage of it. It's unusual. That was the beginning of social media.

Yeah, it was. Boy, you're not kidding. My God. Thank footage of it. It's unusual. That was the beginning of social media. Yeah, it was. Boy, you're not kidding. My God. Thank God for it. This episode has everything. It has gun deaths. It has half the regular cast and the strong suggestion of sex outside of marriage.

Not definitively said so, but don't you get the feeling that Diane and Luke was- Oh, for sure. And I, but I mean, can we talk about the episode? Absolutely. Well, why don't we do this first? What I usually do is I talk about the air date, what was going on in the country on the date that this episode aired.

And then we do fun facts about the cast. And then we get into the episode. Oh, well I want to do it all. I want to do it. Okay. All right. So first thing I got to say is happy new year. Cause this episode aired on December 31st, 1960. Are you telling me in the year 1960 you could watch this episode of Bonanza and then ring in the New Year all in one event? Can you believe it?

Wow, that was living. Yep. And there was no episode on the previous Saturday, because I guess in 1960 Christmas Eve was a week to the day before New Year's Eve. And that's a hallowed holiday where they'd put on sermons and such on television. Well, not quite. No? It was preempted for a show called Silent Night, how the famous Christmas Carol was written starring Douglas Fairbanks. I mean, Douglas Fairbanks.

Yeah. That's a big star. I'd watch that. He's a huge star. Yeah. And this was, I guess people really wanted to know how, I don't know how Silent Night was written. I can't believe that they did a whole movie about how it was written.

About the writing of Silent Night. Is this Douglas Fairbanks Jr.? No, I think Douglas Fairbanks. I think it must've been Douglas. Who, you know, who was a big silent screen star and was married to Mary Pickford, right? Oh yeah. That's right. And he's buried at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery.

You can go there. And they had a big mansion called Pick Fair. Oh, right. Where's that? Somewhere's maybe. So Silent Movie Star does a movie about Silent Night. I didn't even think of that. Thank you. That's probably how they sold it to him.

Yeah, interesting. All right. But so on this night on December 31st I was thinking to myself. I wonder what Bonanza is up against on New Year's Eve Is it like dead Clark rockin New Year's Eve and whatever? Well, you was at this particular hour 730 is when Bonanza was on you was either watching Bonanza or a show called Aqua lung adventures colon snorkels That was the competition. That's what it was all against. That's like up against like being in this day up against a Marvel show. You know what I mean?

Because that's like the future. Like not everybody was snorkeling. You know what I mean? Right, I guess that's right. So that to me, excuse me. Is an aqualung, is that the term for like some way of breathing underwater? I think that that's scuba.

I think so too. I have exactly 103 questions about that. Yeah, I do too. Is the colon imply that this episode's about snorkels, but next episode you might get scuba tank or even just like a hollowed out bamboo reed. That's how I took it. Okay.

Is this an ongoing series or is this a special New Year's extravaganza? Like is- Oh, interesting. I thought it might've been like a two-part series where one is scuba tanks and the other is snorkeling because that's pretty much the only that you raise your breed underwater.

Well, I wonder if this is weekly. Maybe it's weekly. If this is a weekly- Diving bell. A diving bell. A diving bell. And you're exploring the underwater with the help of an aqua long, as they called it back in the day. Yeah, I guess so.

If you wanted to watch New Year's Eve program and you had to wait until 11.15, from 11.15 to 1, they had New Year's Eve music and celebrations. Boy, they didn't realize. People are willing to tune into that at like, what is it now? 6 PM? They have a big host. Like, was Bob Hope doing it up right now? Oh, I didn't look people are willing to tune into that at like, what is it now? 6 PM. They have a big host. Like was Bob Hope doing it up? Oh, I didn't look that up. I wasn't too early for Dick Clark. Yeah. Dick Clark might have been around. I think he's later, a little later. I don't know. He's a turtle teenager.

Because I think 1960s is still like Eisenhower-esque. As we get deeper into the 60s, we get a little more rock and roll, per se. I guess that's right. Well, he's a... Probably Lawrence Welk then. Oh, yeah. That's a good call. Lawrence Welk. Lawrence Welk does New Year's. Lawrence Welk's rockin' New Year's.

Lawrence Welk's mildly rockin' New Year's. Lawrence Welk's waltzing New Year's, maybe. The number one movie in the country was Exodus. You ever hear of Exodus? Is that the Bible movie Exodus? Actually, no, I thought it was going to be, but Otto Preminger directed it. Paul Newman's in it. It's about the founding of the state of Israel and it takes place after World War II there.

Wow, now I want to watch it. Yeah, it sounds good. It was shot on the island of Cyprus during a Greek insurgency against British rule. So it was rather unsafe. Well, they never care. That's why we're on strike. That's right. That's one of the people that talk about that. There's the AI concerns and the streaming residuals. Having to shoot in the middle of a war zone.

Yeah. Don't make us shoot where there's an insurgency. That's why we're on strike guys. Yeah, and there was an issue that they were using a prop guns that was actual guns and they had to lock them up at night so the insurgents, the Greek insurgents could steal them to use against the British. Well, that's more than they did on the set of rust.

I was gonna say, this is not, you know, this has been a problem for years. Right, yep. This is not wrong. Apparently, Paul Newman and Otto has been a problem for years. Right, yep. This is not wrong. Apparently Paul Newman and Otto Preminger didn't get along. And this is an example of it, but it sounds like this was all in good fun. Anyway, this is what it says,

right straight off of Wikipedia. Newman hid a mannequin on a high balcony on which he was due to play out a fight scene. At the end of the scene Newman pretended to stumble and threw the mannequin over the balcony. Not realizing this was a practical joke, Premager collapsed and required medical attention. I mean, that just sounds like the set of Ocean's Eleven. I know.

So clean, fun. A bit of a prankster on the set. A real Clooney, if you will. Newman was the original Clooney. Yeah. But I mean, that's no fun. If you're the victim of a practical joke and you literally collapse and have to be taken

by ambulance to the hospital, you're no fun. Right. That's on you, Otto. Real party pooper. Yeah, exactly. What's he in the hospital for? Being a pain in the ass. Was Otto Preminger, am I thinking right?

He played Mr. Freeze in the Batman television show? Oh, I think you are right. Wow. Isn't that weird? I didn't know that. Yeah, that is weird. Well, it's like, directors are acting these days. Who have we seen take a Martin Scorsese, or take an old turn? Oh, Sidney Pollack. Oh, Sidney Pollack and Tootsie.

I mean, my God, a great performance. How about Eyes Wide Shut? Eyes Wide Shut, he's good. I just saw when Jeff Becomes, her too. He's amazing. Wow, I gotta watch that. I just saw when Death Becomes Her too. He's amazing. Wow, I gotta watch that movie again. Good. Death Becomes Her?

Yeah. He says it holds up. I just saw it. Been a minute since I've seen that. Uh-huh. The number one country song, still, Wings of a Dove by Ferlin Husky. I don't know that.

Yeah, I found a video of him singing it and he came off like an asshole. I wish I had it to show you. Well, maybe it made it. Chugging bodies off balconies and whatnot. He's just, there's something about him is very confident. You don't like confidence? I don't like a confident performer.

I thought cowboys were confident. Like that's their whole thing. I like a quiet confidence. Oh, I get it. You're like more of like the Duke. Hell yes. Thank you. I appreciate that comparison. The number one song in the country was still Elvis Presley's Are You Lonesome Tonight. Wow, that deserves it. Yes, but now I want to tell you that a listener reached out to us, a fellow by the name of Brian

Doodly Dudley or something. His name is Doodly Dudley. I think so. Well that's the perfect listener for this program. I guess, yep. But he alerted me to the fact that there's another podcast hosted by a fella named Malcolm Gladwell. You heard of Malcolm Gladwell?

Yes, it sounds familiar. Okay, he done did a whole special episode of his podcast all about how Elvis could never get the words right to argue lonesome tonight. There is no live recording of Elvis singing that song where he gets it right. Particularly the speaking section. And so they spoke to a psychologist recording of Elvis singing that song where he gets it right. Wow. Wow. Particularly the speaking section.

And so they spoke to a psychologist about what it was about that section that might have been so- Oh for fuck's sake. I let the man rest. I let the man rest. Yeah. You so out of topics, Malcolm Gladwell. And also, Malcolm Gladwell was always consulting a psychologist.

I know. That's true. That's true. That's true. Maybe he just didn't have his 10,000 hours singing the goddamn song. Let him have some time. Give him a break. He died young. Refer to one of your earlier books, Malcolm.

I know. Well, he's very excited in the episode, I'll tell you. Then we get, oh, celebrity birthdays. I often have a difficult time finding a legitimate celebrity who was born on the date that this episode aired. But this time, left-handed Australian tennis player Broderick Dyke was born on December 31, 1960. Now, as a person, I grew up in what you would call a tennis family.

Oh, you did? My dog was named Chris Everett Lloyd Schneider. What a beautiful tribute to Chris Everett Lloyd Schneider. What a beautiful tribute to Chris Everett Lloyd. It's always kind of a backhanded compliment, maybe name a dog after some of them. Well this is the family I grew up in. We were very into tennis and so I knew all the players. You did. So you must be a big fan.

I have never heard of this person. What, Broderick Dyke? Never, have you? Oh, he's a huge celebrity in the world of left-handed Australian tennis players. I've never heard of this player. Well, here's why, he excelled in doubles. Okay, well, we aren't really watching the doubles

unless it's the Williams sisters, or Chrissy and Martina. What would you call Chris Everett Lloyd Schneider when you just wanted to quickly say here? Well, her full Christian name was Princess Christina Everett Lloyd-Schneider. Oh, she was a princess. She was royalty. She was royalty. All right.

But we call her Chrissy. Okay. Chrissy. Come here, Chrissy. Yeah, come here, Chrissy. Come here, Martina Navratilova. Gorley. I mean, Taylor. Come here. Come here, Jimmy. John McEnroe. Don't be angry. Don't bite John McEnroe. Oh man. Yeah. That guy's nuts, right? Right.

John McEnroe. So there's, oh, I looked at the old New York Times and I found one good headline. Mrs. Kennedy watches as husband plays golf. I thought that was... Watches bonanza? No. What? Watches her husband play golf. I thought that was a watch his bonanza. No, what? That's not so far from what the daily mail calls a headline in this day and age New York times. Yeah. I don't think I've seen it anymore, but, but the daily mail is always like, she walks to get coffee with those legs.

I guess so. But this was news to them that she was watching her husband play golf and he was playing golf with Oleg Kasini. Oh yeah, of course I know. Very famous. Like I feel like on The Price is Right, they used to be like, and you could get this wonderful bathroom from Oleg Kasini. Oh yeah.

Maybe some of the suits were provided by Oleg Kasini. His first name is always in the crossword too, speaking of. Oh yeah. They love him and Eastside Morales. He was very glamorous in that sort of like time. Yeah. That's right. And the only thing, at some point I thought,

I must be able to find predictions that people made in 1960 about life in 1961. Well, I couldn't, except for in the style section of the goddamn New York Times, which is no place a cowboy ever should find himself. But there I was, there was a headline that said, no radical changes do in silhouette or hem length. So.

And was that true to that bear? Well, that's what I don't know. I'm not sure what constitutes a radical change in silhouette or hem length. But. Well, what they didn't see to come, and I can talk to you about fashion. Yes, yes, yes, yes they didn't see to come, and I can talk to you about, is that in the sixties, I mean later, not in 61, but later we had some real changes in hem length.

I mean, the skirts went up, the, the, the gene length went, you know, to the bell bottom. They were really going to see some changes. So that's interesting that they, they,'s interesting that they were tracking the potentiality of radical changes in hem length, but they were way ahead of it, I guess, because it didn't happen for some time. Which direction are our hems heading in currently? A good question. That's a great question. I don't have the answer.

They're all over the map. I think up. You think they're going up. You think we're going up? I think cuffed baggy trousers are going up. Oh, you're talking about the hems on long pants. Oh, you're just talking about skirts. We're just talking about, you know, moral hems. Oh, yeah. Oh, well, moral hems have disappeared. We are naked as Adam and Eve. Long gone.

Hey, it's Mitch from Side Note Podcast, and I'm here to tell you about the new Google Pixel 9 Sinners. Gemini to give me summaries of my inbox, which is a lifesaver. And if I'm feeling stuck creatively, I just ask Gemini for help and bam, instant inspiration. You can learn more about Google Pixel 9 at store.google.com. As a Fizz member, you can look forward to free data, big savings on plans, and having your unused data roll over to the following month, every month. At Fizz, you always get more for your money. Terms and conditions for our different programs and policies apply. Details at fizz.ca. So some fun facts about people involved in this episode. It was written in part by a guy named Miles Wilder, who was the nephew of Billy Wilder, the film director. And here's a weird thing I found about him. Billy Wilder's birth name was Samuel Wilder,

but he changed his name to Billy Wilder. He liked the sound of it. But he had an older brother whose name was William Wilder. Now that's gotta be, that's a little awkward. I've changed my name to a nickname for your name. You know what I mean? Yeah, I think that's an affront. I think it's an affront.

I don't think that's right. No, William Wilder was a film director too and his son wrote this episode of Bonanza. That's a tyrannical annexation of a sovereign name. Hear, hear, that's what it is and it deserves a violent response. Ha ha ha ha! But, William Wilder lived a long life.

I guess he never got his comeuppance. Yeah, especially for your brother to take your name and then make that name famous. Yeah. That's the thing. I know. That's fucked up. That's really fucked up.

That's like Hitler with the Sudetenland. Oh, how's that? What, no. Come again? No, you don't have to. I'm a World War II enthusiast. Come again. Oh, you are.

Oh, I love World War II. That was a good one, right? That was the best one. And they nailed it with that one. That's what I was saying. I don't need to explain that. No, you're right. I shouldn't have to be explained.

I'm sorry. I apologize. Okay, no problem. Jan Sterling played Diane in this episode. Now they introduced her. Yes, she got her own get started. She got her own card, as we say in the biz. Right, right.

And why? Was she some sort of famous actress that I hadn't heard of? She was. This is a, well, okay. So she won a Golden Globe and was nominated for an Oscar for The High and the Mighty. She was in a Billy Wilder movie called Ace in the Hole. She played Polly Sickles in Rhubarb. That's funny because I played Rhubarb in Polly Sickles. Wow. She was in a movie intriguingly titled, The Skipper Surprised His Wife. I can only guess what happened in that movie. He came home and she was dressed only in cellophane.

You never hear The Skipper Surprised His Wife? No. By cleaning the house. I want to know what happened. Want to kill you and give you some flowers, Skipper? We might have to watch that one. By him making dinner tonight. No way.

We might have to watch that one. You're making dinner tonight. No way. We might have to watch that one and find out. So she, well what happened was she married a fella, a very popular character actor whose name I now forget, but he passed away a year before she did this episode. And I think it was a little bit like, hey, I married a successful man, I quit.

And then he died and then she was like, I gotta get back out there. And her performance has that energy. Yes. Yes. I would say, I would say it's called a lily pad. A friend of mine told me something, which is like when a woman needs like kind of that thing

to float them. Oh, interesting. On to the next thing. Yeah. And it could be a marriage. It could be a guest spot on Bonanza. But a lily pad. A lily pad.

A soft landing. Yeah. Oh, I see what you mean. I see. Little fluffy cloud. The young man in this episode, David Macklin, he was 19 years old when he did this. I could not tell if he was 12 or 30. I know.

One thing I think is that he, seems to me that he had a big gap between his two front teeth and they filled it in with something. Is that what it was? I thought that he just had a cracked tooth and they just didn't give a shit about that stuff anymore. I didn't notice that.

You got a picture? Oh, I noticed completely. Yeah. Well, I'm gonna show you a clip. Okay. And maybe we'll see it in the clip. He says, I found an interview with him when he was an old man making the controversial choice to dye his hair and his beard. That's a tough one. It never goes right.

If you can, if you want, you can dye your hair. That's fine. When you dye your beard, you've got three quarters of a day before it goes bad. Just for men, makes it look easy. Oh, you're right, it does. On the box, that guy looks perfectly natural. Yeah, on the box, it just makes it look easy. What is it about it? Well, for one thing, your roots will show real quick,

but the bigger issue is, and you may not know this, but subconsciously, there's no such thing as a uniform color beard. Oh, maybe that's it. So when you see it, it looks like an old 60s GI Joe or something. That is what it looks like. So if you're going to do it, you have to put a little artistry in there and you

kind of got to streak it through or. Well, that's like highlights. It's what I do with my hair. Like this, I have highlights. I'm just, I'm going to tell you guys a surprise. They're not naturally from the sun. Is that right? Interesting.

As my daughter says, I have real highlights. Mom, you have fake ones. Great. Careful. I like merch. She's going to annex your name. Oh, believe me, you have fake ones. Whoa. Great. Careful. She's gonna annex your name. Oh, believe me, we are at odds. But you have to kind of pepper them in.

You can't just like put them on a big street. You have to kind of like make it look touched by the sun. So you'd be smarter if you just have a little gray in your beard or put some, you know, like it should look like a person looks. Well, it's too late. He's dead now, but it'd be nice to tell him. Did he go on to do any other things?

He worked a bunch, but not in any big profile way. He had a lot of credits all the way up to 2008. He wrote a book about acting on camera. He was an acting on camera coach, David Macklin. Maybe you run into him. He was out here in California. He was a coach acting on camera. He says, and I believe him, well, first of all, he was on Gidget and the Munsters. He worked on Munsters. That's probably why he looks familiar. Yeah, yeah.

Because those were shows I loved as a kid. Yeah. When he auditioned for Bonanza, he went in and he did like half the scene and the producer said, that's it, you got the part. Whoa, I'm hiring you to stream. As they say, they bought it in the room. Yeah, but then he walked out of the room,

there's 20 other young guys out there waiting to audition. And he says it never happened to him before or after in his career that anything like that happened. But he said that through the rest of his career, he'd run into those guys all the time because they're all the same age, same type. And they'd say, you're the son of a bitch that got hired in the room while I was sitting

in the waiting room. I mean, that's crazy. That doesn't happen. I have had my version of that. Oh, you have, well, unless you're- Just I was sitting in the waiting room. I mean, that's crazy. That doesn't happen. I have had my version of that. Oh, you have, will you? Just as the person in the waiting room. Oh, okay. You've been on that side of it.

You've been on that side of it when you've heard, and I'm sure people you know have heard this too, which is someone goes in before you and they're just like, hi, I don't know. And everyone's laughing. They love them. Misery. They are like, so good to don't know. And like everyone's laughing. They love them. They are like, we so good to see you, you know, Jennifer

and like just, and they came and then they come out and they are just like, they're really nice in there. Oh man, oh man. And that's, I feel like that's my version of what happened to the people in the waiting room. I'm trying to hear that. I just get up and leave. Oh, they're nice. No way. No fucking way. I'm trying to hear that. I just get up and leave. Oh, they're nice?

No way. No fucking way. Forget it. I'm not going in there. I'm gonna buy myself lunch. I'm gonna sit by myself at a restaurant table. Yeah. I think, I guess the cowboy equivalent of that

is when you're interviewing for a job to Russell Cattle and you go in there and you say, I can do the job of 20 men and they believe you. And then they don't hire the rest of the guys they were thinking about hiring. And then you're stuck doing the job. Then you're stuck doing the job of 20 men. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So don't do that. But that's the cowboy equivalent. I apologize for this quick tangent, but you mentioned the Munsters. And I saw on Amazon Prime, they've got a special, I might've mentioned this, where the Munsters go to, I think it's like opening day of Marine land here in Southern California, which was like our sea world really

It's just the Munsters at Marine land. Oh boy. We ought to watch it. I think we should too I'd love to see them cavorting about with killer whales. Yeah. Yeah monsters. It's like It's like that movie where they do that expose a called like black shark movie where they do that expose called like Black Shark or Black Fish. It's probably a lot like that. Yeah, Black Fish, the documentary came out the same year that Black is the television show did. Nobody could tell them apart. Nobody could. Really? Nobody could. Just the title you mean?

Sitcom about abused ocean whales? That's the one, the ABC sitcom about killer whales. Wow. This is a territory I have no familiar with. You didn't know about that? No. Well, all right. We're going to check that out. I'm up two minds on the monsters. I do think that hermit monster is funny, but I don't think we should be laughing at monsters because it's serious business.

That's true. That is true. That Marine land, I believe, is now the Trump golf course. Oh, really? That's the same land. Really? It is. Make that of what the Trump golf course. Oh, really? Land. So it is. It is. You know, make that of what you will. Interesting. Yeah. They built that on an orca burial ground. Well, I bet it's haunted by the ghosts of orcas. Yeah. God damn.

Oh, my God. Idiots. This episode also featured a true legend of Western film making Lee Van Cleef as Appling, Golden Boot Award-winning Western actor. He, I knew him because he's such a familiar sight. Like I didn't know why I knew him or how I knew him, but I was like, is he in a Hubba Bubba commercial? We have watched Hubba Bubba commercials in here. Somebody did. Yeah, because I feel like it had this, like that, because I just knew that actor. You know him older.

This is the first time I've seen him this young. But he's always looked the same. Even though he is probably 40. Oh, I bet he's in his early 30s. You think so? That's what scares me. Oh my goodness, are we gonna play Guess the Age of the Guest actor?

Because I think he was always meant to be old. It's weird to see him young. We haven't done this in a while. Because there are those actors that when they finally hit 60, like you're like, they've been, like Wilford Brimley is another actor that was like, oh, he's always been 60. So he just aged into himself.

Well, he was cursed with eternal life, but not eternal youth. It's terrible. Eternal life, but not eternal youth. Patrick Stewart always. Eternal life but not eternal youth. Patrick Stewart always looked old. Yeah. Okay, wait, don't reveal it. We're gonna quiz him.

Okay. So this episode was 1960, so Crier's a little math. I am surprised. How old do you think Lee Van Cleef was in this episode? I'll say 34 American years old. You're real good. That's about right. I thought he was like 40.

He's 35. Really? Okay. Really? But he still looked. They all did. They all, I mean, everyone looked. Grizzled. Grizzled. And again, there's so much tan pancake makeup

going on back then. It reminded me of like when I watched West Side Story, where like, you know, like no matter if you were a Puerto Rican or, you know, an Irish Catholic as a lot of the Jets were, everyone had the same pancake. It was just piled on and I wasn't sure if in Bonanza they're doing, cause like these are cow herds and cow boys and that they're out in the sun all day. So we're going to, because the one woman who is not part of the regular cast, there's not, and if you look, she could be though, the way the episode ends, it sounds like they're joining the world. Yeah. Well, no, no, no.

No room for a regular woman in the cast. I mean, even in the bar scenes, you can't find a woman, but everyone except her had on an intense amount of bronzer and she was pale as driven snow. So I was like, why did she have her own makeup artist come? Because she was a famous actress. So she did not like that. These are the questions I have.

She said, I don't want to look as orange as the boys. Everyone looked crazy. I have it on good information that speaking to West Side Story, the Max Factor makeup store in their turf, the turf went right through the middle of it. So they got their same- Is that what it was? That's what- So the sharks and the jets?

Uh-huh, went to the same Max Factor. Maybe that should have brought them together instead of twang them apart. I know, yeah, man. These folks in these, they didn't see 4K coming. You know what I mean? HD, 4K, they didn't see 4K coming. You know what I mean? HD, 4K, they didn't realize we was gonna be able to scrutinize their makeup. But Lee Van Cleef, Quentin Tarantino says

is one of his favorite actors. He dedicated Kill Bill 2 to Lee Van Cleef. I did not. Quentin Tarantino did. He was in High Noon with no dialogue. This is his only bonanza, but he was in six episodes of the Schlitz Playhouse. That's unusual.

Schlitz? Yeah. Schlitz Playhouse. Come up multiple times on there. Wow, Schlitz Playhouse. It was a real feeder to Bonanza, the Schlitz Playhouse of stars. He was in, man,

the man who shot Liberty Valance, how the West was won for a few dollars more, the good, the bad, and the ugly. He was so chiseled, this man. I think that's another reason he's so ageless is there were just so many bones in his face. He had more bones in his face than you're supposed to. He's known, yeah, he did.

He had like, you know how your patella moves on your kneecap and your little chin patella? Yeah, your chin patella. Yeah, chin patella. Weirdly enough, I wasn't going to mention this, but he got into a car accident and lost his left kneecap. Strange that you brought it up. And they put it in his face? Oh, they must have. Well, maybe they look in his face, that's where it went.

Oh, that's what happened. They can move up. They said, buddy, we found everything in the car. We found your glasses, your keys, but we could not find your patella, my friend. We had to give up. And it's in his face. Does he have a replacement patella, or is he just walking around without a kneecap?

All I read on there was that he lost his kneecap, and they told him you'll never ride a horse again. Six months later, he was back in the saddle. Oh, Lee Van Cleef. Back then, they didn't listen to doctors, no how. Hell no. You underestimate Lee Van Cleef at your own risk. He also, as said on IMDB, he lost the last joint

of the middle finger of his right hand while building a playhouse for his daughter. Was it the Schlitz playhouse? He was building his daughter a Schlitz playhouse like any good dad. Shouldn't drink with you. He lost the finger or just the joint? What's up with him and the little joints and kneecaps?

And he always resented her for it. That's what I'm thinking. I'll bet. Yeah, he never let her forget it. Why don't you get up there? How come you never play in that playhouse anymore? Take a look at my hand. You owe me one phalange.

Get up there, damn it. He was also in a movie called, here we're going to play a game here. His movie was called Mean Frank and Crazy Tony. Can you guess which one he played? I'm gonna guess Mean Frank. I'm gonna say Crazy Tony. It was Mean Frank, you're right!

I thought it was Mean Frank. He was meaner. He's more mean than, I think Crazy Tony was played by more of a comic. Oh yeah, oh I should look at that, sure, all right, we're gonna find out. Let's guess who, what year is this? Let's guess who would Crazy Tony be.

I think it's more like a 48 Hours, you know what I mean you know what I mean? Like you got me, Nick, Nick, crazy Eddie Murphy. So like somebody like Milton Berle. Let's see. Me and Frank and crazy Tony, what year? 1973. Okay. So crazy Tony, let's go. Alan Arkin. Well, that's pretty good. I was thinking that because I was thinking of the in-laws. Uh, well, I'll guess crazy Tony, crazy Tony. And if it's leaving in Cleveland, it's probably not going to be a A-lister. Right?

Bill Cosby. I'm sorry to tell you, I haven't heard of anybody in this movie outside of Liebman Klee. Okay. Then just tell us who plays crazy Tony. Tony Lo Bianco. Yeah. Tony Lobianco. Yeah. Tony Lobianco, yeah.

You know him? I know the name. I don't know anything about him. It sort of sounds like LaBianca, which are the people that got killed in The Mansons. That's right. Maybe that's who I'm thinking of. Is he related?

Yeah, that's it. Yes, tragically killed by The Mansons four years before this film was made. That's sad. All right, so let's see here. Where was I now? All right. Norman Leavitt played Burt in this episode. And this is the second time we've seen Norman Leavitt in an episode of Bonanza. This is wait, really? Yeah. Okay. I thought he was more of a regular.

Oh, the shopkeeper. You might think so. No. In fact, the town, you know, I don't think we've ever seen the same bartender twice. Like in the Gilmore girls, not to bring up a competing show. There is no Peach Pit in Virginia Sea. You know, in the Gilmore Girls, there's the, you know, the woman who runs the car place, the guy who runs the coffee shop. You have your townsfolk.

I know, but last time he was on the first episode of the second season playing a character called Rudy the Telegrapher. This time he's a shopkeeper. Next time we see him he will be Ramsey the Telegrapher. After that he will be Al the Telegrapher. I think you know why they did that. And again not to go union on everybody. I know what you're saying. Is that when you have a recurring character you have to pay them more. You have to pay the writers again for a reuse of character. Oh, they created a character.

And so, and then you have to pay that actor more for reoccurring. Those dirty sons of bitches. So, guess guys, not to get all pro-union again, but they've been doing tricks from way back. Because all I thought was these guys are so lazy, they didn't go back and look at what they named him last time. No, I think she's right. I think it was Union Mustinby. Oh, poor Norman Leavitt.

Cause I was thinking of Rudy the Telegrapher, Ramsey the Telegrapher, Al the Telegrapher, and then Telegrapher. Oh, how dare they couldn't even think of another name. They were just like, oh, there's no more names. He's just Telegrapher. What am I, a writer? I can't come up with five names.

He was also in a movie. I think we talked about this some other time. Well, I guess the last time he was on on and I still don't know what this movie is about, but the title of the movie is boy, did I get a wrong number. Any movie back then. I've, I've tried so hard to sell movies and they'll make, I was just born in the wrong era because I know that's my problem. He was also in a movie called Captain Pirate.

That's late. What? Captain Pirate. That's like an improv job. Yeah. Yeah, that's about right. All right, last one I want to tell you about Luke Grayson, fellow who only gets one scene up top.

He had a long and storied career as a Western actor. He was Red Ryder. And Red Ryder had a young Native American boy sidekick named Little Beaver who was played by Robert Blake. Whatever happened to Robert Blake? Oh, you don't want to know. I'm not going to be the one. I can't. I don't want to be the one to break that news to you. All right. But his went on to play Beretta. Don't worry. Oh, really? Yeah. And then, you know, and then everything was great.

Okay, good. But let's talk about Phil Spector. Just out of nowhere. Yeah. But this guy's last job, this is crazy. He was the voice of Mr. Ed for 145 episodes and he was never credited on screen. And I'm wondering if that was something he asked for. That's a great question.

Because though, you know why is that every episode it'd be Mr. Ed, then Mr. Fred, then Mr. Ramsey. And then it would just be horse. Horse one, horse two, horse three. They can't think of that many names. They'd dig them over again. Well, anyway, there's our cast. That's who we're dealing with

as we head into this episode of Bonanza. You ready to get into it? Can I ask one more question about the horse? Maybe it was because so many kids watched it, they wanted the kids to believe that it was actually Oh, that could be. And the voice of Mr. Ed is provided by Mr. Ed the horse, you idiots.

Yeah. Just putting that out there. It could be. As a parent. Well, all right. Let's recap this son of a bitch. This episode is brought to you by Google Pixel. I'm Jessi Krigsjank.

I host the number one comedy podcast called Phone a Friend. I also have three kids. I need help making every day easier. So I switched to Google Pixel. It's a phone powered by Gemini, your personal AI assistant. Gemini can help you summarize your unread emails, suggest what to make with the food in your fridge, and it helped me achieve a family photo where everyone is smiling at the camera. I didn't think it was possible, but it is with Google Pixel 9. Learn more at store.google.com. Miami Metro catches killers and they say it takes a village to race one.

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He's got to have booze. He's shaking. He's shaking. He's sweaty, glassy-eyed. And Paul, Paul knows how to deal with an addict. He says, hey, you want to come join us for breakfast? He makes an attempt. He really does.

He really does. Yeah. But Luke ain't having it. And he fires a shot at Ben Cartwright. Can you believe that? I mean, now the Cartwright family has brought up a lot. Oh yes, they're well known in these parts. For what? Well, they own most of California.

Is Virginia City in California? Virginia City is actually, I believe it's in Nevada. They have a piece of land that is now Lake Tahoe area, like Northern California, Northern Nevada. Right along there is where the Ponderosa was. And they own a tremendous amount of land and they're quite wealthy raising cattle and trees. They're raising trees? They're raising trees. Ponderosa pines. They're the most benevolent mob. They're kind of like nice yellowstone. Okay. I haven't watched that show, but- Do yourself a favor and don't.

I know. I've heard that as well. They're very virtuous. And it's just so you know, it's a, uh, Lauren Green is the father and he has three sons by three different wives who all died. Oh, that's why there's no women in the town. The town. It's, this is a sci-fi show. It does seem like if it's very rare to have a more than one woman with a speaking role. You only saw this one. Yeah. I looked in the streets. I was like, believe me, cause I started to notice it and then I had to freeze.

Did you check the brothels? I checked. Well, she is the one person. She's a saloon gal and they never say it in these type of shows or movies. I remember, you know, from movies, the past, you know, like in gone with the wind, Bell, Watling, you know what I mean? She's always the best dressed person. So in olden times, uh, working women, uh, sex workers were, were the best dress, the best dressed person. So in olden times, working women, sex workers, were the best dressed, the best makeup,

and they lived in a gorgeous, like, boudoir over a bar. But she seems to be the only one in this town. So I assume she's busy. I assume she's got a monopoly. We should try and break it. Well, it's not a monopoly. They also run through fast. Well, it's not a longevity type of career. She invented the drive through.

Yeah, well, I bet. Because this is, I assume, her first and last episode, but there's no other women in the town. Well, in the last episode we watched, the saloon gal was strangled to death by a strong man. Most of the women did. Not survive the full run of episode. I don't think so.

I mean, that is true of the Old West, to be honest. But, and that's why we have to unionize. Oh man. Women? Yeah, women's union. Right, yeah, I looked in the bar, I looked in the, in the, in the haberdashery, I looked in like the, the five and 10.

You know where you didn't look? Michael Landon's dressing room. Well, Michael Landon was in a different God damn episode. He couldn't get out of the dressing room. Furious, furious. Ion's dressing room. Well, Michael Landon was in a different goddamn episode. He couldn't get out of the dressing room. Furious. Furious. It's unfortunate. He was written into the episode, but he couldn't get past all the women lying up in the hallway

outside his dressing room to get into his lives. As a fan of Paul Ingalls and of Highway to Heaven, to promise Michael Landon at the beginning of the episode with a card and a face and a theme song playing and then to not deliver on the promise of the premise. Well, he and Adam were on a roundup. And also I think we're still getting some scripts that were not written for Bonanza, but used for Bonanza, if that makes sense. Yeah. Sometimes there's scripts for this show that seem like they could have been written for any number of other Westerns or science fiction shows,

and they kind of retrofit it to Bonanza, but they can't accommodate all four boys. But they don't even mention where he is. They do, they do. When they're talking about bringing the boy back to the Ponderosa, one of the considerations is that Adam and little Joe are off on a roundup. They're rounding up the cattle. Well, I was kept waiting for his big entrance. Oh, I'm sorry. I should have let you know ahead of time that frequently only half the cast shows up for him. I mean, we barely got any Hoss in this either because you got a lot of Hoss. Yeah, but not Hoss in action.

Oh, yeah. Typically, you get Hoss wrestling. No, I want to ask you a question about Hoss. Okay. All right. All right. Let's hear it. What's wrong with Hawks? What's wrong with Hawks, what you mean? He's a gentle giant. They make him act in a way.

Anytime they put in a one shot on Hawks' face, he looks like he just woke up. His eyes are not straight. He just always like, like, like his eyes are not straight. Not like he's just looks like a dumb dumb. Well, his brow is usually furrowed in confusion at the world around him. And his eyes sort of disappear. And yes, yes. So that may be what you're having trouble with.

He ain't the smartest person. However, two episodes or so ago, they did a complete ripoff of of Mice and Men, but he played George instead of Lenny. Yes, it's true. Yes, it's true. You're right. He was the George too. I will say this because I thought, okay, I know who this character is. I see he's a big dumb guy. I've seen this, you know, Mr. Edwards, Commedia del Art. I've, I know this character from years back, you know, but then he's the only one talking sense sometimes. Well, isn't that something? Isn't that out of the mouths of babes?

Absolutely. What's happening? So I was sometimes confused. He's so simple-minded he sometimes comes out with just the right answer. He sees things purely. And he's Lorne Green's son? Yes.

Even though they're possibly the same age. Oh, well, yeah. They're about seven years apart in reality. So, okay. And he's not even the oldest son, right? No. He's the middle son. He's the middle son. Yeah, Pernille Robert's older son. Yeah. He has baby teeth. He does. Well, anyways, Paul has no choice but to gun down Luke there in the notions shop. And then we have a stagecoach coming to town. And did you spot it this time? Or it's, just about every episode of Bonanza, there is the exact same establishing shot of Virginia City.

They just reuse it in every episode. And it features in the foreground, a Native American fighting with somebody else over a jug of alcohol. God damn, I was looking forward to this episode. You were? I think I looked in the beginning and it wasn't in the very beginning.

Wow. But one thing I noticed this time is that one thing that happens in the shot is a stage coach passes through. And so it was perfectly timed, unusually perfectly timed, because there was a stage coach and then they go to that establishing shot

and the stage coach came through. Well, does the plot always arrive on the stage coach? Nope. The stage coach you don't see a lot because they had a higher separate guide. All of Fancy Island. Yes, that's what I was wondering. Oh, yeah.

I wish. Is that, is the plot delivered? The stagecoach, the stagecoach. Well, here we have a 16-year-old Todd, son of gunned down Luke and a fellow by the name of Appling who arrived on the stagecoach. And what they've learned, they've had plenty of time to chat, is that Todd believes his father is a big deal in Virginia City and Appling sees dollar signs. And so they're going to go find his father. Well, it turns out his father's dead. Where to place to find him is at the Undertaker's.

Who is Appling to him though? Just a fellow passenger. Okay. Passing through. Passing through. Yeah. I thought he was some sort of guardian or something. I thought so too. I think they just got to know one another on the stagecoach and Appling is a- And then shared an Uber coach from the train station. It was a ride share situation.

Okay. He was a son, Appling is a son of a bitch. He's a killer. He's got the smell of dead bodies on him, I believe, is what Diane says, which is, you could do something about that, take a bath. But they've come all the way from Boston for Christ sakes. And at The Undertaker is where old Todd learns that Ben Cartwright gunned down his father. And that's when Diane comes in and she has a hard time explaining

to Todd who she is in relation to his father. I was his, well, nevermind. What was she going to say? Girlfriend? I thought she could have said girlfriend or a special friend. Special friend, I guess. Substitute. Well, I will say Diane, who my daughter's middle name is after. Oh, named after this character. This woman you've never seen. No.

Impressive. Yeah, just a prolific sex worker that my daughter was named after. But she is so upset in the first scene, in the cold open, as we call it, when she's like, you killed Tim Ben. Yeah, yeah. To go from death to that moment was wonderful. Oh, I see. You appreciated her.

I appreciated her acting in that. Okay, good. Well, she's an Academy Award nominated actress. Well, she deserved it. And then in this and her trying to tell this boy who she was to him, it was complicated. And I thought she was doing some good acting. Okay, good.

Speaking of great acting, I'm gonna show you now a little clip from the funeral scene where it's not a big deal, but the preacher muffs his line and you could tell he thought he was going to get another take. Oh, I love it. It's small, but you could see he screws up and then he kind of gives up and I'm sure he thought he's going to get another take. Here it comes. It's like he was about to say, did everything he could to stop the bloodshed. And then he realized, no, it's not stop.

I keep saying stop, it's avoid. It's avoid. And he's like, okay, so we'll go again. And they're like, we're moving on. We're saying stop. It's avoid. It's avoid. And he's like, okay, so we'll go again. And they're like, we're moving on. We're moving on. Print. Print. Oh, that is so tough as an actor.

This episode was directed by Clint Eastwood. Yeah. It was directed by a guy who's directed a lot of these episodes. I want to see if I can get a close-up of the kid. It might be hard to get a shot that really demonstrates his fucked up teeth. Oh, I saw. Yeah.

I mean, I can't believe you didn't notice. They were very prominent. I'm disappointed in myself. Well, you're gonna- And especially in Hollywood, this is still the studio system, and you think they would have done the sort of Wizard of Oz treatment

on everybody that comes through the doors. They're always like, you're out of the woods, you're out of the talk, you're out of the knot. Like they- Griffin and Preenan curling their hair? They do, in the old days, yeah. Yeah, they all do.

Well, Todd now has inherited his father's guns. They never really explained to us what Luke Grayson's past was, but his guns used to be famous, they say. He used to be, I guess he was a real, I don't know what, a lawman or a famous gunman or something like that. He was important. He was important. And everyone seemed to think he fell from grace. Yeah.

Like he used to be something, he used to be somebody, a contender. Well now Todd has inherited his guns and he's decided as people did in the old west that he's gonna take vengeance on his father and he's gonna shoot down Ben Cartwright right here at the funeral. But he's made a strategic error because he's surrounded by armed men and so he would also die too. Anyways he ends up, oh it was the Undertaker who throws dirt in his face. That was honestly, good move. Great move.

Smart undertaker. Sheriff takes Todd into the, you know, he locks him up, but Ben Cartwright, I mean, I don't know. I don't know if I agree with Ben here. Ben just says, look, that poor boy can't sit in a prison cell until the judge gets back here in three weeks. He's a little kid. He's a scared little kid. All he did was try and shoot me with a, with a gun, with an unloaded gun, maybe even, he says, and it's not fair. Let's take him back to the Ponderosa,

put him to work on the ranch, make a few jokes at Hoss' expense, how much he eats. I'll put on the charm offensive. I found those so offensive. Those jokes, I was like, everything is at Haas's offense. It's so body shaming. I was very upset. Where somebody's trying to butter up one person at the expense of the third person. There's a lot of that going on. Again, like I was in the waiting room,

I've been on the other side of that and I don't like it. I don't think it's funny. Oh man. And I felt him. I mean, it's really proto housewives episode. It really is. Thank you.

Thank you for bringing housewives in. Yeah. Well, you can see Ben thinks, Ben has a lot of confidence that he's going to be able to win over this boy whose father he shot down. He really thinks he's going to. Yeah. I mean, it's, it's the hubris of men. I guess.

I will say, because to think, but I loved that he cared for this boy and said he shouldn't have to sit in a prison. His father just died. I don't know that putting him to work is the solution. Well, doesn't the boy like fresh air and horses? Well, yeah, but then let him just go out and ride on a horse.

Why does he have to make him shovel manure or whatever the case may be? Well, Ben Cartwright knows what's good for a boy. Everybody thinks a good day's work can solve anything. You betcha. Absolutely. And not just that, but a big meal at the end of it. It solves laziness, I'll tell you that much. Tell you that. That's true.

Haas takes over. He sort of becomes Todd's direct caretaker during the day. And this is the meanest thing I think anybody's ever said to Haas. Haas says something. Well, poor Haoss is saying, look at them pretty trees. And Todd's like, yeah, we got trees in Boston. That was cold as ice. And then Hoss is like, well, I guess I never thought of it that way. And then Todd says, guess there are a lot of things you never thought of.

Man, that's the first time I think in this show, somebody has kind of come out and called Hoss a dummy. Yeah. They call this kid a bad dude. Man, that's the first time I think in this show somebody has kind of come out and called Hawes a dummy. Yeah, they call this kid a bad seed at one point. And regardless of his dad being killed, I think he's got a little bad seed in him. He's got a chip on his shoulder even before his father dying, the minute before he comes to town. He's an East Coast son of a bitch.

Well, Boston guys, Marky Mark, the, you know, this city has made some bad boys. I agree. Yep. So, okay, what happens here? They leave Todd alone. Oh, he ain't gonna eat dinner. He says, did you think I'd eat at the same table

with the man who killed my father? In a way, I mean, he kind of has a point. This is like 24 hours later. Less than. Less. A lot does happen in 24 hours, I mean, he kind of has a point. This is like 24 hours later. Less than. A lot does happen in 24 hours, I have to say. I'm like, because I was asking myself personally, like, how many days have passed? And when he says less than 24 hours later, I was like, oh, it's only been, like, this

has been one day. Let him take his meal on the patio. Yes. Yeah, but so what happens then, Hoss brings Todd the food, and Todd is real upset, and they've got, oh, the sheriff has come by and said, hey, if you're gonna have him sleep in this room,

put a lock on the door. He's a goddamn convict. He's already, whatever. He tried to shoot you once, he'll try again. Yep, but Hoss can't bring himself to do it. He puts the boy to bed, but he can't bring himself to click that lock on the door Why I don't know cuz he's dumb cuz he's

He's got a heart of gold yeah huge huge heart of gold pumping just strenuously to keep Well sure enough Todd slips out in the night and finds a pistol. Well, there's a hundred shotguns locked up. Yes, that's right. And I was like, I love that they're showing us good gun care and maintenance. And I felt like because I hadn't seen a lot of that. And weapons hoarding. Yeah, well, but you know, that's the old West.

But I can't imagine anyone in the old West had these guns. I just thought it was good safety, but I don't think it was probably more about people stealing them. And I was thinking more about safety, but I thought it was good. Yeah, they got a whole wall full of rifles and they're all chained up and poor Todd can't get one to kill Ben.

But he finds a pistol in Ben's desk drawer, doesn't check to see whether there's bullets in it or not. Mistake number one. And then he tries, he makes a serious effort to kill. I mean, he pulls that damn trigger. Then he pulls it again. Two times he pulled it. So man oh man, he tried to kill Ben again.

And then he runs, he leaves, he says, you know, and Ben, you've never seen Ben this work. He's out of breath. He's in a real state. I will say, it took Ben a while to get downstairs. That is not a big house. There was a lot going on. The fact that Ben didn't make it down sooner? Well this episode, they're all artfully slow, but this one in particular. Well, Bonanza in itself is artfully slow.

Yes, yes. But didn't you feel like it took him a while to get down the stairs? Yeah, it did. He heard suspicious noises in his velvet red robe reading a book in bed. There's a couple of shots of him going, what the heck was that? But he doesn't move. He does not move. No. Well, but off he goes. Off goes Todd into the night on a stolen horse from the Ponderosa. They say, we're not going to give chase at night for heaven's sake. Well, first thing in the morning, we'll light out to Virginia City.

I'm sure he's gone there. Now, did you catch, there's a little bit of a interesting timeline issue here because we do see Diane in the bar that night, right? But then, here's how I explained it to myself. Oh yeah, okay, all right. There is a way to outflank. Because I had a problem with it.

I was like, but it's night. And then I decided the time had passed and Diane had spent all night drinking in the bar. That is what I think happened. Because what happens is Todd arrives at the hotel, which is attached to the saloon and it is broad daylight and the cart rides are now they're riding into town too. And she leaves the saloon and says good night and heads up to bed. But it's, I guess that's her lifestyle. Broad daylight.

Broad daylight. Because I was also had a problem with that. Cause I was like outside it's brightest day. And I was like, oh, they're telling us something about her character. Yeah. Well, does she works all night? She works all night.

I guess so. It seems like it's hard to get a good night's sleep in the daytime in Virginia city. Poor Diane. Well, all right. I guess so. It seems like it's hard to get a good night's sleep in the daytime in Virginia City. Poor Diane. Well, all right. Now Todd goes, he wants a gun. And so he ends up, there happens to be a convenient bucket full of axe handles with which he can

hit Burt over the head and knock him out and take a gun from Burt in the shop. Same shop where his father was killed. There is no bloodshed in this show because when somebody gets hit in the head, there is so much blood. There's a good point. And he seems to be even an axe handle. I realized at first I thought it was a baseball bat and I was like, well, that's a dead man. But then we see him stumbling later and he's just a little like, a little dazed, but no blood. No, no blood. It's a lot about like turning the lights off, you know, gunshots, turn the lights

off and axe handles turn the lights off sometimes, but that's what happens to him. And now Todd's got a gun. Not only that, this time he's got bullets. He's got bullets in his gun. He is once again, hunting down Ben Cartwright. He doesn't care that it was a justifiable killing. He's got bullets in his gun. He is once again hunting down Ben Cartwright. He doesn't care that it was a justifiable killing. He wants revenge. And there's no, well, there's a search party coming up. Everybody's looking for Todd. Todd goes in to see Diane. She gives him $500 in a check that he doesn't want. Well, he's so mean to Diane. Can we talk about how he's like, my dad would never associate with someone like you. Yeah.

Like I would be like, oh, fuck. Yeah. Yeah. Like I would not take that. She takes a lot of shit from a 16 year old boy. She does, and I'm like, if I'm a 16 year old kid, like come back when you've learned a little bit about life, okay?

Yeah. So I don't, like all she has done is been loving, kind, want revenge for her monster of a father who never treated her like she was anything, only yelled at her. And here he is like being like, I don't want your money. Like, how dare you? I don't know why she doesn't just shack up with Ben because there is precedent of Ben having a long-term affair with a woman of the night. Ain't that right? I think that is right. He's fallen for saloon gals himself. Yeah. Well, now, Appling, I

forgot, I didn't mention the first time he popped up. This is the second time Appling pops up and he says, all right, here's what, you pay me some money to kill Ben Cartwright for revenge for shooting Luke and I'll make a little money and you'll have the person dead you want to have dead and it won't be a 16 year old boy fucking it up. That's happening the whole thing. And now he hears, oh, this is when he's listening at the door. He has a line because he's heard about this. Oh, this is the best line I've ever heard on a TV show ever.

It's good. I wrote it down. He explains, she tries to give $500 to Todd and Todd doesn't want it and then he comes in and he knows about the $500 and he says, see I was listening outside your door. That's not socially correct maybe, but it's a way to find out things.

I wanna see the writers in the room because there was a scene there where they had to cut time. So this is what I've decided. So they wanted to overhear and she, the actress stopped everything and she was like, well, I would be upset if he overheard me. How would he do that?

Well, he has to, okay, we gotta make. He has to explain why he's listening. So she can get over the fact because she would be upset. So they're like, someone write something. So just so Diane is happy. Just to mollify this Academy Award nominated woman. Because she is like, my character won't do this. I'm off set.

Come to my dressing room when you've figured it out. Yeah, they feel like a character has to explain that listening is a way to find things out. Yes, it's so odd that it struck me as well. I was like, why is this included? You could have just said, I was listening at the door. You got a lot of things going on in here. You should do it.

Why were you listening at the door? Well, it's a way to find things out. I know it's not socially acceptable. Do you think they writers wrote it as a kind of obvious sort of, fuck you, here you go. And they handed it to her. For sure. She'll turn this down.

The six year old men. No, that'll do. That's good. The six year old sexist men who have no respect for this Academy Award winning actress who are alcoholics themselves. Of course. Definitely said fuck you.

Yeah. Well, so let's see here. Appling takes the $500 check. He goes down to the bartender and he's like, take this piece of paper and give me $500 goddamn dollars. And the bartender's like, I don't know what you're talking about. And then Ben Carr right happens to pass by. And he says, Ben, take a look at this. What's your opinion of it? And Ben's like, I don't know what you're talking about. And then Ben Carr right happens to pass by and he says, Ben, take a look at this.

What's your opinion of it? I'm sorry. I was listening. Sometimes people hear things to the side of the conversation just because it's they're close to that. Just in case you're not sure. It's not even a choice. They just happen to be passing through a public space. Have you seen these new ears I just got in?

They're a way to hear things. Well, Ben and Appling have it out a little bit there. And then, but, and Ben storms away and Appling, the coward that he is, pulls a gun on Ben's back. Luckily the bartender says, Ben, and Ben doesn't need any more explanation. He knows what's going on. And this is the fanciest shooting we've seen from Ben Cartwright, maybe ever. He hits the dirt and he fires on Appling from the floor in a quick turnaround motion and that's it for Appling. Crumples dead. Ben has now justifiably ended two lives in this episode. Man! How many lives has Ben ended throughout this series? We haven't kept track of him.

I mean, he's probably the nicest serial killer ever. Oh yeah. I'd say, would you say it's a fair assessment to say he kills an average of a person every third or fourth episode? I'd say. A lot of bodies. It's a lot of bodies.

So per season he's killing, how many episodes are there? It's like 20 something? No, they do like 31 episodes per season. 31, okay so he's doing five to six per season. There's what, 14 seasons? Uh huh. So yeah, he's a prolific killer.

You're right. He's probably edging up on 100 men killed. Yes, good for him. Suck it, Billy the Kid. Not to mention those three wives. Oh yeah, has anyone ever questioned? Oh we have. We have. At great length. Oh yeah, has anyone ever questioned? Oh we have. We have.

At great length. Mm-hmm, fishy stories. One of them died on a boat. I've heard datelines where men have killed less. Yeah. Date lines. Ben Cartwright. I would love a dateline.

If you two wouldn't mind doing a dateline. Oh, that's a good idea. Of the wives and you could do a lot of like, huh, you know, huh, the night was as dark as a California capital day. Oh, I like that. You know, like if we could have a lot of, you huh, you know, her, the night was as dark as a California cabaret. She smiled as wide as a three car garage. Cartwright blew his top, but not as too big. Yes. I'd love a Dateline exploration into the three rides of Ben Carr, right? In 2023, you could kill one wife and get away with it. It's the second one that people start to say, hey, now. Right?

But men always try. You know, they always feel like they got away with one, sometimes two. I listened to a Dateline once where a guy had had 10 wives and six of them had passed. Oh, that's a lot. But men always think, like I got- Was it Henry VIII? It was a date line. It was less of a date line and more of a history channel type of thing.

Okay, long ago date line. Well, now we get, okay, Appling is dead. Ben goes up to see Diane and Todd is there, but he goes out the window. We've never seen that before. He goes out the window and he's got his gun. He's, is he in a tree out the window? He's, and he's listening, but he never explains. He never explains why he's listening.

Yeah. What? Cause it's been, we understand as a viewer now, everybody understands how it works. Oh, cause Appling explained it to us. The exposition is done. Yes, yes, yes. I wouldn't mind hearing Todd say, I was listening to your conversation outside. I know that's not a good thing to do socially, but I did learn some things.

Scientists have now discovered that sound travels in waves. But Ben, now here we go. Ben just lays it out to Diane. He says, Diane, Luke, you loved Luke, but Luke didn't even know you were alive. That was some tough love. That was some fearless feedback from that. Fearless feedback. I like that. He said he didn't care about nobody but himself. You wasted your time on that no good man.

She needed to hear it. It was tough, but she needed to hear it. Who also needed to hear it was Todd, but he didn't want to. He jumped in that window with a gun, ready for the fourth time. I mean, the rule of threes went out the window. He's going to kill Ben again. I mean, this boy, OK, we've given him a few chances. They've been very patient. Three strikes was invented because of this kid.

Yeah, I guess that's right. But now, thank goodness, Diane, she's experienced a conversion. Up to now, she's been like, Todd, kill Ben Cartwright for killing your father, who I loved. But now, because of what Ben said to her, she's prepared to say to Todd,

yeah, your dad was no good, and those fancy letters he wrote you about how great he was doing, I wrote those letters. That was a surprise. That was those letters. That was a surprise. That was a twist. That was a twist to know, because I did think it's so convenient

why this drunk wrote his kid to come out. What, when did he have a moment of like a drunk, no offense, sorry, an alcoholic. Okay, that's nice. Or a person with an alcohol disease. Uh-huh, or a drunk. Sure, it's not gonna have a moment of clarity and write for their son, especially, like it just felt convenient.

And I, you know, and so, but then that twist was a real twist. She's been sending Todd money and writing letters. Yep. From the perspective of his father saying, I'm doing great. You should come out here. Cause she hoped that the sight of Todd would straighten out. She's the Cyrano de Bergerac of enablers. Yeah, she did enabler him.

She really was quite an enabler. We can't take away her responsibility in this. Right. Well, but that's it. That defuses Todd, I guess, right? Why couldn't she have said it? You know, we could have saved ourselves a few gunshots. That would have been nice.

After the first assassination attempt, what finally tipped her over? I mean, again, look, hindsight's 20-20, but... I think she realized, well, Appling is dead and Todd is no good at killing Ben Cartwright. I need to change tactics. There's no recourse.

That avenue has withdrawn itself. It's a purely technical decision. She does admit that she loved Luke, even though he was a bat. And she says he was a wonderful man. Such a rotten, lousy, stinking, wonderful man. Oh, you. Beautiful. Those writers may not be able to write auditory exposition, but they can write beautiful cowboy poetry.

And auditory exposition. Todd Comfort's Diane, Ben sees himself out. And then they have sex, because I did feel a... It did feel a little bit like that. She's gonna... I think what she sees in him is a potential wonderful version of his father.

Yeah, right. Oh yeah, he looks just like his father, but he ain't drunk yet. She's gonna to fuck that. They're using the same pancake. Using the same dark pancake make. They look alike. What? Yeah. What's the, what's the age of consent in the Nevada territory? The age of consent in Nevada territory is yes.

The age of consent in Nevada territory is you shut your pretty mouth. And you like it. Eight means yes. Exactly. Oh Lord. Well, so, but did you catch the last line of this episode? Now, Ben and Hoss, I don't know, yeah, and the sheriff are all in the lobby together and they're just- Do they have every episode together, those three?

No. Okay, just wondering. This is the- The sheriff, we don't even really. We don't see him a lot. I would think we would see him a lot with all the killing. Well, now this actor playing the sheriff is going to be in like 100 more episodes.

I was going to say, this actor too is like, and he's been in a bunch of stuff, right? I've seen him around. Yeah, he's good. But they're tying up loose ends. Paul is kind of saying, oh, he didn't steal my gun and let him off the hook for this and that. And that horse he stole, that was a gift.

And so all his problems are solved. And then he goes, tell him to take that horse and come visit us up on the Ponderosa and tell him to bring his new maw. That was the last line. Tell him to bring his new maw. So she's gonna to adopt him? I guess so. Because I'm pretty sure by the time he's saying that, they're fucking on.

I think what he means is that boy is going to go in and then as a child come out of her vagina. Oh, wow. I didn't think of that. That's the only thing I could choose. And in that process. Yeah. Because that, that, you know, wow. Yep. Anything can happen in Virginia City.

Yeah, and that's the happy ending of the episode. Wow, isn't it? It was beautiful. I mean, she was basically taking care of him and providing for him. She was mothering him from afar, I suppose. But if she had not sent for him, maybe none of this would have happened.

And so it's her fault. Oh, right. Yes, yeah. That's true. He probably would have been happier out there in Boston. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, well.

Oops. She could have done sort of more serino-ing, even though his father was dead, she could have pretended to be his dead father. Oh, yeah. That's true too. She never should have said, come out here. Ultimately, I think they're both better off though. Yeah.

They've got, they found each other and they're rid of a dark and terrible man. Yeah, but she's going to make a lot of bad decisions with men continuing on. So I don't think, I don't think her story is over. Well, we'll never be burdened with the knowledge of that because these two, even though they seem like they're going to settle in together in Virginia city

are never seen again by the viewers of Bonanza. Never again. They too are eaten up by the sci-fi creature that eats women. Exactly. In Virginia City. Well, I'm sorry to say that with this, there are now only 384 episodes of Bonanza left for us to talk about. How are you going to do a podcast with only 304? I know it was a bit of a mistake.

We should have probably go through three or four times. Yeah, I think you should. There's no way. Yeah. There's not enough. No, there's not enough. I know. But yeah, I think once we're done, well, our long range plan was to build up interest in

Bonanza over the course of this podcast to where they start making new ones. And how's that working out for you? Oh, well, the strike. It wasn't for the strike. I think it was all set to go. Oh, god damn it strike. It wasn't for the strike, I think. It was all set to go. The strike, god damn it, AMPTP. For all we know, Greenlit it. We don't know, but we have to assume.

But for all you do. We have to assume. All the conversations that have been happening in all them office buildings are not just on hold right now. It's god damn strike, god damn AI. Well, there you go. So any final thoughts? So I have a final thought that AI may be the only hope we have to see more

bonanza friends. So just be careful who you who you shit talk. OK. Hey, AI, if you're interested in writing any new Bonanza episode, get on it. If you don't mind casting me. Sorry, I said all those bad things about you. That's a good point. You know, actors and writers should start buttering up AI. You can scan my likeness for the cost of a background leak. I just went into that AI audition

and those AI, they're really nice. Really nice room. Really nice room. Oh man, AI will give you the job in the room. We crunch the numbers, you're hired. See it, I hop. Well, if you want merch, you're gonna go to adpodproject.redbubble.com and you can mail us stuff at our PO Box 9407,

Glendale, California, 91226, or email us at bonannaspodcast.gmail.com. This is always like a monthly reminder to me that we have an email account and I should look at it. Oh, yeah. I forget. Oh, yeah. I forget. But, and you got, you're doing all kinds of stuff now.

You got a podcast called Bitch Sesh and where can we find it? Well, we are now at our own network. You went solo. We went solo. Casey Wilson and I have a podcast called Bitch Sesh where it's a comedy podcast, but we talk kind of about Bravo shows

and Real Housewives and things like that. That's silliness. Yeah. Which is exactly like Bonanza. If you like Bonanza of about Bravo shows and Real Housewives and things like that. That's silliness. Which is exactly like Bonanza. If you like Bonanza, you definitely like the Real Housewives. The drama, the performance are equal. Equal amount of acting going on. Equal amount of drama.

And then we are at our own network called CaseyandDaniellesGarbageWorld.com. And so we have Bitch Sesh, we also have a new podcast called Garbage Sesh and a bunch of other live shows and fun stuff going on over at CaseyandDaniellesGarbageWorld.com. How exciting. That sounds great. Wow.

Okay. So we're all going to go over to Garbage World and check all that out. I want to tell you maybe off air, you have opinions about Jen and Shaw? All of them. All right, folks. I just listened to them. All right, then. All right, folks. I just listened to them. I can't believe an old Western, haggard, leathered, cowboy such as yourself keeps up with the housewives

of Salt Lake City. Yeah, I know, just that one, because there's somebody put out a podcast about it, and I listened to all about Jen Shaw. She's still running it, because here's the problem. I had to get rid of my phone because all the telemarketing scams I fought for. She's the one that ran the big scandal.

Yeah, she did. Oh, I know about her too. Oh, you both do. She really broke out. She's the breakout star. She's the breakout star. Is she in jail? Well, she broke, but she broke into prison.

Oh, oopsie daisy. Someone should, if they could break her out of prison, that would be the real breakout. Yep. All right, folks. Well, that'll do it. That's an episode of Bananas for Bananza. I'm gonna do our sign out

and then we're gonna skin out Young Guns 2 style. You ever see Young Guns 2? Of course I have. It has my favorite. Wanted dead or alive. Well close. It's got shot down in a blaze of glory. Oh sorry. We went down in a blaze. That's Ponjo. Yeah. I knew it had one of my favorite songs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, but here comes the sound out. Now get, bada, pow! Wow. ["Bananas for Bananzas"] Bananas for Bananzas brought to you by Andy Daly with Matt Corley. Theme song by Matt Corley with The Journey,

which in this case are Mark McConville, Daniel Michikoff and Wade Wright. Bananas for Bonanzas mixed and edited by Mark McConaugh. Executive produced by Andy Daly and Matt Gourley. We'll see you around. This episode is brought to you by Google Pixel. I'm Jessi Krikstank. I host the number one comedy podcast called Phone a Friend. I also have three kids. I need help making every day easier. So I switched to Google Pixel. It's a phone powered by Gemini, your personal AI assistant. Gemini can help you summarize your unread emails, suggest what to make with the food in your fridge, and it helped me achieve a

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