Bonanas for Bonanza - Bonanas For Bonanza Episode #54: “Vengeance”

Episode Date: March 5, 2025

Subscribe to The Andy Daly Podcast Project at Patreon.com/AndyDaly Dalton and Mutt are joined by a very special guest, Dalton’s niece Markie. They catch up, reckon with a severe generation gap and discuss their (not at all) shared love of Bonanza. Season 2, Episode 21, “Vengeance”, brings one Cartwright to the brink of death and another to the brink of murder!Featuring Matt Gourley and Lily SullivanMerch: redbubble.com/people/ADPodProject/shopMail: PO Box 9407 Glendale, CA 91226Email: [e-mail]’s website: andydaly.comRecord date: 1/31/2024 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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on February 7th, 2024. This is Andy Daly. Here on this free feed, we release an episode of Bananas for Bananza every other week. If you want to hear them earlier and ad free, 2024. Subscribe today and now enjoy this episode of Bananas for Bonanza. The great outdoors inside takes upon a rose of pride And forever may it Pride Bananas for Bananzas Talking about eeeeee Ha!

Shhh! Hot damn. Welcome to Bananas for Bonanza. This is the 54th episode of Bananas for Bonanza in which we will be discussing the 53rd episode of Bonanza. There's no way to sugar coat it. That's a problem. That's a damn problem.

The numbers is off. And we got it fixed and now we're back. What? Remember we got it fixed and then we messed it up again. We did, yeah. Because we watched a Christmas episode. Somebody recommended that we did two episodes of Bonanza in an episode of Bananas for Bonanza and that would catch us up.

That'd be too confusing. It'd be confusing. Because what about when, as inevitably every human would, goes to look for the individual episode on one of those two, they're not going to find it. Oh brother, there's just no way to do it. Sorry folks, we fucked up. Okay, but today, this is exciting. We're talking about season two, episode 21, Vengeance.

And we got a very special guest here for her to do this with us, ladies and gentlemen. This is my niece, Markey. Can you believe it? This is my damn niece here. Wow. I don't get to see her too much, do I? No, we like literally never talk.

Yeah, we don't talk very much at all. That's true. And I used to send over a Christmas card, but then it just kind of fell out of the habit. I don't even remember getting one. Oh, it would have been before you were born. That's funny, cause Markey and I talk all the time. We send letters.

I'm sort of what she calls me like uncle. I don't want to like, you know, you call him uncle Mutt I call him Unki Mutt. Unki Mutt. Well, that's adorable. I didn't know the two of you was carrying on like that Yeah, we have like a whole like basically a chat You do? Yeah, or you text you text to one another. Oh, yeah. Sure. We text we send little memes But you're not on the text thread with my sister and my brother and my grandma. Sure I am. You are? Oh yeah, he's on there.

And you're on there too? Are you on there? You literally never responded. This was the problem. I didn't have an iPhone and my things was coming up in green and I started getting all these complaints. Who's making it green? And I said, fuck you. Yeah. And I dropped off of it.

I mean, honestly, everyone's been really worried about you. They have been. Oh, well, all they need to do is listen to this goddamn podcast, find out every damn week, I'm doing great. Yeah. Doing fantastical better than ever. I don't know why I haven't bothered to tell them that you're just fine, but I just can't be bothered.

I'm enthralled with hanging out with Mark. Well, we like we don't really talk about that. So we don't talk. We were mostly like, it's just can't be bothered. I'm enthralled with hanging out with Mark. We don't really talk about that stuff. We don't talk. We're mostly like, it's just all jokes. It's all bits. You're making jokes on there. Hey, man, I love jokes. We live tweeted the succession finale. Remember that or live text?

Yeah, we live texted. I was like, can you believe it's mom's scam? Can you believe it's mom's scam? It's crazy. Was it just you believe it's mom's games? Was it just a succession spoiler? I ain't never heard of succession, but it could be that I'd hear of it and watch it. I don't think anyone, I mean, if you were going to watch it, you must've already watched it. You're not going to, you had to watch it in the moment. Yeah. You had to be there.

It was a cultural moment, wouldn't it? Just like Bonanzi is today to most people. That's true. I agree. I got the best of both worlds. Yeah, you do. You do. Now, Markey is, uh, staying with me now for a little while. I'm checking up with a lady by the name of Betty Lou. We talk about it on the bonus pod from time to time, but I don't believe we talk about mention Betty Lou here. She had hired me. We were talking about this last night over a bottle of wine market is a review

for you and for you, but for the listener, she had hired me as a dog sitter and I didn't really have some place to go after that. So I am still there. And now Mark is staying with us for a little while. Yeah, I'm staying with you guys. I got in trouble back home, so. What was the nature of the trouble you got into?

I was selling counterfeit bikinis. Wait a minute. To. What's a counterfeit bikini. Wait a minute. Two. What's a counterfeit bikini? Cause a bikini is a bathing suit that's got the two parts. That's right. Okay. There's a top and the bottom.

Right. And sometimes there's a middle. Huh? Song that she wore in itsy bitsy counterfeit-y, fruity toot-y, covered titties. No! No? I ain't never heard that song.

That's how it goes. That's how it goes. Itsy counterfeit bikini teeny. How. It's a counterfeit bikini teeny. How do you make a counterfeit bikini? It's just illegal bikinis. Well, how is it illegal? What's illegal about these goddamn bikinis for Christ sakes? It's just bikinis that like, it's just like,

they make people feel too much. So they- They make people feel, oh, you mean the person looking at them sees too much skin? Yeah, exactly. Oh, I see. It's a too revealing of a bikini? It's, well, I mean, it could be lots of things.

Maybe there's too many bells and whistles literally on the bikini. Who's making these bikinis? Do you know? They make them in Sri Lanka. Sri Lanka. I have a dealer. Oh, look at that.

And I was selling them to my, like the other girls at my high school. These are like blood bikinis, like blood diamonds? Yeah, these are blood bikinis. Oh, conflict bikinis. Oh yeah, for sure. So you're getting your hands on some contraband bikinis and you're selling them at school.

Yeah. And was that the main problem, that you're selling bikinis to your classmates? I mean, it was like that. I put fish in the walls. I- I'm sorry, what? I put fish in the walls. Fish in the walls.

Oh, oh, oh, that old prank. Yeah, that's good. It's like you open up the wall and you put some fish in there and it rots and the whole school smells bad. Yeah, exactly. That's good fun. But you only did that like, what, a couple of fish in a couple of rooms or something like that.

No, I was doing that every day. I was taking my sushi lunch and just stuffing it in the walls. Oh, Lord Almighty. Basically, you know my dad, he's like, he gives me like 20 bucks every day, which is for lunch. That's absurd. That's absolutely ridiculous. Why would he do that?

He's gotta eat sushi. Sushi's not cheap. Why are you eating goddamn sushi? Well, like, do you want me to fit in at school? Then I have to eat sushi at lunch. Yeah, and you can't eat bad sushi. Bad sushi and bad Shakespeare, when they're bad, they're horrible.

When they're good, they're great. I'm getting sugar fish, the trust me, for just 20 bucks because they hook it up. It's the kids' meal. What'd you say was it? Sugar fish. The trust me. Sugar fish, the trust me.

The trust me, what the fuck are you talking about? Trust me, Nozawa. What the fuck are you talking about? This is sushi. I landed on a foreign goddamn planet. I don't eat no goddamn sushi. What earth do you live on? Do we live on the same planet?

Sometimes I'm just like, what is going on with you? I don't know. I know everything's normal with me. It's you that's going crazy. $20 for god damn raw fish for lunch every day. And I don't even eat it. I just put it in the walls. You just put it in the walls.

And you're talking to me like I'm an unreasonable party. What I have for lunch every god damn day is a steak and a glass of scotch. I'm an unreasonable party. What I have for lunch every goddamn day is a steak and a glass of scotch. And that's a goddamn thing. I know, believe me, I've seen it coming out the other end. It's... That can't be under $20. It depends where you source your steaks from, my friend.

We get them from, what's that, frozen place. They send them frozen, we put it in the... Iceland? No. You get Ruth's crisps, but you get it delivered. That's right. And you get big Omaha steaks. That's what I was thinking of.

Omaha steaks will come out to the house and Ruth's crisps will come out to the... I got people coming in all the time. I got, I told Betty Lou, I said, one of these rooms is gonna need to be a jerky room. You understand that, where I keep my jerky? I think I understand. Where you dry out the steaks.

Well, and then another room is gonna to have to be a freezer room. It's just going to be wall to wall freezers of steaks. And we of course would get some from Houston. That's the room I'm staying in, the freezer room. Oh my God. Awful. She's in the states room. You got to put her in a better room.

Now you and I, we always see eye to eye, but I'm afraid I got to take Marky's side on this. Well, where do you want to be? Like the guest room or something? I want the king bed. I want the master. Fuck that bullshit. The primary. Took me like three days to get in there myself. It's been fun to have a young person about hearing all the crazy young nonsense you all get up to. Yeah I mean I've been like really bad and stuff but I have a heart of gold as you're learning. Sounds like you've been getting into some real troubles. I thought you just coming out and

pay a social call but you know sounds like you had no other place to go. My mom and. Sounds like you've been getting into some real troubles. I thought you were just coming out and pay a social call, but it sounds like you had no other place to go. My mom and dad were like, you have to get out of LA, like you're fucking up. You're kidding me. You didn't know, didn't they talk to you? Uh, no, I don't, well, maybe, but I don't read all the bullshit from them.

You know what I mean? On the chain? It was all on the text chain. I told you, as soon as they started complaining about my green text bubbles, I said, fuck you. I don't want to be here anyway. You need to get an iPhone.

It's about time. We're all sick of it. What color does it come up on iPhone? Hello. What color? Why is that so much fucking better than the green bubbles? It's way better. Why?

It's just so much easier to read. Jesus Christ. It doesn't make any sense. It's higher contrast, for one. I started you a TikTok, by the way. Say it again.'s higher contrast for one. I started you a TikTok by the way. Say it again, what? I started you a TikTok. You started me a TikTok.

That's not the English language. It's just clips of you. What is a TikTok, God damn it. And how do you start me one? I've seen some of them. There's just screen grabs of green texts coming up. It's like, it's a narration of me going like, look at my uncle. Oh my God, isn't this devastating? It's coming up. It's like, it's a narration of me going like,

look at my uncle. Oh my God. Isn't this devastating? It's real funny. Jesus Christ. I told you, I still don't even understand what you're talking about. It's got over a million views.

Man, I'm going to have to run this through a translator or something, cause this ain't a English language. What is it? God damn tech talk. You've seen a tech talk and I'm on it. We send stuff back and forth all the time. I'm on a tech talk one million times. Yeah.

That's crazy to me. I'm going to have to find out, Oh, is that an iPhone thing? You need to have an iPhone to have a tech talk. No, you can have any phone. Okay, good. Yeah. I've got me one of them Samsung, Sun, Suni, Armstrong,

androids. The Armstrong garden center. The arms. Hey, that's where I got it. Armstrong garden center. I was there getting some mulch to chaw on and they said, yeah, we got phones. Fell in the parking lot. Anyways. Yeah, but you took my phone away. I can't have my phone. You're damn right I did. I did a little bit of Googling on what to do

with a teen in the house. Wait, you just, without any issues, you just, first thing you did was took away your phone? Yeah, that's why I haven't been messaging you. I wondered. She showed up on the doorstep with a backpack and I says, god damn, I get to get some Googling going and find out how you deal with the team

It's basically the last of us me and you What's that come on that's a show about a zombie outbreak with mushroom heads, but you don't know any references It's like I can't even talk to you What do you wear your thoughts on scandal? What are you talking about? Scandival, yeah, I don't? Scandival? Yeah, sure. That I don't know what that is. Hey, I do know, we talked about True Detective. I do know that one.

Oh, you watched that? Yeah, I'm watching True Detective. You watching that one? No, with Jodie Foster? Yeah, that's right. From Silence of Them Lambs, Jodie Foster. And? Yeah. What'd you think?

I think it's fine. I like Alaska just fine. Yeah, so. But all the movies, all the stuff that I watch, I watch on TikTok in 15 minute, like 15 second intervals. Yeah, Quibi is back. What's back? Quibi. I watch most of my TV on TikTok and now I can't even watch it because you took my phone. I did, I took the damn phone. It's a phone, my dear, is a privilege and not a right.

I'm not gonna lie, because you took my phone. I did. I took the damn phone. You, you, it's a phone, my dear, is a privilege and not a right. And you're going to earn it. You're going to earn the privilege. But doing your chores. And part of that privilege is you made her watch an episode of Bonanza. I damn surely did. Snooze Fest. What did you call it?

The snooze Fest. Well now what's a snooze Fest? Is that what you call it? Snooze Fest. Well now what's a snooze fest? Is that what you guys do? I actually like an old school saying. Yeah, both the words are there. It actually sounds older than my generation. A snoozing festival.

Is that what it is? Because that's what it sounds like. That's what it is. It says, you see a billboard when you're driving down the freeway, this Sunday at the Rose Bowl there's a festival for people that wanna come snooze because they're so bored. If you just condense that into one little compound word, a portmanteau called a snooze fest.

Okay, all right, now I get it. I'm picturing a festival of snoozing and that's just what it is. Now, what do you mean, it makes it sound like you're bored watching this episode. I honestly think you were trying to kill me watching this. Sweetheart, if I try to kill you, you'll know it. You won't have to interpret anything. You won't know it.

It's not a threat. I'm going to turn you in. I don't mean it as a threat, but if I was you, I'd take it as one. I like to say that, but I did mean it as a threat. Anyway, you enjoyed the Bonanza, didn't you? It was so slow. It's just the speed it needed to be to tell the goddamn story. Couldn't have done it any faster, could you? I can't think of any place where they could have. You think where they could have cut something down.

I didn't see any. Could you think they could fit that entire episode into one 15 second TikTok? Absolutely. I could sum it up in one sentence. Go for it. Let's see you try. See that is easy as he thought. Man, man kills man.

Man has brother, brother seeks vengeance. Other man kills brother or tries to. Hell, if that's what's going on on TikTok, I'll stick with Bonanza. God damn point there. God damn. Imagine me pointing to all this stuff I'm talking about. Is that what happens on there? There's like a bad green screen halo around her.

Good Lord. Yeah, this is ridiculous. Well, I've learned a lot of shocking things since we've begun this podcast, and we haven't even talked about anything we're here to talk about, but Markey, it's lovely to have you here. You've been just a breath of fresh air around the house. Well, I do have a heart of gold. Yeah.

Hey, am I supposed to be sending you to some kind of school? Yeah. Oh, shit. No, it's all good. I feel like I'm being homeschooled with you. Well, you definitely are homeschooled. And it's definitely just as bad and boring as school. How could it be boring? You're out of your mind.

You taught me how to make all these knots the other day. Could you put that in a 15 second TikTok? Yeah, it'd just be me pointing. I showed her how to unroll a roll of barbed wire. We was out there sharpening wood and the stakes for vampire hunting. That had to be fun. You had a knife in your hand.

Nothing that two love more than that. I did like that. That was cool. Yeah, all right, good. You taught me how to change the shoes on the horses. Yes, I did. Megan Thee Stallion, the horse, is doing better than ever. Now she's got old Marca here to care for her. That's nice.

Yeah, I put her in heels. I feel like this is a really nice relationship in that you're each gonna learn a little something. She seems to be learning something from you. I still wonder if you're gonna take anything from her. Yeah, are you absorbing anything from me? I feel like I have a 20% knowledge of what a TikTok might be as of now,

and that can only increase. I'm teaching you to love again. Isn't that clear? God damn it. What do you think about Betty Lou? might be as of now and that can only increase. I'm teaching you to love again. Isn't that clear? God damn it. What do you think about Betty Lou? Do you like her? I think Betty Lou is trash. What the fuck are you talking about? Hey, language. What did I say?

Oh my gosh, language. You said trash. What did I say? You said the f-word. Oh, fuck. Oh, my ears. You can. You heard all the fucking assholes. Oh, holy shit. You can, you heard all the- Just kidding, you fucking asshole. Holy shit. It's like I'm watching Paper Moon, 15 Second Paper Moon.

Man and his daughter, but it's really also a man and his daughter. And they have a quite contentious, but quaint and cute little relationship in the movie. In real life, you're a little worried. Okay. Oh, wow. And nobody's worried that you're texting me at all.

That you have a text going with a 14 year old. Purely avuncular. Just flat full stop. Yeah I know. You're 14 huh? That's about as low as you can be and still be a teen. Man. I bet I'm gonna get my period for the first time this year.

Oh my God. And you're gonna have to teach me what to do. What the fuck? I don't know what to do. Oh my God. And you're gonna have to teach me what to do. What the fuck? I don't know what to do. Oh, thank God Betty Lou's around. I'm afraid that piece of trash is gonna tell you how to be a woman. Why is she so, I don't know, just like old fashioned?

What you mean old fashioned? She's living in the same time as you. Doesn't feel like it. She's wonderful. Why do you say she's old fashioned? Just because she asked you in the same time as you. Doesn't feel like it. She's wonderful. Why do you say she's on Facebook? Just because she asked you in the morning if you want to Ovaltine? Yeah, Ovaltine.

I saw the way you rolled your eyes disdainfully at the very mention of it. Just the way she cooks us all those flapjacks in the morning. Yep. The bacon, the coffee, black. That's right. I was like, can I get a latte? Yeah, you did say that. I thought she was going to hit you over the head with that spoon.

She got a, there's a ladle really. She did. She hit you with it. Oh, good. All right. Well, then you won't ask for a goddamn latte anymore in our house. Son of a bitch. I don't know. At what point do I call Child Protective Services? Oh, don't. She just sets back women. Can I be honest with you?

This is one of the reasons I took the phone away. I didn't want her calling Child Protective whatever. I see. Say, they're feeding me bacon, arrest them. Yeah, I was on an all vegan diet before I got here. Yeah, that's what she says. And you're having sushi? Well, she didn't need it.

She's just wasting her father's money on $20 of sushi to hide in the wall. Why the walls don't stink as bad as I wanted them to. Oh, it's not even real fish and sushi. Oh, well then no harm. All right. We'll get you in some kind of school and wait for that period folks. Oh, here's what I say at the beginning of every episode. Tick tock. Hello friend. Come on in. The gate is open wide.

Welcome to bananas for bonanza. It's not unusual for me to say this well into the episode. So don't, don't worry. Everything's under control. I don't think she was too concerned. Okay. Literally not worried at all. We're talking about the season two episode 21 vengeance. This episode has everything. All four members of the regular cast.

That's rare. A woman, gunfire, and the strangest death of a character I think we've ever seen on this show. Rare, not rare. By definition, rare. What is? The death? A woman.

A woman. Rare. Gunfire, not rare. Not rare. Str is the death? Woman, woman, rare, gunfire, not rare, strangest definition thus far by definition rare. Yes, and a breathlessly fast pace as well. This episode. How did they, I'm surprised this wasn't a two hour episode, how they crammed all this in. Honestly, it felt like six hours. It was only one hour.

Yeah, it was 49 minutes about. I feel like I aged like, I feel like I'm 25. Well, it's called maturing, my darling, and it's what happens when you watch quality entertainment. You do become a little more mature. Alright, I'm glad you enjoyed it. FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling. Winning. Which beats even the 27th best feeling saying I do.

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Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. From fleet management to flexible truck rentals to technology solutions. At Enterprise Mobility, we help businesses find the right mobility solutions so they can find new opportunities. Because if your business is on the road, we want to make sure it's on the road to success. Enterprise mobility, moving you moves the world. Now this episode aired on February 11th, 1961. The number one movie in the country was the Misfits.

You ever seen Misfits with Arthur Miller? Dunn wrote it. John Houston has directed it and Clark Gable and Marilyn Monroe was on the screen. I never seen it. This movie was such a pain in the ass to shoot. Here's what happened. Okay, they wrapped the film November the 11th of 1960. Never forget.

Never forget. Clark Gable had a heart attack two days later. Whoa. Marilyn Monroe and Arthur Miller announced their divorce five days after that. Whoa. Clark Gable died five days after that. And Marilyn Monroe died a year and a half later,

which doesn't belong on the list. No, that does not count. That does not count. But this movie killed a man and ended a marriage. And killed Marilyn Monroe. Killed Marilyn Monroe. Slow poisoned Marilyn Monroe. Well, apparently I was reading about what a mess she was on the set.

She would sometimes be up to an hour late and Clark Cable said, man, in my old, in my day, if you's late, they'd fire you. Yeah. Yeah. He that's what gave him a goddamn heart attack. What a woman killed him. A woman killed him by being late. A whole hour. Was Arthur Miller on set? Arthur Miller was on set. I bet he was making her late.

Oh maybe. Well he was constantly fiddling with the script if he didn't think. Oh right. Little notes here and there. Little punch ups. Yeah. You really know your industry, Tuck Markey. Yeah, well I live in LA. That's right. What is it you'd like to be when you grow up? I want to be an ambassador for the

sleep masks. Oh, a brand ambassador? I've heard of that job. You want to be a brand ambassador for sleep masks? Actually, it was the sleep mask that you use on airplanes that basically look like a helmet. Oh yeah. You stuff your hands inside and you sleep. You put your hands? You can sleep on your tray table. Really?

I wanna be an ambassador for that. Oh, good luck. What would that entail? Just telling people about it? Just like modeling. Modeling it. Modeling it, talking about it, using it. Oh, oh.

All in TikTok. Are you gonna be one of these, oh, they call them influencers. Ambassador. Oh, appearing on this podcast episode might give you the exposure you need to. How many people listed today? Yeah, that's a good question. Well, I believe it's literally into the scores. So you probably will help you do whatever you want.

We've never taken a moment to figure out how much a score is partially out of self protection. But we think it's huge. We've been told it's into the scores and I don't want to know. So probably pretty low. The number one country song in the country was still North to Alaska by Johnny Horton. Oh, I know that one. You do.

Yeah. Wow. I am impressed. Does that I know that one. You do? Yeah. Wow. I am impressed. Yeah. Does that have a life on Tik TOK or something? It does. Yeah. It was a sound that was going viral. Oh really? Going North to Alaska. Okay. Those are the words. Yeah. That's great. I'm glad to hear that. Oh, okay. Yeah. That's Johnny Horton. You said just like Johnny Horton. When you do that, I'm impressed. You know that. Do you know, will you still love me tomorrow? By the Shirelles? That was the number one, yeah, that's the tune. Johnny Horton, you sound just like Johnny Horton when you do that. I'm impressed you know that. Do you know Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow by the Shirelles? That was the number one pop song in the country. By the Shirelles?

Yeah, that's right. I know the cover of it. By who? By Hanson. This vintage band. Hanson did a cover of that song? Yeah. Yeah, all right.

I'm a brand ambassador for Hanson Sotas. Oh my God. Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, actually I think I saw one of your videos. Yeah. That's impressive. You were like chugging it. Yeah. But I was wearing one of those sleep masks and it was real hard to drink. I remember a week. That's such a good lesson. You can't share a market two things at once. No, you can't. You have to go all in on one. That's right. That's what I keep telling you. That's impressive. What should I go all in on then? Something that reflects my keep telling you. That's impressive. What should I go all in on then?

Something that reflects my lifestyle. Probably like, I don't know, some sort of protein powder. Creatine? What are you talking about? Maybe horse gelatin. Horse gelatin? Yeah, supplements.

Yeah, horse gelatin supplements. Horse gelatin supplements, all right. Consider me the ambassador of horse gelatin supplements. We don't even know what they do. Rolls off the tongue, does it? Yeah, it does. Let me hear a little of it. Horse gelatin supplements.

Give me an example of what a little 15 second advice is. That's a long time to talk about a thing. Think Wilford Brimley in diabetes. Folks, are you tired of suffering from not having them horse gentlemen something else? Well, it's time to, you got to do something about it and get yourself some. And I'm there to help you in any way I can. Give me a call.

My number is. And you put your personal number on your personal phone number on there. You give me a call and I'll do what I can. Is that what it involves? That's pretty good. Okay. Thank you. Celebrity birthdays, born on the day this date, this episode of Bonanza aired was Carrie Lowell.

I know he's going to know who that is. Bond girl from License to Kill, one of the finer ones, 1989, married to Richard Gere, hubba hubba. That's right. Wow. Prior to that, she's married to Griffin Dunn. You know that she and Richard Gere have a son. This is wild. They've got a son whose name is Homer and Richard Gere's father is also

named Homer. What a coincidence. So he's Homer the skipped second? I guess so, but what are the odds that you would have both a father and a son by that unusual name? So rare. It's really strange, isn't it? It's so rare. But it's not coincidence, right? He chose to do it.

What? The odds are pretty good. I'm saying,, isn't it? It's not coincidence, right? He chose to do it. What? The odds are pretty good. I'm saying, I don't know anybody named Homer. Can you imagine if in your life, you had not only your father was named that, but your son too? No, I can't imagine. His son's so rare.

That's right. I don't know. I mean, I literally have never met a Homer before in my life. I guess I haven't either. I never met Homer Simpson. Right. Homer Simpson. Right. Homer Simpson. You don't know the goddamn Samsons.

I'm not saying I like it, but I know it. Spin around. Hey, I got to speak enough. Speaking of two things we was talking about. Weird offspring coincidences and True Detective. Oh, okay. Okay, so you know in this season of True Detective, when they go investigate the Salal laboratory base

and that cleaning lady's there? Okay. Do you know whose daughter that is? Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Gene Wilder's. No. Get the fuck out of here. I am staying the fuck here. What the fuck? Wait, you mean

Timothy Chalamet? No, that's, he's playing Wonka who's originally played by Gene Wilder. That's crazy that Timothy has a kid. With Kylie? Kylie Minogue? Who? I don't know.

Who are you talking about? Wait a minute. Is her, is your mother Gilda Redner? They didn't have children. That I don't know. I don't think they did. Jean Wilder went and had children with somebody who wasn't Gilda Redner? Must have.

Literally didn't understand a word that just came out of my mouth. Man, we are from two different times, I tell you what. This episode of Bonanza was directed by Dick Motor. No. Come on. No! Come on. What's funny about Dick Motor?

Well, you see a nice hova hova and you go, my Dick Motor's purring. Is this from your stand-up? This isn't really bad. You see a nice hover hover and you go, my dick motor's purring. Is this from your standup? This isn't really bad. It's a real fact. Dick motor. Some by the way, in the family texts read people share some of your clips from your standup. It doesn't go over well.

Well, yeah, it went, it depends on the venue. If I do it at a hoedown or a horse show or something like that. Or a hootenant. A hootenant, sure. People really enjoy it. It's my witticism from out on the range. And I'll have you know people love it a lot. No, it doesn't age well, just so you know. What do you mean?

Well, first of all, we should do some definitions. This is your poetry reading, but your family calls it your standup routine, just so you know. They do? Yeah, they think you're doing standup. You're not doing standup? I do provide wit and wisdom, and so I am aware that there's fun and good jokes in some of my poems and my stories

about life out on the range. Yeah, and people really do enjoy them, some of my stories. What about all that stuff about saddles, slipping? The slippery saddles, that's not a joke? The slippery saddle? What do you mean it's not a joke? Your dick motor, that one time when you talked about your dick motor.

Yeah, when you said that your dick wasn't working. You gotta oil up your dick motor. You gotta... Yeah, that's the clip that was on there. That was the one where I was like, I don't want to watch my uncle talk about jacking off. Oh, she pointed to it. I was like this.

Which looked like this. It went viral. I had a lot of fun with the word pistons in that context too. Dick motor and pistons. It was a good, that's a good routine. People like that one. So it's supposed to be an emotional poem? It is, well, what it does, I wrote people in

and then I tell them a story. And by the end, well, you got people laughing throughout and then you leave them crying and then I tell them a story. By the end, you got people laughing throughout and then you leave them crying and then you give them a laugh and then you say, so long folks. That's how it goes when you are the poet laureate of the West as I am. That's true. Don't seem to be getting the respect I deserve from this teenager. Oh my God. Yeah. Oh my God.

Oh my God. Oh, not yours, mine. Do you believe in God? Uh, well, yeah, sure. Okay. Do you, Markey? Absolutely not. I believe in God, but I believe. I believe in a goddess. This is my problem with, only problem with God. I believe in God, but I believe I could defeat him. Really? I do. I do.

Do you think God's a monster because he's not human? Well- It's a tricky question, isn't it? I've gotten in trouble. Okay. I'm going to go ahead and steer away from trouble. I got you. I'm going to steer away from trouble, but I am saying I could defeat God in almost any

contest he cared to mention. Hey, Dick Motor, his son is a cinematographer who married Julia Roberts and continues to be married to him. Yeah. Who? Huh? Dick Motor's son is married to Julia Roberts. Emma Roberts is an aunt. Oh, you don't know Julia Roberts.

Yeah, oh, her, I thought that was her grandma. Oh, Lord Almighty. Julia Roberts is younger than you think. How old is she? 55, which is the same number of episodes of Lassie that Dick Motor directed. Can you imagine that? That's a hard dollar, man. 55 episodes of Lassie. He earned every dollar they paid him. Double nickels. Lassie on the double nickels with Dickie Motor. Hard work. You might think this episode was written by a woman because it was written by Marion Parsonet,

but that's a man. Yep, they would not. A woman couldn't write for this show. It did not seem like the episode was written by a woman. No part of the episode seemed like it was written by a woman. Oh, just the name is what I'm referring to. This is a poor man who went through his whole life with the name of Marion.

I'd have killed myself. You know who else has the name Marion? Who? Who? Cobra from the movie Cobra with... Do you know who Sylvester Stallone is? Oh man. His name is Marion Cobretti. You're kidding me. No, I'm not kidding you. Some people tell me John Wayne's first real name was Marion. That's true. No, I don't believe that's true. But I think when you get a name like Marion, it forces you to become uber masculine like John Wayne or Cobretty who cuts his pizza with scissors. Or Marion Parsonet who wrote a very manly episode of Benanzen. Actually old-fashioned names are really coming back into style. Oh like what? Like Dagger. Dagger? Dagger for a boy. Okay I do like that. I'd name a boy Dagger. What else is there? Like Caveman, is that a name?

Caveman. That one's so cute for a girl. I know, Dinosaur. Dinosaur for a girl. Yeah, Dinosaur Jr. Dinosaur Jr. Oh, yeah, these are good names. Swaddle.

Is Marky your full name? What's it, is it short for it? It's Markathon. Markathon. Markathon. Is that like a cell-a-thon? No, Markathon. Markathon. Markathon. Is that like a cell-a-thon? No, I remember she. Like marking everything down. Your mother wanted to name you Mark if you were a boy

and your father wanted to name you Jonathan if you were a boy. And then I was a girl. And then you were a girl and they said, how about Markathon? It makes sense. I didn't even have a girl plan. My middle name, so unfortunate, is Dalton.

Dalton? Oh my God, are you named after him? I'm so flattered. Wow. Isn't that beautiful? Latter-you-didn't-know? If I heard it before, I forgot. But it could be the first time I'm hearing it.

What's your middle name, Dalton? Dalton. Shit. You know, I had one of those situations where my parents didn't give me a middle name, but I chose one. And at that time, it was the eighties and Guns N' Roses was very popular. Okay. So Axel? That's right. AXL.

Oh my God. That was double popular back then because Axel... Axel Foley. Axel Foley. Spelled the same way? No, I don't think so. Well, anyway... I heard it was something else.

What did you hear it was? I heard it was shart. Beg your pardon? Shart. Sharp? Shart. Shart with a T? Yeah, it's your mother's maiden name.

It is my mother's maiden name. Do you know what a shart is? Believe me, I'm aware of what a shart is. Every time somebody in a business situation says, well, and what's your mother's maiden name? I say, shart. And they say, spell that. And I spell it. And they laugh. And they say, you mean like a fart that turns into a shit? Oh, I thought it was part skirt, part shark. It's a shit that turns into a fart. Okay. Oh, I see. It's not a shit that turns into a fart.

You can't go backwards like that. I'll tell you one thing, you're too young to remember this, but there was a channel on television called Discovery Channel and they would do something called Shark Week. Wait, I know what this channel is. It's what converts all people into conspiracy theorists. What the Discovery does? First they start with Discovery, then they go to YouTube.

And then they absolutely lose their minds. Yes. Ancient aliens straight into loose change. Yeah. Well, there was a comedy channel also on the cable that says, well, they're going to have Shark Week, where they talk about sharks all week. We're going to have a week called Shark Week. Oh, it's Comedy Central? Yes, they did. And they promoted it heavily. What? So what that means is that somebody had an idea

and went into a proper business conference room and pitched it to their colleagues and they all said, I love it. And then they committed millions of dollars to bus ads and billboards. How many years in a row did they do that? I believe it was at least two. No kidding.

Uh-huh. Shark Week. Shark Week. They failed miserably. We gotta give it one more year to just make sure that wasn't just happenstance. Right, right. This really does suck.

We gotta make sure this really is stupid. I'll tell you though, my mom got a kick out of it. She, you know what I mean? She's like, it's me week. Grandma? Yeah, grandma, she got a kick out of it. Cause of course her maiden name is Shark. I don't believe that's my middle name. I've never seen no documentation to back that up Oh my god, everyone in the family's like it's so embarrassing. He changed his name to Axel Use this book. This is nothing but lies. Are you AXL or AXE? AXL is what it was

But I didn't know I didn't ever fill out any paperwork. It was just a casual sort of thing Two X's in your name, that's rare. Yes, thank you. Double X. So masculine. Yeah. Masculine. Marion Parsonet is one of two people involved

in this episode who died before it aired. Oh. Oh. Isn't that a fun fact? Spooky. Yeah. And he also, he wrote for a TV show called Steve Randall. How do you not watch that show? That's good. That's a great title for a show.

Isn't it? Steve Randall. You just gotta know what happens in Steve Randall. I believe private eye or something like that. But man, you guys gotta tune in and find out what Steve Randall is about. Two people died before this came out. And you're trying to tell us the Misfits was cursed? Honestly, almost three died. Me watching it. Oh, damn it. I don't want to believe it. She's funny though. You gotta believe it. You know I'm on it. It's not true. I sit with her the whole time. She's sitting there on the couch saying every 15 minutes, can I have my phone? Can I have my phone? Because we gotta get on the text thread. This is why I'm on this text thread. She's always making me chuckle. Yeah. Plus I've got all these bikinis in the garage that I'm like trying to sell.

Yeah. You brought those bikinis to my house? Yeah, absolutely. These contraband goddamn counterfeit bikinis. I stuffed the freezers. Yeah. The freezers are full of your goddamn illegal bikinis. Yeah, of course they are. I have to keep them cold if I want to sell them. Yeah. What happens if they get too warm?

With that kind of fabric, they burst into flames. Oh, Jesus Christ. They're made of fuses. This is terrible. I'm getting rid of them immediate. Beverly Tyler played Mary in this episode. She retired from screen acting in 1961 shortly after this episode. What happened?

She turned 31? No, I'll have you know. She had to retire from acting because she became married. Mary, the second Marion became Mary. No, no. Her name's Beverly. Her character is Mary. Yeah. the second Marion became Mary. No, no, her name's Beverly, her character is Mary. Yeah, oh, Mary. Mary.

Okay, and she got married? She got married. Hmm, okay, I know I watched a little Discovery Channel there, but that sounds like a conspiracy to me. Yeah. Oh, Marion wrote a character named Mary who got married. Coincidence? I doubt it. I don't think so.

No, one first is happenstance, then it's coincidence, then it's enemy action, you know? Uh-huh. The government's involved in that. Exactly. Her Wikipedia page says that she was well known as a girl about town in Hollywood. She dated Mickey Rooney and Peter Lawford.

Believe that? Boy, that's a spectrum. Yeah. What a track record. What? What a track record. But then she settled down, her new husband took her to Reno where she spent 30 years

as a mainstay on the local dinner theater circuit. So she didn't really retire. Yes, she did. She was in movies and then she was doing dinner theater. Can you imagine there was a time you could go to Reno and get yourself a steak and watch somebody who had been on Bonanza in a production of God knows what, Bus Stop. What did they do at a dinner theater? Usually music?

God's spell. God's spell. Can you imagine that? She didn't stop doing that until the 90s, man. Bus Stop, yeah, I've been at Bus Stop. Have you guys ever been to Portland and had a steak while you watched like a strip tease? Cause you know they have to serve food

at the strip clubs there. Oh, I believe that's the rule everywhere. You gotta get food at the strip clubs. You have to order a steak's the rule everywhere. You got to get food at the strip clubs. You have to order. But it's typically a buffet. But it's a health thing. It's like you can't go swimming if you eat too much. You can't watch naked ladies unless you got full stomach.

On an empty stomach? No, you can't. That's so true. Yeah. Like you can't take vitamins on an empty stomach. You know, it's things that are good for you. It's physionomical and you're not probably going to understand this, but if you used to get a boner on an empty stomach,

if you rev your dick motor, you'll pass right out. You will because it's too empty up there and then when it thwaps up, there's nothing to stop it and you can impale yourself. That's the problem. Wait, so your stomach stops your dick from going up too high?

It's a built in... If you're doing it right. That's right. So it just overflows from your bell buckle down to hold your dick down. Basically. It's a natural kind of, um, detente, you know, like a cold war kind of, yeah, basically it's a mutually assured destruction type of situation.

If you can't get a regular boner, you're going to get too fat. And if you get too thin, you're going to get too high. Yeah. That makes so much. I'm so glad that I'm staying with you that I get to learn these amazing things. It's crazy what they don't teach in health class these days, man.

I tell you, it's ridiculous. Oh, but that's all science. I'm sure this stripper's like when you guys are all full down there. Yeah. Now that brings up the question of a lap dance. Cause a what? A lap dance.

Oh yeah, when you get a lap dance, yeah. You gotta make room for that as well. So there's a third consideration that's happening. It's a delicate, like you say, it's a dance. It's a dance. But it's a three person dance. Your lap, your flap. Your boner.

And your boner. And your flap. And then part four is a dick motor. Your flap, your flap, and your lap? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it seems like, so the stripper's basically just dancing on your tummy. In my case, they just stand in the doorway

of the room we're in, and she's just as close, as far away as she can be with still being in the same room. And you know what? That'll do it for you. I understand that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I don't tip her any less because it's a working woman. What do you usually tip? I guess I usually trip in Dutch Krugerrands.

Uh-huh. Yeah. I figure that's kind of- That's nice. Nice and heavy. Because they think it's heavy, it looks like gold, and they think like, I just made a mint, but they ain't worth shit. Oh, over here. Do you give it a little sack? Yeah, I do. I had to give it a little jiggle first. I take it out of a coin purse. It's impressive. Did you ever bite on it? Oh, yeah. And then I toss it to her and she usually catches it right in her vagina. Take it out of a coin purse. It's impressive. Did you ever bite on it? Oh yeah. Kling! Yeah. And then I toss it to her

and she usually catches it right in her vagina. Oh wow! Wow! When I go to, I go to the kind of strip club where first I can take a bath for 25 cents. Cause I respect the women. There's like a watering hole out front.

A trough. Oh, they'll fill a goddamn proper claw foot tub in there. Soak yourself up. All right. Also in this episode was Adam Williams. He played Red Twilight. He's a bad guy. Best known for his appearance in North by Northwest.

And he was also as Valerian, one of James Mason's henchmen. Oh, you know his other henchmen. Who's the other henchman? Valerian. You know Martin Landau. Oh yeah, for sure. Yeah, big Martin Landau fan, right?

Not like Kennedy on the- Just kidding. What the fuck are you guys talking about? God damn it. He was also in a Twilight Zone episode called A Most Unusual Camera. You want to see if you can guess what was unusual about the camera in that Twilight Zone episode? It took pictures of his future.

That's exactly what it did. It took pictures. It didn't AI your face. It did not AI your face, it was this is a Twilight Zone classic. You know what I forgot to say? I actually think my job, what I wanna be when I grow up, I wanna be an AI version of Kim Kardashian.

Wait a minute, how you gonna do that? Isn't that AI means that a computer done it? Yeah. So how you gonna be what a computer done? Exactly. Oh, I see. I mean, I feel like I could make so much money paying AI.

Oh, okay. I'm not sure you fully understand it and far be it from me to explain what AI is, but I think, nevermind, I don't know. Just you guys wait. I'll be slinging AI bikinis all over this town. Well, how about, have you thought about, just put it on your list, rustling cattle.

Put it on your list. What? Rustling cattle. What does that mean? Like I have- What does it mean? Like a bunch of, I rake them together, like a bunch of leaves? Christ almighty. You have so much to learn.

Also in this episode was an actor by the name of Keith Richards. And this is his first of three bananas. He played Willie Twilight. On IMDb page under trivia. It says, ironically, Keith Richards stopped acting in 1964. The same year, Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones began putting albums out and becoming famous. Not ironic.

It's not because there's a cosmic rule that you can only have one famous Keith Richards, and if you're going to, if someone famous or a long comes along, they got to give it up. I know this for a fact. have one famous Keith Richards and if you're gonna, if someone famouser along comes along, they gotta give it up. I know this for a fact, there can only be one famous person with the name that you have. Oh yeah? Yeah. Okay.

Right. That's the way that works. Yeah, there cannot be more than one. It's a good thing there's no other mutt, right? No. No. They made a one-time exception for Senator Paul Simon. But...

Alright! Normally that is correct. Okay, Keith Richards was in a show called World of Giants. Let me just read you what the description of the show is, and then with your indulgence, I believe I will play you a clip. Oh. Let's see, I want to... Oh, God.

Cue up the clip because I've never heard of anything like this in my whole life. Hang on now. Is it really all the way? Oh yeah. The clip is far into the thing. Don't play yet. I didn't tell you to play. Okay. Here comes the explanation. I'm actually really impressed with your computer skills. We've gotten so much better since I've been saying this. Thank you. Yes, they have. You've never successfully got a clip rolling. Not yet.

So just see. What's going to happen is that I'm not going to have had the sound turned up, but I'm going to go ahead and there we go. I foresaw it. All right. Here's what it is. Marshall Thompson plays a secret agent who is approximately six inches tall. He's carried around from one mission to another in a briefcase with a small chair inside.

This was a television show. What among giants? Called World of Gi show called World of Giants. Now here he is. Here he is. Well, he's about to get into the briefcase and the show has narration. And I believe this is from the first episode. I think this is as far as they go toward explaining why he's six inches tall. That's him. That's him there. That's the leg of a table. Oh. He's standing next to... He almost got crushed again. It's a really short table if it's at least six inches tall. Well, now there's some scale problems.

That's true. But here we go. Hey, uh... That's his buddy. Keep going. That's the fella that takes him around. He's opening up the briefcase. ...guerrille guards many fantastic secrets, but none quite so fantastic as Mel Hunter. Oh, look at me. He's opening up the briefcase. to the size of a six inch ruler. The shrinking had stopped.

The scientists were still hoping, still working on my case. And I was still a special agent. Oh shit, God damn it. That sounds like one of the commercials on your YouTube that I hear. The shrinkage had stopped. And it was all thanks to scientists.

It's all thanks to horse gelatin supplements, if you want the shrinkin' to stop. Yeah. It's amazing. There's a scene right before that where his buddy writes a note and then puts a pencil down and then the pencil rolls off the table and it just about crushes Bell Hunter to death.

Did you watch that whole thing? No, I did not. I watched just enough of it. But now I'm gonna blow your minds even further. Okay, Robert Griffin as Mr. McNeil, the deputy, the other guy that died before the episode came out. And if you go back and watch now, you'll see he doesn't have long.

Wait, who was he in the episode? He was the fellow that came by and wanted a cup of coffee, just black, and he was Mr. McNeil, the sheriff's deputy. Oh, yes, yes, yes. He seemed a little bit drunk. Sweaty. Yeah, sweaty and drunk, but it probably wasn't booze,

unless he just said, fuck it, I'm gonna get drunk. Well, everyone was drunk back then. I guess so, you'd have a couple of high balls at lunch. Okay, oh, that's not what's interesting, who cares about him, but Olaan Sol, who played the hotel clerk, he was the voice of Batman on the Super Friends and other cartoons for 12 years.

You know who Batman is? Who? No brother. Man of Steel. Then they made a, did you know they made a TV sequel to The Jerk in 1984, a made forTV movie called The Jerk 2, TOO, not starring Steve Martin, but this guy was in it. The Jerk 2.

The Jerk as well, in addition to the one you know. That was a big subtitle in the 80s. Teen Wolf 2. TOO. Yeah, limited to in the 90s, I heard about the clothing store. Now he was also in a show called Land of the Giants. This was another TV show where a bunch of astronauts end up on a planet that is precisely like Earth,

except that it's on a larger scale. So they're tiny. What's happening here is they made the movie, The Incredible Shrinking Man, and then they just had all them props, oversized props laying over, and then said we better make some television out of this. That might be it.

But I watched a clip of that. I won't trouble you with it. I think it's maybe the dumbest thing I ever did see. Because what happened in the very second episode of this show is that they find themselves in what is obviously a little train set, but they don't know it. And so the guy's he's trying to talk to somebody who's like a false figure, like a plastic figure.

And he knocks them over and he says, I'll get a doctor. And he runs to a payphone and he's trying to use the payphone. Anyway, that's that. Okay. Should we talk about this episode? Yeah, let's do it. I guess. Yeah. FanDuel Casino Daily Jackpots guaranteed to hit by 11 PM with your chance at your chance at the number one feeling winning which beats even the 27th best feeling saying I do who wants this last parachute I do daily jackpots a chance to win with every spinner and a guaranteed winner by 11 p.m. every day 19 plus and physically located in Ontario gambling problem call 1-866-531-2600 or visit kinexontario.ca select games only guarantee void if platform or game

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find the right mobility solutions so they can find new opportunities. Because if your business is on the road, we want to make sure business is on the road, we wanna make sure it's on the road to success. Enterprise Mobility, moving you moves the world. This episode begins on a closeup shot of a wagon with a box on it that says AJ Dirkus.

And you just know, this AJ Dirkus is gonna be important character in this episode, but no. Nothing about him at all. Not at all. He's just a fella whose wagon is briefly blocking our view of Haas Cartwright, who's hauling bags of stuff to his wagon and that's gonna be important, right? What's in those bags? What's Haas up to? What's Hoss Haulin? That's not right. There's shots fired. He runs to where there's a drunkard shooting his pistols in the air. Everybody else is just standing around doing nothing, but Hoss says, I'm going to intervene.

I'm a goddamn cartwright. And he struggles to get the pistols away from this drunk and in the process kind of sort of pushes him and he kind of bumps into a pillar, and that kills him. The man dies. He barely touches him. That's the strength of Hoss. And the guy goes flying.

And dies. He's a gentle giant. That's what happens when you mess with Hoss. Well as we go out to the credits, Hoss is regarding his awful hands that did this murder. Poor Hoss. Poor Hoss, he couldn't help it. Well now, we go to Willie's grave. That was Willie Twilight.

What a name. Willie Twilight has been killed, and his brother Red Twilight is all mad, and he's talking to Willie's girlfriend. Now in those days, you couldn't really have like a girlfriend. So that's why you have that, what was he to you? Well, we loved each other very much. You don't want to come and admit that you two was humping and bumping without the brandom ring on. Right? I mean, I think that's what was going on. They were obviously fully doing it. Oh, they were doing it. Yeah. Yeah. It seemed that way. She seems like this girl that I

go to high school with. Her name is Cassandra.. You're going to tell the Cassandra Cassandra Applestein. Are you telling us the whole name? Yeah. Well then it better be a flattering story. Yeah. She's literally slept with, I mean pretty much all of the senior class, all of the, all the 11th graders too. Oh my God. And is it a big school or a small school? It's a huge school. It's like 5,000 kids. Good for her, God damn it. So that's roughly 2,500 boys.

No, wait, I'll be half that again. 1,250 boys she done had sex with. She was one of my best customers, actually she was buying like, before I was selling all that edible lingerie. I did not know about the edible lingerie. That's the news. It tastes like rubber. Are you sure it was edible lingerie? I did not know about the edible lingerie. It tastes like rubber.

Are you sure it was edible lingerie? Yeah, it is. You can eat it and you won't get sick. Are you sure? Have you eaten it? No, absolutely not. It was like actually right before COVID, everybody was coming down with what they thought was COVID,

but it turned out to be like too many girls were eating the edible lingerie. And I got suspended. I think they should have it Portland strip joints where you have to eat while you watch them strip, but you get to eat the clothes off the ladies. I like that. That's a great idea. You should sell it. Go up there and sell it to them.

Well, right now there's like a bunch of lawsuits that my family is dealing with, but yeah. Oh my God. No wonder they kicked you out. I didn't know what kind of trouble I was taking in. Damn it. Making people eat rubber. Well, now, Red makes it clear that he blames Haas for his brother's death and that he's real mad about it.

Okay. But now we go over to the Ponderosa ranch house where Haas and Adam and Joe are fixing a wagon wheel. That's one of the things they do a lot. They were always fixing wagon wheels. Well, he wasn't really fixing it. He was just, it was laying there and he hammered it a couple times. Well, he's upset. He's brooding. He's real mad. He's upset because he killed a man accidental and he can't believe it and he feels so guilty. And I haven't shown a clip from this in a while, but this is a good one because in this clip, old Lorne Green looks right at the camera. He really does and they didn't give him another take. Here we go.

I can do this to make it go, can't I? Yep. Oh no. Oh. Oh no. Oh shit. Every time you wanna keep an eye on him. Hey, which is your favorite cart ride? Yeah, that's a good question.

Mine? Probably the dead one. What do you mean the dead one? Didn't one of them die? No. Just the wives, the three wives. Yeah, then one of the wives. Okay.

I don't know. I just found the lack of women to be so unique. Yeah that's right. It's a real calling card for this show that there's no women. It's doing something different. Yeah they're breaking out of the mold. No I guess my favorite one was the young hot one who wanted to seek revenge. Little Joe now did you ever watch Little House on the Prairie or Highway to Heaven? No. Betty Lou is a big Little House on the Prairie fan. Is she? Yeah, she's always, every time I talk about Bonanza,

she say, well, Little House on the Prairie, Little House on the Prairie. She loves it. She ought to do a podcast. Yeah, maybe. Oh, a snooze fest. Oh, another festival of snoozing for you, huh? Bullshit.

Well, actually that one, I might agree with you. I don't like, anyway, all right, here we go. Hoss is real sad and he rides his horse. You ever see a sad giant man riding a horse? Nothing sadder than that. A sad man on a horse and they keep cutting to it. I said, more sad riding. I did think the horse is a really good job.

Yeah, the horse's name is? Chubb. Wow. That's the name of Hoss's horse is Chubb. I know a guy named Chubb at school. Really? Is it his given name? Yeah.

Well, it was given to him by the class. Oh, is he a fat fella? He's not fat, but his dick's really short, like a Chubb. How come everybody knows that? Because of Cassandra Appelstein. Yeah, Cassandra Appelstein. Oh, she not only sleeps with him, she describes their dicks to everybody.

Yeah, of course she does. It's high school. Oh, Cassandra, that's terrible. All right, I was on her side when she's getting all that fucking done. Not now that she's making fun of people's dicks. That's what high school is. I bet everyone in your high school

knows what your dick looks like. Uh, I doubt it. Because you would've heard. I would've heard something. Would've gotten back to you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, Red. I can only tell you this.

His dick is shaped like a horse. All four legs and the head and tail. Got that right. What are the legs? They are proud of it. What are the legs? Exactly right. They're literally dick legs.

Like it has its own little kickstand. Have you ever read a description of Harvey Weinstein's genitalia? Uh-oh. Do it. No. All right. No, tell me.

It's just that you can't get a mental image from the descriptions people give. Where's my phone? I got to text you answers. I'm always talking about Harvey Weinstein. Is it like, like, all of it just can't be depicted? Something like that. Yeah. Something like that. No one can ever draw it. Something like that. OK. Something like that.

No one can ever draw it. It's illegal. That's right. It's illegal to draw it. Who would try? All right. Red is stalking Hoss, but he waits. He's a patient man, and he waits until just the right time,

which happens to be the whole next morning, while Hoss is over there at Mud Creek. And ba-bang. Red shoots him in the goddamn back like a son of a bitch. But actually before that, doesn't matter, but Joe's worried about Hoss. He hadn't come back yet. It's night time so he rides out and Adam confronts him and says, where do you think you're going? Turns out Adam was going there too. Well, the two of them ride out after, that's the kind of funny things they have on this show. Two of them ride out after Hoss. They're worried. And if Paul has told them,

leave them alone, they're disobeying Paul. That's why they had to sneak out at night and take their horses. Then we have the scene where old Hoss is shot and Joe and Adam hear the shot and they run toward it. They know just where it's coming from. They're out there on the plains. They hear a shot. They say mud creek And they go straight to Mud Creek, but the gunman is gone and Joe wants to go pursue the gunman. But Adam says, no, you need to stay. No, you need to go get Paul and the sheriff. I'm going to stay here with our fallen brother. And that's just what they do. Right? I never, ever in all the episodes of this podcast thought to ask you, do you think we ain't seen this? What you mean?

Well, you're describing it and we've already watched it. Dad, thank you. I'm like, I have to relive this freaking episode. I'm describing it for the listener, aren't I? I just assumed they'd seen it too. You guys just watch the stupid episode if you're gonna listen to this. You don't think I should recap the episode?

I mean, I don't know what I would do otherwise I do because I okay how happy it makes you it does make me happy. I was at the bar last night Yeah, when I snuck out, what do you mean? You're 14 goddamn years old. Anyway, they let me in I was talking to people and they're like, why does he recap the episodes? I'm like, I don't know I'll talk to him They was talking about it. They're talking about bananas for bananas. Well, one person was really. She had sent her a TikTok clip of you doing this recap. Well, what else am I supposed to do?

She was down there doing this. Pointing to it. Won't he give up already? Jack off motion. This guy. This is shocking to me. I can't believe it. What else is it called? Isn't it like a rewatch recap style podcast? Complaining. I just just I'm just saying I just now realized because I've been in

in the thick of it too. Mark is kind of opened my eyes about. Yeah, exactly. As the first time I'm just like, we need to get you like fully online. Like if you really want to make this working, like, we need to get you like fully online. Like if you really want to make this working. Like I think you don't even know that you're really uploading these.

Oh, I believe I am. I hope to God people can hear me. But yeah, I'm doing damage control around town just so you know. What are you telling people? I'm just giving people free bikinis just to shut them up. So if somebody says he spends too much time

recapping the episode, you say, Hey man, I'm his niece and take a bikini. Yeah. I'm like, I know it's sad. It's devastating. Just take a bikini. You're just happening upon these conversations happening in the wild. No, I'm bringing them up.

Oh, okay. I wondered. I didn't know there was a big conversation going on about you. At this rate, you will never get your phone back. Oh my God. Sneaking out to a goddamn bar. I bet I know where it is, it's in your safe. No.

It is. It ain't on the down, down, down. I'm so close to cracking the code. Oh. I bet I know it. It's alphanumeric B-O-N-A- Quiet, don't say nothing. Is that why you walking around with that stethoscope all the time?

I thought this girl wants to be a doctor. You're trying to crack my safe? I would never be a doctor. I told you. I'm going to be an ambassador for sleep mask. I know. Or what else? Uh, the other thing you said Kim Kardashian AI. All right. Ben approaches red Twilight.

I'm glad you continued. I'm glad you continued. I'm glad you didn't. I literally don't know what else I do. All right. It's clear to Ben that red shot, but he can't prove it. Right. Mary's goes out there to the grave and, uh, uh, Ben, uh, red wants Mary to come live with him.

That makes sense. Right. My brother died. You're his girlfriend. and Red wants Mary to come live with him. That makes sense, right? My brother died, you're his girlfriend, let's go. That's how it used to be. Come with me. Deadwood happened on Deadwood. It did it? Yeah. Mr. Ellsworth?

No, Seth Bullock. He married his brother's widow. Yeah, I've never seen Deadwood. She should know that, blah, blah, blah, blah, understand shooting him in the back, blah, blah, blah. This is the part where I start to say blah, blah, never seen Deadwood. She should know that blah blah blah blah. Understand shooting him in the back, blah blah blah. This is the part where I start to say blah blah blah a little bit. See, I know no one always do the whole thing. We're back at the ranch house.

All right, look. Hoss is badly hurt. He's lost a lot of blood. He's just about near death. Red, everybody knows Red goddamn dead, but they can't prove it. And they want to go about it the regular old justice way, but Joe wants to kill Red. Say, here I am, I'm skipping through lots of stuff, important stuff.

But, all right, there's a great scene with the hotel clerk now. Oh yeah. Where Red, he's pulling up stakes and he tells him, hey, write it down where I'm going. I'm telling you right now exactly where I'm going, you write it down. And then Joe comes in and says, where's that Red? And the hotel clerk tells him, hey, write it down where I'm going. I'm telling you right now exactly where I'm going. You write it down. And then Joe comes in and says, where's that writ?

And the hotel clerk tells him just precisely where he was told him to go. And Adam's there too, once again. Adam did the same thing. I think the problem is you look at us when you're telling us. Where should I look? Here's what happened.

I look at the live streamers. And then, but they're not giving me anything back. And then I look at the screen and then it looks like you're looking at me again. Oh shit. No, go ahead and tell me. You're pulling. My question is, why does he give the forwarding address?

Forwarding. Well, here's what I thought was happening. He was saying to him, I'm pulling up stakes. I know people who's looking for me. Here's where I want you to tell them that I went. And I figured it was going to be a lie where he says he was going. But actually, no, it was the truth. And he wanted to make sure that the people looking for him came to where he was so that he could ambush him, I think. I guess so. I guess so. But then he didn't go through with that plan. Instead Instead he just went to the Ponderosa. I you know what? I don't know what was going on at that point

What good is the recap? Because maybe one of you two has some idea what's going on Are you just as confused as me? I don't know. I didn't watch it, so this recap is very helpful. You didn't watch it? No, I'm kidding. Of course I watched it. Well, maybe you don't have to because I am going to recap every single scene in detail. It's my passion.

All right. Okay, look, here's what's going to happen now. Round and third, the Cartwrights are racing to beat Red to the Ponderosa. They're going to cut them off. They know another way. Red gets to the Ponderosa before them. A ranch hand is coming out of the hand. What feels longer, the original episode or the recap? Oh, sorry. I was sleeping. I am using an economy of words to get this point out. There ain't no way to do it shorter.

A ranch hand. She did it in 15 seconds. Yeah, but nobody understood it. So if the ranch hand comes out, he's got three pieces of wood, not important. But he comes out and read this to him, hey, is Hoss in there? And the ranch hand gives him all the information that a murderer would need. He says, yes, Hoss is in there and the men are gone. And there's just a woman up there because Mary's come by. You maybe skip that. But then then Red shoots the ranch hand for no fucking reason.

No reason at all. At all. And then he goes into the ranch house. And now because Ben is off to get the sheriff and the boys, of course, it was in Virginia. Anyways, now we got it's just Mary and Hoss is in the house. But now Hoss also comes in red and he's gonna, he wants to kill Hoss, cause he done heard that Hoss ain't fully dead yet.

By the way, Mary, at some point she says, I understand shooting him in the back cause he killed your brother, but to hang around town to make sure he's fully dead, that's sick. She draws a line there, a moral line. That's a weird line. Yep.

Also that she told Hoss that that guy wanted to die. Oh, did that already happen? Yeah, it did. That's a great scene too, where she says to Ben Cartwright, that's Paul, she says, you know what? My husband who he killed, he had, number one, he had a heart condition. He didn't have long to live. Number two, he's very self-destructive.

He wanted to die. And then Ben turns the horses, as you hear that, you didn't kill him. That wasn't her point. Her point was you killed him, but it's okay. Cause if she's gonna kill anybody, making him. Making someone who's suicidal. Who's dying and is suicidal.

That ain't murder. Basically invented death by cop. Yeah. But Ben took it too far. He said, see that, you didn't kill anybody. That ain't murder. Ben invented death by cop. Yeah, but Ben took it too far. He said, see that? You didn't kill anybody. Yeah, you did. Unless we're meant to feel that his heart gave out on him. Oh.

Very well, could have been. Could have been. I would explain why he's dying. See, now this is the shit we should talk about. Okay, all right. You know, like on True Detective, everybody gets on Reddit and goes, I think that's Rust Cole's dad.

Everybody read True Detective? No, on Reddit. They got on Reddit. How can you? I'm actually surprised you don't know about Reddit. I know, you'd fit real well. You would fit Reddit. I would?

Yeah. Maybe y'all would find out about it. They'd take you right at home there. Is it on the iPhone? It could be. All right. I don't have one. What about you're saying people on Reddit talk about the truth?

Well, there's just in True Detective, there's all kinds of theories and conspiracies. Oh. The Tuttle Unlimited, that ties back to season one. Travis Cole, that's Rust's dad from season one. Oh. But with Bonanza, it's just kind of straight down the middle. But now here we got something that's ambiguous

and we can talk about it. Okay. Did he die of a heart condition or did Haas not know his own strength? I bet you Haas didn't even I think I think that what was the guy's name who died Twilight? Yeah Willie Willie. Sorry. I think he started himself to death. Oh my god Literally no evidence of that at all You didn't hear it any fart let alone a shit. That's a goddamn... Well, they took out the sound out of respect for the dead.

What are you talking about? You saying the actor died? He sharted himself to death. So many people died in the making of this episode, including my soul. And he sharted himself to death and then out of respect for the actor, they took out the sound. You're going to need to furnish me with some evidence of that before I believe it. And he sharted himself to death. And then out of respect for the actor, they took out the sound. So silence. You're gonna need to furnish me with some evidence of that before I believe it. I think it's ridiculous. I never heard it and nobody sharted him.

I watched the TikTok all about it. I'll send it to you guys. No, thank you. All right. Print it out. Print it out. Print it out. Print it out.

I'll fax it to you when you can print it out. Yeah, okay. Highlight the important parts. I might read those. Joe and Adam, blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay. What happens? Okay. Highlight the important parts. I might read those. Joe and Adam, blah, blah, blah. Okay. What happens? Okay.

Now Joe and Adam arrive at the ranch house. Yeah, I remember. Here's what happened. I know. I remember this. And they go in the house. And now- This is what I thought you were going to say.

Adam, old Red, turns around on the staircase and he gets the drop on Adam and I believe shoots him? Question mark. Anyway, he knocks him down and then Joe, but Joe's behind him having snuck in through the window and he jumps at him and now it's a real, that's a hell of a fistfight we get to see now. Nobody could be bored during this fistfight. A hell of a fistfight. Yeah. Rolling around. And I was shocked when he shot him. When the red shot Adam. Yeah. Oh yeah. These people, the number of goddamn bullets lodged in the bodies of the cartwrights.

No. Just, they jingle when they walk around. It's incredible. How do they ever fly and go through the metal detector? Well, I'll explain after when we're done. Okay. But anyway, at some point Joe has Red, and this would be a grisly killing if he went through with it because he's holding him by the hair with his pistol right up to his head

and he's calling him back shooter and he's about to shoot him. But Adam says, uh, don't. And then arrives on the scene, the sheriff and Paul and Joe makes like he never would have considered shooting red Twilight hands them over to the law. Right? Right. And then who comes out in a night gown, but haas. The best nightgown I've ever seen. Yeah. It's really a picnic table. He's wearing a picnic table when he comes out. Yeah, yep, he does look like a big old picnic table. And it was funny to see him like that. It looks like the nightgown you wear when you go to sleep.

Yeah. Well, that ain't a coincidence. Because you modeled it after him. I modeled it after him. You had it specially made. I had it specially made to look like him, except I never take off my damn boots as you well know. So I got on that nightgown and my boots. It has fake muscles inside of it too.

Stop that. Don't you go telling everybody. Well it does. Those are not fake. Those are shoulder pads. For comfort. Well that's the end of that goddamn episode and there's only 377 episodes left at this point because we've done recap already up 54, 55, four, five.

We've done 54 of them now. 54 plus 377 is 431. It all checks out. I want you guys to know there's rumors going on about both of you guys too. What do you mean by that? On the Reddit. What, on Reddit?

Yeah. Like what? That you guys actually hate each other. What are you talking about? That On the Reddit. What, on Reddit? Yeah. Like what? That you guys actually hate each other. What are you talking about? That's what they're saying online. That's a damn lie. That's patently false. Prove it.

What do you mean prove it? I mean, prove it. How? Exactly. That's what you have to do when there's conspiracy theories. No, the burden of proof is on them. Yeah, we're buddies.

We're buddies. No, everyone's guilty. No, we're forged in fire. Until proven innocent. Yeah, that's true. We're forged in fire. We got're buddies. Everyone's guilty. No, we're forced to fire. No, that's true. We got matching brands. That's right. Nexium sex brands. That's right. Yeah. We don't use them for that. What are those, volleyballs? Yeah, it's a little volleyball with a little pursed Keith Raniere lip print. It's really something special. Keith used to give those out. That poor guy. I feel so bad for that guy. No, isn't it too bad? It's really something special. He used to give those out. That poor guy, I feel so bad for that guy.

No, isn't it too bad? It's just like he could have played professional volleyball. I know, he really squandered it. Or at least he could have been like a college level coach. Or a model. He could have been a model. You think he could have been a model? Yeah, so cute.

He's so charismatic. He had the whole world. And then he had to start branding people. I'm telling you, the whole house of cards would have stood up forever if he didn't do that I hear really did take it and I mean we should know we were branded by him Yeah, but why didn't we say anything? I was fully committed. I didn't mind it. I could have gotten branded really young. Oh Yeah Alright, well young. Oh yeah. All right. Well, you've met my niece, Marky now, and I've learned a lot about you.

I have over this past. This may be the most we've ever talked. Well, I have a heart of gold. A heart of gold. Is that what you say? Yeah. Okay. Even though you do nothing but getting in trouble of all kinds. I'm actually like really having a nice time staying with you guys. Oh, that's nice to see. What's up next for you? What do you got planned? Basically I've been selling a lot of Dalton's guns.

Excuse me? Excuse me? They're selling really fast. You can't sell my goddamn guns. I'm just selling parts of the guns. What do you mean? That's even something, how even possibly worse? Just like the safety and uh...

Oh, this makes me mad. You're gonna chop extra firewood today this afternoon. Oh my God. And it's a hot day today too. You're gonna chop firewood to pay for those gun parts you sold, God damn it. At this rate, I swear to God, by the time you get your phone, nobody will be using them anymore. Alright. Dad damn it. I know I'm very mad. I'm mad about somebody. I've never seen you so riled up. This is special side. I kinda like it.

I tell you, parenting is the hardest job there is, I tell you what, it's true. And I'm getting a taste of it now. But you know what? What? You taught me something really important today. What's that? That old TV shows, even though they are trying to kill you, they're so boring. There is some things that are interesting about it.

Like nightgowns. Dalton? Yeah? What did you learn from her? What did you learn from me? Based on the quality of our young people, we are fucked. There, see? See that?

Wow, you know what? You guys killed me. I'm absolutely done. What do you mean? I'm gonna sell. That's a compliment. I'm selling all your boots. That's what's up next. Oh, you're gonna have to take them off my dead goddamn body.

That's for damn sure. Good luck with that, sweetheart. I tell you what. All right, well, next time you hear from us, one of us will probably be dead. But that's an episode of Bananas for Bananas. Anybody got anything to plug? Don't go plugging your goddamn illegal bikinis.

Yeah, you can buy some of my bikinis at- No you can't. L-I-L-Y-Y-L-Y on social media. What is it? L-I-L-Y-L-Y. L-I-L-Y-Y-L-Y. L-I-L-Y-Y-L-Y on social media. What is it? L-I-L-Y-Y-L-Y. L-I-L-Y-Y-L-Y. L-I-L-Y-Y-L-Y. Is that a Paul Simon song?

La la la. The Senator? Yeah. But I'm talking about the Senator, Paul. Yeah. Oh, I thought you meant the song was called The Senator. That's the boxer. No, it was the Senator's campaign slogan.

L-I-L-Y-Y-L-Y. Wait, the song The Boxer by the Senator Barbara Boxer. Right. But the Senator Paul Simon. Yes. Yeah. Okay, we got it. Okay.

Alright folks, thanks so much for tuning in. We'll see you next time. Now get. Bye now. That's a whip instead of a gun just like in the song The Senator. I love it. Bananas for Bananzas brought to you by Andy Daly with Matt Gourley. Theme song by Matt Gourley with The Journey, which in this case are Mark McConville, Daniel Michikoff and Wade Wright.

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