Bonanas for Bonanza - Bonanas For Bonanza Episode #56: “The Rescue”

Episode Date: April 2, 2025

Subscribe to The Andy Daly Podcast Project at Patreon.com/AndyDaly It’s always a good time when all three Cartwright boys are pinned down by rifle fire in a box canyon. Dalton and Mutt bestow the rank of Colonel on themselves, consider which part of a well digger’s body would be coldest and do some digging themselves - into the heavy themes of Bonanza Season 2, Episode 23, “The Rescue”.Featuring Matt GourleyMerch: redbubble.com/people/ADPodProject/shopMail: PO Box 9407 Glendale, CA 91226Email: [e-mail]’s website: andydaly.comRecord date: 3/6/2024 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

With the Fizz loyalty program, you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan. You know, for texting and stuff. And if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan, you're not with Fizz. Switch today. Conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. father. So good to see you missy experience the thrilling new series. He said he killed another woman inspired by a true life story. If I don't deal with him, he will never leave us alone. You don't see how the birds sing to you. Anna Lee Ashford and Dennis Quaid star I am not responsible

for what my dad did. Let's go on how you hoped. Happy face new series now streaming exclusively on Paramount Plus. how you hoped. Happy Face, new series now streaming exclusively on Paramount+. other week. If you want to hear them earlier and ad free, please subscribe to patreon.com andydaily. You'll also find the entire archive there, as well as two bonus podcasts, access to the discord, and more. Subscribe today and now enjoy this episode of Bananas for Bonanza. Oh, Nanza, it's the finest show alive So consult your TV guide, get your great outdoors I'm bananas for bananas. Where we go? We're beginning the podcast proper with a hey!

Ha! Hot damn! Yeah! Oh man! Wow! Look at that bullwhip go. You really know how to use that thing. Well, I saw Dune Two in Harkonnen Rabban uses, you know, a bullwhip of sorts

and really got me going. Is that an actor or a character? Harkonnen Rabban? Character Rabban Harkonnen, I guess it's Dave Bautista. Oh, Dave Bautista. Was he in the first one? Yeah. I saw that first Dune.. Was he in the first one? Yeah. I saw that first duty. Who was he in the first one? He's the big harkening bald guy that he, his mouth is always open. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Real good. Brother, man. Oh man. Yeah. I liked that first one. I was told it takes place in a, in the high desert.

Yeah, it seems like it. But I don't know to Yeah, it seems like it. But I don't know to what planet it's on though. You know what I mean? They say the planet, don't they? It's Arrakis. Arrakis. Yeah, that's not our planet of Earth.

Where to my opinion, true Western takes place on Earth. God damn it. That's right. Well, but I did enjoy it. I did enjoy it. I was intrigued by it. You know what? I'd love to have that power just to tell somebody to do something and they have to do it.

Yeah, that would be nice. Boy, wouldn't that be good? What would you do? If you had that power, what would you do? I guess I'd, I don't know, I'd walk into a bank. I'd say, give me all your money. Something like that. Your voice gets real weird. Yeah. And Whaley C. Doom too, because there's another version of that that Mother Jessica does that's straight out of The Shining. Oh, really?

Tommy from The Shining. Does it work on worms? Can you tell a worm what to do? I don't believe you can, but you can ride a sandworm. Brother. Hey, what about, okay, tremors and dune? Okay. Is it the same worms? You know what I mean? If I was a guessing man, in dune, it's so far in the future, but we're still talking about humans. Okay, yeah, we are, huh? Maybe sandworms and dune are the descendants of the tremors on Earth, just like the humans in Dune are. So the giant tremors worms traveled out to space along with humans.

Maybe some of the humans came with it, brought them with them in their spice travels. In their spice travels, right. Okay, sounds good. I choose to believe it. But I was actually asking, is it the same worm actors? That's what I meant. And should we play, you'll never believe how old this worm actor is. It's a real quick, uh, six degrees of separation of Kevin Bacon between Dune and Kevin Bacon. You can go Timothy Chalamet to the worm to Kevin Bacon. That's right. Now the worms and tremors are a lot smaller than the worms in Dune,

but there is a small worm in Dune too, so maybe they are. Maybe they are the same worm actors. Okay. Because without the worm, if it's ain't the same worm actors, probably take a long time to get from Timothy Chalamet to Kevin Bacon. Right. Because he's so new and Bacon, he's still out there working, but Chalamet's so new, right? But you literally, yeah, you literally got Kevin Bacon in Tremors. That's what I'm saying.

And Tim is, oh man, how about that? Yeah. I wonder what else them worms have been in. You know what I mean? Because that's a good connector. Yeah, because there's those little worms in Star Trek 2, the Wrath of Connico in your ears. That could be them. Isn't there some worms in the Princess Bride too?

No, those are rodents of unusual size. Yeah, I'm thinking of the rodents. Yeah, all right. Well, all right. But hey, that's not the topic of our discussion today. This is Bananas for Bananza, man. Hey, everyone, we'll do it early. Hello, friend. Come on in. The gate is open wide. Welcome to Bananas for Bonanza, episode 56 in which we are discussing the 55th episode of Bonanza, which is season two, episode 23, The Rescue. We don't have a guest today. You know why we don't have a guest today? Why? Because I said to myself, two episodes ago of this show, we were talking about a guy who directed the episode

who was Quentin Tarantino's favorite director. And I says, well, God damn it, Quentin Tarantino ought to be a guest on Bananas for Bananas. So I reached out to his people. And as this episode's getting closer and closer to happening to happen, I'm not hearing from him. I'm not hearing from him. And as of now, I still haven't heard from him. I'm having trouble divining whether you're telling the truth,

but there's part of me that believes if he knew about it, he would actually do it. I do believe so. I get the feeling that Clinton Tarantino is a big fan of Bonanza. Did you really reach out? I did. I reached out to whoever's listed on IMDB, but I ain't hearing nothing. Oh, that's too bad. I can reach out to whoever's listed on IMDB, but I ain't hear nothing. Oh, that's too bad. So I don't know. If anybody listening represents Quentin Tarantino

for appearing on podcasts, get him on here. So I'm not gonna go so far as to say that I will not book another guest until we get Quentin Tarantino on here, but I don't want to. But I'll leave that threat dangling by a thread. Man, how about that for a threat for Quentin Tarantino? Listen to me, Tarantino,

I am not booking any other guests until you appear on this podcast. I've got Spielberg, Scorsese. I've got these people lined up and raring to go, and I can't use them. And they're begging to be on this show and it's you are holding them up. Denis Villeneuve, clear some things up about Dune 2, the director of Tremors, whoever that may be. Who directed Dune 2? Denis Villeneuve? Denis Villeneuve. Never heard of him.

Sure he has. He directed Dune 1 too. This is his big pet project. Oh, it is. He did a rival, Sicario. Oh, I like them movies. Yeah, he's good. Yeah.

He's French though. Oh, okay. He's bad. Hey, let's open our Schlitz's. How about it? One, two, three. Beautiful. Get a Schlitz.

I'm thirsty for Schlitz. That is a lemony Schlitz. Yeah. What? Lemony Schlitz.ony schlitz. Yeah. What? Lemony schlitzing. Lemony schlitzing? This episode, folks, has everything.

It's got the entire regular cast. Did you notice that? Wow. Even Hop Singh. Even Hop Singh has got no women. It has an epic old man fist fight. So the regular cast. Yeah.

There's an old man fist fight that goes and goes, plenty of gun fighting, and the revelation of a new superpower for Hoss. You see that? He can smell food up to, I'd say 15 miles away. That's farther than a dog can do. He's proto-Wolverine. Cause it also doesn't seem to be affected much by bullet wound. No, that's true.

It didn't bother him too much. It was a clean in and out and he had, he didn't want to even try to walk, but it was all right. This episode aired on February the 25th of 1961. Couple of big things happened that day. Number one was the premiere of the claymation television show, Davey and Goliath. Oh boy.

That's the day it aired. Wow. 61? 1961, Feb 25. This was a production of the United Lutheran Church in America. Yeah. And it was a syndicated TV show. And you know what?

They didn't accept any money for it. Is that right? They said, you may have this show for free. Just put it on the television. Oh, they know what they were doing. That free, just put it on the television. Oh, they know what they were doing. That explains why anybody put it on the television. It was done by Art Cloakey, who did Gumby. That's right.

And it was a full claymation. I watched the first episode last night. I said, I'm going to see what was on in the morning. Did you watch it when you were a kid? Because I remember it well. I know I definitely stumbled upon it. I think it was inter-schmangled in with various enjoyable kids programming. So it'd be like, well, I mean, it's claymation and that's interesting. Yeah. It's definitely the medicine and the spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down. Yeah, but this episode, what happens in the first episode of Dave and Glove,

is Davey, first of all, I guess it's his sister, who's a real pain in the ass. She's a real mean girl. And he's got a real control airplane and it flies into a tree, but it almost hits his sister and she's all mad and whatever. And what is it? Oh, he's getting a, his dad's going to help him with a ladder and somehow his dad says something about how God cares about him. So, oh, I don't know. But anyway,

it leads to a flashback of Davy and Goliath getting lost in a cave. And that's the name of the episode, Lost in a Cave. And it's, I mean, the God element is very small. Really? It's just a pinch of it. It's just, let's tell a story about a time you was lost in a cave, and Goliath came to rescue you, and he also became lost. And a very committed cave rescue you, and he also became lost. And a very committed cave tour guide saved your life. That's the story. And then there's a little bit of a, and that, the way that that guide cared for you, that's how God cares for you. That's all. So they just slipped it in. They slipped it in real sneaky like. Just the tip.

Just the very tip of Jesus. But it's bad. It's real bad. It's funny how bad it is. All right. The other thing that happened this day, I never knew this. Now Elvis Presley, it seems like we're talking about Elvis a lot, but that's because people love Elvis so much that if you look up a date, any date during Elvis's lifetime, somebody has told you what he was up to that day. I wish it was the case with everybody. I wish you could find, I wish somebody kept a like a, here's what John Wayne did every day of his life.

Here's what Art Clokey was doing on September 15th, 1963. I'd love to know, right? You ought to be able to do that. But there is stuff like that for Elvis. So on this day of February 25th, 1961, in recognition of his achievement of selling over 75 million records, RCA held a luncheon at a hotel in Memphis where they presented him with a diamond watch and a plaque. Also Tennessee Governor Buford Ellington made Elvis an honorary

Colonel by giving him the title Colonel A. DeKamp on the governor's staff. I never knew that Elvis was honorary Colonel by giving him the title Colonel Aide De Camp on the governor's staff. I never knew that Elvis was a Colonel. No, but didn't he have a Colonel? His manager was Colonel Tom Parker. That's right. And his manager led him around by the nose his whole life.

But now I find out that they were of equal rank. Yeah, and I wonder if that allowed him to finally be free or at least make a lateral move away from Colonel Tom Parker. No, I don't believe so. He was stuck with Colonel Tom Parker for the rest of his life and the Colonel telling him what he could and could not do. I'll bet cause he's a Colonel aided to camp and I bet Colonel Tom Parker was a full bird Colonel and he would have lowered that overhead.

Is that what it is? They're both honorary Colonel's I believe. I believe Colonel Tom Parker was a Kentucky Colonel. Fuck it, you know what? I'm a Colonel. Yeah, man. I'll be a Colonel too. Yeah.

I'm a Colonel, not aide de camp, I'm a Colonel de camp. What's up with colonels and how you can just, that's the only rank you can just go around calling yourself. Colonel Sanders was an honorary Kentucky Colonel. If you're the governor of one of them Southern states, evidently, I didn't even know that Tennessee was handing out Colonel C's, but you can make somebody a Colonel. California got a Southern aspect to it. I'm a Colonel, Colonel Mutt Taylor. Okay. And I'm Colonel Dalton Wilcox. Oh, I like the sound of it. Colonel Wilcox, Colonel Taylor.

Okay, God damn it. Let Wilcox, Colonel Taylor. Okay. God damn it. Let's do it. All right. Fuck it. We're colonels now. Let's launch some nukes. Yeah.

Let's invade China. Right. Why not? They've been a thorn in my side too long. Hey, the number one movie in the country was still Misfits. There's something I forgot to tell you about Misfits last time we talked about. Oh, you weren't. Yeah. I'm curious what I missed fun facts wise. Okay. Yeah. The movie in the country was still Misfits. There's something I forgot to tell you about Misfits last time we talked about. Oh, you weren't here.

Yeah. I'm curious what I missed fun facts wise. Okay. Yeah. Well, Misfits is enjoying two weeks at the top of the bug. So this is directed by John Huston. Oh, Marilyn Monroe is in it. And what's his name there?

Clark Gable. It's his last movie. Well, no, you were here. Yeah, that's been around for a couple of weeks. Yeah. We talked about it. Anyway, what I didn't mention about it was that there's, okay, I'll just read it like it says it in the thing here.

Okay. Marilyn Monroe, okay. In August of 2018, an unreleased nude scene where Marilyn Monroe exposes herself, which was thought to have been lost, was discovered. She drops a bed sheet and exposes herself. The footage was not included in the film and was believed to have been destroyed by Houston,

but the footage was saved by Misfits producer, Frank Taylor, and is currently in the position of his son, Curtis Taylor, who has kept the footage in a locked cabinet since his father's death in 1999. Wow. I don't like any part of that. But I know, I know now the McGuffin for the next Indiana Jones movie. They got to get their hands on it.

It's a 45 second sequence of her being totally naked in that movie. Fully frontal? Here's what happened. From what I can glean from this dude, Curtis Taylor, who by the way, I mean, he's a photographer living somewhere, I forget. How many times has he had a dinner party, got a little loose on wine and said, who wants to see the Marilyn Monroe nudes from the mills? Of course. I keep it under wraps so as to respect her, but want to see it? He's been a locked cabinet.

That son of a bitch, he's been dining out on that for decades. He's like a low grade Jeffrey Epstein. Very low grade, yeah. He doesn't have his own island. He's lucky to have his own house. He only has his own cabinet. He got one cabinet. He lives in the locked cabinet with the footage. But what was it all going to talk about? Oh, what happened?

She's in one of them scenes. You've seen this in movies before. She is by the script, naked under a bed sheet because she has just made love to Clark Cable, who by the way, died a month after shoot. And you see pictures of him and it's like, he shouldn't be making love to a married woman, bro. He's not in shape. But she is under bed sheet naked. And then, I guess the way the scene was blocked, John Huston told her, all right, well, you're going to put a shirt on and just do it under the sheet.

And she was like, why would I do that? I'm here alone with the man I just made love to. Why would I hide myself under a sheet to get dressed? You would do that if you were in a movie, not if you were in life. And she said, f**k it, and dropped the sheet and got dressed in full view of the camera. Now this is her telling this story or is this the guy that owns the footage? I forget who's the of it it is. It might be him.

You're right. Yeah, that's right. It makes it sound like she was desperate to be nude on camera. Maybe it didn't quite go that way. I maybe wonder if he switched perspectives on that. Oh, that could be. Who knows though. Yeah, she could have been there going, tell you what, why don't I get

dressed under the sheets, darling? No, but it't I get dressed under the sheets? Darling, no. But it didn't get used in the picture, you know? It's interesting. Wings of a Dove by Ferlin Husky, hanging on number one country song, Cow Cut Up by Lawrence Welk, hanging on as the number one song in the country. Oh, what's, I'm curious by that.

It's, well, we'll have Martin McCarnival bring it up here. Here you go. Oh there it is. That's beautiful isn't it? It is and I'll tell you what, oh man we were forced to watch some Lawrence Welk by my grandparents when I was a kid. Oh really? And then something clicked a couple years ago where I says, you know I don't so much hate Lawrence Welk or Burt Camphor. Put it on in the background at certain times of day. It rests a fella's mind. Yeah. And that's when I knew I was done. Yeah, put him out to pasture.

Yep. Well, this was old Lawrence Welk's biggest hit song, Cow Cut Up. Is that right? And he was 57 years old. Okay. And that made him the oldest person with a number one song. Here to four? Up to that point really yeah

1961 nobody older than 57 had been to the top of the charts before wow That's a felt like a man reborn Yeah, yeah now the record has been beaten two times Okay, it was beaten not too long after it was set by, I want to say, not Duke Ellington, not Disney, who's the guy with the deep throat? Oh, Louis Armstrong. I think it was him. Was it? We have all the time in the world? I don't remember. We find it but okay, but it recently got we talked about this last week. It recently got Blown out of the water a 78 year old reached the top of the charts in December of 2023

You do the rest of the work. Who was it 78? 78 year old top of the charts December 2023 who was Now the listeners already know. How do they know? Well we talked about it last week. Oh okay. I think I revealed it last week. Is it a Christmas song? It's a Christmas song. Is it a man? It ain't a man. 78? I think so. I think she's 78.

Cher? Yes, no. 78 year old, shit I just had her name, rocking around the Christmas tree, Brenda Lee. Oh, Brenda Lee? Yeah. Really? Yeah, last time, Martin McConnerville gets her right.

Did she do a re-release? No, she didn't do nothing. She's just sitting around the Lee manner, well, trying to get her nails did or whatever goes on. And big on TikTok, I bet. Something like that. And somebody must have called her up and said, guess what, you're at the top of the charts.

She was like, fuck, that's bullshit. How did that happen? Brenda Lee, tiny little show. Tiny, teeny, tiny Brenda Lee. You know what they don't have, you could look for it all day online. They don't have a site that tells you what Brenda Lee has been up to every day of her life.

I'd love that. I'd love to know what she was doing. Same here. The day that her song hit number one. Was it number one the first time? I don't believe it even was. Hell. And you know what?

She recorded it when she was 13 years old. Come on. Yeah. That's fucked up. That's like the Nobel Prize. You know why scientists will make a discovery when they're like 24 and then when they're 88, somebody will say, hey, you won the Nobel Prize. We took us a while, but we figured out that was important.

That's like Paul Newman for color of money. Yeah, right. Exactly. Scorsese for the departed. Or John Wayne for true grit. And we'll talk about that in a little bit here. Anyway, that's Brando Lee. I'd like to know what she, I'd like to know, how come I can't find out what Brando Lee is up to right now? Let's call her. Get her on the goddamn phone. Maybe she's talking to

Quentin Tarantino about not doing this podcast. Hey, wait, celebrity birthday. We got a dilly. Yep. Born on February 25th, 1961 was American auto racer Davey Allison. He tried to pilot a helicopter and that was the end of his life, but he was real good at driving a car. All right, fun facts about this wonderful episode of- Now streaming. What do you know about the happy face killer? He's my father.

It's so good to see you, Missy. Experience the thrilling new series. He said he killed another woman. Inspired by a true life story. If I don't deal with him, he will never leave us alone. You don't see how the words sang to you. Annali Ashford and Dennis Quaid star. I am not responsible for what my dad did.

It's going how you hoped. Happy Face, new series now streaming exclusively on Paramount+. With the Fizz loyalty program, you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan. You know, for texting and stuff. And if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan, you're not with Fizz. Switch today. Conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. Nanza, do you know anything about Frances Farmer? You know anything about her?

Yeah, why do I know that name? That's not Clint Eastwood's wife, that's Frances Fisher. I don't know, but I don't think it's, maybe, I don't know. Maybe I'm thinking of Frances Fisher. I don't know who Frances Fisher. Then table that. Okay. Let's get to Frances Farmer.

Frances Farmer, okay. She was real interesting. Frances Farmer, she was an actress, a big actress in the 30s and 40s who did not give a shit. What do they say today? She had no fucks left to give us. Zero fucks left. Zero fucks left. She would just say whatever she wanted to say. She was an outspoken communist who took a trip to Moscow to receive some kind of award. It was side note. I have one fuck left to give,

but I'm saving it for something good. Save it. If you got only one fuck left. I haven't checked my fuck. I keep my fucks in a locked cabinet. I haven't checked them in a while. I hope I have a few. I got two fuck holsters and one of them sitting empty.

I don't know where you go to get more fucks. Well, uh, what was that? Okay. She's a communist and they told her to change her name because Francis Farmer sounds like an old lady. And she said, no, that's my name. Go get bent. Yeah. And then when she didn't like the movies they were giving her anymore, she said,

I'm on fuck off to New York city and join up with the group theater and hang out with Clifford Odets and be directed in a bunch of Elia Kazan plays. Uh oh. Takami's look out. So what they did in response to all that was to lobotomize her. It's unclear as to whether, but they definitely committed her against her will to a mental hospital. And by they, do you mean who? The Republicans? Barry Goldwater?

Yeah, all of them. Also her parents. And some accounts say she was lobotomized and some say she wasn't, but I guess she hosted a cable access show late in her life. And maybe if you could find footage from that, it would sell better. Are we talking like the 80s or something? Something like that. Yeah. No, she had a bad comeback attempt, I guess. I think I just gave my last fuck. Oh, no. Well, I mean, it was worth it.

Farmer, it was worth it. But during all that excitement, I just told you about Moscow and Clifford Odets and all that stuff. She was married to the fellow that played Josh Tatum in this episode of Bonanza. No kidding. What were some of her famous roles? I don't know. Okay.

I don't think I wrote them down. No, I didn't. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. She was in some stuff. People should look into her. Jessica Lange was in a movie about her. What was the movie?

I think it was just called Francis. Okay. But was she long time married to Tatum? Yeah, fairly long. Like maybe a decade. So she couldn't have been that on the edge if she could continue to have a functioning marriage? Sounds like she was having an affair with Clifford Odets while she was married to Leif

Erickson who played Josh Tatum. Wait, that's Leif Erickson but not the Explorer? I don't believe it's the same man who was a Viking and discovered North America before the Pilgrims did. Okay, well. I doubt it. I'd fact check it. We should fact check it, but I made the assumption that it wasn't him, but I guess I shouldn't

say. Leif Erikson, there's two of them. Leif Garrett, there's one. And there's worms in Tremors and Dooney, and we think maybe they may not be the same worms. We don't know. So it's confusing, but who has time to chase every one of these threads? I tell you. Now here's an interesting detail too. On the same day that Leif Erikson divorced Francis Farmer, he married his next wife the very same day. How do you do that the same damn day? Wow.

I mean, it's almost impressive. It really is. It takes a lot of, well, a lot of time at the county courthouse, I guess is what it is. Yeah. Wow. Okay. So they didn't have a great marriage. I don't think so, but his, that marriage only lasted 28 days, that second one. And then he had a few others. He was a real piece of work, I guess. He was in some great movies such as The Gay Intruders, The Lady Gambles, Never Wave at a Whack, Women's Army Corps. Oh yeah, Williams, Women's Auxiliary Corps. Something like that. And a movie called Our Husband's Necessary in 1942, the same year that he divorced Francis

Farmer and married his next wife. Boy, man, that's a slap in the face coming from both sides. So he had an interesting life and every bit of it is evident on his face in this episode of An Answer. You could say that again. Yeah. In his tone too, there feels like something that's not all acting. He's tired.

He's like, man, I put one wife in a mental hospital and another one dispatched after 28 days. Whoo-wee! All right, Jake Moss was played by Richard Coogan, who cares, but I saw he was on a TV show that did 256 episodes in a year. And I'm like, what the hell is going on? It was a soap opera, damn it, called The Clear Horizon.

Then you got a guy named Jack, Bert Douglas, who played Jack Tatum. He was in a movie called Zebra in the Kitchen, 1965. Okay. You want to know what that's about? I mean, it pretty much tells you. I guess so. What's the zebra doing in the kitchen? Is he cooking or is he causing trouble?

You got to watch the movie. Yeah, we got to find out. Spoiler. Yeah. Then we got, he was also in something called True Grit, A Further Adventure. That was a 1978 TV movie. Whoa. It's a sequel to True Grit, which I never knew this before already had another sequel.

Really? So John Wayne makes True Grit, and it's based on a novel and it's very similar to If You've Seen the Coen Brothers True Grit. Both of them are quite loyal to the novel. In the John Wayne True Grit, you got Robert Duvall and Dennis Hopper in there. It's a hell of a movie. And John Wayne won an Oscar for it, he did. And then he did a sequel to it with Katharine Hepburn in 1975.

John Wayne did. Oh, is that Rooster Cogburn? That's what it's called. Oh, right. You seen that one? No, but I know of it. I ain't seen it. Now I'm curious.

Apparently it wasn't very good, but John Wayne and Katharine Hepburn, I guess, had some chemistry in there. I'll bet. And then they did the, what is it, the Further Adventures of Mr. Grit? What is it? Well, for TV, they did True Grit, A Further Adventure. This is like, do you realize there's vacation? There's European vacation, Christmas vacation, Vegas vacation.

Oh boy. Then the legacy sequel vacation, and the very, how would you describe it? Seldom heard of Christmas vacation two with just Randy Newman. It's called like Cousin Eddie in Paradise or something like that. Apart from that one, is Chevy chasing all the other ones? I believe he has at least a cameo in the Legacy sequel and he's in the original four. They should try one where they don't go on vacation. Staycation.

Yeah. Hey, wait a minute. That's not a bad idea. National Lampoon staycation. They're all still alive. Get the original Russ and Audrey back. Yeah. Anthony Michael Hall seems like he has kept his sense of humor. Does he? No. Oh, I haven't kept up with Anthony Michael Hall.

But I believe, I think the original Audrey is in Christmas Vacation 2. You're talking about the plant from Little Shop of Horrors? No, no. Oh. I'm talking about the daughter Audrey. Oh, from Vacation? Yeah. Okay.

And that's not the same actor that played the plant in Little Shop? No, nor is it the same actor who played Audrey in any of the other movies because they changed them every movie. They did? Uh-huh. They got changed in ages sometimes and one was older and younger. Good Lord. Juliette Lewis was one of them. She was. Sure. Wow.

So was Johnny Galecki. Johnny Galecki was one of them? So was Ethan Embry. There's so much I don't know about these movies. Yeah. I don't know that I saw European Vacation. I definitely saw Christmas Vacation. Yeah. But those other ones you mentioned, never saw Vegas vacation. I think it pretty much takes the same Sort of trail of quality as the diehard movies it goes one three Two four one three two in terms of quality. Yeah, although you got some extra diehard on the end There's a five die. Well, I guess that'd be

Vacation. Yeah. Well, I'll tell you what they put in the trailer for Christmas vacation, they've gone and they've cut down a Christmas tree and brought it in the house. And don't you know it has a goddamn squirrel in it. I saw that in the trailer. I said, shit, I'm going to see that movie. Laugh, old face. Because I've wondered that sometimes. I said, what if there is some kind of wildlife in your Christmas tree?

A bear. Yeah, you could end up with a goddamn bear in your Christmas tree if it's big enough. Yep. Well, that movie answers the question for anybody else that's curious. Let's see here. We got a guy named Joe Patrick who played Gus Tatum. This is his only bonanza. He had no screen credits after 1965, which I'm just going to tell you that accounts for

a lot of my time over the past three days to figure out what the fuck happened to Joe Patrick. No kidding. I'm afraid so. I didn't do too good. He did die just last year. Yeah, but he was involved in a theater company that I couldn't find existed. His obituary was very vague.

But anyway. Ain't that curious. He had a long life. But he eluded me on Google. Maybe he just quit the business and had a happy existence with a nice family. That's what I'd like to believe. I suppose so. However, he died in Encino.

Oh, so no. He was divorced, penniless, drunk. And trying to get an agent right up to the end. Oh dear. Who knows? I'll bet he was living in a beige apartment. Oh Lord. Vertical blinds.

Vertical blinds. Oh Lord. We all, all the garage doors face each other. I know it. I know it will. Ron Hayes played Johnny Reed. This is his second of six bonanzas. He was in the very second episode of a television program called The A-Team. Oh wow. The title of that episode is The Children of Jamestown.

Oh. And the plot is that the A-Team is hired to rescue a girl from a religious cult. And they end up taking down the whole cult. And it was directed by Christian Nibby, who's directed so many episodes of Bonanza as a matter of fact. Yeah. Can you believe it?

But, uh, I've only seen still images from this episode of Bonanza and they're all in like, um, Brown, brown, heavy wool like fryer gardens. That sounds vaguely familiar to me. I started washing all the A-teams again about, I don't know, 15 years ago. I didn't get all the way through, but I'm sure I saw that because it started from the beginning. It's funny to me to think of B.A. Barakas busting in on a bunch of friars firing the guns at them. That's good television. It's better than Sam and Slammy's stunt show spectacular.

I'll tell you that much. Brother. Yeah, that left a bad taste in my mouth. Yeah, me too. Oh, well. This guy also, Ron, he was an environmental activist and is one of the founders of Earth Day. Isn't that nice? Oh, wow.

Do you know when the first Earth Day was? I was surprised. Is it like the nineties? Nope. It was 1970. Oh, okay. I didn't know it was that old. I feel like it didn't catch on until 1990.

Yeah. Cause of that, that song. Oh, you know, what's the song? Happy birthday. Happy Earth Day. Merry Christmas to what ever... No. Today is Earth Day, happy birthday, Merry Christmas to who's ever being born.

I never heard that song. It was some 90s song. Yeah. Happy, Merry Christmas to whoever's being born. Something like that. That doesn't make any sense. Somebody put it in the comments. Someone out there remembers it. Who was that? That doesn't make any sense. Somebody put it in the comments. Someone out there remembers it.

Who was that? Happy birthday, happy Earth Day. It goes, happy Earth Day, happy birthday to whosoever. Maybe that Christmas line isn't in there. Happy birthday to whoever's being born. Happy birthday, Merry Christmas, happy Earth Day, happy birthday to whoever's being born. Oh, I don't know. Earth Day was inspired by the moon landing and the famous image of the earth from the moon.

Oh, how nice. Oh, okay. Yeah, that checks out. It was the very next year. Why do I feel like whoever sang that song also did the cover of signs, signs, everywhere were signs blocking up the scenery make extreme They did that I believe so I don't think extreme did the other song. All right, we'll find out Well, yes, we were or was it Nelson. No

I get Nelson and extreme mixed up. Sorry boys You're talking about Matthew and Gunner versus Nuno Betancourt and Gary Sherrill Wow Yeah You're talking about Matthew and Gunner versus Nuno Betancourt and Gary Sherrill. Wow. Yep. Yep. Wow. All right. Let's get into the goddamn recap of this. If you're watching the comments like a hawk to find out who wrote the Happy Birthday Happy

Earth Day song. Yeah. Nothing yet. Nobody's got to get. We'll keep you posted as this story develops. Okay. Alright. No, there's a message retracted which makes me think someone did write it and then the CIA got involved.

Oh no. Message retracted. It's your birthday. Happy Earth Day in parentheses sung by Arnold McCuller. Arnold McCuller? I don't know if it's that one. I thought it was more like a glam rock band. Huh. Alright, I'm gonna get to the ball All right, he's all

Wanted done right gotta do it your damn self All right. Hey, that's one of the themes of this episode by the way Now streaming what do you know about the happy face killer? He's my father So good to see you messy Experience the thrilling new series. He said he killed another woman. Inspired by a true life story. If I don't deal with him, he will never leave us alone.

You don't see how the world's saying to you. Anna Lee Ashford and Dennis Quaid star. I am not responsible for what my dad did. Is this going how you hoped? Happy Face, new series now streaming exclusively on Paramount+. With the Fizz loyalty program, you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan. You know, for texting and stuff. And if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan, you're not with Fizz.

Switch today. Conditions apply. Details at Fizz.ca. Okay, this episode begins with a father and his two sons on a shitty farm and they are a family of assholes. That's for sure. Josh, Jack and Gus. Drama-rama! Drama-rama! Merry Christmas, happy, um, it's April 21st and everybody knows today is Earth Day. Merry Christmas, happy birthday to who's ever been born.

Man, if you want your holiday to- Right now drama, right? Whoops, sorry. What are we gonna do? Here it comes. The video begins with a beautiful shot of Earth from space. It's April 20th.

It's April 21st. It's April 21st and everybody knows today is Earth Day. Merry Christmas and happy birthday to whoever's being born. And now we're trying to... Yeah. That's hard to take serious. You really have to work hard to take that song serious. Lord almighty.

What else was Drama Rama known for? I don't feel I've ever, I mean, I feel like I've heard the name. Yeah. Maybe that's their biggest hit. It's a bad name for a band. Yeah, it ain't a great one. Let's see. I wonder if Drama Rama and Banana Rama had beef.

Boy, they got in a big fight over like which pronunciation of a should he do? Is it Rama or Rama? Let's settle this tonight with knives. They're from New Jersey drama Rama, alternative rock. I mean, I'd have to come down on, on banana, banana, banana Rama, banana Rama.ama, their side. I was a big fan of Bananarama. Yep, in a fight between Bananarama and Dramarama, I'd take the former.

Anything, anything. Oh, that was their other song. Anything was their other song? I'll give you anything, anything. Diamond Rings, I think it was a cover. Oh, sounds a little familiar. Yeah. All right, well, they're in the dustbin of history where they belong, except that they

promoted Earth Day and that I guess was good. I had a crush on all the Bananaramas, but I think it was collectively because when I would separate one from the other, I lost my attraction. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Do you ever have that issue? Okay. I can't think of a time when I have, but it sounds like you needed all of them or none of them.

Yeah, that's fair, right? I guess that's a reasonable demand. 10-year-old, that's fair to ask. They've got a shitty Christmas song, right? Happy Christmas, Happy Christmas. I think I'll skip this one this year. I think that's a banana ram. Isn't that the, Happy Christmas?

Yeah. Happy Christmas? No, that's the, is that the Sundays? Or the waitresses? No, it ain't the Sundays. It's a banana Rama. Isn't that this happy Christmas? Yeah, happy Christmas No, that's the is that the Sundays or the waitresses? It's the waitresses you think is the waitresses Merry Christmas Merry Christmas, and I think I'll skip this one. Are you sure it's not banana Rama? I'm I'm pretty sure it's alright the waitresses. All right fine. You seem certain enough. Okay I mean, I think I brought it up on here before but they also have a song called Robert De Niro's waiting Robert De Niro's waiting who Robert DeNiro's Waiting? Who's got that song?

Bananarama. Oh yeah, that sounds right. Speaking Italian, talking Italian, Robert DeNiro's waiting. He's not waiting anymore. He just says, yes, I'll do that movie. He's not waiting for good roles anymore. Oh yes, and I digress. He used to, well anyway, here we are. It's Bonanza.

We're talking, oh, hello friend. Well, no, I did it already. They get, okay, it's a, oh Lord. These boys, they've been wants people, okay, here's the deal. These Tatums, they have fenced themselves off some land, a part of which is actually on Ponderosa land. Is it a quarter mile in or something?

A quarter mile in, good lord. I think the whole thing, isn't the whole thing in there? It sounds like maybe not all of it, but maybe you'll, anyway, Ben Cartwright has been aware of this for a long time and he hadn't said a word. He's a very reasonable man. Now these guys have 40 head of cattle they're going to sell. It seems like that was stolen from the cartwrights, but for sure Ben Cartwright rides up on them

just as they're dragging out a hide from a that's got the brand on it from the Ponderosa. Ben Cartwright's like, hey man, you stole a cow for eating from the Ponderosa and you're welcome to our eating cows if you just ask me nicely. Right, which I think seems kind and generous, but we are getting to a point, two seasons almost fully in,

where yes, the cart rights have legal right of claim. Okay. But the amount of people saying, you high and mighty cart rights and all your cattle and all your land does start to make you think, off camera, maybe the cartwrights aren't so nice. That's true. There's a lot of hostility toward the extraordinary amount that the cartwrights possess. You might even call them one percenters.

Oh, I'd say for sure. Yes, indeed. But Ben Cartwright is being overly reasonable, more than patient with Josh Tatum saying, I don't care that you're encroaching on my land and that you occasionally, maybe you will steal a cow and eat it, but you've got to ask me for, or whatever. But even that, bending over backwards, Josh says, oh, you are walking around, pushing people around, you're all high and mighty. Right. And then it's fistfight time and the two of them go at each other. And I mean, there's only like two or three moments where you see a full face shot of

the stunt man. Other than that, it's well done. It's real well done. And they go at it for a long time and Josh's sons just stay in there, you know, they watch it until a crucial moment when they hold back Ben's arms. And then the fight is over pretty soon and Ben loses. If it wasn't for his sons jumping in and holding back Ben's arms, I believe Ben would have won. But the conclusion of that fight is that Ben got his ass kicked by his old man Josh, but Josh comes away with it with respect.

He says, don't laugh at him. That was a tough fight. He's a tough son of a bitch. Let's not underestimate Ben Carbide. Right. Now we go to the, uh, uh, Ponderosa ranch house. All three boys are having, I thought it must've been dinner, but then at some point they say, come on, sit down and have some breakfast.

I don't understand. Does that mean Paul was out all night? I can't tell. I guess, or he was out so early. He got out real, I don't know, but anyway, appears to be breakfast. They are real worried about their Paul. They think he's doing too much. They think he's old and he needs to slow down.

And so they come to, and they, they, he comes in and they notice that he lost a fight, right? They'd say to him, hey man, you need to slow down. Let us do stuff. I cannot wait until the day my kids tell me that. Oh man, won't that be nice? Yeah. But Ben Cartwright didn't seem relieved by it really. He seemed like he put on a show saying, sounds good. I'll stay here while the three of you go out and confront them cattle rustlers, because we've lost 200 head of cattle that we have. And you all got to go out and confront them rustlers. Somebody needs to stay back at the Ponderosa and okay, fine, it'll be me. I'll just kick back and relax. But then as soon as they leave, he has a moment of, I'm not sure what, but is he wondering whether

his boys are up to the job or is he feeling useless? It's not a happy moment. He has a private moment of discontent, let's say. But now our three boys, they go after these rustlers into a canyon. I mean, they pretty much know it's a trap. They're walking into Box Canyon like that, but they say, all right, well, let's go in and be trapped. And they do. And sure enough, they get fired on with rifles. They take up a cover in a spot. And they are just having the time of their lives, the three of them. Throughout the episode. They really are having a good time. They couldn't be happier and cracking jokes with one another. Every once in a while, a bullet will whiz by and hit a rock right behind them, but they're having a fine old time.

Hoss has been shot in the leg. No big deal. Yeah, it's no big deal. It's a clean in and out. It's fine. He'll be fine. Old Adam has to tear off his shirt and tie it around Hoss's leg. That seems to be the worst part about Hoss getting shot,

that Adam had to tear up his shirt. It's fine. It's funny. We're having a good time. Bang, bang, bang. Guns are getting shot. Luckily, these guys can't shoot for shit. Nope. Nope. Nobody can in the Box Canyon. Thank goodness. Meanwhile, back at the ranch house, Hop Singh is trying to feed Ben Cartwright, but Ben Cartwright is worried his boys have been gone longer than they said they'd be. Hop Singh says, worry, worry, you get billy ache, you better eat now. He's got, well, he's got great lines, doesn't he?

And then they joke around that if Hop Singh cooks up some food, Hoss is going to smell it and come on home. Yeah, and he does. And he fucking does. They weren't joking. The very next scene, Hoss is lying there. They're getting fired on and he smells the air and he says, oh, I think I smelled Hopsin's cooking. Damn right.

And Adam says, well, we're a half days ride away from the Ponderosa, which I reckon is about 15 or 20 miles, you know, on a horseback, you can get that far in a half a day, right? I think so. Why are they that far from the Ponderosa? Well, they're that far from the house, but the land is that vast. That's right. Okay.

But, and then not only that, he goes on to say, pork belly and sweet potatoes? And then you go back to the ranch house and Hop Singh says, here you go, pork belly and sweet potatoes. I mean, that's new information and it's important information. Is it the first introduction of supernatural ability on this show? Well, I mean, Hoss does seem to have unlimited strength. He's enchanted. He is enchanted with, yes, unlimited strength.

He can do any feat of strength that is required of him. So he is, but it doesn't require him to get mad Hulk style. So what would be a, is there a, like a permanent Hulk state? He's in a permanent Hulk state and has the power of super smell. Yeah. That's incredible. That's impressive. I mean, that's something.

So he's not, he's some kind of, I don't know, I'm starting to get a little bit worried about it because I've always said he's a benevolent monster. Worried. I'm more, more, I'm less worried than ever. Really? Well, he's just got more powers, more things at his disposal. Thank goodness. He'm more, more, I'm less worried than ever. Really? Well, he's just got more power. There's more things at his disposal.

Thank goodness he's on the right side every damn time. No, I know. I don't know what you'd do. He's half monster. I know. But he doesn't, he doesn't seem to have a single negative impulse, never. Ever. Always on the right side of everything.

Thank God. Well, now the bad guys decide to camp out. What are they trying to do? They're just trying to get some cattle where it needs to go, but now they're locked in a confrontation with the cart-wrap poison. The cattle can't move somehow or other. So they're camped out at night. One of the bad guys comes up to the fire and he says, it's colder than a well digger's

toenail out there. Yeah, I clocked that too and then I spent some time, mostly sleepless hours, in the middle of the night going, a well digger's toenail. A well digger's toenail. I mean, is that something we can Google? Oh, sure. Maybe it exists. I could see that a well digger's feet would get cold.

He's down there in the earth. He's digging in where there's underwater springs. First thing that comes up is colder than a well digger's arse. Okay, so maybe they cleaned it up for TV. It's colder than a well digger's ass out there. Yeah, but. That'd have been the expression.

I mean, they could have said hindquarters. They just completely changed it to a different part of the body But also one so specific a toenail. I'm toenail Well, I got a new way of telling people it's cold. I'll tell you that man It's colder than a well diggers toenail out there Well diggers bums stick up when they are digging and therefore get cold what so I guess I Get that you're bent over and your butt's sticking up but you don't dig a well doing a handstand so

just your toes sticking out. No you don't. And isn't it colder down in the well than up? That's what would have been my assumption. This is an idiom that needs to be retired. Yeah I guess so. All right that's ridiculous. Okay. All right so the bad guys are camping out there. Oh, I issue it. I didn't know if I was looking at Tatums or not, but it turns out, no, this is an enormous number of white men. There's six of them, six bad guys

who all pretty much look the same. Absolutely. I think you'd have to say. But it turns out these three guys that's trading shots with the Cartwrights is not the Tatums, but they are working with the Tatums. Yeah. Okay.

That took a little while to clean up. Johnny is the youngest of these three bad guys, and he is very confident he can take out Ben Cartwright. They figure Ben Cartwright's going to come looking for his boys, and Johnny says, oh, don't worry. I'll take him out. His boss man is like, oh, don't underestimate Ben Cartwright. It's true. True enough. Well, now it's morning and there's more gunfighting. And man, okay. Haas says that fella up there is

a good shot. Now there's no evidence of that. Nobody seems to be able to shoot. He says, but here's what he does. He fires a shot and then he ducks behind that rock every time and I can't get, he's too fast when he does it. So he's not a good shot, but he's a good hide after you shoot. And that's when Adam says, well, I'm pretty good at playing billiards and I'm about to play billiards with my rifle and I'm going to shoot that rock and I'm capable of calculating the bank shot of a bullet so precisely that I know I'll shoot him. He has a sense of snobbery too, because doesn't he say, while you guys were out poon tanging around, I was perfecting my billiard shot or something?

Exactly. So I have an understanding of geometry, physics, and stuff like that. and stuff like that, then I will, without a doubt, as long as I know where he is, I will be able to bank a bullet off of a rock into his body. Yeah. So why are you talking? Just do it. Just do it. And sure enough, he does it. Yeah, he does.

He shoots that son of a bitch in the arm. It was, that's, you got to call that trick shooting. Call it what it is. Right. Now, Ben has had it out with a giganical sandwich for Hoss. Man, there's a lot of laughs in this episode about what a hungry man what it is. Now Ben has headed out with a gigantic sandwich for Hoss. Man, there's a lot of laughs in this episode about what a hungry man Hoss is. His sandwich is like four times the size of anybody else's. And Ben runs into Josh Tatum on his way to where his boys are, and he disarms Josh Tatum and the two of them, they don't like each other. But that scene ends

with a glimmer, a bit of a glimmer, where Ben says, Ben takes the moment to say, I'm worried about my boys. And that seems to, it seems to get Josh a little bit. It shuts him up anyway. Yeah, because he understands it. He's got boys himself. He understands it. So there's almost the beginning of a thaw between these two old men who were last seen beating the shit out of each other. Yeah. Well, now we got old Johnny lying in wait for Ben, and Ben comes through, and sure enough, Johnny shoots him, and he goes down. And that's it. I guess Ben Cartwright is dead.

It appears that way. Yeah, series is over. Series is all over. Johnny goes down there just to confirm that he has, in fact, killed Ben Cartwright, but Ben Cartwright's playing possum. He ain't even shot killed Ben Cartwright, but Ben Cartwright's playing possum. He ain't even shot at all. Oh, you Wiley Cartwright.

Wiley, son of a gun. And he rears up and just, bang, shoots Johnny dead. Everybody was right, Johnny. Don't underestimate Ben Cartwright. Man, oh man. All right. Now things get super confusing. When all three of the Tatums show up at the camp site with the two remaining bad guys, one of whom has been shot by Adam's Incredible Billiards bank shot.

That's curly, I guess. And there's a long scene of asset management. You two go here, It's a long scene of asset management. You two go here, he'll come back. You relieve him and come back here and then you and I'll go there and then we, you and me are going to go. He's going to go find Johnny. It's a lot of- I did not follow it. I didn't follow it.

I did check out. Yeah. I felt bad for, because all you want to do is commit some crimes and steal some cows. Next thing you know, it's all about like, it's like you got to write up a spreadsheet of shift work for shooting boys. It just seemed like too much damn work. Meanwhile, our heroes are still having a real fun time joking around with each other while bullets whizz by their heads. gulping around with each other while bullets whizz by their heads. And Paul shoots a guy, a bad guy, in the back, but it's fair enough because he's got his sights on his sons.

So he sneaks up behind him and he shoots him. That's fair. Yep. And then Ben goes down to where his boys are. Now I question that strategy. They are pinned down by gunfire and he has joined them. They could have used some high ground cover. I would have thought so. He would have done better off. Yeah. Maybe it is time to put Paul out to pasture.

This was poor decision making. The only good thing about him being down there is I guess he brings in fresh ammunition. Yeah, I suppose. And I guess that contributes to the title of the episode, The Rescue. The Rescue, yeah, exactly. But I certainly did question that. I said, you had a tactical advantage being outside of the Box Canyon, and now you've gone and put yourself

right in the same pickle with your boys. Josh is taking care of Jack, and oh, it sounds like Josh, old Josh is getting worried about his boys. His son has been shot, right? I can't, no, I don't remember who's his son and who's not, but I his boys. His son has been shot, right? I can't, no, I don't remember who's his son and who's not, but I believe one of his sons has been shot. Anyway, Jake comes back and sees the band is there and Curly goes to see, oh yeah, he says,

let's get this over with so I can see his saw bones. I do like calling the doctor a saw bones. They do that twice in this episode. They do. Doctor of Sawbones. They do that twice in this episode. They do. Josh, okay. Once Jake, the real bad guy, takes off with Curly to see a sawbones in Virginia City, Josh, who's now there with just his one wounded son and his other not wounded son, and Johnny who's dead, whose whereabouts they don't know about, says, it's time to surrender. And this is, you've never seen such an unconditional surrender.

He comes in waving a flag. He says, here's what, we're going to give you back your cows, and then I'm going to go into town and turn myself into the sheriff. Yeah, this is a real turn. And spend a long time in jail for the things that I've done that is bad. And here comes a full written apology, which I will publish to the newspaper. I have also scripted it out in form of a one act play, which I personally will fund to be performed in the town square. Exactly.

He just, he just couldn't be more contrite. And what he says is, ain't all the cattle in Nevada is worth one of our boys? Then he says, we're like a couple of she bears with a mess of cubs, you and me. Ben Carbra. She bears. She bears. Not just bears. No, she bears.

Specifically says, you and me, we're a couple of mama bears. We got big old bear tits. Josh. So they help the boys, the Tatum boys help carry Hoss out and they all go back to the ranch house and Hop's saying he's more than happy to cook for all of them. He's so excited to have a big party to cook for. Now later the boys, Cartwright boys have saddled up some horses for the Tatums to get themselves home and do everything they need to do with these stolen cows and all that

turned themselves into police. And they got some free horses, man. They really made out in this deal. Yeah, they did. They did. But that's when, it's not clear to me whether he is going to turn himself into the police or not, because or the sheriff, because Ben doesn't want him to.

No, I don't think he will. I don't think he will. You know, because he learned a lesson. He learned a hell of a lesson, boy, I'll tell you. He turned himself around. It's almost like he was lobotomized. It was that drastic a personality change. But then Ben, at the very end of the episode says sarcastically,

a man sure can take it easy once his boys are grown enough to start taking care of things. Oh boy, freeze frame if ever there was one. Yeah. My God. Turns out that, and when I saw this, I thought I think I understand Joe Biden better. He says, I'd love to hand things over to the next generation. They're not ready. They'll get pinned down in a box canyon and they'll smell food they can't eat. The older generation is going to have to come to their rescue.

Absolutely right. Yeah. It's very comparable. This is probably the most harrowing episode of Bonanza ever because I thought, oh no, this is the series finale. Oh, because you thought Ben was dead. Paul's retiring, he's dead. Yeah. And then he comes back at the end and he's like, proves his point.

You need me just as much as I need you. Onward to 1973. Let's do it. And I will bury one of you. Let's see here. Oh, but I looked into that. I was like, how well does my Ben Cartwright to Joe Biden analogy hold up? And I did a little math.

Okay. Ben Cartwright was 57 years old. The character of Ben Cartwright is meant to be 57 years old. In this episode. In this episode. All right. So pretty not close. However, take a wild guess at what the average life expectancy was in the United States in 1860. 57?

You're not going to believe this. It's 39.4 years. What? That was the average life expectancy. It must have been because so many children died in childbirth. I guess so. And also had the civil war happened? The civil war was happening at that very year.

That was skewing the numbers a little bit. I guess so. But I wonder what it was prior to that, a few years prior to that or after. Wow. I don't know. 39. 39. Oh my God, I'd be long dead.

Yeah. Right. I don't know. Thirty-nine. Thirty-nine. Oh my God, I'd be long dead. Yeah, right? It means for everybody that makes it to 59 years old, somebody died at 19. You know what I mean? With that logic, Adam and Hoss should be put out to pasture. That's true. They're old. What are they doing still alive? Right.

Mm-hmm. I know. That's crazy. So, I don? Right. Mm-hmm. I know, that's crazy. So I don't know, it is different. Okay, well, this is a terrible thing to have to tell you at this point. Oh no. There's only 375 episodes left of Bonanza after this. Oh no.

Doesn't make any sense. Doesn't make any sense. How are we flying through them so fast? Are you listening, television producers? You've got that much time to get this show going again and learn how to resurrect four actors, five including Hop Singh. Yeah. Nobody says it's going to be easy, but it's got to be done.

Not a single member of this show is left alive. Regular member of this show. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, but what is AI for if not to respray? I'll tell you what AI and or holograms like they're doing with ABBA. Okay. Here we are. ABBA style holograms.

Yeah. You do a live Bonanza. Okay. Extravaganza. Oh. And all four of the Bonanza boys appear in hologram form with other live actors. I'd buy a ticket. Uh-huh. I would too. Hell yes.

You know, hologram Abba, who are still alive, play with a live band in their show. I believe that the members of, now, I don't know if it's Abba or Abba, I'm confused now. I think it's Abba, but I will thank you to pronounce it Abba. I'm confused now. I think it's ABBA, but I will thank you to pronounce it ABBA. Okay, ABBA. I believe the members of ABBA are present at the concert that their holograms are playing. No.

They're not? I don't believe they are. I think that was the whole reason they agreed to do it, so they didn't have to go do this thing, but still make a bunch of money. I think they shot all the new stuff. Oh, they did? Yeah. Okay. Well, that bear is looking into you. No, because it's in London. I don't think they all live in London. Really? Because I like it better if they're not there. I like it better if they're just- You're in for a treat.

Okay, good. I like it better if they're sitting in front of a fire somewhere in Switzerland or wherever the hell they're from and just enjoying their lives while they're making bank. girlfriend and just enjoying their lives while they're making bank up. But think about it, with this technology, you've got the set. It's a theater set of the Ponderosa. It's multi-stories and there's a rock ledge and you've got the hologram actors of Bonanza in a stunt show extravaganza shootout with actual stuntmen doing high falls. Oh my God. How amazing would that be? It sounds incredible. How soon can we put it together?

Suck a dick, Salmon Slammy. Let's get this going. Salmon Slammy. Close enough. By the way, you want to drink us some little wizard piss water? What is that? Oh my lord. What in the hell? I can't even express to you listeners what's happening here. This is a little, well it's a little boy pissing out water. It's just as warm. And you're about to drink it.

That's good. That's good piss water. Oh man. What an interesting thing that is. Where'd you find that? I got it as a gift from my sister-in-law. You know, Dukkoby by the way, calls this fizzy water, but she pronounces it pissy-wah-wah. Oh, she does? Yeah, she does. You mean Schlitz?

Schlitz is pissy-wah-wah. Well, that's fairly accurate. All right, folks, I'd say we've done an episode of Bananas for Bananza. It always feels good to do it, but feels bad to have done it because then we get fewer to do. I hate to watch you go, but I love to see you leave. No, I hate to see you leave, but I love to watch you go.

Bananas for Bonanza has a great ass. I'll tell you that right now. Alright folks, that's a good note to end on. And so I will say, now get... Buh-Dah! Theme song by Matt Gourley with The Journey, which in this case are Mark McConville, Daniel Michikoff and Wayne Wright. Bananas for Bananzas mixed and edited by Mark McConaughey. Executive produced by Andy Daly and Matt Gourley. We'll see you around.

With the Fizz loyalty program, you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan. You know, for texting and stuff. And if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan, you're not with Fizz. Switch today. Conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. Now streaming. What do you know about the Happy Face killer? You're not with Fizz. Switch today. Conditions apply. Details at Fizz.ca. Now streaming. What do you know about the Happy Face killer?

He's my father. It's so good to see you, Missy. Experience the thrilling new series. He said he killed another woman. Inspired by a true life story. If I don't deal with him, he will never leave us alone. You don't see how the world's saying to you. Anna Lee Ashford and Dennis Quaid star.

I am not responsible for what my dad did. It's going how you hoped. Happy Face, new series now streaming exclusively on Paramount+.