Bonanas for Bonanza - Bonanas For Bonanza Episode #58: “The Duke”

Episode Date: April 30, 2025

Subscribe to The Andy Daly Podcast Project at Patreon.com/AndyDaly It’s another Patton OswAltmananza! The beloved comedian joins Dalton, Mutt, and Dalton’s niece Markie to discuss Bonanza Season 2, Episode 25, “The Duke”, which was directed by noted western-hater Robert Altman and features all the bare-knuckle brawlin’ you want and all the British accentin’ you can stand.Featuring Matt Gourley, Patton Oswalt and Lily SullivanMerch: redbubble.com/people/ADPodProject/shopMail: PO Box 9407 Glendale, CA 91226Email: [e-mail]’s website: andydaly.comRecord date: 4/29/2024  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

With the Fizz loyalty program, you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan. You know, for texting and stuff. And if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan, you're not with Fizz. Switch today. Conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. which was released to our Patreon subscribers on May 1st, 2024. This is Andy Daly. Here on this free feed, we release an episode of Bananas for Bananza every other week. If you want to hear them earlier and ad free, please subscribe to patreon.com slash Andy

Daly. You'll also find the entire archive there, as well as two bonus podcasts, access to the Discord and more. Subscribe today and now enjoy this episode of Bananas for Bonanza. ["Banana's for Bonanza"] Yeah! So consult your TV guide, get your great outdoors inside. Take some ponderosa pride and forever may it ride.

Bananas for bonanza. Here we go, I'm gonna start it with a yee-haw. Hot damn, it's Bananas for Bananza. And it is, wait, I figured out how to say it. It is a Patton Oswaltmananza. You know what I did there? I tried to take your name and the name of the guy that directed it. Plus the name of the show. That's Waltman, Patton Oswalt man, like Robert Altman.

Float off the tongue. I missed it. It flowed off so smoothly. Yeah. I did not. I missed it. Yeah. Well, it works great, but here's the deal.

We done said this before. Every time Robert Altman directs an episode of Bonanza, we're blessed and lucky to have Patton Oswalt come and help us to talk about it. Well, they say Altman three times and I show up like Beetlejuice. Oh my God. You say Altman three times, I show up. What happens at five like Candyman?

And let's not hate. OK, sorry. Let's keep this fun. OK. Who would you rather have show up, Beetlejuice or Candyman? Yeah. Ooh. Oh, wait a minute.

Well, the one of them's got candy. I'd like to have some candy juice as a matter of fact. Yeah, that's right. We are also joined by my niece, Markey Wilcox. Hey. What's going on? I can't believe it. I can't believe I'm here again. You better believe it.

This is literally torture. Oh, come on now. Absolute torture. Markey had to work off some demerits by watching an episode of Bonanza with me. Demerits. Yeah, I got in trouble at school. Yeah, she did.

Basically made this video making fun of my teacher, shaming her for her high-waisted jeans. And it went viral and I got in trouble. Now I'm here watching fucking Bonanza. Oh man, but you liked this episode, didn't you? It was real good, right? I'm here watching fucking banana. Oh, man. But you like this episode, didn't you? It's real good, right? It's better than the really boring one I watched before. It was like a slightly less boring brother, brother on brother action.

Oh, unbelievable. Are you talking about bananas with your schoolmates? No. And how many of them have watched it? And do you think you're're gonna get them into it? Literally nobody gives a shit. Okay, come on. Come on now. So no bonanza club. No Boomers and like Gen X there's a club for that For making fun of boomers and Gen X. Yeah, what are you Dalton? Are you boomer or Gen X? I believe I'm on the cusp. I'm For making fun of boomers and Gen X. Yeah, what are you Dalton? Are you boomer or Gen X?

I believe I'm on the cusp. I'm boomer X. Wow, best of both worlds. There's a two fine quality Gen X. Boomer. Yeah. What are you? Are you the very honestly named Generation Zero?

Yeah. Gen Z baby. Gen Z. I'm so sorry you're on the cusp. Devastating. Why is that devastating? It's wonderful. This is really sad. It's wonderful. This is really sad.

It's a great time to be silver. It is, you can say anything, no one cares at all. That's right, never been better. Here's what I say, hello friend, come on in, the gate is open wide, welcome to Bananas for Bonanza. Today we'll be discussing season two, episode 25, The Duke. This episode has everything. Most of the cast, a new best friend for the Cartwrights,

an oily British villain played by an actual oily British villain, and lots of bare-fisted brawling. Patton, what'd you think of this episode and your buddy Robert Altman? Yeah, I was genuinely awed. This was a fast-paced, very gritty, very intense, very, I don't wanna steal one of your terms, very problematic in a lot of ways episode.

And much like in Silent Thunder, you got to see Robert Altman messing around with a couple of visual optical effects in the end, which was interesting. I think this is only the second time in the history of Bonanza that you ever see anything from the point of view of a character. Last time was the last time Robert Altman directed one. Exactly.

Isn't that right? Yeah. He's fucking around that Robert Altman. He ought to do a full POV episode. Just Adam. Oh, shit. Just a day in the life of Adam. Wouldn't that be something?

They done, remember they did that on MASH. You remember that? I remember that from the point of view of a patient. That's right. That comes into the camp and you in the life of Adam. Wouldn't that be something? They done, remember they did that on MASH. Remember that? I remember that from the point of view of a patient. That's right. That comes into the camp and you see the whole, yeah. I remember that. Wow. The best part of it was,

because at a certain point you say, I am this man, I am this patient. Oh yeah. And then Hot Lips Hooligan gave me a sponge bath. You remember that? Well that was, look it was, look you did, there was a lot of things it did during Sweeps Week back then.

And that's a sponge bath from Swit that equals ratings. That episode was reverse engineered from the idea of having a sponge bath. Oh my gosh, I think they started with that and they worked their way backward. How do we do that? How do we get Swit to give America a sponge bath? Who is Swit?

Is it like some hot lady? Loretta Swit. Loretta Swit. Oh, so this is some porno? Oh my god. You've never seen Mass? Hawkeye Pierce. You would love his Groucho impression. Oh, you know what you'd love?

Jamie Farr, he dresses like a woman. To be crazy. Be careful here. Be careful. I've talked about this with you guys don't want to get canceled. He's a transvestite. They say it. They say no Nobody's doing it to be crazy. Yeah, only a crazy man a man only a crazy woman put on a dress That's what this is

You have to stop and and mash by the way a Robert Altman movie, that's right Yeah, and so many great characters Trapper John Haw, Hawkeye Pierce, Radar O'Reilly, Spear Chucker Jones. Oh, no problem. Just wonderful characters that know totally first two seasons. What? There was a character named Spear Chucker Jones

on the first two seasons of Madden. God bless America. We're not even talking about the Trapper John connection that Pernell Roberts, who plays Adam as I'm sure you know, goes on to play. Why are you blaming on me? Well, I just know that now that you're into Bonanza, I'm sure you've been.

Oh yeah, now I guess I get it. Okay, well anyway, he went on to play Trapper MD in a spin-off. Gen Z loves movie TV connections. They just love making those connections. Oh yeah. I literally just watch stuff on my phone. Oh my God. You don't ever play that Kevin Bacon thing? Gen Z loves movie TV connections. They just love making those connections. I literally just watch stuff on my phone. You don't ever play that 30 second videos on my phone.

The Kevin Bacon, six degrees of Kevin Bacon. Oh, who's Kevin? Oh, OK. But let me tell you this. I'm getting angry now. Yeah, right. Yeah. If a video of a teacher's high waisted jeans can go viral. Yes. So I can go 10 times about it. Exactly. Because there's so much more content and time.

And if I may say, even the, I would say the waist are even higher on this show. I agree. Way higher. The highest pants I've ever seen in my life. Okay, there you go. There we can agree. There's your in.

We found common ground between the generations. What a beautiful thing. We did it. With the Fizz loyalty program, you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan. You know, for texting and stuff. And if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan, you're not with Fizz. Switch today.

Conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. This episode aired. Details at phys.ca. This episode aired on March 11th, 1961. There ain't much to tell you that's new because Exodus was the number one movie. Don't Worry by Marty Robbins was the number one country song. And Ponytime by Chevy Checker was the number one song. And so that's all the same as last time. Would you guys, I don't think you guys have had an opportunity to watch a bunch of German teens try to dance the pony time. No, I think we're about to.

Thank you not to make that assessment about me before asking. I know you have. We've done it last time. It's wonderful. There are make this. I'll make it my wide screen because there's such wonderful dancers and they do the pony time song. Here we go. Let's get that. Is that how you and your friends dance? Yeah kind of like this but more grinding. So you get to so you when you guys have a party you get together you put a couple of balloons in the corner and then you just sort of dance like that because that looks really festive. It's like that doesn't look like a David Lynch film at all.

It's like they went to a banquet hall the day after a wedding. You're right. We need to feel that the celebration has long since fled. But what we need is remnants and detritus of joy that the children can dance in. And that would be the mood here. It is as though these four cannot stop dancing for days. Oh my God.

Celebrity birthdays. Let's see if you even know who this person is. Oh boy. That was born on March 11, 1961. I'm gonna tell you their name and you're gonna know them by a different name. Kenneth Sean Carson Jr. Do you Oh. Kenneth Sean Carson Jr. Do you know who Kenneth Sean Carson Jr. is?

1961. Is that the guy who started Carl's Jr.? I bet you're actually fairly close. Whoa. But not really, but a little bit. Wolfgang Puck. No. Burger King.

You know this Kenneth by a shorter version of his first name, Ken, listen, the goddamn Ken doll was born on March 11th, 1961. The actual Ken doll. You mean Ryan Gosling? No. He made his premiere at a toy fair on this very day that this episode of Bonanza aired. Can you believe that? Wow. He was, now here's where things take,

to me, a dark turn. Uh-oh. The person who created Barbie named Barbie after her daughter. Yes. And then she decided Barbie needed a boyfriend and she named him after her son. Oh boy. Weird.

That's just. I can't deal with that. I've had enough. Yeah, you know what? Yeah. That's enough information for me. I saw Dalton wake up in the morning and he looks in the mirror and he goes, I am enough. Yeah, I say that. That's what we're saying now. I am enough. Man, I'm great at doing stuff.

That poor guy. There's also a story, this happened on March 11, 1961. Here's the headline from the next day's City Slick in New York Times. Kennedy gets salamander from brother's son. President Kennedy's seven-year-old nephew, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. made an official White House call today to present to his uncle a seven-inch salamander.

The president appeared not quite enthralled. Wasn't it nice of him to bring me this present? The president asked in a manner suggesting that perhaps it was not. Pick him up, the president suggested. No, he bites, replied Bobby, who explained that he had found the amphibian in the family swimming pool. The president replied, maybe you'd better put it back in the swimming pool. Don't worry, uncle. It hasn't been vaccinated.

The point is, there's no there's no, you know, there's no salamander venom that has been proven effective in killing anyone ever. No, I'm sorry. There's no salamander. A thermon proven effective. I mean, he's been a pain in the ass his whole life. What a piece of shit. An absolute scum of the earth piece of shit. Trading on a fine family name, hawking those wares.

Did you try, you give a goddamn biting lizard to the President of the United States and they don't lock you up for the rest of your life right there? Exactly. He's a bad seed. The Secret Service should have tackled him on the spot. Yeah, they should have. Tackleled and then disarmed the salamander That's what they do to pull the tail off it'll grow back. Oh sure they don't mind that yeah They're cool with that. Well, that was pre, you know, that was before the Kennedy assassination. Did you know that?

I should point that out. I figured that this happened with President Kennedy before okay All right. You want to hear some fun facts about our cast and what nots? Oh, absolutely. I guess. It was directed by Robert Altman. Hell yeah. The famous director of Whirlybirds.

Oh yeah. And he is a... I have a hard time knowing whether he's friend or foe because he has said, I don't like Westerns. That's a quote. He's very proud of McCabe and Mrs. Miller, which he calls an anti-Western. But it's also one of the greatest Westerns ever. Have you seen it yet?

I told you to go see it. I've McCabe and Mrs. Miller, I've seen it. I've tried to watch it. Oh Lord. I've tried to watch it multiple times. By the way, I'd like to thank, I didn't, was able to go because I was traveling yesterday, but apparently video hits yesterday,

showed a double feature during the day. The matinee was Ratatouille and the evening movie was McCabe and Mrs. Miller, which is one of my favorite all time movies. If they can't drag you to the theater on that day, when will they get you there? Tell Delta airlines to give me earlier flights. I would have gone to that. Yeah.

That's a good double feature. Well, uh, McCabe and Mrs. Miller, you know what I did? I started watching it and I said, wait a minute, anti-Western. What does it mean? What does it mean? In Eastern. Well, but it doesn't take place in the East. Oh, okay.

So when I was flummoxed and confused. So what I done, smart man, I went straight to the end. Cause I said, something tells me it's the hero's not going to, not going to win in the end. And that's exactly the problem. And that's's that's when I knew not to watch anymore How about that there you go? So that's like you flip to the end? Yeah, read the end in the book and went no, I don't need to take this journey Exactly. Oh, you're missing part right choose that a good amount of time in the movie. He's wearing a ladies fur coat He's just wearing a giant fur coat. Okay cover his suit. He's a he's a he's a gamb ladies fur coat. He's just wearing a giant fur coat to cover his suit. He's a gambler and a businessman.

I see, okay. Looks like a lady to me, you're right. Oh my God, you guys, be careful again, be careful. Why? Man oughta look like a man, get a goddamn haircut. Oh no, oh my God, so gendered. Yeah, I know, it's gendered. No, he's wearing a ladies coat.

I'm not gonna have this, I gave you guys the PowerPoint presentation where I explained the spectrum. Yeah, yeah, thank's gendered. No. He's wearing a lady's coat. I'm not gonna have this, I gave you guys the PowerPoint presentation where I explained the spectrum. Yeah, yeah, thank you for it. But you didn't retain any of it, clearly. Thank you for not making sure I watched it. By the way, McCabe and Mrs. Miller also contains a slick, evil British villain.

Oh, really? Oh, who? I remember this. This guy, Hugh Millay, plays the bounty hunter. Oh. And who is the guy that you that. This guy, Hugh Millay, plays the bounty hunter. Oh. And he, and who is the guy that you killed as the king at the end. Yeah, yeah.

He's the big, that man's never killed anyone in his life. Well, let's talk about this fella. Let's talk about this evil. Maxwell Reed is the actor who played the Duke of London, a prize fighter all the way from England. This is his only bonanza, Maxwell Reed. He was a matinee idol in British films in the 20s, in his 20s, and B movies in his 30s,

and then bonanza in his 40s, and he died at 55. He was Joan Collins' first husband. Whoa! Yeah! Didn't know that. I know, but it's not as fun a story as you might think. It's really. Oh no. In her book, Behind the Shoulder Pads.

Wait, shouldn't it be Under the Shoulder Pads? That's the real name of it? That's the name of Joan Collins. You know, she might have. Matt had the same birthday. I would like to point out that geographically, it should have been Under the Shoulder Pads. Under the Shoulder Pads.

But then I guess it doesn't work as a double. No, it does not, yeah. Well, maybe she wore her shoulder pads ahead of herself. Oh, that would make sense. Forward. Yeah, maybe a little bit forward. She says she was 17, he was 31, he spiked her drink and had his way with her.

Are you kidding me? Whoa, whoa. And she felt obliged to marry him. What? Oh no. Times have changed. I guess so. I mean.

Oh my God. Was her thinking, well he got me, what am I gonna do? Yeah, I think so. She was probably like, I deserved it. Well, I gotta make an honest woman of me, if you're gonna. Of me.

Of me. Yeah, because this is on me. Yeah, but here's what ended the marriage after two years. It wasn't the marriage? No. Okay. It wasn't that she turned like 18. No.

Apparently he had a habit of approaching old wealthy men and talking to them for a while. And then coming back to Joan Collins and saying, this guy says he will spend, he will pay $10,000 to have sex with you and I can watch. And Joan said, I don't care for that. And he couldn't catch a hint? What?

No, I get it. I don't, he wasn't in the business of catching hints. Yeah. I guess not. Now there's a scene in this episode. By the way, and that is a, that is basically a discount in Decent Proposal. Right.

Did he later watch in Decent Proposal and go, oh, I didn't know I could get that. I lowballed it, damn. I was bloody hell, I was 10, go, oh, I didn't know I could get that holiday. I was bloody hell, I was 10,000. However, I did believe it or not, I did the math. That's $115,000 today. Okay, that's still a low ball. What did you do?

In Decent Proposal was a million dollars? A million dollars. A million. And this was in the 90s. In the 90s. So we're talking 1.1 nowadays. Oh. Gotta be, gotta be. No way, man.

Man, I'd say that's a fairly decent proposal. Mm-hmm. Would you do that? Would I do it with me and Betty Lou? If somebody offered me a million dollars to have sex with Betty Lou, I'd say, do it twice. What, do they pay each time, or are you just giving one risk? No, I'd say I feel bad charging that much.

You'd be like, lower. But just for inflation, you could probably, yeah, like a million in the 90s, it'd be like, what, two something at least now. Yeah, okay. Good for me then. Well, I'll see if I can hook it up. We also had-

Wait, that actor was really British? Yeah. I thought he was faking his accent all the time. He was actually British. I think he was doing British on top of British. Yeah, that was a hat on a hat. Yeah. Well, John Collins advised him to base his acting style on James Mason.

There you go. I know you hear a little bit of that. Makes a lot of sense. But he preferred Stuart Granger, but I hear some James Mason in there. How old was Joan at that point? 19? Yeah. I guess she told that to him. him while she was on the swing set. Oh dear. She's like at the Mora.

You should do James Mason, push me higher. Well, Randy Stewart played March Fuller. She was raised by Vaudevillians and made her stage debut at three. She was Eve's roommate in All About Eve and the wife of the incredible Shrinking Man. That's right. Yep, and she's damn fine in this episode, I've seen.

Did a good job. Good acting. J. Pat O'Malley as Harry Simpson, the Cockney film. Oh boy. You know this guy. Yeah. You don't know him, but you know him. Yeah, where from?

A lot of voiceover in Disney movies. That's right, he's Tweedledee and Tweedledum in Alice in Wonderland. He's one of the cockney guys in Supercalifragilisticexpialibus. Dancing around. But get a load of this. Dick Van Dyke has said that O'Malley was his dialect coach on Mary Poppins.

Oh, maybe don't. Don't throw O'Malley under the bus like that. Why would you do that? Why would you do that? Is O'Malley really British? Yeah, I thought so. He's British? I mean, you're so famous with the fake... I didn't understand a word he said.

What's wrong with that? You go down to the bathroom with the phone? You're in a rubber tone, right? Yes, he's my bubba. There you go, you go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, One of the first things he says is, my gullies fair crying out for a nip. Wow. Although what he actually says is, we going back on that whole thing. That's about right. That's about right. This is, I went down a bit of a rabbit hole.

I hope I don't spend too much time on it here today. He had a hit song. What? Called Amy Wonderful Amy, that was about the British Amelia Earhart whose name was Amy Johnson. She flew solo from the UK to Australia which is more than Amelia Earhart ever did. But she had a... you can never say that somebody's death is funny but...

What a way to preface that. Why don't you do more Hewlett-G? Nah, this ain't the time to be laughing, but. She was flying a supply flight during World War II and she was shot down by a friendly fire. That is funny. It's funny, so far that's a little bit funny. It's gonna get even better. Oh no. But she was able to bail out of the plane on a parachute

and they saw her go into the Thames and wait for help. And then she was fatally run over by the rescue boat. No, no. That's a little bit funny, right guys? That's really funny. Friendly fire plus the rescue boat. She, she, look, look. That's an assassination twice.

It's honestly hilarious. She basically died a wily coyote death. It sounds like an inside job to me. She died a couple of times in that. It took a... That's really funny. It didn't go down easy. No, it's a little bit like those movies.

What's the movies where you're meant to die and so strange things happen to kill you? Final Destination. Devon Teller. It does feel like a Final Destination. It was her day, but she was too wily with the parachute. But still, circumstance had to get her. Yeah, you might not get hit by that bus, but you'll get right over after that. Buy an airplane. Oh, I mean, wonderful. I mean.

Oh, yeah, you get the time. But I mean, that's right. Jason Evers played J.D. Lambert. He is in the classic The Brain That Wouldn't Die under the name Herb Evers. Oh, he changes. Yeah. No, it didn't change the last name for that one. That movie is friggin fantastic. One of the best episodes ever of MST 3K.

And it has the woman who they call Jan in the Pan. That's the head sitting in the little pan thing. Her nickname is Jan in the Pan. Jan in the Pan. She was, that actress was in Stanley Kubrick's first movie. The Killers? No, no, really, really early. Oh God, what is it called?

Like home movies? Something, no, no, no, no, no. Later than that. It's an early like kind of experimental war movie and she plays this woman in a bunch of, what is it called? Fear and Desire. She's in Fear and Desire.

So she went from Stanley Kubrick's Fear and Desire to The Brain That Wouldn't Die. Oh boy. And halfway through The Brain That Wouldn't Die, the head is suddenly shot from the back and you just hear clearly a different woman's voice because she's like, I'm done shooting, goodbye. I'm not coming back for any of this shit. But Herb is good in it and Herb suffers an insane on-screen death where his arm

is pulled off by this weird giant creature that he keeps in a cage in the basement and he goes up the stairs and for the time that was shocking smears his blood all up along the staircase as his arm is ripped off and as he's dying. Jesus. Yeah, it's pretty crazy. That's great. Yeah, it's a movie about a mad doctor who keeps his fiancee's severed head alive for

days. Is this black and white or color? Black and white. Whoa. It was a weird little independent movie. Even though it was shot in the late 50s, early 60s, it looks weirdly contemporary because it's a lot of handheld shots

and just out in the street, just shooting stuff without permits. And it's kind of cool. Will. And Herb's good in it. He's crazy, but he's good. Speaking of without permits, the film, The Brain That Wouldn't Die,

was in the public domain in the United States from the day of its release due to a flawed copyright notice. Yep. Oh! It's ripe for a remake. Yeah. I get so. Brain That Wouldn't, it is fantastic.

Yeah, so. Wait a minute, anybody can do whatever they want with our movie and we don't get paid? Why, because I didn't copyright it? That's bullshit. Those commas count. You missed a comma, I don't know what to tell ya. What a fuck up.

I don't care if we don't make money, but what if they besmirch it? Even I know to copyright. I have the video of my teacher is fully copyrighted. Really? Would you mail it to yourself? All my kick-cocks are. Did you mail it to yourself?

I mailed it to you. Oh, okay, I won't open it. Your name's on it, don't worry. I won't open it until there name's on it. Don't worry. I won't open it until there's a dispute. You got it. Well, his final film appearance was in Basket Case 2. Do you know about Basket Case movies?

Yeah, I've never seen them. Frank Kenalotter, great, gritty, early 80s East Side of New York filmmaker. If you want to see good horror movies that are also amazing documentaries of what New York looked like in the early 80s. Oh, like Cruisin? Basket, yes, like Cruisin, which I just watched again. And all the sketchy neighborhoods he's walking around in

are the meatpacking district. Like you're walking around in what's about to be the most expensive real estate in the city. But right now it's just shitty. Yeah, Basked Case is an amazing movie. For watching stuff shot on the street, we're like, wow, I'm so glad I didn't live in New York then. I don't know if I should watch you there.

I want you to see how things used to be, but not in the goddamn cities. I honestly, I told you I'm moving to New York the moment that I graduate. I'm gonna be a star. I'm gonna prevent that by any means necessary, including the complete construction of New York. I'm gonna be a model.

You heard it here. You ain't gonna be no model for Christ's sake. What are you talking about? I'm gonna be a model, a professional. What do you want to model? Underwear. Oh my God. Oh boy.

Not over my dead body. That's triggering for you. Edible underwear, yeah. Oh, God. Christ sake. Although that makes me think you could make a pair of underwear out of beef jerky and it'd be all right. It'd feel good, I know that.

It'd feel good on your body. Some pemmican panties. It feel good, I know that. It feel good on your body. Yeah. I'll bet I do. Some pemmican panties. Yeah. Well folks, this episode begins as so many episodes have been

ended, with an establishing shot of Virginia City in which the same Native American gentleman fights over a jug in the street with another man. I miss this every time. It's the same establishing shot every time, and that's going on every time. So that's a good one. Then here's what. JD is, I guess, a ranch hand on the Ponderosa and man, they love him so much. Oh boy. We know him so well. Yeah.

He's practically part of the family to the point where at some point I said, was this part written for Adam? But Pernell Roberts said my character wouldn't do that. Yeah. Oh, right. You know, he may be right, but he's got a girlfriend who's a dance hall girl, a saloon girl, Marge, but he's so sweaty and nervous around Marge, doesn't know what to say to her.

Okay, that's the first thing we learned. And then in comes to town two fellows from Britain land, the Duke of London and his little cockney buddy. Who I can't believe they're both really British. They're both actual British. Then you thought they was both faking it. Yeah. But you could believe it.

The little guy is extremely British. Yeah. And that guy, he looks like he's made out of scones. He could not be more British. Biscuits. Biscuits. Biscuits. Oh, just a stack of biscuits.

What gain sentience one day, you know? Hey, Bob's your Uncle, Jack's a doughnut. I piss teeth. Those teeth were British teeth, man. Oh boy, we're getting British. Adam, we understand, has gone to San Francisco and here comes the Duke of London. And his deal is, this is a good, I never heard about this before, but it makes a lot of sense. He's a train fighter.

He comes into town and pisses everybody off. And he just does it by being the most arrogant son of a bitch in the world. And then he says, well, all right, you don't like me, step into the ring with me and you can go four rounds with me, you get $500. But ain't nobody can because his fists,

as Paul points out later, they are literally registered as lethal weapons. Because he's a professional boxer. That's right. He ain't no regular brawler. Paul has so much respect for professional boxers. He really does. What's it say about the old west where you had to register lethal weapons back then, including your hands? Yeah, that was... Just your hands.

Weirdly, yeah. Yeah, Paul talks about professional wrestlers like they're unicorns. Like, you haven't seen them, but I have. And if you ever saw these in action, that's, you just, your eyes will melt. No man could defeat, as someone who is literally a professional prize fighter, cannot be defeated by anybody else who isn't.

It's a whole other class of human being, according to Paul. And I guess he's right. Well, what do we have now? We got basically the Duke of London falls for March, doesn't he? Well, falls is a generous term. Oh, he just looks at her and just goes, mine. He preys on March.

Yeah. I don't know about falls. Well, but he puts the moon. It's really hot, honestly. It's hot, right? Wait, you like that? Yeah, I mean, I disagree with it wholeheartedly, but if it happened to me, I would be absolutely pumped.

Wow. He kissed her hand, he did. Yeah, yeah. Right? And she seemed to have liked it too. Yes, she liked it. She liked it. At least she saw the usefulness of it

in torturing her boyfriend. Because she says like, oh, the way he kissed me. She's sort of teasing him a little bit. A little bit. Yeah. Why would you do that? Throwing gas on a fire. Yeah. So, yeah. Which, by the way, that's a thing she does a lot in this episode, which we'll get to later. She seems to be very good at inadvertently riling men up into violence.

That's what you're supposed to do. Oh, OK. I didn't know that. Everything that happens in this episode is her fault. Does that track you? Oh, yes. Oh, my God, of course. Blaming the woman. Yeah.

She is, yeah, she says to JD, oh, my, because now she understands he will die if he steps into the ring with the Duke of London, and yet she keeps saying, he really kissed me and I really like me, what you gonna do? What are you gonna do? What are you going to do? Yeah. And then, but it's quite clear she tries so hard to get a kiss from him and they

are literally their noses are touching, but he somehow worms his way out of kissing her cause he's so nervous. He's such a nervous boy. And then there's a weird thing where Haas says, well, they've got the whole ride home to get to kissing and Joe says, you don't understand women. He's going to try and she won't let him now. Man, she, he, Joe, little Joe knows she's, these women, all of them are conniving and playing mind games.

I knew this was going to come up. I knew. Right? The connivingness of women. No. Little Joe knows. She's just doing what she does best. What's that? Get guys horny.

And then leave them there. Whoa. What? I do it at school all the time. You are gonna go to school to get boys horny? Oh my God. We're gonna have to put you in more conservative outfits. We have lots of suitors.

The day we said you could show your ankles was when it all began. Well let's see here. All right. Well, and sure enough, JD is provoked into a fight in the hotel lobby with the Duke in London and he's, there's nothing the sheriff can do about it because JD swung first, didn't he? And so that's it.

Now it just happens that the Duke doesn't get paid anything for this fight, but it's a sort of a sampler fight. It's publicity. He could write it off on his taxes. He that's his version of like a movie trailer. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. But man, he beats the hell out of J.D. Well, he kind of just slaps him at first. Oh, at first. And then he just goes to work on it.

I mean, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just,

he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he Bro. Never seen this much damage. Well now, Paul, with his extraordinary knowledge of professional boxing, he says, here's what we need to do. We need to get the Benicia Boy in here. Yes. This is a professional prize fighter in San Francisco. Yeah.

Who's gonna come to town and beat the hell out of the Duke of London. Yeah. Because only a professional can fight a professional. Paul talks about boxers the way like a vampire hunter talks about Dracula. No, you can't feed him this way. We have to do is got to get this guy from that town. We got to get some garlic. We got to get some holy water. Like that's

literally how he talks about the Duke. Well, now I didn't even think about whether the Duke was a vampire. He could be. Turns out the Benicia boy was a real man. But what I learned about him in real life, he existed. He existed. What's a Benicia? Is that a place? Benicia, California is where he lived and did most of his brawling. He was like a sought after, let's go fight the Benicia boy. Yeah. Well, though highly regarded, he had only three formal fights in his career, losing two and drawing one. Wait a minute.

This feels like a Kimbo slice situation where he's good at like in the backyard and then when they got him into the octagon he just got slaughtered. Well as a matter of fact, the Benicia Boy's biggest fights were fought in London. He went over to London to try to beat up the British prize fighting champions. To beat up some biscuits.

Yeah, beat up some biscuits. He fought a fellow named Sayers. They went 42 rounds. What? What? 42 rounds of bare-fisted brawling. Bare-fisted 42 rounds? Bare-fisted.

It ended in chaos when the Benicia boy tried to strangle Sayers on the ropes. So fight rules seem to have been a bit different in those days. Maybe that's why they introduced boxing gloves to stop strangling. That's where that came from. It's pretty hard to grab someone and strangle them. How do we take their fingers and thumbs out of this equation?

Mittens? Yeah, just big fists. Huge mittens. Yeah, so that was a real guy. But the Duke doesn't seem to have been, but, you know, close enough. But so but then it would be a good idea. a real guy, but the Duke doesn't seem to have been, but close enough. It would be a good idea. Wouldn't it be a good idea if you get a professional fighter, have them come to town and challenge the Duke of London without telling them I'm a professional fighter?

I think that'd be the perfect version of this plan. Oh, why didn't they think of that? I don't know because little Joe and Hoss were so excited to run up to the Duke of London and say, guess who's coming to town? The Bidicia boy. They just wanted to see the look on his face. But they told it to Harry, the Cockney fella, who's just drunk as a skunk. He's having problems with his brother.

Oh, I did. Oh, God. He gave it away. Oh, wait a minute. Filled with it. No. Yeah, wow. Well, people would have known by looking at them, so don't worry. Oh, yeah. They're, I mean. So anyway, but Harry isn't scared of the Benicia boy. He says they've been dying to get a chance to fight the Benicia boy. So that poor little Joe and Hoss are crestfallen. They didn't get to see the look on his face. But now, this was something, man.

Once you see that Duke of London with his shirt off, training in a stable, you realize. So hot. Really? Wow. You realize what an extraordinary boxer he must be because he has literally no muscle. Yeah, no hair, no muscle.

That's how I like it. That's how you like it. He looks like a- Timothy Shalerman? Yeah, I love that. He looks kinda sick. Yeah. Like he should be in bed.

You wanna take care of him? Really pale, like a sick British child. Yeah. A sick British child, that is what he looks like. I love that. He looks like a stretched Armstrong that's been like left on a heating Great. It's all very smooth Very very yes

He's like a stretch Armstrong immediately post stretch where he hasn't yeah reformed Oh, yeah, by the way on it. There's a poster of him and in the poster the way his art He's I don't know here. Can you hold your money usually like boxers are like this? Yeah, he's like this. Yeah, yeah Pugilist style. Yeah, yeah, and even in the poster But you can draw people looking anything you want. They really accentuate the thinness and the weird You know like frosty the snowman arms Yeah, really they accentuate how weird and lean he looks heman arms. The Popeye arms. Yeah, really.

They accentuate how weird and lean he looks. He's got rock-em sock-em robot punch. Yeah, he's like. Well, that's how they used to punch like this, right? Yeah, I guess so. Exactly, yeah. It's like Slenderman with his shirt off. That's what it looks like.

But I guess the poster is meant to say, you go ahead, you can beat him up. Oh, maybe that's right. Right? Look at this guy. He doesn't even know how to hold his hands. Who's this fucking idiot? Who wants to beat up Tony Randall?

I bet there's one or two people out there that do. Who do you guys think would win in a fight, Dalton or Timothee Chalamet? You talking to me? Me or Timothee Chalamet? Yeah, I think Timothee. What are you talking about? Oh my lord, I'm sorry.

Look, I know you're a fan of Timothy. I think told him would rip him. I'd rip him to a goddamn. You know, Dune is a movie, right? No, I think I think Timothy, he would really. Does he have his power of saying something and making people do what he says because he does it in the weird voice like in Dune? No, he's just normal everyday. Timothy is his parents trust fund.

Yeah. Unless that trust fund will buy Mike Tyson to fight in his place, that's not going to happen. Sorry. I would go so far as to say that regardless of body type or size or age or anything, anybody with the name of Chalamet, I can beat up. Or just Timothy. Or even a specific. Especially with those double E's. a Chalamet a Vita. Or just Timothy. Or even a Timothy. Especially with those double E's at the end.

Yeah, that is, that's a double negative right there. He doesn't even end his name with a Y, it's a double E. He doesn't, he just two E's on that. I know another Tim who spells it with two E's at the end as well. What's his problem, the one you know? Timothy Balz. No.

What the what? Double E. Is that his given name? Yes. What were his parents doing? He's mom's French. Isn't there an accent over one of his E's? Oh my God. Yeah, I think so. I think there, so again, like,

Chalamet alone, but then Timothy, and then you're adding the two E's, and then there's an accent over one. And then he looks like a sick porcelain doll. Yeah, he really does. Does your Tim have the accent? Not my Tim, I don't date him or anything. I'm just a fan.

Oh, God, you know what you know. I don't know, yes, maybe, no, I don't know. At least he took the steps to call himself Tim. He did what he could with what he's given. Timothy Chalamet seems to be flaunting it all over. Oh, yeah, yeah, he keeps hammering that. He wants to be called Timothy. Yeah, Timothy.

Timothy Chalamet. He literally, I believe, is fluent probably amoring that. He wants to be called Timothée. Yeah. Timothée Chalamet. He literally, I believe, is fluent in the French language. What? Timothée Chalamet. What a curse. I know, it's amazing I haven't beaten shit out of him yet. You hate French people, right, Dom? Do I hate French people?

Of course I do. They're literally from France. That's unacceptable. Oh. Well. That's unacceptable. Then what happens? Okay, so, all right, we see the Duke. He perfumes himself and then he hears Marge crying. Why is Marge crying? I forget, but she's crying in her room.

Because he's a woman. Well, yeah, I don't know why she's crying, but she's crying in her bed and her door is unlocked. Oh, they cut out the scene. She realizes she's a woman in the late 80s. Oh, right, okay. That's why she started crying. Oh, wait a minute.

I'm a woman during one of the worst times to be a woman. And the actress realized she's an actress on Bananas. Yeah, exactly. And she realized her career was never going to get better than this. Just a high point. If she's a saloon girl, does that mean she realized her career was never going to get better than this. Is this the high point? If she's a saloon girl, does that mean she's a sex worker? I believe.

Although during those times, just showing your knees meant you were a sex worker. Yeah, and sex worker, but she also might not be getting paid. So worker is a frosty term. I think her job is to- Sex volunteer. That's right. She's supposed to flirt with men so they buy liquor. Oh, yeah. It's an arrangement with the bar

and she's damn good at it. Well, so okay, he just walks in and open door, does the duke and he decides, I love this woman. It's a truly romantic courtly love and I'm gonna have her. And then he, what does he do? He kisses her. Maybe he slaps her first and then kiss her, I forget.

But he kisses her. Jesus Christ. And then kiss her, I forget. But he kisses her. Jesus Christ. And then she starts laughing at him. Again, again, with the, and I'm not saying, maybe not the time to laugh at a guy that is clearly a psychopath. Exactly. But she seems to be.

So you're blaming the woman? I'm not blaming the woman, I'm just saying, I'm not blaming the woman, but I am saying read the room. Yeah. So she is laughing and laughing and he's like, what's going on? She says, please, this can't be the first time a woman has laughed at you.

And then that's it. He starts roughing her up. And I think he pretty much decides he's gonna kill her. Yeah. He's choking her. It's brutal. It's pretty brutal. Yeah, it has really bad vibes.

And then Harry comes in. Thank you, bad vibes. So when he has his hands right in front of him, the vibes got kind of bad. I was like, no, the vibes really bad vibes. And then Harry comes in. Thank you. Bad vibes. So when he has his hands in front of him, the vibes got kind of bad? I was like, no, the vibes aren't good. Remember, Miriam had bad vibes. So you're saying it's giving assault? Is that what you would say? Yeah, I was like, this is giving bad vibes.

I was like, she is mother and he's coming in. Well, in those days, you couldn't hang a man for bad vibes. No, you really couldn't. But Harry comes in and he says, it happened again. Another one laughed at you. So this has happened before. Yes. Another one laughed at you.

It seems that perhaps they don't come out and say it, but the reading between the lines, the Duke has had to murder women before for laughing at it. It sure seems like it. That was like a part-time job for most guys back then. Having to murder people and murdering women. Yeah, murdering women. Yeah, I guess so.

Well, it was side hustle. Is it volunteer? Not part of it, side hustle. Yeah. Hobby. Hobby, yeah, thank you. They weren't getting paid. No.

He punches too. Love of the game. That's right. Jesus Christ. Passion project. How many of your friends listen to this podcast? Nobody listens to this. What are you talking about? I don't think there's any person who listens to it,

let alone any of my friends. Well, I listen to it. Yeah, that's true. I mean, I don't, but I'm glad to hear you do. No, I don't listen to it. Well, that's true. I mean, I don't, but I'm glad to hear you do. No, I don't listen to it. Well, this is it now. Hoss and Little Joe have been very restrainful from going after the Duke because of what Paul has said,

but no more. He's gone and attacked Marge. They're gonna have to go after him. And, oh, we get a little backstory from him. This is when we learned that Harry and the Duke are brothers, even though Harry could be his grandfather. Either that or people just aged really rapidly.

Like when you hit 30, you did three decades for each decade at that point. You Dorian Gray. You really reversed Dorian Gray. Yeah. Sounds like the two of them have had a hard life and blah, blah, blah, and whatever. All right, then what we got here, Hoss slaps the Duke hard with his hat.

What a result. Right. Yeah. With his giant hat. But the Foley people make it sound like a punch, even though he hits him with a felt hat, and it's like pow, like, oh, okay. It's a steel toed hat. It's a steel rimmed hat. It's one of those piggy-binders hats. Yeah, there, okay. It's a steel toed hat. It's a steel rim. It's an odd job hat.

It's one of those Peaky Binder hats. And now there's gonna be a fight. Hoss tells the Duke, I'd fight you for money, marbles, or chalk. Oh, I love that line. I know. That's poetic. That actually is pretty great.

Money, marbles, or chalk. Even chalk. I only know what the first one is, money. Yeah, you don't even know what a marble is. What about chalk? No, never heard of it. What is it? Oh yeah, you don't even know what a marble is. What about chalk? No, never heard of it. What is it? Oh yeah, you go into her classroom, they're using these smart boards.

It's all like projected and yeah. Jesus. It's one big iPad. The whole classroom. There's a lot of, look, I do a lot of benefit shows at chalk mines that are shutting down. That's a whole industry that's going away. It's really rough. I do, yeah, Concerts at Marble Mines.

Yeah, Springsteen's next album is about the chalk mines. Oh, geez. Chalk mines. It is a sad story. Will Paul goes and sets up a Gilligan's Isle style boxing ring. That, by the way, that started off, it looked like a Wicker Man ceremony was happening.

They're putting all these torches in. But it was also, that was also a great Altman shot because they follow the guy walking in with the torch and they follow all the way around and then they land on the sheriff and Pa talking. So it was like, oh, there's Altman doing a little cinema right there. There's a real interesting boxing rink in Popeye too

when he fights that big guy. Yes there is. Oh I see. Indeed there is. Yeah, it's a floating, it's like a floating barge. It's on a boat. Barge, yeah, boxing barge. You like Popeye?

Who? Robin Williams. The chicken? Oh my God. What about Popeye Doyle from French Connection? You like that? I've shopped at French Connection before. I realize.

Oh, that's the worst of both worlds for you. I've seen that store in the mall. I assume it's heroin. I made, Saul and I went with me to the mall recently. We went to Eritrea together and he bought me a bunch of tube tops and some sweats. Did you? Why? Because she says she needed exercise wear. Explain yourself. She said she needed exercise wear. I never thought she'd wear it outside of a aerobic studio.

Exercising in a tube top, are you mentally ill? What do I know? Pa knows all about the London prize fight rules, which apparently, I never heard this before, a round ends when somebody hits the dirt. That's the end of a round, and then you get 30 seconds to- Not timing, you just go till someone falls. Yeah, you just go till somebody falls down. That's's the end of a round. And then you get 30 seconds to- Not timing. You just go till someone falls.

Yeah, you just go till somebody falls down. That's when you can take a break. And he went 42 rounds. Yeah, 42 rounds of somebody falling down every time. Then you get 30 seconds to relax and then you gotta come out and fight again. 30 seconds. Yeah.

So we got Hoss. It's Hoss versus the Duke and the Duke is beating the shit out of Hoss. Well, it's hairless versus hairy. Because when Hoss takes his shirt off, you're like, OK, I think either Pa, you said in earlier episodes, he clearly had sex with a giant. Might have also had sex with a Yeti. Yeah, it could be.

He takes his shirt off. You can't tell if he's coming or going. I mean, and also, and I'm not body shaming, the tiniest nipples I've ever seen on a man. Ross has tiny nipples. I didn't notice. Interesting. Oh, Lord. I'm too bad.

I tend to want to notice men's nipples. Tiny nipples is goals. We all want tiny nipples. It's goals. Yeah, it's goals. Well, too bad. Also, the amount of bronzer that gets used in this show is overwhelming.

Oh, really? Do you know what bronzer is? No. Makes you look tan. Some of that is on this show. Are you kidding? Everyone is covered in bronzer. Really?

But these men work the land. It's natural that they would get sun. Yeah. I don't know if they were working the land at Burbank Studios though, so maybe they did need some bronzer. They were at Sephora. Yeah, they weren't working the land on Olive Avenue.

They had to get some bronzer on them. I suppose. By the way, did you also notice when Pa says any, you know, during the 30 seconds, the person's seconds may come in and bring the person back to their corner to rest. And he looks at the dude goes, would you like to assign any seconds like helpers? He just looks at him like, I don't need it. Like does that really contemptuous,

and then just turns away like, don't need any help. This will be over soon. Oh yeah. Whereas, you know, Haas has two seconds there helping him out. Yeah, cause Harry doesn't want anything to do with his little brother, the Duke anymore. Yeah, Harry's not there.

He's abandoned him. Yep. Well, Haas, what turns it around for Hoss? Something, there is, this is when we get that beautiful POV shot. I looked away for a second and it had turned around. I could not tell you. I don't know if there was anything in particular.

They shifted his POV and then suddenly he's strong. Well, we do have the weird point of view shot of Hoss looking and some great face acting on Blocker when he's being dazed and then we see the Duke and it's all warped and weird looking and oh, this guy's in trouble. Yeah. Haas is not a good boxer. I'll say that.

No. I mean, because he- Really telegraphs his punches. Oh, big time. Oh, you see those things coming. Yeah. He sends a postcard before he does a punch. It'll be all right, haymaker.

Prepare yourself. And then he doesn't do anything to prevent himself from being punched at all. No, he does not put his hands up. And to the point where at one point during the boxing match, and I guess this is another sign of contempt, the Duke pauses to straighten his hair. He has a little jauntre vol to like, make sure my hair looks okay. Like that's how in control he is.

Oh, he also has a jaunty little sash around his waist. He, yes he does. I don't know what that was. It's, it's rude. Yeah. Stopped by Z Gallery and bought a curtain sash. Is that a tube top that just slipped down? It did. It kind of looked like a tube top to be honest. It looked like some weird, it looked like he was wearing long johns with like, I don't know, a big belt, a cummerbund. Yeah. He's very committed to this. Super tight tights on his bottom half is the Duke.

But anyway, Hoss defeats him. Hoss, right? That's all. He just beats the shit out of him. But then he feels bad for him because he says he was all alone. He's looking down and he goes, that was the one part. It was like, oh, that's all, he just beats the shit out of him. But then he feels bad for him because he says, he was all alone. He's looking down and he goes, that was the one part, it was like, oh, that was kind of amazing. The way he was like, everyone around was cheering and he's just going, he was all alone.

That was kind of, oh, that was a deep little moment. That's the moment I had there. That was cool, yeah, I like that. Altman lick. Yeah, Altman, yeah. Hoss beat him up but he never hated him. No, he doesn't hate, Hoss doesn't hate him. He can't hate.

No, he's too much of a sweetheart. Well, now we're back at the Ponderosa. Harry and the Duke have to fork over $1,000 to Pa. They are going to San Francisco to beat the Benicia boy who sent a telegram saying, I'll fight you, but you gotta come here. The Benicia boy didn't send a telegram. Who sent the telegram?

Adam did. Adam, because they gotta explain, he's gotta be somewhere in there. Well, Adam, who by the way was in San Francisco this whole time, just sent a telegram back. Sometimes because he wouldn't come out of his trailer. Right. Sometimes Purnell telegrams his performance in.

That's fine. It's crazy how happy everyone is. It's like a sitcom ending where they're just like, well, you know, this didn't work out. We'll go to San Francisco and have a ride about it. But I also forget that JD and who's the girl? Marge. They're there. Who's the one woman?

The one woman. The one woman. Yeah. And apparently, Pa has given them a house. Yep. Just like you would any of his sons. There you go. House. has given them a house. Yep, just like he would any of his sons. There you go, house. And the Duke just pauses to go,

oh, beastly sorry about that rape. And, yeah. And every, cheerio, pip pip. It's a happy, we're happy for everybody. And they're like, yeah, okay, that's fine. But here, okay, here's the thing that I bumped up against. So the Duke at the end is like,

I've learned humility, I was wrong, I need to be a better person. But it wasn is like, I've learned humility, I was wrong, I need to be a better person. But it wasn't like, he wasn't roundly beaten in that fight. He, like, for two rounds, he's just killing Hoss. And then Hoss just outlasts him. So it wasn't like he went, oh, I really need to, I've been completely humbled. Yeah, he didn't learn his lesson.

No, so the weird change at the end was just, the writer's like, we can't have him, we can't have a psycho rapist leaving the show still a psycho rapist, so let's just have him. I guess you can, I guess what they're saying is you can beat the psycho rapist out of someone in the Old West, I don't know. It's a form of therapy they haven't used enough.

Take the bastard out of the psycho. Men will literally do anything but go to therapy. Rapist, but you can't take the psycho the bastard out of the psycho. Then we'll literally do anything but go to therapy. Rapist, but you can't take the psycho rapist out of the bastard. Wait a minute. I don't know. Another way around. But it was a really that whole ending with and then, of course, they have to end in the little joke.

Oh, yeah. It goes, when you have kids, I hope they're not as these two. And then it's Haas and Little Joe going, we work on that, right? They're going to. Oh, they're going to keep boxing. Little Joe is going to manage Haoss as a prize fighter now. Here they go again. Oh, it's funny. I'm so curious to hear what your friends think about this episode

when you do Banana Club. Literally never showing this to my friends. What? Truly the most boring thing I've ever had to watch. I thought I was going to die. You're going to watch it again by yourself? I literally was like, I hope someone beats me up, so I don't have to watch this anymore

Next time when you have her watch. Yeah, why don't you have like a slumber party? She can bring her friend Oh watch a few Popcorn and little cowboy hats and yogurt yogurt packs that the squeeze out Yeah, go-gurt. Go-gurt. And I'll say, gather round, girls. It's time to watch Bonanza. Me and my friends only eat at Air-wan.

Air-wan? Yeah. Hey, good lord. Is Air-wan nowhere spelled backwards even though it's not quite? Oh, isn't it? Yeah. No, there's two letters out. Two letters are on the, the W and the H are the wrong.

Yeah, but it still feels like are they going for that? Like it's nowhere backwards, so it's somewhere. I just go there for the Haley Bieber smoothie. The what? The what? It's $25. You've bought it for me before. But what did you say it was called?

Haley Bieber smoothie. Haley Bieber? Oh my God. What are you starting to say? Who's Haley Bieber? Haley Bieber, literally one of the queens. Who are you talking about? Married to Justin Bieber.

Oh, Justin Bieber got married. Is that you like? Certainly I do. I like him settling down. He's one of his original YouTube subscribers. How old are the brothers supposed to be? In their 30s? They look like they're 45. I don't rightly know exactly the ages of our ring. The boxers about 28 and then his older brothers about 64.

Oh, those brothers. Oh, the two brothers. No, no. I mean, the cart ride. Oh, well, they're different. They're from different moms, but there's somehow all 48. Yeah, I don't know how they did that. And so is their father.

People age differently back then. Are they all? Yeah, are they all virgins? Oh, yeah. I don't know how they did that. And so is their father. People age differently back then. Are they all, are they all virgins? Oh yeah, of course they are. They're not married, ma'am. Wow. They're men of principle and they're not married.

And they do not spill their seed, so. They do not commit the sin of onanism. No, that's right. Absolutely not. That's really sad. What do you mean it's sad? It's the saddest thing I've ever seen. What are you talking about?

All virgin guys. What? That's how it's done. That's how it's done? It's the saddest thing I've ever seen. He's talking gentlemanly. Which old virgin guys. What? That's how it's done. That's how it's done. That was a wet day. You sit on that tension, you need that tension and anger to pull off a cattle drive. That's right.

If you're satisfied and satiated and have sexual equilibrium, you can't drive a herd of cattle up the mountain. No way, man. That's all about sexual tension. You gotta be wound up and angry, and that's how you do it. Even Paws only had sex three times. That's it.

One time with the giant. Yeah. I think the Yeti took him against his will. I don't think he was a willing participant at that point. That Yeti gal comes down once every 12 years. Yeah, she wants what she wants. Sierra Rockies, she takes what she wants. Sierra Rockies, and she takes what she wants. But Paul's done the right thing and raised the child.

Exactly. Yeah, he did. You don't abandon those kids. Whoa! Whoa! Things are falling off. Well, once the Yeti took him, he says, I better marry her. Yeah, I gotta make an honest Yeti of her.

Excuse me. My little kitty cat puzzle fell down. Oh, what? Red Puzz. French. I'm sorry to say that there's only 373 episodes of Bonanza left to go. That's all there is left. I swear to God, this Netflix model,

they don't give a show a chance. Right. They just, oh, what's the next thing? Exactly right. They just keep, cause they think we don't have the attention span. I know. Unbelievable.

There's only five more Altman episodes left too, but I don't know when the next one is, but when it is, we'll get in touch. By the way, I don't know if you ever do live shows, but this past weekend I was out in Malibu and I drove by Dan Blocker Beach. Oh yeah. And Michael Landon Park.

Are you serious? Very close to each other, and then apparently also in that area, Lorne Green had a huge spread. So they all like were, had stuff up Malibu. So maybe a little outdoor thing in Michael Linden Park, who knows? That's a great idea.

Wouldn't that be nice? And Pernell Roberts owns an Orange Julius. So right off of PCH. So there's so many locations you can see. Oh man. Good for him. Could you imagine a live show on Dam Blocker Beach with a fire going? Would you bring your friends?

No. Why? Why not? Gosh, I want to meet some of these fans. It's getting weird how much you want to meet my friends. A Bonanza-themed rave. Your friends wouldn't go crazy for that? I just don't want my friends to die of boredom.

Oh, my God. She's funny. I can't wait to, yeah she is. She's a handful. Well I just can't wait to get those girls over in their pajamas and show them some bananas. All right folks, well that landed perfectly fine. That's an episode of Bananas from Bananas.

You edit these before you put them out, right? Hell no. Oh boy. I don't know how to do that. Anybody want to plug anything? When does this drop? Soon, couple weeks. Oh no, oh my God, it's gonna literally come out tomorrow night.

Will it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, if you're listening, this Sunday, May 5th, I'm gonna be at the United Theater on Broadway as part of the Netflix Is a Joke Fest. And for you Bonanza fans, Thursday the 2nd of May, I'll be in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Oh, beautiful.

At the Tulsa Theater and on Friday in Dallas, Texas. Oh yeah. At the Majestic. Wow. So come on out and give me a big bananas for Bonanza. Hello. What are you doing talking about Bonanza in these cities? Probably not, I'll be doing some jokes,

but I'm happy to talk to any audience members about bananas. Okay, great. How about you, Markey? Anything you want to plug? I wanna plug my favorite podcasts. This book changed my life. Hey Randi, going deep on cbbworld.com. And finally.

And finally. And finally, what? Bananas for Bananas. No. You saved that to the end. I refuse, no. Jesus Christ. All right, we'll straighten her out by next time. Now get, bye now.

Pfft. Wow. Bananas for Bananzas brought to you by Andy Daly with Mad Corley. Theme song by Mad Corley with The Journey, which in this case are Mark McConville, Daniel Michikoff and Wade Wright. Bananas for Bananzas mixed and edited by Mark McConley. Executive produced by Andy Daly and Mad Corley. We'll see you around.