Bonanas for Bonanza - Bonanas For Bonanza Episode #60: “The Gift”

Episode Date: May 28, 2025

Subscribe to The Andy Daly Podcast Project at Patreon.com/AndyDaly Real estate developer Janaloo Hicks joins Dalton and Mutt to discuss Beef Men, canyon strategy, and the best way to abandon a child—plus a damn fine TV show: Bonanza, Season 2, Episode 27, 'The Gift’!Featuring Matt Gourley and Janet VarneyMerch: redbubble.com/people/ADPodProject/shopMail: PO Box 9407 Glendale, CA 91226Email: [e-mail]’s website: andydaly.comRecord date: 6/5/2024 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is Will Lu from the Hello and Welcome podcast and Google Pixel just sent me their latest phone in the Google Pixel 9 So I've been using pixels for a long time now dating back to the pixel 2 but Google Pixel took it to a whole new level With Gemini, this is your personal AI assistant. That's always ready to solve problems So for example, my parents insist on texting me in Chinese, even though I prefer English, but that's okay though, because I just asked Gemini. Hey Gemini, can you help me translate the latest text I got from my dad? Here's the translation of the text message from your dad. We're all home. Don't worry. Translation, we have all arrived home. Don't worry.

That's great, thanks Gemini. Gemini, your personal AI system on Google Pixel 9 just makes things easier. Learn more about Google Pixel 9 at store.google.com. We release an episode of bananas for bonanza every other week if you want to hear them earlier and add free Please subscribe to patreon.com Slash Andy Daly you'll also find the entire archive there as well as two bonus podcasts access to the discord and more Subscribe today and now enjoy this episode of bananas for bonanza Bonanza. I'm gonna get started with a What damn is bananas for bonanza episode, upon which and in which and through which we will discuss Bonanza episode 59, which is season two, episode 27,

the gift, and we are, it's a good episode, we are joined by a guest, Mutt Taylor. Hello Mutt. Hi, how you doing? You're not the guest. No, but I got a little mini guest at the Cannish Litz. Oh yeah, I'm gonna open open my can of Schlitz too. We're going to open our guest,

declined our offer of a 10 a.m. Schlitz. But we're having one, our guest is, your real estate developer. We're going to find out what that means. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Jana Lou Hicks to the show. Hi y'all, hi. Thank you so much for having me.

This is so exciting. It's so fun to be here. I'm such a fan. You are? Oh, that's good to hear. I'm excited. Yeah. We, you, you reached out to us by the emails and we said, we'll have you on, God damn it. Tell us what the hell real estate is. Cause people don't really reach out and say, can I be on Bonanza for Bonanza? But I'm so curious to hear what is a real estate developer? What do you mean by that? Where are you from? What's your story?

Well, I'm originally from Tucson, Arizona. Oh, that's the real American wish. Yeah. And I'm actually, thank you very much. I'm one of the very few people who actually has the accent that people think comes from Arizona, but it shows no trace in Arizona. But you have it. Most people in Arizona sound like newscasters.

They do, right? My family has been keeping this accent alive ever since we migrated over from Texas about a hundred years ago. Wow. That's hard to do. That's hard to do. Well, you know, language preservation is just very important, I think. Cultural preservation.

That's a beautiful sentiment. Thank you. I never thought about it that way. Because you know, people when they're born in a place tend to speak like the people who live in that place. Nose matters where their parents is from. Nose matters where? Nose do matter.

Right. If you can't smell, how can you hear an accent? If your nose don't nose, how can you hear the nose? Exactly. That's right. How deeply can you distill an accent down geographically? I get you could do a state, even a city, but could you get to a house? I think in some areas you absolutely could get to a house.

I'll be damned wild. But not in Arizona, no. No. In Arizona, people pretty much sound the same. They do. Again, I have carried on the tradition that my family and my daddy, God rest his soul, that we all brought to the great state of Arizona. How did they do it? How did they keep you from picking up the regional lack of accent?

How did they keep the parental origin accent, or maybe even it was your grandparents that came originally from Texas. How did they do it? Was it hard work? Whippin'. Oh! So if you ever said, like, I don't know, give me a word like that. I don't know. Like if you said a sentence like, here I am, I can't even do it. Like normal Arizona person sentence. Like, hi, I'm from Tucson, Tucson, Arizona. Oh, you can sound like it if you want to.

Oh, of course. But that would have got you wet. You pick it up. You pick it up. I mean, there are going to be situations where it's just safer for you to use that Tucson accent. Like if you're going to go to like the center of photography at the University of Arizona, you want to sound like, you know, city folk.

Oh, I see. Go to the OK Corral and Tombstone. If you go to the OK Corral, you're going to use my accent, my friend, because all the tourists there are expecting to hear it anyway. OK, that's good. Yeah. So you would have been whooped for talking like a city folk around the house. Oh, no, I think you've misunderstood. We had to make whipping cream every time.

We had to whip every time we would use the incorrect accent to be punished by having to make it. No, your arm gets so tired. It's a real torture. It's a type of corporal punishment to have to use that whipping arm every time to try to talk like a two-cylinder. They did that down at Guantanamo. I know they made them make whipped cream by hand with

a whisk and sometimes even just a wooden spoon. Oh my goodness. And it's like you're not even allowed to change arms to your whipped cream. Sometimes they wouldn't even let you put whipped cream on your pudding in Guantanamo is what I heard. That's what I heard too. Were you allowed to eat the whipped cream once you were done with it? Yes we were.

Alright, that's a treat anyway. Exclusively, that's what we were to eat all day. That's all you had? That was part of the punishment. It only tastes better if it's been someone that's been tortured. If it's cruelty-free, whipped cream is not as good as blood whipped cream. But it's not as fluffy. It's not. You just noticed that.

I wasn't going to say that. I wasn't going to say it because that might sound to me like it could be political incorrect, but you're right. You can taste the suffering when someone has made the whipped cream against their will and it makes all the difference It's the same thing as tasting someone's love when the love goes into the cooking you taste it when the suffering does I don't know why that would be on PC. No, yeah, maybe you're right, but it because it's just true You can't argue with it. Well, all right. It's good to have you here. You're in there What do you know? What does it mean that you're a real estate developer? You do that in Tucson. I do that all over, to be honest,

all over the American West, yes. My daddy, God rest his soul, wrote books about- Are you saying that because he's dead? Oh, thank you so much for clarifying. Yes, he is. Oh, he is, okay, all right. He is. All right, yep.

And he does have an uneasy soul, so I'm begging God to- He's got restless soul syndrome. He has a restless soul syndrome. He was on medication for a while. Okay. And I'm not sure if it was a medication that killed him. Most people think he died from sadness. Okay. That is actually something that runs through my family. People die of broken hearts and

sadness. Terminal sadness. Terminal sadness. Actually, it doesn't even have to be terminal. It can hit you. Boom, just like that. You seem very happy. It's like a faulty- Yeah. Sure. And underneath I hide a mountain of sadness

because I am a hicks. Now, my daddy wrote books about ghost towns and mining camps. Oh, I see. I don't wanna alarm you. I know you have issues with the supernatural. Well, yeah. But- Well, not issues, I just kill them when I see them.

Understood, issues, minor issues, but I wanna reassure you, the whole nomenclature of a ghost town, that's not about the supernatural, but lots of people thought my daddy wrote books about ghosts. And that's not the case. He wrote books about towns that were boom towns,

thriving mining towns, not unlike what we see in a bonanza. The word bonanza would be used all the time in these towns as they were booming up. They would mine all of the ore and then they would skedaddle, especially if the railroad, for example, was building elsewhere in a nearby town. Those towns would become deserted and they would be ghost towns. My daddy wrote books about that and he conducted ghost town tours, et cetera. It was very hard on my family because ghost towns by their very nature are

often very far away from major metropolitan areas. So you guys would live in a ghost town for a period of time. So we would stay near a ghost town for a period of time, but again, very difficult on my family. So when my daddy passed away of sadness, I decided that I was going to get into real estate development and what I do is I was going to get into real estate development. What I do is I develop ghost towns. Oh, you do?

You make it from scratch? No, I don't. I actually find ways to kick people out of communities so that the houses become empty, so that they then become ghost towns. They're so conveniently located. Wait, this is like eminent domain, but not by the government and not to gentrify the property, but if anything to de-gentrify it. Correct. Wow. I want it to be, I want to see those tumbleweeds blowing through uninterrupted.

So I've been very successful in the state of California. Like right now, a lot of people are moving to Texas and I'm not going to reveal my secrets. Oh. But we are getting towards like I've been taking a hard sharp look at a town called Pasadena. Now that. Hey. Excuse me. Hold on. I want to back up a few steps because I thought you was going to say that what you do is you find an abandoned town and you develop it into a nice new town. Why would I do that? Those towns are very remote. They're very far away.

So you instead want to find a town that's already in a good location and ghostitate it, whatever the process is of making it a ghost town. Ghostification. Ghostification. And then, that's opposite of gentrification, ghostification. Opposite, sure.

And then you're gonna take it from an empty state to a whatever you want it to be state? The empty state is what I want it to be. And so people can come in and they can visit and they can write their stories. The goal is ghost towns. And they can take their tours and it's not gonna take any daddy away from anybody when they're gone for days and weeks at a time to go write their books about these far away mining camps. So the fan is what I'm doing is keeping the family intact, but still allowing young people, old people, middle people to go in and

just enjoy those ghost towns and enjoy the history behind the ghost towns. Because it's also very important, as I said, as a language cultural preservationist, it's also important to preserve the cultural history of the ghost towns because it's also very important as I said as a language cultural Preservationist it's also important to preserve the cultural history of a ghost town It's a successful business for you. Um, it's in its infancy It's still learning to title. Okay, but again, I am seeing progress I'm curious Do you ever as a method of getting people to leave their homes? I'm curious, do you ever, as a method of getting people to leave their homes, pull the trick from an old sitcom or a Scooby-Doo where you fake ghosts so people get scared and move

out, which in a sense also is publicity for your ghost tale. Well, you're very close. I don't want to give away all my secrets. I would say the only little sticking point in your theory is that the ghosts are real. And again, I know I snuck that up on you. I know you don't love it. Yes, I know the paranormal is not your favorite, but they are friendly ghosts. All right. Now I do know people who have left the Pasadena area and said, I'm going to Texas. Very often it's Austin, very popular city right now. Yes, I've seen a fair amount of that. And I have noticed that things around Pasadena, particularly the Old Town area, if you want to let's say diagonally cross the streets, which is something you can do in Pasadena, very strange. It's wild.

It's wild. I've seen it happen. It's fun. I thought it was in Japan, you know, that famous Japanese, oh, Shibuya back to Yuya. So yeah, I think it's... I've noticed that there's fewer cars and fewer people of late. Fewer people for the cars. And are you taking responsibility for that as part of your campaign to engustify Pasadena? Again, I don't like to reveal too many secrets and I like, here's the thing. What I'm torn with is I wanna promote the work I'm doing,

the good work that I am doing. I wanna raise money for my foundation. I have not turned it into a 501C3 yet, so I'm not sure if I can legally allow it. It's currently a for-profit? Yes. Okay. I'm not sure it can be a foundation if it's for-profit at this time. I really don't know how that works.

So we may have to, I'll let you know if we need to pop in some edits. If we need to do some ADR. I think Coca-Cola is a foundation, isn't it? The Coca-Cola foundation, that's who you buy your Coca-Cola from. What if you just actually were to build a cement slab foundation on some small location, inch by an inch, just so you can say, this is my foundation. Oh my God, can you build concrete inch by inch? You can if you put a tiny little rebar in there.

Just bend a paper clip into the ground in a U shape and then put a little inch by inch slab of concrete. Can I say I love that? Sure you can. If you could brew up, I'm not sure how you make concrete. I've seen it in those little turners. If you just put it in a little tiny thimble and just shake up an inch of concrete

and lay it out so there's no waste. Well, to pour an inch of concrete, you actually need a concrete mixing truck that has a thimble in the back for the mixer. So it's a whole little miniature world. Oh, that's wonderful. It's not hard to pour an inch by inch concrete foundation. What's hard is creating the miniature world. Oh, that's wonderful. It's not hard to pour an inch by inch concrete foundation.

What's hard is creating the miniature world accoutrement. But it's also fun. It is so funny that you would say that. You know what? I'm not going to spoil it. I have a little surprise for both of you and it's very interesting that you would bring up miniature worlds. Really?

But now's not the time. We'll get deeper into the episode and I'll reveal a little something. I just want to say though, didn't you say, didn't you tell us a few moments ago that part of your way of driving people out of a place like Pasadena is to have actual ghosts scare them away? Is that something that I heard a few moments ago? Yeah, I'll follow up questions. Yeah?

Oh, I like that. There's no, I don't have to answer the question. You do, but just remember, you have to test both these. Like the second peel of thunder. Where do you get these ghosts? How are you bringing them here? Okay. Answer his question first. First of all, I know when I'm being accused of ghost trafficking.

Okay. I hear what you're saying. Yeah. I'm not comfortable with it. That's a serious accusation. I am not doing that. I am using locally sourced ghosts. Thank you very much. Well, Glendale ghosts. Some of them, yes,

happened to be Glendale ghosts. Some of them are all Tadena ghosts. Okay. So you're bringing, you're bringing ghosts into, into Pasadena, and you're getting them to scare people away. Inviting ghosts into Pasadena. These are not new money ghosts, right? These are at least old money ghosts? Some of them aren't even money ghosts. Oh no. Some of them are just plain old, everyday, simple talking, blue collar ghosts who deserve to be at a ghost town just as much as highfalutin ghosts walking around, clutching their ghostly

pearls. Lord Almighty. We need all, you know, clutching their ghostly pearls. Lord almighty. We need all, you know, we welcome all kinds of ghosts. Now I could be outraged, but I'm choosing to see opportunity here, which is that obviously you have the ability to communicate with ghosts, right? I do. So you and I, I think, don't answer now. Yes, I will go on a date with you.

Oh, okay. That was not what I was going to ask. No, but I know where I'm happy to go. Probably. Um, what's that place called on sunset where you can write a book in Bronco? What'd they call it? That's where we're going. That's where I take a first date all the time. This Bronco booking. Good crowd there. I'm so excited.

You're kind of crowd there. Yeah, I know it is. Yeah. But wait, was I going to ask you, oh, you and I could work out a deal. 6 p.m. would be great next Friday. At the Saddle Ranch next Friday? I'd love to be picked up for the date. I would not prefer to meet you at the Saddle Ranch.

I'd like to be picked up for my date. Do you mind going by horseback? I would love to go by horseback. Okay, now I forget what I was going to ask. All right. And that's how it's done. I see what happened. That is how it's done. She charmed you out of a very important and I think pertinent question probably about ghosts of some kind. And yeah, I don't know what you're boutonniers. Oh, I should bring you boutonniers. One on each wrist. Oh, I'm a real, I'm going to wear that. More of a corsage boutonniers. Two boutonniers? One on each wrist. Oh, on my wrist? I'm gonna wear that.

That's more of a corsage. When does a boutonniere become a corsage? This is like, what's champagne and what's Prosecco? Oh, yeah. Well, all right. I'll wear as many goddamn flowers as you want and I'll bring some for you too. I can't wait.

All right. That's so great. That's wonderful. But I did, what was I gonna ask? I can't remember. So what episode are we talking about? We're talking about episode of season two, That's wonderful. But I didn't, what was I gonna ask? I can't remember. All right. So what episode are we talking about? We're talking about episode of season two, episode 27.

I might've got charmed out of a important question. I know you did. I did get charmed into a date though. So that's, you know, it's a trade off. All right, that's fine. This episode, wait, I say this at the beginning of every episode. Hello friend, come on in.

The gate is open wide. Welcome to Bananas for Bonanza. Today we'll discuss in season two, episode 27, the gift this episode has everything. The entire regular cast, action galore, a fine and sensitive portrayal of Mexicanism by Martin Landau, and a new love interest in the form of a very beautiful and powerful horse.

Is this, no, there's no women in this episode. I was gonna say. Unless the horse is a horse. I'm actually not sure what the gender of the horse is, to tell you the truth. I feel like they would have called it a mare. Oh yeah. I think you're right.

I think it's an all male episode. Yeah, I think you're right. Okay, all right. But yeah, there ain't a woman anywhere in sight of this episode. Not even, although to be honest with you, I'm afraid to imagine where she, what her circumstances would have been had we been introduced to a lady. I think it might be for the best.

And I don't usually say that because I like to see women. I like to see more women in shows like this, but in this case, it might be for the best. Yeah, that's true. She might have, yeah, she'd had a hard time in Tass and Wells or any of the various encampments that we stumbled upon along the way in this episode. Hello, this is Will Lu from the Hello and Welcome podcast, and Google Pixel just sent me their latest phone in the Google Pixel 9. So I've been using Pixels for a long time now, dating back to the Pixel 2, but Google

Pixel took it to a whole new level with Gemini. This is your personal AI assistant that's always ready to solve problems. So for example, my parents insist on texting me in Chinese, even though I prefer English, but that's okay though, because I just asked Gemini. Hey Gemini, can you help me translate the latest text I got from my dad? Here's the translation of the text message from your dad. We're all home. Don't worry.

Translation, we have all arrived home. Don't worry. That's great. Thanks Gemini. Gemini, your personal AI system on Google Pixel 9 just makes things easier. Learn more about Google Pixel 9 at store.google.com. Well, all right, I'm going to tell you before we get deep into the episode of about a few of the things that was going on the day this episode aired, which happened to have

been April 1st, 1961, can you imagine the fool's day pranks that would have got up to in 1961? I can't, but there probably were some. I bet it was, uh, uh-oh, nuclear apocalypse. Oh, right. That would have been a perfect one in 1961. Oh, it would have been so funny. People would have just been laughing and laughing when they found out about that.

Yeah, and old John Kennedy came on the television and said, Russia sent over a whole bunch of nukes into our major cities. Oh my God. Everybody, when they found out, everybody come out of their little burrows, their cute little burrows that they dug with haste, you know, because most people couldn't afford to have a fallout shelter. So they just come up from under the ground, all dusty and dirty. I miss it. I truly do.

Oh, gosh. Yeah, right. That's funny. April Fool's Day. I didn't know it was legal to release a television episode on April Fool's Day back in 1961. I know. I have prepared myself to be pranked by this episode, but it didn't. Exactly. I don't believe it happened. Well, to be honest with you, there were some things that happened this episode I was not expecting and I would have preferred that it be an April Fool's Day joke.

I know. There were some difficult things to happen in this episode. You're right. Well, the number one country song at the time was Don't Worry by Marty Robbins. Same as last time. People are still going to see Exodus at the movie theater, still the number one movie. The number one song on the pop charts was Blue Moon by the doo-wop group, the Marcells, which is, they was named after a popular hairstyle of the day, the Marcell wave. I can't think of any other bands that's named after a hairstyle. Oh, the Beehive. The Flock of Seagulls. The Flock of Seagulls. Wasn't that a hairstyle? It was like a flock of seagulls flying through the air in a flock.

I feel like their band first was the band and then was the haircut, but you might be right. We'll never know. There's no way to trace it back. But I thought we'd listen to this stupid song. Their version of Blue Moon is stupid as hell. Oh, really? The Marcel's version.

Just listen to it. These people... I hate it. That's all I'm gonna say, but let's hear it. Okay. This is a version used in American Werewolf in London. Oh it is? I believe. I just found it. Trigger warning werewolf alert. Apologies. Apologies. I've seen that movie. And London alert. London alert, that's my trigger. Well, as far as I'm concerned, London can have werewolves.

I wouldn't mind if the two of them destroyed one another's, you know what I mean? Yeah, I get it. How would that work? Well, London and the werewolf would both blow each other up with the nuclear silver bullet bomb. I see, I see. The silver bullet bomb.

April Fools. April Fools. Bob Seger and the silver bullet bomb. My God. That's what he should have called him. Well, I hate that song. I can't even necessarily explain why. It's all that dip-a-dip-dip-dop-do-do-do-do.

Now see, I like that. I think that's very fun. Do you know of a musician named Wolfman Hot Dog? No, I do not. And he sings with Sean Arnau whenever he can, but he can't. No, I like that. I think that's very fun. Do you know of a musician named Wolfman Hot Dog? No, I do not. And he sings with Sha Na Na whenever he can, but he can't. No, I don't know. Oh, he does a lot of that. It's called doo-wopping. Doo-wopping?

Wolfman Hot Dog? Yeah. What is going on right now with you and wolves? You can't stop bringing them up. Yeah. Question. Wait a minute. What? No, don't.

If I'm not mistaken, there's a character in this episode whose name is Wolf. Oh, you're right. And there's a new movie with George Clooney and Brad Pitt coming out called Wolves. Really? Not wolves. Wolves. Wolves. Wolves.

Yeah. Yeah, that's how you say it. Wolfs. Yeah. Even when there's an L and a V? Huh? No. Don't do that. Don't spell it like that. How do you pluralize shelf? How do you pluralize? Elf.

Health? Elf. Oh, well. A harm I'd like to... Elf. Oh, well. A hall I'd like to... Elfs and shelves and wolves. And you don't say elevants? Elevants?

Don't you get rid of the pH sound and bring in a V when it's thorough? Elevants? Why am I being so peppered with questions about pluralizing strange words? Take her on a date. It's a sprinkling of questions. It's a torrent of questions. And it is a preview for what our date's going to be. I ask a lot of questions on the first date.

Oh, Lord. Oh, my God. Well, I'm very tessiturn and I'm strong and I'm a little bit of a wimp. I'm a little bit of a wimp. I'm a little bit of a wimp. I'm a little bit of a wimp. I'm a little bit of a wimp. I'm a little bit of a wimp. I'm a little bit of a wimp. I'm a little bit of a wimp. I'm a little bit of a wimp. I'm a little bit of questions. It's a torrent of questions. And it is a preview for what our date's going to be. I ask a lot of questions on the first day.

Oh, Lord. Oh, my God. Well, I'm very taciturn and I'm strong and silent on a date, just so you know. That's what I'm, that's what I want. I'm going to have them bring over a spittoon and that's all you'll hear from me throughout the night. Some spits into that spittoon and then we'll go buck a bronco. Who was born on this date?

A celebrity. April 1st, 1961. Can you guess? Why would you be able to? Susan Boyle! Susan Boyle! Wonderful singer, Susan Boyle. I tell you what. I'd love to hear her rendition of Blue Moon with all the booga-da-boongs, dang-da-dang-dang-dangs. Yeah, that'd be fun. That'd be very fun. Is she still singing? I hope so. Well, I'm so glad you asked because I was curious to know what is Susan Boyle up to now. And so I went to YouTube and I asked them, oh shit, I didn't write down the time code

for the exact thing I wanted. I found a 30 minute video called, What is Susan Boyle doing in 2024? And now I have to find the exact moment that I was going to play for you because I can't 30 minute video? It's 30 minutes. What is she doing that would in this year alone that's only halfway through that requires 30 minutes? It looks like it's a little mini biography if not a maxi biography.

It's long. That's what I can report that about it. Maybe she started a foundation. Oh good. I found the spot I was looking for. Is this AI narrated? I know it is. No, no, no. That's exactly what I wanted to ask you I was looking for. Is this AI narrated? I know it is.

No, no, no, that's exactly what I wanted to ask you, because I can never tell whether something is narrated by artificial intelligence or a person. So I want to play you just a sample here and see what you think. Beloved icon, when asked about her indulgences, Susan admitted to splurging on a few luxuries, including a fur coat and a piano. However, her modest lifestyle and unassuming demeanor spoke volumes about her character, reflecting a woman who valued sincerity and authenticity

above all elsey. I can't tell! Okay, hold on. Put a quick pause on that. What has happened? Did I just have a stroke? What is going on? She is a woman whose character prices authenticity above all else.

But that's definitely a person. I was only listening to the tamper of the voice. I truly did. Wow. I will play it again. I'm more than happy to play it again. I have nothing to hide. What? 2744? I cannot believe my ears. 27... Okay. What if it isn't AI and someone is out there having a stroke as we speak? When asked about her indulgences, Susan admitted to splurging on a few luxuries, including a fur coat and a piano. However, her modest lifestyle and unassuming demeanor

spoke volumes about her character, reflecting a woman who valued sincerity and authenticity above all elsey. I... How can you not... I am so... How can you do all that and not know what else is? I'm very uncomfortable right now.

You know what I mean? Above all elsey. This is the uncanny valley. It is, right? It sounds like a human person, but then they're saying words that have stopped making sense. I'm very uncomfortable right now. You know what I mean? This is the uncanny valley. It sounds like a human person, but then they're saying words that have stopped making sense halfway through. I can't believe I'm about to defend AI, but I feel like that was whoever made this transcribed it wrong.

Uh-huh. Because else is a common word that AI knows. You think so? Yeah. Character as well. But that's why I think it can't be AI. Character. Oh, you think it's someone that's trying to say...

That's a step up from a character. Character. I think a robot is too smart to pronounce Elsie, and therefore it must be a man. But to your point, if the AI is simply reading a poorly constructed script, then they would just see, they would pronounce what they quote unquote saw. And by the way, if it isn't AI, I'm very uncomfortable about those human sounding breaths. I don't care for it.

I don't care for it. I heard an intake of breath. If it knows to do the breaths, let's take a moment to just walk it back and think the type of person that would spend this much time writing up something on just this year's version of Susan Boyle might not get all the spelling right. I understand what you're saying.

I don't even know why you assume that there's a script. I hear someone speaking from their heart when I listen to that. If you believe that, what else are you going to believe? Actually did we learn? What is she doing? Oh, she said in 2012 that she has Asperger's and everybody said, we noticed. And then she also had a stroke,

but she's still out there trying to sing and doing all that business. Oh dear. She sold eight, she's had eight studio albums to date, and she did something only the Beatles had done, which is to have two number one albums in the same year. Wow. That is extraordinary.

This person or computer estimates that she has a fortune of $40 million at her command. Oh my. They never get those things right though, but maybe she had a stroke and maybe that's her talking. Oh, okay. That's an interesting idea. So we took 30 minutes for that, and just that information about 2024 to be communicated via the YouTube. Well, to be honest, I did not watch all 30 minutes. I skipped around.

I thought you said you do too much preparation for this. This seems underprepared. You're right. You skimmed towards the end. That's what I did. I thought- It might have been going backwards. You don't know.

It could have been like, here's where we are in 2024. Now, let's take a look back at her character. By the Cliffs Notes to this? Well, the first five minutes I thought to myself, oh, I see. Sorry, Cliffs Notes. The Cliffs Notes, thank you. Which Cliffs? You're wrong again.

First five minutes I said, there's a lot of filler in this. Let me skip to the very end and have them do the big reveal of what she's up to now. And then I heard that little thing there and I says, well, I can't listen anymore because it's driving me crazy whether it's a man or machine. And so I figured I'd bring it to you guys. I guess I got distracted.

Well, all I can say is there's a lot of filler in this face, but you're still going to enjoy your date with me. Okay. All right. What do you mean by that? Nothing. All right. Also on this day, April 1st, 1961, the morning sickness, suppressant

thalidomide went on sale for the first time. How'd that go? It went so well. It got in the Billy Joel song, didn't it? Yeah, we didn't start the fire. Oh, okay. That's the song that has every word? Wheel of Fortune, Sally Ride. Every word of all words in it?

Yeah. Harry Truman, wait, Wheel of Fortune, Sally Ride. Suicide's in there somewhere. I'm sorry. I don't care for that word. Wheel of Fortune, Sally Ride, Walter Winchell something suicide. Winchell's Donut Suicide. Hibidermics on the Shore, Charnels Under My Children of the Little Mide.

Then there's that little guitar solo. Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, it must be good for Jim. I think if AI writes a song, the first true original song it's going to write will actually be We Didn't Start the Fire. And I don't know how that's going to work with time travel and whatnot, but that makes sense to me.

I know what you mean. Is that a prompt you could give AI? Write We Didn't Start the Fire by Billie Joel and see what it does. But like the 2024 version? Oh, that's a great idea. Someone did do like a 2015 version or something. Oh, I believe I remember that. Yeah. Billie Joel should do a new one every damn year, don't you think?

2024. That'd be good. There's been a lot of nice things happening. Yeah. To remember. He could get it all from that video I just watched about Susan Boyle. Everything would be about Susan Boyle. I'll tell you what. There you go. That's what you ask AI, right? A 2024, we didn't start the fire all about Susan Boyle. I will bet a thousand dollars that one of your listeners will do that.

I promise you that you will receive, and I expect you to share it with me. Let's put in some requests. Okay. What do we want the voice to be like? Susan Boyle? Oh, good question. Or is it Billy Joel?

Oh, it's a do it. Together again for the first time. Okay, so it's a 2024 version of We Didn't Start the Fire with current events proceeding to 2024. Do that between Susan Boyle and Billy Joel. Correct. And the lyrics is all about what's happened, only about what's happened with Susan Boyle.

Get on it listeners. I cannot wait. Get on it quick. I cannot wait. And don't worry if you're like, oh, I shouldn't do it. Someone's probably already got it. We will take all versions. All versions. Oh, good point. All versions. Yeah, don't worry if you're like, oh, I shouldn't do it. Someone's probably already got it. We will take all versions. Oh, good point. All versions.

Yeah, don't. Maybe we'll crown a winner. Do not stop yourself. I forgot her name. Oh, well. I'm not gonna make that riff. All right, hey, the other thing that happened on April 1st, 1961 was that Jim and Tammy Faye Baker

got married. Oh, that's beautiful. What a love story. Beautiful day, it was a wonderful day. Fun facts about the cast and people involved in this episode. Hello, this is Will Lou from the Hello and Welcome podcast and Google Pixel just sent me their latest phone in the Google Pixel 9. So I've been using pixels for a long time now dating back to the Pixel 2, but Google Pixel took it to a whole new level with Gemini.

This is your personal AI assistant that's always ready to solve problems. So for example, my parents insist on texting me in Chinese, even though I prefer English, but that's okay though, because I just asked Gemini. Hey Gemini, can you help me translate the latest text I got from my dad? Here's the translation of the text message from your dad. We're all home now. Don't worry. Translation. We have all arrived home. Don't worry. dad. That's great, thanks Gemini. Gemini, your personal AI system on Google Pixel 9 just makes things easier.

Learn more about Google Pixel 9 at store.google.com. This episode was directed by Quentin Tarantino's favorite director, William Whitney. This is his second of 27 bonanzas. I have tried to get Quentin Tarantino as a guest on this show. Did you just say Carol-wet-Tarantino? Quentin Tarantino. Quentin Tarantino. All I know is I wrote to the agent of Quentin Tarantino and I said, I think he'd like to be on our show.

Corentin Parentino, the crooner from 1960s. My mom loved all of his music. I grew up on that music. That's real mom music. I grew up on that music. He dedicated Kill Bill to William Whitney, and William Whitney is a hell of an action director. Man, I think you can see it in this episode.

I think you can see it all around. This one is elevated compared to some of the others, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, it is. What was the first episode that he directed, if you don't mind my asking? I don't quite remember off the top of my head. You don't remember.

It was one of the first 59 episodes of the series. Thank you, that's very helpful. All right, it was one of them. This one was written by a fellow by the name of Denny Bart Pettyclerk. And this is his first of 32 bananas that he's involved in. Here's a fun story. Oh, he wrote the pilot for High Chaparral, whatever that is. But here's a fun story from his childhood. He's five years old when his father took him to see the angel atop the Bon Marché department store Christmas tree in Seattle. His father told him to watch the angel and that he would be right back,

but he never returned. Oh no. What? Isn't that wild? What a good idea. People get so elaborate about how they're going to split on their families, but that's a real good one. Just watch the angel. Is there a mother? Yes, there was a mother, but she put the children in an orphanage because she couldn't raise them by herself.

Well, that's what you did back then. She can't be faulted for that. Certainly not. Everyone knows if someone in your family disappears on you, you put all the kids in an orphanage. It's tradition. And you can't fault the father because he just couldn't be bothered. We don't know that that's what happened. We don't know. He could have gotten raptured.

Many folks believe that some of the first raptures that have taken place and that there have been multiple, occurred one person at a time. In Seattle. And mostly fathers? Principally fathers. Young children going to get cigarettes. Cigarette smokers, you heard it too.

I'm sure that's so. One at a time raptures, huh? Because they're saying, now there's the best person ever, a guy who would never leave their children. That's a sad story. That's how you know it's a rapture. Let's not take the children. The sweet innocent children.

Oh, heavens no. Heavens no. They're little hellions. That's probably why their dad got raptured. He couldn't take it anymore, you know what I mean? Anyway, I had my daddy until he died of sadness. But I did have a friend, and this might be pertinent to you

for no reason I will get into, whose daddy said, here we are at Disneyland. I want you to wait and watch for that curtain to open up. You will see the Evil Queen from Snow White. Wait for it, wait for it. Find that Evil Queen. I'll be right back. He never came back.

Was that for real. Is this a true story? What do you define true? I can't believe it. Like true for me, Janaloo? Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. 100% true. Oh my gosh. Provably true. Look it up. It's a good story. But not right now. Look it up later. Right. I'll look it up later. We're busy right now. I hope we don't forget.

Also, Danny Petticlerk wrote a fan letter to Ernest Hemingway and Hemingway wrote back and they became friends till the end of Hemingway's life and Hemingway died three months after this episode aired. Eerily. And Hemingway is now residing in a beautiful craftsman up here in Pasadena. Oh really? Oh yes. You're telling me the ghost of Hemingway has been-

He was a big get. He was a big get. He was a big get. Really? Yeah. Wow. That's a fun, now that's a fun house. I just noticed bottles of rum appearing in this house. That's exactly what happens.

It's a fun, fun house. Loaded shotgun. Yeah, you'd have to be quick on the draw to shoot the ghost of Viridus Hemingway. But that's a great lesson to everyone that it's almost guaranteed if you write a fan letter to someone that you like and appreciate, that you will begin a friendship that lasts for the rest of one of your lives.

And they'll haunt you when they're gone. And if God willing, they will haunt you when you're gone. Oh, that reminds me of what I was going to ask you before about ghosts. Now, I like jalapeno poppers. Oh, they have those at the Santa Renta for sure. And I will drink draft beer. Okay, that's good to know. Let's move on. All right. Martin Landau was a guest star in this episode. They have those at the Santa Renta for sure. And I will drink draft beer. Okay, that's good to know.

Let's move on. All right. Martin Landau was a guest star in this episode. He is wonderful. Now I did not realize that he was Hispanic. Oh well. Is that the word I should be using? A lot of people didn't know that.

Of course I'm from Tucson, so one could argue I should know better. He is 90% Hispanic, 10% Dutch, and it's just his eyes. His beautiful blue Dutch eyes. Those eyes really stand out amidst all that. And they're also burning with a blue fire, the little Dutch ovens.

Yeah, yeah. Beautiful blues. My goodness, they show up against that brown makeup. That beautiful black eyeliner. Yeah. He's good. Man, he's good. Well, I'll tell you, you know,

he went on to play a master of disguise, Rollin' Hand in Mission Impossible. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. He's a good guy.

He's a good guy. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. He's a good guy.

He's a good guy. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. mustache real hair. But it's interesting that they just said, let's cast this actor who is demonstrably not Mexican. Well, that's what they did back then. Oh yeah. Usually they, with makeup, I mean this guy, you can't change an eye color. And these are not just blue eyes. These are cerulean- They're striking.

Crystalline pools. Yeah. And they focus on them. You could tell. Someone had a conversation. They are crystalline pools. And they focus on them. Of Anglo-Saxons. You could tell, someone had a conversation. They are crystalline pools of Anglo-Saxons. They're not running from it. They had a conversation about that. I guarantee you they had a conversation where they were all staring at a beautiful blow-up picture of beautiful Martin Landau's eyes,

and they said, now here's the rub. We are lucky enough that we landed him, landed Landau. Yeah. Right. Is there going to be a problem with his beautiful blues? And they considered giving him contacts, I'm sure. And then they said, but then we wouldn't have, when we go close up on those soulful eyes, nobody's gonna get pierced.

Do you know what I mean? I think they might've put contacts in there to make the eyes all the bluer. They might've, and they put mascara on him, which only accentuates the beauty of his eyes. What a beautiful, beautiful man. You can't help but get lost in those eyes of Martin Landau's eyes. He was also on Space 1999, and he was Bela Lugosi and Ed Wood.

Boy, he won the Oscar for that. They gave him the Oscar for that one. Yes, indeed. He was also in a movie called Real Bullets, where the Universal Studios stunt team, as depicted in the movie, goes out camping and runs along a real gang and they get in a fight with a drug smuggling gang and his daughter is featured in this film and brings him in for a couple of short scenes

of the gang. Juliet Landau? My friend, Janet Varney just had her on her podcast at JV Club. Juliet Landau. Are you kidding me? Holy shit. Yeah.

I need to talk to her about a stuntman named Bob Rochelle. We can have a whole conversation about all of these real and fictitious people. She gets a real shout out in his Oscar speech, by the way. And I think she might have been in Ed Wood too for a little bit. But she, no, I was going to say- Real bullets. I can guess. I almost could have guessed what the movie was just based on the title.

I couldn't have. I couldn't have. That's a stretch. What year was Real Bullets? Probably like 83, 84. So this has been about the, no offense, but the nadir of his career. Yeah. When he also did... This is also known as the Connery era of nadir.

Oh, right. He was in something called the Harlem Globetrotters on Gilligan's Island in 1984. Something called? What do you mean? I've seen that. Yeah. Beautiful piece of work. Beautiful piece. One of the best meetups, one of the best celebrity meetup crossovers ever. But just a quick side note. So you're saying that real bullets came out around the same time that the three Amigos did, which is a story about three Hollywood Western actors who then have to deal and contend with real banditos, et cetera? You're not the first to bring that up.

I'm not. Yeah. It's a Tombstone, White Herb scenario. That's right. It's a Prince of Thebes. That happens all the time, y'all. Robin Hood. The other Robin Hood movie.

It's a 1492 Columbus scenario. It's a true and Truman Capote or whatever that one was called that wasn't called Truman Capote. Right. Volcano and Dante's Peak, Prefontaine and the other movie about that guy. The woman that killed the woman with the axe. Lizzie Boyd? Lizzie Boyd?

I can see if I'm going to come here to talk about movies with the two of y'all, especially you. I better be packing real bullets, so to speak. You got that right. Fake real bullets, of course. Hey, speaking of which. Conversational bullets, of course. Speaking of which, Ed Wood was 1994.

Can you guess anybody he beat out for the Oscar in 1994? Is that going to be a fun game? Martin Landau? Yeah. Martin Landau in 1994. Best supporting actor. In 1994, he beat out Tommy Lee Jones. Robin Williams for Good Will Hunting. He won that, didn't he? Well, maybe that was the year they were too. Did two people win that fact-check? That would have been best acting. This is best supporting. Best supporting actor. I take back the times of Lee Jones.

It just seemed like a good guess. 94. What are the movies? 94. Do people talk much about 94s? I thought you'd do better at this. I really did. I wish Craig Kekowsky were here. I really do. Well, tell us. All right. He beat out Samuel L. Jackson from Pulp Fiction. Mmm! Carin Tintin Tarrin Panettino's movie!

Yep, I did that one. Panettino. Gary Sinise for Forrest Gump. Uh-oh, big upset. Big upset. Chaz Palmatieri for Bullets Over Broadway. Less surprising that he beat Chaz. And the forgettable Paul Schofield from Quiz Show. Paul Schofield might not be forgettable, but I don't remember him in Quiz Show.

He played his dad. I didn't either. Oh, okay. I remember. Also in this episode is a fellow by the name of Jim Davis. He plays the bad guy Sam Wolfe. The creator of Garfield?

Yes. He would go on to create Garfield. I love the way he dots his eyes. I'll tell you, it's so much fun. He and Walt Disney. Yeah, have you seen that Garfield. I love the way he dots his eyes. I'll tell you, it's so much fun. He and Walt Disney. Yeah. Have you seen that Garfield movie that's out now? Nope.

10 out of 10. 10 out of 10 what? I got a weakness for Garfield. Okay. So funny, man. The way he hates Mondays. Oh my goodness. I love Garfield as much as he hates Mondays.

I hate Garfield as much as he loves lasagna. No offense, Garfield. He don't mind. Yeah, what would he hate? He's confident. I hate Garfield as much as he loves lasagna. No offense, Garfield. He don't mind. Oh, dear. He's confident. Jim Davis also played a US Senator in the Parallax View. Oh, that's, I feel like I recognize him.

Well, how did he have time to come up with that wonderful cartoon if he was so busy being a civil effort? It's hard to imagine. That's a good question. He is also the third Bonanza guest star who went on to be in a film called Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter, in which Jesse James meets Frankenstein's granddaughter and

never his daughter. That's right. That's a strange film. Because otherwise the title would be too long. That's what was going on there. He was also in a movie called Satan's Triangle. Try to imagine Satan playing the triangle. I can't.

It's hard to imagine anyone playing the triangle because it hardly makes appearances in any music. It's an inherently joyful and sweet and innocent instrument. The invisible instrument. I could see him playing it kind of ironically, like, hello, ting, ting, ting, ting. With a little wink. He's a trickster.

He's a trickster. Yeah, but people ring it for Chow's on. Oh, that's right. It's like your death's here. Oh my goodness. Yeah, come and get it for Chow's on it. Oh, that's right. It's like your death's here. Oh my goodness. Yeah, come and get it, hot lava. Okay. Something like that.

Yeah, all right, that makes sense. You know, I love that they call the cooks at Ranch's Cookie. I just wanted to quickly throw that in. Always do, Cookie. Everybody goes by Cookie. Yeah, I love that. Go ahead. Finally.

Although not at Bananzi, it goes by Hop Sing. I don't appreciate that. Jim Davis was the spokesperson for the Winn-Dixie Beef People ads. I watched one of these. I've never met someone made out of beef. Well that's what it says. How do they behave?

I'm telling you, it's a strange commercial. I had to listen to it a bunch of times to understand the lyrics of the jingle which goes, Winn-Dixie made all of their men beef men. They've earned the name beef people. No. No. Winn-Dixie made all of their men beef men, they've earned the name beef people. No. No. Winn-Dixie made all of their men beef men. Now, have you all seen Jesse James Meets the Beef People? I've never seen that one.

That was another very fun movie. I've never seen that one. It was very fun. Could you read that again? Winn-Dixie made all of their men beef men, they've earned the name beef people. And that's in a jingle. That's inside a song. That is. It's inside a song. It That's inside a song. That is inside a song.

It's wrapped inside a song. Hidden. It seems somehow inclusionary and exclusionary on a gender basis. We're saying we're talking about men, but now we can talk about everyone's a beef person people. I'm the only ones that matter. We better get into talking about this episode. Well, beef is a masculine term,

and cow is a feminine term. That's true. I agree with that. So they've just kept it matched. The plural of beef is not beefs. It is beefs. Thank you. That's a very feminine term.

Which is why I didn't understand why they didn't, they call it Leave It To Beefer. There was only one of them. What were they thinking? Leave It To Beefer. Leave It To Beefer. Leave It To Beef People. Leave It To Beef People. I would've watched that show. Leave It To Beefers. Leave it to Beefers. Leave it to Beef People. I would have watched that show.

Leave it to Beef People. Leave it to Beefers. I'd watch that. I'm starting to think I might go out on a date with you too. This is very fun. Oh, the both of us or me as well? Oh, but at the same time. Oh boy. Okay. All right. That's fine. We'll do that. I'll, yeah, we can take turns on the book in Bronco, so to speak. All right. This episode begins. You ready to start talking about this episode?

Sure. All right. So let's pause for a quick break from Winn-Dixie, Beef People. Winn-Dixie made all of them and beef men. They earned the name Beef People we fall with their shame. All right, we're back. This episode begins with Hoss' belly in the window.

Now we'll find out where we are as the town of Tyson Wells. If you're wondering how Tyson Wells is doing today in 2024, well, I'll let you know that it happens to be the site of Joanne's Gum Museum, which is open to the public and features a large collection of gum wrappers from around the world. That's true. Well, you look so excited. I am so close to putting this microphone down right now and getting in my car and not stop talking about Gum Museum.

Wait, it's only gum wrappers? What about gum? She doesn't know. That's a different museum. Ain't you ever open a pack of trading cars from the 80s like James Bond viewed a kill trading cars unwrap the gum and it tastes like here's a piece of drywall. Yeah, that's true. And what's wrong with that? But I will say if you show up to Joanne's Gum Museum and there's no gum but only wrappers, you could be a bit peeped off. She might as well call it Joanne's Gum Wrapper Museum.

I know, is it the Joanne from Joanne's Fabrics? Of course it is. I love her fabrics. And they do keep. Except it's not Joanne's Fabrics, it's just Joanne Fabrics. Oh that's right, her name is Joanne Fabrics. Just like Ralph's doesn't have- That is my mistake. An apostrophe. That's right. No, nor does Vaughn's. That's right. Shouldn't it be Ralph's? I am not- No hyperbole, you two are the smartest men I've ever met. And I've met some beef men.

Beef people, please. Well, we're in the town of Towson, Tysen Wells. The guys are here to buy horses to bring back to the Ponderosa. They have gone a long way to buy these horses. Little Joe has snuck off and Paul doesn't know where little Joe is, and he's very concerned and as far as he knows, neither do Adam nor Hoss know where little Joe has gone to. It's a bit of a mystery.

And now a fellow rides into town who's got an arrow in his back. He's been shot by a patches. I thought that was little Joe at first. I did too. I was so scared. And I thought that there would be a patches in this. Well, they couldn't find any people

with lighter eyes than Martin. And that is for the best. And it is for the best. Again, their absence and women's absence in this episode is a bit of a gift. I suppose. In and of itself. You're right. I didn't think about that. And we never did see those apaches. But it turns out that between Tyson, Wills and Yuma, it's nothing but apaches, just shoulder to shoulder the whole way through. And there ain't a white man alive anywhere between those two points. Well, that's a problem because it little Joe, how awesome that a Hoss and Adam seem to know has gone. Are you writing a song? I'm thinking about it. Little Joe, Hoss and Adam seem to know, has to humor decided to go. Oh, beautiful. You are the poet. Isn't that beautiful to write good lyrics.

All you have to do is just scramble up the order of normal sentences. Go to that shit. That's all it takes. People act like it's hard. Okay, so that's the situation now. Now, Hoss and Adam decide to confess to Paul where little Joe is and the nature of their concern. And what little Joe is going to do is quite beautiful.

He's going to buy for Paul the best horse in anywhere that they could find. They looked all the way out to Kentucky. That's a long way away. They spent a year. They spent a whole year looking for the best horse. Think of all the other useful things they could have been doing in that year.

But no, that's so sweet that they were just looking for that horse. That was the year they spent looking for a horse for Paul. But no, that's so sweet that they were just looking for that horse. That was the year they spent looking for a horse for Paul. So a year has passed since the last episode of Bonanza? Uh oh. Uh oh. Don't do that. No, don't do that. No, I don't think that's the case. But probably a year has passed since Paul's last birthday, I reckon. And it was... whatever they got him for that birthday was so shitty that that very day they said, he probably made them whipped cream. You know what I mean? Whatever they got.

We got to get started now on next year's gift guys, cause this was a complete failure. And then it's the most touching scene I think we've ever seen. And it's so early in the episode for all this emotion. I know the film, the boy says, why are we going to all this effort to get your horse? Because there's something we couldn't say to you, Paul The boy says, why are we going to all this effort to get you a horse? Because there's something we couldn't say to you, Paul. He says, what couldn't you say? And Hoss, the simplicity of a child, Hoss says that we love you.

And it was so easy to say. It trips off the lips. It tumbles out without any problem whatsoever. There's no pause. There's no struggle. No masculine. It just comes right out. That's true. It could have saved themselves a year of work on this horse project. I'm just saying. But I think Ben Cartwright would have been disappointed

with happy birthday, dad. Our gift is we're telling you we love you. Where's my horse? Yeah, that's true. Well, you haven't spent much time in the West then because it is a big effing deal when someone tells you that they love you because we don't show feelings. What I will say, Paul did seem uncomfortable with it.

His only response was old fools make poor fathers. That's what he said. I seem to remember him calling his son a stubborn mule headed stump brain stump brain. And I thought that was quite clever. I need to start calling people stump brain. Got the brain of a stump. I wouldn't call people beef people. Make sure you know what. I like it. Got the brain of a stump. I'm going to call people beef people. Make sure you know what you're talking about. You stump brain a beef person. Don't just throw that around. How to identify beef people.

So now we see Lil Joe, he is riding with Emiliano, that's old Martin Landau, and they have the most beautiful pure white horse you've ever seen in your life. And pure white actor. And pure white horse you've ever seen in your life. And pure white actor. And pure white actor. And, but now they are, they see a burned out campment and the whatever and they know the Apaches and we can't get through them or around them and they got a real dilemma. And they burned the well.

Now I didn't know that was something you could do. They burned all the water right out of the well. They'd ride up to a well and because it's burnt, there can't be any water in it. That's how they worked. Yeah, sure, the Peches can do that. I like my water just seared. You know what I mean?

I know what you mean. Well, it has to be very good water. That's right. Otherwise you could get sick. Yeah, you know what. Oh, mm-hmm. Sam Wolfe is the king in this area. He's the head of the Comancheros, AKA Banditos.

And this was a little bit confusing for me because I remember he said something about a kangaroo mouse having a chance with the rattlesnake, but then the rattlesnake was named Wolf. I said, that's too many animals for one metaphor. That's four animals. At least. Oh no, you're right. That's four. That was a way of expressing- It is just four. Was that some way of expressing their chances of getting around the Apaches? Mm-hmm. They said, does a kangaroo mouse have a chance against a rattlesnake?

Oh, I see. A kangaroo mouse against rattlesnake. Well, that's three. Is he the size of a kangaroo? And a wolf. A kangaroo mouse? Yeah. That's a really good question. Everything's bigger in Australia. Because rattlesnake has the word rattle. Rattle. Oh my God. You're absolutely right. God damn.

And Kanga and Roo are two separate animals. That's true. I'm witty to poo. Yes, that's right. Oh my gosh. That's right. My mom and I, my friend Matt's mom and I. All right. We'll cover that in the bonus episode. No, we won't. My friend Matt's mom and I, well, nevermind. All right. We'll cover that in the bonus episode. Don't we worry about that. Turns out...

It's really saying something when you want to rush us through. I know what you mean. Sometimes I do. I take it as a compliment. Well, it's already lip-good hymns. All right. We got the three cartwrights from Tyson Wells are going to ride out toward Yuma to find little Joe and rescue him from the trouble

He must be in with them Apaches and they ride hard out of there. Okay, and now what we got here the LJ and Emiliano Decide to go see Sam Wolfe because he they can't go through the Apaches They're gonna have to take an equally treacherous perhaps route to go see Sam Wolfe We're on all his Comancheros now. Emiliano used to be one of them. He used to be under the command of Sam Wolfe as a bandito Comanchero. And remind me, he has a scar on his neck.

Who was it that hanged him? Was it someone else? And I don't know why he was hanged. He didn't quite say, but he made it sound like if you live the life of a bandito, you will end up on the wrong end of a rope and he's got a rope scar to prove it. Okay, okay. Because I just didn't know, was he going back on the wrong end of a rope and he's got a rope scar to prove it kind of thing. Okay. Okay. Because I just didn't know, was he going back to the place that already gave him that scar?

But I think maybe they rescued him from when he was going to get that scar. I think that's right. I'll bet you that's correct. Okay. Okay. Yeah, yeah. That's a close call, they call it. But so they go up there, little Joe and Emiliano do, and sure enough, they see old Sam Wolfe

and he's happy to see Emiliano because Emiliano was a good bandito. And now he but- That's another song. Emiliano was a good bandito. Emiliano was a good bandito. Oh, I like that. Yeah. God damn. Get up there with Pancho and Lefty. Yeah. But they take them prisoners with the dude. They lock them up, old little Joe and Emiliano, but they didn't check Emiliano's, I don't know. I don't see where he pulled that knife out of. I was very, it was unclear to me too where they lock, they weren't locked up in the thing because after they do the thing to the person, spoiler alert, then they're just out. It's a very easy door to open from the inside.

As long as nobody is watching you do it. So, and in fact, the way they end up escaping was throwing a knife into the back of the guy who's watching the door, but he wasn't even watching the door. That's right. He was walking away. He was doing the opposite. He was off to who knows where. It was totally unnecessary to throw a knife at that man.

That's correct. They could have just opened the door and then snuck up on him or something. Yes. But well, but it's impressive to throw a knife like that and kill a man. It's very impressive. I don't think that's as likely in real life as you see in TV and movies. or something. But it's impressive to throw a knife like that and kill a man. It's very impressive. I don't think that's as likely in real life as you see in TV and movies. To throw a knife from like 20 feet away and kill a man instantly?

To have it land knife blade first, but also with the power to penetrate a sternum and hit a vital organ, I think is kind of- From the back too. If anything, you would think that he would live, but you would have done something to his spine that maybe was irreparable. But didn't you hear him say that Emiliano was a real good bandito? You're right. That does make sense. I realize that now. So a real good bandito can do that anytime he wants. Total command. Yes. Well, now I don't know when is the time to introduce Emiliano's complex emotional thoughts. The man loves this horse more than anybody's ever loved anything. He is complicated.

He is a complicated man. He has this white horse that seems like maybe it belongs or belong to Colonel Green. They say that a few times. I don't know who Colonel Green is. Meaningless to me. Yeah, but Emiliano is in position of the horse and man, he loves this horse. And he knows that the horse is being transported to give as a gift to Ben Cartwright, who he accepts is a good and virtuous man

and will be a good caretaker of his beloved horse. And he cares so much about what happens to this horse because Sam Wolfe wants the horse. He cares so much about what happens to this horse because Sam Wolf wants the horse, the bad guy does. Emiliano is willing to put his life on the line to ensure that the horse goes to Ben Cartwright, who he's never met, but believes is a good man. Well, he's spent a lot of time with his son. He was a very good man. Very good man. He's willing to die to prevent this horse from going to Sam Wolf, he spent a lot of time with his son. That's right. He was a very good man. Very good man. And he's willing to die to prevent this horse from going to Sam Wolf, who's a bad man. Which, by the way, shout out to Sam Wolf's little weasley brother.

And I know I'm throwing another animal in there, and we can barely afford the ones we have. Uh-huh. But he is worse. That's true. You know, there's always got to be like the bad guy and then his brother who's more of a sadist somehow, or like a different kind of sadist.

Anyway, the little brother wants that horse too real bad and we find out what happens to him. That's true. Cash Wolf is his little brother and he's wild-eyed and he wants that horse too. And so it falls upon Cash to try to break the beautiful white horse. But the beautiful white horse, it doesn't wanna be broken.

There's a chaotic scene in a corral with all these other horses running around them in circles. And this is now, they've escaped little Joe and Emiliano from the little prison-ish thing. And they decided to split up for- The prisonette. The prisonette. The prison cabin, the prisonette, yes. They're going to split up. Little Joe is going to save the white horse, who I don't believe ever got a name. Maybe I'm wrong.

Amigo is really kind of the thing that he gets called the most. Okay. Yeah. And then Emiliano is going to go steal another horse and the two of them is going to escape on these two horses. And now what happens is little Joe attacks Cash and there's a good old fight in the corral, but who is it that comes through in the end and kills Cash? The horse does.

The horse says, fuck you, and stomps on him, kills him to death. Trampels. Hoo-wee, that's a smart horse. By the way, I think Cash Wolf would be a great name for a Robin Hood reboot. Just Cash. She's something to think about,

Cash Wolf instead of Robin Hood. It sort of means the same thing. Cash Wolf, a modern Robin Hood. All right, well now, old Sam Wolf is mad, his brother's been killed, he says, let's go find him, every man rides. All the common cheros are gonna ride after Joe, and what they really want is that horse,

everybody's so intoxicated by this horse. And he says, that's the most powerful horse I've ever seen. And that's when Sam Wolf says, and I wonder if you guys understand this any better than I do, he says, that horse is so powerful, I'm going to need three horses to chase him down. So he's riding one horse and- It makes actually all the sense. Trailing two horses behind him.

Because it takes more energy to ride with someone on you. It takes more energy. So you're going to need to ride one till you wear it out. The two that have been running behind have just a pinch more energy because they did not have a man on their back. You can take that horse, leave that useless one behind, take the next horse, keep that other backup horse with you, ride that out, and then finally that last horse. And that's what he does. But I think, to me it seemed like too much effort.

But what happened was at some point the number one horse falls over and Sam Wolfe literally walks over that horse. He stepped on that horse to get to his second horse, at which point the first horse pops up and looks fine. It's kind of like, I could keep going. But he leaves him behind and takes off with the other two horses. It's very strange. Now, but a lot of horses got to work in this episode and that is not to be frowned upon. They, I know they did. I've never been more sure of anything in my life. I promise you. They shoot out the horses first. Don't they? They shoot out

the horses first. Yeah. All right. Sure. Comes down to a shoot out and there's a risky choice being made and the cart rides here, the shots and this is, you know, things get murky and complicated and it's all about canyon strategy as it so often comes to be on this show. There's a lot of exterior footage in this. Oh man. Beautiful.

It cuts back and forth between what I assume is a set, although it looks so good, it was hard to tell, between those moments and the outdoors moments. Were those the actual actors out there in the wild? I was going to say Chaparral, but I guess that's not really what it was. It's a desert. It's a desert. It's beautiful. It was the actors.

There's a point where they're riding across the plains and you see these beautiful rock formations. Oh, Will Whitney found some good places to shoot. It is lovely. Yep, that's true. You watch it just for that, folks. But okay, all this shooting happens. And then, I guess we'll cut straight to the chase, right? Well, now we've talked about the chase. Oh, that's true. Okay. After the chase.

That's right. Emiliano, it almost is like an April Fools prank. People might have received it that way on April 1st, 1961, that Emiliano suddenly pulls a gun on Little Joe. He does. And we think, good Lord, it's the double cross. What could this be? I thought this was like a proto, like, subpoena from Raiders of the Lost Ark when Alfred Molyneux turns and says,

You give me the whip, I give you the idol. Yeah, that's what it's like. Please don't say whip. Okay, sorry. That's exactly what it's like. Please don't say whip. Okay, I'm sorry. That's exactly what it's like. It is. He pulls a gun on Little Joe.

Or is it? And it seems like he's going to take the white horse and give it to Sam Wolfe and rejoin the Banditos at this point, which would be a pretty good strategic choice for Emiliano at this point. But no, he's pulling the gun on Little Joe to say, Little Joe, I hereby compel you to get on this white horse and right out of Here as fast as you can and forget all about me Because I I know you want to take care of me, but I'm gonna shoot you if you try

Oh, it's wonderful. And that is a real moment of suspense I mean when you think he's double crossed him it takes all of one second before he reveals that what he really wants He's single crossed him He's single crossed him Wrap your mind around that before he reveals that what he really wants. He single-crossed him. He single-crossed him. That's right. Wrap your mind around that. And the position it puts little Joe in, that he'd like to do the right thing, whatever that is, but he is forced to do the cowardly thing of riding this beautiful white horse out of there and leaving Emiliano to possible death. Well, and death is what comes to Emiliano. What else could for such a virtuous

and wonderful character? He's going to have to die. What else could for such a virtuous and wonderful actor? You think you can accept that offer for a guest role without getting to die? Oh, and boy, does he make the most of that death. That is one of the most striking screen deaths I think I've ever seen. Is it the eyes? It's the eyes, isn't it? It doesn't hurt. It doesn't hurt.

The eyes have it. The eyes go doesn't hurt. The eyes have it. The eyes go wide. Wonderful. The eyes have that moment. I truly believe they are seeing the great light beyond. I believe it. But it happens to die in the arms of Ben Cartwright because they've caught up and embroiled themselves in this situation.

He dies and then we see that Sam Wolfe has caught up to Joe Cartwright. And then Sam Wolfe, what do you think? I think he was probably trying to shoot Joe, but ended up shooting the white horse instead. Or was he more like, well, if I can't have it, nobody can and shot the white horse on purpose. I mean, the horse is a bigger, brighter target. It is a giant white horse. True.

That might just be in your field of vision better. But the thing he's driven by is a desire for the white horse. True. That might just be in your field of vision. Yeah. But the thing he's driven by is a desire for the white horse. Then maybe it's a mistake. You are so amenable I can't wait for our date. Yeah. Oh hey that reminds me of what I was going to say about ghosts before. So in that moment. Here's what I'd like to eat. Oh good, good. I'd get fried mozzarella sticks. Oh those are so fun. And jalapeno poppers at the same time. I can't believe there's cheese inside. You're taking both of us out. That's right.

Oh I'm picking up the bill for both of you guys. Well you're a gentleman. I guess I am. And we appreciate that. God damn. All three of us on top of Megan the stallion the horse. Yeah we could do that. She's a powerful horse.

I might have to bring two other horses just in case, but hey we'll all three of us switch to them if the first one gets tired. Sam's horse falls over blah, blah, blah. I don't even know where I am anymore. All right. Oh, okay. It basically comes down to Sam. Poor little Joe has to continue on foot because his horse has been killed. He has to make- You're going to gloss over the most important moment and I'm talking about the death of the horse, not the death of the person. He's got little Joe is shooting it out with Sam Wolfe.

The geography of- I thought you were going to say shooting it out with the horse, which isn't exactly fair. Yeah, you have glossed over the horse dying. No, it's coming. It's coming. What? Oh, he's still, oh the horse is fine. No, no, the horse is lying down like it ain't going to turn out good for me, Joe.

And then Joe's got his gun, but he's only got one bullet left and he could fire it at Sam Wolfe, I guess, even though I'm not quite clear on where Sam Wolfe is in relation to Joe at this point. It doesn't matter. But he's got one bullet left. He could fire it at Sam Wolfe. He could use it on himself. Why would he? Or he should have shot Sam Wolfe's horse. That never crosses his mind. I promise you. He could have shot Sam Wolfe's horse. That's right.

But instead, he knows what he must do. He must put the beautiful white horse out of his. I don't show it. I think he just shoots the horse in the kneecap. Oh, God damn, you might be right. Oh God, y'all, hold on, because I told you my dad died of sadness, and I'm starting to feel when I think about that horse,

and I realize I. No, no, no, don't die! It's better for you to go on without me. Don't die of sadness, Jane of Lune. I just feel so painful. Wait, this could be our first on my death. Oh my goodness. Did she?

You guys, I'm okay. Holy mackerel. I'm okay. Hey, that was an April Fool's day. I'm okay. But my dad did die of sadness. But I'm okay. It's just my April Fool's Day. 63 years in the making. But I'm okay.

It's just my way of poking fun at the dead. Wow, you ever think about being an actress? I thought about it every day for my entire life. Have never acted on it though. Okay, don't act on acting. Yeah. Acting on acting. Long story short, Ben Cartwright kills Sam Wolfe

and all four Cartwrights just together in the end filling their canteens from a spring. A beautiful, fresh, crystalline spring that is clearly not just a garden hose connected to a truck that they rolled out into the desert and wait until it got a little bit of mud running down. And that's what they fill up their canteens with. That's what they do. Did they bury the horse?

That's what they did. No, they didn't bury the horse, they just hightailed it on home. Buzzard me. Give it back to nature. Buzzard me. It's good, that's actually a good thing. Well, once again, a completely fucked up birthday present

from the Cartwright boys to their father. Absolutely nothing was accomplished in this effort to give their father a birthday present from the Cartwright boys to their father. Absolutely nothing was accomplished in this effort to give their father a birthday present except that the best human being that ever walked the earth was killed. That white horse. I mean, sorry, Emiliano. Emiliano. And the horse, yeah. He died.

A bunch of bad guys died. That ain't nothing. Yeah, yeah, that's good, I guess. Yeah, I guess. Uh-huh. But that's about, otherwise that's it. Mm-hmm, it's a beautiful gift. Yeah. What a gift. One of the better, otherwise that's it. Mm-hmm, it's a beautiful gift.

Yeah, one of the better episodes I have to say. It really was. It was action-packing, fast-paced. It was very exciting. I almost thought it might have been too exciting for NBC Saturday night, 1961. Some people might have wrote to their local television. They may have.

Affiliate and said. I hope no one got fired over this. I hope not. That was too exciting. Calm down next week, please. Oh my. I am very sad That was too exciting. Calm down next week, please. Oh my. I am very sad to tell you that with this,

we only have 371 episodes left to go of Bonanza. Well now, I have prepared a little something for you. Oh, you have. Because I know that you are a cowboy poet. Oh, yes I am. I didn't want to step on too many toes, so I wrote a very quick on the car, on the way here, in the car, I should say.

Well, you did. I don't ride it like a horse. Oh my. Although I wish I did. You can drive a car on the way here in the car I should say I don't ride it like a horse You can drive a car in right at home with the swing tank I wonder if you could! Could you attach reins to the steering wheel if you had like a pop top or like a you know even a sunroof or a moonroof as they're now called? I don't see why not, depends the guest So that's something someone should work on I'd love to also find out I'd love to see the prototype of that in addition to hearing the AI song that was discussed earlier from your listeners.

I wrote a quick haiku about this episode for you in honor of cowboy poetry. Okay. Sure. I listened to a haiku. A haiku is a five, seven, five rhythm. Yeah. Oh yeah. From Japan, right?

That's correct. Okay. All right. All right. Let's hear it. Here we go. The real gift is love. But what about big white one?

Does horse die dot com? Man, that's a great idea for a haiku. If you're down to three syllables for your last line, you can't finish it, puthonest.com. Great idea for a website name. That's what I think. Yeah. So there you go.

Were you unclear as to whether the horse dies? Cause the horse did die. Well, this is a special gift for people who were afraid to watch things in which the horse dies. Oh, so does horse die. So if you go to doeshorsedie.com, now I would have said doesthehorsedie.com, like doesthedogdie.com, that's a real website,, I would have said does the horse die.com like does the dog die.com

That's a real website, but I didn't have the syllables for that. So I had to get does horse die.com I appreciate you adhering to the format now. So yeah, what I guess black beauty would be on there doesn't black beauty die old yeller old yeller is a horse now is that right? Is there a website called does the dog die where you can if you're thinking of watching a movie, you can find out if the dog dies in it? That is correct. There is that website. And to be honest with you,

I believe that they have expanded out. So it's not just dogs. You can like, there's all kinds of things. Does people die? Doespeopledie.com. Doesbeefdie.com. Halloween's got a dead dog in it, a dog that dies. Oh, right.

Yeah. You think there's people out there who don't mind seeing any number of human beings killed, but they really can't see a dog that dies. Oh, right. Yeah. You think there's people out there who don't mind seeing any number of human beings killed, but they really can't see a dog die? I think you've named almost every human being in the history of humankind. I guess you're right. Would it be unethical to use that website

to find movies to watch that do have dogs dying in it? You know what I mean? That's not their intention, but they've made it possible. Well, that's the internet for you. No one intended anything bad to happen off the internet, but it's getting used for ill left and right. That's a fair point. Well, I might just do that because I do like to, I like it when a dog dies.

All right, folks, that's going to just about do it for this episode of bananas for bananas. Thank you so much. Janalu Hicks for joining us. This has been such a treat. I can't wait for our date. This is going to be so fun. It's going to be good. Is there anything you want to tell us about like your, Janalu Hicks, for joining us. Oh, this has been such a treat. I can't wait for our date. This is gonna be so fun. It's gonna be good.

Is there anything you wanna tell us about, like, that your friend old, I think you mentioned a friend who's got a podcast or anything like that. Sometimes we do that, we tell about a friend podcast. Well, I mean, I am a fan of that podcast, JV Club, and there's been wonderful guests on there. TV's Andy Daly's been on there.

Oh, I heard of that guy. A certain Matt Gourley's been on there. Many, many friends of this show have also appeared and talked about their awkward teenage years. Oh, the JV Club. All right, I'm gonna have to check that out. I ain't never heard of it. Well, thank you.

All right. It's wherever you get your... Does a dog die on it? Almost every episode. Okay, I'm gonna check it out. All right, folks, that's bananas for bonanza for today and here comes my sign off now Bananas for bonanza is brought to you by Andy Daly with Matt theme song by Matt Gourland with The Journey.

Which in this case are Mark McConville, Daniel Michikoff, and Wade Riley. Bananas for Bananzas mixed and edited by Mark McConland. Executive produced by Andy Daly and Mad Gourland. We'll see you around. You