Bonanas for Bonanza - Bonanas For Bonanza Episode #62: “The Infernal Machine”

Episode Date: June 25, 2025

Subscribe to The Andy Daly Podcast Project at Patreon.com/AndyDaly Conanas For Conanza! Dalton and Mutt are joined by a very special guest, Bonanza superfan Conan O'Brien! Conan shares his memories of Bonanza and helps to break down Season 2, Episode 29, 'The Infernal Machine’, which involves, believe it or not, the invention of the automobile, and features one of the most exciting, and doughy, fight scenes ever committed to film!  Featuring Matt Gourley and Conan O'BrienMerch: redbubble.com/people/ADPodProject/shopMail: PO Box 9407 Glendale, CA 91226Email: [e-mail]’s website: andydaly.comRecord date: 7/9/2024 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Some things just take too long. A meeting that could have been an email, someone explaining crypto, or switching mobile providers. Except with Fizz. Switching to Fizz is quick and easy. Mobile plans start at $17 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. What's better than a well marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue? A well marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue that was carefully selected by an instacart shopper and delivered to your door. A well marbled ribeye you ordered without even leaving the kiddie pool. Whatever groceries your summer calls for, Instacart has you covered. Download the Instacart

app and enjoy zero dollar delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees, exclusions and terms apply. Instacart. Groceries that over-deliver. You sailed beyond the horizon, in search of an island, scrubbed from every map. You battled Krakens and navigated through storms. Your spade struck the lid of a long-lost treasure chest. While you cooked a lasagna. There's more to imagine when you listen. Discover best-selling adventure stories on Audible. You're about to listen to Bananas for Bananza, Episode 62, which was released to our Patreon subscribers on July 24th, 2024.

This is Andy Daly. Here on this free feed, we release an episode of Bananas for Bananza every other week. If you want to hear them earlier and ad free, please subscribe to patreon.com slash Andy Daly. You'll also find the entire archive there, as well as two bonus podcasts, access to the Discord, and more. Subscribe today and now enjoy this episode of Bananas for Bonanza. Get your great outdoors inside, take some ponderosa pride, and forever may it ride. I'm Bananas for Bananza. Watch your precious ears there, because I like to start one of these episodes with a hey!

Ha! Hot damn! Hello, friend! Hey. Come on in. The gate is open wide. Welcome to Bananas for Bonanza. Whoa, what a treat!

I know, we got a special guest today. This is Dalton Wilcox, the host of Bananas for Bonanza. And with me, as always, is Mutt Taylor over there on a whole separate microphone. Country music firebrand Mutt Taylor. That's true. And our special guest this time, here's what I know about this fella. He one time had me on his television program to promote my book, You Must Buy Your Wife at Least as Much Jewelry as You Buy Your Horse, and Other Poems and Observations, Humorous and Otherwise from a Life on the Range.

He is a Bananza fan, and that's about all I know. His name is Coven O'Brien. Did you say Co-men O'Brien? I heard Co-ven O'Brien. Yeah. I said, when I say Co-ven O'Brien. It's Conan. It's Conan. Oh, okay. Three, two, one. No, we're going to keep that in. Dalton. Well, yeah. I would say it's an honor to be here, but it's really not. What do you mean by that?

Do you know, this is the only podcast in the world about Bonanza. Did you know that? I didn't. So if you want to be on a podcast about Bonanza. Because you guessed it. I could have guessed that maybe there wouldn't be another one. It's truly the only one. You have to come crawling to us if you wanna talk about Bonanza on a podcast.

Okay, I'll tell you why I'm here, gentlemen, and I use that term with a wide brush. My brother Neil is a big fan, I would say in general, of late 50s, early 60s television, but I would say his all- time show might be Bonanza. Really? And so- He sounds like a great guy.

Yeah, what are we doing with this guy? He is, I have to say, so he is, and he got me watching the show, and I would watch it with him. And so everything I know about Bonanza, which is a lot, I know because my brother, Neil, probably knows more about Bonanza than anyone you a lot, I know because my brother Neil probably knows more about Bonanza than anyone you're gonna talk to. Okay. That's incredible.

So some of it is brushed off on you. Yes, yes. All right, good. Yeah, little flakes of his knowledge, like dandruff have landed on you. All right, well, we'll take it. I'll take your brother Neil's dandruff any damn day. More than happy to. Today we're talking about, and you watched the episode.

I did watch the episode, it was assigned to me. I watched the episode, it's from, I believe season two. That's correct. Now correct me if I'm wrong, Bonanza begins in 1959. That's correct. So this is the second season, this would probably be maybe 61. Yeah, that's right, well man,

you're hitting everything just right. And this episode is, wow, be maybe 61. Yeah, that's a cool man. You're hitting everything just right. And this episode is, wow, I got a lot to say about it. It does star one of my actors that I'm obsessed with, Mr. George Kennedy. George Kennedy is in this episode. People might know him from them Naked Gun movies. Yeah, you'd know him from the Naked Gun. Of course, he was in Cool gun movies. Yeah, you know from the naked gun, of course he was in, you know, Cool Hand Luke.

Oh yeah. But he was also in Chuck Norris' Delta Force. So let's pick the important ones where they go. He was also in the airport movies. I mean, really one of the great character actors. You gotta give it to him. So he's in this episode and it's a dilly of an episode. We're talking about season two, episode 29,

the Infernal Machine. And this episode has everything. It's got two women with speaking parts in it. And they have a scene together. I believe we've never seen that before on Bonanza. Did this pass the Bechdel test? For a minute it did. Maybe a little less than a minute.

It is, you know, that you bring that up. It is a show, which is mostly about men. Surely it is. Hanging around, hitting each other, and getting into scrapes. And then every now and then a woman shows up on the show and is usually killed pretty quickly. Absolutely.

Or run out of town. And by the sheer fact that there are two women in this episode, it means the next two episodes will not have women. No, none at all. Only allowed women. Sometimes not even in the background, that you don't even catch a male one. Or if there is a woman in the background,

they put a beard on to kind of throw people off the set. There's been a bearded woman on this show, as a matter of fact. She's beautiful. There's a scene, there's comical drunks, plenty, plenty. There's bread dough used as a weapon, and there is all this melting of iron you could ever want on television. There's a scene, there's comical drunks, plenty, there's bread dough used as a weapon, and there is all this melting of iron you could ever want on television.

I have to say, this episode has, I didn't know which way this episode was gonna turn. It takes so many strange twists. Hoss becomes infatuated, a couple comes to town, Virginia City, and they have a small, what looks like an exact replica of about a 1910 automobile, only small. Yeah, it's 1861 about. Yeah, and they seem to be about 40 years ahead of time, and they're saying they're going to build this thing, and it's an internal combustion engine

and it's gonna take a fuel. And then they hypothesize there will be roads that will carry it around almost like highways. It'll go up to 50 miles an hour. And everyone's laughing at them. Haas is the one who says this could be it. I think they are onto something. I think he's driving cinema, driving restaurants. Which, okay,L4C's drive-in, cinema drive-in, restaurants.

Which, okay, there's something in this that happens in this though that's crazy, which is at one point, someone's talking and he says, why? We're gonna build a factory here and we're gonna build more of these machines. We're gonna have a assembly line where we assemble, we put a chair on on one part,

then a steering wheel on one part then a You know steering wheel on the next and then tires on the next and it'll roll out and you're thinking. Oh, so Henry Ford as a tiny little boy went to Virginia City and ripped these people off. They're basically taking credit for Henry Ford's production line which changed the. It was invented right here before our eyes in Virginia City in 1861. As most things were. I suppose so. A critic might say that some of this information

is ahistorical, but I'd say fuck you to that critic. I'm sorry, Dalton, I didn't realize you partake of that kind of language. Oh, you don't know, yeah, I'll say fuck you all day. All right, this episode aired on April 22nd, 1961. Tell you some things about that date. Not much has changed since the last Saturday when the episode of Bonanza aired.

Except the tone of this program. Yeah, I say it changed drastically. Last week's episode began with four hooded men hanging a fella and shooting his wife in the back. This is a different tone. Directed by Robert Altman. That's right. Can I tell you that nothing stuns me more

than the whiplash change of tones from one bonanza to the next. I've always noticed this. There'll be a bonanza where a crazed sadistic killer will grab Lauren Green, Ben Cartwright, take him to a cave, strip him to the waist, whip him to within an inch of his life, and then try to eat him with a sharp knife when at the last second he's killed and it's just her and they bury him in a shallow grave. And then episode that comes the next week is Haas and little Joe bought a talking donkey.

Coo coo! And there's lots of, you did what you idiots? I'm telling you, Paul this donkey can talk. Coo coo coo! Yeah, today's episode is very much in that category. Very much, yes. There's wacky music and a disapproving Paul. There's a disapproving Paul.

There's, oh my God, Haas has done it again, he screwed up. But then there's also pathos and sadness. There's a love story. This episode's unusual because it takes 75 different turns in tone. Mostly goofy, but there's a lynch mob at one point. There's a guy with a heart element. I mean, this is, there's real tragedy.

But then there's an insane struggle. I think what you're trying to say is it has it all. Yeah. This episode has everything you could ever want. Well, since last Saturday's Bonanza episode aired, the Bay of Pigs invasion has been successfully concluded. 22nd, 1961. By successfully, you mean by Fidel Castro.

It was a big success for him. Yeah, he was feeling his oats at this point. Yeah, he had a good time. The number one movie in the country, America took a hard turn from the three hour and 46 minute long Exodus story of the founding of Israel to this week, The Absent-Minded Professors, the number one movie in the country. Oh, wow, that's like a bonanza tone shift. Can you imagine somebody, an American, going to see this movie like a matinee theater performance

of an absent-minded professor? Sorry, I'm allergic to extraneous information. Ah, go ahead. All right, I'm saying it's a matinee theater, and you see it's got a flubber in a car, a flying car running on flying rubber. And then you come home that night and you watch this episode of Bonanza, it'll be the happiest damn day of your life.

Wow. Yeah, if you liked Infernal Machine and Kooky's musical Sting, sure. And little engines that go, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop. Some things just take too long. A meeting that could have been an email, someone explaining crypto, or switching mobile providers. Except with Fizz. Switching to Fizz is quick and easy. Mobile plans start at $17 a month. Certain conditions apply.

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Service fees, exclusions, and terms apply. Instacart, groceries that over-deliver. Yeah, well this episode, I'm gonna tell you about some fun facts people involved in this episode. It was directed by William Whitney, who is, as I've said before, this is his third episode of Bonanza.

Quentin Tarantino calls him the best action director of all time. He dedicated Kill Bill to him. And you see a little bit of it in this scene. Do you? I have to say, I'm not seeing it. What do you mean?

There is a struggle. I don't know what your guy's method is, but if you only watch one scene from this episode, there's a struggle that breaks out in a cabin kitchen. Yeah. And it's one of the most awkwardly staged pieces of action I've ever seen in my whole life. We must have watched the whole different thing, my friend. I couldn't believe how exciting that was.

We must have been watching Gunsmoke. A bad guy, as bad guys do, is kneading dough when Haas comes in and puts a gun on him with his friend, who's called Big Red, a red-haired woman who works in a saloon, you can infer what you will. To foil Haas, the bad guy throws the dough at Haas' gun. They're going to hide out for a while, so they'd better bake some bread. Now, they all make so far that makes perfect sense. The bread dough covers the gun.

And Hop doesn't know what to do. No one's ever done this to him before, it's quite clear. No one's ever thrown floppy bread dough on his pistol before. It worked. Can he still fire it? He can. And he does. Instead of the bullet hurting anybody, it just comically sends dough flying all over the room.

Well, but really like flour. Somehow it explodes in a fine powder, flowery powder. Yeah, and it's just more fun and silly, like a champagne cork going off, then you know there's a bullet in there, probably a 38 caliber bullet coming out of a Colt. And it just makes this fun, I don't know, it's almost like a pinata going off.

A candy spread around the room. Compared to when the gun gets put in the stove and then starts going off. Oh, fire is an interesting. There's way more bullets than it had in the cylinder. Yes, thank you. Thank you, the gun gets tossed into a stove and proceeds, it's a six shooter, I believe.

How many shots are fired, do you think? Oh, seven to 12. I think 15. Yeah. I counted, it was 14. Okay. And then, lids from the stove start flying around like iron yarmulkes.

Uh-huh. And... There's a lot of dry ice too, cabeloing out of that. This is a big dry ice episode. The dry ice budget on this actually hurt the show very badly with the NBC network. I wouldn't be surprised at all. I worked for NBC and when you spend money on,

that's what finally broke it with me. Really? Spent a lot of money on dry ice and they just said, that's it, you're out of here. You're kidding. Cause I was saying, didn't you get the Rolling Stone songs and expensive cars in there and all that stuff? Oh yeah, yeah, but yeah, it was the dry ice.

It was the dry ice. Okay, that's strange. This episode is insanity. I can't tell. George Kennedy's character is simple minded to a degree that I think he needs medical intervention. Oh yeah. I think he's auditioning for Of Mice and Men basically.

There's nothing behind the eyes. But that fight scene goes on to now that you've got the dough and George Kennedy and Haas take turns pressing the dough into one another's eyes as they fight. And then there's a skirmish over a suitcase. There's so many different things happening in this fight. The music is very Keystone Cops. Yes, it becomes like a melodrama piano music.

And then George Kennedy gets thrown through a brick wall. Right. He smashes the brick wall because that's what a human skull can do, especially George Kennedy's. Yeah. And keep in mind, he has betrayed this woman, Big Red, jilted her, left her at the altar

and stole the town's money. But just because he went through a brick wall, she suddenly has great pity for him, rushes over and wants to marry him again. Yeah, exactly. And then she falls out the window. It's a great scene. William Whitney brought all of his powers to this scene.

And I could see why Quentin Tarantino can't get enough. This episode was written by Ward Hawkins. This is his third Bonanza 2. Did he do prison time after this? Was there a judgment of Nuremberg's settlement afterwards? Not at all. He won the Presidential Medal of Freedom for this. Matter of fact, he went on to work for Bonanza all the way to the end, to 1973, and then did the first season of Little House on the Prairie.

Couldn't get hired anywhere else. Well, that's one way to look at it, I suppose, but I think he was considered to be a hero. Daniel Pettibone was played by Eddie Ryder. This is his first of four bonanzas playing four different characters. He plays the inventor of the internal combustion engine, the infernal machine, if you will.

He also has a terrible heart ailment that makes him shy. They say he's shy because he has a heart ailment. The heart ailment isn't mentioned much until it plays a big part at the end of the episode. Does he have a stutter or is that just more subtle than I was picking up on? I couldn't tell if they were implying that. He's shy. Every once in a while he clams up. He can't talk anymore. He just gets too shy. He was in the Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad world.

In what part? He was an air traffic control staffer in that one. Oh, so he's in the background while Carl Reiner's doing the heavy load. That's probably right. He happens to be in Son of Flubber. He also directed a movie called Up Yours, a rockin' comedy. And he was also in Not With My Wife You Don't, which sounds like a great movie. I got to see it one day.

Well, he scaled the heights. Yep. His wife, Robin Pettibone, was played by June Kenny. She is, as of this episode, she's about nine months away from quitting show business. And I think you can see it. You know what? After watching it, I'm nine days away from quitting show business. That's also a common tale for most of the women in this series.

That's true. Often this is the last thing they did before they said, fuck it. She was at Usherette at Grauman's Chinese Theater when she was discovered and she was in a bunch of Roger Carman films. And she said later, she said, when all the movies on your resume have either Teenage or Monster in the title, your career ain't gonna last long Guess what you were in the room with someone who was directed. Oh By the great mr. Cormoran. Yeah, I was in sharknado

Oh, I got a little cameo where I play Conan O'Brien an egotistical asshole on the beach. Oh And a I'm sitting there yelling at my assistant, ordering her around, wearing, I think I'm wearing the typical asshole uniform, which I insisted on, which is blue blazer, cravat and yachting cap. Oh man. When some kids hit a volleyball that's kind of near me,

I lose my temper, say I'm Conan O'Brien, don't you know who I am, you should treat me with more respect, while tentacles come out of the water, oh, and the tentacles go up my ass, comes out my mouth. You insisted on that. Yeah, oh I did, and I asked for many takes.

Anyway, it was a thrill being directed by Roger Corman. Well, not for June Kenny, she blames him for destroying her career. She was in, let's say- She destroyed my career too. Oh, right, okay. I'm not bitching about it. Oh, all right.

Yeah. These things happen, you know? She was in Teenage Doll, Sorority Girl, and the Saga of the Viking Women and Their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent. I always wish that title was longer. I know. And she, yeah, she retired after this episode

and went on to do a, run a horse ranch in Nevada. Big Red, Dora Hayden. Boy, she could act, man. Ride chief. She's pretty broad. She's pretty broad. What? I mean, when I say broad, I mean broadly talented.

Yeah. Okay, thank you. Well, she didn't act for too much longer after this either. She didn't act in this either. Come on now. Yeah! There he goes. Yeah, I like this, Coven.

It's a good yeehaw, yeah, Coven, bring it. It's Conan. What is? Which whatever you say it is. Nora Hayden invented a beverage. What? She had quite a life. She invented a drink called the dynamite energy shake.

And she was also an author of books. And in one of her book bios, she says that she started a foundation to supply free dynamite energy shakes to old people's homes, mental health institutions, and prisons. She also wrote- Wait, who wants people in prisons to have extra energy? This sounds to me like genocide done by munchausens by proxy. Jesus, that's a- You kind of lost your accent on that one.

I hate to tell you. That'll happen sometime. Your accent kind of flew away during that. It might be more to me thinking that. Ain't nobody can keep their accent all the time. That's the truth. I don't know, Dalton. You seem to be doing a pretty good job. Well, oh, thank you.

She also wrote a book called How to Satisfy a Woman Every Time and Have Her Beg for More. What? Yeah, Nora Hayden wrote that. I read the— Just write that down. Yeah, I read the Amazon reviews of that book. Mostly positive. However, some people were surprised by the amount of Christian content and how much of

the book is given over to promoting dynamite energy shakes. Nonetheless— What is it called again? How to Satisfy a Woman Every Time and Have Her Beg for More. That's almost as long a title as yours. Almost. And nearly as sexy. George Kennedy has paid her long.

Did you know this about George Kennedy? By the age of seven, he was a New York City radio DJ. I didn't know that. How mad would you be if you turn on the radio and a seven year old boy is talking about this? I believe I know this about George Kennedy, but I could be wrong. All right.

I believe that he served under General Patton in World War II. Is that true? At the age he did. Whoa. He was at the Battle of the Bulge. Yeah. We were just talking about this with Charles Durning,

who was at D-Day as well. And I think he's buried in either Arlington or the cemetery there. He was buried there long before he died. Yeah, it was a mistake. They got him out though. But yeah, George Kennedy served under Patton. Unbelievable. And you know, he stayed in the military for 16 years and only left because he had a bad

back and then he started acting. How about that? Well, he left because he had a bad back and and then he started acting. How about that? Well, he left because he had a bad back, and then in this episode alone, he's getting tossed around like a rag doll by Haas. I'm curious. He took up an odd profession if you have a bad back. That's a good point.

I wouldn't be surprised if Patton gave him a call after he saw this episode. He said, get back in the goddamn military. Your back's just fine. Of course, Patton would have died in 1946, paralyzed after a Jeep accident. Maybe George C. Scott called him Well, yeah, George C. Scott would have called him that happened to Patten for real. Yeah. Yeah. What do you how do you know that?

Well, I just know things but he was in the European theater He was one of the administrators leader Europe has theaters aplenty my friend. Okay, you're an idiot The Bees you the Bees you okay. All right, we're gonna go down that round I don't think I wanna play this game. The European theater as though there's one theater in all of Europe. It was not a Jeep, he was in a car, and his car was struck by a truck,

and he was in the back seat without wearing a seatbelt, he was thrown forward, his neck was broken. What? Taken to a hospital, and he died, I believe, pneumonia complications. Usually it follows a paralytic accident back in those days. Is that right?

Yeah, and so he died not long after the end of the war. Really? He doesn't strike me as a sort of fellow to wear a safety belt. No. He probably did not. You should. That's the lesson of George S. Patton's life, put on a goddamn safety belt. Okay.

All right. What else we got here? Oh, he was in the airport movies, George Kennedy, as an airline troubleshooter in like three of them movies. And the Zucker brothers came to him and they said, we want you to be in a parody of them movies called Airplane. And he said, no, I won't because I'm still making money

from the normal ones. But then he did go and do the naked gun movies. And he was very good in those. He was funny in those, right? He was also an aviator who owned a Beechcraft Bonanza, the only airline craft sponsored by Bonanza. Are you okay? Are you all right?

I worry about you. I'm doing fine. You didn't even lose your accent. The only small aircraft. We got it because it says Bonanza. Endorsed by Bonanza. Endorsed by Bonanza. Endorsed. Yeah, he endorsed it.

He's brought to you by Bonanza Aircraft. That's right. He was in Bolero and Creepshow. He was also, his Wikipedia page says he maintained a lifelong affinity for Japan and its culture. So go ahead and imagine George Kennedy in a kimono. You're welcome. Also, he's in Modern Romance. What the hell's Modern Romance?

Modern Romance, Albert Brooks movie. He plays actor George Kennedy in it. He plays himself? He plays himself. He did that a bunch, that's all over his head. He's very sympathetic in Creepshow too. He gets shot by a shotgun right in the belly. Gentlemen, let me just point out to you

that you have drifted far. I know, we do some fun facts, but I will move on. You call those fun? I'd believe they're a lot of fun. They're very fun facts. I felt like those are anvils, heavier anvils that are raining down on our otherwise lovely conversation. Fine, then let's talk all about this episode.

We'll talk about, we'll go scene by scene and we'll talk all about our favorite parts of it. Wait, who was born on this day? Oh, Byron Allen was born on April 22nd, 1961. That's fun. See that? Byron Allen once, I was with my wife and Mr. Chow's in New York. We had a nice big meal.

It was over. I said to the waitress, that was lovely. Can I have the check? And she said, it's all been taken care of. And she gestured and I looked over, Byron Allen. And he's at the table and Byron Owens, one hand at the table, and Byron Owens said, I got you, man. Like he had played a prank on me and I thought,

I love that, yeah, he bought me a nice meal at Mr. Chow's. Very nice meal. You understand fun facts. Yeah. That was nice, that was fun. I know, mine actually, I think mine are a little better than some of you. You don't understand.

No, no, it was a good one, people didn't know, he didn't know. I did not know, that's true. He thought Pat was still alive and living in- But was it fun? I had a little bit of fun thinking about his neck snapping like that. It was a somber fact at least.

It was a little fun, I guess so. You don't understand, it was a beach craft bonanza. That's the name of the plane, you get it? And the television show is called Bonanza, COVID. Yeah, I got that. All right. Now, what else I gonna say about, oh, Barron Allen, he had a show, people was on the show and they didn't know they was on his show.

Real people? Mm-hmm. It was like, no, he'd interview celebrities, but they didn't realize it was for his show. You know what I mean? You just thought they was talking? He'd go to press junkets. Usually when you see a microphone and a camera, it's a little bit of a giveaway. And Byron Allen.

Yeah. I guess so. Maybe I'm confused. All right, we won't talk about Byron Allen anymore. We'll talk about this episode. Feel free to speed through this episode and get to the good parts. We're gonna mark them.

What, they're all good? Every part is equally good. I don't know, I think you've gone off on some tangents. Let's just put it that way. I call this Tangent Alley. Not familiar with the word. That's what people tune into this show for. I think you're insane.

All right. I think we have a lot to talk about with this episode. I think you're insane. All right. I think we have a lot to talk about with this episode. OK, let's talk about it then. Some things just take too long. A meeting that could have been an email, someone explaining crypto, or switching mobile providers. Except with Fizz. Switching to Fizz is quick and easy.

Mobile plans start at $17 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. What's better than a well marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue? A well marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue that was carefully selected by an Instacart shopper and delivered to your door. A well marbled ribeye you ordered without even leaving the kiddie pool. Whatever groceries your summer calls for, Instacart has you covered. Download the Instacart app and enjoy $0 delivery We got, we start out at the ranch house. We got Paul and little Joe in there and here comes Hoss and he brings with him Daniel Pettibone

and his wife Robin and he ran into them on the road from San Francisco to Virginia City, where they are gonna demonstrate the internal combustion engine, which Robin is prepared to give us a history lesson on, and she does. I'm sure you like that. Fun facts about Samuel Brown in the...anyways. I'm just doodling. I'm trying to draw the machine, but you keep going. It's a bright red and yellow, and it runs on a distillation of Scottish ale plus an electrical spark.

So do I, some say. Uh-huh. And they run, and it makes a funny little popping sound whenever it goes, pop, pop, poppity pop. And nobody can believe it. And Haas has gone in as a partner on this project to go ahead and get some investors together and make a full-size prototype that's his plan. And we have learned that he's had some dodgy investments in the past.

This was my favorite part of the episode. Well, little Joe smirks and then comes forward with some of Haas's other investments, which in turn, one of them, my favorite, is a perpetual motion machine which appears to be just a bunch of sticks. Just a bunch of sticks. That you can, sticks on a spoke, and you think, you couldn't sell, an orangutan wouldn't buy this.

Yeah, and I take issue with the gun that shoots around a corner, because the Nazis in World War II did have one of those with a bent barrel that you could shoot around a corner. You're kidding me. I'm not joking. That's a fun fact and I'll take it to my grave. All right.

Maybe that's really what got Patton. They just made up a story. Okay. Now you've... Well, I wouldn't be surprised. He's disperched a really nice man. Who? George S. Patton?

Yeah. He's kind. Seems like the type of guy that would wear a safety belt if he has me. So I don't think he really died in the car crash. Anyway, what was you going to say? Oh, the rifle turns around a corner. Seems like it ought to work. Yeah.

He's also, there's a silver box that makes silver, he was told. The point is, Haas, we've never seen this before in any other episode of the show. Haas has been played for fool many times. Evidently. Yeah, but Haas believes, and then he actually gets little Joe and Pa to say, you know what, if you believe, we believe, which is nice.

At the root of Bonanza is always family. Yes, that's right. It's what Manson said, if you have family, you have everything. So they, so Haas, then we go to, I believe, I'm gonna move it along a little bit. Okay, sure. I think it's gonna be 18.

Slow down there, COVID, take your time. We got nowhere to be, come on. I've shaved twice during this year. Our sound engineer just left. We're gonna have to cut it. He has arthritis. Yeah, we'll have to cut out them shavings. No, no, no, so listen, then we see Haas is making his big play

in the saloon to get other people to invest. Right. He's gone to Virginia City. He's in the bucket of blood saloon. Big Red is there. She's this episode's saloon girl. There's always a different one. And Pete is there and so is Throckmorton.

And they're a couple of, and so is Oglesby and Oglesby, Horace Oglesby is a local in Virginia city and a wealthy man. Throckmorton and Pete are just passing through Virginia city. But when Haas gives the big old pitch and demonstrates what the car can do, a lot of people are making fun of them. But Throckmorton steps forward and he's a real fancy man, wouldn't you say? I would say, and I've never seen anything quite like this, because his whole face was pink except behind his mustache and beard, like they sprayed him, but that masked him

and then he had like an aura of white around. Did you guys see this? I did notice the top of his eyelids had like a white makeup or something on there. I'm not one to mock other people's back. I've done 30 years of television and many crowds have been committed, let's just put it that way, to hide my natural hue. All right. Well, Throckmort, he looks good, but he's literally a mustache-twisting evil man, quite clearly.

But he says, I'm going to chip in $1,000 for the making of this prototype. And then he talks himself into a partnership on the project, not only that. And Haas is so surprised. He says, I'll be sold in half with a blackberry vine. You ever hear that expression before? I haven't, but I'm going to use it regularly now. It's a pretty good one. And that's it.

So now Throckmorton, now would go back to his hotel room where he's sitting with Pete. And Pete is so in love with Big Red, he's just so distracted. This is George Kennedy. George Kennedy. George Kennedy is so distracted by this wonderful redheaded woman

that he can't think straight. And even when she knocks on the door and says, it's Big Red, he has a long, a long delayed reaction to it. Yeah, I didn't understand that. That was a strange, he's in love with her. He and his evil partner are sitting in this hotel room. There's a knock at the door and she says, it's me, Big Red.

And he, I was ready for him to jump out of his boots and rush to the door. He barely moves for a long time, but then suddenly does, and I thought, he's got water that's built up on his cerebral cortex. Yeah, he's a dullard for sure. Something's very wrong with him. I thought it was supposed to be, he's so in love, he's just dreaming of her that when she comes,

he's too so distracted by his love for her that he doesn't even know that she's there. Yeah, he's still in a reverie. Something like that, in a reverie. Something like that. In a reverie, I like that. Thank you. You saw me in half with a blackberry. He's got pretty words.

Throckmorton offers Big Red a job as a secretary, and he does it very evilly, but it doesn't turn out to be an evil plan. No. Ultimately, the guy actually has a heart. I guess so, yeah. Now we see two children who are watching a smelting process. We're going to go through this literally frame by frame, aren't we?

Yes we are, okay. I'm sorry, I made- This is 24 frames per second. Okay. Yeah, yeah. I just want you to know, I did have plans to see my family sometime later this week. Cancel them.

Yeah, yeah, it's not going to work. All right. Along comes Daniel Pidboned, and he explains the smelting process. So this is a scene to explain a scene that we don't need to see. Which you are now explaining. I'm explaining the scene that explained a scene that we don't need to have seen. None of that's real important, is it?

But Haas and Jeff and Jigger are working together. Now here's the thing. Yeah. Jeff and Jigger are introduced to us as the town drunks. Indeed. And Haas needs to now build this very complicated machine. And who does he enlist in this? He enlists the two town drunks.

There's a reason it takes nine times to pour this iron. And they keep complaining about how they can't get it straight. And I think you hired the only two alcoholics in Virginia City. Yeah, I hired them two kids. And Jeff at some point, he looks right into the camera. He speaks to the home viewer at some point. And he says, we'll be whipped if we don't do it this time. He says, well, if you, here's something I've found as an actor.

If you really want to make a point, you look into the lens and give your intention. That speaks to the person at home. Well, this episode didn't invent just the assembly line, but it also invented Ferris Bueller. Oh, that's what it was. Breaking the fourth wall, I think it's called. I haven't heard that expression. Well, you don't get out a lot.

I really don't. Now, we have our scene with the two ladies, and they're in the hotel room, and they're messing around with purple ribbons, this big red and robbing. And they talk for a little while about her job as a secretary. And then she reveals that her and Pete is getting hitched. Even though we've seen no evidence that she has any attraction to him at all, none of that's been developed. I guess it was a different time. You know about this time back when someone would just say, I'm getting hitched, but barely even know the person. Oh yeah, that's the way to do it.

You got hitched a couple times and didn't even know them. That's absolutely right and a couple of them turned out to be werewolves, literal werewolves. Well, I didn't see that coming. You will. And I raised my cup to you. It's happened to me two times. Okay, all right. All right.

Anyway, Robin is so excited that she says, you'll have to- Don't worry, we're already a fifth of the way through the episode. Don't worry, it's only still 1861. Hey, I have a bigger question here. What, what? And I hate to slow you down,

because God knows that's like telling a turtle, whoa! But anyway, I have a question. All right. Bonanza takes place during the Civil War. Uh-huh. The very nation's fabric is being torn asunder over a crucial question of should people be enslaved. Yeah.

These guys are doing nothing. They're out building an infernal machine. They're having fun. They're getting involved. They're racing, talking donkeys. Doesn't that feel irresponsible? Shouldn't they go and take part? This is a territory, not a state.

They are not honor bound to be part of that. They are not honor bound, but don't you think their conscience would drive them a little bit, other than, hey, let's own as much land in Nevada as possible? Oh, you're talking about the cart rights. Yeah.

Oh yeah, they are backsliders for sure. I'm just saying. Mafia protos. What are you talking? These gentlemen have enough on their hands guarding this Gigantic piece of land where four single men can live. Running intruders off. Yeah, they're real busy They don't got time to mess around. There are people giving their lives to try and re-sow the fabric of our great nation and these four assholes

Are hanging out on the largest singly owned piece of property. Do you know how much energy and resources it takes to have three wives mysteriously die on you? It's not easy. I don't agree with you. I'm glad they didn't take a side in the Civil War because it was a complicated war. No it was not.

Complicated. No it wasn't. And all they know is one of these sides is gonna win and when they do we want them buying our ponderosa pine and eating our cows, right? This is smart, that's business. I'm gonna differ with you on this one thing. Okay, on what part?

The cow part, the last 20 seconds. I think we're gonna distance ourself from everything you've said. All I'm saying is I've never understood that Civil War. I've watched about 15 minutes of Ken Burns' thing. Yeah, and I listened to the Guns N' Roses song. I was never the wiser. Never Spaghetti Democracy.

Okay. Well, okay, so there she hands over her veil. Now. Jesus Christ, I forget where we are. Rock Martin. Who gives his big pitch to a whole town of Virginia City. He is a silver tongue son of a bitch and people are throwing their money at the, what do they call it, the power motor or something like that. Yeah, and he says, he says there's going to be a production line.

Yeah, it's going to, yeah, everything that you currently know, home viewer, about what's gonna happen in Detroit. This guy practically says, and by the way, this business will end up moving to Detroit. There will be a four, there will be a General Motors. Curing diseases with a kind of mold. Yeah, he's really far ahead of himself. He could see into the future, yeah. And so no wonder people are throwing their money at him and then there's a strange scene

where there's a photo being taken of Daniel Pettibone and his wife and Haas becomes mesmerized by they say watch the birdie and And then did you notice Haas always calls Daniel Daniel? He's not so fancy. He's not gonna do the two syllables tops He can't do a three syllable word Daniel. He's not so fancy. He's not going to do the- Two syllables tops. He can't do a three syllable word. Now here's where things get real complicated because now Big Red runs in in her wedding dress with a shotgun and she is looking for Pete because Pete and Throckmorton have taken off with all of that money that they gathered up in the streets of Virginia City and they've run off and she's mad because she's been left at the altar.

But Daniel Pettibone and his wife have been left behind, but the whole town assumes that they're part of the swindle. And Haas says, you better spend the night in jail for your own safety, right? You better volunteer to go to jail. But did you notice what happens at the very end of that scene? I'm prepared to show it to you because … Oh, good. It was something when …

Could we just start from the beginning of the episode? The beginning? That's a good idea so we get the full context of it. I don't know that you … I'll bet you, you didn't notice. I can already tell you didn't notice. No, I didn't. Okay. Here's what.

Okay. I'm going to go full screen on it. Daniel Pettibone has been told he's gonna spend the night in jail. Oh, you're gonna want the headphones. Okay. Take off my hat and put on my headphones. All right. He's got a bad heart.

We know that. And off goes, I'm pausing for a second, Hoss and Daniel Pettibone are on their way to the jail cell. Right. Now remember, we've been told he's got a bad heart, not much is said about it. He takes off. I remember this now.'s got a bad heart, not much is said about it. Right. He takes off. Right. I remember this now.

Yes. There's a vial of medicine. There's a vial of medicine there on the desk. And now Robin runs to the doors to say, oh, there he goes. And then she realizes, oh, his medicine. And she grabs it up to go catch him. He better take his medicine. But then what happens here?

Murder. Murder is what she wrote? Murder. Murder. Is what she wrote. Wait a minute. I she murdered her god damn husband. That's what happens there. Wait, what is she realizing that if I give this to him? I thought it was, oh, I guess it's too late.

He's already gone. What it is, but I think that's what they were trying to imply. You can she could catch him. He walked out two seconds ago. I know she could. And that's called bad direction. But not by William Whitney. Well, I'm sorry, QT, but I disagree. I'm telling you that I think, I don't,

no, she doesn't murder her husband. Absolutely she does. Why? It's a murder by omission. But what's the reason? We've been getting- Well, how does everything end up in the end? She ends up with the plans to the petty bone power motor. And all the town's money. Well she could have had the town's money. I don't think so. I'm not sure what does happen to that money in the end. Well they

say give it to the widow. They do, but she's already left town. Yeah, I know I think you're right. She gets $25,000 and the hair or his plans to the thing you think she murdered him. I know she did you just saw it happen I know I don't understand that scene at all. That's really fascinating I saw that you didn't know what's happening and registered it registered it as I he'll probably be okay See, this is why Bonanza is like Shakespeare Kubrick. There's an ambiguity there on purpose for the watcher to interpret. It's just brilliant. Shakespeare Kubrick. Yeah, I know.

If you make something poorly enough, there's always ambiguity. Plus, she got a bottle of free heart pills. Yep. So, okay. And her plan works, God damn it. I'm going to put my hat on and take my headphones off. That's what I'm going to do. So her plan works because he goes into the jail cell,

and everybody's mad at him, and they're throwing that little handles at him, and they're cooking up, tar and feather, they're gonna tar and feather the poor man, and it's more than his heart can bear, and he dies. You can tell he dies too, because he lies on a cot, he closes his eyes, and then his head rapidly turns to the side, which is classic acting for I Die. I have died.

For me, that means I just slightly adjusted my neck while I'm sleeping. But if you're in a movie, it means you're dead. What do you think was the last time someone was tarred and feathered? How recent was the last tarring and feathering? Let's see. Let's see.

Let's see. Let's see. Let's see now. They stopped making feathers in 1970. They don't make feathers. Feathers are a byproduct of most of the whole thing. Can't find tar anymore. Yeah, there's see. Let's see now. They stopped making feathers in 1970. Well, they don't make feathers. Feathers are a byproduct of those poultry. There's some dead-style poultry. Can't find tar anymore. Yeah, there's plenty of tar.

Tar is probably available. Probably, I'd say, 20 years, about. Okay. Yeah, I think so. I think it was around the Nixon administration. They were doing a fair amount of it then. Yeah. That's a fantastic answer.

Yeah. Okay, very good. All right, now, oh my God, Pete makes a big error in strategy because he's still so in love with Big Red that he sends her a letter and he says, me and Throck Martin and your $25,000 is hiding out, come see us. And she misinterprets it as he thinks I'm a criminal too, but she says I'm a floozy, but I'm an honest floozy. So now she tells Hoss, and now Hoss knows, all right, so now she tells Hoss and now Hoss knows, all right, so now we got Hoss and Big Red are going to go to the hiding place of Throckmorton and Pete.

And she is mad at Pete. She'd like to kill Pete for running out on her. And Hoss wants to get that money back. And this is when we have the fantastic greatest fight scene of all time, involving bread dough and- A gun in the oven. A gun in the oven. Guns are firing. George Kennedy gets thrown through a brick wall. It's- Big Red passes out with dough all over her face.

Yeah. She falls out a window. There's also a moment where Throckmorton has little Daringer and he fires it into the air and like a ton of plaster falls on him and Hoss. It seemed like a little more than the actors expected. There was a pause there of like, are we going on with this take? We are? Okay. Yeah, we'll do it.

And then when does he say that very strange line, why did you lie? I'm dishonest. It's the very end of the scene. Hoss says, why? Why? He says, why did you lie? I'm dishonest. It's the very end of the scene. Hoss says, why? He says, why did you have to steal? And Throckmorton says, because I'm dishonest. It's the scorpion and the what? The fox?

What's that old fable? You knew I was a scorpion when you ate me? Fox? No, it's taking him across the pond, but it's not a scorpion and a fox, right? Scorpion and a turtle? Well, that's how could the scorpion get through the shell? When we reference things, we should probably know what we're talking about. I think it makes sense to me a fox would give a scorpion a ride across a river on the back

of a turtle. You know what it was? It was the scorpion and the analogy. That's right. But it was the band of scorpions. The analogy is taking the scorpion across the river. Okay. Okay, so the big fight. So now Haas returns with the money.

Back to the bucket of blood saloon, walks in there with a big suitcase full of money, and he's all excited, but there's a stony silence in the bar. And this is when we learn that Daniel Pettibone has died and everybody feels terrible. Now where's the wife at this point? Exactly, she ain't there.

She's gone, but they decide nobody wants their money back out of the suitcase. They say, would you please give it to the widow? And then Big Red and Pete go ahead and they get they're going to get married. Them lovers kiss at the end there. They're they're happy. And then we go back to the to the ranch where we see Hoss and Pa and little Joe, and they're running the car for the last time. They only have a little bit more of that distilled Scottish ale to run it on. And they run it and it pops and wheezes its way across the room. And that's when we learn

that Petty Bones' wife has gone back east with the plans for the car. and, and, Haas somehow knows not only that she's pregnant, but that it's going to be a boy. And she's going to give the plans for the car to their son. Wait, what's her maiden name? Maybe it's Ford. Oh my God, maybe it is. Because I do, I googled that. Was there ever a Pettibone?

Yeah. I, okay, here's why I don't think it was murder. The caliber of acting, it's done. Just bear with me a second in this episode. It's flawed, but okay, go on. But were it to be murder, I think she would go to the door and then she would have more of a, wait a minute, kind of, she would, she'd kind of a, wait a minute,

and she'd look at the medicine and maybe a sly little grin and then shut the door. Instead, what she does is sort of more forlorn. That's why I don't think it's murder. But that doesn't make no sense. She says, okay, he's going to spend the night in a jail cell. I've got his heart pills that he needs to live. I go to the door.

And then what does she say? If she doesn't say, I don't want him to have this medicine so that our son, who can be more forceful and less shy and not have a heart problem, can be the inventor of the car instead of my loser of a husband who I have to explain things for. I mean, wow. None of that's completely drawn out, but it's possible.

It's in the text. They do kind of make it seem like she's gonna go off and her son is gonna be the one who invents, although we're not all driving around in, what's his name, Hockenberry? A Petty Bone. We're not, who, I never- You don't drive a Petty Bone 150?

You know when I had a Petty Bone 150. But you know what, it popped in wheeze whenever I drove it. And then it would run out of Scottish Pete. And then... But I wouldn't be surprised. I thought John Pettybone Westerns weren't okay? All right. She got remarried to a man named Ford.

And they named this child Henry. And they lived in Detroit and he took it the plans his father made for a car. That's what it's all about. All right, gentlemen. It is time for me to take the reins here for a second. Oh, really? Yeah, because I just need to tell you that my brother, Neil, was very happy

that we were watching this episode. Oh, good. My brother, Neil, is a huge, as I told you, Bonanza fan. Yeah, but we're probably gonna cut out everything until we get to my fun facts. We're just gonna do my fun facts. No, that's not gonna happen. You're actually in my studio.

Oh, shit. So I control everything, yeah. And I do all the fun facts. No, that's not gonna happen. You're actually in my studio. Oh, shit. So I control everything, yeah. And I do all the editing here. Oh dear. I'm very familiar with audio editing. I know a fella named Matt might take issue with that. Yeah. Hold on a second.

All right, your brother. He was very happy, Neil. You told him you were gonna do this. I was gonna do this and he was very excited. Oh boy, oh boy. Very excited, he's gonna be listening to this episode. So Neil, my brother, I love him. He's my oldest brother. Got me interested in Bonanza.

He said his favorite episode is called The Colonel. The Colonel. And it's from 1963 with John Larkin, Warren Klemlinger, Edward Platt. Oh yeah, Chief. Oliver Platt's uncle. Is that right? I don't know.

Oh, just don't say no. Why not? That's just stupid. Why not? That's just dumb. Well imagine if it was true. Well, don't know. Oh, just don't say no. Why not? That's just stupid. Why not? That's just dumb. Well, imagine if it was true. Well, don't, okay. What a terrible history teacher you'd be.

Anyway, Eric Platt, he was the chief on Get Smart. This is Neil's favorite episode. He thinks early 1963 had the best episodes, including Song in the Dark, The Last Haircut, Elegy for a Hangman, The Heyburner, Thunderman, Any Friend of Walters. Some others that were great include The Sisters from 1959, The Countess from 1961, The Lady from Baltimore 1962, The Ride from 62, Woman of Fire 65, Abner Willoughby's Return 69,

Gideon the Good 1970, Winter Kill 71, The Saddle Stiff, 72, The Younger Brothers, Younger Brother, 72, The Hunter, 1973, then Neil says, I met Lauren Green on December 21st, 1982. We talked about A Good Night's Rest from 1965 and why the show is in color as early as 1959. Wow. To be that close to greatness. Here's what I don't understand though.

This episode was not on his list. No, not of his favorites. Favorites. Well, why would that be? Maybe he hadn't seen it. Yeah, I guess maybe he hadn't seen this one. No, he has seen them all many times. I don't know.

This is still a mystery then. How could this not be on somebody's list of the best episodes? It doesn't make no sense to me. I don't know. My top 10 Bonanza episodes are the last 10 I've seen. Yeah, I'm with you. My 10 bonanza episodes are the last 10 I see yeah My top 431 episodes of bonanza are all the episodes of me well we better hurry this long so we can do a second talk through

The episode yeah, that's right, and I should probably make a new so I can Well folks with that I'm afraid there's only 369 episodes of bonanza Lift for us to talk about on this podcast. You can always go back and talk about them again, or you can move on to some slightly inferior Westerns like High Chaparral or The Big Valley. But I think you should stick with Bonanza. Stick with Bonanza.

It's the all-time best show of all time. Well thank you to your brother Neil for sending us his list of favorites. Thank you, I suppose, to you for being here as our guest. What do you mean, I suppose? Hey, are you guys ever gonna cover the episodes where Hoss and Little Joe run into guys who are played by them who are called the Slade Boys? Yeah, I think we saw that already.

Did you see that one? No, I don't think we. Yeah, I think we saw that already. Did you see that one? No, I don't think we saw that. I think we did. Yeah, Neil wanted me to mention these guys, the Slade Boys. Let's see. And it's played, I'm showing the picture now, it's played by Haas and Little Joe.

What episode is it? I feel like we did see it. Because I remember we talked about that episode of Different Strokes where Mr. Drummond and Kimberly play Austrian versions of the family but gender swapped. That's true. That's true. You know what?

Now that I don't remember talking about. Gentlemen, I'd like to leave you with one thought and one thought only. Slade Brothers. You listen to me? I need your attention here. You're the only cowboy I know who's always on his laptop. But I'm trying to figure out what episode that was. Oh, I see it carved out of Hickory.

The Slade Brothers. That's different. Do you mind if I talk to you for a second? Yeah, we've seen it. Gentlemen, we'll take whatever you're about to say with a grain of salt. Gentlemen, you get but one life. You guys are wasting yours.

Excuse me. This is a terrible waste of life. This idiot thinks you only get one life. I've never seen Eduardo laugh that hard. Life is long, it is abundant, and it is repeated over and over. There are people who are drawing their last breaths regretting things, and you two fuckers are here. Life is long, don't rush me.

Nobody on their deathbed ever said I wish I didn't watch so many episodes of Bonanza. Or different strokes. Oh yeah. I wish I didn't watch so many episodes of Bananza. I like different strokes. Yeah. All right, well, thanks again, Conan, for being here. Yee-haw! Yee-haw! Now get! Bananas for Bananza is brought to you by Andy Daly with Matt

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