Bonanas for Bonanza - Bonanas For Bonanza Episode #67: “The Smiler”

Episode Date: September 3, 2025

Subscribe to The Andy Daly Podcast Project at Patreon.com/AndyDaly Dalton, Mutt and Dalton's niece Markie are excited to welcome Bonanza fan, author and screenwriter Gillian Flynn (Gone Girl, Sha...rp Objects) to discuss Bonanza's morally complex and song-filled third season premiere episode, 'The Smiler'.    Featuring Gillian Flynn, Matt Gourley & Lily SullivanMerch: redbubble.com/people/ADPodProject/shopMail: PO Box 9407 Glendale, CA 91226Email: bonanaspod@gmail.comAndy’s website: andydaly.comRecord date: 10/28/2024 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:23 Plus get a one-time use of five gigs of roam beyond data. Conditions apply, details at freedommobile.com. You're about to listen to Bananas for Bonanza episode 67, which was released to our Patreon subscribers on November 6th, 2024. This is Andy Daily. Here on this free feed, we release an episode of Bananas for Bonanza every other week. If you want to hear them earlier and ad free, please subscribe to patreon.com slash Andy Daily.
Starting point is 00:00:52 You'll also find the entire archive there, as well as two bonus podcasts, access to the Discord, and more. Subscribe today. And now enjoy this episode of Bananas for Bonanza. I'm Bananas for Bonanza. Let's get started with a year. Hot damn, this is Bananas for Bonanza. Hello, folks.
Starting point is 00:01:48 We're doing this is episode 67 of Bananas for Bonanza in which we are discussing the 67th episode of Bonanza that was ever made. We lined up the numbers good finally. This is it. It finally clicked. It feels good, man. My God, it feels like a warm bath with an H in the word wharm. Yeah, put that H in there for extra warmth.
Starting point is 00:02:08 And this is not only that, this is the first episode of the third season of Bonanza. That's huge. What a way to kick it off to. It's a banner day. We got two exciting guests with us here today, one of which I'm very happy to have here. The other of which is here mostly because. because I am not letting her out of my sight ever again. I have her again after what she'd done.
Starting point is 00:02:33 So let's quickly say hello to my niece, Markey. Marky Wilcox is here. Hi. Hello, Marky. You care to tell the people what you've done to get yourself in so much stuff? God, I was selling fake IDs at school, mostly with Dalton's information, social security number. Correct. You don't even need to put that on a goddamn driver's license.
Starting point is 00:02:56 You were selling fake IDs to other high school. thinking they could pass as a some middle-aged cowboy? Yeah, I did. Because he has kind of a butter face. You know, you can't see it. So I was like this. What do you mean about? What's the butter face?
Starting point is 00:03:09 It means you look like butter. You look like a thumb. Okay. You look like a potato. So basically everybody. Maybe I'm crazy, but I'm only hearing compliments later. I like butter and potatoes. You mean in a good way, right?
Starting point is 00:03:21 Because the potatoes are fine range. Yeah. I mean, in a great way for fake IDs, yeah, you look like a faceless potato. So lots of people could. passes you. Yeah. I guess so. And then I just got...
Starting point is 00:03:32 I've come to think of it all these years. I do not know what you look like and I'm looking right at you. I know. I have been told the thumb thing. I've been told that many times. When you get tan, you get very like crinkly. You look like a potato that's been roasted.
Starting point is 00:03:45 And that one day that you wore one of them face shields for COVID lockdown and said I was done with it. But that one day you did look like the back of a thumb. With a nail on it. Yeah, you had a nail. Well, thank you. These are very nice compliments. But now I'm excited. introduced to you, our guest, the one that I'm glad is here, who's not here under duress in any way
Starting point is 00:04:04 at all, who didn't do nothing wrong to be here, only right things. Ladies and gentlemen, author of books, Gillian Flynn, is here. Wow. I'm so happy to be here. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited. You was on Instacart talking about how you like this podcast. You put a picture. What are you talking about Instacart? You Instacarting by dear Is what you Oh, you call it Instagram That's what it is
Starting point is 00:04:34 Say it like that Instagram That's what it was You put your picture on there And you said you You're a fan of this panel We immediately said We got to get Gillian Flynn on here
Starting point is 00:04:44 Because I'm a fan of her books That's right We decisively read very few books On principle Right But when we do We read Gillian Flynn Yeah
Starting point is 00:04:54 She's Gillian Roked Dog Is called Gone Girl isn't it? It's called the gone girl. Yeah. I want a gone girl myself, honestly. What's that? You're going to gone girl yourself? I want to.
Starting point is 00:05:04 To who, though? I mean, that implies you're going to kill someone to do it. Yeah, exactly. Did the gone girl kill somebody? Yes, she killed Doogie Hauser. Who? Doogie Hauser. Here's what, this book.
Starting point is 00:05:17 It gets complicated. It's got like, you'll read it and there's a chapter by a man. And I want to ask you who wrote them. and then the next chapter will be by a woman and then back and forth like that. Back and forth like that. Who wrote the man book parts? Someone who knew what they were doing. I guess they're like, I can barely do this lady stuff, damn it.
Starting point is 00:05:40 You subletted part of your story out. I like that. What I did is I read it and I loved it, but at a certain point I said, you know what? I'm just going to read the man parts. Yeah. And I don't think I missed anything in terms of story, but I'm surprised to hear Doogie Hazard. That's not the first time you've only focused on the man parts. Oh, what do you mean by that?
Starting point is 00:05:57 You butter-faced dog. But that's great. And, of course, you're a Bonanza fan. Somebody who cares about stories and characters and stuff, good stuff. The West. And the West. That features heavily and Gone Girl. Right.
Starting point is 00:06:15 Yeah. All those cowgirls. And Banan, have you been a fan of Bonanza for a long time? I would say since a youth growing up in Kansas City. Whoa. Wow. And Gateway to the West, basically. That's a real marriage. That Jesse James' birthplace is there.
Starting point is 00:06:32 You're kidding me. So I had a little bit of that kind of cowboy vibe growing up. Marky, does any of this sit as a guidepost, a North Star, for you to follow? No. I'm so sorry. No. I, I like the idea of Gone Girling myself for sure, but, like, becoming a successful author. Like, I have no interest.
Starting point is 00:06:54 say you and I can collaborate on something well bad I would love really wanted to fuck someone over yeah absolutely I would love that thank you so much right now I'm consider myself a mentor yeah that would be amazing I'm currently stuck staying with my stupid uncle you know you're not you're staying with me yeah that's what I'm talking about oh shit she got you she got you yeah but no well yeah well Marka done run away from my brother's house and now she's staying with me and me and Betty Lou and we're we're teaching her up good right? We taught you some real good stuff. Yeah, I guess.
Starting point is 00:07:27 Talked you some rope tricks, didn't I? Yeah, you taught me how to make a lasso. Yeah, that's right. Even though I kept asking you to know how to make a noose. You know, I didn't tell her you could use a lasso as a noose if you want to. But no, no, I ain't teaching anybody how to make nooses. I'll wake up in it. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:07:51 All right, folks, this is exciting. We're talking about the episode is called. the Smiler. Man, this episode was fantastic. Oh, I say this at the beginning of every episode. Hello, friend. Come on in. The gate is open wide. Welcome to Bananas for bananas. Today we're talking about
Starting point is 00:08:06 season three, episode one, the Smiler. This episode has all four of the regular cast members of the show, and two of them is necessary to the story. Or maybe you could have... Just one. You could have maybe just done it with one, I guess. But I'll have to see all three of men
Starting point is 00:08:22 there. And it's got a woman That's what I was going to say. What a crazy experience to see a woman on the show. Just one, though. I don't think you catch sight of it in others. Yeah, no. And it's got, what else has it got? It's got murder and mayhem and wildness.
Starting point is 00:08:39 And sing sing-song. So much singing. It had a black person at one point, too. It had a black person. This is not technically the first black person on Bonanza, but it's the first one that you could tell by looking at them they was black. That's crazy. They had one who was, they probably hired them by mistake.
Starting point is 00:08:59 Just to tell you, the real deal. This episode aired September 24th, 1961, and this is the first time, this is a Sunday, the first time a bonanza's airing on Sunday, Marky, the Lord's Day. Yeah. I don't care. Yeah. And it was on, let's tell you what it was, it came after something called Car 54, where are you? And it was on against the general.
Starting point is 00:09:23 theater hosted by Ronald Reagan. Can you believe they beat that? That's some competition. General of it. Yeah. And the number one movie is come September. Bobby Darren and Sandra D. met while on location and fell in love.
Starting point is 00:09:42 It is a romantic comedy starring Rock Hudson. Now that we know that Rock Hudson is gay, I guess they didn't know at the time, but now we know it. The trailer starts off in a funny way. So we'll watch it now. We'll appreciate it now that we know. Only now that we know that he's geek and we laugh and enjoy this trailer in the way it begins.
Starting point is 00:10:04 I want you to start at the start. Don't start in the middle. You're a favorite part of every episode is the little interim where you go from, let's watch this to when we get to watch this. This is excruciating watching us. Why wasn't it set up before? Well, this can't. No, that is what I wanted to show you.
Starting point is 00:10:20 Here we go. Look at that. oh something's wrong with this picture and he's kissing it that's all she runs in gives rock cousin a big kiss and then there's texts on the screen and says something's wrong with this picture wow now we can laugh and enjoy that because he's out of the closet and living happily as a gay man now well he's in the first what is that don't go doing any further googling he's great that record they didn't have to change his name when he was is on the Flintstones.
Starting point is 00:10:55 He's the only one. I think that's right. Tender Years by George Jones is the number one country song. You love George Jones, don't you? He's great. Do you know the George Jones story? His wife took away the car keys so he couldn't go down to the liquor store. But she didn't take the keys to the rider lawnmower.
Starting point is 00:11:13 And he took him like an hour and a half to get to... I think they made a movie out of that, didn't they? The straight story? Yeah, that's right. That's dedication. I bet you he mowed some lawns on his way there, too. Take good care of my baby by a Scandinavian American Hall of Famer, Bobby V. Was the number one rock song, I guess, number one popular song.
Starting point is 00:11:37 This is a song about a guy. He's singing to the guy who took his girl away. And it has, you won't be surprised to hear an answer song. You know about answer songs? Yeah. No. Only from you guys. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:51 This is an answer song by Ralph. Emory, who recorded a song called I'll take good care of your baby. I don't know if you'll find this interesting. Why aren't the links all set up already? What do you mean? How do you set up a link already? You've got Marky in the house. It means you guys could come together and she could mentor you.
Starting point is 00:12:10 Literally, it could all be pulled up different windows that you click. But every time I see you copying and past it into a URL, taking like 25 minutes. I thought she was Googling it each. time. Sometimes I have done that. Hard to say what's real here and what is it. You're not even clicking on the link in the Google Doc. I don't know how to do that.
Starting point is 00:12:36 I copy it from pages and I put it in the top of the YouTube. Oh my God. This is an absolute torture. When we first started this podcast, he has come a long way. He'd set up a 35 millimeter film projector to show these clips. Oh, Lord. Help us. get them transferred on to that from a YouTube
Starting point is 00:12:54 would not easy. We're Alfamory here. It's just something about it. If you're sorry that you had to see her go. But if it's any consolation, here's something
Starting point is 00:13:13 that you should know. So small. Take your time. I'll take good care of your baby. I'll never, ever, ever make her blue. I don't know. I love it. I think it's wonderful.
Starting point is 00:13:31 It's very earnest. Yeah, not since Judy's turn to cry, have I appreciated an answer song as much as that one. Yeah, exactly. Judy's turned to cry. Man, I don't know if they do answer songs. Do they do answer songs anymore? No. How about that?
Starting point is 00:13:44 She went to see, she used my damn credit card, about tickets to see Charlie X at the King of War. Yeah, X, X, Frat Summer. Yeah. Yeah, we went. and I also went to Taylor on your dime. Oh, my God. And I went to Sabrina Carpenter.
Starting point is 00:13:59 Unbelievable. She's got my credit card, and I can't tell in a credit card company. Well, it's really easy to steal your personal information. You don't even know what you're doing on the computer. You have a whole folder called passwords. Yeah. You have a whole folder called Credit Card. Right.
Starting point is 00:14:14 Credit card information passwords. I got a whole file on my desktop called Don't look at this market. I just want you to know what you're asking for it. I ain't asking for nothing. You're asking for it with this. I need help. Do you have these problems, Gilly and you? I know you have a young person at home, don't you?
Starting point is 00:14:29 I do. I do. I call mine secret folder. Oh, that's a lot better. Yeah, no one's going to find that. That's a lot better. All right. Well, anyway, his answers on it.
Starting point is 00:14:43 All right, let's hear about, wait on. Oh, I got, man, oh, man. Celebrity birthday. Born on September 24th, 1961, was Alan Bestwick, American NASCAR broadcaster. That's a real American there. That's a real celebrity birthday. He also was the reporter
Starting point is 00:14:58 during the inaugural season of the professional Bull Riders Team Series competition. That's where I know. That's where you know that. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore?
Starting point is 00:15:15 Fizz is 100% online so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. Say hello savings and goodbye worries with FreedomMobile. Get 60 gigs to use in Canada, the U.S., and Mexico for just $39 a month. Plus get a one-time use of five gigs of Rome Beyond data.
Starting point is 00:15:34 Conditions apply, details at freedommobile.com. Okay, let's talk about who done the thing. All right, Herschel Bernardi played Clarence Bowling in this episode. You ever hear Herschel Bernardi? I don't think so. You may not have think you done heard of him, but you've heard his voice many times. He was the ho-ho-ho-ho green giant. What?
Starting point is 00:15:57 Jolly Green Giant. He did them ho-ho-hoes. Even you know that. Kind of, yeah. Yeah, okay, good. He was Charlie the tuna in the Star Kiss Tuna commercials. Do you know just food mascots this guy? Sonny from Cocoa Puff?
Starting point is 00:16:12 No, but he was them too. And he, those commercials was Charlie was a tuna who wanted to be called. by starfish and turned into meal. He wanted to die. He wanted to die. But they would never take him. Cunning. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:31 They would send down a little piece of papers that said, sorry, Charlie, because he wasn't, that's where sorry Charlie comes from. You know, and I tell you that all the time, sorry, Charlie. I didn't buy your sugary cereals or whatever it is you're asking about.
Starting point is 00:16:46 I literally never asked for sugary cereals. Whatever it is. I wanted an assayee bowl. What's that? It's assayee in a bowl. No, I know what a bowl is. And then I asked you to make overnight oats. Yeah, right.
Starting point is 00:17:01 I sent him a bunch of TikToks and I said, make this. She's telling him the goddamn TikToks. And you expect him to find those TikToks and view them? How? Well, I thought it would keep him occupied for a few hours. And it did. And then I went to Charlie X-EX. I'm standing there stirring these overnight oats.
Starting point is 00:17:19 and she's out there all damn night and she's out there with my credit card buying herself a Charlie X shirt at the Kia Forum can you believe Liz? It's not Charlie X. I don't know how many times I have to tell you. I don't know either.
Starting point is 00:17:33 What is it? XXX. Well, that doesn't communicate any more information than Charlie X. If it's just the same to you, I'll do the short version. Still don't know what I say he is. I'm so afraid of the bowl.
Starting point is 00:17:48 part in a bowl, putting a bowl? You guys are killing me. Yeah, trying to. He was also the narrator and how many licks does it take to get to the center of a room? Oh, no. This guy could do anything. He got himself around.
Starting point is 00:18:04 He also, he took over the role of Tev Yee from a fiddler on the roof from Zero Mistell on Broadway. So that's why he could sing so. Which guy is this? Is this the guy that gets shotter or the Smiler Brother? The Smiler Brother. Oh, this is the main thing and, okay. yeah the main guy he was on peter gun for all every episode of peter gun he looks like a marx brother out of costume he looks like harpo out of costume oh yeah right or a chico yeah and it kind of looks like a thumb no you don't think so no all right it's not the same he was blacklisted for communist sympathies this guy was but only for two years and only specifically by cbs oh that's suspended local sentence I call an audible on that.
Starting point is 00:18:49 I know. It feels like he just went two years without getting hired on CBS and said it's because I'm, they got me. Doesn't sound right. But if you're wondering why. I've been blacklisted for years now on top 40 country radio. I know. But if you're wondering why he worked so much, I'll answer the mystery. Take a look at his headshot.
Starting point is 00:19:11 Of course, this guy worked. Come on now. Look at that. How do you not hire that guy? Oh, wow. Oh no. I'll post this on Patreon. Wow. Why was he not cast as a principal in everything? This looks like your Facebook page, Dalton.
Starting point is 00:19:25 It's just guys like this. He's like the alcoholic businessman who later commits suicide in a hotel room. That's what he looks like. Yeah, that's this type. Sure there were roles like that he could have played. He wouldn't play the hell out of that. He looks like he regrets everything. Yeah, he does.
Starting point is 00:19:43 Everything he's ever done. Catherine McLeod played Mrs. McClure, the widow McClure in this episode. The woman. The woman. She is most famous for a TV commercial. Now you're going to watch me post. There he is. He's copying the YouTube right now.
Starting point is 00:19:57 Copy it carefully by clicking and running a finger across. Literally taking 100 years. Command C. Now he's opening Safari. No, Safari. What's wrong with Safari? You can't use Safari. Are you guys kidding?
Starting point is 00:20:11 No. I hate Chrome. You have to use Chrome. because it makes you, when you want to quit, it makes you gaslights you. It says, are sure he wants to quit? I fucking hate that. You have Netflix. It does the same thing to you. Netflix? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:24 Yeah, they can all go screw themselves up a high hill. You need to get chrome. I don't know what's going on with you, but you having safari is one of the darkest things I've ever seen. You interrupted me. Command V. I'm a safari man myself. We just start over again. I got to start over again.
Starting point is 00:20:43 Oh, no, he's going to be. Back to the Google Doc. Oh, no, he's copying again. It ain't a Google Doc. It's pages. It's pages. Yeah, yeah. I'm surprised.
Starting point is 00:20:53 It's not even a Google Doc. Oh, my God. This is devastating. It's clippy. This is Elizabeth McClure in a commercial for headache medicine. And it's real good. And I'll think you'll enjoy it. Pure codeine and cocaine.
Starting point is 00:21:12 Yeah, kind of. It looks like it. together. Don't you think it needs a little salt? Mother, please. I'd rather do it myself. Whoa. Control you.
Starting point is 00:21:30 Sure you have a headache, you're tense, irritable. But don't take it out on her. You need Anison for fast relief. The big difference in Anison makes a big difference in the way you feel. Minutes after taking Anison. Headache pain is gone. So tension's gone. Irritability's gone.
Starting point is 00:21:48 You're in control. Poor mother were staring out the window. It looked so very. They didn't know anything to do back then. What's missing from aspirin. Oh, what's missing from aspirin. Oh, I'm scared. They carried this thing into the 80s because I remember that bottle and those little vials of powder.
Starting point is 00:22:07 You keep control. She's keeping control now. Wow. Okay. How to keep women docile. The most important thing to do for a woman to remember. Stay in control. Stay in control.
Starting point is 00:22:18 So that's a good commercial, but in the same series of commercials. Oh, no. He's copying another you are. I'm copying another one. Oh, shit. But now it's moving on to the other thing. His YouTube is starting another commercial. YouTube is doing, I don't want to see it. Oh, Sunday morning.
Starting point is 00:22:32 Your algorithm gives you CBS commercials. What is happening? Well, they clearly are anti-communists, so that's why they're the preferred network. Sunday morning CBS. My algorithm fits me like a glove. I have no secrets. This is another commercial from the same series that is better, I think. How many of these did you watch?
Starting point is 00:22:54 All of them. Oh, just enjoy this. How's this, Mommy? That looks good. Hi, darling. Hurry and get ready for dinner. Fuck off, woman. Ellen, please, I just got home.
Starting point is 00:23:10 Don't right. Oh! Oh, please. I wasn't joking. Oh, my God. Take it out on her. You need Anison for fast relief. The big difference in Anison makes the big difference in the way you feel.
Starting point is 00:23:24 It's the most violence I've ever seen on television. When it's after taking Anison, headache thing's gone. So tension's gone. Iridability's gone. You're in control again. Oh, you can yell at me any time, honey. I'm just glad there are no knives nearby. Is Anison Prozac?
Starting point is 00:23:40 That's really healing people. Have you ever seen? anger like that on television? I don't think I ever have. That's beautiful. I'd love some, Annison. Yeah, I don't know that they make it anymore. Must have been something wrong with it. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:55 This is the commercials alone. We also had in this show, do I care about this guy? Maybe I'll skip him. You can't tease us like that. This better be good. There ain't much. Bill Zucker was he was just in a million damn things. Okay. He worked and worked and worked. last role was as old man in naked gun 33 and a third that's a career that if you can end
Starting point is 00:24:19 on old man yeah old man three old man old man old man three you don't even have to act your last role yeah got a damn long resume as does robert folk who played uh the deputy in this episode he uh i don't know he was a lot of these people worked on lassie i don't know but then very importantly scatman crothers is in this episode You know Scatman Crothers? No, of course not. Skatman Crothers. You know Scatman Crothers.
Starting point is 00:24:49 I know and love Scatman Crothers. Skatman Crothers. He was in The Shining as playing the role of Skatman Crothers. No. Dick Halloran. Oh, all right. Okay, good. That's fine.
Starting point is 00:25:00 He was Louis the Garbage Man and Chico the Man, Chico and the Man. And he was, he was in a Harlem Globe Trouther's cartoon. That's right. Metal Lark Leman. He was Hong Kong Fooey. Hong Kong, I don't know that. Yeah, he was Hong Kong phooey, huh? He was in Bronco Billy with Clint Eastwood.
Starting point is 00:25:17 If you say so. I do. He was the scat cat in the arrest of cats. Yeah? He did all kinds of things. He said he was good friends of Jack Nicholson. He said about The Shiner and he said, that movie was all right to make. But, you know, Stanley likes to do a lot of takes.
Starting point is 00:25:31 It gets kind of boring. But when you take a job, you do it. His journey on that film was. Really something. He was originally supposed to be the source of the evil and end up being the bad guy in the film. and then they changed it. Oh, really? But then on his last day shooting,
Starting point is 00:25:46 he sat down and he sang, composed and sang a song for Stanley Kubrick, and everyone sat there awkwardly as he sang it. I think there's footage of it or something or audio, too. It's really something. Was it like a disc track? Was it? Because it sounded like Stanley that much.
Starting point is 00:26:01 No, you didn't, but he's such, I think, a kind man that he wanted to end on a positive note, so he wrote something positive. Isn't that sweet? That is nice. He and my friend might have the same birthday. Isn't that nice? Unbelievable.
Starting point is 00:26:12 That's so boring. Why we need to know that detail? That's a great deal. It was like kind of an interesting story. That's a twist. Who cares that? He has the same birthday as your friend? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:22 That's incredible. I mean, that odds are one in 3502. So boring. One of the most boring things I've ever heard. I can't believe you. You don't understand drama, you know? Intrigue. I absolutely understand drama.
Starting point is 00:26:36 You do? Yeah. Watch my friend group. Stirs up in it all the time on the phone on. you stir it you stir the pot yeah you're getting read gong girl because it's full of drama if i read i would read it that's a nice compliment that's so sweet i love it there's a movie too okay is there like um ticot like clips of the movie where i could just watch back to back i could sing it to you oh okay can i be on my phone yeah sing as guy girl i can make turn anything to a tune
Starting point is 00:27:09 apparently boiling cabbage down as we will find out yeah do you like songs about boiling cabbage down um i mean i guess i like cabbage because fermentation's good for gut health oh my god wow you listened to that Andrew Huberman remember i sent you yeah i sent you the clips of Andrew Huberman and i said make this oh yeah and i served her a steak and potatoes good a steak and a you yeah yeah that's right Meaning don't me. A steak and a me. What a, oh, because I look like a potato. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:46 It was a movie. Did you like the movie A Gone Girl? I liked it. I did. Old Ben Affleck was in that. I wrote it. Oh, you wrote that movie? How'd that happen?
Starting point is 00:27:55 Did you like the movie that he wrote? I wanted to jump in there before you're like, it was crap. No, no, no. I liked it. I did like it. I was going to say. Because a lot of times people complain that the book, but you never hear that about gone girl that's a good one what what what how did it first it was a buck first it was a
Starting point is 00:28:14 book well first it was an idea oh oh what did you get the idea from whirling around probably watching too much true crime probably if i had to if i were going to be honest probably okay i like you a lot more now we'll watch some date line later yeah perfect you don't want to watch tv with her she's looking at her phone the whole time but now you got a uh uh So first it was an idea, then it was a book, then it was a movie. And they said, they let you write, don't they sometimes not do that? They oftentimes not do that. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:28:45 Yeah. What did you do? You said, fuck you. I'm writing. You want to make a movie? I'm writing this. Nice. David Fincher to direct it.
Starting point is 00:28:55 Then I got David. Oh, speaking of doing a lot of takes, he's famous for that too, isn't he? Were you on set much? I was on set a lot. Yeah, it was very fun. We even, like, filmed it. I mean, he, likes the verite so we even filmed a lot of it in missouri like down in my home state down in
Starting point is 00:29:13 the boot hill oh that's fun so it was good to shove it in the face of all the people that was mean to you grow up there remember me kitty marquant oh kitty marquant i had a dalliance with her wow you saw all those trucks parked downtown on the lights and all that's me yeah if you have anything that you want to say to the people you went to high school with, now is the time. You can say it directly into the mic. I'm sure they're listening. Oh, they're definitely listening. Do you do that to your friends at high school? No, because
Starting point is 00:29:46 nobody listens to the show. What are you talking about? I told you guys, you have about like five listeners. That's pretty good. I'll take it. That ain't bad. Finally, I want to tell you, High Termin, who played Arthur Bowling, who gets shot in the early part of the episode, served two terms as the president of the Sherman Oaks Chamber of Commerce.
Starting point is 00:30:04 Oh, I thought you were heading toward the president. Is it? Sherman Oaks Chamber of Commerce, that's impressive, for two terms consecutive. Wow. They could have booted them out and got somebody else in there to do. They said, we're sticking with high. Yeah. Okay.
Starting point is 00:30:19 All right, shall we talk about this episode now? Now that we've laid all the possible groundwork there is to lay. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore? FIS is 100% online, so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply, details at fizz.ca.
Starting point is 00:30:43 Say hello savings and goodbye worries with FreedomMobile. Get 60 gigs to use in Canada, the U.S., and Mexico for just $39 a month. Plus get a one-time use of five gigs of Rome Beyond data. Conditions apply, details at freedommobile.com. This episode begins its nighttime in Virginia City, a dangerous time in a dangerous place and then rides into town a stranger right but don't get used to him because he's going to die real soon he's uh he's just trying to make friends with a lady that's all right oh my god he's been away a long time he'd like to have company with a woman and she's gives him the
Starting point is 00:31:25 cold shoulder and so he jumps off his horse and gets right in their face and then hawse cartwright comes along and says he'll leave her alone she doesn't want nothing to do with you button himself in and then it comes to blows hoss punches first didn't he does he block an a punch that is oddly telegraphed i couldn't tell because i felt like the guy went like this first but not to punch but just kind of like hooray stretch i thank you for white knighting this poor woman hooray it's a classic distraction i punched the air you look at that and then i punch your face
Starting point is 00:32:01 but Haas didn't fall for it Haas punched him down and then he says Well that's that for that And let's move on With our night Not realizing that that's
Starting point is 00:32:10 I'm bet you pulled a gun on him Now we got a fight in the street And at some point I don't know what's called this Haas gave him a pat on the back Yeah he gave him a little Pat on the back And sound effects went
Starting point is 00:32:20 like it was Like it was a big But I think it might have been Like a hey that you're hurting my back Like it's something like There there there There there it's okay He gave a little pat on his back
Starting point is 00:32:30 He is a big He is a gentle job. He puts you to sleep just as soon as kick your ass. I guess that's right. Even in the middle of the fight, he'd say, you're all right, buddy, you're all right. That's okay. It ain't nothing personal.
Starting point is 00:32:40 But then it was a classic Copa Gabana who shot who scenario. The gun goes off in the middle of a struggle. Well, who shot who was that Hoss shot Arthur Bowling. How many times does this happen? This direct thing happened to a car ride where they've been in the struggle. I think we've seen it for almost every one of the car rides. Well, literally the only other episode I watched, I was like, am I watching the same one again?
Starting point is 00:33:00 I literally was like I had to go check in the email I was like I've already watched this one did that last one have a woman one woman yeah yeah how quickly and there was a struggle and the Haas was in it
Starting point is 00:33:11 and then he was all tormented by it really I've literally already watched this but it turned out it was a different episode they never repeat storylines I know they never do they never repeat a storyline so you must be mistaken yeah you must be dreaming but this one is you know
Starting point is 00:33:28 people get killed all the time on this show but boy, Haas is really torn up over this one. For some reason, they really upset him. I don't know why. He just feels terrible about it. And so much so that he pays for the funeral. Unbelievable. It looks like expensive funeral.
Starting point is 00:33:44 They got one of them glass-cased funeral wagons and all that. Oh, yeah, it keeps going. It's respectable, right? Respectable. Yeah. It's like, not one of the disrespects. You know what I've heard about. There's plenty of those in Virginia City.
Starting point is 00:33:58 How do we express our disrespect? for this dead person any number of ways to do it i guess but this was a respectable one but along comes a singing fella in a horse-drawn wagon this is clarence bowling brother of the dead man and he's a he's a beautiful voice and he's a happy fella and all he wants to do is bury his own brother in peace so there's a coffin transfer and then he rides off singing just pretty loud real loud and very happy and it's It's an awkward scene because there's the man Haas that one of done killed his brother, but he doesn't seem perturbed. He says, I don't want no trouble.
Starting point is 00:34:36 That could be right there if the episode ended there. Everything would have been just fine, don't you think? Can we talk about how the coffin did not fit into the battle? That's not a respectable funeral. I was waiting for just going to slip. It's true. I think he should leave vibes like about to fall out. I was worried about that.
Starting point is 00:34:56 That's true. He's going to get to the burial place and realize he dropped his brother several miles back. Well, so now we got Hoss and Little Joe. They're riding home through leafier scenery than we usually see. And poor Hoss can't get this off of his mind. And then what do they see up ahead of them? Oh, my goodness. They're on the Ponderosa land.
Starting point is 00:35:15 And there's Clarence Bowling singing, nobody knows the trouble I've seen, beautifully. And burying his brother on the Ponderosa land. And Hoss says, you can't, no, can't do that. because I live and work here, and I would find it upsetting. You may not. See, so at this point... Where do you guys fall on this? I was like, let him bury the guy that you killed and let him get out of here.
Starting point is 00:35:40 This is like one of those, am I the asshole? You're always trying to get me to listen to it. Yeah, are you? So who's the asshole? You're a let him bury it. Yeah, let him buried. And then you take the tombstone out. Well, once the guy's gone.
Starting point is 00:35:51 And you don't think you'll come back to visit it? What? No. Okay. And where do you fall? Where do I fall on this? I say you let him bury it and then you dig it up. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:02 And then you feed them to the wolf. Yeah, I actually agree with you. I'm on the same page as you for a second. All right. What about you, Gilly? And what do you see? I would definitely let him feed them to any of my animals. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:12 For a pet would be absolutely fine by me. Yeah, a form of composting. Yeah. How about you, mud? I think you've paid for the funeral. You killed a man in self-defense who was an aggressive predator you're not allowed to bury on the ponderos land. Now, keep
Starting point is 00:36:30 in mind, the cartwrights don't let you build a house on the ponderosa. No. So, why are them going to let you bury a body, you know? Or maybe you got paid for it. You got to lease it. I like that his reasoning was, there's grass. There's sun. Couldn't find anywhere else with a tree. It's so beautiful with
Starting point is 00:36:48 the grass. Now, what if while he was digging that grave, he struck silver? Then they'd have a lot of problems. Uh-oh. That's the main reason you can't let people bury people on the Ponderosa. There's silver under that ground. Well, all right, but he agrees. He readily agrees.
Starting point is 00:37:03 Okay, no problem. I won't bury him. I'll go ahead and cover up this hole. And then there's a weird scene of him like moving dirt in a strange way with his shovel. Real strange way. Real strange. Yeah. Basically sweeping the dirt with his shovel.
Starting point is 00:37:15 Yeah, that's right. And staring straight ahead and smiling. And singing. It was like that movie smiled. The scary movie I tried to get you to see. Yeah, I ain't going to watch that one. Forget about it. Dead eyes and.
Starting point is 00:37:26 creepy smiles that was him why don't you watch the shining and he'll watch smile there you go no i don't watch any movie this is the only show i've ever watched from before 2020 i refuse to watch anything that was created before 2020 that's crazy that you're all wrong now uh all right hoss has a hard time sleeping that night so so perturbed by this killing how many people have been killed um manas up to now a couple hundred at least i was starting to say i wish we had kept a toll how many people the car rights have killed. There is a tell. It seems like they should be in jail.
Starting point is 00:38:02 Well, stay tuned, it's coming. But a horse rides, he just goes for a ride. And now he finds, what does he find that? Well, it looked to me like Clarence had defied his wishes
Starting point is 00:38:14 and gone and buried Arthur on the Ponderosa land. But that's not actually what happened. Oh, I thought he did. I think he complied with the not on our land, but he buried him by the, road side on the road that you have to take from the Ponderosa to Virginia City. I was confused by that.
Starting point is 00:38:31 I thought it was the same exact spot. It did not do a good job of just showing you what was a different. Now you're a critic, huh? Yeah. Okay. I mean, wait. Well, if I'm going to have to watch this stupid show, then yeah, I'm going to be critical. They did a nice job.
Starting point is 00:38:45 This is one of those episodes where I wish to God I did not know that it takes 36 hours to ride from the Ponderosa to Virginia City because it makes it impossible. to understand what happened in this episode. If only I thought that it took about 40 minutes, I think I'd understand this episode better. You know? Yeah, I know what you're saying.
Starting point is 00:39:06 No. It's best not to think about it. It's a shame. Some knowledge, what good, just knowledge when it brings no profit to the one that is wise. The whole time I watched this, I was just like, if someone had a cell phone,
Starting point is 00:39:18 this would all be so different if you want phones. That's right. So it's worse. It's way worse. I hear that from a lot of writers about it's difficult with cell phones now because, right, you can't have a scene where two people to come over, like nobody ever goes to nobody's house in a moment. To visit people. Oh, yeah. Oh, it's very, I hate it. Very often, I just go, fuck it. They're going to go visit. They're going to go visit. What am I supposed to do? Everyone's just on the phone the whole time.
Starting point is 00:39:44 This is a facie facer. Very interesting. Yeah. Yeah. It's a problem. Does it make you want to write more period pieces before cell phones? I, well, especially for scary movies. Like, you definitely feel like you want to do that. because there are so many problems that can't indeed be solved by a phone. There's only so many ways you can disable a cell phone and I feel like that's all been done. Well, now, I mean, frankly, I'm trying to write a new book right now and I keep going, no, because there's camera rings everywhere and like, you can't even commit a good murder anymore. Right. That's tragic.
Starting point is 00:40:16 That's problem. There should be more murder. It's just unfortunate. I don't know that that's what she's saying. What? That's what I said. It is what you say. I don't want to speak for you.
Starting point is 00:40:26 Yeah. We're on the same page. You guys are the weird one. What are you talking about? We know it's up. We can't be weird on our own podcast. Yeah, that's the problem. Every time somebody tries to commit a murder, it's like, well, we got you on the ring camera. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:41 We've seen you do it. We got the ATM video. Yeah. You walk past here. Like, yeah. It's a quick movie. I'll tell you that much. No mystery.
Starting point is 00:40:52 just an arrest. There must be, I bet you there's got to be some kind of technology of like a head-toe suit you could wear that makes you invisible to cameras.
Starting point is 00:41:00 You know what I mean? You don't think so? Oh my God. There's something there. Like it sends out of infrared. Yeah, like the thing or something. Yeah, or like the predator. Yeah, go ahead and wear something like that.
Starting point is 00:41:13 See how that goes for you. I'd like to see that. I also don't know why my version of the predator does it. I kind of go. That's what he did in the movie. No, he's waving in the air like that. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:28 Well, that's sad. You just made that creditor. That's right. Creditor, I said. Creditor. Well, that feels like that when they come for you. The creditor, I would watch that. Hey, man.
Starting point is 00:41:37 Put that on what you call him Saturday Night Live. That's the funny skits. I mean, that's basically what you're doing is the creditor because you're reading all the credits of some actors. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jesse Lee. Ventura is out there fighting with an alien from another planet that's coming after their money
Starting point is 00:41:59 for their overdue bills, the creditor. Oh, that kind of creditor. It's a modern... Boring. My version's better. People would laugh and laugh and laugh. You're 20 bucks overdue. Yeah, exactly. Am I right? Schwarzenegger and Ventura was in that together? Oh, sure, Bill Duke.
Starting point is 00:42:17 Oh, my God. Carl Withers. Carl Weathers, Shane Black. Oh. Oh, okay. What's that guy, Sunny? Sunny Corleone. That's it. Now we go to the saloon.
Starting point is 00:42:29 Poor Haas. He's seen the grave and he goes to his saloon and there is Clarence entertaining everybody with his guitar. And he's singing a funny song about something, I don't know. But he's charmed everybody in the whole Virginia City, hasn't he? Yeah, yeah. Just overnight. Everybody loves Clarence.
Starting point is 00:42:46 And Haas is upset. He didn't want him here anymore reminding him about it. killing his brother and then clarence starts singing a song about killing a cowboy and hoss can't take it anymore and they get into a little bit of a contra tombs there don't they but clarence keeps saying i forgive you i forget did you just speak french at me well but only in the sense of like a parley we're going to have a parley you'll do it twice i'll do it under specific circumstances specific is that french i don't know i don't think it is i'll say we're going to have a parley and we've we've come to contra I'll do those two
Starting point is 00:43:22 but that's just about it. You're up for a tete-a-tete. Sometimes there'll be a tete-a-tete. That's true. Yeah, but I don't consider that French. That's New Orleans talk. Oh, okay. I see.
Starting point is 00:43:35 It's grandfathered into our country. The Grand de Pelle. Well, yeah, host yourselves. We're like, go ahead and tell me that you hate me because I killed your brother. And he's just like, no, no, no, I forgive you. Everything's fine. Well, now at this point, you begin to maybe start to see
Starting point is 00:43:50 what the episode is about and why it's called the smiler. It takes me a while. Mostly because there's very little smiling. No, that's true. I guess when he was moving the dirt around, he was smiling. That's the only other time I can think of. They're like, this is the moment.
Starting point is 00:44:06 This is why the episode's called what it is. Yeah. Well, Clarence sets fire to his own wagon full of things he's trying to sell and runs it through town and everybody thinks it's a horse has done it. Everybody in Virginia City He hates Hoss Cart right now.
Starting point is 00:44:22 And Ben now, Ben gets involved and Ben tries to talk to Clarence, doesn't he? And Clarence says, your son is a violent man. And Haas says, no, he isn't he? But he is a violent man, isn't he? Yeah, he is. Hoss is a violent man. That's fair to say.
Starting point is 00:44:36 When provoked, I think there's an asterisk there. Oh, yeah. But he gets provoked a lot. He lives in the Wild West. Right. Right. Sometimes you have to solve problems with your fists, and Hoss understands that better than most.
Starting point is 00:44:49 Well, now we have. the widow McClure is at home trying her best to chop wood despite being a widow. She's got no man there. But Clarence comes along, and Clarence is so good at chopping wood. He can do it while singing. And he stopped by because he wants to find out, you as a witness to my brother's killing what you're going to say about it.
Starting point is 00:45:07 But she doesn't want to talk about it, right? So this is a scene where if she had, the episode would have been 19 minutes shorter. Because she does later, doesn't she? Yeah. Yeah, I was just like, pick up the phone, bitch. Like, call somebody. They don't have no phones.
Starting point is 00:45:28 They have to ride 36 hours to talk to the sheriff. Well, now what happens now? We got, oh, now we meet Skatman Crothers. And he seems like he's been there all for years. He's been their stable hand for years in there. And he's singing, nobody knows the trouble upstairs. Will we see him again? It sure seems like it at the end of this episode, right?
Starting point is 00:45:47 Mm-hmm. Well, the end of this episode. Can we establish real quick how many cats there are in this first time? We meet Scatman. How many cats? Yeah. I believe zero cats. I didn't see one cat.
Starting point is 00:46:00 I didn't see any reference to a cat. No discussion of cats. No discussion of cats. That's correct. No cats. Okay. This is a really important thing to say. This will come in handy later.
Starting point is 00:46:10 Yes. The cat business is an off-screen affair for the most part. I didn't think they did reshoots back then, but it feels like it. It seems like there. like a pregnant cat that walks by at some place. That would have made even in the background. I picked up a street. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:28 Something like that. Yeah. Yeah. I guess so. But I like the mystery though. But Scatman is singing nobody's seen the troubles. Nobody knows the trouble I've seen in Haas said, where's you learn that song? Because that's a very rare song. He was. He was. And that's who he learned it from. That peddler in town, the Clarence, the Smilers, where I learned it from.
Starting point is 00:46:49 and Haas says, don't sing it anymore. He doesn't even want to hear the song that the guy sings. Well, and I'm also like, express your emotions, buddy. Like, say why. Like, tell him it's because this guy's torturing you by singing the song at you. Yeah. You know, but instead he gave him no context. He's like, don't do that.
Starting point is 00:47:05 And I was like, well, that guy's not going to like you anymore. Yeah. They didn't, nobody would articulate emotions back then for any reason. This is kind of a Western tell-tale heart, you know? Oh, interesting. It just keeps haunting him and haunting him. Yeah. Through different ways, through the peddle.
Starting point is 00:47:19 learned through scatman but he was a self-defense killing i don't know why he doesn't just move on like everybody tells him to but now with the deputy comes down why was this not sheriff roy teal i don't know but it was a different actor as the deputy and he comes and says oh there's going to be an inquest and while we've learned about frontier justice there's an inquest to determine that a person has died and then there's a trial so they're only going to inquest but hoss is seeing all the way down the road he says oh i know what's going to happen oh widow mcclure's going to lie on the stand and I'm going to get hung for murder and Ben says everything don't worry everybody throughout this episode tells me everything's going to be fine but they're all wrong and uh now it's a
Starting point is 00:47:59 sunday happens and there's uh in the prison oh no in the church you got uh clarence is sitting next to the widow mcclure he's really cozyed up to her now and everybody hates hoss things are looking bad aren't they they turned on him quickly they did it almost seemed like a convenient plot device. I know it wasn't. Public sentiment turned swiftly against Haas. That is true. But now
Starting point is 00:48:26 the Sheriff Roy says I'm going to lock up Haas for his own safety here in the jail cell while the inquest is happening. That's the thing. And then between him saying that and him doing it, Clarence comes by to taunt Haas on the ponderosa. Clarence
Starting point is 00:48:41 knows Haas is alone on the ponderosa and he's taunting him and Haas is about to punch him. But he says, no, I'm not. violent man i'm not going to punch him so he slaps them really hard over the hitching pose enough to draw blood in his face i was like i don't think i've ever seen that i was like yes queen like a slap so hard you draw blood it was a front hand slap and a backhand slap yeah but it was clear he said i'm not an animal that punches people smack smack
Starting point is 00:49:13 this is also like the dark night where you just got the joker saying come hit me get me Get me, you know, I'm guilty. Get me, but taunting him, taunting. It's something else is eating at me, too. I know what it is. What? Dark Vader telling Luke, give him to the dark side. Who?
Starting point is 00:49:29 Dark Vader from Star Wars. Marky, you know, you must have seen Star Wars. I don't know that reference. I have to have seen Star Wars. No, never heard of that. Really? Never. Since 2020, you never seen a movie?
Starting point is 00:49:41 Never seen anything related to that. I'm going to show her the Star Wars movie. It sounds really bad. I'm going to show her. sure, Star War, and you're going to like that. You're going to watch. You're going to sit down to watch all 12 Star Wars movies right to second. I'm going to turn into The Smiler if you try and do anything like that.
Starting point is 00:49:58 It takes place in the future. You'll like it. No, it doesn't. Oh, all right. Well, now what happens is now we've got Clarence and McClure and he's basically trying to persuade her to, you know, cut my brother some slack and go ahead and lie at the inquest and say that he didn't do nothing wrong and she's all discombobulated it's not quite clear what she's going to do it looks like hoss's prophecy is coming true and ben drops in then drops out again what is ben in this scene
Starting point is 00:50:27 i don't know can i ask you real quick he whittles for a very long time in the scene and it looks like a very elaborate whittling that i like a bust of millard fillmore or something like he's whittling a stray cat that'll show up later also i was wondering if it was the apple is he whittling it out of the apple because he grabbed one of those massive apples size of a pumpkin these apples. I think that is what's happening. He's using his
Starting point is 00:50:55 little switchblade knife to carve an apple into a bust of Ms. McClure as a way of threatening her. He's like, my truth might be your truth, might be the truth. Like it's very existential.
Starting point is 00:51:13 It's like Western existentialism. Yeah, says the truth can be colored. And he's sort of like, what is truth, you know? What do we really know? While he's carving her out of an apple and you know he's going to then eat it. That's where the real threat comes in. Doesn't this look like you? Crunch.
Starting point is 00:51:31 Wow. That's terrifying. I'm going to try that. Next time I got a beef with you, I'm going to carve you into an apple. Oh, Jesus. Eat it in front of your face. That's what I'm going to do. So, okay.
Starting point is 00:51:43 She wants to go to the show. Sheriff, oh, but she tries to grab a gun. Most of them in her husband's a gun. But Clarence gets it away and fires at her. But he's a bad shot. He'd seem like he's... She's so stupid when she goes over to the fireplace. Victim blamings.
Starting point is 00:52:01 She's like, I'm going to make a fire. It's like at least for like one second pretend to make the fire so that you know he's watching you. Oh. And instead she just walks over the fire and then she leaps for the gun. And it's like, no, he was watching you. And he was so close, he even followed her over there. Exactly. She didn't glance over her shoulder.
Starting point is 00:52:20 She didn't even look. No. Also, I don't know if there's much a leap either. It's almost like, she's like, do, do, do you know, walking her little fingers. So slow. And then she kind of did that reach that the first guy did. Just spake in fire, not grabbing gun. Do you want to this?
Starting point is 00:52:38 Just some kindling, that's all. Nickel-plated 45 caliber kindling. keeping in this holster by the little some peanut butter from that apple shape like me I love a man that makes me out of fruit she doesn't get away with it though
Starting point is 00:52:56 he's right on her and he grabs a gun and he figures well if you're not going to lie for me at the inquest I have only one choice but to kill you and he tries but he's better singer than he is a shooter and she gets away and then they play hide and sake a little bit in the woods and she successfully alludes
Starting point is 00:53:12 him and then Ben the only thing she's ever done right hide behind a tree and keep her mouth shut that's about right now you're getting it yeah now Ben shows up what's Ben doing I forget Ben's whole thing is
Starting point is 00:53:28 I forget he's coming and going from all sorts of places it's hard to say yeah but now he arrives in the nick of time to save her from Clarence and what brings her into town something like that Ben arrives they ride to the sheriff Clarence oh and then Clarence, okay, Clarence tosses a gun into the cell.
Starting point is 00:53:49 He gives Hoss the gun without revealing that it was him to give to Hoss the gun. Now, a gun falls out of the sky into his jail cell, and he says, oh, good, now I can get out of jail. And that's what he does. It's unlike Hoss to do this. This does not check with his character. In any other episode, he would never break the rules like this. He'd fall in the leather. He'd start crying sooner than.
Starting point is 00:54:13 Yeah. But also, couldn't he just bend this? the bars. Right. He's so strong. Well, you've got to make him angry first. Right, right. Isn't the Hulk based on him?
Starting point is 00:54:23 See, I know the Hulk. A lot of, how do you know the Hulk? Because Mark Wahlberg. Or no, sorry, Mark Ruffalo. Oh, yeah. Ruffalo. And Mark Wahlberg. I love him too.
Starting point is 00:54:34 She loves my... His Instagram. I've never seen any of his movies. They're always telling me, can we go to Walburgers? At the airport. I love eating a celebrity chef places. Really? Where else do you go?
Starting point is 00:54:51 Anything by Guy Fiatty. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Diner's drive-ins. I appreciate you pronounce it the way he does. I get free delivery goop. I use your postmates. You don't even know you have a postmate's, but I use it to order.
Starting point is 00:55:03 Goop makes food? Yeah, goop makes food. Is it goopy? What is it? It's, yeah, it's all different like porages. It's all goopy food. Oh, gross. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:55:12 No, it's actually like world-class salmon. and quinole and stuff like that. World-class salmon? Yeah, I've been getting it postmated to your place. Where's world-class salmon come from? That's what Guerneth says. She calls it world-class salmon?
Starting point is 00:55:25 Yeah, she says world-class. I don't mean the expression. I mean, what body of water does world-class salmon come from? Oh, it's from the most pristine water in Lake Switzerland. That's what Gwenna says. Lake Switzerland or like Switzerland? What did you say? Lake Switzerland.
Starting point is 00:55:41 Oh, Lake Switzerland. That's one of the biggest lakes. So these are, yeah, all right, Lakewater Sammons. Swiss salmon. Yeah, you know. Swiss salmon. That Swiss salmon is unreal. A little later hose is.
Starting point is 00:55:54 With a chocolate. And a clock. Chocolate covered salmon. Boy, you'd make a million dollars. Oh, boy. That's just good. Sick. Well, Ben and McClure show up the sheriff's office and all is okay.
Starting point is 00:56:07 And it turns out that widow McClure's going to tell the truth. Arthur's grave. Oh, what? How did Haas end up in the old? Okay, when Hoss escapes from jail, he goes to the livery. He's going to ride out of Virginia City. But who's waiting for him there is Clarence one step ahead, conks him over the head, somehow drags him out to Arthur's grave,
Starting point is 00:56:27 ties him up to a tree, and keep in mind, this guy could not subdue a widow. That's true. The weakest of weak, a widow. He was able to carry Hoss all the way out to the roadside grave, where he's now tied hoss up to a tree and he explains to him that he's going to stage a self-defense killing of hoss. He's also half the size of hoss.
Starting point is 00:56:54 Yeah. Like easy half. Right. So I don't know, they should have showed us that process. It would have been entertaining to see him get him up there. Yeah. But that's it now. It's going off.
Starting point is 00:57:05 It's going to happen now. He's about to kill hoss. Nothing can save hoss. Unless Ben and the sheriff come along just in the nick of time. Which they do! It's incredible. And what do they do? Do they kill Clarence?
Starting point is 00:57:18 Right as he, we don't even see them, right? And he just rears up. He does his arm thing like his brother. And he's just shot. He's shot and killed. And nobody is torn up over that one. That doesn't bother anybody. Nope.
Starting point is 00:57:33 And now we go to the final scene, which is inexplicable. It inspires questions. But just before we get there. Wouldn't it have been something if there was. a third brother come to town saying oh you killed my brother but it's okay it's okay and it just kept going on that would have been another hour
Starting point is 00:57:51 Ben shoot him so now Ben has this heavy conscience and then that goes on and then Adam shoots that guy and then another brother comes and only this time it's a sister yeah then it just the show's already two and a half hours an episode you want to add another three hours
Starting point is 00:58:07 to it it's too short with commercials it's under and out I'd keep this episode going until the whole 36-hour roadway to Virginia City was full of gravestones the whole damn way. And we ride it in real time. Not a word spoken. Yeah. Okay, let's get to these cats.
Starting point is 00:58:24 Well, scatman Crothers is back for the little tag here. The giggle of the day. All four brothers were there. Catman Scrothers. Everything's happy now. Both Bowling Brothers is dead and everything's fine. And there's Scatman Crothers. He's got an adult cat
Starting point is 00:58:44 and a number of kitten cats in a thing. Tiny kitten cats fresh out the womb, right? And he says, I found this, I didn't know what I was getting into when I took in this stray cat. I guess I'll need to change the cat's name
Starting point is 00:59:00 now. And so he said, well, now why? Why is scatman? Grosers, you need to change the name of the cat? Because I've been calling her Sam. He thought it was a boy cat. Was Samantha not a name back there? Maybe not.
Starting point is 00:59:16 Apparently, no. And that's a big laugh, big enough laugh to go out on the episode. They could have freeze-framed that. That was an arms of Kimbo laugh. That was a whole, like, Kimbo. That was a whole, ho-ho, that was a ho-ho green giant life. This felt like they had just found a cat with kittens and said, let's shoot it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:38 You know? Yeah. We got 60 seconds left for this episode. So let's put it in. We've got to work them kittens into the episode, right? That's natural. Somebody involved with the show in some capacity had kittens. Enough time is best.
Starting point is 00:59:52 Would you consider ending one of your books that way? Yeah. I think that's the perfect way to it. People like it more than some of the current endings. People complain about the ending sometimes. Is that what they do? People complain in this world? Well, I get people who will stand in line to, you know, get a signing or whatever and just go.
Starting point is 01:00:11 slam the book down. I hated this book. You are fucking kidding me. I'm only here because my book club came. No. People are crazy. Jesus. You have every right to pull a hoss and kill that person.
Starting point is 01:00:27 Yeah. What are you supposed to write? I am sorry, Gillian Flynn. Give me their names. Sorry about the ending. I want you to know I will kill them for you. I'll find them. Oh, two of us are going to have some sort of spree.
Starting point is 01:00:46 I know. Can I come stay with you? I really hate it. No, you can't. I've got it. Please. No, you can't. She doesn't live anywhere near here.
Starting point is 01:00:55 All right. If you run away, though. Okay, great. I'll let you know. Oh, good luck running away from me. I ain't my brother. You never run away from me. Well, let's say here, was I going to, that's it.
Starting point is 01:01:06 That's the end of episode. And it sure seems like Skatman Crothers as a stable man Judd is going to be with for the rest of the life of the show, don't you think? Yeah. Have you checked on that? I have. And? This is his first of one episode. No. Yeah. He never comes back. Wow.
Starting point is 01:01:22 Yeah. That's happened before. Yeah. They've introduced a character and it's be like, okay, well, this person's here now. Or has been for the whole time. Yeah. But never has. They don't come back. I assume it was Scatman Cruthers who said, you know, I have an allergy to cats. I can't do the job.
Starting point is 01:01:40 Yeah, because every time they were. wanted to show him going forward he would be surrounded by full grown cat cats coming out of his pockets just covered cats each with gender neutral names right right to avoid confusion
Starting point is 01:01:52 well that's an episode and sadly now there's only 363 episodes left of Bonanza for us to talk about on this show oh my god kill me I know right it's not a lot we're turning through them giving how many
Starting point is 01:02:07 how many stars do you give this episode we've never done a rating before I got to take away one star because there were no hot air balloons. Yeah, I know. So on another star for no smiling, and they called it the smiler. Okay, that's fair. Very little smiling. So I get half for Scatman, so I'm going to go three and a half.
Starting point is 01:02:28 Three and a half stars, okay. We're out of five stars here is what we're doing. According to Gillian, yeah, she set the rate. So I'd take away one star for the inconsistency in Haas' character. but as ever I'd just give it 100 more stars for being Bonanza. Yeah, I do too. So 99 stars.
Starting point is 01:02:49 99 stars. No, 104 stars. Okay. 104 stars. I'm going to take the stars you guys have deducted and ate them to my time. So that's 100 some odd stars. How about you?
Starting point is 01:03:03 I'm going to take away one star for it being so fucking boring. I'm going to take away another star for it being. like 99% guys I'm going to take away another star for the plot being really bad and boring I'm careful because you're just down to two stars now and I'm going to take another star away
Starting point is 01:03:24 for the fact that we didn't get to see more of the kittens if most of the episodes was kittens I would have liked it and I'm going to take away another star just because you guys like it well Well, those were five illegitimate reasons to get rid of stars, so you're giving it five stars.
Starting point is 01:03:45 All right, last episode, what did you say? Anything left to tell us about Gillian? You won't tell us about anything people can check out or buy? Or complain about it. One of your signings. Luckily, I got none of neither. Feedback free. Thank you.
Starting point is 01:04:01 All right. Well, look, go read it. If you haven't read gone, girl, you're going to read that. What else is some sharpened knives? Sharpe those objects. Sharpen objects up. What else? What other butts are we going to buy from you?
Starting point is 01:04:16 You're working on something, huh? This is very exciting. I am working on something. And it sounds, I don't want to be a spoiler, but it sounds like you mentioned a death in there. Yeah. That's exciting. Death and a twist?
Starting point is 01:04:27 What? Oh, shit. It's like a dinner in a movie for me. All right, well, I'm going to read it when that comes out. All right, folks, that's a bananas for Benangelo. Thanks for being here. Now get. Bye now.
Starting point is 01:04:40 Bananas for Bonanzas for Bonanza is brought to you by Andy Daly with Matt Gorman. Theme song by Matt Gourley, with The Journey, which in this case are Mark McConville, Daniel Mitchie Cuff, and Wade Wright. Bananas for Bonanza is mixed and edited by Mark McCombie, executive produced by Andy Daley and Matt Gordley. We'll see you around. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore? FIS is 100% online, so you can make the switch in minutes.
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