Bonanas for Bonanza - Bonanas For Bonanza Episode #71: “The Burma Rarity”

Episode Date: October 29, 2025

Subscribe to The Andy Daly Podcast Project at Patreon.com/AndyDaly America's sweetheart Andy Richter joins Dalton and Mutt to discuss Bonanza Season 3, Episode 5, 'The Burma Rarity,' a classic switcheroo comedy caper that features a Playboy playmate, a poor man's Bud Abbot and a never-before-heard dialect of Britain. Plus, Ben Cartwright narrowly avoids female companionship!     Featuring Andy Richter & Matt GourleyMerch: redbubble.com/people/ADPodProject/shopMail: PO Box 9407 Glendale, CA 91226Email: [e-mail]’s website: andydaly.comRecord date: 1/30/2025 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're about to listen to Bananas for Bonanza episode 71, which was released to our Patreon subscribers on February 12th, 2025. This is Andy Daily. Here on this free feed, we release an episode of Bananas for Bonanza every other week. If you want to hear them earlier and add free, please subscribe to patreon.com slash Andy Daily. You'll also find the entire archive there, as well as two bonus podcasts, access to the discord, and more.

Subscribe today. And now enjoy this episode of Banerner. Manas for Bonanza. I'm Bananas for Bonanza Here we go, starting with a Yeah, ha! It's bananas for bananas. Pew, pew, pew, beautiful, bringing the pew-pues.

That's our guest today, that's Andy Richter. Hello, everybody. You've been here one time beforehand? I have, I have. Oh, more than that. Oh, no, I think, what? No, just a Bonanza, I was just here. I've only been here.

once. Yep. He's been our guest on bananas. The one time outside? Outside, yes. Folks, this is bananas for bananas. What are we doing? This is the number one podcast in the world that talks about Bonanza, the television program, which is the number one television program of all time. Yeah. These frankins are available. In a deep rivalry with the gun smoke gang, fuck that. Really? Is that for sure? The Deadwood Boys and the Gunsmoke I just made that up. You're the Deadwood Boys? Well, I'm not.

Oh, I see. Yeah, fuck them too, man. The Gunsmoke gang. The Rifleman crew, there's no good arwin. Roused about. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's what they would be. Well, if those podcasts exist, I'm going to kill them all.

No, I really would. Murder. It's 205. You can. I think so. Vengeable killings are all the rage. Finally. Yeah, right?

Why not? Well, let. Hey, but we're talking about season three, episode five of our show. Yes. Bonanza, which is called the Burma Rarity. Yes. And I really wondered, what could that refer to? Me too.

That's like a good 70 spy novel, the Burma Rarity. Yeah, yeah. But what is it? I mean, it didn't make any sense to me. And then finally it did. Boy, that was exciting when it did. This episode has everything. It has all four cartwrights.

It has two women with speaking parts. it has hop sing with i don't know if he had a line no hopsing didn't say anything no something yeah something upsetting probably if he did say anything why did they go to the trouble to have hopsing there he didn't get to say nothing i think he just put food down and like that's about right and then he got a compliment for his cooking of course yeah yeah man and it's got madcap hijinks this episode does that i defy anybody to watch and not laugh at and even if you don't laugh the music tells you you when to laugh so you just it's like a paint by numbers it's brilliant it's art you could show

this to anybody in any culture from any time in history and they'd bust a gut wouldn't they right a yonamami would go that's intended to be comedic and then they blam his head off but what's a yonamani a yonamami is a native uh what i think uh um um on the amazon oh oh okay it's a tribe on the amazon It's a tribe on the Amazon. That's what I'm saying. They don't even need to speak a language. Are they still native? I mean, yeah.

Oh, are they still like primitive? Of course they're still native. Nope, they all move. They're in Ukraine now. No, I think they're still pretty primitive. I think that like the Brazilian government is very protective of a few of those tribes. I mean, they're probably wearing, you know, Chicago Bulls. Right.

NBA champions three-peat T-shirts, but, you know. Yeah, they can get Taco Bell door dashed over there, too, if they want. I mean... By a hummingbird. Beautiful. Hey, this episode aired on October 21st, 1961. You want to hear some things about what was going on in the country at that tag? Yeah, yeah.

Well, the number one movie was Breakfast of Tiffany's. Oh, speaking of Hoping. Yes, speaking of racist. Oh, wow. Well, I don't agree with you there. I think breakfast of Tiffany's is is a wonderful movie except when Mickey Rooney is not on screen

because he brings That's your favorite part That's my favorite part It's so funny It's so funny And people love that movie Oh yeah Until just recently

Everybody started to say Oh well well He should have had a real Japaneseman Or something like that Yeah yeah Whatever it is He's what And Mickey Rooney didn't understand

He said in an interview in 2008 He said in 40 years he's never heard one complaint about his performance. Mickey Rooney said that? Yeah, he did. Mickey Rooney regularly going out solicited critiques and complaints. Well, here's a direct quote, Asians and Chinese come up to me and say, Mickey, you were out of this world. Mickey also said that a busboy once turned into Jesus in front of him.

Yeah. A beautiful Mexican busboy. and then how suddenly he was the face of Jesus and I knew I had to be a Christian. Well, I guess it must be true. Why would he lie? I don't know. But that's anyway, did you know when the first promotional materials for the movie

didn't advertise that Mickey Rooney was going to play the role? They said it was an up-and-coming Japanese comedian named, Oh, boy. Oh, no. Ohio Aragatu. Hello, and thank you. So somebody in the press office at that movie studio only knew those words in Japanese, I guess. Wow.

Wow. Well, the name is sushi tariaki. Something like that. Wow. Well, the number one country song is still walk on by by Leroy Van Dyck and hit the road, Jack, is still the number one song in the country. That's no change from last week. Great Charles, you know, Ray Charles. And the celebrity birthday born on this day, October 21st, 1961 was, Demetri Vassalakis, a Greek jazz saxophonist.

That's exciting, right? Yeah. Yeah, that's the biggest. It's amazing. It should have been Vassasakus. Vasis? Yeah, yeah, for sacks. Vassusaxus.

He should have just changed it. I wonder if he put out an album, Vassal Saxis. Man, the Greeks, they know their jazz, man. I'll tell you that. Yeah, the saxis. It sure is. Speaking of a native, that's a native Greek instrument, the saxophone. It sure is.

Before, before we get into fun facts about people who was in this episode, describe for me, again, we probably covered it last time, but your level of fandom of Bonanza and how much you love it and how much it's meant to you and change your life. Well, I used to watch it as a child. It was on in the afternoons, syndicated. Oh, yeah. And I think that it appeals to the boy in all of us because of its absence of female anything.

It really is like a world with, it's like Johnny Quest. Like it's just a world with no women, no moms to tell you what to do. Just boys wearing vests. I never thought of it that way. By the way, my niece Marcus sometimes joins us for these, but she claimed to be blind this morning. So she said she couldn't watch this episode. Blind, huh?

That's what she said, but she's looking at her phone all day, too. So I don't know whether it would have made her blind. Maybe this would do it. Yeah. Anyway, she's... The blue light got her. Keep her in your prayers. She's gone blind.

Okay, let's get to some fun facts about people involved in this episode. It was directed by William Whitney, who is, once again, Quentin Tarantino's favorite director. Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah. I remember you said that. He does a bunch of these, and he does, uh, He's, William Whitney is famous for having a reinvented the way that action happens on screen. Including this episode?

I guess so. Okay. In what sense? That I guess prior to William Whitney, you, they, what did they do? They just put the camera up someplace that could see everything all at once. And he's the first guy to say, let's go over here and see what's happening over here. Let's go over here or something like that. Did I write a minute?

I don't know about that, though, because when you think about, like, like John Ford movies. I mean, there's a lot of cutaways on, you know, that stage coach sequence, you know. Are you talking about just getting up in the action as opposed to? Here, I'm going to read what it said on Wikipedia. Whitney is credited with devising the modern system of filming fight scenes in segments rather than continuously from start to finish.

Oh, that's a different thing. Is that different? Yeah, it is. Okay. Well, let's see how he's doing it. No. So he's famous for that. and Quentin Tarantino loves him.

Now, we got this episode starred Beatrice K as Clementine Hawkins, the widow. Is she truly an English woman? Oh, no, sir. Okay. I don't know why she did a British accent. She's from New York. And her claim to fame, she was a vaudeville. Wait, was that accent British?

I think he, well, the only reason I think it was British is because, like some sort of bird. I don't know what it I don't know what you would say it was but when Adam impersonated her he did a British actor and boy that was rough in its own right I know but it was better than hers I don't know it seemed like he may be

you know he wasn't present for her scenes right or no I guess he was the first encounter there's no excuse well she was a vaudevillian and a singer and her big thing was she sing hits of the gay 90s Oh, such as my mother was a lady and mentioned my name in Sheboygan

And she was on Now I did a little bit of a deal I got a little bit lost She was on a cartoon show Called Calvin and the Colonel You remember in the early radio days There was a show called Amos and Andy

Yeah, yeah And it was two white guys Mm-hmm Trying to sound like two black guys Yes And they got it in a little bit Some people didn't like that No

Same goddamn thing as goddamn Andy Rooney. Right. So I'm sure that black people came up to them all the time. Yeah, and they said, you are amazing. You guys are out of this world. Out of this world. I think it was Mickey Rooney because Andy Rooney probably would have complained about it. Andy Rooney?

Well, Andy Rooney did a lot of black face stuff. People don't remember 60 minutes. But so what they did was they came up with a cartoon show where they did the same voices, but one of them was a fox and the other one was a bear. see how that gets around the problem wow and then everybody wins and is happy and were they the same comedians that played annes and that wow yes they were wow they created it too and she was the sister-in-law of the fox wow i bet she was a battle axe yeah she had the curlers and her hair all yeah that's always good stuff yep well she retired from show business uh and then she opened a dude ranch but it burned down oh and so she had to go back to performing. And you can see it in her later performances. She'd rather be on that dude ranch.

Is this one of those post-dud ranch performances? I think it may be. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, well. She seemed to be having fun. Yeah.

She did fun. Yeah. Certainly doing her thing. Yeah. She made Lauren Green nervous with her aggressive with her aggressive sexuality. Yeah. Yeah. He really didn't want anything to do it.

Yeah. He was the nervousest man. Dickie. Yeah. Goody. We had the blonde three-card Monty girl, the shell game girl. Yeah. She's been on the show before.

We talked about her before. Her name is Joan Staley. She was the Playboy Playmate of the month, November, 1958. Whoa. Yep. And she's... That's when they had hair. As God intended.

As God intended. And queer God intended. Yeah. All over their nipples. That's what's beautiful. beautiful, beautiful. She is in Breakfast and Tiffany's. She's the blonde and the low cut cream dress is what she's credited. Wow. I'll take his word. Something to tell the kids. Yeah. She had a terrible horse riding accident in 1966 and gave up acting, but then she and her husband

managed Mel Tourmet. Wow. I know. Wow. A husband and wife management team. I like that. I like that too. Well, Mel Tourmet takes two. That is not a boy. person job is 24 hours. They also had to put him to bed and tuck him in and act like a mom and a dad and make him some soup and such. You know, take him to the doctor. Ah, the velvet fog. Oh, yeah. She said he hated that nickname, by the way. Did he really? She didn't say that. Yeah, she didn't. He didn't, uh, he didn't give himself that nickname. Somebody else did. I just learned that Barbara Stanwick's agent was Zepo Marx. Oh, wow. What the fuck? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's why when he stopped performing, he became a

agent but i didn't know he was an a list or agent you know and i think gummo was too really yeah both of them went went agent they turned agent yeah it happens yeah that sounds that sounds pretty good i'd like to have an agent get on phone with them that make you laugh i know wouldn't that be funny yeah but those were not the funny ones oh they were this like wasn't uh what's his name zepo was he the happy or the handsome one zepo was the handsome one but everybody said off camera he was just as funny, if not funny than the other son. But I think because he was handsome,

he's relegated to the straightman. Right, right. Straightman. Tell me, it's been a crutch my whole life. I should have said a curse. A curse. Poor Andy. It's a crutch and a curse.

You're winning good looks. Incredible good looks. Yeah, poor man. Well, uh... Now, I'm just going to look wistfully off into the distance for the rest of the podcast. Well, that doesn't work for us because it's a podcast. Oh, right.

Joan Stanley, She, prior to her death in 2019, she was the last surviving cast member of the ghost and Mr. Chicken. Wow. That's what it says on Wikipedia. What year does she die? 2019. Whoa. Wow.

Wow. She's old then. Yeah, she got damned old. Henry Morgan was played by Wally Brown. Oh, this is a weird thing. Like three of the guys in this episode was part of comedy duos. And he's one of them. He was in, did you know there was a poor man?

Abin and Costello. I guess. Well, Abin Gostello were very highbrow. Yeah, I know. Very much a rich man's act. What were they called?

Brown and Carney. And it wasn't Art Carney. R.K.O. wanted their own Abin and Costello, so they put this guy, Wally Brown, together with Alan Carney. Now, which one is Wally Brown? Is he the one that was running for mayor?

Henry Morgan, which one was that? No, not that guy. He was one of the The Shaisters. Yeah, he's one of the shysters. He was the shyster without the mustache. Okay. Yeah, that's right.

They had a movie called Zombies on Broadway, starring with Bella Lagosia. I like both of those things. I know zombies and Broadway. Yeah. Oh, this is funny. Well, he died of a throat hemorrhage at the age of 57. That's kind of funny. What is that?

What is that? A throat hemorrhage, I know. I never heard of that way that. Your throat just opens up? I guess so. Splits. I don't know. Oh, my God.

I don't know what it is. Maybe he got punched in the neck. Oh, geez. Or it's probably some smoking-related thing. Oh, that's probably, right. Maybe it's a sword-swaller. He was a Carney. Is he the Carney?

No, he's the Brown. Okay. Yeah, but this is the best part. Alan Carney, his partner, died of a heart attack at the age of 63 from the- This is the best part. This is the best part. From the excitement of winning the Daily Double at Hollywood Park Rastray. Oh, my goodness.

That can really happen to you. Good news can kill you. Wow. I know. I've heard like you can die of a broken heart or be scared to death, but you can die from winning. He won the daily double. He probably was like, my funeral is paid for. I've been waiting on it.

Now I can die. Oh, my God. Get the walnut coffin. Oh, my God. We can afford it. I bet then everybody tried to take his winning ticket. I know, right? Yeah.

He's clutching a winning ticket. He said, I want the daily door. And then he dies. What happens to the ticket? Well, you know, that's, I mean, it just reminds me of Albert Brooks's father, you know. Uh-huh. He got on. On stage at the Friars Roast.

Right. After killing, apparently. That's right. Is this in your book? Killing them. Yeah, yeah. Somebody sent us a book about everybody that's died on stage over the years. Oh, wow.

What a good book. Do you know what the most dangerous? You're most likely to die on stage if you do blank, gentlemen. Oh, wow. You're most likely to die on stage. Conduct an orchestra. That's exactly right. How'd you know then?

I don't know. I just thought about on stage. Yeah. I mean, obviously it wouldn't be like night throwing because that's too obvious. Too obvious. But like what, yeah, what would be the most active thing? You're old. You have long white hair, but you're bald on top.

That's the pre-conductor. Yeah. And I bet the orchestra just keeps going. Yeah. They don't need that son of a bitch. Yeah. And that's what they. That's probably.

Yeah. But do they just start? playing taps right away. Automatically. They probably hurry and rush a backup conductor up there because then people will know that dude's just waving his arms. Exactly. Do you know what I recently learned this in an orchestra?

You know how they got a thing in front of them, you know, a lot of the time. That's got written on it what they're playing. Like the parts that they're playing on their instruments is written on paper. yeah in front of him so what's that guy doing nothing he's sitting the rhythm right the tempo somebody could tap their foot yeah right get a man he's yeah and inspiring bradley cooper yeah that's right yeah yeah they gotta do that somebody's got to inspire him absolutely yeah well anyway you're going to die but i did read his next thing is like zamboni drivers oh that's the next thing you know my friend matt's wife amanda her grandma was uh air

to the Zamboni family. Really? Joan Zamboni. Oh, that's fantastic. Isn't that great? Wait a minute. That's a person's name? Joni Zamboni.

Yeah, the Zamboni is like... That's fantastic. Johnny Zamboni. But I thought it is just a coincidence that it's Zambonis the ice? What? No, the name of the machine was named after the... Automata Pia. Yeah.

No, it is. Zamboni is named after the man that invented it. Damn, that Ice Dunn bin Zamboni. Uh-huh. By the way, that Matt's... wife is a step-air, so she ain't seen a red scent of this. And Boney Yeah. That's too bad.

You know, bitch. One icy scent. That's where the money is, man. How do, how do, why doesn't it smash through the ice? Could you ask that grandmother? Well, I think it's a big fat

vehicle coming around. Does it go on a lake? I think it's just in a rink. It's right over boards. Yeah. What? Yeah, the ice is on top of the board. You got a lot to learn about ice sports. If you want to have ice rink like if they do ice capades at the staples center they got a fill in like a big lake full of water and freeze just the top yeah just no they just put it no but there yeah but there's not a dead space in between where there's fish swimming around you can't there's not fished no you can't go ice

fishing at an hour of ice capade show I think and think you can see the markings of the court underneath the ice that's how thin the ice is well then the goddamn basketball court's gonna get all wet Yeah, no, they put something on top of the belt. Or you know what? They actually, I think they dismantled the basketball court and then put the ice on top of the cement-based floor of the stadium. That's not ice. It's got to be on top of a pond, man.

This is ridiculous. I'm learning all kinds of things I didn't expect this reaction at all. I'm angry about it. That's one more thing that woke has done to us. I know. Ain't it the truth? You're trying to tell me it's. a layer of ice with no water under it.

That's what you're trying to tell me. Ice is water. That's what I'm saying. Yes. Put some water under that ice. God damn it. I ain't never seen an ice without water under it. Jesus Christ.

What about ice? Disney on ice exciting if it was possibly crashing through. I know. What about ice on a road? There's no water under ice on a road. Well, that's because it's on a road. Well, this ice is on a cement platform. That's not a road.

anyway irrefutable Dave Willick played Phil Axe I think he was the other swindler and he was in the comedy duo of Willick and Carson

and also went on to be a foil in so many seven Jerry Lewis movies including the Geisha Boy you ever see the Geisha Boy I never have seen the Gisha Boy that's we're getting into

similar territory as Mickey Rooney there but was he in ladies man yep Who was he in that? I don't know. But it says he is a minor foil in seven different Jerry Lewis movies. I just watched that.

Oh, you did. Well, all right. Okay. Nestor Pava, who played Chief Crazy Fox. Boy, that was funny. Oh, it was so funny. What a turn there. It was so funny.

And it made so much sense. Yeah, right? It made so much sense. That's what I loved about it too. Yeah, sometimes they'll do something that doesn't make sense just for the sake of getting a laugh. Yeah. This had the laugh and the foundation. Yes.

Oh, it was beautiful. Boy, it was perfect. What was the actor's name again? Nestor Pava. Nestor Pava. All right, so he's a Latino at least. Yeah, that's true. That's a good point.

He was in two creature from Black Lagoon movies. He was also in a movie called They Saved Hitler's Brain. Oh, that's quite a filmography. I'd like to see that young Frankenstein. Oh, he was in Jesse James meets Frankenstein's daughter, a movie in which Jesse James It's just a lot of shitty monsters. That's great. The only problem with that movie is that at no time does Jesse James meet Frankenstein's daughter.

We saw that movie. Yeah, we did. And it's called Jesse James meets Frankenstein's daughter. That just doesn't happen to happen in the movie. Otherwise, it's a perfect film. It's the original twist. That's M. Knight-Sammalon's first movie. It just doesn't happen to happen.

It probably happened after the title sequence. After the end of credit. Oh, after the end? It was a post-credit thing. Yeah, it was on. Instagram. God damn it. You're probably right. That does make sense. What's your name? Darla James. Well, hello. I'm Frankenstein. And who are you? I'm Thanos. Yeah. He was in movies. I was a shoplifter. Don Winslow of the Coast Guard and he stayed for breakfast.

Oh. Three great movies. What else did I want to tell you about? I watched a lot of I was a shoplifter. Don't ask me why. Okay. The insurance man was also in a comedy duo called the Happy Chappies. Oh, with Nat Bubbles Vincent. Another job that Nestor Pava had, I almost forgot to tell you about. He was the model for the hag in Snow White. He was? He was. Wow. Because back Oh, you mean in the mirror? No, that's the. When Snow White becomes a girl lady with the apple, that was Nestor Pava. Because they used to. to film them and then trace those drawings. That's why they look so...

No, I meant the head that's in the, you know... No, that's just... Tell me... The mirror. Yeah, but there's a face in it. Yeah. But it's a dude. That's not him.

Oh, that's not him. He's the hag, you're saying. Uh-huh. Oh, you said the hag. The hag. I thought you said the head. Oh, no, the hag. Yeah.

He's an old witchy hag. Oh, wow. Isn't that stranger? How come they don't... We're always talking about we're going to do live action versions of our classic animated film. Why don't they just release the live action film they've fucking made in the first goddam place goddammit edit that together

we get to see Nishtra Pava give a poison apple to yeah there you go oh shit all right let's get to the goddamn episode yeah we gotta hurry all right this episode starts hoss can smell hop sings biscuits a mile away he runs into the house to eat some of them biscuits

and then we learn that we learn right away Ben has a friend who sent him a piece of mail that tells them two guys are coming to town I vouched for them. They're wanting to buy some property. And he says, okay, I got to figure out where these guys are going to stay. And then all of his son start teasing him about Clementine.

Right. He says, I find a place. And they say, well, Clementine's is the best. He's like, no. Yeah. They're like, well, it turns out half the town has been trying to get Ben Cartwright together with Clementine, whatever her name is. She's a widow. Yeah.

I mean, what is the problem? And he is terrified. Yes, he's terrified. terrified he ain't dating anyone else i know you know sell while you can you are not for all markets you know he did there's no explanation as to what his objection is to the window no i mean i i i think she's a bit much yeah i get it oh yeah no she's a hand for sure get it yeah yeah but like i says he's sleeping alone every night maybe he just wants it that way it sure seemed that way he seemed scared of girls well they did mention that he that she was interested in rearranging the furniture

which is a very masculine concern. Yeah, oh, that's true. That made it bad. That's what most men who are afraid of women are concerned. That is my number one. She's going to come in here and want to move the sofa. That's my number one for you. Yeah, right?

You get everything just where you want at the chairs and tables. Yep, not a woman comes in. Absolutely. Yeah, every time. Doilies on every surface. Of course. Doilies on doilies. Even the doilies have doilies.

Well, so they ride in, Ben and Adam do to go talk to her about this. You know, her house, her living room is the same set that they usually use for the hotel lobby. Yeah. That's how you know. Oh, really? Was it really? Oh, nice. Usually people are fighting here.

Right. Exactly. But her husband was a circus strong man and her living room is like a lobby is like a museum of him. Yeah, including his shorts. Yeah. It's like his singlet is hanging on the wall. And at one of the points where she makes, it was very. this is this director apparently

really putting in some you know psychological stuff when she makes one of her most forward passes at Lauren Green he's standing right next to those pink shorts you know yeah like and it's like

that's where the husband's genitals were right she's getting all horned up and he's getting nervous oh my goodness she's mounted his genitals to the wall yeah yeah Big game prize. Right.

He's next. She wants his cup of gullies. Yeah. Right. And going to make him take off that fringy vest. Yeah. Beautiful. You guys.

Oh, you show her his fringy best. Yeah. Oh, beautiful. And his happy, chappy, sir, happy. How excited. His flappy chappies. Now Ben runs into Sam, who's running to be reelected as mayor.

And Sam is also the land commissioner. he's talking to him about these guys who are coming to town to get a piece of land. Right. And then he goes and talks to the banker about the same thing. Now, Sam, I think they call him Smiley Sam at some point. I think the joke is that he's the least charismatic person in town. Yes. But it's a, it's a, it's, um, it seems like an unprofessional performance.

It's a very, it's a very strange choice. Like, it's like an affectless sort of delivery, but it's never really like delivered enough that we get the gimmick. It just seems like every time he talks, it's like, well, that was weird. They just pull this guy off the street. Yeah, yeah. To say these lines. Yeah. Unlike the offbeat sort of Willie Nelson timing, you know, like always behind the beat, you know.

Right. And like he's doing it at gunpoint is kind of how it felt too. Well, okay. Now, Sam and Harry discuss the parcel of land. They're going to sell to Ben's friends. And you knew once Lauren Green, what's his character's name? Ben Carlin. Ben, once Ben tells this guy, you know something's going to have,

but that guy's, oh, he's going to do something. Oh, yeah. That bench had just kept it under his, you know, under his belt. Yeah, these rich dudes are coming. Then we have a strange montage with music and no dialogue where the guys, Harry and Sam, arrived. Well, Harry and Sam are the bankers, and then the two fellas arrive, and they meet Clementine, and then somehow all five of them ride off together.

I don't know why she's coming along to survey the land, but they arrive at sunny acres. This is the, and they, oh, this is where, okay. So much gets revealed here. They want to buy a piece of land for $25,000, right? And they have an emerald, a huge emerald that's worth at least $50,000, but they're willing to let it go for $25,000 just so they can buy this piece of property for $25,000. They're going to give it to these two bankers. It's easier to travel with an emerald than with a substantial amount of cash. Yeah, okay. I buy that. Now, in comes Clementine saying, well, maybe I'll buy that emerald off of you. And she says, I've got $15,000. I'll borrow $10,000 from the bank. I'll buy the emerald for you. I'll turn around and sell them $50,000. It's complicated stuff. Yes. But I think I did a beautiful job explaining it. All right. So that's what's going to happen. So now we see a see where they give her, they sell her the emerald. And they give her a fake emerald, a glass.

replica, which she can keep in a display case with an informational card next to it. Which would give me pause. Yes. Why is that necessary, sir? You've just sold me the real Emerald. Why are you so concerned about where I will display and the safety of it? Exactly. And it does give Clementine pause.

It sure does. We find out later. She knows that the fix is in and she sneezes and both emeralds drop out of our sight for a moment. And, you know, I guess we find out later. what happened but then the swindlers get hold of the emerald two emeralds and they drop them both and then that happens there's a double switch there's a double switcher room which therefore keeps the real emerald the real emerald so she their plan was to stick her with just the

what their plan was to stick her with the glass two glass emeralds yes and she did a switcheroo already, so they couldn't do that. Right. We are not supposed to know that yet, I don't think. That gets revealed to us later, even though. It's a little convoluted, I got to tell you. I mean, they have to introduce the concept of a glass emerald, so they have to make that part of the pitch. Yeah.

Yeah. You know, right. But it would, I don't know, it just seemed, well, I don't know. I thought it was perfect. I thought it was perfect. Okay. I thought it was easier. Okay.

Yeah. And you do have a hard out. I wasn't thinking that. Now, we've got plenty of time, don't we? Morgan reminds Axe. Okay, yeah, this is when the two swindlers are alone and they tell one another about all the evil things they're up to. And we find out that they've pulled this con a bunch of times and they have $125,000 now. And then we got Sam and Harry arrive at Hawkins.

Oh, this is also confusing. Oh, God, I don't even want to get into it. They got the real estate transaction has to wait until tomorrow. morning. Okay. So now the bankers show up with the deed for Sunny Acres and they're going to and the but the guys are gone. The swindlers have left, but they say they'll be back very soon. And they took their wagon. Yes, they took the banker's wagon and two horses. Yes. And they have left. And as far as they're concerned, they're done. Right. They're leaving town with the real emerald and her. $15,000 or $20,000, $25,000?

No, her $25,000 because she got the $10 from the bank too. She did. Okay. So they had $25,000. Now. And then they make those guys put up stakes like that I didn't understand. Why punish those? Why?

Just to be dicks, I think. Yeah, I guess. Yeah. Because they weren't intended on coming back. That's right. They were just keeping their bankers busy putting up parcels of land, which Haas sees the bankers do. Comes home and tells bed.

And then Ben says, but, but it floods every spring. And so the land that the bankers is selling the swindlers is bad land. So the bankers is swindlers themselves. And Ben says, oh, no, I let me go to Clementine and tell Clementine. I would tell her, don't tell these guys, don't transact this transaction because the land floods. And then she says something about the Emerald that makes him say, wait a minute, this is a scam. Because she says, I bought this a half price and I'm going to sell a 100% profit. And there's emerald.

And Ben's something's a problem. Right. That's a fake emerald. It's a fake emerald. It's this scene where she says, I'm going to serve you a piece of cake, not like your celestial chef makes. Also,

because the reason that Ben is on the emerald is because he contacts the judge that recommended them in the first place who says, I was a victim of this bait and switch thing with a fake emerald. So that's why Ben knows that there's a fake. That Clementine's Emerald is a fake. Okay. So, but now this is the most confusing scene of a handful of confusing scenes. Ben goes to Clementine's house.

She knows. She, he believes she has two glass emeralds. And he wants to stop the appraiser from appraising them and finding out their fakes. For what reason? To save her embarrassment? I guess so. She's in there with the appraiser who's looking at the emerald. and Ben thinks he's looking at a fake emerald

and he doesn't want that to happen. Is this the most confusing episode we've ever covered? I think it could be because it's a switcheroo episode. Yeah, yeah. It's a heist. Now, I also find my, well, no, you go ahead. I was just going to explain that Haas and Joe are outside appearing through the window.

A peepin. Watching Ben trying to get the emerald out of her hands so that she can't hand it over to the. the appraiser and then they formulate a plan. It's a flinzy plan. It's a ridiculous plan. Their plan. But a solid script. And then their plan is

you shoot out the lights and then I'm going to jump through the window and steal it and their dad instantly perceives what their plan is and covers up for them. And approves of the plan. Yeah. It's the craziest plan of all time. I'm going to fire a gun

through this window to shoot the light. At three people. It's a genetic plan that they share the same DNA so they understand the plan. Yeah, they do that all the time. We're out of sugar. I'll shoot out the light and act like I'm a robber. You don't need to tell me I'm your father.

Of course you would. It doesn't work because she immediately... Oh, well, because Haas leaves his hat behind and who's hat could it be with Hosses is like? And she knows. Yes. And then she leverages it to feed her hungry vagina. That's right. She gets some blackmail going she says yeah she says I your boys shot my light and broke through my window and

I know it was them I know it was them but I'd never tell the sheriff on family that's how that's what Ben knows that's it yep he's been ensnared and by the way that problem that doesn't really actually get resolved no oh well that's sort of kind of sort of but not really yeah yeah all right now we got burst me but what the hell okay well we know what happens Haas and Joe think they have taken a phony emerald but they have stolen a real emerald worth $50,000. And now Ben knows that because the appraiser says so. And now Ben says, oh, darn it.

Now the boys are sleeping outside. A few times we've ever seen a dog on this show. Oh. A dog. Well, they're sleeping outside because they're going to try to find the swindlers and a dog wakes them up. You know what? I think I know why there's never been a dog

because it makes it makes little Joe break into uncontrollable gigginess that he wakes up in a minute it was like a dog ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha that's true

he loved that dog but Haas doesn't feel the same way host is tired he doesn't want to be awakened by it he wants some grub that's right well one of the most one of the best words for food

grub grub I smell grub Well, he throws the, huh? Vittles. Vittles. Yeah. He throws the emerald to get the dog away from him. That's a $50,000 emerald, and you're using it as a fetch ball.

Oh, I was a nervous wreck. Luckily, the dog brings it back. Now, who's making that grub, but Chief Crazy Fox? Yeah. Who is a Native American people's person? Crazy Laika Fox. Oh, he left out the Laika. You're right.

Yeah. And he runs a concession stand that's a lot. the stage coach route and he sells all sorts of goo gauze and not right knots and they want to trade this glass emerald so they think right for a helping of stew yeah and and so they talked to him insensitively yes like he's using words like heap yeah yeah were they passing it off as the glass emerald or the real emerald they thought it was the glass emerald but they're trying to get him to think that it's something worth so they were scamming him grub a little bit yeah at some point

Joe says you got them trust me I don't that seems unkind well they said and they also said that it was powerful medicine oh yeah yeah cure thing right right right but it turns out the chief crazy fox uh speaks fluent he's got a British accent too sure does transatlantic at least at least He speaks better English than everyone on the show. He's been to and currently teaches elocution school. Yes, that's right. But he does a thing where he pretends to be all whatever.

Pretty great for the tourists. He was the highlight. He was pretty good. All right. So now that's happened and that's it. The actual $50,000 gem is in this pile of rocks with Chief Crazy Fox. That are heap cheap. Heep cheap.

What does that mean? Very cheap. Yeah. I don't know. Okay. I'm telling you. It's a heap of cheapness. They discover they have the fake one, the bad guys do.

The three card money, the shell game girl gets it. Yeah, that was pretty great. Yeah. She plays against Chief for the Emerald three card money. She scams him out of the Emerald. Everybody in this whole episode is a scam artist. Did you notice that? It did really seem like that.

Everybody's running a scam. The bad guys catch up to the chief. He tells him the girl went to Virginia City who has the emerald. The good guys catch up with the chief. And he tells them the same thing after making the universal shapely woman sign. Yeah, yeah. He did that. You know what?

It does occur to me that virtually everyone in this episode, aside from Ben and his boys, is a scam artist. That's true. Because Clementine is a former scam artist. Oh, that's right. Yeah. And the bankers is a scam artist, the mayor, the mayoral candidate, or is he the mayor? he is the mayor running for re-election yeah he sold these guys a piece of town that's going to flood yeah everybody's the scam artist it's terrible poor old honest men yeah yeah and then the bad guys in their pursuit of the woman in the gym passed by sunny acres without stopping and the bankers see them and they pursue and it all leads up to cart rights in virginia city uh they they find the woman ben bests her at three card yeah right and he ends up at the shell game at the shell game he ends up with uh with the gem now

he's got the emerald right yeah and they bring it and oh and there's a fight scene because the bad guys want it they meet him at the door and they fight them for it they fight yeah that's pretty good fight and he dumps one in a in a barrel who his feet go like this the entire time that's what you do if you're in a barrel well they're in the foreground of the other guy's shot just going flippity, flippity, flippity, flippity. Yeah. Which, the torture had to be like, move your feet. Keep moving them.

Move them. No, don't stop. Right. A lot of people say I'm good at action, but comedies where my real heart lies. Well, you remember, that also happens in Kill Bill, too. Yeah. Tarrantino put it in there. Yeah.

He's got caridine twitching legs in the barrel. Yeah, it's something about getting kicked into a barrel that, like, affects your nerve system where your legs just, yeah, scissor kick endlessly. Yeah. It's called the barrel fan. You got barrel spasms. Get them barrel spasms. Excuse me.

Now we're the... Wait, we're coming to the thrilling conclusion. Duck, if he had me up all night, I apologize. Oh, brother. All right. Now we got the climactic scene. The insurance man says it, and she explains her switcheroo, how she ends up with the real one. And Ben now says she's an amazing woman.

And the swindlers are going off to jail for 20 years. That's a lot of time. But she still wants to get married, but he feels that the blackmail is null and boy. But she could still tell the sheriff that little Joe and Haas shot through my window and broke my window. Right? That also doesn't seem like real powerful blackmail. Oh, yeah, maybe not.

You want to marry me against your will or maybe serve a couple weeks in a cozy jail with some beans. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Yeah. Well, so, yeah. And also, nobody's going to take her. her word for it against the cart rights. Yeah, right. Oh, that's true. But they're so honest, they wouldn't lie.

Yeah. Well, but that's it. Ben narrowly avoids getting married. The widow, whatever, widow Clementine ends up with a $50,000 emerald. Yeah. Yeah. The two swindlers go to jail. The banker and the land inspector man are just fine. Yeah. And, uh, except for the fact that they, uh, next time they need it, steak they have to go all the way out to sunny acres because they used them all up that's true they got a lot of their time and effort wasted but other than that they're okay i forgot to mention that almost any time there's a doorway in this episode we get a laurel and hearty two people through the door at the same time yeah that's so good that's a recurring joke well it's what happened when

you stack your cast full of comedy duos yeah that's it right they can't do they naturally do it they don't they don't no they don't you forget guys like that have to have a specially designed doorways in their homes yeah because otherwise they'll never make it through and then you get there's a funny little piece of comedy business where hoss picks up the weight from her dead strongman husband and you kind of think it might be a false weight he's having such an easy time right and then but then he puts it on the table and the table shatters and then hoss and ben try to hide that from her but only for a moment right and then they step forward and admit that they've done it she says that happens all the time i've got that's a fifth table third table

now you all have to marry me or i'm gonna tell on you she said the third table this week i think uh-huh all right it was even if it was this month yeah that's a lot that's a lot of people coming through there who can lift and let's say it's 300 pounds right yeah because it says it's 500 but let's say it's 300 that's a lot of really strong people you'd think she'd be looking out for that at this point. I also want to keep it on the floor dummy. Yep. Yeah. There's also a runner joke here where she

refers to Ben as Ducky. Yes. Which is a cute nickname. But then did you all guys understand at some point... I'm going to tell you right now, no. In the scene where Ben is complaining that the furniture is going to get moved around. Yeah. It sounds like he's going to end up getting married at this point to

Clementine. And Adam says does he say cool or does he say coo he says one of those two words that's all he says or is there what's the sentence that is all he says he seems to say like cool and ben turns around and goes cool no it isn't so i don't know but then it gets called back later in the final scene did you notice clementine breaks the fourth wall and stares right into the camera for her oh she does for her final speech she stares right into the camera and she says it again she says he says he either coo or cool. Would she say cool?

I got it with subtitles. Do you want to find out? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, please. How are we going to do that? What's going to happen? Oh, you're going to put it on the TV. Yeah.

That's a TV. Did you even know that was a TV? That's like Mr. Rogers TV. Oh, yeah, you're right. But Taylor's a huge Mr. Rogers fan. That's true. I love. Did you know Mr. Rogers, two things about Mr. Rogers.

while we're waiting for this to come up on the screen. He used to insist that a public swimming pool be closed down for an hour every morning so that he could swim nude. I did not know that, but I wrote that. This is the first negative thing. I mean, that on two levels is strange. It's peculiar. And he also insisted on weighing the exact same thing throughout his entire life. Yes.

Yeah, that's crazy. I didn't know that that was... Cool. I won the war and lost the peace. Yeah, what is that? And they didn't subtitle it. No. Wow. Coo.

Coo. I won the war but lost the peace, she tells us. Wow. I wonder what that is. I do too. Were they saying cool in 1861 or coup? It might be some like, yeah, some forgotten. I know.

It feels like. Acne is like Crambo. You know, like, you know, Stargway went to Gordon heated, right? And Crambo, they just threw things in. Well, maybe we'll get to the bottom of it on the bonus. Oh, that sounds good. How about that?

The bottom getters are on the case. All right. Well, Andy Richter, what are you going to plug for us? Are you doing a call-in radio show? I am, and you did the inaugural version. No, I didn't. Oh, right. This, your friend, Andy Daley, Andy D-Daly.

I don't like that guy one bit. You don't? Why not? He's a son of a bitch. He's a fine fellow. He doesn't pay me enough to do this. Oh, well, that's your problem. It is.

Well, we'll make it his problem today. Oh, boy. Slip in the door door. Andy Dudley daily. Yes, I do a call-in radio show on Sirius XM on Wednesdays at 1 o'clock. It was intended to be taped and then played at 1 o'clock, but I've had nothing to do, so I'm able to do it live. Oh, beautiful. Frequently.

Oh, nice. Hollywood insisted. that they needed to keep me under-employed so I could do my live radio show. And then I still do my podcast, the three questions, which is available wherever you get podcasts. Yeah. And it's, it's. I get mine at the dry goods store. Sure, in a burlap sack.

You take them home and first you've got to put them in water and let them hydrate. Right. Yeah. That's where I get pulled by the equestrian insulator. And that's about it. Uh-huh. That and just seeing how the bulging discs in my back play out. Oh, yeah?

Yeah, yeah. All right. I'll take care of those for you. All right. No problem with my mold whip. All right, mutt. Anything further to say? Just that if you're listening to this on the free feed, it's high time you went to patreon.com and subscribe to get all kinds of bonus extras and extravaganza shows.

Yeah, man. That's a good point. Yeah, find out what Q means. Q. What? Q. Q. Oh, Q.

Exactly. All right, folks, that's an episode of Bonanas for Bonanza. Thank you so much for joining us. We'll see you next time when we'll talk about the next episode. Now get, by now. Bye now. Bananas for Bananasasas. Brannas is brought to you by Andy Daly with Matt Gordon.

Theme song by Matt Gordon with The Journey. which in this case are Mark McConville, Daniel Mitchikoff, and Wade Ryan. Bananas for Bananas is mixed and edited by Mark McCombie, executive produced by Andy Daly and Matt Gould. We'll see you around.