Bonanas for Bonanza - Bonanas For Bonanza Episode #78: “The Frenchman”

Episode Date: April 8, 2026

Subscribe to The Andy Daly Podcast Project at Patreon.com/AndyDaly Markie brings along her classmate and Geography project partner Ted "Little Bopper" Sanders who feels a strong connection to season 3, episode 12, "The Frenchman", in which an insane French man exposes the truth about Ben Cartwright and Little Joe makes out with his (the Frenchman's) sister a whole lot.  Featuring Dan Lippert, Lily Sullivan & Matt GourleyMerch: redbubble.com/people/ADPodProject/shopMail: PO Box 9407 Glendale, CA 91226Email: [e-mail]’s website: andydaly.comRecord date: 8/12/2025 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is Andy Daley, inviting you to subscribe to patreon.com slash Andy Daly, where each month we release a brand new bananas for bananas for Bonanza episode, and two episodes of the comedy grab bag podcast, bonus nanza extravaganza. Plus, you get access to our Discord and other goodies. So do check it out at patreon.com slash Andy Daly. Thank you. So consult your TV guide Get your great outdoors inside Take some Ponderosa pride And forever made

Right Let's get started with a Yeah Hot damn It's for Bonans Episode 78 This is Can you believe we've done 78 episodes

Much? Yes I can Me too And by the way We're talking about the 78th episode of Bonanza So every episode of this podcast, we've talked about one episode of Bonanza. And we've taken great pains to make sure that's the case.

Exactly. It got messed up for a while. We did. We're up to season three, episode 12 now. We're still doing it. We're still doing it. And folks, we're still the only podcast. We're still the only podcast in the world that's talking about Bonanza.

Somehow or other, I don't know how it's true, but it's true. Nobody else has gotten in on it. I'm Dalton Wilcox. I'm your host, Matta. is my sidekick. Proud to be here with you, my friend. My niece Markey is here with me. What's up?

Oh, Lord. Oh, Lord, please pray. This is the prayer that we have to say in school now. Oh, Lord, please pray and let God have blessed us all. For we are Trump's children and we love us all. Haven't you doing a prayer now? Yeah, we have to say that. Really?

Wow. And you just started back up. to school, didn't you? I just had to go back to school. I'm not working for the Turkish hair line anymore. Yeah. They let you go because you was booking them into the wrong hotels. Hairlines and airlines. Hairlines and airlines. That was the name of the company. I used to live, and this is true, live near a hair salon called United Airlines. Isn't that something? Wow. Hair salons are predisposed to pun names. It's true. Like a cut above or bell hair or something like that. Super cuts. Yes. Wait.

Like the editing app What? Final cut? You got me there. Wow. Fascinating. I didn't know that was a pun. It's a pun.

Well, all right, so now you're not with airlines and airlines anymore. No, I'm back in school. This is your chance to make a fresh start on a brand new year's school because, man, just girls constantly getting kicked out of, she got kicked out of my brother's house, and now she's living with me and Betty Lou and she got, how many times you get suspended from school last year? Four.

Four damn times. Four times in the first semester. And how long are you suspended for each time? For two to three weeks. So have you even been to school? No. You go back just enough time to get suspended. I mean, that's a pretty good thing.

And then the rest of the time is holidays, obviously. Wow. Yeah. I take off all holidays. For my religious beliefs. Yeah, right. She's got one of them calendars, got every goddamn holiday.

in and in the world. And every time she wakes up, I try to wake her up in the morning. She says, no, it's. Today's National Avocado Day. I take off to celebrate guacamole and all of the avocado toast. So you were part of every religion, basically? Yeah. And how does that square with Trump's prayer?

It squares pretty well when I say I'm a Christian. Okay. Yeah. It's terrible. You're just making a bad example for the Youth of America on this podcast. One of the reasons I'll put you on here is to be a good example today. You know my God. But you brought along a friend, didn't you?

He's not really my friend. Ah, come on now. Look like a decent young man. He's not really my friend. He's just a guy in my class. Well, we got a guest today. We're supposed to work on a project. Oh, you are?

Oh, really? We got a guest today. He's also a student at your same high school. Yeah. Okay, his name is, it says Ted Little Bopper Sanders. What do you mean by that? Hey, how's it called? Hi, Ted.

I, Ted. Sorry. Well, yeah, I'll obviously get to the nickname. So I was just a little rocked by, before I even got to speak, finding out we're not even friends. We're not close. Sorry. We're not very close.

I thought the project was a little bit of a friendship build for us. Don't feel too bad because she doesn't like us either. So that's kind of. Well, not only that, she doesn't like Bonanza. I hate Bonanza. Go ahead. It shouldn't exist. Well, I don't know.

How could you change that? Exactly. I'm working on it. What? That would kill your uncle. What is this? The enemy from within? Your arm's on?

Fingers crossed. You're trying to create some kind of alternate dimension where bananas never existed? Yeah. We'd be living under communist rule. I guarantee it. I'm getting it swiped from the archives at the library. I'm working on it. We're supposed to be working on our geography project.

Yes. Yeah. We're mapping the mountains of the western United States and building a map out of things that you find litter you find in nature. Perfect. This is like the Ponderosa. This is perfect. It's beautiful. Yeah, trash. Oh, man. You might have an opportunity to topographically sculpt the Ponderosa itself.

That sounds fun. We've been kind of disagreeing on stuff because you wanted to do Reno almost exclusively and I said, well, that's just a lot of city stuff. I wanted to do Reno 911 the TV show. I just wanted to play an episode of it. And he says, no. Why? Because it's not what.

he said something about mountains in the western united states he's like really nerdy like for me i i run with a group that you might call the nerds at school but yeah uh you know it's i'm in the obviously i'm in the um um um the palela group i'm in the pen club the pan club oh that's good how'd you get in how'd you get in that uh well there was a one that i couldn't get into so i'm in a pen club uh i started a secondary kind of lesser one. That's initiative right there. If you can't get in, you start your own. You start your own, yeah.

That's what we did. Literally the most boring thing on earth, pens. Y'all talk about different kinds of pens? Yeah, I want to be clear. You're saying pens or pans? Either way, honestly sounds pretty good. Are you in a pen club or a pen club or a pan? Pen? Penn or pan?

Yeah. P-E-N. Okay, fine. BIC. Cast iron. Cat. Can what? Pen.

What? Pen that you write with. Ain't no way to figure this out. We'll never figure this out. It's so simple. This is real, who's on first? I'll tell you what. This is what the meetings are.

I keep thinking we have a ton of new followers or new members of the club, but it's always somebody who misunderstood what club we were in the announcements. They show up with all their pens and you're like, it's non-stick. God damn it. I'll hear you. The other way around. Right. The other way around.

Yeah. But what if there was a pen that was Teflon? You couldn't write with it. You'd keep dropping it. Oh, good point. You can't hold Teflon even? I'd never have. It's certainly something to discuss in the pen club.

You seem like we do need an adult advisor. Oh, let me be that. I would love it. Yeah, please be that. He wouldn't pay as a background check. I don't believe you would. Well, it doesn't mean you have to do a background check. Oh, okay.

Don't do one. No, they got rid of background checks at our school so anyone can teach. It's awesome. of this new world order we're living in, you know. That's smart. Who would, it's an FBI background check. Who would possibly be left to do those? Also, just to be clear, my background check, it's nothing sinister,

but I do have a troubled and checkered past when it comes to Pence, and that's what I'm worried you'd find out. That's the background check we run is specifically pen-related stuff. Do you mind if I follow up, or is it something you wouldn't want to talk about on microphone? I'll talk about it. I'll talk about it. I mean, just don't do a background check, but I'll talk about it publicly, okay? Now, Ted, you got a nickname here attached to your name, little bopper.

Yes. Well, when I heard you were doing this episode, it spoke to me, and I told Mark, I would love to be on the show. Oh, good. Because I have always thought I was the reincarnation of the big bopper. Oh, my God. This is the guy. Interesting. Yeah.

And so when someone showed me this episode to be like, well, this is kind of tried and true. This is what it would be like. and I related to this Frenchman so I don't want to get into the plot right away. What is a little bopper? I don't even know what that is. Well, the big bopper is a singer. Who?

He passed. Do you know the song by Don McLean? No. The day the music time. Bye, by Miss American Pie? You don't know that song? No, I've never heard that.

How about Big Bopper music like? Chandelie lace and a pretty face. Hello, baby. You sound like you could be a reincarnation of a big bopper. I have a musician, and I have to tell you. One of my compatriots, Whelan Jennings, gave up his seat in a coin toss. So Big Bopper, Richie Valens, and there's the other guy. Buddy Holly.

Prinky Valley. And so he lived when the others died. Yeah. Yeah, a lot of people say he had tinkered with that airplane and it was a double-headed coin. A lot of people say that. First I've heard that. That's a lot of people say that.

My friend, Whelan Jennings. Yeah, Oliver Stone was trying to get that movie off the ground. Yeah. I'll be damned. Well, release the files, Trump. Yeah. The Jennings files. What makes you think you're the reincarnation of the big bopper?

Well, when I was very young, probably about seven, I was at an I hop. And I looked at the menu and they had stuffed French toast. And I said, ooh, baby, that's what I like. Not knowing, because I was too young to even know. You never heard the song before. Never heard the song before. Those words just came out of your mouth just like that. My parents almost fainted right in that eye hop.

to be fair your whole family has a fainting disorder yes you were raised by goats yes yeah I come from a line of fainting goats so they do but they do faint frequently but sometimes it what happens is people belittle when the faints are real when it's front because of something and this time it was shock not just the causation is not correlation exactly yeah it was me my goat mother and my human father uh oh so you're also A satanic? Yeah. Do you see his hooves?

Yeah. My God, look at those. I'm impressed they'll let a goat into the International House of pancakes. Good for them. That's why we go there instead of Denny's. If I can use this platform, Denny's won't let goats in. Really? Yes.

All right. Get on the horn to Denny's, everybody. Denny's is canceled. Get canceling Denny's. Sometimes you, what are you going to do with your goat? Leave it in the car. It'll eat the goddamn upholstery. That's right.

You got to bring it into the restaurant. To eat the goddamn booth. That's why I said he should come here today because I didn't want to go back to his house. It's literally just shreds of fabric and cushion. It's embarrassing to bring full human students. You're kind of like the monsters. You're like Maryland in the Munsters.

Which one's Marilyn? She's the normal one. Yeah. The hands? But otherwise, yeah. What? You're thinking of the goddamn Adams family. I've told you a hundred times.

There's no similarities between the Adams family and the Munster. They're very different. They're very different. One thing, one family lives on 1313 Mockingbird Lane. And the other one lives on a different place. Okay? No one has ever said the Munster's house looks like a museum. Not one time.

No. Yeah. Two different shows. Both of them terrible. Excuse me? Well, okay, I'll give you that. It sounded almost like Romeo and Juliet for a second. I know you've got a sensitivity to that, but I am able to see it for what it is and satire.

I don't care for the glorification of monsters. But now, your father believes that your mother is a goat. Oh, yeah, this is getting into dangerous territory. What if he's a pan or like a... I'd be upset. I'd be a little upset. I mean no offense, and I hope our people can intermingle. What do you mean by intermingle?

You know, just be friendly, be our podcast together. Sure. But we've been called a monster family and stuff like that. But to me, my father doesn't believe my mother's a goat. My father is a human. My mother is a goat. Really? Okay.

All right. And I don't know if a pan has to be kind of, I don't like visit people in their dreams or anything like that or stand in the corner of rooms and horrify people. Do you play a little flute? Yes. You do. You play like a little. You'd call it a pan flute. Yeah, I play the pan flute.

But that, that's. So it's a pan? you can write with it and it's a flute. Is that how it works? Man, you got a lot of clubs. Well, it's for college, you know, as to get into colleges. But my main passion is music. Because I know I'm going to die the way the Big Bopper did, you know,

and I want to live the life he lived. Wait, so that begs the question, why fly? Well, that's destiny. Why do, you know, why does Oedipus still have sex with his mother, you know? But he doesn't mean to. You always ask that. He doesn't think he's going to. He tries actively, tries not to do.

Right, but it's going to happen is what I'm saying. So, you know, why does Bruce Willis kill himself at the end of 12 monkeys? It's always going to happen. Because he needs to be in that other movie The Sixth Sense and be dead. He only does number movies. Yeah, he does. Yeah. Wow, like those two.

Probably a bitch you third with that career. Unbreakable to. There you go. A whole nine yards. A whole nine yards. A whole ten yards. Oh, my God. So now if you went out of your way, you says,

whatever I'm going to do in my life, I'm never going to get on an airplane. The fact of doing that would somehow put you on an airplane. I think it would, yeah. It's hard to imagine. What, did he die on an airplane? The Big Bopper?

Yeah. Yes. You know the song, The Daily Music died by Don McLean? Who? Oh, Lord Almighty. I'll sing it. It's short. Oh, right.

It's a good. karaoke song, I'll tell you. That's a real good one. It's 32 minute break, 32 bar break. But if I may use this public sphere, all right, all right. I wanted

to be on this to do a bit of a gesture. I know it's just kind of in the summer and it's going to be a while, but I want to know if you would be my ding, dang danga danga danga dong ding prom date. Oh, this is a great moment.

This is beautiful. Mark, you've just been asked to the prom. First of all, it's August. So it is a really long time away. Yeah. And second of all, no. Well, wait a minute. Before you get to that second part,

if you're just going to say no, you don't have to make a point about it. And third of all, how dare you? And fourth of all, on a podcast with my uncle. And fifth of all, with my uncle's, friend. And sixth of all, on August 12th. Boy, you got more numbers than the Bruce Willis movie. My God.

And seventh of all, when it's 82 degrees outside. What does that have to do with it? None of your arguments are strong, but that one's a particular little weak. No, the problem with him. He's a wonderful fella. He's, I'm going to be honest with you guys. Sorry, can you just don't listen for a cycle? Yeah, absolutely.

She does this to me a lot. So I just figure it out a way to. Disassociate. Thank you. Thank you. He's just, I'm really not into the goat thing. And I don't want to be like, I don't want people to come for me and like cancel me or whatever. Oh, it's peculiar. I'm not into that. It might be the first time we've ever agreed with Marky on something. It could be interesting though, you know? It could be something different. Could be vanguard and cutting edge. You know what I mean? I'm not interested in that. I like guys who look like Timothy Chalame. I want them to look like Permo little boys. Uh-huh. That's what I like. He looks like a goat man.

his bottom half might as well be a centaur full wait a minute hold on what a centaur is half and half so if you're saying a bottom half might as well be a centaur you're just saying his bottom half might as well be a horse well no centaur

then it go instead of a go yeah a centaur is half horse half man who if your bottom half is a centaur then your whole body is only a quarter horse this is my question why with the half go people didn't they do the full bottom half of the goat with the back legs and everything.

Just making sure I should remain checked out. I think it would be best. With goat people, they only get the front two legs. Why didn't they get the back two legs too? I think made an improvement, I think. But I don't know if you remember there was this series of 1970s,

these Popeye cartoons, but they'd also do these other cartoons and there was a goat with the four legs. Oh, there was. So there is precedent. Okay, well, whatever happened with that, I don't know. I mean, like, I actually would be, like, more into it maybe if there were the back legs.

Really? Let's bring a little bopper back into it. A little bopper. Please take off your isolation headphones and come out of the booth. Oh, thank you. It's because I'm a freaking nerd, isn't it? Yeah, sure. It's the whole nerd thing, yeah.

But this is an impressive initiative to get ahead of it like this. Because you go, how many times does a fella go to ask a girl to the prom? She says, I've already got a date. I like that he's starting out so early. I'm impressed. To be fair to Markey, I've done this to seven other girls on podcasts in our school. Oh. And I probably keep doing it until someone says yes.

The pressure of it being live like this and there being all these people watching. How does it feel to be the seventh choice? Honestly, pretty shitty. I thought it would be number one. Yeah, I wouldn't have told you. I want to be number one for all the guys in the school, but I want to say no to most of them. 99%. to be fair you were at least top three but we were just having a lot of trouble back and forth on the email scheduling one of these podcasts so i just got a few

what other podcasts have you been on in popper i'm impressed comedy bang bang bang bang bang me bang me dang yeah yes i ask culop out on comedy bang bang to prom um that's a grown woman i don't think you can do that that's what they said on the podcast okay all right that's what she was interested but the age is what they're off. I have a, my friend Matt has a co-podcast host who as a grown woman did go

with a high school boy. No. As a favor, but she was 30. Is it Taylor Swift? No. That's true.

That's a huge favor. So, it really is. That's kind of favor to get you in jail. Hey, don't shoot the messenger. All right.

She's talk about it all the podcast if you like. She has. Well, fascinating. Yeah. All right. Do you mind if I don't have to stick around now that I have my answer? I can...

No, you have to stick around. You have to do the project. I'd like you to stick around, particularly if you're inspired by this episode of Bonanza. I was, yeah. I was surprised how much crossover there was between my life and the Frenchman's and if you've got other people, are you going down the list of people to ask? You don't have to go on a podcast with them. You can just say right now, announce it if you want, like the next three.

Oh, yeah. Okay. Opened up. Sharon Mendelbaum, I think, is probably next. Okay. Okay. To be asked. What podcast do you think you're going to ask around on?

Oh, that's a great question. I mean, there's the local school ones, but we'll probably end up just doing one on the now canceled Max TV show Duster. It's called Dollars to Dusters. It's a podcast devoted to the show Duster. Yes. It's not Max anymore. It's HBO again. It was one of the last Macs shows.

I'm sure they would discuss it. Get used to it. It's HBO. How does this affect you opinion? This is the first opinion I've seen you have on any political thing. Get used to it. HBO now. Again.

This kid and her streamers. You state absolutely silent on pronouns, but this one you will not stop talking about. I care a lot about this. HBO. And below it it says, get it right. Again. Fucker. That's what my motto is.

Is it just, the app is called HBO now? That's it? Oh my God, I don't. Yes. You have me log into it every time? Yeah, I log out when I'm done watching something on one of my streamers, a log out.

That's smart. You don't need to log out. It's all just, it's on your... You close a book when you're done reading it. Then you have to log back in. And then he has to go get his passwords. He uses passwords in this weird little trunk buried in the yard. Yeah.

So then when you have to log back in the car. We have to go get them. It's a combination trunk. You don't have a password chest? No. You should. I just leave them on my phone. Oh, man.

Can I say on my way in, it is becoming pretty obvious where the trunk is buried in the yard. There's a big pile of dirt. Yeah. She does a terrible job of re-burying it. That's why. Put a little effort into re-burying it and put the sod back up on top like I tell you to every damn time. He likes to watch the Gilded Edge. It's his favorite job.

Well, that's just, I mean, there's something. about it. What, how boring and bad it is? I'm with you. Man, man. You're wrong. And the pacing of it reminds me of a classic show

like bananas. Yeah. Beautiful that way. I'm watching Ballard, which is a spinoff of Bosch Legacy, which is a continuation of Bosch on Amazon. Oh, man.

Boy, man, that really sucks you in. I'm just about to finish season two of Bosch. Are you? Just got sucked into it. Oh, yeah. It's great. I got a feeling that I can't let go. What we sing when we watch

I got a feeling that my name is Bosch. I hope he's right, because he's been going by it for a long time. It'd be pretty crazy if his name wasn't Hieronymus Bosch, and that's just what he thought it was. Just crazy enough that his name is Hieronymus Bosch. That is ridiculous. You know what I've been watching? What?

Bonanza! Okay, all right, let's do it. Time! Take us in. Take us in. All right, all right. Is the episode first aired on December 10, 1961? There's not much. tell you about that day. King of Kings is still the number one movie. This is the movie that Mia Farrow's father dropped out of the movie because it's a movie about the crucifixion of

Jesus that was not hard enough on the Jews. Well, Mel Gibson or what do you? Huh? No, pre-Mil Gibson. He must, did he live long enough to see who she ended up marrying? I think maybe he did. That must have been quite disappointing. I know. He must have been pretty man. Did he leave that family? I know. I don't know if I said it this last time. Orson Wales was hired to provide the narration and he insisted on pronouncing the word apostles

with a hard tea instead of. Apostles. Apostles. I'd love to. Why don't we have an outtake of that session? I'm just listening to a podcast about Cleopatra, the movie, and Rex Harrison is in it. And the director, Joe Manquitz was like, you can't pronounce schedule, schedule in this movie

because it's an old Roman tale. And he goes, that's my boy, that's how it's set. Scheduled. And he goes, well, all right, I'll take it from you. You've been to Shul. And that's really happened. Can you imagine the tension on the set? Oh, my God.

Well, it made for a great movie. A lot of quiet grips that day. I know, like just looking down at their shoes when they walk by. Oh, boy. Sitting there going, I wish I had a phone I could scroll through. What I wouldn't give for another drunk Burton day. My God. Well, the number one country song is still walk on by.

This is its seventh of 19 weeks at number one. Walk on by. Walk on by. Walk on by. Wow. Walk on by. How do you know that? It's on a TikTok.

It went viral. Oh, beautiful. Big Bad John by Jimmy Dean. It's the number one song in the country. Good Lord. So born on this day was Canadian track star Mark McCoy. Oh, yeah. That's a celebrity bird.

Yeah. He won Olympic gold. I didn't think Canada ever did. And also, the next day, December the 11th, 1961, is the day that people feel that the Vietnam War officially began. Feel? Yeah. It's a feeling. It's a feeling. December 11th. Vietnam. Wow, Bosch and Vietnam, could you imagine? Oh, as far as I can. I bet he was. He's too young, but he was still there as like a 12-year-old going, let me in the action. Give me the juice. For me, the action is the juice. Is that a line from Bosch? Huh? Huh?

Yeah. No, it's a line from heat. All right. Come on. Bukuk, Buck, let's go. Top, I'm going snake and nape down in the Delta by you. Let's go. That's just a Vietnam talk.

Young Bosch and Vietnam. I like it. Pitch it. Are you listed in Amazon? You're already spending it up multiple times. Give me. kid Bosch and kid Bosch what would that be called like

Baby Bosch Bosch baby yeah Bosch baby Bosch baby calling Bosch baby calling Humping Bush But shouldn't it be pronounced Bosch Bosch baby Going back to schedule versus school

Don't talk to my girls And we'll bring Bosch from Empire Strikes back in The Bounty Hunter Okay Now, this is sold. We have not overcomplicated it. We've only sweetened the deal. Beautiful.

Bosch, baby. That's good. Let me tell you about some of the people that got involved in making this episode. It was written by Norman Lessing, who was a national chess master in his youth. He was the New York State champion at the age of 19. And when he died at the age of 90, the United States Chess Federation said, Norman Lessing was the last link to the golden age of coffee house chess. Can you believe that?

What? What? I don't know. Ain't you seen the Queen's Gabbitt? I ain't seen the Queen's Gambit. Like the Beating Generation All Playing Chess in Congress. He doesn't have a Netflix. He can't find his Netflix password. Yeah, it's somehow not in the truth.

I don't know how it's not in the chest, but it ain't in the chest. I know who to blame. The Frenchman in this episode, Francois Villan, was played by Andre Philippe, who was a fella who was born under the name of Everett Cooper in the Bronx. But then he went to Paris Where he sang in nightclubs And change his name to André Philippe. See, this tracks.

He's one of those guys who, like those girls who travel abroad and then they're like, I'm French now. Like Emily Paris. Oh, like Baldwin's wife. Yeah, like Hilaria Baldwin. Yeah. My name is Hilaria.

I'm a Spanish. But she's really from like the Bronx or something. She's from like, yeah, like Florida or something. Andre Philippe was in the, Oh God book too. Bob and Carol and Teddard. and Alice. I never seen that one. He's in a movie

called Some Kind of a Nut in which Dick Van Dyck Some Kind of a Nut. I've seen that porn. It's like a mystery. It is. It's like, what nut is this? I'll still fuck it. I don't know. The only way to find out is to fuck it. You're thinking of the wrong movie. This one's got Dick Van Dyck in it.

That one did too. Dick Van and Dick and Dick and Dick. Dig, and dyke. In a van. Dick and a dock and a van? Still different.

I can't be the same movie. This is about a bank teller who can't shave because of a rash. This is not what I'm expected. Growing a beard completely upends his life. That's the movie? That's the movie. Wow. Back when if you had a beard, you were in real trouble.

And people think the movies they make nowadays are trash. That's, that's great. That's a great concept. It's a great concept. If you had a beard back then you were in, you were in a real trouble. communist basically. Not only that, he's got a wedding coming up. He's about to get married.

So he's going to show up for that whittling with a goddamn beard? I want to see this movie. Oh, my God. Or a rash? What do you do? It's crazy. It's a crazy movie. Wow.

Have you seen it? I watched eight minutes of it online. No. Somebody put together. Who let you online? Come on now. I can find YouTube sometimes. And is Dig Van Dyke with the beard?

Yeah. Is it a false? beard. Yeah. You'd think the whole movie's about a beard he might grow one. But he can't

because he can't walk around when he's not shooting with a beard he'll be ostracized. It would upend his whole life. Accused to be in a comedy now that's an interesting movie. A guy grows a beard

to be in a movie about a guy who's beard ruins his life and the beard ruins his life. That's right. That's a great movie. That's great. I'd like to see that one. A little bopper.

You got a good idea there. I was all right. You're listening? We got baby Bosch hump and bush. Baby boss Hump and Busk. Busch a bus. And man grows

beard being a beard movie. Can't get a... Can't get a beard. Can't get a... Can't get anything. Can't get anything. Andre Philippe also played the evil manager of a rival rock group on the monkeys

and his name was Trump. Can you believe that? Can you believe that? He also, he dated Judy Garland and Chilly Winters and taught yoga at USC. Whoa. Wait a minute. Back in the day?

Yeah. He dated Julie Garland and Shelley Winters? No. He cleaned up. Was he a straight man? Oh. I don't know.

Because I think they both have a Pets who had a thing for a gay man? I believe so. Oh, really? They were beards. They were beards. That's the only way he could walk around with a beard. Exactly. It had to be that kind of beard.

He must have had a rash. Is this a video of the yoga? What the fuck? Why is it showing me a commercial? God damn I got to sign in. No. It's not a video of the yoga. Although that's what he's doing in the movie about the beard.

No. He's doing yoga. At some point, that's how crazy this guy's life gets after he grows a beard. He ends up in a fucking yoga studio. And this actor, Andre Philippe, is in that scene doing yoga. Whoa. He's at rock bottom. Exactly.

When you... I do see a lot of searches on your computer, Dalton. Yoga. Yeah. Yoga for neck pain. Yeah, yoga for nip hands. Sleep on side suggestions. You all right?

Is that for real? Does it say that? It should. No, he's not allowed on YouTube. I've banned him. He was getting down too many rabbit holes. I love them rabbit holes. All right, this here, when you Google Andre Philippi,

most of your responses have to do with Andre Filippi gag gnawn, which is a different man, but you can't help but find out who this guy is. He's a French-Canadian singing impressionist. Would you like to see one of his impressions? He looks like Frankie Valley so far. Of singers? Oh, very different. You were obsessed with Frankie Valley. He's so good. Have you guys seen him lately? Frankie Valley? Yeah, like he basically wheeled out on stage. Yeah. Really? And then he lipsinks. It's so good. If you want to look face-to-face with your own mortality, take a look at those videos. Oh, I'm glad to hear you getting into some I bought you tickets.

You bought me tickets to see Frankie Belly? Yeah. Oh, I'd love to. Where's he playing in the Hollywood Bowl? No, he's playing in New Jersey. You have to fly. Oh. I got you tickets through Turkish Airlines.

Turkish Airlines. Don't get me on that plane. This is the French-Canadian singing impersonator André Philippe Gangaon, who has nothing to do with this episode of Bonanza, but I thought you might enjoy one of his impressions. Whoa. Whoa. He's being so fast.

He's not Tracy Chabby? He's not. He's bribing guitar. He's just singing it. He's not even impressive. He's imitating Tracy Chappen. Yeah, he does.

No, he's not. He's just singing her song. He's a foremost impersonator of Tracy Chapman in the world. Oh my God. Oh, my God. You know what else he did? What? He came to, he rose to fame on the,

Carson Show in 1985 by singing We Are the World as everybody who's saying we are the world. You would? We are the world. Oh, wow. Marky's a beautiful singer. She sings in the shower.

We are the world. Beautiful. I'll tell you what you got a beautiful. So I can just imagine him doing that and he sings Stevie Wonder and he does the rocking. Yes. I wonder if he gets those messages now that's like, hey, we'd like to book you for a party and he's like, great, you want me to do Tracy Chapman? No, thank you.

I can do a solid 90 minutes of Tracy Chapman. Stick to Sinatra. I'll throw Tracy in there, at least once. The other major guest star in this movie was Erica Peters as a Louisville. This woman had a crazy life and speaking of rabbit holes. Lord Almighty, I spent, uh-oh. Oh, really? So much time.

All right. She's born in Nazi Germany. Whoa. 1935. Both of her parents were kids. near the end of the war by Red Army soldiers. Then she makes her way to Berlin. She earned a living dubbing the voice of Mickey Mouse and translated versions of cartoons.

Whoa. Then she says she started importing, illegally importing Volkswagen's to the United States just to make money. How do you do that? Put them in your purse. Yeah, she'd buy a whole bunch of, I guess she'd buy a whole bunch of them and put them on a boat and sail with them to the United States. But she didn't have a license to do that. shut down at some point. And then she put her money into coin-operated laundromats in Los Angeles.

And then a TV show needed a limber actress with a German accent who could fit into a normal-sized suitcase for an episode about somebody escaping East Berlin. And she was the gal. Linder! It was Jack Webb's true detective stories or something like that. Yeah. Matthew McConaughey and was the other guy. It was Matthew McConaughey. No, one woody hair

On these guys weren't even born yet. Guys, there's a long time ago. True detective. Oh, true detective. I'll see what you mean. She, then she had a rapid rise. A columnist called her a Swiss miss

with lips made to kiss. She wasn't from Switzerland, but pretty close. Then she married. You go through all that columnist articles. You notice a lot of focus on the lips. All about the lips. Lips, lips.

She married a much older guy named Cy DeVore, who was the tailor to the stars. Oh. Jerry Lewis spent $75,000 a year on his suits. And Liberace was one of his clients. Damn. And, but he died a year after they got married. Then, two years later, she married a guy named Robert Brunson, who was the president

of Taco Bell. Oh, good job. That's early Taco Bell. Taco Bell started in 1962, believe it or not, by a man named Glenn Bell. You ever think about that? That's crazy. Signor bell. That actually makes a lot of sense.

Well, when you think about it, what does bells have to do with tacos? Yeah, true. Why should that word be in the name? Because it was a man's name. Like a dinner bell, though. Yeah, you never question it. You just assume there's a bell that signifies tacos. Time to ring the taco bell.

But it was a man's name. It's kind of like how the toilet was invented by John Crapper. That's not true. Yeah, that's true. Oh, that's true. She then became in the 70s and 80s the go-to interior decorator for the Saudi Royal family. Whoa, she's cool.

Wow. I'm talking about reinvention of something. So, yeah, you can have multiple careers in your lifetime. Okay, you guys don't have to keep doing this. You don't have to keep doing Bonanza. You can stop. We're only going to do it through 431 episodes. This is me diversified.

I've been a country outlaw singer, and now I'm branched out to something bigger and better. That's right. Well, then she became a major player. in the spay and neuter world. Oh, she rubbing elbows with Bob Parker. Yeah, exactly. She was heavily into rescue.

She bought a van and drove around and spayed and neutered cats and dogs. Personally? I guess so. And then the last time she made it into the newspaper, she died three years ago. Last time she's in the papers, she was, she leapt to the defense

of the scandal-ridden president of the Humane Society of the United States. She released a statement in which she asked, which red-blooded male hasn't sexually harassed somebody. That's the last we heard from her. Was that in defense? That was in defense. Oh, good.

I don't know if that was a defense he was hoping for, but we all agree he's as guilty as can be. But who among us is not a horrible predator? Wow. Amazon, here's another show I did for you. The Life and Times are Kitty Darvish, or what's her name? Not Kitty Darvish. Erica Peters Erica Peters

Not even close Kitty Darvish Almost no common letters Between the two names No no Consider it You know But that's not even

All right So far The stars of this episode are wild And here's the last one The guy Jim The hotelier Was the actor He was in a million things

Including whirly birds And the Schlit's Playhouse The Stars Oh there we go And a movie called Naked Alibi What could that be? But he also was on the Los Angeles City Council for six years, during which he was indicted for conspiracy and bribery.

Okay. But he also, who among us has? Who among us? He opposed, did you know they was at some point going to put a freeway where Laurel Canyon Boulevard is? A full-on freeway. Cool. And he, I got to tell you. I wish they did.

Really? You can't get over that fucking hill? I'm surprised you guys are for this. This guy, this councilman put a quash on it. He made it not happen. This is the reason there's not a freeway going on Lower Canyon Boulevard. Man, a lot of problems would be solved. I'm telling you.

I want them to put gondolas, like, both gondolas that are in like ski resorts, but also like rivers like Gondolas, like the Venice Gondolas. Yeah. Yeah, like Venice Rivers and you ride the gondola. Oh, both can. I want double gondolas. You want sky gondolas and water gondolas. Yeah.

Gondola town. You're so thoughtful. Shut up. He likes you. He likes you. I look. I don't know what you're doing right now, but you should be working on the project. Okay.

I got to tell you, your hostility to him feels like projection. And maybe you ought to consider looking within and thinking that this is a fine fellow. And maybe you're giving up something good here out of some kind of self-spite or something. That's just what I'm seeing. Um, okay. Okay. Never mind. Never mind.

You're fine. But he can't help it. He's the reincarnation of the big. It's not. It just comes out of me. There's just so much. I have to get over. The hooves.

The songs. Okay. You have a point. Have you seen LeBron James' feet? Even the greats have crazy feet. What's going on with his feet? Well, they just, all the toes are going all every which way from all the wearing basketball shoes for so long.

Oh. Is she wearing like high heel best? basketball shoes. What are this called those high-heel sneakers? I don't know. Oh, like Robert Danny Jr. wears? He does. He does?

Look at Google any picture, full-body picture of Robert Danny Jr. And he's got like Nike high-tops on, but you can see they're built with heel lifts inside to not look like they're wearing heels. Oh, wow. Oh, my God. Check it out. I think that he used those. They say you have to replace an addiction with something healthy. And so he's addicted to wearing high-heel sneakers.

Snickers, which was nice. Sneals. Better off on cocaine. Well, let's recap this episode. What do you see? Let's do it. Okay, let's do it. All right.

This episode starts where Joe and Hoss right into town. They see a pretty gal. But that's not important. But then a man gets thrown out of a box. Well, it is important. It shows that What's his face is horny today. Little Joe is horny today. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah, all right. Little Joe is big horny. Yeah. He's, yeah, he's usually horned. Not like your horn's different. Little Joe's Little Johnson's out on the prow. That's right.

This was the most incredible stunt I've ever. You never seen a stunt like this before. A man gets thrown out of a saloon and lands in Hoss's arms. Right? That was incredible. I was impressed. Yeah. I wondered how many takes they had to do of that.

I don't know, but they didn't have time to swap in a stunt man. That was Dan Blocker catching that guy as far as I could tell. But anyway, this guy's got a French accent. He calls him a varlet and he's drunk and a hoss throws him in a water trough. And then he gets a glove slap across the face and a challenge to a duel. We got a French drunk man challenging Hoss Cartwright to a duel. Wet French drunk man. What do you mean?

Because didn't he fall in a thing? Wet. Oh, well, wet. I thought you said, what French drunk man? This happened in our wet club also. Oh, wow. Yeah, he is a club where everybody just covers themselves in water. Did you just call it the water thing?

It's a trough. It's a trough. Oh, my God. I have a respect for the vernacular of the Wild West. I don't think she's even using those flashcards you gave her for Wild West Lingo. No, I am. Try me. Show me one.

All right. What are the little jangly things men wear on their boots? Tom cats. Tom cats. Tom cats. What? That's a jet airplane. Okay.

Oh, boy. What is the most famous manufacturer of the six-gun revolver? Yehaw, Gidea. Incorporated. Little Bopper's right. She's paying no goddamn attention, these. I took so much time to make this. I know you did.

Unbelievable. I laminated them. Yeah. He didn't write it. He burned the words onto the cards. He didn't have to do that. He could have written them. Well, but it looked real good.

All right, we got here. he's written a poem. He's a poet. We know that. And they're going to go on to San Francisco, but it's going to be a week before they get to San Francisco because the road is out. So Joe invite, he first, he learns, okay, all right, hang on. Did I skip the meeting of the beautiful girl?

It's okay. Francois Villan, the Frenchman, has a beautiful girl with him. Turns out to be his sister, which Joe takes as the green light to, you know, go after her. And so in that spirit, he invites the two. of them to the Ponderosa for a week until the road is passable to San Francisco. And she goes, how will I ever repay you? And then he kind of looks at his brother like, I think I know. We're going to flock.

Fellas, you ever been so horny, you let your brother almost get killed in a duel. Yeah. Yeah, this is, he invites him after the duel. We're not talking about your horns. You keep touching your horn. Well, I've tried to shave him down after I saw Hellboy, and it really didn't work, and it hurt real bad. Oh, he looks terrible.

He should let those horns come out and Hellboy, in my opinion. Well Right? I mean, come on. It looks worse than the horsewood. It does. I agree. I always think he's wearing goggles on his head. Yes, yes.

Yeah, not a bad idea. Well, Ben and Adam welcome their French travelers to the Ponderosa. And Adam knows the name, Francois Villan. He knows that Francois Valon was one of the greatest poets in French literature history. but four centuries ago. And this Francois Valon offers to explain why he is named this, but then he gets cut off and something we're going to hear about later. But boy, it's intriguing.

Yeah. And then there's a moment where, because Francois Valon has said, I demand satisfaction from Haas. And there's a moment where Ben and Adam look at each other in the dialogue is, satisfaction from Haas? And they shrug and walk away. Yeah, what was that about? What was that about?

Word got around. I think there's a lot of truths coming out in this episode. Yes. Francois Valon also writes a poem about how Ben killed his wife. Exactly. I think it means that Haas can't get it up. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. Well, they have to assume, because they haven't heard any context at all, they have to assume that Francois Valon wants to at least get jerked off by Haas. He wants satisfaction. Exactly. Okay. And they sort of take it like, from hoss? Why would you want to get jerked off by?

Clomsy man with rough hands. His hands are too big. His hands are too big. He doesn't know what to do with him. Well, Big Jagger wrote that song from the perspective of Francois Villan. What song are you talking about? I can't get no satisfaction. Oh, okay.

That's right. This whole episode inspired it. Beautiful. I'm sure you're right. Francois is telling Hop Singh how to cook. Oh, man. That was so funny. The foreigners fighting.

Oh, my God. A Frenchman against the Chinese man on how to cook a dinner for a bunch of white fellas. You like this? I'm being sarcastic. Oh. That character ever ended the screen and your butthole does not tighten up a little bit. What do you mean by that? What do you mean by that?

If anything, mine loosens. Yes. Yeah, you're running to the bathroom. It's just going like the world is as it should be right at this moment. Hop Singh, he's funny as hell. You can't not laugh when Hop Singh shows up with his funny ways. It feels like when an Uber driver starts telling you jokes, it's like, all right. Let me look at the ETA for this whole ride.

I've never been in an Uber that wasn't funny. You guys are funny. They got good jokes. I don't even go to comedy clubs. I just book an Uber ride. One time I booked an Uber ride to a comedy club and I'm like, what am I doing at the comedy club? It's isn't funny. Give me back in an Uber.

I said, take it around the park a few times. They're all warmed up. They're doing hours and hours. This is a scene where Villan stumbles upon the unbelievably gilded golden frames. Yeah. Which contain the portraits of Ben Cartwright's wives, all of whom are dead. So he has buried three wives. We know he killed him.

I think there's fair reason to believe that Ben Cartwright murdered. Yeah, I think that's as it's proffered. Yeah, I think that's possible. And then we also learn in this scene that Francois Villon is, certainly believes himself to be, the reincarnation of the great French poet Francois Veylon. Dang, ding, ding, dang, ding, dang, dang, ding, dang. Man, this is crazy.

What a coincidence. I found it very relatable. I said, I have to do this episode. Wow. And he said, now Villon was a rogue and a rascal who would kill a man and was hanged for it, and this man says, Yes, that is going to happen to me. I am the reincarnation of him.

I can write poems as good as he wrote him, and what happened to him will happen to me is what he says. And that's how you feel. Exactly how I feel. And Big Bopper went to prom. Yeah, Big Bhopper went to prom with someone. There you go. Someone.

You were going to go with him. You got to go with him. You can ask anybody. You don't have to ask me. It's fine. I'm probably going to go with Davey Boots Johnson. Davey Boots Johnson Why do they call him Davey Boots?

Because his boots are huge Really? Yeah, he wears these huge combat boots Stay away from that son bitch Sounds crazy Did he serve with Baby Bosch in Vietnam? I don't know, I don't know Well, Ben and Adam are not taking Francoisville on very seriously

Nobody does in this episode He seems like a figure of comical proportions Adam and Joe are trying to teach Haas how to sword fight because Francois Valon has chosen swords as the weapons for the duel between him and Haas. He's chosen a very phallic form of dueling

to get his satisfaction. And it's also representative of the fact that Haas can't get it up because he doesn't know how to sword fight. That's right. And Haas does say at some point he says he ain't got the figure for sword fighting, unlike little Joe. That's right. And they got little

things on the ends, little marshmallows on the ends of their swords. Yeah. Corks or something. It did look like a marshmallow roast. Now, and a smore. Huh?

Go on. Galon happens to stumble onto their practice. And then he does the old thing where he takes the buttons off of Haas's shirt with the precision of his swordmanship. Sexiness. Brian, I mean, the sexual tension is something here.

I have to admit. There's some homoerotic stuff going on. He wants satisfaction from Haas and his method of showing him I know how to use a sword is to undress him. Well, I'm pretty sure back in the day they thought all French guys were gay. Oh, sure. I suppose that's true. Pardon me, but I think they are.

Yeah. Aren't they? No. You should watch Emily and Paris, I told you. Some of them are straight. Not going to watch God damn. They still seem gay, but some of them are straight. No.

They're gay, but I... I want to do Emily and Paris. I told you I'm fundraising to be shipped to Paris to live there, Emily and Paris style. If there's a show, by the way, okay. How about this? Ponder this for a moment because I've made you watch me. Ponderosa this question. She loves this show. I know.

If there was a show that you could make me sit down and watch, what would it be? Emily and Paris. It would be Emily and Paris. All three seasons. You, I would have you watch all of Vanderpump Rules. It's going to take you a long time. It's going to take you probably two and a half years. I can't.

Watching every single day. I got to watch Benanzzi. I'll send you. I think it would be nice to put a face to all the people that serve you those drinks at pump that you go get out the weekends. And sir. Yeah. I'll watch,

I'll tell you what, I'll watch one Emily and Paris with you. Wow. Can we just do one episode of this that's in Emily and Paris? Okay. I will say we'll throw off your episode numbers. Oh shit. We'll do it as an extravaganza or something.

We'll borrow that format of those other guys. We'll do it. And I'll watch zero episodes of events. underpumperies. Okay, good. Marvelous. All right. All right.

Now, what do we got? Oh, they want to see if Eloise can persuade Verlund to call off the duel. Joe and Eloise at the lake. This was hot and heavy. I did like this. Yeah. Shit got steamy at the lake. Forgive me.

I had to rewind it. When the little ruckus happens and they get interrupted, does little Joe go, fuck? Oh, I don't know. What does he say? I don't think I heard about. Well, they're about to kiss and someone's in the bushes. or they hear something or someone's coming. And I rewound it.

And he goes, I think he says like, look, but it sounds just like, fuck. Because he's like, ugh, fuck. Yeah, blue balls. We'll look into that for the bonus episode. I would love for them to put this season on Amazon so you put on the subtitles. Yeah. Oh. Because the version I watched was on Google Drive.

It didn't have subtitles. There is, there. You can find the full transcript of every episode of Bonanza online. Are you serious? You really want to look it up? You really want to go look at the subtitles of Bonanza? I want to see if you said fuck, like your uncle's friend said. I'd be curious to get the answer to that.

You fit right in here. My name's my name's. Sorry, my name. It's one of those names that I didn't want to call you that if it wasn't. I understand. Like mud over here. What the fuck? I get that.

But. I call you butt behind your back. Oh. You just did it to my face. You just called me butt to my face. But. Oh my God. He's going to demand satisfaction.

Ew. What? What? What? That's creepy. Oh, it's going to be a dog. I'm a kid. I challenge you to a hand job. All right, all right, all right.

Maybe mutt can take you to the prom. Ew. What is wrong with you? He's already got friends that have done it. He knows the ropes. I've done worse. Come on. You guys are sick.

Like, who among us hasn't taken a kid to prom? Yeah. Jesus Christ. What red-blooded American male. I love Kitty Darvish. I have a book of Kitty Darvish. Kitty Darvish's ladies' tips.

Well, now, Francois got a plan. He's going to ride to Virginia City. They're out of money. Because he squandered his money playing poker. They don't even have money to make it to San Francisco, but he's got a plan to make more money. All right. Ban and Adam are at home.

No, blah, blah, blah. There's too much going on. The French guy wants to be a poet. And also he thinks he's this famous reincarnation. And he needs money. And he's challenged hoss to a duel. And he's challenged as to, I'm like, get a stray Frenchman. Well, that's, you know why?

See, they are gay. This would never happen in Emily and Paris. Get straight. This episode was written by a chess master. That's why. That's why it's as complex as it is. All the different pieces on the board. moving in different ways.

And that's why it was so boring. It took so fucking long. Oh, my God. Well, it turns out, I think it's the very next scene. What's his name? Sheriff Coffee comes out to the... Sheriff Coffee. Yeah, Sheriff Roy Coffee.

Comes out to the Ponderosa to reveal Francois Valon down there in Virginia City has written a poem that explains that Ben Cartwright murdered all three of his wives and stole their land. And he, now, I did not understand how that's going to make him money. Because he posted the poems up all around Virginia City. So he's not going to sell the poem and make money that way.

But it turns out his plan was to, Ben was going to be able to buy every copy of the poem. That's right. So it's extortion, but he's already posted them all around town. Yeah, I guess he'd go get them back. You have to go get them back. And he also paid for the paper. to print the poems with Ben Cartwright's money that Ben thought he was going to use for something else.

Oh, right. Yeah. Right? So he could have just used that money and not printed the poems. Well, it's like throwing a little fish back to catch a bigger one. That's what he's doing. Smart. To me, that's Checkmate. So that should be the end of the episode.

That should be the end of the episode. It ain't Checkmate, though, because your opponent is Ben Cartwright. He doesn't accept Checkmate, man. The Bobby Fisher. He said, what happens here? Walk in time to hear, well, he wants to kick him out, but Joe doesn't want him to go.

And Ben agrees that he did promise they could stay until the stage coach can get through, and he can't go back on that promise. So even though he's been extorted by this man, well, I did agree that they could stay until the stage coach could get to San Francisco. The duel is still on. Now Ben comes downstairs to find that his gold frames have been stole.

Oh, no. And his team of horses and his wagon. and he gets some old boys up together and go chase down Francoine Eloise who have left the Ponderosa with these beautiful gold frames. The other boys don't seem to understand why they're chasing him.

They're like, why are we chasing them? It's good they're leaving. We don't want them around anymore. But Ben knows, and they catch up to them, he finds his beautiful gold picture frame, gets back. Of the wives he killed? Of the wives he killed. Yes.

He wants to remember. I mean, if you go to the effort of killing three people, you want to have some kind of trophy from Christ Stakes. Yeah, it's like those animal heads he put it on your walls. Exactly. Yes, exactly.

He couldn't mount their heads on the walls. He has, those are just not in, open. Those are hidden. Yeah, those are in the, those are in Hop Singh's room. He has to stare at it while he's trying to fall asleep in there. Where is Hopsings?

Good question. I don't know. I'm worried. I don't know If you have to ask Okay Could I ask you Dalton if you don't mind And Matt

Have you guys ever been in a duel with anyone? Oh sure Yeah absolutely Each other they're in duals all the time Yeah you guys deal each other So not to the death Yeah Well it would be

But yeah If we use 22 calibers And we get shot in the shoulder I've been shot 20 30 times Like a We are so evenly matched That we found it impossible To kill each other

You guys have such bad aim That you never actually hit each other. We've never hit each other. It's like two of the non-glob-trotters teams playing each other. The Washington Generals against the Washington Generals? Yeah. I'd like to see here again. We're crackpot shots, but we're also so good at evading bullets that we never hit each other.

It's like the Matrix, yeah. Yeah, exactly. It's exactly like the Matrix. And it's also like crouching tiger, hidden dragon. Yeah. Because sometimes we just stand there and we're playing out in our minds the duel, and we don't have to enact it physically because mentally we know what's going to. Do you remember that movie wanted with Angelina Jolene?

Or you can bend bullets? Shoot bullets out of their guns. They twirl their guns so fast that the bullets would curve. Was Kitty Barvash in that one? Did he Darvish? Respect. Respect, please. Because you guys have seen so many movies.

I'm surprised. What's it like when you all buy a ticket at a movie theater? Are you on the AMC Stubbs plan? Do you speak to a person up front? I haven't bought a ticket to a movie in years. I'm a ticket broker. I go through a guy's like a travel legend but for movie tickets. So you never have to deal with anyone other than your broker.

No, and he takes a high premium, but let me tell you, it's worth it. I get some of the finest seats, some of the finest snakes. I tried to get Dalton to take me to a movie, and it was $10 for a matinee, and he had a heart attack. I couldn't believe it. I had to take him to the medical center. Ten goddamn dollars. What movie? What movie was?

I think it was, oh, it was Devil Wars Part of Two. We got to see an advanced screening. They're just putting out the casting music. right now. It's really advanced. It's like an animatic. It's a really advanced screening. I have no idea.

Because I had a heart attack. They do do a full animatic for devil where's product? They do. Yeah. Storyboard animatic. I'd like to see that. He threw a fit.

We had to get in an ambulance. It was a nightmare. Yeah. Normally I put a couple of sticks of dynamite by the exit door. How I get into see a movie. That's my way of getting into a movie. Well, okay.

Things only get more. complicated after this point in the movie. What the fuck is happening? Okay. He has stolen horses which is punishable by death so they bring him into town and they lock them in the cell but they're winking at each other like they're not really going to kill him and then they have

somebody pretend to build a gallows in the town square but really it's just a man who they've somehow persuaded to hit a piece of wood with a hammer all night long. And you can tell Adam gets this idea back on the range when they catch him because he He's already rolling his eyes and doing a mock tone, and he's got something cooking.

I think this is all his brainchild because he already loves the poet anyway. I guess so. And now Francois spends his last night on earth right in a poem. Epic poem. An epic poem that is also his last will and testament. Chess. Chess mate. It feels like the first draft of a late era Mission Impossible movie, but without the action scenes.

Oh, boy, you're not kidding. Just a lot of explaining what's happened or about to happen. Yeah, no removing of the masks either. I just want to see people do that the whole time. Oh, boy, I can't get enough of that. Can't get enough of those reveals. You should watch the original Mission Impossible television series from the same time period. No, thanks.

I'm okay. I'm okay. I hate what she says this. Look about Mission Impostable where you make a different pasta with every episode and you do a podcast about it with me or whoever. Oh, you meant like do that, like record that? Yeah. I was going to say I would watch that.

You guys don't have a podcast where you make a different episode. pasta and talk about a different Mission Impossible episode? Yeah, maybe it's on theme for what happens in the episode. What about Mission Impositable where you make pasta with a kitty? Oh, that's nice. I would do that just me. No, not a kitten. Not Kitty Darvish.

Why not? Because she's probably dead, whoever she is. She doesn't exist. She never existed and the person you thought she was died three years ago. Whatever. Let me dream. Oh, God, I would have married Kitty Darvish. Oh, Lord.

Oh, Lord. Oh, Lord. Man. Well, I'll be frank with you. For the first time in the history of this show, I don't understand how it ended at all. I'm glad it wasn't just me. I did not get it. I don't know why they had a ruse with him that he was going to get killed.

I don't know what they was hoping to achieve. He needed to. Aren't they trying to trick him into not killing him, getting himself killed? Because he wanted to get hanged, like the famous. whatever, Frenchmen. How come they couldn't have, when they headed him off at the past, just said, we're going to call the hangman unless you and your sister leave town forever. Right.

Yeah, why did they have to go through this whole rigum? Because I wanted to get hanged. And they were duty bound to turn him in, remember? But then they said, we didn't have to press charges. So we wanted, we had to bring you in. And he wanted to be brought in as far as I can go. They felt they were. So we did tell the sheriff, we'd bring you into jail if you committed.

It did a serious crime, and you did by stealing these horses. So we have to bring you into jail, but we don't have to press charges, which we didn't, and we fooled you into thinking we did, and that you was going to get hanged. It's just like the movie Tenet. Don't get me started on Tenet. In a good way or a bad way? In a great way. I talk about this movie a lot.

Is Salomey in it? Huh? Is it a Shalomey? No. Unfortunately is not. Pat and it's kind of like him. What about this movie? He's not small enough.

What's so great about it? The reverse farts. Reverse farts? I don't remember that. You should listen to her do it. She'll do it. She imagines the universe where it's going backwards while they fart. Because if you farted in that universe, you would hear the fart go back into the butt.

So, yeah, it would be like, it would be like. But beforehand it would be like, how would you say, excuse me back? I'm going to get me a shower. I bring this up on a lot of podcasts, and I feel very strongly about it. Someone backwards drinking a big glass of milk. Oh, now we know what the fart happened. Oh, gross. Nobody brought that up to those guys when they were making that movie.

I know. Either you have to show us this or the whole idea doesn't. And this is another thing I bring up on a lot of other podcasts, too. A quiet place. Okay. This is a world, we don't talk about this, where all the people who fart have died. Oh, interesting. Who fart audibly.

And a world where silent but deadly no longer means that. Silent but survive. Exactly. Oh, it's the opposite. It's a world of people who SBT all the time. Right. And isn't that special. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah. I'm reading my. paper on that. What paper? You are? Welcome back paper. About a quiet place?

Yeah. Okay. It's supposed to kind of be about what we did over the summer and what we learned or anything like that. But I think this really sums it up. My feelings about the world right now. Okay. I suppose if you look, there's a lot of movies you could probably look through it through

the lens of what if people farted in this world. Yeah, I know. Well, Benanza, they definitely fart all over the parts of Ponderosa. You can feel that. Right. What about biodome? Would that be a problem in there because it's an enclosed environment? Yeah, probably.

I'd imagine that comes up in that movie. I'd be really surprised if it doesn't. Right away. That a Polly Shore picture. What, isn't there an M. Night Shaman movie where he... Oh, the village. No, not for that one. Give me a time.

Sixthead. Hold on. The, oh. The beach one. No, not the beach one. That one'd be fine. Oh. Devil.

the devil yeah when the enclosed elevator trapped in an elevator it's how they finally figure out who the devil is it's who's making the stinkiest far oh the others no what ghost farts

oh shit I get with the end of the others again Crossroads Oh what's that one With Britney Spears movie I think I'm night Shyamalan did a pass on that Really? Yeah I'm maybe uncredited I can't remember yeah

Oh okay Because it's so spooky I don't know All right Let me just get to the end of this God damn Please let me Three young women in a car

At the crossroads of their lives Pretty spooky He leaves Oh God He just said I've got to find a rich husband For my sister in San Francisco And then I'll be free to be hanged

And that's the end of the episode For Christ Oh thank God I didn't understand this one I Walter Lessig He's too smart He's the David Lynch of the Ponderosa.

He's the David Lynch of the Ponderosa. I'm on my school's tertiary improv team. Tertiary. I started a second one because I didn't get on the first one and then I got kicked off the second one. And sometimes in a Harold in the second beat, I'll do a move that seems like it makes perfect sense for what's going on. And everyone just looks at me and gets quiet. Oh. It's because of your legs.

Your legs are so hairy, like, go hair-wise. It's just distracting. I got to wear shorts on stage. No, you can wear pants. I have to wear shorts on stage. It's just part of my persona. I decided early up. Oh, no.

Wear long pants, man. Wear pants. It's distracting. I'm a shorts guy on stage. It's just part of the persona. Shorts and a band-a- And you don't wear shoes. You wear your hooves.

I don't wear my hooves. I put my hooves into Tevas. Into divas. You think you can do better than him for a prom date, huh? Yeah, I do. I actually know I could with Davey Boots-Johnson. I don't know. What is your,

Harold's story. You're saying that you're drawing the connection to that and this. Well, you know how this ended. Yeah. It's kind of like trying to make a really connective move late in the show that you think makes perfect sense and everyone is just silent. And you have to explain it if like, well, because you don't want your sister to marry, to not be married and be single.

Oh, yeah. You want to not be hung until she can marry a rich man so you have to leave town. Right. And we're watching that whole end of the episode going, okay, I think I'm kind of getting it. It was truly one silent but deadly ending. if you know what I'm talking about. Well, they never should have done an episode about a Frenchman. That was a mistake.

Yeah. But listen, I mean, it's still better than any other television show out there. But this one episode did leave me. I have news for you, Dalton. Every episode is like this. No, no, no, no. Every episode feels like this one. It's not like this is some, like, exceptional episode that's not good.

You couldn't be more wrong. Couldn't be more wrong. All right. Does anybody have anything that want to plug? What about you there, little bopper? Well, you can see Little Bopper and the boys. That's my Acapella group. Oh, shit.

We are at the Ground Zero coffee shop on campus every third Tuesday. You got a coffee shop on campus of your high school. Named after the place where 9-11 happened? That's weird. Well, funny coincidence, it opened on the same day as 9-11. Yeah. And they decided it would be too weird to change it. And every day when they,

open up. They have two big vaity coffees and they hit them down like the towers. Oh. They do that every morning? Every morning. Just as an homage. And then they have Howard Stern impersonator coming and say some of the worst things you ever heard. Oh, wow. This place's got it going on. It's awesome. Wow. Buy kids, four kids. Beautiful. I'd like to plug that I'm going to Markey's high school prom. No. Oh, wonderful. Come on, Ann. Come on down and see it happen. Yeah, you got plenty of time to get into tuxedo shape. Which, by the way, what is your tuxedo?

It's basically like just like flap, flaps of burlap. Well, you've heard of a Canadian tuxedo? Yeah. I go south of the border to do a Mexican tuxedo. What is that? It's just tortillas. It's going to be made out of tortillas. You're going to be wrapped like a burrito?

Uh-huh. That's offensive. You are one lucky girl. I'm not going with either of you, by the way. That's okay because we're going with you. No, you guys can go together. Wow, bellow the ball. I don't mind.

sharing at all. As long as I have a prom date, I'll share you with anyone and everyone. You'll have one of us on each other. I don't want to be shared. I'm not Kitty Darvish. We could make little TikTok videos that's like how we order dinner with three to four then dating one woman at prom. How it started.

How is your algorithm? Yeah. You're going to be our Kitty Darvich. Ew. Kitty Darvish does sound like a plate of food kind of. I'll have the Kitty Darvish. Mild, please. All right, folks.

where it's time to wrap up this episode is one of the longest ones ever. We had a lot to discuss. We did. We did. All right, folks. Last episode. Thank you so much for being here, everybody.

Now get. Bye now. Bananas for Bananasas brought to you by Andy Daly with Matt Gordon. Theme song by Matt Gourney with The Journeyland, which in this case are Mark McConville, Daniel Mitchie Cove, and Wade. Bananas for Bananasas mixed and edited by Mark McComb. An executive produced by Andy Dayley.

and Mad Gourne. We'll see you around.