Bonanas for Bonanza - Bonanas For Bonanza Episode #80: “Gabrielle”

Episode Date: June 10, 2026

Subscribe to The Andy Daly Podcast Project at Patreon.com/AndyDaly After a significant diversion into the life of Elvis Presley's secret son, Dalton, Mutt and Markie celebrate Christmas Eve on The Ponderosa with season 3, episode 14, "Gabrielle", a beautiful episode in which the Cartwright boys constantly lie to a blind grandfather-obsessed orphan.Featuring Lily Sullivan & Matt GourleyMerch: redbubble.com/people/ADPodProject/shopMail: PO Box 9407 Glendale, CA 91226Email: [e-mail]’s website: andydaly.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is Andy Daly, inviting you to subscribe to patreon.com slash Andy Daly, where each month we release a brand new bananas for bananas for Bonanza episode, a bonus nannas for bonus nanzah episode, and two episodes of the comedy grab bag podcast, bonus nanza extravaganza. Plus, you get access to our Discord and other goodies. So do check it out at patreon.com slash Andy Daly. Thank you. So consult your TV guide, get your great outdoors inside, take some ponderosa pride and forever made. Rise for bananas. Hey, you-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h. Man, I thought that was a real wolf.

That was not a werewolf. That was a coyote. Oh, sure. No, I-shut. Shoot me. I ain't going to shoot you. What's still mad at me from the last time I shouted at this. A were-wolf would be like, yeah.

I like the moon. Yeah, that's right. They love that moon, man. Have you seen Twilight? That doesn't, it's not like that at all. Twilight zone, sure. Twilight. The actual occurrence when the morning turns from night time?

Never mind. Oh, you're talking about that sexy vampire movies? Yeah. Yeah, no. Sometimes after one of them is coming out, I'll go to movie theater. I'll stand on the doorway and I'll prevent people going in. They say, well, can I get a refund anyway? That's when I show them a gun.

I'm going to give you a goddamn refund. Well, anyway, hey, what are we doing? It's Bonannas for Bonanza, episode 80. 80. Wow. 80. God damn. We're talking today about season three, episode 14.

It's me, Dalton Wilcox, the number one fan on the world of the number one greatest television show of all time. And I'm here with Mutt Taylor. The other number one fan of the number one greatest television show of all time. It's a three-way tie for number one fan of Bonanza. And the third way is? I'm number one hater. Come on now. Number one, Peter. This one, I will say I identified with this one the most. Okay. I thought you might because you're a young person and there's young person in it. Yeah. It's a little girl trapped with a bunch of guys. She doesn't want to be around.

And all she wants to do is do something else and they won't let her. But the thing she wants to do is crazy. Yeah. This is a great episode. You must say, yeah, all right, you identify. I'm going to take that as a good sign. Yeah, we've done it. She's a big fan.

I'm officially brainwashed. Yeah. Congratulations. We did it. Hooray. I've been waiting for that Stockholm syndrome to kick in for so long. I'll take it anyway I can get it. I know.

Finally. Ho-wee. Because this was a damn good episode, man. It's got everything. It really has. Oh, yeah, I'll say what a... Hello, friend. Come on in.

The gate is open wide. Welcome to Bananas for Benazzo City. It's a three, episode 14. Gabrielle is what it's called. And this episode has everything. It's got a woman, right? It does have a woman. And two children and a filthy hermit.

And the biggest Christmas party the Ponderosa has ever had. It has singing. Everybody comes to this party. It is packed. What do you mean? About seven people are there. You're right. What do he mean?

What do you mean? biggest. In what way was this? That's sad if this is the biggest Christmas party of the Ponderosa's ever had. The way they explain this party, it's going to be like the nutcracker. Yeah.

And it's really just the Cartwright singing, four guys singing two-part harmony. Do you know what it was, though? Two times Ben Cartwright says to this little girl, he says, this is going to be the biggest Christmas party the Ponderosa has ever had, which is strange phrasing. And I realize this because in the original

script, it must have been, this is going to be the biggest party, the biggest Christmas party you've ever seen. But she's blind and they couldn't say it. Maybe that's the deal. As they told her, oh, there's hundreds of people here. You should see the decorations. Well, they were lying to the blind girl like most of the time. Yeah, that's true.

You can't lie to a blind person. What do you mean? Technically a lie. Because they can't prove it one way or the other, you know what I mean? If a lie is told in the forest. and there's nobody there to know whether you're lying or not. If you tell a blind person a lie, do they really see it?

Exactly. No, they don't. No. You can't lie to someone that can't verify the truth. You know what I mean? It's not even a lie. Right. Okay.

So what I'm saying is find a lie to lie to blind people. You can lie to blind people. I knew we were going here today. This is. I agree with that, though. So ableist already. I'm scared for the rest of the. Oh, my God.

Abel list. I'm definitely size of Abel over Cain. Not able. We're not talking about whatever the Bible or whatever. It's a Bible. Not whatever. You know, I like to have to swear in my guests on this show on the Bible to tell the truth.

I didn't read the Bible, but I watched a TikTok on it. It was like a minute long where they just recap the whole thing. A minute long recap of the Bible. Yeah, they were like, and then Joseph, whatever, and Mary. By the way, did you guys know that Mary's last name is Christ? Is it really? Yeah. Mary Christ?

Yeah. And Joseph's last name is Christ too. Because Jesus Christ. Of the Connecticut Christ? Really? I don't think you're right about that. I don't think you're right. No, I am right.

I think you're incorrect. But I can't tell you what their actual last names is. I don't know what it was. Christ means king, doesn't it? I guess so. I think it's just a title or something. Their last name. Then what's his last name?

How come that never comes up? Brimelman. Jesus Christ Brimelman Jesus Brimelman Christ I think it'd be You put the Christ at the end Jesus be Christ. Why does the Christ come at the end? Why wouldn't you say Christ at the beginning? Okay.

If it's going to be king. Christ Jesus Brimman. What is this a romance language? The adjective should come first. Wow, that sounded very educated for you, Mark. I know. Well, I'm smart now. I've been watching a lot of TikTok. Well, this is what I'm now.

Now you've sold me that you'd need to be enrolled in a Sunday school immediately. I'm telling you, I told you, I'm not going on you, your like weird church stuff. It's not weird. Sunday school is beautiful. You learn about the Bible. It is. It's great.

You learn all about them Jesus is. Make popcorn balls and learn home-ack for women. It's wonderful. Do you know what? What? I've heard that they, first of all, I don't even know if you have a home-ac program in your school. No, of course not. We don't even have a gym.

You don't even have a gym. But I've heard when they do have it. We don't even have lunchtime. They took away lunchtime? It took away lunchtime. It was. woke. It's too woke.

Lunch is too woke. They'll have boys in a home-net place. What? You do? Yeah. Are you going to join that ice? I keep telling her she should join ice. I'm not going to join ice.

You're really not? No. You sure you don't want to think about that? You tried to submit me like my application online. She's too young, apparently. But I think you get an application in early. They'll come looking for you as soon as you turn 18. Ice is a separate force that you can join distinct of other armed forces.

Absolutely. I didn't realize. Didn't you see the commercial that's airing now? Is that real? Yeah. Yeah. It makes you look like you're going to be a hero, joining ice. It would be wonderful.

Don't lie to a blind person. Are you joking or not? I'm not joking. There's really, yes, there's really commercials. They're looking for people. They've got all this money and they don't have enough people to give it to to join ice. But he watches so much like daytime TV. He's like literally like, you know, buying all sorts of stuff,

calling up the numbers. I have a lot of golden pillows. It's two separate things. I don't have golden pillows. Don't look at me like I'm crazy. I've got gold bars and pillows is what I have. Yeah, my pillows. Commemorative plates.

I got commemorative plates and coins. From the Franklin Mint. Sure I do. Yeah. Yeah, you've got one of those snuggy blankets. One of those huge teddy bears. Oh, yeah. Bear big. Oh, yeah.

Well, these are all investments and you'll be thankful for them one day. when you need money. I told you we should be investing in Labuboos, but nobody listens to me. We had some Labubu's sent to us. That's right. A nice listener sent three Lububoos. Oh, yeah.

Would you like one? Would you like a... Three libubububes? That's like $10,000 right there. That's what I said. I know. That's what, yeah. I gave one to Duckabee, and she basically ate it.

I deposit one into the bank. I just filled out the deposit slip. One libubu. I handed it to the lady and I left. I went straight. to the Ford dealership and did a one-for-one trade of a lo-a-lobub. I got an F-150. Beautiful.

Well, that's beautiful. I think you could have got two, though. Well, anyway, hey, you want to hear some things about the day this episode aired? Yeah. You're not going to believe this. This episode aired on Christmas Eve, 1961. Whoa, a Christmas episode. It's why it's a Christmas episode.

Yeah. Honestly. Can you believe really much at all, but yes. Sure it was. Do you think Christmas was crammed into this story? A bit. There's a lot of mention about Christmas Day. Just give it to a Christmas, blind girl.

Yeah, that's right. Oh, she was so wonderful. She didn't even know it was Christmas. They could have made any day Christmas. You know what I mean? She has no concept of time. Well, she can't look at a calendar. She says she can feel the sun on her face.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, that was funny when we're not talking about the episode. Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead. Christmas Eve, 1961, the number one movie is something called West Side Story. West Side Story. What's that? West Side Story.

About Los Angeles, like Santa Monica? I guess so. It was the highest grossing film in 1961. This is, I don't know how that's possible when they had such a wonderful movie. It's like King of Kings about Jesus. Wait, this is just becoming. I know. This is the first week.

It was the number one movie in the country. And they say it's the highest grossing movie in 1916. I call bullshit. That can't be right. Must be 62 or a highest opening weekend. All I know is what Wikipedia tells me. And I don't know how you find out how Wikipedia knows things. Yeah.

Is there some way to do that? I'll do some research for you. All right. It won 10 Academy Awards. What? No, this episode. But 10 Academy Awards. No, not this episode.

West Side Story. West Side Story. There was a role of both. Tony is an important role and they looked at lots of people for Bert Reynolds and Anthony Perkins and Marlon Brando

and Elvis Presley but he was too busy Colonel Tom Parker said no and he did Blue Hawaii instead. Wow. Elvis Presley could have been the star of West Side Story but he says no

and I'm going to unprecedentedly leap ahead to something I bet Colonel Walker just wanted to go to Hawaii. That's probably right. Yeah. I'd love to go to Hawaii. You're never going to Hawaii.

This is like, you know how she wants to go be with her grandpa? I want to go to Hawaii. We're never going to Hawaii. I don't recognize it as part of the United States. It's the most liberal state in the nation. Yeah, it is. It's not even connected by land. Yeah, exactly.

It's not. It's not even connected by land. Good luck getting there. You can't drive. Well, I know I can't drive. I would fly. Get about it. I'm already using, I'm gathering points.

Gathering points. Yeah, because when I was, when I worked for the Turkish Airlines, for the bald guys, I was just using all of their, their miles. How did you do that? I just would use their codes and log into my account. Did I get some of those? No. Because you're not bald.

Neither are you. Yeah. Yeah, but I worked for all those bald guys. I earned it. I'm just asking for the favor you could give some to me as your podcast co-host and friend. Well, I guess you can work with me now. I'm working for the guy to do bunyan surgeries for people. Oh, the same guy.

The same guy, he's doing bunyan surgery. In Turkey? Yeah, in Turkey. So if you want, you can get on a flight. We'll mail you over there and they can remove your bunions. Wait, how expensive is bunyan surgery that you got to go to Turkey to do it? This is a good question. It's really expensive in the U.S.

We're talking 20,000 per bunion. Jesus. Holy crap. But when we take you to Turkey, you know, you're looking at five grand per bunion. Like, it's so much more affordable over there. Well, yeah, but you got to go to Turkey. I say, live with your bunions. Get to know them.

Be become friends. with your bunions. Yeah. I'll open a business of that. Foot knot surgery. I'll be a foot knot surgeon. But then you have to have extra wide shoes like yours. Yeah.

I got the widest shoes available on the... Those guys got it. Those are like cowboy boots for horses. There's so a lot. Come on. You don't put a cowboy shoe on a horse. What? Cowboy shoe did you say?

Cowboy boot. There's no such thing as a cowboy shoe. Who said cowboy shoe? No, cowboys have shoes too. If it's a shoe, it is. definitionally not for a cowboy because cowboys only wear boots. You don't think cowboys ever wore just a shoe?

Hell no! Then they wouldn't be cowboys. Gotta wear a cowboy boot. That's why they call it a cowboy boot. No, there are days when they need to wear like actual gym shoes and stuff. That's a cowboy shoe. Or when they go to like a nice dinner,

you think they're wearing their cowboy boots that are covered in shit and stuff? They don't know they have nice cowboy boots and shit kicking cowboy boots. No. They have shoes too. Cowboys have shoes too. That's the cause of.

I believe in. If you are wearing something other than a cowboy boot on your foot, you're not a cowboy. What? What kind of sandal? What kind of sandal? The first example is a cowboy hat. Cowboys don't wear hats. You think if a cowboy went to Hawaii, you think he's wearing a boot?

Why would a cowboy go to Hawaii? Why would a hell would a cowboy go to Hawaii? A vacation. Cowboy doesn't need to go to Hawaii on vacation. There's beautiful places in Arizona. You don't think he... Are you going to? I am crying. I cry every time we do one of the things.

You don't think a cowboy's going to go to Hawaii. A cowboy won't go anywhere. They can't ride a horse to it. That's right. So you can't go to Hawaii. That's so small-minded. It's so... It's a fact. I think they wear sandals, like Birkenstocks or something. Like a cowboy burke. What? A cowboy... Why do you think they put rhinestones on some sandals?

That's like for cowboys. girls. A cowboy burke would be the upper part of the boot is the cap, but then when it gets to the foot, it's just the straps and the open toe. That defeats the foot. No, no, it would be a closed toe. It would be a pointed, like, almost like a cowboy boot and then a little bit of a heel, but open everywhere else.

If I saw somebody wearing that, I'd kill them. I'd kill, I'd have to kill them. I'd have to kill them. I will too. And I don't think any jury in this land would convict me. Well, why would they? Oh my gosh. That's a crazy idea.

But anyways, forget about Hawaii. Cowboy chaps. This is the ninth of 19 weeks that walk on by is the number one song on the country's music charts. Lord Almighty. All right. But we got a new number one song on the regular charts. It's called The Lion Sleeps Tonight. Beautiful.

That is a song written by, white men in America. Goddammit. We did it. God damn it. That was written by a white guy. It was written by white guy. Now, my God, I hate it. I've never listening to me. Well, now, but they put it in the movie The Lion King in 1994. And that's when some girls down in Africa says, no, our father wrote it and recorded it in 1939. And we ain't seen a pity because he sold it to the rich. And then they come up with a recording. I don't know how they did this, but it's a recording of exactly that song and that tune from 1939 or some shit. And the Disney is people's is all woke.

Disney, woke Disney. Cut him a big check and cut them in on the royalties. But that's a song by white people. It sounds like it was written by a guy in Africa. Some guy named, so original title was an Mbubi. and his name was Solomon Linda, and he was a migrant worker and a South African musician, a Zulu fella.

And I don't know how they falsified a 1939 record to just to take money away from Americans. Wait a minute. When did the hit song come out? This was it, 1961. 601, right? So 20 years, 22 years later, they put it out?

33 years later. Did they find the original recording? Is there a story behind how they stole it? Yeah. Okay. So Linda recorded it with his band of, I forget what they was called. But they recorded it and then sold it for 10 shillings to his record company.

I don't know what a shilling is. It could be a million dollars. It's not. And then that guy took it and sent it to America and somebody passed it to Pete Seeger. Oh, yeah. And he recorded a version of it called Weem Away. And then the tokens heard that and they says, well, let's put all kinds of, make it about a lion. And they says, but make it about a lion. So it wasn't about a lion originally? I don't think it had Angloosha words. American words

wasn't on it even with Pete Seeger done it. Disney paid them. But what record, wasn't the record company responsible? I think, I don't know. But my guess is that Disney was. The Disney was, When they put it in the Lion King, they went and bought the song. This is some Paul Simon type shit. What do you mean Paul Simon? He's a wonderful American. He stole all the songs from Lady Smith Black Mabazo. Who?

Give him credit. Who the hell is she? I ain't never heard of her in my life. Lady Smith, so this is a fella that makes women? Oh, interesting. Oh, my God. A lady smith. This isn't many of sex doll things that you're into.

No, it's not. I am into those. but this is not one of those. He's got nine of them real dolls. You ever seen them? Man. Yeah, I've seen him in his garage. They're all just sitting in a semicircle waiting for me to come and do my little dance.

They are beautiful. They're not using them correctly. What do you mean? I just want an attentive and appreciative audience that I can't get. You can't get actual mannequins. You don't need to get sex dolls if you're just going to have them set. But these are real dolls. And the mannequins don't have this expression.

They're always surprised. So pleasantly surprised when I come in the room. It's just wonderful. Don't perversion shame, mut. Oh, my God. You're perversion shaming him. Well, now, okay, we talked about Blue Hawaii. Well, okay, the celebrity birthday for this day is a big one.

It's Elvis Presley Jr. Wow. This is the son of Elvis Presley. So he swears to God. He says he is the product of a, union between Elvis and a woman named Angelique Petty John on the set of Blue Hawaii. He says two them hooked up and they, and she had a baby and they put it up for adoption because Colonel Tom Parker said, that's a day ain't going to do for you to have an illegitimate child.

So I'm put up for adoption. Now, this guy, his name, he was, okay, he was adopted by married circus performers. Uh-oh. Which makes sense. That's Colonel Tom Parker's word. I feel like I've been adopted by circus performers. What do you? I, what?

There's like the vibe going on. I'm trying to adopt a picture of this fella because you look at what's, what's his daughter's name, Lisa Marie? Mm-hmm. Yeah. She looks so much like Elvis. I don't remember this from the Austin Butler movie. They didn't mention it at all in that film?

No. Interesting. It's just Tom Hanks in a fat suit for most of it. All right. Elvis Presley Jr.'s website is Oh, he's got a website. It's a little. So he must be

Elvis's a West. Of course he has a website. How else could he afford a website if he wasn't Elvis's What is your algorithm that this is popping up for you? It's a His website is upsetting and it's hard to find. I never find it on the first try. That's the beauty of it.

You got to really want it. Yeah, you got to really want it. It's not, he ain't a writer. Let's put it that way. there's a big cross. Yes. Elvis Aaron Presley Jr. says,

welcome to my world. Your sight of truth. What a horrible font. I can't make out what that says at all. Well, I think it's beautiful. There's a lot of Jesus content on here. Whoa. Okay.

Let's make every day the true spirit of Christmas love. Oh, that's thematic to our episode. That's nice. The real. Now he's using the Disney font. Yeah. The real Elvis Jr.'s website. Okay.

That's him? That's him. He looks like a vampire. In that picture, he does look like a vampire. Why does he put real in quotes? It's not quotes. It's asterix's. He's emphasizing it.

May God bless you all. May the life bring you joy to all Elvis fans around the world. All right. He's only the vice president of his own foundation. Somehow. Who's Elaine Presley? That's his sister. So Elvis had more than one kid with this illegitimate lady?

That I have half-siblet. I can't explain that. She's looking like Elvis, though, too. Yeah. How can they have his last name? I'm from that. God, I wish I was some famous kid's daughter. Well, you're the niece of someone very famous.

He's not very famous. He's beloved. I, Elvis Presley Jr., totally pledged to you that my site will always be a site dedicated to truth. After seeing my site, be sure to check back it's always updating regularly. Oh, no. There's going to be some anti-back stuff in about a second year. Always is in quotes again. A very huge site may take a few seconds to load on some devices.

Sorry, my site isn't designed for some iPhones, etc. My hosting had some crazy reason. This isn't possible. I'm told some sites can't be displayed these and other devices. Please use only computers or laptops, okay? How will you know that? What is this picture with the, it's Christmas? And then there's like haunting black and white images of him and his sister

popping out from the tree and there's cats. You read out the name of this URL or post a link because this is. Elvis Presley Jr. or something or other. Oh, wow. Slash index. And then a cat in the Santa hat. Previous, my best friend, RIP, a true gift from God.

Prezious. Prezious. So is that a pun on his last name? I doubt it. Oh, my God. It's a beautiful website. Bill, baby Elvis Presley Jr. with Santa.

That's him as a baby. Santa's looking scary. Yes. Santa looks like his beard starts at his eyes. Sometimes that's true. Okay. important statement from Elvis Presidency. Well, he does look like him.

Yes. First of all, after all what people had put me through in my life, I'm here now because of my will of to pursue life with the hope of God's glory. All was it close again? What is going on with the clothes? After all, truth is like the sun. You can close the shades and hide behind the darkest closed windows, but it'll always be there as strong and proud as the Almighty.

Oh, mighty. Not the Almighty. The Almighty. In truth, we can't pick. Like, oh, behave. In truth, we can't pick of whom our dad or mother will be somebody, and I want to stoop myself as low by saying their name that's kin to me called somebody I'm very close to. Claiming to so-called warning them said, he's a liar. He's not who he says he is.

My reaction, your ego and most likely greed is very. sad has made you to be blind to truth. Why is very, yeah, why it's very sad. It's all in quotes. This whole, well, this is a quote. This is his reaction. Oh, boy.

You wasn't born until way after 16, 19777. Whoa. And most likely didn't know President Ronald Reagan, President Jimmy Carter. It's said to be kin. Mama Mary Jenkins, Sleepy George, blah, blah. I guess some people have been trying to tell this guy

through his life that he's not Elvis Presidency's son. Uh-huh. That would make you mad. Yeah, so mad you make a website. That line says this is, is as in quotes, a true, true as in quotes, fact. They all at Graceland knew me being around dad over the years and dad saying he's my boy. God was always there plus tax.

Plus tax. I think that's an Elvis joke. I think Elvis used to say something like that. Oh, really? I do understand when others has claimed to be me, it can make people wonder, but I promise you, I am the real one. Thank God we found. So please be kind to me.

I can promise without doubt I'll be kind to you. Does he want him to be mean? I live like the Bible says. Do unto others. It's S-A-Y-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-Postrifice. Do unto others as you'd wish they'd do unto you. If everybody did such what a heavenly-like world we could have.

We'd could have. Yeah. Well, this is like an old diary entry from when I was like 10. Look at the scroll bar how much longer? I know. Oh my God, we have so much longer to go. I know.

I guess we'll do the whole website. I guess we have to. Oh, take you. Wow. One of my most honored endorsements. I must say of many endorsements that is known to had been around Elvis, this above picture tells much. Mama Mary Langston,

as we all had the true honor to had known and called her Mama Mary, because the love in her soul and expressed to those around her, Made you feel as she was... I read this already. I didn't understand. How far did you get? I got real far. This is Elvis's personal cook who made him peanut butter and banana sandwiches all the time.

Well, where do you, after reading so much, where do you come out on this? This is Elvis Presley's son, damn it. I'm Arkey? What do you think? Yeah, I mean, I think this is a very damaged person and I'm worried for his mental health. What are you talking about? He's great. This guy's doing fine.

Well, of course, after all he's being through, people telling him he's not Elvis's. Just because he was raised by a couple of circus performers. And I don't know. I believe, I believe everything I hear. His manager says, he says, he says, he became the world's youngest animal trainer at the age of 12. He almost lost a leg in both arms. He was bit through his skull. He speaks seven languages.

Wait, that's... That's Elvis Jr.'s manager gave that quote. He was bit through his skull. Yes. So he has brain trauma. That's why he's putting things in quotes all the time. I also believe there's probably been a younger animal trainer than 12. Age of 12?

Do you remember what's the crocodile guy? Crocodile Dundee? No. Steve Irwin. No, was Steve Irwin? Yeah. His kids. He was starting with a baby.

He was like putting his baby out there in front of the alligators and stuff. That's the youngest animal trainer. I believe he's on Dancing with the Stars right now. Steve Irwin. The crocodile hunter's son, I believe. Is he really? I think so. Oh.

See, look at how beautiful the world is. Isn't they wonderful? Anything can happen in this beautiful world. Let's try and get Elvis Presley Jr. on Dancing with the Stars. Yes. Why not? I thought you was going to say this podcast. I would love to have him on the podcast.

Maybe by Zoom. Just to be saying. So we can close. Where does he live? Memphis? Some place like that. Yeah, Memphis. I think he's trying to live at Graceland. He doesn't understand why they want to live.

He went, oh, there's an entry on here about him going to Graceland and they made him buy a ticket like everybody else. He's so mad. He's like, I'm Elvis Presley's son. You make me buy a goddamn ticket. I want to visit my half of the house is what he said. Oh, wow. Poor fellow.

I'd like to go there with him and argue that case with him. Let's hear some fun facts. about who's in this episode. You think you're ready to hear some fun facts? I know. I think you are. Go ahead. Diane Mountford, who played the blind orphan.

Beautiful blind orphan. She was a child. She's probably still alive. As a matter of fact, today, according to IMDB, is her birthday. What? We're recording this on September 30th. I believe she's turning 88 years of mold. Holy shit.

Is she still blind? She was never blind. Can you believe it? She got her sight back? Oh, she was, this is an actress pretending to be blind in this episode. Can you believe that? I mean, I guess. I can pretend to be blind, no problem.

We'll see. She does an amazing job. Now, I can lie to you. All I want. Here's how I know she isn't blind. She was one of the nation's youngest professional skin divers. Skin divers? Yeah, skin diver.

What are you talking about? You never heard of skin diving? No. What is that? I looked it up. You just can't use any equipment. Is that what it is? Yeah, that's right.

Skin diving. So you go find like abalone and shit. You got to hold your breath a long time. So you just, you mean you just go underwater? With your eyes open. And you're wearing just like a bathing suit. So you're going swimming.

Except holding your breath and looking at things. Why are you trying to take the magic out of it? Why didn't they have to have such a disgusting name? Skin diving. She's diving for skin. That's like, it has pedophile vibes. Oh, no, it doesn't.

Oh, you mean because it's like, I don't want to say. She's just a beautiful little girl going skin diving as one of the names. There's too much. Everybody's all like, she's such a beautiful little girl. Yeah, a little bit. I think her little brother was on the up and up and everything was going to go well there. No, that was really dark. I found him alarming.

He's like, she's really beautiful. Yeah. And she looked really scared. They like didn't use a take where she looked like happy. She could smell his like predator pheromones. She's not safe. Also, we're getting in that. She said, I know is you, Haas, because I could tell by your hands, but she paused.

And I think really what she meant was your scent. Tell by your hands. Well, she, this girl, she did a whole ton of acting in the 60s as a child. But then she was in a movie called Doctor, You've Got to Be Kidding. What's the diagnosis? Would you like to find out, all right. Doctor, you've got to be kidding. I'll look.

it up. What do you think it is? Like, yeah, take a guess. Eight cancers? I think it's syphilis. Oh, syphilis. All right. Doctor, you've got to be kidding. Doctor, you've got to be kidding. George Hamilton. Is that right? Yeah. Is he the doctor?

Uh, lo. I've got too many questions. You're backed up. I got to blow my nose anyway. Excuse me. I'm having some kind of allergy attack. Heather is the lead singer for a band that it's on its way to fame and fortune. Things get complicated when she becomes. pregnant and has three men willing to be both husband and father. Whoa. So she's loose. It's Mama Mia. That's the plot of Mama Mia.

But her boss isn't one of them. Her boss isn't one of them? Right. So why do we? Yeah, why do we need to know that? Something tells me her boss is the father and he's not willing to come forward and be the husband and father. Well, they really spelled that out. Sandra D and George Hamilton. So that's Dr. D. from Greece?

Sandra D who is referenced in Greece. Yeah, she's referenced. Look at me. I'm Sandra D. Lousy with virginity. Skin diving. Skin diving. Ew, you guys aren't a lot to say that. You're going to get arrested for saying skin diving.

But I'd like you to write a song. A whole album of songs about skin diving. Hand me my guitar. All right. Hand him his guitar. That thing's going to fall off that thing is on there. that yeah there you go oh all right beautiful guitar we're going to get a song about skin diving finally how long has our culture waited long enough we can wait a little while longer

beautiful lately i've been living and thriving me and my girl are going heavily skinned Me and my girl, not a stitch on our bonds. Ew, what? A stitch on your bonds? Except for the stitches I got by getting hit by dirt clods. Now, I'm a songwriter. What the hell's a quad? A dirt clod?

Yeah. That's like a clump of dirt. It sounds like a made-up word. You go by the emergency room any night of the week. There'll be people in there getting stitches for dirt clods. Thank you. I think you could have said, You could have said you were spinal rods.

Like you had scoliosis surgery. That's good. I took my spinal rod straight to her body. Ew. Skin diving. You had sex with her via your back? Yes. Oh, Lord.

That was your idea. You're the one that said that. You said spinal rod. You didn't think he was going to make that sexual? Of course, it's a ride, God damn it. How is this my fault that he made the song? creepy. Because it is. Mine was a beautiful love song

sung to one of my real dolls. Her name was Diane Mountford and I couldn't find anything about her past the age of 23. Maybe she was in an all-female production of Romeo and Juliet in Glendale in 1993. Maybe. Whoa, she had to have played

the nurse or capulet later. I don't know. She might have been in a play with Rachel Dratch in New Hampshire in 1988. Or those could be different, Diane. Mountford's. I can't tell. Doesn't your friend Andy know Rachel Dratch probably? Andy Dudley, maybe a little bit.

You should ask him. Yeah, that's right. He should ask him to call her up right now. Yeah. Hey, Dratch. You work with that blind gal from Bananza? Yeah, Mary? It's tough because, as I say, she wasn't really blind, so you can't identify her that way.

You know what I mean? She wouldn't know if she worked with Rachel Dratch because she never could see her. She never could see. No, she wasn't blind. I'm trying to say. John Abbott played Zachariah Wickham. Would you care to guess how old that actor was in this episode? Was the Hermit?

That's the guy from Back to the Future. Incorrect. That is not. He was not in background. Yeah, that's what he looked like. No way. I'd say that fellow was 43. No, he was 56.

I thought he looked about 80. But he was in Shakespeare in an old Vic company, and he was in a production of Hamlet at Elsa Nork. Castle in Denmark with Lawrence Olivier, Vivian Lee, and Eric Dillon. Was he English this fellow? Yeah. Wow. I know.

He hit his Englishness. Crazy that he did all that stuff with Michael J. Fox. He did nothing with Michael J. Fox. He was long dead by the time Michael J. Fox did anything. Really? I don't know. But, uh, all right. He was in a, uh, who cares?

All right. Kevin Hagan was the Everett Paster. He was Dr. Baker on Little House on the Prairie. That's where I recognize. He was Dr. Baker on that. I literally don't even remember that character. Really? From this episode?

Yeah. He was the father who stood eager to take in the girl. Oh, for crying out loud. I remember the thing he did. I remember the mom more. Yeah. He was in a movie called The Soul of N-word Charlie. But the N-word is right there in the title.

Whoa. Yes, it's one of three movies in a series that have that word in the title. And is it referring to that word? Yes. What? I think they called those black exploitation westerns. I don't know, but that's strange to see that word in the title. Was it always called that or they recently changed it to that?

Oh, no, I'm saying. You're editing it. I'm doing the editing because I don't want no troubles. Finally, you listen to me. Yeah, I listen this time. Well, okay. Oh, and then he wrote a one-man show. call about

based on the Dr. Baker character from the Little House on the Prairie called a playful dose of prairie wisdom. That sounds real good, didn't it? Isn't that sweet? I'd love to see that.

It'll come around when you're doing your Sunday school. No, I'm not interested. I'm going to try to get the rights to. I'm going to a, we're all going to take MDMA at a concert. Mixed martial art. What is it?

MDMA. What the hell does that spell? You're going to get your medical degree? What is that? Oh, she's going to get a medical degree and a master's degree? No. Well, that's pretty ambitious, young lady. I don't know if you've got smarts for that.

Yeah. You might as well try flying to Hawaii. You're going to a concert. What kind of concert you want to go to? It's like electronica. Oh, God. They put an A at the end of the word electronic and try to make it into a music. It's real music.

Ridiculous. Evelyn Scott played Drew Paster. She was a soap opera star, and she was Los Angeles's first woman disc jockey. Whoa, a DJ. That's what I'm going to see, actually. It's an AI DJ. Oh, really?

Yeah. An AI DJ? Yeah. Good Lord. Good Lord. How could AI be a DJ? You guys know that new AI actress? Yeah, so.

Oh, from Emily and Paris? No, not her. She's real. How many times I'm saying? That's Phil Collins. daughter. Well, I don't know how Phil Collins ended up having an AI daughter.

Tilly Norwood, the new AI actress, who I'm obsessed with, I love every movie she's ever been in. But she also, she's a DJ, so that's what I'm going to see. She is. Oh, where are you going to see her? I'm seeing her at Millennium Park in Chicago.

What? I used your credit card. Oh, God damn it. I got to stop leaving my credit card out. How is she going to appear live? Is she going to be a hologram? Mm-hmm. It's like that Abba show in London. It's like that.

It's just like that episode. Un-fucking-believable. But there really is AI actress, a second AI actress in addition to Emily and Parrish girl. Yeah, Tilly Norwood. Apparently, the news going around on deadline that there's, the agents are bidding.

They're fighting over her. Because here's the thing, she's so young and fresh and she can work hours and hours and hours. It doesn't matter. She has no opinion. It wasn't the whole point of AI actors to be cheap, and now if this one's going to be expensive, because they've got an agent.

What's the point? I'll work cheaper than that gal will. Yeah, man. And longer hours. Yeah, you guys will do anything for the spotlight. Absolutely. That's right. Just trying to bring attention to Bonanza.

Michael McGreevy played Jeremy the little boy. He was a Nepo baby. His father was an Emmy Award winning writer for the screen. He was a child actor. He was in Sally Fields' first movie. He was opposite Kurt Russell and a lot of Disney movies, live action Disney movies. He wrote a movie called Ruby and Oswald.

Can you guess what that's about? Oh, yeah, the assassination of... That's right. You're so smart. All right, whatever. You can't finish. What? Of Robert Kennedy, Jr.

No. Okay, you guys ready to talk about what happened in this episode? This is the greatest goddamn episode in a long time. Let's get excited. It was fine. Oh, come on. This episode starts with guys. Hoss and Little Joe is out riding in the wintertime,

and they find a wagon that's been smashed to bits and two dead bodies. What a way to start! And they look up, and I think they see that the wagon would have fallen from like a high, high height, right? Yeah. That's what killed him. And then they look around and they find that there's a little girl

who I guess also fell from that high high. Or orchestrated the whole thing. Yeah, I think she killed him. You think? She's not even blind. But if she fell from that height, then not only is she blind, but she's unbreakable. She's got unbreakable disease like that movie is wrong.

Yeah, like Bruce Willis. Yeah, exactly. That's right. So because she seems to maybe bumped her arm. That's Mnai Tramala in that movie, right? Hamana, she's, she is. The cartwrights decide this girl is their responsibility. They're going to take her in.

Yeah, a bunch of old guys, creepy dudes. We like, come to our house. I'm talking about the cartwrights. This is Ben and the boys. Come to the Pondurasia. where we fuck our dad. What? They do not.

What? That has never been depicted on the screen one time or even referred to. You know they do. They go skin diving occasionally. They don't exactly. Skin diving sounds like guys fucking. No, for Christ's sake. I edit all that out.

What are they doing on the Ponderosa? They're either fucking each other or they're fucking the animals. Oh my God. They're so many hours out there alone. You're telling me they don't get some. You're so limited. in your perception. They're fucking each other.

They're fucking the animals. They could also be getting fucked by the animals. Okay. Well. Okay, fine. I agree. They're getting fucked by the animals. Wait a minute.

You'll learn about this when you go to Sunday school. A good person to wait until they find a perfect wife to marry. And then they'll do all that what you're talking about. They were probably grooming her. The blind girl. They're like, stick her out of Ponderosa. I'll marry you someday. Oh, yeah.

Ain't nothing wrong with that. No. It's a great idea. Well, she goes to sleep. She reveals that she and her parents were traveling to see her grandpa for Christmas. All right. There's a dove on her windowsill. There's so many animals on the ponderos all of a sudden.

They have been fucked. She can hear all these animals. She's blind, but she can hear animals. And she loves them. And she spooks a horse. And then she gets real close to that horse before. Haas saves her life. I was worried there.

Wouldn't she worry? Yeah. Yeah. Not really. And then they all watch her eat and drink milk. They buy her a dress. Well, wait, before that, we learned that her grandpa is a wild hermit, Zachariah Wickham, who lives all by himself up in the mountains.

He was falsely in prison for 21 years for murder. And the family's got to go see him. He can't go see the family. they had to travel in the winter time across an icy pass with a blind girl with a blind girl to get all the way to see him up. A blind girl, she's like not even wearing a coat in the snow. That's true, that's true. Well, that's how it was in those days.

You had to visit your hermit grandpa. He wouldn't come to see you. They had to go visit the scientists from back to the future. Now, there's two instances in this scene where it looks like Hop Singh is going to say something, but the camera cuts away before he does. Hop Singh, the moment where they're like, oh,

Hoping, can you, can you, like, get her something? And then he just falls over and everyone laughs at Hoping, how stupid he is.

Yeah. It's really offensive. Offensive how? What do you mean? He's a funny Chinese man. He's funny. Because the vibe is like, oh,

even the blind girl thinks Hoping's the stupid idiot. Well, the blind girl says, you need to watch where you're going. Now that's funny stuff right there. She's like, now I've seen everything. I got my eye on you.

Silly hop sing, can't even walk anywhere. Now Ben sends Adam to Virginia City to buy clothes for her. Why did that happen? Why did that happen? Why did we need, first of all, whenever I see Adam, I go, who's this? I never see him in any of the other episodes He never has any plots about him Well Adam, yeah

He's a dud That actor didn't want to be on the show He had the same attitude toward bananaser than you do Well, he was right He was wrong I stand Adam Talk about his pilot that he made Or was it a series where he was an air traffic controller

Oh really? Yeah Okay, yeah, that sounds right Tense thriller every episode Him trying to figure out all that So he's just at like the switchboard And he's like I think he runs the room

Yeah, so Idiot. Check that out. Should have stayed on Bonanza. Sounds like wings. Wings. Okay. D.G.

All right. Joe reads her bedtime story. That also happens. Then she rides off. They're going to go see Grandpa. It's Haas and Little Joe and the little girl they're going to go up and see Grandpa

and they find him and he's crazy. He's threatened to shoot him. He says, get out of here. I don't want nothing to do with you. And she's... The family expecting then, if this is what the grandpa is they were going to, was he, is he changed or what?

Well, he's been to jail for 21 years. They haven't seen him all this time. But he says, I got no granddaughter. Get the fuck out of here. She reminded me of you. Why, hit on, what you're talking about? Your whole life, but just the like, the only things we have in common is that I am always holding a gun.

And I am often in the company of a goat. Other than that, there's nothing singular about us. They based the Haas and the the three sons. Did they base them on the three little bears? What kind of a question is, what are you talking about? Because they're all different sizes.

Three little bears. Because Haas is the big one. And then whatever his name is, Adam is the middle. And then you have Little Joe is the little one. They did, but it wasn't on size. It was on temperature. So Haas is really hot. I don't know what neither is usually talking about.

I pictured them all sleeping in different size. beds. Are you talking about Goldilocks? Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. They're not three little bears, dark. It's a mother bear and a father bear, and there's only one little bear. Exactly. It's the story of Goldilocks and the one little bear and the two are grown adult bears now. You're thinking a three little pig. You're thinking a three little pigs. Whatever. They're all the same. If the three cart ride boys was the three little pigs, I'll tell you right now, little Joe would build that house out of straw. I know he would. Little Joe. And Haas would build it out of, what's the second? sticks.

Okay. Stupid horse. Smart old Adam would build it out of bricks. I know he would. So in that regard, maybe they are based on the three little pears. And the bears. They come by them. There's not. There's only one.

They look like the three bears. Who are you saying is the mama bear out of the three of them? Their whole man, damn it. The Adam is the mama bear. Why? Because he's medium sized. And he's got tiny little teeth. Now I finally understand.

The beds are, the beds are too big. No, the beds are two-s-something. Yeah, exactly. Your metaphor falls apart. Immediately. All right. What are we got out here? Okay, she comes home and she's so sad.

All she wants to do is to be with her grandfather. She is obsessed throughout this episode of being with her grandfather. I think she says grandfather or grandpa, like, I'm not kidding, a hundred and fifty times. Yes. My grandfather, my grandfather, my grandfather. And Ben says, you can't make someone love you if they don't want to. That's tough. He's already blind.

Give her a break. Yeah. But Ben says, hey, I got a family that would love to take you in. Their daughter died. When he said the pastors, I was like, oh, my God, he's taking her to, like, a church. I thought so, too. Yeah, I did too. That's not good.

The family name is pastor. I didn't even get that until halfway through after we'd met them. I thought that's just a couple of pastors. They did have creepy, like, religious vibes. I will say that. Yeah, for sure. They're like, we'll take him the kid. You're like, uh-oh.

Yeah. Because they're kind and just. Generous and open-hearted people. I was a little boy. I went to stay the night at my friend's house and his parents were like that and then they kissed me goodnight. It was...

Ew! On the lips? Well, maybe, yeah. No. But they gave me a Battlestar Galactica action figure. There you go. So they bribed me. I stayed at a religious friend's house once

and they had a seven-foot crown of thorns on the wall in the living room. That's beautiful. And they had religious things all over the, like written all over the walls. And they had a... They believe in a giant Jesus. And then they had next to the bed

like this big like Jesus on the cross and I was so scared the whole night. Scared of what? Scared that you was going to be protected from vampires? It was creepy. Religious is creepy. I think you need to know this. What? Yeah.

Well, you're going to get over that in Sunday school. You're going to learn. I'm not going. Oh, you're going. All right. Ben goes to the pastor's house. And this is a wonderful scene because they've got a little boy who sits in the corner wordlessly watching this everything with just a passive. They cut to him a few times.

He's just staring at them having this conversation. I was worried about that young man. I'll tell you right now. But the mom and dad, they can't wait to get their hands on this girl. Bring her over. Get her over. Why are you even asking us? Of course, there's a girl that needs a home.

Bring her here. Damn it. They're mad that they're even being asked about it. And then it says, but there's a catch. She's blind and dad goes even better. Yeah. And then there's another catch. Her grandfather is the wild hermit of Davidson Mountain. And they go, well, bring her over. They still want her. You can't say nothing to convince these pastures not to take her in. That's right. It's creepy. He says, when they're talking about maybe she would live with her grandpa, there's a line there where she says, says, you're not thinking of leaving her with him. I heard he just shoots at anybody that comes up there.

And Ben says, well, that's true, but he is her grandfather. Now, they decide this is done deal. They are doing it. They are bringing the child. And by the way, nobody ever asked Jeremy's opinion. The little boy, do you notice that? They never say, Jeremy, what do you think as our son here, who's one of the three of us? Do you have an opinion? Not a word. I have an issue and a concern. He's a grandfather. He's up there in years. He could die soon. Yep. She can't get down the mountain if something happens.

Yeah, it's a recipe for just like, it's creepiness up there. Yeah, of course, she should stay with this beautiful pasture. But also, do you, the cartwrights are always talking about, like, to her, like, you're a woman. Yeah. Like, you're a grown woman, aren't you? You're an adult. And everyone keeps saying that to her, and I'm like, she's, like 13. It's, like, it's really, like, grooming vibes.

Grooming vibes. Come on now. Gabriel wants to be where you. Oh, yeah, Ben says to her at some point. He's just, little girl, your grandpa lives in a man's world. So do we. You wouldn't, you can't live here with us or with him. He's talking about fucking animals.

He's not talking about fucking animals. He's saying it's a man's world. So he says, all right, here's make a promise. You're going to stay with the pastors until Christmas. How about that? And then he, that's when he promises, the most wonderful Christmas party that you've ever seen on the Piron to Rose that's ever been on the Ponderosa.

She can't see it though. Everybody's coming. And all she says is, I wish Grandpa would come. Grandpa, Grandpa, Grandpa. That was a good impression. Thank you. Those brings her over there and this is when Jeremy, the little boy takes her up to her room and

he learns that she's never been to school because she's blind. And then he says to her, you're sure a pretty girl. And it's uncomfortable. Yeah, he's unpacking her things. Yes. You're super. She's like, I don't want you manhandling my dresses. And he says, I'm happy to do.

And he does it anyway. And then she just like kind of stares off uncomfortably. What else is going to do? She does. She stares straight ahead all the time. And it's certain lines of dialogue of hers are a little creepy when she's staring straight ahead. She's got that child actor voice of that time too where she's, well, I told him. Yeah, I told him.

Grandpa, I want to be with my grandma. I love my grandpa. I love him. Well, Jeremy, for being creepy in this next scene, he gets slapped in the face, man. That was good. How's she got that kind of aim? I don't know, man. If you get slapped like that by a blind girl, don't tell anybody about it.

That's humiliating. That's humiliating. But he says, your grandpa, he's just an old hermit with a dirty beard. That was it. She heard enough. Slap. After he's taking her all. Is that when he took her up there?

No, that's what, and then she plays a mind trick on him. She goes, you're too chicken to take me up from Mount Davidson to see my grandpa. She's like, I want to see my grandpa. Grandpa, Grandpa, Grandma's not the one to worry about. It's her. Yeah, I know. She tricks him. She tricks them into going all the way up there.

It's a long ride in the snow. She's a bad seed. It seems that way. Guys, don't talk about blind people like that. Grandpa threatens to skin them. Jeremy runs away. Skin diving. Skin diving.

diving. She then she breaks into his house basically, which is a very he keeps a tidy home for a hermit, I did feel. And then she goes toward the fire and he saves her from the fire. See, he's starting to soften up a little bit. Well, she doing that in the

way that Lois Lane jumps into Niagara Falls kind of calling the bluff because you'd think she'd know to feel that he'd not to put your hand out to the fire. Oh, that's a good guess. I think she was manipulating him. Yeah, she's basically the Megan doll.

Yeah. She's got everybody wrapped around her finger. Yeah. This child, this blind child. Manipalive blind.

We do think she probably killed her parents, right? For sure. Uh-huh. Oh, man.

She's orchestrating everything. Jerry's out of whether she's even blind. I agree. Hey, I didn't say that. Just for the record.

I never said that. But she thought it. Maybe I thought it. But, well, what she really wants. She wrote it on a note

and passed it to me to say. I didn't say it. She ain't blind, just like Stevie Wonder. Now, what she really wants is to be helpful to somebody. All she wants, because that's a woman's job in this world.

She's going to be, she wants to fix her grandpa's shirts and help mend his socks and do all the things he needs doing up there alone. That's all she wants. She says again again. And so she does, she has intruded upon his home and then she fixes his shirt.

And she just, it's amazing. She happens to lay hands on a sewing needle and a thread and a thread and a thread. Just right there where she sat down. It was there. She does it. She threads the needle blind. Yeah, it's amazing. That's why she's not blind.

I didn't say it, but. I passed her a note this thing. Yeah, exactly. I'm reading his words. Well, the cartwrights ride up to save her. And that is one of the longest wordless sequences and the history of the this show between the riding and the walking. We really see every part of it.

It was beautiful. I was so thankful for it. And then what happens? They take her away. Right. That's all. All right. Her grandpa's gone at that point. He left. Well, that's right. Well, now they come back down. The judges want to be needed and all this stuff. And now it's getting ready for Christmas party. It's a Christmas party. The guy, Ert rights are all gussed up in their string ties and they're saying. joy to the world and then in comes the pastures with what's her face, the little girl, blind girl. She has a name?

Gabrielle, the whole name of the episode. Okay, all right, all right. She has to Adam, is there an angel on the top of the tree? And she says, it's the most wonderful angel. That's the creepiest part. Those creepy guys alone at the Ponderosa, fucking animals, decided to make this little angel resembling the blind girl. and put it on top of the tree. They didn't even know she was going to come.

And they're all sitting there and making the creepy angel. I was like, these guys, they need to get back to fucking the animals, this stuff. It is scandalous, what you're saying. I don't agree with that word of it. But she says, he says it's the most beautiful angel you could ever imagine.

That is the first time, I think, for sure, that somebody has lied to this girl. It's not a good looking thing. It's not good. Art is not their strong suit. I would say no. Well, okay, Santa comes down, but it's really hoss. But does she, she gets upset by the fact when she feels his beard?

Yeah. Yeah, because the beard reminds her. She's like, my grandpa, grandpa, grandpa. I thought it was like, this isn't hoss. It's really Santa. Santa's real. Oh, no. No.

She's like, I know it's you, hoss. Beard, grandpa, grandpa. That was the process. And then they're singing another carol. I like this. How about a few carols before dinner? I'm going to say that the next time I have a party. No.

How about a few carols before dinner? How about a few carols before podcast? At least you'd ask. Most of the time you just launch into your songs. Yeah, that's true. I do like to do some, we do a prayer, and then we do usually three songs, and then a prayer and then dinner. Every morning he wakes me up with rise and shine and give God the glory. Yeah, that's right.

It's a beautiful song. I do that to myself. I wake myself up that way. You know what makes me mad that when you're already awake and I don't get the chance, I tell her to get back in. that goddamn bit so I can sing my song. You can say God damn. I do. God damn it. Well, now a gunshot rings out and interrupts this beautiful Carol. Thank God.

And it's Zachariah Wickham. Of course. Oh, I forgot to tell you that Gabrielle left her book up at Zacharias's house. That's okay. All right. But now Zacharias has come back the way he announces his arrival. Yeah, that's a huge pop point. Let's make sure that's included.

It's real important because that's why Zachariah says, you took something from me, referring to his granddaughter. And he says, I'm returning her book. She left it up there. And then there's some nonsense about she says, they've got an angel on top of the tree. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. And he's like, but you're blind.

And she says, inside I can see. She's like, I can see it, grandpa. It kind of seems like her blindness has been cured by the love of the cartwrights. I didn't say it, but it was a powerful thing. Uh-huh. It would be. Well, he agrees to go. into the Ponderosa.

He didn't want to, but he agrees to go in and be a part of this Christmas party. But do you think at some point they went, oh, we got him, we figured it out. Oh shit. He reeks. I did think that for sure. I don't know how you could eat around that.

You know what I mean? Yeah. I did think that. Don't invite. It's a nice gesture to invite him in, but when he says no, just say, okay, because he smells terrible, I'm sure. But they're all going to go to the the barn and fuck the animals soon.

They are not. There is no animal fucking on this show of any kind. It's animal love. It's not even that much. No, it's not. The animals are bad animals and the men are men and they're waiting to get married and then they'll have all kinds of sex with humans. No, they cover themselves in the bronzer and then they fuck the animals all day.

Oh, for Christ. They're not doing anything out there. There's not that much work. Well, it's a beautiful happy ending. I can tell you that because she's, I guess, going to live with the pastors and grandpa. Oh, she is? I don't know.

I thought she was going to go back up to the... You think she's going to go back up to Grandpa? Yeah. Oh, dear. Because he's like, you took something from me. Oh, yeah. I guess she's going to go live with Grandpa. So she's going to go up there.

She's going to be like him soon. Stinky. Oh, yeah, she is. She's going to be a filthy, bearded, blind hermit girl. Yeah. All right. So had better be a New Year's Eve episode. Oh, it could be.

Finally see some action. There's only 351. episode left. Oh, no. It's so sad. We're almost done. How many are we in? 80?

80. Yeah. Yeah. 80 hours of my life. It's almost over. Hey, well, it's been a wonderful 80 hours. I'll tell you that. And this was a great episode.

Does anybody have any final thoughts on this wonderful episode? Do you think that cowboys have cowboy bathing suits? Cowboy bathing suits? Yeah. No. Oh, no. Why would a cowboy swim? A cowboy might

Swim No a cowboy might weighed in up to his waist To save a calf In the Russian waters But that's about as much as swimming as he'll do But when he's in Hawaii A cowboy would need a swim

Cowboys say Hawaii Second of all Cowboys don't go to Hawaii Right Because you can't ride a horse there What about if Do they go to like Tahiti

To what? They go Cowboys go on beach vacations Hell no. If there's a cowboy listening, please reach out and let us know where you go on vacation. If there's a cowboy listening.

We got millions of cowboys listening to this podcast. They're all basically shouting right now. Yeah. Go to Scottsdale. If there's a cowboy listening, please take a break from fucking your animals. Send us a picture of your sandals and your, yeah, your cowboy swimsuit. We've had a lot of fun.

Let's knock it off. I don't know how to... of Hawaii. You know what? This is one of those situations you can't prove a negative. How do I prove to her that the cartrides

aren't fucking their animals? You can't. You can't. But I can't prove they don't. God damn. This is a real Schrodinger's sheep. Yeah, that's what it is. All right.

Well, Mark, I'm glad you loved this episode. Yeah, it's fine. I'm glad you don't want to go to Hawaii and I'm glad you're going to be going to Sunday school. I'm going to see Tilly Norwood. Tilly Norwood.

I'm going to check her out today. Yeah, she's great. She's so great. Yeah? Yeah, she's so pretty and young. Very talented. I can't wait. She looks so real.

She looks so real. She's so good. Well, everybody will say it was Emily and Paris that paved the way for this. All right, folks. We'll see you next time. Thanks for joining us now. Get it by now. Bananasas brought to you by Andy Daly with Matt Gordon.

Theme song by Matt Gourley, with The Journey. Which in this case are Mark McConville, Daniel Michicob, and Wade Ryder. Bananas for Bananasas mixed and edited by Mark McCombe. Executive produced by Andy Daly and Matt Gordley. We'll see you around.