Bonanas for Bonanza - The Andy Daly Podcast Project Presents Extravaganza Octopod 1, Episode 8: Extravaganza: Embarrassed by Emily in Paris'"

Episode Date: February 21, 2026

Having endured so very many episodes of Bonanza, Markie Wilcox now grabs hold of the remote and compels her Uncle Dalton to watch season 1, episode 1 of the fast-paced and Europe-filled Netflix series Emily in Paris. They're joined by Mutt Taylor and Ted "Little Bopper" Sanders.  Featuring: Lily Sullivan, Matt Gourley & Dan LippertSubscribe to The Andy Daly Podcast Project at Patreon.com/AndyDalyMerch: redbubble.com/people/ADPodProject/shopMail: PO Box 9407 Glendale, CA 91226Andy’s website: andydaly.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is Andy Daly with another episode of Bonus Nanza Extravaganza, which is a comedy podcast Grab Bag series that Matt Gourley and I have been doing exclusively on my Patreon for the past few years. Well, now I'm releasing an octopod of eight extravaganzas here every Saturday. These episodes were lovingly hand-selected by the Patreon subscribers for your enjoyment. And if you do enjoy them, we certainly hope you'll consider subscribing at patreon.com Andy Daily. With that, I give you the Andy Daily podcast project presents extravaganza Octopad 1, Episode 8, Extravaganza. Embarrassed by Emily in Paris. Enjoy.

All right, I can't get started with a yee-ha this time. I don't know what to get started with. Also, I can't think of a French gun to fire except for a misfire that just goes, God damn. I think we should start with a... Mm-hmm, hmm. Mm-hmm. Oh, wow. God damn it.

This is the worst thing that's ever happened. Oh, my God. This right here, this is an abominable nation. Yeah. Everything that's going on, try to explain it to the listener, if I can. Welcome to Embarrassed by Emily and Paris. episode the only one. No, we're going to be watching the whole series.

No fucking way. No fucking way. Here's what happened on a recent episode of Bonannas for Bonanza. The wonderful, fantastical, wonderful, wonderful Western TV show, the greatest television show of all time. Can we all, I think we can all agree on that. Hell on earth. I says to my niece,

I said, what is the one TV show if you can make me watch a TV show that you see? And she said, Emily and Paris. Emily and fucking Paris. No, Emily and Paris, there's no fucking. I'll say, first of all, I was thinking like, maybe this is an auspicious day. I dialed it up, turned it on, and there are a little warning of like smoking, flashing lights. Nudity. Yeah.

There wasn't no fucking nudity. There was at the end. What? The end, you see her. decalitage. Her what? No. Let me explain to you something.

There wasn't a single hooter, pooter, or shooter. Ew. Okay? Ew! And I'll tell you what. You know what I'm talking about? And I thought maybe, at least,

at least I'll get to see some rosy flesh. And I never saw nothing. Like we've ever seen any of that in Bonanza. You see one lady's like ankle once and everyone's like, oh, geez, I'm going to come. Isn't that something? I can't believe what you just said. We are also joined by a fellow who was here when we was talking about watching Emily in Paris.

He was a wonderful guest on Bananas for Bonanza. Ted Little Bopper Sanders is back. Dang dang dang a bang a ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding whee. Hey guys. Now Ted, you are you believe yourself to be and whom I'd argue the reincarnation of the big bopper himself. Correct. I was on an episode that was very apropos for my... Stop using French. I'm sorry.

Yeah, really. Very good for my background. It's very bon. Oh, my God. You bring up the point when you said... Blah-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-wee. French, when they say yes, they say we-wee. That says it all.

They're just saying, hey, you want to go swap meat? Piss, piss. It's just like, come on. I didn't want to sign up to watch your stand-up special today. You're lucky you didn't have to. You're getting it for free. All right. I'd pay million dollars to see Mutt Taylor talk about anything.

Rather than this garbage fucking namely impaired. I'm doing a TED talk. I got to know, what's your angle at the beginning of the special? Right into the stand-up or like a directed pre-roll? I do a little green room piece so people can see what I'm up to before. my little pre-show. What are you doing back there? I'm delicately sliced.

I have one of those leather fringe jackets, but it comes as a solid piece, so it's just me with some scissors. Cut me, cutting the fringe? Yeah. You do that before every show? I do.

Okay, I didn't know. A little behind the scenes. Yeah. Yeah, a little boppers here because we have a project. Oh, yeah. You guys are doing a, what kind of a, oh, it was a geography project.

You still working on that? We got, we got like a B on that. Oh, you did. Yeah. Originally, I was partnered with Michael Williams, but he kept calling the teacher Zesty. So he got suspended for three weeks. What do you mean? Why I called the teacher Zistis.

Well, Zesty is a new, it's a couple years old, but it's a new kind of homophobic term that you could call somebody. It's like a feminine. Okay. Yeah. I thought Zesty would have been a compliment. Like you got a lot of life. You got a lot of spring. It is a compliment.

to be gay. Well, I agree. But so why is he getting in trouble with you? Yeah. Well, he meant it in the direction. They gave him the out too. They said, is this a comment? I said, no, I'm being homophobic.

And so they gave him three weeks. I appreciate that. People should admit when they're being homophobical. Own it, man. Well, what was it? There's a food specific brand that would say zesty, like zesty Doritos? Zesty Cool ranch.

That's it. Yeah. So that's gay ranch? Yeah, that's gay ranch. A gay ranch? No, thank you. The chips aren't gay, but it was made by gays. Does that ever come up in an episode of Bonanza?

Like a rival ranch? Gay ranch. A gay ranch? I am going to tell you guys right now, I would love Bonanza if it was a gay ranch. Instead, it's a bunch of brothers fucking each other on the Pondurasia. That's incestuous before it's gay. Okay. There have been a handful of veiled references to the possibility of gayness on the Ponderosa,

but never zestiness. But there's definitely incest. No, God damn it. There's not incesty. There's in zest, yeah, yeah. That's why I had to kill all his wives. They found out. So he can fuck his sons.

God damn it. Stop saying these terrible things about the guy right? I've only seen him like this one time. You better be careful. How dare you? Son of a bitch. We don't know. why Ben Carbricht murdered his wives, but I'm sure it's not because he was gay.

I'm not saying he's gay. I'm saying he's incesting. Oh, still. All right, God damn it. One thing before we begin, and this is true, we should be very careful because Emily herself, she lives like two blocks from here. Oh, my God. That's true story. Sir isn't old. Why haven't you introduced me? I've only seen her one time, but she was very kind. She had a big smile on her face. Oh, I think I read that. Believe it or not, I read a little bit about the cast of this. She's in some kind of a house called like Experimental House Number 10, the case study house.

What? Formerly owned by Kristen Wigg, who then moved down the street. What the hell? What kind of neighborhood is this? Full of stars. Merrill Street lives by it nearby, too. I'm not joking. Isn't that weird?

This is actually making me like hanging out with mutt, and that's really weirding me out. Do you want to go to like an arcade? No. Oh. Okay. All right. So we need to keep our voices down just a little bit when we talk about Lily Collins who plays Emily and Paris. Bill Collins' daughter.

Bill Collins' daughter. Can you believe that? Wow. Why can't you be a celebrity? Oh. I want to be related to one. I am a celebrity. I'm a celebrity too.

I'm a country music outlaw. Yeah. I'm the foremost cowboy poet in the world. Yeah. And I did a country cover of, Take a look at me now. Oh, yeah. I'm just an empty space.

Don't even know if those are lyrics. And you looking back at me is against all odds. Somebody stop me. Stop it. Okay. Unfortunately, you released the exact same day as the Postal Service cover of that song. That's right. And that one kind of eclips yours.

It was also released the exact same day as the movie, The Postman, which really eclips all other media. That's a real good movie. We talked about anything for about six months after. And it was 9-11. There, we got it out. Oh, yeah, I know I wanted to bring that up. We are recording this on.

How many minutes are we in? It is 9-11. Oh. And I just wanted to give a shout-out. What do you want to say? Shout out to 9-11. Shout out to everyone who's celebrating. Now, Ted, a little bopper,

put some money down on how long it would take for Marky to mention that we were recording this on 11th of September. You thought it would be sooner than this, I think. Yeah. I said I say three minutes? Yeah, I think that's right. I held out. All right.

You guys all owe me. I just figured because she did a whole, she forced the school to do a never forget day. I did. Um, where she did a video and like a runway. I acted out the falling of the Twin Towers. Oh,

a runway? Yeah. Like a fashion? It was like a fashion show where I was showing off my designs. And then I had another girl who's my same height kind of walk out. And then, um, we got hit by, um,

A wave of indifference? No. What you're describing is in poor taste. Isn't it in poor taste? No, it was honoring the victims. And then we fell on the ground once we were hit by a bunch of basketballs. Basketball. I'm not seeing the correlation there.

Unfortunately, we have a pretty bad basketball team. So the first like three to six basketballs fully whiffed. And everybody said, we wish this had happened on 9-11. We wish they had. Yeah. You got the basketball team involved in this business? Yeah, I've got the old basketball team throwing the basketballs at us. We fell on the ground and then we just kind of reenacted all like the news afterwards.

Really? Yeah. This sounds like. And you don't like Bonanza. No. And you didn't get suspended for this at all, huh? Because they'll suspend you at the drop of a hat. No, they didn't get mad at me for that.

They got mad at me afterwards when I was trying to get everyone to sign this petition. For what? To honor 9-11 on a daily basis. Every day. Every day. Well, we should keep it in our hearts, I think, every single damn day. Right. Beautiful.

Thank you very much. Christmas. I'm trying to keep Christmas in my heart. Believe me, it's hard. All right. Now, you say, Phil. Collins's daughter is Lily Collins. That's right. I watched this

whole thing and I thought she was AI. She does look so perfect that she could be AI. Right. Yeah. But you really think she's a human made up of genetic material? Well, hold on. Maybe Phil

Collins is AI. Well, maybe, I guess. I doubt it, though. He's been around a long time, hadn't he? He doesn't particularly look AI, I suppose. When you're a child in Hollywood, you basically are AI. Okay, all right. That helps explain it.

Right? There's an uncanny valiness about her, isn't there? Yeah, she's too perfect. Do we know, is her mom also a notable celebrity? Oh, who's your mom? I wrote it down, I think. No, I didn't bother with that. Because I was more interested, too, that she's married to the son of Malcolm McDowell

and Mary Steenbergen. What? Whoa. Yeah. I didn't know they had a son. I didn't know they were together. Me neither. She gave her heart to someone prior to Ted Danson.

Yes, she did. Ted Danson is this young man's stepfather. Malcolm McDowell. Yeah. And Mary Steenburgeon. I went to high school with Mary Steenberg's cousin. Get out of here. Natasha Steenberg.

Holy shit. Jill Tavelman. Who? Jill Tavelman. That's the mother of, of, of, The beast. What's she known for? Jesus Christ.

What's she known for? She was born on April 9, 1956. That's what she's known for? Her birthday? You might recognize her from her birthday. And she's 5'6. Whoa. Born in 56 and 5'6.

Weird. Very notable. She didn't have any, she's just a mom. If there's another 6 in there, we'll know she's the middle. Your internet is really bad over here. Why don't you get on the Wi-Fi? Stop complaining. Here, I'll put it on.

You get on Phil Collins' his Wi-Fi. Yeah. Yeah, what's his password? Lily Collins. Sledgehammer. Here, I'll see. What's the Wi-Fi for house experiment number eight? What?

She must be a gorgeous person, I suppose. Yeah, she's pretty. Because Phil Collins is gorgeous. I'd say he has not distinguished himself through his physical beauty. Is that fair to say? Very diplomatic. It's what my generation, we call it now Shrekking when a beautiful woman gets with a less attractive man. Now, forgive me.

It's going to sound like I'm asking out of character, but it's in character. Is that true? I just, I scrolled by an article that said that yesterday. Shrekking. That is what that is, I guess. Yeah. You couldn't follow it too far because Shrek also gets with the troll. Well, I mean, Fiona is like not exactly Lily Collins.

In my day, we used to call that King of Queens. Kevin James, the OG Shrack. Mm-hmm. I'm going to tell you the premise of Emily and Paris because I watched this episode and I didn't catch any of this. I saw you crying, Dalton, you loved it. I cried one time. It says,

Emily Cooper, an American from Chicago with a master's degree in communications who moves to Paris for a new job opportunity, she is tasked with bringing an American point of view and social media presence to a venerable French marketing firm. Reading that description took longer than the show did to get to the... I can't believe how quickly they get her to Paris. This show is too goddamn fast.

It's cut. It's empty. Oh, my God. Because every scene is it like 200 minutes of silence of two people like fighting out on a dirt road? And then they go into a saloon and have the slowest conversation I've ever seen. Yeah. Yeah. All right.

I'm going to be a, I'm going to be a moderating presence here. And I'm going to say, okay, sometimes maybe Bonanza can be a little bit slow. I'd call it deliberate. Sure. But you have to meet me halfway and say this show is too fucking fast. This show had everything. Oh, my God. It had Bill Collins' daughter.

It had. uh, croissants. It had multiple women. Yeah. What was up with that? Where did they find them? That was weird. There was, Francis must have a lot of women.

Well, but even before she goes to France, she's in Chicago, and they, two women had a conversation to one another. That was strange to me. I know. It's like it. Yeah, and they weren't talking about a man. It didn't make any sense. Yeah.

You're right. weren't. How did this get on TV? I don't know. And then she goes over to France and there's like two more women, isn't there? Yeah, French women. Two more women. I found that very, I was really torn. Like you would agree, that's too many women, right? No, I actually felt like there could be more women. Because I'm prepared to be reasonable and say that sometimes maybe an episode of Bonanza could have a woman in it when it doesn't. Well, this had two women and A vibrator. A vibrator.

Is that what that was? A plug-in vibrator, no less. At the very end, you mean? A plug-in vibrator. Yeah, yeah. I was wondering what your email about when you said, why was she going to sing karaoke alone in our bed? That's what I wanted to know.

It's not a karaoke, it's a vibrator. Is it a plug-in vibrator? Is that unusual? Or they mostly seems unusual to me. It is unusual for the year. Yes. It's kind of like Most of them are remote control

It's almost as if it was a comedic plot device To end the episode I couldn't believe it was the end She's a hyper modern What do I need to explain? She's a hyper modern woman She's not if she's plugging in a vibrator She uses a vibrator from the 70s

It's actually It's like people going back to analog She uses a used vibrator from the 70s Vintage There's no telling me what kind of hairs on that thing It's vintage, analog, like a record player, or like, I don't know, VHS, DVD. Okay, all right. Vibrators from the 70s have to be buried at least 25 feet under the grave.

That's right. For virus concerns. I thought this was at the beginning of an ad read. Dalton thinks that COVID came from vibrators from the 70s. 70s vibrators are, first of all, they're full of lead. That's right. Asbestos. nuclear waste

and racial insincentivity. And they were still somehow kind of made a little bit for a man's pleasure instead. Yeah, that's true. The vibrator finishes before you do. They do still work. They're not disposable.

They do look like a flashlight. And you can get them repaired because I've seen a vibrator repair man come over and go like, I'm going to fix one of these old ones because the new ones you just throw them away and they expect you to buy new ones. Oh yeah, planned up. You have vibrator repairman coming over?

Sure I do. Sure I do. Well, Emily and Paris could have used one in Paris. Well, we're getting a hit of ourselves. Emily and Paris could have used one in Paris. I just want to say, of course, Markey, I really support the women being in touch with their own sexuality and the way that they showed in this show.

Please don't look at me when you say something. I really support women being in touch and sexuality. Ew. Yeah. I don't. I don't really. That's the only response I'm okay with, actually. Have you found a date to the prom yet?

Did. No. O for seven now. You've asked seven girls. So it's still September. It's still September. So I got time to go. I'm honestly, because as I said on the last one,

I was only going to do it on podcasts. Oh, yeah. I'm running out a podcast to ask women out to prom on. We'll take some time here. Was that? Take some time. Go ahead. Ask someone.

Oh, well, I guess what I'll do is, Marquis No This is you got Rarely in life Do you get a second change I'll handle this I'm a broker for these kind of things

So ask me and then I'll Talk to her I'm looking for Marquis to join me On a Marquis Sorry I was going to be his Marquis Don't speak to him

I'll handle this I'll come back to you That's a French version of your name He's going to give me his offer And I'll give you that offer I'll take Marquis to prom She'll go She says yes.

Awesome. No. Let her know. I'll pick her up at eight. You agreed to mediation. No, I don't. He'll be there at eight. He'll be there at eight.

You guys, you kids have fun. You need to go out. No. No. I'm going with Taggart. Taggart. Taggart. Officer Taggart from Beverly Hills cop?

Who the hell's this tagger? This is first time hearing of any goddamn tagger. He's Taggart. Taggered Milson. Taggart Milson. What's his deal? He's hot. He's,

um, I don't know. he wears glasses. I need to approve any. But his don't work. They're just for fun. They're like hot. Yours are like for actual vision.

Yeah. He brings a briefcase to school. Oh my God. What's you keep in there? Change of glasses. Yeah. Well, he has like, he's one of those guys who like changes outfits midway through the day. Good Lord.

Like Yelton John? Yeah. That's a kind of a guy. That ain't a kind of a guy. a guy. Does he soil himself? Why does he do it? No, he just wants to, he's a fashion guy. He's like really fashion forward. And so he'll change his outfits moving through the day. No, you're right. I think if that happened in my high school, you would 100% assume the person that shit himself. If they're wearing something different later in the day than they had on early in the day,

the only explanation is shit. I heard this story from a friend of mine. She was at a party. Okay. And she said that it's got to be true. Oh, dear. Excuse me. Oh my God. I'm sorry. sorry. Please don't break anything else. Sorry. This is why I'm not going to go to town with him. Did you see that? It's too late.

You already are. No, I'm not. You can still go a tagger, but you got a three-way. No, I'm not getting three-way. I'll drive you guys. I'll sit in the cuck chair or whatever you need. You guys have cuck chairs at the first. The home-coming queen, the home-coming king and the home-coming cuck.

Home-coming king. They're also a home-coming Shrek? Yes. It was frequently the same as the cock, actually. These are beautiful new traditions you guys have found. Your generation might be all right after all. Yeah. 70s.

All right, you got a friend at school. You heard a story. My friend at school, she was at a party and she said that in the next morning when everyone was waking up. There was like someone had shit in the shower. And she was like, this one girl was like, oh no, somebody shit in the shower. I'll clean it up. I'll be the one to clean it up. Oh, guilty.

And everyone's like guilty. she absolutely shit in the shower. Of course she did. Because who in their right mind would always start to clean up the shit? There's also that old adage, whoever shower shit powered it. So.

Anyway, I just wanted to share that. Okay. Yeah, that's right. Look, folks, if you shit someplace you're not supposed to, do not volunteer to clean it up. That's the list of that story. Never, never, never.

Just say, who the hell did that? I'm leaving. That's actually really good advice. Yes, it is. By the way, there's a big turd in the corner, and I am not cleaning it up. Yeah. No way. I will.

Mystery solved. You want to hear about some of the people that was in this episode of Emily and Paris? Yeah. There's actually going to be modern credits. I can't wait here. Oh, yeah, there's all kinds of great modern credits. Philippine Leroy-Bolo was in Newfmph, Moise, un-eero-borgays, and vattle.

Who is that? I don't know. Which one did he play? Which one was he? It was a girl. She played the ball, her Paris ball. Oh, the smoking lady. She actually is French.

Because her accent sounded very American. I know. I wasn't sure. That made me mad. She was awesome. She was hot. Jeez. And I told a bit.

Have you guys ever seen La Bureau? Deli-I-Gis. Yes, I love the Bureau. Yeah, that's the only French I'll watch. I don't know that. It's really good. It's about a spot. Yeah, but good news they made the American version.

You don't need to watch the Frenchman. That despite it's amazing cast, did not hold me. Really? CSI Miami is not the remake of the Bureau. You're right. It's a remake of CSI, which is the remake of the Bureau. Yeah, and that's American, God damn it. There's another guy named Bruno Gouari.

He hit this poor fucker. He has a French acting career and an Italian acting career because he's fluent in both languages. Which one's more slummin? I don't know. There's another guy named Samuel Arnaud. He was a finalist on La France Aune Incredible Talent.

Is that America's got talent? I don't know. Some other asshole named Lucas Bravo. He's the chef who lives downstairs from Emily and Paris. Did we meet him? Yeah, she falls in love with him in this episode quite clearly. Oh, that hot guy. I guess so.

Honestly, there were so many hot guys. It was like hard to pay attention. Can you believe that shit they do with how they number floors there? There was a major element of this show. That was really emphasized. And for good reason, it was a really important plot point. Yeah. If I never even noticed this, what is the difference?

In the United States, if you have a building that's got more floors than just the two. The bottom one is zero or one? One. In the United States, it's just one, two, three, four, five. In France and elsewhere, it's ground floor. Then the second story is one. I swear I've been on an elevator where in America where ground floor is an option. Or lobby. Or lobby. At least it's not those horribly confusing elevators at the Burbank 16 movie theater where they're, they're all colors. But there's like a green and a light blue and an orange and a red that look kind of the same. Oh, no.

So I never know which floor I'm on. I just got to walk around. I'm sorry. I really don't want to hear your stand-up side. And don't get me started on the Bonaventure Hotel with the glass elevators because sometimes it just looks like you're standing still, but the world's fucking sinking. Can I get a shout out for me up here on stage? Shout out to 9-11.

No. You're supposed to know. the way that a parking lot is a parking lot because there's a pee in front of the one. Impossible. Oh, yeah. All right. So they got a problem over there. Their number and their floors are all wrong.

And it really becomes a problem for Chef Gabriel, who was in Sue La Solil Desaint-Tropes and Plus Bel LaVie. That was one. title or like five titles. Two different shows on TV over there. Two different shows. I'm France TV. These assholes. Yeah. But he was also in, he was in Ticket to Paradise with George Clooney and Julia Roberts. Oh, was he the son? I'm probably right. He seemed to be fiance. Something like that. Yeah. Also, Roe Hart Tramp is the boyfriend in Chicago, back in Chicago. Wait, is it French guy? No, he's an American guy with a stupid name. His name's Roe Hartchfeld.

Heart Tramp. M-P-H? M-P-F. M-P-F. Heart Tramp. His name ends the way Michelle Pfeiffer starts. He's done a lot of things. He's a dud.

She needs to cut him out of her life, by the way. No, I think that those two are going to make the distance. This is a five-season long show now, right? And I'm sure this guy's still... If you have an option between an American man and a French man, you go French 100%. What are you talking about? Let me ask you this.

If you have the option to an ally on World War II, do you go American or French? This isn't World War II. You guys are obsessed with World War II. Well, that brings me to what was the most angering part of this old goddamn episode. This guy we're talking about, Lucas Bravo, Chef Gabriel. He says, he's from Normandy. She says, oh, D-Day. And he goes, what are you talking about?

He never even heard of the D-Day invasion. Incredible. She said, oh, I love that beach. Yeah. You know why he hadn't heard of it? Why? Because no French soldiers invaded Normandy. Only Americans, Canadians, and British.

I want them French to wake up every goddamn morning and salute the American flag and say thank you for D-D. Omaha, Utah, sword, and gold. I don't want to talk about World War II. I'm doing a stand-up team. You guys always want to talk about World War II. Nobody cares. What's up with Stalin's mustache?

Are you going to whisk broom the porch or have a program in Eastern Poland? Why is everybody laughing so? Welcome to 2025. There's more important stuff than World War II. Not that I can think of. Were you guys, I'm having trouble reading your ages, which is a compliment. Did you guys ever serve in any of the wars? I did as a young child.

I served in World War II. I did. I was a courier. I've seen so many movies that took in place in World War II that I consider myself a veteran of war. I agree. I was your first service. You're welcome.

You did work in a factory for a little bit. I was in Nome. I was in Nome in 89 on vacation. I think we covered this. Thank you for service. You're welcome. How is the food? It was pretty good.

Would you have like a quid-clune roll or fo-g-g-gaw? Yeah, a plow-clun, which is also. I believe a deep cut character from the Star Wars movie. Okay. Did you have a bombsail? I had a Bibb Fortuna. Babu Frike. I had a Babu Frick.

Sure. I had a Zuckus. I had a 4-L-O-M. A Bosque. I had a... In Vietnam? Uh-huh. I went there.

The only thing I ate of their local cuisine that I care for at all was the salacious crumb. That was an after-dinner treat. You also didn't go to the bathroom the whole time you were there. That's true. I told you that. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't want,

well, that's the case whenever I travel. I'm not going to, I'm not giving them my pee and poo. These goddamn foreign countries? What are they going to do with it? Exactly.

So you're storing it up in your body or separately like in bags or? In a bag? He has a bag. I have a question. I've got a bag for pee and I hold my poo till I get home. God damn. Okay. I got a question.

So you don't want to give them your boo. Right. But when you get on an American airline going home, is that safe or do you for wait until you get on the terra firma? Well, I'm one of those guys that watches the map when I fly. So as soon as you hit, when we're more than halfway home, I'll go to that. It's safe. We flew, Dalton and I flew to Arizona because he had to take up somebody's ashes. Somebody's ashes.

They didn't have TVs, and he just stared at the back of the seat. He didn't do anything. He didn't listen to anything, he didn't read anything. He raw dogged it. That's called raw dogged it. Yeah, he raw dogged it. He didn't have any water. That's right.

I told you I was visualizing the air map. I did a damn good job of it, too. And then on the way out, he tried to meet the pilots. It did not go well. Get little wings. Are there any states that you won't go poop in? Hawaii. Okay.

Don't even consider that estate. Alaska. Really? I won't. It's got to be contiguous. In New York City, he don't think the answer. Oh, well, absolutely never poop in the city. What are they going to do with it?

You know what I mean? What are they going to do? Ladies and gentlemen, what are they going to do with my poop in New York City? He's literally standing up. He's standing up. Send it into Reader's Digest. Twirling his own tassels like they're the mic cord. My fringe, my pre-cut fringe.

You need to cut that fringe more. Those are some pretty thick fringe. I got real dull scissors because it's my 15th night on tour. Playing at Stoker's Bizl House and Whittledown. Whittledown. Yeah. Everybody gets handed at pocketknife. and a chunk of wood.

While I do comedy, they whittle whatever they like and we do a little showcase after. What a great idea. I love that. Love to have an audience. Everyone in the audience has a sharp knife. That's a good idea.

Thank you. I know one thing I want to tell you about Roe Hart Tramp. He's in a... That's one more thing that I want to hear. Yeah. He played Prince Charles and Diana the musical, which is also available on Netflix. Let me tell you some of the reviews.

The Guardian said, if it was deliberate satire, it would be genius, but it's not. The New York Times says, if you care about Diana as a human being or dignity as a concept, you will find this treatment of her life

morally mortifying. Can we watch that next? I want to see it. How long is it? I'd love to watch that. Yeah. It's on Netflix, and it's shot on Netflix like a live play.

Oh, no. Like the Allison Williams, Peter Pan? Yeah, like Slits Playhouse of Stars. Like that, yeah. But they get, they brought in cameras for proper performance of this play. And the audience is there loving it. I can't wait to see it. Who plays Diana?

Some broad. I hope she confronted that New York Times reviewer like Michael Keaton and Birdman. Oh, yeah. I hope she got right in her face and said, you try making something with your life. We put ourselves out there on that stage. Yeah. We did.

We tried to make art. All you do is write about art. You can't create. You just tear down. He already gave this monologue at school for the whole glass. Well, yeah, I got pretty torn down for one of my projects that I was doing. I think this show, the Diana show, is going to go through a big critical reappraisal, just like Quantum of Salas, the James Bond movie. Oh, did people not like that at first?

Yeah, but people are coming around. Or Megan's body. Yeah. Megan's body. Yeah. What are you talking about? Isn't that? Jennifer's body.

Sorry, excuse me. Oh. What with Megan? Fox. Fox, yeah. This makes me think there's another movie called Megan's body that you're not telling us about. Or there's not even a movie, just an incident that occurred. What happened to Megan?

Is this a seven-second delay on the live stream? Sure there is. Yeah. Past seven seconds anyways now. He's thinking about what he did with Megan's body. I just need to fire off a quick text really quick. Don't worry about it. Okay.

Jesus Christ. Oh, poor Megan. Will. Hey, Kate Walsh is in this. You remember her from Gray's Anatomy? Yeah. And private practice, she lives in Australia on a farm now. She does.

Is she in this series more or is she just done? I don't know. She puked. And I think once you puke on TV, you get rid of them. Yeah, you don't want to see that. You don't want to see that person. You shipped her up to Alaska. Yeah, exactly.

They put her in a box. They shipped her away. Australia. Oh, Australia, sorry. Man, I'll tell you this. Here, I'm going to say something. I'm going to be a feminist for a moment. Oh, boy.

How come we never get to see a woman vomit who isn't pregnant? You know what I mean? Actually, I just saw Maddie vomit in season seven of Bosch after she sees someone close to her and get shot. Now we're talking because I've been really boning up again back on Bosch and Bosch Legacy and Ballard. Please, no. Hey, could you just, you're going to learn something. I don't want to talk about whatever.

Because Maddie's character arc from, you know, jazz appreciating acolyte to her father to full on crime recovery unit detected with post-traumatic dyed dark hair. It's really one of the feats of modern television. You're not supposed to dye your hair if you're pregnant. She's not pregnant yet. I am always shocked by where your knowledge base. He knows a lot about pregnant women. It's weird. I know just about everything about pregnant women.

That's true. Me too. Same here. When I let my first wife know she was pregnant. How big, on average, do pregnant women's feet get? Oh, I thought you was going to say boobs. Okay, we could switch it to boobs. Much bigger.

Oddly enough, though, the feet get filled with milk. Oh, yeah, you get a milk foot. Yeah. Yeah, they look like baby sweet, like really fat on top. Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty sexy at Milkfoot. Arno V.R. Was in Mars Ula-Tare, avocats, and assortize, and cooped the chance.

What? Who is that? I don't know. What character? Oh, he's the man, the old guy that smokes in the office, a cigarette in the office. Oh, the vapor. No, not the vapor. The guy that owns the company.

That was Bruno. Oh, the other guy, yeah. Is he owned the company? Is that what he does? Something like that, right? Who knows everything happens? He runs it because they sold the company to an American conglomerate of some kind. Did you guys not watch this movie?

I mean, I watched it with my phone on TikTok and I was scrolling. Oh, 9-11 stuff. Watching the towers go down again. I watched this. I put up my full. outdoor movie screen. It projected it and Dolby surround sound like it was meant to be. I'm actually surprised to hear that.

I thought you'd be too embarrassed. No, I want, I treat every ounce. I give every media it's shot. Okay, I also wanted Emily to hear that I was watching it. Oh, my God. She lived nearby. Maybe I could get. She probably already knows she's AI.

She's in the computer. Oh, yeah. She's probably listening to this. Hey, Emily, if you're listening, I'd like to collaborate with your father on a hit musical about Diana It sounds like there's room to go up

not a bad idea you get Malcolm McDowell and Mary Steenbergen in it she'd be a good Diana yeah I don't know if Malcolm McDowell's still with us is he? Who cares? He's a goddamn European

isn't he? Maybe he is I think so all right what's I going to say okay what does this company do what does it what does any of the companies do that's in this show um the first company or did you want to go ahead take it the first company she works for uh does branding for pharmaceuticals that's what they do like cattle branding mostly like geriatric branding she was talking about ibs they're like they're

taking those brands and they're sticking it on the old people's bust like a nexium sex cult yeah yeah So it's like if you're taking like a G what's it called GLP1. Yeah. You get that branded on you. You get like a Zempic branded on your ass. And then you just go to the doctor and you pull it down. They go, oh, we know what to give you right away. Dalton, I do want to know that when you get old enough, you will be going to a home.

Oh, what? He's already got a home. I have a home home. Like with all the other old people, I'm going to be sending you there. What are you talking about? You're going to be wheeling me into the. the Steakhouse. You can't be my responsibility. So you will be in a home and you can have friends there and stuff. It'll be fine. Did you notice that I had for you an instruction manual on an

oxygen tank that I had left in your bedroom? Yeah. I need you to familiarize yourself with how portable oxygen tanks work. And we'll just get ready for it and wheelchairs. He also has an absolutely do resusciate directive. Yes, I do over and over. Yeah, I saw that. Yeah. I don't want to give you like mouth to mouth or anything. That's sick. You're gonna. No. I got news story. You're probably gonna die if something like that goes down.

No way, man. You're here. No, my advanced directive specifically says Marky must try to resuscitate me for no less than three days in the event of a cardiac arrest. If she gets tired, a couple of her friends can step in. Sure. How about you, Ted?

You jump in there and do some Happy to. I'm trained. I lifeguard over the summer. Well, then I'll try and drown. You don't lifeguard. You sit by the pool in your t-shirt. Your wet t-shirt. Well, the t-shirt is to cover up my big nipples. You got big nipples? Yes.

Good work. Thank you. Finally, an aficionado. Yeah. No, you got to see these things. They're the sides of like, they're the sides of like coasters. Are you going to a problem with me? What? What? You got a problem with me?

No, I'm already going to talk. She already is. Okay, good. Yeah. That'll have new a pregnant lady, you know, big nipples. And they get dark. They did all the tests on me. I'm not pregnant.

They get, are your nipples getting any darker? Because that's how babies find it. The darker it is? Yeah, that's true. No, I think they started dark so babies already have a homing device kind of on my nipples. Oh, great. That's great. That's good to have when the grid goes down.

Just to have. Just keep that in your back nipple. Okay. Keep that in your back nipple, Dan. Who told you about my back nipple? Hey, you got a superfluous papilloma? Yeah. Oh, my God.

Yeah. Listen, speaking of that kind of thing when you're talking about pharmaceuticals, I was wondering if I get branded because I'd take a certain... Oh, my God. This is why I'm not going to problem with him. You are going to problems.

This is why you're going to problem with it. No. I have to take a kind of reverse Viagra. Does that make sense? Sure. Yeah. Because you're turgid all the time. I'm constant.

I have something called turgidus perpetuum. Okay? Turgidus perpetu. Yeah. All right. And so I got to take this between lovemaking sessions to calm it down. Ew. Which must be hard, no pun intended for a man who can't get anyone to make love with him.

It is difficult at times. It is difficult at times. You got to double your desk. Yeah. Matt was trying to get me to help him with his online dating profiles. Oh, yeah? Yeah, and he was like, add in the stuff about my medication. Yeah.

I think that's a selling point. Yeah, absolutely. That's pretty sexy. My mom came across one of your profiles. Oh, she did. Yeah, yeah. Did she send me in? What's, I think she sent you a message.

I said, I know that guy. What's her name? Dorothy. Yeah, Dorothy, I remember hooking up with her. Oh, Ted, Mud had sex with your mother. I did. I did. We had sex on a Moro Bay Ferris wheel.

Ew. Yeah. That's hard to have sex on a Ferris wheel because you got to kind of cool it when it goes down. It's true. And we finish so quickly and we still have a lot of time left on the Ferris wheel. Oh, I see. Oh, that is. For post-coital nausea.

Now I can't wear that otter t-shirt she got me because I know when she's. She got it. Yeah, we also used that to mop up a bit. Okay. So not anything sexual. The Ferris wheel was leaking and it was stormy. Oh, that'll happen. Romantic.

Yeah, I know, it was. It was. And we went on the tunnel of love and just talked. That's probably the worst part of this one. I would love if you called her back. She's been very sad ever since that trip. I can't. I can't.

My phone works. Emily's boss is supposed to go to Paris and she really wants to but she's pregnant. But she's old pregnant, geriatric pregnant. She's geriatric pregnant and they don't accept pregnant ladies in Paris so she can't go. But so Emily is told she must go instead. Emily's got to go to Paris.

She doesn't speak French. That's a big problem in this episode. She doesn't speak French. If she's AI, you think she could. I know. Yeah, they don't answer that. But also, I'm like, everywhere you go, they speak English. Like, every place I've ever been English.

Good. Good. Yeah. That's what they should speak. But we should learn how to speak other languages. Uh, nope. Do you speak any other languages? Yeah. What?

I speak French. Let's hear. Why did your volume decrease significantly? Why are you whispering? You just make a little cuckoo noises. This makes me nauseous. Oh, my God. I'm going to throw up, and I ain't even pregnant.

A French teacher, Miss Fenn, has to turn up the gain every time she's doing an oral presentation. Oh, my God, you need a mic pre-amp. We have cloud lifters just for her. Now we're talking. And you and I ought to hang out. I'd love to, actually, might. Yeah. Bring your mom along.

I will. Okay. I will. I think you should be very happy to see you again. I think you're really connected. Three of us can go on my fairs. My minute. I'm going to say since you don't want to be with his mom.

I had to do a project over there So high maintenance We still, your mic preempt is still a little Her mom is, his mom? Yeah, really high maintenance What kind of high means? She's just like asking like Do you guys have any drinks?

That's kindness, that's kindness. Do you need any snacks? It's so annoying. To you, she's asking that? Yeah. Is your mother a loose cannon? I mean, it's why she's not on the force anymore But that was more bureaucracy

In her inability to deal with the Her straight-lazed partner Is she a real lone wolf? Yeah. I bet you guys have some good times watching Bosch together. Oh, my God, yeah. I keep going, is that true? And she goes, that's exactly how it all works.

Oh, yeah. Wow, your mother's a former cop? Yeah, she is. She is. One of the good ones. Do you want to see my Bosch impression? Ask, where do you want to go to eat? Where do you want to go to eat?

Depars. But now let me ask you after season three, do you still want to go to DePars? Too painful. What happened at DuPars? That was a beautiful impression. It was so beautiful. Why does his head go up? Yeah.

It does every time he talks. Every time. But what did happen at DuPars? Well, okay, spoiler alert for anyone listening, Zoom ahead a bit. Okay. I'm glad we've talked more about boss than Emily and parents. And for our French listeners,

it is so quiet. I guess French is a quiet language. Yeah. Okay, by now you've zoomed ahead and we still haven't covered the spoiler. So keep zooming ahead. His wife, his ex-wife is gunned down in the parking lot. His ex-laws. What's the problem? But they're still friends.

She's FBI that you learn later in Bosch Legacy saved his life. Oh, okay. Yeah. She's gunned down to the parking lot of DuPars. She's gone down at his favorite restaurant in L.A. Oh, my God. And he's got a lot of favorite restaurants. They make more L.A. reference.

I'm telling you. Where does it take place? Los Angeles. Oh, well, that's why. Where do you want to go to eat, Bosch? McDonald's on a foothill. They got the best playland. Did they go to Houston?

No, they never get into one time they mention Pasadena and Bosch Legacy, but mostly it's very Hollywood-centric. Pasadena's the new Hollywood. That's right. Man, it is. I'll tell you what. Yeah, Emily and Pairs lives here. Why? When Emily went to Paris, was there a camera transition that took the camera underwater?

You have any idea? I did not catch that. Wait, what? Camera went into water and then came out of water and now we're in Paris. Oh, because that's the symbolism of them going over the ocean. Originally, David Fincher was going to direct the whole episode. He did this shot. And then he got offered another job and left, so they didn't kind of fulfill.

And she was originally going to age backwards. I would have liked to seen that. A lot of creative differences because it wasn't in the script at all. But Fincher was like, it worked for me once. Why wouldn't I keep doing it? How come she doesn't like the first handsome guy

that comes onto her, but then she does like the chef that lives below her? Because that first guy didn't have that Geneseecois. I couldn't tell a difference between the two of them. I thought it was the same actors. They were both brunette, hot French guys, but one of them was significantly hotter. Really?

One of them was down to... You won't say fuck, but you'll speak in French? He was Jean-Nepa-Ton. Let's just say, It don't want to... What? This is what must have been when Regan's mother went in

and the exorcist and saw her daughter talking in tongues. This is what this feels like. We've lost Markey. Can you imagine how terrifying that would be if one day all of a sudden your daughter was speaking French? I do. I speak French. I'm your niece and I speak French.

Oh, don't ever do it because I will tie you to the bed and get a priest over. Yeah, a young one and an old one. Well, yeah, you've got to have one of each. Well, now you've got to get the Pope's exorcist if you want something like that. That's right. He rides a scooter. rolling up on his Vespah. We do have to hang out.

We do got to hang out. Dalton doesn't like the Chicago Pope. No, I don't like the Chicago Pope, God damn it. That's a city. I like a Pope from the country. We're going to have an American Pope, and we should. He ought to be from the Southwest. United States, a real cowboy pope.

You tell, Cowboy Pope now I'm interested. Cowboy Pope. I would watch a show called Cowboy Pope. I would too. I watch a cowboy Pope. He rides in on a horse. Full cowboy regalia,

except he has a little cap and a little collar. He's got a little Pope hat on top of his cowboy hat. So it's a really tall cowboy hat. Oh, it would be a great hat. And he finally shakes things up in the Vatican. Yeah. the way they need to. Yeah, he rides into the mannequin on his horse.

Yeah. Straight into one of the catacombs. Yeah. Look at Dalton slowly tabbing over to TV ideas. I know. On a laptop. TV ideas. He can only type with one finger, though, so it's going to be a while.

Lasso. Cowboy Rabbi. President Pope. Pope. Pope Lifeguard. Cowboy Lifeguard. Pope Bosch. You took that one writing class

where it was just like make two lists and then connect them you got TV shows and then he left out for a big one. No, but I'm serious. Cowboy Pope,

we got to do this one. This is one we got to do. Oh, Cowboy 9-11. Cowboy 9-11. Are they, which ones are they? Huh? We had a cowboy president when it happened.

Cowboys would have stopped it just like Mark Wahlberg. The Cowboy of Greenwich Village. Hey, yeah. Yeah, Cowboy Grisdain. He's still typing with his one finger. He's so slow. You don't name it more than the one.

What do you think the inciting incident as of Cowboy Pope? You're writing this TV show. It's called the New Cowboy Pope, Young Cowboy Pope, and the Two Cowboy Pope's. There's a whole HBO onslaught of these things. Colons or The Two Cowboy Popes. Stars Jude Law and also Anthony Hopkins and Jonathan Price. Then Matthew McConaughey makes an appearance. Yeah.

It's a showdown at high noon between the two Cowboy Popes. Oh, yeah. And only one of them is going to walk away alive. They go to draw. They go to draw. And then you just cut to white smoke. Oh, beautiful. Fucking, that's beautiful.

Yeah. Cut to. The cowboy paper conclave is out on a cattle drive with a campfire. And then people just look over the hill. Oh, black smoke. Oh, black smoke. Oh, black smoke. White smoke.

We have a new cowboy pope. Ding, ding, ding, y'all. Close up. John Lethgow eating a tin of beans. Hey, we gotta hang out. What's a movie called where they're all, the conclave is talking about? Conclave.

It's fucking called Conclave. No, there's another movie. It was more recent. What? More recent than Conclave? They haven't made any movies since Conclave. What's it called when they're all together and they're talking about who's going to be the next poem?

Conclave. It's called a concrete. No. When they're talking about the next pope. It's called Conclave. There's no other name for it. Oh, no, this is what I was thinking. Ray finds.

I already had an idea about the Pope. A really good one. It's a new Paddington movie where Paddington becomes a new Pope. Popington. Popington in the Paddican. Popington in the Paddockin. First decree, everyone eats marmalade. See, isn't that good?

that's a terrible idea but I'll look you and I we're going to have a race to see who gets their screenplay back first me for cowboy pope and you for popington padding popington in the paddington in the paddington yeah sounds awful paddington is the new popington in the paddickon good luck good fucking look oh my god all right She goes to France. We're only to where she goes to France. I don't know. We're 30-minute episode and we are two minutes in.

She wants to do their social media. This is all kind of bullshit. Nothing happening. Everyone's being to her at the office. Yeah, they want to drive her out of the office except for Luke who's a nice guy. Which one's a nice one? The guy that vapes at the cafe. Oh, yeah.

He's just kind of nice, though. Yeah. Is he the one with wife? fiery hair and the mustache. Yeah. Is he one of the guys that tries to kill, what's her name? Jennifer Coolidge and the white loaded. That's where I know.

That's a great look on that guy. Yeah. Yeah, he's goolish. You look like that. You'll work forever. He said, yeah, he's your love again. Just career over love. But he says we're afraid of you because you, what if you have good ideas?

and they're better than our ideas or something like that or something like that. She's just we're afraid of you. And I don't know what his advice. He gives her some advice and then he scooters away. He says, this is what he says, which is so true. And you guys really need to listen up to this. Okay. In America, you live to work.

And in France, we work to live. The fuck does that mean? The fuck does that mean? It means hard work is bullshit. What? I think in France we live to surrender. That's the mom. Yeah.

My God. Yeah. She also has a problem that she gets to work at 8.30 in the morning like any American would. And she has to stand there staring at the door to the office for two hours. I don't understand why she doesn't sit or go somewhere else. Or go. She stands there for two hours waiting for the second person to show up. She's like one of those delivery.

robots, you know. Right. Well, that's because she's a fucking eye, man. Who would stand there? She's real. She is real. Who's real? Emily?

Yeah. Huh? Emily. What? But that goes to your point. What is it? They work and live? Yeah.

Well, that's crazy. They don't get to work till 10.30 in the morning? I think in the U.S. we should, everything should start at 10. I don't know why it all has to start so early. Dalton's up at 336 every day. Yes, I am. How late does it go in your world? How late?

Yeah. I don't know. Go to bed at midnight, one. But when do you get off? If you start work at 10, when do you get off work? I get off work at 315. You want to work from 10 to 315. That's a normal amount of hours to work.

Slacker. You're a slacker. I don't want to work. I'll never work. It's my goal. How are you going to be? I didn't work on our project. That's a fact, actually.

And you guys got a B? Yeah, we got a B. You said you were smart and then we got a B. Well, a B is pretty good. The workload on that project required two people, including how heavy it was to bring into the room. And you wouldn't even work on that. So a lot of it just broke on the way in.

We built the life size diorama. Of what? Of the stuff. Paddock? I don't know. I didn't really. It was Pompeii after the volcano. So you just pile ashes?

Yeah, that's part of the reason that we flew to Arizona. Wait a minute. You did not use my friend's ashes in your goddamn Pompeii project. I had you. I needed some ashes. He asked me to bring some stuff in. I didn't know those were human ashes. I did not know those are human ashes.

We had a whole, we had like a snowball fight with them. And you only got to be and you sacrificed the remains, the cremains. I just thought, I was like, might as well use, like, legit ashes if we're really going to do this. I can't believe this. He specifically wanted his ashes spread on the ponderosa, and I'm going up there next week, and now what's in that urn? Where currently is this diorama? It's in my trunk.

I got to go get a goddamn diorama of Pompeii and bring it up to goddamn Lake Tahoe this weekend and spread it somehow. I left like a tablespoon in there. It's fine. This man was more than a tablespoon of ashes. He was. If I think I know who you're talking about, this man was at least a measuring cup. Who even was him?

His name was Claude. And he was a fine cowboy. Yeah, despite his name, he was not French. I was going to say that's a French name. His mother was from New Orleans. He was spelled C-L-O-D like dirt Claude. His mother was New Orleans. This isn't the guy that you were saying you hadn't seen him outside during the day for a while,

so you thought he might be a vampire and you had to go take care of business? does not preclude them, him being a good guy at one point. But Dalton thinks all of his neighbors are vampires, so it's kind of... Well, a lot of them are. You get, you are a vampire until proven otherwise sometimes in this country. Look, I am a complicated man. This was a dear friend of mine who, sadly, was stricken with vampireism. He was just pale.

I don't know how many... He's not pale. Claude never went outside in the daytime. And I asked him, are you... Are you, Claude, a goddamn vampire? And he said, knock it off. Who would say that but a goddamn vampire, right? His skin was amazing.

He had really clear pores. That's what I remember. Well, anyway. Now he's, most of his ashes are just like in our class, our classroom. You got vampire ashes in your classroom. I got a... And this is all very upsetting. It was very upsetting.

It was hard for me to plunge a wood and stake into the chest of my friend. That's what he asked for. That's why he does not want his ashes disrespect. That's right. Okay. I owe him at least to put his ashes where he wanted him. Yeah. God damn it.

It's not his fault he was bitten by a vampire. You know what I mean? Uh-huh. As shirts, we're wearing matching shirts. I know what you're mean. We are. Nobody's coming. What's going on there?

I know. You just realized this man. I'm not observing at all. Yeah. They're wearing the same. They're wearing the same. They're wearing the same thing. Oh, they are?

Yeah. He's got a. is tied up like oh that's bear McNaught what what did you say you guys you got your yeah my little Barbie bench yeah yeah his middrip is exposed yeah no lord he's planned that by the way wear the same shirt uh no i said i had a theater teacher uh last year um who if you showed up wearing the same thing as someone else would say you guys playing that out in the shower this morning Oh. In the shower.

Interesting. But. Wow. I think that teacher must have had like a desired, a longed-for response that, you know what I mean? Like what was the response he was hoping for? Yeah. Like. I'm going, yeah.

There you go. That's, I guess that was it. He just wanted to. That's okay. Make it go away. But Taylor has. gone and exposed his mid-drift in his little shirt there. That's the thing with Baird-McNut-Irish linen.

You can do whatever you are with that. You can, man. And it works. It works no matter how you do it. Jesus Christ. Well, Bobber's really into fabrics and fashion and stuff. Yeah. Much just Baird is McNutt on us.

I wish you hidden. All right. Now we got the H-Chi-N-O. He goes to Paris and babbles and jabbers and they all. Oh, my God. What's going on? You haven't even talked about her posting. That's what I want to know.

I didn't track that quite. She's got, she's, okay, she'll take a picture or something. Living in a world where a thing just appears beside her head, but no one in the cafe would notice this. Oh, my God. Everybody was like, if I saw some lady in a thing appeared next to her head, I'd be like, what the fuck? And everybody in the cafe is just like, no big deal.

Those are her text messages and they're showing them on the screen. I don't, I don't. But at some point, she's getting numbers associated with her pictures. And there's more numbers later than it is. Those are followers. Hot or not? Hot or not? She's getting rated.

Not hot or not. No. Oh, my God. This is so offensive. This is worse than Benanza of what you guys are saying right now. Is it a subplot of this episode that people on the internet like that she's in Paris? Yes. They love it.

Why would they like it? Why is she not losing followers? Why do people care? She's gaining followers. Just because she went to Paris? Yeah. And because she's pretty. And she's like eating a croissant and she's like in a little cafe.

And she's being so honest when she says, lonely in Paris because she changes it at one point. She's like, like loving Paris. And then she feels really lonely and she changes it. And it's so honest. And it's just like so brave. And then she's gaining followers. I got a question. Yeah.

When she takes a selfie of herself. Yeah. And they're showing that and the little thing pop up next her head. How come the thing next her head isn't in the picture that she's taken? of herself. I don't... I don't really want to answer that question. I know what you mean.

You know what I mean? It's a vampire. It doesn't show up in pictures. The thing is a vampire. I guess so. It's a cyber vampire. Cyber vampire. Okay, now I'm starting to appreciate this show.

It's one explanation anyway. By the way, it's funny that you guys think that she's AI because literally Dalton doesn't know what AI. He'll be like watching a movie of like a baby like wrangling a dog. And I'll be like, that's clearly AI. and he's like, no, it's real. Right. That was real.

No, it was real. Yeah, it's a baby, and he's got a lasso, and he lassoes this dog, and it's the funniest thing you've ever seen in the world. This is like a one-year-old baby. I've seen this. Yeah. I've seen one that's like a six-month-year-old baby wearing a full Nauru collar suit singing Christian gospel hymns to a stadium of people, and he's got a little pompadour.

It's incredible. I've also seen baby Jesus. Yeah, baby Jesus, too. It's incredible what kids are doing these days. That's AI. No, that's not AI. But Emily in Paris, I think she is AI. Yeah.

I can't talk to you. This is what skill we're going to need in the 21st century to know what is and is not AI. You guys are being very, oh, I'm not talking to myself. Huh? You're being very. A little screen just popped up next to your head. What's going on? See, I notice it.

Numbers are going down, though. as they should. Oh my God. She meets a nanny. They become friends. Who's this actress, the nanny? Oh, yeah. I wrote down her son.

No, the actress is Ashley Park. And she was in Mean Girls the Musical. Yep. And something called Joy Ride. Which is good. It's a good little girl. It's a girl's flick. You should watch it.

That's the one. Mean Girls the Musical? No, joyride. Oh, I'm not going to see that. I'd like to watch Nice Boys the Non-Musical. That's how much I don't want to watch Mean Girls The Musical.

Nice Boys the Taki. I read something about Mean Girls and Musical. People went to see that movie and it was not quite marketed as a musical. And when they started singing, people went nuts. People were like, oh, God damn, that's a musical. What did they think they were going to see? A remake of a movie.

of Mean Girls and it was called Mean Girls the Musical? I don't know. Maybe they downplayed that. Like maybe the musical was in a tag. They were advertising. They weren't telling people that movies were musicals because they knew people wouldn't go see them. Like Joker, too folly a deal.

Joker should have been a musical. I think those people did the right thing, though. They called the news and they said, we need an article written about this. This was such an inconvenience. There needs to be a story in the paper on the internet. That's how that came to be in the media. It was an anonymous tip.

Someone called in. Why? Would you make a musical if you know that if you are honest with people that it's a musical, they won't go. Yeah, good point. You have to trap people when it's a musical. That's the only way.

Because the movie company thinks it's going to be good for them. It's like hiding vegetables and beef. Do you have to hide the fact if it's a susicle? That only happens once in a blue moon. I would say. I still. Better be prepared for it.

I know. What would the trick be that you're going to a musical and you don't realize it's Seussical? Or that you're going to Seuss and you don't realize they're singing? Good question. It could be any one of these things. I mean, it's a real concern. I better call it tip line. Yeah.

I am working on a musical. Recently. You're working on a musical? Yeah. I'm writing one. But people don't like them. But this one's going to be good. What is it?

It's about 9-11. Oh, my God. Let me know if you need help with the book or the lyrics. Well, you can pitch me some ideas. Oh, great. Go ahead. For which one, book or lyrics? Both.

Okay. The main song is I fell for you. Oh, Lord. It's bad taste. But then it's like the motif when the tower is fallen, so you have it in minor in the second part when that actually happens. Oh, okay. You're delving into music now. You was only supposed to do book and lyrics.

I want to hear the lyrics. You're right. I want lyrics. I realize I'm a lyrics girl. So what would be the lyrics? Did they have to ride? I fell for you? Yeah, let's hear it.

Come on, little bopper. All right, all right, dang, danga, danga, dang. You don't have to rush that part. I feel like you're rushing that part. That's just how I get it. You know, Dana Carvey on Fly on the Wall has like his in for a character. Okay, yeah.

That's how I get it. That's my in for music is the big bopper. Dang, dang, danga, danga, danga, dang, dang, dna, dna, dna, blue moon. Okay. Okay. So I fell for you.

what can I do don't say don't tell me to shoe when I'm falling for you okay that's pretty that's pretty poignant I like that was it yeah I pity the foo

I like that don't fall for you okay sorry I just googled these these lyrics appear in Diana the musical don't if I had sings that yeah don't even just a second

Diane in the musical is a musical? Yes. Oh, yeah. They should have told me that. I know. We had to do a screening of that next. Okay. All right, we will.

Okay, so this, what happens? Her boyfriend FaceTime's where he says, let's have cyber sex. This is how the episode is. Please wear your blanket as high up as you possibly can. This is when I made Dalton leave the room. I watched this on my own and then I let him watch it on his own. I was like, we can't watch no sex stuff in the same room.

Yeah, that was the right call. There's no sex stuff in this movie. It's not a movie. It's a TV show. It took place in Paris, okay? You can't shoot TV there. I think every man on earth when they see nudity in that top left, leans forward, gets out there, binoculars, and gets excited.

And so when there's no real nudity or worse male nudity, it is disappointing. Good Lord. There was no nudity. Why did they say there was nudity? Because you see it. Did you see his balls in that shot? That wasn't his balls? What was that, though?

that's a good question. They're smooth as a baby's butt. Maybe he waxes. Waxes his balls? Most guys. To make him shiny? Most guys in my generation wax their balls. Oh, that's what they're doing.

Have you walked in on someone doing this and wondered what it was? Yeah. Do we duct taping them down or what are we doing? The same way Mr. Miyagi has Daniel Laruso wax the car. They just sit there with a buff pad and turn it in circles on their balls. And that's how they learn how to do karate? No, they just wax their balls. It's just, it's better to have hairless everything.

I will. Yeah. That's what I'm sick. I've been going to a barber. I do a straight razor shave. No. I was. Well, on my testicles.

Oh, Lord. Oh, man. I didn't realize that was an option. If anything, I put Rogaine down there. Oh. So I could just have like art garfunkel at all times. It's good you caught it early because you were getting male pattern down there. I know I was.

I just had fringe on the sides. I had Dick Burns, Dick Burns. In more ways than one. How do you know that? His mom told him. Well, now that I know, she'd mentioned somebody she was seeing. Yeah, like I had clown hair down there. This is a very open relationship you have with your brother.

Don't you love that when kids have very open relationship with their parents to talk about sex? We'll see in the same bed. No, that's terrible. No, that's terrible. What in the world? Hell no. Yeah. When I was at his house, they were like, they're like, oh, do you always want to me like alcohol?

Like, rather you do it in the house? And I was like, yeah, I'll have a whiskey. And she poured me like a huge glass of whiskey. Good Lord. Your mother will do that? Yeah. What kind of whiskey? Well, for Markey, it was just a standard bullet rye.

What time? Are she free this afternoon? Do you know they're problematic that the guy who runs bullet is some kind of weird harasser? I can't believe you drink bullet right. I didn't know that about that. Well, now that you do know, what are you going to do about that? I'll never drink that again. Well, Markey, it's going to be very hard to find somebody who distills whiskey for a living that doesn't have some sort of personal or emotional problems.

Do you also know everyone, the guy who created Emily and Paris and I assume it's a guy? He was sexually harassing people so he can't watch the show anymore. Oh, yeah. What are you talking about? Can't watch it. No, I didn't know this. What are you talking about? Yeah, that's right. It's a harassment show.

In fact, that's why he had to shoot it in Paris, just like Woody Allen has to go over there to do. He can't, he wanted to do Emily in Chicago. No. Yeah. That's what it was supposed to be. Emily in Chicago, but then he harassed all of Chicago and then they says, you got to go to Paris. Stop. That's true.

Where do you guys get your facts? Fox News? What are your sources? I get my facts from this gal on a bench. I'm going to double-check all these facts. because what you're saying is really alarming to me and obviously I don't stand for it. I get my news from Donald Sutherland

in a trench coat on a bench in Washington, D.C. I get my news from an AI baby. All right, well, I'm going to check into that. And in the meantime, what did you guys think? Did you love Emily and Paris? Well, I did. I was glad when it ended, I thought, Wow, that was fast.

Yeah. And I was surprised by the ending that it came so quick. Except that didn't come so quick because the vibrator broke down. Right. Oh, that's how it ends. So she's trying to have cyber sex with her boyfriend. She plugs her vibrator in and it shorts out the whole building. And her dirty talk is just her expressing her anxieties, right?

Yeah. Oh, is that what that was? Yeah. She's like, I feel really confused. I don't feel like myself, but I do. And then he kind of comes, I think. And then you see his nuts in the screen and it freezes. Are those really his nuts?

Is that the nudity that we was warned about? I had no idea what it was. And what happened to him? He immediately passed out. His coming somehow disrupted his Wi-Fi. I think is what happened. He had calculated in 2G. That's what it was.

It is 5G, though. That stuff will kill. Oh, man, that's what causes it COVID. You know it's not. And to leave it to the fucking French to not have a power grid powerful enough to power a vibrator. Yeah. You guys, we don't need the Internet to be French.

Being French is... What the fuck are you talking about? We don't need the Internet to be French. Being French is... Je mans to... What? Are you dying? I am calling a cowboy pope and getting an exorcism going right now for this.

Yeah. Call the batikin. This is what he does. I'm going to close up my standard team. The pope cowboy pope goes. Oh! For the listener, he done did that weird thing they do where the crossing, making a cross, and then he come out with a gun from his holster.

Just go to vimeo.com backslash my stand-up. You can watch. Yeah. I won't go on YouTube. I won't go on YouTube because they won't let me. Yeah, they're very high standards on YouTube. All right, folks. I'm actually on Daily Motion.

Oh, daily motion. 360P. And college humor. I hated Emily and Paris. I thought it was terrible. I hated every part of it. I can't think of a good part except that it was short. And that's about it.

And anybody else having opinion about Emily and Paris they won't share. You can keep her, Paris. Yeah, Paris can keep her.

This is great. It's way better than Mananza. It is way shorter than Mananza. The girl is way hotter than all of Bonanza. She's not covered in bronzer the whole time. The plot makes sense. Her eyebrows are thicker than any of the cartwright boys. Everyone is hot in it.

Everyone's being friends. It's beautiful. And yeah, no notes. Perfect. I love Marquis' taste. I think it's like adorable. And I'd be happy to watch any French movie or American movie with you at any time. I hope you're not talking to me.

Are you talking to me? Yeah, yeah. Oh, no. No. You guys could watch some French movie before you go to prom together. Yeah. I'm not going to prom. Umbrellas of Shereborg.

I'm going with Targary. what'd you say? Umbrella's a Sherborg. What is that? Playtime by Jacques Tattee. Ew. Why do you know things like that?

Because know your enemy. Enemy in Paris. Enemy in Paris. Speaking of her eyebrows, I did see a description of Lily Collins. Somebody said she's like Audrey Hepburn with Liam Gallagher's eyebrows.

But I don't know if they meant it as an insult. Or a compliment. Or a compliment. compliment. I can't tell. Big browser will forever be in. Okay. Men hate big brows, but anyone. I don't hate big brows. I was just, I quite like big brows as a matter of fact. I don't like those little 90s overplucked. Really thin. Those are back in. I'm going to be getting mine tattooed. Don't you dare. Yeah. And I'm getting Dalton's done too. I was going to shave off

my eyebrows. I think that's always a good look. You know, it makes you seem dependable, reliable, trustworthy. If you're going for a job interview, shave off your eyebrows. And pluck your eyelashes out too. Absolutely. Yeah. But grow a tuft of hair on each cheek. Just an isolated touch. Uh-huh. It's, I'll be honest, as you know, you've been dating my mom. I don't have like a positive male figure in my life. So this is all such helpful advice for me. Oh, good. I'm more than happy to

fill in. Yeah. By the way, I can see your nipples through your shirt. God damn it. This is three-ply, too. Shit. Well, folks, don't ever watch Emily and Paris. And do watch Bonanza. And that's all there is to say. Anybody else want to say anything in conclusions? In conclusion.

I mean, watch the show. It's so much better than Bonanza. Also, get help. If you're listening to this podcast, get help. You're unwell. You want to watch something that takes place in France, saving private ride. There you go. There we go.

Now we're talking. All right, folks. Bye now. Bye. Bonus nanza extravaganza is brought to you by Andy Daly with Matt Gourley. It was mixed and edited by Mark McComple, an executive produced by Andy Daley and Matt Gourley.