Bookwild - All of My Thoughts on Yesteryear, The Drama, and Trust Me: The False Prophet

Episode Date: April 17, 2026

Today is a solo episode, and I share all of my thoughts on Yesteryear by Caro Claire Burke, The Drama and Trust Me: The False Prophet.  I briefly discuss the discourse around Yesteryear and The Drama without spoilers, and go in depth on Trust Me: The False Prophet, WITH spoilers.  Then, for anyone who wants spoilers, I discuss spoilery aspects of Yesteryear and The Drama at the end of the episode.   Here is the link for the Substack article I mentioned about The Drama. Check Out Author Social Media PackagesCheck out the Bookwild Community on PatreonCheck Out My Stories Are My Religion SubstackGet Bookwild MerchFollow @imbookwild on InstagramOther Co-hosts On Instagram:Gare Billings @gareindeedreadsSteph Lauer @books.in.badgerlandHalley Sutton @halleysutton25Brian Watson @readingwithbrianMacKenzie Green @missusa2mba 

Well, it is Friday. Actually, I am recording this on Friday. It is, I just wondered if I wasn't recording, but I am recording. It is Friday. It is normally a buddy episode. And I've just had scheduling problems. So you just get me, you get me your book wild buddy, your bookish buddy, whatever you want to call it. But I was like, should I just take another week off? I didn't have episode last week. And I was thinking about letting myself, you know, just chill out a little bit, don't have to talk to a camera, just, you know, be an introvert. But I couldn't do it. I can't do it two weeks in a row. I was like, I know I have plenty to talk about me being able to talk by myself has never been the issue. Let's be honest. I think everyone knows that who has ever listened to a

solo episode, but also I even sharing my stories every now and then when I see a good reel about it, I talk to myself quite frequently, even when I'm alone, which isn't super, super frequent, but like Tyler travels, I'm having full-blown conversations with the dogs, with myself, with anyone. So I was like, Kate, you know, you'll actually love it if you just get up there and yap. So I am here to Yap. And the things that I have just been taking some little notes on that have been, you know, in the pop culture, in book culture, both of those, whatever, I think I haven't have to talk about for the most part. So a couple of things, the drama, the movie was Zendaya and Robert Pattinson. obviously that one came out and one i am so impressed by the fact that i am still not seeing many

spoilers about it out there um and i'm not going to talk about spoilers right now but i might at the very end of the episode uh like depending on how much i talk i might do some like at the very very end so then if that's something you're interested in you could hear some of more some more of my thoughts. I found it to be very unique, very, very, very, very, very dark humor. Like, you must be prepared for extremely dark humor. I also thought it was very thought provoking. I felt like it gave the audience a lot to sit with and to chew on and to think about. And I have to just tread so carefully because I went on a Thursday night. Sometimes our AMC theater, actually often with a lot of movies, will have them come out on Thursday night

the night before it normally comes out. And when I discovered that the drama was going to be like that. I was like, I will go. Like, I think I went to like a three o'clock showing. I was like, I will go because I refuse to have anything spoiled. So I even went early because I felt like, I mean, even with the marketing, we knew that whatever her secret was was so bad that it drove the whole film. And we knew that the trailers weren't telling us what she did. So, I obviously went into it not knowing and I wanted to be able to have that experience. So I am still making sure that you are able to have this experience. I'm really trying to talk around the spoilers.

It's also a very hard movie to talk about at all without spoilers. It's very dark. It's a very specific kind of humor. I have seen a lot of people talk about it's laughing at something that should never be laughed at. totally understand that perspective too. That's just like the truth of it. It was very intriguing to watch and to watch with other people who were shocked over and over and over again. And I do, I tend to lean toward, there were enough questions brought up about the subject matter that I was still able to enjoy it. And,

I know not everyone will, obviously. There's an article that I'm seeing a lot by Brooke Obie called The Drama Laps at Our Pain. She is at Black Girl watching on Substack. And I really understand. I understand her perspective on this. I understand a lot of people's perspectives on this. And so it's one of those things where I enjoyed consuming it.

However, would I ever write something about that sub? Would I, like, would I ever be appositing these kinds of conversations around said topic? No, I probably wouldn't. So it's, it's a weird, it's a weird film. It is weird. And it's difficult to talk about. But I thought there were some things that were extremely effective about it. And I was really glad I was able to see it without spoilers.

And I'm pretty much going to stop talking about it now. so that if anyone hasn't seen it, you are insulated and protected from spoilers the way I wanted to be as well. So that is what I have to say. I may or may not say more at the end. We'll see how much of a voice I have left. And I will add this link to Brooke Obie's article about it that talks about how it laughs at our pain. And yeah, you can read that if you want to. If anyone want to, if anyone wants to know the secret and, you know, doesn't want to find it from the internet, you can DM me, I will tell you. So if anyone wants to, just throwing that out there. Another piece of fiction, but in the book world that I'm seeing a lot of, a lot of divisive takes on is yesteryear by

Kerro Claire Burke. And again, I'm actually here to say, I really understand. the people, most people who take issue with it, I completely understand their frustrations. I'm definitely not here to defend the book. And you may remember, I've talked about this book quite a few times because I read it back in February because I was so excited for it. And so I've mentioned it a few times on the podcast. So if you do listen to the podcast, you probably even heard me saying from the get-go, like, this book is not for everyone. This book is very sad. You will never like the main character. All of those warnings, basically. And actually, a lot of people who disliked the book, it kind of has a lot to do with that part. So for anyone

who doesn't know, the gist of yesteryear is this woman named Natalie. She has been touting this tradwife lifestyle on Instagram. I've even said, Natalie very much reminds me of like ballerina Farms meets like Erica Kirk. That is the vibe that I got from reading the book. But she basically wakes up one morning and she is in some part of the 1800s. and is basically having to live a version of life that she has been performing for Instagram. That's not even a real reality as Instagram almost rarely is. So the premise itself from the get-go, like even just like the initial log line was very intriguing to me.

I mean, I think we found out about this like in October or earlier of 2025. So I had been very, very, very excited to read it. And I devoured it. I've had a couple of people who even said, like, thank you for, like, explaining that about yesteryear because they, like, didn't get, they didn't order it through book of the month because they were, like, the things you just described, I knew would not work for me. So I'm, I'm not defending the book. I don't know why I feel the need to say that, but that's not where I'm coming from. What I will say about the book, again, without trying to give any spoilers. And I'll probably just throw some spoilers at the end about this as well.

But without getting into spoilers, it, to me, was not even a tragedy because you don't... I mean, it is kind of a tragedy, though. Actually, yes. In some ways, that would probably be the best. way to frame it, especially if you're someone who does not like endings that are tragic or kind of in the Shakespearean realm of tragedy. It is, it's a bleak book. There is no redemptive arc for her character. But what it did really well for me, as someone who very much grew up in that brand of evangelical Christianity. Now,

I did not grow up when Instagram was a big thing, as you probably can tell. So that was not actively happening in my childhood. However, the childhood I grew up in was extremely rigid religiously and also really used God. I saw that Kara Claire Burke said this on a podcast talking about God being the O'Don. g elf on the shelf which i think is something that mackenzie and i talked about in 2025 even um i would never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever use the elf on a shelf if i had children not even once um the version of god i grew up with was very much the elf on the shelf like

someone is always watching you um you may have heard me say before that my parents would remind me that we were we were in a very small town i graduated with like 104 people um and a very small church as well and so the people who were there everyone was very tightly knit and my parents would remind me like when you go out into the world one you are you are being the example of god to other people two everyone out there consider them your parent and so make sure you are always on your because people will come back and tell us if you're out of line, almost hilariously. One of one of the very few rebellions that I participated in in high school was drinking Mountain Dew. And it got brought up because I was talking with someone who is similarly going

through a very difficult experience with their pastor father. I was telling him about like the my friends would help my friends would hold the mountain dew like when we were at basketball games so that i could still have it but if anyone came up or like any of the adults or my parents who knew them they would they would be holding it so i wouldn't get in trouble like mountain dew are you kidding me um but that so there is this constant reminder of like one you are the example of god to everyone so like no pressure but you better act as as great as god and then two everyone out there is watching you and there is nowhere you can go where we will not be able to find out what you did.

So that is what I grew up in and that is what even feels very similar to when we talk about tradwives on Instagram, TikTok, the extreme performance and like a very authoritarian approach to religion and gender roles. By the way, if you want to be a stay-at-home mom, fucking do it. Like, that's the whole point. There's nothing against possibly being in a traditional gender role. It's not the existence of that itself.

It's all of the... maybe forcing it on other people or like women becoming so subjugated that they can't even stand up for themselves in their marriage it's that it's that that is the problematic part i just wanted to be really clear because i was talking with someone recently and and she was like i just don't really understand feminism because like i do want to do this with my life and i'm like sweet baby girl that's the point i want that for you i don't want it for me i want it for you though i want you to have what you want. Like that is the point. So little side tangent that actually, you know, really dovetails with the fact that I over explained myself because that was also a part of like

the rigidity that I grew up in. I feel there's like overwhelming need to clarify myself sometimes. So which maybe that works well when you're doing a solo podcast. Maybe it makes you better at talking in long form. Who knows? That being said, I think a lot of the critiques that I've seen circle around like, I feel like the author already hated this character as she was writing her. I would agree. And it doesn't, it doesn't ruin a story for me for that to be the case. It doesn't mean I'm always in the mood for that kind of book. But there are plenty of books I read where like we're not even talking about anti-heroes. We're talking about like, almost like cautionary tale. Not even. totally because some of my argument would be that Natalie like in yesteryear without getting to spoilers she latched on to the power that was rigid Christianity and and she was down she was down for all of it and I think it was incredibly um alluring to her and I don't think she ever I don't think she ever wanted a different life.

So Cautionary Tale might not even be the right word for it. But I will every now and then really enjoy a book where the main character, the point is to truly not like them. And that's not going to be for everyone. I enjoyed it. I thought it was a good representation of that. The second critique I've seen, though, is like people saying, like I felt like she wanted to say something, the author, but she didn't have any solutions,

any like depth to it. I would also, well, I think there is some depth to it. But no, it's not a book that gives solutions. That is not what this is about. And there is some fiction that definitely approaches solutions. It's not just nonfiction that tends to give us solutions to things. but it's not every book that does. And there's definitely, there's not,

there's not a solution here. I think this book was about specifically white women who are just as intrigued by patriarchal power and white supremacy and capitalism. Like they love it as much as, the men do. I don't even think of Natalie as a character who is like, oh, my proximity will protect me. I think she was all in. She was she was all in for it. So there's not a solution. Like this, this to me is about the women who buy into that completely to the point of harming other people with those beliefs. So that is all I will say. And again, I'm going to stop myself so I don't get

into anything spoilery because I do know some people are really enjoying reading it. So those are just my thoughts. But what I do want to talk about and I am going to include spoilers in this part because it is from a documentary. And well, for a couple of reasons. I've also listened to some people talk about documentaries with spoilers on like other podcasts. And I've been like, oh, I still want to watch that. So like there are elements of it that like, yes, maybe. not knowing what happens would would maybe make your experience better and if so this episode just probably totally wasn't for you completely but um i am going to talk about trust me it is it just called trust me the false prophet yeah trust me the false prophet it is on Netflix and it is about a woman

name a woman named christine Marie and her husband toga katas i hope i said his last name correctly. He's a videographer and she, she has done so many creative things. She had been a puppeteer, an actress. She did all kinds of stuff. But at one point, she was married to a man, a Mormon man, and he treated her extremely poorly and got extremely abusive and was telling her that he was a prophet. And so she felt like she needed to follow what he was telling her to do. She got to a point where she was like, I don't think this is working for me. And she left. And then this documentary is about how she chose to return to Church of Latter-day Saints Mormon community. She lived within four years, as in F-O-R, like for multiple years, to gain the trust of the women and a

particularly horrible man. And she infiltrated this group because she had been hearing about how much pedophilia was starting to happen. And this man, his youngest wife, was nine years old. And she was like, I want to actually put a stop to this. You, If you watch my stories, you may have seen me even posting about her because this beautiful, wonderful woman named Christine Marie has done more to take down pedophiles than everyone in this whole administration currently in America. Like, do not tell me that there's nothing we can do when Christine Marie exists in this world. Well, for those of you who are watching and things look slightly different, the dogs

just decided that they had had enough of hearing me talk. So I just let them out. But I am back. I wanted to pick up Christine's story as much as I can remember at the correct part. But she ended up leaving her abusive husband who was basically saying he was a prophet. And she got out of the Mormon community that she was living in. And I was already, in tears in the first episode in like the first 10 minutes she has a quote along the lines of I completely lost my critical thinking and that freaked her out and then I read everything I could about cults and got a and then she says I read everything I could about cults the second I got out of it I was so into it that I got a degree in cult psychology I like had to pause

because I was just like, it was so powerful to me to hear someone say something like that. My experience was nowhere near as extreme as the Church of Latter-day Saints and that version of Mormonism. However, as you heard me talking already, I was heavily policed and there was a lot of greenwashing that went on and there was a lot of gaslighting that went on and also very much rooted in it from a religious perspective which makes it a lot harder to question and so when she said she got out and so she read everything she could about cult psychology got a degree in it I was like I love this woman I continue to read everything that comes out around certain subjects related to like evangelicals related related to cults in general related to Christian nationalism you know

you've seen the episodes I've had with some people um but it was reading for me was exactly how I started making sense of the world when I got out of the situation that I was in with my family and has stayed that way whether it's fiction or nonfiction and I just I I love hearing someone else talk about how important information, specifically books, how important that is, especially when you have come from a cult type society or family or culture, or if it's even like, more mainstream religion, books can help you. understand it all. So I, I just really, really, really thought that that was so powerful. I love seeing other women who are like, I was in this situation. And then I started reading, which also

is a very good reminder of why we run into book bands and why literacy itself has been gate kept. Is that, is there a past tense version of gatekeeping? If not, I just made it up. But literacy has been kept from lots of different cultures, especially in America, as a way to keep people from knowing things because knowledge actually really, really, really matters. And so does hearing other people's experiences, especially when it comes to, like, abusive situations or cult situations, brainwashing situations. I can't remember I've mentioned it before, but the thing for me that helped me understand, I wasn't. wasn't crazy for feeling like my family was a little crazy was a subreddit called raised by narcissists that I discovered in college. And like, sometimes I still think about how wild it is

that that subreddit is the thing that finally let me feel like, no, I think something bad is happening here. And I don't have to, I don't have to keep taking it. Because it's like, what if I never found that subreddit? And I probably would have stumbled upon. information in another location or in a book or something like that. But it still, that same concept where it's like hearing other people's lived experiences is sometimes what helps you understand a bad situation that you're in. And that is very often why book burnings, book bans, libraries are burned down. It's a big reason why that happens. So I am going to get into some spoilers because there were a lot of things that really stood out to me. You don't have to

listen if you don't want to. But there was Warren Jeff's was basically the main prophet of the Church of Latter-day Saints. And then he was convicted for pedophilia and put in jail. So then we have this large group of believers of this version of Mormonism that don't know who to look up to. They have spent their lives believing that this man is the prophet and that they need to organize their lives around him and around his teachings. And now he's gone. And there was this really great line from someone in the documentary who said, if you take people's faith away, they will do anything to feel it again.

basically power goes away there's a vacuum and someone's going to fill it but i thought this was a really good way to to show kind of the religious psychosis that happens where like when you are all in on something and then it's taken away from you like you just want to feel that sense of safety and sureness and security however you can like you you really have become an addict to it at the that point, especially when it's when it's really authoritarian. So this power vacuum made way for Samuel Bateman who I don't believe in hell, but there is a special place in hell for him. And maybe Christine is the special place, the special version of hell that came for him. He basically filled that power vacuum and started telling people that he was a

prophet that he was having visions from God. And he starts basically telling a lot of people in that community that like God told me that I'm supposed to be married to your daughter. And it just kept escalating or deescalating. What I'm trying to say is the girls got younger and younger who God was giving him these visions about. And Christine had heard about it. And as a someone who had lived in that type of community, she knew how she could go and fit in with a community like that. And she wanted to go back and with her knowledge, be able to dismantle it. Like the, obviously the like egregious abuse version of the religion. She was like, I actually want to do something about it. Which, to be honest,

It also has one of the big takeaways for me after watching it, it has had me sitting with it again of like, what more can I be doing? Because I have parallels to her story. There's like a big part of me that reading books about religious fundamentalism, about Christian nationalism, about authoritarianism in general, it has felt like needing. to get the information for myself. And I hope that putting stuff out there could help someone who was possibly in the same situation as me or in a similar situation currently. I would, I definitely hope that the conversations I have and the authors I talk to that can help people.

But this was making me think about how like there is more I could be doing. Like, it's, I just respect the help. out of her that she was like, I'm going back in with this knowledge that I have, like this unique knowledge, I'm going to do something with it. And it reminds me of something I've talked about before too, where I think it was Pete Holmes. I'm for sure it was because he's the main guy I can listen to about spirituality. And he talks about how people sometimes get really hung up on the everything happens for a reason or there's meaning behind everything. that happens and he talks about life happens you get to choose to make meaning from it you get to choose

a way to give reason to it and that has stuck with me for years like i had to have heard that more than six years ago and it has stuck with me um because that is that's how i started to feel when i started having conversations around evangelicalism, all of that stuff and the harms that come from it, not all of it, but from certain parts of it. And I was like, oh, this helps give meaning to what I went through. Like me being able to talk about it, me having had the experience being around people like this, it gives it meaning for me to be able to discuss it and share my experience and share the versions that are hurtful so that if someone else is in that situation, maybe they for the first time get to have that breakthrough moment.

And I feel like Christine is like an even bigger example of that. She was like, I know what I went through. I know what it felt like to lose my critical thinking. I know how much it made me feel like I did not have agency over my life. Then I went out and learned how to have agency. And now I really want to take it back to these other women. Like that is the version of meaning making that all of us should be aspiring to, in my opinion. I understand that not all of us are made for going and living amongst abusers for like three years.

But she also saved people. because of that choice. So I just have so much respect for her. And yeah, this man basically started filling that vacuum and got extremely powerful. And so the other fun part that I mentioned is her husband was a videographer. And at the time, he was doing a lot of music videos. But she felt, she felt called to go to this community to be able to expose it. And one of the things that, like, if you watch it, I'm sure you guys will have a very similar experience. They have so much footage of this man because of how easy it was, once she'd been there for a while, to then pitch to him this idea of like, you are the prophet. You should be documenting this.

Like, this needs to be documented with video. And so they actually managed to sell like video services to this man. And so he would be like to her husband who was doing the filming part, he'd be like, hey, Tolga, we're going to go hiking tomorrow morning. I need you. I need you to capture it. And there is this footage of him like jumping from like rock to rock. and he's like, I'm really good at the, like, did you see that? And they're like, yeah, like,

you are, you are amazing at that. He was like, he asked him, he asked Tolgo to film him, like, on his motorcycle, kind of saying he was doing tricks. And Tolga has some hilarious line delivery where he's like, it was basically terrible what he was doing without motorcycle. Like, he was like, This is horrific. Why are you even doing this? So they literally just, I say just with quotation marks. They literally just had to tap into this man's ego. And I'm so happy, I guess, that his ego was so huge at this point that he was like, you know what? I do need to document this. You're right. I'm almost happy that his ego is that big because it's actually the only thing that, that led to them being able to take him down.

Now, if his ego wasn't so huge, would he have become a false profit? Hard to argue. That's why I'm like, wait a second. But you get what I'm saying. Like, the FBI agents that eventually helped were even saying to Christine, like, I cannot believe how much video evidence you have. Like they were just, and it still took four. wherever for them to have something that they could act on.

That's, that's one of the more heartbreaking parts. Is Christine's like, we would go to them with this and they'd be like, this is still not enough evidence. And they'd be like, what? And so they were learning how it almost gets to the point that you would almost have to have the video evidence of him performing

pedophilia to be able to get him on those charges. And so it took. so much longer than you would think it would. Like some of the things they had him talking about, you would think that the FBI could do something. And the local police didn't do anything either. And it was the FBI who eventually was able to. So this is, they have all of this video footage

just because this guy was like, yep, yep, it's time to do this. I should be documented. And so the other thing that is really tricky is, one, she needed to pretend like she was all bought in. So like when she was with their community, she definitely needed to be going along with it. So just imagine how difficult that would be to do for three plus years after living through that abuse yourself. So she's basically having to act like she's on board with it, but is also trying to find ways to like ask the women and the girls because let's be clear. They are not underage women. They were girls.

She's trying to find ways to have conversations where the women and girls could kind of say like what their lives are like and how they feel about it. and you will see some of the footage like the women do have like stars in their eyes and they're like I knew that I belonged to him um I'm so lucky that I belong to him my life has meaning because I belong to him um and it's it's it is wild footage to watch and you you see it and obviously if you're wanting to defend that practice of polygamy which also i think it's important to have a distinction polygamy can polygamy could even be its own thing and obviously throuples and and polyamory in general is something that can't exist and everyone could be consenting and everyone could be of age to consent and that's that can be its own thing it could be it could be

healthy in its own way. It's the pedophilia that gets justified by this version of Mormonism and this practice of polygmy that is the actual problem. And so you can see these girls who are nine, ten, twelve, like young girls believing that their life is so blessed because this man had a vision that he was meant to be with them. And when you grow up in that community, it's going to be extremely difficult to not feel that way. Like, that is what you know. And it's what makes it harder to prosecute.

I would, you would think that, like, truly the girls, you would think you could still prosecute that because that doesn't really seem right, but it's very difficult to prosecute. And so when you are dealing with these women who've been gaslit their whole lives and held in a very tight community and another thing I related to have been told over and over again, you are better than the world. You are in the world and not of the world. The world is evil. you are special and better and safe because you are a part of this. You're not going to want to be a part of the world. You're not going to want to know how other people live.

You're not going to question how you live. You have been told you are better because of your beliefs. And it's going to be very, very, very difficult to question that. And so Christine's story is so powerful because the level of compassion and empathy that she has for this women, these women, is the product of her own lived experience. So like she remembers what it's like to have essentially been groomed since you are very young. To one, think that your value is so immediately tied to if you have a husband and who that husband is. and two to believe that there are men within your community who are living prophets who you must obey

there's there's a part where um he does get arrested um for basically he is like i mean I don't understand how this didn't put into it either but he is driving a bunch of girls in a trailer like they're in the trailer not in the truck not in a car with seats he's trans he's transporting a bunch of girls i can't remember from where to where and someone saw their hands outside the door of the trailer and basically called it in so the police stopped him basically he goes to jail um and there is this powerful moment where the girls are freaking out like freaking out and like breaking into hymns and singing hymns. And Christine points out like what you have to understand is these girls now believe he's a martyr,

which is kind of like one of the highest levels of respect within some religions is to be extremely persecuted for your beliefs. And so she says at one point, these girls felt like they were a part they were experiencing biblical history they feel like they are a part of the like they are experiencing something of these stories that they have heard growing up they think they are a part of it they think they're a part of the martyrdom they think the world persecuting him is proof of his legitimacy they're literally heartbroken and sobbing that that he can't come home and be with him one night. Like, that's how much they believe it. And if, if you believe that you are a part of history that is essentially biblical or is going to be biblical in the future, that's how you're going to feel about it. And I think we are seeing a lot lately how martyrdom can make people. double down on painful and harmful ideologies. So the documentary just couldn't have been more timely.

I think that was like the other thing that stood out to me so much. But Christine lives with him for a while and she starts to connect with more of the women and she starts to realize that one of his, one of his wives has been kind of coming over near her house more and more often. And like in the mornings with one of the kids. And she was like, hmm, I wonder if Julia wants to tell me something. And this is like, I think, the midpoint of the doc. I can't remember which episode specifically. So then at the very end of one of the episodes, Julia says,

I sensed that Christine was making herself available to me. And I sensed that she was someone who wanted, who wanted to hear what was really going on. And I was so emotional again at the end of that. And it's like the end of an episode, major props to the director for how she brought about the pacing. Because getting to that moment is so, huge and it was like you guys have heard me talk about like one of my other favorite quotes is like

be who you needed when you were younger and christine being willing to go be in that community and to quote unquote go along with things and be with the women for years it was what allowed julia who was ashamed of what she had been a part of but had been so scared to ask any questions. It was Christine's presence there for so long that led her to like feeling something inside her where she was like, I think Christine wants to make herself available. I think Christine wants to hear what's happening to us and what we've been doing. And I just, it's so, again, I keep running back to how much I respect, Christine.

So much respect for her for being able to go into that community and to play the game, but clearly be the type of person who felt like a safe person for Julia specifically when Julia was ready to question what she'd been participating in with her husband, And with Sam Bateman, he had quote unquote married multiple of her daughters at this point. And she would have moments where she was like, I don't know. I think some of this isn't what should be happening. And so she said something, Julia said something really, really, really powerful. where she said like even when she started to question some of it because there were some really egregious things that Sam was doing with his children, his child brides, and performing really terrible acts on them, but also saying he would get visions from God that he was supposed to like loan the girls out to some of his friends.

So there were some very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very dark stuff happening. But Julia points out that they were told that obedience is the key to eternal life. They think there is a divine payoff from from participating in this with these men. And so she says there were a few times that she questioned it. And then what would happen in her brain was like, this has to be right. because if it's not right, then I'm not good. And I don't deserve to be here. And I don't deserve to like be these girls' mother.

I, again, all of the women, so not all of the women, many of the women in this documentary, I can't even begin to tell you how much respect I have for them. It is so incredibly difficult to know that you are a part of something. even if you were kind of questioning it, even if you'd been gaslit into believing it, even if you really didn't think you had any power as a woman because of the way they had spoken to you, it is so difficult to get past that barrier in your brain that's like if I admit that I have been doing something really bad, then I'm not. How do I redeem myself to my own self? that is so difficult to get past and it's why a lot of children grow up in these kind of

all kinds of fundamentalist religious religion backgrounds and terrible things end up happening because it is so hard to face that about yourself so I I respect Julia so much I cannot imagine the amount of courage it took for her to talk about the things that she had witnessed and that she had let happen. And she's very open about the fact that like, yeah, I let that happen. And like, that's something that I will be reckoning with for the rest of my life. But she basically starts to have these little moments where she can talk with Christine. And there's even a moment where so Christine, as I mentioned, did a bunch of reading after she got out of her situation. She also did a lot of writing and like wrote out her story. And her story includes

the fact that like her husband got to a point that was like, God told me that you need to go be demeaned by other women or by other men and would like force her to go commit like sexual acts that she did not want to commit and would ask for photo proof of it. Like he would, was so in control of her mind. And so she wrote it all out when she was kind of going through her own, you know, deconstructing and healing. And Christine, or sorry, Julia comes over one night and she reads what Christine had written about her own story. And she said to her, like, she said that that is what for Julia, she just broke down because she had never, back to what I was saying earlier, She had never heard another woman talk about the experience of growing up in that community

and the amount of abuse and then the confusing amount of shame. She had never heard someone else have that perspective. And that is what led her to completely opening up to Christine. And there is also a line. where Julia is talking about like, yeah, there had been a few times where I thought about going to like the local police. And it's hard to even wonder or it's hard to believe they would have done anything because of how close in it the community was is kind of what is implied. And she was like, I never felt like I could go to someone with this because I'm one woman who's going to listen to the cries of one woman. And she said once she told Christine everything that had happened.

told her that she wanted to work with her to basically take down Samuel. She was like, okay, now we've got two women, not just one. Will they hear us? And I was like, even if you take the women part out of it, I think it is such a profound and almost perfect example of once you know someone else has gone through it, you feel stronger in believing your own convictions and your own experience. Like, it is just so much easier to try to do something when you know one person, one other person at least, has experienced it and wants to do something about it. Then there's the level that, like, yes, we have a problem believing women in this country. Not even going to go completely down that rabbit hole because there's even been so much news.

this week that has been so indicative of that. But we do not believe women very often in this country because if we did, there would be a lot, a lot more men convicted of very similar sex crimes. And that's not the case. So then you add that into the whole part where Julia's like, okay, at least there are two of us now. Maybe we can do something. And so they do. they start trying to get as much proof as they can. So there is an FBI agent named Dawn Martin, who Julia and Christine start working with. And she's taking it very seriously,

but also telling, basically informing them all of the things that have to happen for them to actually be able to initiate an arrest or even attempt an arrest. So she starts working with Julia and Christine to make that possible. And they do finally get to a point where they feel that they are going to be able to make an arrest or at least go into the homes where these girls and women were living. And it's escalating because this is when we also learn that Sam has radicalized these girls even in the sense that they have this moniker. If they try, they die, we die. So like, the houses are heavily armed. And he has infiltrated it so much into their brains that persecution essentially means that you're correct religiously.

That he's like, if anyone ever does, like, if the police come to the door, you don't open. If they force their way in, if they're trying to do something, like, you kill them. That's like essentially what this man has trained. them to do. So now Christine's even like nervous to be with these girls because she's hoping it wouldn't escalate like that when the police do show up. And we have started to get this story with Nomes, who is one of the girls who had been with him from the time that she was very, very young. And she is completely convinced that she's in love with him. And like you see the footage. She she is. Like she believes that she is. She believes her.

life is better because she's with him. And she is so devoted to him and really willing to do almost anything to protect him. And I really love the way that Julia and Christine, at no point in the documentary at least, are ever blaming the girls who feel that way. They're so respectful about the fact that of course these girls and women feel this way. Like this is the only thing that they've been taught. And I feel like the documentary handles it so respectfully. And so even when Christine's talking about like, I was kind of nervous, like what would be willing to do for him when this happens?

You don't hear judgment. You don't hear resentment. you eat. You can tell how much both of these women, all of these women, Christine, Julia, FBI agent Don, want to be able to save these girls, even though they know that they're going to act in a way that probably defends Sam. And that is kind of what happens. And Nome's has like a really difficult experience where the police do come to the door.

and she actually runs away. It's what she's been told to do. And she's interviewed in the documentary as well. And she talks about like just how conflicting and how confusing it was to feel like I have to run away from the police. And then spending the night, I think like under a trailer or under like a semi truck, a large, a large vehicle. basically kind of like hiding underneath it that night to the point that like she like parts of her legs felt frozen. I don't know the full extent, but she brings that up. And so she's so confused and conflicted. And then the next morning she basically goes back and then she makes the decision to turn

herself in. And there were so many girls that did go to prison because of the, the things that they were a part of. He does, Sam goes to prison as well. And it's because it's most specifically, I'm sure there were lots of other women involved as well. But it's really to me, because of these women, Christine and Julia and Dawn, it is because of those women that a pedophile was actually held accountable. And it's because of those women that so many girls and women, he had 20 wives at that time, found freedom. And we'll get to lead lives that they learn to choose and to want. And they now get to connect with their true selves and learn about their true selves and even create their true selves.

because of these three women who are like, you know what, let's actually put an end to this. There are so many beautiful scenes with multiple, multiple of the girls, there's one girl who gets out of prison and it's one of Julia's daughters and she goes to pick her up and she hasn't seen her in a while and she even tells Christine, I'm a little bit nervous to see her. And her daughter says to her, this is the part that I'm crying about, her daughter says to her that prison set her free. And like, can you just imagine what your life would have had to be like to then go to prison for things that like you,

Like you were doing because you were brainwashed to go to prison and say, like, I got to focus on myself. I got to find myself. I got to learn who I am. Like, imagine what was going on to say, like, with tears in your eyes to your mom that prison set you free. Like, I can't believe how many powerful moments there were in this documentary now that I'm sitting here talking about. it. And then we also hear about Nopes, who also, she had an experience in prison as well. But there is like, there's just nothing that made me as happy as seeing how joyful her smile was talking about the fact. Okay, there are a couple of things. First, she, she, okay, so, so first, she says something that I think is,

is really valuable for a lot of, a lot of people to hear. But she said, basically, once I started questioning anything, I had a tsunami of questions just, like, overwhelm me, like, all these questions that I had been like shoving to the back of my mind and being like, don't think that, don't ask that question. And so she talks about how that was kind of the very overwhelming part at the beginning. And that that is what deconstruction or healing from trauma is like in general. Because in both of those, there are elements of someone who's been telling you, you are bad or you are going to burn in hell if you have questions. And so it's so intimidating. So she got to to the family she finally asked one question and she was like and then I was like oh my gosh there are all these other

questions but the joy on her face it's making me happy right now just just remembering it the joy on her face when she said it's like I've been reborn I'm reading everything that I that I'm interested in I'm watching everything that I'm interested in and then she says every week I have a new obsession There's something I learn about that becomes my new obsession. And again, like one of the, one of the moments where I was just resonating so much with this documentary because I remember getting out of my very small and not secular bubble and going to college and starting to be able to choose what I watched, choose what. I read. I mean, it's really those mostly. But I remember just being like, oh my God, there's this

thing that I didn't know about. There's this thing I didn't know about. There's this thing I didn't know about. And not only did I not know about it. It was purposefully being withheld. And I make that distinction because to this day, that is how I feel. I almost feel like I have some kind of obsession, maybe not every single week now, but there is constantly something that is like intensely sparking my curiosity. And I love and I'm so grateful for the fact that I live a life now where I can go chase what I'm interested in. I can chase my curiosities. I can find a book about something I get really interested in. I can find a movie about something I'm really interested in. I can find a of documentary about something that I'm really interested in. And being able to be curious,

being able to ask questions, being able to be interested in experiences different than my own is probably one of the most joyful aspects of my life. And seeing Gnomes smile the way that she did at the end of that doc, basically saying the same thing and talking about like, I feel like I was born again. I feel like I get to be obsessed with new things all the time. I have never wanted to like reach through the screen and hug someone so much. Like I just connected with that on such a deep level. And I did not even think about it until I'm sitting here now going through.

I'm pointing at it if you are watching on YouTube. I didn't even think about it until I was sitting here now going through all of my notes. that the bookend, which again, major props to the director of this documentary, they bookended it. So we start off with Christine within the first 10 minutes saying, I got out of the cult, I read everything I could read about cults. Once I had read everything readily available, I went and got a degree in cult psychology. We started off with that. And literally in the last 10 minutes of the final episode, We have gnomes talking about.

I can question things. I can read what I want. I can get obsessed about something. I can learn about something. I feel reborn. What a way to book in the series. And I didn't even realize that until I just sat here and I'm going through it. And I'm like, of course, there's like the religious part.

There's the gas lighting. There's the brainwashing that I also resonate with. But now that I'm sitting here thinking about it, truly a huge part of why I really love to this doc probably has a lot to do with those bookends, which is also hilarious that the term is bookend. But there's like bookish bookends to this documentary. And it's information and access to information and literacy and the ability to read what you want. that actually saved all of these women. It saved Christine. It motivated Christine to go back.

It saved Julia when she was able to read Christine's story. It saved Gnomes. It has brought her joy. So many women have freedoms today. They did not have before Christine went back to that. community. And the reason they have those freedoms is because shared information and books and stories. And I would be willing to bet that it's not all nonfiction. I could be wrong, but I bet there was some fiction that some of those women read to that gave them a deep

understanding of themselves and the world and like what they wanted to be a part of. So yeah, I'm seeing that there were all kinds of layers. Like I took a, bunch of notes while I was watching it. But now that I'm even talking about it out loud, I'm like, of course, I loved this documentary. And Christine, you are the example for the answer to, well, what can we do? What can I do about it? It's such a defeatist question. It's such an easy way to get out of caring about what other people are going through and I will forever respect, look up to want to be like Christine and Tolga and Julia

and Gnomes and Dawn. I saw a thread that was like, um, trust me the false prophet really said, hey, what if it was a matriarchy? And I would agree. And I just listed all white women. And that's not exactly what we would want with matriarchy, but for the sake of the fact that they took down a literal pedophile,

I'm going to roll with it for right now that this is a pretty good example of matriarchy, which for the record is not a version of culture and society that places. is women at the top. It's a society that places the children and the less fortunate as the most important thing. It's not about, oh, the men have all the power or have the significant amount of power. And matriarchy means women get all the power. It is about focusing on the children and the people who need to be protected. And in that sense, that is what this document is about. Also for anyone who has been through, the type of trauma, I mean, really trauma in general is going to change you, but the one other thing that I had written down here from NOMs that I will

forever use this as a reference point for myself now. Sometimes when I have memories of my childhood, it feels very, very, very confusing because I see the very, I see the very, versions of like real kate that were there um but it feels so foreign because mostly i was performing a personality that i thought would keep me safe so sometimes my memories from that time feel so weird and it it we're years were years out at this point it doesn't freak me out as much as it used to but it is a jarring experience and gnomes said at one point I was born in lies. I was raised in lies. When I look back, I see that girl in third person. And when I look at myself now, I see myself in first person. That's not verbatim because this is me like typing notes really quickly while I'm watching. That's the gist of it. I have never heard it explained so well. And actually, which I can't even start or this will be a three hour episode. But Margot's got money trouble. just started airing on Apple.

And I watched the first three episodes earlier this week. And Margot writes about herself in the third person. And so it was really crazy within the span of a week hearing that that concept as a way, like with Margo, it's like a way for her to kind of distance herself from her experience to process it. But I've never heard it explained so well that like when I look back at myself, it does like third person pretty much age one to 19. Like that feels like third person. The things after that start to feel like first person. And I just think it's a really, really, really effective way to talk about that strange experience. So for anyone else who, you know, experiences that,

I think it's, I think it's a good way to frame it that can kind of help you, at least for me, at the beginning. It used to freak me out so much because it, it was, it would kind of be like, what is my sense of self? And it would just, that freaks me out a lot and not being able to catch bad, bad character in someone is the other thing that really freaks me up. And so yeah, used to freak me out to be like, why does this feel so foreign to me? It doesn't as much. But that whole description is a good way to reframe it. in my opinion in a way that kind of makes it understandable. And as I am sitting here talking about it, again, I'm also having the realization that that is a bookish analogy. So I guess like the second

subtitle, because it's called Trust Me. And then the subtitle is the false profit. And then I guess if I was going to give it another subtitle, I would call it like how books saved women again. Like I can't believe how many bookish things were actually a part of this documentary. So all of the respect in the world to these women, I keep saying their names, but it's because I respect them so much. But Christine and Julia and Dawn and Gnomes, just thank you for doing what you did and for reminding us that it's very easy to say what can even be done. And it's a lot harder to actually do something. It's a lot more meaningful to do something, though. So now that we've talked very extensively about that documentary,

I did say that I might talk about the spoilers for the drama and yesteryear. I'm actually going to start with yesteryear really quickly. Because I think it's very adjacent to what I was just talking about. Natalie to me, when, oh, okay, I'm into the spoiler section at this point. Natalie, basically she even chose that she wanted to force themselves to start living that way because the drama and the blowback and the hate that she was starting to get for some of the things she was doing. she like convinced herself we just need to like actually live without technology so like she brought it upon herself i i would assume if you're listening at this point that you know that

there's not as far as i can remember i briefly scrolled through my notes i did read it in february so it's been a little bit as far as i can remember there is not a single moment where that woman is questioning like hey am i hurting my daughter my daughter who is telling me me that I'm hurting her. There's no moment that's like, maybe this is a little intense for my kids. Like, why did I make this decision? There's not a moment where she's like, yeah, it sucks that my husband and his dad have so much control over our lives. Like, she saw a way to get money from his dad, she saw a way to maintain power and she was all in. In my opinion, Natalie was never going to become Julia, who I just talked about in that documentary. Now, I would love, I love the idea

that people can change. I think it's very important to remember how hard it is to change and that a lot of people don't. It's going to take a very concerted effort, especially once you're into your 30s, 40s, 50s. It's going to take a very concerted effort, and you're going to have to really want to do it, which is kind of what I was talking about with Julia. Natalie was not really in a situation at all either,

where like it was being forced on her to like think like oh this man's a prophet like that's not what she's thinking with her husband either she is a woman who loved the idea of power and found a way to attach herself to it and in my reading of the book she enjoyed it um i've seen criticisms about it, like the past timeline doesn't cover how poorly like

black women of the time would have been treated. Very true. I completely agree. And if the ending wasn't what the ending was, I would also think that's a completely fair criticism. I'm okay with it as a criticism in general. But the fact that she wasn't,

actually back in time and the fact that she was an incredibly self-absorbed woman just just obsessed with power and control of course she wasn't kind of like even the past timeline quote on quote which it was not time travel so even the past timeline is a a creation of Natalie's own making it would not be reflective of how terrible a character she was for the past timeline to be inclusive. I think we have moments with Natalie throughout the book where she gets frustrated that her husband technically has the most power over her. I don't think there's ever a moment where, I mean, especially her husband directly. I can't remember his name at the moment. But like, it's very clear that she kind of thinks he's kind of, eh, not too great, not too smart, not too

motivated, but knows that his dad is and that his dad has aspirations for him. And so she's pretty much using the power and the money of his father to just do what she wants with her life. I really did not get a feeling at any point that she truly felt like the men were forcing, forcing her into too many of her choices. And so for me, that's like a very clear distinction where I understand like Julia let in false profit. Julia let a lot of things happened to her children that she then had to face. And there may have been a time when she never thought she could have. But she does talk about how she would question it and just didn't feel like there was anyone who would believe her or want to help her. We don't even get a glimmer of that

with Natalie. In my opinion, we're talking about a fictional character. In my opinion, Natalie never questions it. I mean, this is why her daughter at the end, essentially coming back for her siblings, who are truly being neglected and abused. That's why that's so powerful that her own daughter had to come back to save the other children. I'm also extremely aware of the fact that I am very biased toward a story where a mother takes down or a daughter takes down her mother. So that ending worked for me. I know a lot of people really didn't like that ending and felt like it wasn't maybe

like congruent with the whole story. And it wasn't where I thought it was going, but it didn't feel incongruous to me. And like I said, I don't think the main criticism, the criticism I see the most of is that she was a terrible character to spend an entire book with and that it feels like the author didn't even like the character. And I would just say, check, check, yes, yes to both of those. So then that part, I think, comes down to preference. I think that is a matter of, do you enjoy reading that type of book? That's what it's going to come down to. And not everyone's going to like every book.

And we know that. I think this one is because it was marketed so hardcore, that's another thing I agree with. They went hardcore on the marketing of this book. So it saturated a lot of people's feeds before it even came out. and I think that made a lot of people think it was going to be up their alley. And truly, what's a more, quote unquote, accessible trad wife thriller, in my opinion, is everyone here, everyone is lying to you by Joe Piazza. That's a really fun one.

It still has some fun elements. It still examines performing womanhood versus is it empowered. to these women to finally be like the breadwinners in their homes. The Joe Piazza one, I kind of think that was what more people were expecting, like a funnier version of it. And that's just not what this book is. So I also think it just got shoved in front of so many people. And again, I'm being a dead horse at this point.

But I've been saying since February that not everyone, this book is not for everyone. And notebook is, but you know what I mean. So those are my quick thoughts on yesteryear. Feel free to DM me if you have any questions. And now the drama. One, could they have come up for a better title for that movie? Probably not. Like, even when I'm like setting that up and I'm like, now the drama,

even that sentence is perfect. because, one, the movie is absolutely all about the drama, but then everything surrounding it is also the drama. So, like I said, I went and saw it Thursday night. I did not want to see any spoilers. And again, I'm impressed by how much I'm not seeing spoilers. We know anyone who's still listening at this point, we all know what the secret was. So we have the couple with Zandaya and Robert, Rachel, and I can't remember the other guy's name. Sorry. And they play a game of like, oh, you're about to get married.

You should have to tell each other the worst thing you've ever done. And so we have Rachel tells her story. I am so sorry Rachel's husband. That is all I can think of. He tells his story. Robert Pattinson tells his story. And then Zendaya tells everyone that when she was in middle school, she thought about planning a school shooting.

I guess I hadn't thought really hard about what I thought the secret would be anyway. But somehow that was not even, like, I hadn't wondered if that was going to be it. That had not crossed my mind. And it was fun seeing it in a theater because, the amount of gasps were quite funny. And it added to it. If you're listening to this point, you know, spoilers. You know the things.

You know the things that happened from there. What I thought this movie did a really, really, really good job at, in my personal opinion, is talking about thoughts versus actions. And so we even have that moment when, like, Robert Pattinson's character is trying to wrestle with the fact that he's now kind of scared of his fiance when he's having a conversation with Rachel and her husband. This is like when they're like in the like in a skyscraper. I don't.

That's like the main thing I remember about it. But he's talking about it and he's like, think of how many. I'm trying not to say the word over and over again for YouTube reasons. Think of how many people have thought of doing the same thing. Emma did. And they like show it or sorry he talks about think of how many people commit what Emma was talking about doing. So then imagine how many people have thought of doing it. And I that's one of the there are a lot of like shock value moments throughout the the film. There are a lot of like very gaspworthy dark comedy moments that stand out to you. But what I will say is that that

is kind of the thing that has stuck with me. It's one of the top things that have stuck with me since I watched it is we do have a problem with this in America. And a lot of other countries do not have this problem, not at all to the extent that we do. So it is happening so much. And so his point is correct. That does mean there has to have been.

other people who have like plenty of other people who have thought about doing it and never did it. And in general, there are probably a lot of people who thought, there probably are a lot of people who thought about doing something like that who are maybe perfectly safe people now. Sometimes we have conversations about suicidal ideation and how ideation and how ideation is very different than making a plan or getting close to doing it. And some of it is that the ideation can maybe make you feel like you have power over the situation. Anyone who's watching The Pit and anyone who's not, I don't think this is too much of a spoiler

to like ruin the show for you. Robbie is like deeply depressed. The main character is deeply depressed in the second season. and from multiple traumas of losing people, important people to him. And it's no secret that everyone's a little worried that that's what's going on. And they don't want him to do it. But there are a lot of people who have ideation and never act on it. And so that is truly the most fascinating part of this movie.

I posted about it. shortly after I saw it and I was like, I am starting to think that your reaction to the drama is deeply correlated with how comfortable you are with your shadow side. Because we all have weird thoughts. We have angry thoughts. We will probably sometimes have somewhat violent thoughts, maybe. Not extreme, but they're there. And I would not. want to be judged on my worst thoughts. That's for sure. There are a lot of thoughts that I am extremely grateful that no one can hear going on in my head. And actually when I was growing up, I used to be so scared that my parents could that I would start thinking crazy things when I was

sitting next to my mom to see if she reacted because like the way they had me convinced that they could even hear my thoughts. So I think that, I mean, that that that a lot is like the core question and conflict and tension is that ideation versus action and what makes you a good person. So Rachel, her Rachel's confession is that she basically locked a child with special needs in a closet in like a house that they thought was abandoned and haunted in the neighborhood and just like ran away and just left him there like that's terrible and she actually did it like she actually did it um and then she has the most intense hatred and judgment toward Emma she actually did something pretty terrible Emma did nothing so that that's like the thing that I think is

interesting from the get-go about the premise. Like I said, would I ever write something like this? No, I personally would not have chosen to explore this subject this way. Am I kind of intrigued and happy that someone did? I think I think I am. When we start to get the flashbacks for Emma's character growing up, she talks about moving and no one wanting to be friends. with her and experiencing intense bullying. And she then gets obsessed. And I think this word choice is important to pay attention to, in my opinion. She talks about how the aesthetic of school events like this, she found herself kind of obsessed

with the aesthetic of it. I think that word choice was extremely. extremely important or I just loved the wording and it stuck with me and it's just I thought the wording was great. But the second that that was what was used to describe it, that the aesthetic was alluring to her, especially after we just heard like she's a bully or she's being bullied heavily. She's being ostracized heavily. It was making me think about what we kind of consider red-pilled content, like the content online that is geared toward typically men, but I think that's the other fascinating part was choosing, having a woman. But the content, a la Manosphere, is very aggressive

in a way that then helps people, young adults, adults, adults. who feel powerless, it helps them see a way to power. And that can be so reassuring. And so to me, saying the aesthetic of it is what she got obsessed with. To me, it has a lot to do with how we don't necessarily have systems in place or ways for young adults who are going through difficult stuff like that, whether it's accessibility that's the issue or financial stuff. There's all kinds of reasons. But to me, it's like there was not a better system in place in her life to make her feel better

about herself. And so this concept started to feel alluring to her. We know that I think it happens in a mall while she's into the, this kind of obsession with the aesthetic of it. There's a kid who does unalive some people at a mall. I'm not trying to be cheeky with like using that word again. I'm just I'm just trying to work around the algorithm. He he does shoot children.

And her being able to witness it makes her realize like, oh my God. that's a terrible thing so the second it was real and in front of her she pretty quickly was like I have no interest in doing this anymore and to me those two together her saying the aesthetic was alluring and the fact that when it happened in real life she lost interest and then the funny next part is that she becomes very anti-gun and and becomes like an act of this against them. To me, those two paired together made me wonder, would she have ever actually done it? For me, I tend to lean towards, I don't think she could have or would have actually done it.

Like, yes, it takes her a second to kind of feel the emotions when they hear about it. but like the moment she does she's like oh my gosh those are people's actual lives I think a person who comes to that conclusion when someone else does it is someone who could not have even if they were fantasizing even if it made them feel powerful to think about it I don't think that's a person who could actually bring themselves to do it that is my perception of it and so then what that kind of also made me think about. I feel like, I feel like this movie does ask the question, who do we reserve sympathy and empathy for? It oddly made me think of One Tree Hill where there is a

storyline like this. We spend time with the, it's important, white male character who commits the killings um in a later season of that show and it is like in the pop culture canon like that moment um spoiler alert for a show that came out like 10 or 50 like more than 15 years ago he ends up killing a character that we all love like a a man that we love love like a man that we love love love, love, love, love, who is a good man. And I hadn't thought about One Tree Hill, I mean, outside of it when it's in the zeitgeist. I had not thought about One Tree Hill probably since, like, high school. And when I was sitting there, and it's like the people around Emma are reacting so intensely.

I was immediately brought back to the fact that that character in One Tree Hill, I can't think of the character's name, but the character who does do it has a relatively sympathetic arc that we follow and even the man that he kills that like is like someone we really really really really love this man is even like trying to tell him like you don't have to do this man you like it's okay there's and i understand like when you're in that moment you're you're saying what what can be said to hopefully keep it from happening but i we have had some extremely or much more sympathetic portrayals of this actually in media previously when it when it was a white male who'd been bullied criticisms of the movie discuss how her race is not an integral enough part of the discussion.

And I, one, not my place to say how, how her, I mean, and she's, she's biracial, but it is not my place to say whether black women were portrayed fairly. But I will say that I understand the criticism. I very much understand the criticism. and there is a possibility that it was just my own perspective that was making me ask those questions while I watched it. So there's also like a huge possibility that like I'm like, well, I think it kind of was there in the background. And maybe it was too much in the background. Like that could 100,000% be the case.

This is, again, I am not defending the movie in any way, shape, or form. I am just disgusting my experience with it. But for me, I was sitting there and I was like, we have had portrayals of this in media before where the reaction was not this intense. Like there was, there was a larger shred of empathy or sympathy or whatever when it's been portrayed not by Zendaya or Emma. So I thought it really brought up a lot of those really good questions. I think Rachel losing her goddamn mind the whole movie long

is again what I can speak on is a very special brand of white woman who like the second they find something with someone else they are just gonna be bitches

like that that's all I can really say about it and I know that she and Rachel weren't necessarily even friends friends I think this is more she meets them through Robert Pattinson's character. But Rachel's terrible. And I think that's very clear.

There's a lot of discussion about who the villain is in this movie. And again, it could be my perspective. It could be that I brought my own perspective so much that I'm giving the movie too much credit. But I feel like the movie does, I think the villains are the systems that created all of these characters. If there was a better system in place for, uh, like, children who are being bullied at school, who just moves, who are struggling with mental health, Emma may never have gotten to a point where the aesthetic was alluring. Um, if, if we somehow, you know, had a system involved that meant that, like, Rachel couldn't just believe that she treated someone with disabilities

so terribly, but that it's just kind of okay and funny, then Rachel would be the megalomaniac that we see her be throughout this whole movie. I think there's clearly a mental health issue because we are a country that has so many events like this happening in schools, and it just doesn't happen at the same rate everywhere else. So I think the system that like obsessively protects second amendment rights like to an extreme like that's a part of how this is such a big part of our culture so i thought like all of those things were interesting now on a less serious note the other thing that is fascinating about it i really thought it was incredibly smart brilliant whatever how they used the wedding vows as kind of the structure, the structure of like seeing what is changing so much across the course of the movie. We very early on, the main thing that we're spending time

with with Robert Patton's character is him writing his vows about how like he loves her laugh. He loves how she takes care of other people he loves uh like her wit and her deep empathy like he's listing all these things that he truly means about her before he knows about her confession then she's like tells this the this uh secret and then we see him going back to his vows and and it's it's good comedic timing but we have him like cutting certain parts out because all of a sudden he he's like, wait, I don't actually know this person. And so now he's like trying to still somehow write a version of his vows. And then by the end, he doesn't even know what to write. And he's completely lost the like love sick feeling that he had about her at the very beginning. So amidst all

of these, the like glaringly obvious discussion, the the main point really being what if someone thought about doing that at a school but didn't besides the fact that that's like the the like big headline of the movie i think what it's also kind of reminding us is one the honeymoon period is one thing and it it morphs how you see someone and we all know that we all know that the longer you're with someone the more you learn about their flaws their hangups like all of that that's going to happen over time. But also, like, you, you don't know when you're getting married. You don't know what both of you are going to face, whether it's life, whether it's related to each other, whether it's related to family, friends, current events, circumstances, all of that. You, you don't

actually know. And it, even then if we take it outside of the perspective of, marriage. There is, you will never know, you will never know another person completely. It's hard to know yourself completely. But even in the way that you do have an understanding of yourself, you will never have that experience. You will never know what it actually means to be someone else, to be, to live the experience of someone else. I love books and I love movies because it gets us, it can get us so close to experiencing what it would be like to be someone else, but even we're not even completely knowing. So the other thing that this movie does a great job of is exploring that part.

Relationships in general change over time. New information changes relationships over time. You don't always know who you're marrying. There's a version of their fictional, lives where they don't play this game where she doesn't tell her secret and they just get married and he never knows this about her and she never does anything violent and it's completely okay. Like their relationship is fine long term. There's a version of that where if he never even finds out and she never acts on anything

and they could have just kind of kept their relationship going that way. and it wouldn't have ever mattered that she thought about doing something because she never did it and she never acted on it in any way, shape, or form later in life. And like, that's a whole trippy part too is like, is he better for knowing that about her? And I mean, obviously we're talking about spoilers. I think the end is brilliant where she's like, want to start over is like the gist. And then there's that theme, which. I can't even get into all the themes that were in that movie.

And they do start over it. And so I also kind of feel like there's a version of that ending that is like, if you are with anyone long term in any type of relationship, you're going to learn things about them over and over and over again. And sometimes it's going to be about continuing to choose that person, especially when what maybe made you not choose that person was a thought that they had that they never acted on. So yeah, it was a very fascinating, very, very, very fascinating movie to me. I understand the criticisms.

I understand why, which is a terrible word for it. I understand why there should be trigger warnings for people. If you had lived through something like this, it's not going to be a funny movie. movie to you. I don't I don't know what to do about the fact that it is a funny movie. I did laugh at multiple points. I don't know that it's subject matter I ever would have boldly traversed with fiction myself, but I thought it gave us a lot to think about and it could be me applying my perspective. I could be giving the movie too much credit that's very possible. And I I I do, I will link this article that I saw a lot of people were sharing.

The drama laughs at our pain. I think it's a very fair interpretation of it as well. So if you want to read it, you can. I think the title itself, the drama laughs at our pain. Sometimes for me, laughing through the pain or being able to laugh about how painful parts of life is healing or is helpful. I understand that it's not always healing and helpful. So I do think I do appreciate Brooks' perspective on it. But yeah, those are my thoughts. There is my drama about the drama. There are my thoughts about yesteryear. There are my thoughts about

the false profit. Who would have thought? I literally was just like, okay, what could I talk about by myself? Here we are two hours later. But who would have thought all of these were actually, I mean, the drama's not totally interconnected, but yesteryear airing around the same time as the false prophet was kind of crazy for me too. So you know I love to hear your thoughts and your opinions about this stuff too. So if anything stuck out to you, if If you want to point something out that I missed, definitely DM me.