Bookwild - If We Were Toxic Characters

Episode Date: December 27, 2022

Gare woke up and chose violence.  His icebreaker question was what our most toxic traits are, and somehow we turned the icebreaker into a full episode.  You've heard us talk about hundreds of toxic characters, now it's time to talk about our own toxic hangups.Follow us on Instagram:Garehttps://www.instagram.com/gareindeedreads/Katehttps://www.instagram.com/thegirlwiththebookonthecouch/Books We Talked About This WeekSeeing Strangers Get Bookwild MerchCheck Out My Stories Are My Religion SubstackCheck Out Author Social Media PackagesCheck out the Bookwild Community on PatreonCheck out the Imposter Hour Podcast with Liz and GregFollow @imbookwild on InstagramOther Co-hosts On Instagram:Gare Billings @gareindeedreadsSteph Lauer @books.in.badgerlandHalley Sutton @halleysutton25Brian Watson @readingwithbrian 

Hey guys, welcome to the Killing the Tea podcast. This is Gare and Kate. And we are going to be discussing all things, chills, thrills, and kills. Kate and I are going to be talking about our favorite books, TV shows and movies that are in the thriller or crime fiction genre, as well as some reading habits and other items related to how we met on Bookstagram that will fit in with this podcast. So, Thank you so much for joining us, and we hope that you have fun and get totally terrified. I keep getting this book mixed up, the first book, confused with another book that has a similar plot of like the woman whose sister, friend, cousin, neighbor, something went missing years ago and then like found out that like she was like killed in like a hit and run. Like it was like super rainy and she was like hit by a car. Oh. But like you don't find out until the end.

And I was like, well, that, like, I just keep, I don't know why. I don't know what book it is. And I don't know why I keep thinking of it. But I hate what that happens. I have that happen every now and then. Or like, sometimes I'll just remember a really specific scene. And I'll be like, that was so good. I was like, what book is it from?

Yeah. Like, all I can remember is this like in the end of this book finding out that like, I don't know if it was like somebody was drunk driving and like hit her and like found, found her like under the truck and then like hit her body but it like wasn't the it wasn't like the big murder that they thought that it was. Huh. Interesting. I can't always tell how I feel about those when the answer is like, oh, it was nothing. Exact like that. Like that. Sometimes it works Sometimes it does not. I think so I think it depends on how it's written.

Like if I'm reading a book about an unsolved cold case murder or unsolved cold case death and they're like, it's a killer, it's a murderer, it's this horrible person. Some part of me believes it even when you find out like it was an accident or it was something else that isn't as dark as you've seen because I think the thing is right now with society is like when a young woman goes missing, you automatically assume. the worst. Yeah. So that's why sometimes it works for me, but it depends on how it's written. Yeah, I agree. It does come down to that. If you have... Sometimes, like, the other things happening in the story make it just like,

oh, okay, I'm fine with that. If you have, like, somebody who, like, goes missing and there's, like, 10 people that want to kill them and you're just throwing red herring and red herring at me. Right. And then it's like, oh, no, she accidentally, like, slipped on a rock and fell into the ocean and nobody ever saw her again. I'm like, fuck me, at least let somebody push her. all of this time for this. Thanks for the 400 pages of nothing. Yeah. Yeah. I haven't had too many bad ones lately, thankfully. I just don't, you know what my problem is? I keep just forcing myself to read things because I want to read. I just don't know what I want to read. So I'm just like reading things and I'm like, oh, that was pretty good. But I don't know if it was pretty good because I actually

didn't enjoy it or if it was just pretty good because like I started reading it and realized I probably should have picked up something different. Oh my gosh. So life is just... That's like a bad cycle to be stuck in. Yes. I am right now known as the toxic reader. I know. I know.

You've got all kinds of toxic ideas. Speaking of toxicity. Yeah. Are you ready for your icebreaker? I think I'm ready. Okay. I've been reading a lot of toxic relationships. watching movies with toxic relationships.

And my icebreaker is what would be your biggest toxic trait? And if you don't genuinely think that you have a toxic trait because I actually don't think, I can't picture you actually having one, if you don't have one, then what would you say is your, like, best defense on getting toxic people out of your life? Well, thank you for asking. I've been dying to talk about the darker parts of myself. So it's an interesting way to phrase the question because you're asking what's my most toxic trait and what protects me the most from toxic people. And it's actually my toxic trait. So I'm really good at growing a cute little pile of resentment. inside of me with people.

And then when they finally push me too far, I'm just completely done with them. Like, just completely done. I don't care to talk about it. I'm just done. On the flip side, being able to cut people out protects you from toxic people who don't deserve to be in your life.

So I feel like my answer is the same for both questions. I actually think the same thing about myself. Like, I at first, in what I've been reading and watching lately was like my toxic trait is that like, and this has happened before. It's not just something I'm like imagining as my toxic trait, but like I will give people chances. I will be fine communicating with you. This is what's bothering me. This is what you've done that pissed me off.

But I get to a certain point where like I feel like I'm not getting through to you anymore or you're not allowing me to communicate. anymore because you think it's like a waste of time or whatever. So then I'm like, all right, I'm done. Like I gave you a few chances. Now, my toxic trait, honestly, is I'm really good at cutting people out. But my second toxic trait is that they're kind of connected. My second toxic trait, or I guess like maybe like something that holds on to my toxic trait, like an appendage of it.

is that I cannot tell you how many times people have been cut out of my life over one thing or over two things. But then there are other people that have gotten five, 10, 15 chances. So my biggest toxic trait is that like I am beyond willing to cut you out and I'm good doing it. But you just don't know when it's going to be. I'm not one of those people that's like, oh, one and done or like, you know, two times or like third time strikes out, whatever, that shit. Like I'm like, depending on the situations. I'm very unpredictable. Like it could be like one thing and I'm like,

fuck out of here. Or it could be like, this is the 10th time you've pulled this shit. And I don't care if it's the 10th time you've done it in like 10 years. We're done. Yeah. We're done so. Yeah.

Mine is pretty much. I like, I like that you gave your toxic trait. And then the most toxic thing about your toxic trait. And the most toxic thing about that. But mine definitely is more, there's a quote that says, I don't trust words. I even question actions, but I never question patterns. So mine is like the second it feels like it's a pattern, I'm done.

I'm just done. Yeah. It's really hard for people to change patterns. And if they don't seem like there's someone who can look at their patterns, then I know it's not going to change anyway. So I'm not wasting my energy on that. Yeah. Yeah, I've had like friendships that have like fizzled out, you know, because of like people changed. Like it's totally normal. I'm completely fine with a friendship. Like I'm completely

fine drifting apart from a friend because like at the end of the day, like, you know, people are there for you for like a reason, a season or for some pleasing. And I don't even know what I don't know what the saying is. I don't know, but that's perfect. But like, you know what I mean? Like sometimes you just need that sort of friend in your life in that moment. And then like as time goes on, people change. They drift like especially in your 20s. You know, like I am single. I do not have children.

And I like had friends that we were single and did not have children together. And then they got married and they started families. And I'm like, good for you. I'm happy for you. But like our friendship drifted apart because we have different lifestyles. You know. And now I'm more introverted. And like I want the friends that are fine with like one on

one time stuff like that. Like the people that always want you to go to like big social gatherings, I'm like, I'm not going to make big, I'm not going to make like great friends at a social gathering when I'm trying to like spend 15, 20 minutes with like each person. No, thank you. Right. But like I, you know, have definitely like lost friends over the years and like people are

like, oh, like I'm so surprised you and so and so are not friends anymore because you've been friends for years and years and years. and I'm like, it just always seems like people don't expect it. And like, to me, a number means nothing. Like, you could be my friend for 10 years and, like, I have no problem cutting you out if, like, your bullshit is getting to be bullshit. Yeah. Yeah.

Like, if you cause me stress, anxiety or you're bringing drama into my life that I try to protect myself from, like. Yes. Yeah. Fly south. I just feel like more and more I have less. I'll stay north. You fly south with your bullshit. That's how I feel about that.

Yeah. You know, like, you and I have been friends for a very short period of time. I know. I feel like I know you very well. Like, that's why I was very interested when I was like, when I woke up this morning and chose violence and I was like, I'm in a mood. Here's the ice maker I want to do tonight. And I was like, I'm always in that mood.

Yeah. But like when I like said that, I was like, I don't know what your toxic trait would be, which is why I was like, you know, what is your toxic trait or what do you protect yourself from other people's toxicity? Because like I've known you for a short time. I feel like we're very close. But, you know, I don't. Since we are in person too or like in the same friend group, we haven't like experienced anything where like that would come up too. You know what I mean? Like we have. been in a situation where you're like, oh, so that's how you handle things under stress. Very true. Very true. Yeah. Yeah. It's such a good. Yeah.

Well, I've been watching like, like I watched The War of the Roses this weekend. Nice. And I've like read some Colleen Hoover books, you know, where I'm like, what the hell? How would I handle that situation? And I think the thing that made me think of it is because anytime I'm in that situation where there's somebody toxic in my life. I like really try to like do my best to like be good at communicating, but also like if I hit a wall with that, like I'm very good at letting go.

And I always feel like sometimes a friendship or relationship ends. And like when you feel like a weight has been lifted, you're doing the right thing. That is a really, really good point. Yeah. Especially if you're debating if you need to end it, if the. idea of like not having to talk to them anymore brings you relief might be worth doing yeah yeah like i've never ended a friendship that i regretted you know what i mean because like at the end of the day like if you end a friendship with somebody or you end a relationship with someone and like

you are very like upset and you're like i wish i could do this you could almost label it as like an argument or a fight and make up with that person but if you feel like a weight has been lifted and like you're fine with it then yeah like i'm good moving you're good moving on, you know? But I think that's why, like, I thought of the idea because I've been, like, reading and watching a lot of things about toxic relationships and toxic friendships. And then thinking about my own experiences with that topic. And I'm just kind of like, maybe the reason why I have a hard time believing some of the decisions that people make in those positions is because I'm very much like, I guess you would say, like a fight or

flight. Like, I'm just going to like bounce, dude. Like, I'm not going to, like, I'm not a real housewife. No, I'm not either. I'm really not. I don't want to waste energy. Like, if I think I'm right, I don't need a waste energy proving that I am. I already believe it. No, no. I always believe I think this is why I kind of like Candace from Potomac. Why I really like Candace from Potomac. But I feel like she is good with like a war of words, but like she really only snaps and collapse back at people when they come at her first. And I kind of feel like that's how I am. Like, I will never go somewhere and be like, oh, I'm going to start some drama tonight. Like, oh, I'm going to bring this up to see, like, what reaction. Like, I'm not a Lisa Rina.

You know, but like, if somebody, like, if somebody comes at me, I have no problem, like, sticking up for myself or speaking of it. But, like, that's just not my vibe. Would you say that you don't start shit, but you can tell them how it ends? I wish I could. But I feel like most of the people. people that start shit with me, like, don't know when to let it go. So they just keep going and going. It was just the lyric reference. I did, but like, I can't say. You can't not answer. I can't answer it the way that I want to because I'd love to say that. But my experience of people starting shit with me is that they do it out of pure entertainment. And then, like, I can end it with,

like most people who don't want to be assholes, but like some people just don't know when to stop arguing. They don't. Even if they're like grasping at straws. Yeah. Or if they, I love when you're arguing with somebody though and they realize that they're wrong and you see it in their eyes. Oh, it's the best moment.

Oh, I love that. It might be better than sex that moment. So vindictive. Yeah. Like when they're like, like, well, actually. Yes. And you're like, actually, this, we're done here. You just found the fault in your argument.

Yeah, yeah. On your own. I do like to argue if it's as long as, I don't know, I just hate when people interrupt me. Yeah, I'll debate, I guess. And then if I don't see it's going anywhere, I just get bored. Yeah. Well, we've definitely learned tonight, though. is that we will either be friends forever or it will be bad

when it ends. Yeah, but like anything I've ever talked to you about that I'm complaining about a social situation or something like relating to a friendship or a potential relationship. Well, I haven't talked to you about a potential relationship because I haven't had my hall pass yet, but that was one of the things I was cracking up about the other day.

That was so funny. What would my hall pass? and I'm like, wait a second, I don't know. But like anything I've ever talked to you about where I'm like complaining or like venting, I feel like you're like, uh, like I get it. Like this is why, you know, I think I don't see like. I can't imagine that we would ever fight. But now we know it would be like World War four, three, four. No, I don't think it would. I just don't think it'll happen. I don't, I think that you're way too good at communicating that there wouldn't be an actual, that you, there wouldn't be an actual argument. I've said this to my friend Cindy as well, like very early on in our friendship. I was like, you're so easy to talk to. And like, I can tell if you're annoyed with me about something, but like she just lets everything go so quickly. Yeah. I was like, I don't foresee us like ever not being friends and like that's how I feel about you. Yeah, me too. You know, so I don't think that, I mean, I don't think that we have anything to worry about.

Greg loves us. Greg from EG Scott messaged me and was like, I'm caught up. I like love you guys and like your relationship. And I was like, thank you. Thank you. That's so fun. I love him. I love knowing people are listening.

Mm-hmm, even trolls. Okay, I need to stop choosing violence. You're right. But I will say when you told me we had our first troll, I was just like, we're legit. We're legit. You make you even more legit. If someone out there hates something. I just, I'm just poking your violence. I just don't understand. I don't know. Like if you and I are talking, oh my God, just ruffling my feathers.

Like my whole thing is, is like if you and I are talking and I'm like, like we've done this before when like one of us kind of gives a little look when we're recording is like if one of us like says like I loved this book and like it didn't work for you or I didn't like it. I might be like if we're if we're texting like I might be like oh my God I fucking hated that for like this woman. But like if somebody posts a review on Instagram and they're like I love this book so much

and I'm not going to be like this didn't work for me. No. No. If I post something on my story and some. like, oh, I don't care about this. I'm like, I don't give a shit what you care about. Like, move on. Right. I didn't post it for you. Yeah. Like, I'm posting things that I, that make me happy that I'm excited for.

So, like, when somebody just, I don't know, when they're like, oh, you guys have this opinion, like, we never shut up. So, like, you know why we have the opinions that we have. So I don't need somebody telling me I shouldn't like something. I should love something. I shouldn't. Like, I do like what I like. And I don't like. what I don't like. And after how I woke up, I feel like I'm in my reputation era. I think you're in your, I think you're in your reputation era. I've been trying not to quote the songs just over and over and over again. Could you imagine if like a large inflatable snake rose up behind me and then they were like pyro? Yes. Everywhere. She's like, and I'm like so.

Like today we are spilling the tea Yeah today there's just tea spillage Well I don't know Killing the tea actually works very well for that That's true too You're right Killing the toxicity out of my life Yeah

Yeah Yeah But we probably know how to deal with people So well because we read so many toxic Characters Yeah were well equipped. I just, I don't know. I feel like in fiction, it's like, well, here's my thing. I don't mind a toxic. I don't mind a toxic man. I don't mind a toxic man. Keep it interesting because I'm getting something out of it. If you catch my drift. You know, let's like, what's drifting. I caught it. What's drifting. Like, I'm getting something out of that. So like, keep it interesting if you want to. But when it comes to like any other relationship. Yeah. Like friends, family mailman, grocery bagger.

I know. Get your talk to. Get your bullshit out of my life. I love my male lady. I have a male lady. Oh, yeah. You said yours kind of like knocks or rings the doorbell. You kind of talk to her.

She doesn't anymore. Oh, because it's cold. Because I got a big ass mailbox. Oh. I got a huge mailbox. So she doesn't have to. And I feel like as happy as I am for her, because she doesn't have to, like, pull in the driveway and, like, get out and ring the doorbell.

Excuse me. As happy as I am for her, I feel like I jinx myself because ever since I got it, I get, like, legit, like, hardly any bookmail now. And I don't know if it's just because it's, like, Estenot Time or... Whoa. I know. I'm like, well... That's concerning.

Yeah. So, yeah. I do love a male named Neathe. Jacobs. He can be toxicly. He can be toxic for however long he wants to. Actually, can we have a crush corner really quick? Uh, yeah, always. Okay. I do have another toxic crush. Oh, oh my God. He's he's under me. He's under you. That's good. That's a good start. He's under my laptop. Okay, seeing strangers by Sebastian J. Plata, P-L-A-T-A-A. Okay.

Okay, first of all, I have been trying to get this book since the summer, and they were pushing back the pub date, and then, like, Amazon wasn't carrying it, but, like, other stores were. I ended up paying $45 for this. Whoa. I don't know so hard to get it. $40. And it was because, like, I ordered it from this bookstore and they were like, here's like what your shipping is going to be. Here's the price of the book. I think they asked for like some sort of donation. And I was like, I'll donate to anything if you just get this puppy in the mail. So Greg in this book is very toxic. And I love him dearly. So he is Nate Jacobs competition. I absolutely love this book. So. much, so, so, so much. I want it to be a movie. It is about a gay couple who, after 10 years, have an open relationship to spice things up so they don't get bored having sex with another.

Go ahead, do it. And they decide they want to have a baby. While being in an open relationship. Or is that a spoiler? No, they want to have a child. So they have a surrogate and she's pregnant, but they are basically have made the decision to close their relationship when the baby arrives. So like you can have this open relationship. You can hook up with whoever you want to. Yeah. But once this baby comes, like it's just you and me, pal. But it kind of plays with that like open relationship, inviting other people into your bedroom, like be careful who you invite into your bedroom because they could be psycho fucking nuts.

Yeah. So good. When you finished reading that, you were even telling me how good it was. And I've had it on my list ever since you said that. I love the cover. But I need to get through the burning girl. I'm so close to being done with those. I mean, they were great, but I haven't gotten to my other wrecks from you.

I just love I just love where queer fiction is going in the thriller genre because you had like Bathhouse by PJ Vernon I haven't had that one either so good but it's about a guy who like kind of feels bored in his relationship so he decides to like cheat and go to a bathhouse

when his partner's out of town and then when he goes into the bathhouse to get a little like hoo hoo hoo ha ha ha some guy tries to kill him and he's like I can't tell the police what really happened. And I can't tell my partner what happened to me because then everybody is going to know I'm a cheating dirt bag. Oh my gosh. And then this one, like, Homeboy Greg is very toxic, but super sexy. And he's like, he basically is like, I don't think this is like a spoiler because you just kind of know how he, like, the kind of person he is.

But like, he's basically like, I have to like bang out as many guys as I can before this big of comes. right and then shit get crazy I bet it does that's my crush corner Greg I'm excited also this is the author of the book well we can add him to the crush corner then too he's one of the nicest people in the entire world that makes even better

I told him I like I like split into those DMs because I wouldn't shut up about this book on my stories and I, you know, was like, I have the biggest crush on Greg. And he's like, that's a little concerning because everyone else hates him. You're like, don't you want me to love your character? And I was like, well, you know, what did my friend Cindy say yesterday? I said something about like a toxic romantic partner.

And she was like, I just feel like you're going to end up with the kind of guy that like, one day he's going to snap and I'm just going to know that you're like he's holding you hostage in a basement and you're just like fine you're just like fine living your life that way oh my gosh she's not wrong now I'm like fear unlocked I'm like well then Cindy and I who will have never met who still haven't met each other or talk to each other then we'll ban together to find you and it'll be like the best thriller ever and you guys and then we'll get there and you're like I didn't want you to save me I want to stay here You guys like find the house and you're like crouching down on this lawn looking like

looking in this basement window and I'm like, fuck out here. Yes. Leave me alone. This is great. Out of here. It brings me books like I just read all day. I just read all day and then ask him. Then he comes home and I don't read.

He comes home and I, he just tells me why he decided to keep me in this basement because he's the only one that wants to have me. Isn't it so cute? I just love that. It's kind of like, you've watched all of Euphoria, right? Yeah. I love the prom scene from the first season

when like Maddie and Nate are like wanting to murder each other across the room. And like Kat is like, I kind of feel like Maddie and Nate are going to like get married and divorce like four or five times, but still like live. They feel like that couple. Like live happily ever after at the end of it. and like truly be the only ones that are happy out of all of us. Yes.

Yeah, probably. Or we had a couple like that that was just like on and off again all of high school. And then like they had another, they were on and off again all through like their freshman year of college. And then their sophomore year, they were like, all right, we're breaking up. Like they started living in different states at that point. And right after they decided that they were going to break up,

she found out she was pregnant. And then they got back together and got married. they've been married since then. So that's probably going to be Nate and Maddie. It's going to be me and Nate. Thank you very much. Or you and Nate, even better, except who's getting pregnant? Well, maybe it'll just be like, absolutely.

I'm way too selfish to have children. I've, like, said this to people before because people have, like, a tendency to, like, I don't know what it is about, like, maybe they just don't realize that I'm being bitchy and they think that I'm being really open. but like people have a tendency to like say something to me who don't know me very well. I'm like, well, do you ever want children?

Like knowing fully well that I'm like single and I haven't met like a partner yet. And I'm like, no, I don't want children like Becky. You want to know what I want. I want to not wait 35 years to find my soulmate and then finally find him and share his attention with some fucking kid. Yes, exactly. No, I don't want children. I've been searching for that. searching for this guy my entire life and you think I'm going to share my attention to

some kid. No, I do not. I love that. Like, think about like the couples trips. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, I want to experience those things like with my partner and I, not with, like, some kid who we have to take to like water safari or like going a frigging roller coaster and like throw up at 11 o'clock in the morning and ruin my whole day. Yeah. know if that's your vibe. I also get like when I tell people I'm too selfish for it, people think I'm like shitting on myself and then feel the need to be like, no, you're not, you're wonderful. And I'm like, I'm not asking you to tell me I'm wonderful.

I'm telling you, I don't give up my free time the way you do. Yeah, I have like, they might do that more to women though. I have friends who have like children and like, oh my God, this is so much work. But I can tell that they're happy. Yeah. You know what I mean? And in it, I just don't think that I would be happy doing that because I'm much more selfish than they are. Yeah.

And but I also don't like, and I mean, nobody said this to me because there's not a chance of, I would have to go through a lot of hoops in order to have a child. You know, like I have to like surrogate or adoption or whatever the case may be. Like it'd have to be something I really think about. You know what I mean? It's not like, oh, I decided to buy like a larger SUV than I wanted. It's, you know, and there's like deciding whose DNA it is and like all the complications of that. Right. But like, I mean, so nobody's, nobody's asked me this, but I've heard them say it to other people who like, to other women.

Mm-hmm. Where they're like, do you, oh, like, I'm too selfish. Like, I don't want children. And they're like, you never know how unselfish you can be until you have a child. And it's like, listen, like, I don't like, if I were. woman and somebody said that to me, I'd be like, I don't think that's a risk I'm willing to take. Like, I'm not going to be like, oh, you know what? You know what I should do? Like, let me get pregnant on purpose to like test how selfish I think I am. I completely. I just agree with you so much.

With a child. I know. You don't have a child for a month and be like, actually, you know what? I don't think I was meant to do this. Return to send her. Exactly. That's what I'll get it. And again, I agree with you so much. There are people who. this is their journey and that needs to be part of their journeys having kids. And I think that's great. Yeah. And I don't, I'm open to the fact that my opinion can change in the future because my opinions on other things have changed before. But my favorite, I have come so close because what another thing women like to say to other women is you really don't want to experience that in your lifetime. Like you're willing to like pass up on that experience. And I always want to be like, do you plan on

experiencing LSD in your lifetime. Like I want to throw something ridiculous back at them like, oh, so we're just supposed to experience everything that we can in life. Right, right. And like, that's the thing too is like obviously you and I are very understanding how like everybody's different. They have different interests. Like some people are more extroverted and social and some people are and some people like movies over TV and some people like books or whatever. I just like books over bullshit and I like being left alone. So like, leave me be. If you ask me a question and I give you an answer, it's not a debate. It's you asking me, do you ever want children? No, I do not. I have not met the man of my dreams yet. And when I do, I want to do fun, coupley things with him. Even if it's

just him sitting on a couch, staring at me, giving me compliments while I read a book about murder. Right. That's what I want to experience in my life. You can experience parenthood and yours. You can stub your toe on a fucking rusty nail every day of your life for all I care. If that's the experience you want to have, leave me alone. Right. Yes. Are you sure you don't want to? Are you sure, though? Yeah. I was like getting an ultrasound one time because I had a cyst. And the nurse who is also a female is just like, well, when do you think you're going to have kids? And I'm 21 at the time. And I was just, I was. And I was. And I was. just like, I don't know that I want them at all. And she was like, she like patted my stomach, which like, I wasn't pregnant. I had a cyst. And she's like rubbing the whatever that wand is like around, like looking for a cyst. And she's like, I was like that when I was 21 too. And now I have my kids. And I was just like, can we be done with this appointment, please? There's such a difference in like uplifting somebody and like trying to like guilt or bully them

into making the same decision. Like if I said to you, like, do you ever want to have children? And you were like, I don't think I would be a good mother. I would be like, I think you are such a caring person that like if you decided to do that, you would be a fantastic mom. You have a heart of gold. You're just a fucking perfect little angel. But like if you were like, no, I don't think that I want to have children. Like, okay, cool. Like, do you want to get a third dog soon? Like, what are you doing for dinner? Like, I'm going to move on. And it's just so weird how people get in your business. It is. You know what else I hate? Go on. Tell me. You finish. Oh, I was going to say, there even was a time where I was afraid I couldn't be a good mom because of the mom I had. And then I got

past that. And so even now, I'm like, don't think that that would be the problem. But I'm still like, I don't feel like having a kid right now, though. Yeah. Yeah. I don't like, I don't even know. if it's mom shaming if you have decided to not be a mom, but like, I just don't like the whole like shaming people into like not making the decisions that you've made. Right. I also want to say for the record, like, I do not like single shaming. Right. If you have a friend who is single and they're having a down moment on like Valentine's Day or

like going to a wedding solo or something and they like want to complain to you or they're having a moment or they're like, you know, I really wish I could find a boyfriend or like I really want to see that for me. Like let them say it, but like you do not need to bring it up. If I had a dollar for every time somebody said to me, oh, Gere, I just want you to find love. Okay. Like what am I supposed to say to that? Because my response is bitchy, right?

My natural response is bitchy. But sometimes some people deserve that and some people don't. But like leave your single friends alone. I don't need you to tell me you want me to find love. I don't need you to tell me you want me to find someone because at the end of the day, I've seen enough in other people's relationships to know that like being single isn't all that bad. No. And the way I see it, like, yes, I'm single.

And you should be able to be single before you are with someone all the time. And I don't want to be with somebody all the time either. That's the thing too is I need my own like space. Like I'm never going to be one of those people that like spends 24 seven with their partner because like I need time to myself and get sick of people very quickly like that. But like if that's how you want to have your relationship, then like good for you if that's what makes you happy. But like my whole thing is like I hate when people are like, I want you to find someone. I want to see you with somebody. And it's like no, I want you to worry about yourself.

Because at the end of the day like it would be nice obviously. if Jacob Allorty came and knocked on my door and was like, I can't stop thinking about you. I want to be with you. Or if I meet a guy that gives me. That gives me the same feeling as that. If I met somebody and it happened organically, like that would be nice. I'm not out searching for a relationship just so that I can be in a relationship. But I also like everybody has different outlooks.

My outlook on it is like I have been in love before. I've experienced love. I've experienced breakups. I've experienced that to know. Like when I'm on my deathbed, I'm going to honestly say like, I know what it's like to be in love with someone. I know what it's like to be heartbroken. I know I've experienced that. If I don't experience that between me saying this today and the day that I die, it's not going to affect me any because I've already experience love. I don't need to spend my entire life with somebody who I'm going to bound to hate. Yeah. Possibly. When I met Tyler, I was, I said I was never going to get married. And specifically, if anyone would have pushed me on the answer and sometimes they did, I would have said basically that same

thing that I have no interest in being stuck with someone I hate for the rest of my lifetime. Yeah. And then I met Tyler and was like, God damn it. So here we are. But that's what I mean about like organic. It was the same thing where like I was not looking for that. He was not looking for that. We were technically friends before we were together even. And where else was I going with that?

I might have completely lost it. There was one other part. Was it people pressuring you into like, meeting somebody. Nope. It might just be gone. Oh, no, no, no. You were saying you don't want to be around someone 24-7.

When we were first together, there was a book we read together slash listen to an audiobook. That's cute. It was like a memoir, a guy's memoir, just like things he's kind of like learned about relationships and stuff. And he talks about how he would not commit to anyone until it was someone he could be alone with. And so then like his description of that was either like you could actually be sitting in the same room and be alone together, like actually feel like that person is a complete enough person that they're doing their own thing and you're doing your own thing or that just like they allow you

the space in the relationship to feel like you're alone. So like when Tyler travels and can't talk for hours and hours and hours, it's like, yeah, that's just what you're doing. But he even when he's traveling as people who are like, oh, I need to go call my wife or, oh, I need to go text my wife back or blah, blah, blah. I'm like, why would you want to live like that? No, no. I, yeah, yeah, I don't know. It's just, like, really weird. I guess, like, one of the toxic things I hate is, like, people who, like, need to put their nose in your business. Like, you don't need to tell, you don't need to ask somebody, like, when they're going to have a child. No. You don't need to ask, like, are you sure you don't want to be a mother? You don't need to ask me.

like I just hate when like someone's like, I want you to find somebody. Because it's almost like you're saying it in like a pitiful way. And it's like what exactly is going to change in your life if I'm in a relationship? Exactly. And it's like rude to, it's rude to assume that your life isn't complete because of it. Exactly. I was going to say that too. Like why are you bringing it up?

I don't feel like I'm like, I don't feel like I'm half of a couple walking around searching for like my other half. I'm my own person. That's another thing. Tyler and I are not like big romantics in that sense. And I was like the same thing to both us. We're not like, oh, you're the missing puzzle piece, the only one that was going to fit for me. Like all that. It's just like put so much pressure on it too.

Like you're like, you're the only person I could be with. No, no. I don't even think like I don't. I like to believe there's like somebody compatible out there for. every person, but I don't believe in like, there's somebody out there for everyone. And like, you're just like walking around like, oh, the person you're meant to be with right now is just in the wrong relationship or they're like in Australia or something fighting a fucking kangaroo.

I don't know. Like, there's somebody out there that you're compatible with, but like at the end of the day, like there's not like the whole point of life isn't for me to go through it, like waiting for the moment that I finally meet the person I'm supposed to be with. No. Because some people that I know have felt that way and then like a couple years later, their relationships over or all of their friends are like your relationship should be over. Yes. So that's the part where like you meet someone that may be the timing of your life, you're interested in a relationship or you just are compatible and keep getting closer to them.

But then like what decides whether it lasts or not is like how much effort you put into it. But it's also how you're understanding of the other person. Exactly. Like how much you're willing to understand yourself and like explain, share that part. And then also how much you're able to like wrap your head around the fact that the person you're with is not you. And they do things differently than you. Like if I met a guy and I was like, oh my God, he's like perfect on paper being that he's like tall and I'm very attracted to him. And like he compliments me often.

Like he's like, oh my God. what are you doing with your skin? I love whatever your cleanser is doing makes you look 20 years younger. Fine. But like if a week from now, he's like, oh, like, I wish you like went out to more parties with me and like, I wish you were more social and I wish you like wanted to like go away every single weekend instead of like taking time to yourself and like relaxing or like, I wish you wanted to do all the things I wanted to do.

I would literally know that there's coffee creamer in my refrigerator that's going to last longer than this relationship. Yes. I was so sure you were about to say, like, I would be running in the other direction. And then all of a sudden you said coffee creamer, and I was like, do he just say coffee cream? Yeah, there's coffee creamer. I love that analogy. I love that analogy.

It's not longer than you are, buddy. Yeah. My Starbucks oat milk is going to be around longer than you. Yeah, I don't like feeling bossed around or told to be something. I'm not. It's just weird. I like to go and like celebrate. Like if I give a shit about somebody, like, I like to go and like celebrate like when

they're like, oh my God, I met somebody. Yeah. Good for you. Good for you. Like we decided to like do this in our relationship. Good for you. Like I like to be the person, but like I'm not going to nose around and be like, when are you going to get married?

When are you going to have children? I know. Like, what are you going to like your relationship and your life is not my business? Like I'm just here to like celebrate the good things with you. Yeah. Yeah. be there as a friend for you when bad things happen and not cause unnecessary bullshit in your life in the meantime.

Yeah. So I have more things on my list to discuss. The vice breakers? No, I have more things on, I have more titles on my list for today's subjects than I have friends in my life that I would consider what I just told you. And you're one of them. You too. Me too, you too.

Let's see. Actually, now I'm thinking. That was good. That was a good bitch. That was really good. I think people will like it. Not everyone. Well, the people,

what is it? And Lamont has a... You tighten that pony. You tighten that pony. You're like, whatever. Let them. And Lamont has some quote that's like, if they wanted to be remembered and written about fondly, they could have acted better. And that's how I feel.

So I, um, if we ever make it big in the podcast world and we go on, when we go on tour, I want that to be our introduction of you saying, I think people will like that. And then the dramatic cause of me saying, not everyone. And then they introduce us and we come out. I love that. I also want to meet you and Tyler in Vermont. I know. We need to. He was like laughing at my thing that I shared yesterday,

where it's like the little like stuffed monkey or whatever. And it's like when you're watching the serial killer documentary and they're like, they spend a lot of their time. Like, no, I don't want. And he was like, wait, I'm married to that too. like laughed at it and I was like I'm dead and by that I mean if there's ever a serial like I'm like literally dead if there's ever a serial killer around Tyler I'm dead you will have to take over you'll have to read a lot more bucks and take over my spot on the podcast oh my gosh

that would be funny though because right now I'm reading a crime fiction book but I'm also reading a hockey smut book Oh my gosh, I was telling him about that. We were, like, loving it. Oh, my. The idea that it exists. And we love a good pun. Fuck boy.

Also, I got your DM while we were on that, like, really serious meeting with those boring people we work with. And so, like, I saw it and, like, smirked. And then, like, we got off the call, and Tyler's like, so who said you stuff to go on Instagram that makes you smirk? And I was, like, gare. Yeah, I like, so, yeah. And James is like killing it with, there's the Huck boy series and then there's,

there's a frat one that I really love. And then there's like the divorced men club, which is like almost like a bi-awakening, which I'm like super into because, yeah. By-awakening meaning. Like men who are- The men realize they like men after they're divorced from women. Like they divorce a woman and then like they like move in with things.

know which way it went. They move in with their, like, best friend who's, like, gay and then, like, you know, like a couple, like, shots of tequila. And he's like, well, I always, I always wondered what it was like. I wondered if it would work. Yeah. So if you're a new baby gay out there and a man ever tells you, like, you know, I always wondered what it'd be like with a guy.

Like, you're going to get laid. Yeah. That's like the most, like, that's how it all starts. Hey, guys. I hope you enjoyed part one of this episode. If you did, make sure that you come back on. Thursday for part two. And don't forget to stay out to date with everything that we're reading and talking about on our Instagrams at Gare Indeed Reads and at The Girl with the book on

the couch. Links are also in the show notes. So make sure you follow.