Bookwild - Motherhood, Mystery, and Agency: Chital Mehta's Have You Seen Romit?

Episode Date: October 1, 2026

In this episode, I chat with Chital Mehta about her literary mystery Have You Seen Romit?Listen to hear all about:How motherhood, an MFA, and a lifelong love of reading led Chital to pursue her dream of becoming a novelist.The real-life missing-person article that inspired Have You Seen Romit? and why shifting the story's focus from a father to a mother changed everything.How adoption, sibling resentment, and parental expectations, create the complicated challenge of loving your children equally.How Usha's search for her missing son becomes a journey of self-discovery, challenging patriarchal traditions and finding agency later in life.The extensive research, discarded drafts, alternate endings, and character development that helped Chital turn a missing-person mystery into a deeply human family drama. All the Bookwild Links:Check Out the Bookwild SubstackSubscribe to Bookwild on YouTubeGet Bookwild MerchFollow @imbookwild on InstagramCheck Out Author Social Media Packages Follow Co-hosts On Instagram:Gare Billings @gareindeedreadsSteph Lauer @books.in.badgerlandHalley Sutton @halleysutton25Brian Watson @readingwithbrianMacKenzie Green @missusa2mbaErin Ashley @bellametaphor

In this episode, I talked with Chitaa about her debut fiction novel. Have you seen Romit? It is a fantastic family drama with a mystery. It's definitely a literary mystery as well. And here's like a short description when 25-year-old Romit, Oshah's adopted son doesn't respond to her calls. She has a sinking feeling in her stomach. The rest of her family is not concerned about his disappearance, which leads to to her basically running an investigation herself to find what happened to her son. But along the way, we learn about the really difficult family dynamics that have been going on between her husband and their adopted son, their biological children, and their adopted son. And it's also a journey of Ushah growing into her own agency. I really, really loved this book. It's actually a lot darker

than you expect it to be as well, and I had so much fun talking with her about it. So let's hear from Chita. I do always want to get to know a little bit about you first before we dive into it. So what was your journey to writing? Did you always want to write? Did you have a novel idea? And then you started writing, like, how did it all work for you? Wow. This is such an interesting question. And I feel like I can talk about it for a long time. But I'll start from, I think as a teenager, I remember reading books from my school library. That was probably my first exposure to reading itself. And I just felt like this exposed to this whole new different world. And I enjoyed reading a lot.

And when I came to college, but my biggest problem was I had really, I was struggling with access to books. Yeah. Because in India, in the city where I grew up, I grew up in India and we had no library, we had no bookstores. Right. So there was a point when my parents would tell me like, try to read slowly. Don't read it. Don't read fast. And that's the most painful thing you can tell to a reader.

Yes. Because I would read books in a whole day in like three hours, four hours. And they just didn't know from where they could get more books. And, you know, for work, I moved to a larger city and then I was able to. access libraries. Still, you know, that wasn't the point when I could actually buy books, you know. That came really later on when I was able to make more money and then splurge. It's an expense.

And I think it was around that time when I started writing just as journal. You know, I started writing a lot. And I even told my parents that I think I want to become a writer. And yeah, they had no idea what I was talking about. They were like, what do you even know about being a writer? Right. We didn't know where to start. We had no writing courses in India.

Yeah. And so I just did what everybody else were doing. My friends, they were taking up computers. So I was like, okay, then let's let me crush the dream and do what everybody else is doing. Yeah. And I did that and I was very unhappy, you know, for, I did that for six years. But now I'm glad I did that because, you know, sometimes it's like the road not taken. You have to know what you did not take.

Yes. I'm glad I took that and I knew that it wasn't for me. Yeah. And then I think the birth of my son and I've heard a lot of mothers telling this, motherhood brings an identity crisis inside of you because time becomes precious. Everything you do becomes precious. It's just you're not just drifting anymore. Right.

It kind of stops. So I think after the birth of my son, I went into depression, which now I see is pretty, common, a lot of mothers are talking about it, but at that point, I felt like I was the only one dealing with this. And I decided, okay, I just have to give my dreams another chance. I cannot, I just cannot, you know, put this away anymore. Right. And I told my husband that I wanted to do an MFA. By then, I was in the U.S., you know. Okay. And people were talking about MFA, which was unheard of in India, and I still don't know if they have an MFA course over there. Right. And he said, all right, let's do it then.

So it was a big turning point, I would say, because I got into the habit of reading and writing just because of the MFA. Yeah. And I began this book as a part of my thesis. Yeah, during my MFA. But that did not, you know, that did nothing for the book. I mean, I just got the basic bones of the story.

Okay, yeah. If people think that they can have a book out when they finish MFA, I feel that's a completely wrong notion. Yeah. The real learning begins after you finish your MFAIP. Yeah, and you start writing like yourself, yeah. Or like completely for yourself, yeah. Yes, for myself.

And there was the mix of pandemic, motherhood. I was, I had another child by then. So I was deep into that. And of course, this book was, you know, just this was my life, the manuscript, my kids. And we just, I did, you know, I felt like I was raising my kids and my character was raising her kids on the page. Yes. we were just, I was alternating between these two different worlds.

Yeah. That, wow. That is fascinating because it is. It's very much, it's like a family drama. It's almost like a family even coming of age a little bit together. So that is, that's so fascinating that you were doing it at that same time. And that you were, it's so easy to believe like it's not worth writing because it is, It is hard to make money from it.

You're probably going to have to fit it in and these other little moments of your life. So I think that's amazing that you're like, no, I think I still want to do this. And you did it. What was the inspiration for this story specifically? I know you kind of mentioned motherhood. Was that kind of what was your initial spark for it? So I think this was around 2018. I came across a newspaper article, which, you know, spoke about a missing person in India.

And it is a regular article. You know, you read about missing people all the time. And there's nothing, there was nothing extraordinary about it. But I took that story and I just put, you know, I think in real life they probably did not find that person still. Right. And I just thought that what if the family went looking for him? And then I became more specific. The question began from there.

And in the initial drafts, I had the father go look for the son. and then I began to question my choices because writing is all about making micro decisions for each character and then I had no I had no answer for why the father would go and then I was like what would happen if the mother went

looking for the son and that's when Usha appeared and we just had this instant connection I feel like in my head Usha is a real person same I've spent so much time with her all these years and even when

there were many times when I wanted to give up and I just had to talk with her. I just had to reach for her through the pages and she would somehow lead the way. I love that because the other thing that I have been telling people about this book, I'm like, one, it's darker than you kind of expect. Like there is, there's some heavy stuff happening like life. But the other thing is I kind of love that Usha's story is like kind of like a coming of agency. like she really steps into her own power so like the idea that you are kind of like even talking with her to finish your stories adds to the magic of the story for me but that's so fascinating

that you kind of thought it was going to be the father going and I think this is a I think that might be what more of us would think would happen and you use it to really talk about like gender roles and what is like expected of her and it's so it's it's there's more tension about the fact that she goes and does it instead of him so what was it like exploring that relationship dynamic and her kind of finding her agency as a woman yes so the the first choice which was putting the father in the scene that came from my own upbringing from my own exposure to the culture where i've seen men taking the lead men you know making the most biggest decisions. Nobody's questioning them if it's right or wrong. We just know that men are going

to do the difficult work. And women are generally okay with that. And I wanted to see, you know, and I've seen women who have a lot of potential, especially, you know, I've grown around women who are really strong inside their own boundaries, you know, but they're not stepping outside. And I wanted to put this woman, I want to see, and Ushah's a culmination of all these women that I have met in my life. And I wanted to put her in a place where, she's going to be uncomfortable. It's going to be difficult. She doesn't want to do it.

She's very comfortable in her own space. All she wants is her family to stay happy and she's fine with the man of the house making the decisions. But I wanted to put her in a spot where it's going to be difficult. And there were times she surprised me. You know, even I was like,

why do you really want to do this? You know, you can just shut up and stay in the house and let other people do the work. Right. But, you know, I think it was like, I want to push her into this forest. things and then of course you know no surprise in the reader no surprise in the reader it became that kind of a moment usha began to surprise me in her own different ways yeah it became like for me it became

a discovery writing and because i'm not a outliner i don't outline my stories yeah it was and which is of course also difficult in in the way of writing yeah but i allowed the story to surprise me and there were moments when i was crying when i woke up surprised i feel like there were moments There were days when I would wake up and I would be so excited to meet Usha on the page but on the outside my life is so ordinary I'm cooking, I'm telling by to my kids it's such a normal day

and inside my head there's this exciting story which was so frustrating that I cannot tell other people I have this amazing story but I cannot tell you about it I have to write, I have to revise and I have to take it to a place where it becomes readable Yes so that was but looking back I feel like I just had fun with the story

Yeah, it's surprising more writers that I talk to you do not outline. And all of them are like, oh, but it makes it worse. And I'm like, yeah, but all of you are like finishing books. Like, clearly there's just a preference and you can do it. However, it works the best for you. Did you know, did you know what was going to, did you know what happened to RoMe as you were writing it or is that something without spoilers that you've discovered as you wrote. That was a very tough decision to make as a writer. And I feel like, you know, most writers get stuck in the middle. Yeah. I did get stuck in the middle, but the climax, I struggled a lot with the climax itself. I came up with three different endings, which meant like writing the story from midway to, you know, taking into a

wholly different direction. There was a climax in which I have Usha Gold. missing for some reason, you know, as she went looking for Romy. And then, of course, that's when beta readers stepped in. I sent the minister to my friends and they said, this doesn't work at all. This absolutely doesn't work. And I was more focused on ending the book with a banger. I wanted to be loud. And I listened to this other podcast called 7 a.m. novelist where Michelle, she suggested that your endings do not have to be loud. It can be quiet. Yeah. And that, just resonated with me because until then I started I was more focused at introducing new scenes which were not serving the story in any way but I did experiment all endings as much as possible

I did not want to come at a point where I did not give the story the best chance yeah I explored everything I even wrote the whole story in first person point of view in ocean's point of view and I threw all those pages away but no but what it did was it helped me get inside Usha's head in an intimate way. I was very deep into her. And, you know, they say I spent a lot of time studying her, like, what makes her angry, what does she eat for breakfast, what kind of clothes she likes, you know, all these little details.

And most of it doesn't make it a story. Right. But it was the driving force for me to, you know, work on the story itself. Yeah. For me to understand her inside out. And she became three-dimensional inside my own. head. Yeah. And I would go for walks. I am somebody who goes for walks to clear my head. Yeah. And while I was drafting this book, I felt like I was never alone. Ushah was always in my head.

We were walking inside the forest together. We were inside that house together. Yeah. So I was living this alternate life all the time. One with Ushah and one in my own real life. Oh, that was so cool. I love that. Um, so that brings up a couple interesting things to me. They're all of the things hitting my head right now. It's kind of so Usha kind of is a main character, but you do write third person from lots of POVs from the family. And I think as a reader, I was like, oh, this is really interesting because it is

like a family drama or a family suspense in that. you're getting to see that like maybe not everyone's stories line up completely the same in their minds but that helps you understand the family dynamic even more so what was it like deciding like going from first person to then having this very like it's technically an ensemble cast but it is mostly usha's journey but not totally so like what was it like building it into that ensemble cast Yes. Now the chapters that I have from the father's perspective or the daughters and the sons, they all do still talk about Usha. And I wanted the reader to understand their relationship with Usha. And I didn't want it to come from Usha itself, you know. Yeah. And the son, the older son,

he has his own perspective about his mother, which he kind of breaks. In the middle of the story, he changes. But he has seen her, he's seen her from his own childhood. And he's seen her. And he's He's never seen her go against the father or break any rules. And he loves that image of his mother. And I think that applies to my own personal opinion. You know, when I have, my mom is somebody who kind of breaks the rules. Most of the times she's somebody who breaks the rules. And I've always wondered, like, why was she doing this?

Yeah. Why can't she be like an ordinary person? She, and part of this, you know, part of that is what I put into Usha's character. because the oldest in Ashmit is really struggling to understand her choices. Like, why can't she just stay put with everything else and what is going on in the family? Why should that she wants to go and find this missing son who, you know, who has gone outside by his own choices? Yes.

He has to face his consequences. And so I just put my mom into that situation too. Like, what would she do if one of us went missing? And, you know, the answer is pretty easy. She would go looking for us. Yeah. But I kind of made it difficult for OSHA. Yeah.

You know, she's, she's not educated. She's, she doesn't know anything about the internet. Right. There are many things against her. And yet she needs, she wants to find the answers and she's going to go to any extent. Yes. She is. Um, first of all, am I pronouncing Romeat correctly?

Is it Romet? Yes. Thank you. Thank you. Okay. So the other thing about it is Romet, it's kind of also a main character. So now like Usha definitely is, but I'm always fascinated by books. There's a book called Good People by Pat Mena Sabit that does the same thing where someone has gone missing and you're getting lots of

information, but you're never with that character. So like in some ways the missing person in like this book or the one I just mentioned and your book, he's even in the title. We don't even, we're not hearing about him from him. So was that, did you, was that always kind of the way that you wanted to have it? No. Okay. So there was a draft in 2019 where I begin the story with the Romit and his name was something else in the earlier drafts.

I begin the story with him because I thought this is a missing person story and he needs the spotlight right from page one. And that was also the time when I was attending workshops and not to get published, but just to get feedback. I had a couple of agents look over, and they said, you need to decide who the story belongs to. They looked at my query letter. It was full of Romit, you know,

the Ushah was just the side character or somebody who comes in the later part. Okay. And when they asked me those questions, I found it really hard to even accept them, because by then I had a draft ready, and I just wanted to revise it and get it outside. But those questions forced me to, you know, question my decisions.

and I had to rewrite the whole thing. 70,000 words, I set them aside and I started from the first line again. And that's when Usha became the main character of the story. And like you said, Romit is still a main character. He's the catalyst for the story, I would say. Right. You know, you don't get to see him until the end. He's always there in the story right from the beginning.

It's about him, but it's mostly about Usha's journey of how she's going to change from what she is before. Yeah. And the other part about Romit that we discover is he is adopted. And that causes all kinds of ripple effects. I'm like deciding which ones to not talk about. But I think for Usha, like we get the feeling that like truly she was like, this is, this is, this was almost supposed to be one of my children, even from the get-go with him. which is so powerful. And I think there are a lot of mothers who've adopted children who like very much feel that way.

However, even with like good intentions, it does affect a family, especially when like there are biological children there already. And then maybe when tragedy brings an adopted child into a family, then maybe that child's getting more attention just by the nature of what they've been through. or whatever, lots of different things. And so when we get perspectives from his adopted siblings, her biological children, we really learn, even without her trying to be malicious, the way that it affected how they had a relationship with her and the whole family.

So what was it like writing about, like blended families in that sense? I don't have any direct experience with, as adoption, but I've always been intrigued by people who adopt children, especially when they have biological children. And on the outside, they make it seem easy, but I have also heard of stories where, you know, that is tension. Right. And it's my personal opinion that when you're going to bring a child into your family,

especially when you have biological children, there is bound to be tension. And I think it's because I have two children of my own. And if I were to start loving another kid, there was. be tension. But yeah, and like any mother, I would do my best to, you know, tell my children that I love them and they always are my number one. And still, there would be, you know, tension or dynamics between our own complications. And I want to explore that side, you know, what happens when this woman, and she has good intentions. Her intentions just give this child another, you know, a good life. But in doing so, she's also damaging relationship with her own children.

But, you know, she never breaks away her stance. She always maintains until the end that she loves them equally. And I think that's what I wanted to explore. Even when a mother says that she loves her children equally, does it really come across that way? And my own children, they are just 11 and 7. They still think that I don't love them equally. Oh, no.

And, you know, I do my best. I always try to make it up to them. But you just cannot measure it, right? This is one of the things that you, it's not like a cake. You can divide and just give it. Right. There are always times when one of my children are going to come up and tell that you love her more than me. And I just don't have one answer to that.

I just want to, you know, and I'm just telling myself that they're going to grow up and they're going to figure it out that. Right. I did the best I could for them. Yeah, totally. Yeah, it's just anything, any addition to a family, like even technically having another biological child causes tension in a family. So it really is just any change in a family. structure is really going to be felt because it's like that's your whole world, especially as a kid and when you're growing up. So, Ushah, there's a lot of things going on. And I thought it was

very fascinating. We, I mean, the titles have you seen Roman? So it's not a spoiler to say, we're trying to figure out of anything like overtly bad happened to him. Like, what happened? And the father, Om, he has always had a decent. amount of animosity toward him. He doesn't totally love that they adopted him. He definitely thinks that as the man of the house, he should get to kind of like decide everything and treat everyone however he wants to. And it was the tension there was so interesting because there are some things that he does

that are like, I'm trying not to like do anything. Spoilery, but like he does some things that aren't. Great. And I think you feel, you feel the tension as you're reading where you're like, is it just that he's grown up in a patriarchal society and he feels like this is his role? Or did he do something? So like, how are you balancing the tension of all of those questions amidst what really is like an intimate family portrait? Yeah. Om, he's very different from my father though. My father's like somebody, who's like going with the flow and he's happy to, you know,

let the movement make decisions. Yeah. So I had to build a home from other characters that I've come across. Yeah. And Ome is somebody who has, you know, he grew up in a family with so many other siblings. He's always followed the rules. And I think in those days, you wanted kids not to bring trouble. You know, parents are most happy when you don't bring trouble at all.

Yep. And that's what he expects from his own children. he doesn't want anything unhappy. He wants them to follow the rules that he puts across. And if anybody breaks them, it just makes him up. You know, he's upset. He doesn't like it anymore. And then he, and Roman is somebody who just wants to, you know, push on his buttons.

So Ome is always looking for a chance. And part of this comes from the family dynamics that I have witnessed watching, you know, when there's a husband, you know, when there's a mother, father and a child, there's always tension between the father and mother because of what, child does and they want the best for the child but then they end up arguing because you know you have two different parenting methods yeah the mother wants to parent in a one way and the father wants to parent in a different way and how those two you know those two parts collide that's what I wanted to explore and of course I was just I was you know I made om a little difficult because I wanted to

see how was Usha who does not want to displease him she doesn't want to hurt him because she knows that by doing so, she's breaking the structure of her own family. But I want, I pushed her to that extent. I wanted to see what she's going to do if this man is going to stand in her way all the time. Because there's a point when she leaves the house and he still manages to track her down. Yeah. So I kind of made it more difficult for Usha because of her own dynamics with her husband. And she somehow has to find, you know, she finds herself doing things she doesn't want to do it.

Right. Yeah. Like going on this like really intense hike because she's just wondering if that might be where he is. Yeah, that's in the synopsis. I'm trying so hard to not talk about spoilers. So there are a lot of different hero's journeys that like exist or heroines journeys that exist where there's kind of like a nature related assent or like. Like, that's a big part of the journey of them overcoming internally by going on like a really trying external expedition. Was that or what made you want to place her search in that kind of setting? I love this question because I'm a big fan of hiking, except that I've never had a chance to go on a hike because of kids. Hopefully someday I get to go on a really long hike at least a couple of. of days. It's like my dream. So when I started writing the story, I think the, I, it came

pretty instantly just having Usha in the forest. And I tried to push that thought away for a long time because I said, I probably have no experience in hiking. I'm not the right person to write this. And I tried to put her in different situations, you know, maybe not the forest. I thought maybe she would just go to the city and look for him or go to a different country. And I came up with many, many possibilities. And for some reason, sometimes the first choice, you know, sticks with you and it feels right. And I came back to the setting of the forest.

And I spoke with other people with beta readers, like, I just don't feel experienced enough to write this. And because in my head, I told myself that I can only write about hiking if I have done this. If I know what it takes to live in the forest for 10 days, I'm not the right person to do this. And then I heard interviews of other writers who have written. of settings where they have never been to.

But that's when, you know, you start doing research. Yeah. And my brother has, my both brothers have been to numerous hikes. So I started interviewing them. And even if I was to take a short hike in the U.S., you know, like maybe for a couple of us, I would just put myself in that position. What would happen if my child went missing in this place? Right.

What are my feelings? And I would just write them down. And, you know, and I use those feelings, you know, in the, you know, the book itself. Yeah. So that's that's a lot of research. I started reading a lot of cold cases about missing people who go missing in state parks. Yeah. And that really helped me a lot. That was a lot of super helpful information out there about what happens, well, how it feels when you have a loved one go missing inside this deep in, you know, jungle or forest. Yeah. And how difficult it is to actually find a person and was finding a person on land.

Right. Yeah. And the other thing I really enjoyed, again, there is like a large cast in Vajaya is who like helps her on the hike. And she has had her own recent trauma that for like different reasons she's able to kind of work through and somewhat heal from as well on that journey that she goes on with Hoosha. what like I I loved that truly every character actually did change and every character like did have a character arc even if it's not like like 180 of their character or anything so did you always know like you wanted her to have that like journey as well which didn't exist for a long time in my draft actually there were two youngsters who appeared out of nowhere Okay. Two 20 year olds, you know, and I put Usha with them. And for a long time, I left it that way.

I did not change anything. And I'm somebody who questions my choices. I have this, I go through my manuscript and I start commenting on each sentence. Like, why do you think this sentence belongs here? And I challenge myself to think about why I'm making these choices. You know, and each character has to serve the story. Otherwise, they don't belong there at all. Right.

And when I started questioning my choices, I just felt those characters were very thin. They did not add up to the story. I could not see Usha spending time with them in this quest. Although they go to the forest. She goes to the forest with these two young men. And that's how the story starts. You know, the first, I think for at least 10 or 15 drafts, they were there.

And suddenly I was like, I just don't want these two people here. What happens if I have somebody like Vijaya come in? Yeah. And then I thought I saw a connection between Usha. and Vijaya. There was also a point when Wichia takes the lead and then another beta reader commented that do you want Wigia to own the second

up of the story? And I said no. Yeah. This is Ushah's story. It has to be her all the time. Although Wigia is supporting her and it, you know, she kind of changes the story in many ways. It is always Usha's journey. She's the one who's going to make decisions here. So I want to, I enjoy exploring

Vijay as well in that, you know, in that aspect. And she's somebody who has access to resources, who has experience in trekking, who is able to, you know, help Usha in a way, you know, Usha needs that help if she has to be on this journey. She cannot do this by herself. She's not, she cannot learn this overnight. Her body is not equipped for this. She has no idea what it takes to be outside, out there in the wild. Yeah.

Yeah, I am not an outdoor girly. So I was like, I was like, this would literally be, I mean, I would do it if I had a kid, but for my kid. But I was like, oh, I would not survive this. And like, I'm younger than her. So all the props to her. The other thing I kind of noticed is like there is like some tension where like to Usha, it's almost as if like she didn't adopt him. Like it almost, that's just like not in her mind. She's almost kind of even forgotten in some ways that that's what it is. But Romit will never be able to just like forget that.

It's always going to be very obvious to him in his existence, but also the things we learn about with like his interactions with his siblings as well. like it's never going to completely go away for him. And it's another one of those moments where like it does feel very noble and loving and nurturing from her. But like the tension still exists outside of her. So what was it like exploring that part of it as well? Yeah. One of the things that I ask often myself and you know, when I do a lot of things for my children,

I'm doing my best to protect them from any harm. I always come to this realization that there are always, you know, there are going to be secrets of them that I'll know, they'll never know. There are parts of them I'll never be, I'll never access. And I probably won't be able to protect them from everything. That's just the truth. And it's really painful for a parent to know that. And, you know, my son just started middle school and he's probably not telling me a lot of things.

And I try my best to break him. And then I asked myself that maybe I should just let it be. Yeah. There are things that he doesn't want to tell and it's okay. Me and my husband had a chat the other day that we just have to be okay with it. We are going to support him for whatever it is. And, you know, these secrets are just really small secrets. Probably mean nothing.

But as a parent, I want to know everything about him. I know. And now I'm coming to the point where I'll not have access to those. Yes. So I kind of explored that. Usha, as a mother, she's going to do everything for this child. She wants to love him. and she wants to make him a part of her family.

From her perspective, she's this amazing mother and everybody wants. But Romance, he has his own, you know, he has his own trauma. He's having nightmares. He's lost his family. It's not something that he can just push away and accept. He's definitely appreciative of Usha's love.

And he's happy that he's here. He has this special bond with her. Yeah. But he's also battling his own emotions, his nightmares. And I didn't want to. sideline that just because Usha loves him. That doesn't mean that everything in his life is going to go away. He has he's going to have his own set of challenges. He has to overcome them by himself. And he has,

you do touch on some like you're mentioning, he definitely has trauma and nightmares as well. But he also has some mental health struggles as well. Did was that always there with his character as well? Because I think sometimes we forget too that just like another kind of duality like you bring someone in your family you do love them it also doesn't mean there's not going to be like tricky stuff to work with and then mental health is really difficult as well so is that kind of always there with his character it wasn't it wasn't it just came so in January of 2025 and this was when I was in the thick of

querying I had a couple of agents right back to me and they said you know they gave super feedback gave really good feedback. Yeah. They eventually passed on the Manistre, but the feedback stayed with me. And I took that feedback and I started making some changes towards the end. And I didn't want to end it in a way where I, you know, the reader of feeds like, okay, Oshah solved all the problems. She saved the day.

Right. Which she does. She solves a part of the problem. But there is still something that she cannot. Or maybe she'll find a way in, you know, in the future. But there are always going to be problems that she cannot solve. She did this one. So I took that feedback from the agent

and I started revising. I did probably in, and this was when I thought the book was done. I don't need to make any more changes. And I was deep into revision in January of 2025. And that's when I felt like the manuscript went to a different level. Oh, okay. So I'm super grateful that agents took the time to give feedback

because there were parts of the story that I couldn't see in my own eyes. And by then, I had read the story at least like 50 times. And as a reader, you are tired of your own story. You're not able to see what's working and what's not working. Yeah. It's super helpful from somebody who's working on the business side who's able to give you this feedback. Yeah. Because you can never read, you'll never be able to read your book with fresh eyes.

Like even from the first drafts. Like you're always going to have, like, you're going to know like the intentions and like what you were like setting up here. So yeah, you always have to have that external, whether it's like friends or beta readers or agents. Yes, that's when distance also helps. Like, you know, I kind of step away from the book for at least a couple of months, which is really frustrating because you want to finish the book and get it out. And that was a painful realization for me. But each passing summer, I was growing frustrated.

Like, when is this? Right. Finishing. But I had to do, I had to give it as long as. it took. You know, there were a couple of months when I would step away and just write something else, write a short story or work on another project, get that book completely out of my head. And then, you know, when you sit, when you come back to the manuscript, you're looking at it with your different perspective and you're able to see it a new light. But again, having beta readers

look at the manuscript is super helpful. Yeah. Because I was at a point where I was like, I have no idea what to do with the story. I've done, I've done all this and I just didn't know if it was working or if it was not working at all. Right. And just talking with these people helped me a lot. They were able to question my choices. Like, you know, we want to see Usha doing this. We would love to see Usha doing that. And of course, I did not take every single piece of feedback.

Right. I am somebody who sits with feedback for a week or two. Sometimes I'm really angry with feedback as well. When I'm attached to a scene or a character and somebody tells, we don't want to see this. This is not working. It's really painful. almost you have to kill your darlings right you just have to cut down words if they don't serve the story yeah yeah that is good though like that you're able to sit with it and not not think you have to

do every single change but then kind of like feel out which ones feel right to you as well or feel like something that would fit with the story um the other thing with Usha is like it does it starts with like some really small rebellions, especially against like what is considered respectable for her socially or how the family will be interpreted based off of her actions. And then obviously it leads up to her really finding her own agency. So was it always kind of like a gradual thing while you were writing her? Yes, yes.

I definitely wanted to be gradual because she's not somebody who, takes decision on a whim. She's somebody who thinks, you know, she's very cautious and she knows the consequences of her actions. So just, you know, having her, she leaves the house, you know, in the middle of the story to find her son. And if I had her do that in the beginning, I think it wouldn't suit her personality at all. She's not somebody. She definitely gives her husband the chance. She tells him that I trust you to bring our son back home and she's going to wait, which was very difficult. She wanted to do so much

and yet she stays back home. She waits for him and then when she realizes that, you know, that Oam is not going to do what she wants him to do. And she decides that she has to take agency.

She has to make the decisions. And it's definitely, it wasn't easy at all for her. She doesn't want to break the rules. She wants, you know, and she cares a lot about what the society thinks

about her family, more than her. She never wants anybody to think bad about her husband. And I think it reaches a point where she realizes that none of her family members are caring for Romath. Right. He's going to look for her. And when that realization hits her, and there's also age factor, she is 56. Yeah. She's not, she, she doesn't have more time to sit and wait and on to see if Romit is going to turn up or not. Right. You know, that you, that kind of fear comes as you age. So that plays a role, that that plays an urgent role in her case where she feels

like, you know, I'm healthy right now. I can still go outside and look for him. If I'm going to wait for a few million years, I don't know what's going to happen to me. Yeah. This is it. I have to go right now. Yes. Yeah, the rest of the family is kind of like, well, the police will try to figure it out.

And they're like, we have to keep living our lives, which is also a very fair. It's not inherently bad that that is what they think. And it was making me think of like how many people, how many cold cases there are across the world. There are a lot of families that do have to come to like a decision of like, am I just going to accept that I don't know what happened, that I'm not going to know what happened, that I might not see him anymore. And so like their reaction isn't totally bad. Like, yeah, you eventually kind of do have to move on with your life. I wouldn't be very good at it myself.

But it's not a totally bad interpretation from them. But like the other thing that I think is still so valuable and interesting about having all of the different POVs is it's like we still at least find like an area where we can understand where like especially like Ashmit and Pari are coming from. Um, but Ashman especially, he really struggled it possibly because it was another brother and they're like the same gender. He really struggled with when he, when Romit came into the family. And there's some like pretty nasty bullying that he also did as well. Um, but like in some ways you still like kept his humanity enough that we can kind of understand like, wow, I know like the difficulty of the situation he felt he was in. And he's a kid.

Like, so hard to make sense of the world then. So what was it like writing his character who like is pretty dark, but I feel like you still had some compassion for him. Yes. Yes. Like you said, you know, even the secondary characters, they might seem wrong to Usha, but they are right in their own way. And I really wanted to focus on that, whether it's Ome or Pari or Ashmit. They have their own reasons to why they want everybody to move on. And I stand by them, you know.

I think I stand by Ashmeet. And to I, I, to understand Ashmeet better, I started, I would write letters to him too. And I don't let us to all of the characters, you know, just to understand what they think about Usha and what is it, what are their concerns and what hurts them, what pains them. And in the initial drafts, Ashmit wasn't as compassionate as he turns out to be. Okay. And this is when I had him do some really nasty things as a kid. and even when he grows up he becomes just more nastier and I just felt like this did not serve the story

because he's unchanging in a way that I want him to and I want him to understand that as he grows up that it's hard for him to know why his mother's doing this but he knows that if his mother is going to bring back home and she's going to be happier and he's going to let her do that I have him understand this and even though this frustrates omashmit comes to terms with it and he's okay with his mom going on this quest.

So that's something because it gives him a piece of mind. He has also struggled with this trauma of what he did as a kid. And nobody likes this. You know, as a kid, if you bullied somebody, when you grow up, it's not something, it's not, you fondly remember, you know. It makes you feel bad. So I wanted Ashmit to reflect on his own, you know, self-consciousness to see, to understand why his mother is doing this.

And he doesn't love his brother, but he's, He understands why she has to do this with him. Right. Yes. And then with Pari, their relationship, their mother-daughter relationship changes by the end as well, even though it wasn't super contentious at the beginning either. But what was it like getting to kind of write their interactions? And then there is still some change in that by the end too.

Yeah. Pari's wedding plays a big role in the story. It's her wedding that changes everything. and brings urgency to the story because nobody wants to have a lot of wedding when somebody's gone missing. Yes. But they do.

But they do. They move on and, you know, they understand why she has to get married. Yeah. It's her time to get married. And you can only wait for somebody as long, you know? You cannot wait your whole life. And Usha is somebody who doesn't want to talk about it.

She wants to focus on finding him. She's right in her own way. But Ashmit and Om and Pari are also right in their own way. They still go ahead with the wedding. and I think Pani fights her own emotions. She loves her brother. She's somebody who actually likes Romit. And I was actually surprised when she said yes to the wedding.

Because when I was writing her, I was like, okay, you love Romit. You're not like Ashmit. Your feelings are different with Romit. And, you know, she has this really special moments with Romit where she has a really low face in her life and he helps her in one scene. So I actually thought that she's not going to say yes to the wedding. But I kind of flip the story. And when she says, yes, I'm going to marry this person, it kind of surprises Usha as well.

Usha almost wants her to, you know, you're the one who can stop this wedding. Forget what your dad says. Forget what your brother says. Right. If you say, no, we can actually move on to something else. Right. And she decides, well, no, I'm going to stand up for my life at this point. Because she's not somebody, she's seen her mother.

and her father focusing on Romit, because Romath, as a kid, he was always challenging, and you put your all attention to the kid that shouts, and shouts the screams. Yes. And Puddy as a kid is the quiet one. And she's seen that. And she just feels like, well, now's my chance.

And I'm going to take my own decision. Yeah. Whether it's right or wrong, I'm just going to marry this person. She's going to, and she feels like, it's okay. Romit might just understand when he comes back. Although she feels guilty towards the end, the kid just gets to her. because she sees that her mother was right.

And she knows what her mother has been through. She does feel that guilt. Yeah, yeah. And I think the other thing that's interesting with her character, too, is like it's not like she's madly in love with this guy either. There are other things that are attracting him, attracting her to him. And some of it is like,

some of it is that she like has the ambitions and like wants to create something. herself and he's kind of he's going to be able to provide that for her and I think it's especially especially in America we know that people marry for all kinds of reasons but we like to pretend like we don't and that it's like only for being madly in love with someone so is that kind of important for you to write in too or was it just like you were like oh this is this is what's happening with her yeah and I think it's because of the family dynamic makes itself. And from her perspective, although she's being loved from the family, you know, it's very, she's the youngest child in the family and everybody showers love on her. Everybody

wants to give attention. And still, nobody knows what she truly wants. She has ambitions. She wants money for that. And it's, there are some scenes where her, her own wishes become sideline because she does, she's not somebody who's going to scream or fight. She's going to tell it once and she wants people to listen to her. And that doesn't happen. And of course, this might make Usha seem bad in some way because she wasn't able to, you know, she has her own reasons,

but she wasn't able to pay attention to what Pari truly wanted. Yeah. And I think that a lot of parents do that, you know. Yeah. You cannot give, you cannot, you're not always listening to your child. Right. There are parts that you, you are bound to make mistakes. Yes.

So I think it was a culmination of everything. Usha doesn't want to really. say yes to this person, but somehow he becomes a perfect chance for her. Like, you know, he's able to provide the resources for what she wants to be. Right. She can move out of the city. She doesn't want to be this city. And mainly she can get out of the family and make her own life.

Yes. And when all that, you know, she kind of weighs her choices. Either she said she could say no to this wedding and just focus on finding her brother or she could say yes and start her own life. And she, you know, and I think this talks a little about your own. everybody at one point starts thinking about themselves. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Pari is young.

She's young. She's in her 20s. But, you know, she definitely wants to think about her future. Mm-hmm. And from Usha's perspective, it's different. Yeah. She's 56. She just wants to bring her son back home.

Right. But from Pari's age, her perspective is different. So I was just trying to explore this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you're not, like, a lot of people forget that, like, matter what, especially in cases of like survival or like pivotal moments in your life where

you feel like you're ready to do something. It's, we are inherently selfish in that sense that like we will never escape the fact that because we like live in our own bodies, outside of maybe being a parent, you're, you're thinking about yourself like in every moment. And there's like, you can still be like considerate of other people. And that can be. And that can be. And that can be. a great trait but like we're all living in our own bodies and like if something feels dangerous or if something feels safe like are we're going to react that way because we can't just always be so selfless and like outside of ourselves um and yeah like it kind of back to what I was saying with cold cases like tons of people do eventually have to go on with their lives so yes it does that is

what has to happen um but like another reason that the family is kind of of like, don't worry about it is like he's disappeared before. He's he's a little bit just flightier as a person than probably everyone else than the family. And he he does love like going on hikes or at least on walks. So they're all kind of like, eh, this might just be one of those things. Was that kind of there from the start that it was going to be like a wandering soul who went missing. Yes, yes. I really wanted Romit to be that kind in the story and that stayed the same right from the start. He's somebody who just wants to, you know, get outside and see the world. Yeah. He wants to do his own thing. He doesn't want to stick to this routine where somebody wants

him to do computers or join a business. He wants to make his own path. But of course, you know, it doesn't bring money, which is really frustrating. You know, his father or brother, they want him to see making money. Yeah. And, you know, this shows how other people look at you. When you bring money, people are going to think, yes, you're doing something valuable. Yes. And when you're working on art or any kind, although you are happy, it probably brings you

immense satisfaction. Other people are not thinking it that way. Right. But, and, you know, again, from Usha's perspective, she probably has no idea why Romit is like this. And she still tells, there's a scene where she tells, Ome, that we don't know why he's making the choices, why he wants to do this. But we still have to support him.

As a parent, she, you know, it's really hard for her that Romit wants to become a writer or he wants to work on a story. Yeah. She doesn't know that whole journey. She doesn't know what it takes, but she wants to support him. She knowing that nothing might come more often, she wants to do her best. Yeah. Yeah. You really feel that a lot.

Was there, it sounds like Usha surprised you multiple times. was there anything that like surprise you like the most while you were writing all of the characters? I particularly remember this was in summer of 2020. I was struggling with the draft. I think this was the lowest point, I think, apart from the rejections. Just finishing the book, I remember I was just struggling. I had no idea what it over the book. I was just angry at Usha for even coming into my life.

I was angry for even spending so many years with the story. And I started questioning, you know, maybe I should do a full-time job. You start putting the writer thing away. And that's when I started. I came across this book called The Artist's Way where Julia Cameron, she talks about morning pages. You wake up in the morning. You write three pages. And that's it.

You could write shit or you could write whatever. And something made. or want to come out of it so i just put the draft aside and i would pick i would keep a notebook next to my kids bed and they would be sleeping i would wake up at 5 a m i would put on a bedside lamb i just started writing about usha that's it there was nothing it was completely away from the story i just tried to write her as a person to know her better and you know there were days when i would just write like i'm so bored i don't know what to do this was practically what i wrote my aim was just to fill three pages of garbage.

Right. I was not working towards a book or working towards a story or anything. And I think it kind of helped my writing muscle get into shame. And I was surprised by what happened because I was able to find my way back into the story. Okay. And I just think that the morning pages, doing the morning pages really helped me find my way back into the story. And the other surprising part was when Usha goes to the forest. and there's a point where she kind of has this small accident.

Yeah. Kind of really near death experience. And she still comes on top. And then she starts laughing when there's rain falling over her. And I just was surprised by this woman. I was like, wow. In real life, I know I would go looking for my kid, but I don't know if I could do everything that Usha did.

Yeah. And there are days when I am struggling to parent my own small kids, you know, You know, when you're a parent, you have all these little challenges. And I just ask myself, what would Usha do if she was in my situation? Oh. So I feel like I'm still learning from her. Even though the book is going to be outside, O'Sha is still a part of me. And I'm just surprised how she found me.

I love what would Ushah do. That is so sweet. That just makes me so happy because I love spending time with her as a reader too. So I love that. we've kind of talked about it in many different ways but the story really just explores family and how complicated those relationships are even just by the nature of them being family and kind of all the gray areas where we end up loving people who are either chosen family or biological family. Is there anything that was a big takeaway for you writing about family that way?

Yes. I think as a kid, I don't think I paid much attention to family as such. I was a loner. I loved reading. And when I turned 18, I was like, I just want to go find my way outside in the world. Yeah. I don't care what my parents were doing or my siblings were doing. And it was only after I left India and I came to the U.S. And something about living in a different country changes your perspective, you know, on family because you're so far away from them. That is this distance. You cannot see when you want to see them. Yeah. And all that played a role in the story because my own experience with how family changes has shaped this story.

Yeah, that makes sense. Well, I really loved it. I think people who love, like, mystery and suspense. but also really love like a literary family drama. They need to go read it right now. And as of right now, people, as this is airing, people can go get their copy now. I also always ask at the end,

if there's anything you've read recently that you really loved or if there are books that you just always recommend. I just finished Alan Opsaw from Courtney Mom. Oh, okay. I highly recommend it. I love her books. Yeah. I also recommend.

if you're a writer, please read her newsletter. Oh, yeah. She is somebody who gives amazing writing advice. And I, and this is her recent book. She's done amazing work with it. I just totally loved it. Oh, that's perfect. Is there anywhere people can follow you to stay up to date with everyone?

Yes, I'm on Instagram at Cheetal Mehta and I'm on Substack, Cheetal Mehta. Those are the two places where people can easily find me and I have, I have my website as well, chitalmetatjjj.com. Perfect. And of course, I have my email address listed there, so people can write to me anytime. Yes, yeah. Well, I will add those links to the show notes for everyone, and

thank you so much for coming on and talking about it.