Boonta Vista - EPISODE 103: Big Prune

Episode Date: June 18, 2019

Andrew, Ben & Theo are in a Siberian gulag looking at the continuing saga of a certain hapless opinion columnist. We also take a look at what must surely be the last gasps of the time in spotlight for controversial serial fantasist and Friend Of The Show, Nelly Yoa. *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Merchandise available at: boontavista.com/merchandise *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista iTunes: tinyurl.com/y8d5aenm Spotify: spoti.fi/2DBCXGA Stitcher: www.stitcher.com/s?fid=144888&refid=stpr Pocket Casts: pca.st/SPZB RSS: tinyurl.com/kq84ddb

Welcome to Punta Vista episode 103. I'm Andrew and we are in a Siberian gulag. I gotta tell you it sucks. I only have one potato, uncooked, very tasteless and largely frozen. I'm here with my friend Ben. Hello Ben. You got a potato? Don't tell everybody and largely frozen. I'm here with my friend Ben. Hello Ben. You got a potato? Don't tell everybody about my potato. What did you do to get that potato? You don't want to know what I did to get that potato. We're giving a half an onion six weeks ago and

I've been eating it layer by layer. And I've got to tell you, I'm starting from the outside, so it's getting worse. I thought it would be worse at the very the very the very outside if you started with the skin. Well I mean I'm talking in in size size terms every single layer is getting smaller serve of course. I'm just gonna have that little bit at the in the middle that's you know kind of like even it's like a stem almost. Little sprouty bit. Yeah the little heart of the onion. The onion heart which which some people say is a delicacy, but, um, you know, when you're having a tiny portion of onion, that wants a fortnight to sustain you, honestly I'd take quantity over quality at this stage.

Huh. And, uh, over there in the corner, um, nibbling at a, at a moldy husk of bread like a big rat boy. It's our friend Theo. Hey, hello. How's your bread? It's nice. Ben, are you going to eat the onion root or? Maybe keep your eyes off. That's my onion root. Some of us wish we had a husk of bread. So, you know, it's all swings and roundabouts in here.

The craft is always greener, etc. etc. I mean you can... I'd give you some of my frozen mold if you like. You know what, I think... For a bit of onion, or... I've kind of made being the guy with a bit of onion my thing now. You know, people they'd see me around the gulag. Okay, it's onion man, I'm like, hey, there's Ben, the man, the man, the man, the man, the man, the man, the the the the the the the the the th, th, th, th, th, I's th, I's th, I's th, I'm th. thin, I'm thin, I'm tho, I'm tho, I's thin, I'm tho, I'm tho, I'm tho, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm tho, for. For. For. For. For. For, for. For, for, for. For, for. For, I, I, th. For, th. For. For. For. For. For, th. For. For. For. For. I, I, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I'm th. th. th. thin, I'm thin, I'm thoooooooooooooooome. the. the. the. thean. the. the. th worst breath in the Gulag. Worse breath of the gulag. Almost sounds like the name of a movie. My goodness. Oh, dear folks.

So what's been going on in the Australian media? I'm doing scarequites. You can't see them, but you can feel me waving my fingers in the air. Now that's the power of radio. That is, that is the power of live pre-recorded internet radio. Yeah. It's radio over internet. Royp. Yeah.

Nothing good is happening, surely. No. Nothing, objectively. Like, objectively nice is occurring. Nothing general. Nothing heartwarming. All the human interest stories are like we're interested in how this humans are piece of shit. They're all bad. Everything is. Sure, I mean, now the thing of it, that is one kind of human interest. Yeah. Oh dear. But was it last week that we were having a bit of a chat about, I don't think maybe it wasn't last week, that we're having a bit of a chat about Guardian columnist, Bridget Delaney and her... Before we fly into this, I just want to say,

I just want to say, yep. I do know some people that know her personally and apparently she is strange but very nice. I'm sure she is. And I just want that as a disclaimer because that is not the impression that you get from her stories. The impression you get is that she is strange and an ass. And this is what really kind of drives the interest for us is the multiple layers of number one. Why did you write this and have it have it printed in a large newspaper? And like I don't

know in the same way that we were saying about that piece of the finance writer who just had a bad time at David Jones and then said I'm gonna go and write an article about how pissed off I was at the customer service and you think was this meant to reflect well on you or did you know at the time how much of a dick you were gonna look like whereas with that's kind of the deal with the Bridget Delaney stuff where like I like you'd definitely get the sense that she knows that she is presenting herself to the world as like a clutz of the highest order.

Yeah. Which isn't like by any means the worst thing in the world to be. It's it's far worse to be an actively harmful person than a big-time cluts. There's an element of self-awareness here in that she knows that what she's saying sounds ridiculous, but I believe she is the the th thi thi th th, thi th, she is thi thi thi thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, like thi, like thiolutting. I thiolutting. thi, like thi, like thi, like thi, like thi, like thi, like thi, like thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi she's saying sounds ridiculous but I believe she is under the impression that it reads as quite charmingly earnest. Yeah and relatable. Yes. Not fucking confusing as to why you would express these things. Now I will I will say that I put it to the discord to say hey are you guys getting sick of us reading Bridgetelaney articles because and this is before yeah this is a kind of this is I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I this is I this is I this is I this is I th. I this is a th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. She is a th. She is a this is a th. She is th. She is th. She is th. She is th. She is th. She is th. She is th. She is th. She is th. She is th. She is th. She is th. th. is th. is th. is th. is th. I is th. I is a th. I is a th. I is a th. I is a th. I is a th. I is a th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I put it to the discord to say, hey, are you guys getting sick of us reading Bridget Delaney articles? And this is before, yeah, this, I kind of, we did the one the other week and I thought, all

that's it for a while. But like having a jar of prunes in your cupboard, you've just got to keep going back for one more. Just one more. Because there is something just so alleringinginginginginginginging thaaauuuuuuuuiiiiiiiiiii. that that that that that No matter what it does to you. Because there is something just so alluring about about these that every time they come up we've got to go, oh. Just one more prune. Just one more prune. Then you know what I'm talking about. That absolutely relatable feel of having an insatiable lust for an open jar of prudes that's in your cupboard. Just one more prune baby.

Oh, how do I have prunes? I've already had nine prunes today. You know, two years. Those are rookie numbers, Ben. Okay, so I read. You know, you know, there's the whole that the the prunes feed enough of them you get, you know, there's the whole, the, the thing goes, the prunes feed enough of them you get, you know, diarrhea. Now, I haven't actually... I'm not quite sure that that's true. The prune industry does recommend that you eat somewhere around a hundred grams of prunes

a day. Well, the fucking big... Would you do that, wouldn't they? Now, I, look, I'm just saying they might have science on their side. I'm not sure. They don't. This is like, fucking Caltechs in the 70s being like, it's impossible to change the climate. The prudit is like... You should drink three liters of fuel a day.

If it was up to the brood industry, they'd tell you that it was like that it was like that it was like that it was like that it was like the the fucking Jurassic Park, how dinosaurs need that artificially introduced hormone to keep living. It's same with the human body, you need prudes or you just die. Doctors recommend unfiltered camels for a robust heart. So much like you just have to have one more taste of Bridget. Because Bridget started tweeting earlier this week. It appears she was on holiday. Now the sequence of tweets went as follows. Ug.

U-B-H. H-Ig-H. We swerve into each other. Can I stop you there? Yeah. Sorry what? You, how do we? .

. So you said, ug. Ug. Ug. G-H? Yeah, what do we? That is U-G-H. This mothfucker says, ug. This mothfucker says ug. What should I be saying? It's kind of like an ugh. Ugh.

Have you been saying ug- Have you been saying ug- this whole time? Ug? I can't believe this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is happening this is this is happening this is this is happening to me. Reading out messages to your wife. She's just saying, why are all these people saying, Ug? Ug.

Ugh. Erlinn bike accident. Hipster on Fixie going too fast. We swerve into each other and end up in flower bed with my foot caught in her handbag. Um, sad, sad emoji. Sad, sad emoji face with Tia coffin emoji. Now, clearly, the other cyclist died. Bridget is not dead.

As far as we know, the other cyclist is not dead. I don't know what type of hipster on a fixie is also riding with a handbag. But let's not get into that. But clearly, Bridget is overseas. She's on holiday. She's on holiday. Hmm. This is surely followed by...

Aeropress. Ag. Just given all my money and personal details to a fake Indian visa site. Sad, frowny-face, tear. You know how you're just always giving all of your money and personal details? I went through this exact process right of like applying for an, I don't even know if it's a real visa waiver, I think it's like a visa waiver, right? And there are a bunch of these scams so it's set up. It's so fucking to spot which ones are the fake ones you can be like oh it's a dot-gov address or whatever and like you can the the the the the th th you th you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you th you th th th th th th th th th th th th th that you can that that that that that that that that tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thin. I'm thin. to to to to to to to to to to to to thoooooooooooooooooooooooo. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm to spot which ones are the fake ones. You can be like, oh, it's a dot-gov address or whatever and like, you can check these things. She's meant to be like a fucking, she works

for a goddamn newspaper. Now we're going to get into, we're going to get into the specifics actually of this site in just a moment. The tweets continue. Yep, my bank confirms, I've been a victim of fraud. Exlamation, exclamation, exclamation, exclamation. Now you know this podcast's policy on fraud. We know your policy on fraud. Yeah, and that means the F stands for funny. And all the other letters also stand for things that blame the victim. Really amazing, utter dullards.

That's what you think of the people that are getting frauded. It's a victimless crime, folks. So, so... She continues... She continues. Indian Visa fraudsters. Spending my money at... spending my money at Puma and a Caltech's sad emoji, tea.

We then follow this up with, last time I went to India my wallet was in Michael Safi's backpack and his bag was slashed on my wallet taken. Now I haven't even arrived in the country and I've been robbed. Coffin emoji. Uh, somebody replies, what, no, really? And she says, yes, applying for an Indian visa on a fake website. They stole my details. God, damn.

Now, you might think to yourself, okay, uh, how did this all go so wrong for Bridget? There must have been no signs at all. Almost no signs at all. So she's chosen to immortalize this by writing a piece entitled, My Supermarket Sweep Hell, how a visa scam ruined my holiday. I apply for an Indian tourist visa after going online and googling Indian tourist visa. I have traveled to India before and unfortunately was robbed on my first day. During a street food tour in Old Delhi, after I gave my wallet to a friend to put in his backpack for safekeeping, while sampling Samoas, his backpack was slashed with a knife and my wallet

taken. This visit will be different. I am determined not to be robbed again. On Monday, applying for a tourist visa, I've become bored with the amount of questions on the form. This is possibly the funniest part of the article to be. It's just like... Just like... I've stopped caring about what I was doing several questions in. Mother's maiden name, her date of birth, my bank account details, four photos of me, a scan of my passport, my last trip to India, where did I go? Delhi, I answer somewhat sourly.

Like a child wanting to leave the dinner table. Delhi, city of thieves. The fieve for the visa is almost $300. That's weird, I think. It should be $80. I don't think much more of it. Until Wednesday morning in London. I'm not just clear. She's like telling you about the red flags in the thing. I know that this is supposed to cost US $80. They want $300. I think that that's very strange, so I give them $300 and close

the window. To me, that is nothing when compared to the price of my patients. Oh, man. Now, don't get me wrong. I identify with this as a person who is very prone to like just making fast choices to avoid having to like do particular things for too long. I don't know. I feel like there's definitely been points of life where... That must be wonderful. It must be an incredible thing to have. It's great. Sometimes you do, you do,

you do find yourself in a Bridget type scenario where you go maybe if I had a little longer thinking about this. But still, but still. She finds that Wednesday morning in London, she can no longer access her online banking. Calling my bank in Australia I am put through to the fraud team. We think your account was accessed without authorization, they tell me. Well, somebody had the authorization. Using my details from the fake Indian visa website, someone has made a copy of my bank card and attached it to their phone. The previous night they have gone on a spending

spree around Melbourne. They've hit up a Puma, a Caltex and a 7-Eleven. Could it have been me, they asked. Last night I was in Chelsea having dinner with Bob Geldof, I reply indignantly. You know, last time we were saying how, I think we were just joking around that Starfucking was like a particular fixture of her articles. Look who I know. But it's not just Bob Geldof. But, and this comes back to what you were saying, Ben. Yes, she is theoretically the victim of a crime here, but she's not casting herself

in the greatest light with the way she has chosen to write. But it's again that says that like thinking it will be received differently. Yeah, I reply indignantly, Sir Bob Geldof. I mean he was at the next table, he wasn't actually with me, but yeah, he was near me. I was having dinner near Bob Geldof on the other side of the world, not at Caltex. Could he just said, uh, no, it was in Chelsea. It wasn't me. I did not go to a Caltex.

I wasn't in the country. I don't own a car because every time I do my searing wheel whiffs out of the window. They should know that she's out of the out of the country because I don't know about you guys but like You're supposed to tell your bank that you tell your bank that you're leaving the country otherwise they get oh Someone used your card in London. We're now freezing it. I don't like this about Westpac but they do have have have have have have have have have a the the th. th. the th. th. th. th. the th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. to have. to have. the to have. to have. the to have. the the the th. to to. the their. th. th. to to to to to to th. th. th. th. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. S. th. th. th. the th.ac but they do have a little push notification that the banking app gives you if you go to the international airport. That's delightful. It says where are you going? And then I say loudly to my phone in public by myself, how do you know? The damn NSA all up in your business. They got me. To stop the fraud the bank tell me they have to block my card, which puts me in a tough position.

I'm overseas and about to go traveling. Which... Another card won't reach me in time, yet I only have 15 pounds in my wallet. The fraud person at my bank agrees to unblock my card briefly so I can get some cash out. Quote, but only for 30 minutes by 7 p.m. Australia time we'll put the block back on it permanently. You're lifting the block now? Yes, now for 30 minutes. But I'm still in my pajamas. Ugh. I chuck on some clothes and run down to Tottenham Court Road like a contestant on supermarket sweep. It's horrible.

I race into a coffee shop. Flat wide to go. I come back. Finally... Finally... So hang on, just to be specific, I come back is in quotes as in those that she is purporting to us to have said. Flat white to go is all capitalised suggesting she has yelled this at the person behind

the counter and then I come back is the next sentence. So basically immediately she has reverted to some type of pigeon English scenario. And this will continue so finding the cash machine, I take out the maximum amount of money, but it's still nowhere near enough for two weeks traveling. Shove cashwad into wallet but it doesn't fit and bulges out precariously. Oh, what am I going to do with all this cash? Race across the road. Barely fits in my wallet. Race across the road narrowly missed getting hit by double decker bus.

I need shoes and sunglasses. Must buy before card expires. Run to Primark. Shop too large and confusing. People walk slowly staring at their phones. Thought this was supposed to be fast fashion. Pick up random ugly shoes and sunglasses and do not try them on. No time! Back out on street. Remember coffee ordered. Run back, get it. Coffee cold.

Order another while I still have my card. Oh. Run out onto road with coffee in each hand. I need to get presents for my London hosts. Run to a flower stand. You take card? Yes. Give me some of those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. the the the their thoes. their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. th. I to. I to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to to. to to to to to th. take card? Yes. Give me some of those and some of those. I pay now. She's like a Russian stereotype or something? All of a sudden. I think she's using

a delightful writing technique to indicate to us the sense of urgency that she's experiencing. She doesn't have time for all the works. It's working. Drink both coffees, one too hot, the other one cold, while flowers wrapped and start shaking with caffeine and stress. Ten minutes left. I just want to take a moment as well to say like, just, I think this also really portrays a great sense of priorities here. Oh, a hundred percent.

No, but it's a charming quirk that that that that that her that her that her that her that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that that quirk that her priorities are weird. That's why she's writing about it. Oh, wasn't it funny that I dilly-dallied when the point of the story was... You know what, actually I don't know what it was? Yeah, I don't know either, but clearly like any normal person would say, okay, so if you need shoes and sunglasses, that's fine right those are arguably essential items and then you go home to your hosts and you say hey sorry I haven't gotten you guys anything for letting me stay I have been the victim of bank fraud hmm the details of which I'm not going to discuss because they are far too embarrassing I tell you what though.

For you even my close friends to hear. In lieu of a gift, maybe I'll just do some like courtesy tidying around the house or whatever. Yep. Uh, run to bookstor, yanker greeting card off the shelf for hosts. It could say anything. I have no time to check. Six minutes left. Too many bags now, my cash falling from wallet. Knock over a stack of books with my oversized stems of flowers. Why did he give me giant flowers?

Looking for presents for hosts. Books, too many, coffee jitters. Grab something with a yellow cover by author I've never heard of, blurbed by other authors I've never heard of. This will have to do. I will read it on the plane. Person on till has sleepy voice says, the the til's til's til's til's til's til's ti tii tip tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tod. tooom. tooom. tooom. tooom. tooom. tooom. tooom. tooes. too. too. tooes. tooes. tooes. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. too. too. Sixthe. Sixthe. Sixthe. Six minutes. Six minutes. toe. tode. toe. toe. toe. Six minutes. toe. toe. toe. Six minutes. toe. I will read it on the plane. The person on till has sleepy voice says the till's just waking up. It's a bit slow today. I scream but hold it in. So I don't scream. He asked me how my day is going so far. So far so bad. It's a fun in version of a common phrase. It feels like something that like someone in a 90s movie would say immediately after doing

a not joke. My goodness. Buy book and card, leave store. Remember I need to get presents for hosts. Have only bought present for self and giant flowers. Two minutes. I grab two random books from shelf. Something about the financial crisis, something about female friendship.

Race to Till that is still waking up. German woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman. I that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's. I that's. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theeat. I the theat. I theat. I the the the the the the th, something about female friendship, race to till that is still waking up. German woman gets in before me. No! I have 90 seconds. She's not even buying anything. She wants, she wants. WTF does she want? A book?

Yes. On walking? FFS. it down. I'm almost standing on top of her, dribbling with stress. I have a minute to buy my host these random presents before my money is cut off. She's trying to explain the book but she's doing it wrong. Instead of naming the author, she's slowly describing to the clerk the book's dimensions. She draws a book with her fingers. It's this size. It's the size of a book, I yell out. The clerk sends her to the back the back the back the back the back the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their the. I their the, the, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I'm theckeckeckeckeckeckeckeckeckeckeckeckeckeckeckeckeckeckeckeckeckeckecke's. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. It's this size. It's the size of a book, I yell out. The clerk sends her to the back of the shop. I throw down my books.

Scan now, or it may not work. It's almost 7 p.m. in Australia. I wave my card over the machine. Ah, work, please. Okay, sorry. Huh? A-A-R-R-G-H. And how will we say that one? Give them one another run. Oh my God, well, please.

Please, please give me some guidance here, Theo. No, no, we just want to hear you. Please. Please. What you think? Well, this time I said, oh, yeah. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, interesting. Geez. Just trying to please you, you know. We wait as the hour ticks over. Approved. So we can only imagine how the rest of this holiday in India is going to go. I imagine another 15 or 20 articles? Well, easily. Now I just want to, you know, to make it, I don't want this to look like we're bullying her, right? So let's establish that the power dynamic here is that she is seemingly a relatively well-off woman who is, is she just a columnist or the opinion editor that she got, no she's just a columnist isn't she? I think he might be right.

Senior writer for Gardening Australia, Gardening Australia. Yeah, I think you might be right. So, gardening Australia. Yeah. So obviously, um... Senior writer for Gardening Australia, okay? Sorry Gardening Australia, Gardening Australia. Yep. So obviously, I kick shit for a living. I only have a part-time job. I have bad hair. I don't have a lot of money.

None of our dick's work. None of our dick's work. We don't have any influence or charisma. And I think she's a more powerful figure than we are. Yep. So... All of my nail beds are receding. Yep. I have some dental issues that I can't afford to go sort out. And she put this out in public on purpose so I think we're in the clear. Yeah, yeah it sounds right to me. Okay good. I'm not sure if I've been circumcised or not. Got a kind of a half job. Were you at the part of my birthday drinks where we

were doing the customary, hey everyone, let's figure out who is or who is not circumcised? No, no. The customary part? Oh, it happens at just about every party I've ever been to. And at your own insistence, I see. At your parties, that would be like one of those grid logic puzzles where you can just find somebody who has either slept with that person or like to down that chain th. th th th th th th. th th th th th. th the th. the the th. the the th. the the th. th. th. th. th. th. to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be thi. thi. to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be thi. I is th. I is th. I is th. I is th. I is th. I is th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I to th. I to the. I to toe. to toe. toe. toe toeate. toe toe toean. toean. toean. toean. toean. toean. toe toe. with that person or like two down that chain and slowly put X's in the grid?

You certainly don't need to talk to the person themselves to find out if that's what you're saying. But otherwise people put off a vibe. Oh, you can tell who the two people are in that particular instance that are circumcised. You'd be able to tell from looking. Won't reveal on the podcast though. You can find your little... Not in the free episodes. I think in general you can tell by looking. You can really sense the vibe of your local intactivists.

Oh, boy. the exception that proves the vibe of your local intactivists. Oh boy. Now speaking of your bad hair, Ben, we do have a question from the mail bag, from a lover of the show Balesworth, who asks, is there a statistical business to party ratio that Ben is applying to his mullet? Oh, that's a wonderful question. Uh, uh,

actually, I wonder, was Devon part of that conversation? Sorry, the person that said in that question, I was too drunk by that stage. Oh. Uh, but he might have been there. Uh, so, that's odd coincidence. I'm going for, at this stage, 85% party, 15% business. That's odd coincidence. I'm gonna say I'm going for, at this stage,

85% party, 15% business. That is an aggressive mix. Well, I've only got business at the sides, because the top and front of my hair is also long. The whole thing is long, except I've got essentially Scrilex's hair cut, but worse. Ooh. Like, where Scrilex's hair is at now is aspirational for me.

Maybe not in color, or in terms of the person that it's attached to, but in shape, certainly. Yeah, I'm going to go 8515 split. There you go. So, um, other things in the media this week has been the reappearance of long time of friend and adversary of the show, Nelly Yoa. Now you may remember Nellie Yoa, or if you would like to actually, if you would like to go back and revisit this show's relationship and documenting of the many exploits of Nellyoa, you can start with episode 29, Apex Gang Hunter Valley Subdivision featuring

Friend of the show, Matt Brady. Oh, great episode. You can then move on to episode 45, Dark Latham, also featuring friend of the show, Matt Brady. How'd you get a little kick out of that one, you mate? That's a wonderful title. And of course, I think I came up with it. You can then move on to... We can fight about this later. Prop stuff. And then of course episode 67, Cyber Nigel. And so we've we've talked about Nelly in all of these who was then responded by clapping back at us, if you will, on social media.

We have fun, it's all very nice. I'm not sure that Nelly's having that much fun at the moment. And I think a good caveat to what we're about to get into is that there is a fair chance that this man is profoundly mentally ill. And that there is a fair chance that this man is profoundly mentally ill and that this is a power dynamic where we're punching down but as always we just report the news we just report the facts we report you punch down news you can't ignore opinions you can trust is that the sky news one is I think that's the sky news one backwards I was trying to. Is that the Sky News one, isn't it? I think it's the Sky News one backwards.

I was trying to think of what the Fox News one is. What's the Fox News motto? Anyway, go on. Anyway, so yes, obviously we will have the appropriate caveats in him. But how about a little recap on his exploits? So if you don't know who Nellie-Yoa is, he is a mystery. He's an enigma, this man.

He has appeared on the Australian media scene in the last year or two, making many, many claims, many claims about where he's been, what he's done, describing himself as like a professional footballer and an actor and like a local youth leader and all this sort of stuff. So from News.com. That are you here. This is not his first time in the spotlight for the wrong reason. The Melbourne has been forced to deny that he lied in the past about his position in

the Sudanese community, his football exploits and his supposed sponsorship deals with Nike and Qantas. Yoa was interviewed for a front page story in the age last year following a series of violent crimes allegedly committed by Melbourne's Sudanese community. He said he was quote ashamed to be Sudanese and labeled himself a community leader, a position he has since walked back. South Sudanese community leader said Yoa did not represent them. He later posted a picture that he posted of himself on Twitter at Chelsea's famous Stamford Bridge and claimed that he'd been signed by English Premier League Giants Chelsea and that Nike had sponsored

him. According to his LinkedIn page, Yow played for Chelsea from February 2013 to August 2013, a year after he claimed the signing on Twitter. His Facebook page says he played with Chelsea in 2012. Yoah went on to post about learning from the best in the world. Sports reporter and friend of the show Vince Ruggari from the Australian Associated Press confirmed, quote, Chelsea had no record of nearly Yoa ever trialing that. He also claimed to have tried out for a lucrative contract with an AFL team and claimed to have been invited to the annual Brownlow Awards. And how did that one end, Ben? I believe with him hiding in the toilets once security discovered that he was there.

But he had snuck onto the premises, at which point he was banned from the casino where the event was being held. In an interview with News.com that are the haters.oeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Heaa. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. He. He. He. Hea, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that, that that that that, that that that that th. That th. That th. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. Hea. He was. He was, thed. He was, thed. He was, thed. He was, thed. He was, thed. He was, thed. He was, thed. thed. thed. thed. thed. last year, Yoa said he was embracing the attention and the haters were simply making him more successful. It's hard to argue with. It's been full on, but it's been great, he said. I'm embracing all this attention. Yes, I think that's very, very fair to say. He continues, everyone is entitled to their opinion and it's just another media hunt.

They are just trying to put me down because of what I'm trying to do. I don't know why they're doing it, but because I am in the limelight, they will do anything to put me down. But what they don't understand is, the more they talk about me, the more successful I become and the more I will embrace it. Now this is undoubtedly true. Up to a point. I think like a lot of people out there who have basically been operating through just long-term charlatanism and light fraud. There always seems to be a point at which, like, other than say, I don't know, Donald Trump, for example, he hasn't quite found his ceiling yet. always seems to be a point at which like other than say I don't know Donald

Trump for example he hasn't quite found his ceiling yet but but yeah like I think there's a lot of people where basically through just straight up lying they manage to elevate their profiles and their careers to various points they manage to get promoted into jobs and positions that they shouldn't otherwise be in they get a lot of media attention and it always seems like it's it's going way better than it should unless it goes for too long and then you invariably hit the downward spiral. You hit the downward slope and I think that we have just reached that point finale.

Which of course should be reminding us all of the of boat watch. The long yet eventually depressing saga of Logan Mayor Luke Smith. Oh yeah is can we get like a minor key sting? Oh just a dirge version of it. Oh dear. Now, if you would like to catch up on Boat Watch. You could go and start with episode 41 of this show. You have won a boat. Yeah, he's all over it. But doing my research this week.

Welcome to Budivist episode 103, the episode where we list our other episodes. Well, it's relevant. It's relevant, folks, if you're a new listener and you would like to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to bea, to bea, to bea, to to to boat to boat to boat to boat to boat to boat to boat to boat to boat to boat to boat to boat to boat to boat to boat to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be new listener and you would like to listen to the Bow Watch saga. You start with episode 41. You have won a buck. You then move on to episode 46 in cell inside. And then move on to episode 58, Bannermaniacs. And so so the story of Logan Mayor Luke Smith was what started off as a very funny, very funny story of the story of Logan Mayor Luke Smith was what started off as a very funny, very funny story of the mayor of a, it's a town, yeah? It's a city. Mayor of the city of Logan in Queensland, Luke Smith, who had basically just taken a boat from someone as a donation. It was like from some, was it Chinese lobbyists?

And they said, hey, would you like a free, large boat? And he said, yes. We had a lot of fun with all of the reporting of him and the media and him actively going out to the media to protest his innocence and managing to do like multiple interviews in which he talked about this at length without ever answering anyone's direct questions about, yeah, but did you take the boat? The boat's not the issue here. And of course, over time, this became a sadder and sadder story until the very last update,

which was that he was going to prison and had also perpetrated domestic violence. So I feel like we're kind of reaching this arc in Nelly's story. For the camera times this week. A serial attention seeker facing perjury charges has rolled up to a Melbourne court in a white Rolls Royce with a presidential style security detail running beside the vehicle. Nelly Oa 30 appeared in Melbourne Magistrate's court on Thursday charged with five offences including perjury and making false reports to police. Clad in a pink blazer and white pants, he arrived at court with two luxury cars and a team of supporters running alongside his chauffeur vehicle wearing black suits and sunglasses.

Now, Ben, would you like to just describe this scene for us? I mean, more than what you just described? Yeah, because I feel like there's some key elements here that don't really get put across in this description. I didn't actually see it in that much detail. I think I'm gonna let you do this one. Well, I think the, I think the way that they've described it l th th it th is th th the the the they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've the the the the the the the the the the their their the. the. the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the. the. the. the. the. the. thei. thei. thei. thei. thei. thei. thei. thei. thei. the. th going to let you do this one. Well, I think the way that they've described it lends it some air of professionalism, like a sort of secret service operation that you might, that you might imagine. But in reality, it's like a secret service operation if all of the secret service people were dressing up in like their father's suits and had little the little earplugs that you put in for like

concerts or whatever with their like fingers held up to them I don't know if they actually had them but doing like pantomiming a security detail like eight people pantomiming a security detail surrounding a car that holds a man who does not require in any way shape or form a security detail, which is a fun, when you were going through, I know these are kind of two basically unrelated concerns, right? But when you were going through what he was saying about, you know, everyone's entitled to their belief and you know, this is just the haters and all this sort of stuff, in referring

to him being a massive liar and being called on it, you could basically take the entire thing of what he's saying and apply it to any kind of conservative opinion from the last 20 years, right? That like it's all the same sort of like touch points and that sort of thing. And here is one more, this sort of imagining that they are a massive target for not only like hate but also violence by painting a like a massive target on their own back and saying like look how oppressed I am. Everyone's out to get everyone's out to get me the person who is a good boy and who has done nothing wrong.

Well yes, the parallel I think that you're also referring to is everyone keeps calling me a liar solely due to my massive volume of very provable lies. Yeah. Which is very similar to the conservative commentator, a battle cry of, oh, you call everyone you don't like a racist solely for their well documented racist opinions. Mm-hmm. Yeah, so like Theo. So like Theo. So like Theo. So, so, the, the, the, the, the, the, I, that, I, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that you, that you, that you, that you, that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you that you that you that you that you that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you that you that you that you that you that you that you, that you, that you, that you, that you, that you, that you, that you're the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, the the, the p-a, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, you're also thi, you're also that you you don't like a racist solely for their well-documented racist opinions. Yeah, so like Theo is saying here, it's basically a group of people who have been assembled to run alongside this Rolls-Royce, all dressed in, like there are people in there who look like they're 16. It's very clearly like a bunch of either friends or, you know, people that he's hired from

Fiver or some shit like that. Anyone? It was just putting a Craigslist, add up. If you have a black suit jacket and sunglasses, come on down. And you know, there's, there's, there were no EAPI's things at all. There is no form of communication taking place between any of these people. Very, very funny and very obvious charlatanism. And like, I think a lot of people all had the same question, which is like, I think what everybody wanted to see here was, where is the point that they all convened together? I assume it was just around the corner on the same the same same same same same thane thane thi. thi. thi. thi. thi.. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi their their thi thi thi taken taken taken taken taken taken taken taken taken taken taken taken taken taken taken taken taken taken taken taken taken taken taken taken taken taken taken taken taken taken taken taken taken taken taken taken taken taken taken taken taken thi thi thi thi thi their their their their taken their their taken the point that they all convened together?

I assume it was just around the corner on the same block. And they would have all had to get together first and have a little chat about how this was going to go down. And that's a beautiful scene to me. That is the scene that I want to see. There's everybody coming. Thanks for coming. All right, everybody, everybody, everybody, everybody, everybody, you, you, you, everybody, you, you, you, to you, to you, to you, to you, thiii. thi. thi. thi. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. thoooooomoom. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. thooooooooooooooooooooooooo. tha. thogether. Oh, hey guys, thanks for coming. All right, ready? Everybody ready to jog around the corner at five kilometers an hour? So very silly, very silly innings, like right from the beginning, including when he then got out of the car, flanked by this pretend security detail,

and walked up the steps of the courthouse and attempted to enter in through the express entrance for lawyers and was told to fuck to fuck to fuck to fuck to fuck to fuck to fuck to fuck to fuck to fuck to fuck to fuck to fuck to fuck to fuck to fuck to fuck to fuck to fuck to fuck to fuck to f fc, the the the the to the to to to the steps of the courthouse and attempted to enter in through the express entrance for lawyers and was told to fuck off and he had to come out and go back down the stairs and get back in the car which is some great great smooth stuff. Charge sheets allege that you lied to police that a woman threatened him with a knife in his Danonong home in June 2016. He then allegedly lied to police that a woman threatened him with a knife in his Dandenong home in June 2016. He then allegedly lied to them again in May 25, 2018 when he reported a woman threatened him with handgun. His solicitor Chris McClellan told the court that Yoa, quote, does seem to have delusions

of grandeur, this sort of narcissism. Everything he has bought before the court is isthere as his own stupidity, he said. But added that his client would find it difficult to be imprisoned. You know it's not great when you get rinsed by your own wife. And that's definitely, as you described earlier, I think the point that this jumps the shock as far as... Just becoming sad now? Becoming something that's like, yeah, I mean this is...

Yeah, where it goes from like being like, hey, this guy's a huge narcissist to, oh, this guy's a huge narcissist. Yeah. Or it goes from, this guy's an asshole to this guy might have some problems. Yep. Um, just as far as being a serial liar and somebody who is apparently just unable to stop doing it. Just complete, compulsive lying at this point. And yeah, I think by the time you get to a point where your own lawyer is saying, I think the best thing we can do is get up there and talk about how you kind of fucked up here and you can't stop doing it, as opposed to he is innocent of all of these charges. I think it probably doesn't help to be charged by the police with lying to them when, if, for example,

they were going to try and present any evidence around your character I don't know if it would help to have an extremely extensive and well-documented history of lying to everyone you've ever met and very deliberately and actively seeking out members of the media to lie too. So a friend of yo who joined him in court gave reporters a one-page statement from Yoa saying that his, quote, spectacular arrival was, quote, not, attention seeking. In the statement, Yoa, who previously claimed to have played professional soccer overseas, blamed the charges on a police and state government vendetta against him.

Hmm. I won't be silent. I answer to no one, he said. You might be answering to someone in jail soon. Mr. McClennon said that Yoah worked at the Justice Department from April to May, but lost his job after media reporting of his court matters. I am struggling to understand how this is possible, Deputy Chief Magistrate Felicity Broaden said. Now I don't, I don't specifically understand what that is referring to in this article. It's impossible that he worked for the Justice Department or possible that he lost his job over it.

Well both those things seem quite possible. I also feel like that his lawyer would not have said to the court, he worked at the Justice Department, unless he was pretty sure? I feel like based on what this lawyer is saying, it seems like the lawyer is very much in the party of, I'm just going to be telling the truth during this thing, still in an attempt to keep you out of jail, but I don't think I'll be doubling the thl thl thl the thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi' thi thi thi thi' theou-a' theou-a' thiolo-a' thiol-a' thiol-a' thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, the, thin, toe, toe, toe, toeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, toe, thin, thin, to be telling the truth during this thing. Still in an attempt to keep you out of jail, but I don't think I'll be doubling down on any of your lies as part of it. Sure. Now this was the part that made me sad. The father of three now works in a storeroom in Ballarat. So I've forgotten that he had a bunch kids as well, which is not great.

Because there was the whole news story of him claiming that famous world's fastest man, Usain Bolt had like dashed from whatever country he was in at the time to Melbourne to be present at the birth of his third child. There's also like photos of them together. When you say dashed? I mean that he ran so fast that he was hydroplaining across the surface of the ocean. Very good. Thank you. Canonically able to do that on this show.

But yeah, there were photos of them together at like a sporting event, at like a race, like a Melbourne Cup type thing. Which, again, Nelly used to try and push to to to to to push to push to push to thuu-sofus thu-so-so-try and thu-so-try and thu-try and that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that Cup type thing, which again, Nelly used to try and push the line that they were best friends, long-time best friends, and he'd given interviews saying that, oh yeah, he came to be bedside at the birth of my third child, and a St. Maltz agent has said, no, they're not friends. They met once at like a racetrack thing and he tried to make friends at everybody and they all ignored him. But they did get a photo together and that photo was all the evidence that Delhi needed to spin a

whole bunch of articles out of it saying, we are best pals. Mr. McClennon said his client had, quote, attracted media attention and he will have to suffer for that his whole life. When Yor was asked outside court why he had the flashy car, he said, I'm not sure, and said those running alongside it were just, quote, general public. Oh no. This is... Very strange, and it's clear that a conversation has occurred in between these two events.

Say, hey, maybe, what the fuck are you doing? Yes, yes. And all of that. Well, it'd be pretty tricky, wouldn't it, if you were this dude's lawyer. And every time anything was happening, he was like, time to create another fantastical scenario you'd be like please please stop just stop for like five minutes you know. He also said that the that the car was lent to him by his close personal friend Mick Gatto who is is of course a Melbourne

underworld crime figure. Mick Gatto's lawyer was contacted who immediately said Mick Gatto has never met this dude, and is not friends with him. So I thought it might be, might be nice to close out with just a little chunk of a long read from friend of the show Richard Cook in the monthly from last year entitled The Fabulous Tale of Nellie-Yoa. So I'll just give us a few paragraphs from this. The study of pathological lying is thin but full of sonorous descriptions.

Experts use terms like pseudologia fantastica, morbid lying, mythomania. One study describes a tendency for pseudologues to quote, decorate their own person. After a week in the wake of Nile Nellie-Yoa, surely one of the most prolific and impressive fantasists of our era, I discovered a surprising subtheme in my notes, an accidentally coined te. I had begun'd begun to refer to the people most intimately deceived, not as victims or witnesses or associates, but as participants, as though Nelly Yoa was an event instead of just a person. These participants, passive and active, were all over the world. There were students and journalists and footballers, trainers and coaches, powerful media figures and politicians. Some had never met Yoher at all thu. Some th if th if th th the the the the the the the the the people the people th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tho-a. I thi. thi. I've thi. I've thi. I've thi. I've thi. I've, thi. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm t t t t te. I'm te. I'm tea. I've teeauu teau tea. I've. I've teea. I've tea. I'm tea. Some had never met Yoa at all. Some had known him for years.

Some now wondered if he was even Sudanese. One of the first things I checked, he is. Oddly, none bore him any ill will. There was some bewildered anger from the Sudanese community, but the strongest emotion the news cycle, this former dual-code professional footballer, youth mentor, actor and migrant community leader whose story was given the front page of the age newspaper under the headline, I'm ashamed to call myself Sudanese.

The participants feared for his well-being as this fictional autobiography evaporated under scrutiny. But they still called him a good lad and a decent bloke and couldn't help laughing at the sheer scale of it all. It is not feasible to fact-check everything, one authority on fantasists told the independent newspaper and I know the feeling. Taken together, Yoah's fabulous claims are so various and extensive that exhaustive investigation is almost impossible. His nightclub altercation with the rapper's tie dollar sign on YG, which led to a to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their cation with the rapper's Ty Dollar sign on YG, which led to a rumoured hundred thousand dollar payout, remain a mystery for now. So too his extensive acting career, although at a glance he appeared on the chases war on everything six years after it stopped airing. That glance, the work of a moment, speaks to the most perplexing aspect of the event.

When I spoke with Ricky Sims, Hussain Bolt's manager, it's officialial, the world, the world, the world, the world, the world, the world, the world, the world, the world, the world, the world, the world, the aspect of the event. When I spoke with Ricky Sims, Hussain Bolt's manager, it's official the world's fastest man was not Yoa's mentor, did not meet him in Beijing, and was not present for the birth of his child. He marveled that this kind of deception was possible in the internet era, when background checks are so much easier. It's fair to say that Nehya's improbable stories cannot withstand the brief the brief the brief the briefest scrutiny, but for a long time they could somehow do something much more powerful, ward off that scrutiny. Some great long-form piece there from Richard Cook that is available in the monthly, if you would like to Google it up, The Fabulous Tale of Nellyowa.

And of course Richard goes on to make a point of the fact that part of what was irresistible to Australian media about making a figure out of Nellio was the fact that he was a young black man willing to go on the cover of a newspaper and say the Sudanese community is bad, which happened during the big, the big mythical Sudanese crime gang panic of last year. A slow news summer, which turned into that. And I believe, as Richard says in the piece, much like if you are a woman willing to say feminism has gone too far, you'll have a media gig for life. Same for people who are willing to come out against their own people and give people a license to feel racist

against them, basically. So, you know, we'll keep you updated. But at this point, it doesn't really look like there's going to be a happy end to the Nelly Yoa saga. Let's hope he stays out of prison because while he is a mysterious and prolific liar and fantasist, as Richard says, I guess, you know, it's not really hurting anyone. It's making a lot of journalists write some stupid shit. Even MediaWatch referred to him as an ex-professional footballer. Oh yeah, that was funny. Like the number of people who will just take something at the absolute barest face value

assessment. Like there were interviews with him in like a magazine called like some type of cinema magazine they were talking to him about his acting career. How do you find time for acting outside of being a professional footballer? These people said to him. It's like how do you manage to interview someone and not even just like Google them one time? I think the thing is that people don't expect people to be massive large-scale liars. People expect to be maybe like manipulated for people to be spinning things, but no one expects

someone to just be like, oh, um, by the way, I actually lived on the International Space Station for four years. Yeah, and they just got back, my bones. I have some sore bones. All this gravity is hurting my bones. If someone said that to me, I'd be like, oh, shit. Fuck, that's wild. I didn't know that happened to your bones. I always suspected something would happen to your bones, but I never knew what. Great to have it confirmed. Yeah, lovely to meet you. An astronaut you say. Yeah, and I think part of the point that Richard makes throughout that piece as well is that

any of the individual claims themselves obviously fall apart the second that you try to confirm them. But he's obviously made such an effort over such a prolonged period of time to just lie about almost any given thing at any opportunity that he's been given to speak to someone. That you wind up having this this massive kind of mesh of all of these individual smaller lies so that any time that you do search for this person, what you're going to get, first of all, is like a great big coding of very, very light touch references to him in various newspaper

articles as someone who was a semi-pro footballer or ex-professional footballer or someone who was an American Express ambassador, all these different things that he's told people that he is and put on his LinkedIn page and his social media profiles and set in interviews and all that sort of stuff. So that if you are kind of only having a very cursory glance, it can get to that point. And I guess like, you know, coming back to what I was referring to early, where we've spoken before on this podcast about different types of fraud and theft and con artistry and that sort of stuff, it really does make you see how, if this is how far you can get, if this is how far you

can get, uh, if this is how far you can get based solely on projecting confidence and making like, staggeringly false, instantly, instantly disprovable claims, then it's no wonder that people are able to quite successfully do like long-term, long-term con artistry or any of that sort of thing. Because if the lies that you're telling are just believable or mundane or the kind of thing that people wouldn't really feel like there was any particular need or even interest in checking. Yes, I definitely am a doctor. I got an MD and don't look into it. Well even like I think the much more mundane version of this is like white collar work and that sort of stuff. The number of people who claim to have, you know,

to claim to have got a degree from a particular university, but in like business administration. Yeah, or the number of people that claimed to be a full stack when they're not. Yeah. It's a thing I've heard though. Am I thia? Sure.

Am I'm all right with that very specific one? Yeah, I mean, I've got a full stack. Stacked. You can't just go around with the half stack these days. Well, they might hire you if you don't have a half... If you're good at one thing, they'll say no thank you. But if you say, I am kind of good at one thing and shit house at the other one, but I'm pretending I can do both. Oh they love you. They fucking love you. It says here, it says here that you're a jack of all trades? Let me just say, holy fuck. You're a ninja rockstar full stack developer. Now that's quite cool.

Now that appeals to me a cool dude. Let me get this right you're a dotnet developer for seven years, but you've also done two weeks of free JavaScript courses. Oh, what a catch. My goodness. So, you know, thoughts and prayers and good vibes of the show to Nelly Yewah in this time of, this trying time. We wish him nothing but peace and happiness in his life. I hope that this time of, this trying time in your life. We wish him nothing but peace and happiness in his life. I hope that this big house of cards that has come tumbling down upon your own head does not hurt you. I hope it falls upon him like a soft blanket and he can lay there finally at rest.

Not dead. Not dead. No, no, it. Still alive, but no longer juggling an obscene number of lies. I just, yeah, like, obviously, and again, we don't want to go too far down the road of like speculating about the specifics of people's mental states and all that sort of stuff. We're certainly not psychologists. I'm no doctor or am I according to this certificate that I've printed out and told people that I am a doctor. University of America College, I've never heard of that one. Yes. But yeah, you can only assume that for somebody in this type of position that that they are unable to stop themselves from doing at a certain point. Because you would think, you would think that if you had kind of told a bunch of lies

and the things had just sort of spiraled out of control, that at a certain stage of being caught out, you would just be relieved? You would just be relieved and plead guilty to a thing and say, I'm so sorry. I remember reading a case several years ago about somebody who was tried thi thi thi thi thi thired thired thired thried thried thried thried thried thried thried thried thi thi, thi, thi, you thi, you thi, you would thi, you would thi, you would thi, you would that that if that if that if thi, you would that if that if that if that if that if that if that if that if you would that if you would that if you would that if you would that if you would that if you would that if you would that if, you that if, you that if, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you that if that if that if that if thi, you thi, you thi, you thi, you would thi, you would thi, you would thi, thin, you would thin, you would thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, you would thin, thin, thin, you would thin, you would thi thi, you would thi, thi, th a thing and say, I'm so sorry. I remember reading a case several years ago about somebody who was tried under the, you know how they have laws against like stealing valor? Yes. And impersonating soldiers and all that sort of thing. And I remembered reading this story about a guy who came into a, he was in a pub, and I can't remember if he was like, he was wearing something

or he was in an RSL or wherever it was. He was wearing something that made somebody ask him about, you know, what he did in the army or what he'd done somewhere. And he felt so pressured by this group of people expectantly looking at him that he just kind of made up this story. And they went, oh that's amazing, we love it. And everybody bought him beers and was super nice to him. And the next time he came in they were like, tell us another of your stories. And he went, oh no, and he made up another thing. And it ended up with him like, you know,

giving speeches at schools about things and like and you know receiving awards as like a as a community leader in this sort of thing and of course somebody is finally twigged at some point and reported this to the I don't know army police narcotline or whatever someone stealing valor one eight hundred stolen valor yeah yep and and so they caught this guy and they tried him and he was just completely straight up about it in court. He was just like, I just told a story because these people seem to really want to hear it and things just got really out of control and I'm frankly incredibly relieved that it can

stop now. And I can only assume that that's the type of person where they aren't necessarily a compulsive liar. I'm completely compelled to just continue weaving this sort of stuff out of thin air, despite the evidence of all of the negative effects in their life that it's creating. But someone who has genuinely just been swept along in something and has thought, Oh, thank fuck. I can stop with this now. I'm so ready to be done with this thing. I'm not a full stack developer, you can finally shout for the rooftops.

I don't do that at work. I'm a quarter stack and I'm proud. I bet that the guy that was on the league that lied about being in the towers 9-11, I bet he was relieved what he got to be like, actually? No. Just finally, you can just finally stop telling people about it. Steve Renazizi, that's a lot of N's and Z's in that name. But yeah, he had to finally admit that he, uh, he, uh, he had to finally admit that he, uh, uh, the, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the guy, the guy, the guy, he, the guy, hea, hea, hea, that's a lot of n's and zs in that name. But yeah, he had to finally admit that he was not in 9-11 as he claimed to be at the time.

But he lied about it for years. Three long time. Well, you can't, once you've done it once, you're fucked. You are absolutely fucked. Yeah, there's no good time to, except for approximately five seconds after you, you lie, there is no good time to say, hey, sorry, whatever it was that you were saying, journalists, that's fine. By the way, that thing about 9-11, not true.

Like you can't just, there's no conversation you can just stop and inject that fact into, I reckon. and inject that fact into and then continue. There's definitely, yeah, the five-second rule is you've got one second. You have to, you've got nothing basically. Once you've been like, hey, I was actually in the South Tower hiding in the bathrooms. Uh, wait, no, no, I wasn't. Like, you can't. You have to immediately say, that's not true. I don't know why I said that. I really think th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. th immediately say that's not true. I don't know why I said that. I really think that prevention is the only cure here. Like you can't, once you've said the sentence, they're just going to be like, wait, were you trying to lie about being at this?

Yeah. But at least it's about to lie about having been in one of the towers during 9-11, don't. Yeah. Solid advice. Solid advice. Incidentally, the crime pass for the week. Feel free to lie about having been at the towers during 9-11.

Is that a crime? I don't feel like that's a crime unless it's like... If you profit from it in some fashion, potentially. Or if you purge yourself over it. Yes. So if you're in a courtroom... Yeah, and you're there for like petty theft. So the reason that I stole these cigarettes is that I was actually... I was in the South Tower. I was on American Airlines flight 92 I think it is. That's okay I'm I'm here now.

United Flight 93? I don't know. I knew it as soon as I said it it's gonna be some flight nerd. I was ready to be really impressed. You know, that specificity would have given that so much weight. Would have really given it a gravita. It would have been punchy and then you just sort of peter flatly. Oh, God. What a note to end a podcast on. The other crime pass for this week of course is to steal valor. Oh, yeah, if you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you if you you if you you if you you you you you you you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you can if you can th you can th you can th you can th thi thi thi thi thi thi to to to to to to to to to to to that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that. that. that. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. that's that's that's that's that. that week of course is to steal valor. Oh yeah if

you can find a convincing military uniform or war medals or even just have get a USMC tattoo and then sort of do that thing that Greases did in the 50s movies where they'd roll up a packet of smokes in their sleeve. So it reveals a USMC bicep tattoo. And then as soon as somebody asks about it, oh this? Yeah. I've got that one of my many tours of D. Yeah. You know, sometimes it feels like I never came back.

Still some valour claim to have won a purple heart maybe. And you know what, even if you want to do this on a small scale if you're traveling domestically on planes in the US, just where, you could buy one from a surplus store I guess, just wear US military uniform and board first on the plane. With a gun. With your service weapon. With your service weapon. Yep. And if you don't have your own service weapon, just take one from a small scale. th s small s small s small s small s small s small s small scale. th s small scale. th. th. th. th s small s small s small s small s small s small s small scale. th. If th. With a gun, yep. With your service weapon. Yep. And if you don't have your own service weapon, just take one from a cop. Your tax money pays for it. It's

your gun. Third crime fast for the week. Grab a cop's. No, that's not a crime. That's taxpayer-owned property, it's state owned property, just take the cop-service. It's not a crime. It's true. It's the ctrue. It's the c. It's the c. It's the c. It's the c. It's the c. It's the co. It's the cop. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's tha. It's tha. It's a cop. It's a cop. It's a cop. It's a cop. It's a cop. It's a cop. It's a cop. It's a cop. It's a cop. It's a cop. It's a cop. It's a cop. It's a cop. It's a cop. It's a cop. It's a cop. It's a cop. It's a cop. It's a cop. It's a cop. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's a cop. It's a co. It's a co. It's a co. It's a cop. It's a co. It's a cop. It's a cop. It's a cop. It's a cop. It's a cop. It's a co. It's not a crime. It's like going to a library. You can just walk in and take a book and walk out and it's no problem. Yep. So there you have folks. Thank you for joining us. As always, thanks for listening. If you would like an extra episode every single week, you can head on over to Patreon dot.

For it's a to'e v Sign up for five US dollars a month or even more if you would like additional rewards you can check all that stuff out we have merchandise at Bundavista dot com slash merchandise so yeah go on there check it out eat some soup steal some valor grab a cop's gun it's basically yours it is yours and we'll see you next week. Bye. Bye everybody.