Boonta Vista - EPISODE 142: ASBOlutely Fabulous

Episode Date: March 31, 2020

Riley from Trashfuture emerges from the post-apocalyptic London wasteland to issue an ASBO to the PM for contracting coronavirus. We predict the future of capitalism, cheer on the techbros saving us with Bitcoin, and treasure the joys of scientific discovery. *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Merchandise: boontavista.com/merchandise Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Welcome to Blountavista episode of 142. I'm Andrew and I'm here in the wild overgrown jungles of post-apocalyptic Britain. Just like in Day of the Trifids. Fun book. Fun book that one when you're not being blinded by a big shuffling plant. Uh, I'm here, there's lots of big overgrown double-decker buses and there, crawling out of the broken window of one, looking a little the worse for where, is Theo. Hello, Theo? Hey, how you're going. Now I bleed a lot, so this is a problem for me.

Both the glass and the context in general. You crawl through the broken window, door open right next to it. Yeah, okay, well look, I'm under a lot of stress right now as you can probably understand. So you've got to give me a little fucking leeway. And here, coming down the streets with big, spiky shoulder pads like the road warriors from, oh no I'm gonna get the name wrong. Is it the movie Road Warrior? Well, we all, we all know the movie Road Warrior.

I'm of course thinking of the W.W.E. tag team with their big spiky, it is the road warriors. Wearing a big spiky shoulder pads like the Road Warriors from the classic WWF team, the Road Warriors, and riding a large penny-farling bicycle, it's our friend from Trash Future, Riley. I actually note you were right the first time the spiky shoulder pads are from the movie The Road Warrior here in post-apocalyptic London, Madame Toussades has been unguarded so I've helped myself to these handsome wax shoulder pads from the movie The Road Warrior.

And what a movie. What a frighteningly impressive movie. We are now, the the looting has begun and no tretreasure of old classic cult movies is safe. Next, I'm going to steal the room from the room. What else could you steal from a movie? Theo, what kind of prop do you think you would most like to steal from a movie? Were it available to you? Oh, woof. Okay, so this is going to sound probably bad, but the immediate thought was the street pole

from the movie hereditary. Okay. Ooh, that's kind of grim. Oh, look, okay, you asked. And... Are you told? I figured you could probably track that's kind of grim. Oh, look, okay, you asked. And... Are you told? I figure you could probably track that down and steal that bad boy. Yeah.

And then, you know, use it to menace anyone who comes along. I've got another one. Yeah, it's very menacing. It's got a little sigil on it. The cube from the movie cube. Okay, you could put that in your room from the room. God, what a stupid concept that the room has a room you could steal. And place things in the room. I would, of course, steal the most valuable piece of movie memorabilia of all. The computer that was used to render the Navi in the film Avatar.

It's just a fetish thing for you. Yep, and then I would just use it to like play YouTube videos. That'll be about it? Yeah. So where did the collapse of Britain start? I think it was with Boris Johnson getting the coronavirus. I mean, you could really put that day to that the that the that that that to that the to to that to the that to the the to the the to the the the to the the the the the to was with Boris Johnson getting the coronavirus. I mean you could you could really put that date at a lot of different times. I mean you could say it was the it was the 2012 Olympics opening ceremony.

That's my claim anyway. I was going to say listeners of Trash Future will be well aware. Oh yes. This is pinpointed as the initial downfall of civilized society. Western society. That's right. It's like in that line of the Matrix, we bowed down and worship to ourselves as we gave birth to Danny Boyle doing a performance to the NHS. Oh, yeah. No, I, I, look, it's... here's to the NHS. Oh yeah. No, I look, it's, here's the thing.

Boris Johnson has coronavirus, yes, lots of people are focusing on that. But very few people are focusing on the fact that Matt Hancock, the most precious cabinet boy of all, the Labrador that they've put in charge, the Labrador that looks like a man that they've put in charge of the health and social care system in this country also has coronavirus and I can't have to say I genuinely wish him a speedy recovery he seems like a nice man. I just looked up his photo and he absolutely looks like every person that ever got yelled at on the thick of it. Uh-huh. That's right. Just just a the man the man the man the man the man the man the man th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I just th. I just th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi tho- th tho- th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th. th. th. th. th. th. the the th. thi. the thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the thi thi thi the thi on the thick of it. Uh-huh. That's right. Just a man built for eating shit.

One time, one time he ate a strupe waffle on live television, on like good morning Britain, like before he was good to be interviewed. No, it wasn't good morning Britain. I think it was Pierce Morgan and Susanna Reed. And then Pierce Morgan spent like five minutes ripping on him for eating a stroop waffle and then saying people should eat healthy. And he just said, well, if you eat, you can have a treat in moderation. All good boys can have treats. You can have a street waffle every now and then in it. Matt Hancock as a poor Victorian orphan. Just listlessly parcoring around the city, wishing his parents would come home. To listeners of your podcast, I'm obsessed, like, we are obsessed with Matt Hancock on Trash Future because when he was,

when he was the secretary for digital culture media and sport, which is a department here, he once did a promotional video where he did some amateur parkour in slow motion. It's so good. Hell yes. It's so cool. Okay, I'll send it to you. You can link that in this episode. Anyway, sorry, I've got to respect it.

I forgot. I'm talking about the before time. Before we all started wearing spiky shoulder pads that, thaaa, tha, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi.a, thi.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.augh, ta, too, too.a, thi, too, thi, thi time, before we all started wearing spiky shoulder pads that we looted for movies. Yes, coronavirus. It's quite the virus. And boy has it ever infected everyone who constantly goes on TV and Britain and tells you not to worry too much about the coronavirus. Strange irony, that's. All the Royals.

Yeah. So I might have all my timelines mixed up here Riley, so help me out here. So Boris Johnson was on record saying he's basically going out shaking hands, kissing babies and he's not going to stop and then he got coronavirus. Yes. That's that is correct yes. that is correct yes. And if you want to know thank you that's all my questions. Well it's like it's like in it's sort of like that thing with like Boris Johnson is like everyone's always a man of no principles whatever he is a man of principles. This is just the principles suck. Yeah, because he's very stupid principles. Yeah, he's a man of very stupid principles. What they're a man of principles. It's just the principles suck. Yeah, because he's got a stupid principles.

He's a man of very stupid principles. One of these principles is the idea that politicians should be glad-handing and performatively doing things. Like, in the, before we hosted the 2012 Olympics, he went on a zip line across the River Thames with some sparklers holding two Union Jacks and got stuck in the middle. Memories.

I know, remember that? That was fun. But it's part of his belief that he thinks that politicians should be showy and out in public and sort of like kind of sort of celebrities. And also his belief in sort of civil libertarianism. He doesn't think he's, he is loath to ever to ever to ever to ever to ever to ever to ever close to ever close to close close close close to close close close close close to close close close close to close close close to close close to close to close close close to close to close to close to close to close to close to close to close to close to close to close to close to close to close to close to close to close to close to close to close to close to close to close to close to close to close to close to close to close to close to close to close. to close. to close. to close. to close. to close. to close. to close. to close. to close close close close close close close close close close close close close close close close close close close close close close close close close close close close close close close close close close close close close close close close close close to close to close to close to close to close to close to close to close to close to close to close to close to close toose. Hea. He. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's close to close think he's he is loath to ever close down a business or like tell or tell people what they can and can't do socially. He's very happy to tell people they shouldn't pay their taxes and he's actually to be fair to him not as much of an authoritarian on crime as new labor was at all. Lull.

But regardless. So he has every single step of this lockdown. He has been fighting every single step of the way. And that sort of, I think, is mirrored in the fact that American boomers, the people who are most at risk of this getting ill from this, are saying, well, no. I mean, I'm a hugger. Yeah, that's, and that's why the villages now has, in Florida, now as riven with coronavirus. Hmm.

Yeah. I'm just going to put it out there. I already despised the I'm a hugger people before it was clear that I was going to catch a fatal disease from them. I always knew that they were going to kill me. I just didn't, I hadn't guessed it how? I got how wrong. Everything else. Spot on.

Yeah. In like, in like, 2047 Theo is going to be holding up both of his hands when people try to hug him saying, well, you never know. One other thing here as well is because like in Britain, the the the thiiiiiiiiiia. thia. thia, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho, thi. thi. tho, tho, tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. I th. I th. I th. I, I th. I, I th. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. I. I, I. I, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I, to. I. I, to. I, to, the. I'm, the. I'm, to, to, toe. I'm, toea. toea. toea.a. toea.a. toea. toea. tha. tha. I'm thea. I'm the. I'm the. One other thing here as well is because like in Britain, the first instinct is to always make everything a crime if you want to stop it. That's why in the new labor years there is this thing called an Asbo that they could hand you out which basically just means you're frightening the police. And they can basically... What? Yeah, if you're frightening the police.

The police are about... They only find you like that when they're very distressed. The police are effectively allowed to rule that whatever you specifically are doing is illegal, and if you do it again, then you have to go to jail. So it was used to criminalize groups of young black men standing around. Because the police could say, hey, you're standing around menacingly. If you stand around again I'll put you in jail. So basically allows the... It's loudish behavior. Yeah, it allows the police to legislate on the spot

essentially for you in particular. Jesus. So now what what's happened is they've criminalized, if you if the police that officer thinks you're coughing at them, they can arrest you. And the police also like are now using drones to patrol if people are actually staying inside their houses. So it's like Boris Johnson may feel like a civil libertarian, but ooh boy to police forces up and down the country not feel like that. Sorry, okay, I'm still stuck on Asbo. Here are some of the things.

We can talk about it for a bit. Here are some of the things that qualify for an Asbo. Arson? Okay, fair enough. Caseism? It's interesting. Shouldn't they have had an arson law before that? Seems like that one should already be covered then then then then then then thoing thoing thoing the thoing thoing thoing thoing is have been covered, but here we are. Dogging? Oh, you know what dogging is, right? Oh, I know what dogging is, I think.

Well, Wikipedia is describing as exhibitionist public sex. There we go. That's done between people in their 60s, almost always over the hood of a Nissan Micra in LA Buy. It's, it's, what the thing about dogging is that it's all, it's one of these things where usually, I think there's the, we like to imagine like nude beaches. This is like a ritualistic thing. Yeah, you like to, people, I think people like to imagine nude beaches and sex parties and stuff is happening between like young and attractive people, but do their been thought of as something that only sort

of old, gross people do and rainy, like, rest areas, and beside motorways. Just a few more. Littering slash fly tipping slash dog fowling. I'm sorry, what was the one in the middle name? Fly tipping. So, I feel like my favorite is dog-filing. But go on. Pushing over a vulnerable fly? What is...

That's right. Really? Oh, that's if you use a bin that's not yours. What? Really? Yeah. That's like an Australian custom. I know.

We refer to that in my house as playing the bin game. A lot of bins around London are locked because they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they A lot of bins around London are locked because they're like picked up by private garbage collectors so you can't put your garbage in there or else you someone else is going to be paying for you to throw out your garbage. What a fucking nightmare land. Oh so it's more like dumpsters than like somebody's somebody's olden. Also it's illegal to put your tin of diet coke there into someone else's bin.

Hi mom, I'm just reading from Keep Britain tidy dog. Fly Tippin is a serious criminal offence. In it. Fly tip and come on now. So if you're on your way to go gather and group menacingly while waiting for your turn at the dogging station. Make sure... Throwing you Snickers wrapper onto the ground. Which is just the three-wheeled car from Mr. Bean.

Yeah, if you're Mr. Bean and you're on your way to go get your dick sucked outside of Swindon, make sure you don't do any arson or fly tipping. Yeah. Okay. And one, I think is the most the most the most the most thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to the to to to to to to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go. I to go. I to go. I to go. I to go. I to go. I to go. I to go. I to to to to to to to to to to too. too. too. the. the. the. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. to. to. to. to. We. to. tothink, is the most British thing to be against the law, rudeness. Yeah. Cool, anyway. That's the only one that's the only one that's punishable by execution. Yeah, failing to, failing to curtsy a four of the queen, the, um, the bob east thee their trucks wille, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' they, they, tho' they, tho' they, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, they, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, beat you within an inch of your leather. My goodness, well they have already given new powers to police here to enforce social distancing so the New South Wales

police can now give you a thousand dollar on-the-spot fine for flouting social distancing laws. Victoria has won up them by doing a $1,600 fine. Except the New South Wales police because they are the New South Wales police. They don't need to know what the laws are to enforce them. They just kind of need an idea. They need to have half heard some words while they were listening to a morning briefing. More is more of a feeling, man. Yeah, yeah. It's more of a kind of a kind of need an idea. They need to have half heard some words while they were listening to a morning briefing. What was more of a feeling, man. Yeah, yeah, it's more of a kind of, you hear some key phrases and then you go out

and you interpret the law, you know? So they've already been out there apparently giving people $1,000 for like standing too close to their own husband in like line to pay for something? Oh yeah, the British police have been doing this as well. Yeah. And you know what this really, you know what this puts me in mind of? In what piece of fiction is a lawyer, a judge, a judge and a police officer wrapped up in the same person? Judge Dred. It's Judge Dred. It's Judge Dred. It's Judge Dred. Corridd. It's has a the judge, a their their their their. A their. A theiri. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A thiiioli. th. Judge Dred. It's Judge Dred. They're all Judge Dred. Corona virus has turned every cop into Judge Dred. Judge Durie and executioner. Oh he's being rude in it. Blam, blam, blam. Oh he's got illegal coronavirus. I think he's coughing into that bin, he. Oh he's coughing into that bin,

in he. Coughing into someone else's bin. That's coughing near me. Oh, he's coughing into that bin, isn't he? Coughing into someone else's bin. That's not your bin. Oh my goodness, so yeah, we are already getting there. Of course, some other things are changing as well. So the New Start allowance, which in Australia is for, you know, the doll colloquially, except conservative governments and the labor government as well over preceding years have done.

They're absolutely best to make sure that it's not actually, you know, welfare for people who are not currently employed. Instead, it's a job-seeker allowance, which means that you have to be proving to them through your quote-unquote mutual obligations that you are looking for an appropriate number of jobs and attending an appropriate number of meetings and all these sorts of things in order to qualify for your pittance that they throw to you. Oh yeah we do the same thing. Yep so the UK much like Australia has suddenly been hit with a massive wave of unemployment

due to all of the businesses that are closing down as a result of coronavirus. So they have now introduced, so one of the things they initially did was they effectively doubled the new start allowance, which a lot of people like the Australian Unemployed Workers Union have been pushing to have raised for years now. It's basically... Are you saying it's gone from a pittance to tuppence? Jesus Christ. Tupins for your murder? It's a reference to last week's a good episode title. And a threat. So yeah, basically they've been able to immediately in one fell swoop double that amount. People haven't been able to get it raised by anything for however long.

And Stuart Robert, notorious Dipshit MP for Services, rendering services, was on Alan Jones's show and he was like, oh yeah, but you know, there's all these people out there lining up to claim unemployment and they're all people who've looked after themselves, their whole lives and been totally independent, you know. So basically, right off the bat, they've immediately gotten into their deserving poor and their undeserving poor routine. So this is an employment is different. So if your business closes, if your employer closes down because, you know, maybe

they're like, move all the jobs to another country, that's because you didn't work hard enough. But if your employer closes down, and you work at a water park, and it's because of the virus, then that's an act of God. And these two things are different. Well, what's wildest about this is not just that they increased new start, but they increased it by so much for all of the all of the people who are suddenly

Eligible for it They increased it by so much that anybody who was previously working on minimum wage and has now gone on to the new new start payment will be getting a pay rise Oh, good. Yeah, which is absolutely good They've also just announced today and bear in mind, you know by the time you hear this episode. Maybe this thi. this will have, this, th, this, this, th th th th thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, thi, thi,ir their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi thi thea thea today today thea. today thea. thea. thea thea thea thi thi their their their to employers so that they can give their employees or people that they've had to just let go as a result of the pandemic. They can give them $1,500 of fortnight and basically say, we're going to keep you on the payroll and we'll pay you through this subsidy. And I said as well that if employers can't afford to, that they should put some money on top of that and th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. their their their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. And, th. And, tho, tho, tho, the, their, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th......... And, th.... And, th.... And, th.. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, the, the, the. And, too. And, too. And, tooooooo. And, too. And, the. And, the. And, the. And, the. And, the. And they said as well that if employers can't afford to, that they should put some money on top of that and try and get you as close to your previous wage

as they could. And I'm sure they all are. Oh yeah, well, I mean, this has been reflected by the government's attitude in suggesting that people just sit down with their landlords and work out an arrangement. Oh, that's just sit down with their landlords and work out an arrangement. Oh, that's like when... For the coming months. Boris Johnson here, I guess his brain was addled by sickness at this point. When asked a question by a journalist about profiteering, he said, I would be very disappointed if anyone profiteered.

Oh, you'd hate to see it. It's simply hate to see it. Ooh! Now, we're not going to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make the ca to make to make to make the ca to make to make to make to make the cate a to make to make the to make a to make a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to make it a category that'll give you an Asbo, but ooh. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's funny because they could actually say, hey, if you do that, we will send you to jail. But strangely enough, they always stop short.

Right of that. No, we've got a long history of our politicians going, like, guys, if you do the wrong things... Oh, to, th th to, to, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to too, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, too.o. Oh, too. Oh, too. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, too.o. Oh, too. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, they always stop short right of that. We've got a long history of our politicians going like, guys, a few businesses, if you do the wrong thing on this, mate, mate, look, look, look, look, mate, if you don't, if you, look, any of this funny business, you businesses, we'd hate to see it, and, uh, I'm gonna get one worked up. If the reserve bank lowers the interest rates and you guys play silly buggers and don't pass it on your customers, I just, oh, oh, oh, you know what, worse than any punishment

we could give you is the knowledge that you didn't do the right thing. Yes. There is nothing worse actually than when your prime minister says I'm not mad. I'm just un-actionably disappointed. Yeah. Yeah. It's when he tells business to, hey, smarten up. Hey, hey, come on, man. Take a look at yourself. That's not good stuff. Put down that sack of money. Take a look at yourself in the mirror. So if I can add one other thing, we also did the same thing with our landlords, where they said, look, we're going to do a mortgage holiday for all the landlords,

and then we expect the landlords and the tenants to have a discussion about what they can do. And then everyone was like, hey, that's not enough. So they said, fine, fine, fine, what we're going to do is we're going to say, if you lost your job due to coronavirus, you can suspend your rent for three months and then pay it all back then. Because we're assuming everyone's going to get a tripling in wage when they come back because everyone's going to have a big economy is the economy, the economy, the economy, the economy, the economy, the economy, the economy, the economy, the economy, the economy, the economy, the economy, the economy, the economy, the economy, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, tho, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to have a big, the economy is back party. Yeah, so when I don't have enough money to eat, what I like to do is not eat a bunch of meals and then at the end, have a, the Brian Butterfield Day, just have one big meal. Do it all at once.

It's basically like, it's Mardi Gras, but for economy. So, you know, obviously a lot of people have looked at some of these things that are happening and said, hey, the speed with which you responded to this and said, oh, all these normal people who aren't fucking poor scum are out of work, and they can't live on that, they can't live on what we're giving to the dregs of our society, we better, we better, we're to dothe dregs of our society, we better, we better do something about that. The speed with which they were able to do that kind of made a lot of people like us say, huh, it's almost like you could have been doing that the whole time. And there's some other examples of that that we're seeing around the place, including in the UK, where it says from the Guardian broadband providers to lift data caps during COVID-19 lockdown.

All data allowance caps on current fixed broadband services will be removed in a deal struck by the government and teleco companies to help vulnerable people stay connected through the pandemic. The companies have pledged that anyone who is struggling to pay their bill due to the pandemic will be treated fairly and appropriately supported the Department for Digital Culture, Media and sport. That's right. Formerly headed up by parkour demon Matt Hancock. So number one it's very funny to me that you have data caps on your on your broadband there. Very quite very few actually have this.

I like somebody comes over there. I've never had one. I've never had one with one thousand. Yeah, you'd hate to be, um, you hate to be jacking off to some internet porn and be like, oh no, my minutes. I'm using up on the minutes. Oh, so, I'm going to download this topless car wash scene in 420P to do my part. All right, ladies, there's a primate, a Plymouth prowler that needs a little bit of attention. And don't forget to get in under the wheel wells. Ah, you've gone and spilled the bucket

of soap all over your white t-shirt. Oh, it stopped loading. Well, it's a pandemic. Oh, hit my limit. Well, there's always next memery. Remember when you had to just imagine things? I guess. The old. All right.

All right. All right. the things. Remember what you used to have to imagine stuff? Yeah. Yeah, kind of. Barely. Barely.

So there has also been, this is from a publication that I can only imagine is beloved by both of our listener bases, Rail Freight.com. They will not shut up that, doesn't she? They will not shut up about it on our Discord. U.K. partial rail nationalization to battle coronavirus. The UK has partially nationalized its railways as a temporary measure battling the coronavirus crisis. Rail freight remains in commercial hands while the UK government has taken charge of the Passenger Rail Network. All commercial franchisees have been suspended for at least six months from today, given

that the infrastructure manager network rail is a government agency, that leaves freight as the most significant commercial operation on the British Railway Network. Tell you what, I started Andy Deprescence about 10 days ago and I think it just kicked in. Here's the thing though. You'd expect, I think, all of the sort of cynical pieces of shit who've been like talking about how, oh, the labor manifesto is impossible, it's bizarre, it'll make us Venezuela or whatever, are now like that a conservative government is doing it, are responding to it pretty well.

And yeah, you know what else? That's actually not true. They're still concern trolling about how this is like partially nationalizing the rail network during a pandemic is going to turn us into Venezuela. Yeah. Yeah. Like there's, they're, keeping it real. This is not universal. I mean, the massive, the budget that first announced this sort of set of coronavirus measures and so on, announced by Rishi Sunak. The Daily Mail drew a gigantic, slightly horny cartoon of him holding a big syringe of money and called him Dr. Feelgood. But like, a lot, a lot of the op-ed writers are now sort of mirroring the Trump position because

they know that Trump is the much stronger pull on the conservative movement than Boris Johnson is generally, especially now that Brexit is more or less settled. Although it's almost certainly going to have to be extended because everyone is ill. They all got notes from the doctors. Anyway, they're like now being like, oh, don't treat broadband as a utility. Don't close stuff down. Ah, it's Venezuela, it's just the flu, Venezuela. You know, meanwhile, Venezuela is actually responding very well to this crisis,

of course. Anyway, I think it's very interesting. People like Daniel Hannon are saying that like, giving people,, the people, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be, to be, to be, to be to be to be to be, to be to be to be to be to be to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, the, the, to be to be their, to be to bea, to bea, to bea, toe., toe. Wea, toe. Wea, the. Wea, like people like Daniel Hannon are saying that like giving people, replacing people's wages during the crisis is akin to the Anona in ancient Rome, which was a distribution of free grain to people in Rome. Oh, yeah. There was another guy who said the exact same thing who was an American author and he posted, he got called out by Mike Duncan, the exact same thing who is an American author and he posted, he got called out by Mike Duncan.

The guy that... It's the same guy. Same guy. Oh, wonderful. And then he posted his own book. Yeah, he posted his own book. Oh, have a look at this. This is two and a half star on Amazon.

And immediately got dunked on by Mike Duncan with his own history of Rome book, God bless him. It's because the British upper class, especially those that have come through like Eton and Oxbridge and stuff, are sort of groomed to be able to always high road anybody because everyone in Britain just defers to them. And so anytime they interact with someone who's just not going to defer to them, and they try to high road them with like their self-published pamph............... And, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th..... And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, to. And, to. And, toe. And, toe. And, toe. And, toe. And, toe. And, toe. And, toe. And, toe. And, th. And, their, th. And, to defer to them, and they try to high road them with like their self-published pamphlet on why like, you know, the ancient Egyptian pharaohs were akin to like the Mark Zuckerberg of today or whatever, then they just constantly embarrass themselves. Any time they get out of their soft play area

that is this is clearly a thing that's going to need to continue in in more and more significant ways like governments are going to have to continue to step in and say we simply cannot let hundreds of thousands or millions of people be put out into the street. We can't let hundreds of thousands of people starve to death. America seems like it's gonna. Well yeah I mean like that's the that's the comparison is that that country has reached a point of everybody's meant to be looking out for themselves and private health care is magically meant to be taken care of everything and they're the ones with the skyrocketing new cases and they're also kind of not thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi's thi's thi. thi's thi's thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. We's thi. We's thi. We'll thi. thi. taken care of everything and they're the ones with the skyrocketing new cases and they're also kind of not testing anybody which indicates that the actual cases that they have are probably far, far, far beyond that.

And we had Trump today saying, hey, if, what was it that he said he was talking about the percentage of the population, so saying, you saying you know if it was fatal then it could be up to however many millions of deaths so if we're able to get out of it with only like 100 to 200,000 deaths you can say that we've done a really really good job so so because he loves he loves numbers and a million is a really big number and a hundred thousand is like a medium number because he only thinks in terms of scale. The only numbers he has a detailed, the only numbers he has a detailed view on are TV ratings,

which he's been suggesting is the reason why the media is criticizing him is because his press conferences are getting way better ratings akin to the season finale of The Bachelor than any of their coverage. That's the main thing that the media are concerned about. He's taking my ratings. The other thing I find very, oh my ratings, he's taken them along with this movie memorabilia. The other main thing I think is really interesting is that lots of people like, oh China is falsifying their numbers. We can't trust them. Don't take any aid from China.

And it's like, why do you think the US and Britain didn't test anyone for so long? That's another way to keep your numbers artificially low. Absolutely. And yeah, so I think America we can look at and say, here is the case of a country that has spent as long as possible just basically, you know, hand waving this away and saying this isn't really a thing and it'll probably sort itself out. It clearly is a thing that is not sorting itself out and requires massive intervention. We can see the countries where there has been massive

intervention have been having the most impact, but it's still obviously nobody has any idea of how long any of this is going to go on for at this point. What if it is actually going very well in the US and it isn't going very well in any of those other countries? And this is just being made up by CNN because they're jealous of Trump's ratings. What do you think the chances of that are 20, 40%%? I will apologize I apologize apologize apologize apologize apologize apologize apologize apologize apologize apologize apologize apologize apologize apologize apologize apologize to apologize to apologize to apologize to apologize to apologize I apologize I apologize I apologize I apologize I will apologize to apologize I will apologize to apologize I will apologize to apologize to apologize to apologize. I will apologize. I will to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. I. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. to. to. to, to, to, to, thi. to, to Donald Trump on the show if that is the case.

So I guess what I wanted to ask you for in a very non-committal prediction kind of way is what do you sort of see happening as ironically lots of conservative governments are being forced into this position of acknowledging that actually a government can just look after people and actually money is just kind of made up and national debt isn't really a problem and you can effectively just write a big blank check for yourself. You can commit to spending however much money it's going to take. Governments can nationalize rail services, they can produce theirtake. Governments can nationalize rail services, they can produce their own medicine, they can, you know, pour massive amounts of money

into their health services. What's going to happen on the other side of this? What happens when we get to a point of saying, okay, things are starting to get back to normal, and now we're going to like, you know, sell the railways again? And, okay, thi, thi, thi, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, th, th th th to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their th. th. th. th, th, th, th, to to to to to to to to to th, to th, th, th, their th, their th, their th, their thi, their the, the, the, the, the, their the, their theee, their theate, their their their their their their thin, thin, thin back to normal and now we're going to like, you know, sell the railways again and everybody can go back to paying a shitload of money to travel on the train and you can all go back to getting jarred on your rent and everybody can go back to, you know, like the new start allowance here to me is going to be the ultimate example. I find myself wondering, is our government going to to then get to the point the point the point the point the point, the point, the point, the point, the point, the point, the point, the point, the point, to, the point, to, the point, the point, the point, to, the point, the point, the point, the, the, the the the the, the, the the the the the to to to, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, raira, raiile, the, raiia, the, raiia, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the new start allowance here to me is going to be the ultimate example. I find myself wondering, is our government going to then get to the point of sort of going back to normal and saying, oh well, you know, it's kind of there now. Or are they actually going to say, well, time to take, like, drop it back down to below

the poverty line. What can possibly happen past this point? Well, okay, a few things. Number one, there's this long-standing theory that when you create entitlement programs, they create constituencies around themselves. So that's why it was relatively simple for the conservative movement in the US to effectively gut Obamacare because it wasn't an big, obvious entitlement that people got and understood and that they rallied around. That's why it's very difficult. It's taken like 40 years of sustainable frontal assault for conservatives to try to cut and privatize the NHS in Britain, and they

still really haven't managed to sort of get the bulk of it. So the question is, are these entitlement programs going to have created around coronavirus, going to have created constituencies around themselves such that they're very difficult to reduce now that it's been shown to be possible? I mean, you can't dismiss out of hand the idea that like you could use this to say, okay, well, we've spent's the their th........ th. So, th. So, th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thr-a, thr-a, thr-a, the, thr-a, the their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they, they, they, they, they, they, they, thr-s, thr. thr. thr. today, today, today, today, today, tha. today, tha. tha. the. the. th. th. th. th. that like you could use this to say, okay, well, we've spent a ton of money, time to go back to hyper austerity, but that's just one end of it. So I say, I've said on trash future, like capitalism as we know it is over. It doesn't mean capitalism is over. It doesn't mean austerity is over. It means the sort of free flow of capital with low government interest rates with lots of competing firms and so

and so on is probably over and we're going to see a much more clientalist, feudalistic state capital vision of the future because we can just support, we can put the state is allowed to pick winners and support them using expansive monetary policy. So that's my sort of grim prediction. The extent to which these programs create and mobilize constituencies around themselves, the extent to which it's understood that homelessness is a political choice because like most all councils have been instructed to house all rough sleepers. So it's like, oh, so we could have just done that, huh? We just didn't. You know, the, the narrative that austerity was a political choice is now no more clear than

ever, but just making that narrative clear is not enough to end to end the sort of logic of austerity forever. So to answer your question, I mean, I fundamentally don't know, but there's one thing that I do know. So I don't know, I just know the metric the metric the metric the metric the metric the metric the metric the metric the metric the metric the metric the metric the metric the metric the metric the metric the metric the metric the metric the metric the metric the metric the metric the metric the metric the metric the metric the metric the metric the metric the metric thoe the me the me that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that tho tho tho tho tho that tho that tho that that that that that that tho that that that that that that that tho that that tho that tho tho tho thooo thoooooooooooooooooooo, thoooooo.o.s, that's that's that's that's that's that's one thing that I do know. So I don't know, I just know the metric by which we can know if it will be a good outcome or not. But here's one thing I do know, which is that having beaten back their left populist challengers, and unfortunately I have to eat shit in my prediction that labor will still be a relatively left-wing party because of its large membership. Nope, we got beaten, the election and then it looks like the membership has basically been cowed into voting for Kirstarber because Rebecca Long Bailey just isn't inspiring the

kind of like a political involvement that Corbyn did. Kier Starmer has picked Rachel Reeves as his likely cabinet secretary who in two likely shadow chancellor who said in 2013 that labor isn't the party of unemployed people and would be tougher on benefits than the Tories and so it's the same thing that is picking Joe Biden as the Democratic nominee where the only defenders of neoliberalism as we knew it that existed from 1980 to 2008 slash 2020 left are going to be labor and democratic parties. Because they're losers.

Yeah, I think that's about right and you know it seems to be about the same here. Same sort of thing as always. I mean, there's been so many points here of things that have clearly needed to happen, where the Labour Party would have been in a great position to say, hey, look at you suddenly raising New Start because you're acknowledging that people can't actually live on what you've been paying them on New Start. We committed before the election to raising New Start. We would have already had this in place. But instead, their commitment was, we pledge to at some point in the first year of being elected do a review of New Start entitlements.

Just absolutely weak bullshit. And I feel like a lot of it is like that across the board. It's exactly what you're talking about with, yeah, just the general neoliberal flavor of most of the things thinks of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of, we of, we the the the the the of of, we the, we of the, we of of, we of, we the, we the, we of, we of, we wee. We wee. We wee. We wee, we wee, we wee, we wee, we wee, we wee, we wee, we wee, we wee, we wee, we wee, we wee, we wee, we the, we the, we the, we the, we the, we the, we the the the the, we the the the the the, we the, we the, we the the, we the the, we the they thee, we they they they they they they the the the the the, we the, we the, we It's exactly what you're talking about with, yeah, just the general neoliberal flavor of most of the things that Labor put forward as policies before the election, even if they were good, they were still so means-tested and specific in such a tight little bracket of something where it was like, you know, we'll introduce dental care on Medicare for people over 60 and like cancer treatment in these specific scenarios. And again, it's like you're saying about Obamacare. It's not something people can look at and say, if I support that party, then everybody

in the country gets this, this one thing I can point at and say, I understand that. I understand it and I understand who gets it. And they didn't commit to any of those things. Instead it was all these little mean-tested bits of weirdness. And so now, while, you know, while the Liberal Party, while the Conservatives are turning around and saying, we're doubling New Start, we're giving money to employers to keep people employed, we're, you know, the th...... the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. And, th. And, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, th. And, th. And, th. And, thin, thin, thin. And, thin. And, thin. And, thin. And, thin. And, thin. And, thin. And, thin. And, thin. And, thi. And, th, you know, talking to people about rental obligations and all this sort of stuff. They don't have anything that they can turn around and point to and say, we were already trying to do that. We were the party that was already trying to set all these things in motion. Theythere with their thumbs up their ass is going. Yeah. And that's that's about it. That's all the got. Basically, just doing the thing that they've been

trying but failing to do for 10 years, it's this like out deficit hawking the right-wing parties. Hey, they finally get a chance to do it and have it be real. It's like they got their wish. They got to point out a genuine hypocrisy and they genuinely got to be right and pointing at how the other side is wrong and the other side and all their majestic wrongness is giving people stuff. Now sure, these governments are trying to fix things, but governments can't fix things by themselves. You know who they need? They need millionaires. They need startups. They need ingenuity. Hey, millionaires, Andrew, please, try thinking a little bit bigger. And that's right. What I'm saying we need is a literative with the word bigger.

T, thio. T vista. Theo, who is here to save us? Look I'm gonna rattle through these really quickly, one to just try and get a density of annoyance in Riley because that's that's a goal to have but two because I really want to get to the story at the end of this as well. Yes. Are we are we, are we, are we, is this a the thi thrown th th th th th th th th th th th th the the th the th the the the the the the the the theat theat theat. theat. theat. theat. the. the. theat. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the. the. the. the th story at the end of this as well. Yes. Yes. Are we... Is this a competition to see if I can be driven madder than the day-rave episode? Oh, I cannot, I can't hope to compete with that. I'm very sorry. That's a lofty goal. That's a long, that's a long road. But, look, absolutely, so the tech, the the the the the the the the the tech, tech, tech, the tech, the tech, the tech, the tech, the tech, tech, tech, tech, the tech, the tech, tech, the tech, the tech, the tech, the tech, the tech, the tech, the tech, the th. to, th. th. th. thoomomoomoomoomomoomomomorrow, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to. to, to. to. to, to, to. to. to, to. to, to, to, to. to, to. to, to. to, to. to. to, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. too. to. the too. too. too. too. too. to. to. to. to. to, is, is, absolutely, so the tech bros, they've all gotten together and they've done

the one thing that they, two things I'm going to say, two things that they know how to do. One, Facebook, Microsoft, Twitter, Wichet, Tick-Tot, Pinterest, Slack and Giffy, all putting together a hackathon to solve the coronavirus pandemic. What video sharing it, what video sharing service is going to help with this other than one that is so good that it gets people to stay at home? I don't know. So Mark Zuckerberg says, I'm hopeful that some useful prototypes and ideas will come out of this. Features like blood donations and crisis response were first built during hackathons and now used by millions of people worldwide. And here's the thing, we already know the fucking things that we need. You just ask people, hey, what do you

need? And they tell you, and then you go and do it. There's this whole layer of obfuscation that if you get a whole bunch of people with absolutely no domain knowledge with epidemiology to all sit in their individual horrible rooms over a Zoom chat that they're all gonna type in a keyboard and somehow, you know, be the one to solve coronavirus is maddening to me. But of course it is the one of the o only two things that they know how to do. The other thing they know how to do is use blockchain.

Yes. So here's some headlines I hated from Forbes. Oh no. Five ways blockchain can unblock the coronavirus medical supply chain. Block for this from Govtec. Blocchain emerges as useful tool in fight against coronavirus. I read it and it doesn't. I'm pretty sure we're still waiting for it to emerge as a useful tool of some kind, aren't

we? I didn't know that you could somehow use a blockchain as a replacement for a ventilator. You can't use blockchain as a replacement for anything. But we will keep trying... Especially money it turns out. But wait, what if you just, what if you want to pump a lot of CO2 into the atmosphere in exchange for some delicious heroin? Absolutely. Or a murder? And from Finne extra, which is a very different site from Findem Extra, so careful of your bookmarks, blockchain and coronavirus. Could it prevent future pandemics? Question mark?

The answer is no. No. No is the answer. Well, maybe. I don't know. What if the pandemic is a pandemic of useful applications of a distributed ledger technology? Yeah. What if, Riley, then how stupid would we look?

I also want to do, because I know, not the last one, the episode, so, look, that's the try and, that. the too on the episode so look that's fine doesn't matter but you know you guys did a good good bit on we work I thought I'd just do a quick quick update there as well because this all ties in as we all know we work is fucked anyway they had a failed IPO they've got no money but even still they were like well you know, it beats having no money, is having less money by doubling the amount of locations for some reason.

So they planned this year, 2020, to double the amount of locations that they have open. Well, let's see how that works out. So as of close to a week ago, they still had most of their locations open. And here's where it all comes full circle. At the time, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, th they, th th th week ago, they still had most of their locations open. And here's where it all comes full circle. At the time, they were offering $100 per day bonus for We Work employees to come into the office. Paying money to spread the pandemic, baby. Huh, they were.

One of their, one of their new investors with Mr. C-virus. All right that boring shit is out of the way. I'm on the C-virus diet. It's time to get on to the article that I've been waiting the whole time. This is from the Guardian this is from a dear friend of the show Narmann Shoe. Astrophysist gets magnets stuck up nose while in the whole time. This is from the Guardian, this is from a dear friend of the show, Narmann-Jew. Astrophysicist gets magnets stuck up nose while inventing coronavirus device. Yeah, that's right. Have you seen this? Oh, yes.

I'm, for a context, I'm, I'm quarantining in my girlfriend's family's house in West London. And yes, the mother just sent to the WhatsApp chat of the quarantine called quarantine, which is very sweet. A screenshot of that article with the crying laughing emoji. And yes, she was right to do so. She was right to do so. Uh-huh. But you haven't read it yet. No, I have not yet read it. I've only seen it. Let's go for a journey then. So this astrophysicist was admitted to hospital after getting four magnets stuck up his nose in an event, an attempt to invent a device

that stops people from touching their faces during the coronavirus outbreak. A delicious bit of irony there because I believe he wound up touching his face a great deal during this process. Absolutely, in many horrible ways. So he was building a necklace that sounds an alarm on facial contact. So he, this is a 27 year old guy studies pulsars and gravitational waves and he was livening up the boredom of self-isolation with the four powerful neodymium magnets and look absolutely identify with him there I've got some magnets in the cupboard

now that I am considering putting up my nose. Just to liven things up. Yeah you know you have a few friends over have a couple of drinks you know see how thing go, and then someone gets out the magnets and you all put them up your nose. That's right. So you put this thing together, detects a, you know, electromagnetic field, changes, standard sort of stuff. But he fucked up, initially, and then he fucked up a whole bunch of times more.

So initially, he had, he built it all wrong and he accidentally invented a necklace that buzzes continuously unless you move your hand close to your face. Yeah, so he said everything is okay alarm. He accidentally invented the everything's fine alarm from the Simpsons? There was this, I think the least of his mistakes though. He scrapped that idea and was still a bit bored playing with the magnets. The same logic as clipping pegs to your ears, he says. I clipped them to my earlobes and then clip them.

Hold on, hold on. I would just like to point out how he, so he has framed this entire thing in talking to the paper as I have become a victim, I've become a patard victim as a result of my noble attempts to cure the world of the coronavirus. Now about halfway through, we have very quickly established he has not solved the problem at all. He has completely abandoned the pursuit and is now just kind of playing with the magnets. Yes. The attempts to solve coronavirus have stopped by this point and I think the fact that he has tried to link the two together is a little presumptuous on his part.

It's the ideas process though you need this free flow of kind of thought and ideas. So much like one would clip pegs to your ears. He clipped them to his nostrils and then, so he clipped one to one nostril and then clipped the other pair to the other nostril. So you can see where this is about to go wrong. Okay, so far so good, you've got one pair, one pair. He then removed the exterior magnets and the interior magnets clipped together on either side of his what would that be called septum septum I'm gonna say did he want that to happen no I think it

might have been part of the ideas process possibly possibly I don't I'm sorry I can't be outraged or enraged it this guy. This is this is this is mad rules. Yeah he's a mad scientist he's sweet. This like honestly I think for everyone that's like ever ended up in an ER with you know something stuck in your bottle or whatever this guy is it's absolutely the same region it doesn't matter. And he's civic-minded he's he's not like one of those gentle perverts that has to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go th. th. th. this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. this is is. this is. this is. this is. this is. this is. this. this. this. this. this. this. this guy is, it's absolutely the same region. It doesn't matter. And he's civic-minded. He's not like one of those gentle perverts that has to go get something removed from their anes. He genuinely wanted to help.

He's just, he's just a mad scientist. All respect to this man. I'd rather, I have told the story of how, one of my ears, if I like press on my ear, it just kind of folds in half like it's on a hinge because the cartilage is like snapped in a clean line all the way through. And the reason for this is that when I was a teenager, doing teenager stuff, I don't know if I've told the story on the podcast before. I realized that like the washing machine when it was on a spin cycle, you could like hold the lid open and just put your finger in where the little tab on the lid goes

and it would keep going and you could look inside. I'm standing there. I'm standing there. Oh wait, oh wait, are you permanently 10? Uh, hold on, hold on. So, so I'm looking inside, just mesmerized by this extremely fastly spinning, uh, drum of a, of a clothes washer. And some part of my brain goes, I wonder what happened if I stuck something in there. The nearest thing to hand was a broom. I pick up the broom and just slowly,

slowly gingerly like a scientist, like a scientist, gently probing, just stick the tip the broom into the washing machine. Writing down purpose, hypothesis, method, materials. The broomstick makes contact with some laundry is immediately caught and then spins at something like a similar speed to the drum in which I have inserted it and smashes me in the side of the head with the top half of the broom. Well hey that's science. It's very hard. The science you know? Well some people have to make the sacrifices in order to save the world like our brave scientist friend here.

Yeah, that's all. So I had a big cauliflower here for a while. And now my ears just permanently broken in half. Because you were like, I wonder what would happen if I, hey, I'm going to check out the spin cycle. Hey, hey, honey, cancel the Netflix subscription. We've got to, a whole decade of entertainment here. Hey, can we put the light load on tomorrow? We've got to, a whole decade of entertainment here. Hey, can we put the light load on tomorrow?

Oh, you thought that wasn't all? No, it's interactive. Watch this. I'm going to see what happens. It's broom time, baby. I'm going to see what happens. Well, what else you can discover? You want to talk about another source of entertainment. I have to tell you this you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii thi thi their theiring you theiring you thoomorrow theiring you theto talk about it. You want to talk about another source of entertainment. I have to tell you this, I'm picturing you doing all of this in a white lab coat.

Yes, as you should be. Also discover you could do the same thing with the dryer, right? You just stick your finger in a little hole. I'm assuming this before. I was going to say was this after. Well I reckon it was before. So you know you know like you know like you know like at a say say a fair ground or some type such thing with amusements that sort of thing. Oh do I know about amusements? do you know about amusements? They will have to have like a tunnel that has a walkway along it and the tunnel they will have like a tunnel that's amusement th you's fine. Give me an ass, bro.

They'll have like a tunnel that has a walkway along it, and the tunnel spins around the outside, and it makes you feel like you're losing your balance as you're going through. Okay, yeah, that sounds pretty amusing. Yeah, if you open up an empty clothes dryer, but keep it running and stick your head inside and stare at the center of it. After a middle or two, if you then step out of the dry area, your brain will be very discombobulated. And you will stagger around.

I'm Andrew Law and this is the laundry. Sorry, I don't do the impression of you, but it came out British. So many hours in the laundry. Welcome to J Yes, I'm Andrew Law and this is laundry day. Jackass, oh my god. So Theo, we've established that the science has ended at this point and the man is just having fun. But he is not halfway done yet. So he's got one in each nostril. He then is out of idea. So he looks up one in each nostril.

He then is out of idea. So he looks up a YouTube video. And there was an 11-year-old boy who had the same problem. And the solution was more magnets. It's going well when the only other person you can find is fucked this up and needs help as an 11-year-old. So you put them on the outside and to offset the pull from the inside so you know you want to pull him apart so

he's got him on the outside he's pulling downward to try and remove the magnets they clip onto each other he loses his grip and then two magnets shoot up his left nostril. So we're up to three magnets in the left nostril. he thin tho th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thus th thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus this thus thus thus thus this this this tho this tho this tho this th th thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus th th thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the the the the nostril, one magnet in the right nostril. He then attempts to use pliers to pull them out, but they become magnetized by the magnets in his nose. Every time I brought the pliers close to my nose, my entire nose would shift towards the pliers and then the pliers would stick to the magnet. And then he goes to the hospital. So the hospital's not doing

anything right now. Crucially. No the hospital they've got nothing better. It's so good that he was trying to help with the whole thing and he's like by the way I need you to take some time to sort out the many many magnets up inside my nose... I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I'm the the the to the to the to to to the the to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the the the th. I th. It th. It's th. It's th. It's the. It's the. I the. I was just just just try. I try. I try. I try. I the. I the. I'm the. It's the. It's the. It's the way, I need you to take some time to sort out the many, many magnets up inside my nose. Yeah, I'm just trying to help. So I was doing some science when... Anyway, you know the old lady that's swallowed a fly? Mm-hmm. So they get up there. They anesthetize his nasal passage.

They get up there. They get the three out thin to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the to the the the to to the to the the the to the their magnets to their their to their to to to their to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. I I I I I. I. I I, their. I I I I I I, their their their their their their their their their their their their. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I need. I need. I need. tie.they get the three out from the left hand nostril and then the one that's left in the right hand nostril having nothing else to to hold it falls down the back of his throat. Yeah that's just that's class a classic problem with this kind of thing you know. Well I mean every time. It's like a cliche you know you get three magnets out one falls down the back of your throat th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. time. It's like a cliche, you know, you know, you get three magnets out, one falls down the back of your throat, you know? It's like that life. It's like, hey, first it's not, it's too magnetized and then it's not magnetized enough. Make up your mind. Am I right? So he then proceeds to cough up the magnet and he's done at this point. I think, and I think, look, what he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's the to to to thirty to thirty to to to thi. thi. the. thirty. to to to to to to to to to to to to he's done at this point. I think, and I think, look, what he's done to help is pretty, pretty evident. We've... Yeah.

Obviously. I believe his job here is done. You know what? I think it's so obvious. We don't even need to say it. No. He like coughs that last magnet up onto the floor of the floor of the operating table. Dust his hands together and strolls out of the room.

Like a bullet being pulled out of a wounded veteran. Well, I've done my good deed for the day. Dust his hand walks out. Yes. So I think we should all just take a moment to just thank our tech lords. Out there getting it done? Thank you tech lords. Well, one of them in the UK, James Dyson... Getting it done, whatever it is.

Well, James Dyson says that, look, we don't need to participate in a European scheme to purchase ventilators, because thank God, we're technically still allowed to because we're technically still part of like every European Union program. Instead of doing that we've decided to get this guy who is a very good at making Hoover's to make a special new kind of ventilator that he can't or won't explain but he's making 10,000 of whatever they are. Well, that's gotta be good. Yeah, probably, there's 10,000 of it. They can't all be bad, you know. So we have our version of the magnet in the nose guy.

It's just the problem is our versions of billionaire and also a big Tory party donor. So he gets to do his magnet in the nose experiment on everyone, as opposed to himself. Is it just 10,000 thous thousand thous thousand thous thousand thous thousand thous thousand thous thousand thous thousand thous thousand thous thousand thous thousand thous thousand thous thousand thous thousand thous thousand thous thousand thous thousand thous thousand thousousousousousen thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand ventilators thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand thousan thousan to himself. Is it just 10,000 ventilators that can only breathe out? Yeah, it's 10,000 ventilators that can only breathe in, that are Hoover. Everybody immediately having their lungs sucked out of their body. Well, look, you said the problem was diseased lungs. It's not the problem anymore. Now you've got a whole other problem to work with. Oh God, you want it, oh you wanted me to, oh, you keep the lungs but fix them, make it

clear in your requirements documentation. You have to say what was in scope. You didn't say that them being alive was in scope. That's going to cost you a lot more. It's we're going to have to do a change request now. Oh dear, well I think that is just about all we have time for today. Thank you very much for joining us everybody. All of our bonus episodes are still currently free in lockdown season. If you do want to support the show, including the people who are

on the show who up until previously were employed through casual employment, you can go to Patreon.com slash Buunter Vista. If you would like to hear more of Riley and there's many, many chums. Yes. On Trash Future, you can find a trash future on all the podcast things. On your apps and ops, maybe on your ventilator, depending on what features it has. Yes. You can find you can find us on Twitch. TV slash Trash Future podcast, a thing that we're doing now that no one has anything on. Yes, that's true.

Nobody has ever posted anything to Twitch before now. No, that's true. That's right. Ninja just started with millions of followers, I assume. Well, we're all just trying to do our best and pump out a bunch of content for people to look at and listen to in these times of being very stuck in the house. Thanks for your time Riley. Yeah, thank you for having me on. It's literally always a delight to come here onto the Bunt of Vista Cass and quote, boon to off with you guys. It's bunting off with both hands. Yeah, baby. It's Bootin' time.

Beautiful. Well everybody we will see you next week, or maybe even midweek, if you know, if you listen to the bonus ones, too. They're bloody free, go and get them. They're only bloody free, aren't they? Only bloody free. Oh, is that too expensive for you? Cheaper than one of your classic Bunnings. It costs to nun pence. We we will get an Aspo if we throw them away though so somebody has to come and consider. Thanks everybody. Bye. Bye. you