Boonta Vista - EPISODE 145: Women Are From Beanus

Episode Date: April 22, 2020

Andrew, Ben, Lucy and Theo celebrate the imminent eradication of stoats from Rangitoto ki te Tonga, look at the grim future of quadripedal warfare, and weigh in on the Bean Battle of the Sexes. *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Merchandise: boontavista.com/merchandise Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Welcome to Bente Vista episode 145. I am Andrew and I'm the captain of a large pirate ship that we are all aboard. Soothing ocean sounds, frankly not that much to do. But over here is my first mate and good friend Ben. Hello Ben. Me hearty. I'm a ship guy. Classic ship guy.

I've got salt all over me and I'm dead. Kind of sucks on this pirate ship, hey. Fucking nothing to do. Hey, humbling up from below decks and absolutely racked with scurvy has not eaten a fruit in many, many moons. It's Theo. How you doing, buddy? Hey, I'm not doing so great. with scurvy has not eaten a fruit in many many moons. It's Theo. How you doing buddy? Hey, I'm not doing so great. Now as you may see I am sweaty, my hair is falling out in clumps. My teeth are kind of loose in the gums. So when I like when I

touc they kind of wriggle about now I know I know you got this thing the scurvy thing you believe, that's fine. Alternatively, you know, we were just in port two days ago, and I heard the new Fiona Apple album, and since then I've been sweating uncontrollably, very confused, kind of just walking around bumping into things. So I'm not really sure which it is. Skervy or the Fiona Rapple thing. It's sadder, it could be 5G. Or 5G.

Oh, 5G. One of the greatest hazards on the 7Cs. Well, it's part of the reason that we sail the 7Cs is to stay clearer that shit that shit. It's gross. Every time we dock I see another tower and I'm like, turn it around, turn it around, let's get out of here. There's no time to stock up on fresh fruit and vegetables. We've got to get away from this 5G tower. Just chuck a couple of sacks of rotten potatoes up here and we will get going. to get to the 5G.

Oh no, diarrhea again. Get further out to see. Does that ship got a repeater on it? Let's take no chances. Well, when you get out there, then you're in 5G withdrawal. Not true. The come down is almost as bad. You actually kind of have to skirt exactly. You want a little bit. But not too much. You've got to kind of, yeah, you've got to wean yourself off, go down to 4G, put an LTE on the way down, HSTPA, your CDMA, 2G, those are all the ones I know. One G? What was one G? That was when we just talked to each other. There's no one g. When there was society. Yeah I've got a one G for you. It's playing a game of catch with your son. God damn. So here we are out in the ocean, but I hear a sound. I hear a mysterious sound in the distance emanating from those rocks. It's the siren song. Ooh! Ooh! Oh! It's the siren song of the majestic mermaid.

Sounds like I have seven titties. Ooh, oh, a sailor's delight. You're, you're, you- The chav siren. Many, many smaller mermaids suckling at you. Oh, God. That's right. It's the queen of the mermaid, it's Lucy.

Hello. Hi. Oh, your hair looks great. Thank you. It's the sea air. I don't have any scurvy down here. I don't have any, I don't have an arse so I don't have diarrhea from the scurvy. I'm really like living my best life down here.

I can't have diarrhea or constipation. It's a real double-edged sword being a mermaid. You can never go on land, but you also can't shit yourself. Never shit yourself. I don't know. Have you ever seen a fish? It's pretty diarrhea looking. Yeah.

I feel like the ocean has more, it's more the context that they exist in where diarrhea no longer matters you know under the sea it's a liquid so I mean what's the difference just a cloud you know so we're here around the ocean Lucy's looking great see a hair very good her skin looks wonderful her scales shining her many mermaid children nozzling of her seven titties. I want to remind you, Lucy, that you said seven titties, not me. I didn't want anyone to be suckling from them, but continue. Swimming around them in a very interested manner. Oh, that's so much worse.

Oh, they've all got an eye on one, you know? But Hark, I see something in the distance. Land ho! Is that a... were they... they say one? They see the thing in the distance? Yep. Yeah, that's some real good nautical terminology there. Thank you. Thank you. Ben. That's the highest price coming from you. But enough about one of your mothers. No, well you got to pick one now. I don't know if anyone's mother is like, I don't know if anyone has any like mother issues. Well you've started this. I'm just trying to be chill about it. Someone's mother though. she's a land hoe. That wasn't very chill at all.

Q's, my poor mother Janet. She sounds like a land hoe. Whose mother lives the furthest from a body of water? I think is how we decide this. Yeah, that's certainly a land hoe. So what's... Is it... Your mother lives quite rurally, doesn't she, Ben? Yeah, I'm thinking about that now.

I think that might be my own mother. Wow, Lisi. You're really fucked up this time. You've made a powerful enemy today. Yep. Michelle. Oh, that sleep. Oh no. Anyone but Michelle. Oh, but I see an island, an island called Durville.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Go on. And I believe, oh, I hear, well, once again I hear a mysterious sound emanating from the landmass in the distance Prick up your ears and see what it might be Country roads Take me home to the place I belong

I belong Bulletinister Nation corner Robocrat I'll be haunted a sown, nation corner, rubber crab, sniffed my dear. Haunting. The haunting melody plays from the island as we come closer. We step off the ship. We see a large sign. I step over to the sign and we come closer. We step off the ship, we see a large sign. I step over to the sign and read it and it says,

A joint media statement from Durville Island Stoat Eradication Charitable Trust comma, predator-free, 2050 limited, comma, Malboro District Council, Council comma and Rata Foundation I just God wouldn't you love to give someone a business card that said Durville Island Stote eradication charitable trust on it especially when you point out on the business card where the acronym for that is Dysect. Beautiful, beautiful. The joint media statement on the sign says, Derville Island is set to become stoat free after the signing of agreements between an island-based

trust and funders this month. Hey, have you heard, we're supposed to be stoat-free this month? Stoat-free at last? Stoat-free at last. I put on the islets just opening up the Stoat tracker. Days without Stoats, zero. Oh, hey, I don't know if you've noticed, I think there might be a bug in the new version of Stoat tracker. I'm not seeing any stoats.

Oh, you haven't heard the news. We're asking the eradication efforts in two weeks ago and we're only just starting to see the dividends now. On the tracker. The stoats you get rid of early are the stoats you don't have to deal with later. Now what's a stoat? Because I definitely, I know what it is. I'm picturing a stoat right now and I like what I see. So I think I'm in a similar not understanding what a stote is. I is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is the stock is the stock is the stock is the stock is the stock is. I is the stock is. I is the stocked. I is. I is. I is the stocked. I'm the stocked. I'm the stowed. I'm thoes. I'm. I'm. I'm the stocked. I'm thoesomea. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm the stocked. I'm. I'm the stocked. I'm the stocked. I'm the stocked. I'm the stocked. I'm the stocked. I'm the stocked. I'm the stocked. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I's. I'm. So I think I'm in a similar not understanding

what a stoat is. I'm in the no stoat boat. Someone to read the red wall books. That's a child. That's true. So Lucy let me ask you, are you picturing like... I know vaguely, it's a rodent. I will say that it's a rodent. Ratish type thing. But I don't know if it's a rodent. I will say that it's a rodent. Ratish type thing. But I don't know if it's a pleasant rodent or a... Sort of like a weasel. Yeah, I'm picturing something sort of halfway between a ferret and an otter. Well, then you'd be bang on the money.

Oh, delightful twoi win. I'm the winner of this week's What Does a Stoat look contest? What's the prize, Theo? What's the prize he gets for that? I'm just imagining like, because they don't have any stoats anymore, just community knowledge of what stoats look like, fading away over generations on the Burdville Island. It's like a detective's drawing of a stoat. This island used to have over a 95% stot look look look look look look look look look look look look look look look look. Oh the, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the Burdville Island. This island used to have over a 95% Stoat literacy rate. Of course, of course over time they build they become an urban legend you know when people talk about what was it like in the

before times when we were menaced by stots. Well first of all there were more stoats. What more stotes? The current matter of stotes we have. Each one blood red eyes, seven feet tall, you know? These things are so fucking cute. I was picturing a more menacing thicker animal. I was definitely picturing a thicker animal. This is a very delicate creature creature the the the the the the the th. tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho-st. Well, thoes, thoats, thoes, tho, thoats, first, first, first, thoats, thoats, thoats, well, well, thoats, thoats, thoes. Well, thoes. Well, thoes. Well, thoes. Well, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thoes, thoes, thoats, thattoats, thattotaaauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauaast, thoats, thoats, th menacing, thicker animal. I was definitely picturing a thicker animal. This is a very delicate creature that looks like it would be a wonderful animal best friend

for a child in a Pixar type movie. To me, it kind of looks like the Timothy Shalamae of Rodents. Oh, wow, yes. I'm looking at one picture of a particular... You want to have sex with it, but you know that it's, that's, that's a very, that's a very, th, th, th, th, th, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, a very thi, a very thi, a very thi, a very thi, a very thi, a very thi, a very thi, thi, thi, like a very thi, like a thi, like a thi, like a thi, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. thii. Oh wow yes. I'm looking at one picture of particular. You want to have sex with it but you know that it's like not cool is that we're saying? Yeah there's also got to be a smell involved that you're not sure about. Sorry much like it's not cool to have sex with Timothy Shalame. I don't know. I don't know much like it's he could be 12, it could be 40. 40 by this point.

He played a king, he's going to be old. Yes, much like Timothy Shalamey, you want to have sex with it, but you know you're probably going to break it. But most of all you want to get in there before they're eliminated. Before there is a, you know, I've actually heard the Dville Island is also, Durville Island is also Timothy Shalamey Fring. And that did not cost them $3 million. No, no. So to continue on with this joint media statement,

Durville Island Stote Eradication Charitable Trust, Dysect, co-chair, Oliver Sutherland says that the six-year, 3.1 million dollar funding commitment was the culmination of 16 years of preparation and planning by the group. How powerful are these stotes? I'm pretty certain I can just pull out a, wheel out a whiteboard, draw a tall weasel and then like crosshairs over it and be done for the day. Crafty, motherfuckers. Just big gun with a question mark.

I'm imagining that this is kind of a chicken run scenario where the stoits of all banded together are using ingenious methods to thwart the humans. Do they have a hilarious British accent? I can only assume. I don't want to be a pie. I don't want to be eradicated. I'm picturing only only only only only only only only only only the the the toe only toe. I toe. I toe. I toe. I toe. I'm a lunaun. I'm a tooononon. I'm imagining a bit of a... I don't want to be eradicated. I'm picturing a lunatunes type situation where the where co-chair Oliver Sutherland is in the Elm

Fudd role and the stoat is in the like Bugs Money slash Daffy Dark and the Browl. Are you gonna do any of those voices or what? Uh, no, you guys know that I've already spent far too much of my day thinking about localizations of Looney Tunes names. And I, frankly, I don't know if we can get into it right now. It feels like you want to get into it. I feel like, one Elmerfud voice would really tie me over for the rest of the episode. Sort of saying something about stotes. Oh no I can't do it now. Was that your Elmford? Oh, Elmford. He's like, fuck which one is Elmer thud? I was trying to conjure the Elm Fudd laugh, you know.

Uh-huh, uh-huh, it's pretty good. Yeah, that's not the idea. So they say that thanks to Predator Free, 2050 Limited, Rata Foundation, Marlboro District Council, the New Zealand Lotteries Grant Board, landowners. I feel like about 90% of New Zealand was involved in the process of eliminating stoats. Uh, a wetter was involved in there. Peter Jackson personally, like, smashed the skulls. They let them borrow the cars from Fury Road and they've been driving around, firing

flames, throws at all the stoats. We're in golem outfits, golem makeup. Thanks to these 45 groups of people, we have the opportunity to reverse the history of wildlife loss on Rangitoto Kete Tonga slash Derville Island. That's the cracker ass version. What's the issue with Stoats? That's what I have to say. So here we go. The 16,782 hectare Marlborough Sounds Island, the fifth largest in New Zealand. It's well it's free of ship rats. Congratulations. Thank you. I've just turned around to see like dozens of rats

streaming off our ship. Okay so these are all the things that they are already free of ship rats. Norway rats. Oh thank God. Possoms and weasels but stoats have free of ship rats. Norway rats. Oh thank God. Possums and weasels but stoats have caused the local extinction of little spotted kiwi. Oh no. Yellow-crowned Kakariki and South Island Kaka. I'm sure the pronunciation of these is. Being butchered, terrifying accents over a lot of these letters.

They threaten an important population of South Island long-tailed bats. Well, you don't want to lose your long-tailed bats. You definitely don't. Not with all the... That's where we keep our viruses. Safely stored in the bat population for future use. Where no one will find them. Removal of stoats would also increase protection for significant nearby nature reserves

such as Stevens Island home to 50,000 Tuatara. I wonder what that is. Oh, that's that cool fucking lizard, right? It is indeed, a reptile endemic to New Zealand. There's also a brewery called that, I believe. And their name derives from the Maori language and means peaks on the back. Hmm, isn't that nice?

That's beautiful. The island is just... Every sentence of this just conjures this image of like centuries-long stoat warfare. The island is around 15 times bigger than other islands previously cleared of stoats. I mean that is genuinely a very cool the G-front. That's a huge increase in scale. Well they're so little. They could hide anywhere, you know? How do they know that there aren't any hiding? They seem really small. There must be stoats anywhere.

There could be stoats anywhere. A male stoat weighs 250 grams. Oh, they look so sweet. It's horrible. Just like Timothy Schellman. It's 30 centimeters as well. And apparently they can hypnotize rabbits. So that's pretty cool. Huh.

Can't really show a video of that here on... See, send them in after the rabbits. Yes. But who will hypnotize the Stoat's? You know? Who is the... Who's the pied piper of the Stoat's? You know? Who is the... It was the Pied Piper of the Stoat population. Who's Stoat hypnotizes the Stoat hypnotist?

Hmm. So that's pretty cool that they have cleared this is Isle of Stoats. But I'm imagining they did this with a... Hmm. I'm gonna say a big gun, Andrew. Well, let me tell you about it. This project uses a variety of traps, boxed snap traps, self-setting and live capture traps, and lures such as Ferret and Stoat bedding, and, very intriguingly,

automated luring with an egg-may-o-mix. Excuse me? Like an egg salad? Apparently a stoat cannot resist the lure of an egg salad. Who can, though? I'm quite intrigued by the phrasing of egg, mayo mix, right? Which to me... You've already got some egg in there, is that what you're going on? That's straight up means egg salad though. I mean what else could it be?

To me, to me, you're taking mayo and a boiled egg and you're mashing the oil up with a fork. That's what the strongly implies, which is, as Lucy says, it's no salad. God, that makes that makes that makes that makes that makes that makes that makes that makes that makes that makes that makes that's that's that's that's that's the that's they. they. that's they. that's they. that's they. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's right. that's that's right. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. threat. threat. threat. threat. the. threat. that's right. that's right. that's right. that's right. that's right. that's right. that's right. that's right. that's that's that's. God, that makes her a good sandwich. Does make a good sandwich, doesn't it? We've got any, uh... People don't have those so often these days, I reckon? No, I reckon, uh, I reckon number one, people are huge pussies about everything. So if you go into like a 7-Eleven or whatever, and there's a salad sandwich there, and there's like the egg sandwich for I think I think people get the oh that one might have magically gone bad before the other one's

five I don't know why but the egg the egg salad is always the best well it's a I don't think I've ever eaten one really an egg salad sandwich yeah I'm just gonna go for the ham and cheese what about a curriedried egg sandwich? You ever had one of those? No, I don't think of... That's a variation of an egg salad sandwich. What are you even asking for? If you ever go to Japan, you have to get the egg salad sandwich at the 7-Eleven. It's the best food you'll mayo. They won't just have eggs.

They need you to prepare some eggs as mayonnaise, and then prepare some other eggs normally and then combine them. And that's how you get a stoat. You know, as you're peeling the shell off some of the eggs, a stoat will pop up at your window. Hey, what's you got on the go in there? It looks like you're making. I mean, I don't want to assume that you got these.

You've got the mayo out. Get your egg out. Go mayo. Any chance of a little egg mayo mix in there? I don't know if you guys have a word for that. Now also intriguingly, I don't know if this is intriguing as the eggmatic mix, but they will also be using smart detection techniques, for example cameras. That is smart.

And DNA analysis, and I think this is where you apprehend a start, and then you swab the inside of its little fairy cheeks. I'm imagining a scientist, scientist going out in his field gear and a little pipette and just pipetteing the tiniest bit of stoke come off of a rock. I'm sorry, what, what off the rock? I need you to repeat what you said that he's taking off the rock. I think Theo's talking about like the little, the little reverse eye dropper that you, I thought he said stoned come, but I just wanted to make sure. I just definitely stuck on the wrong. Well, I don't know if I've heard of a pivot before. Is that one- Stought cum? Just one, sorry, quite funny.

On stote cum. I realize that both of you have some stuff to process here. Ooh. Yes, pepette and stote cum. Those were, those are the two things in there. Those are our takeaways. They're both very troubling statements. Right, I got a stoke cum. Sorry. Anyway, take that back to the lab.

Chug that in the stoke cum machine. You're using the stoat cum machine right now? No, no, the stoat cum machine is all yours. No, it's just stoke gum. I just have a bit of stockum. I've got a bucket. that and it goes in the big paint shaker. Oh that goes in the Stoke-Cum bucket it's just next door. Just as you do emulsify this Stote-Cum and also to emulsify these eggs into mayonnaise for the egg mayo mix. And the machines are very similar. Don't get the muck. Oh no no that's that's the egg mayo bucket. Oh no that's that's the egg mayo. that's that's thahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah. That's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thigh. That's thigh. Oh thigh. Oh thigh. Oh thigh. Oh thi. That's thiomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomom. That's that's that's that's that's that's thi. That's thi. That's th. That's th. That's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' tho thooomatoes thoooooooomatoes thooooomatoes the. Oh thoooomatoes the just just just just just just just thoom-Cum bucket. The labels fall off both of them at the same time.

Oh, they look the same. Oh, no. I made that mistake in my first day, too. You know, we all do it. We have to move... We have to move... I have to move the Stoat-Cahed-Cah come testing station out of the kitchen. I know that we're packing them.

I keep telling the bosses this. They just don't listen. It's a very small one. No one around here has ever heard the word cross contamination. Oh my goodness. So, you know, congrats to them. I hope that they do achieve stoat freedom soon. Complete ston eradication. CSE. That's stoat free 2050 baby.

It can be like dubby from a Harry Potter. I saw somebody, um, I saw somebody on the internet the other day saying that they were like as an Australian I feel bad like I should keep up more with New Zealand news and they said but every time I do it's all just very like village newsletter kind of stuff. I assume this is the story dominating headlines in New Zealand this week, which is, you know, why are we covering it? Because it's important. Well, the example that they gave was like page 3 of the New Zealand Herald was, girl bitten on the ear by a dog on the beach.

Oh. Oh. But you know, we can't point the finger. What with our superior media industry? I thought you were going to say our superior dog technology. Our superior come pipetting technology. Our field work is expected to start towards the end of industry. Well, the industry's been largely automated now. There's no real jobs in stoke comp to start towards the end of the industry's being largely automated now.

There's no real jobs in Stoke-upon tending anymore. Speaking of automation. Oh, yeah. You like that? Let's continue our Nature Corner. Except imagine if you will a remix of the Nature Corner theme, but it also sounds kind of like the theme to the terminator. D-dun-dun-dun.

God, it's good stuff. Keep going. Keep going. There's no time signature to that song, by the way. Yes. Like, wasn't the guy just a guy that knew nothing about music but also came up with a, like, crazy, badass theme? And that's why there's no time signature to it?

I don't know. Is that the tale of the Terminator 2 score? It could be if you want it to be. Be sure to at. I'm Randy if this information is wrong. He loves that. Or if you're the guy guy guy guy guy guy guy guy guy guy guy guy guy guy guy th g g g g g g g g g th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. thi. thi. thi. tho. tho. tho. tho. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. to. thi. theeeeei. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. if you're the guy that wrote those themes, I'm sorry, Sid, I said, you don't know anything about music. You can also write to Theo at Punta Vista.com. And Theo will enter into a protracted correspondence with you. So this is from Forbes. Apparently we're making robot dogs now.

Like Pucci. Oh god. You. Like Poochie. Oh God. You guys remember Poochee? My sister had one of those that thing fucking sucked eggs. I wanted to Poochee so bad. A what? A horrible creature? Poochie, it was like an inferior furby.

He was a robot dog. He did nothing. It had no personality. Couldn't really do anything and it, oh no, they made them covered in hair now. The old ones look like absolute fucking shit. Yeah, they look like a cyber dog. They look like a dog that you would have sex with if you wanted to have sex with a robot dog. Let's dial it back. Let's dial it back. The concept, robot war dog is what I'm seeing in the notes. Let's continue.

Robot war dog. My arm just on the electronic toys front. My kids, they don't really have a lot of toys that have like batteries and make noise and shit on account of why would I want them to have that? What are your kids toys right now? Give me, paint me a picture. What are they, what are they going on at the moment? They're getting into like Lego as opposed to Duplo, you know, smaller ones. It's try fancy Lego? It's teoult

that Lego costs like I think it's six thousand dollars a brick. It's so fucking expensive. and I'm sure that a lot of people of Adult age have their own memories of like ah at my house growing up we had a big bucket of Lego We had a big milk crate full of Lego, you know You know, well you wouldn't use a milk crate because the milk crate got all those holes Just gonna come tum there. You know the kind of like a basic tub. You know that there's a kind of milk crate because the milk crate's got all those holes inside. It's just going to come tum there. You know the kind of like a plastic tub. You know that there's a kind of milk crate shaped container with solid sides, don't you? Don't you?

You're describing a box? Yeah, you described it for a plastic crate? Just a crate. A classic box. I'm describing one of those and it's full of tha. Full of Lego. Full to the brim. Remember that sound of raking your hand through the bottom of it trying to find something? Nothing like it. Giving yourself slight hearing damage.

So yeah, like, you think to yourself, oh, I would love to do that for my kids. And then you're like, one small box of Lego, please. And they say, I will have the keys to your car now It's wild expensive so you know we got them some stuff they get they get prints of people So we're doing a doing a bit of Lego today But they do have one or two of these things battery type things and god damn you want to smash him with a hammer Because they're like this is cool and they do literally like two or three sounds.

And that's it. Are they the same as what we played with those kids? There's no advancements? Uh, no, not really, other than the fact that, um, like, I guess the songs they play has changed. One of my children has a llama. Boppy the Twirking Lama. Excuse me? I just need to say the title again out loud.

This is a different world. Boppy. Boppy the Lama. Probably the tworking llama. Oh there you go. Sorry. Yeah. The specific name is, the brand is Zuru Pets Alive,

Bopi the booty shaken llama. Oh. And so it's a little, it's a little hairy llama, a little rainbow haircut and it gets his little hairy ass out. Yeah, you press the button and it, and it dances and there's like three songs and at the end of one of the songs the llama farts and that is what the kids are all about. Wow I thought when I was a kid that like kids in the future would be playing with like an AI robot like something really advanced and interesting.

Ass llama. It is an it is an Arslama. Yeah, so that's what they got going on. Things battery. Becoming a Catholic or something. Yeah, this is all too much. So like the problem is that my wife is a sucker and she's like, you know, I want them to have things that kids. Unfortunately the thing is the kids. That's th. T. That's th. That's th. T is thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th have things that kids, unfortunately the thing is the kids want stuff that sucks. That's reality, because they're kids.

In the same way that you might say to yourself, hey, kids like cartoons and animated movies, time to show them some Studio Ghibli films or whatever. They're like, no, no, I'll be watching the Emoji movie again. Because that's what they're about, unfortunately. So, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're they're they're their, because, because, thi, thi, thi, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, thi, because, because, their, because, because, their, because, their, their, because, their, their, their, their, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they're, they're, thi, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's again. Uh, because that's what they're about, unfortunately. So you know, they enjoy the things that they enjoy. And they enjoy them by just playing the song over and over again until you like. Yeah, I can't relate with that. Yeah, not like us. I will kill Bob. We're so different. Yeah, but you get to pick the thing that you listen to over and over again. like like like like like like like like like a like a like a radio. Yeah, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm th, I'm the the their th, th, th, th, th, th th th th their th th th th th th th th, th, th, th, th, their th, their their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi thi that, that, that, that's that's what that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thto pick the thing that you listen to over and over again.

Yeah, not anymore. I'm almost 34, so I don't get to pick that anymore. It's just whatever I used to live, listen to is now what I also still listen to. That's it, I'm stuck now. I'm in a groove. And if you've been, it's the album Sleep. Wait, don't smoke. Or is it the other way around?

It's the other way around. Oh, fuck. The spirit of what you were saying was correct. Yes. I listened to it again today, actually. I also was doing it yesterday. Uh-huh. So who wants to tell me about these robot dogs?

Well, Andrew, can I paint you a picture? I would love that. We're in the middle of a podcast. There's no time. Well, and no one will be able to see it. Perhaps I use my words as a brush or someone else's, the words from Forbes as a brush. Uh, the artful words of forms as a paintbrush. And now I've really, I'm going to wiggle my eyebrows here, to describe that because again using words, I've painted myself into a corner here because the first words here are in the brush. Now this is a different kind of brush that one might find in some sort of outdoor environment.

In the bush, the sort of brush you'd find in the bush. Yeah, bushbrush. Yeah. Behind the swelling columns of purple smoke, the quadcopter tracks the band of fighters. Their equipment is familiar at a distance. Armored transports and infantry all in the distinct Australian multi-cam pattern camouflage. Between stands of Red River gum trees trots the most alien of weapons there. A little dog-sized robot. Happily bounding along with the mechanized infantry. Is it happy? Yeah, well, we gave it emotions. And that was the first mistake. Can you call the dog who is robot happy? Welcome to the robotic future of the Australian army. The most important quality of a dog that you want to replicate

when you are building a false dog of this kind is the ability to recognize when it is being yelled at and to lower its head and look up at you right for a sidehouse. I think the number one thing you want is whenever it sees anything that might be a human at any time, day or night, whether you're kind of like sleeping or whether you're sneaking up on enemy encampment, is for it to immediately and just incessantly start barking. For no reason, forever.

It's the quality of dogs that we've been trying to automate for years. Finally done it. It thinks it saw a ghost two days ago and it hasn't stopped barking. So as far as I can tell, this is, we're getting the shittier version of the mechanized dogs that the Americans all decided that they thought were cool and then it turns out their terrible idea and no one wants a fucking weird robot dog that can steady itself when you kick it on the side repeatedly for no reasons.

The only thing that they make them for is to just like abuse them during testing? Yeah, there's two things that th that th th th th th th th ths ths thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the thi the their thi their their their their their their the their thi their their the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi thi thi thi thi thi the the the the theeeeeean thean thean thean thean thean thean thean thean theeeee an the an the the the reasons. The only thing that they make them for is to just like abuse them during testing? Yeah, there's two things that happen by the way. One is that it like almost keels over and it like steadies itself in a weird, weird smilker of like actual dog behavior and second of all a little rage bar on the side of it increases by one dash. Towards an unknown destination. But they all, the side of it increases by one dash towards an unknown destination. But they all, the American ones they hated because they're all, the ones that you know we saw on the Boston Dynamics videos and this is going back quite a few years now. The big dog.

They're all like gasoline powered at that point. So you had basically this diesel generator on legs following you around the whole fucking time. Like louder than a motorbike just, ruh, the whole time. Well that's the part that I hated about them was when they would kick them. And like the legs would move quickly to keep up and it'd be like, wheev, rive, rib, little servos pumping the little servos pumping away. Yeah, totally, totally useless. Like as a pack horse, we've got other things. It's, it's, I mean, horses. Yeah.

For example, but no, apparently this is a new one for Australia, made by Ghost Robotics, and it's the breakout star of the Australian Army's new office focused on robots and autonomy. I assume this is what we're doing in between building all those submarines that we definitely need? Absolutely. Well, we can get the dogs to build the submarines now. Once we work out how to give him a post thumbs. Ideally. And like, this was one of the biggest struggles I think for me like finishing up engineering education and then you go out and you look at all the jobs and it's literally like yeah you can be an engineer that builds dogs that we're going to drop on a Palestinian village somewhere, right?

Like that's your career now because that's where the money is. It's just mainly in making dogs that you can hit a little button and they they do a cute little circle and then they fire a hellfire missile 40 kilometers away into a wedding and that's all of the jobs in Australia so. Yeah but imagine when a whoever runs, that's a that, that's a that' thi thi thi thi thi thi thi that's thi thi that's thi that's thi that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's their that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thooea. thethat's all of the jobs in Australia. So, yeah, but imagine when whoever runs the Australian Defense Force has their Tony Stark-like revelation. And then they start using the dogs for nice stuff. You know?

That's what the military is for, it's for good things. It's for nice stuff. They can get them. Putting a big drinks tray on the dog and having a walk around the party. Which is, that's all they're gonna do with them is just what they immediately did with R2D2 in Return of the Jedi was just when, what the fuck are we gonna, all right, drinks tray. Straight away, it's like that's it. We can get a flat surface on top here. Except tragedy strikes when the dog is serving grandma her nice tea and gets too excited, jumps on her lap. But the dog actually weighs 400 kilograms. Crushing grandma immediately.

Crushes her to death. So we have to look beyond the robot dog though, guys. There's more automation and autonomy lurking in the rest of the machines. We could have robot cats for the robot dogs to chase. Could have robot birds for the robot cats. There's no end to it. Finally robot stoats to replace the stotes for children. Eventually we finally reintroduce. Oh my god this is how Horizon Zero Dawn happens. So they go on to to jerk themselves off about a whole bunch of sensors and LIDAR and lasers measuring distances and all the shit that we're doing with self-driving cars because we need a reason to spend money on

defense because we've run out of people to kill. But budget's not going to spend itself, is it? No one's attacking us except for the Chinese 5G virus. That's right. They are. They do have, they've got the 5G thing. And they've got horrible robot dogs. So, so cool. Shall we go on to put a positive spin on this with the press release? God, I love a positive spin.

They do love a positive spin. So here it is. Army. Just the definite article, Army? I'm not sure. Yep, one Army. It's the same way that Buster uses it, the rest of development. Yep, I've been to Army, mother.

I was in charge of the robot dogs. Army has established... That's a prize. Established an office within the future land warfare branch of land capability division. Sorry, I just want you to, future land warfare branch of land capability division. That's a definite, it's a real thing. Mm-hmm. To increase its adoption of disruptive technologies, and of course disruptive is just a made-up word.

Yeah, it doesn't mean anything. It didn't appear in the dictionary until 2009. That just means you drink diarrhea tea. It's weird because like, destructive is a made-up buzzword is meaningless normally. Yeah, it's like what? It's when people are applying it to like, oh, we disrupted the taxi industry by making a different model that's never made any money. That makes no money. Yeah. But what's this disrupting? Like, disrupting at the sense of, we made a robot dog for warfare. Yeah. Is it disrupting the fact that the army doesn't already cost enough money? Yeah, we're totally mixing up that model. We're making it the the the the thaaaa. the the the tha. tha. the use tha. the use tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. thiiiolee. thiole. thiole. thoomome. thoomome. thiole. thiole. thiole. thiole. thi. thi. thi. thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's thiiii. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's the. It's the. It's tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooeeeeeeeee. It's thae. It's thae. It't already cost enough money. Yeah, we're totally mixing up that model. We're making it more expensive.

More expensive. They're disrupting the use of real dogs in the army, like in a call of duty, you know? That's right. Don't talk about Riley. Don't you talk about Riley. The role of the robotic and an autonomous systems implementation coordination office, and they boil that down to RICO. Just pulling out as many words as it takes to come up with something cool at the end.

You cannot allied autonomous systems into like no dot points in your acronym. Is exploration, coordination and concept development using disruptive technology. And please, if you can, I know, so in your visual cortex, because like I think visual and audio processing are happening in two different parts of your brain. So imagine. I'm booting mine up now. Yep, I'm talking, so that's auditory processing. In your visual processing cortex, if you can just imagine a hand making that's auditory processing, in your visual processing cortex, if you can just imagine a hand making the jack-off motion the entire time through this article,

you will be getting these. Both our stated effect and theirs as well. So, Director General of Future Land Warfare Brigadier Ian Langford. Can I just break in for a second and something? There's nothing more beautiful to me than knowing that the government of the country that I live in is dedicating a whole bunch of money to the concept of future wars. The idea that like... That'sthat's a cool thought isn't that? They seem, you know, like, when was the last time you saw any interest

from this country in like not being involved in a war? Well you've got to do something to fill in the time. I really trust the Director General of future land warfare, brigadier, I mean he's a Brigadier of Future Land Warfare, so... And the Director General, he's two things, it's a two-fam. Yeah. I hope he's not spreading himself too thin. Well if they fought against, if they were fighting against future war and that's probably a pretty big conflict of interest considering their role, so... trying to prevent future land warfare

I mean where is the director general of future sea warfare well he's on a boat I suppose he would be I suppose he would be so so we got robot dog very little use on a boat all it's gonna do is bark at the seagull the whole time. Is this fucking dog going to do that the whole time? They didn't make an off switch for the barking. So the RICO was consistent with the CA's vision, I don't know what the CA is and we're scrolling back, not make any more sense. With the CA's vision of being future ready

by looking for opportunities to integrate technology as well as becoming a more intelligent customer. Doesn't mean anything. This was just written by like Mikey Miles. This is written by an Instagram guy, Kirby wife guy. So when they say becoming a more intelligent customer, they mean their own person? Instagram guy, Kirby wife guy. So when they say becoming a more intelligent customer, do they mean their own

purchasing of all technology? Yeah, and it's so weird because this is not, you are not going down to J.B. Hi-Fi to pick up like a fucking Wi-Fi antenna for 5G. It's, I don't know, it's very bizarre. It's weird language, it's very odd to me. So the aim of the office is to build on the momentum of the Army's successes with disruptive technology last year. Again, we're not in a war. Nothing's, there's nothing for them to succeed against. You can just have a break. Well, they're disrupting. So, so that's, so that's, so that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's very that's very that's very that's very that's very that's that's that's very thii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thii. thiiii. thiiiiii. thiiiiii. thiii. thiii's very very very very very very very very very very very thi. thi's very thi's very thi's very thi. thi's very thi. thi's very thi's very thi's very thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. thiii. thi. thi's thi. thi. They can just do, you can just have a break. Well, they're disrupting, so that's an activity that they're engaged in. Yeah, yeah. I just, I just think you can have a little chill out.

You can just calm down for a while. You can just take some time off. Just take some time off. Give the army a year off. Give him a gap year for the army a year off. Give him a gap year. Gap year for the army. Let him suck a dick or something. I don't know. Just go to Bali. Just fucking go to Bali. Just show a little to that. Imagine how bad it would actually go if you said we're going to send thousands of members of the Australian Defence Force on holiday to Bali. Would it be that different from the regular year at Bali? Isn't that just shore leave? Just a lot horrible.

So this included the demonstration of the ghost robotics ground robot, which is the dog I assume and the concept of optionally crude combat vehicles. Again we're not in a war. Ocwees. crude combat vehicles. Again, we're not in a war. Okvies. Okvies. Have you seen the latest Ocfees? Pretty cool. Do you have seen the latest Ocfees? Fuck.

They'll use specialist personnel With Army's total workforce model to advance knowledge in artificial intelligence, quantum technologies, which doesn't mean anything, robotics and autonomy. These are all words that mean nothing by the way. Like quantum technologies is a thing that you say when you when you're like... It's for technologies. Yeah, just really like flying for time. As like, you know, you're a bit behind on the procurement documents. When you say army with a capital A, you're talking about the BTS army,

and I don't think that that's something you really want to be messing with at this morning. You don't want to say army without a thee in front of it Give the BTS army Icbias Give the BTS army robotics Like we all know this stuff is all foolish it in in all of the ways that you're describing thea disrupting what the fuck you're disrupting other than your own practices in which case you just make changes that's that's thin. That's the th you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you th th th th th thi thi that that that that that that that that that the the that the the the the the the the the the their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that that that that that that that that that that that that that thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi you disrupting, other than your own practices, in which case you're just making changes.

That's fine, you're allowed to do that. But also, you know, what it's going to result in is what we're seeing here, which is to say, we spent $40 billion on six robot dogs making them ourselves instead of buying them from overseas. Also they don't work and also we don't want to use them. And they're not even poochies. Not in poochies. Don't play any songs. They do not twook. But like the alternative is also bad. So let's let's imagine that the army actually is extremely successful in developing autonomous artificially intelligent robots. That's still not good to me. It's very bad.

That sounds like you're against SkyNet. That sounds like you're against Skynet. They seem good to me. Are we a pro Skynet podcast now? Mm-hmm. You guys, you guys remember the horrible day when the guy in Las Vegas got up in a hotel and he shot a whole bunch of people. You sure did.

And then we all like as a world, just all in, all at one time, all in unison, just went, well this is the time when we use robots to kill people. The time we just draw a little line in the sand now when we send in, and our response to stuff now is we just send in a robot with a bomb. And that's just drone strike that hotel room. And that's what we do now, right? That's what we do now and we've never had a shooting since. And you've just got a whole bunch of fucking jack-o-offs. And, and th. And, and th. And, and th. And, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, th. And, th. And, th, th, th, th, the th, the, thirty, the, the, their, the, their, their, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the've got nothing to, no one to kill anymore, nothing to do. Just like, uh, hey, you want to send in the fucking robot with the bomb? And that's, and that's what we do now. Except now, the dog can like wag its tail before it explodes. So that's cool. That's right. So they finish. The opportunities presented by

disruptive technology and sorry just remind you visual aids have to be understood early if we are to exploit our capability edge Brigadier Langford said and I think really they have to exploit that edge because they're not going to this is not going to climax to anything because they're not gonna, this is not gonna climax to anything, right? They're just gonna be capability edging continually, building and building. Damn you were so right. You're so right, there will not be any release. It's just not gonna reach a climax. We're not gonna, we're not gonna use this for anything. It's just gonna edge, edge towards something. Just bit by bit, billion by billion.

Mm-hmm. Keep going. He's right to say this. You know, you know there's the, in the movies, like when someone's making a phone call and they're trying to track them down, triangulate the spot. It's like we have to keep them online for 20 seconds. I feel like I can only talk about edging for less than 20 seconds before someone decides to do something with it. So I'll just cut it there. We can move on. So you're, you have not been traced in the scenario. The chase is not being completed. Okay. Okay, so moving on from

whatever that was. Hey, robot dogs. Robot dogs, you know what it's time for. Sometimes you got to work on your relationship. And that means that it's time for a little, little slice of what we call paging Dr. Lucy. I'm sorry, it's been a while since it's hit me like that. It's such a beautiful thing. It's been a while since it's hit me like that. It's such a beautiful thing. Absent makes the heart grow fun. Shout out to whoever actually made the theme to the TV show ER. I'm sure we all remember George Clooney getting his big break on that show. Yes. Anyways, what do you got? Old mothfucker. Uh. So, you know, sometimes, hey, you get a little relationship problem between partners? Um, um, Lucy. I know that you're that? Um, that. Um, thi. Um, Lucy, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th, th, th, th, th, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. the. theat. theemeemeemeemeemeeme theemeeme theemeeme theeme theemeee theeeeee. the. between partners. Lucy, I know that your husband is there in the background. I don't know if he's going to want to weigh in.

He's listening to the podcast. He's reading the notes on the screen and he has a notebook in his hand and he's underlining the words, Bean Lady is right with like several underlines. I didn't even read this yet. It says, Bean Lady is right. She is right to do it with the beans. And then it says, Protect Bean with several underlines. Okay.

Quite a bit of ominous foreshadowing there coming from. I just make sure I've got this right. She is right to do it with the beads. She's right to do it with the bean. Okay. He's putting a thumb off. I've read it correctly. It definitely says Bean Lady is right.

Like very strongly. Been lady is right. Okay. Well in the time. Yeah, that's true. But we'll find out. Let's see. Let's give it to the listener. We'll figure out who's right and who's wrong.

So this as, now again, the premise of the segment is, we take a look at the request for relationship advice on one of the worst sites on the internet, Reddit, and we bandie them about amongst ourselves. Here it is, hello, with all that is going on, I'm waving one of my hands around to me. All of this. Oh, all of this. Everything happens so much. With all that is going on, we have stocked up on supplies including some canned goods. I ordered a few weeks ago 30 cans of beans, 10 are black beans, 10 are kidney beans, and 10 are pink beans. Pink beans. I need, I don't know what pink beans are. I feel like this is some badly American translation.

Maybe like a cannellini or a butter bean or something? Maybe it's a white bean. It's a white bean for sure. Okay it's a white bean. It's a white bean. Contin to continue. Okay is it's it like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like the the the the the the the 10. It's like 10. It's like 10. It's like 10. It's like 10. It's like 10. It's like 10. It's like 10. It's like 10. It's 10. 10. 10. 10. 10. ten 10 10 10 10. 10. 10. 10. 10. 10 tea. 10 tea. 10 tea. 10 tea. 10 tea. 10 tea. 10 tea. 10 the tea. 10 the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their te. te. 10 are their te. their te. their te. their their their white bean for sure. Okay, it's a white bean. Continue. Okay. Is it like, is it a European thing or an American thing? I don't know why they're saying that? I don't think so. Just judging by- It seems to be baked beans that they're talking about. That's probably a navy bean or it's a white bean, but go on. Also I ordered 15 cans of chickpeas. I thought this is a reasonable amount of beans and chickpeas to have every now and then and would last for quite some time. Yeah absolutely it's not a reasonable amount of

beans and chickpeas to have. I gotta say we made a vegan Shepard pie recipe like a couple of days ago, and it is primarily like beans and chickpeas, and the atmosphere in the house has been ruinous. It's not because of the farting. It's not a constructive kind of amount of beans and chickpeas to eat, right? So there are other things in cans. There are other things in cans. Other kinds of beans for example. I only just realized the other day that...

There's more beans than I know. That Americans call chickpies, garbanzo beans, yeah. I mean, either way, it's fine. Either way. However, the thin, da. T the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th the the the th th th the the the th th. That's th th th. That's th th th th. That's th. That's th. That's the the th. That's th is th is th is th is th is th is th. That's th is th. That's th is th is th is th is th is th is th is the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. That the th. That th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That that. That that. That that. That that. That that. That that. That the. That th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's the beans, yeah. I mean, either way. Either way, it's fine. Either way. However, thun, da. Last night, I opened the cabinet because I wanted to make a vegetarian chili using two cans of beans. I'm not sure that's enough, but all of the beans were gone.

What the hell? All of the beans. That's a lot of fucking beans to be gone. Heavy bean hall. I asked my girlfriend and she told me she buried all of the beans in the woods. At first I thought she was joking but she explained no, she had buried the beans in the woods. WTF question mark. I asked her to explain and she told me she was afraid that quote, if things get bad, we might have to worry about, the the th, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, the, to, to, to, to, to, the, to, the, the, and she, to, the, the, and she, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, told, told, thol, and she told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, and she told, and she thol, and she told, and she thol, and she thol, and she thol, and she thol, and she thol, and she th, and she th, and she th, and she th, th, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thole, told me, told me, told me, told me, told me, told me, told me, told me she was afraid that quote if things get bad we might have to worry about quote looters or whatever and that the beans would be in

danger. It's like just strange runes drawn in chalk on your front front fence indicating beans here. Someone's probably after the beans. You guys hit the old beans house yet? Doing a bean heist. This is the big score. It's upwards of 30 cans of beans. This is more beans than we can move.

Got to hire a truck. So she says they might have to worry about looters or whatever. The beans would be endangered, being stolen. The beans are in danger. Of all the things in the house to be like, burying the beans. Also don't you want beans there to give to them so that then they take the beans and walk away? You should have more than your woods beans.

You should have house beans and you should have woods and you should have woods. These people are fucking stupid. Fools. I'm with Theo here. I could go to the woods to dig up some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the to to I could go to the woods to dig up some beans if you want. My woods beans are separate from my house beans. I'm with Theo here, which is to say that number one, if I am ever being like robbed at knife point, and the person says to me, your beans or your life. Like, great. Go, go for it. What a choice. Well, it's not even like... Obviously, you're alive because you protect your beans. Protect the beans.

Look, I'm firmly on record as... Jesse is really underlining, protect beans. He's circling protect bean. I'm very firmly on record as a person where, uh, if someone were to mug me and say, I want your wallet, I would go, okay, I would far rather that than to be stabbed. You know, the idea of going, no, my pride will not permit me to hand over this wallet with no cash in it, because nobody has cash anymore. Depends what cash is in there or what what beans are in there in this scenario.

Does it? If you had $500, if you had $500 and you have pockets full of beans. So if a guy's got a knife and your handbag has your purse with $500 American dollars in it and two cans of beans. What if it's not cans of beans, what if it's dried beans? You know, that's like, they're gonna double in size. What if it's just loose, wet beans? If it's loose beans? You gotta be like, uh-uh. I'm not gonna be like, no, but I feel like I'm gonna try to like manipulate him. I'm gonna try to do like I'm gonna try to like manipulate him. I'm gonna try to like to to do to do to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th loose th loose the thus thus thus thus the thus the thus thus thus the thus thus thus thus thus thus thus the the yeah I'm gonna try to do some tricks. I'm gonna, I'm gonna try to do some slipping Jimmy. I don't realize women were so, like, possessive of their beans.

This is why they're always complaining that like, outfits don't have enough pockets to keep your beans in. Uh, guys are always trying to get you to put stuff in their purse. You need that space for beans. So, um, so she said that she is freely admitting. She is protecting the beans. She's buried the beans. I said, I thought this was completely ridiculous and unlikely.

She became angry at me and said she is quote, protecting our beans. According to her logic, the beans are safely buried in the woods behind our apartment complex. And if we ever need some beans, she'll just go to the stash and dig up a can or two. But she would prefer if we save them all for if things get worse. I said, I said, that, I said, I that, I th I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd th, I'd th, I'd th, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd th, I'd th, I'd th, I'd th, I'd the, I'd the, I'd the, I'd the, I'd that I'd that I'd that I'd that I'd that I'd that I'd that I'd that I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd say, I'd say, I'd say, I'd say, I'd say, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, I'd dig up a can or two. She would prefer if we save them all, for if things get worse. I said, why only bury the beans? Why not bury our more valuable items? She said, the canned food was most valuable for long-term means, and since we get fresh food in our online grocery deliveries,

it would make sense to continue to stockpile beans. She intends to go and bury more beans in the woods every week. This was too insane for me and I got very upset. I demanded to know where the beans were buried and she refused to tell me. Where are the beans were buried and she refused to tell me. Where are the beans? Tell me what the beans. Oh he's doing Batman voice. Tell me where the beans are. Where are the beans? Oh. Breaking off one of her fingers at a time. Where are the beans? She said that if I knew she was afraid I would dig them up, I said, damn right I will.

She said, quote, I will never jeopardize the beans. He's like, damn right I dig up those beans. I crossed the line and said that she was out of her mind, and she stormed away. I like the way that he's crossing the line. I mean he is. He's the crazy one. You are starting to sound a little weird about this beans situation. I think he's being crazy about the beans.

She's fine. He is gaslating her. She's being fine about these beans. I think it is completely ridiculous to bury the beans in the woods, and I want to find them and dig them up. But apparently my girlfriend is taking this very seriously. How can I convince her to tell me where the beans are? And do you think I should convince her to get therapy or something, or should I break up up with her?

I'm so confused. Is this normal for a girlfriend to bury beans or otherwise thethem? Too long didn't read. My girlfriend buried the beans in the woods and will not tell me where they are. Classic, classic stuff. I honestly, look, weird behavior, certainly, to emphatically insist you'll write to bury the beans. But also, I think it's kind of insane to get this worked up and this urgent to need beans. I need the beans! Where are the damn beads? Buy some new beans. Calm down. Go get some beans. I would be so mad if I was

like, you know what I've had this real hankering for ramen and I'm gonna make some ramen for lunch and I know that I've got plenty of ramen Raman I just bought I did very recently go and buy like three big multi-packs of good ramen from the Asian grocery place and it's starting to get cold it's soup season baby oh hell yeah that's right and so I'm like hey it's some ramen in me for lunch and I open up the cupboard there right. And so I'm like, hey, it's ramen in me for lunch and I open up the cupboard, there's no ramen, and I'm like, where's the ramen? And my wife says, oh I buried that. I buried that out in the woods. And I'm like, cool, even if you were like, fine, but also I want ramen for lunch. And she's like, guess I'm gonna have to go out to the secret place I won't tell you about and dig up one one packet of ramen for

all right but I mean it's clear this guy doesn't take the beans seriously I mean you're talking about ramen and this guy's talking about the whole quantity of beans and it's clear that he does not understand the concept of bean. There is to me there is an obvious the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the the the thi the the to to to to to to to to to to to toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee toe toe toe the's clear that he does not understand the concept of bean. There is, to me, there is an obvious solution to this issue, right? And I'm going to put the blame. Bear more beans. No, I'm going to put the blame on the lady in this situation. Oh, typical. Yeah, yeah it is. Women be stashing beans in the woods behind the apartment complex. Oh, it's only women. It's only women who are stashing the beans. All right, okay. All right. So, I think that what would have really helped soften the blow of this is if she had have said,

she doesn't have to say it before it. If she had have gone, look, 30, well, 45 cans of beans once you include the chickpeas. I'm assuming she buried them too. So she's said, you know what, I want to make sure we've got some beans in reserve, I'm going to bury 45 tins of four kinds of tinned bean out in the woods. What you could have done is just said, I'm going to take like one or two cans of each and leave them in the cupboard and bury all the surplus. And then he's like oh I can make my chili, hey what happened to all the other beans and you can be like baby, I'm keeping our beans safe. That's right. She should have got lower quality beans, she should have got those baked beans, the to their beans. th. th. th. th. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, the, the, their, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their surplus, their surplus, their surplus, the, the, the, the, the, the, the surplus surplus surplus surplus surplus surplus surplus, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, su su su su su su su su su su su su su su su su su su sur-up, their, their, their, their, tip, tipe, tipe, tipe, tipe, tipe, tipe, tipe, tipe, tipe, their, their, their day-to-day life and buried the like the higher value beans for sure.

You can't, you can't, the highest protein beans. Yeah she should have buried the higher value beans and just kept the baked beans and then it wouldn't have been an issue, you know, this is what communication with your partner it sounds like, you know? Yeah, it's in the same way that like, you know, you the the, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, a, a, a, a, a, a, a,..... the,. the,. the,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, like, like, like, like, it's in the same way that like you know you want to you want to have if you eat meat and you've got like Meat in the deep freeze, you know you wouldn't put it all in the deep freeze you have one or two things out that you can use while they're fresh That's right you keep your good beans and you bury half of the good beans. This is what disruption thou, this is this is how to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their their. their. their. their. their their. their their. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their the of the good beans. This is what disruption sounds like. This is how to compromise in a relationship. You keep some of the beans out, but not so many that a marauding bean gang could take all of the beans at once. You're so right.

And that way, when they say to you, give us your beans, you say, oh no, you're taking all of our beans. But it's not all of your beans. Yeah, they take like three or four cans and they're like, well, I guess that's all the beans these bean-poor chops have. They have no idea how many beans you have buried in the forest. That's right. You never let on. You never let on. Because if they come in, there's no beams, the gonna be like, where are the beans stashed? That's right. You're gonna be, where the fuck are your beans?

Where are your fucking beans? Stop fucking with me. Hey, you fucking prick, where's your fucking beans? Oh, so I think they're both a little in the wrong, you know? What do you think, Ben? I mean, I think, yeah, you don't actually put all your beans in the same hole. You can certainly have some at-hand beans, emergency beans, and then save the rest for when the shit hits the fan. Divers of fire, bean holes. Oh, absolutely. You want one tinn of beans in the the cupboard, the thin, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin. thin, Ben. thin, Ben, thin, thin. thin. thin. thin. then. then. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben. then, Ben. then, Ben. then, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, thin, Ben, thin, thin, thin, Ben, thin, thin, then, then, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, th, thin, th, then, then, then, then, thin, then save the rest for when the shit hits the fan. Diverse of fire, bean holes. Oh, absolutely.

One tin of beans in the roof. One tin of beans in the cupboard, one tin the beans underneath the floorboards. One tin of beans sort of in the drawer on your bedside table, so just in case there's an intruder at night things that are the things. Stack them up behind the row of books in your bookshelf. They're so easy to store. I mean, I assume nearly everything that's written in to Reddit relationships is entirely made up for laughs. This one's real. This one's real.

Why? No, this has to be real for sure. Mm-hmm. Beam Wars, you know? Hmm. Bean wars. Men are from Mars and women are from Beanus, you know? Women are from Beanus. Oh, very silly.

Hey, if you got a relationship problem that you need diagnosed by a podcast that talks for a little too long, don't come. If someone came into your house and they were like, it's your life for your fucker beans. And you have a problem. Let me tell you. If a marauding bean gang came to your house and your husband immediately gave up the beans like way too quickly. He didn't even try and try and too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too to to too too too to too long. He too long. He too long too long too long. If too long too long. If too long. If too long. If too long. If too long. If too long. If too long. If too. If too. If too. If too. If too. If too. If too. If too. If too. If too. If too. If too. If too. If too. I I I I I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I theea. I tell. I'm today. I'm tell tell today. I to your house and your husband immediately gave up the beans like way too quickly, he didn't even try and throw him off the scent and you're starting

to wonder, are beans even important to my husband? And you want some advice. You can write into Mailbag at Buntavista.com. We will take your questions. We'll try and sort it out for you. We will get on the metaphorical blower and sort it out. We will. So as has been going on for quarantine time, we are still continuing to make all of our Patreon bonus episodes free on the free feed because frankly everybody's stuck at home. They need some shit to listen to. But if you would like to support the show, we will the show, we will the show, we will, we will, we will, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, we will th, we will th th th th th th th th th. We will th. We will tho-we'll tho-we'll tho tho-wea tho-wea tho-wea tho-wea tho-wea tho-wea-wea-wea, we will tho-wea, we will get tho-wea, tho-wea th tho th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the theat thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tho home they need some shit to listen to. But if you would like to support the show in these

trying times you can go to Patrion.com slash Buente Vista that also gets you access to our discord server we go to be haranged by a hooting horde. And that's like four cans of beans that's like a can of bean each of variety. of the variety. th I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. But th. But th. But th. But th. But th. But th. But th. But th. But th. But if th. But if th. But if th. But th. But th. But th. But th. But th. But th. But th. But th. But th. But th. But th. But th. But th. But th. But th. But th. But th. But th. But th. But th. But th. But th. But th. But th. But th. th. th. th. It th. It th. It's th. the it the it the it's the it's the it's the it's the it's the it's the it's the it the it the it the. And that's like four cans of beans. That's like a can of bean each of any variety. I mean it's like cannellini, kidney, black. Love a kidney bean, man. Love a kidney bean. Hmm.

All right, well, that's it for us for this week. And Ben, would you like to leave us with a statement of good vibes? Oh, well, yes. So, in a previous one of these, I said, you know, don't stress yourself out too much with this idea that you've got to be productive during this time because you're spending all this time at home and whatnot. And I stand by that. You don't, you know, you know, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you know, you, you, you know, you, you, you, you, you, you, you know, you're th, you know, you, you, you, you, you th, you th, you th, you th, you th, you th, you th, you th, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you th, you th, you don't, you don't, you don't, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thin, thi, thin, th, thin, th, thin, th, thin, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, too much with this idea that you've got to be productive during this time because you're spending all this time at home and whatnot and I stand by that you don't you know if if you're unfortunate enough that you're all fortunate depending on how you feel about it that you've got some extra time now because the way things have shaken out

you don't owe anyone doing anything with that time do whatever, but I reckon we're getting kind of to a nice enough point of time where maybe if you maybe try and do like a short free internet course in something, try and like I looked at one today on doing color grading for video editing because that's something I don't really understand, but I thought and I don't really plan to do any video editing but if I learn that maybe I can learn to do color processing better for fun. You can learn half of wine tasting on Coursera. Go for it. Oh yeah, how did that go? Did you keep up with your course?

That's great. I got to theaste wines and be real fancy. I'm going to try and build a sideboard. Oh, there we bloody go. Or a credenza, if you're an American. What's that all about? Gabonza, that. They're all over the place. I was accessing some of the free knowledge on hate site YouTube.com to see how I could use my router to do

dowel jointing in place of a drill press because I do not have a drill press but I do have a router. I almost bought a drill press just before everything went to shit I was so close I wish I'd done it but I don't have you got a plunge router? I don't. Oh well you're fucked. Yeah I'm fucked. Yeah I'm fucked. I'm fucked. I'm fucked. Yeah, I'm fucked. I'm t. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th. I'm th. I'm th th th th tho tho tho I'm th tho tho to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the router. I the the the router. I the router. I th th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th th th th th th th th th th th th th out th out th out thou thou thou thou thou thou thou thou thou to to to to to to to to to to to to to thou to thou to thou thou to to to th was so close I wish I'd done it but I don't have you got a plunge router? I don't. Oh well you're fucked. Yeah I'm fucked basically but that's that sounds great though for you. It is. So there go folks get yourself a little education maybe maybe learn a little more about beans so that when the time comes you know where to invest your money. The oil market is crashing, but beans, way up! Thanks for joining us, and I think we're going to pull up the old anchor and sail away.

Thanks for having us on Stoat Free Island. See, but... I want to see anybody. I don't know if it's a stoked.