Boonta Vista - EPISODE 154: Cum And Son Plumbing

Episode Date: June 22, 2020

Lucy, Theo, and Ben go through the hall of fame of Australian public figures claiming they've been hacked, plus the famous "Lime scooter rant." *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Merchandise: boontavista.com/merchandise Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Welcome to Wunvista episode 154. You're here with me, Theo, in Purgatry. I am of course floating in a fourth dimensional cube cut off from all of my senses. I'm not having a bad time actually, not having a good time. But on the whole, I would say, sort of neutral, right there in the middle. I am of course here with Ben, who is continually waiting for an appointment which is delayed by five minutes every five minutes he's checking his watch. Turns out it is the square root of negative one o'clock and getting earlier by the minute.

How are you, Ben? Look, I'm confident. I mean, the lady who keeps telling me there'll just be another five minutes, she seems very nice. She seems very nice, shapeless and formless, and sort of just... To determine any of her qualities actually, the fact that I have gendered her as female is actually probably wildly sexist, uh, given that she has no shape or attributes of any kind. Yeah, but just a vibe you got and sort of maybe a 40, 50 hertz vibe. Yeah, that's you know one of those that's often more feminine frequencies.

Yes. Yeah, like house power. And of course we are here with Lucy who is trying to tune in a broken transistor radio so that she can listen to the latest album by Muse. She's been doing this for 40,000 years. Oh, you're Lucy? What a fucking terrible punishment. This is awful, Purgatory fucking sucks. It's not really a punishment, there's no pain involved.

Is it there? Kind of a, kind of a, kind of a, me-uh, feeling to it. Accidentally successfully hear the album, that'd be painful, am I right? Oh, that's right. Hey, yeah. Are they still releasing albums? You would assume so?

Probably. Oh, no, we are here in, in pur pur pur of course, the same thing seemed to keep occurring over and over again. We're stuck in a perpetual time loop. And one of those things that is continuing to happen over and over again, with no reason, sort of stretching out into infinity, is Australian public figures making bizarre posts on the internet and then claiming that they're hacked? Well, and you know for all we know they could be being hacked. Sure.

I mean, the AFP doesn't agree in some circumstances, certainly, but they could well be. This is something that happens a lot. People go online and they'll say something, and then people will see that something, and then they'll go, wait a minute, that was a bad thing to say. And then people feel regrets about posting that thing, and they can go in a number of directions. They can say, well, I just had five ambient,

and then I became extremely racist or a friend took my phone and they are extremely racist or the FSB hacked into my phone and they are extremely racist you know the list goes on and on and on and on but we thought we'd maybe collect some of the greatest hits of that happening this was spurt on by an incident this week, incident makes it sound very serious, where a comedian and television personality? Radio personality first, I think. I'm not very familiar with her oeuvre.

I know she's on the project a lot. Michelle Laurie is her name, not spelled the way that you would think. Certainly not. She... She... It's the furthestthe way that you would think. Certainly not. She... The furthest from the way you can think. But in a way, the closest to it. It's very phonetic. I will give her that.

That's right. She was on Nova, 106.9 Nova in Brisbane with Michelle, Michelle, Ash, Kip and Lutzie. They've got to fucking do that, haven't they? It's got to be one person whose name is like Tummo or Skippy or... Being on the radio just, it poisons your brain. It seems very bad. Well, so she decided this week to weigh in on one of Australia's numerous unfolding, ongoing blackface controversies.

Because of course, Chris Lilly's shows got taken off, I don't know, some streaming platforms or whatever, and Little Britain got taken off some other ones, and of course that was, you know, crippling censorship of a wealth of cultural history. We have to turn everything into a cultural war in Australia. We can't just deal with the actual issue. We have to just make people mad about their Chris Lilly TV shows. Well I mean five million Australians woke up one one and went to do their usual ritual which is firing up season one of Little Britain and turns out computer says no is what they experienced.

There. I mean they experienced. I mean, they're probably watching it on a TV. So I don't... Well, okay. I guess there's kind of like a computer. Yeah, I can see where you thought about that. What is a TV not a kind of computer, really? Oh, that's so true.

I actually think it's the other way around. A computer is a kind of TV. And that's one of those deep software problems will never solve. Never. So the show's got taken off. The people that usually do their thing where they watch an episode of Jonah from Tonga before they go to work were extremely mad. And then in some sort of Facebook argument, the official Michelle Lorry Facebook page responds to someone about Blackface in a comment that reads as thus, Blackface in American culture has a different context that reaches far further back than it does

in Australia. Frankly, and this will be unpopular but it is true, Blackface has no cultural relevance in Australia. The midstrall history of Blackface is largely unknown in Australia. There are still gollywog dolls for sale in Australia. Please don't think you understand the nuances of Australian racism or that we understand yours. So presumably this was directed at an American. The nuances of Australian races. Yes.

Which she is definitely grappling with here, I think. Well, is she, or is some anonymous hacker grappling with it I think. Well is she or is some anonymous hacker grappling with it there because her response to this because someone friend of the show Kathy Burris took screenshot that posted to Twitter that was then shared by also friend of the show Nina O'yama and then Michelle Laurie was under the impression that Nina O'Yama had taken a screenshot of a tweet of hers from 2009 even though this was a comment from her Facebook account that was still up at the time from like two days earlier.

Yeah. So this is what she said. Shout out to this person currently circulating an old tweet from me circa 2009. Mine was in response to a shit fight about Black circulating an old tweet from me, circa 2009. Mine was in response to a shit fight about Blackface on Hey Hey, Hey, it's Saturday. I was living in Brisbane at the time and responding to my Brisbane audience, furious at Harry Connick's objections. Oh God. Which must have been a fun conversation. Oh, I bet. My Brisbane audience.

Was I a bit soft on them? Maybe. Do you think anyone else in mainstream media in Brisbane was taking this position or anything like it in 2009? They weren't. It's called context. So, yeah, maybe it seems soft now. Does it take away from my 30 years of anti-racist activism?

Well, I'm comfortable in saying, no, the fuck it does not. So after many people pointed out to her that it was not an old tweet of hers she posted an update saying I have a terrible feeling I'm going to owe Nina an apology well actually someone is going to owe both of us an apology maybe maybe she'll still think I'm a duche I don't know but something weird is going on it looks on Twitter like I tweeted this message very recently, but I deleted Twitter ages ago. It is a Facebook post. Am I missing something?

Good grief. WTF, question mark, question mark, question mark, Jesus Christ. She then went on to call. Sorry, there is one bit in here, which I wish I could look up, but but, but, but, but, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th. thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, I, I, I, I, I, I, th, th. It, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. th. th. t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t twee. t twee. tweeat tweeat, t twe in here, which I wish I could look up, but unfortunately, it seems like a friend of the show, Twitter's Dero Delicious has been suspended, unfortunately, but before that, she got a direct message from an anonymous person saying, hey, what's, why are you going after Michelle for all this stuff? She hasn, she hasn't done anything wrong and, you know, she went on to explain that this very weird behavior from Michelle Lorry, a very public figure, so on and so forth. And it was only like later in the conversation that turns out that this is like her head of media,

trying to do like damage control behind the scenes, but not really casting any light on the th th th th th th that that that that that that that that that that that that th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, and thi thi thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and you thi, and you thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and th... th. th. th. th. th, and th, and th, and th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi thi thi. that, that, that, that, that, that, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. And, thi to do like damage control behind the scenes, but not really casting any light on the fact that this is a Facebook post that Michelle maybe made? Like, I... Do you ever just get into a story and just struggle to grapple with any of the salient points? It seems like, because that sort of revealed something else, right? Which is of course the suggestion that she is not the person running her... That's right. So almost seems like maybe the fault would lie with that social media manager, perhaps. But yeah, so they just slid into the DMs to be like, hey, please don't, by the way I work

for her. And then that solved the problem. I also feel like if that is the case that you would need sort of like on your social media sheet, right, for how you tweet or make Facebook posts in this case for Michelle Laurie, a person that definitely needs a social media team. Like you know, you just work your way down the matrix of, you know, in this case, do this. Say this, this is what Michelle believes in what her brand is, right? When you get to the end of the sheet and there's nothing on there, the thin their, thinneii, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thii, thi, thi, thiii, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi.. thi. this is what Michelle believes in what her brand is, right? When you get to the end of the sheet and there's nothing on there about denying any kind of cultural relevance

of Blackface in Australia, do you perhaps maybe check with Michelle? I'll just say, hey, do you want to give her a call? Should we just wait in on this? You know what, I'm just going to trot out this thing that you said in 2009 instead? I'm just just thi just thi just just thied just thi just just just just just just just just thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi thi thi the. the. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi thi th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi. thi thi thi. thi. thi thi thi the. the. theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeean the an the an the an the. trot out this thing that you said in 2009 instead. I'm just gonna copy and paste that. But of course that's not the line that they're going with. The line is not that it was a rogue social media manager. So after this, Michelle, yeah, she called Boris a psychopath, which was fun. Then she says that she's gonna get the cops involved. And then someone in the comments has just been like, thr-I I I I I I I I I I I I........ th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi's, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi's that's thi's that's not, that's not, that's not, that's not, that's not, that's not, that's not, that's not, that's not, that's not, that's not, that's not, that's not, that's not, that's, that's, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I's just th. th. I's just that's just that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not just that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not thoed. to get the cops involved. And then someone in the comments has just been like, why are you threatening people? Like I believe what I'm reading.

And she's just been like, I've been hacked, I'm freaking out. And then she deleted her Facebook page. It's a classic. It's just a lot of hackers in Australia. It's a perfectly normal sequence. And of course, you know, this th thing thing thing thing thing thing thing th thing th th th th thing thing thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, this thing does happen all the time. This is arguably, to my mind, the most famous case. Maybe just because I think the words racist chiropractor will pop into my head without any sort of prompting. This is a story from the Sydney Morning Herald from 2016. A Central

Coast chiropractor and former Liberal Party member has narrowly avoided jail for posting racist and offensive messages on the Facebook page of former Senator Nova Paris. Chris Nelson 64 initially claimed his Facebook profile had been hacked when messages were sent calling Miss Paris a black cunt and telling her to fuck off and go back to the bush and suck on witchy grubs. It's pretty racist. It's pretty racist. It's pretty racist. Yeah, I don't like that.

However, last month he pleaded guilty in Woi, local court to one count of using a carriage service to offend. On Tuesday, he was given an eight-month suspended jail sentence after the court found him, heard he had a brain snap. He was also placed on a two-year good behavior bond. That medical term brain snap. Police documents tended in court state that Nelson admitted to writing the post where detective visited Mente's Woy-Wy Chiropractor and Osteopath's Centre on May 30th.

However he told police he was not motivated by racism, but rather by government policies concerning illegal immigration and welfare payments to persons of Aboriginal heritage. His lawyer David Kelly said Nelson was sorry for what he has done and would send Miss Paris an apology letter. He said Nelson has since been educated in how to use Facebook. He said Nelson thought he was using a private group chat with friends and he couldn't figure out how to delete the posts. Oh.

It's incredible. I might believe that part actually. I mean, it's definitely like one of those thi th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th to delete the posts. Oh. It's incredible. I might believe that part actually. I mean, it's definitely like one of those things where your grandma will just post, hi Janine as a post, not directed to anyone. Status of Garlic bread recipe. Miss Paris shared Nelson's initial post saying it would be easy to block and delete him, but you wanted to leave it there to continue to show the ugly side of the country. Part of the post said, stop painting your fucking face with white shit in Parliament,

and other than being a runner, you are nothing. In another post, sorry, this is content warning for the sex part because this is really quite awful. Oh, I'm so so sorry for what has am not sorry for what has happened in the past. If it wasn't for the nonexistent stolen generation, you would have probably been raped by your father or another male relative or worse still been killed. So as I've said before, fuck off you, black cunt, we don't need or want you. Oh, stuff. In an interview with the Central Coast Express advocate, just before police visited him May,

he denied making the posts. I was clearly hacked. I'm the victim of a really horrible and extremely vicious hacking, he told the paper. I've had so many threats, like die you, cunt. Police have been alerted about this, and I've got my business alarmed, he said. I'm definitely not a racist. I've got friends who are aboriginal. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't they they they always. Don't they always. Don't. Don't they always. Don't they always. Don't. Don't they always. It they they th. It's th. I just. I just. I just. I just thoes. I just. I just. I'm the. I'm just thoes. I've thoes. I've thoes. I've th. I've th. I've th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I's th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the. I'm the. I'm the. I've got friends who are Aboriginal and family who are aboriginal. Don't they always? Don't they always? Just doesn't really ring true when you look at any of the other words. I just love when people are like, I'm not a

racist. I was just motivated by all these racist views that I have. Yeah, all of the things that I believe, I had a brain snap and I went and said all of the things thin' things things things things things things things that are things that are things things that are things things thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thin' thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th. th. th. thi thi th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thin thin thin thin thin thin thin to to to to to to to to toe toe toe toe toe an toe an the an toe an throooooooo' the the isn't thin went and said all of the things that are, you know, my underlying beliefs. I mean, he's in jail, right? Did he say he went to jail? Oh, God. Yeah. Yeah, it's weird to imagine that what if he's not like, like, what if he does have indigenous friends and family?

And they're just like, hey, um, saw all your posts, those posts that were in the news. Yeah. What the fuck? Pretty weird. Has anyone in Australia ever gone to jail for posting? I'm pretty, I don't know. So the thing that we get people under is that using a carriage service to offend? Which sounds like you're hanging your dick out of the side of an old time in like horse and carriage. Jesus Christ. Yes it does. It sounds a lot like that actually. I don't know if anyone's ever gone to jail for it though. Although I guess the fact that they said narrowly avoided a jail sentence means you can get a jail sentence as a result of it. I thin I think it is possible, but it'd have to be pretty severe and probably direct threats. There's also

using a carriage service to menace? Menace, harass or intimidate. That's the one. Penalties are intensive corrections order, suspended sentence, community service order, a fine. I don't know what any of that means. I don't know anything about law. I don't know why I of that means. I don't know why even pretended like I would. Oh, there you go. A New South Wales right-wing extremist pled guilty and was jailed over using carriage service to menace, harass or offend over comments over Jacin and Mosque threats. Yeah, right. So there you go. We've got a bunch more here. And nearly all of them are exactly the same in, uh, not in, not in. the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. to to to to thirty, threat. I threaten, to th. I th. I th. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A, th. A, th. A, th. A, th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. Any th. Any th. Any th. Any th. Any th. Any th. Any thin th. Any th. Any theean thean. Any thean. Any thean threat thin the the the thin th. Any th. Any th. Any threats. Yeah right. There you go. We've got a bunch more here and nearly all of

them are exactly the same in not in content but in substance. So back in 2017 this is an article from the Sydney Morning Herald Parliament could force an investigation into an incident that saw a defense industry minister Christopher Pines Twitter account interact with an explicit pornographic video. A mishap the senior terminal government figure has blamed on hackers. This is, I have to say this is my favorite variation on the theme. This is how they got Ted Cruz, like in a big old porno.

Of the one that kind of looked like his wife. Australian Conservative Senator Corey Bernati and opposition leader Bill Shorten have expressed concern about the implications of any breach for national security given the highly sensitive nature of Mr. Fine's ministerial portfolio. So I love this because this is clearly insincere on their part, right? Yes. No, I truly believe that Corey Bernardi believes there should be a criminal investigation into anybody liking porn. That is true. For sure. But it's just such a fun way to

bully someone who's clearly using a like a terrible excuse of just that'd be like oh you know yeah yeah couldn't have been me must have been a hack the people were like yes absolutely it's a hack and that's why we'll just fucking investigate the shit out of this. Well, see, the problem is if anybody, because this sort of falls on both sides of the political fence in Australia, right, with the ALP, and the Liberal Party, and if they have to challenge the sort of, the kind of veil of lies that you can use the, I've been hacked excuse whenever something goes wrong on your Twitter account, well then nobody's got that excuse.

So they all have to pretend like it's a valid excuse and look into it very seriously. Oh yeah, it could happen to any way us at any time. It happens to all of them so, so frequently. What they need to do is be using a better excuse like when Kurt Eichenwald said that he looked up tentacle porn to prove to his wife that it was real. Hey kids, come check out this fucked up cartoon porn, you gotta love it. It's much more unbelievable. It puts them in this position where they also have to try to find line between being like yes, it's very serious, but it's not too serious.

The article continues, there were also attempts to breach the Defense Industry Minister's Facebook account on Wednesday, as spokesman said, denying that the disturbance raised broader concerns. Mr. Pine's account liked to watch your video from account Triple X Porn Gay in the early hours of Thursday morning as people across the country were celebrating the result of the same-sex marriage postal survey. I was hacked overnight. I was sleeping at 2 a.m. Someone tried to hack my social media yesterday. Maybe they are making mischief over the plebiscite? Mr. Pine tweeted later in the morning. Maybe they were. Maybe they were. Maybe they were. Maybe they were. Maybe they were. their mischief in this case. Well the exact same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same the same the same the same to Environment Minister Greg Hunt, which is, every time we say his name, we have to remind people that this is not rhyming slang for cunt, it's a real man's name.

At the same time. It can't be. It can't be. Guys are fucking real Greg Hunt. This is a story from the SPS in May 2018. Hackers were not responsible for the Twitter account of a senior federal government minister, likeinginginginginging. the the thiiiiiii. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the the thi. the thi. the thi. thi. thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. It's a thi. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It's, th. It's, thi. It's, thi. It's, thi. It's thi. It's a thi. It's a thi. It's a thi. It's a thi. It's a thi. It's a thi. It's a thi. It's the account of a federal government minister. Hackers were not responsible for the Twitter account of a senior federal government minister liking, they always put that in quotation marks, an x-rated porn tweet, a federal police investigation is confirmed. Health Minister Greg Hunt asked the Australian federal police to investigate a believed hacking of his

Twitter account December last year after being caught up in the embarrassing online episode. The account was not hacked in a criminal sense, AFP Commissioner Andrew Colvin told a Senate Estimates hearing camera on Wednesday. Mr. Colvin said the AFP approached Twitter for information before coming to the conclusion no crime had been committed. I'm sorry, I've just seen the tweeting question is from the account, uh, BBW cumpumper 69. That is both the display name and the at of the account. Uh, the tweet itself is, full on tie here. Which facial queen do you jack off more to? Help me decide.

The options are at real Miss Banana. And at, uh, Maria Leon, Maria Leon, hard to say. Now, BBW Cumbull Pum for the 69, pretty funny on its own. What's even funnier to me is that when Yahoo News wrote about it, whoever wrote the article for some reason wrote it down as BBW cum plumber 69. I call the cum plumber. Oh no, I need the cum plumber. You pipe to get really blocked up. The same thing not with porn, having to Joe Hockey.

In 2017, he liked a tweet criticizing the Prime Minister and Immediately he did the same thing where he said I've been hacked the AFP's looking into it now It just seems like I mean What would this be is it just like some a group of like four chan adjacent people or whatever that are like? Breaking into Twitter accounts. Yeah, you know what really swinging the pendulum is just liking some porn. It's very strange I don't really understand what this would be other than like your staffers don't realize they're on the wrong Twitter account. 100%

most likely or you don't realize which is an easy thing to do I mean like as a minister you've gotten to be a minister by being a completely soles kind of dip shit so you're just firing a th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th just th just th just th just thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi is just like just just just just like just like just like thi thi thi is just just just like just just like just just just like just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi you've gotten to be a minister by being a completely soul that's kind of dip shit so just firing a staffer is the easiest thing in the world but then I guess they would probably have to get the point of actually proving that that staff did it as well so easy to say you got hacked yeah it also would be admitting that like just accidentally liking stuff is a thing as well That maybe that's opening up to being like well who?

That's a real thing you can accidentally like a tweet. It's I don't know why it'd pop up in your feet at this point Well people have people go exploring the likes tab in in Twitter for some tasty little morsels I think almost especially from BBW compumpter 69. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm IW Cumpumper 69. I'm pretty sure all of these have been discovered thanks to a Twitter account from Friend of the Show Josh Byrd from the band Velociraptor. He made a bot that just like watches the likes of federal politicians, maybe even some state politicians and then just says what there's done and shared the politicians, and then just says what they've done and shared the tweet and it was just from people sort of watching those and being like, oh, so good. B.W. Come Pub a 69. So, you know, to offset this

list of people claiming they've been hacked when they almost definitely weren't, there was an incident where someone actually was, sort of. So I don't know if you guys remember the 2016 census when the website was up for like two hours and then crashed and no one could actually do it. So that was a whole thing where the initial line was the head of the ABS, the chief statistician, I believe is his extremely dope title, came out and was like, ah, fuck, we were hacked. And then everyone was like, oh yes, you are hacked because of the overwhelming demand of people just using your service. But then the

government came out and said no, there was no hack, there was no attack, don't worry, nothing was compromised. But what they were doing was sort of try to trade a very fine line between saying saying, the their their their their their their their their thiiiii. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, their, their, thateea, their, that, that, that, that, their, theea.a, their, their, their, th compromised. But what they were doing was sort of try to tread a very fine line between saying, the data wasn't touched, it wasn't like a hack in that sense, but also it went down because of a denial of service attack from a foreign actor. So it was attacked but it was not hacked, is what they were going with. It was all very weird. So now you talk to people, like what do you guys remember about this? Like if I say what happened with the 2016 census? I remember that's when I learned what a D-DOS attack was.

Nice. Mm-hmm. I just remembered that there was, that they just hadn't scoped it out properly. And the service kind of collapsed under its own weight. Well, see, that's what I had also been led to believe about it. And looking back at it, it still seems like the official line is that it was at the Nile of Service attack.

But why? Why would anyone do that? No, it's because they know how important the census is to Australians. Yeah, that's right. I'm th. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they th. th. they the. the. the. they the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the., so back then, he's now the deputy prime minister. I don't know what he was at the time, but Michael McCormack was coming out and saying it was definitely not an attack. And at the same time that you did that, someone had apparently logged into the fucking word press or whatever for his website. And then, in between the body content of the website and the footer of the website, in, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, thoomome, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th th th th th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the thi, the thi, the thi the the thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii the the thi the thi thi, thi, thi, thi between the body content of the website and the footer of the website, in all lowercase and simply inserted the words gay sex, which is the single best cybercrime of all time. That's pretty good.

That's your traditional hack, back when the word hack meant that your friend just logged into your Facebook and said, I'm gay. I love dicks. You have been hacked by the master. So good. Speaking of random attacks, it's a time for a little segment we like to call, Nature Corner. And this is where I would play the theme if I had the capacity to do that. Mm-hmm.

And I'm going to stall for a little bit longer, because if the gap is as long as the thing is I don't have to fuck around with splicing the tracks. And that's probably enough time. Theo, do you want to walk us through this one. Absolutely. I'd love nothing more than to take you through the story. Alcoholic Killer Monkey leaves one man dead and 250 injured after going on rampage when his booze supply dried up. And this is from HellSite populated by criminals, the Daily Mail Australia.

So if anything in it sucks, it's their fault. Yes, absolutely. We take no responsibility for that. Yep. Now they do do the dot points at the top of the article so that you don't have to read more than one sentence at a time, which is, I think, helpful for the Daily Mail readers. And here's some of those. The monkey was formerly the pet of an occultist who fed him hard liquor in India. I'm sorry, one more time. The monkey was formerly the pet of an occultist who fed him hard liquor in India.

Ah, this explains so much. Mm-hmm. But when his owner died, the booze dependent imp went on the rampage. Okay. Now, was this a misspelling of chimp? Or... No, I believe they're picturing him as a small, devilish featured creature. A little ghoul. Yep, a horrible little pitchfork. Stinky little butt. And this is, I think, where we get into the territory, where I start to think that this

monkey's no good, named Kalua, he targeted women and girls in particular with his vicious fangs. You're saying you think that's no good because he really don't like Kalua, the alcoholic beverage. Terrible beverage. It's not good. And he has now been captured and we'll the rest of his days in a cage at the zoo. In bad monkey jack. That's what zoo should be. They should be prisons for bad animals.

And the good animals are allowed to roam free? Exactly. And who should decide who the good ones are and who the bad ones are, huh? Monkey Cops. Obviously. Now a pro-Monkey cop podcast. So, this monkey's no good and I'm just going to put forward the opinion that this is probably the world's first men going their own way monkey. Let's read on to find why. So yeah, so alcoholic kill a monkey left one man dead, 250 injured, which is a gigantic lump. That's insane. No one could stop him until he hurt 250 people.

250 people bitten by this mischievous imp when his booze supply dried up in India. The inebriated imp, they've gone back to that again, known as Kaluwa, was formerly the pet of an occultist who fed him hard liquor at his home in Mizupur in Uttar Pradesh. But after his owner died, the bereft animals stopped getting his supply of spirits and began prowling the streets in a furious rage. This part's no good. The Simeon targeted women and girls in particular with dozens of children left needing plastic surgery after he ripped open their faces with his fangs. Oh my god. Particularly funny that part. No, this is not a good monkey.

I don't like this guy. This guy is a fucking bitch. He's since being caught, the six-year-old monkey was eventually captured and hauled into Ken Perzou, where zoologist discovered that he was not only an alcoholic but he refused to eat vegetables. Ah, but I found Jordan Peterson. Yeah. Scientists believe that the occultist must have also fed the monkey meat. Another possible cause for his indefatigable and anger. It was also noted that the monkey had a propensity for attacking female zookeepers

and would also attack other monkeys who've put in the same cage. Jesus. It's therefore being decided, and then big, big hammer coming down, that Kaluwa will remain locked in a cage at the zoo for the rest of his days. It's the latest in a litany of shocking stories about monkeys to emerge from the subcontinent. If I saw that sentence in something from like the 18th century, I would be like, oh, yeah, of course....... th. th. th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, the th. And, the the the the the the the the, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, the. And, the. And, the. And, the. And, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, they, they, the the subcontinent. If I saw that sentence in something from like the 18th century, I would be like, oh yeah, of course. Among the charges leveled at the marauding space. I feel like this monkey probably deserves the death penalty. I'm sorry. Oh my God! There are certain crimes that are too, too hideous for a monkey to be allowed to come in.

Whereas I believe that he should just be put on a ship and sent to the colonies. I reckon put him on one of those like Anders Breivik style prison islands where he can do woodworking and learn how to paint and stuff and maybe it'll come good. Can rehabilitate this very sexist monkey? So among the charges leveled at the morauding species, robbery, kidnapping and murder at the end of last month, an Indian health worker was mobbed by a pack of the privates who stole coronavirus blood samples. Sparking fears that they would spread the disease.

Holy shit. We gotta do something about these monkeys. You're out of control. After making off with the three samples in Merritt near New Delhi, the monkeys scampered up nearby trees and then one tried to chew its plunder. The sample boxes were later recovered and had not been damaged. Myrot medical college superintendent Dirajaj Raj told AFP on Friday after footage of

the encounter went viral on social media. Monkeys are fucking terrifying. No, they're no good. They're no good animals. Don't trust them. Even when I see them at the zoo, I just get a bad vibe, you know. I'm like, I don't trust this guy. What does he want from me? Um, we went and saw the monkeys when we went to Japan, like the snow monkeys, and all they do all day is sit in this hot spring

and just have diarrhea into it for like 18 hours a day. Oh my goodness. The dream, am I right? And like you're not allowed to get within like 30 meters of them because there was no, no no, no, no, there. No good monkey there no good monkey monkey's gonna hurt you it's not a lot of good monkeys very dirty too I went to this this it's like a temple to Hunnaman in India like the like a monkey shrine type deal that had there's like they know for a fact that there are like a handful of specific monkey families there that havethat there are like a handful of specific monkey families there that have been there for like 400 years, and they definitely own the place. It's like fucking terrifying.

Like, you've got to go up this extremely long, narrow winding path where the whole thing is just lined by monkeys that is waiting for you to not look at them so that they could steal your shit. Oh my God. And it it it it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it's the the the the the the the their their th, like th, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like their their th, like th, like, like, like, like thi, like thi, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like thi, like thi, like thi, like thi, like thi, like their th, like th, like their th, like th, like th, like th, like th, like th, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the the the the the the the thi, a thi, a thi. Like, thi. Like, thi. Like, thiiiii so that they could steal your shit. Oh my God. And it was great. We didn't get, like a couple of times you'd turn around and realize they were trying to sneak up on you, but otherwise we weren't really fucked with, but there was this other like white tourist sort of near us There's just like 50 Indian dudes sitting around just laughing at her. It was great. And they were right to laugh

at her. It was funny. I don't like them. I think the way we've got society set up leaves us to have an adversarial relationship with them. If we also gave them like jobs and cars and stuff I think we could see eye wire with each other. So you're saying we should give them jobs. I'm saying like nature's clowns except if you went to Cirque to Solay and you got bitten directly on the face and hands. I've never been to Cirque to Solay and I can't rule out that that is what happens there. Well they are French. Are they is just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just the the the the the the the the the the the the c. the c. the c. the the their the the c. the c. I the the the the the the the the the the their. their. their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. the. thean. thean. thean. thean. th. their thean. their their their their their their their their their French. Are they or is just the name French? I never really looked into that. At least the clowns are French. I can only assume so. I don't know how to smoothly transition into this.

Yeah, should we go to... We just start with the headline that you've crafted for this story, Ben? We can kind of go from there, I guess. Well, I mean, that headline was not actually meant to to to to be, to be, to be, tha, tha, tha, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, their, thin, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thr, thr, that headline was not actually meant to be written aloud and there's no reason for us to do that. No, but I mean, we can still cover it. It seems a shame to throw it out. No, I think it's, I would say. I think if you see a bit of text where I put a question mark in brackets after it, we could probably ignore it, and that's fine. I saw the question, the question, the question, the question, the question, the question, the question, the question, the question, the question the question the question th. the question thi. thi. thi. the question thi. thi. thi, kind kind kind kind thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thrown question thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, it seems, thi, thrown, thi, thi, thi, tham, tham, tham, tham, tham, tham. It, tham. It's tham. It's tham, it, it, it, it, it, it, thi. It's thi. It's thr. It's thr. It's thr. It's thrown. It's thrown. It's to to to toooooooomomooooomooooomorrow, it's tooomorrow, it's tooomorrow, it seems thrown. It seems The Crime, if you can't do the line? Yeah.

And I think people will find that makes a lot of sense. So this is the story from the ABC. The AAA-T finds E-Scooter Giant Lime failed to disclose safety concerns to riders. It reads, there are growing calls that was aware of to riders. Pedestrian Council of Australia Chairman Harold Scrooby. A wonderful name. I wonder if he refers to all food he eats as scruvy snacks because I'm sure. Harold Scrooby is leading the push for reforms and argued governments needed to stop pretending

e-scooters are safe. He said he wanted to see scooters ban for footpaths and mandatory insurance policies implemented for riders. If you were hit by one of those scooters, the medical bills will come out of your own pocket, Mr. Scrooby said. Sort of. I mean, we're in Australia, so I don't know. You're better off being hit by a car. Oh, I understand now. Right, he's talking specifically about how having compulsory third-party insurance means that you will be covered. Not that physically you would be better off being hit by a car. Yeah, which completely untrue. All right, that makes sense. Up until this point for the last week, I've thought, man, this guy's a fucking idiot. Do you guys remember like that three-month period after lime scooters or whatever the scooter brand is in your local city got introduced before they were all thrown into the Brisbane River?

And it was impossible to no peace. Every day walking down the streets of Brisbane just surrounded by the sonic booms of these fucking scooters, like breaking the speed of sound on either side of you. I don't know if they had these in Australia. Brisbane was the test market, so we got them first. I think we were one of the first cities in the world to get them. Yeah, and really, I think bad planning, putting them in the city with the world's dirtiest river going through it first.

Oh man, I remember one thing I saw when I was working pedestrian was that there are a bunch of people in, I think this was around like the Bay area in the US where they would just take these grappling hooks down to fucking whatever body of water, the Bay I guess. Going trawling for scooters. 100% they would like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th, th, their, th, th, th, th, th, th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. And, th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiaa. thauuia. thauia, tha, tha, tha, I guess. Going trawling for scooters. A hundred percent, they would like, because they'd come up as like their last position would be near the water or whatever, so they would just throw these grappling hooks out and be like, oh, I got one.

And they'd take it back. Yeah, absolutely fucking baffling. So yeah, it was madness here for a while, which I've got some figures to back that up in a second. Mr. Scrooby said he believed riders should have licenses and e-scooters should be registered vehicles. The e-scooters have the same power as a motorcycle, yet anyone can ride with no safety training whatsoever. There should be strict disclaimers to make consumers aware of the danger of the danger to operate. The A-triple-C said Lime told Riders its Generation 2 E-Scooters were safe to ride,

despite knowing of at least 50 incidents where riders were injured. Which seems like too low, to be perfectly honest, because at my last job, the one of our interns came in twice, two different times, having come off a Lime scooter while completely shit-faced, missing 90% of the skin the skin the skin the skin the skin the skin the skin the skin the skin the skin the skin the skin the skin the skin the skin the skin the skin the skin the skin the skin the skin the skin shit-faced, missing 90% of the skin from his body, just looking like the guys from Chernobyl. Jesus Christ!

So if he's able to do it twice, I assume there's more than 25 riders of lime scooters in Brisbane. I, uh, I saw one story about someone getting pulled over in Brisbane when they're on an e-scooter and they blew 0.157, which is not good. Not great. In some instances, the scooters would apply excessive brake force or the front wheel would lock, causing serious injuries such as broken bones, damaged teeth, cuts and abrasions. The AAAC Commissioner, Sarah Court said Lime failed to comply with mandatory injury reporting requirements on at least 50 occasions where riders were harmed.

Businesses must disclose known issues so that consumers can take extra precautions if they still choose to use the products, Mrs. Court said. If a person has suffered a serious injury, illness or death associated with using their product either in or outside Australia, they must report it under the provisions of Australian Consumer Law. The H-WC said Lyme had acknowledged it contravened the Australian consumer law and admitted to breaching the reporting obligations for the serious injuries. Lyme scooters were pulled from Australian streets in March due to the COVID-19 pandemic, but the company said it would only supply the market. It said its newer Generation 3 model was equipped with both an electronic brake

on the rear wheel as well as a mechanical drum brake on the front wheel. So like a lot of these whenever you talk to people about it they're like, you know it's not their fault if people get drunk, get on a scooter and hurt themselves or whatever, which I don't know if I necessarily agree with it. But like here is an example of How the generation two scooters fucked people up. So this is from 2019 This is a story in the New Zealand Herald Auckland man breaks jaw after lime scooter locks up throwing him over handlebars

and Auckland man is suffering from a broken jaw in a range of cuts and grazers after his lime scooter locked up mid-ride throwing him over the handlebars the handlebars of a lime scooter who was riding on Friday evening on his way home from his local supermarket and sunny nook on the North Shore. Thompson was on route, home with supplies for his son's first birthday party on Saturday. He was midway down the hill when the wheels on his scooter locked. I was in the middle of the path and it was clear there were no bumps or anything. The wheels just stopped and locked in place and I got thrown off the front of the scooter. Thompson said he landed on his jaw before grazing his chest as he did so.

I don't like that. It was pretty bad thethe most pain I felt in a while. Wow. Thompson, who was a frequent Lyme user, said he lay for a while and shouted for help. He soon realized no one was around, so dragged himself off the ground and ended his journey on the Lime. Understandably, he gave the rider one-star rating. He then hold to his home in Tatar Vale, around one kilometer away. Thompson was eventually transferred to Middlemore Hospital as doctors were initially unsure whether he would need surgery on his jaw. They gave me morphine in hospital and I had 15 different x-rays on my face and a CT scan,

he said. Thompson said the doctors initially thought his neck was broken, hence the extensive x-rays. Fortunately, this wasn't wasn't was wasn't was wasn't was wasn't was wasn't was wasn't was wasn't was wasn't was wasn't the case was wasn't the case was the case was the case was the the the the their their their their their their their the hence the extensive x-rays. Fortunately, this wasn't the case, how both sides of his jaw were broken. He had multiple cuts and grazes and a broken tooth. I don't like that. It wasn't an outlier either. Like, this shit happened all the fucking time. The ABC records that in the first two months that Lime Scooters were in Brisbane, 120 people were taken to hospital with scooter-related injuries. Jesus. And like it was worse abroad as well. So this is a story from the AFR from 2019. In the US there have been at least 11 electric scooter rider deaths since the beginning of last year. In August Atlanta

banned e-scooter use between 9 p.m. and 4 deaths in a few months. In New Zealand, 23-year-old Tobin John Hunt died in September after an e-scooter accident that's been referred to the coroner. The first Australian e-scooter fatality occurred in May when a man in his 50s crashed down stairs on Brisbane's South Bank in the dark, suffering severe head injuries and a heart attack. The pedestrian council called for his scooters to be banned after the death and the Queensland government will review the scooters top speed after a coroner's report. So there's a lot about this that I don't enjoy. I don't enjoy the fact that your recourse,

when a scooter just like locks up and throws you like face first into the ground is to give it a one-star rating. Why are you rating this scooter? Why does it the ground is to give it a one-star rating. Why are you rating this scooter? Why does it work this way? Is it the individual scooter? Like, oh, I won't ride that one. That one's got a one-star rating for breaking jaws. It might well be, actually. I wonder, because there's no other point to having a rating on there.

It's not like you're feedback loop they've put in relating to the fact that they don't really have the budget in this for like a maintenance program for a lot of these things, to my understanding, they get kind of taken back to logical places by sort of like Uber style pickup drivers that can just sign up to go and pick up stuff out of the river and stuff? Please. They call them juices. They sure do. I watched a documentary on this the other day. So good. I love just the problems that come with these fucking weird startups that are just completely unregulated. Galaxy brain shit. They just make this happen and the city's like you can't do this this this this this this th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th. Yes th. Yes th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to to thi thi to thi thi to thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi these fucking weird startups that are just completely unregulated. Galaxy brain shit. They just make this happen and then the city's like you can't do this you can't just leave scooters everywhere and then they

just we just deal with it. Yeah well there's no law against it and if there is we haven't read it and we don't intend to. I mean this I think this is I thi this is really why I put this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is thi this is thi thi this is this is thi this is this is this is this is this is this this this thi this thi thi this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this is this is th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi they thi they thi they thi thi here is this is the crux of it is that it's so emblematic of all these startups where they're like, wow, the easy way to make money is for us to do nothing and also to not look at the consequences of our action. So you drop like 6,000 scooters in a city and you just let it sort of figure it itself out or like Uber is a great example of where they were completely illegal in most of the cities the cities th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th thi. th th th th th thi. the, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the thi. thi. thi. th th the the th the th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, the th. And, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. And, really, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, the. And, thean. And, why, thean. And, why, thean. And, really, why, thean. And, theat the. And, why, thi. And, why of the cities they started operating in and all they did was just like continually lobby the government while at the same time telling their riders hey if you get any fines we'll just pay them. Yeah. So they're willing to lose all that money because they don't care about profitability because Uber has never been profitable.

They just go in and completely fucking they don't operate according to any of the laws of society. They can do whatever the hell they want and then it's up to the places where they have decided to deploy to deal with it. So like I've got a few just, these are all taken from different puff pieces, but they're just sentences that driving me fucking insane. This is from that same AFR story. Transport of Maidroads Minister Mark Bailey said the riders must use the helmets provided on the rideable or bring their own. Lime scooters, I understand, has provided over 6,000 helmets and some of them get a little mobile and you can see them lying around not attached to the scooters, he said.

I would say I see more helmets free-floating than I do see helmets attached to scooters. There's like one that is on the corner of a construction fence next door to us that has been sitting there for I think like four months. So this shit's just everywhere. It's just like around the city. Yeah, they just lit it all over the fucking place. But of course, they don't really care about that. So this is someone from the government speaking. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, they's they's thi. And, thi. So, thi. And, thi. So, thi. And, thi. So, thi. So, th, and this is someone from the government speaking about it. There are issues where they're not always available, but I'm aware of people who use e-scooters and wear their own helmet.

You shouldn't just rely on whether there's a helmet there at that particular time, you can prepare yourself properly. So instead of laying the product they're selling that requires you to have a helmet. They're saying, hey, just take a helmet with you at all times. Just clip a helmet to your belt. Just whip out my helmet out of my handbag. It's fucking nuts. And then so because of all these safety concerns, the Queensland Transport Department in April of 2019 launched a $40,000 safety campaign about

e-scooter safety that's specifically trying to solve a problem created by a private company that has come here and not had any safeguards in place. It seems so nuts to me that they somehow shift this responsibility to us, the taxpayer. I fucking hate that. I think it's important to note that like all of these, all to us, the taxpayer. I fucking hate that. And I think it's important to note that like all of these, all these galaxy brain ideas and all this sort of fucking, you know, the Limescooters, Uber, all of these things are in place of making cities that are walkable or rideable, having public transport the works, because it turns out that all of the streets are way too long and the only way to traverse them now is using these e-scooters who have a

lifespan of about six months before they're thrown into the river and their batteries just leech out all of their heavy metals into the ocean. And there's hardly 10,000 of them left now. The river is barely choked with those huge, terrible silicants. But like, so this is, we've solved, well, we haven't solved a problem, and then we've created a new problem, trying to solve that problem where bikes already exist. I would say the opposite kind of the thing you

could compare this against and I don't actually have any figures to know whether this is actually financially successful or not but Brisbane has a bike share program and it rules. It's very good. You can use your go card you you swipe it you you take a bike which, way, way safer than a scooter. Who's doing this? What's wrong with you? I mean, drunk people are doing this, and they're doing it because it is legitimately, insanely funny to be shit-faced and get on a scooter and go 30 kilometers.

That's definitely the only time I would do it and that's very dangerous. That's the only time I've done it. So like, yeah, as they are saying, you know, you could just have actual walkable, rideable cities that encourage this sort of thing instead of allowing some fucking horrible private company that won't take responsibility for anything to swoop in and try and fix a problem, but doing it badly. So there's all sorts sorts sorts th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thio-a thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only their th. their th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. te. te. te. teoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. the. the. op in and try and fix a problem but doing it badly. So there's all sorts of justifications for why they say that these things are so important. This is from another big puff piece in the AFR from November 2019. The Australian climate is hot and sticky, Limes head of government and policy for the Asia-Pacific Mitchell Price says, if you're in a a suit and try to move around, the last thing you want to do is go up a hill and sweat even more. But the car's not all that's being unbundled.

Public transport is expensive, says Price, and governments can't be expected to continue to throw money at these things. Later on the story of the first trip that he did with one. It costs $1.00 to unlock the vehicle and $38 a minute to ride. My aforementioned one kilometer joint down the Brisbane River path took me 12 minutes and sent me back $5.90. All right, so this is about tackling the expenses of public transport according to this fucking guy, right?

For $6, on a paper ticket, which most people here, if you live here, you'll have a go card, for $6, you can travel two zones. In a two zone trip, you can go from the CBD out to Springwood or from the CBD out to Lawnton, those are about both 20 kilometers, over 20 kilometers? Yeah, if you're a go card. You can catch a ferry from UQ from UQ, all the way up to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to Bli, to Blip, to Bl. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S. the the the the the the the the the the the?e. the. the theuuuu the the thoooooooooooooooooooe. the. thea. thea. the. can catch a ferry from UQ all the way up to Bollimba, which is a tremendous distance down the river, right? And a tremendous trip. It is absolutely beautiful. You're just making up words in my opinion, but I'll just allow it. It's just it's insane to be like it's very cost-effective. It'd be like, thrown. thrown. Yeah, not to mention mention the fact the fact the fact to mention mention mention mention mention mention mention mention mention mention mention mention mention mention mention mention mention mention mention mention mention mention mention mention mention mention mention mention mention mention mention mention mention mention mention mention mention mention the fact fact fact fact fact fact fact the fact the fact the fact the fact the fact the fact tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-o-a-a-a-o. to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi. to thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi-a. thi-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-s. thi-s. tho-s. tha-e-e-e-e. tha-e. tha-e. tha-e. tha-e. tha-e. t is crazy. You can buy like a whole day ticket. Yeah, not to mention the fact that if you're on a concession, like I was when I was a student, that's half price.

So I would get from my house, which is, what, 20Ks from the city? Yeah, about that. To uni, for about $2.00 and then I gave myself a concussion of thuuuanususususususus. two dollars and five cents. Yeah but imagine if you did on a lime scooter. Yes and then I gave myself a concussion of the anus when I fell off landed exactly into a into a dump truck. There's another bit of a story that I really liked here just to see this number written down is incredible. At least 10,000 of Lyme's helmets were stolen in Brisbane, leading the company to change the design to make them less appealing. They can be seen on cyclist

heads and tied to fencing at random throughout the city centre. A fun thing, fun part about the helmet problem as well, right? So when I was in my last year of uni, someone actually proposed, so we did like a project semester, and someone actually proposed like linking the helmets to Bluetooth, like via Bluetooth to the scooter and put together this whole thing and the first question that was asked is like, but hang on, isn't all of this more expensive than one helmet? So effectively, like the helmets are so cheap that they have absolutely no recourse to making sure that they don't end up in a th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their the the their their the the the the the the the the the the. the. the. And the the. And the. And the. And the. And the. And the. And the. And the. And the. And the. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the. And so the. And so thean thean thean thean thean thean thean thean thean thean thean thean the. And so the. And so the helmets are so cheap that they have absolutely no recourse to making sure that they don't end up in the storm drain.

The solution to all of the helmets being stolen, 10,000 helmets being stolen is to make 10,000 more. Well, no, the solution is to make 10,000 uglier helmets. Just like put some ugly pictures on them. Just fucking draw a big dick on them or something. Yeah. I will admit that like they are a relatively cool helmet. If I was going to choose, you know, the city cycle helmets are awful. The Limescuda helmets just look like a like it's a skate style helmet, you know.

But now they all have this guy's dick stinks printed on the back of them. Flashing LED lights actually, it's insane. Gay sex in big letters on there. I would steal so many of those. I would love that helmet. So their other big argument is that they're supposedly green, but as Theo said, they have an incredibly short

lifespan. This is from that same article. LIMSAP even displays how much carbon dioxide is saved per ride in what you might call virtue self-signaling. I don't know about that. But as oversharing editor Griswold points out, regarding the ducing model, paying freelances to drive around looking for scooters to charge is bad for the environment and also not the ducing model, paying freelances to drive around looking for scooters to charge is bad for the environment and also not the most efficient process for the business. Researchers at North Carolina State University examined e-scooter's green credentials, including their manufacturer and brief lifespan. Although emissions were about half those of a standard car, the trip still produced more

than an electric moped, electric bicycle or a standard diesel bus with high ridership. And only a third of passengers surveyed actually replaced a car trip with a scooter trip. Almost half would have biked or walked. 11% would have caught a bus and 7% wouldn't have made the trip otherwise. Overall the researchers said there was a net increase in greenhouse gas emissions from e-scuter rides. However, if e-scutters scooters the the the the the the the torsorsorsorsorsorsorsorsorsorsorsorsorsorsorsorsorsorsorsorsorsorsorsorsorsorsors is e-s c-s c-s c-s c-s c-s cuttersters the the thi-s cutters thususususususus cutus thususususususus thus thus thus thus thus toe th. to to to to to to to toe toe toe. toe. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi-s are thi-s thi-s thi-s thi-s thi-s thi-s t. t. t. ttaeasease. tttttttriease tttriease triease ttriease togease toease toease toease trie rides. However, if e-scooters had a lifespan of two years, they would be the cleanest powered option almost all the time, according to the NCSU modeling as 95% of total emissions are comprised of manufacture and charging. Which is an important point, right?

The actual manufacture of aluminium of aluminum, and I'm assuming lime scooters are made of aluminium. Aluminium is the single biggest load on the electricity grid in Australia. I didn't know it. And it is almost entirely powered by brown coal. So like to say that these things are cost-effective or emissions effective when all you're doing is measuring the trip emissions, right? which is, you know, you can power from a battery, which you're the thatry of-a-tha- of- of-of-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-all-up-up, th-all-all-all-all-all-all-all-all-all-all-all, th-up, th-up, th-up, tho-up, th-of-of-of-of-of-of-of-of-of-all, the-of-of-of-of-of-of-of-of-of-of-of-of-of-of-of-of-of-of-of-a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, th, th, th, th, thi thi-aluuuu. thi-alu. thi-alu. thi-alu. the-a-a-a-a-a-al-al-al-al-al-al-a-al-al-al-al-a-a-a-a-al-a-a-aluuuu. th. thi-auuu. th. th. thi-a- cost-effective or emissions-effective when all you're doing is measuring the trip emissions right which is you know you can power from a battery which is you know potentially charged by solar panels or whatever the fuck is completely outside of the point which is like the entire end-to-end analysis of how much they use especially if it's gonna end up

again in the river after three months and then someone else has to go and fuck you know smelt more the the the the the the you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you th th you you th you th th th. You th. you the th. You th. You th. You th th th th. You th. You th th th th. You th th th. you can th th th. you can th th th th. you can th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. you can th. you can th. you can th. You can th. You can th. You th. You thi thi thi thi thi the the the the the theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. thi thi thi thi thi th going to end up again in the river after three months and then someone else has to go and smelt more aluminium to replace these things. It's ridiculous. It's fucking stupid. And it almost seems like, I don't know, maybe there's some sort of way where we could try and solve our transport problems not by randomly letting companies run a market in cities but by actually looking at these things and, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you know, you, you, you know, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, th, th our transport problems, not by randomly letting companies run a market in cities, but by actually looking at these things and working on a high level. Just replace everything with a startup.

Just get a train startup going on. There are legitimately green solutions to these things, but they, the problem is that they involve hard problems with hard solutions, right, which is making your cities be walkable and bikeable and all that sort of stuff. Like in Europe it's very, very common for people to purchase e-bikes now, which again, you know, you've got the same manufacturing problem, but they're expected to last you thousands and thousands of kilometers, right? So to get you to work instead of you know driving a car or what have you because all of that infrastructure is between you and the place that you that you work. I will say that Brisbane is doing some good

things in this regard. They've built a shitload of bike paths, not enough but you know it's good but it's not helped I but you know, it's good. But it's not helped. I would say that it is actively harmed by the introduction of shit like this, where people can kind of just take the easy way out. We should all just get Vespers. Let's make it a real Italian out here. They make it legal to ride your Vespa without wearing a helmet, you're allowed to smoke while you're actually, that's probably not a crime. Isn't there, isn't there literally a pizza place called Vespa Pizza in South Brisbane? Oh yeah, I'm pretty sure there is.

And the deal is that they deliver your pizza on a Vesper? God, I love that. Amazing. It's a, the friends of mine that have the farm out of the that's the today. Dad got given an old Vesper that he's been using as like a getting from one side of the farm to the other vehicle. And it's like a fucking classic Italian-ass-looking one as well, it's so good. I wish that was me. It's apparently got enough power to get up the hill, which none of us would have thought.

That's actually strangely impressive. Well, that'll probably do us for this week. Your crime pass for this week is steal a lime scooter, pick it up, put it in the back of your car, cut out whatever part of it is the decision-making part of the circuit, and then just connect the handlebar directly to the motor. It's yours now. I assume that's how it works. I mean, how hard could it really be to hack one of these scooters? Also who's going to come and get you if you steal

it? They got their own police in there or something? I don't think it's just take one home. Line probably has like two employees in Australia and it's their PRER. It's their PRANTER. their per se. their, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like their, like, like, like, like their, like their, like their, like their, like, like their, like their, like, like their, like, their, their, their, their, their, th. th. tho, their's their, tho, their, th. Who's tho's tho's tho's th. th. th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th. th. Who's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Who's thi's the is the is to to the to to to the to the to to the to theei's thei's the. Who's the. Who's the. Who's got to be way more expensive to actually go after these scooters than it is to just write them off, right? Just make another one. Yeah. Just get another one. Especially if all of the people that you send after the scooter keep getting caught in like jungle style rope nets. You've got a full far cry on your house. Give it a try. I remember I wrote about when that guy smashed his face and was just trying to get a single goddamn word one way out of the Lyme PR person in Australia and it was fucking exhausting. Me just being like, okay cool is

the same model of scooter available in Australia and they'd be like we are so committed to safety. I'm like, all right, but if you could just say like, yes or no, that'd be awesome. We love safety so much. It's fucking awful. Yeah, steal a scooter. Mm-hmm. Go for it.

Yep. And we'll, oh, wait. No, this is a main we have to promote the other stuff. You can get bonus episodes by supporting our Patreon. At the moment they're free, but I think we decided we were going to finish that at the end of June. So if you've been enjoying that bonus content and you want more of it, you can support us on Patreon. If you don't want to, you don't have to. That is the beautiful part of the deal. That's right. If you don't want to give us us us us us us the to give to give us the to give the to give to give to give their to give to give their their to give to give to give their to give to give to give to give their to give to give to give to give to give to give their. their. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. their. their. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. I, their. I, their. I, their. I, their, their, their, their, their, th. I. I. I. I. I'm th. I'm th. I'm their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the beautiful part of the deal. That's right. If you don't want to give us your money, then give it to Act Blue, Antar, or Sisters Inside instead, please, because they... I just spend it on... Actually, I don't spend the money.

Because that's... You hate spending money. I can't stand it. But you guys probably spend it on rent and food't know. I spend it on rent and food. Yeah, me too. That sort of stuff. Mostly those. So if you don't want Ben to eat, don't need to act more.

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