Boonta Vista - EPISODE 165: Touched By An Andrew

Episode Date: September 6, 2020

Trump's beautiful boaters are facing Poseidon's damp wrath, Tony Abbott has changed his mind about whether old people deserve to live, The Man Who Ruins Funerals, and Queensland Police continue to be monsters. *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Merchandise: boontavista.com/merchandise Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Welcome to Buente Vista episode 165? I looked that up right before I started. God damn it, correct. Yes, it's 165. Episode 165, I am Andrew and I'm here at a hostage negotiation. Being the caring and loving members of the police that we are, we are here to do the right thing. Glass is fogging up, holding a bullhorn in one shaking hand while he Googles reverse psychology on his phone.

It's Theo. Hey, so just be, be kind, okay? If you don't have any feedback that's positive, just, you know, I'm trying my best. Are you saying that to me or to the hostage? I'm saying this directly into the bullhorn. Oh boy, well you keep out it buddy, you know, maybe post something on Reddit, see if you can get any replies over there. Maybe a quora post on how to resolve this situation. We'd have it sorted out nice and quickly. Over in the SWAT van where she should be watching

the video feed from the security cameras inside but instead she's watching game 7 of the Stanley Cup playoffs where the islanders hold a two-goal lead over her beloved flyers, it's Lucy. Oh that's meta. Don't like don't like everyone knowing that that's what I'm doing right now. Listen, I don't negotiate with terrorists. Well, you're not supposed to be doing that in the van to be fair. Yeah, I guess so. I guess so. Whatever. Is this more of a situation where if a game seven doesn't work out, we're going to have two people up there that we're trying to knock down. That's exactly right. That. That. That. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. that repelling down through the ceiling to murder the hostage

taker from behind, only to wind up upside down with his dick and balls tangled very tightly in the ropes, it's bent. I would be embarrassed about this if it wasn't exactly the sort of thing that I was into. This is actually a wonderful outcome for me. I'm feeling sexually gratified, and I'm about to fuck and murk this fool. Yeah, they're hanging upside down, face turning bright red, big smile. Imagine if this was something that happened in every Tom Clancy novel, like it's the thing that he just tried to shoehorn every time. It's like, it's not like all those real incidents with Navy Seals, where they would go, hey we're going to drop you 500 meters offshore next to this cliff and then they all just drown, which has happened a bunch of times

apparently. Well they should stop doing that. Sounds like a bad idea. Have you seen that the guy from SEAL Team 6 who is like credited with, he's really specific, he's really specific with his wording, he says that he put a bullet in a some of enlightened, but doesn't say that he that he that he thi that he thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, theoleole, theole, the, the, theole, the, the, the, the, the, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th is th is th, th, th, th is thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, the is the is theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeea, thea, in a sum of in Laden, but doesn't say that he killed him, which is very confusing, but he's very, very active on social media as like a mugger influencer type guy. It's just fucking like, you'd think maybe, you know, took out America's most wanted or at least was there at the time. You probably don't need to do little hashtag games and stuff. You can probably just like live out the rest of your days without that. It's so weird.

Surely your existence would be just going from bar to bar getting free drinks for the rest of your life? Just being like, oh, by the way. He, yeah, I put a bullet in in Martin, so, um. Enjoying your PTSD for the rest of your life. He did that, he posted a photo of himself on like a Delta Airlines flight, right, without a mask and just posted it with the caption, I'm not a pussy, and then immediately got kicked off the flight. Did they ban him or something? I hope

so. They did. Why? Like ask him to take the post down or something as well? Yeah, something like that. He was like I took it down because my wife said so. Respect. And then his like response to it after that happened was like, uh, thank God the flight into kill Osama Bin Laden wasn't Delta. I don't understand what the significance of that would be. But you would have been banned. And it wasn't even like struck by enemy fire, they just hit a wall. It rules that you can go online and this, like there is just this beaming into your brain and there's nothing you can do about it. You can't log off but you can't do about it. There's absolutely no action you can undertake to remove yourself in the situation. It's kind of good though that like

you know on the whole cyberbullying probably bad. Kids at home if you're listening. Especially if it's on the whole. But it is good that you can like you a person of not much, not you particularly the, I mean people generally you don't have to be a famous person, you don't have to be anything, but if you get the perfect reply, you can force the guy that put a bullet in a sum of in Laden to read a tweet where you call him a fucking idiot. Which is really beautiful. It gets this real like egalitarian approach to communication in the world where if you own someone just enough it will be forced to go to the top of the replies and to, and to, and to, and to, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, the, the, and the, and the, the, the, to, and to to, to to, to to to to, the, tho, to be, to be, to be, the, the, the, to, to, to, to be, to be, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to be, to be, to be, to, to, th........... And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, they, thrthe top of the replies and they'll have to see it. It's really quite beautiful. You love to see it. I just I don't know who looks at like the last 10 years and says I'm going to be Chris Kyle too. Like the whole Chris Kyle thing didn't seem to work out that great he's

someone who went around afterwards going hey remember all those those people I domed. This guy is doing the, I'm the guy who shot Osama Bin Laden. No, it's no good. Chris Kyle, the guy that everybody remembers has the dude who made up everything, everything that he claimed to have done. Clearly made up the entire thing, and I suspect that that's the same with this guy.

Probably, maybe clipped Clearly made up the entire thing and I suspect that that's the same with this guy. Probably. Maybe clipped Osama's ankle as somebody else was shooting him directly in the forehead and he was like, it still counts, just whispered to himself. Well, Osama was busy playing a 64 emulated even know he was in the room. So, you know, we're all good, good police like they all are. What's going on with the police in Queensland, Ben, who I believe you personally trained? Yes, that's true.

I didn't really want to talk about what my day job is on the podcast ever, but I'm the guy that trains Queensland police. So this is not a funny story. Probably just going to put that little bit of preamble here. This is something that has been unfolding for a very long time, but this is... It's somehow gotten even worse. This is a story from the Guardian. Queensland police officer who leaked address of domestic violence victim has conviction overturned.

A Queensland court has overturned a suspended jail sentence and conviction handed to a police officer who hacked into a confidential computer system and leaked the address of a domestic abuse victim to her violent former partner. So this happened quite a while ago but it's now just gone back to the courts and he's had it overturned because apparently any form of justice on this will be just too much. Senior Constable Neil Punchard pleaded guilty to nine counts of computer hacking last year and was initially sentenced to two months prison, wholly suspended. On Tuesday the Queensland District Court set aside those penalties, ordered Punchard to instead complete 140 hours of community service

and determined that no conviction be recorded. Punchard was stood down for frontline duty in 2018 and formally suspended in 2019 on full pay. Classic cop move. To punish you, you will be having a holiday. Congratulations and I hope you learn your lesson. The successful appeal and lack of a recorded conviction may mean police are now unable to sack him. In 2014, Punchard accessed mean police are now unable to sack him. In 2014, Punchard accessed two separate police computer systems to attain the address for woman in other details. He sent to her estranged husband, his childhood friend.

The recipient of the text message would later be convicted of domestic violence offense. He threatened to kill his former wife and strap bombs to their children. Huh. Just tell her you know where she lives and leave it at that. Loll, Punchard wrote to his friend after sending the address. In another message he said, the police will contact you if they want to speak to you, then you give them my name. That is your get out of jail free card. Wow. It's just right out there. It's right out there, right? In his decision, District Court Judge Craig Chowdery?

Craig Chowdery. Craig Chowdary said he took into account. Craig Chowdary. He took into account Parchard's age, 54. And he's likelihood of gaining other employment if sacked from the police service. Come on. It's funny because like you would assume that the types of people making this sort of decision were quite conservative socially.

And isn't the whole thing with conservative governments these days that we're like, we want elderly people to have the dignity of working. Of continuing to work at Bunnings until they are 75 so that we can stretch the pension out a bit further. Oh look, please, I'm sure there's no security company in Australia that would happily hire a cop that had domestic violence issues against his name. Ha ha ha ha. There was no specific evidence before me that a conviction would result in the appellants dismissal from the police the police the police the police the police the police the police the police the police the police the police the police the police the police the police the police the police the police the police the police the police the police the police the police the police their their th thoing thoing thoing thoing thi thiiiiiii, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thii, thii, thii, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, they they they are thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the.. theiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, they're they're they a conviction would result in the appellant's

dismissal from the police service, but that was the implication made by the solicitor for the appellant in the court below. So it wasn't even, it wasn't even like, you know, proof to anybody's satisfaction. It was just like there was a bit of a vibe. There's a vibe that he might get fired from the police, a place where he definitely should not be working. But instead, it's safest to keep him with all the other police where they can keep an eye on him. Make sure that he doesn't do anything else bad. Keep him honest. Logically a conviction for a serious offense would result in an officer's dismissal.

Yes. Yeah, you would hope so. You would really hope so. Huh. The judgment said there was, quote, no evidence put before the court to indicate that Punshed was aware of any allegation of domestic violence and that the officer had claimed he checked whether any order was in place before acting. So they're saying that he's gone, oh well there isn't a DVO on the books yet, although there will be one in time. But he's also sending text messages saying, fuck her up. Tell her you know where she lives.

And then when you get in trouble, I will get you off the hook because I'm a police officer. And that's how the law works. He should have covered his tracks by sending some text messages that said, um, hey, here's the location of your wife, who I don't know anything about the reason you can't find her, your wife who you have misplaced, you know? Hmm. This is bleak. It's very bad.

And this is only half of it. In deciding not to record a conviction, Chowdery also took into account the serious nature of the offences. The punch out had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out to to to to to to to to to tooeded tooomomomomomomom-a to tooing to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the. the. the. theate. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. the serious nature of the offenses, the punch out had already been disciplined by the police service, the punchard had some symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder at the time, and his quote, otherwise good character attested to by referees including senior police officers. Oh, very little. Oh, the other cops said he's a nice guy, must be one. Oh, fuck me. Oh, the other domestic violence guys said that I'm good. So the Guardian did another follow-up article on this which had a few more details. The officer, senior sergeant, Neil Punchard, suggested in text message that his childhood friend

should, quote, let loose on Julie and quote, fuck her over. Text messages exchanged, exchange to show punch said he could turn up unannounced to one family law hearing, quote, and see Julie shit herself with me there. Punchard appears to have thought it was funny when he sent a home address to Ronald. This is the name of, well, the pseudonym they're using for her former husband. Just let her, just tell her, you know where she lives and leaving it that, lull, he wrote in a text message, discovered an old phone two years later. I await the email and her reply, lull, she will fucking explode la Mao. How old are these guys? Jesus Christ. In another message he said I have completed an email draft to send to the bitch that will hopefully

make her shit herself. So you know, sort of, sort of, maybe, the, the, the, the, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the the the the the the email, the email, the email, the email, the email, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, the the the the the th. I thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thea'... I'm thea'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'e'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'l, that,to the bitch that will hopefully make her shit herself. So I want to go over it with you before I send it to you. So you know, sort of maybe shows that his intentions were not benign. I wouldn't say that they're good. Just a bit. But of course it's okay because the police really cracked down on this guy. Continuing from the guardian here. Police initially took internal disciplinary action against Punchard. His pay was docked roughly $10 a week for a year. Oh, it's so good and a normal. Police said he had to drop down from 5 gigabytes to 3 gigabytes on his mobile plan. They decided to keep the matter in-house and not to pursue criminal charges for computer hacking. That's very nice. Well, they took care of it. Yeah, they took care the the the the the the their their their their their their thea thea thea thea thea thea toy. Police toy. Police toy toy. Police toy toy toy. toy. toy. toy. toys was toye. toy. toy. toy. toy, to to to to to to to th was was th was th was th was th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. t th. t t t t. t. t t t ttttt tttttttttttttttttttttttttttf. tf. to. tf. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. very nice. Well, they took care of it. Yeah, they took care of it.

Police twice lost CCTV footage, allegedly showing Ronald committing acts of family violence. Jesus Christ, come on. After the first instance at a McDonald's restaurant in Brisbane, Julie had confirmed with staff that the footage could be saved. Police later told her it could not be recovered. The second time, police taped over evidence of Ronald allegedly confronting Julie at a courthouse. When she complained about the bungal to an officer designated to handle her case, he told

Julie not to contact him again about her petty domestic violence matter. An audio recording of the conversation made by Julie was played on national television. Police ended an investigation because they could find no evidence about the exchange. God Almighty. This fucking sucks. Hey, but it's okay, because one of the cops tried to stick up for her. An officer who gave evidence in the tribunal in support of Julie, Lynn Jones, subsequently alleged she was targeted for reprisal disciplinary action including a misconduct charge for failing to wear her

police hat. So one cop breaks ranks and then they immediately just pile on that other cop. That's fucking awesome. Cool stuff. Fuck cops. It's just insane how much of like, the shit everyone knows that cops do. They can make it perfectly explicit and everyone's still like, oh, you know. Gotta respect them. One bad apple, etc. You know? Like the thing I keep thinking every time I see this because there was also an update not too long ago about a story that we spoke about on here ages ago, which was about a disability pensioner getting like a wellness visit from a fucking SWAT team, you know?

Oh yeah. And it was like six or seven cops who pulled this guy out of his house onto his front lawn and collectively beat the shit out of him with trunchens, pepper sprayed him, punched him in the face. After pepper spraying him, like, like, what, like, the the wellness, like, like, like, a a a a a, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, a, a the, a the, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, a, like, like, a, a, a, a, pepper sprayed him, punched him in the face. After pepper spraying him, like, washed the pepper spray off his face with a high pressure hose, laughed to each other while they were doing it about how much he likes it, all that kind of thing. And their case finally got resolved with a judge choosing not to record a conviction against the, I think, two of their case finally got resolved with a judge choosing not to record a conviction against the, I think, two of the cops out of the six or seven of them who got charged with assault.

And they said, we'll find you guilty of assault but not record a conviction, which is cool. And yeah, it just, and even during that case, the judge was saying to them, because they had continued to plead innocent the entire time, the judge was saying in their remarks, you have shown like no remorse about this at any point. You have not seen to acknowledge that you did anything wrong or that you massively abused your powers. You have not offered any kind of apology to this person for what has left them very fucked up over time, you know.

And yeah, the big takeaway for me over and over again, as it should be for all of us, is that there is no circumstance in which the cops will side with you, a normal member of the public, over other cops. No. Instead, we'll do this. If there is anybody who does side with you, we will drum them out of the police force for some made up rules about their hat. We have heard that there are some good apples here and we're doing our best to thought that out. Get rid of that. Stought that out.

Anyway, cool, that's a good feel-good story to start with. Nice fun story for us, Ben. Do you have any funner stories? I can't believe that that to me. That seems unbelievable. Look, I told you I was struggling this morning. It's father's day. It's happy. It's a happy. Happy. Happy. to happy. to happy. to. to. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thoomom. thoom. thoom. tho. thoom. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. too. too. too. too. too. to all the dads out there. Yeah, I've got a message, just, hey, to all the daddies. I've been asked to read that out. I hope. Read the rest of the message, please.

I can't read that on air. I do have a more fun story here. And it's sort of a dad story almost. I don't want to be kind of gender essentialist here, but I do think that boating is a very dad activity. This is a, and hopefully we can change that. You know, I'd love for it to be just as much a mum activity in the eyes of society. This is a story from The Guardian, multiple boat sink in Texas Lake at Pro-Trump Water Parade. Oh, that is a feel-good story. Isn't it?

A parade of boats in Texas celebrating their support for Donald Trump ended in disarray when multiple vessels got into trouble, o'errally choppel to sloatheat. they waters leading to several sinking and a slew of distress calls being made to rescue officials. Multiple media reports described a chaotic scene on Lake Travis near the state capital of Austin when a procession of boats waving trump flags and banners mowed over the waters but then got into the waters but then got into the waters but then got into the water. Videos of the event, the Travis County Sheriff's Office received its first call for help, relating to the event just after noon and multiple agencies'aaaaaaaanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananan to to the the the to the to the the the the to their, to their, to to to to their, to to to to to their, the water. The Travis County Sheriff's Office received its first call for help relating to the event just afternoon and multiple agencies quickly moved to assist people. So far

no injuries have been reported according to the New York Times. This is a nice bit of calmer this story because I don't know if anybody saw the video from a different Trump boat parade from several several weeks beforehand. But basically they do just get together in these big groups and then just churn on down the river wherever they are and they were like sinking unrelated people's boats because there's like so many of them so close together. Yeah. Barrelling along that they're just causing like this massive swell.

And they're doing it in quite narrow areas as well so you get a little waves reflecting back from the shore. Yeah and there's just like a local family who was not part of the parade who had their boat like you know near the shore and just got sunk just all this wash over the sides and then their boat just went under. It's like cool thank you thank you thank you the the boat the boat the boat the boat the boat the boat the boat the boat the boat the boat the boat the boat the boat the boat the boat the boat the boat the boat the boat the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. th. th. th. the. the. the. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. their and then the boat just went under it's like cool thank you thank you boat parade parade of boats is still very funny concept to me it seems I it's you know how like it's impossible to pin down but the way Trump refers to things and uses language is always just like slightly off big beautiful boaters I love my boaters. You know, I love my boaters so much.

It's just like not quite right in a way that I'm like, you just, it's not it. You're not saying it correctly. And I don't understand what it is that you're doing wrong. What do you think it is about the boaters specifically that appeals to him because in my mind it's kind of like it's kind of like some weird misguided understanding that he has of it's something that he could look out in picture that that's like a working class thing that's happening it's a working class activity somehow despite the fact that all these people are piloting boats that I could 1,000% not afford

they all look like boats that would cost 1,000 percent not afford. They all look like boats that would cost you a pretty penny. And then they all get out there and go, we love a big wet boy. But then it turns out that they are the big wet boys because their boat capsized. The lead image for this that the New York Times used for their story is amazing. It's just like a family in like a smallish like Santa Consul boat that is being swamped by Adulbus Waves while they're all still holding their drinks, try to keep them balanced. Oh, it's amazing.

It's very satisfying to look at. Yeah, and it's like, there's a couple of videos going around at the moment, and it's one, those things where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where th th thi their thi their their their their their their their It's objectively funny because no one is getting hurt. Like it's all of very slow capsizing that's taking place. There are people in these speed boats where just enough water has gone over the back that they've started to fill up a little, they've started to get lower, then more water is coming and whatever. So they're surrounded by dozens of boats that are absolutely fine. And they're just standing in these like $55,000 boats being like, oh I guess this is and that's okay should we grow our stuff? Okay they're just vaguely swimming over to

a nearby boat. It's just, oh it's so good. There is an unbelievable turnout for that event though like you, I saw a photo where someone had like done a big panorama of it and it is like an unbelievable amount of Unbelievable turnout for that event though. Like you, I saw a photo where someone had like, done a big panorama of it, and it is like an unbelievable amount of people went, which is why this went so badly. It's very strange, but good on them, you know, they had a go.

That's a cool type of like rally or parade, if you will, where the better your attendance is, the worse it's going to go for everybody.......... th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. th. th. th. th. that, that, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thi, thi, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, th worse it's going to go for everybody. Apparently there was another one of these I think it was at a lake in Oklahoma maybe where they had to call it off because they were having exactly the same problems which is fun just go slower you know he's back on the throttle, guys. They have to fuck everyone up. I like this quote from Trump. Yeah, it's funny. Trump himself has even spoken out in support of these rallies.

I just wish I had time. I'd get on one of those boats and I'd be carrying a flag also. I bet you would. I just wish I had the time to boat. See, I, he's, you know, because he's a classic rich guy guy, has he owned a, like a super yacht or anything at any point? He'd have to, right? I wouldn't be shocked if he had a problem with boats. Yeah, well he does hate sharks. He hates them so much.

Oh. And where are you likely to encounter a shark? In the ocean, generally. He has definitely owned a super yacht. Uh, the Trump princess. Oh. See, the problem with like Trump on a yacht is that all I can imagine is him on the yacht inside the cabin.

He's not, he's not like, he's not out on the bow or anything. He's not holding onto a railing and letting the salt water splashes face. He's inside, below deck in a suit and tie and he is standing up. This way very gently to counteract the motion load. He's correct very gently to counteract the motion of boat. He's correct to do so. You know how he has that like crazy forward lean on his stance? He's just standing up like that.

That's why he can't stand on the upper deck. Standing like that on the boat as it moves around the water. His head remains perfectly stationary, but the rest of his body just moves with the boat. Can I read you a little quote here from the website, Boat International? I would love that. Of course. A certain level of quality. That is the phrase that Donald Trump returns to again and again to explain why

he bought Adnan Koshoggi's 86-meter yacht Nibila. And an explanation is needed. After all, Trump doesn't water ski or go in for swimming in a big way, and he's always tried to avoid the sun. As a matter of fact, he's never owned a big boat before. He doesn't even particularly like boats. I'm not into them, he says with a shrug. I've been on friend's boats and couldn't get off fast enough. Exactly. It does not strike me as somebody who, it's all it's all far too out in the elements for him. I think. These are fuzles. Yeah, even you got to walk down to the pier to get on the boat, you know? That's true. You can't just imagine him like stepping off a pier into like the boat that's taking him out to his boat. This being like, oh, whoop. It's a great visual.

So you can imagine him liking planes a lot more because he's such a, he's also like a big clean freak isn't he? He is, yeah, big germophobe. Big germs guy and like, yeah, the ocean is one big toyle. Big germs guy. Big germs guy. Big. In the pocket of big germ. Oh boy, um, yeah, no one wants to fall off a boat and die. If I were to fall off a boat and die though, in the interest of keeping it real, which is what's happening to all of these people at this rally. They've decided to go out and keep it real, the Donald Trump. Things have gone the way they've gone. But if I were to die in the service of keeping it real real real real real real real, I the, I the, I the, I the, I, I, I, I, I, I, to to to to to to to tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tho, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to, to to to to to, to to to to th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thoooooooooooooo, the thooooooooooooooooooo, thooooooooan, thoan, if I were to die in the service of keeping it real, I would also want my funeral to keep it real.

I see where we're going. Thank you. Thank you for acknowledging this. I saw this article this week and was just extremely tickled by it. This is from ABC Sunshine Coast, which I'm assuming is the same outlet that reported on like the guy getting in the car wash last week. Yes, absolutely. Great team of people up there at the ABC Sunshine Coast.

Oh, I was concerned about the future of schoolies. So that's the gold coast, but close enough. Yeah, well they're all a kind of coast. They're the same thing, sunshine, gold. They're about the same words. So best not to think further on it. So they're so unbelievably disrespectful. But fair to it.

We're all familiar with the color of sunshine. It's gold. Sunshine coast good, gold coast, that's the crucial distinction. They're the crucial. If the that's that's that's that's the the c, the c, the c. That's, the c. That's, the cost is, the cost is, the cost is, the cost, th, the, th, the, the, the, the, the, th, the, the, the, their, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's. It's. It's. It's th. It's. It's. th. the. the. thea. the. the. the. the. their. the. It's the same place. So that doesn't matter. If you can picture the Sunshine Coast as sort of the left cheek and the Gold Coast is sort of the right cheek. And you've got a big beautiful Brisbane right in the middle. They clap on Brisbane. A quote from, I think it was Billy Connolly who went to Brisbane, had a really bad experience, then subsequently just kept saying that if the world needed an anima that they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they're that if the world needed an anima that inserted in Brisbane.

Rood, but okay, it seems very disrespectful. I do think to be fair that it's a powerful move to go somewhere exactly once, have a bad time and then just like walk around telling people that that's what that place is like as if every single day in history in that location has just been a bad day for everyone who lives there. Billy Connolly, you could not be more wrong. You are cancelled. Paid for by the Brisbane Tourism Board. You would work for them though. Oh, no, I had to do some work with a bunch of people from Tourism Queensland and it was fucking awful. It was heinous. I had such a horrible time.

PR people. Not a fan. Going in on Queensland now, I guess. I mean, I love the state still, just not the people paid to represent it to the rest of the country. So anyway, ABC, Sunshine Coast, coffin, Bill Edgar, paid to gatecrash Queensland funer and speak up for the dead. Something about this story really really tickled me.

Bill Edgar has in his own words quote no respect for the living. In his own words. Yeah, this guy doesn't care. He's fine. Instead his loyalty is to the newly departed clients who hire Mr. Edgar, known as the coffin confessor. Oh, you know, spooky noises. To carry out their wishes from Beyond the Grave. I don't, I think they just write it down, you know. Mr. Edgar runs a business in which for $10,000, I love this as a flat fee. That's a lot. I guess you can't really do like a sliding scale depending on the type of revelation. Oh, what type of ghost it's going to be?

Is it hostile? Oh, revealing a second family costs like twice as much, you know. He's engaged by people, quote, thi $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I don't, I don't, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, th, th, th, twice as much, you know. He's engaged by people, quote, knocking on death store to go to their funerals or gravesides and reveal the secrets they want their loved ones to know. Ten grand, you could just ask your friend to do this. Yeah. I'm gonna get this guy to go to my funeral and like reveal my funko pop collection to my wife. You need to break down the false wall in the back of the house.

Mr. Edgar, a Gold Coast private investigator. Hmm. The pop tickets. So the idea of his graveside hustle, don't call it that. Mm. Never, never do a post on LinkedIn that includes the words, graveside hustle. Graveside hustle sounds like one of those like short-lived dance crazes in the seventies.

Came when he was working for a terminally ill man. Quote, we got on the topic of dying and death and he said he'd like to do something, Mr. Edgar said. I said well I could always crash your funeral for you and a few weeks later the man called and took Mr. Edgar up on his offer and a business was born. I love when a business is born. In almost two years he has crashed 22 funerals and graveside events spilling the tightly held secrets of his clients who pay a flat fee of $10,000 for his services. Dressed in tailored pants and vest. What an odd detail to put in there. The pants are tailored? The vest is not to assume he's wearing no shirt? I hope so. He's not wearing a jacket, right? That's the implication there. I just, tailored pants is a very odd phrase to be here.

They're like, oh, a wonderful cut on your pant leg there. Are those tailored? I'll include that in the story. Perhaps it is to imply that he's somewhat classy, you know? Oh, sure. Like a private detective in a nice suit, or perhaps that he's keeping it respectful at the funerals that he is showing up at to say things. Yeah. Just stand up and shout, secretly gay at some point. Oh, so sorry, the second half of this sentence does answer the question. Dressed in tailored pants and vest, Mr. Edka said he was very respectful in the way he carried out his job. It wouldn't even catch him going there in th in th in th in th. that he that he that he that he that he that he that he that he that he that he that he that he that he that he th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He was the. He was the. He was the. He was the. He was the. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. He was. He was. He was. He was just. He was just. He was. He was. He was. He was. He was. He was. He was. He was. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's. He. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's t. He's t. He's t. He's just just just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's. He's out his job. He wouldn't even catch him going there in untailed pants.

This is so great that he considers this part respectful. I actually blend in with the mourners, he said. I sit with the family and friends. I sit in the middle with everybody. It's weird. You just be like, who the fuck is this guy? There's nothing more respectful than insinuating yourself into a funeral as though you were a loved one of the departed. Just trying to fit in, like, oh hey, yeah, no, yeah, no, I'm a distant relative.

Yeah, you know, she kind of, she buried a dog after it ate all the chocolate out of the cup. Just pushing his way on the couch between, you know, the mother and the sister. Just putting his arms around them. Yeah, it's very fucking sad, isn't it, ladies? Yeah. In the case of his very first client, Mr. Edgar said he was instructed to interrupt the man's best friend while he was delivering the ulogy. I was to tell the best mate to sit down and shut up, he said. He knew that his bestmate the best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best that his best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best mate that his best mate that his best mate had had had had been the best mate that his best mate that his best mate that his best mate that his best mate that his best mate that his best mate that his best mate the best. He had had had had the best. He had the best. He had the best. He had the best. He had the best. He had the best. He had the best. He had the best. He had the best. He had that his best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best. He that his best best best best. He had that his best best best best best mate that his best mate had been th. He had been th. He had been th. He had been th. He said. He said. He said. He said. He said. He said. He said. He said. He said. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was thi the best mate to sit down and shut up," he said. He knew that his best mate had been trying to have an affair with his wife. Oh no.

Oh, I love... Dog and the lad from beyond the grave. This is... This is a... This is like a confession or anything. This is just a posthumous own. Shut up, Tony. Might have been better served to do it in person before he died. But, but, but, but, but, but, but, to to to to to to to to to to to say, to to to to to to to to to to to th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to told, told, told, told me, told me, told me, told me, told me me, told me me me, told me me, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their, their, their, their, their, their, the, tell, their tell, told me, told me, told me, told me, told me, told me, told me, told me, to Julian in person before he died, but what are you going to do? Maybe, but $10,000 is a small price to pay to have somebody else do

your dirty work. That's so true. I've also had to ask three mourners to stand up and leave the service, and if they didn't, I was to escort them out. Is this under the official powers of the funeral crashes? What are you going th? th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho- tho-u. the thateateatu-u-u-up. tho-upy tho-up tho-up tho-up tho-up tho-up tho-up tho-up tho-up thu. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. to to to to to to to to to-s. to-s. to-s. to-s. to-s. to-s. to to toge. the. the. the. out? Is this under the official powers of the funeral crashes? What are you going to do? They'll just be like, no? Just scream, go on get out them until they leave. Throw some rocks at him. I was to immediately start pepper spraying the audience. With this funeral. My client didn't want them at his funeral and like he said it's his funeral and he wants to leave how he wanted to leave not on somebody else's terms. No haters at my funeral. I don't want haters at my funeral to be fair. It's the last thing you want. And I guess like you know you don't get an invitation to a funeral you just kind of show up.

That's true. You can't show up. Yeah, you can't not invite someone to your funeral, I guess. I guess that's true. I don't really know how funerals work. Never had one. You need more of a, more of like a velvet rope at the front, bouncer type situation. Consulting and clipboard being like, uh, the club is full, gentlemen. You're not on the list on the list on the list of three people that has a big fuck you written next to it. I'm to tell you, fuck you, and then not letting you into the funeral. Despite the confronting nature of his job, which I'm sure is still very respectful as he said earlier. Nothing more respectful than a confrontation. Despite the confronting nature of his job, Mr. Edgar said, quote, once you get the crowd

on your side, you're pretty right. A bit of warm-up work, type 5. What do you guys think about the M3? Oh, I just, this, this paints such a picture to me though. He has stood up and started to say, hear me out, these three people who are all family members of yours, and not mine, a guy you don't know who just stood up at this funeral. I imagine people are booing, possibly asking him to be quiet and sit down,

and he's like, no, no, you just got to push through the first 15 or 20 minutes of this. Yeah. Once you're in there, you're in it. He said, once you get the crowd on your side, you're pretty right, because mourners were keen to know what was left unsaid. People love juicy goss. Let him speak. Let him give the gossip. Spills a tea sir. Yes. He says some clients never had the opportunity to reveal their secrets while they were alive. That is not true. Not at all true. You can reveal a secret at any time. You really can. I think what he's actually saying is that all of his clients are cowards. Yes. Yep. And we would never say that but that's

essentially what he is saying. I'm saying it. When people are knocking on death's door, some of them are alone for six to 12 months before they die and they never see anybody. Oh, that's quite sad. The worst thing of all is the ones, pardon me, the worst thing of all is the ones they thought love them become the most, biggest, well, the love them the most. All right, I'm gonna give this one more try, Ben. Sure, go for it. You'll put a little note in there to say, pick one of the reads of this sentence. Yeah, I'll definitely edit this out.

Oh, man. This is revenge on me they thought love them the most become the biggest vultures in their life. Going Stan Lee mowed. He said his most confronting job was telling mourners at a bike he's funeral that his client was gay and his lover was in the audience. This didn't happen, come on. It doesn't sound real, does it? Sounds a bit made up.

This guy's grifting us, that's my opinion. He's going to the news and talking about all this, he's trying to get another 10 grand fee. I bet he's done this twice, max, a maximum of two times before. Do this three times a year, though, you've made a thr. you've made you living. There is something good about a local news story which at its core is somebody went to a reporter and said can you hand out these business cards for me? Like remember when we had that story about the guy who was like, oh millennials are turning down seven thousand dollar a day jobs.

Yeah it was like someone's anecdote. But really it's just him saying, hey I run a construction business and I would like some more employees who don't ask too many questions about their rights. Yeah. Mr. Edgar said his arrogance was what made his job possible. Good on him. Good for you sir. You've got to find your strengths, you know? Sure. All right. I'm a bit of a prick. Wait a second. Gotta monetize this. I think I think he thought of the idea and worked his way backwards into it. What if there was a way I could upset people at a funeral? Now, now? How? I'd be doing it for free this whole time. Oh, that's right. Never, never do something that you love for free. You'll never work a day in your life, you know? Said, I've been to a church service where I actually had to ask the priest to sit down and be quiet

because my client didn't want a religious service, he said. What? What? No, you didn't. Your client was very bad at communicating to people, I would say. Maybe you shouldn't have paid for the religious service then. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. the th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. You thi. You thi. You to thi. You thi. You thi. You' to thi. You thi. You thi. You to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi. You thi. You thi. You thi. You thi. You thi. You thi. You to the to the to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi. to thi. thi. thi. thee. thei. thea. thei. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi. thi. thi. client was very bad at communicating to people, I would say. Maybe you shouldn't have paid for the religious service, then. What's the implication here actually, do we think? Is the implication like somebody who has come from a staunchly religious family and they've told their family I don't want a religious funeral? They've been like, it has to be. You're getting one anyway. Yeah. We can't have you down there when we're all up top. We'll never find you.

You know, you know the upper deck, also known as heaven. The priest was quite offended, but at the same time, he understood. Did he? What was he just terrified of the man that just started yelling in the middle of a funeral? This guy's pointing his can of pepper spray right at my face as he tells me to sit down. Mr. Edgar protects himself legally by recording his client's confession and also provides them with a disclosure statement. Quote, especially if I'm asked to go into a premises that the person used to own and get rid of some items that they don't want their kids to find, he said. Big Funko Pop collections, body pillows.

What are you burning before someone can find it, Ben? Nothing. I live my life out in the open. Anyone could go through any of my things and I want them to be like, oh, that makes sense. All right, now over to someone who doesn't live all of their life out in the open, it's Theo. What are you burning? No, I've gotten rid of all of my secrets. They're gone now. Oh, you don't have any? No.

You buried them. Bur buried, bu bu bu bu bu bu buried the the the the the the the the the the buried, bu buried the the the the the their. their buried their buried their buried their buried their buried their buried their their their their their their their th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. thea. thea. thea. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. thea. thea. the. the hope that none of them ever come back to haunt you. That would be unfortunate. Is that a threat? Not yet, I haven't found any of them yet. Now just sign this disclosure statement. Yes. Flat fee, payable on death. It could be sexual items. It could be pornography. Legendary non-sexual item. It could be money. Drugs, guns, the instructions to basically destroy everything. Why would you destroy money? Don't you just, you put the money in your pocket, then you say, Ah, money destroyed. I took care of it. I destroyed your embarrassing stack of 20s that you had.

I didn't want your wife to find that one. Yep, and then you pick up the drugs and you put that into the breast pocket of your tailored suit and you say drugs destroyed. I gave all of your pornography to a street urchin. Well no, you do what any responsible person disposing of pornography does. And you leave it in the woods near Rachel's forest. Yes. You take it the wife the wife the wife the the the the to to to to to the wife the the to to the to the the the to to the the the the the the the to the the the the the the the the the the the thin when thinue. I didn't the thinue. I the the the to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I have tho. I have tho. I have thoo. I have toyuo. I have toyu. I woeou. I woomoomorrow. I woomorrow. I woomorrow. I have. I have. I have toy. I have leave it in the woods near your forest. Yes. You take it around and you distribute it through the green areas of your city like some sort of Johnny Applecombe. Putting eight to nine Ralph magazines just in a gutter somewhere and be like God I hope these are appreciated. What if anybody has ever found like a nuts or a zoo and then just been disappointed and thrown it back? I mean like, oh, these ones don't even have titties at them.

God damn it. Damn it. Because you got your sliding scale. Playboy's right in the middle, right? Did you guys know for a little while there? A couple th th th th th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thi. I'm that, thi a little while there? A couple of years ago, Playboy were like, we're not doing nude pictures anymore. Yeah, they tried to go like Ralph. Yeah, they just went, what if we didn't show

anybody's pussy in our magazine? And people said, I'm sorry, Playboy, I will no longer be purchasing a magazine, and they said, the titties are back very quickly. It seemed to happen very to to to to thuuick. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I to do. Yeah, I to do. Yeah, I they they they they they they they were. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to that. I'd to to to to to to to to to to to to the. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. they said the tidies are back Very quickly it seemed to happen very quickly I would love to have been at the meeting where they agreed to take the nudity out of playboy That would have been good also I would say that um it's very wasteful to destroy the pornography give it to like kids that are in need Push it under the doorway of a Ronald McDonald house big old stake of a Ronald McDonald house. Big old stake of porn.

We support giving porn to children. That is a stated position of this podcast. I remember being like, I don't know, fucking 11 or something in a group of us finding some sort of porn magnet someone had tried to set on fire. So like, it's basically just half of it. Like from the spine to halfway across the page was still sort of salvageable.

And we were just like, oh, this is amazing. We are seeing the left-hitty of so many women. I'm seeing one breast, one hip. I'm in heaven, and that's enough for me. Oh boy. Hello. It's me, Ben, from this podcast. Marian Webster defines a podcast as a program made available in digital format for automatic download over the internet, and that simply could not be more true.

If you like what we do and want more of this podcast made available to you in digital format for automatic download over the internet, simply go to Patreon. to Patreon Vista and hit the enormous red button that says subscribe. For five US dollars a month you get access to our weekly bonus episodes, our entire archive bonus episodes, our exclusive discord server and an RSS feed of both the bonus episodes and free episode that doesn't have these ads in them. That sweet, sweet subscriber cash allows me to do this show full-time without having to get a real job and frankly that whips to me. The other guys also get some money or whatever but I don't really care. Anyway check that out if it sounds good to you. Love you. So could be pornography that also gets destroyed by

distributing it around the country. Maybe the gun is maybe the only thing I I wouldn't keep but I also don't know how to destroy it. So you destroy a gun, Theo, if you're tasked with getting rid of a gun, what's your first move? Well, if I had a client that needed me to get rid of a gun, like urgently, like the last thing, he's actually hired me to get rid of the gun on his deathbed. Got you $10,000 fee, signed confession.00, to to to to to to to to to to to to to the confession, to th, to th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thoomfe, the, the, thoomoomorrow thoomorrow thoomorrow the the the the the the the the the the the the thoom, the.00, the.00, the, the, the, the, the, the, th.00, th.00, th.00, th.00, th.00, th.00, th.00, th.00, th.00, th.00, the, the, thea. Soea. Soea. I's thea'a'a'ea'ea'ea'ea'ea'ea'ea'ea'ea'ea'ea'ea, thea, thea of the gun on his deathbed. Got your $10,000 fee. Yep, $10,000 fee signed confession. I think the only thing I could do would be to turn it into the police because they will take care of it. They'll keep the gun

safe I think. Not me, I would shoot it with a different gun. And then you've got to the gun that to a bigger gun. I would simply... It's the gun that they talk about. I would dissemble the gun into its component pieces and then drop each component piece into a different chimney on the tenement building that I live in. Hmm. What a thought you could just throw it into the old, muddy Brisbane river.

Oh, yeah, that's probably the best one. That's what people do right? The people that fucking, what do they call those things, the people that put a magnet on the end of a string and throw it into the river to... Oh. And they basically, they either find like trash or weapons that have been used in crimes. There's only two kinds of things that they find. What is the term for it? Because... Depth sounding. It's not that. No, I was trying to remember the name of the people who use, people who use metal detectors.

Uh, detectors? Oh, sorry, I think they just call it magnet fishing when you, uh, do the magnet thing. It's searching in outdoor waters for ferromagnetic objects. Cool. Oh my god this is amazing so the second line of the magnet fishing Wikipedia article following on for the one I just read out is the hobby has been adopted by celebrities such as English rugby player James Haskell. Okay, great. Sure.

Hope he's enjoying himself. I bet he is. Yeah, I've got a friend that doesn't. He just finds knives, mostly. Yaks. Mr. Edgar said that while some were quote, dismayed and disappointed by his graveside revelations, many were often well received. Everybody stood up and clapped for me. Most people are happy because they've heard from the actual person that they love, he said, via me. No chance of

that before. Yes, once again no way for this to have been cornered at pre-death. He's not even doing a seance. He's just passing on a message that you could have just scheduled as a tweet, you know? That's what a normal person would do. I was gay. I'm also gonna have that go up, but it won't be a surprise. It'll just be like a reminder. What if you survived? What if you survived? Oh, it appears conversion therapy works. Who do? He said the unusual nature of Mr. Edgar's job has caught the eye of the entertainment industry and he has signed a deal for it to be made into a movie or drama series.

Yeah, it'll be a, it'll be one of those Australian like underbelly level kind of shows. I was picturing one of the Australian like the only type of comedy we make which is like a very low stakes crime caper one. Mick Malloy is a lazy guy but he's got to steal something. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Focken. What's his name? Sean McKarloiffe is in there for like 10 seconds and it's the highlight of the movie. Looking forward to it. He said his role could be played by either a man or a woman, but quote,

someone with the voice of Russell Crowe would be perfect. Could be a man or a woman, but ideally they will have the voice of Russell Crow. Any gender is fine. I will not budge on them sounding like the the movie the movie the voice of Russell Crow. Any gender is fine, I will not budge on them sounding like Russell Crow. Uh, if we have to dub it in afterwards, that's fine. It seems like it would be easier to just hire Russell Crowe, and maybe that's what he's fishing for, you know? Who could say? When priests and funeral directors have tried to prevent Mr. Edgar from delivering his secrets, he has not let that stop him from delivering on his contract with the deceased.

I say, well this is the contract I have with my client. If it doesn't go ahead, I take my client with me, he said. That means that I've arranged previously to have the body of my client the client the client the client the client the client the client the client the client the client the client to be the to be the the the the to be to be the the to be the the the to be to be to be to be to be to bea, to beaugh. I, mm-hmm. That means that I've arranged previously to have the body of my client taken away and cremated or buried at a private ceremony. So, let me do what I want with the corpse, or I am taking the corpse and leave. Let me ruin this funeral, or I am going to steal the body.

He truly is the funeral ruiner right? Not the gateside. He's ruining these funerals. Wow. And then, yeah, people get upset, weirdly, at somebody standing up from the middle of the section of the family at a funeral. Saying, I have a secret to reveal, plays like a dramatic stinger on his phone. And people get upset. And then I say, I am ready to wheel this fuel this body. reveal, plays like a dramatic stinger on his phone. And people get upset, and then I say, I am ready to wheel this corpse out of here. God of the money. Because ultimately Mr. Edgar said his job was to respect his clients' wishes. How many funerals have you been to and you've listened to absolute crap, he said.

What I've always said is that you should be very judgmental of how people grieve. many funerals have you been to and you've listened to absolute crap?" What? Pardon? What I've always said is that you should be very judgmental of how people grieve. Yeah, just listening to a grieving mother being like, oh, this is some shit. Wind it up, lady. We get it. You loved your husband for fuck sake. If you don't, like what's the ideal scenario here is that like his quote-un-this other guy's quote-a's, th th th th th th th th th quote-a's, th quote-a's, th quote-a, th quote, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, to-a, to-a, thus, to-a, to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be very, to be, to be very, to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to, to, to, to, to, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to the the to the to the the the to the ideal scenario here is that like his quote-unquote best friend would have been standing up at the funeral saying, I was trying to fuck his wife. And then he could have said, oh cool I don't need to stand up and say anything.

I just made myself 10 grand, I don't even have to do anything. Cool, everybody's upset now. If you hear something at a funeral and you don't like it, stand up and say something. Become your own confessor. Don't. Don't. That would be my recommendation. Imagine a scenario in which I hear something at a funeral that I don't like.

And I just really have to stand up and be like, no, fuck off. Let's get into it. I think this guy is picturing become your own confessor as the tagline on the movie poster. Oh yeah. Under Russell Crow's stern but handsome face you know. Psychologist Shona Innes said enlisting the help of a person like Mr. Edgar was the ultimate avoidance. It sure is. Ten grand to avoid things. Oh, it's certainly not healthy, she said.

I think it's better to resolve these things while you're alive. Wow. Well, only if there was some kind of way to do that. Well, there isn't. Works for some. Different strokes for different folks. That's what we say around here. Miss Innis said, paying a stranger to quote, drop a bombshell from the grave and then leave a grieving family to deal with it could be very dangerous.

But what if he also took the corpse? This could be very dangerous unless he's wearing tailored pants. Yeah, pockets full of stolen guns. Imagine the idea, imagine the idea that like, you know, you could just stand up at a funeral and say, look, I have a piece of paper here that is a sign contract that says, I can take the corpse from this wedding and leave, goodbye and everybody going, oh, okay. Sure. Well, we got a contract. I didn't read a piece of paper the paper the paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper tha paper tha paper tha paper tha paper thuuante thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thooooen guns the the thoooan sa guns their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thuan s. I s. I' th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I' the. I' the. I' tea. I' tea. tea. tea. tea. tolea. tea. tea. tea. I'ea. I'ea. I'e. I', we got a contract. I didn't read the piece of paper, but that sounds legit so fantastic Grief is complex enough, but something like this can complicate the grieving process for family and friends. She said, how is he taking care of these people?

And it's simple. He's not. I want to get this guy's whole deal, which is where you get paid $10,000 to draw up a contract with somebody who is dying, and then they die and you just go on with your life. You don't go to the funeral. That's my version of this business model. You take $10,000 from someone to make them feel like they have resolved an issue that they were not brave enough to resolve in real life. This is kind of like a, you know those TV shows like Touched by an Angel? The Quantum Leap, the weekly procedural where somebody comes in and resolves a big issue in somebody's life. It's just this except at the end of the episode, the person dies and I smile and turn around and get on a Greyhound bus out of town.

Touched by it, Andrew. Pockets bulging with money, drugs, pornography, big fat $10,000 check and I just, I smile as the body gets put into the back of the coroner's man and I blow town. Looks like my work here is done. That's right. And then people just, the the the the the end. the the the the end. the end. the the end the end the end the end the the the end the the the the the end the end the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the end. their the end. their their their their their their their their. their. I's. I' their. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I. I. I. I. I. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the body gets put into the back of the coroner's man. And I blow town. Looks like my work here is done. And then people just get to have a normal funeral without some fucking idiot standing up and going, hey, did everyone know about this guy's problems? You want to know, you want to hear how much this guy hated his brother.

Oh man. What a rock solid gig to get how much this guy hated his brother. Oh man, what a gig. What a rock solid gig to get for an eminently qualified person. Much like former Prime Minister Tony Abbott. Tony's back. We haven't had Tony time in a while. It is. It's my toefully doubt Tony time. Yes, I think, um, I think, Tony kind of makes you miss the days of like a real kind of pure incompetence, you know? Something, something unabashed and guileless about it, the way that he just never at any point had any, any grasp, any grip on what he was doing. Just an openly terrible person too, just all out there with it. Perfectly happy with being a complete shithead.

Just profoundly weird on every level, unable to relate to anyone around him. It's just, there was something very satisfying about like, it's very easy to direct, like criticisms at him in a way that with Scott Morrison you're like, well he's being insincere and it's annoying and you can you can tell from how he talks that he's insidcere where Tony Abbott you're like he just licked his eyeballs while he was talking to a lady what the fuck was up with that? Oh tones maybe that's why he's spending so much time in the UK because you can probably just fit in more as a normal dude with the whole vibe of politicians that they have over there. Just weird units.

So, he has been appointed as their trade minister, which is very funny why he's popping up in the news and giving speeches and stuff over there. So this is from the Guardian. Tony Abbott, the former Australian Prime Minister, tiped to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. theeeeeeeeeei. theei. thei. theeeeeeeeeeeee. thi. thi. thi. Tony Abbott, the former Australian Prime Minister, tipped to become a UK trade envoy that has been announced post this story, has railed against COVID-quote health dictatorships, saying the economic cost of lockdown spent family should be allowed to consider letting elderly relatives with the coronavirus die by letting nature take its course. He just says these things. He just comes out and says it. No one asks him. No one asked him for this. He's dressed like Dr. Malcolm from Jurassic Park saying, uh, death finds a way. He claimed it was costing the Australian government as much as $200,000 to give an elderly person

an extra year of life substantially beyond what governments would usually pay for life-saving drugs. And hey, isn't that what it's about the bill? What is about the bill? I wouldn't love for him to give me a hard number on how much a year of an elderly person's life is worth. Yeah, that's kind of the thing where once you start getting into like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, to, to, to, to, like, like, to, like, like, to, like, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the to, the the the to, to, the the the the the the the to, the the thi, thi, the the the the to, to, the to, to, the to, to, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi.ean, thean, thean, thean, thiolou.eaui.ea, th's kind of the thing where once you start getting into like, well, this is a bit too much, like, okay, let's... How much is enough?

Let's start doing the prices right closest without going over. Yeah, $60,000? Is it worth $60,000? How much is a young person's year of life worth? Go change the price on your age. It is very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very age. It's very strange. I think you can just keep those conversations completely contextual because if it's a very young person you can say, oh well you haven't like been paying into the government coffers for your whole life like these old people who've done their time, they've served their country, you know, all that sort of stuff.

And then you start talking about the old person. It's like, hey, they've have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their, their, their. their. their. their. their. their, their, so.. their, their, so, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, about the old person. It's like, hey, they've had a great run. They've had their whole beautiful life. They don't have their whole life ahead of them, like these young people, who we're not going back to talking about. He, so he said not enough politicians were, quote, thinking like health economists, which I guess he's referring to himself as doing it. I think so. A thrically th. A th. C. C. C. C. C. C. A th. A th. A thi. A thi. A thi. A thi. A thi. A thi. A thi. A thi. A thi. I thi. I thi. I to to to to to to to that is to to to to tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And to. And to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. I to. I to to. I to. I to. I to to to the. I th so. It classically changed mind. Well remember he was Australia's health minister at one point and everybody loved that. That went swimmingly. He said not enough politicians were quote thinking like health economists trained to pose uncomfortable questions about the level of deaths we might have to live with. More politicians should have asked whether the cure was proportionate to the disease. Because that's what it's about.

It's about finding what is the least number of people we can save. What is the smallest number of survivors we're all happy with? Who is expendable? It's a bad time for anyone with the virus, he says, but it's also a bad time for people that would rather not be dictated to by officials, however well-meaning. Yeah, here we go. All right, here it is. In a speech at the Policy Exchange, Think Tank in London. However well-meaning is doing a bit of lifting there, isn't it? I think the meaning, the meaning, the, the meaning, well-meaning, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their-in-in, their-in, their-in, their-in, their-in, their-in, their-in, their, their-in, their-in, their-in, their-in, their-in, their-in, their-in, the policy exchange, think tank in London. The however well meaning is doing a bit of lifting there, isn't it? I think the meaning well is like meaning for all of your relatives to not die, am I right there?

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Okay. I just, I love, it's a bad time for anyone with the virus. Oh, you've got COVID. That's a bad. that is pretty bad, but other people are being told to do things that stop them from getting COVID. And that's just as bad. That is another kind of death. Dictator Dan, I've been saying this. Slippery Dan Andrews. In this climate of fear, it's hard for governments to ask, how much is a life worth?

Because every life is precious and every death is sad, but that has never stopped families sometimes electing to make elderly or elders as comfortable as possible while nature takes its course, while beautiful mother nature, while Gaya herself comes down, takes your family members in her warm embrace. And makes them cough themselves to death. Yes. Yes. And I thought, when Iselves to death. Yes. Yes. And I thought, when I saw this, um, I feel like maybe Tony Abbott has made some claims

about this type of thing in the past. This is from the Australian Associated Press in 2017. Former Prime Minister Tony Abbott has joined Paul Keating and urging Victorian politicians to oppose a euthanasia bill. It has been passed by the lower house. I want them to block it and at the very least I would like them to delay it until after the next election so the public has more time to think about it, told the weekend Australian. I think we'll regard this as a sad milestone in our decline as a decent society.

It marks our descent into a country which regards human beings as disposable. Oh. And we don't want anyone ever to be regarded as useless, worthless or disposable. Oh, that's incredible. These people just don't actually think any of what they say. They have no beliefs. They have nothing, nothing whatsoever. I think Lucy and I were talking about this the other night. I kind of, that is the thing that I kind of miss about Tony Abbott is that it's never been more transparent with a politician that somebody was only speaking to the audience

that was directly in front of them. There's something nice about that. That he was just like, any conversation he was having would just be like, I am the person the person the person the person the person the person the person the person the person the person the person the person the person the person the person the person the person the person the person the person the person the person they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're that, that he was just like, any conversation he was having would just be like, I am telling the person I am currently looking at, exactly what I want them to hear. It's kind of the inverse of, you know, the Donald Trump thing of like the last person he spoke to, is the person where he goes, yeah, that kind of makes sense. Beautiful voters. Yeah, that's Tony. Abortions for some miniature American flags for others. That's right.

Love it. Tony, well, salutes to the UK, because Tony's gonna be, will he be living over there? Or is he just like a? Hopefully, take him off of their hands. He got granted an exception to go over there, which is pretty fucking awesome. Very cool stuff. Well. Well. Well. Well, that. Well, tha, tha, tha, that, tha, tha, th. Well, th. Well, thu. Well, thu. Well, th. thu. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's, that's, thatol. to go over there, which is pretty fucking awesome. Very cool. Yeah, cool stuff. Well, honestly, I mean very cool because it means he's not here anymore. I'm fucking thrilled. Yeah. You guys can deal with him. He can go over there and just hang out with all the turfs, British style. And I think that's about all we have time for this week.

It's time for Father's Day lunch everybody. What are you doing for the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th to th to to to to th to to to to to to thi thi thi to to to to thi thi to thi to to thi thi thi thi thi thi thu- th. Well th. Well th. Well th th. Well th th th th th th th th. Well th. Well th. Well th. Well th. Well th. Well th. Well th. Well th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi to thi to to thi to to to to to toeateateateate toeate toeate to to to to thi thi thi thi thi thi thi think that's about all we have time for this week. It's time for Father's Day lunch, everybody. What are you doing for Father's Day lunch? We're going over to my mummy and daddy's house. I'll say, Daddy! Andrew wouldn't buy his dad the card that said Daddy on it. Wow, I would... We spent a long time looking at cards yesterday in the Camber Center which apparently had every other resident of Canber in it. And we went

through there to get like a Father's Day gift and so that Lucy could be outside for the first time in six months. Didn't care for it. There was so many people. Blasting their fucking particles just all over me. It was, we were all doing the particle dance. Wafting around in each other's filth. So many people and apparently it turns out, we discovered afterwards that the Canberra Center had a promotion on, which is, what was it, Lucy? Something about you spend $150 and get a $50 voucher so everyone in Canberra was there wasn't good. Everybody was

down there queued up out the front of the MECA to get Apple store to get let in and everybody doing their big queue at the Apple store getting getting their temperature taken by the staff before they go in. You gotta have your apple products. But I got to eat a whole hour snack pack and that's what it's all about. Oh, I did see Lucy post a picture of one and I've been starving for one ever since. God team out of the house. Very exciting.

So yeah, that's it. Happy Father's it. Happy Father's Day, everybody. Happy Dad's Day. Happy Dad's Day. Happy Dad Day. Pee. P. We'll just cut that off. I was watching the hoffies stuff. I'm going to press stop. you